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emmy-dekarios-bg3 · 28 days

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Heart of the Weave - A Baldur’s Gate Fanfiction

Chapter 4

A faint yet loud voice outside the front door can be heard, and I begin to think: there’s no way they’re here already?! The sooner the better I suppose! Gale and I press our ears to the door, wondering if it’s who we think it is. The voice is rather familiar; too familiar, in fact.

“You mean to tell me there’s not a Whizbangs in Waterdeep? COME ON!!” Ah, yes. Karlach. Karlach is our funny, enthusiastic Tiefling friend who had an engine for a heart. She was also on the nautiloid and infected with one of those parasites within the ocular region. Her story is that she was basically sold to Avernus – or, Hell – by someone she once trusted. His name was Gortash and he was one of the bastards we had to kill in Baldur’s Gate. His evil political influence and desire to dominate the world was nauseating and unbearable, so we had to do what we had to do. Plus, Karlach got her revenge. He should not have sold her to Hell to serve for an archdevil. She went back to Avernus with Wyll, the Blade of Avernus, so they can fight together and keep her alive. Her engine would not allow her to live much outside of the Hells.

Gale opens the door and there stands three of our loyal, badass friends on the castle porch: Shadowheart, Karlach, and Wyll. It appears Lae’zel is still in the Astral Planes, and who knows what happened to Astarion, Halsin, and Jaheira? I start to wonder what happened to our other loving friends who started new lives elsewhere.

“Holy shit! It’s Gale! Wait, is that Emmy behind you?! How’d you know we were here?” Karlach says enthusiastically, looking as if she’s ready to punch an object out of pure excitement.

“Well, you do know we’re married, do you not?” Gale asks her with a smirk painted upon his face. I can’t help but laugh at his remark, because she was at our wedding. “Besides, we knew you were here because there’s only one person – er, tiefling – we know that gets this excited about Whizbangs.”

“Damn pal. You got me.”

“Karlach and I found a forge in Avernus to fix her heart. We’re so excited to adventure with you guys again, as long as no ‘Chosen Three’ or ‘elder brain’ gets involved again,” Wyll says, wrapping his arm around Karlach’s waist. I smile, wishing I could jump up and down in ecstasy from this news, though I’m dead set on the idea that I’ll vomit everywhere. I already feel a knot curl up within my stomach.

“Karlach! That’s…amazing news. Can I hug you?” I ask her, trying to maintain my excitement.

“Of course, soldier!” I hug Karlach, feeling her strong arms embrace me in return for over a minute. No flames are rising from her body anymore, nor does she even feel hot. She’s considered my best friend and I’m more than thrilled that she’s going to be okay outside of Avernus, but more relieved she no longer has to suffer. I am more than thankful we saved her life in time when she was about to explode from her old engine. I can’t imagine missing Karlach and begging for her to be alive.

“I have arrived! Oh, it’s so good to see everyone again. Well, most of you. I imagine we’ll bump into Astarion on the road, should he be able to find us in the darkness,” Shadowheart says. I hug her as well, and she immediately begins to feel the heat of my skin from the fever. “You really aren’t feeling great, are you? You are burning up. Let’s leave as quickly as possible.”

“I have dealt with being poisoned, burned, frozen… I really think I’ll be okay,” I say. Now that I think about it, it’s wild. Everyone is so concerned about me, considering I have dealt with much worse in the past, nearly meeting my death bed on multiple occasions. Then again, we just need confirmation this isn’t the tadpole again at least. Gale takes my hand, holding it gently and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. Judging by the look on his face, it looks like he is praying to some Goddess or God silently.

“I’ve prayed to Sêlune. I bet it’s just a bug, but let’s go just in case,” Shadowheart responds, giving off a fake smile. “You never know what this could turn into.” Her and I grew very close on our adventures, to the point she’s gotten super protective over me. I was with her when her parents passed. She once told me I am the only person she has left, and ever since those words escaped her lips, I’ve considered her family to me. I can’t imagine how it’s been for her, traveling alone and discovering the world without a companion by her side. I’m sure it gets rather lonely.

“Well, we probably should leave now. The quicker we leave, the better,” I say. “Don’t worry, I set out enough food for Tara to indulge in while we’re gone.”

“Good news on that front, Tara knows how to pluck vegetables from the garden, so she’ll be okay regardless,” Gale says. “Off we go.”

I close the door behind us and we head on the road in Waterdeep that leads to Baldur’s Gate, though it will be awhile before we actually get there. The fresh air outside seems to make me feel more refreshed than before somehow. The beautiful petunias growing on the side of the road, the large yet beautiful pieces of architecture in the city, such as museums and the Academy, and of course the cute little markets where people are making a living… It’s all so pleasing to the eye.

“So, how have you guys been?” I ask Karlach. “I see you and Wyll are together at last! I knew it would happen someday.”

“You are correct! We’re engaged, actually. No set date for the wedding. Wyll proposed to me in Avernus right after slaying the head off of a giant. Nothing more romantic than that.”

“I was going to have it be a traditional engagement, but alas this was before we could fix her engine, so I had to do it in Avernus. I didn’t want to wait,” Wyll says with animation in his voice, almost like how Karlach sounds every time she talks. It actually makes me so happy they ended up together. It’s funny how they were once enemies, threatening to murder one another, and now they’re engaged to be married. They grow up so fast.

“Well, congrats you two!”

“Don’t worry, Emmy. You’re definitely invited to the wedding. You too, Gale and Shadowheart.”

“Thank you, Wyll. That’s appreciated,” Shadowheart says. “Ah, I love weddings. I’m so glad I was able to be the maid of honor at Emmy and Gale’s wedding, it was absolutely stunning. I’d relive that day if I could.”

“Oh trust me, so could I,” Gale says, holding my hand within his as we walk the quiet roads of Waterdeep. It feels nice to catch up with my friends that I haven’t seen since the reunion party five – or maybe six – months ago. It feels much longer than that.

Another sudden wave of severe nausea hits me like a freight train, causing me to stop walking for a moment. This time, it’s gut-wrenching and nearly painful, possibly the worst it’s been in awhile.

“Whoa, is everything alright?” Gale asks, rubbing my back as I’m hunched over. “It’s okay. Do what you need to do.”

“Whatever is causing you to feel this way, I’m going to punch it in the fucking head,” Karlach says. “I would expect this if you came across Cloudkill or something atrocious like that. Have you been around any disgusting spells like that recently?”

“Not at all,” I mumble. “I think it’s a stomach bug, but…much worse.”

“I feel like a failure. I’ve failed you. I’m a wizard who has studied the arcane since I was young, yet I can’t heal or cure you whatsoever,” Gale says, sighing as he continues to rub my back. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s just the thing,” Shadowheart chimes in. “Magic may not be able to help her at all. At least not this time.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to fight off the sickness that’s overwhelming my body. So going by Shadowheart's words, magic can only help in certain conditions? I have so much I still need to understand; I should have studied the arcane growing up. However, my natural desire was to help others, cure those in pain, and bring light into the sinister world of darkness. It seems I can’t help myself unfortunately.

“I’ll be okay. I have waves where I feel totally fine, though most of the time I think I’ll throw up. In fact, I have at least six times today.” In Faerȗn, illnesses are surprisingly rare due to the magic and healing spells that cure just about anything. If there is no spell, there’s surely a potion for it. Either way, magic has not been able to cure whatever this atrocity is.

After my insane episode of sickness, I finally feel a little better after about twenty minutes and we continue forward on our adventure. The scent of spearmint in the wild somewhere relieves me, and I feel somewhat normal again – thank the stars.

“So Shadowheart, how have you been?” Gale asks. “I’m sure it’s been a wild ride exploring the depths of every mountain, city, and forest you can possibly imagine.”

“You know, as much as I enjoy it and find new places to discover… It gets lonely. However, I’m faring quite well. But, good news on that front, I found a place in Waterdeep and moved here a couple days ago. I’ll be slowing down on my adventures for a while,” she says, inhaling the forest air. “I’m glad I will be around some familiar faces.” This just made my entire day, knowing Shadowheart lives close to us and I’ll have someone to hang out with while Gale is teaching at the Academy. Finally, adult interaction!

As we all continue to walk the long and familiar dirt path to Baldur’s Gate, I notice glossy splotches of newly shed blood on some large rocks just a few feet away from us, remembering all the lives I took. Granted, they were well deserved, but nonetheless it affects me sometimes. Just because they were warranted doesn’t mean I’m not affected. Someone or something just got murdered here within the last hour or two. I sigh, trying not to focus too hard on the blood splatters around us. After a moment, I began to smile, realizing how many lives we ended up saving and that we were the heroes of Baldur’s Gate. We still are. All of the violence toward the evil beings was worth it, though I do question myself every now and again.

“Are you alright, baby?” Gale asks. His voice is so soft like a lullaby. If only it were a cure for my unfortunate illness.

“Yes, I’m more than alright.” Part of me is so excited to get to the city. Maybe I’ll see some familiar faces, and hopefully I’ll get the answers I’m looking for.

#Baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion #karlach #wyll ravengard #shadowheart #bg3 fanfiction #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #fanfic #ao3

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late-to-the-damn-party · 2 years

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Covid but Unfatal and Ghostly

(2810 Words)

Preview:

Whatever Plasmius did was forgotten about almost as soon as it happened. Danny didn’t really feel the need to mention the needle to his friends or sister because it didn’t do anything.

…Right?

“I wouldn’t do that,” Sam sneers, causing Tucker to look behind him and see Danny about to move the Fenton Ghost Catcher through him.

Jazz catches Danny by surprise and knocks the net out of his hands and across the room. Sam puts her foot down in the handle, so Danny can’t grab it again

“Dude, what was that for?” Tucker scowls. “Do you think I’m overshadowed??”

“Danny, we just want what’s best for you,” Jazz tries to reason.

Danny backs up against the wall. “Come on, guys. You aren’t yourselves. Just let me help!”

“No, you let us help!” Jazz shouts. “Just go with-”

“Oh my Zone, shut up!” Danny hisses.

He is cornered; surrounded by his friends and sister- no, the enemy. He just… needs to… get the… Ghost Catcher-

************************************************************************

The day before started like any normal day.

That is, with a fight against Plasmius.

“How many times do I have to say this,” Phantom yells, shooting an ectoblast, “I don’t want to be your son!”

“Hmm, well, maybe if you don’t go willingly without my direct influence-”

“You consider this not a direct influence?!” Phantom interjects.

Plasmius sighs and continues, “Maybe if you won’t come with me willingly without my direct influence, you’ll come if I give you a bit of a… push.”

Phantom blinks. “I’m really confused, you aren’t making any sense,” he admits. “Speak English?”

Plasmius’ eye twitches in annoyance. “I’ll make you come with me.”

At that moment, Phantom feels a prick in his arm. He whips around to find Plasmius had made a clone to sneak up on him to inject him with… something.

“What did you do!?” Phantom squeaks.

All Plasmius does is smirk and order, “Come with me, Daniel.”

“No??? You weird fruitloop,” Phantom spits

“No?” Plasmius echoes, confused.

“Look, I don’t know what you were trying to do, but I’m tired and I just want to get to school,” Phantom groans.

“But-” Plasmius starts, but Phantom pulls out the thermos and sucks him in before he can finish.

“You can continue whatever you were doing after my math test,” Phantom mutters, putting the thermos away again.

Whatever Plasmius did was forgotten about almost as soon as it happened. Danny didn’t really feel the need to mention the needle to his friends or sister because it didn’t do anything.

…Right?

~~~

“Ugh, Vlad’s been quiet and pouty,” Danny complains the next day, plopping down in his first period class’ desk (surprisingly on time for once).

“You should go over and talk to him, maybe that will make him feel better?” Tucker suggests, eyes not lifting from the game he’s playing on his PDA.

Danny chokes on his spit. “W-what?” he sputters. “Why would I do that?”

Tucker shrugs, “I don’t know, man. You’ve been so insistent on not joining Vlad, maybe it’s time to stop and let go of that grudge you have.”

“W- He’s tried to kill my dad! On multiple occasions!” Danny exclaims.

“So? Your dad nearly killed you. Half killed you, dude. Unintentional, yes, but it happened,” Tucker reasons.

“I literally picked the lock they had on the door to the lab, it’s not their fault,” Danny replies. “What has gotten into you? Why are you suddenly all pro-Vlad?”

At that moment, Sam walks in and sits down. “Hey, what are you boys talking about?” she asks.

“He,” Danny says, gesturing wildly at Tucker, “Is trying to convince me to join Vlad. Talk some sense into him!”

“I mean, I have to agree with Tucker, Danny,” Sam answers.

“WHAT!?” Danny shrieks. The students that are in class turn to Danny at the sudden outburst, and he blushes and grins sheepishly before continuing quieter, “You too!?”

“Danny, you’re being stubborn,” Sam bluntly states. “And I’m the definition of stubborn.”

Danny tugs at his hair, “What has gotten into you two?”

“It’s just… I know we were against him before, but at least try,” Sam sighs.

“To Zone I will,” Danny scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry for being late everyone,” Mr. Lancer announces, indicating his arrival. “If you would open up where we left off in Romeo and Juliet…”

At the end of class, Mr. Lancer calls Danny up to his desk.

“I assume you know why I called you up here, Mr. Fenton,” Mr. Lancer says.

“Uh, my lates? My skipping class? My twenty late assignments?” Danny guesses, listing off everything he can think of.

“No- Well, yes, those are a problem- But are you okay at home?” Mr. Lancer questions.

“Yes…? What’s this about?”

“It’s just, I know Vlad Masters has been trying to make you his son, and surely that wouldn’t be without reason,” Mr. Lancer reveals.

“And who told you that?” Danny asks, cautiously.

“I-” Mr. Lancer falters, and ponders on the question. He ultimately decides to ignore it and change the subject, “Are you at least considering going to live with Mr. Masters?”

Danny makes a face, “The ‘reason’ is that he’s a creep and wishes he was with my mom, and having me as a ‘son’ will make him feel he accomplished that. Or something,” he explains. “Again, a creep.”

“Well now, that’s a strong word, isn’t it?” Mr. Lancer scolds.

“Not that strong of a word,” Danny grumbles to himself, looking up at the ceiling.

“As a teacher, I feel the need to look out for all my students, and you’re one of my students. So do know I have your best interest in mind when I say you should move in with Mr. Masters,” Mr. Lancer sighs.

“Sorry, but you just don’t understand the situation,” Danny says, standing up. “There is no way that going with Vlad will solve anything, and it would just make more problems. See you tomorrow.”

“At least consider!” Mr. Lancer calls out to Danny as he exits the class.

“No!” Danny calls back.

~~~

Danny collapses onto his bed and screams into his pillow with frustration. Every interaction he has had today ended up in the person trying to convince him to ‘join Vlad’ and ‘become Vlad’s son’. Like, how in the Zone does Mikey even know his connection with Vlad!?

This has Vlad written all over it.

…Somewhat literally

There’s a knock on his bedroom door. “Danny, can I come in?” Jazz asks through the wood.

“Not really, no,” Danny groans, not wanting to deal with Jazz using her weird psychological powers to make him actually consider living with Vlad with whatever is plaguing the town.

But of course, Jazz doesn’t listen to his wishes and comes in anyway.

“As much as I’d love to try and convince you to go live with Vlad-”

“NOPE nope! Leave,” Danny demands, interrupting Jazz.

“As much as I’d love to try to convince you to go live with Vlad,” Jazz repeats, then continues, “Mom and Dad need you. Something about testing you for a ghost virus of sorts.”

“Ugh, this better not be a trick for all of you to gang up on me and tell me to go live with Vlad, and then give me up for adoption,” Danny accuses.

“It’s not,” Jazz pauses, “But that’s a good idea.”

“Forget I said that,” Danny begs, then goes downstairs to see what this ghost-virus thing is about.

“Danno! There you are! Something terrible has plagued the town!” Jack yells at Danny, seeing him some down the stairs.

“No shit,” Danny huffs under his breath.

“Tell me, what do you think about going to live with Vlad!” Jack interrogates.

“OH MY ZONE! What does this have to do with the so-called ‘ghost virus’!? Did Jazz lie to me and it actually is some planned ‘intervention’!? What is up with this town today!?” Danny finally snaps. “Am I dreaming? Is this some weird dream? Nocturn, is this your doing!?” Danny shouts to the ceiling.

Instead of continuing on, Jack just hugs Danny and exclaims, “Look at that, you haven’t caught it!”

“Huh?” Danny confusedly vocalises. “Caught what?”

“The whole town has been infected, causing them to, for some reason, believe you should leave us and go get adopted by Vlad! Me and Maddie are safe because we’ve been vaccinated against any ghostly virus so that any that enter our body perishes immediately! And apparently you’re safe, too!” Jack informs.

“Well, we don’t know for sure he doesn’t have it just yet,” Maddie says, walking in holding some sort of kit. “Danny, we’re going to have to take a test. Just a quick swab in your cheeks, throat, and nose, and we’ll know if you’re positive in about fifteen minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later, Maddie looks at the results and frowns.

“What’s wrong, Mads?” Jack asks.

“It says here that he’s positive. He must just be asymptomatic,” Maddie reveals.

“But only ghosts can be asymptomatic,” Jack says.

“Must be my ecto-contamination,” Danny pipes up.

“Must be…” Maddie mutters.

“Uh,” Danny clears his throat, “How does this virus work? Why is it specifically manipulating people into wanting me to live with Vlad? Seems kind of specific. How does that even benefit the virus in any way? Like, with rabies or that fungus that makes those zombie ants, it manipulates the host for its own benefit; I don't see why the virus would do this,” he questions.

“Good question! It's a virus that picks up on a strong desire, usually something that causes conflict, and manipulates the host to also hold that desire! It then feeds off the emotions of the conflict it created between another ghost or being,” Jack explains.

“Though, not so many ghosts anymore. It petered out due to exposure, and now ghosts form with an immunity to symptoms, but can still be a carrier; or the virus will be destroyed immediately after entering a ghost who has had it or carried it before,” Maddie adds. “As for why it's manipulating people into thinking you should live with Vlad; I’m thinking perhaps he was the first exposed outside the zone, causing the virus to pick up on his desires. Though, we're not sure when he would have been exposed. It would make sense if he got it during the portal accident in college, but it doesn't add up, because then it would have popped up years ago. And, as you can see, it's highly contagious, and the accident was before our vaccinations, so we should have gotten it then. So why only now…”

Danny recalls his fight the previous day, and the thing Vlad injected him with. His parents were right about some things. Like the virus picking up Vlad's desires, the older halfa likely doing that on purpose, but the actual beginning of the cases started with him.

“So… What's the cure? Are you just going to inject everyone with the vaccination?” Danny prompts.

“That's the thing, it only works when taken beforehand. It's a preventative, not a cure. We aren't sure how we're going to do this,” Maddie confesses.

“The virus is a ghost virus, right?” Danny asks for verification, coming up with an idea.

“Yes,” Maddie verifies.

“Would, uh, the ghost catcher work?”

“Great thinking, Danno!” Jack smiles.

Both parents and son gear up with jumpsuits and headsets, and they each head out to town together with a Ghost Catcher each. Danny is also masked up, because they are unable to remove the virus from him. (He tried using the catcher on himself in his room while getting ready. First he removed Phantom, then attempted to move the net through his ghostly half, but it didn’t work. So Danny just told them it must be fused to his ecto-contamination, and if the Ghost Catcher can’t get rid of the ecto-contamination, then they can’t get rid of the virus.) They were all expecting everyone to fight them in some way or form; surely the virus would have some sort of self preservation instinct. But when they went up to the first person, there was nothing whatsoever. Shrugging to each other, they continue on, and sure enough, halfway through the town’s population being virus free, they start to defend themselves gradually.

They get through everyone eventually; minus Sam, Tucker, Jazz and Vlad. Maddie believes they're going to be harder, given that they’re the closest to Danny, or in Vlad’s case, the source of the virus’ chosen conflict.

Maddie was right to believe so.

************************************************************************

“Danny, remember, it feeds off of the emotions created from the conflict!” Maddie reminds Danny through his earbud while working her way out her restraints. “Those won’t exist if there isn’t any conflict in the first place! It should then loosen it’s hold on your sister and your friends!”

Danny nods to his mom, indicating he heard her, and looks at Sam, Tucker, and Jazz. Begrudgingly, he sighs and says, “I’ll go with Vlad.”

“Really?” Jazz perks up, her smile holding an annoyed undertone.

“Yup, I’ll go be his son now,” Danny confirms.

The three falter and Tucker asks, “You really sure, man? I know we were pushing you, but that’s kinda a big change- You sure you don’t want to push us some more?”

“Nah, I’m good. I trust your guys’ judgement. If you say something is best, then I’ll go along with it,” shrugs Danny.

“Well, then, come with us to Vlad’s house, and tell him that to his face!” Sam demands.

Danny takes in a deep breath to calm himself, and answers, “Sure. Let’s go.”

Before he leaves, Danny takes a quick glance at his mom. He observes she’s now free and freeing his dad. Reassured, he follows his friends and sister.

On the porch of Vlad’s mansion, Danny rings the billionaire’s doorbell. Sam and Tucker keep watch to make sure this isn’t a plan to get them off guard.

