#I just love how they canonically scammed people

[fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma]

They’re about to go commit tax fraud

#toph beifong #katara #atla #atla fanart #I just love how they canonically scammed people #Toph’s a little crime lord yes but what about her crime lord older sister #I just imagine that on the brief occasion that they stop arguing they are impossible to be around bc #they just #absolutely roast the living daylights out of any poor victim #(or band together to commit various crimes)

[seventeendeer]

sorry to keep bitching about frustrating rain world fandom trends, but I think if you read downpour as a pure "being alive is good, actually" metaphor with a weird dissonant twist at the end (saint's campaign), that ... reveals a shockingly surface-level reading of the story that ignores every interesting question the game poses in favor of trying to force a comfortable, one-note moral that only actually works if you ignore a significant amount of canon.

like, I'm sorry, but there's no way to in good faith pry a straight answer out of this story. I know fandom tumblr is a hotspot for disillusioned former christians, and stories about how religion isn't all it's chalked up to be are comforting for many, but this simply is not that kind of story. if that's your takeaway from it - that the world the game presents is worth sticking with, that ascension isn't the right choice - that makes sense, it's a valid personal opinion to come away with. however, to argue that the void sea endings are objectively the "bad" endings, or that saint's campaign makes no sense thematically, is to overlook a massively important reason why rain world works so well as a game in the first place: it's intended to be a choice.

saint's ascension ability is in YOUR hands. the game is asking you, the player, what you got out of this, what you think is best. it is asking you to reflect on the themes it's been trying to communicate to you for the last several dozen hours

(can you cope with a life that brings you more pain than joy? if there was another way to exist, would you choose to change? what would you give up to attempt another existence? everything? what if you're being fooled and you're chasing a terrible fate? what if powerful people are preying on your misery and it's all a scam? what is left of you when stripped of all things that cause pain? is it your true self? in a world without pain, what is even left? what if it's everything that means the most to you? what if you're going home? what if you could love without the fear of pain, loss, sickness, death? is the grand more important than the small? is it better to stick with familiar pain, or to chase something frightening that may ultimately make you happy? who can you trust to guide you? who will take advantage of you on the way there? what would get in your way? your own ego? your guilt? bitterness? love for the world you know, an ability to see beauty in the midst of tragedy? is this weakness or strength? etc etc etc don't even get me started on the commentary on religious institutions, classism, structural and familial abuse, and how this is all woven together)

like, I'm sorry, rain world is not a saturday morning cartoon trying to teach you life lessons, it's a piece of interactive fiction using game mechanics as a vehicle for some extremely interesting philosophical discussions, which it politely asks you to actively engage with as you go along. I'm sorry if that's uncomfortable to people who don't relate to those topics, but declaring bad writing on a piece of fiction for not presenting you with a clear-cut moral stance at the end that already aligns with your personal lived experience is just ... a godawful way to interact with stories.

(deliberately handwaving or ignoring major and obvious pieces of symbolism for the sake of declaring it a Good Story That Agrees With You, Actually frankly isn't much better. stop making me read analysis posts where half the story has to be a drug trip for your point to make sense)

#deerchatter #rain world #rain world analysis #yeah im putting it in the tag idc i love this game and if this can make just 1 person go back to the source material and try to #appreciate it in a new way then i'm happy. it has so much to say and i wish more people would listen #im not debating this btw <3 but feel free to ask questions ofc

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Mammon's such a fascinating character because canonically:

*good at solving complex mathematical problems in his head in a matter of seconds*

*understands people, their emotions and how they'd react to specific situations and uses that knowledge to manipulate them and get what he wants (whether that's some physical object or a certain reaction from them or just for them to calm down)*

*when there's no other choice at all, he steps up and effectively takes charge*

*a good teacher and seems to have a good balanced mix between being strict, encouraging and helpful*

*whenever Lucifer wants a job done well (no matter what the job is), he relies on Mammon (and has done so since they were angels)*

*scams usually work, he just tends to get caught at the end*

*came up with a code on the spot to tell MC he missed them while also being a comprehensible message on its own, that fit with his 'tsundere' personality*

*constantly found ways to sneak into the human world from the Celestial Realm*

*has fast and spontaneous reactions during high stake situations where you need to move/react fast*

*enjoys playing chess*

*can multitask well*

*actual emotional intelligence*

*one of the first brothers (the second?) to realise there was something wrong with Simeon*

*has a variety of skills that range from making balloon animals to fitting in seamlessly in a corporate environment*

*extremely hardworking when there's a goal he genuinely wants that he's working towards*

*when giving it his all he tends to pick up new skills easily*

*by his younger brothers' own admittance, he can do anything, complete any task and he can do it well as long as he puts effort into it*

But also canonically:

*had no idea what the fuck rent was*

*a shit liar*

*said "what if I accidentally tell MC I'm in love with them" to MC*

*constantly failing all his classes*

*easily falls for traps/curses*

*emotional intelligence fizzles out when it comes to talking about his own problems/admitting anything about himself*

*bet and lost their new house*

*managed to trick himself into believing he'd get a prize if he won a competition that Diavolo explicitly said there was no prize for*

*came up with a plan to win the competition in a matter of seconds, easily and constantly changing it to better fit the situation at hand. a plan that worked extremely well. lost the competition because he couldn't be bothered to check the title of a book*

Mammon's a character who'll break down and teach you PhD level Mathematics without breaking a sweat and then ask you what kind of animal the Pink Panther is in the next sentence.

I love him. I want to study him under a microscope.

What makes this even better is that I'm 100% sure his brothers have managed to gaslight the entire fandom into thinking he's the biggest fucking idiot alive with just the windows screensaver bouncing around in his head and nothing else

Don't get me wrong, he's a dumbass. He probably runs face first into a glass door at least once a week. But also....I mean....c'mon

In conclusion,

If you like Mammon, you're NOT a morosexual. You're a morosexual with a competency kink. Good Day.

On a side note, all of mammon's traits are like this,

*he's greedy but here's a long list of all the times he put his friends and family before money*

*he's a jerk but here's a long list of when he's one of the kindest people and an amazing brother*

*he's possessive but here's a long list of all the times he put mc's consent and/or choices above all else*

he drives me mad.

#in conclusion i love him #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #shall we date? obey me! #swd obey me #obey me mammon #om! mammon #swd mammon #shall we date mammon #obey me! mammon #om mammon #mammon x gender neutral reader #mammon x gn!mc #mammon x gn!reader #mammon x reader #mammon x oc #mammon x mc #mammon x you #mammon x y/n #oc x mammon #mc x mammon #you x mammon #y/n x mammon #reader x mammon #swd obey me! #shall we date obey me

[convolutedblasphemy]

Characters that are aroace according to me and several other people who have approved these headcanons. Explanation for who they are under the cut + brief summary of the source material because if you haven't consumed these yet, you should! (I need more people to talk about them with)

1. Toshinori Yagi: He's the main characters' mentor and No. 1 Hero in the anime and manga "My Hero Academia" which follows the story of Izuku Midoriya, a high school student who was born without powers in a world where about 80% of the population has superpowers, as he attends a prestigious hero academy to become a licensed superhero. Watch the show.

Aroace level: has never shown romantic or sexual attraction to anyone in canon, has however shown what I interpreted as sex repulsion on a few instances in bonus material. the aces in the fandom crowd around him. it's a popular headcanon.

2. Monkey D. Luffy: Protagonist of One Piece, which follows his very, very long journey across the world with his friends / pirate crew in order to find the One Piece, the most legendary pirate treasure, and become the pirate king. Watch the show.

Aroace level: basically as aroace as you can make a character without explicitly using the terminology. crap ton of evidence to support this both in the source material and in stuff the mangaka said. like genuinely, I consider Luffy an aroace protagonist.

3. Sampo Koski: A playable character in Hoyoverse's turn-based gacha game "Honkai: Star Rail" where a group of people travel on an intergalactic train to different worlds in order to get rid of the Stellarons, known as the "Cancer of All Worlds". He's a jester-type character who scams people. Play the game.

Aroace level: Personal Headcanon with no canon evidence but somehow the aroaces on Tumblr crowd around him.

4. Michael: A timeless being who oversees the neighborhood in which the show is set. The story follows Eleanor Shellstrop who falsely got sent to The Good Place (basically heaven) after she died and is now trying to learn to become a better person so she can stay there. Show is hilarious, teaches you about philosophy and has a lot of unexpected twists and turns! Watch the show.

Aroace level: Listen I do not know a single person, ace or not, who knew what "aroace" is and walked away from this show not under the impression that Michael is aroace. He's a very aroace character. You'll understand if you watch it.

5. Dr. Robotnik: Antagonist of the Sonic The Hedgehog movies. Watch them.

Aroace level: Do not come for me with this one because he gets shipped with his assistant and there's a lot of people saying they're undeniably gay and in love with each other but this is a character who's struggled with alienation a lot and openly mocks the average person's socially expected life; the headcanon basically writes itself.

6. 9th Doctor: Listen, I wouldn't know how to summarize Doctor Who even if I tried but it has time travel, aliens and chaos. Watch the show.

Aroace level: The Doctor in general is a very asexual character (even said by Matt Smith himself), and this one in particular just struck me as very aro as well. He kisses another character in the show but I did not register that as romantic at all...

7. Benjamin Linus: An antagonist (you will go back and forth between loathing his guts and loving him. also he gets beaten up a lot. like an almost comical amount) and pretty major character in "Lost", a show that follows the passengers of a plane crash after they landed on a mysterious, seemingly deserted island where strange things are happening. Watch the show, it's fantastic.

Aroace level: Personal Headcanon. Doesn't have a love interest or displays sexual attraction in a show where a lot of characters do. Singular attempt at romance looked more like display of his mental health issues than genuine romantic attraction.

