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a-crumb-of-whump · 3 months

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Content: Alcohol, addiction, recovery, relapse, experimental whump, lab rat whumpee (kind of), non-con drugging (kind of), mentioned withdrawals, mentioned multiple whumpers.

"Have you been drinking?" Caretaker asked as they sat down their bag beside the living room couch. Much to their disappointment, Whumpee's slurred speech was enough of an answer without even having to listen to what they were saying. "Whumpee..."

"I've heard it all b'fore," they mumbled. "I don't care anym're."

Caretaker crouched down in front of them, resting a hand on their knee in an attempt to gain their attention. "Hey, we're gonna get through this, okay? It's just a little setback. That's to be expected."

"Shouldn't have t'get through it." Whumpee's voice broke as they said it. "Was doin' well. Had a job, 'n' friends 'n' family. Then- then they had to ruin it."

They knew it was wrong to ask. Whumpee had been so secretive about what they'd gone through, it was hard to pinpoint why they'd developed a lot of the behavioral habits that they had now. They clearly didn't want anyone to know, and yet Caretaker couldn't help it.

"How did they ruin it?" they asked gently. "What did they do to you?"

There was a small pause as Whumpee seemed to have an inner fight with themself over what to say. For a moment, Caretaker thought that they might refuse to answer, like they'd done so many times before. However, the words eventually started to tumble out one by one before they could stop.

"They gave me this f-fucking addiction." They held the half-empty beer bottle close to their chest, staring down at the floor beneath them. "Kept usin' me as their little lab rat. Feeding me different alchohols t'see how I reacted to it. There were three of 'em... They only wanted me gone when my withdrawals b'came too much t'handle."

Caretaker remained silent, gently stroking Whumpee's knee with their thumb as they waited for them to continue. The weight in their chest was getting heavier, the moisture in their eyes getting more noticeable. They hated the vivid images that played in their mind. It was hard to tell whether they regretted asking or not.

After a few long moments of obvious consideration, Whumpee sniffled and shakily placed the bottle down on the side table closest to them. "I can't sleep without it. I can't feel anything without it. It's- it's not that I w'nna be dependent on it, b't..."

"You don't have to keep talking about it," Caretaker whispered. "Thank you. Thank you for telling me, and I'm so, so sorry that you had to be there for so long before someone found you."

Whumpee rested their head back against the couch, shutting their eyes for a moment as a few tears fell down their cheeks. "I w'nna try again tomorrow. To- to stop, I mean."

"We can do that." Caretaker took a deep breath, as though trying to rid themself of the weight of the conversation. "I don't think you're going to remember a lot of this tomorrow, though."

They gave a sluggish head shake. "Y'can tell me all about it when I wake up."

Caretaker nodded. "I will."

#whump #whump stuff #whump things #whump thoughts #whump tropes #whump prompts #whump ideas #whump scenarios #multiple whumpers #recovery whump

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itsplumwriter · 1 year

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Bucky Finds Out Your Boyfriend Is Abusive

POV: Bucky finds out your boyfriend just hit you and decides to confront him.

ok so this one is a little dark and obviously there will be several trigger warnings. if you can relate to this in anyway.. i am sooo sorry. God did not create relationships for us to be victimized or abused in. if you are in an abusive relationship right now please tell someone as fast as you can, know that you deserve better and need to be treated properly. if you escaped an abusive relationship and are dealing with the aftermath, please know that healing is a process; sometimes you'll feel great, other times you may relapse into despair; just know you are not your past, how they treated you doesn’t define you, and greater days are ahead - you made the right choice by getting out of there. I'll pray God watches over and blesses all your relationships, dolls <3

Dedicated to Bridget <33

Recommended song: shawn mendes - treat you better (slowed)

trigger warnings: abuse, bruises, toxic/abusive relationship, slight physical altercation

--- --- ---

Bucky was having the best time.

It had been forever since you had come over just to hang out; he'd almost forgotten how fun it was. Bucky had ordered pizza in. You brought over some chocolate ice-cream. And the two of you threw popcorn at each other while watching Disney movies and working on a puppy puzzle. It was a simple hangout, yet it meant everything to Bucky.

He missed you... a lot.

Ever since you started dating another agent from Shield you rarely had time to hang out with him anymore. He knew it was his own fault for not asking you out first. He had liked you for a long time, but he had waited too long... Nearly a year of flirting, but he never made a move.

He was afraid if he did he’d lose you as a friend altogether. And there was no chance of him hurting you if you were with someone else, so he figured maybe it was better this way.

The problem was you didn't even seem happy with this boyfriend of yours... you always looked drained when you came into work, as if you hadn't slept all night, and you were constantly on your phone responding to his incessant texts and calls.

There was a time when you even stopped smiling, stopped hanging out with the rest of the team, stopped talking to Bucky altogether.

Bucky was about to confront you about your change in behavior, but you kept turning down his invites to hangout, saying you and your boyfriend were too busy.

In reality it was because your boyfriend didn't want you hanging out with anyone else, especially Bucky. He gathered quickly the dynamic between you and Bucky and immediately categorized it as a threat. So, out of jealousy, he didn't allow you to see him except at work.

The fact was, you were miserable. The slightest thing could set your boyfriend off. You were walking on eggshells at all times trying to keep him happy. He hadn't hit you as of yet, but he had thrown things and yelled so loud it'd make you cry. You wanted to break up with him; but you were just so terrified of the reaction you kept putting it on hold.

He must have suspected this because today he finally agreed to allow you to see your best friend Bucky (as long as you agreed to text him before and after). You jumped on the opportunity.

You popped some popcorn into your mouth, watching Bucky scrunch his nose, concentrating on fitting a piece into the puppy puzzle.

You smiled… you missed him.

You had forgotten how nice it was to hang out with him. How easy.

There had been a light on-and-off buzzing sound all throughout your visit with Bucky that you'd been ignoring. When you heard it again, you realized what it was.

You nearly knock over the popcorn, searching your bag for your phone. Your stomach flips the moment you see it.

Apparently, your boyfriend had changed his mind about allowing you to hang out with Bucky and wanted you home immediately…. two hours ago.

Your heart sinks. “I've gotta go..." you utter.

"Already...?"

You barely nod before you grab your bag and scurry out of there.

"Alright… well then, I guess I'll see you lat--"

You slam the door before he can finish. You didn't mean to ignore him. But you were terrified. Terrified of the result of this.

Bucky's eyebrows were still furrowed long after you left. His eyes wander to the floor when he sees you left your wallet behind.

--- --- ---

Bucky approaches the door of your apartment, your wallet in hand. He'd come to return it as well as see what was the cause of your urgency.

It takes you a while to answer the door and when you do Bucky turns stark white.

You're holding an icepack to your eye, and there is blood on your lip and brow.

It takes you a moment to realize it’s him. You turn red from embarrassment.

"Bucky... I- I thought you were someone else..."

Bucky pushes his way in, lifting your chin to inspect your face. "Y/N?? What happened to you?"

You drop your gaze. "Nothing... I'm fine.”

Bucky starts looking around the apartment.

"Did your boyfriend do this to you?" he asks, urgently.

You don't answer him. You can't even look at him.

Bucky begins searching the entire apartment.

