#the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-twenty

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: We worked so fucking HARD on this! Please appreciate it and please 🙏 pay attention to everything.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic

NOAH

I stood in front of the mirror, straightening out my shirt, and made sure my hair was perfectly pulled back into the low bun. Excitement filled my veins, making me jittery, knowing that Y/N would be showing up shortly. We all were ready to help her and Malcolm set up for Chase’s surprise birthday party. 

Y/N had been texting me the last couple of days stressing out about every last-minute detail for this party. Chase was never big on celebrating his birthday but he was turning twenty-five so she and Malcolm wanted to make sure that everything went off without a hitch tonight. 

I also was nervous to see Y/N again after our conversation at Davis’ house the other night because she knew the truth; most of it anyway. Bailey and I were done, something Y/N knew. But with the stress of the party, we couldn’t continue our conversation from the other night. 

The nerves were eating away at me, like a disease, so I started pacing in front of the mirror, trying to hype myself up. I woke up anxious this morning and even after meditating earlier, I still couldn’t get rid of this feeling. 

I pinched my cheeks and smiled. 

“Hi Y/N,” I said to myself. 

No, I sound like an idiot. 

“Hi, angel. You look gorgeous today.”  

Eh, a little bit better. 

I continued to pace back and forth in my room, muttering words under my breath. 

 “Hi, angel. You look beautiful today. I’m happy to have the party here.”

My feet came to a halt as I snorted to myself. “I’m happy to have the party here. Who the fuck says that? That’s so stupid. It’s just Y/N; her. Why am I overthinking talking to her?”

I get those ridiculous butterflies, even in my current state. It’s like being in a botanical garden, waiting for them to emerge. Waiting for Y/N at any stage feels like that. 

“Shit, that’s corny isn’t it?” I muttered under my breath as I ran a hand over my face. 

Another thing I suppose I’ve noticed about myself all this time lately. Growth in words- is this maturity? A grown man with grown feelings. 

I often saw my future as not so bright and wasn’t sure if this thing called life would work out. So, I stood here in front of the mirror in my bedroom and thought that maybe this life that I yearned for would work out and Y/N possibly, maybe, needed to be included in it. 

With a final deep breath, I threw on my leather jacket and then checked myself over in the mirror one last time. The black shirt underneath the jacket was pristine, not a hint of hair or lint, and my white wash skinny jeans had a hole in the knee showcasing the rose tattoo. 

Y/N would be here any minute. My mind went straight to what she looked like, what she’d be wearing, and how badly I wanted her perfume to penetrate my senses.

As I bounded down the first set of steps, I turned on the landing to retreat down the rest of the stairs but came to a halt when her presence was immediately felt. In the threshold stood Malcolm and Y/N, talking with Jesse who answered the door. The bright smile on her face made my stomach twinge in a good way as my breath caught in my throat. 

Her long hair fell to the middle of her back in waves. The black dress hugged every one of her curves in all the right places, stopping right beneath her ass. Her tattoos were on full display tonight. The swell of her breasts poked through the mesh part of her dress that covered her neck and chest.

I wasn’t sure if Y/N having a glowing halo effect was normal, hence why the nickname I had for her only made sense.

Angel. 

It began to feel like she was specifically meant to shine for me alone, a long time ago, even with that time we were distant. I couldn’t possibly imagine another man seeing it or enjoying the warmth Y/N brought. My palms were sweating, I knew this had to be it. I had to make the move.

“You’re such a sweet talker, Jesse,” Y/N giggled while playfully rolling her eyes, tapping his cheek twice.

As I took the last step, stepping into the living room, something fell from her bag causing her to bend over to pick it up. Orie snuck up beside me and tilted his gaze toward Y/N’s ass; something I noticed immediately. 

“Orie,” I seethed low. 

His eyes snapped over to me, a sly smirk on his lips. “Y/N looks good, huh?” 

My jaw ticked but I let out a deep breath while counting to my ten in my head. 

I’m not mad. It’s innocent. It’s Orie, he knows how I feel about Y/N.

As Y/N stood tall, a bright shine from around her neck caught my attention, and gone was the anger replaced with sheer adoration. She was wearing the necklace and bracelet I bought her for her birthday. 

My heart skipped a beat as our eyes finally locked. 

“Hi,” Y/N smiled warmly. 

“Hi, angel.” 

I shifted on my feet, suddenly hot under her bright gaze. She looked absolutely breathtaking in that dress and how it hugged her tits perfectly made my cock throb in my jeans.  She softly tucked a strand behind her ear and our eyes never left each other. Malcolm looked between us, a sly smirk on his lips. 

“Y/N, why don’t you hand me the bags? I’ll start getting things set up while Noah gives you the tour,” Malcolm said while taking the bags of party supplies from her. 

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Sure.” 

As she walked past me, the scent of her perfume filled my senses and my cock now ached when I remembered how pretty she looked while sitting on top of me, her hands grasping my braids. 

“Oh, you smell good,” Y/N smiled up at me as I began leading her to the kitchen so she could set down the rest of the bags Malcolm couldn't carry. 

My cheeks warmed and I rubbed the back of my neck. “Thanks-uh, so do you.” 

“Let me take those from you,” Jolly smiled while giving Y/N a friendly kiss on her cheek. 

“Thank you, Jolly.” She smiled. “Did we get enough alcohol? I ordered the pizzas but I won’t have time to pick them up. Oh shit, I forgot to buy cups!” 

Y/N went to turn on her heels but I gently grabbed her shoulders to keep her in place in front of me, her back to my chest. 

“You need to relax, angel. You're trying to control so much of this party. Let us help you,” I rubbed out the tense muscles in her shoulder. 

“I just want to make things perfect for Chase,” she relaxed in my embrace. “The last few years of his birthday have been filled with unnecessary drama.” 

My nose brushed along her hairline. “It will be fine. Davis will pick up the pizzas and we’ll have Nick buy the cups.” 

“Someone has to pick up Chase. If I go, he’ll be able to read me and know something is up,” Malcolm said while unloading all the party supplies. 

“Fuck, I can’t. My car is filled with the balloons,” Y/N tensed under my touch so I was quick to offer a solution. 

“Okay, so this is what we will do. Davis will pick up the pizzas. Nick will stop at the store to buy the cups. Michael and Orie are in charge of setting up the alcohol. Jolly and Jesse, you guys figure out the music. Folio will pick up Chase. Those two can talk about drums or cymbals.” 

Y/N instantly relaxed once again and leaned her head against my shoulder. “Matt is picking up the cake.”

My hands rubbed her arms. “See? We have everything figured out. There’s no need to stress, angel.” 

“I know,” she let out a deep breath. “Thank you guys for letting us have the party here. It’s a nice place, lots of space. ” 

Michael chuckled while setting up the makeshift bar on the kitchen island. “You’d think so with the five of us but I’m starting to think we’re out-growing this place.” 

“Soon, it’ll be four of you. I move out at the end of the month,” Orie said as he walked into the kitchen, giving Y/N and Malcolm a fast fist bump. 

“Oh, that’s right. With the Mrs,” Jesse smirked. 

Orie rolled his eyes with a small smirk. “She’s not the Mrs. Yet.” 

Y/N watched my roommates bicker back and forth with a bright smile which in turn, made me hold onto her a bit tighter, not wanting to let her go. From day one, she always fit in with us, never once feeling left out. Everyone welcomed her with open arms and for that, I’ll always be grateful for that. 

“Angel,” I said into her hairline.

Y/N eyes sparkled as she gazed up at me, a loose strand of silky hair fell into her face, so I brushed it away and let my finger graze over her cheek. 

“Hm?” Her voice was quiet. 

“Let me show you upstairs,” my voice matched hers.

The corner of her lips lifted in a smile. “I’d love that.” 

As the others chatted amongst themselves, I led Y/N back to the living room, hand now on her back, and as we reached the stairs Bryan walked through the front door with Matt. 

“Hi!” Y/N smiled and stepped away from my embrace to give them their own separate hugs. “Malcolm is in the kitchen, he can show you guys where to set everything up.” 

Matt smiled while letting his hand rest in the middle of her back. “You look beautiful, Y/N.” 

I kept a watchful gaze on her, even though there wasn’t a need to.

“Oh, such a sweetheart,” she playfully pinched his cheeks. “You forgot to grab the cake didn’t you?” 

“Don’t worry,” he waved her off. “Davis will pick it up on his way over here; after he gets the pizza. I already texted him.” 

Rolling her eyes, Y/N turned her attention to Bryan. “Did you bring it?” 

He held up his camera bag. “Everything is ready to go.” 

“Awesome,” she clapped her hands with excitement. 

“What are you planning?” I questioned while crossing my arms over my chest. 

Y/N merely shrugged with a coy smirk. “Oh, nothing. Now are you going to finish giving me the tour or what?” 

I held out my arm towards the staircase on my left. “After you, angel.” 

Her heels clicked against the hardwood floor only to be muted by the carpet on the stairs and I followed close behind her, Matt’s voice calling after us. 

“Leave the door open, you two!” 

Without Y/N seeing, I flipped off Matt and then led her down the long hallway, telling her whose room was whose. She walked in front of me, her scent filling my senses the entire time, and my hands ghosted over her hips as I led her to the last door on the left.

“Welcome to my abode! Mi casa su casa and all that shit,” I said as we came to a stop. 

Y/N giggled. “And you said you couldn’t speak Spanish.” 

“I tried, gave up,” I chuckled, now grasping her hips from behind. 

With her standing in front of me, I stuck my arms over her shoulders to reach for the doorknob. But before I opened the door, I rested my chin on her shoulder, and Y/N immediately relaxed in my embrace. 

“This is my room,” I breathed against the crook of her neck. 

I saw her skin prick like a cactus as my breath tickled her sensitive skin. I only imagined her nipples probably did too but had to switch thoughts to avoid my cock twitching in case Y/N could feel it brush against her ass. I gazed down at her, my eyes immediately watching the rise and fall of her chest, and I licked my lips at the sight of them. 

A light click sounded as I opened my door, gently patting Y/N’s thigh so she could walk inside. She took a few tentative steps but I didn’t let her go far without me right behind her. It’s been so long since I felt her this close and now nothing was stopping us.

My heart was so heavy with my devotion, that I nearly kneeled at her feet.  If she only knew, I would do anything for her- to the fucking grave. Either way what bliss. This would be the best chance for me to explain it; to cave and tell her those three words.

I craved Y/N’s touch, her in this room was beginning to consume me and I’d fucking let her.  I watched her eyes close and open slowly, her body movements so gentle she leaned into my tiny touches. The way my hand grazed up her back. The way my fingers danced with hers as we stepped through the threshold of my bedroom; her pinking hooking with mine. I was so close to forgetting what the event tonight was. All I wanted was her all to my fucking self and I wanted to throw her on my bed only to rip off that dress. My tongue craved to taste every single part of her. 

Y/N’s eyes took in all aspects of my room; my desk with my computer. 

“Levi, huh?” She smirked while pointing to my monitor. 

Earlier, I was watching Attack on Titan and paused the episode, never exiting out of the app. 

I shrugged while stuffing my hands deep into my pockets. “You know he’s my favorite, he’s pushing for Naurto to move for the top spot.”

“It’s the hair I bet,” she began looking around my room once again. 

To the mirror, my bed, and the rosary beads. Her eyes darted from the bed back to me, a silent question. 

I nodded, letting her know it was fine to sit, which she did by resting on the edge. I followed, not leaving any space between us. 

“Shit,” Y/N cursed with a groan. “I don’t know why I even wore heels. They kill my ankles.” 

Bending over, I lifted both her feet into my lap to remove her heels then set them on the bed behind me. 

“But they complete my outfit,” she pouted. 

I chuckled while tracing a finger over the small tattoo on her ankle, the one that mirrored mine in design and spot. 

“Just rest your feet for a little while,” I suggested, eyes still on her tattoo. 

Mine subconsciously began to itch with the memories of when we got the tattoos. Her birthday. 

“Oh,” I said suddenly, remembering what I saw online earlier. “I saw that Hollow Souls are going on tour again?” 

Y/N smiled brightly, pure excitement on her face. “Yeah. Who told you that?” 

I waved her off with the hand that wasn’t grazing over her ankle. “Oh, must have been the little birds.” 

“Sneaky birds. But did you see who we’re touring with?”  

I hummed. “Nothing, nowhere. I bet you’re fangirling on the inside right now, huh?” I teased. 

“Can you blame me?” She scoffed. “Joe’s been one of my favorite artists for years now and to experience touring with him, I haven’t stopped smiling since I got the call.”  

When I first found out about this tour, I expected myself to get jealous at the thought of her being on the road with another man while being so far from me but surprisingly, I felt at peace. I trusted Y/N and knew that although she might have had an artist appreciation, I would have liked to think that her heart stayed with me. 

“It will be a sick tour,” I nodded. “Maybe I’ll come out to a show and support you guys. How does it feel knowing this is your first tour as a three piece?” 

Y/N played with the hem of her dress. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited; nervous but very excited. But it's still daunting to know that we have to go up there without a screamer, you know? Everyone seems to be loving our new singles but having to go out there and perform them is scary.” 

“Well, if you’re ever interested in taking up screaming. There’s this great vocal coach that I’ve been looking into. She helps out a lot of artists and I have my first lesson with her at the end of the month,” I stated, fingers still grazing over her skin. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks Mochi,” Y/N reached over and ruffled my hair. 

I dragged my finger up her calf now, her skin pricking under my touch, and I dared a glance to her inner thighs and my cock was now aching in my jeans. Her head turned towards my mirror closet as she watched our reflections. 

“Hm, a mirror right in front of your bed. Kinky,” she winked. 

By now my cock was straining against my zipper and knew I needed to do something about it soon otherwise it would be an issue for the rest of the night. There it went again, my mind completely doing the opposite of what I wanted right now. All I saw were those erotic images over and over.

Y/N kneeled down on the floor between my legs and I shivered under her touch again as her nails raked up and down my thighs. I watched her actions from the mirror behind her, eyes drinking at the sight of her large back tattoo and the perkiness of her round ass. My cock twitched in front of her face as she gazed up at me, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I’ve dreamed of the way you tasted, Noah.”

I shook the thought away but it didn't last long because another image of Y/N flashed in my mind. 

A guttural groan sounded from the back of my throat and I titled my head up towards the ceiling, my long hair cascading down my back. I gripped Y/N’s head with a vise grip and guided her up and down; slowly at first until I reached the resistance of the back of her throat and buried my cock deep in there.

That dream was so vivid when I had it months ago, just as the memories are now. 

Her pussy clenched over my cock as she came undone, her arousal spreading down my thighs. I hooked my fingers in her mouth to hold her up so she could watch us in the mirror now.

“Watch as I fuck your pretty pussy,” I ordered, long hair covering my face.

Y/N did the best she could to nod with my hooks in her mouth and my pace became relentless, slamming into her so hard and fast that the noises echoed throughout my room. The burning felt warm at the base of my spine as my heart pounded wildly in my chest, my own orgasm so fucking close to destroying me.

“Noah?” 

My eyes snapped away from our reflections in the mirror to Y/N’s ethereal face, my fingers still grazing up and down her leg. “Hm?”

“Well, before you zoned out,” she giggled while removing her legs from my lap only to sit on her knees. “I was going to tell you, I love your house and your room! It’s- it’s cute. The LED lights are a nice touch.” 

I smiled. “I love the way you look with them. Soaked in neon glows.” 

Y/N’s eyes sparkled as she looked over my shoulder towards the wall where I had old Bad Omens tour posters framed. 

“No way,” she muttered while climbing off the bed to gaze upon the frames. “You kept the tour poster with Hollow Souls?” 

I rose to my feet, brushing away any hair or lint from my leather jacket, and stood behind her. 

“Yeah, it was our first tour together. It may not have ended in the best way but it’s where we met,” I brushed away her hair from her neck, seeing the tattoo of her large snake back piece peek through the top of her dress. 

Fuck, this had to be my favorite tattoo of hers. It fit her back so well, each groove of her spine. 

I really should book that appointment.

My fingers now grazed over her bracelet and I hummed low in approval. “These look really good on you, angel.” 

“I wear them all the time now. I never take them off. Not even in the shower,” she winked while gazing over at me.

Fuck. 

My cock twitched and I let out a low groan, imagining Y/N in the shower with her necklace and bracelet only on her unholy skin. I leaned my face into the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent, and when my lips brushed against the skin behind her ear, Y/N shivered at my touch. 

“Noah,” she breathed. 

“I’ve missed the way you smelled,” my teeth grazed on the shell of her ear. 

Slowly, Y/N turned in my embrace, now gazing up at me through those long lashes, and I sucked in a breath at her sheer beauty. That magnetic pull that we always felt between us began to vibrate within us, causing her to lean up towards my lips. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, letting my fingers linger on the side of her neck briefly before cupping her cheek. 

“Mochi,” she moaned softly.

I swallowed, my voice just above a whisper. “Angel.”

Y/N’s hands grasped at my arms, her nails digging into the leather of my jacket, and I continued to hold her face in between my hands. Our lips were so fucking close now, I could feel her warm breath fan across until the taste of raspberry lingered on my bottom lip. 

“Hey, Davis is wondering if the pizzas are already paid for?” Jesse came barreling through the closed door. 

My head snapped to the right, eyes narrowing at him as he peeled an orange with a smug smile on his face. 

“Shit, did I interrupt something? I tend to do that. Just with different fruits,” Jesse popped a piece of orange in his mouth. 

I sighed and let my hands fall from Y/N’s so I could point a finger at him. “You’re peeling an orange and the juices are dripping all over my clean floor.”

“It’s fine. See?” He wiped some of the juice with his foot, his sock getting citrus on it, smearing it all over the hardwood. 

“Jesse,” I gritted out through clenched teeth. “I spent all day cleaning and mopping this entire space.” 

He rolled his eyes and finished the rest of the orange in one bite. “So, Davis.” 

Y/N, who was stifling a giggle behind her hand, nodded. “Yes, the pizzas are already paid for. It’s under Malcolm’s name.”

“Cool. Speaking of which, Malcolm needs help with the banner.” 

“Of course he does,” Y/N shook her head with a chuckle and began to walk away. 

My hand reached for hers, locking around her wrist. “Do you want some help?” 

She patted my hand lightly. “I’d love that, Noah.” 

As Y/N put her heels back on, I pushed Jess out of my room, orange peels and all. Then I led Y/N back downstairs with my hands on her hips. 

“I swear, I’m going to have to buy a lock for my door if Jesse keeps popping in,” I grumbled. 

Y/N turned in my embrace slightly to smack my chest. “Oh, be nice.” 

“And if I’m not?” I teased with a raised brow. 

Just as her lips parted, another shrill voice echoed through the space of the living room; one I hadn’t expected to hear. 

“Hi, baby!”

Y/N’s feet skidded to a halt and I nearly tripped over her since she was still in front of me. 

“Surprise!” Bailey yelled while shaking her hands, standing on the other side of the open door. 

Michael stood holding the door open, unsure what to do. 

“That’s not until later,” Y/N snapped with fists clenched. 

Bailey’s eyes landed on Y/N and I could easily see the way her jaw ticked. “What are you doing here?” 

“Excuse me?” She scoffed.

Bailey pushed past Y/N towards me, trying to rest her hands on my chest; an action I quickly brushed away.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” I asked dumbfounded. 

Her brows furrowed. “I thought maybe we could talk.” 

Bailey’s breath had a lingering scent of alcohol and I scrunched up my nose in disgust. She was a fucking mess; this whole thing was a fucking mess that I needed to rid myself and everyone else of. 

I peered over her shoulder towards Michael and Y/N, whose eyes burned straight into my own; she was furious. 

Angel- my angel. She was going to be so angry with me. I had to explain; fast. My feet couldn’t get to her fast enough

“Y/N-,” I began while stepping away from Bailey. 

She shook her head, ignoring my pleas as she brushed past me. “Malcolm needs my help.” 

READER

I’m angry-no, I’m furious. 

Should I be angry? Do I have the right to feel this way? It’s not like Noah and I were together. I learned quickly what Bailey’s place was. He was clearly trying to make me jealous, and it worked. 

I ripped apart a piece of tape to hand up to Malcolm who was standing on a chair to hang up the banner. 

“What’s wrong, sweets?” He asked. 

Grumbling in response to his question, I handed him another piece of tape just as Noah walked into the kitchen. 

“Angel,” he reached for my arm. “Let me explain! I ended it!” 

I ripped my elbow from his grasp to walk away from him, ready to help Jolly finish setting up the alcohol. 

“I don’t have time for this bullshit, Noah. I have to finish setting up for Chase’s party. Not talk about unwanted guests or lies.” 

His face fell. “I’m not lying. Please, can we talk?” 

Malcolm stared down at Noah from the chair with confused eyes as Jolly’s gaze bounced back and forth between us. “What’s going on?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about. Chase will be here soon,” I ignored Jolly. 

“Y/N,” Noah begged with a trembling lip as he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “The house is already ready. We need to talk.” 

“I’m not doing this with you right now!” I spat with venom, eyes burning into his. 

“Y/N,” he tried to reach for my hands but I smacked them away. 

Jolly quickly picked up that something was wrong so after setting down the bottle of booze, he motioned for me to follow him. 

“Let’s get some air, huh?” 

Turning my back to Noah, I let Jolly lead me out of the kitchen onto their back porch, the cooling air of the afternoon immediately causing goosebumps to graze my skin; skin that Noah moments ago was touching with his lips. 

“Everything alright?”  

I began pacing, running a hand through my hair. “He lied to me, Jolly! He told me he broke things off but she’s here!” 

He shook his head. “No, Y/N, I promise you; Noah broke up with Bailey. We can all vouch for that.” 

“Then why is she here?!” I yelled with a hand extended towards the house behind him. 

“She’s here to salvage whatever she can. But that’s not on him or you,” Jolly said with his ever-calming voice. 

I swear, his accent is what always made any difficult situation easier. 

“It's just-,” I sighed while falling onto the step, Jolly immediately following me. “Every time I think Noah and I are getting somewhere, some bullshit comes up to continue to keep us apart.” 

Jolly nodded. “I can understand that, I get it. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. It really doesn’t, Y/N.” 

“Then why does this keep happening?” I blew out a shaky breath while looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. 

I was so fucking tired of the universe trying to keep Noah and me apart. I was so fucking tired of trying to be happy for more than a mere moment before something came to crash around me. 

Was I not worthy of a happy ending? After all the bullshit I’d gone through?

Jolly brushed away a stray tear, a solemn smile on his face. “Maybe the universe is-shit-I don’t know trying to humble you both first? Heal? Hell if I know, I’d kill to have that spark you two have. I don’t know shit about this, Y/N. But I do know Noah; he isn’t perfect. But he’s trying so hard to be. He also isn’t lying to you, he isn’t.”

Reluctantly, I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder. “Is it alright if I just sit here a minute with you?” 

He patted my knee. “Take all the time you need, söt.” 

“Huh?” I looked up at him. 

With a chuckle, Jolly wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “It means sweet, in Swedish. Sorry, sometimes it slips out without-.” 

“No!” I patted his knee now. “I like it.” 

With a relaxed breath, I eased into Jolly’s comforting embrace, thankful that I had so many friends to confide in when things became tough. 

MATT

So ‘distressed distraction mission fail’ was here. I chuckled to myself, my inner monologue taking over. I felt like it was closing in around me. In my mind, I was growing larger and larger, expanding with aggravation. If I say something too fast, to get myself under control, I’d explode and take the situation in my hands. 

This wasn’t my fuckin fight, I knew that. But- once again, this girl proves to me she doesn’t belong here and surely, doesn’t understand the words no.

Stop. 

Leave.

Noah ended this shit so why was she here? Dogs and fucking rabid raccoons understand basic shit better than Bailey.

I often tried to bite my tongue. I often tried to be kind when I didn’t need to be. It was important to be kind, however, not when you fuck with my family. Bailey didn’t get my message the last time. However, I knew tonight was going to be the last time she’d be around. I felt that shit in my gut.

Good fuckin riddance.

Noah was still in the kitchen and from the way Malcolm was laying into him about something, I knew he’d be held up there for a few minutes. 

I walked up to Bailey as she was sitting on Noah’s couch, a glass of wine in her hand. 

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” I taunted while crossing my arms over my chest, staring down at her. 

Bailey rolled her eyes while taking a very long sip of her wine. “Matt, seriously?” 

“Yeah, seriously. Any particular reason you’re here tonight, trying to, I don’t know, ruin another gathering?” 

“I just wanted to talk to Noah,” she slurs while slowly sanding to her feet, swaying slightly. “I think we can figure things out.” 

My face scrunched in disgust. “Why don’t you sit down, no need to make a bigger fool of yourself.”

“‘M not,” the red liquid swirled in her cup as she shook her head. 

“I’m sorry but have you been blind this whole time?” I wondered.

Bailey scoffed, suddenly falling back onto the couch and spilling a few drops of wine onto the couch. “I’m not blind.” 

Fuck, if Noah wasn’t pissed with this girl before, he definitely would be now for staining his couch. 

I bent low on my knees to make direct eye contact with her. “You keep acting like it, Bailey. You should have just taken the voicemail for what it was. Noah ended it with you; it’s done. What was the point of even coming over here? Because this thing with him isn’t going to happen. You're water and Y/N is milk.” 

“What does that mean?” Bailey hiccuped, resting her head against the back of the couch. 

I peered over my shoulder to point toward Noah, who was watching Y/N directly as she walked back inside with Jolly. She didn’t bother to give Noah an ounce of attention as she was led by Jolly into the dining room. The look of hurt and yearning from Noah made my own stomach drop. His usual stoic face was void, it was evident that his emotions were coming to the surface. Noah loved Y/N with his entire essence but this woman sitting in front of me was going to ruin it. 

The hurt I felt for my friend; no, my brother made the tone in my voice turn to ice as I glared back at Bailey.

“Y/N is the fucking moon that lights his entire dark sky. Come on, stop playing stupid,” I stood to my feet and ran a hand through my hair. 

Leaving her to sulk on her own, I motioned for Malcolm to come out front with me so we could talk privately. 

NOAH

Music blasted throughout my house, the party well underway. Chase arrived about thirty minutes ago, not a hint of surprise on his face but still wore a happy smile. Somehow he managed to find out about the party, which immediately brought a sad smile to Y/N’s face; one I wished I could brush away with my thumb. 

“Ah, it’s alright sweets. I really appreciate the effort,” Chase kissed her forehead before laying a kiss on Malcolm’s lips. “Thank you, guys. I love you.” 

I tried talking to Y/N one more time before the party started but with Malcolm’s ice-cold gaze, I knew it wasn’t the right time. It would have to wait until later. 

Something else needed my attention. 

Bailey stumbled into the living room, red solo cup barely hanging between her fingers, as she was in a fit of giggles. I internally was smoldered with resentment as I watched Bailey. Rage flowed through me like lava because she came here and did this. I tried, I fucking tried.  I realized this was the consequence of my previous actions. 

However, have I not atoned? 

I apologized. I-I tried, I called Bailey and told her I couldn’t be what she wanted. I ended it. 

I knew she knew, she told me that night in the car. I had eyes for someone else. 

I couldn’t allow her to destroy what I was working towards. I tried to swallow my frustration. Angel wouldn’t even look at me- I felt like I could die right here.  I was sitting on the couch with my arms resting along the back of it, eyes watching Y/N’s every move as she talked with Davis. 

Until Bailey fell onto the couch next to me. “I-I thought I haad a driinkie for you.” 

My jaw ticked as I ran a hand over it. “Bailey, I’m sorry, but you weren’t invited.”

“Wha-what does,” she hiccuped. “That mean?”

I moved towards the other end of the couch to give us more space. “Bailey, I left you a voicemail!” 

“I haven’t checked it! I have like 20 messages,” she waved me off before drinking from her cup. 

“Bailey-.” 

A mutual friend of Orie’s came by with a tray of shot glasses, one that Bailey reached for. 

“Oh! Shots!”

Quickly, I pushed away the tray from her and dismissed the friend, stating we were fine and didn’t need anything to drink. 

“Noah!” Bailey whined while cupping my face. “Why’d youuu do that? I’m thirsty!” 

I smacked her hand away as gently as I could. “You’re drunk, Bailey. You’ve had enough.” 

She, of course, ignored me and was fast on her feet to stumble into the kitchen. “I’m gonna go get another!”

A look of great bitterness swept across my face when I approached Bailey again and attempted to get her to leave. “Bailey, let me call you an Uber. You need to go.”

“Noah!” 

She tried to push me away but ended up crashing into the kitchen counter, knocking over the vast variety of alcohol. The loud noise caught the attention of everyone around; Y/N watching Bailey with a look of disdain, never once looking into my eyes. I curbed the way my heart fell to my stomach only because I couldn’t focus on the pain. 

I needed to get Bailey out of here.

“I missed you,” she slurred while running a finger down my chest. “I miss the way you fucked me. Can we try again?” 

I threw her arms off of me as she tried to wrap them around my neck. “No, Bailey, whatever this was is finished. You need to go.”

“We need to talk right now, mother fucker,” Chase spat as he gripped my eblow to drag me to a far corner of the living room, away from prying ears. 

“Man, not now,” I ripped my arm from him. “I’m fucking busy trying to diffuse this situation.” 

“Bailey is drunk, Noah! What the fuck!” Chase ran a hand over his buzzed head. “You’re going to do this? Now? We fucking talked about this! What did I tell you? Get it together or leave my sister alone.” 

He roughly pushed my shoulder and I took a deep breath to keep myself calm. From the moment Bailey showed up tonight, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and there was nothing I could do to stop it; breathing be damned. 

“STOP!” I suddenly snapped, earning a few stares from people around us. 

Nick R. went to step forward as he leaned against the wall with Nadia but I was quick to wave him off. I refused to ruin their night. His girlfriend was in town for the first time in a long time so the last thing they needed was to deal with my drama. 

“Fuck!” I spoke. “I did! I fucking broke it off, it’s over! Bailey just fucking showed up! And I’d hate for her to drive and die. I do not need that shit on my conscious.” 

