#if he's still mourning why he be sharing RELATIONSHIP n SHIT A WEEK AFTER HE BROKE UP WITH ME

[imtherain]

Soup

So here I am again, having feelings about a man who kills people.

This is for, about, around Simon “Ghost” Riley. From Call of Duty, a game I never in a million years thought I’d care about. But here we are.

Warnings? Hurt/Comfort I guess. Some female mentions for “you” (mentions being an auntie etc.) A lot of sort of sad feelings. Talk of trauma, injury, near death, all that fun stuff. Allusions to past relationships. No pancakes. But hey, there’s soup.

I apologize if you misread the title as Soap, as I have a few times. He’s lovely too, but this one is for Ghost.

Anywho

It was one of the hardest things you'd ever done, but after that last mission, you hadn't really had a choice. You'd been just about blown apart by a rain of gunshots. There was an explosion you didn't remember and three weeks of time you lost. Another three lost to a coma. 

~~~~~

You had left the 141 six months ago. 

And while you carried the scars and some pain the doctors said would never go away, what hurt you most was the look in your lieutenant's eyes when he told you you were going home. The way his eyes were hard chips of stone behind his mask when he told you he wouldn't let you come back.

That was the last time you'd talked to Ghost. And you tried not to think about how much his silence hurt you. You had been so close to him for so long. He always had your back and you always had his. You couldn't count the times you'd spent nights together, trying to deal with all the shit you had to do, there were too many. Maybe there were all of them. Then there were the times when you fell into each other's arms because there was nowhere else to go.

And he sent you home without saying anything that even resembled goodbye.

But that was half a year behind you. You had begun to pick up the bits of your life that could be salvaged. Your sister helped a lot. She was the only family that knew you were back, that even knew you were alive. She lived across town from your apartment, but she made sure to stop by to check on you as often as she could. 

You had taken to making food when the things in your head got too loud. You made beef stew and thought of Soap. How he always told you to add more potatoes and made jokes about the Irish in good humor. You made chicken noodle soup for cold nights in safe houses. Leek soup for when it rained and for stomach aches. And you made cakes and pies and cookies for Price and Gaz, both of which had terrible sweet tooths and always tried to steal the batter or taste the dough. 

You left a bowl empty for Ghost because you didn't know what else to do.

Tonight you made turkey soup. Lots of root vegetables from a friend of a friend who had a farm south of the city. Good fresh earth still clung to the turnips when your sister brought them to you. She had a whole bag full of turnips, parsnips, carrots, and rutabagas. Onions from the store. 

You made the broth with the carcass of the turkey you shared with your sister and her husband two nights before. At their place with their kids. The house, full of color and joy and laughter and life. You got to be Auntie y/n and not a soldier. Not a broken thing left for eternity to find left behind. 

Sometimes it was easier to forget the 141 when there was laughter around you. 

Sometimes you drove home and cried. 

The soup was delicious, warm. Tasted like the stuff that kept you alive with a hug.

You'd gotten good at making soup, as though it was the only thing you knew how to do. Your sister always made bread. Your whole apartment smelled like a Hallmark movie. You sat together at the table, three bowls, two now dirty, and all three empty. 

Your sister had stopped asking why a while ago. You figured she knew it was a type of mourning. She always knew you in ways you didn't tell her. Knew how you only wore earrings when you wore dresses. How there was always a knife close at hand. How you slept with a gun, loaded, strapped to the side of your nightstand.

How you always made soup when you missed them.

You had picked up your bowl and your sister's when you heard a knock at the door. All of your alarms went off, thinking the worst at first. But then you remembered how there was a single mother down the hall who you often told could come asking for dinner when she smelled it. Knowing she needed good food sometimes for her and her twins. Remembered just how far your sister’s bread recipe could carry down the hall.

You covered the peephole with your hand before looking through it. In case whoever it was had a gun waiting for you.

There was a shadow outside the door. Tall, broad, black sweatshirt. They were looking down the hall, towards the exit sign that glowed faintly red along the white parts of his mask.

You opened the door and he turned to you.

"Who is it?" Your sister called. You were frozen in the doorway.

"I shouldn't have come," was all he said, turning with his duffle bag to head towards that glowing red light. You caught his sleeve before he could flee. 

"Can you do me a favor?" You call over your shoulder back into the house. "Go hide in the bathroom, I'll let you know when you can come out," you stepped out into the hall and closed the door enough that she wouldn't see him. You knew how he was. How he liked his privacy. 

"What? Why?" Your sister's confused voice.

"Just do it, I'll explain later," you call back. Ghost hadn't tried to pull away yet. You just held his eyes while you both listened to your sister grumble as she did as you asked.

"You have company," his voice was gravel, just like you remember it. The accent slides around his words like silk. 

"She's my sister, she watched my place while I was gone." You told him. You hadn't talked about family, there had been no room for it amongst the gunfire. "If I ask her to go, will you stay?" You didn't want to feel the hope that tried to block your throat. You didn't want to admit how badly you missed him. How being apart had made you realize just how fucked you were, falling in love with your LT.

But he wasn't your LT anymore. Not your commanding officer in any way. So what was he? 

"Simon?" Your voice is smaller than he remembers it but hearing his name in your throat brings him back to earth. 

"Affirmative," he said. His voice was smaller than it used to be too. As though he didn't want you to hear it. You pulled on his sleeve. 

"You can go to my room while I send her home, she wasn't going to stay much longer anyway." You tell him when he resists your tug. "You can take a shower if you want, it'll feel good. Or you can just…" whatever other suggestions you had died in your throat. "Just, don't leave, ok?" This time he only nodded. 

He pulled off his boots inside the door and followed you to your room. You didn't see him look around your apartment, didn't see the way he took in the mismatched furniture, the loudly colored rugs, the blankets and pillows that filled the arm chairs. You pointed him into the darkness of your room, flipping the switch to light the lamp on your bedside table. The only light you kept in your room these days.

He looked somehow more massive in the space of your room. He glanced at the dresser which had a mess of body sprays and lotions your sister kept bringing you. There was another chair, filled with clothes this time. The bed was made up with bright colored blankets and more pillows than he'd ever seen in one place before.

"They say the more pillows you have the lonelier you are," He spoke like it was a joke. 

"That they do," you didn't agree but you knew better than to lie. "I'll be back in a minute," he dropped his duffle on the floor next to the bed and nodded. 

You sighed heavily and went to kick your sister out. 

She was worried about leaving you with Ghost. You had told her more than enough to make her nervous about him. But you trusted him still, even if he had sent you away. Even if he hadn't said goodbye.

She promised to call you in the morning and you locked the door with all three locks.

When you came back to your room, you could hear the shower running. The duffle was opened and a few pieces of black fabric were spilling out. You weren't surprised that he wore only black when he played civilian. 

"She's gone," you called through the door of the bathroom. "Take your time," you added. 

A few minutes later the bathroom opened and Ghost came out. A simpler Balaklava over his face now, a black long sleeved shirt, black pants. The steam from the shower spilled out into the room and backlit him with the harsh light over your sink. He was barefoot as he stood on your carpet.

You didn't know what else to say to him.

He went to his duffle and put his things back. You thought of all the times you'd imagined him here, how he'd look amongst your things. Mourned how you'd never find out. But here he was. 

He stood and faced you.

"I didn't know you knew where I lived," you finally said. You weren't surprised he could find you, but you didn't know how else to break the silence.

"I've known for a while," he replied. 

"So why now?" You had your arms crossed as you watched him think of what to say. Maybe you imagined it but there was something sharp in his eyes, something like fear or loss or… something.

"I had to see you…make sure you were ok," 

"Why?" You didn't want him to know how fast your heart was beating.

"I had to know," you felt anger flare at his attempt to answer you without telling you anything. 

"Had to know what, Simon? Had to know if I was still alive? Had to know if I was still going to the doctor's, to rehab? Had to know if I was living alone or with someone who would actually fucking care about me?" It wasn't fair to accuse him. You knew that. But it had hurt so much when you were sent away. Hurt like a battery acid injection. Hurt like a thousand paper cuts that could never figure out how to heal. 

When he didn’t say anything you laughed. Of course he’d stay silent. He never quite figured out how to talk unless it was to give order, to tell off color jokes, or to grind out dirty words into your ear.

“It hurt like hell when you told me to go home,” You said. “Did you know that? It felt like you were kicking me out of the 141, out of all of your lives…out of your life. As though you couldn’t stand to so much as look at me.” You weren’t looking at him anymore, so you missed the way his eyes snapped to your face.

“You almost died, y/n,” He said. “Because of a bad call I made. I had to watch you get shot to shit, watch you bleeding out while Gaz did all he could to keep you from dying. It was a miracle we got you to a hospital at all.” You felt tears gather behind your eyes, pulling angrily at your throat as you tried to keep them inside.

“I never blamed you for that,” 

“It doesn’t matter if you did or not because I fucking did,” Ghost snapped. “And then I had to see you hooked up to all those fucking tubes and machines, not moving.” 

“You didn’t have to stay,” You tried to ignore the way your heart clenched at his words.

“Three weeks. I had to see that shit for three weeks before you opened your eyes again.” He took a step forward and you watched him cross the space until he was before you. You looked up at him, his frame so large in the dim light. You knew people who would be terrified of being so close to him. But not you. Never you.

“And first chance you got, you told me to get the fuck out… forced me to retire,” His face was hidden by his mask, but you could see the way his shoulders fell as your cheeks grew wet. You wiped at your eyes with your hands and pretended it didn’t kill you for him to see you like this.

“I couldn’t…I couldn’t see you like that again,” His voice was soft now. When you didn’t look at him, he sank to his knees, his hands coming up to touch your legs, gently, as though he was afraid you’d break. “Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you laying there, bloody or plugged up with so many machines…” He shook his head as if to displace the memories. His hands moved up your sides. You didn’t want to forgive him, didn’t want to understand.

“You told me not to die, and I didn’t,” You said. “And you paid me back by leaving,” 

His head dipped down into your lap as his arms closed around you. He was hurting too. Just as much as you were. Your hand moved to the back of his head, wanting to comfort him even after all this time. You knew he wouldn’t be here if it didn’t matter, if you didn’t matter to him. But it hurt so much for so long.

“Didn’t know what else to do,” A confession at the altar you built to hide your heart from the world. You felt the walls, the temple you haunted, start to shake and crumble.

“Why are you back?” Your voice was small as your hand traced the back of his head. You’d never seen him like this before, and it meant something to you. It had to.

“Soap said I was a dumb fuck for letting you go,” 

“That’s all it took?” You could almost laugh. You used your hands to bring his face up so you could look at him, but frowned when you saw his eyes, dark as always, but more haunted than normal.

There was more to it than just Soap talking shit. “Tell me what happened, love,” 

“Bad intel, shit went sideways.” You felt your heart clench.

“Who?”

“Whenever I closed my eyes all I could see was you all shot to shit, bleeding out like you were in a hurry to die,” 

“Simon,” You pressed.

“Me,” He finally said. You had his face in your hands, but he pulled away and ripped the balaclava off, showing you his face. You’d seen him before, but seeing him now, his eyes angry and wet, caught you off guard. There were no new marks on his face, but you studied him just to be sure. “I was the one bleeding out… and you weren’t there to see it.” Your heart dropped like a nuclear bomb, but when it hit bottom it didn’t explode. It just sat there, heavy.

“But you’re ok now,” You said. You were telling yourself just as much as you were reminding him. “And me, I’m here, I’m safe too,” Your thumbs brushed his cheeks, something that, even when you were together, you’d rarely gotten to do.

“I thought it would be better if you weren’t there,” He continued. “That I wouldn’t keep looking for you,” You wondered how long he’d been keeping this to himself, knowing he didn’t usually open up to anyone. You wondered if he’d told Soap, and that’s why he’d called him a dumb fuck.

“It sucked being here without you,” You said. “Not hearing from you. Soap calls once in a while, checks in. Price even offered to come visit. But I told him no.” 

Simon looked at you for a long time, not saying anything more. You held his face, knowing he’d run out of words. After a while, you just sighed and leaned down to kiss his forehead, holding the kiss for three counts too long.

“Should I go?” He asked. Your hands were on his shoulders now, his still along your waist while he knelt on your floor. You shook your head.

“I made soup, if you’re hungry,” You told him instead. He thought for a moment before he nodded. It took him a minute for him to pull away from you enough to stand. You picked up his mask and handed it to him before taking his hand. He laced his fingers with yours.

If he was going to stay, you were going to have to start over. And if you were going to start over, you’d do it right this time. Soft touches, gentle kisses. Not fast fucks in the desert. Not sloppy quickies behind the barracks. Not moans concealed by gloved hands.

He dutifully followed you to the kitchen and took the chair you offered him. You went about reheating the soup, as it was cold now. You didn’t say much, and he didn’t say anything. But his eyes followed you, face still open and empty of his mask. You weren’t sure you’d ever seen his face this long in a single go before.

It was nice.

“My sister made the bread, it’s fresh,” You told him, handing him a thick slice. You couldn’t help but touch his face one more time before turning back to the stove with his bowl.

You sat with him while he ate. Watching as he dipped the bread in and brought it to his mouth. You wondered if he liked any specific soup best. Maybe squash soup, or tomato, or mushroom bisque.

“What?” He asked after you’d stared at him too long.

“I missed you,” You said, knowing better than to lie. His lips threatened to turn into a smile.

“Missed you too,” He speaks carefully, as if the words were new, before returning to the soup. 

You were content, for now. He was here, he was clean, he was eating. You could touch him.

And the empty bowl was full.

[Masterlist]

#simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x reader #hurt/comfort #simon ghost riley #soup #imtherain #lackofpamcakes

[draken-rotzi]

U rlly notice sum shit was wrong with the relationship when I post heartbreak vents (on my close friends obs) and he shares "ideal date ideas" smh

Like literally a week or two after th breakup lmao

It wasn't that he didn't wanna do any lovely relationship shit at all, it was just that he didn't wanna do it with me, aight.

Four fkn years of my love and time and effort into the fucking trash all for nothing and a week later it's like nothing even happened between us for him, give me back my fucking 3ds rn istg

#goals #shut up draken #he's such an idiot #idk if I should be mad or sad #both rn #I'm sticking to fictional characters for a while now thank you #I tried my best and at least #I have no regrets #i loved with honesty. poured my heart and soul to make him happy #and this is what i get #fuck him tbh. idc he uses his tragedies as an excuse. his mom was an angel he shouldn't use her as a lame excuse for his lack of #emotional responsability #if he's still mourning why he be sharing RELATIONSHIP n SHIT A WEEK AFTER HE BROKE UP WITH ME #as if I wasn't insecure enough already bc of him #posted this on twitter but deleted bc he follows me there lol #just give me my 3ds back and never speak to me again please

[outerbankspreferences]

Is It Just Me? - Chase Stokes

Is It Just Me – Chase Stokes

 Word Count: 2893

 MASTERLIST

It's been way too long for me to find it this hard Sitting alone, my fingers picking the sofa apart An attempt to distract from the fact that I miss you I wonder if your friends have had to carry you home And stay for the night because they don't want to leave you alone Way before it was fun, it's becoming an issue

I know it's cruel But I kind of hope you're tortured too

 It had been exactly 3 months and 13 days since you and Chase had broken up. You wished it would have been a shock to you, but you had seen this coming. Things with Chase were great in the beginning. He was caring and sweet towards you. You could remember a time someone had cared for you as he had. You always supported Chase with everything he wanted to do with his life. You met him when he had just started out acting, and you were proud to watch his career blossom to the extent it had.

 But had someone told you 6 months ago that you guys wouldn’t be together anymore you would have denied the accusations. 6 months ago, you thought Chase was in love with you.

 Chase had been going back and forth to North Carolina for auditions and eventually got the leading role in the television series. You spent the first month with him and his new cast mate Rudy, having the time of your lives with the other people on the show. The whole cast would go out to different clubs every weekend enjoying spending time together.

 Just a little over 6 months later you were still going to clubs but this time on separate sides of the country. You couldn’t process what had happened in a healthy manner and instead turned to going out with your friends every weekend to keep your mind off things. It always ended the same, one of your friends dragging you up the stairs of your once shared apartment because you were too drunk to do it yourself. They had grown accustomed to the weekend ritual of getting you sleep wear and a bucket for the morning.

 Then you would wake in the morning, puking the nights content in the bucket popping Advil for the headache and dragging yourself to couch, throwing on some stupid movie that you wouldn’t be able to watch anyways. Instead, you would pick at the loose strings of the sofa thinking of all the times you spent in the apartment with Chase.

 Tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops? Like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross Are you hurting, yeah you must be Or is it just me? Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside When I say that we broke up and they ask why Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me?

 As you sit picking away at the sofa, you mind wanders to Chase. You still follow everyone on Instagram, and you were still good friends with Rudy, so you could see everyone’s stories. Rudy had been the only one to keep in touch with you, which surprised you because he and Chase seemed to be such good friends.

 You wondered if Rudy ever asked about you to Chase, and then you wondered what Chase’s reaction would be. Would his heart be in his stomach at every mention of your name, or would he simply shrug like you guys had never been more then distant friends?

 You sat wondering if Chase ever thought back to the day at the airport. The way he let you walk through security with no more then just a side a hug you would give a sibling. Wishing you a good flight and see you later before leaving. He hadn’t even waited for you to board the plane.

 There were so many things you had wanted to say to him. You want to tell him you loved him, that you would fight for him. More so you wanted him to fight for you, for the years you had spent together. To fight for the promises he made to you, the ones you made together and the ones to come. You wanted to apologize for not being enough, but you couldn’t find the right words, so you watched him walk out of your life.

 I heard a rumor you've been spending some time With that blonde girl that you work with and I know she's exactly your type And my miserable mind's running wild with the picture Or are you there by yourself, dialing, redialing my number? And I'm calling your mother, spilling tears on my jumper again The way I am

I know it's cruel But I kind of hope you're tortured too

 1 month later, Chase’s mother, Jennifer, had called you because she had seen the announcement on Instagram. The two of you had been close while dating Chase considering how close he was with her. Your mother lived down south, and you didn’t get to see her that often, so Jennifer was a close second.

 You had heard rumors from Drew and Rudy about Chase and Maddie hanging out together more, and it didn’t come as a shock to you. In the last bit of your relationship, you played second fiddle to her on multiple occasions. “It’s probably nothing, it because they have scenes together.” Rudy would make excuses over facetime when he watched your face drop at the mention of her name. “Yeah, you’re probably right, nothing to get worked up over.” You responded in a less then convincing tone, “she seemed super cool the couple of times I met her.” “Yeah she is. I think under different circumstances the two of you could have been friends.” He encouraged.

 When the nights started to get cold in LA again you found yourself struggling to sleep. It was at these times you would reread old text messages and look through old pictures of the two you. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but you weren’t ready to move on. Chase had extra time to mourn the lose of the relationship while you were still grieving. It was on these cold nights alone in the apartment you shared that you began to wonder if he was thinking about you. Was he sitting next to her thinking about you? Was he wondering whether he should call you or just delete your number?

 Tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops? Like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross Are you hurting, yeah you must be Or is it just me? Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside When I say that we broke up and they ask why Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me?

 It was early in the morning in North Carolina and Chase was sitting on the patio of his shared apartment with Rudy. The sun was just starting to rise in the distance as he found himself restless yet again. He had been awake for about an hour just laying in his bed when he finally decided to get up. He was careful not to wake the sleeping girl next to him. She felt different next to him compared to you. When the two of you slept together you always liked to be the big spoon. Chase let you, finding comfort being wrapped up in bed next to you. Maddie was different, she preferred to lay her head on his chest, letting the sound of his beating heart lull her into sleep.

 Not soon after Rudy came on the patio too, and Chase cursed him for being a night owl. “Not tired?” Rudy asked pulling out the bong they kept under the table. “No, and I didn’t want to wake Mads’” Chase spoke up tossing Rudy the lighter next to him watching the blonde inhale the smoke.

 “I can’t stop thinking about her.” Chase finally spoke up, keeping a hushed tone just in case. “Oh yeah?” “I shouldn't have left her like that. It wasn’t fair to her I just didn’t know what to do.” Chase explained and Rudy didn’t need to be a love doctor to know he was talking about you.

 “It’s been 2 weeks, she’s okay.” Rudy explained and Chase gave him a confused look. “When you guys broke up, I stayed in touch with her. She was mine friend too, and I felt bad that we all sort of dropped her when you guys broke up.” Chase nodded his head in understanding but was still jealous that Rudy got to talk to you. “Why did you break up with her? Not that I’m judging, I just thought things were going good between the two of you.”

 It was Chase’s turn to have a hit from the bong while he thought of his answer. “Shit man I don’t know. Things just feel different with Maddie then they did Y/N. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.” “Are you sure you’re not feeling too much as an actor oppose to being a person. Sometimes having a love interest on show can be different and confusing.” The blonde tried explaining to him but even he saw the demise of the relationship before Chase start acting with Madelyn. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” Chase asked looking at Rudy and he could tell by the look in his eyes that it was doubtful. “You hurt her man. I think maybe one day, but not right now. I think right now she’s just trying to figure out how to do this without you.” Rudy could see the few tears in Chase’s eyes, and he knew that this wasn’t easy on him ether.

 Chase got up but before leaving he spoke one more time. “If you talk to her again, just tell her that I never meant to hurt her the way I did.” Chase still wasn’t sleepy but the effects of the marijuana did aid in his problem, so he finished off with a shower. He turned the water to steaming hot and then got in. He let the water soak his hair while he wondered what you were doing right now. It only took a few more minutes for the tears to start. Chase stayed another hour in the shower wondering if he made the right decision.

 'Cause this would be one whole lot easier God, I know that's selfish but it's true If underneath some calm exterior You're all fucked up too

 The first few months of quarantine had been rough on you working from home. You also felt alone all the time but seeing Chase’s Instagram post sent you spiraling down another unhealthy path. You had just started to get better. You weren’t drinking as much, and you had let your friends set you up on a group date. You knew you weren’t ready for another relationship just yet, but you also couldn’t hide in your apartment for the rest of your life.

 You had also been talking to Rudy a lot more. He had been your biggest support through all of this. He had flown back to LA a couple weeks ago to help you move to a new apartment. You figured if you were going to move on you had to move from the place you spent the most time with Chase. It was bittersweet because not only did you have good memories at the home with Chase, but those memories extended to your other friends as well. Rudy had ensured you that you would make knew memories in your new place.

 But when you woke up on June 14, 2020 you almost had a heart attack. It had been 3 months and 13 days to the day, and he had already moved on. Now you were stuck trying to grabble with the emotions you were feeling. In some messed up way at first you didn’t want him to be happy. You wanted him to hurt the way you did, but you knew it wasn’t right. There was a small part of you that was happy that he was now happy.

 Then you were reminded that you owed Chase his half of the damage deposit. Rudy had told you they all moved back to LA and were waiting for season one to come out. You debated on just giving the money to Rudy for him to pass along, but you also wanted to face Chase, to show him that you were now okay even it was a lie.

 You took the latter of the chooses and sent him a text. (Y/N) It’s Y/N, I have your half of the damage deposit from the apartment. I can drop it off or you can pick it up if you want. You stared at the text message for fifteen minutes before sending it. It only took five for him to answer and you dashed to look at the phone. (C) Oh shit I forgot about that. I mean if you want to keep it, that’s fine. You scowled at the text. You didn’t need or want his pity money. (Y/N) I’m fine without it, if your busy I can send it with Rudy the next time he’s here. (C) Okay, no that’s fine I can come by today and get it just air drop me your address. You did just that deciding against messaging him back.

 Chase’s heart fluttered a little when he saw your name come up on his phone. He hadn’t heard from you in months, and he assumed it was going to be about the post on his Instagram. He made the decision that Maddie made him the happy he wanted to be and left you. He had just gotten back in town when you told him about the deposit, and he didn’t mind letting you keep the money. It was the least he could do after everything he put your though. His heart sank when you declined his offer but lite back up when you offered for him to come over.

 Tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops? Like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross Are you hurting, yeah you must be Or is it just me? Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside When I say that we broke up and they ask why Are you crying in the shower like a freak? With only cigarettes for company? Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me?

 He honestly thought of this as his chance to apologize for everything that happened. You didn’t deserve for him to treat you like that, and he owed you an explanation. He drove over to your house, white knuckled the whole way. You lived in a small, gated apartment building and he remembered Rudy telling Maddie B. about it. He remembered Rudy saying how excited you were for a new place, and he wasn’t sure if Rudy was just saying that to upset him. Every time Rudy mentioned something about you it always made his heart sink underground and he was reminded about the way he treated you.

 Chase started to walk up the stairs to your apartment once you buzzed him in but to his surprise you were waiting outside on the step. You looked tired and had lost weight which worried him because you were small to begin with. “Hey.” He spoke not really knowing what else to say. “Hi.” You said and he could hear how sore your voice sounded almost like you had been crying. You were smoking, which was something new, but he figured this was just as stressful for you as it was him You handed him an envelope with his name on it. “Uh, I cleaned the whole apartment, and nothing was broken so we could all the money back. Your half is in there, so I just need your key to give to the landlord.” You explained looking at Chase. He pulled his keys from his pocket fumbling with the ring.

 “Y’know, I never meant”- “Please don’t” “Please don’t want?” Chase looked at you confused. He thought you wanted an apology. “I can’t listen to it Chase. I know it’s mean, but I’m not ready to hear you apologize. I’m just starting to get better, and I don’t need you to set me back again.” You explained looking him the eyes. He flinched when you said again. He handed the key back to you. “Thanks, I hope everything works out. I’ll make sure to watch the show.” You smiled at him and he didn’t realize how much he missed seeing you smile. He returned the smile before turning on his heels to leave. “For the record Y/N, you weren’t the only one to get hurt in this.” And it was your turn to flinch at his words. “I guess grief looks better on some people.” And with that you escaped back into your apartment sliding down the door letting out a silent cry. What you didn’t know was that Chase was going back to his car to the same thing.

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[maybe-your-left]

BITCH I AM DEMANDING A FLUFFY PART TWO TO KYLO FORGETTING OUR DATE OKAY?!

I WANT SWEET AND NASTY MAKEUP SEX

HAHAHHA YESSSSS. here is part one of Kylo forgetting our anniversary.

“Hey.”

You sighed into the phone, slumped on the cool leather couch. The TV blaring before you, but you didn’t listen to what was on. It had been two weeks since you kicked Kylo out, the only communication shared were clipped texts and stale ‘Hi’s’ and ‘Byes’ when he needed to pick up clean clothes.

“Hi.”

Kylo took in a slow breath, you could practically feel the air hit your face. So close, yet so far, “Are you gonna be home today?”

“Yup.”

“Cool, I’ll be there at 12 during lunch. I have some shit to grab.”

You bit back sniffling, “Okay,” your voice cracked. “I’ll be here.”

———

You scrolled through your emails, waiting at the kitchen counter for him to show up. You'd applied for some jobs a few days ago if this was really the end of you two. You needed a job, there was no way you could afford living in the penthouse and at some point, Kylo would want it back.

It was in his name anyway, the only thing you really owned without his help was your laptop.

Fingers crossed you'd find something, you haven't worked in almost five years. You didn't need to with Kylo, and he urged you to not work. He wanted to take care of you, provide for you, help you in any way he could. But now, you were left high and dry, not even a single bank account in your name.

You swallowed back another round of tears, no.

No more tears, you'd get through this. You had family who would help, friends that supported you and wanted you to be happy. Even his mom, not that you'd stoop that low, was willing to help you.

It would be better to just cut all ties to him since there was a slim chance he would want to be back together.

You still weren't sure, you missed him. Terribly, barely sleeping because his presence was gone. Jumping towards your phone whenever it rang, hoping it was him on the other side calling to make it up to you.

But the man was stubborn, angry that you kicked him out.

Claiming that his accusations were valid, which wounded you further.

A light knock on the door drew you away from your wallowing, you took a shaky breath before whispering a faint, "it's open."

Kylo walked in slowly, dressed in his work clothes. A button-up, white, with his suit jacket and tight dress pants. His hair was getting longer, the harsh lighting of the kitchen showed a sheen of grease coating it.

And the bags, the bags under his eyes were darker than normal.

A part of you was smug over his appearance.

But the rest of you ached, fighting against your baser instinct to run towards him. So he could take you in his arms while you bathed him in kisses, mourning over the time spent apart.

"Hello," he nodded stiffly towards you. Not making eye contact as he shut the door. Kylo fiddled with the strap on his shoulder, his duffel bag hanging limp. Empty, ready to stuff more things inside before he ran away to whatever place he was staying.

"Hey," you croaked, eyes flitting back to your laptop. Biting your lip as you read through rejection after rejection, no one wanted you. The gaps in your resume were too long, your diploma meant nothing since you had zero experience.

Kylo's shoes scuffed the floor, sniffing loudly before he looked at you.

"I was going to grab some more things," he glanced towards the staircase, "All my stuff is at the dry cleaners right now, I've worn these pants two days in a row."

"That sucks."

He hummed, "Okay," backing away from you slowly. You watched him walk towards the stairs, back tense and straight. His hands were tucked into his pockets, something he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable.

You used to make him comfortable.

Now you just agitated him, even though it wasn't your fault you two were in this mess.

You stayed quiet as he rummaged around upstairs. Doors opening and closing, drawers slamming shut, you briefly heard swearing but you couldn't make it out. You hadn't thrown his stuff away, keeping everything organized. Right down to the hair products that he had left.

Color-coded and alphabetical by the sink.

His footsteps echoed to a stop, maybe he was considering kicking you out...

"Have you seen my black sweater?"

You stilled, his black sweater... "Nope."

A huff in annoyance, "The one that has the hole in the front, from when it got caught while we were in Niagra? It's not in the closet."

That's because I hid it, you thought. You'd been sleeping in it for the past week, it smelled like him and enveloped you like his arms used to. No way you were giving it back, call it a sacrifice of your relationship.

You listened to his slow descent to the kitchen, duffle now stuffed with clothes. He eyed you suspiciously, rolling his tongue along the inside of his cheek. Coming dangerously close to your seat, he angled himself behind you. A little to the left, but enough for him to spy on your computer screen.

"You're applying for jobs?"

You slapped your laptop shut, he didn't need to snoop.

"None of your business, Kylo."

He shrugged, looking up at the ceiling as he replied, "Might be good for you, to get out of the house."

"Mhm."

"You'll want to apply to multiple places," he stepped around you, opening the fridge for a brief glance inside. Spying one of his protein shakes that you hadn't thrown out, wasn't expired yet. Kylo cracked it open and took a small sip, "You won't be able to afford this place with entry-level salaries."

"Yes," you snapped at him, "I know that."

"Just trying to help, (Y/N)."

You climbed off your stool, moving away from him to curl on the couch. Already on the verge of tears, "You aren't helping, you're just being rude."

"Well, it's rude of you to steal my shit when we aren't together anymore."

That made the waterworks start, muffling your sniffles with your fluffy blanket. You tucked yourself away, desperate to disappear. Maybe when you woke up, everything would be back to normal, or you could wake up seven years earlier to avoid ever meeting him. Save yourself from the heartache that was tearing you apart from seam to seam.

You listened to the echo as he walked towards you. Huffing when he saw your shivering form, "I don't know why you're crying. I haven't been staying here for two weeks, we clearly aren't together."

"Whatever, Kylo," you whispered, voice breaking as you took in a wet breath, "Can you just leave?"

"Sure."

------

"I can't afford to stay there mom," you whimpered into the phone, you were stalling in your car. Parked in the garage of the apartment, you had been to an interview. Realizing the pitiful reality of your life, you had already begun to sell your designer clothes. Gucci purses, red bottoms, Tiffany earrings, Cartier bracelets, you name it. Anything that could help you create a bank account was sold off.

"Have you talked to him at all? Kylo wouldn't leave you high and dry, if anything he would pay for you to get an apartment."

"I don't want his help," you hissed.

A pause, "It would be humiliating to ask, I know he's expecting it. After the talk about jobs, he's just been waiting for me to cave and sacrifice my dignity."

"I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to talk with him, I know you both have been avoiding it after the fight. It could bring you both some closure-or better yet-get you guys back together so I can get some grandbabies."

"Goodbye, mom."

You huffed as you hung up, slamming your head back into your headrest. Maybe you could sell the car, people would pay top dollar for a gold Porsche. But the title was in Kylo's name, birthday present, any money you'd earn would belong to him.

You pulled up your text thread, the last messages sent were from three days ago. He left you on read, you texted him goodnight after a few stale messages about your day and when he could come and move some furniture out. Kylo had gotten an apartment on the upper east side, right by his office. You checked the old Zillow listing, it was huge and ridiculously expensive.

Enough room for him and a new girlfriend, you were certain he was already fucking someone else. With how cruel he was with you, not even trying to make amends. Probably his secretary, she was always a slut. Showing off her tits to him, even when you came to visit. Kylo probably bent her over his desk the day after he left, just because he could.

You swallowed your pride, it was now or never.

Kylo, I think we need to talk.

Send.

Let's see how long it... oh?

What happened, I'm at work right now.

Quick, maybe he got the notification on his laptop.

