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ddarker-dreams · 3 years

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Saturnine. Yan Chrollo x Reader [SMUT]

Tags/warnings: Dubcon, oral sex, creampie, my brain melting, condescending ???, Chrollo always has smth to say Word count: 2.2k. Note: it is finally done .

When gazing into the mirror, it should be easy to recognize the reflection staring back as your own. It’s the sight you’ve seen your entire life. Maybe the light in your eyes is less noticeable and your smiles no longer appear genuine, but in the end, it still physically bears your image.

You shiver at the chilly air kissing your bare skin, goosebumps erupting at the lack of clothing. Thin fabric clings tightly around your body, sheer and intricate in its lace design, yet astonishingly soft to the touch. It accentuates the swell of your chest, the black as midnight fabric stopping just shy above your midriff. A matching thong connects to sheer thigh highs through a garter belt to complete the set. Never in your life can you recall wearing such a lascivious outfit. Nor did you think you’d ever wear one for him.

Covering your exposed cleavage with your arms, you lower your head, fingernails pressing so harshly against your skin that it hurts. The pain serves to ground you in reality, proof that this is happening and not a dream.

“Did I… do this right?” You murmur, not used to how Chrollo is wordlessly assessing your trembling figure. Normally the air is full of conversation, equal parts rigid and provocative, a verbal game you’ve been forced to navigate. You still prefer the mind games over this maddening silence. You’re convinced he can hear the way your heart pounds viciously as if it was attempting to free itself from your body altogether, the current stress it’s under too much to withstand.

Chrollo moves a step closer and you take a deep, shaky breath. Grey eyes rake over your body, like a predator monitoring its prey, inspecting every inch of you. He spreads his fingers against your stomach, coarse fingers gliding over your skin, gradually moving upwards.

“Mm. You did perfectly.” His voice is rich and husky against your ear, spoken lowly so that only you may hear it. When his fingers reach their intended target, he cups your chest and lays his head on your shoulder. You watch his actions in the reflection of the mirror, glossy lips parting but no words managing to form on your tongue. Emotions swirl within you like an unrelenting vortex. Repulsion. Frustration. Shame. That it came to this, lowering yourself to a level you never wanted to be reduced to.

While you ruminate in your misery, Chrollo presses featherlight kisses from the crook of your neck to your jaw. His lips are soft and well taken care of, curling into a smile at how your pulse quickens. There are numerous mysterious surrounding Chrollo, but you do not doubt that he’s enjoying himself now. Your attention is brought back to his hands on your chest and how he kneads them. A blush ignites when you feel something hard press brush your ass, already guessing what it is.

“S-so you’re going to,” you struggle to get out, releasing a gasp when he suddenly pinches your nipple, “Keep… keep your promise, right?”

The clarification is for your peace of mind. An internal justification is necessary to continue with this illicit act, doubts plaguing your mind. You feel his chest rumble against your back, a deep chuckle leaving him. Regret comes swiftly, knowing that anytime you speak to Chrollo his responses sting deep, piercing your skin and festering.

One of his hands comes to your jaw, tilting your head back to look at him. The proximity has your eyes wide as a doe, his warm breath fanning against your face, dark tresses of hair tickling your face. His grip is tight but not painful. A not so subtle reminder of the Phantom Troupe leader’s innate strength, that goes beyond any measurement your mind could conjure up. Your squeeze your eyes shut when he leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to the edge of your lips.

“What if I don’t?” Chrollo’s question has you frowning, eyelids fluttering open so you can shoot him a glare. He stares back unfazed, amusement visible from his closed mouth smile and relaxed posture, clearly not feeling intimidated by your little show. You decide to give it some thought, knowing he’ll scrutinize your response if not chosen carefully. Though, it’s admittedly difficult to concentrate when your face is burning up and his hand is still groping your chest.

Swallowing thickly, you arrive at a half-decent comeback. “I’ll… I’ll hate you.”

It sounded far better in your head.

Chrollo raises an eyebrow at your rebuttal but decides to entertain it. “Don’t you already?”

“I’ll hate you even more,” comes your reply, stumbling out before you could think it over. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, he doesn’t take visible offense. Instead, the bastard laughs again. Affectionately, Chrollo brushes his knuckles over your cheek, mirth dancing in his eyes.

“Even more, huh,” he hums, your nonsensical ramblings sounding worse when repeated back. “If that’s the threat I’m contending with, then I’ll be sure to stick to my word.”

You’re not exactly reassured by this, but decide to leave it for now. Suddenly, Chrollo steps back, freeing you from his grip. Before you can ask about what he’s doing, his hands start loosening his belt. Ah. So the time for negotiating is over. His dress pants fall, revealing a prominent bulge pushing against his briefs.

“Now get on your knees for me.”

It wasn’t a request. You do as he says, hyper-aware of how he’s staring at you, the tile from your shared master bedroom cold against your shins. To save what little modesty you have remaining, you readjust your bra so your chest no longer threatens to spill out. Heartbeat picking up in pace, you lift a shaky hand, palming his crotch through the fabric.

The muscles in his thighs tighten, yet every other aspect of him remains thoroughly composed. Playing with the waistband, you slowly pull it down, revealing Chrollo’s half-hard member. It’s long, around six inches when erect, with a prominent vein that you’ve learned is rather sensitive. Precum is already leaking from the head, a sight that worsens the blush on your face.

Chrollo runs his hands through your hair, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. You pick up on the unspoken encouragement to not keep him waiting. Readjusting yourself into a more comfortable position, you take his dick fully into your hands, giving it a tentative stroke to test the waters. No verbal response. He’s excellent at maintaining his composure, creepy as it may be. Pumping his cock from the base, you bow your head down, eyelids fluttering shut as you kiss and lick the tip. That earns you a sharp inhale and a tightened grip but nothing else. Wetting your lips with your tongue, you continue licking the tip while jerking him off, noting that his cum has a slight salty taste to it.

Now that your confidence has somewhat been built up, you part your lips to take more of him in, getting adjusted to his size. Chrollo lets out a shaky exhale, fingers curling deeper into your hair. It’s difficult to get into a solid rhythm as your anxiety is unrelenting. Being so vulnerable in front of a person whose hands, which are now intertwined with your hair, have slaughtered countless people.

He could do the same to you at any time, you think, despite his insistence for not wanting to. Hollowing out your cheeks, you manage to take more of him in, stopping just shy as not to activate your gag reflex. It makes your stomach churn when he lovingly strokes your cheek, looking down at you with eyes glazed over with crazed lust. Of course, he wouldn’t make this easy on you and act different — he continues with the delusion that this is love.

“Eager, now are we?” Chrollo laughs breathlessly. You decide to ignore the comment, too focused on having him finish so you can move on with your night. The low groans and whispers of your name are starting to affect you, a factor that only adds to your shame.. Pangs of heat are building up in between your legs, which you subconsciously rub together in a feeble attempt to relieve yourself. Chrollo quietly groans, content at the sight, dick twitching in your mouth. You wish he hadn’t noticed just how turned on you’re growing — not that you’re surprised with how unfairly observant he is — fully prepared for more scathing comments.

“I’m glad you stopped being so stubborn,” he pushes himself deeper into your mouth, gripping your head tightly enough not to let you move away, “So I can finally have my way with you.”

You wince at how he forces his dick down your throat, tears stinging the corners of your eyes and lungs screaming for air. Chrollo drinks in the sight, shuddering, bucking his hips, and pulling your face as tight against him as he can. You figure his release is getting closer from how erratic his movements are growing. At least it’ll be over soon. This line of thought is interrupted as he pulls away, saliva and cum connecting your mouth to his dick in a thin line, which has you frowning. Relishing the opportunity to regain yourself, your lungs greedily gulp in air, and you cough from his previous actions.

Chrollo extends a hand out to you which you hesitantly accept. The more human side is starting to show, his skin sheening with sweat, bare chest heaving for air much like yours, and black tresses sticking to the sides of his face. Your lips part, intending to ask why he stopped. He places both his just hands below your ass, hoisting you up as if you weighed nothing. Yelping, you struggle and cling to him as not to fall, eyes wide with confusion.

“W-what—”

“Wrap your legs around me,” he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead and you do as he says, scared that you’ll fall otherwise. “Mm. Good girl.”

Chrollo carries you over to the wall, your back pressing against the hard surface and feeling its coolness on your bare skin. After thinking about it for a moment, you understand what it is he intends to do next, tightening your grip around him. He positions the head of his cock against your opening, smiling at how wet you are. At least he’s too focused to comment on your current state. You look to the side, not wanting to see the pleased expression you know is on his face.

“I’ll take care of you after,” Chrollo promises, slowly pushing himself inside you. You take a deep breath, gripping his shoulders tightly, fingernails digging into his skin. At least he’s allowing you to adjust. You yelp when he grabs a fistful of your hair, tugging it so that you look him dead in the eye. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Hm?”

A half-choked out moan leaves your lips as he fills you, feeling his sizeable length stretching you out.

“Y-yes,” You pant, carnal desire outweighing any solid reasoning at the moment. Chrollo continues to pound relentlessly into your cunt, burying his face in your neck. He’s coming undone, fucking you with a strength that has you breathless. You catch occasional guttural groans of your name and don’t want to admit how nice it sounds.

“I always knew you’d come around.”

The sound of skin on skin fills the room, mixed in with his grunts and your moans. Squeezing your ass, his thrusts grow erratic, before he finally stills. Chrollo releases deep inside you, pulling you down onto him, hot ropes of cum filling you and seeping out.

He grits his teeth, shuddering at his release. All is still for a moment aside from your heavy chests. Chrollo gathers himself before you do, slowly pulling himself out. You feel his cum as it drips out of you and bite your lip at the possible implications. Everything is so warm and your body feels terribly sore, having to clutch onto him for stability when he puts you back down. Chrollo doesn’t seem to mind this, laughing as he runs his hands through your mousled hair.

“How precious.”

You yelp when he picks you up, bridal style this time, your face pressing against his chest.

“It looks like you needed some help there, dear.” Chrollo hums, placing you down onto the bed with a gentleness you weren’t used to. There’s no way any normal human could be this collected already. Taking deep breaths, you attempt to calm yourself, not wanting to be completely undone before him. Chrollo watches with intrigue while you do so, his eyes piercing through your trembling body. When you finally manage to get your breathing steady, he gently pushes your shoulders down and spreads your legs.

“Now, about that promise of mine,” he presses open-mouthed kisses from your ankle to your thighs, “I intend to keep it. We’ll keep going until you’re no longer able to stand.”

#chrollo lucilfer #chrollo x reader #chrollo imagine #chrollo lucilfer imagine #chrollo #yandere chrollo #yandere chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo lucilfer #yandere #yandere x reader #not sfw #tw: dubcon #yandere hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter imagine #hxh x reader #yandere hxh x reader #my stuff

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hailbop1701 · 3 years

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Curing a Rainy Day

A sort of five times Star Trek gen fic for your viewing pleasure. I mentioned I would write it but please be aware that I wrote this on my phone late at night and I has no beta. Typos and mistakes will be found. 🤣

-H❤🖖

Word Count: 2,166

Sulu:

Leonard McCoy wasn’t a huge touchy-feely type of man. Well, that’s what he really wants folks to think anyway. He was a doctor and that meant it was his oath-bound duty to cure what ails his patients. Whether it was from a physical malady or an emotional one. The first time he initiated his “Rainy Day Cure” --title courtesy of his daughter-- to one of the command crew he was surprised that it was Sulu of all people. If Len were being honest he thought it would have been Jim. Sure he had hugged the kid in the past but he always let Jim be the one to initiate contact. The reason why is complicated and a story for another time.

When he found him the young pilot was huddled alone in Observation Room Five, his shoulders hunched, his down so his eyes were hidden and mind lightyears away. Leonard had a feeling he knew where. The chaos after Khan and Marcus had caused a lot of damage, and not all of it was physical. They were all still healing even a year later. They had left Kronos not three hours ago and according to the mission report, Sulu’s younger sister was…

Not who she claimed to be. ‘Yuki,’ McCoy recalled her name lamely as he made his way loudly over to the depressed man.

She revealed that she worked for Section 31 and was determined to fix the Federation the right way. Though the term “Right way” is skewed for many folks. War was almost started, again and the Enterprise had to stop it, again. Section 31 now had the last little pebble of Red Matter and was holding it like a…” Nuclear deterrent” as the old saying goes.

Shaking his head Leonard pushed recent events to the back of his mind and continued on his own mission. Plopping down on the couch that faced the giant window of stars, McCoy leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees.

He didn’t offer his apologies or sympathies, he knew Sulu didn’t want them. So they sat in silence. Sulu just shook his head and looked up at the doctor with confusion and betrayal in his eyes. “I don’t - I” he stopped swallowing and the helmsman looked so young Leonard didn’t even think about it until after he had already done it.

He wrapped an arm over Hikaru’s shoulder and squeezed. Sulu stilled for a moment before relaxing and saying what needed to be said, a weight slowly lifting off his shoulders and his chest.

Scotty:

Leonard and Scotty were both having a terrible terrible time. The cold sucked in Leonard’s opinion and being trapped on an ice ball of a planet only confirmed his feelings. Looking over at the Enterprises Chief Engineer, Leonard had a feeling that he wasn’t alone in his thoughts and feelings.

The Scot was curled into a tight ball up against the last running console the entire ‘Fleet base had. He was shivering and muttering to himself, glaring at the distress signal he had rigged up. There was nothing they could do but wait. Rubbing his hands together to warm them Leonard moved toward the console and slid down to the floor next to Scotty. Touching shoulders with Scotty, McCoy tucked his hands under his arms and sighed. There was nothing he could really say to ease the engineer’s anxiety -- which stemmed from Delta Vega no doubt -- so he simply let his presence be enough.

Scotty glanced at Leonard to see that he was looking back at him with calm understanding. Grunting Scotty curled himself closer to the CMO and let the man wrap an arm around his shoulders. They didn’t speak a word and only moved when they heard the sounds of the rescue party on the other side of the sealed doors.

Chekov:

Pavel Chekov was the youngest of the command crew, so he was automatically protected and treated like the youngest sibling of a giant family. The navigator understood that his friends didn’t mean to and that it was just sometimes a reflex but he was getting damn tired of it. Today was his birthday, he had finally turned twenty! Chekov was so pleased to find that after the incident with Khan he was being treated like he should. There was one person who always treated him like he was young and precious.

Pavel found that he didn’t mind so much. Doctor McCoy treated almost everyone that way -- even though he wasn’t that much older than the rest of them -- in an almost fatherly manner. A true caretaker. Chekov allowed the behavior from no one but McCoy.

Leonard walked into “Rec Room Two” taking in the crowd with a softening scowl. A small wrapped parcel gripped in his hand. He looked down at the present, weighing it in his hands carefully. With a sigh, McCoy strode through the room looking for the birthday boy. Jim waved at him wildly from the other side of the room a huge grin on his face. Narrowing his eyes, Leonard saw that his captain wasn’t in fact drunk at all. Grunting in approval he smiled at Chekov who was hurrying over to greet him.

“Happy Birthday Pavel,”

Chekov grinned and his eyes widened at the present presented to him. Leonard gestured for him to open it and the young man did excitedly. The wrapping paper littered the floor a long black box in its place. Slowly opening the box the navigator knocked a silver antique pocket knife into his hands. Examining it closely he looked up at McCoy in confusion.

Leonard shifted nervously on his feet. Clearing his throat he pulled out a similar from his belt. “My daddy gave me this one to match his when I turned twenty. I know your pa wasn’t around as you grew up and so I thought…” his sentence fell into silence. For once Leonard McCoy was at a loss for words. Pavel quickly wiped a stray tear from his eye and grinned at his friend holding onto the gift tightly.

“Thank you doctor!” he said gratefully and Leonard understood that it was for more than just a knife. A small smile graced the CMO’s lips and pulled the kid in for a hug.

With anyone else, Pavel would have been annoyed. This was an exception.

Uhura:

Leonard was tired. He longed for his bed but as he looked around at all of the injured crew he pushed the longing away. There was no time for it. Rubbing the blurry fatigue from his eyes he pushed on. Triage, surgery, aftercare. He really didn’t truly stop to breathe until the middle of gamma shift when the ship was sleepy and quiet. The only noise was the soft beeps and whistles of monitors. His nurses quietly whispering and working.

Christine hours ago told him to stop worrying and to go to bed already but something in him just couldn’t. Blinking dumbly down at the PADD in his hands he sighed and signed off on the next round of Spock’s antibiotics. During the Enterprises most recent scuffle the bridge took a hit and the science station exploded sending the first officer flying, earning him a ticket to medical.

After the fight was over and things had only calmed down to a trickle of wounded instead of a flash flood, Nyota Uhura breezed through sickbay’s doors. She waited patiently and even helped where she could. When Spock came out of surgery and was placed in a private room she immediately went to his side and hasn’t moved an inch since. Jim would have been right beside her if he could afford to. But it appears the admiralty wanted words and had kept him busy since. McCoy had barely just convinced him to get some sleep saying that he would call if anything changes.

That was three hours ago.

Leonard walked -- though Nyota would say shuffled -- into Spock’s room, his eyes going straight to the monitors above the bed. The half Vulcan was resting peacefully. McCoy knew it was only a matter of time before he woke and would go into a healing trance. Something that should be monitored anyway. Leonard quietly wondered who he would grant the opportunity to slap Spock awake this time…

“Leonard!”

The sound of his name made the CMO snap his head in Uhura’s direction. Her eyes were fire, filled with frustration, exhaustion, and worry. McCoy winced, “Sorry Nyota, guess my mind wandered a bit,” he said somewhat sheepishly. Her expression softened a flash of guilt passing through her features.

“You need more rest. You’re going to run yourself into the ground at this rate,” she scolded half-heartedly. McCoy gave her a small smile and a shrug,

"I'll rest when I'm not needed." He whispered and badly covered up a yawn. The hidden meaning behind his words wasn't lost on the linguist though. She pressed her lips into a tight line deciding not to comment. Instead, she rested her gaze on Spock once more her hand inches away from his.

So deep in thought, Nyota hadn't even realized that McCoy had left and come back, a tray with a couple of hypos in his always unwavering hands. Catching her eyes he gave her another encouraging smile. He took care to tell her everything he was doing and how it would help keep infection away. Leonard knew he didn't have to explain but he felt it necessary to fill the quiet with "Illogical chatter" as Spock would surely call it.

Uhura was so tired and so frazzled that she was startled to find the CMO crouching in front of her with concern all over his face. "You need to get some rest Nyota. I can have a cot brought in if you'd like…"

Uhura, let a few tears fall before she bottled it up again. She shook her head wiping her face, "I'm alright Leo. Everything is just catching up to me…" she mumbled with a watery chuckle. Leonard snorted at the nickname she had given him,

"Just let me know darlin' "

And without truly thinking about it he pulled her into a hug. It only took Uhura a second to process what was happening before she wrapped her arms around him tightly. A genuine smile breaking across her face. The first time in hours she felt content, safe, and able to truly breathe.

Jim:

James T. Kirk was a touchy-feely type of man. Leonard supposed it may be from a less than stellar childhood. So whenever Jim would pull him into a one-armed hug or slapped his back or even leaned up against him, McCoy would let him. He would definitely bitch but only half-heartedly, Leonard needed to keep up appearances after all.

So when they found Jim partially dead, hanging from his wrists in a cave all smirks and charm…

Well, no one batted an eye when -- after he made sure that the man would live -- Leonard pulled his best friend in for a hug. Jim just laughed, laid an arm over McCoy's shoulder, and leaned into the hug.

"I only had to get tortured and offered to an alien God for you to hug me. Good to know,"

"Shut up Kid,"

Spock:

No one ever thought the words McCoy, Spock, and hug would ever be uttered but stranger things have happened on the Enterprise.

No stranger than an alien device that turned back time. In a physical sense anyway. Leonard looked down at his adolescent hands and sighed with a heavy eye roll. "Not this again," he grumbled with a shudder.

Looking around the room he saw Jim shouting at Mudd who had bought the alien weapon and decided to point it at him and Spock. McCoy tilted his head, his eyes going comically wide.

Spock!

Where was the green-blooded rugrat? Leonard looked around and sighed in relief at the sight of the first officer. He was hidden under a rickety wooden table. Crouching down Leonard gave Spock a small smile, he waved and gestured for the Vulcan to come closer. Apparently the younger you go the further your mind goes with it. Spock had a mentality of a...of well, a toddler. He couldn't have been more than two.

Spock stared at Leonard intensely before darting out and crashing into his legs. McCoy stumbled a little before he got his footing. Spock looked up at him with wide scared eyes, tears threatening to fall. 'Must have gotten all Vucan-y at four or five,' Leonard thought as he picked up his friend.

Leonard pulled Spock close, hugging him to his chest whispering softly. Spock seemed confused for only a moment before he buried his head into the young CMO's neck.