8. JB Cox: A master thief who's simultaneously very cunning and also very stupid. Basically live action version of Sampo Koski. He's from the series "The Hardy Boys", which follows the teenage brothers Frank and Joe Hardy as they try to solve the mystery behind their mother's murder. Contains murder mystery, crime and secret societies. Watch the show, I have no one to talk about it with. Not a single person.

Aroace level: Not a singular display of romantic or sexual attraction but also he's the only notable character of his age group in this show. Lives in a secret hideout / apartment and spends his life breaking into buildings and stealing things for people who hire him. I cannot look at this man and imagine him as someone with a love life. I just can't.

#toshinori yagi #aroace #asexual #aromantic #aro #ace #monkey d. luffy #sampo koski #michael the good place #the good place michael #9th doctor #doctor who

[cloverthebarbearian]

I am here to feed the Rugan community to the very best of my ability 😌❤️ she's a long list fella's so get comfy

Masterlist of Rugan HCs (NSFW under cut)

Rugan on the Road

With the Zhentarim

He's incredibly bossy while never doing much hands on work himself

He's always trying to find shortcuts to getting a job done quick and easy

Constantly pulling 'we're a team here we're family c'mon now' if his crew starts bickering

Empty promises of promotions or good words put in for low ranking recruits if they do extra work for him

But if you ACTUALLY manage to impress him though? He will show favoritism and not even try to hide it

Doesn't care much for following orders if he can get more from a better deal, but has been getting sloppier about hiding his schemes with age (girl why did you offer to split profits on a smuggling job with a complete stranger for real)

Big drinker, heavy sleeper, still somehow the first to wake up every morning

Also the first one to duck during a battle if he finds an opening

First one to act like 'we sure showed them! By working together. As a team.' When the fights been won

As much as he loves to slack off and take shortcuts, you'll never catch him complaining about the 'little' things. Low rations? Not hungry. Long journey? We need the exercise. Small crew? Good for stealth, travel light.

Even though he's a selfish asshole, he has a really charming demeanor and good enough attitude during the shittiest of situations that most people find themselves enjoying the journey with him by the end of the day

With Tav's Party

(Let's say after you've saved him from being near beat to death for finally getting caught scamming the Zhents, you convince him to let you escort him to Baldur's Gate just to make sure he doesn't get jumped again and fucking Die)

The man is SO flirty. He can't stop flirting. Depends on if Tav is into it or not will drastically change how he comes onto them, but note its not JUST Tav hes flirting with. He's got eyes on practically everyone. (Except Laezel. He tried, once. She threatened to kill him) No one knows if hes serious or if its just his personality but the man can't stop flirting.

At first, he puts in some work. Wanting to put in a little effort to carry his own weight and not be a burden, though Tav insists on him resting after the ordeal

But it doesn't take long for him to milk the mothering. His injuries suddenly become too distractingly painful. Even though Shadowheart absolutely mended that broken rib two nights prior. He insists the bruising is still pretty serious. He needs to save his strength for travel.

The entire party gets pretty sick of his BS after a while, but its not enough to kick him out or anything

Phrases like 'shut up rugan' or 'fuck off rugan' become campsite mottos

Once you all get to Baldur's Gate, its a funny, bittersweet dynamic of everyone saying they're releaved he's finally leaving, but reluctant to say goodbye

The first night without him is unusually quiet without his drunken campfire stories and earth shakingly loud snores

Rugan as a Mentor

No ulterior motives in the sense that, he only ever recruits people he also finds attract. A bias he refuses to outright acknowledge ('I have an eye for talent! Not my fault the talents also a looker 😏') so he would recruit Tav with every intention of possibly bedding them. The motives are not ulterior. They are perfectly apparent.

Similar to in game canon, he'd recruit them by trying to come to some sort of sale arrangement. Though lets say instead of selling the chest to split profits for themselves, he convinces Tav that rescuing him would surely warrant a reward back at their base, which would in turn lead to more jobs, which would lead to more money for them

Always insists on training his personal recruitments himself (for the non-ulterior ulterior motives)

Is FULLY the type of coach who has to insist their stance is all wrong so he can stand intimately behind them and guide their limbs to the proper position

He's got his cheek pressed to their's, gruff voice low, talk'm'bout 'You're far too tense, Sweetheart. You really need to relax those shoulders and widen your stance, like this...'

He's entirely aware of what he's doing and makes Zero effort to be subtle about it

General Rugan HCs

SFW

Drinks a lot but holds it well

Getting him truly drunk is VERY funny and usually ends up with him gushing about how much he cares about his friends, his guild mates, stuff he'd never be caught dead saying sober, and will insist he never said drunk either

Has 101 stories of his decades running jobs on the road, most of which you're certain are entirely made up... Until you meet an old business partner of his one day, who can corroborate the tale

For such an experienced merc/trader, surprisingly light on battle scars

Very, VERY ready for retirement. May have even been getting sloppy with his scams on purpose in the hopes of being kicked from the zhents all along...

NSFW

The man fucks. The man FUCKS. Rough and sloppy and hard and like its the last romp he'll ever have every single time.

Will always make sure his partner finishes, typically more than once

Likes to choke his partners

Likes to cum on their face

*Gasp*! Oh noooo, we can't find/afford a room to rent for the night. I guess I'm just gonna have to take you right here in this ally by the bar 🤷🏼‍♂️ but you better be quiet, unless you want to get caught...

Big into dirty talk and will practically narrate his plans for the evening as he acts on them

Has the stamina to last hours and prefers to take his time but still always down for a quickie where he can get it

Sorry everyone, but the idea of aftercare is lost on him. When you're both finally spent he's literally tossing you a damp rag while he steps out to smoke a Fantasy Cigarette

Cuddles in his sleep, and doesn't even know this about himself. But you will wake up in a near-suffocating bearhug if you fall asleep together

#rugan #rugan bg3 #bg3 rugan #rugan x tav #tav x rugan #this one goes out to the rugan fuckers! all four of us I see you

[obey-me-disaster]

How would they spend their Valentine's Day in the human world

This is part of two of this post, but this time with the dateables. Ignore that Valentine's day has already passed ^-^

Dateable x gn!MC (without Luke)

Diavolo

He was beyond excited about spending Valentine's day with MC. Even more so in the human world. This way they can get away from prying eyes in Devildom.

Makes reservation to some of the best high end restaurants in the human world. He takes the oportunity to try various foods from the human world, especially the ones that MC seems to like.

This is the guy that bought a plot of land for Lucifer just for fun. He will spoil the hell out of MC. I am talking about the finest of jewelry/clothes/items related to their hobbies. He does not hold back.

After dinner he takes MC to explore the city. If it's a city they are familiar with he will beg ask them to show him around. If they are in an unfamiliar place he will insist they go sight seeing together.

He will get some weird looks from people. While in the human world no one knows him as the future king of Devildom, he is still the owner of one of the most successful hotel chains. Also he is dressed extremely fancy but that's beside the point.

He got no sense of danger when it comes to human world. It's canon that he does not understand the concept of stranger danger. He will get scammed if MC is not careful not that his wallet would feel it..

Barbatos

It's Diavolo that convinces him to go celebrate it in the human world. That way he would be far away from his duties as a butler.

Since he is in the human world he wants to try and bake different pastries. He will especially try to make ones that he thinks MC might like.

Would love it even more if they joined him in both shopping for ingredients and baking. It would be like a cute cooking date before actually going out.

Once they are done with baking Barbatos will take them out to have a picnic somewhere with a nice view and away from people. With his powers that could be anywhere. Literally-

MC will have to stop him from trying to serve them different foods and actually relax and not act like a butler. Nothing that a bottle of demonus can't solve MC gotta thank Diavolo for giving them some of his expensive demonus

In theory, once their date is gone they could easily go back to Devildom using Barbatos's powers but he decides to spend the night in the human world. Once he will be back to Devildom he will get busy again, so he wants to enjoy MC's company as much as he can while they are still alone with him.

Depending on MC they could also go to a metal concert while in the human world. He likes that kind of music.

Simeon

It doesn't matter if the two of them will go eat somewhere, he still prepared some home made snacks for the two of them. Luke even helped him!

For the first part of theit date he would love to take it slow and enjoy the human. They might go together to a library and choose a book for each other and then start reading while they eat the food he made in some park.

Once he makes sure that MC is well fed and energized he takes them to an escape room! He loves those

It would be like they have their own adventures, just like the characters in one of his books.

It would probably try to take his sweet time escaping just so he could make the date last as long as possible. He thinks he is being really smart about it...but he forgets about the employees looking through the security cameras. More like he didn't even knew about them.

Even MC noticed the he would try to slow down their escape just so they could spend time together. He could blame it on him not being good with technology so many times after all..

He got no choice but to speed up the whole thing once he got told he can't delay escaping any longer.

This happens after both of them get back to Devildom, but Simeon wants to share all the photos he took on their date...only to realize that 90% of the photos are so bad that he has to delete them...

Solomon

Date at an interactive museum. He loves to experiment and learn new things so he would take MC to one of those museums where you can interact with all sorts of things.

The two of them just spend a lot of time fooling around in there before they leave to go somewhere else. Since they are in the human world he would like to keep it 'normal' but he can't resist the temptation of taking them to various magical places.

I am talking about going to see fucking fairies and magical museums that are hidden in plain sight. Anything that MC might think were only fairy tales or urban legends, he will prove them other wise.

The date quickly turns into 'showing MC all the magical stuff they didn't think it was real. On one hand he doing it that to make them happy since he likes the look on their face when they discover something new, but for the most part he is just showing off.

He even takes them flying in a place where he knows humans wouldn't see them or the levi couldn't follow them using a drone.

