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glassartpeasants · 3 years

Note

If you don't make a happy ending for couldn't care less you better keep bob with you at all times

HOW DARE YOU THREATEN BOB YOU KNOW WHAT-

Couldn’t Care Less .2

Shigaraki x GN!Reader

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, abuse, gore

~~~

“i hope that blue haired fuck got what he wanted. I hope that handyman freak dies alone.” You say to yourself as you walk down the alleys way of Musutafu. The smell of the dingey and moldy alleyways flood your nose as the laughter of happy couples ring in your ears.

How come they got they’re happily ever after but you didn’t? It wasn’t fair. You did everything you could to be there for him. Yet he still treats you like shit, all because you cared about him? And then he thinks your cheating all cause you ask a male friend for advice! What an insecure asshole.

A vibrating in your pocket brought you back to reality as you realize your phone was ringing. Letting out a sigh you answer,

“Hello?”

“Come pick up your shit.” Oh, you thought you blocked this fuck.

“Keep it asshole. I don’t want anything that smells like ‘lonely bastard who only gets action from his hand’ on my clothes. Burn it, decay it, I couldn’t give a shit less.”

“God you were always so dramatic. And there’s no reason to be a cunt.”

“And there was no reason for you to be an insecure dick. You either block my number or im calling the police and ratting on you.” A silence fell over the phone. Nothing was said until you finally spoke up.

“Jeez your pathetic. I’ll do it myself.” He was about to say something, insult your most likely before you hung up the phone and blocked him not seconds later.

“Now he’s outta my hair. I can finally feel some sort of calm.”

~~~

3 weeks later

After a day of coming back to your musty apartment you decided it needed a little bit of cleaning, considering you haven’t been their in about 4 months. You paid up front all the time even when you weren’t living in it. Just in case ya know?

You swept up the floors, vacuumed the carpet AND shampooed it.Cleaned the tub, shower and sinks, cleaned out your empty refrigerator, washed all you sheets and what clothes you left there. It wasn’t much so you knew you had to get some more before anything else. That and groceries.

After all that was said and done, you sat down on the couch and just relaxed. Well you tired, that was before Shigaraki popped into your head again. It wasn’t a sort of loving way, it was a hatred sort of. The thought of his stupid face made you just want to punch a wall, pretending to be his face.

But you ignored it as you turned on the Tv, hoping that would get your mind off him. Nothing interesting except the news. Always talking about violence and war. Same old thing over and over. Blood, death, tragedy.

“This world is a cruel unjust place. The only way it seems to be recognized in this world is death or doing horrible things. Nothing good every comes to fruition.” You grumble before walking to your room and plopping down on the nice clean and still warm sheets. The nice smell of lavender slowly dragging you to sleep.

~~~

A loud bang hit your door which ripped you from your slumber. You were questioning on checking it out before you heard something that made your heart stop,

“If there’s anyone in the house kill them, we can’t have people knowing we ransacked this place.” You slowly get off your bed before moving slowly and quietly to your window. Your push your fingers on the glass and you gently push it up. Grabbing at the sides of the window you pull yourself out of it, not before hearing a gunshot and a burning pain inside your calf.

“Fuck! They’re getting away!” You could hear them from inside the house.

“Did they see you?!” You fell from your window onto the ground. Thankfully your apartment was on the first floor so it wasn’t a high drop.

“Not that i know of! I did shot them in the leg so they shouldn’t have gotten far!” You try your hardest as you run towards the main street. Cutting through alleyways, going as fast as you can as you hear they’re footsteps behind you. Looking up closely you see a hero, knowing he was your only chance you scream for help.

“Help me please!” The hero’s head turned towards you and ran towards you. You guess the robbers heard your cry for help because they’re footsteps seemed to be heading back your probably trashed apartment.

“Oh my! What happened?!” The sound of the hero’s concerned voice calmed you down a bit.

“Some people tried to rob my place and i tried to get out of there silently but they must have came into my room and saw me leaving and shot me in the calf!” You wince as putting pressure on the wound burned hotter than hell.

“Don’t worry! I’ll get you to the hospital in no time!” You felt relieved before hearing a crunching sound, you looked to your left and see a familiar patch of blue hair in your peripheral vision. You ignored him before getting picked up by the hero and was carried to the hospital. The blood loss from your calf slowly dragged you into unconsciousness.

~~~

After waking up you notice the white room you were in. It was pristine to the touch and smelled of lemon cleaning products. The bright lights hallways peered inside your room from the crack of your door.

Looking around the small feeling of pain crept back into your leg except not as painful anymore. Pulling back the covers you notice bandages and a small bit of blood that stained through the bandages around your wound.

“Ah fuck that’s gonna scar. It’s gonna be a pain to heal too.” You say to yourself as you pull back the blankets and wrap yourself up in them.

Right as you were falling back asleep the ringing of your cellphone brought you out. Grumbling in annoyance you grab it and look at the caller id. It was a number you didn’t recognize so you just let it ring thinking it’ll be the end of it. That was until it started ringing again. You sighed in frustration and picked up the phone, not wanting it to ring longer since it was in the dead of night at the hospital and you wanted people to be able to sleep.

“What the hell do you want? It’s the middle of the night.” You annoyed voice rang into the other side of the phone.

“Why tf were you talking to a hero? Did you fucking break your end of the bargain?” You were confused at first. You definitely knew the voice behind the phone. Then you remembered earlier that day when you saw him in the shadows.

“I was literally shot. You think im not gonna ask someone for help?” You rub the bridge of your nose.

“I don’t believe you. You always were a two faced bitch.”

“Oh jesus fuck, thanks for the insult. Glad to know what you always thought about me.”

“I’m going to kill you you backstabbing bitch.”

“Love ya too. goodnight and goodbye Shigaraki.” You hung up and blocked said number. You weren’t going to lie, hearing him spill such an insult and threat hurt you and made you very weary and afraid if he would actually go through with it or if he was just saying that to scare you.

You knew what those hands could do and you knew how painful that death would have been. You were hurt more than you liked to admit, at the beginning of your relationship he wasn’t aggressive or mean at all towards you. He’d try to get you flowers or your favorite type of drink. He called you pet names that would make your heart flutter and beat, you don’t know what you did wrong for him to change so suddenly. It was like on day he flipped a switch, and you never knew why.

You tried recalling the day where it started and remembered that everyone was annoyed or being rude to Dabi, you didn’t know why and when you asked Spinner or anyone else they just said it was national, be a bitch to Dabi day. You laughed and shrugged it off ignoring it before walking up to your boyfriend giving him a kiss on the lips, only to be pushed into the wall and ignored. You just looked at him in shocked and it had only spiraled down from there to where you are now.

Something had to be wrong. You knew it, Dabi had to have something to do with Shigaraki’s switch in behavior. You looked around the room for any camera and when you noticed that there were none, you called up the burnt male himself. He surprisingly picked up on the first ring.

“(Y/N)? I haven’t heard from you in 3 weeks. Or was it four? Doesn’t matter, where have you been?”

“Dabi, i need you to be honest with me, did you say something to Shigaraki?”

“Huh?”

“Dabi, five months ago Shigaraki flipped a switch and went from a caring boyfriend to an actually nightmare. I need to know if you or anyone else said something to him.” Dabi was quiet on the other line before sighing,

“About that time range i made a joke about sleeping with you, everyone knew it was a joke but apparently Shigaraki didn’t. I didn’t think he’d treat you like he did. Im sorry.” You fell silent. All this shit treatment because Shigaraki couldn’t a joke. Sure it pissed you off that Dabi made such a stupid joke but you were more mad at Shigaraki that he just treated you like shit instead of asking you and confronting you about it.

“Thank you for telling me. Do you know where Shigaraki is now?”

“He left about an hour ago, why?” Shit. You knew this was the only hospital close to your place and Shigaraki knew that too. You got up from your bed and locked the door before going back into your bed, watching the crack under your door incase the light was blocked.

“Dabi, I just want you to know that i forgive you.”

“What? What the fuck are you talking about-” Your phone went silent as the battery died.

‘Shit shit shit shit!’ you thought to yourself as you beg for the phone to turn back on. But you fell silent as the light from the outside of your room was blocked.

“(Y/N), I know you're in there, open the fucking door before i decay it down.” You said nothing in fear. You were glued to your bed as you faced the door.

But that fear was nothing compared to seeing him actually decay the door.

“You stupid snitch. i should make your death as painful as possible.” he said as soon as he stepped inside your hospital room.

“Shigaraki, I didn’t snitch I promise. Why don’t you believe me!” You say as you get off your bed and try to get as far away from him as possible. The pain of the bullet would making you wince.

“Why would I believe a cheating bitch like you?” Before you could speak a four fingered grip wrapped itself around your throat. Shigaraki was always fast, you should have known that you were gonna die even if you tried your hardest.

“I didn’t cheat on you!” You try to pry yourself from shigaraki’s grip.

“Dabi says otherwise.”

“Are you really going to believe him?! You didn’t even talk to me or ask me about it! Just went straight to believing him!” The grip on your neck got tighter.

“then why was they’re a hickey on your collarbone?!”

“You gave it to me! It was fading out!”

“That doesn’t change the fact you snitched!” His pinkie was grazing closer to your skin.

“I never snitched, I was robbed and then they shot me. If you went to my apartment you would see i was right.” He said nothing just staring at you with cold dead eyes.

“Look! I have bandages wrapped around my calf!” Shigaraki looked down before saying something back.

“It was something the hero’s did so they could protect you in this shit hospital.” I was at that moment you knew, nothing you said would change his mind. You shed not a tear while looking him in the eyes

“I wish I never met you. Fuck you Tomura Shigaraki, I hope you die alone and I’ll see you in hell.” You move your head so his last and final finger touched your skin.

The pain of your skin decaying and falling off was much more painful than you thought it would be. You can remember screaming in pain but, it felt more of a emotional scream rather than one of physical pain. but it seems you weren’t the only one screaming.

The sounds of Shigaraki wailing and screaming your name reached your ears before all you heard was silence and saw nothing.

Shigaraki scrambled to try and grab you and even put you together, but your bloody ashes stuck to his hand. Remains of your existence covered his clothes as he screamed in pain.

“No no no no! Wait please! I didn’t mean it!” He cried as his tears fell onto your ashes, the tears collecting the ashes and forming a grey tear drop. He wasn’t thinking clearly, he’s sorry! He didn’t want to kill you!

Bile rose from his throat as he puked all over the ground, inches away from your ashes. He grabbed your ashes trying to pick them up to hold what was left of you. But all he got was the remains of your smeared all over his hoodie. He shook violently as memories of you guys replayed in his mind, your happy face and the way you use to love him and care for him.

But now, you were nothing more than ashes on his sleeve, reminding him that he was now truly alone.

#tomura shigaraki #mha #bnha #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shiragaki #mha tomura #Shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #never threaten bob again anon :)

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hollowedwing · 3 years

Text

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part.

Word count: ~1,800

_________________________________

You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly.

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought.

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters.

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door.

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events.

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on.

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess.

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

#hawks x reader #hawks x gn!reader #hawks x winged reader #bnha x reader #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #keigo x you #takami keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #ahHHHh i really hope this ok???#feedback might be nice? idk Dx #I'm still not in the flow of fanfic writing DX its been 5 years #geeeeZ #also I apologize for the amount of ellipses that i use #thats just how I text/talk kinda #isekaied into hawks life

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god1ngs · 3 years

Text

━‎ second chance

synopsis; dream offers you a deal

contains; manipulation, fighting, war, guilt tripping, death threats

prolouge + 2.1k wc

note; wow this was really long, but i hope you enjoy the prologue of seven days! also i'm changing the update schedule to every wednesday because im impatient lmao

seven days masterlist ; masterlist ; next part

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎everyone was fighting. there was no time to think as people charged into battle, screaming echoing off trees and shaking the leaves. the war went on, the violence unceasing between the dream smp and l'manberg. this was the worst possible outcome.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you never liked war, even if you were known for starting chaos, this wasn't the type of chaos you wanted nor needed. l'manberg was still fragile, still in a new and weakened state, having not been built too long ago. war would only tear it down.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎before you joined l'manberg, you and dream were close. really close. the two of you could be seen everywhere and, without a doubt, were two of the closest people on the server. and yet the two of you had drifted apart before everyone else.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it started when dream became more power hungry, demanding l'manberg to be tore down simply for his own tyrannical reasons. you noticed, the change in his attitude evident, yet didn't say anything. it didn't stop dream from lashing out at you and even exiling you though.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it was too late however, even by then. you were already too entangled with dream, and he knew it.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you hadn't spoke to dream since your exile. you stayed in the walls of l'manberg, usually only speaking to wilbur or tommy. you were more lonely. dream was, in a sense, all you had. he was the one person you talked to and the one who seemed to care about you.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎sure, you spoke to george and sapnap, but they weren't dream. dream was the one you favored, despite saying you liked them all equally. that was clear, no matter how much you insisted you didn't.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it was even more clear when dream began speaking.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎dream, sapnap, and george stood outside the towering walls of l'manberg. they had tnt and weapons that were far greater than your own. they were intimidating, exactly as they had planned. they stopped the violence for a moment, pausing when dream raised a hand up.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"i want to speak to [name]."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it was as if time had stopped. you were stood behind wilbur, but the only person you could see was dream. an arm was placed in front of you, wilbur's, and he said something. but you weren't listening, too caught up in the way dream was staring at you.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎was he staring at you? you couldn't tell with his mask on.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you came back to your senses, looking up at wilbur. you had always been one of the loud ones of l'manberg, but you stayed quiet as he talked to dream. you heard your name amongst his words, but couldn't decipher what he was saying.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎then it happened.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎within seconds everything was gone. ash scattered across the once green grass and smoke rising in the air. it happened all so quickly. you had ash in your hair and there were bits of stone and wood laying around. you all ran to the caravan, trying not to get caught in any more flying debris.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎glass crunched beneath your feet as you walked in the caravan. part of it was gone and the glass panes had been broken. it was evident how much destruction had been done by dream. so why were you still thinking about him?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you hadn't noticed, but your ears were ringing. you were lightheaded and there was blood on your once clean uniform. "i consider this a win." wilbur said, ever so confident. it was refreshing to see his confidence still in tact. it reminded you of dream.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you stood beside the caravan now, the destruction of your home creating a sinking feelinf in your chest. however, it was gone once wilbur stood on top of the vehicle. he wrote the declaration of independence, the giggles from you and your comrades filling the air.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it was a change of heart from the war that ended only minutes ago.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎afterwards, you all got patched up. wilbur had been bandaging your hand, having got shards of class from the windows of the caravan stuck in it, when he suddenly sighed. "[name]." he said firmly, looking at you. had you done something?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"did you hear what dream said today?"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it was all a blur, the loud sounds of war and your own thoughts had drowned out the sound of anything else. "no? what did he say?" you asked, something arising in your chest. you couldn't tell what it was, but there was a familiar sense of giddiness. you were giddy to know what dream had said, willing to be hooked on every syllable coming from him.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he only shook his head, wrapping your hand. "nothing. just something about how he wanted to talk to you." he answered, not noticing the way you got somewhat upset. you hummed, nodding your head before he turned to the night sky. it was late, much later than you were supposed to be up.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎everyone else had already been asleep, having been nursed hours ago, but you had only just noticed the shards of glass in your hand. you didn't know how the pain had left you unaffected, but dream had always told you how strong you were.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"you should go to bed," wilbur murmured after a moment of silence. "it's late and we have things to do tomorrow." you nodded quietly, unaware of the tired look on the mans face. you bid your goodnights, and with that, you went back to your home.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you had been trying to go to sleep for hours. you couldn't seem to stay still enough to go to sleep. perhaps you still had energy from earlier. you sat up, frowning as you glanced out of your window. the grass, once lush and green, was now tainted with the aftermath of war.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎maybe a walk would help.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you got a knife, a simple form of protection in case anyone tried to attack you. you walked out of your house, careful to be quiet to not wake any of the others. you hoped you were the only one having sleeping problems.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you found yourself wandering out of the walls of l'manberg, sitting beside a lake. it was peaceful, the gentle glow of the moonlight reflecting off the water. it was silent, the crickets and the sway of the leaves being the only noise around.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎or so you thought.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you hadn't even heard anyone come behind you. you were alone, weren't you? it appears not. "i haven't seen you in a while." his voice cut through the peaceful atmosphere, bringing dread and longing all at once.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you turned to look back at dream, the smile mask haunting and causing you a sense of peace at the same time. your mouth ran dry, eyes wide as you looked up at him. this was the first time you two have talked in months.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you nodded in agreement to his words, wondering if you should be scared or excited of the man. you wanted to feel nervousness, to be put off by his sudden appearance, but all that came was the relief of finally being able to talk to him.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"not talking, huh? do you even miss me?" he asked, taking a seat beside you. you panicked, frantically trying to tell him that you had missed him, but he only laughed in your face. "calm down," he teased, the grin in his voice calming you down. "you always overreact at every little thing."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you apologized sheepishly, embarrassment tickling you. he sighed, leaning back on his palms as he stared at the moonlight. was he relaxed? "you know, i tried to talk to you earlier. in front if l'manberg. did you not hear me?" he turned to look at you, tilting his had quizzically.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you shook your head, rubbing at your arm. "no, i didn't. i'm sorry. it was really loud then." you explained, being comforted as he put a hand on yours. "it's alright. just make sure you listen for me next time okay?" his grip got tighter at his words, a passive aggressiveness punctuating them.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you nodded quietly, his iron grip alleviating at your movement. silence washed over you two again, your mouth opening and closing at the words you wanted to say but didn't know how to. it changed once he pulled you closer to him.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"do you know why i exiled you, [name]?" he asked. you were confused, brows furrowing as you shook your head. "no .. why did you exile me, dream?" you asked, hesitant but willing to get the answer. he hadn't told you what he had exiled you for, having only told you he was done with you and to get out of his sight.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎his hand left yours, instead resting on your chin and tilting your head to look up at him. he was much more intimidating with the moonlight shining behind him, yet looked like an angel all the same. once more, his grip tightened on your chin. you winced, knowing there would be a mark there.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"you threatened my power. you were the one thing holding me back from doing what's necessary. exiling you was the only way i could make sure you wouldn't get in my way," dream seethed, snarling beneath his mask. he snatched your face closer to his, your eyes wide with confusion and fear. "but you're threatening my control again."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he let you go, you grabbing your chin out of pain and stammering at him. he reached for his sword, bringing it out of its sheath and pointing it at you. you were vulnerable, only having a knife that you couldn't possibly reach for with him keeping his eyes on you, not without risking your safety.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"killing you in the only way i can make sure you don't hold me back anymore."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he raised his sword, and your life flashed before your eyes. you begged. you pleaded for mercy, tears welling in your eyes and your hands covering your head. "please dream!" you sobbed, sniffling as you begged him to spare your life. "i won't get in your way anymore, i swear! i'm sorry!"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎your life should have been over with, but he stopped. he tilted his head down at you, his sword still pointing at your chest. you whimpered, tears streaming down your face. you couldn't even feel the embarrassment of it with all the fear weighing you down.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he weighed his options, thinking for a moment. unbeknown to you, he grinned beneath his mask. he would play with you for a little while longer. "alright." he said, amusement coating his tone. he tilted your chin up with the end of his sword, the blade nearly caressing your neck. it scared you, how easily dream would be able to kill you.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎dream almosted pitied how pathetic you were.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"i'll give you seven days. a week for you to say goodbye to everyone, and when those seven days are over, you come right here, at this time, and you get to convince me to either spare your life a second time or i kill you. understand?"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎the joy in his voice, the raw delight, terrified you. you nodded frantically, not passing up on a chance to have your life spared. your mind was already racing with thoughts to convince him to spare your life.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"if you try to go against me in any way possible within this week, i'll kill you in front of your friends instead. do we have a deal?" he put his sword away, putting his hand out towards you. you hesitated, terrified to touch him. yet he only insisted, shakily shaking his hand.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he snatched you towards him again, his tight grip on your hand making it ache. you swallowed with nervousness, catching a glimpse of his wide grin underneath his mask. all the more reason to be terrified of dream.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"don't disappoint me."

taglist,

━‎ ‎ ‎@paradigmax ; @pachowpachowbucket ; @acatstalkingyou ; @angelicaschuyler-church ; @saucey-kneecapzz42020 ; @piano-boo ; @i-need-hugs ; @strawbrinkofdeath ; @halloweenpoison13

#dream smp x reader #dream smp x you #dream smp x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt x reader #dream x reader #dream imagine #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot x y/n #various x reader #dream smp #mcyts #( ♡ ) + bones writes #( ♡ ) + seven days

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cunningambitousdetermined · 3 years

Text

Do You Love Me? (I Loved You Part 2: young!Sirius x Reader)

ahhh im so excited to write this! @aseriousfckingmess and @iamninaanna AND @maraudersbitvh asked for this and i was so happy bc i had so so many ideas and even more feelings. thank you to everyone who read my last two things i’ve written, i feel so so lucky and so happy. and thank you to those who spurred my ideas for a part 2! thank you thank you thank you.

this is the second part to I Loved You which i wrote for @vogueweasley‘s challenge. so here it goes:

warnings: swearing, fluff, some angst, walburga being a butthole

not my gif

“Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?” With that she turned on your heel and ran out of the dorm. Sirius stood and watched as you got smaller and smaller and with step she took, his anger ebbed a little. And then she was gone, leaving behind the boy who loved her.

