#I mentioned the fact that i get super cold when drinking ice water and have to either stand outside in the summer or just.

[gatorinator]

Apparently it’s not normal when your working out for your toes, feet, and calves to kinda go a little numb and fall asleep mid workout. Apparently it’s not normal to be either freezing cold or absolutely dying of heat. Apparently it’s not normal for this to be determined by the temperature of beverage you are currently drinking. Apparently, I have bad circulation, and should “go see a physician,” whatever that means

#I mentioned the fact that i get super cold when drinking ice water and have to either stand outside in the summer or just. #drink a cup of hot water. and my co worker was like ‘bro I think you have bad circulation’ #I was thinking about that when I went to the gym and asked my fitness instructor and he looked at me a little worriedly and was like ‘well #here’s some stretches you can do but you should probably get that checked out.’ #WIAT is this why there will be periods of time in my life where every morning without fail I wake up and my right arm is asleep. and #I have to whirl it around like a windmill to wake it up? #oh geeze #al speaks #al complains

[paraliveimaginesblog]

if its not too late perhaps Orchid + Yohei for the flower meme

Yohei Kanbayashi:

Orchid - an innocent moment devolving into something that’s not.

You just needed a few things done around the house.  

You did most of the busy work, dusting and scrubbing the floors, cleaning out your fridge, you wanted the place to feel brand new for a new chapter in your life. You had whisked out all the old furniture you’d gotten when you moved into the place and had ordered a matching set of furniture; a cute little table, a couch, and a chair to set up in the living room in front of the tv. But there was the case of moving the old furniture to the curb to make room for the new ones, and then what if you wanted to rearrange them to make the picture perfect dream of a living room—that was a lot of work for just one person to do!

You had mentioned that little fact to Yohei, in a similarly dramatic fashion, and he had huffed at you before demanding you just ask him outright. As much as he initially grumbled about it messing up his schedule, that he would certainly be sacrificing his precious sleep to come over and help you out, you had managed to convince him to spend a day just helping you out (with very little effort on your part, he had pretty much convinced himself).

You greeted him with a beaming smile the next day and you could see him return it for half a second before it was replaced with his normal grumpy look, asking where he should start so he could get it over with. Unbothered by his attitude, you pointed out the few pieces you still had to take care of, noting when your new couch would be delivered.

You couldn’t have chosen a worse day to move, considering the rising heat in the area. It hadn’t been a boiling summer so far but today was the lucky day that it nearly hit the triple digits, leaving you both a panting mess as you finally took the last piece to the curb. You trudged back into your home with Yohei behind you, noting a flash of movement from the corner of your eye; when you turned to ask him a question you’re greeted with a finely sculpted bare chest and a man who’s looking at you expectantly.

Your brain needed a minute to reboot, and another minute of staring at Yohei had him raising an eyebrow at you like he might be worried the heat melted your brain. He waved a hand in front of your face to snap you back to attention, rolling his eyes when you finally got yourself back together and whipped your head toward your apartment door.

“Dr-drinks? Something cold? Great idea, me!” You opened the door and nearly closed it in his face but a strong hand came out to stop, you eeping out an apology before darting to the kitchen. Not even the shiny cleanliness that had brought you so much joy while deep cleaning the week before could alleviate the strain on your rapidly beating heart, trying harder than you’ve ever tried before to stay focused on your task ahead. Get glass, get ice, pour water… Done!

The condensation already building on the glass had you worried that you’d need to turn on your air conditioning properly, just so you and he didn’t die of heatstroke at your young, delicate ages. You giggled at the joke in your head but then a droplet of water streaked down the side of the glass, your mind immediately going back to Yohei—the way a drop of sweat had slid from his neck down his chest to—

“Here you go! You look super hot.” You’re ignoring it, the thing you just said, holding the water out to him as Yohei seemed to not even hear you. He nodded his head in thanks before taking a drink, draining the entire glass so quickly you almost considered offering your own. “Did that help?”

“Sure.” Yohei handed the glass back to you and you set it down on a nearby table that had passed your personal purge, almost a lone survivor in the living room as it were. You place down your own glass after a quick sip.

“I can turn on the air if you need.”

“I’m good, but if you need to, go ahead.”

“Are you sure? You still look…” You don’t finish your sentence as a brilliant idea, more of an impulse, sprung to mind. You reached out to the shirtless man in front of you and placed your cool hands on his neck, sliding down to his chest the longer his eyes bore into you. You were almost embarrassed at reaching out to touch him like this, in such an intimate way, yet it was like your hands were glued to him. You couldn’t will yourself to just move.

‘You’re not helping,’ Yohei thought, keeping that little fact to himself.

He didn’t need you to know that just a touch from you wasn’t helping his rising temperature, it was only making it worst. He could probably spontaneously combust due to all the factors causing him to overheat and taking his shirt off had only made it worse. You were replacing his thirst with an insatiable hunger that only you could satisfy.

There had always been a lingering tension between you, an electric jolt that coursed through his veins every time he saw your smile, and it had been the same today. Perhaps even more amplified since he was alone with you in your home, an act of trust and intimacy, another step towards something…more? There was always something or someone around to stop him from acting on his desires, from even questioning you about yours, it seemed like he was doomed to have his romantic life interrupted.

Ryu’s interruption were frequent and constant, like he knew Yohei was thinking about doing something he maybe shouldn’t do. Shiki and Saimon were less intrusive but still had the worst timing, assuring that no conversation went too far as long as they were occurring in Bar 4/7. Had he considered inviting you out, or even over to his place? Absolutely. But had it ever come to fruition? Had he ever managed to just bite the bullet and take that next step?

Maybe he should’ve. He felt like he was at a distinct disadvantage.

He placed his hands over yours, no longer as cold as they once were thanks to his body. You thought he might be going to throw your hands off him and storm off for invading his personal bubble, but you’re surprised when they simply rested on top of yours. He’s always been an advocate for strong eye contact but the way he’s looking at you now, you don’t know if you’re seeing what you want or if it’s how he’s really feeling but—

He's inching closer and closer, you think your noses might brush soon if he doesn’t stop moving.

“…That felt good,” He mumbled, squeezing your hand. “Thank you.”

You hear the sound of clinking as the ice in your glass melted, entertaining the thought that the heat rising between the two of you had only sped up the process. There’s tension, more tension than you had ever felt between you before, and you wondered if Yohei was waiting for you to make the next move. Did he want to make sure he wasn’t overstepping? Despite you having made the first move by touching him it seemed he was waiting for another sign.

Your eyes drift to his lips, a movement you think is brief but Yohei picked up on it. Words weren’t always his strong suit when it came to his feelings but you had given him more than enough to move, his nose brushing against yours, lips so dangerously close you can taste him—

And then the world once again proves it’s against Yohei.

He has to wonder if it’s the universe wanting him to suffer but your phone lets out a ‘ding’ at the same time as there’s a knock on the door. You removed yourself from him, rushing to peak out the door and confirming it was the delivery men here with your new couch. Its another few hours of hard work, the air now on as you and Yohei work hard to make your living room look like an acceptable place for an adult to exist in. You’re thankful that it’s quicker than you thought but there’s still some regret that the moment you were sharing was ruined. How could you get that back? Maybe giving him a thank you kiss goodbye…

“I should get going.” Yohei glanced at the door, “I have some time to catch up on my sleep before I have to go in.”

The ball is in your court. Would you really be satisfied with some quick goodbye kiss?

“Y-you could stay if you want. Sleep on my couch, it’s comfy… and you could cool off too, since it’s so hot out…” You motioned to the couch but Yohei didn’t follow your movement, eyes plastered on your face.

Yohei suspected if he stayed cooling off was the last thing he’d be doing, but he wasn’t about to refuse a second chance.

#Paradox Live #Paralive #Paradox Live Imagines #Paradox Live x Reader #Paralive Imagines #Paralive x Reader #Yohei Kanbayashi #Kanbayashi Yohei #Yohei Kanbayashi x Reader #Scenario #Flower Meme

[reeia]

10 thoughts about Japan (Osaka to be Specific)

WARNING: there are too much amazement here!

                                               Garden Koko-en, Himeji

They don't really know how to express their care to the foreigners verbally but with their facilities, you’ll see, they care BIG TIME! First of all they made the AC centralized! Haha.. It was 8degrees when the plane landed at Kansai International airport. Woah! I only got two jackets, I wasn’t expecting Japan to be that cold, I’ve checked the weather beforehand but still I’ve never experienced that before...It was summer in the Philippines (March 25, 2017) yet it’s so cold in Japan. I guess it is called tail of winter and early spring though. I was really not prepared; in fact I have brought a flip flops & citronella lotion. Hahah (summery feels!) Apparently I wasn’t able to use those. It’s too cold for those mosquitos to fly around Japan, they can’t because they have thick jackets as well, but the truth is they all died!

 Still about the facilities, let’s talk about the comfort rooms. Toilet bowls have buttons for washing uranus, haha..really designed for pooping and as I have seen, mall toilets seemed like wifi connected cause there’s a wifi symbol on screen. So high tech! I couldn’t miss the experience so I tried it! hahah 😊 😊 😊 The comfort room will definitely give you comfort!

                                                  at Piole Mall Himeji

3. Wide sidewalks, it’s obvious that they prioritized safety for the pedestrians and drivers inside their vehicles are courteous, when green lights turn they wait few seconds before they go. (Now imagine that situation in Manila, some drivers are just so impatient and rude). Okay too much of comparing, bad vibes are starting to cover up my feel good mood right now for this Japan review. Hihi. I’d loved to mention I did not experience traffic congestion at all on my stay there.

4. Vendo capital. You’ll find vendo machines on almost every side of roads and railroads. You will never get thirsty; you’ll find variety of drinks from water to juices to sodas, (vendo kaya ng mga uhaw sa pag ibig meron?) LOL. Fare for train, vendo. Fare for buses, vendo. Open parking spaces, vendo, they don’t hire guards.

5. Safe place. Even if I had put my wallet in the front pocket of my bag pack, there’s no thief. My friend’s bag’s zip tends to open most of the time, I just told myself "great that we are not in Manila.". Houses have small gates or none, Japanese’ knows they’re safe.

                                                       Hyogo, Kobe

6. Super clean environment and disciplined locals. There are trash bins for bottles, papers, some for left overs and for other garbages. No one’s littering. After eating at a restaurant people will dispose or bring back to the counter what they’ve used (utensils), so a crew will just have to wipe the tables. :) At the streets I saw some dogs being walked, one pooped, but the owner has a plastic bag on his hand and grabbed it. 😅

                                                         Dotonburi

7.  Cool architecture. House exteriors are so cute, simple and ideal. Buildings have PVC exterior walls, I’ve knocked on to curiosity, interiors are plywood, I think those are assembled house, only stairs and roof deck were made of concrete, well I believe columns and beams as well. Even comfort rooms, toilet, wall, tub and floor were built altogether, so they would just install them quick. I loved the accordion door at the apartment I stayed in it made me want to take that home. 😂 Also I had time to go to a children playground, I’ve notice even the high storey houses have PVC exteriors but looks like concrete. Cool!

8. Fashion city. I think I belong there, it seemed like every street is a runway, they don’t care about what people may say, whatever outfits they wear they never run out of fashion sense, skirt over leggings, long skirts, loose jeans, boots, knee high socks, hair dresses. From babies to oldies, they soooo cute!!!! ♥

9. FOODS! I loveeet!!! Sushi, grilled eel, oyster, takoyaki, chocolates, ice creams, all that I’ve eaten there were sooo oishi! Worth the expensiveness! 😂 😂

                                                   Matcha X Sakura

10. The spending. Japan has a high cost of living, as shown on their bodies because they choose to walk and bike. I spent more on foods and transportations, well those were the things I’ve only got to spend onto. My train fare ranges from 160-970yen (x .44 for php), taxi costs 1000yen and above.

11. Oops I am making it 11 because this is the one thing I’ve really liked about experiencing the country. You'll hear "arigato" everywhere; I didn’t even heard one uttered "bakero". Japanese' are always grateful that’s why they are successful. Beautiful people. ❤️ Try to walk around the streets of Philippines, what are you hearing?

two of my goals there, to have a picture with a pure Japanese and to see a cherry blossom. Too bad I wasn't able to prepare a good camera. I have borrowed my friend's phone but she sent the pics through facebook and quality diminished. :(

BUT I am probably coming back! ❤️ 🌸

#japan #osaka #travel

[mylifemydiary]

37 weeks tomorrow

6/15/22

I could not have predicted how swimming lessons would go.  I took my son that first day, and I was so excited.  There were 8 kids, 6 little girls and my son and another boy.  The other boy was crying from the beginning.  He wanted to go home and cried for his mom the. entire. time.  They sat my son right next to him, and I was worried it would rub off.  But no, that’s not what happened.  My toddler got dipped into the water and then sat on the ledge with the other kids and got cold, and it was all over.  He did not want to get back in the water.  He screamed and cried.  Even the cry baby got over it and did what he was supposed to.  Not one of the little girls complained, despite physically shivering.  We gave up 20 minutes into the 30 minute lesson, and to my son’s defense, his skin was ice cold when I finally wrapped him up in a blanket.  I guess 9 am is not a good time for swimming.  The following day I had a doctor’s appointment so he had to miss it, and the next day I just gave up and didn’t even take him.  The fourth and final day of the first week my husband and I both took him, and my husband even sat with him on the ledge with the other kids, but it was a big nope about 5 minutes in.  He was cold and wasn’t having it.  

I worked that night from 5-8, and when I got home I felt like all of my muscles ached.  It felt like I had worked out super hard and all of my muscles were fatigued and achey.  I went to sleep, or tried to, and in the morning woke up to my heart racing as if I was on a treadmill walking on an incline.  I had a slight temp, 99.7, and I pulled out the doppler just to make sure my baby had a heart beat.  He did.  My blood pressure was a little high, but what was most concerning was my heart rate bpm which was 155 and I was literally laying in bed.  Everything hurt, my arms, shoulders, neck, thighs, hips.  I called the after hours nurse and she suggested I go to the hospital.  So we dropped my toddler off and to the hospital we went.  We spent 6 hours there, they tested me for every upper raspatory thing I could have possibly had. Everything came back negative.  Except for a UTI.  I had blood and bacteria in my urine.  So they treated me with some antibiotics through my IV, which took the nurse one shot and she was in, more on that later, and sent me home.  I was still achey and miserable and could barely lift my arms over my shoulders.  My husband had to help me in and out of the car, I could barely walk, and I needed help getting dressed.  I was useless in my own body and I hated it.  I had no appetite, I was trying to drink water but other than that I didn’t want to eat.  I stayed in bed for two days practically.  I went to see the specialist on Monday morning for a pre-planned appointment and they were no help.  It was a new doctor who I had never met, and her suggestion was to stop taking the Tylenol that was keeping me sane, to get a fever so the ER would do something about me.  I even had them do another urine test and they forgot to give me the results.  I thought I had an ear infection and asked them to check, but nobody did.  I kept taking the Tylenol and tried to rest.  Tuesday morning I called my doctor’s office and the nurse advised me to go to the ER.  She said if I was in that much pain just to go.  So I did.  They did a sono for kidney stones, thinking maybe that was the source of my pain.  But no.  It was still a UTI.  They gave me a drink and some Tylenol in my IV and sent me home again.  Oh and it took 3 nurses, 2 blown veins, and 5 sticks total to get an IV started this time.  It was awful.  I cried so many times over the course of those 5 days, because I was weak and helpless and in so much pain and nobody could help me.  Finally, Wednesday I started to feel better and the pain started to ease.  I went to the specialist on Monday and saw that same useless doctor, and they made zero mention to the fact that my blood pressure is high now, I’m super swollen, and gained 8 pounds in one week of no doubt water weight.  I’ve been tracking my BP for about a week now and I’m going to ask my doctor about inducing tomorrow.  I was hoping the full moon last night would start some contractions, but nothing.  

[chocolate-failure]

As events loom where I am required to do some peopling I am thusly reminded that I, in fact, am not a person. There are ways I must navigate these experiences in order to reach the other side unscathed. I rather not have to do it but it's really the only way for me to be around others while exacting the least harm on myself. I hate.

So the airbnb we're staying at is really close to my house, I think it's like 20 or 30 minutes. I could've gone to the concert from home but I have friends staying here and it's just easier to not be here also I hate it here so I literally jump at any opportunity I get that doesn't require me to stay in this hellhole.

But there are things I need to do in preparation that aren't always super clear to me when the event is happening because so much of my bandwidth gets tied up in peopling 😑 the biggest of which, of course, is food. So let's talk feeding. Most if not all my kpop friends are overweight/obese which is immaterial if it wasn't for the fact that a few of them can be kinda pushy when it comes to food and me eating. Eating stresses me tf out especially when I don't have a scale or I feel like I don't have control. I fully intend to bring my scale. I also intend to bring my fan because I'll need to also bathe. Bathing helps with my hs but also helps to regulate my weight. I usually lose anywhere between 1½ to 3lbs during my daily soaks. The shit is extremely important.

Hmm... what else??... food. Lest we forget. I have always had a hard time with the f word but I try very hard to put up pretense and at least pretend like I'm normal to some degree because I don't want people on my nuts about it. I don't think I named this friend here. I've talked about them before but I don't recall ever giving them a name. Let's call them Pepe. Pepe likes to eat and isn't shy about it by any means. They worry about me and my lack of eating which very much stresses me tf out. So in a bid to keep Pepe at bay I need to figure out what course of action I need to take in order to minimize my intake and in turn the damage that intake does to me.

Ice cream, ice cream is a really good purge food. If you purge soon enough it comes up cold and because of how it's broken down along with air content it's really frothy and smooth coming up. If you ever eat anything you know you'll regret having to purge later drink a little water to loosen it up and follow it with a few spoonfuls of ice cream. Works like a charm.

Sunflower seeds, similar to ice cream they come up real easy like. I guess because the ratio of spit to food is really high along with the oils in the seeds. The vomit is mostly spit, which is helped by the fact that you can really only eat one seed at a time.

Grapes, they're mostly water but also self contained snacks. It's easy to stop eating when you get to the end of the handful rather than idk pineapple where you can't really hold them like that and you have to modulate your behavior more.

Pineapple, I know what I *just* got finished saying but pineapple also comes up really easy. I think it's the fibrous texture but it's not as hard on your throat as maybe an apple or orange or god forbid carrots. You have to actively prepare to vomit carrots, they HAVE to be mixed with a liquid.

Candy, while not necessarily super helpful for purging cuz it'll come up acidic af it is helpful for curbing appetite if you don't eat a crazy amount.

Ice and popsicles, both are pretty perfect for curbing hunger not to mention I love water and sucking on ice helps me not to guzzle it down like an alcoholic.

Eggs, idk I just really like eggs. They also are good for lowering suspicion because it's almost food and if you drink enough in anticipation they're rather easy to purge.

Really in purging, liquid is your best friend. Sometimes it's hard to get it all to come up but it's worth the heartache an extra pound and a half a liquid might make you gain in order to get a solid to come out smoothly. Of course sometimes that backfires and everything gets turned on it's head so the water you just drank ends up under the crackers you ate 20 minutes before that but again it's always easier to purge soggy crackers than it is to purge dry clumps of crackers.

I honestly hate purging and really only started doing it cuz my mom forced me to eat way back when. It's since become a crutch. Something I do when I feel weak or when stressed. Like a few days ago I drank a can of sparkling water and immediately went to purge it cuz the pound it added was freaking me tf out. Before I would've just worked out for 3 hours but once you start purging it becomes an option, a very unattractive but relieving plan B. God I fucking want to die.

#journal #the big shrink #drivel #progress #156 idk... it's been fucling bad lately

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 12 & 13 | March 14th – March 27th

Welcome to weeks 12 & 13 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #VelvetCardiganBucky, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

✨Page breaks are made @firefly-graphics✨

«Last Week

Week 14»

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week:

Steve + Bey = 4Ever » Steve Rogers and Bey carved places in each other’s hearts, that no one else could ever replace.

I Hear A Symphony » Bucky Barnes x Mutant!Reader — Reader plays an important song to her for Bucky.

—Formerly The Winter Soldier » “I’m no longer the winter soldier, my name is James Bucky Barnes & you're part of my effort to make amends.”

Lee Bodecker

(Mini) Series:

*Give In by @not-a-great-writer » soft!dark!Lee Bodecker x shy!Reader — She didn’t think she was anything special. So when the intimidating Sheriff takes an interest in her, she can’t help but feel a little unsettled. Her boring life is about to get a little interesting. | This story has to be one of my all time series I’ve ever read, and I know I will weep when it’s over. The chapters are decently sized, you have angst, fluff and smut. I couldn’t ask for more, it’s simply a masterpiece.

Deadbeat Pt. 9 by @the-witty-pen-name » Lee Bodecker x F!Reader — You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room. | Cole thank you for feeding my current Lee Bodecker obsession after I watched The Devil All The Time, for the time. This story is good and I love soft!Lee, and one where no one dies. At least I hope no one dies...

SamBucky

One-Shots:

Loving You Is Cherry Pie by @river-soul » Sam Wilson x Reader x Bucky Barnes — When Sam Wilson, one of your regulars at the cafe finally asks you out, you’re ecstatic until he tells you he wants his friend to join. When you meet Bucky, you decide it might be worth your while after all. [Allusions to stalking, exhibitionism and explicit sex, 18+] | There is just not enough SamBuck stories out there and we have @river-soul to thank for feeding our love for the boys and giving us some good smut, especially to tide us over till Friday.

Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM by @callmeluna » Sam Wilson x Reader x Bucky Barnes — You are admittedly a handful when you’ve had a few drinks in you. Luckily, your partners Sam and Bucky are more than up for the challenge… maybe. | If you are looking for something to make you laugh, might I suggest reading this? The whole time as I read this I couldn’t get the huge smile off my face, it was that good.

Bucky Barnes

Drabbles:

Matching by @heli0s-writes » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Reader and Bucky are “matchy matchy,” with their belly button rings. | This is adorable as well as very funny.

One-Shots:

Smooth Criminal by @bestofbucky » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Based on a dream @velvetcardiganbucky had. You’re parents told you to never give rides to strangers, but when you notice Bucky Barnes trying to break into your car, you know some strangers aren’t so bad. | Jenny did my dream justice! I honestly couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Don’t Over Do It by @whisperlullaby » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Your boyfriend is an asshole. Bucky reminds you that you are perfect the way you are. | I can’t describe this anyway other than perfect, that I wish I had a Bucky like this there for me. Trust me you’ll love the ending.

Coming Home to You by @angrythingstarlight » Biker!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Your Biker boyfriend is finally home and he’s going to show you how much he missed you. With every inch he has. And you’re going to remember how much he loves you. | It’s not very often you read something that has an alternate ending and when you do you find yourself loving both endings. Both endings are hot, the smut is great, again who couldn’t love Biker!Bucky?

