#but i feel so goddamn alone and it's driving me crazy i feel so upset whenever i'm by myself or not actively talking to someone

[toxicanonymity]

can you do really like possessive joel. like she posts a pic of herself in a skin tight dress or bathing suit and joel literally makes her delete it. joel would be like “why should anyone else but me see that?” or he’s like “are u upsetting me on purpose, baby?” ykwim like manipulating possessive joel

Snapchat

1.1k, stepdad!Joel x f!reader

stepdad master | joel master

SUMMARY: You snapchat Joel some steamy videos and his responses are sexy. Then you show up at his house and before you go inside, you post a pic on insta that he thinks should be just for him.

NSFW 18+ big girthy legal age gap, possessive!Joel, sexting, stepcest, mutual masturbation, vaginal fingering, angst/guilt

A/N: Instagram but can be read alone. NEXT: Uber

After you caught Joel jerking off to your instagram and made him finish in front of you, you texted him, “no one uses instagram anymore. you should get snapchat” and gave him your username.  

Now, a few times a week, you’ll snap him something sexy.  It's nothing explicit, just enough skin to drive him crazy. More skin than instagram.  His reaction is always hot.   Sometimes just a chat like “wish I could put my head between those legs” or “why do you have to be so goddamn hot?”  Sometimes a selfie with that dark, horny look in his eye.  Or a POV shot of a bulge in his pants. One time he sends a video  where he’s just shaking his head slowly and says “you dunno what you’re doin’ to me baby,” then takes a deep breath and says “god damn,” and his arm starts moving slowly with his hand off screen in his lap. 

He doesn't realize you can see his screenshot activity until you tell him and he responds with a 😳. That sets off an ongoing casual text dialogue, and it would feel like you’re “talking,” if it weren’t for him being married to your mother. 

You frequently think about his cock, and his hand wrapped around it, and the hunger in his eyes as he looked at you.  Even more than that, you think about the way he helped you finish without even touching you.  Especially the way he rubbed his own inner thigh.  Almost every time you come, you end up thinking about his big veiny hand slowly stroking his pants right next to his package, eating you with his eyes while he watches you touch yourself.   

-

Thinking about it isn’t enough.  You need him to touch you, and you want to find out whether he needs to touch you just as bad.  You stop sending him sexy pictures on snapchat.  He’s a little needy but you don’t relent. You stop by their house when you know he’ll be alone, and when you get there, you post a swimsuit picture to instagram.  When you go inside, he’s in the office and has your instagram pulled up.  You lean against the door frame wearing the same swimsuit under a long cover up.    

He turns around and says, “What is this about, sweetie?”

“Thought you liked seeing me.”

“Does everyone have to?” he asks.  He’s trying to be nice but he’s annoyed. 

“Why do you care? If you can’t touch me, no one can even see me?

He sighs.  “So you’re punishing me for not cheating on your mom?”

You walk into the office and lean against the wall to his side. “It’s a picture.  What’s the big deal?”

He gets up from the chair and your eyes fall on the bulge in his pants as he walks toward you and doesn’t stop until he’s right up against you, poking you with his hard package, sending a bolt of desire right through you.  He brings his lips to your ear.   “This what you want? You’ve made your point. Now delete it.”   He goes back to the desk and sits down. 

“Delete it or what?”

“Or this is over. No texting, no snapchat. If you’re not mature enough not to punish me. . .”

Your face burns. How dare he. . . 

“You can delete it yourself,”  you say.  “If you rub one out right now.”  You take off the swimsuit cover up, slip off your sandals, and sit on his desk right in front of him.  

He looks back and forth between your breasts then down your body.  “You’re tryin’ to kill me.”  

He leans back in the chair and his hand rests right against his inner thigh, giving you a Pavlovian burst of arousal.  Your clit twitches.   

He frees his stiff member from his pants and holds out his hand for you to spit in. Filthy.  You grab his hand and lick it instead of spitting on it, then take his fingers into your mouth two at a time and suck before finally spitting in his palm.  

“We both know you have lotion down here,” you say. 

“He glares at you as he pumps himself slowly.  You  lean back on his desk, and he inhales deeply.  He rolls the chair back, either to get a better view or because he doesn’t trust himself.  

You clench your thighs. 

He asks, “you’re not gonna . . . ?”

“Do you want me to?”

“You know damn well I do.”  He keeps choking his hard cock, devouring the view.    

You slowly ghost your clit over your bathing suit. 

He breathes heavily, moans, and his eyes seem a little heavier with each stroke.  “Show me,” he says.” 

You pull your swimsuit to the side, partly exposing yourself, and glide your fingers up and down your wet seam, poking under your swimsuit.  He groans and looks like he could cry.   You spread your legs and expose yourself entirely.  

“Fuuuck,” he exhales and looks to the ceiling for a beat before returning his gaze between your legs where you’re stroking yourself with two fingers.  He scans your entire body then says, “put one in.”

“No,” you reply.  

“You get off on bein’ a brat?”

“Want a finger in me that bad, do it yourself.”  You slide down so you’re leaning against the desk, still partly on it, stroking your wet folds and clit, getting so wound up you can hardly stand not having his hands on you.  

He stares at you for a long ten seconds, chest rising and falling, his strokes becoming faster.  Meanwhile your own climax is looming closer and larger every minute.  

