All for him
Summary: Your dad owes the Mafia boss money after a deal goes bad and he didn't think he would have to give his daughter up to him.
Word count: 2,488
Warnings: none really
part 1.
Mr. Barnes owned everything in your town so all business deals went through him. But when your dad's plan and money fell through, Bucky was furious. He sat behind his big desk looking at your dad and then spoke.
"What's your plan now huh?"
"I- I don't know, maybe if you could give me some time I can-"
"Stop"
Bucky cuts him off and nods to one of his security guys who walks up to your dad and starts searching his pockets. He pulls out his wallet from his back pocket and throws it to Bucky who searches through it.
"You've got 5 dollars and some family photos, let's see what we've got here hm? Wow, your wife is beautiful" he smirks.
"But your daughter, now there's a sexy woman"
"P-Please Mr. Barnes, don't hurt them. They have nothing to do with this"
"Hurt them? No, I wouldn't do that" he gets up from his chair and moves around to the front of his desk sitting in front of your dad.
"I'm gonna do you a favor and take your daughter under my wing"
"What? Noshe doesn't belong here"
"Well you should have thought about that before losing all my money"
"I'm sorry, I really am but please, don't hurt her"
"Hurt her? I wouldn't dream of it unless she asks for it£ he smirks.
"You have two days, if I don't see her here I will come get her myself. Don't even think about skipping town. I have eyes everywhere. Two days!"
He walks out of the office leaving your dad sitting there with his head in his hands.
When your dad gets home, he asks you and your mom to sit down and talk. He tells you both that the deal went bad and that Mr. Barnes wanted something as payment.
"Okay, so you just have to get him his money, right Dad?" you say softly.
"No honey, he wants you".
"What?!" you and your mom both shout.
"He wants to take Y/N under his wing he said"
"What does that mean Dad? He can't do that right?"
Your dad takes your hand, tears welling up in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry honey, it's out of my control. You have to be there in two days"
Hearing those words come out of your dad's mouth broke your heart.
"How could you do this to me? What does he want with me? I don't want to be part of a gang"
Storming off to your room and slamming the door. How could he do this to you? He was just going to give you away to this stranger that you have never met before and he was dangerous. You nearly spoke for the next two days. Anytime you think about it, it just makes you cry. You had packed up most of your important stuff and waited. Sitting with your mom saying your goodbyes. Whenever your dad would talk to you, you wouldn't listen. This wouldn't be happening to you unless he had his shit together. There was a knock at the door and your dad went to answer.
"Hello sir, I'm here to take your daughter to her new place"
"Yes, hello Mr. Rogers, please come in"
He opens the door letting him in along with two other guys.
You see them come into the living room and stand with their hands crossed in front of them.
"Are you him?" you ask.
"No honey, this is Mr. Rogers. Mr. Barnes' security. I'm guessing he won't be coming?"
"No, he is away on some business but he will be back tomorrow to see you Y/N".
You glare at him, you hate every single thing to do with this guy.
"I'm not leaving! I don't wanna be part of that crap!"
Steve smiles "I'm a sorry sweetheart but a deal was made, you're coming with us"
Running up to him and hitting him on his chest
"You can't do this!"
"I'm just doing my job sweetheart"
Steve nods at the other two guys and they grab Y/N taking her out to the car and coming back for her bags. Steve walks over to your dad handing him a letter.
--x--
"You and your wife have to leave town, take what you can carry, and don't come back. This house belongs to Mr. Barnes"
Steve leaves closing the door behind him leaving your parents to pack and leave. The whole car ride back to his mansion you cried. You didn't know what was going to happen to you. The car parked and Steve got out and opened your door and put his hand out to help you out of the car. Your shaky hand reached out to his and you got out.
"Please follow me, your bags will be brought up soon"
You follow behind him as he escorts you to where you are staying.
"You will be staying here for tonight. Mr. Barnes will talk to you tomorrow. Have a good night"
He closes the door behind him leaving you alone.
The next morning your breakfast was brought to you in bed. Whenever you would ask a question you never got an answer. You take a shower and spend the rest of your day sitting in your big window seat watching the world go by. You were not sure what time it was but there was a string of cars outside. Then I saw a man get out of the back of one of the cars and come inside. After a few minutes, your door opens and you see Steve, he just stands there with his hands crossed and you think about running by him and running away from everyone. But as soon as you thought that he entered your room.
"Hi doll, sorry I wasn't around yesterday just had some business to deal with"
"Like murder?" you talk back making him chuckle.
Even though he just met you he knew he was going to love you.
"No doll, just checking on my investments"
"So now you're just checking on another investment right!?"
He chuckles and turns to Steve. They talk for a moment and then Steve leaves closing the door behind him leaving you and Bucky in the room. He sits across from you on the window seat and gives you a sweet smile. He moves closer, placing his hand on your cheek making you flinch.
"I'm not going to hurt you doll, Iment what I said to your dad. I'm taking you under my wing". His thumb brushed over your cheek "You're so beautiful, all of my competitors will be so jealous that I've got you on my arm."
You look at him confused and take his hand. He walks you outside to his little hidden-away guest house.
He leans in trying to kiss you making you lean back and blush.
"Don't be shy doll"
"I'm not shy I've just never-" you mumble.
"Never what?"
"I've never been with anyone, never even kissed a guy"
Bucky stands and holds his hand out to you to take.
"Come on, I wanna show you something."
"This is yours for the next few months, but you're not allowed to have any visitors. My men will be on guard" he opens the door for you to enter and follows behind you. He watches you as you look around.
"Everything here will be taken care of. I will join you most evenings for dinner"
When your head cleared you started to look around the house. It was really nice, everything you needed. You sat down on the big bed and took a deep breath. "I'm- I'm all for him"
"So will you be joining me this evening?"
"Yes." you turn around and look at him.
"I'm sorry I don't understand"
"What do you not understand doll?"
"Well, Mr. Barnes. What am I doing here? Why are you being nice to me? My dad owes you money, right? Soam Ia thing to be thrown around by your friends?" he walks over to you placing his hand on your cheek "Call me Bucky. And no, you're not for my friends. You are for me"
"Foryou?"