Answering the door, Vlad hungrily greets, “Well, hello Daniel. What brings you to my humble abode?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Danny replies, “Well, Sam, Tucker, Jazz are making some good points about coming and joining you, so…”

Vlad’s face lights up. “Really?” he grins.

“Yup” Danny confirms, popping the ‘P’.

“Wait, but are you sure though?” Tucker asks, jogging as fast as he can up to Danny’s side. “I mean, this is Vlad. Known creep and certified fruitloop by you?”

“Do you not want me to join him anymore?” Danny questions, tilting his head in exaggeration. He just has to go with the flow.

“Uh, yes! No..?” Sam replies, coming up beside them.

“Er, what do you want to do Danny?” Jazz inquires.

“I want to do whatever you guys think is best,” Danny responds, making brief eye contact with Maddie who is coming up behind Tucker.

Taking her chance, Maddie swipes the net through Tucker. Instead of the others putting up a fight, they just stand there trying to process different opinions: Whether Danny should go with Vlad or not.

Maddie tosses Danny a catcher, and he catches it and swipes through Sam while Jack does Jazz. Maddie tries to do Vlad, but he shuts the door on her. Considering his reaction of fleeing rather than fighting, plus having a reaction at all considering the others were paralysed with conflicting thought, Maddie deduces that he must be asymptomatic as well. Must be because of ecto-contamination from the accident. She’ll just make sure he stays isolated.

Maddie breathes a sigh of relief, “Glad that’s dealt with.”

“Yeah,” Danny nods in agreement.

“Now son, time to self isolate!” Jack resounds.

Danny’s face falls, though hidden from view behind the mask. “Oh, joy,” he remarks sarcastically.

************************************************************************

Two weeks later, Danny finally tests negative, and can come out of isolation.

Immediately after getting out of isolation, Phantom confronts Vlad about the situation. Vlad ends up admitting that it wasn’t his original intent to get all of Amity infected; he hadn’t known that ghosts are asymptomatic, and didn’t think it was so highly contagious or that humans could catch it in the first place. When he did notice what happened, though, he was perfectly content with the outcome. He’s displeased about how Danny ended up ridding everyone of it.

Everyone who had the virus (who had symptoms) feels a disconnect towards them at the present and themselves when infected; not unlike how one looks back on childhood and noticing how different you were, but ultimately knowing it was you. Essentially, they don’t have any gap in their memories from the time they had the virus, and they don’t feel like they didn’t have any control over their actions.

In the end, everyone had received the vaccinations for known ghostly viruses that the Fentons had made and provided for free to Amity Park. This way they won’t have to deal with another disaster like this, or worse.

#ectoberhaunt22 #EH chaos #day 7 #infect #danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #moral of the story is get vaccinated kids #i hate this so much lol #if you don't understand anything that's happening... yeah me neither. i gave up at some point. can't tell you when.#zak's fics

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skartle · 8 months

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yo yo fellow headmate here uhhh basically saw u post abt hating tord and like fair, u 2 hate each other in ur source but then u posted about hating edd and like aren't u 2 besties in source? hope u dont mind me asking abt it :X - ☢

Yeah I don’t mind talking about it, admittedly it’s a long story so I’ll put a “read more” for anyone who doesn’t care. Long story short through, he lied to me about some pretty important things and after that I lost trust in him and it got worse from there.

Long ver:

Around I think year 10 or 11, Edd started getting a lot closer to Tord and they ended up moving in together. I and matt would occasionally stay over (and where planning to eventually move in) so Edd wanted all 3 of us to be mates. We were neutral on the guy and agreed that being on good terms would make things less awkward, so we just went with it. Over time I started to dislike him and made Edd aware of this, but he still kept trying to get us to get along anyways.

When Tord finally moved out, Edd apologised for being an ass about it and I assumed that would be the end of it. Alas, that wasn’t the case and Tord ended up moving back in a few years later, we ended up getting into a fight that nearly ended with me getting killed and after this, I got another apology from Edd, with me again assuming that would be the end of it.

Since Tord turned out to be super shady, I looked into him and showed what I found to Edd. However, he revealed that not only did he know about all of this, but he also helped him with some of it. Asking more questions, I found out that he knew about Tord wanting to kill me, having a weapon stash, wanting to take over the world etc and chose both not to tell me and not to stop him.

I was rightfully really angry about this and Edd made it out like I was overreacting. We fought quite often over this, especially after I found out he was hiding even more from me, but I really liked him and didn’t want to throw away our friendship so we agreed to put it behind us.

All seemed to be going well, until I noticed that the weekly visits he was claiming were for his mother started getting longer and longer. I started getting suspicious and one night, I woke up early and noticed that Edd was also awake. He was sitting on the couch on his phone and out of curiosity, I stood behind him and looked at what he was doing.

He was texting Tord. What about? Oh nothing, it was just Tord saying that he didn’t want to get into a relationship with him because he didn’t want to upset me and Matt. Yeah, these “weekly visits to his mum” was actually him going out with Tord, intending to start dating him.

I was obviously pretty upset about this. To fool me not once, not twice but three times is insane! I found out Edd was posting photos of the two together and was able to guess where Tord lived based off of them, going to his house the next day. He accidentally informed me that they had been doing this for weeks and when I got home, I called Edd out on it. He not only admitted it but also told me that he had been looking for Tord or a way to contact him for years before that.

We haven’t been friends since then and when we’ve spoken, it hasn’t been pleasant. Why yes, I hate Tord with a passion, I have to admit that he’s only done it once and has as least tried to apologise/make up for it. Edd however, has done this on multiple occasions and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more I don’t know about yet. Every time he apologises, I believe him less and less.

Both incidents shouldn’t have happened at all, but I have to admit that I prefer a one-time occasion over a growing pattern of behaviour.

#ive never made a post like this so idk what to tag lol #rant #vent #near death tw #alter vent

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mountains-moving-91 · 2 years

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Let 'Em Fall Down

Sometimes, not all friends stick around. I know this world all to well. See, I have spent my whole life keeping my circle pretty small. Unintentionally sometimes, by bad choices other times, and because sometimes people just freaking suck. I’ve learned though, that just sometimes, it is better to have less, than more, especially when you are talking about “bad” friends. What does that mean to you? Well, that’s for you to decide. But let’s talk about it, together. If they leave, does it matter what their worth WAS to you? Yes, of course. It all still hurts the same. And normally, it isn’t until much later - once the pain has passed a little - that you start to notice that maybe they weren’t the best thing for you after all. That’s the fairy-tale world we live in though.

I told you all, awhile ago, that I have two kids. Well, the oldest, his biological dad is one of those holiday-dad-types. You know, the one that is never around unless it is a holiday. On those days, my mother gets voicemails to pass along. The other dad, he’s on version 1 of being a real biological dad but def on v2 of being a dad. It’s called C-H-O-I-C-E-S and Dad #2 steps up when and where Holiday Dad #1 falls short - which is every day, other than holidays. Funny story - before kid #1 existed, Dad #1 and I were madly in love. Granted, this was back in my LORD-OF-THE-DRUGS days, and looking back I would prefer to say that the drugs were to blame, but I am a shitty liar and that story wouldn’t do anybody any good.

See, I fell head over heals for what I thought was God’s Gift to Earth, all wrapped in one-hell-of-a-good-looking-BOY-BOD. He was beautiful from head to toe. And he did at one point have a very kind and beautiful heart. We actually met in rehab, and everyone acts differently when they are clean - which is how our relationship started out. We had a beautiful relationship, nearly perfect, until we decided to take a turn down the dark road of addiction&drugs together. See, we both struggled with our mental health internally, and at the same time we were both SUPER STRONG AND STUBBORN gemini’s. And I can honestly say, if it wasn’t for what happened next, Dad and baby #2 would have never stood a chance. But the next part here, it happened - to me, and it still hurts, which is why you get to know about it.

Rewind with me…back to my hot-shot-junkie-days. I didn’t have kids. I hardly showered. I had responsibilities that I COULD HAVE taken care of, but I made the CHOICE, EVERY DAMN DAY, to take care of my drug habit. That was the only responsibility I gave two shits about - MY next freaking fix. Holiday Dad and I shared more than just our birthday month. We both had an unmanageable addiction and a wild desire to make bad decisions in all the right moments. And it was fun at first - until we both could no longer manage the addiction.

This is where Domestic Violence comes into play. Addiction changed this man EVER SO MUCH, as it does to everyone who struggles with this broken window. He started getting mean. Oh so fucking mean. See, he had big_full/grown_beautiful_man_hands, only they didn’t feel so pretty when they made impact on the side of my face. He was the tall, with these big coffee brown eyes and hot damn, his eyelashes were every girls wildest dream. They even smiled with his smile. But they turned black, when he got high - and when he couldn’t get high, they/and_he got even darker. He was strong. And on the days he was nice, I knew I was safe standing next to him. But on his bad days, his angry days, I was basically a ghost just living in the eye of his storm.

As much as this guy hurt me, he does have his own trauma from his childhood. See, he watched his dad beat his moms face into the bathtub, and nearly kill her on multiple occasions. His dad was his very own holiday dad who ended up murdered - 16 shots to the chest - by the time he was 8 years old. Talk about his very own type of CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND PTSD. BUT, (and this deserves a BIG BUT) he made the choice, and continues to make the choice, to walk down the same road that got his dad murdered, every single damn day. So I personally feel that SCREAMING the solid_hard_TRUTH about his ever so ugly life is only fair. See, his voice, under the influence of Meth, Anger, or Trauma, were so hsrsh that they left the forever-type of bruises on my heart. Side note - I’d much rather get beat by a man, than degraded by a man... but now I am more of the show up ready to fight kinda girl…so hands up or sit down, basically.

The point is - it doesn’t matter if you beat the living shit out of someone half your size or if stand in front of them and tell them that they look like they have a flat tire around their belly 1 fucking week after giving birth. IT ALL FUCKING HURTS. AND IT ALL CAUSES FUCKING TRAUMA. And you guessed it…TRAUMA CAUSES PTSD IN DA BRAIN. AND PTSD AFFECTS YOUR LIFE, IF YOU HAVE IT. Sometimes you gotta run. Sometimes you gotta fight. Sometimes you gotta hide. And sometimes, you gotta start cutting people you’ve outgrown from your life. ANDDDD - that doesn’t mean you are alone or that you don’t have anything left to fight for. It just means that it is time to rebuild. And it’s easier to do that from the bottom, than with a half built stepping stone.

STAY STRONG YA’LL. Time doesn’t always heal everything. But you can heal, if you make the choice that you want too. The fight isn’t over until you quit…

#LikeToySoldiers #Mental Health #KeepGOOD #LoseBAD #Kindnessmatters #Domestic Violence #PTSD #C-PTSD #speakupspeakout

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sevikasmainwhore · 2 years

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hiii!!! can we arcane ladies taking care of a sick reader but maybe dying sick this time <3

mhm!!!

Arcane Ladies taking care of dying reader♥︎

Requested ⇢ Yes/No

Type ⇢ Headcanons❥

❤️ Vi wasn’t used to the idea of death. She avoided it for as long as she could. When you were hospitalized, Vi was in a state of confusion and couldn’t really accept it. She didn’t want to know how long you had left. That motivated her to actually stop wasting time on being sad and spend as long as she could with you. Never out of her sight for a second. She’d feed you, hold a napkin or handkerchief over your mouth whenever you had a coughing fit, she did everything she could and more. Even making you laugh which usually causes the coughing fits. Nearly got kicked out of the hospital room because she nearly fought the doctors whenever they told her she had to leave. “I’m not leaving for shit, stop worrying about me and do your damn job” You knew Vi was upset or even angry at the thought of you leaving her forever so you never brought it up, but she could tell you didn’t want her to argue so much. “Vi…please..” She’d look at you with defeat. “I’m sorry Y/n” Slept in the hospital bed with you on multiple occasions. She meant her word when she said she wasn’t leaving.

💙 Caitlyn has dealt with death. She never thought she’d have to deal with it personally but once she found out your situation and how you had to be hospitalized it changed her completely. For awhile, whenever Caitlyn came to take care of you, she’d always do it so full of regret. It was so many things she wanted to do with you and more, why did this have to happen now? Of all the people in the world it just had to be you?? Caitlyn held her composure. Taking good care of you, as if you’d go at any minute. Telling you everything that happened in her day, her time in the office, even telling you about the tiniest things she saw on patrol. Those moments she cherished. How bright your eyes got whenever she told you something new, how big your smile was even on you’re death bed. “You would not believe the shit I had to pull Vi out of today” “Ha, when is she ever not in trouble?” You’d joke. You’d go into a coughing fit and the look Caitlyn gave you was full of sadness. “Caitlyn…stop worrying about me..I’m still here aren’t I?” You’re right. You are still here. Caitlyn never left until the end.

💛 Mel hadn’t experienced death first hand until that incident with her Mother. But that was something that could’ve been controlled, maybe even avoided. This she couldn’t avoid even if she wanted to. Mel made sure she had the best doctors in all of Piltover watching over you. She never stepped foot back in that counselors office in fear that maybe she’ll finally get that letter. She didn’t want that at all. Mel stayed with you, making jokes about certain counsel members to cheer you up and get that smile that she loved so much and would miss even more. Made sure you were up to date with your medication and nearly banished a doctor when they tried telling her “It’s no point Ms. Medarda” The look she gave them could’ve killed them in an instant. Mel never asked how long you had left. It didn’t matter to her. She was going to make sure your days were filled with the biggest amount of joy possible. But of course you had your moments. You’d be too weak to even lift a finger and Mel never did too much. She’d hold onto you’re hand all night rubbing slow circles and kissing it from time to time. “You still with me?” She’d wait. “I’m still here Mel…I’m okay..” Oh how she wish she could believe that.

🧡 Grayson has gotten used to it. She accepted it a long time ago. She knew how precious time was and never thought to waste it, especially on you. Most of the enforcers already knew what the deal was so they didn’t have a second thought about her not coming in. “How are you doing my love?” Grayson always enters with the most concern, always so happy to see you. “Same as always Grayson” you say fondly. Grayson is such a sweetheart. You could never tell if she feels some sort of anguish or even anger because of how full of concern her eyes looked. She’d eat lunch with you, make sure you’re getting everything you need. She knows it’s pointless but she would feel guilty if she didn’t help. Never complains about anything because she’d hate for you to worry about her. She only focuses on you and you alone. “Sheriff, visiting hours are over” They may tell her they’re over but she never leaves. “That’s okay, I’ll stay a little longer” She dismisses them. They don’t argue with her over the situation at hand but mostly because Grayson can be very scary when she wants something. But it’d be late in the room, the hallways are quiet, your heart monitor beeping it’s normal pace, your breathing never faltering. Grayson would be staring at you, thinking. She doesn’t have long, She wants to tell you everything on her mind but she won’t have time. “Why do you have to leave so soon?” She thought she could handle it, but she wasn’t ready.

🤎 Ambessa had seen death first hand, has even caused some deaths in the past. But she never wanted this with you. Death was unavoidable but she wanted to outlive you. She didn’t want to feel this pain. To feel this useless because she couldn’t do anything. Ambessa had you moved to the shared bedroom, with equipment and all. She was going to make sure she was with you every step of the way. Ambessa would often forget her duties as a Warlord because she’s so focused on you. “How are we feeling today honey?” She’d always ask with hope. “You know the answer already” She wish’s she didn’t. Ambessa was never much of a lover or hugger type but she did small things just too see you smile. She would feels if you were ever to weak to even lift your head. On good days you’d both just sit together talking and playing tiny game like iSpy just get your mind off things. “I spy with my little eye…something…green” you were never sure if she was playing but she sure did act like it. “Hmm…the clock.” “Bingo!!” “Awe come on Ambessa you gotta try hard that that” It was moments like that she wish she could hold onto forever.

💜 Sevika had a hard time accepting it. Death was scary to her. It may have been something apart of her job sure but she didn’t everything she could to keep you away from that. Only for all of it to come crashing back into her. She was hesitant to find out how long you had left, she’d attempt to ask but say she’s wasting time and just forget about it. If Sevika had a dollar for every time she thought about giving you to singed so he could fix this, she’d be just about the richest Zaunite there is. Knew that was a cowardly move. It was something she wanted but wasn’t anything you wanted. “Y/n..” “Sevika!!!” You had the brightest smile on your face as if nothing was wrong. “There you are” Sevika gave you a genuine smile, gap toothed and everything. She always took good care of you, helping you bathe and even sneaking you snacks. She’d help you with your medication even if it was no point to it. “Sevika, you know I don’t need this” “Still take it for me, please?” Says she needs you as healthy as you can be because it’s so much more she wanted to do. She knew she wasn’t able to do any of it with whatever amount of time you had left but she had hope that she could do enough.

🤍 Cassandra knew it was coming, it was bound to happpen. Just the thought of sneaking up on her so quickly threw her off. You’re really leaving her? Why? She wasn’t ready to lose you, she never prepared for it. Never once asked how long you had left. She didn’t have to know really because it didn’t matter, she was gonna be with you no matter what. “Cassie!!!” You’d exclaim. “You and that nickname will be the death of me” She’d say, never really was annoyed, in fact she wanted to hear you say again. Cassandra always used her motherly skills in aiding you. Cleaning up your hospital room while you slept, sneaking in candy from the cafeteria, bringing in board games for you so you wouldn’t be bored, even helping with your medication. You never complained about that last part because it was something for her rather than it being for her. Cassandra basically lived there. Stayed so much they had an extra bed put in there just for her. “Goodnight Cassie” You’d say to her from across the room “Sleep well Y/n” Cassandra never went to sleep. To afraid of what could happen to you if she did. It was too many things she wanted to tell you, to show you but she couldn’t. She wasn’t ready for you to go.

💟 Renata avoided it, treated it as if it was another cold. She didn’t want to think your days were numbered way earlier than hers. She had already lost her parents, she wasn’t ready to lose you too. It was only when it got the point where you were too weak to even sit up when she had to realize that she was being selfish. If she kept this up then she’d lose you more sooner that ever. “I’m sorry Y/n..” She’d always apologize, which y oh were sick of. “Ren, stop apologizing. Your wasting time and it’s getting annoying” You’d both laugh. After that Renata finally to it to heart. Helping you bathe, laying in bed with you to watch Tv, sneaking you snacks from out side, nearly got kicked out for it, even bought you little toys or gadgets you could play with either by yourself or together. “Hey Ren, look what at this thing can do” You’d say fidgeting with whatever and Ren would just look at you in awe and infatuation. Even in the hospital you had a way of making her fall in love all over again.

note: this was like a vent fic. i’m proud of this one c:

#☞shhhhh #❥ arcane hc’s #arcane #league of legends #vi x reader #arcane caitlyn x reader #mel x reader #arcane grayson x reader #ambessa x reader #sevika x reader #cassandra x reader #renata glasc x reader

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jade-parcels · 3 years

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The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

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Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

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fruitoftheweek · 3 years

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Little Cherry Book:

Chapter 4:Showered in Sin

Chapter 1 Here / Chapter 2 Here / Chapter 3 Here

Hey guys! I'm sorry that it has taken so long for me to update this. I had an idea of what I was going to write but I had a super hectic week so I wasn't able to write this till now. In order to make up for it, I have given you a treat. A 6,502 word chapter. It kinda beat my ass but I had so much fun writing it. It's sweet, it's spicy, it's all the goodness you guys deserve. I was listening to Duvet by Boa while writing this and I think you should too for two reasons. One, it helps set the mood, but also oh my fucking god it's such a good song. Also, Boa is just a fucking great band. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and message me if you would like to be added to the tag list! Love you guys

Pairing: Spencer Reid X reader

Chapter Plot: After a game of drunk never have I ever after a long case, Morgan locks Spencer out of their shared room. Shenanigans ensue and you and Spencer share a couple of firsts.

Series TW: 18+, smut, degradation, piercing, choking, knife play, mommy/daddy kinks, spanking, exhibitionism, Will update as time goes on

Chapter TW: smut, slight mommy kink, having body piercings, choking, slight blood kink (not really, it's just hard to explain), Shared masturbation (male and female receiving), pleading, multiple orgasms, cumming in pants, shower sexiness, aftercare

Word Count: 6,502

Your deep cherry lipstick painted the white seal of the wine bottle you held in your hand as you laughed at something Elle said. Spencer couldn't help but let a small smile pass his lips as he took in your form, hot from the day's work, small strands of your hair sticking to your forehead, a dewy glow illuminating your rosy cheeks.

After a long week, they had found Carl Arnold before he had been able to kill the Dunken family and even coerced a confession out of him. With spirits running high, Elle had suggested some much-needed relaxation before taking off the next day. Since you were rooming alone, you volunteered to host in your room. Morgan had arrived at your hotel room with two bottles of some sort of liquor, one clear and one amber, JJ trailing in toe with your bottle of red wine you had asked for. You pulled out your little corkscrew with the face of an old man on it, knowing she hated his weird little face. You brought it with you on trips, just in case the occasion arose.

