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shyficwriter · 3 years

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Temporary Home: Chapter 7

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!)

Summary: Peter is determined to chip your shell away, but unfortunately, his attempts only seem to annoy you. He might need to step up his game, and by that he means recruiting Mantis, which backfires on him. This could be the start of a war, if Yondu knows what he's talking about.

Previous Chapter here | Next Chapter Here Or click here to: Start From Beginning

Author’s Note: I got a suggestion from @maribatshipper to add a scene where some actual raccoons get in the trash and Rocket finally sees a raccoon. I love the idea but I unfortunately didn't get a chance to add it to this chapter as it was finished before I saw the suggestion (I'll probably add it later, don't worry! lol) Anyways, it gave me an idea. What's some stuff you guys would like to see happen in this story? I do already know the direction of the story, but this could also be fun!

Word Count: 3,729

You were going to kill Peter. Probably Kraglin too.

It started maybe a couple hours after "the smelly incident," as you had mentally dubbed it, had resolved.

Peter got bored, found some old DVDs in the cabinet below the TV, and when he recognized a movie from when he was a kid, SpaceBalls, he managed to convince you to watch it with them.

He might have also quietly pulled the "unless you're too shy..." card for the thousandth time, and you might have told him it was getting old and he was working his way towards a black eye, but you did agree to watch the film with them. Peter had somehow convinced everyone else to watch the movie, too. Might have had something to do with the fact that no one exactly had anything better to do.

Kraglin sat at on one end of the sofa, Gamora on the other, and Peter & you were sandwiched in the middle, him next to Gamora and you next to Kraglin. Mantis, Rocket and Groot sat on the floor, while Drax and Yondu took the armchairs at either side of the sofa.

Only you and Peter got the Star Wars references, of course, but there were plenty of parts the others found funny even without it. Rocket mostly laughed about how Terrans didn't understand space at all if you thought that's how things worked, and compared Peter to the main character, Lone Star. He meant it in a derogatory way, of course.

At about the scene where Dark Helmet breaks the 4th wall with the line, "What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?" Peter had started to notice that you didn't laugh openly like everyone else. You always covered your mouth like you were trying to stifle it, despite no one else bothering to be quiet, least of all Drax, who laughed loudly at parts that weren't even that funny.

That simply wouldn't do. You should be laughing freely with the others, like you did when Kraglin and Rocket got tangled up in the hose, which was probably the only time he had seen a genuine full laugh from you, now that he thought of it. To him, this was evidence that he was right, you needed to break that shell of yours and learn how to loosen up.

Annnd... if that required a little mischief on his part... well then so be it.

He waited a bit, just to see if you'd eventually let yourself relax, but when you just kept biting your lip not to laugh and covering your mouth when you started to, he decided he'd 'help' you along.

The scene came on where Dark Helmet's men were combing the dessert with a literal giant comb, and seeing you trying to stifle another laugh, Peter decided to poke you in the side.

You tried to stifle your squeak and you glared at him, but he just shrugged innocently. Poke you? Never... Doesn't sound like him...

He spaced a couple more pokes within the next few minutes of the film, making you jump and hiss at him to stop. He grinned at you and whispered he thought you could use some help laughing, since it seemed you had forgotten how. The little shit.

You irritably whisper back, "That's not gonna work, I'm not-"

Peter rolled his eyes playfully and replied, "Yeah. Sure. Not ticklish. You've said. Too bad I don't believe you." He made to poke you again and you pinched him hard on the arm, which you admit was childish, but he deserved it for annoying you. He gave you a pouty look in response and then frowned when Gamora scolded him and told him to quit behaving like a child.

You sat back and thought he'd finally quit.

And he might have, seeing that it wasn't quite working as he hoped, but Kraglin, who of course noticed your flinching and the childish bickering between you and Peter, caught Peter's eye and they shared a look. He wanted in on the fun. Movie wasn't all that interesting to him anyways.

Five minutes later you received a poke from each of them simultaneously, making your arms clamp to your sides. You turn your head from side to side to glare at both of them. Quietly threatening to break their fingers if they didn't straighten up and just watch the movie.

Based on their expressions it was clear they didn't take you seriously, but they seemed to back off... for about another ten minutes. That's when they decided to poke you again and you jerked up off the sofa with a "That's it." and moved to sit down on the floor next to Mantis where you knew you were out of their reach.

Gamora smacked Peter in the arm for annoying you off the sofa, but no one paid much mind or reacted with more than a glance as they were paying attention to the movie. Well, except for Yondu, who had fallen asleep and was now snoring softly in his chair.

Peter was slightly disappointed that you hadn't been able to let your guard down, but he wasn't deterred. In fact, he was more determined to not just chip at your shell, but shatter it. There was someone who liked to have fun in there, and he was determined to find them and pull them out.

Thankfully, you were able to finish the rest of the movie unbothered. Rocket complained about the sappy ending where Lone Star and the Princess marry, but then Mantis said she thought it was sweet and he waved her off, grumbling about how she thought everything was sweet, or cute, or whatever...

After the movie you decided to go out to the shed and apply the varnish to the bed frame, and when you came back inside to wash some of the varnish off your hands you were startled when Kraglin snuck up behind you to poke you in the ribs. He dodged just in time to avoid being smacked and ran out of the kitchen, his giggles joined by Peter's in the hall.

You sighed, now thinking you should have taken more time in the shed with the varnish. Maybe cooking something would keep you busy enough, but what would you cook? Your first thought was that lasagna would likely feed everyone, but then you remembered the cheese and you were not about to have a repeat of that morning. You were sure the hairs inside your nose were singed-off forever.

You walk out the kitchen door to catch the men still giggling in the hall and they jump from the unexpected sight of you, probably thinking you had come out to properly smack them for deliberately annoying you. You look at them, unamused, and say, "Supper will be in about an hour if you want it. If there's anything else any of you can't eat you should probably tell me now."

Peter and Kraglin exchanged looks before Peter turned back to you and said, "If there is, we don't know it yet."

Kraglin nodded and added, "Not a lot of experience with Terran food, ma'am."

You cringe slightly at being called ma'am, but give a short nod. "Well, here's hoping I don't poison anyone again," you say, turning to head back to the kitchen. You are stopped when another poke to your waist makes you jump and you turn back with a hand raised to smack him.

Peter recoils with a laugh and says, "Just wondering if you'd like any help in the kitchen?"

You narrow your eyes. "Nope. Think you two better stay out here. Clearly can't trust you not to annoy me." You can hear their chuckles as you walk back into the kitchen.

Mercifully, they left you alone all through the cooking and eating of dinner, (you had decided to make a stew). Well, they left you alone physically, that is. Throughout dinner they kept attempting jokes, and it was obvious they were aiming them at you in an attempt to get you to laugh. Most of them fell flat, however, because most of the jokes Kragin told hinged on you knowing about creatures or other stuff not from Earth that you'd have not any way of knowing the context for to make the joke make sense. The others seemed to get the jokes and find them funny though, so at least they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Better than awkward silence any day.

Peter was able to tell a few jokes with Earth references that you could understand, but they were such old jokes that anyone who didn't live in a cave would have already heard them before they finished primary school, so you didn't really laugh at his either. You did, however, smile politely, assuming that they were only trying to be friendly.

After dinner you started to get ready to wash the dishes, and Gamora offered to help.

"No thank you, I've got them tonight." you say, taking the couple of bowls she had gathered and put them in the sink.

"You sure? You cooked for us, it doesn't seem right to let you clean up by yourself too."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to make a habit of it, just... some nights I like to have something to keep me busy, ya know?" You turn on the tap and start washing the dishes. You hated to admit it, but that boiler Fury replaced your immersion with had proven to be very helpful with eight extra people in the house. If you didn't know better you'd say it was magic. Somehow there was just always hot water. You willed yourself not to get too used to it, however. No one had said, but surely SHIELD was just temporarily loaning it until the Guardians finally were able to go back home. You couldn't imagine them just giving you an upgrade like that to keep forever.

"Ok," Gamora relented, not wanting to push it. She could tell you probably still needed a bit more time before you could fully relax. "Thanks for supper."

"Don't mention it," you say, not looking up as you sudsed a bowl.

Gamora nodded and walked out of the kitchen, passing Peter, Kraglin and Mantis on her way into the sitting room. They looked like they were conspiring something, but as a general rule, she didn't get involved in Peter's shenanigans. That meant that unless it was going to directly annoy her, or possibly injure someone else, she pretended not to notice.

She had been right, they were conspiring. Well, Peter and Kraglin had been, Mantis was just along for the ride. With nothing better to do, the two men decided they'd put their energy towards continuing to mess with you, however, it was clear that they needed to get smarter about their approach if they didn't want to risk a black eye.

So they deployed Mantis.

It didn't take much to convince Mantis to do it either. It literally just took Peter asking Mantis if she wanted to play a game and she agreed.

In truth Peter was testing a theory. He watched from the kitchen door with Kraglin as they sent Mantis in to do the poking while you washed the dishes.

She poked, you jumped and spun to face her, clearly thinking it was one of the guys, and then the irritation softened from your face as you realized it was her and all she got was a mild scolding. Mantis looked back and Kraglin encouraged her to do it again with an enthusiastic nod.

This time she fluttered her fingers at your waist from both sides like she had the other day, making you jump again, and, with what sounded suspiciously to the guys to be a poorly suppressed giggle in your voice, you scolded her again and shooed her away.

Theory confirmed. You couldn't bring yourself to try and smack her away like you had with them. Good. He could work with that. Use your soft spot for her against you.

This time they motioned Mantis to come back.

She meets them at the doorway and on her way out whispers, "Did I do a good job?"

Peter smiles, "Yes. You did great. Hey, I want to show you a trick..."

***

A bit later you walked into the sitting room and Mantis calls you over to the table, saying she wants to show you a trick.

She's sitting with Peter, Kraglin, and Gamora, and you walk over hesitantly, wondering if Gamora's presence meant you could assume you'd be safe from mischief or not, seeing as she normally swatted at or scolded Peter for being annoying.

Once you reached the table Mantis stood and encouraged you to take a seat. You pull out a chair at the end of the table and sit, only to be instructed by Mantis to turn and face her.

You eye her suspiciously and then turn to Gamora. "Am I going to regret this?" you ask, your eyes moving to Peter and Kraglin who sat across from her, shrugging and shaking their heads. You were sure you could only trust them about as far as you could throw them, but Gamora appeared to genuinely have no idea what Mantis wanted to show you, so you decided to just play along. How bad could it be?

Mantis instructed you to hold out your hand for her, and you did as asked. She then held your hand palm up and placed her thumb at the tip of your middle finger, and rested the tip of her own middle finger where the palm of your hand met your wrist, as if she were measuring the distance with her own hand.

She then released your hand and moved the hand she used to measure the length of your hand with to your knee, placing her thumb on your kneecap and lowering the tip of her middle finger to rest on your thigh above the knee.

"What are you doing?" you ask, suspicion and confusion in your voice.

Mantis looked up to meet your gaze. She smiled happily and said, "I'm distracting you for this!"

You raise an eyebrow but before you could wonder much about it she squeezed your leg where her middle finger had been resting, sending a tickly jolt through your body and making you jerk in your seat and your breath catch in your throat.

You grasp for her wrist to push her away, but then she just attacked your other leg with her other hand. "Mantis! No!" you squeak, squirming in your seat and flailing for her hands. Every time you'd grab for one hand, she'd free her other hand and send ticklish pokes and squeezes wherever she could reach.

She was was a little stronger and quicker than she looked, so it made the task of restraining her hands difficult for you. You did your best to hold back any laughter as you flinched and jerked from your torment. You could hear Peter laughing and telling her 'good job,' and Kraglin encouraging her to continue, which she did, happily giggling the whole time.

"Peter!" you half scold/half beckon.

"Yes?" he asked teasingly, folding his hands under his chin with a cheeky grin. Gamora rolled her eyes and tried to shake her head disapprovingly at him, but she couldn't help grinning. Mantis just looked so playful and it was honestly adorable.

"Will you-AEK" you squeak as she darted a hand and squeezed at your waist before you could stop her, "Will you make her stop!"

"Thought you weren't ticklish?" Kraglin said with a teasingly smug grin. "That shouldn't bother you at all then. I don't see a problem."

Gamora sighed with a smile at the two men. So that's what this was about. They must have put Mantis up to this.

"Dammit!" you jerk again as Mantis landed another squeeze above your knee. "I'm- I'm not- I'm-" you were having managing words, because each time you attempted, you were cut off by another poke or squeeze from Mantis, and you were afraid you would start laughing if you allowed yourself to talk through it. You were already having a hell of a time trying not to smile, and failing.

"I swear, if you actually say you're not ticklish right now, Pete and I will pin you down and prove that you are." Kraglin threatened with an evil grin.

"Kraglin!" Gamora scolded with furrowed brow, but her warning wasn't taken too seriously on account of the humor laced in her voice.

"What? She's the one being so stubborn she can't admit it!" Kraglin laughed. As far as he was concerned, you deserved it for fibbing. Plus, wouldn't kill you to loosen up a bit- you could be... well, scary... sometimes. Although it was kinda hard to think of you as scary at the moment while you were spasming in a chair as you kept trying to get a hold on Mantis's quick hands and a grin more than threatened to crack your face.