“Mate,” Remus’s voice was cool and collected but the undertone of fury shook Sirius out of his stupor. “What the actual fuck did you do?” Remus swore often- he was always tripping over his long limbs, mumbling curses under his breath- but this, this, was calm fury. His jaw was wound tight and his eyes bore through Sirius.

“Moony, I- I- What?” Sirius whispered, his voice sounded like the sad ending chord of a symphony as it moved and filled and soared through the space between them. “I- I- She hates me?” The realization rocked Sirius so hard, he found his knees skidding the rough carpet of the floor, Y/N’s words filled every inch of his head, spilling out his ears, mouth, his nose. “She hates me.” The only person who had ever seen past the arrogant smirk, the only person who had ever wiped his tears, whispered his fears away. The only person who had ever loved him, was gone. Gone.

Remus needed to sit down. His whole body was buzzing with anger at Sirius. How could he hurt her? Why would he hurt her? It didn’t matter though. All that mattered was how sad Y/N looked, how tired and then how angry she had become. That wasn’t the kind, soft, funny, Y/N he knew. This was hurt, and betrayed and broken. He went to move the lumps in Y/N’s pillow aside when his hand brushed against paper. Remus dug his hand down farther underneath the sheet and grasped the paper. It was a letter and a stack of small papers, crumpled and wet with tears. He glanced down at Sirius, in his current shocked state and began to read.

Sirius shook the tears from his eyes and turned to find Moony reading some papers on Y/N’s bed. Y/N’s bed. The one he’d used to sleep in. The one that he used to whisper the love of his life to sleep in. His mind was filled with thoughts, memories, and ocean of words and kisses and hugs.

“YOU ARSE!” a screech shattered the rose tinted memories, Remus was up and towering over Sirius. “YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD! I TRUSTED YOU! I TRUSTED YOU NOT TO HURT HER! YOU PROMISED! HOW COULD YOU?! SHE WAS NOTHING BUT GOOD AND KIND AND WONDERFUL TO YOU! SHE GAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU AND YOU BROKE HER! YOU BROKE HER!” Remus’s hands were shaking in an effort not to hit Sirius, he didn’t know the boy in front of him. It was occurring to him that maybe he never did. “YOU DON’T DESERVE HER AND YOU NEVER WILL!” He tossed the letters at Sirius’s face and with a turn Remus stormed out of the room and once again Sirius was walked away from, by the people who loved him most.

Y/N was racing around the castle, trying not to break. She just needed to find a place. She paced past the stairwell to the Gryffindor Tower and stalled. She had taken those stairs and cuddled in his bed. She had kissed him awake and kissed him goodnight there. The memories came in waves, flowing down the stairs, kisses and hugs, fights and making up, crying and laughing until their stomachs hurt. Barefoot, racing toward the common room, collapsing on the couch, reading out loud. His smile, his eyes. His laugh, his cry, his nose all the way down to his toes. She knew it all.

“Y/N?” a soft voice inquired, large hands placed on her shoulders, the soft smell of chocolate wafted through her nose. Remus.

She slowly turned around and was met by her best friends eyes drowned in worry. She croaked, “Did you know Rem? Did you know?” Her eyes filled with tears once more and she turned away, embarrassed.

“No.” Remus slid his fingers under her chin, tilting her face up to meet his eyes. “No, no no. I never knew. I never thought he could even...” Remus trailed off as the tears spilled down her cheeks, “Come with me, love.” He then tucked Y/N under his arm and started to walk. She dug her face into his neck and smiled softly as she felt his hand encircle her own with a soft squeeze. Right now she just needed her best friend, who had always been there no matter what. And somehow he always just knew what she needed. As they entered Remus’s dorm and he threw her some comfy clothes and a book, she thanked him internally. Thanked whatever higher being there was that she had ended up with the best friend in the entire world. Her heart felt a little bit light as she snuggled into his side and he began to read aloud as he had done so many times before.

“Rem?” she questioned, turning her gaze to his soft green eyes.

“Yes?” his soft smile gave her made tears fill her eyes in gratitude.

“Thank you,”

“What for, darling?” Remus let his hands card softly through her hair as she looked away.

“Everything.” That word held so much meaning for them. Everything meant all the full moons, all the hard days and the good ones. All the sad moments and all the happy ones, all the time they had just been there. The quiet moments of just reading and the loud ones filled with laughter and joy. Everything just meant Remus existing. Thank you, she said, thank you for it all.

Sirius would watch them from afar. His heart would ache as he hid around the corners as Remus and Y/N would walk to class. He would turn in his bed to hold her only to grab at cold sheets, to tell her a joke but she wasn’t there. To ask her if she really thought he was enough even if his family didn’t. If she didn’t think he was an awful person. Before, she would have held him and with words so soft, she would’ve told him how much she loved him and that he was real, human and it was okay to feel. But now, he was an awful person. Remus wouldn’t talk to him, Y/N wouldn’t look at him, and he was tired.

He didn’t sleep anymore. All he could do was lay awake in hope of never falling into the dreams where Y/N would yell at him. Would curse him, spit at him. It was all his fault that she was gone. His fault that she couldn’t meet his eye. His fault that she hated him. Even drowning in these thoughts, he felt a confusion. What had he done?

Sirius was sitting by the dying embers of the fire one night when footsteps echoed from behind him. “Sirius?” James’s groggy voice called, “What’s going on?” He didn’t answer. The footsteps got closer until James was next to him, sitting down. “Pads?” his voice had softened to one of worry, “Hey, tell me what’s up?”

“I can’t sleep James,” Sirius’s voice sounded like broken glass, the echo of happiness all but lost, “I love her. And I don’t even know what I did, but she’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone. I love her. She was the only thing that mattered. I lost it all. I lost my family, my mom, my dad, my brother. My cousins. But I had her. And you guys but, with her... it was different.” James put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder and Sirius collapsed into James’s side. “She got it. And she was all I had. All that kept me good inside. The glue that held me together. SHE’S GONE!” and it went like that, Sirius sobbing into James, repeating how he didn’t know what he did, he loved her, he did. James just held him, his broken best friend as he cried for the girl he had lost. And James cried. He cried for his best friend who had been hurt so much and lost it all. He cried for the girl he once knew. But when his tears ran out and Sirius drifted off to let sleep’s greedy claws take him, he had an epiphany. Whether or not they liked it, Sirius and Y/N would forever be each others catalysts. The only way to balance was together. Apart, they would just keep on falling.

James found a sense of resolve as he walked over to where Remus and Y/N lay under a tree, reading.

“James...” Remus acknowledged him with caution, but James wasn’t done.

“Remus, can I speak to you?” he asked, motioning to a spot not far off from the tree, “It won’t be long.” Remus glanced down at Y/N who offered James a tentative smile and wave.

“Go on, Rem.” She said, “I’ll be fine.” With one last suspicious look, Remus got up and followed James to the shaded area where James leaned against the cool stone wall.

“Jam-” Remus began, but James was faster.

“Just let me say something.” James needed to know, “I just have to know. What happened?”

“Sirius didn’t tell you?” The bite in Remus’s voice made James flinch and he saw Remus’s face soften to apology.

“No. He hasn’t slept, he lost it last night. Just blubbering about love and how he just didn’t know what he did!” James cried, “What did he do?”

“Tonight.” Remus’s face hardened now, “Room of Requirement, and bring Sirius. We need to have a little chat.” He then whipped around and resumed his position with Y/N, placing a brotherly kiss to the top of her head. Remus gave James a look which he took as a sign to leave. Sighing, he trudged off, hoping that Sirius wasn’t going to end up in the hospital wing tonight.

Remus paced impatiently in the seventh floor corridor as he waited for is roommates to show up. Just as he was about to go drag them from wherever they had gotten themselves sidetracked, James rounded the corner, dragging Sirius behind him. James stopped in front of Remus and shoved Sirius forward. He looked up and Remus’s heart clenched. His eyes were sunken deep and his eyes held a pain so deep he had to look away. He closed his eyes and heard the familiar scratching of the wall becoming the door. Remus couldn’t stomach a glance back at his friends sad face as he pushed the door open. Inside, there were plush couches and loveseats scattered around near a small fireplace. Remus took up a position curled into a loveseat and raised an eyebrow in expectation at James and Sirius. They quickly took their spots. James sitting on the floor while Sirius sat stiff backed on the couch. The silence and tension thickened as Remus started Sirius down, his eyes burning through his long tousled locks. James finally had enough, “AHEM.” Sirius’s head shot up, “Remus, please tell us what the bloody hell is going on.” Remus sighed and pulled the stack of well work paper from his pocket. Glancing down and then at Sirius’s hurt face, he let out another tired sigh.

“What happened is that Sirius, our dear friend,” The way he spat the word friend had Sirius flinching and James’s eyes widening. “was using Y/N. To get back at his mother. And, and I quote ‘ It doesn’t hurt that I get sex. I mean I could have any girl but damn, she gave herself to me so fast. Even I didn’t know I was that good. ‘” He let out a hard breath as Sirius’s face still looked painted with confusion.

James had stood up and was towering over Sirius, “YOU DID WHAT?!” he screamed, “YOU TOLD ME SHE WAS DIFFERENT!” Remus was in shock, he had never seen James yell at Sirius before. And he barely ever saw James angry.

Sirius couldn’t even register the things that James was saying. He didn’t write that. No, no he didn’t. He loved her more then anything. She was the only one who cared. She kept him human in his family of monsters. She kept his feet on the ground when his head was in the clouds. He loved her. This was supposed to be the real thing. Like forever, this was it for him. “I didn’t- I would never- Remus-” The shock that she had read those words hit him like a knife to the gut. Remus threw the paper down at him and Sirius scrambled to read them all. Note after note after note saying awful things. Each time he read something he felt the knife twist as he realized she read this. His love. Thought.... he couldn’t even bare to finish the thought. He kept going and going. He knew he didn’t write these, his handwriting was neater then that, crafted to perfection by his mother. But all the things that the notes said; worthless, mudblood, fat, ugly. His Y/N was stunning, took his breath away, blood status didn’t matter. She was worth more then anything this world could offer. She was his world. The notes just kept going, the pile seemed endless. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to puke or go find you and get drunk on your kisses. He could feel Remus and James’s stares on him as he rifled through the papers. Just as he was about to turn away from them and tell his friends that theses weren’t his, a signet caught his eye. The Noble House of Black signet. He yanked the letter out and his eyes frantically scanned the page. His mother’s tone made his stomach churn. It was no wonder she hated him now. He might not be able to get her back, this was quite unforgivable, but he could put her heart at ease. He still loved her. But did she still love him?

“Remus, James; I didn’t write these” His voice came out raspy and shaky from the tears he didn’t even realize were falling down his face, hot waterfalls cascading on the papers. He cleared his throat and continued, “It was Regulus and Walburga. I know it. I love her. I don’t care about her blood status, I never have! She was it for me.” He lowered his head, “I know that I hurt her by putting her in harms way and she might still hate me, but I can try and fix what I’ve broken. I know I don’t deserve her and I never have, but she’s all I have and I need her. I need her to know how I feel. I need her know I love her and I’m sorry.” Sirius was crying harder but his voice was firm. Remus and James exchanged looks that very clearly said He’s telling the truth. Remus sunk to his knees and took Sirius into his arms. “Do you believe me?” Sirius’s voice was cracked and tired.

Remus tugged him closer letting Sirius’s tears soak through his sweater, “Yeah, yeah I do believe you. I’m sorry that I yelled at you, I didn’t even think.... but it all makes so much sense. She told me Regulus gave her the letters, and I mean Reg is a nice enough kid on his own but something seemed off. You’re my best friend and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry. But if you ever really hurt her...” Sirius made a noise somewhere between a sob and a chuckle.

“I know, I know... you did the right thing. If I did that, I would murder me too.” The boys laughed and James joined the hug. Sirius gave his smallest but most real smile in the weeks it had been. He had his friends back, now all that was left was her.

Sirius was shaking. Like actually shaking. He stood outside your dorm door as Remus knocked softly. “Y/N?” he called, “Can I come in?”

“Remus? Come on in!” A soft voice floated out the door and he felt his mind go blank, his only thought was to get to her. James tried to shake him but he could only think about his skin on hers. The delicate shape of her hips and the small curve of her smile. His mind spun, would she forgive him? Could she forgive him? With one last glance back, Remus pushed the door open. Sirius froze. There she was. She had never looked more stunning in shorts and a old t-shirt of... his? Yeah, that was his shirt. His heart leapt, she was wearing his shirt.

Y/N was petrified. What was he doing here? Her heart clenched, he looked so soft, and her whole body ached with the effort to run to him. “Siri...?” her voice came out soft and wispy, high and broken. His whole face broke open at the tears in your eyes. Y/N whipped around, furiously wiping at her tears. “Leave.” she croaked, “please.”

Remus let a hand massage her shoulder, “Love, just listen to what he has to say. I would not have brought him here to hurt you, you know that.” She gazed up at her best friend with glassy eyes and scanned his face. His face only held love for her and strangely enough, hope.

She turned away again, letting Remus’s hand fall of her shoulder, “Fine.”

Sirius stepped forward and took a breath. This was it. There was no going back or do overs anymore. “Y/N, I love you.” he began, “And I always will. Those notes, they weren’t from me. Regulus wrote them after he told Walburga about us. He must’ve seen you sneaking in or with me in the yard. They took you away from me to hurt me. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I’m sorry for making you a target. But none of that bullshit if true. I love you and you are perfect. You are my whole entire world. You are my oxygen and I’m struggling to breathe right now. I love you so much and I know I don’t deserve you or your forgiveness but I need to know. Do you love me?”

Y/N was shocked. It all made sense, the notes, Regulus. The tears pooled in her eyes slipped out and she sobbed, hands clasped over her mouth. She had missed him so much and here he was in all his glory, with his long hair and his grey eyes, asking her if she loved him. She did, there was nothing to ask.

“Y/N?” Sirius whispered and she realized she had been silent for much to long.

“Of course I love you, you arsehole!” That was all it took to break Sirius and he was running at her and sweeping her up into his arms. Her breath fanned over his neck and he pulled back to gaze at the face he had been missing so much. The soul that completed him.

“Do you forgive me?” he whispered as he inched closer to her lips.

She closed the gap, pressing her lips against his and his heart had never felt lighter. She pulled away softly and Sirius panted as he laughed at the sheer happiness of it all. “There’s nothing to forgive baby.” She breathed against his lips and went back to kissing him. He kissed her neck and her cheeks muttering all the things he loved about her between kisses. James and Remus shared a disgusted but happy look as they slipped out the room.

“I love you Sirius Black and don’t you ever forget it.”

wow sorry the ending was rushed and idk but it’s done! thank you guys so much for reading this ahhhh im so happy that you guys liked it enough for a part 2! i love you guys!

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smokahuntis · 3 years

Text

Weightless

Nothing Personal

Pairing: Javier peña x reader

Warnings: set last name, cursing, mentions of sex and death. Masterbation, night mares.

Summery: he embassy calls in a new agent to assist agents Peña and Murphy

Authors note: I’m back and I’m going to try and start a series! Based on the album Nothing Personal by All Time Low. This would be chapter one.

Word count: 3.4K

Manage me, I’m a mess

“Agent (y/n) Carter” the ambassador said as she gave them the files “she will be joining, this is everything you need to know in her and she will be here later today.

Javier nodded as he picked up the file “of course, madam ambassador” he stood with a crooked grin and looked her over “and may I say, you look amazing in pink” he said softly and kindly. Steve just rolled his eyes and walked towards the door.

“Keep dreaming Peña” she shook her head and let them leave to review the file.

Turn a page, I’m a book half unread

“Agent Carter ” Javier handed Steve the file. “ ‘DEA’s finest’” he mocked and lit up his cigarette as he set back. Letting the smoke fill his lungs as he took a long drag of his Colombian cigarette. He watched Steve waiting for his opinion.

Steve only chuckled and set the papers down “I went to academy with her...” he said, javiers eyes lit up before he shook his head

“I didn’t mean-“

“We aren’t friends it okay” Steve chuckled.

I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because

“Oh- okay... okay...” pena leaned back again as the smoke clouded the humid air around them.

“She was always an overachiever, no one really liked her in my class” he chuckled and put the file away. “Way to smart to be choosing dea, but there she was. Didnt talk to anyone, didn’t let anyone talk to her.” He shrugged “I’d be surprised if she talked to us”

I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

“So beware shes a bitch?” Javier chuckled and put his cigarette out

“Yep” Steve got up and grabbed his empty coffee cup. “Want a coffee?”

“Not from here...” he shook his head and got up.

“You know back home I always chose Colombian brew coffee, and now I’m in colombia and I don’t see why I thought it was good” Steve chuckled as they walked together to get a drink at the coffee place across the street.

“I’ve spend out money on more valuable things then coffee machines that aren’t from the 60s and beans that aren’t 2 years old” Javier joked and shook his head as they strutted the halls. They were such a duo, splitting them into a trio is a sin, but they’d have to get used to it.

Well I’m stuck in this fucking rut

Meanwhile back in LAX (y/n)’s brother tried to convince her it wasn’t worth it. “Colombia is dangerous right now, you could get killed- or- or worse!” Thomas said following her.

“What’s worse then dying?” She watched him with a bit of a cocky grin.

“You could end up like- like Kiki” he said without thinking before she grabbed her brothers collar roughly.

“You don’t say a damn word about Kiki... plus” she let him go and wiped her Dainty hand on her white button up. “After what the US did to the Sinaloa I think I’m safe from that” she sighed and kept walking.

“(Y/n) listen- please... I can’t loose my sister, not to- Pablo Escobar” he grabbed her hand. She turned and looked at him with upset eyes. “You’re all I have left...” he whispered

Waiting on a second-Hand pick-me-up

It was true, she was all he had left, dad was away over seas and mom was gone. Their oldest brother died years ago, it was just her and Thomas. But they were both adults now, she could do what she wanted, and she had been. But now she was a little worried for Thomas.

“I’ll call, and I’ll visit when I can, just go home Thomas... I’ll be okay” she said looking at him, before the warning for her flight went off, 10 minutes now. “I love you, I have to go” she hugged her younger brother before she left.

I’m getting over getting older

(Y/n) looked over her files on the plane, she knew it was a matter of time before escobar knew who she was so she didn’t hide it. She didn’t care, she knew he was almost untouchable. Almost.

(Y/n) had been all over for the DEA, her most frequented place however was Mexico. She worked in Mexico for a long time, she was young and stupid and she kinda thought it was the DEA’s way of getting rid of waste, expecting her to die at the hands of the Sinaloa. However she returned very much alive, and very much tearing open at the seems. She still has nightmares of her time there, but she didn’t care, she had to keep going, for him.