And it did arise as Elle suggested a drinking game. Hotch had retired early after calling Hailey to get an update on his very pregnant wife, while Gideon preferred the solitude of a good book late at night. The rest of you sat on the floor surrounded by drinks and snacks. With the supervision gone, it almost felt like a high school party with no parents. You all had all settled on a classic, never have I ever. "We haven't played this in a long time because we already know so much about each other, but it's fun when we have a newbie around," Morgan said giving you a cheeky smile and bumping your shoulder. Already pliable after the couple of drinks you had while Elle explained the game, you nodded before tipping your lips to the cusp of Spencer's ear. "I'll try not to make it too hard for you, pretty boy," you said. The small puffs of air that left your mouth made Spencer's hair stand on end and his feet curl.

He knew you were teasing him that night and he loved it. He decided to keep his knees tucked to his chest for the rest of the night as to not expose the predicament in his pants. He watched the way you lightly sucked on the wine bottle as you tipped it back, a thin river of cabernet leaking from the corner of your lips and trailing down your neck. Spencer wanted nothing more than to lean over and lap it off of you just to see how you would react, but he knew it was the drinks talking. Despite your earlier comment, it was quite obvious that you were targeting him as his head started to spin gently.

"Never have I ever had sex with someone much older than me," Garcia said through her video feed with a cheeky smirk. Derek had insisted on including her even though she wasn't physically present. She sat bundled up in a comfy blanket in her office with a mug of some sort of alcoholic beverage. "HEY! No targeting! Plus, I told you that in confidence at ladies night. How much is much older?" You said, swaying your bottle towards the computer set up on the floor."You know how much older I mean sweetheart." Garcia said with a giggle as you groaned and took a sip."How much older is much older?" Morgan said with a cocked eyebrow, somewhere between impressed and surprised." I was a college student, experimenting with my professor. Not like an old man, but he was 20 years older than me. Definitely not my style anymore though." You said with a grimace remembering him.

Spencer had learned a lot about your sex life during that game, but some part inside of him smirked, knowing that the rest of the team would never know you as he knew you, not unless they too had read your journal. It was the only thing keeping his head clear of the idea of you with anyone else. Not that you were with him in any capacity, but the idea still made him feel something in his stomach. Not the sweet butterflies that came with your smile, but something more like idiotic hornets dangerously bumping against the walls of his stomach.

Spencer hadn't even noticed the uproar of everyone else around the circle at your comment and the second revelation that Morgan had drunk too. He was too busy watching how you had shyly tucked your hair behind your ear, finally letting it down out of your clips for once. You were wearing your pajamas, just a tank top, slouchy sweater, and flannel pajama pants, but somehow you looked more radiant than ever. He had come back down to earth after hearing someone call his name."Y-Yes?" He sputtered out, realizing you had been trying to get his attention."It's Morgan's turn, pay attention." You said, gently smacking your hand down on his thigh.

If he was riled up before, he was unbelievably undone at the slight sting from where your palm had just been. Light enough that it wasn't noticeable, but hard enough that it erupted a Shockwave through his body, centered on the location of the contact. He bit back the whimper threatening to escape his lips as he turned towards Morgan, trying desperately to not watch you from the corner of his eye.

"Never have I been a virgin at 24," Morgan said, beaming in his direction. Spencer took a big gulp from his glass of whiskey."You always do that one, I don't know why you think it's so funny, you're just trying to get me to drink" he said abashedly. He looked over at you, nervous for your reaction, but you seemed unfazed. "Hey, that's a wonderful gift to have, there's something so special about virgins. Maybe it's the idea that everything is new, but I like it. I love virgins." You said, taking a sip from your bottle, gently swaying. You had given up on never have I ever and just decided to drink whenever you felt like it. Maybe it was because you were tipsy, maybe it was the warm flush that decorated Spencer's cheeks, maybe it was the way he was looking at you with sultry, half-lidded eyes. You couldn't tell, but something made you want to find an excuse for you two to be alone.

"Geese, we seemed to have caught a succubus tonight." Morgan quipped."A suck-you-what now?" You said, cocking an eyebrow at him. " A succubus, it's a demon or supernatural entity in folklore, in female form, that appears in dreams to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. According to religious traditions, repeated sexual activity with a succubus can cause poor physical or mental health, even death. In modern representations, a succubus is often depicted as a beautiful seductress or enchantress, rather than as demonic or frightening." Spencer shot out. "Wow, even when you're drunk, your big brain keeps chuggin' along," you said, sloppily ruffling his hair "A beautiful seductress or enchantress, huh?" That time it came out low, inaudible to the others, but it pierced Spencer like a knife."Do you think that's accurate bout me?" you asked, staring up into his eyes, closer than you have been before. Spencer let a cartoonish gulping noise escape his lips as he held back his urge to lean into your touch.

"Ah, it's my turn," you said, leaning back into your spot in the circle and sadly, away from Spencer." Never have I ever done something naughty at our work," you said, looking straight at Spencer "I'll know if you're lying, I can sniff out a liar from a mile away," your cocky smirk leaking out of your mouth. Everyone except you and JJ took a shot."Wow, really you guys? Even you Spence? " JJ said in disbelief, looking around the circle."Never have I ever, my ass" Spencer mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear, looking over at you, thinking about your pantieless escapades.

"Look at that, Doctor Reid, you need another drink, let me go fix you one," You said as you grabbed his glass in one hand, leaning and gripping hard into his shoulder with the other. It wasn't seen by the others, but between that and the fiery look in your eyes, it sent an obvious message,' keep your mouth shut or I'll shut it for you.' You used him as leverage to get up, nearly pushing him over as you gracefully stumbled to the hotel fridge. He knew what you meant, but he didn't care, your grip on him went straight into his imagination as he envisioned what that grip would feel like in other places. He kind of wanted to push his luck, just so he could see what he had in store.

And push it he did as you handed him the glass, reminding him that it was indeed his turn to play never have I ever. "Never have I ever slept with my professor," He said, obviously targeting you with a glint of mischief in his eyes."Oh yeah, well never have I ever been a virgin at 24." You said, swaying as you sat down."Morgan already said that, dummy. Never have I ever worn stupid dark red lipstick" He retorted, equally as drunk as you. At this point everyone else had zoned you two out and were focused on other things, refreshing their drinks, counting the ceiling tiles, humming a sloppy rendition of My My Miss American Pie, or in Penelope's case, all three."Yeah, well never have I ever been a complete and utter mommas boy!" You continued, the statement turning Spencer beet red. You watched him clench and unclench his hands, you had obviously struck a nerve. Just as you were about to apologize, he cut you off. "Never have I ever had nipple piercings!" He shouted, pointing at your chest, now drawing attention to the obvious balls framing your nipples that you had once been covered by your long-forgotten sweater.

As he said it, it felt like the world went in slow motion. You could see the instant regret on his face as you dropped your bottle in surprise. It had landed on Spencers discarded whiskey glass and both shattered, wine and whiskey mixing with glass to create a slurry on the ground between them. "Fuck! You Guys!" Morgan said, "You got it all over my clothes." "Me too," Echoed Elle as they both stood up in their soaked clothes. "I think that calls it a night." JJ said, closing the laptop on the image of an already sleeping Garcia." Bye you guys, sleep well," you called after them as you and Spencer rushed around looking for towels to clean up the alcohol with.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Spencer cried as you dropped the last of the glass in the garbage can. As you rounded the corner, you saw Spencer pulling a rather large shard of glass that you must have missed out of his thumb, blood pooling at the tip. Without thinking, you crouched down and sucked his thumb into your mouth." A-ah! What... What are you doing!?" Spencer asked breathlessly, looking down at you with a deep hunger in his eyes. You pop off his thumb and squeeze it at the base, slowing the blood flow."Shut up," You said," This helps slow the bleeding. The sucking applies pressure. My mom used to do this for me... And no, do not psychoanalyze that." You said, wrapping your mouth around his finger, sucking to provide some pressure to slow the blood flow. You could taste the iron in your mouth, but you didn't mind, knowing you were helping your friend.

You were helping alright, helping in more ways than you would ever understand. "Yeah, like I'm the only one here with mommy issues," he said distractedly, too busy surveying your lips wrapped around him. You slapped your hand down on his thigh once more, eliciting a small whimper from him. He couldn't help it, you were a sight of beauty, you always were, but looking down on you right then, Spencer wanted to bottle that moment forever. The tops of your breasts peeking out from the top of your tank top, your eyes filled with a hazy glow, looking up at him to make sure he was ok, and your cheeks hollowing out around his thumb as you delicately sucked on his wound. It was as close as Spencer had ever gotten to anything sexual. He could feel your tongue swirling around the cut, lapping up the last couple drops of blood. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if it was another appendage and not his thumb. You sucked on his thumb one last time, harder than you had previously, and before he even knew what he was doing, his hips bucked up, rubbing his hard cock against his pajama pants, finally relieving his mounting orgasm.

You let go of his finger with a pop as your tongue trailed off of the underside of his thumb. Spencer looked anywhere but you, as a wet patch formed through his thin underwear and pajama pants. He hurried to cover it with his sweater, shooting up from his seated position."Um, Um, I'm g-gonna go shower and go to bed." He said, hurriedly scurrying over to where he had left his room key." Sorry partner, I saw Morgan accidentally grab both of your keys on the way out. He's probably asleep by now." You said languidly, leaning back to take in the sight of the soft boy in front of you. Totally flushed with heat, small beads of sweat peppering his forehead, his hands twiddling suspiciously into his sweater in an attempt to conceal crotch, trying and failing miserably to hide his rapidly cooling cum.

He whined a little, lighting a fire in you. He looked so thoroughly fucked out, and all you had done was suck his finger. You knew that you just had to play with him some more. "You know, you can use my shower, doctor." You said, and he let out a small sigh of relief, heading towards the bathroom. "There is one condition, though," You smirked coyly as he halted his motions, his body facing away from you. It was almost as if he was ready to run away at any moment. You walked over to him, slowly, taking your time to tease him. The silence hung heavy in the air as you looked up into his eyes questioningly, waiting for him to ask. "Wh-what is the condition." He said, unable to return your gaze, hands fisted in the hem of his sweater, pulling it down even further. You smirked, dipping your hands up and under his sweater, nearly brushing his spent cock before gently placing them on his bare stomach, just above his waistband. He sucked in a tight breath as you gently swirled your fingers in the short hair that lead from his belly button down to happier places." Before I ask, do you know about the color scale?" you said, fingers smoothing out over his little stomach." Um, k-kinda?" He said, heat flushing his cheeks."Green means good keep going, yellow means slow down, and red means stop right now, ok?" You said, looking up at him as he nods."Come on pretty boy, I need verbal confirmation. I need to know that you understand, got it." You said with a little pinch to his tummy. "Y-Yes, I understand!" He blurted out, standing stiff as a board." Good boy. Now, for my condition. You can shower if you show me what you're hiding." You said, leaning close enough that if Spencer breathed, your chests would meet each other. "What color, Spencer?" you said, languidly drawing lines up and down his torso with your nails."G-Green, Very green." He sputtered out, finally meeting your eyes."That's what I like to hear, sweet boy." You said before your fingers danced below his waistline, now somewhat crusty from his cum."W-wait!" He says, just as you were about to take him in your hand. You instantly stopped and looked up at him gently."We can stop here baby, it's not a problem." You said, beginning to remove your hand from his pants. He grabbed your hand through his pants, stopping your movement."It-It's not that. I don't want to stop, I just want... well..." He said and looked down shyly. "What do you want baby, anything," You smiled up at him. "Um, I haven't had my first kiss yet and I kinda... Well... I kinda..." He said, shuffling his feet, face beet red. Your eyebrows shot up quickly in surprise before letting out a gentle smile."Do you want a kiss, pretty boy?" You said, gently brushing the hair out of his face. He nodded, and you grabbed his chin, bringing him close. "Use your words, pretty boy. What do you want?" You whispered, breath gently ghosting Spencer's lips as he took you in up close. He could see every little pore and dimple of your skin and every color hidden in the depth of your eyes and he knew he needed to have you.

He shakily leaned forward, lips gently meeting yours, so light that if you hadn't seen his actions, you wouldn't have even known if you had touched. You moved your hand down to his throat, giving a light squeeze."Come on genius, use your words," you said as he whimpered. "Please, can I kiss you, please, please?" He begged, leaning into your touch, pleading for you to squeeze again. His efforts shoot straight to your heart. You indulged him in a kiss, not as spicy as the situation would permit, more of a sweet heat. He came in too hot and heavy at first, but you kissed him languidly, gently stroking his cheek to get him in the rhythm. His arms were straight out at his sides, hands clenched as if he was willing every muscle in his body to not touch you.

You let out a small laugh as you melted into his kiss, soft, puffy lips dancing across yours. "You know you can touch me," You said, pulling back, smiling at the smear of your lipstick, now staining his lips, and the endearing puppy dog eyes he was giving you. "Where can I touch you?" He whispered out as if he were telling a secret. "Wherever you want, baby. Wherever your heart desires." You replied, bringing your arms up to wrap loosely around his neck, pulling your bodies closer. He was as stiff as a board as his hands flitted around trying to find a good place to land. He finally settled on weaving his arms around your waist and up to cradle your neck, gently carding his fingers through the hair that fell at the nape of your neck. There was something so sweet in the way he cradled your body with feather-light touches as if you would disappear like smoke if he lingered too long. You reveled in the feeling of you two pressed together, slightly uncomfortable at the stiff material of his pajama pants on your stomach.

"Hey sweetheart," You said, pulling away as he chased after your lips, "I'm feeling kinda sweaty from the day, would you like to join me in the shower? What color?" "G-green, yes please." He said, tentatively pressing a kiss to your collarbone, exposed as the strap of your tank top had fallen down. You unwound from him, taking his hand delicately in your own, instantly missing the warmth his body provided.

You lead him into the bathroom, carefully stepping over the wine-soaked towels discarded on the floor before shutting the door and turning to face him. "I don't want to take this too fast for you because I know it's all very new so always tell me how you are feeling and if everything is ok. I want this to be good for you baby, ok?" You said, squeezing his hand that was still intertwined with yours. "Ok, th-thank you," He said shyly.

"Now, what do you want to do first? You're probably pretty uncomfortable in those pants, do you want me to take them off you?" You said, hooking one of your fingers into his waistband, pulling on in slightly creating a much-needed separation between his sticky cock and his uncomfortable pants."Y-Yes please" He said as you turned on the shower, allowing it to warm up in preparation for cleaning him off before turning back to him. You gently grabbed the hem of his sweater and pulled it over his head, leaving him shirtless in front of you.

Lean muscles were hidden under a layer of peachy soft skin highlighting the gentle trail of dark curly hair leading from his belly button down past his pants. His arms curled around himself as he watched your eyes carefully, ready for some sort of judgment. "I know I'm not really that s-strong or anything but I can work on it-" You cut him off with a gentle kiss right above his belly button, startling him. You looked up sweetly into his eyes and gave him a soft smile, saying "You are so beautiful, Spencer. Morgan calls you pretty boy, but he truly has no idea. I would have you no other way than you are right now."

You gently peppered his chest with feather-light kisses, making him blush. He finally understood why people liked hickeys because as you trailed down his chest, the little wine red lipstick you had left on your lips left marks trailing down his chest. Some part of him wished they were permanent, showing off to all that could see, and they would know exactly who he belonged to. You dipped your hand into his waistband, asking, "What color?" "Green, very green," he choked out as your breath ghosted across his abdomen. You looked so beautiful, kneeled on the floor in front of him, taking care of him so gently and treating him so sweetly that he could feel his cock begin to harden again.

You looked up into his eyes as you pulled his pants down. He let out a soft sigh of relief as he was uncaged from his unfortunate trouser situation. His cock flipped down out of his pants, nearly smacking you in the forehead as you looked up at it in awe. Even though it was only semi-hard, it was bigger than any you had ever seen before. Spencer looked down at you shyly "it's not that much, I-I know but I've been researching techniques to make up for it in order to give sufficient pleasure for you- I mean for whatever partners I may have, not that I am saying that I won't please you, I dream of pleasuring you! ... I'm digging myself a hole aren't I."He rambled, rubbing the back of his neck worriedly. "Spencer, you are huge. Way more than I have ever had before. See?" You said, standing up, gently lifting his cock in your hand, measuring it against your stomach.

Maybe Spencer hadn't noticed because it was proportionate to his body and his big hands, but being held in your petite hands and measured against your stomach, he finally did see how much he would fill you up. The tip of his dick just barely reached past the gems that decorated your belly button piercing. "W-Woah." He said growing harder at the thought of pushing so deep into you. He looked up to your face, which was preoccupied with looking down at how far he would reach up in you.

Tearing your eyes away from him and up to his own, you flushed, knowing that he had caught you staring. "What would you like me to do next?" You spoke softly. Despite being the only two in the room, you two both talked in hushed tones, worrying that anything more than that would burst the delicate bubble you two had created. "Can we match?" He said, and you instantly understood him, despite the odd vernacular. You began to slip off your shirt, but he stopped you with an arm on your shoulder. "C-Can I do it?" He said shyly. "Of course, pretty baby," you barely get out before he drifted his hands under your tank.

He slowly lifted your top over your head as he took in the soft smooth feeling of your skin against his, goosebumps pricking up wherever his fingers trailed. You stood in front of him, shirtless as he took in your form. He had imagined what your breasts would look like. Nipples always hard due to your piercings, what your jewelry would look like, but nothing could prepare him for the glimmering moonstone gems that adorned your nipples and navel. Everything matched exactly, including the delicate necklace you wore around your neck.

The only thing he liked more than the perfection of your body was the features that made you, you. Some might call them imperfections, but to Spencer, all he could see in you was beauty. The gentle bruises on your skin from tangles with unsubs, the soft stretch marks that adorned your hips like little valleys and winding rivers, the slight blemishes, and hairs. He loved it because you were the embodiment of the confidence he wished for in himself. While he was always nervous about his body and how others perceived him, you loved yourself for exactly who you were, and you loved him for exactly who he was.

He pulled down your pants, gently following the twist and turn of the stretch marks as they winded down your hips, making sure to kneel down to pull them all the way off of you as you delicately stepped out, gently grabbing onto his hair to keep your balance as you swayed. He moaned softly at the gentle tug of your fingers while he stared up at you in awe. You took his hand in yours, coaxing him to stand.

You both stood there, taking in each other's forms for a moment, hands still connected as if by a thread at the pinky before you spoke. "We shouldn't waste water. Let me clean you off, sweetheart." He nodded before following after you into the gentle spray of the shower, steam now filling the room. He marveled at the way that the water droplets cascaded down your body, gently running down your curves. "Come here," you said, pulling him into a gentle embrace under the hot water.

Your two bodies pressed gently together, and Spencer couldn't help but think that you were molded for each other. Not in the way that a sculptor may stick two unmatched pieces of clay together with slip, more like one rock that had been split by the earth finally returning together. Something about your touch felt like home as you gently cradled him under the water.

He was so enthralled in your being that he didn't notice you gently scrubbing him with a washcloth until the scent of your body wash permeated the air. You gently scrubbed his back, washing off the sweat of the day and replacing it with you. He melted into you as your hands reached up, lathering his hair with shampoo. He wasn't sure if it was because he realized you should probably be getting washed too or because he desperately wanted to ride his hands along the planes of your body, but he decided to lather up his hands and wash you as well. "You are such a good boy. Thank you for cleaning me up" You said, resting your head gently on his chest, softly swirling the soap around his back, now finished scrubbing all you could from that angle, waiting to turn him around.

He moved carefully, avoiding your butt, still too nervous to touch. "Make sure you get everything, sweet boy. I like to be clean when I go to bed." You said, gently grabbing his hand and pulling it down to cup your butt. He inhales a sharp breath as he indulged in a gentle squeeze, continuing to wash you. He washed your back but his hands would occasionally drift down to your ass, growing more confident as he unknowingly rocked into you slightly with every squeeze, letting out soft keening noises.

You peeled yourself off of him as he rutted into the air, whining at the loss of friction. "Slow down, naughty boy. Bad boys don't get to touch. Are you a bad boy?" you asked as you placed a finger on the tip of his cock, swirling it in the precum pooling there despite the water's efforts to wash it off. "No, no! I'm a good boy! You're just so pretty, and you feel so good, and you smell so nice, and I wanna touch you, and I want you to touch me, please." He blurted out, looking at you with hungry eyes, begging for more friction. "Where do you want to touch me baby?" you asked as his eyes raked over your body, taking in all of his options. "I want to touch your boobies and your- your-" "My what? You can say it, naughty boy." You cut him off in his stammering. "Your pussy, I want to touch your pussy." He said, the hot water spreading the blush from his cheeks down his chest, tingeing his cock with a pretty pink hue. "What naughty words from such a pretty boy. You can touch-" he cut you off, lunging towards your body before you grabbed him by the throat, squeezing experimentally. Not too hard, not too soft. He moaned, and you felt the vibrations traveling up your hands."Let me finish what I was saying. Naughty boys don't get to touch. They get spanked." You said as he mewled." What I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted was that you can touch, AFTER I wash you and after you finish washing me. Only after, you got it?" you said, squeezing a little tighter. "Y-yes." he croaked out. "Good boy," you replied.