You could feel your cheeks getting warm, hating showing signs of weakness, but knowing you didn't have much choice at the moment. "Ok! Fine!" you cry out, still grappling at Mantis's hands and biting back any giggles that threatened to spill out. You knew when you were beat. It was pretty damn obvious that you couldn't deny being ticklish anymore, and you sure as hell weren't about to give them a reason to actually properly tickle the snot out of you. You wouldn't stand a chance.

"Fine... what?" Peter chuckled in a sing-song voice and leaned on the table.

You could kill him. "Fine! I'm ticklish, okay!? I admit it! Are you happy now!?" Just then Mantis managed to free both hands and briefly tweak your ribs before you got a grip on her wrists again, finally getting a short laugh to escape your throat as you spasmed in your chair. "Will you call her off now, please!?" Gods, this was embarrassing. You didn't know how, but they were so going to pay for this.

Peter and Kraglin high-five and Peter says, "Alright, Mantis, good job."

Mantis stood and clasped her hands, giggling and saying how that was so much fun, and you half-heartedly glare up at her before standing so you could get out of there, but not before turning to aim a glare at Peter and Kraglin. The jackasses.

When you turn back you notice Yondu leaning on the back of the sofa looking amused and you cringe, asking, "How long have you been standing there?"

Yondu folded his arms and pretended to think. "Hmm... Long enough to hear the boys threaten to tickle ya silly and then see ya fold like a cheap tent." Humor twinkled in his eyes and you wanted to melt into the floor.

You inhale and look to the ceiling, your cheeks burning. Your expression then turned mischievous. Vengeance. Now.

"Mantis?" you say, turning back to face her.

"Yes?" she answers, smiling wide and sweetly.

You put on your best, most innocent face. "Ya know, maybe you should do that to Peter. Or Kraglin. Why should they miss out on the fun?" Your eyes flick to the pair menacingly to see Peter looking at you like you just shot him.

Mantis giggles and goes to take your suggestion, bouncing to their side of the table. Peter bolted from his chair, saying, "Mantis- wait a minute!" and tried to run around the table, getting slowed down when Kraglin tripped him, mostly likely to save himself as he also stood to get out of Mantis's way, grabbing her by the shoulders and spinning her in Peter's direction when it looked like she was going after him. Unfortunately for Peter, he didn't get much further after Kraglin tripped him as Gamora effortlessly caught him by the arm and then laughed as she held him in place and he complained.

You turned back to Yondu with a satisfied smile and started to walk past him to leave when he leaned over to speak in a low tone as you got near. "Hope ya know that was a mistake, girl," he chuckled.

"What?" you say, surprised. Peter could be heard laughing and pleading with Mantis and Gamora behind you.

He grinned wider. "If there's anythin' I know about that boy, ya just declared war. An' if that ain't bad enough, now yer stuck in a house with him, and my first mate who ain't got nothin better to do."

"Ah." Your voice cracks, your eyes widening, nervousness creeping into your belly. "Well surely they wouldn't hold a grudge- I mean, they started it-"

He straightened back up and chuckled, shaking his head knowingly. "Jus' figured I should give ya a heads up. Do with it what ya will. Boy's partial to pranks when it comes to revenge. Might wanna be on the lookout for buckets of water above your doorways tomorrow. Or grease in your boots. That used to be Quill's go-to." Mirth glistened in his eyes and made you unsure if this warning was out of the goodness of his heart or if he enjoyed seeing the 'oh shit' look on your face.

You swallowed. Fuck. Just what you needed. A war. You decided it might be a good idea to get out before Peter could escape, or before Kraglin could decide to avenge his friend. "Well I'm going to go to bed now." Your voice was a little higher than you'd like and you could hear Yondu chuckling as you scarpered.

He knew it was more likely you were going to hide than going to sleep. It was barely dark out.

Yondu shook his head and walked to take a seat on the couch, still chuckling at the flicker of fear in your eyes when he told you that you had started a war. He switched on the TV and idly wondered who'd give up first. He'd gotten the impression that you wouldn't be one to back down, despite the nervousness present on your face.

You may have the advantage of being on home turf, but Quill could be relentless. More than likely you were fucked, but it'd be interesting to see how it all played out.

You might surprise him.

#gotg #guardians of the galaxy #x reader #peter quill #kraglin obfonteri #starlord #mantis #gamora #yondu #rocket raccoon #pranks #hijinks

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hyunjilicious · 3 years

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what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips.

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated.

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it.

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did.

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy.

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-"

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer.

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat.

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass.

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today.

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C."

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive.

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue.

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed.

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room.

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep.

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him.

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this.

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before.

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles.

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going.

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower.

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't.

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight.

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face.

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you.

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle.

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit.

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back.

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features.

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch.

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears.

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again.

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him.

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?"

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?"

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end.

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left.

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes.

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck"

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you.

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known.

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy.

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you.

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan smut

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y0ur-h0nor · 3 years

Text

High Achiever||Eric Cartman x Fem!Reader

[ Please do not post my writing on different social media platforms, if I end up finding you reposting or stealing and claiming it as yours I will have to rearrange your guts in your fucking sleep, I ain't joking so think before you act upon it.]

A/n: This was one of the stories I have in my book, I'll be posting them here I will also post another one tomorrow.

Fem! Reader

Kids often kept their distance away from you, not because you were a bad kid or anything like that it was pretty much the complete opposite.

You were a smart student and was a high achiever, always early never late, wore clothes that showed no skin and left nothing to the imagination, you wore these big glasses that made you stand out even more, although I'm not saying based on your looks your some obnoxious spoiled and cocky brat who thinks their entitled to everything because they have a 4.0 GPA no.

You always had wanted to rebel against your Mother, you were like her escape to a life she could never have had because she didn't get the chance to get a good education and was born on 'the wrong side of the tracks'.

You had no Father to defend you from your Mother who projects herself onto you, although you do have an Older Brother Micheal but he moved away when he was eighteen in an apartment of his own and off to a different state living a life you want to be apart of.

Don't get me wrong, You love and adore your Mother when all she cares about is you and not about some piece of paper that had numbers imprinted on but due to you adoring the side your Mother had long disappeared you often mistake the true side your Mother shows you thinking it was an act out of love and she just want what's best for you.

You're not naive, you know what she's doing but you're too afraid to rebel against her like your brother did because he was soon to move out anyways but you were only 16 and you had about 2 years left till your able to get out of the house and get a job without worrying of getting kicked out of the house and have to sleep on the streets, so till the time comes you just put on a fake smile and study your ass off to make your Mother proud.

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Looking down at the sink you lift you head up and see your face, mascara messed up, hair disheveled and collar unbuttoned.

Straightening up you grab some wipes from your backpack and wipe your face free of ruined mascara and went to get your comb from your bag, nodding and smiling at the girls who walked into the bathroom looking at you with concern and throwing away the wipe and returning your comb into your bag you button your blouse and adjust yourself ready to put up another fake smile and walk down the hallways.

Walking down the hallway, you try to grab your book from your backpack but since you weren't looking up and where you were going you had bumped into someone causing the both of you to tumble but if I was being honest you were the only one who fell on the floor hence why your glasses went flying.

"Hey! Watch where your going!" Someone says.

"Are you okay?" A boy questions picking up Y/n's glasses and handing it to them, as he helps her with picking up her things and handing them to her.

"She's the one who bumped into me!" They yell again.

"Shut up Fatass!"

"Hey! I'm not fat you fucking Jew!"

He rolls his eyes.

By the way they talk to each other and by the nicknames you could already tell, lifting your head you look at the two argue they were Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman one of the members in Stans friend group which was only consisted of Kenny Mccormick the schools playboy, Stan Marsh the captain of the football team, Kyle Broflovski a member of the basketball team and Eric Cartman...uh..just Eric Cartman you didn't interact much with him and you basically don't know anything about him (even if you knew him since 4th grade) but that was just about it.

Sighing Kyle rolled his eyes and stood up dusting himself off, offering a hand to the girl on the floor she takes it and stands up putting on her backpack.

"Thank you." She says adjusting her glasses.

"It's no problem." Kyle says.

"It sure is a big problem! She bumped into me." Cartman yells.

Kyle could only cross his arms and rolls his eyes "Sorry, I wasn't really looking where I was going." She says fumbling with the sleeves of her sweater.

"Tch, Let's just go Kyle." he says walking away, disappearing in the sea of students

It had been a week after that little encounter and you had started hanging out with Kyle, you guys often would be seen together studying in the library either for a test or doing homework together, occasionally helping each other with any difficulties the other has.

What they don't see is the two of you getting to know each other much more, Kyle knew your Mother forces a projection of her younger self onto you and things others never knew about you and that goes the same with you and things about Kyle.

Being friends with Kyle had opened you to much different things, you began exploring your appearances and had opened up to other people, like Wendy and Bebe they first thought of you as a smart stuck up bitch and you thought of them as Girls who stab people in the backs who talk shit about others but all of those had cleared up between you guys and you were seen out more and smiling.

At home you argued to your Mother more often about your choice of friends and how they're "Bad influences" to you and their just using you for your smarts but you knew better to believe her and her words and if you did she'd have a much harder grip on you and manipulate you into doing her bidding for her, you pitied your self truly having to do your best to accomplish your Mothers broken dreams that she wasn't able to fulfill.

You were rebelling against your Mother, you wore clothing that your Mother dubbed "Inappropriate" even if it wasn't that much revealing and wore bolder makeup, you also wore contacts and discarded your glasses.

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You were walking down the halls to your locker when you saw Eric exit the boys bathroom and wiping his mouth with his jacket sleeve and leave to go to the cafeteria, guess he didn't see you..

But suspicion grew into your head Did he vomit? Was he sick? The thoughts began piling up into your head as you swirl in the sea of thoughts that bothered you, you weren't one to pry into peoples lives but you were always one for curiosity "curiosity killed the cat" Well, your no cat so maybe this once...

Kyle decided to introduce you to his group of his friends because he thought it would be nice to see you get along with his friends (and Cartman) because you were now his friend too and he didn't want anyone being left out because he hangs with you guys separately and it's also about time they add a girl to their group.

"Now, be nice." Kyle warns his friends.

"Who are we meeting anyways Kyle?" Stan says from his spot on Kyle's couch, Kyle had planned to invite the guys over at his house first then invite you so you guys can meet and go outside to hang out at the mall.

"A friend of mine don't worry, I can guarantee you'll like them." Kyle reassures.

Cartman only copied Kyle's words and said in in a mocking tone Kyle could only glare at him before diverting his attention to his phone when he receives a text from Y/n.

He stands up and warns his friends before opening his door to reveal the girl standing at his front door with phone in hand, the boys from the living room went to see who it was only to be greeted with the school's nerd they thought it was someone else but alas it was her alright.

Her bouncy (h/c) hair free from being tied up into the usual ponytail, bits of her hair dyed (f/c) and her make up free face is decorated with makeup, eyeliner, mascara, blush and etc. bringing out her natural beauty even more and her being rid of those horrid glasses and instead replaced with contacts that bring out the shine in her (e/c) eyes.

And the clothes she wore were not her usual baggy clothing were replaced with a white tank top and jacket just zipped above her abdomen, black jeans, black boots and a choker decorating her neck to match she wore a pair of silver earrings.

The Boys thought they were dreaming but the girl in front of them was 100% Y/n Thompson "Did you sneak out again and not ask Mrs. Thompson?" Kyle asks, Y/n always had to sneak out of her house because her Mom didn't agree with her hanging out with a bunch of "bad influences."

She could smile sheepishly at him and fiddle with the straps of her backpack Kyle sighs and just gives her small smile he gestures her to go inside to introduce her to his friends, he closes the door and he clears his throat his friends were obviously staring for to long and it made Y/n more uncomfortable "Guys Y/n , Y/n Guys." He gestures to his you and his friends Stan waves at you whilst Kenny and Eric just stood there.

"So Y/n is a total babe now?" Eric says snickering.

"Cartman!" Kyle screams which results to Eric laughing fully.

Y/n could only giggle which caught the boys attention Kyle only sighs and rubs his neck, opening his mouth to speak "I wanted to invite the four of you guys so we could go out together and go to the mall, maybe play in the arcade and maybe go to watch the new movie that just came out." He says.

The three boys looked at each other as if they were talking in silent communication "I'm down." Y/n says smiling.

"Then the mall it is." Kenny says, everyone cheers before the boys gathered their things and went to leave Kyle's house and walk to the mall to hang out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There will be a part 2 to this story so you guys should stay tuned for the next part.

Anyways, like my writing? Consider following! o/

#South park #South park x reader #south park fanfiction #Eric Cartman #Eric Cartman x reader #Kyle Broflovski #Kenny Mccormick #Stan Marsh #fanfiction #imagines #headcanon #x reader

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unprofessional-bard · 3 years

Text

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. I

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW for homophobia, homophobic guy gets kicked in the balls. mostly angst: tense situations, back story reveal (hints to disturbing cult activities/religious trauma??). smut: vulnerable/desperate sex, reader and joel being in love and soft w each other.

Summary: The reader and Joel unintentionally get more tangled up with Kiki and Ward –going on patrols, doing town duties with them etc.– which leaves the reader frustrated.

