#anyway it’s been like 5 minutes aND MY FOOT STILL HURTS-

[wintersoldiersoul]

Afterglow

A/N: Final part to the Tolerate it mini series!! Thank you all for the support on this series, I've had so much fun writing it and I hope you enjoy!

 It had been 5 days. 5 days since you were shot. 5 days since Bucky had seen your eyes, had heard your voice, and 5 days since he had gotten more than an hour of sleep at a time. He stayed next to you in your bed at the medbay where you lay unconscious. You had pulled through, for now at least. Bruce had performed emergency surgery on the jet on the way home to stabilize you until he and Helen could get you into an actual operating room.

You flatlined on the table. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor turned into one long tone as your life was whisked away. Steve had to hold Bucky back from breaking down the door of the O.R. as the horrible sound flowed to the other room. It took them 3 minutes to resuscitate you. The worst 3 minutes of Bucky’s entire life. Worse than any moment he had spent with HYDRA. But you fought. You pulled through the surgery. Now, you just had to wake up.

Bucky hadn’t left your side. Steve brought him food, knowing he wouldn’t take the time to go make himself something. After the third day, Helen brought him a bed to sleep in. Not that he was even sleeping anyway.

“How’s she doing?” Steve asked, walking in.

Bucky sighed and rubbed his eyes. “No change. She’s still stable but-” his voice broke. “What if she doesn’t wake up, Steve?” He looked into the eyes of his best friend.

Steve placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. “She’s gonna wake up. Your girl’s a fighter.”

“I don’t even know if she’s still my girl,” Bucky whispered. “God, I wasted so much time! I fucked everything up. This is my fault.”

“It’s not your fault that she got hurt,” Steve responded.

“Yes it is! If we had still been together, maybe I could have convinced her to stay back on this mission. It was too dangerous.” 

Your eyes slowly started to open as he spoke but he didn’t notice since his head was in his hands.

“I could have stopped her. I could have protected her better,” he continued.

“Too…stubborn. Couldn’t have…stopped me,” you croaked. Your voice was raspy from 5 days of silence.

At the sound of your voice, Bucky immediately picked his head up. “Oh my god,” he grabbed your hand and kneeled at the side of your bed, stroking your hair. “Oh my god, Y/N,” fresh tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Bucky,” you whispered. “You look like shit.”

He laughed through his tears. So typical of you, of the girl he loved. Always sassy, even in crisis. He kissed your hand over and over again, still not believing that this was real and not a dream. 

The next day, you were released from the medbay but instructed to stay on bedrest for at least a week. You were just happy to be in the comfort of an actual bed. 

Bucky waited on you hand and foot as soon as you were brought back up to your room. “What do you need?” He asked, hands on his hips. He was ready to spring into action.

“Water, please. And maybe something to eat. Something small.”

He nodded and immediately left the room, returning a few minutes later with a glass of water and a grilled cheese. “Here,” he said, setting the glass on the table and handing you the plate. “I made you a grilled cheese. I know it's your comfort food.”

“Thank you, Bucky,” you answered. An awkward silence fell over the two of you. Technically, the two of you weren’t back together. Your confessions of love as you were dying didn’t automatically mean that he was your boyfriend again.

“Y/N,” he finally said. “I was so scared when you were shot. You were bleeding out in my arms and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I thought I was gonna lose you for good. Do you remember what I said to you?”

You smiled softly. “That we were gonna get married and adopt a bunch of cats?” 

He nodded. “Yes. I meant every word I said. I want a life with you, beautiful. I want to get married in the Fall like you’ve always talked about and I want to get us a nice house and fill it with kids and animals and grow old with you. I wanna give you everything.”

You sat, looking at him. Nothing he said would ever erase the hurt he put you through. But despite yourself, you still loved him more than anything. You wanted that life with him. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He echoed. “Really? You’ll let me be yours again?” His eyes lit up.

“Yes, Bucky,” you smiled. “But you can never pull that shit again, do you understand me? I don’t need you to protect me from yourself. I’m a big girl. I’ll never need to be protected from you, I just need to love you. Fucked up past and all.” 

“Oh, angel,” he looked at you lovingly. “I know I’m never gonna be able to take back what I did. But I can spend the rest of our lives showering you with love and showing how much you mean to me. I promise I will never do that again. But you need to promise me something, too.” He took a deep breath. “Never almost die again, okay? I was so fucking scared.”

You blinked back tears at the pure emotion and love for him that you felt. “I promise.” 

The whole time you were healing, Bucky didn’t leave you alone. He got you whatever you needed, even buying a little bell for you to ring. He knew he’d regret that immediately but he wanted to make this misery a little bit better for you. You were obsessive with it, abusing the power he had given you.

“Bucky!” you would call, ringing the bell. 

He would sprint into your bedroom, flour on his face from the cookies he was baking for you. “Yes, honey?”

“Kiss me.” And he would. 

A few weeks later, you were able to leave the house for a couple hours at a time. You were in the passengers seat of the car with Bucky behind the wheel, driving you to an undisclosed location.

“Are you kidnapping me, Bucky Barnes?” You asked when he refused to give up the location you were headed.

“Patience, baby,” he smirked, keeping his eyes on the road.

20 minutes later, you pulled up to a large farmhouse. The outside was white and it had vines growing up the sides. It was the kind of place you had always dreamed of living.

“Bucky this house is beautiful but what are we doing here?” You laughed. 

“You like it?”

“It’s my dream house. I’ve always wanted to live in a place like this.”

He looked deep into your eyes. “I’m so glad, honey. Cause it’s ours.”

You blinked at him, not sure if you heard his words correctly. “Wait, what?”

“This is our home, beautiful. I bought it for us.” 

You were speechless. The house in front of you was the kind of place you had wanted to live in since you were a child. “Come on, I’ll give you a tour.” 

After he walked you around the interior, he led you out to the backyard. It was stunning. String lights hung from wooden beams, there was a fire pit and a wood fired pizza oven, and flowers perfectly landscaping the grass. Your eyes gazed over everything, not noticing Bucky shifting his position beside you.

You gasped as your eyes found their way back to him, kneeling on one knee.

“Y/n,” he began. “My beautiful angel. The love of my life. My reason for living. We’ve been through so much together. My past isn’t perfect. I’m far from perfect. I’ve done a lot of horrible things. But somewhere in my life, I must have done something good. Because I met you. And by some karmic intervention, you let me love you.” Tears overflowed from your eyes as he spoke. “Baby, will you marry me?”

You nodded your head enthusiastically. “Yes, of course, yes,” you cried. He slipped a ring onto your finger. “When did you even get this? You’ve been glued to my side since the mission.”

He smiled and kissed you passionately. “You wanna know something, baby? Remember when you heard Steve say that I had been looking at rings? Well, I wasn’t just looking,” he beamed. “I’ve been carrying this around in my pocket every day for months now. Just incase the opportunity ever presented itself.”

“Oh, Buck,” you gasped, hugging him tightly into you. “I love you, Bucky Barnes. My fiancé.”

“Ooh I like how that sounds,” he laughed. “I love you too. Forever.”

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[natslildove]

gif not mine

Bring you back

natasha romanoff x reader

summary: since vormir, you haven’t been in touch with any avenger, you went missing. no one knew where you were or if you were even still alive. until one day, you hear a knock on the door and a familiar face awakes something inside of you, you thought was long gone. hope.

warnings: swearing, endgame canon (except tony), bit of angst?

authors note: english is not my first language so pleaaaase be nice :)) this is a mini fic cause i can’t put myself to write something bigger than, idk, like 4 chapters? anyways!!! hope you guys like it!!

3:04 AM

You lay in bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Sighing, you turn around for what it feels like the tenth time in less than twenty minutes. It’s almost entirely quiet and all you can hear is the light sound of crickets far away and the soft wind hitting the trees.

You realize tonight would be one of those nights, where you can’t sleep for whatever reason. You get up, brush your teeth and goes to the kitchen room. In your way, you ignore the room at the end of the corridor with a locked door. It’s been 5 years since you’ve last went there.

It’s 2023. Your lover died 5 years ago and yet, technically, she dies this year too. In 3 days, she officially dies in Vormir.

Your stomach growls and you just remembered you haven’t eaten in a few hours. Or days. Or weeks. Who knows, no one’s counting. Opening the refrigerator, you look and there’s an untouched vodka bottle and a soda can. You take the soda, leaving the bottle still untouched. Natasha bought it, said you’d celebrate together after “beating Thanos ass”. She never got home and you never celebrated anything after. Not birthdays, not anniversaries, not holidays. Nothing.

You drink the soda on your way to the living room. Throwing yourself ok the couch and turning the TV on on whatever channel. You just watch the lights, never really paying attention to what was being played.