You washed out the shampoo in his hair, replacing it with conditioner as he did the same for you. You squirted more soap onto your washcloth, preparing to test him. You took the washcloth in your hand, slowly working over his legs, arms, and chest, teasingly brushing over his overspent cock before returning to cleaning him. He washed you thoroughly, taking care to wash your legs before making sure your stomach and belly button piercing were thoroughly cleaned. Finally, he reached up to wash the leftover makeup off of your face. He touched you like a porcelain doll, worried that you would crack under even the slightest pressure, making you giggle. He flinched, thinking he hurt you, but you grabbed his face in your hands, delivering him a kiss that covered his face in soap.

You both stood there, laughing for a second, relishing the moment before you let out a shy smile. "You can touch my chest now, but make sure you clean my piercings carefully." He looked down at your chest, and now that he'd been given permission, he didn't really know what to do. You could see the puzzled look on his face so you grabbed one of his soapy hands in yours and brought it to your breast. He squeezed experimentally, and you let out a gentle moan. You had been keeping in your arousal to draw out his teasing, but you couldn't hold yourself back as you felt his large hands grasp around your chest and roll your nipple in his fingers.

There was a sweet dichotomy in the harshness of his grasp on your boob, coupled with the gentle twist of your nipple. It was as if he was worried to hurt your piercings, so he made up for it in his grasp. You brought the washcloth down to his cock, hard against his stomach, and began to work him. He whined at the harsh material. "I need to clean you up, baby. You still have a cummy cock. If you beg hard enough when I'm done, I will touch you." You said into his ear as he rested his head on your shoulder.

He was overstimulated, and you could tell, so you decided you wouldn't take as long as you wanted to tease him. But you would still draw it out for your own pleasure. He was bucking and mewling into you as you roughly got him off. It shot you straight to your core, the heat from the shower mixed with his grasp on you, physically and visually, had you closer than you wanted, and deep down you just wanted him to touch you.

When you deemed him clean enough you let the rag drop to the floor. "Beg" you moaned out. "Please, please touch me, I want your hand on me, that's all I want." He whined, bucking into the air. You took pity on him, grasping him with your soap-covered hand. He hissed as your soft touch replaced the rough rag and you could tell he was close. "Touch me, Spencer." You said and his hand shot to your core. His tentative moves giving way to a natural confidence. As he slipped a hand between your folds he could feel you dripping with desire. "O-Oh my god," was all he could stammer out before sinking two of his fingers into your depths, thumb circling your clit. You knew his fingers were long, and you had even fantasized about this exact moment, but nothing could prepare you for his actual length. He had said he did research but that was proven by how quickly he found your g spot and clit. You doubled over in pleasure as his fingers thoroughly fucked you out.

"Spencer, I'm so close, baby. Be a good boy and make me cum." You said, slumping against his shoulder, rubbing yourself against his hand. "Mommy, I'm cumming." He said, looking into your eyes as his body shuttered. His words ricochetted around in your brain, sending you over the edge as you cum all down his hand. You bit into his shoulder to muffle your scream, just as he matched you, cumming down your hand.

You came down from your high as Spencer nearly collapsed onto you. You took extra care in making sure he was all clean before helping him out of the shower and into a towel. He leaned against you the whole time as you got him ready for bed. You forced him to brush his teeth before dragging him to bed.

He sat at the edge, eyes bleary with sleep, taking in the events of the day. You sat behind him, gently toweling off his hair before brushing it and putting lotion on his body. He leaned into your touch, appreciating being cared for, feeling as if everything had been a dream. "C-Can I sleep here? I mean Morgan locked me out and I don't have pants and-" You cut him off with a gentle kiss."Of course, sweetheart, do you want to cuddle? It's ok if you don't or if you want this to be a one-time thing, it's all up to you, baby." You said, gently sweeping his hair out of his face as he looked up with eyes the size of dinner plates. "We can do this more than once? You'll let me? For real?" He asked. "Only if you want to sweetheart. This is all about you." You said, giving him a small smile tinged with a slight sadness. "That's not very fair, I want it to be about you too. What do you want?"

The question knocked you off guard. You're not used to people asking what you want. Usually, people just take and give none in return. The fact that Spencer Reid, your adorable virgin coworker was asking you what you wanted with such a sincere look, caused tears to prick into your eyes. "No one has asked me that in a long time," you smiled, "I would love to do this, and more again with you Spencer. Whenever you want." He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down so you were lying next to each other on the bed. "Whenever we want" He corrected, cuddling into you.

You surveyed the bite make you left on his shoulder, running your hand over it. "Sorry for marking you up, I didn't mean to hurt you." You said softly as he blushed. "I-I was actually wondering... well... could you maybe give me a hickey? I like that you marked me." He said. You obliged him, giving him long kisses and sucks, gradually working up your force until a large purple bruise had formed on his collar bone. He was gently moaning the whole time, but you didn't want to work him up again as he had already cum twice that night and you didn't think he could handle more. He looked down at it as you pulled away, and you could see a question lingering on his mind.

"What's up?" you asked, smoothing his hair with your hand. "You said you hadn't been asked what you want in a long time, and I was wondering, well... who gave you your piercings?" he asked tentatively and you laughed." You have been reading my book too much, how many chapters have you read?" You said and he looked up at you surprised."You knew? and... well... only 3 chapters. I didn't want to pry into your private life." He said. "You just pried enough to know I want to get pierced by someone?" You asked raising an eyebrow. Before he could get an excuse out, you cut him off. "Well for a genius, you obviously didn't read it that carefully. I said I WOULD like to be pierced during sex, meaning I have not before. These are just standard piercings from a piercing shop, not a big deal, I just like the way they look." You said and he let out a sigh of relief. "Why? d'you get jealous?" you questioned him. He looked down and nodded shyly.

"I can be a lot of firsts for you but if you play your cards right, you can be a lot of firsts for me too. You already gave me a first tonight. You called me mommy. No one's done that before but it was really hot. I liked it a lot." You said matter of factly. "But that is a conversation for another day. It is 2 am and we need to be on a flight at 7:30, so let's get some sleep." You said, turning off the lights and cuddling up close to him. In a matter of seconds, you both were asleep, tangled into each other's arms, both of you feeling, for once, safe and sound.

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Chapter 1 Here / Chapter 2 Here / Chapter 3 Here

Well wasn't that a doozy. I had so much fun writing that and I think it paid off for sure. Shoot me a message if you want to be added to my beloved tag list, speaking of which.

@spencer-reids-slut @ya-triedit @reidstoychest @flipperpenguins @thatsonezesty13 @jbbarnes-loki @big-galaxy-chaos

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #sub spencer #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #sub!spencer #pervspence #pervespencer #perve spencer reid #perv spencer reid

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miekasa · 3 years

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the babysitter’s club (1)

+ pairing: levi ackerman + (fem) reader, featuring bright-eyed but very easily intimidated interns and part-time babysitters eren and armin who are trying their best

+ genres and warnings: modern au, parents au, fluff, yes the dog’s name is captain and he’s tiny what about it

+ summary: eren and armin are good subordinates, who happen to be pretty good babysitter, too. usually.

+ word count: 2.7k

+ notes: this was just something fun i edited and reworked again, also to provide some more insight about dad levi and my oc kids; this focuses only on holden, who is the oldest of the bunch, but you’ll more about the rest as they go

It’s not that Levi doesn’t trust Holden’s babysitters, he just would rather watch over her himself. Moreover, he would rather have the time to spend with his small daughter instead of having to leave her in the care of someone else who isn’t you, but sometimes life gets busy, and babysitters come in real handy.

He still doesn’t understand why Erwin would schedule the both of you to attend such important work-related meetings on the same weekend; much less, to send you half-way around the world for yours, and then book Levi for damn near twelve hours on a Saturday. He would murder Erwin if he weren’t his direct boss, and a long-time friend. But shit happens, and while it’s a major inconvenience and pain in his ass to be working on a weekend, it’s good to know he could rely on the brats at the office to step up on such short notice.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that if anything happens, I won’t hesitate to dismember you,” Levi says calmly, closing his briefcase after triple-checking its contents.

“Of course,” Armin stiffens visibly, awkward laughter seeping through his words, “Eren and I would never let anything happen to Holden.”

To his left, Holden has already tugged Eren to the coffee table for a game of children’s Scrabble, determined to show off her new skills. Levi smiles slightly as he remembers playing the game with her last week, and how awe-struck she was to have seen Levi create a word bigger than “unattainable”—which is currently the longest word in her four-year-old vocabulary. But he’s certain she would have no trouble beating Eren.

He gives Armin a slight nod. He knows Holden is in good hands; or good enough hands with Armin, anyway. It’s not the first time the duo has babysat, and for as air-headed and clumsy Eren could be at the office, he seemed to be pretty damn good with kids if Holden’s attachment to the brunette was anything to go by.

Levi recounts that you’ve questioned on multiple occasions why Eren was so dedicated to being your PA when he seemed to have a potential career in taking care of, and maybe even teaching children. Not that he’s not a good assistant to you, but he’s certainly not as organized or detailed-oriented as Armin. Levi shrugs away the thought. Eren’s career choices are none of his business; his only concern is that he keeps his daughter safe and sound.

“Right. My card is on the kitchen island, you can buy lunch and dinner or whatever, I don’t think there’s much in the fridge,” Levi informs Armin. He looks briefly to the clock on the wall; he really should get going. “Remember to walk Captain at some point, and no matter what Holden says, he absolutely does need a leash on him. If Erwin isn’t being a complete asshat, I’ll be home by nine. (Y/N) will probably still be on her flight, so call me if you need anything.”

Armin nods enthusiastically, promising Levi that they would take care of everything. They’d better.

“Alright, I’m heading out,” Levi announces, pulling his keys from the table near the door, “Be good, Holden. Tell Armin and Eren if you need anything.”

Holden’s head perks up at the sound of her name. Elegantly, or as elegantly as a four-year-old can be, she stands from her seated crisscross position, to run over to Levi by the door. He should remind her that she should use walking feet inside the house, but he can’t bring himself to, instead crouching down to meet her height.

“Bye, daddy,” she tells him sweetly. Levi reaches a hand out to ruffle the top of her head, much to the small girl’s chagrin. She sports a grimace almost identical to his as he reaches up to try and smooth out the aftermath of her father’s affections, “Daddy!”

Levi can’t help but chuckle, reaching two fingers out to poke at his daughter’s forehead. “Be good. I’ll be back soon.”

“Mommy too?”

Levi sighs, “No, mommy doesn’t come back until Tuesday.”

“That’s four days away,” Holden’s doesn’t hesitate to express her dissatisfaction. Levi nods, a little proud of how quickly she’d calculated that in her head, “Can Eren stay until Tuesday?”

“No, Eren cannot.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Holden crinkles her nose. Levi really has got to do something about her fascination with Eren.

Holden looks backwards to where Eren is still seated around the coffee table, he and Armin watching the father-daughter duo. After reconciling with the fact that Eren does, in fact, have his own home to go back to at the end of the day, Holden turns back around, and holds her hand up, palm facing Levi. He does the same, bringing his larger palm to hers, so that her hand is pushed against the middle of his.

Not one for hugs, kisses, or larger displays of affection, Holden simply turns her palm so that her hand grabs around Levi’s as best as possible, hooking her thumb around his pinky finger—what Levi’s heard the young girl call a hand hug.

“Bye, daddy,” she repeats, squeezing his hand, “Come back soon.”

Levi bends his fingers to wrap around her hand, “I will.”

“Keep an eye on her,” Levi reminds Armin and Eren, after standing back up and gripping his briefcase in his hand, “Don’t cause too much trouble.”

“Holden never causes trouble,” Eren says in response, but his words are spoken in coos to the young girl, who’s already back at his side.

Levi scoffs, “I was talking to you.”

“We’ll be fine, boss, don’t worry,” Eren chuckles with an awkward blush, “We love looking after Holden.”

“I’m not your boss,” Levi deadpans, double-checking his pockets for his keys, “You’d better hope everything is fine. Call me if anything happens, I’ll be back soon.”

With one final round of good-byes, and a wave from his daughter, Levi’s out the door, and stepping into his car with a grimace. It was just one stupid day out of his life. Besides, Holden would be fine with Armin and Eren; she always is. Levi is just grumpy that he can’t be the one to spend the day with her.

He sighs, reluctantly, putting his keys in the ignition. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could come back to Holden. Everything would be fine in the meantime; for now, he had to focus on how he was going to get himself to sit through Erwin’s long-ass meeting.

“Levi! Hi! Um… okay, so don’t freak out, but Armin and I are at the hospital with Holden right now—don’t freak out—because there was a small incident at lunch—don’t freak out and fire me please—but! It’s all gonna be okay, they’re already treating her and she’s doing fine now, so don’t freak—”

“Tell me not to freak out one more fucking time and I’ll castrate Armin and feed you his balls myself.”

“You sound a little freaked out,” Eren placates, wincing and holding his phone away from his ear when Levi growls in response.

“You have five seconds to tell me what you two idiots did to my daughter and explain why I shouldn’t decapitate you immediately.”

“It’s a funny story, actually—so, um, we think Holden might be allergic to nuts…?”

“What do you mean might be, Jaeger?”

Eren can feel his heart in his throat. He eyes Armin on the other side of Holden’s hospital bed. He looks no better—color almost completely drained from his face, but Eren doesn’t think he can say much else to his boss before his knees give out from underneath him.

“Uh, well, it was a lot of technical terms, and—I—um, actually I’m going to let Armin explain!” Eren hurries, all but chucking his phone at the unsuspecting blonde.

Armin’s blue eyes look almost grey with anxiety, but before he can protest, Eren is flailing his hands and pointing fingers and reminding him that Levi will kill them both if he doesn’t start talking.

Reluctant, and terrified, Armin finally lifts the phone to his ear, stuttering out a pathetic hello, but Levi cuts him off before he can say anything else.

“Save it. Send me your location, and pray I don’t kill you when I get there.” Armin chokes out a “yes, sir,” before slowly bringing the phone down to his side.

The good news is that Holden’s allergic reaction wasn’t too severe: her throat had been irritated, and hives had emerged as a result, but it hadn’t been closing up. And luckily, Eren had the endurance to run nearly a mile and half with a four year old tucked under his arm; because with the traffic Armin observed whilst he and Captain huffed and lagged behind, it would have taken thrice as long to get Holden to the ER had they waited and called for an ambulance.

Even better was that Holden was an unnervingly calm kid, even whilst having an allergic reaction. She looked almost back to normal now, save for a few red looking blotches on her neck and upper arm; and seemed more than content to be watching a video on Eren’s phone, despite the situation. She was a little bummed out to find out that she could never eat the new ice cream she liked so much ever again, but she seemed to quickly get over it once Eren reminded her that there were lots of other flavors out there for her to try. Flavors that wouldn’t make her choke to death.

Still, Eren and Armin could probably kiss their jobs goodbye, seeing as they had nearly just poisoned their bosses’ daughter. Holden seemed to like them enough, but, unfortunately, Holden wasn’t the Ackerman who signed their checks.

At the very least, Eren doesn’t think you’ll be too upset with him. He doesn’t think you’ll be ecstatic to hear that while you were away on your already inconvenient work-trip on the other side of the globe, that he also managed to land your daughter in a hospital bed… but you were the more forgiving one. Then again, maybe not so forgiving when it comes to the health and wellbeing of your daughter.

Eren falls back against the wall in dread. You weren’t even in the same country as him and he was worried about what you might say or do to him. Levi was probably less than twenty minutes away and fully capable of beheading him.

“You… uh, you think the Interior Branch is still looking for interns?” Eren breaks the silence, looking towards Armin, who’s taken the seat next to Holden’s bed, petting Captain robotically as the dog sits in his lap.

“I don’t think it matters,” Armin responds, “They won’t hire corpses.”

Fifteen minutes, and several run red lights later, Levi is bursting through the doors to the pediatric wing of the emergency room. He doesn’t care about the old woman at the reception yelling at him for causing a ruckus, or the other parents, doctors, or visitors eyeing him for marching around like he owned the place. Holden was in there somewhere, and he was going to get to her.

“Holden—oh, god, Holden,” Levi coos, frantic, as he marches into Holden’s room, scurrying to the side of her hospital bed. A cold hand reaches up to stroke her face. Angry, red bumps litter the sides of neck, her cheeks are puffier than usual, and the perimeter of her mouth seems a bit irritated, but Levi is relieved. She’s okay, his baby girl is okay.

“’M fine, daddy,” Holden assures him. She’s almost overly-perceptive for her age, able to pick up on her father’s out of character antics, and does her best to console him. “Eren ran with me all the way here when I started coughing and itchin.’”

Levi nods, the dark grey splotches in Holden’s eyes bringing him comfort, ensuring him that she was okay. “They gave me a shot, and I don’t like needles, but I didn’t even cry at all. Ask, Armin and Eren, they saw! Captain, too.”

“Brave girl,” Levi smiles, reaching his hand up to push her hair out of her face then leans over to press a kiss to her forehead.

Levi had almost forgotten that Eren and Armin were in the room until he hears a blundering cough from behind him. The younger boys look petrified, Eren practically shaking in his shoes, while Armin doesn’t even have the confidence to look him in the eye.

“We’re really sorry, Levi,” Eren apologizes, voice scratchy and wobbly, like he’d been the one to just get a shot, “We didn’t know—and when she started coughing and saying she couldn’t breathe, I swear, I ran here as fast as I could—”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s… fine?”

Levi sighs. Maybe he’d been a little harsh with them on the phone, letting his emotions get the best of him. He’d already been pissed off enough to not have the time to spend with Holden this weekend; hearing that she’d been hurt was just the final push over the edge for him, but it wasn’t necessarily Armin or Eren’s fault.

“I didn’t know either,” Levi exhales, reaching at hand out to pet the top of Holden’s head again, the young girl now distracted once again by the phone in her hand, “She’s never had a reaction to anything before, and neither (Y/N) or I have any strong allergies.”

Armin shuffles where he’s standing. “The doctor said she might be allergic to tree nuts. We, uh, we gave her pistachio ice cream after lunch.”

If there’s anything concerning Levi, it’s that they gave Holden ice cream before dinner, but he supposes he can let it go for now.

“Eren told me to try it, and it tasted good, daddy,” Holden interjects, “Before I started coughing, it was good.”

“Ah, well, you can’t—you shouldn’t eat things that make you feel sick!” Eren stutters loudly.

“But it was good,” Holden pouts, “And you said to try new things, Eri. I won’t know if it makes me sick if I don’t try them.”

Levi holds back his laughter. He knows that Holden definitely wouldn’t want to try the same same flavor again knowing now that she was allergic to it; she was just pulling at Eren’s leg. Levi would have to keep an eye out for the stuff anyway, especially if her oh-so-precious Eren has expressed any former love for it.

“Um, Levi, sir,” Armin calls, pulling Levi’s attention towards the blonde, “We didn’t know if (Y/N) would have landed already, but do you think you should call her, to, um, let her know?”

Levi’s face pales three shades when he realizes that none of them had already informed you that your daughter was currently hospitalized with a new found allergy.

“You can call her,” Levi says, a shudder in his spine at the thought of relaying this information to you, “That’s your death sentence, not mine.”

#aot x reader #snk x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman smut #eren x reader #aot fluff

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lovelybarnes · 3 years

Text

god- l. laufeyson

pairings: loki laufeyson x reader, mentions of other avengers x reader

warnings: mentions of blood and injuries, veryyy little angst

about: requested! loki gets captured by avengers and healer!reader watches him

a/n: thank you so so much for requesting! i am so sorry it took me this long to finish it, and it came out so much longer than i planned, but i didn’t want loki to be ooc, i hope this was good!!

part two

the words you’ve been reading over and over again are beginning to blur. you can’t find it in yourself to care too much, instead choosing to shut the book and stare at the door. your fingers are tapping on the hard plastic protecting the thin cot underneath you, and you try to concentrate on the noise rather than the worry you can’t seem to shake.

they were supposed to be back by now, you think, teeth finding your bottom lip. you weren’t allowed on this mission. while they said the reason you were staying was because they didn’t need everyone, the blatant absence of every single avenger and extended hero said the opposite. you knew the reality was that the threat you weren’t even informed about was greater than usual, and while you had powers, they weren’t as helpful as others when it came to fighting.

so you were stuck waiting for the teammates you hadn’t heard from for nearly ten hours, only able to stand by until they inevitably came back with cuts and bruises for you to fix. halting the thought of if before you could think more of it, you stood, beginning to set up all the medical equipment you usually use for when they arrive. you’re distracting yourself with pointlessly organizing popsicle sticks that you won’t need when you hear the unmistakable sound of footsteps on the hallway. you immediately look out your open door, expecting to see the avengers, bringing the smell of blood and exhaustion, not… loki.

you can’t seem to stop how your lips part and your eyes follow him as he nears, suddenly catching his eyes through the movement of the agents surrounding him. your face heats when his lips quirk up in a small smile, sending you a flirty wink before he’s passed and you are left staring at the trace of him. you’re in a trance, and as much as you’d like to blame it on the god’s magic, you know it’s simply how attracted you are to him, even when you know you shouldn’t be.

you’ve never had a conversation with the god, barely been in the same vicinity as him, and your mind seems to be flooded with him. the avengers rarely talk about him, and on the occasion they do, it’s never remotely kind. you understand why- you saw the damage he’d caused in new york, but the more you read on him, the more you can somewhat understand why he did it, as inappropriate as it is. you’d asked thor to bring you books from asgard that loki has read and asked him to tell you about loki.

you can’t help it- the god is intriguing; it’s so magnificent how powerful he is that it nears terrifying, and he’s so stunning you’re concerned you’d make a fool of yourself in front of him, or cut your fingers on his cheekbones (although how the hell would your fingers get there? you prefer to not think too much into your impossible fantasies).

you’re not even completely certain that what just happened actually happened- because there is no way loki laufeyson looked at a puny mortal like you and didn’t gag.

a hand dropping on your shoulder is what snaps you out of it, turning around to see sam and bucky, “you good?” sam asks, and you nod, scanning the men for the injuries they came to you for. sam has a large gash along his thigh that you can see through a slash on his uniform, and forming bruises along the rest of his body, tiny cuts scattered on his face. bucky is considerably better, his speed healing is helping. there is dried blood that you’ll clean later on his face, small and slightly more serious cuts all over him but already healing, and a clearly dislocated shoulder that he set.