The night would have ended like some fairy tale if it wasn't for Solomon insisting that he cooks something for them to end things on a good note.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me headcanons #obey me diavolo #obey me diavolo x mc #obey me diavolo headcanons #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos headcanons #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me simeon #obey me simeon x reader #obey me simeon x mc #obey me simeon headcanons #obey me solomon #obey me solomon x reader #obey me solomon headcanons #obey me solomon x mc

[watchingyoufromthestars]

Finally cleaned this up so here’s my DnDads ultimate ship opinions list. I was waiting until after s2 ended to clean this up in case I had any final opinion changes with the last few episodes. Please don’t bash me for any of these. The DnDads fandom is generally very nice but shipping discourse is something that can get heated no matter the fandom.

Dads

Henry Darryl: very neutral. I understand the ship I just never fully got on the boat

Henry Glenn: absolutely fucking feral about them do not get me started on Glennry

Darryl Glenn: feral in a different way that I don’t know how to describe other than toxic yaoi in the way that they’re damaged but refuse to talk about it so they kiss about it instead

Loveeeeeeee polydads but only as Henry/Glenn/Darryl. Not really a Ron shipper I love him and Samantha too much. Ron and Glenn’s friendship is very important to me though

In terms of Jodie, I don’t really ship him with any of the main dads, ESPECIALLY not Glenn. Even if Jimmy didn’t play Jodie I’d still never ship them. Wish Scamster was real and not completely a scam because they’re literally a crackship become real except it was never a crackship before canon. It’s surprising to me that they weren’t really shipped beforehand

Henry Mercedes: THE T4T OF ALL TIME BABEYYYYY. Absolutely iconic couple, fate was in their favor with how they met they were destined for each other

Darryl Carol: After hearing how Darryl talked about his family in Heaven, I was actually really happy they ended up not getting divorced. They clearly had a rough patch as seen in s1, but they genuinely love each other and I love how devoted to her Darryl is. The little finger puppet he made of her in the time out zone… :,)

Glenn Morgan: GLORGAN!!!!!!!!! Oh my god these two tear me apart. I am feral for Glorgan angst there’s too much to work with. More people need to start calling them Glorgan instead of Morglenn please please please please pretty please indulge me in my silly ship name

Ron Samantha: sobbing. They’re so sweet. The distinction that Samantha is also a little silly is very important to me. They love each other so fucking much

Kiddads

Nicky Sparrow: didn’t realize how much I love them for a good while but when I did oh god I love them so so much. T4T it’s so real to me that they’re both trans

Nicky Lark: used to like it but yall mischaracterize Nicky so much in fics. If yall want toxic yaoi just ship Grant and Lark I’m so serious

Nicky Terry: sobs. They were best friends. I don’t personally ship them but the fact that Terry said he was his best friend… that line rattles around in my brain so often

Nicky Grant: recently learned this might get shipped and has THE coolest ship name. Crossfire I love you but for the ship name alone

Sparrow Terry: I think I’ve seen this shipped a few times but only in the context of Terry/Nicky/Sparrow. Not my personal cup of tea though

Sparrow Grant: I don’t see this shipped too often but they have the worst ship name ever /aff. Wtf is a spant lol. Also I’m too much team transfem Sparrow to feel comfortable shipping this

Lark Terry: do not know the appeal of Gun Control but their ship name is fun

Lark Grant: toxic yaoi central. They both need intense therapy but them both being so fucked up is what makes them interesting not that that’s healthy though

Terry Grant: I see them more in a qpr place than anything romantic. I have one fic of them that’s bookmarked on Safari because I think about a part from it from time to time

Don’t have any poly ships for them

In terms of s2 spouses I so desperately wished we could’ve seen more of them. We barely get to see them

Nicky Cassandra: Telling Taylor his dad was a good man and that she misses him every day makes me think they parted on good terms. But then Nicky disappeared because of FBI shit. In another life maybe they could’ve worked.

Sparrow Rebecca: more ugly sobbing. I’m unsure on my sparroace thoughts if they’d end up getting divorced post-finale but I know they’re not fully separating or breaking up. They really are in love but it’s unconventional and messy.

Terry Veronica: I think the reveal that Terry is infertile is a nice touch to their relationship. It sounds weird to say and I feel like I might word this all weirdly. Him being unable to have bio kids but finding love in someone who wants to raise a kid with him anyways. Veronica finding new love again after a supposedly abusive relationship. Both of those combined is something I really love.

Grant Marco: Canon gays ftw. The Titanic episode was so generous in letting us get to see their dynamic. Obviously Grant still has a long way to go in finding self love but I’m so happy he found someone who can support him and loves him back like this.

Teens

Normal Scary: ugly sobbing over them I love them so much. Cradling my madomagi and tma aus with them as madohomu and jmart

Normal Taylor: yearning for the early s2 days like when they went to Sonic and made some devious plan off screen I wish they had more silly interactions together. Was truly fed with the kareoke intro and them bonding over costume making for a minute. Tayloak could be so interesting if there was more material to work with

Normal Link: Childhood BFFs to Lovers; I wish they could’ve hung out more as kids but all that happened

Normal Hermie: I get the hype but I have personal reasons for feeling neutral on them that I wish I could get over. Good soup though /ref

Scary Taylor: see them too much as a sibling dynamic to ever ship them

Scary Link: respect to all y’all shippers but I do not gothcleats and will leave it at that forever. I can only accept the finale with my transfem Link hc

Scary Hermie: I love Scene Partners. These stupid kids and reflecting each other /aff

Taylor Link: one that I can’t believe I didn’t ship sooner they’re so silly

Link Hermie: I think this one is very funny (/pos) but not my personal vibe

Love love LOVEEEEEEEE Marloakworthy AUGH. A giant triangle of everyone paralleling each other

Polywagon I love you; cannot believe you’re real and genuinely canon. This is just Homestuck again when Hussie said all ships are canon (DnDads never beating the Homestuck allegations from me)

Scary Erica: wish there were more interactions I love Erica so much but alas she’s a guest NPC. “You awaken a lightness in me” sapphic ass Scary I know what you are

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s1 #dndads s2 #dndads season 2 #there’s no way I can tag everyone and every ship just pretend that I did #I could barely tag everyone when I did the stained glass art

[astaraels]

You don’t get how bad I need your fem!gallavich headcanons 😭😭 (that being said pls - with no pressure - share some 🙏🙏🙏)

OKAY DON'T WORRY I'VE GOT A LOT OF THEM TO SHARE WITH YOU I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME GOOD WLW FEM!GALLAVICH FEELS (these may be a little all over the place but just roll with me here okay? okay here we go)

to start with, Ian is a nickname for Lillian, Mickey is a nickname for Mykhaila (Ukrainian feminine form of Mikhailo)—they'd still go by Ian and Mickey, because if Lip can be a nickname for Phillip then all bets are fucking off :p

technically all of this started with my brain going "lesbian gallavich with hella self image issues" because they don't feel like they can measure up to their "prettier" sister (Mandy and Fiona) but both of them thinking the other is gorgeous as hell. Mickey being kind of a femme/butch (which is why she's the one who calls the shots with her brothers, she's the tomboy compared to Mandy), and Ian wanting to be all pretty and femme but doesn't think there's a point to it because money and also she doesn't think highly of herself

things would be way different for them both as lesbians—Ian would definitely still be the forgotten middle child, although she and Lip would still be Fiona's backup ("you two are my rocks") because I refuse to believe that girl Ian wouldn't be just as committed to ROTC and fitness as canon Ian. She'd be able to kick anyone's ass any day of the week. I think she'd really look up to Lip and ofc he'd love Ian as his little sister but like, with the same kind of condescending vibe he gives Fiona and Debbie? Although maybe since they're practically twins his misogyny toward Ian wouldn't be as blatant.

she'd still be taller than him (tallest Gallagher no matter what!) and have long red hair that she just throws back in a bun or ponytail all military style. I can't see her having short hair just because short cuts can be a lot to maintain, better just to let it grow and keep it pulled back. (I know, I've thought way too much about the little stuff lol)

Mickey would be very punk. With an undercut and all kinds of piercings. Mandy gets more attention from boys but Mickey does get her share, although of course she's like blegh. She'd rather be kicking ass and taking names and proving to her dad that she's just as good at being a fuckin Milkovich as Iggy and Colin—she's got more brains than both of them combined and she's smart as a whip when it comes to doing math, as well as where scamming people is concerned. Terry would begrudgingly acknowledge this but never misses a chance to put her down because she's just another dumb bitch. Only serves to make Mickey more determined to show what she can do, though, and her brothers and cousins are no match for her when it comes to scrappy back alley fighting. She climbed to the top of the heap early on and punches out anyone who tries to take her on.

Ian absolutely falls in the lesbian stereotype of wearing flannel constantly. I feel like she would want to do girly sorts of things but like, doesn't feel she'd measure up to Fiona or other girls so she just sticks with "comfortable" as her main fashion staple. Her and Debbie probably share a room too, although as I said above, she's still super close with Lip. Debbie would ADORE her big sister, would look up to and admire Ian because they've got so much in common—it might even be that she finds Ian's lesbian porn and that's how she knows about it ("penetration isn't required for sex to occur").