“Noah-,” Malcolm stepped up next to Chase.

“I swear to fucking Hades himself, if you tell me to break it off with Bailey, I will lose my shit,” I snapped, the vein in my neck twitching. 

“I’m not,” Malcolm’s voice was even, steady, almost a low whisper because he knew I was seconds away from sheer catastrophe. “Y/N’s fucking hurt, Noah.” 

“I’m-.” I couldn’t even finish my sentence before Chase snapped. 

“I know you’re fucking sorry, alright! But please for the love of fucking Neptune, get rid of her!” 

“Working on it, man,” I reminded him as I turned on my heels to head back into the kitchen but came to a sudden halt. 

Bailey was dragging a guy towards Y/N, her loud shrill voice echoing over the music. 

“Y/N! This was the friend I was talking to you about!” 

Friend? What the fuck? 

The look on Y/N’s face was one of embarrassment and awkwardness. Not many could read someone from across the room but I could. I knew exactly what Y/N was feeling without an utter from her sweet lips; her body always gave her away. 

JESSE

Oh shit, oh shit. 

If only I had known how tonight was going to go. 

Truth be told, I really wanted everyone out of my fucking house. I wanted to lock Y/N and Noah in the garage, not letting them out until they talked this shit out. Although, depending on what happens next, I might have to.

I leaned against the kitchen sink as I watched with careful eyes as Bailey approached Y/N with some guy in tow. 

“Y/N! This is the friend I was talking about! The one I wanted to introduce you to! Jared, this is Y/N.” 

My gaze snapped over to Noah just in time to see him crush the red solo cup in his hand. 

“Oh, hi. Hello,” Y/N shifted on her feet. 

“Fuck,” Jared licked his lips. “You know you’re really beautiful. You’re a model ain’t you?” 

Y/N cleared her throat. “Musician, actually.”

Something was off with this guy so without them noticing, I took a few steps closer toward Y/N, just in case she needed me to step in. 

“Wow a musician, that’s right! Bailey mentioned something about that. I have heard your band before. Souls Hollow.” Jared snapped as if he found out the answer for a million dollars.

“Hollow Souls”. 

The loud pop of Y/N’s water bottle made me jump slightly as she crushed it between her hands. 

“Right! Well, you have the face and the body for modeling if that’s something you want to get into,” Jared ran a hand through his short hair. 

“No, not my interest or my forte.”

Somehow through her drunken state, Bailey was able to feel the sudden tension and patted the guy's chest. 

“Jared, why don’t you get us a couple of drinks? I need to have some girl talk with, Y/N.” 

Girl talk?

“Girl talk?” Y/N chuckled low.

Once it was the two of them, or so Bailey thought, I leaned forward on the kitchen island to listen better. 

“You know,” Bailey threw her hair over her shoulder. “It might be good for you to blow off some aggression. He could be a good fuck.” 

“Thank you for your interest in my well-being.” Y/N scoffed, ready to end this conversation, and went to walk past her. 

“I’m just saying. I’d love to be fucked by Noah again, but he hasn’t been interested,” Bailey shrugged while leaning against the counter for support. 

Oh. Fuck. 

Y/N turned swiftly on her heels with a look of pure fury behind those eyes, the ones that drew Noah in that first meeting; something he told me many times before. I could see the hurt behind that fury though. It was clear that Bailey’s words dragged the knife deeper into her heart. But just as quickly as the hurt surfaced, Y/N was quick to close herself off by crossing her arms over her chest with wide eyes, internally going into herself. 

The shit I just heard. Bailey did that on purpose, or she was so far gone on liquor she didn’t realize what she said.

 No, it was both. Bailey came here to hurt Noah, that was obvious.

Daring a glance over to Y/N, I felt my stomach drop at what I saw. While it wasn’t easy for me to read her face all the time, that look was something I’d seen on Noah’s face one too many times. 

She was passed beyond the point of disassociation. 

Silence. 

Y/N was silent. The calm before the storm. 

“Shit, Noah.” I quietly said under my breath as I nearly sped to him. 

He was sitting on the edge of the couch, elbows resting on his knees as they bounced wildly. Even with me approaching him with a fury, Noah’s eyes never left the two women behind me. 

“Noah!” I waved my hand in front of his face. “Noah!” 

“Not now man,” he waved me off, still not looking up at me. 

Following his gaze, my shoulders slumped when I noticed that Jared had returned to Y/N and was trying to hand her a drink; one that she kept refusing.

Noah’s fists were balled tightly underneath his chin, his chest unmoving as if his breath was caught in his throat.

“Yes, now! Fuck, Noah. I need to tell you something.” 

Before I could sit down, Bailey barreled her way past me onto the couch to plop down next to Noah, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“Oh, don’t they look perfect together? I’d say I’m a great fucking matchmaker. Heaven knows she needs to get laid. She’s been so uptight since I’ve met her.” 

Mother fucker. 

All this time and Bailey still couldn’t read the fucking room. 

NOAH

I shifted my body away from Bailey, her head falling away from my shoulder, as I glared at her. 

“What did you just say?” I was eerily calm even though my heart was in my ears. 

Bailey did her best to fix her hair, trying to make herself presentable. “Y/N looks so good with Jared! I’m so glad I set them up. It seemed like she’d been so lonely since the break up with Trey.” 

Jesse sat next to me. “Noah-.” 

Ignoring him, I kept my hard gaze on the mess of Bailey. “Why do you insist on bringing that asshole up in every conversation?” 

“Why does her love life bother you so much, No-O-ah.” She hiccuped then let out a low belch, the smell rancid.

It disgusted me.

I was beginning to see slight parallels with this. Trey, Bailey, Trey Bailey. Drowning their demons. Once again confirming I will not be like this. I won’t become them. My demons won’t swim.

“Why can’t you mind your own fucking business? You don’t know shit about her or any of us. You think you do because of things you read on a blog?” 

Fuck, Bailey was getting inside my skin and I wanted to scratch it away until it bled. I chewed roughly on the inside of my cheek, doing whatever I could to keep my anger under control. I couldn’t make a scene in front of everyone because of Bailey. 

She took a large gulp of her wine and lazily shrugged. “Trey was a big part of Y/N’s life; I can understand that.”

Jesse reached past me to grab the glass of wine from her since she almost dropped it because of her weak grip. The sound of glass clanking on the table in front of me was a white noise in my ears. 

“Oh, Jo-O-lly,” Bailey whined with a hiccup. “You’re no fun.” 

“Jesse,” he corrected.

She ignored him with a wave of a hand towards Y/N and this friend. “Look at them. Y/N’s so into him.”

My gaze snapped over to Y/N expecting to see her all over this guy but breathed a little easier to see that there was a decent amount of space between them and her arms were crossed over her chest. 

She was closing herself off from the conversation but ever the sweetheart, Y/N couldn’t find the way to end it.

“Hopefully, they’ll fuck. I mentioned to Y/N that we did as girl talk, so maybe she finally will too!” 

My eyes doubled in size as my head whipped back to her, heart now leaping out of my fucking throat. All the noise around me fell away, the only thing I could hear was two words. 

You’re fucked.  

“You fucking told her we had sex?” I spat through clenched teeth. 

“It was girl talk, Noah. You’re freaking out about nothing,” Bailey rolled her eyes. 

Terror washed over me because there was absolutely no fucking way she told Y/N. 

“She did. I was right there,” Jesse informed, almost as if he could read my mind. 

The fine hairs at the back of my neck rose as the anger now ran through me in waves. 

Bailey told her. She fucking told her. 

Fuck!

My hands raked through my hair, ripping it from the low bun, and I vibrated with rage. 

I should have told Y/N right after it happened. I shouldn’t have let it drag on this long. It would have hurt coming from me, yes, but now that Bailey was the one to tell her, I knew it was eating away inside of Y/N. 

Idiot. 

Idiot. 

Asshole. 

Fucking bitch. 

My heart continued to pound rapidly in my ears. I wanted to scream; the sudden shock made my muscles tense. Innate fear was instinctive and hard-wired into my brain.

This kept fucking happening. Every time I thought Y/N and I were getting somewhere, something fucking came crashing into it. How did we go from almost kissing upstairs in my bedroom to now? She ignored me as another man was practically drooling at the sight of her. 

Mine. She’s mine. She’s always been mine. 

This feeling that burned low in my gut involved a fight-or-flight response triggered by a perceived threat; Bailey. 

I hated myself more than I had in a long time. 

A sudden thought crossed my mind which made me blow out a shaky breath. Was I the threat?

No. I broke it off. 

Fuck this.

“Oh,” Bailey’s voice was sad. “I hope Jared won't mind Y/N’s scar, though. I never had the chance to warn him.”

“Excuse me?” I fumed, nostrils flaring. 

How she continued to misread the room appalled me. 

“Well, I noticed her scar during the pool day. It’s a nasty one. I can't believe she deals with that endo bullshit,” Bailey sympathized. 

“Endometriosis,” I corrected but then shook my head with the sudden realization. “How do you know about that?” 

“Why does it matter, Noah?” She shifted uncomfortably. 

The only people who knew about Y/N’s scar beside herself were Malcolm, Chase, and me. It was a very sore subject for her, something she didn’t want brought up. It was from a procedure she had years ago, one to remove a thin layer of tissue that lined her uterus to help with her heavy bleeding. 

I never noticed the scar however during our night together. My mind was elsewhere. I never paid attention to that, it could have been a stretch mark for all I knew. I was a little too occupied tasting her to care. So enamored in her, so thankful just to have every inch of her at all that night that I didn’t see it as an imperfection on her. 

And I never would. 

“It fucking does matter, Bailey!” I roared. 

Jesse’s hand rested on my shoulder, his soft touch easing the rage slightly. However, out of the corner of my eye, something else caught the attention of my rage. 

Bile rose in my throat as I watched Jared’s slimy fingers graze down Y/N’s bare arm towards the silver chain on her wrist; the bracelet I bought her. He twirled it between his fingers before flicking it away with a look of distaste. Y/N yanked her arm away from him, holding her wrist close to her chest. 

My nostrils flared as my shoulders went rigid, my body going taught. Something cold and wet dripped onto my lips and the copper taste was bitter on my tongue. I could feel my increasing heart rate, the blood rushing in and out through my ears. I swallowed thickly with my dry mouth, producing no saliva. 

My clenched fists were aching, I was sure to leave half-crescent marks on my palms. My jaw was tight as if it was wired shut and my gums must have been bleeding. I could taste it in my mouth as one simple thought continued to repeat in my mind. 

Destroy. He’s touching what’s yours. 

I could do it, it’d be so easy. 

This piece of shit dared to look at something I gave Y/N with distaste and it made me bare my teeth. 

“Fuck, Noah. Are you alright?” Jesse’s concern brought me back from seeing red. “Your nose is bleeding.”

I wiped my palm over my nose. “Is it?” 

Crimson smeared all over my hand. 

Fuck. 

With every step back Y/N took, this guy followed in an attempt to close the distance between them. A muscle in her jaw ticked as her brows furrowed, eyes darting around the room to look for someone. 

Chase and Malcolm were in the front yard with others playing one of the yard games Steven brought. Everyone else was scattered throughout the house which meant I was closest to her. 

Perhaps this fear of loss is only proof of my love for Y/N, one that she will always depend on. The curse is the blessing. Blessed with a curse. Love is tough, but I’m tough enough. I needed to get to Y/N and get to her now.

Bolting to my feet, I moved like lighting and did not listen to Jesse’s protests as I reached Y/N in a few wide strides. 

Even though she was angry at me, Y/N’s eyes lit up with relief as she saw me only for a moment. 

“Everything alright?” I asked while standing shoulder-to-shoulder with her. 

Jared motioned towards Y/N. “I’m trying to get your beautiful friend from Sollows to go out with me.”

I ground my teeth while taking a step towards him.  “It’s Hollow Souls. Hollow. Souls. You don’t even fucking know her band's name. Get the hell out of here.”

“Noah!” Y/N jeered from behind me. 

“All I’m asking for is one date, dude. She’s hard to break down to agree,” Jared shook his head. 

I stood toe to toe with this asshole, my words stone cold and stern so he understood completely. “She isn't available!”

“Really?” He scoffed while stuffing his hands in his pockets. “That’s not what your girlfriend told me. Why do you care so much about who Y/N talks to?” 

“Bailey isn’t my girlfriend; not anymore. I broke up with her days ago, it’s not my fucking problem that she can't understand it,” I reiterated for what seemed like the tenth time today. 

“Why is she here then?” Y/N muttered behind me. 

Ignoring her, I continued to stand tall in between her and Jared. 

“So again, Y/N isn’t available,” I repeated. 

“Really?” Jared chuckled. 

“Yeah, dude. Really.” 

One step closer to him. 

He outstretched his arms. “I don’t see anyone around to claim her.”

I despised the way he was talking about Y/N; someone that was mine. 

“She isn’t a fucking object,” I hissed. 

I studied him with unforgiving judgment, an icy stare bored into him, making it hard not to back away.  I gripped the glass I had in my hand. My first thought was to throw it to the floor and smash it, but I knew if I did that, I wouldn’t stop until every glass in the cupboard was in shards and Jared’s face was pushed into it. 

Violence never solved anything. I had to remind myself that this is not what I am. Not what Y/N would want. I had to keep my composure at best. I had to.

I also would never want to incite fear in Y/N. Never. I knew she wasn’t into him, but I couldn’t help but notice sleazy Jared letting his eyes roam her entire body, as much as she tried to hide herself away. His eyes went to her exposed legs, the colorful and detailed drawings on her right one. 

 I didn’t like that. 

Y/N’s smooth skin. Her perky, round, and full chest was probably what caught Jared’s attention in the first place. At this moment, he became just another enemy. But nobody, not even him, was going to try and take Y/N away from me. Not when she was mine. I wanted her all for myself.

I inhaled and exhaled so harshly; like a fucking  bull ready to charge

“I’m not saying she is an object. All I’m saying is-.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re fucking saying,” I barked “And I’m telling you Y/N isn’t available. She’s with me.” 

Jared snickered. “If that’s the case then why did she spend the last ten minutes talking to me.” 

“I’m right fucking here!” Y/N screamed while pushing past me to now step between us. “Stop acting like I’m not!” 

Jared went to reach for her which prompted me to wrap an arm around her shoulder, ready to lead her away. 

“We need to talk; let’s go upstairs,” I begged with wide eyes. 

She hastily removed my arm from her. “No, fuck you! I have nothing to say to you. This conversation is over.” 

“The hell it is,” I snapped while running my hands through my hair. “This isn’t over until we talk into the light. Please, angel. Let's go upstairs.” 

Y/N pushed my chest. “Oh, you want to talk now? You’re bored with Bailey so yet again, I’m your second option?”

Jared shifted on his feet. “Am I missing something here?”

I glared at him over my shoulder. “Yeah, none of this concerns you. Fuck off.”

“Noah!” Y/N chastised. “STOP IT!” 

My head snapped back to her. “No, don’t Noah me. We need to talk! Without this asshole.” 

“Fuck you, man!” 

Jared went to reach for me but I was a hair faster than him, pushing him back into the kitchen island. By now, our little argument caught the attention of almost everyone in the house, and the music ceased, an eerie silence falling around us. 

“Don’t you ever put your fucking hands on me or Y/N.” I seethed, my chest rising and falling with each deep breath.  

So many different gazes burned into me but I didn’t give a shit about the scene. The only thing I cared about was Y/N. 

“Angel, please can we-,” I turned back around just in time to see her bolt up the stairs, away from everyone. 

“Shit,” I muttered while bounding up the stairs two at a time to catch her. 

As I reached the landing upstairs, I caught her frame slipping into the bathroom but before I could reach her, the door slammed in my face. 

“Y/N,” my voice was soft as my knuckles tapped against the door. 

“Leave me alone!” She choked on a sob, it echoing through the wood

My forehead rested against the wall next to the bathroom, the rage and anger that consumed me minutes prior suddenly faded into the void, my heart only feeling one emotion; despair. I needed to feel Y/N in my embrace. I needed to console her and assure her that everything would be okay. 

We will be okay. 

“Noah, what the fuck was that man?” Davis demanded. 

Turning my body around, I leaned against the wall with pure exhaustion and ran my hands over my face; images of Jared’s hands all over Y/N were clear in the darkness. 

“He was touching her,” I chewed out. “His hands were-fuck!”

I pushed myself off the wall and began pacing up and down the hall, right in front of my bedroom. 

Davis watched with his hands on his hips. “You need to pull it together. What the fuck was that downstairs?! Why hasn’t Bailey left yet? I thought you ordered her an Uber?”

“I’ve been trying!” I snapped while coming to a halt. 

But when I saw the look on his face, I sighed while pinching my nose. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to snap at you but I’m just so tired of being accused tonight of shit that’s out of my control. 

“It’s alright, man,” Davis reassured me. 

“Fuck, where’s Chase? Or Malcolm? Maybe they can talk Y/N out of the bathroom.” I suggested. 

“Chase is pissed. Malcolm had to hold him back to keep him from coming up here to kick your ass.” 

With my hands on the ledge, I peered over it to see that Davis was telling the truth. Malcolm had Chase pinned against the front door, arms on each side of him in a way to lock him in a makeshift cage. It helped that Malcolm was a bit bigger than Chase so he couldn’t push past him, which I was thankful for because his usual bright eyes were dark with hatred. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about up here but I knew with the way Chase pointed up at me and the vein in his forehead throbbing that it wasn’t good. Malcolm rested a hand on Chase’s cheek, the latter immediately relaxing in the former’s touch.

“I never meant for this to happen,” I blew out a shaky breath, doing my best to keep my tears at bay. 

It wasn’t fucking fair. I did everything right so why was it coming back to bite me in the ass?

“I know,” Davis stepped up beside me to lay a hand on my shoulder. “I fucking know this is killing you right now. But you have to move past this. Y/N doesn’t deserve this side of you. And frankly, neither do you.” 

“I know I said I can wait for years if I have to, Davis. But fuck, I want us right now! I can’t see anything else but Y/N.  I want her with me! I want all of her forever. It’s her and me I-.” 

A sob crawled its way out of my throat.  "I want all of her. Forever.” 

“It’s okay, Noah,” he rubbed my back in smoothing circles. “It may not seem like it right now but I promise you, it will be okay.” 

The soft click of the bathroom sounded loud in the hallway upstairs but when I turned towards it with a hopeful smile, it faltered when Y/N whipped past us, her hair flowing behind her in waves. 

“Angel.” 

I reached for her, only for Y/N to rip farther away from me, and retreat downstairs. 

READER

Tears fell from my eyes as I hid behind my hair, heels reaching the bottom of the stairs. While my heart beat rapidly in my chest, my mind screamed one thing in my mind over and over again. 

You need to leave. Get out. Get out. 

I looked around with frantic eyes for Chase and Malcolm, knowing that I wasn’t in the best state of mind to drive. By now, the vast group of people that came for the party had dispersed only leaving our small group of friends. Instead, my gaze locked with Nick R’s and I nearly sobbed at the sight of him. I needed some sort of comfort from someone and it didn’t matter who it was; as long as it wasn’t Noah. 

Before I could make my way over towards Nick R., a vice grip wrapped around my elbow to spin me around. 

“You couldn’t stay away, could you?!” Bailey’s nails dug into my skin. 

I hissed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” 

“Noah could have moved on with me! I could have made him so happy!” Her words slurred together, the heavy stench of alcohol on her breath. “But no, every time I was with him, there you were! You couldn’t fucking leave him alone!” 

The tears tasted bitter on my tongue. “Excuse me?”

Bailey chuckled dryly, barely able to keep herself up on two feet.  “You’re his fucking ghost. You’re here all the time. It’s a good thing I showed up tonight. I followed my gut. But I don’t know what hurts worse; you and Noah sneaking around behind my back or-.” 

“We-.” 

She stuck up a finger to hush me. “Behind my back or you both lying about your feelings for each other to my face. You’ve been in love this whole fucking time and I was only a pawn in this story.”

I slowly shook my head, suddenly feeling guilty. It was true, even though we didn’t want to admit it, but she was a pawn. An innocent person caught in the crossfire of a tangled mess of soulmates. 

“Bailey.”

“No!” She screamed with her own tears. “What also hurts is that I can’t blame you! I can’t! But I truly don’t know how you’re going to be able to give him anything he needs.” 

Pure venom filled her eyes; a snake ready to snap at its prey. “I-I don’t-I know everything and I can’t help but feel sorry for you. I know how hard it will be for you to have a child. How do you think Noah feels about that? You’re taking away his chance of having a family, any chance of normalcy!” 

I nearly stumbled back, being smacked in the face with her words, and I blinked rapidly at her. “Wh-How do you know?” 

Bailey ignored me by throwing up her hands. “So take him! Noah is all yours. You two fucking deserve each other.”

My eyes now sliced into her. “How the fuck do you know about that, Bailey?”

“He’ll never love me like he loves you, and it’s selfish of you to keep throwing him away.” She yet again avoided my question. “He wouldn’t touch me, never. Especially when you were around. Only that one time but all he thought about was you.”

“I’m not! You don’t know a fucking thing! Noah doesn’t love me! He doesn’t.” I bellowed as loud footsteps came running down the steps. 

Noah’s frantic face pleaded for me to stay, to listen, but I refused; I was done with this entire day and wanted to leave. 

“I’m leaving,” I said, turning on my heels. 

“Angel, please wait!” Noah reached for me, yet again.

“Hang on,” Bailey stepped in front of him, blocking his path to me. “Y/N is Angel?” 

I didn’t bother hearing the excuse Noah came up with. My only path was the front door where Nick R. stood, waiting for me with it wide open.

Somewhere an hour outside of Cheston, South Carolina in a nursing home, a resident named Duke was so enamored with the elderly woman that sat beside him. He read to her every day about a story of love, loss, and the power to fight for love.

“Did they love each other?” The woman asks, brushing away the graying strands of her hair.

Duke closed the book and smiled. “They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”

The older lady rested deeper into her chair, a faint smile on her lips.“I like these kinds of stories,” 

“Yeah? Me too.” Duke smiled at her and set the book on the table in front of them. “Somewhere out there, I’m sure this exists. It did for me.”

THIRD PERSON POV

“Leave me alone!” Y/N screamed over her shoulder to Noah who was following on her heels. 

He let her walk away so many previous times and he was done letting the cycle continue. 

“You’re not leaving!” Noah ordered, his voice echoing into the night air. 

Chase and Malcolm, who were sitting on the front porch, watched the entire scene unfold in front of them. Chase wanted to intervene, still reeling from what happened before the party ended but Malcolm held him in place with a hand on his knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“They need to figure this out on their own, Chase. We can’t keep helping them.” 

Davis and Matt also wanted to intervene as they watched through the large window in the living room. They wanted to help, but even they shook their heads. 

“This is it. The dam broke and it’s about fucking time,” Matt said while leaning against the wall next to the window. 

“Let them hash it out. This is going to be cathartic for both of them.” Davis said while peaking through the curtains. 

Steven almost popped out of nowhere with a sigh. “Here we go.” 

Suddenly, the dark sky above cracked with a bright light, rain immediately falling from the clouds and soaking Noah and Y/N as they continued their stare off in his driveway. 

“Have you been paying attention to anything happening?!” Y/N accused, wet strands of hair clinging to her face. 

“No, I guess not!” Noah retorted back. “I must have misread every fucking signal!” 

“Guess you did!” Y/N scoffed while turning back on her heels, the loud clicking being muted by the sounds of the onslaught of rain and thunder. 

When she opened the door to her car, Noah was quick to slam it shut. “You’re bored! You know it and we wouldn’t keep doing this if something wasn’t missing! But you don’t fucking get it!” 

“Get what?” Y/N questioned while trying to open the door again. 

Noah slammed it shut again, not allowing her to leave.  “WHY?! Why am I not worthy?” 

As he screamed those words a few more times, his despair was heard by everyone inside the house who watched with broken eyes, the yellow hue of the street lamp casting him in his own angelic aura. 

Y/N’s lips mimicked a fish out of the water, despite being drowned under the rain

“This whole fucking thing of hot and cold with you!  You’re being a pain in the ass!” Noah rested his arm on the top of her car, bright eyes burning into hers. 

Her eyes bulged out of her head and she gave a hard shove to his chest. “Excuse me? You arrogant son of a bitch, you tell me all this shit! I sit there and tolerate this distraction of yours, who sits there and tells me little theories and fucking intrusive bull shit. She pries into parts of my life; parts she shouldn’t know!” 

Noah’s face softened, immediately knowing what Y/N was referring to. “I didn’t tell her, Y/N. I swear to Hades, I didn’t tell Bailey about your endometriosis.”

“Then how does she know? It’s not public knowledge!”

He tried to reach for her but Y/N pushed him away with yet another hard shove. “Don’t fucking touch me!” 

Chase went to bolt outside into the onslaught of the storm to protect his sister but Malcolm was quick to bring him back inside. Unfortunately, this wasn’t their fight anymore. It was up to Noah and Y/N. 

“Angel, please,” Noah begged with a trembling lip. “Come back inside so we can talk about this.” 

Y/N ripped her hands through her hair. “There’s nothing to talk about, Noah! Don’t you get it?! We keep running in circles with no positive outcome. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t.” 

They both were drenched, limbs shivering from the cold wind and rain, but neither of them made the first move to falter; to end this fight. 

“Stop acting like I don’t care about you; about us!” Noah snapped. 

“I never said you didn’t! If anything I felt the same way you fucking idiot! I-I’m-.” 

The words died from her lips, unable to finish her sentence due to the fear of Noah not feeling the same. 

“You what?” He urged while taking a step towards her. 

Y/N wildly shook her head as her make up ran down her face, staining her cheeks and neck in mascara. 

“I-I can’t.” Y/N pressed her palm into her forehead. 

“Yes, you can,” Noah licked his lips in anticipation. “Fuck, Y/N! YOU WHAT?!”

“I’m in love with you! Okay?! I fucking love you.” Y/N turned on her heels to walk down the driveway but stopped, quickly turning to Noah. 

Everyone inside the house gasped, all looking at each other. 

“Did she?” Folio wondered. 

Malcolm had a hint of a smile on his lips. “Yeah, she did.” 

“You always just pretend that everything is fine when it’s not!” She pointed a firm finger at him.  “Then you stand there and have the right to say I’m the pain in the ass? Fuck you, Noah! I’m so tired of you pretending that you don’t have feelings for me.” 

Noah’s eyes widened with furrowed brows and his jaw slacked. “You-You-’re-wait!”

He shook his head in disbelief but then confusion etched over the features of his face. “I’m pretending? I’ve been trying to tell you for months! But I don’t know how to do any of this, okay? These feelings are new for me and I don’t know how to deal with them!”

“This isn’t going to work,” Y/N sobbed while holding her arms close to her chest, whether it was due to the cold or to protect herself from the feelings, no one but her was sure. 

Noah gapped at her. “We haven’t even started anything! And I’m fucking sorry about everything and Bailey! I’m so fucking sorry! I should have never even walked into the record shop that day. My head was a mess after seeing your instagram post and I lost it.” 

“Wait,” Y/N shook her head. “What Instagram post?” 

Noah ran a hand on the back of his neck. “The one you posted in Japan. I-I thought you found someone there that could get you actual ramen.” 

Y/N couldn’t help but internally snicker at that but the anger and hurt she felt outweighed that glimmer of humor. 

“So you dated someone because you misunderstood a fucking Instagram post?!” She pushed Noah once again. 

However this time, he grasped her hands so she couldn’t pull away. He held them against the beating pulse underneath his soaked shirt. 

They were exactly alike. In every aspect. Mannerisms, interests, and their souls were the same. Which is why they always seemed to find their way back to one another, no matter the outcome. 

“Just fucking stay with me, Y/N! Stay till the morning and we can figure this shit out. Please,” Noah begged with trembling lips. 

“Stay with you?” Y/N pushed away then pointed between them. “Look at us, Noah! All we’ve been doing is bickering and fighting!” 

“Well that’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99 percent of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing!”

By now, the rain was a terrental down pur, branches of the trees swaying widely in the wind as the sky cracked loudly with lightning and thunder; it shook both Y/N and Noah to their bones. 

“So what?” Y/N scoffed. “Why does it matter to you?”

“Because I fucking love you, angel!” Noah blurted out. 

He planned on telling her how he really felt from the moment the feelings clawed their way to the surface but something always managed to get in the way of it. But here, now, outside his house with all of their friends watching, he admitted it to her. 

And he’d spend the rest of his days shouting from the rooftops his love for his angel. 

“This shit is hard for me. I’m being vulnerable, but fuck, man” Noah pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling and exhaling his breaths; like Dr. Poulos had told him to do so. 

Y/N gazed up at him with a fixed gaze unable to move. “What?” 

The onlookers had their ears peeled to their spots, doors and open cracks of the windows.

“Oh thank the gods.” Michael breathed out

“Fuck!” A low clap from Jesse.

Noah stood no less than a few inches apart from Y/N and his arms fell to his sides. 

“I love you! I’ve loved you since I heard your fucking voice for the first time through my Ipod that night on Nick’s couch. The first day of the tour when I got off that bus.” 

Y/N’s bottom lip quivered. “You love me too?” 

“Yes, angel. I want all of you, you and me! Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? Five, ten years from now. What does it look like? If it’s not with me then, go. Go!” 

Noah smacked the hood of Y/N’s car. “I lost you once. Shit, twice. I think I can do it again. If I thought that’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.”

Chase, yet again bolted up from his spot from in front of the window, ready to run outside to protect his sister but now it was Nick R. who stopped him. 

“Move,” Chase spat through gritted teeth. 

Nick R. shook his head with a stern face. “We can’t intervene anymore. This has to be between them and them alone.” 

“He’s getting violent! Noah just punched her car!” Chase yelled, not bothering the sleeping drunk on the couch behind him. 

Nick R. stood his ground. “We all know that Noah would never put his hands on Y/N.” 