He leans in, his lips almost touching yours but he leans back looking into your eyes.
"We are going out for dinner tonight. Be ready at 7" he smiles and leaves the little guest house. Your heart was beating so hard in your chest.
--x--
It took you longer than you thought to pick out something to wear for dinner. You settled on a nice red dress with some black jewelry and a purse to match. When you walk into the living room, Steve is standing there.
"Hey, you look beautiful. Mr. Barnes is waiting outside, can I let him in?"
"Um, sure"
Steve smiles and goes to let him in. When you see Bucky, he is wearing a nice suit, his hair tied back into a bun and he smells amazing.
"Good evening sweetheart. You look stunning tonight"
"Thank you, Bucky, where are we going?"
"My friend Sam owns the place. Best food you will ever eat and it overlooks the lake"
"Wow, I can't wait!"
He smiles and holds his hand out to you and you both walk to the car. He opens the door for you and makes sure you are safely inside before getting in himself. Steve and a fellow guard are in the front.
The car ride was quiet. You honestly didn't know what to say to him or what to talk about but the ride wasn't very long. The guards got out of the car and opened the doors. Bucky came around to you taking your arm and wrapping it around his as you both walked in. The restaurant looked amazing, it was packed with people. As soon as you got in a man came up to both of you.
"Mr. Barnes! Nice to see you again"
Bucky shakes his hand and hugs him "Hey Sam! How has everything been going?"
"Good man good! We've got your table ready for you over here"
"Thankyou Sam, this is Y/N"
Sam takes your hand and kisses the back of it "It's very nice to meet you! Please, follow me"
Both of you follow Sam to your booth and Bucky steps back letting you sit in first, then he sits in beside you.
"Please, both of you enjoy your night and order whatever you like cause it's on me!" Sam smiles and leaves to go back to the kitchen.
"This is really nice, you own this too?"
"No, I did help Sam get started and he paid me back. It's all his I just get a table whenever I show up" he smiles.
You smile back and let your eyes scan over his body. He tilts his head at you and says "See something you like?"
"I guess I had you wrong Mr. Barnes. I thought you would be demanding, shouting, beating people up, killing"
He leans in cupping your cheek with his hand "Call me Bucky. I'm pretty easygoing unless someone does me wrong or if anyone dares to touch you"
His thumb rubs over your cheek.
"Can I ask you a personal question baby?"
"Um, sure I guess"
"You've never been with anyone sexually?"
Blushing and shaking your head no.
"I will wait till you are ready. I won't sleep with you till our wedding night"
Your heart skips a beat "Why me Bucky? I'm sure you can have anyone you want"
He smiles and kisses your cheek "I want you".
Your body starts to lean into him going to kiss his lips but the waitress interrupts.
"Hi guys what can I get you tonight?"
Bucky clears his throat and orders his usual. You were trying to pick something quickly from the menu but you were just so overwhelmed "Let me sweetheart"
"Og great," you thought, he's gonna order salad and I'm gonna be starving for the rest of the night. But you were wrong, he ordered you the 8oz steak and wine.
"Thank you"
"You're welcome baby girl"
He asks you about your childhood and asks all sorts of questions trying to get to know you. The food and wine was amazing, there was so much that you couldn't finish. "Can I get the rest of this to go? It was so good I don't want to waste it"
"Of course! I'll sort that out for you" The waitress takes everything away from the table.
"Let's go out on the balcony and look at the view hm?"
"Yeah, that sounds nice Bucky" he stands and waits for you to get out of the booth and leads you out to the balcony. The cold air instantly hits your bare shoulders and arms making you wrap your arms around yourself. Bucky sees this and instantly takes his suit jacket off and places it on your shoulders.
"Thank you, should have thought about a jacket"
"That's alright sweetheart I'm happy to give it to you"
He stands behind you rubbing your arms as you both look out at the water. You turn around looking at him and smiling and he gives you a big smile back, leaning in and kissing your lips softly. Your hands instantly wrap around his neck. His hands wrap around your waist pulling you closer. He gently swipes his tongue over your bottom lip, asking for entrance and you let him in. His tongue gently massaging against yours.
You don't know how long the both of you have been making out but when he pulls away you whine, leaning into him trying to catch his lips again and it makes him laugh.
"Easy baby don't want you getting tired of me" he jokes making you smile.
"Come on doll, gotta get you home"
"I don't wanna go home"
"I know but Sam doesn't have any beds here". You playfully slap his chest laughing. He signals Steve to bring the car around and you both get in. When the car starts on its way back bringing you home, you lean over kissing Bucky again and he pulls you closer to him. His jacket falling off your shoulders. Pulling him down on top of you in the back of the car.
"Not like this baby girl, want to make everything special for you"
"I know, I just can't help it"
As the car pulls up to your house, Steve gets out of the car, opening the door for Bucky and then Bucky comes around to your side to open the door for you. He walks you inside the house and hands you the leftovers of food from the restaurant.
"Thank you for dinner Bucky"
"You're welcome, sweetheart. Can I come see you tomorrow after lunch?"
"Sure, I don't have any plans" you laugh. He leans in kissing your lips softly and then your forehead "Good night doll. see you tomorrow"
"Good night Bucky"
272 notes
·
View notes
TONIGHT YOU ARE MINE JASON TODD (7.8K)
synopsis you hadn’t meant to screw it all up. only a few months ago, you’d been spending your nights in a bed that wasn’t yours, sure that it would last. it was always going to be him, and then suddenly it wasn’t. OR: an au where jason is your band's guitarist and one single review makes your world come crashing down.
cw: gn!reader, afab! reader, band!au, breakup, angst, self loathing reader, exes to lovers, stephanie brown is a meddler, roy harper cameo, porn with plot, car sex, exhibitionism, piv sex, minor spanking (like once), emotional/angry sex. minors and ageless blogs dni or you will be blocked
Everyone in the crowd can sense the underlying tension. Only a year ago, you’d spent the majority of tour unable to go five minutes without reaching for or looking Jason.