Word Count: 7.060

Author's Note: I feel like I proofread this 500 times but my apologies if it still sucks 😭

Enjoy!

"I think we earned a small break, don't you think so, Captain?" Kurt extended a beer bottle to you.

"I guess so, colonel," You offered a vague smile and reluctantly took the bottle from him.

"Oh, c'mon, cheer up (Y/N)!" Kurt put an arm around you and chuckled ironically. "It's the 4th of July..."

"Sure," You patted his back but appreciated his enthusiasm nevertheless. "It just doesn't sit right with me that all these other people in the QZ don't have the- the luxury we have."

"Oh, I know," Kurt let his arm go and nodded bitterly. "It ain't just, but there's not much we can do."

You nodded as well: "Well, be back in 5, gotta go piss."

Kurt laughed heartily and waved his hand at you as you walked away from the open area to wash your face, hoping to wash away the guilt as well. It was your first time in a different QZ– Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to be more specific and you weren't exactly having a good time. A big part of your company was wiped out, which had ultimately triggered your survivor's guilt. The situation was out of your control when hunters, bandits and a surprise horde of infected got involved; everyone acknowledged how there wasn't anything you could do, except for yourself. It had been 5 years into this apocalyptic mess, yet you still had trouble adjusting to it... but then again, no one ever really did.

When you reached the shared toilet areas, there were only three cabins. One was occupied, one was completely empty without the toilet itself and the other was simply too dirty.

You heard heavy breathing from the occupied cabin, and instinctively decided to knock on the door to make sure the person inside was alright: "Hey, is everything..."

The moment you knocked the second time on the door, it opened just a smidge to reveal two men kissing, which made you gasp loudly and step back while alerting them.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry–"

"Oh shit–!"

You went to close the door, but immediately decided to turn around in panic, thinking: Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"I'm really sorry! I just wanted to use the toilet since the others are, well– Uh–"

"Fuck, what are we going to–" You heard one of them speak, panicked.

"Relax, it'll be fine," The other one reassured.

"Look, it's uh–" You tried again, slowly turning to walk out of there. "I wasn't here, we never saw each other, okay?"

"No, wait!" You felt a ghostly hand on your arm, but he didn't grab it, just tapped once to get your attention. "Please, you can't tell anyone!"

You raised your hands up mid air to do a stop gesture, trying to get him and his partner to calm down: "No, of course I won't!"

"Wait," The other man with blue eyes stepped out of the cabin. "You won't? You don't mind... us?"

"Mind you? It's none of my business to begin with," You assured both of them. "What happened here stays between us– hell, I wasn't even here as we speak."

"Thank you," He smiled and saw the way he clung onto his partner's –whom you noticed had hazel fleeing to green eyes– hand with his fingers. "Most people around here don't... appreciate us."

You nodded bitterly, a small, sad smile on your face: "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something for the both of you–"

"What's going on here then?" A deep voice called from behind you, when you noticed a little too late how the man with green eyes' expression shifted to one of fear.

You turned around to meet a face you weren't familiar with: "Why do you wish to know?"

"Why do I wish t–" The guy gave you an incredulous look, interrupted himself and asked. "Identify yourselves."

"Corporal Robin Lazewski," Said the man with the blue eyes.

"Sergeant Cole Doxon." Green eyes followed.

"And you, missy?" The man stood before you at arms length with a sneer.

"Captain," You corrected him. "(Y/N) (L/N). Who might you be?"

The man's sneer disappeared when he realised your ranks were the same, but he still looked displeased: "Captain Phillip Moore. Now, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?"

The question was more directed at Robin and Cole rather than you, and you knew why, so you stepped in: "Nothing that should worry you, Captain."

"Oh, but I know what's been going on. Had my eye on you two for awhile now enough to know exactly what type of people you are."

"These men are from my company, Captain," You intervened again, lying through your teeth without thinking about the consequences. "If you have a complaint, we can gladly take this up to Colonel Kurt Greenwood, as he is our superior."

The name made Phillip take a step back, clearly making him nervous: "Tsk, no thanks. Don't need to get more involved with your kind."

"If you wanna say something, mister, go right ahead," You growled and took a step forward, risking the possibility of a few days of detention without hesitation. The tension thickened, and thickened, and thickened then finally...

————

"Woah, wait, you just lied out of your ass to him?" Ellie suddenly interrupted you.

"Yeah," You sighed. "If he knew that they were actually from Pittsburgh I would've been... fucked."

"Shit," Ellie sighed. "Guy didn't even know his own soldiers... and then?"

"He said a few unkind words about them, and, well, I kicked him in the balls."

"Are you serious?" Ellie's eyes grew wider, beginnings of a laugh bubbling up in her chest.

"Hell yeah," You offered her your first smile the whole time you'd been lying in your bed together. She came to visit you for the evening, which was no doubt Joel's idea but it was nice of him of course, and ultimately decided to stay the night like you both did from time to time. Your husband, on the other hand, went to stay over at Tommy's to give you both some space.

"Dolly, you were both awesome and out of your mind! What if he caught you? Did they find out?" She asked, squirming where she laid.

"I got away with kicking him at that moment, got the boys out of there and went straight to Kurt." You put an arm under your pillow: "Told him we had to make a transfer, explained the reason. He got mad at me, sure, but he had some connections in the QZ. Later on the guy made a complaint about all of us, but all Kurt said was: Maybe you should worry more about the people suffering in the QZ rather than two people kissing. Maybe then, you can control these uprisings."

"Man," She giggled. "I wish I met Kurt– all of your team. You all were so fucking cool."

You gave her a crooked smile, the pains of your old wounds hurting as if they were new: "He was right, too." She gave you a curious look. "There are more important things people should worry themselves with rather than town gossip, like survival and keeping Jackson running."

Ellie averted her eyes at your words: "Yeah..."

"Look, I may not have the same fierceness I did when I was 25, but that's never going to stop me from kicking someone's balls if they disrespect you." She huffed a brief laugh at your words: "Jokes aside... You know, you can tell Joel, right?"

"Ugh, I don't wanna think about it," She groaned and turned to the right, face directed at the ceiling.

"Take your time. I'm not saying you should tell him, just letting you know that you can, if you want to."

"Sure, thanks..." She stared at the wall for awhile, the moonlight shining directly onto her beautiful features. After a while, she said: "I don't feel like he's being too honest with me, actually."

Your heart skipped a beat at her words: "How do you mean?"

She took her time with her reply: "He ever talked to you about what happened? Before we got here?"

"Not much."

"What about my... immunity?" Her eyes shifted to yours.

You felt like a piece of shit lying to her, making the burden on your shoulder get heavier. The bed felt like it could swallow you when you spoke nonchalantly: "Again, not much. Told me there were a dozen or so more immune people, that they ran some tests and–"

"Yeah, he took me out of there. Unconscious." She sighed and you felt like your uneasiness was showing, but actually you kept your composure. "Do you really believe that?"

This time you took a bit long to answer, walking over the minefield with careful steps: "I'm... I don't know, I'm not really buying it." She gave you a worried look: "But it isn't my business to interfere, either. I really don't know what to tell you."

Ellie just nodded and continued staring at the ceiling afterwards: "I just wish..."

"Yeah?"

"Nevermind."

You nodded, glad the conversation didn't go where you thought it would, relaxing into the mattress: "I heard Tommy brought you one of the comics you were dying to read."

"Yeah," She quietly took a deep breath.

"And? D'you like it?"

"I did actually," She seemed more enthusiastic than a moment ago, which made you relax even more. "But there was another cliffhanger! It wasn't the final volume!"

The next morning Joel stopped by briefly to get his stuff for patrol, kissed you goodbye while you were having breakfast with Ellie, then left. That's when she spoke up: "So? What are we doing today?"

"We?" You raised a brow.

"I got a day off, and you look miserable," She commented. "Not about to let that go to waste, so..."

"I was just planning on lying down for a bit."

"You've been lying down for ever, it's time you did something else!"

"Ellie I really don't have the energy for– for anything, right now." You sighed and helped her with the dishes.

"So... you also don't have the energy for the new game Jesse brought?" She side eyed you, offering a mischievous smile.

You hated feeling like this, not being able to do things with people you cared about because you simply couldn't. Everyone was understanding, of course, but you hated how this feeling had become a part of you overtime; way before you had reached Jackson, and before the death of your family. You even found comfort in it to a certain level, but if you could, you'd gladly get rid of it with a single snap of your fingers.

"I'd like nothing more honestly," You wiped your hands on a small towel on the counter and looked at her: "But we'll see, you know how I get."

If there was someone who helped you get back on your feet as quickly as Ellie and Joel, it was Maria – and Tommy.

But sometimes you really doubted if Maria truly was a maker of right decisions.

It was your first patrol with Ellie where you two went outside, very much like the patrols you took on, but it was still a bit new for her. She wanted to get involved with the patrols sooner than Joel liked: She's too young, it's too early for her, he'd say, but even though it's no age for her to be even seeing the stuff she saw, going through everything she went through, you were on Ellie's side on the matter. She was capable of handling patrols with you, or Joel and others; she was also more skilled than all the kids her age, but a part of you also wanted to keep her safe behind the walls of Jackson.

After a lot of reasoning with Joel, you had managed to convince him and were on your way to start the ski lodge route with Ellie. Maria had told you you'd be meeting with a couple of other people to do a sweep afterwards, but she was hesitant to tell you who. You knew something was afoot, for Maria never was a person to mince her words; it initially gave you an idea about who might be waiting for you, but at least you had Ellie to help calm your nerves. You hitched your horses at the entrance, then walked through the doors. Your jaw clenched and your posture visibly tensed when your theories were proven right and you saw who was inside.

Kiki and Ward.

You internally cringed when you made eye contact with Ward, who was... talking with Joel?

What the fuck is going on?

"'bout time!" Tommy appeared out of nowhere, startling you. "You're half an hour late, we were startin' to get worried."

"What's going on?" Ellie spoke instead of you.

"Well, we'll be heading back," He patted Ellie on the shoulder. "While the others'll do a sweep."

"But we just got here?" Ellie protested. "I thought Dolly and I–"

"Yeah, Tommy, what the fuck?" You whispered and stepped closer to him.

He huffed, it was his signature I'm just gonna put it out here so listen carefully stance: "Maria asked that you solve the issue between you and Ward."

"She didn't ask me shit, Tommy, just told me to get my ass over here. Without a heads up." You sighed and he gave you an apologetic shrug: "She's right, but is patrol really the right time for this?"

"Just shake hands and try to get along, you're partnered up with him."

Your eyes widened: "Tommy–"

"It'll be fine, (Y/N), don't worry." He said reassuringly. "Walt and Bruce went over to the back, you can fetch them and start. C'mon Ellie."

She squeezed your hand in an encouraging manner and followed Tommy out. You rubbed your face and ran a hand through your hair, then finally turned and walked over to the three: "Alright, I'll go get Walt and Bruce, then we can go."

"Sure," Joel offered a small smile and got up from where he was sitting with Kiki, but Ward remained seated with his arms crossed. You took it as an indication to wait for the others to leave so you two could finally talk.

"Well..." You said awkwardly.

"I'm sorry for punching you," He said, straight out, without dwelling on anything. "I get ahead of myself sometimes. I can't really control it when I get angry, I– I never knew how to. It was my only way to survive... and protect Kiki."

You blinked several times at how genuine he was, even his hard expression was softened to some point: "It's, uh– it's okay. Thank you, and sorry, for your nose I mean. It was a reflex."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," He nodded and got up, towering over you, then extended a hand over to you. "We're good?"

"Sure, 'course," You nodded and shook his hand. He pursed his lips and walked out, leaving you a little stunned. You immediately sighed in relief and made your way to the back room, where your memories of fucking with Joel resurfaced and made you smile a little.

"Alright, c'mon you guys, let's go–" You walked into the room and right then, you heard panicked shuffling with a gasp. When you understood what was going on, you immediately stepped back outside: "Oh, woah–."

Were they making out?

If you were honest, you saw it coming, but it still came as a shock. You debated on whether you should leave or stay, but when you heard the panicked voices from inside, you stood there, waiting to apologise as soon as they walked out. It was Walt who opened the door first.

"Dolly– Listen," He was calmer than he sounded back inside. "You... I mean..."

"Look, let me just say this: It's none of my business, and I won't tell anyone, so... It's okay. We can pretend this never happened."

He blinked, a bit dumbfounded: "You don't mind?"

"Walt, of course not. As I said, it's none of my business."

It was then, when Bruce walked out shyly: "You seriously won't go tell anyone?"

At that, you chuckled and looked away, your eyes watering at the memory of Robin and Cole you had told Ellie: "You guys are safe with me– in Jackson. I know some people aren't very open minded here, but just know that you have my support."

Walt suddenly hugged you tightly. You took a second, but immediately returned it with a gentler one: "It's okay."

"Thank you (Y/N)," Bruce smiled sincerely.

"It's the least anyone can do – show basic human decency," You said and smiled back after Walt pulled back. "Come on now, we're already late."

The three of you acted as if nothing happened, but the couple couldn't help the smiles spread on their faces.

"Alright, Doll," Joel began explaining once you stepped to his side to get on your horse. Tommy and Ellie were long gone: "Maria asked us to show 'em how we do our patrols..."

