#i used to think of it as a sad memory of her gradually becoming less lucid but i think now more of how it shows how much she loved us. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sundaysundaes · 3 years

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Thirst

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff | 3.8k | Vampire AU

Summary: You have walked the earth for more than a hundred years but your eternity finally means something the second you meet a human boy with smiles brighter than the sun.

Warnings: Vampire!Reader X Human!Hyuck, unprotected sex, blood sucking

“Wait, ah…”

You pull back at the sound of his voice, fingers squeezing his upper arm. “Nervous?”

Donghyuck throws his head back and runs a hand over his face. He averts his gaze, slightly hiding behind his lean fingers. “Of course, I’m nervous,” he confesses, the tip of his ears turning scarlet. “I have a cute girl sitting on my lap, about to drink blood from my neck—how could I not be nervous?”

You reach out to him, gently running your fingertips at the side of his throat, and see him swallow hard at your touch. You can hear his heartbeat soaring, which only fuels your thirst for his blood. It has been days since you last drank from him and the flame in your throat is scorching. You know that if you don’t do something about it fast, you’ll lose what’s left of your humanity.

“Hyuck…” You plead, gripping against the collar of his black shirt. “I’m… I really need to drink…”

All the anxiety on his face is replaced instantly with concern. “Shit, you’re right, I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath, unfastening two of his top buttons to reveal more of his collarbones. The previous bite marks have begun to fade on his skin, appearing almost as faint as the little mole he has on his Adam’s apple. He’s beautiful, so beautiful, that if your mind wasn’t too clouded with the thoughts of consuming human blood, you would praise and cherish every little detail of his features with your lips.

Donghyuck closes his eyes, eyebrows adjoined in the middle in anticipation of your bite. His hand is fisting his collar, slowly tugging it down to reveal more sun-kissed skin to your glowing eyes. “H-have it your way.”

The way he’s reacting like a child curling up in fear of a syringe being plunged into their skin, makes you feel contrite but there’s no other option but to consume what he offers. Otherwise, your thirst for blood will drive you to the brink of your sanity, forcing you to do something even more terrible to him.

You try your best to divert your attention and focus more on trying to comfort him, even when your entire body nearly blazes in flame. Softly, you brush your lips against the column of his throat.

Donghyuck shivers, his breathing tatters. “Don’t—“ He curls his fingers, nails sinking into his palms when he feels your mouth move to lay wet kisses down his chest. “Don’t do that, please.”

“I’m trying to calm you down.”

“Well, you’re doing the opposite 'cause then I’ll be nervous for an entirely different reason.” Donghyuck brings the back of his hand to his mouth, murmuring the words against his skin. But despite the heat that warms his cheeks, he does seem a bit more relaxed, slightly smiling sheepishly at you over his flirtatious words. “I’m fine, just do it.”

You nod, leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose. Caught off guard, the blush blooms a little wider on his face but he tenderly strokes your cheek. “We’ll do that again after you’re finished,” he promises, “A lot of that.” His hooded eyes are captivated with the way your lips glisten under the slide of his thumb. “Right here.”

You smile in return. Landing yet another soft kiss to his jaw this time, you extend your fangs and make your mark.

Donghyuck winces away from the pain of your cuspids puncturing the skin under his jaw, right between the earlobe and the collarbone. His hand immediately finds your shoulder, fingers twisting against the fabric of your dress. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shut close as he endures the pain, but in the next few seconds, his breathing gradually becomes slower.

His head swirls as the rush of endorphin fills his system, elevating him with bliss. He slides his hand down from your shoulder to your arm, resting it on the dip of your waist. You can hear him curse under his breath but he slowly relaxes, his body reclining with you pressed tightly against his chest.

“You’re not so gentle today, are you?” He chuckles softly, slurring a little bit as his thoughts become hazy with ecstasy. “You don’t usually bite me like that.”

You can’t respond, too busy drowning in the pleasantness of his blood.

“So serious.” He quietly laughs. “Well, I guess, it has been a while since we did this so you must be very thirsty.” His free hand slips around your neck, tangling your locks around his fingers. He lets his lips brush against your strands as he murmurs, “I’m sorry… It must have been painful.”

It was painful. So painful that you were about to lose your mind, but with Donghyuck’s arms wrapped around your body protectively, his warm skin under your fingertips, and his sweet, sweet blood on your tongue, every pain, every suffering, every torture you’ve experienced vanishes into a blur.

“Calm down,” he whispers, his honeyed voice soothes you more than anything else in the world. “You don’t have to rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

And as he relishes the feeling of your tongue on his skin, your teeth sinking to draw even more blood, he closes his eyes again, and witnesses a flashback behind his eyelids.

Eight years-old Lee Donghyuck stood on the frozen ground with his tiny gloves covering his trembling fingers. Smokes of warm breaths were clouding over his mouth. His teeth chattered from the cold; a weird, repetitive melody to his ears. And although his tears were no longer falling, his reddened cheeks were still lined with them.

“Jaeminnie…” He sniffed, one arm hugging himself by the waist while the other one moved to rub his puffy eyes. “Jaeminnie, where are you…?”

His warm chocolate brown beanie was no longer covering his head—a small reminder of how he had previously tripped himself and scraped his knee on the way down. It hurt. His trousers were ripped open from the fall, enough to show the small bleeding wound on his right knee. Kissed by the cold, his ears were red to the tips, freezing.

He was alone. And lost. And no matter how much he called out for Jaemin’s name over and over again, no one ever came to reply.

Losing strength, Donghyuck fell to his knees. His gloved covered fingers sank into the five centimeters deep white snow and he began to cry, as loudly as he could, just like how he usually did at nights when he was too scared of the monster lurking under his bed.

He cried, and he cried, and he cried, and then he stopped.

He was not alone.

Donghyuck had his gaze on you; his big, watery, round eyes blinking in surprise. Your dress was tainted with splotches of red, fresh liquid that dripped from your chin as you just feasted upon a human. Turning around to look at him, Donghyuck noticed something peculiar.

Your eyes were glowing, strikingly so. Even in the darkness, even when the moon didn’t set afoot to shine that night in the silenced forest, Donghyuck saw them shining like the stars. And they were brighter, much brighter than anything he had ever witnessed.

The little boy stopped crying and gazed back at you. But no matter how cold your eyes were as they raked in his features, Donghyuck was not as much afraid as he was curious of why you could stand in the middle of December, wearing nothing but a sleeveless knee-high summer dress. And he was still starstruck with your glowing topaz eyes.

When he reached out a hand, you took a step back by instinct. Humans made you nervous, especially after your last encounter with the hunters. The memory of one of them nearly driving a stake into your heart made you more cautious than ever, even when your opponent was only a child.

Donghyuck stood up and dared himself to take another step and this time you bared your teeth in response. Your natural human face suddenly dispersed into a form of fear the second Donghyuck saw your teeth.

They were fangs, small but sharp enough to tear skin apart. You snarled, like a beast in a corner, ready to pounce when threatened.

But Donghyuck’s fear only lasted for a minute, while his curiosity and admiration lasted forever.

“You…” Donghyuck spoke, his voice quivered from the cold and perhaps, excitement. Blood was still dripping from the corner of your mouth and he saw a long cut, spreading from your right palm to her wrist. “Are you hurt? You’re bleeding…”

Your eyes widened in surprise at his words, blinking twice before your shoulders began to loosen.

“If you’re hurt, I have band-aids,” Donghyuck said, immediately shoving his small hand inside his pocket to grab two blue band-aids with soccer balls printed on them. He showed them to you, his teeth still chattering from the cold. “See?”

You examined him more, looking for any kind of sign that he might be a threat to your existence but it was no use. Donghyuck was as harmless as he was adorable. He didn’t even have the strength to keep his little, stubby fingers steady from the cold.

“Why are you crying?” You asked instead, standing a little better in a less offensive stance.

Donghyuck finally remembered. “Nana… Jaeminnie’s gone… He fought with his brother so we went out here to have some time for ourselves but… But we got separated and now he’s gone...”

“In the woods like this?” You wiped the blood off your mouth with the back of your hand. “What, do you want to die? It’s not safe.”

“N-no—I don’t want to die… I didn’t mean it to be like this.” The little boy shook his head. “I was just trying to help… Jaeminnie looked sad and I wanted to help…”

You fell quiet for a moment, noticing how Donghyuck’s eyes had turned watery once again. You retracted your hands, no longer had your claws out to defend yourself. “Maybe your friend’s already gone home first.”

“Y-you think?” Donghyuck’s eyes grew hopeful and that was when you realized that the boy was not crying because he was lost in the woods late at night, nor was he crying because he thought his friend abandoned him. Donghyuck was crying because he was worried sick about him. “W-well, if he’s home then that’s great… I really hope he’s with his family again… Fighting is bad…”

So frail, you thought, humans are so frail. Leave them and they cry. Break them and they die.

You sighed. You couldn’t find the heart to leave him alone.“Come with me,” you said, “I’ll help you find your way out of the woods. You can check whether he’s home or not after that.”

And Donghyuck was not one to think twice when people offered him help. With a bright smile, he let his little feet carry him closer to your spot. “I’m Donghyuck,” he said, smiling brightly as he stood beside you. “And you are?”

You glanced at him, noticing how his bangs were fluttering from the winter breeze. His nose was red and his skin, although it was slightly tanned, was thin and easy for you to sink your teeth into if you wanted to.

You told him your name and you had to repeat it twice until he could pronounce it correctly. He smiled even warmer. “Your name is pretty. Just like you, Noona!”

Noona? You almost snorted. When was the last time someone ever called you that?

But you kept yourself in silence and although you appeared cold, Donghyuck managed to find your charm in his own way.

“Can I hold your hand on the way out, Noona?”

“Don’t get too full of yourself, brat.”

Twenty years-old Lee Donghyuck smiles at the memory, even when he’s somewhat dazed from the chemical of your saliva. He embraces you tighter, sighing close to your ear, “It took a while before you warmed up to me. I’m just so glad you accept me the way I am.”

That’s my line. You close your eyes, fingers curling against the back of his shirt. You can faintly hear his heartbeat growing slower and during the time you begin to worry, Donghyuck caresses your cheek.

“Can we…” He breathes heavily. “Stop for a moment?” His head swirls, always an aftereffect from having his blood sucked more than he can contain. But even then, he still smiles like always.

“Oh…” Embarrassed and startled, you pull away, immediately wiping the trace of blood on the corner of your lips with the back of your hand. “I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… Umm…” Donghyuck witnesses your fangs before they’re fully retracted, as you turn away, shy and ashamed, hiding the only thing that distinguishes you from a normal human.

Donghyuck smiles wider, and wider, until he produces this little chuckle that always sends a trickle of warmth and desire through your soundless heart. “You’re adorable, come here,” he says, hugging you from behind and tugging you closer to his chest, your intertwined hands lying idly on your lap.

After years have passed by since your first encounter, Donghyuck has become stronger and taller, with broader shoulders and veiny muscles appearing along his wrists. You, in return, stay as young as always, never changing. But like this, sitting above his thighs and curling up to his chest, you look like a normal girl, perhaps even a few months younger than he is.

“Hyuck...”

“Hmm?”

“Did it... hurt?”

“When I fell from heaven?”

You don’t indulge him with his jokes. “When I bit you, did it hurt?”

“Yeah, but I like it.” He grins, placing his chin on your shoulder. "Seems like I’ve developed a kink for it.” When you don’t mirror his laugh, he embraces you tighter. “I’m fine,” he whispers to your ear, tickling you with his warm breath. “Just a little low on blood, but come on, it’s nothing new.”

You don’t say anything but Donghyuck understands how guilt is gnawing at you from the inside. “Hey,” he gently turns your body around until he has his eyes peering into yours. You’re reluctant, not sure how to face him with the look of guilt on your face. “I said I’m fine. Can’t you see?” he coos, smiling with his chocolate brown eyes turning crescents. “Don’t look like that. You know I don’t like it when you’re blaming yourself for drinking my blood.”

“But it’s…” You nibble on your lower lip. “It’s not right.”

“You’re just filling your needs,” Donghyuck corrects you. “What’s wrong with it? I do it all the time. Think about this as your late-night snack.”

“Hyuck, I’m snacking on your blood.”

“And yet you’re the one who complains about it. You see how weird that is?” You shoot him a glare but Donghyuck counters back with a pout—a habit from his childhood days that somehow only occurs more often now that he’s an adult. “Look, I volunteered to do this. I want you to drink my blood.” He swats the bangs out of your eyes, leaning close. “I’ll be pissed-off if you drink from someone else, actually. You’re supposed to be mine, just as much as I am yours.”

It’s funny how you’re superior than him in terms of experience, strength, and possibly anything else, but he shamelessly talks like he owns you. And you don’t mind, not at all, because after living behind the shadows for so long, it’s nice to have someone as bright as the sun holding you captive under his light.

You trail your fingers through the blood on his neck, painting his skin with crimson. “I’ve made a mess,” you mumble to yourself and Donghyuck stiffens, even stops breathing for a second. You dip your head into the crook of his neck, darting out your tongue to wipe the rest of his blood away, slowly and gently so you won’t scrape his skin with your fangs.

“Don’t hold back.” He holds you closer until your teeth are grazing against the supple skin. “It’s okay if you want to do it again.”

The temptation is too much, too strong, and you can’t find the will or strength to decline. “T-then... Just a little more.”

Donghyuck’s ragged breathing devolves into soft moans that ring in your ears, and you want him so desperately in every sense of the word. “Fuck, it’s so weird that it feels this good,” he sighs, the back of his head pressed against the wall behind him. “Do I taste this good to you too?”

You hum, squeezing his shoulder.

He smiles between deep sighs. “Then, I guess, we’re both each other’s drugs.”

You only take a sip of his blood and lick the rest until nothing seeps out from his wound. Donghyuck is in a haze, eyes nearly closed when he smiles softly. “Are you done?”

You nod, wiping your mouth clean. “Thank you.”

“You’re being too formal.” He titters. “But you’re welcome. Anytime you want.”

You don’t really blush, not when you’ve lived for more than a century, but Donghyuck has his way to break into your facade and knows when he’s succeeding. He says there’s just something in the way you avert your gaze, the way you lick your lips nervously, or the way you put a hand on his chest as if you were about to push him away, but at the same time, making sure that he stayed near.

Donghyuck understands all that. He knows you like the back of his hand.

“Listen to me,” Donghyuck says, cupping your face with both hands so he can stare directly into your glowing eyes. “If you ever crave for blood, you come to me, okay? I won’t let you starve. I won’t let you die. You can drink from me, as much as you want. I want you to.”

You’re surprised at the sudden pressure on his words and Donghyuck’s hands are hot, nearly scorching compared to your icy cold skin but they’re comfortable. He reminds you of the sun, of its heat on your skin during the day, reminding you how good your life was as a human.

“But I’m not even alive, Hyuck,” you say, smiling weakly as you lean more into his touch.

“Scientifically, no.” He shifts closer to press his forehead against yours, his heat seeping through your skin. “But to me, you’re much more alive—and you make me feel more alive than anyone I’ve ever known.”

You want to meet his eyes, but his stare is directed to your lips. “Is that a compliment or a white lie?” You whisper, and his eyes grow half-lidded when he sees you moving your lips to form a sentence.

“It’s the truth.” Donghyuck swallows the soft noise you make directly with his mouth, lips slanting against yours perfectly like pieces of a puzzle. He groans from the back of his throat when he tastes a hint of his blood on your tongue, kissing you deeper with more passion.

Being with Donghyuck is suffocating and it’s funny because you don’t even need to breathe to live. It’s suffocating in the sense of how desperate his kisses are, how there is only one innocent kiss at the beginning that only lasts for a few seconds and then vanishes entirely, changing into hard, bruising, deep ones that feel possessive and dominating.

But being with him is also comforting. He gives you solace you don’t know you need. His touch, a stark contrast to his kisses, is gentle, almost silky smooth whenever his hands glide on your skin. He’s the only one who knows how to make you laugh, even when you can hardly remember how or the sound that you make when you do. His laughter is contagious, his protested whines are both annoying and endearing. He’s the fire that keeps you alive.

“Hyuck—” You circle your fingers around his wrist, feeling the heartbeat that faintly beats under the skin. “Wait, you’re losing a lot of blood—”

“I don’t care,” he gasps against your mouth, yanking his hand from your hold so he can cup your cheek. “I’m fine, so let’s just—“ You let him overpower you for once to do as he pleases and he pushes you down to the carpeted floor, crawling on top of your body. “I want you—for two weeks, I’ve been—I’ve missed you—”

Donghyuck is adorable when he wants something so desperately, like the way he furrows his eyebrows as he runs his fingers on his keyboards. The way he’s shouting a train of expletives at his computer screen before he leaps out of his chair, punching the air when he finally completes the mission.

Donghyuck is captivating when he desires to achieve something in his life, like the way he practices dancing over and over again to earn a scholarship to college. Or the way he told you he loved you a few months ago, and no matter how many times you said no, telling how ridiculous of him to even think about being with a vampire, he never relented.

And Donghyuck is beautiful—so out worldly beautiful—when he wants you.

It’s beautiful, the little moan that escapes his lips when you touch him back. Even the slightest touch at the right spot can make him shiver and he blushes when you notice him react that way, immediately saying, “It’s just cold here, okay? And your ice-cold skin isn’t helping.”

It’s beautiful, the way a bead of sweat rolls down his temple as he’s sheathed deep inside you, not quite moving yet as he tries to catch his breath, his cheeks flushed. “You’re driving me insane,” he confesses, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, grazing his lips against your skin as he sighs. “Can we stay like this forever?”

It’s beautiful, the way he laughs when you answer him with, “Actually yes, we can, if you’re willing to be turned into a vampire.” The appalled look on his face only stays for a split second before he beams at you, his smile bright enough to replace the sun. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” he giggles, taking your earlobe between his teeth as he whispers, “Any man would be happy to sacrifice their souls to be able to make love to you for eternity. Including me.” And as he moves back to your lips, he adds, “Especially me.”

It’s beautiful, the way he throws his head back in pleasure at the feeling of you clenching around him. The way he murmurs expletives while biting his lip as he brings his eyes down to you. His expression is erotic, his voice obscene, his lips are parted and bruised. His hands are on your knees as he spreads your legs apart, pushing himself deeper inside. “I can never get enough of you. I—“ He flinches when his thrust hits your sweet spot and you squeeze harder around him in response.

It’s beautiful, the way he rambles when the sensation becomes too much. “The way you feel around me—” He places open-mouthed kisses down your neck, his hips moving frantically at a faster pace. “Y-your entire existence—” His hand heads over to your breast, his thumb sliding over your nub. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And it’s fucking beautiful, the way he says your name in a soft gasp as he comes inside you, his arms trembling when he places them on the floor on each side of your head to keep him from collapsing on top of you. His temple is pressed against your collarbone and he quivers when you kiss his hair. His lips immediately chase after yours when his name escapes your mouth, and he kisses you again, and again, as if he hasn’t been kissing you a thousand times already.

“Stay with me,” he begs, his hooded eyes nearly hidden behind the bangs that are damp from his sweat. “I’ll keep you alive—as alive as you make me feel so please just…”

Don’t leave me.

***

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dweetwise · 3 years

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since i already did the killers, here’s the survivors reacting to their newest addition!

Yun-Jin & survivors headcanons

Dwight tries not to judge people too quickly, as his hands aren't exactly clean either. He doesn't really care what Yun-Jin did before, the problem is that she only looks after herself in trials. When his numerous attempts at friendly advice fall on deaf ears because she clearly doesn't regard him as a leader, Dwight kind of gives up on and hopes that she might come around one day.

Meg is instantly wary of Yun-Jin, her story not painting the producer in a good light at all. She’ll "accidentally” lead the killer to Yun-Jin in trials, doubly so if they're going against the Trickster, seeing it as fitting punishment for someone willing to turn to a blind eye to the atrocities the idol committed.

Claudette always tries to see the best in people, but after Yun-Jin leaves her to die on hook several times, the botanist realizes her trust in the other woman might be misplaced. Her own morals refuse to let her treat Yun-Jin different from the others, but it makes Claudette sad to know the producer most likely wouldn’t return the favor.

Jake is downright hostile, as the cutthroat nature of the business world was one of the main reasons he put his old life behind him. He's annoyed when some of the others try to force him to make friends with Yun-Jin just because they happened to be born in the same country.

Nea is both intrigued and cautious, fond of Yun-Jin's unapologetic attitude but not a fan of the way she essentially sold her soul to be a corporate pawn. She teaches the woman how to be a pain in the ass to any killer, but usually keeps her distance since Yun-Jin is clearly only looking after herself and Nea is not about to be caught in a bad spot without back-up.

Laurie is pissed. Upon hearing about the producer's connection to the Trickster, she goes off, accusing Yun-Jin of creating a murderer. Some of the others intervene—though don't necessarily disagree—but Laurie doesn’t budge on her stance.

Ace isn't blind to the parallels between his and Yun-Jin’s lives, having to play dirty in order to escape their less fortunate upbringings. He admires her extravagant fashion sense and always makes sure to compliment her outfits, happy to notice it makes her hold her head up higher after a rough trial.

Bill writes her off as a stuck-up rich kid that never had to face hardships, but is proven severely wrong when Yun-Jin shows to fare well even without the comfort of her penthouse. When he sees her making a fire and she mentions she had to learn how to keep warm when their heat was shut off, the contempt is gradually replaced by respect.

Feng is also somewhat of a lone wolf and doesn't care that Yun-Jin cares mostly about self-preservation. She'll tell the woman that they won't have any problems as long as she stays out of Feng’s way in trials. The two end up working well together, exchanging strategies on the best ways to split up and rush generators.

David isn't impressed by the producer’s appearance, thinking she's a spoiled brat that will throw a tantrum as soon as she chips a nail. Will tease her in trials, scoffing “Careful ya don't get blood on yer fancy jacket, princess”. She never takes the bait, instead opting to survive to the end and leave David to die on his first hook, giving him the finger from the safety of the exit gate. David sees it as a playful rivalry, though in reality the woman probably hates his guts.

Quentin is familiar with the guilt of creating a monster and instead of being angry at Yun-Jin, claims that this is her chance to make it right. He gets her to tell them everything she knows about the Trickster that might benefit them in trials. He's not that bothered by her refusal to work as a team, knowing it won't be long before she realizes she has to help others if she wants to survive.

Tapp has some very unfortunate flashbacks to his last case before he died, a psychopath and his accomplices making his life a living hell. And that's what he sees Yun-Jin as; an accomplice and enabler of the Trickster. He doesn't bother to hide his distrust, keeping a sharp eye on the woman as if expecting her to turn against them at any second.

Kate is initially put off by Yun-Jin's stuck-up attitude, having been forced to deal with her fair share of money-hungry producers. However, when they slowly get to know each other and the Korean mentions her own buried aspirations of being a musician, Kate recognizes their similarities; both of them just wanted to share their music with the world.