“Fuck,” he says with resignation in his eyes. He stands up, steps forward and his free hand engulfs your dripping seam while he inhales your hair and stands right up against you.  He rubs your slick, throbbing cunt with three flattened fingers as he pumps himself with his other hand.  You tilt your head up to watch his brows furrow even more.  He plunges a finger into you, and right away he shudders as his cum spills into his other hand.  He curls his finger inside you and his thumb works your clit and it doesn’t take long until you’re clenching around his one, thick finger, saying “Ah, fuck. . . Joel, yeah. . .”

“Don’t say my name like that," he pants and reaches for a tissue.  

Your temples feel weak. 

“. . .I won’t ever stop hearin’ it.”  

You put your cover-up back on.  

He sits down in the chair, looks at the ceiling and says, “Damn it.”  

“What?”

He bows his head and slowly shakes it. He won't look at you.  He doesn’t have to say it.  You try not to think about it. 

True to your word, you pull up the instagram photo and hand him your phone.  He checks the likes on the picture and goes to every guy’s profile.  His eyes darken.  

“Guess you’re right,” he admits.  “Don’t want anyone else to have ya. . . ”  He deletes the picture and looks at you regretfully, making eye contact for the first time since he finished.  “I know it’s not fair.”  He hands the phone back.   “I dunno what to tell ya, sweetie. . . I’m sorry.”  

All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxiousus @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime  @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fic #joel miller fic #toxicanonymity ☠️ #joel miller fanfiction #horny!joel #stepcest #step-cest #stepdad!joel #horny!joel miller #pervy!joel miller #pervy!joel #perv!joel #stepdad!joel☠️ #joel jacks off #PPCU jacks off #PPCU jacks off ☠️

[cheeyathebard]

Welcome to my Nightmare

Pitch Perfect SpookFest Day 2

A fluffy little Halloween tale!

According to Beca Mitchell, her best friend Chloe (with her soft, red hair... infinitely kind, piercing blue eyes... amazing body... and need to give people hugs and affection all the time), was the one person who brought her the most joy in her life.

After her parents’ divorce, teenaged Beca had decided to not let anyone in again because it was too painful when they inevitably let her down.

Except Chloe never had.

Ever.

And now Beca found herself sucked into the redhead’s perfection; which was so fucking scary, it was nightmarish!

“Here, I brought you a beer. You looked like you could use one when you came through the front door,” Chloe said as she bounced into Beca’s bedroom and dropped onto the bed next to her, handing her a yellow cup. She was dressed in short shorts and a tank top that left very little to the imagination. Not that Beca was looking or anything. Because ogling your incredibly gorgeous best friend would be creepy.

“But...” Beca looked at the cup she’d taken without thinking. “This is your special cup. Don’t YOU want to use it?”

“Meh,” the older woman shrugged, then leaned forward and kissed the brunette’s cheek. “You know I don’t mind sharing my cup with you.” She beamed a smile then and rested her head on Beca’s shoulder. “Now, want to tell me what’s going on?”

The younger woman blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I MEAN,” Chloe said pointedly. “That I know you better than you know yourself... and I know you love Halloween... but you’ve been squirreled away up here alone this evening while the rest of the Bellas have been finishing the decorating of the house. Something is clearly wrong.”

Beca immediately retreated behind her ‘I’m definitely not in love with Chloe’ wall. “Nothing’s wrong, Chlo.” I’m not in the least bit upset that you kissed that stupid guy at that stupid costume party last night, dammit! “I guess I’m just not feeling it so much this year.”

“Halloween is totally your favorite holiday. Why aren’t you feeling it?” The redhead tilted her head then. “Wait... are you missing Jesse?”

“NO!” Beca exclaimed, then cleared her throat sheepishly. “No... well... maybe I miss my friend, Jesse. But I don’t miss him as my boyfriend.”

“Good,” Chloe muttered but then quickly changed the subject as the brunette looked at her in surprise. “I think you should come downstairs and help me finish decorating the Halloween tree.”

Beca snorted. “Only Chloe Beale would feel the need to have a Halloween tree. I should have seen it coming.”

“Hey,” the redhead pouted playfully. “Be nice or I’ll take my cup back.”

“I don’t feel like being nice,” Beca said, descending into a sudden sulkiness that was ridiculously dramatic, even for her.

“Hey,” Chloe said again, this time gently. “I know there’s something wrong, Beca. You can talk to me, you know.”

“Actually...” the younger woman murmured. “I... I can’t talk to you about this. I’m sorry, Chloe.”

Light blue eyes lowered for a long moment, then lifted slowly. “You can tell me anything,” the older woman said. “Even if you might think it’s something I... may not want to hear.”

“Thing is...” Beca said slowly. “I really don’t think it IS something you’d want to hear.” I’m bisexual and in love with you. How’s that for a mic drop, Bestie?!

“God... sometimes you’re so...” Chloe got up off the bed, pacing agitatedly. “ANNOYING!”

“Annoying?” Beca shot back indignantly, hand pressed to her chest.

“YES! ANNOYING!” the redhead reiterated. “You’re sooo closed off sometimes and it drives me crazy!”

The brunette blinked disbelievingly, then waved her hands around like a lunatic. “NOT EVERYONE IS SUNSHINE AND KINDNESS AND GODDAMN PERFECTION ALL THE DAMN TIME, LIKE YOU ARE, CHLOE!!”