“alright, sam, you know the drill. bucky, please don’t grab any medical supplies and stitch anything like last time and just let me do my thing,” you request, lowering the stretcher so sam doesn’t stress any of his injuries when he sits. “lay down so i can get to work on that cut on your leg, sam.”

you help him on the bed and let him settle down by himself while you soak gauze in antiseptic for bucky. sam’s shirt is off when you turn back, holding back a wince at the darkening bruise splayed on his abdomen. you cut away his pants, wiping away all the blood surrounding the wound and cleaning it with water. “clean,” you mutter, lightly dragging your fingers along the wound, a warm pink sparkling where your touch had been, disappearing with the slice in his skin.

sam sighs when it’s all healed, looking down at his leg, “i am never getting used to that,” you hum a laugh when you move to some of the smaller cuts on his face, all of them healing with a simple move of your fingers. the yellowing that was beginning to form along his abdomen fades back into his normal skin color when your hands drift past them, and he smiles in satisfaction.

“well no broken bones this time,” you point out, patting his leg proudly. he grins, sitting up, “you proud of me?”

“very,” you respond, pressing a kiss to his cheek that relaxes all of his sore muscles, “you’re a gift to this world,” he thanks. you smile in response, sitting bucky down where sam was. sam picks up the clothing you always leave out, moving into your small bathroom to change while you work on bucky.

“how did it go?” you ask him, cleaning away the blood on his face. “not yours,” you comment on it, “i guess that’s good.”

“it went… as well as fighting a god can go,” he answers, you nod, “you fought a god?” you ask nonchalantly, as if you didn’t just have a strange encounter with said god. bucky nods, “loki. you saw him, y/n.”

your hands move in front of his face, warmth settling into the open wounds and closing them. “i was just making sure you’d tell me the truth. no one told me anything about this mission.” you pat at his arms, random injuries healing with a gentle pink. “no serious ones, right?” you ask, squinting at him as he shakes his head. “all of them healed down into small ones that you just healed.”

“okay, then,” you kiss his forehead, making his tense muscles loosen like sam’s. “do you know how much we appreciate it when you do that?” he asks, and you laugh. “making sure none of you are sore is a small thing, and i like doing it.” besides, thanks to that, you got natasha to warm up to your affection- she is now comfortable receiving hugs, and you consider that a win.

“so where’s loki going now?” you question, not noticing the three avengers behind you until tony answers, steve and natasha behind him. “one of the high security cells, you’re going to take turns babysitting him so he doesn’t try to kill everyone again.”

“i am?” you ask, motioning for the three to sit while sam and bucky leave. “not you, i don’t want anything to happen to you, but everyone else,” tony says, sitting in front of you. you roll your eyes in reply, “i’m not defenseless, tony. i’m an avenger for a reason. and it isn’t only because i can heal people.”

“why would you want to watch over him? rock of ages isn’t very interesting,” tony asks, you hold back the fact you think the opposite, continuing to pat at his cheek with a wet cotton swab. “it’s just sitting around and watching a man with an overgrown ego rant about evil plans,” natasha adds, making you shrug, “more than i usually do. most of the time, i have to sit around doing nothing until you guys come back, since steve won’t put me on missions,” you try to ignore how you’re defending someone who most of the people in this room consider a villain.

“we need to have you safe and intact in case anything happens,” steve defends. you sigh, having heard the same excuse multiple times before. “i know. doesn’t make feeling useless for most of the day any better.”

the topic is switched for the rest of the time they’re with you.

three days later, you haven’t even heard the god’s name. you can tell your conversation with tony ticked him off, and you’re worried he might have an idea of what runs through your mind when you think of loki, which explains the absence of anything loki-related. you’re disappointed, to say the least. the god you’ve been thinking about is in the same building as you, only a few floors below, locked inside a cell you know the code and have complete access to, and you can’t even think about him without the concern that tony might somehow find out. he’s been truthful about the babysitting; so far, each of the avengers have sat in with him, steve twice- you’re sure the second time was supposed to be you, but tony is infuriating and true to his word.

every avenger but you and natasha are gone today, though, and from the looks of the folder nick fury’s holding, walking down to loki’s cell where natasha is, it’ll be down to just you.

a few minutes later, you’re reading “the night manager,” when fury knocks on your door, making you look up. “you busy, l/n?” he asks, you shake your head, “have a mission for me?”

“yes. supervising loki laufeyson for the rest of the day, and preferably the night, too,” he instructs, an eyebrow raising when you haven’t moved from your seat, so you stand immediately, shutting your book with your finger bookmarking your page. “oh- yes, of course, sir. uh, i’ll get down there now, then,” you stammer, awkwardly squeezing past him in the doorway and heading to the elevator, “have a nice day, sir,” you wave, nearly bumping into a plant.

you always embarrass yourself in front of the man, which probably explains your limited interactions.

you try not to think about it during the elevator ride, foot tapping on the floor as the numbers lower until it dings. natasha is standing on the other side when the doors part, eyes meeting yours the moment they do. you smile at her, squeezing her arm when she passes to replace the kiss you’d usually place on her forehead to soothe the tense muscles you’re certain she has. she tells you to be careful in a whisper, unwilling to show anything to the god who is curiously examining you. the elevator hums as it closes, and you sit in the chair before the glass prison. “hello,” you greet with a small smile, slightly bowing your head before opening your book and flipping to the page you left off on.

it’s utterly useless, though. the words on the page are impossible to understand when you can feel his eyes on you, examining you in such a way, you’re sure he already knows more about you than you do about yourself. “it’s the night manager,” you say softly after a few excruciating seconds, setting the book down on your lap as you meet his eyes. “it’s a good book so far.”

your tone is light, and you think it’s part of the reason loki answers, “i have read it before. it’s… not completely terrible.”

“no way, i just got the god seal of approval on one of my books,” you say playfully, smiling at him before going back to reading.

“i have not seen you here before,” loki points out after a silent minute, and you nod in response, “that’s right, i haven’t gone down here since you came.”

there’s a dangerous smirk playing at loki’s lips, walking closer to you, “is it because you’re scared of me?” he asks, and you scoff softly. “you don’t scare me. you are… interesting. dangerous, of course, and i don’t agree with your actions, but i don’t think you lash out for no good reason.”

there’s a heavy quiet that follows your words, your gentle stare combatting loki’s suspicious one. you nearly pick up your book to resume until he speaks again. “you haven’t expressed your hate for me yet,” he observes, and you frown, “is that what they do? that’s not very nice.”

“neither am i, darling.” loki replies smoothly, making you shake your head, cheeks warming against your will at the pet name. “well, i don’t hate you. so i don’t see a reason to do that,” you point out.

loki actually looks… surprised for a split second, before his gaze sets on you, “and why is that?” he questions. you pause; you don’t actually know why. surely, you should- he attempted to take over your planet and hurt your friends, but you can’t bring yourself to hold any ill feeling towards him, not after hearing his brother talk so fondly of him even after all he’s put him through.

“i don’t know. i probably should, but i just don’t,” you respond in finality, trying to leave no room for the argument loki will surely bring. he quirks an eyebrow, watching as you stifle a yawn.

he surprisingly doesn’t elaborate, but you’re sure it was already on his tongue. your mind goes back to one of the previous things he’d said, and your frown returns, examining the god. you only realize it completely looks like you’re checking him out when he smirks, cocking his head, “would you like me to do a turn?” he asks, making you flush. “no, i- i was just-”

you let out a small puff of air, attempting to convert your thoughts into one coherent sentence, “are they feeding you correctly? i know shield is supposed to be humane or whatever, but some of the agents pick and choose, and-”

“do you always ramble like this?” loki cuts you off, and you shake your head, bashful, “not usually. but i’m not usually in the presence of a god.” loki smirks at that, “they haven’t. but as you pointed out, i am a god. thus i need very little food.”

the voice in your head that sounds strangely like tony is yelling at you to not care, because the person in front of you is evil- supposedly- and it would be highly inappropriate of you to care, but, like you usually do with tony, you ignore it, reaching into your pocket to get your phone. you type out that you’re hungry to maria, doubling your usual order of food with no questions from her but full of suspicion, you’re sure.

“what are you doing?” loki asks. “getting food. i’m not exactly sure what gods are supposed to eat, and it’s not like i can order a whole ham or whatever, but i don’t find myself loving the idea of starving prisoners.”

“why?” he asks, eyes slanted and head tilted like he tends to do. contemplating his question, you shrug, “because i can’t see why i shouldn’t.”

loki decides you’re bearable.

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spiked-tea-writing · 3 years

Text

and they were roommates?!

SapnapxFem!Reader

Summary: Imagine being in love with your roommate, couldn't be you.

Pronouns: She/her

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/n: I don’t watch or know anything, I just like these people and I had a concept. Also, he and Dream aren’t roommates in this for the sake of I can’t figure that out. Also also, my timeline is probably fucked but who cares

The dynamic in the apartment was...interesting to say the least

In the two years of living together, it had shifted a lot

In the beginning, you and Sapnap had been... less than cordial to each other

Both eighteen, fresh out of high school, off to college thinking that you knew everything.

There was lots of fighting, to say the least.

All of the “No it’s your turn to vacuum”, and “I swear to god Sapnap I will punt you halfway across the world if you eat my pineapple again”

The only reason you didn’t slit each other’s throats was that if the other person was dead, who would pay rent?

It was the summer before college started at the time, and you were working long hours minimum wage so coming]’/ home to an annoying prick caused a crap ton of conflict

After a few months of being little bitches to each other, y’all got piss drunk in the apartment and it all just sorta fell apart

Got that good drunk therapy, spilling your deepest secrets

(y’all were underage but shhh)

So by the time college started, the two of you had become actual friends and started enjoying each others company

A few months into the friendship, you encouraged him to post the video of “Minecraft, but it’s Raining Cats and Dogs” on a whim

Lmao little did you know what you had created (we’ll get to that later)

You mocked his train of thought constantly, laughing at the timing of it all.

“Ahhh yes, I am Sapnap, the genius who thought it’d be great to become a YouTuber while in my first year of college.”

He’d always just laugh and roll his eyes, playfully shoving you while stealing your chips.

The next few months were a haze of studying, work, and him.

It was truly a friendship of convenience since you guys were so busy, him starting his youtube career, and you working restaurants, then school on top of that, it was just easy to find friendship in your roommate.

Of course, he had his close friends which he spoke to over the internet, and you had your friends from back home, but as for college, it really was only him.

You guys had a fun time just hanging around the apartment, and it became so easy to be friends with him

And it WAS truly platonic (we’ll get back to that as well)

The best thing he brought to the friendship was his animals

You got on fabulously with Cash and the cats

They were all so cuddly and honestly loved you more than him lmao

You guys were just trying to get degrees and not be too stupid, was that too much to ask???

Well to a certain 2020, it was

The beginning of that year was great.

He was sorta realizing that he liked putting himself on social media, but on top of that, it seemed like a great start to a year.

February brought him to twitch, which you loved

You found it hilarious how he would just sorta play games and have people watch him live.

But you were incredibly supportive, as a friend, of course

He really liked it so, you tried to ignore the shouting at three am, and the loud anthems at night

Sure you’d give him hell in the morning, but why kill his fun?

March started great, as it was his birthday.

You got him a glittery lighter as a gag, but it was the perfect gift for a broke-ass college student

Then a certain pandemic came a-knockin’ on y’all’s door

It was a hard hit on both of you.

An executive decision was made that you two would stay put, but being away from your families was incredibly tough.

That spring was the birth of The SMP.

It brought him so much joy, which in turn made you happier.

The rest of the school year was a blur of zooms and test

Nick nearly killed you on multiple occasions when you made fun of the fact that he was learning computer science over the computer or made him help you figure out what the fuck zoom was since it was tangentially related to his major

“SAP HELP ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ITS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!!!”

“NO, IT’S- AHHHHHHHHH”

Yall got more than a handful of noise complaints shhhh

That summer was fill was spent trying to fill the time in weird ways

Note to self, he can’t cook (which you learned the hard way)

Yall spent so much time trying to cook and bake, then sweating off the calories working out with The Fitness Marshall lmao

As sucky as the situation was, that summer was so incredibly fun for the both of you, and truthfully the only arguments were about what music to blast

“Y/n I swear if I listen to Cosmicandy one more time I will drown you.”

“Well if I hear American Idiot one more time someone’s knee caps are getting harvested.”

(that argument was settled with Elton John.)

When school started up again that fall, something shifted

After a year of actual friendship, you guys were no longer just friends, and the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife

You had watched every single one of his streams since day one, but within 2 seconds of his Love or Host, you felt the need to hurl for some peculiar reason

It was bizarre because there was no way you could ever like him, of course not.

Within the apartment, you guys suddenly got a lot more touchy, but only because it was getting cold with winter and all that jazz.

It wasn’t because yall were secretly in love, what is this, a romcom?

The number of times you guys woke up on the couch, definitely not cuddling was too many to count

You started sitting in his room while he streamed, definitely not watching him with heart eyes because of how excited he got

He always had a pot of coffee full and a 6-pack of monster in the fridge since he knew you ran on spite and caffeine, and definitely not so that he could spend more time with you in the early hours of the morning.

The laundry started getting all mixed around, resulting in just sharing any sweats, hoodies, or socks.

The same thing went for food.

No longer was anything labeled with a name, if it was in the fridge, it was fair game (unless there was a post-it because come on, yall weren’t monsters)

But no, y’all were just roommates, not dating, lets make that clear.

Feelings? We don’t know her.

This entire time, his friends have had to hear about you rip.

But they got front row seats to your relationship development

“OMG my roommate is the worst she ate all of the frozen strawberries”

“Y/n kidnapped Storm all day while she studied and I thought I lost the fucking cat asjvdk”

“I had to run down and talk to the landlord because we dropped a pot of pasta sauce all over the carpet and couldn’t get the damn stain out.”

“She is so nice in preparation for a family dinner zoom, she ran out to the local Filipino food place and pick stuff up.”

“Sorry I’m late I overslept and didn’t want to wake up Y/n.”

They weren’t stupid, and could clearly see how whipped he was.

Dream and Geroge teased him about it constantly.

“Woah, calm down Sap, you should probably tell her you love her before you propose.”

“Yeah Dream’s right, it’s kinda weird that you’re living together before ever dating.”

He always flushed and denied it with a shake of his head.

He wasn’t into you, are they crazy?

Quackity and Karl messed with him in more unorthodox ways

There are a solid number of clips where they are fake crying over how he’s cheating on them, and even more tweets to match

It only got worse when you met them accidentally.

He was chatting post-stream on a video channel with George, Dream, Karl, and Quackity, and just his luck, you came into his room.

Like of all the times you could walk in, it was the time he was with his five closest friends but I digress

“Yo I got some extra tips yesterday so I picked up some extra Red Bull if you want to do one of your weird all-nighter streams.”

“Y/n I’m on channel.”

“Oh shit sorry my b. Catch.”

All the guys heard was a thud and a groan from Sapnap as the six-pack hit him in the chest.

Dream was the one to recognize your name.

“WAIT IS THAT Y/N I WANT TO MEET THEM!”

You could hear Dream’s voice through his headphones

“Sap… who is that?”

“No one. I’ll be out in a sec to help with dinner.”

You could hear a British voice come through.

“Oh so we are no one now, huh.”

Another voice piped through.

“Common... ¿Qué intentas ocultar?”

You cut in.

“Your headset it shit my guy. I can hear everything. I’m down to talk to them.”

He let out a groan.

“Fine. But you’re gonna have to do the dishes tonight.”

“Deal. Now move.”

“What? No.”

“Fine bitch.”

You collapsed onto his lap, plucking the headphones off of him.

“Hello, Sapnap’s friends. I am Y/n. A pleasure to meet y’all. Can you hear me?”

You heard a series of laughs through the headset, and a voice came through.

“Yes, we can see you too. I’m Karl, it’s so nice to finally meet his girlfriend.”

A blush rose on both of your faces, and another voice came through.

“Yeah, we’ve heard lots about you. Plus we can’t see your face in that picture Sap sent us. I’m Quackity”

That remark stopped your embarrassment in its tracks.

“What the fuck? How do you guys know me? I’m not even his girlfriend? And what picture?”

Sapnap grabbed your arm to calm you down as another voice cut in, but his one you recognized as his friend Dream.

“Hey, it’s okay. He just talks about you a bit, and the picture I believe was of you holding like three cats with like a red bull can on your head.”

“Jesus fucking christ why do they have that photo??”

He looked guilty but chuckled.

“Because that photo is a damn masterpiece.”

Karl’s voice came back in with a giggled.

“Soooo, Y/n we’d love to hear about you. Specifically anything funny or embarrassing that you have learned by living with him.”

Sapnap let out a groan from behind you as you went off.

“WELL lemme tell y’all, he has no cooking knowledge, well I mean, now he does, but one time, about a year ago, I had I been keeping a pot of water boiling for about an hour, soft boiling eggs, cooing noodles, blanching bok choy, etc. but this fucking genius is like ‘oH tHe HaNdLe Is StIcKiNg OuT. LeMmE mOvE iT wItH mY bArE hAnD.’ Needless to say, he burnt the crap outta his hand and kept the bag of frozen blueberries on it for the entire night. It took me like a solid five seconds to actually help him because I was laughing.”

By the time you had finished that story, you had seen Nick roll his eyes like 5 five times while the rest of the guys were wheezing.

“Yeah, well remember the time you were trying to imitate Rapunzel after we had watched it over Zoom with my sister, and you swung the edge of the frying pan into our head and got a nasty bump on it? At least I moved quick enough to put some ice on it.”

“Ice? It was the damn leftover Slushy that I had been freezing.”

“True, but you got to drink it after, so it was a win-win situation.”

“Sap, I had a bump the size of a golfball coming off of my temple. There was no winning.”

“Fine, you’re just making me sound like such a shit roommate.”

“No that’s not true, you do all of the talking to the landlord, and you at least tried to muffle the noise when you stream.”

“I guess that’s true, but you do like 80% of the cleaning.”

“Yeah but only because you’re working. Plus in the past 6 months, you’ve made coffee every morning, AND made sure I was taking my meds.”

“Those things aren’t that hard and I do it to make sure you don’t die because I lo- care about you.”

“What?”

You heard Dream’s wheeze laugh and remembered that you guys were still on call.

“Smooth.”

You both went red, and Sap moved his arm around you to leave the channel.

The next few moments were complete torture, the two of you just sitting in silence.

You were wondering if he meant what he was about to say and he was scared that you had heard it.

He was the one to break the silence. (mind you you’re still sitting on his lap lmao)

“I’m sorry about that.”

You weren’t sure how to respond. Should you ask him if he meant it? Because that wouldn’t be that bad. Or just pretend it never happened. Nah that’d be hella awkward. Or-

“I love you too.”

“You what?”

Wow, okay your brain is being a little bitch rn, but fuck it. Balls to the walls baby.

“I love you, and I have for a while now. I just want you to know.”

You finally looked him in the eye, and he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Thank god. I love you, and nearly fucking told you for the first time in front of my friends accidentally. Damn, I’m smooth.”

You laughed and he smiled wider.

“Can I kiss you?”

After a quick nod he swooped in and holy hell his lips felt great. His arm wound around your waist and your hands made their way to his jaw as he pulled you closer to him.

The only thing playing in your mind was “and they were roommates”

#sapnap x reader #sapnap #sapnapxreader #sapnap fluff #sapnap fanfic #sapnap fanfiction #sapnap x you #sapnap x y/n

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willowcrowned · 3 years

Note

Okay but has anyone considered Obi-wan/Cody/Satien (is that how its spelled?) Regardless, hes got two hands for his two mandalorians, the au where this happend is gotta be top notch ridiculous ye?

Okay thank you so much for giving me a reason to think about this, because this AU contains three things I adore: polyamory, ships where everyone is frighteningly competent, and Obi-Wan

In this AU, Ventress is somehow even less well-adjusted (bear with me). What this means is that, instead of taking a gap year and finding herself after her family is brutally murdered, she decides she needs to get revenge even more now. What does this mean? In the short term, she still becomes a bounty hunter, but in the long run? She’s looking for a Sith lord team up so she can punch Dooku (with a lit lighstaber) in his stupid, elitist, backstabbing face.