"But?" You already didn't like how Maria picked you two for them, so you scrunched your face up lightly.

"You'll be going with Ward, I'll be going with–"

"Kiki." The name left your mouth with clear discomfort. Joel huffed at your worrisome expression and rubbed your arm soothingly.

"I rightly don't know why we're even assigned with them," Joel kissed your temple gently. "But it'll be fine, sweetheart. C'mon, we have places to cover."

You gave his hand a light squeeze and tried not to look as troubled as you felt inside when you both rode up to the couples, then went separate ways. You were quite surprised Ward actually let Kiki go with someone else– with Joel, but you kept it to yourself.

"So, I presume Tommy or Maria, or someone must've filled you in on how patrol works?" You began once your horses had slowed down the long path.

"Sort of, yeah. Joel and Tommy explained how logbooks work."

"Well, I'll start of with three things you must stick to, then– always. One: Stealth is key to everything. Keep quiet and don't draw any attention to yourself. Two: Your partner is technically your life support. You don't leave them behind, but back them up when they get into trouble and plan routes or approach tactics together. Three: If you come across anything you can't handle– anything at all, you bring your ass back to town."

"Yes ma'am," It was the first time you saw him offer the smallest smile, which softened his hardened features.

For awhile, you rode quietly, until he asked: "Say... Where you from?"

You raised a brow at his question: "Well, would you believe me if I said I don't remember?"

"How is that possible?" He tsked.

"I– I don't know," You chuckled with a hint of bitterness. "I only remember moving to San Francisco with my parents when I was... Around two?"

"Oh so you're a Californian..."

"Well, I suppose. What–" You saw the weird expression on his face: "Where are you from?"

"Idaho."

"Oh, and you're a potato farmer!"

You both shared a chuckle when he continued: "I wish that was the case. Would've traded everything to have been a potato farmer my whole life than..."

"Than what?"

"The shit I went through ever since the world fell apart."

You shrugged: "Don't we all?"

"I don't know about you, but none of those people in there –except for Kiki– would've preferred living as farmers..."

"What are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, broke eye contact and his whole stance changed. It took him a few silent moments, but he spoke eventually: "When the infection took over, a small church in our town offered food and protection to everyone there. They barricaded the whole town in a short time, a lot of people died in the process, but we actually made a safe environment– not as strong and well protected like here, though. The infected weren't occupying that part of the city too much, either, so we just made decent living... But in time, the priest of the church started controlling the community. In months everyone was on their knees praying– beggin' for forgiveness for their sins so that they survive this shit..."

"Oh..." You flinched, feeling sorry for him, your heartbeat picking up in worry. You were also unintentionally expecting him to get this story somewhere, pull out a gun and shoot you, or stab you with his knife– you were expecting an Axel case. They might have come all this way just to avenge a loved one who you might have killed, and even though your mind screamed that the scenario had no way of making sense, you still kept your hand on your pistol which was strapped to the side of your thigh that he couldn't see.

"It was fucked up, and I was young, I had no choice but to follow my parents... They died years later and that was when I met Kiki. She was so pretty, and– and kind to me. I really liked her, we were around... 18 and 20 at the time, I think. She helped me mourn my parents, we made really good company. Soon I realised I was falling in love with her."

Hearing these words from him freaked you out a little, if you were honest, because they didn't look very in love; but you were also curious about what the hell had happened to them.

"A year or so later we, uh– Understand this, we had to keep it a secret. If the priest didn't see a couple fit, they'd get punished, but if he did, he'd force them to... Have children, to– y'know."

You couldn't hide the disgust on your face, but he was too focused on somewhere else to notice it, the sorrow and trauma on his face making you feel bad for him.

"We didn't know if we were more scared of the punishment, or Kiki getting pregnant– neither of us wanted a child, we were so young..."

For a moment he looked guilty for saying that, but when you reassured him that you understood, he still looked guilty and regretful: "Naturally."

"Not too long later people started picking up on what type of relationship we had. One time one of the priest's..." A suden wave of rage washed over him– He spat out the next word: "Whores, caught us hugging each other, then we were brought before the priest. He didn't see us fit because we didn't take anyone's permission to get together."

Your brows also drew closer in anger as you listened: "I'm really sorry you two had to go through that."

"It doesn't matter, it was long ago; we escaped, and now we're here," Ward suddenly fixed his posture, looking thoughtful and upset at the same time. The conversation had come to an end.

"Listen, if you ever wanna talk to someone," You spoke hesitantly. "Our head doc Katherine holds weekly, uh, conversations," You couldn't bring yourself to say therapy, even though he'd find out sooner or later.

"I don't– I don't wanna talk about it," He huffed angrily and side eyed you where he sat.

"You seem like you need to, is all I'm saying," You ran a hand through your hair, wiping some sweat off your forehead in the meanwhile. "It's okay to do that, y'know."

"I don't need it!" He growled and turned his head towards you in a harsh motion. "I don't need your– stupid conversations–"

"Hey," You pulled on the reins in your hand, hard, and came to a stop. He mirrored your movements when you growled back: "Those stupid conversations actually help people. They saved god knows how many townsfolk, and participating in them doesn't make you less of a man."

"That's not what this is about."

Sure you wanted to counter, the look of offense in his face telling you everything you had to know, but kept your tongue: "I just suggested you could go, nobody's forcing you to! Keep it in the corner of your mind if you want, I don't care what you do."

With that you started riding again, missing the look of regret and worry on his face. When he reached your side a few moments later, he spoke quietly, softer: "You're right, I'm sorry."

You nodded: "Try not to take things personally, we're not your enemies. We're just trying to help."

The rest of the ride was quiet, but the good outcome of both you and Joel's pairing with the couple unfortunately had a bad outcome for you. Maria asked you and Joel to be patient and stick to them for a month or so– at least until they start to really fit in. You had to accept, thinking of how when you first came here Walt had switched his partner's because he was the first person one to get along with you.

The problem was, you weren't exactly getting along with them, or Kiki more precisely.

You didn't know if it was because of your pride or your reluctance to make a scene about it, but you kept quiet about your suspicions about how Kiki undeniably took a liking to Joel. When you subtly asked a question about how Kiki behaved on patrol, he nonchalantly explained how she picked up pretty quickly and appeared to be a much more normal person; but you left out the bit that whenever you or her husband appeared, she'd hiss like a cat.

Maybe you were simply jealous that a pretty woman like Kiki was hitting on Joel, even though you never doubted his intentions for a second. He seemed very oblivious to her and your hints at what you wanted to say, and that was pretty much your only way of finding comfort.

Ward, on the other hand, always looked at the brink of a breakdown when it got too quiet between you two. Joel also asked about how he was whenever you discussed the pair, and when you mentioned their background and how troubled he looked ever since, he raised a brow. He also mentioned how Kiki started wearing t-shirts throughout the week –sleeveless clothing– and he thought it had to do with some sort of survival condition related trauma, while you had other theories.

Theories that you, once more, kept to yourself.

Because there were always two ends on situations like this: Your theories were correct – she was right all along! or, you thought too much of it – you're so dramatic!

It was a little frustrating, not being able to tell these to any memebers of your family, except for Ellie, who came to understand– probably better than Joel or the others would.

"Yikes, I'm sorry, Dolly," She looked troubled at your worrisome expression when you finally broke and told her about your suspicions.

"Morton's fucking fork," You sighed and ran a hand through your hair nervously. "I honestly don't know what to do, it's too early to say anything but at the same time I feel like it'll be too late if I keep it to myself."

"Well, no matter what happens," She rubbed your shoulder reassuringly. "I'll be by your side. Always."

The words caught you off guard, the frustration of bottled up feelings and the subconscious weight of keeping the truth about what happened with the Fireflies from Ellie finally shattering and setting a few drops of tears free.

"Thank you– Oh, Ellie," She hugged you where she stood while you remained seated on your chair in the kitchen. "What would I do without you?"

"I know, I'm the light of your life," She joked, which made you chuckle briefly.

"Look, I also want you to know that–" You pulled back and took her hands in yours, then looked her straight in the eyes: "That I'd do anything for you. Whatever happens, I'll be on your side too, even if I can't intervene."

An emotional scene between a girl who found her mother figure, and a broken soldier longing for a deeper sense of tranquility eventually finding it in a girl– something she thought she'd never find.

"Christ, Joel," You immediately got up from where you were sitting in the living room and ran up to your husband as soon as you saw his dirty, tired state. It was god knows what in the morning but you couldn't sleep, thoughts of Kiki and Joel keeping you up for the second time ever since your mutual patrols started three and a half weeks ago.

"What're you still doin' up?" You carefully looked him up and down with worried eyes and ignored his exhausted sigh. You quickly but carefully hugged him, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

"Are you hurt?" You asked quietly after he immediately put his arm around your waist.

"Nope, just sore," He closed his eyes. "And a little dirty. Why aren't you asleep?"

You pulled back slowly and looked into his eyes, shrugging: "Couldn't sleep. And good thing I didn't."

"Dolly..."

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." You tugged on his large hand and led him up to your bathroom. After you arranged the tub to fill, you helped undress him, his pale face and tired eyes made you put extra effort to be as delicate as possible.

"You wanna talk about it?" You said after dropping his t-shirt into the laundry basket, while he took off his pants beside the door.

"There ain't much to talk about. We just..." You could feel your heart beat in your ears as you took his pants from him and repeated your motion, but froze in your place when he spoke again: "She saved me."

Your brows shot up quickly and the ache of keeping them crossed in a worried expression for so long immediately made its presence known: "My flashlight gave out, was tryin' to shake it back to life when a stalker grabbed me."

Joel scratched the back of his neck and lowered his head while you just stared and moved towards him slowly, his voice quiet: "I felt its– Its teeth on my neck right before Kiki jumped on it."

"Joel..." You sighed the moment you stopped walking, whispered, gulped and realised how bad your throat ached. He raised his head and gave you an utterly wrecking look, which immediately triggered you to walk over to him and hug him. His arms quickly shot up and wrapped themselves around your back. He buried his face into your neck this time and your hands ran through his hair, caressing the back of his neck soothingly. The way his arms embraced you was tight, but not enough to crush you– just enough to remind you where you belonged.

Home. That's what you felt like.

For the first time in many, many years, you finally found home again.

That exact feeling that made your eyes blurry with tears had struck first after fifteen years into the apocalypse, and it was the night after a particularly tough mission to handle some hunters around the area. The team had almost lost Kurt and Robin, the fear had been very overwhelming. The intensity of it all was nerve-wracking for everyone, so when Robin was back with Cole, they broke down crying in each other's arms. You couldn't bare to see them like that, so you joined with quiet whimpers and hugged them where they sat on the ground. Slowly, the rest of the group had joined, and when finally Kurt put his arms around you and them, everyone calmed down. That was home.

Family.

You inhaled his scent with tears in your eyes and a barbed wire around your throat, then hugged him tighter; the realisation of what might have happened had Kiki not been there washing over you like a tidal wave. All these months of doubting her– maybe you misunderstood her? Were you too cruel to Kiki in your mind? You sure as hell owed her now, you were more than grateful for what she did.

A sharp intake of breath from Joel and the warm wetness you felt on your neck confirmed that he was crying, so you turned your head a little to kiss his neck softly. It was rare that Joel cried, let alone open up like this, so you let him cry on your shoulder for as log as he needed. He didn't make a sound other than his occasional sniffs and sighs.

"I need you (Y/N)," He murmured after calming down a few minutes later, slowly shifting his arms downwards and kissing you deeply, pulling you flush against him. You kissed back, sighing into his mouth and slithering your hands down his back to the waistband of his underwear. You devoured each other at the doorway while the tub was still filling, the chilly yet still warm July night creating a thin layer of sweat between your bodies. He softly pushed you up against the doorframe, and his movements became more rushed the more your tongues danced against each other.

"Joel, baby wait," You pulled back and he stopped immediately. "The bath..."

You kissed a tear that was hanging on the edge of his cheek and reluctantly slipped away from his hold to turn the faucet off, and before you could turn back around, you felt his hands slowly sneak their way under your shirt and smiled softly at the feel. You turned completely, while he carefully walked you over to the counter and pushed you against the edge between the two sinks. He started peppering urgent kisses on your neck, making you sigh a quiet moan as your eyes closed, his hands roaming your body and eventually taking off the sleeveless undershirt off of you.

"What about the– the bath?" You barely managed to ask when he softly bit and kissed on the skin of your breasts, then moved down to tug your shorts down your legs.

"Later," He groaned when he saw the sight before him and immediately went to suck a few marks around your breasts, gently biting your nipples the way you liked it. You moaned and wrapped a leg around his waist so you could have his erection pressing directly against your pussy.

He lifted you up slightly and sat you on the cold counter, making you sigh as he settled between your legs, pulling his underwear off only for his erection to spring against your inner thigh. He was getting harder by the second, but before he lined himself up, he made sure you were taken care of to begin with. While massaging your inner thighs, he carefully bit and sucked on your neck, rubbing the tip of his cock between your slick folds in the meantime. You moaned quietly at his ministrations, his hands feeling wonderful around your legs.

After a while, you reached for his length and lined him up, allowing him to push in. You let out a soft moan by his ear and he did the same when he dived into your depths, then wrapped your arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist. He growled, grabbed at your hips and thighs and started off with a slow but somehow rushed pace.