“AND MY TRYING TO SPREAD HAPPINESS IS A BAD THING?! REALLY????” Chloe’s fists were perched on her hips and her face was pinched in a scowl. Beca had never seen anything as hot in her life and overwhelming heat moved through her, robbing her of her internal filter.

“YES!” she yelled back, emotions finally snapping.  “IT’S A NIGHTMARE BECAUSE YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU EVERY DAMN DAY!!!” There was sudden silence in the room and the redhead’s hands slowly fell from her hips as her face gentled and a little smile lifted her lips. Beca froze, staring like a deer in headlights as she realized what she’d said. ”Um...” she whispered then. “I’m sorry... I...”

But Chloe was already moving closer and cupping Beca’s face between her palms. “Welcome to MY nightmare,” she grinned, then closed the distance between them to leave a lingering kiss on the brunette’s lips. But one wasn’t enough, and she went back for more, leaning into it as she felt Beca respond with a flick of her tongue. The kiss deepened and, after long moments of gasped breathing and quiet moans, they stood in each other’s arms with their foreheads pressed together and eyes closed for a long span of pounding heartbeats. “So... maybe we can make it a dream come true?” Chloe added then, as she gazed at the younger woman, blue eyes speaking volumes.

“Yeah... I’d... I’d really love that, Chlo,” Beca replied with a tiny nod, totally drowning in the loving regard.

“Me too,” the redhead grinned, wrapping her arms soundly around the smaller woman and rocking them gently. “Happy Halloween, Bec.”

Beca melted into her, dropping little kisses on her neck as she curled her hand around its nape and softly caressed. “Happy Halloween, Chlo.”

#ppsf22.2 #bechloe #chloe beale #beca mitchell #pitch perfect spookfest 2022

[bpdstevenuniverse]

my dad reassures me he'll always have my back and a home to go, BUT on the condition i don't "mistreat" him.

except "mistreatment", to my dad, usually refers to someone getting angry with him. like, at all. if you cry and raise your voice at him, you're definitely and unfairly attacking my poor dad who hasn't done anything wrong. you have absolutely no reason to get upset with him. he's not any of the things you said he is. it's all in your head.

there's also the fact my dad compares me to my mom when i have said reaction. my mom, however, is way more intense than me. she's a lot more impulsive, so she never thinks through anything she says. my mom calls him very crude words, and accuses him of being an insensitive monster that purposely wants to ruin her life, that he wants to starve her and especially me since we live together. my mom has said time and time again that my dad ruined my life. that, and she might also resort to physical violence when her words don't get through to him.

as for me, i also explode and cry and raise my voice, but i have literally never cursed at my dad. i never called him an asshole or anything as heavy as what my mom tells him. if i ever did, it must've been once and i never did it again. i never once hit my dad, either. well, mainly because i'm terrified of him, but i still have enough of a rational mind, my internal moral code to stop me from going too far. the only exception was when i was under an aggressive manic episode last year, yet even then i never laid a finger on my father.

regardless, he thinks i'm "crazy" like my mom. he refuses to believe i have any reason to be upset with him. except my dad is in fact a fucking asshole. he's egocentric, extremely rational, insensitive, bigoted, rude, manipulative, threatening, and VERY petty and vengeful. what usually drives me and my mom, and very rarely my brother furious is his stupid fucking passive aggressive comments. on top of that, he talks badly about you behind your back; he's always talking shit about my mom and my brother when i'm alone with him, and i bet he does the same to me when he's with my brother.

he's so fucking petty that it's an absurd to me that a reputed, leftist journalist on his goddamn fifties can be so immature and close-minded. he wants to silence all three of us, but especially my mom and i since we're usually the ones who call him out.

we're not crazy. i'm not crazy. i'm fucking sick of him making me feel like i am.

#trauma #childhood trauma #cptsd #gaslighting #physical abuse #ableism tw #ableist language tw #actuallybpd #venting #personal #my journal #long post

[ganseyonfilm]

i'm actually feeling so 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 rn i just . why!

#excuse me for the following tags that are simply gonna be me complaining #but i feel so goddamn alone and it's driving me crazy i feel so upset whenever i'm by myself or not actively talking to someone #like ive mentioned briefly my boyfriend's friend is staying at his for a few days and it's gonna be longer than i thought #and like.... he's such a great friend and i know his friend really needs this break from his own home life so i'm glad my boyfriend is #providing that for him but my boyfriend was like we can still video call if you want #and i was like no really you two should spend some time together i want you to have fun etc. and he was like no it's not a bother #so he called me and then i just sat there in awkward silence for two hours whilst they played games together and stuff #and i dont have a problem with that but dont say it's not a bother and call me if youre not gonna talk to me yk #plus i had a really bad day yesterday so i was just overall not feeling great #and i couldnt even bring myself to speak up and say okay im gonna go now so i just . sat there #and it's so humiliating and embarrassing and i feel so so silly #like the past few days have just really solidified the fact that i'm not anyone's first priority yk #like im never on people's minds nobody checks in #and i go to stay with my boyfriend literally next week for an indefinite amount of time but i dont wanna go if i'll be feeling like this #because he already goes out with his friends enough as it is so i dont wanna get in the way of that #to summarise this just amplifies my issues of feeling like a burden having no friends being nobodies first choice feeling lonely etc. #anyway enough ranting i just needed to explode somewhere for a second bc im sad and lonely lol