Jim of course saw it all and later under the threat of meeting his end via an airlock kept his mouth firmly shut. The only thing the Starship Captain said -- which everyone agreed-- Doctor Leonard McCoy could absolutely cure a rainy day.

Tags:

@lauraaan182, @chickadee-djarin, @cowenby2, @bluesclues-1234, @sayuri9908,

#star trek aos #leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #jim kirk #james t kirk #spock #mister spick #nyota uhura #pavel chekov #hikaru sulu #montgomery scott #fanfiction #hailey the queen of typos

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jediken0bi · 3 years

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Home

Summary:

After a rough case Spencer knows exactly what he needs to feel okay again. Or rather, who he needs

(no smut, pure fluff)

word count: 1747

On days like today, the only thing Spencer wants to do is be held by you. It took him some time to figure out that physical affection was something that could make him feel calm and content as opposed to the feeling of discomfort he used to experience every time someone invaded his personal space to go in for a hug or something of that sort. His best guess was that it's different with you because he loves you. Not like he loves Derek or JJ or any other member on his team, but in a way that feels all consuming sometimes.

He means that in the best way possible.

He fell in love with you almost as quickly as you fall asleep after a hard day in the shop. It overwhelmed him at first. He wasn't used to feeling with such intensity.

There was a time where Spencer believed he couldn't love and be loved in return. He didn't think he knew how. But you just walked into his life one day and before he realized it his heart had made the decision to love you.

He'd like to say that he doesn't remember what life used to be like without your constant reminders that you fell in love with him because of what he considers his quirks and not despite of them, or your cuddles that were usually followed by praise or words of encouragement, but the truth is he does remember.

He remembers how dull life felt before you. How lonely he was and how undeserving of love he felt all his life.

Sometimes he can't help but fear what would happen if you suddenly got tired of him.

But then he remembers the words you whisper to him ever so often when you feel him growing anxious:

"You're the brightest star in my galaxy, Spence"

It's cheesy and it's cliche but it soothes his soul like nothing else. Hearing you say those words makes him feel like he can finally let out that breath he's been holding all day long.

It's cheesy and it's cliche but it is perfect.

It's been a little over a week since you and Spencer have last seen each other. Sure, you've texted and called as often as your schedules let you and you even convinced him to facetime you once, but it just doesn't compare to actually being with each other.

The team had just wrapped up a horrible case involving young women. Without going into detail it's fair to say that Spencer couldn't wait to wrap his arms around you tight enough to ensure that you're here with him, that you're safe.

The Metro was late, delaying his arrival by approximately 20 minutes. While that's not enough time to raise concern for a lot of people Spencer knows better than to not let you know.

His job puts him at risk every day and you're not naive enough to believe that safety is a given for people in Spencers line of work.

He shoots you a quick text letting you know he'll be late and you reply with lots of exclamation points, emphasizing how excited you are to see him.

He can't help but smile to himself. He closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. He's struggling with letting the events of that recent case go.

The victims looked too much like you and it sometimes took Spencers focus away from what was right in front of him. He can't help but feel like he should've been quicker.

There's no doubt in his mind that you'll start questioning him as soon as you spot the distressed look on his face and you're going to want him to tell you what happened. And he will. Just maybe not tonight. You two agreed to have no secrets and the key to that is total transparency when it comes to what's on your mind.

He doesn't worry though. You never make him talk about work when he tells you he doesn't want to yet.

You don't push because you know that he'll tell you the next day once he is rested and convinced that both of you are safe.

Completely lost in his thoughts, he almost missed his stop. He managed to get off in time and from there it was only a 5 minute walk to your place.

Your Place.

These words are starting to taste bitter on Spencers tongue. He's been wanting to ask you to move in with him for weeks now but every time the opportunity presents itself he chickens out.

Part of him is so scared you're going to reject him and he's going to lose you.

Realistically speaking he knows that you value your time together as much as he does and he can't imagine you'd ever laugh at him or leave him for something like that but it's those pesky insecurities he's been trying to overcome that tell him that he can't really be sure.

He's confident though. Tonight is the night. As much as he doesn't mind going to your place to see you after cases, he can't shake the thoughts of him being able to come home to you. Thoughts of you waiting for him with open arms and a overall presence of love that will fills your shared apartment.

Before he can get too lost in his thoughts he knocks on your door and starts nervously shifting around on his feet.

It's not that he's afraid you're not happy to see him. Quite the opposite actually you've made sure he knows you've missed him just as much as he missed you. It's just that Spencer never really got used to being on the receiving end of such strong affection.

He loves it. God, he loves it so much but it still feels like it's too good to be true. His job makes him paranoid and as much as he wants to, he can't quite shake his anxieties about losing you just yet.

You open the door and he looks up with wide eyes.

There you are in your worn out Star Wars shirt with those adorable matching shorts practically beaming at him. You look so happy to see him. Because of him. His eyes immediately soften and he opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it.

"Spence!! You're back!"

Before he knows it you're already in his arms. Legs wrapped around his middle and arms around his neck squeezing him tightly before leaning back to press a firm kiss to his head.

He doesn't waste a single second. Wrapping his arms around you and pressing you closer to his chest. He lets out a breathy laugh.

"Hey there beautiful. I missed you so much"

You let out a small giggle before leaving the embrace to properly look at him. One of your hands goes to rest on his cheek while the other starts brushing through his messy hair.

You look at him with a wide smile.

"I can almost guarantee i missed you more, handsome. Now come in we haven't cuddled in over a week and i'm starting to feel very serious withdrawal symptoms!"

This time he lets out a proper laugh, nodding his head and taking your hands in his.

"Yeah i know a thing or two about that. We got a lot catching up to do then"

You only smile wider and drag him inside, promptly closing the door behind you.

"Indeed we do so go get changed. You must be uncomfortable in those clothes. You're in luck sir your pj's just got out of the dryer"

You push him towards the bedroom door and both of you laugh at the domestic scene at hand before Spencer stops, turns out and wraps one of his arms around your waist.

"Can i get a 'welcome home' first"

He looks at you with such love in his eyes you almost forget what you want to say.

"Hmm well technically you're not home yet"

You say teasingly knowing exactly what he is actually asking for. You're more than willing to give it to him considering it's all you could think about this past week and a half but you always did enjoy watching him squirm.

Spencer doesn't seem fazed by your comment. He looks a bit nervous but other than that he radiates a certain confidence you're finding incredibly attractive on him.

"You're here, aren't you? My home isn't a place. It's a person and that person is standing in front me right now"

You stare at him with shiny eyes. Despite what he may think, Spencer is actually quite the romantic. It's not unusual for him to compliment you out of nowhere. You're fairly confident you never experienced genuine love until you've met Spencer.

But this? This was so much more than a compliment. It's him wanting to make you understand just how committed he is to you. How much he loves you.

Not wanting to wait any longer you just grab him by the collar of his vest and press a firm kiss to his lips. You only hope that Spencer can feel the extent of your love through this kiss.

What starts out as a innocent way to proof that he is your home too quickly turns more heated when Spencer presses you closer to him.

His tongue asks for entrance and you grand it to him. You're completely lost in the feeling of Spencer and every second that passes you get more desperate to proof your love to him like he did by telling you you're his home.

Your hands start roaming through his hair before landing on the nape of his neck.

He lets out a soft sigh as you start playing with his curls. After some time the two of you are starting to slow down until it was only an exchange of little pecks and reassuring kisses to the forehead, nose or cheek.

Lips just millimeters apart you whisper: "You're my home, too, Spence"

He smiles and presses another soft kiss to your lips.

Not ready to break the embrace just yet, you hug him tight. He, obviously not wanting to let go of you either, starts rubbing small circles on the sides of your hips.

"Welcome home baby"

You whisper into his neck. Loud enough so he could hear it but not loud enough so it would break the quiet atmosphere around you two.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds imagine #reader insert

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delimeful · 4 years

Text

the shapes in the silence (11)

new chapter at the behest of one of my patrons! hope you enjoy! >:)

warnings: terrible coping mechanisms, antagonistic but not "evil" deceit, semi-vivid panic attack, suicidal implications/thoughts, arguing, an antagonistic and also genuinely evil cliffhanger, take care for realsies

After a few days of solitude, Logan emerged from his room with a triumphant gleam in his eyes.

He dropped a comically large stack of paper onto the lounge table, interrupting their bi-monthly binge of Parks and Rec. Patton obligingly paused the television, smiling at the sight of the other Side.

Roman probably would have complained, except Virgil-- as Puff-- had been dozing on top of his head for the past twenty minutes, and one of his wings was draped over Roman’s face like a makeshift blindfold. So, he hadn’t really been watching anyways.

“I’ve figured it out,” Logan said, gesturing to the meticulous lines of not-so-meticulous handwriting. “The shrinking.”

Everyone seemed to perk up in interest, and Virgil dropped onto Roman’s shoulder, kneading his claws lightly into the sash.

“You know why?” Patton prompted after another moment of Logan preening.

“Yeah, Specs, don’t leave us in suspense!” Roman demanded, valiantly restraining his gesturing for the sake of not accidentally unbalancing Virgil. The two of them had only had to learn that lesson once.

Logan nodded, adjusting his glasses briefly. “My current hypothesis is that our reduced states are the result of a sort of… mental lock. We shrink when the locking mechanism is triggered, and it takes a figurative key to restore our previous, normal stature.”

“A key?” Patton asked. “You figured out how to undo it?”

“Not for everyone. Think of it as customized locks. There’s a different key for each of us, and I’ve only discovered my own.”

Virgil tilted his head curiously at Logan’s words. The first bit was about what he’d figured, but a ‘key’ to change back? He used to think he only changed back in his room, but there had been a couple of occasions where he’d shifted forms unexpectedly. None of the others had had to be in their rooms to change back, either.

Roman was frowning in thought. “Wait, how in the name of Disney did you figure out your key?”

Logan looked delighted at the question. He moved to sit in his usual armchair, and then closed his eyes for a moment, his brow furrowing slightly and his mouth dropping into a frown.

In the next moment, he was doll-sized. “Extensive and rigorous experimentation,” he said, carefully getting to his feet on the plush chair fabric.

Roman and Patton immediately burst into excited chattering, each theorizing or commenting on Logan’s tiny stature, and Virgil quickly abandoned ship before Roman really did gesture him right into the air. He trotted along the back of the couch and kicked off of it, landing on the arm of Logan’s chair.

Logan looked up at him for a moment, before referring to a pile of tinier-than-normal flashcards pulled from his pocket. “Puff. I hope there’s no ‘hard feelings’ about my former hypothesis. It was nothing personal, I can assure you.”

It wasn’t like the theory had been too far fetched. Virgil hopped down to the seat of the chair and brushed against Logan’s side like a large, scaly cat. It seemed to do the job of convincing Logan that they were cool.

Logan looked back over at the other two. “Time to continue the lecture, I believe.”

With that, he clapped his hands together in a familiar pattern, one that had been used in countless classrooms in Thomas’s life. Two normal claps, and then three rapid ones.

Almost immediately, Patton and Roman clapped the returning pattern, paused as though registering what they’d done, and then turned to face Logan.

“Was… Did you just teacher-clap at us?” Roman asked, astounded.

Logan looked incredibly smug at his gambit working so perfectly, and Virgil barely had time to claw his way back up onto the armrest before the logical Side was back to normal.

“My key,” he said, “is being listened to.”

Then, as though he couldn’t resist, he added, “Who’s falling behind now, Roman?”

Roman spluttered with exaggerated indignance, and Virgil was absolutely certain that Princey was going to spend the next several days rising to the challenge. He shook his wings out, the dragon equivalent of rolling his eyes.

Patton, on the other hand, clapped enthusiastically as though Logan had performed a magic trick. “Wow, way to grow!”

Logan sighed deeply. Patton grinned, and then paused.

“See, the only thing I’m wondering now is, why is this happening to us all of the sudden? It’s certainly not something we’ve had to deal with before.”

There was a terse silence.

“I’m still working on theories in that regard,” Logan finally responded, mouth pinched slightly. “There have been many periods in the past where certain upheavals in Thomas’s life have led to our surroundings or our very selves changing. It’s entirely possible that this… ‘shrinking’ effect is a similar case. That brings me to my next point: we need to speak with Thomas.”

Virgil noticed Roman grimace for a moment. “Does he really need to know about all… this?”

“We certainly can’t keep it from him!” Patton replied as he walked closer to the rest of them and held out his arm. Virgil scaled it with ease, clambering up to perch on Pat’s shoulder like a parrot. For once, he agreed with Roman. He wasn’t sure this would end well, but... it wasn’t his job to bring up doubts right now. “He’s going to have to learn about it eventually, whether now or whenever he calls us up to talk about whatever is bothering him.”

“Precisely,” Logan agreed. “The more information we gather on this matter, the better.”

“I guess…,” Roman crossed his arms, but conceded. Patton gave him an encouraging hug.

“Plus,” he added as he pulled away, “if we go now, we can have Thomathy meet Puff!”

A beat late, Virgil realized just what that meant, and a flood of panic washed out the peaceful haze in his mind. They couldn’t take him to see Thomas! What if his host recognized him?

… What if he didn’t?

“It’s fine with me,” Logan added. “He does seem to be a rather permanent fixture in the Mindscape, though I’m not sure what that says about Thomas.”

“It says that he’s simply the coolest,” Roman shot back, his spirits seemingly lifted by the idea. He reached over and lifted Virgil off Patton’s shoulders, holding him in the air and spinning in a dizzying circle. “You’ll love Thomas, Puff, just you wait.”

“Why wait?” Patton chimed in with an excited smile. “I’ll go let the kiddo know we’re coming!”

He sank out, and Logan spent a short moment making sure his tie was properly aligned before following. Roman tilted his head slightly as though listening to an invisible sound before smiling widely. “There’s our cue!”

Before Virgil could do more than feel a sense of impending doom, the world was blurring and shifting around them, and he was dragged up along with Roman.

The dizziness as he entered the real world was so heady that he nearly blacked out, his head spinning. When his vision cleared, he realized he was being held up like an infant Simba.

Right in front of his host’s face. He froze like a deer in the headlights, mind screaming wordlessly.

“Ta-da!” Roman announced. “The newest, cutest denizen of your mind! Aside from me, of course.”

Thomas leaned in slightly, no trace of disgust or fear on his face. It made him look younger. “Woah. Hey there, little guy. Puff, right?”

He held his hand out carefully, and almost magnetically, Virgil placed a tiny, clawed hand on it. An encouraging smile was all it took, and then he was abandoning all caution and climbing right into the arms of the one who was supposed to fear him the most.

Thomas just shifted obligingly to create a better platform, and ran a thumb over his spine scales. Virgil craned his head up to look, and saw only quiet astonishment and awe on his host’s face.

There was no question. He didn’t recognize him.

Virgil had no idea what the emotion in the pit of his stomach was-- an amalgam of relief, disappointment, terror, sadness, so dense it was physically painful-- but after a moment, he let himself go lax. He could deal with it later. He could deal with everything later.

For now, his host was holding him close like he was something treasured, something precious. It was more than he’d ever hoped for and all he could ever need.

Whenever Thomas spoke, he could feel the words vibrating in his host’s chest. It was almost like a hug. He stayed there, content to listen only vaguely as the others explained what was going on and tried to work out the reason why.

After a while of circular discussion, Thomas went a little tense, catching Virgil’s attention. He hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“We’re trying to figure out what’s going wrong to cause this… inner turmoil, right? Why don’t we get Anxiety in on this? If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s coming up with worst-case scenarios.”

Virgil went still and frozen, and Roman’s gaze darted down to him for a moment before his expression firmed into a frown. “Absolutely not. That villain won’t have anything helpful to contribute.”

“On the contrary, I believe Thomas has a point. Anxiety could have a side to this story that we haven’t heard yet, but if we were just to ask him,” Logan countered, “he may share.”

“Kind of strange that he hasn’t popped up already,” Patton added with a concerned frown. “The kiddo doesn’t generally like it when people talk about him without him there.”

“Let’s at least give it a shot,” Thomas decided, lifting a hand. “Anxiety!”

No, no no no. This wasn’t how he wanted it to go. Virgil braced for the irresistible tug on his core, the breaking apart of his fragile peace--

It didn’t come.

There was no pull. Why wasn’t he feeling the pull? He couldn’t detect even the slightest call, which was impossible, unless--

Perfectly on cue, a dark figure appeared from thin air on the staircase, jumpscaring Thomas and offering a mocking smirk.

“You called?”

It… was him. It was Anxiety, dark hoodie and darker eyeliner, sneer and all. Virgil felt the strangest disconnect from his own identity for a moment before things snapped back into place. No summons, his own desire for secrecy, a perfect doppelganger.

Deceit.

A low, rumbling growl started up in his chest, and his hackles rose instantly at the sight of that liar daring to wear his face.

Thomas’s hands jerked away in surprise, and Patton reached over to soothe him. “Easy, Puff. He won’t do anything to you, promise.”

“That’s right,” Roman agreed in a completely different tone, stepping forwards to put himself between the fake Anxiety and the others, as though Virgil was pathetic enough to be worried about himself and not whatever bullshit Deceit-As-Anxiety was about to feed the others. His growl lowered in volume, but refused to taper off.

“Like I care about your newest pet project,” Fake-Anxiety said, rolling his eyes in disdain. “I’m just here to do what I do best: tell you how you messed up.”

Logan frowned at him. “You believe our current situation is the result of Thomas erring in some way?”

“Not just some way. All the ways. It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Fake-Anxiety said, gesturing widely to Thomas with one hand. “Something’s wrong with you. You’re broken.”

“That’s not true,” Patton said firmly, frowning in disapproval. “Anxiety, I expected better from you.”

Virgil felt his throat close up, even though he wasn’t really the one Patton was speaking to. It wasn’t like Patton knew that. How was he ever going to look anyone in the eye after this?

“Wait, what? How am I broken?” Thomas asked, not as indignantly as Virgil would have preferred. He gently butted his head against Thomas’s arm for morale-boosting purposes.

“I mean, think about it,” Fake-Anxiety said, spreading his palms open in a faux innocent gesture. “How many times have you screwed up in the past couple of weeks? Speaking with family, hanging out with friends, even just basic customer service interactions. Those were all your fault, and you know it.”

Thomas’s hands shook slightly. “I…”

“Falsehood,” Logan cut in sharply, his expression severe. “A person cannot be ‘broken’, particularly not for simple mistakes. In any case, there is no meaningful connection to be drawn between your baseless accusation and our current conundrum.”

Before Fake-Anxiety could respond, Patton’s hands flew to his mouth. “Wait. Kiddo, you don’t really think that about yourself, do you?”

All eyes turned to Thomas, who hesitated just a beat too long. “No… I mean, not entirely. Not all the time.”

“Thomas…” Roman looked stricken. “There’s no reason to feel bad about yourself!”

“Emotions… are often without reason,” Logan said, sharing a look with Patton. “This is important information, though. It’s entirely possible that a negative sense of self could affect us, as aspects of yourself. This could be the cause.”

“Then… How do I fix it?” Thomas asked, voice strained.

“You can’t,” Fake-Anxiety said, inspecting his nail polish as though bored. “You’re going to be stuck like this forever.”

“The first step,” Logan said, with a complicated glance towards the figure on the stairs, “is not letting negative thoughts control you. I was hoping Anxiety would be able to shed a light on our discussion, but it’s become clear that he’s… not in a helping mood.”

Fake-Anxiety clicked his tongue. “I’m helping. Helping you not make an even bigger embarrassment out of yourself.”

“Don’t listen to that villain,” Roman told Thomas, glancing down at ‘Puff’. “You have the power to send him away, Thomas.”

“Don’t bother. I’ve said my piece, and you know I’m right.” Fake-Anxiety gave a mocking salute before sinking out, making brief eye contact with Virgil as he did.

“He’s not right… right?” Thomas asked, his face a little pale. “I mean, it’s Anxiety.”

In his arms, Virgil tucked his limbs in tighter against himself.

“You are not broken,” Logan reiterated calmly. “Take a few deep breaths.”

“You do feel bad, though,” Patton said, a hand pressed over his heart in sympathy. “Kiddo... why don’t you take today for yourself?”

“That’s right!” Roman gripped Thomas’s shoulder comfortingly. “Do something that you’ll enjoy, and you can worry about everything else tomorrow, okay? We’ll sort things out on our end.”

They spoke for a little longer, making new plans and cancelling old ones, and Virgil felt as though his mind was full of static. Eventually, finally, he was back on Roman’s shoulder, ready to sink out.

“Nice meeting you, Puff,” Thomas waved, and something in Virgil’s chest twisted painfully at it all. He chirp-crooned back, and it felt like a goodbye.

Luckily for him, the others were all preoccupied with their own thoughts and plans. It took almost no effort to slip away, and before he knew it he was back in his own room, in the form that everyone hated.

His summon was nonverbal and insistent, and before long, Deceit appeared before him, this time in his own skin. Virgil wanted to yell, to rage and vent the emotions inside of him.