Won’t Let You Go by @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay » Mob!Bucky Barnes x OFC!Kori — Kori met Bucky in one of his clubs, out to get shit-faced with a couple of friends to forget about her worries and maybe take home a guy to further rid herself of her numerous frustrations. Little did she know that the one-night stand with Bucky would turn into so much more than that. | Thank you so much for entering my writing challenge, it means so much. This one-shot is so good, it hit me right the feels and left me falling in love with Kori and Bucky.

Show Me How To Ride by @angrythingstarlight » Beefy Biker!Bucky Barnes x Reader — You’ve been keeping a secret from your biker boyfriend. He is going to get the information out of you one way or the other. | It’s hot and it makes you realize just how much you realize just how much you love Biker!Bucky.

Bubble Baths by @floatingpetals » Bucky Barnes x Reader (Modern AU) — Even your boyfriend Bucky, needs to wind down at the end of a stressful with a bubble bath, but he doesn’t want to do it alone. | Okay, so my summary of this sucks but let me just say this is fluffy and smutty all at once. I wish I had Bucky to take a bubbly bath with.

Bad Boy!Bucky Barnes x Shy!Reader by @gagmebucky — in which there’s nowhere to sit and bucky offers his lap—then, subsequently, his cock. (bad boy!bucky x shy!reader, dirty talk, exhibitionism and voyeurism, cockwarming, unprotected sex.) | *chugs water* yeah is it a little hot in here? I probably would have failed class if Bucky had been in my class along with Steve, I wouldn’t have known who to stare at, forget learning the material.

**Greater Good by @fuel-joy » Bucky Barnes x Reader — There is a cure for the zombie outbreak but is it worth the cost. | Grab your tissues, because you are going to need them. Thanks darling for entering my writing challenge and making me feel so many feels with this one.

(Mini) Series:

A Tender Heart ♥️ Pt. 2 by @river-soul » Alpha!Bucky Barnes x Omega!Reader — You’ve been sweet on Bucky since you started working at the compound six months ago. Normally quiet and mild mannered, an unexpired fight with a coworker brings Bucky into your orbit. [A/B/O dynamics, brief mention of bullying and fluff] | If anyone can pull at your heartstrings it’s @river-soul making the beginning of this series look so promising and I can’t wait to see where it goes.

Run To You 🪙 Pt. 10 🪙 Pt. 11 🪙 Pt. 12 by @bestofbucky » Mob!Bucky Barnes x Bodyguard!Reader — Mob boss Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard. | Jenny left me at the edge of my seat, making this such an amazing story, I always look forward to her updates, and so sad that there is only 1 chapter left.

Better than Working sequel to This by @angrythingstarlight » Beefy Biker!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Beefy Biker Bucky shows you all the benefits of working from home. In fact what he has for you is so much better than work. | Sometimes you just need to read something hot to lift your spirits, let this do that.

Stucky

One-Shots:

*Tell Me What You Want by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve Rogers x Reader; Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Your mob boyfriend, is none other than Steve Rogers and he is willing to get you whatever you wanted, all you have to do is ask. And be careful what you ask for because he’s going to give it to you over and over again. | This is so hot that I highly recommend not reading this anywhere out in public. The smut in this is just *chefs kiss*

(Mini) Series:

Miracle Pt. 2 🥀 Pt. 1 by @heavenhatesme » Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader; Soft!Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader — When infertility threatens mankind with extinction and there hasn’t been a baby for almost 18 years, what happens when two certain super soldiers fall for the same woman and accidentally impregnate her? | It’s not tagged as dark, sorry to the writer I tagged it that please forgive me? But I just want to tell everyone heed the tags. I do look forward to reading what happens next. The smut in this is great!

Invisible Ink by @navybrat817 » Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader; Bucky Barnes x Reader x Steve Rogers — The owners of the Howling Commandos Tattoo Parlor want to make you their best girl. | I love the idea of tattoo’d Bucky and Steve, but that's because I have a weakness for tattoo’s. So this series is just right up my alley, and the start of it is so good that I know it’s good to be a great one!

Steve Rogers

Drabbles:

Chocolate Milk & Dino Nuggets by @nony-bear » Steve Rogers x Reader — Daddy Steve helps make his little girl feel better after a long week. DDLG THEMES | Had me wishing I had a Steve to make me Dino nuggets after a long day at work. It’s precious folks.

Prompt 4K Drabble Challenge by @sweeterthanthis » Steve Rogers x Reader — “Show me how deep you can take it.” | You’re going to need an ice cold bath after this one.

One-Shots:

A Cruel Tide by @writerwrites » Nomad!Steve Rogers x Reader — A lost hero thinks she needs saving, but this divorcée’s needs were different, fleeting, and then full of attachment. Can they overcome the burdens on their shoulders and keep their word? | Sometimes you want to wrap the reader and Steve in a blanket and protect them while enjoying the smut. This gave me that and more.

Untitled Request by @navybrat817 » Steve Rogers x Reader — Sending Steve a naughty photo while he’s in a meeting leads to punishment that will remind you to never do it again, right? | Hi, I’m just going to drench myself in ice cold water. ✌🏻

(Mini) Series:

*Control Pt. 3 🔐 Pt. 1 🔐 Pt. 2 by @river-soul » dark!Steve Rogers x Reader — When a probationary agent asks you out on a date you learn Steve’s intentions for you have evolved. He doesn’t take kindly to someone touching what’s his. [Noncon, physical violence (biting), grooming behavior and explicit sex, 18+] | Definitely one of my favorite series to read on Tumblr so far, you know it’s dark, and the smut is great. I always look forward to the updates on this one.

*Lipstick and Crayons 🖍 Ch. 4 by @oneoftheprettynerds » Dark Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader — Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob. | This story always gets my heart a racing and leaves you with questions as to what is going to happen next. I truly love it and Soft!Dad while being Angry!Mob boss Steve all at the same time, this story just has it all for me.

This Is My Unbecoming by @river-soul » Werewolf!Steve Rogers x Witch!Reader — When the Hydra pack graduates from turning humans to swell their ranks to kidnapping and murdering witches to consolidate power, Steve knows he needs to strike. He makes a deal with a powerful coven leader for a witch of his own in exchange for destroying the rogue pack. [Magical realism, biting, blood, slightly dubious consent and explicit sex, 18+] | Okay this is so good and I would like to thank the teenage mind of @river-soul for creating this! Like seriously thank you. I look forward to reading more!

It’s been a long, long time ☕️ Ch.1 by @mostly-marvel-musings » Steve Rogers x Reader — Steve Rogers – a man who has lost too much finds himself blending into the crowd in attempts to forget his past but revisits familiar places and spends days sketching his heart out. A rainy evening leads him to find shelter in your coffee shop. Is having meaningful conversations over endless cups of coffee with a stranger the key to unlocking a heart that’s lost the will to love? | The prologue tore my heart out, it truly did but the first chapter just puts the pieces back together. I really love this and I’m honestly looking forward to reading what happens next. I can’t thank you enough for entering my writing challenge!

*Not A Team Part: 1 by @shedobewritingalittle » Steve Rogers x Reader — The Reader tries to live a normal life, but her memories won’t leave her alone. Rhodey comes to visit the reader with a proposition. | There aren't a lot of stories out there that have walk on parts with Rhodey in it and I didn’t know how much I missed out on having him in stories till I read this. This was just so well written and the characterization of Rhodey was perfect, how Peyton got the emotions written across, it’s perfect. Read this and have some tissues on hand. I will always love it.

Andy Barber

One-Shots:

Closing Arguments by @river-soul » Andy Barber x Reader — Andy and you are going out for the first time since your daughter’s birth. Anxious about leaving her behind Andy does his best to make you feel better. [Fluff with explicit sex (f recieving), 18+] | So fluffy and sweet!

Keep the Heat by @ozarkthedog » Andy Barber x Reader — Andy fucks you in the coat. | Semi-Short and the smut is oh so good.

(Mini) Series:

Homebound 🏡 Ch. 1 by @fuel-joy » Dark!Andy Barber x Reader — You witness your neighbor kill his wife. You try to gather evidence all from the comfort of your home. | Prepare to be at the edge of your seat with this one, it’s just that good.

One Night by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor » Dark!Andy Barber x Reader — One night changes your entire life. | This is dark and exciting, with tons of angst in it. I love a real good dark!Andy fic and this is it.

Chris Evans

One-Shots:

Mirrors by @cherrychris » Chris Evans x Reader — “wanna know what i see? me owning you and this sweet little pussy” | Sometimes you read things that just blow your mind and this was one of those things.

*Work Party by @harrylovex » Chris Evans x Reader — you get drunk at a work party and chris looks after you… | This is really adorable and probably one of my favorite fluffy Chris Evans one-shots I’ve ever read.

Misc.

One-Shots:

An Act of Kindness by @stargazingfangirl18 » Jake Jensen x Female!Reader — A simple act of kindness seals your fate. | I would like to simply start of by saying that this was my first Jake Jensen fanfiction in years, or maybe my first one, and all I could was where have I been hiding from him? So good and glad I read this and so will you!

*Come Back Safe by @celestialbarnes » Sam Wilson x Reader — based on tfatws, you find out sam’s leaving for a mission, afraid to lose the man you love, you confront him, and he promises you to come back. | So fluffy you’ll want to cuddle it under a blanket fort and wish under a thousand starry night skies for it to come true.

(Mini) Series:

Fiery Friends Pt. 3 🔥 Pt. 4 by @wanderinglunarnights » Johnny Storm x OFC!Sophia Jones — Johnny invites his best friend Sophia to stay with him in his penthouse during quarantine. | I really like this story, because I find myself mentally rooting for Sophia and Johnny, also going you go girl. Looking forward to what is next for this duo.

Ensnared Pt. 2 🔗 Pt. 1 by @stargazingfangirl18 » Ransom Drysdale x Female!Reader; minor Robert Pronge (Mr. Freezy) x Reader — Robert preps you for the handoff to the smooth talking stranger who bought you, but before he lets you go, he wants to have a little fun first. | So good and hot. Honestly I look forward to hopefully finding out what happens between the reader and Ransom.

Made With Love by @ayybtch » Wanda Maximoff x f!Reader + Friends to Lovers — Wanda is an excellent cook but a terrible baker. A rough day leads her to the bakery in the Avengers compound where she meets you, the lead baker. After a dismal attempt at making chocolate chip cookies, you volunteer to help Wanda learn how to bake. Your friendship grows stronger with each successful recipe until the two of you stumble into something even sweeter than baked goods. | This story will constantly have you smiling, sure it’s only 3 chapters so far, but I started off reading it in a bad mood but by the 3rd chapter I was just so sappy and happy. I can’t wait for more!

Without Me by CuttingMyFingersOff » Legolas x OFC!Braigeth — Braigeth was an elf who has nothing but memories of Legolas to help her survive being imprisoned in the walls of Orthanc. That is, until she is able to escape and reunite with him. | I’ve been invested in this since my friend came forward to me with the idea for this story and now that it’s being written, I couldn’t be more excited to read it. I need more Lord of the Rings in my life if I’m being honest.

Forever and Ever More by @syntheticavenger » Dark Alpha!Ransom Drysdale x Omega!Reader — Ransom Drysdale may be Boston’s most eligible Alpha but he has his eyes set on you. With his inheritance hanging in the balance, he won’t take no for an answer, whether you like him or not. | Prepared to go on a Hawaiian EMOTIONAL roller coaster with this story, there are so many times in this story you find yourself picking your jaw up off the floor. I’ve linked you to chapter 9, which has all the previous chapters, listed.

Is A Shout Out To My...

@bluemusickid in celebration of 700 followers is hosting a Holi Celebration Writing Challenge, that is due April 30th, but extension can be given. Any Marvel or MCU characters can be used in addition to Chris Evans and his characters. The theme is Holi and its colors, for better explanation visit the link provided.

@whisperlullaby in celebration of 700 followers is hosting a 700 Followers Challenge, your entries will be due May 5th. The theme is kinks, no RPF, DDLG/MMLG, bathroom related , incest, or under age kinks. This is MCU characters, Sebastian Stan, and Chris Evans characters x OFC or Reader. For more information visit the link provided. Congrats Becca on the 700 followers you deserve it hun!

@stargazingfangirl18 in celebration of 5K followers is hosting a Soft Dark Writing Challenge, which is due May 31st. Don’t let the name fool you, your writing can be soft, dark, or soft!dark, or headcanons about any Chris character. 500 word minimum with no max, but new or be read as a stand alone piece. For more information visit the link provided and be sure to congratulate Siri on her 5K milestone!

@cloudystevie in celebration of 4K followers is hosting a Mob!AU Writing Challenge, that is due on May 30th. You can use Chris Evans and any of his characters he’s played before, as well as make it NSFW or SFW. To learn more about it please visit the link below. Also congratulations Jasmeen on the 4K followers! 💗

#fanfiction recommendations #VelvetCardiganBucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #ktk fic rec #ktk rec ‘21 #mob!steve rogers x reader #mob!bucky barnes x reader #ktk rec #andy barber x reader #andy barber #chris evans x reader #writing challenge #alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader #nomad!steve rogers x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #biker!bucky barnes #biker!bucky barnes x reader #johnny storm #johnny storm x original character #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker #mob!bucky barnes x ofc #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!stever rogers #legolas x ofc #legolas

[incorrectquotesconaisseur]

SO GUYSSSS I JUST FINISHED READING RULE OF WOLVES AND WHAT THE HELL???? I am a MESS

(so here are my thoughts that I had while reading it)

❗❗RULE OF WOLVES SPOILERS❗❗

• Lol Nikolai has a horse named Punchline, I love him so much

• Sankta Zoya Y E S

• Nina is sooo badass I love her - Brum needs to die btw

• Fjerda is a little shit

• "If not for Nina, their blessed termite eating at the heart of Fjerda’s government" - did I mention I love Nina?????

• Nikolai is a freaking mastermind and I love him

• OMG THEY HAVE AN ANTIDOTE FOR PAREM NOW???? HELL YEAH take THAT Fjerda!!!!

• Nina adopting Kaz's mindset when back at the Ice Court is what I live for

• UGH THE APPARAT

• Nikolai is soooo in love with Zoya I AM GOING CRAZY

• Zoya's "you forget that in Kerch greed is a virtue" gave me MAJOR Kaz vibes... I miss my crow babies

• Maybe it's an unpopular opinion, but I don't really like Ehri

• ZOYALAI NATION, HOW ARE WE??? ARE WE CRYING?

• I just REALLY love the found family trope and seeing everyone gathered in Zoya's rooms and Zoya curled up on the couch next to Genya I just AAAAAAAAA

• I absolutely adore the whole concept of the Darkling's prison and the CONSTANT sunlight he has to face HA - Alina vibes

• OMG "bring me Alina Starkov" WHAT THE FUCK I have literal chills ESPECIALLY after seeing the S&B trailer:)

• Nina being so confident in everything she learned from the Crows gives me so much serotonin I WANT MY BABIESSS

• Oh my god... I like prince Rasmus, he gives me major Nikolai vibes

• I draw immense satisfaction from Kaz and Zoya using "podge" as their preferred curse word :))))

• NIKOLAI CAN SEPARATE HIMSELF FROM HIS DEMON???? King behavior

• HOLY SHIT ALINA AGREED TO THE MEETING here we go again, fam

• I'm seeing Nikolai talking a lot about accepting his death and being undisturbed by the prospect of it and it feeaks me out - if he dies, I die with him

• Random, but: they need to get the thorn stuff from the Order of Sankt Feliks or whatever, right??? Maybe they have to steal it... and they would require expertise... MAYBE SOME CROWS PLS???????? (I am such a clown)

• Okay wait... so the letters that prove Nikolai is a bastard are in the druskelle sector... PLEASE TELL ME NINA HAS TO BREAK IN THE ICE COURT the fact that she is back there ALONE makes my heart clench so hard... I MISS MY CROWS

• FUCK ALINA SHOWED UP (also Oncat apparently and now I want to cry about Harshaw again)... AND MAL I can't take this I AM HYPERVENTILATING

• I AM LEGIT ON THE FLOOR Yuri is still there FINALLY understanding that the Darkling is evil AND NOW MY MAIN MAN GOT HIS POWERS BACK oh, I love the chaos

• NIKOLAI FUCKING CARRIES ZOYA'S RIBBON IN HIS POCKET nobody fucking touch me

• THE WEDDING IS FOR GENYA AND DAVID????? I AM SOOO CONFUSED what the heck

• Nikoali is the most fucking badass amazing cunning freakishly intelligent idiot I have ever seen in my entire life, my love for him is immesurable, I cannot put into words just how awesome his awesomeness is TAKE THAT MAKHI YOU BITCH

• OH HELL NO the demon is trying to escape SMACK THAT BITCH NIKOLAI BABY

• Oh wow, Rasmus is crazyyyy af he isn't anything like Nikolai my perfect boi SORRY

• OMG Nikolai's dad us a good guy??? I feel so sorry for him... SO NIKOLAI WAS RIGHT TO BE A ROMANTIC huh

• FUCKING HELL again with the nichevo’ya???? Darkling bby, what the HECK

• Nononononooo NO NOOOO NOT DAVID WHAT THE FUCK LEIGH

• "This is what love does" one of the most powerful quotes tbh

• Wait... they want to???? STEAL??? titanium from the Kerch??? .... DOES THIS MEAN.... C R O W S?????

• Okay but... the Darkling's POV? POWER MOVE I love it!!! And the fact that he uses Aleksander as his name with zero reticence now is just *chef's kiss*

• I'm sorry but... I don't like Mayu's chapters I AM SO SORRY I DON'T

• Nina is my badass queen STEP ASIDE PEASANTS

• All these SoC Easter Eggs and mentions are driving me insane

• Idk why but imagining the Darkling drinking beer is sooo funny to me

• I AM LOSING MY SHIT they are in Ketterdam KETTERDAM does that mean ....DOES THAT MEAN ....I better see my Crows or I am throwing hands

• The Zoyalai conversations in this book are KILLING me

• OH MY FUCKING GOD so Kaz took the Emerald Palace over and renamed it THE SILVER SIX???? LIKE???? I AM LEGIT CRYING???

• Ummm...Zoya, honey, WHY do you want to VOLUNTARILY stay away from Nikolai, HUH?????

• THE ONLY REASON HE AGREED TO HELP NIKOLAI WAS BECAUSE HE GUARANTEES INEJ'S PROTECTION if that's not L O V E idk what is YAAASSS KANEJ

• FUCKING SHIT JESPER!!!! IT'S JESPER!!!! WYLAN!!!! I AM FAINTING MY BABIESS

• The Crows' banter is WHAT I LIVE FOR

• Kaz is the most cold, badass and calculating motherfucker on the planet, I love him soooo much

• No NO NOO JORAN IS THE ONE WHO KILLED MATTHIAS????? HOLY SHIT I am sooo scared LEIGH WHYYYY

• Kaz's reaction to Nikolai's demon is legit the funniest shit ever

• Kaz and Nikolai are bffs - THIS IS HEADCANON LEAVE ME BE

• Queen Leyti has severely disappointed me

• I am having waayyyyy too much fun reading about the Darkling among blindly faithful monks - this is the stuff of sitcoms

• (I know the Crows only had a cameo and they won't pop up again, but I can't help desperation wanting to see Nina reunite with them and PLEASE GIVE ME INEJ!!!)

• Honestly, it's pretty cool getting to have a look in the Darkling's head - it's SUPER fucked up

• OOOOO the blight vs the Darkling = the only confrontation I want to see

• FATHER AND SON REUNION

• I don't care much for Hanne x Nina, but I have to admit that they make a very cute couple

• FUCK THEY BROKE STURMHOND'S BLOCADE FUUUUCK

• WAIT NO it was their plan all along HOLY SHIT electricity RULEZZZZ who knew physics would prove THIS useful???

• UUUGHH FUCK THE APPARAT I am so sick of this guy - Zoya was right, they should have killed him

• I am really pissed at the Darkling- YOU FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE HOW MUCH RAVKA NEEDS YOUR HELP, YOU SEE NIKOLAI'S BRAVERY, YOU KNOW YOU CAM HELP, AND YOU DO NOTHING??? BRO WHAT THE FUCK

• HELL YEAH ZOYA IS A DRAGOOON fuck some shit up sweety Y E S

• MY SKIN IS CLEARED AND MY CROPS ARE WATERED BY THE DARKLING RAISING A MOB TO CALL ZOYA "SANKTA"

• Also... the Darkling winking at Nikolai? FLERT

• WHAT THE FUCK???? HANNE DIED??? holy shit, why???? WHY CAN'T NINA BE HAPPY???????

• Nikolai is an absolute SAVAGE in a debate

• Idk what to think abt Rasmus... he was kinda badass for standing up against Brum

• SOLDIER. SUMMONER. SAINT. slap me and call me a hoe I SCREAMED WHEN I READ THAT

• ZOYA AS QUEEN, SIGN ME THE FUCK UP

• Okay I stan the Darkling again

• ZOYALAI IS CANON I REPEAT ZOYALAI IS CANONNNNN

• OKAY WOW HANNE IS A FULL-ON BADASS yep, I stan

• I really???? LOVE??? this ending for the Darkling??? Idk but it is VERY fitting

• ALINA!!!! AT ZOYA'S!!!! CORONATION!!!! my life is complete

• FUCKING SHIT INEJ!!! INEEEEEJJJJ my queen my love AAAAAA

• The conversation at the end between Alina, Zoya and Genya DESTROYED ME

• STEALING THE HEART OF SANKT FELIKS yes please BRING THE CROWS BACK!!!!! I NEED ANOTHER CROWS SEQUEL!!!!

• I fainted, I ascended, I DIED at the last page

• NOW I NEED A SEQUEL!!!

• Leigh, you ARE goig to write what happens next, right? RIGHT? RIGHT????

#rule of wolves #row #row spoilers #rule of wolves spoilers #leigh bardugo

[shiggyscumrag]

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima helping out their s/o after and during a panic attack

Sorry its been really hard to write lately, like I just have no motivation. So sorry it's taken me so long to post an actual fic thing idk man-

I had a panic attack the other night after not having one in months (I dont frequently have them, they are usually triggered when I'm out in public and in a high stress situation so this was pretty rare) so I wanted to write a self indulgent fic about one of my favs characters helping the reader with a panic attack/comforting them after the fact.

Personally listening to music helps me a lot when I'm feeling really anxious and it helped me get through my attack. Focusing in on the beat and lyrics helps me control my breathing and kinda blocks me out from the outside world. Idk if that makes since but yeah. So in one of the drabbles the reader is gonna listen to music to calm themselves down👍🏻

Warnings: mention of reader having a panic attack, mention of the reader struggling to breath, anxiety mentioned and discussed, angst with comfort :)

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

You laid on your comforter, a whiff of clean linen hitting your nostrils. You smiled lightly. You sat up slowly keeping your breath steady. Slowly wiping away the still fresh tears on your face. You didnt realize you had cried? Hm...interesting.

You walked out of your bedroom to your kitchen to get some ice cold water (the best kind of water) and to continue to calm down. After about thirty or so minutes of sitting in the kitchen sipping your water in silence you heard the front door open.

