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whatwillyoudodifferently · 4 years

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Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri?

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong.

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English.

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings.

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me.

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women.

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm.

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her.

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga.

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit.

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair.

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years

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Secrets ~ 1

Warnings: noncon sexual acts later in series

This is dark!Bucky and dark!Steve and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: A buried family secret comes to light thrusting you to the forefront of an old alliance.

Note: Bruh, other series are still going. At least one update a week for existing series in future, I promise! Probably more.

This was semi-inspired by The Princess Diaries but obviously we’re not going highschool.

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

You found it hard to focus on the lecture. You copied the slides without processing the words. You couldn’t tear your mind from the unusual stranger. The one who had slipped from the room not ten minutes earlier. The one no one else seemed to notice; even the professor as she outlined the fall of the Roman Empire.

You did because you were early every week. You sat in the same seat, pulled out your notebook and pen, and put your phone on silent. You’d worked too long to screw this up. Years of saving and scrounging just to pay the application fee, bursaries awarded for your volunteer work and nearly forgotten extracurriculars from high school.

So, you noticed. The man sat in the back row with not a possession before him. Silent, discerning, and to be frank, a bit too old for the student body. Even you, after several years away from academics, thought so. You used the reflection in your phone screen to watch him and when he stood and left without cause, you angled it after his departure.

Perhaps he had come to the wrong room. Or maybe he had got the wrong time. He could be an older student or a guest speaker. Whatever he was, he was gone and you needed to focus. You didn’t have much time outside of class to revise your notes. Between your job at the campus bookstore and your intern position at the museum, you didn’t have time for anything beyond a few hours sleep.

You packed up as the lecture came to an end. Tuesdays, Professor Halren went over the week’s material and Thursdays you had a class discussion on the assigned articles. Basic, simple, but at least eighty pages of reading a week. You climbed the steps between the rows of tables and passed through the upper doors. The east entrance down the rear stairwell was the quickest exit.

You tossed your bag in the passenger seat of your crummy used Honda, parked in front of the burger joint several blocks away from campus parking. It cost you more to park on-site than it did for the beat-up contraption itself.

You drove to the museum and got out, your lanyard around your neck denoting you as a volunteer. You usually worked the help desk or handed out pamphlets for upcoming tours. Most of the time it was quiet enough for you to study in between visitors.

Sheila was the curator on duty that night. She kept to her office, saying she trusted you to direct the rare patrons who arrived on a Tuesday night. As expected, it was dead. You wandered around with textbook in hand, occasionally looking up to check that you were alone.

There was a man by the chart of Greek gods and their relations. A spiderweb with no end. You closed your book and quietly set it down on the nearest bench as you kept an eye on the man. It was him, the one from the lecture hall. A frightening coincidence. He leaned closer to the diagram then turned away, walking, no marching along the wall and rounding the corner into the next section.

Your heart was beating; in confusion and fear. You followed, carefully not to let your shoes click as you did. As you reached the next corridor, he was nowhere to be seen. You continued on, around corner and corner, on and on, looking up and down the walkways. He was gone.

You came back to the bench where you left your textbook. You glanced around one last time and opened it. Behind the cover was a ribbon, a tricade of red, white, and blue, a star emblazoned three-quarters of the way up embroidered in gold and silver. You’d seen it before but none so new as this.

You held it up and felt it between your fingers. You closed the book again and tucked it under your arm. You went to the next wing; medieval history. You walked along the timeline of European kingdoms, below each was a display of royal families of each.

The same ribbon, aged and frayed, laid beneath the kingdom of Astrania, marked by the house of Rogers. A long storied bloodline thrust in and out of power by civil wars and politics well into the twentieth century. A country that stood still, one of the few who still lauded a monarch, as famous as the Windsors in England and beyond. The last vestiges of long lost era.

You shoved the ribbon in your pocket. It was likely a souvenir from some commodified tour of the country. A forgotten novelty sold for pennies and shoved into a used textbook. You shrugged and headed back to your usual spot among the ancient civilizations. Strange things happened. That was life.

👑

You spent your few hours before midnight writing up your rough draft for Life and Death in Ancient Greece then finally crashed. You slept on your back, uncomfortably; a heavy, exhausted sleep. You woke to voices. Your mother’s and another. One you didn’t know.

You checked the time, it was barely seven in the morning. You grumbled as you sat up. Your mother’s tone set you on edge as her voice rose. You stood and crossed to the door. You turned the handle slowly, listening through the crack of the door as you eased it open.

“You get out of my house.” She snarled. You’d never heard her sound so vicious. “I am not that person anymore. I never was.”

“You can hide behind a name,” The deep voice replied evenly. “It doesn’t change your real one.”

“My father is dead, his name died with him.” She hissed. “I won’t tell you again to leave.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll call the police, asshole.”

“I’ve been sent here under the banner of diplomacy, what are they gonna do?”

You stepped out as the argument continued, your mother growing angrier as you tiptoed down the hallway to the kitchen. She grabbed a frying pan from the dish rack as you stopped in the doorway and she waved it at the man standing on the other side of the table.

“I’ll just have to make you,” She warned. “Now go--”

“Mum,” You rubbed your eyes. “What’s going on?” You looked to the man as he turned to look at you. It was the same man from the day before. You recoiled and pressed yourself to the wall. “Who is that?”

“No one. He’s leaving.” She edged around the table and drew back the frying pan.

He didn’t move. She swung and he caught the pan as his palm deflected it away from his head. He wrenched it away from her and tossed it away.

“Sit down, your highness,” He glared at your mother as he clanked the pan against the table.

You frowned and looked at your mother. Her eyes glinted at you and she shook her head.

“You will not tell my daughter what to do,” She scowled. “Not in my house.”

“You can send me away now, but I’ll be back.” He looked around the kitchen. “Looks like you can afford a fine lawyer, indeed.”

“Lawyer?” Your mother spat.

“There’s a contract, Princess,” He sneered.

“There is no kingdom left. No crown, no throne.” Your mother neared and grabbed your wrist, drawing you to her. “My daughter does not belong to anyone.”

“Your own father signed the accord. We paid our dues, even after his fall, we expect you to fulfill your end of the contract.”

“My father is dead,” She pushed in front of you, shielding you from the man. His square jaw twitched and his blue eyes glimmered defiantly.

“As his heir, you would acquire his responsibility. She is his first born granddaughter.” The man asserted.

“She has no title.” Your mother insisted. “You can see we have no wealth, no holdings. We are displaced; we are common.”

“Princess Karissa of Ecklun,” The man addressed your mother, “Her daughter, Duchess of Brey. You needn’t land to uphold your titles… and your obligations.”

“The contract is old. Outdated.” Your mother countered. “There are other duchesses. Real ones.”

“The contract is legal still, it has been upheld to this point and there is no clause for annulment. Unless of course you have the funds to buy out the agreement.” He challenged. “Fifteen million, with interest.”

Your mother was silent. He hand squeezed your wrist.

“I never received any of these payments you claim to have made,” She said.

“In a trust, as stated in the contract, to be accessible upon the day of marriage.” He declared. “If you insist, however, I can return with my legal council… and a military escort.”

Your mother let out a long breath. She released you and shakily pulled out a chair from the table. “Sit,” She gestured you forward and drew another chair out. “I’ll entertain your… discussion.”

You stepped forward and sat and she did too. The man across from you lowered himself into another chair and set down his briefcase on the floor. He reached inside and drew out a bundle of papers. He slid them across to your mother.

“If you’d like to look over the terms,” He smirked. “You’ll see all is as I said.”

“He couldn’t find another bride?” She spat as she ignored the contract.

“Not legally.” He insisted and looked at you. “Forgive me. I didn’t introduce myself, your highness. James Barnes, I am a representative of the Astranian court.”

“I don’t--” You blinked. “I don’t understand what’s--”

“Yes, apparently your mother has created a convincing ruse here in this… slum,” He sighed. “What do you know of your grandfather?”

“Don’t talk to her.” Your mother snipped. “Talk to me.”

“She must know--”

“I will explain. That is my responsibility. My right.” She sneered and grabbed the papers.

She flipped the first page, then the second, she continued as she hastily read through it. You peeked over her shoulder but she kept turning away to block you. When she finished, she turned it face down.

“You signed it, Princess,” The man said.

“I was sixteen.” She said. “I was still a child.”

“You were a married woman.” He returned.

“A girl forced into a ring.” She slapped the paper. “And you would have me do the same to my daughter?”

“You already did,” He said plainly. “And she is older. Quite a few years, in fact.”

“It took you years to find us,” She grinned. “You think you’ll be as lucky again?”

“You are being watched. You have been watched.” He pushed his shoulders back. “We have waited long enough.”

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” You said.

The man, Barnes, looked at you. Appalled.

“I will,” Your mother squeezed your arm. “Mr. Barnes.” She turned back to him, her head held high. “Might you allow me some time to prepare?”

“To run?” He challenged.

“If we are being watched as you say, that should not be an issue,” She sniffed. “You must understand the circumstance.”

“I do understand your negligence,” He raised a brow. “One day. That is all I can allow you.”

He left the contract and stood. He took his briefcase and nodded to the table. “A copy for your records.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card and flicked it onto the document. “My information should you require it.”

He bowed his head and turned to leave you. The door opened and closed loudly as he strode out the back door. You sat, perplexed, and reached for the contract. Your mother caught your hand. She turned to you and drew your hand back with her.

“Honey,” She said softly. “I need you to listen to me. Just-- don’t talk, just listen.”

“Mum, I--”

“You’re going to hate me. I know that hate, I felt the same for my own father. I would not blame you for hating me even more than that.” She said grimly. “But please, there is much I need to tell you. That I should’ve told you before.”

“I don’t-- I don’t understand.” You sputtered.

“So just listen,” She pleaded. You nodded and your stomach bubbled nervously. “You’ve heard of Ecklun? You were always so fond of history.” You confirmed and she continued on. “And Astrania. Occasional allies until the dissolution of the former… but that all doesn’t matter.”

Your mother hung her head.

“My father knew the tide was against him. He tried to rally his reinforcements, he made promises to those he thought could help. He was the king, you see? He was dethroned, we were all thrown out of the country. I tried to… stay with him. Tried to make him move on but he wouldn’t. So after I had you, I left. Your father didn’t want to let go either and he refused to come with me.”

She touched her cheek and shuddered.

“It was all gone so I thought that meant it was over. Everything. The promises, the debts.” She shook her head. “I tried so hard to start over. For you. But… Your grandfather promised you to the heir of Astrania to fund his personal guard. The same that ejected us from our home.”

She twined her fingers together then pulled them apart. She gulped before she found her voice again.

“That heir is now in power,” She could barely look at you. “And you… you are to be his wife.”

“I-- no, they can’t-- it--”

“I thought I could stop it. I didn’t think they’d want it still but-- I always hated how backwards it all was. Bloodlines, lineage, privilege… It was all so ridiculous.” She huffed. “I-- tried. I failed.”

“You ran once, we can--”

“That man found me. I am not foolish to think he did not come with back-up. I have seen what happens when you undermine others. I have seen the ugliness of it. I can’t say what’s worse; to let them have you or to refuse and suffer further. You don’t know how-- I was stupid enough to think I could ever outpace them.”

You gaped at her. Shocked, angry, sickened.

“And now I can’t stop them.” She uttered.

“You didn’t tell me,” You breathed. “You should have told me.”

“I’m sorry--”

“I have school, work...I… No, they can’t. I have a life!” You stood and the chair wobbled.

“Honey, please,” She got to her feet. “I know how it feels. Trust me. My father, he did the same--”

“So what? Family tradition?” You scoffed. “They can’t make me. I’m staying. I’m going to school, I’m working. I’m not--”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“I won’t go!” You shouted.

“They’ll make you.”

“How?”

She looked at you. Her face was grim, her wrinkles more apparent than ever before. She didn’t need to say.

“They can’t--”

“They’ll find a way.” She muttered. “They always do. I’m so so sor--”

“So I’ll make them drag me,” You said. “I’ll fight it.”

“It’s treason--”

“It’s the twenty-first century!”

“Not there. It’s not the same as here. There’s no one to stop them.”

You didn’t know what to say. You hit the table and swore. You stormed from the room and slammed your door before you fell onto the bed and screamed into your pillows.

It was a dream. It had to be a dream!

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bookstaninthesoul · 3 years

Text

Meeting At The Library

WORD COUNT: 736

SUMMARY: Elain and Azriel meet in a library after class.

Okay, first of all, I want to apologize for any grammatical mistakes. English is not my native language, so I did it in Portuguese (my native language) and then I translated to English. I hope you like it!

Elriel Month Day 12: Dark Academia

Elain was in the library, in one of the parts that had romance books. She was looking for some book to interest her while waiting for her boyfriend.

Azriel was still in class. After it was over, he would go straight to find her there. However, she was so anxious about it that she had to start looking for a book to see if it would calm her spirits.

The two had not seen each other for almost a week, because of the tests. They studied in different schools, so it wasn't even possible to study together. Not to mention that Azriel was a year older than her.

And while she was thinking, she began her search for books. She saw everything from classic to contemporary. She loved that library, as it had books for every taste. Even bestselling books of the year.

She walked and searched until she found a book called From Lukov, With Love that caught her eye. She turned the pages of the book and decided to rent it. She went to the counter and gave her name to the attendant, registering.

Then she went back to the same section with the books, leaned against one of the shelves and started reading, since all the chairs were occupied.

After reading while standing, she decided to see if she could find an empty place to sit, until she felt two arms around her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

It was him. She knew it by the perfume.

She then smiled and turned her body around, gluing their bodies together and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. The book still open in her hand.

"Hi." she said.

"Hi." he smiled and then looked at her face, as if he was killing the longing that was inside him. The longing to look her in the eye.

Then, she ended up with the space between them kissing him with passion. Lips between lips, tongues intertwined, gasping breaths. A beautiful cocoon of love.

As they kissed, Azriel leaned Elain's body back to deepen the kiss.

They stayed there for minutes, until they remembered they were in a library.

She laughed. He ran his fingers through her hair, running a strand behind her ear.

Then, she lowered one of her hands to the nape of her boyfriend, stroking the part with fine strands, making Azriel shiver.

Ah, she knew exactly his weaknesses.

Then he leaned her against one of the shelves and they stood there, facing each other, just looking and enjoying each other's faces.

"How was your day?" Elain broke the comfortable silence.

"It went well. Next week I have a test, but I understand the content, so I'm more relaxed." he replied, now running his fingers over her cheek.

"Good. Mine was cool. I had botany class today, so ..." Azriel laughed, watching his girlfriend's smile grow. He loved how passionate she was about plants.

"What are you reading?" Azriel asked, noticing the book in Elain's hand.

"It's a book that tells the story of a figure skater on ice. She used to skate in pairs, until something happened between her and her ex-partner and they split up. Since then, she never got a new partner and only skated alone. Only one day, the older brother of her best friend, who by the way she and he hate each other, came along with his coach and offered her the position of his partner for a year. "Elain said, explaining the story .

"What happened next?" Azriel asked, interested. He loved it when his girlfriend explained the stories from the books she was reading, he was delighted. Besides, she always ended up convincing him to read the books.

His smart little angel.

"Well, you're going to have to read it to find out." she said laughing. He accompanied her. "Not to mention that I started now, I don't know what happens next."

He kissed her again, this time, a soft kiss on her lips.

"I'm going to stop by a bookstore and buy a copy for myself later. I'm not going to miss this story, not to mention that we'll be able to talk about the book together later, as we always do." He smiled. It was all a show of smiles.

She then looked into her boyfriend's eyes and said "I love you, baby."

Then he said "I love you, angel."

And the two smiled and kissed again. The first kisses of many.

If you liked it, please reblog it. It helps me a lot! ♡

#pro elriel #elriel fanfiction #elriel fanfic #elriel #pro elain #elain archeron #elain acotar #pro azriel #azriel acotar #azriel #azriel × elain #elrielmonth21 #elrielmonth #from lukov with love

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winter-fox-queen · 3 years

Text

We all Deserve a Fairy Tale Chp. 2

(Photo not mine, I found it on Pinterest....maybe @softpedropascal‘s?)

Thank you all for being so awesome about my first chapter! I am not sure where this is going, I just wanted to write a fairy tale with our darling Frankie.

I pronoun, reader insert, not gender neutral - I make a smart remark and mention the gender, but it is only once if you can ignore it. No use of names or y/n. Pretty clean, not even any cursing! :P

Summary: In our last Chapter, our author (you) is bored to death while trying to do an author signing at a bookstore. Frankie comes in and gives you some badly needed sunshine, and leaves...and then...

Chapter Two: In which our Hero is gentle and awkward and our heroine tries not to outdo him.

It was about an hour and a half later. The door opened, I did my straighten up and look like I was successful and interesting routine, my smile warming when I realized Frankie maybe Franklin maybe Francisco had returned.

He pulled his…my…book out of the shopping bag and held it up. A piece of napkin showed that he was a good chunk of the way through. “This is really good, so I thought, hey, why not buy the sequel while the author is in town.”

“That’s lovely! I am always in town, though,” I drop in and try not to wince at how smooth that wasn’t.

He looked at me earnestly. He reminded me of a forest animal. I wondered if I poured some m&m’s into my hand and held it out if I could get him to step closer. No sudden moves, woman. You’ll scare him off.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at me, and I realized I’d been wool gathering instead of actually, you know, trying to make a sale. “So, which one is the sequel…?”

I flushed and tapped a book. “The other one is related, but different people.”

“Huh. OK.” He picked one of each and placed them gently in front of me.

“Thank you,” I said, as I racked my brain for something to perfect to write. But everything sounder like I was a creeper, so I simply signed one, and the second, I wrote, Thank you for making my day.

He picked them up carefully.

“Here, wait…let me give you my business card, and some book marks…that way if you want to tell me what you thought. And if you want to you know, keep in touch. I mean, I have a newsletter. If you want to se what else I’ve got going on.” I capped my blathering with my brightest smile.

His smile had grown more and more as I talked, that perfect dimple reappearing, and he tapped the business card against the cover of his book. “Maybe I will. I mean, how many people can brag that they know an author and can email her and ask her questions about her book?”

“Pretty much everyone,” I say, because I cannot shut up.

He laughed.

I didn’t care if I never sold another book at that store again, that laugh was worth it. I felt a shaky happiness flutter against my ribs.

“Alright,” he said, looking at me. He was looking at me a little sideways, under his lashes, and I wondered if he knew how devasting that look was. “I better go.”