What you liked about a slower pace, first and foremost, was how you could feel everything Joel had to offer and how much more relaxed and focused he was. You liked it when he took his time, making sure you felt every inch and vein of his length– You also liked the tension building up more this way. With the patrols and chores taking up most of your constantly changing schedules, sex had started to become a bit of luxury again, too.

Your eyes opened slowly when he called your name desperately– moaned it. You slowly pulled back from your hug and looked him in the eyes, then kissed him deeply, his rhythm stable but the snap of his hips started to become harsher. His grip on your hips were equally desperate and bruising, but you liked it; it was also your own way of assuring yourself that Joel was still here, with you.

His pace picked up the more your tongues swayed together, then his hand went to the hair on your scalp and massaged the skin there, making you throw your head back and clench down on him with a mewl. Groaning, he kissed and bit all over your neck again, the skin slapping against skin making both of you near the edge.

He suddenly pulled out and away, gently helped you off the counter and turned you around. In one motion, he buried himself deep inside you again and moaned. You arched your back and he pulled your hair into a ponytail, then placed solid, sloppy kisses on your shoulders as he fucked you from behind.

"Shit– Joel," You gasped when he grabbed at your breasts, arms crossed and slammed into you particularly hard. He was getting closer with each passing minute.

"(Y/N)..." He groaned and pressed you down against the counter, trapping you between the cold surface and his hairy, broad chest while sneaking a hand down to your clit. He slammed into you three more times, which made you moan brief but loud ahs and ohs each time; your hands clawing against his hips and arms, leaving your own marks, throwing him over the edge when he thought about the pleasure he felt when your nails digged into his skin.

You both came with loud moans and held onto each other tightly, Joel pulling out the last second even though he really, really wanted to come inside you at that moment: He would never do it without your permission and talking about it first, but the topic was never brought up by either of you.

Panting while coming down your high, you were as disappointed as Joel was when he didn't fill you up with his thick cock– you were also as cautious as your husband about this, and maybe it was finally time to discuss it.

After recollecting yourselves, you both moved into the lukewarm water in comfortable silence, Joel laying against you between your legs and holding onto your hands which you had wrapped around his chest in a hug, resting his head against your own.

Some time later, when you felt yourself dozing off, Joel hummed quietly: "If you're gonna sleep let's move to bed."

"How did you..."

"Your heartbeat got real slow, figured you were dozin' off," He slowly got up with a phantom smile on his lips and looked into your sleepy eyes. This small gesture made you smile back, and after he took your hand in his and placed a loving kiss on your knuckles, you got cleaned and out of the bath. There was much to be said, but sleep overcame you both as soon as you laid on the soft, inviting mattress.

The next morning, Joel had some business in town with Tommy while it was your day off, so you both had the opportunity to talk during breakfast. After some discussion and honesty about how you felt towards Kiki, Joel figured there'd be nothing a good dinner wouldn't fix. You had to agree because of your self-doubt, maybe this dinner would help you understand Kiki's intentions better, and it would also be your way of thanking her for saving Joel.

"I have to tell you somethin', but promise me–" Joel chewed on his scrambled eggs after your reluctant agreement to the dinner. "–You won't get mad?"

You rolled your eyes and offered a small smirk after finishing your bite: "When do I ever get mad at you?"

"Oh?" He raised a brow. "Well, I was startin' to think you were jealous of Kiki, is all."

Your mouth fell open in a silent gasp: "I am no such thing! Joel Miller–"

"Oh boy," He took a sip off his coffee, having made his point.

You took a deep breath, rolled your eyes while they were closed and grabbed your own cup: "Look, I'm not jealous, I just..."

"Just what?"

You chewed on your lower lip while staring two holes into the cup in your hands, took your time to think: "I'm just worried."

"What's got you worried, sweetpea?" His expression immediately softened as he leaned forward, the pet name easing the tension in your heart a little.

"They're– really odd, okay?" You spoke quietly, occasionally meeting his eyes. "Doesn't it bother you just how different they act when they're not around each other?"

"Where're you gettin' with this?"

"I just don't want another Axel case." The room fell to a deafening silence when you said his name, but you continued when he didn't say anything: "Look, I simply can't help but think they're trying to get close to us on purpose."

"Oh darlin'," His eyes widened slightly as he got off his chair and stood beside you in a quick motion, putting his warm hands on your bare shoulders. "I understand what's got you all worried, but I'm sure this is all because of Maria puttin' us together for patrol. Don't worry your pretty little head with all o' that." He pressed you against his body in a hug, gently massaging your shoulders as he did: "Now, I gotta get goin', but when I come back I'll do somethin' to ease all that stress built up in these strong muscles of yours, huh?" He softly digged his fingers into your shoulder blades, making you sigh as you realised they were indeed very stiff. He offered a soft smile: "Agreed?"

"Agreed." You forced a smile in return, trying not to worry like he said. It was Joel, after all; if he said you had nothing to worry about, then you probably didn't...

... But that didn't mean you were going to shut out your gut feelings altogether. It was your instincts that always saved your ass when you were unsure about situations like this, or when you got in trouble with people in general. You could always beat yourself up for overthinking too much and being so doubtful of them, but for now, you were going to keep your guard up at all times and keep them at arm's length.

————

tags: @spideysimpossiblegirl @joelsgeetar @sherry-212 @peachymelon69

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theoreticslut · 4 years

Text

The Truth that You Deny // Part 2

pairing: fred weasley x reader x george weasley

word count: 2, 442

warnings: drinking?? nothing much more than that

A/N: here’s part 2!! I’m so glad you guys are liking this so far :) I haven’t written in a while so it makes me so happy to see people still like it a bit. anyways, i still have a few more parts to this so let me know if you’re liking it and if you’d like to be added to a taglist for it.

taglist - @justmesadgirl @xuckduck @yikesyikesyikes95 @filipi-yes @aestheticwh0r3 @siredkai

you can find part 1 here!

The next couple weeks are more than awkward between the three of you and everyone is starting to pick up on it, but none of them dare ask anything in fear it’ll make whatever is going on worse.

Truthfully, the twins were still acting like themselves around everyone - they were laughing and joking and just as vibrant as they had been before - but it was how silent you had become that created the tension amongst everyone. It was like you to be quieter than the rest of your group of friends, but you had never been as disconnected from the group as you have been lately.

Granted, you were stuck inside your own head analyzing your thoughts and emotions towards the twins and trying to figure out if you did like them or not. Deep down you know the answer, but you don’t want to admit it to yourself yet because once you do that unleashes a whole new set of problems.

“Y/n!” Lee nearly shouts, snapping his fingers in front of your face.

“What, Lee?!” You snap a bit, not knowing why he’s raised his voice to you.

“Have you heard anything we just said?” He asks, the rest of your friends looking at you.

You stare back at him and then look around the group for any kind of clue yet you find none.

“N-no. I guess not.” You sigh.

“I’m sorry. What were you guys talking about?” You ask, glancing over everyone but settling your attention on Stephanie.

“There’s a party tonight and we wanted to check and see what everyone thought about it.” Fred says as you turn your attention towards him.

“What about it?” You ask, not sure what they’re looking for.

“Like if you wanted to go? If so, when you wanted to go, et cetra”

“Uh, yeah. Sure. I’d like to go. Who’s throwing it?”

“Ravenclaws.”

“Okay. Uh, yeah. I’ll be there.” You say, giving a small smile to try to give the illusion that you’re totally not lost inside your own head.

He nods and looks back around the group to get everyone’s final opinion.

~.~

“Hey, beautiful. How are you doing?” Steph asks as she walks into your dorm.

“Fine. I’m just trying to get ready for the party. What do you think of that dress on the bed there?”

“The white one?”

“Yeah. Do you think it’ll be too much?”

“I don’t think so. If it is then at least you know you’re the best dressed, yeah?”

“I guess so.” You chuckle as you finish applying your lashes.

“Look, y/n, I don’t know if this is really the cause of why you’ve been acting so disconnected lately....but I’m sorry for pushing you about liking Fred and George. I...It’s none of my business and I should have stayed out of it.” Steph apologizes as she sits down on your bed, wringing her hands together.

“No, you were right. I mean you shouldn’t have pushed it so hard, but I...well, I do like them. I didn’t want to admit it to myself because it just makes everything more difficult, but you were right.” You sigh, walking over to sit next to her.

“I’m still sorry. It was none of my business, but what are you going to do now that you admitted it?”

You sit there for a minute thinking about it before you reply.

“Get plastered tonight and hopefully forget about all of it. You?”

“Maybe not get plastered, but get drunk and just have fun.” She laughs.

~.~

“You ready? Everyone else is already inside.” Steph asks as you both click your way to the ravenclaw house entrance.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You smile as she gives the password to enter.

Once you do, you’re immediately encompassed by the sound of loud music and overlapping chatter broken apart by a few shouts from one person to another across the room. Besides the sheer volume of the room, you’re also hit by the smell of sweaty bodies, much too strong perfumes and cologne that have muddled together into one scent, and various different alcohols.

“Girl! Ugh, You look amazing.” Some 5th year hufflepuff girl compliments as you start to make your way through the room in search of the alcohol.

“Thanks. You too, beautiful!” You smile, admiring her pale yellow velvet bodycon she’s wearing with nude/clear wedges.

“Where can I find the alcohol?” You ask and nod as she points off into the room.

~.~

After a handful of shots taken with a few people hanging around the alcohol table, you find yourself dancing carefree. You honestly can’t remember the last time you’ve just let yourself go and have fun without worrying about the consequences or something else that you should be doing. You’re having an absolute banging time and are thoroughly enjoying yourself for once, which is being noticed by two of your friends across the room.

“Y/n seems to be having a lot of fun tonight.” George points out to his brother as they hang out on the outskirts of a crowd, Fred dancing along with them.

“Yeah, it does. It’s nice to see. It’s not like her to be so down like she has been.” Fred replies.

“I know. I’ve been wondering what’s on her mind. You don’t think we upset her do you?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. We pushed her, but I think whatever it was she’s been thinking about had been on her mind long before that.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right. I’m just glad to see she’s finally getting out of it.” George trails off as Fred nods in agreement, still dancing.

“She looks real nice tonight.” George points out.

“Yeah. She does.” Fred smiles, watching you as you dance with some 4th year ravenclaws and some of their friends both in their year from other houses as well as higher years they’ve met through older ravenclaw friends.

Neither of them could help but look you up and down multiple times throughout the night. You wore a bright white bodycon dress that falls just above the middle of your thighs. That alone is sexy enough, but you had to go even further in getting a dress that had a bit of a slit on the right side that was outlined with a string of crystals that hang over your thigh. Throughout the night, anyone could have found both Fred and George seeming to stare at your thighs, but really they were just in awe with the way the light caught the crystals as you moved. On top of that you wore nude heels that seemed to elongate your already gorgeous legs. Not to mention your makeup. You didn’t wear it often, but in the name of Merlin, you sure knew how to.

As the night progresses, you continue drinking anything and everything you can find that tastes decent enough. As you told Steph, you wanted to forget everything you’ve been thinking about for the last two weeks, and you were almost there.

Way too many drinks ago you found yourself starting to slur, yet you kept on drinking. You’ve started to get wobbly on your feet yet you’ve continued drinking. You’re honestly not sure if you even remember your name or where you are anymore, yet you’re stumbling your way to the alcohol table to get yet another drink.

“Having fun?” You hear someone ask.

You try to turn toward them, but the problem is you’re not quite sure which direction their voice came from.

Eventually you find two...wait four...nope, two red heads behind you.

“Y/n, are you having fun?” The other one asks and you nod even though their words have yet to fully register in your head.

“Y-yeah.” You hiccup. “Lots.”

“What in merlins name? Y/n...are you drunk?” Fred asks, watching as you sway in your spot which he’s positive you aren’t purposely doing.

“Drunk? Not even cl-ose.”

“For merlin’s sake, y/n.” George frowns, catching you as you start to lean too far forward.

“I don’t think we should let her drink anymore, Fred.” George says, taking your cup from you and setting it on the table behind you guys.

“No. No, we shouldn’t. In fact we should probably get her back to her dorm.”

“And how do you plan on doing that without getting caught? I don’t think y/n here is going to be very quiet.” George says as you’re rambling to yourself about one of the songs that just played.

“Uhm, I don’t know? Maybe we could cast muffliato around us?”

“It’s worth a shot.” George says as he picks you up bridal style instead of trying to guide you through the halls.

“Hey! I can walk myself.” You say, awfully slurred, as you try to work your way out of his arms.

He doesn’t budge, counteracting each of your movements and keeping you in his grip. Watching you try to stand still just now proves to him that there is no way to get you back to the gryffindor common room with you walking.

“Hey, you’re strong.” You say in regards to him fighting you and still holding you. “I don’t like it.”

George chuckles and shakes his head at you. You’ve never been drunk around them before, and not surprisingly they find it quite adorable. Sure you guys have had drinks together before, but you’ve never gotten drunk drunk.

“Alright, are you ready to go?” Fred asks having cast the spell.

“As ready as we can be.”

“Okay, well then let’s head out. Here’s hoping the charm works.”

“Your charm works.” You giggle as you wink at him.