"Where is he??"

"I don't know..."

"Y/n!! Tell me!!"

"I don't know! The bar maybe?... Why?"

Bucky nods, storming out the apartment.

"Bucky, where are you going??"

Before you knew it, he was gone.

--- --- ---

Bucky strides into the bar, fuming at this point. It only takes him a few moments to spot your boyfriend by the bar table, talking to a group of people.

The guy is all smiles and without a scratch on him. This makes Bucky even madder.

Your boyfriend spots him and cheers. "Hey! Metal man! What are you doing here?"

He doesn't know Bucky that well. In fact, he seemed to go out of his way to ignore him at work, especially after finding out Bucky was such good friends with you. But his fake charm had always been a part of his façade. Bucky couldn't believe he never realized it. Never realized this man was abusive.

Bucky doesn't break his momentum; as soon as he's close, he shoves him hard on the shoulder and snatches him by his neck, making his grin vanish into thin air.

The bar quiets down to eavesdrop.

"I'm not going to hurt you, because I'm not that guy anymore..." Bucky says, through gritted teeth. "But if you touch y/n again... Rule #2 won't be the only thing I'll break around here..."

Bucky releases him, turning to leave quickly before his anger lands him in jail.

"I don't see how it's any of your business, Barnes..." he calls out, adjusting his collar.

Bucky stops mid-walk.

"I mean, she's my girl... I can do whatever I want…”

Bucky turns around, moving on him like a hyena before grabbing his neck, lifting him clean off the ground and slamming him hard against the table.

He growls. "Don't test me..."

With Bucky’s hand on his neck, he makes small gurgling noises and turns red before conceding.

"Alright!!" He manages to squeeze out.

Bucky releases, dropping him to the floor with a thud.

Random drunkards in the bar start whistling and cheering for Bucky.

But Bucky's expression doesn't change. He storms out the bar, headed back to his main area of concern. You.

--- --- ---

"Y/n... you still in here?"

Bucky steps into your apartment cautiously.

You get up from the couch. “Bucky... what happened?"

Bucky goes straight to your room, pulling a bag from your closet and throwing clothes in from your dresser.

“I almost ripped his head off… but I didn’t. I’m pretty sure he’ll leave you alone now though.”

You watch Bucky packing your clothes. “What are you doing?"

“You're not safe here... He could come back to your apartment...”

Your heart warms at the sight of his actions. The act was sweet. Bucky had always been sweet. The only guy who actually cared and was a good friend to you. You needed to tell him. It was unfair to keep it a secret any longer.

"Bucky, you should know, I never really liked him... I've always really liked you."

Bucky turns white, clearing his throat. "Do you wanna stay at Nat's house tonight?"

"...Bucky, did you hear me?"

"Hmm?"

You purse your lips together. "What do you think about what I just said..."

Bucky doesn't respond, continuing to fling your clothes into your bag.

“Bucky…?”

Your stomach twists with embarrassment. "Look, if you don't feel the same way, you can just say so, but don't act like you can’t hear me--"

"Y/n, of course I feel the same way!" he blurts and it silences you. "And I feel sick to my stomach I waited so long to tell you... waited so long that you had to waste your time with that clown... If I had just admitted it earlier that jerk wouldn't have had the chance to... I should have just... this is all my fault."

Bucky plops down on the edge of your bed, burying his hands in his face, starting to sob.

You wait a moment before approaching him, putting your hand on his shoulder. "Bucky, this isn't your fault... like at all."

Bucky sighs. "Thanks, doll… but I know it’s not true…”

You lift Bucky’s chin with your hand. “Listen to me Bucky. This is his fault… and his fault alone. You hear me?”

Bucky looks up at you, examining your bruises again, putting his hand on your cheek. "Does it hurt, doll..."

You shake your head, softly wiping his tears. "Not really... I’d say it’s getting better.”

Bucky nods.

“Ill drive you to Nat’s house. But after that, what do you need? Is there anything else I can do?”

You shrug. “… Nothing you haven’t already done since the day we met… Just be there for me.”

—- —- —-

hope you guys liked it <3

Follow me on insta: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

Join our community: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

<33

love you dolls! xo

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persesphonestears · 9 months

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Saw an incorrect quote thing from @blingblong55 with the request/idea from @san-emi and it gave me a silly idea.

So here's my sorta take on the joke though all credit besides the few things I changed up belongs to the two previously tagged.

TW'S - selfharm, humour as a coping mechanism, sorta dark topic, light-hearted, [as stated below this isn't a way to make light of selfharm, I've been through it and use humour and jokes like these to help cope.]

TW - Joke contains 'dark' humour or someone/[Reader] using humour to cope with selfharm. If this is triggering for you please don't read. {nothing graphic} (This is not me making light of people who use selfharm as a coping mechanism.) !!Keep reading at your own risk!!

Gaz: so R/n, what do you do in your free time when your not 'round us lot?

R/n: oh you know, the usual, cutting myself

Gaz: huh oh cool.. *registers what they said*…wot?

Soap, head perking up: ‘aye, com again lad?

*Ghost stares[glares] hard at R/n*

R/n: a lotta sLacK *slaps knees, wheezing* gotcha all there didn’t I? Huh? Ehhhhh? *under their breath* I'm so funny

Gaz: you little shit. really?

Ghost, muttering under his breath: bloody fuckin hell

Soap: steamin' Jesus mate... *nervous laugh*

R/n: Yeah but I mean I haven't relapsed in a while! *smiling like they didn't just admit to their whole team they probably need more mandatory therapy sessions*

Everyone besides R/n: *deadpanned* oh for fucks sake.

.Minutes later.

Price: Yes Laswell, they made another one. Yes of course I've told them to stop making jokes about it. Hell, I've even given them more training when they do it yet it continues! I just- get them more therapy sessions and talk with the therapist to see what medication they should be taking.

R/n: *in Prices office with a frown/pout for being told off again*

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lokisrealpurpous · 5 months

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words hurt like a blade

pt2

part one here

father!loki x daughter!reader

warnings: sh, bullying,description of wounds and scars, mentions of suicidal thoughts ext.

description

when loki finds out his little girl isn't dealing with things well, falling into dangerous habits that he once did too, he does everything to try and look after her.

☆ please please do not read this if you find anything in the warnings list at all triggering, keep yourself safe and I'm always here if anyone needs me or just needs someone to message ☆

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It had been a few weeks since the accident, and loki hadn't been sleeping well at all. The thought of his little girl hurting herself and feeling so hopeless and scared twisted his stomach, he couldn't bare it. She was still in the healers room, bandages wrapped round both her colour drained yet swollen arms and pots and pots of medicines on the bedside desk. Her face was white and the dark bags under her eyes exposed her exhaustion, her hair was dreaded in uncountable knots and she was barley eating due to the sickness from the scene that repetivaly played out in flashbacks in her head, seeing the wounds open on her stained wrists and the blood that ran down her thighs.

y/ns eyes slowly blinked open, the light burning them. Straight away she felt the pounding in her head, black dots bouncing in the air as she swayed in her hospital bed.

"I'm sorry."

She mumbled over and over again.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry... I'm so-"

suddenly a large pair of arms wrapped around her waist, kissing her forehead and rocking her left and right.