“How could you?” Instead, his voice came out quiet. Cold. Betrayed.

Deceit shifted, a flash of discomfort crossing his face before he composed himself. “They needed a villain. Last I checked, it was you who cast yourself in that role.”

A villain. He felt himself shaking, distantly. “You used me. Like an object.”

“To help Thomas--”

“To frighten him into doing what you wanted!” Virgil said, voice finally rising. “To guide the others like puppets on strings and to make me take the fall for your plan!”

“This is for you, too!” Deceit finally snapped back, before taking a deep breath. “This isn’t a framing, Virgil. It’s an opportunity. They won’t look for you, and that gives me enough time to fix things. Come home.”

Virgil laughed, once, harsh like broken glass. “No.”

Deceit held up a hand, sweeping it downwards and shifting himself into Fake-Anxiety again. It was like looking in a mirror, but the reflection was… different, this time. It wasn’t the one that had sat on the stairs before.

“Look at yourself, Virgil. Look at what you’ve been doing to yourself.”

The bags under his eyes were dark and sallow. He was shaking and sweating, his breath coming in stuttering gasps. His body looked like it’d been having consecutive panic attacks for days on end, and there were plenty more coming.

“You don’t have to do this anymore. We both know that you’d have an easier time if Thomas wasn’t always fighting against you.”

He tore his eyes away from the reflection. If he thought about it for too long, he’d spiral, and then all of it-- every comment, every look, everything he’d been tucking away for the past weeks-- would come rushing up to meet him. Like hitting water from a hundred feet up and finding it felt like concrete. Like drowning.

“Virgil?”

He was tired of this. “Get out.”

Deceit said something else, but it was his room, and it followed his will. The other Side was evicted, shoved out, gone. He took a breath, but it felt too shallow and caught in his lungs.

He wasn’t going to get anything done in this form. He wasn’t of any damn use in this form. Nobody wanted him like this. Why not ease his grip, let go?

He wouldn’t have to be Anxiety and everything that came with it. It would be selfish, but-- but Puff was better for everyone, not just him. It made sense.

He sighed in relief as the transformation washed away the vice grip around his lungs and the dizzying pounding of his head. The feelings were muffled, as though he’d put on thick, good quality headphones. It was nice.

It was also harder to focus in this form, unfortunately, but the idea-- the solution remained helpfully stuck in his head. He easily found his way into Roman’s room to collect what he needed, but Roman himself was absent.

He padded down to the commons, and found all three of them were there. Their discussion came to a halt as he carefully jumped up on the couch, dropping his prize into Roman’s lap.

“Oh, Puff…” Roman seemed sad, so he kneaded the creative Side’s leg with the dull edge of his claws.

“What is that?” Patton asked curiously.

Roman shifted, as though anticipating a scolding. “It’s a charmed bracelet. I designed it to keep Anxiety away from Puff. And you know what? I was right to make it! You saw how he acted today!”

Patton bit his lip but remained quiet. Something about the silence hurt, but that was okay. It wouldn’t hurt for long. He nudged the bracelet slightly, impatient.

“Why hasn’t he been wearing it, then?” Logan asked, a curious bend to his eyebrows.

“He… Well, he didn’t want it at first. Put it on yours truly instead,” Roman replied, carefully brushing a hand over Virgil’s head. “I suppose he changed his mind.”

“Did Anxiety really scare him that badly?” Patton asked, voice heartbroken.

Roman frowned determinedly and finally started undoing the clasp. “Whatever that scoundrel did, he won’t be able to bother Puff anymore. This will make sure of it.”

He carefully wound the bracelet around Virgil’s neck, gently adjusted it until it fit right, and reconnected the ends. The last thing Virgil saw before the world went hazy was the three of them, the best parts of Thomas, looking back at him without any fear or hatred.

Then, there was only Puff.

#sanders sides #tiny dragon virgil #g/t #ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #ts thomas #ts janus #writing #my writing #tsits #the shapes in the silence #mind the warnings #again for clarity this is Absolutely not the last chapter #or even close to it #ask to tag #lets hope the next chapter is a quicker process hm? *ominous evil wink*

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writtenonreceipts · 3 years

Note

If you're taking prompts, maybe for feysand - Person A catches a bus home everyday, but today, they're so exhausted that they fall asleep, suddely they feel a light tap on their shoulder and open their eyes to see person B smiling at them. "Sorry to wake you, but this is your stop, i hope you slept well"

<33

Oh my darling anon, I am always eager for prompts! Thank-you for sending this in! I altered just a few minor things, ie trains and not not busses and the diologue is just worded diff... and then over indulged in my own whims and fancies, just a touch.

2.7K words of fluff and awkwardness...all i know is awkwardness so ya know...

Strangers and Favors

Exhausted. Tired. Sleepy. There were far too many ways to describe what Feyre was feeling. Not even the coffee in her hands was doing anything to give her the boost she needed.

Amid the chill of morning and the slowly growing light of dawn, Feyre found herself hurrying from her car in the park-and-ride lot. She practically flung herself up the small steps that led to the train platform and into the first train car she was near.

She’d been running late that morning and nearly missed her alarm. Alis had been a dear and poured her coffee in a thermos, but Feyre hated the feeling of being rushed. Especially after a poor night's sleep. And when it was five thirty in the morning.

Feyre slipped into a seat before she could finally tell herself to breathe. She’d made it onto her train with only a few minutes to spare. Thankfully there were other straggling passengers filtered into the train car and made their way to their various seats.

Feyre took a long sip of her coffee and tried to convince herself that she wasn’t really tired. Even though it was far too early to be awake and she had an hour and a half train ride to sit through.

Dawn had barely begun to rise over the horizon with not even the promise of pink and blue streaks through the sky. She sighed and drew out her sketch pad.

She was barely into starting the picture--of what she had no idea--when the train started moving and a form fell into the seat across from her.

Feyre blinked and glanced up.

There were plenty of other open seats lining the train. Granted the place she’d found herself was the only one with a small table set up, but still.

Sitting across from her was a man far too attractive for his own good. He wore a black suit with a deep navy-blue button up beneath. No tie, only the top few buttons of his shirt undone giving a peak at a series of tattoos on his chest. His black hair was styled in a neat wave revealing a chiseled jaw and glorious eyes.

Feyre tore her gaze away before she could be accused of staring. But honestly, who could blame her?

Over the course of the train ride, Feyre finished her coffee and scribbled out at least four pages worth of drawings. Unfortunately, inspiration didn’t strike. Not that it was surprising. She’d not drawn anything new in months. Oh, she’d tried. She could sit for hours on this train, on her balcony, or out in the middle of the forest with a pencil in one hand and paper in the other--and nothing. Nothing would come.

Alis always told her that she couldn’t force herself to draw. She couldn’t force herself to be inspired if she didn’t make the conscious choice. But Alis didn’t understand that sometimes, it was too damned hard.

The train ride passed without excitement. Not even the man across from her did anything interesting. Figured. He was so attractive his life had to be mundane. At least, that was what Feyre told herself while she was not covertly looking at him

She was glad to get off the train when it reached the city. After making sure she had her things, she slipped out and onto the platform without trouble.

Chaos was not something she enjoyed.

Especially not lately. As long as everything was in its place of simplicity, life could continue on as normal.

Honestly, if Feyre could have chosen a simple life involving nothing more than eating donuts she would have chosen it. Because living in a state of missed calls and impatient clients and looming deadlines was far from her state of happiness.

With a bag of donuts from Rita’s bakery in one hand, Feyre collapsed in her seat at the end of the day. She’d managed to leave work five minutes early giving her enough time to swing into Rita’s and grab a few treats. And she would not apologize for it.

“Long day?”

Feyre glanced up to see the man from that morning taking a seat across from her. He had an amused sort of expression on his face which made it even harder to look away. Feyre snatched a frosted chocolate donut from her bag and glared at him.

“No.” She took a giant bite leaving sugar to lace around her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him.

He grinned and shook his head.

Feyre was able to finish her donut in peace and managed not to stare at the man the rest of the train ride home.

Life continued. And much to Feyre’s dismay, nothing changed.

Her sketch book remained empty. Her coffee remained dull. Work did not improve.

Something needed to change. But honestly, she couldn’t figure out what it was. She’d left her ex months ago. She’d gotten a new wardrobe, a new phone, moved in with her friend. She’d started getting out more too. Somewhat. When Nesta called, which wasn’t often but at least her sister was trying.

It was five-thirty in the morning and she was seated on the train, again. And the man who seemed to only own clothing that was black was seated across from her, again. Since that first day of seeing him, he hadn’t tried talking to her again, which Feyre was semi grateful for. She was certain she would just make herself look like a bigger idiot than before.

Had she really stuffed her face with that giant donut?

Not that she cared. She could do whatever she wanted.

Except draw.

Feyre stared out the window of the train. It was slowly starting to get lighter sooner and Feyre now had more scenery to watch instead of the reality of the empty sketchpad.

Inevitably, however, Feyre found her attention drawn to the man across from her.

There was something about him. Feyre couldn’t place it, exactly, perhaps an energy of some kind. Or it was his confidence. Arrogance. Something. She found him mesmerizing. How stupid was that? A man she had said one word to and ignored for an entire month and she could help but watch him.

He did a cross word every morning. Texting someone throughout--or else cheating and looking up the answers. Other times she caught him reading a book about astrology or NASA’s recent magazine release. She wanted to ask him about the astrology, it was such a fascinating topic, one that she liked learning about. But she never knew how to strike up a conversation, so she remained silent.

She’d always been good at staying silent. At least that was what she’d been told.

The thought came so suddenly that Feyre had to physically shake herself to make it disappear. She sat up in her seat, hands clenching in her lap.

She snapped her attention away from the train window and forcibly removed her sketchpad from her bag. In a fury, Feyre moved her pencil across the page. It wasn’t the bed utensil to use, but it was better than bringing her entire art supply on the commute to work. The pencil would suffice.

It wasn’t as though she liked being quiet. It wasn’t as though she didn’t have anything to say. Sometimes it was just easier. Sometimes it was just better. Sometimes the silence was how she communicated. Sometimes people just didn’t understand that.

The scene came alive beneath her fingers.

Mountains and stars. Storms and shadows. All convalescing on a shape. A person. A…

Feyre frowned at the scene. Someone was kneeling on a throne of night and she couldn’t see their face.

“Do you always glare at your art like that?” The midnight voice broke Feyre out of her revere.

Glance up, Feyre locked gazes with the violet eyes of the man across from her. The crossword in his lap was complete. Feyre realized for the first time that he was younger than she’d originally thought. Maybe about five years older than she was. And even though he oozed arrogance, there was almost a genuine sort of smile dancing across his lips.

“Only when it’s being difficult,” Feyre answered. She offered a brief shrug and gestured to the crossword on his lap. “Do you always cheat at the crossword?”

He made an affronted sort of gasp. “I don’t cheat.”

“You’re always on your phone when you scribble answers in,” Feyre pointed out. She smirked, unable to help it.

“I’m texting with a friend,” he said, “she’s always trying to finish the damned thing before me in the mornings. All I do is offer a bit of...encouragement.”

“Right,” Feyre said doubtfully. She shook her head, still smiling.

The man watched her, almost confused, before he leaned forward. “And the art? It’s the first time in over a month I’ve seen you actually draw something.”

“I was searching for the right inspiration,” she said. And then as she found herself nearly drowning in the heat of his gaze--Feyre had what she’d been hunting for. “Sometimes it just takes a while to find.”

The train pulled to a stop where they usually got off. Feyre collected her things and half expected the man to be right at her side when his phone went off.

He muttered something under his breath before answering it.

Feyre almost had half a mind to wait for him. To linger on the platform and dredge up some excuse so that she could talk to him. If only for a moment longer. She still hadn’t asked him about the astrology book.

Instead she was swept up in the crowd of commuters.

For the next two weeks, Feyre was out of her mind with anxiety.

There really was no other way to describe it. Because every morning and every evening when she would board the train there would be no sign of her mysterious companion. Not even the sight of him running to try and catch a ride before the train completely left the station. Not even a hint of him getting on a different compartment one day by accident. Nothing.

So, naturally, her mind told her that it had something she’d done. Something she’d said. Hell. She hadn’t even done anything that stupid. Aside from stuffing a whole ass donut in her mouth.

She was an idiot.

Eventually she was able to push thoughts of her mysterious companion aside. Not only was she drawing again, but her workload had increased. And now she was getting up earlier and staying later and her schedule was entirely too chaotic.

She really missed the simpler days of dashing into Rita’s or relaxing on the train bench not staring at the man across from her.

After two weeks of commuting alone and another two weeks of being run ragged at work, Feyre finally found herself being able to return to a normal timeline. Somewhat. At least she was going to be able catch her usual train home and get home before ten o’clock.

Feyre fell into her seat and leaned up against the window of the train. She didn’t mean to fall asleep. Not really. But as soon as she was seated and relaxed her eyes drifted shut and she was gone.

The next thing Feyre knew there was a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry to wake you, but this is your stop,” said an all too familiar voice.

Feyre’s eyes snapped open and she nearly flung out a fist to the shape in front of her.

“I take it you slept well?” Her mysterious companion snatched out a hand and caught hers before it made contact. He gave her a cheeky grin. “You didn’t even twitch between all the other stops.”

Feyre blinked up at him. Sleep still addled her brain and he was making no sense whatsoever.

“What?” she finally managed to spit out.

“Your stop?” he said, jutting a thumb to the train doors.

Feyre cursed, loudly, and jumped up. “I barely even closed my eyes,” she grumbled.

“Here, let me,” her companion grabbed her bag for her and helped her off the train before it took them all the way south to Hybern.

“Thanks,” Feyre said as they stepped out onto the platform. She accepted her bag from him and gave him a smile. “It’s been a long couple of weeks I guess.”

In the still fading evening light, Feyre was able to see his easy smile and the way his eyes crinkled softly. His black hair was tousled easily as if he’d been running his hands through it recently.

“It’s not a problem,” he said, “in fact I was surprised to even see you. It’d been a few weeks.”

Feyre blinked. He’d noticed she wasn’t on at her usual time?

“You were gone for a while too,” she said without thinking. You idiot.

Her words seemed to catch him by surprise, but not for long. A gleam flashed in his eyes.

“You noticed, did you?”

“You noticed me,” she shot back quickly.

They stood in silence as the train moved on with a loud whistle and the last few men and women passed them by hurrying to catch their connecting busses or get to their cars.

His smile stretched into a full grin. “I’m Rhysand.”

“Feyre,” she said, returning the smile. She then noticed the small paper bag he held in one hand. Immediately, Feyre recognized the logo on the outside. “Rita’s? That’s my favorite place to stop at after work.”

“Yeah, uh,” Rhysand said as he ran a hand through his hair, “I noticed and decided to give it a try.”

“And?” Feyre pressed.

“I have you to blame for my new addiction,” he said.

Feyre laughed, shaking her head. “I take full responsibility, though I will not apologize.”

Rhysand paused only for a moment before he glanced at her and an almost sheepish smile crossed his features. “Have you been to Dreamer’s? It’s a late-night coffee shop on Main.”

“I haven’t, but I’ve been meaning to,” Feyre admitted.

“My treat,” he said almost immediately. “I mean, if you want. You can tell me about what helped you find the inspiration to start drawing again.”

Feyre blinked at him remembering that train ride over a month ago now where she’d finally been able to draw more than a few measly lines. And she realized now as she watched a halo of light glimmer from the setting sun around his head that all this time she’d been trying to draw him in the outline of mountains and stars.

“Deal,” Feyre said. “But you should know, I don’t give up my secrets lightly.”

Rhysand quirked a brow. “Noted.”

They spent hours sharing secrets. The small kinds, the simple kinds.

Feyre learned that Rhysand’s brother had broken his leg playing football and needed surgery which was why he’d disappeared for a few weeks. She learned that it was his mother who taught him about astrology before she died not that long ago. And now he spent most of his time trying to avoid his father.

She’d told him about her love of painting, of art, of creating. Anything that made her feel alive. She’d told him about walking out on her old life and how here she was six months later and still desperate for change.

They were both trying, it turned out, to become something different.

It wouldn’t be until later that night--after sunset when the inky black sky gave way to the millions of stars overhead--that Feyre found herself home. Rhysand, of course, made sure she’d arrived safe and she’d rewarded him with a brush of her lips to his cheek and a small smile over her shoulder.

It wouldn’t be until later that night--amid the cool mid-spring air that promised a new dawn--that Feyre would pull out her sketch pad. She would draw sharp lines and angular features and a man kneeling amid the night. She would draw power and beauty in something, someone, she didn’t know perfectly. But one day. One day, maybe she would.

thanks for reading my dears! i am always eager and open from prompts so thanks for sendin gthem! I really do enjoy them!

tags:

let me know if I put you on the wrong tag list/want to be removed. it’s generally going to be easier for me to just have basic acotar/tog lists and not go into too much worry about that, so just and fyi...anywho

tottenhamboys20 @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx @bamchickawowow @ladywitchling @ireallyshouldsleeprn @courtofjurdan @sassys-world @sleeping-and-books @superspiritfestival @chieflemming @julemmaes @lysandra-ghost-leopard @harrymoncheri @firestarsandseneschals @rapunzel1523 @emikadreams

#feysand #feyre archeron #rhysand #feyre x rhysand #feysand fanfiction #feysand au #modern au #fanfiction #sjm #acotar #acomaf #just me writing #writing is better than self misery #thanks anon!#anon #anon answered

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fromthedeskofelizabeththird · 3 years

Text

Habanero

You're a good girl, well behaved.

Absolutely not the type to rail random guys in nightclubs.

Until you are.

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Aizawa x Reader, Present Mic x Reader, a sprinkling of Erasermic and eventual polyamorous Erasermic x Reader

Rating: Explicit, Minors BE GONE

Trigger Warnings: None in this chapter.

AO3: Here | Want to support me? I have a Kofi

Chapter: 12/16 (all chapters)

Stain’s capture radically changed the atmosphere in the school, for students and adults alike. Luckily, your suspicions about the case proved correct and no one was expelled, though that wasn’t to say Midoriya, Todoroki and Iida got away scot free.

Iida was, for obvious reasons, the most apologetic of the three. He bowed his head so many times and so passionately that you worried he would give himself a concussion. He apologised for being untruthful and pushing away the help offered to him, seeming to expect disappointment and anger from you or Shouta. If anything, the lack of it hit him harder.

Iida, Midoriya and Todoroki weren’t the only ones affected by the incident. Students you had never seen before dropped into your office, some terrified by the footage they had seen and others conflicted.

A particular video began to circulate the web after the incident, one that detailed Stain’s background and ideology. It didn’t seem to matter how many times it was taken down or blocked, for within minutes it would appear elsewhere. It went without saying that almost every student in UA saw it eventually, as well as the vast majority of the faculty staff.

Everyone had an opinion and something to say, yourself included. You chatted about it at the izakaya as well as the staff lounge and then again during the recording of Support Mic.

Even after public interest died down, when Stain’s name no longer appeared on the news and fewer people came to your office to talk through their anxieties, the atmosphere at UA remained tense. Summer vacation loomed over the horizon and with it the end of term examinations.

As was the case with most people, you were especially curious of 1-A. They had experienced so much in such a short period of time that it was difficult not to be even slightly protective of them. With Nezu’s approval, you attended their physical exams, watching wide eyed at each match.

Your intrigue didn’t only stretch to the students. This was your first chance to truly see your colleagues at work and you could barely hide your excitement, chewing at your thumbnail and twirling the pen in your hand, wincing whenever anyone hit concrete or landed on their face. Recovery Girl seemed to find your fascination amusing, though wasn't annoyed, instead chuckling under her breath whenever you gasped or jumped in your seat.

You watched in awe as Shouta jumped from rooftop to rooftop as easily as he climbed stairs; as Ectoplasm duplicated himself over and over; as Cementoss completely transformed the area around him. You felt incredibly small, the reality of having pro heroes for coworkers never quite so clear as then.

That wasn’t the only realisation you had.

You watched as Shouta moved, remembering how it had felt when he fucked you against a bathroom sink. When Hizashi stepped out to activate his quirk, you couldn’t tear your eyes from his throat, remembering how he had moaned into your mouth when he came. Even now, you could still feel Shouta’s hands against your hips; the vibrations of Hizashi’s mouth against yours.

You were ruined now in terms of standards. You’d slept with heroes and nothing else would satisfy you.

Hizashi had stayed true to his word, saying nothing of what had happened between you the night of the Hosu incident. He flirted as he always did, though it never went any further from there. In many respects, you were grateful for it. Not only would it be far, far more suspicious to other people if he suddenly stopped joking around about how cute you were, but the impact of the reset would almost certainly hit harder. On a surface level nothing had changed between you at all.

You winced when he finally activated his quirk and bellowed across the forest. You didn't have any sound, but could see the trees buckling and shedding their leaves from the impact.