[theclawofaraven]

addicted - baekhyun au - part 3 (m)

pairing: singer! baekhyun x reader

genre: angst, slow burn, light fluff, slice of life, smut, mutual pining

words: 4.7K

warnings: cursing, angst, smut, face-sitting, alcohol consumption

a/n: and as promised part 3 is here. thank you to the sweetest peeps who respond and give me love! if you’re reading this know i love you ;) any kind of feedback or suggestion is appreciated!

part 3

Y/N’s POV

It had been almost two weeks since Baekhyun left, and I was rather surprised by the lack of contact we had since then. I sent him a simple “goodbye” text the day he left, but he never said anything back. This confused me as I didn’t think I’d done anything to piss him off, and he seemed pretty interested in me, but maybe I was wrong. He probably had someone to replace me wherever it is he went to and didn’t care about me anymore. That’s probably what it is, I decided. I was just someone to fuck around with while he was away. Not that I was overly upset about this; after all, that’s what it was supposed to be anyways.

So it definitely came as a surprise when I finished work and saw a text from him:

‘I miss you’

This was definitely strange coming from someone who was avoiding contact for well over a week. I didn’t even know how to respond; I missed him too, but it was his fault for not responding to me in the first place.

‘really? I thought you were pissed off at me considering your lack of response when you left’, I texted back once I arrived home, feeling a little agitated because I knew the only reason why he was initiating contact now was because he wanted someone to sleep with.

‘I know, and I probably shouldn’t be texting you now anyways but I can’t help it’

‘so why are you then? none of your other fuck buddies free?’

‘please. it’s not hard for me to find someone to sleep with. I’d just rather it be you Y/N. I need to see you’

At this point I wanted to roll my eyes back into my head and just leave the conversation at that, but I responded anyways:

‘not sure if you’ve noticed, but you’re quite far away from me so that’s not going to work very well. find someone else’

It took a little longer for a reply from him this time.

‘whoa, okay? why are you so bitter?’

By then I was livid. How could someone be so goddamn dense? I thought as I typed out a text back.

‘I’m bitter because it took you two weeks to respond to my fucking text and the only reason why you’re responding to me now is because you’re horny. fuck you seriously’

A few minutes passed and I still hadn’t received a text back from him. I assumed he finally got the point and decided to leave me alone.

Apparently I was wrong.

My phone began ringing, and I looked down to see who I already anticipated it would be.

“What?” I answered angrily.

“Look, I’m sorry if I pissed you off, but even if you don’t wanna fuck again I don’t want to leave things on bad terms.” Baekhyun spoke, his voice slurring a bit. “The reason why I didn’t text you back was because I was trying to cut things off with you. Seulgi made it pretty clear that she didn’t want me around you, and the easiest way I could think of was avoidance. That didn’t work because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’m obsessed with the thought of you Y/N. Specifically the thought of you underneath me.”

“Are you drunk?” I asked him after I processed all that information, unable to think of anything else to say.

I heard him exhale, a long pause following. “That’s not really important. Are… Umm… Are you still pissed off?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Fair enough,” he laughed. “I’m sorry for making you mad.”

“You should really get some sleep, B,” I said, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” he paused for a while, and I thought he might have hung up until he finally spoke. “Can I see you again?”

“By see you mean fuck, right?” I asked.

He laughed for a second time. “Maybe. I just want to see you again. I’m sorry for being such a douchebag but I just… I can’t get you off my mind and it’s driving me crazy.”

“Sleep this off and we’ll see if you still want me in the morning. Goodnight, B.” I responded, ending the call before he could say anything else.

Sighing, I set my phone down on my end table, crawling into bed. Suddenly, I heard my door creak open, a dull light illuminating the floor in front of it. I could see the outline of someone standing there, and it took a minute before they spoke.

“Are you okay?”

I moved my arm over my face, blocking out the light. “I’m fine, Seulgi. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just heard-“

“I’m fine,” I spoke, my tone slightly annoyed, “Just… Leave me alone.”

“Okay…” she trailed off, giving up on trying to get me to say anything. “We’ll talk in the morning. Goodnight Y/N.”

With that, she closed the door behind her, and I heard her go down the hall to her room, the door opening and closing. I closed my eyes once again, trying to block out all the thoughts of Baekhyun running through my head. Eventually, I fell into a restless sleep.

I woke up the next morning, hearing my phone buzzing on my end table. Reaching over, I glanced at the screen to see that I had received a new text. Of course, it was from Baekhyun.

‘I’m sober now and guess what? I still want you’

I couldn’t stop the laughter rising in my chest. I was in disbelief at how desperate he was, especially since he didn’t exactly come across as the type to behave in this manner.

‘and I’m still far far away from you’ I texted back.

‘I need to get you underneath me somehow’

‘you’re being unrealistic’

‘can you at least send me some pictures then? ;)’

I laughed to myself, setting my phone back on the table, not replying. Picturing him waiting for my response that wasn’t coming anytime soon contented me in a sick, twisted sort of way.

I rolled out of bed, stretching before wandering out into the kitchen. Seulgi stood at the counter, her back towards me. As she heard me approaching, she turned around, looking me up and down.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

I shrugged indifferently, reaching above her to pull down a coffee mug from the cupboard, filling it up from the freshly brewed pot. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I took a small sip of my black coffee as she eyed me curiously, as if trying to find a hint in my expression or body language that I was not telling the truth.

“Well, I mean last night…” she trailed off. “You sounded pretty upset on the phone. Were you talking… Were you talking to B?”