Could I swing by the office?

Right now?

Yeah.

Typing...

I have a shareholder meeting at 2, make it quick.

You sped towards his work, determined to get there before he changed his mind and banned you from coming. You were shocked he even agreed, maybe he was having a rare good day.

Or forgot that you two were broken up.

After parking, you jogged into the building. No need to say hi to anyone, it was embarrassing enough to be the ex-girlfriend visiting. At least you were dressed up, people wouldn't think you were in the poor house, yet.

You smiled coldly at his secretary, not bothering to tell her what you were here for. Despite her stuttering about him having a meeting at 2, she was totally fucking him. There's no way she wasn't, a man like him can barely go a day without sticking his dick in something.

Whipping open the door, you were met with the uncomfortable silence that blanketed his office. Curtains were drawn, lights on the dimmest setting, the only noises were the door creaking and his fingers typing.

Like he was punishing the words, Kylo was good at breaking keyboards with his aggressive emailing.

You cleared your throat, watching as his eyes briefly flickered towards you before moving back to the screen. Okay, you walked slowly towards his desk. Pulling out a chair as quietly as possible, the leather squeaking when you sat.

Kylo let out a long sigh, leaning away from his screen. "What is it you want to talk about?"

With a harsh swallow, you fiddled with the hem of your skirt. Anything to avoid his penetrating gaze, "I just wanted to talk about, you know."

He blinked, face blank, "Use your words, please. I don't have time to fuck around, I have a business to run."

"I-I-I"

"Spit.it.Out."

"How come you never apologized?"

Silence.

Kylo's jaw clenched and unclenched, leaning back in his chair slowly. Staring directly at you, "This conversation?"

"Yes, I need to know."

"What good is it doing us now?"

"I don't know I just-"

"What are you hoping to gain from this?"

"Kylo-"

He huffed loudly, "I don't have to answer you anymore, we aren't together."

You slammed a fist on his desk, rattling a few pieces he had decorating it. Standing on your wobbling legs, "Listen to me, you can be an asshole all you fucking want but I deserve answers."

Kylo narrowed his eyes, standing slowly before you. His form towering, making you feel even smaller than you already felt. Crawling to his office for closure, and instead, he wanted to argue with you about the necessity of the conversation.

You watched his palms lay flat on the polished wood, crinkling papers he had strewn about.

"If you're here for money, just fucking say it."

"I am not here for-"

Now it was his turn to slam the desk, "Bullshit! You're here to fucking grovel because you don't know how to take care of yourself. Can't even get a second-rate job!"

"You're the one who insisted on taking care of me!"

"So you think it's okay to demand money when we aren't together? Selling off all the shit I bought you to pay the power bills?"

You gaped at him, "I would never."

"Shut up," Kylo spat, leaning further across to be nose to nose, "You forget that I have your email linked to my laptop. I can see every pathetic message about pawning what I worked for. What I provided you, fucking ungrateful."

"How dare you sneak through my email!?"

"It's not sneaking if I have the passwords, darling."

"You can't fucking do that," you pushed away, arms folded while you glanced around the room. All your pictures were gone, more proof that showed he was erasing your existence, "At least I'm not already fucking someone..."

"Excuse me?"

You spoke over your shoulder, "You heard me."

"Are you seriously accusing me of that," Kylo scoffed, "When that's what got us into this mess in the first place?"

You shrugged, "How long have you been fucking her, did you march to her place after I kicked you out?"

"(Y/N)."

"I'm a big girl, I can take it. Just tell me the truth, because there's no way you'd just abandon me if there wasn't someone else."

"(Y/N)."

You spun on your heel, snarling with a finger in his face, "How many women have you replaced me with? Huh? Or is it just your slut of a secretary-"

Kylo flipped his desk, everything crashing to the floor. You screamed as he began to throw items to the walls, tear books off the shelves, kicking his chairs to the ground. Anything he could get his hands on he attempted to tear apart.

"Enough!"

Heavy breaths.

"I'm not fucking anyone else! Are you fucking serious? All I've fucking done is work! Trying to just fucking move on but nooo," he faced you now, cheeks red and puffing. A few tracks of tears streaking towards his jaw, "You-you just have to be right, and have to be the victim of all this when it's both our fucking fault!"

Kylo paced away from you, running his fingers through his hair before crouching down to the floor. Cradling his face in his hands while he took in shaky breaths, "I fucking missed you, so much. It's all I thought about, but every fucking time I came back you ignored me."

"Kylo-"

"No, you fucking iced me out. I could barely speak to you and I wasn't going to do anything over text."

You succumbed to your tears, there was no way to hold them. Choking as you wiped away the floods, "I-I didn't m-mean to, you weren't talking to me Kylo. How was I supposed to r-react?"

Now he was crying, hiccuping in an attempt to steady his breathing and push through it like he always had. But he couldn't stop the tremor in his voice, "You could've told me you loved me or forgave me. Anything would've been better than this."

"Why do I have to be the one to apologize, I'm not the one who forgot our day and manhandled me in the tub! You were drunk, rude, and horrible to me, I deserved an apology."

"I know," he sniffed, "I tried to-the first few times I came back for clothes. But you hid from me."

You nodded slowly, pacing your way towards him. Unsure of how he'd react to you touching him, but you needed to be closer. You shuffled to his side, sliding your back against the gray wall to the floor.

"We've never been good at apologizing."

Kylo sat on the floor, mirroring you against the wall, "At least before, you didn't kick me out. Force me to crash on a couch, you know I don't fit on couches."

You chuckled softly, not wanting to smile at the visual.

"That's why our couch was custom," he laughed too, dull and humorless, "Because I kept sliding off."

"Yup."

Both of you swallowed, throats clicking in unison. Kylo shuffled in a more comfortable position, looking out at the clouded sky that peeked through the shades.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry."

A breath, "I never meant to miss our day, and I thought you were finished with me. I should've just spoken to you instead of drink, but that doesn't mean much now."

You hummed, "Thank you."

"I can write you a check," he sighed, "So you can get another place and still keep whatever's left of your collections."

"You don't-"

"I know I don't."

Kylo wrote you a check for half a million dollars, not looking at you when he ripped it from his checkbook. He mumbled about the bank may be needing to call him to confirm it, just have them call my office number.

Sending you off without another word.

------

Your new apartment was cute, small, perfect for you.

Light and airy, none of the fixtures were black or red. Hues of pink, coral, green, and blue danced around the rooms. Your couch was velvet, just because you wanted it to be. With an abundance of pillows and candles on every surface, you could fit them onto.

Your bed was a four-poster with a dreamy white canopy, soft and cloudlike bedding scrunched up from however you left them. No one was running around frantic to make the bed, or straighten the blinds, or draw the curtains, it was just yours.

The check was cashed with little fuss, you tried not to cry about it. You dropped off the old house keys at Kylos office, along with your car keys, there was no need to keep the Porsche. You weren't living that life anymore, you could buy your own car now! And it would be yours, it was too hard to drive the gift everywhere.

Kylo told you to keep the car when he found the keys, but you ignored his messages. He wouldn’t understand why you wouldn’t keep it, but that was his problem.

You sighed into your couch, looking at the TV nestled next to the bay window. Imagining where you could squish more houseplants… you already had an abundance but it wouldn’t hurt.

Your phone began to vibrate on the coffee table, startling you as you scrambled towards it. Oh, it was Kylo, odd.

“Hey?”

“Hey.”

“Uh,” you stood from the floor, scratching your cheek as you walked. “What’s up?”

He cleared his throat, “I saw you got a place, wanted to drop off a housewarming gift.”

Your face scrunched, balancing the phone between your face and shoulder. Popping a potato chip in your mouth, “Why would you do that?”

A sigh, “Can you just buzz me in? I brought wine…”

“Whatever.”

Kylo came in with a tight smile, dressed in some black joggers and a gray t-shirt. He looked like he just rolled out of bed, not his typical look on a weekday. He held up a brown paper bag, Whole Foods on the label.

"You went to Whole Foods?" you raised a concerned brow.

"Nope," he set the bag on your kitchen table, eying the plants and crystals that littered your living room. A few magazines were strewn around on the surface, "I had my secretary do it."

You glared at him, which he noticed before shaking his head rapidly, "New secretary-not the old one. His name is Brady, he's very nice."

Kylo stood with his hands in his pockets, glancing in every direction as you approached the bag. Humming when you began pulling out the goodies he had, as promised there was a bottle of wine. Your favorite, along with a set of glasses.

A clear purple tinge, almost vintage looking. Some of your favorite fruit, he blushed when you held them up to his eyes. Mumbling how you never had enough of them in the past, and it was their season.

Now you were blushing, finding some red velvet cupcakes. Packaged beautifully, and a small vase in the shape of a kitty. You placed it on the table, looking at it over and over. Biting your lip as you waited for something to happen.

"I like your place," Kylo croaked out, "It's very bright."

You chuckled, "You're just used to your eyes straining from all the red and black decor."

He hummed, walking down your hallway. Glancing indoors that were left open until he made it to your bedroom. You heard him groan when he saw the white sheets and canopy, Kylo whistled for you.

Obediently, you pranced towards him, taken aback when he was sprawled on your mattress. Facedown with his face in your pillow, groaning like he was trying to wake up from a good dream.

"I fucking forgot how good you smelled," he moaned out, looking over at you lazily, "What would I have to do to get you to make out with me in here?"

------

LOL, this was long, but I'll do a part three if you would enjoy the rest of their reunion.

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#adam driver #adamdriver #kylo ren #boyfriend kylo ren #modern kylo ren #part two of our angsty part one #my writing #maybe-your-left

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

#outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron series #obx netflix #obx #obx fanfic #where it leads series #where it leads

[shedobewritingalittle]

Home

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Skywalker fem!Reader

Summary: Poe has a series of thoughts while watching the reader sleep beside him.

Word Count: 1.5k

Rating: T

Warnings: fluffiness? Angst maybe? Mentions of death I guess but like not really

A/N: I don’t know what this is. I feel like it’s shit? I have no clue. Uhhhh enjoy?

Light was barely creeping into the windows when Poe woke up. Y/N was still sleeping, curled up against him. One of her hands was resting on the growing bump hidden underneath all of the blankets and sheets. The image brought a sleep filled smile to Poe's face. Even while sleeping, Y/N can't help but be protective.

He had found out that she was carrying after Exegol, that night when they finally retired to their shared room. Y/N had known for awhile now, a month at least. There hadn't been a right time to tell him, not with everything that was going on. Her mother had told her that there was never going to be a right time, but she had also told Y/N to wait another month just in case something happened to the baby. But after the death of her mother and brother, she felt like she had nothing left to lose.

Y/N hadn't looked excited when she told Poe, but then again with everything that had happened, it was difficult to be happy. Everyone else was celebrating the end of the First Order, the death of Palpatine and Kylo Ren while she was mourning the loss of her mother and brother, the loss of her father and uncle still fresh wounds. Y/N had broken away from the festivities, finding a medical droid to make sure that she and the child were okay. By the time Poe had returned to their shared room, the secret she had been holding immediately spilled out of her mouth.

Poe had been extremely confused at first, her words settling in slowly. It was the tears in her eyes that made him snap out of it and walk over to her, pulling her into his arms. Y/N was worried that it was all too much, especially since Poe was going to be co-General with Finn. She knew more than anyone how much that job takes away from family, how demanding it was. In addition to that mess, they weren't even that serious. They'd never talked about the future of the relationship. Kids had never been brought up, but now they didn't even get a chance to discuss it. The resistance pilot told her that it was completely okay that she was pregnant. He told her that he was more than happy, elated, by the fact that she was with child.

They had waited another month before telling their friends. Rey, Rose, and Finn were all extremely excited as soon as news tumbled from Y/N’s lips. Poe had held her hand the whole time, watching his partner closely as their shared friends babbled enthusiastically. A smile was even growing on her face, that was until Rey asked if the child was going to carry the Skywalker or Solo name. Y/N's smile turned into a thin line as she shook her head. Before Poe could open his mouth to change the subject, Y/N said firmly that the child growing inside of her was going to carry on Poe's last name.

Before that moment, they hadn't discussed names and Poe had been perfectly okay with the child carrying Y/N's much more famous surname-in his eyes, it would just make more sense for the child to be a Skywalker or a Solo. He didn't mind in it in the slightest, but Y/N saying that the child-their child-was going to have his last name? Maker, it made his heart pound in his chest and brought a smile to his face. When they had both returned to their room for the night, Y/N had made it clear that she didn't want to force that arduous legacy that came with the Skywalker name onto their child. She didn't even want to name the baby after one of her family members.

"I don't want to curse this child before it's born, Poe."

"You're staring, Poe." Y/N's sleep filled voice yanked Poe out of his thoughts. Her eyes were still shut, but a tired smile had appeared on her face. He smiled back at her, his arm wrapping around her a little tighter.

"Can you blame me, princess?" He murmurs to her, his voice roughened with sleep. A yawn slips out of her mouth as she snuggles a little closer to him, legs entangled.

"Tell your child it's not time to get up. They won't stop moving." Y/N says softly, her eyes opening slightly to look up at him. Poe chuckles, the sound vibrating his chest. His hand moves to rest on her stomach, a soft smile on his face. The child had been restless, constantly moving whenever Y/N was trying to rest. She’s been a lot more tired than usual, always retiring early to their shared room soon after they’d eat.

“Kid, you got to let your mom rest.” Poe says sweetly, his thumb moving against her shirt in a soothing manner. The early morning grumpiness Y/N usually feels slips away for a second as she watches him. She wishes they can stay like this a little while longer, but with how bright the room is getting, Y/N knows that they don’t have a lot of time left.

“You have to get going soon. You have a meeting with Finn.” Y/N reminds him as she moves to lay on her back, wiping a hand over her face. Poe watches as the ring on her left hand catches the light as she attempts to brush the sleep off of her.

He had given Y/N his mother’s ring a week ago. It wasn’t much-it was just a steel washer that his father had given his mother. It was far from the jewelry Leia had wore, but you wouldn’t have thought that with the way Y/N had acted when Poe presented her with the ring. Her face had lit up and almost immediately her eyes filled with tears as he held out the steel ring. Big fat tears rolled down Y/N’s cheeks as Poe explained that he wanted her to have it and that his mother would’ve loved her. Y/N knew why he wore that ring around his neck. Poe had told her before that he was saving the ring for the right person and the fact he was giving it to her-Maker, she couldn’t help but be emotional.

“Finn can kriff off. I wanna look at you a little longer.” He tells her, grinning at her. Y/N rolls her eyes, but she can’t help but smile back at him. Poe moves a little closer, pressing his lips against her temple. Y/N turns her head and presses her lips against his. Poe immediately kisses her back, his hand moving to cup her cheek as he shifts in the bed.

“You need to go. Please, Poe.” Y/N says between kisses before she pulls away, his lips chasing after hers. Poe sighs, pouting slightly before he sits up. The blankets and sheets fall away as he stretches before he gets out of bed, immediately moving to turn the light on. Y/N sits up a little, watching him as he moves, her hand resting on her stomach. The smile stays on her face.

When Poe turns back to look at her, he can’t help but grin as he tugs on his boots. Y/N is laying in his bed, her hair a mess. She’s wearing one of his shirts, her bump fully on display as she holds her stomach, smiling at him. Poe really wants to crawl back into bed with her and hold her close. He knows that as her due date grows closer, these days are getting harder for her. Poe knows Y/N wishes her family was here. She wishes that her mother could be guiding her through this new, untouched world. Wished that her father and her Uncle Luke would be giving Poe a hard time. Y/N even wished Ben was here, taking on the role of an uncle. He knows that she meditates everyday, hoping to have her questions answered but to no avail.

She tries not to talk about it, not wanting to pile anything more on Poe’s plate, but he knows that she’s hurting. Y/N was always good at hiding her emotions. Leia had once said that what makes Y/N such a good soldier-that ability to make her face completely void of what she was feeling. That might be the case, but in instances like this-well, it made Poe’s job as Y/N’s partner a lot harder. So in times like this where she was actually smiling, he had to keep her happy.

“Do I at least have time to give you a goodbye kiss?” He questions, sauntering over to the bed after slipping his blaster into his holster. Y/N tries to withhold the girlish giggles that threaten to slip out her mouth as he climbs onto the bed.

“I think you can fit it into your schedule.” She replies as she moves to sit up. Poe cups her face sweetly, leaning down and capturing her lips.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #oscar isaac #star wars

[alecxaheart]

Sunshower | Lee Felix Oneshot

✎ Genre : Friends to Lovers AU, Idol AU, Fluff, Angst

✎ Pairings : Lee Felix X Reader

✎ Word Count : 2.5k words

✎ Synopsis : We all know that sunshines together with the rainfall makes a rainbow. And that is exactly like how you fell for the freckled sunshine.

✎ Warnings : Explicit Language

✎. . . Sudden change of plans for the title. :P Enjoy!

In an early afternoon, Felix had to stop by for lunch at this wonderful bakery near the Hangang Park. Where they serve many delicacies such as bars, breads, desserts, cookies, muffins, and more. His personal favorite was their fudgy brownie bites, so favored that he's inspired to make one of his own.

As soon as he opened the door to the bakery, he felt the stress he had from practice a while ago were completely relieved. The bakery gave off a warm welcome when he stepped in. Contrasting to the cold breeze of autumn outside. The aroma of newly baked goods lingered around the room that it felt like Felix's being lured immediately to the cashier. It almost smelled like heaven, thought of Felix.

The moment that he got his desired lunch in his hands, he took a seat near the window. He savored each bite of the pastry, eyes rolling to the back of his head at it's deliciousness. Although a ring from his phone interrupted him from his feast.

" Oi Felix, " Chan greeted as soon as he answered his call. Felix first dabbed his mouth with the provided tissue before replying to Chan, " What's up? ".

While he's into the conversation with his friend, something – or rather someone on the streets captured his eyes. You were aimlessly running after a piece of paper caught in the wind. The breeze carrying locks of your silk hair. Your eyes reflecting the sun and eyebrows knitted as you continue to struggle. When the time that you've had it in your hold came, you accidentally slipped on the autumn leaves. Causing you to painfully land on your butt. A groan fell out of your lips as you rubbed your butt to ease the pain. All of the commotion that Felix saw from you made him break out a giggle, which left his friend confused on the other line.

" Ah yeah, yeah. Let's defo have a barbie this arvo. "

Felix thought that you were adorable.

" (Y/N)? " Called out by the person on the other line as soon as you picked up the call. Your phone was pressed against your right ear while you continued searching for the remote underneath the pillows. It surely has been a while since the last time you interacted with your boyfriend, Park Jongsuk, and God knows how much you missed him. Just hearing his soothing voice at this moment sent butterflies into your stomach. His voice is enough for you to make your day better. " Yes, love? " You asked, smiling to yourself. Also noticing how his tone sounded more requesting. As much as you wanted to beam at him a ' good afternoon ' and ask how is he, you decided not to.

Once you've found the remote to your television, you turned the volume down so that your conversation with him wouldn't be interrupted. You've been just passing some time by watching Netflix for about a week now. Actually, not only for passing time but it is even for avoiding yourself to overthink your current situation - especially about your relationship status with Jongsuk.

" Could we.. " He first trailed off for a moment, contemplating if he should persist with the plan. " Could we meet up later? " That question alone made you joyful and excited, smiling from ear to ear. You give him your enthusiastic approval before ending your call by telling one another that you're both anticipating for your meet up. Turning off the television, you were off to your room to fix yourself. Afterall, this is your first meet up with him ever since the day you were parted by long distance — that's been like roughly 8 months. Him achieving his dreams as a model and actor, away from your home country, Australia. He did brought you with him though. The first months you shared the same apartment, every moment filled with happiness and love.

That is until everything drifted apart. It began with him moving to a dorm nearby and supported by his Entertainment. His weekend visits turned to none at all. Everything that became a habit with him vanished one by one. Leaving you only with memories. But it seems like today's the day you'll start to get everything back.

Oh how you are so oblivious to your bittersweet fate.

Arriving to the said location, Hangang Park. It runs through thousands of miles and has many parks along the way. An environment friendly place for people to enjoy nature, sports, foods, entertainments, fountains, and more. You personally just adore how comforting it is to be there and to have a breath-taking sight of Han River, especially at night. Every locals and tourists savor their time to be here the same as you do. Although as of today, you couldn't help but notice that the park isn't as packed as it usually is.

You sat down on a nearby bench, waiting for Jongsuk to make an appearance. He did told you to come in the late afternoon and you did get there in time. Leaning onto the bench, you let out a sigh. Eyes finding itself staring at the sky covered with gray clouds. The cold wind crashing into your figure, making you shiver. You were sure that you checked today's weather forecast before leaving your household, told you that it'll just be a cloudy day.

Children's hearty laughs soon began turning to murmurs and whispers. The sound of silverware and plates clinking rang through your ears. It sounded like the family's starting to pack up and clean up their picnic space. " Come on, let's go! " Called out by a woman in her late 20's, assumming that she's the mother. You grew anxious when you noticed how everyone seemed to abandon you alone. Why is everybody departing out of the blue? You've just arrived.

" (Y/N), " You heard your own name being mentioned and it came from  behind you. Recognizing the owner of the cordial tone of his voice, you turned around to meet a pair of eyes wearing misty gray contact lenses. Seeing him washed away all of your worries. Your heart's about to instantly jump out of your chest due to the fact that it's filled with pure happiness. Unconsciously smiling brightly at him.

" Love! " Running towards him, you hugged his tall form securely. Mumbling the words, " I missed you. "

However, to your surprise, he never returned the hug. In fact, Jongsuk gently removed your arms around his waist. " (Y/N), I missed you too, " He started, crouching a little bit to face you better. " Although I have something to tell you. Something important, that's why I came. " Something's starting to creep into your guts. As if it's warning you that there's something off about today. He stated that but he never smiled back at you ever since he made an appearance. Plus, he always addresses you by your real name. Not your shared endearment which is strange.

You hummed in response, your smile slowly fading from your lips. " What is it? " Jongsuk saw how your eyes sparkled with hope. He knows that you're yearning for him to tell you that your gut feeling is wrong. Which made him more guilty for what he's about to do.

" (Y/N), let's.. " He hesitated, hating the fact that he has to see you in this state. However, he does know better for what's best for the both of you. " Let's end this here. " To be better off with someone else. Those words were enough to shatter your heart into million of pieces. Your face fully turning into a gloomy countenance with a hint of confusion. Your lips starting to quiver. For a second, you were frozen into place. You dislike how you couldn't control yourself right now.

" I'm sorry, we just didn't work out anymore. " He continued. Thoughts were flooded with denial, that this is happening at this very moment or you must've misheard everything. But no, Jongsuk's facial expression says it all.

" I understand, " Your voice sounded brittle, holding back the tears. Pity is one of the things that's written on his face. That's the least thing you wanted from anyone, to pity you. As if it's telling that you're incapable of overcoming the worst situations in life, that you're fragile and being belittled. And you clearly despise it. " I'll take my leave now. "

With that, you walked away from him. Your arms found itself wrapping around your own figure, trying your best to calm down. Your mixed emotions of fury and agony almost getting the best of you. Although each second that's passing is killing you. Heart aching, lips quivering, you were just in the worst state ever. And once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. Resulting you to run away aimlessly. To wherever your feet may take you.

One drop, two drops fell from the skies that made you slow down until you come to a total halt. You looked up to the sky, seeing it covered with dark clouds. A droplet landed on your cheek, a simple gesture from the heavens of wiping off your tears and you'd like to think of it that way. It wasn't long after the drizzle transitioned to a downpour. As if the heavens are crying and mourning with one of its beloved (you) at what tragedy it witnessed. Unfortunately, you haven't brought your umbrella with you due to the fact that you believed at the false weather forecast. So, you let yourself get drenched in the rain. Not giving any piece of shit about the aftermath. You're currently already exhausted and under the weather.

You closed your eyes, body shivering to the cold air being left out from under the showering water. For a few minutes, you stayed there. Not even minding any comments from the people passing by. That is until you didn't feel the rain landing on your body out of the blue. Strange that you could feel a warm presence to your right. However, you could still hear water coming in contact with the pavement.

When you've parted your eyelids, you were greeted by a black fabric instead of gray clouds. " G'day mate, " A familiar deep voice laced with Australian accent greeted. Glancing to your left, he beamed a sweet smile at you. It was as warm, bright and blinding as the sunshine that it could possibly change the whole weather. To be honest, he's the least man you expected to see today since you thought he's as busy as your ex-boyfriend was.

Lee Felix.

" You know you'll get ill with what you're doing and that's least thing I wanna know from my mate. So, that's defo a no no from me, " He pointed out, handing you his umbrella. You timidly accepted it anyway, hand brushing pass his warm ones. Eyes instantly staring at the wet pavement as soon as it's in your grasp. Sighing, Felix took his jacket off and placed it on top of your shoulders. He also handed you a handkerchief after that, receiving a small thank you from you. Then took the umbrella handle back into his grip.

" You know, your ex-boyfriend's a dick, " That being stated by Felix, you let out a belly laugh while drying your face. Seeing your face lit up also made him laugh with you. Ever since the beginning, you both just clicked when Jongsuk first introduced him to you. The time one of you spoke the first " Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! " call, you felt the connection between the two of you while harmonizing at " Oi, Oi, Oi! ". And honestly, he's better at handling long distance friendships than your ex-boyfriend was. He made sure that he gives time for your friendship despite of his busy schedule from being an Idol. Which is impressive because that's just friendship, what more if he's in a relationship?

" I'm sorry, it's just – That came out from you very unexpectedly. I never saw that coming but I like the change. " You chuckled, now walking down the streets with Felix.

" Well, it's still true though, " Felix began, taking out his favorite fudgy brownies he bought from Sunny's. " How could he be so impatient and ghosted you for straight 8 months? And love is known to be patient. He let himself get defeated just by distance. " He took a bite at the brownie, chewing it thoroughly before continuing. " I even heard rumors of him and this make-up artist from his drama recently. "

" What the fuck, " You cursed under your breath, the last part surprising you. Avoiding the chances of you overthinking, you shook your head then changed the topic. " So you're admitting that you've been spying on me, huh? "

" Hey, it's not my fault that I was at Sunny's because my stomach's craving again for those pastries when I witnessed it, " Felix defended, earning a hum as a response from you.

" Though, it felt like I was watching a K-drama, " He jokingly added which ended with you smacking him upside the head playfully.

Reaching back home, you invited Felix for dinner and he gladly accepted the offer. As long as you agreed to his terms of conditions. Let him play League Of Legends on your PC and buffalo wings for dinner.

Coming out of the bathroom fully dressed and hair slightly damped, you saw Felix already busy playing on your PC. The headphones plugged into his ears. You're probably gonna kill him if you found out that he gave you a losing streak. Leaving the room, you went down to the kitchen. Preparing his desired meal. As you were doing so, you occasionally heard faint screams from upstairs which made you chuckle. It was quite odd how well Felix knows to immediately make your day better. Like as if nothing, no tragedy, ever happened earlier.

By the time you called Felix for dinner, he dashed down the flight of stairs and towards the dining area. His eyes sparkled and mouth almost drooling at the delicious sight plus taste of the meal. He didn't hesitate to dig in, taking one into his lips and you followed. While eating, Felix's eyes landed on a picture frame unintentionally, making him glare at it. " You should find someone better, " He suggested, his chocolate orbs meeting your own.

When you're always this close to him, you could see his charming points well. From his distinctive features to his gorgeous freckles. You still continued to believe that it was a constellation map drawn by the Gods so that people could never forget what the heavens looked like especially on cloudy days like today. It must've took a lot of patience, dedication and love to sculpt him. How blessed he is to be one of God's greatest masterpiece. Maybe, the heavens loves you so much that they sent him for you. Afterall, the heavens did show affection to you in a form of rainfall.

" Yeah, as if there's someone as better as you. " You murmured while continuing to feast onto the meal. However, Felix heard it clearly.

" Hmm.. " Felix pondered for a moment, chin resting on top of his hands. " Too bad there's only one of me. "

" Although this one does like you. "

End.

#alecxaheart #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids #stray kids felix #stray kids fluff #stray kids oneshots #stray kids oneshot #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #skz x reader #skz scenarios #skz fluff #skz #skz felix #skz imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop oneshot #kpop #lee felix #felix #idol au #friends to lovers #friends to lovers au #idol #fluff #angst with a happy ending #angst #felix oneshot

[missmollybloom]

New Fic: Couples Retreat

Summary: Two months after the phonecall from Sherrinford and Sherlock Holmes can tell that things haven’t been the same between the detective and his pathologist. With Molly pulling away from him, will an undercover case at a couples’ retreat be enough for Sherlock to show his pathologist that things can go back to normal between them?

(And, as it’s a Sherlolly fic, do you really think “normal” will remain “normal” for long?)

 A/N: So here I am with another WiP. I’m trying a few new things. In terms of plot, I’ve never written a case fic before - so wish me luck! In terms of process I’ve actually plotted the whole thing out so (hopefully!) I shouldn’t write myself into writer’s block and should hopefully update regularly. Here’s to good intentions. I hope you like it!

Also on Ao3 here.

Chapter 1

Sherlock Holmes didn’t like change. Of course, this fact shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone. He was, after all, a man who had lived in the same flat for the past ten years, worn the same make and style of Belstaff coat for just as long, and once mourned his favourite brand of ball-tip pen going out of business by sulking on the couch for two weeks.

But the change which Sherlock found hurtling towards him this time was no mere inconvenience like the pens, or couldn’t be handled by stocking up on a cupboard full of identical coats. This change had the power of turning his whole world upside down.

So shaken was Sherlock by the news that it took John only five minutes in his presence for him to declare the detective’s mood so “un-fucking-bearable,” that he was banned from visiting John’s flat until he “pulled his head out of his arse.” Both of these statements were said by his friend mere moments before slamming the door in the detective’s face.

Sherlock couldn’t help it. So blindsided was he by the change that was coming upon him that he had no means to process it outside of the piercing verbal barbs he had flung at his friend. Barbs that were not received well and would, in any other circumstances, have led to a black eye or two.

Sherlock got off lucky – nary a bruise from John shoving him out the door - and only because John knew the one fact that Sherlock was only just discovering: If Molly Hooper left London, Sherlock Holmes would be lost.

Even though Sherlock had no idea before that day that Molly was even contemplating such a thing, there were hints that he missed.

Although he and Molly had been able to continue working together after the awkwardness of explaining that phone call to her, things in the past few months were decidedly different from before.

Molly, for her part, took his explanation well, understanding the situation Eurus had put him in. Nevertheless, there had certainly been a reserve in their exchanges ever since. Sure, she’d do the autopsies he requested, and would work late to run extra tests, but it was all delivered with the cool detachment of a colleague, none of the warmth he’d come to expect, value, even enjoy from Molly.

Even their companionship, the comfortable silence spent working side-by-side in the lab had evaporated over the last few months.

Earlier that morning, the morning Sherlock’s world fell off its axis, he strode into an empty lab that he could tell she’d only just vacated. At the time, it didn’t even cross his mind that she was making every effort to limit her time with him.

But now, as he lay on the couch in Baker street, reflecting on the day that was, he realised that she most certainly was.

---

Earlier that day, Molly heard Sherlock’s familiar voice echoing down the hallway outside her lab. On the phone to John, she guessed. She didn’t bother packing up before leaving through the side door, escaping before he could find her in the lab. She needed some air, needed some space, needed anything other than Sherlock Holmes, and Beppe’s café just down the road from Barts would do the trick.

Making herself scarce whenever Sherlock came around was a habit she had formed ever since the phone call from Sherrinford a few months ago. Of course she couldn’t keep working at Bart’s and never see him, it was, as Mycroft Holmes had called it all those years ago, Sherlock’s “home from home”.

Molly decided that she’d do what he needed for his cases but nothing extra.

No late night phone calls where he used her as a sounding board.

No walks through London like they had spent in the long nights of his recovery after the Culverton Smith case.

Certainly no invitations to eat takeaway in her flat.

Not that he had tried to resume any of their friendship rituals since that day, either.

What the detective didn’t see, or couldn’t perceive in all his intellect was that Molly was a woman in pain. Not for any lack of the detective’s observational prowess; rather, Molly didn’t trust herself to give him the opportunity to see her, had built a wall around herself so thick and although the cement hadn’t yet hardened into toughened concrete as yet, she knew well enough that time spent in Sherlock’s presence would only weaken the foundations, causing the wall to crumble and herself to be revealed.

That phone call had for a moment fulfilled every hope she had ever held for their relationship, only to have said hopes dashed with the sudden silence of the suspended phone line. Even if she kept a kindling of the flames alive for a few hours afterwards, his explanation was a deluge of rain, making it impossible to stoke the embers of her hope back to life again.

It was early morning the next day after the phone call when he arrived. He looked like shit and this was in the opinion of someone who had seen him after faking his death, had seen him hanging over a toilet bowl vomiting bile because his detoxing body couldn’t handle any food, had seen him at his lowest.

But his sunken eyes had seen ghosts that day. He’d also, she’d soon learn, seen her on a screen with a countdown timer that – with four men already dead at Eurus’ hands – gave Sherlock no reason not to believe counted the seconds ticking away in the final minutes of Molly’s life.