You watched as Jirou and Kouda sheltered in the trees, Jirou’s ears bleeding and Kouda trembling in fear, feeling incredibly conflicted. You wanted them to do their best and show how resourceful they could be, but you didn’t want Hizashi to go too hard on them either.

Several students had gathered in Recovery Girl’s makeshift office and watched each new development with just as much interest as you. Each had opinions on potential strategies, though Kouda’s eventual plan of action took everyone by surprise.

He placed his hands flat on the ground and began to speak, which you initially believed to be him panicking as before. However, moments later, the ground at Hizashi’s feet grew deformed and cracked, a seemingly endless number of bugs flooding out from between the gaps.

You clapped a hand over your mouth, skin prickling at the idea alone. Recovery Girl had little sympathy, tutting and shaking her head as if he had tripped over his own feet.

“Honestly,” she said as her desk phone began to ring. “A teacher of this school…”

“I’ll go and check in on him,” you said, getting to your feet and dusting nonexistent crumbs from your lap.

~~~~

Much like the students, the teachers had a makeshift waiting room outside of the examination areas. You jumped back the moment you opened the door, a sea of beetles, centipedes and spiders scurrying through the gap and towards freedom.

It took you all of two seconds to find Hizashi. All you had to do was follow the layers of discarded clothing. You picked up his jacket and gloves from the middle of the room and his shirt and boots from a little further in, wincing at the layers of bugs still contained within. You tipped his boots upside down at the outside door, giving them a few forceful taps that released several beetles. You gave his jacket and gloves a good shake, turning both inside out to double check for any intruders.

Then, and only then, did you return to the waiting room, draping his jacket and gloves across one of the chairs and setting his boots underneath.

The adjacent room was an infirmary of sorts, with several beds and a privacy curtain and you squirmed as even more bugs scuttled through the open door.

Hizashi had dumped the rest of his clothes in the middle of the room and disappeared behind the curtain, running a tap and whimpering every few seconds.

“H-Hizashi?”

He switched off the water at the sound of your voice and mumbled something you couldn’t quite understand.

“Are you okay?”

You stepped closer to the shield, dodging a line of ants.

“My b-”

“Hizashi?”

He poked his head through the shield, white as a sheet and hair soaking wet, though still sticking up in places.

“Boxers,” he said, so quietly that you could barely hear him. ”They’re in my boxers...”

“O-oh,” you said, blushing with both second hand embarrassment and discomfort. You squeezed your thighs together before you could stop. “I’ll try and find you some clothes, just wait a moment…”

You glanced around the room, leaning over to rummage through every cupboard and set of drawers. In the end, all you could find that was likely to fit him was a set of sweatpants and swimming trunks, as well as an oversized UA branded hoodie.

“Here you go,” you said, slipping them over the top of the screen. “Try these on.”

You were leaning over to salvage the remainder of Mic’s clothes when Shouta walked through the door, immediately rolling his eyes when he realised what you were up to. You glanced up at him, t-shirt in hand, scanning his body without meaning to. Now that you’d seen him swinging from rooftops, goggles only emphasising the sharpness of his jawline, it was difficult to think of anything else.

You didn’t notice that he stared back, taking in the way you had tucked a few loose strands of hair behind your ear; the way your blouse loosened around your neck as you bent over and teased a glimpse of your collarbones.

“I…” You said, realising you were staring at him. “I…”

“You came to observe us, then?”

“Yes,” you said, grabbing Hizashi’s shirt and folding it over your arm. “I uh… you were great. Oh! The students too! You were all great!”

You told yourself Shouta had encouraged you to pursue Hizashi. He had taken a step back and you should respect it.

Even so, you still couldn’t stop feeling flustered when you saw him, thinking of the kisses you had almost shared.

In retrospect, you wished you had gone after him while emotions still ran high. You wished you had asked him why he was pushing you away. What was it that had changed between you? Had you been misinterpreting his feelings all of this time?

No.

You remembered how sad he had looked. You definitely weren’t imagining that.

An awkward silence had broken out between you and you searched your brain for something -anything- to say. Shouta seemed to have had the same idea, for he reached out to you. You wondered if he was going to pull you into an embrace, but instead he scooped up a spider from the shirt you were holding, allowing it to crawl across his palm.

“Sho,” Hizashi called, “are you there?”

Shouta sighed at that and stepped towards the shield.

“Who else would be here sounding just like me?”

“So mean!”

“Anyway,” said Shouta, shooting you a knowing look, “I’ve got a present for you.”

“A present? For me! Really?”

Hizashi sounded genuinely excited, which only made your moment of realisation even worse.

Surely he wouldn’t?

Surely not.

Shouta pulled the curtain back, though, and activated his quirk. You didn’t see what happened next, but Hizashi’s screams were enough for you to make an educated guess.

“What are you doing?! Get that thing away from me!”

“It’s irrational for you to be scared. Look, it’s far more afraid of you.”

Even without the use of his quirk, Hizashi’s screams were loud. You weren’t entirely sure what Shouta did next, only that a half naked Hizashi threw himself through the curtain to escape. He was in too much of a panic to pay attention to his surroundings and crashed into the first thing to block his path, which unfortunately happened to be you. The pair of you collapsed to the floor, you landing flat on your back against the tiles, Hizashi face first on top of you, one hand either side of your head.

“O-w,” you muttered, having hit your elbow and the back of your head on the way down.

Hizashi winced, looking down to see what it was that had tripped him and blushing a furious shade of scarlet when he saw it was you.

Naturally, that was the precise moment Nemuri walked inside, mopping her brow on her sleeve.

“Well, well,” she said, closing the door behind her. “And they call me the R-Rated Hero.”

Only then did you realise the suggestiveness of your position, both you and Hizashi frantically untangling yourselves and getting back up onto your feet.

“H-h-h-how was the exam?”

“Yeah,” said Shouta, stepping out from behind the curtain, spider still in his hand. “What happened with Mineta and Sero?”

“Oh that,” said Nemuri, grinning and folding her arms. “I lost.”

At that, the room fell silent, all of you trying and failing to digest her words. All of you had crossed paths with Sero and Mineta at one point or another and, while Sero was certainly a capable hero, it was common knowledge that Mineta had a weakness for women.

In the end, Hizashi was the one to break the silence.

“You’re shitting us, right?”

“No joke,” said Nemuri, looking incredibly happy about it. “I lost.”

“Give me a play by play,” said Shouta, setting the spider down on a nearby shelf. “I want to know what happened.”

“You could have just watched, you know,” said Nemuri, before smirking and glancing at you and Hizashi. “Unless you found something more interesting.”

Your stomach churned at the implication, even though you knew for a fact that it had all been completely innocent.

“It wasn’t like that,” said Shouta. “So are you going to tell me or do I have to go and watch the tapes?”

At that, Nemuri sighed and described the exam, how Sero had passed out only a matter of minutes in, leaving Mineta to fend for himself. You barely paid attention, mind wandering.

Nemuri didn’t know you’d slept with both Shouta and Hizashi. She’d been making a joke and nothing more. Even so, you couldn’t help but imagine what it might be like if those experiences overlapped: Hizashi burying himself inside of you while Shouta pushed a vibrator against your clit; Shouta fucking you under a blacklight while Hizashi stole the moans from your lips.

You didn’t realise how obscene your thoughts had gotten nor how much you had stopped paying attention until Nemuri clapped a hand to your forehead.

“You okay, (Name)? You’re really warm.”

“I’m fine!” you squeaked, knowing you probably didn’t sound at all convincing. “Actually...I was just thinking...once exams are over, I want to treat everyone to dinner!”

You had taken Akira’s ring to the jewellery store a couple of days earlier, eyes still popping from your head at the number of digits. You spent most of the night wondering what on earth you would do with it. Your bills were cheap, you had a good salary. You didn’t need that sort of money.

In the end, you split the money in half, keeping some for yourself and donating the rest to a number of charities. You had already arranged to go to a cocktail bar with your girlfriends, but wanted to treat your work friends too. They had, after all, come to your rescue in a number of ways.

“You don’t have to do that,” said Hizashi, “we can just go out to dinner anyway!”

“I know, I know...it’s just,” you shrugged, “I sold the engagement ring and well...it only seems fair.”

Shouta glanced from you to Nemuri to Hizashi, scratching the back of his neck. He clearly had questions, but didn’t ask any of them.

“What about sushi? A new place opened up on Pink Street and I’ve been wanting to try it,” you said.

“Oooh, I’ve heard so much about that restaurant,” said Nemuri. “Their rolls melt in your mouth...”

“I haven’t been for sushi in so long,” sighed Hizashi.

“I guess that settles it,” you said, turning to Shouta. “How about you?”

“I’ll pass,” he said, “places like that are too fancy for me.”

“Aw, c’mon Eraser,” said Hizashi. “It’s the end of term, enjoy yourself.”

“They have fancy tuna,” you said. “Even if you don’t stay, you can take some home for Sushi.”

He paused to consider it, glancing from Nemuri to Hizashi and finally you, colour rising in his cheeks at your hopeful smile.

“Fine,” he said, “but I’m not staying long.”

~~~~

That night, for the first time since his recovery, Shouta stayed home instead of patrolling the streets. He had downloaded copies of the matches onto his laptop and made himself comfy on the couch to watch them, making mental notes of every move and decision.

He wanted to go over the strengths and weaknesses of his students ahead of the upcoming training camp and autumn term, though his mind wandered. He kept coming back to the moment Hizashi had fallen through the curtain and landed on you.

He had had suspicions that something had happened between the pair of you ever since the night of the Hosu incident. You had both arrived at the same time, which didn’t make a lot of sense given where you lived. You would catch different trains and arrive at different stations. Perhaps the most incriminating detail of all was the scent that lingered about you both; the same tangerine and orange blossom scent that he remembered from Hizashi’s visits during his recovery. Shouta’s own simple bath products had offended him on a personal level and he brought several bottles from his own collection on subsequent nights.

Shouta remembered turning his nose up at the perfumey scent and layers of bubbles, neither of which belonged in his otherwise simple home. That said, when Hizashi left one of the bottles behind, he didn’t give it back, often reaching for it and inhaling the sweet scent. It was the scent he caught on Hizashi whenever he got close enough, and he didn’t know what to think when he smelled it on both of you.

It wasn’t completely out of the realms of possibility that it was a coincidence, that both of you happened to have used the same product on the same night and bumped into one another outside of the school, but he knew it was unlikely. The simplest explanation was usually the right one, even if he didn’t necessarily want to accept it.

He didn’t know why it bothered him so much. He had told you to pursue Hizashi; he didn’t have the right to feel betrayed when you did. Even so, something had stirred within him when you and Hizashi arrived together, something he had managed to seal away until Hizashi fell through the curtain. He couldn’t stop thinking about it now; thinking about the pair of you in far less innocent circumstances.

His stomach churned whenever he thought about your naked bodies; about the pair of you sharing kisses and secrets. He hated it and he didn’t know why. Hizashi would be the perfect boyfriend and you the perfect wife. It made sense for the pair of you to get together. Hizashi was into marriage and holding hands in public; you had books on the meaning of flowers and pancake moulds shaped like bunnies. He didn’t belong in either scenario any more than he had belonged in the group hug you, Nemuri and Hizashi shared.

He groaned and scratched his hair, turning over onto his side and reloading the video he had been watching. He didn’t want to think about this anymore. It was giving him a headache.

He stared at the screen, watching as Kaminari and Mina sprinted through empty streets, Nezu not far behind. He made it only about five minutes before his eyelids began to droop. He was still getting used to the limits of his quirk and had a feeling he’d overused it in his match against Yaoyorozu and Todoroki.

Shouta stretched back, resting an arm on the arm of the couch and laying his head down on the crook of his elbow.

He’d rest his eyes for a moment and just listen.

He listened out for the racket of crumbling buildings, drifting to sleep before he could stop himself.

When he opened his eyes, he was in someone else’s bedroom, sunlight shining through the windows and bathing his skin in golden light. He was flat on his back and on top of the bedcovers, head resting on sweet smelling pillows.

He realised he was naked and that he wasn’t alone.

Giggles broke out from further down the bed and he looked down, peering through his spread legs and into two smiling faces. You and Hizashi were laid on your front and as naked as he was, laughing at the lurid blush that had broken out across his face.

“Go on...get on with it,” he said, eying his own hard cock.

You turned to Hizashi with a smile.

“Should we?”

“I don’t know,” said Hizashi, “he’s been such a grump lately.”

“All the more reason to cheer him up!”

“Oh, just as expected of you, (Name),” said Hizashi, kissing you on the lips, “so considerate!”

Shouta groaned, watching as he kissed you again with more than a hint of tongue. The wet sound your lips made whenever you broke contact was almost too much for him to bear. You stole glances at him as you ended the kiss, knowing the effect you were having on him.

He gasped as the pair of you ran your tongues over his cock, taking turns at the tip. It was overwhelming and he bucked his hips into your touches, not sure which detail to focus on first. Should he listen to the popping sounds whenever one of you sucked his tip? Should he sigh in pleasure at the gentle way the pair of you ran your hands over the inside of his thighs? Should he choke in desperation at the feel of your combined saliva dribbling down his cock?

This was too much.

Hizashi took hold of his dick and pumped it so quickly that he could do nothing else but grip the bedsheets and shake, watching as the pair of you kissed again. You leaned over to spit on the tip of his cock and Hizashi jerked him faster, the wet sound shaking him to his core.

“I think he’s close,” you said, watching as Shouta arched his back, gripping the bed with both hands. “Should we let him?”

“I’m not sure,” said Hizashi in a tone of mock severity. “I don’t think he’s ready yet.”

You both looked at him, taking in his half sitting position and rasping breaths.

“Fffuck,” he hissed, holding himself taught, “both of you.”

You both laughed at that and Hizashi let go of his dick, making way for you to take it into your mouth, bobbing your head as you took more and more of it in. Hizashi stroked his fingers through your hair and cooed at how cute you were, Shouta squeezing his eyes shut and gasping for air. He was close to the point of no return and the vibrations against his dick as you moaned didn’t help.

He couldn’t breathe; his breaths were short and sharp, his heart raced and his dick almost unbearably tight. You pulled away just in time for him to whine and flop back against the bed, cumming all over his--

He woke up, bleary eyed and sweaty, taking in the dark room and abandoned laptop, the hard couch under him.

“Shit,” he said, reaching for the waistband of his boxers and grimacing at the knowledge that he hadn’t dreamt the part where he came everywhere.

He got to his feet and waddled to the bathroom, cursing both at the mess and twitching of his cock. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a wet dream. Had it been high school? Whatever the case, he felt dirty.

He kicked off his boxers and climbed into the bathtub, trying and failing to distract himself from the waves of pleasure still rushing through his body.

He turned on the cold tap, both to bring himself back to earth and wash away the evidence. He rarely remembered his dreams, but this one wouldn’t leave him.

“Shit,” he said, rubbing his temples and willing away the mental image of you and Hizashi trailing your tongues over his dick. “Shiiiiiit.”

He sank down into the bath and sucked in a deep breath as the cold water touched his skin. He closed his eyes, orgasm fading and lucidity setting in. For the first time in weeks, he felt clear headed.

He scowled, no longer focusing on Hizashi falling on top of you, but the part that came soon after and bothered him just as much.

Engagement ring?

~~~~

“I don’t believe you.”

Nemuri sat back to sip her beer, looking across the crowded restaurant.

“I’m telling you,” said Hizashi, “she’s the one!”

With the end of term came the promised sushi dinner; you, Nemuri, Hizashi and a reluctant Shouta all at one table.

Only after you and Shouta got up for another round of drinks did Hizashi drop the bombshell he had been sitting on for weeks: that you were the woman from Ego . To say Nemuri was skeptical was an understatement.

“(Name)? That (Name)?”

She pointed across the room and towards the bar, where you and Shouta were ordering drinks.

“She had the dress , Nemuri!”

Nemuri held her beer to her chest, watching as you ordered your drink and bowed several times to the bartender.

“Let’s assume I believe you,” she said, tilting the bottle towards him. “What were you doing in her bedroom in the first place?”

Hizashi hadn’t mentioned the fact that you’d slept together and he broke out in goosebumps at getting even remotely close to caught.

“I-I walked her home and my hair tie broke. Nothing happened!”

It wasn’t a lie. That really was why he’d been in your room. Nemuri had known him for long enough, though, to pick up when he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?”

“I,” Hizashi realised he’d raised his voice and leaned across the table to speak in hushed tones. “No, why would you think that?”

“You’re a terrible liar. Besides, she told me you did.”

“She what ?”

Hizashi clapped both hands over his mouth, not meaning to shriek as loud as he did. Nemuri flinched at the sudden loud noise, rubbing a finger over her ear.

“She...she really told you?”

He remembered his own words that night, his promise not to say anything unless you did. He hadn’t expected you to say anything, much less so quickly, and for a second he wondered if he had you all wrong, only to notice Nemuri’s shit eating grin.

“She didn’t tell me anything,” she said, taking a satisfied sip of beer. “You just now, though? You told me everything .”

“Nemuri, promise me you won’t say anything about this! I didn’t mean to, I just...it just happened.”

“What, did you trip and land dick first?”

“No!” Hizashi buried his face in his hands. “No, it wasn’t like that. I only meant to cheer her up a little, but there she was...all beautiful and sad and sweet and lonely...like a love song.”

Nemuri didn’t say a word and he lifted his head, watching the way she stroked her finger through the condensation on her beer bottle.

“Hizashi,” she said, “I don’t know how we got here, but somehow you’re the Shinohara.”

Hizashi buried his face in his hands again, remembering Shinohara’s lurid blushes and trembling hands.

“I don’t want to be the Shinohara,” he wailed into his hands. “I don’t want any of this!”

Nemuri reached out to pat his head, beer forgotten and all of the mirth gone from her face. She remembered a different time and a different trio: a different story of unrequited love.

She wondered what Shirakumo would have said about all of this.

Knowing him, he’d find a way to fall in love with you as well.

“Listen,” she said, patting his head, “let’s assume (Name) really is the girl from Ego .”

“But she-”

“Let’s assume she is.”

“But she is the-eeek!”

Nemuri had picked up her beer and rested it on his head, sending a surge of cold through his scalp.

“Listen to me,” she said. “You don’t have to feel guilty about pursuing either of them.”

Hizashi didn’t miss her wording. They could be his. He didn’t need to feel guilty about pursuing either of them. He had never mentioned having any kind of feelings for Shouta to her. He’d never mentioned them to anyone.

“How long have you known?”

Had he really been that obvious?

“I asked you a while ago if you remembered Shinohara,” said Nemuri.

“You did...and I do!”

“No,” she sighed. “No, you don’t.”

She lifted the bottle from his head to take a sip, remembering the way she, Hizashi and Shirakumo had crouched against the wall in the neighbouring classroom to eavesdrop; the way Shirakumo had reached into her lap without looking to help himself to the chips she’d brought. She remembered the tension in everyone’s bodies as Aizawa began to speak.

Neither Hizashi nor Shirakumo had ever looked so relieved as the moment he turned her down.

“Hizashi,” she said. “Do you want to date one of them, or do you want them to date each other? Which one is it?”

He stayed silent, knowing that the true answer was neither of those things. He wanted both of them in every way it was possible to want anyone. He wanted to be greedy, wanted to be selfish, wanted to forget how it felt to be lonely.

“I want to do the right thing.”

Nemuri sighed and scratched her chin.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It...I…” Hizashi rested his head on the table. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I just want them to be happy.”

“In that case, I know what we have to do next,” she said. “1-A are going to summer camp next week and I was supposed to be chaperoning the girls. I could...hypothetically...be unable to go.”

Hizashi looked up at her and nodded, as visibly sad as a wilting sunflower.

“I guess that’s the plan, then,” she said. “Now don’t forget to smile!”

He didn’t get the chance to ask why, for you and Shouta returned with drinks at that very moment and the transformation was instantaneous.

“Heyyyy, what took you guys so long,” he cried out, practically bouncing back up with an enormous grin plastered across his face, “we thought you got lost!”

“Not quite,” you said, with a giggle. “I couldn’t decide what drink to get.”

“Ahhh, indecision,” said Nemuri, with a knowing smile. “Sounds familiar.”

You sat back down at the table, Shouta not far behind.

“So,” you said, “what were you guys talking about?”

~~~~~

FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

From the moment you stepped inside of the sushi bar, Shouta had made it quite clear he didn’t intend to stay. Even so, you had been there for well over an hour and, while he had poked and prodded at his food and stayed quiet, he hadn’t made any attempt to leave. He had even offered to help you carry the next round of drinks and you were finding it difficult to hide your joy.

He didn’t say much even then, but you didn’t mind it, losing yourself in the numerous options on the cocktail menu.

When he did speak, it took you by surprise.

“Back then. What did you mean?”