If I could just find the time

Javier set up the stuff in the meeting room before he made his way home for the night. His little two bit apartment given to him by the Embassy. It was nice, he knew that, but it always felt cold and empty, that’s why he filled it with girls, smoke, alcohol smells. It was like a fucking bar. He tried to not bring work home with him but he couldn’t help it most nights, things either bothered him to much or had to be done sooner then later. Some days he wanted to feel weightless, and those days he could escape the heavy burden of people lives depending on him. The ones he couldn’t save, or the ones he’s trying to save. He was trying so hard, but he couldn’t escape.

He needed air, that’s what it was. Right now when he felt his chest collapse on him, he needed aid, real air. So he was quick to make his way out the door and to the front steps of the apartment building, he almost didn’t see her. The (h/c) girl standing there at the steps with her bags. He almost took her out, but he stopped in time.

“I’m- im sorry uh- can I help you?” He asked clearing his throat as he looked at her. She pulled her hood off and looked up at him holding her bags close to her

Then I would never let another day go by

“This is the embassy apartments right?” She asked with a soft shivering smile. He was quick to answer, maybe to quick.

“Yea! Yea this is- this is them yea... you’re-“ he started but she cut him off.

“(Y/n) Carter, yes- hi- um- sorry I didn’t mean to cut you off I’m just tired and cold and really want to get inside. He nodded understanding, completely forgotting why he came out here as he looked into her eyes, illuminated by the yellow street lights behind him.

“I’ll show you to your apartment” he smiled and took her in, she was just across the hall from him. Her apartment identical in most ways, however her kitchen was bigger and so was her bathroom.

I’m over getting old

“Thank you, you must be Agent Peña” she smiled as he got the key from the leafy palm in the corner, unlocking her door for her.

“That I am” he smiled and helped with her bags. If he was going to be stuck with her he wanted to be nice. He didn’t want another agent, him and Steve were doing just on their own, but the embasssy expected things to be done instantly, but they are putting to many cooks in the kitchen.

“Thank you for helping, you didn’t need to” she smiled and set her bags down on the bed and looked at him.

“Of course” he smiled and set her things down with the rest. “So, we’re you invited or did you request to be transferred”

Maybe it’s not my weekend

(Y/n) looked at him and pushed hair behind her ears and shook her head. “I requested it actually, I requested it months ago really but-“

“Why would you want to be here? You know what’s happening-“

“That’s exactly why I want to be here” she stood straighter and looked at him. “You need all the help you can get it seems- and I understand if you don’t want me here because I’m a women”

“No! No no- no that isn’t it I promise” he said feeling a bit of his earlier panic come back, but it was only a little. “I don’t care you’re a women I’ve seen your file you’ve done amazing things but we were doing just fine without you...” Javier said looking at her, his hand up in defense.

“Then why did the embassy want me here ASAP?” She asked crossing her arms.

“Because they think we are stupid or something... they expect things done instantly and it’s impossible.” He explained. She nodded and sighed

“I understand that feeling. But I’m here to help... I promise” she looked at him as the moon light filtered threw her window

But it’s gonna be my year

He nodded and sighed “I’ll just let you get some sleep, I’ll see you at the office” he walked out of her room, giving her one last look as he smiled “goodnight Agent Carter” he walked out to his apartment again.

(Y/n) sighed and unpacked all she could tonight and took a few melatonin and went to sleep, trying to get on the schedule.

It wasn’t hard for her to get up in the morning, making her own coffee and getting ready early. She wanted to be there before them so she could go over things and get caught up. So getting ready quickly she tied her hair up in a tight ponytail and made her way to the office. She was always on time or early, wanting to get ahead of things or finish work so she didn’t have to bring things home.

I’m so sick of watching all the minutes pass as I go nowhere

Javier however, couldnt manage to get himself out of sleep. Stuck in a long nightmare that has his body aching and sweating to wake up but he was stuck there, in that spot in the sticky cotton sheets. He tossed and turned but al he could see was the blood, every scene he’d been to, it took a toll on him. He couldn’t help it anymore, couldn’t hold them back, couldn’t stay up and drink a shit ton of coffee and just keep going.

He was hurting himself even more trying to ignore it. He was lost in a sea of sound, until finally he woke up, alone and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“Fuck....” he shook his head and got out of bed, throwing his things in the wash before he got in the shower. He felt so exhausted from sleeping, that’s not right. He hated this constant feeling, it was so much. He couldn’t even escape at home. Seemed the only time he felt fine was when he was baring himself inside a women of the night and telling her how perfect she was, only to wake up alone and try to relive that moment in the shower by himself.

This is my reaction to everything I fear

It was no secret, Javier Peña was a ladies man. To get in the head of the cartel he slept with the same women as the cartel, did it work? Yes occasionally. But it wasn’t that anymore, it wasn’t just work, it was a form of escape now. Was he a sex addict? Yes, most definitely. Did he care? No, because it was release in more ways then one and that’s all he wanted.

He did have a talent tho, remembering every name, every face. Every women. He was a talented man. But right now that didn’t matter, what mattered to him in this moment was making himself feel weightless as hot water ran down his body. He was alone last night, after showing (y/n) her apartment he went home and to bed. So he had nothing to relieve, no face to see when he closed his eyes. Oh... how he was wrong.

Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t wanna waste another minute here

There she was, the beauty he met last night. (Y/n) carter. Why was she what he thought about right now? He just met her. She was his partner and he’d only see her face and hands, that’s not even enough for a weirdo to get off. But it was enough for him to wrap his hand around his throbbing cock and leaning his head back as he stroked himself.

His chest heaving and his eyes rolling back as he pumped his fat cock in his hand. Soft grunts escaped his mouth before the words left it “(y/n)... fuck...” he groaned.

He didn’t even know the girl and he was getting off in his shower to her.

This could be all that I’ve waited for

He didn’t know why he felt like this, but in his mind he had her on her knees, her lips wrapped around his tip as she took him down her little throat, just that image made him let out a loud moan. Soon his balls tightened and he was coming all over her face, and down the drain.

He shook his head as he opened his eyes and looked at the mess he made. Causing him to sigh heavily and clean up before he got dressed and ready, trying to get the idea out of his head. It was his first day with her, and he wanted to fuck her. Wow.

This could be everything I don’t wanna dream anymore

When he got there she was already liking over things, remembering faces and writing in her notebook. She looked peaceful there, just staring at a cork-board of killers and drug lords. He could tell quickly this is her environment.

“Hey” he said setting down his coffee and taking off his brown leather jacket. She turned with an other bright smiled and looked at him, her smile lit of the room and made his chest feel tight, but not like his panic the night before, this was warm and different.

“Hey” she said in her silk tone as she set her note book down. “ I hope you don’t mind I’m taking my own notes.”

“Not at all, whatever makes you comfortable” he smiled at her softly. At that moment Steve walked in with his own coffee and pen. He was way to quick to notice the look in javiers eyes, the interest he had in her.

“Thanks” she smiled before looking at Steve “Steve Murphy, wow... hi” she smiled and shook his hand.

“Hey Carter, it’s been awhile” he chuckled and shook her hand

“It’s been more then awhile” she smiled and looked up at him

Maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year.

“Well it’s good to know we have a good agent on our team” he smiled. “So what are you working on”

“Just taking my own notes so I can memorize things faster and get caught up” she smiled at them.

“Oh did you color coat them too?” He asked a little to condescending. She sighed and caught on quickly but went on.

“No I did not. I’m not a preppy teenager.” She stated simply before walking back to take notes.

“While you do that we are going to go do real things okay?” He grabbed his coffe and walked out with Javier. (Y/n) was pretty used to sexist comments or people thinking she couldn’t do things so she brushed it off, however Javier didn’t.

I’m going crazy, I’m stuck in here

“What the hell was that?!” Javjer looked at Steve and closed the door as they got into their little office.

“What was what?” Steve asked and set his things down.

“You being an asshole to her, what did she do to you?” Javier said taking up for her.

“I don’t know Javier what’s up with you? Staring at her like you’re guess engagement ring sizes!” Steve argued, they argued way to often. Like a married couple really.

“I was not!” Javier scoffed “I can’t be nice to my new coworker?”

“Just yesterday you were dreading her! And now you have heart eyes all over her” Steve said

Maybe it’s not my weekend but it’s gonna be my year

“I don’t have heart eyes, I’m just looking at her, damn” he sat down and opened his earliest files and started work.

“I’m sure” Steve shook his head before starting to work.

Soon (y/n) made her way to the office and walked in and almost fell over with a heart attack “my god, how do you work in such mess” she asked looking around.

“Mess? I think it’s pretty clean” Steve said looking around

“The only clean place here is my desk and it’s still covered in papers. “ she looked at him and set her things down.

“ okay I’ll admit, it’s a bit messy, but we know whether everything is” he leaned back. Just as he said that, Peña who wasn’t paying attention spoke up.

“I can’t find that file from yesterday” he sighed, giving (y/n) the perfect example.

“See!” She looked at Steve.

“Okay fine, we could organize...” he sighed.

I’m so sick of watching am three minutes pass as I go nowhere

After hours of cleaning the office was organized and they found things much easier, so much quicker and efficient. So much so that Javier could ask

“Okay now I need the First Medellin file” he said softly and it was quickly put on his desk.

“See that’s not bad...” (y/n) smiled softly and looked between them.

“But we just wasted so much time doing that” Steve said

“But we are going to save so much more now that it’s organized” she crossed her arms. She was right, organizing the office was the best decision they’d made all year, it helped get things done faster and cleared their minds.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear.

It was a small thing, to organize the office, but when Javier got home he decided to clean the apartment too, washing the bed sheets and making everything up after. Cooking a meal instead of ordering. Just have a day of cleaning up and doing normal people things, it made him sleep better already. The nightmares had calmed down and everything was fine. He was peaceful for a moment, a minute, a few seconds. And then there it was, the scream that made (y/n) drop everything and go to his apartment, he left the door unlocked so it was easy for her to get in and get to his bed side instantly.

“Javier!” She said grabbing his shoulders and shaking him awake. He was starting to sweat again, just as she grabbed him, her touch alone calmed down the terror of his mind, causing him to wake.

“(Y/n)...” he whispered tiredly as he looked at her, she was in a robe, her hair wrapped loosely in a towel.

“Hey buddy” she smiled softly, trying to comfort him in anyway. She didn’t know anything about him but she wanted to try her best to make him feel better, to make him feel weightless.

“What are you doing here...” he asked laying back. She pushed his hair out of his face and massaged his scalp softly as she spoke.

“You screamed and I came as soon as I could... I thought something happened” she answered and watched him, he was gorgeous here, with the moon light covering his glistening chest, highlighting his face and messy hair.

“I’m sorry- I- I didn’t mean too” he said as he sighed.

“It’s okay... I understand... I used to do the same thing after Mexico” she admitted. They barely knew a damn thing but they both felt comfortable with each other.

“How did you get it to stop...” he asked

“Well I did go to therapy but it never seemed to help, so I did what I did as a kid, I get something to read and read till I can’t keep my eyes open, it makes your mind think on the topics of the book rather then the other mess...” she whispered and pulled his covers back over him. He nodded and smiled “I could read to you tonight if you want...”

“You don’t have to do that”

“I don’t mind... get comfy I’ll find something...” she smiled and went to get a book. His eyes trailed her long legs as she walked out to get a book, why did he feel so open and comfortable with her, he just met her.

Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t wanna waste a minute here

Taglist: @thinemineours @morgannope @thisis-theway @onabouteverything @blxwjobsforclones @a-dorin @everythinggeeky

This will be a series I hope, so if you want to be tagged in this or more Javier peña stuff please let me know!

#javier peña #Javier peña #Pedro pascal #Javier peña x reader #Javier peña smut #Steve Murphy #narcos #narcos smut #narcos series #Javier peña series #nothing Personal serious

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rekrappeter · 4 years

Text

illicit affairs [7]

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader || topper thornton x fem!reader

warnings: emotional abuse, mention of cheating, cursing, violence, physical fight, mention of blood, kissing

summary: the last thing you expected entering an anonymous chat room was to be connected with a man from the same island. nevermind, building a proper bond with them through late-night messages, not knowing who or what they were. you told them everything, you leaned on them in times of need. it was a secret you held tightly, even from your boyfriend, Topper. But what happens when you find out the stranger you’ve fallen in love with is the man that despises you for being a kook, the one and only JJ Maybank?

notes: thank you all for the lovely comments on previous parts. I hope you like this one just as much, let me what you think! if you want to be tagged, please send me an ask as I might lose it if it’s a comment. Thank you :) y’all can thank @rafecameron for me taking it easy on topper !! yes im using a kissing booth gif, apologies

this is also dedicated to my love @diverdcwn

part six || series masterlist || part eight

It became routine after that night. JJ would knock on your window at eleven p.m, bringing different types of snacks and drinks. He’d stumble over your furniture, you’d stiffen the laughs that wanted to escape and he’d get comfortable on your bed, snuggling into you. You were sure to keep quiet but he never failed making you shush him in fear that your mother would hear his loud obnoxious laugh. Your bedroom was your safe haven, it was the space you shared solemnly with JJ. You avoided him in public, and he would ignore you, pretending that he didn’t just leave your embrace hours beforehand. It was better this way, for the time being.

On Wednesday night, he came right on time, carrying goldfish and caramel chocolate bars in his backpack. You got to pick the movie for the night, knowing that neither one of you would be paying attention to it instead updating each other on your antics of the day. You opted for Clueless, a movie that could play in the background but what you didn’t expect was for JJ to become totally engrossed to it.

‘Have you never seen this?’ you chuckled, popping a goldfish into your mouth.

JJ shook his head, ‘I-I just, aren’t they step siblings? They can hardly date each other..’ his face turned to a grimace and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. He turned to look at you, smiling softly and rolling his eyes. ‘Stop that.’

‘Stop what?’ you asked, twisting your body to look at him.

‘Stop giggling, it’s cute,’ he replied, a blush sketching across his cheeks.

‘Stop making me giggle then,’ you retorted.

JJ bit his bottom lip, moving the packet of crisps that separated your body and moved in closer to you. His hand trailed along your hip, your crop top riding up slightly. Your eyes fluttered closed at the sensation of his fingers brushing your bare skin, and your stomach felt like it was twisting in on itself. ‘Have you spoke to Topper yet?’ JJ’s voice was small and soft, almost as if he was afraid to ask the question.

‘No, not yet, but I’m meeting him Friday night,’ you said, opening your eyes to look at him. His face was closer, you could feel his breath fawning over your lips and you wanted nothing more than to close the gap between you but you refrain yourself from doing so. That’s the thing about this; you and JJ were friends, slowly turning to becoming each other’s best friend. The last week has been nothing short of amazing, creating that connection that you once established online. There was no doubt you were in love with him.

‘Are you meeting him at the boneyard?’ he asked, circling his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. You rested your head on his chest, letting him cuddle into you.

‘Yeah, is that okay? I know you’ll be there.’

‘It’s fine, don’t let me stop you from meeting your boyfriend,’ JJ chuckled, you knew he was trying to play it off as if it didn’t matter and deep down, it did to him. He wanted to be the one showing you off, bringing you to parties. He wanted to be the one kissing you goodnight and goodmorning, he was the one that was always there anyway.

You pushed away from him, hovering over him. ‘You know it’s not like, Jay.’

He forced a smile, brushing some of your hair behind your ear. ‘I’m teasing, I know what I signed up for. Now c’mere.’ He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, something that you would never had associated with JJ before; being gentle, being sweet. The man that lay beside you each night was a person that you thought you knew for a long time, but you had yet to figure him out until the last couple of weeks.

‘You know, he’s not my boyfriend, right?’ you muttered, laying on your back, your arm brushing against his. He raised his right hand in the air, yours following his movements and tangled your fingers in his.

‘But you still care about him, you won’t let me kiss you.’

‘Friends don’t kiss, JJ,’ you hummed, brushing his fingers. ‘We’re just friends.’

JJ chuckled softly, glancing at you for a split second with a smirk on his face, ‘Yeah, okay.’ You laughed along with him, shaking your head.

‘What’s that suppose to me?’ you muttered when you laughs died down. JJ clasped his larger fingers over yours, bringing your hand to his lips and peppered kisses on your skin.

‘I love my friends, but I don’t love them like I do you,’ JJ whispered, his heart hammering against his chest as the confession left his tongue. He was nervous, opening up to you about you. He was so used to pushing his other baggage on you; his family history, his friend problems, his worry about the future. But he wanted to talk about the thing that was bothering him the most, that thing being you and his feelings towards you.

You were at lost for words, never thinking you’d hear JJ admit that he was in love with you. It’s so easy to fall in love online, you create this picture perfect persona for the person you’re talking to and when you meet them in real life, you always expected that picture to burn away, being replaced with reality. But the time you’ve spent with JJ has been special, you looked forward to seeing him and you giggled and blushed a lot. You felt like a teenage girl again, sneaking around and this time you weren’t going to beat around the bush.

‘You love me?’ you whispered, turning your body to face him.

JJ licked his lips, swallowing back any hesitation before nodding, ‘I do, I do love you.’

A smile tugged on your lips, ‘I’m in love with you.’

Having you say those words to him, JJ felt like he was on top of the world. His heart was soaring high, his stomach flipping and his palms sweating. He ran his hand up your body to cup your face, feeling you sucking in a deep breath, he brought you closer, resting his forehead on yours. You breathed in each other’s scent, eyes closed and this was the most intimate it was going to get because he knew you didn’t want your first kiss to be riddled with guilt and shame. He knew he’d have to wait.

You had a skip in your step the whole next day, a wide smile plastered on your face as you interacted with other people despite the blue eyed boy being on your mind twenty four seven. It wasn’t until you crossed paths with your mother minutes before you were about to walk out your front door and make your way to the boneyard. The moment she spotted your smile, her eyes gazed down at your outfit and it was like a mask covered her face in a split second.

‘Where do you think you’re going dressed like that?’ she asked. You suppressed the urge to roll your eyes at her words, pulling at the thread of your jean shorts; your outfit was nothing short of what every other person would wear on the island.

‘I’m meeting Topper at the beach,’ you simply replied.

‘So he forgave you?’ your mother chuckled drily, taking a sip of the wine glass, ‘I hope you realise how lucky you are.’

Shuffling on the pristine carpet, you looked between her and the mirror in front of you in the hallway, noting the little similarities that you shared with her. You heaved out a sigh, running your hand over your face. ‘I’m not asking him to forgive me tonight, I’m ending it completely.’

The heavy silence settled. You watched as she ran her tongue along her pearl white teeth, her lips smacking together. Her lips looked like they wanted to twitch into a smile, but it was a smile of disappointment and disbelief. ‘I-I don’t know what to do with you anymore.’

‘You don’t have to do anything with me, I’m twenty years old now.’

‘Oh, because you’re twenty, you don’t need me anymore,’ she nodded her head slowly, as if she was coming to terms with something life changing. She walked towards you, her pink fluffy slippers dragging along the carpet.

‘I-i don’t think I ever really needed you,’ your voice was miles apart from your brain. You stumbled back as she walked towards you, closing the gap. Her eyes were full of amusement, but fiery lightning behind them at your words. You could see her knuckles getting paler as she grasped the wine glass. ‘You never did anything good for me.’

‘Good for you? Look around, look at where you’re living! I did all this, for you. For you to live a good life.’

‘No, mother! You did all this for you! You never cared about me!’ you shouted at her, watching her take a step back at your raised voice. ‘You put me down everyday! You belittle me! You make me feel like everything I do is wrong!’

‘Because it is!’ She screamed, suddenly raising her arm and throwing the glass in your direction. You jumped out of the way, letting the glass break into a million pieces against the wall, the red wine painting the cream wallpaper. Your heart hammered against your chest, staring wide eyed at your mother. ‘You have never done anything right!’ The tears were streaming down her face, the anger simmering over.

‘You never gave me a chance, you watched me like a hawk. Every mistake I made, you judged. You never let me be a kid, or a teenager, I was under lock and key ever since father-’ your voice broke, your eyes watering over.