"Y/n? Love, I'm home!" Tadashi shouted taking off his shoes and rounding the corner to the kitchen. "Oh-" he stopped startled to see you sitting there mid drink. You were just so quiet he didnt realize you were there waiting. "Hello my love!" He came around the counter and gave you a smooch on your forehead. He pulled back and noticed your face and eyes were swollen puffy. It looked like you had been crying. "Love are you alright? Have you been crying?" He asked grabbing and examining your face.

You hummed closing your eyes slightly pouting. "I'm okay tashi-" a wheeze breaking from your throat cutting you off.

"Clearly not." He spoke quietly looking at you in the eyes. His emerald green eyes finding your (e/c) ones.

"I just had a little panic attack, but in fine now! I promise!" You spoke stopping part way through. Concern growing on his face, you continued trying to reassure him. "I stepped away from what trigged it and have been cooling down for about a half hour. I promise you Tadashi that I am okay." You say, a bit of sternness pushing through you voice. No longer hoarse or wobbly like before.

With no words Tadashi pulled you into his grasp giving you a firm but not to hard hug, kissing the top of your forehead.

"You could have called me." He finally spoke solemnly.

"I didn't want to bother you. Plus I had it under control!" You pushed back looking him in the eyes while continuing on "It wasnt super bad or anything, plus my phone triggered it so I threw it out of sight."

"Okay, just-" he stopped hesitantly, his grip getting a little tighter around the side of your arms but not to tight. "Call me if you need me next time, okay?" He finally spoke making eye contact once again.

"Of course, Tashi!" You exclaimed while your hands found home on his spotted cheeks. A smile growing across his face. "Now let's order some ramen, I'm starving!"

TSUKISHIMA KEI

You can't breathe. Why can't you breathe? This is a thing you should be able to do without thinking so why can't you? Your mind racing at a thousand miles a minute. breathe. Breathe. BREATHE.

There you were hyperventilating while laying down on your bed. You couldn't catch your breathe no matter how hard you tried. You knew you were having a panic attack. This isnt your first rodeo, but what triggered it? You were simply scrolling on your phone? Sure you had a stressful day and you were feeling a bit anxious. And yeah sure the notifications popping up every two seconds made you're anxiety spike even more, but still. That's no reason to trigger an attack, so why were you having one?

You wheezed out his name as loud as you could in the state you were currently in. You didnt think he heard you. You needed him to help you with stuff you cpuldnt currently move to get. Holy fuck, what were you gonna do. It felt like you were dying. Tsuki not coming made you spiral more. What if he was hurt and needed you more than you needed him? What if something happened? What if he left to go grab something and you just didnt hear him tell you? You were spiraling quickly. Starting to see black dots cloud your vision you finally heard the bedroom door open and Kei rush to your side. Not touching you, he didnt want to hurt you.

"Y/n? Y/n, what's going on? Come on baby, talk to me!" He said panicked.

"H-headphones-" you wheezed out.

He rushed over to the nightstand and grabbed them. Running back overheard asked "Okay, okay I got 'em! Now what?" He asked, a wild panicked look in his eye. A frown across his pale skin.

You pointed to your phone. He got the signal and plugged them in jabbing in your passcode hurriedly. Phone now unlocked he looked for your music app to pull up your favorite playlist and put the headphones in your ears as he hit play.

Hands finding your eyes you held your arms up, opening up your lungs. You focused on the words that were blasting in your ears as you tried to even out your breaths. Tsuki sat their right next to you, waiting for you to catch your breathe, not touching you. He didn't want to disturb or distract you.

After about 3 songs you could finally breath normally again. You reached over and pulled the ear buds out of your ears. Turning off the music you tossed your phone to the other end of the bed. You wiped your now wet face to get rid of the sweat and tears. Tsukishima only stared not knowing if you were okay for physical contact yet. You turned to him red faced with puffy swollen eyes and cheeks. You gave him a light smile. He pulled you into his embrace and started rubbing comforting circles into your back cooing praises into your ear. You simply sat in his arms focusing on his words and the warmth of his body agaisnt yours.

"Thank you, Kei." You wheezed out.

"Oh shut up, theres no reason to thank me." He turned kissing your temple, pulling you harder into him. You smiled gently and cuddled into his loving embrace.

#hq x reader #hq x gn!reader #hq x male reader #hq x female reader #hq tsukishima #hq tadashi #hq yamaguchi #hq comfort #hq angst to comfort #hq angst #tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tsukishima kei #tsukishima comfort #yamaguchi x you #yamaguchi comfort #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x gn!reader #yamaguchi x gn!reader #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu tsukishima #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu yamaguchi #anime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x poc!reader #haikyuu angst #writing

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here!

Etsy Store Here l Ko-Fi l Commission Info I Instagram I Zine

A/N: This is the last part to The miscommunication series, I hope you guys enjoy it ;) Also peep the last link to ‘Zine’ and stay tuned

This is weird.

You look up from your textbook at the scrawny boy across from you. The circles under his eyes look especially dark as the blue light from his tablet shines on his face.

Yeah, this situation is super weird.

You’re ashamed to admit it, but you’ve been avoiding Dick a little bit lately.

You’re still pleasant to him in class, and you see him at the study group sessions, but you don’t try to make the effort to see him in situations where it’s just the two of you.

You’re just not ready to see him with all these feelings brewing inside you.

So the last thing you wanted was to run into his little brother, especially when you purposefully went to another coffee shop across town just so you wouldn’t run into Dick.

Still, you’re surprised Tim chose to sit with you after ordering 4 shots of espresso over ice.

“The ice makes it cold so you can’t taste how bitter it is” he had told you when you looked at his drink with a skeptical expression.

Well, it’s not a problem, you think taking a sip of your chai tea. Tim seems like a quiet person, he’s only said a handful of words to you so far, he probably won’t even bring up -

“So are you and Dick fighting?” Tim asks without looking up and you choke on your tea.

“So you are fighting” he hums as his gaze trails from his tablet to you. He figured Dick was being paranoid, honestly, even Tim thought following you to the coffee shop and pretending that he just ran into you was overkill.

Man, he figured you were just in the middle of some misunderstanding. He’s usually right about these things. Tim’s not going to lie, it stings to know Dick was on the nose about this one.

“It’s not that we’re fighting,” because you both really aren’t, there’s only going to be a fight if he finds out how you feel and how uncomfortable your new feelings make him considering he already has someone he loves.

“I just don’t want to get between him-“

“And Nightwing?” Tim supplies for you and your eyes widen.

“You know?” Tim nods in response.

You think Tim is saying he knows his brother and Nightwing are dating.

Tim thinks that you found out Dick got reprimanded a few weeks ago because he was spotted chatting with you on your balcony. He was able to play it off as just a normal chat but he would be risking exposing you to every villain in Gotham if they ever found out your were someone important to him.

“Maybe you are-“ Tim hums. You feel like a lightning bolt has struck your spine. So Dick does know about your feelings - or at least suspects something.

“But that’s not exactly a bad thing” Tim finishes, and you raise an eyebrow. You wait for an explanation but Tim’s already turned back to his tablet, typing away.

You look at the city, buildings springing up like trees from the concrete, their jagged edges like the crooks of a mountain. Nothing’s really changed. Not the buildings, or the skyline, not the stars in the inky black void of outer space. Not the city that never seems to sleep, the idle chatter of cars and civilians always whirring in the distance.

The only thing that has seemed to change, is you.

“That smells good, is it green tea?”

Well, one other thing has changed. You find a smile twitching onto your mouth as you hand Nightwing the mug in your hands. He’s perched on the ledge of your balcony, legs swing against the bars.

You get anxious just watching him.

“I had a feeling you’d stop by, it’s cherry blossom green tea, I think you’ll like it.” It’s a naturally sweet tea, so he should find it suits his taste considering he seems to share the same disposition for sweet things as his boyfriend.

You know that encounter with Tim this morning was weird, but the fact that you’ve kind of become late-night tea and chat buddies with your love rival is even weirder.

Looks like you can’t even make friends in a normal way.

“You’re a lifesaver,” he grins taking a sip of the hot beverage with a satisfied smile. The hum he lets out afterward sends shivers down your spine. Geez, no wonders Dick has it so bad for him.

You wonder what kind of noises he makes when they’re together-

Nope. Nope. No. Nope. No.

That was too far, your imagination really needs to get a grip.

“So how are things with you and that guy you love?” You flinch at the mention, choosing to take an unusually long sip of tea right then.

“That good huh?” Nightwing snorts, and you sigh. You’re not going to tell him about the cryptic conversation you had with Tim, especially considering the fact that he doesn’t seem to support their relationship.

Dick feels a little frustrated, as he watches you avoid his eyes. The whole thing seems off like there’s something missing. So you don’t want to be seen with Dick Grayson, but you don’t mind midnight tea talk with Nightwing- and you tell Tim how you don’t want to get in between him and his superhero persona- and then you wave him over when you see he’s a rooftop over-

It just doesn’t make any sense.

And worst of all-you look so pretty standing there, even with that sad look on your face.

“Well you know what they say-“ you let out a dry laugh, “to get over someone, you have to get under someone else”

It’s just a joke - a bad joke, you’re helping it’ll ease the tension. You figure Nightwing will make a dumb joke or pun back, and this whole thing can be behind you when he says-

“Get under me then” you’re so taken aback but what he’s said you’re sure he must have heard wrong. But when you look away from the green tea in your mug to his face, that chiseled face is only a few inches away from your own.

Before you can open your mouth to ask what he’s doing so close to you, his lips are pressed over your own. His gloved fingers ghosting over your cheek, holding it so tenderly that the action sends shivers down your spine.

Dick pulls away, fingers retreating to his domino mask, he doesn’t want to confess to you as Nightwing he wants to do it as Dick-

When you slap him.

This has seriously been the worst day. Dick sighs as he turns the water faucet to his shower off, grabbing his towel from the rack.

First, he forgets his cell phone at home on a Monday afternoon, so he’s got nothing to do to pass the time while he patrols.

Then the girl he likes slaps him before running back into her apartment without another word, probably to go cry-

And finally, to make the perfect end to the perfect day Dick got caught in a spontaneous rainstorm, getting soaked to the bone on his way back home. He figured Gotham could wait for a few hours and decided to come home a little early.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if I catch a cold” he mumbles tying his robe around his waist, his hands moving the towel to dry his hair, stopping mid-motion when he hears several very urgent knocks.

Well, who could it be at this hour? He’s considering ignoring it, probably just one of his brothers wanting to use his shower, when he hears several more knocks.

“Geez Jason, the neighbors are going to complain” he hisses, as he clings open the door, fully expecting to see his younger brother drenched to the bone and creating a puddle in the middle of his apartment building's hallway.

And someone is standing in the middle of his apartment building's communal hallway, drenched to the bone and creating a puddle in the hallway. But it’s not Jason, it’s you.

He only pulls you inside his apartment, the door clicking behind you when you break down into tears.

“I-I’m so sorry! I really didn’t mean to, I should have known better but- I didn’t think it would happen” The words are jilted by your tears and your chattering teeth. Did you run all the way here? Dick wonders as he starts using his slightly damp towel to dry your hair.

“I really didn’t want it, Dick, I promise I didn’t-“ you clasp his arm now jilting his movements. In the pandemonium, he completely forgot that you were the one that slapped him just a few hours ago, and now you’re the one apologizing for something?

“What are you talking about?” he sees your gulp hard, your eyes averted like a dog that realizes he’s accidentally snapped at his owner. And then, with clenched eyes and your hands balled into fists you shout:

“Nightwing kissed me!” Yeah, he knows, he was there. Kinda weird that you’re referring to him with his superhero persona. You look at him earnestly now- clasping both of his hands in yours.

“I promise I didn’t mean to make a pass at your boyfriend or steal him away from you.”

.

..

...

Huh?

You’re babbling about how ‘You could do so much better than a guy like that Dick’ and ‘if it was me- I would never do something like that’ when the flashbulb finally goes off over his head.

Oh.

Ohhhhhhhh. You think he’s dating Nightwing. This actually explains a lot.

“Here come with me” he grabs onto your numb wrist before you can answer, tugging you towards his bedroom. Your eyes staring into his robe-covered back.

Oh no, you can’t believe you didn’t realize it before.

Nightwing’s here isn’t he? That would answer why he hasn’t answered any of the texts you’ve sent him. Who would when they were busy having a romantic liaison with their lover. And obviously, he spun some different story for Dick, probably that you kissed him. And now you’re going to have to confront them both and pray that Dick believes you-

Only to your surprise, the bedroom is empty, and Dick’s fiddling around with something in his rather large wardrobe. Before you can ask what he’s doing he pulls out a suit-

It almost looks like a wet suit, with accents of blue amongst the sleek black- so he surfs? Is he showing off right now?

But then your eyes land on the bright blue symbol smack dab in the middle of the chest.

So Nightwing was here, and he did spin another story! You’re mentally preparing your best argument when you look into Dick’s baby blue eyes stare into your own, softening as they gaze warmly at you.

“(Y/N), I’m Nightwing”

.

..

...

(Y/N).exe is broken

Dick watches you gulp hard. Then he watches you slide past him, each step pronounced with a squeak, and step into his wardrobe before closing it from the inside.

“(Y/N)!”

“(Y/N)’s dead, so she can’t come to the phone anymore” Dick can practically feel the embarrassment radiate through the wardrobe door, and in spite of the situation, Dick laughs. He laughs so hard you actually swing open the door, crouched at the bottom of his wardrobe.

“It’s not funny Dick! Do you know how worried I was about you! I thought Bruce Wayne was homophobic and that you were leading some double life!” Dick only laughs harder at that. To be fair, he is leading a double life, just not the one you imagined he was.

“Well you’re not totally wrong,” he says between chuckles, sitting on the ground outside your wardrobe next to you. “I like guys and girls, but Bruce had it figured out before I even did,” he says with a shrug, mouth quirked up into a grin. His cheeks hold a rosy tinge, but somehow his red cheek is even brighter-

Ah, that’s the cheek you slapped.

Without thinking you reach out to him, your thumb caressing the swollen flesh. Dick doesn’t flinch away, relaxing into your touch.

“Sorry about that, I thought your boyfriend was cheating on you,” you say with a sheepish smile. Dick grins even wider.

“Would the response have been the same if you knew it was me?” There’s a hopeful glint in his eyes and you feel your heartbeat stutter.

Is he stupid?

If you knew it was Dick if you knew it was the boy you loved sitting on your balcony railing drinking tea with you all those times-

“Of course I wouldn’t have”

And Dick doesn’t wait another moment, leaning forward to catch your lips in his own.

This time you don’t slap him. Instead, you place both hands on his face and pull him in closer.

BONUS:

“So you’re Nightwing-“ you say, sitting cross-legged across from Dick in a marching bathrobe in his bed. He insisted you shower, he didn’t want you getting sick. You thought he was going to combust with how red he turned when you jokingly asked if he wanted to join you.

“And your Dad, Bruce, he’s Batman”

“That’s right” Dick nods.

“And you’re brothers, they’re the Red Hood, Robin, and Red Robin... respectively,”

Dick nods again.

“And Stephanie and Cass, they’re a part of this too, They’re both Batgirl” Dick nods, he tries to get some eye contact, but you’re firmly starting down at your hands.

“And your ex, Barbara Gordon, Commissioner Gordon’s daughter- she’s the original Batgirl.”

This must be pretty overwhelming, he had never realized what a robust mantle their extended family collectively carried. He’s about to offer you some comfort when your head snaps up-

“Do you think if I got all of them to autograph my textbook I could sell it and buy a new one”

Dick starts laughing.

“Seriously, there’s no one like you in the world”

#batman imagine #dc comics imagine #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson imagines #dick grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #nightwing headcanon #nightwing imagine #nightwing fanfiction #superhero—imagines #dick miscommunication series

[imxeracus]

From Now On

Ok y’all, this is super long hahahahha I’m so sorry. Happy Gruvia Week 2021!! Here’s my contribution and I’m sorry but I don’t think I have the time to do more but I hope you guys like it anyway. I hope its not too OOC and if FT had more romance elements I believe this would be possible. Enjoy!

--------------------------- Gray tousled his hair and fidgeted around the entrance, feeling nervous about the day when it was only about 10 o’clock in the morning. Today, he told himself that he had to make sure things went well and most of all, to not take off any of his clothes subconsciously. For an ice mage, ironically he could not seem to get himself to calm down and stay cool about this. Regarding his first official date with Juvia, that is.

The 100 Years Quest was over and as promised, he spoke to Juvia about their relationship and how he was finally good enough for her. Despite the water mage’s disagreement to his initial beliefs and reasoning, she was elated that Gray formally addressed their feelings for each other. Furthermore, he initiated that they ought to have a proper first date that weekend itself.

He clicked his tongue briefly and frowned upon himself as he began to manifest in some thoughts to keep himself together. Why are you getting all nervous for! He ponders, his hands getting a little clammy in his pockets. Aren’t you the Gray Fullbuster, who bravely puts himself out for others and save the world countless times?

”Gray-sama?”

Before he could go on any further, a cute slivery voice interrupted his train of thought. Miserably trying to keep his cool, he spun around eagerly and was met with sapphire eyes that gave off a different vibe from her usual self. The said bluenette had her locks half tied and wore an off-shoulder dress that was not too revealing, similar to her nature. Accompanied with her outfit was a pair of kitten heels, some accessories and a subtle blush adorning her cheeks.

”Juvia is sorry for making you wait.”

For the majority, her outfit is considered simple and chic but for today, Gray thought she looked really, really good. Dammit, he gulped loudly as he felt his cheeks started to blush already at the sight of her. He knew that the water user was attractive, but it was beginning to sink in that he is now calling this beautiful person his. “Ah—um—” Gray fumbled and looked away, trying his best to hide the redness. “Shall we get going?” She simply smiled, gave a small chuckle and placed her left hand gently on his right arm (as if he could take more), indicating him to proceed to their destination. On their first date, Fullbuster had planned to go and visit the aquarium—because the water reminds him of Juvia, but he is never going to admit it—which was not too far off from where they were. It was a good walking distance, and they had a nice peaceful time on the way there. Despite saying that, he was worried as it did not seem natural for the bluenette to stay silent. Especially today, he expected her to be more excited and be all over him. As they arrive at the aquarium, Gray went over to the counter and bought a pair of tickets and made his way back to the front, where Juvia was waiting for him. As he carefully observed the water mage from a distance, he could see that she was looking down with an expression he could not seem to grasp. ”Juvia.” Surprised, she looked up hastily to see Gray back by her side. ”Is everything alright?” ”Juvia’s fine!” She exclaimed, quick to lighten up the mood. “She’s just... a little excited—as in, we’ve never done this before—but Juvia’s really happy!” She glanced at him timidly. “Also, Gray-sama looks dashing today.” For once with the determination of not stripping everything off, the ice mage did make the effort to dress well in a brown coat paired with a t-shirt and jeans. Albeit reddening slightly at her remark, he was more concerned on the fact she seemed to not be telling the truth. Here he was, blessed to have her despite all those years of constantly avoiding her advances—and now, when she is distressed, she was still keeping herself together to not worry him. His gaze soften as the guilt was slowly crept up inside him. Despite that, the said man tried to push the matter aside for the time being and wanted to make sure the day goes well. As of now, he knew that he needed to push himself more and step up his game. Once again, her eyes met with his onyx ones as he spoke quickly. “You.. you look good, too.” Juvia’s pupils dilated while Gray blushed furiously, frowning at how embarrassed he was over such a simple statement. It was a start, at least. He also noted on how she seemed to be elated from it. Before she could ask anything else, he took her hand in his and brought them into the aquarium. He could tell people were staring as the both of them were rather known after all they have done in Fiore, but screw it. Gray decided that it was not going to get in the way of his pride today if it could. Thankfully, the ice mage started to loosen up as Juvia gleefully looked at all the sea creatures that were present. When her beloved mentioned about this place, she gladly agreed because this place was known for breeding imported fishes outside of Fiore. The water woman, being part of the sea and occasionally swimming in it, found joy learning the names and characteristics of the animals she meets in the ocean.  “So these are angelfishes!” she exclaimed to Gray, as she lightly tapped on his shoulder while pointing at the said creature. “Juvia always sees them if she takes a dive into the ocean.” “Hmm,” Gray mused, acting disinterested. “What else do you normally see?” "Juvia’s seen all of these underwater because in this tank, all of them are common sea fishes.” “Isn’t that a bore?” The ice mage rolled his eyes. “We should go see something you don’t normally see—that’s what this place is for.” He smoothly took her hand in his and brought her along. Meanwhile, Juvia lightly blushes as she realised that this incident—Gray initiating the hand holding—has been happening a few times already. Every time she releases his grasp to point or walk towards a destination, the brunet would eventually put them back together again. She glanced at Gray who seemed to pay no mind to the matter as they visited the different tanks and places of the aquarium. Indeed, the bluenette was not complaining but a little taken aback. Is this suppose to be normal? She thought, as her imagination continued to spiral on. The smooth and sly Gray-sama was taking a little too much for her to handle—even from before! Eventually, her legs gave way and she started to lose her balance. Quickly, she placed her hand on the wall for balance which caused her footsteps to come to a halt and the ice mage to notice her situation. “Juvia!” He held her arms by the sides and shook her slightly in worry. “I’m right earlier, aren’t I? You really weren’t feeling good?” “Gray-sama...” He raised a brow in question. “Yes?” Juvia took a quick glance back at him before she burst into tears. “Gray-sama is too gentlemanly and sly today!” She wailed, half in distress and in joy. “First, he chooses to dress up and pick Juvia up at her place. Secondly, he complimented her outfit she took hours to decide and still felt it wasn’t good enough!” “Lastly, Juvia didn’t want to bother him and occasionally walks on her own, but Gray-sama keeps coming back, holding her hands gently and she’s too happy that she can’t walk straight anymore!” Full of emotions, she tried to control her tears as she quickly wiped some of it away. “Juvia’s not used to it Gray-sama. You’re being too nice and cool!” At this he flushed hard, did he really hold her hand so often? “Oi!” He panicked, his cheeks continue to redden in embarrassment at her bold statements of him. “D-don’t make sure a big deal out of it. I mean—like—just calm down!” With her loud voice, the people nearby saw and heard the context of the incident and lightly chuckled in amusement which caused Gray to be conscious with their surroundings and it made him uncomfortable. He quickly took her to an area with minimal crowd and dimmed lights to spare them from all the attention. He sat Juvia down on the nearby bench in hopes to calm her down as she sniffed softly. The ice mage took a moment to stare at the bluenette who was being all worked up earlier on. Gray’s eyebrows furrowed as he run his hand through his hair in exasperation before he sat down next to her. “Here,” A cold can drink grazed upon Juvia’s cheek gently. “Drink this.” She took it with gratitude and managed a few sips, a troubled look appearing on her features as she noticed her beloved looking away—clearly upset. The water mage frowned and looked down, tightening her hold on the can drink as she quickly apologises. “Juvia is sorry, Gray-sama. She should’ve known better than to embarrass Gray-sama in public,” Surprised at herself, she started to fumble. “Gray-sama doesn’t like attention and Juvia failed to see it. Juvia shouldn’t have been so swamped at her own giddiness, Juvia was too–” “Stop it,” Gray clicked his tongue in annoyance, his bangs covering his eyes. “You make me sound like a terrible boyfriend.” “Juvia didn’t mean—eh?” It took a moment before she realised what Gray has declared and took a small peak at him. “Did Gray-sama just say ‘boyfriend’?” “Aren’t I?” “Juvia didn’t expect you to say that out...” He scratched his neck nervously, his eyes looking away. “I mean.. I promised you didn’t I? I’m going to become a man good enough for you. If I can’t even say that out, I’m worse than flamebrain.” As much as she was feeling touched, she couldn’t help but worry. “Juvia doesn’t want to force you to change, Gray-sama.” “I’m not forcing myself.” “But Gray-sama kept forcing himself to make sure that we held hands—” “Because I wanted to!” Pupils dilated once again as she was struck with confusion. Fullbuster, flushed and embarrassed at what he just blurted out, grew annoyed at her denseness and tousled his hair once more before speaking up. “Dammit woman, why are you making me say all these sappy shit...” “Look,” He sighed before looking back at her once again, determined. “Every time we hold hands, I always try to play it cool but damn—it’s stupid to say this as a grown man but I get so nervous and happy about it. I kept wanting you close to me....” Gray felt annoyed at his frenzied heart as he continued to speak his feelings aloud. “I really want to be better for you, Juvia. I don’t want you to always make it easy for me. I want to return the favour back as much as I can.”  Before he went on, the ice mage narrowed his eyes in dismay and looked away as he gripped his knuckles tightly. “But this whole time, I kept making you cry and get upset. Even now, I don’t even know how to make you feel better when you’re always here for me previously. Instead, I chose to take us somewhere else and frown about it because I was a coward.... I’m sorry.” The ice mage mumbled at the end of his sentence, but Juvia could make out his words anytime. It was funny, really. All her life, the water mage was contented on loving him without expecting anything much back. Now, when it was becoming a reality, Juvia’s heart swelled. For once, her mind went blank on how to express these thoughts aloud. Loving Gray has been wonderful, but being loved back by him now was even better than she could ever imagined. She placed a hand on his cheek in efforts to cheer him up and as he turned back—in his opinion, Gray was greeted with the most alluring smile he has ever seen. “Thank you for trying so hard, Gray-sama.” She spoke in the most loving voice she could muster. “Juvia loves you very much.” In that moment, his gaze softened as he swiftly took away her hand that was on his face into his own, lacing them together. Tightening his hold on her said hand, Gray took her cheek in with his other free palm. The ice mage took a good look at her before he slowly leaned in. He heard Juvia uttered something out of confusion, but he paid no mind to it. Because in that moment, all he could think of was how much he adored her kindness, love and patience.  In the dim lighting and quiet section of the aquarium, his lips met hers in a chaste kiss as response to her statement earlier on. Frankly, the ice mage did not know what to say either as he nervously pulled away to check on her reaction. When his eyes slowly opened and met with hers, Gray could not help but smile back at his girl whose cheeks were now flushed in surprise. He let out a slight chuckle and squeezed her hand lovingly as he could tell that the water mage was clearly still processing the kiss. It was embarrassing, he admitted, but he did not regret doing so. He had nothing to hide anyways. “Shall we continue on with our date?”