You recalled the last conversation you had had at the table, about what you planned to get up to now that your schedule was all but clear. You had mentioned going to Yamanashi to pick peaches and wondered what part of that might have confused him.

“The...the fruit farm?”

“No,” he sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Do you like peaches?”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

“Okay,” you said, wondering what it was he meant to ask you, not noticing the way his eyeline skirted across your bare ring finger.

The pair of you fell into silence again, watching as the bartender put together your drinks.

“I do,” said Shouta at last.

“Hmm?”

“Peaches. I like them.”

“Oh! In that case I’ll bring back a souvenir!”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“But I want to!”

Shouta sighed and rubbed his temples and you wondered if you’d said the wrong thing.

You wondered what it was he had meant to ask you and clasped your hands together.

“Shouta.”

“Yes?”

You took a deep breath, the question dying on your lips.

“What about cherries?”

~~~~~

A/N: RIP EVERYONE READING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS A DOOZY

#bnha #erasermic x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #yamada hizashi x reader #present mic x reader #eraserhead x reader #habanero

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ntamain · 3 years

Photo

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

#this is for sure already on tumble #but it's so cute #I had to #mine #r/relationships #tw// ed #edit: I'll add a transcript in a minute just gotta figure out how to make it accessible

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makeste · 4 years

Note

I’ve just realised it’s been over a year since you last listed your top 10 characters! Has anything changed since then?

a lot has changed! actually, every single ranking has changed from last time except for one (which you can probably guess, lol).

1. Bakugou (previous rank: 1)

yes, believe it or not, Bakugou is still my favorite. I’ll understand if you all need a moment to recuperate from the shock of this.

2. Deku (previous rank: 4)

hi, so. I really love Deku a lot. I think he is a great character and there’s a lot of subtlety and complexity to him that he doesn’t always get credit for. he is loving and kind, but he’s not a pushover. he has moments of deer-in-headlights anxiety when he’s in the spotlight or talking to celebrities (or girls), but then he’ll go and launch into a five-hour speech if someone mentions a topic he’s interested in. he’s very much aware of the huge burden that’s been placed on his shoulders, and is struggling to figure out how to become his own person (which is fucking hard, you guys; how many sixteen-year-olds do you know who have a solid, firm idea of who they are as a person and what it is about themselves that makes them unique individuals?) while still living up to All Might’s legacy. he’s smart and determined and capable of extraordinary things, but second-guesses himself and has a tendency to overthink everything he does. he is interesting!! and he doesn’t always get credit for being interesting! but he is! anyways Deku ilu.

3. Aizawa (previous rank: 2)

still the best. still so tired. the manga is tripling down lately on highlighting how awesome he is. childhood angst and guilt and trauma?? yes. kicking lots of ass?? hell yes. being outrageously sexy with his floating wavy hair and glowy red eyes and spending almost this entire arc in Eraser Mode while Horikoshi hopes to god no one remembers how he made it a Whole Thing after USJ that Aizawa supposedly couldn’t hold his quirk for long periods like that anymore?? oh, you bet. who is even gonna complain about it. you?? I sure am not. and last but not least, being the greatest dad in the world who’s willing to stab god in the face in order to stay alive to protect his children and continue to watch them grow?? fam. you goddamn know that is a YES WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. how can one character honestly be so great. how can he even contain it. he’s so powerful.

4. Todoroki (previous rank: 5/6)

Ochako slid all the way off my top ten list and I feel so bad about it. but she hasn’t had the spotlight for a long time, and meanwhile Shouto has had what feels like ARC AFTER ARC of being awesome and doing awesome things like becoming Bakugou’s Undisputed Best Friend, having the longest and purest canon romantic relationship in the series (I am of course talking about him/soba), and playing a key role in one of the most beautifully executed family arcs I have ever seen, with his conflicted feelings about his father that are so layered that THEIR LAYERS HAVE LAYERS. and meanwhile his quirk kicks as much ass as ever. remember that one time Shouto almost burned Tetsutetsu alive. remember that other time he fucking annihilated Ending (“GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER”)?! and meanwhile he remains the goodest and purest child in the entire series, making sure Mt. Lady’s heart is okay, and offering his two friends internships without a second’s hesitation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. it’s just what they do you guys.

5. Hawks (previous rank: n/a! welcome to the top ten kiddo.)

OH NO I LOVE A MURDERER WHAT A STUNNING INDICTMENT OF ME. send me off to jail. anyway so I have always liked Hawks, but the latest arc has sent him skyrocketing up through the ranks of my heart. not because of the murder thing, but... okay well but actually, it is because of the murder thing though. NOT BECAUSE I’M HAPPY HE KILLED A GUY WE ALL LOVED, jesus, but because of how well Horikoshi portrayed his struggle over it. he didn’t want to do it!! but he ended up having to in the end, and he paid one hell of a heavy price for it. and listen, but if you give me a character who is smart, who is compassionate, and who is one of the most mentally and physically capable characters we’ve seen in the series and yet simultaneously does not have even the slightest ounce of regard or self-preservation for his own mental health? a character who is tired, who is willing to make sacrifices up to and including the ultimate sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good? a character who is achingly alone and isolated in so much of what he has to go through, who doesn’t dare drop his guard ever, who’s not able or willing to share his burdens with anyone else? if you give me a character like that, and then ask me not to love him, it’s like. I am very sorry but I truly have no say in it at this point. he’s adopted. I’m sorry it’s the law.

6. Tomura (previous rank: n/a)

OH NO I LOVE TWO MURDERERS WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH ME. hahaha. so in between the time of now and when I last did a character ranking, Tomura had a flashback! and it was very traumatic! he was little and sweet and his dad was a dick and there was a lot of blood and gore and a dog died!! and then AFO was all “HELLO IT’S ME COME TO SWOOP IN AND ADOPT YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO KILL STUFF AND ALSO HERE ARE YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S SEVERED BODY PARTS TO ADORN YOURSELF WITH SO YOU NEVER STOP FEELING MISERABLE.” and everyone sitting there reading was all, “well I’ll just come out and say it, I can sort of understand why he became a murderer now,” and we all agreed that yes, it did indeed make a great deal of sense, when you put it that way. anyway, so obviously you can’t not feel empathy toward the kid after all that, even if he is going around killing A WHOLE LOT MORE people now, and has basically gone batshit insane actually. I remain steadfast in my conviction that Tomura is not the actual final villain -- AFO is. and call me crazy, but in spite of everything, I still think this kid has a shot at redemption. it won’t be pretty, and it’ll be a long, long path, and he might not ever fully make it all the way, but he’s someone who’s been manipulated and used as a puppet his entire life, and I want him to have the chance to finally break free from that. hopefully he’ll get it.

7. Mirko (previous rank: n/a)

so previously this section just said “MIRKO!!!!!”, which I honestly think sums it up pretty well. I honestly can’t think of any other character who has come along and just slapped me straight across the face with their sheer awesomeness as much as her, though. every time she’s onscreen/on the page my face is just a huge grin the entire time. she is fearless. like, she’s the type of person who actually does laugh in the face of danger -- like that’s not just an expression, she will LITERALLY LAUGH. she is Peter Pan with a dagger to his throat, smiling and saying “to die would be an awfully big adventure.” she is someone who’s found her purpose in life and is thriving. Mirko has no time for your existential angst; she’s too busy kicking ass every minute of every hour of every day. I love her so, so much. thank you so much Horikoshi for being obsessed with her and making her the biggest badass in the whole series.

8. All Might (previous rank: 3)

I still adore him! he just has had next to nothing to do for what seems like forever, so the other characters who are still getting steady development are kind of just sneaking past him one by one. but he is still the absolute best. he cares so much. so, so, so, so much. he’s not always the most natural when it comes to being a teacher or a mentor, and he stumbles and makes mistakes, but he loves his kids. he cares about them so fiercely. and that’s far and away the most important thing, and it’s not even close. and he’s also just so endlessly self-sacrificing and constantly putting everyone else before himself, and it’s insane. he’s someone who is just constantly thinking, “how can I do more, how can I help more, what else can I do to try and make the world better” even as he stumbles along with half a lung, and struggles with his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and feeling like it’s just still not enough. I want to give All Might the biggest hug in the world and tell him that it’s all right, that he did good, that the kids are going to be all right. when Aizawa told him “you being alive is enough” I almost had a breakdown tbh. anyway if I keep going I’m gonna talk myself into moving him back up the list and then I’ll have to rearrange this whole thing lol so suffice it to say, fuck yeah All Might.

9. Momo (previous rank: 7)

when is Momo gonna do more stuff, Horikoshi?? huh??! he does realize that whenever she does stuff it’s always amazing?? so why is she not just constantly doing amazing, awesome stuff all the time?? I don’t know, and frankly I’ve had just about enough of this. let Momo do stuff 2020. but I won’t talk about this anymore for now because I haven’t ready any chapter 278 spoilers and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

(ETA: I HAVE READ CHAPTER 278 NOW AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSS!!! MOMO!!!! also I swear to god I genuinely had not seen any spoilers when I was writing this post lol, it was a total coincidence. I’m glad the “let Momo do stuff 2020″ campaign was so immediately successful though.)

10. Kaminari (previous rank: 8)

last but not least, my five-and-a-half-year-old traitor son, Kaminari Denki. he is just such a shining beam of light and life and goodness and chaos. there is this amazingly buoyant energy whenever he’s on the page that just fills me with love for him. I constantly just want to ruffle his hair, just, all the damn time. he is everybody’s friend, he loves them all so much, and he fearlessly calls Bakugou “Kacchan” heedless of the repercussions (OF WHICH THERE WERE NONE!!), and he sincerely tells Jirou that he’s in awe of her musical talents, and he wrecked his fingers learning to play guitar for her but he was happy to do it, and he was afraid to fight in the big ALL THE VILLAINS VS ALL THE HEROES battle because DUH!?! but he still did it anyway because he had to protect his friends. and his quirk and its side effects are constantly used for comic relief and not taken seriously at all (even though it’s actually insanely powerful holy shit), but he doesn’t care because he’s happy to make his friends happy. he’ll willingly be the butt of the joke if it means he gets to see them laugh. he just has such a big heart, and in all seriousness, if you think he’s the traitor I just don’t even know what to say to you.

so that’s it! Tokoyami, Ochako, Shinsou, Iida, and Sero would probably be the next five, with Endeavor, Toga, Mina, Jirou, and Mirio rounding out the top twenty. maybe not in that exact order but it’s close enough. really there are only like three characters in the series I actually truly dislike, so I’m honestly glad “top ten” is the general standard otherwise I’d be here all night running through them all lol.

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Note

(yes i'm sending two). the other one should be in the kitchen for no reason at all, with whatever ship you want! :D

I am a simple human. I see "whatever ship I want" and my mind immediately screams analogical XD I had too much fun writing this so I hope you enjoy tooth rotting fluff!

Just How Lovely He Is

Summary: Logan gets lost in thought as he thinks about his life with Virgil, deciding after that a kiss is definitely needed.

Warnings: very brief, non explicit sex mention.

Ships: Romantic Analogical, Logan x Virgil

WC: 1, 573

Logan smiled softly as he watched Virgil from over the edge of his book. He hadn't turned the page in a while but thankfully the younger man hadn't seemed to notice over the music playing on the counter beside him. Evanescence played a rolling beat to accompany the clanking of dishes Virgil had insisted on doing, bowls and pans from their late lunch of valiantly attempted vegetable stir fry stacked gleaming in the drip rack. He still wore his hoodie, albeit with the sleeves scrunched up tight above his elbows, tendons tensing and releasing in his thin wrists as he scrubbed at a patch of rice stuck burnt to a pan's bottom. Logan's smile grew wider as the other huffed at his long bangs that had fallen into his eyes to make them fluff away for a moment only to let them fall back again.

His hair was just as long as when Logan first met him, all bite and almost no show as his sarcastic quips kept people at a comfortable arm distance, preferably more if he could manage it. But he had needed help and Logan was right there. He remembered how the darkly dressed boy had turned to him angrily, false bravado flashing in his eyes but fingers twisting in stretched out sleeves telling an entirely different story. The math had been hard, calculus being new to both of them and Logan with only the tiniest step up in understanding to really add to Virgil's confusion. They had both stuck it out though, too stubborn to give up on what they had silently agreed would be a one time thing anyway and as long as they had worked together in class they may as well puzzle out their homework together at the library.

The library had turned to the common area, and the common area Logan's dorm room where Virgil had discovered his self edited poster of Ellie from Up pointing to a NASA logo exclaiming "Adventure is out there!". Virgil had laughed, calling him a nerd to which Logan had immediately bristled but quickly calmed when the emo began rambling about his old dorm mate that had been obsessed with all things Disney and Pixar, Up being a movie Roman would cry in the beginning for every single time it was put on. He went on to talk about debates the two would have and the arguments that would often break out about the true meaning behind the films which had then dissolved into conspiracy theories that Logan was quickly sucked into, homework forgotten as they chatted long into the evening, only shutting up once their stomachs growled and they had laughed at the hours that went by, mutually deciding pizza over calculus was the way to go.

The first time Logan remembers thinking Virgil was beautiful they were eating at a park bench trading class gossip back and forth when he had said something particularly relatable, making Logan's eyes light up as he dug out a flashcard he had just made without thinking, nodding to himself before quoting "same-sise". Virgil had looked so confused as Logan registered what he had done, quickly hiding the note card against his stomach and looking down in shame.

"What did you just say L?" He had said.

"I was...I had read the slang word a few times and looked it up since it seemed relevant. I'm not...the most proficient at new social terms."

"Hey it's alright, honestly. Can I see?"

Reluctantly he had handed over his cards and watched as Virgil read the word over. "It's pronounced same-seas. But you used it in the right context. Some of these are outdated though...I could teach you the new ones people use now if you want? So you can keep up with conversations and stuff."

Flabbergasted Logan could only nod, watching as a huge grin broke out on Virgil's face, one of the few genuine smiles he offered. No judgement, not even a hint of disdain were found in his gray green eyes, making Logan's stomach flip with an unfamiliar feeling at the thought of being listened to, wanted, and only one thought graced him with its presence as Virgil began talking again.

'Beautiful'

Later on Logan learned about Virgil's panic attacks, helping him through several and regularly guiding his breathing before tests and after classes. Virgil learned of his own pent up anxiety attacks and was always there to lay a careful hand on his shoulder or words of encouragement from a safe distance away. They learned it was okay to lean on each other, asking for help at two in the morning or a hug at three. Virgil found tight hugs and soothing backrubs grounding while Logan found he very much enjoyed the others pale fingers carding through his dark hair. They weren't always physically affectionate, sometimes they couldn't be as touch could be too overwhelming, so quiet 'heys' were exchanged with soft looks instead.

The first time 'I love you' was said it was whispered so quietly Logan had almost missed it, tucked under the blankets with his legs tangled with Virgil's and fingers threaded together. His heart had nearly stuttered to a stop, emotions overflowing as those three words hit him harder than anything anyone had ever said to him. It hurt, how much he loved Virgil, with his despicable music taste he had grown accustomed to and had downloaded to his phone. His dyed purple hair that he grumbled about staining the towels. The way he always had the AC cranked up because of the oversized hoodie he wore everywhere all year long since it was his favorite comfort item. His chipped fingernail polish and dark eyeshadow that did nothing to hide the bright smile that had slowly become more and more common. He had choked on his sobs, Virgil's breath hitching as he began to stutter out an apology before lips were being pressed to his own even as tears dripped down to splash against his cheeks. Logan had pulled back, embarrassed, just managing to gasp out his long belated confession.

"I love you too. Virgil, I love you so much-" Their lips had met again, softer and sweeter and nowhere near perfect with snot dripping from Logan's nose and Virgil's palms sweaty with anxiety but it was fine because Virgil loved him.

Virgil loved him.

And Logan loved Virgil. From chaste kisses shared (not so) discreetly in the halls to heavier ones shared between moans behind firmly shut doors. Logan held Virgil's hand or linked pinkies or pulled him down on his lap as he read. Virgil wrapped warm and safe arms around his shoulders or held his face between cold palms or brushed their shoulders gently in passing. They shared friendly banter and heated arguments alike, both too stubborn to admit to a wrongdoing in the moment and having cool off separately for however long it took for one to miss the other, which was never that long at all really.

Unfortunately life had gotten in the way. Different jobs across the town and neither of them owning a car meant Virgil stayed in an apartment building close to his work while Logan did likewise miles away. Still more often than not they enjoyed eachothers company in either apartment, Virgil's being smaller and cramped while Logan had yet to disclose he had rented a two bedroom much closer to a mid way point between their respective jobs. They had discussed it earlier but at the time neither of them had had the finances so it was put in the back burner. Until now.

Logan came back from his reverie to see Virgil finishing up drying the dishes, mouthing along to a new song as he bounced in place slightly to the tune, making Logan smile yet again. Everything Virgil did was infuriatingly adorable, from his hips swaying slightly as he bent to put a pan back to the way he tried to be subtle about pushing back the hair he knew had grown too long from his face. Mind made up, Logan stood and smoothly took away the towel to place it on the counter, reaching up to gently brush Virgil's bangs from his beautiful eyes staring at him in question. Instead of answering Logan brought both hands up to the others cheeks, brushing them over softly with his thumb as he leaned forward.

Their lips met as Virgil twisted Logan's shirt in his fists to pull him closer, closed mouth kiss long and lingering as they smiled into it. Logan brought his hand around the back of Virgil's neck and tipped his head slightly, deepening the kiss with a simple swipe of the tongue, teeth carefully avoided with practice and mouths moving in sync. Logan pulled away first only just enough to lean forward and press their foreheads together, still holding the other as gently as he would a treasure, eyes locking as Virgil's eyes crinkled with adoring amusement.

"What was that for you sap?" He asked softly, rubbing tiny circles against his stomach through his now wrinkled shirt.

The extra apartment key felt heavy in his pocket with the added stormcloud keychain he had had specially commissioned, weighing his pocket with a promise he couldn't wait to make. "No reason."

Smiling he kissed the other again and again, making him laugh and bat playfully at his face.

No reason at all.

This work is also available on AO3!

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #kiss prompt #sanders sides fluff #fluffy fluff #analogical #virgil x logan #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides analogical #false writes

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tiannarosetarot · 4 years

Text

Full Moon in Aries and Month of October ‘Pick a Card’ Reading

Hi guys! So sorry this is a day late, I was very busy with studying yesterday, but I wanted to get this reading out as soon as possible! Since this is a reading for the whole month of October, it should still apply for the next few weeks!

This is going to be my first ‘Pick a Card’ reading and I’m very excited for it, but let’s see how this goes!

Basically if you’ve never tried one of these before, this is a reading where you get to choose the cards that you resonate the most with right now. I have set up 4 different piles of cards that you get to choose between in order to determine what your energy will be like for the month of October as well as this Full Moon in Aries. I have also placed a crystal with each reading, one representing each of the four elements, in order to help you make your decision of which pile to choose. Although you may choose a certain crystal, that does not necessarily mean that it will be the predominant element in your reading, it just means you may be more drawn to that energy right now. Once you’ve made your decision, you can scroll down to the correct pile to find your reading!

Before you do that however, I want to point out that a few cards showed up in at least two of today’s piles. We had quite a bit of overlap, therefore a lot of these readings may have similar messages as they have similar cards. However this can actually be a good thing as it means that these are more overarching energies of this month. There may be some cards mentioned in the reading that are not in the image, these are cards that fell out afterwards as I was shuffling, and therefore I have not included a picture of those, but if you want an image of a specific card, feel free to send me a message! I also want to point out that some readings may seem a little shorter than others, this could mean that there are less cards or that there are just more similar meanings that can be talked about in less sentences, so don’t worry if yours seems a little shorter, they are all what you need to hear right now.

Overall it seems like this is really a time of transformation, which is what the fall season is about. You are being called to think about what you can release; some big things being stress, worry, burdens, fears etc. This is really a time where things may need to get worse before they can get better, but I promise, things will get better. Everything you are going through right now, is teaching you necessary lessons for your journey forward, and someday you will look back at how far you’ve come and know that everything was worth it! I will not do an official outro today, so I’ll just leave it here, but I do want you guys to remember to take care of yourselves, especially as we are entering into the colder months of the year. Stay safe, stay healthy, and most importantly, let yourself have a little fun - within reason of course : )

Now let’s get started!

Here are the four piles you can chose from. Once you’ve made your decision, scroll down to the correct pile!

Pile 1 - Fire

Cards in this Pile:

Beyond The Mind, The Heart Beats

Council of Light

Play

Waning Moon

New Moon in Taurus

Fixed Moon

Full Moon in Capricorn

Knight of Wands

The High Priestess reversed

The World reversed

Three of Swords

Three of Cups

King of Cups

The Hermit

Nine of Cups reversed

Five of Cups