Reluctantly, Chase nodded with a long sigh. “I know, I know. He might be your brother but she’s my sister. I’m just tired of seeing the same scene unfold between them.” 

Malcolm gently reached for Chase’s hand and brought him back to the far corner they were seated in. 

A loud crack of thunder made Y/N jump closer towards Noah, who instinctively reached for her but held back, not wanting to push her farther than she could handle. 

“What easy way, Noah? This isn’t easy!” Y/N sighed. “None of this is easy!” 

“No it is, actually.” Noah nodded. “Don’t think about anyone or anything else. What do you want from me? What do you want, angel?”

She rapidly shook her head, choking on a sob. “It’s not that simple.”

“What. Do. You. Want?” Noah enunciated every word with a pound fist to his chest. 

When Y/N remained silent, Noah grasped her face to bring her into his warm embrace, even with the rain. “God damn it! What do you want?”

Her eyes darted between Noah’s and her bottom lip caught between her teeth. He watched as she swallowed thickly, anxiously awaiting her answer. 

“I think-,” Y/N stumbled over her words. “I need to clear my head right now.”

Noah’s shoulders drop, disappointment clear on his face. “Are we doing that? Are we back there? What about everything we feel? What about everything that happened hours ago and beyond that. It happened, you know. They’re going to keep fucking happening. We belong together, Y/N.”

The grip on her cheeks tightened, his thumb brushing away the tears or rain, he couldn’t tell, from her cheeks only smearing her make up even more. 

“No! I don’t want to go back there. Noah,” she shook her head the best she could in his tight grasp. “I-I need to grasp all of this! But there’s one thing I know for sure; it’s always been you, Noah.” 

The crushing weight around his heart lifted at hearing her words. Noah’s thumb brushed along her cheek bone. 

“I can stay away if you want me to, but I don’t want to. I know you don’t want me to,” he whispered. 

Y/N whimpered while holding onto his wrists with a tight grip. “I love you, Noah. It was never really over for me.”

“It wasn't over and it still isn’t over,” Noah declared while crashing his lips to hers, locking her into place against her car with his hips. 

Moving fast, sensual, soft and moist and hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath. One sensation. One timeless and passionate moment. Their hearts were electric as the familiar scars faded with their lips upon each other.

The heat rose in Y/N cheeks as her tongue touched Noah’s, quick and electric and delicious, then firmer, more determined. More curious about the heat that lay within, seeking to chase down that elusive liquid lightning that reached through both of them. 

His hands were so soft despite the callous’ on his fingertips. Holding her face so delicately but with pressure.

The others in the house felt as if they should look away, however, given the rollercoaster they were on, they earned a peek at what their inner hearts also yearn for.

Noah’s hips pressed deeper into Y/N and he swallowed her moan, drinking in every part of her that he craved all this time. Her hands tangled through the strands of his hair, secretly reveling at the length. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Noah could pull off any haircut but deep down, she was thankful that the moment she met him, his hair cascaded to his back in glorious dark waves. 

She pulled on the lapels of his leather jacket to bring him closer, her teeth grazing over his bottom lip. 

“Angel,” he moaned into her mouth. 

“Mochi,” she breathed when his cock pressed against her heated core. 

The storm suddenly ceased as soon as their lips met, thunder and lightning no longer. 

There was a commotion coming from inside the house, one that went unnoticed by the two forms molding together; their souls connecting in a way that they so desperately needed.  

“Noah!”

He pulled away from Y/N, hands still on her face and lips parted, drops of the rain falling into his mouth. One more quick kiss upon those bruised lips, he looked up towards Jesse. 

“You have to deal with Bailey.” He said with a stern face. “Now.”

Cursing under his breath, Noah looked back to Y/N. “Don’t leave, alright? Give me a few minutes to deal with her. But I promise, we’re going to finish this.” 

Y/N sniffled while wiping away the rain and make up from her face, giving him a slow nod. 

With one final peck, savoring the sweet taste on her lips, Noah bounded up  the yard with Jesse in tow. However, Nick R. met him half way. 

“I know,” Noah held up his hand. “I’m dealing with it now.” 

“Good,” Nick R. nodded. “Because Bailey locked herself in the bathroom and won’t leave until you talk to her.

However, unbeknownst to Jesse and Noah who slipped back inside, Bailey managed to exit through the back door unseen. She had her gaze on one person, making a beeline towards her. 

“Like I said, you can’t stay away from him!” Bailey screamed. 

Y/N was touching her lips softly, as she remembered the kiss, but looked towards Bailey as she stormed into her. Nick R. was ready to head back inside with the rest of them but as soon as he saw Bailey push Y/N into her car, he quickly changed his path. He couldn’t leave the two of them alone, not when Bailey was drunk and actions were unknown. 

NICK R

I hung back off to the side but not too far as I watched Bailey and Y/N finally have words with each other. 

“You ruined everything!” Y/N brushed Bailey off of her, standing her ground. “This party was for Chase but you couldn’t handle your fucking booze as usual and had to run your mouth!”

“All you had to do was stay away! Why couldn’t you let Noah be happy?” Bailey accused. 

Oh, please. The only time the last time I’d seen Noah happy was when he was with Y/N. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Y/N scoffed with a dry chuckle. “You were the one that was brought into something you couldn’t understand.” 

Something flashed in Bailey’s eyes which made me stand taller in attention. I’ve read the signs. I’ve heard them before. That’s what Bailey didn’t understand. This wasn’t a fling, or a feeling of empty love lost. This was something created by a force no one was sure existed. This wasn’t anyone’s intention. They can’t be apart for too long, the anguish will swallow them whole.

When passion generates within the relationship flows into other areas of life. Bailey disrespected my friend. My best friend’s other half. That just wouldn’t do. 

She could yell, scream, and curse the ground Y/N walked on. It wouldn’t change anything. It will never change the course this is. 

It’s always Noah and Y/N.

“You want to talk about things you don’t understand? You’re delusional if you think your band can hack it without Trey. He was probably in his right mind to leave and do his own thing.” 

Fuck. 

I gazed over towards Y/N and my stomach fell at the broken expression on her face. 

Bailey continued her onslaught, not caring how deep her words were cutting. Noah told me months ago how fucked up Trey was and how long it took Y/N to over come how far he dug himself into her mind. 

“You guys want to be innovative! And be the next big thing but guess what, you’re just going to fall on your face. I got news for you, next time I see your record? Clearance it goes.” 

Y/N took a step forward which in turn made me reach and arm out to keep the space. Her eyes flashed to mine but with a curt nod from me, I allowed her to continue what she was going to say. 

“You don’t know shit about my life or my music,” she hissed with venom. “What, because you read some blogs online and work in a music shop you think you know what’s best?”

Bailey tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I don’t need to know the little details. I know just enough to know you’re never going to make it and you’re gonna ruin Noah’s life.”

“News flash Bailey,  I’ve already fucking made it. With or without Trey, Hollow Souls is where it’s at because of me.” 

Y/N stabbed a finger into her own chest and I couldn’t help the proud smile that played on my lips. 

“And it will continue to thrive because of me. And Malcolm. And chase. Not some girl's opinion who thinks she knows everything because she’s been in our inner circle for all of two months.” 

Bailey opened her mouth to retort but Y/N pushed past my arm so she could get right into her face. 

“I would rather chew concrete than ruin Noah’s life. I love him, I’ve loved him for a long fucking time and fuck you for thinking I’m going to allow you or anyone to intervene. Never again.” 

With a hand on Y/N’s lower back, I motioned towards the house. “Bailey, I think you’re done here. 

All the fight that Bailey had left in her seemed to falter and reluctantly, she turned to retreat back into the house. To do what, it didn’t matter to me. I needed to make sure Y/N was alright. 

“Hey,” I finally forced her to look at me. “Are you alright?” 

“Uh,” she let out a shaky breath while wrapping her arms around herself, shivering. “No. I’m not. It’s been a shit night.” 

“Do you want me to see if Nadine has some clothes for you? Get you out of those wet clothes?” I offered. 

Y/N shook her head. “No, it’s alright. I think I’m going to leave.” 

My stomach dropped for Noah, knowing that he wished for her to stay. But I wouldn’t force Y/N to stay. But what I could do was give her some sense of reassurance. 

“You want to know something cheesy? Something- a little too cliche?” I asked.

“What’s that?” Y/N sniffled with a slight chuckle 

I leaned against the car next to her, both of us staring up at the sudden clear sky; stars sparkling upon us. 

“The reason why it hurts so much is because your souls are connected.”

“Nicholas-.” Y/N started. 

I turned towards her now.  “No. No, I’ve been studying up on things like this, purely out of fun; Well, interest? Maybe genuine boredom but that detail doesn't matter. I’ve watched you both for a while now and it’s clear the two of you were always meant to find one another. I thought this kind of shit only existed in books. Turns out, I’ve watched it happen to my best friend. Noah found you. You’re his other half.” 

She sobbed quietly. “And he’s mine.”

“Yeah,” I nodded with a smile. “He fucking smiles with you, you know. He laughs with you. You mean everything to him. I’ve known this kid since he was 12-.” 

“Did Noah put you up to this?” Y/N questioned.

I shook my head. “No he didn’t tell me to talk to you but as his brother I needed to.”

“I just need-I need a space from this right now, just to get my head together.” Y/N said after a few beats of silence. 

I had some reservations about that, ones that I  made clear as I opened her car door for her, letting her drop in with a huff of a breath. 

“It didn’t work out so well the last time you two had space. So please don’t wait too long, Y/N. One friend to another,  I’m begging you, please, don’t break him. You both love each other. Noah can’t stay away from you and you can’t either.” 

“I know, Nick, I know. I love him, I- just-,” she rested against her head rest.

I lent in her car to start it, quickly turning on the heat, before leaning over the open door once again. 

“Work on your record. Get all this angst out. But don’t make him wait forever,” I said.

“It won’t be, I promise,” Y/N smiled up at me. It was weak and faint but it was there. “Can you tell him I had to go but we’ll talk soon.” 

I buckled her seatbelt, making sure she was safe. “I will. I’ll let Malcolm and Chase know you left too.” 

“Thank you, Nicholas.” 

“Oh Y/N?” I hesitated before shutting the door. 

Broken but hopeful eyes stared up at me. “Hm?” 

“The album release- we’re only a few songs away from mixing and mastering. It’s almost done. Keep an eye out of those deets,” I pointed a playful finger at her.

She smiled again, this time large and bright. “Noted.”

I stood with my hands in my pockets as I watched her pull out of the driveway, giving one final wave as she turned down the block. With a deep breath, I focused my attention on another friend that needed my help. I know that he was dealing with a huge issue inside and he needed to know the truth. 

As I stepped back inside the house, it didn’t surprise me to see that everyone in our inner circle had filled the kitchen as they watched the scene of Noah and Bailey unfold in front of them. 

Chase went to rise to his feet from the kitchen island but I assured him with a tigh smile. 

“She’s okay. She went home,” I mouthed.

That eased Malcolm and Chase only slightly as they went back to watching this mess unfold.

Bailey looked my way but my eyes were locked on Noah and I could see he was one more blow away from breaking. 

It’s intervention time. 

I knew where Noah was headed and it wasn’t good. Bailey let into him, and had no qualms on what she said to Y/N.

If looks could kill.

No scratch that. If Noah could change into a werewolf I think he would. The rage he held in his shoulders was proof enough. 

NOAH

I felt that rage burning low in my gut again as Bailey stood in front of me. I wanted to kick her out, have her find her own way home, but the good part of me knew that it wasn’t right. She was drunk and it was late, something could happen to her and I couldn’t have that on my conscience. Thankfully while I was outside with Y/N, Matt called Bailey an Uber that was minutes away. 

A few more words and this whole mess would be done and over with. 

“Bailey, you need to tell Noah what you said to Y/N,” Nick said as he came up next to me. 

My eyes snapped up from the old, worn, floors and up to her face. “What is he talking about?” 

She shifted on her feet with hesitation before she explained every mean and hurtful thing she told Y/N tonight; no ounce of regret on her face. 

“How could you say that to her?” I snapped while running a wild hand through my hair. “Why?! You think you know everything but you don’t know a fucking thing. My god, you were one of my biggest mistakes. You need to get the fuck out of my house and life. I’m serious.” 

Except, she ignored me and rested her hands on her hips. “Y/N is Angel?” 

My brow furrowed. “Why the fuck does that matter?” 

“Uh,” Bailey hesitated, fidgeting with her nails. “I thought that’s what you called me because when I saw the contact in your phone-.” 

“What the fuck,” I doubled back, head swirling in disbelief. “You went through my phone?”

A low whistle sounded from the kitchen but I didn’t have to look to see that it came from Matt. 

Betrayal dug its knife deeper into my chest. 

“I-I-just wanted to see what you were hiding-,” Bailey stammered. “I looked through your phone. I had this feeling you were hiding something from me. I thought it was my name but the texts didn’t match up.” 

Suddenly, the little light bulb in my head clicked on. 

“That’s how you know about Y/N’s endometriosis. You saw the group chat with me, Malcolm, and Chase?” 

Bailey remained silent, only nodded to give me an answer. 

“What the fuck, Bailey?! You know how private I am but yet you still went through something of mine!” I began to pace the room, running a hand over my face. 

“I heard the voicemail, Noah! I just thought if we talked it out- I don’t know. We could work it out,” Bailey blew out a shaky breath. 

I came to a halt in front of her. “There’s nothing to work out, Bailey. We're done; finished. You never should have been in the picture to begin with. 

“Noted,” she nodded. “It’s Y/N, isn’t it? It’s always about her! I knew it. I should have followed my gut!” 

A look flashed across her face. “You’ve thought about her..with me didn’t you?” 

Everyone’s eyes landed on me like a burning itch to the back of my neck. 

“Bailey,” I sighed, suddenly done with this conversation.  

“She’s the one, isn’t she?” Bailey questioned, all the anger gone from her eyes and voice. 

There was no use in denying the truth any longer. Y/N and I confessed our love for each other, it was time everyone else knew about it. Although, I’m sure they already did. 

When I finally nodded to Bailey, it hit like a ton of bricks. She said those things, she uttered them. She spit at the face my soul was intertwined with. 

I dare put my angel through this. That’s over now; never again will I put in the crossfires of someone else’s demons. This was my last battle. I could sense Bailey understood, but she wasn’t grasping with the idea that I wasn’t hers. She needed to let go.

There was something in the way I shouted at her earlier, a pain behind it. “How could you speak to her that way?” 

My heart hurt, my hand clutching my chest in anguish. It’s as if I could feel her pain physically. 

Must be a soulmate thing. 

Nicholas watched me, he watched my eyes then he knew. 

The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate. I breathed in real slowly. 

What if nothing blew up? What if Bailey just truly didn’t grasp this?

With a deep breath, I rested my hands on my hips. “Bailey. I’m sorry. I wish I could give you what you’re looking for but I can’t.”

Once again my emotions turn jagged and my insides tight.  I waited, wide eyed and heart in my mouth, hoping for kindness, when I explained this again.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. It was never my intention. I sincerely apologize,” I continued. “I fucked up and admit that. It was never supposed to get this far.  I just-I’ll never get over these feelings for her. She’s all I think about. I love her and although I'm not proud you were caught in the crossfire. I’m not sorry for who I love. It’s always her, that’s my angel.”

Finally, a hint of a smile cracked on her stone face. “I already know what this was. There’s a part of you that you kept closed off from everyone, including me. It’s as if I wasn't the one you were really with. Your mind was always on her.”

My face twitched as she cupped my cheek “Don’t let her slip away, Noah. It will be the biggest regret and I don’t want to see it destroy you.”

I gently removed her hand and nodded. “Thank you. Again, I’m sorry.” 

“I apologize for the scene I caused tonight. That wasn't mature of me. I was hurt but this wasn’t fair to any of you,” Bailey began to sober up. “I also owe a big one to Y/N.” 

“Well make sure to let her know.” 

“Uber is here,” Matt shook his phone while walking to the front door, opening it for it. 

With a tight smile, Bailey grabbed her things and quickly ran out the door. Matt, with a two finger salute, kicked the door shut and locked it for good measure. 

“Good fucking riddance,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Wait, Y/N’s still outside,” I shed off my jacket, tossing it on the railing of the staircase. “Let her in.” 

“Noah,” Nick spoke up. “She left.” 

My eyes snapped over to him, heart rate intensifying as my breathing became harsh and ragged. 

“She told me she’d stay,” I swallowed thickly. 

My ears rang with white noise as the room began to close in around me. 

“Don’t panic Noah, I spoke to her,” Nick reassured me with a hopeful smile. 

“But-,” I shook my head. 

“It’s okay. Y/N just needs to work through this. It’s a new phase Noah. You both have to get passed through some shit. You love each other. You are going to be together. Just have some hope.”

Knowing there was nothing I could do at this moment, I nodded and thought about that one word. 

Hope. 

Hope is in the way I feel like I can smile, in the way we are quiet when she can reach out with her eyes. 

Gathering strength to make a better choice, to breathe and let love have a moment to guide me, to guide us.

I knew Y/N needed a little space after this. I knew that, perhaps I needed space as well. To feel love and be loved back. 

We love each other. We love each other. 

I still had a few things I needed to work out, and I think she might too. 

Hope is in that soft shrug of hers, the playfulness of her smile. Every time we reach for the sun.

Maybe when we’re not so different, we will make amends and no longer having to pretend.

Nick’s voice was faltering as I sped up the stairs towards my bedroom where my phone was, still perfectly perched on my desk; almost as if Bailey set it back in the exact spot it was before she looked through it. 

Me: Why’d you leave?

Message Undeliverable. 

“What the fuck?” I muttered while sending another text. 

Me:  I understand you have some things to work on and so do I. But please don’t stray too far, Y/N. I’ll wait for years if I have to. 

Message Undeliverable. 

Fuck. 

There was a chance her phone was off but that didn’t deter me from stopping. 

Me: I love you. 

I breathed out a chuckle when I saw the text bubble turn blue, meaning the text went through. 

Angel 🪽: I love you too, mochi.

The corner of my lips curled up in a smile as that word echoed in my mind again. 

Hope. 

As I stood in front of the bathroom mirror shirtless and a pair of warm gray joggers, sometime after setting my phone back down, I had the scissors on one end of the counter and a buzzer on the other. A soft knock sounded on the opened door and I gave a weak smile to Folio. 

“Are you doing alright?” He questioned while leaning against the doorframe. 

“It hurts, knowing that once again there’s this space between us but the outcome is different this time around. For once, there’s hope.” 

“It’ll be okay man,” he assured me.

“I know.” 

Folio pushed himself off the door frame to hope up on the bathroom counter. “There’s no fucking universe where yall don’t end up together.”

“Thank you for your optimism,” I smiled lightly. 

"It’s true! Somehow in every universe you end up together. Whether you two are married with a son named Kenji or she joins us on the road together after the two of you spend one night together."

My heart fluttered at the sound of those alternate lives. “Kenji? Let me guess-we kick Matt’s ass in Mai tai?”

“Yes, bro!” Folio smacked my chest. “ Y/N is always meant to be there, Noah.” 

I leaned against the opposite wall. “It’s wild how thought out you have this idea of me and Y/N.” 

“Ah, I don’t know,” he shrugged with that goofy smile. “I can see it. There’s other universes out there, you know? I watched this special about it on Discovery+ or some shit.”

“That so?” I raised a brow with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, who knows. But I believe y’all will be.”

We fell in silence for a long beat before it was me who smacked his chest. "Michelle has you watching these specials, huh?”

Folio scoffed while rolling his eyes. “She barely pays attention after she asks to put it on.” 

I couldn't help but laugh, imagining Y/N snoozing on my lap after we watched another episode of I Think You Should Leave. 

“I can’t wait to have that,” I admitted. 

“In time. I promise you. I'm your friend, and I know. Take the time you both need. Heal. I’m a firm believer in patience when you’re trying to catch a good one. Trust me, I’m a fisherman,” Folio grinned while adjusting his fishing cap. 

“Fucking fishboy,” I rolled my eyes with a smile. 

 A hopeful one.

“So what’s with that?” He pointed to the scissors. 

I shrugged while holding the scissors now. “I’ve had all this weight at the back of my neck for years now. I need something new, a breath of fresh air. I’m suffocating. I need to see the back of my fucking neck, man.”  

“I’m not going to be here in case you regret that decision,” Folio patted my shoulder before jumping off the counter, leaving me alone yet again. 

With a long breath, I gathered my hair in a low ponytail, keeping it in one hand while I brought the scissors to it, the sound of chopping echoing in the small bathroom.

“Hang up my shame on display for you,” I sang low as I held up the cut ponytail in front of my face.

I shivered when a cold breeze brushed against the nape of my neck, reveling in the feeling. 

When there was no light, when there was nothing beyond the boundaries of my skin, hope was a ladder woven of heaven’s vibrations that spoke right to my healing soul. 

Hopes was a ladder that both Y/N and I could make it to the top. Because I believe it's destined in our hearts.

All I knew is that Y/N loves me back.

She fucking loves me.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #enemies to lovers #right person wrong time #starcrossed lovers

[marvelouslizzie]

unconventional methods - chapter 2

Summary: Bucky Barnes struggles with his feelings towards Bunny, leading him to make a big mistake. Now he must make it right. It means doing something he is uncomfortable with.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (SHIELD Agent Bucky Barnes x Adult Content Creator Reader)

Word Count: 6.7K

Warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, texting, overthinking, self-doubt, misunderstandings, pet names, video call, mutual masturbation, slight dirty talk if you squint, metal arm use, use of a dildo, teasing, small dose of sub/dom dynamic, no mention of y/n.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who showed interest in the first chapter. I really didn't expect this story to get the attention it did. Means a lot to me. If you didn't read the first chapter, you definitely should before reading this one.

unconventional methods - chapter 1

marvelous lizzie's masterlist

This story will end with chapter three, which will most likely come out the following Sunday (12th March)

Once again >> indicates incoming messages and <<; indicates outgoing messages.

Once again a big thank you to @notafunkiller and @es1dit for everything. Extra thanks to @notafunkiller for the beta-read and for helping me to improve the story. You two are the best!

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Every like, comment and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message me or send me a question or comment regarding the stories I write. I would love to talk about it and no, it would never bother me as long as it’s not a hate comment. They are never welcome.

Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.

Gifs belong to @fysebastianstan I wanted to add them through Tumblr gifs but couldn't find them that way. I hope it's alright to use them and if not, I can remove them if requested.

<<< Previous Chapter

After that magical night, Bucky found himself overthinking again. He was definitely struggling with the feelings he had for her. They were sexual, but that was not all. He had been in only sexual relationships before the war. It was like an agreement: purely sexual and for fun. Some girls wanted a bit more experience before finding the love of their lives, and it was totally fine, but this… this definitely wasn’t the same. He was feeling possessive over her and the feeling was so strange, especially considering they did not even meet face to face.

Of course, he knew he wasn’t the only person she was sharing this side of herself with. Posting adult content was literally her job. There was no doubt other men would like to get closer to her and she would probably talk to them a little, see how she feels and if things fall into place, they would get to see this side of her and she would get aroused just for them. A rare sight. Anybody would be lucky to witness that. 

He still couldn’t believe she was into him. It was probably more of the idea of him, not the real him since she didn’t know who he actually is, right? He knew his dick wasn’t a disappointment, his body was fine, but definitely could be better. There was always space for improvement. She did not see the metal arm or his face. She only heard his voice, saw some parts of his body, and created a different version of Bucky. Not even Bucky, James. Some 33-year-old dude named James who was partially good-looking. In her mind, he must be someone else, completely different from reality.

That was what she should be for him too, right? Some random super attractive girl on the internet who was willing to talk to him? Nothing more. Yet he couldn’t force himself to feel nothing but sexual attraction toward her. He tried to focus on work, but he couldn’t. Mission reports were always boring anyway. How were they supposed to distract him? 

>> Hey handsome, I hope you’re having a good day.

Her texting him doesn’t help, either. It’s just making it harder for him to stay away. He needed to distance himself, get a new perspective and maybe, maybe have a chance to realize he was being ridiculous. But she was so hard to resist her, especially when she was just wishing him a good day like this, with no expectation or pressure.

<< Hey, Bunny. It’s boring, but I’ll survive. I hope you are having a good day.

>> Oh, I’m having a great day. Especially after last night…

Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he read the message. He just wished she wouldn’t bring it up. It was great, he can’t deny it, but he knew… he fucking knew it was nothing special for her, and remembering that just broke his heart a little more. She shouldn’t have to act like it meant something to her. The idea of her faking something was just unbearable.

<< You know you don’t have to…

>> I don’t have to what?

<< I’m grateful that you made me feel special. It felt great, but I know I’m not special or anything and you don’t have to act like I am. It’s fine. 

Her responses came in so quickly, he had a bit of a hard time following them.

>> What the fuck, James?

>> What the actual fuck?

>> Do you think I am doing this with everyone?

>> Is that how low you think of me?

>> You think I open my messages, talk to the ones that seem okay, and send them special photos in my spare time?

>> Why would I fucking do that? What am I gaining? Loyal followers? More paying customers? People don’t wanna pay shit for things they can get for free. I know that better than anyone. It’s my job!

>> You think I pick the ones that are good-looking, and just have fun? If that were the case you wouldn’t even have a chance! Do you know why? You don’t even have a profile picture! I didn’t even know your name for days! I don’t even know if you are single or married or divorced!

>> If you think I’m treating loyal customers like this or something you are wrong. God, I feel so stupid because I thought you were different. Why would you be any different than the others? Just because you respected my boundaries, just because you didn’t ask for private photos, and just because you reminded me of those gentlemen from 40s movies, it doesn’t mean you are not after the same thing they are.

>> You have no idea what I am risking just by talking with you. God, I’m so stupid. 

>> You got what you want and now you are done with the small talk. I get it. I’m backing off. Sorry for disturbing you.

<< Bunny, bunny, bunny!

<< No, please, stop! That’s not what I meant.

<< Please, give me a chance to explain myself. 

<< Please.

<< That’s not what this was, believe me.

>> Explain what? How this is nothing special for you? It was just a bit of fun time with the girl you were following online? I don’t want to hear it.

>> You don’t have to explain anything to me. You don’t owe me an explanation, I’m just a random girl who shares adult content. Obviously, I have no soul or feelings. 

<< I’m the one who has feelings for you, okay?! I didn’t think you would find me interesting or special because I don’t feel like I am. 

<< I am sorry. I think I was just projecting. That’s what my therapist would say.

<< I just didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable with my feelings. I thought they would be totally unrequited.

>>  You have feelings for me?

>>  You better not be lying to get out of trouble, James! 

<< I’m not, I swear. Just give me a chance, okay?

>> Fine. You get one chance. Tonight. You explain yourself on a video call or I’m not talking to you anymore.

<< Whatever you want, doll. Whatever you want. Just don’t step out of my life. 

***

The day did not seem to pass fast enough. It felt like time was standing still just to torture Bucky more. The work was much more boring than usual: a lot of paperwork, signatures, and chasing the right people. Not that he was chasing anyone. He was sitting and pitying himself while waiting for Natasha to show up. He just wanted to get up and leave, but apparently, it wasn’t possible. When Natasha finally stepped inside, Bucky groaned out of frustration.

“Oh, fucking finally, Romanoff.”

Natasha didn’t even look at him.

“I was busy. What do you need?”

“A couple of signatures.” She leaned in and started to sign the papers as quickly as possible. She was never reading what she was signing because who had time to read a 25-page-long mission report? Apparently, Bucky Barnes because he had to write it from the scratch. Like his day wasn’t horrible enough... “I wish we could just go on missions, and that would be it.”

“Oh, that’s the dream, Barnes. That’s the dream.” She finally put her pen down. “I’ve been writing the mission reports for months. It’s your turn now, stop complaining.”

“I know, I know.” He accepted the defeat much easier than he normally would.

“Are you alright?”

Bucky looked up at her from his seat. Was he alright? Definitely not. He could feel a heavy knot inside his chest, burning his lungs and stomach while he was waiting for tonight. Of course, he wasn’t going to say that to Romanoff.

“I’m fine.”

“Doesn’t look like you are. Whatever it is, stop overthinking.”

“Easier said than done,” he murmured. 

“Look, I know it’s not an on-off switch, but you gotta try a little bit harder. Shift your focus on something else or just face whatever makes you this… uneasy.”

“I’m gonna face it. Shifting my focus is not helping.”

Natasha gave him a suspicious look. She had no idea what this was about, but she had a feeling it might be because of the pretty girl she suggested to him. Or was it just wishful thinking? No, wishful thinking wasn’t something she did often. She was always a big realist and something was definitely up with Barnes.

“Good.” She simply answered. She knew him well enough to guess pressuring him to talk wouldn’t work on him. “We have a meeting tomorrow.”

Bucky groaned in frustration because he was just done with the mission report and now SHIELD was ready to send them in another mission again.

“We need a break.”

“This one is pretty urgent. Apparently, it’s been an undercover operation for a while now and they finally got the info they need. We’ll need to leave right after the meeting.”

“An undercover operation, huh? Interesting.”

“Be here at 9. Fury wants us all present, it’s really important.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll be there.”

***

Bucky had no idea when the video call was gonna happen, but he was already feeling too self-conscious. His face was known to most people all over the world since he was accused of killing the king of Wakanda. Then working for SHIELD became a big deal. He wasn’t sure how Bunny would react when she realized he was the Winter Soldier. He wasn’t ready for that.

>> Are you there? I’m available for that video chat.

<< I am.

>> OK. I’m calling you.

He quickly turned his laptop on, hoping he would keep the camera off for the conversation. Maybe just hearing his voice would be enough for her.

“James?” Her voice was so soft and silky. Hearing her saying his name like that made him shiver a little.

“Yes, doll?”

“Why is your camera off?” Of course, she wasn’t gonna let it go. What was he even thinking?

“I am not…” He actually didn’t know what to say. “I don’t feel comfortable…”

“You don’t feel comfortable with me? Is that what you’re saying?” She definitely sounded offended.