After all, Juvia was his to keep from now on.

#gruvia #fairy tail #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gruvia week #I hope it's okay >< #by imxeracus #gruvia fanfic #gruvia drabble

[stripperblvd]

Slasher Pass Out HC’s

Warnings:  passing out + mentions of smut

Requested By: Anon

Word Count: 450

Jason:

You had been out with Jason collecting berries when you passed out.

The day was bat shit hot and you had already drank all of your water before this.

Cue poor baby freaking out.

He let go of the basket in his hands to go pick you up and carry you back home

You laid you down and soaked a rag in cold

to wake you up.

He was worried, did you just die? What was happening!?

Eventually you did wake up, groggy and super exhausted

He rushed to your side to make sure you were okay.

After making sure you were okay and not hurt, he made you eat and drink before going to bed

Good luck trying to set foot outside that cabin for the next month.

Michael:

You loved Michael, you truly did but damn could he get you tired.

All week long had he kept you up at night to partake in 18+ activities

No seriously he kept wanting to fuck like rabbits in heat

He would wake you up whether it be by shaking you awake or simply getting to it and having you startled at such….intrusion.

You didn’t mind having sex with Michael but he was intense to keep up, let alone for a whole week.

You were in the middle of the deed when you finally passed out. And he didn’t notice.

In fact michael only noticed when he saw how limp you actually were and even then he didn’t really care.

He simply sipped his junk back into his pants.

However he wasn’t a jerk, he threw covered your body with a blanket

Michael even stayed the night to at least make sure he didn’t leave any evidence behind if he had indeed killed you.

Thomas:

OH BOY.

Everyone knows this Texan boy is extremely protective of his family, specially his SO

So the moment he watches you collapse on the hot ground he drops the body he’s holding and rushes over to you.

You were sweating so much and a shallow breathing pattern left your mouth.

He Quickly brought you inside so that you could cool down and drink something to freshen up.

He left you in the couch before going to fetch a large glass of sweet iced tea Luda had prepared that morning

When you woke up he made sure you drank enough tea so that your throat wouldn’t be sore.

He then made you go up and get rest, agreeing with Luda that you shouldn't be out for the rest of the day.

The night he made sure you were as comfortable as possible and made a mental note to keep you nice and hydrated.

I just love writing Michael and his half assed antics. Anyways I hope you enjoyed these HCs anon, and thank you so very much for requesting it. I haven’t written for my dear slashers in a hot minute.

7/10/20

#jason vorhees x reader #jason voorhees #michael myers #michael myers x reader #Thomas Hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader

[kyber-crystal]

Always Close By

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~3.1k hehe kinda long

Summary: In which even the mightiest of superheroes aren’t immune to sickness, and when Steve falls ill, you end up babysitting him. 

Warnings: none, just steve being a big baby ahaha 

Sleep had never really come easily to you. Your insomnia had been a consistent issue since before you first joined the Avengers, so days like these in which you mindlessly wandered around the compound downing two or three cups of coffee and eating granola bars weren't uncommon.

You hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night yet for some reason, weren't feeling drowsy like you usually did when you stayed up. This time Sam and Bucky were also awake with you, and the three of you switched between playing Mario Kart and Animal Crossing to kill time.

One by one the rest of the team began to wake up and you and Wanda decided to start preparing breakfast. After everyone had finished eating you'd noticed Steve still hadn't come out, and decided to go check up on him.

"Steve?" you knocked carefully on his bedroom door as to not disturb him. "It's time for breakfast."

You didn't get a proper reply but heard a light groan in response, deciding to go inside after several more attempts.

He was buried under his covers, forehead glistening with a cold sweat and his dirty-blonde hair disheveled. When he looked up to meet your gaze you noticed his cheeks were flushed a bright red from heat, and were immediately concerned at the sight.

"Hey," you said softly, carefully approaching him. "You okay?"

Steve just shivered and shook his head.

"What happened?"

"Don't know."

You brought a palm up to his forehead and were alarmed by how hot it felt, hissing at his feverishness as you pulled your hand back. "You're burning up."

"I'll be fine, don't worry," he chuckled, but his laugh turned into a coughing fit. "I'm, just, fine."

"You're coming down with a fever," you stated. "I thought you couldn't get sick."

"Apparently, I can," he coughed, "But it's just a simple flu. I'll be back to normal before you know it. We have our weekly sparring showdown tonight, right? I can't miss out on that."

Despite the calm tone in his voice, you still weren't convinced. The thermometer read a whopping 105.6 degrees and from what you knew, that meant you had to get medical help right away.

"No, you're not. Your body temperature is abnormally high. You're staying in bed," you ordered, then sighed. It was hard not to go soft at those puppy dog eyes, but you knew denying him from being able to do any strenuous physical activity was for the best.

"Can you please speak more quietly," Steve whispered, "I have a migraine."

"I'm sorry," you were quick to lower your voice, "hey...how did this even happen to you? Did you eat anything weird?"

"Food poisoning?"

"No, that can't be. We all ate takeout together for dinner last...shit, shawarma." Your eyes widened in realization. "Dammit, it is."

"Language," he said weakly.

"You're staying in bed for today, alright?" you gave him a stern look.

"I'm not completely disabled, I can stand. Just let me go get some breakfast and afterwards I'll come right back to bed."

"Fine."

You gripped his forearm to help him stand up and his arm immediately went around your waist. You weren't sure whether the heat radiating off him was from his fever or from the way he generally made you feel. Brushing the thought off, you helped him to the kitchen.

"Damn, Cap. What happened?" Sam raised a brow at his friend's appearance.

"I think Tony poisoned him," you shot the billionaire a death glare. "I knew something was up with that shawarma place."

"Then how come none of us are sick?" Tony questioned. "We all had the same thing."

"No, we didn't. Steve and I were the only ones who specifically ordered the chicken shawarma. You guys took kebabs."

"Then why aren't you sick?"

"I don't know."

Steve pulled up a chair to the kitchen island, immediately laying his head on the cool marble counter and closing his eyes.

"Hey, Cap, you think you can try and stomach this? You need to eat or your condition will get worse," Pepper urged as she pushed a plate of scrambled eggs and French toast towards the super-soldier. He pulled himself back up into a sitting position and took a bite out of his toast, but quickly set it down after a wave of nausea washed over his body and he bit back a gag.

He tried to stand up and stumbled, but you and Bruce were quick to catch him by his shoulders.

"Cap? Are you okay?" the scientist asked gently. "Steve."

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and grasping your waist tightly as he grew lightheaded, the world around him beginning to spin rapidly.

You lowered his head onto your lap as Wanda gave you a cold towel, and you pressed it to his sweaty forehead as you ran your other hand through his hair.

"We should get him back to his room, then I'll go get the treatments," Bruce explained as you tried to pull him back up, which was a lot harder than it seemed. "Then we'll figure it out from there."

"Jeez, how heavy are you," you said as you tried helping him to his feet. "I swear you're twice my weight..."

"172," he replied plainly.

"Feels a lot heavier than that. Thought you were at least 200 with all that broad muscle," you grunted as Bucky came forward to help you, and Steve slung his arms around both your shoulders.

Once you led him to his room, Steve lazily crawled back into bed and you pulled the covers over him. It didn't take long before he fell asleep, breathing steadier than before though it still sounded somewhat plugged.

“You sure you’re okay staying here with him?” Bucky raised an eyebrow at you. “If you’re tired too, I can step in if you want.”

“It’s fine, I can handle it. But thanks,” you yawned, waving him off. “Now go and...kick Sam’s ass in Mario Kart so I can face off against you later.”

“You got it,” he ruffled your hair before leaving the room. 

You pulled out your phone to check the time, and sighed. 9:17.

I know I had a workout video scheduled to be posted, guys, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to have it up today, you typed out a quick message to your Twitter. Steve’s sick and I’m having to take care of him. Hope you all understand <3

Almost immediately, the replies came flooding in. 

Awww we love a supportive teammate/gf

Couple goals uwu

Get better soon, Cap!

You smiled to yourself, setting your phone on Steve’s nightstand and running your hand through his hair again. He did look rather peaceful while asleep - and not to mention, flawless, with a face looking like it was sculpted by the Greek gods themselves. Times in which you saw him in a state like this were extremely rare, so you treasured every little moment you got. Between co-commanding missions with you, filing reports, and countless meetings with SHIELD officials (you let him doodle on your hand as he half-listened to the lectures), he was restless. 

You didn’t know when or how you fell asleep, but when you woke up streams of bright light were filtering in through the windows, the sun high in the sky. You groaned and pushed yourself out of bed, gently laying Steve’s head against his pillow before standing up and shuffling down the hall to the kitchen.

“What time is it?” you rubbed your eyes with your sweater’s sleeve. “How long was I out for?”

“1:45. You want lunch? You hardly ate in the morning,” Rhodey pushed a plate towards you. “You’ve been asleep for roughly four hours, Y/N.”

You pulled your phone out again - the weather outside was apparently a breezy 68 degrees. The fact that it wasn’t even hot outside, but Steve was sweating profusely, made you concerned. 

You let out a satisfied sigh as you bit into the sandwich (courtesy of Vision’s cooking), practically inhaling it in just a couple of bites. “Did any of you guys come down with symptoms...?”

“No, but you’ve been exposed so I’d advise that you take this,” Bruce handed you a small, blue pill. “It should keep you from catching Steve’s bug.”

You nodded and swallowed the pill down without even bothering to drink anything. “Alright.”

Just five minutes passed before your phone buzzed on the table. You were quick to answer, holding it up to your ear.

“Y/NNNN.”

“Steve? What do you need? Are you okay? When did you wake up?”

“A few minutes ago...I threw up and then went back to bed, but I couldn’t fall back asleep-”

“Oh, god. Hold on a second, I’ll be right there,” you promptly ended the call and got out of your seat, pushing the chair in before rushing down the hall to his room. 

The super-soldier was sitting up in bed when you arrived, sweat streaming down his forehead as he leaned against the headboard, cheeks flushed a bright red. “Y/N-”

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay, I’m here, what do you need? Water? Ice?”

“I feel horrible.”

You brought your hand up to his forehead again, and immediately jerked it away. “You’re still running a really high f...dammit, have you taken any medicine?”

“No...”

“Stay right here, I’ll go get some-”

“Don’t leave me,” he begged hoarsely as he reached out to grab your wrist. You felt a twinge in your chest at that damn pleading look in his eyes. “Please don’t leave me.”

You let out a sigh of defeat. “...I’ll have Bucky bring the medicine then, okay?”

“Mhmmm.”

It turned out, taking care of a sick super-soldier was a lot more difficult than it seemed. You initially thought that with the serum in his veins, that Steve couldn’t get sick - but for some reason it only amplified his symptoms. Damn that shawarma.

After alerting FRIDAY, Bucky appeared holding a glass of ice water in his metal hand and a small bottle of some medication in the other. 

“How ya feelin’, punk?” 

“Hey, jerk...” Steve said weakly, “Why is there two of you standing in front of me?”

“He’s getting worse, Y/N...” he looked genuinely worried, his gaze flickering between you and Steve. “...I gotta go now so I won’t get sick...but Y/N will take care of you. Got it?”

“Mhmm.”

As soon as Bucky left you popped open the bottle. “Hey. Drink this.”

“It smells disgusting,” Steve scrunched his nose up in distaste. 

“You need to  or you’ll only get worse. Now come on,” you urged. He turned his head away to avoid drinking the strong-smelling liquid. “Stop acting like such a big baby. For Odin’s sake, just drink it.”

“No.”

“Do you want to keep feeling like this?”

“No.”

“Then drink the medicine! It’s not that hard.”

“No.”

“Steven Grant Rogers,” you said sternly. “Drink. It. I’m not going to repeat myself again.”

Your sudden firm tone of voice took him by surprise. “Fiiiine.”

He took the bottle from your hands and tilted his head back, gulping it down within seconds. As soon as he finished he made a face. 

“There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“It was.”

You pulled your chair closer to his bedside, propping your hand on your chin as you observed him. “Still feeling nauseous?”

“Mhmmm.”

“If you throw up, you’re gonna have to take this all over again. You don’t want that to happen, do you?”

“No..I don’t wike it.”

You chuckled lightly. “I know. It’s for your own good, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s wait for a bit, and if you’re feeling well enough, I can make some onion soup for you, okay? How does that sound?”

“Amazing. I love your soup. Why don’t you cook more often?”

“Just never really considered it,” you shrugged. 

Steve rubbed his eyes, subconsciously reaching over to grab your hand, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles. You felt your breath hitch in your throat. He then lifted your hand up to his face and pressed your palm to his flushed cheek, leaning into your touch. 

You swallowed hard as you allowed yourself to stare again at his messy-haired, exhausted figure. Your chest ached. The things you were willing to do for him... god, you loved him so much...

“...Why are you staring?” he mumbled, glancing over to meet your worried eyes. “What’s that look on your face? Y/N...are you okay?”

You inhaled sharply. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

His brows furrowed together and he gave you a look that told you he didn’t believe what you said at all. “Sure you are.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“You’re acting like these are my final moments and that I’m going to die soon. Stop worrying so much.”

“This is coming from the person who waited eight hours straight for me to undergo surgery after that Belarus case?”

“Uh huh.”

Several moments passed in silence before he spoke up again. “Thanks for taking care of me...I’m sorry for being a big baby. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“It’s alright,” you reassured him, “you’re not a burden at all.”

You ended up watching The Empire Strikes Back that afternoon, his head in your lap and you running your fingers through his soft hair. At one point in the movie he began to drift off, and you carefully slid yourself out of bed.

He stirred awake again, reaching for you. “Y/NNNN.”

“I’m gonna go make the soup for you. Rest up and if you’re feeling well enough, then shower and come out to the kitchen, okay?”

“Alright.”

“He doin’ better?” Rhodey raised an eyebrow at you. 

“Fever’s gone down a bit but the nausea’s still there,” you exhaled as you began grabbing the necessary ingredients, “hey, uh, Pietro, can you go down to the cellar and grab some white wine?”

The speedster nodded and in a flash, he had the bottle in his hands. “Here.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’s Cap right now?” Sam questioned.

You heard the water running and replied, “Taking a shower. He’s been sweating like the Amazon.”

With Pietro’s help and your additional powers, you finished up the soup that was supposed to take an hour in just twenty-five minutes. By the time you were setting the bowl along with some bread onto a plate, Steve was hobbling into the kitchen, hair wet and messy with a towel hung around his neck. The tight T-shirt he changed into showed off his toned figure, and you almost dropped your glass of water at the sight. 

His eyes immediately lit up upon seeing the food, and he leaned over to kiss your forehead. “I love you. You’re the best.”

“I know.” You winked and took a seat next to him. The team smirked at the flirty exchange.

Surprisingly enough, he had the entire thing finished under five minutes so that you had to give him a second serving, which he basically inhaled in two giant gulps. 

“You were hungry, huh.”

“After throwing up yesterday’s dinner, yeah.”

You shot Tony a pointed glare. “Thanks a lot, Stark.”

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, and held his phone up. “Look, I called them earlier while you were asleep and they gave us a full refund.”

“Fine. Apology accepted.”

Steve’s migraines started acting up again and you were forced to help him back into bed (with Bucky’s assistance, of course). After spending all day hovering over him, you fell asleep as well, a mere thirty seconds after he did.

...

When you came to the next morning, you felt an arm tighten around your waist and a sleepy groan coming from right next to you. You slowly opened your eyes and realized you were curled up against him with a hand resting against his chest, your legs intertwined together as he held you tightly to him. A breath of relief escaped your lips when his face no longer looked alarmingly pale and his cheeks weren’t bright red.

Steve woke up a few seconds later, giving you a sleepy smile as his grip around you tightened.

"Mornin', doll," he said in a husky voice that made you almost swoon. But then he too, realized what was going on and quickly snapped out of it. "What- oh my God, I’m sorry-”

“Are y’all fully dressed in there? Wanda made her famous French toast feast for breakfast so if you don’t get yo asses out here I’m eating your food!” Sam yelled as he pounded on the door. 

"Just a minute!” you shouted back in reply as you and Steve sprung apart, and swung your legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed a pair of clothes before heading to the bathroom to change. 

“What the hell, Y/N, you actually slept for sixteen consecutive hours? I’ve never seen you do that before?”

“Huh? What time is it?”

“8:07. And why are you wearing Steve’s shirt?”

“What do you mean? I’m not...” you trailed off on your sentence and looked down to see that you were in fact, wearing one of Steve’s shirts. “...Oh.”

“Did you two...”

“No!” 

“Cute,” you heard someone chuckle lowly from behind you and turned around to see a smirking Steve with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“So I see now that you’re okay, you’re acting all cocky again, hm?” you raised an eyebrow at the super-soldier. “Guess those meds finally wore off.”

He just chuckled in response and pulled him towards you, engulfing you in a tight, hug. 

“Let me go!” you squealed, squirming against his tight grip as the team watched in amusement. “I need to eat breakfast! Let me go!”

“Only if you say the words, sweetheart.”

“Let me go right this instant! I’m serious!” you began laughing uncontrollably. “Steve! Let me go!”

“Not until you say it.”

“Fine! I love you and you’re my favorite Avenger!” He released you from his arms and you brushed your shirt off. “There, happy?”

Steve laughed again, that same damn smirk on his face. “I didn’t know you could get flustered, Y/N.”

“I’m not flustered,” you muttered. 

“Your face is like a tomato!” Peter exclaimed. “You wouldn’t look like that if you weren’t. Mr. Stark, looks like I owe you twenty.”

“Peter, did you make a bet with Tony again?” You frowned. 

“Yep! We bet when we’d finally figure out you liked Cap and he bet within the next week, while I said three weeks.”

“Oh my god.”