If you picked Pile 1, you’re drawn to the element of fire. This reading has a pretty balanced amount of fire, water and earth energy, with air being a little less represented. There is a lot of passion in this time, and a lot at stake. Things may be moving too quickly, and you may feel like things are out of control or falling apart. You are being asked to think about what needs to be released. Allow your heart to open and take control instead of your mind. Let go of your fears and worries and doubts and allow yourself to play. Don’t be so serious or so hard on yourself. You may be doubting your self-worth, but if you stay true to who you are, prosperity lies ahead. Do some soul searching now, we have quite a few cards asking you to reflect on how you’ve been living your life, and figure out what is holding you back from your dreams. As we enter this season of transformation, don’t be afraid to let the old fall away. You are on the right path and the end of a tough cycle is approaching. You still have a little more work to do, and a few more lessons to learn before the end of your journey, but that’s great as it gives you a chance to enjoy life! It is really important now to celebrate your accomplishments and how far you have come. Take some time to put things aside whether that is physical things like work, or mental things like your worries or fears. Leave anything toxic behind and prioritize what is important to you. Trust your heart and rebel against fear, as you hold the power of the universe, and you will be able to find peace and happiness. Trust your own intuition and listen to what your heart is telling you. If things seem hard right now, call on the Council of Light. They are here to help you with any number of tasks, but that can only begin if you give permission to be helped on your soul mission. We also have the number 3 occurring a few times in this reading, which could possibly be referring to the past 3 months or weeks (likely a shorter time period because of the fire energy) or could also be referring to the future 3 months or weeks. Focus on some self care, make yourself a priority, and allow yourself and the situation to be healed. It may be tough throughout this process, but you are not alone, and you will emerge on the other side stronger than ever!

Pile 2 - Earth

Cards in this reading:

Free from judgement, free to love

The Ever-Unfolding Rose

Protection

The Crumbling

Waxing Moon

New Moon in Gemini

Full Moon in Gemini

New Moon in Aquarius

Temperance

Nine of Swords

Knight of Pentacles

Justice

Four of Cups reversed

Seven of Wands

If you picked this pile you were attracted to the Earth crystal which very much matches the first oracle card of the reading which says that, you are learning to mother or be mothered, as in, you are beginning to believe in life, to be moved by compassion and to be genuinely encouraging and respectful of people. You are being asked to open up to receive more nurturing. You can nurture yourself or you can give others the opportunity to nurture you. You have the potential to feel safe and secure, regardless of what is happening around you. If you have been having nightmares or intense anxiety lately, stop, relax and center yourself into your body to feel a connection with life. Think about the situation you are going through and ask yourself how much you are relying on others to bring you what you want. This may be a time where you need to take more practical steps towards your goals, and take care of matters on your own. However, the answers you need are coming. The energy is gaining momentum and changes may be coming quickly. In this time, you need to focus on communication! We have the New Moon in Gemini and the Full Moon in Gemini, as well as a lot of other Air energy cards. It is important to be open to new possibilities and not give up hope yet. However you need to find a balance. Be careful that you are not causing further issues with your words. The card The Crumbling, calls us to release anything that is not serving us. You will be going through a time of changes and transformation, where anything that is not authentic or is built on shaky ground will crumble. This is similar to the Tower card in tarot. However these things are happening in order to bring you back home to who you truly are. Surrender control and stop trying to hold everything together. Protect your energy and remember that times are hard right now. However, the Ever-Unfolding Rose card says, it is happening for you, not to you. Remember this, that everything is happening for a reason, to make you stronger. Give yourself the space to love and be loved.

Pile 3 - Air

Come to Life

Break the Chain

Play

Third Quarter Moon

Full Moon in Capricorn

New Moon in Aquarius

Full Moon in Gemini

King of Cups reversed

Knight of Swords

King of Swords reversed

The Moon

The Emperor

Knight of Wands

Pile 3 represents the element of Air and this matches the high amount of air energy in these cards. This is a big time for you Pile 3! You are experiencing a deep creative and energetic awakening. This month, emotions will be strong, and therefore you need a way to express yourself creatively. Take some time to do what you love or find a new passion, allow yourself to play. Don’t fall back into old ways as you are too awake for that now. The Break the Chain card adds to this idea, by stating that you are being called to heal your family line or free yourself from living the life of your ancestors. Reflect on your life and figure out how you want it to be in the future. You have the potential now to heal past traumas, and remove things, people or habits that no longer serve you. The Crumbling card also appears in this reading, further instituting that you need to let these things fall away. You likely have been living with things that frustrate you, possibly without even realizing it. Maybe there is that one item in the house that never works, or you have to go out of your way to do something. Maybe there is just uncontrollable clutter in your house or your mind that is causing you to get angry with those around you. Take the time now to be careful about the words you use, and communicate with those around you. This could possibly be you explaining why you’ve been having a hard time lately, or expressing that you would like someone to change something in order for you to feel better. Make time for yourself, and remember that self care is not selfish. You will be recovering from a loss or difficult time now, and moving into a new opportunity and prosperity. Take time to manifest now what you want and don’t give up. Even if you feel outnumbered or that there are too many things holding you back, you can achieve your dreams. The answers you need are coming and the end of a touch cycle is approaching, but you may need to make some minor adjustments to your expectations. That is not to say you should give up on what you’re yearning for, but maybe you need to be a little more practical of what you can achieve right now, or come up with some reasonable steps to reach your goal. We have heavy fire and air energy in this reading, so things are moving and changing fairly quickly and you are beginning to see what you have been working so hard for. Bring love into the situation, try not to be overly sensitive or cold-hearted to those around you who are trying to help.

Pile 4 - Water

Big Bold Vision

Don’t Dim to Fit In

Dance With Life

Warrior Woman (can apply to anyone)

The Ever-Unfolding Rose

Full Moon in Gemini

New Moon in Aquarius

Disseminating Moon

Waning Moon

King of Pentacles reversed

Eight of Swords reversed

Five of Pentacles reversed

King Of Wands

Four of Wands

The Magician

Four of Pentacles reversed

Those of you who picked Pile 4 are drawn to water energy, the flowing streams and beautiful lakes and oceans, the water that purifies our world and the feminine energy that brings us life. Surprisingly however, we have a large and equal number of all 3 other elements but water in these cards, however, I know that there is definitely some representation of water when you look closely enough. Right off the bat, this reading seems to be the most big and powerful of the four. While the others seemed to be more about self reflection, this reading is mostly talking about self expression. You are not meant to play a small role in life. You are meant to live a big, bold and visionary life; it’s also something bigger than just yourself. A big new opportunity is coming to you and it may feel like it’s too much for you to handle, but you are meant for it. It is meant for you. At the same time though, this reading is bringing up a lot of cards that are saying there is likely something in your life that is not meant for you right now. You are a warrior, you are here for a reason. However fear, or another person may be holding you back from that right now. Someone who is domineering or controlling may be making you feel like you are not allowed to shine. But this is what you were made for. Don’t dim your own light to make someone else not feel so small. If someone has a problem with you shining brighter and living your true potential, they are not meant to be in your life. You need to think about what needs to be released. Remind yourself that life goes in cycles. To quote a little inspirational song you might know, “The morning will come again, because no darkness, no season can last forever.” The situation has peaked now and things will start to even themselves back out again. But you will not be going back to your old ways, instead you are entering into a new time when you will be authentically you, maybe for the first time or at least the first time in a while. Don’t hold back now. Keep yourself open, keep yourself flexible and flowing like the water crystal for this pile. Learn to dance with life, and to move with the energy of the universe. Change the things that have not been serving you, and remember that courage is not possible without fear. This is a difficult time right now, but you are so close to something amazing. You are about to burst with the beautiful energy that you were meant to embody and the universe is so ready for you to arrive.

Have an amazing day everyone, see you soon!

#october #october tarot reading #full moon #full moon in aries #tarot reading #tarot #oracle #pick a card #tiannarosetarot

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love-and-anarchy-au · 4 years

Text

Love & Anarchy: Chapter 3

yes, i know i said i’d unpload chapters on mondays or/and wednesdays, but today im particularybored, so i decided to post chapter 3! this chapter is told by julieta’s pov; hope you like it! <3

REMEMBER THIS AU HAPPENS IN THE SAME UNIVERSE THAT THIS ONE

Find out what this AU is about here

Masterlist

WARNING: this chapter includes violence

Tag list: @healing-winston-pratt @dawniebb @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @everyone-has-a-nightmare @magykaldealings

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Words:

8,565

Part 1: A boy named Alec Artino

4 years old Alec

The world was hell, even though God had not consecrated it that way.

Julieta Artino knew that.

The world was magic and mystery, just as God had made it.

Julieta Artino was these.

Every day was the same for Julieta, eternal servant of God; kind, humble and helpful: getting up, making her bed, making breakfast (coffee and cheap oatmeal) for her whole family, studying, reading, shopping, making lunch for her whole family (risotto, sometimes without mushrooms or cheese, or even wine; just rice when they couldn’t afford anything else), taking care of Alec when their parents couldn't (always, basically), take care of his education (because her parents couldn't), prepare dinner with her mother (if she wasn’t ill). Julieta saw in the mirror how her eyes sank, how her shoulders fell and how her smile weakened day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Combing her hair, putting on her headband, feeling a heat that invaded her veins as she did it. Breathe, sigh, breathe, sigh. Pray before eating, without her father seeing her, since he would call her stupid for finding shelter in someone (something?) that perhaps did not exist.

That day was no exception.

Mamma was in the neighboring city buying supplements that were not available in their city, Papà and David were selling David's metals and Julieta had to do the shopping and take care of Alec. Julieta took her little brother's little hands, made him look presentable and they went together to the nearest (and cheapest) market.

Alec kept asking questions, something usual for a four year old child, but the questions he asked were unusual questions for anyone. Alec wanted to talk about topics that were forbidden by and for society: prodigies. Julieta was the only one brave and close enough to answer the questions (God had created prodigies to protect Humanity, after all), muttering and whispering, as if they were telling other people's secrets (which was not right and Julieta didn't do it, not even with her gossipiest friends).

“What determines that you are a prodigy?” little Alec asked, covering his mouth with his hand, without being concealed. Julieta was analyzing the price of a three kilo sack of flour. A lump formed in her throat when she saw how expensive it was.

“Any pattern that does not follow the pattern of an average human,” whispered Julieta, pretending now to examine a package of dry noodles, sneaking it between her hands, though they made all their food at home; the other was too expensive to pay.

“If you have an extra finger, you are a prodigy?”

Julieta softly denied. Alec's questions grew more complex by the day, but her will to answer them became stronger as well.

“This pattern is part of the genetic pattern of humans. It's not usual, but it's not that unusual either.”

Alec nodded, and poked a sack of chickpeas with his index finger. Julieta felt how the texture of the bag had caught her little brother's attention.

“If you have an extra eye ...?” he suggested, his voice high and innocent, a voice that made Julieta want to hug him to her chest and never let go of her pure little brother again.

Julieta nodded and gave him a loving smile.

“Very strange things, Alec il mio amore. Strange things make us prodigies,” she whispered, savoring the words, as if they weren't forbidden by and for humans.

Alec frowned, his eyes wide. The boy was listening very carefully.

“Us?”

Julieta swallowed hard and clenched her fist, without Alec seeing her.

“I meant ‘them’.”

Alec's frown didn't relax. He was no fool.

Julieta smiled sadly. Her brother would find out sooner or later what she was, since he was a very clever boy, very cunning. His suspicions would be confirmed in the long run.

She could only wish he didn't kill her.

Well, her and David.

Julieta grabbed a half dozen eggs and a carton of milk and she and Alec came over to pay for them. Julieta took some copper coins out of her apron, after searching hopefully in her pocket, and placed them on the wooden counter. The cashier pursed her lips as she counted the coins one by one, noting that they were not counterfeit coins and their value. The thought was almost instantaneous.

There isn’t enough money.

“We'll pay for it tomorrow, signora,” Julieta promised, putting on her most convincing smile. The cashier snorted contemptuously and put the coins in her tin cash register. She wrapped the eggs in newspaper and kept what they bought in a wooden bag that Alec wanted to take, but Julieta wouldn't let him carry fragile things with his clumsy little hands. The day would come when he could help her properly.

“You better do it,” replied the cashier, when everything was packed.

The cashier didn't stop frowning and growled a “ciao”. Julieta nodded and said goodbye with a friendly wave of her hand.

As her dusty leafters stepped onto the ancient stone sidewalk, a shuddering scream came from no far from her, it cut her soul in two.

Oh no. Not again.

At the end of the street, a woman with indistinguishable features was sprawled on the ground, her dusty white shirt torn and thrown on the ground. Around her, people were gathered and staring at her, burning fire from their eyes and smoke from their ears. Alec tugged insistently at Julieta's hand, he wanted to see what was happening up close.

Julieta did not move.

God, why?

The woman's back was covered in feathers, angry red feathers, fiery oranges, garish yellows, phosphorescent greens, deep blues, and pinkish violets. The reaction was instantaneous and sparkling, like lighting a match.

“Monster!” they yelled at her.

“Demon!” they called her.

And it was a matter of seconds until they began to spit out their revulsion and throw gray stones at her. People spewed insults and profanities, more people joined in the act of contempt for the poor, harmless woman. She sobbed and cried, begging for mercy where there was none, not for her. A lump formed in Julieta's throat, and tears threatened to roll down her cheeks. She couldn't cry, not there, not in front of those people.

Why do they hate us? Why, God?

She did not know why, nor did God give her the answer. Sometimes she had to find out herself.

Within minutes, they got tired of hurting and mutilating her body and soul and decided to kill her. Julieta had witnessed many murders of prodigies, they always tended to be similar, as if they followed the same dramaturgy. First act: reaction of the worst insults a mouth could say. Second act: physical violence, almost worse than the words said minutes before (stones and sticks, spitting and shoving). Third act: proper death (murder) of the poor prodigy. The crowd poured alcohol on her bloody feathers and threw a burning match. The woman began to burn like Rome and her screams echoed off the stone walls, over and over and over again. People jeered and encouraged the fire to kill the woman once and for all. It was a chorus of horror, the scene was inhuman, it seemed more like hell than Earth.

Although, after all, the world was hell.

But Julieta refused to accept it. She was sure that God did all of this for something, for some logical and ancient reason.

God got tired of that play and the woman died, her sobs gradually stopped before that, and her burning corpse was left on the tiles with red drops of blood from the street.

The crowd dispersed, as if no crime or atrocity had happened a few minutes ago. The murder of that woman would go unpunished, like everyone else’s.

Alec's eyes were glassy and he was holding Julieta's hand very tightly.

“Why did they do that to her? Aren't prodigies, heroes sent by God to save Humanity?” Alec whispered, repeating the story Julieta used to tell him before going to sleep.

And Julieta responded, honest as she was.

“I don't know why, maybe it's just part of some God's plan to save us.”

Alec looked into her eyes, scared, as if he, too, was a prodigy.

“When? How much time is left until that happens?”

Julieta sighed, clutching the wooden bag of eggs and milk to her breast, threatening to break it with all the anxiety that this revulsion at prodigies caused her.

“I have no idea, Alec. But I can tell you something.”

Alec was instantly interested.

“What something?” exclaimed the kid.

Julieta smiled with superhuman effort. The result was a shy but genuine smile.

“You will see. Come on, let’s go, Alec.”

#love & anarchy #love & anarchy au #ace anarchy's backstory #ace anarchy #alec artino #julieta artino #prodigies #warning: violence #trigger: violence #violence #renegades #before renegades #au #my au

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vixey-chakraborty · 3 years

Text

The Investment [Part Two] & [Ratfox]

In which, after a meeting at InterPride, and after some encouragement from Tiana, Vixey reaches out to another investor...[takes place: late June, 2021]

@professorofcrimeratigan

[tw -- some scheming on ratigan’s part]

VIXEY: It had been her contact at InterPride that pointed her in the direction of Pedram Ratigan. She had never heard of him before, which was both worse and better. At least with Seamus, there had been some familiarity there. He knew her parents, and she supposed that had helped him agree--when he had been a bit skeptical. (Which, honestly, fair, in her opinion.) However, that familiarity also meant there was more pressure, because if he said no, it would not have reflected poorly just on Vixey, but on her parents as well. And that wasn’t acceptable.

Mr. Ratigan didn’t know her at all. They were a blank slate to one another. It meant she had much more to prove, but there were also fewer expectations. Due to this, she had chosen Tiana’s place and a proper dinner reservation to wine and dine the man.

He was led to her table by the redheaded hostess, whom Vixey thanked as she stood and offered her hand to the man.

“Mr. Ratigan, I presume? I’m Vixey Chakraborty. It’s nice to meet you. Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me. I know you’re a busy man.” [outfit]

RATIGAN: An invitation to dinner had been extended to him.

This would not have been such a surprise had it been from someone he actually spent time with, such as a co-worker or Mrs. Robinson, but for it to come from a complete stranger had been a bit of a red flag. Always erring on the side of caution (paranoia) he looked her up. He would have done it regardless, but still. In his line of work one could never be too careful. Her last name had seemed familiar but it wasn’t until he had gotten the results back that he understood where from— her family owned a farm nearby.

Why someone like her would want to entertain someone like him was a bit of a mystery but that worked in Ms. (or did she still go by Mrs.?) Chakraborty’s favor. It made him more willing to go, just to see what would happen.

He smiled to the hostess and kept it as he took the woman’s hand. Polite. Formal— thankfully not here for any social reason. Business then.

Ratigan waved his other hand, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Even academics need to get out and see the sun every now and again. I should be thanking you for the excuse to.” He gestured to her seat, unbuttoning his suit’s jacket before he took his own. “So, what can I do for you, Ms. Chakraborty?”

VIXEY: Vixey’s heart was beating very fast as she shook Mr. Ratigan’s hand. She had never done something like this before and she found it extremely intimidating. Googling “how to ask someone for an investment” didn’t really yield the results she’d wanted. She had spoken with Jun a bit, and obviously had convinced Seamus, but Mr. Ratigan was a proper businessman. Not a family friend she was basically asking a very large favor of.

When he gestured, Vixey took her seat again, glad he’d indicated for it--otherwise, she probably would’ve remained awkwardly standing for a few seconds too long. Her leg started bouncing under the table. She hoped he wouldn’t notice...or, she would, if she had even noticed she was doing it.

“Right, well, I believe I mentioned in my email that I was looking for support for my business venture.” Vixey didn’t believe this, she knew it. She had stared at the email several times, had Jun read over it, had her parents read over it, had Tiana and Barbie read over it.

“I am looking to--open a thrift shoppe on Main Street.” She said it all in one big breath and then smiled, nervous and sheepish, but also--a bit exhilarated.

RATIGAN: Well. That was rather a let down— but what had he expected? A part of him settled back now that he knew this was just a small, mundane matter.

Tiana’s Place had been a good investment. The woman had done everything in her power to ensure its success, as he knew she would, and he hadn’t needed to do anything but keep her books. All the while he had his own business running within it and should anyone (though he very much doubted anyone would) find the threads of it they would be led back to Ms. Truitt.

It had been nice having something so close to home. Sometimes running a network from the telephone could get exhausting, especially when working with some of the dimmest people the criminal world had to offer.

If he could do that again, he figured, why not? Ms. Chakroborty did not seem to have the spine Ms. Truitt possessed, which made this all the more enticing.

“That’s a smart venture. Ever since the last clothing shoppe closed I am sure everyone has been waiting for someone to save them from having to travel elsewhere.” He smiled. “How can I be of help to you?”

VIXEY: Vixey let out a little breath when he didn’t immediately get up and walk away. She had been half expecting it. She had no idea how to negotiate a business deal. This wasn’t what she’d gone to school for. It wasn’t something she had ever thought she would need skills in. Maybe it was easier than she thought it was going to be…

“I’m glad you think so,” Vixey gushed, meaning it truly. If he had thought the shoppe a bad idea and ended things right there well...months of Vixey’s work would have gone to waste. That was the last thing she wanted now that she had come this far. Vixey had already, possibly, wasted months of her life getting a degree in nursing, just to turn her back on that profession the moment her life got hard. If this fell through too, she would feel truly lost.

She didn’t know how upfront she should be. Asking for money felt like such an intimate conversation.

“Well, I was--pointed in your direction by a few contacts of mine.” There, that felt professional. Even if those contacts had just been Tiana and Simba. “They told me that you--are interested in investing in small businesses around Swynlake.” That wasn’t asking for money, she supposed. At least, not outright.

“I, uh, I have all my business plans and such here.” She pushed the bulky folder towards him. “With budgets and design ideas, marketing plans...that sort of thing.”

RATIGAN: Despite her avoiding the word completely he knew what this was leading up to. (It was all anything ever led up to these days, wasn’t it?) Ratigan admired her wish to skirt around the question, seemingly waiting for the right moment or signs from him saying that she could go ahead and ask for the money she was looking for.

He leaned forward to retrieve the folder, holding the spine of it against an open hand while the other was allowed to flip through its pages. This he could admire, most people would have told him they sent him something on his email he could open or present him with their laptop to scroll through, but a physical copy held weight— showed effort.

Of course he did not actually care about this clothing store and whether or not it would benefit him. Either way he would walk out of this unscathed, even if it did fail, both monetarily and in reputation.

He was more interested to know who she was and if he would be able slip things under her nose without notice, just as he had Ms. Truitt.

“Well done. It seems you have a clear vision and goal in mind.” He glanced up, but returned to the pages in front of as he asked again, “Clearly you’re in no need of advice so, what is it I can do for you?”

VIXEY: Was that clear?