“No, it’s not like that. I don't feel comfortable... and you might not feel comfortable either."

“Why?”

“It’s hard to explain.” He was hoping she would just let it go.

“Try me.” She didn’t.

“Please, doll… Let’s just talk.” He was practically begging at this point.

“Jamie, if you don’t turn the camera on, I’m leaving. We can’t continue like this.” She sounded so determined, it was scary. And her calling him Jamie? A part of him melted. He had noticed how her calling him Jamie influenced him in this way. Maybe because his mom called him Jamie when he was little. Bucky came later when he was a teenager. Before that, he was Jamie at home.

“Don’t. Please, don’t.”

“Don’t what? Call you Jamie?” The defensive tone of her voice was breaking his heart.

“Don’t leave.” He quickly turned the camera on, afraid she might just leave. Then he heard her gasp. Fuck, she’s scared, he thought. “I told you it might be uncomfortable.”

She quickly pulled herself together.

“Yeah, it’s so uncomfortable looking at that pretty face.” She managed to say, trying to hide her surprise. “Or those blue eyes. Do you ever look in the mirror Bu-bunny?”

“Bunny?” He repeated confused. “You are the bunny, not me, doll.” 

“If you say so.” She shrugged, licking her lips nervously. “I can’t believe you have been hiding this face all this time.” she tried to focus on him. “Why did you even think I would be uncomfortable?”

“Don’t you know… who I am?” he sounded nervous again, thinking he might have to explain his past. It’s always tedious. How can you say you were a brainwashed assassin in a less threatening way? You can’t. That was the problem. 

“I know you were the Winter Soldier if that’s what you are asking.” 

Oh.

“That explains the reaction.”

“No, it was because of your pretty face. Not because of your past. I’m in no position to judge you for your past. Whatever you did, you had no control over it. That’s pretty obvious.”

“How can you be so sure?” His question came instantly.

“Maybe I can tell you how and why one day, but not today.” She sounded a bit uncomfortable, so Bucky didn’t want to push her.

“Whenever you want, Bunny. I will always be here to listen.”

“Can I see your arm?” The change of topic came too suddenly. Her question caught Bucky off guard.

“Huh?” 

“Your metal arm. It’s vibranium, right?” She was talking about the arm he has been trying to hide so hard. Does she really want to see that arm? 

“Yes, it is.” He tried to sound as normal as possible.

“Can I see it?” She repeated eagerly.

Without saying anything, Bucky curled up his sleeve to reveal a part of his arm, still feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“Wow.” She looked stunned. “It looks… so pretty. The gold details. Wow.”

Her expression was something that can’t be faked. She was so genuinely surprised and interested. It gave Bucky the confidence he needed.

“Wanna see the rest?”

Bunny nodded excitedly, making Bucky smile. He took his henley off pretty quickly, and his metal arm, broad chest, and dog tags were on full display.

“Now I know why you only had one arm in every picture you sent me. Smart move, Sergeant Barnes.” Her eyes were still on his body, focusing on his arm. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he felt this desired. Oh, god she definitely knows who I am, he thought. Getting called by his rank did things to him. He could feel the blood rushing to the other places. It’s not the time, it’s not the time, he tried to remind himself, yet a low groan escaped his lips before he could control it.

“So am I gonna see the rest, Sergeant?”

He gave her a confused look. When he asked that question he meant the rest of his arm, but apparently Bunny had different ideas. 

“You mean…”

“The rest of your body, yes.”

“I thought we were gonna talk.” He tried to hide how much he was actually enjoying this change.

“We were, but I changed my mind.” Bucky smiled once again. Maybe I still got it, he thought.

“Because of the arm?”

“Because of you and yes, the arm too since it’s a part of you.” 

“I never thought…” He couldn’t get to finish that thought.

“Your arm would be a turn-on? Well, it is. You should get used to that.”

“That’s gonna take a while,” Bucky admitted, then he looked back at the screen. “You gotta share more to see more, Bunny.”

“You are a fast learner, Sergeant. I like that.”

“I told you, you can always count on that.”

Bunny took her shirt off, instead of answering him. Bucky’s expression changed pretty quickly when he noticed she had no bra on. God, he needed to touch her, feel her and make her feel good, but he has no idea if that was even possible. His eyes focused on her nipples. How could they look this delicious over a video call? He wanted to latch on them, suck until she was a crying mess under him. 

“You okay, Sarge?”

“God, Bunny, if you call me Sarge or Sergeant one more time, I will come inside my pants.”

“Noted,” she said with a teasing voice. “We wouldn’t want that, would we? I wanna see you first. Then we can make that happen.”

“I wanna see you, too. Coming hard while I tell you dirty things that turn you on.”

“Wow, the old man has a dirty mouth. Who would’ve thought?”

“Are you teasing me?” He asked with a small smile on his lips.

“I am challenging you.” Bucky gave her a suspicious look.

“To do what?”

“To talk dirty for real, James. You are ‘all talk and no action’ sometimes.”

“Oh, is that what we are doing now?” He already sounded challenged by her words. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t like a gentleman.”

“I do like a gentleman, outside the bed. In the bed, they are boring.”

“Okay, okay.” He nodded, trying to decide what to do next. “Good to know. Now, take your clothes off. I wanna see that body.” 

“Is that an order, Sarge?”

“Yes, it is, Bunny.”

“And what if I don’t follow it?” Her voice was so fucking cute, Bucky did not know how she managed to be like this. 

“Then you will be punished accordingly.” He didn’t even think before answering.

“Over the phone?”

“No. I will punish you in person. I will find wherever you live and I will punish you for not following a clear order.” The words spilled out of his mouth without much thought. The second he was done, he realized what he said. God, if she had got scared, she would have had every right to do so.

“That sounds more like a promise.” Her answer was unexpected and didn’t seem wary. Was she not scared of him? At all?

“It can be, but you wouldn’t wanna get punished.” 

“Hmm…” She thought for a second. “Tell me, what do you want? A good girl or a bad one?”

“I want you, Bunny. Whichever you are.” His answer must be unexpected because Bunny’s expression changed for a second. She looked emotional and vulnerable, but she quickly pulled herself together.

“I am a little bit of both.” 

“Then both it is.”

Bunny quickly took her remaining clothes off instead of responding, giving him a look. “Your turn.”

Bucky did the same.

“Now what do you want me to do?” She asked eagerly.

“Touch yourself for me.” She could feel how aroused he was just by hearing his voice. The full view of his erection was helping, too. 

“Touch yourself first.” She sounded so demanding and Bucky couldn’t find the strength to refuse. His flesh hand wrapped around his already painful erection. “With the metal one, Sarge.”

Bucky quickly looked back at her, with confusion written all over his face.

“I promise, I am not a groupie or anything. I just think it would look so hot.”

“A groupie?”

“Google it if you don’t know what it means. I am not gonna embarrass myself by explaining.” Bucky laughed a little.

“I know what it means, Bunny. I just wasn’t sure why I would think you're a groupie.”

“Oh…” She looked at the camera for a second. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” He was completely lost.

“That you have fans.”

The look he had was unforgettable: completely lost.

“I have fans?” He repeated mindlessly.

“Nobody told you that, huh?”

“Nope. I have fans?”

“You do.” Bunny giggled. He was really an adorable old man. “People who defend you online. I will explain more later, okay?”

“Okay.” He still sounded confused, but he let it go. The sight in front of him was more interesting than a group of people defending him. 

“Metal hand, around your cock.” She reminded him.

“Right.” She watched him wrap his vibranium fingers around his erection. It was truly a sight.

“Now, your turn.” 

“What do you want me to do?” She quickly asked.

“Do you have a dildo around?”

Bunny was silent for a second. “Yes?” Her tone was hesitant.

“Do you have a favorite?”

She tried not to smile. “Of course.”

“Take that one.” He sounded so confident. It was a huge turn-on. 

“Wait a second.” She left the frame for a while, and Bucky could hear her walking around, looking through her stuff. Finally, she came back with it. 

“You like it big,” Bucky stated after seeing the dildo. It was probably as big as his own dick. No wonder she was so into the pictures he sent.

“Is that a problem?” Her question was genuine. “I can get a smaller one.”

“Why would I want that?” He had no idea. “I want you to enjoy this. That’s why I asked for your favorite.”

Bunny’s concern vanished quickly.

“Now what, Sarge?”

“Now we both start to play with ourselves.”

“Sounds good.” Bucky watched her brushing her fingers against her clit while letting out delicious, low moans. It was nothing too pornographic, and he could feel more blood rushing to his lower side. He started to work on himself pretty slowly with his vibranium hand since it was new to him. He never used his metal fingers before so he was trying to be careful. 

“Use lube.”

“Huh?” Bucky looked like a fish out of water.

“Use lube, it will make it better.” Her fingers were still working on her clit and lips as she spoke. “Or whatever you have. A cream works too, I guess.” 

“I have lube, doll. How do you think my dick survived you for this long?”

She giggled again, and all Bucky wanted to do was kiss her hard. Her lips, her nipples, her wet pussy. Anything… he just needed to taste her. 

“You don’t even need lube, do you?” he asked, trying to distract himself.

“Nope.” She moved her finger away from her pussy, just to show him how wet she is, and the response she got was a loud moan.

“Fuck.” He took a deep breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” It was such a raw reaction, and Bunny loved every second of it. “All for me?” 

“All for you, Sarge.”

His fingers started to work faster, and thanks to the lube, it was much better than he expected. He was surprised at how the metal felt against his cock. Definitely didn’t feel like flesh, but it was good. Really good since he could actually move his metal hand faster.

“Can I put this in me?” She asked Bucky for permission to finally use the dildo, and god, he had to stop for a second, not to come instantly. 

“Yes. Yes, you can.” He breathed out, struggling to form sentences at this point, but he managed it.

She pushed the dildo inside her effortlessly and let out a loud moan as she moved it in further. Bucky took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. There is no way you are not gonna come before her. He was talking to himself. Just calm down. 

"Ride that dildo, Bunny. Imagine it's me."

“You want this to be over soon, huh?” Her teasing tone helped him relax. He liked that he wasn’t alone in this.

“You gotta meet me in the middle, Bunny. Otherwise, it’s gonna be embarrassing.”

She didn’t tease or challenge him this time. She just listened to his order and started to ride the dildo as she would ride him. Her movements, the noises she made… She was making things even harder. He felt like he lost control of his fingers. He wanted to slow down, try to come with her, but his metal hand wasn’t listening to him.

“F-fuck.” He breathed out. “I’m- I’m gonna come.” He sounded so pained like he was disappointing her.

“I’m gonna come, too.” Her response was quick. “Sstop holding yourself back.” She was panting, involuntarily showing him how close she actually was.

“Shit. Pinch your nipple for me if you like that.” His metal hand was moving fast on his cock, it was oozing with precum already. 

“I do.” She was out of breath already. “I do.” Pinching her nipple was enough to push her over the edge. “Oh, fuck…” When the first wave of her orgasm hit her, he could see how strong it was. “Fuck, Bucky…” The moment she said his name, he knew he was gone. There was no way he could hold back. “This feels so good. So fucking good.”

“God, Bunny.” He let out a loud moan as his come hit the laptop screen. He gasped as he continued to move his hand until he felt painfully overstimulated.

He had no idea how long the silence between them lasted.

“James?” He heard her silky voice before opening his eyes back up.

“I’m here, Bunny.” She smiled in response. She could see he was still there, but she wasn’t gonna say that.

“That was amazing.” Bunny looked so blissed out.

“Tell me about it.” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe how strong that orgasm was.

He heard Bunny taking another deep breath while looking back at him.

“Look, I know this is not the time…” Bunny sounded more serious than before. The tone got his attention back to her. 

“Tell me.” He suddenly sounded so demanding.

“The timing is horrible.” 

“I don’t care.” He smiled, trying to assure her.

“I won’t be around for a while.” His face dropped when he heard her words. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you tonight. I won’t be online or posting new content.”

"Is something wrong?" He sounded so worried, so panicked. As crazy as it might have been, he didn't want to lose her, especially after this.

“No, no, no.” She quickly assured him. “It's something I have to do. I was working on something for a long time and now it might come to an end. Which is a good thing since that's what I was trying to achieve. I just need to deal with it, then I will be back and I'll explain everything, okay?” Bucky nodded. “Just know that I'll be busy, but I'll come back, okay? No need to worry about me.”

“I will always worry about you.” That was the truth. Even if he knew she was fine, not hearing from her would worry him. “Thank you for telling me.”

***

The next morning, Bucky woke up feeling much better than he ever felt since he was a free man. Last night, things exceeded his expectations. He noticed how much he was overthinking everything, how he never thought she'd be so okay with who he was. He never thought she would be still attracted to him after seeing him. He wasn’t delusional enough to think he had an ugly face. The problem was the things that face was associated with and, yes, he was still convinced she was way out of his league. But she didn’t seem to care, and that was all that mattered to him. 

He quickly got ready. His morning routine was simple, so he could just leave in half an hour: a quick shower, a simple breakfast, and putting on appropriate clothes were enough. After he was done with the essentials, he found a bit of time to send Bunny a good morning message. She might not be able to respond, since she told him she was gonna be busy these days, but he still felt like doing it. And after last night, he had no intention to refrain from following his wishes. Not anymore.

But when he opened the app, he was simply shocked, horrified even… Because Bunny was gone. Completely gone. Her account was deactivated, and only their old messages were still there.

The panic scattered throughout his body like rapid fire, spreading from his chest and burning everything on its path. He had no idea what to do. He didn't have her number or any social media accounts if she had any. He didn’t even know where she lived. Yes, sure, Bunny told him she was going to be away for a while and wouldn't be able to share anything, but deleting her whole account? That was completely unexpected and alarming. He rubbed his face with both of his hands, trying to figure out a way to make sure she was fine.

Slowly, the overthinking returned and took complete control of him. What if she just played it cool yesterday but wanted to vanish after learning who he actually was? The Winter Soldier was a terrifying figure, he would have not blamed her if that had been the case, yet he would have felt betrayed and disappointed. He tried to think of a moment or a small detail that showed she was just trying to act her way out of a dangerous situation, but nothing came to his mind. She was surprised, of course, but after that initial shock, she was back to her normal self. She even wanted to see him more intimately. Was it because she didn’t feel safe anymore? Could she possibly act so flawlessly and show no fear while trying to get away? A part of him didn't believe that couldn’t be true. She was one of the most authentic people he met, even though they did not actually meet in person. That was why he was pulled towards her this much. Another part of him thought this is basically her job. She had to look convincing enough, but looking and acting were completely two different things, and Bucky wasn’t sure of anything anymore. He was so focused on trying to find a logical explanation for everything that he almost didn't hear his phone ring. 

When Bucky grabbed back his phone, he saw the name Sam Wilson on the screen. He didn’t feel like answering, but Sam was stubborn as usual. He called him back again in a second, and Bucky had no choice but to answer at the end.

“Hey, Buck. You ready buddy? I’m on my way and I can give you a lift.”

Bucky made an unintelligible sound, not knowing how to answer. He already forgot about the meeting and the time.

“Please, tell me you are ready. The meeting is in half an hour.”

“I am.” He finally managed to say something back. His own voice sounded robotic and the words were forced, but he had to go through this day to find a way to reach Bunny. Maybe he could ask for Fury’s help to locate her. It would take a lot of convincing, but he would do it for her. To make sure she was safe and sound. To do that, he had to go to this briefing. 

“Okay, I’ll be there in 5.”

***

As Bucky and Sam finally arrived at the SHIELD headquarters, Bucky muttered a simple thank you. They didn't talk much during the ride, which wasn’t unusual, yet Sam suspected something was wrong. Bucky was usually calm and collected. He wouldn't engage in small talk or chat about random topics, but this time he seemed nervous. Sam wanted to ask what was wrong, but after all the time they spent together, he knew it was better to just wait for a sign. That was always more effective. Bucky would recoil into his shell like a freaking turtle if you made a move too soon, and that was the last thing they needed.

As for Bucky, he couldn't stop wondering about all the possibilities in the world and what he should do next. He would have to talk to Fury privately, ask for help, and get out of this mission. After that, he would go on whatever mission they decided to throw his way. No problem. None at all. Just let me be sure she is fine.

While still thinking about the plan in his mind, Bucky found an empty spot in the meeting room and sank down. He was checking his phone regularly to see if there was anything from Bunny or if maybe her profile would be back up, but no. There was nothing at all, and his worry was growing every second. He had no idea how he was supposed to go through this meeting at all.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to end one of the biggest undercover operations in the history of SHIELD.” Fury’s voice got the attention of everyone in the room. “We are going to hit HYDRA where it hurts the most. Innocents will be saved by cutting HYDRA’s biggest financial income. It doesn't get any better than this.” Fury talking about HYDRA got Bucky out of his own head for a second. “This operation has been going on for quite some time and there’s no one better than Agent Elvisa to explain the details before we get to action.” Fury turned his eyes to the side, moving his hand up to introduce the mysterious agent. What Bucky didn't expect was to see Bunny, in flesh and blood, right in front of him. She was wearing a generic SHIELD uniform, her hair neatly tied up in a ponytail, looking composed.

“Thank you, Director Fury.” Hearing her silky voice made Bucky realize he wasn’t dreaming. His eyes widened when he realized he was really standing there, looking perfect in that ugly outfit. He could feel a hole forming in his stomach while Agent Elvisa started to explain the details. She was actively trying to avoid meeting his eyes while talking, showing some statistics and the essential, but Bucky couldn’t hear anything. His ears were ringing.

Since Bunny kept avoiding the eye contact with him, Bucky’s glance turned over to Natasha. She was the one who suggested her, after all. Did she know about this? The woman who he thought was a complete stranger was actually a SHIELD agent. There was no way Natasha did not know this. Was this all an elaborate prank? Maybe orchestrated by Natasha. That would make perfect sense.

Bucky understood that HYDRA was making a lot of money from their human trafficking network, and SHIELD was about to destroy it. He would have loved to focus more on the details since this would have been a personal case for him in another context. He was one of their victims after all. Yet his palms were sweating as he thought about confronting her. Even when he tried hard to understand, his brain didn’t compute any of the information she was giving. It was too loud, too uncomfortable. He felt thirsty and nauseous at the same time.

After the meeting was over, Bucky jolted out of his seat to catch her. He needed a second to talk to her, privately, to understand what the fuck was going on. He thought he deserved that much explanation before going on another mission after everything that happened between them. 

She was talking to someone, but Bucky didn’t pay attention to their conversation. He stopped right next to her, invading all of her personal space without considering how it might look from the outside.

“We need to talk.” His voice was so harsh, it made her flinch. She looked up and met his eyes for the first time, and he could clearly see she was uncomfortable. 

“She was…” The man she was talking to tried to interject, but Bucky was having none of it.

“I’m talking to Agent Elvisa.” God, the way he said her name was stone-cold. It sounded like he wanted to spit her name out. He subtly grabbed her arm. “We need to talk. Right now.”

***

Bucky’s hand didn’t leave her arm until they were tucked inside the closest empty office. He was trying to control himself, but it was so hard when a million questions were running through his head. Yet, he managed to choose one to ask.

“Why?” His eyes were like two daggers.

“Why what?” She managed to say back, a little terrified.

“Why did you do this to me?” The way Bucky asked the question broke her heart. She could hear the disappointment, the pain and betrayal in his voice. “I just need to know why you did this to me.”

“What are you talking about? What did I do to you?” She looked completely clueless, and it hurt Bucky even more. “Look I know…” She tried to explain, but he didn’t let her.

“Was this a joke? Did Natasha put you up to this?” He talked so fast and harshly. “Or was this a bet between co-workers?” She was silent. Completely silent. Trying to understand what he was talking about.

“You think I played with you?” She asked the question like she couldn’t believe him. 

“Didn’t you, Agent Elvisa?” Again, her code name sounded so harsh on his lips. She wasn’t Bunny anymore.

“Playing with you was never my intention.”

“But you did it anyway.” God, he sounded so broken, on the verge of a breakdown.

“I didn’t even know I was talking to you until last night, Bucky.” She was getting emotional, but Bucky wasn’t in the state to notice it. “I could never…”

“You could never what? Make a fool of me? Break my heart? What did you think would happen when you decided to show up and give a presentation in that freaking room?” He raised his hand to point toward the general direction of the meeting room.

“I didn’t know you would be here!” She finally snapped and started to yell back. “I didn’t know I was talking to you until last night! Did you even listen to me back there?”

Bucky looked all lost, trying to understand why that would matter right now.

“I was on an undercover mission all this time. It had nothing to do with you! You think I made a fake account and started creating content just to mess with you? Why would I do that?”

“I… I don’t know.” He didn’t know anything. All he came up with was a list of possibilities.

“I have been doing this for months! I’m trying to catch those bastards, trying to look convincing enough and make them pay for what they did!” She stopped for a second, trying to collect herself. She didn’t want to cry. Not right then. “You think you are so important that I would create a whole ass account instead of just coming and asking you out?”

Her question silenced him for a second, making him wonder what the last sentence meant.

“What did you just say?” 

Right at that moment, someone knocked on the door and stuck their head inside.

“Sergeant Barnes, we have to leave in 10 minutes.”

He didn’t even look their way. “I’m in the middle of something!” It was so harsh yet attractive.

“I know, but Director Fury…”

“Just tell him I need 5 more minutes.” The determination in his tone shook the agent and he left without saying anything in return. As soon as Bucky heard the door close, he repeated his question.

“What did you just say?”

“I don’t know what kind of sick game is going on, but I’m assuming you know I have a crush on you. Maybe Nat told you. I.. don’t know, but I would never do something like this. Not to you, not to anyone. I’d just ask you out and get rejected with pride.”

“You had a crush on me?” He couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“You… didn’t know?”

“No.” They both looked so confused.

“I assumed that you did.” She awkwardly looked around.

“Nope.”

The door was opened without a knock this time and both of them turned their heads simultaneously.

“Buck-” Sam couldn’t even finish his sentence. The double death glare startled him.

“For god's sake! I just need 5 minutes of privacy before I go there and fight. Is that too much to ask?” 

“Okay, man, calm down. I’ll tell Fury.” He quickly looked at Bunny and then at Bucky before closing the door behind him. Both Bucky and Bunny turned their eyes to each other.

“Okay, look… I didn’t play with you.” She started to explain. “No one put me up on a mission to mess with you. I don’t know if this is a twisted game of fate or something else, but I didn’t know you would be involved in this operation, okay?”

“It’s Romanoff’s doing.” He finally put two plus two together, and she nodded slowly. It made sense to her, too. Then they heard Fury talking outside, and they knew that the time was running out.

“We don’t have time for this.” She stated while running her hand through her hair. “Just know that I was going to explain everything after the operation. That’s why I said what I said yesterday.”

Before he could answer her, the door opened once again. No knocking, no hesitation. Bucky was about to yell at them not to interrupt once again, but Fury was standing on the door sill, looking uneasy.

“Barnes, we have no time for…” His eyes darted between both of them. “...whatever this is. We have to leave before it’s too late.”

“Fine.” He finally responded after a short while. “I’m coming, but this conversation is not over, Agent Elvisa.”

“I’ll be waiting, Sergeant Barnes.”

Next Chapter >>>

***

taglist (I tried to tag everyone who showed interest in chapter two. If you would rather not be included please let me know.)

@geminiflanagansblog @sadg1rlsei @lia-winther @nanikio @barnesboo1967 @chinaza444 @kaitlin013106 @ryanmxrie @steverogers-wife @weaselbeedisneygeek @tilltheendofthelinepal9950 @happyxdayxbitch @marvelogic @wintasssoldier @buckybarnessimpp @marvelsbitchh @alright-i-guesss @almosttoopizza @rabbitrabbit12321 @cookielovesbook-akie  @whalien52bbgrl @cjand10 @scifinerd1818 @dellalyra @capswife @netherqueen23 @beware-my-thorns @freegardenbanananeck @iamstevessmile @raven1234321 @divadinag @noisesinthedark @amanda-says @ozwriterchick @sleyeveryday @arsonfrogger @lfaewrites @alana4610 @amberpanda99 @splendidreads @acatwriteshere

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #marvel x reader #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x yn #bucky x female yn #winter soldier #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x you #my stories #unconventional methods

[tayrcse]

if you ask me to

✎ summary: You would do anything he asked you to. He would do the same for her.

✎ warnings: angst, unrequited love

✎ characters: JJ Maybank, Sarah Cameron, Kiara Carrera

✎ pairings: JJ Maybank x Reader

✎ tags: @rafedrewandjjs @theouterbanksofsnow @redhead1180

Saw you at the party, but you wouldn't say a single thing

You smiled for a moment, then she kissed your cheek, that's such a shame

'Cause I know that she can't love you quite like I could

You couldn’t help but look for JJ as soon as you arrived at the bonfire with Sarah. It would be your first time seeing him since you heard he started dating Kiara Carrera. It wasn’t long before you caught sight of his blonde head of hair. He was wearing a plain t-shirt and shorts, but you don’t think he’s ever looked this handsome. JJ caught your eye, smiling for a moment before Kiara appeared, kissing him on the cheek as a greeting.

‘What a shame,’ you think, sighing. You knew you could love him better than she ever could, even if you never got the chance to prove it.

So I'll leave your text on read, and hope you're overthinkin' everything

Saw me by myself, you said “hello” and asked if I was good

She walked up out of nowhere, damn, I almost said that I love you

Now you're headed to her house to watch that movie you both like

While I'm up and losin' sleep, what do I do if it's not me you choose?

You were surprised to hear you phone ding as you walked away from JJ and Kiara. It was a text from JJ.

JJ: You look great :)

You leave it on read, secretly hoping that it would bother him and maybe cause him to overthink about you as much as you do about him.

An hour later, you had wandered off on your own, finding an area of the beach that wasn’t filled with drunk teenagers.

You hear him before you see him. “Hey, are you okay?”

Before you could answer, Kiara was there. “Babe, you ready to go? We can go to my place and see what’s on Netflix.”

You glance at JJ before walking away from the both of them. You don’t know whether you’re grateful or sad that Kiara showed up. One more second alone with him and you would have let it slip that you’re in love with him.

But God, she's so pretty, and funny, and witty

I don't think that I stand a chance

And she's so fuckin' lucky 'cause all I've been wanting

Is you to be holding my hand

But it feels like forever, from minutes to seconds

To hours, been waiting for you

But she loves you too, I guess it's too soon

But I'd come running if you asked me to

You couldn’t even blame JJ for being with her. Kiara was gorgeous, funny, and challenged him in every way. You should have known you didn’t stand a chance. She already had everything that you didn’t. Now, she has the person you want most too. You waited so long for JJ to finally tell you he loved you back. But, you suppose Kiara loves him too, and maybe it was still too soon for him to tell you what you desperately wanted to hear. Even now, you would drop everything and come running if he asked you to.

Had you to myself, but then you left and didn't even care

Didn't give a second thought 'cause you know that I'd still be here

If you always thought about her, did you have to waste my time?

So if blue was never love then all this time, have I been color-blind?

It wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, JJ was yours. Well, almost. He was your best friend. He was as close to yours as he would get. And then he found her, and he was no longer yours at all.

‘Did I imagine all those intimate moments? Those flirty looks and soft touches, were they all made up? Had it always been her? Did he just waste my time?’ You can’t help but question your entire relationship. You had thought that what you and JJ had was love. Now, you can’t help but wonder if you had just been blinded by your own love for him.

But God, she's so perfect, no flaws on the surface

I don't think that I stand a chance

And she's so fuckin' lucky 'cause all I've been wanting

Is you to be holding my hand

It feels like forever, from minutes to seconds

To hours, been waiting for you

But she loves you too, I guess it's too soon

But I'd come running if you asked me to

Kiara Carrera was perfect, flawless almost. You realize now that you never stood a chance. All you had wanted for years was for JJ to hold you the way he’s holding her now. You waited for him for years. You loved him for years. But she loves him too, and it was too late for you. But, still, you’d come running to him if he asked you to.

#Spotify #outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x reader #tayrcse

[whatdoidosatoru]

Sleeping In

PART 3 of The Only Exception

- part 1 - part 2 - part 4 - ao3

pairing: Keisuke Baji x OC (reader)

wc: 4.6k

tags: smut, fluff, no use of y/n, some back story (talk of cheating etc..), oral sex (m and f receiving), this chapter is actually pretty mild, sorry :)

summary: after another night of shenanigans with Keisuke, he cleared his schedule to spend a day with me

music:

Absolutely (Story About a Girl) - Nine Days

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

Coffee at Midnight - Stand Atlantic

Always - Panic! At The Disco

Church - Fall Out Boy

Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco

Memories Of A Broken Heart - Crown The Empire

Sleeping In - All Time Low

Always - blink-182

MDNI! 18+ ONLY!

I rolled over after what seemed to be a very short nap to find Keisuke with a very focused face holding a book from beside my bed.

“Everything okay?” I seemed to have snapped him out of his focus.

“Oh, yeah, this is just a bit weird."

I chuckled, “Yeah, it’s quite different. One of the main themes is reinvention of oneself and writing one’s own story. Meaning, in storytelling, you can reshape your life and constantly move from one self to the other and so on. If you want, you can borrow it, I’ve read it twice already.” He put the book away and slid back down to meet me for a kiss. 

“Maybe later, I like the person I am with you now.” He pushed my hair out of my face.

“Uhh so,” I started, clearing my throat, “What was that ‘all mine’ business?”

His face turned serious, “Did you not like it? I’m sorry if it was too much…”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I quickly stopped him, “I was just wondering what that meant to you.”

“I thought it seemed kind of obvious?”

“Let’s pretend it’s not and I’d like you to clarify.”

With a sharp inhale I stared at his face. I couldn’t say I hadn’t thought about it. There’s a certain satisfaction in fantasising about a relationship with a person you’ve only seen in a public space once and couldn’t forget their face. But this was different, he was really here, physically and emotionally, asking me to trust him and let him in.

He sat up and I followed, both completely naked and vulnerable.