You’d feel sorry for tonight’s crowd, the last night of tour is always supposed to go out with a bang, but you haven’t been able to so much as approach the pretty guitarist this evening without feeling heat rise in your chest, wicked curls of anger licking at your wounds everytime you near him. November skies descend on the crowd with a chill rivalling your own and you stay a good range away from the taller man at all times, repelled like opposite poles.
Jason, similarly, keeps his eyes on the strings, a hard edge to his jaw.
On the drums, Steph flicks her eyes between the both of you, sharing a thinly veiled look of discomfort with one of the sound technicians backstage.
It’s been like this all month, and though the both of you had managed to keep it somewhat professional it’s clear everyone has begun to feel the weight of the awkward silences suffocating the dressing room. The blonde fears if you open your mouth at all, no one will leave the room alive, lips often pursed so tightly as though you’re keeping a barrage of words locked away.
You refuse to look at Jason at any given moment, and though your voice remains level when you address him, it isn’t so much an address as it is talking at him, instructions doled out like a military seargent, stiff and impersonal.
There’s no shadow of the playfulness that had just about driven her insane in the spring, no lingering touches and the stolen kisses in the summer when you’d still thought no one had caught on. (They’d all been very aware, given the poorly hidden love bites on the guitarist’s neck and the added secrecy in your shared grins) No whispers in the dressing room, no ganging up on Roy–she felt as though she’d fallen into the worst timeline.
They’re coming up on one of their most popular songs, and Steph’s feeling the heat of the stage lights despite the bite of late Fall, beads of sweat crowding at her temples when you fiddle with your mic on stage and there seems to be no intent of committing to your usual tradition. If the crowd hasn’t already picked up on your obvious tension, they’re sure to when you’re singing almost in the wings instead of wrapping yourself around Jason like you’d made sure to every single concert since your first big gig.
It’s fine, she tries to assure herself, but her eyes track your movement and you’ve planted yourself firmly away from him and she knows the media is going to have a field day with this. She can already see the headlines, every quack with expertise in body language is going to be crawling out of the woodwork to analyse this–and the worst part is, they wouldn’t be wrong. Her own despair is painted on her face in a frown that she isn’t so sure she can explain as concentration.
Roy, nearby, looks over his shoulder and she can tell by the slant of his mouth that he’s displeased. He mouths a single word at her.
She looks back to you, to Jason, to the crowd. You close your eyes, arms outstretched as you spin in slow circles, and Jason picks at the strings of his guitar, lifting his eyes only for a moment to gaze at you. It’s the confusion painted on one of the front row attendees that seals her decision.
Blue eyes narrow at Roy and she tips her chin in agreement.
“No.”
“Are you serious?” Steph explodes in front of you, hands flying up. You look at her evenly, sat on the couch in your dressing room, nursing the bottle of water you’d snagged from the fridge. You’ve changed out of your outfit into something looser, feeling the itch to get out of the get up the moment you’d stepped off stage and into the wings.
“Does it sound like I’m joking?” you snap. “I get you guys are concerned, but you need to stay out of it.”
“How are we supposed to stay out of it when the both of you can’t even be normal around each other?” she retorts, flicking a heavily hairsprayed lock of blonde hair over her shoulder. Her face gleams in the aftermath of the concert, eyeliner smudged and lipstick all but faded on bitten lips. Even out of her get up, she still looks formidable.
“Listen,” you say, feeling your chest twist uncomfortably under her piercing gaze. Your hands feel slippery around the cold plastic, and you fiddle with the label, picking at the corner with your fingernail. “I’m sorry we went and made things all weird, but I didn’t mean to. Pretty sure he’ll tell you the same thing. But what do you want from me, Brown? It’s just gonna take a bit of time, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
And it’s the truth.
You hadn’t meant to screw it all up. Only a few months ago, you’d been spending your nights in a bed that wasn’t yours, sure that it would last. You’d never been so careless with anyone, ever, but it was Jason.
The sound of his name, the very thought of him, empties your lungs of air. He had always been there, constant, steadying, Jason. It had always been the both of you in this together. His had been the hand you sought for when the flashes got to be too much. When the homesickness hit hard and you spent days in bed skipping out on rehearsals and meetings it had been Jason who’d showed up and shoved you into the shower and sat outside talking to you the entire time, who’d stripped your bed and replaced the sheets.
It was always going to be him, and then suddenly it wasn’t.
How were you supposed to come back from that unscathed? How the fuck were you supposed to go back to teasing touches on stage and near kisses over your microphone like it didn’t mean a thing?
You hadn’t lost your boyfriend, in that fight, but your partner, too. Steph and Roy were your best friends, too, but Jason was your heart. And you’d gone and broken it all on your own.
Steph must see it in your face, as you slump back into the couch, because she sighs, dropping down into the seat next to you. She kicks her shoes off, sneakers hitting the floor a few feet away with a thud and she curls into your side, pressing her cheek to your shoulder.
The TV in the corner switches on and some late night talk show provides a soundtrack for you to sit in your despair.
What a way to finish the tour.
You throw yourself into Jason’s arms with a drunken giggle and he catches you, arms coming up to steady you, an easy grin on his handsome face. In the dim light of the dive bar, the shadows sharpen his already strong features, teal eyes boring down into yours affectionately. You reach up with a careful hand, running your thumb under his brow where a speck of glitter lingers on his skin.
“Hello,” he rumbles and you can’t help yourself, pushing yourself up in his lap to slant your lips against his.
“Hi,” you breathe out, starry-eyed.
“You were amazing tonight,” he tells you, stealing another kiss before tucking you into his side and taking a swig from his bottle. His arm lies heavy around your middle, anchoring you to your seat on his thigh. Across the booth, at the bar, you can see your bandmates arguing as they wait for their drinks.
“Me!” you exclaim, reaching for the slice of pizza on the table. “You were amazing. And distracting. D’you have any idea how many times I almost forgot what I was singing ‘cause you looked at me?”
He laughs and the sound reverberates through your back, drawing a smile from you. You think you’ve barely spent a moment tonight not grinning, feeling the rush of satisfaction from playing the crowd. It’s been a good night–but then again, every night seems to be a good night, you think to yourself.
How could you not be happy, when it feels as though everything is finally going right?