“I had no other choice, I hope you’ll understand and one day, even forgive me.” He had asked.

“There is nothing to forgive.” She had lied.

The phone call was an experiment, just as he had said. Just not his.

And the words, said twice and so convincingly, were mere lies to save her life.

How could she ever be so daft as to believe them to be true?

She needed time and space to rebuild from the ashes – which was becoming increasingly difficult with the frequency with which Sherlock had been visiting Barts in the last week.

But Molly Hooper had another plan. There was another way she could maintain her space and heal her heart.

---

Sherlock lay across the lounge at Baker Street. His hands were steepled under his chin as he replayed the events of the day again, scouring them for any hints at what was to come.

Sherlock was about to follow Molly out to her favourite lunch place when his phone rang. Normally, he’d ignore a call from his mother, but with the wounds wrought by Eurus’ reappearance from the dead still raw, he had softened of late in his treatment of his parents.

The recovered memories from his childhood now revealed why his parents had always fretted over him so much.

“Morning mother,” he began.

“Oh Sherlock, I’m so glad you answered. Are you well?”

“Yep,” he said, popping the P. “Is that why you called? Checking in on my health? Because it’s easier to text.”

“No dear, it’s Cheryl Williamson – do you remember her, from my square dancing troupe?”

“Yes,” he lied, without any attempt to sound convincing.

His mother continued, “Well it’s her son, James. Well actually it’s his wife Melanie. You see, she’s missing and I was hoping-“

“Solved it.” He cut her off.  “She left him.”

“No! That’s just the thing!” His mother persisted, “They’d just been to a couples’ retreat.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. So far, so boring.

“Can you please look into it for me?”

He didn’t have the heart to say no. But he also knew how little attention he could give such a case and still count it as keeping his promise to his mother. Five minutes on the internet should do the trick.

“Of course I will.”

Sherlock hung up before his mother finished showering him with effusive praise.

He needed a computer, and he knew just where to find one.

Having succeeded in avoiding Sherlock earlier, Molly was shocked to find him in her office sat at her computer when she returned to Bart’s.

“Sorry. I had a case,” was his greeting.

“Won’t be long,” he added, all without looking up from the screen.

“Oh, that’s ok, I’ll just-“ Molly placed down her take-away bag from Beppe’s café on the desk and turned to leave.

“You can stay.” He said, gesturing to the visitor’s chair. “It is your office after all.”

As much as she wanted to leave, there was a not insignificant part of her that missed the companionship they used to share as they worked together in the lab. She opened the take-away tiramisu cake and started eating it.

“MrsDawson1976 isn’t a very strong password, Molly”.

“I’ll be sure to change it.”

“I would have pegged you for a Pacey fan, anyway.”

“I would have assumed you would have deleted all knowledge of American teen dramas from the 1990s.”

She should have left it at that, but it was Sherlock and he was on a case, so curiosity got the better of her.

“What’s the case?” she couldn’t help asking.

“Missing woman. Wife of a son of a friend of my mum’s.”

“What a good boy you are,” Molly teased with a wry smile. “Any leads?”

“Not a one,” Sherlock said, frowning, eyes scouring the screen for more clues. “It seems that she left early from a couples retreat four weeks ago and vanished, leaving no trace.”

This was where she would usually chime in. This was where she would have joined him on his side of the desk, standing so close that she could see the stubble forming on his chin, nose filled with the scent of him, a scent she craved and had to admit she had been missing.

But she didn’t join him.

Instead, she stood.

“Good luck with it,” Molly said, standing, punctuating her exit by throwing the empty cake container in the bin.

---

Sherlock watched her go. It was the longest time she’d voluntarily spent in his presence in months, and it had only been a few minutes.

He had seen in her a vacillation, a moment in which she may have come and helped him, but it evaporated in an instant, and Sherlock was left alone.

His searches for Melanie Williamson had yielded no clues. Her mobile phone was dead. Her accounts had not been accessed. Her car remained on the street where she’d parked it in front of her flat before taking the train to North Norfolk for the couples’ retreat.

The woman, it seemed, had evaporated.

Curious indeed.

Online avenues of inquiry all exhausted, Sherlock was about to turn off Molly’s computer when an email alert popped up. Normally, her inbox was full of messages from Mike Stamford, or questions from her various trainees, or subscriptions to online shopping sales from H+M or Topshop, her brands of choice.

He would have ignored all these. But not this one. This one he had to open based on the preview text alone.

 From: [email protected]

Subject: Progress of your application

Dear Doctor Hooper, thank you for your interview on Zoom last week. We are in the final stages of reference checks and will inform you of our decision in the coming week.

Warmly,

Jane Harper

HR manager, Glasgow Royal Hospital.

 Molly had applied for another job.

Molly had interviewed for another job.

Said job was in Glasgow.

This wouldn’t do. Sherlock strode out of Molly’s office and upstairs to the one man who could make sense of what was going on.

It turns out that Mike was in the middle of a call when Sherlock arrived, and from what Sherlock heard, it was the reference check that the email referred to.

“Hang up.” Sherlock declared.

“Sorry?” Mike said.

“Hang up!”

Sherlock didn’t wait, placing his fingers on the receiver cradle to cut off the call.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mike asked, face reddening.

“What do you think you’re doing, Mike? Molly can’t leave Bart’s!”

“She can if she wants to, mate. Do you know how many headhunters have been after her in the past 10 years? She’s said no to every single one.”

“But what has changed?” He asked himself, rather than Mike.

---

Having reviewed all available data from the day, Sherlock stood from the lounge. Taking his violin out of its case, he plucked at the strings, hoping the familiarity of the instrument would give him peace, help him understand.

He didn’t know how long he had been playing, or precisely what he had been playing, but from the look on Mrs Hudson’s face, it had been a while, and not necessarily music that was soothing to the soul.

“I need to sleep Sherlock,” his landlady had pleaded. “I’ve got the ladies coming over to play bridge tomorrow.”

In the past he would have snapped at her. In the past he would have taken out his frustrations on the wall or on the mantlepiece.

Instead, he stood, grabbing his coat and leaving without a word.

He walked for hours through the streets of London. It was a habit he used to do alone, but during his detox and recovery, Molly had joined him.

Over the course of a few weeks he had shown her all the cases he could remember, those details he hadn’t deleted or outsourced to John’s blog to keep an historical record of.

As he walked tonight, he wasn’t recounting cases, he wasn’t even focusing on the case at hand – the disappearance of Melanie Williamson. All his attention, all his mental energy was spent unpacking the curious behaviour of his pathologist.

It was obvious that Eurus’ little game, her emotional vivisection, was not without its cost. He could see that now, so clearly. Molly had withdrawn from him, and rightly so. But, if he was honest, he had allowed her to.

It would only take one visit to her flat with chips, one phonecall to chat through his thinking in a case, one day like the day they’d spent solving crimes together after his return from the dead and she would see what he already knew, that nothing needed to change, they could return to how things were before Eurus came and fucked everything up between them.

And that was the answer – a case – and one staring him in the face!

Two birds, one stone.

---

It was 5am when Molly awoke to a not unfamiliar sight of Sherlock Holmes stood over her bed.

“What is it?” she said, voice horse, eyes bleary.

“I need help with a case.”

Molly reached for her dressing gown, pulling it tightly around her as she sat up.

“Is there a body?” she asked.

“No.”

“Well, is there some test you need?”

“No.”

“Then what do you need?”

“You-“ a beat, the couplet had passed between them on a night completely different from this one.

Sensing the charged atmosphere in the air, Sherlock continued.

“Four weeks ago, Melanie and James Williamson attended a couples retreat in North Norfolk. Melanie left the retreat early and hasn’t been seen from since.”

“So what do you need?”

“I need you to go undercover with me at the retreat.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No – I’m sure you’ve heard the word before Sherlock.” Molly paced to the kitchen, putting on the kettle.

“I’m familiar with it, but I don’t understand,” he said as he followed her.

“I can’t drop everything and go chasing after white rabbits with you whenever you feel like it.”

Sherlock didn’t understand the reference.

“Alice in Wonderland, look it up sometime.”

Sherlock persisted in his questioning “Why not?”

“I’m not John. I’m not your partner. I’m your-“ Molly paused, stuck for words. “I don’t even know what I am Sherlock. But whatever it is it doesn’t entail being at your beck and call 24/7. I have my own life.”

She didn’t say it but he knew. Glasgow loomed unspoken between them.

He wanted her to stay in London, wanted to tell her how important she was to him, how he couldn’t do his job without her help. He wanted to say he was sorry that things got so fucked up by his sister. He wanted to commit to making things go back to just like they were before the phone call.

He was going to say it all, but the sound of a text alert from Greg sliced through the silence between them.

Sherlock read it, then showed Molly the screen.

James Williamson didn’t show up to work yesterday.

“Two people, Molly. I can’t go in there on my own.”

Everything he could see in Molly, the clench of her jaw, the intake of air sharply through her nose, the fingers balled into fists at her side told him she was about to say no.

Which was why Sherlock was so surprised when she agreed.

“Yes. I’ll go with you.” She said, “but I have some rules first.”

#sherlolly #sherlolly fic #missmollybloom writes sometimes

[like-a-bag-of-potatoes]

Chapter One - Hello Chicago

A/N: So this is my first crack at Chicago fire fanfiction, so don't judge too hard, alright? This will unfold from the beginning of season three, so if you haven't watched it yet, but plan to; SPOILER ALERT! I tried to follow along with the storyline of the show, but some things have been changed. Shout out to my superawesome beta @thorne93​, you rock! 

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Beth (OFC) 

Warnings: None. 

Wordcount: 2975

Three weeks ago: 

It was a beautiful summer day in Chicago, the sun was high in the sky while a warm breeze fanned the air, providing some much needed relief from the scorching sun. Beth had just moved into a cozy little apartment on West Wolcott, a seemingly friendly neighbourhood that she hadn't really had the time to explore yet. One thing she had noticed though, was the little bar on the corner, Molly’s. It reminded her of the last place she worked at back in New York before she picked up her life and headed for the windy city. On this particular day, she saw a ‘help wanted’ sign on the bulletin board outside, and without thinking twice, she climbed the three steps and walked inside. A little bell above the intricate mahogany door chimed, and before it even closed behind her, three confused faces looked up at her from a table near the bar. 

“Sorry, we’re closed,” the woman in the group said, offering Beth a friendly smile as she did. 

“Oh…” Beth started, looking between the three of them. The woman was a beautiful latina, around Beth's age, with a kind smile. One of the men, the older one of them, looked like he was in his mid forties maybe, and the other one was around Beth's age, maybe a couple years younger. He had big brown puppy dog eyes and a thick mustache.  “I just saw the help wanted sign outside, and figured I'd see if you had an application I could fill out,” she explained. “But I can come back later,” she suggested when there was no answer. It felt as though she had walked into something here. She didn't know them, but it seemed as if there was a sadness behind their smiles. 

“Nonsense,” the older man exclaimed, getting to his feet. “Come sit down.” 

Beth put down her groceries at the door and went to join them. 

“I'm Christopher Herrmann,” he introduced, shaking Beth's hand. “That's Gabriella Dawson-” Beth shook her hand too. “And this here is Otis,” he said, patting the guy's shoulder. 

“Brian,” the younger man corrected. 

“Nice to meet you all. I'm Beth Andrews.” 

“So you’re looking for a job?” Gabriella wondered. 

“Yeah. I just moved in down the street last week, and I saw the sign upfront today,” she explained. 

“You have any experience, kid?” Herrmann asked in a very prominent Chicago accent. 

“I do. Spent the last ten years working as a bartender in New York. Two different nightclubs for about five years and then nearly five year's at a neighbourhood bar like this,” she explained. “Then I moved here. I have references,” she added.

“Any other work experience?” he wondered. 

“Yeah. I was a paramedic with the New York Firedepartment for eight years. We were on 24 hours and off for 48, so it was easy enough to combine with other jobs.” 

The three of them shared an amused look and Beth wondered if she had said something wrong. 

“We all work for the CFD at house 51 here in town. Gabby is a paramedic, Herrmann and I are on truck,” Otis explained, and Beth chuckled at the coincidence.

“Paramedic for now,” Gabby corrected. “I've graduated from the academy, and hope to start fighting fires soon.” 

“Really? Congrats,” Beth offered. 

“Thank you,” Gabby said with a wide smile. “Are you looking to be a paramedic here in Chicago too, or?” 

“Not really, no. I got injured on the job and the more time passed, the harder it was to get back to it. I made a real effort about three months ago, but the job had changed for me,” Beth tried to explain, hoping that a fellow paramedic would understand. 

“Alright,” Herrmann dragged. “So why Chicago?” 

“Heard you guys were hiring. Couldn't let that opportunity slip through my fingers,” Beth joked with a coy smile, looking between the three of them. 

Gabby looked at the other two and nodded before looking back at Beth. “Welcome to Molly’s.” 

“Really?” Beth exclaimed. 

“Yep,” Herrmann confirmed. “Be here at five and we’ll get you settled in.” 

***

And that was how Beth landed her job at Molly’s. A job that she absolutely loved. Never had she imagined that a simple bartender job would come with such a wide network of people and friends, but Molly’s had that family vibe to it. It was a place where firefighters, police officers, and doctors came to hang their hat and try to find a good end to an otherwise shitty day at work, or a place to celebrate the good days. She found many acquaintances during her first three weeks, but also some good friends… like Gabby. 

After Beth had Gabriella and her fiancee - who was a lieutenant at firehouse 51 - Matt Casey over for dinner, Gabby had convinced her to come to the house and cook for them all, which she gladly did. One thing she had learned through her year's working at NYFD was that the fastest way to a firefighter’s heart was through their stomachs. 

Firehouse 51 was still mourning the loss of one of their paramedics, Leslie Shay, who had died on the job just a few weeks before Beth rolled into town. Her death still cast a shadow over the place, but they were all trying to get back to normal. A normal that would be hard to find before the lieutenant of Squad 3 came back from his furlough. Kelly Severide had been Shay’s best friend, and the one that took her death the hardest. No one had seen or heard from him since Shay’s funeral, and they were all starting to wonder if he would ever return to the station at all. 

Beth hoped that a good meal would help cheer them up a bit, even if it was just for a little while. 

“This smells amazing, Beth,” Cruz complimented as he hovered over her in the kitchen. “Where did you learn to cook?” 

“Yeah… Tell them the story,” Gabby said with a chuckle, not looking up from the magazine she was flipping through. 

“Alright,” Beth dragged, very aware that all eyes were on her all of a sudden. “I was dating this guy back when I was nineteen. He was a really nice guy, but I didn't really see it lasting very long, so when Valentine’s rolled around I didn't want to splurge on a big fancy gift for him. So I got him a pen,” she started explaining. 

“You gave a guy a pen for valentines day?” Cruz asked with raised brows. 

“Yeah - well- he was studying journalism and I had it engraved.. It was a nice pen, kay? My point is I wasn't too invested in the relationship at this point.” 

“As evidenced by the pen,” Otis chimed in, earning himself a bitchface from Beth. 

“But it seemed as though he was in a different place then I was at that time, so he gave me a gift certificate for cooking classes, worth about 500 dollars.” 

A round of ‘aww’s’ went around the room followed by Gabby’s “Wait for it.” 

“For about two seconds I felt really shitty about the 14 dollar pen I had gotten him, so I started telling him that I couldn't accept his gift. That it was too much.. Too generous. He shut me down and told me it was an investment in our future and that - and I quote - he saw real potential in me, but if we were to start a family, he needed to know that I would be able to cook for them.” 

Now there was a mixture of ‘eww’s’ and ‘oh, noes,’ going through the room. 

“So I took the gift certificate and left. Then I spent 6 weeks learning to cook all these delicious meals that he will never get to taste,” she concluded. 

“Good for you, Beth,” Sylvie complimented. She was the newest member of the firehouse, filling Shay’s position after she died. Sylvie was a small town girl that had this sort of careful nature to her. She was very sweet though. Beth liked her a lot. 

“I don't get it,” Cruz said with a puzzled look on his face. “He was planning a future with you, isn't that nice?” Coming from anyone else, this comment would probably piss Beth off, but she knew him, and knew that he didn't really mean anything by it. 

“He wasn't planning a future with me, he was planning my future for me,” Beth explained. “Look… being a stay at home mom is tough work, and I admire the shit out of those who do it, but at that point I had my own aspirations and goals for my future. It was pretty clear to me that even though he knew all of this, he didn't care as long as he got the family he pictured in his mind.” 

“Oh… well… when you put it like that,” Cruz said, an apologetic look on his face. 

“It's alright,” Beth assured before she announced to everyone that dinner was ready, and for all of them to dig in. 

***

Dinner had been a huge success and she left the house with an open invitation to come back whenever to cook for them, which was their way of telling her that she had been accepted into their little family. 

Now she was back behind the bar at Molly’s, which was easily her favorite place in the world right now. Lieutenant Casey had finally been able to track down and convince Lieutenant Severide to come back to Chicago, and they had all decided to throw him a little welcome home party at Molly’s.

Gabby had already been in Beth’s ear about Kelly Severide, warning her that he was a bit of a ladies man, but Beth assured her that she wasn't interested. She was excited to meet him though, besides being a ladies man, Beth had heard a lot of great things about him. 

There was a good crowd already at the bar when Kelly finally showed up. The first thing that Beth noticed was that the pictures of him at the station didn't really do him justice. However, it wasn't the ocean blue eyes, or the plump lips, or even the broad shoulders. It was the way he carried himself. Standing tall and confident in his shoes as he was welcomed into the bar with cheers and pats on the back. There were few things more attractive in a man than confidence, Beth thought to herself, but there was a really fine line between confidence and arrogance, and from where she was standing it looked as though he was on the right side of that line. There was something else that she noticed about him, something that saddened her in some inexplicable way. As soon as the charming smile fell from his lips, his expression hardened. Not in an angry or mean looking way, but more… stoic. Like a man carrying around a pain inside of him that he didn't want anyone to see. Like he was trying to hide his vulnerability by appearing unapproachable.

Beth knew that underneath all that, there was a good man. Of course she hadn't met the man yet, but she knew that from the way people spoke about him. 

He didn't take a seat at the bar, instead he wedged himself in between two stools and leaned against the counter.   

“This is Beth, Molly’s new bartender,” Gabby said and Beth reached over the bar to shake his hand. 

“Kelly,” he said, his piercing blue eyes tracking her features. “Nice to meet you.” The hardness of his face melted away as he smiled politely at her, revealing a little gap between his front teeth. It was as though she caught a little glimpse of who he was behind the hard exterior. It was just a flash, a fraction of a second, and then it was gone again.   

“You too,” she offered. “What can I get you?” 

“Whiskey,” he said simply before he got roped into a conversation with Chief Boden and Casey. 

Beth did her best not to stare at the man, but throughout the night she caught herself looking for him, letting her eyes linger whenever they found him while her mind wondered who this man was underneath. Already then she knew she was in trouble 

“I knew it,” Gabby said suddenly into her ear. Beth hadn't even seen her approaching. 

“What?” she asked, pretending she had no clue what Gabby was on about. “I'm allowed to look,” she defended when her friend sent her a knowing look. 

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want to do,” Gabby said with a coy smile. “Just know what you’re getting yourself into.” 

“I'm not gonna get myself into anything,” Beth assured.

“Mhm… Anyway, Matt and I are going to head home. You okay to lock up?” Gabby asked. 

The bar was mostly empty now. Just Severide, Cruz, and Otis remained. “Absolutely,” Beth assured. She said goodnight to her friend and then made her way over to the three men. “Last call, boys. What can I get you?” 

The level of inebriation around the table was pretty darn high, but considering this was last call and they would be out soon, Beth didn't worry about it too much. As per their request, she grabbed them each a beer and then made her way back behind the bar to start getting ready to close up. 

“Hey, Beth,” Kelly suddenly called out, making her spin around. “Come have a drink with us,” he lightly demanded. 

She mulled it over for a second before she poured herself a glass of ice water and went to join them. 

“What's this?” Kelly asked, pointing to her glass with furrowed brows. 

“Water,” she stated simply. 

“You don't drink?” he asked, looking into her blue eyes. 

“Not at work.” Holy shit was he gorgeous, she thought to herself as she pried her eyes off of the freckles that peppered his nose. She hadn't noticed them earlier, but now that she was so close to him, she could clearly see them. She could still feel his eyes on her when she looked away, but she did her best to ignore the warm feeling that settled in her body under his gaze. 

“How are you liking Chicago so far?” Cruz asked. 

“It's good,” she said with a bob of her head. “Your pizza sucks though,” she added as an afterthought. 

“Oh come on,” Otis exclaimed. “Chicago style beats New York style every day of the week,” he argued, getting support from the other two. 

“Uhm.. no. Deep dish pizza tastes like tomato sauce and dough, and nothing more. New York style has the perfect toppings to cheese ratio on a crunchy crust. It's perfection.” 

“You’re wrong,” Cruz chimed in. “The thin crust does not support enough toppings. It's structurally unsound.” He gestured as he spoke, as if he was caught in a heated debate about the state of the world or something. 

That spiraled into a half an hour long argument about pizza and toppings, ending only when Beth said that she would prove them all wrong by coming into the fire house and cooking them some real pizza. This was met with much enthusiasm. 

“Alright, boys. Time to get out so I can close up,” she announced after checking the time. 

“You throwing me out of my own bar?” Otis asked as they all got to their feet. 

“Damn straight,” she said with a smile, trying to ignore the looks she got from the very handsome lieutenant.

“This because of the pizza thing?” 

“Absolutely,” she confirmed with a playful smile. 

“Never argue with the bartender,” Kelly noted. 

“Exactly,” Beth agreed. “Now get out so I can get home,” she ordered. 

The three men were still outside waiting for a cab when Beth locked the door behind her. From what she could tell, Kelly was trying to rope the other two into continuing the evening somewhere else, without much luck it seemed like. She felt for him, she really did. Being alone with your thoughts after losing a loved one was hard, she remembered all too vividly what that was like. 

“What about you?” he said, looking at Beth. “Wanna come have some drinks with me?” 

“Not even a little bit,” she said. It was a lie. She would very much like to go with him, but she knew how that would end, and tempting as it was, it wasn't really an option. “I'm gonna go home and slip into a light coma.” It seemed as though her answer surprised him, and she got the impression that he wasn't really used to getting turned down. 

“Can I walk you home then? Can be scary out here at this time of night,” he tried. 

“My apartment is right there-” she pointed a few houses down - “I'm sure I'll make it home before your cab gets here, so you guys can just keep an eye on me from here.” 

Cruz and Otis kept their eyes to the ground, trying to not get roped into this awkward interaction. They mumbled a goodnight as Beth left them, trying to hide their smiles from the lieutenant. 

“What just happened?” Kelly asked with a confused expression on his face. 

“You just got shut down, bro,” Cruz explained. 

“Twice,” Otis added, making the two of them laugh. 

Kelly watched as Beth made her way to her building, and just as the cab pulled up, she unlocked her door. He raised his hand and gave her a small wave before he got into the backseat of the car. For a while, he had the image of her bright smile, and big eyes in his mind, but soon enough she was replaced by Shay, and grief overtook him once again. 

If you want a tag, just shoot me an ASK and we’ll make that happen. 

If you like what you read, press that little reblog button, maybe leave me a little comment. Feedback is a great source of inspiration for me. 

#Kelly Severide #kelly severide fanfiction #kelly severide fanfic #Chicago Fire #chicago fire fanfiction #chicago fire fanfic #kelly severide x reader #PF

[awesomerextyphoon]

Charred Briar Roses - 7

Recourse

Summary: You finally see Karim and an old friend.

Paring: Orc!Bucky x Black!Reader, Orc!Steve x Black!OFC, Orc!Sam x Black!OFC 

Word Count: 1596

Rating: 18+

Warning: Not much for this chapter

Back to Masterlist

“Karim! What happened?! How are you-”

“Easy there, cousin. Drink this,” he handed you a water bottle, “You’ve been out for three days. Take it slow.”

Three days?! FUCK! How did-

“How did you save us? You never studied magic when were kids,” you remembered a more poignant point, “How are you still alive?!”

Karim sighed deeply and his eyes were downcast, “After Sophronius’ failed coup and resulting battle, he asked the demon lord for ‘more fire power’,” he unbuckled his armor and rolled up his right sleeve revealing a shadow demon seal,”and the demon lord delivered. I was his first successful guinea pig. The sealing was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. He and mother fought for weeks until she finally tried to escape with Amani. They were caught and,” Karim lips quivered as he tried to hold back his tears,”he sacrificed my mother and bound Amani to an enslaved succubus.” He gasped out the last part and the dam burst.

You pulled him in for a hug as he sobbed for a couple minutes. Even though you didn’t have the best relationship with Amani (she was resentful of the attention you and your sisters got and in turn you ignored her), both she and Aunt Photine did not deserve their fates.

You wanted offer Karim some comfort, so you continued to hold him while aired out his emotions.

Once Karim calmed down, he returned to his tale, “I still don’t know where he took Amani, but I still remember her cries. The next day the shadow demon took over and it was like I was in this abyss like place, my only window to the outside world was through the demon’s eyes. I’m still haunted by the screams of the innocent while I went along with that abomination’s plans of conquest.”

“How did you escape?”

Right then, another figure came into the clearing. She was a dark elf! Her long silvery platinum blonde hair was in a french braid with delicate bangs on either side of her face, framing her spring green eyes beautifully. Her skin was a lovely shade of midnight purple which contrasted nicely with her powder blue and light sand outfit.

Karim turned to the approaching elf and pulled her in for a comforting hug and a kiss, “I was saved by Dáiríne, my mate.”

Neat.

“It is pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’ve heard so much about you and your sisters. I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

“Dáiríne was a spy for the remaining Fae and the Resistance. She was able to stop me from killing her and freed me from the shadow demon’s and my sperm donor’s influence. We’ve been assisting the Resistance from afar ever since.”

Well, it great to see someone in your family have some happiness. There was still one thing bothering you, “What happened to the Fae?”

Before Karim or Dáiríne could answer, the moon hit the willow tree just right and it began to glow in a color similar to the Nephrashim Crystal. The reeds pulled themselves apart and 10ft mirror appeared at its base while a stone path rose from the water.

Karim motioned you to walk towards the willow tree and when you got close enough to see your reflection, a figure appeared in the mirror.

It was Aoife! Or rather, what remained of her. Aoife’s once lustrous strawberry blonde hair was now a dull yellow almost gray. Her youthful face was haggard and her vivacious body was now a corpse, barely holding itself together.  

Tears welled up in your eyes, “Aoife, what happened?”

“My sweet summer child, I had almost lost hope oof see you again. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to greet upon your matches breaking the spell. As you can see, I’m stuck in an enchanted mirror.” Aoife laughed bitterly and sighed,”To answer question, I’ll have to go back to your 18th birthday.

When you and your sisters fell, Sophronius took that moment and killed your father. He would’ve killed your mother if was not for a stable boy who was in the right (or wrong) place at the time. Your mother used the commotion to escape and gather a surprisingly large force to fight Sophronius. It took three days and the loss of three of my sisters, but we were able to drive that demon asswipe away from the Crystal and you.

We were able to form the Resistance with your mother at the head and we had some successes...but it did not last. Within 150yrs, Sophronius either killed or captured all of the Fae. I was the last free Fae left when Doireann was killed at the Battle of Skull Ridge.”

“What about the Titania?”

“She was the first one to be captured as a means to let everyone else escape. Although, considering how this started, we might’ve deserved our fates.” Aoife lamented.

You shot her a puzzled look.

She gave you morose smile, “About 5,000yrs ago, the Nephrashim Empire was just a small kingdom. It pretty well for itself, but it was always attacked by raiders and natural disasters. One day the Crystal fell from the sky a few hundred meters from the kingdom’s walls. The current king had it brought to the central square and the entire kingdom was bathed in its glow. Soon the people of Nephrashim was able to create marvels of science and technology the world has never seen.

Everyone in the kingdom was enjoying unbridled peace and prosperity. All was well...until a king, Bashar, five generations down took the throne. He wanted to share the kingdom’s knowledge and wealth with the world. At first, we were glad. We’ve been saying that it was rude for Nephrashim to hoard all of their progress to themselves and the kingdom was only place the Fae were truly welcomed.

But his mind turned to conquest.

We remained loyal to Nephrashim royal line despite the atrocities.”

You balled your fists in anger, “Why didn’t you or the rest of the Fae do anything!”

Aoife bowed her head in shame, “Most of us didn’t feel the need to do anything since we weren’t the ones doing it and it didn’t affect us.”

Why is almost everyone in your pre-cursed life either psychos or cowards?

Fuck.

“How I do stop Sophronius?”

“The Nephrashim Crystal. It is the heart of the empire and the key to Sophronius’ plans. In the throne room, there’s a key that opens a staircase that leads to the underground chamber where the Crystal is being held. You will need your sisters as you are the last ones of the direct royal line since Sophronius lost the duel for the throne.

I am truly sorry that you and your sisters must bear the burden of our apathy, but you are the only ones who can stop Sophronius.

I know that this is hard, but know that you are not alone in this fight. Trust your loved ones.”

“Why does this feel like you’re leaving us?”

“Because I am. I only had enough power left to give you this message. I am sorry my little chipmunk,” and with that the glow enveloping the willow tree faded and the mirror vanished.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

You fell to your knees and sobbed until Karim scooped you up and carried you back to shore. Dáiríne got you something to eat and got you up to speed on the Resistance, “Your sisters have been captured by Sophronius and the Resistance is mourning the loss of Olanma and Chetachi. If this keeps up it won’t be long before Sophomore wins.”

“Thanks for the boost. You have any good news?”

“I have something you’ll like,” Dáiríne smiled, “But first, what are you going to do?”

“I have to get my sisters and destroy the Nephrashim Crystal. It’s the only thing I can do now.”

Dáiríne stood up and led you away from the kitchen, “Well, you’re going to need some help. Now, before you ask, Karim and I have already contacted the remaining members. They’re not happy about what happened with you, but they’re working on a plan. Let’s see here,” she stops in front of set of metal doors, “Go on, Y/N.”

You cautiously opened the doors to find Bucky on a bed, his left arm replaced with a metal one made of vibranium and mithril weaved with both magic and biomedical engineering in the Nephrashim fashion.

It suited him, and it somehow made him sexier.

“I’ve been trying to wake him for hours, but I think you might fare better,” Dáiríne whispered as closed in on Bucky and gave him a kiss.

He was unresponsive for a moment before he grunted and smirked against her lips,”I guess the tables have turned. Huh, sweetheart?”

––––––––

You and Bucky stayed with Karim and Dáiríne for a few days while Bucky got used to his new arm when the Weeping Willow was engulfed in flames.

“Shit! The Horde! Dáiríne, take Bucky and Y/N to the rendezvous! I’ll hold them off!” Karim barked as he activated his demon seal release.

“No! We can’t leave you here!” you yelled back.

“Quickly you two!,” Dáiríne ordered as she dragged you to the workshop and locked the doors. She got the portal ready right as the Horde group leader, one of the demon lord’s sons, started to break through.

“Get in!” Dáiríne shouted as the Horde leader started firing at them.

“But-”

Dáiríne gave you a heartbroken smile, “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she pushed you into the portal.

Taglist: @giorno-plays-piano​ @lookiamtrying​ @retroxvailles​ @hurricanerin​ @saiyanprincessswanie​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​ @pseudonymphet​ @rosalynshields​ @imdarkinme​ @macheregrace​ @anyatheladyclown​ @buckysbunny​ @marvelfansworld​ @mcudarklibrary​ @moonstruckbucky​

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky x black!reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #mcu imagine #mcu fanfiction #dark!mcu #sleeping beauty #fairy tales #dark fairytale #mcu #charred briar roses

[stay-spazzy]

Broken Promises

Who?: Lee Know/Minho x Reader One shot

What?: Angst, romance, fluff if you squint? 

THIS SECOND PART WAS INSPIRED BY THE SONG : “For The First Time” By The Script

*Kind of a part 2/ follow up fic to “Two Lines” so go read that if you haven’t already! I meant to post this quickly after uploading the first one, but I suddenly didn’t feel like it was good enough or that I was missing things, but after going back and reading it I figured it’s not that bad so here I am uploading it. Sorry if it’s not the best. I totally didn’t write Two Lines with the intention of making another part to it, it just happened when I got too deep in my feels.* 

It’s been weeks.

 The pain you feel is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. People don’t fully understand it. At least, those who have never experienced loss like you and Minho have. Both of your families and friends knew about your pregnancy. You and Minho were too over the moon to keep it a secret. Suppose that was your fault.