I'm not sure how they'd meet in this au but it would still probably involve Mickey chasing Ian around trying to beat her up lmao. my original thought was maybe like, either Mickey chased after Ian because of something Lip did in a reverse of canon, or Mandy thought Ian was talking shit about her. Regardless, the idea of 5'1" Mickey chasing after 5'9" Ian is hilarious especially because I feel like Ian would end up being almost six foot tall by the time she's done with puberty.

even once Ian and Mandy end up being bffs (there'd definitely be some miscommunication, but Ian doesn't wanna get murdered by the Milkovich siblings, so she manages to clear the air with Mandy when she can get away from Mickey and their brothers), Ian probably wouldn't tell Mandy she's gay, gotta keep that shit on lock. So once they're besties she's gotta endure all the boy talk and be like oh haha yeah totally…but at some point Mandy would figure it out, probably because she's not dumb and also Ian "play what cool" Gallagher is not as subtle as she thinks she is. But Mandy, other than asking if Ian has the hots for her ("you're beautiful, but I like you better as my friend"), is actually pretty chill and realizes she doesn't actually mind hanging out with a lesbo. Yes, Ian and Mandy and Mickey would use all the derogatory slurs that get used towards lesbians, although Ian is used to the casual homophobia and Mickey is the most homophobic gay ever (I feel like she'd definitely call herself a fag and a dyke once she gets more comfortable in her identity).

idk how the whole grooming thing with Kash and Ned would transfer over—maybe Ned would be some rich lesbian cougar who wants a kept girl or something. But that's unfortunately a big part of Ian's character, the middle kid who's the only one to be physically abused (and yeah, Frank would still hit Ian, boy or girl), and is desperate for any kind of affection so attaches to anyone who gives it. Kash might be a (seemingly) meek wife to some bruiser of a husband who's short and has small dog syndrome, and that makes her sympathetic in Ian's eyes, thus making it easier for her to take advantage of Ian. I try not to think about Kash too much but it is an important part of Ian's self-image

I'm gonna talk about s3 in its own post because I have some Thoughts and Ideas for some changes to make things interesting :p

season 4 would be really even more depressing because I think that when Ian is manic (there'd be no running away to the army because she couldn't use Lip's identity; instead she'd go straight her sugar mama and from there calls Monica when things get too wild) she'd end up getting pimped out by Monica to really gross straight dudes—not that there aren't creeper lesbians who like younger women, but in general it'd be easier for her to find a job stripping at a regular club (lesbian bars don't seem to have the same opportunities as a straight bar or a men's gay bar do wrt making money). Poor Lip and Debbie finding her in the skimpiest outfit, worse than anything Fiona ever had to wear for a job, with way too much makeup on and dollar bills tucked in her underwear, coked out as hell, skinny enough you can see her hipbones, brain and mouth going about 300 miles a minute...ugh.

But Mickey coming and bringing her home safe and sound <3 beating up the skeevy guys trying to roofie her <33 watching over Ian while she sleeps <333

In a happier train of thought, I love the idea that Mickey really likes Ian's long hair and plays with it when she's not really thinking and Ian gets all 😍😍😍 because it means Mickey might like her omg. Mickey has a partial undercut and Ian loves the texture of the shaved part of her hair. Tells her not to let it grow back out and everything.

Mickey having to stand on her tiptoes to kiss her stupidly tall gf ("You're too tall, Red" "Complain all you want, Mick, you know you like it”). Mickey likes getting manhandled but only by Ian—anyone else tries it and they're losing a hand. But Ian shoves her against a wall and does her whole cocky, smug, looming thing and Mickey can't help but melt in her arms (not that she'd let Ian know about it, not at first; gotta make Gallagher work for that shit. Just cause she's a fag doesn't mean that she's anyone's bitch!).

I also like to think that Ian would try the super femme thing in s4 era and Mickey, once out, would be a little more comfortable being more butch, but they both come off as a mix? I just love the idea of fem!gallavich playing with gender stuff in that very specific lesbian relationship with gender—on one of Mickey's more butch days Ian jokes and calling Mickey her boyfriend and Mickey being like oh

personally I feel like Mickey in her dyke era (s5) is an absolute pint-sized powerhouse, and still an absolute fashion icon because those cut-off vests? the tank tops? perfection🤌🏻

most of my thoughts are of early gallavich because I think things would go much differently since Sammi can't call the MPs on Ian in this au, but lemme just say that there's some fun stuff I'll be adding in another ask to add to the DRAMA

#gallavich #fem!gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #leinth answers #rule 63 all the things

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 2 of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For John and Jack:

So, they both are literal murders. One of them is a little bit more insane than the other. Okay, the little bit part is not right, totally insane that is John, yes. But gonna love him though. He had been in rehab for alcohol, drugs, sex and murder. Don't kiss him, he might be wearing poisoning lipstick. They are canon mlm. They had been stuck in a two week time loop for five years, which was like leading a married life for them. They didn't actually marry, but they were partners, both in business and sexually. They worked together for an time agency. Then Jack's memories of two years were erased and he left. He went into  independent self deployment, doing scams using his knowledge of future events. After that he build an alien hunting institute in Cardiff, Wales. When John and Jack see eachother again after years, you don't know whether they will they kiss or fight. They do both. Did I tell you that along this story Jack became an inmortal who can't stay dead? No matter how or how often he dies or is killed, he keeps coming back to life. This is all very scraping on the surface, but oh boy, would it be at least a novella to describe them.

They worked together in the Time Agency where they did horrible things to the extent where Jack had two years of his memory stolen so that he couldn’t know what he’d done. They were also in a time loop together for five years where they canonically thought of each other as the wife (John was a good wife :3), and were basically married. Then they had a divorce arc and they both separately went rogue from the Agency to become conmen, although they still worked together/clashed on occasions, always still with that spark of passion. “Frenemies with benefits” Jack called them once, although John preferred “my lover, my rival, my nemesis and destiny. And bane of my bloody life.” Canon finds us where Jack has tried to reform and be a better person, but John is still chasing cons, and all he wants to do is bring Jack back to the stars with him, back to the crime and the glitter of the galaxies (it doesn’t work and he shoves Jack off a building but Jack got himself immortal so he’s fine <3) anyway I am very normal about them xoxo

In John's introduction to the series he shows up on a roof where some guy is mugging someone, grabs him by the throat and dangles him over the edge of the building while this guy begs for his life before dropping him just because he felt like it. When John and Jack interact for the first time in the show there's a super cool guitar riff, very evil western vibes, they walk up to each other, look deeply into each other's eyes, make out, then start throwing punches to Blur's Song 2. In one of the audio dramas we're told about various times where these two conned people, stole a bunch of money and gold and gems and stuff, then had sex with whoever it is they conned before (sometimes) killing them. When Jack devided he was done and left John to die John escaped and married the queen of England (Victoria) then locked Jack up somewhere to take his life force and live forever, destroying the timeline in the process. John has tried to kill all of Jack's friends at least twice to have him all to himself. He found Jack's long lost brother and when the brother turned out to be a terrible person with a vendetta against Jack John did everything he could to save Jack. Their relationship is canon but very one-sided most of the time

just this video

For the Doctor and the Master:

Immortal genderfluid war criminals <333

So we all know the Master has killed plenty of people, but, despite their reputation, the Doctor has killed a more than average number too. Sure they undid the whole destroying their own planet thing, but that's still something the Doctor did. Also there's apparently a novelization out there where, when they were children, the Doctor killed one of their childhood bullies but then made a deal with Death so that the Master had the memory of it and became Death's champion, which is pretty messed up and murder husbandish. There are plenty more war crimes on the Doctor's hands, and the Master has killed countless people in a variety of creative ways. Also, I'm having trouble finding the quote, but I swear the Master once said something to the lines of "trying to kill the Doctor is just my flirting" or something similar. But I do know Missy (also the Master but female at the time) described their relationship as "older than your civilization and infinitely more complex". They love each other, they're constantly trying to destroy each other, they are the only friends they each have who can even begin to understand everything they've been through; they've known each other since childhood and they've watched (and helped) civilizations rise and fall together. They may not be who you first think of for murder spouses but they really are a beautiful example.

#doctor who #torchwood #the doctor #the master #jack harkness #john hart #losers bracket round 2

[emi-writings]

Honestly, still kinda pissed that someone saw my jokey post about changing c!Wilbur – in a way that would have resulted in the exact same mc skin – and decided to scold me for “changing a loved character” in a way they considered “sucks”.

Could you imagine if commented every fanart of zombie Wilbur with “this isn’t canon and also it sucks” just because I personally didn’t like the zombie Wilbur headcanon?

My headcanons also aren’t something new, I just held back on how extreme they were because I knew people who were obsessed with cc!Wilbur would get upset for doing things cc!Wilbur wouldn’t like, even if I could back up why I have those headcanons from the canon material!

Just because I posted something in a jokey way, it doesn’t mean that these aren’t things I have spent years exploring in my fanfics, ideas that always wanted to expand on but never did before.

Why do I headcanon Wilbur as a witch? Because potions in Minecraft are considered magic, you get the death message “killed by magic” when killed by potions, and the mob witch uses potions. Wilbur is strongly associated with potions because he started a potion scam when he joined the dsmp! I held back from including things like astrology, but now that cc!Wilbur is dead to the fandom, I figured I wouldn’t need to anymore.

I’ve actually included Wilbur with witchy tattoos in my fanfics before! In the first ever tattoo artist/flower shop in the tntduo fandom!

Gender nonconforming Wilbur is simply based on the fact that he does act very gender nonconforming in canon. He serenaded Quackity to get him pregnant, he refers to himself as the Yin to Quackity’s Yang, I don’t want to touch on the Ghostbur and Friend shenanigans.

Wilbur not understanding geography? He needs help finding things on the server, and he clearly doesn’t know how countries work if he thinks he can just claim a piece of unused land and call it a country. It’s a funny little joke, he doesn’t even know what exactly is going on in terms of countries in the server, he just cares about his own thing.

Wilbur is one of the many characters that didn’t have a canonically height listed, so I made him a bit shorter than his cc! counterpart… He’s still taller than most other characters, it’s not much of a difference that I think would matter.

We know Wilbur is a musician as he composed the L’manburg anthem, but canonically the only instruments in the dsmp are the noteblocks. But I think woodwind instruments make sense for Wilbur, since they’re capable of playing some hauntingly beautiful melodies, and as the son of the angel of death, I think that would make sense for his character.