It didn’t feel clear to Vixey. In fact, she needed all the advice and help she could get. She still felt horrifically out of her element. Vixey hadn’t ever wanted to open a business. She had gone to school to be a nurse and get bossed around by other people! She didn’t know how to be a boss and run a business. The idea was incredibly daunting.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask: how do you hire people? How do you fire them? How do you budget how much they should be paid? How do you get stock for something like a thrift store? What kind of insurance was best? Of course, these were all things she could read online or in books and she had but—

Asking a genuine businessman was preferable and she couldn’t bother Jun for all of it. She’d feel horrible, using him like that when he’d already helped her so much.

But, as much as Vixey wanted to open her mouth and let all these anxieties pour out of her, she knew she couldn’t. Ratigan was not the person to ask. She needed to project confidence. Poise. He wouldn’t want to invest if he didn’t think she believed she could do it. Vixey wouldn’t blame him.

So, instead, she just smiled and fiddled with her fork.

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say. Uhm, I am currently shopping around for investors.” Asking for money was not natural for anyone and certainly not Vixey. She had worked hard, her whole life, but it was her father who reminded her that he had started out that exact way. Moving to a brand new country and starting a farm. He had relied on investors and community members to help him through those first years. And then he had even given her the first loan—it was a modest thousand dollars, but Vixey was already anxious to pay him back.

“If you—flip to the budgeting tab, you’ll see I’ve worked out my first year of finances. I’ve already got enough to pay for most the rent from another investor. But, obviously, there is still a deficit in the budget.”

About 20,000 pounds, but saying that out loud was intimidating.

RATIGAN: No, it wasn’t, but if he was going to get this show on the road before the restaurant called closing time then he figured it best to attempt boosting her confidence level. If she thought he thought she was competent then it may be enough to get her say what she meant.

Other investors. Ratigan wished he could roll his eyes. Honestly, he should have prepared for that given this woman’s financial situation and seeming polite sensibilities. She wouldn’t want to up and ask a stranger for all of what she was looking for. It seemed to be like pulling teeth even now since she wouldn’t just come out and say exactly what she needed from him.

Multiple people being involved would be rather annoying. More eyes on the books meant less of a chance he would be able to do much of anything. Especially if they were all going in evenly and no one had more say over the other— except if she knew them personally, then she would value their opinion above all else since this was a small town and relationships always seemed to win out in the end. Unless it was the right person at the helm and a nudge in the right direction could persuade them to listen to reason rather than their social obligations.

“I see.” He wished he could shut the book, tell her he wasn’t interested, and not have to deal with the, no doubt, ridiculous people she’d already gotten involved. Unfortunately, she was friends with Ms. Truitt and, not wanting to jeopardize what he did have, Ratigan knew he would have to hear her out. “And may I ask why you think I’d be a good fit for you?”

VIXEY: The truthful answer to Mr. Ratigan’s question was simple: because he had the money.

Obviously, Vixey couldn’t say that. She felt a bit bad even thinking it. It was true, however. She didn’t know Mr. Ratigan, he had no personal reason to invest. They both knew this. It made Vixey feel horribly uncomfortable. Doubting herself once again. She wasn’t as bold as Tiana nor as level-headed as Jun. Maybe she wasn’t cut out to be a business owner after all. But, she had already sunk so much time into this.

She had a plan.

So, after a brief pause—thankfully there was food she could shove her face with in the meantime (made sense to her now why so many people did business over dinner)—she swallowed and cleared her throat.

“You have a lot of experience with business. Tiana told me about some of your other ventures. And while I have done a lot of reading and learning, I know that there is still much more I could learn. I found you appealing because of that. And you’ve already invested in Swynlake, so I thought you might be open to it and that it was worth a try.” She tried for a winning, confident smile.

RATIGAN: Usually Ratigan was a big fan of games like this. Someone coming to him in need and not wanting to say it out right for one reason or another. It would amuse him to no end watching the other person squirm or bristle until eventually something gave and they finally admitted defeat. Here it was all just so— boring. They were discussing something of no consequence. (To him, anyway, which was all he cared about.)

But, again, what had he really expected?

He went through the motions, making sure his microexpressions were accurate to what she was saying to him. Sheepish flattery at the compliments, nodding as she shared her thought process, and rubbing a hand at his cheek as he pretended to think it over. He already had. There was no harm to him whether he gave her the money or not. If she failed then it was what it was, he lost nothing. If she succeeded then very well, he would have helped another person in this town gain a business. Either way his reputation remained. It was only if he didn’t invest that he may stand to lose something.

“Are you simply seeking a loan from me? Or am I to have some sort of stake in this venture as well?”

VIXEY: “Oh, well--” Vixey was rather taken aback by how blunt Mr. Ratigan was being, but perhaps this was how it worked in business. Vixey surely wouldn’t know. It made sense, she supposed, that someone who was sinking money into something wanted to make sure that it survived to see a return investment. Vixey wouldn’t blame them. It was a very practical thing to do.

She smiled, a bit uncomfortably, though she managed to swallow it down and smile brighter.

“My original plan was just for the investment, but I would be happy to hear if you wanted to be more firmly involved. I’ll admit that all of this is rather new to me, so I would, at the very least, appreciate any advice. I’m sure you--when--if you’d like to invest--want to make sure it succeeds as well. I’d be all ears. Truly. And very grateful.”

RATIGAN: He chuckled, sitting forward now. “Well, in that case, my first piece of advice for you is to not admit to such naivety. When dealing with money people tend to become less than sensitive to the well-fare of others and more inclined to focus on themselves. Even if you’re working with friends and family— perhaps more so since they think those are the people that will be more willing to forgive them for their actions.”

After all, where would he be if not for the sins of man?

“If it’s advice you seek then I will give you the same deal I offered to Ms. Truitt. Where she wanted to learn how to keep her books, I could help teach you how to run a business. Whether that be marketing, management, accounting, or financing. You’re asking for—” Ratigan glanced down to the binder. “10,000? If you give me 10% ownership then I can provide that, my personal experience, and should anything else come up, and it will as that is the way of life, then you can always come back to me for whatever else it is that you need.”

VIXEY: Oh, that--well, that actually sounded really good.

It took some of the pressure off Vixey, as there would be someone who actually knew what they were doing at the helm. And the way he spoke, it was obvious that he had a lot of experience. Something which she sorely lacked.

However, Vixey wasn’t one to make any split second decisions. This was something she would have to talk over with her father. And probably Jun. And also Tiana. She needed to collect all the evidence and organize it, then make a decision when she was ready. 10% ownership was a big deal, even if it sounded relatively small. They would have to set up guidelines for how much say he would have and what that would look like moving forward.

Her brain started whirring as she considered all of these options.

“Thank you, Mr. Ratigan. That is extremely generous. Much more than I would have hoped for.” It was, also, she realized, very business savvy, because it meant he would get a say in his investment. A higher guarantee of a bit of profit, or, at the very least, breaking even.

“I will have to consider it, but why don’t you send over a contract for me to read? If your firm has one on hand, otherwise, we could design one together, though that might take a bit longer. I can--get my answer to you in a few weeks? I am hoping to have my petition submitted to the board by the end of July and the shoppe opened by September at the latest, so it would certainly be before that.”

RATIGAN: Good, he had been anticipating that answer. As naive as this woman was she did have some sort of sense about her. He would have been more concerned had she simply jumped at the offer and agreed to it straight away if only because he did not want to deal with someone so ridiculous. They could be entertaining, like how the court kept a jester, but those sorts of people were not to be kept around and given a direct line of contact. So long as she remained competent this whole ordeal would be tolerable.

“That’s alright. I can have one drawn up and sent to you in no less than two days' time. I’ll use the email you’ve contacted me with in case they need any additional information.” It would take less time for him since the law firm worked for him (under a different identity), but in the interest of appearing relatively normal he would give it a few days. Just enough to let it breathe but not too long to allow the deal to be lost in the weeds of the rest of her planning.

“And please, take your time. If there is anything I have learned in my days it’s that it is better to be sure of yourself and your decisions than rush into something and be left with regret.” Ratigan smiled, closing the binder and handing it back over to her. “If there is anything else I can do for you in the meantime, please, don’t hesitate to ask. Now or in the future.”

VIXEY: This all sounded good to Vixey. Almost too good. But, that was Swynlake for you. Close knit communities allowed for a kind of opportunity Vixey had not seen before. As a girl, she had wanted the opportunities of the whole wide world! All the things that it had to offer. Now, though, she appreciated the opportunity of connections, more than she ever thought she would.

It was nice to feel as if she had a place to land softly, where her grief could be a gentle thing she carried with her. And that she did not have to explain herself. Everyone understood, because they knew her and her family and had heard, one way or another. She had thought that kind of gossip would bother her. It had at the hospital. Somehow, it was easier here. Vixey didn’t feel…judged or pitied. And she had made friends easily, sliding back into routines she had once hated for their simplicity and now cherished for the very same reason.

“Thank you so much. Your offer really means a lot. I will definitely keep that in mind.” And probably write up a list of questions, fret about sending it, then send it anyway.

“For now, let’s just leave it at that. I don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

#bdrpratigan #ratfox #the investment #part two #lookbook

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champagnecall · 3 years

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OKAY I was encouraged to post this so I’m gonna <3

This is just a pretty in detail character study of my portrayal of Hifumi following the latest drama track nobody has to read it or anything! It’s going under a read more due to content warnings for abuse mentions, depression, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation so please be careful when reading !!!

So in the latest drama track we got to see Hifumi’s abuser - who we met in a previous limited edition drama track, though wasn’t 100% confirmed to be his abuser - up close and personal. I’m going to focus mostly on the Hifumi aspects of this track - but I’ll be mentioning the other two members of Matenrō as well due to the relation they have to how Honobono got to Hifumi.

Before this track released we knew very little about how Hifumi functioned with his trauma. We know that he developed his gynophobia in high school - at the very least eleven years before the canon point in the series - and that at twenty years old he became a host to try and get over his phobia.

Becoming a host is what pushed him into creating his host persona via auto-suggestion, as it has been canonically stated that he does not have Dissociative Identity Disorder. The manga artist has drawn a panel with Hifumi’s personalities and their titles - being “Host” ( also commonly called GIGOLO off his MC Name ), “Hifumin”, and “Open Up”. But prior to this drawing, the three personalities were often just split into “Host” “Hifumin” “Phobia”.

So Hifumi has a strong motif of thirds being played into his character. His name is composed of the kanji for 1-2-3 and GIGOLO is actually a pun on that, being “Shi-gi-ro” or more simply...4-5-6.

This is a sort of both clever and self deprecating play on Hifumi’s part. He has a lot of issues that were very subtly hinted at throughout canon up until this drama track, being that he dislikes who he is without his jacket because he views himself as weak because of his phobia. He doesn’t want to be afraid of women - he wants to interact with them freely - but he doesn’t have control over the events that traumatized him nor does he fully understand why what happened to him happened.

In this track, though, and both of the new songs on this album Hifumi is in, he outright says these things.

“When in despair there is always a desire to be saved / Black darkness and iron bars, a shortage of adrenaline / The world I see is different than what everyone else sees”

“D-Doppo.. I-It’s hopeless... I’m a weak human being.., I... I couldn’t do anything...!”

“I have a phobia that makes my mentality like that of tofu / But when I put on my suit, that of course changes it all”

“Standing aloof, dropping down to sit, even when I’m emotionally unstable / Don’t turn away, get the evidence with your words / But even though the day might be cold and I can’t lend it to you yet, / One day I’d like to gently place this suit jacket over you”

Not to mention, previous lyrics of his combined with what we have now...

“Are you going to stay by my side / Even after knowing my past? / Drunkeness arriving on champagne / Stopping your mouth / Our eyes meeting at length by chance / Can you see the real me?”

“If my spell comes undone / I won't be able to see you again”

“Sorry for being born with all this / With nervousness and panic / My heart won't stop beating fast, my kitten / It'll be fine, come here I'll be all yours until morning”

“Now, sexy girl / Smash my sense of values to pieces / 10,000,000 yen / 100,000,000 yen / 1,000,000,000 yen / 10,000,000,000 yen / I'll give you something that you can't buy with money”

“A spirit that's different from the others / Drawing eyes from all around town / But I don't do relationships / Somewhere, sometime, I want to meet you I want to take off my jacket / So we could love each other mutually / A battle with my past self / I'll end it with a victory... my sorrow”

“With my magic, I'll make your pain disappear / Don't stop the party / I'll stay like this, I won't leave you”

“No pain, no suffering, no worries / I'll make them all disappear, come closer / From heart to body to pores / I'll let you do as you like, so come here / It'll be fine, come closer / I'll envelop everything / And one day, I want to be enveloped too”

Hifumi is a character who tends to objectify himself due to his career. He speaks about people smashing away his sense of values, listing off prices people can purchase his attention for, saying that he’ll let people do whatever they want to him. He sees his host personality as someone who is better than who he is on his own - someone of a greater value, which leads into that pun with 123 being his actual name and 456 being his MC Name and the name people tend to use for his host persona.

When facing Honobono again for the first time since she initially traumatized him - he crumbles out of this persona. The personality he learned to shift into through extreme auto-suggestion as a protective mechanism breaks.

At first, Hifumi is able to hold himself together, despite being on the verge of a panic attack. It’s mentioned that he looks pale, the listener can hear his labored breathing and his hesitation, but his defensive mechanism is working...

Until the following exchange:

Honobono: I came here to see a friend, do I need a reason?

Hifumi: Were friends, if you’re mistaken. All those things you did...

Honobono: “Those things”? What were they? They were so long ago that I can’t remember~ Ah! Now I sort of remember! But there’s so many things that I can’t grasp too well. Was it about your mother? Or about your sister’s case? Ah right, right! Or maybe even about your case at school!

It’s here Hifumi’s breathing becomes extremely labored until he actually starts screaming. It’s implied he falls over, as the sound of shattering glass alongside a thud follows his screaming all behind the sound of Honobono’s laughter.

Hifumi’s voice changes depending on the personality he’s fronting - going from “Boku” for “Host” and “Orecchi” for “Hifumin” ( more recently we discovered he very rarely uses “Ore” when he lets just his true personality “Open Up” front )

So it’s here that was a shock where Hifumi says “Boku wa...” and then immediately shifts the tone of his voice to his natural one and cries out “Orecchi wa...” signaling that for the first time we’ve ever witnessed it in canon...Hifumi’s suit failed to protect him from his phobia and his protective personality melted away, despite the suit jacket he wears in order to shift personalities still being worn by him.

Whatever Honobono did to him, his mother, and his sister - it was enough to give him a panic attack so bad that the defensive mechanism he developed and has been routinely using nine years prior to this point was broken away from him. Hifumi spends nearly the rest of the drama track - which is around 9~11 minutes - in a screaming, crying panic attack where he sounds like he’s in genuine physical pain, even as all of his pain is just psychological here.

We don’t know what she did to him in high school - and this mention of his mother and his older sister was the first time Hifumi’s family had ever been brought up. But whatever these events were, it was enough to drive him into the most severe panic attack we have ever seen him have - making it all the more extreme that it’s happening in the personality he developed in order to protect himself from his phobia and his anxiety.

It’s here that Doppo is able to enter - which Honobono had purposely tried to keep him occupied by pulling some strings to get him fired - and says the following:

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?! He went through SO much hell during that time! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE HAD TO DO TO OVERCOME THESE PROBLEMS? LIKE YOU WOULD KNOW ANYTHING!!

Hifumi has all too casually dropped a few comments that lead to one assuming that he had mentally hit rock bottom with his depression and anxiety that came out of his phobia developing. He has a line about how even if living is the harder answer in the end, it’s the option you have to chose. Lines about “sinking into the sea of despair”, never really showing fear about the prospect of dying / being killed ( he always puts himself in harms way for other people - pushing away a stalker that was charging Doppo with a knife even if it meant he could get stabbed again ( he had already been stabbed by her on his arm because he moved just enough out of the way when she tried to kill him ), catching the same stalker when she tried to commit suicide and falling out of the window in her attempt with her and turning them over midair so he’d be the one to hit the ground instead, and putting himself in front of Honobono and Doppo when she was threatening him ).

Hifumi also has a lot of lines, however, about valuing his life. He sees his life as something that’s important, he stands up for other people; he pushes people to see the value in their own lives as well.

All of these things combined have led a lot of people, including myself, to believe that in that period between the event that triggered his gynophobia and when he developed his host personality that he did go through a period where he was suicidal - and canonically we know that at the very least, he was severely depressed during this period.

I still don’t have any head canons or theories on what I think happened to him and his family - but I have a lot of things relating to that that I’m going to continue on with below because it plays heavily into my portrayal of Hifumi.

I think that he was extremely close with his mother and his older sister, and likely had an absent father. I feel like his sister was probably a few years older than him and helped to raise him in part, since his mother would have needed to work to take care of both of her children. I think he probably learned a lot of the things he still enjoys today - sewing, cooking, knitting, etc... - from his mother and his sister both due to an interest in it and a desire to help out around the house.

Whatever happened to his mother and his sister I feel like had to have such a massive impact on him, for the mention of them alongside whatever Honobono did to him in high school being enough to trigger the most severe panic attack he’s had to date, as well as feeding into the roots of his gynophobia. Thus, I really do think he was incredibly close with them.

Hifumi is also someone who seems to struggle a lot with his identity. He’s split his personality into thirds and rarely lets people in to see the real him - someone he isn’t really sure who they are anymore - being that the only time we see that real version of him is in the privacy of his own home around Jakurai and Doppo.

A lot of people agree with me on the fact that he seems to radiate some kind of Gender energy which is nice to see! I do genuinely think Hifumi is a character who struggles with his gender identity. I’m not sure what identity I think fits him, but I’m not sure he really knows either since I feel like his phobia is kind of drawing him back from exploring that properly. Same with his sexuality - given that he has been seen freely flirting with men but vocalizing his desire to freely do the same with women.

Hifumi is a character with a lot of layers but in the end I think he just really struggles with that sense of “self”. He doesn’t know who he is anymore because in all of his struggles to get over his hurt - he left himself behind and walked out as a stranger to his own mind. He’s great at hiding the fact that he struggles with this - that he struggles at all - but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hurt. I think he’s very much a “if I ignore my problems they won’t bother me” kind of person but he can’t...hide that from the people that really and truly know him either.

He can’t hide it from himself, either, even if he doesn’t know who he’s looking for inside himself anymore.

#when in despair there is always a desire to be saved ✧ character study #going insane im so sorry for this i just really like him haha #i think about him more than what's healthy i think #i hope anyone who actually takes the time to read this though enjoys it!!!!#tw // suicidal ideation #tw // suicide #tw // abuse mention #tw // alcohol #tw // depression #tw // anxiety #tw // panic attack

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inmytaste-blog · 5 years

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Señorita

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: A very encouraging Shawn and a self-confidence under construction

A/N: Another fullfilled request which made it into my askbox just today! I didn’t want to delay it and fall behind since Shawn released his new song just yesterday. This was very pleasing to write and I really liked the way it turned out. I hope I made that anon’s request justice and I truly hope it lived up to their expectations! Once again, feedback is very much appreciated and I would like to hear your thoughts on this piece! Till next time, happy reading!

__________________________________________________________

‘’Are you serious? A new song along with a new music video? Shawny you are treating your fandom so well lately, I’m impressed’’ you said, placing your arms around his neck and giving him a slight peck on his cheek, pleased with the news.

‘’Aye, does my fandom include you as well?’’ he said lowering his much larger figure in order to capture your lips in a proper kiss.

‘’I don’t think I want to disappoint you now that you have a lot on your plate babe’’ you jokingly stated and freed yourself from his tight grip, heading towards the kitchen.

‘’I think this answer pained me more… Nevertheless, I know you are the craziest fan there is no matter what you say’’.

Hearing Shawn’s words, you realized that he was more than right. You were indeed his number one fan and you always fangirled hard when something new was on its way concerning his career. So when Shawn announced to you that he would be working on a new song, you were on cloud nine. Someone would say that you were more thrilled when Shawn had a new project to deliver than himself and they wouldn’t be exaggerating. You knew something was coming up due to endless phone conversations and meetings between Shawn and Andrew so when the bomb exploded you exploded too.

‘’Whatever you say Mendes’’ you slyly replied and plopped down on your couch.

‘’So tell me more about this song. What is the concept behind it? Will you be singing alone or will it be a duet? When will you start shooting and rehearsing? Why are you so secretive?’’

‘’First of all, you are bombarding me with questions love. How can I answer all at once? Secondly, I can’t reveal anything else yet. Telling you was risky as it is so you will get no more information for today. Sorry.’’ Shawn explained and your face fell.