‘You say I kept you under lock and key but look at you, y/n. If I had any control over you, you would be in college, aiming for a good life but you’re throwing it away. You’re nothing but a disgrace to this family, to me, to your father.’ She turned on her heels, her voice echoing in your ears as you sobbed uncontrollably. Your cries were whimpers, barely a sound passing your lips. The house was closing in, suffocating you to the point that you stumbled out of it, making sure to slam the door as loud as you could.

Climbing into your jeep, you made a beeline towards the boneyard. You only wanted one person. You longed to be wrapped in his arms, to have his warmth and scent comforting you. You swerved on the road multiple times, slamming on your breaks when you pulled into the parking lot half a mile from where people were gathering. You didn’t want to cause a scene, you just wanted JJ to wrap his arms around you and tell you everything was going to be okay.

As you walked down the walkway, the fresh air from the sea washed over you. Your numbing mind waking up, making you aware of what was going on. You were unconsciously walking towards the group of pogues that were gathered around the keg. You halted in your step, feeling the breath being knocked out of you when JJ noticed your figure there. He stood up straighter, seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. The sky was still bright, welcoming the summer evening, he could see your figure from miles away. JJ stepped around the pogues, making his way over to you in a rush but he paused.

‘Hey, y/n, you made it,’ the voice sent shivers down your spine, turning to face Topper. JJ watched you intently, your eyes still on him, it was like he was waiting. Waiting for you to make a decision. Topper’s arm gripped your forearm, pulling you to the side. You lost sight of JJ when your body spun around, thanks to Topper. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?’

‘It’s nothing, Topper,’ you mumbled, wiping away the tears with the white sweater you threw on.

Topper’s stare switched to the pogue watching the couple, his eyes narrowing slightly. ‘Is this something to do with him?’ he snarled, you turned your head to see JJ, watching him swallow and twist on his heels, walking back to the keg.

‘N-no, Topper, it was my-’ But Topper pushed past you, not letting you explain. You watched him rush towards JJ, knocking him in the back and pushing him to the sand. Topper hovered over him, throwing punches while grabbing his shirt, pulling him from the sand. ‘Topper!’ you screamed, running to the men that were gathering a crowd, chanting.

You tried to jump on Topper, but when he pulled his arm back to punch JJ, his elbow connected to your jaw making you fall back onto your ass. ‘Topper!’ you screamed again, tears free falling from your eyes. ‘Pope, do something!’ you screamed at the only familiar face you could make out from the crowd. You scrambled from the sand, going in for a second attempt of pulling Topper off JJ.

You and Pope both grabbed an arm each, reaving him off the body. Pope held him down, but the blonde underneath him scrambled away on his ass, watching you. Topper watched you glance at him for a split second before your attention was solemnly on JJ, who sat up, spitting blood from his mouth.

‘Hey, hey, are you okay?’ you asked frantically, cupping his face to see how bad the damage was. His eyes were disorientated and fatigued, barely opening but he managed to nod before collapsing to the sand again, trying to catch his breath.

‘I take it you told him,’ JJ mumbled, but from the cringe in your face, he knew he said the wrong thing.

‘Tell me what?’ Topper snapped from behind you, standing now. You swallowed back the lump in your throat, cursing JJ under your breath. You stood up slowly, turning to look at the man you once loved. His face was a mix of emotions, eyes flicking between you and JJ. You reached to grab his hand but he stumbled backwards away from you, ‘What’s going on?’

‘Can we go somewhere private?’ you muttered, glaring at the crowd still around you. Some people looked away and turned their back, but others’ ears perked up and were waiting for you to continue. ‘Don’t make me do it here.’

You followed Topper away from the gathering, down towards the shore. JJ stood from the sand, watching your retreating figure and he wanted nothing more than to be there with you, but he knew you needed to do this yourself. Topper turned to look at you, waiting for you to start your explanation, to give him a bit of insight into what the hell was going on.

‘Topper, just know I didn’t mean for this to happen,’ his eyes screwed close at your words, sucking in a deep breath, ‘and I never did anything. It just happened, we created this connection and-’

‘And you cheated on me?’ he asked, looking at you intently with his eyes glossing.

‘No,’ you urged, ‘N-not physically anyways, I never kissed him.’

‘But you wanted to?’

You nodded slowly, hearing Topper curse and run his hand over his face, as if he was trying to contain some of the hurt he was feeling. ‘Why does this always happen to me? L-like what am I doing wrong?’ Any anger or fear that you were feeling completely disappeared, replaced with guilt and sadness. You didn’t mean to make Topper feel like this, you didn’t know he felt like this at all or that there was a possibility of it.

‘Topper, you are such a great guy..’

‘But?’

‘But I don’t know.. you’re a little intense,’ you mumbled, nibbling on your bottom lip.

‘You cheated on me because I was intense? Because I loved you too much?’ He asked in disbelief, his eyes wide. He paced on the sand, kicking the grains with his sandals.

‘You don’t love me, Topper, you-’

‘Don’t pull that shit, Sarah did the same thing. It became a phenomenon,’ Topper snapped, his fingers gliding through his hair. ‘What’s going on with you and JJ now?’

You looked up at the beach, seeing JJ standing to the side, watching you. You tried to suppress the smile, but you couldn’t. Topper seemed oddly at ease, something you weren’t expecting; maybe it was the break you were on that eased the blow of it. He must have suspected something. ‘We’ve just been hanging out as friends.’

‘A pogue,’ Topper rolled his eyes, and you were about to retaliate until you spotted the smirk resting on his lips. You pushed his arm, and he used this as an opportunity to pull you into a hug, his face nesting into your neck. He tightened his arms around you, squeezing you.

‘I’m sorry, Top,’ you muttered into his ear, wrapping your arms around him.

‘I’m sorry too,’ he replied, pulling back slightly, ‘Maybe you could help me, be my wingwoman sometime.’

You threw your head back laughing but nodded, smiling up at him. ‘Deal.’

You made your way back up the beach, ignoring prying eyes before you went your separate ways, bidding each other goodbye with small smiles. You walked towards JJ who was waiting patiently, two drinks in his hands. He reached one out to you, which you gladly accepted and you sighed, downing it.

‘That seemed to have gone reasonably well,’ JJ mumbled, looking at you over the rim of his own cup.

‘Better than expected,’ you smiled, ‘I’ll be his new wingwoman, find him a good aul pogue.’

‘I have a few friends,’ JJ offered, and you chuckled, ‘you kooks do seem to have a thing for pogues. First Sarah Cameron, now y/n y/l/n.’

‘Who says I have a thing for a pogue?’

JJ threw his cup to the sand, taking yours and tossing it to the ground. He grabbed your hands, pulling you in closer. You giggled at the impact of his chest against yours, tilting your head to look up at him. ‘You still love me?’ he asked, his blue eyes staring into yours.

You pretended to think about the answer, making him tickle your side. ‘Aye, stop. Of course I do,’ his heart hammered against his chest again, he won’t ever get used to hearing that you love him. A sly smile landed on his face, and you ran your fingers up his arms, letting him hold you close to him.

‘Where does this leave us then?’ JJ asked softly, fluttering his eyelashes at you. He felt vulnerable in this moment, giving you his heart.

Your fingers brushed his jaw, running them through his hair before they rested at the back of his head. His eyes shut at the sensation, taking a deep breath in. You took this as your opportunity to lean towards him, slowly pressing your lips to his. He was shocked at first, but followed your lead and applied more pressure. Moving your lips against his, he pulled you in closer by the hips and you gripped his hair gently, deepening the kiss.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Text

Fifteen Kisses

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warning: fluffy fluff, implied smut, tiny angst, cussing

word count: 7,054

a/n: a super late birthday to todoroki shouto, the loml. this took forever im so sorry.

Synopsis: Fourteen different kisses you give Shouto, and the one he gives you.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

One.

Shouto smiles as yet another one of his classmates wish him a happy birthday. Today was his eighteenth birthday, and to say the least, it had been a good one so far. Most of his presents had been cute anecdotes of his relationship with everyone in the class. Plus the few gift certificates to his favorite restaurant was a good thing in his eyes.

Not that he had been counting, but he was missing one gift: from you.

He hadn’t seen you all day, only catching your swinging hair as you seemed to avoid him. Now the two of you were close, and you had even stayed up to send him a birthday text at midnight this morning, but now you were avoiding him better than most.

Seeing that his birthday landed on the weekend, he didn’t see you at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Hell, he was sure you hid behind Shoji when singing a happy birthday. To say the least, he was confused and had wanted to spend the day with you. You were one of his closest friends, and it annoyed him that you weren’t around. But it was too late.

Nearing eleven at night, Shouto called it quits on seeing you today.

His hands were shoved into his sweatpants as he climbed up the staircase, his brows furrowed as he wondered just why you weren’t around. Opening the door to his floor, his eyes trailing to the right side of the hall, the ball that held the girl’s dorms.

Loud and boisterous arguing of the girls echoed in the halls, and Shouto watched as you were somehow fighting off all six girls of your class. He stopped in his tracks as he watched you fend off Uraraka’s hands while resisting Tsuyu’s and Jirou’s hold on you. Mina and Hagakure screamed as they tried assisting Uraraka, and Momo was talking loudly in an attempt to stop them all. Shouto’s lips quirked into an amused smirk as he watched your body slam against the floor as you wiggled out of the hole you were in.

“YOU HAVE TO DO IT!” Mina screamed over the loud noises you were all making.

“I WAS JOKING!” You screeched as three pairs of hands grabbed your thrashing legs and began dragging you down the hallway.

“Y/n, you don’t have to— oh! Todoroki-san!” Momo’s eyes widened as

“Hi,” Shouto replies as your torso shoots up from the floor. Your face is flushed from the struggle. Your hair a mess from being dragged on the floor and your eyes are full saucers. “You okay, y/n?”

“Shouto!” You squeak as you stumble onto your feet, your hand immediately scratching the back of your head as you laugh awkwardly. “H-How are you? Um, happy birthday!”

“Thank you,” Shouto smiles as you nod as you laugh loudly again.

“So, see you tomorrow!” You exclaim moving to leave, but the girls are five steps ahead of you.

A present is shoved in your hands, and you’re pushed into Shouto’s chest as the six girls hurry away.

“Don’t let her go until she gives you her gift!” Mina yelled as they disappeared behind the corner. Shouto’s eyes looked down to your face that looked ready to die.

“Um, so you want to come to my room?” Shouto asked you, and to his enjoyment, you agreed.

It didn’t take long for the conversation to flow out from you two, a whole day without a discussion being made up as you entered his room. Your eyes shone with unworldly energy as you sat down on his bed, your arms shooting in animated fashion as you explained a story you had fallen asleep while explaining to him last night.

Shouto crossed his arms as he sat beside you as you finished the story.

“So, what did you get me?” Shouto asked, nodding towards the blue bag in your hands.

“Arrogant much?” You playfully scoff pressing the bag to your chest. “It’s actually a present for me!”

“From yourself?”

“A girls gotta treat herself!” You snark as you giggle, shaking your head, you hand over his gift. “Open it.”

Shouto’s body warms up as he opens the bag and pulls out a bag of his favorite chips, a new outfit, and a handwritten card from you.

“Sorry, it sucks,” you whisper as your eyes glance up at his. “Things are super expensive, and I’m broke!”

His eyebrow quirks as he looks at you, “I love it, thank you for the present y/n.”

A relieved smile spreads on your face as you clasp your hands together.

“Well, I’ll leave you alone now! Goodnight, Shouto, sorry for ignoring you all day!”

Shouto watched as you stood up, your hands flattening your leggings as you smiled.

“Why were you ignoring me? Did I do something? I just… don’t understand why you did that, and then you were fighting with the girls earlier?”

Shouto stood up, his eyes locking on your frantic eyes.

“I lost a bet,” you speak slowly, your head dropping to keep your eyes hidden from his own. “I’m supposed to repay today, but I’ve been a coward.”

“How can I help?” Shouto asked as his arms fold again, “If it’s money, I can give it to you.”

You laugh, shaking your head, but there’s a tremor to your shoulders as you look back up to him.

“Promise you won’t hate me…”

“I could never.”

Shouto watched as your face turned severe, your lower lip trembling with uncertainty, with fear. Concern filled him as he wondered just what exactly he could do to help you, what was the terms to the bet? He hoped it was nothing… serious.

There was something warm and soft pressed against his lips strawberry and vanilla flooded his senses, and everything felt perfect. Shouto couldn’t process what was happening as you pulled away just as quickly.

“Good night! Happy birthday!” You squeaked as you ran into the door before managing to open it and run away.

As the door to his room closed, Shouto’s fingers pressed against his mouth as your kiss seemed to be imprinted into him. A memory he wished he could change now that it was over.

Did that mean… Did you like him?

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Two.

The kiss wasn’t spoken about.

Shouto might as well dreamt it, but he knew it was real on account of the giggling female classmates of his. They seemed to increase in chaotic energy whenever he was around you. Knowing smirks, sparkling eyes, and teasing words. Had it not been for them, he might’ve convinced himself it was fake.

But there was also the fact that you could never seem to look him in the eyes anymore. Shouto was too awkward to talk about it, his words continually failing him when he went to sit next to you. However, even with the subtle change in your relationship, some things didn’t change.

It was one in the morning, and Shouto was wide awake as a knock pressed against his door.

Getting up, Shouto opened the door to see you holding a blanket and a pillow.

The yellow luminescent of the hallway lights seeming entirely too bright as Shouto’s eyes adjusted from the darkroom.

“I can’t sleep,” you whisper, and as he always did, Shouto let you in.

It was something that started this year after the first-semester hero work disaster. You suffered a horrendous villain attack that left civilians dead, and you had to watch. Many nights you stayed awake unable to sleep. Typically going into the shared space until you were tired, until one day at three in the morning when an awoken Shouto needed water and found you staring at the wall with tears in your eyes and eye bags staining your face.

Shouto invited you to sleep in the same room with him that night, and the rest was history.

Slipping into the bed next to you, Shouto stares at you as you breathe in deep. He grabs your hand and places it on his cheek so that your fingers could trace his skin instead of digging into your skin. Your fingers trace his face without saying anything, eyes focused on the tip of his finger rather than him.

“What happened?” Shouto whispers as you draw nameless shapes onto his cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Your head shakes as your thumb shifts to glide over his cheeks. His skin is soft despite all logic, toned, and warm. It soothes you as your finger brushes against his lower lip, and Shouto forgets how to breathe as your steady breathing fans gently across his skin. You take long and slow blinks as you shift closer to him, and Shouto’s heart stops as your eyes finally meet yours.

“I’m sorry for kissing you on your birthday,” you whisper as your thumb traces the line between his lips. Your eyes are apologetic and sad, tired yet awake. “That was my losing bet.”

Shouto’s heart both shrinks and grows at your words, “Sorry for being a horrible kiss,” he teases. “It was my first one…”

Your thumb stops tracing his lips, and your eyes widen in horror, “Fuck, I’m so sorry!” you exclaim as humiliation spreads across your face. “I didn’t know!”

“Well, I’ve never really cared about my first kiss, it’s not something I’d concern myself over,” Shouto calms you as he presses a gentle kiss to your fingers. “While I can’t say this is what I imagined for my first kiss, it wasn’t bad. I’m only sorry that you left right away.”

His chest pounds as the words slip from his lips, what a fucking idiot?! Why did he say that!

Your chuckle is light as your head shakes softly, “Me too.”

“Can I try again?” Shouto whispers his tone full of desire and hesitation. Your thumb resumes it’s tracing on his lips as an embarrassed smile stretches on your face.

He watched silently as your eyes fell to his lips, and Shouto froze as they locked again on his. The fingers tracing his lips moved from his mouth to the bottom of his mouth, kissing him as if he was glass, one second from breaking.

Everyone frets about their first kiss, but Shouto would forever remember his second kiss from you— with you.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Three.

“Shouto, that’s not working!” You howl in laughter as he tries evaporating the pouring rain with his fire.

“We don’t have umbrellas, and your quirk doesn’t work, and the ice was too much work!” Shouto chuckles as he brings you closer to him. “The fire should work!”

“All it’s doing is burning half my face instead of you hold my hand to warm me up!”

Shouto laughs at your complaint as he shifts his jacket more towards you. His school uniform jacket was being used as a makeshift umbrella as the rain was relentless and unforgiving.

The two of you had hero work in some small town and being a few kilometers from the train station, and with nothing but your bodies, you were succumbed by the rain.

“Careful with the puddle!” Shouto shouted as you looked down, but you sorely missed the puddle and water sloshed entirely into your shoe. Your entire foot and sock were soaked to the bone, and you shrieked loudly as your sloshing footsteps to keep up with Shouto was uncomfortable.

“Idiot!”

“You were distracting me with your fire!”

Shouto looks at you with a wide grin, “Come on, there’s that bus stop right there.”

Your eyes locked in with the weathered bus stop, which held dry ground underneath it, nodding, you turned to start running towards there. However, Shouto scooped you off your feet and ran off towards the bus stop.

Face burning with embarrassment, Shouto placed you down underneath the bus stop. The rain was loud as it fell onto the ground and the metal overhead, and you were out of breathe as you stare up at Shouto who’s wet hair plastered against his forehead.

His skin shined in the dull light, and he looked dewy as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Do you want me to dry you?” He asks, his eyes meeting your unsuspecting and laboriously checking out eyes. You stepped back startled as you averted your gaze, your head nods.

“My shoes and socks, please,” you mumble as Shouto smiles fondly.

Your eyes lock on Shouto once more as his left-hand places against your muddied feet. Warmth spreads through your body at his touch, goosebumps rising up as he dried both of your feet before standing up. He was too close to you, your face moving backward as he stood straight.

Despite your now dry legs, the rest of your body remained cold as water dripped from your hair and clothes still. Your gaze fell again on his partially opened lips, they were full, soft, and wet from the rain. They tinted red from the cold, and you wanted nothing more than to press your lips against his.

“Should we wait until the rain clears up?” Shouto whispers as if scared to break this enchantment the two of you had placed yourself under.

“I think so,” you respond as you lift onto your toes and kiss him wholeheartedly.

Your lips glided together, still slick with the rain, and your arms snaked around his neck, drawing him in close as his hands held your waist gently. Tilting heads and open mouth kisses continued, and your chest felt like it was lit on fire as your chests pressed together.

The rain continued to pour down as the two of you continued to kiss.

This marked your tenth kiss with Todoroki Shouto, and both of you were still single.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Four.

“This is the final final exam, and you’re really going to give up?” Shouto asked from across from you.

The two of you sat in your room studying for the English Final.

English was not your favorite subject, the grammar rules were complete bullshit, and when talking with visiting American students, they basically said grammar didn’t matter. So you couldn’t understand why you were here struggling over these rules when English students didn’t even abide by them! How fatuous!

“I just don’t see the purpose of learning grammatically correct English,” you groan as you fall back onto your pillows.

Shouto sighs as he places the cheat sheet on the piles of papers on your bed. There were seven different subjects to prepare for, and so far, the two of you finalized three.

“Come on, y/n,” Shouto sighs as he takes your hands in his, “sit up. Let’s see what’s confusing you.”

“What’s confusing is realizing that I should be rich as fuck, but I’m not,” you pout as you let him pull you into a sitting position.

Your cheeks turn warm as Shouto shifts over to sit right next to you, his knees touching yours as you look at your immaculate study notes. Shouto’s arm pressed into you as he explained the different verb tenses in English and how punctuation was such an important thing. The truth of the matter was you were quite adept in English, it was just a subject that had understood relatively easy after a certain age, but Shouto tutoring you was enough reason to pretend not to have a single clue.

“Do you get when to place the gerunds?” Shouto asked from the side.

“Place it in on action word when I feel like it, or whenever it makes sense,” your respond back with an amused snort.

“I mean… that’s not wrong, but it’s not right,” Shouto responded, shaking his head, and you scoffed, snapping your head towards him.

But Shouto was a lot closer than you had assumed as your cheek and lips dragged across his lips.

Your eyes widened as you shot away, the two of you had promised each other many kisses ago you had to stop until a relationship was defined. But with growing tensions in the villain world, neither one of you wanted to set your feelings in fear that it would be for naught.