6:34 AM

You’re still on the couch when you hear a soft knock. You turn the TV off immediately and look for your gun that, just like many things in this house, has been left untouched for years. Checking to see if it’s loaded and, quietly releasing a breathe of relief and you realize it is, you walk slowly to the door trying to make less sound possible. You look through the peephole and it’s black. Someone’s blocking it. You open the door fast and points the gun directly at their head.

“That’s no way of greeting your sister in law”, Yelena says smirking.

“Lena?…” Your voice is hoarse and you just now notice how even your vocal cords were left untouched. For years. You barely recognize your own voice. “How’d you find me?”

“I never lost you” she smiles. “What? You think I’d let your crazy ass just vanish? Nu-uh!” she seems… Weird.

“What do you want?” you ask, not wanting to look at her for too long, afraid it will bring memories you try every day to forget.

“Y/N Y/LN, I am completely offended! Can’t I just come visit to see how you are?”

“I’m fine, goodbye” you went to close the door but her foot stood in the way. “Yelena, get ou-“

“We think we can bring her back” she interrupts you. Her ironic smile is no longer on her face as she says it.

Silence. You finally, actually, look at her. Still, you say nothing you just shake your head. Slowly at first, then faster.

“Don’t.” your voice cracks. Not for being quiet for years, but because you throat is closing. Your eyes feel heavy and you head hurts.

“I’m serious, we might-“

“Don’t!” you say it louder. “Don’t do this to me, Lena. I- I can’t, ok? I can’t.”

“Y/N-“

“No! She’s… She’s dead! She’s been dead for years! Do you know how long it took me to accept it?” you haven’t yet “You can’t show up at my door after 5 years and, and say this! You’re lying, I don’t know why but you are!”

“Will you let me speak? For God sakes!” her throat is closing too “I don’t know the details but there is a chance! It might not work but… What if it does?”

“It won’t.”

“You don’t know that”

Silence.

“What if you have the chance to see her again?” she practically begs “I want my sister back, Y/N! Just as much as you! And if you don’t want to help, then fuck you! We’re doing it without you!” she leaves.

You’re still at the door half an hour later, staring blankly at some tree in the big yard.

“Detka, let me go.” Natasha smiles at you, she’s crying and yet, she looks so in peace.

You’re the opposite. Your eyes are almost jumping out of your face, crying. You look panicked.

“It’s ok”. It’s the last thing she tells you when she let go of your hand. You can’t move and you watch as the woman you love jumps herself to death. You watch as her body hits the ground and the most horrific scream comes out of your mouth. She’s dead. She killed herself for billions who she never even met. People who loved her. People who hated her. People who had no idea how big her heart is. Was.

Giving one last look to her dead, bleeding and broken body, you leave.

When back to the compound, you hear Bruce ask for her. You have no strength and pass out. For days. When you wake up, it’s the middle of the night and you’re alone. Forever. You change clothes, grab some of your stuff making sure to leave your phone there and leave. Never looking back.

Until now.

It’s a day later and you’re staring at the big compound in front of you. You take a big breathe and adjusts the cap in your head. For a second you almost smile, thinking of how many times a cap and a sweatshirt were used as disguise by your ex-coworkers. But you don’t. You don’t even know if you still know how to smile. It’s like your face is forever stuck in this bored and numb look.

You follow the path you did for many years, getting to the elevator and putting your digital. It works still. You’re relieved, it would be embarrassing to call someone.

Tony, Steve, Wanda, Yelena and Clint are in the living room discussing. Yelling and pouting fingers at each other. When, suddenly, the elevator dings.

They all stop and look at it. The doors opens and you look at them. They’re all surprised. Expect for Yelena, she has a knowing smirk on her face.

“So… How are we doing this?”, you ask.

1042 words.

please tell me what you guys think, it’s my first time writing full english !!! <333

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff smut #black widow

[michelleleewise]

Chocolate and promises

Pairing: Avenger Loki x Female reader

Warnings: not much this time, angst, hurt feelings, pining, anxiety, panic, swearing, crying

Summary: you decide you needed to talk things out with Loki, but is it too late......

A/n- graphics by: @harlequin-hangout

Part 4 -- Part 5-

Your say back at your desk, trying to rub the tension from your neck sighing. You thought back to earlier that afternoon, when Tony had told you Loki came by, and the numerous texts he had sent before hand. It was killing you inside not to talk to him. You wanted nothing more then to run after him, wrap your arms around him and never let go but your fear of rejection topped with the humiliation you felt for how you behaved at the party stopped that. Everything in you missed him, he had become so much more then a friend to vent to, he had become your lifeline and without him you felt like you were sinking.

You grabbed your bag deciding to call it a day, you mind too distracted to focus on work anyway. You made it to your room, unlocking the door you stepped inside as your phone went off, quickly rummaging through your bag you felt you foot kick something but you were too focused trying to dig your phone out hoping it was Loki you ignored it, pulling it out seeing it was Thor....

T- hello y/n, I wanted to let you know I will be away for a few days on a mission with Barnes. Take care if yourself and I will see you when I return.

Y/n- ok Thor, be safe.

You text back, throwing your phone back in your bag looking down at what you felt by your foot but didn't see anything. "Hmm....maybe I'm going crazy." You laughed, tossing your things aside you went to the small kitchen, making yourself a cup of cocoa before sitting in your chair by the window. You watched as the rain patted the window before streaming down, the lights from the city beginning to shine as the sun set. You looked down at your cup, smiling as a memory came to mind.

"I think you just haven't found your person yet." You said, handing him a mug of cocoa "My person?" He asked taking a sip. "Yes, I think everyone has a person, you just haven't found yours yet, but you will." You smiled grabbing your mug.

You smiled remembering the look on his face. You were convinced he was your person, but now....you weren't so sure.....

Do you want to know what I see for you?" You asked seeing him nod. "Ok, close yours eyes, I'll set the scene." You smiled seeing him close his eyes.

"I see you, coming home from a mission, opening the door to your home, hearing your wife call out to you, rushing to hug you as you throw your things down, lifting her in your arms while she hugs you." You said, looking over seeing his eyes still closed "and as you set her down, your daughter runs in, picking her up you hold them both close as they tell you how much they love you and missed you. That's what I see for you Loki." You said, seeing his eyes open, a tear rolling down his cheek.

If only he knew how much you wished it was you he came home to, you he held tight, you who was able to give him everything he had ever desired. You set your mug down, wiping your face taking a deep breath "Well, regardless I can't lose him." You said to yourself, standing up you slipped your shoes on and headed to his room. Even If he didn't love you the way you loved him you still needed him, cared for him. He was your best friend and you needed to make amends and try to fix this.

You stood outside his room, staring at the door taking a deep breath as you lifted your hand, slowly knocking hoping Jeff wouldn't answer. After a few minutes you tried again, the room remaining silent. "Maybe he's in Jeff's room." You said to yourself hoping you were wrong "Hey Jarvis, where is Loki?" You asked hoping it would say the library "Mr Laufeyson is not in the tower." It replied "what do you mean he isn't in the tower...what about jeff?" You asked the AI "he is also not in the tower." It replied. "Did they say where they were going?" You asked "Jeff has been stationed at the facility in romania...Mr Laufeyson's location is unknown." It replied.

Your heart sank at its words "what do you mean unknown?" You asked "I was not informed of where he was going." It said "when will he be back?" You asked "I am unsure...I was not informed." It replied. You quickly made your way to your room, pulling your phone from your bag you dialed Loki's number hearing it go straight to voicemail "no no no...loki." you said quickly dialing Thor's number getting the same "Jarvis, can you patch me through to Thor?" You called out "I'm afraid not, they are currently experiencing radio silence." It replied. "Dammit!" You yelled tossing your phone on the table. You sat back in your chair holding your head in your hands, knowing you would have to wait atleast three days for Thor to comeback...maybe more.

You spent the next week hovering around the control room, trying to get any bit of information you could about when Thor was coming back and trying to reach Loki's phone. You felt like you were going crazy, a tower full of superheros and you needed the two that weren't there. You flopped down at your desk, laying your forehead on it sighing when you heard a knock on your door. "Y/n, I was told you needed me." You heard Thor's voice making you jump up "took you long enough!" You yelled getting up hearing him laugh "funny, Loki once told me that too. You see he was locked in one of your midgardian toilets.." he started "no...no stories....where is he?" You said walking around your desk "where is who y/n?" He asked sitting down.

You rubbed your temples looking down "Loki...where is Loki." You said as calmly as possible "oh, he's in New Asgard." Thor said smiling. "What the hell is he doing there?" You snapped "Well, king val took off, I'm still thinking drinking binge and one of us needed to go to fill a council position until her return, Loki volunteered." He said watching you "when will he be back?" You asked crossing your arms "oh with Val there is no telling, months...years..." Thor trailed off "so he has to stay until..." you trailed off walking back around your desk. "He should be back eventually.." Thor said.