Adam attempts to make hesitant small talk about Seoul, trying to find common ground. However, when Yun-Jin only talks about Michelin-star restaurants and luxurious boutiques, Adam resigns himself to the fact that the woman has little interest in anything not revolving around money or music.

Jeff is a firm believer in live and let live and doesn't have anything against Yun-Jin despite the woman being his polar opposite in almost every way. He can tell the producer is surprised every time he strikes up casual conversation or offers to heal her in a trial, clearly not used to kindness from a stranger.

Jane is no stranger to being in the spotlight and doesn't approve of Yun-Jin's corrupt methods of navigating fame. She’s persistent in trying to get through to the producer, going out of her way to help the other in the hope that Yun-Jin will one day do the same.

Ash makes some good-natured jokes that Yun-Jin looks fancy compared to the rest of them. He doesn't care that some of the others think she's a bad person, he admires her gutsy attitude and doesn't treat her any different than others, one of the few who happily trade his life for hers in trials.

Nancy isn't as quick as most of the others to judge Yun-Jin. She's curious to know the whole story, and eventually understands why Yun-Jin made the decisions she did. They’re on neutral terms and occasionally exchange stories of their lives before, but Nancy swiftly learns that when they’re in a trial together, it’s every woman for herself.

Steve is a little starstruck, the K-pop producer’s extravagant appearance a far cry from the monotony of his small town. He can't help but try to impress her, doing stupid tricks in trials and pestering her about whether she thinks he would ever have a shot at stardom. As soon as he hears her artist name, he insists on addressing her as Magnum Opus, and even manages to get a smile for his efforts.

Yui doesn't give two shits about the woman’s questionable morals, instead thinking Yun-Jin is a badass for managing to do so well for herself against all odds. She's quick to welcome the producer to their group, and when questioned by the others, says that it would take a lot more than that for her to throw away the concept of sisterhood.

Zarina asks a lot of questions, curious about Yun-Jin's connection to the Trickster. It quickly becomes apparent that their morals clash horribly, and Zarina is appalled at the way the woman threw away integrity for corporate greed. She doesn’t trust Yun-Jins promises about making the killer pay, knowing people don’t change overnight.

Cheryl tries to give the benefit of the doubt, but as soon as Yun-Jin tries to boss her around in a trial, she withdraws into her shell. Cheryl has unresolved issues with women in power and isn't about to let Yun-Jin use her as a pawn in whatever game she's playing.

Felix can tell at first glance that he won't get along with the woman. Yun-Jin's gaudy outfits and arrogant attitude scream new money, reminding him of difficult clients he hated working with. He respects her drive for her job, but that's where their similarities end.

Élodie, having the freshest memory of what it's like to be the newest arrival in this terrifying realm, is the first to befriend Yun-Jin. Though they're from completely different worlds, both are mature enough to recognize the other's struggles, gradually forming a hesitant friendship.

#dbd headcanons #dbd survivor #dbd #dead by daylight #dweetwrites #long post #yun jin lee

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pedrosbrat · 3 years

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Sorrow You Are My Light {Pero Tovar x Max Phillips x F!Reader}

CHAPTER II : Land Of Broken Promises

AU - Vampire Hunters

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Angst, Sad Memories, BLOOD, VAMPIRE FIGHT, Language, alcohol, yearning, violence (fight) , mention of murder, mention of children death, sword, church massacre, some feelings …

Summary: The three of you will go looking for Max’s creator, making unexpected encounters on your way, also discovering that you don’t hate vampires as much as you think...

Little Comment : Hi everyone, it’s my first series, I hope you will like it (if you see any mistakes let me know and I will correct it) & 1 chapter will be published every week, every Saturday⚔️reblog are appreciated ♥ Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Series Masterlist

You've always known and understood that your life wasn't the way you wanted it to be, that it's a state of being that's pretty pathetic and that your whole life revolves around your grief. But collaborating with a vampire was never in your plans, and when you woke up this morning you really didn't think you'd end up talking to this Max Philips who seems quite comfortable with the both of you. That's when you knew you were really in a bad way… A vampire comfortable with vampire hunters…

Max for his part is not quite as comfortable as you think, but he doesn't show it still keeping that smug and amused look on his face, not showing that anything is getting to him. He tries to ignore the way you look at him with disgust in your eyes and a deep hatred in pero's eyes. He knows everyone hates vampires, but he thinks you seem to hate them in a rather personal way and wonders what has happened to the both of you to get to this point... Having no prospects, no attachments to anyone... A very lonely life, even spending it as a duo...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"We heard there was a massacre not far from here, Father," Max says with a more than innocent and sweet look on his face.

You turn to Pero and roll your eyes, tired of this little comedy he's been putting on for two days now. But Pero doesn't care, he's more worried about the rest of your little adventures, realising that he doesn't know his enemy as well as he thought he did, not understanding how a vampire can enter a church for example. "What do I know, Pero?" you answer him, more and more worried with each moment you spend with him too.

Not that you fear him... Or maybe a little, realizing with every step you take that, places that are supposed to protect you won't, and that every weapon that is supposed to hurt him has no effect on him... He must have a weakness...

So, two days ago, contrary to what you thought, Max had not taken you back to the forest where the massacre took place near your home and took you west, explaining that after attracting so much attention, members of his species never stay in one place. He explained to you that they have a method of travel that is not as random as you might think: When one superior vampire is spotted in the east, the other will head west, because when attention is suddenly focused on one place it can become too dangerous for all members of their species.

You have also discovered that what Max calls vermin, are vampires who were simply bitten and left for dead, that the ritual was not completed, bringing them back to life as mere vegetables that follow any order... Mere flesh to be slaughtered.

You've learned a lot in the last few days... Wondering if he was making it all up... Why was he telling you all their secrets? And how many of them are like him?

"Apparently there's been another massacre in the nearby town and..." "I always thought you called it a buffet." said Pero cutting Max off, flashing a smirk on his face, obviously very proud of his remark "... For there to be a buffet handsome, someone would have to eat." he replied simply as he got back on his horse starting to gallop, overriding the vampire joke, leaving you to follow closely behind him puzzled "He..." You hesitate to ask him too much, not wanting him to think at any point that you're even remotely close to trusting him "You can ask your question, I don't bite..." he said with a smirk, holding back from making his joke. Pero gave him a cold look, letting him know that he didn't find it funny at all, and Pero simply raised his arms in apology, "I was just wondering if... They don't eat them?" you say, disgusted with the image your mind has just created. "Oh no, not with the buffet he made himself less than two days ago..." he says, referring to the massacre in the forest.

He stopped talking for a moment, and you thought you saw a hint of sadness in his eyes for a brief moment, before he began to smile again, noticing that you were watching him "... No, this is all just a game to him, like a simple hunting party" "And don't you play occasionally MAX?" asked Pero as he turned to him, gradually moving deeper into the village "Not like this... But I can show you the other ways I entertain myself if you wish".

Pero frowned and turned his head. For a moment you thought you saw his cheeks turn red. Maybe I imagined... Like that night when we were both around the fire... That night when you told him that his scar didn't bother you, that it gave him a charm, on top of what he already had... But he wouldn't blush in front of this creature... So you put the thought out of your mind and just answer him as calmly as you can. Imagining for a few seconds the two men doing things that you could not name out loud, feeling a certain heat growing in your sex... God, what's happening to me? Pull yourself together!

"It's going to be dark soon, we'll go and inspect the place tomorrow" you say starting to head towards the nearest stable "No, we're going tonight" says Max as he pulls on your harness. You stop completely before dismounting your horse, "We don't hunt vampires at night. "And that's why you spend more time on it, or maybe it works with the little varmints you usually hunt, but with this one you're going to have to make an effort sweetie."

"Don't call her that," Pero says dryly. Max turns around quite surprised by this request, knowing that he doesn't react the same way, when he calls handsome.

You look at Pero who makes you understand that you have to try. You have no choice. So, when night falls and you have taken the time to tie your horses to a tree not far from the church in question, you follow your new travelling companion very closely, remaining more than ever on your guard, being convinced that you are walking into a trap. Nevertheless, you can't help noticing how broad he is, like Pero, and wonder what it would be like to be between these two men in bed...

You obviously don't notice that Pero has his eyes on the same places as you, thinking the same things as you, for a few seconds: what would it be like to spend a night with you in his arms as he has always wished and a man who doesn't repulse him as much as he thought he would... He wonders how he could have attached himself to Max so quickly, secretly starting to like him... He chases his thoughts away when your words bring him back to reality, avoiding a bulge that would have been more than embarrassing at this moment...

"He will feel us coming no matter what…" you say "Not necessarily... In the same way that you humans can't use all your senses correctly when you drink too much..." he says, leaving you to guess what he was about to say next. You don't know if you can believe what he is just told you, but as for the information about their survival, he hasn't lied to you so far... So why not...

The church that the village priest told you about the massacre is still soaked with blood. You feel your stomach lurch, never getting used to the loss of human life and bodies lying around you, starting to give off a putrid smell from the heat. Pero squeezes your shoulder lightly, knowing your aversion to this kind of sight, but you try not to flinch, gripping your sword tighter in your hands.

"We have to..." you start but Max rushes to put a hand over your mouth faster than you can anticipate. You find yourself pressed against his chest, being able to feel every part of his body against yours, his scent intoxicating your breathing space... He smells good, and his body is hard and pleasurable, you wonder what it would be like in another situation, but quickly push the thought from your mind AGAIN, thinking that you're probably just horny for the slightest contact you've wanted to have with Pero for years, and no men has ever satisfied you correctly...

He says nothing and stops in the direction of the open door near the altar, inhaling in that direction. Pero walks around the few benches still standing in his path, sword in hand, leaning against the wall where the door is, where Max is interested. But you notice that Max shakes his head with every step he takes, signalling him to back off. You wouldn't trust a vampire in any situation, but for this one, for Pero, you don't hesitate for a second.

You start to move towards him before Max can realize it, and try to silently reach Pero, telling yourself that if the vampire in the room next to him is there, maybe Max wasn't lying to you after all... But a woman suddenly appeared from the doorway, her face gorged with blood, black veins surrounding her eyes, turning her gaze directly towards Pero, who barely had time to raise his sword to hit her in the cheek, causing her cheek to smoke slightly from the contact of the silver on her skin, followed by a shrill cry and a black look of anger towards Tovar.

He didn't flinch and just tried to give her another blow with his blade, which this time he hoped would pierce her flesh, but she quickly avoided it, laughing, almost amused that you were trying to fight her. You glance behind you wondering where Max might be and see him struggling with another vampire who must have been watching you from behind. The two men are hitting each other with a strength you've never seen before, you've never seen two vampires fight before today... In a split second a second vampire comes up behind him, and you are about to warn him, feeling a sudden concern for him, but you don't need to, before you can see it, he comes up behind the vampire he's standing with facing the newcomer, rips off the head of his first opponent and grabs the new one by the throat to sink his fangs into it and rip out his throat before cracking his neck and dropping him to the ground. You watch him perform all these moves in a few seconds and find yourself slightly excited by this...

You shake your head slightly and come to your senses despite yourself, suddenly finding yourself thrown against one of the walls. A deep pain runs through your body, but you don't pay attention to it, you are used to this kind of feeling and you stand up to give a precise blow of your blade to your opponent, cutting his leg and then separating his head from the rest of his body.

You then grab one of your powder pouches and throw it in the face of the one who is still attacking Pero despite all the wounds he has inflicted on her to try and distract her for a short while. But it doesn't work, and only brings her attention to you. You then grab your sword and thrust it into her arm, driving it as deep as you can.

She doesn't scream, and smiles at you, preventing you from regaining possession of your sword, and grabs you by the throat, lifting you slightly off the ground with her fangs slowly coming out to rest against her lips, until something sinks into her chest and forces her to let go of you "Vete al infierno, hijo de puta" : Pero's sword. She looks at you for a short moment before her body turns completely grey and lies coldly on the ground before forming a pile of ash.

Pero leans towards you and checks your neck, pushing your hands away roughly, "I'm fine Pero... Pero..." Something grabs him by the throat in turn, but as always Pero reacts quickly, and grabs the dagger at your calf to slice the hand around it and turns to face his enemy, another vampire who he inflicts a dagger blow to the leg, knocking him completely off balance.

A hand suddenly appears at your side, you point your sword in that direction. But it's only Max, his hands completely bloody, blood still dripping from his lips, and strangely it doesn't repel you like it usually does, so you grab his hand without any hesitation. "Are you going to help Pero or watch?" you say, pointing in your friend's direction, "He's doing great, I think! We could just go and talk about the little looks you gave me instead of fighting" he says with a smile, pointing to the church exit. But you don't smile and put a more than serious look on your face, "I'm just kidding, sweetheart... I have to talk with our dear Ted anyway..." he says, dropping his jacket on one of the broken pews of the church.

Ted... Does he know him? Of course, he knows him...

He disappears before you can ask him the question and finds himself with his hands around the throat of this Ted, pushing his head down the stone stairs of the church, with remarkable ease " Where is he? " Says Max pulling out his fangs, " You'll never find him, he'll find you before my dear brother does, to kill you, when he'll be done with Tarja, and you'll join them... with your new friends ". he said, laughing. Max put a foot on his back and grabbed his hair and yanked his head away.

You glance at Pero, who doesn't really pay attention to you, staring at Max, who is also staring at him, waiting for an explanation for these last words, but he doesn't say anything and just goes around him and grabs his jacket to leave the church. "Pero..." "I don't think he's lying to us..." he simply said, cutting you off "... He's not lying to us Pero... You should have seen the rage in his eyes when he was fighting them... You know I hate them as much as you do, but apparently we're going to have to trust this one." you say, running your thumb over his cheek to get the blood off it. A hand gently grabs your wrist, and you turn to see Max looking at you with a neutral gaze "If you want to talk about me... Write. I can hear you from far away" he says licking your thumb as he stares into Pero's eyes, who says nothing and doesn't give him a disgusted look as he would like to do, that would be lying to himself and this strange attraction he has to this individual, so he just pass his gaze to you before turning back to the horses, leaving Max's gaze plunged into your finger sucking hold, making your clit swell in your trousers. And as if he could feel it, he smiles, letting go of your finger to head back to the horses, leaving you standing in front of the church confused at what just happened between the three of you.

On your departure Pero decided to burn this place, even though you insist on the discontent of the villagers, he persuaded you, making you admit that no one wants to see what is in this place, that no one should have to see such a massacre…

When you were about to leave, the church cross fell into the field around it, and you watched it burn, upside down, probably announcing nothing good for you...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"You could stop looking at everyone like that Pero..." you say sitting in front of your plate in the tavern. "You scare everyone...".

"I don't mind, and I'm not the one who scares them..." he says as he points max up and down with the tip of his fork, making you aware that you are completely covered in blood, probably explaining the extra food the tavern keeper gave you probably scared of you. "And I'm only smiling for you, you know that" he adds silently, letting a simple smile form on your lips, touched by every little attention he expresses, rare as they are, even knowing that you're just a sister to him... It makes you wish he'd say it in another context, one where you wouldn't be just friends.

Your gaze shifts to Max who looks at you tenderly and amused, shaking his head, thinking that you are both blind "Who was that Ted?" you say trying to change the mood at the table. He frowns and doesn't answer, turning his gaze to the people in the tavern who are staring at him. A man completely covered in blood, who hasn't touched a spoonful of his food, accompanied by strangers. With the stories of demons coming to damn the land of your country since you were a child, it doesn't seem suspicious at all.

He then grabs his spoon and takes a portion of soup, without making a single expression. You widen your eyes in surprise at what you've just seen, and Pero frowns in confusion, realising once again that he doesn't know as much about their species as he thought he did, realising that anyone who can blend in could be one of them...“It taste like ashes to me…” say Max quietly, trying to remember what a soup taste like.

"She asked a question," he said, pointing his fork at him. Max smiled at him “It was my brother handsome, and I want you to talk nice to me. I can… feel, that you love to give orders, but I take them only in bed.” Pero didn’t say anything and just frown, faking to not understand what the man was proposing right now and putting some food in his mouth, hiding his desire like he always do with men, usually waiting to be alone. "He was your brother, and you didn't hesitate to kill him, so how can we be sure that you..." you start but Max roll his eyes and cut your sentence "You're not going to doubt me again sweetheart? This is getting lacy and redundant." he says as he puts his spoon down in his bowl"...He wasn't my brother per se... We just had the same maker... Like all vampire in the church tonight..." he says with a smile, but his smile doesn't fool you and lets you see a hint of sadness in his eyes. Something Pero doesn't miss either, something he thought about on your way to the camp, but doesn't say anything about it, interested in his story, nonetheless. "Who are you supposed to join when you die?" he said, breaking the silence around the fire.

He stared at Pero through the flames, and hesitated for a few seconds, but finally spoke, realising that you both trust him a little more every moment, step by step "My wife and daughter..." he said softly, almost inaudible. You and Pero stare at each other, eyebrows furrowed, surprised by this revelation. "I... A vampire child?" says Tovar, pretty sure he's never met one in his life. Max looked at Pero and laughed, "I was human before I was like this, handsome! ... I had a life..." he said sadly, looking into the flames and talking as if he hadn't been able to do so for years. "... I had a farm with my wife in the south of the country, a farm she had always wanted, a farm I had given her with promises of a better life... Our daughter loved the horses we had there... She would wake up and run straight to them every morning, although we told her every morning from the moment she could walk that she had to ask us or tell us... and one evening I asked her to go and check as she always did if all the horses were there..." He paused for a moment trying to smile, probably not wanting to show you that he has feelings, toward the both of you " ... That was the last time I saw her alive. My wife found her completely pale and bleeding in the stable… She let out a scream like I've never heard before. When I arrived, he was on top of her... Already dead with empty eyes, looking at me... and his own face... was so monstrous, soaked in blood, the blood of my beloved... ". he take a little pause, and you let him, putting your hand on his shoulder, before he said something who really broke your heart “I promised her the world to only die on a land of broken promises”

You feel your heart clenching hard in your chest and look at him with compassion, because you can see him as anyone could see him right now that he is not lying to you... Pero hands him a flask not really knowing if he is drinking alcohol or not, but he grabs it, appreciating the gesture and takes a sip before continuing "I grabbed my pitchfork you know... And I tried to struggle against him... But I woke up underground... And he told me later that he liked the fact that I wasn't afraid of him, and preferred to turn me to join him ... I would have preferred to die with them that night... And I was forced to follow him for so many years, I wouldn't have survived a day without it..." he says, passing you the flask.

"You must not be the only one like this” Pero said without an ounce of malice or teasing in his voice as he would normally have seen a member of this species suffer, he was sincerely starting to enjoy the company of this Max Philips, actually sad for him "There's Tarja, who left the clan many years ago before me, and who settled alone near the border in the east... At least that's the last time I saw her there... And if he's after her, she's probably already dead. She wasn't as well trained as us, and much younger..." he says, straightening up slightly and giving you a dry, forced smile.

“If she had lost her family that…” “Oh no it’s more complicated for her beauty… She was a saint in a monastery that he attacked a few years ago… She lost all her children in one night… And he turned her for fun, thinking that a saint with a damned soul would be something fun, I guess…”

Pero frowned his brows and there was silence between you for a few seconds. You put your hand on Pero’s arm and sent him a smile of compassion “… This monastery was in the north? A monastery by a river." asked Pero silently with his eyes closed. "How can you possibly know that you..." “Because your creator did not kill all the children that night...” Pero said, opening his eyes with a dark and sad gaze…

Chapter3

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animepopheart · 3 years

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Wonder Egg Priority, Episode 11: “The Temptation of Death”?

Wonder Egg Priority is a beautiful, uncomfortable, moving and confusing series that starts out engaging all the things we don’t talk about—self-harm, abuse, rape, bullying, gender dysmorphia, and homosexuality, to name a few. Our silence and blindness to these issues have a weight and pressure to them, and WEP shows how this reinforces the isolation and hopelessness of the young women of the “eggs” who turn to suicide for relief. The first ten episodes have been exhilarating and exhausting alike.

And then there is Episode 11. This past week, the series took a bit of a turn, leaning hard into the sci-fi-philosophical, with appearances from Greek gods, a murderous artificial intelligence, and really, really disturbing insect girls, one of whom, despite being a brutal killer, is apparently a vegetarian. Has the show gone off the rails? Has it lost its way in departing from the familiar procedural approach of engaging a differing social or mental health issue with each episode?

Such a critique is perfectly legit, but before you write off the penultimate episode of WEP, just hear me out on why the abstract, meta turn in episode 11 may just be the most valuable thing this series has to offer so far.

Before we begin though, a little recap of what we learned this week. In episode 10, we hear the eggheads, Acca and Ura-Acca, discuss the need for warriors of Eros to battle Thanatos. This is our first hint that things are about to get lore-full and maybe a bit weird. Eros and Thanatos are of course gods in the ancient Greek pantheon, Eros being the god of love, and Thanatos, of non-violent death. Within the first minute or so of episode 11, it’s clear that the eggheads’ hope is now focused on Ai becoming the long-awaited warrior. At this point though, rather than continuing with Ai’s story, the episode shifts into flashback mode and we are finally introduced to the villain, an artificial intelligence created by the eggheads back when they were still human. Their lives gradually come to revolve around her: She is the fulfillment of their obsession to create life, and she is good.

Frill is associated with hydrangeas, which symbolise heartlessness and pride in Japanese flower language. But is it her heartlessness and pride, or that of her makers?

(Atelier Emily has done an outstanding series of posts on the flowers in WEP. Check it out!)

Only, it turns out she doesn’t play so nice when others join the happy family. After killing Acca’s wife, and putting the life of the unborn baby at risk, the AI—who named herself Frill—is unrepentant, all traces of her seeming humanity now revealed to be illusory, a mere affectation. Acca locks her away in a hole in the cellar. Years pass. The baby, Himari, grows up and is a ray of sunshine. But after effectively confessing to her ‘uncle’ (why does anime always do this?), she commits suicide. Ura-Acca discovers that Frill is still very much alive and active from her hole in the cellar, having powered up all the discarded monitors and laid down reams of electrical cables—to what end, we do not yet know. Though Ura-Acca surmises that she has somehow influenced Himari to take her own life. How else would the girl have known about Ura-Acca’s admiration for her mother? Where else would she have learned to make what will forever be to me now that uncannily sinister popping sound?

Here’s where it gets weirder. Unlike the suicides of subsequent egg girls, there is no indication that Himari, Frill’s apparent first victim, struggled with any mental health or other issues that would motivate her to take her own life. Indeed, her ‘uncle’ did not even reject her confession. (Again anime, why you do this thing?) Instead, the eggheads explain Himari’s suicide as being on account of the “temptation of death.” What now?

This is implying that death is somehow attractive, not just to someone facing overwhelming brokenness, trauma or pain, like the egg girls we’ve met so far, but to someone on the verge of stepping from a (relatively) happy childhood into young adulthood, with the promise of potential love to look forward to; someone who has not known suffering, but rather only smiles and cake. (To be fair, it is always possible that she experienced trauma in the womb, or was more deeply affected by her father’s sadness than Ura-Acca’s memories belie.)