“You are keeping me from my legions of adoring fans,” I pointed out.

He chuckled at this. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re amazing.”

“OK,” I said, because I am so very good with words.

He shuffled a little, and nodded goodbye at me as he went and bought the last of my books.

If he looks back you’ll see him again, if he looks back you’ll see him again if he looks back…

He put his hand on the door and pushed, and just as he stepped outside, he did it. He looked back, and he smiled at me.

“Score.” I said, out loud after the door shut and he was crossing the street to an old red truck.

The clerk sniggered at me.

And hour and a half more later, I was cleaning up. Packing my stuff…getting my money from the clerk, helping her fold the table, rolling my stuff out to the car.

“Time to eat my profits,” I say as I drive to the nearest diner.

I go inside. To the left, a man in a familiar worn cap is reading a book and slowly eating. Oh my God. He’s going to think I’m stalking him.

A waitress comes over. “Booth, or do you want to sit at the counter?”

I sneak a look. Frankie looks up. His eyes widen. He smiles. I smile back. “Booth,” I mutter.

“Follow me.” She says and heads right.

I am the one shuffling this time, uncertain of what direction to go. I take a breath, go left.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.” I say.

“What? No tracking chip in the book?” He opens it and shakes it. Gentle. Like he respects the book and does not want to damage it. Could he be any more perfect?

“Nope, only the big presses can afford that.” I deadpan.

“Miss, where are you sitting?” the waitress asks.

“Here.” Frankie answers for me, and then he blushes and says. “I mean, if you want, I’d love for you to join me.”

“That’d be awesome. I’ve already read all the books I brought with me.”

The waitress takes a paper placemat and wrapped utensils and places them a little harder than needed as I sit down.

“I don’t think she realizes that I’m a best selling author.” I lean forward and whisper.

“I don’t think she’d be impressed by anything. She could find a bomb under the counter and she’d just shrug it off. Have you seen her eyes? I was in the army and I ain’t never seen eyes that cold.”

“You were in the army?” He looked to…gentle. But I looked at him again, and I could see it. The chipping around the edges.

He nods. “I was a pilot.”

“Awesome. Then I know who I can ask for all sorts of details about being a pilot for my next book.”

He nods, his cheeks pinken, but I can tell he’s just so pleased at the idea. I feel like I’ve handed him the biggest compliment.

“So, you’re gonna have a pilot in your next book?” He puts the book aside finally, concentrates on me.

“I am now,” I say.

His smile grows, and the skin around his eyes crinkles so damned prettily. “Nice,” he says, his voice deep and soft and just a little promising.

Dear Diary, I think. Today I was smooth. Thank you God for helping me deliver that line.

“Tell me something that makes you happy,” I say as I grab a menu and try to decide what to get.

He’s carefully putting the book away. “Reading. Being outside. My friends. You?”

I blink. “Umm. Nice men reading my books? Um. The outdoors…yes. I’ve always wanted to go on a long road trip, just see everything?”

He fiddles with his fork, stares down at his plate. I realize if I want to know anything more, I’ll have to do most of the talking. I’m better throwing words down on paper, but I wanted, needed to know more.

“Do you still fly?”

He looked up, his tea-colored eyes clouding over. “No. I work at the airfield, though. I’m a mechanic.”

“So you fix broken birds?”

He seems to take this in. I think he likes the idea, he smiles a little. I imagine those large hands competently working on an engine, or smoothing across the side of a plane.

“Enough about me. I’m boring.” He says. “Tell me about you? Why do you write?”

We talk for a bit, exchange the normal facts – what do you like to read? What do you like to watch on TV? And he parries anything deeper. But I like him. I like his sunshine smile and crinkling eyes and expressive hands and gentle voice.

We talk long enough that I am convinced the waitress hates us and we leave a huge tip to make up for it.

Outside the diner, he walks me to my car. “That was nice,” he says.

“Yes. It really was. If you are ever bored, I’d be happy to do it again sometime.”

He smiles shyly, nods once, and says, softly. “Later.”

I get into my car, and try not to stare at him as he gets in his truck, pulls out. He rolls down his window and waves at me. I wave back, and I think, well. There goes my heart.

And then I laugh at myself for being a stupid romantic goofball. I write a bit of romance, I daydream it…it’s a comforting fairy tale. I knew it wasn’t real.

But as I watched him drive away in his beat up red pickup, I found myself really hoping it was.

#Frankie Morales #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal #We all deserve a fairy tale

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cafeinthemoon · 4 years

Text

Headcanons for Founders trio with an s/o who's a bookworm 📚

I don’t know if this has been done before but I myself am a bookworm and when this idea came, it was funny to imagine how each of the founders would react to having a partner who’s passionate about books

Ps: I’m sorry that I’m not capable of writing a short list of headcanons okay I really try but I can’t sorry

Fandom: Naruto | Founders trio

Symbols: 💗 | ◼ | ▶▶

Hashirama

First of all, I don’t see him as a book lover, but neither he’s book hater. He’s just the average person who can live in peace with the fact that there are books in this world without being too attached or disgusted by them

This is bc he probably has some trauma from reading caused by the huge piles of paper he has to deal in his office (he tries to avoid them by procrastinating and then begs for his brother’s help)

But he has a genuine interest in your passion bc well, he loves you, which means he loves almost everything about you and believes that understanding this hobby is a way to understand you as a person

And bc of that he always goes with you when you say you want to go to the library or the bookstore

Hashirama is the guy who’s capable of getting excited with your enthusiasm though he’s not really into the same stuff as you

So he will have so much fun following you around those corridors and shelves full of books

And will analyze every book cover you show him aka agree with all of your reviews on the covers bc he trusts your capacity of analyzing things

He will also hear when you talk about your favorite plots, characters, writing styles and quotes

If you get indecisive between one book and other you certainly will he will try to help you make up your mind by telling you that “this one’s cover is prettier than the other’s” or “I think this one will have more exciting adventures”

He will be content whether you choose this book or the other, and will laugh if you decide to get them both

Plus: Hashirama is good at spoiling his s/o so he will insist on buying any book you lay your eyes on to the point you’ll have to argue for him to let you pay for your own books

And when it’s time to go home, he will help you with the piles of books you borrowed from the library or bought from your favorite bookstore (with a significative % of discount ofc)

So we can agree that despite not having a great love for books, Hashirama will be the most fun company for a bookworm like you 💕

But this doesn’t extend to the occasions when you recommend something for him to read

He always promises he will read that book soon but you know he’s going to forget that the book exists right after you leave it with him and will only remember it when you ask it back 😐

Tobirama

Now, with this guy things are way different

Bc if you think of yourself as a bookworm, Tobirama says GET READY TO KNOW WHAT REALLY MEANS TO BE A BOOKWORM

Seriously, he has been reading since he can remember. It’s a part of him as much as the shinobi life

He reads absolutely anything. Politics? Yes. History? Ofc. Poetry? Same. Cookbook? He had already gave it a try. And do not let him start with Science 🔍

And he has a prodigious memory for what he reads, so he’s capable of spotting any book he has in his personal library with his eyes closed, so that even if you remember only one quote from the book, he will find it for you

The best part of this is that you can talk about anything about any book bc Tobirama probably has read it and will understand your point, and if he hadn’t read it yet, it’s just a question of time until he adds it to his collection

Or he will make comparisons between this book and others that are similar to it that he already has and that’s what he does to understand the whole point

The connection that comes from this is something unique. Your love for him grows as much as your love for the books you read

But everything has its dark side, and in this case it’s called COMPETITION

I’m sorry to give you such sad news, but Tobirama is that person who can turn the most innocent hobby into a competition if he feels threatened thinks you’re becoming more experienced than him in it. So expect to see him become a bit petty

He will not start a proper fight but you will sense that he’s getting into discussions about trivial details more often. He doesn’t need an invitation: if you say something that he mildly disagrees, he will discuss it until he convinces you of his pov (or you say you give up)

If you’re really into discussions and such, you might enjoy it like a sport. However, if you don’t like conflicts, I feel sorry for you lmao

If it extends for too long, it will become a reason for a serious fight, because he will get to the point of saying that “you need to refine your taste for books a little” or that “you should slow your pace in order to pay more attention to what you’re reading and have a better understanding of the book’s subject”

If things get to this point the only person who will be able to help you to make amends is Hashirama. But I hope it never happens

Now, the biggest advantage of being Tobirama’s s/o and loving books is that you almost never need to buy books, bc he’s the owner of the greatest library in the village (he has all the books you won’t find in the public library)

Ofc you manage to buy some, but you don’t use to do book hauls because you don’t wanna end up broken he always gets the books you want

That doesn’t mean you two don’t spend time out on bookstores and get back home late sometimes ❤

Madara

Can’t believe I couldn’t find that gif of him reading a book with his Sharingan

I don’t know but Madara and books in the same sentence sounds peculiar to me lol

I think his attitude towards books is similar to Hashirama’s in some points, except that he promptly recognizes the importance of books as knowledge and intelectual development’s tools. But in general terms he’s not the most passionate person about them

The thing is that he prefers activities outside the house, that push him to the limits of his body. You know, with this man it is about the PHYSICAL

So things like staying indoors, enjoying a good book doesn’t have appeal to him. You might love it, but to him it sounds a bit tedious

But he respects and admires this preference of yours. It’s good to see his s/o engaging in a healthy and safe activity

Sometimes, when he gets home, he might ask casually what you are reading this time, but this is not to be understood as an invitation to a long talk. He just came home, he’s tired and the last thing he wants is to hear about things in which he’s not quite interested, so it’s better just to say the book’s title or the genre

If he’s in a good mood, he will sit by your side and watch you while you read. Getting close to you and observe what you’re doing is a habit of him no matter what task you’re performing, but seeing you immersed in something you’re passionate about is different

He likes to pay attention to the way your eyes go through the lines, your lips move to repeat the characters’ sentences, your expression changing to follow your emotions and the delicate manners with which your fingers touch the pages

If you stop reading to look at him, he won’t even try to disguise 😁

And if you ask him what is it, he will just smug and continue to stare at you

Observing you is like a hobby to him, it’s his way to get in touch with you

Now, talking about your readings is something complicated when you have a partner like Madara

I believe the best way to talk about books with him is doing it indirectly. For example, instead of saying things like “I’ve read it in a book that if you…”, just say “Maybe it’s just the case that they will…”. Just bring out the idea itself and leave the source aside

He knows that you probably found it in one of your books, but he will not be bothered. Instead, he will praise the fact that your readings turn you into a smart and observing person, with a deep understanding of the world and its people

As you can imagine, going with you to buy books is to him what going with a s/o to buy shoes is to other men. Yes, he is that guy that tries to make you walk in another direction so that you won’t pass in front of a bookstore or the village’s library bc he knows that once you step into these places, you won’t leave so soon

Bc of this you use to go alone to do your book hauls or to ask your friends to go with you. Sometimes you wish you could make Madara change his mind, for you love his company, but you’re ok knowing that it’s not going to happen and try to concentrate on being in good terms with him ❤

#naruto headcanons #founders trio #hashirama #hashirama headcanons #tobirama #tobirama headcanons #madara #madara headcanons #konoha #bookworm #book lover

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disneydreamlights · 4 years

Text

Anidala Fic Recs

I got asked for fic recs for these. NSFW will be in a private post (that I’ll make later GOING THROUGH YOUR AO3 HISTORY IS TEDIOUS) for easy DMing purposes. All recs under a read more.

So first for authors:

Just about anything by SkywalkersAmidala and Gemma’s Writing (@gemmaswriting)

Everything I’ve read by them is absolutely fantastic, and believe me, I’ve read pretty much everything from them. Multiple times in some cases. They’re just very good. SkywalkersAmidala in most cases writes more silly lighthearted AUs and Gemma’s Writing does a bit of everything, all of which are good.

Padme Lives/Anakin Doesn’t Fall:

(Anything on my Vaderdala fic recs list, you need Padme alive for Vaderdala)

Precipice by Shadowsong26

An AU in which Anakin Skywalker does not follow Mace Windu and the others to Palpatine’s office after they leave to arrest the Chancellor. As a result, he doesn’t get that final push over the edge, and doesn’t Fall.

(Padme returns to the Senate with Luke, Anakin to lead the Rebels with Leia. Things get better is the absolute best way to summary this one.)

To These Memories by KatieRoseFun

After Darth Sidious is defeated, everything changes. Some for the better, others not so much. Mostly better though. (Or: Anakin becomes a dad. Rex rehabilitates clone troopers who no longer want to be a part of the army. Ahsoka gets a call from an old friend. And maybe Obi-Wan finds out it’s not just his enemies who don’t stay dead. Basically, everyone gets the happy ending they deserve.)

Pocket Full of Sand Verse by Philthestone

Anakin goes missing, Padme is captured, and this causes Leia Skywalker and Luke Amidala to meet.

Clash of Fates by AliceBDS (In Progress)

Sometimes, the course of life is changed with one decision.

When Ahsoka Tano requests the help of her former master in liberating Mandalore, a twist of destiny sends them to Coruscant to rescue Chancellor Palpatine instead, altering the course of galactic history forever.

When Dead Men Walk by Ellapromachos

Anakin hesitates just a few minutes longer, and the entire galaxy is better for it.

or; Anakin is at the Temple for Order 66, but not as Darth Vader. And when Palpatine comes for him, he plays his cards just a little bit better. He digs his heels in, and prepares for the long con.

My Loyalties Lie by Stranestelle (In Progress)

When Anakin initially rejects Palpatine's offer to 'help' him, the Sith Lord, in a rare moment of hastiness, ships him off to Kamino to have a control chip implanted.

Nobody Needs to Know by Elizaham8957

The twins are born in the middle of the Clone Wars, and Anakin and Padmé try to continue hiding the fact that they're married and now have two children.

Nobody buys it. Like, seriously, nobody.

Hunter by Zinoviev

Leia is offered a chance to escape Bespin when Boba Fett enlists her help to prevent Luke from falling into Vader's clutches. She has plenty of questions, however. Who is this mysterious bounty hunter, and what does he want with her friend?

The Bantha in the Room by Estrangedlestrange

concept: anakin sitting in the council room bouncing baby luke on his knees as he adamantly denies having children or attachments

Time Travel:

Stand the Hazard of the Die by KeelieThompson1

Baby Luke is sent back in time by Obi-Wan to the prequel era. Needless to say, things change.

Just One Wish by LadyVader23

On a trip to Dathomir, Anakin Skywalker finds a spell that will grant him one wish. Anxious to return home, he wishes for a way to end the war. As a result, he ends up accidentally kidnapping his future children...moments after they've escaped Bespin. Luke is quite done dealing with his mess of a father, and Leia is convinced telling the future Darth Vader about the future will only make it worse. Desperate, Anakin calls in the only person they might listen to: Padme Amidala. Too bad Padme has a surprise of her own...

Temper With the Stars by Pipionem

After being pulled through the World between Worlds, Ahsoka finds herself in the final days of the Clone Wars, on a Separatist ship holding the recently kidnapped Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. Saving the galaxy from the horrors to come is a lot to get done in a week, but Ahsoka has lost everything before - this time, she won't let that happen. Of course, that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.

Skywalker Family Fics:

Skywalker Family Values by Ariel_Sojourner

Camp Chippewa is proud to be the Empire’s foremost camp resort for privileged young adults. Located on the picturesque forest moon of Endor, your child will have the opportunity to participate in wholesome outdoor activities and socialize appropriately with their peers. We invite your offspring to join us for the experience of a lifetime and a bright future in service of the greater glory of the Empire.

On opposite sides of the galaxy, on opposite sides of a civil war, Darth Vader and Padme Amidala unwittingly send Luke and Leia to the same camp during school break. Chaos naturally ensues.

Mild AU:

Desideratum by Sithanakin (In Progress)

As a young Initiate in the midst of a childish crush, Padmé had always dreamt of Anakin Skywalker becoming her Master. But she was to turn thirteen too early for that to be possible.

Then, at sixteen, she loses her Master in the battle of Geonosis. In the confusion of all her grief, she does not expect newly-knighted Anakin Skywalker to offer to take her on as his Padawan.

The Wise Thing by Stranestelle

Warning: Very dark, not happy ending.

Padmé Amidala may not be all she seems. Anakin Skywalker wears his heart on his sleeve. People have crushes every day, it’s not the end of the world. Is it?

or, if you will, a sith!Padmé AU

Bonded by Betts

(Okay I’ll out myself slightly with smut but just one on my mostly SFW recs.)

Padmé had always been better at the mental half of the Jedi code—coercion, manipulation, meditation. Anakin had always been better at the physical half—beating shit up with his lightsaber.

Heirs to the Empire by Aldojlc

Alternate Universe. En route to Endor, Luke, Leia, and Han during the events of ROTJ find themselves transported into a different universe and a different Empire, with a different Vader.

Heavy AUs:

(it’s not so bad) being dead like me by Estrangedlestrange

Recently deceased Anakin Skywalker (killed in an taco truck explosion) finds himself not in the after life but recruited as the newest member of the undead, he’s become a grim reaper. He’s told that it’s his destiny but really he thinks it’s just rotten luck. Rotten except for the fact that one of his fellow reapers is Padmé Amidala, the most beautiful woman Anakin’s has seen, dead or alive. As he struggles to come to grips with his death and his new role in the universe, Anakin finds that taking souls isn’t the easiest job out there, he also finds himself falling in love.

Skyborn by Silverdaye

Senator Padmé Amidala enjoys spending her time in a bookstore, one made of real flimsi books where each one costs a small fortune. It is there she meets a strange man, Anakin Skywalker, who is searching for long forgotten planet, Kesh. 4,500 years ago a ship crashed on Kesh. The survivors told the natives they were their gods, the Skyborn. Anakin is one of them.

For Even the Very Wise Cannot See All Ends by UncorrectGrammar

When people think of Anakin Skywalker, they think of the Chosen One, the Hero With No Fear. They think of an accomplished duelist, of the best flyer in Hogwarts, of the prophesized savior of the wizarding world.

They don’t think of gardens diligently kept or dirt under fingernails.

Or: Anakin Skywalker and his legacy. Hogwarts AU.

General Prequel Era (Non Anidala Centric, but still contain Anidala)

Like Fire In Our Bones by AcuteNeurosis

With all of the most important things in the galaxy literally exploding around her, Leia is given the chance to go back and help keep a promise she never personally made.

But then, for Skywalkers, saving the galaxy was always a family matter.