So when Maul invades Mandalore, what happens? Ventress comes right along, ready to give her ‘I know we hate each other, but consider teaming up to kill someone we both hate even MORE’ space TED talk. And though Maul may be terribly annoying, a closet theater kid, always in a tits out kind of mood, and denying his gay awakening, he’s not stupid. He knows Sidious is coming for him, sooner rather than later, and he knows he needs more people on his side than his (impressively beefy) brother. He and Savage agree to the team-up.

Cue Obi-Wan showing up, ready to save his sort-of girlfriend, and finding Pre Vizsla, who got REAL sus the second ANOTHER lunatic with a red lightsaber showed up, occupied by capturing Maul, Savage, and Ventress.

Obi-Wan saves Satie, who convinces him to call Cody for a quick evac, and they’re running away, flirting, and arguing over shooting things (as usual), when they spot Ventress, Maul, and Savage, about to be executed.

Oh, they both think, hell no. And then, because they have a stupid moral code that makes them do stupid moral things, they go save them.

A little background on Obi-Wan at this point: He has been fighting in a war for over two years. He is exhausted, close to a breakdown, and seriously questioning his place as a General. Next to him at all times, supporting him, helping him, and saving him, is Cody, who is clever, kinder than he has any right to be, and is, of course, devastatingly handsome when he does his special, unique-to-Cody half-smirk.

Obi-Wan, to put it mildly, is totally gone on him. Obi-Wan also, to put it less mildly, is his commanding officer in an army that Cody can’t leave on pain of death. To do anything— make any advance beyond the flirting that he engages in with most people— would put Cody in a very uncomfortable position, whether or not he returns Obi-Wan’s feelings. So Obi-Wan watches him from afar, hoping against hope that his affections are returned, and that one day, after the end of the war, there will be a future for both of them.

A little more background on Obi-Wan at this point: He has always respected Satine. Their correspondence fell apart just a few months after the end of his mission with Qui-Gon, but he’s been keeping up with her professional accomplishments for years. Over time, the love he bore for her faded, leaving him with good memories and an enduring appreciation for her courage, her cleverness, and her ability to deliver devastating blows to someone’s confidence with a few well-placed words.

Until he sees her again. And yes, alright, he might be angry that she’s choosing to stay out of the war— he knows what good she could do— but he understands her fears, understands the very real possibility that if Mandalore gets embroiled in yet another war, they may never recover. The thing is... well, she’s still very beautiful, especially when he’s yelling at him, and as slowly as his feelings had faded then, they come back in a rush now.

He has very much fallen in love with Cody, and he is very much still in love with Satine.

Cut back to the present— Obi-Wan and Satine rescue the three most annoying Sith in the galaxy and get the heck out of dodge. Cody, because he’s Cody, comes swooping in with a last-minute rescue.

At this point, two things are occurring.

The first: Obi-Wan is stuck in a room with four people he’s periodically flirted with over the past few years, two of whom he’s desperately in love with, one of whom he had a weird encounter with that he can never tell Anakin about when she and him got trapped in a middle school auditorium, and one of whom is definitely wearing no shirt and all that jewelry for a reason. It is Supremely awkward for him.

The second: Every single person in that room, each of which is (barring Savage) deeply attracted to Obi-Wan, is realizing that Obi-Wan is dressed in Mandalorian armor, and while Obi-Wan in three layers of tunics and a cloak is an absolute knockout, Obi-Wan in Mandalorian armor may very well kill them (and he won’t even have to touch his lightsaber to do it).

For one single moment, everything is absolutely still as they all stare at each other.

...And then Maul starts on the ‘I will rend your flesh from your bones, feel my wrath, Kenobarrgh’ spiel, and Satine stuns him. Oh, and Savage. Ventress agrees to watch the two of them if they don’t stun her, and Obi-Wan agrees.

Which then leaves him, Cody, and Satine in a room alone.

A word on Cody at this point: He has been bred from birth to be the perfect soldier— loyal, clever (but not too clever), and rigourously adherent to protocol. Yet, within three months of knowing Obi-Wan, he’s, well, calling him Obi-Wan in his head. Even just that is a gross breach of protocol, but he’s compromised in more ways than one. He talks to Obi-Wan, now, not just as a subordinate, or secondary advisor, but as a friend, as a councilor. Every time Obi-Wan touches him— never for longer than a brief second— his skin lights up under his armor. One time, Obi-Wan fell asleep on him for half an hour, and Cody’s was sure everyone would hear his heartbeat.

What he’s doing— how he feels— he knows it’s putting Obi-Wan in danger, knows that if the Kaminoans had wanted to the clones to be equals to the Jedi, they would have told them so. And look, he knows what the natborns would call the way he’s feeling, but he can’t feel that way. He’s a clone— he’s expendable by definition. Even if, on some off-chance, he makes it out of this war alive, there’s nothing for him. Obi-Wan couldn’t care for him like that, couldn’t care for a man with the same face as millions of others, born and bred only for war. So it doesn’t matter how he feels.

A word on Satine at this point: Obi-Wan, when he left, was a gawkish, bumbling thing of red hair and freckles and the sweetest smile. Obi-Wan, when he came back, was graceful, eloquent, and very, very handsome. He is also infuriating. (This does not change how attracted she is to him in the least.)

She’s not a romantic, really, but she is a realist, and she knows she’s loved him in some form or another for over twenty years. She knows she can’t ask him to return it— knows that asking him to leave the order for her wouldn’t just be for her, it would be for Mandalore, and while the politician in her cries for her to claim him, the person in her who loves Obi-Wan could not abide tearing him away from his culture for her own purposes. She still loves him, deeply and irrevocably, and she knows he still loves her. (Maybe, she thinks, after the war... But she can’t afford to be sentimental).

What do Cody and Satine have in common? They’re both extremely competent, both instinctively ruthless, and they both love Obi-Wan. Oh, and they’re also both immediately jealous of their counterpart.

They know they shouldn’t be. They know it’s not fair, not when Obi-Wan isn’t theirs anyways, but it doesn’t change the surge of envy and dislike that happens when they see Obi-Wan use the soft voice he only uses for the people he likes best on the person across from them.

Cody knows he can never compare to the Duchess, who is beautiful and well-spoken and has held Obi-Wan’s heart since they were fifteen. Satine knows she can never compare to Cody, who has been at Obi-Wan’s side every second since the war’s beginning, who is so much closer in ideals to Obi-Wan than she is, however it might appear on the surface.

Fortunately, they don’t have to deal with it for long, because Ventress comes in with Maul and Savage and proposes a team up, at which point Maul reveals the identity of the Sith Master.

Obi-Wan swears a string of words that Cody and Satine are both very impressed by, and agrees to the team up. Cody and Satine, who are both going to Coruscant anyways, agree to it too.

What ensues is a good deal of scheming, during which Cody and Satine avoid each other like the plague, Obi-Wan is repeatedly told to get some sleep, and Ventress cuffs Maul to a door on multiple nonconsecutive occasions. When they get to Coruscant, Satine has already told Padmé, who has in turn told her group of anti-war (and anti-Palpatine) senators, Cody has given Rex a heads up, and Ventress, Maul, and Savage have been metaphorically sharpening their lightsabers for ages.

(It occurs to Obi-Wan, at one point, after he’s woken up from his enforced 25-hour nap, that Palpatine must have created the clone army for a reason— must have a failsafe in place— and he asks Ahsoka to pull all the data the Kaminoans have on the clones. They find out about the chips, and Ahsoka immediately immediately holds the Kaminoans at laser sword point until they reprogram every order into a command that dissolves the chip.)

The thing about organizing a coup together is that it makes it very hard to avoid each other. Cody and Satine are forced to work together, and, what do you know, it turns out that even with seething jealousy at work, they end up respecting each other. (Note: Obi-Wan comes into a room at one point to see them both bent over a commlink, heads together and hands nearly touching. He short circuits.)

In any case, coup, Palps dies, Republic fixed, whatever.

What’s important is that Obi-Wan gets really, really injured— so much so that he might die. Cody and Satine have dealt with him being dead before (Deception arc anyone?), but this? Watching him slowly fade, knowing there’s nothing they can do about it? That’s worse.

One night, when Anakin has fallen asleep, they have a long conversation in low voices about Obi-Wan, darting from fond to furious to devastated over and over again. If he wakes up— if, not when— they agree to say something to Obi-Wan, to let him know that they love him. It’s a meager consolation after all they’ve been through, but this is the end, in one way or another, and they deserve to be honest with him.

(Cody thinks, privately, that he will be— well, not tossed aside, because Obi-Wan isn’t the sort of person who does that, but there won’t be a place for him by Obi-Wan’s side anymore. Obi-Wan is a Jedi, a negotiator, a peacekeeper, and Cody is a soldier for a now-ended war. He is already steeling himself to accept Obi-Wan’s polite rejection with equanimity, to not cause more pain to the man. (It will be easy, he knows, to wish him every peace, every happiness. Cody has only ever wanted to see Obi-Wan happy. This does not mean it will not be painful.) Obi-Wan said once that he would have left the Order for Satine if she’d asked— she will ask, now, and Cody knows Obi-Wan will leave, can see the love written in his face, in his spine, in his hands, whenever he is around her. Satine will ask, and Obi-Wan will leave, and Cody will be left to look for a place in this new galaxy.)

(Satine thinks, privately, that Obi-Wan’s feelings for her must be long faded, replaced by his obvious ones for Cody. Obi-Wan is a warrior, a Knight, and Satine is a diplomat who foreswore violence long ago. She is already steeling herself to accept his rejection with grace. (It will be easy, she knows, to wish him well. She has only ever wanted good things for him. This does not mean it will not be painful.) He said once that he would have left the Order for her if she’d asked, and whatever he’d felt then for her pales to what he feels now for Cody. Cody will ask, and Obi-Wan will leave, and Satine will rule as she always has.)

And then Obi-Wan wakes up.

Cody and Satine let him have his long talk with Anakin first, partially because they know how important it is to him, partially because Anakin wouldn’t let them if they wanted to, and partially because they are dreading their own coming conversation. When Anakin has finished, and Obi-Wan is asleep again, they go in, hand-in-hand, and wait for him to wake up.

When he does wake up, he sees them holding hands and immediately comes to several wrong conclusions. Wrong Conclusion A: Cody and Satine are in love. Wrong Conclusion B: Cody and Satine are going to try to break the news that they’re in love to him gently. Wrong Conclusion C: This conversation is about to break his heart.

Then they speak.

At the end of it, Obi-Wan has some Thoughts. Thought One: alkdfjhskhsgjljlbhkgkjbjvnab,gkjvn;qlerghjsv?????!!!!fwbfwlkrehwogwhuwrijvhfdbhkf!!!! Thought Two: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Thought Three: Oh, we’re all idiots. Fantastic.

He then passes out, because being on the edge of death for days and then having a shock to your system this big tends to do that to you.

When he wakes up, he is mildly more coherent. Then he sees that Satine and Cody are asleep on each other, and the coherence is lost, but he does manage to wake them up and get across three things:

Thing One: He is desperately in love with them both.

Thing Two: He’s leaving the Order for a multitude of reasons, but they are a Significant Bonus.

Thing Three: He would very much like if they both held his hand while he falls back asleep.

Cody takes Obi-Wan’s right hand, Satine takes Obi-Wan’s left hand, and the three of them stay like that, fingers intertwined, for a long, long, while.

#this is. Long #obi wan DOES have two hands #i have not checked this for grammar mistakes #asks #missstar489 #obi wan has two hands au #codywan #obitine #codyobitine #star wars #star wars au #obi wan kenobi #satine kryze #commander cody #willow's aus #god this is 2.4k #no wonder it took me so long #me: I'll just reply to this ask real quick :)#me an hour later: oh. oh no

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sjmsstuff · 3 years

Text

Light and Dark

Chapter 3

A/N: back at it again, this time with a slightly shorter chapter, I’ve been swamped with work, don’t hate me x. Small bit of angst but like not loads.

Warnings: major warning for sexual abuse if you want to skip it just stop reading at <~> and start when you see it again, just know Gwyn had a nightmare.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6,

Gwyn was entirely sure she was an idiot.

A fool, an imbecile, an utter buffoon.

She could hardly look at Az all morning at training and then she could hardly think of anything but him as she worked in the library.

Nesta came down an hour after they parted at training, looking flushed and happy.

It was astonishing the difference between who she was when she first arrived and the female who stood before her now. Happiness radiated from Nesta when it used to disapate in her presence. Her slender frame was no longer thin and skinny but toned and full. Her eyes looked less weary and the bags had disappeared.

The two friends chatted as Nesta completed her duties for Clotho and Gwyn scampered through the jobs Merril had given her.

Thankfully the cranky priestess was cloistered in her office for the evening, meaning Gwyn could talk without needing to look over her shoulder every few minutes, like a guilty man waiting to be apprehended.

Merril was still researching the idea of multiple worlds layering on top of each other. To be completely honest Gwyn had no idea what she was on about half the time but nodding and scurrying hadn’t failed her yet.

She left Nesta hours later to return to the dreaded office with an assortment of copied and highlighted texts that Merril had requested, each organised and double checked to avoid any scenes.

Though Gwyn had thoroughly enjoyed the first clash of her friend and her superior, she was not especially eager for a rematch. Clotho may be upset if one of the cleverest priestesses could no longer write.

Or breathe.

Merril was sitting with her back to the door when Gwyn entered, so she quietly deposited the books on a small table. Merril waved her off without looking up and Gwyn took that to mean she was dismissed.

Dinner was a dismal affair. She was close with a few of the other girls but shared nothing like the connection she, Nesta, and Emerie lived for. Probably because she hadn’t killed and nearly died for her fellow priestesses.

They were missing out.

Gwyn returned to her dormitory that night, resolutely not thinking about hazel eyes, soft mouths or slender, scarred fingers.

Instead she drifted off to sleep, humming a quiet melody.

<~>

Hands grabbed her waist, her heart. Someone was screaming, it sounded like her sister but she wasn’t sure.

She wasn’t even sure how she could hear anything over the pounding heartbeat in her ears.

How could Gwyn have a heartbeat when she was dead? Maybe she wasn’t dead yet, maybe she was just dying. It would be over soon.

Men laughed around her. Bile crept up her throat.

Her skirts were around her waist.

Cold wood bit into the back of her bare thighs.

Her thighs were forced open. There was a speck of soot on the ceiling.

Someone should probably clean that off.

She thrashed but it was no use when her wrists were locked. They felt trapped in stone.

Stone that smelled of death and stone that dug it’s nails into her wrists, biting like the teeth of a hound.

His sweat dripped down onto her face. It felt too similar to blood. The children’s blood, Catrin’s blood.

He robbed that special occasion from her. She wanted it to be important, it was supposed to be important, that moment in a woman’s life and it was stolen.

He was finished.

More lined up.

She stopped thrashing. She couldn’t move.

Broken.

Another unbuckled his belt.

A slash of red, then glowing blue siphons and-

<~>

Gwyn woke with a gasp.

She was out of bed and tugging on a dressing gown before she could even think about what she was doing.

Out of the dormitories and up into the library. It was quiet, fae lights burned low and sleep hung heavy in the silence.

It was probably hours away from dawn.

Up the stairs and there, a door. She swung it open and Nesta stood before her.

“Gwyn? What are you-“ Nesta looked concerned, Gwyn probably looked a state.

Cassian stood behind his mate, blade in hand, scanning the hall.

Nesta reached for her but she jerked out of reach, she needed-

“Gwyn?”

A smooth, deep voice. She almost collapsed in relief.

Instead she turned towards the warrior standing at the foot of the stairs.

Gwyn fell against his chest before she realised she had moved. Strong hand wrapped around her, then quickly withdrew. Soft shadows encased her instead. Singing soft words of comfort and they soothed her.

Azriels chest rumbled as he spoke to Nesta and Cassian. Then he attempted to guide her up the stairs but she clung to him.

He was the only solid thing in the raging sea and she wasn’t going to let go of her lifeline.

Instead Azriels strong arms wrapped around her legs and waist and she was softly carried into a room that smelled like home. ***

Gwyn woke hours later as dawn filtered through large windows that covered one wall. She was curled in an armchair, a softly moving pillow rising and falling beneath her head.

A pillow that smelled a lot like Azriel.

She shifted slightly in his lap to look up at his sleeping face. Dark eyelashes that shadowed high cheekbones, fluttered slightly. Gwyn shifted some more, readying to get up, but strong arms wrapped around her, tucking her in close, burying his head in her hair.

She sat there, comfortable in Azriels arms for minutes or hours until the sun rose fully, bringing with it the realisation of where she was, and what had brought her to this comforting embrace.

Embarrassment shifted her weight again, waking Azriel fully. His arms loosened, hazel eyes filling with concern, no doubt from the memories of the night before.

Gwyn rose fully, “Thank- Thank you for that,” she gestured vaguely to the chair they had been tucked in on, “But it really wasn’t necessary for you to sleep with me in your arms, your neck probably hurts and you would’ve been more comfortable in your own bed, not that I’d want to be in your bed,” Gods what was she saying? “It’s just that you probably would’ve been-“

“Gwyn.” Az still lay prone in the armchair, wearing loose bottoms and a thin sleeping shirt. Gods he was pretty in the early sunlight.

“Ye- Yes?”

“It’s alright,” He smiled softly, “I’ve slept in worse conditions and you didn’t really want me to let you go.”

Mother, could she get any more red?

“And, well,” he coughed slightly, “it didn’t really seem proper to bring you to my bed.”

Yep, she definitely could get more red.

“Oh, well, em, thank- thank you, again” she was making it worse.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

No. Yes? No, she wasn’t ready to relive that experience before breakfast. She had only told two people what happened. Nesta and Emerie. Azriel knew because he was there but she wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“No, I’m fine.”

His expression was unreadable, but he rose, “Come, let’s eat breakfast. Cass and Nesta might join us, if they can separate for long enough.” ***

Nesta and her mate were indeed sitting next to each other at the table when Gwyn entered.

Nesta smiled kindly at her and Cassian winked in greeting before returning to the conversation with his mate. Gwyn took in the easy nature with which they chatted, Nesta occasionally leaning back to laugh at something Cassian said, the way Cassian’s eyes seemed to flare with pride every time.

She glanced over at Azriel who sat across the table from her and realised he had been watching her.

She resisted the temptation to look down, instead keeping his gaze and smiling back when he smirked at her.

Gwyn realised belatedly that Nesta had said something to her.

“What?”

Her friend’s eyes flickered between Gwyn and Azriel, “I said ‘you and I need to get Emerie and go to Velaris’. Rhys kindly agreed to winnow us and he’ll be here in about an hour.”

Gwyn’s brows furrowed, “Why are we going to Velaris?”

Gwyn had been to the city of starlight only a few times, but enjoyed each excursion immensely.

Nesta smirked, “We’re going dress shopping for Starfall.”

Chapter 4

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list for this fic or my writing in general

Tag list: @bookstantrash @perseusannabeth @champanheandluxxury @sayosdreams @princessofmerchants @princessofmerchants-reads @azrielsshadowsdanceforgwyn @illyrian-valkyrie @lovelywordsandwine @thron3ofbooks @velaaaris @gwynkyrie @acourtofmidnightsnacks @simpforfictionalmenandwomen @bittermuire @mirubyai @velvetrays

#sjmsstuff writes #gwynriel fanfiction #gwynriel #light and dark #light and dark ch 3 #acosf spoiler #acosf

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harrysweasleys · 4 years

Text

all to myself // f.w

summary: it’s fred’s birthday and he only wants to spend it with you

warnings: implied smut

word count: 2.4k

a/n: ok so here’s the deal. this was actually supposed to be a fred fic that involved the yule ball and then i realized i already wrote that one. so that was a brain fart. anyways, i replaced it with another fred fic but this was a non-requested idea!!! either way, enjoy! x

—————————

“Freddie, we’ve gotta get going,” you giggled, your skin erupting in goosebumps under his delicate touch, sloppy kisses being placed up and down your neck.

“Why don’t we skip dinner?” he mumbled against your skin, his soft hands slowly beginning to slide up under your shirt and grazing your skin with his fingers, “Much rather spend it alone here with you.”

You feebly attempted to push him off of you, not really wanting to lose the contact but knowing you had places to be, “Because we promised your mum. Also, it’s George’s birthday too, incase you’ve forgotten.”

He chuckled against your skin, “Y’know, darling, we could just say you’re sick.”

“Fred,” you groaned, successfully sliding out from under him and sitting upright on the bed, pulling your loose shirt back down from where he had hitched it up, “I need to get ready. We have to be there shortly. Then, after we return, you can have me all night.”

His eyebrows shot up and he smirked at you, “All night, you say? Quite tempting, I must admit.”

You gave him a quick wink and stood up off the bed, walking over to the dresser where your dress was hanging, smoothed out and ready to go. You had bought it nearly two years ago when shopping with Ginny, but had never found an occasion to wear it. Tonight felt like the right time.