#avengers imagines #steve x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #marvel #avengers x reader #avengers #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america x read #marvel fic #avengers fanfiction #captain america one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fic #captain america fic #mcu #chris evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans imagine

[draggingthedregs]

Writing prompt: please please write about Kaz and Jesper where Kaz is actually treating Jesper like a friend and not an inconvenience? Something post-series, I guess? Like they could be talking about wylan or inej or anything! Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

a/n: okay, okay, i was super duper excited about writing this. when i saw it in my asks i immediately got excited for all the possibilities. i love jesper and kaz’s friendship so damn much and i always love their little moments in both the books and any other fanfics i’ve read. more people need to give them the best friend content they deserve.

word count: 1577

~~~

Maybe it was the weather, but Kaz and Jesper found themselves alone together. 

Everyone in Ketterdam believed they would have a few more weeks before the harshest of winter set in, believed the ice from the north would refrain from reaching them quite yet, they had been wrong. Frigid wind whipped through the alleys and streets, the tops of the canals beginning to freeze over, trapping the stagnant boats against their mooring. 

Jesper stayed with Wylan most of the time, all-but moving in with him. However, his room at the Slat still remained, just in case he ever needed it in between jobs or after a long night at the Crow Club. Jesper had asked Kaz why he never gave it to someone else, tossed whatever was left  of his belongings into Fifth Harbor, and Kaz could never give him a straight answer. 

On this night, as the cold settled deep into the bones of anyone stupid enough to be out, Jesper found himself thankful that he didn’t need to walk all the way back to Wylan’s mansion. He bounded up the Slat’s rickety stairs, taking two at a time, to pay Kaz an unexpected visit, one of which he was sure to enjoy. 

Jesper rapped twice before announcing his presence through the wood. “Your favorite crow has returned to the nest.” 

He heard Kaz’s uneven gait through the door as he approached, opened the lock with a soft click, and swung the door wide for him to enter. “Favorite is a very strong assumption.” Kaz turned and started back to his desk, “Lock it behind you.”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to say it, I know it’s true. I can feel it in my heart.” 

Kaz let out a scoff, but the smile on his face was genuine. “I’m sure you can.”

Jesper pulled a chair from the corner of the room, setting it in front of his desk. “Well, actually, I think I might be tied with Inej nowadays.”

The smile on his lips faded, replaced with an ache that was so apparent, it was palpable. Inej had been gone for over eight months and, from what Jesper understood, mailing letters to and from a ship on the ocean was exceedingly difficult. Not to mention never knowing if the girl he sent letters to was even alive to receive them anymore. 

The joking edge left Jesper’s words, replaced with sincerity. “Have you heard from her?”

Kaz shook his head, staring at the paper on his desk. “Not since I responded to her last letter.” 

That had been over three weeks ago. 

Inej had written letting Kaz know that she would be home later then she originally thought, months later in fact. She explained that the slaver she had been following was part of a larger fleet, and the Wraith would be their undoing. 

Jesper looked again at the papers laying in front of him, now seeing what they were. Inej’s original letter was there, her delicate scrawl dancing across the page, the ink remaining untouched and unsmudged. Above it lay another piece of parchment, this one unfinished and in Kaz’s thick, scratchy handwriting. 

He had been writing her again, possibly for a second or third time for all that Jesper knew. There were ink stains along his hand and even on his temple, where he had clearly gotten lost in thought. 

“Kaz, I’m sure she’s alright. She’s the Wraith, no one can get a hold of her.”

Normally, and with anybody else, Kaz would’ve ignored them, would’ve waved them off and pushed his pain aside. “Things are different at sea… Even Inej could fall victim.”

“But she won’t. She’ll come home and crawl right back through your window and feed those stupid birds.” 

Kaz sighed, his thumb tracing across her words. The closer Jesper looked, the more pain and exhaustion he saw. Kaz didn’t sleep on a good day, let alone when he was focused on a job or a fat sum of kruge coming their way, but this was different. The entirety of his body seemed weighted now, his shoulders drooping, the circles under his eyes purple, instead of their usual grey. 

Jesper’s voice broke the silence. “I miss laughing with her. She always found my stupid jokes funny. Or at least she pretended to.” 

Kaz didn’t even look up from her letter as he answered. His voice so raw, it almost felt as though these words weren’t intended for Jesper at all. “I miss her voice. I keep hearing it in my head… I didn’t think I’d ever ask for another Suli proverb to tell me what an ass I was being but…” 

“She did have a lot of those, didn’t she?” Jes couldn’t help but smile, “And she’d pop out of the dark, waving her finger, telling us off like the ghost of an angry grandmother.” 

Jesper saw the beginnings of a smile pulling at Kaz’s lips and he continued, hoping that these stories of Inej might make her reappear in front of them, clucking her tongue at their memory of her. 

“She’d stand with her arms crossed, staring as you explained a plan, waiting to call you out on something. And she could always find something. Then she’d shake her head and disappear again.”

“My ever-opinionated shadow.” Kaz chuckled.

“That’s certainly one way to put it. She was never afraid to say what she thought or to be who she was. I guess it’s one of the things I’ve always admired about her.” Jesper took another moment, the joke faded from his voice but a fond smile remained. “She’s the best of us.”

Kaz glanced again at the letter and, to Jesper’s shock, laughed. “Inej would kill us if she heard us talking like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like she’s dead.”

Now it was Jesper’s turn to laugh. He hadn’t even thought of how remanicient their conversation was to a funeral and when he realized it, he couldn’t help but find it hilarious. The idea of Captain Inej Ghafa, the Wraith, dying was nearly unthinkable, though Jesper was unsettled by certain memories that didn’t render the thought impossible. 

Kaz tucked the letters into a neat stack, setting them to the side, then reached into his desk, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. Along with the bottle, he set two glasses in the table. He poured them both generously before sliding one over to Jesper’s side of the desk. 

“Are we getting drunk at our non-funeral now too?”

He took a sip, his lips curling as it burned along the back of his throat. “Let’s just see how this one drink goes.”

Jesper lifted the glass in a half-cheers, taking a drink himself. 

“So,” Kaz began, “Why are you here?” Though it may have come off as harsh, Jes knew what he meant. After so many years, it was easy to tell when Kaz really wanted you gone. 

“I was picking up something at the club and it was way too cold to walk all the way home.” 

“Then I take it all is well with our sunshiniest demolitions expert?”

A laugh escaped Jesper. “We’re fine. He hasn’t thrown me to the curb yet.”

“And he won’t.”

“I mean- I might throw me to the curb too. Or maybe into the harbor.” 

Kaz took a nonchalant sip. “I wouldn’t.”

The remark caught Jesper off guard. Sure, he knew that Kaz had taken a liking to him, perhaps even cared for him, but hearing it aloud seemed to strike harder than he’d expected. Instead of pushing the matter as he may have liked, he simply shrugged. “You’ve never had to share a bedroom with me.” 

Another smile creeped onto Kaz’s lips as he leaned back in his chair. “And perhaps that’s a good thing.”

Jesper finished his drink, setting the empty glass on the table. “I suppose I’ve annoyed you enough for one night, I should probably get to bed. I’ll need to be home early before Wylan starts to panic.”

“Of course not but we wouldn’t want that.” Kaz glanced to his letter, already longing for the near memorized words beneath his attempt. 

“You shouldn’t panic either, if you even can. Truth be told, I’m never sure what emotions you possess, though Helvar does have a few theories.”

A small grumble escaped Kaz’s throat as he rolled his eyes. “I’m sure he does.”

Jes laughed, “I just meant that she’ll write. Or she’ll pop back up in the middle of the night and scare you out of your gloves.” 

With a roll of his eyes, “A man can certainly dream.”

As he made his way to the door, Jesper found himself stopping short, a question rattling around in his brain that he couldn’t keep down any longer. “Why wouldn’t you? Why haven’t you?”

“What?”

“Thrown me out. Everything is still in my room and earlier you said you wouldn’t throw me out… Why?”

Kaz considered him for a moment. The silence hung between them like a thick blanket, needing to be wrung free of water, until he finally answered. “I suppose I like having you around, Jesper. I don’t think I’m really ready to see you go just yet.” A wide, genuine smile took over as he continued. “Even if you are a little too comfortable gambling away my money and shooting bullet holes in my walls.”

Jesper nodded, realizing he had a smile of his own to match. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

“Goodnight, Jes.”

fin.

#kaz brekker #jesper fahey #soc fanfic #soc headcanon #soc #six of crows fanfic #six of crows #jesper x wylan #wesper #kanej headcanon #kanej fanfic #kaz x inej #inej ghafa #crooked kingdom #ck #leigh bardugo #nina zenik #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #kanej

[steppedoffaflight]

Summer’s a Knife - Chapter 13

Catch up on Chapter 12 here

“Not true!” You scoff. “I missed you! And I didn’t get to see you on your birthday!” You return your voice to normal, taking your eyes off of the road to look at him real quick. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Oh, don’t remind me,” Van laughs. “Worst hangover I’ve had in years. Or maybe I’m just too old to handle ‘em now.”

“Could be,” You tease. “27, really getting up there now.”

or

You try to make Van’s (belated) birthday special for him.

Word count: ~11k

A/N: content warning for a little bit of under-negotiated edging and some negotiated bondage :)

Chapter Thirteen August 2019

Van sends you more snaps on his birthday than he probably has the entire time you two have had each other added on there.

“Ugh!” You sigh as you sit with Mary in your usual booth at the diner. You’ve got your phone held away from you, both of you leaned over the table as you open the third batch of snapchats from Van today. These ones include photos of the cake the boys had surprised him with, and a small stack of badly wrapped gifts they’ve presented him with. You pull the phone away from Mary when the interesting parts are over, when the snaps turn to clips of Van harassing the boys; Bondy laughing as he flips off the camera, Bob shying away as Van tries to shove the phone in his face. 

“I haven’t gotten him one single fucking gift,” You groan, lowering your head onto your folded arms.

“Sit up, Alexis is back,” Mary tells you, and you pull yourself into a sitting position with another sigh, as Alexis comes back to the booth with your food. You’re absolutely starving, but can’t find it in you to dig into your club sandwich in your sour mood.

“Oh, Jesus,” Mary sighs in exasperation, watching you pick at your french fries. “It can’t be that hard to think of something!”

While Mary speaks you finally take a bite of your sandwich. “It is!” You argue after you’ve swallowed it down. “He’s a millionaire! Anything he wants he just buys it for himself! What am I supposed to contribute?”

Mary narrows her eyes in thought as she chews on a bite of her veggie gyro. “Alright. What do you guys do when you’re together?”

“We fuck, we eat, smoke, watch Netflix, and sometimes hang out with his friends.” You tick each activity off one of your fingers.

“Okay. How about you just cook him something nice? You know, have a nice date but, like, at his house? I’m sure he’d like a home cooked meal after touring.”

It’s a good idea, but still you sigh. “I don’t know what he likes.” No matter what you cook, Van both eats and compliments it. You have a suspicion that everything you make actually sucks and he’s just too polite to say. “He literally eats everything. You should see those boys on tour. They’re maniacs over the catering.”

“Plus,” You continue, “There’s no way I could cook at Van’s house. It’s a fucking dump right now.”

Mary’s eyes widen as she sips her iced tea. “What about paying someone to come clean it? He’d probably love coming home to a clean house. Especially when he thinks he’s got to deal with it.”

That’s not a bad idea, actually. You don’t feel comfortable letting strangers into Van’s house without permission, but a new idea has bloomed in its place.

“I’ll clean it,” You tell Mary. “I don’t know how he’d feel about random people coming in when he’s not even in the country.”

“Okay, so that’s one gift.”

“I’ll clean the house and…” You gaze down at your food when the next idea works its way into your mind, “I’ll get him dinner from his favorite restaurant.”

“Yes!” Mary claps her hands together in excitement. “What are you gonna get him?”

You try to spit out the name of the French restaurant Van likes the lobster dinner from.

“No fucking way, you’ve been there?” Mary’s eyes widen. “I didn’t know that’s where he took you out!”

“I’ve been there twice, actually,” You admit sheepishly. “That’s where we went for Benji’s birthday.”

“You lucky bitch! Theo and I have tried so hard to get a table there for our anniversary and their waiting list for reservations is so long! I guess the rumors are true. They really do only give a fuck if you’re famous.”

“Weird, I’d never heard of them when Van took me there.”

Mary only shrugs, but you figure you already know why she’s heard of the place when you haven’t. It’s not obvious behind her down-to-earth personality and humor that made you adore her from your first meeting, but Mary comes from money. She’s even got a degree from Stanford to prove it. It’s in accounting (because those were the easiest classes for her), it’s never been used a day in her life, and was entirely paid for by her parents.

“When’s your anniversary?” You ask, ready to change the topic now that you’ve gotten two gifts under your belt. You’ve got a little under two weeks until Van will be back in town for a couple of days, and now you were feeling more confident that you could pull something together.

“The end of September, but they’re booked until next year,” Mary sighs.

\\

When you get out of the shower that night, there are three missed calls from Van. You don’t even bother to get dressed before calling him back, sitting on the edge of your bed wrapped in your towel, the ends of your hair dripping onto your comforter.

The phone rings until it’s almost gone to voicemail. At the last second Van accepts the call, and there’s some rustling before you decide to speak.

“Hi, birthday boy,” You giggle softly down the line. “How was your big day?”

“It’s been good, yeah. Good.” You’ve heard Van stumble over his words after drinks, but never slur like this.

“You sound like you’ve had a good day,” You laugh. 

“Had a class night,” Van agrees. “Fucking class.”

You’re still not used to communicating across a time difference. The mention of nighttime brings it back in your awareness. “Wait. What time is it for you?”

There’s some rustling noises while Van checks the screen, then the phone is pressed back to his ear. “Half four. Just got back to the hotel.”

“Jeez, Van! Why aren’t you sleeping already?”

“‘Cause I wanted to talk to you,” Van replies. “It’s not right.”

You’re beaming, charmed by this drunken Van. “What’s not right?”

Van scoffs. “That I don’t get to see my best mate on my birthday!”

“You spent the whole night with them, didn’t you?”

“The lads. Not you.”

The earnesty in his voice makes your heart squeeze. “That’s okay. I’m gonna see you soon, right?”

“Yeah. Really soon. Super soon.”

You smile to yourself. “Where are you?”

“In my room.”

You cackle out loud at that. “I know that. I meant the country!”

“Right. Um. Christ, I don’t fucking know. I forgot.”

“You’re so drunk,” You tut. You expect him to deny it, but listen to his distant laughter instead.

“I’m completely fucked,” He agrees. “Beyond pissed.”

“But you had fun? Was your cake good?”

“Loads of fun. Loads and loads of fun. I don’t remember how many pubs the lads dragged me to. As soon as one closed, bam, next one. It was great.” There’s some shuffling, then: “I forgot about the cake. Gonna have some right now, as a matter of fact.”

You hear the chaos of drunk Van serving himself a piece of cake.

“Wish you would’ve been here,” He says through a mouthful of dessert. “Woulda had so much fun.”

You don’t know which one of you he’s declaring would’ve had fun, but it seems he’s still not over the fact you two have spent the day apart. “I know,” You sigh, feeling a pang of disappointment for not the first time today. “I wish I would’ve been able to see you today, too.”

“Next year.” You hear the soft gulp of Van swallowing another bite down, and then his voice is much clearer. “Better request it off work now,” He teases. “You’ll never spend another first of August without me.”

“Okay,” You agree, only to mollify him. “You should probably get to bed. Text me tomorrow, okay?”

“If I’m alive,” Van chirps.

“You’ll be okay,” You assure him. “Drink lots of water.”

“Yeah.” Van’s voice is starting to grow quieter, rumbling like he’s close to falling asleep. “See you soon.”

“See you soon,” You promise. Your heart hurts at the fact you’re both sleeping alone, the distance between you two suddenly feeling overwhelming. “I miss you.”

Van yawns, and you have a feeling he didn’t catch your words. “Goodnight. I love you,” He slurs.

His words send a cold shot of adrenaline rushing through your veins, even if you know he doesn’t mean them. You almost end the call right there, but you don’t.

“I love you too,” You say instead. “Night.”

Even if Van’s declaration only comes from a place of drunken sleep-deprivation, it feels nice to have the opportunity to say it back. There’s something relieving about admitting it out loud, for the first time, even if this’ll be the only time. 

Van’s breathing is soft on the other end as you hang up.

\\

If giving Van’s neglected house some TLC was going to be the foundation of your gifts, you had no time to waste. His place was massive- not a job that could be tackled in one day- and during the week you had absolutely no desire to do anything after your workdays. You’d have to put some real work in on the weekends to make sure you pulled this off, which is why bright and early on Saturday morning you were pulled up to his gate, struggling with the 8 on the keypad.

You’d made a trip to the store last night to prepare your arsenal, and you struggled to lug it all inside. Unsure of what horrors you’d encounter, you’d bought different cleaning sprays for an assortment of surfaces, mildew, molds. You had boxes of trash bags, not sure whether Van was stocked with his own; and plenty of air freshener to try and chase away the stagnant smell that hit you as soon as you walked in. Then there were the tools; fancy antibacterial toilet brushes, fresh sponges and cleaning cloths. Lots and lots of paper towel. You even haul in a gallon of laundry detergent (and the accompanying softener, of course) and some detergent for the dishwasher. You knew that if you were going to be efficient, you’d need to eliminate time trying to understand where Van would store the things you might need. 

His living room is just as you two had left it the night he went to the hospital. There’s a lump of blankets overtaking half of the couch, and seven mugs of tea, three with leftover liquid that was now home to some fuzzy mold. The crewneck he had changed out of is rumpled on the floor, reeking of B.O. from his sweaty fever. The briefs nearby smell similar.

In the spot where there used to be a stunning monstera plant by the front door, there’s now a yellowed, withered corpse, surrounded by dead leaves that have fallen to the floor. You inspect its limp stem carefully before solemnly declaring it dead. You really had your work cut out for you. 

Your main thought as you turn your bluetooth speaker on and get your phone connected, prepared to blast the cleaning playlist you’ve carefully assembled, is that Van better fucking love this gift. 

\\

By the time you’re heading home, you feel satisfied with what you’ve gotten done. The kitchen is cleaned, the dishwasher rumbling as it sanitizes the mugs and dishes that had been left lying around. Your biggest obstacle had been locating the washer and dryer (which are nestled in a tiny room at the end of the living room hall), but now you could hear the sound of rushing water as the washer started on tonight’s load of laundry. You’d throw them in the dryer tomorrow morning, when you’d be back to tackle the half bathroom down the hall and start on the next level of the house. You carefully close all of the windows and lock the patio doors, which had helped air the place out today, before locking up the front door behind you.

There’s something domestic about cleaning Van’s house that keeps the project from being entirely unpleasant. You pick up little quirks of his in every room you explore: wrappers in the trashes reveal his favorite snack foods, the bathroom cupboards only store one chosen brand of toilet paper. His cereal cupboard is well-stocked but with only a small variety. His mailbox by the gate is overstuffed from his time away, and while you throw away any junk catalogues you note what companies he receives bills from. All of the important envelopes are addressed to his legal name, a small detail that amuses you endlessly. 

In the process, you also manage to get a few gifts out of it. You pick up a ficus during your weekly grocery shopping to replace the dead monstera plant by the door, and while passing the candle section you decide on impulse to buy him a candle for his bedroom. He had decided not to take one of his bags to Europe with him, and had instead left the suitcase of dirty laundry to stink up his entire room. You haven’t figured out his scent preferences, but you decide on something that smells like pine trees just because you keep picking it up to sniff it. It’s in these moments- casually grabbing some things at the store for him- where your mind wanders over the what-ifs. What if he was your boyfriend? What if you two lived together? What if he had someone around to make sure all the food in the fridge didn’t rot when he was away? What if you didn’t have to squeeze time with Van into your schedule, because your life would be entwined with his? You know most of the reason he doesn’t want a relationship is because he thinks it would make things complicated, but to you it feels like everything would be much simpler. 

You sigh sadly to yourself, place the three-wick candle carefully on the child seat so that the glass can’t be damaged in the cart with your other things, and continue shopping.

\\

When Tuesday finally comes, you’re bouncing with excitement as you leave the office early, preparing to pick up Van from the airport. He had tried his hardest to resist, dead set on letting you finish the workday while he grabs an Uber home, but there was no way you were gonna let that happen. You head home to change and pack your overnight bag to stay at his, grab the wrapped gifts you’d left on the kitchen table, and head over to Van’s, where you make sure everything is ready. 

You’d be stopping by the restaurant to pick up the carry out on the way back from the airport, so you carefully set the dining table in advance. You put out two plates, two wine glasses, and you’d even grabbed a package of tealights at the store. You set three of the little tins between your place settings, and stash the rest in his miscellaneous drawer. On the end of the dining table that wasn’t being used tonight, you display his wrapped gifts. The ficus has to rest on the floor, but you’d tied a nice silk bow around the plastic trunk. Was it all a bit cheesy and over the top? Probably. But with the way Van is quite the romantic, you think he’ll enjoy it. 

\\

You never get tired of the feeling that washes over you the first time you see Van. He looks dazed and exhausted fresh off of his flight, his backpack slung over one shoulder, his worn leather jacket slipping off of the other. As soon as he sees you he perks up, starting to walk at a faster pace as you approach him.

You reach out for a hug without a second thought, and Van smiles as you pull him in, happy to have him within reach. It doesn’t feel real the way his body is solid against yours. It feels like the dreams you’ve started to have on occasion, ones that leave a fog of disappointment lingering all day. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you,” You sigh when you pull away, because those words just aren’t enough anymore. 

Van smiles, but it’s a tired smile. Suddenly you worry he won’t have the energy for any festivities tonight. “Missed you,” He croaks.

He laces his fingers with yours, swinging your palms slightly as you two head to collect his baggage. You take one suitcase, he takes the other, and then you head out to the Range Rover.

“Are you hungry?” You ask nervously, once Van’s slumped into the front passenger seat. You’d been excited for tonight, but with the way Van’s energy is off your confidence that he’ll love what you have planned has instantly dissolved. 

“Fucking starving,” Van groans. “I’ve been living off of airplane peanuts all day.”

“You didn’t eat on the flight?”

“No,” Van adjusts his jacket on his shoulders. “Been sleeping. Wanted to make sure I wasn’t shit company tonight.”

You’re busy navigating the parking lot, but still reach one hand out blindly to nudge him playfully. “You’re never bad company!”

“Yeah, right,” Van rolls his eyes. You’re relieved to hear him start to shake off the sleep, sounding more like himself. “Bet you’re just glad you didn’t have to deal with me the last couple’a weeks.”

“Not true!” You scoff. “I missed you! And I didn’t get to see you on your birthday!” You return your voice to normal, taking your eyes off of the road to look at him real quick. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Oh, don’t remind me,” Van laughs. “Worst hangover I’ve had in years. Or maybe I’m just too old to handle ‘em now.”

“Could be,” You tease. “27, really getting up there now.”

“Oi. Shut up.” Van grumbles, but he’s not able to keep a straight face. He gazes out the window for a moment. “Why’re we taking this way home?”

“There’s an accident,” You lie. “Got caught in stop-and-go on my way here.”

Van accepts your reasoning, lifting his hips so he can pull his phone from his back pocket. You watch him flick through different notifications, staying blissfully unaware of your route until fifteen minutes later when you’re pulling up to the restaurant. 