Like, I shouldn't feel more pressured to make my headcanons of c!Wilbur more like cc!Wilbur after we all agreed that the character was separate from the content creator!

#c!wilbur #c!wilbur soot #tntduo #honestly i hope that person avoids all fanart #because if they dislike not strictly canon wilbur #anime boy technoblade might melt their brain #and the amount of demon tommy fanart might cause a heart attack #there are so many non canon designs and everyone else can do them but I can't?

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Can I request the brothers with an Mc who’s Lilith’s daughter with that human she was in love with (this is platonic of course)

sorry it took so long but at least it´s a decent length, also I decided to make it that Lilith got turned into a Demon alongside her Brothers and she later got together with the Human she fell in love with, just thought this would be easier than going with how it was in Canon

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer:

if there is one thing worse then looking after Lilith when she was a child then it would be looking after her own child

the child got not only her more blunt and honest, sometimes for the worse, personality and whatever the Human had going for him

he might let him stay with his Sister but this doesn´t mean he has to act like he likes him

but he definitely loves the Child, no matter how troublesome they are

and he can use them to lure in his Brothers when they are running again

and they are just nice to have around, if Lilith allows them to stay with him and their other Uncles he even reads them a bed time story… or let´s them watch him hanging up Mammon they always thinks it´s a funny sight

Mammon:

you would think he would use Lilith´s kid so he can scam people easier, not only because they are the world´s best and most adorable Child but also because they are a mischievous little Demon, or well Half Demon, but he knows Lilith would kill him if anything happened to her Child

but they do always say the The Great Mammon is their favorite Uncle so he doesn´t care about anything else

and Lilith at least allows him to take them with him as a good luck charm

he also is allowed to walk around with them in the Human World, which can end interesting some highlights were

him trying to hide their Demon Form (don´t anger Demon Children, they are even worse than some Wrath Demons), him talking to some of his crows and them always pointing it out to strangers or when he forgot the Human world doesn´t use Grimm

Leviathan:

he loves his tiny Gaming buddy, even if they aren´t as good as him and Lilith demands that he only plays child friendly games with them (not that he does, he allows them to play some shooters and some light Horror games)

and he introduced them to Henry 2.0 and if Henry 1.0 didn´t try to kill hem they would have also met him, but Lilith said he would be in a lot of trouble when anything happened to her child

he also is allowed to take them with him to conventions, if he promises to look after them of course, though if he doesn´t watch them 24/7 they do have a habit of disappearing very quickly

he even found them in a restricted area once after not looking at them for over a minute, until this day no one knows how they managed to do that so quickly

Satan:

he likes to read books with them, especially if they are about Cats

but Lilith did tell him to not teach them any curses, not because she´s worried about either of them but she knows her Child well enough to know that they will only cause chaos if he teaches them anything more destructive than just allowing them to make somebody stumble

but he did give them a very cute Cat onesie and a lot more cat themed clothes, he may or may not have also tried to give them a kitten as a pet

which did force Lilith to scold Satan and he did not like it but he also didn´t want to fight with his Sister so he listened... and because he knows he wouldn´t win the fights

Asmodeus:

Asmo loves nothing more than Lilith´s adorable Child, he´s almost jealous over their cuteness

just imagine, him! the most beautiful of all thinking a Child is almost as cute as him, though Lilith was always willing to make the impossible happen

and he has someone to not only dress up in the best outfits imaginable but he can match with them!

he´s also the only one Lilith trust to look after her child without having to tell him what he can and can´t do with her child

well she does always tell him not to put her child onto Devilgram but he ignores that and because he´s so good at making pictures and making them look to adorable to put into words he can always talk his way out of trouble

Beelzebub:

he always get scolded by Lilith to not feed them so many candies, especially not to wake them up to get a midnight snack with him

but no matter how much he says it won´t happen again it will happen again, because one thing they 100% got from Lilith was her puppy dog eyes

if they ever do them no one can say no to them, especially Beel

and the worst thing is they know that and that´s why they always like to stay around Beel

that and they like to feel tall so they always want to stand on his shoulders so they can be tallest person in all three Realms (their words)

it´s a very cute sight to see

Belphegor:

he doesn´t do much with them most of the time he just get´s dragged around while he fights to stay awake

or is allowed to take a nap with them, which are his favorite time

there is no way he could ever keep up with such an energetic child even if he wasn´t a Sloth Demon

just watching them play makes him want to fall asleep again, even worse when they want to play something with him

he´s far to old and tired to play with a hyperactive child…

but he obviously can´t say no to his Sister and her Child, so of course he always says yes to watching them

and because I can

Lilith:

she loves that her Brothers love her Child and that they love her Brothers

and she even got some cute pictures with them, which she may or may not use to her advantage

I mean she knows Satan would love to see a picture of Lucifer covered in bows and dressed with the most ridiculous outfit in the world

but what she doesn´t love is the trouble they get them into

she once caught Lucifer leaving them alone with Cerberus

Mammon who just let them crawl around in a Casino, he swore he was looking after them but she saw all of his attention was on the money

Levi… actually didn´t get into trouble with them the worst happened when he kept calling them a Normie and got kicked by an angry Child

Satan left them buried under Cat´s because he was jealous

Asmo also didn´t to many bad things, the worst she caught him doing was a fashion show for 24 hours with them

Beel, as much as she loves him, nearly fucking ate them because they fell into a cake and he was very hungry, she also threatened him if he ever tried it he would be more than dead to her

and Belphie fell asleep on the roof with them in his arms

also because I thought this was funny

Lilith´s Child: I´m five years younger than one of my Uncles

Random Human: oh how adorable, did he walk you here?

Lilith´s Child: (pointing at Satan) that´s my Uncle ^-^

Random Human: well… that´s nice…? though he looks a lot older than you

Lilith´s Child: he wasn´t born either :)

#local does requests #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #lucifer avatar of pride #obey me mammon #mammon avatar of greed #leviathan avatar of envy #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #satan avatar of wrath #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus avatar of lust #obey me beelzebub #belphegor avatar of sloth #obey me belphegor #obey me lilith

[thatswhatsushesaid]

16 for the ask game?

16. a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

i'm going to make this one xiyao flavoured just because i can 😌 i love how low-key hilarious xiyao are with each other during the empathy flashback sequence where they're both playing for nie mingjue.

Nie MingJue was sitting on a mat seat. A guqin lay horizontally before Lan XiChen as he brushed his fingers over the strings. When the song finished, Jin GuangYao laughed, “Well, now that I’ve heard Brother’s guqin skills, I might as well smash my guqin the moment I get home.”

Lan XiChen, “Your skills are also considered quite fine outside of Gusu. Were they taught by your mother?”

Jin GuangYao, “No. I taught myself by watching others. She never taught me such things. She only taught me reading and writing, and bought a handful of expensive sword and cultivation guides for me to practice.”

Lan XiChen seemed surprised, “Sword and cultivation guides?”

Jin GuangYao, “Brother, you haven’t seen them before, have you? Those small booklets sold by the common folk. First jumbled sketches of human figures, then deliberately mystified captions.”

Lan XiChen shook his head, smiling. Jin GuangYao shook his head as well, “All of them are scams, especially to fool women like my mother and ignorant children. You won’t lose anything by practicing them, but you definitely won’t gain anything either.” He sighed in a rueful way, “But how could my mother have known this? She bought them no matter how expensive they were, saying that if I returned to see my father in the future, I had to see him with as much competence as possible so that I don’t fall behind. All of the money was spent on this.”

Lan XiChen strummed the strings of the guqin, “You are very talented, having achieved so much from simply watching others. If a master could offer you advice, you would make rapid progress.”

Jin GuangYao grinned, “The master is right before my eyes, but I’d never dare to trouble him.”

Lan XiChen, “Why not? Young Master, sit, please.”

And Jin GuangYao sat down in front of him, his back straight and still. He pretended as though he was a student humbly listening to advice, “Teacher Lan, what will you be teaching?”

Lan XiChen, “How about Sound of Lucidity?”

-EXR translation pg. 494

so, having re-read this moment, i enjoy it for reasons that have nothing to do with xiyao and their samebrain-ness when it comes to their sense of humour (tho that is still the part that i like the most for selfish and shippy reasons lol). i also appreciate the snapshot jgy provides us of what it must have been like to be on the outside of cultivation society looking in, desperate to gain even a scrap of knowledge to increase your odds of getting your foot in the door. and meng shi gave up every cent she earned through her sex work to try to make this happen for her son--and was scammed in the process.

she worked so hard for him, and loved him so much. sigh. 😞

#asks answered #mdzs meta #jin guangyao #meng shi #lan xichen #xiyao

[saintsenara]

Not from the ask list but the characters in ur fics as Irish counties and why?

anon, this has absolutely sent me. i have genuinely never seen something more up my alley.

let's start with characters we can pull from the series for ireland's six superior counties, shall we...

antrim = oliver wood

a county full of lads who've never met a spivvy tracksuit they don't think is the height of fashion, and who have a vastly inflated sense of their success at sports.

armagh = tom riddle

armagh has a [deservedly] bloody reputation. he could settle down in the murder triangle. he'd like that.

down = draco malfoy

people who live in co. down really like thinking they're better than the rest of us just because it's easy for them to get to belfast [lads, how's that something to boast about?], so they have to be the series' whiniest flop.

fermanagh = rubeus hagrid

fermanagh is full of docile lads who build things, in my experience.

londonderry = ron weasley

canonically gorgeous, gorgeous girlies live in this fine county - by which i mean, of course, that i do. we deserve to be represented by the series' most gorgeous girly. and a ginger sweetheart with six siblings [so you know which side of the sectarian divide his parents are on...] would go down a storm with our mams.

tyrone = harry potter

my brother once had his nose broken in a pub in strabane, which doesn't sound particularly interesting until you realise that my brother is a priest. by which i mean - a county filled with people who are reckless, quick-tempered, and always ready to throw hands? it can only be represented by one man...