Well It Goes Like This by Corde_and_Dorme

At the end of it all, the thing is: Palpatine breaks his heart.

(or the one where Anakin makes the hard choice, the right choice, the other choice. Then he keeps making it.)

Vode An by Epsiloneridani

There are millions of lives on the line, clone and Jedi alike. Every second brings them one step closer to the chip's activation - one step closer to the endgame. The truth is shrouded in secrecy and clouded by doubt. The clock's ticking down.

It's a race against time.

Fives is gone. Echo finds the courage to ask why.

Bonus: ObiAnidala

For We Are A Woven Thread; Find the Strand by Shadowsong26

The night before Obi-Wan was to leave for Utapau, he and Anakin and Padme agreed that, regardless of the Council's orders, Anakin should go as well. They split up over the course of the battle--and when Order 66 is given, they cannot find one another in the chaos; Padme, on Coruscant, is left with the knowledge that neither of them is coming back.

This story covers the next four years in their lives; how they survived and coped with the loss; how they began to fight back--and how they found their way home.

#Star Wars #Anakin #Padme #Anidala

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xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

Hey this is for your matchups which again yayyy congrats on nearly 200!! Anyways for my matchup:

1-3) My nickname is Em, she/her and idm who you pair me with

4) I'd describe myself as shy at first then once you get to know me I'll open up, an overthinker and I like to be organized

My hobbies are writing, I really love it alot, I also like to draw if I get time and I love music alot too

In a partner I'd look for someone who makes me laugh and who's patient

For dealbreakers it's pretty general but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't consider other ppl's feelings

5) I don't have an aesthetic but I like pastel aesthetics but then I also like dark aesthetics and light academia so it's a mix I guess

6) Colours to describe me would be teal blue and silver, well according to you anyways

7) Right now I'd say my favourite song is Tru Luv Street by Awfultune or Fight Night Champion by Cyberbully Mom Club

8) Idk about a specific genre but some artists I like rn are: Awfultune, Carpetgarden, Cavetown, Clem Turner, Cyberbully Mom Club, Girl in Red, Joji, Lorde, Matt Maltese and Twenty One Pilots (sorry that's alot)

9) Ooh and I wanted to include that my favourite book is Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

Thank you in advance and also ily, you deserve all the love and more!! <3

EM MY BELOVED I HAVE DONE IT

@sugasfanfics this was so fun wtf like-- ugh i love this

ANYWAY i know i already kinda spilled the beans but im gonna match you with....

✧𝐴𝑘𝑎𝑎𝑠ℎ𝑖 𝐾𝑒𝑖𝑗𝑖✧

AGASHIII

and no it's not just because you're already in love w him i have good reasoning behind this because i said so anyWAY

✧𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡✧

how you met, for in case you cant see my fancy text

Cafe

C a f e

But like

A cafe specifically for nerds

This is just my like 2nd dream job okay but like hear me out

They have coffee & tea & a bookshelf full of old books and a chalkboard

You can write all over the chalkboard

You write super tiny and just let a little mini vent out in the corner because you’re stressed out and need to get everything off your chest

BUT you come back the next day and there’s a little note in the same little corner

Your message is gone

But instead is a little note from someone

“If you ever need to talk to someone, let me know”

And an Instagram username

So you give it a shot and you’re like why not talk to this random person Y’know maybe make a new friend if anything just thank them for the offer

You message him and start talking (and low key stalk his page just to see what he’s like, or maybe that’s just me being a snoop) and he’s actually really cool! So you guys meet up and get coffee and actually start talking all the time it’s really sweet

✧𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠✧

general headcanons

When i think of akaashi, I think of stars

When i think of you, i think of picnics and for some reason, water

Like the ocean

SO EVEN IF ITS NOT THE OCEAN

Your ‘spot’ is by this lake where he took you on a date one time

Maybe for an anniversary or something

But you guys did a little picnic dinner thing and were out when the sun went down so sat and stared at the stars

You buried a rock there and both of you like to stand on that spot where the rock is when youre there with the other

Or send the other a picture like “hiii baby look what i found” w your shoe in the picture

Bokuto is your #1 shipper high key

Like he thinks you two are so cute

He loves you so much too like

He and akaashi are kinda a package deal so like if ur dating akaashi ur dating bokuto just with less kissing (bokuto likes to kiss your cheek or forehead) (after making sure this was ok with akaashi of course) (ur his girlfriend of course)

But anyway just bokuto

He’s so sweet

And so clueless

You two will be walking together and then he’ll just walk up behind you and sling his arms over your shoulders

If youre holding hands w akaashi? He’ll put his hand over both of yours

God now i wanna write a fic but anyway

Bo is just the sweetest and is akaashi’s #1 hype man when he’s worried about a date

He’s ur #2 bc im ur #1 sorry to tell u

Bo totally tried to coin the platonic soulmates thing i love you kou but gtfo my em

Im arguing with fictional characters

ANYWAY

When akaashi is stressed he likes to wrap his arms around you and lay his head against your neck

He’ll never admit it out loud because he thinks its weird but he thinks you smell nice

When he’s starting to overthink too much + spiral he just will grab you and hug you until all the bad thoughts go away

When he thinks to of course

When he doesn’t, there are times you gotta find him and calm him down

Which he loves so much

Sit him down on the floor so he feels more grounded and hold his hand (or hook pinkies that's so cute i jhbflebf) (not the time spencer gtfo)

That way ur not crowding him but you’re still there y'know

And sometimes he’ll talk, sometimes you need to talk him down, sometimes you just sit in silence

Eventually he will lean forward into you and hug you because he doesn't want to talk, but he wants you to know he’s okay

Rub his back, kiss his head, you’ll both be okay

He’s really good with you too

When you’re stressed out he might push a couple buttons but he means well

He just wants to know who made his star upset (he calls you his star or darling convince me otherwise)

So he pushes buttons until you finally talk about it because obviously it’s bothering you why wouldn't you talk about it?? He just wants to fix it??

Sometimes this gets more irritating, sometimes it helps, it depends on the day

But even if you do get into an argument, expect to hear from him before the end of the night apologizing because he feels so bad for arguing with you that he doesn’t even care what the argument was about he just wants to make sure you still love him

I think im getting off topic but tbh this part is always just me rambling lol

Another thing I think of when I think of akaashi is rain. I don't know why but i do

You have to at least know OF the notebook & the rain scene to get this

I don't know the book lol i just know this much and i'm a dork so we’re using it & some quotes just a heads up

But just imagine its pouring and you’re bored and text him like “i wish i could see you but its raining & we didn't really make plans & i don't want you to get caught in the rain anywhere”

This mfer

RUNS ALL THE WAY TO UR HOUSE

JUST SHOWS UP

OUT OF NO WHERE

And being the freakin

book nerd he is

He texts you and goes “I wrote you 365 letters.”

And then just “(come to the door and I’ll finish the quote)”

So you bolt to the front door

And there he is

Soaking wet & smiling like an idiot

“I wrote to you everyday for a year.”

To which you start laughing and barley are able to make out a “it wasn’t over’ (which is the beginning of the next quote) before kissing him

And this jerk pulls you out in the rain with him because WHAT is more romantic than kissing in the rain

Nothing

Anyway he ends up with a cold but you give him some of the clothes you probably stole from him to get into dry clothes and you cuddle under the covers with tea

After you smack him (playfully of course) because “you IDIOT keiji it's pouring out here!!” “I wanted to see you too so i ran over” “you're impossible”

Anyway yeah #emkaashiotp

✧𝐴 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎✧

a date idea

Bookstore

I'm really good at naming places aren't i

Anyway

Bookstore date

But do something fun where the two of you have to go through an aisle and find a random page and read it in the like

How do i explain this

Make it sound suuuuper sexual without it actually being that way and not laugh

Whoever loses buys lunch

Lets just say you lose a lot dear im sorry (he insists on buying anyway, sometimes he wins that argument)

You’re smiley :) (guys her smile is so cute ebflbejfb em ILY)

Oh also doesn’t matter if he bought lunch or not he always gets you something

Whether it be that book you decided you couldn't get this time or a little trinket that reminded him of you, or sometimes it’s just ice cream

It’s all very sweet (hahaha pun)

He always walks you home and gives you a little kiss when he drops you off

Doesn’t leave till you’re inside & he knows you’re good

You make him promise to text you when he gets home

Which he does, without fail

✧𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦✧

zodiac compatibility

Sagittariuses are very intelligent, fair-minded & honest, similar to a Libra’s cleverness & rationale. Because of this similarity, trust is a huge thing in these relationships. It can be all or nothing, but finding balance is important to keep both people happy. Luckily, Libras are very good at this. From everything I’ve seen, these signs together have a very high compatibility and can have a very long-withstanding and healthy relationship.

✧𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐✧

aesthetic

✧𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡✧

playlist

House of Gold - Twenty-One Pilots

Lvr Boy - awfultune

A Shitty Love Song - Jye

Darling Get Up - awfultune

Something Just Like This - Alex Goot

✧𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑈𝑝✧

runners up

Nishinoya Yuu, Sugawara Koushi

#//ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘꜱ

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theycallmebeccawrites · 4 years

Text

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21

Greetings all! I hope you guys are having a good day and if not, I hope it gets better for you. Today is a bittersweet day for me. I gave Ellie July 17th as her birthday in honor of my grandma, who passed away in 2016, a couple days after I started writing the Chris and Ellie series. My grandma would have been 92 today. ❤

My grandma always encouraged me to do what I love and I love to write, so I do. And I love sharing what I’ve written with you guys. So thank you for allowing me to share this little world I have created with all of you guys. And thank you all for reading.

xo Becca xo

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: The lead up to Ellie's birthday and the surprise that Scott has planned for her.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 20.5

Episode 21: Birthday Confessions

July 2014

Music flowed through the speakers as Ellie merged off the freeway and onto the exit for LAX.

"I don't have to go, you know," Scott said as he looked over at her.

"Yes, you do," Ellie replied, glancing at him. "You're in a wedding and your family has been looking forward to seeing you."

"I just don't like the idea of you all alone," Scott admitted. He knew she had come a long way in the weeks since she'd started opening up about what had happened between her and Chris, but he hated leaving her there alone.

"I'll be fine," Ellie assured him with more confidence than she actually felt. She hadn't been by herself in the house since December and that felt like a lifetime ago. If she was being honest with herself, she'd never really liked being in the big house when it was empty, but now it was filled with memories she didn't want to revisit.

"Thanks for driving me," Scott said as Ellie navigated the departures drop off area.

"It was the only way for me to ensure you'd get on the plane," Ellie replied in a joking manner as she pulled over in front of the designated area for the airline he was flying.

Scott gave a mumbled 'ha' before he leaned over and gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. Then he got out of the car and went back to the trunk to get his suitcase. He gave her another wave before he disappeared into the steady stream of people going into the airport.

Not ready to go home yet, Ellie ran a few errands before she made her way back to Chris's house. She parked her car in the garage and then made her way inside.

With no desire to hang out in the big house, she quickly made her way through the kitchen and out the backdoor. Using the patio off the kitchen and the steps down to the pool deck took longer than going out the door through the basement, but she didn't like going down to that room if she didn't have to.

Once inside the guesthouse, Ellie let Daisy out of her kennel and then sat down on her bed to check her email. She'd finished editing a book a couple weeks ago for a new author and was waiting for her next assignment. Instead of finding a new manuscript to read, she found an email saying that one of her main authors would have one ready for her soon, so they were keeping her schedule open.

After replying to the email, Ellie closed her laptop and leaned back against the pillows on her bed with a sigh. She had been hoping to distract herself with a new manuscript while Scott was gone, but now that wasn't an option. She'd already picked up a few extra shifts at the bookstore, helping people who wanted to take days off, but picking up seemed better than staying at Chris's more than necessary.

Picking up her phone, she sent a couple texts, seeing if anyone wanted to hang out that night. Unfortunately, no one was available, but she was able to make plans for other nights during the week when she wasn't working. Including accepting a couple invitations for the Fourth of July.

Thus, the first week Scott was gone went by in a breeze. She worked on the second and went to a movie with some friends after work on the third. Then she spent the morning of the fourth with her cousin and the late afternoon and evening with Pierre and some of his friends. She picked up another shift on Saturday and then spent Sunday with her cousin's family, not wanting to spend the whole day alone at Chris's house.

"You've had a busy week," Pierre reflected after she'd told him all about it during dinner at his condo during the second week. In fact, he'd already known how busy she was keeping herself, thanks to a group chat he'd found himself part of with her sisters, cousin and Scott. He wasn't convinced it was a good idea to have such a chat, but it made the others feel better.

"It feels good to be busy," Ellie said with a shrug before muttering, "Better than staying alone in the house, anyway."

Whether or not she wanted him to hear the last part, he had, and he realized her sisters were right to raise concern over her sudden shift in personality. Ellie, they had explained to him, was a homebody by nature. A trait she'd shared with Chris, Scott had told him privately.

"What's wrong with staying at home?" he asked, cautiously.

Ellie sighed and shoved her food around on her plate before looking up. "Other than that it's Chris's house and I'm just a house guest?" she asked.

She sounded snarky, but he sensed that she was trying to mask her true feelings. Instead of prying, he waited her out. They'd been friends for nearly two months and he'd learned quickly that she liked to process her thoughts before she could speak them aloud.

"It's the memories," she finally admitted. "There's nowhere in the house that I can go that doesn't have a million memories flooding back to my brain of happier times. Not even the guesthouse is memory free, but there, with my things, I can push him out. That isn't possible in the rest of the house though. He's fucking everywhere."

Pierre nodded consolingly. He'd been through many a breakup, but only one that had left him in a house full of memories. Of course, he'd had to suffer through the rest of his lease before he'd been able to move. But moving to this condo had been a fresh start.

"And I'm crying again," she said in an exasperated tone as she brushed away the tears. "I told myself that I'd cried enough over this whole situation."

Pierre stood up and grabbed a box of tissues off the kitchen counter and brought them back to the table. Instead of sitting back down across from her, he took the seat next to her. He handed her a tissue and she gave him a weak smile before blotting the tears.

"Obviously, I don't know your financial situation or what your agreement is with Scott's mom regarding room and board, but have you thought about moving out?" he asked Ellie.

Ellie shook her head. "I hadn't gotten that far yet," she admitted. "Chris is gone for another few months and technically, living there when he isn't there is what I'm paid to do."

"Think about it," Pierre encouraged her. "It might be the next step you have to take."

The idea of finding her own place stayed at the forefront of Ellie's mind in the days that followed, but it wasn't until a night where she had nothing to do but sit in the guesthouse that she did anything about it. She went back to the links she'd found in her early days of living in the Los Angeles area and looked for availabilities within her price range. There were a few of them, but none in areas that she'd feel comfortable living by herself in.

Unlike the last time she'd been hunting for an apartment, she wasn't tied down to a specific part of town because of a job. Nor was she as strapped for cash as she had been. Thanks to the added income of editing manuscripts and not having to pay rent, she had managed to pay down a lot of her debt with the money that Chris's mom had paid her.

Despite having a wider area to search for a place to live, Ellie found herself struggling to find anything less than $1,000 a month that allowed dogs. Frustrated, she closed her laptop and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Which only served to remind her that in addition to finding a place to live, she'd have to buy furniture as well as she didn't have any.

"We'll find a place, Daisy," she said, scratching her dog's head. "I don't know where yet, but we'll find a place."

By the time Scott returned from the east coast, a few days later, she'd sent off applications for a couple of apartments an hour or so away, but both had come back saying she'd been added to a waiting list for an apartment. She considered telling Scott that she was thinking about moving out but decided against it. She knew he was still worried about her with everything that had happened and she didn't want to worry him more than she had to.

"You're a doll for picking me up," Scott said once he was in the car and she had merged into the traffic leaving LAX.

"Gave me an excuse to get out of the house," Ellie replied before mentally kicking herself. "Daisy and I spent yesterday lounging by the pool."

Scott lowered his sunglasses and raised his eyebrows. "Under an umbrella?" he asked, seeing that her skin, while glowing, was still barely tan.

"And wearing lots of SPF," she replied with a laugh. "How was Massachusetts and the wedding?"

"The wedding was beautiful," Scott stated before going into a full rundown of the wedding. Followed by an elaborate explanation of his family's Fourth of July party and what he had done with his family while he'd been home.

"Sounds like you had a blast," Ellie said with a smile.

"Oh, I did, but it's nice to come home to some quiet," he replied and then smiled. "But don't worry. It won't be too quiet, after all, we both know what's happening on Thursday."

"I know my birthday is on Thursday," Ellie said, cautiously as she glanced at him. He wore a big smile on his face. "Scott Evans, what have you done?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," he replied, then mimed zipping his lips closed, locking them and throwing away the key.

He remained annoyingly tight lipped over the next few days, which put her slightly on edge because she had no idea what he had up his sleeve. She knew the two of them had two very different types of fun; she liked to stay home and play games while he liked to go out and dance.

Thursday morning, Ellie came up to the big house to find a cinnamon roll in a pastry box for her on the kitchen counter along with a note from Scott.

Izzy told me that you guys always had cinnamon rolls for breakfast whenever someone in the family had a birthday when you were growing up. I didn't make it (that would have been a disaster) but enjoy!

She cut the large cinnamon roll in half and ate half of it, then took the other half back to the guesthouse with her, to take to work. Once Daisy was settled in her kennel, Ellie grabbed her stuff and left for work.

The sense of relief that came over her as she drove away from the house was only more confirmation that it was time for her to move out.

Later, during her lunch break, she looked for apartments again and, after failing to find much in the Los Angeles area, decided to try looking in Oregon. She hated the idea of leaving LA and her friends, but the truth was she could live anywhere and still do her editing.

—————

“She’s coming!” Scott called as he ran down the stairs. "Everyone get away from the window!"

He heard her sisters scrambling into spots that couldn't be seen from the window as he made his way to the main floor. Hearing the garage door opening, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen and was waiting there when Ellie came into the house.

"Hey there, birthday girl!" he greeted her with a big grin. "I noticed you didn't leave me a piece of the cinnamon roll."

"You're damn right I didn't," Ellie replied with a tired smile.

"Before you go to your room, can you come look at something in the living room for me?" he asked.

"I have a call with my sisters in like ten minutes," she told him, glancing at the clock on the stove.

"It'll be fast, promise," Scott insisted. "Like a minute tops."