As your car slows, Van comes back to reality. “What’s up?” He asks, looking around. 

You avoid an actual explanation as you put the car in park and start to unbuckle. “Stay here, I have to run in real quick.”

The carryout is already prepared, a large bag with ‘McCann’ written on it sitting on a surface behind the hostess booth. You pass over your card, trying not to cringe at the price, and in return you’re passed the bag of food and a cardboard carrier with two bottles of Van’s favorite wine. It was all a bit pricey, sure, but worth it when you see Van’s eyes widen through the tinted windows of the Rover when he sees what you’re up to. 

“Are you fucking kidding?” His voice has risen a few octaves in his typical amused/disbelieving tone. “What have you done this for?”

You set the food on the back bench before climbing into the driver’s seat. “You said you were hungry!” You laugh. “I hope you’re in the mood for lobster.”

Van is grinning so wide that his dimple is making an appearance. “Why the fuck did you do this?”

“For your birthday!” You exclaim, starting the final stretch of the drive to Van’s place.

“My birthday was two weeks ago!”

“A week and a half,” You correct him. “And I didn’t get to see you, so it doesn’t count. So today is technically your birthday all over again.”

“Ridiculous,” Van shakes his head. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“Oh, don’t pretend like you don’t wanna celebrate with me,” You shoot him a glare. “Mr. ‘you’ll never spend a first of August without me again’.”

A surprised laugh bubbles out of Van. “Did I say that?”

You nod. “You did.”

“I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a word of that phone call.”

“Well, you were very drunk,” You shrug. “Drunker than I’ve ever heard you.”

“Why don’t we ever go out to pubs? Do you get pissed with Mary?”

“I used to go clubbing with Mary a lot,” You tell him as you turn off of the main road, the hill of his neighborhood visible in the distance. “Never really been a bar person, but we could go out one weekend.”

Van makes a displeased noise in the back of this throat. “Not here, in all these hipster cafes. You gotta come to London, we can do a proper pub crawl.”

“I don’t have a passport,” You admit sheepishly, as if that’s the only reason you can’t leave the country on Van’s whim.

“Christ. Americans never do! Mental.”

“Yet again,” You start, leaning out of the window slightly to punch the gate code in, “You hate America so much but you keep coming back!” 

“The lobster is good here,” Van deadpans as you pull into the driveway.

Van grapples with both of his suitcases while you’re busy trying to unlock the front door with the food in your hands. You hold the door to let him in first, watching him carefully. He barges his way to the middle of the room before he pauses, realizing what he’s walked into. 

“What is this?” He’s got a confused smile, looking over at you by the door. He’s gaping at the clean living room, and the surprise on the dining table.

“Surprise,” You giggle nervously, letting him take it all in.

“You tidied up the living room?” Van asks, carefully looking around. The mantle is dusted, the rug is vacuumed, and the place finally smells like someone actually lives here. 

“I tidied up everywhere, actually,” You admit. “The bathrooms, the bedrooms, the kitchen. All clean.”

“Holy shit. You shouldn’t have. Really.” He’s clearly stunned by the gesture, carefully removing his shoes and even going so far as to set them on the mat by the door. “You really did not have to do this, love.”

At the nickname, you know you’ve impressed him. You glow with pride as you bring the bag of food to the table, making a quick detour to the kitchen to grab some utensils to transfer the food out of the containers and onto the plates.

“Do you wanna open your presents before or after we eat?” You ask, carefully spooning the seasoned butter that was melted at the bottom of Van’s container onto his food. 

“After,” Van says, rubbing his hands together in anticipation as he starts to seat himself. You grab one of the bottles of wine, heading into the kitchen to find the corkscrew.

“I love the tree,” Van says when you return, nodding to the ficus standing proudly with his bow at the head of the table. “Thank you.”

“Your plant died,” You inform him, pointing to the empty space by the front door where the monstera used to sit. “It feels empty without it.”

Van frowns. “I told Bob not to give me anything that needed watering. I’m shit at remembering.” He shrugs. “He had a good half a year.”

“Bob got you it?”

Van nods. “For Christmas. It was one of his, to be fair. Got a green thumb. Great at pawning off his plant spawns to us lads.” He smiles affectionately, and you can’t help but smile as well. They were such a strange group of friends. 

You don’t sit down after you’ve poured wine for you two. “Do you have a lighter?” You’d forgotten to grab one in the kitchen for a tealights. 

Van procures one from the front pocket of his button up without question, and you light the candles before you sit down. You notice that Van hasn’t started eating without you. 

“Very posh,” He smiles at your setup, raising his glass of wine. “Cheers.”

“Cheers to 27,” You add, clinking your glass with his. 

There’s not much conversation as you two eat. Van is ravenous, and is done with his meal before you. You’re only halfway through your chicken parmesan, but you decide to save the other half for later. It wouldn’t do you any good to get all sluggish and bloated before the night’s even begun. 

You start to clear the table, Van standing to help automatically.

“Don’t help!” You scold him. “This is a gift!”

“You’ve already cleaned the place once!” Van insists, holding his dirty plate out of your reach when you attempt to take it from him. “That’s more than enough!”

He helps you rinse the dishes, marveling at how you put them directly in the dishwasher. It’s clearly not a habit he’s developed. 

You two keep the wine glasses out, not finished drinking for the night. Then Van opens his gifts while you radiate nervous energy the entire time.

He’s not someone who gets worked up over gifts, but his quiet gratitude is special in it’s own way. He loves the wooden rolling tray you’ve gotten him to replace the dented up tin one he carries around, and he laughs at the pack of THC water you’d gotten from your clients. He places the ficus by the front door, refusing to untie the bow around its trunk. When he’s done he pulls you in for a big hug.

“I know it’s not much…” You start nervously, but Van shakes his head.

“Thank you,” He cuts you off, rocking your bodies side to side. When his arms finally loosen you tilt your chin up to look at him and he leans down to give you a kiss.

“Thank you.” He repeats, giving your arms a small squeeze before releasing you.

“What do you wanna do?” You ask, now that dinner and gifts are over.

Van shrugs. He’s gazing out of the patio doors at the Hollywood cityscape. “Do you wanna go for a dip in the hot tub?”

That’s about the last thing you expected him to say. In all the times you’ve been over you have never seen Van use his pool. But you wouldn’t be the one to say no to the birthday boy himself. “Yeah, that sounds fun.”

“I’m all cramped up from sleeping on an airplane seat,” He explains. “Nothing sounds as good as those jets.”

He heads upstairs to get changed, but you’ve got nothing to change into. You’ve got your matching set of lace bra and underwear on, the same set you’d worn on your first date with Van. In any regular case you’d be strictly opposed to swimming in them, but you did have a change of clothes in your overnight bag, and you’re curious about how Van will react.

When Van comes down in his swim trunks, he realizes you’re still in your clothes. “Oh, fuck. Do you have something to wear?”

You can see he’s ready to retract his request, so you offer him a reassuring smile. “Yeah, let’s go!”

He clearly doesn’t understand what you’re up to, but leads you into the kitchen and out into the backyard. It’s the one area of the house that stays perfectly maintained no matter how long he’s gone; he’s got a landscaping company that comes over regularly to trim the grass and clean the pool. 

At the bottom of the cement steps that descend from the kitchen, Van makes a right around some lounge chairs. You don’t understand what he’s doing until he tugs back a heavy set of curtains, revealing a small cabana built right into the house.

“Are you joking?” You gape in disbelief as you check it out. There’s a seating area, a television mounted on the wall, and a door to a small bathroom in the corner. “What the fuck is this, oh my God?”

Van shakes his head, popping into the bathroom before coming back with two swim towels in hand. He passes one to you. “It’s my patio!”

“A patio is outside,” You correct him, “This is a cabana with a fucking television that’s attached to your house.”

Van gestures to the pool past the open curtains. “It’s got curtains. It’s outside.” The way he’s smiling reveals he knows exactly how luxurious it is. 

The pool thermostat is installed in one of the walls, and Van pokes at it before you hear the rumble of the hot tub coming to life, the jets starting to bubble. 

Van heads straight for the hot tub, but you start to get undressed while he’s not paying attention. You kick off the sandals you’d worn over here, peel off your shirt and shorts, and dig around in your shorts pockets for a hair tie. 

A bra and underwear set has the same coverage as a bikini, but there’s something about openly walking across the backyard in your underwear that feels forbidden. Of course, nobody’s able to see you considering Van’s privacy bamboo that surrounds the house, but the sun is still out and you still feel exposed as you approach Van.

He does a double take when he finally settles onto the stone seat that encircles the small spa. You use the metal railings to start stepping in, pretending you don’t notice him staring.

“I knew you didn’t have anything to wear!”

You smile, giving a small shrug like this is nothing out of the ordinary. “I’m wearing something, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but now your knickers are soaked.”

You frown as you sit next to him, the hot water saturating the padded cups of your bra. “Ew. Don’t say knickers.”

He snorts, sinking deeper into the water until the ends of his hair are wet, the jet foaming directly on the back of his neck. “Fuck. This feels so good.”

The legs of his trunks have floated up around his thighs, and in the clean water your eyes can linger over him while he’s got his eyes closed, enjoying his makeshift massage. 

“So how was tour?” You ask after there’s been some silence. 

“Incredible,” Van tells you, sitting back up. His back is in front of the jet now, and he arches into it. “Europe fucking loves us. The crowds go wild every night. We only play Glasgow in Scotland, everyone loves that. It’s such a good time.”

He tells you some stories about the festivals they’ve done, some ridiculous questions interviewers have asked. You relax into the warm water as you listen to his voice, falling into a content daze. You suddenly feel like nothing in the world could feel as good as relaxing in a hot tub with Van after a couple of glasses of wine. 

“How’s work been?” Van asks when he’s finished filling you in. You can feel your muscles start to tense, your mind start to remember the numerous frustrations that have been chipping away at your sanity lately.

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” You sigh, shaking your head as if that’ll clear your thoughts. “I just wanna forget about it and have a nice night with you.”

“Fair enough.” Van shrugs. “Are you?”

You’re resting your neck against the cement edge of the tub, your body floating weightlessly in the water as you gaze up at the light-polluted sky that is rapidly becoming darker as the day comes to a close. “Am I what?”

“Having a nice night?”

“Um, yeah,” You answer like it’s a stupid question. “We should use your hot tub more often. This thing is magic.” You imagine this is what babies in the womb must feel like, completely doused in warmth and without a care in the world.

“We should. You can keep a suit over here.”

You laugh at that, sitting up and looking over at him. You shiver as the tops of your shoulders are exposed to the air. “Why do you keep mentioning my suit? Do you not like what I’m wearing?”

“That’s the opposite of how I feel, actually. Just figured an actual suit would be more comfortable.”

You smile at his admission. “Oh, so you don’t actually hate this set?”

The water has carried one of the straps of your bra off of your shoulder, and you watch Van’s eyes dart to your bare skin. 

“Course I don’t. Christ.”

Now it feels like you’ve got him where you want him. You ease up onto your knees, Van’s eyes dragging over the sopping lace as gravity pulls the cups lower, revealing more skin. You fight the urge to tug your strap up as you move closer to Van, who licks his lips.

“Okay.” Your voice is quiet, your body dangerously close to Van’s. You can feel the steam radiating off of his flushed body. “I was worried for a second.”

Van can tell you’re teasing, and he breaks out in a grin. “Shut the fuck up,” He laughs right in your face before his hands are on your hips, yanking you off balance and onto his lap. There’s the rush of water splashing around your bodies and a sickening twist in your stomach as you lose your balance. 

The first thing you comprehend is Van’s lips against your neck, hungrily mouthing at your damp skin. Your knees have found their way to either side of his thighs, your hands gripping the edge of the tub for dear life. As soon as you feel steady again you stop clutching at the cement, gripping Van’s dripping shoulders. You let your hips sink down, your thigh muscles loose and relaxed enough to open wider without any discomfort. 

You can’t feel if he’s hard through the water, but the way he groans is enough of a hint. Every noise you two make bounces off of the water, magnifying the sound.

You wrap your legs around his waist, his hands leaving your sides in order to cup your ass through the lace. You feel his fingers pinch at the fabric, rubbing it between his fingertips before he nestles his head into the crook of your neck, biting down where your neck meets your shoulder. 

“Van!” You gasp in shock. His body is rocking so you grab the ledge to steady yourself. There’d always been an unspoken rule not to leave marks. At his name Van pulls away with a guilty grin.

“Too much?” He asks, carefully watching your reaction. 

“No,” You assure him breathlessly. Your hand comes up to stroke his hair, wetting his roots in the process. You were aching for him to do it again. “But warn a girl, alright?” You breathe.

Van’s grin widens. “Yeah, alright,” He promises before his arms tighten around you, his mouth latching onto the same spot. This time the sting of his teeth makes you moan, your legs tightening around his waist, trying to press him as tight against you as humanly possible. 

You close your eyes, your nose buried in his hair. You breathe in the scent of chlorine as you let him take the lead for this brief moment. It’s something you want to savor before you go upstairs, where the dynamics will be different.

When he pulls away he presses his lips to the top of your shoulder before you start to untangle yourself from him. You watch his expression cloud in confusion.

“You haven’t even seen the bedroom yet,” You tell him, starting for the steps. Out of the water, gravity feels too strong, the air icy cold compared to the water. You regret leaving, but there’s more in store. 

The spot on your neck that Van had focused on throbs in residual pain as you grab your towel off of one of the lounge chairs, trying to dry off as best as you can. Van turns the jets in the tub off, closing the curtains to shut down the cabana.

“Want your clothes?” He asks, and you realize your shoes and outfit are slung over the couch.

“I’ll grab ‘em tomorrow,” You decide. You wouldn’t need them anymore tonight, so there was no need to waste precious time on a distraction.

The two of you struggle up the stairs to Van’s room, your muscles feeling like jelly. 

You proudly open the door to present the room for him. Fresh sheets, washed comforter, fluffed pillows, and an empty hamper. Van laughs in disbelief.

“I got you this, too,” You tell him, holding your damp towel around your body with your elbows as you pick the pine candle off of his dresser. You hadn’t wrapped this gift, instead wanting to make it a nice touch for tonight. “I dunno if you like pine-scented things, but I thought it smelled good.”

“Love pine,” Van nods, coming up behind you. He opens his hands for you to pass the candle over, and you do. He sniffs at the wax before nodding his approval, passing it back to you. 

“Hand me a lighter,” You request, and Van tosses you one before he starts to strip down, keeping the room neat by placing his wet towel and trunks in the hamper.

You struggle to get all three of the wicks lit, but you’re pleased at the warm glow the candle emits. 

Van is already tugging the blankets down, ruining your hard work in the name of climbing into bed naked. You peel away your soaked bra and underwear, dropping them in the hamper with Van’s things.

“So,” Your heart starts racing now, but you try to remain nonchalant as you stride over to Van’s closet, sliding the door aside. “Do you have a robe anywhere?”

“Yeah, you need one? I have one hanging in the bathroom.”

You didn’t actually need one, but you nod, grabbing your overnight bag from the floor. “I’ll be right back.”

You feel like you’re about to start hyperventilating as you lock the door behind you. Van’s plush robe is dangling from the hook on the back of the door. Duh. You were the one who had washed it and hung it there, after all. The nerves were clearly getting to your head. 

Your hair looks like a frizzy birds nest, every section a varying degree of damp. You extract your hair tie from the mess, and borrow Van’s brush to do some damage control. Once you’ve parted your hair correctly and smoothed it down, you look a million times better. 

The only thing left to do was get dressed. You grope around in your bag until you feel the silky cloth of the lingerie. You’d purchased it just for this occasion, a sheer scrap of black fabric that Mary had helped you choose. The website called it a ‘babydoll set’, a lace bra with a silky transparent fabric draping off of the band. The airy cloth fell just below your ass, but it didn’t really matter how low it covered because you could blatantly see through it. There was a slit directly down the front, giving Van the ability to easily push the extra clothing aside in case he needed to access your skin. It had come with a matching thong but you don’t bother to put that on. You figure the bra is enough. 

You unravel the tie of Van’s robe, your fingers shaking. You take a steadying breath before finally twisting the doorknob, turning the bathroom lights off as you step back into the bedroom. 

“Oh, Christ.” Van groans, scrubbing his hands over his face. “You want me dead.”

You head to the bedroom door first, sliding the dimmer all the way down. The room is still lit from the flickering candle and the lights of the city shining through the open window, but without the overhead lighting everything feels much more relaxed.

You approach Van then, sitting down on the edge of the mattress next to his body. While you’d been adjusting the lights he’d propped himself up into a sitting position, and as soon as you sit down his hand comes to rest against the back of your neck.

You don’t speak. You want to poke around for some reassurance that he likes what he sees, some validation that Mary had been right when she’d pressured you into adding this finishing touch. But instead you let him cradle the back of your neck while he takes you in, his neck craning so he can give you a full onceover before meeting your eyes again. 

“I’m convinced you’re trying to give me a heart attack,” He jokes, before hauling you in by the back of your neck for a kiss. “What is it with you and lace?”

“This is, like, all of the lace I own.” Per usual, you’ve got to brush off the compliment even if it’s the confidence boost you needed.

“And I got to see it all tonight? I’m one lucky lad.”

He looks annoyingly smug, the face of a boy who knows he’s about to get laid tonight. You kiss him again (and again) just so that you don’t have to look at him anymore.

You climb onto the bed completely, crawling into Van’s lap. Van startles when the robe tie crinkled in your hand brushes his ribs. 

“What’s that?” He asks, peering down at your hand for a better look. You extend your fingers, the length of cloth unfurling, tumbling onto Van’s lap. “Is that the string on my robe?”

“Yeah,” You confirm. You want to explain, but your mouth suddenly goes dry, waiting for his reaction.

“What’ve you got that for?” He cocks his head in confusion, looking between the rope and your wide eyes.

You gulp. “I was thinking, y’know- if you were into it- we could try something kind of like the last time?”

Van’s expression is blank for a few moments, no doubt trying to recall your last time having sex. You watch his expression change as soon as he’s remembered. 

“Are you gonna tie me up? Is that what this is?”

His voice has gone up in pitch, like he doesn’t really believe this is actually happening. You nod slowly.

“I mean, if you want. Just your wrists. Unless you have cuffs?” You ask the last part hesitantly, predicting Van’s answer. He confirms your suspicions when he shakes his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“You know how to tie me up with that?” Van asks, nodding at your palm. 

“Yeah. Hold on.” You shuffle off of his body, laying the tie out flat on the mattress next to Van. It’s a trick you’d learned from Mary years ago, and was easy enough to Google and relearn. With minimal fuss you’ve tied a handcuff knot, holding it up for Van. 

“No shit. You’re full of surprises tonight,” Van marvels. 

“So… do you wanna try it?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Van grins. “I’ve already told you, you can do whatever you want to me. Consider me at your mercy, always. How do ya want me?”

You giggle, rolling your eyes at his dramatics. “Off of the bed,” You instruct him. 

“How kinky are we goin’ tonight?” Van asks as he clamors off of the mattress. “Am I supposed to get down on my knees?”

He’s teasing, beaming down at you from where he’s standing. You get off of the mattress as well, trying to nudge it downwards.

“I need some space between the headboard and the mattress,” You explain, out of breath with the effort of trying to move it on your own. Van’s headboard was solid wood, not wrought iron like yours. You’d need to secure his wrists to one of the support beams holding the mattress up. 

“You really thought this out, huh?” Van gets on the other side of the bed, helps you nudge the mattress a few inches down.

You don’t answer him, distracted with rearranging his pillows nicely before patting them. “Come lay down.”

Van obliges. As he’s holding his wrists out so that you can loop your handcuff knot around them, he nods to his bedside table.

“Don’t forget to grab a condom,” He reminds you.

You pause where you’re tightening the cloth against his skin. “About that.”

“We could skip it,” You suggest, trying to keep your voice light. “I mean, I know you’re clean. I’m on the pill. And I’m clean, but I don’t have, like, the records on hand, so, if-”

“Skip it.” Van cuts you off. “Deffo.”

The robe fabric is nice and snug against his skin, and you’re pleased when Van tests the restraint and it holds perfectly. Suddenly, everything is feeling very official. 

You need your phone flash light in order to loop the extra length around the support slat you’d moved the mattress to reveal. When you’re done tying that knot you’re out of breath.

“Good?” You ask Van when you stand up. He’s got his elbows bent, his wrists comfortably resting right above his head, and when he strains to move them there’s not anywhere for them to go.

You get back on his lap, but the air in the room has changed. The anticipation is stifling. You’ve never felt so unsure and so certain at the same time. You desperately hoped everything went off without a hitch.

You could do anything to Van with the way he’s restrained, but for some reason it feels right to get a hand around him, starting to jerk him off slowly. It’s weird to think you’ve never given him a hand job before, as simple the act is. You only really get your hands on him for foreplay purposes, but thankfully Van doesn’t seem to mind, arching his back into the sensation. Then you remember his balls, and your other hand slides between his thighs, brushing against the soft skin of them. You feel them tighten reflexively away from your fingertips, Van whining when you cup them. 

You could be minimal with Van’s foreplay, let your eagerness get the best of you, but you don’t. You keep your hand slow and steady, your rhythm perfectly even, and feel him swell in the palm of your hand, his hips wiggling to chase more friction. 

You snap out of your trance when you suddenly feel Van’s thighs tremble underneath you, a small dash of precome blurting from the head of his dick when your hand brings his foreskin down. You hadn’t realized how close he was getting, too engrossed in touching him. You bring your hands away from his dick but let his balls still rest in your palm, giving them some gentle attention while you let Van back away from the edge.

Once Van has cooled down, that’s usually your cue to get started. His breathing has relaxed slightly, not so harsh and loud, and he’s not shaking anymore. But without really thinking about it you wrap your palm around him for a second time. His stomach tightens in surprise, but he doesn’t protest, so you decide to experiment with starting your slow, even tugs again. 

This time you push your luck, still jerking him off even as you feel the warm drops of precome drip onto your fingers. You wait until he’s progressed past the trembling, until you feel his thighs tighten in anticipation of his orgasm before you release him, his dick coming to rest against his belly. While he’s trying to catch his breath you release his balls, letting them hang heavy between his legs in favor of having another hand free. He groans at the loss of contact, but you’re surprised at how quiet he’s been. You rub your hands up and down his thighs, accidentally rubbing his own precome over his skin. You wait until you feel his muscles unclench, until he relaxes into the mattress again with a sigh before you start up yet again.

There’s a strange thrill at what you’re doing, a dopamine rush like you’re playing the lottery. Van is clearly coming undone, hissing through his teeth at every slight touch, twitching and tensing helplessly beneath you. This time when you withdraw your hand you’re afraid you’ve misjudged him, because he tries to buck his hips up against your weight, his dick throbbing, and you’re positive he’s about to come all over his stomach even without your touch. When he doesn’t there’s a strange rush of pride that consumes you, only adding to the adrenaline rush.

Van’s been a good sport, but when you trace the vein on the underside of his dick with the tip of your finger, giddy with the way he startles, he stops staying quiet.