 Needing to break the news to people…you couldn’t do it. Minho thankfully stepped up to the plate to tell everyone. Perhaps that was also your fault. The responses from people were a mix. Some were heartbroken. No, everyone was sad. However, some people couldn’t offer more than a “well at least it was early” and “it was barely a baby.” But they were wrong. That baby was your life. You only had them for a short while, but in that time, you had fallen in love with that small heartbeat inside of you. They didn’t understand. Anytime those words left someone’s mouth, you wanted to scream and cry and beat their face in. But all you had the strength to do was offer a nod. 

 Minho felt more broken than he had in his entire life. But he couldn’t give in to the grief. At least not yet; you needed him. You needed someone strong by your side to keep you afloat. To wipe your tears, to wake you up from your nightmares, to hold you close when all you could do was scream and cry. He felt lost. What is he supposed to do now? There’s no pamphlet to tell him how he’s supposed to be a good boyfriend when all he wants to do is succumb to that darkness in the back of his mind. No pamphlet to tell him how to continue being an idol and acting as if nothing happened while onstage. 

Stay didn’t know. The company hadn’t been told just yet, save a few managers. The members, they knew. Minho hated that they knew. Not because he didn’t love them, but because every time he walked into the room he could see the sadness in their eyes. Jeongin and Jisung couldn’t even hold back tears whenever they laid eyes on him. It made him hurt more. It was a constant reminder of what he lost. What they lost. 

 It’s been months now.

 “Minho, are you even going to come home tonight?” You asked through the phone. You heard him sigh in annoyance. “I don’t know, Y/N. I have work to do. I don’t know how long it’ll take me.” Your boyfriend’s once warm voice now felt like ice against your skin.

 “I haven’t seen you in a few days. Are you eating? Are you sleeping? Where are you sleeping if not at home with me?” you asked, concerned for his well being. “I’m sure you already know the answers to that, why are you even asking me?” he snapped. You were taken aback. He had never talked to you like this before. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You snapped back, emotion getting the better of you. You ran your hand through your hair in frustration. This was not the same Minho you fell for four and a half years ago. Your relationship has grown rocky since the miscarriage. It was fine for the first month or so; Strong, even. But slowly, you started to grow colder towards each other. You couldn’t pinpoint when it started going bad. It just crept in without you noticing until it got to the point where you’d barely talk to each other, let alone look at each other. This is saying a lot since you lived together.

“Don’t act like you don’t text Chan and Jisung, asking about me.” 

You let out a deep sigh. “I wouldn’t have to if you just answered your fucking texts, Lee Minho. I’m your girlfriend; I think I’m more than entitled to check up on your wellbeing.” You heard him let out a scoff, “Well don’t.” The line went dead, indicating he had just hung up on you.

 You brought your legs to your chest and hugged them. “Do you even love me anymore?”  

You heard the door being unlocked. You looked at the time. It was only 3pm on a Friday. Usually Minho would take advantage of any time off and practice at the company. Sitting still on your place on the couch you looked in his direction, hearing him now taking off his shoes to make his way down the short entryway hall.

 Minho had his backpack slung around one shoulder, hands carrying in a bundle. He made eye contact with you as he came in then made his way to the kitchen island. You were both quiet for a moment.

 “The boys wanted to come by to visit you. I told them I’d ask you first” Minho spoke up, his voice not as icy as the day before but not quite as warm as you were used to. He opened up the bundle he had placed on the kitchen island counter and pulled out food containers. You thought about it as he turned his back to you, placing said containers inside the nearly empty fridge. “That’s fine. When were they thinking?” 

After he closed the fridge, Minho walked over to the couch to plop his backpack down before returning to his bundle, fiddling with something inside. “Today, but I told them most likely tomorrow.”

 “I don’t have food for them, but if they want to grab some beforehand, I don’t mind them coming over tonight.” Minho looked up at you. “I’ll leave it up to you though” you continued, suddenly nervous. For a brief moment you saw the old Minho in his eyes. It was gone just as quick as it came. “That’s fine. The food I just put in is for you, by the way.”

 “Did your mom send them?” You had recognized the containers, Minho’s mom having brought you both food plenty of times over the years. He nodded. “She threatened to hurt me if I didn’t make sure you were eating.”

 For the first time in what felt like forever, you and Minho shared a smile. 

 You woke up to arms being wrapped around you, someone whispering in your ear. You panicked for a moment, not knowing who it was. But the sweet soft voice continued to whisper and you recognized that it was Minho.

 You turned your head towards his side of the bed, surprised to see him looking back at you, full of concern and pain. It was then that you realized what state you were in, finally coming out of your sleepy haze. You were drenched in sweat, tears pouring from your eyes and down to your neck. Your blanket was tangled around your legs, probably from flailing. You were breathing heavily, trying to catch your breath.

 “Y/N, are you with me?” Minho whispered again, this time a little louder than before. You furrowed your brow in confusion, looking up at him once again. “What do you mean?” Minho’s eyes softened a bit. “You were having a night terror. I tried to wake you up but you didn’t seem to recognize me or hear anything I was saying. You were looking right through me.” You felt his arms tighten around you for a moment before he brought a hand up to your forehead to push back your hair.

 “You were crying so much” he mumbled quietly, seemingly to himself. 

Your emotions caught up to you again. Flashes of your nightmare replaying in your head, making you whimper. 

“Minho…I can’t…” You struggled to get your words out through your crying. 

“Can’t what?” he pulled away from you to look you properly in the eye. You could see the coldness slipping back into his eyes once more and it broke you.

 “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep acting like you’re not pulling away from me!” You yelled; finally ready to release some weight off your shoulders. “I can’t handle you being so cold to me, Minho!”

 He narrowed his eyes at you. “YOU can’t handle it? What about me?”

 “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the miscarriage, Y/N! What about me? You got to grieve! I didn’t. I had to support you through your grieving while completely putting off mine! You left me alone to tell everyone that we lost our child. Then I had to turn around and get back onstage and smile like nothing happened. BUT IT DID HAPPEN! You couldn’t be for me what I was to you!” Minho yelled back, getting off the bed in his anger.

 “I never told you that you couldn’t grieve! We should be grieving together, but you don’t let me be there for you! All of the times I heard you break down crying behind closed doors, I wanted to wrap you in my arms the way you did for me. But you hid from me. Now you’re completely shutting me out!” You were breathing heavily, hands curled into fists by your side.

 “You lied to me, Minho. You told me that day at the doctor’s office that you were here for me. That I wasn’t doing this alone. Yet here we are, grieving alone.”

 You both went silent, soaking in each other’s words.

 Minho slowly sat back down on the bed. “I felt alone, Y/N. I felt like I had to be your strength, that I couldn’t be broken. I felt like if I did, I’d be letting you down.” 

You scooted closer to him, cupping his face with your hands. “I’m sorry that I let you do all of those things by yourself, we should have done them together. I’m sorry you felt like you weren’t allowed to grieve. I’m so sorry I lost the baby, Minho. I do need you, but I don’t need you to be perfect. I need you to be you.” 

Minho closed his eyes, letting tears spill out.

 Opening them, he looked at you and smiled bitterly. “I guess we both messed up. It’s not your fault, Y/N. I’ve never blamed you for that. I just-“ He let out a deep sigh, “I’m so sorry. I’ve been treating you like shit for months because of my own anger. I still love you so much. I want to keep my promise to you. No more doing this alone. We mourn together.”

#Stray Kids #SKZ #Stray Kids fanfic #stray kids oneshot #stray kids fic #lee know #lee know fic #lee know fanfic #lee know oneshot #minho #lee minho #skz minho #stray kids drabble #stray kids angst #broken promises #two lines

[ephemeral-afterlight]

Day 29: Numb

(Don’t lose yourself.)

Whumptober 2019 Day 29: Numb

Word Count: 4980

Relationships: DLAMP (romantic), Creativitwins (NOT remrom), Intrulogical (platonic)

Warnings: Rape aftermath/memories of noncon/talk of phantom sensations/memories from the event, panic attacks/hyperventilation/crying/emotional breakdowns, remus-typical vulgar/disturbing language (mild), mention of animal mating habits, vomiting (non-graphic/not described in detail), self-deprecation, cursing

A/N: Y'ALL I'm YELLING?? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE SHORT AND IT TURNED INTO 5K AAAAAAAA;;;;;;;;; OKAY so someone mentioned wanting to know what happened after logan woke up after the events of day 21: laced drink. and. this happened!! i hope y'all enjoy this not-as-little-as-i-expected sequel in 5+1 style! it's fluffier than i thought it'd be :3c

1

It’s a lot to come to terms with when Logan wakes up.

He’s never been one for sentiment, never really has had romanticized dreams or wants relating to that type of thing. Sex and romance have never been a very prominent part of his personality, never been something he thinks about very often. Between his studies and college, he has much more important things to worry about than who copulates with whom. 

But for some reason, when he finally opens his eyes and rises from his slumber, Logan bursts into tears.

He doesn’t know why. He can barely remember what happened last night, can barely remember anything outside of a vague sense of pain. There are shadows on his skin, phantom whispers of fingers pulling his thighs apart, and it feels so real that Logan gags in fear. It doesn’t help that he’s also nauseous from the drug and the alcohol he consumed last night, so his shooting up from the covers and running into the en suite bathroom to empty the meager contents of his stomach into the toilet isn’t really much of a surprise.

Logan wants to stop crying. He doesn’t want to be breaking down like this, tears dripping hot from his face onto his comforter. He just wants to go back to sleep and wake up and have everything be fine, but of course he can’t even have that. This is all pathetic anyway, because there’s no reason for him to be so upset. He doesn’t really care about sex or relationships, has never dreamt of romance, so… so why is he crying quietly into his blanket as if he’s mourning the loss of something important?

His “first time” shouldn’t mean anything to him. It doesn’t matter that it was with a stranger, because he doesn’t care about sex, and he doesn’t have anyone to share his first time with anyway. There’s no logical reason to be crying, no rationale that would make this acceptable in any way. He’s here curled up in the fetal position, pathetically shedding tears into his pillow, and he’s in this much pain over a night he doesn’t even really remember. What an idiot.

“Hey, Pocket Protector, you up? I tho--” Roman’s voice comes from the door, bursts through Logan’s bubble of misery with the typical full tone echoing in his bedroom. He cuts himself off when he sees Logan shaking, clutching his pillow so tightly his knuckles are white. Little sobs spill out from behind the dark blue fabric, trickle out into the air like music notes and melodies carried by the wind, and Roman’s heart drops into his stomach. “Oh, shit.”

Roman immediately rushes over to launch himself onto the bed, placing himself strategically so that he ends up sliding into place right beside Logan’s head. Said Logan peeks up at Roman with a mixture of sadness, regret, and fear shining in his wet eyes, and the way he shrinks into himself breaks Roman’s heart. He lifts his hand up to run his hand through Logan’s hair, frowns even more when Logan nuzzles into the affectionate gesture desperately. “Logan, amorcito, what’s wrong?”

The term of endearment is more comforting to Logan that he expects, and given Roman’s low speech and gentle handling, it’s no wonder Logan feels a warmth blossoming in his chest. He doesn’t know what it means, doesn’t know how to pinpoint it, but he does know that when he looks at Roman, he sees a light from within. It shines so brightly, like rays of sunlight spilling over his face, and Logan finds himself craving more of it.

“I feel-- think there’s something wrong with me,” Logan whispers, shame building uncertainly in his throat, and Roman’s brows pull together. His concern is like a balm, eases the burn of the man’s fingers on Logan’s skin, and it’s almost addictive. His boisterous roommate doesn’t hesitate to pull Logan into his arms, doesn’t notice the way he flinches at the touch. He isn’t scared of Roman, of course he isn’t, but he’s of remarkably similar stature to his assailant.

“You are perfect just the way you are, dearheart. I… I love you. A lot. And I’m not saying that you have to return it, or that you even have to say anything, I just… you are loved. I care about you so much, and I vow to do my best to protect you from the dangers of the world,” Roman rambles, a dramatic speech to punctuate Logan’s sniffles. He doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to get up out of his bed. But reaching up to give Roman a soft, appreciative kiss on the cheek is easier than he’d ever expect.

-

2

Honestly, Logan should’ve expected it’d come eventually. Despite his breakdown the first day, the day after it happened, he hasn’t actually had another. Closing his heart in an icy cage feels like second nature, as if he’s flipped a switch to turn off his feelings so that he doesn’t have to confront them. He knows it’s unhealthy. He knows it’s not a proper coping mechanism, that it’ll only cause him problems. But he can’t do it, can’t face the pain and the residual fear and the debilitating anxiety whenever someone touches him without warning.

It wasn’t Patton’s fault that it changed so quickly, of course not, because he didn’t know. He couldn’t have known, because Logan still refuses to tell them what happened that night. Ethan, ever the gentleman, courteously left that part of the story out, said that what happened wasn’t his place to tell. Logan can’t even begin to describe how much he appreciates that, because he’s still coming to terms with the events of the night. He doesn’t need other people fretting over him before he’s ready for them to know, especially when he himself doesn’t really understand the turmoil in his mind either.

But that same silence has caused a lack of proper communication between the five of them, a gap in the knowledge of what to do and what not to do. Logan can’t exactly ask them to not touch him without letting him know first, without asking beforehand, because it’ll just bring up questions. Things asked that are too personal, queries he won’t know how to answer, information he doesn’t truly understand himself. So he just has to wait, and process, and hope that one day, he’ll stop feeling tears prick at his eyes when he hears yelling, that he’ll stay calm when someone brushes against his side by accident.

Of course it’s a hug that ruins his plans.

Patton means well, Logan knows that. He knows that it is meant to be a gesture of solidarity, the type of tactile affection his roommate gives so freely. It’s supposed to help, supposed to make him happy, supposed to be like a remedy to his unexplainably downtrodden mood that’s been going on nonstop for the past week. But as soon as Patton comes up from behind, loops his arms around Logan’s waist as he’s trying to make himself a sandwich, it’s all wrong. It feels too constricting, too much like a cage, a prison cell. Patton’s hands squeeze tightly around his midriff, hold and pressurize and pin him down, and they’re going to go lower and lower and slip between his legs and--

Logan doesn’t even get to apologize for shoving Patton into the refrigerator before tears are dripping down his cheeks and panicked hyperventilation cuts through the silence of the apartment’s kitchen.

And Patton looks much less hurt than he does confused, and worried, and almost as panicked as Logan is, and he calls for someone to help when trying to talk to him through his sobs doesn’t work. Remus is gone, and Virgil just stands at the doorway and twists his hoodie strings in his fingers nervously, but Roman is there, strong and ready to help. With both his and Patton’s help, soft hushed voices in the morning air to soothe and lull his sorrow away, Logan’s fear tapers off.

He feels bad. He tells them so, apologizes over and over to Patton for hurting him. He says he’s so sorry for pushing him off, for scaring him, and Patton just looks bewildered. “Lo-Lo, I was the one who scared you. There’s no need to apologize, that’s what I should be doing! It isn’t okay to sneak up on someone like that, it’s not your fault that you had an understandable reaction to it, honey. I’m sorry. I love you.”

And this time, just this time, Logan gets to initiate the hug, has much more control, and he feels like he can finally breathe again.

-

3

“Hey, Logan? You think walrus meat would be good in a stew?” Remus asks one day, spinning crazily in Logan’s desk chair as the owner of the chair himself quietly reads a book in his armchair. It’s a lazy day, dreary and gloomy as a storm rages outside, and Logan loves it. He adores having an excuse to hole up inside his room, to be with himself and his book and… well, Remus too, apparently.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t advise trying it, though. Regular beef is perfectly adequate and is much easier to obtain,” Logan replies monotonously, inflection lost when he’s too lost in his novel to care. Social interaction takes effort, too much to sound more normal to the ones he communicates with, and when he’s multitasking like this he can’t concentrate long enough to even bother to try. He doesn’t want to fake animation and liveliness, wants his care to be real. His friends deserve that.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. Hey, did’ja know that lions can fuck a hundred times a day? They have sex over and over and over and over and over and--” Remus says, but his nasally voice slowly bleeds away. It’s drowned out by the rushing of blood like white water rapids through Logan’s ears, lingering on facts that don’t even really have anything to do with him. It only happened once. It was weeks ago. He barely remembers it. But for some reason, even the mention send his thoughts into a frantic, dizzy spiral, and it’s all back. The pain, the fear, the touches that made him feel like nothing more than dirt on the ground.

Nausea coils in his stomach, and Logan throws up in his bedside trashcan because of his irrational fears a second time.

“Woah, shit, you okay? Did’ja eat somethin’ rotten? Somethin’ gross? Are you sick?” Remus asks, high and quick, and to his credit, he sounds more concerned that Logan expects even with his words. He hands Logan some toilet paper to wipe his mouth with even as he drones on about how long it takes for food to go bad, and although his method is unorthodox, Logan still is grateful that he’s trying. He flushes the toilet and stands on shaky knees, gratefully leans on Remus’ extended elbow until he’s able to sit on the edge of his bed. The silence between them extends for quite a while, a surprisingly long time for Remus to go without talking, but then he speaks up, much quieter than he was before.

“I do love y’a, y’know. Like another brother! You’re my friend, help me to not do too much stupid shit. You’re a party-pooper, but you’re probably the only one keepin’ me outta jail. So thanks!” And, well. Remus may be reckless, and vulgar, and completely irrational, but he’s a pretty good friend too.

-

4

What Logan wore to the bar that night was one of his favourite outfits.

“Was” being the operative word in the statement, because now, he can’t even stand to look at that pair of fishnets without tears blurring his vision and the air getting trapped in his chest. The cross-stitched pattern is a net, a vice made to capture him, and the giant gap where threads are frayed around the edges is a noose waiting to strangle him. Every time he looks at that pair of jeans it’s as if his heart has been waterboarded, drowning in regret and terror and hatred, and it’s suffocating.

So he got rid of it. Threw them out, never to be seen again. It’s not a permanent solution to his figuratively fractured heart, but it makes it just a little bit easier to breathe.

Virgil watched him that day, when he tossed the clothing into the garbage can outside their apartment, watched his contempted eyes scan the streets and alleys around him with a vigilance that’s all too familiar. He doesn’t know what’s going on with Logan, what caused him to have such a drastic shift in his personality, but he can make educated guesses. That day, he came back with a cut on his eyebrow and a raw, bleeding lip, so Virgil has the feeling that maybe he got attacked. It’s not unheard of for people far too drunk to safely interact with others to have short tempers, and if Logan exhibited his usual curt retorts, he may have pissed them off enough to beat him up.

Of course that’s only speculation, but something happened, and they all know it, but they just don’t know what. It’s driving Virgil crazy, and he knows it’s severely bugging Roman too. Even Patton is overcome with worry, but he managed to convince the two to let Logan come to them when he’s ready. Virgil knows that’s the right thing to do, that he’d want the same thing if it were him in Logan’s position, but it doesn’t mean he has to enjoy it.

And it’s times like now when Virgil wants desperately to break that rule, to interrogate Logan until the truth is finally out, but that’s awful and would only hurt Logan. He just doesn’t know what to do anymore, not with the way he comes downstairs in the middle of the night to retrieve a glass of water for his parched throat and instead finds Logan curled as small as possible in the corner. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and he’s managed to compact himself enough to fit between the end counter and a shelf. Tears come in rivers over his cheekbones, and his hands shake, and his breathing is choppy and shallow.

“Lo. Logan, listen to me, you need to breathe. You’re having a panic attack, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise. Just follow my breathing. count to five when you breathe in, hold it for five seconds, and then breathe out for five seconds. Nice and easy,” Virgil murmurs, quiet reassurances in the dead of night. Logan tries his best despite the mortification he feels at being caught, but then again, Virgil knows what panic attacks are like better than anyone. He wouldn’t judge him or laugh at him for this. He wouldn’t. Right? “There you go. You’re doing great. Just keep breathing.”

It takes a couple more minutes to come down from the anxious cloud Logan is suspended on, and once he does, he immediately is ashamed of himself. Virgil could have been sleeping this whole time (and he needs it) and yet he’s sitting here, helping Logan with his selfish dramatics. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make it up to him, so he just apologizes, sad and angry at himself. His upset causes Virgil to shake his head as he rubs comforting, soothing circles into the back of Logan’s hand with his thumb. “Don’t worry about it, dude. Panic attacks suck, I get it. I’d much rather you come to us for help instead of brave it alone, though.”

“Thank you,” Logan whispers hoarsely, eyes wide and wet and clear and Virgil just gives him a small smile. He raises his hand up slowly, asks him if it’s okay to touch, and it almost feels like his heart stutters in its pace. He’s touched, so incredibly touched, and he’s also almost endeared. Permission is granted easily, and Virgil tucks a lock of hair behind Logan’s ear, and then he pulls him into the lightest hug Logan’s ever experienced.

“No problem. I-- I… I love you, Logan. Sorry I haven’t said it before.”

The idea of hugs is seriously starting to grow on Logan.

-

5

Truth or dare really is a stupid game.

“Logan, truth or dare?” Roman asks, bouncing up and down from where he sits cross-legged on the floor. The six of them are all arranged in a circle, playing a game of Truth or Dare to commemorate Ethan’s first sleepover (coined at Patton’s insistence) in their apartment. They’ve all been steadily growing closer with him, going on outings or texting in a group chat far into the early hours of the morning. Although the circumstances in which they met aren’t ideal, Logan easily finds himself glad and thankful for his presence. He’s so similar to Logan in a lot of ways; although he does enjoy engaging in chaotic activities with Remus and belting out show-tunes with Roman, he also likes the quiet, to read and debate philosophy, which has left the two of them at a mutual understanding of one another more than once.

The other five have been drinking all evening, and are currently at various levels of intoxication. Logan opted out, which earned him an understanding look from Ethan, of whom completely skipped over him while handing out the initial first round of beers. Roman is by far the drunkest, although he isn’t completely inebriated. Remus has drunk the most, but he doesn’t really exhibit any obvious signs of intoxication, so it’s difficult to tell. Virgil has also drunk a lot, and as a result has taken the charge along with Roman on most of the dares. Patton surprisingly agreed to drink as well, and he’s been swaying on tipsy for a while now. Ethan hasn’t drunk much, but he’s definitely much more loose and carefree than before they started.

Virgil pops a handful of chips into his mouth and chases it down with some more beer as Remus takes a swig of whatever he has in his water bottle. Logan’s pretty sure it’s vinegar, but he doesn’t really feel the need to bring this fact up. Logan wants to just answer truth and get his turn over with so he can return to his novel, but they are here to have fun, and Logan would hate to ruin that.

“Dare, I suppose,” Logan sighs as he tilts his head, watches the other players’ eyes light up in various levels of conspicuousness. He’s chosen truth every single time his turn came around and answered the questions succinctly, leaving no room for confusion. He’s aware that his presence and participation are what one would consider boring, but he’s far more interested in the novel by his side than the game. He’s perfectly content to just watch their antics from the sidelines, exasperated but amused and fond, but they had insisted on him joining the game too.

“Hmm… we keep giving each other boring dares, let’s make this more fun! Logan, I dare you to… hmm… oh,” Roman vocalizes as he’s struck with an idea, sly eyes and a smirk sliding onto his face. The others lean in, intrigued, and Logan doesn’t really know what to expect. He’s never played Truth or Dare before now, hasn’t experienced a dare, so he isn’t exactly sure what a typical dare entails. “I dare you to kiss Ethan!”

Oh.

Logan doesn’t really know how to react to that. His brain is much more alert now than before, on guard despite there being no real danger around him. There’s no danger, it’s safe, it’s okay. The words of self-comfort are ones he’s uttered to himself night after night of being afraid of sleeping alone in the dark, where it’s all too easy for his vision to flash and put him right back in that man’s house, underneath his sweaty body, feeling his fingers pressing into--

“Logan? Sorry, was that too much? You don’t have to,” Roman says, confused even as he laughs and takes another drink from his plastic cup. Patton reaches over and slowly pries the cup away to replace it with a water bottle, and although Roman whines about it, he complies in the end. Virgil just continues to munch on the chips and watch them all, not even flinching when Remus drapes his arms and head over one of Virgil’s shoulders.

“A dare is a dare. I have to do it,” Logan says, clear and strong even though inside, he’s shaking. Although it is a reply to Roman, it’s also a reassurance for himself, a way to build up confidence so that he can actually do this. It’s not as if he doesn’t want to, because he does, it’s just that the thought of potentially losing control and getting hurt scares him. He feels almost guilty, because Ethan would never, ever hurt him or do something he’s uncomfortable with, but it doesn’t change the fact that the thought still nags at the back of his mind anyway.

“Nice! Go Logan!” Remus cheers, and Virgil and Roman laugh along. Patton just grins at all of them, happy and endeared as he breaks off a piece of a chocolate bar to let it melt sweet on his tongue. He hooks his arm around Roman’s neck and gives him a peck on the cheek, eyes bright and loving when Roman turns to catch his lips with his own anyway. Virgil just smiles and shakes his head even as Remus yells something about cooties right beside his ear.

“Logan, don’t, you-- you don’t know if you can handle this. You don’t have to,” Ethan stresses quietly amidst the energy, worried eyes boring into Logan’s own. And Logan knows. He knows that it still hurts, that he could freak out any second, that he could hear whispers in his ears any second. He doesn’t care. He can’t live his life constantly afraid of intimacy. He needs to take control, take it back, and be able to conquer the demons residing in the darkest corners of his head. So instead, he just sets down his book, places his hand on Ethan’s shoulder, and draws him closer.

Playful taunts and jeers come out of the others when the two stop inches away from one another, intense eye contact serving as the only thing keeping either of them from advancing. Logan breathes slowly and deeply, lets a small smirk play in his expression. Ethan’s breath catches in his throat when he manages to break the eye contact, lets his gaze flick down to Logan’s lips before licking his own, and then--

And then. They’re kissing. They’re actually kissing, and Logan isn’t even that afraid anymore! Sure, he isn’t completely off guard, but his own want surprises him when his hand slides from the base of Ethan’s neck to tangle his fingers in soft, lightly curled locks. Ethan responds just as eagerly, allows three fingers to rest on Logan’s jaw as a guide, and the feeling causes Logan to shiver from where he sits on his knees. It feels nice, warm, comforting. Despite the tiny bit of heat coiling low in Logan’s abdomen that he knows he won’t act on, it all feels somewhat tame, just an easy slide of lips against lips as the two figure each other out. Pulling away feels like it happens far too soon, but the others are teasing them with “getting a room” (apart from Remus, who lefts the room to go find more snacks), so it’s probably best to hold off, at least for now. Ethan releases out a shaky breath, and a bright smile makes its way onto his face, and Logan is instantly smitten. Is this…

“I love you,” Ethan breathes, sure and truthful and hopeful, and Logan can pinpoint the exact moment his brain figuratively catches up to his mouth and embarrassment spreads like roses across his cheeks. The others cheer happily, saying things like “Finally!” and “Took him long enough.” and it makes Logan wonder just how long Ethan has wanted this, how long they’ve known and he himself has been in the dark.

“I-- I love you guys, too. Fuck,” Ethan stutters out, curses his own unsure confession, and he’s stunned when looks of pure delight spread across the others’ faces. Roman looks absolutely overjoyed, and Patton is giddy with happiness, and Virgil is quiet even as a bright smile graces his typically downturned expression. Logan is aware of the acute feeling in his chest, the way the breath seems to get stuck in his lungs in a different way than that of when he’s afraid or in a panic. This feels warmer, more definite, and it only increases when Ethan smiles shyly as both Roman and Patton tackle him in a hug.

-

+1

It’s interesting how quickly movie nights have become a regular occurrence among their five-man household.

With the addition of Ethan into their home, into their FamILY (as Patton says), things have become a bit different in terms of everyday life. They still wake up every morning for breakfast, still deal with Virgil’s grumbling and Remus’ energy and Roman’s singing and Patton’s laughter and Logan’s exasperation. They still play board games every Friday, still help each other with homework, still curl up in whoever’s bed is closest to leech the warmth from one another. But now, they have Ethan there, to sweep into the kitchen and pour Virgil and Logan coffee, to stir the food in the pan that Patton inevitably will forget about, to make sure the twins don’t fight over serving portions. Now he absolutely demolishes all of them at Clue, assists with whatever schoolwork he can, brushes his teeth right alongside them as they prepare for bed.

It’s strange to consider these new developments, this new relationship, and Logan finds that he’s more entranced with the idea of it than he previously assumed. The quiet, trusting comfort they’ve found within one another is something that Logan doesn’t quite understand, and he doesn’t think he ever really will. It’s beyond words, beyond explanations, and that alone would normally completely turn Logan off to it. He operates best when he can rationalize things, describe and explain and make sense of things that happen in the world around him, but this… there’s something different. There’s something about him that frustrated him to his core and yet he can’t let go, refuses to give it up. He loves them too much for that.

And it’s that thought, that stray thought that floats into his head as the others lounge in various places around the living room that sends what feels like an electric shock coursing through his veins. He loves them. He’s in love with them, so deeply that it makes his heart ache. He loves how Virgil is perched on the arm of the couch, how Patton giggles at every joke in the movie, how Roman sings along with the soundtrack, how Ethan snuggles into Logan’s side as he rants about character flaws in the downtime between action scenes. He loves them all, loves them for who they are.

Logan also loves them for being so patient with him. He loves that when he feels like he can’t escape from the memories, Patton will take him aside to bake cupcakes and distract him from his mind rebelling against itself. He loves that when it becomes too hard to stay focused on the present, when his breathing becomes like painful bullets in his lungs, Virgil will count with him, hold his hands until he doesn’t feel so lightheaded anymore. He loves that when he just can’t stop shaking, needs to know that he’s safe, Roman will enclose him with a protective embrace and rock him until the trembling stops. He loves that when he can feel the phantom sensation of the man’s touch on his legs, when he can feel wispy fingers dipping between his thighs, Ethan will cocoon him in blankets and read a story to him to stave off the terror and the nightmares. And although Logan loves Remus in a different way than he does the others, he still loves how Remus is always happy to rant and ramble about anything and everything at once when Logan can only hear the man’s voice playing in a loop through his thoughts.

He loves them. His boyfriends, and one of his best friends, he feels like he’s bursting at the seams with how much love has welled up in his chest. He wants to let them know, wants to tell them. He wants them to understand how he feels, that he adores them unconditionally. So he does.

“I love you guys,” Logan says, soft and important when the volume is turned down on the television, and four heads whip around to stare at him in shock as the credits roll in the background. Logan feels a bit awkward under their scrutiny, doesn’t really know how to jump-start their movement and cognizance again, so he just gives a tiny, genuine smile. 

Apparently, that’s plenty enough to achieve the effect he wanted, but Logan doesn’t expect for three bodies to immediately hurl themselves at him in a massive group hug. Ethan simply turns and places his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, laughs silently as Patton starts crying and Roman goes off on a long, dramatic spiel declaring his love and Virgil just buries his face in Logan’s arm. And Logan flinches, of course he flinches, because the sudden touch startles him. But he’s not scared. He doesn’t feel afraid, doesn’t feel unsafe, and a gentle, shining warmth glows within him. And he gets it now. He understands what that warmth is. It’s pure, unadulterated love, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

#whumptober2019 #no.29 #numb #ts sides #sanders sides #ts logan #logan sanders #logan angst #ts deceit #deceit sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts remus #remus sanders #creativitwins #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #sympathetic patton #dlamp #tw rape mention #tw panic attack #vulgar language #tw vomiting #self-deprecation #tw cursing #jasper's writing

[thirstyforbishiesimagines]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do an imagine with Eugene x female reader with unexpected pregnancy? You choose if it's after the apocalypse or in it! I love this blog💕

Beautiful @rachelfischbach, Part I is finally done! I’m so sorry it took so long! I really wanted this one to be perfect because you were just a gem to chat to while discussing deets with this request. I hope you enjoy it and I’ll get working on Part II & III. Lots of love xx 😘 

.

Unexpected : PART I - Eugene x Reader

* image from Lucydreams, Dangerous Fellows

Word Count: 4,026

Angst

Warning: Profanity (18+)

.

.

“Is everything ok, (Y/N)?”

There was a soft knock on the cubical door.

Sitting idly on the toilet, you stared blankly at the graffitied wooden panel in front of you; unsure of how to answer your anxious friend. Burying your head in your hands, you let out a forlorn sigh.

“Judy! I’m 2 weeks late!” Yanking your pants up, you pushed the door open and let her slather hand sanitiser all over your palms.

“Maybe your body is just under a lot of stress? That’s probably why your cycle hasn’t…”

“Not two weeks late though!” You threw your head back, exasperated – interrupting her.

“Eugene and I… We’re not exactly careful…”

How is he going to react?

Judy placed a gentle hand on your trembling shoulder, reassuring you with a sympathetic smile, “You need to tell him.”

.

The ethereal moonlight illuminated the classroom that you and Eugene both shared. Bathing in the aftermath of your night of passion, you rested your head on your boyfriend’s warm chest; twining and tangling your fingers with his playfully. He kissed your temple softly and you felt a pang of nervousness in the pit of your stomach as Judy’s voice echoed in the back of your mind. You let out a heavy sigh, attempting to shake her out of your head.

“What? My kiss not good enough?” Eugene chuckled as he watched you sit up; caressing your arm gently with the back of his fingers.

Clutching the blanket to your breasts, you furrowed your brows and met his amber orbs with apprehension. The smile on his face faded once he saw your quivering lips.