Still, there was something magnetic and undeniable about him and you, and as the seconds in time seemed to pass for eternity, a crashing force compelled the two of you to meet in the middle. Your hands rested on his chest as he grabbed your chin. Heads tilting to the side to allow a deeper angle as your lips danced as only lovers knew. The sounds of your joining and separating lips made your head spin as you pulled away, cheeks burning as his eyes fluttered open.

“We should get back to studying,” you whisper as Shouto clears his throat, agreeing.

“So, adding the -ing…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Five.

Your fingers trembled as you pulled on your hero costume.

You were so nervous. You’ve been fighting villains since your first year, but this was different; this was preparation for war that would end with death. Your steps where fast and your breath was quick, short, frantic as you walked out ready to meet up with your classmates.

Tomorrow was to be your graduation and yet here you were, unexcited for what the following day would bring.

“Y/n,” Shouto’s voice called for you, and your eyes focused on the man who held your heart and admiration.

Still, your relationship went undefined, and who knew if either one of you would be here in the next twenty-four hours.

“Shouto,” you smiled as the world seemed to blur as he stopped in front of you, his hand taking yours in his. His grasp was warm, wary, and gentle. It gave you unrealistic hope that everything would be okay, but you knew you had to be okay, you were a hero, and you needed to be reliable.

“I have something I need to tell you,” he whispers as you nod, you were listening. “When this is over, I’m going to take you on a date.”

Your eyes widen as a small and nearly scared chuckle left his lips, “It is long overdue.”

Shouto grins at you as his fingers hooks under your chin, and your lips meet him in a gentle kiss. It doesn’t last long, not at all, and before you could memorize the feeling of his lips against yours, he’s pulled away.

Fluttering open, your eyes lock on Shouto’s who has gone rigid. Tension sits heavy in your throat and your bones as you fear what’s to come. What if this was it? There was already too much you regretted, and it seemed that Shouto was on the same page as your lips slammed back together in a crushing force. It was sloppy, hungry, and passionate.

Tongues unable to battle as they desperately sought touch, teeth clashing against each other more often than not, and hands memorizing the outline of each other’s silhouettes. His lips were hot against yours, and the calming smell of his scent overwhelmed you until you forced yourself to push away. You were heading to different areas of the upcoming battlegrounds.

“Good luck,” you whisper.

“Don’t die.”

You turned and began running off, making sure to take one last look at Shouto, who was running off too.

“I love you.”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Six.

Tears streamed down your eyes as you stared at the collapsed and defeated figures before you.

Stupid emotionally manipulating quirk.

Brushing the streaming tears off your cheeks, you sniffled as you looked at Shouto of whom you had saved from these two characters. Your costume was torn, blood was dried on your legs and arms, and sweat poured against your skin. The battle was still ongoing, but as you studied Shouto, who was in a similar state to you, the world went quiet again.

“Glad to see you’re still alive,” you partially tease, partially speak the truth as Shouto stands to his feet.

“I have an important date to get to after all this,” he smiles as his shoulders relax. “I won’t go down yet.”

Two loud explosions are heard from polar sides, and the reality of the situation comes back in full effect.

“We should get going,” you whisper as your feet immediately start moving towards the explosion to your right. “Be safe--”

“Kiss me,” he breathily demands, and you pause in your movements.

His eyes are firm and desperate for you to comply to his demand, and so in the quickest response, you could give him your lips planted against his again. It was soft and too fast as you pulled away before he could even place his hands on your waist.

“Stay alert,” you whisper before pushing away.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Seven.

Cheers rang heavy in your ears as you swayed to your feet.

Everything hurt, but by the sounds of it, you guys had won. Pressing off the floor and onto your feet, a splitting headache shot your nerves as you groaned. Arms surrounded you as victorious hugs went around, but you could barely keep up with who was hugging you as more and more people came around.

Relief flooded you as you saw your friends all safe and sound, or at the very least not dead. The reality of what had just happened, of what not only you third years but Pro-Heroes and first and second-year students went through slammed through in this almost anxious cry. You all could’ve died.

There could have been no survivors.

Crushing what-ifs slammed through you as you made your way out of the huddle of people who had gathered in wistful celebration.

Hands found your tear-stained cheeks, and you looked up with blurred vision at a familiar face.

“You’re okay,” he whispered as you nodded, unable to speak as your crying grew even more. “You’re safe, I’m safe.”

“I-I know!” You blubber as your hands grip the collar of his costume and slam his lips against yours.

This wasn’t your usual kisses that flowed with feelings and passion, this was desperate. A kiss meant for the beginning of the war, not the end. Tears mixed between your lips as your arms wrapped him, eliminating any space between the two of you, yet it wasn’t enough. Your fingers raked through his messy hair, trying to convince your brain that this was real, he was real, this victory was real. Shouto responded with the same level of energy, and despite your burning lungs, you wouldn’t break apart.

No, not yet.

The two of you continued this desperate and needful kiss until you could kiss no longer, and his bruised red lips quirked into a smile as he brushed your hair to the side.

“You’re beautiful.”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Eight.

Somehow everyone thought that this first date with Shouto was going to be one to go down in history.

Well, they weren’t wrong per se.

The first date was short of a disaster, and it was so awkward.

Your hands lay stiff at your side as Shouto walked you back to your new apartment. The air was silent between the two of you as neither one of you spoke. For two people who have all but fucked, finally turning to put a label on this had made a typically relaxed duo into wooden statues.

Only a week ago, the two of you had sunk to the ground in a desperate kiss, and now you couldn’t make eye contact.

Pathetic, truly pathetic.

“Tonight was… fun,” Shouto spoke up as you entered the building, his hand opening the door for you as you stepped in.

Hearing that he was trying to overlook the apparent tension of the date, you laughed as you nodded your head, “It’s going down in the books as one of the best nights.”

“I don’t blame you,” he continues to joke as you climb up the staircase with him a few steps below you. “Well, I also can’t compare you to anything else.”

“Are you saying that I only get the best date pass because you’re a virgin dater?”

“...I sort of hate how you phrased that, but yes.”

Your lips curl into a smile as you turn around to glance as Shouto, who is emulating the same smile on his face.

“I feel so lucky,” you sigh as you step out onto your floor.

It goes quiet again as you make your way to the front door of your space.

“So… I’ll see you tomorrow for Bakugou’s birthday?” You ask as you unlock the front door, your body twisting to look at him as you were unsure of what to do now.

“Yeah, do you need me to pick you up?”

You nodded as you contemplated hugging or kissing him. Would embracing him be a spit in his face granted the many exchanged kisses beforehand? Would kissing be too forward after such an awkward date?

Deciding on a kiss on the cheek, you went in for your goodnight, but it seemed Shouto had the same idea.

Your lips met in an awkward kiss.

A peck almost that sent you stumbling away as you laughed loudly in an attempt to disguise your painful awkwardness, “See ya tomorrow!”

“See you…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Nine.

The awkwardness of the first date thankfully never repeated again.

“I’m not sharing with you, so stop giving me those eyes,” Shouto grumbled as he took another bite of his strawberry cheesecake.

“But Shouto,” you whine as you try pushing up on his chest to take a bite from his sweet dessert, he moved it further away, and you groaned falling onto his chest, “I haven’t even taken a bite out of it!”

“Yeah, but you ate the entire another slice after claiming you ‘weren’t hungry,’ love,” he rolled his eyes, but there was no malice behind it as you laughed into his chest.

Turning your head, you watched as Shouto placed the last bite of the deliciously sweet cheesecake into his mouth. You needed a taste of it, you craved more.

Licking your lips, a grin faded into your mouth as you pushed up off the couch, your eyes meeting Shouto’s unsuspecting but cautious eyes as he stopped chewing.

“Wha’ are you -- mmph?”

With the cheesecake still in his mouth, your lips pressed against his in a passionate affair. Your fingers rested on his jaws as you felt Shouto trying to finish the food in his mouth, but in the act of pure stupidity, you pressed your tongue through his lips.

The taste of the strawberry cheesecake flooded your senses as Shouto sat up, his hands on your hips as you adjusted correctly. The taste was light and sweet without being overwhelming; your grin widened as Shouto whined against your lips, and a sharp pinch was felt on your ass.

“What are you doing?!” Shouto wheezes, recomposing himself after you jolt away from him due to the pinch on your butt.

“Getting my fair share of cheesecake,” you innocently state while batting your eyelashes.

“You’re a brat…”

“A hungry one at that!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Ten.

“Another kiss…”

…

“One more…”

....

“Don’t leave yet, not until I have my kiss.”

You laughed so loudly it boarded a cackle as you once against pressed another kiss to Shouto’s lips. You had work today, and Shouto did not. In your attempt to leave, he had been demanding more and more kisses, unsatisfied with the ones you had been giving him.

“You call me the brat, but look at you, mister--” your lips press against his warm ones-- “You won’t let me leave, will you?”

“Fuck your job, come and stay here with me.”

Brushing his messy with sleep hair out of his face, you smiled at your boyfriend, who was borderline pouting.

“I actually love my job,” you insist as Shouto tries to pull you into a hold you knew you wouldn’t be able to fight off. “I need to go.”

“One more kiss before you leave,” he says again as if you hadn’t already given him twenty additional kisses past the initial farewell.

“Fine,” you cave with no resistance as you lean down and press your lips against his one last time. Your hands rested on his warm skin as your lips pressed in a soft and sweet kiss. But it seemed that Shouto was determined to get you to stay as his right hand tangled into your hair.

Amusement shot through your veins as you’re prevented from pulling away. So doing what you could only do, you pressed into the kiss harder, your body moving to manipulate Shouto under your will, and the moment your ass sat against his hips, he broke apart to sigh.

That was all you needed.

He came back in with his lips partially open, but you blew a stream of air into his unsuspecting mouth, and his eyes snapped open, the spell broken as you tumbled off of him, your hands waving as you finally left to start your day. You could only hear his groan as you giggled, eventually making it out of the door.

“I love you!”

“Love you too…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Eleven.

It was nearly one in the morning, and you sat at the kitchen table with a blanket wrapped snugly around you. A teacup rested in your fingers as you took another sip of it. Shouto sat in a few seats away from you, paperwork splayed everywhere on the table as he studied the ones in front of him.

There had been significant issues with the paperwork surrounding a few cases he had solved, so taking it upon himself to figure out alone, Shouto had been studying fifty casework paper meticulously for the past seventy-four hours straight.

“I think it’s time for bed,” you call standing up. Downing the rest of your tea, you went to wash it, but your eyes refocused on Shouto, who hadn’t even reacted to your claim. “Shouto?”

His bloodshot eyes snapped up to you as he nodded, his attention quickly returning back to the paper, “I think I’m going to stay up for a little longer, I’ll meet you in bed.”

You didn’t want to agree. You shouldn’t have, but Todoroki Shouto was by all, and every means stubborn at times.

Nodding, you pressed a goodnight kiss to his temple, a kiss he attempted to return but kissed the air.

Going to the bathroom, you finished getting ready for bed, brushing your teeth, washing your face, you climbed into bed.

A little longer, that’s what he had said.

Blinking, you turned toward the alarm clock that displayed a 2:00 a.m., and you groaned. A little longer your ass.

Sliding out of bed, you walked to the kitchen, where Shouto was circling and highlighting different areas of his work.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, he didn’t even flinch at your arrival. He lay his head against you for a millisecond before returning to his work, you could feel how tense and tired he was, yet he was trying to pretend he was okay. Sighing softly, it seemed that you were going to have to force him to sleep. So determined to make your boyfriend sleep, you began to press gentle kisses against his stiff neck.

Never leaving his soft yet tense skin, you pressed more kisses against his neck, trailing down to his shoulder and back to his neck. The kisses are tender, sweet, unhurried. They speak of your want to get him to bed, and it seems Shouto, at the very least, is put under some spell.

His breathing has piqued as your lips continue their senseless trail. His eyes have closed, and his pen is seconds from falling from his fingers.

“Come to bed with me, handsome,” you whisper as your lips find themselves behind his ear, the sweetness and innocence of your affection still very much in tack.

“I gotta… I gotta finish this,” he almost slurs as he seems to be battling this internal war.

“You will finish this,” you promise him as you finally relieve your lips from his skin. Pulling out his chair, Shouto remained glued to the seat as his hands fell dead to his side.

He was exhausted.

A sad smile overcame you as you moved to stand before him, your hands cupping his firm cheeks to make him look at you. His eyes were red, they were exhausted, they were wet with oncoming tears.

“I’m so tired,” he whispers as you nod in understanding.

“I know, baby, so let’s go to bed.”

“But the paper…”

You sigh through your nose as you press a soft kiss to his lips. They speak of how you needed him in bed with you, how this would be finished tomorrow, but he needed rest.

“Tomorrow, my love,” you promise as you pull him to his feet.

“Tomorrow…”

As you finished getting him ready for bed, Shouto fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, and after tucking him into bed, you turned on your heel, making your way to the kitchen again.

You would finish this for him.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Twelve.

Gentle. Comforting. Relieving.

Those were among the words you would use in describing your relationship with Shouto. It was a relationship between equals, and it was soft, it was loving. Most nights were seen leaving the two of you curled into one another passed out with love and happiness pouring from you.

Tonight was not soft, but it was loving in a different sense. It would definitely leave the two of you passed out with love and happiness, but again for a different reason.

The moan that escaped your lips was muffled by Shouto’s tongue that swirled around in your mouth.

You were up on your tiptoes as you allowed him to lead you about in the hallway. Yes, the two of you hadn’t even made it back into your apartment before enacting your horny feelings. Your lips were almost chaotic against one another, desperate to show just how badly you wanted each other, eager to prove that tonight was going to be magical.

Of course, this was partially your fault for being so aggressive in your kissing in the elevator, but the two of you had been dressed up smartly for a gala, and well, you could no longer resist your man in a fitted all-black suit.

A grunt of discomfort came from your lips as your back was rammed into the doorknob of your apartment, Shouto apologizing against your lips as he struggled to unlock the door while kissing you with his eyes closed. The door opened, and you both stumbled through the threshold blindly and passionately kissing.

The next thing you knew, Shouto had you lifted in the air, your legs immediately wrapping around his waist. Your hips took no time to grind against his crotch, to which he loudly confirmed that it was a feeling he enjoyed.

Clinging to him desperately, you attempted to strip him of his clothes.

The kiss did not still in its levels of passion, only seeming to grow exponentially as his jacket landed on the floor with a thud. Noises of approval, cries of lust fueling both of you on as your lips dragged heatedly against one another.

His hands gripped your breasts as you slammed into a wall, and your head slammed back as you cried his name.

Shouto wasted no time in latching onto the swell of your breasts, his teeth nipping at your exposed skin, his hips bucking against your grinding hips, increasing the monumentous pleasure by one hundred.

“The bed,” you whimper as your fingers string into his hair, pulling and tugging at the two colored strands as you needed more as the heat between your legs only grew in the passing seconds and actions. “Please go to the bed.”

“It’s too far away,” Shouto gasps as his teeth sink into the sweet spot on your neck, and you cry in electrifying pleasure as you once again increase the speed of your humping. “Fuck!”

Your lips quirked into a smile at the feeling of his palpable excitement as he tumbles to the couch that was a mere few strides away. Crashing into the softness of the cushions, your eyes sparkled as you began to hastily remove your dress.

“I hope you’re ready,” you grin as you pull off the dress, revealing to Shouto the lingerie you wore underneath. Your grin turns sly as you watch him gulp harshly, his eyes roaming your body as his shirt and tie fall to the ground. Standing up you pulled onto the belt loops of his slacks and easily twisted to have him stumbling and now sitting down. His eyes took you in again as he groaned softly and your eyes focused on the excitement in his pants. “I’m in charge tonight.”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Thirteen.

The taste of salt filled your senses as you pulled away from Shouto’s tear streaming face.

“Do we have to do this,” he whispered as you look away.

You had to.

“I’m sorry.”

“Was I not enough for you?”

A heavyweight sat on your chest as tears fell from his eyes faster than you could kiss them away.

“You’ve always been more than enough.”

“Then why are you breaking up with me?”

You willed yourself not to cry, trying not to remember the real reason why you had to break up with him.

“Because I’m not good enough.”

“Don’t fucking bullshit me, y/n,” Shouto snaps, his lips curling into a sneer as he glares at you. “If you’re going to break up with me, do it because you want to do it. But don’t fucking lie to my face like a coward.”

His words are hateful, spiteful, and bitter. The acid in your stomach seems to shoot up your throat as you watch Shouto standing up, his head shaking.

“You know what, forget about it. I don’t want to fucking know.”

“I don’t know what else you want to hear,” you snap, your words vomiting up as frustration flares through you. “That’s the fucking truth, I’m not lying! So instead of being an asshole, fucking leave.”

You watched with streaming tears as Shouto scoffs, and without so much as a goodbye, he turned and left. The door slamming closed, rattled your apartment, and you with it as you dropped to the floor weeping.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Fourteen.

You opened your front door with bleary eyes.

It had been a little over a week since breaking up, and even if it was for the right reasons, you were wrecked.

To your surprise, Shouto stood in front of the door. His gaze concentrated on his feet as his lips were pulled into a solid line. His hand held a bouquet of your favorite flowers and what seemed to be takeout from your favorite restaurant.

“What are you--?”

“I know why you broke up with me,” he interrupts you, his frown growing as he locks eyes with you. His gaze is sharp, steady, and desperate. “I know that you think this is to help me, but it’s bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit,” you mumble as you look away, “but it doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I was an asshole the day you broke up with me,” he sighs, his shoulders slumping as his free hand scratching the back of his neck. “I was cruel and mean, and I want you back.”

“I can’t get back with you yet…”

Shouto sighs as he shakes his head, “Why are you stubborn? Why do you want to face this alone, y/n? Keeping me away is only hurting you, I’m trying to see if from your point of view, but every time I only see it as you protecting me. I don’t need you to--”

You hated that you were so compelled and so in love with Shouto because your lips silenced him.

Your hands rested on his shoulders as if to ground him, and he held your waist to make sure you wouldn’t leave.

It was a passionate kiss, a kiss that somehow apologized to him, a kiss that told him you were in the wrong, a kiss that relayed how scared you were of the past that finally caught up with you. He returned it in full. His kiss forgave you, his kiss understood your worries but promised he wouldn’t let something as trivial as that make him lose you, and his kiss apologized to you as well.

It wasn’t a long kiss, nor was it that physically intense, but as you parted, your eyes remained closed for some time. As if you were overwhelmed with the message and emotions behind it, and you wanted to remember how it felt to have him pressed against you in such a way.

With a little more time, your eyes fluttered open to see Shouto’s still closed, his breathing shallow with his emotional high.

“Do you want to come in?” You ask, gesturing into your apartment.

His eyes snapped open, and you both turned to see the flowers and food that had been dropped during the kiss.

“Please?”

You let him in as the door closed behind you two, “I guess I owe you an explanation?”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Fifteen.

Shouto stared at your shocked face.

If your jaw went any lower, he feared you’d accidentally hurt your muscle.

The crowd that had gathered around the spot that was supposed to be private were all whispering as cameras shone on the two of you. Shouto cleared his throat as he finally asked: “Y/n, will you marry me?”

A ripping sob escaped your throat, and Shouto stood up off his knee in a panic, the velvet box ignored as he came to you, holding your trembling form as you cried.

“Y-Yes,” you cry as you slam your face into his chest. “Yes, I’ll m-marry you!!!”

Shouto’s lips curled into a broad smile as you finally looked up at him with streaming mascara, and his hands rested against your cheek as he whispered, “I love you.”

Before you could even respond, his lips connected with yours into a chaste, delicate kiss. Your hands gripped onto his biceps as you returned the kiss just as delicately. Not wanting the moment to end, and uncaring of the crowd, Shouto intensified the kiss, moving his lips fervently against yours as he draws you closer.

It didn’t matter that there was a crowd; in fact, the screaming only seemed to fuel Shouto on to continue kissing his fiancee, and you were not slowing down in this passionate exchange either.

“I love you.”

#todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki scenario #todoroki fluff #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha todoroki #bnha imagines #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines #mha todoroki

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mersuperwholocked-lowlife · 3 years

Text

Back Again

Word Count: 2,613

Characters: Damon Salvatore, Katherine Pierce, Stefan Salvatore (brief), Alaric Saltzman (brief), Reader

Pairings: Damon Salvatore x Reader

Warnings: angst, death, small fluff

A/N: this is an AU where compulsion doesn’t break when you turn into a vamp,k?

A/N 2: ISUBADIYG THIS IS RLY SHITTY IM SORRY FOR SCREWING THIS UP I JUST WANTED TO POST TODAY

Masterlist

“What do you think of this dress?” you looked at the white lace dress, holding it up as you spun around, showing Damon.

“I think whatever you wear will look amazing,” Damon smiled as he leaned against the door, scanning your body.

“It needs to be perfect,” you sighed, looking in the mirror as Damon walked behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You’re perfect. That’s all that matters. Which is why I have something to ask you,” you put your gown on the chair, turning to Damon as you nodded.

“I was going to wait, but I can’t anymore. (Y/N), what would you say if I asked for your hand,” he looked at you anxiously, as you gasped slightly.

“Yes, of course, Damon!” you laughed as you smiled widely, wrapping your arms around Damon.

Damon let out a breath of relief, pressing his lips against yours.

“I love you,”

“I love you too.”

---

“Ric! Damn it!” Damon yelled frantically, hands in his hair as he watched Alaric fall over, collapsing as he passed the Mystic Falls sign.

He knew he had to save his friend.

He ran through the barrier, as he collapsed, struggling as he felt blood dripping from his chest. He was dying all over again.

“Ric!” he called out for his friend, gasping as he saw something. His head ached, memories pouring as he remembered something. He remembered someone. He remembered you.

“Damon!” Stefan grabbed him, pulling him out of Mystic Falls, while Damon laid on the ground, gasping for air.

“(Y/N),” he remembered you, his face going pale.

He remembered you, he remembered what Katherine did to you. He remembered it all.

“Stefan, do you remember (Y/N)?” Damon asked shakily, standing up.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)... oh my god! I forgot,” Stefan’s eyes went wide, remembering you.

“I’ll kill her. I’m gonna kill Katherine, I’m gonna find (Y/N).”

---

“Oh, Lady Katherine, I didn’t mean to intrude…” you froze, looking at her while she had blood dripping from her lips, eyes covered with black veins.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Come on in,” she wiped her lips, smirking at you while you took shaky breaths, attempting to keep yourself calm. You unconsciously wrapped your arms around your stomach, even though you knew it wouldn’t save him. It wouldn’t save your baby if she hurt you.

You had been running around the Salvatore house, frantically looking for Damon. He was going to be a father.

“I won’t tell anyone. Just please don’t hurt me,” you begged as your eyes watered slightly.

“Hmm, I heard you and Damon were getting married,” she circled you, as you saw a dead body only a few feet in front of you.

“Y-Yes,” you nodded your head, your heart beating erratically.

“Oh? What’s that? I hear something,” she stopped in front of you, walking closer as your tears fell from the side of your face.

She bent down, putting her head near your stomach while you remained still, frozen in fear.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” she stood up, putting her hands on your shoulders while you tensed, nodding slightly.

“Well, lucky for you, I don’t feel like killing babies. I have another plan for you… a more permanent plan,” before she could say anything, Damon walked to you.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?’ he put his hands on your shoulders, looking at you frantically.

“N-Nothing, Damon,” you wrapped your arms around him tightly, closing your eyes as a few tears fell, feeling safe as he held onto you.

“Lady Katherine. We’ll see you around,” Damon nodded, holding your hand as he led you out of the room.

---

“So, who exactly is she?” Alaric sat next to Stefan, while Damon paced in front of them.

“She’s my fiance. O-Or was. Katherine put her in a sleeping spell somewhere, and she compelled me to forget about (Y/N),” Damon felt anger coursing through his veins, making his blood boil.

For over 100 years, you were trapped, by yourself, unconscious.

“When we went into Mystic Falls to get Alaric, the traveler’s spell must’ve broken the compulsion,” Stefan realized.

“We were about to get married,” Damon sat down, holding his head in his hands, in distress.

“I’m gonna track down Katherine, kill her, and save (Y/N). Then we’ll finally get out happy ever after,” Damon said, talking mainly to himself.

“Well, let’s get started on finding Katherine.”

---

“Damon?” you walked in the room, confused as Katherine had her lips pressed against Damon, pressing him against a wall.

“Who are you?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as you looked at him.

“W-What did you do to him?” you asked shakily, looking at Katherine.

“Don’t worry about it,” within a second, she somehow appeared in front of you, gripping your arm tightly.

“I-I didn’t tell anyone your secret. I-I,” you stuttered, trying to save yourself.

“Oh, (Y/N), don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s just…” you felt a pulse of energy go throughout your body, feeling your legs giving out.

“What are you doing to me?” you asked softly, feeling yourself getting weary.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Katherine held onto you as you collapsed into your arms, laying you down on the floor gently.

---

Your eyes widened as you gasped for air, looking around cautiously. It was dark, you were confined in a small space you assumed to be a coffin.

Your body felt weak, feeling your throat dry.

My baby

You remembered the last thing that happened, remembering Damon, remembering you were pregnant.

You used what little strength you had, trying to push the coffin open. You felt tears sliding down your face, as you struggled, feeling pressure against it. It was buried, it had to be underground.

You felt the air go thin, as you continued trying to open the coffin, gasping for air. You tried to yell out, as your throat only tightened, throwing you into a coughing fit as you cried.

---

“Just look for her headstone! I-If we killed Katherine, then she’s awake. She’s trapped. She doesn’t have long!” Damon yelled angrily, while he and Stefan listened carefully, trying to find any sign of life in the quiet graveyard.

Damon stopped, hearing faint noises of someone crying. It was you.

“She’s here!” Damon ran to an unmarked gravestone, his heart beating fiercely while he began digging your coffin out.

---

You felt the air grow stronger, as you cried softly. The coffin opened slowly, as you scrunched your eyes, adjusting to the moonlight.

“(Y/N)?” you heard a familiar voice as you opened your eyes, looking up as you felt instant relief.

“D-Damon?”

“Shh, you don’t have to speak. It’s me. I’m here, I got you,” he held wrapped his arms around you as he lifted you, while you hung onto him tightly.

“We need to get her to the hospital, now,” Damon said.

You could feel your head pounding, looking around in the unfamiliar sight while you felt panic rise in your heart.

---

You opened your eyes, flinching at the fluorescent lighting that hit your eyes while you looked around to the unfamiliar machinery. You were in some room of some sort.

“D-Damon?” you lifted your head, looking at him.

“(Y/N),” he held your hand, kissing it softly.

“Where are we?” you asked him.

“In a hospital,” you gave him a blank look, unsure of what to say.

“W-What’s all these… things here?” you asked, referring to the machines.

“I-I'll tell you everything, but the most important thing to know is that it’s the year 2016, and a lot has changed, but I’m here, okay?” he asked, stroking your hand.

“2016? I-It’s not 18-” you began.

“No, that was over 100 years ago,” he said softly.

“T-Then how am I alive? How are you alive?” you asked nervously.

“It’s a long story, and I promise I’ll tell you once we leave here, okay?” he asked softly.

You nodded, before speaking again.

“D-Damon, I-I was… I was pregnant…” you said softly, squeezing his hand softly.

“Y-You were pregnant?” he said, shocked.

You nodded your head softly, placing your hands over your stomach.

“B-But I-I don't know if I still am, a-and,” you sniffled.

“Yeah, y-you are,” he said.

“How do you know?” your voice broke.

“I can hear it,” his eyes watered as he looked down at you.

You felt tears rush to your eyes, as you held onto Damon tightly.

“It's all okay,” he kissed your forehead softly, stroking your back while he hugged you.

---

After Damon had told you about everything, from him being a vampire and Katherine, to all the changes with the world that happened. New technology, new vehicles. So much had changed.

“Do you remember the day that you… do you remember what happened before Katherine…” you knew what Damon was asking while you nodded your head.

“I just wanted to tell you, she compelled me to forget all about you, I would never… I loved you and,” he paused, unsure of what to say.

“Damon, I understand. I knew you would never do that to me,” you held his hands as you stood in front of him, looking down.

He smirked, as he stroked your cheek, pressing his lips against yours.

“(Y/N), would you still marry me?” he asked softly.

“Of course I would, Damon. I-I thought you’d move on by now, and-” he cut you off.

“I was under Katherine’s spell, I forgot you existed. But now I know, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with,” he said.

You felt warmth in your heart as a smell crept up your face. All you had of him were memories that went around in your head, nothing compared to him standing in front of you, being with you.

“I love you, Damon Salvatore,” you said softly.

“I love you too, Mrs. (Y/N) Salvatore,” he bowed down in front of you while you laughed, wrapping your arms around him.

---

You held your son in your arms, nursing him while you rubbed your head.

It was 3 in the morning, and he cried a lot. You could feel yourself drifting off to sleep, while you forced yourself to stay awake. Unfortunately, your body didn't agree with you, as you fell asleep, holding your son.

“(Y/N),” Damon walked into the room, seeing you asleep, with Ric in your hands.

He began crying again, almost immediately, waking you up.

“Oh,” you shot your head up.

“Go back to sleep, I got him,” Damon rushed to your side, holding your son.

“Oh, Damon, it’s alright,” you protested.

“It’s okay, I’m his dad, you know. Go to bed, I’ll put him to sleep,” you smiled softly, looking at Damon.

“Goodnight, my love,” you said softly.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” you closed your eyes, laying on the bed, wishing you could stay like this forever. Stay with your son, stay with Damon. It was all so perfect.

---

“Morning, (Y/N),” Damon opened his eyes, looking at you, still asleep.

He chuckled softly to himself, stroking your cheek.

“(Y/N), we have a busy day filled with wedding planning. You need to wake up now,” he said softly, resting his head on his palm while he put his arm on waist.

“(Y/N),” he frowned, sitting up as he looked at you.

“(Y/N),” his face dropped, listening to your heartbeat.

“(Y/N), this isn't funny,” he got up, shaking your body.

But you remained still, you remained unconscious.

He put his hands on your head, entering your mind as he closed his eyes.

---

“Please, I’m looking for Damon Salvatore,” you ran to a random person, begging them for help.

Someone had to know where he was.

“Excuse me, ma’am, I’m looking for Damon Salvatore, can you please help me?” she ignored you, walking past you you cried softly.

“Will someone help me, please?” you cried.

“(Y/N),” you looked up, hearing a familiar voice, Damon’s voice.

“D-Damon,” you cried, rubbing to him as you wrapped your arms around him tightly.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay?” he asked alarmed, holding you.

“I-I don’t know… I tried to look for you, but everyone kept ignoring me,” you looked up at Damon.

“(Y/N), something’s wrong. This is all in your head. You weren't waking up,” Damon explained, holding your face in his hands.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“We’re in your head, (Y/N),” you felt your face drop as you looked at him.

“What do we do?” you asked softly.

“I-I have to leave you. I have to go and find out what happened,” he explained.

He has to leave you felt your heart racing as you nodded.

“I’ll be back,” he said.

You nodded your head, as he kissed you.

“It'll be okay. Bye,” you held his hand as he disappeared in front of you, leaving you all alone.

---

You jumped up in the bed, looking around, seeing no one there.

“Surprise,” you jumped, hearing Katherine’s voice from behind you.

“Get away from me,” you stumbled out of bed, running away from her.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N), let’s have some fun!” she exclaimed, jumping in front of you, while you stumbled back.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” you said, keeping a distance from her.

“I needed to get rid of Damon somehow,” she shrugged, walking towards you.

“What are you gonna do to me?” you asked softly.

She shrugged, revealing a knife in her pocket.

“Just thinking about some fun we can have,” she replied.

“Y-You didn't… why didn't you kill me before,” you asked.

“You were pregnant. Now you’re not,” she said.

You felt tears rush to your eyes.

“Y-You don’t have to do this,” you said shakily.

“No, I really do. You’re annoying, (Y/N). With your little ‘I’m so happy’ attitude, and your picture-perfect life with a man you love, a son. You don’t deserve it,” her face tensed up, glaring at you. yeah yeah

“Katherine, please,” you begged her, you stopped as you felt your back hit the wall.

You felt your heart beating quickly, as you made a decision.

You bit your lip, clenching your fist as you punched Katherine, running to the door as quickly as you could.

“Oh, you bitch!” she yelled.

“Damon!” you screamed, calling out for him as Katherine grabbed you, pulling you to the ground.

“Damon!” you cried.

“Didn’t think you had it in you,” Katherine said.

You could hear Damon yelling, calling your name as he ran up the stairs.

“And that’s my cue to leave. Bye,” your eyes widened, feeling the blade enter your chest as you let out a soft cry.

“(Y/N),” Damon ran to you, holding your hand.

“Damon,” you cried, feeling the blood dripping from your wound.

“H-Here, it’s okay, j-just drink my blood,” he bit his wrist, as blood dripped from it.

“I-I can't,” you cried, feeling pain emit throughout your body.

“Here, just drink it,” you cried out as he pulled the knife out of your chest.

He put his wrist on your mouth, as you drank his blood, coughing it up.

“Why isn't it working?!” he yelled.

“Damon,” you cried.

“You’re not gonna die on me. (Y/N), I just got you back,” he cried.

“D-Damon, keep him safe. Keep our baby safe,” you cried, feeling your breath leaving you.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Damon…” you closed your eyes, as your breath shallowed.

“I’ll keep him safe, I promise. I love you,” he said softly, looking at you.

“(Y/N)?” he said softly, eyes red as tears fell from them, holding your dead body in his arms.

“(Y/N).”

#the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries fanfiction #the vampire diaries family #tvd imagine #TVD #tvd family #tvd fandom #tvd fic #tvd universe #Damon #damon salvatore #damon salvatore imagine #damon salvatore angst #damon salvatore x reader #damon salvatore fluff

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fluffymcu · 4 years

Text

Always Here (Bucky x Reader)

request by: @deliciouspeachpirate

summary: Bucky x teen!reader where the reader has a nightmare and Bucky comforts her.

A/N: I am on a roll with these fics! lol I’ve written like 4 fics in 5 days im kinda proud of myself lol. Maybe it’s because my mom got a laptop so I’m able to borrow it and write on here instead of my phone. My hands don’t cramp up anymore! yay!

------

You had attended a mission in San Francisco where you'd have to rescue hostages from a secure facility that was run by a very powerful man, who was the most feared Mob boss in the city. He had a lot of friends in low places, and many of his workers were enhanced ex soldiers from Leviathan, so yes, they were dangerous. But of course, they were no match for the Avengers, so you easily took them down with the team and rescued the hostages. Fortunately, you had powers. Invulnerability and Power absorption. Nothing could penetrate your skin, and with just a single touch to the enemies, you easily absorbed their enhancements and fought them, equally strong. After the people were safe, you returned back home on the quinjet. When you got home, everyone was exhausted so they didn’t even bother eating dinner. You all went straight to bed and fell asleep.

Then the nightmares started.

The mission wasn’t exactly too bad, you’ve been to worse. You mostly used your powers to destabilize any enemies, but this time you had to get a little more physical. But you always had some sort of nightmare after a mission. How bad the nightmare was, it’d depend on how bad the mission was. So you didn’t understand why you were having such a bad nightmare.

You sat up in your bed in a sweat. You looked around your room, panting and rubbed your eyes. You took a minute to steady your breathing and looked at the time. 2:16am. You sighed and made your way out to the hallway. You didn’t want to be alone right now, and Bucky was the only one you really trusted to talk to him about your nightmares.

Bucky came to live at the compound only a month and a half before you did. You gravitated towards him quickly because you both were new, and didn’t have anyone else to feel comfortable with. Even though you were a teenager and there was a pretty large age gap, bucky made you feel like that wasn’t important. He trained you, took care of you, and he was there for you whenever you needed him. He became like a big brother to you. You loved him and he loved you. But for some reason, tonight, you felt nervous to go to him. Maybe it was the nightmare still messing with you.

You made your way to his room, slowly and stealthily, just like he taught you. You opened the door quietly and peeked inside. You tiptoed inside and stopped right at the foot of his bed. He was sleeping soundly and you stopped to think.

You knew Bucky had nightmares as well. Much more than you. It made you question whether to wake him, since these nights that he slept well were so rare. You bit your lip, deciding to just leave and try to go back to bed. You turned and tiptoed towards the door but you were interrupted by Bucky calling out to you. “Y/n?”

You stopped in your tracts and turned around to face him. He was now sitting up in his bed and looking at you. “Hey.” You whispered.

“What’s wrong?” You stayed silence and just looked down, shrugging. Bucky sighed and scooted over on his bed, patting the space next to him. “Come here.” You walked over and hopped onto bed with him, snuggling close to his side. “Had a nightmare?” He asked, wrapping his flesh arm around you to hug you close. You nodded and shut your eyes.

“I don’t know why, the mission wasn’t even that bad.” You mumbled.

“It happens. It’s ok. Why were you about to leave earlier?’ He asked, looking down at you.

You sighed, shrugging a shoulder. “You were sleeping well so… I just wanted you to rest since there’s not many times you get good sleep.” There was a moment of silence before Bucky sat up a bit to look at you right.

“Hey, look at me.” He lifted your chin up to face him. “I don’t care if that was the first night of good sleep in a whole month. You have a nightmare, you come to me. Anytime. I’m always here for you. Don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to come to me with your problems, that’s what I'm here for. Ok?” You smiled shyly and nodded. “There's that smile I love!” He grinned, poking your belly under the sheets. You stifled a giggle and scooted away a bit but his hand still followed, squeezing and prodding around your belly and sides.

You finally let out your giggles, hiding your face into the pillow and halfheartedly pushing at his hands. As sensitive as you were, you didn’t really want him to stop this time. It was a good distraction from all the negative thoughts you were feeling and so you just laid there and took it. Bucky chuckled and moved his hand up to your neck and fluttered his fingers around and behind your ears, making you squirm a lot more. “So ticklish.” He hummed, going back to your belly and swirling his finger into your belly button. You let out a loud laugh at that, throwing your head back and twisting around. “You gotta keep it down, y/n/n, you don’t wanna wake anyone else on the team too, don’t you? I can only assume they’d wanna help me with this.” He teased, sitting up more to tower over you and blow a raspberry in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t contain the loud squeal that left your lips at that, and you recoiled, melting onto the mattress, the nightmare long forgotten.

You pushed at his shoulders but Bucky only slipped his hands into your armpits, making you collapse back onto the bed and squeezing your arms to your sides. “ohoOHOHOhokay! Ihihim smihiHIHIing!” You squealed, making Bucky laugh and pull his hands out. A moment passed, Bucky looking at you fondly. A yawn escaped your mouth as your eyes began to droop. Bucky smiled, as he realized his plan worked.

“Tired?” He smirked. You nodded with a light smile on your face. Bucky pulled you close to him again in a tight hug. “Go to sleep, Baby Doll.” He hummed. You hugged him back, wrapping your arms around him and relaxing in his warmth.

“Goodnight. Love you Buck.” You said, before quickly falling asleep.”

“Love you too, Princess. Goodnight.” Bucky stayed up for a bit longer until he was sure you were sleeping, running his hands soothingly through your hair. When he heard your soft snore, he kissed your forehead and went back to sleep himself.

The both of you slept peacefully for the rest of the night, free of any nightmares and negative thoughts. You were glad you hadn’t left before he caught you, otherwise you’d probably still be having trouble going back to sleep. But thanks to Bucky, he made sure you didn’t have to go through it alone.

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overheardatthecontinental · 4 years

Text

Kinktober Day 1: Monster Fucking

I’m so sorry y’all

She had always been told not to be afraid. There was no moving shadow in her closet and there was no monster under her bed. Monsters weren’t real. She was safe. Nothing was going to get her.

But Helen knew they were wrong.

She wasn’t afraid of him, not anymore. When she was very young, the sight of him or his shadow would make her heart race with anxiety and fear. But he never hurt her. On one occasion, she had tried to jump from her bed to run and had fallen and scraped her knee. The boogeyman had picked her back up and placed her in the bed and tucked her in.