That’s my question too, Ai.

The notion of death as somehow attractive or even beautiful is rather alien to Western culture. Certainly, there will always be some who romanticize death, à la star-crossed lovers (Shakespeare, I’m looking at you). But in general, Western culture views death as something ugly and frightening, something to avoid until it is staring you directly in the face, and even then, closing your eyes in denial is a perfectly reasonable response. Death is one of those things we don’t talk about. In my experience, Anglo-American culture is not very good at even mourning death. We lack the grieving rituals and observances of other cultures, and instead seek to confine death to the sealed, sanitized spaces of hospitals, care homes, and funeral parlors. We keep it shrouded tightly in silence. How could there ever be anything like the “temptation of death”? How could we ever consider death to be something desirable? Are the eggheads or CloverWorks simply aestheticising suicide and death here to make it sound deep and philosophical?

No, I don’t think that’s it. Instead, Acca and Ura-Acca are doing what all good researchers do—and indeed what all Christians, as believers in an unseen spiritual reality, are also called to do: They are looking more deeply into phenomena that seem, on the surface, to already be explained. The two idol fans were consumed with their obsession, so when their idol killed herself, they followed suit. The young woman whose identity was wrapped up in her own appearance ended her life to preserve her beauty. The abused gymnast saw no way out, no hope in ever living free from torment. Some explanations may be more sympathetic than others, but they all possess their own internal logic. Contemporary society is full of a vast array of pressures and stresses and each one, taken to breaking point, can result in death. Case closed. This might very well be our conclusion from the first ten episodes.

Only the case isn’t closed. Because there is a question that has pervaded every episode until now, but has remained unspoken: How is it that death could even become an option for the egg girls? Why does reaching a breaking point trigger suicide? What made death seem like a savior to these girls? This is the question that episode 11 tackles, in its own admittedly obscure way. The eggheads are focused on the underlying, deeper reality that unites all the eggs’ stories, as disparate as they are—the common thread, which is the idea that death is a release, a rescue, a beautiful ending, and as a result, it is tempting.

“But we wondered if there could be another push that drove them to suicide,” explains Ura-Acca.

This is a really important question for us to be asking. Because it’s not just these traumatized, vulnerable girls who fall for the seduction of death. We do, too.

Just ponder for a moment: Have you ever anticipated how wonderful it will be when, in heaven, you no longer struggle with that particular temptation? When your temper is no longer so short, when you’re not afraid of being hurt anymore? Or maybe you think about how one day, on those gold-paved streets, you won’t have to worry anymore. All your hard work coping and just keeping it together will finally pay off and you’ll cross that finish line and heave a sigh of relief, knowing that you made it in the end. Have you ever contemplated these kinds of things? I know I have.

But here’s the thing: When I expect my liberation to come only after I die and not right here, right now, then it is not Jesus who is my savior, but death. I am waiting for death to free me from temptation and sin and fear and brokenness, and usher me into eternal life. I make Thanatos my god.

The temptation of death is not limited to the drastic act of suicide, but also permeates all the accusations and fears that inspire us to put off living the fullness of life in Christ here and now. It’s the temptation to believe that it is death that will ultimately solve the more difficult and painful problems in life.

Acca and Ura-Acca seek to create a love that suits their ideals, just to relieve their stress.

The source of this “temptation of death” in Wonder Egg Priority is Frill, the AI. That is, a man-made, artificial version of love—with ai meaning “love” in Japanese. According to Ura-Acca, they made her “just for fun,” as a way of dealing with the stress of their enclosed lives. They designed her to suit their preferences, to make it easier to love her and forget that she was artificial. In this sense, Frill is the fruit of their self-centeredness, her every characteristic designed to satisfy their own ideals of how a daughter and woman should be. And this artificial love born of selfishness brings death into their midst and beyond, spreading it through the horrendous deformities of girlhood that she in turn creates, in imitation of her fathers. (Only perhaps her creations are less deceptive than theirs, wearing their monstrosity plainly on the outside…)

Frill’s creations. We’ve met Dash (right) and Dot (center), but who is that on the left? And is her name Morse??

To counter her destructive influence, Acca and Ura-Acca need true love, a genuine love. They need Ai, a messy, at times very weak human being, but one who nevertheless is willing to fight to live up to her name and maybe, just maybe, become a warrior of Eros.

There is also a deep, underlying force at work in our world, one that connects all despair and the actions born of it. A wide range of social issues, traumas and mental health challenges can and do trigger suicide, but they do not explain it fully. The deeper reality is the existence of an enemy who seeks to manipulate us into believing our true savior can only be death, whether it is right away by our own hand, or more subtly, decades from now by natural causes. But this is a lie, and it is one that we can combat. Just as I’m sure we’ll see in the final episode that Ai is equipped to wage the coming battle in WEP, so too are we armed, here and now, with the power to overwhelm the enemy’s “temptation of death”—we possess already the words of life, given to us by our true savior.

Jesus began his ministry with a public announcement that he had come to heal heart wounds, comfort those in pain, fill broken lives with beauty, and wrap those in despair with reasons to praise like a warm protective blanket, so that they might celebrate with joy once again. He came to bring freedom to prisoners and captives alike, giving a fresh new life to those locked up because of deeds done wrong, and those punished and injured at the hands of others. He came to take the outcasts, the weak, the traumatized and broken and transform them into mighty oaks, clean and strong; into people with the vision and skill and compassion and fortitude to rebuild a broken world (Isaiah 61:1-4, Luke 4:18),

He came to rewrite and restore our experience of life here on earth, and through us, to redeem our communities, cities, nations, and the world. God does not withhold the fullness of life from us until we finally make it to him in heaven. No, instead he moved heaven and earth to get right up close so that he could pour his own life out into us, even going so far as to breathe his very spirit into our hearts and bodies and minds. We don’t need to wait for death’s rescue—our hero has already come. But we do need to remind each other and ourselves of this truth pretty often, and let it work down deep into all the cracks and bruises in our souls until it strengthens all our weak spots.

In Deuteronomy 30:19, God tells the Israelites that he has given them the authority to choose between life and death. But he also tips the balances in their favor, urging them to choose life. In Jesus, he comes to tip the balances even further, making it possible for us to step into eternal life here and now, immediately and forever. So let’s do it. Each day, through each struggle we face. Let’s choose life and not death.

Warrior of love? And is Ai’s himawari (sunflower) related to Himari somehow?

Join me (in spirit) for the final episode on Tuesday to see Ai’s love triumph! (At least, I really really hope that’s what happens!)

#wonder egg priority #wep #wep frill #ai ohto #Christianity #blog #NOT by me but rather by one of our other writers: cajk2

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evanescentreverie · 3 years

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I Ain’t Perfect (SVT Wonwoo)

This is a songfic based off of I Ain’t perfect by IV of Spades.

TW: Mentions of Self-hate, Eating Disorder, Tread carefully.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ There you are beautiful, quietly Sleepin' on the bed we made right next to me Feels like a dream Only a dream ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

Sometimes, you wondered if what you were seeing was real. If it was truly him that slept by your side every night. If he was truly the man that you were destined to be with.

You silently traced the outline of his face, watching as he slept peacefully beside you. A small smile etched itself into your lips, enjoying the sight of his serene face. It was a rare sight for him, seeing as he was always busy with this work so you treasured these moments, these rare moments that were gifted to you by him.

"What are you doing up, my love?" He whispered, eyes staying closed as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You chuckled as you played with his hair, a certain kind of warmth filling your heart. The kind of warmth that only he gave you, "Go back to sleep, Wonwoo. You need it."

He pulled you closer into him, allowing you to enjoy his scent. You nuzzled your face into his chest, arms slowly encircling him as you did. You drew circles on his back, before deciding to trace something else. As you finished writing the letters, you wondered if he got the message. A quiet laugh from him was all you needed as an answer, "I love you too (Y/n)."

You chuckled as you nuzzled your head deeper into his chest, closing your eyes once more to enjoy this sense of serenity between the two of you.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ Here we are holding on, dangerously Dancin' on the edge of the infinity Feels like a dream Only a dream ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

You have always been mesmerized by him, by his very existence. You loved how he shines whenever he performed. You loved how he showed his passion every time he got up on stage. You loved how his eyes sparkled whenever he told you that he would be performing something new. You had always been proud of him, seeing as you had watched him your whole life.

You remembered the time where he told you that he would be debuting. You couldn't forget the smile he had on his face then, the way his eyes sparkled when he told you he'd finally debut. Your heart warmed at the sight of his smile then, happiness bubbling in your stomach.

You supported him since then and that didn't change until now. You were currently wandering around, waiting for the concert to begin. You smiled as you glanced around, proud that they have finally reached this far. Suddenly, your phone vibrated on your hands, causing you to look at it. You smiled when you saw that it was Wonwoo who had texted you.

Are you already here?

Yep! I'm currently outside waiting for the staff to allow us to enter.

That's good. Enjoy the show, my love.

You chuckled silently as you read the text, eyes not paying attention to what's in front of you. Due to this, you collided with someone, causing you and the person to drop your things. "Oh my! I'm so sorry!" You muttered out as you helped her pick up her things, as well as yours, "I wasn't really paying attention..." Your voice died down as you saw her.

"Don't worry about it!" She brushed her locks behind her ear, a smile present on her lips.

She was extremely beautiful, dressed in clothes you can only hope to wear. Her smile was captivating, makeup on point and her eyes were doe-like, something you can never hope to achieve. Her nice scent was something you noticed as well.

You glanced at the things she brought, being most prominent was her Wonwoo fan. You gave out a small smile, "Are you a Wonwoo stan as well?"

You saw how her eyes sparkled almost immediately, "Yes! Are you one as well?"

You nodded as she began talking about Wonwoo. Your mind wandered as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, suddenly aware of your body. Your heart beat nervously, your stomach feeling uncomfortable, and your hands felt clammy. You cast out a wry smile, head nodding in agreement whenever she said something pleasing. You heard as her friends called her, giving you a smile before waving goodbye.

You watched as she left, leaving you in a trance-like state. The vibration from your phone broke you out of it, a frown now present on your smiling face.

I heard you're going to enter soon. Take care, my love. Always watch where you're going.

You pursed your lips as you read his text before pocketing your phone. You glanced around, suddenly aware of how beautiful their fans were. You took a deep breath before heading to the bathroom, hoping to remove the uncomfortable feeling in your chest.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ Writing all these memories Singing all these melodies Waiting here for centuries ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

You stood in front of the mirror once again, eyes fixed on the reflection in front of you. You glanced from top to bottom, scrutinizing every single thing you find wrong about yourself. Oftentimes, you'd find yourself doing this, staring at your body and judging it more than others do. You pinched the side of your belly, as well as the fat in your thighs. As you did so, you felt a sense of hatred swelling up in your heart, causing your eyes to well up in tears.

You bit your lip as you tried not to cry, telling yourself that it really wasn't worth it to cry. You just had to try harder, that's all. Try harder in eating less and in exercise. Once again, you stared at your reflection, finding it harder and harder to do so as the minutes passed by. Your heart felt stuffy, emotions getting harder to control as you allowed yourself to cry.

Sobs filled the room as your knees grow weak, allowing you to sit on the floor and stare into the wall in defeat. You didn't know what to do anymore, you did your best in losing the weight you wanted to lose but no matter what you did, it just wasn't enough. You could only stare at your thighs in hatred, wondering why you couldn't be as beautiful and thin as the others. Wondering why Wonwoo stayed with you despite looking like this.

He could have chosen a different girl, a prettier one at that but instead, he chose you and you wondered why. While he always reassured you with his words, you couldn't help but doubt him. You couldn't help but think that maybe he was staying with you because you had been friends for the longest time. That maybe, he was staying with you out of pity.

"I don't deserve him." Your voice was barely a whisper, barely audible with the sobs that filled the room. You buried your face into your hands as you cried your heart out, finally letting out all the sadness you felt.

Unbeknownst to you, Wonwoo stood by the doorway, heart breaking at the sound of your cries.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ I ain't perfect I ain't perfect Perfect for you Perfect for you ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

Wonwoo wasn't dumb. He knew that after your breakdown, something in you had changed. He saw how you would start to eat less, how you're often outside to work out at the gym or maybe even jog at the park. He grew worried as you progressively became thinner, to the point where there was barely any left on you. He also noticed that you took fewer pictures of the two of you. He missed how you would nudge him and ask him for a picture, and while he playfully denied your request, deep inside, he enjoyed it when you show him the picture.

So he stared at you from across the table, watching as you picked on your food rather than eat it. He held your hand which was placed on top of the table, causing your gaze to follow his eyes. "Will you eat for me, my love?"

He saw how you smiled apologetically at him, giving him a slight nod as you tried your best to eat. He let out a quiet sigh as he rubbed circles on the top of your hand. He slowly removed his hold from you as he ate his own food in silence, glancing a few times in your direction to watch if you were eating. A few moments after, he saw you stand up abruptly and head to the bathroom.

Immediately, he stood up as well, following you to the bathroom. He heard the sounds of your puking, causing a frown to visit his lips. He saw how you threw up everything you ate, head on top of the toilet bowl. He approached you, his left hand pulling up your hair and his right rubbing your back. His heart swelled with worry as you threw up, knowing full well what was happening to you.

Once you were finished you headed to the bathroom sink and cleaned up, Wonwoo following you as you did. He saw how you couldn't look at him, eyes avoiding his figure. "I'm sorry." You whispered, causing his heart to break. He couldn't stop himself as he hugged you, hoping to at least comfort you in this way. He was shocked by how small you've become. He knew that you gradually lose weight but he didn't realize that it had come to this point. He delicately placed his arms around you, scared that if he were to hold you tighter, you'd break. Slowly but surely, your body shook, sobs soon leaving your form. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, Wonwoo allowing you to cry your heart out. Soon, your sobs quieted down, "I don't know what to do, Wonwoo." He felt you nuzzle your head deeper into his chest, arms by your side. He caressed the back of your head, "I know my love," He whispered out, "but I'll always be here for you."

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ Here I am beautiful, as you see Standing on the pedestal you made for me Feels like a dream Only a dream ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

"Why do you stay with me, Wonwoo?" You muttered out suddenly in the middle of a movie, thoughts in complete disarray despite the distraction. Wonwoo stopped caressing your head as he looked at you, "What do you mean, my love?"

"You could have any other woman that you want yet you're here with me." You turned your attention towards him, genuinely curious about his answer. He stared into your eyes, seeing a glimmer of insecurity swirling within them.

"Because no matter who they are, they couldn't match up with you." He leaned closer to your face, giving a small kiss on your forehead. "I love how you're able to know exactly what I think and know exactly what I need." He then proceeded to give a kiss on your nose, "I love how strong you are despite what's happening."

He closed his eyes as he kissed you passionately on your lips before pulling away seconds after. "Because you're so important to me, more than you know." Your heart warmed at his words, eyes tearing up because of this. You looked away, hoping that he doesn't notice but he did. He removed his hold on you, hands now placed on top of your cheeks. His thumbs wiped any stray tears, a loving look found on his eyes.

"I love you so much, (Y/n) and I'll say it no matter how many times you want me to."

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ Waltzin' through our symphonies In our little galaxy Waiting for our destiny ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

"Please wake up, (Y/n)," Wonwoo whispered beside you, hands holding your right hand. His heart ached at the sight of you on the hospital bed, body pale and obviously malnourished. He wondered where he went wrong, what he didn't notice.

You had always been smiling, laughing like you usually do so why was it so hard to see that you were suffering. Why didn't you let him know that it had led to this?

He watched your chest rise and fall, his breathing unconsciously copying yours. He rubbed your hands before bringing it up to his face. "Please come back to me."

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ I ain't perfect I ain't perfect ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

You sat at the side of the bed, staring as he slept peacefully beside you. His head rested on his arms and it was obvious that he hasn't left you since the day you were admitted. You pursed your lips as you removed his hold from yours before tracing the outline of his face.

You noticed how his eyes now had bags under them, already knowing that he worried about you. You also noticed how he had tear stains on his cheeks, making your heart ache.

You knew that Wonwoo was never the type to cry easily so for him to cry for you made you feel guilty. You also knew that you wouldn't be able to give him the love he deserves because,

How are you going to love somebody else if you can't even love yourself?

You pursed your lips as you made a decision, knowing full well what you had to do. Despite knowing that you will hurt him, you knew that you had to do this. After all, you wanted to give back the love that he gave you.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ Perfect for you Perfect for you ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

Wonwoo's eyes fluttered open, body turning to reach out to you. When he felt that you weren't there, he was suddenly awake. He sat up, putting on his slippers before looking for you. "(Y/n)?" He called out, hoping that you'd answer back. A pit formed in his stomach when he heard silence. "(Y/n)?" His voice was louder now, feet dragging him to every part of your shared apartment, hoping to find you somewhere.

It was no use, you weren't anywhere. He then walked back to your shared bedroom, immediately heading towards your closet. His heart broke when he saw that every single one of your clothes were gone. "What?" He whispered out, eyes not believing what he was seeing. He sat on the floor as he tried to process what was happening, suddenly very aware of the silence that filled the house.

He didn't know where you were, nor what went through your head as you decided to leave without a trace. He then stood up as he grabbed a jacket, ready to look for you despite being late. He headed towards the table in the living room to get his keys but stopped when he saw a letter addressed to him. He carefully picked it up as he sat down, mentally preparing himself as he opened it.

Immediately, he knew it was from you, fingers tracing the familiar handwriting. He knew that you cried as you wrote this, seeing as there were numerous tear stains on the paper. He took a deep breath before reading the paper.

My dearest Wonwoo, If you're reading this then I'm probably already gone. Knowing you, you'd probably look for me but please, don't. Don't waste your energy finding me, seeing as I don't want to be found. Don't contact me as well, Wonwoo, or else my resolve will crumble. I want to say that I love you, truly I do. I love you more than anything in this world, I hope you know. I treasure every memory we have, as well as the smiles you give me and continue to give me. I know how much you love me. There was never a day where you fail to show me just how much you care for me and I truly want to thank you for that. It might seem that I'm leaving you but Wonwoo, I'm not. I just need time. Time to heal, time to love me, time to repair me. You see, I'm sick. I know you've noticed, seeing as you've already seen it so many times. It's hard for me to open up, Wonwoo. I'm disgusted with myself and I know that you know it as well. I can't look at myself the way you do, I can't love myself the way you do. I loathe everything about myself and I know it isn't right. Don't worry about me and focus on your passion. That will make me happy, more than anything. I promise that I will do my best to take care of myself but right now, I just need to heal. I'm looking for a way to do so. I promise one day, I will come back into your arms, my love, and when that day comes, I promise to give back all the love you gave me. I love you.

He didn't notice that he was crying until he saw his tears fall on the paper. His heart ached at your words, already yearning for you despite only leaving. He silently sobbed as he reread the letter over and over again, placing it down to wipe his tears. It was agonizing, the feeling he was currently dealing with but he understood. He understood why you had to do this.

Despite saying not to, he shot you a text, hoping to at least give you the feeling that he was supporting you. To let you know that he would always be here.

I'll always be here waiting for you, my love.

It's been exactly a year since he had seen you and there wasn't a day where he wouldn't think of you. He often wondered how you were doing, if you had been eating right, if you were taking care of yourself or if you'd finally moved on from him. He knows that you were trying your best to recover and he knew that you were coming back to him but in his head were doubts. He trusts you but he can't help but think,

What if you never came back to him?

His heart yearned for you, to be by your side once more. To touch you, to hug you, to show you all the love that you deserve. He wished that you would come back to him but he knew that you needed time, and time is what he will give to you. He opened his phone, seeing your photo with him. He missed how you smiled at him, he missed everything about you.

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his trance, causing him to look at who it was. Seungcheol looked at him with a worried expression, "Yah, It's time to go home."

Wonwoo nodded as he stood up, grabbing his belongings and following their leader out of the venue. He could see his glances from time to time, knowing that Seungcheol was worried about him. Silence enveloped the two of them but he didn't mind, seeing as he appreciated it more than casual talk.

It didn't take long for them to reach their van. He felt a pat on his shoulder, his heart saddening at the sudden comfort. He muttered out a silent thank you before entering the van, his members already inside. He knew that every member knew what today was, seeing as they tried their best to cheer him up. While he appreciated the effort, he couldn't help but yearn for silence. So, when he took a seat, he placed his earphones in, not wanting to be bothered by anyone as he closed his eyes, hoping that once he wakes up, he'll see you.

As he opened the door to his apartment, he couldn't help but notice something different. The house was cleaner than it was before, his clothes were all folded neatly but most importantly, the smell of newly cooked food filled his nose.

He dropped everything he had on him as he ran, ran towards the source, and there you were. You stood in front of the stove, back facing him. He stood there frozen, staring at how you busied yourself with preparing a meal for the both of you. He saw as you turned around, smiling when you noticed that it was only him that stared at you.

"Welcome home, Wonwoo. I'm almost finished here so you can---" Your words were cut off by his sudden embrace, your shoulder getting wet as he buried his head on top of it. A few seconds of stillness passed before feeling your arms circling themselves on his waist, face burying in his chest. He missed your smell, the familiarity of it filling up his heart with warmth.

"I thought you'd never come back to me." He hated how his voice shook, a sense of vulnerability showing itself to you. He felt your hand rub his back, comforting him to the best of his ability.

"I said I'd come back so I will." You removed yourself from his hold, looking up to stare at him. Your hands travelled up, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes. "I'm home, Wonwoo."

He couldn't help but think about how beautiful you were. How your eyes sparkled as you stared at him, how your smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He smiled as he leaned closer, lips meeting as he showed you all the love he can give. As you parted, he can't help but notice the fondness in your eyes, as well as the sound of his heart pounding. He brushed the stray hair on your face before giving you a small peck.

"Welcome home, my love."

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸ There you are beautiful, quietly ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

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lycan-troth · 3 years

Text

Sooo Lucio's route. I got the upright ending. I thought I'd get the reversed one, but as it turned out i did good.

At the start of his route I wasn't really sure about trying to complete it. Because let's face it he isn't great in the other routes.

In particular he was horrendous in Muriel's route. If you haven't started Muriel's then I recommend it, a LOT happens. I've not finished it yet, so no spoilers please. But fuck I hate Lucio SO MUCH in Muriel's route, what he does to Morga (his own mother) actually made me want to cry. That and the hurt it all causes Muriel (and myself) actually feels heavy like wow, either that or it's the undiagnosed mental health problem I share with Muriel showing itself 😬

ANYWAY. I better stop talking about Muriel's route, I'll save that for another post. Back to the blonde himbo we love to hate and hate to love. In his own route the difference is more clear, he doesn't see us as a threat or anything. We end up helping him out unaware of the past because amnesia y'know? I don't remember if Lucio remembers or not, either way he isn't devious and trying to trick us and we help him get a more physical body as the story progresses. Needless to say nobody is happy to find out Lucio is tethered to us

Lucio behaved decently, not gonna lie he was amusing at times. Getting close with his dogs was cute too! I loved how they gradually gravitated to mc it was great. For most of the route we face Lucio's countless past consequences of his actions coming to haunt him, literally

The scene were we end up at the Lazaret was heavy too I think? My memory isn't great ironically. What I do remember is that it was sad seeing how much the realisation of the pain he caused us (death by plague) and perhaps others hurt him. He got very distressed and I felt sorry for him a bit, but he needed to face what he'd done and take accountability.