He chuckles and shakes his head. Never in a million years did he expect y/n y/l/n to be a flirty drunk.

“Well, I know. Thank you.” Fred smiles, joking around.

“Welcome” you hiccup, following it with a burst of giggles.

“I don’t think drunk y/n knows how to be quiet.” George laughs. it’s such a contrast to your normal personality that he can’t help but laugh.

Normally you were pretty quiet. You knew how to speak up when needed, and were often quick to, but you were quiet the majority of the time. That’s not saying that you were insecure or scared, but that you knew how to listen. It’s impossible to count the amount of times the twins have come to you with one problem or another for you to listen and help them figure out a solution. They adored you for it and that’s part of the reason you three became such close friends. You were a voice of reason to their chaotic energies and in turn they were just the right amount of wild to get you out of your comfort zone.

The twins knew pretty early on into your friendship that you were more to them than just some casual friend. Hence why you’ve been over to the burrow at least twice a year since your second year of school. They loved having you around and when you weren’t, they could feel that something was missing.

They both loved you, even though neither of them were quite aware of that fact.

“We’re almost there.” Fred whispers. George nods, adjusting the way you’ve settled into his arms.

Even though you’re beyond drunk, George can’t help but admire the way you’ve curled into him. You’ve somehow twisted just enough that you’re facing him, your head resting on his shoulder.

“Okay, we’re here.” Fred says.

“Where? Are we at another party?” You ask, really wanting to get another drink.

Fred whispers the password to the portrait so they can get inside and, hopefully, up to her dorm.

“Party?” You ask, frowning as you enter your common room to find complete silence.

“No more parties, unless you wanna have a slumber party. Alright?” Fred tells you as him and George make their way up to your room.

“Is there alcohol?” You ask, stumbling as George finally sets you down inside your room.

“Not anymore. C’mon let’s get you to your bed.” George says, leading you towards your bed.

“But I need another drink. Wanna forget.” You mumble as you fall into your bed.

Both the boys stop, looking at each other confused before looking back at you.

“Forget? What do you wanna forget, love?” Fred asks as he starts taking off your one shoe as George works on the other.

“Thoughts.” You yawn, trying to curl up onto your side but George is still working on getting your shoe off so he keeps you from turning.

“What kind of thoughts?” George asks, finally getting the buckle part undone so he can slide off your shoe.

“Boys I like.” You mumble, finally able to curl up on your side.

Even though you’d deny it if directly asked, you were beyond tired and the twins knew it. If they ever wanted to figure out who you had gone so quiet over, they’d have to keep you talking.

“Can you tell us about them?” Fred asks, looking over at you as you shiver a bit.

It’s honestly no wonder given it’s nearing the middle of winter and you were wearing this. Neither of the twins could say that you didn’t look stunning, but it really wasn’t that hard to believe that you’d be cold. Nonetheless, Fred helps you to get under the covers.

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell us about the guys you like? They’ve got to be mighty special if you go silent over them for a whole two weeks.”

You smile as you think about them, not realizing that they’re the ones with you right now.

“They’re my best friends.” You mumble, smiling dreamily as you’re half asleep.

Fred looks over to George who is looking over at him. Both had the same thought run through their head - us?!

“They’re funny....and brilliant....absolutely adorable....they’re kind.” You continue mumbling as both of the boys watch you, a warmth igniting in their chest. While they couldn’t place exactly what the sensation was, it hadn’t been the first time they’ve felt it when thinking about you.

“Yeah?” George asks, smiling happily at you.

“Yeah,” You hum. “I love when they’re around and just thinking about them makes me happy, but they’re my best friends....and I don’t want to screw anything up between us, but I think I really love them.”

“You do, hmm?” Fred asks, not able to help a smug smirk play on his lips even though this admission overjoys him.

“She’s talking about us, isn’t she Fred?” George asks, smiling at the thought.

“Yeah, George. I believe she is,” he smiles, looking over your sleeping form. “She won’t remember any of this tomorrow.”

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter fluff #george weasley #fred weasley #fred and george #fred weasley imagine #george wealsey imagine #Fred and George weasley x reader #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #fluff #part 2

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sanokisses · 4 years

Text

Too Much to Drink

| Carlos Oliveira x Reader |

prompt: the reader has too much to drink and Carlos looks after her like the good boyfriend he is.

word count: 1,664

a/n: Also guys, I'd be glad to take any requests if you have any! I love writing for this fandom!

You honestly don't know how you got outside the bar in your state but to be fair, it was really loud and hot in there. Too many bodies and ridiculously loud music soon began to make you feel anxious. Fresh air was definitely needed. The streets and sidewalks were empty for the most part and the city lights lit up the streets quite beautifully. You could still hear the blaring music faintly through the thick brick walls but nonetheless the cool city breeze felt amazing on your skin.

Where was he? You missed him. You rummaged through your purse and finally pulled out your phone. It quickly unlocked it due to the facial recognition feature, the tiny bit of soberness in you silently thanked your phone because there was no way you could enter a password right now.

"Hm, mm, mm~" You hummed to yourself as you focused very hard on your phone screen. It took a couple minutes because your vision was blurred and in double, but there it was, the contacts app.

"Found you.." You were quick to find his number. Drunk or sober you knew the contact you were looking for the name was unmistakable.

"💞💓 Carlos 💕💘"

You clicked on his name and put the phone up to your ear. It rang twice before he answered.

"Hello?" He answered. His deep voice making you feel giddy inside and you unintentionally let out a tiny excited gasp. "Babe? I thought you were out with your friends, why you calling me?" He asked.

"Carlos." You hummed happily as you slightly stumbled against the brick wall.

"Yes?" He asked through a chuckle.

"I miss you." You whined and rested your head on the brick wall you were leaning on.

"How much did you have to drink tonight?" Carlos questioned almost getting cut off by your quickness to reply.

"You didn't say I miss you-" You hiccuped. "-back."

"I miss you too, sweetheart." He said. "How much did-"

"I wanna go home." You said suddenly feeling sad. All you wanted was Carlos right now.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" He asked.

"Yes, please." Your voice was soft.

"Alright, I'm on my way." You smiled and hung up your phone.

"(Name)! We were looking everywhere for you!" Voices called out to you. You looked to see your friends practically running towards you from the club's entrance.

"It was hot in there." You pouted as they stood in front of you.

"Did you call Carlos?" Your blue haired friend, Savanna asked while she smoothed out your hair and fixed your lipstick that was slightly out of place. She was always the motherly one that looked after you and quite frankly the one that freaked out the most when everyone realized you were missing.

"Mhm!" You nodded happily making your friends giggle and laugh.

"Girl, you already know she did. If I had a man that looked like that I would call him 24/7." Your tallest friend, Tyler said making everyone laugh.

"Tyler, enough out of you." Your third friend laughed. "Honestly (Name), we were scared. How were we supposed to tell Carlos we lost you?" She laughed again.

"Aisha's right. So he could body slam us? No ma'am." Tyler said causing everyone to erupt in laughter.

A couple minutes passed by of everyone joking around until a familiar car pulled up on the side of the pavement. You immediately got excited when you saw your boyfriend step out of the car and his eyes landed onto you. He shut the driver's door and walked over to you. He was wearing black jeans, a black V-cut shirt and a leather jacket.

"Carlos!" Your lazily leaped to the tall man and wrapped your arms around his neck losing your balance while reaching for him. Carlos caught you and immediately held your hips steadying you in place.

"Easy there, tiger." Carlos studied your state with an amused expression. You were swaying and very much out of it.

"How much did you drink tonight?" Carlos asked slightly amused but still concerned.

"A lot." Your voice was slightly muffled as you happily cuddled up to his chest. You lost track after your 4th jello shot, but in your defense they "weren't that strong" so it was okay to keep downing them.

"A lot?" He chuckled. You shot your head up to look at him.

"Yup! A whoolee lot!" Your eyes were closed accompanied with a loopy smile.

"Alright, let's get you home." Carlos looked up from you to your friends and smiled.

"Thank you guys." He said politely.

"It's no problem. Take good care of her!" Savanna said.

"Bye, (Name)! Love you."

"We love you."

"Stay safe, babe!"

To you, the seemingly disappeared but Carlos saw that they just walked across the street to their car and pulled off. With ease he shifted you to his side wrapping his arm around your waist helping you to his car. Opening the passenger door he made sure you got in safely not bumping your head on the top of the car. You watched him lean over you to buckle your seat belt when a fabulous idea popped in your mind.

"Baby, can we get a slushie?" You asked with your hands clasped and a hopeful look on your face.

"I really want one. A big one!" The seatbelt clicked.

"Please, babe?" Your hands found their way to Carlos' face turning his attention to you but not before squishing his cheeks together.

"You're gonna make yourself sick." He said.

"Am not." You pouted.

"Look, how 'bout we go to the park tomorrow and get some then. Sound good?" He proposed.

"Mhm~" You smiled and hummed at the idea.

The entire car ride home you kept his free hand in yours. Your favorite thing to do was compare his hand size to yours. Taking his hand and placing it up to yours. His long fingers seemed to keep you occupied for the time being. That and the pretty city lights you would sometimes glance up at through the window. Every once in a while Carlos would glance over at you to see if you were okay. Eventually you both made it to your apartment safely. Carlos helped you out the car and into your apartment. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted with a sweet smell.

Your apartment was homey. Fairy lights, potted plants and always a lingering smell of something incredibly sweet due to the wax melters you had around the place. It was always a cozy vibe at your place. Its the complete opposite from Carlos' apartment. You always buy him cute little decorations to out around the place but he always leaves them in one spot.

Carlos helped you down the hallway to your bedroom and sat you down on the edge of your bed. He kneeled in front of you and took off your heels one by one and sat them to the side.

"I'll be back." He stood up and looked at you. "Be still." He said before disappearing into the hallway. You stood up rather quickly and almost lost your balance but after recovering you stripped of everything but your underwear and rummaged through your dresser to find something to sleep in. Eventually you decided on a old oversized band shirt you're not really sure where you got it from. You stumbled your way into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. You still had makeup on and it felt incredibly heavy on your skin.

"Babe?" Carlos called for you from the bedroom.

"In here.." You replied softly.

"What are you doin'?" He stood in the doorway holding something but you weren't paying much attention, all you cared about was getting this makeup off.

"'m taking off my makeup.." You rubbed your face with the tissue.

"With dry toilet paper? Goddam, (Name). Let me help you out." He said.

You sat on the ottoman in the bathroom crisscross style watching your boyfriend in contentment as he looked for your makeup remover through the tons of product you left scattered on your vanity station before you left to the club earlier that night. He didn't know much about cosmetics but he knew enough to know that it was bad to try to wipe off makeup with a dry tissue.

"Think I found them." He said and took a couple wipes out the pack before turing back to you.

"C'mere.." Carlos held your chin up to gently wipe your face removing the makeup from your face. You felt slightly more aware from the sudden coldness on your face due to the wipes cooler temperature against your warm flushed skin. You were starting to grow more and more sleepy as time went on and the attention from Carlos wasn't helping either but you weren't complaining.

"I'm sleepy, Carlos." You looked up at him with lidded eyes and he smiled softly as he caressed your cheek.

"I know, I know, baby." He turned to the vanity counter once more to get something.

"Take these and drink this first then we can go to bed." He said and held out his hands. In his palm he held two pills of pain relievers and the other hand held a glass of water. You took the pills from his hand and placed them in your mouth and quickly downed the medicine with the water handing him the water back after.

"No. Drink all of it." Carlos said gently pushing the water back up to your lips. You wanted to whine but there was no arguing with him right now. He was in full caretaker Carlos mode. You sulked as you had no choice and finished the water. He took the glass from your hands placing it on the counter.

"Alright. Bedtime." He said as he helped you stand up.

"Can we cuddle?" You asked looking up at him hopefully.

"Of course." He smiled and kissed your forehead.

#carlos oliveira #carlos oliveira x reader #resident evil 3 #resident evil #carlos x reader resident evil #resident evil x reader #leon s kennedy #claire redfield #jill valentine #x reader #requests are open #re3 #re3 carlos #re3 remake #re3 jill

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sami-at-ciela · 3 years

Text

Prompt 14: Commend

Or: “tfw the entire Crystarium now ships WoL/Exarch”

Spicy take: sometimes I headcanon G’raha with a bit of a tum because A. surely you know scholarly types and their whacked-out eating habits and B. it’s cute, leemee malone.

The “aetherfat” joke, uhhh... I think I explained it in the story but basically the WoL becomes a frigging aetheric Mr. Creosote after that 4th Lightwarden. I’m being unabashedly terrible today.

Our favorite Weird Animal Duo shows up here too (and everything is their fault today).

Generic Shadowbringers spoilers warning because this is plot-vacuumed.

Rhea found herself in the Crystarium markets once more, except this run was different from usual.

Shopkeepers were calling her over left and right, offering her reduced prices and 2-for-1 specials on just about everything. However, ‘everything’ pertained mostly to foodstuffs and the occasional wardrobe piece for some reason.

When a certain shopkeeper thrusted a rather large box of chocolates at her, said they came “highly recommended,” and finished the exchange off with a wink, that was the last straw.

She barged into the Ocular with her rather large haul in tow, sparing the Exarch not even a single second to compose himself. “Did you seriously use your clout to get me discounts on every kind of food in the markets?”