“Hey? Is everything ok?” He settled beside you and wrapped his arms around your waist; sincerity evident upon his boyish face.

Averting your gaze, you gnawed on your lower lip; contemplating over your words.

“Eugene, I think I’m…” Pausing for a moment, you studied his facial expression. Your boyfriend watched you earnestly, encouraging you to continue with a small nod. “I… I’m pregnant.”

“What?” The golden-haired male stared at you blankly, searching for any hint of humour in your anxious eyes. “How?”

You scoffed at his question, irritated at the fact that he couldn’t put two-and-two together.

“Well, that’s what happens when you have unprotected sex, Eugene. You fall pregnant.”

You were furious with yourself for responding to him in such a sardonic manner – guilt consuming you entirely. It was a harsh reality check towards the stunned male and his brows furrowed instantly at your shrewish remark.

“I’m not an idiot, (Y/N)! Shit! I’m just… I’m just shocked. I wasn’t expecting this at all!”

Tensive silence fell between the both of you.

After what felt like hours, Eugene stood up. His body language screaming with disbelief as he began to dress himself. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket, he wandered towards the door - your delicate voice halting him in his tracks.

“Where are you going? Don’t you want to talk about this?”

You felt wetness welling up in the corner of your eyes as you inhaled deeply, attempting to calm your heartache and nerves caused by his unexpected reaction.

“I… I can’t right now. I just need some air.”

As Eugene slid the door shut, you fell onto the floor in a heap - dejected. You huddled into a tight foetal position and allowed the emotions to pour out from your shattered heart, your hands muffling your doleful cries.

A waterfall of tears pooled onto the cold hardwood floor. You stared down at your belly with clouded eyes, remorse and sadness consuming every inch of your body. Peeling your shaking hands reluctantly from your lips, you held your tummy just below your navel; trying your hardest to convey all the warmth and affection you could muster for the little being growing inside of your womb.

I don’t know if I can do this without him, little one…

Deep down you knew that Eugene wouldn’t take the news too well; hence, you prolonged announcing it to him. You feared that you would lose him completely. That he would no longer want you… or your baby.

Has your worst fears become reality?

Maybe your expectations for a better future was unrealistic.

Maybe the notion of raising a child in this godforsaken world was just too simplistic.

Maybe… maybe you were just naive.

The twisted ache in your heart trembled beneath your chest as the thought of losing Eugene over an unwanted pregnancy was too painful to bear.

“Please… don’t leave me…”

Gazing down at your hunched over belly, you exhaled with overbearing pain and stammered, “Don’t leave us…”

Your quiet plea was left unheard and you cried once more, hugging your abdomen tightly. As moments passed by, you let out a mournful sigh; blinking your tears back. With a gentle caress of your belly, you made a silent promise to your unborn child. A promise that you will protect them, no matter what the costs may be.

You fluttered your swollen eyes shut, attempting to sleep – waiting for your boyfriend to return.

The crisp air embraced your shivering form before the morning rays eventually warmed up the empty room, welcoming a new day… a day where you awoke with no partner by your side.

And as days soon became weeks, you both never spoke about that night again.

.

The winter breeze whipped the strands of your (h/c) hair across your solemn features as you sat out on the rooftop, watching idly towards the mist-covered city - overridden by mindless zombies. Alone, you hugged your knees to your chest; shielding your belly from the cold as you nibbled on the chocolate bar that was rationed during the afternoon meeting.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you stay up here for too long.”

The irritated tone of the man you yearned for snapped you out of your listless stare. Your heart skipped a beat and you tilted your head to the direction of the entrance as Eugene stepped out onto the concrete, his presence - apathetic and sombre. Relieved to see him safe and unharmed from his supply run, you managed a tiny smile as you watched him stop right at your feet.

“Here.”

He thrusts a small water bottle, a large bag of crisps and a protein bar your way, “Found these at a nearby store. You need to eat.”

Peering up to meet his vacant gaze, you gathered the snacks and crossed your legs to place them in your lap.

He was expressionless.

You missed his charming smile and the sound of his spirited laugh. His lack of emotion broke your heart as you only wished to see him beam at you once more.

“Thanks…”

Averting your eyes, you began to fiddle with the ends of your hair anxiously; fearful of the constant rejection as you craved for his company. “Do you have food? I mean, we can shar-“

“I’m fine. You’re eating for two.”

His abrupt words were a painful reminder of your current relationship status. If you tried to strike up a conversation, he would generally cut you off mid-sentence or walk away from you. During meals, you now sat with Judy and Sue while he would be with Zion or on his own. You hated this feeling… this constant ache in your chest. Dropping your head, you struggled to fight back the tears from this continuous isolation.

Suddenly, a familiar warmth enveloped your shoulders as the comforting scent of Eugene embraced your senses, protecting you from the bitter cold. Your body relaxed into the residual heat that emanated from his jacket before perking up to see the blonde heading towards the door.

“You should really get inside, (Y/N). Unless you want to freeze to death out here.”

The rhythm of your heart thrummed happily as you toyed with the zipper of the garment fondly. You let out a soft giggle as your lips curled up affectionately. His words were crass, but it was enough for you to know that he still cared.

.

Emerging from Judy’s room, you rubbed your weary eyes and yawned.

Urgh… Why am I so tired this morning?

Your tiny bump was hidden underneath your jacket and you gazed down at your torso, humming softly. An expression graced with a grin as wide as a Cheshire Cat’s, your face emanating with blooming love at your growing tummy.

You must be taking up all of Mummy’s energy, little one.

You gave your distended belly a little rub ‘hello’ before stopping in front of Eugene’s classroom, staring longingly at the wooden door. You couldn’t remember how many nights it had been since you’ve slept in the same room together. The loneliness you had endured was finally too much to bear and it led you to ultimately accept your best friend’s invitation to stay with her instead.

Letting out a dispirited sigh, you began your way to Classroom 1-C.

As you entered the general meeting room, you noticed Judy and Zion engrossed in what seemed to be a serious conversation. Intrigued, you began your way towards them until you felt a gentle hand tap on your shoulder.

“Good morning, (Y/N). Would you mind preparing the food before I commence today’s meeting?”

Lawrence greeted you with a kind smile.

“Sure, Lawrence.”

Pivoting on your heels, you accepted the job and strode back out the door.

“Oi! Wait Up! I’ll come help!”

Recognising the male voice hailing you down, you spun your head around just as you were about to enter the food storage room. A soft smile grew upon your face as Zion approached - his crimson hair bouncing as he jogged down the hallway.

The two of you began to ration the morning meals for all eleven people residing in the school and you sighed, realising that there would only be enough for the next week or so.

“I know it’s soon, but I think we’ll need to go on another food hunt.”

“Yeah… This doesn’t look like it’s gonna last for very long.” Zion nodded in concurrence to your suggestion, “We should let Lawrence know when we get back.”

As you lined the items in a small cardboard box to take back, the redhead perched himself on a desk adjacent to you - capturing your attention.

“So, this thing between you and Eugene has been going on for waay too long.”

Legs crossed on the desk, Zion propped his elbow on his knee - chin resting in his palm. His golden orbs were fuelled with genuine concern; an expression familiar to you way back when you both had dated as teens.

“The guy is like, my idiot brother. He’s my compadre and he won’t even confide in me.” He sighed, furrowing his eyebrows sympathetically, “It’s been months, (Y/N)… What happened between you two?”

Exhaling deeply, you dropped your gaze to your feet; contemplating on what to say to your friend.

“I… It’s a little personal.” You decided not to tell him the truth as to why Eugene hadn’t spoken to you, “It’s not like I wanted this, you know. He seems to want space, so I’m giving that to him.”

A flooding warmth glazed your (e/c) eyes as you tipped your head back, rejecting the unshed tears from falling.

“I miss being with him…” The note in your voice went quiet. You grit your teeth, finally coming to terms with your worse fears, “Zion… I don’t know if he loves me anymore.”

As your emotions washed over your shaking form, you sobbed uncontrollably; burying your moistened face into your trembling hands.

If even Zion had noticed the distance between Eugene and yourself, then it would obviously be evident amongst your friends. This notion tore your heart in two and the hope you held onto was beginning to fade.

Why is he still avoiding me? I mean, he’s half responsible for… for this!

You laced your arms around your waist as you let the tears stream down your cheeks.

Why does it feel like this is punishment for falling pregnant?

I hate what he’s doing to me! I hate feeling so hopeless!

You soon felt arms wrap around you - strong and gentle. That comforting feeling was followed by a gentle pressure on top of your head as Zion nestles his cheek upon you. It was very uncharacteristic of him to be compassionate; however, you welcomed the embrace, nuzzling into his broad chest.

“I’m worried about you guys. I’m worried about you, (Y/N)…” He placed his large hands over your shoulders and pulled away - smiling tenderly. “You know, if it’s any consolation, I’ve seen that moron stare at you from time to time. He looks like a man in love to me.”

“Thanks, Zion. I needed that.” Using the ends of your sleeve to wipe away the tears, you managed a weak smile.

His crimson hair blazed from the morning sun shining through the half-boarded windows - a sure grin across his porcelain face.

“Let’s head back. I’ll talk to him if I get the chance.”

.

“It has been brought to my attention that we are low on food.”

Lawrence pushed up his round specs as he explained the dire situation to everyone gathered in 1-C.

“I will personally go out for this supply run and if you don’t mind, Ethan, I’d like you to assist me as well.”

Ethan nodded his head in agreement, his usual nonchalant face never giving away his thoughts.

“Zion and I will come too. We know exactly how much food is needed to keep us going for another few months.”

Eager to help - and to get some much-needed fresh air - you shot Lawrence a look of determination and he accepted your voluntary offer with a warm smile.

“YOU CAN’T GO!”

All eyes fixated on Eugene, who had been quiet since the commencement of the meeting. He shifted awkwardly and averted his gaze from everyone else, “I mean… I’ll go instead of (Y/N)… I remember which store has the most food supply from the last run.”

YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS?

You took a deep inhale before contending your cause.

“I already have the inventory memorised. It’ll be easier if I go. Just tell us where this place is.”

Folding your arms across your chest, you narrowed your eyes at him - refusing to back down. You needed to get out of the confines of the school, cabin fever beginning to eat away at your sanity.

Eugene shot you an insistent glare, “It’s been a while since you’ve been out there. It’ll be faster if I go since we had to make new safe routes to different locations.”

“Well, obviously it’s been a while! You keep butting in before I could even volunteer to go into town!”

“It’s because you’re more suited for yard and hallway patrols than outside. Zion and I-“

“EXCUSE ME? MORE SUITED? CARE TO EXPLAIN, EUGENE?”

Your temper erupted as rage crept up your neck. A scarlet hue to complement your angered face.

You were fuming!

You had barely spoken even a few sentences together for months and you couldn’t believe that he had dared to claim that you were not ‘suited’ for supply runs.

Shocked by your outburst, Eugene froze with his mouth agape - speechless.

Vexed by his stubbornness, you sprung to your feet and curled your fingers into a fist, “I’ve been cooped up in here for ages because you keep making excuses as to why I can’t go! I. AM. DONE. HERE!”

You stormed towards the door before turning your gaze at Lawrence, who sat there dumbfounded by the situation, “I’ll prepare my bag and I’ll meet you guys at the gate.”

A pair of footsteps raced after you as you exited the classroom, furious with what had transpired.

.

Slamming the door open to Judy’s room, you gathered your essentials with sheer frustration; preparing for your trip out into town - Eugene hot on your tail.

“I’m going on this food run and that’s FINAL!”

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE! Not in your state!”

Anger surged through your veins and you snapped your head back to scowl at the man you hopelessly yearned to be with again. You desired nothing more than to be enveloped in his arms; however, at this moment, he was the last person you wanted to see.

“MY STATE? Are we actually going to talk about ‘my state’? After you walked out on me that night I told you I was pregnant, you have NO SAY in the decisions I make.”

Motioning an imaginary circle around your growing belly, you glared at him with indignation, “This? This right here is going to happen whether you like it or not. However, me being pregnant shouldn’t hinder me from going out on runs, and I for one will NOT let a man dictate that. Especially someone who hasn’t been there for me emotionally for the past few months.”

Maintaining eye contact, you curled your hands into a fist once more and let out a stuttering sigh before continuing your outburst, “I needed you, Eugene. My body is changing. I’ve been nauseous and hungry, and I just needed my boy-… I just needed you to hold me… To tell me that everything will be okay and that we can survive in this damned world with a baby. But all you’ve done was avoided the situation. Avoided me! You’ve shut yourself away instead of working this out together. It’s selfish and cowardly, and…”

Biting your lower lip, you stopped yourself from saying any more in fear that you may regret it later.

“You know what? Just… Just, forget it…”

Exasperated, you swung your backpack over your shoulder and made your way towards the exit until Eugene suddenly grabs your wrist. His irritated expression fell into distraught, remorse evident in his crestfallen gaze; unable to form the words that he wanted to convey.

Instead, he manoeuvred his hand to hold your own; caressing your knuckles gently with the pad of his thumb. His eyes remained fixated on the feel of your skin against his, clearly missing the physical connection as he displayed a long-awaited sign of affection.

All the anger was swept away with his touch alone and you desperately wanted to throw your arms around him - to feel the warmth of the man you love so dearly. With all the emotional agony he had put you through, you desired to know only one thing.

Cupping his cheek with your free hand, you guided his gaze to meet yours - searching for answers.

“Do you love me?”

Your whisper had caught him off guard and he looked at you with slight apprehension, his vibrant orbs suddenly glazed with tears.

“(Y/N)… I-”

The hesitation in his voice shattered your heart and you withdrew yourself away from him completely - lips quivering in trepidation.

Why would he hesitate?

Does he doubt his love for me now?

Why do I keep allowing him to make me feel this way?

It felt like the ground beneath you would give way – enticing you to fall into the welcoming sense of oblivion. A nauseating sensation began to churn within the pit of your stomach and you felt like you were going to be sick. Before all of this happened, Eugene was always so affectionate, always doting; his love was unconditional, and he would always express that to you.

If he feels nothing for me… for us, then I will love you with everything that I have, little one!

You subconsciously, placed your hands over your belly - safeguarding your child.

A cocktail of emotions whirled through your mind and you could no longer hold back the tears. The sadness resonated in your voice as you whispered.

“Actually, no… don’t answer that. I don’t think my heart can handle the constant rejection.”

Anger, sorrow, and hopelessness consumed your entirety as you sprinted out the door; not wanting to look back at the remorse shrouded upon Eugene’s tear-stricken face.

.

Zion looked up at the window where his friend remained, watching you and the others exit the school gate. The redhead gave Eugene a reassuring nod. An unspoken promise to make sure that you remained safe and unharmed. The hooded male caught his gaze and motioned his head in return before focusing his melancholy eyes on you; wishing that he had seized the chance to apologise, to tell you how he genuinely felt about everything… to have tried harder to live up to the man you needed him to be.

Desperately longing that he had returned to you that night he left you.

Eugene slammed his fist against the window, angered at what he believed was a cowardly act. He should have told you that he was anxious and scared… scared that he wouldn’t be good enough to be a father. Ultimately, his life would change with ‘baby’ in the picture and he was unsure of whether he was ready to fulfil such an intimidating role.

Eugene’s breath stammered as he mentally beat himself down at how selfish and inconsiderate he had been these past few months. He couldn’t imagine what you would have gone through. He could only assume that you weren’t ready to become a mum yourself. That you were also afraid of the future ahead.

The painful guilt he felt for abandoning you during such a daunting and vulnerable time ate away at his conscience. Regret devoured his entire being and he felt utterly pathetic that he was unable to express how much you truly mean to him.

As you disappeared around the corner of the gate, he placed his hands on the frosted glass - attempting to reach out to you in a desperate hope that you would feel his undying love for you.

.

The suffocating silence in 1-C was deafening.

Witnessing the scene of only two of the four hurtling back into the gates stunned everyone into paralysis. Inundated by a swarm of zombies, Lawrence and Ethan were forced to cut the search short; unfortunately resulting in you and Zion becoming separated from them. With darkness threatening their safety, the two men had to retreat back to the school with heavy hearts.

Eugene stood there in disbelief before a flood of remorse washed over his trembling body. He hunched over, winded from the news. Clutching his hand over his shirt, his breath grew rapid as his heart hammered underneath his ribcage - the pain overwhelming to bear.

“(Y/N)…”

The whisper of your name was meek, agonising, and sad - he couldn’t believe that you were gone.

Images of your enchanted smile bombarded his mind and his breath hitched within his throat, torn at the thought he may not ever see it again.

I shouldn’t have let her go! I should have forced her to stay!

Internally screaming at himself with regret, moisture glazed over Eugene’s eyes; threatening to escape as guilt began to tear at his soul.

His legs froze on the spot, overcome with mind-numbing despair. His thoughts, running a million miles an hour; uncertain of how he’d ever be able to live on without you by his side.

It’s because of me… This is all my fault!

FUCK! How could I have been so stupid?

You were no longer within the safe haven of the school building… no longer within reach of his grasp.

I… I’m the reason she wanted to leave.

It’s all my fault… IT’S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!

Why did I let myself become the reason she wanted to leave?

The blood in the young man’s face drained as his whole world began to crumble. The chance to prove to you that he loves you and that he would try his damn hardest to step up to his responsibilities were ripped away from him.

But if Lawrence said that they got separated, maybe…

Heart pounding, his eyes widened with sudden realisation as he muttered to himself - adamant with his decision.

“I need to see for myself!”

Before anyone could stop him, Eugene had grabbed his bag, readied a weapon and bolted out the gate alone in search for you and his unborn child.

.

.

x mod bambi

#dangerous fellows #dangerous fellows eugene #dfel #dfel eugene #eugene #eugene angst #angst #dangerous fellows blog #reader x #reader x eugene #reader x character #reader fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic blog #dangerous fellows otome #request

[hopewritcs]

come in with the rain.

pairing: jonathan byers x reader

word count: 3.1k

request from @heartchanhee: “Hii, could you do 12 (from the fluff prompt list) and 4 (from the angst prompt list) with Jonathan Byers? (Happy ending)” ( ““how did you get in here?” / “it doesn’t matter anymore.” )

summary: y/n and jonathan used to be best friends in middle school.  they were both “art kids” that no one else wanted to spend time with.  they were best friends until the disappearance of jonathan’s brother will.  now, will’s home safe and sound, and the only time y/n sees jonathan is in the halls with nancy wheeler.

notes: hey hi hello ! i hope you like this fic. it’s kind of ambiguously set sometime around the end of season two / before the beginning of season three ? for the first like ... half or so ? of the fic is very lacking in dialogue, and is more action heavy to get the plot of the fic going.  

stranger things tag list: @thekidsofneibolt, @madhatterweasley, @shaykeijser, @rainy-bookish-days (if you wanna be added to any tag list, let me know!!)

She was angry and hurt.  Every time she’s seen Jonathan now he’s been whispering with Nancy, it’s like she doesn’t even exist anymore to him.  Jonathan used to be her best friend.  He was the person she counted on for everything, because school ( and Hawkins in general ) was a rough place.  They got through it together.  But somehow, over the past year and a half or so, Nancy Wheeler had gotten involved in Jonathan’s life, which left Y/N on the sidelines on her own.  

At first, Y/N didn’t mind.  It was around the time Will had gone missing and Jonathan was preoccupied dealing with his mother, the reappearance of his father ( albeit briefly ), and trying to figure out what happened to his younger brother.  Y/N had offered to help, and Jonathan had taken her up on it.  She’d been putting up flyers around the hallway for days after Will disappeared, but then something happened and Jonathan stopped returning her calls.  

She heard second hand from Rebecca Erikson that Jonathan and Nancy had been spotted driving off from the sheriff’s department together.  

And that didn’t sting.  Jonathan was allowed to have friends that weren’t her.  She knew that.  Maybe her problem was that Jonathan seemed to easily slip into life with Nancy Wheeler at his side while Y/N was struggling to keep up.  They didn’t not include her originally.  After a weird period, when Will was found, Nancy had fit nicely into their little duo.  

Then Tina’s Halloween party happened and Y/N watched as Jonathan helped Nancy home, an aching feeling in her chest as she watched him usher her out the front door and towards his mother’s car.  Not only had she been left without a ride, but she felt left in general too.  

The tugging at her heart only got worse when it was days later at school with both Jonathan and Nancy missing.  Someone had started a rumor that they’d left town to be together, which was only fueled by the fact that Steve Harrington--the dethroned King of Hawkins High--looked like utter shit the first couple of days.  His hair was missing its usual poof, his eyes looked puffy when he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses ( which was only during class, because Mr. Wilson had yelled at him to take them off ), and he was avoiding all of his old friends.  

During that time, Y/N had approached Steve when he was sitting alone on the bleachers outside, in the beginnings of winter.  She didn’t say anything at first, but offered him some of the snacks her mother had packed in her lunch and they sat in silence.  Both mourning the loss of their relationships.  His with Nancy and hers with Jonathan.  

Maybe it was a couple of weeks later, when Jonathan and Nancy were back in school and both were seemingly talking to Steve too, when Y/N felt alone.  She still went back to the bleachers and curled up with her sweater under her legs, snacking.  Steve found Y/N outside eating lunch alone and joined her silently, like she had that first day.  Maybe that was when she realized that she wasn’t hurt because her friend had left her.  

She was hurt because the guy she liked had left her for another girl.  

A more popular girl.  

Some might say a prettier girl.  

The emotion, the realization of it all, hit Y/N hard, because she didn’t really think about it like that.  Not until it was staring her in the face as she was wondering about what happened.  Why had Jonathan stayed by Nancy’s side and not even looked her way?  Why were they constantly together, whispering in the hallway?  All the scenarios fluttered through her mind and Y/N realized that she liked Jonathan.  Really, really, liked Jonathan Byers.  

It felt cliché, sitting on the bleachers in the warmer ( but not yet warm ) Spring weather, getting hit in the heart about her feelings for her best friend in the world.  Felt like she was in a movie, but no.  This was Y/N’s real life.  

Steve still joined her for lunch every day.  Neither of them said much, but they often shared whatever they were eating as they worked on school work or anything to clear their minds.  They didn’t ask what was on their minds, ever.  It was an unspoken agreement that their conversations ( when they spoke ) stuck to what their preferred snacks were, what the latest gossip was, or if they could get a second opinion or help on some assignment.  Y/N was grateful for that friendship with Steve, it was a superficial friendship at most, but it was still someone in her corner.  Someone who was there for her.  

As the school year was winding down to a close, Y/N and Steve spoke more frequently at lunch.  Both were set with summer jobs at the opening soon Starcourt Mall--Steve at the ice cream parlor Scoops Ahoy! and Y/N at the Claire’s as a salesgirl.  It was in one of their conversations about summer plans that Steve mentioned Nancy and Jonathan had gotten internships at the newspaper, the Hawkins Post.  

Her heart sunk.  She hadn’t really thought about Jonathan much with finals coming up, but even the slightest mention of him sent a whole shiver down her body--an ache she could only say was heartbreak.  

After school, instead of meeting for a study group at the library like she had planned, Y/N left and went on a walk.  She didn’t much know where she was going, or where she would wind up--but she knew she needed to clear her head and get rid of all these thoughts of Jonathan.  

Y/N hadn’t really thought about her direction, but once the rain had started she knew she needed to get to some shelter.  Rainy season wasn’t always forgiving, so she worried if a true storm was coming.  The problem was, she wasn’t anywhere near her own home.  At some point, Y/N had wandered into the wooded area of Hawkins, heading in no particular direction.  On the bright side, she caught glimpse of something familiar and headed in that direction.  

Suddenly, she didn’t care if she saw Jonathan Byers or if they were even still friends, she just wanted to get out of the rain.  Her hair was sticking to her cheeks and her clothes were soaked through, awkwardly draped against her body as she maneuvered through the woods to the backside of the Byers house.  Thankfully, she knew exactly which window was Jonathans.  And she also knew that it was rickety and old, and with enough leverage it would easily give and allow her the shelter she needed.  

So, she shimmied the window open and pulled herself inside where she rather ungracefully dropped to the floor.  The loud echo of water and a thud in her wake.  

“What was that?” she heard a concerned voice from another room.  

“Sounds like it came from Jonathan’s room.” 

“Jonathan, go check your room.  Make sure it’s not one of those things coming back.”  

“All those things are gone.  Don’t be weird about it.” 

“Shut up Dustin, I’m just saying.” 

“Can we just focus on this game?” 

The sounding voices got quieter as the door opened to Jonathan’s room.  All the kids, who had gathered there for a DnD night turned slumber party when the rain had started to get worse, quieted down and attempted to peer over the hallway to see what had fallen inside Jonathan’s room.  

Jonathan, as certain as he was that it wasn’t a demodog in his bedroom, wasn’t certain that it wasn’t an intruder who could hurt them.  So, when he opened his door, he reached in first to flick on the light switch before looking into the room.  “Y/N?  How did you get in here?” 

Y/N sat up slowly, pushing the rain-soaked strands of hair out of her face and gave Jonathan a smile.  “I was just walking around when the rain started, and your house was the closest.”  

“What do you mean it was the closest?  We’re miles from your house.”  Jonathan said, his eyes wide as he studied her for a moment before jumping into action and rummaging through his dresser drawers for something she could change into.  Shaking his head he replied, “Doesn’t matter.  Here, change first, you’re shaking.”  

Was she shaking?  She looked down at her hands and noticed that, yes, she was indeed shaking.  Y/N stood up and took the sweats he was offering her with a small smile before moving past him and heading toward the familiar bathroom across the hallway.  As she was changing she could hear whoever was in the living room continue their conversation.  

“Was that Y/N?  I haven’t seen her in forever.  Hey Y/N!” 

“Will, she’s in the bathroom, she’s not going to respond to you.” 

“Who is she?” 

“She’s Jonathan’s oldest friend. Mom always said they were gonna--” 

“Does she...know?” 

“No!  She hasn’t been over in months.” 

Y/N was wringing out the scrunchie she’d kept on her wrist earlier that day in the sink when there was a knock on the door, followed by Jonathan’s voice, “You can just leave your clothes in the bathroom, hang them up on the tub to dry for now.”  

“Thanks.”  She replied, pulling her wet hair out of her face and into a loose bun.  The sweatshirt and pants he’d given her were already doing their job to warm her up, and she swiftly hung up her soaked clothes before leaving the bathroom again.  

Y/N walked right into the living room to see a group of Will’s friends sitting on the couch and floor around a game set up.  She sat on the arm of the couch and nudged Will’s arm with a smile, “Hey kid, been a while.”

“Hey Y/N!”  his face brightened up as he turned to her.  “Why are you here?”  

“I went for a walk after school and got lost.  Wound up stuck in the rain and the closest place was your house.  Do you think your mom will mind if I crash here?”  Y/N knew she probably should have directed that question to Jonathan, but the stinging in her heart wouldn’t allow her to focus on him.  Plus, she’d always seen Will as a younger brother and she hated that her lack of friendship with Jonathan had meant a lack of seeing the kid she grew up with as a surrogate sibling.  

“Probably not, she should be home soon.  Got stuck at work when the power went out with the storm.  Everyone else is staying the night.”  Will shrugged, looking back at his friends.  “Everyone this is Y/N, Y/N these are my friends.”  

“Nice to meet you guys.”  she turned her attention to the group with a small wave of introduction.  

“Y/N, can I talk to you?”  Jonathan had been watching the scene between his brother and Y/N and he was hurting.  He’d pushed her away because he didn’t want to involve her in the supernatural, other dimensional bullshit they’d been dealing with.  But that had meant pushing away someone that had become a fixture in his family’s life, someone who he loved--who they all loved.  And now he didn’t know what it was supposed to be like, how could he invite her back into his life when he felt like he’d done something wrong?  But he did want her back in his life.  

She nodded, stood up, and ruffled Will’s hair as she walked back towards where Jonathan stood over in the kitchen.  “What’s up?” Y/N asked, awkwardly tugging at the sleeves of the sweatshirt she wore, looking at Jonathan and wondering what he could want to say to her.  

“Why are you here?  Is everything alright?”  His eyes shone with worry as he looked at her.

Y/N looked up surprised, “What?  No, everything’s fine!  Like I said, I got lost on a walk.”  She walked too far, too lost in her own thoughts.  But that wasn’t something to say.  It would only make him more worried.  “Why?  Is it...not okay that I’m here?”  What Y/N was thinking about in that moment was Nancy.  She’d heard rumors that they were more than friends, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask that question.  It would hurt too much if the truth was what she expected it to be.  

Jonathan’s eyes widened and he shook his head, putting a hand on her arm.  “N-No, of course not.  You’re always welcome here.  Y-You’re my best friend.”  

She rolled her eyes at the you’re my best friend bit.  How could that be true, they haven’t spoken in months.  “Best friend?  Are you serious?”  Hurt peppered her voice.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore?” 

Y/N sighed, biting down on her lower lip as she turned her head back toward the living room.  Noticing that the entire action of the kids had stopped, all eyes on the pair of older teens fighting in the doorway to the kitchen, she sighed again.  Y/N took a hold of Jonathan’s arm and dragged him back toward his room, closing the door behind them.  

“It just.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  You’re not my best friend, Jonathan.  If you were you wouldn’t have dumped me just because you got a girlfriend or whatever it is that Nancy is to you.”  Y/N was doing her best to keep her voice down.  She was certain that one of the kids out there was Nancy’s kid brother, who she knew to be one of Will’s friends.  So she didn’t want them to overhear the argument they were having.  

“Nancy’s not my--she’s not my girlfriend.”  Jonathan explained, scoffing and shaking his head.  Then, after a moment he added, “And I didn’t dump you.”  Even if it didn’t sound like he was exactly too sure of that himself.  

“Yes you did! Of course you did.  You pushed me away.  You haven’t said anything to me in months Jonathan.  How else am I supposed to take that?”  Y/N crossed her arms, taking a step back and moving toward the window.  A quick escape, if things needed to happen that way.  

“I was protecting you!”  Jonathan shouted loudly, surprising Y/N.  She rarely saw Jonathan angered to this point.  

“Protecting me?  Protecting me?  From what? That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it Byers.  What could you possible be protecting me from?” 

“From everything.  Oh, you have no fucking idea what we’ve been dealing with, Y/N.”  

“Then tell me!  I don’t understand what you aren’t telling me!  I mean,  I love you Jonathan, so why are you pushing me away?!”  

The room got quiet after she said that.  The only sounds in the whole house was the echoing of the storm outside, rain pattering hard against the roof and windows.  Even the kids in the other room were silent, but quickly picked up stuff and started talking to fill the tension even they were feeling from out there.  

It felt like the hours were ticking by, even if it were only minutes.  Y/N cleared her throat, stepping forward and looking at Jonathan.  “Could you say something, please?”  Her voice was softer, looking at him worried about his reaction.  

He was breathing deeply, reeling in his emotions.  Jonathan hated shouting at people, it reminded him too much of his father.  He was a quiet guy, a soft spoken guy.  But he loved her.  He’d done so much to keep her from all of this.  To protect her.  He hadn’t realized that what he’d done to keep her safe had hurt her.  Had hurt them.  

“I’m sorry.”  Jonathan said, sinking onto his bed and resting his head in his hands as he took in another deep breath.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was only protecting you, I couldn’t see you die or something.”  

“Die?”  Y/N repeated, questioningly as she took a couple of steps forward to sit on the corner of the bed by Jonathan.  Tentatively, she reached out and put one of her hands on his shoulder and the other reached out for his hand.  “Jonathan, what are you talking about?  What do you mean die?  I’m fine.  Nothing’s going to happen to me.”  

“But it could have.  That thing could have killed all of us, and when it came back again.  When those monsters came back all I could see was you dying and I needed to protect you.”  Jonathan spoke so rushed, turning to face Y/N.  Tears were clinging to the corner of his eyes as he shifted in his seat, taking her hands in his and holding on.  “I’m so sorry, Y/N.  I love you too.  I love you, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and away from all of this.”  

Between the thing could have killed us all, the monsters, and the I love you, Y/N wasn’t sure what to focus on more.  Instead, she stared down at their interlocked hands and focused on that.  She grounded herself in the moment.  

“Could you maybe say something back?”  Jonathan said quietly, breaking through her focus and pulling her attention back on him.  Him repeating her words back made her chuckle softly, shaking her head.  

“I’m not sure if I should focus on the fact that you love me too, or the whole monsters thing?”  She still wasn’t sure what he meant.  Monsters weren’t real, right?  So, what could Jonathan have meant by monsters.  

“We can focus on the monsters later.”  Jonathan explained, letting out a huff of air as he shook his head.  Of course, he was going to have to tell her everything.  Y/N deserved to know, that’s what he’d been wrestling with since everything happened.  Since he realized that he loved her and wanted to be in her life more than he wanted to keep her at a distance to protect her.  

“I love you.”  Y/N said softly, a smile spreading on her face.  “I’ve hated not having you in my life.  I thought I lost you, Jonathan.”  

“I don’t know what to say.  I can explain everything.”  Jonathan said, standing up from the bed and tugging at her to pull her toward the door.  “I’m gonna tell you about everything.”  