Jason takes you home that night and kisses you silly in the back of the cab, fingers trailing dangerously under the hem of your shirt and swallowing your whispered protests in his mouth. And when you get home, he draws them from you tenfold, the noise spilling into the air of his bedroom where he can savour them uninhibited.
Having the boy in your bed, the stars within reach, soaring towards the sun, higher, higher with no end in sight. You are foolish to believe it’s everlasting. Being on top of the world blinds you, so focused on the clouds brushing your face that you forget the danger of misstep.
The end comes on a Wednesday afternoon, when a missive of 2000 words and an unrelenting pen strike you down where you stand, shoot you midair like an arrow. Falling feels like flying but you’ve never felt fear in the air til now.
Freefalling, you are stripped down to your barest parts and sewn back together with a few clumsy words–you can’t help but feel as though you’re missing an organ.
Only the combined efforts of your manager and Jason pull you from bed, four days of missed rehearsals are all they give you to mope before he storms the fortress.
“Up,” he demands, moving throughout your room and throwing the curtains open. Afternoon sunlight streams in, bright and merciless against your internal plight. Jason tugs the covers off, eyes blazing with forceful determination when you make to pull it back. “No. You need to get up. We gave you space, now you gotta get it together.”
An unintelligible noise is your only response, rolling over onto your stomach and groaning into your pillow. You’ve spent your tears, but you can feel your face burning once more and you refuse to let him see just how much this has affected you.
Your name leaves his lips, stern and stripped of its usual affection. “Cut the shit. You got a bad review. ‘S not the end of the world, kid. You can’t spend the rest of your life letting it get to you.”
You want to scream at him. You want to take him by the shoulders and yell, did you read the same article? How can you be so unfeeling?
A nasty, bitter part of you whispers that of course he wouldn’t understand. Why would he? They had nothing but praise for him, the pretty boy wordsmith of your band whose pen had produced the best of the band’s discography. And you know it isn’t unfounded, you know you’re being unfair–Jason is talented. You’d known it at seventeen, when the both of you had been messing around on his dad’s piano and you know it now. You’ve always loved him for it. He’d always celebrated your successes, you knew he deserved every bit of recognition he got.
You only wish it hadn’t come at your expense.
Green curls around your senses as he wrangles you out of bed and into the bathroom, leaking through your veins and only thickening as you wash yourself of the last few days.
When you emerge from the steam, it is with vengeance and a vow. Reborn, you gather what you can of your wings.
You’ll fly once more.
There are 15 unread messages on your phone and the light of the recording studio is the only thing keeping you company. The clock on the wall points to it being well into the night.
Your eyes burn as you stare at the pages of your notebook, ivory filled with scribbling you can make little sense of. It’s a brand new one, blue skinned and thick, pages pressed flat with disuse. All around the small coffee table you kneel in front of lie your old books, sheaves of loose paper fluttering under the expulsion of air from the nearby fan. Lines on lines of old writing, crossed out and highlighted and annotated with blood red ink, surround you.
Your muscles lie stiff in your back and hips, fingers curling around your pen. Empty bags of takeout lie abandoned and emptied behind you–you’ll surely be told off in the following morning when your manager returns, either for staying to work so late into the night or for bringing food into the studio.
“Do you plan to go home at all?”
You don’t flinch at the sound of Jason’s voice behind you. His reflection stands in the glass of the studio window, filling out the doorway in a manner that anybody else might find threatening. You ought to, too. There’s displeasure in his voice, disappointment in your habits.
Jason lets you get away with most things. His temper is sweet, at least where you’re concerned. You’ve never felt the need to test it, and rarely have you been the subject of his ire, so softened by time that it takes a great deal to be drawn. You’re used to his indulgence, his saved smiles and the gentleness of his hand and tone. This is a stark contrast to the honeyed words he reserves for you.
But it’s also your new normal. And isn’t that an awful thought, that you’ve grown used to it now, having heard it enough times in the last few weeks for it to lose its weight. Disappointing him, once upon a time, might’ve destroyed you. At seventeen, you couldn’t bear the thought of letting him down. But you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve caught his doleful look cast at you, mouth drawn in a hard line so uncannily like his father–another person you’ve let down, you’re sure, from the messages in your phone from him sitting untouched.
“I’ll go home when I finish,” you say tersely. Or you try to. It comes out mumbled, eyes tracking across your notes.
“Yeah?” Jason asks, stepping further into the room, shadow moving in your periphery. His voice is unimpressed, and you can sense the lecture coming. “When, exactly, is that gonna be?”
“Jason,” you hiss out, raising a hand as if to say, please just don’t.
“What.” he bites out and you squeeze your eyes irritatedly.
“Look, just–I’m busy. I’ve got to work on this. Go home.”
He ignores your dismissal and moves into your line of sight, and you stare stubbornly at your notes. Even when he drops to his knees across from you, you stare as though through sheer will, the lyrics will write themselves, letters spelling out onto the pages what will bring you back to grace.
“Work on what?” he presses, and you can feel your own temper beginning to burn. “You’re dead on your feet, you’re not gonna get anything done if you can barely keep your eyes open.”
“I’m–” you try, but he grabs your pen. You grab another, clenching your jaw so hard it hurts and his temper bursts.
“Will you look at me?”
He grabs your chin, and when you look at him finally, he is wide eyed and pleading but you are too far gone, poisoned by your own words and fears. Not even he could bring you back now, you have ventured out of Elysium, where he cannot reach. You find yourself apathetic, jagged, unflinching in the face of his tears. Cruel, and someone neither you nor he know.
“What is with you?” he demands and in the yellow light he looks a little crazed, hair messed and chest heaving, eyes electric green, almost luminescent. “You don’t talk to anyone, we barely see you, you don’t answer your phone. I’ve been trying to reach you all week, I–”
His face twists and you watch angry tears splash against his cheeks. “I thought something happened to you, you fucking idiot,” he seethes. “What is it, huh? You go totally ghost on us–on me and I find you here working on–what even is this? You never keep stuff from me.”
You watch the moment you break his heart when you shrug out of his hold, crystalline eyes fracturing when you scowl. His shoulders slump and you find just another thing about yourself to loathe.