You sat back closing your eyes. This was your fault, you made him leave...if you would have stopped being a child and talked to him he would be here...the thoughts swirled in your head when you heard Thor "is there anything else you needed?" He asked standing up. "Umm. No...thanks Thor." You said "if you need anything you know where to find me." He said walking out of your office. "God I'm so stupid." You said to yourself standing up, grabbing your things your called it a day and headed upstairs. Walking into your room you dropped your things before sitting on the floor, leaning your back against the door. "Why do I have to be so stubborn?" You asked yourself, running a hand through your hair seeing a small piece of paper poking out from under the rug. You leaned forward pulling it out seeing the envelope with your name on it in Loki's handwriting.

You quickly got up running to your chair as you ripped open the envelope unfolding the paper....

Dearest y/n,

By the time you receive this I will be gone. I have traveled to New Asgard to assist with matters for the time being. Afterwords I will be taking my leave of Midgard, which will probably be for the best. I wanted to tell you before I leave that your friendship and companionship has meant more to me then you will ever know. I do not form relationships easily, but everything with you came as second nature. Your kindness and understanding have given me strength. Your loyalty is admirable, but as most things in my life I am not worthy of it. I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you, had I known the truth...well its too late for that now isn't it? I must go now, but I will cherish our friendship for the rest of my days. Never forget your strength y/n, you can accomplish anything you desire and know that you will always be in my heart, my valkyrie.

Love always,

Loki.

You sat there, reading the letter again when you felt a tear stream down your cheek "h..he's leaving...he can't leave." You said to yourself, grabbing your phone dialing his number again hearing his voicemail "Dammit!" You yelled throwing it across the room. You looked down at the letter, the tears streaming down your face "no, I can't let him leave." You said running to your door you flung it open running as fast as you could to Thor's room, pounding as hard as you could yelling his name when the door shot open "y/n! What's wrong?" Thor asked slipping a shirt on "I need your help, we don't have much time." You said walking into his room "tell me what I must do." He said closing his door. "Wanna go on a trip? I have a plan." You said seeing him smile "when do we start?" He asked, as you told him your plan.

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[dealbrekker]

Wait I need to know which tsh character you like and why? 👀

Hello friend!!!

I was thinking about this question while I was at work for hours and now have time to answer!

As a disclaimer, I am roughly 1/3 of the way through the book, and since I'm listening to it rather than reading it, I can't cite exact moments, but I'll do the best I can.

I have a crush (questionable status now lmao) on one Henry Winter.

Initially it was because he fits one of my personal types right off. Tall, dark, quiet, prone to shutting himself in the library. And we're told by Richard (a pretty unreliable narrator, really) that people say Henry is scary or frightening and strange. And he's sort of painted this way at Richard's first meeting with him. Aloof, and a bit suspicious or skeptical of Richard's sudden intrusion into the little group.

That sort of behavior always, for me anyway, sets up a mass of potential. Where will this character go from here? I found myself wanting more back story on him. Which we get in pieces from various avenues, mainly Richard and Bunny.

And as we go along, Henry starts to reveal himself to be the most likely to talk to Richard. He's definitely still aloof and quiet, but of the 5, Henry seems to offer Richard the most conversation (well, aside Bunny, but more on him in a minute), and Henry seems the most inclusive of Richard. Charles and Camilla are superficially nice and pleasant, and Francis so far in the telling has been oddly present but also fluttering on the outside of the narrative in my opinion. It's like we know facts about everyone, but Richard has had the most one on one time with Henry and Bunny, so it feels like he knows them best.

Henry feels, to me, the most genuine of the group. He doesn't pretend to be anything other than quiet, reclusive, and tolerant or fond of the others. He takes good care of Camilla when she injures her foot and even her brother is too nervous help, he saves Richard's life when he has pneumonia, and he apologizes for Bunny's bullshit regarding money. He is genuine in the way he speaks to Richard, whereas it feels like Charles, Camilla, and Francis have little of sustenance to say or just feel off somehow. Henry's genuineness is really magnified when you consider Bunny's. Bunny is genuine...genuinely, unabashedly rude, snide, and honestly cruel. And no one else that I can recall has really done much to explain Bunny or chastise him.

I think, perhaps, Henry's moments with Richard stick out so much because he was painted as the scariest one, and that he doesn't talk as much as the others do. So when he does, you pay attention.

I'm currently at the part where he is explaining why they all were about to cut and run to Argentina, without Richard and Bunny. Listening to the explanation is what made me post earlier about him being a special kind of obsessed. It's a very discomforting scene that took place in the woods, even without the accidental murder of the nameless man. I love how it's being told. The events are as unclear as the characters' recollections. But it made me sort of...step back on my initial feelings of Henry. Which I know is pretty funny and ironic considering the way the book opens and you immediately know he's complicit of a murder. Maybe it helps that Bunny sucks that I was keen to like Henry 😂

I think one of the saddest things so far, is that even though he doesn't outright say or even think it during his internal dialogue, Richard is clearly hurting over the fact that none of them were going to say goodbye or tell him anything. He likes these people a lot, for better or worse, and I could sense how abandoned and betrayed he feels at being left out of the aftermath. Heck, maybe it'll turn out he's jaded about being left out of the Bacchanae; I wouldn't put it past him what with the theme of this book. And we know how much he likes everyone seeing as how he covered for them. I get the sense that Henry was perfectly surprised at this, and is regarding Richard a new light.

I'm interested to see how the book progresses, and how we get to the point at the opening of the story. Will I start to care about Bunny more? Will I care at all? What other dark secrets are going on with this group?

Long story short, Henry Winter was exactly my vibe for a while. I can't say he still is, but there's still 1,000 minutes left of this tale. I love a morally gray cast. There is little to nothing to like about any of these people, but somehow I'm still drawn in.

#the secret history #donna tartt #books #book rec #henry winter #richard papen

[theinternetisaweboflies]

Irony Poisoning Chapter 5 (Chapter 1)

When morning came, Wednesday was still on her back, and Enid was still on her stomach, but Enid was also sort of… on… Wednesday.

Not completely, of course. Enid's arms were wrapped around Wednesday's waist, and Wednesday's arms crossed over Enid's back. Their legs were only a little tangled.

Enid was back on her side of the bed before she was even fully awake. She spent several anxious minutes watching Wednesday's chest rise and fall, not daring to breathe herself. Finally letting out a sigh, Enid looked away, only to catch sight of herself in the well-polished blade of the automated guillotine.

She had pillow marks on her face from Wednesday's collar.

"You should talk about your nightmare too."

Enid let out a little shriek that she really hoped no one else in the house had heard. "W- Wednesday! Wh- What did you say?"

Wednesday under her pillow and retrieved a piece of folded typewriting paper. She passed it to Enid.

"What is this?"

"I've been probing my own psyche since the incident at Nevermore. One of the final pieces of advice that Dr. Kinbott gave me was to try writing outside of my comfort genre. This is the first attempt. Its inadequacies should make you feel more confident in sharing your own narrative."

"Thanks," said Enid, "I think?"

She unfolded the paper. It wasn't full to the margins like excerpts from Viper de la Muerte Book 3: Till Breath Do Us Part that Wednesday had finally let Enid read ten days into term just to shut her up. There were only eight lines.

Monday's child was full of shit.

Tuesday's child was done with it.

Thursday's child had not a fuck

to give. Friday's was out of luck.

Saturday's child could finally rest,

and Sunday's child felt truly blessed.

You may think something was withheld,

but Wednesday's child was canceled.

Enid almost laughed, but if this was anything other than a parody of Wednesday's eponymous nursery rhyme, it meant she thought…

"You don't need to be canceled. Why would you think that?"

"I left you alone with a monster."

That came out of nowhere, but there were only two things Wednesday could be talking about, and it probably wasn't Enid's mother. "Um, are you forgetting I'm also a monster? And that I totally kicked Tyler's ass?"

"You got hurt."

"Just a couple of scratches," said Enid, suddenly feeling self-conscious. It was a small bed, and Wednesday's face was barely a foot away. "A little Clinique, and you can't even see the scars."

"How could evidence of your bravery ever diminish your beauty?" asked Wednesday.

Enid had no idea how to respond, but Wednesday spared her by continuing, as if the question had been rhetorical.

"I'm sorry," she said, and the word only sounded a little foreign on her tongue. "I shouldn't have left you alone. It was your first transformation. It was almost certainly your first fight."

Enid was quick to correct her. "I wasn't alone! Thing was there. He held my hand and everything."

"I should have been there," Wednesday barely more than breathed.

"I was glad you weren't there."

Wednesday's brow furrowed, and Enid resisted the urge to smooth it back down.

"You were?"

"Well, duh! It meant I didn't have to worry about you." Enid sighed. "At least, I thought it did, but of course you were running towards danger. I should have known. I did know you had a good reason, and I was right. Saving all Outcasts from genocide is a pretty good excuse for bailing, even on your best friend. Oh, and it meant you trusted me to handle Tyler by myself. That was cool."