"shhhhh angel."

loki whispered.

"I've messed it all up... I've... it wasn't you... I.... I'm sorry... dad i-"

She broke into sobs, the fear and sadness stealing her breath as she gasped through the tears. Lokis heart shattered into pieces, tears whelling in his eyes as he pushed himself onto the hospital bed, sitting I front of her with crossed legs, his hands taking hers and looking up at her.

"I love you princess... don't ever doubt that. I want.. I need you to talk to me.. to trust me. I've been here angel I have and.. I want you to have someone you can go to.. urges.. Relapse.. anything."

He practically begged as he kept her hands in a strong yet gentle embrace. She simply just nodded in reply.

"it's not the right way to deal with things sweetheart its not. It leaves scars and its so fucking dangerous I cant bare to loose you.. especially not like that."

He rolled up his sleve and her eyes widened.

"they scar more than you think.. if you take my word on how much you'll regret it in the future you'll save yourself a lifetime of doubt."

he chuckled softly kissing your forehead, then taking your hands again and looking you in the eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you more.."

"Imposible"

"Mm."

she scrambled into his embrace and hugged him tightly, wrapping around the blankets as she lay on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her. He brushed soft strokes and began to hum your favourite asgardian melody from when you were little.

"om hjem

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

When she sings she sings come home

I stormsvarte fjell jeg vandrer alene

Over isbreen tar jeg meg frem

I eplehagen står møyen den vene

Og synger: når kommer du hjem?

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

Når hun synger, hun synger

Kom hjem

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

When she sings she sings come home

When she sings she sings come home"

He looked down to her sleeping form snuggled around him and smiled softly.

"I'll look after you angel"

He said before kissing her head and brushing a strand of hair out her face, then laying down to sleep himself.

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m0ss-head · 15 days

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Content Warning: Talks about eating disorders/disordered eating, just mentions, but I figure it's better to be safe! :]

I saw someone say food is freedom in One Piece, and like. Yeah. Even in this world, food is freedom, isn't it? So allow me to ramble about why One Piece's message, or at least how interept it, is so very important to me.

I think the reason One Piece hits and hurts so hard, for me, is because of how it talks about and what it insinuates about food and loneliness and freedom. The way those who love food have such a freedom to them, the way food brings so many together. I've struggled my entire life with loneliness, then I began to struggle with the freedom to be myself, and then I began to struggle with food. I lost my freedom again, just in a new and confusing way. I have found the freedom to be myself, but I still struggle greatly with food. Honestly, I've relapsed rather hard into my eating disorder lately. A bit before my relapse, I began watching One Piece and I think it didn't register with my how important food is in the OPverse but as I go on I begin to realize it more and more. Luffy's love for food, Luffy's kindness and willingness to give help to the ends of the earth when that food is shared. I think at first I found it a bit odd, but really, it makes sense. These people often struggle under an oppressive government or in deep poverty, and despite that, they are kind enough to share with someone who's hungry. It's almost a way to show that, though they aren't free, they have not lost the free will. And then, after the fight, once these people have gained their freedom, a giant feast the size of which they likely have no indulged on in so long is had. They dance and eat and enjoy each others company and bask in their freedom.

Or when Ace joins the Whitebeard pirates, his last conversation with Marco before officially joining, he is offered a meal despite all he's done. He's felt he was was being backed into a corner, so he snarls and shows his teeth, he shows them his worst. He tries to kill their captain for christ sake! But, still, they offer him food. I think food hold a lot of importantance towards Ace as well.

And, dear God, the thesis I could write on Zeff and Sanji's relationship with food. I could make an entire blog full of different eating disorders/disordered eating habits I headcanon Sanji with. But, I'll condense it a bit. Sanji's self-worth and his relationship with food is a symbolism I will never get over. I'm sure there is a part of him that battles with whether he is deserving of food or not, especially pre-WCI. I imagine Sanji is always the last to eat if he eats at all. A lot of what I have to say with Sanji's relationship with food is not canon or how interept it, so I'll just say. I think after WCI, when he truly has his freedom, he seems lighter. I've not made it all the through, but I think there is a sort of new willingness to allow himself food, from what I've seen and imagined.

I could honestly ramble about it all day and night, One Piece and food and freedom, but I'm at work on my break and I think if I were to go back on the floor sobbing, I may get a concerned look or two. So I figure I should conclude this with:

In One Piece, food is freedom, and everyone deserves freedom so therefore every deserves food. Food brings people together in a way that no other thing really can. I resonate with those ideals in a way that I can not begin to express properly. I wish that knowing that made me feel worthy of food and recovery, I wish knowing and seeing all that made me reach out, but it hasn't yet. So, I hope that one day, I will experience something close to what I imagine Sanji did. Realizing I worthy, beyond just hearing or saying it, but truly and wholeheartedly knowing I am worthy of companionship and food and freedom. I could honestly write a whole thesis on food and One Piece, I might, maybe it will help me truly realize these things, but who knows?

I honestly wish I could find the post again, but it's lost in my likes 😭 I would love to read more posts about it, so if anyone who sees this recalls any posts please tag the author post so I can read it!!! Apartently, "One Piece food symbolism" is too specific/niche a topic for Tumblr search bar to find many posts.

#one piece #luffy #sanji #portgas d ace #food symbolism #sybolism #eating disoder trigger warning #food is freedom #kinda a vent #one piece symbolism #hyperfixation #hyperfixation rant

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mypoisonedvine · 8 months

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I hate hate hate having to talk about this stuff because I know 98% of y'all are not the problem, and the remaining 2% are probably not going to care in the slightest. but I need to set some boundaries and explain why I'm getting frustrated before any more resentment builds.

I've been writing for cillian murphy characters since july 26 when I posted 'thoughtless', since then I've released well over one hundred thousand words of content for him. I'm not exaggerating, I counted. it's been five and a half weeks and I've posted 14 full-length one shots which means I'm posting more than twice a week. that's not even including drabbles/requests.

I'm getting concerned that this has set a precedent that people are holding me to and I'm getting annoyed by the entitlement in some of my asks and comments.

first things first, and I know nobody means anything bad by this but it's pissing me off: stop using the phrase "full smut" in your requests, it's driving me crazy. this started abruptly after I posted a bunch of drabbles in one sitting based on y'all's ideas and requests. I did that as a way to try out new ideas and appease people who hadn't had their concepts written about yet. instead of people being happy with what I wrote for them, people got frustrated that the drabbles were drabble-length and not thousands of words long like my full fics (which take me several days to write, rather than an hour or less which is the point of short requests). ever since, people won't stop coming into my inbox talking about making a "full smut" for a certain character or idea as if they're terrified that I'll only post something short. I usually don't post short things. I feel now like those drabbles were a colossal waste of time because all they did was make people afraid I wouldn't write longer stuff; I wanted to open requests again because I had fun, but now I feel like it's a bad idea because it'll just leave people frustrated when they see it's not whatever a "full smut" is and then tell me it's incomplete and I need to write more. a short drabble can very well be a complete story. stop asking for "full smut" PLEASE. just tell me what you're interested in reading and trust that, as the author, I will tell the story in the correct length of time.