“I’m fine,” you insist, your breathing growing shallow. Red and green cloud your vision, anger and envy spilling into your every word. “You know, I have my own shit. I don’t have to tell you everything.”
He looks helpless, confusion swimming in his expression. “I…I know that.”
“Do you?” you demand and he blinks rapidly. “You wouldn’t be barging in here like you have the right to know everything I do, if you did.”
“What?” Jason questions, but you’re determined to cut him now, your own angry tears blurring your vision.
“Listen, we can’t all be great like you, okay-”
“-That’s not fair-”
“Some of us,” you say loudly, “have to put in a little work because it doesn’t come to us naturally. We can’t all be goddamn prodigies, so excuse me if I’m just trying to catch up. I thought you’d be happy that I was finally putting effort into this band.”
“Hey,” he snaps. “I’ve never said you didn’t put any effort into this band. You know that I know you work hard.”
“Then what the fuck is your problem?” you exclaim, scrambling to your feet and he follows. The both of you stand toe to toe in the studio, heat in your faces as you descend into what is the first proper argument you’ve had in years. Part of you is screaming not to let it get this far, to quit while you’re ahead, while it’s still salvageable, but it’s drowned out by the roaring in your ears.
“My problem!” Jason echoes, scoffing. “You’re the one who’s lost it.”
“I’m doing this for the band!” you roar and you swear you see lightning in his eyes, teal blazing as he bears down on you.
“That is such bullshit,” he snarls and your heart quivers in its cage. “Do what you want but don’t stand here and lie to my fucking face like all of this is about the band. This is about you!”
You stand, silent as his voice breaks, anger filling the cracks like lava. “This is about you and this…complex you have, like you can’t ever be happy because you care too much about what people have to say–people who mean nothing. And I’m here, telling you otherwise but it’s like you’re so fucking determined to not hear me–like you wanna do it alone. We’re supposed to be in this together.”
It’s a plea and a reminder. Even in his anger he begs, beseeching you to remember, like it’ll somehow get through the wall you’ve constructed between the both of you to remind you–It’s you and me, kid and clasped hands in the back of the bus and the first demo and–please remember.
All you can hear is the whir of the fan in the wake of his words. Jason stands in front of you, grief lining the features of his beautiful face and you feel as though he will never be this close ever again. You can say nothing, your own tears spilling silent, dripping onto your collar. He closes his eyes, and nods, once. The very air between you shifts and you can feel the moment your heart cleaves in two.
“You wanna do it alone,” Jason says again and he sounds very, very tired, echoing your unsaid decision. He runs a hand over his face, and you hear him take a shuddering breath. “That’s fine…I won’t stop you. I hope it makes you happy.”
He turns and walks out of the room.
At your feet, the empty pages flutter.
Steph and Roy are, as far as they’re concerned, the best friends in the world. You aren’t so convinced.
In the week that follows the end of tour, you all return home. You hear little from Jason, who only speaks in the band group chat, but you aren’t expecting anything anyway. When you recall your words that night, you flinch. His expression is burned into your mind, and you don’t think you’re likely to forget it any time soon. Steph invites you out regularly, both directly and in the group chat.
You decline. And decline. And decline.
The pages of your notes remain ever unfinished, and the walls of your writing studio grow increasingly familiar. You think you would know it blindfolded. Pale winter sunlight does not fall here except in thin, ribboned streams, and when you return upstairs, it’s long after sundown. You’re lucky to see a few hours each day before you’re descending into the studio, determined or desperate you aren’t sure.
Jason has always been quiet on social media, but all of a sudden his face is plastered everywhere. Neither of you have removed the other–you think your manager would actually cuss you out for the stir that would cause. She hadn’t been pleased at your dating, and even less pleased at your separation, brown eyes narrowing at you in a way that left you wondering why you’d hired her at all.
His brother posts a photo on their family ski trip, and your heart twinges at the unknown girl in the background tucked next to him on the couch, pretty and beaming in a way that is effortless. Jason sits beside her with a half smile playing at his lips. Her account is private, and you switch your phone off when the feeling in your chest at finding he doesn’t follow her feels a little too much like relief that you have no right to feel.
January rolls around. You ring in the New Year alone, over a spread of sheet music and Thai food.
The world is blanketed in thick, powdery ice. You leave the house when even ordering in loses its charm, craving the warmth of a meal not delivered to your door, and the wind nips at your nose. The scarf around your neck belongs to someone else, but you had reached for it instinctively, hanging around the post by your front door, on your way out. Its weight is familiar in your hands, and your jaw aches as you loop it around yourself.
Lovers huddle close together in the streets, giggling when their shoes slip against the iced over pavement, and you avert your eyes. Holiday music filters through the speakers indoors, familiar jingles you might’ve found amusement in on any other occasion. In the produce section, you stare blankly at the array of greens, and end up exiting laden with a bag of groceries you don’t remember putting into your basket.
Back outside, you linger outside the store, listless and distracted. It’s then that you hear the call of your name, and a flash of blonde hair appears in your periphery.
“Hey!” Steph chirps, smacking a kiss on your cheek affectionately, arms winding around you tightly. “I haven’t seen you in ages! I didn’t expect to see you today.”
You squirm in her embrace, feeling your face flush. “Hi, Steph,” you murmur.
She pulls away, blue eyes bright and assessing as she takes you in. She’s lovely, pink cheeked and wind bitten. You know what you must look like, pallid and a little sickly from the lack of sunlight and you fidget, self conscious.
“You look like shit,” she says baldly, and it startles a laugh out of you. She grins at the sound of it.
“Thanks, Brown,” you say dryly, feeling a little easier. “You know exactly what I wanna hear.”
“What can I say,” she shoots back just as quickly, with a wink. “It’s a gift.”
“Definitely something, that’s for sure,” you mutter, cracking a grin and the both of you settle into silence. You eye your car in the distance, parked in the lot next to a red sedan, and then your groceries.
“I should–” you start, lifting the bag, but she cuts you off.
“Come out with us tonight,” she says, an oddly intent expression on her face, and you grimace. “We’re going to the place on Broad.”
“I don’t know…I’m making dinner. Maybe another time.”