Wednesday didn't speak much, but Enid had rarely seen her speechless. Eventually she said, "It wasn't your fight."

"Excuse you," said Enid. "I get to decide what my fights are. Anyway, what makes you so sure it was your fight?"

"I was the one who resurrected Crackstone."

"That's ridic- Wait. What?"

"Goody Addams cursed him," said Wednesday. "So my blood was required to break the curse."

"Your blood?"

"Yes," said said. "Laurel Gates cut my hand and used the blood to initiate the ritual. Did I not tell you about that?"

Enid was trying to remember that night, and things got a little blurry between all the blood and tears, but she was pretty sure…"I thought that was from the sword- the broken sword you used to stab Crackstone?"

"We might make a journalist of you yet," said Wednesday. "Goody healed my wounds right before you saved me from the Hyde."

"Wounds? Plural?"

"Crackstone stabbed me," said Wednesday, in the same sort of voice one might use to describe the weather. "He did a decent job of it too. I don't think I was his first."

The next thing Enid knew for sure, she was back in Wednesday's arms, she was being patted very awkwardly on the head, and a voice from somewhere above her was asking, "There, there?"

"It's not supposed to be a question," said Enid. It was only a little muffled.

"I'm new to this."

"Don't force yourself." Enid tried to raise her head, but Wednesday pressed it gently back to her chest.

"You scare me, Enid Sinclair. I'm not used to it. That does not mean I am forcing myself."

"I scare you?"

"I'm fairly sure it's fear," said Wednesday. "I've certainly never felt it before. I suppose that alone indicates you are… uniquely important to me."

Enid raised her head just in time to see Wednesday's cheeks completely ruin her monochromatic color palette. At first she thought it was a fever, but the flush darkened under further scrutiny. It turned out Wednesday Addams could blush.

Maybe Enid was a little competitive, but that felt like a win.

"You can say it," she said. "You won't get struck by lightning. Well, in this house, you might, but not because-"

"I love you," said Wednesday.

Enid choked on her own spit, and Thing had to come pound on her back.

Wednesday's shouts attracted an audience. They applauded politely when Thing had finished, and he gave a little bow. Then they all dispersed for breakfast, with an invitation for the girls to join them once Enid had caught her breath.

"Well, now they'll never let you leave," said Wednesday. "You owe Thing a life debt."

Enid's breaths were still stuttering and inconsistent, but that was barely a pop-up notification in the corner of her mind.

"Wh- What did you just say, Wednesday?"

"I said they'll never let you leave."

Enid growled. "You know that's not what I'm talking about!"

"Oh," said Wednesday. She put one finger to her chin in a caricature of thought. Between her twin braids and collared dress, she looked so young and innocent that it made Enid want to scream at the duplicity of it all. "You owe Thing a life debt."

"I'll kill you," said Enid, and Wednesday smiled.

"You don't have it in you."

"There's still time, Wednesday." She found it hard not to repeat her roommate's earlier words when everything Wednesday had ever said ran through her head on a loop like a 24/7 news feed.

Wednesday gave her an appraising look. Enid didn't know what it was appraising, but she sucked in her stomach, just in case.

"I suppose there is."

#wednesday addams #wednesday #wednesday 2022 #wednesday netflic #wenclair #enid sinclair #the addams family #thing addams #wednesday fanfiction #wenclair fanfic

[infoglitch]

Fuck.

Yeah im currently suffering. Not any wounds, not any insults, not any tragedies, just... God.

Let's talk about red like roses. (All 3 parts)

Oki need to give context. I'm glitch and I have been a... Scarred fan of rwby. I enjoyed the first four Volumes before I kinda feel off after volume 5. At first I was very much in love with it but once I finished Volume 5 I just felt hollow like I didn't want to watch the series so I left it, and I left the fandom before ever being able to interact with it.

And so as explained by my complicated relationship with Rwby I only really got back into the series because of BBtag. And then I looked into it and oh dear God it's a mess.

Apparently it's already volume 9 and apparently the writing is getting better which I find hard to believe still.

Bmblb happened which is just.. wow, took 3 volumes to finish a subplot I had no interest in because let's face it, little me didn't get sexuality because I was in a religious house hold and also because I was never exposed to that media so when first read the word lesbian. I read it as "leash-a-bin". (It sounded Spanish ok.)

Anyway I also found out about the uh... The "allegations" of rt and yeah. And obviously a combination of "i could do it better", spite, and love for rwby all mix together into me deciding to write page 1 of rwby: fate, and that's where I put my foot down and said "I'm writing this, because I need to give this series it's respect".

So now here I am 5 pages deep into Rwby fate and 63 pages deep in my own book. And I'm on my bed just looking for music to listen to and I come across.

Red

Like

Roses

I listened to it and it just... God it feels so strange listening to a song I barely listen to before and I'm flooded with melancholy and yet nostalgia. This song is still good despite everything and it just hurts to listen and know, this is a song for a series that has done nothing but fail and harm it's fans.

It hurts because this song, captures the idea of ruby. She's still naive no matter how you look at it. She became a huntress to be like her mother and the rest of her family as well as to follow in the footsteps of her favorite fairy tales. Fairy tales, y'know, the fairy tales that inspired the characters.

Red riding hood,

Snow White,

Beauty and the beast,

Goldi(Y)locks, (that one's kind of a stretch I know)

RWBY

And thats not all of it because technically red like roses is only one a third of the whole actual song. Theres still part II in which is just a major tone shift

🎶I couldn't take it, couldn't stand another minute

Couldn't bear another day without you in it

All of the joy that I had known for all my life

Was stripped away from me the minute that you died

To have you in my life was all I ever wanted

But now without you, I'm a soul forever haunted

Can't help but feel that I had taken you for granted

No way in hell that I can ever comprehend this

I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone

I was wide awake and feeling that they had to be wrong

How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay?

Now I'm stuck inside a nightmare every single effing day

It's like a movie but there's not a happy ending

Every scene fades black and there's no pretending

This little fairy tale doesn't seem to end well

There's no knight in shining armor who will wake me from the spell

I know you didn't plan this

You tried to do what's right

But in the middle of this madness

I'm the one (I'm the one) you left to win this fight

Red like roses

Fills my head with dreams and finds me

Always closer to the emptiness and sadness

That has come to take the place of you🎶

Just, holy shit does this feel strange listening to. While the other one is melancholic and quiet, only having four lyrics during the start.

Part II is just a fury of emotions that just hit me HARD. The first was so quiet letting it's music sing for it self and the second one was the flurry of spiraling feelings. The anger, the sorrow, the regret, all spiraling into each other creating a hectic and wild rhythm. And it just absolutely HITS for me. And yet this isn't my favorite part of red like roses.

That goes to-

(yes I'm using the one for the lyrics fuck you)

Part III is interesting. It's from volume yet this feels like a volume 1 song. The song unlike it's predecessors speaks a new tune, a calm, determined, tone with it not focusing only on the past but also on the now, it's collected itself and it's ready to go forward. To escape the pain and move forward.

This is all just fancy words but I do love each part of red like roses. And it still reminds me of my love for rwby and it just..

It hurts to remember every bit of rwby and the failure it's becoming, we will most likely never see rwby V10 and if we do it'll probably be the final volume.

And I'm divided, I hate rooster teeth and want them to fail but I still want rwby to get an ending. But I've gone over this dilemma.

Right now all I have to say is...

"Fuck, I love rwby."

#rwby #red like roses #god I love rwby

[sublunaryorchid]

TW - r4pe mention

so yesterday I was with my best friend, we were doing fun birthday things and checking out my fav market. it was a blast, we were having a great time.

I was looking at some pottery when out of buttfuck nowhere comes my r4pist rom 2012. I haven’t seen him since 2014…Ish? - anyway, I stopped thinking I’d ever run into him again years ago, because it never happened once high school was over.

but there he was, about a foot away from me, smiling and laughing with who I can only assume was his girlfriend, in my happy place. I could see his eyes. I could see the lazy look of mischief on his face with which I’d once been so familiar. I saw the little waves of hair that curled under his earlobes. I heard his voice, the very same I used to know, back when he was my best friend. Before he blew that up.

Back when I used to picture this happening, I’d imagined myself saying nasty things, standing my ground, being strong. Even after high school, I still worried about it because we lived 2 minutes away from each other and I was terrified of going into public (which lead heavily contributing to me eventually moving away for a year). still, never happened.

nearly a decade later, it finally happened. my worst fear came true, and I ran. I turned on my heel, walked calmly but swiftly out of the market, muttering my best friend’s name several times to alert her as I passed by her, and stopped in the corridor outside to wait for her. she popped out and looked very concerned, asked me what was wrong, if I was okay. i couldn’t speak very well but I nodded inside and said “ __name__ is in there. he’s in there.”

she looked shocked, then craned her neck back around to peek inside, and I saw her see him as her face went slack and her eyes popped open wide. she took my arm gently and we started walking downstairs to exit the building, I was saying “I need to go, I need to get outside”, and she just said “yeah. Yeah, let’s go. You’re okay. Let’s go.”