secondly, the way people are asking for stories about new characters is getting out of control. I think you guys don't realize that I only post less than half of the asks I get, because they are so repetitive and constant. I have literally over 2000 unanswered asks currently. if I answered all the asks I received, I would lose followers because it clogs the dash and half of them are the same questions.

and I'm just gonna say this one explicitly: please stop asking me to write for cillian's character in the movie 'anna'. I'm not saying that I won't or that I don't want to. but I need you to understand that I get easily 3-5 asks a DAY about this character and I am exhausted. I'm not particularly interested in watching the movie. not only does it look like it's probably just not that good, but on a very personal note, I am in recovery for an eating disorder (and relapsed recently) and I just... don't wanna watch a movie with a runway model in the leading role right now. I'm sorry if that feels like body shaming or something but I've been waiting until I feel like I can watch it without feeling sick or enraged. it should come as a surprise to no one who is familiar with my work that I'm not a particularly mentally healthy person. but that's only part of it; I answered asks about this character for a while saying I wanted to write for him eventually, but I had to stop because people just asked about him every day anyways without reading my very recent posts with the same question. I'm still not ruling it out. I'm just warning you guys that it will be a while.

people are now commenting requests for new characters ON MY CURRENT FICS FOR UNRELATED CHARACTERS. how entitled and dense do you have to be to do that? I can't believe this has to be said, but comments on my fics should be... related to the content of the fic you're commenting on.

to be clear, I'm not mad at anyone for doing this stuff (except that last one, that's unforgivably ridiculous) because I think the intentions are pure. but now that I've explained why this stuff bothers me, I'm asking you to put a little more thought into how you phrase your questions and comments. to be clear: for the most part I feel incredibly supported and appreciated here and I've been very impressed by this fandom's ability to not be morality police and manage their own content consumption. a lot of you have reached out with concern about the speed at which I was producing and I totally understand and value that. I honestly think I can keep up that pace for a little while longer... I just wanted to explain why I'm getting a little irritated and hopefully decrease the amount of asks I get repeating the same two or three things.

so, tl;dr -- I've been having a lot of fun writing and I plan to keep doing it as much as I can. some people are spoiling the fun for everyone by being (usually unintentionally) entitled and impatient. I don't mind you guys showing enthusiasm for things you'd like to see from me, in fact it's helpful because it tells me what might get a good reception. but please be thoughtful in how you make these requests and please support what I've already written if you want to see more. I think non-writers have a hard time understanding how inspiration works (hell, even writers don't really understand it in ourselves lol) and so it kinda just seems like if I can write about one thing I can write about any thing. but I only write so much and so fast because I write what speaks to me and not other people's ideas. again, thank you so much for all the love and support this past month!!

p.s. I also get asks multiple times a day asking when I will post a fic, especially if I've announced it. I always post fics between 4 and 5 PM central US time. I would recommend calculating when that is for you and I promise you'll find me posting very reliably at this time on days I have fics announced. hopefully this saves us all some trouble in the future lmao

#long post

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romanarose · 4 months

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Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

#romana personal posts #cw suicide #cw self harm #cw csa #cw sa

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thefaefiction · 1 year

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Skin. [Andy Biersack x Reader] [BVB]

PAIRING: Andy Biersack x Reader GENRE: Angst + fluff, comfort WARNINGS: Self harm references and themes SUMMARY: Andy comforts you after a depressive episode in which you relapse on self harm. Somehow, you're able to confide in him when things get bad.

A/N: this is super self indulgent, but i recognize that this isn't something i alone struggle with. i hope some others are able to find comfort in this piece as i did.

The good thing about Andy is that he doesn't try to tell me what I've heard already. He recognizes that telling me to stop wont work, and so he puts his efforts towards minimizing the harmful outcomes of my actions the best that he can.

And so, as the blood drips down my arms the way the tears roll down my cheeks, I silently scold myself and focus on Andy's hands. They work around my arm nimbly, wrapping it up in bandages and fastening it tightly to prevent it from slipping. My arm flinches at the final tug, stinging from the impact of the cloth to my cuts.

"Thank you," I whisper. I'm afraid if I speak any louder I'll burst into tears again.

"Of course," He speaks lowly, smiling at me. "Let's try to get some rest, yeah?"

I nod and stand up, following him into my bedroom. The room is lit dimly by a nightlight in the corner near my dresser, rain taps on the glass window above my bed and is softened by the wrestling of my duvet as we slip under the blankets. Sometimes I struggle to feel at home in this room, and yet Andy beside me makes me feel like I've reached heaven after longing for years in hell.

I lay on my side, one arm under his back and the other draped over his stomach. My head sits on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while his hand rubs my back. In the dark I can make out some of his tattoos on his free arm, tracing them lightly while I breath in his scent and let single, small, tears absorb into his black shirt.

I jump as a crash of thunder booms outside. Instantly Andy stiffens, and then takes a deep sigh when he realizes it's only mother nature. For someone who is dating a metal singer, I sure jump at the most insignificant of sounds. Sometimes I marvel in it, though, and I admire the beauty of being able to share such a quiet and intimate moment with someone who is often loud and active.

"Do you want to talk about it at all?" Andy says softly, caution in his voice. He never wants to overstep a line.

"Sometimes things just get too much," I say shakily. "It feels like the world is conspiring against me in every way possible."

I feel him nod. "I promise you that I'll be here to help ward off those things," He pauses. "Just know that when things start getting to this level I'm here for you." His hand runs up and down my spine, softly caressing my skin.

"Thank you," I whisper. "You mean a lot to me Andy."

He bends his head down and places his lips to my head. "You mean the world to me, Y/n." He kisses my hair, tightening his grip on me. "The sun, moon, and all of the stars."

"E.e Cummings," I comment on the quote.

He laughs, my head bouncing with his chest. "Get some sleep,"

I smile, holding Andy tightly. Right now, the events of an hour ago seem to be insignificant. It is a memory that I'll deal with later, and because the past cannot be changed I will chose to live in the present -- here -- next to the man I love and trust the most.

#🍇 -- thefaefiction!#andy biersack #andy biersack x reader #black veil brides #black veil brides x reader #x reader #andy black #andy black x reader #sh comfort

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kavaeric · 1 year

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Various railgun concepts for Light Era, from 2020 to 2022. Mix of SocDem, Ancom, and not-quite-one-or-the-other stuff.

I've been hesitant to post my firearm work up until now...I'll talk about it below.

I sort of grew up and got socialised as another one of those insufferable cis boys who was casually sexist and thought Modern Warfare 2 was the greatest game ever made. Even now after years of having renounced myself off of that way of thinking I still struggle with a lot of the aftermath. One of them is a fascination with guns.

I have a knack for drawing them, I want to say. It comes naturally, and I know people find what I do with them impressive. Hell, drawing guns is one of the easiest ways I garner a lot of attention on social media. But really I just don't feel like it's a part of me I'm proud of, either as an artist or as a person in general. I don't want my identity to be defined by violence, even just violence, which I understand is a thing—I don't want my art to be defined by its depictions of militarism, and I certainly don't want Light Era to be defined in that way either.

Yet as you can see I cannot resist. It feels like an addiction sometimes and I don't like it, and every now and again I relapse and I draw it and I get showered in a lot of attention.