You have little interest in dressing up to go out. You have even less interest in figuring out who the ‘us’ in question encompasses. But Steph’s got an unnervingly steely look in her eyes, like she’ll refuse any no’s you give her. Her lips flatten into a line, and she takes your hand.
“I haven’t seen you in months,” she says unhappily.
“You could’ve come by,” you remind her and she levels you with a deadpan look. Would you have let me in? Goes unsaid.
“That’s not the same and you know it. I miss you,” she stresses, and you have to give it to her–she’s good. Guilt curdles in your stomach and you avert your eyes. “We miss you. I’m the one who has to deal with Roy’s complaining now you’ve decided to hide at home.”
“I’m not hiding,” you mutter lamely, and she raises her brows pointedly, as if to say, really?
“Come out with us,” she says again, squeezing your fingers.
You sigh.
The snow has begun to fall in soft, light clusters when you get out of your car, streets twinkling in soft white and yellow. A snowflake lands in your lashes and you shiver when it dissolves, a minute stream of ice water running down your cheek.
Through the window of the restaurant, you can see your band mates tucked into a booth. Steph and Roy sit on opposite sides, already squabbling over something, and your heart slows when the latter leans across the table to point out something on his phone and Jason comes into view. Tucked into the corner, he watches the exchange with bored eyes, shaking his head when Steph turns to him. Don’t bring me into this, you can already read his lips, and that old familiar ache you’ve been nursing for the last few couple of months blooms behind your ribs once more.
You’re an idiot and a coward, standing on the side of the street debating on whether or not you should just go home.
In the end, your decision is made for you when Steph spots you through the window and bounds outside, making a face at you as she loops her arm around yours.
“Were you planning to stand outside all night like a freak?” she laughs, pulling you out of the cold and into the building. The rush of heat overwhelms you, rolling over you in waves as you enter.
“No, I was just…”
“Hm?” she raises an eyebrow, waiting for your answer. When she knows you can’t come up with one, her face relaxes. “I thought so. You’re here now, so come on.”
Whatever you think is going to happen when you approach the table is severely let down when you’re simply greeted with some semblance of normalcy. It feels like a farce, when Roy stands up to wrap you up into a hug that’s near bone-crushing, and over his shoulder, Jason greets you with a nod. Your throat is dry, and you think it feels worse than being ignored outright, dipping your head back at him as best you can from the grip your red haired bandmate has you in.
It’s a far cry from the outburst you had agonised over all the way here, imagining Jason fuming at the sight of you, refusing to even look your way. You’d thought maybe he might even leave, picturing his beautiful face colouring red and storming out–he’d more than have the right to. But that isn’t him, and he makes no move to leave his seat, slouching into the booth comfortably and taking a sip of the water in front of him.
You take a seat next to Steph and the movement feels like you’re cutting through water, limbs thick and heavy with unease.
The next hour moves agonisingly slowly. You feel every second of every minute, hyperaware of your movements and avoiding Jason’s eye as you eat. The muscles in your face have never felt more rigid, plastic smile holding you together as Steph and Roy weave conversation around the both of you.
The drinks come and go, various fruity drinks and margaritas littering the tabletop alongside your food. At some point, Steph wiggles out of the booth and pats your arm drunkenly, murmuring something about having to go to the bathroom.
“Do you want me to come with?” you ask, and she grins, giggling.
“No, no, no. You stay here,” she says. Strangely excited, she squeals and smacks a kiss on your jaw. You can’t help but grin uncertainly.
“Okay…”
The moment she disappears out of sight, Roy slides out of his seat too and mutters, “Be right back. Have to ask the waiter something.”
You frown. There’s something about the way he looks at you furtively, almost defiant, that makes your stomach twist. Your suspicions are allayed and then confirmed in a matter of seconds.
Several things happen. Roy walks to the register, pulling out his card and you scowl when he points at your table. But then, instead of returning, he bee-lines for the door. When you hear a drunken cackle and see a flash of blonde hair outside, you realise you’ve been set up–Roy and Steph booking it in the direction of his car.
A text comes through on your phone almost immediately, and you can feel your temper rise when you read Steph’s message.
jason need s a ruide and u gusy need to make up
you can thank is layer xoxoxo
i wanne be godmothed
godmother
csll me tomororw
“I’m going to fucking kill her.”
“You can’t tell me you came here and expected her not to meddle.”
The sound of Jason’s voice, directed at you for the first time all night, startles you. You turn to where he’s lazily picking at the label on his beer. He looks untroubled, if a little resigned to his fate for the night.
“You knew she’d do this?” you ask, confused. He lifts his eyes and you’re pinned to the spot.
“You didn’t?” he asks, like you ought to have.
“I–of course I didn’t,” you defend yourself. He raises a brow disbelievingly and you frown at him, a noise caught in your throat. “I didn’t.”
“Okay,” he says softly. He stares back at you, and you can feel your palms beginning to sweat. For the first time since you were children, you can’t read the expression on his face.
You worry your bottom lip with your teeth as you look at him. “Guess I’m driving you home, huh?”
“I can take a cab.”
You shake your head, grabbing your bag. “Save your money. C’mon. At least they had the grace to pay the bill.”
“‘S ‘cause they know we know where they live,” he rumbles behind you as you move through the restaurant. The waitstaff throw you a smile as you exit, but you’re too frazzled to offer a plain upturn of your mouth, a weak imitation of a grin as you open the door.
“Yeah,” you say absently. “I’m just down here.”
It occurs to you, just how small the space between the both of you is, when he opens the passenger door to your car and slides in.
“Where am I dropping you off?” you ask carefully. You look over and he lets out a scoff of laughter, shaking his head, as if your question amuses him. But he answers, a wry grin playing at his lips.
“My place, thanks.”
You nod.
The radio is off, and the silence prickles across your skin uncomfortably as the car drives down the icy road. If Jason’s bothered, he says nothing. You tap your fingers across the steering wheel.
God, what a sad sight you must make.
“I, um,” you lick your lips nervously. “I saw you guys went skiing.”
“Yeah. Old man wanted to do something with the family.”
You’ve spent Thanksgiving with ‘the family’ more than once. You know Jason’s various family members–the mystery girl was decidedly not among that company.