---

and then the rest...

carlow = quirinus quirrell

the most interesting thing there is a big rock.

cavan = percy weasley

everyone i've ever met from cavan has been really boring and really tight. so there's that.

clare = ginny weasley

because it's gorgeous, in a not like other girls way.

cork = albus dumbledore

look at this canon line and tell me dumbledore's not a cork man... "In fact, being — forgive me — rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.” 

donegal = sybill trelawney

always away with the fairies up there... and always drunk too.

dublin = walburga black

everyone you've ever met who lives in dublin is genuinely shocked to discover that the rest of the world exists beyond the m50. it's not not giving "has never set foot in muggle london and would die before she did".

galway = arthur and molly weasley

galway is the home of the nation's sophisticated [and, apparently, sexually adventurous] culchies - which fits two people from clearly quite distinguished backgrounds who nonetheless live the way they do...

kerry = gilderoy lockhart

you will never see american tourists get scammed more glamorously than in kerry.

kildare = regulus black

considerably less interesting than - and devoid of identity in comparison to - its neighbour, dublin.

kilkenny = charlie weasley

all they do is have red hair and hurl.

laois = daphne greengrass

on account of her irrelevance.

leitrim = sally-ann perks

on account of her irrelevance.

limerick = bellatrix lestrange

limerick used to be known as "stab city". she'd fit right in.

longford = mungundus fletcher

gombeen men abound.

louth = myrtle warren

because they [by which i mean the two people i know who were born there...] are always fucking moaning.

mayo = remus lupin

perpetually mopey, unless they reckon they're great at something.

meath = cormac mclaggen

they wish they were as class as the lads in dublin.

monaghan = cuthbert binns

genuinely couldn't locate it on a map.

offaly = grawp

i mean, who fucking knows? the entire place is a bog.

roscommon = aberforth dumbledore

you can guess why...

sligo = fred and george weasley

wheeler dealers, the lot of them.

tipperary = fleur delacour

the home of gorgeous, gorgeous girlies with striking accents.

waterford = dobby

they love a good strike.

westmeath = hermione granger

not somewhere you'd expect you'd choose to live if you were a bit of a know-it-all. and yet.

wexford = neville longbottom

they love to bang on about the soil.

wicklow = marge dursley

she drives a range rover and looks down on anyone who farms, change my mind.

[other answers from this ask game]

#asks answered #very normal fic writer asks #northern ireland posting #republic of ireland posting #why have i done this

[queertwilight]

Under threat from my sister @awkwardlysarah I have been forced to return to this hellsite in the middle of a delirious long day to post what she has informed me is the best idea she has ever had. please share and show her some love so that she thinks i’m a cool older sister and not just a tired grad student with a nostalgic affection for this series. Seriously she’s really excited about this post and I love her so make her happy or else :) Without further ado:

The Cullens as Different K-Pop Fans

Disclaimer: this is all my @awkwardlysarah head canons not my sister’s @queertwilight. I decided to combine my love for K-pop with my sister’s love for twilight. My qualifications are that I’ve been listening to K-pop for 6 years, so I kinda know a lot. Also no hate to any of the artists mentioned, you can have your own opinions and I’ll have mine. Silly little post enjoy!

Edward:

-exclusively listens to K-drama OST’s

-mainly for the instrumental and piano

-listens to the Best KDRAMA OST: of all time playlist and ranks them by instrumental

-secretly does watch K-dramas but claims its to help “appreciate” the music, has cried to almost every drama he’s seen

-Does not understand the appeal of K-Pop groups, prefers what he believes to be the classics

-Though, Alice once showed him RM’s album Mono and is now his biggest fan

-“No, you don’t understand guys if I met Namjoon we would get along perfectly. We could go on a museum date together and talk about life.”

-Loves RM’s newest release Indigo and locked himself in his room to reflect on the lyrics in the album.

-He too, mourns the loss (of what would have been) his 20’s

Rosalie:

-she is such a baddie with her K-pop taste

-mainly a 2nd gen girl group stan, but dips her toes in 4th gen (mainly AESPA) because Emmett showed her a couple groups

-also loves soloists-mainly IU and BIBI and DPR

-BIGGEST 2NE1 and 4minute stan there is (prays on YG and Cube’s downfall)

-if the songs are about being bad bitches then Rosalie is listening to them

-she can low key body any rap by CL

-has her more mellow moments when listening to Girl’s Generation and IU

-overall supports her girlies

-will fight trolls online that try to discredit any of the girls’ careers (

-has made multiple accounts deactivate because she proved them so wrong they could not show their faces online again

Emmett:

-OH BOY

-when Emmett discovered K-pop it was like opening up a portal that could no longer be closed

-he had casually stanned 3rd gen groups (since Alice listened to them)

-but then he found LOONA and other girl groups

-Rosalie low key curses this day btw

-became the biggest Orbit and Chuu stan

-“Emmett we have to go save Bella, she’s in danger.”

“Idk, maybe if she stanned LOONA this wouldn’t have happened.”

-is a photo card collector (Rosalie put a stop to this after he spent 3K on a Chuu broadcast photo card and getting scammed trying to buy other pcs)

-when I tell you he was so devastated that Chuu was kicked out of LOONA

-he didn’t have the strength to go hunting for DAYS

-helped boycott BlockBerry Creative #freeLOONA

-he does also dabble in boy groups; mainly Enhypen because he thinks they are actual vampires. (No one tell him it is just a concept it would break his heart, he streamed Bite Me for days because he felt SO seen).

Alice:

-MY MULTISTAN QUEEN!!!

-she knows everything about every group (obvi) and knows which groups are unproblematic

-runs an undercover KPOPpredictions twitter account where all her visions go

-Loves groups mainly for lore/storyline purposes

-like TXT, BTS, ENHYPEN, ATEEZ, EXO, etc. she LOVES a good storyline

-does theories on her main stan blogs about what she believes the MVs mean for the overall story

-always has people commenting on her theories about how right she is.

-is also a K-pop dance/lifestlye influencer

-give her 10 minutes and she WILL know the entire dance-will upload and edit it almost instantly

-has been featured in KCON dream stages and has been able to dance alongside some of her fav groups

-love planning her outfits for concerts and giving people inspiration on her social media platforms

“You need help coming up with vampire themed outfits for Enhypen’s upcoming concert, say no more I’ve got just the looks for you!”

Jasper:

-some of y’all may be a bit mad about this one…

-he’s the problematic K-pop stan

-like his playlist is CONTROVERSIAL

-liked sticker when it first released (believed the flute is what tied it together)

-low key a Jay Park stan on main

-…and a super junior apologist

(what did you expect he literally was a confederate solider)

-If a group has a cowboy concept he will be all over it tho, “takes me back to my roots.”

-will start shit online because he knows in the end he can control their emotions

-loves those unpopular k-pop opinion videos

-Alice does try to get him away from the problematic side of K-pop and it does kinda work, but like quitting human blood it takes him some time

-not a big stan, he’s kinda in it for the drama and to be an instigator

#effervescent #twilight #twilight saga #alice cullen #the twilight saga #Rosalie hale #edward cullen #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #emmett cullen #k-pop #twilight crack(?) #I have no idea how to tag this #my sister’s twilight headcanons #ateez #enhypen

[depressedbagpipe]

A Heartrender's Fire: ch. I

Tolya Yul-Bataar x Lantsov!ofc

Words: 3846 Warnings: tolya x tamar x irina being a chaotic trio, also sturmhond being sturmhond. canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol and drunk people, brief mention of SA at the end A/N: again, idk what this is, but this is helping me get back into writing after so many months, so enjoy!

Series Masterlist Next chapter

I: No shelter but me

Very few times had Irina Lantsov wished she had actually followed her brother’s advice and stayed at the ship. This was one of those.

She ducked before the drunken soldier could slash her neck open, forcefully kicking his legs and making him fall back, accidentally smashing into a table that broke into a thousand wooden pieces, and left the man unmoving on the ground.

Irina grimaced at the sight, but couldn’t dwell on it much before yet another man was hurled at her. She was used to the constant bar-fighting, bottle-smashing, and table-breaking, but it didn’t mean she liked it. Even though she was perfectly capable of standing on her own, the fire in her veins always called to her, begging to be used, and it always took a toll on her when she couldn’t let herself go completely. She was used to it, anyway. And this was just another bar fight. 

The princess caught her twin companions with her eye, both of them on opposite ends of the bar, with fearsome looks on their faces and shining eyes as they too dodged and avoided the weak blows coming their way. The girl didn’t even need her axes; one look and the surrounding men cowered away. The boy was left alone in an instant too, his height too high and imposing that made even the drunkest know they would never be a match for the giant.

Irina expertly punched and smashed her way out of the tavern, avoiding the fallen traders, merchants, and sailors who had, unknowingly, chosen their fates as soon as they decided to launch themselves at the three Grisha.

“Well, that was fun,” grinned Tamar, once they had found refuge at the end of the street.

“So much for not bringing attention,” Tolya breathed out, not in exhaustion but in reprimand.

“For the record, he started it,” Irina defended herself.

Tolya counter-argued. “I don’t think Sturmhond will care about that, Ainthe.”

“Well, Sturmhond’s not here, is he?” Irina had a certain spark in her eyes as she spoke that made Tamar grin.

“And there’s no way he would know. Because we’re not gonna say anything, right, brother?” her gaze was lethal as both girls stared at the giant.

Tolya sighed in defeat, but eventually nodded his head. “Let’s just leave before they arrest us. One less bar we’ll be welcomed at.”