“Holy shit,” He gasps, and you can see his biceps flexing against his handcuffs. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” He chants, his eyes squeezing shut so tight you’re sure he sees stars when he blinks them open again.

“Too much?” You’d assumed Van was having a good time, but your heart sinks when you realize that he had no sort of safeword, that maybe you were getting a little too power hungry. 

“You’re driving me fucking mad,” Van groans, slamming the back of his head against his pillow. 

“Do you want me to stop?” You’ve stopped messing with him in case that’s what he’s getting at, absentmindedly tucking your fingertips under one of his knees, petting the thin skin back there. 

“I would like to fuck you some time this year,” Van snorts, his voice laden with frustration.

You keep caressing the back of his knee. “So… stop?”

Van lifts his head enough to shoot you a weak glare. “You can do whatever you want. Just wondering how long a lad’s supposed to fucking hold off.”

It takes one more go to rid Van of his pesky stubbornness. He’s reduced to a flushed, sweating heap on top of the sheets, and although he doesn’t tap out you wouldn’t feel comfortable edging him any longer. 

His body jerks as you rub up and down his sides, trying to ease him into the next thing. He clearly thinks you’re getting ready to play games again, unable to settle down. 

“I’m done, I’m done,” You find yourself whispering, his body instantly starting to relax in relief. “Are you good? Still want me to fuck you?”

Van cracks a smile at that, although he doesn’t look like he’s entirely with you. “You better,” He croaks. “Don’t let that be for nothing.”

“Still want to skip the condom?” You decide to double check for good measure. It had all been fun and games until now, when you feel an increasing sense of duty to make sure Van’s taken care of. “Do you want your hands free?”

“You’re acting like you broke me,” Van chuckles. “Yes to skipping. Leave me be and get on with it.”

You offer his cheek a reassuring pat before brushing the sweaty hair away from his eyes, tucking it behind his ear as you’ve so often seen him do. You lean down for a kiss before sitting back up, positioning yourself over him. 

The absence of the condom is strange when you hold the base of his dick, and you jump when you start to position his head between your legs. He’s warm and throbbing with anticipation, and you can feel every pulse of his heart beat against your opening, your stomach fluttering as your body prepares to make room for him. 

“Oh my God,” You gasp as you start to lower down. Condoms had a tendency to make things a bit dry, to make the first few thrusts a bit tricky, but you’d forgotten how much simpler sex was without one. Van slides in without the slightest hold up, easily working his way deep even as you feel yourself tighten, your body instinctively trying to draw him in deeper. Once seated you force yourself to draw in a few shaky breaths, mentally willing yourself to relax around him.

As you’re lifting yourself back up Van moans, a vulnerable noise that has you clutching at his ribs.

“Oh, Van,” You whimper, aware that you’re losing control of the situation. But it’s been years since you’ve had unprotected sex, and that was when neither of you had any idea what you were doing, and this is a million times better, and Van is watching you with wide, blue eyes as you struggle to fuck him. “This is so good. Fuck, Van, it’s so good.”

He’s watching you in awe. “I know,” He nods, too consumed in you to fight his restraints, his wrists resting limply. 

It’s evident that neither of you are going to be able to hold on; your time apart, the hot tub makeout, fantasy turned reality and the lack of any barrier between your bodies has made tonight come to a rapid boiling point. Your hands scramble against his skin as you try to keep your balance against the shocks of pleasure that twist through your stomach, each one feeling like an orgasm that doesn’t quite make it to climax. With each exhale you’re making what you’d consider the most unattractive noises possible, crying out in desperation when each shock doesn’t make it all the way, your own body keeping you on edge the same way you’d done to Van. 

“I’m gonna fucking blow,” Van breathes after you have to pause to catch your breath against the feeling in your belly. “If you don’t want me inside get me the fuck out.”

“You’re fine,” You assure him, steadying yourself for another thrust. This time you support all of your weight on the palm pressed into Van’s chest, your other hand slipping between your legs so your fingers have access to your clit. When you meet Van’s gaze he’s gaping at you, mouth ajar.

“What?” You ask as you start quick, tight circles that combine perfectly with the fullness of Van. 

Van shakes his head. “You’re incredible,” He sighs, melting back against his pillows.

Your orgasm blooms hot and heavy between your legs, the pressure of your fingertips becoming unbearable, your legs collapsing under the weight of anticipation. You scream Van’s name embarrassingly loud, desperately wishing you had a pillow to muffle yourself. 

His own orgasm is unmistakable when it arrives only moments after yours. You have a flash of panic when you feel the warm gush of Van coming directly inside of you before you relax, remembering that it was intentional. This orgasm lasts noticeably longer than his usual ones, and with each pulse of his dick inside of you you feel impossibly fuller. When he’s done, his face smoothing out as he finally blinks up at you, you’re distracted by the syrupy heat between your legs, terrified for him to pull out.

“Don’t pull out yet,” You plead, your arms shaking as they continue to support you. 

Van gives you a lopsided grin. “Couldn’t if I wanted to.” He tugs at his tied wrists for emphasis. 

At this you can’t help but laugh. “Right.” It takes a strenuous amount of core strength to lift both of your hands, picking away at the handcuff knot until Van could slide his wrists out. His palms immediately come down to hold your hips in place, his skin warm against the wispy fabric of your lingerie. 

“I’ve got to take a shower,” You explain, your body shivering against his. You can feel Van shivering, too, the intensity of everything putting your bodies into overdrive. 

“I’ll take one with you.”

You cringe as you finally lift yourself off of him. Although things feel normal for a moment, by the time you’re standing next to the bed on shaky legs you can feel the trickle of Van’s come sliding down one of your thighs. There’s nothing to do but helplessly allow gravity to do it’s thing while Van leads you into the en suite, getting the hot water running in the shower.

As soon as your bra is a silk puddle on the floor and you’ve both stepped in, Van closes the glass door behind you before standing directly above the drain, pissing right into it.

“Are you peeing?” You ask incredulously.

Van twists his neck, grinning over his shoulder as he finishes. He gives himself two firm shakes, the shower water cascading down his shoulders and rinsing him off. “Yeah. You don’t piss in the shower?”

“I mean, yeah,” You admit, shifting your weight uncomfortably. You actually needed to pee right now, but there’s absolutely no way you’ll do it in front of Van. “When there’s not an audience.”

Van just shrugs, using his fingers to work the warm water through his hair. He reaches out for the bottle of shampoo he keeps on the small shower ledge, but before he can pop the lid up you wrap your own hand around it.

“Lemme do it,” You say quietly, not meeting his eyes as you take the bottle into your own hands, pouring an ice-blue dollop into the palm of your hand. 

Van doesn’t protest, instead stepping out of the stream of water so that you can warm yourself underneath it instead. He turns so that his back is facing you and you reach up, starting to work the shampoo into a foam over his scalp. He’s always felt so much taller than you, but his head isn’t too far out of reach, and you realize you two are closer in height than you’d thought. 

Standing in the small glass square space of Van’s shower, the events that just happened in the bedroom feel surreal. Usually, you two snap right out of your bedroom mentality, moving on to the next part of your day easily. But something about tonight lingers over you, and as you wash Van’s hair you get the feeling he’s on the same page. Everything still feels tender and vulnerable, your bodies still shivering even in the steam, and the protective urge to make sure Van’s comfortable and safe still hasn’t faded. You’re careful to use the side of your hand to smooth any suds away from his forehead, keeping his eyes shampoo free, and when you’re satisfied that his hair is clean you lean forward, planting a kiss on his shoulderblade. He switches places with you silently, rinsing himself off as you gather some stray streams of water into the palm of your hand, flushing between your thighs out as best as you can. 

“Want me to suds you up?”

You hadn’t planned on washing your hair, but considering you’d gotten it damp with chlorine in the hot tub you might as well. “Yeah.”

You shift so that you’re in front of him, your back to him. Van squeezes some shampoo into his hands, and suddenly his palms are smoothing over your head. His hands trail down the back of your neck in long, even strokes as he makes sure he distributes the shampoo all the way from your roots to the very end of each strand.

At first you’re gazing out of the shower walls at the enormous marble countertops housing the his-and-hers sinks, but once Van’s done smoothing his hands over you and starts to dig his fingertips in, really scrubbing at your scalp, your eyes lull closed. You hadn’t expected him to be so thorough, rolling your head back to lean into his fingers as he massaged every inch of your head, the foam of the shampoo running down your back. 

“Lean forward,” Van grumbles, gently tipping your head forward again. “You’re messing me up.”

You do as you’re told, disappointed when the washing finally comes to an end and Van withdraws his hands from your hair, stepping out of the water so you can have a turn to rinse. 

When you’re both finished you get to see Van’s reaction to the bathroom closet brimming with freshly washed towels. He doesn’t seem to understand the extent to which you’ve cleaned, and you suspect he’ll be pleasantly surprised for weeks to come when he sees all the work you’ve put into the guest bedrooms, not to mention what you’ve done with his favorite sunbathing patio. You swipe the towel over your skin, wiping away the excess droplets before wrapping it around your hair. You reach for your overnight bag again, this time to grab your Las Vegas shirt. You pick your lingerie up from the floor and slip it back into your bag, mentally congratulating it on a job well done. 

When you’re done tugging on a fresh pair of underwear (cotton, since itchy lace was no longer needed) and removing your contacts, you come back into the bedroom to see Van’s pushed the mattress back in place and remade the bed, his robe tie crumpled in the center of his comforter. He’s got a fresh pair of boxers on, and shakes his box of cigarettes in his hand as soon as you step out. 

“Let’s smoke.” He nods toward the giant glass window that stretches across the front wall of his room. There’s a narrow balcony on the other side, bordered by a sleek glass railing. You’re confused about how to step outside, but Van easily slips his fingers against the edge of the window, which slides open to expose the bedroom to the outdoor air. 

The balcony is unfurnished, Van plopping himself down in the corner, his back against the house. He’s brought the ash tray from his bedside table out, and you sit down next to him, stretching your legs out in front of you as Van doles out cigarettes to you both. 

“I didn’t even realize that window was a door,” You mumble before inhaling as Van holds the lighter flame to the end of your cigarette. Once it’s lit he does his own, peering out at the city twinkling beyond the railing.

“Don’t really bother to come out here,” He shrugs. “Rather just go out on the patio.”

“So why are we out here tonight?” You ask, looking down between your bodies at the ash tray while you tap your cigarette into it.

“Needed some fresh air. Get my head on straight.”

He punctuates his sentence with a long drag of his cigarette. You let the silence drag on, your body feeling heavier as the adrenaline from the sex starts to wear off.

“Was it good?” You finally decide to ask. You don’t know if it’s the same for Van, but the whole handcuff thing feels like the elephant in the room. For all intents and purposes it seemed Van had enjoyed himself, but now you’ve got the creeping anxiety that the reality might not be as appetizing for him as the porn made it seem. 

“The sex?” Van asks, looking over at you. When you nod, he hooks his thumb over his shoulder, grinning as he gestures to the bedroom. “Are we talking about the same thing? Because that was clearly brilliant.”

You roll your eyes at his teasing, your arm coming to rest over his shoulders. You give his body a playful shake. “You know what I’m talking about. Would you do it again? That… whole thing?”

It’s Van’s turn to roll his eyes before exhaling a warm burst of smoke right into your face. “Christ, I hope we give that a go again. You weren’t fucking kidding about celebrating my birthday. You were absolutely mental in there!” He’s beaming right at you, nudging you with his shoulder. “I’ve never seen you act like that! With the lingerie and everything! What came over you?” 

He’s clearly having a blast teasing you, so now it’s your turn to smoke him out. It only pleases him more to know he’s embarrassed you, a blush blooming over your cheeks as you remember how it felt to be completely in control of Van. You lift your arm from his shoulders to ruffle his hair, and he snuffs his cigarette butt out, resting his head on your shoulder. 

“This is a daft question, since the deed’s been done and all…” You can feel his voice vibrating against your skin. “But you’re not fucking anyone else, right?”

You can’t see his expression while he asks, the only thing visible in your peripheral vision the part of his hair as his cheek stays pressed on your shoulder. As you ash your own cigarette out you plant a quick kiss in his hair. It’s more romantic than you would allow yourself on a regular day, but tonight wasn’t a regular night. “Nope. Just you.”

Van lifts his head from your shoulder. “You really got the shit end of the stick. Sorry, love.”

“Shit end of the stick?”

“Well, yeah! You’re in there in lace tyin’ me up, and all I’ve got to offer is some shit missionary.” 

“I like missionary,” You frown. “And you’re forgetting about the head.”

Van frowns. “You think it’s good?”

You shrug, looking away. “Best I’ve ever had.”

Van knows from your previous conversations with him that’s not a lie, so he doesn’t argue. You watch his eyelashes as he blinks, and it looks like he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“You tired?” You ask, unwinding your arm where it’s snaked around him so that you can lift yourself off of the ground. 

He yawns, nodding. He takes your hands and you help hoist him up until he’s standing over you. 

Once inside, you both immediately climb into Van’s bed, the sheets still smelling like the fabric softener you’d used on them. 

Van doesn’t even go on his phone, too exhausted from today’s travels to fight his exhaustion. The lights are clicked off, and Van’s back is to you, his usual sleeping position.

You should roll over too, like you always do, but for some reason you nestle yourself against his back, throwing an arm over his side so that you’re spooning him. 

“What’re you doin’?” He grumbles, clearly almost knocked out after only five-ish minutes of silence. 

“Spooning you,” You say, as if that was any explanation at all, and kiss his hair again. You let your face linger by his scalp for a moment longer, breathing in the smell of his shampoo, before resting your head against your pillow. The skin of his stomach is soft against your fingertips, and the feeling of his body shifting rhythmically with his breathing immediately has your eyelids drooping.

You just loved him so, so, so much. And even if he didn’t love you back, you hoped he realized how much you cared for him. Because you realize now it’s more than you’ve ever cared about anyone else. 

\\

#summer's a knife #van mccann #catfish and the bottlemen #catb #van fic #van mccann fanfiction #catb fic

[since0202]

Chapter 28: Getaway

“Stay safe, okay? No cliff diving or swimming with sharks or trudging through alligator infested swamps,” Edward warned as he leaned down to press another kiss to Bella’s forehead. The terminal at Sea-Tac was bustling around them, not paying much attention to the odd trio. 

“I will,” Bella said, “Stay safe I mean.” Edward gave her a gentle smile and looked to Grace.

“Got everything you need?” he asked. 

“I think so,” Grace held up an ancient tome of Shakespeare’s collected works. 

“Good, I’ll see you two in four days,” he let a dramatic sigh and Bella gave a laugh wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again. Grace rolled her eyes and turned toward the gate waving a fruitless goodbye to the engrossed couple. 

As they boarded the plane, Grace checked her phone before turning it off. Jake, as usual, had been MIA for the few days after her birthday when she turned him down not so subtly. She could tell from her rounds with Embry that he wasn’t taking it well but trying his best not to let it show. To her surprise, she had a new text. She tried to contain her excitement as she opened it. 

SMS Text—8:32 a.m.: Paul

Have a safe flight. 

“Whaaaat the fuck,” Grace groaned looking at her phone. 

“What is it?” Bella said behind her. Grace snapped her phone shut and powered it down. 

“Nothing.” Why was Paul texting her of all people! Of all people!?

Florida gave Grace an excuse to bust out her real summer wardrobe, one that she usually flaunted during the humid Oklahoma summers—crop tops and stringy tank tops and bralettes that she tried to tell her mom were bikini tops. Bella was a little overwhelmed by this suddenly exuberant, bare skinned version of Grace. 

“Prude,” Grace teased her as she removed her spirit stone and laced a thin gold chain around her neck like a choker. It glittered against Grace’s perfectly sunkissed skin. The Florida sun was kind to Grace. Bella...not so much. Renee had slapped a giant wide brimmed sun hat on her on their first day there on the beach slathering her in sunscreen while Grace and her mother laid out in the sun. 

“So, tell me about Edward,” Renee probed as they settled on the back porch of her bungalow that faced the silver sanded beach. The girls were each given a glass of white wine as a celebration for their graduation. Grace was already sneaking them extra glasses when she went back to the kitchen for a napkin, an ice cube, some lotion. 

Bella’s explanation came in around the end of her second glass. “He’s…..” she looked at each woman for a moment and then with an exasperated huff she said, “He’s perfect. Really. I have no idea how this happened...to me.” Both Renee and Cherie let out little sighs of appreciation. 

“Tell us more!” Cherie prompted. “What’s he like? What drew you to him? How did you two first meet?” 

Grace smiled behind her third glass of wine and could only imagine the scene playing Bella’s head. What had drawn her to him? Mmm, the fact that he was a dangerously handsome and alluring vampire that had a thing for her blood? How did they meet? Oh, he saved her from getting smashed by a van and she just knew he was the one. 

Bella looked to Grace for help, her mouth hanging open, not sure how to explain. 

“They met in biology,” Grace replied easily, completely toasted, “Super romantic.”

“Biology is a very romantic subject. Huddled around a lab table. Dissecting frogs,” Renee teased. 

“Mom,” Bella groaned. 

“What?! He seems very nice from the very little that you tell me,” Renee said, giving her a smack on the arm. 

“Tell me about it.” Cherie said, taking a sip of her wine. 

“What does that mean?” Grace tested. 

“Nothing, only that apparently you had a boyfriend out in La Push for like two months and I had no idea until you two had broken up. What was his name,” Cherie snapped her fingers together multiple times trying to recall his name, “Uh...uh.”

“Paul, mom,” Grace said, annoyed and downing the rest of her glass. She got up to get another, not even offering an excuse this time. 

“Paul! Paul Lahote!” Cherie said triumphantly, “I knew the Lahote family when I was there. Nice people. Well, except for the dad. Jeremy? Jerry? He had a bit of an anger problem.” 

Grace rolled her eyes in the kitchen and filled her glass close to the rim. 

“My relationship with Paul is not...was not like Bella and Edward’s. They are madly in love with one another. We were just hanging out,” Grace said, shooting Bella an uncomfortable look. Bella watched her face and knew that that wasn’t true. 

“Well you still could have told me,” Cherie said a little disheartened. 

“Sorry, will do next time.” Grace said dismissively. 

“What about Billy’s son? Jacob?” Cherie offered. 

“Mom, no.” Grace groaned. 

“What!? Charlie said you two were hanging out and I didn’t know if it was the same kind of hanging out that you do with Paul or?” She waggled her eyebrows at her daughter. Grace couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Mom stop!” Grace said a smile cracking across her face, “It’s not like that. And anyway, we’re talking about Edward and Bella.” She motioned to Bella. 

“There’s not really much else to tell, we’re together, we’re happy, I hope that continues….forever,” Bella breathed. 

Renee looked at her daughter carefully and patted her thigh. The rest of the evening was spent talking about colleges, plans for the future, Cherie’s upcoming interview, and Renee’s adjustment to Florida life. 

At a little past 1 a.m., Bella and Grace turned into bed and told their mom’s to leave the dishes for the morning. The two women had their arms around each other and were singing an old Fleetwood Mac song at one another and Grace gave a delighted snort. 

“Cute.” She poured the half glass of wine left in the bottle into her glass and followed Bella to bed. Grace was definitely drunk. She had probably coasted through an entire bottle of wine by herself tonight without her mother knowing. Something about that gave her a freeing sensation. Bella went to the bathroom to shower and left Grace alone with her thoughts. 

The words that her mother had mentioned at dinner swirled around in her head.

What was his name? Paul! That’s right! Paul Lahote. 

Grace tried to shake her head of her last memory of her and Paul alone. He had undressed her and though he tried his best not to look, she could feel his burning gaze all over her. Now, in her drunken state it annoyed her. 

What about Billy’s son? Jacob?

Grace let out an audible groan. Of course her mother would know about Jake. And what was worse, she knew her mother could see that she had blushed profusely at his name. A dead giveaway. 

Why was this all so complicated? Did her ancestors have a death wish for her? Was this supposed to bring her some sort of triumph over adversity thing? Or was she truly just meant to be miserable forever? And why did she feel like she was doing this alone? 

Her eyes lazily landed on her phone plugged in on the nightstand. 

“Fuck this,” Grace said, grabbing her phone and dropping it on the floor accidentally before scooping it up, downing the rest of her glass and finding the right contact in her phone. 

“Hello?” It was late here but it was only after 10 p.m. back in Forks. Of course he’d be awake. 

“You really piss me off, you know that?” Grace said pointing to the air in front of her. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You have the absolute audacity to look at me the way that you do on a daily basis and think I won’t notice? You stare. STARE at me and I can see it you know? Some people would say that’s pretty creepy, that’s pretty stalker-ery of you, yah know?” 

“Grace, are you drunk?” 

“Listen to me! I know how this is supposed to go. Guy meets girl, girl falls for guy and then a bunch of stupid shit happens and now guy’s like ‘Hey, I’m gonna stare at you from afar and not fucking talk to you won’t that drive you crazy?’ And it does! It does! You did it. Congrats. You did it. It’s driving me crazy.” 

“Grace, calm down for a sec—” 

“Don’t tell me to calm down! Do I need to hold a sign? Helloooo, Do you need me to spell it out for you?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking—” 

“Yeah right, you know. You know. You’ve known this whole time. You’ve talked to Ti’Hal, you know.” 

“Grace, let’s just talk about this when you get home.” 

“No! I want to talk about it right now. I want to tell you what I’ve been thinking these past three weeks. The thing I couldn’t say and up until now, I didn’t know if I should, but I’m gonna and you’re gonna hear it buddy. You hear me?!” 

“Grace what are you doing?” Bella came out of the bathroom and was wrapped in a robe, her hair up in a towel, “Who’s on the phone?” 

“Hold on, Bella’s here.” Grace turned drunkenly to Bella stumbling a little. “I’m just gonna tell him.” She said confidently, shaking the phone and slurring her speech now.

“Grace, let’s go to bed. Give me the phone,” Bella approached her like she was a rabid animal, knowing she needed to get that phone away from her before she made a mistake. 

“I’m just gonna tell him!” Grace turned to yell into the phone, but Bella was quick, “I’m in love with you! You complete fucking—” the phone was already knocked out of her hands and Bella had slammed it shut. 

“Are you nuts?!” Bella said, laughing a little. 

“Probably,” Grace sighed sitting on her bed and flopping back onto the pillows. 

“I’m holding onto this until morning,” Bella said, putting it in her robe pocket. But Grace was already asleep. Bella popped open her phone to look at the last outgoing call. Unsurprised, Bella gave a short laugh at the name glowing from the small screen: Jacob. 

The next morning, Grace woke up to a splitting headache and an overwhelming thirst. She dragged herself up out of bed and splashed cold water her face before brushing her teeth and changing into a fresh set of clothes for the day. 

As she wandered down into the kitchen, she found Bella washing up last night’s dishes at the sink. 

“Goooood morning, drunk dialer,” Bella said, “Drink that, and take those.” She nodded to a talk glass of water on the counter and a couple of pills. 

“Nice,” Grace said. “What do you mean drunk dialer? Have you seen my phone?” Grace chugging the water and swallowing the pills. Bella produced Grace’s phone from her back pocket and set it on the counter. 

“I’d wait until you rehydrate before checking those texts.” Bella warned. 

“What?” Grace grabbed her phone, weak memories coming back to her from last night. She pulled her phone toward her desperately and pulled it open quickly navigating to her inbox. 

SMS Text—1:23 a.m.: Jacob 

Grace, call me back. I need to talk to you. 

I know you’re drunk but I thought you said...

Just call me back, 

SMS Text—1:43 a.m.: Jacob 

I’m sorry I’ve been staring at you, I like you. 

Sue me. 