Once the tone turned less platonic in the route, I was just glad he was being more amusing. Whenever I do the boys' routes I change the pronouns to he/him or they/them to help myself feel more comfortable while playing. In my mind I have different apprentices for almost every route. But it's personal when i play either of the girls routes (like my wife Nadia 🥺🥵 I miss her) I change the pronouns back to she/her for theirs. I'd be nice if there was a she/they option but I'm good with the options they offer us atm.

Lucio is cheeky and more likeable in his own route. We get good dogs. Redeemable Lucio. Lots of helping him face past consequences. Comforting him when he looks like he needs it and us as mc being bad ass. Seriously I felt powerful in this route, Lucio becomes our little hype man without prompting so that was nice.

There was a short time when I thought I'd gotten the reversed ending. Characters started talking about someone needing to replace the devil. I wasn't too sad about it, lesbian or not the concept of Lucio being my devoted dog is a little amusing to me.

But of course at the end I turned the devil to a stone statue along with his monsters? I was having a whale of a time because throughout the whole fight I'd been joking about the devil trying to end the world because of his internalised homophobia. He must have seen all the happy free loving lgbtqa+ peeps and decided his lonely ass was going to "watch the world burn" like Regina George

I felt bad for the Devil honestly, so far we haven't been given a reason behind why he wants to destroy the world. In theory that would also destroy him too as well as the rest of the acarna. So I'm curious about his anger and resentment, maybe it's because everyone keeps trying to lock him up and exclude him? Oooh imagine if the other acarna are the reason why the devil decided to have beef with everything in existence? That would be an interesting twist

Anyway, the ending of Lucio's route was okay. I wasn't the target audience, so maybe for everyone else they might have enjoyed it more. We travel with Lucio going on adventures for money since Lucio gave up being count. His dogs travel with us, when Lucio bought them treats it was oddly wholesome. I was hoping for something a bit more, but I think it fits with his character. Unlike with Nadia in the upright ending where she has gotten married to us, there is no mention of Lucio having married us or anything really. There is a love confession near the end of his route of course, but idk. I was hoping for the wrong thing in the wrong character I guess. Despite that it seems we have a fun and thrilling life with Lucio and the dogs, it's perfect for him and he tries his best. His outfit is similar to the one he used to wear when he was younger, that waist of his is something else.

My favourite elements were the gradual increase of concern Lucio develops for us, the genuine compliments that wasn't meagre flattery and how he started to care for and support us. I don't think I'd play his route again personally, other than to get the reversed ending maybe?

#lucio the goat #lucio x apprentice #the apprentice #the arcana #the arcana game #lucio route #lucio upright route #upright route

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mcyt-amber-tftsmp · 3 years

Text

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐎𝐟 𝐀 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐧 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐲𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝 {𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐛 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫}

Request?: none

Character: Ranbob

Side Character(s): None

Story-type: Romantic

Story Length: 3285 words

AU or Not: eh it's kinda an AU like the four fishermen never came and uh he's been alone for many years on end since NO ONE actually came here. Also yeah ranbob would be a a bit OOC so no hate please!

Time Period: Future duh! Same time as the events of the Lost City of Mizu but you know what doesn't happen.

Plot Summary: Ranbob was basically alone as ever and was just wandering the halls of Mizu until he spots something. No! Someone outside who becomes his friend and later something more.

Small Info: You are a merling but can change into human as well. You are a year younger than Ranbob who is 21.

Keywords:

Y/N = Your Name L/N = Last Name H/C = Hair Color T/C = Tail Color E/C = Eye Color Y/N/N = Your Nickname

Trigger Warning: None

Normal Warning: Cringey writing with cringey plot.

--------------------------------------------------

Ranbob's Point of View~

I sighed roaming the halls of the underwater city which is known as the City of Mizu. I really didn't have many things to do other than stay in my room, read books either from my shelves or the history books written and left by many people who came here before I did.

I passed the room where my idol's statue was. In case anyone is wondering my idol is Dream. Many people at first would think that my idol is Ranboo just because I am his descendant but no. That's where they were very wrong.

I don't really have anything against my ancestor I just don't see much in him that would make him my idol like how Dream is mine. I stared at the statue which was behind the glass. After a few minutes I left.

To be honest, barely anyone came down here to even visit. God knows how long I have been lonely down here. My memory is not that great to be honest but I do remember important things except for small things.

I walked down the hall towards the place I would just stand around waiting if anyone came. Why am I doing this? I am not even sure. After many walks, going up ladders and hallways I reached the place. I am mostly bored out of my mind and I have never went up the ladder to see the sky and the ocean. I sometimes even ask myself as to why I don't even go up when I have nothing to stop me.

As I was thinking I felt someone looking at me from behind. I looked behind me to see no one. I guess I was just imagining things. I looked outside the glass for a few as I mentally debated whether to go up the ladder for fresh air or not.

After a few moments I decided to go up. I took a few deep breaths and started to climb the ladder. I was practically thinking I was going to regret it but I just didn't back down and continued to go up until I reached the stone floors of the entrance.

I climbed up and stood on the stone brick floors as I looked at the opening to see the blue sky and the waves slightly crashing against the tiles. I took a deep breath and let it out. It's been a while I have been up here. I guess it was good I came up or it would have been concerning for me to stay down there for the rest of my life.

As I walked towards the entrance I heard faint humming from somewhere outside. I slowly and carefully walked outside and looked around but I found nothing but when I looked at the corner of the entrance walls I saw something that shocked me.

It was a human girl- okay no! Scratch that! A Merling! She had H/C hair and T/C tail. She had her eyes closed as she was humming to a song. To be honest, she looked pretty- Okay what?! I could feel my face slightly heat up from that thought. Without even thinking I spoke up.

"Who are you?" I blurted out.

This caused her stop humming and snap her eyes open as she looked at me with her E/C eyes. She looked slightly scared and I wouldn't really blame her since people do tend to get slightly scared of me at first.

"I-I a-am sorry i-if I d-disturbed you sir! I-I w-will go a-away now..." I heard her say as she was about to leave but I stopped her.

"Hey hey hey! It's alright. I was just surprised to someone here to be honest. Not many people come here." I said as she looked at me.

"O-oh sorry. Normally people don't like having me around." She said sitting up straight as I sat beside her but close to the water and shook my head.

"It's fine you didn't know." I sighed but it was a bit sad knowing people didn't like having her around.

"In case you are wondering, my name is Ranbob. What's yours?" I asked trying to build a conversation between us and now normally I am not the one for conversations but i didn't really have much to do.

"Oh! My name is Y/N L/N! It's nice to meet you Ranbob." She said as I nodded.

"Likewise." I said.

"So... are you like an enderman or something?" She asked as I nodded.

"Yes but actually I am a half-enderman and I am not really sure about the other half." I said as she looked at me with interest.

"That's pretty cool! I have never really met someone like you to be honest." I heard her say as I chuckled at her excitement.

"Yeah... you could say that I am a pretty uncommon species." I said as I continued. "So you are a merling?"

"I am not really a full merling! I am actually a human who can shapeshift into one." She said which made me feel a bit surprised. "I can show it to you if you like?"

"Yeah sure if it's not too much trouble." I said as she shook her head.

I saw her taking her tail out of the water and on the stone brick as she closed her eyes. After a few minutes her tail disappeared only to be replaced by legs and she was fully clothed into wearing a white T-shirt and knee-length shorts. I could feel the heat rush up on my face but I was able to make it unnoticeable.

"Interesting." I said as she smiled.

"Mhm! I am the only one in my family with this ability. They really don't know about this nor does anyone else where I live." I heard her say and to be honest I am a bit surprised she didn't tell anyone besides me about this.

"How come?" I asked.

"Well... I mean everyone knows that Merlings and shapeshifters exist here and all but no one really likes me and I have no friends there plus my parents could care less about me and doesn't really like having me around so I didn't really say anything." She said.

I felt really bad for her to be honest. I could have related to her fully since I am like alone and crap by being here but of course i haven't really met anyone else besides her and she is pretty nice and a good friend.

"Hey Ranbob? Are we... friends?" I heard her say as I looked at her.

"Yeah we can be, if you want?" I said simply as she nodded eagerly which made me smile. "Do you want me to show you around the City of Mizu?"

"Sure!" She said as she followed towards the entrance.

Third Person Point of View~

You and Ranbob explored the City of Mizu. It was a pretty fun experience as there were many interesting things such as the people who have been known to be good heroes or warriors. It was pretty interesting to learn when it came to Ranbob explaining it.

He was really good at explaining history and other things. He gave a whole tour of the place as you two talked. The place was really elegant and beautifully built. You were pretty much surprised that Ranbob lived alone down here. But now you are here so he won't be lonely anymore.

You could say the Tree Dome was your favorite place of all the other places in the city. It was very pretty and a nice place to sit and talk. It was basically one of the most nature like areas and you like nature a lot more.

After a while, you looked outside of the glass to notice how late it was becoming which meant you had to get home soon.

"Do you have to leave or something?" Ranbob asked as he noticed the girl's expression as she looked outside the glass.

"Yeah I am supposed to be home by now." You said as Ranbob nodded.

"I will escort you outside till the entrance. Come on." He said as you trailed behind him.

After a few minutes you two reached the second entrance and you climbed up the ladder as Ranbob followed behind you. As both of you reached the front entrance, it was already already evening and soon it was going to get dark soon.

"So... when will I see you again?" Ranbob asked as you turned around to look at him.

"I will be coming by tomorrow and the following days so you don't have to worry." You said as you gave him a hug.

Ranbob was slightly taken aback but gradually he hugged back your short figure. It was something he could most likely tease you about.

"Alright I will see you tomorrow shortie." He said slightly teasing you which made you puff you cheeks in embarrassment and annoyance.

"Hey! I am not that short! You are just tall!" You said as he slightly laughed at your reaction.

"Alright whatever you say." He playfully said to you as he slightly smirked. You blushed at this and gave him a quick kiss on his right cheek.

"Bye Ranbob!" You said as you changed into a merling and dove into the ocean.

Ranbob just stood there as he was blushing purple after you kissed him on the cheek. He brushed the feeling off and headed back inside. He couldn't wait for you to come back tomorrow. It was good to have someone to talk to.

Y/N's Point of View~

I swam as fast as possible towards my home. As I swam I remembered how I just kissed Ranbob on the cheek which made face go all red at the thought. Did I really think of him as just a friend? I just brushed off the feeling as I finally reached home and looked around to see of the coast was clear.

When I saw no one was around I got up on shore and shifted back into a human and sprinted towards my house. Luckily I reached home after being five minutes late. I was hoping my parents weren't going to be angry at me for this.

As I opened the door to my house, I was greeted by my parents who looked irritated. I hated that look. They don't abuse me or anything, they just don't like the idea of me being alone with anyone. One of the many reasons I couldn't even get to live on my own.

"Where were you?" My mother asked with a bit of sternness.

"I was just exploring and walking around the place. I lost track of time a bit." I partially lied which I was glad they bought.

"Alright. We will let it slide for now but be on time from now on." My father said as I nodded and went towards my room.

I don't really talk to them after my first boyfriend incident. They thought that I was lying when I told them that he was just using me but they always said that he was a sweet boy and crap and then they just started to ignore me and forbid me from going near any guys. This was six years ago and they used to care about me until this happened.

I just lie down on my bed and try to fall asleep. I don't really feel that hungry so I just sleep. It's not like they care if I eat or not. At least I am able to eat that's one thing. Though I just want to make the night go by fast so I can visit Ranbob tomorrow. The thought of him made me feel butterflies in my stomach and it hasn't even been a day that I have met him. I just let the feeling go and fell asleep.

Timeskip to Morning~

I woke up early as I usually do. I showered, dressed up and made myself breakfast. My parents were asleep as usual. Normally they don't like seeing me in the morning during breakfast so I just quickly eat and leave the house for the day either eating outside for lunch or just swim in the ocean in my merling form.

I quickly left the house and closed the door slowly and softly so they don't wake up by a huge sound and went towards the beach. As I arrived, I saw that no one was here which was good. I ran towards the ocean and when I saw how far I was form shore I quickly changed into my Merling form and went straight for Mizu.

As I came close to Mizu, I saw Ranbob already there sitting on the stone floor. I smiled and quickly headed over. As I did, Ranbob noticed me almost instantly and smiled.

"Hello." He said.

"Hey! I hope I didn't keep you waiting." I said as he shook his head.

"No. I just came over here like a few seconds ago so you are good." He said.

"That's good!" I said as we started to talk.

Third Person Point of View~

This of course went on for days. Y/N and Ranbob became very good friends and at this point they had realized that they don't like each other just as friends but more but both of them were scared thinking they were going to ruin their friendship and make it awkward.

Y/N would of course return home before curfew but she still didn't get well with her family. Plus she was planning on moving away and she didn't care if her parents didn't allow her to. She already had enough of them forcing her to stay with them when they never even cared for her after that incident six years ago with her ex.

She of course still visited Ranbob until one day, Ranbob was sitting on the stone floor as usual waiting for Y/N but he noticed that she wasn't here yet and normally she would come after a few seconds he was here waiting for her.

"Where is she...?" He muttered to himself as he waited looking around.

He didn't think of it much. It didn't really matter to him if you were a few minutes late or not. But those minutes turned into an hour. At this point he got slightly worried. He still waited till it became night time.

He could tell that you were not coming for the day which of course made him upset but he didn't blame you. He sighed and got up from the cold floor as he headed inside and down the ladder to his room. He just hoped you were okay.

Next Day~

Ranbob woke up the next day at his usual timing. She could tell that Y/N would be coming today, hopefully. After he got all dressed up and ready, he went up the ladder and outside of the entrance only to hear faint crying which made his eyes go wide as he went outside and noticed Y/N sitting outside hugging her knees as her her head was buried between them.

"Y/N...?" He spoke up which made Y/N lift her head and turn around to see it was Ranbob.

She instantly got up and hugged him still crying softly. This broke Ranbob a bit. Seeing her crying was the last thing she wanted. If this had something to do with her parents, he seriously wasn't going to hesitate to kill them off for doing this to her.

He hugged her as he rubbed her back as to comfort her. This of course helped her calm down a bit as her crying slowly stopped. At this point one part of his jacket was wet but he didn't really care much about it at all.

"I-I am sorry..." He heard her say.

"Please don't be sorry. I understand if you couldn't visit me yesterday. You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to." Ranbob said as Y/N shook her head.

"No... I do want to." She said to him wiping her face with her hands.

She explained how she went up to her parents saying that she was going to move out of their house which her parents didn't take too well and this lead to many disagreements and yelling and arguments until they gave up on her saying to do what she wanted to do and that they were not their daughter anymore.

Ranbob could feel the anger bubbling up but he slowly calmed himself down as he held onto Y/N. The only thing he could do right now was comfort her in anyway possible. He couldn't believe her parents right now for doing this. As he was thinking he heard Y/N speak up.

"R-Ranbob...?" He heard her say in a slight whisper.

"Yeah?" He said matching the same tone.

"C-can I ask you s-something?" She asked as she felt him nod.

"Anything." He responded.

"I-is it wrong that I... love you more than a friend...?" she asked him which left him in shock.

"She loves me...?" Ranbob thought as he looked at her.

"Why do you think it's wrong?" He asked her as she stayed silent for a bit then started to speak.

She talked about how her ex was using her and everything and because of this her parents thought she was lying and everything so this was a reason they stopped caring about her and neglected her for six years. Ranbob listened to every bit of her story.

"I just don't want to be used to be used again and-" before she could say anything else she felt a pair of lips crash against hers.

It took Y/N a few seconds to process what happened until she kiss him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss lasted for a good minute till they parted away for breath. They were both blushing messes right now. Ranbob cupped her cheeks and brought his forehead onto hers.

"Y/N/N. I want to let you know that I love you a lot and I would never use you. I love you for you and nothing can change that." Ranbob spoke out.

Y/N couldn't help but smile at these words. She happily hugged Ranbob again and said, "I Love you too Ran." which Ranbob smiled at her and hugged her back once more. Y/N was nothing more than happy to be with him.

Ranbob was her warmth. Y/N was his cure.

One things for sure.

She was finally home.

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#ranbob #ranbob x reader #ranbob x you #ranbob x y/n #tales from the smp #lost city of mizu #oneshots #fluff

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jade-doodles-questionmark · 3 years

Text

On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza

Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.

there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.

it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.

More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:

Angelica:

what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.

In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part).

Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander.

I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.

I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).

She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.

Alexander:

I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.

I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.

To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.

Eliza:

Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”.

ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either.

The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more.

i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all.

unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol.

side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.

Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks!

if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit

#hamilton #alexander hamilton #hamliza #eliza schuyler #eliza hamilton #Angelica Schuyler #hamgelica #the schuyler sisters #character analysis #long post #*cough* Excuse me my lit major is showing #jades weird ideas

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shrimpanalysis · 4 years

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SIMON LAURENT ANALYSIS

Simon is mostly known infamously as the Villain of this season and a murderer to boot. He seems to be very insistent about his own opinions and beliefs. Going so far as to outright deny other peoples attempts at correcting him.

Due to this he is seen as narrowed-minded and egotistical, outwardly hating being wrong and giving people this intellectual leverage over him but internally rethinking all of his views. His inferiority complex I mean pride- is what I think to be one of the major factors that causes his character regression.

His pride (No, not the group of lions) is shown throughout the season by holding his ground. Most people interpret it as him being close minded at adamant to his own beliefs but I feel like the beliefs are only the basis to his inferiority.

An example, his own hatred towards Nulls. This can be quite a weak link to bring up as everyone in the Apex has this belief. However, the way he continuously reacts to them despite them showing humanity to him as compared to Grace who has gradually seen the other side of them and starts to understand and develop meaningful relationships with them-

Simon reacts negatively the nicer the nulls are to him.(Tuba’s death)

I interpret this as his own damaged pride, he hates being wrong and the more he is proven wrong the more angry he would get. This fear of being wrong could stem from past experiences of being the butt of arguments and made a fool out of it.

Him experiencing these feelings brings himself to adopt this mentality that other people are perceiving him as an idiot or a fool, causing him to try to justify his beliefs as much as he can in order to victimize himself into thinking that everyone is against him and he is the only one that is right to boost his self-esteem which causes him to adopt this narcissistic and manipulative persona to hide his own weaknesses.

(Simon looks away from Grace displaying emotion, he would be more susceptible to mirroring the reactions of his closest friend and he does not want to show weakness.)

Due to his narcissism, he also displays what the viewers might perceive to be a lack of empathy. He does not display much compassion and can be outright apathetic to other people's circumstances, Such as his dismissal to Hazel bringing along Tuba despite her looking clearly distressed when they said she couldn't bring her and completely ignores her feelings about the subject.

He perhaps reacts this way due to his own internalized hatred of himself and displaying compassion would be showing a less hardened in his eyes as he is perhaps taught from a young age that being sensitive or vulnerable is showing weakness and he does not want people to think less of him.

Him being unempathetic also stems from his ego and beliefs as he usually displays this attribute towards Nulls specifically throughout the show which is because if he was indeed wrong about Nulls, it could cause him to start questioning his own feelings about them which is something he does not want to think about as it conflicts with his own victim complex.

Due to him not wanting to be more exposed emotionally, he lashes out in anger. Anger at himself that he projects onto his relationships with others as he is unable to understand and handle his emotions effectively, this can be caused by not having a stable guardian like figure to help him through such issues.

Simon is also shown to outwardly control his anger by kicking and punching objects.

This is shown to be counter productive as it does not allow the person to understand where their anger is coming from and only prides a temporary outlet for his aggression.

His aggressive personality can also be shown in his interest with making war replicas/models.

This can be taken as him being someone who likes being in control and feels like conflict is the only way to progress which can be found in his own toxic relationship with grace where he tries to control her, not knowing that she is her own person which ties into his lack of empathy. This trait is especially shown almost at the end of the series where he commands the Apex like a leader and donning a military general like coat.

His inability to cope with his own emotions and expressing them outwardly to others is the main reason for his attachment issues.

His own paranoia and lack of trust in Grace by invading her memories when she doesn't tell him that Hazel is a Null which shows us how Grace knows his aggressiveness and acts very secretive around him as she predicts he is going to blow up when he finds out.

Him finding this out himself causes even more hurt as he is hit with the realization the only person that he thinks that ever cares about him has betrayed him. He is alone now, a reminder of the time when Samantha left him behind.

And it angers him and forces him to project his sadness as vengeance against others such as manipulating grace and using her memories against her, causing her to be stuck in her own memories as Simon just walks away.

Put yourself in Simon's shoes, you are stuck in an unfamiliar environment,

no idea where to go and the only parental figure you trusted in this whole place was just using you for her own self interest and

your closest friend seems to be tip toeing around you.

You also feel like everyone is out to get you and that your flawed beliefs are wrong but it was the basis of keeping you sane throughout.

Not wanting to believe that any of these things happened to you, you disregard all emotion and lash out at others because you don't want to feel that any of these things are real.

It sounds like a fever dream doesn't it?

Congratulations, you are basically in denial.

I would say the beauty of Simon's portrayal in season three would definitely be the lack of context behind his actions. He is very easy to dismiss as a one sided evil character. (I don't deny it, he is one.) Due to this we don't really see him as a fleshed out individual and he feels like the Tom Riddle of the season.(slowly devolving into a villain.) His own deterioration into this ultimate descent to becoming a murderer and attempting to murder his childhood friend; the instances to solidify his own inferiority complex (the mentality of "Grace already perceives me as an evil character, what use is there to better myself when it's already too late?") Which is what I think to be the cause of his inevitable demise.

I doubt it is going to happen but I do wish that the next book will cover some parts of Simon's past. He isn't a redeemable character, and never has been. He is someone molded by his own upbringing that we do not see, the most integral parts of his development. Many people have made the comparison that Simon had just as many chances as Grace, if not more to redeem himself.

I feel like he does not need chances, he needs to build himself from the ground up and truly look deep into himself and figure out why is he acting this way. None of these chances provide him with that opportunity and this is where him and Grace deviate.

The train has improved Grace and supported much of her character development as shown in the series where he becomes more empathetic, more trusting and open to others such as Hazel and confronting her own demons in her own mind.

She also finally manages to stick up for herself after the emotional roller coaster Simon put her through.

Simon on the other hand, uses this opportunity on the train to cause much destruction and chaos. He has a disconnect with the plane of reality inside the train as opposed to real life and this stunts his development. In my opinion this would be due to the faults of the train and the limitations of the amount of people that it can help. Yes, some people get off the train and become better. People like Tulip, Jessie and Lake. But we don't really see the people that the system has failed. This is where Simon comes in, he is the very person that the train has failed and it shows how counter intuitive it is with the limited opportunities and the disregard for the different circumstances of the people in it, bundling them together.