The girls grinned as they walked away in the other direction, leaving behind a mess of First Army officers and confused Zemeni citizens as they tried to explain how the entire tavern had ended up in shambles in a matter of minutes.

Irina took a deep breath as she looked at the street, with all the merchants and traders expertly scamming the many visitors the busy city received every day.

“It still baffles me how you don’t manage to gag every time you breathe here. The docks are nasty,” Tamar commented after eyeing the younger girl.

“It’s the smell of adventure, Tamar. I wouldn’t trade the taste of freedom for anything,” she replied.

“‘Let us appreciate life, for it only graces our fingers before it’s lost forever’,” Tolya recited, looking up at the clouds, a hand over his tender heart.

“Saints, not again,” Tamar groaned as Irina laughed, loving the little interactions she had with the twins.

“Always so delicate, Tamar,” Irina laughed, and even Tolya couldn’t help the smile on his lips.

“As much as I’d love to continue this conversation, we should go back,” Tolya’s statement was met with groans.

Irina complained. “Already?”

Tamar backed her up. “But it hasn’t even been three hours!”

“Sturmhond will kill us if he finds out what we did,” he reminded them.

Irina frowned. “You’re bigger than him.”

Tamar nodded. “You could take him.”

Tolya groaned. “Nobody’s gonna take anybody, alright?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Irina replied.

Tolya rolled his eyes. “The fun is that we all get to live another day, okay?”

Irina grinned, despite the constant bickering. As much as she liked traveling around new places, she ultimately loved the sea. Any excuse to go back to the Volkvolny, she’d take it.

It was only after they arrived at the harbor that they saw the First Army ship, unloading a bunch of boxes that would most likely contain weaponry. It wasn’t unusual for the presence of soldiers around the harbor and nearby taverns, but an entire legion?

The twins continued their bickering about bars and Fjerdans when a conversation between a First Army lieutenant and his soldiers made them stop in their tracks.

“Right, soldiers, listen up. Our fugitives are loose, but I have men blocking the roads, so their only way out is passage here, on a ship, in this harbor. We turn her in, and split the reward. But only if we stop them before they get on a boat. Is that understood?”

The officers yelled a chorus of ‘Yes, sir,’ before they disbanded, with the lieutenant walking back to presumably repeat the same orders to the smaller groups of soldiers perched around the harbor. Their uniforms were neat and put together, and the young faces of the soldiers almost made Irina shiver.

Tamar looked at her friends. “Sounds important… or dangerous. I can never tell the difference.”

She had one of her axes in her hand already, looking at it with care and mischief.

Tolya nodded, ignoring the sarcasm in her sister. “Definitely important. Come on.”

He grabbed his sister and pulled her back, knowing she was already going to pose some opposition.

“But–”

“No.”

Irina chuckled behind them, casting one last look at the army ship, hoping her disguise would be enough, and trailed after the twins.

–·–

Night had finally fallen over Novyi Zem when everybody was back at the Volkvolny. The harbor was empty, per Sturmhond’s request, and it was only a matter of time before a certain magic girl made its willing way up the ramp.

“I sure hope she falls for it,” Irina muttered under her breath. She was perched on the balustrade of the ship, looking at the crew as they loaded some of the boxes they had definitely not stolen from the First Army soldiers. “And how much longer is it gonna take? Weddle isn’t that big.”

“Maybe if you helped you wouldn’t be so bored,” Tolya pointed at her.

“Cute, but the second-in-command doesn’t load weapons; she uses them,” but their conversation was interrupted by Tamar.

“They’re here.”

Irina frowned. “They?”

And right on cue, a young couple appeared out of thin air and ran to their ship. The girl ran a bit forward.

“Hey, stop!” the crew looked at her. “We need a charter out of here immediately.”

Tolya and Tamar stood at the ramp, both receiving the girl and guarding the ship. Irina didn’t move from her place, but was looking down at the newcomers curiously, analyzing their every detail, just as her brother had taught her. The twins shared a look that Irina knew was a satisfactory one but waited for the couple to talk.

“I can pay,” said the girl again, bringing her hand to a small pouch by her hip and pulling out a beautiful hairpiece, one Irina recognized all too well. “It’s gold.”

Tamar took in her hand, feigning dubiousness, even bringing the object to her mouth and biting it to test its falsehood. With a shrug, she gave it to Tolya.

“That’ll do,” she said casually. 

“Come on then, hurry up. I’ll take you to the captain,” he said after inspecting the hairpiece too, with another playful smirk on his lips. 

The couple were quick to stand on the ramp, and Tolya was about to follow when the same lieutenant the trio had seen in the afternoon called after them. 

“You, stop!” he was pointing at the couple.

Irina sat straighter in her place, her eyes dancing between the soldiers, counting in her head how many were pointing their rifles at them. Her hands stood close, ready to summon if she had to, but made no other move. Tamar and Tolya didn’t even budge. She grabbed one of her axes and spun it in her hand, taking dangerous steps towards the officer.

“You want to fight, Ravka? Hey?” her axe stood inches away from the lieutenant’s neck. 

He recoiled and took a step back, fear evident in his eyes, pointing at the man whose hand had protectively grabbed the girl’s arm. Irina noticed that, because of course she did. 

“That man is a deserter of the First Army. He belongs in our custody.”

But Tamar hadn’t come to play. By that point, the entire crew was staring at them, waiting for the next move. “Is that so? All right then.” She turned, looking up at Irina. “Ravka wants a fight!” with her shout, everybody stood, dropping whatever they were doing and getting into position. Irina, regardless, kept being seated down, knowing that Tamar alone could do as much damage as an entire army.

“I don’t want to escalate the fight with Shu Han.”

At this, Tolya grabbed his katana and walked beside his sister. “We’re not with Shu Han. We’re independent.”

“Maybe you save your bullets for the war, old man?” Tamar mocked him. Even though the tension was escalating quickly, everybody knew, they were no match for the crew of the Volkvolny. They had the higher ground. “First Army needs to know its place.”

Everything that happened later was a blur. The soldiers left, with a generous tip on behalf of the ship’s captain, and they were all soon on their merry way. 

Irina and Tolya had taken the couple below deck, with the giant chatting happily about the majestic ship they all stood on and effectively distracting them of the speed the Volkvolny was sailing at away from Novyi Zem, and with Irina still looking at the newcomers with interest.  

Opening the door to Sturmhond’s cabin, Tolya spoke.

“Request for charter, Captain.”

Irina also walked into the room, sharing a knowing look and a nod with her brother, before standing beside him on the other side of his desk, full of maps, papers, and a huge picture of the Darkling and the Sun Summoner, hand in hand, as the most wanted people in Ravka.

The boy walked inside decisively. “Immediate charter.”

The girl trailed after him. “He means we need to leave right now.”

Sturmhond fixed his blue coat, adopting the imposing posture he was known for. And went straight for the kill.

“Let’s be clear about two things. I don’t take orders in my own ship. And we’re already underway,” he pointed to one of the portholes on his right. “I’m glad you’ve joined us. Now, maybe you’d be so kind as to give the room a little light. After all, you are Alina Starkov,” he fixed his eyes on the girl. “A 20-million-kruge Saint.” 

He grabbed his pistol and forcefully dropped it on the poster, with the canon staring directly at the young couple, every moment carefully planned out to let his guests know he hadn’t come to play, and that he had the upmost upper hand in the situation.  

“Dead or alive.”

The silence that filled the cabin almost sent a shiver up Irina’s spine. The air was thick with tension, especially coming from Miss Starkov and her friend. 

“No point in denying it, Miss Starkov. You are the Sun Summoner.”

She stood straighter at the mention of her title. “You’re right.”

She was quick to summon light with her hands, creating two smalls of pure sun that she held in her palms. Both Tolya and Irina tried to keep their composure, but they too believed in Saints. And they were standing right in front of one, who was coincidentally threatening Irina’s brother. Luckily for him, his too-clever fox face didn’t show any slight change. He whistled, still sat in his chair, lounging comfortably as if he was simply catching up with some old friends.

“Impressive. And it’s not often I say that.” To the untrained ear, his words would come out as sarcastic, almost venomous. But Irina knew better. 

Alina’s words were quiet but stern. “Let us go. Or you’ll be out 20 million kruge and a ship.”

The captain stood once again, chuckling lightly. “While I’m well aware you could consign us all to the watery deep, you should really consider how far from the docks we are.” He casually poured some kvas into a couple of glasses. “Besides, I’m not handing you over to the Fjerdans,” he took both glasses and handed one over to his sister, who had made herself comfortable at the only empty corner of his desk. 

Irina gladly accepted the glass, downing half of the beverage, still looking at the couple.

Alina frowned. “You’re not?” She even searched Irina’s face, searching for confirmation.

“Saints, no,” he stopped, checking with his guests. “Sorry, is it offensive to say that in the presence of a living Saint?”

Even Tolya shifted his weight at the captain’s words. The boy rolled his eyes, unnerved, and Irina shared a look with Sturmhond, both of them thinking the situation the most fun they’d ever had.

The captain sat back down, which made the boy follow his lead and sit on one of the chairs Sturmhond had on the other side of the desk. Alina stood behind him, only now Irina couldn’t tell who was protecting whom. Tolya kept guard by the door, frustrating Alina’s plan of escaping.

“Okay. What do you want with us then?” the boy tried to bargain.

Sturmhond wasn’t finished.

“With you? Nothing.” He eyed him down. “Honestly, I’m not even sure who you are.” Irina had to stifle the laugh that threatened to escape her lips. “But the Sun Summoner…” he pointed at the girl, looking at her as one would eye their prey. Because to Sturmhond, that’s what she was. “Well, you have to know you’re quite valuable.” 

The boy leaned forward. “You just said you wouldn’t turn her in for a bounty, pirate.”

“Privateer.”

Irina rolled her eyes, being a little too used to listening to that conversation.