When she was nine, she learned to stop talking about him. She had brought him up at dinner one time too many and her parents decided she was too old to still see monsters under the bed and in her closet. They sent her to a shrink who told her that the boogeyman was just a manifestation of her fears.

Helen didn’t like the psychiatrist. He was very sure of himself and very certain there were no such things as monsters.

But she knew better.

She went home and went to bed, and sure enough, the boogeyman was there, standing in the doorway to her closet.

“Goodnight.” She told him softly.

The boogeyman was real. And, for whatever reason, he was stalking her.

And it didn’t matter where she went. She would spend the night with her grandparents and the boogeyman would follow, standing in the corner behind the door.

When she went away to summer camp, he would watch over her as she slept.

When she was thirteen and her parents divorced, he would follow her from house to house.

He became a more permanent fixture in her life than either of her parents.

Friends would come and go but the boogeyman was there to stay.

…

Things were fine, Helen thought. The boogeyman was real and he followed her but he was harmless. Like a benign tumor. Maybe he wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world but she didn’t mind his presence.

Until she was sixteen.

Steven Richter had driven her home from school.

No one was home and she had invited him inside. One thing had led to another and studying had turned into Steven kissing her on her bed.

He was handsy and his tongue didn’t seem to know what it was doing but it was her first kiss and so she didn’t mind.

And then, in an instant, Steven was ripped off of her and thrown across the room.

He couldn’t see the dark shadow that stood in front of her, hands clenched in anger and fuming.

Steven had run.

She didn’t blame him.

“What are you doing?” She had screamed at the dark figure when they were alone, “We were just kissing!”

She hadn’t expected a reply and she was not met with one but, for the first time, she thought she could hear breathing coming from her boogeyman.

And Helen didn’t bring home a boy again.

…

She hadn’t known what to expect when she had gone away to college. She had asked him, late one night, just days before she was set to fly out to New York.

“Are you going to follow me all the way across the country?”

The boogeyman hadn’t answered. He hadn’t even moved from his spot, standing vigil over her room.

The first day of orientation was a blur and she didn’t know what to expect. The entire day, it felt as if her heart was still in her chest, waiting and anticipating what would happen when she retired

And when she reached her room that night, she almost sighed in relief to see the boogeyman standing next to her new bed.

She smiled at him but said nothing. Her new roommate didn’t need to know that she saw things no one else did.

Helen climbed into bed and fell asleep knowing that she was safe.

…

His name was James and he was a junior. A pre-med student who read Dumas and Hugo. Yes, he was a bit pretentious, but he was nice enough. He asked her to come back to his apartment to listen to his vinyl collection and she had accepted.

She was an adult now and had only kissed one boy. Barely. It hadn’t taken long for the boogeyman to throw him from her.

But this wasn’t her apartment.

It wasn’t even James’ bedroom. It was a common room and his roommates were out as the vinyl played softly and they spoke of literature.

And Helen felt a hand on her shoulder. Strange, since she could see one of James’ hands in his lap, the other draped over the couch.

But sure enough, there was a weight trailing across her shoulder and gently caressing her neck.

He was there.

The boogeyman was in the room with them.

His hand curled around her throat, not hard enough to hurt her. He wouldn’t hurt her. But it was a warning.

If that boy touches you, I’ll kill him.

And Helen excused herself, feigning a headache and mourning the fact that her body ached to be touched. By someone. Anyone. Even a pretentious med student with atrocious taste in music.

She went home and locked the door, curling up on her bed.

Her roommate wasn’t home and so she spoke, “You can’t just hurt any boy who touches me.”

And, of course, he doesn’t reply. It pisses her off. How dare he? How dare he interfere with her love life when he doesn’t even bother to speak to her. To communicate with her other than the odd comforting touch every few months or years.

A tear slips from her cheek and she feels a weight pressing against her back, wrapping itself around her. The tear is wiped away and Helen leans back into the boogeyman.

“You can’t just keep me forever.” She whispers and the arms around her tighten.

Helen swallows.

Of course, that’s what he intends.

…

Helen throws herself into her studies. She isn't sure what else to do because relationships are off the table so long as the boogeyman is watching her.

Even friends are kind of hard because the boogeyman is such a big part of her life and she can't even mention him.

In her senior year, her roommate had friends over and Helen found herself dragged into a game of never have I ever.

And, of course, it was came up. She thought about lying but after half a dozen rounds, Helen still had all her fingers up.

"What, are you a virgin?"

And what could she say?

Sorry, I'm in a long term relationship with thr monster under my bed? He's super possessive and has no problem hurting guys I'm interested in?

Its not like she can just explain to others why she doesn't even go on dates.

So she admits to it and puts up with the teasing and, when she goes to bed, tears in her eyes, he is there. She feels the bed dip and he strokes her hair until she falls asleep.

…

She gets a small apartment after college. It has one bedroom and it smells a bit like mildew but its cheap and its hers and she doesn't have to worry about anyone hearing her talk to the monster that follows her around

He likes the space, she thinks. And she sets a chair up for him next to the bed and idly wonders if she's losing her mind. Is this encouraging him?

But she leaves it and when she wakes up at 2am, thr boogeyman is sitting and watching her.

In the morning, her coffee is prepared in a to go mug that she most certainly hadn't set out.

And just like that, something has changed. The boogeyman is her… friend.

…

Seasons change but the boogeyman doesn't. He still looks the same as he always has. Like a dark shadow that comes and goes corporeally. Sometimes there's a face and sometimes there's a shadowy blur. She decides that she likes his face.

It has high cheekbones and a dark beard. Its lips look soft and, sometimes, she its eyes look kind.

Deprived of touch and attention, she closes her eyes and imagines that face while she showers.

Its… nice but lacking.

At work, a nice man asks her to dinner and she declines, only to go home and have dinner on thr couch with the boogeyman next to her.

Helen tries not to think how much power she has given to her personal monster.

…

She turns twenty-six and something in her breaks. Twenty-six years old and she remains a virgin. Twenty-six and she has only had one sloppy kiss.

And it strikes her that it has been ten years since anyone has kissed her.

And it isn't fair.

She doesn't go home after work. She goes to a bar and drinks until the pain in her heart has dulled.

When a stranger propositions her, she doesn't have the mental capacity to remember what her monster is capable of and she takes him home.

The door to her apartment closes and he pushes her into it and presses his thin lips to hers.

She opens her mouth to deepen the kiss but he is ripped away. Helen opens her eyes in time to see red flash in her monsters eyes as the stranger slides across the floor and into the wall.

"Are you serious?" She screams at the monster.

The stranger staggers to his feet, looking where she does but seeing nothing.

"You're fucking crazy bitch!"

And she shouldn't have said that because her monster flashes with anger yet again and charges at the stranger. He is lifted off the ground by the throat and held up to the wall.

The stranger grips at his throat but he cannot seem to breach thr touch of her monster.

"Put him down!" She shouts at him. "Fuck! Just let him go!"

The boogeyman looks back at her, making eye contact before releasing the stranger to crumple on her floor.

"Run." She tells him and he wastes no time, staggering to thr door and slamming it behind him.

When the door has closed she looks back at the boogeyman. "Fuck you! I don't belong to you!"

And, of course, he says nothing. Which only adds to her anger.

"Im twenty-six years old and I am tired of never having been really kissed or fucked by anything other than my own hand! So if I go out to get fucked, that is my goddamned right!"

She doesn't seem him move so much as she sees a blur of darkness and she feels her back hit the wall.

A hand is around her throat but this is not like what she has just seen. He is not hurting her, just pinning her in place.

The darkness seems to fade and she sees the outline of his face. Sharp and dark and angry.

"No one touches what's mine." He growls and the voice is deep and gravelly and it makes every hair stand on end.

Her mouth opens in shock and a tongue forces its way in. It is strong and thick and she nearly chokes as he claims her mouth

Large hands grope at her flesh, grabbing at her hips, her waist. There is no mercy in his grip or in his touch.

She is lifted against the wall, opposite from where the stranger had hung minutes before. Helen gasps and the boogeyman steps into her space. Her arms wrap around him, as if she’s afraid he’ll drop her.

His dark lips form a smile and his head tilts to the side in curious wonder.

“You want to be fucked, Helen?”

Her breath stutters and a hand pushes her skirt up her thigh.

She looks between them and, sure enough, her monster looks more human than usual. He is still half-shadow, but his anatomy resembles a human even if his skin feels… different. Thicker and a little leathery but soft.

Her skirt is around her hips and he rips the underwear off her body. Her arms tighten around him involuntarily at the shock.

There’s a sound from her monster, almost like a laugh, and his mouth descends on her neck. His teeth are sharp and they graze her skin so rough that she wonders if she’ll bleed.

But it doesn’t feel bad.

She looks at him and his eyes flash from black to red and back again. His hand moves and she looks down between them. A long, thick cock hangs between his thighs and… fuck, are they supposed to be that big?

But thoughts disappear from her head as his palm rests on her clit and his thick fingers tease her opening.

Helen gasps at the contact and John seizes the opportunity to push a finger fully inside her.

She cries out. It’s only a finger but it feels so good. It curls inside her and she leans into the wall, arching her back, as if she can get more of him into her.

“More!” She begs and tries to bounce on his finger.

The bogeyman growls and another finger breaches her core, stretching her. Helen keens at the contact. It’s a tight fit with both his thick fingers but she grinds down onto him while his thumb runs circles around her clit.

And fuck, she feels herself growing wetter, she feels herself getting hotter, and Jesus Christ. Has this been an option all this time? To have the boogeyman rocking up against her, inside her?

Why the fuck hadn’t he?

Bastard.

Her arms rescind from around him and she grabs his face, bringing it to hers and she kisses him again. Fuck.

Why does a monster taste so damn good?

How is the boogeyman the best kisser she has ever had?

Probably because he wouldn’t let anyone else touch her.

But fuck…

Maybe she didn’t want anyone else to touch her if her monster kept rubbing her clit like that.

She licks his mouth, sucks on that thick tongue. She wonders what it would feel like between her thighs. Later.

If her monster had proven anything, it was that he wasn’t going anywhere.

She reaches down between them and wraps her hand around his cock, without looking away from his face. His eyes flash red again as she touches the appendage and she licks her lips. Her hand runs his length and back down.

He is hot in her hand and it almost seems to pulse.

The boogeyman bares his teeth at her and, fuck, that’s hot.

Helen feels her toes curl and, god, he speeds up his fingers. They thrust inside her quickly, making her moan. Her hand tightens around his length and her monster makes a sound like a purr.

She wants him.

Helen angles his cock up and the boogeyman moves his fingers, watching her carefully.

She slides the tip up her slit, coating him in the juices, before positioning him at her entrance.

Her monster leans forward and fuck. Fuck.

His thick cock slowly slides into her, inch by inch. And it hurts and it’s glorious and she has never felt so full in all her life. A sound escapes her throat and she’s not even sure what it is but she knows that the boogeyman feels incredible.

Helen’s arms slip back around him as he gently thrusts into her.

“Fuck!” She moans and the boogeyman quickens his pace, growling again as he pushes himself deep inside of his woman. His. She has been his for years, even if she hasn’t admitted it.

He chose her.

He stayed with her.

No one got to touch her.

No one but him.

The boogeyman keeps his hips moving, fucking his sweet girl. Listening to the moans and the keens that stem from those sweet, plump lips.

Helen squeezes around him and he pushes her harder into the wall. Her soft, little body is rocked between it and him.

Helen swears again, pressing her head into the crook of his neck as he continues to abuse her little body.

He thrusts so hard she wonders if she might break, still she begs him for more.

"Harder! Fuck!"

The sounds her monster makes are not human but she can't bring herself to care as he fucks her harder and faster and pleasure builds within her until she can barely breathe.

Helen screams as her orgasm rushes her, hitting her like a freight train. And still, the boogeyman keeps going. Still pumping inside her.

He grabs her hair, suddenly, and yanks her head to the side exposing her neck.

She whimpers in pleasure before it turns to a scream as he bites into her neck.

The world fades after that.

…

He doesn't sleep but, after that night, he spends every night in her bed. She sleeps curled up to him and he holds her through the night.

Her life slips into an easy routine. She wakes up and her monster makes her coffee. Then she goes to work and counts down the hours until she can go home.

She eats dinner and then spends her nights alternating between Snuggling with the boogeyman on the couch and letting him fuck her into the mattress until she passes out.

When strangers ask her out, she tells them she is sorry, but she's taken.

It slips out one day, when she's being pressured at work but a man who doesn't believe her when she says she had a boyfriend.

"Well what's his name?"

"John."

Its the first thing she thinks and, when she tells him about it, he doesn't seem to mind. He especially doesn't mind when she cries out his new name while writhing under him.

People come and go.

But her boogeyman is there to stay.

He is no longer the monster under her bed; but in it.

#ignore the fact the gif is a woman #john is the monster under the bed #THE BOOGEYMAN is the monster under the bed #kinktober #john wick #john wick kinktober #helen wick #john x helen wick #helen x john wick #helen wick deserved better

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sleepychai-fics · 4 years

Text

Virgil x Pride!Reader - Anxious Pride

Request: @hhh-angels Hiiii ily do u think we could get a virgil x female reader where virgil is like... super anxious but gets confident around reader, and reader is a new side like pride or something but is secretly really anxious cause drama?? Idk just a thought (bonus point for Virge being jealous that Pride is hanging out with the other sides even though they're not together and the other sides making fun of him for it) ;) okay luv u mwah

Im so sorry for posting this later than usual, i hope its ok. Not the best i could come up with, im sorry. I hope it good enough.

Pronouns: Neutral

Words: 1293

Buy me a Ko-fi? ←(link in bio)

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Whenever Virgil sees you chatting it up with any of the other sides, he gets this weird feeling.

He knows exactly what the feeling is, but he will deny it with his entire being. He hates it and will never admit anything to anyone about it.

You’ve only been here for barely a month and he’s already crushing hard on you. It’s like he’s a teenager again. He hates it. But he can’t help but admit he wants you, so badly.

“You’re stalking her.” Remus whispers directly into his ear. Virgil jumps off the chair, whipping around to face Remus and Janus. They both dawn on their own sinister smiles, eyes glinting with mischief.

“What the fuck?!” Virgil whisper-shouts at them. “I am not stalking them.”

“You’re right.” Janus speaks up. “I believe the proper term for it is ‘eyeballing’.”

The two dark sides laugh at Virgil as he berates them with a huff.

“You know, there is a thing called talking. Try it with them.”

Virgil practically snarls at Remus before marching away from them.

He can still hear their obnoxious laughter even as he enters the kitchen. He heads straight to the fridge, opening its door and grabbing a soda can.

“Hey Virge!” Patton hops beside him. “We’re just about to play a video game! Want to join?”

He looks up at Patton, seeing his bright smile, before glancing into the living room. Roman and Logan are both there, setting up the gaming box below the TV.

He almost says no, but then he sees you with an arm full of snacks, dumping them onto the table before grabbing a controller.

Without looking back at Patton, he answers. “Yeah. Sure. Why not.”

Patton’s smile brightens.

/\/\/\/\

After hours of playing video game after video game, it was finally decided that it was bedtime.

You had retreated to that idea an hour ago, having yawned yourself to sleep. For some reason, in your sleep you had grabbed onto and cuddled up to Virgil.

He was on the brink of a heart attack when it happened. He just froze, did not twitch a single muscle. Not just because he was shocked, but because he saw your peaceful sleeping face and didn't want to wake you.

So he sat still, only moving his fingers on the controller when his muscles began to ache and tingle with numbness, he did not move.

Roman throws out his arms in an eccentric yawn, before bidding goodnight and trekking upstairs to his bedroom, followed closely by Logan who did his own smaller yawn. Patton switches off the TV and the console before turning his attention to Virgil.

“Hey kiddo. Do you mind taking them up to their bed?” He whispers, just enough for Virgil to hear.

Virgil nods as a response, putting the controller down beside him.

Patton smiles, waves goodnight, and makes his own way up towards his room.

Slowly, Virgil inches away from you enough to slip off of the couch. His arms remain behind your head, ensuring it doesn’t move too much. Thankfully you don’t jostle from the movement.

He kneels in front of you on the floor, hooking an arm under your knees. As he stands up, he pulls you off the couch and to his chest.

You twitch at the change, but snuggle comfortably into Virgil. A blush paints his features at your reaction, but he pushes it away and turns to walk up the stairs.

Once he makes it to your room, he opens the door slowly with his foot, thanking whatever being is up there that your door had been left slightly ajar.

Although the room lacks light, it’s bright with a rainbow of colours. Pride flags are scattered throughout your room. Pinned on all your walls, one hanging across your room, practically acting as a curtain. Miniature flags are placed at random throughout your room. It’s the perfect room to have as the side of Pride.

Virgil steps up to your bed. He lays you down on top of the covers and gently rests your head on the pillow. He doesn’t want to move you around or risk waking you up while trying to drag the blanket out from under you, so instead, Virgil goes and grabs a spare blanket from the hallway closet.

He lays the blanket on top of you, gently tucking it in around your frame.

He can’t help but sit there and watch you sleep. Creepy, he knows. But to see you with such a peaceful expression makes his heart flutter in awe.

Virgil stands up, getting ready to leave you be.

“Virgil?”

He flinches at your soft call of his name. He must’ve woken you up. He turns to face you, catching your half-lidded gaze.

“Can you stay with me for a bit? Please?”

At first, Virgil is surprised that you don’t seem mad at the disturbance to your sleep. He expected you to be annoyed with him and kick him out of your room and yell in frustration. But you somehow want the opposite. Well, who is he to deny your wishes?

With a nod, Virgil returns to kneel beside your bed.

“Are you okay?” It’s against his better judgement to ask you, but he feels like something is wrong with you, and he wants to see if he can get you to tell him.

You remain silent for a minute before you speak. “Can I say something? No judgement?”

“Of course.” Virgil couldn’t have replied faster if he tried. “What’s on your mind?”

You hesitate for a bit, eyes looking anywhere but Virgil. “I’m always scared whenever Thomas goes out to places.”

He tilts his head as he responds. “What are you scared of?”

A soft sigh heaves out from you as you shrug. “Being hunted down. I know I’m over exaggerating but I think you get my point.”

Virgil nods. He knows these thoughts all too well. He lifts his hand up and gently rests it on your cheek. Your eyes flick up to meet his. He can’t help the way his heart clenches at the sight of tears brimming your eyes.

“I’m scared we’ll get kicked out of every place we enter. Scared to be humiliated and claimed an outcast and be kicked to the streets.”

Virgil can’t take it anymore. He lets his instincts take over. He stands up, causing you to flinch and close your eyes. For a second, you’re afraid he’ll leave you alone. But that fear disappears once you feel the mattress dip behind you.

Virgil’s arm curls around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His other arm slips underneath your head, acting as a secondary pillow.

“There’s no need to be scared. I get it. I understand where that fear comes from. But I think you forget how many people love and respect Thomas for who he is.”

You’re stunned into silence. You didn’t think about that. You forgot how much his online fans love him. How much everyone who knows Thomas loves him.

“Think of his fans as a personal army of love,” Virgil continues. The hand around your waist gently latches onto yours. His instincts are running on overdrive. Man is he lucky you can’t see his face right now. “And the Pride Knights are a thing.”

A soft chuckle escapes from you. “I forgot about the Pride Knights.” Running on your own instincts, you nestle closer into Virgil, letting his warmth cascade throughout your body.

“Thank you Virgil.”

Virgil hums, tilting his head to nuzzle his face in your hair. “You’re welcome. I’m always here for you. No matter what.”

Smiles spread across both of your features, the comfort of the embrace guiding the both of you down the trail of blissful sleep.

#tss #Thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #virgil x reader #virgil sanders x reader #pride!reader #sanders sides x reader

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klariwitch · 3 years

Text

You’ll Love Me Again

No one ever really mentioned all the symptoms that comes with heartbreak. For one, your heart quite literally hurt. It burned. Not in the sorts that felt like heart burn, but more so like it was falling. The feeling of weightlessness. Yet, at the same time you felt as heavy as can be. From there its just full on misery. Y’know how people will say they feel like they just got hit by a truck? Yeah. Yeah its that.