Sighing, Ellie put her stuff down on the counter and then followed him down the hall to the living room. "So what am I -" she started to ask, but shut her mouth when she saw her sisters sitting casually in the room.

She stared in disbelief as tears began to well up in her eyes. She felt Scott nudge her from behind, encouraging her to go to her sisters.

"Happy Birthday, El," Izzy said, reaching her first. She wrapped her around Ellie and hugged her tight.

"I'm happy you guys are here," Ellie said, through her tears. "But what are you doing here?"

"You didn't think we were going to make you celebrate all by yourself, did you?" her youngest sister, Riley, asked with a grin as she gave Ellie a hug. "We were here last year, too. This year we just brought Sydney with us."

"I'm here to make sure those two don't get too wild," Sydney said, jokingly as she gave Ellie a hug. "And to make sure we do things you like to do for your birthday weekend."

"Birthday weekend?" Ellie repeated. Then she saw Scott lingering in the doorway. "This is what you've been planning all week, isn't it?"

"Part of it anyway," Scott replied with a grin. "I'll let them tell you the rest."

"You're the best," Ellie told him. She reached her hand out to him and he took it, squeezing it. "What is the rest?"

"Our gift to you is a weekend getaway at a beach house about an hour from here," Sydney told her. "The five of us and Pierre, but he'll be coming tomorrow after work."

"When are we going?" Ellie asked.

"As soon as you can pack a bag," Izzy told her.

"What about Daisy?" Ellie asked, only then spotting her dog curled up in her favorite chair in the corner.

"She's coming with us," Scott replied. "I've already packed her stuff."

"Thanks," Ellie said, smiling at him. "What do I need to bring?"

"I'll h-" Izzy and Riley started, but Sydney stepped forward and took Ellie's hand before saying, "I'll help you pack."

"Thank you," Ellie muttered under her breath as she and Sydney made their way to the guest house.

Twenty minutes later, she and Sydney came back into the main house, locking doors as they passed them. They followed the voices out to the garage and found Scott and Izzy loading things into his car while Riley played with Daisy.

"Isn't someone driving with Scott?" Ellie asked as Izzy took her bag and put it in the backseat.

"Daisy is going to be my copilot," Scott told her

"Are you sure?" Ellie asked him. "I can ride with you."

"Nah, you ride with your sisters, Daisy and I will be fine," Scott assured her. "Besides, she doesn't try to change the music like some people I know." He gave her a pointed look.

"I would be offended except you do the same thing to me when I'm driving you," Ellie retorted before maturely sticking her tongue out at him.

"Very mature for a 29-year-old," Scott commented.

"Let's get on the road, shall we?" Sydney interrupted in a mom tone.

"You guys head out, I'll do a quick check around the house to lock it up and then Daisy and I will follow," Scott offered.

"Shotgun!" Riley shouted out.

"It's Ellie's birthday, Riles," Izzy said, shaking her head. "The birthday person always gets the front seat."

"Fine," Riley sighed. "Let's go."

Thanks to traffic, the drive took longer than an hour, but Ellie didn't mind. It had been a long time since she'd gone anywhere with just her sisters and it was just like old times. Telling stories, laughing, and talking over each other as Sydney drove.

The beach house was down the street from the beach, rather than oceanfront, but they could see the ocean from the balcony off the largest of the three bedrooms. The house had a Mediterranean feel to it in its design and decor. The first floor had the smaller of the three bedrooms rooms, a half bath and an open concept living, dining and kitchen. The second floor had a full bathroom and two bedrooms, the largest of the two having two queen sized beds in it. The best part of the house, though, was the backyard that looked like it belonged in Italy instead of Southern California.

By the time Scott got to the house with Daisy, the sisters had unloaded the few things that had been in the trunk of Ellie's car and had ordered takeout from a nearby restaurant. They helped him unload his car, putting their luggage in the bedroom with the two queen sized beds, leaving the other two rooms for Scott and Pierre.

Then they all headed outside to relax on the back porch while they waited for their dinner to be delivered. Sydney poured everyone drinks, except for herself, a fact that her sisters quickly noticed.

"Are you pregnant?!" Riley demanded.

The corner of Sydney's mouth twitched, but she nodded. "I didn't want to say anything tonight, because it's Ellie's birthday, but -"

"Shut up," Ellie said laughing as she gave her sister a hug. "It's the best birthday present you could give me!"

Hearing the doorbell ring, Scott went to answer it, leaving the sisters to celebrate. Knowing the sisters had already paid for the meal, he gave the delivery person a cash tip, thanked them and closed the door.

As he carried the food back to the girls, he paused when he heard Ellie say: "I have some news myself."

Given what her sister had just announced, he froze, his mind instantly going to the idea that she might be pregnant with Chris's baby.

"Relax, I'm not pregnant," Ellie said with a nervous laugh.

"Fucking hell, Ellie," Izzy said in a relieved tone that matched how Scott was feeling. "Don't scare us like that."

"What's your news, Ellie?" Sydney asked, drawing everyone's attention back to Ellie.

"I'm going to move out of Chris's house," Ellie announced. "I don't feel comfortable there anymore. In fact, I hate being there by myself."

Scott could tell that she was holding something back and so could her sisters, because Riley called her out on it.

"What aren't you telling us?" Riley asked.

"I'm having a hard time finding a place here that I can afford," Ellie replied, her voice trailing off. "So I might be moving home. Want a roommate, Riles?"

Scott felt his stomach drop. He didn't want Ellie to go back to Oregon.

"I thought you were saving money," Sydney said, snapping into the protective older sister/mothering older sister mode.

Scott smirked. Her sisters had this.

"I paid off a lot of things," Ellie replied. "And I have some savings, but…"

Scott heard her sigh.

"After everything with Chris went downhill, I haven't felt right accepting the money that Lisa has been paying me," she confessed to her sisters. "I've been donating my paychecks to a non-profit organization that provides books to underprivileged kids in the LA area. It seemed fitting since she and I met at the bookstore."

"Oh Ellie," Sydney said, the tone not one of scolding but of compassion.

Backing up, Scott decided to put dinner on the dining room table and get dishes out so they could serve themselves in the house. Allowing the sisters and himself time to process Ellie's confession. All of them.

He hated the idea of her moving period, but especially the idea of her moving to another state. The paycheck donation was a whole different situation, one that he wasn't fully capable of processing just yet. Obviously, there was guilt on Ellie's part, but for what? Taking advantage of his mom's trust by boinking Chris? His mom liked Ellie and she would have loved holding the fact that she'd picked Chris's wife over his head.

Scott shook his head and sighed. Hearing footsteps, he looked up and saw Riley in the doorway. "I was just going to call you guys in," he told her, gesturing to the food that he'd laid out.

"Awesome, I'll get the others," Riley replied before disappearing outside again.

One thing he knew for sure was that if his mom ever found out that Ellie had donated her paychecks because Chris was a dumbass, Scott would pay top dollar to witness that confrontation.

He was still smirking to himself when the sisters filed in. He let them go first and then dished himself a plate of food.

No one said a word about Ellie's possible move until they were all seated at the table outside.

"For the record, I think you moving back to Oregon is a bad idea," Riley stated, looking at her older sister. "I've never seen you run away from your problems in my entire life. Never mind the fact that everyone will wonder why you left California. And you know how our family talks, it will be all over town within five days of you stepping foot on mom and dad's farm. We won't talk, but you know how they are, they'll figure it out. They always do."

Scott picked up his drink and took a sip, hiding his smile. Ellie was stubborn, but her sisters wouldn't let her do anything stupid. And neither would he. He was going to do everything in his power to get her to stay in LA.

Episode 21.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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#theycallmebecca #theycallmebeccawrites #chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris and ellie series #chris and ellie #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x ofc #chris evans fan fiction #chris evas x original character #friends to lovers

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 3 years

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what's love got to do with it, chapter 1: no promises, no demands

Jennifer x Deacon, 12 Monkeys. also on ao3.

Modern fake marriage AU, in which nobody time travels and the world doesn’t end but Jennifer and Deacon do decide to marry for money and are not prepared for what follows. Shoutout to @schlotzshewrote on this one.

“I like you,” he said, deciding to be as gentle as he could with the letdown. “You know, as a person. But marriage...it’s really not my thing. And we, we’d drive each other crazy as a couple.”

“Deacon.” Jennifer laughed, her hair flying until that snort of hers escaped. “An indecent proposal. An affair to remember. I’m not asking you to marry me.”

“You just did.”

“I did, but I’m not. Come on, follow the yellow brick road--my father is the Wizard and he’s pulling the strings on my trust fund’s legal loopholes. If I want to get around them, and get the Markridge money that was always supposed to be mine, I have to be a bride.”

She hummed the wedding march.

“That doesn’t mean we have to be married. We just have to get married. It’s all about life’s little rituals. Get it?”

Jennifer found him in the bookstore down the street from his bar, where Deacon spent most of his days off. He couldn’t explain why he preferred it there, the smells and the shelves and the quiet buzz of the people, but it suited him better than getting books in the mail or reading them on a screen.

She joined him on the couch where he’d settled, which wasn’t unusual. She hadn’t picked up something to read along the way, which was. He was already setting his book down when she jumped right in.

“Wanna get married?”

Deacon wasn’t easily surprised, even by Jennifer’s more whimsical moods, but this time he had to pause for half a second to catch up.

“Well, I’d have to see the ring first.”

“Haven’t got a ring. Don’t know your size.” She shifted herself across the cushion until she was comfortably nestled under his arm. “But I do have...fifty million dollars.”

Whatever he was about to say turned into a cough, shock blocking his access to air. That kind of money--it didn’t even sound possible, did it?

“Are you saying you want to pay me to marry you?”

“No. Yes, but no. I’m saying I need to marry you to get paid. Then I can pay you, for getting me paid.” She waved a hand. “It’s a whole thing.”

“Listen, kid, not that I’m not tempted to believe that amount of money is real--”

“Oh, it's real.”

“But, I’m gonna need more information. Why would you need to marry me?” He pulled away to look down at her. “Is it me specifically, or...”

“Nope, any man will do. I’d say anyone will do, man or woman, but Grandpa was a real traditional bastard or else I wouldn’t be in this pickle.”

He didn’t know if he was flattered or insulted. Mostly he was still baffled by how casual Jennifer seemed, cuddled up to him like she didn’t have a care in the world except trying to convince Deacon to help her spend millions as a married couple.

A married couple. Yikes.

“Deacon.” Jennifer laughed, her hair flying until that snort of hers escaped. “An indecent proposal. An affair to remember. I’m not asking you to marry me.”

“You just did.”

She hummed the wedding march.

“That doesn’t mean we have to be married. We just have to get married. It’s all about life’s little rituals. Get it?”

If he were slow, her missing-canary grin would’ve helped him along, but Deacon usually understood Jennifer pretty well.

“Do I get fifty million myself, or do we split it?”

“The whole trust is supposed to be upwards of one-fifty, so you can have fifty.” She said it the same way Deacon would offer her half a sandwich. “Lawyers and accountants will work out the particulars, but I’m sure we can arrange it as a nice settlement in the divorce.”

“Wow. Not even married yet and you’re already talking divorce.” He nudged her with his elbow, and her grin widened.

“You’re gonna do it.”

“I didn’t say that. I might have conditions.”

“You don’t though. Deacon...”

“Yeah, okay, I can’t think of any at this exact second. Forgive me for never having imagined fifty million dollars before--it’s a difficult number to get my head around.”

“If you say yes, you’ll have plenty of time to process. It’s a long flight to Vegas.”

“Vegas.”

She clapped. “Of course! Where do two people go for a spur-of-the-moment yet believable wedding? What happens there stays there but our marriage there will come here--and then we will be the proud owners of my rightful inheritance.”

He smiled down at his hands, then directed that considering look at her. “I’ve never been to Vegas.”

“It’s full of sin and entertainment and food and luxury hotel rooms,” Jennifer told him. “You’ll love it.”

What kind of idiot has a friend walk up to him with a winning lottery ticket and throws it away? Deacon thought as Jennifer waited, bouncing a little on the couch beside him.

A drive-through wedding, a Vegas vacation, an amicable divorce. To be followed by millions upon millions of dollars. Why was he even hesitating?

He looked over, and Jennifer beamed at him. Not smiled but actually beamed, he thought, like she was her own source of light. Or his.

Yeah, that was why, he admitted to himself. So what if it was a sham marriage--it was still a marriage. To Jennifer.

He was pretty sure nothing good could come from that, in the end.

She grabbed his hand and tugged on it a little, interrupting his thoughts. “Well? Want to get hitched?”

Deacon had never spent his life worrying much about the end. Waste of time, as far as he could tell. The middle was much more interesting.

“What the hell,” he told her, squeezing her hand. “I have to settle up at the bar, figure out when I’m free, but then, sure. Let’s go.”

“You own the bar,” she reminded him. “You’re free. Tell your brother and my car will take us to the airport.”

“Seriously. Just like that.”

“Just like that.” Deacon ignored her teasing tone, trying to plan his next steps. The bar would be fine without him for a few days, his brother was already watching his dog because it turned out he was allergic...he didn’t even have plants that would need watering.

Apparently his life was perfectly suited to a drop-everything getaway. Go figure.

“Do you like that book?”

He glanced down at the one he'd been halfway through when she arrived. “Yeah, I’m liking it so far. Was going to finish it before I headed home.”

“Well, how about instead of doing that, you walk over and talk to your brother. Get packed.” Jennifer held up the book. “I will buy this for you and you can finish it on the plane.”

“Jennifer, you don’t have to--I can buy my own books,” he protested, but she was already up off the couch, darting out of reach. It was an effective enough distraction that Deacon forgot to argue against leaving literally right that moment.

She grinned, victorious.

“Engagement gift.”

#LOOK WHO'S BACK #because for some reason leander's video game music is the perfect backdrop for me ignoring character voice concerns and just...writing #jennifer x deacon #12 monkeys #fake marriage au #otp: like a fox #wlgtdwi: the marriage au #jennifer x deacon fic #12 monkeys fic #my fic

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a-mythical-lady · 3 years

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Books and me.

14 years ago

(Age: 7)

It was bedtime and maa had just made my bed when I heard the front door open. Papa was home from work and I could hear bhai running to see papa and tell him random stuff. I bet papa listened to everything, despite being tired. After that, he came to my room, "Look what I got you" he said, and extended a book to me. I was confused as he had never brought me a book before. It was a book called Panchatantra. A story of an old rishi who gives life lessons to his five shishyas at the gurukul through stories about nature and animals. I was excited about getting my first book and begrudgingly, maa let me stay up later than usual. That night, sprawled on my bed, I was entranced and fascinated by all the different stories and scenes and talking animals. The next morning, I woke up by myself and finished the entire book by noon.

The next thing I know, I'm collecting comics and storybooks and getting addicted to them. Piling up tinkle comics, Archie's and Amar Chitra Katha was my only goal. Every train journey to my native place involved dragging papa to the railway station bookstore and getting myself a comic book for the train ride. I begged my parents to subscribe to storybooks along with the daily morning newspaper, and they relented after a lot of coaxing. Then, every Monday morning I'd wait eagerly for the newspaper boy to deliver my weekly dose of happiness with books of chacha Choudary, chandamama, and champak. Soon, this became an obsession that even my parents started noticing. Maa began hiding my copies of storybooks during the exams and giving them back only after all my exams were done. I began pestering papa to get me more and more books every day. Sometimes he would get me a double digest edition of tinkle and I'd be ecstatic and over the moon. It's amazing how something so small and silly used to make me so happy. I'd re-read the same books once I'd gone through my entire stash of new books. Out of desperation, I'd read anything I could lay my hands on. In school, we used to get all our term textbooks a month before the reopening of a new academic year and my English textbooks fell prey to this obsession of mine. I'd know all the lessons and stories by heart before the school year started. I think that was one of the reasons for the nerd label I got in school. I even started reading stories from the Bible, borrowing storybooks from another girl in my neighborhood. Little did I know that this was only the beginning.

10 years ago

(Age: 11)

One fine summer afternoon, bhai was busy watching tv in the living room and maa and papa were at work. We had free rein on the tv as it was the summer holidays and I had free rein on my books. I was lazing around in my room and started searching the entire house for something new to read. And finally, I found a book among bhai's things. It was probably a gift. It wasn't a comic book or a usual storybook. This one was an actual book. A novel. And it had no pictures. I was skeptical but boredom got the best of me and I decided to read a few pages to pass the time. It was a hardy boys book, written by Franklin W Dixon. After reading a few pages, my 11-year-old brain almost exploded with fascination. The style of writing, the mystery, the suspense of the entire book drew me in completely and I knew then, this was a turning point in my life where books are concerned. I felt almost grown-up. And so I read the 200 page novel with wide eyes and a bursting heart in 3 hours, without even getting up to pee. I went and told bhai about the new book I read. He laughed it off. I told maa and papa when they came back from work. "That's good beta", they said. I was disappointed that they didn't feel the same exhilaration that I did. Papa still got my books whenever I asked him. For the second time, I found myself collecting and piling up books. All of the hardy boys and Nancy drew collections. Once again, I was entranced, trapped yet alive like never before in a whole new world.

After that, a multitude of options lay before me. I dived headfirst into reading mystery and moved onto classics written by Charles Dickens, The Bronté sisters, Mary Shelly, and even a dash of Shakespeare. I fell in love with David Copperfield, Oliver twist, treasure island, Jane Eyre and Frankenstein.

But eventually, buying books so often became a chore and at the pace I was reading, with one book hardly lasting a day, we couldn't afford to buy as many books. So, then one day, maa and I set out on a goose chase all over the city looking for libraries where I could borrow books from. At last, we found an old government library inside an even older building that looked almost haunted. And as we bravely stepped into the barely holding up building, we only found old uncles reading newspapers and gossiping. Thankfully, there was a rack of English fiction. Just one single rack. Although mildly disappointed, I was determined to make do with that. I got myself a membership plan and my reading palette had its first taste of Indian authors. That one rack had a fair collection of young adult books, standalone contemporary novels which sated my hunger for quite some time. While other people gushed over my habit of reading books, my parents were a little concerned. But as I started writing my own speeches in school, improved in my speaking skills, I'm sure they were convinced and over time, I think they accepted this obsession of mine. Or at the very least, were forced to.

6 years ago.

(Age: 15)

My love for reading only grew and now I had a book beside me during breakfast, lunch, and dinner which my parents barely tolerated. I even started planting a book in every corner of my house for easy access, under the coffee table, by my bed, on my study table. While kids my age sneaked mobile phones under their pillows, I sneaked in books to read.