The one and only thing I can unequivocally say I am good at drawing, designing, and rendering is guns, and I really do not like it.

I really do not like it at all.

#light era #kouwa #artwork commentary #artwork backlog #3d #sketch #painting #drawing #science fiction #furry #furry art #scifi #concept #railgun #gun #firearm #futuristic #artwork

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voltstone · 1 month

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A YELLOW DRESS FORGOTTEN | TWDG Retelling (Remastered - 2024) MASTER CONTENT POST

Hello! (And hello again to the TWDG fandom. At least, to anyone who remembers this fic.)

I'm VoltageStone. Still a shit uploader. I'm trying, and yes, this is one of the fics that has been in the works for...way too long, but at the same time..., glad I waited for my writing to get better?

This, quite simply, is my love-letter to the games, and to my Clementine. It's the one story I've wanted to get right, time and time again.

Especially since the comics have come out. Even though I've come to the conclusion that the comics are divorced from the games, because it's only one person's Clementine (and an...interesting interpretation of her at that), the comics did pull me away from the games for a little bit there.

But now I'm back. And I do intend to get to Season 4 this time. To finish this.

It'll take time, but I do feel ready now. I really have wanted to write out my Clementine's story, and have something that I can read back on rather than whatever Skybound's doing.

And honestly? While most of this is a self-indulgence thing, and it's because I'm bleeding my heart out here...

I do want more people to write about their Clementines. Cuz like... Maybe if there's enough people doing it, writing about their experiences, and not just the character as a whole... We'd get more enrichment from TWDG as a whole.

For anyone who wants to add on or talk about this, or follow along without having to subscribe to me, this fic will have its own tag (#aydf fic). So. If you're interested in just this, that'll be the place. :D

Anyway, now, for this specific update, this is a master post like the one I did for LYCOS (Wenclair fic). This isn't marked dead dove, but it is still a very...gritty fic. And it has a lot of very heavy themes.

It's a dark fic for different reasons, but a lot of the same. AYDF is what got me into writing gore, body & psychological horror, and the like. That being said, it's...also just a different beast.

Largely because I'm building off of what's in the games, so dead dove doesn't feel as appropriate for this.

Still. Might as well make a post here about its content. Any updates I do will be linked back to this.

So, for those who read this story before, I hope you enjoy, and thanks for sticking around through the years.

To any newcomers, to TWDG or other readers from other fics, I hope you enjoy. :)

-- -- --

Walkers. Muertos. Deadheads. Lurkers... The dead which roamed, they wore many names. Monster was yet another one. Though, Clementine knew most monsters didn't decay. Their hearts still throbbed. Their eyes, still with color. The monsters, still with words to asphyxiate. Because she was one herself: a monster with fire in her breath, and eyes that burned her own Hell. She drank for her life. She drank to forget.

A thank-you to Telltale, a love-letter to Clementine as a character, and a passion project writing out my Clementine's story. Made by my blood, sweat, tears, and probably also mucous from the tears, but it's sanitized, I promise.

AO3 | FFnet | Wattpad | Quotev | RoyalRoad

Fic Layout:

General Warnings:

Catharsis, Gore, Extreme/Graphic Violence, Fights, Murder, Horror, Body Horror, Angst, Trauma, a very Cynically Religious Clementine, Raider!Clementine, TWDG retelling (aka, a lot of the dialogue and canon-events will be here, or rewritten), (some, not a lot) Sexual Content (because it's a "growing up" thing not a horny thing, I promise, …and maybe sorta a little bit of how BPD and attachment issues do things), Violentine, a lot of homoeroticism, they are touch starved, Some fairytale symbolism, Louis will be protected and grow tf up.

Mental Health:

Alcoholism, Gambling Addiction, Addiction, Withdrawal, Relapse, Suicide Attempt(s), PTSD, Guilt, Survivor's Guilt, Rehabilitation, Psychosis, Child abuse, Parentification, and how that basically fucks Clementine in the head like a lot, and then A.J too because cycles and trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, Trauma Trauma Trauma, and you'll never guess, a Clementine who really really really needs help and at least one (1) actual breathing adult in her life.

Oh which reminds me.

Finding guidance in adults who are already very much dead, and please Clementine, would you just bury the corpse?

…okay that's verging on dead dove, but if the game (almost) has an 8-year-old eat a dude's leg, and then a bigger dude get his head smooshed by a salt lick (which tastes gross, I dunno), I think it's still safe.

In Summary:

...okay I may have written a Carver's Clementine by accident bUT it was an ACCIDENT. My hand slipped. She's not evil, just a little demented some days, and bitter on the better ones.

I am half-joking. My hand didn't slip.

She does make the comic's Clementine look like an angel, though. So. There's that.

Anyway, if it's not clear, the tldr is this is my playthrough, and thusly my canon Clementine, just with the story tailored for indulgence and narrative reasons. Cuz. …alcoholism. …and stuff.

Not a great person. Very troubled. But you know. Tis how addiction works.

Hope you enjoy. :) If you see my blood, sweat and tears stained in the writing, no you didn't.

#volt's library #aydf fic #twdg #clementine twdg #twdg fic #fanfiction #aj twdg #javier twdg #violet twdg #the walking dead game #the walking dead games #telltale #violentine #alcoholism #this is a genuine fic by the way so the unhinged warnings are…taking the piss out of it a little but i do mean them #it's dark to reflect my playthrough but ultimately to reach a catharsis #this IS my clementine #mycanonclementine #my love letter to twdg and clementine

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letstalkwhump · 1 year

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Let's Talk Whump No.5

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! ! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host.

Today I’m talking whump with the wonderful @painsandconfusion!

So good to have you here today, @painsandconfusion! Tell us a fun fact about yourself!

I'm a lawyer but don't seem like a lawyer at all - everyon'es always confused when I say so. I'm a fan of jumping between fluffy pink dresses, standard hipster vibes, emo styles, and who knows what else. It's different every day. I just like variety!

What does whump mean to you?

Oh dear, tricky to answer...

Whump is when a character is at their highest stress point (or...at least higher than average). I suffer from severe and vivid nightmares, but I found out that when I write whump, I can process my fears and anxieties through those characters and their experiences. I can only go about two weeks without writing before the nightmares start again. It's kinda amazing to see just how effective and healthy it is for me. I live vicariously through my whumpees for a moment, and they help my brain keep its shit together. Then I get to meet all these lovely people online and it just makes my heart so happy!

Wow, that’s really great to hear! Whump can be really cathartic at times. How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I think this is a standard story, but I discovered the hero x villain community first, and it wasn't /quite/ my cup of tea, but it was close. After I saw a few people reblogging things with #whump, I checked it out.

I have a vivid memory of skipping class for the first time in my life, just sitting in my apartment, all but crying as I scrolled through everything. I was so relieved to find that I wasn't alone. I spent so much of my life hating myself and hating whumperflies and hating that I was drawn to violence and not understanding why. After I found this community I felt so much more at home.

I made a blog and started reblogging.

Then of course, I relapsed into hating myself and deleted it.

Then I made another. Started posting gifs I made from my favorite whumpy movies.