Or don’t. Just call me back so we can talk. 

SMS Text—1:47 a.m.: Jacob

You’re unbelievable you know? 

You get drunk 2,000 miles away where I can’t get to you to drop this? 

Not. Cool. 

SMS Text—2:03 a.m.: Jacob 

Text me or call me when you wake up. 

We need to talk about this. 

Grace threw her head back and groaned: “Fuuuuu—morning mom!” Her mother came around from behind her.

“Good morning my only daughter.” She planted a kiss on her cheek. 

“You say only daughter like you have another daughter hidden away in a  basement somewhere.” Grace grumbled.

“Are you two ready to go kayaking in the Everglades? Renee’s quite the thrill seeker.” Cherie ignored her and looked to Bella.

“Yeah, should be fun!” Grace said, perking up. She pocketed her phone and resolved to bury her head so deep in the swamp that an alligator would surely come and tear her to pieces so she’d never have to face Jacob again. 

Floating in the kayak was peaceful. Grace let herself drift down the thread of water choked by duckweed and low hanging spanish moss, the morning sun glittering on the water. Ahead, Renee and Cherie were chuckling about something and Bella was gliding quietly next to her. 

Lost in her reverie, she didn’t realize Bella was next to her until their kayaks bonked together. 

“Ooh, sorry,” Bella apologized, trying to steer herself straight. “Kayaks aren’t meant for the uncoordinated.” Grace laughed and gave the back of her kayak a nudge forward. “Thanks.” 

“Yeah,” Grace said simply letting the sound of the water against her paddle lull her into another reverie. But it was short lived. 

“So, do you want to talk about what happened last night?” Bella said, giving her a knowing look. Grace internally groaned. 

“Not much to say that you didn’t already hear,” Grace said while she weaved her kayak around a particularly dense patch. 

“Mmm I think there’s more to say. You’re in love with Jacob...but you don’t want to be with him because?” Bella prompted. Grace was silent, her eyes on the water, “He’s crazy about you you know. Even when you thought there was something going on between us..which to be fair he did have a crush on me for awhile...but even back then, you’d always come up in our conversations. In everything. He’d always ask about you.” 

Grace had tried to block those early days out. The ones where she was so furiously drawn to Jacob and her stomach would flare angrily when she overhead him and Bella talking. 

“It’s not as easy as just saying I’m in love with you.” Grace finally said. 

“You had no trouble saying it last night when you were wasted,” Bella joked, ducking her head just in time to not get slapped in the face by moss. Grace shook her head. 

“You don’t get it,” Grace said, “I’ve already done the heartbreak thing once. You were there, remember?” Bella gave her a pained look as she continued, “For whatever fucked up reason, my ancestors think it’s pretty funny to have no one imprint on me or me imprint on anyone, but I still get to fall in love with them. Do you know how excruciatingly awful it is knowing you love someone who can and would leave you if someone they were meant to be with came along? That you could never measure up to? Because of some impossibly, supernatural standard?” Grace was desperate now. 

“Yes,” Bella said softly, casting her eyes down. Grace stopped at this. That made sense. 

“Of course,” she said, “Bella, I didn’t mean it like that but, you can see why I’m hesitating to jump into anything with Jake. Not to mention, Paul and I just broke up like 3 seconds ago and I’m still trying to figure all of this,” she gestured to her whole body, “out.” Grace let out an exasperated breath. “It’s exhausting. And the worst part is….” she paused here not sure if she wanted to go there. But why shouldn’t she? Bella drifted in front of her, looking at her calmly, openly. Bella wouldn’t begrudge her her feelings, nor was she in danger of unwillingly sharing them with Jake since her mind was protected from Edwards. 

She could tell her this here, in this calm swamp away from everyone, “The worst part is, I so so so want to be with him. Everything in my body, absolutely every part of me wants him. It’s terrifying thinking you’re staring at your stupid soul mate but knowing that they’ll be snatched away from you any second. I can’t live through that. Not with Jake. If we were happy and he--,” she choked here and took a minute to stop and compose herself, moving forward, her voice hard, “and he left, willingly or unwillingly, I don’t think I could come back from that. So I can’t risk it Bella, I can’t. And it hurts so much every single day to hold that resolve. It feels like it’s going against everything to hold myself back. But I just...can’t.” 

After a few minutes paddling forward together, Bella looked at her sadly and nodded, “Okay.” Grace gave her nod, “I understand.” 

“Good, now let’s talk about something else.” Grace bumped her boat into Bella’s. 

“Well, since we’re sharing secrets…” Bella looked down shyly and Grace’s eyes shot toward her, “Edward asked me to marry him.” 

“WHAT?!” Grace shouted as she rocked her kayak dangerously. Their mother’s who were further down the way looked over their shoulders and called out: “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah! I think she saw a snake!” Bella called back. “Chill!” she said to Grace laughing. In a hushed voice Grace said: 

“Marry?! As in til death do us part, rings and bells?” Bella nodded enthusiastically. “Woah.” 

“Tell me about it.” Bella replied. 

“So what did you say!? Did you say yes?! You’re 18!” 

“I know I’m 18.” Bella replied, a tinge of annoyance not targeted at Grace layered in her voice. “And it’s not the first time he’s asked me. This is like a regular thing with him.” 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” Grace said splashing her paddles around her dramatically. 

“Grace!” Bella said, darting her eyes toward their mothers again who were laughing and paddling a ways up. 

“This isn’t the first time?! What is he a glutton for matrimony?” Grace pulled a face and Bella laughed. 

“I don’t know, maybe.” 

“SO?! What did you say this time?” Grace begged now. 

“I said….I said yes.” Bella said barely over the sound of splashing water with a shy smile on her face. 

“Oh my GOD! BELLA!” Grace smacked her boat with her paddle. 

“Girls!” Cherie called back to them. 

“Yeah! Coming!” Bella called back as she tried her best to paddle away. Grace was after her in a second yelling “We’re not done talking about this!” 

It was their last night and Grace was cuddled up on an outdoor sofa under a soft blanket with her mom. Grace was thumbing through her Shakespeare collection and her mom was finishing a crossword. 

After a serene silence that Grace recognized as a common occurrence between the two of them, she heard her mom set down her pencil and look over at her. 

“How have you been? Really, I mean.” Grace looked over at her slowly. This was a weird turn. Could her mom sense something was up? Grace squirmed a little and her heartbeat picked up. 

“Fine, really. Forks is great and like I said, the council gifted me that run down house that I’m fixing up so it’s going well.” Grace repeated the same status update she had given her mother on their first day. 

“But...I know it was hard for you to return to all of that...without your dad, I mean,” Cherie spoke quietly now. 

“Mom.” Grace said softly coming closer to give her a hug, “It really has been okay. I’ve found a great family out there and it’s been good being back on the rez.” 

Cherie clasped her hands around Grace’s shoulder and pulled her tight to her. 

“I just worry about you Little Bird,” she whispered and kissed the top of her head. That had to be a coincidence. Grace sucked in a deep breath and looked up at her mother. 

“I’m okay….really,” she said this gently but meant it. Tears were in her mom’s eyes and she nodded. “Get a grip mom,” Grace laughed and Cherie echoed her. 

“I just miss you.” Cherie said. 

“You’re always welcome to come and stay. And I’ll visit more,” Grace promised. Cherie was satisfied with this and pulled her back into a hug, rocking her gently as the waves crashed off the shore. Grace was almost whole. 

#twilight fanfiction #twilightfanfiction #Twilight FanFic #new moon #eclipse #jacobblackxoc #jacob black #jacobxoc #edward cullen #paul lahote #bella swan #smeyer #The Pack #the cullens #chapter 28 #a monster lives here

[dawniebb]

We Need to Talk About Evie

but do we though?

OKAY SO.

To the anon who asked if we were making more content, this is it :)

Let’s just say that this was another sort of marathon about the canon divergence universe I share with @healing-winston-pratt ! And this one included two lists, a drawing and a fic :) which is this one. Basically, a “Maggie is Evie” reveal bc I love to hurt myself and other people. I wrote this MONTHS ago :) but still, I hope you like it! <3

For background:

Why is Winston alive and why do Nova and him live with Leroy?

And some other things related to the canon divergence universe, but NOT to this fic:

About Evander’s family

Their portrait: https://healing-winston-pratt.tumblr.com/post/626983013669044224/sandra-obrien-wade-and-arthur-evander-wade

We absolutely don’t need to talk about Evie right now bc we’re having a hard time already, but here we go :)

@novadreamer95438 , @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff there you go! (And @obsidianfr3sk bc I saw your tags about the fics jsjsjs and @jacihayle, but, in both your cases, you haven’t asked to be tagged and we’re doing it in case you wanted to get the notification, hence, if you want to be removed from the tag list, just notify us, that’s totally fine <3 )

They were sitting across the table, and it was super uncomfortable.

Nova thought about a married couple who was about to tell their grown ass child they were getting a divorce, even though the idea of an universe where for some reason Winston and Leroy were the same age and decided to get married absolutely repulsed her.

However, as disgusting as that sounded, that was what they looked like. They were even sitting next to each other, and while Winston tried to smile a bit, Leroy looked dead inside.

Not that he were physically able to look in some other way.

Damn.

She was used to all of this. These situations. These types of scenes.

And yet, she wanted it to be over once and for all. These had been the longest 5 minutes of her life. So long she even had to look at her clock to check how many minutes had passed, because she was almost sure they had been sitting there for at least 15.

But no. 5 minutes.

5 suffocating and eternal minutes.

Finally, Winston sensed and acknowledged this was getting kind of weird and, while straightening his back, he spoke in a fake upbeat voice.

“So… “He said.

Then his tone felt flat and his voice turned into nothing, because it disappeared. Like that. After his first word, he was out of courage again. And he stayed there, with his mouth half-open.

But Nova couldn’t tolerate this any longer, so this time she took (or at least tried to) the lead.

“So?” She asked with a determinate, almost demanding tone. “I was kinda in the middle of something, so… if you guys could…you know, tell me what did you call me for?”

Technically, she wasn’t lying. She was in the middle of something. It wasn’t work-related, but still it was something.

Nova tended to take her inventions, her personal projects, pretty seriously and Winston and Leroy were more than aware of that, and since she knew that, she found it very rude of them to interrupt her; to take her out of her zone so they could all sit around the table in an awkward and tense silence, listening to the sound of their own breaths. That is, she wasn’t usually this this harsh towards them, but they had managed to put her in a bad mood.

“Yeah. Sure. Of course you wanna know what is it that we called you for.” Winston sniffed, lacing his fingers together on the table. He looked…no, he acted nervous.

Nova didn’t know what he was about to say or what they were trying to tell her, but she was sure as hell that, after this, Winston would have to talk to his therapist, as he was continuously clearing his throat to stop his fake high-pitched tone from coming out instead of his real voice.

“We need to talk.” He concluded.

Nova snorted, while Leroy rubbed his face so hard she could see the trace of his hand on his own skin…As if he were helping much to the situa…

“Goddamn. Don’t do that. It’s not like you’re being too helpful.”

Thank you.

“I know.” Leroy said in a monotonous tone. “However…”

“No. Please. Just stop. I’m shaking and you’re just making it worse. If you’re not gonna do anything to help then stop grimacing at me or get the fuck out.”

“Man.”

“You act like an old, adult-sized, grumpy toddler. Grow up.”

Nova bit her lip, trying to convince herself this wasn’t funny, even though it was. In the past, being aware Winston was mad would’ve been extremely scary (The fact he was kind to her didn’t mean he could be underestimated. Winston had easily been the most dangerous Anarchist after Ace and Ingrid) but right now it was just…this. He could have a bad temper if he put his mind into it, though he would move on after like 30 minutes or so.

And Leroy knew that too, so he didn’t get offended.

That, and the fact that it was extremely hard to make Leroy feel offended.

Winston closed his eyes and massaged his temples, trying to get his chill back and align his freaking chakras.

Nova hissed. She had had this idea for a couple of minutes now, but she decided that it was the time to spit it out because, besides being eager to go back to the basement, she could feel the stress levels were getting out of control and they were at the point where they soon would start killing each other.

“If this is about The Talk.” Nova said, and once their attention was back at her, she repeated, air quoting:

“The Talk.”

“We know what you’re referring to.” Leroy nodded.

“Yeah. So…there’s no need for that.” She assured. “I already know about that stuff. Honey gave me a really graphic lecture back in the day and, not to offend you guys, but I’m not sure I want to go through that again. I appreciate the intention, but…”

“It’s not about that.” Leroy said. Cold, almost like he wanted her to shut up. Nova knew there was no use in feeling attacked or bad because that was the way Leroy usually spoke to everyone. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge in her stomach. In Leroy’s mind, from what she had heard, seen and experienced, she didn’t fit in the everyone category.

“Oh.” She gulped. “What is it, then?”

Leroy stared at her, Nova stared at Winston when Leroy’s stare was too heavy, and Winston stared at Leroy too.

So good ol’ Cyanide had no other option but to open his mouth again.

“We need to talk about Evie.”

And the world went numb. Her world. Her entire, little, shattered world.

And even though everything around it was in flames, Nova’s body, which held her little world, felt frozen. She was made of ice.

And she felt extremely cold.

She looked at both Winston and Leroy with all the hatred she was yet to dispose; all the resentment she still carried within; all the pain that still ate from her insides from now and then; until she realized she had skipped at least 5 seconds breath, and her legs responded, helping her up from the chair almost against her will.

They had no right.

They weren’t allowed to mention that. Not yet.

Not when they knew she was yet to heal.

Not when they knew they were ripping open an old, painful scar.

“No, we don’t.” She stated directly. “The only person I’ll talk to about that at the moment is my therapist and if you don’t like it it’s not my obligation to apologize. You’ll have to deal with that. You’re grown ass men.”

This time it was Winston’s turn to rub his face until there has a hand-shaped red line all the way through it.

“Wow, you fucking genius.” He barked at Leroy. “So sensitive and subtle, as al—“

“YOU’RE GROWN ASS MEN!” Nova slammed the table, feeling so furious she didn’t even find the time to cry.

Mostly because didn’t feel like crying.

Instead, she felt like screaming in a pillow until her throat bled.

“HEY! FINE, FINE! CALM DOWN!” Winston reached for her hand, grabbing her by the wrists. “CALM DOWN, YOU’LL HURT YOUR HANDS!”

She stopped. Not because she was more calm, but because Winston looked genuinely worried and she couldn’t help but feel…something.

Nova breathed like an enraged bull until her lungs ached and Winston’s gaze felt bigger than her, along with his hold.

Just like when she was little, during stormy nights.

Winston and Leroy were always the best at calming her down. And even now, no matter how hard she tried, every time they did stuff like this she went numb. A weird type of numb.

A good type of numb.

“Good.” Winston sighed. “Would you mind to sit down?”

She did it, as her body suddenly felt heavy as a rock; her body touched the chair again, and she shivered but tried to act normal.

“I’m sorry.” Leroy said in a hoarse voice. And even if she expected something more, that something never came, but Nova understood anyways.

Still, she didn’t find the strength to answer.

Winston rubbed his hands against each other and gently pushed his glass of water across the table towards her, but although her throat was dry, she refused to drink from it. She still had something called pride.

“What do you want?” She asked coldly.

“Nova, look…”

“What do you want?” She asked again, annoyed. “Do you want to know about how I left her to die?”

Winston shut his eyes closed as if he had received a really painful punch, and he scratched his forehead.

“What do you want from me? What do you want to know?” Nova begged from them to answer. “Please. I don’t know what do you want or why do you want it but let’s just…get this over with.”

“We don’t want anything from you.” Leroy started, this time in a less hurtful and soulless tone. “We’ve already caused you too much harm all over the years and we’re trying to make it up to you. Hence, I apologize for broaching the subject in such a sudden and violent way.”

Nova’s lips trembled, just like her hands.

“Fine.” She said.

Just…fine.

Nothing else to say.

Not at the moment, at least.

“And I apologize in advance for having to bring this up in the first place.” Winston licked his lips and cleared his throat. Again. “We even consulted your doctor and everything and, needless to say, we were advised not to act like asses about it. But somebody did anyway so…”

“You’ve thrown so many bricks at me I could build a wall with them, Winston. Thanks for your cooperation.”

“You’re welcome, you insensitive piece of shit.”

As fast as he directed his attention to Leroy, he directed it to Nova again, who just sniffed, blinded by rage.

“You talked to my doctor.” She said. Not as a question, but rather as a statement.

Because that’s what it was, and she wasn’t going to apologize for that either.

“We did.” Winston nodded. “Remember that she provided us with her contact and stuff, in case you…”

“I know.” Nova massaged her temples. “I know.”

“She didn’t provide any confidential information, nor did she give us any type of sensitive details about your sessions.” Leroy assured. “So there’s no need for you to be…worried about that.”

She wasn’t worried about that. She trusted them enough, even if sometimes she wasn’t willing to admit it. At least, she trusted them enough to know that, if someday her therapist saw herself in the necessity to tell them something, anything about what happened during the appointments, she wouldn’t be mad.

Not too much, at least.

But this was just too out of character even for them. And, not to sound harsh, but she would’ve expected it from someone like Hugh. Not them. Not Winston and Leroy.

“I’m not.” She said, trying to remain in a neutral tone. “So…please, please just tell me what’s this issue that’s so delicate you had to talk to my therapist before talking to me.”

They stared to each other for a second, before Leroy handed the folder he’d been keeping under his arm to Winston; the one she hadn’t paid too much attention to, as she thought it was…normal paperwork stuff.

Winston didn’t hand it to Nova. Instead, he put it on the table and placed both his hands on top of it.

“So. You’ve been told about and even helped with the updates to the Renegades system.” Winston said. High-pitched.

“Correct.” Nova’s eyelid was twitching.

“And…well, you know, since you are…a Renegade.” Winston coughed. “They had to take DNA samples from you to…”

“Upload it to the system. Let’s skip that part. I know it.” Nova rolled her eyes. She had no idea why they were going around the topic so much. “I’m the one they took samples from. I had to sign for permission. There’s no need to explain something I did. “

“Okay, okay. I’m…I’m sorry. You’re right.” Winston sniffed. “But…we need to mention it because…well…”

“They took samples from all the current Renegade recruits:  Members of the Council, patrol units, the janitorial team, the Headquarters staff…” Leroy took a deep breath. “….Winston and I had been suspicious about this for a while but still…”

“Still, we didn’t know.” Winston nodded. “….Gosh. This is going to be fucking hard.”

Nova crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s going to be hard?” She laughed sarcastically. “And what does Evie even have to do with this? What is this all about?”

When they just looked at her, she thought she might have been missing something. Or failing to catch something in that case. Not that she cared at this point.

“Nova. The thing is that…” Winston took a deep breath. “We…”

A nervous laugh escaped his mouth, while Leroy played with the fabric of the tablecloth, absently.

“We…uhm…” He gulped. “We got…a match.”

She heard and comprehended the structure of the sentence, but it didn’t make sense at all in her head. So, the best answer she could think of was:

“A match of what?” in a harsh tone, arching her eyebrow as she tilted her head to the side.

“What the fuck are you two talking about?”

Winston hissed, and Leroy cleared his throat.

“A match, Nova.” Leroy clarified.

And after remaining in silence for at least three seconds, he spoke again, just because Winston refused to do it.

“A DNA that matches yours. And that, comparing it to the samples they took from Evie when she was born…it…uhm….also matches hers.”

She heard the words through a blank noise that invaded her ears. Deafening.

She felt the hot tears creating a vessel through her vision, as her arms tightened around her chest. And somehow, the answer was still clear as water.

“That’s bullshit.” She declared. “Those tests are wrong because the Renegades are still negligent as fuck. So that’s pure bullshit. That’s pure and utter…”

“Nova…”

“I was there the day she died and I could’ve saved her but I didn’t so she fucking died.” She stated, calm. “That’s the way things are. That’s what happened. That’s what…”

“Nova.”

“Nova. Listen.” Leroy stared directly at her eyes.

And this time he looked absolutely destroyed, so she listened.

For once.

“Her name’s Margaret White.” He said, slowly. “That’s Evie. That’s your sister.”

Her heartbeat turned into a drum, beating so fast it made her whole body ache. She turned into a car about to crash against a fence. A rollercoaster. A train wreck. A hurricane about to happen. And above all that noise, all she could hear were the bullets; all she could touch was Evie’s soft baby skin; all she could feel was the apartment’s floor beneath her bare feet; all she could smell was her mother’s blood above her brow; all she could remember was Magpie’s face.

All she could recognize was the bullet she carried around in her pocket.

All she could remember was how that kid had stolen her bracelet. Twice.

How she stared at her so full of disdain, directing a different type of sneer at her every single time; so resented with everyone, even with herself people she didn’t know.

Magpie, that Magpie, was the little baby Nova had mourned for more than half of the years she had been alive.

Magpie, who hated her and everyone else.

“Oh, Nova…” Winston tried to reach for her hand, but Nova slapped his’ away as hard as she could, careful not to release her power on him, just because she wanted to confront both of them.

“That’s bullshit.” She repeated, frantic. “It can’t be true.”

All she’d done.

“It can’t be true. Those papers are wrong.”

All she’d suffered.

“It’s not true.”

All she’d risked to avenge her sister.

“You’re lying.” She said, tears streaming down her face, begging they were lying.

All she’d done and risked…just for her beloved little sister to be alive.

Her chest went up and down, violently, as she covered her ears to avoid hearing their voices.

“NO!” She screeched, getting up from her chair. “YOU’RE LYING! YOU’RE LYING! YOU ALL ARE NOTHING BUT…!”

“NOVA, PLEASE, CALM DOWN!”

She slammed her fist on the table once again, as she felt her whole body losing control. Shaking. Shivering. Trembling.

Crumbling apart along with her life.

Her lie of a life.

Her little sad world full of lies and grief.

And now grief was also a lie.

“YOU’RE FUCKING LYING!”

Couldn’t it had been, at least, somebody that loved her?

-.-

By the time the healer was gone, Simon finally noticed the little wounds in Winston’s hands. He also had bitten his nails until he reached his skin and it started to bleed.

And his face was soaked.

And that, even if it was odd to admit it, broke his heart. He was absolutely distraught, just like Leroy, even though Leroy was handling it way better.

If Simon hadn’t been through this many times, he probably would’ve reacted the same as Winston.

“Is she…?”

“Yeah. She’ll be fine.” Hugh cleared his throat.

It had happened so fast they didn’t even have time to put on their uniforms. They were here, with regular clothes, just because Leroy and Winston hadn’t figured who else to call.

“The healer gave her some sedatives. It’ll take a couple of minutes, but she’ll…she’ll be fine.” Hugh said, to which Winston hiccupped and nodded, even if he wasn’t crying anymore.

Leroy showed no reaction. He was staring at a blank space in the nearest wall.

“We figured …maybe you don’t consider it adequate that Adrian spends the night here, so…he already notified the rest of the team members and Tucker volunteered. You…know her, right?”

“We do.” Winston said in a hoarse voice. “The…girl with this… grappling hook, right? Ruby.”

“Err… not quite a grappling hook but yeah. That’s her.”

Oh my god, Hugh.

Later Simon would lecture him about how it was non polite to be this dense.

Right now, it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was the scene that could be seen through the ajar bedroom door.

Nova was kneeling on the carpet while Adrian hugged her from the back, covering her body with his’.

You’re lying.

You’re lying.

You’re lying.

That’s what she said. On loop.

And Stars, Simon wished they were.

#renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #canon divergence #renegades aus #not quite but ok #nova artino #nova mclain #insomnia #nightmare #leroy flinn #cyanide #winston pratt #evie artino #margaret white #hugh everhart #captain chromium #simon westwood #the dread warden #adrian everhart-westwood #sketch #i tried to make this as realistic as i thought #because if i found out my dead sister is not actually dead i would be losing it #and not in the good sense lmao #we're all nova here #digging our own graves like winners