“Right,” you say. And you suppose something in your tone must tip him off, but then again Jason had always been very good at reading you. In your periphery, he turns his head and you hear him exhale softly, a bitter chuckle.
“You don’t get to be mad,” he says. His voice is devoid of anything, light as air, as though you’re discussing the weather. But still, you’ve been caught out and it makes your face warm.
“I know,” you say, hoarsely. You clear your throat. “I know.”
“You dumped me, you know,” he reminds you and you think that “I know.” is all you know how to say, echoing it once more pathetically. Grief fills the cracks in your heart when you hear the hitch in his breath, cool facade fracturing.
He says quietly, after a few moments, “I didn’t.”
You nod, swallowing past the lump in your throat. The image in your mind had plagued you for weeks, of bodies wrapped up and kisses shared over firelight. His words are a reassurance you don’t deserve. The car turns off the highway, and you bite your lip.
Quiet blankets the car for the remainder of the drive, your engine purring as you steer the car back down familiar roads.
“Jason, I…” your voice fails you when he turns to look at you, only a few minutes away from his place. “I’m sorry. For how it all went down, how I treated you in the end. I’m sorry.”
He exhales, a ragged breath like you’ve gut him, and you swallow. Misery leaks into your voice as you continue, the words coming out far steadier than you feel.
“You didn’t deserve that from me,” you tell him, gripping the steering wheel and looking over. The car comes to a stop outside his building, and you turn the key, the engine shutting off as you swivel in your seat to face him fully. “I should never have lashed out like at you, not when you were just trying to help.”
He sniffs, and even in the dark you can see the sheen in his eyes. His lips part, tongue darting out to wet his lips.
“Just…” he rasps out, frowning at you. “Why’d you push me away? Wasn’t I good enough? We’re supposed to be partners. You promised me–you remember?”
“I remember,” you say gloomily.
“Then why?” he demands. “You said it was you and me and then all of a sudden you’re closing yourself off. I wouldn’t have cared, y’know, if you were writing your own shit without me. Even if you didn’t wanna tell me. But you pushed me out.” He stresses the last three words, and you can only stare back wretchedly.
“Why?” he whispers.
Your mouth opens and falls, searching for the words and the courage to say them.
“I was jealous.”
The silence in the car is deafening, Jason staring back at you, shell-shocked. Whatever answer he was expecting, this clearly was not it.
“What?” he murmurs.
“I was jealous,” you admit woefully, picking at your nails. You tell him then, about the review, about the words and the sense of failure. “I mean, that’s what it was, at first. Jealousy. That at the same time they had all these things to say about me, they were loving you. It felt unfair. And then–and then I realised I was being selfish, ‘cause of course they were going to love you. Everything they said about you was true, it’s what I’ve been saying for years and you deserved that.”
His brows are furrowed still, as he listens to you, eyes growing stormier with every word. Your hands tremble as you continue carefully.
“And then, after that…” you trail off, staring at the console between you both. Shame colours your words, voice dropping steadily as you speak. “I thought, if I could just improve, I’d be doing something right. If I could just catch up to you guys, instead of dragging you down. I’d be someone worth doing it with.”
Jason’s eyes are tearful once more, winter fires raging on in teal seas. He shoots you a frown so fierce as he speaks, voice cracking.
“That’s bullshit.”
“What?–”
He leans back in his seat, hands coming up to his face, scrubbing at the skin. He groans and the sound is muffled by his palms. You watch him, humiliation burning your skin from the inside.
“You are so fucking stupid, do you know that?” he tells you, sounding anguished, and you break, tears crowding your lashline slipping forth and down your face.
“You’ve never, not for one moment, been not good enough,” he tells you angrily. “The fact that you thought you had to earn–to catch up. ‘Be someone worth doing it with’ what the fuck does that even mean? You’ve always been the one we all look to.”
You bring your hands up to cover your face, now openly weeping silently but he catches your wrists in his, the movement drawing you closer to him. You gaze at him through your tears, waterlogged and beautiful. His eyes search yours and he shakes his head, exasperated.
“The fuck ‘m I supposed to do with you, huh?” he asks, tilting forward to press his forehead to yours. “What’ve I gotta do to get it into your head that you don’t have to go it alone?”
“I’m sorry,” you whimper, eyes slipping closed and his breath skitters across your cheek, nose pressing into the skin. You can smell the beer on him, and the cologne you’d gotten him last holidays, so close you can feel the heat radiating off him.
“It’s not enough, for me to tell you, is it?” he says, and then he’s tugging at your arms. “Get over here.”
Your eyes fly open to stare at him, startled, confused, but there’s no softness in his gaze. He looks at you, eyes steely and firm, head tilting as if to say, well? What are you waiting for?
“What?” you garble, confused.
“Get over here,” he repeats, and only then do you notice the dangerously low tone his voice has taken on, the darkness of his pupils as they swallow his irises. “Gonna teach you somehow.”
A shiver skates down your spine, and your hands tremble with anticipation as you reach for the console to balance yourself, rising onto your knees shakily and clumsily climbing across the space until you’re in his lap. He nods, leaning below him to move his seat backwards, and you clutch onto his shoulders as the both of you move.
“Someone might see,” you whisper, and he stares up at you, faintly amused.
“Baby,” he says, laughter in his voice, and you soften at the sound, fingers scratching at the nape of his neck. His fingers rub at your hip where your top has lifted. “Take a look around. ‘S the middle of the night, nobody’s awake to see us.”
True enough, the complex Jason lives in is canopied in thick onyx, the quiet street so still you’d be hard pressed to believe anyone lived there at all. You look back to him, shadows turning him sharper, tear tracks smudged below his eyes and marble cut features.
“You gonna listen to me?” he rumbles, chin tilted to look at you.
You wait, heart beating in your chest, and then you nod. You see a flash of his grin, and then he’s surging upwards to capture your mouth in his, all teeth and tongue as he devours.
Your blood turns molten at the first touch, his thick hands tugging your hips down into his and pressing you closer as he licks into your mouth. The heating has turned off but you’re far from cold, the air thickening as you whimper into his mouth.
“Fuckin…” he groans, and you cry out when his mouth slides across to latch onto your neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “Missed this s’much.”