“Can we just...maybe focus on the monsters tomorrow?”  

Jonathan turned around and looked at Y/N, confusion spread on his face.  

“I just, don’t want to ruin the moment.  Can we just stay here?  Just let it be us?”  Y/N asked softly, tugging Jonathan back toward her and away from the door.  “For now.”  she added.  

“For now, sure.”  Jonathan nodded his head, following her back to his bed.  

They laid down, curled up together and quietly talking into the night.  The sounds of the kids playing in the other room, and the rain, the soundtrack to the evening.  

#jonathan byers x reader #stranger things x reader #jonathan byers x you #reader insert fic #jonathan byers imagine #requested

[shreddedparchment]

To Be Seen Extra

380 Years Seen

03/23/2019

Pairing: Thor x Reader          Word Count: 17,796

*Masterpost in Notes     Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, language, angst, fluff

A/N: Man, oh man! I’m sorry this is so long but this is definitely the conclusion that they deserve and I’m glad I gave it. Also, please be very kind because I just finished writing it now and read it through once because I am exhausted and have made only small fixes so if you spot something, just ignore it for now? I’m sorry! xoxo If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work. This is truly the end for this story. I hope you all have loved it as much as I have. I’m sad to see them go. Enjoy!

*The kids will take after Thor and the Asgardian line primarily in looks to keep the reader’s ethnicity flexible. Just consider Thor’s gene’s too strong to be influenced?

Oh man, this never gets any easier for Ben. In fact, each time he has to approach you he gets so nervous that on a few occasions, he’s spontaneously summoned some magic and scared the shit out of you.

The worst it’s ever gotten was that one time he chased you into the corner of an alley and with you crying your eyes out brought you back to him. It always hurts for Ben, those weeks, days, hours, or minutes when you don’t remember being his mom. It always makes him remember the day you first left him. He’d told you goodbye, Dad sitting on your left side, while he and Rosie held onto your soft and withered right hand.

It had been terribly sad to watch you fade away. You’d lived a long life—for a human—and gently drifted to sleep to never wake up again.

Rosie had been inconsolable for weeks and Dad, well, Dad had holed himself up in your shared room. For the next year it was almost as if he weren’t even on Earth. People wondered why Thor hadn’t been seen in a year when he’d been so present all those years before.

The only consolation had been his few friends, those still alive.

Uncle Tony and Aunt Pepper had passed away a few years before as had many of the other human Avengers leaving behind various descendants and an ageless Vision, Bruce—though really, Bruce’s aging is more complicated than Ben ever realized as a kid—Steve, and Bucky.

For that empty year when Dad didn’t know what to do with himself with you gone, Uncle Steve had given him the most comfort. Sometimes Ben had stood outside the door, listening to them talk about everything from missions to funny party memories.

Ben was surprised one day to hear them talking about you. They both sounded very sad and Uncle Steve asked Dad a strange question that for a few very confusing moments, Ben didn’t understand.

“Did she ever do that ear thing with you?” Uncle Steve asks gently, cautious with his query.

Thor huffs a light laugh. “Do you mean that thing where she grabs hold of your earlobe and very softly massaged it in a clockwise motion?”

“Yeah.” Uncle Steve’s voice is lighter, relaxed as the subject doesn’t seem to be off limits.

“You said it had only happened once?” Thor asks, curious.

“Yeah. We only slept together once but I was here in the middle of the night often, to help with Ben. We only crossed that line once, but I held her many times. I…I’m sorry, Thor, if talking about this-?”

“No, no. It’s quite alright. I wasn’t here. Y/N and I did not start well. She told me after Rosie was born that things ran a bit more deeply between you two for a while. I have no one to blame but myself for what transpired. I was the one that left her.”

Ben’s heart pounds as he wonders whether he should be listening at the door to this particular conversation. This isn’t like the others. These aren’t happy memories or funny stories of your time here with them. This is serious and what was Dad’s fault? When the hell had he ever left you?

“You loved her.” Thor acknowledges. “I made that happen.”

“I did love her. Not the way you did. Not as strongly and she never even came close to loving me the way she loved you but you’re right. I was there for her. She needed someone to invest in and I felt so guilty about what I’d said to you that I threw myself at her. I wanted to help.”

“I’m glad that you did. I am glad that she was not truly alone in that time.”

“I miss that ear thing she used to do.” Uncle Steve admits sadly with a gentle fondness in his tone.

“As do I.”

“But you got to live with her Thor. You had her for a long time. For us humans that is.”

Thor sighs heavily. “I know. And I am grateful. She loved me passionately. She gave me two beautiful children. They’re both grown now but I can see her in their eyes. She looks at me through them and chastises me for retreating from the world.”

“Then get out of here. Go outside. Fly to Norway and visit with your people. Or just go to some far-off planet, just get out of this room, Thor. She wouldn’t want you sitting in here moping.”

Ben agrees with Uncle Steve. He loves his dad, but he’s been cooped up in that room too long. He comes down to eat but then he comes back up to mourn.

“I just miss her so much. I miss her voice. I can hear her calling me stubborn and a coward for hiding in here but when I turn to argue she is not there.” Thor pauses for so long that Ben thinks maybe he and Uncle Steve have fallen into one of their famous comfortable silences, but then a sniffle rips the silence. “I lived for fifteen hundred years before I met her but now, I don’t know how to go on living without her.”

Ben’s heart breaks as he hears the hitch in Dad’s voice. He’d seen him cry the day you left them. A few heavy tears accompanied with soft loving smiles as you stared into his blue eyes and then shut them forever. This isn’t that. This is pure, heaving, sobbing.

Dad…

“Thor…” Uncle Steve says gently.

Ben listens to his dad cry for what feels like an hour. The room goes silent after that for a few minutes before heavy feet walk into the bathroom and then back towards the bed where Thor likes to sit.

“Have you told Ben yet?” Uncle Steve asks.

When Dad answers again, his voice is strong again, powerful but soft.

“I only came across the information four months ago. I did not want to bring it up until I was sure.”

“And are you? Will it work?” Uncle Steve asks hopefully.

“I am. There is only one way to know for sure, but all signs point to it working. I will need Ben as I cannot summon the magic required. Rosie is still not strong enough, but Ben has always shown such prowess.”

“He’ll help, Thor. No questions. He’s Ben. He loved Y/N more than anyone.”

Help? Help with what?

Dad laughs, pulling Ben out of his confusion. “Yes. He was always very protective over her. Did I ever tell you about the time he kicked me?”

“No.” Uncle Steve says with a chuckle. “When you first got back?”

“Yes. Y/N began crying, emotional from watching me with Ben and also because she was angry at me for leaving her in the first place and then trying to romance her so quickly.”

There’s that leaving thing again. Ben can only remember you and Dad together. When had he left you?

“Somehow Ben knew that I was the source of her sorrow and he marched straight up to me and kicked my leg. It was piercing. Even at three years old his veins coursed with strength. He was always so careful with her. I could see it in his expression when he was around her, always so gentle and careful in his touch. I had never and have never seen anything like the relationship that she and Ben shared.”

Uncle Steve chuckles once more. “Ben…he was shaped by your absence. I know he doesn’t remember it. He was still a baby, but his heart is shaped around the effect your leaving Y/N had on her. To make up for it, he was always trying to shield her, protect her. He’ll do it, Thor.”

“Shall we ask?” Dad says in a mock whisper. “Come in, son.”

Ben’s cheeks flush in embarrassment as he pushes the door open and smiles in at his dad sheepishly who is indeed standing at the end of the bed, and Uncle Steve who’s sitting in your old armchair leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Hey, Bud.” Uncle Steve says.

“Hey Uncle Steve.” Ben moves inside and stops just past the doorway.

“I have a proposition to pose to you, Ben.” Dad’s looking a little pale.

He’d always had a nice tan and though he still has his full beard and his hair is slightly grown out, he looks smaller somehow without the pride he’d always exuded from having you at his side and it breaks Ben’s heart to see how your absence affects him.

Ben steps further into the room, his own heavy steps making the wooden floor beneath his feet creak.

“What is it, Dad?”

“We’re going to get your mother back.” Dad says and Ben, stunned into silence, just stares at his father as if he’s finally done it.

He’s lost his mind.

“Dad…”

“Wait, hear me out.” Dad rushes to say, and Uncle Steve gets up.

“It’s real, Ben. We can get your mother back.”

“Uncle Steve, how the hell are we supposed to get mom back? I miss her too, Dad, but she’s gone. She died. If we just get out of the house for a little while, you’ll see that things are just as they’re supposed to be.”

“No. Ben, listen…” Dad sighs, his wide but slightly thinner looking shoulders heave.

Uncle Steve moves over to Dad and Dad responds, turning to look at his old friend. Uncle Steve pulls Dad into a hug and the two clap each other’s backs affectionately before pulling apart.

“I’ll leave you to explain. I have to go meet with Howard. Apparently, he’s bringing Ginny over and I promised her a ride in the jet.”

“Of course. Please tell Stark and his daughter hello for me.”

“Benny.” Uncle Steve says, caressing Ben’s right shoulder as he passes then leaves Thor to explain to Ben exactly how they’re going to get you back.

It’s been so many years since he and Dad had begun this process. Sometimes it took years to find you and Ben had learned pretty quickly what the best ways to approach you were.

This time he found you quickly. He observes you on stone park bench nestled amongst flowers and trees, looking immersed in your book.

You’re still very young however, and Ben is always wary about how young he should try and get to you. This is by far the youngest. At eighteen years old, you’ve still got some growing to do.

You look like you, though, and even Rosie can’t seem to wait to get you back.

“Today, right? She’s been eighteen for two months. You’ll do it today, right?” Rosie asks impatiently.

Ben looks down at his sister. She’s beautiful of course, and Dad often says that she looks like Grandma Frigga. Her hair is darker than his own, almost brown with the smallest hints of golden highlights in her long flowing hair. Her eyes are dark, her lips full and pink. She’s slender but strong. Ben knows first hand how hard she can punch.

His sister kicks ass. He knows that, however she’s impatient as hell and sweet. She’s strong, reliable, like Ben remembers you being. Most of all, she’s very loving. Especially with her family. With Dad and himself, Rosie is very protective and clingy at times.

“I don’t want to scare her.” Ben argues.

“Benny, I miss her.” Rosie whines.

“Rosie, this is the youngest we’ve ever found her. I’m sure Dad’ll like it-”

“Yeah, imagine the stamina she’s gonna have.” Rosie says with amusement.

“Rose!”

“What?! Dad never gets any unless Mom’s home. Why do you think he kicks us out for a few months every time we find her?”

“Yeah, I know but…you’re just like Mom! Why do you have to talk about it?”

“Hey, we wouldn’t be here if Mom and Dad didn’t like getting it on.” Rosie points out.

“Rose!”

“Fine, fine. Prude. We’ll see how shy you are about it when you find your one.”

“I’m three-hundred and eighty-four years old, Rosie. If I haven’t found them by now, then I don’t think they exist.”

“What about Patrick? He was pretty sweet.” Rosie offers.

“And he couldn’t handle the whole I live forever thing.” Ben sighs, remembering the redhead fondly.

He’d been such a beautiful man.

“What about Lane?” Rosie asks. “You were with her for forty years.”

“And she left me for a Kree Warrior.” Ben reminds his sister.

“She might come back. Anyway, it took dad almost two thousand years to find Mom, did you think it was gonna be easy?” Rosie teases.

Ben sighs as he continues to watch you, staring at the way your fingers flip the pages of your book and the sparkle in your eyes as you enjoy whatever story you’re reading. When Rosie’s gentle hand takes a soft grip on his hand, Ben tears his eyes away from you to look down at his baby sister.

“You’ll find someone, Ben. We both will. It might just take time. Look at what Mom and Dad go through to be together.”

Ben smiles down at her before looking back at you. “Kinda makes it hard to settle when we have such a clear example of how much two beings can love each other, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t wait, Ben. Mom’s never told you but she’s always sad when we don’t find her when she’s young. She misses him too. She feels the time.”

“What?”

“She told me when you found her in Rome. She hated that she’d gotten married and that she’d missed out on so much time with Dad. Then the cancer came and made their time together shorter. She wants to be with Daddy. Don’t make her wait.” Rosie pleads.

“I’ll do it right now.” Ben assures her.

“Right now, right now?” Rosie asks startled.

“Yes.” Ben tells her firmly. “It’s a miracle we don’t have any half-siblings running around.”

“Maybe not, but Eggy and Lo are more than enough extra family. You notice how only when Mom and Dad meet on their own, that’s when they end up having more kids?”

Ben does find it interesting that Mom and Dad have only had two more kids since she first left them. It’s been almost four hundred years and all they have to show for it is Egil and Lok. Four children. Mom’s always so excited to see everyone together when Ben finds her.

Ben laughs lightly. “Egil hates that nickname. If he hears that you’re still using it, he’ll throw a fit.”

“Well, too bad for him. I like it. And Lo would never tattle on me.”

“Is she at home?”

“No. She left just after you did. You’ve been tailing mom for too long. She gave up. She’ll be back in a few months.” Rosie promises. “If not, I’ll go find her. She promised dad she’d stay close.”

“Good. Mom always likes us together when she wakes up.” Ben begins to move around the shelter of trees the two of them have been hiding in, but Rosie reaches out and stops him.

“I’ll meet you all at home. I can’t bear to watch.”

“Okay. Wish me luck?” Ben asks then watches as Rosie smiles at him and releases his arm, bends her knees slightly, and pushes herself off the ground to fly into the sky.

Damn. Yes, Ben has his magic, but he’d give anything to be able to fly like that.

He waits until Rosie’s out of sight before he slowly, with his heart pounding and his stomach in nervous knots, heads towards his you. He moves at a slow pace, walking casually, with his arms swinging at his sides.

You’re still too busy reading to look up. As he gets closer, Ben can see that you’re smiling. Softly at first but then your smile widens, and you laugh out loud which prompts him to stop a few feet from your bench.

For Ben, it’s amazing to watch you be a woman in your own right with no family to tie you down. No husband to claim you. You’re so free. Sometimes, like right now, it almost makes him hesitate. You have your whole future ahead of you, thousands of possibilities. You could live to have more kids though you never have. You could become a doctor or a lawyer or a writer or maybe even a stunt double.

Dad would say you’re too clumsy to be a stunt double, but Ben has always believed you when you’ve told him that he can do and be anything. Why should the same not apply to you?

He stops beside you, looking down at you as you reach up and bite your thumb’s nail as you read on, chuckling lightly before turning the page.

“May I sit here?” Ben asks you but you don’t seem to hear him. “Excuse me?”

“Hm?” You ask, absentmindedly.

“Is it okay if I sit here?” He asks again, this time leaning down slightly.

“Uh…yeah.” You reply, off-hand and way too distracted to look at him.

“Funny book?” Ben wonders, leaving plenty of space between you.

He doesn’t want to scare you like last time.

“Hm?” Finally, probably just annoyed with the constant interruptions, you look over at him and he watches your eyes scan his face and then the rest of him.

Ben knows what he looks like. He’s not stupid. For most girls here on Earth, Ben is…well, if they’re into guys, Ben’s kind of the dream. Yet, somehow, every time you look at him, it’s like you don’t see him.

“Do I know you?” You suddenly ask him and for a moment Ben’s heart goes into arrest. “You were at that coffee shop last week. Are you stalking me?”

Ben blushes, then laughs nervously because yes, in fact, he has been stalking you for two months.

“No. I-I just moved here. Maybe that’s why-?”

“Oh.” You reply, unconvinced, but not afraid either. “What brings you to the park?”

“I was meeting my sister here. This park is kind of an important place for us. This is where our parents met.”

“Wow. That’s sweet. Is it some big romantic story?” You ask him eagerly, shutting your book and resting it gently on your pink skirt covered lap.

This youngest version of you that he’s found has nothing but pure and positive expectations from the world. He can see the light in your eyes at the prospect of hearing some grand romantic story and it makes Ben smile. He’s always known you were a hopeless romantic, but he’s never seen your heart this fresh. Unbroken by loss and hurt.

“Yeah, actually, it is. My Mom got dumped here by some guy she’d been crushing on and my Dad happened to be walking by when he found her crying. He offered her a handkerchief and then asked her out to get a drink and they were together ever since.” Ben shrugs his left shoulder. “I think they might have broken up for a bit, but they got back together and got married. Had us. Then a few years later,” Yeah, right. More like two hundred years later. “They had my younger siblings and then my mom passed away.”

“Oh…” You sigh, suddenly saddened by the shift of tone. “I’m sorry. You must miss her a lot.”

“I do. She was everything to me. She was my rock. But I think my dad misses her more than I do. He always gets really depressed when she’s not with us.” Ben explains.

He watches your face carefully, looking for the right moment as you listen to his story. And here it comes.

Your expression, saddened by his story of losing his mother, suddenly shifts into confusion.

“When she’s not with you? You make it sound like you can get her back.” You realize.

“Because I can.” Ben says quietly and just as your eyes glaze over with deeper confusion, he reaches out and places his hands on either side of your head.

His soft golden magic flows from the center of his palms and the tips of his fingers wrapping itself around your crown tracing lines that he doesn’t understand fully. He knows it has something to do with your brain but even he doesn’t understand the way this works completely.

You don’t struggle. You don’t move. Your face is frozen in that look of befuddlement as the wind shifts around the two of you, blowing a soft cool breeze that didn’t exist before. As the golden light flows down along your arms and neck, Ben hears you sigh lightly. He pushes himself harder, focusing his magic into the deeper recesses of your mind until that soft golden light is then reflected in your eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” Ben whispers.

He knows it doesn’t hurt be he’s always so scared that something will go wrong. What if he messes it up? What if he’s really stealing your life from you by bringing you back? All these doubts are all that matter in the thirty seconds that it takes for his magic to work its way into your system but when the golden lights fades from your eyes and the veins of magic recede into his hands, Ben forgets them as your eyes shine with pure recognition.

“Ben?” You whisper, searching his familiar face.

“Hey, Mom.” He answers, his beautiful blue eyes spilling over with tears.

“Oh, my baby boy.” You sigh, reaching up to place your hand son the sides of his face.

He’s always larger than you but this time he feels especially big. He’s still tall, slightly shorter than Thor, but wide shouldered, thick arms, long legs with wide thighs. Your boy is massive, and it makes sense seeing as Thor is massive too. His cheeks are covered in rough golden fuzz, a beard still growing in and hiding his squared jaw. His hair is blonde, with darker brown streaks along the thicker patches, flowing in the breeze softly as his peachy skin glistens with the sweat of his effort to use his magic.

“Mom…” Ben cries, placing his right hand over your left. “I missed you so much.”

You slip your arms around his neck and scoot closer as Ben wraps his large arms around your torso softly, always your baby boy is careful not to hurt you. You can feel the hesitation in his hug as he tests his strength around you.

“I feel like it’s been a long time.” You admit and reach up to stroke the back of his head.

Your baby boy is a man. And he has been for a long time. You know this. Every time you see him again for the first time however, it feels new and you want to mourn for the baby boy that you held in your arms, his head cradled against his left shoulder as he clung to you and asked you where his daddy was.

Thor!

“Your father?” You ask him, suddenly eager to see Thor.

Ben pulls back and you reach up to wipe the tears from his cheeks as he pulls your hands down against his lap. “He was at home when I left. I’m not sure where he is now. We should go. He’ll wanna see you.”

Ben gets to his feet and pulls you along, but you yank back on his arm and pull him to a stop. “Wait, wait, wait. What am I wearing?”

You look down at your outfit, a short pink frill skirt which is actually a skort. The shorts part of the skirt extend slightly past the frilly skirt portion which is perfect for a warm spring day. Your shirt is a simple loose white tank top, tucked into the skirt.

“Mom, you know Dad doesn’t give two shits about what you wear.” Ben argues.

“Hey! Language.” You chastise him and Ben laughs. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Just, you’re a lot younger than me right now and it’s funny to hear you tell me to watch my language.”

This brings your attention to the small stature of your body. Or smaller would be the more appropriate word. You do feel a lot younger than you’ve felt with these memories in your head before.

“How old am I, Ben?”

“Your body’s age? Eighteen. This is the youngest we’ve ever found you. Should I have waited a few years?” Ben asks, unsure and clearly worried he’s made a mistake.

“No!” You protest, fear gripping your heart. “No, sweet pea, this is great. It’s perfect.”

“Mom,” Ben whines. “Do you really have to call me that? I’m super old!”

“So what? You are my sweet pea. I pushed you out, I will call you what I want.” You argue but despite his complaining, Ben is smiling.

“Come on, let’s go home. Dad’ll be so happy.” Ben says excitedly as a golden portal opens before you through which you can see a large modern home with brown wood and gray stone accents.

You can still kind of see the old structure, your small bungalow where you’d raised Ben and Rosie with Thor, through the uplifted house. When Eggy and Lo had come, you and Thor had added to the house, making it big for all six of you though Ben and Rosie had their own lives and came and went as they pleased. It had been nice to have a house with babies again.

Thor had been so happy.

“I bet he will.” You reply, taking note of your much younger body.

“Mom, you know I mean for you remembering, not how young you are.” Ben assures you, reading you well.

Just like Thor, Ben can always read you.

“Whatever.” You wave away his assurance but then reach forward to grab his large hand. “Let’s just go. I can’t wait to see him.”

Ben takes your hand, softly squeezing it as he pulls you through the portal.

“Dad?” Ben calls out as you follow him into the large house.

The entry way is still the same only slightly larger. The dining room to the right had been expanded, the kitchen also given a facelift and more counter space, but you can still see your small kitchen at the center, where you and Thor had reconciled after he’d been gone those first four years of Ben’s life.

Your ears and neck burn as you remember him pressed between your legs, sweating, panting, eager to be inside of you almost as much as you were to have him there.

“You okay?” Ben asks you, turning to give you a look.

“Hm?” You clear your throat, this body, young as it is and flooded with hormones makes that memory vivid. “Yeah, I’m great.”

You giggle stupidly, overcome with what your body is making you feel as opposed to the sensible woman’s memories you have.

“Mom…?” Ben stops, grabbing your hand a little tighter, knowing you’re not being completely honest.

“It’s just…this body is really young. I forgot what it feels like to be this hormonal.” You admit feeling a little embarrassed to be admitting this to your baby boy of all people.

“Oh.” Ben replies, blushing under his beard. “Right. Let’s get you to dad.”

He releases your hand and ignores the large living room to your left and instead bounds up the widened stairs taking them three at a time before disappearing down the longer and wider hallway. Your room and the balcony are still the same, and Ben’s old room had been made into a small office for you to work in a long time ago while the kids all had rooms on the opposite side now. Four decently sized rooms that none of them stayed in for more than a few months at a time.

You wander into the living room, ignoring the large TV display on the far wall and the new seats that had obviously been purchased after the last time you’d left them. You turn towards the nearer wall, the one adjacent to the stairs where picture upon picture hangs of you and your family at different times in your life.

There’s one from your first one with them. This is the largest one at the center with you and Thor sitting on your old sofa with a five-year-old Ben on Thor’s lap while you cradle a one-year old Rosie. The four of you look so happy and you remember that day so clearly. Your heart aches from the happiness you can remember feeling with them and your poor young heart can’t take it, never having felt that kind of ache before.

It makes you cry. You sniffle and reach up to wipe your tears, but they continue to fall as your eyes pass over picture after picture of you, Thor, Ben and Rosie through the years, then two more beautiful babies appear—Eggy with a full head of blonde hair but Lo, your youngest girl, has stark raven hair which Thor had explained might be his fault. His sister Hela had raven hair—and slowly they grow in each photo until they’re beautiful adults too.

“Mom?” Ben’s voice interrupts.

You reach up and try to wipe your tears away quickly, but you know he’s already seen you.

“Mom? Are you okay?” He moves towards you slowly, careful and gentle in his approach.

Smiling at him, you nod. “Of course. I’m just…so happy to be back. I missed all of you so much.”

And your stupid young heart breaks a little as you remember leaving them the last time. You sob a little and Ben crosses the room to you in two large steps to wrap you up in his arms.

You hug him back, your hands splayed out along his back. He’s so huge.

“Why did you have to grow?”

Ben laughs. “I’m so happy you’re home, Mom. I never feel right unless I know you’re here.”

He leans down and kisses the top of your head but holds you for another five minutes, the two of you staring at the pictures on the wall.

“I’m gonna go check the compound. See if Dad’s hanging out with Uncle Steve.”

You pull back in slight shock, happy to hear that Steve is still around. “You’re Uncle’s still alive?”

Ben nods. “It’s only been forty years, Mom.”

Oh, right. It always feels like so much more time when you wake up. “Right.”

“He’s got some grays though.” Ben says, highly amused by this fact. “Just around the temples. He’s really self-conscious about it. You should ask him about them when you see him.”

You chuckle as Ben pulls away and nod. “I’ll do that.”

Graying Steve, cute.

“I’ll be back.” He promises. “Please, don’t go far?”

“I promise.”

Ben turns and runs out the front door leaving you to your house.

You wander the house slowly and take in all the smaller changes. A chair here a table there. New throw pillows, a few new pictures. The fridge is, as always, completely stocked with food. As is the pantry. The dishes haven’t been done, which makes you sigh heavily.

“Welcome home, Y/N.” You smile despite the mess and quickly wash the two plates and glasses.

As you wash them, you can’t help but wonder who might have been eating this morning. It wasn’t Ben since he’d been looking for you. It could be Lo, Eggy, or Rosie. Still, even though you know that the odds of the person having breakfast with Thor is more than likely one of your kids, you can’t help the sudden lurch of jealousy as you wonder if maybe he might have found himself someone?

Even after all this time, you still worry that he might find someone else. What if he gets lonely waiting for you? You wouldn’t blame him, but you’d be lying if you pretended like it wouldn’t hurt.

“Stop being stupid, Y/N.” You dry your hands on a towel and wander upstairs to your room.

You stop just inside and give the room a look over. Everything is still exactly the same. Your vanity looks the same as the day you left them and has been well dusted. The sheets, though different in stile, are still light blue. Your pillow is untouched and the same pictures of just you and Thor rest on his bedside table and the dressers and decorative shelves around the room.

Feeling emotional, you move to your vanity and look down at your hairbrush. It’s the only thing out of place and you know that it’s probably because Thor has been holding it.

“Sometimes I come up here and I sit and hold your hairbrush. It still smells like you, even after all this time.”

“Isn’t that kinda creepy?” You tease Thor and he smiles that wide goofy smile you love, his blue eyes shining adoringly up at you from his seated spot on your bed.

“Perhaps it is, but I miss you so much when you’re gone that it’s the only thing that keeps me going some days. The kids take turns staying with me to make sure I’m not lonely though they really do not have to, but they cannot be with me all the time. I miss you the most then. When the parts of you that you passed to our children are beyond my reach.”

“I miss you too, puppy.” You sigh, gently stroking the handle of the brush.

You move towards the balcony doors, they’d been replaced with full glass French doors instead of your old sliding ones when the renovations to add rooms had been done which is nice. You don’t have to open the doors anymore to get a look outside.

Maybe you’re too wrapped up in your own memories, but you don’t hear the door downstairs open. You don’t hear the heavy footsteps that make their way up along the stairs. What you do finally hear is a slight gasp from behind you.

“Hey,” The deep booming voice says. “Who are you and why are you in my bedroom?”

You can’t blame him for not recognizing you. Thor has never seen you this young before. It only makes you smaller than him and less recognizable. You turn to look at him and nearly faint at the beauty before you. How the hell does he look better and better with age? Sure, he doesn’t exactly age the way everyone else does, but his full beard, his furrowed brow, his wide chest, his peachy tanned skin, those well-filled jeans, that white over worn t-shirt, and that dark blue jacket all only serve to make him look like the God among mortals that he is.

As you turn to face him, his expression softens. You can see his entire body visibly fall slightly, relaxing as he loses all the tension he’d been holding. His brow softens and disbelief settles into his eyes as he moves slowly towards you, taking careful steps as his hands swing limply at his sides.

You’ve forgotten how to breathe. How the hell does he still have this effect on you? After so much time, after all the fights and all the distance, after every death, after every insecurity, and after all the lives spent living together, how does he still manage to take your breath away?

“Are you really here?” He asks, uncertain. “This is not a dream?”

He’s so close now that you can feel the heat radiating off of his body. As he finally reaches you, he doesn’t hesitate as he places his left hand on your hip and then trails it back to rest on the curve of your bottom. You sigh heavily, overcome with pleasure, relief, and a powerful thirst for him.

He wraps that arm around your waist then hooks his hand under your thigh as he ducks down and lifts you up into his arms. You respond instinctively, wrapping your legs around his waist as he lifts you to bring you up closer to his level.

“Tell me this is real.” He pleads, almost near tears.

Placing your hands on either side of his face to scratch at the scruff of his beard, you smile and lean down until your lips meet his.

He responds hungrily, pulling you tighter against him as his mouth moves with yours eagerly, slipping his tongue into your mouth in a fervor as he steps back until his knees hit the bed and he sits himself down.

You kiss him until you’re both out of breath and when he pulls away, he stares up at you, his large hand slipping down along your spine making you shiver as he stares past you and into your soul.

“My dove…” He whispers.

“I’m here, puppy.” You reply.

He brings his hand down, resting it on your bottom as he suddenly swings you around towards his left until he’s got you settled on the center of the bed, pleasantly sandwiched between soft mattress and his hard, heated body.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He admits, reaching up to trace the line of your cheeks and jaw.

“Show me.” You whisper, reaching up with soft fingers to caress the curve of his ear while you lift your right leg and gently press against the flesh of his hips with your knee.

Thor doesn’t even hesitate. He’s pulling back, tugging your pink skort off quickly followed by your undies which he tosses onto the floor before stripping his jacket, shirt, and jeans off. In less than thirty seconds he’s got you both naked and he settles himself over you once more.

You spread your legs for him, giving him room to lay between them as his hands gently palm your breasts. Very quickly he abandons touching them in favor of tasting them, wrapping each perked bud with wet lips. He traces circles around your nipples, sucking softly as his hands trace the curves of your body, worshipping each bend and shift.

You’re breathing raggedly, trying hard to contain yourself because this body has never experienced love like this before. You suddenly realize what’s going to happen when all of a sudden it does.

You gasp loudly, shaking your head as the pain of a first shocks your system. Thor freezes at the sound of your pain and pulls back, his eyes frenzied with worry as he looks down at your arms and torso.

“I’ve hurt you, where?” He gasps, looking for a break but that’s not where your pain is.

You look down at where your hips are joined, he’s still buried within you, pushed too far in too quickly. His girth has spread you and you can feel yourself pulsating around him as his rod only grows harder. You’re so wet that he slid in easily. Damn these hormones!

He follows your gaze and startles at the small stain of blood.

“Oh.” He realizes and begins to extricate himself from you but freezes when you gasp again and grip his shoulders hard.

“No.” You plead.

“I’m sorry.” Thor gasps. “I’m-”

With wide eyes, he looks at you as your body begins to shake. You can’t help yourself. You’re laughing and you’re laughing hard.

You can feel Thor relax against you, still within you.

“What is so funny?” He demands, only slightly annoyed.

“I just…I mean, shit, this again?” You hate that you’re a virgin again.

All of the other times you had already been with men before meeting Thor.

“Should we stop?” Thor asks, gently caressing your cheek. “I do not wish to hurt you.”

“This is going to hurt whether we do it now or later.”

Thor frowns, hating that this reunion is not turning out to be as perfect as he had probably been imagining.

“I’m sorry, puppy, I’m just…this body is really young.”

Thor suddenly pulls back. “How young?”

“Not that young. Don’t worry.” You laugh again as he relaxes. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I’m sorry that I did not approach this more gently.” He blushes.

He’d been so eager to make love to you he’d just rammed himself in without waiting for you to give him the go-ahead.

“Don’t be.” You whisper and pull on his ears to bring him down closer. “I like when you’re a little rough with me.”

Thor grins at you, his cheeks blazing red now, and his hard shaft suddenly twitches making you shiver. He sees your quiver and leans down to kiss your lips softly. He trails those open-mouthed kisses down along your jaw to your neck where he bits on the skin and nibbles salaciously, licking at the salty skin.

Shutting your eyes, you moan, and prepare your body for a fight. A quick one you hope. You want to enjoy him soon.

“Fuck me, puppy.” You plead with him and he pulls back to narrow his eyes down at you.

“Are you sure?”

“Please…” You beg.

Thor meets your mouth with his own again, muffling your groan as he finally pulls his hips back a bit and then once again roughly rams himself into you.

It hurts. It hurts a lot, but you don’t care. You want to get the pain over with. You want to enjoy being with Thor already. You’ve waited so long and so has he. You can feel it in the way he thrusts, his arms constricted around you, his hand fisting the sheets by your head as he tries to contain himself but also give it to you. He starts thrusting hard and slow at first. Then he shifts into faster pumps, moving himself a little less while he grinds himself down against you as his mouth explores your body.