It turned out that G’raha needed that second. “I’m sorry, what?”

“G’raha, hon, if you wanted another date night, you could have just told me instead of making the shopkeepers do a wink-wink-nudge-nudge at me,” Rhea grumbled as she set the bags down.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” G’raha said, gradually becoming more flustered. “If they did decide to do that, they did it of their own volition, most likely as a celebration of your victory.”

“No way, this was like they knew what we get up to,” Rhea said as she shook her head. “Either you whispered words in the right ears or someone else blabbed.”

“I’m telling you, I didn’t do anything!” G’raha’s flustering was turning into frustration. “If I had to guess, I’d say Alisaie is a likely culprit, since you occasionally inform her of our affairs.”

“Please. She’s invested, but she’s not a gossip.” Rhea sighed, finally accepting the Exarch’s innocence and not wanting to launch a whole investigation at that moment. “Fine. I guess we can just take this as a token of the people’s generosity. The people of the Crystarium are like that, anyway.”

“They are,” G’raha said, finally relaxing. He approached Rhea to survey her haul, peeking inside the bags. “There’s enough here for several ‘date nights,’” he murmured.

“I guess we’re taking a weekend off at some point?” Rhea suggested.

“I’d be in favor of that,” G’raha said, tilting his head. “At least we don’t have to worry about the ‘aetherfat’ getting in the way, hmm?”

Rhea snorted at the mention of the old joke. “Yeah, I fixed that! My aether is no longer morbidly obese from eating Lightwardens. You, on the other hand...” A sly smile spread across her face as she gave G’raha’s tummy a poke.

“What exactly is that supposed to mean?” G’raha asked, giving Rhea’s poking finger a pointed stare.

Rhea sighed and pulled G’raha in for a hug and a squeeze. “It’s all right. As much as you grumble about not wanting to be interrupted, I can tell you feel better when I feed you.”

“That’s not an answer- wait, are you calling me fat?” G’raha was mollified by the contact until he wasn’t.

Rhea just giggled and mashed G’raha’s head into her bosom. “No, I just know you like to eat and it’s cute.”

G’raha squirmed and made various grouchy noises in Rhea’s hold as his face blushed progressively pinker, but Rhea held on and gave him a scritch behind the ears for good measure. I think I finally spoiled him into enjoying being cared for, she mused.

Meanwhile, a suspicious “Gwee-hee-hee!” rang out somewhere in the distance.

“Man, she got so much swag!” Sparki said. “And the best of it, too!” Beans’s beady eyes seemed to sparkle. “I do hope she will build a fantastic nest!”

Sparki gave the Serpent of Ronka an affectionate squish with one foot. “You are such a romantic and it’s adorable.”

“Unhand me, knave! I am the night!” Beans proclaimed until Sparki finally did so. “I also hope that the people of the marketplace genuinely wished to support their leader and hero in their affairs and not just turn a profit.”

“Meh, the people of the Crystarium are better than that,” Sparki said. “I mean, why not both? But seriously, if you looked at those people hawking the sales and bonuses? They shipped it.”

“Shipped it?”

“They wholeheartedly supported the relationship between their dear Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness,” Sparki explained. “After the complete and utter poop that happened after the last Lightwarden, they deserve it.”

“Aye, they do.” A beat passed, and Beans added, “I do know some ancient fertility rituals-”

“Gods, Beans, let them have some time to enjoy each other’s company without a ‘clutch’ of babies in the way!” Sparki gave Beans another squish for good measure. “For what it’s worth, after our little suggestions, I’m sure they will.”

The discussion was interrupted when some small child pointed at Sparki and said, “Look, mommy, the little amaro has a beard!”

“Time to scram- er, gwee gwee!” Sparki scuttled out of the area with a quickness, rolling Beans along as she did so.

#ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2021 #WoLRhea

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wtnrscap · 4 years

Text

Cursed Words- Homecoming

Pairings- Bucky Barnes x Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Bruce Banner, mentions of past Natasha Romanoff x Clint Barton.

Summary- The treatment has started... The compound doesn’t know silence... It’s got to get worse before it gets better.

Warnings- (18+) Mentions of blood, death, injury detail, PTSD, panic and anxiety attacks. Swearing, fluff. Dirty talk, dirty fantasies. Eventual smut.

A/N- This chapter is depressing and fluffy. I mean, the treatment’s started, that’s warning in itself. Also, it’s kinda just a filler chapter so it’s probably gonna be a bit boring. Taglist is open. Prompts list is here.

Cursed Words Masterlist

The screams echo through the halls. They bounce off the walls and reach every nook and cranny. They are loud and blood-chilling and they don’t stop. The electricity around the compound hums and flickers with every scream and Vision glance upwards, looking around the living room. Wanda has cushions over her ears, Nat wears headphones, Clint is raising the soundbar. Sam growls, “When will it end?”

As if on cue, the screaming stops and the silence sound strange.

“Again... Let’s go again!” pants Bucky, sweat dripping through his hair. You bite your thumb anxiously before glancing at Bruce who shakes his head. Steve steps forward, talking into the microphone as Tony opens the door, “No. I think that’s enough for today. I’ve read these words 12 times, you deserve a rest.”

A cell built by Shuri made entirely out of vibranium. There were cameras on the inside and Bucky was strapped into a chair with an automatic headset. It had pained you not to go in there with him but after turning into the soldier 6 times on the first run, you were glad you weren’t.

This was the 3rd week of constant treatment and tempers were running high. Bruce and Tony were stressed with the science and Steve and you hated seeing Bucky in pain. Bucky was insistent that they should keep going until the words were gone but you and Steve had forced him to take breaks. His mental health was in tatters.

Your brow furrows as Steve helps Bucky into the lab. He can barely walk for himself, has huge marks across his head and is mumbling, “My name is James Buchanan Barnes. My best friend is Steve Rogers. My girlfriend is Y/N L/N. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are helping me to get better...”

You’d had to partially wipe his memory with some very complicated Wakandan tech, and you knew this was just his way of reminding himself that he was safe and at the compound.

You busy yourself with your crutches, not looking at Bucky as Steve takes him back to his bedroom. It’s not that you don’t want to face him, you’re just not sure you can. You hate seeing him like this, and he knows it.

“How is he?” you ask as Steve comes out of Bucky’s room. Steve shrugs with annoyance, “Wants to go back down there and continue. I’ve told him to stay put. Need any help?”

“Nope,” you smile and hobble into Bucky’s room, landing heavily on his bed. The sound of the toilet flushing makes you jump and Bucky comes out of the bathroom with a strangely energetic grin. He’s in between your legs in an instant, hand over your eyes, “What colour?”

“Red.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please don’t write anything silly.”

“Can’t promise you anything, doll...” his voice peters out in concentration and you feel a slight pressure on your right leg. Several seconds later the hand is removed and you look down, groaning when you see what he’s written on the cast.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To go to the moovies!

“You picked the worst joke in the history of jokes!” you mumble and lean back, your head resting on his mattress. Bucky crawls over you, being mindful of your leg, and rests his head on your shoulder, metal tracing over your cheek. You smirk, “Do you like it?”

“What?”

“The arm. Wakandan designed, Tony Stark fitted.”

He shrugs and smirks, “Do you?”

“Haven’t had the chance to test it out yet, Mr Barnes. I’m waiting till I’m out the cast. I want full use of all my remaining limbs.”

“Ouch...”

You smirk again and shift so you’re now lying on his chest. He strokes your hair absentmindedly and hums, “Do you wanna stay the night?”

“Obviously.”

“Wanna stay like this?”

“Yep.”

He pulls the duvet over and you bury your head into his side with a smile.

You don’t know what time it is when you wake, just that it’s dark and there’s something wet on your leg. You can’t tell if it’s that or the movement next to you that wakes you. Then you hear the moan.

Goosebumps spring up across your skin and you can’t breathe, your face flushing. You roll over carefully, hoping, for once, that it’s nightmare. Please, God, let it be a nightmare.

“Y/N... Y/N... Please...” Bucky murmurs, his hips snapping up quickly and you groan. If your leg wasn’t broken you’d have just walked away or maybe even got involved but right now? You were useless.

“Bucky... Wake up... It’s a dream...”

At the sound of your voice, he moves faster and the wet patch on your leg grows as he moans. Just when you think you’re gonna have to hit him, he stops and opens one bleary eye, “Y/N? Did... Did you say something?”

“Look at my leg and clean yourself up. I won’t mention if you don’t...” you hiss and Bucky flushes, “Shit... Y/N... I didn’t mean to... Shit...”

“I know, I know. I’ll take it as a compliment. What did it for ya?”

Bucky blushes even more, “You said wanted to test my arm out...”

You nod your head and crawl over to the pillows, “I’ll be here when you come back. I promise.”

Bucky shrugs, “It’s not like you’re gonna go anywhere.”

“Hey!”

The next morning, you and Bucky sit by his huge bedroom window overlooking the grounds. He’d brought you breakfast and written another stupid joke on your leg. So far, neither of you had mentioned the incident, but you knew things weren’t gonna stay that way.

“Bucky, I can feed myself!” you giggle as he pushes chocolate toast against your lips, “Stop! Please!”

“You have broken fingers, Y/N, you need my help!” he responds seriously and continues to try and feed you. You shake your head, “I will throw bread at you again, be warned.”

He smirks and stops, his face paling. You know he’s probably just nervous about the treatment, it starts again an hour. His voice juts you, “Talk to me.”

“About?”

“Anything. Distract me. Favourite film, highschool memory, anything.”

“Um... Okay... Well, my favourite high school memory is this dance, My best friend took me and we danced the night away. He was made King and fell over on stage.”

“What type of dance?”

“Homecoming. Happened at one of Stark’s clubs before he owned it. I had this cocktail dress, bright blue for some reason and-- Shit!”

You land on your bum as you fall off the alcove seat, covered in hot coffee. Bucky had jumped and upset the mug, resulting in now burning legs. Somehow, he’d missed the cast.

He helps you and begins to laugh at the sight of your red legs. Bucky doesn’t look impressed, “It’s not funny! You said a word and you know what they are now! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Just... help me clean up and we’ll go downstairs. I think we need to start the treatment.”

Three hours and you’re on the breaking point. Bucky’s screams ring in your ears and Steve slaps his notebook on the table, “We should take a break. Start again after lunch.”

“Agreed. The equipment is draining a lot of the compound’s energy and Bucky needs time to calm down,” nods Bruce, “I’ll go and release him.”

You don’t move as Steve and Bucky trudge out of the cell followed by Bruce, leaving you with Tony. You sit in comfortable silence before clearing your throat. Tony looks up, “You still here, kid?”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure...” Tony sits next to you with a smile, “What’s wrong?”

“This is the start of the 4th week of treatment. It’s constant, painful and unrelenting. I think Bucky needs a holiday. Just me and him. Nowhere hot because of the cast. Just... away from all this.”

Tony hums thoughtfully, “I have a cabin up north... Very modern... You realise you’d only be able to spend a week away. Too long and he might regress.”

“I know. But a week is all we need. Just time away. Please, Tony...”

Tony looks into your eyes and sighs, “You have puppy-dogs eyes, you realise that? I’ll see what I can do...”

You squeal and hug Tony tightly as he laughs.

Taglist:

@indecisivedolly

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detectivejay-chuckles-halstead · 4 years

Text

30 Days // Jay Halstead x Reader // Pt 5:7

Description: 30 Drabbles of Jay and Reader’s life together

Words: 3366

Warnings: PTSD

Pairing: Jay x Reader

A/N: So excited to get this part out. Angsty, my forte. Two more installations, then, a new type of fic which is going to be a risk, but who knows how it’ll end up. Hopefully good. Enjoy!

A/N 2: Also, the next 5 are going to be nothing but pure smut. You have been warned lol

Scars

The sun had started to peak over the horizon, the early rays beginning to shine through the small sliver between curtains. The light fell on Jay’s sleeping form, illuminating pale skin. You weren’t sure why you were up this early, but you weren’t going to complain. It wasn’t every day that you were up before Jay, able to just take in the fact that he was there with you.

The blanket was draped over his hips, Jay laying on his back with his head tilted towards you. His lips were parted slightly, eyes still closed as you saw the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath. You weren’t sure how you were fortunate enough to claim this Adonis as your own, but you did. And you loved him more than you thought possible.

The rays of sunlight not only illuminated his pale skin, but paler marks littered from his life. The slightly red scar at the base of his throat from the tracheostomy tube when he was in the army was still raised, still noticeable though the breathing tube was long gone, though it happened in a different lifetime.

Your gaze continued further down to his left shoulder where two different circular scars were just inches apart. Two separate guns, many years between them. Still, the proof was marked on his skin. You were glad you weren’t there for either of them, not sure what you would do in that situation.

There were smaller, straighter lines along both of his arms. Mostly from shrapnel during his time in the military, from his time at war. You’d never questioned it, never would. Those were his secrets to keep, his stories to tell someday if he wanted.

An incision scar between two ribs caught your eye next. Another that was from his military days, from a chest tube. It seemed like he had a lot of them from back then. Another incision scar on the upper right, just below his ribs. He’d never said what it was from, why he’d gotten it.