You weren’t really urging him to tell you everything because you knew that this industry works with a little bit of secrecy as well but you couldn’t deny the fact that you were disappointed that you wouldn’t be getting any more insights and details concerning his newest work. At this point, you wished he hadn’t shared anything related to this new song whatsoever because now you wanted to know everything there was to know.

‘’Fair enough. Guess who’s not getting any love from me today’’ you half-jokingly said and moved further away from Shawn to the other end of the couch.

‘’C’mon Y/N don’t be such a baby. Everything will be announced to you when it is the right time for it to be’’ Shawn argued and proceeded to hug you.

You slightly pushed him off but eventually gave in to his touch because deep down, you knew he was right. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t go into more depth about his work and it surely wasn’t fair for you to know everything beforehand while all his other fans around the world were kept in the dark. Besides, what’s the fun in knowing everything and having no suspense in your life?

That was something Shawn really adored and appreciated on you. It always made him feel safe and relaxed and it surely helped him more when he was ready to perform, shoot or record a new piece. His job was already pressuring enough and sometimes it got to the point that he would even call it suffocating. Having someone who was genuinely understanding and encouraging was a true bargain for him since he really wanted to leave his work back in the studio and be met with relaxation and relief when he got home.

And you offered him just that. You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to date Shawn so you promised more to yourself to be the best version of you just for his own sake. You were more interested in his well-being than anything else especially when you found out all the story concerning his battles with anxiety in the past. You truly believed he was a person that deserved all the best in the world and you were more than honoured when Shawn chose you to be his companion; his rock who would give him all the best.

There were of course times when you would cross the line and you would be pleading for him to share something more when he was preparing something new but you knew when to stop. Shawn knew as well that you were firstly a fan and secondly a girlfriend when it came to his music and he was really thankful to have someone so supportive and so caring. But when he declared that he was in no position to share anything else, it was your signal to accept it and stop questioning further.

‘’Okay okay. I understand. But tell me at least this; will you be singing on your own or with other people as well?’’ you asked, aiming your puppy eyes at him, a feature you knew very well he couldn’t resist.

‘’Ugh, you are playing dirty Y/N, giving me this look which gets me everytime’’

‘’Please?’’ you pressed a little more.

‘’Okay, it will be a duet but this is all I have for you. Now, what movie does my number one fan want to watch with her superstar?’’

Truth was Shawn wanted nothing more than to stop playing games and just confess to you everything he knew so far about his new music video and song. It physically ached him to withdraw information from you, especially when you were being nothing but patient and enthusiastic with his hectic lifestyle. The only thing which was keeping him behind was the fact that he had arranged to sing and shoot with you. You were nothing close to famous or artistic, besides the very well-organised blog you were maintaining dedicated to your talented boyfriend, but other than that you had no contracts or business with the music industry.

However, Shawn wasn’t on the same page with you on this matter. He had heard you singing when you had first started dating and he was mesmerized by your voice. It combined a sweetness and a raspier metal which had driven him insane. He still remembered that moment up to this day and he never hesitated to ask you to join him when he was singing in his studio, even if it was for fun. The most outstanding thing of all was a file in your computer which consisted of some covers you had attempted when you first discovered Shawn’s music. Shawn really wanted to listen to them but you only agreed when you were official and you trusted him completely.

When his ears were met with the sound of your melodic voice, he felt like someone had casted a spell on him. The words of In My Blood acquired a completely new, a more profound meaning when they left your lips and they were interlaced with your unique sounds. He couldn’t help himself but transfer all the covers you had saved in that file to his phone without any second thoughts.

From that time on, he always made sure to raise the levels of confidence you had about your singing skills which to be frank, were the lowest they could be. It really puzzled and it even saddened him to know that his girl was so talented but she couldn’t appreciate her skills more. So the least he could do was ask you to sing or at least hum something when he was falling asleep or to accompany you in your private shower concerts. He was a sucker for your singing and you still laughed about it when he would praise you. But this never stopped him from getting the most he could of your beautiful voice.

Now Shawn tried to take things up a notch. He hated to know that your talent was not getting the recognition and the appreciation it deserved so when Andrew came up to him with a new suggestion for a song and a music video, Shawn realised this was the opportunity he was seeking.

‘’So, I was thinking that after the success of If I Can’t Have You, the fire’s still at your feet and another release will really keep the fans at the edge of their seats. What do you say?’’

‘’Y-Yes yes. Are you serious? Now that my tour is on, I have inexhaustible energy. Tell me all about it’’. Shawn wanted nothing more than to keep his portfolio full and this new song was the perfect chance for him to introduce you to the world of professional singing.

‘’Okay. My first thoughts have to do with the artists you will be singing with. I’m really rooting for a duet but if you want to include more artists, it’s up to you mate. What are your thoughts so far?’’ Andrew proceeded with the details and Shawn was more than ready to spill your name.

‘’Okay. I don’t know if you will see eye to eye with me about this and I can already tell you will be taken aback but my suggestion is Y/N’’. There was no turning back now. The only thing he could do was pray that Andrew would agree for you to do a duet with Shawn.

‘’Y/N? As in your girlfriend Y/N? Shawn are you sure? I mean I have no evidence that she can sing. Plus we don’t have much time to call her in and arrange a sound check with her’’

‘’I don’t think that will be necessary’’ said Shawn and he was quick enough to pull his phone out and let the room be filled with your version of Lost In Japan.

‘’You are a smooth motherfucker. I am waiting both of you next time for the rehearsal’’.

Shawn hadn’t really filled you in on what was going on so when he told you that you would be going with him to the studio you were a bit bewildered.

‘’And why do I have to come as well? Can’t you see that I am all comfortable watching Friends?’’ you matter-of-factly stated and Shawn dragged you from the couch.

‘’It is a surprise. Now get your bum up and go get ready. We are leaving in five’’.

‘’Okay okay sir’. But you’re buying me ice cream later’’ you pointed your finger at him and he chuckled.

‘’I sure am’’.

Shawn felt a little bit guilty that he hadn’t been completely honest to you about his duet but he knew that if he had spilled the beans and asked about your consent, you would be negative. Heck, he didn’t even have a clue what your reaction was going to be now but he decided to take his chances and risk it. He really needed to get you out of your cocoon and show you what you were really capable of, something you always kept your eyes closed to.

‘’Hello Andrew. It’s been a while. How are you?’’ you inquired when you reached the correct floor and Andrew hugged both you and Shawn.

‘’Shawn’s been a pain in the ass but I manage. How are you feeling sweetheart? Are you ready for your first?’’

‘’Um excuse me? What first?’’ you turned your glance at Shawn who was picking at his nails and was looking nervously at Andrew.

‘’Shawn dude, didn’t you tell her anything?’’

‘’I wanted it to be a surprise! Don’t blame me!’’ Shawn put his hands up and looked at you.

‘’Anyone care to explain?’’ you hated being excluded from what was happening so you were growing more aggravated by the minute.

‘��Y/N, dear, Shawn has brought you here to work on his new song called Señorita. You will be his duet for this song and for the video of course’’ Andrew explained and your jaws were on the floor. Shawn very well knew you were in no place to share your singing with the whole world and he still went and got you into this.

‘’Shawn what is he saying? What did you do?’’ you turned your attention to him and he cupped your face.

‘’I know you are going to pull the ‘’I can’t be exposed to basically the whole planet and my singing is not even that good’’ card but please hear me out. When I first listened to your voice I was amazed. You remember my first reaction. I instantly felt like an apprentice in singing in front of you. During those two years we’ve been together, I am more than pleased to see that I am the reason for the growth of your confidence when it comes to singing. Y/n please consider singing with me. Your talent deserves to be exposed and applauded’’ Shawn concluded and your vision had gotten blurry because of his speech.

‘’But-but how does Andrew know that I can sing? How does he know that this isn’t gonna be a flop?’’

‘’Um I know believe me’’ Andrew chimed in and just on cue, Shawn wiggled his phone between his fingers.

‘’You shady bastard’’ you smacked Shawn’s arm and he playfully acted as if he was hurt.

‘’So, what do you say baby? Will you be my Señorita in this song?’’

You still felt a little bit out of place and your guts were telling you that you would surely mess this up but the look Shawn was giving you and the feeling that he would be right beside you the whole time, boosted your courage and your confidence. Not really trusting your words at this point, you gave Shawn a shy nod and you swore that his eyes were like small stars radiating their glow.

‘’Is that a yes? Y/N baby you will not regret this I promise you’’ Shawn hugged you and lifted you up in the air before giving you a reassuring smile.

‘’Thank God. I don’t think I would be able to get someone else if she turned this down’’ Andrew remarked and you both fell in a fit of laughter.

‘’Okay. Get your sheets with the lyrics, get in there and blow me away’’.

Getting into the recording space, you felt your palms getting damp and your head slightly dizzy. Shawn must have felt your uneasiness and he placed the microphones opposite of one another, so that the only thing in front of you was Shawn and no one else. This little gesture put your nerves at bay and with a final confirmation, Shawn signaled for Andrew to start recording.

Throughout the song, your eyes were focused on the piece of paper which contained the words that came out of your mouths. You didn’t dare take a glimpse of Andrew, fearing that if you saw his disappointment you would collapse and this whole procedure would be wasted. Surely, this was the last thing you wanted, the first one being to please Shawn and not to embarrass him. He trusted you enough to get Andrew to agree and have you here singing so you just couldn’t betray his trust.

Reaching the main chorus, your eyes travelled to Shawn who was giving his all during the song and it dawned on you that it was the first time in a while that you were seeing him recording a song. Only this time, you were a part of it too. Shawn’s eyes fell on yours and the smile he gave you was enough to let you know that you were doing a pretty decent job for a first time. You knew that the song was going to be a bop nonetheless and being with Shawn in the act, really made you understand why all of his songs always made it at the top of the charts.

‘’ I love it when you call me Señorita

I wish I could pretend I didn’t need ya

But every touch is ooh la la la

It’s true la la la

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you know I love it

When you call me Señorita

I wish it wasn’t so damn hard to leave ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming for ya’’

Shawn really adored the way the song was turning out. When he had first scanned the lyrics, the only person he could picture himself singing it with was you. The thing that he felt most freaked out about was that you both had first started seeing each other as friends before this fling between you two had developed. So, at least for Shawn, this song was once again speaking to him on another level. He felt really connected with it and now that he was singing with you, it made him feel even more connected to you as well. It would be a thing that would always remind you of what you are capable of when you are together and how the one makes the other discover something fresh for themselves.

Andrew was dumbfounded when you both started singing together and he was positive this was going to be another success for Shawn. He felt really relieved that you had decided to give this a go since the music industry was a department that was always in need of fresh blood and upcoming artists who had a flash of talent. Besides, the chemistry you had with Shawn was authentic and rare so the need to construct something similar with someone else was totally unnecessary.

‘’All along I’ve been coming for ya

And I hope it meant something to ya

Call my name I’ll be coming for ya

Coming for ya, coming for ya, coming for ya

For ya

(Ooh she loves it when I come)

For ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming

For ya"

The song came to an end and if it wasn’t for the air conditioning unit in the small room, you would be a sweating mess. The look you exchanged with Shawn while the last words of the song were being spoken, really showed you how much Shawn loved you and that he truly believed you deserved to be loved by other people for your immense talented soul.

‘’And it’s a wrap. Guys…’’ Andrew started and you closed your eyes, not really wanting to be confronted or let down by his next words.

‘’You were fucking bomb. This is gonna be the song of the century. Well done. And Shawn, thanks for persuading our little star here to work with us’’ he said giving you a high-five.

Hearing Andrew’s words lifted all the weight off of your shoulders and you felt ten times lighter. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined working with Shawn in a professional and official manner but here you were, blowing both of the boys away with your singing.

‘’Wow. That was-‘’ you didn’t let Shawn finish his sentence and you connected his lips with your very own in a passionate kiss.

‘’Thank you. For this amazing experience and for believing in me when I just didn’t’’ you truthfully said to him and his arms tightened around your shorter frame.

‘’I thank you for bringing out the rest of the passion I have for this job. You see, singing with you makes me feel things. And now that it happened for a much larger audience, it made me the happiest man alive’’.

Just before you could say or do anything else Andrew’s voice echoed through the walls, making you both jump.

‘’Don’t rest on your laurels kiddos. We still have a music video to shoot!’’

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threewaysdivided · 4 years

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I saw your conversation about Sam Manson. I was talking to Imekitty about this, but I’ve noticed a few things that (sort of) make Sam’s relationship with her parents seem more like teen-drama than actual hardship. If you look closely, she’s got a lot in common with them: outspoken political-activism, possible shared-interest in vintage clothes, and no shame in saying they don’t like certain people. Also, after the Fentons, they were the first to volunteer to use the Ecto-Skeleton, risks and all.

(In reference to this post.)

It’s been a little while since I rewatched DP so I’m not well-placed to do a detail-analysis implication-breakdown right now, but yeah - that fits with the overall impression I remember getting. To me they came across as being sort of old fashioned set-in-their-ways conservative and snooty, and maybe a bit too Pleasantville - but more often in the way of parents who do genuinely want good things for her and to be able to be proud of her despite not really understanding her interests, choices or friends and being very bad at expressing it. Plus she seems to have her grandmother fully in her corner a lot of the time.

I really wish that the writers had committed to one or the other; either making it clear that Sam’s martyr/ persecution complex is mostly just regular self-inflicted teen-drama BS and giving her an arc addressing it, OR fleshing out the idea that she faces a lot of judgement/ pressure/ control/ nonacceptance in her home life and that her negative traits are a bi-product of defensive/ coping mechanisms resulting from that strained dynamic, rather treating things with Roger Rabbit Rules.

(Which isn’t to say that a person can’t have similar interests/ personality traits to, and positive interactions with, their parents while still having a strained, broken or even abusive relationship with them on a deeper level, but the show never really goes hard enough in either direction to make it work.)

As mentioned the last post, this is kind of a consistent pattern across DP - the writers tend go with the low-effort first answer for whatever is Funny or Awesome or Convenient in the moment rather than putting in the work to find a solution that’s consistent with the characterisation, themes and world-lore overall. There’s enough internal contradiction in the show that I don’t think it’s actually possible to take every canon detail as canon without fundamentally breaking things. And in some ways that’s kind of cool; it makes the series more open to interpretation, and trying to distinguish authorial intent from authorial incompetence and come up with theories that account for as many pieces of canon as possible is really satisfying. But, you know, it’s also kind of bad writing in general.

I think the thing that bothers me about Sam’s characterisation in particular is that - where it tends to be more obviously out-of-character when it shows up in other places - there’s a pattern to the inconsistency with how the writers handle Sam:

Throughout the series there’s a double standard in how Sam sees herself/ seems to expects others to act, compared to her own behaviour:

Despite being pro-pacifism she’s okay with smacking Tucker and encouraging Danny to destroy the trucks she doesn’t like

Sam values self-expression and is a feminist, but derides other girls for wanting to express themselves in a conventionally feminine way

Sam doesn’t like being forced to conform to others’ values but is okay with forcing others to conform to hers

Despite being anti-consumerist she shows very little discomfort at, or awareness of, her lavish home life and material belongings

She encourages Danny to take the moral high ground towards his bullies but has no problem antagonising and getting into petty verbal spats with Paulina herself

Sam stalks Danny and his love interest out of jealousy/ protectiveness but threatens to end their friendship when he does the same

In Mystery Meat, when Danny tries to express his discomfort/ anxiety, Sam hijacks the conversation to complain about her own parents instead of listening.

In One of a Kind Sam photographs Danny and Tucker hugging in their sleep, without their knowledge, with the stated intent of putting it in the yearbook, then uses it to blackmail them into silence.

Side note: this joke is also tacky on a meta-level because it boils down to “male intimacy ha ha toxic masculinity no homo amiright?“ Would have been nice if show didn’t use low-key sexist humour as much as it did.

Instead of expressing that she’s hurt by Danny’s “pretty girls” comment in Parental Bonding, Sam retaliates by pushing him to ask Paulina out - a move she knows will most likely result in him getting publicly shut down and humiliated.

Then, after getting the result she wanted, she comes over to gloat and insults Paulina, rather than dropping it now that her point’s been made, which is what ultimately sets off the episode’s subplot.

In Memory Blank Sam permanently physically alters Phantom’s appearance to better suit her tastes while he’s not in a position to understand or give informed consent, then lies when Danny notices and asks about it later.

To be clear this definitely isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of her character and it’s not there 100% of the time - there are plenty of moments when she is loyal and generous and helpful and sincerely kind and where her stubbornness comes in handy. But it’s the aggregate pattern of all these small instances that drives a crack through the foundation of her character integrity; producing this insidious undercurrent alternate-reading of Sam as someone who, at a deep level, just doesn’t respect or recognise that the emotional needs, pains, opinions, autonomy and boundaries of others are as real and valid as her own, and who responds to criticism with passive-aggressive hostility.

Again, I think that’s why people are so quick to point out that line from Phantom Planet, even though we all know the episode was a complete mess. None of the examples above are particularly bad in isolation - you can’t really point at any one of them and say “oh no, bad girl” without sounding like you’re making a mountain out of molehill and irrationally hating on her just to hate on her. It’s an uncomfortable slowburn pattern of subtle micro-transgressions that accumulates across the series - a “you might not notice it but your brain did”. And it makes sense that it would be the worst-written episode that amplifies and brings that regular bad-writing undercurrent close enough to the surface for people to consciously recognise and use it to articulate those frustrations.

To wit: Not because it’s most telling of her character but because it’s most telling of the specific bad writing that regularly hurts her character.

And again, from a storytelling point of view, it’s okay for Sam to have flaws. She’s a teenager! She’s learning. She’s allowed to be egocentric and self-important and do things that aren’t the best at times. It’s okay if these are her character weaknesses and a source of conflict with the rest of the cast. But again, for that to be satisfying something really should have come of it. It would have been nice if the writers were willing to have any self-awareness about these flaws being flaws that a person should recognise and grow past in order to have healthy relationships with others. But they didn’t - because it’s easier to keep her as she is - to the point that they’ll actively bend the narrative to roll back or skip over moments that would have necessitated that growth. So, even though they call attention to her flaws, the writers end up rewarding and enabling them instead of letting her learn.

And again, this isn’t meant to hate on Sam. Hanlon’s Razor in full effect: it’s clearly a result of authorial/editorial incompetence rather than deliberate malice. I know this isn’t the intended interpretation.

My preferred reading of Sam Manson is that she’s a Rosa Hubermann/ Hermione Granger/ YJS1 Artemis Crock-type character. Someone who’s passionate and forceful and maybe a bit abrasive and hard to love at a glance, but whose core nature is compassionate and sincerely kind and loyal-to-the-death for the people they value. I wish I could 100% like her without caveats; to be able to say that even if I don’t agree with her flaws I can at least understand that they’re a valid product of the life she lives, that they make her who she is and that she’s trying her best to be a good person who will get better despite them.

But I can’t because the writers don’t give her that. They’re always prioritising other things over the integrity of her character. They don’t give her background enough time and context to make her negative traits feel resonant with it (because that would take time away from the Wicked Cool Radical Ghost-Fighting Superhero Action™) and the framing and plotting doesn’t give her chances to recognise or grow past them (because that would mean character development and those negative traits are an easy source of cheap conflict). The writers just don’t seem to care all that much about Sam - her actual character, who she is, how she came to be that way, what she wants or how her negative traits would actually play against Danny and the others.

And that sucks. Because she has a lot of potential to be a well-rounded and great character. I’ve seen plenty of fics that seize that potential and roll with those gaps and the result is very good. I wish I could like her canon depiction without feeling like I have to actively ignore a bunch of latent behavioural red flags as the price of entry.

She deserved better.

#Danny Phantom #Sam Manson #Character Writing #Character Analysis #I'm also going to cop to the fact that this part of Sam gets to me personally #because it mimics some of my experiences with emotionally abusive relatives #feeling really uneasy and uncomfortable and upset but not being able to articulate what they're doing that makes you feel that way #and wondering if maybe it's your fault and you're just reading into things too much and you're bad for not defending them #until they do something really egregious and suddenly it's like 'oh' 'OH' 'OH SH*T THAT'S NOT OKAY'#And then you look back and see all the little red flags and from then on you can never un-see them #One of the reasons I only like fanon!AmethystOcean is I can see how badly things are likely to go when Danny's flaws meet these problems #Danny's canon flaws are ones that make him particularly susceptible to emotional abuse #and they accidentally wrote canon!Sam with a lot of latent proto-abusive red flags #they both need character development to work as a couple #but this is Danny Phantom and I guess we're chumps from expecting that #anonymous #3WD answers

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