The pain never really leaves this time. It hurts but as he moves closer to you, rubbing his V-cut pelvis down against your nub, pleasurable pressure begins to build.

You force your mind to focus on that instead of the pain and soon the pain becomes an afterthought.

“Yes…” You mean into his ear and Thor responds with a growl as he realizes that you’re actually enjoying yourself.

“How do you want me?” He asks you, eager to please you but you can hear by the strain in his voice that he’s close too.

“Hold me.” That’s what you want most.

You want to be in his arms, where you belong.

Thor obliges, suddenly stopping to your disappointment but only so that he can sit back on the bed to pull you down onto his lap. He wraps both of his arms around you, slowing down for a moment so that he can hook his hand behind your neck to pull you down for one long, loving kiss. As he breaks it, he brings his left hand down to grab a fistful of your bottom’s flesh and then he pulls you towards him hard.

You moan loudly and Thor’s eyes sparkle with joy.

“Shh.” He chuckles. “Ben and Rosie are not far.”

You struggle against a smile but as Thor pulls you towards him again, harder, your smile falls as you shut your eyes and bite down hard on your lip.

“I’ll bite that for you.” Thor tells you and he mashes his lips to your own, his teeth grazing against your lip before he tongues your mouth deeply effectively muffling your moans as he drags you against him harder and harder, faster as he buries himself deep with in you over and over.

You and Thor have made love in many ways, many situations, many places, but it has never been this needy or rough. He pulls you against him harshly, as if he can’t get enough of your skin against his own. His groans are guttural and unrestrained though quiet as your hands grip his shoulders tightly and your nails dig into his skin.

You both want it so much that as he pulls you against himself his body is shaking; his arms are bulging. You can see the veins in his forearms press against his beautiful skin as he struggles to both get you there and hold off for himself.

“Come for me, my dove.” He pleads as you shut your eyes and throw your head back, finally tightening your legs around his waist to hold yourself nearer.

He pull you against him four more times, each pull burying his rod deeper within you until he stops, groaning deeply as his heat floods you and his body sizzles around yours, shocking you with that scorching blue electricity.

You gasp in shock but it’s all you needed to push you over the edge and your own body explodes with your climax, washing you with blinding glow. You cry out, moaning aloud but luckily Thor’s own orgasm is on its way out and he has the sense to pull you down to kiss him so that he can swallow your moan with his own.

Your two bodies, still connected, collapse sideways onto the bed. Thor tightens his arms around you, feeling you over with his large, warm, and calloused hands. You know that he’s memorizing your new curves, the softs folds of your body as you stare into his blue eyes, memorizing his glorious face again.

There have been times before this when you and Thor hadn’t even spoken upon seeing each other again. Making love when you were reunited is not new, but this level of connection is. Something small is different and you’re not sure what it is. Maybe it only feels new because you’re so young this time? Whatever the change is, this has been the best reunion sex so far and judging by the smirk on Thor’s lips, he must be thinking the same thing.

The reflection staring back at you is disconcerting. Not that you don’t like being young again, but to have your memories and experiences and to know that this body has experienced so little feels strange.

Thor had successfully claimed your body again and although it's still aching from his intense loving, when he comes up behind you and places his hand on your left shoulder, your hormones respond readily.

You lean back, shutting your eyes and humming lightly as his fingers trace the skin of your shoulder. Slowly he wraps his arm right arm around your torso, bending over so that he can slip it under your bust as he reaches around the back of your head to guide your head back so that he can lean down and kiss you.

His lips are warm, soft as they move against yours to the quiet sound of smacking lips and the faintest groan of enjoyment.

“Thor…” You interrupt and he ignores you, shaking his head as he pulls his right arm up a bit more, squishing you back against the chair and his chest.

“No.” He complains, deepening his kiss.

You know how he feels. You just want to wrap yourself in him. You want to kiss him until your lips are raw and chapped and have him hold you tight against his chest until you can’t breathe. You want him to devour you and you want to devour him right back.

Laughing against his lips you pull back forcefully. He tries to hold you in place a few more seconds but when you continue to pull against his hold he groans and lets you pull back a little.

“They’re waiting downstairs.” You remind him.

“We don’t need them. We can make more.” He offers, wiggling his eyebrows at you as he begins to lean in again.

“Thor!” You complain, laughing loudly. “We have time. And Rosie’s going to kill you if she hears you talking about not needing her.”

Thor groans again but keeps moving towards you only to rest his forehead against the side of your head. “Will you tell on me?”

“No. But only if we go down right now.”

“But you’re mine. I do not want to share you yet.”

“Thor…”

“Fine! Alright. Come on before I change my mind. It’s time for dinner anyway.” Thor stands up straight and fixes the steel blue button up shirt he’d put on before moving towards the door and without waiting for you walks out.

You watch him go, smiling from ear to ear because you know he’s only throwing a fit because he wants to be with you alone. However, your children are waiting, and you miss them so much too.

With the thought of seeing your other three children, you get up, pin your hair back, and straighten your flowing, sheer navy floral dress, the pink blossoms soft and pleasant.

As you move out of the room and move to head down the stairs, you’re tackled gently by a wide chest pressed against your back—through which you can feel a heavy thumping—and large beefy arms enclosed around you. The embrace is gentle but full of desire and you very nearly cave and drag Thor back into your bedroom.

Because you know that you can’t do that, you lean back against him and chuckle.

“It’s getting harder and harder, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Thor says deeply, his voice rumbling in his chest and into yours. “I have some news.”

“Good news?” Thor shakes his head.

“I’m not sure.”

You turn in his arms to look up at him. “What is it?”

“Later. As you said, my dove; we have time.”

Now you’re worried however, and you don’t budge as you stare up into Thor’s face with that worry plain on your face. He’s so much taller than you right now. You know you’ve still got a little growing to do but damn him for being so huge. No, you don’t budge until Thor himself places his large hands on your shoulders and turns you around slowly until you’re facing the stairs then leads you down them slowly.

Your feet have barely touched the lower landing when you’re suddenly wrapped up in two thin arms. The air around you is suddenly awash in the crisp scent of strawberries, linen, and ocean breeze but you know this body well and you wrap your arms around your little girl. You have to reach up a little higher than normal to hug her. Your girl is tall thanks to Thor.

“Rosie,” You gush as Rosie cries against your shoulder.

“Oh, Mom!” She cries. “You’re so much smaller.”

She sobs and you embrace her gently, rubbing her back with your hands and enjoy her in your arms. You only get a good five seconds before she’s pulling back to look at you.

“Well? Did you enjoy her, Daddy? Look at her.” Rosie teases.

“Rose!” You chastise your daughter who laughs at her own joke.

“I told Ben that he’d be happy.”

“Of course, I am happy. I have my wife back. No matter what state her body is in or how old she has become. I will love her always.” Thor reaches down to grab hold of your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.

Your heart swells about four sizes as you listen to Thor’s sweet words and watch your two eldest, Rosie holding tight to Ben’s hand as she leans against his arm, also appreciating the sight of you and Thor the way you appreciate looking at them.

“But you’re right, Rose. I did enjoy her.” Thor adds, reaching back to pinch your butt making you jump.

“Thor!” You complain as he laughs heartily then moves into the dining room and then the kitchen.

“I’ll get dinner started!” He declares and disappears from sight.

Rosie is laughing her head off, tossing her blonde head back as she enjoys the sounds of an almost full family at home. Ben shakes his head, shutting his eyes as if trying to shut the image of Thor pinching your bottom out of his head.

“Dad!” Ben calls out and moves after Thor probably eager to yell at him for pinching you.

You slide over to Rosie, reaching down to take hold of her hands before pulling them up to your lips to kiss them.

“Come on, Momma. Let’s let the men cook.” She pulls you over to the sofa and pulls you down beside her before resting her head on your lap.

She fixes her hair so that she’s not laying on it but cuddles in against your legs. You know what she wants, and you smile as you run your hands through her hair, scratching her scalp softly.

“Mmmmmm.” She purrs, relishing in the comfort. “I missed you so much, Mom.”

“Oh, bunny, I missed you too.” You lean down to kiss her head quick then continue to stroke her hair. “Where are your brother and sister?”

You want to see Lo and Egil too, why are they never home when you get back?!

“Lo left shortly after Ben went to look for you and Eggy’s been gone for almost a year. He checks in every few weeks, but he hasn’t stayed for a while. I’m gonna go get them tomorrow. I’m sorry, Mom. I know you like everyone here when you wake up.”

You sigh heavily, settling back against the sofa more comfortably as you wish your two younger children were more homebodies than your two eldest as you see them less.

“As long as they’re safe, that’s all that matters.” You explain but Rosie can hear your sadness

“They didn’t think we'd find you this fast, Mom. We never do. This time it was kind of like you wanted us to find you.”

“Yeah, it kind of felt like that when Ben found me in the park. Your dad and I met there, you know?”

“I know.” Rosie smiles. “Do you really love Daddy this much, Mom? To keep doing this over and over?”

“Oh, bunny, yes. Your father and all of you. I would gladly suffer a million deaths if it means that I can find you again. Nothing can change that.”

“And I think Daddy would wait a million years for you to find him.” Rosie admits, grinning up at you angelically as she contemplates this bond that you and Thor have.

“Mmmm.” Ben hears you whisper.

He’s almost asleep but he’s still very aware of your falling and rising stomach, his head nestled against it as he dozes off slowly. He can feel Rosie beside him, on your other side, where she’s no doubt stolen his favorite spot on your left shoulder. She’s got her arms wrapped underneath your bust, cuddling close against you probably inhaling your scent.

Ben finds it a little odd how you always turn out the same. You already have the same smell and although you’re not the right shape yet, you’re still you. You’re always you eventually and today, this time for some reason it seems like you’re you more quickly than ever before.

Sometimes it takes a day or two but today it was so instant. Though he won’t admit it to anyone, especially you or Dad, he’s worried that maybe it means something is changing.

Is for the better? Or does it mean something’s going wrong?

“What are you moaning about? We have not got to that part of the night yet.” Thor’s voice whispers back.

Ben’s head is softly jostled up and down as you laugh, beautiful popping bubbles of amusement slipping through your lips.

“Thor, shut up.” He hears you chastise Thor and the deep chuckle as Thor laughs too.

Ben’s lips involuntarily curve upwards at the corners, happy and pleased to hear your banter.

“I’m just full.” You explain. “Those steaks were so good, puppy.”

“I’m glad. I put extra care into each steak. Those mashed potatoes were a bit lumpy. Your son was distracted.”

“Oh, so he’s my son when his mashed potatoes are lumpy?”

Thor chuckles again and you follow suit. “Yes. He’s your son when he makes lumpy potatoes and he’s my son when he takes down an entire Hydra facility on his own.”

You suddenly stop laughing, “They’re back?”

“We cannot seem to keep them down. They are like an infestation. It’s as if we eradicate them and then they reappear a few years later.”

There’s a heavy silence but then when you speak again, your voice is light and full of pride.

You’re impressed. “He really took down an entire facility on his own?”

“Yes. Our son is quite extraordinary.” Thor’s voice is also beaming with pride and Ben feels his chest warm that he’s making both of you so proud. “I am so terrified when he and Rosie come with us on missions. They leave my sight and all I can see is that three-year-old toddler in my reworked cape, pretending he’s flying, kicking me in the leg for making you cry.”

“Oh, puppy.” Ben can almost picture you stroking the left side of his father’s face.

“And Rosie, remember when she’d come into our room in tears? Clutching that teddy bear, all ripped and re-stitched because Ben kept pulling on it too hard?”

“I remember.” You assure Thor. “But they’re not babies anymore.”

“I know. I just worry.”

“But you’re right, the mashed potatoes were lumpy.” You relent and he feels the bed shake as both you and Thor burst into silent chuckles.

Ben doesn’t know how to begin to explain the joy that your laughter accompanied by his father’s makes him feel.

Ben hates to admit it, but he had been distracted when making those potatoes. He’d been listening to you and Rosie laugh in the living room, wishing he could be there with you. He’d missed you so much. And it’s true that Dad had indeed paid extra attention to cooking your food. He always does when you’re home.

Today he’d pulled no punches with his honey and bourbon glaze and his salted lemon veggies. He knows you enjoy his cooking so when you’re here, he pours his heart into it.

“What about our other two delinquents?”

“Don’t call my daughter a delinquent. She is an angel. And Egil-Egil’s helping the Xandarians with some viral outbreak.” Thor argues though Ben has a hundred stories to prove him wrong.

“Fine. Egil’s an angel but Lo broke into the Stark vault and stole Tony’s old armor, Thor. Come on.”

“She was only curious.”

“She was eight.” You say half-laughing, picturing your beautiful girl who apparently looks a lot like her disowned Aunt Hela.

“That is besides the point. My Lo is nothing but the purest of Goddesses.”

“We named her after Loki. We should have known that she’d be a troublemaker.” You whisper but Ben can hear the fondness in your voice.

“He would have loved her. She would have made him laugh.” Thor admits, sounding slightly sad talking about Ben’s uncle.

“Hey, what was that thing you wanted to talk to me about?” You suddenly ask Thor.

“What? Oh, no. Nothing. We should not talk about it right now. We’re together.” Ben feels his father’s large hand press against the top of his head, soft caresses to his hair. “Another time.”

“Thor…”

“It will keep for another time, my dove. Not now. I just want to enjoy you and our little ones.” Ben smiles at the term of endearment because he and his siblings are not little anymore.

“Thor, I can’t, you know I can’t stand waiting. Just tell me.”

“Y/N…”

“Please?” Your voice hitches as you beg, and Ben knows immediately that Thor will cave.

That voice of yours, especially with you being so young, the fear in it almost makes Ben sit up to cuddle you so that he can maybe chase away whatever is making you sound like that, but he pushes it down as Thor’s hand disappears from the top of his head and probably moves over to land on your cheek as he offers you comfort this time.

Rosie also seems to respond to the distress in your voice because Ben feels her shift beside you, and she groans lightly.

You and Thor freeze and after a long minute of silence Thor sighs heavily.

“It is not good news.” Thor whispers even more quietly than before.

“Shit, what, Thor?”

“I…I have failed you. I have failed our children. I have failed us.”

“What are you talking about, baby? What?” You demand, close to tears as you respond to sorrow in Thor’s voice.

“I cannot, no matter how much searching I do, find a way to keep you with me. I want you forever but the only options that I have come across are two that I am unwilling to expose you to. If we tried a scientific serum like the one that Steve took, we might extend your life, but it could bring other problems. It is a volatile science that might raise consequences that I will not chance, that might change you forever.”

“Then we don’t-”

“There are the Infinity Stones but never, I will never bring you close to them. They are even more dangerous than a serum. They are out of the question.”

Ben feels your stomach fall as you exhale suddenly, deeply, as you relax. “Thor…you scared me. Is that seriously what you’re worried about?”

“I promised you that I would find a way to make you immortal, so that I would never have to leave you again, but I have not been able to. I have failed you.”

“Ugh, I could kiss you, you big hunky meatheaded fool.”

Ben hears some smacking, obviously you are kissing his Dad and so as not to interrupt he keeps as still as possible.

“I’m hunky?” Thor asks, his voice hitching as you laugh.

“Of course, that’s the only part you hear. You know I love you.”

“And you obviously think I’m the best-looking man in the universe.”

“You already knew that, dummy.”

“I know.” And like a switch, Thor’s voice switches back. “Please, tell me that you forgive me for failing.”

“Thor, you didn’t fail. We knew that idea was always a long shot. It’s not something that I ever really expected. That first life with you was such a blessing and then when you brought me back, I thought I was dreaming. You and Ben, what you did for me, for us—we are so lucky to have had so much time together since. It’s more than any of us thought possible. So, I don’t get to live forever, so what? I’m here, aren’t I?”

“What if something goes wrong? What if some day we can’t find you? What if restoring your memories doesn’t work? What if-?”

“Thor, Thor, stop. Baby-” You sigh deeply, your stomach rising and dropping once again. “We can’t waste time thinking about the possibilities of what might happen if one day things don’t work out. We need to appreciate the time that we have together now. I don’t want to contemplate a future where you and I aren’t together. I just want to be with you and our babies, right now. Here. In this bed. Can’t we just be together in this moment?”

“Do you not think about the possibility of our time together coming to an end?”

“Of course, I do. Thor, yes. I do. Every time I wake up, I think about the fact that maybe you got tired of waiting for me and found someone else to love. I think about the possibility that too many years pass, and you might not love me like this anymore. I know that every time I die, I might not come back but I don’t like thinking about it Thor because every time that I wake up and I’m here with you again, I just count myself lucky that I found you again. So, yes, I think about it, but I don’t want to. Can we just not think about it? I don’t want to think about it.”

Ben can hear your voice strain against the rising insecurities that he didn’t even know you felt. He knows now, after prying some more since overhearing Uncle Steve and Dad talk about you as if they both knew you intimately, that things hadn’t begun easily for you and Thor. In fact, Thor had made some pretty big mistakes and you’d spent some time in a short relationship with Uncle Steve.

“Alright, I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Thor hurries in a hushed whisper, and Ben feels him shift closer as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest. “Forgive me.”

Ben can hear you sniffling as you sob softly. He really wants to punch Thor for making you cry but he knows that this is a conversation that Dad had been meaning to have with you and this conversation also has Ben thinking. Thinking hard. What can he do to help?

As your sobbing evens out, and Ben feels more awake than before, he hears a soft hum as Thor kisses you again.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s have more babies.”

You suddenly laugh, louder than you intend because Thor shushes you in amusement.

“More babies?” You ask, lowering your voice again into a whisper.

“When we had Ben and Rosie, I took your first time, remember?”

“Yeah.”

Ben shuts his eyes tight. He really doesn’t need to know about Dad taking your virginity.

“And when we had Lo and Egil, you had not been touched then too.”

“That was also the only time that Ben didn’t find me first.” You recall.

“That is true. I found you in that garden by that church, freshly left at the altar.”

“Gee, thanks for reminding me.”

“A blessing to bring us together, my dove.”

“Tell that to my poor broken heart.”

“Did I not mend it?”

“Yeah. You did. If that’s true though, if you finding me and us having kids is somehow tied together, then obviously we can’t this time.”

“Why not?”

“Because you didn’t find me this time. Ben found me, in our old park.”

Thor’s silence is loaded.

“What? Why are you smiling at me like that?” Ben hears you ask, a small uncertain laugh in your voice.

“I uh…I actually did find you first, but I kept my distance. It was about six months ago. But when I saw you, you were so young that I thought maybe you deserved a few more years to grow into yourself? I didn’t want to rob you of your youth, so I kept my eye on you but at a distance.”

“Stalker.” You tease.

Thor chuckles. “I did stalk you, I’m sorry. But you are my wife.”

“So, Ben didn’t know that you found me?”

“No. He found you two months ago on his own. I’m not sorry he brought you back to me. I’m liking this body.”

“Hey!” You chastise him. “Down, big man. Keep your hands to yourself until these kiddos are in their own beds.”

Thor growls. “They’ll never leave us alone.”

You chuckle and Ben smiles, despite the disturbing imagery, he likes that the two of you always seem to find your way back to each other.

“You just asked me for more.” You laugh again.

“Well, having babies with you is one of my favorite things to do.” Thor assures you.

“You mean making them is one of your favorite things to do.”

“Should we have more?” Thor asks.

“Don’t you want more?”

There are two loud smack and Thor’s hand grazes Ben’s shoulder as he slips it around your waist.

“Should we get started right now?”

“Thor, I will kill you if you don’t stop touching me with these babies in my bed!”

Thor growls again but then falls into silence as Ben also drifts off to sleep.

It can’t have been more than an hour later when Ben slowly opens his eyes to the dimly lit room. Slow, heavy breathing fills the silence as Ben sits himself up to look over the large bed. You’re right at the center, Thor spooned up behind you, his face buried against the back of your neck. Rosie is still laying in your arms but loosely. It’ll be easy to get her up.

With a new determination, Ben pulls himself up off of the bed so easily and lightly he doesn’t jostle the bed. He reaches over to shake Rosie awake.

“Wake up.”

“Ugh…what?” Rosie groans, swatting at his hand before turning away from him.

Ben bites his lip and squats down beside his sister. “Shh. Keep your voice down or you’ll wake up Mom and Dad. Get up, we need to go.”

“Go where? Let me sleep.”

“We’re gonna go find a way to make mom immortal.”

Ben watches Rosie’s form as his words sink in and after a silent moment, Rosie lowers the arm she’s got pressed against her eyes and stares up at her brother’s face.

“Are you serious?”

“You wanna see her die again?”

“Of course, I don’t!” Rosie exclaims in a harsh emotional whisper.

“Then come on.” Ben turns and heads out of the room and down the stairs to grab his coat the slips it on over his white t-shirt.

“Where are we going?” Rosie asks, following him down and pulling her own jacket on looking exhausted.

“The compound. We’ll get our suits on and then head out.”

“Okay, but to where?”

“The only place I can think of that Dad hasn’t already tried.”

“And where’s that exactly? He’s been scouring the Universe for years trying to find a way to make mom live forever.”

“Asgard.”

“What? Don’t be stupid Ben, you heard Dad, Asgard was destroyed by Hela.”

“That doesn’t mean there’s nothing left.”

“He said it exploded. And we don’t even know where it’s at. Dad’s never taken us there because it’s too painful for him to go back.”

“We have to try, Rose.” Ben growls at her. “Are you going to come with me or not?”

“Of course, I’m coming with you. Mom would kill me if I didn’t try and stop you and since I’m not going to try and do that, I’m gonna be there to at least watch your back.”

“Good. Then Asgard it is.” Ben says with finality as he summons his portal to keep from opening the front door and possibly alerting you and Dad of his plans.

“Mom? Mommy?”

You stir, groaning as you shift on your bed, the massive warm body normally beside you absent. Thor’s been on mission for two days and you hate it when he’s gone but finally, after four glasses of wine, you’d finally fallen asleep.

“Nnggggg,” You wine. “No!”

There’s a small giggle and more shaking to your shoulder. “Mommy, wake up.”

“Oh, no, my little girl is not trying to wake me up on a day when she knows I have trouble going to sleep to begin with.” You whine.

“Mom, being this dependent on Daddy is not exactly healthy.”

“I’m not dependent. I just miss him.” You explain as you open your eyes to find Rosie sitting on your bedside.

Startled by the sight of her in her sleek, deep plum Kevlar Avengers uniform, you sit up straighter.

“What is it? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I just-I need you to come downstairs. Ben’s waiting for you.”

“Ben? What’s wrong? What’s happened?!” You ask, in panic already at the idea of something having happened to your baby boy.

“Nothing, Momma.”

“Hey. When’d you get back?” A slightly more even toned voice drifts in from your doorway and Rosie turns to look towards it.

Standing in your bedroom doorway is your youngest, petite with long raven hair that reaches her waist, pale peach skin, and dark eyes wide with surprise at finding her older sister on your bed.

“Just now.”

“We got a fight?”

“No, Lo. I’m just getting Mom downstairs. Ben’s gonna take her somewhere.”

“You mean-?”

“Yeah. Dad’s in Wakanda helping them out with some unsanctioned visitors from Ankara. Can you go tell him that we’ll need him home?”

“Is it gonna work?” Lo asks, a hopeful yet pained hitch in her voice.

“I don’t know, Lo.”

“What are you two talking about?” You ask suspiciously, staring at your daughters in turn.

“Nothing, Mom. Come on, get up and get dressed. Something simple. Just some jeans and a shirt. Ben’s waiting.”

Rosie turns back towards the door and hurries to usher Lo away and down the stairs.

“Finally?” Lo asks excitedly.

“Will you shut it? You’ll scare Mom.”

“I’m sorry, I just want her back and-”

You don’t get to hear what else Lo wants as they head down the stairs, but your curiosity is peaked. You move into your bathroom to wash your face then pick out a pair of plain light blue jeans, a navy t-shirt, tucked in, and your brown hiking boots before heading downstairs.

Ben stands at the base of the stairs, wearing his own dark red Avengers uniform, looking so much like Thor it only makes you miss him more. As you approach him, he turns around and smile up at you.

“Hey, Mom, you ready to go?”

“Seriously? That’s all I get? You’ve been gone for six months. Where the hell have you and Rosie been?” You pause at the bottom, hands on your hips as you scowl at all three of your children.

The fourth is with Thor in Wakanda.

“Mom-” Rosie begins, sitting on the back of the sofa with Lo between her legs as she hugs her from behind.

If you weren’t so angry at them, you’d probably gush about how cute your girls are.

“Nuh-uh. No, Rosie. No excuses. You and your brother got up and left the same day I got back, and I haven’t seen you since. Where were you?”

“Mom, if you’ll calm down, I’ll show you.”

“Did you just ask me to calm down?” You look at Ben, the past six months of worry flooding back rapidly.

“Mom,” Lo starts, moving towards you and wrapping her arms around you.

She’s the only one of your kids shorter than you but only just. She’s tiny, compared to your other buff children who have taken after Thor in their muscle development, but Thor has always said that Lo is very similar to Loki’s stature. Lean and quick.

You hug her back because she’s your baby and she hasn’t left since Rosie sent her back home wherever they’d been when they’d found her.

“Trust us. Just go with Ben and he’ll show you what he and Rose have been doing. Please? Just…trust us, Mommy.”

You stare down at your little girl’s pleading face and then look over her shoulder at Rosie who’s standing again, sighing lightly with an apologetic smile on her face.

“Of course, I’ll trust you.” You assure them then turn to look at Ben who’s leaning up against the front door looking slightly ashamed.

When he looks up and meets your eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom. I should have told you we were leaving.”

You frown at him but shake your head and gently pull Lo back so that you can push her dark hair back and kiss her cheek. “Go do what your sister told you to do.”

You might not understand for what reason Rosie asked Lo to go and bring Thor back home but you’re not going to complain. You want him home.

“Okay. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, honey. Go on.” You urge her towards the stairs, and she bounds up to go change.

Rosie moves towards you and wraps her arms around you, holding you tight. It surprises you, the strength and the emotion in her embrace that your worry is renewed, and you hold her back with just as much concern.

“Rose, what’s the matter?” You stroke the back of her golden head gently.

“Nothing. I just…”

“You two are scaring me.”

“No. Mom, please don’t be scared.” Ben hurries forward and wraps you both up in his arms which make Rose laugh for some reason but you’re still terrified.

“It’s good, Mom. I’ll explain when we get there but we do need to get going. The location changes often, drifting through space and I can kinda guess where it’s going to be but-”

“Wait, what? What changes often? What location?”

Ben chuckles and releases you and Rosie. Rosie steps back and Ben reaches down to cradle the sides of your face as he continues to laugh.

“Mom, do you trust me?”

“You know I trust you with my life, Benny.”

“Then come with me. I promise, it’s all good.”

You stare at him, considering his words. Moving locations, drifting through space, trusting him? Of course, you trust him. Your little protector has never let you down.

“Where are we going?” You finally relent and almost in the same moment Ben smiles.

“Come on, Mom.” He takes your hand and opens the door.

As he heads out, he turns to look at Rose, pointing at her and giving her a stern look.

“Try and keep Dad calm. He’ll probably freak out.”

“You take care of Mom, I’ll handle Dad.” She promises then throws you a kiss as Ben shuts the door.

Ben walks you halfway down the yard before he raises his hand and frowns, trying to concentrate.

“Benny?”

“One sec, Mom. I need to focus.” He pulls you back behind him, half hiding you as he widens his hand, spreading his fingers gently as a small circle of his golden magic sprouts in mid-air.

Why is he struggling to make this portal?

“Ben?”

“Mom, please.” He begs.

The golden circle grows until it’s as tall as Ben and wide enough for two through which you can see the drifting image of what looks like golden walls and beautiful white limestone, or maybe it’s marble?

“Hurry!” Ben suddenly shouts and races forward, pulling you along behind him so hard that he almost clearly pulls your arm from its socket.

You gasp but run when he does and as you cross through the portal you feel a rush of dizziness hit you. Your head spins until you can’t breathe and then as the breeze of the shutting portal fades, you let go of Ben’s hand and hurry to a half broken jade colored pot in the small crumbling circular room you find yourself in and hurl.

All of your good dinner, your wine, all of it comes up and out.

“Mom!” Ben hurries after you, grabbing your hair to hold it back as you empty your stomach. “Damn, sorry, I forgot about the distance. I’ve never brought you this far before. I’m sorry.”

As you cough and gasp, you stand yourself up slowly, pressing your hand against your stomach.

“Ben, where are we?” You cover your mouth, wiping it with the back of your hand.

“In Asgard. Or what’s left of it.”

“But I thought-?”

“It was mostly destroyed. It’s just a small island left over. There’s hardly any atmosphere now which is why you’re so dizzy. I’m sorry I should have got you something to help you breathe. Stand still okay?”

Ben reaches around the sides of your neck and presses his hands flat against it. Warmth flows through you and your lungs stop aching, your head stops spinning, though your nausea doesn’t vanish completely.

“Better?”

“Yes.”

Ben smiles down at you then reaches to take hold of your hand again. “Come on.”

“Why are we here, Ben?”

“I-I heard you and Dad talking that night we brought you back. I know both of you are worried about this life maybe being your last-about each life you get to live with us being your last.” Ben confesses.

“Oh, sweet pea, no.” You hurry to say, afraid of what your and Thor’s fear of the future might be causing your kids to feel.

“No, Mom, it’s okay. To be honest with you, I don’t know what my magic does every time I use it on you. What if it’s hurting you? It’s not normal, bringing you back the way we do. And sometimes we go so many years between finding you that we do start to worry that we might not find you and the idea of what that would do to Dad scares us. He was lost without you, Mom. That first time when we thought that we’d lost you forever, he stayed in your room for a year. He only came out to eat. It’s like he wasn’t alive. The newspapers and media were putting out stories like, ‘God of Thunder Vanishes’ and ‘Where is Thor? Avenger Missing.’ We don’t want that to happen again.”

“Your Dad is not going to do that again, Ben. He and I have talked about that. I know what happened when I died. I know how he feels every time I die because I feel it too.” You try and concentrate on your steps as you cross cracked floor through a large golden archway into what looks like an indoor garden only the plants are dead, and all the vases and pots are broken.

There’s a few walls and floors charred black from what must have been a massive fire.

“Maybe you do, but Mom, you don’t have to sit and watch him go through it. And…I don’t want to keep losing you. Neither do Rosie, Lo, and Egil. It kills us each and every time we have to tell you bye again, never knowing whether we’re going to find you again.”

“And I’m sorry about that, baby, I really am. But that’s the way things are supposed to be. I am human. I live for eighty years, maybe a hundred if I’m lucky which that first time around, I was but that was the end for me. I’d lived a good life. I loved your daddy very much, more than some people ever get to love anyone and I had two beautiful babies and I got to see you and Rosie grow up and become amazing people. It was a good life.”

“What are you saying then? That you regret that we brought you back? What about Lo and Eggy? You regret having them?” You can see that Ben’s getting upset, his brow furrowed in a frown looking so much like Thor that your heart aches. “You had them almost two a hundred and fifty years after that first life.”

He lets go of your hand as he motions towards the room where his portal had brought you two to Asgard, his poor heart breaking because he thinks that you regret all the sacrifice that he and all of your beloved family has made bringing you back time and time again.

“Of course not, Ben! I love all of you. You all are my heart and soul. I could never regret having any of you or any of the lives I’ve been able to share with you all.”

“Then what are you saying, Mom? Because it sounds like you’re telling me that you never wanted to come back and be with us to begin with.”

“What I am trying to tell you, Ben, is that I never asked for immortality. I never wanted it. I love you and your brother and sisters, and I love your dad and every moment that I get to spend with all of you is more precious than the last but this dream, this idea of me living forever was always just that, a dream. You don’t remember because you were so little, Rosie wasn’t even born yet, but your dad and I were fighting. We were fighting a lot.”

“Because he left you, right?” Ben offers and it stuns you into silence.

When the hell had he learned about that? “I-”

“And you hooked up with Uncle Steve. I know all about that, Mom.”

“Ben…yes and no. We weren’t fighting because of your Uncle Steve but yes, we were fighting because he left me. He lied to my face and told me that he didn’t love me and broke my heart then showed up four years later and expected me to just forgive him and love him like nothing had happened. The only reason I kept him in my life in the beginning was because you needed him around. You loved him so much and I wasn’t going to take him away from you.”

“You seriously almost didn’t even get back together with him?” Ben asks, heartbroken.

“Ben…it’s in the past. I was very angry at your dad, but I did love him, and I would have found my way back there no matter what. The point is, while all of that was happening, you dad made these declarations of how much he loved me and how he would never leave my side again. He made sure to tell me that he’d find a way to make sure that I would always be with him. He promised to make me immortal, but I took it for what it was, Ben. It was an empty promise made out of love. I never-” You sigh as Ben looks down at your feet, his face crestfallen, his wide lips pouting handsomely as his eyes shiver with grief. “Ben, I never expected him to keep it. I knew that one life would have to be enough so I made that life the best that I could, and it was such a good life.”