“I’m uh, how do i put this without you going all vigilante mode on me? I’m into your sister,” Kon was grinning stupidly now.

Oh!

oh.

Tim felt his heart sink and then the nausea began to settle in.

“My? My what?” Tim shook his head in disbelief. Kon didn’t like him. He liked-

“Cass. Kon likes Cass, Steph,”

“Yknow when I see him next, you best believe I’m bringing that kryptonite ring, I’m gonna-“

“I feel sick to my fucking stomach,” the Robin sobbed over the phone.

read the rest on ao3

The answering voice sighed. She still felt the shock of Tim crying on the phone with her, about a boy of all things. And, although the she wanted to slap the living shit out of the both of them, she also knew it was best to be calm and to let him cry on. “I know, I feel you Timmy, been there, done that,” she gave the phone a sad smile.

“I can’t even comprehend how that’s a thing. Seriously, Steph, how?!” His eyes seemed to bulge, one step closer to completely freaking out. He laid back on his bed, the phone still close to pressing against his ear, and salted tears running down his reddened cheeks.

He was a bat. A detective. Trained by old comics and the world’s greatest himself, batman. So, how on earth was he feeling so sunk by all these emotions? Why so much all this once? How was he to cry over the phone to Stephanie Brown over not just a boy, but the superboy. And, not just because he didn’t like him back—no, that wasn’t even able to be gotten out—but because he planned to ask out Tim’s own sister.

“Could my life really get anymore amusing, Steph? This is fucking humiliating,”

“Tim, I’m seriously so sorry this just all around sucks. Were you really planning on telling him, though?” The voice questioned over the device.

“Yes,” the boy cringed, “ I had a whole speech planned out to tell him tonight. Talk about bad timing,” his breath slowed. Without all the tears now, he felt tired. So completely drained for ever believing his best friend would ever see him much more than just that. Best friends.

“Why don’t you just spend some time away from him? Not exactly to cut off all contact, but more so just hanging out less? Maybe start making up excuses like Bruce needs you working on a case more, or that your parents have been home?” She suggested.

Actually, it wasn’t the worst idea, either. Kon would be okay with him being busy, and in the meantime he would take that step back and convince himself Kon wasn’t really the one.

“You’re right,”

“I am, aren’t I? Y’know it actually feels really nice to hear you say that for once, maybe just once more?” The girl pressed playfully.

He scoffed. “Yeah wouldn’t you like that?” The Robins teased one another, after all she could always make him feel better. “Alright, I think I have to call it a night. I’m gonna go throw up and then to bed.” He wasn’t lying, either. For whatever reason after speaking to Conner his head hurt like hell and his stomach carried what felt like a flu virus.

“Goodnight, Tim,”

“Night, Steph,”

*****

“Well,”

“Well?”

“It’s been about a month,”

“Tim,”

“I think I’m actually okay this time. I don’t feel so achey around him anymore! I told you we met up after patrol tonight!” The boy exclaimed over the line, a smile captured on his lips.

“Okay, so, it went alright, then?” Steph asked. She cringed a bit. No way his feelings where just poof gone.

“Steph, it went great,” assured Tim. “I think we plan on doing the same thing tomorrow...it just nice to have my best friend back, yknow?”

“Tim, it’s really okay if you still need time, you know that, right?”

“Steph. I promise. I’m okay, my feelings for Kon are completely gone,”

*****

“You’re here on time” the boy in front of him called. A small chuckle arose, “did bats let you off early?”

“Yes, actually, how’d you know?” Tim smiled. He sat down right beside him on the edge of the rooftop. Ironically, sitting on top of a fifteen story building, next to a superhuman somehow managed to be the spot he always felt the safest. He assumed, it was all about the trust. All about a matter of not having to worry that Kon might decide to push him overboard unexpectedly, or even if the building suddenly gave out. The only fault there was, why did he still have that trust for him? Admittedly, Kon had never exactly tried to send him soaring off a rooftop, but wasn’t heart break a close equivalent?

“Tim?” The familiar hand waved in his face. Tim carefully swatted it away.

“What?”

“I asked you how your day was?”

“Oh,” Tim nodded. He even looked down as if his fingers might curate him the perfect move. Spoiler alert: they did not. “It was…well, I mean kind of slow? Patrol and all that,” the last bit came out as a mutter. Why was he there, again? Honestly, he couldn’t even look at him now. He had thought he was fine, really he did, but what exactly did fine mean? Ignorance, in this case.

The only problem was, he just couldn’t let go. In movies and literature it was always so much easier, because it just always works out for them. They have a promised happy ending. For Tim, none of that was a guarantee.

It was like..insurance. insurance that he did not have. Because, even when the character didn’t end up with their love, they still found something great—like a new person or happiness. And now, all happiness was looking like without Kon was a cold bottle of chardonnay stolen from his mother’s wine cabinet.

“Are you okay?” Kon asked then. His face carried worry and all kinds of fear.

Shit

shit

‘Don’t make me lie to you’ The shorter boy thought. He didn’t want to, it honestly wasn’t something he could find the energy for anymore. “I, uh,” he felt his phone vibrate under his thigh. He didn’t answer it, it would only be Steph wanting to know what was happening.

“What is it, Rob? Spit it out,” the meta pushed, a cheerful smile forming his face.

“I…don’t think I can?” Answered Tim.

“Huh, well, why not? Its okay, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

The raven haired boy just stared at him, mouth split open stupidly. “Right! Right. Yes, I know that,” he nodded.

“So?”

“Right…” he bit his lip till blood arose and the feeling of confidence came beside it. “Could I, show you, instead?” He requested.

“Sure? I mean, yeah. Of course you can, anything that helps,” Kon nodded willingly.

Was he really going to do that? Where was some sort of memory wiper when you needed it? He’d do anything to redo the last ten minutes.

He sighed. Was he really about to do this? In all fairness, he had been wanting to for some time. Okay, he’d do it. Okay. Maybe not? “Y’know what?” Tim turned. they were closer than he had thought they were. No going back now, right? He laughed sickly, “fuck it.” Evenly, his face melted to a smile as he leaned him, pressing his lips ever so gently against Kon’s.

He couldn’t believe it. He was kissing Kon. His best friend. The boy who unknowingly broke his heart just months ago. This was...unbelievable. It always seemed like it was so incredibly out of reach and get here he was now, kissing him. Did that mean Kon really did like-

“Woah,” and just like that he was pushed away. He’d have to fight through the tears at an arms length distance now. “Hey, sorry, Tim I’m flattered, really, it’s just-“

“Okay, look, I probably should have waited, I just, I don’t know? Ever since you were talking about Cass I just couldn’t get you off my mind, and that’s why I stayed away for so long. Look, most people can just watch, too Kon. Most can just love from afar and wait. Im sorry, but I can’t do that. Im not that person, okay? I’m selfish. So selfish. I hate that I am and i’m sorry, but I can’t just watch, okay? I can’t,” Tim heaved a breath. He wanted to get it all out so bad and now he had spoiled the vibe. “Im sorry to burst your perfect little bubble, I just fucking can’t. Now I see it was a mistake too, because i thought you liked me back. I really did,” his lip bled. Biting too hard again? “You just don’t get it, okay? We’re supposed to be together. Everyone thinks so. We’re best friends, Kon. We’re the beautiful love story. Look, I’ve been telling myself that forever, and you’re just supposed to feel the same,” he shrugged. Just as if it was no big deal.

Kon groaned. He considered for a moment to grab ok to his hands but for obvious reasons that wasn’t exactly appropriate. “Tim. Hey, you don’t have to apologize. Im glad you told me. To be honest, I kind of like you too,”

“Wait, really?” Tim smiled, searching the meta’s face for any truth.

“What? Are you even listening to me? Tim, I’m sorry but I can’t be apart of your little fantasy..” It was clear it pained his friend to say al this. “We’re not some sort of destined couple or whatever you think we are. It just doesn’t work that way, okay?”

Oh. So, not as he expected.

Right

“Well, why not?” The Robin urged, hurt growing in his blue eyes.

“I’m dating Cass,” breathed Kon. “Look, we were going to tell you tomorrow but then all of this happened...I’m sorry, I should have told you,”

Ouch. Fuck. Again?

“Right,” was all he could mutter. “I’m uh. I’m sorry, Kon,” he had to leave. Had to get out of there fire his eyelids broke like dams and he had to muffle his own screams. “I think I’m going to head out, actually..goodnight, Kon,” Tim sighed. He walked off then, taking deep breaths to help ignore the boy calling his name behind him. He could catch him if he wanted to. Easily. Obviously he didn’t want to. Kon loved Cass...not Tim.

****

“I kissed him,”

“You what?!” The voice over the phone sounded livid.

“Yeah, yeah I know stupid, right?” Tim sighed. He sat on his bed, holding a chilled glass of chardonnay, just as he had promised himself.

“Im guessing it didn’t go so well?”

He could hear her cringe over the phone. Tim didn’t respond. Instead, he simply sipped his drink: dry. This one was eruopean as were most of the others, rolled in oak barrels and some sort of fruit. It was like drinking Kon’s scent. Whatever cheap cologne he decided to douce himself in every morning some how crawled its way into his head to torture him. He set the glass down.

“Im sorry, Tim, you really-”

“Its okay, Steph, really,” insisted Tim, having cut her off.

“Is it?” The girl asked genuinely.

“Yes. I’ve decided I cannot change it, so yes, its fine,”

“Wow. Okay. Thats, that’s actually very mature of you,”

The robin nodded, although obviously not visible.

“Goodnight, Steph,” he called into the phone.

“Goodnight, Tim,” she huffed back, right before leaving him in inconsiderable silence.

The boy picked up the wine glass again. He stared deeply into the few bubbled and cringed with the inhale of smoke and aged French oak.

“You’re really messing with my mind, huh, Conner Kent?”

Tim glanced around. His room was gloomy. sad. Dimmed. He wished for Kon to come light it up a bit, yet he didn’t. They’d be apart for now, but he’d turn around eventually. He would get his fantasy.

#timkon #kon el #Tim Drake #kontim #Stephanie Brown #cassandra cain #Red Robin #Superboy #timkon ao3 feed #dunneltag879 #ao3 #timkon ao3

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dazed--xx · 4 years

Text

Alone

REQUEST: *Hi see you mentioned about story requests. I'm having a hard time since I'm currently pregnant and my partner walked out on me, so could you do one when Jungkook where I meet Jungkook and he helps me raise the baby please*

Summary: “I'm pregnant Jungkook.” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-”

GENRE: Mild-Angst, Fluff

Member: Jungkook x Pregnant!reader

Word count: 2,132

A/N: so this is literally my first fanfic ever and i hope you guys like it. and to the person that requested this I wanted to tag you because i did post it but i didnt want to kind of call you out online especially since this was based on something you have personally happening to you, trust me pregnancy is scary let alone having to go it alone so if you need someone to talk to im here btw.. but hopefully you guys like this it was pretty good i wanna post a couple of requests a day since i banged this out as quickly as i did im taking more requests just inbox me or go to my ask let me know if you want your name attached to the request and i will send everyone that i know requested a specific story i will tag and send it to you so you know it is done but without further ado ALONE

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“Where are you going? Do you really expect me to do this alone?” I shouted to the already abandoned house. A swell in my throat rises and I can't breathe. My body shakes as the tears take over. I fall to my knees running my hand over my stomach. “Don’t you worry baby; Daddy will be back he loves you I promise” I say to the life growing within my womb.

The warmth from the comforter consumes me as I awaken with dried tears in my eyes. My heart aches as I remember the events from the past 12 hours. The thick silence takes hold of my heart and it begins racing. My heart beat sounding as if it is being played on a speaker the size of a skyscraper. Feeling the bile rise in my throat, rushing to the bathroom, I empty out the contents of my stomach. Tears escape my eyes as I reach out to the void. I'm alone truly.

My first OBGYN appointment rolls around and my heart is in my stomach. The nurse escorts me in, slowly my feet turn into lead as I drag myself onto the cot in the room and lay back facing the monitor. Once I feel that cool gel upon my stomach, my heart settles and the most beautiful BUMP BUMP BUMP is heard throughout the room. My eyes focus on the image in front of me. “well congrats sweetie you're about 10 weeks, Due September 27. Remember no stress and make sure to take your prenatal. We’ll see you next week” My ultrasound technician announces excitedly. I smile anxious as to what I should do next.

I make my way to a small café after my appointment wanting a small tea to calm my nerves. Looking around the coffee shop I notice quite the crowd and my panic begins to set in. It feels like I can't breathe while the crowds begin to grow as the café reaches the brink of rush. More and More people pour through the door as my anxiety takes over and I feel the bile rising again, I abandon my spot in line trying to make it to the restroom before I release the contents of my stomach all over the café floor. The restroom door becomes the only thing in sight to me as I dash for it. I reach for the handle and the door opens and I slam into a hard chest and soon I am on the floor.

“HOLY CRAP!!! IM SO SORRY I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION” A angelic voice apologized above me. My eyes drift from the floor up to see the most amazing man I've ever seen in my life with his hand out and my voice gets caught in my throat. I stare at him for a while capturing every detail of his face and take his hand. I nod quickly and mutter a fast “Sorry” and dash around the beautiful man and lose myself behind the safety of the door. I was dreading walking back out into the craziness of the café, but excited to see if I could once again get a glimpse of the gorgeous man from before.

Soon I am back in line and order my tea, when a familiar voice sounds from next to me “You know.... you should let me pay you back for your drink you know...since I hurt you” Shocked I turn my head to see the same beautiful man from before. “Oh, please don’t worry about it I really wasn’t paying attention either it's not a big deal” I smile shyly. “Besides I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than to buy a stranger a drink” He laughs “Honestly, Beautiful, I don’t really have anything to do with my time that doesn’t involve getting to know you” Heat creeps up to my face and I lower my gaze and smile. “I don’t need you to pay me back for my tea for you to be able to get to know me, but unfortunately I gotta go” I say slowly moving past him. “At least let me get your number...please” He asked “You don’t even know my name and you want my number?” “Hey I know what I want and I feel like me knowing your name won't matter much cause I probably won't be calling you anything other than mine” I let out a small giggle “ that was super corny but since you're trying so hard give me your phone” I put my number in his phone and hand it back to him and walk toward the door “By the way my name is Y/N” as I make my exit I hear him shout back “Jungkook!”

As the weeks pass, I find myself talking more and more to Jungkook. He still hasn’t stopped flirted with me as much as he did that day in the café but we talk everyday about almost everything and I can't help but feel scared to tell him I am having a baby. What would he say? Will he not want to talk to me anymore? Would he not like me as much? A loud RING pulls me out of my thoughts as my phone lights up with Jungkook's name and photo comes up on my screen.

“Hey, what's up cutie?” He says excitedly

“Not much, just lying in bed not feeling too good today” I respond pouty

“Aw, do you need anything? Medicine? I can bring you soup it'll make you feel better I know you said you went out with your friend last night are you hungover?” The worry evident in his voice.

“Um honestly no um I can't drink so I'm definitely not hungover just different I know what it is though I'll be fine” the nervousness in my voice is evident

“what's wrong then beautiful? Is everything okay?” Oh no... not that question. He’s worried and I know he is but I don’t know what to say. I can't stop it the words just rush out of my mouth like the bile I throw up every morning

“I'm pregnant Jungkook....I'm 14 weeks pregnant” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-” No listen Kookie cause I really like you and I didn’t mean to keep this from you I was just scared that you would hate me” “Y/N-” “I mean I know you just met me a couple weeks ago and it wouldn’t mean much for you to just walk away from this because let's be honest who wants to deal with that-” “Y/N! JUST STOP AND LISTEN PLEASE!” The words stop flowing as quickly as they began.

“Do you think id stop liking you because of the simple fact that you're pregnant, I mean yeah it does suck that you're going to have someone else's baby but I don’t care about that... WAIT! Is that why your ex left?” I stay silent

“Baby....are you there?” He asks worried.

“Baby girl???”

“Beautiful are you okay? Hello?”

I sniffle “Yeah I’m here sorry” my voice cracks at every word.

“Baby are you crying? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, I'm fine I promise I'm going to go to bed okay? Goodnight handsome I'll talk to you in the morning” “wait what no I'm com-” I cut him off to end the already overwhelming call. My vision blurs as the tears cascade down my face and I let out a harsh sob. I was scared for nothing or he's just too optimistic. A loud knock on the door grabs my attention.

“who is it?” fear leaking out in my tone. “Baby it's me open up” I hear Jungkook's melodic voice through the door. Quickly I swing the door open to be greeted with the man I've grown so accustomed to in the past few weeks. Taking in the sight of him my heart begins to race as the tears began to no longer form. He reaches his arms around me and pulls me against him. “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You really thought that would make me just leave. How could I do that when in the past few weeks, you’ve stolen my heart” He looks at me and there's a hunger in his eyes as they shift down to my lips. “aww fuck it” he exclaims as his lips capture mine. His arms wrap around my waits as my hands get lost in his soft midnight hair. After a while he pulls away and a small whimper is released from my mouth. “Do you know HOW long I've wanted to do that” he exclaims excitedly with a smile plastered across his face.

After that night Jungkook never left my side, everything I craved he got, Anytime I felt nauseous Jungkook was there. It became routine with him his calls became more frequent on days he knew I had appointments and he went to every ultrasound. His excitement for my baby was shown one day when I came home from work and my whole apartment was filled top to bottom with diapers bottles and wipes. Jungkook was still too nervous to buy much because he felt he was taking part of the experience from me and the fact that we still don’t know what the baby is yet. As the date rolls around to the appointment it's all Jungkook can talk about. He wants a girl every five seconds he reminds me it's always “Baby do you think the princess will like me? I mean I want her to know I care and that I love you” which is why he was so heartbroken when he could not make it to the gender reveal appointment because of a last-minute practice session. “Please promise to call me right after you find out okay baby?” He begs sadly before he left for the morning.

After the appointment my heart swelled with joy as I turned into my driveway to see Jungkook's car sitting there. As soon as I unlocked the door, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and feel kisses peppered up my neck “Hey, Baby how did your appointment go? How are you feeling?” he says in-between kisses. A blush creeps up onto my face “Yeah, it went great baby is a growing good and healthy, so I have to tell you something” I state biting my bottom lip and looking toward the ground.

“Oh god what's wrong? Is our princess okay?” his use of the word our makes my heart skip a beat “OUR? And the baby is fine....” I look at him pointedly and his hand runs through his hair as his face turns beet red as he slowly stutters out “I mean....um... I'm sorry I didn’t mean to just assume that you wanted me involved but it's so hard not to be when I'm so in love with you that I don’t care if I wasn’t the one that got you pregnant that’s my baby and you’re my girl so yeah our.... so, what is you have to tell me?” I kiss him softly at his words. I beam at him “You're literally so amazing I can't believe you would even consider any of this I know it's a lot to ask for someone to be involved with someone who is pregnant and all I appreciate it baby BUT unfortunately it's not a princess we got blessed with, handsome” as I put his hand on my stomach and his face twists into confusion “what do you-WAIT! IT’S A BOY? FORREAL? IT’S A BOY?” the smile cannot be contained on his face as he comes to the realization.

"Yes, it’s a boy” I state as Jungkook lifts and twirls me around I laugh.

Jungkook happily exclaims “Oh my god, I'm gonna have a son.” Jungkook drops to his knees and places his hand on my stomach and softly speaks “Hey handsome, its daddy, no I'm not your real daddy baby but I'm going to love you and your mommy like I am. I can't imagine a world without you I can't wait to meet you”

I stand there smiling knowing.......Jungkook won’t ever leave me alone

#bts imagines #btsjungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts angst #bts fluff #bts request #bts x reader

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shanaraki · 3 years

Text

OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.

DAY ONE.

—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——

I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.

However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.

I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.

I'm better now.

This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...

I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.

There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.

I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.

I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".

There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.

I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.

How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).

So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.

Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.

This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.

I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.

I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".

I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.

I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.

And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.

I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.

This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.

It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.

I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.

I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.

No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.

Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.

#Shan's personal diary

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