You took it off the hanger and glanced at it. It was quite a lovely dress. You hoped Fred would like it. After all, there’s no one in the world you’d rather impress.

“I guess I should go get changed too, then,” Fred threw himself back onto the bed, groaning and sighing dramatically, arms spread out as he watched you walk with your dress in your hands.

You laughed at him, entering the bathroom, “Yes, go get changed. I’ll be ready in a few.”

Closing the door behind you and ignoring his antics, you stripped down and put on the dress, admiring yourself in the mirror. Even you had to admit, it was quite beautiful. It hugged your body perfectly, the silky smooth material shining under the bathroom lights. You grabbed your wand — which you had in the waistband of the sweats you were previously wearing — and brought it up to your hair, flicking it with a quick enchantment and having your hair fall straight over your shoulders. Although Fred loved you in your natural state, you knew he also loved it when you dressed up. Especially if it was for him.

Within five minutes, your makeup was done and you stepped outside of the bathroom, breath catching in your throat when you saw Fred sitting on the edge of the bed looking mighty fine.

His eyes widened immediately once they landed on you, scanning you up and down with his mouth slightly open, “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? You’re actually trying to murder me.”

You blushed furiously, thankful for the makeup you had applied for hiding it. He stood up and walked over to you, letting you see his outfit fully.

“You look pretty good yourself, handsome,” you grinned as his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you into his body. He was wearing a dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows — he knew exactly how to rile you up and you’d be damned if you said it wasn’t working.

“I’m regretting agreeing to this dinner,” he mumbled, leaning over to place a kiss to your temple, arms tightening around you, “Not gonna be able to control myself.”

Your body felt like it was on fire as he leaned down once more, placing his lips against your neck and causing you to shiver. The idea of skipping dinner and staying in bed with him was incredibly tempting, even you had to admit that.

“C’mon, love,” you mumbled, subconsciously tilting your head once more even though every part of you knew you had to get going, “Your family’s waiting for us.”

“Let them wait,” he said softly against your skin, his hands sliding down the back of your dress further and further until you grabbed his arms and brought them up again, pulling away from him and raising an eyebrow.

“No more games, let’s go,” you grinned, locking your hand with his and walking towards the living room, “Just gonna grab the keys and we can apparate.” He groaned, pouting like a toddler who had been told they can’t have what they wanted. Although, this was how Fred behaved most days. He really was needy for your attention and touch — about as needy as you were for him.

“Why’d you need keys if we’re apparating?” he furrowed his eyebrows, his face no longer pouty as he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted just yet.

“Incase something happens,” you shrugged, not sure why the habit of bringing keys never died down even after you learned to apparate, “Now, let’s go.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes and pulling your body close to his, “Fine, fine, let’s go.” He leaned in a pressed a kiss to your lips before pulling his body away and holding your hand in his, the two of you momentarily being engulfed by darkness before appearing in the dining room of the Burrow.

“Oh — bloody hell,” Ron screeched, falling off of his seat and nearly knocking poor Hermione to the ground, his eyes bulging slightly before returning to their normal size, “Y’know you two can use Floo? That way you don’t give anyone — particularly me — a heart attack, thanks.”

You grinned as he stood up, placing his hand over his heart, “Good to see you, Ron. And you, Hermione.” She returned the greeting kindly.

Ron nodded in your direction, mustering up a sarcastic smile, before turning to Fred, “Happy birthday, mate. They’re all in the living room.”

Fred thanked his younger brother, who was now over the fright, and brought Hermione along with him to follow you two into the living room. Upon entering, Fred barely stepped inside before he was engulfed into a massive hug, his mother telling him happy birthday and how much she had missed him these last few weeks.

“Blimey, mum, can’t breathe,” Fred pretended to croak, patting her awkwardly on the back as she was much shorter than he was. You chuckled, Mrs Weasley clearly didn’t mind her son’s sarcasm at the moment.

“Oh!” she pulled away, enveloping you in a tight hug as well, “So nice to see you dear!” Molly Weasley gave, quite possibly, what could be considered the greatest hugs of all time. She was one of the most comforting and accepting people you had ever met and you’d gladly accept hugs from her every hour of the day.

“So lovely to see you too, Mrs Weasley,” you hugged back, smiling kindly as she pulled away before scolding you for not calling her Molly as she had repeatedly told you to do so.

Greetings went on for a while — Fred did have a large family, after all. All of his siblings and their spouses had shown up, crowding the Burrow with their much appreciated presence.

Colourful decorations were hung from the windows and staircase bannister, illuminating the room. Balloons floated around, sparking brightly under the lights. You had been here for multiple Weasley birthdays, hut every time, Mrs Weasley seemed to outdo herself on decorations. It was always lovely to see.

“I’d make a joke about staring into a mirror, but I’m the better looking twin anyways so it wouldn’t work,” Fred grinned as he approached George, the two hugging for a moment before wishing each other a happy birthday, George insisting that he was actually the better looking twin.

You laughed at their bickering before they already dived into business talk, planning their next line of products as you chatted with Hermione and Ginny.

——

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, butterbeer, a rather incredible four tiered cake that Mrs Weasley had so lovingly made, and of course, a display of fireworks arranged by the birthday twins themselves.

No one celebrated Fred and George Weasley like Fred and George Weasley.

After the fireworks died down and the bugs started to come out, everyone made their way inside and sat around the living room, telling stories that made your stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

You were comfortably situated on the soft carpet, resting your back against the couch and between Fred’s legs, who was playing with your hair and running his fingers along the back of your neck every now and then, distracting you from the conversation entirely. He was being incredibly subtle and cheeky, and you knew he was doing it on purpose.

“Could never look at a spider the same way,” everyone in the room laughed as Ron recalled his story of Fred traumatizing him as a child. A story that you had heard countless times but cracked you up nonetheless.

“Doesn’t beat the time George put blue hair dye in my shampoo,” Bill raised his eyebrows as if challenging Ron’s story, a laugh bubbling in your chest as you leaned your head back against Fred’s hand, the soothing feeling of his hands in your hair was causing your head to become heavy. That, and the more physical contact you could get with him, the better.

“Reckon you looked better with blue hair, mate,” Fred piped up, pointing to his twin across the room, “One of Georgie’s best works.”

“Why, thank you,” George placed his hand over his heart, “But I think I outdid myself later that week when I put green hair dye in Ginny’s shampoo. Never seen her as livid.”

You watched in amusement as the siblings around the room argued about old pranks, before sitting up and deciding to take a seat on the couch instead, where you could lean into Fred’s side instead. His arms wrapped around you, placing a quick kiss to your temple before turning his attention back to his family, his hand toying with hem of your dress.

You hummed silently, feeling perfectly at bliss, enjoying the chatter of the family until the party died down.

Bill and Fleur were the first to leave, soon followed by Charlie, then Percy, then Harry and Ginny. You could tell by the way Fred’s hands seemed to linger over your body when no one was looking that he was becoming eager to leave as well.

“Ready?” he mumbled in your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, goosebumps rising on your skin at his touch.

“Fine, we’ll go say bye to your family,” you spun around, tapping him lightly on the nose and grinning at his pleased expression, pulling away and leading the two of you back into the living room after saying by to Ginny and Harry at the door.

“Finally,” he chuckled, “Drivin’ me mad, love.”

Fighting the blush that was threatening to rise, you walked back into the living room where the remainder of his family was sitting around, enjoying each other’s company and conversing in small talk.

As much as you’d love to sit around and continue chatting, the bed at home was calling yours and Fred’s names and you weren’t sure how much longer you could wait.

“We’re gonna head out too,” Fred wrapped his arm around your waist, “she’s got early work tomorrow and isn’t feeling too great.”

You wanted so badly to turn and scowl at him for his ridiculous lie, but you kept a straight face and poked him in the side, out of view of his family. He jumped slightly, a smirk etching his way onto his overly proud face.

“Hope you feel better dear,” Molly Weasley hopped off the couch and made her way towards you, pulling you into a hug and then moving on to Fred, “Happy birthday, Freddie.”

Arthur, George, Ron and Hermione came over to bid you both a goodbye as well, each hugging and wishing to see you both again soon. The whole time you were planning the next get together, Fred’s hand moved lower and lower down your back, showing his impatience.

“Right, goodnight,” Fred said quickly once silence had overcome the room, grabbing your hand and apparating back to your cozy apartment.

You lost your balance at the sudden change in scenery, not expecting him to take you away so soon. You were nearly certain Arthur Weasley was about to say something before you two disappeared.

“Well, you took off rather quickly,” you smirked, removing your shoes and walking over to place them by the front door where Fred was doing the same, quickly undoing the laces as if his shoes were on fire.

Patience was never his strong suit.

“Had other engagements to attend,” he stood up straight after both your shoes had been removed, wrapping his arms around your waist and tossing you over his shoulder, your hair falling loosely and the blood rushing to your head as you laughed.

He quickly took off towards the bedroom, throwing you down on the bed as you continued laughing, clearly enjoying how riled up he was. It was true, you did the love the fact that you had such a strong effect on Fred without even putting that much of an effort. He was putty in your hands, as you were in his.

He unbuttoned his dress shirt, discarding it to the side and leaning over you, lips pressing up against yours with all the passion and lust that had been building up throughout the evening. His hands were warm as the grasped your hips, moving down to play with the hem of your dress, his lips still moving against yours.

Any and all thoughts you had were pushed out of your mind and your entire body was consumed by him — his touch, his kiss, his smell. He was intoxicating in every aspect and you couldn’t get enough.

“You’re too dressed for my liking,” he mumbled against your lips, hands moving up from the hem and sliding up your back, pulling you off the bed so he could reach the zipper and slowly pull it down, the cool air hitting your skin stimulating your senses and speeding up the beating of your heart.

“Impatient, are we?” you smirked, your hands roaming his bare chest and pressing your body up against his, absolutely loving the contact.

“Course. It’s my birthday,” he shrugged, lifting you up and placing you back down on the bed now that your dress was completely forgotten on the door, “Which means tonight, I have you all to myself.”

#fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley one shots #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fics #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley reader insert

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cadaceus · 3 years

Text

C2E141

One last time, y’all. This campaign and these characters have meant so much to me, and this seven hour finale was definitely an emotional rollercoaster. (Yes, I shed actual tears at one point, which rarely happens to me with media. But this is a special occasion.) These liveblogs are nearly as long as the episode itself, so grab a snack! With that being said, here are my very last liveblogs for Campaign 2 of Critical Role. As always, major spoilers below, so beware.

- Veth taking a level in Wizard, god I am really gonna cry ten minutes into this thing... 😭

- We got our first “stay with us” to Essek, I am emo...

- I was fully not expecting to say goodbye to Frumpkin, but now I’m on the verge of tears... farewell dear fey friend (Marisha saying “that wasn’t supposed to be what broke me” me too me too)

- “You’re a good person.” “I could be.” “You are.”

- “I think you’re a good person” I never thought that I’d hear Beau say that about Essek and this genuinely might be what breaks me... she thinks he’s a good person.... redemption is possible.... maybe love is real....

- If I end up crying over wizards, look away

- Jester lifting up Fjord’s arm to snuggle beneath it made me say “awww” out loud 🥺

- VETH GOING FOR A DIP IN THE POND, I AM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF HER

- “Aahhh!! It’s me! Your wife!” I am going to miss Jester’s sending so much

- Okay that accent bit was so funny, I am going to miss all of them so much

- REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK

- Oh but he doesn’t remember them... and Yasha is trying so hard to help him remember, it’s so so sweet

- Something about the way he said “Tealeaf’s nice” made me tear up... I was neutral on Mollymauk early campaign because I went into things knowing that he passed away, but this whole conversation with the Mighty Nein is So Much. Also “Kingsley Tealeaf”

- “Everyone should have a brother” as someone with three of them, I vouch for this 🥺

- a) I love Marion Lavorre (and Jester ofc!) so very much and b) I can’t believe that Jester’s parent trap actually worked??

- “I do not think Exandria is ready for how you’re going to change it” got to me... and it’s also so true. jester has already changed the world just by being kind.

- Good bye Marion... I love and will miss you so much! (And many thanks to Laura and Matt for creating an agoraphic single mother who raised a wonderful child <3)

- Beau and Jester teasing Marion for having a complicated relationship with Babenon reminds me of Caleb saying he has a complicated relationship with Essek...

- LEAVE CALEB ALON E FUOIKJLKGKNL

- THIS IS ....... SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

- Caleb’s biggest trauma(s) coming back to haunt him, I am genuinely going to cry I’m not ready for this I’m not okay

- Beau saying to Jester “Thanks, cutie” I love themmmmm

- INITIATIVE AAGJASKHDKJ AAAAAHHHH

- Essek’s Gravity Sinkhole did nothing? uhhhhh Mr Stark...

- EADWULF???? HELLO?????

- Essek using his entire turn to save Caleb last battle 🤝 Caleb using his entire turn to save Essek this battle

- ASTRID???? I TRUSTED YOU??? WE ALL TRUSTED YOU????

- Another Counterspell chain sdfdghjkdl wizards !!!

- “It’s just business” is literally the Neutral Evil line, it always gives me chills when any character says it

- This hurts more after Liam confirming on Twitter that Astrid/Caleb/Eadwulf were all three a romantic item... please stop hurting Caleb, you loved him 😭

- THE FJORD VS EADWULF SWORD FIGHT IS SO CINEMATIC I LOVE IT HERE ACTUALLY

- Essek taking every opportunity to pull Caleb to safety makes me so emotional... 😭

- “You’re not the first student I’ve had to put down” I am burning with my anger for you, old man

- THE DISPEL WORKED LET’S GO CALEB.....

- Remember when Matt said that Essek doesn’t openly show concern/emotion? And now he’s saying “I’m scared” in front of his closest friends and his worst enemies.... growth my love.....

- BEAU AND VETH LETS GO CHAOS CREW LETS MF GO BABEYYYY!!!

- FJORD COUNTERSPELLING THE DIMENSION DOOR..... and Matt having him describe it.... is this taking the place of a “HDYWTDT” *eyes emoji*

- CALEB GOING DOWN NO, THANK GOD FOR THAT DEATH WARD

- Veth’s illusion of Caleb’s parents flanking Caleb in the flames.... that got me too, Liam

- “Stay down.” yeah, okay, that was sexy

- ASTRID BEING THE ONE TO ACTIVATE THE COLLAR IS LITERALLY POETIC JUSTICE... Trent being beaten by the student who stuck with him longest I love this so much, she deserved that moment honestly

- Break Time, AKA Emma Makes Her Weekly Mug Brownie Interlude

- Sometimes I feel like “death is too good for you” is a copout, but in this case it fits so well, I want this mf’s reputation destroyed and the entire operation exposed and overthrown let’s goooo

- “I loved you both so much”.... Astrid and Eadwulf walking away.... oh, Blumendrei... I know this is not the end of your story. What’s past is prologue, loves

- The Empire Siblings are gonna burn down the whole system because it’s the system that enables individual corruption... I am so fulfilled by this, god i love them

- “I love you too” OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, FJORESTER ARE THE CUTEST FOR REAL

- Jester and Essek’s friendship still means so much to me btw just in case anyone wanted a check-in

- Veth giving the flask to Kingsley!! Good for her, good for her!

- OH Blumenduo are back already! I truly thought that was going to be their last appearance of the Campaign, why is this taking me more by surprise than Trent’s appearance

- “[Caleb] notes how similar Eadwulf and Fjord are” this is Widofjord adjacent... this episode we have gotten Widomauk-adjacent, Widojest-adjacent, and Widofjord-adjacent (and Blumentrio ofc), now come through Shadowgast and we can get a full Bingo on the “Bisexual Maelstrom” card

- Speaking of relationships, I am lowkey into the Fjord/Jester/Kingsley dynamic LOL no one look at me I’m in hiding

- I’M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO VETH AND CAD 😭 It makes sense and the fact that they have their families back is beautiful but also consider this: I’m sad and I will miss them

- The goodbyes to Caduceus..... I am going to cry aren’t I?

- “If he’s anything like his mom, you won’t see him until it’s too late” Okay that made me giggle, I love Veth and I love Luc and I love their little family

- IS ESSEK LEAVING TOO? THAT’S GONNA BE WHAT BREAKS ME ISN’T IT

- If Essek leaves and we never see him again, getting a triple whammy of goodbyes I will be so incredibly sad, I cannot do this 😭

- If anyone is interested, no I am not doing well

- I was lowkey ready to get an Essek’s feelings for Caleb confirmation tonight, I guess it makes sense that we didn’t but I hope that this is not the last time we see Essek... I want to write another emo post about him and about how much he means to me but I will refrain

- CALEB BEING A TEACHER IS THE ENDGAME I WANT FOR HIM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

- Wow, I really was not ready to see Caduceus and Essek go for some reason... I really wanted this Campaign to end on the image of the Mighty Nein together as all nine of them... I’m feeling so numb right now having to say goodbye 😭

- Oh, we’re in the epilogue now!

- When Fjord said “[the sea] is my favorite place to be” I genuinely felt that on a spiritual level... the ocean is home, it truly is and always will be for me as well

- “I CAST MODIFY MEMORY” FJORD LMAOOOOOOO

- Okay, that Widobrave ending is what made me shed tears for the first time this episode... not to be Personal but my biological brother graduates High School tomorrow, and for some reason this conversation just reminded me so much of me and him and now I’m emotional

- NOT THE SYPHILIS BANDITS DSYUHDFJKLSFJ;DS OKAY I NEEDED THAT LAUGH

- “I’d like to hear about your friend” Kingsley aww

- Beau giving Kingsley her first diary to help him realize who they all are is actually so perfectly fitting, I love that!

- “The other eight and I, yes” Caleb counting all nine of them again 😭

- CALEB BEING OFFERED AN ASSEMBLY SEAT WTF AAAHHH

- Oh shit, Astrid took the Assembly seat... I’m not sure how I feel about this, I feel so bad for her for having to stay in the system that abused her for so long and I would have loved to see her burn the whole thing down, but I hope that she at least has a sense of contentment with this title

- “I go where you go, baby” Beauyasha.... my darling loves....

- Beau’s dad??? But also Beau being the one with power over her father is so Good, I’m glad that she got justice on that front as well!

- This talk with Artagan... “I didn’t want you to be a god. I wanted you to be my friend.” and in the process my love you created divinity... maybe divinity is the friends we made along the way

- OH SHIT WE ARE GETTING ALL THE VANDRAN LORE TONIGHT I’M READY LET’S GO LET’S GO

- VANDRAN AND AVANTIKA WERE AN ITEM???

- Wait crack theory: Sabian was a half elf right? Could he be the son of Vandren and Avantika? Or is that too much of a stretch?

- Vandran going with them!!! Also I feel like that moment between Fjord and Vandran was lowkey a tease to a post-campain Uk’otoa one shot and I am ready for it already

- THIS BEAUYASHA MOMENT... “i’ve never known anyone as deeply as i know you” & “explore every bit of you in multiple ways ;)” & “your past doesn’t scare me, it only makes you beautiful” .... this is so much they are so much i love them so much

- “I will have you and then some” Beauyasha 😭

- I’m torn between “oh my god there’s still half an hour left?” and “how is there only half an hour left??”

- “You will let this Skyspear live at least?” oh my god so Yasha killed the last Skyspear then? Oof...

- YASHA GIVING ZUALA(’S GRAVE) THE BOOK OF FLOWERS, OH DEAR HEART

- And Beau’s talk to Zuala about being the luckiest woman alive and sacrifice.... 😭

- PLANTING FLOWERS AT ZUALA’S GRAVE... “NO BETTER GRAVE MARKER” THIS IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL, I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS A LOT THIS EPISODE BUT THIS TRULY IS SO BEAUTIFUL

- So... I may or may not be crying again

- Shadowgast with a steel chair??

- Caleb’s plan for saving his parents... it’s clear he has thought of this so much, oh my darling love 😭

- Caleb burning down his chance to change his past is so symbolic and something he really needed to do, it does make me emotional though

- The other book was him writing to his parents?? Oh bby boy 😭

- While I would have loved for Caleb to open his own magic school (especially with Essek, or the Mighty Nein, or someone else as well), I am so pleased that he stays with Veth and that their friendship continues for the rest of their life because again: they mean so so much to me, and in a way they remind me of me and my biological brother (which I never realized before this episode) and yeah. They just make me Emo

- Also. Caleb being a professor was my Number One Endgame Hope for him and the fact that it came true is just so surreal in the best way possible. I’m so used to being robbed of happy endings. The fact that the Mighty Nein all got theirs makes me incredibly happy. A story does not have to be sad to be impactful. Happy stories and happy endings, especially during a time period of tumultuous real life circumstances, have just as much value and meaning and they always will. Caleb is teaching the next generation magic, and he is teaching them to be Good, and he is nurturing them, and that just means so much

- MATT CRYING IS GONNA GET TO ME

- “Let’s do it again” Please, let’s.

- Okay, everyone. I made it all seven hours in one piece with surprisingly minimal tears (though who knows, this might all sink in tomorrow.) I already wrote my thoughts earlier today about how much the Mighty Nein mean to me and how much this show and these characters have kept me holding on during quarantine and today... I’m still not ready to let them go, but I know that I can always revisit to say hello and to say thank you for changing me. Until then though... I love you all more than you could ever know. And for the last time of Campaign 2... is it Thursday yet?