We made it outside, and I paced around the courtyard breathing and trying to calm down. she said I was doing well. Then I became angry - not with her. I told her that all the times I pictured this over the years, I imagined standing my ground. I imagined myself at the very least not running. I said that I couldn’t believe I’d let him have that power over me even now.

And then she said, simply “well, let’s go back in then.”

and that changed everything. i agreed, immediately. I told her yeah - let’s go back in. This is my spot. This is my place, and I’m enjoying my birthday with my best friend and he doesn’t get to take that. So we went back in. And we continued our day.

This all took less than 5 minutes.

It was a blip. It was terrible, and it took about an hour for my heart to stop pounding, but it was a blip. I went back. I went back inside, and I wasn’t scared.

as we wandered the aisles again inside, she said “you know, a few years ago, we would’ve just left. That would’ve been totally valid too, but you stayed and came back inside and that’s huge. You’re awesome.” And I just…

He was the first one - the first one to break my trust, the first one to hurt me that way, the first one to laugh at my pain and fear and use it against me for a year after the fact. I’m very proud of myself that the first time I came across him again, all these years later, I went back.

I couldn’t control my initial response, but she helped me go back inside. That’s huge, because for years I have left. I’ve run and avoided and let things be taken from me. He’s not the only r4pist in this godforsaken city I dreaded seeing, and this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Every time, I’ve run. Every time, it’s caused a self destructive spiral.

But this time, the first time with the first one, I went back. And I woke up today, and I feel fine. I feel tired, and the memories are poking at me demanding some attention, but I feel fine. I’m fine.

#this will be a good one for therapy this week #there are still issues there. #the whole school abused the shit out of me following that incident because he was so popular and charismatic and #pulled the whole ‘turn them against her before she can say anything against me’ #and boy did that ever work. to this day I’m still the One Who Lied About Him #and I never even accused him of anything #that’s the kicker #someone else did and I had to pay for it #for a YEAR they didn’t leave me alone #‘kill yourself and film it so we can all watch’ #that was a good one #anyway #the fallout of it all #is what I need to talk about in therapy #bc I’m still not over that. the way they all turned on me and punished me #christ

[american-idiot21]

I’ve realized I haven’t posted a story in like a month 💀

School and work have been literally draining me so much and I’ve been sleeping a lot 😭 anyways here is a sortish part 1 of this literally just to get it out. Ima make a part 2 soon.

Anyways here the info and story:

Platonic yandere pro hero Red riot(Ejiro Kirishima) with orphan teen reader:

Reader: 15, lost there parents and siblings in a pro hero accident so they don’t like those hero’s that where involved with it(Izuku Bakugo and Shoto), best friend Sofi. Sofi is female 15 Bakugous pro hero name mentioned.

f/d=fav drink

To the story!!:

Y/n and Sofi where going to a pro hero meet up. Or more like Sofi is dragging Y/n too it so they can hold a place in line for her in pro hero Deku’s line so she could get a signature from Pro hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight who has a shorter line at the moment. Then going to get Pro hero Shotos signature. Sofi said that they would buy them a f/d after if they just hold a spot for her. What Sofi forgot to mention is that Pro hero Ret Riot was going to be there. He had a short line. Once reader saw this, they quickly called Sofi.

“SOFI HURRY THE FUCK UP!! PRO HERO RED RIOT DOESNT HAVE A FUCKING LINE REALLY!! THERES ONLY LIKE 20 PEOPLE!”

“Whoa whoa hold up. If you can wait in Deku’s line for like 20 more minutes then I’ll come take your spot and you can go see him.”

“Ok fine. If he isn’t there by the time you get over here you owe me 2 f/d”

“Fine”

10 minutes came, then 20, Pro hero Red riot was starting to pack up a leave. Sofi was one person away from getting a autograph by Pro hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. Then 5 minutes later Sofi got her autograph, then came to us in line.

“How dare you” Y/n says in a somewhat sad/serious/joking voice.

“Yeah yeah Ik. I owe you 2 f/ds” Sofi responded.

They waited until another 5 minutes passed and reader see Pro hero red riot exiting the room he went into 5 minutes ago.

“Sofi!! I see him!”

“See who?”

“Red riot you idiot! I’m going to him. After I get his autograph I’ll come back.”

“Ok good luck.”

As y/n runs to catch up to Kirishima, Kiri hears running foot steps coming up behind him. He doesn’t pay any attention to them because he thinks the person is just running late or something.

“Um Red Riot..?” Y/n says as they stoped running, out of breath, and kiri here the running stop as this person says it.

“Uh yeah?” Kirishima says as he stops walking and turns around. As he turns to see who called his name, he’s surprised to see a teenager, probably around 14-16, a bit out of breath. He sees his past self him them. He’s memorized by them and a sense of protection surfaces. He wants to protect them, make sure they never get hurt.

“Uh hi! Sorry to stop you. I um was just wondering if I could get a autograph?” Y/n says.

“Yeah! Of course!” He says, happy that he gets to sign something of yours and hopefully get to know your name so he can come looking for you.

“Yes! Thanks. Uh one second. Do you think you could sign my book? It’s my favorite one and I reread it a lot.” Y/n says as they hold out a version of Scythe By Neal Shusterman.

“Wouldn’t you want it to get signed by the author though? But I’ll still sign it if you want!” Ejiro laughed while taking the book. As he did y/n face got really read in embarrassment, and started to fiddle with there fingers and pick at there skin.

“I would normally but I have all 3 of the books that are like the deluxe version signed by him and I don’t have anything else for you to sign so this was the best option.” Y/n nervously explained while stumbling over her words. “Also do you think we could take a picture together? If you don’t mind of course!”

“I would love too! And here is your book back!”

“Thank you do much!” Y/n says as they put there book into there bag.

“Y/NNNNNNN” Sofi screams as she comes running out of the pro hero meet and towards Y/n and Ejiro. “Hiiii let’s go I got Pro hero Deku, Shotos and Lord Explosion Dinamight autograph. I’m ready to go.”

“Ok and I got Red riots autograph! I’m ready to go!” Y/n says to Sofi forgetting for a moment that Red Riot was still standing there. “Oh! Bye Red Riot!! Thanks!”

“You’re welcome! You girls go have fun! Bye” Ejiro says, full well knowing that he’s going to follow them from the roof tops to make Y/n gets home safely, and that this Sofi person is a good person.

#yandere Kirishima #platonic yandere #yandere #yandere Ejiro #platonic yandere Ejiro #platonic yandere Ejiro Kirishima #yandere platonic Ejiro Kirishima #platonic yandere kirishima #yandere platonic kirishima #yandere platonic Ejiro

[mozzzz05]

I just saw a Buzzfeed post on Instagram for an article about Noah Schnapp talking about Will’s sexuality (the thing he spoke about like 5 days ago, but y’know, it’s Buzzfeed and they’re a bit behind) I know I shouldn’t have because Buzzfeeds comment section is always toxic no matter what it is, but I went in the comments

And boy the shit you find. Sometimes I think I’m stuck in my own happy little bubble of queer algorithm and I peak out of it for a second and it’s a fucking shitshow.

Comments like “who cares?” And “let the kid live, why are you imposing sexuality on him?” And “his sexuality shouldn’t be being questioned at this age, he’s too young” and “if it’s not relevant to the plot then it just shouldn’t be mentioned” are so fucking ignorant it hurts.

It’s important that Wills sexuality gets shown because we need representation, no we can’t be satisfied with just Robin (as I found someone saying) why does it upset you to have another queer character? (Frankly, saying you don’t see why we need more queer characters and that we need to stop making everything gay is simply thinly veiled homophobia, and realistically is it really that veiled?) You aren’t loosing anything, meanwhile we would be gaining so much by Will being gay. To see someone (especially more than one) being queer in such a big show like Stranger Things would be brilliant (such a small thing to ask for I know) I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s the 80s, all the more reason to show queer people making it through thriving at life, having an accepting close family and friends. It would mean so much to me now as I know it would so many other lgbt+, but it would especially mean so much to 12 year old me, questioning her sexuality because I never ever saw more than one gay character in media at that age especially.