I nodded, climbing onto one of the bar stools at the small island in the middle of the kitchen. “Yeah, I was.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, what now?” Seulgi asked, rolling her eyes in disapproval. Her tone made me a little angry.

“It’s nothing. He just… He wants to see me again,” I responded truthfully, regretting it the instant it came out of my mouth because I knew it would result in an argument.

“Seriously?” her voice was raised in disbelief. “And do you want to see him again?”

I shrugged, sipping on my coffee again. “Maybe, I guess. I don’t know, I-“

She cut me off abruptly. “Oh, fuck, Y/N. Please.”

“What?” I became slightly defensive. “What’s the harm in hooking up?”

The fact that she was getting so pissed off made me want to rebel against her even more. I was getting sick of her treating me like a child, and it was only further fueling my already pretty strong desire to climb back in bet with Baekhyun.

“What’s the harm in hooking up?” she reiterated, a single laugh expelling from her chest. “There’s no harm, Y/N, except it’s with him. I fucking told you this already, and I’m not going to tell you again. Go be stupid and sleep with him again, I don’t fucking care anymore.”

“Seriously, fuck you Seulgi,” I practically spat at her, pushing myself away from the island, getting down and stomping back to my room. She followed me, standing in the doorway.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked me as I typed away on my phone.

“Go away,” I muttered, pressing send on the message.

‘maybe I’ll just give you the real thing’

Not even an hour later, after finding out that Baekhyun was now back home, I arrived in Bucheon. I couldn’t fucking believe that I had given in, again; after all, pissing Baekhyun off with the fact that he couldn’t see me made me incredibly pleased with myself, but I couldn’t deny that I needed him probably almost as much as he was letting on he needed me. After wandering around for a few moments, trying to find his frame in the crowds of people in our meeting spot, I finally spotted him. I began walking toward him, and he caugh sight of me as well. As I got closer to him, I noticed the slight smirk forming on his face.

He grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to him, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “What made you change your mind?”

I half-shrugged, my breath still caught in my throat as I looked up at him, his gaze fixed on me.  “I…”

He laughed, and the sound of it made me want to jump him in the middle of the street. “Shit, I don’t care why, I’m just glad you did.”

“Can we… Uh… Can we leave please?” I stuttered, clutching the strap of my bag closer to me.

“You’re the cutest thing, seriously,” he murmured, his hand moving to my face, cupping my cheek before letting it fall. I felt my heart racing, which confused me. I didn’t think I was that nervous, but then again, Baekhyun did intimidate me a bit. I hated that he made me feel this way. “Alright, lets’ go.”

We made our way into his car. After driving for a few minutes, I felt his hand make its way onto my thigh. I instinctively pushed it away. “Stop that.”

He chuckled, brushing his thumb across it. “Stop what?”

“Can you just keep both hands on the steering wheel and drive please?” I asked, grabbing his hand and forcing it off of me. It pissed me off that whenever I had the slightest upper hand, he always found a way to take over again. Just as I thought I had some sort of handle on him, there he was to prove that he was the one in control.

He glanced over at me, shaking his head before dramatically clenching the steering wheel with both hands. “Better?”

“You’re stupid,” I mumbled, looking out the window.

He laughed loudly as he turned into a parking lot. “Alright, we’re here, anyways.”

After we got out of the car, we made our way into the building and onto an elevator, going all the way to the top floor.

“A penthouse apartment?” I spoke in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

As I took it all in, I almost felt somewhat embarrassed of mine and Seulgi’s tiny, humble apartment.

He shrugged, “It’s nice enough, I guess. I’m not home enough to enjoy it, really.”

I shook my head. “This is insane.”

I walked further in, observing the elaborate living room.

He suddenly grabbed my waist, catching me off guard. “You know what’s really insane? The fact that you still haven’t let me kiss you yet and I’ve been in your presence for like a half hour.”

I laughed, standing on my tiptoes as I tangled my fingers in his hair. “You’re right.”

“Mhmmmm,” he mumbled as he pressed his lips against mine.

I pushed him down onto a nearby couch, climbing onto his lap, not once breaking the kiss.

“Shit,” he breathed against my lips as I moved my hips against his. He made quick work pulling off my shirt and removing my bra, tossing them both to the side. Shortly after, his shirt joined my clothing items in the growing pile on the floor. He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him so our chests were pressed together.

I shifted away slightly, biting his bottom lip, unbuckling his blet and sliding my hand into his pants.

“Fuck, that’s it,” he groaned, picking me up off of him and throwing me down onto the couch.

He climbed on top of me, his mouth quickly finding mine again. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I reached up to grab his head once more. He stopped me, taking me by surprise as he threaded his fingers through mine, pinning my hands onto the couch.

“Baekhyun,” I complained, struggling to release myself from his grip. He simply laughed, his mouth moving down my neck, trailing light kisses before his teeth sunk in at about the exact same spot as before, sucking lightly. His one hand released its grip, and he slowly moved it down my body, pushing off my shorts and underwear. The other hand settled on my waist, holding me in place.

“Oh, fuck,” I felt my breath hitch as he slid a finger inside me. Soon, he added a second, and I moaned, gripping his hair tightly as he slowly moved them in and out.

“I’m gonna stop,” he spoke, looking down at me.

“Oh, B. Don’t stop,” I sighed, my grip tightening. “Please don’t.”