Good night 💗

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c2e141 #critical role #my liveblogs #cr2 #i genuinely can't believe this is the end y'all... what a journey. what a freaking journey 💗#to anyone who has ever interacted with even one of my liveblogs: i love you and i think about you every damn day dfghjkflf #it makes me Emo knowing that i'm not just speaking to the void and that there are ppl out there listening etc #also this liveblog was TWO THOUSAND WORDS LONG i checked it in a google doc sgdhjkdl #so if you made it through all that you may be entitled to financial compensation #but in all seriousness: i love you mighty nein. and thank you for everything.#is it thursday yet?#queue #(i always queue these for the mornings dgfhjk!)#and yes i WILL be liveblogging campaign 3 #also mayhaps this hiatus will be time for me to catch up with vox machina?

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tallstars-rewrite · 3 years

Text

Chapter 30

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In the afternoon most of the clan was sharing tongues, catching the rays of warmth on that especially hot day. Talltail looked around camp. His heart thudded in his chest with the certainty of what he was about to do. How should he go about this? He thought of announcing it formally, but the idea of having so much attention on him, facing everyone’s anger when they realized he had betrayed the oath he’d taken not even a full moon ago...He wasn’t strong enough.

Would they even let him leave? Perhaps it would be better if he just vanished. It would be a shock, but then everyone would move on, as they always did. What was one more cowardly act on his growing pile? He already felt awful, it couldn’t get much worse. But he had to say something to the cats he had once been closest to, even if he had drifted away from most of them in the past few moons. He’d say goodbye to every cat if he could, but too many would start raising questions.

Talltail decided he would part with one last gift. He’d gotten good at solo hunting recently, if nothing else, but he was going to have to catch a lot of prey to come up with enough excuses to speak to every cat he wanted to speak to one last time.

Through the afternoon and into the evening Talltail went to every place on the moor he knew would have active rodents. It was a good haul for him, even on his best days, despite the heavy heat beating down making him drowsy. The edge of the territory near the woodland strip that bordered the pastures was still alive with field mice as it had been when he’d hunted there for Jake. He looked sadly at the treeline where a friendly orange barn cat had once waited for him. Another face he’d never see again. Who knows what the twoleg monsters had done to that poor cat they had tricked. He’ could be dead now. Another claw prick of guilt for the pile, wishing he had tried harder to convince Jake to leave them. But that was over now. Nothing good came from messing with outsiders. It took a couple trips to get all his prey in one pile.

He looked forlorn at the places he had loved most on the moor. It was all he had known and he could scarcely believe he wouldn’t see it again. The places he used to go to clear his head or cheer himself up. The feeling of flying unfettered as he ran full sprint down the Swift-Step Hills, the gorse speckled meadow where he’d once watched deer herds with Fallowspring and Fawnleap, flower patches where he’d helped Briarpaw gather herbs, the track he and Shrewpaw raced against each other at the start of newleaf, everywhere he’d trained with Dawnstripe. Times when he had felt slightly less lost.

His pile of fresh-kill had grown to a decent amount. The hint of new purpose had perhaps made his mind sharper, less foggy, and he’d been able to focus effortlessly on every chase and every pounce. He was surprisingly less of a lousy hunter when he wasn’t feeling so distracted by directionless misery. Who would have guessed? Well, Dawnstripe did. She was good at that sort of thing, he thought with a touch of melancholy.

He trailed past the collapsed warren where Sandstone had vanished, and sat there for a brief moment, staring at the disheveled earth. The plants he’d placed there with Woollycloud and Palebird had long since wilted and whisked away.

“I’m sorry,” Talltail said aloud to the empty air. “You were the best warrior WindClan had. I know despite everything, you just wanted to make me strong. But I understand now what I must do. You always said that action must be taken to right the wrongs in the world. If I was strong enough to right ShadowClan, or fix the tunnels, I would. But I know I can’t. But there is one thing I can do, so at least you can finally rest peacefully. I may have failed as a clan cat, but if it’s the last thing I do, this I will make right.”

I hope you can forgive me, He pleaded in his head. The wind started to pick up in a brief gust, it whipped at him and he ducked into the grass. Somehow it felt wrong to greet the Wind Runner’s embrace. He was a traitor to her, or would be soon.

He continued back with his catches, needing multiple trips to get it all there alone, and it was nearly past sunset when he finished. Plumclaw was nearby with Mistmouse.

“By StarClan, did you catch all that yourself?” Plumclaw asked.

“Must have been a good day.” Mistmouse purred.

Talltail dipped his head, trying to appear natural. If I get worked up, they’ll sense it and ask what’s wrong.

“Yes, feel free to help yourselves. Think of it as an apology catch.”

“Apology for what?” Mistmouse cocked her head

“Just for being a bit of a pain lately. You’ve always been so sympathetic to me Mistmouse.” he turned to Plumclaw, his ears drooped a little as he ducked his head “and for...all the trouble I caused in the tunnels.”

Plumclaw twitched her whiskers in surprise “That was moons ago. It really wasn’t just you that made Heatherstar close everything…” she perked up a bit, that determined light returning to her tawny eyes. “Besides, I haven’t given up. She just has a burr in her butt right now, but I’ll find a way to keep our skills alive.”

“I trust you will. You’re an incredible tunneler. The clan could learn a lot from you.”

She seemed a bit taken aback by his sincerity but a purr rose in her throat nonetheless.

Mistmouse winked at him before he turned to leave. “That’ll go to her head you know.”

“No it won’t. It’s just the truth, after all. I’m great.” Plumclaw said.

Talltail hid a smile as the two molly’s bantered behind. It eased him a little, knowing some cat was around who carried on his fathers’ skills.

He found Fawnleap and Ryewhisker lounging together in the fading sun. Fawnleap had set his head on his sister's foreleg and was complaining.

“--and Fallowspring’s off with Shrewclaw again, like she doesn’t even have time for me! It’s so unfair. I’m bored.”

“You poor wretched thing.” Ryewhisker crooned “It must be so hard without our sister to help you torment poor Cloudrunner for a day.”

“It is, I had this whole prank planned out!”

Talltail padded up to them a bit cautiously. Ryewhisker blinked, clearly a bit surprised when she caught sight of him. Fawnleap, unfazed as ever, waved his tail at him. Talltail dropped the mice he carried.

“I brought you this.”

“Oh is that fresh? Forget what I said before, I feel better now.” Fawnleap said as he greedily snagged up a mouse.

“Is there an occasion?” Ryewhisker asked coolly. “You haven’t spoken to me in a while.”

“Yeah. It’s an apology. Thank you for trying to be patient with me. I’d like you to pass that to Fallowspring, if she’d accept it.” He looked to Fawnleap, who had a mouse half way out of his mouth. “And for you, for just continuing to be...whatever it is you are, despite everything.”

Fawnleap blinked at him and nodded seriously, which looked even more absurd considering his mouth was still full.

“I appreciate it, Talltail,” Ryewhisker said. “And you know, Fallowspring isn’t really still mad at you. She’s never mad for long, or she would have long since disowned Fawnleap. She’s just… got a lot on her mind right now.”

Fawnleap scoffed, “And a lot of it has to do with hunting with Shrewclaw instead of me.” “Of course,” Talltail said, “I’m sure everything will work itself out.”

Next he found Lilywhisker, as he saw her tail vanish into the nursery. He couldn’t manage a rabbit for her, but he’d found a plump vole. He poked his head into the overhanging roots of the warm milk-scented den. It had been so long since he was in here. Talltail was momentarily worried he was intruding, but Lilywhisker nodded at him in a friendly way as she saw him, though she looked a bit tired.

“I caught this for you. And there’s more to bring to Meadowbreeze,” he said.

“That’s very sweet of you Talltail.” she smiled

“I hope the kits are doing well.”

“They’re doing wonderfully!” Meadowbreeze chirped. He couldn’t believe the new mother still had as much energy as she did. “They all opened their eyes already. I still can’t make up my mind on names, but I’ll think of them soon.”

Lilywhisker gave a good natured exasperated sigh.

“They are certainly going to be a pawful, I can already tell. And I thought your sister's lot in the nursery were energetic.” She looked at Talltail, “Meadowbreeze swears she won’t want a break, but we’ll see about that.”

“I’m sure they’ll be in good care with you. And….thank you for that. You spent a lot of time caring for me when I was young.” “Oh, don’t even thank me, Talltail.” Lilywhisker purred. “You were such an easy and well behaved kit, like I probably will never get again.”

Talltail dipped his head and ducked out of the nursery, making way for a frazzled Hazelnose who had more new soft grass in his jaws. He’s going to flood the place with soft grass. Some cat should tell him to relax, Talltail thought as the brown tom slipped past. The kits were lucky to have such doting and devoted parents. He was a bit sad he wouldn’t see who Meadowbreeze’s kits grew up to be.

As he began searching for Dawnstripe, the sadness in him felt like it was going to crawl up his throat and choke him. It would be the worst saying goodbye to her, after all she’d done. She had left camp with Appledawn moments ago. As he padded after her, he spotted Shrewclaw returning with Redclaw and Fallowspring. Shrewclaw almost looked happy as he chatted with Fallowspring. It was a surprise to Talltail, but he found that he felt relieved.

He surprised himself even more when he called out to Shrewclaw. The three cats turned, looking a bit startled. Fallowspring whispered something to the others, then she gestured to Redclaw to follow her back into camp. Shrewclaw looked after them, as if he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Talltail wondered if it was a mistake to do what he did, but it was too late now.

Shrewclaw narrowed his eyes, but he seemed caught off guard by the lack of hostility in Talltail’s face.

“...What?” there was a hint of defensiveness in his voice, but more so confusion. Of course, Talltail hadn’t said a word to him since their assessment.

He was quiet for a moment. There was a lot lost between them. But it would do no good to get into it, and Shrewclaw likely wouldn’t want to. At last, all he managed to say was, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Yes. You have a right to hate me. I would, if I were you. I hope you can be happy again. I mean it.” he was surprised to find that he really did. Part of him wanted to hold onto resenting Shrewclaw, but if this was it, what was the point? He didn’t need it. And without the resentment, all he was left with was regret and sadness. Shrewclaw gaped at him. His ears flattened and perked up again between annoyance and surprise as if he truly couldn’t decide how to feel. They had never had a relationship where they spoke sincerely to each other like that, even during the best of times.

Eventually Shrewclaw looked away and grumbled into his chest, trying not to show how incredibly awkward he felt, and clearly uncertain whether he was ready to give up any of his cold demeanor to peer through the deeply rooted thorns between them.

“Ok. Whatever.” he said stiffly. “Well. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m going back to camp. Bye.”

“Bye Shrewclaw,” Talltail murmured. The temperamental tom would probably have still been hostile if Talltail hadn’t caught him so off guard. That was fine. Shrewclaw wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore anyway.

To his simultaneous relief and dread, Dawnstripe had not gone far yet. He padded up to her, and she greeted him warmly.

“You’re not going for another hunt again are you? I saw the haul you brought back earlier, it looks like you pulled two days of work in one afternoon,” she said.

“No, I was looking for you,” he said. It took everything he had to keep the grief out of his voice. He pressed his nose under her chin and held it there to hide his face.

“Oh,” she said, surprised, but not unpleasantly. “Everything’s alright I hope?”

“Yes. Everything will be fine. I feel like...I’ve never properly thanked you for all you’ve done for me.”

She purred in laughter. “You thank me all the time, Talltail.”

“Yes, but really thanked you I mean,” he pulled back. “I know I haven’t always been easy to put up with, but you never gave up on me, even when…” even when you should have, he thought, but saying it aloud would prompt her to disagree. He shook his head and rubbed his cheek against hers.

“You are a wonderful mentor, and every apprentice you have after me will be lucky.”

She blinked at him when he finally pulled back. “That’s a lot Talltail, but...thank you, of course. Are you sure everything’s ok?”

“I’m sure. I just wanted to tell you is all. I’m going for a walk. Good luck on your hunt.”

He left quickly, sure if he stayed any longer he wouldn’t be able to contain his emotions. It wasn’t fair, to her more than any cat. She’d tried so hard for him, she trusted him, was patient and encouraging through everything, but he still didn’t really deserve his warrior name.

He wouldn’t be able to stay much longer, or cats would start wondering about his behavior. He didn’t want anyone to try and stop him. Woollycloud was already too suspicious to risk. Who else was there?

He knew before he’d really asked himself. Talltail climbed up onto Outlook Hill, the highest point on the territory to get a better look around, and to his surprise, there he was.

Briarpaw was sitting curled up on a rock, watching the sun set below the horizon. Maybe luck was on his side after all. But what could he say to Briarpaw? His oldest friend would surely see through him. Something told him, somehow, perhaps he already did. Briarpaw looked up at him, with such sadness in his eyes when Talltail approached.

“What are you doing up here?” Talltail asked tentatively.

“It’s part of my training to listen,” Briarpaw replied. “Everything is clearest up here, so this is where I meditate.”

“What are you listening to?”

“Everything I suppose. Whatever speaks. The clouds, the wind, the gorse.” His eyes were fixed on the bright red clouds catching the rays of sunset, a mix of blazing orange and dark stormy blue. Talltail sat beside him. Knowing this was his last step was making him want to drag his paws. It might be the last time he saw the sun set on the moor, casting the sky in so many brilliant hues.

“What are the clouds saying today?” Talltail wasn’t sure if he was trying to make small talk, but he was certainly stalling.

“There’s going to be storms. Bad ones, I think. The rains will be late, but when they come, it will be heavy and dark.”

It was hard to picture storms with all this blistering heat clouding Talltail’s head and seeping into his fur. The brilliant light shimmering on the edge of the horizon line was all he could focus on. He pondered for a moment how he may very well travel to that far horizon line, see the hills bathed in light up close. A goal far off in the distance to aim for. His paws were itching and restless even though at the same time he was horribly afraid to feel so lost and far away.

“It looks a bit like fire, doesn’t it? Reaching up on the horizon.” Briarpaw murmured, seemingly half to himself. He looked up at Tallpaw “You look like you're burning yourself, the way it catches your dark fur.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Talltail said carefully. “I’ve never seen real fire.” He’d of course been lucky enough to only know about it through stories. Talltail glanced at the medicine cat apprentice. “Has StarClan shown you dreams of what it really looks like?”

“I have dreamt of it before, yes.” Briarpaw replied. His gaze was still fixed on the distant hills. “It’s bright, flickering, and brilliant orange. A lot like the color of your eyes, actually.”

Talltail sniffed, “Well, I’ve never really gotten a good look at my own eyes.”

“I know. I think it’s hard for you to see any part of yourself very clearly.”

Talltail faltered a bit. “Well, I mean...There’s not a lot of clear still water nearby. The reflections are always murky.”

Talltail didn’t know how else to reply. Briarpaw was probably suggesting more with his words as he often did, but that didn’t make Talltail any more sure of how to address it.

Briarpaw shifted his paws under himself, and was silent for a long moment before continuing.

“Do you remember the first time we came up here together? On your first day as an apprentice?”

“Yeah,” Tallpaw replied. “It feels like so long ago now.”

“Back then when I was with you, I started hearing something similar to what I hear now, though I didn’t fully understand it. Or maybe I didn’t want to understand it. I’ve been watching you walk around to everyone.” A deep grief glimmered in his golden eyes as he blinked up at his friend. “You’re really going to leave after all, aren’t you?”

Talltail stared at him, worried for a moment that Briarpaw had told someone, but Briarpaw looked so resigned.

“...Yes. How did you know?”

“I dream about you a lot, Talltail. I always have. Of course, I dream about lots of cats, and always struggle to put the pieces together of what they mean.”

“Medicine cat stuff, I suppose,” Talltail laughed without humor. “Does StarClan want me to go?”

“No. StarClan doesn’t wish for things like that. StarClan can guide us, but these visions...I’m not sure where they come from or why they come to me. Perhaps they have no allegiance at all. There is so much in the world beyond what we know underneath our Silverpelt.” Briarpaw looked up into the sky, seeming suddenly far away. “...I’ve messed up a lot of visions. Hawkheart says it's normal for an apprentice, but it’s made me so afraid. Afraid I could steer a cat in the wrong direction. It’s led to me...being afraid to speak to you sometimes.”

Talltail blinked at him “You were...afraid? I thought...I thought you were just upset with me.”

“I’ve never been upset with you. I’m sorry... I was so unsure. I wanted to avoid the future I didn’t want to face. Even now part of me thinks perhaps I could have tried to push you onto a different path, one that didn’t make me face this. But I think...one way or another, it would have ended up worse for you. So here we are, and you’re on your path now.”

“You agree I should leave then?” Talltail didn’t know whether that made him relieved or sad.

Briarpaw’s gaze drifted to the ground at his paws. “I don’t want you to go. And I hope that you’ll find the way back here someday soon.”

“I don’t think I will be coming back," Talltail said. “I...I don’t belong here. I have felt wrong for moons. Out of place. I feel inadequate, and there is nothing I can do to change the wrong here that weighs on me. There is one thing I feel called to do, and the only thing I’m sure of is that I can’t do it here, as a simple warrior. Everything I do here can be done by someone else, and let's be honest, I haven’t been great at keeping close friends.”

“I’m sorry you’ve felt that way,” Briarpaw sounded so sincere. “I hope you understand how many cats will notice your absence. By every cat you’ve spoken to and even the ones you won’t.”

It’s his job to say that. Talltail thought. He made cats uncomfortable more often than not, or plagued their minds with worry. Better to cut the tie and make them not have to worry anymore. “You won’t try to stop me then?”

“No. But...you don’t have to go. I’ll help you. Dawnstripe will, and Woollycloud I’m sure...they’ll be heartbroken if you go.”

Talltail faltered.

Perhaps they would. He looked down at the camp behind him, and then over across the moor he’d grown up in. He knew it all so well.

For a moment he did almost want to give up his idea. A thought crossed his mind, a flicker of hope. What if everything could be fixed, and he could find a way to feel accepted here. He could apologize and mend every bridge he’d broken. Dawnstripe and Woollycloud would stop worrying. He was a simple runner, but he could try to be the best one he could be. He wouldn’t have to leave his home, he wouldn’t have to leave the cats he came to care for. Maybe somehow it could be ok.

The thought warmed him as it flickered briefly through his mind. But as fast as the spark lit up, that little light of hope was smothered. That was just what he wanted to be true. That happiness wasn’t his to lounge in when there was so much wrong done in the world.

“I...can’t.” Talltail sighed. “They will be upset, after all the time they’ve spent trying to help me. But they will move on. The clan has moved on from so many losses. If I stay...I’ll go mad. I can’t ignore what I feel must be done any longer.”

The little hope that had appeared in Briarpaw’s eyes faded as his face fell. “If this is what you choose...you must choose it on your own. Now that you're here I can see that. No cat can stop you. I wish you had told the clan formally though.”

Talltail ducked his head. He was ashamed himself.

“I’m just...I’m just not strong enough. They’ll know soon enough. If StarClan has been showing you this outcome, then it’s what they think is best too.”

Briarpaw stood and faced him “StarClan wants you to be sure of where you put your paws. You are one of the Wind Runner’s children. You’ve always been worthy.” He pressed his nose to Talltail’s cheek, “I love you, Talltail. So many of us do. Even if you don’t come back, it will still be true. I hope someday you will know why.”

Talltail held his face against Briarpaw’s for a long moment. It hurt him deeply. But he had to go, before he could change his mind. This had to be done. He needed to rip the thorn out and leave, quickly. He stepped back, gave Briarpaw one last look over his shoulder and started at a run down the hill, to the south. He didn’t look back at Briarpaw again.

As he ran, the greenleaf wind brought strong sweet smelling heat as it rushed through his fur. It seemed to be pulling him in every direction. Was he being chased out or held back? He couldn’t tell. He ducked his head against it as he flew through the darkening sunset.

Before reaching the edge of the moorland, he stopped. As soon as he passed, there was no going back.

He froze, and pricked his ears. Someone was nearby.

There were two very pale amber eyes watching him, staring wide and questioning.

Palebird.

Talltail looked back at his mother. Why was she out here? He hadn’t even thought about going to see her. What would be the point? They had said everything they could say and rarely saw each other anymore.

He looked at her for a long moment. Maybe you’ll go back to normal when I’m gone. Maybe you can cut your old broken life away and finally start a new one. He didn’t want to tell her that out loud. Palebird didn’t speak to him before, and she wouldn’t start now.

But to his surprise, she did. She took the smallest step towards him.

“Talltail?” she mewed in her cracked and fragile voice. “Where are you going?”

He opened his mouth to reply. But there was still nothing to say. He was too afraid of what might come out if he really tried to speak to his mother.

So instead, Talltail made the very last cowardly decision he would make in his home territory. He turned, saying nothing at all, and simply kept walking. She didn’t follow him, but he felt her eyes as he went. To the edge of the moor. To the dark treeline looming above him. The wind cut off here, blocked by the thick towering branches. It was quiet at last.

He stepped into the shadows, and was lost from his mother's view.

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#FRU30 #chapter 30 #cw depression

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