“Jason,” you sob out, and he rasps out a laugh, rolling his hips upwards. “Jason, I–”
“What, baby?” he hums, lips detaching from your neck with a wet pop. You’re delirious, drunk on the touch you hadn’t felt in months, spending lonely nights reaching out for only to be met with the crushing emptiness of unoccupied space. “Y’miss me? Huh? ‘S that it?”
You whine in response, nodding. He laughs, but it’s a mean sound and it shoots straight to your core, muscles tightening at the sound.
“No going back after this, hope you know that,” he tells you lowly, tugging at the waistband of your pants. “Off. Need to be inside you.”
You scramble for your button, rising again to tug them off in awkward jerky movements that lack any sort of grace. But Jason doesn’t seem to care, more concerned with the zip of his own jeans, shoving his jeans down roughly and stroking his already hard cock.
He sinks into you in one fluid movement, a groan filling the car as he fills you, stretching you out deliciously. You choke on a gasp, and he stills for a moment, before he’s setting his feet flat on the floor of your car and using that to fuck up into you, rapid, sloppy movements that are desperate and rough. Each thrust has you seeing stars, and you’re scrabbling for his shoulders for some sort of balance, but your arms weaken as he drags along every sensitive part of you.
“Never…fuck…never letting y’go again,” he grits through his teeth, “Had me losing my damn mind. You’re always gonna be mine, you know that. Always. Been. Mine.”
Your breath stutters in your chest when his hands come to your hips, gripping your flesh as he bounces you over his cock, a slew of curses spilling from his lips. “Who do you belong to?”
“You–you! I’m yours,” you cry out.
“You need me to fuck some sense into you, hm?” he snarls. “Is that what I’ve gotta do? To get it through your fuckin’ head? Tell me.”
“Yes, yes!” you sob out, his name leaving your mouth in a broken cry.
“Yeah?” his voice drops, condescending and utterly mean. “You’re gonna let me take care of you now? Not gonna argue w’me?”
“Jason I–I’m close,” you squeal, fingers biting into his shoulders and he huffs.
“Not until you answer me,” he says, slapping your ass. “You’re not gonna fucking cum until I tell you.”
He doesn’t slow down, despite this, thrusts growing deeper. The car windows have fogged up, and you’ve not taken any care to quiet down–although nobody is around to see you, they most certainly are around to hear you. But it’s difficult to focus when Jason reaches down between your bodies to rub your clit. You keen, a high pitched sound expelling from your throat and when he sinks his teeth into the skin of your shoulder, your eyes roll back, overwhelmed by the sensations all around and within you.
“What did I say?”
“Please! Oh fuck, Jason, yes right there,” you mewl, tears burning your eyes once more. Your hips roll downwards, meeting his thrusts.
A large hand comes to grab your chin, firm as the other settles on your hip. You look at him through bleary eyes, sweat matting his hair to his forehead and a flush painting him red that even in the pale moonlight you can make sense of, eyes blazing as he stares at you.
“Say it,” he commands, and you pant into his mouth. “Tell me you’re gonna let me take care of you. ‘s all you gotta say, baby, be good for me, I know you can.”
“‘M gonna let you–” you cry. “Gonna let you take care of me! I’m sorry, please.”
“Yeah?” he grunts, and you nod your head rapidly, feeling your stomach beginning to tighten up. “Y’gonna stop doubting yourself so fucking much? Gonna stop pushing me away?”
“Y-yes!”
“Swear,” he says, and you sob, feeling the tears beginning to stream down your face. It’s stifling in the car, and you’re desperate, but Jason has you ensnared–you won’t come before he lets you. “Swear it t’me.”
“I swear. I swear, Jason,” you gasp. Sweat rolls down your back, your top clinging to you. Jason’s shirt is soaked through, and when you tip your head down, you grow lightheaded at the sight of the mess you’ve both made, white smeared across the inside of your thighs and his stomach. Lewd sounds echo in the small space of your car as you bounce on his cock, and Jason–
“Come for me,” he breathes out harshly, hand slipping from your chin once more to swipe at your clit in broad, firm strokes. In a matter of seconds, you fall apart on him, and he follows soon after, hips stuttering as he empties himself inside you with a loud moan.
You fall forward limply and he catches you easily in his arms, the both of you breathing heavily. You’re boneless against him, sticky and covered in sweat, and when you go to move off him, his arms around you tighten.
“I meant what I said,” you whisper into the silence of the car, cheek pressed against his shoulder. “About you deserving that recognition. ‘M sorry I was such a dick.”
“I wish you’d just talked to me,” he tells you softly, and now you’re the one clutching him a little tighter, fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt like he’ll disappear from under you if you look away. “‘S you and me, remember?”
“I forgot for a moment there,” you admit and he breathes out through his nose, a sardonic laugh as if to say yeah, I know, “but I remember.”
“I’m still mad at you,” he says, quietly and you twist your lips in an effort not to cry. “I love you, baby, but that was the worst few months of my life.”
“I’m sorry,” you can only say again. He kisses your temple, and it feels like a step towards forgiveness. “I’m gonna make it up to you.”
“Good,” he says firmly. “I’m never letting you go, you hear me?”
When you look up, there’s a grin on his face and you lean up to press your mouth to his. It’s chaste, and sweet, softer than your reunion and holding every promise you intend to keep to him, old and new.
“It’s you and me.”
this took me 2 weeks to write and i didn't think it would be this long. like i thought maybe it might reach 4K? but somehow this managed to become my longest fic!! crazy. i do currently have a longer wip in my drafts that i'm working on but this is one of the longest oneshot fics i've ever written which is mad and i'm kind of thrilled about.
i hope you enjoyed this fic and guitarist!jason and reader's breakup -> reunion. i tweaked the reunion a bit from the initial post i made about it, because i think it just fit better in the moment, but i hope you enjoyed that too! and i hope you don't hate the reader too much for the whole breakup because they genuinely have my entire heart. i think sometimes you get caught up in wanting to be the best that you don't realise you already are good enough to the people that matter – to jason, reader is everything and it's baffling that they don't see that. but i hope i did their reunion justice.
267 notes
·
View notes