[Deathly Hallows]
Hermione: Harry-
Harry, sighing despondently: Ginny used to call me Harry.
Ron: Because it's your fucking name.
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Hufflepuff: *walks up to Slytherin frowning*
Slytherin: what's wrong?
Hufflepuff: Gryffindor called me dumb
*five minutes later*
Slytherin, being held back by Ravenclaw, but frantically trying to break free to attack Gryffindor: bitch come here.
Gryffindor: i'm standing right here
Slytherin: *pulls off shoe and throws it at them*
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Hogwarts houses as shit me and my besties have said over text
Slytherin:okay we seriously need a name for the group.
Gryffindor:okay listen-
Slytherin:?
Gryffindor: in my humble opinion-
Slytherin: oh look she said 'humble' like a nerdy lil bitch.
_________________
Ravenclaw,sending a video of how the curtains are moving in weird way: yo????
Slytherin:gurl-
Slytherin:what the- is that a head????
Slytherin: gurl is that yoUR GRANDPA??¿¿¿
Ravenclaw:💀
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Hufflepuff: Your vibes, m'lord.
Ravenclaw: Check them for me, court jester.
Gryffindor: (faint jingling, followed by a loud thud)
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Dorcas: who was your first kiss?
Sirius: Remus
James: Remus
Lily: Remus
Mary: Remus
Barty: Remus
Peter: Remus
Regulus: Remus
Dorcas: Remus, you little slut
Sirius: you kissed my brother?!
Remus: uhhh
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Hermione: why are threesomes only for sex
Hermione: why can’t I join in on a couples argument if I want to
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*texting*
james: HI
regulus: hey
james: HOW ARE YOU
regulus: good, but why are you texting in capital?
james: YOU SAID THAT YOU HATE SMALL TALK SO I MADE IT BIG JUST FOR YOU
james: REG?
james: LOVE
james: WHY AREN'T YOU REPLYING
regulus: james, this is pandora, reg is currently crying, i think you broke him
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Barty: ‘They’ll never find the body’ is such a boring threat, a better threat would be ‘they’ll never stop finding the body’
Regulus, bored: Or just say ‘they’ll be finding parts of you for at least 4 months, and you’ll still be alive for 3 of them’
Barty: Now that’s a threat!
Evan, covering James’ ears: *horrified silence*
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*studying in the library*
James: …
Regulus: …
James: …
Regulus: …
James: …
Regulus: …
James: …
Regulus: …
James: What do you think would happen if you peed on a jellyfish?
Regulus: *bangs head violently against table*
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Draco: I have a bad feeling about this plan
Harry: What do you mean?
Draco: Do you ever get that voice in the back of your head telling you an idea is stupid?
Harry: No?
Draco: …
Draco: Well, that explains a lot
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Sirius (seeing James and Regulus flirt on a quidditch match): Uh Moony, you know what they’re doing? Why isn’t Reggie getting the snitch? ITS RIGHT THERE!
Remus: I think he’s busy chasing Prongs eh Wormtail?
Peter: Dunno but Prongs is to busy talking Regulus to catch the damn quaffle…
Sirius: Holy shit
Remus: Padfoot-
Sirius (materializes a megaphone): PRONGS STOP TRYING FUCK MY BROTHER AND FOCUS ON THE FUCKING GAME
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Hermione, an only child: I can't believe you lied to family.
Ginny, knowingly: Lies are the glue that keeps families together.
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Gryffindor: So, how protective is slytherin?
Hufflepuff: Someone refused to use my pronouns so Sly shoved a "he/him" badge down their throat
Ravenclaw: A guy tried to mug me and Sly apparated him to the top of a roof just to push him off
Slytherin, themselves: This girl called raven and huffy a slur in front of me and she was never seen again hehehe that was fun
Gryffindor: *impressed but also slightly concerned*
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*regulus finally tells evan about his crush on a particular gryffindor*
evan: so is it lupin?
regulus: no……i like james.
evan: …….potter….? he’s kinda fucking dumb, don’t you think?
regulus: he’s not d- listen, he’s hard to read. he’s mysterious.
evan: i don’t think he can read.
regulus: you never know what’s going on inside his head!
evan: i don’t even think he knows what’s going on inside his head…
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**MC staring longingly at Sebastian across the room being idiotic**
Poppy: So why aren’t you and Sebastian dating again?
MC: Because I’d destroy him…
Ominis: Trust me, he’d definitely be into that.
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Y/N reading in peace.
Draco glaring at her
Y/N: *ignores*
Draco continues to glare
Y/N sighing: What?
Draco: what are you reading?
Y/N: shhh, I'm at a good part, he's talking about his crush.
Draco: THAT'S MY JOURNAL!
Y/N: You mean your diary?
Draco: No, my journal.
Y/N: Right...also, it's best to tell your girlfriend how much you like the sound of her laugh instead of writing it in a secret diary.
Draco: I'll hex you, I swear.
Y/N: Aww~ Like how you wrote in this last entry about me being able to hex your heart-
Draco malfunctioning
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