You don’t understand what it can mean to see someone like you in media unless you see yourself literally represented in everything (and coming from someone who’s white I’ve known what it’s been like to not even question constantly seeing yourself represented. I also know that it’s not that hard to actually notice these things when you’ve spent at least 5 minutes educating yourself and listening to the people that it actually affects)

No ones imposing sexuality on Will, there have been clear indications of his sexuality from the very first episode but especially this season, it’s really not my fault if you too dense to see them. It doesn’t take understanding media theories, the reasons behind shots used or semiotics to grasp that Will definitely isn’t straight, that he definitely likes Mike (whether Mike likes him back or not) : his painting is definitely for Mike and Eleven said she thought it’s was for a girl he had a crush on, the girl tapping his foot in class, his hero being Alan fucking Turing etc

He’s not too fucking young, I started questioning my sexuality when I was 12 (at this age I also had um, sexual thoughts and feelings and whatever for Benedict Cumberbatch😳(whilst having lived a reasonably sheltered life and definitely never having seen anything I shouldn’t have on the internet)) and although it may have taken me a good 4 or so years to that part of accept myself (and it’s still difficult sometimes now), it’s not a reach for a 15 year old Will to have some grasp of his being queer. It’s quite frankly insulting to use this excuse for your homophobia when Mike x Eleven had been pushed since they were 12. When Dustin and Lucas both wanted to be with Max when they were 13. No one questions that because it is in fact normal for kids that age to be feeling that way, to be having those sorts of mini relationships. Beyond this, I have friends that have been in long term relationships since they were 15. Nancy and Steve were together at like 15/16ish. The excuses are simply pathetic.

“It’s not relevant to the plot” ??? How do we even know that yet anyway? What if Vecna gets in Wills head? (which is definitely a high possibility my poor traumatised boy) Even if it’s not relevant, why would El x Mike be? Or Max x Lucas or Nancy x Jonathon or even Steve? Or Hopper x Joyce? Realistically these relationships don’t add masses to the plot and aren’t actually vital most of the time, that being said they do add massively to the characters and the dynamics between each of them, I’m not saying they shouldn’t be in there (they definitely should be) I’m simply saying why is it any different for Will? Why is this shit treated so differently for queer characters? The double standards are shocking.

Maybe it’s my fault for looking at those comments idk, but it doesn’t take much to open your mind for like 2 seconds.

This is without mentioning headcanoning Eddie as some kind of queer with people saying “his sexuality isn’t even confirmed so idk why you think he could be gay, there has been no indication of what gender he likes” yet people saying he had a crush on Chrissy isn’t a reach? Is that not assuming he’s straight? No?

#sorry #the need to rant was overwhelming #it really pissed me off #don’t you just love this part of being gay :) #as if accepting it for myself wasn’t hard enough :) #gay will byers #will byers #robin buckley #joyce byers #the byers family #mike wheeler #mike wheeler x will byers #jonathon byers #lgbt+ #pride #queer representation #stranger things s4 #stranger things #st4 #st4 spoilers #stranger things spoilers #stranger things speculation #eddie munson #robin Buckley is my favourite lesbian #noah schnapp #finn wolfhard #buzzfeed #homophobia #stranger things season four #my brain is weird

[bigmack2go]

Ok so i found something from a while ago and never posted it so here u go ig

Ok first coment: „hey, i just noticed qll the little deatails. You’re really in character, good job!“

(Might not have been abozt that but like i feel like it was)

LMFAO SOMEONE PASSING BY JUST YELLED AT ME ACROSS THE ROOM„wrong foot!“ I CANT 😭💀

Ok so apparently a lot of people know what foot kaz hinks on???

Lmao this one came from my friend who went to the con w me??? „You wanna be completely in character? Hink! Trust me thats the deatails“ i just sort of looked at him fir a minute and then he went „cuz rn ur just walking like u alsways do“ and idk what do respon😭😭😭

Cleared tho whole thing up. Apparently the motherfucker didn’t knew i hinked??? Anyway so i think he’s just an idiot bc i cant believe what he said later. Half an hour later he said „you’re hinking with the wrong foot“ LIKE MF I CANT CHANGE ME DAMAGED FOOT IM SORRY

Ok so i won a price omfg

Im honestly embarrassed by how fucking dumb and oblivious my friends are cuz i think at least seven strangers noticed my limb today and pointed it out and at least as many friends of mine that know me for a very long time haven’t even known about it? I mean i dont rly bring it uo but you have eyes.

Just won another price for being in character. Like the guy SAID IT OUT LOUD.

Why do so many people know which foot Kaz Brekker the Bastard Of The Barrel™️ hinks on?

Someone asked if i choose the character with the limb on purpose 💀💀 (worst part is: yes. Yes i fucking did😭😭💀)

Ok this one was kind of cute. I dont think they knew the character but they noticed i was hinking and asked if i was okay🥹 my heart melted

Its really weird how people are super supportive about kaz and tell me they really like that i represent disabled people by cosplaying him but at the same time just assume that my limb is fake??

Lmfao someone just said im a furry for hinking😭😭

I didnt think that ACTUALLY so many people would notice that im not hinking on my left.

I made this more as a joke tbh. I expected them to notice the limb but the side guys?? Seriously?? I was joking!!!

So turns out that i the only reason i permanently hurt my foot when i was eight, was so i‘d get attention (which i absolutely love! I love love love being the centre of attention for something that isn’t even represening me as a person! And the pitying? *cheffskiss*🤌🏼) and could say im representing kaz? Who I absolutely totally knew about when i was EIGHT? I mean ofc like duhhh. What did u think?

Ok so ive never had so many people even notice my limb on one day and now they’re all kinds of people noticing?? some are insulting my about it?? Why tf are you insulting for a limb? Like thats a genuine question: why?

Conclusion: even tho there were less people at that convention than living im my town, there were still 5 times more that ever noticed mine in years of having it there at one day

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Hey sorry if this is weird but are you doing okay? I hope ur day is nice and ur super cool and write great fanfics!

Hi! No, it's not weird at all, ha. Thanks for checking in! And I'm glad you like my fics!! :-D

(Warning, mini rant up ahead. It's about things that happened months ago, but still. Warning. It also gets a bit long and heavy in places, since this is a bit of a loaded question for me these days, ha.

Also, I'm putting a read more, since this OF COURSE got way too long 😅)

Before the read more, though, I just wanted to say that tomorrow is my birthday and I'm turning 26, which is both terrifying and exciting! :-D Also I like colors. :-)

Now, to answer the question... ehhh. It's complicated. If you'd asked me this back in October/November, my answer would have been a very firm "NO." I was... not doing good back then. It was a mix of things, like an upcoming internship I was terrified of, and my half done thesis that I was constantly putting off, but mainly it was an absolutely TERRIBLE sub supervisor at work who kept changing our schedule then getting mad at me when I didn't know what was going on and got stressed out at the change (since I'm the kind of person who needs a schedule or I flounder). For example, she always wanted us to prep snack for the kids before the program started (I'm an after school teacher), but she wouldn't buy the snack until the day of, and then she'd be late, getting there maybe 5 minutes before program started, which is when I needed to be in my classroom, since I was by myself with like... 20 1st-5th graders. She straight up hurled abuse at me and my coworker because of it. She also got mad at me when I refused to do things that would put myself or the kids in danger, such as leaving me alone with 30+ UTK (preschool)-5th grade students running around a field that was 5 minutes from our usual classroom and at least 2 minutes away from the next adult, all while I was recording the laps they were all running, something that was already a challenge with two people and that I struggled with doing in a good day since I'm an awful multi-tasker.

Now, one thing to note about me is that I take great pride in my work. I've worked with kids for over 5 years now, and have been in a graduate program to become a school counselor for almost 3 years. I KNOW how to be around kids. I am very competent at my job and the kids all respect me (I hope) and I care very, very deeply for all the kids, especially the "older" kids I work with. But I legit wanted to quit multiple times during the 3 months she was my supervisor. If I didn't know she was only a sub, I would have. My coworker did, and while the supervisor wasn't the only reason, it was part of it. I had 2 panic attacks at work alone, struggling not to cry in front of the children, which I never want to do because I don't want to worry them. And of course the supervisor got mad that I had my coworker get the kindergarteners (which, by the by, IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB SINCE I WORK WITH THE OLDER STUDENTS, but she forced me to do it anyway, making me late starting in my classroom, which stressed me out more) during one of my panic attacks. Oh, and she also made me walk to the front of the school to pick up kindergarteners (which is a long walk from our classrooms) despite me saying that I had SEVERELY hurt my foot and that walking on it hurt. And she claimed I didn't do my work, despite the fact that I was the only one who was doing my job, it was her who wasn't, which made me unable to do mine.

So... yeah. The beginning of the school year last year was awful, but it got really bad in October, when my coworker quit and I was left alone with this supervisor for a month and a half. And if anyone is curious, I did actually complain to her supervisor after she made me walk on my injured foot and said I "wasn't doing my job" JUST BECAUSE I COULDN'T WALK, EVEN THOUGH I OFFERED TO PICK UP THE UTK STUDENTS INSTEAD. But while her supervisor was very apologetic while I was talking to her, literally nothing happened. Not even an apology. And I'm still working with this woman, though she's not my supervisor anymore. She's the assistant supervisor, but she's been subbing at other schools recently, so I've not had to see her much. Ironically, when she is around, I get along fine with her. That's one of the reasons those several months hurt so much; we were kind of friends beforehand. And we're kind of friends again. I've never been one to hold grudges, luckily. But that doesn't make it hurt less. Obviously, since it's still bothering me several months later. (Oh, and side note, but this supervisor was in her mid to late 30's. So, it's not like she's young and didn't know better.)