After a few years, I finally met a kindred spirit with a shared love for reading. He was older than me and introduced me to books by Dan Brown. I listened with rapt attention to the plot of the book and I immediately knew that my days of reading hardy boys and young adult books were over. It's crazy how transitioning between genres and different types of books made me feel older and mature over the years. Few pages into the Da Vinci code and I fell, hook, line, and sinker. I finished the entire 500-page book in a day. Back then, I was pretty adamant about having my own copies of books and collecting them, which I guess stemmed from my childhood obsession with collecting comics. Soon, I'd exhausted the books at the old library and had no other option but to trade in my precious books for second-hand books at a wholesale book store very far away from home. Because they were at a secondhand rate, I could now afford more books and although the pages were worn out and yellowed, I was happy. The already folded pages, notes in the corners of some pages jotted down by the previous owner made me feel oddly connected and attached.

Present-day

(Age: 21)

As I grew up and left my teenage years behind, life and boards got in my way and there were gaps when I couldn't read no matter how hard I tried. But once I found my way back to books. I knew what I was missing and knew that I would never stop reading again. I still read books by Dan Brown, Sydney Sheldon, and Nora Roberts. I found quite a few talented Indian authors. Books by Durjoy Dutta and Ravinder Singh made me fall in love with contemporary romance and light humor. I've moved on to reading books on my phone now. I miss turning pages of an actual book, but on the bright side, I get to read countless books anytime and anywhere I want. I've explored many genres over the years, murder and crime thrillers, romance, contemporary, dark fiction, and comedy, and read them accordingly when the mood strikes.

If there's one thing that has been a constant through my childhood, it has been books. Reading is a huge part of my life and very close to my heart. Words and writing mean so much to me. Books have been my solace, my safe place, my companions as I grew up, my fantasy land, and my hiding place all rolled into one. I've cried, loved, smiled, and laughed with books and I can't describe how utterly grateful I am to maa and papa for getting me my first book when I was just 7 and letting me explore my love for reading.

Although, there's one thing I'd like to admit. There's this one genre that I've never read - non-fiction and strangely, I'm still very skeptical about it. But you never know, over time I might come to like that as well!

MAJ

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indiavolowetrust · 4 years

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unexpected presents are best unwrapped.

SUMMARY: Levi is given a present. Things do not go as planned. MC is a Catholic girl raised in rural Spain and based on various female saints (for the sake of MC having a backstory).

I pull my blazer closer to my skin, doing my best to fight off a shiver. Despite the completely stagnant state of the Devildom’s weather -- the air is always on the cusp of an unpleasant, biting frigidity -- I have forgotten, again, to dress appropriately for the lack of warmth. It is at times like this that I long for the mild spring seasons of Spain again. While the Devildom holds its own in its spiraling, indulgent architecture, dark skies, and extravagant views of the city, it is difficult to ward off the yearning when I am reminded of my homeland. I pine for the sight of sunlight, Spanish cathedrals, intricately carved reliefs and paintings -- even the annoying but familiar sight of our neighbor’s farm dogs, forever yapping up a storm at our gates. And the ocean. God, I miss the ocean. As overbearing as my Catholic family is, we would never pass up an opportunity to stuff ourselves into the automobile and journey to the seashore.

It is April, after all. Springtime. If I were in the human world right now, my school adjourned for our seasonal break, I imagine that Mama would have long corralled us into the car to take us to the ocean. The fresh, salty sea breeze would visage, embracing my body with its pleasant aura, and then we would say our evening prayers, no matter the distance that exists between us and a physical church.

We should thank Him for such blessings, she would say, holding her rosary to her breast, for He loves each of his children equally and unconditionally. We must rise above the temptations of demons and devils, for it is our duty to uphold our position as the children of God. It is His will.

What a horrible, fantastic lie that was.

Another wind passes through the streets of the Devildom again, forcing me to withdraw even further into the confines of my RAD uniform. I silently thank Lord Diavolo everyday for thinking to provide me with one upon first arrival. Without the inadvertent disguise that the school uniform provides me, I imagine that one of the lesser demons walking the streets would have long devoured my body and soul. Especially seeing that I possess no physical traits that could make me even pass for a demon. Better yet, the uniform is similar to that of my Catholic school uniform: a dark, knee-length skirt, sensible shoes, and a blazer decorated with golden buttons. And black stockings, for the purposes of both modesty and warmth. It is a near identical version to the one that the Avatar of Greed would be wearing, save for his personal, frivolous touches, and one that I would be able to spot easily in the crowd before me if he were to appear.

That is, if Mammon is still here. For all I know, the loudmouth has already wandered somewhere else in his endless pursuit of money.

A lesser demon gives me an odd look as he passes by, recognizing me as an unsupervised human, and I do my best to look as nonchalant and unbothered as possible. It is expected to be in the vicinity of so many demons, of course, seeing how I am standing in the middle of a shopping district -- but it is not expected to be so unprotected.

Damn it, Mammon, where are you? I think, instinctively scanning the crowd for his tell-tale fair hair and dark skin. My search yields little success. It’s already --

“I told ya that I found it!” erupts a voice behind me, a tone of arrogance apparent in the strange language of the demons. I nearly jump out of my skin. “What’d I tell you about listenin’ to the Great Mammon?”

I whirl around to face the grinning demon. “You -- you could have done that without scaring me,” I protest indignantly, much to his humor. “Just because your brothers do that all the time doesn’t mean you have to do it to me!”

Mammon’s grin only widens, satisfaction evident on his features. “Why not? It’s more fun this way. Just because your human senses are at the bottom of the barrel doesn’t mean that we can’t mess with ya.”

“Well --”

“Come on, let’s go!” Mammon begins to stride in the opposite direction, completely ignoring my words. “I promised Lucifer that I’d have you back before dinner. It’s not that far from here, anyway.”

I sigh, seeing how little of a choice that I have in the matter.

As it turns out, it is very, very far. Or at least that’s how my body feels about the journey. Despite having worked on my family’s farm all my life, it is difficult to keep up with Mammon’s considerably longer strides, and I find my lungs protest at the exertion. A side-effect of living a more idle life in the Devildom, I would expect. Mammon browses the figurines and objects through the window of the hobby shop, his eyes bouncing from item to item.

“I thought you said it wasn’t far,” I say, catching my breath.

“Not for a demon,” he responds nonchalantly. His eyes catch on something on display. “Think he’d like something like that?”

I follow his gaze. His eyes are locked on what appears to be a more plain but stylish-looking wallet, missing the typical brand of the TSL series. Dark and well-made and not at all to Levi’s tastes or use, as it would appear. I frown at the greedy spark in Mammon’s eyes.

"You’re not tricking me into buying a new home for Goldie,” I remark, crossing my arms. “And I’m pretty sure Levi wouldn’t want a brand new wallet for his birthday. Doesn’t he only buy things online?”

“Ya never know,” says Mammon. “If we demons want something, we want something. No ifs, ands, or buts. He could decide to start using a credit card tomorrow, if he wanted to.”

“And he won’t.”

Mammon pouts. “I am his older brother, you know.”

“So his older brother would know to get him something a little better than that,” I say, searching the window of the shop myself for a more suitable present. My heart still hammers in my chest, but I’ve gotten it closer to a more manageable pace. Something catches my eye, and I point at it before I can fully inspect it. “What about that?”

Mammon’s eyes follow my finger. “That?”

It is a perfect replica of the Lord of Shadow. Mint condition, featuring his signature outfit from the very first season of the series, and, most importantly, a special limited edition of the product. A hefty price tag of nine thousand Grimm is attached to the bottom of its display case. Mammon scrunches his face in disapproval as he notices the price tag, wincing at the unexpectedly high price, but I know better than to relent.

“Are you sure he would want that?” he asks, his attention floating back to the more desirable wallet. “I mean, how do you know that he already doesn’t have that?”

“It’s a limited edition,” I point out. “It looks like it just came out.”

“He’s probably collected about a hundred of those things already. If you get the wallet, then --”

“I’m not getting the wallet just so he can give it to you when he doesn’t want it.” I begin to fish in my pocket for my own wallet, my fingers searching for the Grimm hidden within. They close over the foreign currency after a few moments. “And it’s for his birthday, not yours. I’ll get you anything you want when the time comes.”

Mammon brightens at that. A little too much. “Really? Anything?”

I sigh. “Well, not anything, but --”

The sound of the door to the shop opening interrupts me, the bells ringing out from inside of the store. Mammon’s incoming protests immediately die in his throat, surprise written on his features as he suddenly goes quiet. It takes me a moment to glance over in the direction Mammon faces, still preoccupied with the thought of his gift, but Mammon quickly nudges me in the side to grab my attention. I turn.

Levi looks awkwardly at the both of us, a paper bag in his hands. His golden eyes flicker back and forth between Mammon and I. I do my best to guard my intentions.

“What are you two doing here?” Levi asks.

I try to think up a lie on the fly. “I -- well, we--”

Mammon quickly hooks his arm around my shoulder, his body draping over my much smaller form. I startle, but his firm grip on my shoulder prevents me from jumping away. He grins. “This little human and I were just on a date!” he exclaims, nuzzling his face closer to mine. I resist the urge to shove the loudmouth away. “Beel told me about this ice cream place down the street, and I decided to take little St. Maria here out for the afternoon. What are you doing here?”

Levi takes a moment to glance past us, gaze landing on the bookstore next to the novelty shop. There is no ice cream shop around here, of course, but I have no choice but to concede with Mammon’s obvious lie. If Levi were to find out that we were planning on dragging him out of his room for a surprise birthday party, I have no doubts that he would do anything to excuse himself from the occasion. I force what I hope is a convincing smile on my face, hoping that Levi doesn’t see through the ruse.

“I -- I thought you were studying in your room for the rest of the day,” I say, leaning into Mammon’s embrace. “I didn’t see you at RAD this morning.”

“I see,” he says.

Mammon holds me closer to him, his easy grin still plastered on his face. He all but crushes his cheek into my dark curls -- a move that is only the slightest bit awkward -- as he does so, keeping up the pretense. “We should probably get going before it closes down,” he says quickly. “Right, human?”

I nod. “We -- we should.”

“Great! Then we’ll get going.” Mammon quickly turns around, my smaller frame soaring an inch off the ground, and flashes Levi a parting wave. “Be seeing you around, huh?”

Mammon doesn’t wait for Levi to answer, instead dragging us both down the street until he’s sure that we’re no longer in his line of sight. Mammon being the stronger out of both of us -- and, more importantly, a demon -- tucks me under his arm and strides as we escape Levi’s scrutiny. I only catch the barest glimpse of Levi’s features as Mammon all but spirits me away, his expression somehow indiscernible, and we lock eyes for a moment.

An odd pang of guilt strikes me, despite the lack of a reason for it.

* * *

Hours later, after dinner, my thoughts are still preoccupied with the image of Levi’s expression in the street. I absentmindedly lather the shampoo into my dark locks as I stand under the shower, allowing my thoughts to wander. His eyes -- his eyes had darkened almost imperceptibly as Mammon carried me away, his bangs shadowing his visage as he watched. Or had it just been a trick of the light? He hadn’t been smiling, that was for sure, but that wasn’t anything to be worried about. After so many months at RAD, I have never known Levi to be the particularly cheery type. The side of his mouth had twitched as he frowned, his mood somehow lessening even more than usual. Maybe he had seen through the lie? Or perhaps Mammon had annoyed him again somehow, seeing how that seems to be a constant pattern between the two. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that --

No, you do know better, I chide myself, rinsing the rest of the shampoo from my hair. The dark locks begin to revitalize themselves under the water, popping up in loose ringlets. This isn’t the same Levi that tried to attack me back then.

The knob of the shower turns easily, the water stopping a few moments after, and I climb out of the bathtub dripping wet. That state is remedied easily: I towel myself off and plop my curls with hair product Asmodeus had generously lent to me, working the cream into from root to end. Given that I had been essentially kidnapped and spirited away into the Devildom, it would do no good to return to Mama and my family with both a lack of clothes and dry, splitting hair. And so I take my time with the process before dressing for the night.

I pull on a pair of thick wool socks along with a roomy pair of pajamas, each piece borrowed from one of the brothers at the beginning of my stay. An oversized sweatshirt and rolled-up pajama pants. It is cold in the House of Lamentation -- a characteristic likely attributed to the demons’ hardier nature -- and I have little reason to ask Lucifer to adjust the entire temperature of the hall to one human’s preferences. I’ve already checked my room over and over again for a heater or source of heat. Despite all of Lord Diavolo’s preparations beforehand, the topic of making the temperature of the hall or my room more bearable had slipped his mind, subjecting me to hours of shivering during the long nights.

Again, there is that pang of homesickness. According to Asmodeus, the Devildom has no true seasons. Nothing that a human like me would consider seasons, in that case. There’s cold weather, colder weather, and then there is a teeth-chattering frigidity that leaves me shivering and miserable on the best of nights.

Worse, if the Devildom has something even resembling an ocean or seashore, we are nowhere near close to one.

My D.D.D. buzzes, catching my attention. After drying and plopping my curls more in the towel, I pick it up and check the messages.

Got the goods? Mammon asks.

I take a quick glance at the Lord of Shadow figurine on my nightstand, still protected in both its case and plastic bag. Yes.

Betcha that he’s already got that one, Mammon texts me. Should’ve gotten that wallet, if you ask me.

I sigh. You wanna go and check? Your room is right next to his.

Nah, he’d just think that I was in there to steal something, he texts back after a moment. Isn’t he supposed to be at some weird costume thing tonight?

But you would be, I point out.

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

I stare at my phone for a few minutes, deciding if I should respond, then ultimately end up tossing it onto my bed. He is right, as much as it vexes me to admit it. The chances of just giving Levi a duplicate of something he already has -- especially something concerning his favorite Lord of Shadow character -- are too high to be negligible. And it -- it wouldn’t be too weird to waltz into his room to check, would it? No, it probably would be.

Then again, back in the human world, I never thought I would spirited away into the realm of devils and demons. Surely there could be some leeway in the terms of socially acceptable actions.

* * *

The corridor in front of Levi’s room is empty, as expected. The moonlight -- rather, the light from what appears to be something resembling a moon -- shines through great, uncovered windows in the hallway, lighting my path. I tread lightly on sock-laden feet. After another quick check into the hallway and testing the doorknob, I slip into Levi’s room.

I’ve been in his room enough to know to navigate the worst parts of his room -- namely, the giant bathtub and aquarium -- and so I walk straight to where I should be looking: the encased, protected shelf on his wall. Unlike the hall, however, Levi has left his curtains mostly closed. I nearly trip and bump into random bags and other piles of clutter in his room as I make my way towards my destination, narrowly avoiding each obstruction each time.

I scrutinize the case when I reach it, making sure not to touch the surface of the glass. A demon as obsessive as Levi would notice. Unfortunately, with the lack of light in the room, it is incredibly difficult to discern the differences between the figurines, much less recognize which figurine is which. I find myself simply staring at the case for a moment, eyes flitting between each figurine. There are plenty of figurines of the Lord of Shadow, as evidenced by the signature silhouette, and I strain my eyes to search for the particular form of the limited edition figure.

Minutes pass. I feel a slight headache emerging from the eye strain, but my efforts have paid off: to my knowledge, no such figurine exists in his collection. At least, there is no such figurine in his display case. Better yet, it’ll be something to prove the greedy, arrogant loudmouth wrong. I begin to carefully make my way past the piles of clutter again, nudging various objects aside when need be. I bump into the massive bathtub in the center of the room, its form completely obscured by the shadow, and --

And there is a noise in the corridor.

Levi.

I make my way to the door as quickly and quietly as I can, panic beginning to rise. While I could possibly lie my way out of explaining why I was in his room -- I had gone into the wrong room, maybe -- I doubt that it would be enough to convince him. For someone that spends most of their time cooped up their room, he is awfully perceptive. And I am an awfully bad liar.

I quietly slip into the hallway once more, muffling the sound of the closing door as much as I can. The corridor is dark, as it had been when I left it, but I know better than to let my guard down. If Levi were to enter from the door in the front lobby, it would be better to simply make my way down the stairs in the opposite direction. I pad quietly on the thicker parts of the rug on the floor, heading towards the end of the hall. The sound of footsteps begins to near me. I quicken my pace, turning the corner.

I smack into something solid, sending me careening into the floor. Thankfully, I break the fall with my face. My cheekbone smarts as I groan in pain, the throbbing sensation spreading across my visage, and I begin to lift myself up and off the wooden floor. A shadow looms over me for a moment, hindering my vision in the limited light. I turn my face upwards.

“Levi,” I acknowledge.

Levi looks down at me, his features marginally obscured by the headpiece of his cosplay. “Maria.”

We stare at each other, unsure of how to react. He clears his throat after a moment, his initial confusion dissipating somewhat, and offers me a hand. “Um, do you -- you need help getting up,” he says, changing the question into a statement mid-sentence. “You can take my hand -- if you want, that is. Don’t feel --”

I grab his hand and quickly pull myself to my feet, prompting Levi to awkwardly sputter the rest of his sentence. I move a little too quickly, however: the throbbing bruise on my cheek combined with the sudden vertigo is wholly disorienting, and I end up stumbling forward into his chest again. Thankfully, he manages to catch me this time. When I push myself away from him, putting a hand to my face, I notice that an odd flush has spread across his cheeks. Or maybe it is only light from the windows that is casting odd shadows over his visage.

“Sorry about that,” I apologize quickly. “I was on the way back from getting a midnight snack.”

Idiot, I think to myself. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. The kitchen is downstairs by your room.

Levi’s gaze flickers just past me, towards where I know the older of the brothers’ rooms are. I fidget. Then he is taking in my appearance -- wet hair, baggy clothing, and all -- and I find myself withering under his gaze, the discomfort growing to an almost unbearable level. All traces of the dorky, awkward Levi seem to have suddenly dissipated, the air between us suddenly palpable with tension. Tension for reasons that I can’t quite discern. Given the unforeseen shift in the demon’s mood, no matter his usual countenance, I decide that it is better not to ask.

Again, there is that strange expression. His golden eyes seem to flash with an almost imperceptible emotion for a moment, his bangs overshadowing the bridge of his nose.