"I want to be with you. I want you to be mine and nobody else’s. I really like you, to the point that I don’t know how I survived those 28 hours between leaving and seeing you again, having the confirmation that I was just overthinking things. I want to be the only person to do these things with you. I want to take you out on dates and then come back home with you and hold you until we fall asleep,” he shook his head, breaking eye contact, “and now that I said all this I really hope you feel somewhat the same because if you don’t I might just lose my mind.”

 All I could hear was a faraway voice in my head, repeating a mantra that had kept me from living my life the way I was supposed to.

You’re so obsessed with me and naive, no wonder I could sneak around and bed a different girl every night and still come back to you to take me in. Are you so stupid that you can’t see that we have been over for months now? I just kept you around so your cunt can be useful to me.

Keisuke sighed, reaching to touch my face. “Then I guess I’ll have to try harder to get to know you,” he said with a smile, “I’m not giving up on you, Yuna. I know we’re going to be good together, I can just feel it in my bones. Whatever I can do to help you see it, I’ll do it.”

“Keisuke…” his eyes locked onto mine.

“...I’m not sure you thought this through enough. You don’t really know me, you don’t know what a mess my head is in. I want to say yes and it felt right saying I was yours, but I’m afraid we’d rush into it and ruin everything.”

“Can we just watch something first?” I asked.

“Can you be naked while we watch?” His mouth showed a devilish grin.

“Pervert.” I playfully smacked his shoulder, then leaned over to kiss his soft lips, digging my hand into his hair, now in a very loose ponytail. He bit my lower lip, took out the hair bobble, and shook his hair out. I got up to position my laptop on the desk so we could see the screen and put on one of my favourite series.

~ 

When I got back to bed, Keisuke wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head,

“I’m still going to call you mine until you tell me to fuck off.” I didn’t think that could ever be an option.

Mai Darling, 21:33

i’m going to sleep, getting up early to finish my research paper so you can get spicy wherever

just please don’t do it in the kitchen

i don’t want your sex particles in my food

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

good night my darling i hope we dont wake you later <3

Mai Darling, 21:34

you’d better not or i’ll rip your boyfriend’s dick off :D

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

:’(

Mai Darling, 21:35

thought so, good night and stay safe lovebirds <3

Huh. Boyfriend.

Something about the notion felt safe and comforting. But that was just a recipe to get hurt again. Especially after last time…

~

“I’ll be out late, don’t wait up,” the voice on the other end of the line said. My heart sank, this had been happening for months now, we never saw each other, apart from him sneaking through my window in the dead of night, waking me up for a quick fuck and then passing out, disappearing before I woke up. Whenever I wanted to bring up the fact that we didn’t spend time together anymore, that I was losing interest in him because we didn’t even talk, he’d wave it off. “I told you I was busy, what more do you want from me?” 

Mai had told me to break it off with him, he wasn’t worth crying over, he didn’t care about me, and I’d find someone who would actually make an effort with me. “Don’t be dumb, Yuna, he’s a little weasel. He’s always seemed a little bit off to me, and you can’t even deny it! You only started liking him because it felt good being with a bad boy at the time. Who knows what he’s actually doing,” Mai would warn me to break things off with him on a daily basis, but I didn’t want to give up on him. I believed I could get him back to how he was before he started to pull away from me. Nobody prepared me for what I’d actually see when I decided to follow him out that night. 

~

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I rolled over and saw Keisuke, already awake, smiling at me from the other side of the bed.

“Mmmmornn.” I definitely couldn’t be accused of being a morning person.

Keisuke chuckled, “I don’t think I know that language, but I’m going to assume you need a couple more minutes of quiet to wake up.” He pulled me closer into his chest so I took a deep breath and inhaled his scent. 

I opened one eye as if to sneakily look at him. I couldn’t get enough of him. I could smell him, but I needed to see him, touch him, taste him. Quickly forming a thought in my mind, I managed to wake myself up for my hand to start venturing lower along his body. He quickly caught on and gave me a naughty smile,

“I take it you’re awake now, hmm?” I replied with a kiss, my hand reaching its destination and making him moan into my mouth. 

My hand wrapped around his cock and started slowly pumping it. As I did that, his hips started rolling into me. His moans turned into groans and soft grunts so I decided to switch my approach. Lowering myself to his crotch, his eyes turned hungrier, his noises needier. I took his length into my mouth, eliciting a long moan from his perfectly soft lips. His hips started thrusting upwards, but only slightly, like he couldn’t help himself.

I moaned at the taste of him, sending him into another long moan from the vibrations on his sensitive tip. I bobbed my head up and down, licking along the shaft and wetting it with my spit. His hands were gripping the sheets and his eyes were squeezed shut, taking in all of the sensations. While one of my hands was on the length of his shaft I couldn’t fit into my mouth, I brought the other to my clit, slowly rubbing circles around it and using the sensation to moan around Keisuke’s cock.

He moved one of his hands behind his head and the other to grab my hair into a makeshift ponytail. I looked up and locked eyes with him.

“You look so pretty with-ah fuck-your lips around my cock I could watch you-ah-suck me forever.” He noticed where my other hand was. “Ah, I see. You enjoying yourself?” He smirked with amusement, gripping my hair tighter and pushing me to take more of him in while I sucked in my cheeks to squeeze him tighter. Now he set the pace and very soon he started moaning louder. I rubbed myself quicker now, incredibly turned on by his using my mouth how he wanted.

“Can I come into your mouth?” I could barely hear him through his panting and I had no way of replying as he was still fucking my face so I removed the hand from my clit and gave him a thumbs-up. He laughed, but quickly returned to moaning and cursing under his breath.

“Fuck your mouth is incredible I could do this all day. Good girl you’re taking me so well. Are you ready? Fuck I can’t hold on any longer-” With another tug of my hair and a loud moan he spilt down my throat and my fingers slowed down, not quite willing to stop. I flipped over onto my back and looked up at him, showing him my empty mouth. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss then dragged me back up and kissed down my front to get to where my fingers were teasing my pussy. 

Flashing his canines he went straight in to devour my needy clit and puffy lips. I let out a cry as he pushed two fingers inside of me, immediately hooking them upwards to make me arch my back in pleasure. He removed his tongue only to instruct me to grip his hair, to which I obliged right away, desperate for more friction.

As he licked lazy circles around my sensitive clit I pulled him in closer, kind of afraid he might suffocate, but he just attacked with more fervour, making me moan even louder than before,

“Yes-ah-Keisuke please I’m almost there,” I needed him so terribly and he chuckled, sending vibrations to my core, almost finishing me. 

“Cum on my tongue, pretty girl, I want to taste how good I made you feel.”

That sentence alone sent a wave of pleasure over me, I arched my back and cried out his name while he was slowing down to ease me down to earth. Once again, he wiped his face and licked my slick off, savouring every drop of me before helping me up and embracing me into a tight hug. I was enveloped in his scent, sweetness with a hint of citrus, and it felt like all my stress and overthinking just melted away.

He pulled away after a kiss on my forehead, grinned, and went to put his clothes on.

“I’m guessing you don’t have classes today?” I went to look for something to wear in my wardrobe.

“No, I have Mondays off from university and work, you?” Now that he was, sadly, dressed, he peered out of the bedroom to check if Mai was still home.

“I already messaged work I’m not coming in today.”

With that I stopped in my tracks. Was this because of me? Am I preventing him from going? Wait, does he want to stay in with me?

“Oh how come?” Somehow I managed to sound cool, calm, and collected…I hoped.

“If I hadn’t, I’d have to leave you in bed around seven to get home and get my things to make it. I’d decided I’d much rather spend time with you, if that’s okay with you, of course.” My heart skipped. I felt the biggest grin forming on my face and his face lighting up when he saw it.

“Of course, um, it’s my turn to cook today so I’ll need to pop into the shop to get a couple of things and Mai will be home around 2 and out by 3. Do you want to give me a hand cooking? You don’t have to, of course, but if you want to that would be cool. Also I have to let her know you’ll be with us, do you have any allergies or something you don’t like to eat?” I felt myself rambling and holy fuck I needed to shut up, but he was still grinning at me as if he’d love nothing more than listen to me ramble. 

“You’re so cute. I eat everything and I’ll definitely help and give it my best to not burn down the building.” He made his way to the bathroom and I followed, my hair was in dire need of brushing.

~

Yunaaaaasty, 10:12

my darling keeper of my very own sanity, for lunch we’re making you your favourite <3

Mai Darling, 10:13

My lady, whomstever doth thou meansth whensth thou saysth we?

Yunaaaaasty, 10:14

you’re giving me an aneurysm 

keisuke is staying here for a bit :| hope thats okay with you pls dont be mad mai

Mai Darling, 10:14

as long as my peppers are done and you haven’t fucked in the kitchen i’m fine 

he really likes spending time in our flat huh

don’t take it the wrong way i really don’t mind, i’m just…noticing things

Yunaaaaasty, 10:16

noticing things, my queen?

Mai Darling, 10:16

don’t you worry your pretty little head with that ;) you have enough worries in there for all of us

i’m just saying he’s trying to spend time with you i think that’s cute

continue with my lunch now, servants!

Yunaaaaasty, 10:17

certainly, your highness *bows, scrapes ground with head, disintegrates into ground*

~

On our way to the shop, I noticed Keisuke battling with himself whether or not reach for my hand so I made it easier for him by entangling our fingers and smiling at him. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, as if shocked by my action, and continued with a slight stammer.

On the way back he decided to take my hand himself, but he was reduced to giggles when I used his hand to drag him closer to me and kiss his cheek. It felt good being out with him, being seen and not hidden like some kind of a shameful secret. Maybe it wouldn’t be catastrophic, being with Keisuke. 

“Have I told you how pretty you are?” I interrupted his thoughts, he snapped his head towards me and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times as if unsure how to start.

“I…I mean you said something like that when we met, but uhhh where’s this coming from?”

“I was just thinking out loud. I like being seen with you. Like this,” I lifted our hands, fingers threaded together, “and not feeling like you’re ashamed of me or whatever.”

“What? Has this happened to you before? Because if someone was ashamed to be seen with you, then they’re a moron of epic proportions.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss, “If we were together, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I’d become so insufferable that everybody would roll their eyes whenever I mention you.” He was so ecstatic about it that I just had to giggle at him.

Back in the kitchen, I put on my apron adorned with Mai’s and my faces - it had been a birthday present from her not long after we moved in together. Keisuke rolled up his sleeves and started chopping red and orange peppers while I seasoned chicken and popped it into the oven. He had already diced the onion because I mentioned nothing stopped from me crying when I did it. When we threw it all into the pan, I got the seasoning out and Keisuke just stared at me from the other end of the kitchen.

“What is it?” I said with a smile.

“Being here and doing mundane things with you feels so natural.”

I couldn’t help but imagine a reality where this was the norm. Walking together, holding hands, cooking lunch, just existing in the same room and talking. I grabbed my wooden spoon and mixed the peppers and onion, adding herbs and garlic. I took out a tablespoon to taste it and grabbed a spoonful for Keisuke to try. He nodded approvingly,

“This is that dish you said you make often? Fucking incredible.” I grinned, put the cooked rice into the pot and mixed it all together.

By the time the chicken was finished in the oven, Mai barged in, groaning and throwing her bag on the chair before face-planting the couch.

“I hate her so muuuuuuch! She knows I don’t read and she still won’t cut me some slack when it comes to assigned reading. I don’t know how many times I have to spell it out for her that I’m fucking D - Y - L - S - E - X - Y - C!”

I had to smack Keisuke’s chest to stop him from snickering.

“My darling,” I went to check on her, “you do know that’s not how you spell dyslexic, right?”

She lifted her head off the pillow and blew a strand of hair out of her face, “Well that’s how I spell it.”

I patted her head and motioned her to come to the kitchen where I plated up our food and brought it to the table with Keisuke’s help. 

“And is your brother older or younger than you?” I wondered.

After we finished lunch, Mai grumbled away into her bedroom and got ready for work while Keisuke and I washed up and put away leftover rice. We still had a good few hours before he had to go home to make dinner for him and his brother so I suggested we go for a walk.

This time holding hands felt natural, and every time we passed someone I knew I didn’t feel like I had to let go and hide. He told me about his coursework, how he had always known he wanted to be a vet, about his favourite things, and his childhood friends. 

“Well, he’s not actually my brother, but he may as well be. We’ve been friends since we were in school. Funny story, actually,” He chuckled to himself, “He wanted to bully me but I ended up saving him from getting beaten up. You’re gonna have to meet him one day soon.”

I stopped in my tracks. He wanted to introduce me to his best friend/brother?

“No, not at all. I’m actually looking forward to meeting him.”

He looked at me, worry in his face, “Something wrong?”

I shook my head, trying not to show I was tearing up,

“You’re so weird, did you know?” He pulled me closer for a kiss. In public? In front of people!

Our kiss got broken up by a bicycle bell so we fled out of the way and just kept walking around. When we passed my university building I pointed it out.

“Looks like a prison, sorry,” Keisuke noted.

“Sometimes it feels like one, too. I need to get something from the library though, wanna come with?” He joined me inside, perusing the shelves of different sections in the library, while I went to the linguistics section to get a massive tome I needed for my next paper. On the way back home he offered to carry it for me when he saw the sheer size of the book. 

“Not gonna lie, Kei, you look really hot with a book in your hand.” His raised eyebrow made me giggle.

“Kei? I like that. I’ll start carrying a book with me at all times.” His hair was shining in the sun and I was overwhelmed by the need to run my fingers through it. Get it together, Yuna. 

I ended up recounting how I had met Mai, how she essentially ‘adopted’ me when she realised I was revising for the same midterm she had to take and she could listen to me revise instead of suffering through her own notes. Then we very quickly became best friends and I asked her if she wanted to move in with me since I had a free room in my flat.

“You own the place then?” Keisuke asked. This story always made me sad.

“Yeah, it was my grandma’s, but she died just before I started university and she left it to me, fully paid off, and she left me a savings account for my tuition. Technically I’m only working to cover my spending money and pay for food.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek.

“Sorry to hear about your grandma.” I smiled at him, now approaching the front door. 

As I was struggling to find the apartment key in the sea of keychains, Keisuke started nibbling on my neck, “Hmm this feels kind of familiar, don’t you think?”

I hurried with the keys and pulled him behind me, heading straight into my room and starting to take off my clothes. His mouth was pulled into a devilish grin, canines poking out, making him look like a vampire, and he took his shirt off before pulling his hair back and attacking my neck again.

~

While we were lying entangled I couldn’t help but overthink the situation. I could feel myself digging the hole of obsession deeper by the minute, which is something I had told myself wouldn’t happen again. But, that said, this didn’t feel like last time.

Keisuke opened his eyes and nearly startled me when he spoke. “You look sad.”

Last time I jumped into a relationship without weighing out my options, just because I liked the look of him and he charmed me into thinking he’d stay like he had been that first week. Then I ended up spending six months constantly wondering where he was, and, on the rare occasions he actually spent time with me, being hidden from the eyes of anyone else.

We’d never held hands or hugged in public. He’d never introduced me to his friends or family. Then he’d said he was just keeping me around for sex and my whole self-worth collapsed. 

Not a question. I didn’t want to bother him with my problems, but it was like he had a sixth sense for it.

“Did you forget what I said to you last night? I want to be with you, and that means taking on a portion of your sadness as well as making you cum daily. Let me help you.”

His usual goofiness is gone, replaced by a serious tone, seeing directly into my soul with his intense eyes. He moved one hand to my hip and started caressing me. 

“I was just overthinking things. I know, I know, when do I not?” With a sigh, I continued.

“I wasn’t allowed to express myself in the last relationship. I’m still trying to learn how to communicate with a partner because I didn’t get that before. That’s why I’m so conflicted because I was drawn to you from the start, but the past experience says it only leads to a catastrophe.” I felt the need to shut my mouth immediately. I’d said too much and laid out my emotions too soon.

My mind was racing, but I’d decided. “I think it’s too soon to say, but there’s another Emo Nite event in 11 days and that might be a good day to decide.” 

Keisuke touched my face, looking deep into my eyes.

“Funny you said that, I also felt drawn to you when I first saw you. I was rude to you to try and stop myself from acting on that feeling, but it clearly didn’t work.” He gestured at us lying in each other’s arms. “But I’m glad this happened because now I can show you how a real man treats his partner. What the actual fuck was this guy’s problem? You’re so smart, kind, funny, and interesting, I can’t wait to hear every next word from your mouth. I really hope you give me a chance to show you how serious I am about all of it.”

“Sounds like a date. Gives me time to talk to my friends and get them to come with me again. Apparently they had a decent time after I left.” 

“Does that mean I could meet them then?”

He leaned in to kiss me and chuckled, “Sweetheart, you’re meeting them way sooner than that.”

~

With a million kisses to go and no firm plan on when we’ll see each other next, I saw him to the door and said goodbye. It hadn’t been five minutes before I got a message from him.

Keisuke, 18:32

I can smell you on my clothes. It’s making me smile in public. c:

Yuna🖤💙, 18:33

thats funny because we spent most of the time with no clothes on

but i can smell you on my pillow and im just gonna sit here and snuggle it for a while

Keisuke, 18:33

That’s probably the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.

Please keep it up.

I’ll give you my hoodie or something next time.

Yuna🖤💙, 18:34

PROMISE?!

Keisuke, 18:34

Woah eager beaver C;

Yeah of course. Seeing you in my clothes might send me to a hospital, but I bet it would be worth it. c;

Yuna🖤💙, 18:35

if you get a heart attack whos gonna eat me out until i cry from overstimulation??????

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:36

Hey I’m hospitalised, not dead!

Yuna🖤💙,18:36

youre ridiculous. let me know when you get home safe <3

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:37

How cute, she’s worried about me c;

~

Yuna-chan, 19:03

i spent the past 22 hours with him 

hes sooooo not like any asshole from before

like

he held my hand when we walked

he kissed me in front of the library?!?!?!!?

he asks me stuff about me

chat is this real??? 

Hana-chan, 19:05

Dibs on picking bridesmaid dresses :)

Seriously though Yuna Im so happy for you

He sounds really nice

I expect an in-depth report on Sunday :D

And I want to see both of you at the event next Friday ;)

Yuna-chan, 19:10

thank you hana i couldnt have done this without you

seriously

[1 image attachment]

HE TOOK A POLAROID OF ME FROM THE FRIDGE!

Hana-chan, 19:12

Thank fuck it wasn’t a pair of panties hahah

That’s kinda cute ngl

You have one of him he has one of you.

Yuna-chan, 19:15

i’m smiling uncontrollably ??????? can’t stop send help

btw you got homework done for tomorrow?

~

After a few more hours of general upkeep of the apartment, texting with Hana and Keisuke, and sniffing the pillow whenever I walked into my bedroom, Mai arrived home from work and headed straight into the kitchen for leftovers. We sat at the kitchen table, catching up, when she pulled out a bag of popcorn from her bag, along with a couple of pots full of nacho cheese dip.

With a grin, we switched to the living room and put on our favourite show to rewatch, snacking on the loot from the cinema. 

#baji keisuke #keisuke baji #fanfic #baji x oc #fanfiction #writing #baji fanfic #baji x reader #tokyo revengers fanfic #wip fic #keisuke baji x you #keisuke baji x reader #baji keisuke x reader #tokyo revengers baji #baji #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers fic #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers manga #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev smut #tokyo rev x y/n #keisuke baji fluff #baji fluff #baji keisuke smut #baji keisuke fluff #baji smut #keisuke baji smut #whatdoidosatoru

[luka-couffaine-ship-tournament]

Round 1 Side A - Pair 1

CAMPAIGN

Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng

-They‘re just so good for each other. Luka is such a calming presence in Marinette‘s chaotic life and helps her relax when she feels anxious and unsure of herself, always willing to be there for her and offer a helping hand during tough times. Marinette has a deep appreciation not only for Luka‘s ability to play music but also hear heart songs, as if she understood immediately what he meant after listening to him play for the first time. They feed off each other‘s creative energy and are just generally so wholesome together. I could talk about them forever, they make me so happy!!

-Luka is the best boy, and deserves love from the girl he adores

-I just woke up and am too lazy to think of words for my favorite couple so here's some gifs as propaganda

Gif de gifs-misc

Gif de bizarrelovesquare

Gif de notasiren21

Gif de ouiladybug

Gif de kochengnoir

Gif de jeldraximo14

Gif de notasiren21

Luka Couffaine/Sabrina Raincomprix

-Listen, Sabrina needs someone who treats her well, she needs someone who considers her an equal and someone to show her what real love is like. And I truly and honestly think that she would try her best to understand and appreciate Luka but who he really is (if she can see the good in Chloe she is capable of seeing a God when she meets one)

-Vote lukabrina people. We cant lose this!

-This is just unfair we need to help our girl out!

I'll start!

Item Number One: Viperhound Is S Tier

This is the fucking duo right here, this is endlessly clever and positive tag team action, this is a pair who will NOT fail the mission alright?

They are designed so interestingly parallel and then put right next to each other in this sweeping shot of the new miraculous squad???

Like, am I supposed to not assume something about it??

Item Number Two: opposites contrast

Orange and Blue, extremely Sun and Moon energy, but I don't think that would make this ship sail smoothly. See, Luka likes being a moon. He is happy to support and enjoys being someone's shining beacon in the endless dark of night, and no one needs that kind of anchor to hold onto more than Sabrina right now. Sabrina cut ties with her best and only friend and while we see her hanging out with other classmates just fine, we don't really know how she is with being actual friends with people. I don't think anyone has tries to reach out to her since evillustrator and we saw in that episode how she approaches new potential connections. Overwhelmingly cheerful and warm and oppressively clingy, like a ray of sunlight that won't leave your eyesight on the hottest day of the year. She means well but, boy, she can be a lot. And more importantly, she needs to be the one helping because, what kind of friend is she if she isn't? Who is she if she's not doing everything for everybody else? It would, amusingly and annoyingly and endearingly, put her into conflict with Luka, who is similarly always pushing his own problems aside to help people with theirs. This would lead them into a loving rivalry of "take care of yourself" "no u" that goes both ways, a back and forth that ends with them reluctantly letting the other help them. And after so many years as someone's shadow, Sabrina deserves to have someone in her orbit, someone she shines a light on when he needs to be seen.

Item Number Three: YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE

Look I'm SORRY okay, but I have to say this even tho I also think their ship got done dirty by the show, I still think they wouldn't have lasted. I think Marinette and Luka being "too easy" is exactly their problem, as even if they didn't have everything else to worry about Marinette needs complexity or she starts to lose her mind overthinking things and goes looking for it. The simple nature of her relationship with Luka is what 13 year old Marinette needed, the Marinette who wasn't Ladybug yet, who hadn't stood up to Chloe and maybe even just had her heart broken in a mean prank. It makes sense she'd fall in love with and gravitate towards this living embodiment of all the comfort and security she wished she had, she had desperately needed at that time. But that's just it, she needed it then. And now she can rely on herself a lot better, she has a whole support system to fall back on, and what she needs from a romantic partner is something else. But Sabrina? She's done horrible things in the name of her friendship with Chloe and even enjoyed some of them, but had finally hit her limit of how much abuse she can both dish out and take herself. Sabrina can definitely recognize that Luka is a good person, but more importantly Luka would have to actually try to sympathize with a person, rather than just immedietely like them. Lest we forget, Sabrina is the one who locked Juleka in the bathroom on picture day. Chloe told her to but Sabrina physically did it. Being confronted with someone who hurt his sister but is, herself, hurting, and is determined to help everyone but herself will be a lot of conflicting emotions for Luka, and Sabrina would need to get used to being the center of someone else's attention in a way not entirely dissimilar to how Chloe was for her, although significantly less codependent.

What makes Lukabrina interesting isn't that they're perfect for each other or that it's immedietly easy.

It's awkward and messy and they clash, they push each other out of their comfort zones and find a new one to settle in together.

It isn't instant or love at first sight, but by resolving their issues with each other through communication, honesty and trust, they are able to become a happy and wholesome couple.

Don't fucking tell me the odds lol, I know they're probably not winning but they deserve a fighting chance. So please feel free to add your own Lukabrina Viperhound propaganda!

TAG:

Luka/Marinette - @mikoriin

Luka - Twitter @Karma_sensei_

@lukacouffaineappreciation

#luka couffaine #miraculous ladybug #viperion #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ship tournament #tournament poll #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #fandom polls #polls #luka x marinette #lukanette #luka x sabrina #sabrina raincomprix #marinette dupain cheng #mlb marinette #mlb sabrina

[danceswithsporks]

Hiiii, I'm dipping my toes nervously in the world of asks 🫣😂

I'd like to request "did you just kiss me to shut me up?" With Howzer (or Rex, if you have a preference)

Maybe Reader is rambling about something, getting lost in their thoughts. Maybe even building up some anxiety from overthinking? Or just sort of a special interest rant what ever tickles your fancy more. (Reader thinks they're annoying him)

GN reader if possible :)

Feel free to ignore if it's not up your alley and have a great day 🫶🏼

Motte! Thank you for dropping a request!! It always makes me so happy to se you pop up in my notifications!!

I hope I did your request justice with this! While it’s currently just Rex, I do have plans to add Baja Blast daddy Howzer in later! (I’ll tag ya when that happens)

Took so much for me not to go full fic length with this! It was such a cute idea!

“Did you just kiss me to shut me up?”

You stared at the smoking remains of your crashed starship. Debris had hit the thrusters and knocked you out of the sky. if not for Rex’s expert piloting skills, you’d be dead.

“Fuck, no one knows where we are and the comms are fried.” You chewed your lip nervously. A covert mission with very few knowing your destination and even fewer knowing the exact route you were taking. Those few being you and your captain.

Rex could see the panic beginning to settle into you. “Don't panic. I’m sure we can figure something out. Besides, General Skywalker was supposed to be following a day behind us.”

You quickly turned from the sizzling console in front of you, shock in your eyes. “You told him our route?” Only you two were supposed to know! When Rex shrugged and nodded you felt an anger boil within you. “How could you tell him without telling me? I know you don’t trust me as far as you can throw me but this was my mission. I was in charge! This was my chance to prove myself.”

“I was doing my job as a soldier. Making sure our commanding officer knew our route in case something like this happened.” His arms crossed with a humph before wincing slightly. It seemed he’d injured himself in the crash after all. Golden eyes checked to see if you’d noticed the way he’d grabbed at his shoulder and when he found a worried look on your face l, he knew you had.

“You're injured.” Rushing to the back of the ship, you managed to find and pull out the med pack that Kix had packed for you both. On top of medical supplies, there were also three days of rations within for emergencies.

“I’m fine, Commander.” He watched you carefully as you flitted around the ship looking for emergency supplies. Every time you found something you’d run it over to his feet and drop it before running back to the ship. Each time he tried to offer to help and you’d simply push him back into place. After a few minutes, you finally slowed and dropped the small crate that would house your emergency tent. “Commander, I’m fine.”

“Still, I’d rather take a look at it to be sure. Last thing we need is you being injured.” Until you were back on the Resolute and near a bacta tank all you had were some patches and spray. If a bone was broken or dislocated he’d be screwed. It took you a moment to configure everything so you could successfully carry the two bags and the tent crate. As well as having a free hand to grab firewood as you moved away from the crash site. “Let’s get someplace more secure then I’ll take a look.”

“Commander” his words were stopped as you shot him a glance that said ‘end of questions’ he decided to ask just one more. “At least let me carry something?” Rex held his hand out to you waiting for you to pass something over. When you shook your head and began to walk into the woods around you, he sighed and followed close behind. He tried his best to keep a close eye on the area around the both of you as you trekked through the woods, but your ass in your Jedi armor was just too damn sexy to ignore.

Months, it had been literal months since you joined the Resolute and he’d gotten his first look at you. You were everything he’d dreamed of. Kind, sweet, and caring with a heart far too pure for a war-torn galaxy like yours. You cared for his brothers and himself more than even General Skywalker and Ahsoka did and you always found time to relax in the barracks with all of them and chat or listen to their woes. You’d even given him advice on how to ask out the person he'd been crushing on without even realizing it was you. Rex chewed his lip as you stopped and bent over to pick up some wood. The way your ass looked in those pants was absolutely mesmerizing and he felt filthy just imagining you bent over in front of him naked.

He was such a confusing man. You constantly got feelings of adoration and desire from him whenever you were near one another and while you had been crushing on him since your first day with the 501st, it was hard to gauge where you stood with him. You’d helped him out when he’d asked for dating advice, even if it did kill you inside to know he was crushing on someone else, and you found him always joining you and the others in the barracks when you’d all relax with one another. But he’d never made a move or even a flirting comment to let you know his feelings. For all you knew he simply saw you as a friend or worse, a sibling. It was that thought rushing through your stressed-out mind as you stopped to pick up a few dry twigs for the fire that was suddenly interrupted by the intense feeling of desire coming from the clone. It had to be a mistake, perhaps you were simply reading the emotion wrong? A shudder ran through your body at the thought of you two naked and him holding you ran wild through your mind. How many dreams have you had in the last few months of that very scenario? Rex cleared his throat from behind you, pulling you from your dirty thoughts. “Everything ok?” You turned and stepped back over to him, looking him over for discomfort.

Stars, those eyes of yours were always so warm and welcoming to him. No matter the situation, he knew he could rely on them for comfort and understanding. “Y-yeah. Spotted a mountain peeking through those bushes, figured we might be able to find a cave or use it as a partial wall for protection.” He motioned in the direction he’d just mentioned, sure enough, the gray of a mountain could be seen through the lush greens and browns of the woods around you.

You balanced everything in your arms into one hand and used the force to move some of the debris and earth out of the way, revealing a small overhang at the base of the mountain. It wasn’t a cave, but it would be enough to build a barrier around and store the heat from your fire. “Nice eyes, Captain.” In both catching the mountain before you passed it and in color. Maker, how you adored the golden color of his eyes. How they reminded you of the warm sun in the early hours of the morning and the comfort of a hot cup of caf with cream. If you weren’t such a tip-yip when it came to flirting with him then you would have told him as much. But you were, so instead you just led the way towards the overhang.