But that was months ago. And once my usual supervisor came back (who I'm also friendly with, and who is FAR more competent than the sub) things got a lot easier. I still have my internship to worry about, which is it's own brand of stress, but things have calmed down a lot since then. Not as good as it was before, but... I'm getting there. Oh! Another thing that helped was that I finally finished my final project/thesis, which had been a source of stress for months, since I was almost 6 months late to starting and even more to finishing the project, the whole thing with my sub supervisor making it all worse. But I finished it and turned it in last month, and my professor said I did really well and that I should be proud. I was terrified it was awful since I struggled so hard, and it was so relieving to know that it was good and that I'm done.

Also! Like I said earlier, it's my birthday tomorrow! I'm turning 26, which is... a weird number. Far more than I ever expected. Not because I thought I'd die, no. But just... I never really thought this far ahead as a teen, you know? I was so focused on getting through college, and then grad school, that the passage of time kind of got all wonky. I'm also a little nervous, since my last two birthdays have... sucked. A lot. Last year my dad's appendix burst right after my birthday dinner and he spent several hours in the hospital waiting area, none of us knowing what was wrong with him. And then, after we learned what was wrong, we were worried he would die from sepsis or a complication with the surgery, since my dad is a larger man and is not the healthiest. And the year before we learned we had mold in the wall between my and my brother's bedroom, so we'd have to move out a week later for at least 3 weeks while they fixed it. Which was terrifying, since the reason we had to leave our old apartment was because of mold. They sprayed some mold killer that my mom was horribly allergic to, so we had to move abruptly, and we were all terrified we'd have to abruptly move in the middle of the year, when rent everywhere in my area is stupidly high. We have a good rate where we currently are, since we've lived here 15 years, but anywhere else...? Yeah.

This ended up longer than intended... but I think anyone who follows me here knows to expect that when asking me a simple question by now, ha. Ultimately I'm doing... alright. Not great, not terrible, but... okay. Basically, I was treading water before, but now I'm holding onto a life preserver, if that makes sense. Out of immediate danger, but at risk of falling if things get worse again.

If all goes well, though, I will be done with my grad program by April, and then I will be going on a sort of graduation cruise with my parents during Spring Break, then in May I'm going to Japan with my brother, as a dual graduation, 30th birthday celebration for him (his birthday is March 10th, but he didn't want to go to Japan in March since the weather isn't great. And he didn't want to go in April because it's busy with Golden Week and cherry blossom season). I've been actually planning and budgeting this trip, which is exciting, since I have a lot of cool things planned and I really hope the trip goes as well as I'm hoping it will. I also hope I might be able to find some Danganronpa things while there, since it is more popular in Japan, I think? Not sure if there will be merch for it, since it is older, and I honestly don't know if it was that big in Japan, but I can hope, ha. I'm also excited for all the Nintendo and Pokémon things, since I love Nintendo and Pokémon.

Now, I should end this here or I'll be talking all day, ha. Sorry for the wall of text, but I've not really spoken about any of this on here, since it was just... not easy. But it's getting better. And the fact I'm writing again showcases that. I'm more than halfway done with my next chapter of my Bowuigi fic, Luigi and the Beast, which I feared I was done with for good. I don't know if I'll keep writing after this chapter, but writing anything after months of anxiety and writer's block is amazing.

Finally... thanks for checking in. And I'm glad you like my fics! If it isn't obvious by now, I have a lot of anxiety surrounding my writing, so I'm really glad that people do enjoy it. ^-^

#ask answers #personal post #Long post #Sorry anon for the wall of text. #This is what happens when people ask me simple questions. 😅

[the-trinket-witch]

Practically Perfect Ch. 6

(Ch 7|Ch 5|Ch 1)

"So you pass between sides of the field to score goals based on how far it had been moved before...Someone gets tackled?!" Albert repeated. Yuu had spent the evening and following morning explaining to both Grim and Albert the concept of 'American Football'. "Seems a bit more contact than I'd prefer in a sport." 

The three continued breakfast until a knock at the door interrupted. A ghost poked their head in, through the wall, to relay the message.

"Uhhh, it's Headmaster Crowley~ he's sitting in the lounge when you can~"

Yuu grimaced, Albert also knowing all too well by now Crowley's presence meant additional work. 

"Ah-there you all are. I have a request-see it like...an exchange. You provide me some intel about a string of accidents happening around campus, in exchange, I continue to provide you lodgings without charge. You're more than welcome to join as well, Mr. Eastwind-you still have board tuition to pay but I could allow this month be...shall we say 'waived' if you were to assist your dormmates in this matter."

The three exchanged knowing but resigned glances, sighing in agreement.  

"Wait though! How do we know these are part of somethin' bigger and not like… People just being clumsy, being all excited for the tournament and all?" Grim asked.

"That's what one would assume on first glance, but with 10 already injured just this year, it can't be ignored. I sadly don't have any evidence to say so, but that's why I'm here!"

"Myehhh this doesn't sound like any of our business anyway-we can't even play!"

"If you could shed light on these occurrences, there may be a way I may be able to pull some strings, to allow your dorm to compete," Crowley offered. 

Al watched both Grim and Yuu's eyes shine at the prospect.  Yuu halted though to ask where they'd be able to get enough players to even qualify. 

"Fret not! I'm a gracious headmaster so you can rest assured I will uphold my end of this little bargain of ours~"

—--

The three took the day to check the infirmary, the student there giving his testimony about his trip down the stairs, another splashing himself and others with boiling potion, and one more seemed to overstretch and possibly tore something. Yuu took notes, Grim asked the questions, and Albert tried piecing things together. The trio made their way back to their dorm, at one point Al accidentally collided with a familiar beastman. Apologies were exchanged and they were on their way. 

“They all just sound clumsy, I still don’t know what the big deal is,” Grim concluded.  A knock at the door announced Ace.

They filled him in on the situation, but with an extra head there didn’t seem to be any more headway. Al contemplated it more, emptying his pockets for the afternoon, to find the contents of the left: missing. He let out a quick sound of surprise, but immediately began smirking.

“What’s so funny?” Ace wondered. 

“Oh, I must have had either a hole in my pocket earlier, or someone’s got sticky fingers on campus. I had some change for laundry and a couple of cat treats for Lucius, but they’ve all disappeared. If it was taken I’m sure they’re probably surprised to find not a wallet but pet treats.” Al smiled. “Just tells me keeping my billfold and phone up here was a wise choice,” he patted at a spot on his jacket. 

They all looked a little confused, but their wonder broke at the sound of someone barging into the dorm. 

“GUYS-This is bad!” Deuce skid into the lounge, “Clover got hurt on the stairs!”

>I couldn’t imagine him being clumsy…

>He doesn’t seem the type to get wrapped up in excitement…

The group trekked to Heartslabyul to find Cater already in the middle of helping Trey.

“Hey kids-How’re yall doing?” Cater started in.

“We’re fine, but what about Trey?” Ace demanded.

“I’m all right-just a fumble on the stairs. I’m fine but this foot’s a little banged up. I’m probably gonna be in crutches for a hot minute. Though probably too long for me to keep on the Magift Team this year.” Trey explained. 

Riddle barged in, completely at the ready, to help. 

“If there’s anything you need, please ask. This is all my fault…” Riddle seemed about on the verge of tears.

“Will do, but hey, hey, hey; don’t beat yourself up! You had a spill and I was there, thankfully to catch you.”

“What?!” Albert interrupted. “Sorry, Riddle, but you also had an issue on the stairs?”

“Like Trey said, he caught me before I could fall, but…I do feel guilty it resulted in this.”

“If it helps, permit me to offer any assistance I can. This is starting to sound a lot more suspicious now that it’s happening so close to home…”

Cater interrupted, “Speaking of-how about we give Trey some space to recoup-lemme meet you downstairs.”

That was the group’s signal to leave. Once downstairs, he corralled everyone to the lounge.

“I didn’t wanna say anything about it in front of ‘im, but I’m getting the feeling it’s pretty sus, too,” Cater whispered.

“What do you mean?” Riddle asked.

“Well, we’ve been investigating all these spills and accidents, this one being the latest…This is really looking more orchestrated. But how?” Albert replied.

“Not sure how-but look at all who’re getting hurt: All players, or at least contenders, for the Magift Tournament.”

“Do you think somebody’s got a hit out on the other competitors?” Ace asked.

“Possibly-This tournament can make or break someone’s prospects with sponsors,” Riddle noted. “To that end: I’m going to help, too. The problem, first off, seems to be catching the culprit in the act,” Riddle announced.

“Ok, but like, How?” Grim yowled.

“WAIT-A Stakeout!” Ace and Deuce concluded together. 