His gaze meets mine for a moment. The intensity in them is harsh, nearly overwhelming, and I tear my eyes away on instinct. Something is wrong. His presence feels predatory somehow. Carnivorous. As if he were a serpent and I were a mere mouse caught in its jaws. As if I were a rabbit and he were the hunter. As if he were truly and very much a demon and I were a weak, insignificant human, ripe for the taking. He mumbles something inaudible under his breath.

For the first time, I feel fear.

I see Levi reaching for me just out of the corner of my vision, the shadows strange on his form. The air is cold, colder than it's ever been, as if the sheer will of his displeasure has changed the property of the air around it. I almost perceive the shadows forming on the wall behind him. My mind begins to throw flashbacks of the first time I had ever seen his true form: dark, coral-like horns, a serpentine tail, strange marks on what skin I could see. His hand comes within an inch of me, bearing what almost look like claws through the gloves.

I run.

part 2

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me!#obey me leviathan #obey me fanfic #for the sake of having a main character with a background #main character is a girl raised by a catholic family in rural spain #based on various female saints #bc i felt that was fitting #writing #original character i guess #tw: yandere #yandere

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 3 years

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10. X Confirmed

Death had never been especially hard for Xander to accept. His mother died in front of him when he was young. He found it scary at first, but then curious. He didn’t know what an overdose was at the time. He’d been told at school that in case of an emergency, call 911, but his mom looked mostly the same way that she usually did. Sometimes, when she put the white stuff in her nose, she did weird things.

When she began to shake and flop around, to choke and gargle, he called out to her a few times, but then… she went to sleep. Which, in hindsight… usually happened whenever she carried her bottled drink. But, as far as her laying on the floor, eyes fluttering for a while, even the vomit wasn’t that strange for her… Usually she turned the other way… but if she was asleep, that wasn’t an emergency. Besides, he wasn’t supposed to call those people anyway. School rules and house rules were different and house rules mattered to his mom more. He was supposed to go to the neighbor’s and ask them to call his dad.

This was no emergency!

He went to school the next day and she was still there. He set breakfast next to her. Some toast and milk. He came home and she was still there. So was breakfast. Was this an emergency? He picked up her nose stuff and tried to give her some. She would probably jump right up. No. She didn’t. Maybe this might be an emergency. He headed to the neighbor’s, still had Mom’s nose stuff with him. The neighbor looked scared when she saw it. She tried to take it, but Xander insisted it was for his mom, but she was asleep on the floor and had been since yesterday.

So, she called his father and walked over to go check. When she did, she called 911. Xander’s father had not been around for a while. He would get mad and swing his fists at people… at Xander’s mom… at Xander. So, he didn’t live with them. That day, Xander found out that his mom wasn’t going to wake up from her sleep. “She was a cokehead. It happens,” his dad told him. Xander didn’t know what that meant, but what he figured out from swinging his fists at things when he got angry was that they went to sleep sometimes. Little animals. That meant that nose stuff wasn’t the only way. It also meant that when his dad got mad… it could happen to him.

By the time he left home and ran into his steward, he had fists swung at him more times than he could even count up to. If he was gonna go to sleep forever, he didn’t want it to be because of his dad. This was an emergency.

He never faced death again that up close and personal until his own life was on the line and Grace tried to get him out safely. He was terrified in the field by himself. Where could he go? He had no sense of direction. His dad probably wasn’t looking for him. His mom was asleep forever, and Grace was probably gonna get caught and killed too. He just sat in the field and cried. Insects kept crawling on him. He ignored a lot of them. Maybe he could just stay here forever and nothing would happen. Maybe… he could just lay down and go to sleep and not wake up again. Maybe there were no emergencies. Maybe death was a way to be free from emergencies..

Whenever Grace called him, he was still afraid, but happy to hear her voice. Was she coming to leave with him? To stay with him?

She was covered in blood. He had never seen so much. Not from fights, not from animals, and definitely not on people… Whenever they took the heads, he wondered, “Should we do something with those bodies? In the movies, they would hide them.”

“No. No. No… Wait… Yes…” She thought, “No. I read a crime story not too long ago. If they take fingerprints, you have to be a criminal for them to match them. We never did crimes before.”

However, whenever they did start to do crimes, Xander wondered, “Remember that field? Do you know where that was?”

“Near the abandoned train, right?”

“They’ve moved the train, now, but… maybe the field is still there.”

It was still there, but it looked different. It seemed greener than Xander remembered. It would still do. He grabbed a shovel and opened the trunk, sighing whenever Grace began to speak in her soft, but urgent voice. “We have to get a better system. You can’t just hit somebody in the head with a shovel and toss them in your trunk.”

“He was a steward. I confirmed it myself.”

“Well, as confident as I am in an X confirmed steward… We need to be careful.” The man started moving and she gasped and took the shovel to smash it into him to make him stop moving. She blew air from her lips and thought for a moment. “If you ever do this again, I need them researched, receipts created, and confirmation solid. Don’t just fly off the handle.”

“He kidnapped Jalicia with the intent to sell her. She was 3.”

“I know, I know… BUT, what I’m saying is… somebody is gonna be looking for this guy and nobody knows he did that, probably.”

“Who would look for this guy? He’s a loser.”

“A zero.” “Less than zero.”

She gasped, “He’s a null!” She laughed and grabbed the other shovel. “Dude, we also will need to be wearing something else. I love this Blood Orange shirt, and it’s ruined now. I’ll have to burn it or something.”

“Should… should we call Jalicia?” He wondered.

“And stress her out? No.”

“If I was her, I’d wanna know.”

She thought for a moment and looked around. Where this place was, she didn’t expect much traffic, so they probably were safe to move forward and still let their friend know about this. “Check with Heath. He’ll know whether or not that’s best.”

Heath and Jalicia met them out there and Jalicia looked at the man, “Yo… what the fuck, Xan? I’ve never seen this man before in my life, Bro. Did you kill him? Can we just drop him at the ER and dash?”

Xander shook his head at her and raised up the man’s sleeve to show a tattoo of a scorpion and a scar. “This is where you bit him.” They recognized the tattoo, and that did look like a bite mark. “I asked him what happened there and he said a kid bit him a long time ago. No… He said, “my kid bit me” a long time ago…” Xander was fuming again.

“I’m sold,” Heath said, his own jaw clenching as he grew protective over his girlfriend. “Who… owns this land? Because if they’re gonna farm it or something, they’ll find him.”

“But, if we buy it and it gets found some other way, then it points to us,” Grace said. “I’ll find out tomorrow. For now, we gotta bury this null.”

“The what?” Heath wondered.

“Null. Less than zero. I read it in a book once...”

She was always reading. She could read in multiple languages, and multiple avenues. She could read body language, social cues, people… why the fuck couldn’t she see how not okay Simon was?

As he recorded the dude’s address, he thought about the stern talking-to that Grace had given him about that first X on the way to the Field of Nulls. If they were going to be hunting predators and burying them, they needed to look into them, verify that they were either at the warehouse or into the crime scene within that time frame, and get as much information and dirt on them for it to be undeniable. Grace would look at the information to determine and if she wasn’t sure they were guilty, if there was a single chance that an X was not confirmable; she made a circle around them and held onto their information. There was likely a reason that they came up in shady business.

Sometimes, the proof came around. A few times, she just couldn’t stomach a mistake. They had been taken away from homes and families for years. She didn’t want to do that to someone else if she couldn’t say for sure they were responsible. He knew that he certainly couldn’t get an X put on Simon without proof, if even then.

Grace had gotten REAL cozy with her new little lap dog, and Xander did not like that. He didn’t like her bringing him into the fold, even if he was still in the dark. It was sloppy! They hadn’t vetted this guy! In fact, they didn’t let people in! Simon was the first outsider to have crossed over… since Hazel! Xander looked at Sunny, asleep in his bed, curled up with a pink narwhal stuffie, with an eye mask over her face and a bonnet on her head as he scribbled a note and slipped out of his apartment.

There was no doubt in his mind - the man was dangerous. He’d most likely escalate if openly challenged. Xander would just put him in the field… but he doesn’t lie to or keep secrets from Grace; and putting Simon in the field would make her very upset. Xander wasn’t quite prepared to risk that type of upset from her with nothing backing his suspicions. But, you couldn’t convince him that Simon wasn’t a serial killer!!!

Or… someone unsafe for them all, but mostly for Grace.

Whether it was the fact that it takes one to know one, just Simon being so strange in comparison to other people Xander had observed, or him just feeling threatened that Grace had a new person around… That she got close to him when Xander wasn’t there. That if he hadn’t slipped up again, this might not even still be a problem. That she was in danger and it might be HIS fault!

Initially, Xander told her to give Simon a chance, but he felt the dude proved that he couldn’t be trusted with boundaries and space… yet… there he was… in her life even deeper. Xander needed to confirm for himself and for Grace that Simon was simply a harmless creep and not a dangerous one.

Potential X: First - Observe the potential X in its natural habitat. How it walks and talks. Does it have friends and family at home or live alone? How often is it there and what does it do in it's free time?

“Potential X appears to live alone, has one pet as indicated on social media bios, and from a quick overview through the window - minimal security in place beyond a locked door. Background check came up clean, so if it is a danger, it is a crafty danger, because it hasn’t been caught or suspected of anything yet. It leaves early in the morning and goes… to the bookshop. Right. Everyday.”

Xander went across the street and ordered, then opened his laptop and watched the bookstore. He saw whenever Grace came in to work, Simon had rushed to open the door for her and… she… Kissed him??? On the cheek, but… she doesn’t DO that. This might be harder than Xander thought.

“Grace is very attached to X. Does she love him? It.” The X. Xander didn’t like to humanize the potential X. Grace would do that later, and highly likely go above and beyond for this one.

Xander ordered some lunch for Grace and went across the street with her known order. She came from clocking out and almost ran into him. “Whoa! Xan!” She cheered and tackled him into a hug. “Did you spring up to see me???”

“Yeah, I got your stupid lunch from the deli.”

She was eyeing him suspiciously. He knew why. He’d left this morning and Sunny most likely hit her up as soon as she found his note. He had technically been ‘missing’ that entire time, because none of his babysitters had eyes on him. But, she was soon comforted by the fact that she knew him well enough to know when something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t, but she knew it wasn’t drugs. “That’s super awesome, but I was actually gonna head out of work early and go to Le Bistro Parfait!”

“Le what?”

“Simon’s mom’s place. I told you about it.”

“Right. Where is he?”

“Waiting,” she said with a huge smile.

“Like a good little lap dog.”

Grace booped his nose, “Don’t be jealous. You’ve got BOTH of your exes wrapped around your little finger.”

“Debatable. Also irrelevant.” He paused and looked at her solemnly. “ They’re Apex.”

“He’s good to me, Xander. He understands that I have all this stuff going on and he still likes to be around.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Because, I’m charming and beautiful,” she said through her teeth.

“Right, but you’re also aloof, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, noncommittal, highly, HIGHLY traumatized, problematic, pretentious…”

“OH MY GOD, XANDER!” She said. Those things were true and were often reasons that she didn’t have successful real dates and never had a boyfriend, but with him just saying them like that… Shit was a little hurtful. Especially considering that Simon never said anything bad about her, ever. Fortunately, he showed up right when she was ready to fucking lose it on Xander.

“Xander,” Simon said and held his hand out to shake, an unreadable expression and wide fake smile on his face.

“Dude, you do this every time. I’m not shaking your hand, for all I know, you just rubbed one out so that you don’t get a hard on for Grace in front of your mom.” Xander said it very casually, but they all knew that he was 100% serious and he even looked disgusted for emphasis.

“Oh,” Simon said, pulling his hand back. “I absolutely didn’t do that, but I won’t offer you my hand again, Xander.” His eyes glinted as he lowered his forehead just a little bit…

The X is trying to intimidate me! Xander stepped forward and Grace stepped in front of him to give him a silent look to back down and took the lunch, “I will put this in the break room and have it for tomorrow. You wanna come to Le Bistro?” Her voice didn’t indicate anything, but Xander knew that face and he was on thin ice if he didn’t keep his wits about him with Simon. Simon obviously was much better at being fake than he was. Grace didn’t even acknowledge the way he’d just challenged him.

“Yep.” He stared Simon down as she vanished to the break room, still giving him her warning look. Xander rolled his eyes and asked, “How long has your mom had her place?”

“Oh… Since I was 10 or so. I definitely lost the spelling bee in 5th grade and she was there by then, because I’d practice over and over in a booth.”

“You did spelling bees?” Xander asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I was a spelling bee champion,” Simon bragged.

“When you were 10.”

“No… I lost that year, but it made me work harder for the next time. So… 11.”

Xander nodded, “When I was 11, I was sucking strange dick so somebody else could get paid, and smoking pot so I wouldn’t worry so much about sucking strange dick.”

“Oh… I’m… sorry… I’m presuming that no one would ever joke about something like that… So… Just… sorry.”

“Hey, it taught me a life skill that I’d need for money later sometimes,” Xander shrugged his shoulders and winked at him.

“How uh… How did you and Grace meet?” Simon asked, uncomfortably changing the subject.

“She hasn’t told you?” Simon shook his head. Grace has not opened up to the X about our troubled past. This is a sign that she is not as far into his deceit as I feared. “Then, I guess she has her reasons.”

“Okay. Well, we’ve covered ‘strange dick’ now… what’s the next conversation topic in Xander’s world?” Grace reappeared and Simon exhaled, “Oh thank God.” She laughed and locked arms with both of them. They gave each other fake casual looks, two sets of eyes studied every single detail in the other’s face and both noticed that fact, and that fact only. But, while Simon smirked and faced forward, Xander frowned, and she marched ahead, guiding them both.

She and Xander both rode with Simon. Xander was studying the backseat and the lock. If he had to sneak in here to grab Simon, he wanted to see if he could estimate success. “Your music sounds mad stalkerish,” Xander said. Simon tensed up and of course he noticed.

Grace threw Xander a look in the backseat, “Be nice, please.”

“I’m always nice,” Xander said and leaned forward to smell the seat. “Did you recently clean out your car?”

“I have a person who does that,” Simon said. Xander glared and Simon shook his head, “I didn’t mean to sound like that. I mean… It’s a regular service that I get done…”

“What is this scent?”

“I smell mandarin,” Grace said, with a smile.

“Huh. You love that smell. That’s a nice coincidence,” Xander said, staring at Simon in the rearview mirror. Simon wore that same smirk from earlier… he knew what Xander was doing. They got to the bistro, Xander got onto his phone and told Grace, “A thing came up. I guess I have to leave you with him.”

“Well… Do you need us to bring you back to your car?” She wondered.

“No. Enjoy your lunch date.” Grace gave him a hug and he noticed Simon shift a little, almost like he was coming forward. It was impulsive. He held the hug longer than necessary simply to gauge if it would have an effect.

“Please call somebody if you need anything,” Grace whispered, pulled back and cupped his face, then walked through the door that Simon held open for her.

For the last time that day, Simon and Xander stared at each other. “Good luck, Xander,” Simon said. What makes the X think that I need good luck? He went inside and stared at Xander through the window on his way to the booth with Grace.

Potential X: Survey the X’s personal spaces. Car, exceptionally clean, seemingly with all functional capacities of the vehicle’s expectations. Home…

Alexandria picked the lock, with furrowed eyebrows and checked the time on her phone. When he went inside, wearing gloves, of course, he noticed things, some immediately. “X is a massive nerd… with disposable income. Some of these figures definitely look expensive…” he recorded several of them. Simon had an entire wall of shelving dedicated to very detailed and realistic figures from various fandoms, grouped together by fandom. They were all handcrafted, but Xander couldn’t be sure if they had been purchased that way or if Simon had made them himself. The living room was spotless. Maybe it has a person for that, too.

Across from the figures wall was a workspace with a computer and… Xander looked at the desktop… Everything seemed set like it was getting ready for some photo shoot or something. “The X is meticulous in organizing it’s personal space. Everything is extremely clean and orderly, even this desk that’s totally decked out for gaming… but, he’s put away everything in a specified spot and left nothing even remotely off.” He turned and looked at the book shelf. The top row were his own works, with framed photos of himself and who Xander presumed were his mother… mothers? Maybe she was a lesbian, and a red headed sister. There were two photos of him and the sister (an old one and a current one, one of the whole group, one with him and his mom, and one of just the blond mom… so… that probably was merely a friend or cousin or something. He didn’t have a photo of just the two moms. But, the rows beneath his own books and those photos were all alphabetized.

Xander explored further. The kitchen was just as clean, just as orderly. It was a pretty big kitchen for one man who likely didn’t have many friends, and it sort of reminded him of a movie set of a spaceship. The appliances were mostly chrome or white, with lights and stuff. The refrigerator was definitely new and fancy. He peeked inside and it was fairly empty (or possibly it appeared that way because it was so big). There was an absurd amount of different milk in there, oranges, gouda… raspberry jam, cotton candy grapes… He slammed the fridge. “Grace has been either stashing groceries here or he’s been accommodating her when he shops. I refuse to believe that the few things that she has to have in her own fridge at all times just happen to be the things that he also keeps in his! The fuck is the bread?” He went to the pantry and groaned at how it was both a walk in, and also as neat as everything else. He found the bread and there it was… Marbled rye from her favorite bakery… Xander clenched his fists and left the pantry, slamming it shut.

Why are you so angry? You KNOW that she’s seeing him. She’s been seeing him now for damn near half of a year... He entered a room that confused him. There were all these… costumes… Some of them were on stands, several things on a few racks… He walked a little further in and saw a table with a sewing machine and a side table with various tools and a figurine on it. This room was less neat than the others, and there was corner with a three way mirror, a shelf of wigs, and a rack of weapons… “LARPing!” Xander said, “Or something like that. These are all… costume things…” He saw a mannequin that was formed remarkably like Simon (like he probably was under his clothes). “Did he have this made in his image?” He picked up the figurine and noted it was a dragon of some sort. He didn’t know from what. He set it back down and moved on to the next room.

The bedroom wasn’t as neat either… but Xander had a feeling that wasn’t necessarily Simon’s doing. Because those were Grace’s Date Night boots at the foot of the bed and the book on the nightstand was one that she had been reading recently. He rushed to see if she had already taken a drawer in his dresser. Neatly folded clothes in each drawer, with the exception of a locked one. Alexandria had to keep watch outside, so he had to see if he could break into it himself. Whenever he did, he wasn’t expecting to see that… Xander turned up his nose at what he presumed was Simon’a sex drawer… Well, the dildo was a dead giveaway, and the strap… there were women’s underwear and lube, and other… things. He shut it and tried to rig the lock back into place, grumbling, “Grace better not have been in this drawer with him!”