I doubt Simon will be the first, or the last passenger to be ruined by the whole system. I do like how his character gives us an insight into something not many of us have thought of before that is; how can a train be designed to be so perfect that it can help every single person on board? It is impossible. Even Artificial Super Intelligence like One-One would have trouble doing so. Which can represent how people can only change if they want to, and if they genuinely don't they have to be stuck the feedback loop of hell.

_____________________________________________________________

Big thanks to my homeboy @useful-crew-too for supplying all of the screenshots for this analysis

#infinity train #infinity train book 3 #infinity train analysis #simon laurent #shrimp analysis

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octo-cutie · 3 years

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I Know It’s Today

Pairing: Royal AU Daichi x f!reader Warnings: None Rating: PG (Hooliganism via Y/N, some bullying of Daichi from Kuroo and Bokuto) Summary: Y/N is a lonely princess whose only friend is her knight Daichi. Y/N dreams of meeting her prince and spends hours telling Daichi about everything she imagines her prince to be. Daichi however knows her to be his princess in more ways then one. When her dreams seem to become a reality Daichi learns a hard truth but makes an astonishing discovery.

Daichi had first met Y/N when she was seven and he was eleven. His parents had moved him away from their home country of Miyagi to Tokyo for him to enroll in the Tokyo Knight Program.

Y/N had immediately requested that he be her knight when she met him for the first time.

“You’re my friend now! Come on let’s go read in the library!” Y/N had explained dragging Daichi out of the throne room and through the castle to what she called her “secret place”

It was here that Daichi learned of Y/N’s belief that there was a prince out there for her.

“You know Snow White right? Well she bit an apple and fell into a coma! I don’t even know how she got her prince but then one day he just shows up and they get married! Soon that’s going to be me! In only....” Y/N counted on her fingers for a few minutes as Daichi thumbed over the Big Book of Fairytales that Y/N was incredibly attached too. The dogeared leather bound book was aging and looked as though it had been thoroughly loved.

Did she like reading as much as he did? Did she like adventuring? Maybe she would grow to be more than just a princess and be his friend.

“Probably like 8,423 days or something!” Y/N said starling Daichi.

“What?”

“That’s probably how many days it’s gonna take for me to meet my prince!”

Daichi felt a weight pool in his stomach as Y/N continued to talk about her prince. It hurt him in a way he couldn’t really explain but since he was eleven, he didn’t think much of it.

Y/N and Daichi soon became incredibly close friends. When Y/N wasn’t in school, or working on one of her extracurriculars she and Daichi could be found exploring the entire castle, and the town outside.

Daichi learned that Y/N couldn’t speak the Outsider Tongue but she knew the Language of Flowers.

She had no idea what 8 times 6 was but she could name every constellation and how far away their brightest star was from Earth.

When she wasn’t sitting perfectly poised on her throne for a family portrait, she was messing up her skirts and knees in the trees with Daichi as they played make believe and captured bad guys and saved princesses. Daichi ended up being the princess more often than not.

But every moment they spent together made up the best of his childhood memories. The happiness of them outweighed the idea that one day Daichi would loose her to a prince.

Like Y/N had said;

Something like 8,423 days.

________________________________________________________________

“DAICHI!!!!”

Y/N’s voice echoed down the hallway as she ran as fast as she could in 4 layers of clothing, a corset, heels, and a tiara. Daichi’s eyes widened as the blur of blues and golds slammed into him knocking the two of them on the floor. As respectfully as he could, Daichi untangled the two of them and helped his princess stand up.

“Please be careful! You could have hurt yourself.” Daichi explained as Y/N stuck her tongue out at him and flounced down the hallway. Daichi quickly followed her as Y/N began to explain what she had chased him down for.

“Never mind me getting hurt! Guess what! Father told me that I’m going to be a real princess soon!” Y/N exclaimed clapping her hands together as Daichi held the door to her room open for her.

“But you are a real princess?” Daichi asked confused as Y/N’s face blushed heavily while twirling a strand of their h/c hair around her finger.

“No silly! A real princess! There’s a prince who’s coming to meet me and Father is planning a ball! And it’s only 58 days away! ” Y/N explained jumping onto her bed and kicking her shoes off and crawling over to a giant book on the opposite side of the bed. Daichi felt a awkward twisting of his gut as he followed suit and sat on the queen sized bed with her as she opened up the giant book to the story of Rapunzel.

“See Rapunzel’s like me! She’s in a tower with long flowing hair but she’s not allowed to leave or go anywhere. So she sings but I probably sing better than her!” Y/N proclaimed while puffing her cheeks out. Daichi felt the weird feeling arise in his belly again. Was he sick or something? Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to allow Kuroo and Bokuto to challenge him to an eating contest last night. Y/N had begun to sing about witches and millionaires. Daichi didn’t realize it but his face had erupted in a goofy grin and a very quaint blush.

“And of course he’ll be here soon! Because all princesses get their prince one day! No matter who he is!” Y/N cheered loudly as she engulfed Daichi in a hug giggling. Daichi couldn’t help but let the feeling take over his body as Y/N snuggled into Daichi’s arms as she read the rest of Rapunzel out loud to the young knight.

When Takeda approached the two children to whisk Y/N away for her etiquette lessons, he found them cozied up asleep with the book open on Daichi’s lap. This had been a cute endeavor when they were seven and eleven respectively but now they were far to old to participate in such things.

“Daichi! How could you fall asleep when the princess is in your care! Get back to the barracks for the remainder of the day!” He snapped pulling Daichi out of her room and pushing him down the hallway. Daichi hung his head in shame as he walked down the castle corridors and out towards the knights barracks.

When he walked into the barracks low whistles came from Kuroo’s bunk. Daichi rolled his eyes and took a seat at a table with a grumpy look on his face.

“So I guess you heard about the prince who’s coming to court our sweet sweet princess, Y/N.” Kuroo chuckled nudging Bokuto in the ribs who laughed along with him.

“Shut up.” Daichi said banging his head on the table.

“Yeah and you know this means we have to go to the ball too! Maybe I’ll get to dance with Y/N!” Bokuto mused with a dream like tone. Daichi felt the uncomfortable feeling once again in his stomach and it was now that he realized what it was. Abruptly he stopped banging his head against the table and the snickers began to arise once again.

“Ah it looks as if the crow boy knows why he’s been blushing since he walked in here!” Terushima called from his bunk where he was hanging upside down.

It was at this moment that Daichi realized he was in deep trouble.

Time sure had sped up from 8,423 days to just 58...

________________________________________________________________

Daichi saw less and less of Y/N as she was busy preparing for her suitor to arrive. In this time, Y/N turned sixteen and had a small birthday gathering. Daichi hadn’t been able to see her at all that day and had learned he was being taken in by one of the older Knights for his real training leaving even less time to spend with Y/N.

In a span of less than six months, the ball was underway and Daichi was fretting as he stood outside the doors along with Kuroo as a body guard. Subconsciously he had plastered a grimace on his face as he waited for the arrival of Y/N’s suitor to appear. It was his job to escort the prince to Y/N and accompany him as long as he courted Y/N. Daichi couldn’t wait for this entire ordeal to be over. In the sea of people Daichi watched Takeda’s head bob up and down guiding the suitor towards him.

“Ah! Here he is. Daichi let me introduce you to your-”

“Suga?”

“Daichi?”

The long lost friends embraced happily with large smiles. Dachi’s family had sent him of to the kingdom of Miyagi for knight training while Suga’s family ruled over the kingdom of Tokyo. It had been a somber parting and the two had gradually lost contact. But now that they had reunited Daichi momentarily forgot that Suga was here to court Y/N.

“Well! I’m glad you two are acquainted! Now, Daichi you’ll be escorting Suga around the castle until he and Y/N are promised to each other on her 18th birthday.”

And the shoe dropped right on Daichi’s head. And kicked his heart into overload.

“Yes sir. I am in your service Your Highness.” Daichi said with a small bow to Suga who blushed lightly at the mention of Y/N. With that Takeda took his leave and Suga pulled Daichi up from his bow.

“Daichi don’t bow to me. We’ve known each other for years.” Suga said. Daichi laughed, scratching the back of his head and gestured for Suga to follow him.

“So... You’re going to court Y/N?” Daichi asked after the two had walked in silence. If there was one thing that Daichi remembered, Suga preferred the quiet before the storm.

“Yeah, I’m excited to meet her. Apparently this has been arranged since our births.” Suga said as they passed a portrait of the Miyagi Royal Family. Daichi watched as his long time friend let his eyes linger on Y/N’s face.

“So if you marry her will you be moving here?” Daichi asked with a shred of hope in his voice. Suga shook his head.

“Nope, Y/N would move back to Tokyo with me. Of course her hand maidens would come with her but she would be given new body guards and the like once we return home.” Suga explained with a sad smile as though he knew what Daichi was thinking inside his head.

“Oh no I was just you know wondering.” Daichi coughed into his armor as an excuse. His heart was doing backflips over a burning fire as he thought about Suga’s words.

“You’d probably go with us. After all you are her personal body guard as well as mine.” Suga said turning away from the portrait and back towards Daichi’s face. “Alright I am hungry! Sneak me into the party Daichi!”

With a laugh Suga set off leaving Daichi bewildered by his friends actions. Hurriedly he followed his friend who was idly chatting about all the things Daichi had missed out on seeing that he was now in Tokyo and not Miyagi. But all that went through Daichi’s head was the frantic notion that he could one day be split up from Y/N...

What would he even do with out her?

________________________________________________________________

“Now presenting! The Crown Prince of Miyagi: Koushi Sugawara!” the announcer proclaimed as Suga walked down the red carpet towards the Tokyo Royal Family; the King, his seconf wife, and Y/N all of whom were seated on their thrones waiting for him. Daichi walked at his side his eyes never leaving the third and smallest throne that sat before him.

Y/N said with her h/c hair perfectly brushed and cascading down her back. Her e/c eyes looked fondly at Suga with the same eyes that she held looking for her prince. Dressed in a dusty rose ball gown made of luscious satin Y/N tucked a strand of hair behind her face as her s/c cheeks broke out in a faint blush to match the ornate flower crown she wore in her hair.

She was beautiful...

It was the same pair of eyes Daichi wore when he looked at the princess every day. Eyes that didn’t belong on him, nor to him. Eyes he would lose once the festivities of the engagement were over.

“Your majesties.” Suga said with a respectable bow. The king snapped his fingers and a fourth throne was brought out directly to the side of Y/N. Daichi knew his place was right behind the fourth throne to protect Suga in case anything were to happen. Behind Y/N, Kuroo stood with a wide smirk plastered on his face as Daichi stood next to him.

“So now you’re taking care of her fiancé? This must be kicking your ass so badly right now.” Kuroo whispered, the mockery flowing through each word.

“Kuroo I swear to god if you don’t shut up. I will kick your ass.” Daichi muttered, his eyes now stuck on the now intertwined pinkies of Y/N and Suga. Kuroo matched his gaze and his smirk grew wider.

“I doubt it.” He whispered again and straightened himself. Daichi huffed under his breath and watched as the ball began with the King’s address about the strengthening of kingdoms through marital unity or something. Daichi merely tuned the words out as he watched Suga and Y/N play around with their fingers intertwined almost as if their were talking to each other.

The kings speech continued and Daichi grew restless watching Y/N and Suga mingle their hands together like the snakes in the forests outside. It irked him. That was something Y/N used to to with him when she was nervous but now with Suga, it looked entirely comfortable.

“And with that I know our union, the Land of Japan will grow stronger with every passing generation. But for now let us commence the engagement with this ball and all the enticing festivities!” The king boomed and with a wide sweep of his arm gestured to the prince and princess. Suga beamed at his bride to be and took her hand leading Y/N to the dance floor. The majestic gown that draped Y/N left a waterfall effect as the two began their dance

Each twist and turn matched the pattern that Daichi’s heart wove for himself. Gradually many other couples joined them on the dance floor and gradually Daichi lost sight of the silver prince and his partner. He kept a look out for the shades of silver and dusty rose yet the colors of red, black, gold, ivory and every color imaginable clouded his vision and obscured the girl from sight.

But Daichi watched the like guard dog he was trained to be. He stood watch for the many hours that Y/N occupied the floor sometimes with Suga, other times with her father, her mother, and with other princesses or princes. Something that he would never experience by nature of his station.

But he could pretend for one night that it was him on the dance floor leading Y/N around the dance floor like they had when they were younger.

________________________________________________________________

Daichi yawned to himself as he dressed in his usual uniform. He had taken up the late night shifts of guarding Y/N and Suga until they separated to their chambers for the night. Now since Daichi had been assigned to guard Suga it wasn’t like he wouldn’t see Y/N. No in fact he would see her at all hours of the day since Suga was determined to learn everything about her.

If Daichi wasn’t mistaken Suga and Y/N would be taking their day in the gardens. A perfect place for the two of them seeing as it was the one place that Y/N was truly at home and Suga came from a kingdom in the country. A planted prince for a wildflower princess.

Daichi snagged a sandwich from the table in the barracks and made his way into the dining room of the castle where the two royals were enjoying breakfast together. The outfit that Y/N was dressed in was a lilac pair of overalls with a white cardigan. Atop her h/c head she wore a beautiful sun hat adorned with purple butterflies and tied off with a white ribbon.

“Suga I’m surprised with you! For a country prince you know nothing of the flowers!” Y/N giggled as she sipped her morning tea. It was jasmine tea brewed with no sugar and served in traditional china. Daichi knew the recipe by heart and it was one of many trivial things he had memorized about her.

“Well even a country bumpkin like me, we don’t produce many flowers! Most of our soil is made to produce fruits and vegetables.” Suga explained sipping his own tea. Clearing his throat, Daichi made himself known

“Excuse me your highnesses but I am here to escort you to the gardens.” Daichi said with a small bow. Y/N shot up and Suga followed as Daichi led the two of them out into the open air.

Daichi watched as Y/N grabbed Suga’s hand and led him around the flower beds stopping occasionally to point out a flower and explain its meaning. Lilacs, Sunflowers, Primroses, Camellias, and the like. Every flower bed was planted personally by Y/N and they where her prized possession.

Well besides her fairytale book. Daichi wondered if she had showed it to Suga yet...

“Tell me what your favorite flower in this garden is.” Suga asked giving her hand a squeeze. Y/N’s face lit up and off she dragged the prince to a secluded area in the garden where a haphazard bush of pink tinted white roses

“The bridal rose represents happy love. I’ve been growing this species of flower since my 12th birthday. It represents the type of love I hope that we’ll have together.” Y/N expressed with a blush as she took Suga’s hands in hers. Daichi’s breath hitched as he watched the two royals joining their lips together ever so gently. He turned away to give them some privacy but to his dismay he turned to face the daffodils.

It was rather ironic.

Daichi avoided the eyes of his friends for the remainder of the day. He ignored the laughter and lilted voices as they parted ways for the evening. Daichi held his mouth pressed in a firm line as both he and Suga entered the royal guest chambers.

“Daichi I can feel you glaring at my neck and it’s starting to hurt. What is it?” Suga asked breaking Daichi’s death glare behind him.

“Oh uh... It’s nothing just not feeling to well.” Daichi mumbled not ceasing his glare at the man.

“Could it be you don’t feel well because of my being here?” Suga asked sitting on the side of his bed and pulling at the sleeve of his shirt quietly. Daichi sighed and ran a hand through his hair attempting to figure out how to lie his way out of this. Suga was his best friend and Y/N’s fiancé.

The two of them were royals.

Daichi was a knight.

The moment anyone other than his “brothers” found out he would be done for. Besides being stripped of his knighthood, it would a miracle to not be banished by the king. This entire ordeal was egregious and it would end up with him losing everything he was and everyone he loved. Daichi would be labeled a traitor for “abusing” his power as Y/N’s bodyguard.

There was no excuse for the look that was on Suga’s face. It was a look of understanding. A look of acknowledgement.

When Daichi opened his mouth to speak Suga held his hand up to stop him.

“Daichi I think I know what you’re about to say and I’m going to say it for you if you don’t mind. You’re overwhelmed. By my presence, by having to watch Y/N get married, by having to push your feelings down for her to keep her happy. It’s pretty obvious.” Suga said with a sad smile.

Panic washed over Daichi. Suga knew and he’d been found out. Now Suga would probably rat him out to the king.

“Wait Suga no... That’s not why-” Rather than letting him finish, Suga chucked his boot at him.

“Daichi don’t lie to me. Like I said it’s obvious.” Suga explained as he walked over to help Daichi up from where he had fallen.

“Y/N is beautiful. She’s very kind, extremely driven, overly earnest, and fairly spirited. Everything that you are and what the stars describe you to be. It would be wrong of me to impede on this childhood love that you have with her.” Suga said looking his friend in the eye. Daichi couldn’t help but gape like a fish at how quickly Suga had read into his false emotions.

“But I can’t. She’s a princess and I’m a knight. It’s not as if I can just mosey on up to the king and ask him for Y/N’s hand. I’d be banished immediately.” Daichi snapped pushing past Suga and towards a cushioned chair in the corner where he sat with his face shoved in his hands.

“Do you know what her dream is?” Daichi whispered as his traitorous tears stung his eyes and painted his cheeks. Suga shook his head.

“Her dream is to find her prince who will give her a beautiful marriage and a happy life. A prince. I’m not a prince and I never will be but I’ve stayed with her helping her to find him because I love her. I love her so god damn much.” Daichi mumbled from behind his hands.

It was too much after that. Years worth of embarrassed sobs wracked through Daichi’s body as he broke down in front of Suga who was destined to be with Y/N. Suga’s comforting nature took over and he moved towards his friend with a handkerchief and a soothing circular motion on his back. Soon Daichi’s sobs turned to quiet hiccups.

“I’ve given her everything I can and I will give her whatever she needs or wants for the rest of my life when you two get married. I’m sorry Suga but when you guys get married I won’t be able to stop loving her.” Daichi said removing his hands from his face and looking at Suga. Suga nodded quietly and hummed to himself.

“I understand. And I will not fault you for that.” Suga explained. A couple more minutes of them sitting in silence eventually let their eyes wander to the sun which had set completely behind the mountains.

“I’m deeply sorry for my conduct this evening Suga.” Daichi apologized with a low bow. Suga picked him up and gave him a pat on the back.

“Don’t worry about it. We’re friends and it’s important to express things. You’re dismissed for the night Daichi.” Suga said with a gentle smile.

And with that Daichi left the room towards the barracks for a long night of contemplating the rest of the month that would ensue before Y/N was lost to Suga.

_______________________________________________________________

“Daichi you need to wake up now.”

Kuroo slapped him awake with a pillow causing Daichi to shoot up and smack his head on the lower bunk.

“’s going on?” Daichi mumbled groggily rubbing the spot his head had smacked.

“I’m not sure but there’s an issue in the castle with Y/N. You have to go NOW.” Kuroo said with a pale look on his normally suave face.

Upon hearing Y/N’s name, Daichi threw himself out of bed and hastily pulled his uniform on. He was hopping out of the barracks pulling one boot on as he heard the shrieks and violent cries of Y/N echoing from her open window which was at least half a mile away.

Daichi’s heart kicked into overdrive and he shot off towards the castle on foot. With every rise and fall of his chest his worries for Y/N grew as her anguished sobs rang out through the air. What on Earth had happened???

Finally reaching Y/N’s room he knocked on the door frantically.

“Y/N are you in there??” He called in a worried tone.

A resounding shriek gave him an answer and Daichi kicked the door open to see Y/N’s trashed room and a tear-stricken Y/N.

“HE LEFT DAICHI! SUGA IS GONE!” Y/N wailed throwing herself into her friend. Daichi noticed that Y/N was fully dressed but her makeup was ruined and her hair was a complete mess. Clearly she had been planning on going somewhere with Suga but the plans had changed last minute.

“What?” Daichi asked absolutely confused. Y/N sobbed into his chest, occasionally hiccupping and emitting sniffles.

“Suga left me Daichi. He said he didn’t want to get married and left this morning. And everything was going so well! Why did- why did he leave me?!” Y/N cried. Daichi embraced Y/N rubbing her back as she choked on her words. Suddenly she pushed away from him; an angry aura radiating off her as she stalked towards her Fairytale book and opened it up to the Cinderella story.

“There’s a princess. ANY PRINCESS! Take your pick their all like me. But not exactly because I’m still waiting and they all live happily ever after! I don’t want to wait anymore!” Y/N said ripping the title page of the Cinderella chapter out fo the book.

Daichi’s heart dropped. Y/N loved that book more than anything in the world why was she destroying it?!

“Y/N stop please-”

“I’m just as good as these princesses! Let’s get rid of the villains and the vamping! No more perils! No more pitfalls! We don’t live near the ocean so I don’t need a whale!” More and more pages were ripped out of the book and torn to shreds by the angry princess.

“Am I a monster?! Do I have a curse to be unloved?! It had a good intro but clearly there’s only verses from here on out!” Y/N roared picking up her book and hurling it at the window where it shattered the glass upon contact. Daichi looked in horror at the usually happy and bubbly woman he had come to love destroy everyt

“I’M SO SICK OF ALL THE WAITING! ‘Just wait for him Y/N!’ ‘You’ll get your happy end!’ BUT ALL I’VE BEEN DOING FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE IS WAITING FOR MY PRINCE!” Y/N screamed throwing her balcony door open and storming outside. Daichi followed her quickly racking his brain trying to figure out how to calm her down.

Y/N had thrown herself against the balcony and was sobbing into her arms.

“Are you even there God?! It’s me Y/N! You know, the princess that you’ve screwed over?!” Y/N howled out to the wind before closing her mouth and looking out into her garden where all her flowers seemed to mock her. Glaring at the offending plants Y/N shot up and towards the flowers

“STUPID FLOWERS! I HA-AHHHH!!!”

Y/N’s body toppled over the balcony with a loud cry. Daichi surged forward to grab her wrists before she fell completely.

“Daichi help me please!” Y/N cried terrified tears now streaming down her face. Daichi began to worry as he struggled to pull her up and over the balcony. While he was rather strong, the combined dead weight of a dangling body and several pounds of fabric were not helping him in anyway shape or form.

“I’m trying Y/N! Please for the love of God hold on!” He warbled before sucking in a deep breath. With a loud groan Daichi pulled Y/N safely onto the balcony falling backwards onto the marble flooring with her snugly in his arms.

“I’m so sorry Daichi I didn’t mean t-” Y/N was cut off from her apologies by Daichi’s lips on hers. The hesitation that she had for a half-second shattered Daichi’s heart but once he felt the weight of her lips on his he knew she meant it.

When Daichi pulled back he sat the two of them up and looked deep into Y/N’s glistening e/c orbs.

“Y/N I love you. Plain and simple, I do. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you and I’ll love you until my dying breath. I’m not a prince. I’m most definitely not royalty. I can’t give you everything that you’re accustomed too but please. Let me ask for your hand in marriage and I will give you all of me.” Daichi begged bringing their foreheads together.