It seemed secure enough and once the two of you set up the tent and a barrier generator, it was perfectly safe. It took you moments to get a fire started and with that settled you turned your attention to Rex. “Alright, armor off.” You’d already shed your robes and sat in your base layers next to the fire. Beside you, the med kit sat open and ready for use and the warmth of the fire beckoned him to join you. “Promise I’ll be gentle.”

Rex swallowed the lump that had been forming in his throat as he carefully reached up to unlatch the pauldron on his left arm, the armor clattered to the dirt ground with a thud before he attempted to unlatch the right side. But the pain in his shoulder was too much and he winced in pain. It was definitely sprained if not dislocated.

“Here, let me help.”

He froze at the gentle sound of your voice as you carefully stepped around the fallen armor. You stared at him with those caring eyes, asking for permission to touch his armor and him. Rex nodded slowly and inhaled as your fingers carefully ran over the pauldron looking for the latch.

You thankfully knew what you were doing thanks to Fives and Echo showing you how the armor worked. It took only a moment for you to find the latch and once you did the armor clattered to the ground at your feet. A few more latches and the chest plate followed suit. Soon he was standing before you with just his lower armor on and his black top. “I’ll need to remove this.” You tugged at his shirt to make it clear what you meant. Rex stared at you for a moment as if lost in his thoughts before nodding and moving his good arm to pull the shirt off. You had every intention of helping him but between the sight of him easily reaching behind his neck with one hand and pulling off the shirt, and the thickness of the air that hung between the two of you, it was impossible to move.

Fuck, he was so much more handsome than you could have ever expected. Sure, you’d seen Fives and the others topless at the swimming arena in the Coruscant barracks, but never Rex. He’d always made himself sparse when it came time to swim. You had no clue why he would be so shy when he was stunning to look at. The muscles that rippled and covered his body were almost intoxicating and the many scars that covered it just made him even more beautiful. It was him clearing his throat that made you realize you were staring. You quickly shifted your eyes to his shoulder in hopes of playing off what had just happened as just general concern, you truly hoped it worked.

Your eyes fell on the already bruising shoulder and you made a worried face. “That doesn’t look good.” You reached down quickly and took his hand, leading him to the fire.

Rex nearly collapsed at the feeling of you touching him and helping with his armor, as soon as you’d tugged on his shirt his knees had felt like jelly. He’d done so well avoiding you seeing the scars that littered his body, worried that you’d find them repulsive. You weren’t like that though and he knew you weren’t like that, but even still he worried. So he’d always find an excuse to avoid swimming with you and the boys, something he regretted every time because Kriff, he really wanted to be as near to you as possible. Rex didn’t hear a single word you said as you pulled him towards the fire, worry taking over your inquisitive features.

A hiss came from the clone captain as you carefully ran your fingers over the injured shoulder. “I’m sorry.” You chewed your lip in worry as you pulled out a portable scanner and ran it over his shoulder slowly. A long sigh left you as you took in the results. “Your shoulder is dislocated.” Turning the device so he could see, you began to think about how to fix this.

“You’ll have to set it then.” He’d tried to say it with as calm a face as possible but he knew the pain could be immense. Looking at you, he found your face filled with shock and worry. “Hey, I know you can do this.”

“It’s going to hurt like hell and Kix didn’t pack any pain reliever of that level.” He’d only packed the basics. “You could potentially black out from the pain alone.” And for you to be the cause of that pain? You hated to even think about it.

“Rather be in pain for a moment than the three-day minimum it’ll take for them to track us.” That’s if the mayday transponder was broadcasting. If they missed you two then it could be even longer. “I trust ya, Commander.” He reached over and squeezed your hand gently while nodding reassuringly to you.

Oh, he was dead serious about you doing this! A lump you hadn’t even realized was in your throat was swallowed as you nodded back. “O-ok.” Kriff you were gonna do this. “I-if you pass out. I’ll never forgive you for leaving me alone here for even a moment.” You stood and repositioned yourself behind him. “Here, lay back.” Grabbing one of your robes, you threw it down so his head wouldn’t be in the dirt. “I need you to lay flat.”

“I won’t leave ya alone. I swear.” He swallowed at the feeling of your hands on his bare shoulder while you guided him down to the ground. “Sounds like ya know what your doin'.” Man, he really hoped you knew what you were doing.

“I’ve read about doing this, but never attempted it myself.” Your eyes slid away from his and looked around for something to bite down on. “Here” you pulled your holster over and discarded the contents unceremoniously before passing it to Rex. “But down on this.” The last thing you needed was his screams of pain drawing any unneeded attention.

“I can’t, not on that. You said your master gave that to you before she died.” He’d very clearly remember that story, like he did with every tale you told them.

He’d remembered that? Oh, your heart fluttered so much. “Yeah. But I can always get a new one. Can’t get a new you.” Before he could remark, you slid the leather into his mouth. “Tell me to stop if it becomes too much.”

The redness creeping across your cheeks was downright heart-stopping. You were flirting with him, weren’t you? Did that mean… his thoughts were ripped from him as you carefully moved his injured arm in small circular motions while keeping his arm leveled with his body, Rex fought the urge to scream as best as he could but it truly felt like you were ripping his arm off.

Tears burned your eyes as you continued to move his arm 90 degrees with his body. The little two-inch circles you were making worked to wiggle the joint back into its socket. You held your breath, waiting for him to tell you to stop but he continued to groan and scream through the pain. No longer were his warm and comforting golden eyes watching you, instead they were squeezed shut as he tried to stay conscious. “A-almost there.” If you did it right then as you lived his arm towards a 120-degree position you’d hear a…

*pop*

“That’s it!” You carefully returned his arm to resting over his stomach as you dove for the medic pack. You could have sworn there was a sling in there.

Rex felt like he was going to pass out and vomit at the same time from the pain. The excitement in your voice as you declared it in place was wonderful to hear down the long tunnel you seemed to suddenly be in. “G-great job, Mesh’la.” Rex groaned slightly as his good arm covered his eyes, the darkness pulling at the corners. “Ya…did..it.”

“Mesh’la?” Echo had told you about these terms of endearment after Jesse had called you cyare. But to hear Rex actually call you that had nearly knocked you out! That had to mean he liked you like you liked him! Turning back to him with the sling in hand, you let out a shriek as you realized he’d passed out. “Rex? Rex!”

-*-

It was dark by the time Rex had come to, his arm now secured in a sling and his head propped on a bundle of your robes. “Commander?” He sat up quickly and looked around for you, finding you close to the fire with your knees pulled up to your chin. When you didn’t look at him he worried that he’d upset you by passing out after saying he wouldn’t. He hadn’t meant to, it seemed with everything that had happened that day his body was just done.

Hearing his voice after you’d finally calmed yourself down was like the sweetest thing ever. But at the same time, it wasn’t, for it meant facing the anger that was inside you at him. He’d assured you he wouldn’t leave you alone and yet he’d passed out for four hours! How could you not be mad? “How are you feeling?” Your voice was void of any emotion as you walked over to him and checked the sling. “Any more pain?”

“No. Just dull.” The way you avoided making eye contact with him stung. He’d essentially promised you he wouldn’t and yet he had, you had every right to be upset with him. Reaching up, he took your hand in his and tried his best to meet your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Does it feel cold? Hot?” You slid your hand from his and tapped at the hand in the sling. “What about this?” You fought the urge to cry and yell at him bubbling within you.

“Commander.” Rex tried to get your attention once more.

“If it’s cold then you’re losing circulation and I may have pinched something.”

“Commander, please.”

“But if it’s getting hot then there may be an infection starting. But I did give you an antibiotic stem so that shouldn’t be the case.”

Rex sighed as you continued to ramble on, ignoring him. He’d seen you like this one other time when Hardcase had injured himself trying to play a prank on Jesse. You’d become so focused on taking care of him that it had taken them nearly an hour to focus once more. “It feels fine.”

“The bruising has started to diminish a bit and I’m not seeing any swelling so that’s a good sign.” You tried to ignore the way his fingers on his injured hand wrapped around yours. “Oh good, you have movement there,”

“Please, look at me.”

“I went through our rations while you were out. Seems if we take our time we should have enough to last a week.” You motioned across your little campsite to the tent crate that now held those rations. “Tomorrow I can go look for a freshwater source and then maybe we could f-“

Your words were cut off by his lips against yours. Everything seemed to spin and explode at the same time as his lips continued to press and rub against yours. You melted into the kiss while your hand found his cheek and you held him close. This was happening! He was kissing you! Your Captain Rex was kissing you right here and now. It lasted for a mere minute but it felt as though it had been an hour. A whine left you as he pulled away to check on you.

“I’m sorry. But you wouldn’t stop…” Rex was cut off by your hand going up to stop him while your other one hovered by your lips in surprise.

“D-did you kiss me to shut me up?” Was that all it had been? A way to shut you up? Honestly, you’d do it again just for the same outcome. But you’d never tell him that.

“You were spiraling like that time with Hardcase.” His good hand held your cheek gently while his thumb ran across your smooth skin. “I’m sorry for passing out.”

So he’s done it to get you quiet so he could apologize. “Oh. It’s…it’s ok.” It seemed so meaningless to be upset by something he clearly couldn’t control. “I’m just…glad your o…”

“Can I kiss you again?” The words left Rex before he could even think about them.

“Please.” Came out like a needy little whine that made your cheeks flare. “I mean, yes. I-I’d like that.”

“Really?” Rex felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. You wanted him to kiss you again.

“Oh, Rex. Of course, I do. I’ve wanted you to kiss me for months.” Might as well let the loth cat out of the bag fully. “I've just…never been brave enough to say something.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you just call me Rex and not Captain.” And oh how he loved the sound of his name on your lips. You admitted how long you’d wanted him to kiss you and with a chuckle, he shook his head. “I’ve been wanting to for months. But I didn’t know how to even begin. That’s…why I asked for your advice.”

Now it all made sense. He’d been talking about you when he mentioned liking someone who lit up his world. “I…light up your world?”

“Stars, Yes. Whenever you smile, or laugh or hells just look at me!” Rex leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours once more, excited to feel you part your lips and allow him in.

His tongue danced with yours and you saw actual stars. He tasted like everything you’d hoped for. So sweet and filled with eager affection. You hummed happily and wrapped your arm around his neck carefully, pulling him close. You chuckled into his lips as so many things became clear now that you knew he had crushed on you.

Were you really laughing right now? Rex pulled away and smiled at you sweetly as he brushed his finger across your cheek.”What's so funny?”

“When I found that pack of Chandriian butter cookies on my bed, that was you, wasn’t it?” He smirked at you and your heart fluttered. “I had a feeling.”

Rex shrugged as he thought back to that day. “You said to give them something they enjoyed. You’ve constantly talked up those cookies. I knew I couldn’t go wrong with them.” He reached over and tilted your chin up toward him. “I hope you enjoyed them.”

“I did. Now that I know who gave them to me, I can thank you properly.” Moving for him, you pressed your lips against his once more and savored the way he smiled into you. His good arm wrapped around your back and held you close. Your head swam with feelings of delight and desire as he rubbed your side gently. “So much I’ll be thanking you for.”

“Then let me thank you first.” When you raised an eyebrow at him, he chuckled. “For saving my arm, my men and myself. Before you joined us, life was surprisingly dull. Even with Skywalker as our General. But you gave us something to look forward to. You always tell the men the sweetest stories and listen to all of their woes. Thank you, Mesh’la, for being so wonderful.” He peppered a few kisses against your lips as he spoke and thanked you.

“Perhaps we’ll be saying thank you to one another until they rescue us.” For you too had so much to thank him for.

Rex smirked at the idea. “Then let’s get started now”. Leaning down he pulled you carefully into another kiss. He’d kiss you every moment of every hour, of every minute until you were saved and so much longer after

#clone wars fic #captain rex #captain rex x reader #captain rex x you #fic request #mina writes things

[imagines-ahs]

Chapter Thirty-Two: Madder.

Summary: Wilhemina Venable felt it was finally time to leave Kineros Robotics and get a job with people who weren’t such morons like Jeff and Mutt. What she didn’t expect, however, was for her new boss to be so damn insufferable. She didn’t expect to fall in love with her, either.

Tag List: @mayfair-fleur @mistysswampmud @paulsonsratched @msvenablx @notmeellaannyy @rwoolfe @golddustdykes​ @lovingsarah @slut-for-sarah @geinobinarie​ (message me to be added if interested!)

The ride home was anything but sweet. Billie Dean yawned nonstop, and her lower lip got caught between her teeth time and time again out of sheer overthinking. Why the fuck do I feel like crying? Billie didn’t understand… she sniffled as she stopped at a red light, reaching to wipe a tear away. Didn’t understand was really a lie, though; she knew why she was crying, she knew why she felt so damn bad and so damn defeated and like everything always failed for her. She was in love with Wilhemina… and Wilhemina had her neck full of hickeys from another woman, Wilhemina touched her like a friend would, Wilhemina saw her with no second intentions. And she desperately craved those second intentions. But she couldn’t do anything about it. She couldn’t tell her how she felt, she couldn’t hold her hand and hope for her to hold it back the way she did. She had to think about Wilhemina first, about the journey she supposed Wilhemina had on finding someone, about her feelings and fears and about how much she had grown in the little time they had known one another. How was it fair to ruin it? How was it fair to come between her and Emma? I just can’t. Billie Dean sniffled again as she began to drive. I want to sleep. Billie wanted to stop thinking for a second and to stop feeling for a second and to stop wanting and longing for a woman she could not have. “Fuck!” Billie yelled to herself. Tears roamed freely on her face now, cascading down her cheeks and eventually drying or falling down to her lap. She was so damn tired of this game, of having to deal with her mind and having to deal with everything all the fucking time. I need a cigarette. How long had it been ever since she had last smoked? Billie rushed way more than she should in the streets, getting home in nearly half the time she was supposed to have gotten. Tears still streamed down her face, and when she stepped outside in her garage, Billie Dean yanked her purse and rushed her fingertips to grab a cigarette and push it between her lips. She took a long, slow drag. Her eyes closed, wet eyelashes clumping together. Fuck my life. Billie Dean leaned against the wall, purse hanging from her forearm and cigarette between her fingers. Finally her thoughts gave her a break. The tears began to dry out as she took drag after drag of her cigarette. The smell of tobacco filled her lungs and relaxed her in a way she didn’t exactly appreciate, but couldn’t live without. Once the cigarette was nearly gone, honey eyes opened again. Billie stared at nothing at all from the distance. I can’t keep doing that.

With ragged steps and sniffling the remaining of her tears away, Billie Dean walked to the door of her house. She reached for her purse and blindly rummaged for her keys; they were nowhere to be found. Just what I needed. With a frustrated sigh, she hastily opened her purse and leaned it on her hip, hands clumsily and harshly looking through the many items there. All of a sudden, the coral notebook she had gotten from Venable fell down to the floor. Billie Dean stared at it. She stood there, purse against her hip, eyes glued on the notebook. And then she gulped. And her mind stopped. She thought of Wilhemina once again, and all the emotions that had given her a break came crashing down yet again. And then her mind snapped. Quickly, she bent down to grab the notebook and got back into the car. Something in her chest lit up. If I’m going to distance myself, I might as well deserve a chance. She already had the ‘no’, after all. But… was it fair? Billie Dean hesitated as she sat down on the driver’s seat again. Wilhemina had already been through so much, it seemed… was any of that fair? Was it fair to pull away? Was it fair to tell her how she felt? Was it fair to not tell her how she felt? Billie Dean didn’t know. She didn’t know anything besides the fact that she was hurting and she had to get it over with and fuck! She didn’t know anything! A loud scream got out of her lips before she could stop it, deep from her soul and attempting to shut her mind. It echoed inside the car. Her thoughts stopped. And so Billie Dean turned the car on and began to drive again. Inside her chest, Billie’s heart sped up; it only had one hope: to be able to finally kiss Wilhemina. A blissful and almost dream-like cloud fueled her brain; was she really doing that? Was she finally doing that? Was it a good thing? Was it a bad thing? What if she says no? but also What if she says yes? And what a contrast of emotions and feelings and Gosh, she wanted another cigarette and she wanted to turn around and go home but her foot pressed harder on the gas instead, and she kept on driving and driving towards Wilhemina’s house. Not one thought was coherent enough.

In her house, Wilhemina shut the door and let out a sigh. Purpura watched her from the doorframe still, and all of a sudden, Venable felt absolutely inadequate. It was nearly eleven in the morning, and she was still in her pajamas, hair a mess, face fresh. Of course she left. How disgusting of her to allow herself to be this free? To be this untamed and this careless about something she should be the most careful about? Of course she left. Of course she did. Her eyes threatened to fill with tears. Wilhemina doubted she had ever found herself so disgusting as she did right now. Would Emma still want me like that? She doubted it. But the thought reminded her of Emma, and she wondered… could she see her right now? Could she be around someone who truly desired and wanted her? Venable walked to her bedroom and grabbed her phone; instantly, she clicked on Emma’s contact. It didn’t take long for her to answer, just as it didn’t take long for Wilhemina to make the decision to call her. It was all rushed and not thought about and nearly on autopilot—it didn’t feel like Venable.

“Hi, gorgeous,” Emma’s voice echoed through the phone for the second time that day. “What’s going on?”

“Can we change the lunch to today?” Wilhemina spoke in rushed, emotionless words.

“Today? Sure, I just—I’ve barely gotten home. It won’t be ready for a while. Did anything happen?”

“No. I’ll be there in thirty. Bye.” As soon as she finished speaking, Venable hang up. Her mind was on autopilot, struggling to think of anything other than the pain she had in her chest over something she couldn’t really point to. But perhaps Emma could; perhaps Emma could make her feel better, could make her feel beautiful, could make her feel special. Not like Billie Dean can. But Billie Dean had left. She had left and she didn’t think of her as anything but a friend and that was the truth to all that. Billie Dean had left. Wilhemina opened her wardrobe and looked over to the side where her favorite dresses were; she needed to feel beautiful, and so she chose a rather short one—it stopped mid thigh, which she rarely felt comfortable with—and began to put it on along with a beautiful pair of purple lace lingerie. Dark brown eyes stared at herself in the mirror as she did so, examining the bruises on her neck. Shouldn’t them be a sign of lust? A sign of longing, a sign of wanting? Venable didn’t see them that way. Once she put the dress on, Wilhemina stood up straight and examined it: the details on the shoulders and sleeves were beautiful, and her legs did look rather good with the shorter material. Venable decided she wouldn’t stare at herself too much and moved on to do her hair. Ten minutes later, it was done in light waves. Her usual makeup adorned her beautiful face, and then Wilhemina sprayed some perfume on herself and put on her heels and she was all ready to go. I don’t feel so good. Her mind kept on going back to Billie Dean; on going back to what they had talked about, to how Billie made her feel, to what Billie made her think… and Gosh, she wanted a break. She wanted to think about Emma instead! She wanted to desire Emma’s lips against hers, not Billie Dean’s! She wanted to want to be desired by Emma, not by Billie Dean! She wanted to want to have fucking lunch with Emma, not with Billie Dean… and Billie Dean simply didn’t want those things back. And even if she did, it was too risky to try to find out. It was too risky to even risk being rejected by someone who meant so much. And how cruel was that? I need a damn break. Wilhemina grabbed her purse and keys and followed to the kitchen; she made sure Purpura was all set before going to the door. Glancing back at the cat, Venable took a deep breath. “I’m such a mess, Purpura…” The car meowed once. Wilhemina’s eyes threatened to fill up again; she sniffled it away. Her chest was as tight as a stretched out rubber band. “I’ll be back later.” With that, she opened the door and stepped outside. When she turned back around after locking the door, there Billie Dean was, walking towards her house. Fiery eyebrows frowned. Am I seeing things? In her state, Venable didn’t doubt anything.

Honey eyes looked up from the floor, and instantly they met Wilhemina’s dark ones again. And she was all dressed up, in heels and everything and smelling so much like lavender, with that beautiful purple dress that revealed a lot of her legs; Gosh, her legs. The weird excitement that had rose up to Billie Dean’s chest quickly washed down. She stopped on her tracks, hands holding her purse close to herself as if it were a shield from all the emotions she knew she would feel. I can’t do that. “Oh,” that was the only sound that escaped her lips. That was until she watched as Venable frowned in confusion and kept on staring at her, not saying anything. She quickly snapped out of it. “I… I was looking for my wallet,” she quickly said. “I think I—I lost it, I thought maybe I’d forgotten it here but since—since you’re leaving, don’t worry.” Nervously, she licked her lips. And then her chest caved inside just a tiny bit more and, with her voice trembling just a little bit, she asked: “I thought you didn’t have any plans for today…?”

Wilhemina felt a type of guilt she had never felt before; one she didn’t understand, one she couldn’t rationalize because was she really doing something wrong? What was that bubble inside her chest that took all the air away and left none to her lungs? She squeezed her cane. Her eyes scanned Billie Dean’s face. She was crying. “I—I didn’t, but you… you left…” She forced herself to take a deep breath. Tobacco invaded her nostrils.

Billie Dean nodded. She was waiting for me to leave. How stupid of her, to think she ever stood a chance. To think she ever held a place that was important enough in Wilhemina’s heart that she would rather be with her than with Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. And those fucking bruises were still there on Venable’s neck, fresh and looking oh so pretty it suffocated her. Billie forced herself to open a smile. “Right. Yeah, I did—I need to rest. You know what? I think I left my wallet home. I didn’t even take it to the set.” A weird, forced laugh left her lips. Her eyes nearly twitched from blinking so much in order to hold her tears back. “I’ll get going. You have fun.” As soon as she turned around, Billie Dean’s face scrunched up in a silent sob. She walked to her car and didn’t stop until she got inside.

“Billie—Billie Dean!” Wilhemina called. Fuck fuck fuck! Why did she ever call Emma? Why didn’t she wait just a little more? Why didn’t she think about the possibility of Billie Dean magically coming back?! But Billie didn’t look back. The last thing she saw was her leg disappearing inside the dark-window adorned car. As fast as she could, Venable began to walk there. “Billie, wait!” But before she even walked half the way, Billie Dean’s car took off in a speed that almost frightened her. Wilhemina stood there, watching as the car disappeared on the horizon. It was like part of her heart had followed along with Billie, and she was left feeling empty. I should have known she was coming back. But how? There was no way. But Wilhemina still felt like she should have known, should have expected it, should have been fucking smarter. Fumbling for her phone, Venable clicked on Billie Dean’s name; it ringed and ringed and ringed until it got to voicemail, and by that point Wilhemina thought she was going to turn blue, for she was holding her breath in anticipation. A loud sigh left her lips. She stared at the screen, eyes going back and forth between Emma’s and Billie Dean’s name. What is wrong with me? Billie had left again. With her chin trembling, Venable gulped loudly. Everything hurt. And she didn’t even know why. And for fuck’s sake, couldn’t she just stop thinking about Billie Dean?! Couldn’t she just leave all these questions and feelings behind?! Billie Dean left. She squeezed her cane so hard her knuckles turned white. Her head buzzed. Her jaw clenched. Her eyes closed. She stood there focusing on the wind on her hair, battling any and every thought away. And then… tobacco filled her lungs again. Dark brown eyes snapped open; a man walked on the other side of the street, cigarette in hand. “Fuck it,” she murmured to herself and followed to her car. Wilhemina’s mind was back on autopilot, fingers drumming on the wheel and chest tight. Billie Dean kept on clouding her thoughts, and Venable just wanted it to stop. When she stopped at a red light, shaky fingers reached for the bottle of Valium inside her purse; she downed one with no water and all. A sigh left her lips yet again. I need to fucking breathe. Emma didn’t deserve for her to be such a mess all the time; what fault did Emma have in all that? I shouldn’t feel this way. Billie Dean wasn’t Emma… and Emma wasn’t Billie Dean. And right now, Wilhemina wished they could just switch places. The light turned green, and Venable followed her way to Emma’s house. Billie Dean, Billie Dean, Billie Dean. How was Billie Dean? What had happened? Why was she crying? Why did she leave like that… twice. She left twice. Emma’s house soon appeared, and Venable couldn’t help but wonder if she shouldn’t have gone to Billie’s place instead. She said she wanted to rest. Why had she come back like that if it weren’t a lie? Had she really lost her wallet? Who was Wilhemina fooling, maybe everything was just about a wallet after all. But why? Why was every— “Stop!” Venable yelled as she parked the car. “Stop! Stop! Stop!” Her thoughts were spiraling. Her mind didn’t rest. She took a deep breath and leaned her forehead against the wheel. Her eyes closed. Emma deserves a good date. Emma has nothing to do with that. She should be worrying about Emma, not about Billie Dean. Billie Dean had left. Emma had kissed her lips and longed for her. Emma wants me. With that in mind, Venable reached for the door and got out of the car. She took yet another deep breath before pressing on the intercom.

In no more than ten seconds, Emma’s voice came through. “Yes?” It was so sweet, so inviting, so… warm. But it wasn’t Billie Dean’s.

“It’s Wilhemina.”

“Come on in, gorgeous.”

The gate opened, and Venable began to make her way into the small garden there. Only then she realized she hadn’t brought anything for them. Embarrassing. But it was too late now. She watched as Emma appeared on the front door, in jeans and a sweater. She’s so beautiful. But still… something was missing. And Wilhemina forced herself to stop with these thoughts yet again. “Hi,” she smiled.

“Hi.” Emma’s lips turned into a big grin. When Venable reached the door, Emma instantly leaned to peck her lips. “You look beautiful, as always.” Something shifted. Wilhemina stared into green eyes. Emma bit her lower lip, waiting for her to say anything. A second passed. Then two. “Is every—“ Venable cut her with a kiss, full on the lips and harsher than usual. Emma hummed and blindly pulled them inside. Wilhemina didn’t think; she caressed Emma’s waist, pulling her closer and closer as she kissed her. The more her lips moved, the more her head gave her a break. Eventually, Emma pulled away. “Hi,” she said once again, breath shallow.

“Hi.” Wilhemina gulped. She licked her lips, chest raising and falling. “You look beautiful, too.” What am I doing? She didn’t know. Gently, she took a step back. “Sorry.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” Emma chuckled. She played with Venable’s locks, eyes on hers. “The salmon is cooking… the salad is done… couch?” Her eyes had taken a darker color. Wilhemina knew what it meant by that point. And she didn’t care; she didn’t have the energy to.

“Couch,” Venable nodded. Emma pulled them there, hand caressing Wilhemina’s as she did so. When they reached the living room, Venable set her purse aside and looked around; it was just as she remembered. Dots and Miracle watched her from underneath the center table. A small smile touched her lips, but before she could do anything, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. Wilhemina turned around to look at Emma; their faces were close, and strawberry filled her nostrils. This is good.

“I didn’t think they’d leave a mark…” Emma nearly purred as her fingertips now caressed Wilhemina’s neck. She traced the bruises there. “But they look awfully nice on you…”

Wilhemina couldn’t help but chuckle. Her free hand caressed Emma’s waist, right where her sweater met the waistband of her high waisted jeans. “You think?”

“Mhm.” Emma leaned to peck Venable’s lips. Gently, she pushed her against the couch. Wilhemina got the clue and took a seat. Two toned legs wrapped around her sides. In other times, she’d feel suffocated, but right now, she didn’t. She had been the one to start it. “Don’t you?” Emma smirked down as she straddled her.

With both of her hands free, Venable now caressed Emma’s hips. The memories from last night came back in a flash; the way her throat closed, the way she had to run to the bathroom, the nightmare she had had… Wilhemina didn’t want to think about it. Billie Dean had helped her, but Billie Dean wasn’t there, now. Emma was. And Emma clearly wanted her. She leaned to kiss her strawberry lips again, just so her mind stopped working for a minute. “I’m not so sure,” she murmured.

Emma played with Wilhemina’s fiery locks, caressing them, twirling them around her fingers. “Let me kiss your neck again,” she purred, and her lips were quick to slip down to Venable’s jaw. Wilhemina threw her head back and closed her eyes, hips sliding down against the end of the couch so her back rested at a more comfortable position. Emma’s lips sucked lightly on her skin, and this time Venable simply did not care. Her hands kept on caressing Emma’s hips, eventually falling to her thighs and pulling her closer. Emma’s kisses grew rougher; she sucked on her pulse point, and Wilhemina’s stomach began to flutter. She let out a sigh. Emma smirked against her skin. “You should be more vocal… it’s quite hot.”

Wilhemina’s cheeks flushed. She bit her lower lip. “I’ll think about it.” Her hands slipped under Emma’s sweater, caressing her bare waist. On top of her, Emma hummed and kissed her full on the lips again. Their tongues danced together, brushing and twirling. How is it to kiss Billie Dean? Venable didn’t want to think about it. So she kissed Emma a little harsher, and Emma’s hips moved once towards her. Wilhemina’s legs trembled. One of Emma’s hands slipped lower, lower, low until it cupped one of Venable’s breasts on top of the dress. Wilhemina’s breath hitched. Oh God.

Emma pulled away and brushed their lips together, eyes glued on hers. “I did something last night… after you went home…” Her palm gently massaged the breast.

Venable’s ears began to buzz. Her lower stomach twisted and flipped, mind forcing itself to get empty once again. There was a woman touching her breast. “Y-yes?” Emma nodded. She sat up a little better, and dark brown eyes watched as Emma slowly began to lift her sweater. This is happening. Wilhemina felt numb to anything outside their little bubble, eyes glued to every single patch of skin that was revealed by the sweater, and eventually to the beautiful black piece Emma had on.