For years, Xander had been telling Grace to just rip off the bandaid and bone somebody. If she waited until she found the weirdest creep in Seattle to do that, he would never forgive himself. But, there was nothing there to help him. All that he had proved was that this guy was an Extreme Nerd Olympics gold medalist, into pegging, and most likely a simp… because housing her favorite groceries?

He opened another door and a white cat came running out, startling him. She rushed into living room and Xander chased her. That room was ridiculously clean. He couldn’t remember seeing any cat fur in it, and he certainly didn’t want to leave any. He caught up with her quite quickly and picked her up by the back of her neck. She struggled with him and he said to her face, “Listen, you little shit. I already don’t like cats…” He peeked into the room she’d come out of and saw it was an entire room set up like some type of cat paradise… He tossed her in and closed the door. Somehow THAT was the weirdest room that he had seen in the place.

He had run out of time. He was getting ready to leave whenever he heard somebody knocking on the door. Alexandria would have still been out there, so… it must have been her, signaling to him to leave. He rushed out of the back and made his way off of the property, waiting around the corner for her and texted her where.

“Hello?” Simon said.

She turned around and looked confused at him. “Hi… are you… here for Luca too?” He stared at her for a bit, looked her up and down, sizing her up, figuring something. “Sir? Is this where you’re going?” she pointed at the door.

“This is where I live. Who did you say you were?”

“I’m here for Luca Magnus.”

“Ah. Magnus. They’re next door,” He pointed in the direction and she laughed and gestured with her fingers shooting herself in the head. “Simple mistake for a stranger. The addresses are very similar. You don’t look like any company that I’ve ever noticed them have. I’m pretty observant.” He blinked his eyes and her and gave her a very small smile that she could tell was not friendly.

Still, hers was as she said, “I’m the new masseuse. Are they gonna send me right back where I came from when they see me?”

“If you don’t have your supplies in your car, probably.” he said, looking around for her car. His driveway was uphill and if she had parked down below and walked up, it was suspicious for her to not have a bag with oil in it, or something.

“I can’t drive up these hills and I wanted to make sure it was the right house first. Thanks for your help.” He watched her rush off and head towards the Magnus house. She didn’t get into a car or go to the house, and he hurried to unlock his door, pausing only to notice that the lock looked scratched up and he couldn’t remember it being that way before. He came inside and walked through, eyeing everything. It looked fine. Maybe she hadn’t accomplished getting inside. Maybe he caught her before she had a chance. She looked familiar, but he was more concerned about making sure that the house was clear and safe. He reached behind his bookshelf and retrieved one of his guns, readied himself as he peered through his home, room by room. Samantha rushed out of hers. Nobody was in there, not in her closet full of supplies, either. He went into the bathroom, all clear. The bedroom… he noticed that the drawer wasn’t straight. He shook it and it was loose, but still locked. He knew that he would have noticed if that drawer was off in any way. He checked his closet, only his daily wardrobe. He checked his hobby workroom, and it seemed fine too, but his dragon… it was facing the wrong way. He always set them down facing himself. It was turned around. He turned it back and let out a frustrated breath.

Somebody had been in there, but they were gone, now. He put his gun away. If it had been that woman, he must have caught her coming out. But, why was nothing missing? Why would she break in and not take anything? Why did she look familiar?

He texted Grace.

Simon: Might have to skip coming over tonight. Someone broke in my house.

Grace: WHAT? Are you okay? What did they do?

Simon: Nothing appears to be missing, but I want to be sure to change the locks, and I have a drawer to fix. I don’t want you to come over, because I’m not sure why they were here and I don’t want you in danger.

Grace: Awww, that’s adorable. No offense, but if danger were to come through, I think I’d be a little more likely to have to keep you safe, Mon Beau Petit.

Simon smiled and blushed. He didn’t know if she was being condescending or flirting, but he liked it. Whatever it was.

Simon: I would never allow it, My Doll.

Grace smiled so brightly that Simon hit her right back with an affectionate nickname that her face felt pained.

She was sad that they might not be getting together tonight. Simon had become a bit of an anchor for her. He comforted her without pressuring her, judging her, or pitying her. It was like he knew just how she worked, just how to treat her for the best results. She left work with her coffee in hand, it was chilly, but not cold yet and the florals of her rose, lavender and chamomile coffee were flooding through her sinuses and senses. She loved the tingling it sent through her, like a little cleansing at the end of a long day.

The train ride home felt lonely. She was never really alone. She often felt like she was being followed and usually, by demons. Other times, she hoped it was an angel. She smiled and opened her social media up as she sat on the vehicle, playing music and seeing what Xander got up to after he left her and Simon.

Alexandria texted her earlier that she was going to be with him today. That was reassuring, as something was going on with him. She didn’t know if that was simply how he was now, or if it was a cause for concern. But, she was not going to browbeat him and make things worse. Instead, she checked out his media, saw nothing. Checked Alexandria’s. Saw even less. She groaned. If they were sleeping together again, she might honestly lose her chill…

But, then she saw something on Simon’s page. It was a computer drawn image of someone that he probably got his friend to make for him (because, she didn’t think he was that quick with a computer, even having apparently been pretty good in school), but what she noticed was the bomb tattoo on the neck of the image.

It was a white woman with a ponytail and a hoodie pulled over her head, but she had a tattoo on her neck of one of those circle bombs from the cartoons, lit… Grace took a screenshot and sent it to Alexandria. “Explain this,” was all that she typed.

Alexandria’s bubbles showed up and stopped several times before she finally replied several minutes later with, “Please ask Xander.”

Grace opened a thread with the three of them and sent the very same message into it.

Xander replied: Can’t chat. Observing an X.

Grace: Why was Alexandria at Simon’s house earlier and…

Xander: Going dark.

Grace: Somebody better answer me.

Alexandria: I’ve got a client. If he doesn’t get in touch with you by the time I’m done, I’ll call you.

Grace texted Simon: Come over whenever you’ve finished with things. Bring a bag. Stay the night.

Simon didn’t really get to stay the night at Grace’s. The longest he had been there was that first time that she needed an alibi. Just the thought of being invited was everything to him, even with his preoccupied mind. He had to get to the storage unit and make sure that video cameras were able to record. It wasn’t that he intended to catch anything dirty (they weren’t like THAT, and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted them to be), but he did like having moments to relive over and over, where she smiled at him a certain way, or they held hands and you could just *see* the chemistry felt in the moment. He had opened the storage unit and went to set his bag down, figuring that he could simply set the recording and then dash out. He wasn’t expecting anybody to be at the storage at night, as they usually weren’t. He certainly wasn’t expecting to be met with a voice, and turn to see a face, and have it be Xander Helstrom, 747, Grace’s right hand, but…

“X marks the spot.”

11. This is Fucked Up

#AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics #People Watching

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heyyyharry · 5 years

Text

Chapter 5: Her

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry tries to win Y/N back, but there’s another problem.

Word count: 6.8k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 4: From Now On - Harry finally makes a promise he can keep.

Wattpad link

"Here she comes."

Celine pulled Y/N by the arm as the beautiful blonde strutted right past them, unbothered by all the stares shifting her way. That was Kathy Bright — the one that coexisted with every teenage girl's low self-esteem. She had everything, from a pretty face to a body straight out of a fashion magazine. Y/N hadn't paid attention to her before, because unlike most people in this school, she found no interest in other people's business. It wasn't until after she'd seen Harry kiss Kathy in the treehouse last year that she knew who the girl was. Since then, every time Kathy showed up, she couldn't look away.

"You know," Celine continued, grabbing Y/N's attention. "The boys in my history class were talking about her boobs the other day. Those little perverts."

"But she's dating Harry." Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, yet Celine seemed quite chill about it.

"That's boys for ya," she said with a shrug. "They don't care if a girl's taken. They see boobs, they drool. But don't worry, your boobs will grow. I mean...there's nothing wrong with being flat-chested...You're fine."

"Nice save." Y/N chuckled, shaking her head as she changed the subject to the regional spelling bee which she would take part in that Friday. Celine got easily distracted as usual and their conversation about Kathy soon slipped her mind. For Y/N, however, it never did.

As she came home that day, she stood in front of the mirror and studied all the features she hated on her body and her face to compare herself to the older girl. It'd never been a competition, but she felt like she'd already lost. She was not as tall, not as pretty, not as mature or popular. The only thing they probably had in common was Harry.

So what if Kathy was exactly his type?

How could Y/N ever compete with her?

"Morning, sis!"

"Morning." Y/N sighed in relief as she laid down her bag and shrugged off her jacket. She was half an hour late. Thank God, Eddie wasn't there. Normally, she wouldn't have cared if she was caught being late for the third time in a week, but since she'd asked for several days off for Celine's wedding, she couldn't upset her boss and have him change his mind at the last minute.

"Have the new books arrived yet?" She asked.

"Yeah, they're at the back," Alice answered and finally took her eyes off the phone. "Harry was looking for you yesterday. Have you spoken to him?"

"Yeah." Y/N nodded, pressing her lips into a small smile. She told Alice the same thing Harry had told her dad, that she'd been sick but she felt much better now. Alice didn't suspect a single thing, fortunately. "I was worried about you, you know. Thought you went 'Gone Girl' on us or something."

"Well, glad to know you've read the book I gave you."

"Nah." Alice shrugged. "I got frustrated halfway through the first chapter, so I watched the movie."

Y/N let out a faint laugh, shaking her head. To be honest, she'd been waiting for Alice to bring up Isaac. Though she hadn't told her about the breakup, she assumed her co-worker already knew. Yesterday, both Alice and Eddie had seen her cry at the back of the store once Isaac had left, so there was no way they were ignorant of what had happened.

"So...how did you meet him?"

This question, however, wasn't something Y/N would've expected.

"Who?" She raised both eyebrows, making Alice giggle.

"Harry, of course! You should've seen him when he came looking for you yesterday. He was so upset."

"We were neighbors back in Holmes Chapel, that's all," Y/N said, but her answer wasn't convincing enough for Alice to drop her assumptions. The younger girl crossed her arms on the counter, smiling from ear to ear. "He called you Bambi. Do 'neighbors back in Holmes Chapel' always have nicknames for each other?"

"Asshole." Y/N scoffed and hit her on the arm. "I know what you're doing, but Harry and I are just friends. Besides, Isaac and I just..."

"Right..." Alice's smile disappeared. She hurriedly got out of her seat and came to give Y/N a hug, but Y/N quickly pulled away.

"It's okay, no need to get sentimental," she said with a nervous laugh. "I'm fine, Al. Thank you."

Alice nodded and thought for a few seconds. "So is Harry dating Ruby?"

This next inquiry got Y/N tongue-tied. She knew Alice only changed the subject to distract her from thinking about Isaac, but unfortunately, she was only making it worse. If Alice had figured out how these names were connected, she would've seen the irony. However, Y/N was glad her friend didn't know enough to draw any conclusions.

"He said he wasn't seeing anyone," Y/N answered with a straight face, as if she hadn't asked herself the same thing over and over again for the entire morning. And just like her guess, Alice didn't buy it.

"What if he was lying? I mean, he's very private about his relationships, isn't he?"

"Then I don't know," Y/N answered with a shrug. The last thing she wanted was to overthink more than she had already. Half of her wanted to believe him when he said he loved her, and so she'd send him that text message, which he hadn't replied. The other half, however, was still uncertain, because giving someone who had hurt you many times before the opportunity to hurt you again didn't sound like a smart thing to do.

"I think they're secretly dating, or at least fucking," Alice continued. Y/N, on the other hand, remained silent. She didn't need to be reminded about Harry and Ruby's affair, but she couldn't ask Alice to stop mentioning them in the same sentence. All she could do was fake a smile and wait for this conversation to be over.

"I mean, have you seen that woman?" Yes, I did. In person. "She's a blonde goddess, and that face and that body are all natural. Can you believe someone was just born pretty? I cannot!"

"Lucky her." Y/N chuckled and quickly excused herself, "I'll be at the back if you need me, yeah?"

"Sure, meanwhile I'll be here doing everything Eddie's told me not to."

The girls were in hysterics when the sound of the bell on the entrance got their heads turning. It was Isaac who walked in, and Y/N thought she was only hallucinating. She'd assumed that he would never step foot in this bookstore again after everything he'd said. But apparently, he wasn't one of those men who pretended a relationship had never happened the second it was over. With a small smile and hands in his pockets, he approached the girls despite how startled they seemed.

"I was on my way to work and uhm...thought I should stop by and check on you," he said while fidgeting with his fingers. "Harry was looking everywhere for you last night. He also came to my studio."

Isaac's reason to show up here made Y/N feel a thousand times shittier. The nicer he was to her, the more she believed she was a terrible person who didn't deserve his kindness after everything she'd put him through. So, "thank you" was the only appropriate response she could come up with right now. Meanwhile, Alice couldn't bear the awkward tension anymore. She quickly excused herself and walked away, leaving Y/N and Isaac, once again, alone.

As the silence sank in, Y/N was afraid Isaac might hear her heart beating too loud. She stood with her hands clasped behind her back and tried not to let her anxiety show. But from the way the man kept touching the cuffs of his own sleeves, she knew he was just as nervous.

"Hey," he spoke at last. His voice was low and wistful. "Are you all right?"

"I am, yeah..." She brushed her hair behind her ear even though it was already tucked there. "You really didn't have to stop by just to check on me."

"Actually..." He sucked in a breath as his jaw tightened. "I'm also here to...uhm...apologize."

"Apologize?"

He gave her a nod, ignoring the startled look on her face and went on, "I think...you deserve to hear it after...everything. So...I'm very sorry."

Y/N's thoughtful eyes stared at him in confusion, but before she could even wonder, he abruptly cut her off. "I know this isn't the perfect time to tell you this. But I think if I continued to keep this from you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Isaac, what are you—"

"Harry admitted that he loved you last night. Did you know that?" Isaac's question caught Y/N off guard. She nodded her head even though an answer wasn't necessary. From that look she was giving him, he could tell that Harry had told her more than just those three words.

"We talked about you and us as well. I thought everything had gone back to normal, but after he left my studio, something came to my mind. And...and I felt like it wasn't fair to let you think you were the ones at fault, when I haven't been honest with either of you." Then he paused for a whole second to inhale deeply. "Harry was at your father's wedding."

"I know that..." Y/N murmured. "M-My dad told me this morning. Did he tell you too?"

"No...Niall did." Isaac breathed, his face twisted with guilt. "Niall told me before you and I got together. I kept it from you, because I thought it was for the best if you didn't know. I didn't want to lose you to someone who didn't love you, but I was wrong. He did love you, and he still does. Probably more than I ever could."

Y/N was at a loss for words. Shock dawned on her face as her eyes expanded to the point they might pop like balloons and she wouldn't have cared. She tried to think of something to say, yet no sound escaped from her parted lips, which were now quivering. After all the lies she'd been told by the ones she'd loved, the last person she would've expected had now done it too.

"I think he left because he saw us together in the treehouse," she finally spoke, her eyes shifted away from his as sadness clouded her features. She could've yelled at him, asked him to leave her alone, but instead, she chose silence, which was the worst of all.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, his brows snapped together. To his surprise, Y/N whispered "no" and slowly shook her head despite not looking at him. "If I were you, I would've done the same."

Isaac didn't know what that meant, yet he didn't bother to ask nor try to guess. He'd said everything he'd come to say and finally got the closure he wanted, so there was no point in bothering her anymore.

"I must go now," he said at last. "Don't wanna be late for work."

"Okay." Y/N nodded, a corner of her mouth quirked up as she turned back to him. "Thank you for coming and...for telling me the truth."

There had been a moment of hesitation before they went in for a hug. It was awkward at first, but after two seconds they grew more relaxed and held onto each other even tighter. When they pulled away, Isaac looked deep into her eyes as if it was his last chance to do it. Not everything has to change, he told himself while smiling at her.

"I'll see you around, Smiley."

The only reason Y/N had signed up for the spelling bee was that she needed money for Celine's birthday gift. Her best friend had been drooling over a dress in that fancy store on their way to school, so she must make sure Celine got it when she turned fourteen next month. She could blame it on luck to avoid saying that none of the kids in her school could spell for dear life, so it was no surprise that she ended up taking part in the town-wide spelling bee, which was held in Springfield High School, all the way across town. She had to take a long bus ride to get there and would definitely get home late, something her parents would never approve.

"I have to be in the hospital with your grandma, and your dad is out of town. How are we gonna pick you up?"

Y/N blew up her cheeks as she leaned against the kitchen door to watch her mother chop the vegetables. From the clear irritation in Tam's voice when she mentioned Bradford, Y/N knew they had been fighting again. He would probably spend the next few days at her uncle's house and most likely come back once the smoke was clear. Avoiding confrontation was the only thing all three members in this household had in common, apparently.

"I can go by myself, you know. I'm fourteen," she insisted, causing Tam to drop the knife and point a finger at her.

"A fourteen-year-old should not take the bus alone at night."

"But, mum—"

"Enough of this. Gemma is driving you there and picking you up."

"No!" Y/N groaned loudly. She loved Gemma, but the last thing she wanted was for any of the Styles to find out she was taking part in a stupid spelling bee. Gemma would tell Harry, and if Harry found out, she would forever remain a child to him. The older kids like him thought these competitions were only meant for children, and she couldn't have him believe he was right for misjudging her.

"Can you ask someone else? Like...aunt Lynn maybe?"

"Your aunt is on vacation, sweetheart." Tam sighed as she crossed her arms. "But well, there's still Harry—"

"Fine, I'll go with Gemma." Y/N huffed and watched her mother's lips curve into a subtle grin.

For the rest of that morning, she kept telling herself that a grownup like Gemma wouldn't spill secrets if she was asked not too. So maybe if Y/N explained why she didn't want Harry to know about the spelling bee, Gemma would understand and not say a word to him. Sadly, it wasn't Gemma who showed up at her house that afternoon.

It was him.

He was waiting by his new car which, according to his sister, was a birthday present for when he turned eighteenth. There might've been a party that Y/N hadn't been invited to, because everything she knew about him now she'd heard from other people, either it was his mum, his sister or even Celine, whose brother was a friend of his. They were practically strangers to each other now. So the thought of sitting in the car with him for three hours straight had her palms sweating heavily.

"Hey, Bambi. Ready to go?"

It'd been a year since he last called her by that nickname and the bittersweet feeling it brought was definitely unpleasant.