The kink community kinda took it over - which is fine and lovely and I'm happy to share content, but....they were the only ones who saw my blog. So everything I made was taken in a way I didn't mean and I felt very isolated and unheard.

So I deleted it again.

A couple years ago, I tried again. I started just reblogging, then I impulsively added to a prompt list in one of my reblogs and people really liked it? So I made more. And more and more and more- eventually I started posting scenes, and I've been having a lovely time here ever since!

Do you think your view on whump has changed since you joined? Are there tropes you now love/hate that you didn't at first?

Absolutely. Like. Wow so much. I used to dislike pain a lot and only enjoy the fear leading up to it. While I still prefer the suspense, nothing really squicks me out anymore. I used to hate pet whump but now I'm a fan.

I have started making whump art as of late, which has been a fun new adventure! I picked it up almost solely because there's so many fantastic writers in this community who deserve some good fanart. I'm having fun working through a list of my favorite creators!

Tell us about your favourite whump trope!

Dear goodness, do I love a chin tilt.

No no...hmmm.....I get to run wild with this question and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Muahhahahhaaaaaaaa~

Okay so. Picture this.

Whumpee stumbling slowly backward, breath catching in their throat and burning at their lungs. Their feet drag against the ground as they stare up at Whumper, eyes shaking and sparkling with tears that cling to their lashes, refusing to fall. Not /quite/ yet.

Whumper strokes a knuckle down their cheek, drawing a twitch - not quite a flinch, no no, Whumpee wouldn't dare to pull away. Whumper's hand flips softly as it reaches their jaw, pressing to their throat instead.

Whumpee finally lets a sound pass their lips, a soft whimper as their back hits the wall. The momentum topples the wetness from their lashes, and Whumper's eyes roam down to follow them as they soak hot into the fabric of Whumpee's shirt.

Whumper's hand turns up just /once/ more, curling a finger under Whumpee's chin to tip their head up, drawing hiding eyes back into place.

Then they say something whumpy, I guess - you get the picture.

LOVE that shit.

Intimate whumpers? Slow pacing? Vivid sensation? Yes!

Absolutely loving the detail in that! It’s all about the sensations! And speaking of favourites, do you want to share a piece you've written?

Hard Question!

First one that comes to mind is The Party. It's one of my favorites because my hands were shaking so hard while writing it. It was a great way to kick off that event (@thewhumperssoiree) which I'm inadvertently yet shamelessly plugging by answering with that piece I guess! It's very very fun, I loved what that piece created. Everyone who wrote for it did such a great job! (Event is still open, I don’t know why I'm talking about it in past tense)

Do you have a standard writing style/routine or does it vary?

I absolutely change up my paragraph style depending on the intensity of the scene or the place in the scene. I'm a big fan of elaborating and writing moment to moment so the oc's sensations and emotions bleed into the reader. I don't write much on visuals at all - almost entirely on sensation, which I think works well in this medium.

When I'm writing, I kinda forget everything else exists, so I don't have food or drink or if I do, it's neglected. If anyone tries to talk to me, tough luck to them, I'm in the Write Zone and I cannot hear them!

I write solely when inspiration strikes which.......is a lot!

Is there a noticeable difference in how easily you write things? Do the words always flow or do you have to beat them out sometimes?

There's characters who don't get in my head nearly as easily, and ones that are effortless. Getting fucking Alec in my head? Impossible. He's a bitch, then does bitch things once there. Ethan? Dream. Miracle boy. So easy to write that emo little shit. For clarification, the seven chapters of Alec's series vs the thirty of Ethan's. Alec is a bitch. End of story.

But, I also do much better describing little moments rather than full scenes. I'm good at scenes, but it takes so many spoons. Hence why I have three hundred or so random drabble posts or lists, but only like fifty total from my series. It just takes more effort to have to think about plot and pacing and all that good stuff.

Fun? Yes.

But hard.

Is there anything you're working on at the moment? Finalising the final chapter of your series? Starting a new au? Trying a different style of writing/pov? Revisiting fanfiction? Maybe you've really gotten into poetry....

Oh dear goodness, I'm working on everything all at once and I need to stop!

I also need to roleplay less and write more for you lovelies! I’m so sorry I’m just really distractible…

Give us some writing advice. Bless us with your wisdom!

I have posts for this but:

1. Keep your descriptions to the textured senses. Less visuals, more sensation. Caretaker has brown hair? So what? Tell me about how Caretaker's hair curled at the ends, just barely tickling at the corner of their eyes until they flicked it away with a twitchy shake of the head.

2. Personify the shit out of your nouns. Whumpee bled? No. The blood soaked through Whumpee's shirt. Make it an external factor that's affecting them. Much more engaging.

3. Pacing. Whumpee got dragged into the car, then into a house and chained in the basement? That's not one scene, that's at least three. OR. It's a two sentence summary that Whumpee is musing about while already in the basement.

4. Speaking of, don't start with the boring, just get right into the action. You can weave the 'how we got here' bits in after a few sentences, but get your reader hooked right away. Don't start with "Whumpee got out of bed, glancing at their blaring alarm". Try instead "Their hands were shaking so hard they had to try three times to dial the number, fingers as clumsy as they were that morning, trying to slap their alarm off through the fog of blissful sleep." Or just don't mention it at all! Skip to the good stuff!

Lastly, let’s hype up some of your favourite blogs! Any friends, writers or just really cool people you want to shout out?

@whumblr was like my idol before I started! It's so cool just casually knowing her now? Still not over that, to be honest.

I always tag her but @distinctlywhumpthingmpthing is so good? Seriously, you want to see some god-tier writing, go over there. (minors read tws well please, its not all for you.)

@brutal-nemesisemesis is always a delight. Castys gives me life.

And of course, I'm gonna give a shoutout to @wormwritinging, my beloved. We met here and as much as I adore this community, they're hands down the best part of it.

Anything you'd like to add?

I can't think of anything but thank you for doing this. This blog is so cool!

It’s been a honor to have you here, @painsandconfusion!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

#whump community #whump interviews #lets talk whump

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factorialsotherfandoms · 5 months

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... TW: cannibalism, corpse, Philza being far more chill with the situation than I think he actually would be.

Yeah, no, this isn't getting where I need it to, so just have this as it is instead while I try hammer out something else for the scene/s I need for the Happy Ending AU. I even have the main dialogue for Philza and Cellbit, just not how to lead into it or what would cause Phil to bring it up to him >.<

"You doing alright, mate?"

The answer is, objectively, no. Bagi had said Philza should talk to Cellbit, yes, but he hadn't quite realised it had gotten this bad; he's seen his friend about a few times since then, exhausted and worn down and his jacket gone despite the coming winter, but not had a chance to talk, what with everything on the island.

Maybe he should have done more than wave hello and carried on to bed.

Maybe then he wouldn't be watching someone he trusted more than his limbs carve chunks from a corpse with his teeth and a knife.

Cellbit seems to have decided to ignore him, and Philza could swear about it, or make it somebody else's problem, but frankly he's not sure who else's problem he /can/ make it.

He wants to wash his hands of this, to turn around and pretend he didn't see, but what sort of fucking friend is he if he doesn't at least try? He knows Cellbit - or at least, he thinks he does - and, yeah, the man has the capacity to be terrible, and has been terrible, but so has Philza.