He chuckled, removing his fingers and a slight unvoluntary whimper fell from my lips as a result of the loss. He brought the fingers up to his mouth, sucking them. “Mmmm, relax.”

“Holy shit,” I threw a hand over my face, averting my gaze.

“What?” he asked, taking my hand away.

“You are so fucking sexy and I just… I want… Whoa,” I stopped myself, realizing that I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

���What do you want?” he questioned me, and I felt my whole body flush. “I want to sit on your face,” I stated bluntly, surprised with my confidence.

His jaw dropped, and his startled expression was soon replaced with that smirk; one that I had both grown to love and hate at the same time. “Wow, well okay.”

He laid back, grabbing my hips and positioning my body over his face.

“Wait, oh my God, Baekhyun,” I laughed in disbelief. “I didn’t really mean it!”

“Nuh-uh,” he chuckled. “You asked for it.”

He slowly flicked his tongue against me, and I moaned loudly, all uncertainty dissipating. “Oh, B. Oh Baekhyun.”

He laughed against me, which only increased the sensation. “Jesus Christ, Y/N. You said you wanted to sit on my face, so sit.” He grasped my hips, pulling me down to his face.

“Oh my fuck- holy shit. Yes,” I couldn’t even form a coherent word let alone a sentence. He was incredibly good at it and it made me wonder if there was anything that he couldn’t do.

He laughed again, sliding me off him a few moments later so I was underneath him once again. “Sorry, I gotta fuck you now before I lose my mind.”

He kicked off his pants, moving his mouth down to mine. “Oh, wait. Uh-“ I cut him off, pressing my mouth onto his, groaning.

“Fuck, that’s sexy as hell,” he muttered. “Where the fuck have you been all my life?”

I laughed, watching as he put the condom on.

He pressed himself against me, his eyes focused on mine. “Ready?”

I sighed, gripping the back of his neck. “Just fuck me already, B.”

“Sure thing,” he smirked again, sliding into me.

“Mmmm,” I moaned in complete bliss, closing my eyes.

“Hey,” he spoke, his voice rough sounding. “Look at me.”

He gripped my chin, and I opened my eyes to see his dark ones staring down at me. Just seeing him look at me like that made me want to come. His pace quickened gradually, going both harder and faster.

“Oh, fuck, Baekhyun,” I breathed, dragging my nails across his back.

“Fuuuck,” he groaned, gripping my waist in one hand so he could pull me up closer to him.

Within a few moments, I let go, and he followed shortly afterward.

He exhaled audibly, pulling out before tossing the condom in a nearby garbage. “You are… Wow.”

“Yeah, same for you,” I spoke, still trying to catch my breath. “Sorry about your back and scalp.”

He laughed a bit. “No worries. I actually like it a lot.”

“Kinky fucker,” I joked, leaning forward to pick up my discarded clothing.

“Wait,” Baekhyun mumbled, moving to kiss me.

I placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away. “No.”

Standing up, I slipped on my undergarments before sliding my shirt over my head. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. I turned back toward him, and he sighed, running a hand down his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, now attired in a pair of boxers.

“Nothing,” I responded, moving my eyes over his apartment.

“Alright,” he dropped it rather quickly, which came as a relief to me. I didn’t want to tell him that I came here in the heat of the moment to spite Seulgi, and that I probably shouldn’t have. It wasn’t that I regretted it – I enjoyed having sex with him a lot – I just felt stupid for coming all the way to his place for a hookup. It just further solidified the strong hold he had on me, which only made me angrier at both myself and him.

“I still cannot believe that you came all the way over here just so I could fuck your brains out,” he chuckled, standing up and walking towards me.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I have some business to attend to here in a couple of days, so I just changed the dates around. I accommodated for you, but I didn’t just come here solely for the purpose of letting you fuck me.” I lied.

“You accommodated for me, okay,” he repeated, laughing.

“Yes,” I began to wander through his spacious apartment, moving into the kitchen.

“What are you looking for? Are you hungry?” he asked me. It was kind of cute that he was showing he cared about me at least a little bit.

I shook my head. “No, I’m not hungry. I’m… Okay, I know you to have alcohol here.”

“What?” he burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious,” I responded, turning back towards him.

He laughed again. “You know, you’re supposed to drink first and fuck second, but I guess I can make an exception.”

He disappeared for a few moments into what I assumed was some sort of man cave, coming back with a bottle of whiskey.

We sat out on his balcony for a while, watching the sun set. If it were different circumstances, I guess it could have been kind of romantic. He told me about how he had been in Seoul recording, and that he was going back on tour in about a week. I told him about the work I had lined up for me, which wasn’t as impressive, and how I wanted to eventually shift my focus on writing only. I didn’t know how much we ended up drinking, but the last thing I remembered was dozing off on Baekhyun’s couch.

Baekhyun’s POV

Y/N had passed out relatively quick. After a few moments when I was sure she was out, I picked her up, carrying her to my bedroom. After setting her down and pulling the covers up over her, I got into bed as well. This whole thing was extremely fucked up, and I hated myself for not being able to let her go. Both Chanyeol and Seulgi were right: someone was going to get fucked over in the end. Inevitably, it would probably be her, unfortunately. I never really had the attention span to stay invested in one particular girl, but for some reason, she had me captivated at that point. However, I knew that the second I got back on tour, my mind would probably change.