“I can’t tell you how many times you’ve crossed my mind. The countless nights I’ve lost sleep dreading the day that I’d lose you to a prince. Even if you did get married I’d follow you to protect you. That’s my job. But I’ll never stop loving you.” He finished closing his eyes and waiting for the inevitable push of Y/N’s hands as she yelled for the other guards to save her from him.

Instead he was blessed with Y/N’s hand intertwining with his with her other hand picking his face up.

“It’s true. I want a prince and you are not one.” Y/N started. “But you’ve been everything that the fairytale princes were to their princesses. You’ve saved my life like a brave knight would. And right now I think that’s what I’ve wanted my entire life. A knight to protect and love me.” Y/N said placing another kiss on Daichi’s lips and embracing him in a hug.

“Thank you. For not only being my friend and body guard, but hopefully my husband too. Yes Daichi. I will marry you!” She said happily. This time it was Daichi’s turn to cry as he matched her embrace hugging her tightly. The two of them sat holding each other like it was the last time they ever would.

Eventually the two of them fell asleep to the sounds of each others heart beats now beating in sync with one another.

________________________________________________________________

“Sawamura Daichi. The king wishes to speak with you.”

Daichi looked up from his breakfast to see one of the castle maids looking at him.

“I’m on my way. Thank you.” Daichi said pulling his coat on and heading towards the castle. It had been almost a year since Y/N had become his secret fiancée and both of them knew that it would only be a matter of time before someone would find out about them and report Daichi to the king.

It seemed that it had come sooner rather than later.

Several thought ran through Daichi’s head. First, he’d be stripped of his Knighthood and banished to the Outlands where he’d survive in the woods. Second, he’d never see Y/N again because she would quickly be married to someone she may not even know. Thirdly, despite being banished, the King would send out bounty hunters to kill him anyway.

On the off chance that this was not the day he’d be banished, there were a million other things that could happen. Daichi could be sent off to fight the war in the East and die before he could marry Y/N. Y/N could be sick. She could be dying. But worst of all she could have told the king herself and wanted him gone.

His thoughts came to a stop just like his feet at the entrance to the Throne Room. Taking a deep breath, he opened the doors and walked towards where the King was sitting alone. There was no servant in sight not even the King’s advisor. Daichi stopped a good twenty feet and gave a respectable bow.

“Ah Daichi. Come closer.” The King said with a small smile on his face. Daichi slowly stepped closer towards the King.

“I was summoned your Highness?” Daichi asked pretending to play dumb. The King stood up and beckoned for Daichi to follow.

“Follow me son. I want to talk to you.”

There was no malice in his voice, no anger. It was calm and gentle. The voice he was known for whenever he made decisions or met with other royals.

The two of them walked out towards Y/N’s garden. Absentmindedly the King walked past a patch of Gladiolus flowers.

“I helped her plant this garden with her mother. It was the last birthday gift that her mother gave to her before she passed away. Even after her mothers passing Y/N continued to care for this garden even going as far as to plant flowers that her step-mother likes just to keep it. She was only truly happy when she was here in the garden. Until you came here Daichi.”

Daichi looked up from the flowers and towards the King who wore a sad smile on his face and was walking towards another patch of flowers. Pink roses this time.

“When you came here, Y/N’s demeanor changed drastically. Her old personality had come back. My daughter had come back to me. It’s all thanks to you Daichi and I can never repay you for this.” The King explained walking towards another type of flower. The lilacs danced softly in the wind watching Daichi curiously.

“Y/N deeply loves you. I believe she has for years. Now you are not royalty and if I were to let you marry Y/N our bloodline would no longer be entirely pure. Any heir that she produced would only have half of the aristocratic genes. Our enemies would talk. But I do not care about this anymore. Y/N is the first born heir and it is her right to the throne. If I give you permission to marry her I have to know that you understand that while she is Queen you will only be a prince. That you will love her and only her for the rest of your lives.”

“I do sire. There has never been another woman who I have loved as deeply as I do Y/N.” Daichi said with a almost uncontainable smile. The King burst out laughing boistrously and pulled Daichi into a crushing hug.

“I knew it son. And now you’ll be my son-in-law. So go on and find Y/N. You two will be married by her birthday next month.” The King said to Daichi letting him go. Daichi bowed to the King and raced off towards the Library where Y/N would be finishing up her morning studies. The King watched his future son-in-law with a very content smile and turned to face the Lilly of the Valley’s flowers.

“I think he’ll be a fine prince for our princess, wouldn’t you say my dear?” The King asked. As if Y/N’s mother could answer the flowers swayed in the wind allowing the King a peaceful moment alone.

_______________________________________________________________

Daichi stood inside the dressing room fiddling with his royal cape. It had been specially made for him today along with his wedding suit. It was finally the day where he would marry Y/N.

But he was nervous as all hell.

The royal chapel was packed full of other royals, and their friends. Suga had also been invited after Daichi had found out this entire marriage had most definitely been orchestrated by Suga. When Y/N found out she had socked Suga in the stomach and then kissed his cheeks over and over thanking him for bringing her together with Daichi.

Of course Kuroo and Bokuto had been given the “day off” to enjoy the festivities with Daichi and that comforted him a little but he was worried about the ceremony himself. In just one month Daichi had been subjected to all sorts of lessons to teach him about the royal way of life. He’d been moved out of the barracks and into the castle to a room that he and Y/N would soon share.

Kuroo and Bokuto both had used these lessons as an opportunity to tease the hell out of Daichi and both of them personally requested to become the happy couples personal guards.

Daichi looked at himself in the floor length mirror. He was dressed in a black suit with silver accents and had a dark orange cape attached to his left shoulder. In a glass box on the table next to him sat a simple gold crown with intricately etched branches that all stemmed from a tree on the back of the crown. He wouldn’t wear it until right before Y/N walked into the chapel. There had been some discussion about whether Daichi could marry Y/N without being a prince. The king had put his foot down and simply stated that he would crown Daichi.

A sharp rap on the door shook Daichi out of his daze and he turned to see both Kuroo and Bokuto waiting for him.

“Hey bachelor man! You ready for the most important moment of your life?” Kuroo asked swinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders. Daichi rolled his eyes and gave himself a once over in the mirror before turning around to face his two friends.

“Ok... I think I’m ready.” Daichi said with a confident smile in place of his previously nervous one.

The walk down to the Chapel was filled with laughter and joking in order to help alleviate some of Daichi’s stress. But nothing could be done about the stress that was placed on Daichi right before they entered the doors.

“Hey you aren’t getting cold feet right?” Kuroo asked looking at Daichi who had been holding for several minutes now.

“No! I’m going in right now.” Daichi snapped as he opened the doors to the sound of trumpets and cheers. Immediately Bokuto and Kuroo dropped the silly act and had become perfect examples of knights and Bowed to Daichi as he walked down the golden carpet towards the King who was waiting for him.

As Daichi reached the end of the carpet, he knelt down for the King to make him a prince.

“By the power invested in me, I now raise you from the title of knight to that of Prince. You will hereby be known as Prince Sawamura Daichi of the Miyagi Kingdom. And with this crowning, I now relinquish my daughter to you for her hand in marriage.” The King said placing the ornate crown atop of Daichi’s head and allowing him to stand.

As soon as Daichi stood the doors opened once more and the wedding fanfare played. Daichi knew he wasn’t allowed to look behind to see Y/N but he was incredibly giddy.

“Hello Daichi.”

Y/N’s gentle voice greeted him along with a gloved hand on his shoulder. Daichi turned for the first time to see his bride smiling up at him with a gorgeous dress that truly accented her features. Her h/c hair was done up in a waterfall braid with her pearl set tiara perfectly aligning her facial features.

She was stunning.

“Hello my love.” He whispered taking her hand and leading her up towards the alter. In her hands she held a bouquet of pink tinged bridal roses, baby’s breath, and white calla lilies.

Bridal roses for everlasting love. Baby’s breath for sincerity. White calla lilies for true love. And one singular tea rose in the middle for remembrance. After all it was her mother which had led her to pick out these flowers.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the unity between our crown princess Y/N and her prince Sawamura Daichi. Marriage is defined as the unity of...”

The priest began his speech about the importance of staying together and worshipping each other in sickness and in health. Instead of paying attention to the priest, Daichi was gazing into Y/N’s eyes that were brimming with tears. Daichi used his hand to wipe the tears away making Y/N giggle.

“And now do you Daichi, take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through the good and bad times, for better or for worse, until death do you part?” The priest asked. Daichi looked from the priest to Y/N and nodded.

“I do.”

“And do you Y/N, take Daichi to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through the good and bad times, for better or for worse, until death do you part?” The priest asked Y/N who was giggling at Daichi.

“Huh? Oh um -ahem- yes I do.” Y/N cooed grasping Daichi’s hands. The ring bearer brought up the two rings for the couple to exchange. Daichi picked up Y/N’s delicate hand and slipped the sliver ring with the (birthstone) right in the middle. Y/N in turn slipped the silver band onto Daichi’s finger and motioned to the priest whispering something in his ear.

“The bride wishes to speak.” The priest explained and allowed Y/N to speak.

“Daichi from the moment I met you I knew that you would protect me until my prince appeared. In all the fairytales I’ve read this is a rule and scripture for all royals. Regardless I believed in these stories that you and I read by candlelight. You’re my white knight who saved my life even if you’ve come from a different line of life than I have. But I know today is the day that I will love you for the rest of my life. It starts today.” Y/N mused as she took Daichi’s hands in hers.

“I love you so much.” Was all Daichi could respond with that roused laughter from the wedding guests.

“Are there any objections? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

It was quiet for a moment before Bokuto and Kuroo began to hoot like an owl and meow like a cat, causing Daichi to smack his face in embarrassment and caused The King and all the subjects to roar in laughter again. Even the ever cold Queen smirked at the antics of the two knights.

“If there are no real objections I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride” The priest said. Daichi and Y/N brought their lips together for a passionate kiss that was serenaded by the wedding fanfare again.

Daichi left the chapel a new man, with his princess holding tightly to his arm and a large smile on his face. As the newlyweds climbed into their carriage Daichi brought his face towards Y/N’s and placed his lips on hers once more.

“I love you so much Y/N.”

“And I love you Daichi. Now let’s go start the rest of our lives together.” Y/N said cozying up to her husband. “Are you sure you have everything?”

“Oh wait I have one more thing to do real quick. Can I see your bouquet?” Daichi asked. Y/N looked at him weirdly and watched as Daichi chucked the bouquet at the back of Suga’s head.

“I OWE YOU SUGA!” He cried out as the crack of the whip sounded through the air and the carriage took off.

“Daichi those were my flowers!” Y/N cried playfully hitting him on the arm.

“I’ll plant a million more for you my dear.”

THE END

PLEASE NOTE: This is my original work that I posted on my first blog @squiddlie. I am moving all my writing to this blog and there isn’t any plagiarism on this blog.

#daichi x y/n #daichi x f!reader #cute octopus writing #haikyuu!!#one shots #daichi sawamura #sugawara koushi #kuroo tetsurou #bokuto koutarou #knights #princesses #princes #royal AU #fluff #angst #humor #boys joshing around

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profanetools · 3 years

Note

42-45 for lorkhan/kagrenac

ayem I just adore that you went for the messiest and most drama-filled dynamic on this list!! love it love it

everyone reading this for context should read the epilogue of twelve tones which greatly informs this post

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Oh, Lorkhan absolutely does. Lorkhan is letting her get away with murder. I feel like Lorkhan has a million different conflicting feelings that sort of come from being in a million different fragments and yet not at all, including a cold fury, including immense distrust, including betrayal (rich coming from him but here we are), including amusement at such unorthodox methods, but including an immense pride as well, seeing how far Koht-as-Kagrenac has come and who she has become, and I think there's just... this overwhelming feeling of joy and delight at having not only someone close again but someone he knew and admired and recognised close, now as close to an equal as she'll ever be, and it's exciting? It's very exciting. He's just ecstatic honestly. To the point that Kagrenac is planning on doing something heinous just feels like a mild irritation, he doesn't let that feeling even surface, he's just so excited to be with her (again! finally!) at her finest hour and is eagerly watching her put her plans into motion. I also just think the fact that Lorkhan-is-Bthemetz and Bthemetz-is-Lorkhan means that some part of his mind will always regard her as utterly remarkable and incredible and amazing etc. even if other shezarrines completely disagree.

43. Do they talk often? What about?

Lorkhan, at first, as much as possible. He's just very excited to see her and witters on endlessly about different things, memories, ideas, musical notifs, clever observations, things he thinks she would like or be interested in (and he's not exactly wrong either, they are interesting). Kagrenac refuses to take the bait at first and tries to ignore him but eventually cracks, and lets slip that yes she *does* remember what happened before, she's not unaware, and she's still livid. Weren't you angry, when you were killed? she asks. I think before she creates wraithguard and shuts him out entirely, he speaks less often than before because he's aware how much it upsets her (I figure he's deeply attuned to her feelings by this point - and besides she told him clearly) but they do have a few instances where they might have something even resembling a conversation where they remiss together about the past, or even a few instances where they're humming different harmonisations of the same tune - before Kagrenac realises and stops herself. I think the only time Kagrenac attempts to engage with him is to argue - about what happened in the past, but also gets in a heated argument about Bthemetz where she blames him for pulling them apart and also acknowledges that Bthemetz *is* sort-of him and says she's a thousand times better than he'll ever be and to this Lorkhan is both overjoyed and deeply sad and she has no idea what to do with that reaction. Especially since it reveals the weight of her own affection for Bthemetz and thus to a degree also him.

After she's used the tools on the heart he whispers to her frequently. It's lonely, he says, to be torn asunder from your body. Do you understand now? And this time she lets him. They watch memories and visions float by and he mutters quietly, so it's not silent, and at first she says nothing but later, she'll hum and harmonise together. They frequently share dreams.

After a very long time, there are apologies. But it takes them a long time of sitting and watching and speaking softly before they can show each other the full weight of their bitterness and fury and let it go, like it's light as a cloud.

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

Kagrenac is extremely uncomfortable with Lorkhan whispering to what seems to be her mind and making himself known at first, and is extremely resistant to him, but he is *so* familiar, he knows her like they've just spent the last 400 years of their life together (which they have and haven't), and ifnshe lets her guard down she is more at home with his presence than she likes to admit.

Lorkhan - yes - but he's deeply afraid she's forgotten him and the thing is he's just 1. recognised an old friend 2. reconnected with Bthemetz and just has this overwhelming amount of affection and it's like. Panicking because your lover has forgotten your face. Sort of vibes?

I think Lorkhan crosses a lot of boundaries at first but gradually comes to respect them more (even then Kagrenac still shuts him out). After Kagrenac uses the tools he's a lot more reticent / less pushy, and will wait for her to come to him more often. Which she does.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

The dream is actually shared - that Kagrenac would achieve her dream of transcending the limits of mortality and achieving a higher level of divinity that is beyond either of their understanding. That is all Lorkhan ever wanted for mortals - to grow and trascend their limits through living so many lives and acculumating a whole lineage and ancestry of experiences and plurality and change far beyind the static existence of et'ada. The bitter part is that she would crush him to do it (and part of him, a dark part of him, would have loved to see her try). As for heartbreaks, that's just all of it. It's all one immense wound.

#long post

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iohourtime · 3 years

Text

Kiokuya (The Memory Eraser) Review - With Spoilers

Since I read the book, sort of followed the filming progress, and read a bunch of interviews (that all sounded the same after a while), I should finish off by writing a review for the movie itself!

Thanks to the pandemic, I was stuck at home watching Netflix for 7 months, so I’ve watched all sorts of movies & TV; sadly most are in the average to crappy category. To me, Kiokuya was probably in the average to slightly above average category. In other words, there are elements I like and there are things I feel the movie can improve on.

The review is a bit long since apparently I have a lot of thoughts about the script.😅 I pretty much summed up my thoughts in the “theme” section. If you are interested in the book / movie differences & things from the DVD visual commentary, I included those in the script & characters section. (Movie Walker included highlights from the visual commentary here.) . If you want to discuss the movie but don’t want to put spoilers on Twitter, leave me a message.

Theme:

The movie’s main theme is obviously about memory. If a memory is making your life miserable, or even stopping you from living, is it better to erase it? Or do all memories, even bad ones, shape you as a human? If someone’s memory of you is gone, are you killed in their minds? If you think someone is better off forgetting you, do you have the right to ask Kiokuya to erase their memories of you? Are the memories gone forever? If you have the power to erase someone’s memory, what are your responsibilities? And to some extent, what are the criteria to evaluate each request and what due diligence should you do before you accept this task? These were the questions the movie wanted you to ask. You know because the movie kept hitting you on the head through the dialogue! That’s probably my main complaint about the movie.

I didn’t study film so I don’t know the theories, but I think being heavy handed at telling you what you should be thinking is like listening to a textbook; it robs the audience of the chance to experience and internalize what they saw, and as a result, they are less able to connect emotionally to the film. That’s not to say people are not moved by the movie and empathize with the characters. I feel that it had more to do with the actors than the script though.

I think the cinematography was generally nice. I liked how they used the drone shots to film the beautiful Hiroshima scenery. The sunset scene was beautiful. The music did not seem intrusive. Other than that, I’m not sure I have more to say. (Fine. Yamada looked good in the plaid shirts and his hair was on point.)

Script vs Book: (Spoiler alert from here on!)

Kiokuya, the movie, was an adaptation of a “horror” novel of the same name. Although there were horror elements, mostly because Kiokuya was kind of a shadowy figure, even the novel itself was focused more on humanity. The original story was divided into 4 parts; the first 3 parts were really 3 separate short stories that explored different reasons people have for wanting their memories erased. The final part was about Kiokuya herself. The Ryoichi character simply served as a bridge between the stories. Here’s a brief description:

Kyoko - A while ago, she was attacked in a dark alley but was saved at the last minute. Even though she was unharmed, she developed a crippling phobia of the dark, so she locked herself inside her home at night and was not able to live a normal life. She and Ryoichi were kinda but not really dating, and Ryoichi, being a typical guy, figured he could fix her. Kyoko tried everything but as a last resort, she asked Kiokuya to erase her memory of the attack. Since her relation with Ryoichi was based almost entirely on overcoming the phobia, she forgot him too. Through this incident, Ryoichi remembered how Maki had her memory erased when she was 5 or 6 - she saw her mom confessing to her dad that she had an affair with her uncle. Kiokuya might have erased Maki’s memory a second time when she was 10-12. Finally, he realized he “forgot” about his year-long investigation of Kiokuya with Takahara & others. It seemed like he was doggedly pursuing Kiokuya because he felt violated more than his undying love for Kyoko. In his own words, he didn’t try to rebuild his relationship with Kyoko again after she forgot about him. There was nothing stopping him, so his feelings towards Kyoko were not that deep.

Takahara - He was a 30 year old ikemen lawyer, though like the movie, he was dying. The chapter focused on his touching friendship with his assistant. Takahara was also close with Nanami, a suicidal, 17-year-old daughter of a client who became very attached to him. When Takahara found out Nanami planned to kill herself after he died, he asked Kiokuya to erase her memory of him so that she would live on.

Misao & Kaname - They were childhood friends and Misao started crushing on Kaname. She confessed and was rejected, but after that, they were not able to be friends like before. She figured if she erased everything about Kaname, they may be able to start over and become friends again without the awkward feelings.

Maki - Ryoichi thought Maki was looking for Kiokuya to erase some unpleasant memories. Then he found out she was Kiokuya, who inherited her ability from her grandfather. In the end, Maki confessed to the burden of being Kiokuya and Ryoichi told her he would support her and that she didn’t have to do it alone. Maki decided to erase anything Kiokuya related in his memory, but their friendship remained intact. Oh, Maki was 17 in the book and also had a crush on Ryoichi. She erased his memories many times before. Like in the movie, she also would like Ryoichi to love her just once, although he never ever saw her as anyone other than his annoying little sister. 😅

The director of the movie, Hirakawa Yuichi, also wrote or co-wrote the script. While the movie stuck to the themes of the novel, the motivations were completely different. Kyoko and Misao were both rape victims, Takahara now wanted to protect his young daughter from the sadness of his death, and Maki was herself kidnapped by a psychopath when she was a kid. I guess Hirakawa needed to pump up the drama and felt the stakes were not high enough for a 2 hour movie? There is always some uneasiness with using rape and trauma to move the story along. I guess there is a difference between this and the usual example of “fridging a female character”, i.e. kill a love interest of the hero to motivate him on some journey. Ryoichi was motivated by being erased and he actually gradually realized he should not push for restoring Kyoko’s memories if it was her wish. He only found out what happened to her at the end of the movie. Considering their relationship in the movie was a lot more serious, they couldn’t really use the phobia of darkness reason. However, it would also take something really big for Kyoko to want her memory erased while not talking to Ryoichi beforehand. Anyway, I really don’t see a way out of this.

For Misao though, I didn’t think they needed to make her a victim of the same serial rapist, especially when they use the same reason as the book for erasing Kaname. I suppose they need to explain why Nanami (and later Ryoichi) was looking into them? But they could just have the doctor referred the case (who appeared to be breaking doctor-patient confidentiality?! Just me?) In fact, the whole Misao / Kaname storyline didn’t really do much other than allowing Ryoichi to find out from Kaname that Kiokuya was a young girl.

Maki’s childhood trauma was also a bit excessive. I can’t see it as anything other than to get Ryoichi out to Hiroshima to talk to Grandpa. While finding out mom was “dealing with” uncle would be traumatic for a young child, it might not be dramatic enough for a movie.

Ryoichi & Maki’s origins were also changed. They were now raised in Hiroshima and moved to Tokyo to attend university. The only reason was to place Grandpa-Kiokuya in Hiroshima after the bombing. While I liked the grandpa scene, was it necessary? They already covered the “Kiokuya after WWII” with the interview with the elderly woman. I think they could still keep Grandpa, since he was Kiokuya (and ironically suffering from Alzheimer’s) but maybe just skip the elderly woman part and use those minutes to build Ryoichi & Kyoko’s relationship!

Upgrading Ryoichi & Kyoko’s relationship to being engaged gave him more incentive to look for Kiokuya, but all we got to see was 1 proposal scene and some snapshots, which made it harder for us to understand the loss Ryoichi experienced when Kyoko forgot him. Ultimately, I feel that more time should be given to the “before” times. They don’t even need that much. If done effectively like the movie Searching with John Cho, 5 minutes or so of clips would be enough to get us to care more. I’m not saying people won’t care, but it’s true that there are people who didn’t quite feel it. Yamada basically had to sell it with longing looks at Renbutsu, so how deeply you feel for them depends on whether you buy it or not.

Takahara’s story might have been changed because of who they cast. Also, Takahara & Nanami’s relationship in the book was kinda weird, considering Nanami actually loved him and she was 17 while he was 30. I definitely cannot agree with how Movie Takahara wanted to erase his daughter’s memory to spare her the pain of losing him. It reminded me of that Black Mirror episode where the mom put in a blocker to shield her daughter from bad things. It ended up messing up the girl & broke their relationship. Young children are resilient and the sadness would eventually change into something else, which would shape their characters. Also, just because she forgot her birth father didn’t mean she would suddenly get along with her stepfather. I won’t even get into the whole consent thing. It was a good thing Maki did not follow through.