“I thought about you…” Now, only in her lace bra, Emma leaned to peck Venable again. She sucked softly on her lower lip before pulling away, which got herself a small whimper. Emma smirked brightly, and Venable’s cheeks grew even hotter. “In bed…” Wilhemina knew where this was going. Her hands trembled lightly as she caressed Emma’s bare back, eyes glued on green ones as she felt the muscles shifting underneath her fingertips. Everything was too fast, and yet too slow to follow the spiraling of her mind. How is Billie Dean? Emma’s breasts looked awfully nice while hugged by the dark cloth. “I lifted my dress up… and my hands caressed my thighs…” Venable bit her lower lip. Her mouth had gone dry, her tongue seemed to have gotten loosen, and her underwear began to cling to her center. She took a deep breath. “And then they slipped to my underwear,” Emma whispered as she leaned closer to Wilhemina, teeth playing with her earlobe. Venable’s eyes closed, and stars clouded the inside of her eyelids. Do something. She gathered enough strength to caress down to Emma’s buttcheeks, squeezing them on top of her jeans. A small whimper left Emma’s lips and filled the room. Venable’s body shivered. How does Billie Dean sound?

“What else?” Wilhemina purred the best she could as she was the one to lean closer and attack Emma’s neck with kisses, now. Differently from her, she was careful not to leave any marks.

“Mgh… I touched myself…” Emma bucked her hips another time. Wilhemina gulped. Emma had thought about her… naked… had probably thought about her back, too… panic began to rise inside Venable’s chest. She took a deep breath and focused on the woman on top of her. On the woman that was not Billie Dean.

“Was it g-good?” Venable could feel Emma playing with her hair, pulling her closer. With trembling hands, she reached up to play with Emma’s beautiful bra. I want to see them.

“Very.” Emma reached to cup Wilhemina’s face, pulling her up for a kiss. Instantly, their tongues met each other’s again, fighting for dominance this time. Venable closed her eyes and took yet another deep breath. “Take… it… off…” This time, Wilhemina instantly followed as she was told. Her whole body was numb, and even if panic wanted to try again and grow inside and take over, it couldn’t. Not like that. Delicate fingertips found the tiny hooks of Emma’s bra and gently undid them; the piece fell down slowly. Once again, Emma pulled away. They stared at each other. With green eyes glued on brown ones, Emma slowly removed the bra and allowed it to fall somewhere to the floor. There she was, chest bare for Wilhemina to see. And Venable had to take a second to just collect herself, for how long had it been since she had last seen a woman naked like that? In front of her? Wanting her? It’s been… a long time. Lisa had been the last one. Emma’s lips twisted into a smirk that in the moment, Wilhemina couldn’t help but find absolutely provocative. “Like what you see?”

Wilhemina tried to speak, but nothing left her mouth. How vulnerable was she right now, how utterly small was she feeling. I don’t like it. Blinking once, Venable got out of her trance. Her eyes moved down to Emma’s breasts, and Gosh, were they beautiful. Her breath hitched for a moment. “Y-yes.” She looked back up at green eyes. “Yes. Very much so.” A satisfied hum left Emma’s lips, and before Wilhemina knew it, those strawberry lips were on hers again. Emma kissed her with gusto, cupping her cheeks and caressing her skin. Venable’s hands were still on Emma’s rump, caressing up and down and to the swell of her ass.

“Touch me,” Emma breathed out against their kiss. Wilhemina felt like a puppet, and being a puppet meant being controlled. She can’t see me naked. That was a boundary Venable wasn’t ready to cross. And so she had to do something about it. With her nails lightly scratching over Emma’s sides, Venable reached to caress her ribs. Emma smirked against her lips, a silent encouragement, and so Wilhemina felt her palms being graced by the soft and warm fat of Emma’s breasts. A small moan left Emma’s lips, and Venable’s thighs squeezed themselves on autopilot. Slowly, Wilhemina massaged the fat, thumbs caressing the nipples, tongue caressing Emma’s. How familiar and yet unusual was it to touch a woman like that? How comforting, yet so damn frightening? Venable didn’t know what she was feeling; she wasn’t really sure she felt much right now besides the growing heat between her legs and the growing pain inside her chest. Is Billie Dean alright?

“You feel good,” Wilhemina breathed out as she broke their kiss; she didn’t want to think about anything but Emma. Their foreheads touched, and Emma caressed Venable’s shoulders where her hands lay. Venable watched the way Emma’s eyes began to get heavy, they way her throat moved when she let out small whimpers here and there. And so, she focused a little more on the nipples between her digits, and Emma’s back arched deliciously against her palms.

“Y-yes,” Emma breathed out. She threw her head back, and Venable licked her lips as she looked down at the breasts in her hands again. Impulsively, she leaned down and took a nipple between her lips. Fingers instantly tangled in fiery hair, pulling Wilhemina closer, holding her in place. “Mm… Wilhemina…” Wilhemina. To hear her name like that, in a moment like that… Venable couldn’t help but smile to herself. Her eyes closed, and the fat of her tongue swiped over the erect nipple against it. Wilhemina took another deep breath. She wants me. Billie Dean left. She squeezed her eyes a little to make the thoughts go away. I want her, too. Did she? I want Billie Dean. She nibbled lightly on the nipple, soon wrapping her lips around it and sucking softly. The more she made Emma feel good, the least she would think about Billie… right? “Oh—“ Emma breathed out. Her hips had begun to chant in a slow rhythm, asking for more, craving more; and her fingertips gently pulled on Venable’s hair, holding her in place, begging for her to keep going. Wilhemina felt wanted. And she absolutely needed to feel wanted. Slowly, Venable kissed to the other breast, giving it all the same attention she had given to the other one. One of her hands played with the left out nipple, while the other one now slipped down to caress Emma’s buttcheeks underneath her jeans, on top of her underwear—which seemed to be lace as well. “Mm… more…”

More. Emma wanted more; she wanted more of her. And Wilhemina felt like she was in no position to deny it. Her lips slowly moved up and to Emma’s neck, and then her jaw, and then her lips again. Taking control like that meant Emma couldn’t guide her to take her clothes off, and that meant being safe; that meant not being touched. Venable was comfortable like that. “How?” She breathed out against Emma’s lips, a way of disguising her concern for her well-being as teasing. Emma didn’t seem to be a fan of concern, and Wilhemina didn’t want to risk getting another panic attack. Why was Billie Dean crying? What if she needed anything? What if something had happened?

“I want you to touch me,” Emma panted. Their lips brushed together still, and Emma had her hands against Venable’s shoulders for support.

“How do you want me to touch you?” Once again, Wilhemina did her best to sound seductive. Being with someone should be comfortable… Billie Dean had said something about it.

“I want you to finger me.” Emma had no problem saying it out loud. And Venable’s cheeks tinted even more, heart skipping a beat. Once again, her thighs squeezed themselves. Slowly, Emma leaned closer and nibbled on Venable’s lower lip again, playing with it. Wilhemina’s hands squeezed the fat of Emma’s buttcheeks softly. “I want you to make me cum against your fingers… fuck me until I can’t walk anymore…” Ew. How vulgar was that? Venable held herself not to grimace in disgust. But if that’s what Emma wanted… With a hum, Wilhemina kissed Emma’s lips once again and slowly began to unzip her jeans. She could feel Emma smiling against her lips, and while that brought her comfort… everything felt so mellow. She had her heart beating fast, had her ears buzzing, had her stomach fluttering, and still. Numb. I need to call Billie Dean. With Emma’s pants unzipped, they both pulled away from the kiss. Emma’s smirk kept printed on her face, eyes darker in color and burning against Wilhemina’s. Venable held her gaze while her hands slowly slipped inside Emma’s underwear, feeling the warm skin of her buttcheeks against her palms. Her chest quivered. Emma whimpered lowly, back arching yet again, hips bucking. Still slowly, Venable moved one of her hands to cup Emma on top of her underwear; her whole body warmed up when she felt the heat that radiated from the fabric. It’s been so long. “Mm…” Instantly, Emma began to grind her hips against the hand there, asking for more. Venable was careful with her fingers, finding the correct spot and starting to massage it. Emma’s lips were soon against hers again, kissing her harshly. Wilhemina closed her eyes and focused on the growing wetness against her palm. “Go inside,” Emma breathed out. And Venable felt like she was back at being a puppet.

“Patience,” Wilhemina breathed back, just so she could regain a little bit of control. Emma pulled away and stared at her eyes, lip between her pearl teeth, corners tugging up. Uh-oh.

“Wilhemina…” Emma let her lips turn into a full grin. Her eyes darkened up just a tiny bit more. “Mgh…” Venable held back a relieved sigh. She kept on going, and eventually Emma bent her head back once again. Wilhemina allowed her eyes to fall down to her breasts, to how they bounced, to how beautiful they were… her stomach flipped nonstop. “Please,” Emma whimpered, and Venable looked back up at her. With a frown in her features, Emma’s hips sped up. “Please, go inside…” That’s more like it. This time, Venable did as she was told, for she felt like she was the one calling the shots. And her fingers were soon met with the delicious wetness there. She couldn’t help but gulp again. Oh God. “Yes,” Emma moaned, leaning to nibble right underneath Wilhemina’s earlobe. Carefully, Venable spread Emma’s labia, soon coating her middle finger in her arousal and guiding it up to the little muscle that stood up for attention. Small whimpers kept on falling from Emma’s lips, and with her face inches away from Wilhemina’s ear, she could hear every single one of them. Her breath hitched. It was all overwhelming. “So good,” Emma breathed out, lips against Venable’s neck. Wilhemina hummed in delight, fingers gradually speeding up against the tiny muscle. Emma’s hips followed her movements, and her lips clumsily kissed Venable’s skin. The sounds that filled the living room were absolutely obscene and purely sexual, and for a second Wilhemina wondered if she even enjoyed sex still, for her head felt disconnected from her body and her thoughts, once again, gravitated towards Billie Dean. I shouldn’t be thinking about her right now. Emma deserved someone who could focus purely on her. So, slowly, she slipped a finger lower and gently caressed Emma’s entrance. Emma’s body insisted against it. “Y-yes… yes…” Carefully, Wilhemina slipped her finger inside. Emma’s body began to move harsher, and afraid she could fall, Venable’s free hand moved to hold her bare back and support her there. She caressed the bare skin, trying to find comfort. None was found, for it didn’t smell like Floratta Blue. “Oh—“ Emma’s louder moan snapped Wilhemina out of her thoughts, and only then she felt the way Emma’s walls fluttered against her finger. Venable’s stomach fluttered with arousal.

“Would you like another one?” Wilhemina asked, and this time she herself could hear how insanely not sensual she sounded. Is Billie Dean alright? But Emma nodded; she nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, hands holding herself against Venable’s shoulders and fingers digging against the fabric of her purple dress. Wilhemina carefully inserted another finger, and the way Emma adjusted around them was just so sensual. Once again, Venable felt her underwear uncomfortably clinging to herself.

“J-just like that…” Emma murmured, hips moving nonstop. Wilhemina made sure to press her palm against Emma’s clitoris, while her fingers pumped in and out in a nice rhythm. Everything felt mechanical. I think I want to go home. Her eyes fell down to Emma’s breasts again, and while they looked utterly seductive, Venable couldn’t match the numbness of her feelings to the fire between her legs. “Yes… oh—oh…” Emma’s moans grew higher, and so Wilhemina added a little bit more of force into her actions. Emma’s back arched even more, and Venable made sure to support her. “I… Wilhemina…” Emma now glued her forehead against Venable’s, staring at her eyes. That was so intimate, to feel Emma’s walls contracting against her fingers and have her eyes on hers, sharing the same air. And still… nothing. “I… I-I…!” Emma’s mouth opened in a silent scream. Wilhemina bit her lower lip as she watched the way Emma’s body moved; the way small beads of sweat covered her beautiful chest and neck. Her fingers felt every single motion of Emma’s walls until they grew still, and so Wilhemina slowly moved the digits up to caress Emma’s clitoris a bit more. Emma leaned her head against one of Venable’s shoulders, panting harshly. Strawberry invaded her nostrils once again. Numb. I feel numb.

#AHS #ahs fanfic #ahs murder house #ahs fanfiction #ahs apocalypse #ahs hotel #sarah paulson #Would you Swallow all your Pride? #rabexxpaulson #lesbian #lesbian story #lesbian fanfiction #lesbian relationship #lesbian fanfic #wilhemina venable #Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable #billie dean howard #billie dean x wilhemina venable

[elizaellwrites]

OC Questionaire #3

Thank you @willtheweaver for tagging me!

These are answers from 4 of my OCs from Legacy of the Fallen

1. Is there someone you look up to?

Anna: "I look up to my father. He struggles a lot, but he's been there for me my whole life. He's worked hard to support us and protect me even when I didn't realise I needed protection. Yes, he did lie to me about our past, but I understand why. He lost everything except me, and despite him being afraid about me returning to our people, he's respected my decision to do so. I just really love him."

Eleanor: "Cameron, no literally," (<5 ft vs >6 ft). "I'm joking, but I really do look up to him. He's smart but doesn't flaunt it. He's really skilled; he duel wields and hasn't lost a fight since I joined the observance. He's also really patient and calm compared to the rest of these crazies around here. He makes me want to get better at what we do."

Jacob: "She'd never believe this, but my sister, Amber. She does things that I'd never have the courage to do. She's not afraid to stand up for her beliefs and doesn't back down. I wish I was more like her, I really do. I'm trying to become more like her."

Roselle: "Do I have someone I look up to? Not really. I respect people, but I don't think any one person should be held in such a position. No one is perfect and they shouldn't be treated that way. It's a good way to lose sight of someone's flaws, and people should follow their own paths anyway."

2. Do you have trouble falling/staying asleep?

Anna: "Sometimes I get anxious and overthink; it makes falling asleep difficult. I used to wake up a lot with Father's nightmares since we had pretty thin walls in some of our places. Now, the silence at night makes me anxious, like I'm waiting to hear him."

Eleanor: "Not really, it's super easy after a long day. I just read for a half hour before bed to calm my brain down and I fall asleep in about ten minutes."

Jacob: "What's sleep?" laughs and breaks eye contact. "Yeah, it's fair to say that I haven't had a good night's sleep in years."

Roselle: "I wake up sometimes. I have this dream that's apparently too disturbing for me to sleep through. What's it about? Nothing you need to know."

Do you believe in forgiveness?

Anna: "Yes, but not always. There are some things that forgiveness just doesn't work. I guess for me it matters whether the reasoning makes sense or not."

Eleanor: "I suppose I do. Most of the stuff I forgive is just small stuff, you know. The big things I can't really let go though. We've all been hurt too much to just let that pain go."

Jacob: Lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. "Forgiveness." He looks down at his feet and pushes a hand back through his hair. "No, I don't really believe in forgiving what's done. What you do defines you; you can only do what you can to redeem yourself and live with what you've done."

Roselle: "No, unless it's something stupid like forgetting to return a pen or something. Forgiveness does nothing but let someone get away with hurting you or others. It's better to give them a taste of their own medicine if you know what I mean."

Tagging: @mushroommanchanterelle, @flowerprose, @illarian-rambling, @darkangel319, and @shellyscribbles

Your questions for your OCs are:

Have you had your heart broken?

What is your biggest regret?

What is your greatest ambition?

Do you believe in an afterlife?

What is your proudest moment?

#tag game #writing tag game #oc stuff #what's roselle's dream about? you tell me #this bunch has some baggage #also eleanor really is tiny #she *looks up* to Cameron lol

[kindness-ricochets]

Fic Stats Tag Game

Rules: Give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and your fic with the least amount of words. tagged by @tinyarmedtrex Most hits: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Republican National Convention - 25804 hits -

Jesper and Wylan meet at a farmers’ convention and, long story short, they might have to overthrow the government. Jesper was supposed to spend spring break at Nina’s—then a joint turned up in his backpack and his da decided he was coming to the convention instead. He’s miserable and bored until a chance encounter with a shy artist. He never expected to meet someone sweet, gorgeous, and interested in him in the middle of Iowa. There’s just one tiny problem: Wylan’s father is nationally prominent and openly homophobic.

Second most kudos: Things and Comforts - 811 kudos -

Everything is over and nothing is normal. Wylan should be delighted. He can live a comfortable life now, no longer afraid of his father. He can bring his mother home. He can spend the rest of his life making payments on that steep fee of Jesper's. (He hopes he can spend the rest of his life making payments on that steep fee of Jesper's.) Instead the return to Geldstraat brings new challenges. It's not Kaz or Jan calling the shots anymore, it's Wylan, and he'll need to decide if he's equal to the challenge of managing his father's empire, caring for the remains of his family, and becoming one of the few good men in Ketterdam.

Third most comments: A Measure of the Sum of Parts - 195 comments -

Wylan works to improve Kerch, partly by aligning with a growing workers’ movement, even as half the Merchant Council digs in their heels. Jesper knows he should be more, but he’s afraid to become more of a disappointment. The boys love each other. It’s enough… just barely. Then Jesper makes a terrible mistake, one that leads him to Ravka and a sojourn in the Little Palace. He needs to learn to control his abilities, he wants to, but that's easier said than done. Back in Ketterdam, Wylan digs into his family history, uncovering another of Jan Van Eck's dirty little secrets. Jesper and Wylan expected a reunion in Ravka. They never expected to mend their relationship at the heart of an international incident. Lies, poison, and lost children... just like old times!

Fourth most bookmarks: I had to go into my statistics for this because as far as public bookmarks, it's tied -- everything looks worse at night (I think I'm overthinking) - 158 bookmarks

It's Kaz's own fault for being a stupid skiv and getting himself nabbed off streets he knew like breathing. It's Kaz's fault. He tells himself that. (Repeatedly.) Kaz is held, captive and sick, in a basement he can't recognize, but when luck gives him a way out he runs to the closest safe place he can think of--Wylan's. Wylan doesn't expect a desperate, fevered crime lord to break into his house. He's stopped thinking life will be the way he expects, though, and sure Kaz is the Bastard of the Barrel, but he's Wylan's friend. What else could he do but look after him while he recovers?

Fifth most words: Love From 1964 - 75403 words

Ororo and Scott return to New York, but with so many homes lost, she struggles to believe in this one. What are you if you can't feel at ease in your own home or your own skin? Meanwhile, Charles plans to bring a new student to the school…

Least words: "Wylan" - 404 words

A single word can hold so much meaning…

That was fun! Thank you for tagging me! I'm not sure who to tag, but if you want to, please consider yourself tagged :D

#fanfiction #six of crows #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #x-men #not sure how that one managed to sneak in but cool that it did #but it's like 12th in the series

[moonbxbiee]

Contrasting hearts-Yang Jungwon

Ch-4 | Devil/Angels | Prologue

★ None of my characters or stories represent any enhypen members in real life, this story is purely fictional Made up by my own characters!

A/n- I was suppose to post this two day ago but my brain didn't listen to my heart. Btw it's long..hehe. (and the way I struggle with the name of this chapter, IT'S INSANE)

TAGLIST OPEN (Leave an ask or comment to be added to my tag list)

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･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

Coming to the campus, i let out a gasp seeing the beauty in front of me, it was even more beautiful than in those k-dramas and in my parents love story.. and now I'm gonna live that part for making my own story. I was happy but somewhere in my heart I still have a guilt leaving my parents alone in Seattle and coming back here, that happens when you have so much empathy and when you overthink even if everything is going good in fact great.. you yourself gonna make some sort of bad in it. But my parents know my plans very well even before shifting to Seattle 'that no matter what I came back to Seoul the place where I belong'. Dad supported me every time and my mom too but... she's a bit more emotional than him and the thought of me living apart from her is always hurting her, but when the time of my departure she just accept the fate.

Walking through the hallways of the university I was having a little nervous feeling in my stomach maybe because I haven't had something filling except coffee and that made my digestive system doing some weird stuff, but my eyes continuously scanning everything possible ignoring that feeling of my stomach.

In no time we stood in front of the administration office, waiting for any of us to knock or open the door so we can go inside

"Bridget knock"

"No you knock flora"

"No you" flora said again, and then suddenly I got an urge and i knocked as i stared straight at the door.. beside my best friends staring into my soul feeling dumbstruck, yeah alright I love taking impulsive decisions and regret later.

Thirty seconds passed then a minute passed no one responded, bridget slowly pushed the door as she tip toed in the office and found no one there. "Woah, seems like miss yang got a heart attack because there's no way in hell she's not present in her office at this hour" bridget said jokingly on which flora replied

"She won't get a heart attack, she gives everyone a heart attack, and probably she's somewhere doing this right now...but now what should we do, wait here till she comes back or come here later?"

"I don't know girl"

"I guess.. let's just wait here for another few more minutes" I said as they agreed. Few more minutes passed us standing like this in front of her office silently and right when we heard someone's footsteps approaching us

"You need to check everything in the auditorium-" the brunette haired lady in her mid thirties said to the other women who were following her steps, maybe she was her assistant, i assumed.. As she looked at us she questioned with a rough voice which almost sounds High-pitched to my ears "What are you doing here, girls" her face was emotionless with her eyes heavy from the sleep deprivation as if she was working for so long.

"Miss Yang, umm... she's moon, the transfer student f-" flora tried to speak but she was already cut off by the principal

"Ohh yeah, i remember. Come in the office" she stated making her way inside the office as her assistant followed her. I was silent because yes she did look scary and now everything slowly makes sense.

As we followed her inside the office she questioned me on which I took a great moment to respond to because I was lost in my dreamland. "Your full name?" She asked with the same voice.

"Umm...Moon Collins" She was checking some files which were piled up on her well organised desk.

"Yes Miss moon i heard your parents also graduated from here?" She asked another question, eyes scanning those files and then she picked one maybe mine, i mean of course mine

"Yeah you're right, both my parents are the international students transferred here from their individual countries" i replied and she nodded her head smoothly still looking and flipping the pages of the file in her hands.

"Alright" she said passing the file to me "you just need to fill some basic information here, and yeah that's pretty much it" then she looked at me.

with carefully reading everything on the form i filled what i needed to before passing the file back to her as She takes the file from my hands and then asked "And about your dorm-" before she could complete her statement bridget spokes cutting her off

"Miss Yang, our dorm have a room free she can stay with us and also we're best friends since childhood, it will be so pleasant if she stays with us" she said passing a cute smile to the principal which was slightly annoyed her, I can tell the look of her face

"Yeah, I was gonna say that, anyways thank you for your concern Miss Bridget, and can I ask you why you both are not present in your classes since few days" My eyes widened on her sudden question as i felt a tension build up,

"Um..Miss Yang...I was not feeling well for a few days and Bridget was taking care of me, I was having a hard time walking or standing properly dew to weakness" flora exclaimed trying to convince the brunette lady best and little did it worked.

"Okay, but as far as I remember you both already have a roommate, what about her why she leaves your dorm suddenly?" The other lady asked who was silent the whole time, And I have no clue about this, i tried to peek from the corner of my eyes without moving my head just to see my bestfriends fucked out faces and yeah they are one shade lighter than the original skin tone

"Miss Yang, miss Hong, we don't know about this" flora spoke hesitating a little

"maybe she found a new friend and was uncomfortable with us" Bridget exclaimed

"We're just assuming" and both said together with a small laugh, their faces was much paler than before.

"Hm..okay...y'all can leave now and you can join the lectures from Monday Miss Moon. And..oh yeah, today is the freshers party I hope I'll see you there"

"Yeah sure Miss Yang" i replied smiling softly and bowed down a little before making my way out of that suffocating office

"She's a true evil witch, she almost crushed us with her snarky behaviour" bridget stated while she was leaning against the wall exhaling some suffocated breath

"I guess she's not that bad" i said and flora replied

"Woah, bad? she's evil, wait you'll see her reality"

"Enough of this nonsense I need my vitamin peace, my hoonie baby" bridget said walking towards the main gate her movement was faster than usual.

"Vitamin what?" I was confused and flora said

"Here we go again" i looked at her with a confused look she locked her arm with me before pulling me outside. "Let's go, and meet the boys"

____

"There's no way she's acting all desperate for her boyfriend. I mean, I know she's obsessed, but—"

"Babe, they share the same exact brain cells. It's like if they didn't meet one day, they might die. I know Bridget has a crack in her brain, but Sunghoon? He's whipped like cake icing."

"Hoonie baby!" Bridget spotted her 6-foot-tall boyfriend and his friends roaming around the campus. She called his name, and like a magnet, he ran towards her, lifting her into a hug as they both giggled softly.

"I can see clearly now," I admitted, feeling a sudden wave of disappointment hitting my face because my mother never allowed me to date anyone. "Anyway, I'm happy for Bridget. They're the best."

"How's my princess?" Her boyfriend asked, cupping her face and caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"Aghh, that witch pissed me off."

"Miss Yang? Her brother starts acting the same as her... he's evil too," he said, laughing.

"Not like her. She always provokes him, pinching his nerves, and then he acts insane," Flora stated. I didn't know who they were talking about, but I was curious to know the whole story.

"Hello, gorgeous," an unfamiliar voice spoke as they tapped on my shoulder. When I turned, I saw him. "I'm Jake. Pleasure to meet you," he said, extending his hand for a handshake.

"Oh, hi... Jake," I said, extending my hand to complete the handshake. Instead, he turned my hand and gently pressed his soft lips against the back of it, making my cheeks turn red.

"Jake, seriously? Can you be normal for once? We're trying to make a good impression here," another man said, pushing Jake slightly. "Don't mind him, dear. He's just like that. By the way, I'm Sunoo," he said, smiling at me, and I giggled as I greeted him.

"Sunoo, you're doing the same thing," Jake yelled.

"What? I'm just greeting her. You're scaring her."

"Enough, both of you," another man walked between them, his hair cherry red. "I'm sorry on behalf of these two. They're just too excited to meet you. I'm Heeseung. Nice to meet you."

"Oh, I think I'm just a popular person among you all," I laughed, feeling embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed, babe. They're just like that," Flora said with a sarcastic edge.

"Yeah, way too excited. They've been talking about you in the dorm as well. I'm Jay," another one greeted.

"And I'm Niki."

"He's the youngest and the most mischievous," Bridget said, pointing to Niki, who just laughed.

"I'm Sunghoon, you already know... Maybe," Bridget's boyfriend said, his voice calm as Bridget remained in his arms.

"Yeah, your girlfriend talks about you a lot," I said, chuckling.

"Really?" He looked at her. "Maybe she just loves me too much."

"Yup, exactly," Bridget said, softly pecking his lips.

"Guys, these things should've done in private."

"Oh, don't be jealous, Jakey," she said as they all laughed.

"How was your journey from Seattle?" Heeseung asked as I exhaled deeply and replied.

"It was exhausting, but seeing them gave me an energy boost."

"Jay hyung is also from Seattle," Niki said as Jay nodded, his expression thoughtful.

"Oh," i exclaimed, my brows furrowing as a flicker of recognition crossed my face. "Wait... why do I think I've seen you before?" I asked, his eyes narrowing in curiosity.

"I was thinking the same," jay replied, a hint of surprise in his voice. "Are you the same girl from grade 5?" he said, his tone reflecting his own realization.

"Whoa, yes, I think so,.... Jay, you moved to Korea?" I asked, turning to Jay.

"Yeah, it was a great journey, but I didn't think you were the same person when I heard about you," Jay said, a smile playing on his lips.

"Same... you've changed a lot," i observed as my gaze softening as remembering our past encounters, we were kids thought

"Do you guys know each other?" Flora asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Yeah, we're in the same grade when I moved to Seattle, and he helped me a lot because I had no friends and I struggled a lot academically," i explained, "But eventually, he moved out a year later."

"Oh," Flora said, nodding in understanding.

"It's good that you both already know each other," Heeseung said, smiling warmly.

"Yeah, but that was only for a year, and we were kids back then. Honestly, I forgot a lot of things that happened back then," Jay exclaimed, chuckling lightly.

"Exactly," I laughed, feeling a sense of ease settling in as we continued chatting and getting to know each other better. I found myself really enjoying the company.

"Oh, have you eaten anything yet?" Jake asked, his voice laced with concern. Suddenly, my stomach growled, drawing attention to the fact that I had been neglecting my hunger for quite some time.

"Noo," I admitted with an awkward smile creeping onto my face.

"Moon, this is not good for you. You've just come here, and already you're neglecting your meals. Huh? This is so wrong; you should take care of yourself," Sunoo lectured me in a manner reminiscent of my mother whenever I skipped meals. Despite feeling scolded, I couldn't help but feel loved and appreciated by their concern. Each of them was so thoughtful, and I felt lucky to be surrounded by such caring friends.

"Oh, shit, how could I forget about lunch," Bridget exclaimed, holding her head in frustration.

"Because you only had eyes for Sunghoon," Flora teased, her tone playful yet teasing.

"Yeah, whatever... FLORA," Bridget retorted, her frustration evident as she playfully scolded flora. "You should've remembered this even if I forgot."

"Hey, don't come to me; you've said I need my vitamin peace and ran straight out of the office." Flora said, not losing any chance to backfire her with her replies.

"Hyungs, noona let's go and have lunch, and let them have their fight with each other here" niki said as i chuckled and before nodding my head.

"Okay, but let's not eat in the cafeteria and go to our favourite place" jay suggested, as sunoo replied

"Yeah please, I'm starving too and the food in that place is always so good"

"Were going, complete your fight and then come and have lunch together" sunghoon said as he walked leading all of us to the cars.

"Wait we are coming" flora and Bridget shouted from behind.

"Hurry up, I'm starving" I said chuckling over their behaviour.

"Bills on Jake because he flirted" heeseung said, laughing.

"I'm not the only one you both also flirted with her" Jake said, sulking as I just laughed.

･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

@moonbxbiee all right reserved. Do not translate or post my work anywhere without permission.

(Open) Taglist- @ineedcoffeeandtherapy @ilovejungwonandhaechan @wonkifangirl @jwonistic

#moonbxbiee #enhypen #enhypen smau #jungwon #jungwon fluff #jungwon hard hours #jungwon smau #yang jungwon #enhypen jungwon #jungwon enhypen #enha social media au #enha smau #enha #enha fluff #enha fanfic #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fluff #kpop smau #jay enhypen #jake enhypen #heeseung enhypen #sunghoon enhypen #sunoo enhypen #niki enhypen #moonbxbieejungwon #kpop #engene #writers on tumblr #smau

[cullen-by-choice]

Piping Hot

Series Masterlist

Carlisle Cullen x Fem!OC (Elise Dumont)

4/?