>I can go with that…

>But who do we think is going to be targeted next?

“I got a few ideas, let’s get goin’ and we can go down the list,” Cater said with a flip of his phone-already on Magicam.

—---

“First Stop: Pomefiore!”

“Riddle, please remind me who the dorm leader was here?” Albert asked, “I don’t think I met him at the meeting earlier.”

“Oh, Vil Schoenheit. I believe, though, we are looking for his second-in-command: Rook Hunt.”

“He’s the dude with the bob and the hat. There he is,” Cater pointed out. They watched the two older students chiding another, smaller, student. 

“Nyehh, doesn’t look real strong to me,” Grim muttered. “Let's check somewhere else…”

Cater led them to the central courtyard, where they eyed a couple of heads of teal hair. 

“There they are. ‘Cater Check’ says we might have a possibility Octavinelle’s Leech Twins might get targeted.”

“Ya sure? They’re huge!” Ace noted. “Ya don’t think they’ll be able to hold their own against somebody trying to get them hurt?”

“I’d for sure save them for last-especially that Floyd, there. That’s the one people especially try steering clear of,” Riddle mentioned with a shudder. His voice must have carried just far enough, as the more disheveled of the two turned towards the group. A toothy grin erupted at the sight of someone in the group, as he began a march over.

“GOLDFISHIE~” he yelled. 

“Dammit, he saw me!” Riddle cursed, ducking behind Albert. He poked his head back out, “I told you not to call me that! I don’t even know how you came up with it, anyway!”

“Cause you’re tiny and red like a lil goldfish~” he lilted. “Neh, a flamin’ cat? Mind if I give it a good squeeze?” a dark glint shown in his bicolored eyes. The smiling maw of his seemed to grow wider at the thought. “Maybe Shrimpy? A shrimp like you might be real easy to squeeze.” Yuu didn’t make any attempt at hiding the back-step they took, also behind Albert.

“Ah, Heartslabyul’s dorm all together? A reconnaissance mission, I assume?” The other twin asked, slithering up from behind the first. “Mind if we troubled you the reason you’re all trying to spy on us?”

Ace noted the creepiness of the more collected one’s expression, as cold as it still seemed with a feigned smile.

“Our apologies, gentlemen,” Albert piped up. “We didn’t mean to give the assumption of us ‘spying’ on either of you. We’ve actually been doing candid interviews! Could we take a moment of your time?” it wasn't technically a lie, as the mention of what the interview was for didn't need addressed. 

Riddle made a confused sound, but Al made a motion behind him to signal the group to leave. They took the hint and slowly started backing up. 

“So, gents, If you’d prefer we can make our way this way, or we can find a nice patch of grass to start this interview…” He made motions to turn them away from the band. 

“Ehh, new face here-you talk a bunch. Ya want us to talk? How ‘bout we play tag, we catch you: I get to squeeze ya and get’cha to shut up.” The one designated as Floyd growled. He in turn laid a large hand over Al’s head, further emphasizing their height difference. 

“Watch our step; in time I believe we could actually come to be friends, but if you insist on ‘tag’ for a chat...” Al started before disappearing from between the two, reappearing a couple feet ahead of them. “Then I believe that makes you both ‘It’.”

The two made confused glances between themselves, the spot Albert was, landing on where he stood currently. They stared back, teeth bare, with the gaze of two predators smelling blood in the water. In a quick flash the two were on the move. It caught Albert by surprise, but the moment he sensed they were about to touch him, he paused his time to move to another spot, and resumed; for them he vanished before they could grab him, only for him to appear a few meters in another direction. A couple more confused looks between the two and they set off in their new trajectory. This continued for a couple of minutes, affording the rest of the troupe to flee. They kept pace with their target, getting closer to him each time, which concerned Al. He’d never had someone anticipate where he’d blip back in. An instance Floyd made a grasp at the air. Albert had blipped back in only to find the time resuming to his pursuer grasping out directly where he had stood.

“There ya are-ya can’t hide from these noses~” He warned.

Albert’s heart skipped a beat as he felt the other man’s skin on his throat, before pausing time once more. He made a quick trek to one of the balconies before resuming time, allowing himself to catch his breath and resteady his nerves. 

“Sorry, you two, but if you don’t have time for an interview, I simply must be on my way, then! Lovely to meet you!” He shouted from the second floor before trotting away. 

#albert eastwind #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #jade leech #practically perfect fanfic #twisted wonderland #twst oc

[falconedreams]

Of Cryptic Conches & Castles

My dreams come in 3 flavours - logical to the point of hilarity, cartoon slapstick comedy, and cryptic fever dreams. This is the third kind. ……Maybe literally. I haven’t been feeling so well these days.

Anyway.

I dreamt I was on a beach. A rocky beach, with lots of cracks and crevices for coastal life to hide in. Don't know how I got there, there was no lead-up. I was alone. Not just in the sense that there wasn't anyone around that I knew, but there wasn't anyone - at all, period. Somehow I didn't find that odd. I guess because I enjoy the silence and solitude, so I didn’t question it. Also, there was a thick fog and I could only see maybe a couple arms' length in front of me, so I guess I just thought no one wanted to come out in this weather, or I just couldn't see them. I didn't care. I liked the silence, and I liked the cool weather, so I hunted for sea glass along the beach.

I didn't find any, but I did find this magnificent conch shell - I didn't believe it had belonged to any animal to begin with, it was in such pristine condition. It was huge, as long as my forearm and as wide as my thigh, with spikes fanning out like a lionfish's fins; beautifully marbled in fiery orange, pink, and gold.

I blew into it, because, well, conch. I’ve tried this before, IRL, to no effect, so I wasn’t expecting anything, but to my utter amazement and awe this particular conch produced this resonating, reverberating foghorn blast – so long, so loud, and so low, you would’ve thought it was a top-of-the-line cruiser or tanker, not a half-meter shell. At the blast of the conch, the fog magically rolled away, revealing a little island just a little ways out to sea, with a little castle of grey stone on it. I decided to go swim out to have a look (This is starting to sound like one of those "you're in a forest" personality quizzes).

The castle wasn’t very grand and imposing (I mean, it was on an island), and it was worn by age and the elements, but it had that sort of weathered, craggy beauty – like looking into the face of a dignified old person and seeing a flash of the dashing heartbreaker they were in their youth. The grounds were unkempt and overgrown but there were no thorns, no weeds - just tangles and tangles of wildflowers that seemed to be almost exulting, luxuriating, in their wild, chaotic beauty.

As soon as I set foot into the castle, I was overcome with this incredible, powerful sense of - (I sat staring at the computer screen for 5 minutes before I finally found the right word) - grief. Loss, and sadness, and longing, so hard that it physically hurt. A pain so deep and so fierce, no doctors’ charts have a word to describe it. I found myself on my knees, my forehead pressed against the cool stone floor, sobbing my heart out on the threshold of the doorway, not knowing why.

I cried until I was profoundly exhausted, then, deciding that I didn’t have the energy to swim back, started to explore the castle. It was a lot more well-kept than its outside would suggest, except for this one room, which I’ll get to later. First, I found the kitchen. It was heated and dimly lit by the embers dying in their hearths. Strangely enough, there was a fresh meal laid out on one of the counters. Fresh baked bread, still warm, the crust crisp and crackly and the insides as airy as cotton and tasting as creamy as butter. An assortment of cheeses and dried meats and fruits. Chilled cut crystal decanter of water. You would think I have watched enough horror movies to know better, but I ate it all. Thankfully, nothing happened.

Then I found the – my guess would be that it was the dining room. This is the one room that looked as old and abandoned as the outside of the castle. There was nothing in it but some long-burnt-out wall torches, some overturned chairs and in the middle of the room, a huge stone table, so large and so heavy that it must have been carved straight out of the stone floor, because there was no way it could’ve made it through the doorway. Nevertheless, some incredible force had apparently managed to damage it. I couldn’t imagine how it was done, but it was cracked in half and caved in straight down the middle. Kind of like Aslan's table, but round, instead of square.

My last stop was the library. I had really meant to try for a bedroom, but I was too tired by then, and anyway the library had a good fire merrily roaring away, and these beautiful plush red chaise lounges chased with gold and matching fluffy red throw rugs.  Then i found the library! It also had a good fire going, and these super comfy looking red chaise lounges with matching red fluffy throw rugs. They looked roughly handcrafted and the colour was dulled with age, but when I ran my hands over them there was no dust, so I grabbed a few books off the shelves at random and settled down near the fire.

I should probably have looked at the books before I pulled them off the shelves, because when I opened the first book, it was blank. As was the second. And the third. All the books were blank. It was really confusing and frustrating but by that point I was just so tired and the chaise lounge was just so cosy that I just fell asleep anyway.

Then I woke up IRL. ._. WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!

#falcone dreams #text #cryptic dreams #fantasy dreams #fantasy