Less good was what Movie Maki did to Ryoichi & Kyoko though. When I found out Movie Ryoichi & Kyoko were engaged instead of “pre-dating” like in the book, I was quite worried they would have Movie Maki erase Ryoichi from Kyoko’s mind for selfish reasons. I was hoping that maybe he got erased by mistake, but unfortunately, the script did go with the jealousy angle, which made Maki extremely unsympathetic.

In the visual commentary, they said they rewrote the ending because it didn’t fit. Maki erased her entire existence from Ryoichi's mind as penance for what she did. (I think initially, they were going with the book ending where Maki just erased Kiokuya from his head.) In the end, the actual cut used in the movie was more ambiguous - they “left it to the audience” to decide how much Maki erased and whether Ryoichi & Kyoko got a second chance at happiness. (The director said it ended on a hopeful note. Take it how you want.)

It’s unclear if Movie Maki erased Ryoichi’s memories more than once, but Book Maki had done it many times. Even though Book Maki seemed more responsible with her powers and didn’t slip up like Movie Maki, she did wipe part of Ryoichi’s memories without his consent. Ryoichi said that she didn’t have to do this alone and she could lean on him, so why didn’t she? Also, losing all that memory got to have some long term effect on him, right? In the movie, it was worse because Maki took the “easy” way out by erasing herself. Yes, she was punishing herself, but shouldn’t the more courageous thing to do was to own up to what she had done and work for Ryoichi’s (& Kyoko’s) forgiveness?

Speaking of Ryoichi’s forgiveness, I actually saw some viewers calling Ryoichi a cad for telling Maki that he would always protect her and be by her side to protect her. Apparently they seemed to think he was in love with Maki and forgot all about Kyoko. Well, I think in that moment, there were 3 things going on: 1) Takahara told him that it was better to forgive and that there will be justice in other ways, 2) he understood why it was devastating to Kyoko to remember what happened and 3) Maki was like his little sister. His immediate desire to comfort his friend overrode the anger and betrayal he might have felt. Had Maki not erased his memory around 2 minutes after, who knew if they would have a more substantial talk? He didn’t even have a chance to talk to Kyoko. (I suspect Maki would have tried to “spare him” by erasing his relationship with Kyoko as well. He still ended up at the cafe because he could remember physically going there a lot.)

Overall, I think the movie was a bit unfocused due to some extraneous storylines and having too much exposition, which was a disservice to some of the characters. It failed to show how their relationships build, like Ryoichi & Takahara became buddies over what seemed like a week! I wish they trimmed a couple of the minor stories and used that time to go deeper on the main lines.

Characters / Actors:

Yoshimura Ryoichi (Yamada Ryosuke)

I was watching the movie and halfway through when it hit me… Yamada’s Ryoichi was… normal? I mean obviously quite good looking in the boy-next-door kind of way, but Ryoichi was a regular, run-of-the-mill university student, who was normally an optimistic and forgiving but happened to be dealing with heartbreak at the moment. Seriously, if you’ve watched Yamada’s other works, his characters are usually kind of comedic, sort of pathetic, occasionally brilliant, psychotic, or… non-human. (Very odd roles for a Johnny’s actor.) He probably has not been this normal since the 24Hr drama. He still cried a lot, so that’s familiar.

OK, let’s get back on topic. Since Book Ryoichi functioned more as a character that connects the short stories rather than a real character, I didn’t have hopes for the movie version. Surprisingly, Movie Ryoichi came across as a real person and I did care what happened to him. While we didn’t get to see how Ryoichi & Kyoko were in happier times, he was able to convey the longing and slight awkwardness in their interaction when he tried to talk to her after. Similarly, in the scene where he learned of Takahara’s death, you could tell what was going through his mind even though he said nothing. Same with the final “confrontation” with Maki. Even though he didn’t say much, his eyes conveyed the emotions subtly: the longing, shock, confusion, etc. Overall, he was quite subtle and natural. As the articles say, he managed to “suppress his aura” and played an average guy. I hope he can play more of these subtle types of roles in future. (It is unfortunate that a lot of people have preconceived notions about Johnny’s actors, to put it politely. It’s like the reverse of the “fan blinder” that we sometimes get accused of having.)

Now there are some discussions as to whether he overacted in the crying scenes. The main “crying” scenes were probably 1) confession to grandpa in Hiroshima, 2) in the rain, and 3) reading the letter. I’ve seen people say he overacted in either 1) or 2).

When I first watched the Hiroshima scene, I did feel that his crying may have been a bit much because I was watching the movie with just Japanese subtitles, so I missed an important detail: Ryoichi told his mom he was going to Hiroshima to confront his past. When you consider that Ryoichi had been carrying the guilt for “causing” Maki’s kidnapping for 15 years, it was totally reasonable for him to prostrate himself in front of Grandpa. He would also be relieved when Grandpa told him the statute of limitation was over and he should forgive himself. As an aside, according to the director in the visual commentary, Yamada cried in the first take of the scene. Hirakawa said “Aren’t you crying too much?” Yamada said “OK, I’ll do another take without crying.” However, when the Director was cutting the movie together, he suddenly saw Ryoichi’s mental journey and ended up using the first take because it was the logical conclusion to the closure he got.

In the rain scene, he just learned about Kyoko’s attack. Knowing how much hurt she endured and how he did nothing to support and comfort her, he was still in a state of shock when he got knocked down. Then the dam burst and he cried hysterically. That seemed quite reasonable to me. I was more shocked that nobody checked on the guy who fell on the pavement and was crying. Pedestrians were cold! So I don’t really understand the objection to that scene. Maybe they thought this was something that happened a while ago and/or he didn’t love Kyoko that much, so he wouldn’t be that emotional?

I don’t think people have issues with the letter scene? Narratively, it made the most sense since he was close with Takahara, who was literally speaking to him from the grave via the letter. Oh, they talked about filming the letter scene in the visual commentary. Yamada was just reading the letter in silence and they added in Takahara’s narration in post production. Since he wanted to save the emotional outburst for the real take, he did not dare to look at the letter during the rehearsal.

One last thing, Yamada and Yoshine spoke in Hiroshima-ben when they were talking amongst each other. I have horrible listening skills and while I think he used some slang or phrasing, his accent still seemed mostly Kanto. It’s like if I call a bunch of people “wankers” with a Canadian accent; it doesn’t make me sound English. Maybe someone can tell me just how well (or not) he did.

Kawai Maki (Yoshine Kyoko)

I have only watched Yoshine in the drama Stay Tuned and I liked her there. She played this airhead character who could be super annoying if the balance was off, yet she came across as likeable. I think she portrayed Maki very well in this movie. Of course, I knew she was Kiokuya going in, so even at the beginning, you could see some of her subtle reactions to the Kiokuya discussions. I really liked her chemistry with Yamada - they felt like they could have been lifelong friends. While she played the annoying little sister part quite well, you could also see the pain she felt when she had to make difficult choices like erasing Nanami’s memory. Throughout the movie, you could sense her regret for what she did to Ryoichi. Her emotions in the final scene were also very raw. While Maki’s characterization was problematic, Yoshine was really good at playing that character and you might even be sympathetic towards her. Also, I feel that her Hiroshima-ben might be more on point? Some people didn’t buy that she was in love with Ryoichi the whole time. I thought the flashbacks made it pretty clear but I’ve also read the book, so there’s that.

In the visual commentary, they were talking about their various acting styles. Yoshine said she carried her emotions with her even after the director shouted cut. So when she was shooting the last scene, she was still crying furiously afterwards. Yamada said she was like an acting monster - she could get right into the emotions even during the table read. It was funny how different she is from Yamada and Renbutsu. They are the flip-the-switch type - when the director yells cut, it was like they woke up from a dream into a different world. She also apologized to Yamada when they were watching the scene where she confessed to selfishly erasing Kyoko’s memory of Ryoichi.😅

Takahara Tomoaki (Sasaki Kuranosuke)

I have not seen Sasaki’s other projects, so I had no idea what to expect. His Takahara came across as pretty charming, easy going, and playful, though you could feel his love for his daughter and the hard decision he had to make. He also had a natural chemistry with the other cast and was very believable. While I disagree with what Takahara wanted, Sasaki’s acting as Takahara made sense. I don’t know what more to say. It is probably expected since he is a veteran and is generally well regarded as an actor.

Sawada Kyoko (Renbutsu Misako)

I have only seen Renbutsu in Hagaren. I liked her character there. I also liked how Yamada decided to break the ice with her back then by asking if she has any friends. (She had more friends than him. 😅) To be honest, there wasn’t much for her to do in this movie, although I think she was believable as the very confused Kyoko. She was apprehensive about Ryoichi in the “after” scenes, who was honestly coming across too strong. I don’t think Ryoichi & Kyoko really had crackling sexual chemistry based on the proposal scene, but they seemed like a cute couple. They were pretty cute together in the behind-the-scenes featurette when they took the “dating photos”. I wish those dates were included in the movie.

Conclusion:

As you can see above, I have some general issues about the script but I think the actors elevated the story. The movie could have been better if it streamlined some of the storylines. Right now, it was trying to go for a deeper message but the stories themselves were a bit too superficial to accomplish that. I suppose the problem was that the original novel was more like an anthology of short stories dealing with memory, so it was hard to create a through line for a movie.

#Kiokuya #anata ha wasurenai #yamada ryosuke #yoshine kyoko #sasaki kuranosuke #renbutsu misako #review #spoilers #the memory eraser

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sweeethinny · 4 years

Text

Reputation - End Game (Chapter 2)

Hello, another chapter, and again I am talking about how much fun it was to write this. Remembering that the chapters do not necessarily follow an order. Hope you like it!

AO3

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I wanna be your end game I wanna be your first string

''Are you alright?’’ Harry was leaning against the back doorframe, arms and legs crossed, assessing Ginny's every move as if he wanted to take a picture in his mind so he would never forget it.

She didn't blame him, she had imagined him for the past year, just to make things with the Carrows less… intense.

''Yes and you?'' They were alone for the first time in weeks. With Ron and Hermione going to travel to Australia, their brothers going home (George continued at The Burrow, but he had gone with his father somewhere) and her mother who didn't seem to want to spend much time there when everything was quiet, it was just her and Harry. And it could become dangerous, eventually.

''The same as always ... want help?’’ He followed her movements, looking too much at analysis that Ginny was cutting vegetables for dinner, going to her side.

''No, thanks'' Anger bubbled up in her stomach, and she wanted to yell at him, about how he could disappear, appear (almost die!) And now act as if nothing has ever happened.

''Gin''

I wanna be your A-Team I wanna be your end game, end game

''What, Harry? My mom will really fight if I don't-- ''

''--I missed you. Every day'' As she didn't cut a finger off her, Ginny would never know ''And I wanted to say that before but ... er ... it never seemed the right time'' Harry looked bewildered, still too thin for her mother to stop to force him to repeat the dish twice at every meal, with cut hair (Molly did a great job) and a thin beard growing from his chin, making him more attractive than Ginny had ever seen. But she bet that it was also because of all the time away.

''It was a little complicated for me too'' Her heart beat loudly, with unhappy memories of the past year flooding mind, her voice coming out a little too sarcastically

"That's why I ... Shit Ginny, I didn't want any of that shit to happen to you"

''Well, we don't have the best reputation with the world of darkness, do we? You and I had some experiences with You-Know-Who that, by themselves, already make us be hated.'' Shrugged, not thinking she could tell that The Carrows loved hearing about the gossip about their relationship.

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me Ooh, I got some big enemies

''Sorry'' Harry and she looked at each other, he looked even more disconcerted, his eyes so sad that the green had a gray background that Ginny really wanted to take off by herself ''For not being there for you'' They were close, too close for her to be able to think of something coherent, to think of something that was not a reminder of how she missed his kisses, or how he played with her hair, barely realizing that he was doing it

''You had to save the wizarding world'' She shrugged again, biting her cheek

''This whole noble and stupid thing, I know'' Harry laughed, a small light seeming to rise inside him

''People loved talking about us ... You don't know the things we did. It's ashamed of anyone'' She let her barriers go down. Seeing Harry there, alive, seemed to matter more than the conflicting feelings. Maybe later she would scream and take all that anger and fear out of her, but now, he seemed much more attractive than all that drama.

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation Ah, and I heard about you Ooh, You like the bad ones, too

Ginny could only pay attention to how she missed that idiot, that characteristic smell of him, his green eyes ... his completely.

Harry was the only one who understood her, who understood Tom and all the shit that came with him, who knew what it was like to be haunted. He was the only one who could make her anger dissolve and make room for that longing that consumed her for all months, the only one who managed to make her feel alive again, even if she did nothing. Just having Harry there was a lot.

''I thought about you''

''You already said something like that'' Joked, wanting to break that tension

''No'' Ah, that little smile ... ''I had to sacrifice myself. I needed to do this. And when I got there ... II thought about you ... before I died ''

You so dope, don't overdose I'm so stoked, I need a toast We do the most I'm in the Ghost like I'm whippin' a boat I got a reputation girl, that don't precede me I'm one call away, whenever you need me

What did you say after that?

Harry smiled sadly, running his fingers over her cheek as if to remember what the contact was like, getting even closer, keeping his green eyes locked on her. Ginny almost asked if he felt as ... alive, as she did.

''You were the best thing that happened to me, Gin. By far. And I don't even know if I deserved it.''

''Are you going to tell me you love me? Because if it is, stop this self-sabotage first. You deserve as much as anyone else to be happy. In fact, by my calculations, it is what it deserves to be the most.'' She didn't know where all that courage had come from, but it was Harry who was there, that boy who seemed to mess with her whole system and break all the walls that she built daily to protect herself

''I love you'' He laughed, looking much more sincere than the embarrassed laugh he gave whenever someone came to congratulate him on winning the war ''I wish I could have protected you better '' His thumb ran across a thin scar on her cheek, which she barely remembered when won

''I don't need to'' She reminded him, biting her cheek to keep from stupid tears. It was one of those moments when she felt too vulnerable, naked in front of a crowd.

''But I wanted. I would easily die for you, Gin. ''

I'm in a G5 Come to the A side I got a bad boy persona that's what they like You love it I love it too 'cause you my type You hold me down and I protect you with my life

''I prefer you alive'' She said, fiddling with his black sweatshirt as if wanted to find a way out, Harry seemed to swallow all the air around them ''Is it better you know? The dynamics of dating a ghost, it must suck'' Hearing his laughter was like a prize. If she could, she would do more

''And our dynamics?'' The boy blushed like a tomato, in that timid and chivalrous way that only The Chosen One could do ''I mean-'' Cleared his throat ''If you have someone else .. ''

''I'm dating, Harry'' His face paled, his mouth opening in a small O, his eyes seeming to turn that green / gray. Ginny held back her laugh, her sadomasochistic self being fed with that ''I never stopped, in fact'' Consciousness realized to hit like a punch, the color coming back into his beautiful face. ''I wouldn't let you be single around. Not when a lot of girls wanted to be The Chosen One'' She rolled her eyes

I don't wanna touch you Just another ex-love I don't wanna miss you Like the other girls do

''Jealous, Gin? I thought you were better than that'' The redhead lifted her chin, looking at him defiantly

'’Never, Potter. I know my place'' Harry finally put his other hand on her waist, sticking to their bodies like an old memory of the beautiful times in the gardens of Hogwarts ''I don't know if it was clear that I love you too'' She smiled, taking her hands to his face, feeling the chill run through her body when the roughness of his beard touched her fingers

''I missed you'' Their faces slowly approached, as if to enjoy the feeling of euphoria that preceded them, and Ginny felt completely alive when her lips touched him. It was still sweet, gentle, and overpowering.

Their tongues touched as if it were the first time, gradually getting to know the territory, but soon seeming to remember each other. He squeezed her waist and pulled her even closer, as possible, as she lifted her hands to that soft, cut (but still rebel) hair, scraping her nails into his hairy crown as she remembered he liked it, listening to him growl throat, as if confirming.

''I want to do it right this time'' he whispered close to her lips, as if it were their secret, only theirs. ''If you don't mind being The Chosen One'' He joked making her laugh, finally opening her eyes to see him staring at her, with those long, dark lashes casting a shadow on the emerald green pupil. ''Or being a reason for gossip'' Harry had the courage to feel ashamed

I don't wanna hurt you (I just wanna be) Drinkin' on a beach with (You all over me) I know what they all say (I know what they all say) But I ain't tryna play

''I don't care, I already told you ... But explain yourself'' Ginny hugged the boy's neck, standing on tiptoe a little to look at him better, barely remembering the vegetables that should be cut

''You know'' He shrugged, blushing again ''Not just making out under a tree ... these things''

''Ah, but I liked that'' He laughed, lifting her up and taking her to the table, placing her sitting there, his callused and bruised hands on her thigh, causing chills

"You will return?" Ginny nodded, already knowing she would be alone again. But this time, not because he was on a suicide mission

''I'm going to take the Auror test'' He commented, looking strange ''They'll love making this a big deal''

"Yes, but I really don't care, Harry. It'll be fun to see the things they'll come up with.'' She pulled the strings on her sweatshirt, bringing him closer, before closing her legs around his narrow hips ''If you promise me you won't run away and leave me back. .. ''

''I promise'' His smile was big, and it looked totally real. "But what if I invite you one day ..?"

''To run away? Of course I will ''

Knew her when I was young Reconnected when we were little bit older Both sprung, I got issues and chips on both of my shoulders Reputation precedes me, in rumors I'm knee deep The truth is it's easier to ignore it, believe me

Harry kissed her again, this time much more hungry and hurried than before, his fingers firmly on her waist, seeming to want to dig holes in there, reminding her a lot of times when they weren't so calm in the castle grounds. Their tongues dueled in that way that made her transcend to some distance that only the two lived

Her hips jutted forward, brushing against him with a promise of something, whimpering as his thighs tightened further.

Ginny almost smiled until she teared her face when she felt him nudge her in the thigh, a magnificent reminder that she was still messing with him

Harry groaned in her mouth, biting her lip and spreading her hips as if she burned. Always a gentleman

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

''Sorry ... er .. for that'' His face contorted in a mixture of pain and confusion, his eyes looking like flames

''Don't apologize for getting hard'' She gave him another kiss, letting him stay a little distant ''I like to know that I move with you'' Ginny moved closer to Harry's ear, feeling confident enough to whisper; '' If you could see how you do this to me too ... ''

''Don't be mean, Weasley'' Harry closed his eyes, his thick voice tickling her neck, before walking away as if he could breathe properly. ''Shouldn't you finish your work with the vegetables? I don't know if your mother would like to see you talking this bullshit.'' Ginny laughed, happy to finally have him back there, to return everything as normal as possible. She had missed it more than she imagined.

''She would say I'm corrupting the innocent Harry Potter'' She raised her red eyebrow as if expected the contradiction

''I can tell you already did this when you were strolling naked in my dreams'' And for the first time since Harry left on his mission, Ginny laughed, throwing her head back and all, her chest swelling with happiness.

I've made mistakes, and made some choices that's hard to deny After the storm, something was born on the fourth of July I've passed days without fun, this endgame is the one With four words on the tip of my tongue, I'll never say

Some years later...

"Did you see what they said about us?" Ginny threw the newspaper on the table, a little irritated, a little laughing

''About you ... '' He cleared his throat, making a strong accent ''Is it taking too long to give the Chosen One an heir? '' Harry raised an eyebrow, smiling from the corner and seeming to find a lot of fun in everything

''Yes. That cow still had the pleasure of saying that you are screwing me. What does she know? Was she at our window for our last few fucks, making sure we're using contraceptives? '' He shrugged, cutting a slice of cake and taking it to the plate

''Maybe she knew you came to live with me'' It was true, Ginny had been there (with all her things) for a couple of months, but since leaving Hogwarts, she had been spending more time there than anywhere else. The difference was that now, there were no excuses about 'be without clean clothes' to be able to walk around naked or in his shirts.

''Someone should give her a good black eye to look after ''

''Luv, I don't think punching Rita is good for your reputation'' She shrugged, sipping her tea

''Well, at least she'll have reason to call me crazy'' Harry laughed, looking happy even though it was snowing like never before and it was less than eight in the morning. He had been smiling a lot more since they got it right.

''I don't know what would become of me without you, Gin'' Smiling, the redhead blinked and threw a red tentacle backwards, lifting her chin proudly

''Nothing'' She stood up, going meticulously to his lap, placing each leg on one side of his hips, playing with black hair and enjoying feeling the strong arms around her ''You talk about me, but on page 14 to a huge news about 'Harry Potter and the fight in the Aurors' '' The man shrugged, licking his sugar-stained lips and looking at her as if he were still the most precious thing he had ever seen. But much more man and sure of himself, than with 16/17 years.

''What can I do? Drama haunts me ''

I hit you like bang We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

''I'm sure you do'' She kissed him passionately, delighting in the sweet taste in his mouth, and in all that tremor she felt when her boyfriend's hands squeezed her, bringing her closer, and seeming to guarantee that Once she felt it in all its glory ''You're going to be late'' Harry caught her lips again, running a hand on her back, squeezing the back of her neck so she could stay there

''I think they will thank you for not having me for an hour .. That asshole Baxter says so'' Leaving him just to see his face, Ginny stared at him, green eyes still burning with lust, his mouth it was a little red from making out, and there was that little scar next to her left eye, almost imperceptible, but that she had noticed

''Why did you fight with him? In addition to him being a complete idiot, of course’’ Harry exhaled, adjusting his glasses before returning his hand to her waist

''Because I'm not going to work with someone who looks like a Neanderthal'' Ginny laughed, amused at the way he pretended to be tough ''Now please stop talking about him, and come over here '' Before she could get her order , he pushed her away "Ah, what Rita said .. "

'' ..I don't care'' The wizarding world seemed to love talking about them, and about possible marriages, and betrayals, and babies. As always, Harry and Ginny were great reasons for gossip. ''Fuck her. In fact, if she's around, we'll give her one more reason to comment on our sex.''

And I can't let you go, your hand prints on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold

The boyfriend looked on fire, his eyes darkening, while that smug smile appeared on his handsome face. She was spoiling him too much.

"Ginny .."

'' .. Skip the romanticism, I'm excited Potter, just do your job'' The man laughed, holding her face and smiling from ear to ear

"Marry me, Gin"

''Alright'' Harry looked surprised, almost as if he had been shocked or punched, still keeping her face in his hands, but moving away a little further

''I'm serious'' He took a black box out of his pocket ''I've been going through this for a week''

You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here's the truth from my red lips

Ginny didn't know what to say. She had been thinking about many things to do with Harry, since she was 10 years old fantasizing about a great and perfect love, so at 15 when the thing seemed real, everything fell apart, and at 16, when they came back, she just wanted to live in the present, not caring about the years to come, not even if he would order one day.