Relationships like these never worked out, and I knew that. I’d seen enough to know better, but at that point I just didn’t care. She was fun to fuck, and she made it pretty obvious she liked it, too. My head felt foggy, and thinking about all this just made me more confused. I could feel my eyelids growing heavy as well, and pretty soon I was out.

I woke up the next morning, glancing over at the clock to check the time. It was just after 10, and I looked over to see Y/N still fast asleep. Chuckling to myself, I moved the blanket off me slowly, careful not to disturb her. I made my way into the kitchen, trying to find something to eat as I was rather hungry. As I grabbed some cereal out of the cupboard, I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around, seeing Y/N standing there.

“Well, good morning,” I spoke, smiling at her.

She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. “Why was I in your bed?”

“You passed out on my couch last night, so I put you there,” I responded, pouring some of the cereal into a bowl before adding some milk.

“Oh, fuck,” she put her hand on her forehead. “I didn’t even want to stay the night. I’m sorry. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea for what?” I questioned, grabbing a spoon. “Did you want some?”

She shook her head. “I’m fine. I just… I mean the wrong idea that I’m gonna stick around here.”

“So you were just gonna leave here fucked out of your mind last night?” I joked, shoveling some of my breakfast into my mouth.

“Well, no. I wasn’t planning on getting drunk that bad,” she sighed, and I chuckled a bit in response.

“Sure you don’t want some?” I mumbled through a mouthful.

“Not of that, no,” she responded, her tone almost suggestive.

“What are you implying?” I asked, sounding equally as suggestive.

She smirked, moving over to me and climbing into my lap. “Mmm, I don’t know.”

“Fuck,” I breathed, just before she pressed her lips onto mine. My hands moved to her hips as she tugged on my hair gently.

After a few moments, she pulled away, climbing off of me.

“Seriously?” I ran a hand through my hair. “You frustrate me to no end, you know that?”

“Good, that means I’m doing my job,” she laughed. “I think I’m going to go now, though.”

“What? Can’t you stay for a little longer?” I asked. Fuck, I sounded so desperate, but I didn’t really care if it meant she would stay.

“No,” she spoke firmly, which surprised me a bit. “This isn’t gonna become a habit, B. I can’t do it. You can’t do it. We both know that.”

“But…” I trailed off, standing up and moving over to her before placing my hands on her face. “I think we’ve already kind of made a habit out of it, don’t you think?”

She shook her head, looking up at me. “You told me that you’ll be going back on tour in a week, and I’ve got my stuff going on. You’ll find someone new to fuck and I’ll be old news.”

“Why don’t you come with me?” I proposed. “It’ll be fun and we can fuck all the time. Win win.”

She laughed a bit, pulling away from me. “I’m not going on tour with you just so I can be your sex toy for two months. It’s not happening. Besides, I have a life and a job too, you know.”

She moved over to the door where she had dropped her bag the night before.

“Ugh, don’t do this to me Y/N,” I groaned, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back to me before she could pick up her belongings.

“B, let me go. Your cereal is gonna get soggy,” she complained.

“I don’t care,” I retorted, pausing for a moment. “Can we at least fuck when I get back?”

She shrugged, trying to free herself from my grip. “Like I said, you’ll find lots of new girls to mess around with when you’re gone and I’ll be a thing of the past. Goodbye Baekhyun.”

“I highly doubt that. You’re stuck in my head, Y/N… It doesn’t even bother me that you call me by my name, it’s kind of endearing actually,” I let out a sad chuckle and ran a hand through my hair looking down, my mind racing. “Fuck. Well, I’m not gonna stop you if you wanna leave, but can I at least kiss you goodbye?” I asked.

She grabbed my neck in response, pulling me down to her so our lips met. I gripped her waist tightly, not wanting to let her go. It confused me how attached I’d grown to her in such a short period of time. I didn’t really like feeling this way, that was for sure. It made me feel like I was not in control, which wasn;t something I was accustomed to.

She broke the kiss just as I was getting into it, causing me to groan in frustration. “You’re a fucking tease.”

She smirked at me, retrieving her bag before taking a hold of the door handle. “Goodbye, B.”

As she began to walk away, I stood in the doorway, watching her. “Okay, well, stop by if you’re still around in a couple of days.”

“Goodbye, Baekhyun,” she repeated for a third time from down the hallway as she approached the elevator between the two penthouse apartments, not even looking back at me.

A few days had passed, and I spent them trying to prepare for the next tour: arranging set lists, getting things packed, and just making sure that everything was ready to go. There were only two days left until the first date and I was beginning to feel a bit anxious about it.

I hadn’t heard anything from Y/N since she left which sort of surprised me, but then again she was pretty good at the whole “hard to get” thing. After debating, I decided to send her a text.

‘how’d your “business” go?’

It took about ten minutes before she texted me back. ‘well, it went fine but it sure was fun trying to cover this up. fuck you’

Attached to the message was a photo of the multiple hickeys I gave her a few days prior. I couldn’t help but laugh even though it wasn’t all that funny, and it was especially apparent it wasn’t to her.

‘hahaha shit I’m sorry’

‘no you’re not’

‘are you still in bucheon area? wanna fuck again?’ I texted back, not dancing around the actual reason why we were having this conversation with small talk.

‘wow, B. nice to talk to you too!’ She responded, and I chuckled to myself.

‘sorry. hey Y/N, it’s great talking to you and I was just wondering if you wanna fuck’

‘I’m back in Seoul. tough luck ;)’

Fuck, I thought to myself. Of course she was. ‘seriously?’