He's not going to support this mess but, at the same time, he knows what a trauma-induced relapse looks like.

Even if his own were never quite as messy.

"Are you sure you should be eating that?" he asks instead, trying to bribe Cellbit to look at him. "The whole faceless thing might be infectious."

That does at least get Cellbit to look at him, the man giggling a little, "what? Are you worried about me?"

"Well, yeah mate," Philza gestures. "You're kinda eating a corpse."

"Aren't you scared?"

Philza looks him up and down. "For you? Sure. Of you? I've known you for months, Cellbit, if you wanted to hurt me I'd know by now. And even if I messed that up, pretty sure I could take you."

"So you're here to give me the lecture, then? Tell me to stop? I'm not going to, Philza, so just... spare us both the time," Cellbit seems exhausted as he wipes blood from his mouth, sitting back with a sigh.

"Depends why you're doing it," he replies. "If you need the food that badly, I've toast in my bag."

"Heh," Cellbit's smile is not actually at all pleased. "I just... I need them to be scared."

"Hm?"

"I've tried everything, Philza, and it doesn't work. I've tried to investigate, I've tried to infiltrate, I've played their games and I've tried to host my own, only to find them twisted back on me. Every day we're here another person suffers - first it was Felps, who will it be next? I can't just leave them - I'm good at this, Philza, this is who I am, who I always was. I hunt, I kill, and people /fear me/. We have to bring the Federation down, if I have to be bloody again, I will - and now? Now? I feel happy again, the adrenaline, the chase... I'm going to kill them, Philza, and you're not going to stop me. And anyone... Anyone who gets in my way will join them." Cellbit pauses a second. "But they don't get it, they don't understand, I thought /he'd/ be proud of me, at least. Don't they see why I'm doing this? It's for them, it's always for them, I don't care if I'm the monster!"

"... Just so long as they're safe," Philza finishes for him, with a sigh.

He leans back against the wall, and looks at the cooling corpse.

There's a choice here, he supposes. He cannot condone the violence, not against the rank and file employees, but he understand the frustration. He sees what Bagi and Bad mean, but he doesn't know if they understand - has Bagi ever actually killed someone? Has Bad ever had a human morality? Philza's own is skewed, he knows that, and yet...

In a moment of revulsion his mind begs him to turn away, to cut Cellbit loose and call it a day.

The other part, the part that loves, the part he tried to kill so many years ago, says that Cellbit is his and that means with the good and the bad.

"I'm not going to help you kill random workers," Philza says, trying to pace himself. "But if you have a specific target you can explain a tactical purpose to beyond generic weakening the enemy? Then you have my support. And whatever way? If you get yourself into shit you can't get yourself out of, just comm me mate. I'll come by and bail you out, and I'm not going to ask shit. Just so long as you're safe."

It's a pittance, it's repulsive, but Philza knows what its like to be scum, the lowest of the low, and if it takes comprimising himself a bit to get Cellbit a safety net then, fuck it, he'll leave moral complications to Bagi.

Cellbit looks almost suspiciously at him, "you aren't going to tell me to stop?"

"Would it help?" Philza retorts.

"So you disprove?"

"I mean yeah, I don't think killing the maintenance workers is a good fucking plan. But I'm not the plan guy, either, so I've just got to trust you there, don't I? And I trusted you before."

"You hadn't seen me eat a dead body yet."

"Do you want me to fight you? Because I can fight you," Philza gestures a bit. "But there's no fucking point, and I'm too old for this shit these days. Just be careful, okay? Because the Federation knows us, and they know you don't give a shit about being punished - so they will go after your loved ones instead."

"I'll protect them," Cellbit replies. "Roier will protect them, too; we've agreed."

Philza doesn't believe for a moment that they'll succeed, and starts making plans to have Fit keep a better eye on Tazercraft. He can watch Forever, if Fit's gossip tree is right Tina will look after Bagi. As for Felps... He isn't sure, but the other Brazilians will come up with something. Richarlyson... When they find the eggs, Bad will be more than willing there - and all his other dads.

Roier, if Cellbit is to be believed, is already in on it. Philza makes a note to talk to him about what to do if he needs bailing out, too. Also Foolish, perhaps - he's not quite sure what's up there, but it's something.

The rest of the islanders, at least, are already on high alert, expecting to be blamed for the murders and kidnapped at any moment. He'd suggest a check in and buddy system, but that would mean complying with a buddy system.

"I'll keep an eye out too," he replies. "Just promise you'll call if you need me, okay?"

Cellbit shrugs, and it might be the closest to a promise he can get.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp cellbit #qsmp philza #am I happy with this?#eh #its not what I wanted and the characters feel a bit off but I'm happy enough with it #but my hand hurts now so I'll try what I was actually going for later #by later at earliest tomorrow #actually going for being getting cellbit in on the escape plan and actually hashing out some details for it #proooobably I'll put cellbit while missa is away #maybe also forever #then missa gets told as soon as he's there to tell #but we'll see how fancy takes me

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crazykuroneko · 1 year

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Hannigram Fanfiction Recommendations

So, I caved in, and this is a list of Hannigram fanfictions that I really like that I still remember the main plot after years. A lot of them are very long and very good to get lost in, because that's the best feeling ever when reading fanfics really.

Again, they are all complete. All of them featuring killer!Hannibal no matter how AU it is. All of them has a bunch of important tags you should read before reading it. For my complete Hannigram bookmarks, they are here.

Paragon by BloodyWar2411

When Hannibal met Will Graham (the man who had, three years prior, been mistaken for the Chesapeake Ripper), he expected amusement. What he got was his first taste of obsession. Dark and bitter in the back of his throat but achingly sweet on the tongue. He knew at once that this feeling, this Man, would consume him. And Hannibal would consume Will right back

This fic is so delicious; it's so dark and kinky. I think it has any kinks you wish for in it. Basically a found family trope, but what if all of us are serial killers. This fic says fuck to power imbalance hater and turns it into a game. God knows how many Hannibal fics I've read, and this has the best Abigail. Anyway, 🤌 through and through.

One, Two, Three by Severus_divides_into_H

An excellent Hunger Games AU. I love how Hannigram are slowly coming together. The ending is unexpected yet made me went aww.

Five Times Hannibal Visits Will and One Time He's Already Home (or: Coffee Cake) by bones_2_be

When Will tells Hannibal to leave at the end of Digestivo, he goes. And then, a few years later, he shows back up. They have long conversations, drink a lot of wine, at the end of it all they find something that works.

This is very intimate with stuck-in-a-cabin feel to it. I remember how I love reading it at night, it's fitting.

Through The Aftermath by heartandthehead

Following their descent down the precipice, Will is more than eager to explore his newly realized capacity for righteous violence. So when he catches a whiff of a string of seemingly unrelated homicides, he and Hannibal have no choice but to follow through the hunt.

An adventurous fic where Will is trying to embrace his newfound blood lust by hunting bad men. Featuring a team work with Freddy Lounds, which I think should happen more 😌

54609 by claritylore

In a world where criminals are reconditioned with painful electrical and surgical therapies and then put into service catching other criminals. A convicted murderer from the Baltimore State Home for the Reformed Criminal Element is sent to the FBI to assist on the Minnesota Shrike case. Stripped of any knowledge of his former life, without so much as a name, 54609 has little choice but to use his unique empathy skills to help the FBI crack the case.