"Uhm...where's Gem?"

"You don't want me to drive you?"

"No! I mean, yes...wait, I mean—" She was already flustered so the way he smiled only heightened the color in her cheeks. Shaking his head, Harry's gorgeous green eyes fixated on her. He said, laughing a little, "Gem had to help my mum with something so she asked me to take you there. Do you know the directions?"

She nodded fast, gripping the hem of her shirt. She wished the dimples on his cheeks would go away so she could focus on something else, breathing, for example.

"Alright." Harry shrugged and finally opened the door for her to get in. "But I'll need your help. I suck at remembering all the routes in this town."

When he said that, she realized Holmes Chapel didn't mean as much to him as it did to her. He treated it as temporary, and would probably leave as soon as he'd got a chance, just like how he'd abandoned their treehouse and their friendship. The thought of it only made her unhappy.

With hesitation, she got into the passenger seat, feeling his eyes on her but she didn't want to look at him. So she kept staring ahead when he got in and closed the door on his side.

"Don't be nervous, I've got a license."

His unexpected joke made her giggle even though she was trying to keep a straight face."If I'd known it was you, I would've brought a helmet."

Harry smirked at her response. He asked, to her dismay, "still the same sarcastic little girl, aren't you?"

Yes, that's me. The same little girl, she thought to herself while hoping he wouldn't talk to her for the rest of the drive.

⌲ Bambi: First things first, we need to talk. Dinner tonight?

When Harry received her message, he was over the moon. If he hadn't been at the table read, he would probably have jumped and shouted and punched the air like a madman. But he was sure anyone could tell how overexcited he was since it was written all over his face.

⌲ Your place or mine?

⌲ Bambi: Mine. 7PM. Don't be late.

⌲ I won't :)

⌲ Thank you.

"Oh my God!" The high-pitched voice pulled Harry right out of his head and also caught all the attention in the room. It was a new actress who had just introduced herself five minutes ago, but he'd already forgotten her name.

"How long do we have to wait for her?" The girl crossed her arms in annoyance, eyes rolling upward. Judging from that attitude, Harry knew she was one of those newbies that believed she was better than all the big names in this room. They were the ones who could never go far.

"Ruby's assistant already called us last night. She had some personal issues," one of the producers explained, but the same actress jumped back in with the same unpleasant tone. "Personal? Really? Maybe one of her nails broke."

Some people on the other side of the table laughed along at the mean comment. It made Harry furious. He knew it wasn't his place to speak, and if Ruby had been there, she wouldn't have wanted him to interfere. However, he could never tolerate bullying.

"Sara, is it?" He squinted his eyes to read the card laid in front of the girl. "Is this your first big movie? If not then I apologize, but Ruby has been an actress for roughly ten years now. So why don't you show your co-worker some respect and enjoy your first day at school experience?"

Sara's mouth fell open only to snap shut in a heartbeat. She could hear some people snickering at Harry's comment, and so she looked down at her script to hide how red her face had become. As soon as silence returned, Ruby showed up, barging into the room with a radiant smile, as if she wasn't late and the others were just early. All eyes followed the blonde to her assigned seat next to Harry where she flopped down before shrugging off her coat.

"Sorry, guys," she said. The positive energy she carried soon got everyone distracted from her unpunctuality, and the flutter of turning pages broke the grim silence at once.

For the next five minutes, Harry tried his best to stay focused, yet the familiar odor that brought nothing but unhappy memories sent his body into lockdown. Even when she'd tried to cover it with her expensive perfume which he used to love, the smell of cigarettes was way too strong for him to ignore. Now he finally saw why his Bambi had got so upset when she found out he used to smoke. People who'd been mentally hurt had a tendency to destroy themselves physically.

"Rubes, hey," he spoke under his breath, nudging her hand with his pen and asking, "are you alright?" The answer he received, however, was nothing but disappointment. She closed her ears completely to him, eyes glued to the page, and he didn't want to keep bugging her.

A part of him knew he should just leave her alone now that they were over, and hardly even friends. Unfortunately, the rest of him couldn't ignore her behaviors. He knew what she had done to herself, and would likely do again if she thought there was nobody left on her side. And so he kept glancing at the clock, waiting for their lunch break so he could speak to her alone. But as soon as he'd got a chance, one of the new members asked him for a photo, and he turned back just in time to see her skinny body slip through the exit door.

Ruby had never fitted in any crowd, she was just good at pretending that she did. After all, she was the one who taught him to stay away from the four corners of a crowded room, and always find at least one person to talk to. In her words, "when you're surrounded by wolves, the last thing you want to do is act like a sheep." But today, Harry found her sitting alone in the exit staircase, with her phone in her hand and a cigarette between her burgundy lips. She didn't want to be around her new colleagues for the sake of her own reputation, so she obviously didn't want to be around him. But what she wanted didn't matter right now.

Harry cursed under his breath and snatched the cigarette from her two fingers. She glanced up at him, her forehead creased as her light brown eyes narrowed. She had such a sweet, youthful face that nobody could be able to tell that she was thirty, and with that pout, she looked like a rebellious teen getting caught for smoking behind the gym.

"This isn't good for you." He raised the cigarette in disgust and grabbed her phone without warning. He didn't need to check to see that she was reading those toxic comments again. Self-destruction had become her favorite hobby. "This isn't good for you either, Rubes. You need to stop poisoning yourself."

The anger from her eyes showed the scared little girl within. After all, she was just a poor helpless lamb pretending to be the big bad wolf, because she'd rather be feared than to show that she was afraid. Silently, she rose from the stair, ducked away from Harry and went back to the room as fast as she had left.

Though Harry didn't keep his silence for three hours straight, he didn't say much to Y/N either. His poor attempt to start a conversation only included topics like school, their families, and the spelling bee.

"I know you're gonna win," he said, but she found him being supportive rather annoying. He didn't sound sincere and probably was being nice because he thought he must. She hated this, the person he'd become. This was supposed to be the boy who'd sworn to be her partner in crime, the boy who'd stayed over whenever her parents were out of town, just so she could feel safe at night. But no, he wasn't that boy anymore, he was just her neighbor who kindly gave her a ride because his sister had asked him to.

So the minute they arrived, she got out of the car without saying a word to him. She believed he knew something was wrong, as he rolled down the window and called after her.

"Bambi!" She turned around, trying not to let her annoyance show when he flashed her a smile and asked, "want me to come in with you?"

Y/N almost said yes. She would do anything to spend more time with him, but she was sure this wasn't what he wanted, so she shook her head no.

"I'm good," she reassured him, faking a smile.

"Alright. Do your best in there," he said. "I'll be here when you come out."

That, however, was a lie.

Y/N didn't win the contest, but she still got a consolation prize so she wasn't so bitter about it. What made her sad was how Harry had failed to keep one easy promise to her. He wasn't there when she came out.

She had waited in that parking lot for an hour and she didn't have his number on her phone. She assumed he'd be back in no time, so she kept on waiting, until her feet began to hurt and she had no choice but to call her mother.

Any other parent would freak out in this case, but Tam was different. When she arrived, she didn't ask about the competition nor Harry, and just pulled her daughter in for a kiss on the forehead. She told Y/N how proud she was and switched the subject to dinner and her grandma's health condition. Y/N was interested in neither of them, but at least she didn't have to think about Harry for the rest of the way home. She didn't even want to wonder where he was now and why he'd left her like that.

She wished she'd never found out, at least not from Celine's brother's tweet.

There was a concert near Springfield and Harry was there with his friends, and of course, his girlfriend Kathy. They were kissing in that group photo Celine's brother had posted at around the same time Y/N was waiting for him in that parking lot.

She couldn't decide which was worse, seeing that tweet or knowing that, he'd only agreed to drive her there so he could attend a concert with the girl he liked. For one second she had doubted her bad feelings, because she had wanted to believe that she was only overthinking, that he was still the same boy who genuinely cared about her. She guessed she'd been wrong once again.

Y/N put her phone down when she heard a knock and told the person to come in. Her mother showed up, with a sympathetic smile, she said, "Harry's downstairs. Do you want to talk to him?"

"No," Y/N answered while holding the purple rabbit close to her chest. "Tell him to leave. I don't want to see him."

"He's very sorry, baby. He had to stop by the supermarket to get something for his mum and he forgot."

Y/N knew her mother would never lie to her, so Harry must have made up that excuse so he wouldn't hurt her feelings. What was the point anyway? She already knew the truth, and now she knew he was also a liar, which made it much worse. But she was angrier at herself than she was at him. It wasn't his fault that she wasn't the first choice, maybe not even a choice.

"It's okay, mum. Tell him I'm asleep," she said before lying down and her mother's footsteps soon faded away once the door had shut. That night, Y/N cried herself to sleep for the boy next door...again.

Harry hurriedly squatted by the steps and rang the doorbell, heart thumping in his chest. With every second passing by, he grew more impatient and kept checking his watch, as if time would slow down every time he did. But it was already 7 PM. He wasn't supposed to be here, at Ruby's house.

On his way to the car earlier, Harry had run into a co-worker who'd found Ruby's phone in the bathroom. The lady didn't know how to contact her so she'd given it to him, and he had no choice but to pay her a visit. His initial plan was to return the phone and drive as fast as he could to see his Bambi.

However, it was Ruby's assistant who answered the door, and before he could even think, she rushed toward him, her eyes wide with panic. "Mr. Styles! Thank God, you're here! I think she did it again!"

Harry's face turned ashen as he bolted inside and leaped up the stairs to Ruby's room. It was dark but there was light coming from the gap beneath her bathroom door. He dashed forward, tugging at the handle while gasping and expelling sharp breaths. "Rubes! It's Harry! Are you okay in there?!"

"I've found the key!" Liv rushed back in no time and handed it to Harry. Frantic, he burst right in, only to freeze in the doorway, his jaw went slack.

"How can I help you?" Ruby asked calmly, leaning to the side of the tub and resting her chin on her knuckles. Her nipples poked through the bubbles, but she didn't seem to care as her mouth curved into a smile.

"Is this a joke to you?!" Harry raised his voice suddenly. "We were scared to death, Rubes! If you think this is funny, then you need to grow the fuck up!"

"Relax. Can a woman be alone in her own house?" Ruby smirked then asked her assistant to leave, and the poor girl didn't even hesitate to scurry outside.

With hands on his hips, Harry tossed his head back, inhaling the perfumed air in the humid bathroom until he was calm enough to lower his voice. "I'm here to return your phone. You dropped it in the bathroom."

Ruby didn't respond. She stepped out of the tub onto the mat, dripping and naked before the younger man whose eyes shifted away as he waited for her to put on her bathrobe. But instead, she only moved closer, until their faces were just inches apart and he could smell her coconut shampoo. Carefully, she held his chin with two fingers and turned his head so their eyes would meet.

It was only until she leaned in that he snapped back to reality and quickly grasped the hand holding his face. He pulled it up, staring at her scar-covered wrist and heaving a sigh for none of the marks was new.

Those scars, the bags under her eyes, the tiny freckles on her naturally rosy cheeks, she usually had them covered with makeup, because they were evidence of her not being the perfect cover girl everyone wanted her to be. Only with him was she not afraid to go unmasked.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt myself again," she spoke in a brittle voice, her large deep-set eyes glinted while holding his stare. "But now I know you still care about me."

Harry knew she expected a response, but he didn't think she could handle his honesty right now.

"I'll give your phone to Liv," he said before taking a step back to where the light faded into darkness, and hurriedly made his way out.

At that very moment, Y/N was waiting in her kitchen. She kept staring at the hands of the clock and reassuring herself that Harry might get stuck in traffic. The food she'd ordered for them from that Vietnamese restaurant he loved had gotten cold, and her stomach was growling because she hadn't eaten since breakfast. Starving and exhausted, the longer she waited, the more impatient she became. Eventually, she had to pull out her phone and check the texts she'd sent him a while ago. He hadn't read them, so she assumed he didn't have his phone with him. However, just as she was about to lose hope, he pounded on her door.

"Bambi, it's me!" Harry sounded frantic, all out of breath.

Without reluctance, Y/N strode out of her kitchen, toward the front door, and greeted him with a bashful smile. He apologized to her before going in for a hug, but the moment he wrapped his arms around her shoulders to pull her against his chest, her entire body froze.

"You smell different..." She pulled away, her voice was strained. "Why were you late, Harry? Be honest with me."

Holding her breath, she watched the color drained out of his face. The part of her which had believed him until now, still wanted to believe in him, yet he was making it so difficult for her to continue.

"I was at Ruby's," he finally admitted and reached out to touch her shoulder, only to pause when she glowered at him. "Nothing happened, I swear."

"I'm not your girlfriend. You don't need to justify anything," she told him, but clearly didn't mean it. She felt like an idiot and just wanted him to leave. She almost said it when he stopped her again.

"Yes, I do, because nothing happened. You're not my girlfriend, but you're the girl I love, and I want you to know that I wouldn't have done anything to hurt you." He screwed up his face and sucked in a harsh breath before he went on, "Ruby...she locked herself in the bathroom. Her assistant and I thought she was trying to...she's done it before...I couldn't let her do it again."

Y/N's eyes went round as her lower lip trembled. All the doubt she'd had just a second ago had vanished, and now she was only worried. It was strange that she could feel this way about a woman she barely knew.

"Is she okay?"

Harry seemed surprised by that question, but he nodded anyway. "Yes. She didn't do it."

"Good..." She calmly said. "Now you should go."

"What? I already told you—"

"I heard you, and I want you to go."

"I-I don't understand..." Harry stuttered as his jaw fell slack.

"What's there to not understand?" Y/N's voice suddenly deepened. "How are we gonna do whatever the fuck this is if you're gonna come running every time she calls? I know you feel the need to protect her because she's in a bad place right now, but it can't always be you. Either you're with me, or with her. I'm exhausted from chasing after you for my whole life, so I won't settle to be an option anymore, Harry."

Harry shook his head fast, taking her hands and squeezing them tight, with a fear that she might run from him again. "This would be the last time I came to her, I promise. Please, let's talk. I came here to talk, I'll tell you anything."

"Okay." She glanced up, her gaze was intense. "Why don't we start with why you showed up at my father's wedding? You lied to me, you said he sent you the photos of the garden but you saw it when you were there, weren't you? And you left."

"You were in our treehouse with Isaac..."

"We were just talking! You gave up on me so easily, and came running back to your ex the minute she called! I want to believe that you love me, I do, but you're making it so fucking hard!"

She tried to push him away and left this conversation before she burst out crying, but instead of letting her go, he dragged her back in, pressing her against his chest. He'd watched her leave once, and they both knew how it'd turned out, so he was definitely not about to do it again. With both arms secured around her body, he waited for her breathing to slow down before he began to speak.

"I didn't leave because I didn't love you enough to stay, Bambi," he whispered as his eyes fell shut. "I loved you so much I had to let you go. I tried everything to go back to my old life, even sleeping with Ruby, but nothing worked. Because I don't remember how to do it without you." His grip on her tightened when he lowered his head to whisper into her ear, "I'm here for you now. Wouldn't be here if I'd completely given up on you."

Her slim shoulders shuddered as she released quiet sobs against his chest, so he had to pull back and hold her face. "Please don't cry," he pleaded. "I hate it when you cry."

"Do you...do you even...know what you're talking about? How can I be sure you won't change your mind the next day? I'm just...I'm nothing like her. How can you love me?" That last sentence left Harry speechless. Those were the words she'd been holding back for years before finally admitting to herself, and to him now. The hardest part about loving him was that she had always felt the need to compare herself to someone else. First, a pretty girl like Kathy, then some other models while they were apart, and now an actress. She couldn't spend the rest of her life second-guessing when he was going to leave her for someone prettier. She had sworn to herself that she wasn't that girl anymore. She couldn't go back to being that girl anymore.

"Hey." He sighed and carefully wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Remember when I brought Thumper back to you and I got a black eye?"

"Yes, you told me you fell from a tree," she whispered, her eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't really believe you but—"

"Well, I lied to you," he said, shaking his head. "I actually got punched by this kid who stole Thumper, and I traded the captain armband to get it back. It was supposed to hurt, but it didn't because I was over the moon when I saw you smile. I couldn't explain it, so I told myself it was because I loved you. Then I grew up and thought I was just a stupid boy who didn't know what he was talking about. But I did know, because I've never felt the same since, not with anyone else, not even Ruby. She was the second woman I loved, the first one was you, and now it's still you. I'm done being a coward, I want to be that boy again, and...and I will do anything for you."

"Stop."

"Bambi, please—"

"Stop, Harry!" She almost shouted, her expression hardened as she looked him in the eye. The next thing she said, however, got his head spinning. "Just...kiss me."

In an instant, he backed her up against the wall and pressed his lips against hers for a hot and urgent kiss. It was different from all the ones they'd had because this time they were in love. And for that one moment, nothing else mattered anymore, their past, their mistakes, the other people who'd been in their way, all disappeared in one kiss.

Now Y/N could only focus on the rhythm of his heart. Her fingers thrust in his hair and her tongue in his mouth. She couldn't stop touching him, she couldn't get enough of him. She missed him terribly, and she knew the feelings were mutual because his hands were all over her body, squeezing her, pulling her in. More. She needed more, just not here, not now, not like this. So as much as she wanted him, she pulled away, gasping for air.

"Fuck, I missed that." Harry rested his forehead against hers. His pupils flared and his breath hissed between his teeth. "I missed you so much."

A smile crept up on Y/N's face at last. She put her fingers around his neck as her eyelids drooped. "So...what's next?" She asked.

"I'm taking you on a date." Happiness glowed in her eyes when he kissed her lips, softly this time. "Go on a date with me, please? Tomorrow night?"

"I don't know, I'll have to check my schedules..."

"Bambi."

"Alright, fine." She giggled, rolling her eyes. "But I'll pick you up."

"You pick me up? You're gonna steal a car for me, baby?"

"Hey asshole, I have a car!" She hit him on the chest as her mouth twitched in amusement. "Besides, you can't be seen driving around London with me in one of your ten expensive cars."

"Who says I have only ten cars and that we're still in London tomorrow night?"

As her eyes widened, he distracted her with another kiss so she couldn't ask him anything else and spoil the fun. 'I love you's poured from his lips as smoothly as before, but she might need more time to get used to them and say them back when she was ready.

"I'll bring a helmet," he teased, his heart swelled again when she giggled and kissed him on the cheek. Harry didn't care how long it would take until he got hear those three words, at least for once he was finally doing something right.

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