Further down still, right above the blanket was another one from a penetrating object. You knew it was no gunshot wound, though. It was too irregular, situated just above his right hip-bone. If he rolled to his side, there’d be a matching one on his back.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he told you softly, eyes fluttering open with a smile.

“I might just take you up on that.” He grabbed you by the waist -- still smiling -- as he pulled you to him. You couldn’t help but giggle, enjoying the feel of his skin under your hands. “I wanted to ask you something, Jay.”

“Anything,” he agreed, without realizing what he was agreeing to.

“You know I’d never push you, never force you to talk about things…” You saw his Adam’s Apple bob in his throat, swallowing hard. It didn’t take a genius to realize he understood what you were getting at. “Why don’t you talk about it?”

“The things I did over there...the things that happened to me. The war was who I was at one point, but not anymore. It’s just a reminder now.” You didn’t say anything else, pressing your lips to his as you cupped his cheek. Jay Halstead, the hero, was yours.

PTSD

You and Jay had only been dating a couple of months, the two of you deciding it was worth it to take the chance. Though, you knew Jay didn’t have the greatest track record with dating his partners. One left him without a word, one died suddenly. You just hoped it didn’t end catastrophically, wanting him to get the happy ending he deserved. Plus, you wanted to be his happy ending.

There were still things that had been unspoken, things he didn’t want to talk about yet. You understood, never pushing it, too scared to push him away in the process. The two of you sat at Molly’s with the team, sipping on your respective drinks. His arm was draped over your shoulder, allowing you to lean into him.

“So, I was thinking about going to Streeterville to watch the fireworks on the 4th. Who’s in?” Adam asked the team. Kevin, Vanessa, and Kim quickly agreed, seeming to be excited about the prospect.

“Halstead?” he asked, peering at the detective over the rim of his glass as he brought it up to his lips. You could feel Jay tense up, rubbing small circles on his lower back where nobody could see.

“Sure, yeah, I’m in,” he agreed, knowing that meant you would go too. You hadn’t had a chance to bond too much with the team, not having many outings since you’d arrived in the unit. This seemed like the perfect opportunity.

The 4th came quicker than you’d expected. Jay had picked you up at five, the two of you meeting everybody at the downtown, rooftop restaurant. It was just a couple blocks away from the pier, a great view for the festivities. Jay hadn’t talked much, seemed to be caught up in his own head. You hadn’t left his side, though, as he tried to focus his attention on you as the group sat around their table, enjoying the food before the fireworks started.

He seemed to come out of his shell a little bit, seeming to enjoy himself. His hand rested on your thigh under the table, a smile on his face. Dinner was finished, drinks coming out as you all situated yourselves for the best view. Chairs were turned, you and Jay situated at the back of the group.

“You okay?” you asked him softly. His face softened, smile pulling up the corners of his lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he assured you, arm draped across the back of your chair. You didn’t see a reason to continue to worry. He wouldn’t lie to you about being fine.

It took all of three minutes into the show to realize that he wasn’t fine. He didn’t have to say anything, the way his muscles stiffened, jaw set as his teeth clenched. It hit you all at once, why he wasn’t fine, mentally slapping yourself.

“Jay,” you said softly, letting your hand rest on his forearm. You didn’t notice at first, but his hands were gripping the arm rests of his chair with pale knuckles. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

You weren’t sure if he heard you, until he followed you as you stood up. A silent thanks was sent to whatever was out there that the rest of the team didn’t notice as you two began making your way to the elevator. Half-way there, he stopped following a particularly loud boom. His eyes were screwed shut, hands shaking as his breaths came fast and shallow.

“You’re okay,” you assured him, cupping his face in soft hands. “You’re safe, Jay. You’re okay. Think you can keep walking to the elevator?” There was no verbal answer, no indication that he understood. Gently, you continued to lead him to the exit.

Once inside, the noise died down a bit, for just a few moments as you took your descent. You could hear his breathing slow down slightly, able to take in some deeper breaths.

“Where are your keys?” you asked him, knowing he wasn’t in the right head-space to drive. His shaking hand reached for his pocket, pulling out the metal and handing it to you. “Where do you want to go?”

That was a loaded question, seeing that he didn’t seem to be all there with you. The elevator dinged, doors sliding open as you hooked your arm around his waist, leading him to the car. Outside again, the echoes of the fireworks continued, flashing lights illuminating the night sky. The walk seemed to take forever, Jay freezing every once in a while, until you reached his truck. As soon as you started the vehicle, you turned on the radio to try and drown out the outside noise.

“Jay, do you want to go to your place or mine?” you asked again.

“Yours,” he finally answered.

The ride was quiet except for the noise of the radio, occasionally glancing over at Jay. He’d unfastened the top two buttons of his shirt, giving him more room to breathe. Once you were parked outside your place, you were hesitant to turn off the truck. You knew that it would be downtown all over again, not wanting to subject Jay to it anymore.

“You ready?” He just nodded in response, getting out of the truck. Quickly, you walked around to his side of the truck, taking his hand before leading him inside. Most of the fireworks had died down, for the most part. There were still going to be people setting them off for the rest of the night, not to mention the downtown display was still going. It was going to be rough.

You turned on the television, getting some other noise in the apartment. Jay stood in your living room, eyes glazed over as his mind continued to replay things you couldn’t even imagine. All you wanted to do was help him, to make sure he knew he was alright and he was safe. Yet, no amount of assurance and reassurance would take those images from his mind.

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll make some coffee,” you suggested, leaving him to do his own thing as you went into the kitchen to turn on the Keurig. You could hear his shoes land on the floor as he kicked him off, the rustle of his jeans as he walked to the couch. You just hoped that the fireworks would start to die down soon.

The Keurig sputtered to life before spitting out hot liquid into the mug. You repeated the action again, stirring in the sugar and creamer for you, sugar for him. You could vaguely hear fireworks continue to go off nearby. As you carried the mugs into the living room, you slowed to kick off your own shoes before sitting down next to him. The mugs were deposited onto the coffee table as you turned to look at him.

He stared straight ahead, back straight as his hands rested flat on his knees. His breathing had finally slowed down to a not border-line hyperventilation state. Though he was there with you, he wasn’t there with you.

“Do you want me to turn on something in particular?” you asked, brows furrowed in worry. You didn’t think you’d ever seen him so quiet. He was usually talking your ear off, looking at you with adoration, cracking jokes. Now, he was just so still, statuesque. There was no answer, so you flipped it to the highlights of the latest Blackhawks game, knowing he enjoyed hockey.

The two of you sat silently on the couch, sipping at your coffee as his grew cold. Eventually, the explosions died down, occasionally hearing the distinct pop in the distance from some teenager setting them off on the street. Eventually, slowly, you saw Jay begin to relax, sagging back into the couch. A shaking hand running down a pale face.

“Do you want to go to bed?” He shook his head, neither of you moving. Quickly, you decided to let him be the one to speak next, let him come back from wherever his mind sent him on his own.

The highlights turned into some sports talk show-esque...you weren’t sure what exactly, not really paying attention to it. Out of the corner of your eye, Jay leaned forward to grab his mug, bringing the ceramic up to his lips.

“Cold coffee is so bad,” he mumbled, standing up and going to the kitchen. You could hear the microwave going before the distinct beep. He sat down next to you, repeating his previous action. “Not as bad.”

Finally, you looked over at him again, hand coming down to rest on his knee.

“You gonna be okay?” It was a loaded question, you knew that. His history was shrouded in some mystery, but you knew the gist of it. Decorated Ranger War Vet, decorated CPD officer, then detective. It wasn’t a huge surprise that he may have...lingering effects from everything he’d seen.

“I will be. I’m sorry.” His apology confused you, his eyes fixed on the television screen.

“Jay,” you called out gently, getting his head to turn. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It would have been nice to know that you have some issues when it comes to fireworks. We could have done something else.”

“I thought you’d want to go, bond with the team.” Your heart broke a little. He’d gone because he thought you wanted to, made himself uncomfortable because he thought it was something you wanted to do.

“Do I want to bond with the team? Of course. But not at the cost of your comfort and peace of mind. Nothing is worth making you uncomfortable like that. I was worried.” He smiled, setting the now empty mug on the table as he leaned his head on your shoulder. Your hands ran through his hair gently as he sighed. “Do you want to talk about it at all?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. How about we plan a trip next year? Just you and me. Maybe a road trip, or camping or something?” It took you by surprise, your suggestion. Did you see yourself with Jay in a year? Of course.

“Yeah. Next year.”

-----

“Hey, Kim and I were talking about getting together for the 4th again,” Adam mentioned to you as you came up the stairs. It took you by surprise, but not really. Adam could be dense at times, apparently not remembering the early departure you and Jay took the year prior.

“Actually, Jay and I have plans. Maybe next year.” Though, you knew it wouldn’t happen again, not unless it was Jay’s idea.

Three days later, you and Jay had situated yourself in his cabin in Wisconsin. There were no neighbors around for miles, which also meant that there would be no fireworks for miles. You were able to take a calm breath, knowing it was just going to be the two of you for the weekend with little to no worries.

“Whatcha thinking?” Jay asked, his arms wrapping around you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder. A smile was evident on his face, feeling how relaxed he was.

“I’m thinking about how we should spend the weekend, and if it’s worth it to even get out of bed,” you answered, feeling the vibrations in his chest as he laughed. “I’m glad we get to just relax for a bit.”

“You and me both. But, I wanted to talk to you about something. Tell you some things,” he told you. The sun was beginning to set, so he walked you to the bedroom. The two of you changed silently before laying down in bed, backs pressed against the headboard.

“I don’t like talking about it, but...I feel like I should at this point. Erin and Hailey got a few tidbits here and there about after I came back, but they never heard any of the stories.” You let your hand rest on his forearm, assuring him you weren’t going anywhere.

“I did two and a half tours. A really good friend of mine, Mouse, and I met at the beginning of our first. It was rough, every time. But we had each other’s backs. Over there and back home.” He took his time, not rushing his words. Occasionally, he’d glance over at you, but didn’t keep prolonged eye contact. “The first two tours were. Well, Hell. The things we did over there, the things we saw. It changes a person. For Rangers, our tours typically only last six months, but the things we do are a lot more specialized. Three months into our last tour…”

“You don’t have to tell me, Jay,” you reminded him.

“I know. I want to though.” You squeezed his arm gently, letting him continue his story. “We were on our way back to base from Kandahar, leading the convoy. I mean, for us there were only three humvees total. But it was the spot nobody wanted. It was me, Mouse, Hollingsworth, and Reaper. We were bullshitting mostly, glad to be getting to head back. All of us were in such need of a full meal and a shower.” He chuckled before his face dropped. “One minute everything was fine, we were fine. The next...I woke up and my ears were ringing. My head pounding. Just everything hurt. I wish I could forget the details.” His eyes started glistening as he continued.

“We hit an IED. If there’s one thing about IEDs, they’re unforgiving. Doesn’t matter who you are. The Humvee was on fire. My legs were pinned by metal. Just looking around, the blast made it to the others too. Mouse was. He was the one who sat by me as we were fired at. It was so hard to breathe.

I remember just wanting to go home. We were out there for three days before the extracted us. Out of the 12 men that went on that mission, six died, and five of us got sent out to Germany for medical care. Not before getting to the medical tent at base. That’s cowboy medicine, keeping everything inside until we could get to a hospital.

Mouse and I were medically discharged. One other was medically discharged as well, the other two got sent state-side before going back for another tour. I was in Germany for...I want to say it was a little over a month. I don’t remember much from my time there. Then, we got sent state-side to Walter Reed until we were cleared to come home. When I found out Hollingsworth and Reaper didn’t make it, a part of me broke. It seemed to be the four of us against the world. When Hollingsworth got taken, the things we did to get him back.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.” He finally looked at you. “I can’t begin to imagine what all of that was like.”

“I do my best, handle it the best I can. There are just times where I can’t. I couldn’t fire a gun for the longest time. Or ride in a car. Everything that I couldn’t do when I first got back that I can do now...and it’s still the simple things that get to me. A car backfiring, fireworks. Shoot at me all day, but god forbid I try to do anything on the Fourth of July.”

“Whatever your triggers are, as simple as they might be, are as much of a part of you as anything else. And you know what?”

“What?”

“That’s okay. You’re not in this alone, Jay. Whatever they are, I’m here to make sure you know you’re okay and that you’re safe.” He sighed, pulling you to his chest as he pressed a kiss to your head. You’d always make sure he knew he was okay.

Sleep

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?” Jay asked as you struggled to keep your eyes open, head bent over the papers on your desk. The case was wearing you down, making you hit mental blocks you didn’t even know you had. You had to figure it out, figure out why this woman had to die.

“I-I don’t…” You shook your head, eyes heavy as you heaved out a breath. The failed attempt at wiping the exhaustion off your face didn’t work. Your shoulders shrugged, looking up at him with tired eyes. He looked exhausted as well, you all did.

“Everybody, go home,” Voight finally said. “Recharge, come back in the morning. It’ll be easier after we’ve all had some good shut eye.”

You didn’t move from your chair, not until Jay was helping you stand up, his arm holding up your body weight as you sagged into him. His words were lost on you, half asleep by the time he got you in the car. Jay was going to take care of you, you were sure of it.

#jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #fanfiction

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