Along the way, he encounters the FBI consultant psychiatrist who got him brought in on the case, and slowly he comes to realise that Dr Hannibal Lecter's interest in him goes far beyond a professional curiosity. Can he find his lost memories and discover who he once was and, more importantly, who Dr Lecter really is?

A clever dystopian-ish AU with a great twist 🤌

Losing You Terrifies Me by A_David

Basically Will got amnesia after the fall and he keeps trying to kill Hannibal when he relapses. The story matches the title very well; it's so heartbreaking and frustrating. Featuring Morgan (Alana and Margot's son) and Wally (Molly's son) bonding with each other. They're supporting characters but are written so well. The sequel has just started, but the first one is complete enough to read.

The Chesapeake Bay by HigherMagic

Aka thee classic Hannigram reality TV AU. So, they put Hannibal cast in isolated house where each of them is hiding something. Love love this. A lot of murders. It has classic thriller movies feel to it.

Held in the Highest Regard by (again) HigherMagic

What happens when a group of serial killers pick the absolute worst targets? A The Strangers (2008) AU with hints of comedy because Hannigram being the most dramatic couple of the century.

Dread and Hunger by LiaS0

Where Will Graham is a lot greener, still a university student, and keeps getting poetry from the most famous serial killer. A lot of stalking, gaslighting, and age difference 🤌

Hitchhiker's Guide to Murder by bokunojinsei

LOVE this series. So, Will is a serial killer who poses as hitchhiker to find his victims but one day Hannibal gave him a ride. They're basically falling in love watching the other killing others. The second story is set during Mardi Gras where they ofc try to kill more people.

The Estate by (again) bokunojinsei

Or: What if Hannibal hadn't tried to eat Will after he drugged him in Florence? What if he'd decided to run away with him instead?

In contrast with the previous title, this one is very calm, very therapeutic, a character study, with a mind game ofc.

Mark me not a Savage by KatherineKrawl

An iconic a/b/o fic (no mpreg) where Hannigram do mind games with other casts to get out of the prison. I remember there's a scene between Hannibal and Molly I love so much. The author also played a lot with what being true mates mean.

The Sacrificial Lamb by princesskay

Five years after Hannibal and Will disappeared, they are located in Spain, where all evidence points to Hannibal holding Will as his prisoner. Circumstantial evidence isn't enough to prove whether or not Will was complicit in Hannibal's crimes. It's up to Alana and Jack to figure out if Will is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or if his attachment to his accused abuser is true love. It's up to Hannibal to once more find a way out of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

An icon and a must-read tbqh. The prose is so beautiful and it really brings you into a journey.

Pioneer to the Falls by eonism

Another icon. The ultimate Lecter-Graham child fic (not mpreg). The second title, Child of Wolf, is one of the best Silence of the Lambs adaptation ever. And as always, fuck Jack Crawford

The Mongoose and the Mouse by Hiding Now (HidingNow)

What if Hannibal suggested Will to go to Disney Land (with him ofc lol) as part of his therapy? It's cute, it's fluffy, Hannibal is still serial killer. Serious research on DisneyLand attractions. Best crack treated seriously ever.

their beaks not yet turned red by chaparral_crown

Will stares at the bird. The bird stares back. In its beak, a very finely embroidered cloth, and in that, the tiniest of soft fists pushing forward from a folded corner.

“Don’t you dare,” Will says, crouching, hand that is not currently cradling an overly large pour of whiskey pointed at the bird to ward it off.

After Hannibal is arrested and the trial dates are set, the stork visits Will Graham. With it, it brings a baby, a legally binding birth certificate, and a hope chest full of gifts for her. Nobody except Will thinks this is weird.

this is my last fic before I was caught by IWTV. it's so funny, the magical realism is amusing.

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #my fic recs #fic recs #nbc hannibal

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tuatism · 8 months

Text

just posted something similar on main but i think i can explain better when i connect it to klaus so to my tua blog this thought goes.

bug like an angel (mitski) is so four "klaus" hargreeves coded

klaus is a lonely character. this is something that's true throughout all the seasons, and we can see how in each season he finds a new replacement for personal connections or worse; a replacement for the love he had lost with dave. in season one he had already been a drug addict (which i will touch on in another point), in season two he seeks solace in his "alternative spiritual community"/cult, and in season three he looks for (familial) love with his father.

going further on season three's replacement, i think that it is by far the most impactful (whilst not being particularly relavent to how he relates to the song, but i want to talk about it whilst i'm thinking of it). klaus looked for familial love with an alternate version of his father because, in part, i think he saw some of himself in that reginald. he saw someone who was constantly drugged and was treated as a joke by his family and was essentially discarded whenever he wasn't useful. sound familiar? of course, that reginald wasnt actually much like klaus, but it's easy to see how if you're desperate for someone, anyone, to connect to you'd strive hardest to find it in the father who never loved you. the father who's affections you've been starved of your whole life. anyways, moving on

i think the direction i'm taking this one is pretty obvious; dave.

throughout the show there's multiple (sometimes rather subtle) moments where klaus clearly wishes for nothing more than to be with dave again. in a cruel joke from fate, it's discovered that klaus cannot permanently die, which only makes it harder for him. i believe that part of why he has such a difficult time moving on is due to the fact that dave died. obvious point, i know, so let me explain further. with most relationships, they'll end mutually. be it a calm break up, cheating, a fight, family issues, etcetera; most relationships have something that can clearly be defined as an "ending point". klaus and dave never got this, especially since klaus can communicate with the dead. in theory, klaus could talk with dave whenever he wants (at least in season one he could), so it'd be hard to really consider the relationship as being over.

after dave dies (and before the slight time reset) klaus swears to go sober so that he can see dave. he finds during the torture scenes that the only way for him to speak with ghosts is to he sober, but he knows that (in that moment) he wouldn't be able to go through with it unless he's physically restrained. he made the conscious decision to reach out to diego for help, hoping he'd be able to go sober for dave. time is rewound slightly and his meeting with dave and the whole restraint thing is undone, causing klaus to make different decisions regarding his sobriety. he still tries, yes, but in the end he has to have the drugs physically slapped away from him. in season two he is also sober, albeit much more successfully. he, once more, comes horribly close to relapsing to drinking when he goes to the store and buys all manner of alcoholic beverages (although they are all dropped and promptly broken when he arrives at his home).

im choosing to interpret this lyric in the less literal way because i think thats more interesting to interpret with klaus. i've already touched on him seeking love in other forms, so i won't dwell on that, but it may be touched on.

klaus is at rock bottom, in season three we watch him lose basically everything. he lost his one and only love, he lost his cult (although the degree to which he wanted them is debatable), he misplaced his trust, and he lost all hope to see dave again. he knows that there's no use in it, yet he can't help but yearn to be with dave. deep down klaus knows that not only can he not die, but the dave in the new reality may very well be out there somewhere; along with the fact that he will never be klaus's dave no matter how much he wishes. he will never be truly happy again, no matter how much he wishes.

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