You reach up and place your hands on his cheeks, tilting his head back so that you can look into his beautiful face, those shocking blue eyes spilling soft tears. Your heart breaks for your baby boy and with a gentle thumb you sweep his tears away.

“I will never regret the lives that you and your dad have given me, Ben. You have always been my Knight in shining armor. You even kicked your dad around for me once because he made me cry. I know that you want to protect me and keep me with you but if this stops working, then that’s okay, Ben. I need you to know that even if this is the last time I get to be with all of you that I have spent hundreds of years loving you and that will never change.

“You remembering me and loving me and cherishing the time we have been able to spend together is all the immortality that I need. I don’t need you to save me, sweet pea. You did that for me when I first heard your heartbeat over the speakers of an ultrasound machine. When your dad left me, I didn’t think there was any reason to keep going. And then I saw you and heard you for the first time and just by existing you gave me a reason to keep going.

“I love your dad, Ben. More than words can say but you and your brother and sister, you all are the loves of my life.”

Ben sniffles, reaching up to grab onto your wrists as he cries a few more weighty tears. They splash onto the limestone floor with barely audible thuds in the silent vacuum of Asgard’s ruins.

“But Dad is still your soul mate, right?”

You laugh too, trying hard not to cry yourself because your baby is hurting, and you really hate that you’re the cause.

“Of course, he is, Ben. I’ve been falling in love with your dad for over a thousand years apparently. Does it really matter that much to you that we be together?”

“You and Dad are like, my goal, Mom.”

You laugh at his cuteness and pull his wide shoulders down towards you and wrap your arms around him. He stoops down, hunching over so that you can reach him and wraps his arms around your waist to hold you tight.

“Why didn’t you just stay three?” You demand, emotional now to the point that you are finally crying.

As Ben pulls back, he kisses your cheek and you finish wiping the tears from his face.

“What are we doing here, Ben?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “There’s like a temple or something through this doorway. Dad had already tried everything, and we thought that maybe we might be able to find something here on Asgard. There’s this weird box thing inside with inscription and a scroll inside of it. It’s made out of gold. Rosie’s been teaching me how to read it and I know how to say what’s on it now. We thought, maybe, it might be like a spell or…I don’t know, Mom. Can we just give it a look?”

You stare at him, itching to say no because a quest for immortality seems like such a bad idea. You’ve made your peace with your existence but that look on Ben’s face, it reminds you of the one on Thor’s when he’d been apologizing for failing and after rolling your eyes, you nod. “Okay.”

“Thanks, Mom!” Ben exclaims and pulls you into another quick hug.

“Which doorway, Ben?” You look to your right and find two, one shut, the other wider and open.

“The bigger one.” Ben points and you move towards him.

“If this doesn’t work, Ben, we drop it, okay?”

“Okay.” He agrees and with you crosses into a long and tall golden room with large stone pillars, embellished with golden runes and strange Asgardian designs that you’ve only ever seen in drawings.

There are chiseled designs into the floor, swirls and swishes in repetitive patterns extending all the way to the far end of the room.

“Wow.” You whisper, impressed by the gleaming beauty. This room almost seems as if it were caught in some time bubble where the destruction of Asgard hadn’t touched it. “This is so weird. Is that the box?”

You gesture towards the far end where stands an ornately carved pedestal on which sits a small shoe-box sized container with the same carvings on the pillars all around the box.

When Ben doesn’t answer, you turn to look for him.

“Ben?” However, Ben is nowhere in sight. “Torben?”

Your heart begins to race as panic takes hold of your heart and you circle towards the doorway, you’d just come through only to find it gone.

“Ben?!” You shout, scared suddenly that your boy has been taken from you, and by whom? Hela? What if she’d survived Ragnarök because this little island exists?

“You are frightened?” A calm, penetrating soprano reaches your ears and you whirl to look at the source only to find yourself facing a tall woman with yellow-peach skin, protruding rosy cheeks, stunning blue eyes that you recognize as your son’s and Thor’s.

She stands by the pedestal wearing a floor length, silk yellow gown, the bodice half covered in beaded shining pearls, the top half in stunning golden armor, around her neck and upper biceps is wrapped a golden metallic shawl, and around her wrists she wears golden bracers. All of this topped with beautiful golden hair that falls to her waist but at the top is braided in intricate patterns.

You don’t have to ask who she is because you know. It’s not like you’ve seen her before. It’s not like you ever had the privilege to meet her—only Jane got that honor. No, you know her because she exudes regality and her eyes…those are Thor’s eyes.

“You’re-you’re dead.” You sputter, nervous and yes, very scared.

Her stern face relaxes into a soft smile but you’re no less intimidated. In fact, you’re impossibly confused as to how Thor had fallen for you in the first place when his mother is this beautiful example of feminine perfection.

“You’re not what I pictured for my son.” Frigga states and moves towards you slowly. “I always pictured him with someone strong. A warrior. Like Sif.”

You’re not surprised that his mom is disappointed with you, but it still stings.

“Sorry…” You whisper, almost losing your voice with the sadness that it fills you with.

You’ve always known that you weren’t good enough for Thor, but to hear his mother confirm it? Well, it sucks.

“Don’t be.” Frigga says, stopping a few feet away from you, her hands resting gently at her front. “You are just what he needs. An anchor.”

This doesn’t exactly make you feel better, but you’re willing to move on. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I thought you were dead?”

She smiles a bit more and nods. “I am dead. This is just a small visit. I have been watching you, Y/N Y/L/N. You are most peculiar. I never thought that a human might be destined for my son, but it seems I was wrong. You are not what his father or I would have chosen. You are fragile, you’ve been sick many times and he’s watched you die just as many. You have broken his heart over and over and yet he still searches for you, in spite of the peace he might find if he were to simply give you up.

“For a while we thought he might, but he found you again eventually, not on purpose and since that time he has clung to you harder than he has clung to anything in his life. My son has lost much in his long life, his family, his friends, his people, his hope at one point but he has never lost faith in you no matter how much I wish he had.” She says bluntly and once again you feel the sting of rejection.

“I’m sorry.”

“You are an enigma to me, Y/N. Not as a person. As a person you are very simple. You want to love and be loved. You want family and community. And you have had it. You and my son have led many wonderful lives together and have even given me four beautiful grandchildren.” Frigga smiles more widely at this, exposing a line of beautiful pearly whites. “And they truly are beautiful.”

“Thank you.” You gush, loving your babies so much you could die happy if just because at least she loves them too.

She can hate you all she wants, as long as she loves Ben, Rose, Eggy, and Lo as much as they deserve.

“That Lo is so much like her namesake. She’s going to continue to be a handful. Though Loki was not my biological son, he was very much my son. And that Ben.” Frigga shakes her head. “He reminds me the most of Thor.”

You smile now too, happy to be discussing your babies because at least in this you and Thor’s mother can bond. “He’s my boy, my Ben.”

“Even when Thor hurt you, you raised him to love his father. Not many women would have done such a thing.” Frigga observes, her smile replaced with a small sad scowl.

“I didn’t want my baby to grow up with hate in his heart. Thor is a good father. I knew he would be, and I didn’t want to rob Ben of that. He deserved to have that relationship even if things didn’t work out with me and Thor.” You respond passionately.

For a really long couple of minutes, Frigga simply stares at you, her eyes unreadable and her body just as relaxed but straight as before. When you shift on your feet for the fifth time and consider speaking for the tenth, Frigga finally sighs.

“My son has been searching for a long time for a way keep you with him.”

Your eyes flit to the box behind her and she turns to look at the pedestal and the ornate box.

“What he seeks is not in that box. A decoy to get Ben to bring you to me.” Frigga explains.

“What’s in there then?”

“The recipe for Thor’s favorite cake. It will be hard to make without a few fruits from Asgard, but you can find substitutes on Midgard.”

You want to laugh at the ridiculousness of this whole trip being made simply to end up with a recipe for Thor’s favorite desert.

“You are amused?”

“No. Yes.” You admit. “Ben will be disappointed. And Rose and Lo.”

“And Egil. He reminds me of my husband. Forever focused on the fight.” Frigga smiles. “But you?”

“What about me?” You wonder.

“You are not be disappointed?” Frigga asks.

You smile lightly and shake your head. “I’m grateful.”

Frigga’s smile vanishes, her face moving towards neutral as she stares at you and your seemingly strange reaction.

“You brought Thor into this Universe and I don’t know where I would be without him. I don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to love. I’ve always thought it was a miracle that Thor loved me at all and to have been able to share so many lives with him, it’s a dream come true. I’m thankful to you for giving him to me though, I know you don’t do it voluntarily. I know I’m not exactly impressive. I’m nothing more than a seamstress when it comes down to it. I can’t fight and I can’t live forever. But I’m okay with that. Even if I never wake up to be with Thor again, if this is the last life I get to live with him and my children then, that’s the way it is.”

You shrug your left shoulder and smile at his mother, really, truly at peace with this fact.

“If you had not said what you said to Ben a few minute ago and if you had not just repeated it for me here, I would not have been able to give you this gift.” Frigga moves towards you, looking serious but welcoming as she stops a foot in front of you. “It is not a gift easily bestowed and I can only give it once. I am happy to say that in this case; the gift will be well given. You are not allowed, Y/N Y/L/N, to leave my son’s side. This will not make you invulnerable to harm, but you will not get sick and most wounds will heal quickly. Fatal wounds will have to be carefully watched as they will heal but only if taken care of properly at the beginning. So, try not to get stabbed in the back.”

You furrow your brow, confused by her words but then she reaches out to press her hand to your forehead and your mind is suddenly bright confusion. You see nothing but golden light. It’s blinding and it washes over you, filling every inch of your body as Frigga’s even voice fills your ears.

“You have my blessing, Y/N to live your life at my son’s side. Not that I could have stopped him even were I alive, but if it matters at all, I wish you both happiness and longevity. Please take care of him and those beautiful children of yours. And just in case my vote counts? I would like to side with Thor and suggest you have many more.”

Her voice fades and the light goes with it, plunging you into darkness.

Thor paces the yard agitated and impatient. “Where are they?”

His demanding voice makes his girls jump and Egil stands to the back, his long blonde hair half pulled up and braided down his back, leaning against the door of the house with his left foot pressed flat against the surface and his arms crossed over his muscular chest.

All of them have changed out of their Avengers garb and instead wear simple clothes, jeans and t-shirts all around, save for Lo who is wearing her favorite yellow dress.

“Daddy, they’ll be back soon.” Rosie assures Thor, moving towards him to try and grab his arm.

“How could Ben take her all the way to Asgard? What Asgard did he take her to? There was nothing left.” He insists, no matter how many times Rosie tells him that there is something left.

“Daddy,” Lo begins but Egil crosses forward to block his father’s path. He’s shorter than both Thor and Ben but taller than the girls. He’s stockier looking because of his height though in relative strength he’s the same as Thor, Ben is still stronger physically but Egil has Thor’s lightning.

“You’re getting the girls all riled up. Calm down. Throwing a fit isn’t going to bring them back any faster.” Egil reasons.

Thor stops in his pacing, stares down at his son and hates the sense that he makes. He reminds Thor of Odin and it unnerves him sometimes.

“I can’t help it.” Thor explains and moves to stand facing the compound. “They have been gone for six hours. Why would he take her there? What if she cannot breathe? What if they meet with some other danger?”

“Ben would never put Mom in danger.” Egil says with a shake of his head. “Dad, please, take a breath. You’re scaring Lo and Rose.”

“I’m not scared.” Lo complains but she’s clinging to Rose’s arm and glaring daggers at Egil.

“You are right.” Thor suddenly says, wiping at his face with his right hand roughly. “He would never put her in harm’s way but I-”

Thor hesitates, hating to show this weakness around his kids. Yeah, sure they’re adults but when it comes to you, their mother, all of them—Thor included—are prone to overreaction.

“We know, Dad. You just got her back. We just got her back.” Egil shakes his head, reaching over to place his hand on Thor’s shoulder, just like Ben taught him to do when Thor gets upset about You. “I get it. You’re scared. But Ben-”

A sudden familiar hiss brings Thor around Egil, eagerly facing the center of the yard as a golden circle begins to glow and grow until it fits two people. Through it Thor can only see space however, stars strewn across black, purple, and magenta skies. He throws his arm back and the whoosh of Stormbreaker fills the air as it hits his hand and he’s almost got himself convinced to just go ahead and leap through that portal for you when a mass of limestone and golden rubble comes into view and then you and Ben suddenly step through.

You teeter for a moment, dizzy from the change in atmosphere and Thor drops Stormbreaker as he races towards you and wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you steady yourself.

Thor knows that look on your face. He quickly gathers your hair up and back in one hand as you pull out of his embrace and then double over as you dry heave onto the grass. There is nothing for you to throw up.

“Sorry, Mom.” Ben sighs, looking at Thor who is fuming at him so much that as he meets his son’s eyes, his eyes spark to life.

Bright blue and sizzling, Thor releases your hair as you stand up slowly and makes to move towards Ben, but you wrap your hand around his wrist and Thor is distracted as he turns to look at you.

Ben sprints away from the two of you, planting himself behind Lo, Rosie, and Egil.

“What happened?” Rosie and Lo, ask Ben in hushed tones.

“Did it work?” Egil adds.

Thor’s eyes and ears, however, are only for you as you sigh heavily, rubbing your chest with your right hand as your left is too busy holding a small ornate box. Thor recognizes the designs on it and reaches out with his right to trace one of the lines on the top.

“Where-?”

“A gift from your mom.” You tell him, then offer it up for him.

Thor takes the box, opens it and examines the small scroll of parchment inside to find the recipe for his favorite cake. He smiles slowly, his beautiful bearded face relaxing as he realizes that you’re home and you’re safe, and now he has this recipe too.

“My mother? But-”

“I don’t know how to explain it Thor. Ben and I were in some small floating island, I walked into this big room with Ben but when I turned around, he was gone, and your mom was there. She gave me a big speech about how I’m not good enough for you and how she doesn’t understand why you and I are still a thing or why we’ve been trying so hard for so long. She said something about me breaking your heart all the time, but she did say that our babies are beautiful. And that Eggy reminds her of Odin and Lo of Loki.”

You smile at this part, because your babies are a source of pride for you too.

“She also said we should definitely have more if we can.” You laugh and Thor laughs too, chuckling softly as he wraps his left arm around your waist at the sound of your laugh.

“And she said that…that I wasn’t allowed to leave your side, ever again. And that if I hadn’t made it so clear that I know that I’ve lived my life and that immortality was nothing but a fantasy and that I didn’t want it, then she wouldn’t have been able to give it to me but…she gave it to me, Thor.”

“What?” Thor asks, his brow puckered.

“Your mother gave me immortality. I’m-I’m not strong like you and the kids. I’m still just a regular human but I won’t get sick anymore. And I’m going to age very slowly, like, slower than Steve slow.” As you laugh, Thor drops the box and reaches up to cup the left side of your face. “And I can still die if I get really hurt but I’m going to heal a lot faster. Even fatal wounds, if we take care of them quickly enough and if we’re careful, I can heal from those too. She gave me her blessing Thor.”

Thor wipes hot tears from your cheeks as you begin to cry, and he struggles to keep himself composed too as he begins to realize that you’ll never leave him again. From this day on, you will be his wife, and he’ll never have to watch you age again, not without him following aging too. He’ll never have to watch you get sick and die again. He’s going to do his damndest to keep you from being injured even if it should kill him, now that he has you forever, he’s going to make sure that nothing and no one will ever hurt you.

“She said I could live my life at your side, puppy.” You sob once and reach up to pull his head down closer to yours until you’re resting your forehead against his.

“I love you, Y/N.” Thor whispers. “So much.”

“And I love you, Thor.” You push yourself up onto your toes to kiss his lips, just a quick loving peck. “And I always will. Forever.”

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[honeymoonjin]

bts reaction - you break up

A/N: requested by a lovely anon. In case you hadn’t guessed, this one is angst. The request was for a 8-10 year-long relationship but I thought I’d change it up a little bit for each member. Update: i just finished writing this and made myself sad so good luck.

Jin

some couples stay together just because it would be too exhausting to start over again

you and jin were that couple

you had been married for six, going on seven years, and everyone could see that neither of you were particularly happy

but at this point, divorcing seemed like too much effort

you two had a dog together, a massive fluffy monster that loved jin and loved chewing your shoes

you of course had a house, with belongings and furniture that would have to be divided between you two

it wasn’t that bad, you’d tell yourself

he was always gone anyway, on tour or spending most of his waking ours out with the boys

in a way, it was like the two of you were roommates

jin used the excuse of not wanting to wake you as a reason to have his own bed, so you two didn’t even share a bed

some weeks, you wouldn’t see him at all

it was a pretty clear sign of a bad relationship that those were the good times

because when he was home, it seemed like all you did was argue

he loved cooking, but got you to make dinner anyway and would complain when it didn’t taste as good as his

he wasn’t satisfied with the way you folded his laundry

you would always forget important dates

anything was enough to set the two of you off

arguments usually consisted of you spitting nasty words at him, and him yelling at you loudly enough that he would drown you out completely and you’d be unable to defend whatever he was throwing at you

in the end, they’d always finish with you walking out in tears, and him sulking on the couch like he hadn’t done a thing wrong

just last week the guys gave their hyung an intervention

even though you knew breaking up made sense, it felt like fucking shit to be told that six of your closest friends sat down your husband and told him to divorce you

but secretly, it would be a relief for jin to just make a decision for once in his life and end it

one of the secrets you’d never tell another soul is the divorce papers you keep underneath your framed graduation certificate on the wall

you would dream of a life, of being free and able to start again, and fantasise about handing him those documents, already signed on your behalf

but you knew you never could

as much as you didn’t like each other, you still loved each other

two days before your seventh anniversary, jin sneaks into your bedroom just after midnight and slips into your bed

you gasp at his cold feet but allow him to pull you into an embrace, one you hadn’t felt for too long

he sniffled and whispered into your ear 

“i think we need to get a divorce”

“i know”

and so the two of you cry, mourning the death of a relationship that went stale long ago

somehow that night, you two were closer than you had been in years

you supported each other when you cried, even had sex for what would be the last time when you needed more comfort

and you woke up the next morning to your graduation certificate dumped on the bed, and jin signing the document you thought he didn’t know about

just like near strangers can lean on each other in times of need, the two of you actually become friends again throughout the divorce process

because as hard and unpleasant as it is, you know that at least you’re doing it with him

once you break out of that monotony of a miserable marriage, you’re free to actually enjoy each other’s company again

and when jin finds a new woman and asks her to marry him, it’s tears of happiness for him that you shed

and maybe a little self pity... but that will go away with time

Yoongi

you always knew going in that yoongi could be a very erratic person

distracted when you were together, but focused when it came to work

and you had told yourself for a long time that you didn’t mind

you had been together so long that for a while it was just your new normal

it wasn’t until you spontaneously developed a bit of a crush on hoseok that you realized just how not-normal this whole thing was

it wasn’t that you seriously fell for hoseok, but one night you had fought with yoongi about finances, him thinking it was dumb you wanted to work when he could provide

after he stormed out in anger, he must’ve messaged the group chat to complain about you, because all of a sudden hobi was calling you up asking for your side of the story

that night, he came over and let you cry on his shoulder and tell him all of your worries and concerns, offering advice when you wanted it and support when you needed it

after that, you started looking at hobi a little differently

you weren’t even really crushing on him that badly

you loved yoongi you always will, but you would admit you were more than a little infatuated with hobi just because of how good a friend he was

you couldn’t help but picture what it would be like to have someone like him as a boyfriend

and that thought led everything downhill for you and yoongi

you started to realize that hobi wasn’t a saint, he was what any caring friend/partner should be, and that it was yoongi that was lacking

you hated yourself for thinking like that, but the thought took a hold of you and you eventually had to break things off

after he refused to come home to you when you asked one night, you went to his studio and did it there

telling him that you loved him but that you needed more from a relationship, something that he just wasn’t giving you

he nodded, said nothing, and went back to his work

you stormed out eventually after he continued to ignore you, and for a long time you were angry. furious that he didn’t even care

but you could see in later press events and interviews (you didn’t know why you couldn’t stop watching him them) that he was even more glum and reserved than usual

but he was too proud to ask for your forgiveness, and one day he must have found it in himself to move on, staying single for a long time but slowly cheering up over time

you had several relationships after that, each one with men far more affectionate and attentive than yoongi, but you weren’t really happy

because now those embraces seemed smothering and their reliance on you suffocating

you missed the way yoongi and you were

but it was too late to get him back

Hoseok

maybe the hardest thing you’ve ever had to face is having your boyfriend of three years wake up one day and realize he’s not in love with you anymore

no

the hardest thing is that he was probably never in love with you at all, not really

you were the perfect girlfriend, even hobi admits it

when he was spending more and more time with sweet hani, one of the young trainees in the background dancer team, you didn’t become a tiger girlfriend

you were really happy he was making good friends, and you could see how genuinely content he seemed to be after meeting here

so you never pried, and you just trusted him

he didn’t cheat on you, of course, he could never do that

in fact, he was so honest with you it hurt

he told you as soon as he was having feelings for her, saying that he didn’t know what to do

and you, the masochist you were, told him as long as he didn’t cheat, he should allow himself to explore those feelings

you had kinda hoped he’d get to know her better and change his mind, but the opposite happened

almost every night, he’d get into bed, guilty as anything, telling you exactly what happened and how he was feeling

he kept telling you he’d cut contact if it made you uncomfortable, but all you wanted was to see him happy, even if it tore you up inside

one day, when you were a little sick of hearing him gush over her right after fucking you for two hours, you snapped and told him he should just dump you and get with her instead

he just laughed uncomfortably and said goodnight

but the next morning, the bed was cold when you woke up

he was in the kitchen, eyes weary

he had been thinking, hobi told you, thinking all night

“i think spending more time with hani has helped me realize that while i love you, i really do, i’m not in love with you”

“and you’re in love with hani?”

“...i really think so. y/n, i’m so sorry, i’ll stay with you if you want-”

but you weren’t a fucking charity. you couldn’t stand to see him catering to you and being miserable, so you broke up with him

you weren’t ashamed to admit that it fucking destroyed you to see him bounce back so fast

you were stopping by the dorm to pick up tae (the two of you were friends from high school, and he introduced you to hoseok in the first place)

and there was hobi, practically fucking glowing as he scrolled through pictures of him and hani on a date, showing the best ones to an over-excited jimin

you, on the other hand, felt sick from the diet of ice-cream and wine you had picked up, and just wished you could wind back time to when you were naive and happy

but what hani gave him, you couldn’t provide, so you had to accept it

an attempt at acceptance turned into revenge, however, and any semblance of goodwill between you two was destroyed when him and hani came home to you enjoying the company of jungkook and jin rather loudly

sue you for wanting a little tlc. hoseok was getting his dick wet; why shouldn’t you get some action too?

since that day, he had stubbornly refused to acknowledge your existence, even as you began warming the beds of his friends more often than not

at least with jinnie and kookie, you all knew it was nothing more than sex

Namjoon

perhaps the most genial break-up ever

you two seriously wanted to make it work, you really did

but your fourth year anniversary was less than a month away and you honestly didn’t think you would make it that long

see, namjoon and you worked out perfectly on paper

you were his type and he was yours, and the two of you got on like a house on fire

but then, just over two months into the relationship, you realized you weren’t even really dating

sure, you had sex every now and again, but most of the time it was two much effort, and namjoon would get home only to tell you he already jacked off in his studio and wasn’t in the mood

and sure, you went out on date nights, but you really couldn’t make out a single difference between the atmosphere of your date nights and of gatherings of friends

when jimin and tae crashed your romantic night in, neither of you were that bothered

namjoon realized a lot sooner than you did that the two of you weren’t really going to be more than friends, but he was so sick of being alone and single, that he selfishly stuck at it in the hopes that it would get better

it became almost a ridiculous game between you two

you were obstinately doing everything by the book

you bought sex dice (”how long do we have to do each turn for?” “i don’t know joon, but rubbing my stomach with your foot for eight minutes seems excessive” “yeah, these suggestions aren’t that sexy, let’s watch some game of thrones”)

he bought you flowers every day when coming home from work (”i love them baby, but my allergies are going nuts and my eyes have been watering for the past three hours”)

you gave each other cutesy nicknames (”hey honey bear, can you pass me the salt?” “sure thing, my little dove” “you’re so kind, baby boo” “okay, that’s enough, let’s stop this” “oh thank god”)

but when namjoon caught you zoning out during a handjob, he decided it just wasn’t going to happen

the two of you drove your mutual friends mad over the following weeks

neither of you wanted to make a ‘rushed’ decision, so you spent hours making pro/con lists, powerpoint presentations, and even going to a medium before you finally called it quits

post-breakup, it was a relief to be around each other with no more expectations, but you’ll admit that both of you kind of missed having a partner, even if it wasn’t as lovey-dovey as you wanted

one night, after his fourth failed first date that week (it was a tuesday afternoon) namjoon called you up and asked to get back together

“we’ll do it better this time! we can be platonic partners?”

“what now?”

basically, namjoon wanted the two of you to do all the couple-y things like supporting each other, going grocery shopping together and sharing a bed, just with the knowledge that neither of you were romantically or sexually interested

and so that was were you now stood

the two of you had casual sex on the side, but just let yourselves enjoy each other’s company

Jimin

back to angst

not everyone is as reasonable and unaffected as namjoon

you’ve been with jimin for five years now, but the two of you had been friends with benefits for two years before that

everything had changed back then when jimin confessed he had feelings for you, and you made a very poor decision

you said yes to a relationship, even though you didn’t feel the same

you’ve never been good at saying no, and to be fair, jimin was the best fuck of your life, and perhaps you were a little scared of getting cut off completely if you rejected him

you expected he’d get sick of you after spending more time with you when he wasn’t balls deep in you

but the opposite was true

very quickly, your time become monopolized by jimin

he spent the night every night, unless he was on tour, in which case he’d want to stay on the phone for hours with you, often crying if he missed you

he offered to pay your rent and buy groceries so that you could quit your job, because he wanted you to be able to visit him on set 

you declined, and he reluctantly accepted it was a big ask

that didn’t stop him from sending you sometimes over fifty or sixty texts a day

he felt the need to share every aspect of his workday with you, and was put out when you didn’t do the same

in short, jimin was a very needy boyfriend, and it scared you a little

but you stayed with him, because against all odds the sex had gotten even better (jimin claimed it was the ‘emotional connection’)

and maybe it was kinda flattering to have someone want you like that

but you let it get too far, and by the time you figured you should end it, or tell him to slow down, you were celebrating your first anniversary, already in too deep

jimin proposed to you on september 3, exactly two years after he first confessed his feelings to you

you said no, that you weren’t ready 

jimin proposed to you on september 3, exactly three years after he confessed his feelings

you, a coward and a pushover, said yes

and now here you were, wearing a delicate and unbelievably pricey wedding gown, shaking with stress as your mother told you everything would be okay, wondering what the fuck you were doing

when you first sucked jimin’s dick in the disabled bathroom at the met gala, you had never intended or wanted it to go this far

there’s a knock on the door and it’s tae, jimin’s best man, and the go-between before the actual service

“i can’t do this, tae”

he looks unbelievably dashing in his suit, but his face is crumpled with stress

“y/n, i know maybe this is a bit much for you, but... he’s so fucking excited. i’ve never seen him this happy. if you don’t go through with it, it’ll destroy him.”

you sigh, wiggling your nose to push away the sting of impending tears. you’re the villain in your own life. selfish and scared, and stuck so far down this rabbit hole that you can never hope to crawl out again

“i’m gonna vomit, tae. i’m making a huge mistake.”

“you already made your huge mistake, y/n. every single day that you chose not to end it. it’s too late. this is me begging you, y/n. don’t leave him on his wedding day.”

but you do

you can’t face him

and you run away like the pathetic coward you are

well, you run as far the gates of the church and realize you’re even more of a coward than you thought you were

because you turn back around again, and marry park jimin 

he cries of happiness, holding your hand the entire night and telling you constantly how beautiful you are and how lucky he is and you internally decide that tae is right. it’s too late.

Taehyung

taehyung and you were really, truly happy for a long time

the first four years of your relationship were the best years of your life

he was so unbelievably smart, and talented, and artistic, and just a beautiful soul all around

you couldn’t believe your luck, that you got to wake up next to him every morning

but then, a couple months after moving in, something strange happened

he seemed to always be grumpy whenever he was around you

in fact, the reverse was true as well, you found yourself weirdly irritated by him

it became a vicious cycle of you annoying each other and just getting more riled up because of it

you started to become more aware of his flaws, things you had previously dismissed

he started pointing out the things about you he didn’t like

and one day the two of you sat down, and he suggested maybe it was a simple case of cabin fever

maybe you two just weren’t used to being around each other all the time

his solution: take a break

and you knew that taking a break had a reputation of meaning ‘breaking up’, but tae assured you it was just for a 

then, once you had moved back out temporarily, you realized how much happier you were without him

not having to always consider someone else when making plans, having the freedom to be a little selfish now and again

it felt liberating to not have to message him and arrange dates around his schedule

but you missed him late at night when your bed was cold

and you missed him early in the morning when you ate breakfast in a silent kitchen

and you missed him when you were exploring town, constantly finding small little things that you wished you could share with him

you finally decided after just under a fortnight that you missed him too much to be on a break

and naive little y/n was actually excited

you thought that this break was exactly what the both of you needed, that you’d go to his apartment and surprise him and he’d jump for joy, having missed you as much as you missed him

you didn’t expect to let yourself in and be greeted by him sprawled out on the couch, with a familiar head of platinum hair between his legs

he quickly tapped yoongi’s shoulder, and the elder man sat up in shock at the sight of you

“i thought you said you guys broke up?”

after yoongi had left, adjusting his pants subtly, but not subtly enough, you and tae sat down and had a long talk

apparently tae had seen the ‘taking a break’ as something a little more hard-set than you had

and he admitted to you that for him, what was missing from the relationship was attraction

and so you sat on the couch, the couch he had just got sucked off on, and listened as he came out to you as gay

you tried not to get angry

sexuality was a very personal journey, and he deserved sympathy and understanding, but your heart was broken

then, after you officially broke it off, you started realizing something over the coming weeks

the similarities you had to yoongi both physically and personality-wise

and you had to accept that for you it was always tae, but for tae it was always yoongi

they made a happy couple

but you couldn’t bring yourself to attend their wedding three years later

Jungkook

with jungkook, there was always the matter of experience

not just sexually, although that definitely impacted things, but just in terms of being in a relationship

as much as he argued passionately against the idea, he was inexperienced and naive when it came to being a couple

at his best, he was romantic but a little inconsistent

he wanted to sweep you off your feet, and worship you, and spend quality time with you, but it was always completely unpredictable when his romantic streak would come into effect

you’d be filing reports after your lunch break and get a call that jungkook had booked out your afternoon

and as a business coaching consultant, you had to drop everything to go to whatever location he put along with a fake name 

the worst part was, he never actually would tell you it was him, and you’d bring all your stuff along in your company car expecting to help out Tim Sanders with his ball pumping service (in parentheses ‘sports balls’) only for the address to be a small Italian restaurant, with your boyfriend in a tux out front

some part of you, okay, a big part of you, loved the grandiose way he did everything, but he didn’t understand how it affected your work, and the life outside of him

then there were periods where he made no effort at all

one of jungkook’s problem areas was how flaky he was

he had no reserves about providing a half-assed apology for why he wasn’t coming home, or ghosting you completely when he was on tour

white lies became the norm for him, and white lies have a tendency to grow

you found that you couldn’t trust him anymore, and it was affecting your relationship hugely

so one day when he was off work, you sat him down and told him you were breaking up

he didn’t take it well

you weren’t expecting it, but he reacted with anger rather than confusion or hurt

he kicked the coffee table over and punched a hole in your wall (which he paid for)

because you didn’t yet live together, he would show up to your work or call in, wanting to talk with you

he didn’t understand why you were breaking things off, but the break-up showed his true colors

he started posting vague captions on twitter, like ‘the grass is greener on your side :(’ or videos of him staring at the camera morosely as a sad pop song played in the background

it seemed that he took personal offense to being dumped, and it felt like that offense was more than his want to actually be with you, which was why you could never change your mind

the final straw which confirmed that was him telling news outlets in interviews that he broke up with you, because you ‘didn’t understand him’

the only silver lining was that once that anger and self-righteousness faded away, he had matured enough through that experience to be . better man and a better boyfriend to his next girlfriend

one night, years later, he sent you a text thanking you for giving him that reality check, and apologising for the person he was back then

you were just sad it wasn’t present-jungkook that you were dating, maybe then it wouldn’t have ended so badly

#bts reaction #bts x reader #bts scenario #bts fanfic #bts angst