“Oh.” The boy humored him.

“And what I said was I wouldn’t hand her into the Fjerdans. I said nothing of the Kerch or Shu.” He loved playing with his food before eating it. “I paid a small fortune to empty the dock and make sure you got on my ship. And, frankly, I think the Fjerdans are severely undervaluing you.”

Alina nodded, with a flash of determination. “You’re right. They are.” She walked closer to the desk and leaned on it, having the upper hand. Or so she thought. “Because you’ll be able to ask the King of Ravka for twice as much.”

Both Irina and Sturmhond froze in place. Their looks weren’t taunting anymore; they were cold and unforgiving. But none of them let it show.

“You know the King?” the captain asked Alina, who fired back.

“I’m the Sun Summoner.”

Tolya was greatly enjoying the conversation at the back of the cabin, analyzing closely Irina’s reactions. She was rather shocked at Alina’s words but liked that someone else was trying to put her brother into place as if he wasn’t already running ten steps ahead of everyone.

“By all accounts, the First Army have now turned their sights on Grisha. Thanks to what you and your conspirator did in the Fold,” he looked down briefly at the paper. 

Sturmhond’s sharp tongue had suddenly become poisonous.

Alina drew back. “The Darkling and I were not partners. You may believe otherwise, but once I tear down the Fold and reunite Ravka, the world will see I am not his ally.” Her voice almost broke. Even Tolya noticed it. And he knew she was telling the truth. “Help us and you’ll be rewarded.”

The Ravkan siblings were staring at her as if she had suddenly grown two heads. The prospect seemed impossible, but then again, a living Saint stood before them. They had seen stranger things.

“To tear down the Fold?” Sturmhond scoffed, but Irina still detected the hope that was now running through his brother’s mind. “And how do you plan on doing that exactly?”

Alina raised her head. “By hunting Morozova’s Sea Whip.”

“Alina.” The boy warned her, but she stopped him with her hand.

Instinctively, both siblings raised their kvas glass and took a long sip, mulling over their words. Sturmhond eyed Irina briefly.

“Well, I suppose if the Stag existed, the Sea Whip and the Firebird might as well,” he thought out loud, his gears turning. His eyes were glimmering. “You couldn’t do it with one amplifier, but two…” 

“Unburdened by General Kirigan, under my own power,” Alina continued, also feeling the hope in the captain’s eyes. He leaned forward on the chair, looking down at his feet, the last traces of his plan finally coming together. “Will you help us or not?”

Sturmhond stood up again, never able to sit still for too long. He looked at his sister, who wore a similar face to him, her consent being the only other thing he needed to embark on the journey of the Sun Summoner.

“There’s adventure, danger, money? Now you’re speaking my language.”

The siblings downed their glasses at the same time on opposite ends of the desk, finalizing the deal with a bright smile.

– · –

“What is the difference between a privateer and a pirate?” Mal, Alina’s friend, whispered to her, but not low enough not to be heard by Irina, who walked behind them.

Sturmhond led the way, stopping occasionally to acknowledge the crew.

“Hey, Ainthe, need a light over here!” Irina quietly made her way to a fellow sailor who couldn’t seem to light the candle, and thankfully for her, her brother called everyone’s attention, which allowed her to blend into the crowd for a second. 

Her fingers danced, and a light flame suddenly lit up the lamp the sailor needed. She retreated with a smile, knowing her brother was about to give a speech.

“All right, listen up, everyone! We have guests! The Sun Summoner and,” he turned to Mal, in the mood to mess with Alina’s grumpy companion. “Uh… You are?”

“Malyen–”

“A guest of the Sun Summoner!” Sturmhond interrupted him, much to Mal’s annoyance. “I expect you’ll treat them with all the respect I’ve come to know from you pack of liars and thieves.” The crew laughed at his words. Irina shook her head. He motioned them forward. “Come along, my darlings, come on, come on. Now, you can have the two in the back, it’s the most private suit we have.”

Sturmhond referred to the two fabrics arranged as hammocks, at the far end of the room and next to the stairs that led to the deck. It wasn’t cozy by any means; the room smelled of sweaty pirates, it was noisy and poorly lit, yet the siblings had grown accustomed to it, even if they slept at a different cabin. There was something about the mess that they could call home. 

Alina eyed him wearily as she walked past him, leaving her things on a nearby table, under Mal’s attentive gaze.

“See you in the morning, Miss Starkov,” Sturmhond said with a leisure bow, quickly leaving them to their fates.

“Sweet dreams,” Irina finally spoke, sending them a smile in a much kinder way than her brother had done, and trailed after him.

– · –

“I hope you know what you’re playing at,” Irina frowned as she looked at her brother.

“You caused a bar fight?” he stormed at her.

“We have the Sun Summoner and now what? The Darkling and the entire First Army will be after us, Nikolai, and we’ll have no way of escaping then,” she crossed her arms.

“An officer could have seen you, Irina! Your face could now be printed in the papers! So much for having a fake identity!” Sturmhond threw his hands in the air as he walked around his cabin.

“The entire country is tracking her. We’re supposed to be under the radar and now you want to shelter the most wanted person in Ravka? And not only that but what will happen when we go back?” she went on.

“You can break as many necks as you want when there’s nobody around who could get you into trouble!

“We are gonna be in so much trouble regardless!”

“Can you both stop having two separate conversations at once, please?” Tamar interrupted.

Both siblings turned to look at her, who wore a bored face. Tolya stood behind her, with a simple grin, enjoying the fight between the princes. The four of them stood at the captain’s cabin, away from prying ears, going over the details of their next steps.

“Tamar, back me up on this,” Irina implored her closest friend.

Tamar sighed. “It is risky, Sturmhond. I stood guard until we left the harbor behind and didn’t see any other ship sailing around, but those two are hiding something.”

“Of course they’d feel weary around us; they’d be stupid not to,” Tolya released a breath.

Irina took in one. “Why does this feel like it’s the beginning of the end?” she asked no one in particular. “And how did you even know about the bar fight?” she asked her brother, but quickly turned to glare at Tolya. “Was it you?”

Tolya raised his arms in surrender. “Not me.”

“You forget I have ears everywhere,” Sturmhond took another sip of his glass, raising his eyebrows in mystery. The two of them had almost finished an entire bottle by that point of the night.

“You saw us didn’t you?” Irina squinted his eyes at him.

Sturmhond scoffed. “No, I didn’t!”

“He’s lying,” Tamar interjected.

“Okay, yeah, I saw you. The bar was just around the corner as I walked back. Which is how I bribed everyone into forgetting you three were ever there,” he confessed. “And again, Ainthe, you can’t start fights with everyone who crosses you!”

“He touched my ass, Sturmhond, you can’t expect me to stand there and do nothing!”

“He what?!” 

Tolya suddenly appeared between them. “Alright, it’s best we stop. We’re all alive and well. And we’ll get to see another day for now, so let us sleep and rest and continue the fight tomorrow, okay?”

Nikolai and Irina shared a glance, a silent agreement both of them were too accustomed to. A silent way of communicating both of them had perfected over the years, which promised that they wouldn’t bring it back tomorrow. They knew they were too stubborn to allow the other to win, which would cause yet another endless source of bickering.

“Better be back on deck, then. We might need some fire,” Irina commented, taking one last sip of her kvas. “See you all in the morning.”

“Remember, just a spark, Fireball, not a whole bonfire,” Sturmhond called after her.

“Can’t make any promises!” Irina laughed one last time, before closing the door behind her, leaving an equally smiling Nikolai Lantsov on the other side.

Next chapter

#shadow and bone #tolya yul bataar #tolya yul bataar x reader #tamar kir bataar #nikolai lantsov #alina starkov #mal oretsev #the darkling #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #alexander morozova #general kirigan #siege and storm #shadow and bone season 2 #tolya yul-bataar x y/n

[inlocusmads]

okay even though I have a lot of thoughts against book 2, trystan thorne is *the* LI. Not the best, but just "the" because:

(spoiler alert)

they know like two martial art forms but get their ass kicked by like, so many random guys

they are on an fbi list, have appeared in tabloids and everything but they can just walk around in the streets and nobody gives a shit

their response to getting thwarted with a *second* murder allegation is just "yo hold on lemme get my phone for a sec"

they get scammed on the streets for umbrellas but will steal literal jewels from pawn shops just because

they know obscure, niche shit like botany, what steels swords are made of, land laws, how to find books from tall shelves, art history, the precise keywords to search for in google to pull up old records, how to recognize certain types of diamonds like a glassmaker, can ask just the right questions and is secretly probably a geek and yet somehow does it all in the last possible second. (kiddo, couldn't it have killed you to come to conclusions earlier to save us the time??)

literally falls in love every 0.5 seconds with anyone

canonically knows what is in their wikipedia page - thus never beating the "i google myself sometimes" allegations

is the embodiment of "HA HA HA HA i hate it here"

gets sidetracked every second

knows how to wield swords but still chooses to fistfight people in parking lots anyway and just constantly trips people

the chillest person to ever chill - like will enter a murderer's lair going like "dayum the couches are neaat"

pulls a uno reverse card AT THEIR OWN CORONATION (ignoring plausibility, but damn, my dude (gender neutral) you are definitely the character to ever character)

is such a culture appreciator. definitely the type to get all excited about the small cultural differences, despite their values and morals being against it

knowing you can't teach drakovian culture to foreigners and does it in like 0.2 seconds

Also BEING SO EAGER TO SHARE. share bagels with dogs, share coats, share stories, share virtually anything. i love them, they're just so happy to hear someone listen to them

the first case of someone paying someone else to work for their detective agency

like nobody is doing it like trystan thorne. Okay maybe some people might be, but like, the icon-ism will never stop.

#trystan thorne #trystan x nora #crimes of passion