The ring in the box was delicate, a diamond cut at the top, not as flashy as the one Percy had given Audrey, but perfect for her, much more than she could ever imagine

"Oh ... that's what .."

'' ..Yes, the rat saw me with that woman because we were choosing the ring for you. Julia was very helpful, more than Hermione and Ron together '' Her eyes prickled, her throat closing in emotion ''Er .. do you still accept?'' They finally looked at each other, Harry looking minimally scared and shy, the that made a tear come down lonely. She hated it when she saw him doubting the love that people could have for him.

''Don't be stupid, of course I do'' When her laugh sounded nervous, she calmed down, accompanying him ''It's beautiful. Perfect'' Her hand was shaking, not unlike Harry's, now that he put the ring on her finger as if it were born to be there, fitting like a glove ''I love you'' Guaranteed ''Suck this Rita, it seems like someone is no longer being rolled up!'' Her fiance - FIANCE !!! - laughed, seeming to explode with happiness, lifting her in his lap and placing her sitting on the table, smiling like a predatory wolf

''Well, Mrs Potter'' Ginny winced when his mouth strolled around her neck, his head falling back in order to guarantee full light to him, his beard causing delicious chills ''We need to celebrate properly''

'' You're going to be late '' She had the presence of mind to say, moaning when she felt a hand massaging her breast

''I dont care''

I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A Team I wanna be your endgame

#hinny #hinnyheadcanon #hinnyprompt #hinny au #Harry Potter #harry X ginny #fanfic prompt #harry auror #ginnyPOTTER #Ginny #hp fanfic #hp and the deathly hallows #hp couples #hp post epilogue #read-a-hinny-fic #my fic #reputation #end game

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tigereyes45 · 3 years

Note

Can you write something with someone giving Doc love and respect? Bonus points if its not Donut (I love donut but I want more than just him to love doc 😫)

Thanks for this request! I went for probably the rarest dynamic in the fandom but I enjoyed working on this! Here’s the Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429991 (If you want it gifted to you let me know!)

Rediscovery

Carolina wasn't all too sure as to what Doc's whole thing was. Even now as she watches him pacing around the kitchen she couldn't really figure out why he was still hanging out with them. Donut was gone. As far as she had seen the red soldier was the only one even remotely close to the purple clad medic. Did he have no where else to go? He had been friendly enough with Temple's lot. Surely he could find another group of friends on Chorus. Even she had managed to meet, some people.

Slowly sipping from the cup of hot chocolate in her hands, Carolina silently ponders. Every reason she conjures can be wiped away with knowledge of just how this group works. Maybe he feels loyal to them? If he did he wouldn't have betrayed them for an AI posing to be a god. Did he like them? Grif had made it clear that Doc doesn't like any of them. Not a single one, save for perhaps Donut. If all he cared for was the one of them now gone then why? If it wasn't for Washington and Church she wouldn't have stayed long enough to even care for the others. If it wasn't for Church she wouldn't have stayed long enough to actually give a damn about Wash.

"Carolina?"

With an expression she can only describe as total and utter despair Doc stands stock still just beyond the counter. Watching her with small, beady, brown eyes. She couldn't see but Carolina would bet that his knees were knocking against each other. As soon as her gaze meets his, the medic looks away.

"Sorry, um, but I just," he stops and looks down at the coffee cup. "Didn't you make that for Washington?"

With a brief glance she sees that he was, in fact, correct. She bites her lip. Letting a hiss out Carolina sets it down. "Yeah though I doubt he'll drink it now."

"Haven't you two shared beers before?"

"Yeah," but that wasn't the problem. She had become so distracted that it was lukewarm at best. Only the soulless drink hot chocolate lukewarm. "It's too cold now."

"Oh I'm sure you can heat it up real quick in the microwave." She must've made a face because he immediately backtracks. "Or, or not! I'll just start making another cup for him! Well for you too take to him! Tucker still doesn't want me too close to Wash. Apparently his injury uh, made him too gullible." He turns around and starts opening the cabinets. With almost every door open he finally finds the right shelf. He's lived here for months already. How does he not know where their cups are yet?

"Not that I can blame him! I did try to kill them, and I betrayed everyone. Even Donut." There's a sadness in his voice then. Not the pathetic kind of tone that made her feel pity for him. Then disgust at feeling it. That emotion she's still not sure how to deal with.

"So why'd you do it?"

With a jolt he goes rigid. The sky blue mug he just pulled down goes flying. It smacks against his finger before spinning as it hurdles towards the ground. Acting on instinct Carolina runs around the bar between them. As if coming out of a trance Doc drops, hands held out in front of him like a mitt catching a baseball coming straight down at it. Somehow he was fast enough to save the mug. Though he fell on his ass right after. "What?"

"Why'd you do it?" He humbly looks down at the mug in his hands. Carolina crouches down. She looks at it too. It wasn't one Tucker or Caboose had gotten while out shopping. This wasn't their color. Even though they were blue team, the two of them didn't like shades of blue that were so light. It was too close to his color. Casually she takes the cup from his shaking hands. With dull eyes Doc's head follows the mug. His body never really stops moving. Not even when he's sitting down. On that it was easy to relate to him. "Why did you betray Donut?"

For the first time he looks her in the eye. He still wasn't confident. Carolina's not sure if he has ever been confident in his life. Well there was that time he supposedly helped saved Wash in the Labyrinth. Apparently he was more confident then Wash was. Given how it was David's nightmare scenario it was probably easier for others to be confident in it. A shiver runs down her spine. She should have been there for him. If she had just been faster about getting over that fight,

"I don't know."

Simple and honest. What did she expect? Some long winded answer about all the little things they had done to him and how it built up over the years? Well that would be more in character for people who've dealt with the reds and blues.

Carolina rests the mug back on the counter. Standing, Carolina cracks her neck.

"Fair enough."

"What?"

Shrugging Carolina offers him a hand. "I said that's fair enough. So why are you still here?"

Timidly he takes her hand. With a firm grip she pulls him up easily. He feels like a small sack of potatoes to her.

"Ah well will I don't know work answer that too?"

"It could but I think that's a lie."

"But it worked the first time?" His voice cracks on the but. It was sort of funny.

"The first time you were honest." She lets him go and absentmindedly runs a finger around it's edge. "Not knowing why you betray this bunch is easy. But sticking around." He leans on the counter next to her. "You know why you're still here."

"I guess it's nicer then being alone." Simple and honest. It was starting to be his theme.

Carolina slides the mug across the counter towards him. He catches it easily without even looking. Those beady eyes were zoned in on something in the distance. An image she just can't see. A moment she's not a part of. It's not so bad being part of the watching of when a person lives one of those moments again. A silent comrade in the now. An anchor. Lately all it feels like is that she's weighing everyone down. Though she rather it be her then Wash burdened with that feeling.

"Could've gone with Donut."

Doc chuckles. "I could've. I love him. Well loved. Maybe I still do. I don't know." He runs a hand through his graying hair. How much stressed caused that? "We lived together before. Twice. Out of everyone we were the two abandoned. TWO TIMES." His laughter grows darker, slower.

"It was just us and Lopez once. Which was nice. The second time it felt like there was something off. It was like he had grown or changed. I was the same." Doc taps the mug against the grayish blue marble counter. "You know who else hasn't changed?"

"The reds and blues."

"Bingo. They were the same more or less. The same and they needed help. You freelancers, you can fight. I can't save someone from dying but I have something to do when I'm around them."

Carolina nods slowly, listening closely. "They have changed."

"Yeah they did, Eventually. In a gradual, slower then a fucking snail sort of way. I haven't changed since I had to deal with having my head to myself again. Then finding out he wasn't really gone. There was still an imprint in my head. A twisted distorted feeling. He was still there. I craved to have him there."

"They make you feel stronger. AIs."

"They do, but I think I'm starting to feel strong without him. I'm becoming me again." Doc finally sets the cup back down. It rings out one last time. He pushes himself off the counter and smiles. Taking an easy stance he rests his hands on his hips and looks back at her. Finally free of that memory. "And these guys were the last people who knew me before O'Malley. I feel closer to the old me around them, and if I can help, even from a distance I'll stick around for that."

It didn't take finding someone who knew the old her for Carolina to heal, but being with these assholes was nice. They helped push that progress along.

"It sounds like you have a plan."

"For once, I do!" He says it so cheerfully, she can't help but smile. It's the happiest she's ever heard him sound.

She grabs the mug and pushes it back into his hands. "Why don't you take Wash his drink?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah Doc. You aren't the only one of a journey of recovery."

"Thanks Car."

"Carolina."

"Right. Carolina. Sorry." He dips his head back down.

"Don't worry about it. I don't let anyone call me by a nickname." Doc smiles and somehow he knows right where the hot chocolate packets are. "And Doc,"

"Yeah?" He looks nervously back over his shoulder.

"You'll find yourself again. It just takes time."

There's a falter in his nervous smile. A simple moment when she thought she saw doubt. It's gone in a flash. He goes right back to making the hot chocolate.

"Thanks Carolina. I hope I do."

#rvb #fanfic #fanfiction #ff #ao3 #red vs blue #carolina #doc #carolina and doc friendship #respect #prompt #I hope this helps you feel better!

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diary-of-deadweight · 4 years

Text

Could you please write an imagine where the reader is visiting Asgard with Thor, and that’s where she meets Loki? She is very intrigued by him or something, and starts liking him, but denies it? - requested by @netflixandchill06

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

You didn’t know where you were exactly, one moment you were sitting within the library of stark tower reading catcher in the rye by the fireplace with the curtains drawn as the muffled sound of a clock ticking could be heard in the background as you were lost within the little paperbacked realm you held within your hands only to be flat on your ass upon a what looked to be a crystallised rainbow quartz bridge that appeared to correspond to physical contact by upping its brightness a tad.

Let’s not mention about the towering mass of constructed gold that sat a way aways from you, emulating an air of royalty and superiority as it shimmered and shined beneath the golden sun, casting its massive shadow over the remainder of the kingdom almost as if they were under constant observation by a corrupt king but you couldn’t overlook the beauty of it either; it was so surreal, so ethereal that you swore that if you tried to reach out, the whole fanciful mirage would fade away and you’d be back in the library once more.

“(Y/n) (l/n)?” A deep monotonous voice called upon you, yanking you out of the self made trance by casting their shadow over you so that when you finally looked up you were greeted by a striking pair of burning ember orbs that seemed to glow. “...yes...that is I...” You cringed at the sound of your voice that clearly betrayed the level-headedly calm emotion you wanted to portray only to come out as a ‘I’m about to fucking shit myself fam where am I?!’ Voice...you must sound so fucking pathetic to this hulking ember eyed person in the golden suit of armour that shimmered and shined as brightly as the place from before.

The man only raised a brow at this before turning to set his attention on the something that was apparently imerging behind you with a blank face with such intensity that would’ve made you wished the bridge swallowed you whole right here right now, you couldn’t find it within yourself to turn around as you were still scared stuff by the towering male before you along with the fact that you were in a unidentifiable area with no recollection of how you got there in the first place but thank fuck that you could understand them or else you would’ve been screwed greatly.

“I’ve been expecting your arrival Thor but I didn’t think it’d be this soon nor you bringing a comrade at that or I would’ve made preparations.” He casted you a gaze for a split second.

Thor? Thor Odinson? As in the same Thor as your avengers teammate Thor? Thor as in the Thor who eats out your pop tart stash within two days Thor? God of thunder, prince of Asgard Thor? Her took you here without your concent?!?!? AN INDECENT THING OF HIM TO DO, DOESN’T HE KNOW CONCENT IS KEY?!? Okay you were being dramatic but I think you’ve gained the permission to do so at this moment wouldn’t you say so?

“Ah apologies Heimdall, I just recalled a memory of which includes (y/n) here,” the golden locked deity slapped a hand upon your shoulder with such force that you swore the rainbow quartz bridge had cracked but then again you were relieved that you were on your else or else you would’ve been sent halfway through the bridge right now, “confessing one day that they’ve never been to Asgard before so I wanted to surprise them by giving them a grand tour of the palace to get them acquainted with foreign grounds.”

‘That was during a team game night of never have I ever...I don’t even remember half of the shit that went down that night and that is the first thing he remembers? Do asgardians have better memory then us?’ You thought to yourself as you stared up at Thor with a ‘how did you remember that’ look only to get a cheeky grin in return. Heimdall nodded in understanding, pointing a finger towards what you suspected was the end of the bridge with such a straight face the you wonder if the muscle structure within his face was removed as a child because you couldn’t hold a straight face when being accused of painting hello kitties all over caps sheild and tonys Ironman suit out of pure boredom. It was a talent for sure.

“There are, conveniently, two horses saddled and ready to escort you both to the palace whenever your ready.”

Oh fuck, your screwed.

The last time you’ve ridden an animal was when you were a child at the beach where they were giving out free donkey rides, your ass was gonna get a hammering of a lifetime so your mentally preparing to tape two bags of ice to your battered ass cheeks for when you get back to base.

Thor didn’t seem to take notice of your fearful face as he smiled brightly at Heimdall before carefully yanking you up from the ground with ease, dragging you away from Heimdall, who was already making his way back towards a golden dome without sparing a second glance back and before you knew what was happening you were stood at the end of the rainbow quartz bridge, staring at the sight of a strong stallion with a white coat and a blonde mane and a grey mare with a black braided mane staring you both down with their differentiating eyes, making you even less enthusiastic about all this.

“You ready (y/n)?” Thor asked from upon his trusty steed in the correct position and posture that indicated that this wasn’t his first rodeo with horse ridding, the reigns laxed within his hands as he watched you with slight amusement dancing in his cerulean blue eyes as you struggled to get your foot into the stirrup and tussling around to get a more comfortable position, which to your figuration was pretty much impossible upon a horses back, shooting the muscled male a less then convincing smile, internally screaming at yourself to get off before it was too late and that you could just walk the rest of the way like Jaskier from the Witcher since Geralt wasn’t the type to let anyone else who wasn’t him to ride Roach, your palms began sweating furiously as your body wracked with nerves and anxiety.

“Yeah, ready as ever pal...” but knowing the deity for a while you knew that he has troubles picking up on ques such as this and urged his horse down the dirt path in a successful gallop with relative ease while you stayed stuck for a good 5 minutes before you took down down the track in a slow trot...this was gonna be a hefty journey wasn’t it?

-timeskip-

Hours of ass hankerings and almost falls later you and Thor have made it to the towering mass of gold that you now know was the asgardian palace, Thor’s home, lucky bastard; As you pulled up to the stables, two servants came rushing out towards you and Thor, hands out ready to take the well trained horses from your hands but before you could wave them off and tell them you could take care of it, which was an absolute bullshit lie because you hated having people do mundane shit you know damn well you were fully capable of doing, Thor managed to steer you into the palace through its winding complex hallways you could easily get lost within without a guide, gaining some stares from passing maids and servants alike who must’ve thought you were his next conquest or something which made your stomach regurgitate and send an unpleasant shiver down your spine.

You only thought of Thor as a brother, a friend at best so when people assume that you were something more because you had great chemistry with each other grinds your gears and forced you to suppress the urge to vomit. Unknowing of where you were supposed to be heading exactly you piped up your enquirees in a unnerving tone, “Thor? Where are we going exactly... asking for a friend I.e me.”

Thor laughed at this before vaguely responding with, “To introduce you to a someone whom I hold in high regard of course.” His walk slows down gradually when nearing a large set of double doors with golden handknobs at the end of the hallway with a plaque that read ‘biblioteket.’ It must be a library or something since you remembered Thor telling you how since Asgard didn’t rely on electronics they would have books for entertainment or go to pubs for a laugh, which to you sounded like a fever dream considering how everyone had their noses stuck in their phones nowadays, wasting away perfectly good opportunities.

Thor opened the mahogany door by the cool golden doorknob, letting go of your shoulder as to let you inside first like a gentlemen, escourting you deeper into the ginormous room as a wave of musky old book smell hit you like a freight train as if the extensive collection of books didn’t knock you off your feet leaving you with a dropped jaw as you stared around the room in wonder as you all you could fathom in that moment was that you were in literature heaven as far as your eyes could see was bookshelves amongst bookshelves ram packed with every book imaginable not to mention ancient spell books, history books in their natural transcription only took your breath away.

If you thought Stark library was impressive upon first glance well the Asgard palace had it bested hands down, you could waste away your days here and feel accomplished, it was sad that nowadays everything was digital so books were now becoming modern day relics essentially but you enjoyed reading the old fashioned way because it felt as if you were actually holding something magical within your hands, something special that could transport you anywhere you heart desires instead of holding a electronic device that everyone alive had possession of it couldn’t beat the feeling you’d always get when opening a new book ready to start another journey, never in a million life times.

Too speechless to speak you just let your body wander between aisle after aisle of paperback to hardback books in wonder, not bothering to check if Thor was following after you as you were long gone by the spectacle of beauty that surrounded you, books from any time period possible from Shakespeare to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Tolkien, R.L Stein, Derek Landy, George R.R. Martin, J.K Rowling to modern classics.

You felt like Belle when she saw Beasts private library, awestruck, you didn’t think a thousand lifetimes could even scratch the surface of reading every last book within the facility no matter the reading difficulty but you could damn as well try, plus the library didn’t have that many occupants anyway so reading in utter silence couldn’t be anymore easier then breathing.

“Impressed by our exstensive array of books I see?” A silky smooth voice spoke up from behind you, dripping in amusement and slight cockiness that you only heard from a certain genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist back at home...you remembered a time in your life refusing to call the avengers base home, claiming it was the hill you were willing to die upon but the you you were all those years back is not the same exact person you were today; you sure have changed from that stubborn headed individual who refused to confined to shit, it was nuts really but not out of the ordinary because the you you were yesterday isn’t the same you you are today or however the saying goes, you didn’t have the best memory.

Turning around you saw a slim built of a male with a knack for the colours of green, black and gold, (and leather apprently) an ivory complexion blessed with high cheekbones, elegant jawline that’s not to sharp yet not too soft just the right middle ground, perfectly sculpted nose but the selling point was his piercing jade eyes that had specks of cerulean blue within them as the sunlight refracted from a nearby widow had shown you, his face framed by the silkiest head of onyx locks you’ve seen cascaded down to gradually rest on top his broad shoulders with grace.

You didn’t think he was real upon first glance due to his ethereal balance of masculine and feminine qualities but here he was, present before you in the flesh, sat on a royal purple plush couch, leather bound book resting upon his lap, gently caressed by long, nimble piano fingers.

“W.....who are-“

“Loki Laufeyson at your service,” Loki gave a little mock bow from his place as best as he could with a fraction of a smile, “who may you be little dove?” He asked with what others may’ve assumed was a condescending look in his mischievous eyes but in fact was a look of pure intrigue and curiousness, head slightly titled to the side made him look somewhat adorable in your eyes for some reason. Mentally ridding yourself of that thought you exaggerated a curtsy as you introduced yourself, putting on the most poshest voice you could imitate.

“I’m (y/f/n), full time avenger and part time bookworm.”

Something within your exaggerated introduction must’ve tickled the handsome mans funny bone as his tight lipped mouth curled up into a smirk of sorts as a light rumble of laughter filled the air, echoing off the walls. Even his laugh was elegant, you thought that sort of feet was near enough inhumanly possible as you either get ugly laughs or average joe laughs but he was just smashing through your expectations as if they were made out of paper machae.

“At least one of you imbeciles has a sense of humour.” He said as he finally calmed down, shooting you a small genuine smile.

“I take it you don’t dish out such kind hearted compliments much?” You sarcastically inquired the jade eyed enchanter with vague innocence, still entranced by his laugh from earlier and you could already assume that he rarely laughed as much as he did today then in his entire lifetime.

The raven haired male chuckled once more replying, “even if I did people are quick to assume I’m after something and are on immediate awareness other then that it’s usually used as a empty sarcastic retort.”

“It seems you can’t win everyone over.” “Especially if your the god of mischief and lies, then no, you can’t.”

There was a beat of silent of silence between the two of you as you found yourself engaged in a starting contest with the deity, taking the chance to admire his sun soaked features that gave you the feeling that your only witnessing what he wants you to witness, hiding another side to him that he didn’t seem all that keen on, something that is hung over his head like a constant reminder of an ugly truth he wished was fictional but sadly was the solid truth; he was hiding a side he considers unbearable, inhuman and most of all...unloveable.

For some reason within your chest, deep down, you felt an unfamiliar tightness that was neither constricting nor too loose, a feeling you’ve never really had in the presence of others really. You felt as if you were the MC of a poorly written romance novel that thought it was gonna make it big but is yet to escape the coverage of the authors mothers basment. Where

the love interest, Male/female, oh most defiantly straighter then uncooked pasta, and the main character, Male/female with the straightness of an nail, having a ‘moment’ staring deep into each other’s eyes after spending half of the plot either eye fucking each other from a distance or arguing with each other, building up sexual tension in the most cringest way possible by having them touch each other in what you suppose to suspect was ‘intimate.’ Before coming together in a sloppy ass kiss that makes you cringe and turn your head away, most preferably in the rain for some dramatic crap; but then again there were times like this that were ruined by an unnamed side character who’s somehow connected to either mc or love interest in order to keep people interested in their inevitable hook up and in this scenario that unnamed character was a naive blonde by the name of...

“Thor, what brings you here.” Loki seemingly spat out poisonously, jade eyes narrowing into slits at the very person who had to hog all the spotlight with his hulking mass, leaving no room whatsoever for his lean yet muscled little brother an ounce of warm light to soak in, to be cast away into the shadows, coddling a baby flicker of emerald fire between his hands in hopes that one day it’ll get bigger and stronger to power through the frost bitten criticism along the way.

“I came here with (y/n) to show them around Asgard and introduce them to you but it seemed that your already well acquainted with one another.” The battleborn deity looked between his beloved brother and his beloved teammate awkwardly as if he had just intruded on something sacred, something souly crafted to suit you and the god of mischief.

Unable to withstand the awkwardness, Thor bids his brother a farewell before taking you by the arm once more to lead you back out of the fanciful room of literature, leaving you no time to bid the entrancing Loki and the magnificently magical room adue but he was sure to send you a little farewell wave with his fingers as emerald magic materialised around them and his book, hoisting it back onto the bookcase before yanking a new one down as the Mahogany doors came to a close behind you.

“Sooo,” Thor drew out teasingly, nudging you with his broad shoulder a little too roughly leaving you stumbling as you strolled through the complex hallways to what you could presume was going to be your next pit stop of the grand tour, “you and Loki seemed quite...intrigued with one another so it seems.”

Your face flushed candy apple red as the sense of embarrassment encased your being, averting your eyes to the spectacularly clean flooring as to not see the smug look upon Thor’s face; oh most defiantly ready to talk his brother up for a potential suitor, all behind his brothers back no less.

“He’s...He’s just an interesting guy, nothing more nothing less.” You quickly denied, making him let out his thunderous laugh as he threw an arm around your shoulder, ruffling you hair playfully.

“Yeaaaaaahhhh....sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

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