Warnings and Tags: Language, Arguments and Tension, Edward is Edward, Monsters and Talks of Peril

~~~

Elise was only trying to enjoy her cup of coffee at the diner in town. She leaned back, eyes scanning over her reading.

‘Vampires are creatures who hide from the sun, consuming all that they desire-‘

Ugh. Didn’t that sound romantic? Her mother had written poetry before, but this was covered in sap. The edges of the journal were blackened, flaky. The pages themselves were stiff. She idly toyed with them.

Hey. If it was something that was saved from the fire, it was well worth having. She shunned herself for not looking at the pages sooner…

It didn’t say too much after that passage. The words blended into hues of the charcoal on the page. Of course she’d have little to no information on top of everything.

Elise remembered her mother as clear as day. Kind, but strict. Forthright. Never told a lie- at least, she thought that until recently. Now Francine- her own mother- had told her a lie.

At least it was for a reason.

Her eyes scanned outside the window, taking a sip. Mike Newton stood just across the street, speaking with some tourists. It made sense, with his family outdoors store.

She took a sip. The gloomy skies promised no absolute rain, but it was threatening it. They towns people switched between walking with umbrellas, or braving it without protection. Groups of teens huddled together, shouting jovial taunts at eachother.

She often wondered what it was like to make friends easily. Elise had a good reputation around town. Everyone knew of her, spoke about her with high praise. They hugged her, or shook her hand.

But very few people knew her.

…

There were worse crosses to bear.

She rolled her shoulders back, glancing up at the ceiling.

The golden eyes from the other night reflected within the lamp above. Just as vibrant, bright. She felt held in that gaze- ready to either spring or fall apart. She let out a gentle breath, sitting upright again. Her fingers massaged her temple as she closed her eyes.

A burst of a chill reached her skin.

Of course it had to be thirty degrees during all this. The turning of the seasons always brought this sense of unease… or maybe she was overthinking it.

“Is this seat taken?”

Her breath choked her for a moment. Edward Cullen stood by her table. His expression was a blank canvas, and her anxious mind didn’t paint it beautifully. He looked annoyed- it flickered within his irises like a bell.

This can’t be good.

She cleared her throat, closing her journal, “I suppose not…”

He took a seat, floating in without disturbing a thing. Her fickle hope that he was simply going to borrow a seat and go away died.

“You’re Edward, yeah?”

“You know who I am.”

How polite. She fought a tempting frown, “I… I’m sorry. I do. I just wanted to confirm it wasn’t, like, Edwin.”

His brows frowned. She deserved it, of course— somehow she knew it would annoy him.

“It’s Edward. I don’t look like an Edwin.”

“You do drive a Volvo.”

“You’re paying attention to me that closely?”

Fuck. Way to back yourself into a corner, El. She shrugged, “I mean, you’re the only guy in town rolling around in a car that nice.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Sorry for observing.”

“It seems you’ve been observing me and my family quite a bit.”

Huh. She wasn’t as sneaky as she would hope. Elise cocked her head, “Making one observation is ‘quite a bit’?”

“I know you’ve been poking around. You don’t fool me one bit.”

What a weird place she caught herself in. On one case, she was absolutely studying the Cullens. On the other, it wasn’t for any nefarious reason.

Sure, she didn’t have her pride, but it wasn’t for evil.

“What? The most time I’ve spent with any of you has been if strings were in my finger, or this particularly awkward conversation,” she found herself snarking.

His lip twitched.

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means stay away from us. Stay away from my family- stay away from Carlisle. We don’t need you poking around after all we’ve been through.”

Poking around…?

“I’m sorrry if I caused any offense-“

“I’m sure you are.”

He ripped himself away from the table, slamming the table with his thighs as he walked out. Her coffee went topsy turvy, spilling uncomfortably warm brew all over her sweater. Most of the restaurant gaped, staring at her. Fuck! She dove to save her journal, moving it immediately to a safer, dryer area.

The first person to come to her aid didn’t surprise her at all.

Charlie Swan, the sheriff, came over with napkins. His eyes were glaring over at the door before handing the paper towels over to her. “Elise, what happened? Do you want to press charges against him?” His free hand rested on his belt, his fingertips caressing the handcuffs there.

Charges seemed a little extreme. While, technically, it could be considered some form of misdemeanor, she didn’t care. Let him throw his fit.

She wasn’t in the wrong…. Was she?

She shook her head no, stressing at the hopelessly stressed cotton on her.

The man griped for her, “That kid is so weird, I swear to God. What even happened? Did you kick his bowl of cheerios?”

“He thinks I’m stalking his family.”

“Odd, considering you’re the one working full time and I never see him do anything,” Charlie grumbled.

Wise enough to know when older men liked to complain, she shook her head. Charlie Swan was a steady sense of security in town. He was Bella’s father, after all. When she had went to school in Alaska, she thought Charlie would’ve fainted. He had been holding it together pretty well, all and all.

Speaking of…

“When is Bella coming back?” she asked.

The weathered man broke out into a grin, “About two weeks from now. It’s gonna be a hoot. I’m so glad she decided to take a semester off.”

Elise found herself grinning as well, for the first time in minutes. “I’m glad. I’ll finally have someone else to talk about books to instead of Billy.”

“You think he even listens-“ Charlie began to joke.

A significant thud broke out, commanding the whole restaurant back to a focal point. The action had went down outside, a circle of watchers observing the tension.

Pressed against a tree, Edward’s mouth snarled. Pressing his brother to the tree, Carlisle’s face was something she never had considered. His expression was narrowed, his glare alight with a sort of spark that meant trouble. He leaned into his weight, where his arm was pinning his sibling.

Jesus.

The two men glared at each other. The town of Forks stood on edge, watching the very proper doctor losing his cool on his own.

Edward made a shove.

Carlisle let himself be moved, stance still tense as he moved a fragment away. The two brothers stood at odds with each other with fury in their expressions.

The forest held its breath, silence greeting them all.

Edward then stalked away, swiftly walking out of the parking lot. Carlisle stood where he was, even as his sibling shoulder checked him.

That sense of rigidity was so…intriguing. She might’ve thought he was a statue before, but never did she think he was stone. Now she could’ve been fooled.

Carlisle finally let his posture relax.

She felt his eyes before she realized they were looking at her. Golden, with a dazzle of something unknown. He looked away just as quickly, leaving as swiftly as he could.

Charlie grunted as the crowd finally dispersed, “Man, people in this town are bored? With all these animal attacks going around, you’d think they’d skip on the family drama.”

“Animal attacks?”

“You’d know if you picked up a news paper,” the sheriff chastised, but he continued, “Animal attacks have been on the rise. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about going out in that forest alone like you do.”

“But there’s a patch of lavender that’s like, just a mile outside of my property-“

“A mile into danger at this point. At least try to have a companion with you, okay?”

Elise went to argue back- only playfully- when the still clean journal caught her eyes.

‘Vampires…’

‘Consuming all they desire…’

“… fine. I’ll do my best,” she conceded. Maybe she could talk Jacob into helping her out…

“You just make sure you keep clear of danger, Miss Dumont.”

“I’ll try.”

~~~

Tag List: @not-ellie

#twilight #at this point i’m just effervescent #fanfiction #cullen #carlilse cullen #carlisle #carlisle cullen #oc #x oc #Edward #god damn it Edward can you be nice

[astraystayyh]

hi :))

i just read the invisible thread part 2, after reading part 1, only to remember everything. i feel very soft and full right now thanks to what you wrote and how you write. i already said something when i reblogged the first part, but i couldn't think of something specific to say about to second, so i just reblogged it too with my 5star tag and left it there. but i do want to say thank you. i am having a very rough week for personal reasons and overthinking and those kinds of things teens like me suffer so often these days, but this morning i was lying in bed with horrible cramps and i remembered you had posted the second part to invisible thread recently, so i was willing to read it.

and i did, ofc. but the thoughts i have rn are like -i would say philosophical haha. i think the way you write helps people to understand the way they feel. i mean, i had this feeling all the time, like i should be screenshoting everything or at least being able to have the capacity of highlight some quotes like i do when i am rrading a book with my post its and my markers. all you write is absolutely beautiful, but this work you did with invisible thread will always live in my heart in some sort of way.

i am a firmly believer that we shouldn't accept anything that we don't deserve, but sometimes is hard to understand what we deserve when we are very caught up in our minds. the way you described how not only minho but also yn cared for each other, and how they learnt to be better and grew as individuals is truly admirable, and i think everyone should have the chance to read this once in their lives in order to understand a lot of things about love, and human behavior. i don't know how to say it or if i am explaining myself correctly. and even if it seems like i am crazy or something because is just some writting that someone wrote for fun to post here in tumblr, i can assure you for me is not only that.

i am in a time of my life where i am supposed to build my future self, and things like this (and quotes and thoughts i found on pinterest haha) really help me to create a world of mine where it is okay with having a bad day, or not knowing what to feel, or craving a real romantic conexion, or spending a whole afternoon procrastinating just because i didn't feel like going out and socialise. i really identify with yn, and i look forward to finding the comfort and refuge that she found in minho someday. meanwhile, you inspire me to practise so i can, somehow, somewhere in the future, get to write something as beautiful and deep as this was.

sorry for the rambling, feel free to not share/answer this, and have a lovely morning/afternoon/night ❤️‍🩹

hiii my love, thank you so much for sending in such a sweet message 🥹 i hope you're feeling better these days and I'm so happy i.t brought you some comfort :")) this truly means the world to me like I can't believe you think so highly of something i wrote ☹️ it genuinely makes me the happiest and i still can't comprehend it fully, so thank you for telling me this <3

take it slow, don't rush yourself to have it all figured out, it takes time and you need to be patient and gentle with yourself throughout it, even if you make mistakes and bad decisions, this is the only way in which we grow,, if you're kind to yourself then at the end of the day, everything will be okay, promise <333

#sahar's.asks <3 #stayconnecteed

[lgwilt]

WIP tag game

Rules: Pick five fragments from your unfinished WIPs and then tag five people to keep it going. Let’s have fun with it and help each other shape those fragments into published fics!

Thanks @insert-witty-user-name-here and @dewdropreader for the tags 💕 I’ve been meaning to confront the multitude of WIPs/fragments/incoherent half-finished sentences in my drafts folder (a chaotic jumble of fic + original works) - this has prompted me to finally start working out what I want to prioritise for 2023! (Urg, time management. Always such a challenge.)

Some self-indulgent fic fragments for various fandoms (Lokius, Life on Mars/Doctor Who crossover, Good Omens, Jack x Ten, Clone Wars) under the cut.

Variation on a Theme

AKA the in-progress Lokius fic that I’ve been distressingly slow to update 😩 Life keeps rudely getting in the way.

Longish fragment from Chapter 9 (ok I've only posted four chapters so far... but on a positive note, the final chapter is already written!):

“Thanks, Loki. Guess I wasn’t thinking this morning.” Overthinking would be more accurate. As usual, his relentlessly ticking mind had prevented him from getting more than an hour or two of fitful sleep.

He reached for the tie, preparing to go through the familiar motions of tying the knot, but his brain seemed to have decided to stop communicating with his hands. He felt sluggish, uncoordinated; his fingers moved frustratingly slowly, almost like they were numb with cold. Try as he might, he couldn’t seem to remember how to get the infuriating strip of fabric to resemble a tie, despite having done so thousands of times before. 

“Here,” said Loki, taking a step towards Mobius. “Let me help.”

“I’m fine,” he responded irritably, restraining himself (though only just) from swatting Loki’s hands away. He tried again, fingers fumbling with the knot.

“Mobius.” Loki’s voice was gentle, with no trace of his usual imperiousness. Mobius couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken to him with such kindness. To his shame, he felt tears pricking the back of his eyelids.

He surrendered with a slightly shaky sigh, lowering his hands. Loki moved closer, fingers skimming lightly over the hollow of Mobius’ throat and along his collarbone, pausing for a moment as though silently asking permission before slowly doing up the top few buttons of his shirt. Mobius shivered slightly at the touch, cool despite Loki’s gloved hands. It suddenly seemed unusually difficult to breathe.

Loki made quick work of the tie, but he didn’t draw back right away, humming thoughtfully as he brushed non-existent specks of dust from Mobius’ collar. 

The Man Who Wasn’t There:

AKA my in-progress Life on Mars/Doctor Who crossover. A foray into a classic fic genre.

Fragment from Chapter 4:

Sam noticed, with a strange sort of detachment, that his hands were shaking. He turned away and gripped the railing until his knuckles went white, staring out into the darkness as he tried to remember how to breathe normally. The night sky was completely black, inky and impenetrable. It took him a moment to figure out why this seemed odd. No stars, he realised. It was as though all the light in the universe had been blotted out…

“Earth to Sam. Do I need to call the men in white coats?”

“I’m fine,” hissed Sam through gritted teeth. “I just… need a minute.”

A Twitch Upon the Thread:

Fragment from the conclusion to my two shorter Good Omens fics, An Unexpected Meeting and An Evening Out. I wrote most of this back in 2019 (what is time), it "just" needs a few more scenes to tie everything together!

“‘Paralysing fear of existing forever’. Twelve letters. Ends with an ‘e’.” 

“‘Apeirophobia’,” said Aziraphale promptly, leaning over Crowley’s shoulder for a closer look. “And five across is ‘Gomorrah’, my dear, not… whatever this is supposed to be.” Aziraphale peered more closely at the crossword in a vain attempt to decipher Crowley’s carelessly childlike scrawl. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that one. You were there, after all.”

“Obviously I thought of Gomorrah,” the demon responded peevishly. “Didn’t look right. Five across should have an ‘s’ in it… and maybe a ‘t’?” Crowley squinted, turning the paper upside down.

“For Heaven’s sake, Crowley,” Aziraphale chided fondly, “you know perfectly well that the third circle of Hell is ‘Gluttony’. Now if you’d just let me tidy this up for you –”

Crowley vanished the newspaper in a puff of smoke and twisted round so that he was grinning up at Aziraphale – purely, Aziraphale suspected, to savour the look of indignation on his face.

Only the Dance

Jack travels with the Tenth Doctor post-Journey’s End. Adventure, flirting, angst. As you'd expect.

“A rescue mission?” This felt like familiar territory. “When do we start?”

“We’re already here.” The Doctor was bouncing on his feet and buzzing with energy, clearly impatient to get started. “If you’d stop lazing about and put some clothes on…”

“I was relaxing,” said Jack, rolling his eyes affectionately. “You should try it sometime.” He jumped out of bed, grabbing one of the identical shirts the TARDIS had helpfully replicated for him based on the one he’d been wearing the day he decided to skip town with the Doctor. (The Doctor had offered him free run of the TARDIS’ extensive wardrobe, but Jack had given up after several hours of rummaging produced an assortment of impractical garments such as a Pierrot costume, a Viking helmet, a 1920s sequined flapper dress, and an alarmingly vibrant multi-coloured coat). 

Well he couldn’t exactly leave now, could he?

Precipice:

Unsure about this one. I’ll admit I'm not hugely familiar with Star Wars fandom, but I do love Obi-Wan. I watched a curated selection of Clone Wars episodes a while back (recced by my sister) and couldn’t resist drafting an adventure romp with plenty of snark and a generous dollop of angst + hurt/comfort.

“If you have a better plan, Anakin, I’m all ears.”

The droids drew closer, heavy metallic footsteps reverberating through the winding stone tunnels and causing alarmingly large chunks of rubble to rain down from the temple’s ancient ceiling. The noise was deafening, like a stampede of banthas.

“Fine,” Anakin conceded gracelessly, crossing his arms over his chest in a familiar gesture of reluctant acceptance. “We’ll do it your way. But if we end up impaled on those giant spikes Windu told us about, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Master Windu, Anakin,” Obi-Wan reminded him, deftly Force-levitating a stone slab that had been a split second away from colliding with Anakin’s head. “And under such unfortunate circumstances, I very much doubt I would be in a position to say anything at all.”

--

I'm pretty sure the talented writers I'd like to tag have already been tagged, probably multiple times! (@mirilyawrites @cha-melodius @blackbirdofasgard), so this is an open invitation to anyone who stumbles across this and feels like giving it a go! I love hearing about other people's WIPs and the stories behind them 💕

#lokius #loki x mobius #life on mars #doctor who #tensimm #tenth doctor #sam tyler #gene hunt #good omens #ineffable husbands #jack harkness #jack x ten #clone wars #tag game #fanfic #wips

[praise-milkman]

quick typing brain hurty

:( i have had a lot of moments in life where i my family speculated if i had depression or anxiety clinically, but other diagnoses seemed off the table. My dad has ADHD and I was super shy as kid but also smart, but no adult ever seemed to consider maybe I had what HE had OR maybe ..... on the spectrum. i know screening tests only go so far, I am so far from being able to go somwhere to diagnose or anything.... and every description of masking from sources and other people sound JUST like me, and now I am confused how one is supposed to know if they are on the spectrum or have a level of autism if they masked their whole life?? I noticed i was answering screening questions with what I would LIKE to do or be, so I switched to my mindset of when i was younger and felt my stress honestly instead of internalizing it and seeing how it was not sociable.... and that kid needed lots of help. I'm better now but only cause I have to be and i GET SO TIRED of being "an adult". I feel like the same person i was when i was 12 just employed and stuff. i never gave myself the space to consider i was more than just a little anxious (never got properly diagnosed in that area, just a lot of sessions with school counselors..) so now i'm trying to do that and find information so i can stop punishing myself for habits and behaviors that might ...like not be my fault....

in my life, i have had an INTENSE fear of conflict and being wrong. just scrolling around tumblr a couple posts in the autism tag make me feel like i shouldn't even be there. one post said "functioning" labels are frowned upon, but I also looked at a users blog who was non-verbal and called themselves low-functioning, and had some posts where they were very frustrated with "high-functioning" people and how they talk about autism. i mean already i learned that the thought "i feel non-verbal sometimes" may be more like...selective mutism or something else regarding communication, so i am happy i am looking into it bc that's how i feel. but i noticed my fear of being incorrect crop up and i don't like drawing attention to myself but i am 24 and tired of just acting like i'm normal and that it hasn't been a roller coaster hell trying to be socially acceptable. i've tried self-helping my way through life with moderate results, i at least know it;s not for lack of trying and now i see the pattern in my thinking, depression, obsession over topics, and so many things, but guilt and a constant sense of imposter syndrome about EVERYTHING holds me back from being honest about my feelings sometimes and how much it sucks because i had friends sadder than me and less stability and friends with worse disability so by all acounts i am doing super well but even those friends would not want me to discard my own suffering in a game of unbalanced comparison.

i'm not super sure why i'm posting this but i have never really once allowed myself the space to be weird and wrong and just roll with the fact that we are all weird and wrong about stuff sometimes. i vow to never hold hate in my heart so i wonder why i can't just trust that/. why am i so hateful towards myself then. I want to just say out loud, I AM CONFUSED all the time pretty much now, I feel LESS HEALTHY now then when i was 19 but I am honestly SMARTER and MORE CAPABLE so that's why it's such a CONTRADICTION. I feel like i am doing alright but somehow OVERTHINKING more than ever. some of my anxieties and social confusions are getting more glaring as i get older to the point where i'm like... i thought i had this under control? I fixed this thing that was "wrong"? And then I read online...there is such a thing as COVERING UP versus "FIXING" and that BLEW MY MIND and has stuck an itch in my brain I cannot get rid of , it explains how i wasted my WHOLE childhood caring too much about things i didn't even have to care about. I was worried about everyhting all the time and felt weird, and processed things weird, and i Was smart but too anxious so i didn't pass that one GT test, my self esteem lived on rock bottom as a school kid and i thought that was NORMAL and i was just SELF AWARE ABOUT MY FLAWS.

So there's that. i need to just stick it out right? It's hard to accept yourself, when your concept of self-acceptance or self-love is skewed in the first place? Like apparently I'm not the best measure... of if I'm being nice to myself... because I'm not sure what nice to myself really is. I miss being 4 years old i think haha

#personal #autism #depresssion #eeesh im just tired of saying nothing about it #clearly it's not helping

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 13 - Flashbacks. Episode 3.

Evan: *I followed them inside, nervously fumbling at my shirt sleeve, quickly reaching the tv room with my eyes as we entered. But it was nowhere to be seen. The thing that was supposed to be in the pocket of the hoodie Andy was wrapped in. So where was it? Had Congo found it, or had I already moved it to a safer hiding place? I had just come by it the other day, and without much thought bought it. It had just felt natural, so for the first time since I started something with Andy, I didn't want to overthink things. I had just bought it, went home, but as Andy was home, I couldn't get to take it out of my pockets and hide it somewhere, while I could wait for the perfect moment to hand it over to him. But now… it seemed to no longer be in the hoodie? Was that why Congo had acted a bit weird? The thoughts were spinning round my head, and I didn't snap out of it till Congo stood in front of me, placing his big hands on my shoulder. Firmly.*

Congo: Alright, I placed Andy in the bathtub. And I also did us both the favour to place a toothbrush in his hands. *He smiled softly and gave my shoulders a few squeezes* Evan… how are you?

Evan: *I sighed deeply* I…. have no idea how to answer that question yet. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm certain about that at least.

Congo: *He smiled softly* Yes, about that… I found it, the ring. It fell out of the hoodie when I grabbed it. I pushed it under that chair *he pointed at one of the big leather chairs and smiled warmly* I don't wanna stick my nose too far ahead, but, as you know we do have certain rules of sharing at least the headlines with each other so we can always know what goes on, on both sides of our relationship. So I have to ask… is the ring what I think it is? And just to be clear, I would be more than okay with it if it was. *He smiled softly and looked at me with anticipation.*

Evan: Uh... *I glared backwards to see if the bathroom door was closed, and as I saw it was closed enough for Andy to not be able to hear anything I lowered my voice and answered in a shaky, nervous tone* Yes… I know we can't get married, as you two are already married *I frowned softly* but… I came by that ring… and… It just felt right. For the first time in my life. I didn't really think it through, so that's why I didn't tell you yet. I have had it a couple of days by now… but I just don't know when the right moment is? Life just seems to keep punching us in the guts, like tonight. *I frowned more* I just don't want him to look at the ring and be reminded of the night I crashed my bike, or the night you told me about the torture. I want it to be happy memory for him… he need more of those.

Congo: *He smiled softly* I can't disagree with that. However, I'm quite positive that you can turn any horrible day into a happy memory if you were to give him that ring. *He smiled encouraging and hugged me tight, padding my back a few times.* You have come such a long way Evan, I'm very proud of you. And I'm very proud of how strong you are, and how well you have dealt with everything after your parents were here, and now this incident tonight. We can always talk more about the thing with John, you and I… if you need to process it further? I have known for almost a year, and it still haunts me from time to time. I cant even imagine half of the pain John put him through, or half of the damage it did to Andy. But he is a survivor, and so are you. Even if you both can have days where you feel you can't even get out of bed. You will both get better, I have my faith in that. Andy is just a bit more complicated than you, due to what he suffered. But as long as we support him as much as we can, I'm sure he can bounce back from it all.

Evan: *I nodded softly and pulled away to light a cig* Thank you. *I blew the smoke out and couldn't help but notice Congo was observing my cig a bit too eagerly, so I gave it to him and lit myself a new one*

Congo: Thank you, I really needed that right now. *He sighed softly and smiled-* Evan, what I was trying to say was, I'm fully on board if you decide to hand him that ring… So don't worry about that at least, okay?

Evan: *I smiled in a 'thank you way, but then frowned softly* No, I guess all I have to worry about, is if he will even accept it.

Congo: *He frowned softly and shook his head* Normally I take you for a smart and confident guy, Evan… where is that person now? Of course he will accept it. You could serve it on a camel shit and he would still accept it. He loves you much more than I think you allow yourself to see. Evan, he is yours just as much as he is mine. There is no doubt in my heart he would accept it. You just gotta make peace with yourself, and the thought of being engaged to a man.

Evan: *I sighed softly and nodded* Yeah… I guess you are right.

Andy: *Suddenly he yelled from the bathroom* Congoooo!!

Congo: *Handed me the cig* Here, please take this… he still cant stand when I smoke. *He chuckled softly, and as he were about to head towards Andy he smiled at me softly* Now, find a proper place to hide that ring till you gather the courage to pass it on to him. I will be right back with our boy.

Evan: *I sighed softly and nodded with a small smile on my lips. And as I watched him enter the bathroom I quickly grabbed the ring from under the chair and hid it somewhere safe. I then let myself drop down on the bed, laying on my back as I noticed I still had two cigs in my hands. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by the smoke, and decided to kill both in the ashtray, just in time to hear Congo yell out my name... So I quickly joined them in the bathroom* Yeah, what's up?

Congo: *He was squatting down next to the bathtub, caressing one of Andy's hands softly* Andy was wondering if we could all 3 sleep together in the tv room tonight? He wanted me to ask, as he doesn't have the nerves to do it himself right now.

Evan: *I smiled softly at both of them and entered the room* Of course we can, Andy, you shouldn't feel bad about asking me for stuff like that. If you need both Congo and I tonight, of course we can make that happen. I just need to take a quick shower, I'm afraid one of the worst things that happened tonight was the fact that you rubbed a bit of puke off in my hair. So I'm quite smelly *I chuckled softly and caressed his mohawk gently* So if you can make room for me in there, maybe Congo could grab us some water and a blanket for himself while you and I wash up?

Andy: *He nodded softly, and I could start to see a little bit of hope in his eyes*

Evan: I'm not leaving, okay? I love you much more than that. Nothing you can say or do will make me ever want to leave you. Okay?

Andy: *He nodded softly and dried a few tears off his cheeks* Thank you…

Evan: *I shook my head softly* Never thank me for loving you, I do it for free. *I pulled off my shirt and my boxers, then pointed at the other end of the bathtub* I'm gonna come in now, just to warn you.

Andy: *Chuckled softly* That;'s not really a warning, but I do hope it's a promise *he never failed to bite his lips whenever he saw me naked, and it always gave me a fuzzy feeling inside. I was more than thankful he seemed to love what he saw.*

Congo: Alright, that's my cue to leave! *He winked at me and chuckled lightly* I'll go heat up some soup for all of us, at least Andy's stomach needs something light after the dinner escaped all over the lawn. And Evan, I think after a heavy talk like that, both you and I could need a boost of energy as well?

Evan: *I nodded agreeing and started washing my hair*

Congo: *He smiled warmly at both of us* I'll see you in the tv room 10 minutes from now.

Evan: *10 minutes later we were all tucked safely under two cozy blankets we shared, each paired up with a big bowl of creamy chicken soup. filling our empty stomachs. And I couldn't help but think, that despite all, it had been a pretty good evening. I couldn't deny that they both made me happy, well at least in my heart for now, stupid depression. I had a good life here, watching them both getting all lost in this nights sappy romantic comedy. Erkh, I had to admit, this one was even watchable for me. Andy had really brought out my inner softy. I chuckled to myself, and as they both looked at me curiously, I couldn't help but blush. That night we fell asleep cuddled against each other, all 3 of us. Life aint that bad after all, when you trap an Andy between a Congo and an Evan.*

#unicornmanes #Evan Thompson #Andycorn #Andy Shaw Thompson #Congo Shaw

[hisunfinishedsymphony]

i dont even know what to say . tws from tags below the cut . ignore this . / nf

pt : i dont even know what to say. tws from tags below the cut. ignore this. /nf

(there'll be no pt below i'm to exhausted, apologies)

i dont know what to say except i literally wanna die. this , me reaching out , was suppose to change shit man . i was suppose to come out the other side and laugh at myself for overthinking . to grow more trust in myself and my loved ones . to get over this stupid feeling in my stomach . i wanted this to be different so fucking badly . but of course i fucked it up . even if it was by complete accident and mostly just communicative , even if this silence lasts a day , even if it never comes up again , even if im overreacting , ugh . i dont care . im still so upset . im stil so enraged with myself and angry at myself and i just wanna bash my head into a wall . like why am i so fucking stupid . why am i so horrible at everything . i cant even be a girlfriend right anymore and now he probably like hates me forever or some crazy shit because i just suck that bad at doing anything ever . and i bet posting this comes off as me being an attention seeker too . add it to the list of reasons why i am the worst fucking person to ever walk the face of this earth . i dont even know what emotiosn im feeling . if they even have names or reasons . i just hate myself right now more than anybody on the face of this whole planet . truth is i kind of saw the reaction coming but i told myself it wouldn ' t happen and that i was being irrational . but i guess im always right . its not like theres a switch in my brain i can flip to make my affection go away . i dont wanna be alone . and i dont wanna be bad . and i never ever would hurt anybody on purpose . and yet here i am . fuck . im here and i wanna did like nobody ' s goddamn business and i cant stand myself for it . and ofc because tumblr is held up by two popcicle sticks , elmers glue and a singular baked bean i cant be a creep and look at his acc to satisfy the fears i get when i get a notification of his posting . i just find myself staring at our dms and wanting to light myself on fire . but i cant just say that . because im sick of scaring off the only people i have left . and you chat you probably think im crazy !! not in the " oh my wil teehee so crazy " way ive posted about . because when soembody acts crazy , everybody turns on them . forgets who their friends are . nobody likes a REALLY crazy person . a BAD cluster b . a DANGEROUS radqueer . sick and tired of sanitizing myself . im a bad fucking person . i am a bad person

that is just who i am .

just because im a bad person doesnt mean i wanna be a disobedient one though , yeah ?

whatever

bye chat and if you read this and dont hate me thanks or whatever .

oh and fyi this is all / exg and all that . please dont worry about me !! it ' s all gonna be fine im probs just overreacting lol !!! ok bye chat . sorry

#⤹ tw suicidal ideation !! #⤹ tw suicide mention !! #⤹ tw death mention !! #⤹ tw !! #⤹ / neg !! #⤹ vent !! #⤹ kitty yaps !! #tw #vent #tw vent #bpd vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui talk #tw sui implied #tw sui #tw death #tw death mention