‘seriously. guess you’ll have to make a stop on your tour if you wanna see me ;) ‘

I groaned in frustration. ‘the Seoul date isn’t till near the end of the tour. are you sure you can’t just come with me??’

‘I’m not going with you. I already told you that. I gotta go, I’m meeting a friend. bye B’

‘how the fuck am I supposed to go another month and a half without fucking you?’

She responded a few minutes later. ‘you’ll figure it out’      

‘how?’ I texted back, but a reply never came. Hours passed, and still nothing. Even after I texted her for a second time, she still didn’t respond.

She was so damn good at this game she was playing, and I commended her for that, but it irritated me because I was used to being the one who acted like this. Seeing someone else do it made me angry, but at the same time, it just made me want her more. I was half-tempted to just go out there to see her before tour started, but I knew that’s what she expected me to do.

Like hell was I going to give in.

#baekhyun #EXO baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun imagine #baek #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fic #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fanart #exo #exo fic #exo fanart #exo au #exo au series #exo au scenarios #baekhyun au #baekhyun reaction #exo reaction #baekhyun series #baekhyun story #baekhyun smut #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you #superm #superm baekhyun

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 12

Day 12 - You meet your soulmate in your dreams every night.

Pairing(s): Romantic Remile, Romantic Moceit, Romantic Dukexiety, Past Romantic Dukeceit

TWs: sexual language, mentions of childbirth, Remus being Remus, swearing

--

Emile Picani knew something was up with his soulmate.

Their link, as almost all did, formed when they were twelve. And right off the bat, when his soulmate kept flitting in and out of sight, he knew their first meeting would be interesting. Emile had sat up from his dream bed to see a young boy with raven hair that shone a dazzling blue in the light, and pale skin adorned with freckles that stood out like stars in the night sky. 

So sue him, Emile was going through a poetic phase. 

He’d walked over to start up the conversation, “Soulmate! Do you, how do? My name’s-”

Was as far as he got before the boy disappeared. At first, Emile panicked; what happened?! Did his soulmate hate him on sight and wake up-

Oh, there he is.

The boy reappeared, taking in Emile as he looked him up and down with his mocha coloured eyes, “Oh, you’re still here, babes. Cool.”

Huh. Interesting response, but Emile trusted in fate, extending a hand again, “As I was saying before you got spirited away, I’m Emile Picani! What’s your name?”

“Nice Ghibli reference. I’m Remy Duke,”, he yawned, reaching for Emile’s hand lazily, “Nice to meet you. So like, you’re my soulmate? I’m like, not just dreaming?”

Emile shook his head, “Nope! It’s really me! I hope you’re not disappointed- Ah, sorry, my pops says I shouldn’t say stuff like that-”

“He’s right, you shouldn’t.”, was the blunt response he got.

Sensing that he might’ve made his soulmate uncomfortable, Remy elaborated, “My ren says you should totes avoid negative thinking. Like, if you keep thinking you’re disappointing me, you’re only gonna like, reinforce that idea. And being that anxious is not a good look on you, sweetie.”

Emile wasn’t sure what to think, but the advice made him feel… really happy, actually. His soulmate cares! He went to thank him, but Remy had disappeared again. Dang. Emile waited until Remy returned, humming to himself when he heard his soulmate’s voice again,

“Whoa, you like Steven Universe?”

Emile’s smile glistened with delight that Remy had recognised the tune of Independant Together, “Yeah! Who’s your favourite character!? Mine’s Steven!! But if I had to pick a gem, I’d say Spinel’s my new favourite!” 

Remy rolled his eyes, but Emile read the gesture as a fond one, “Cool.” . He figured his soulmate wouldn’t answer further but then Remy continued, “I like Buck Dewey. He’s totes underrated. As for the gems, like, there’s no question babes. Garnet’s the best.”

Thankfully, Remy was able to stay for the rest of the night until the two of them realised it’d be morning soon.

“Oh, before you go, maybe we should find out where we both live! That way we can-”

Remy shook his head, “Nah babes. Let’s make this fun. It’s like, way too boring if we make things THAT easy.”. He noted how upset Emile looked and took pity, “Tell you what babes, how about every time we meet, we both get one yes or no question. Make it a game. First one to guess where the other lives wins.”

Emile smiled, mirroring Remy’s playful one, “Alright then! Can I go first?”

“As long as you’re quick babes.”

“Oh, right!”, Emile cleared his throat, “Are you in the US?”

With a dramatic, yet monotone sigh, Remy retorted, “Unfortunately-”

“Remyyyy!”, Emile chuckled, “You’re breaking your own rule. It’s yes or no, silly!”

Remy rolled his eyes, but the sigh he gave had nothing but fondness, “Alright, alright. Yes.”. He stretched his arms, “Same question to you babes, you stuck in this crapsack of a country too?”

“Yes.”, Emile answered, “Unfortunately.”

The chuckle he got back from Remy left him with a smile on his face as he awoke that morning. Emile wasted no time in brushing his teeth and heading to breakfast with a spring in his step to tell his fathers the great news. 

--

Unknowingly just a few miles away, another young lad awoke and dragged himself lazily down the stairs where his father and ren were having one of their early morning romantic tension arguments.

“The knife’s the pussy option, Virge!”, his father Remus had chided, shoving a handful of trix into his mouth with his bare hand, “Knives don’t do shit!”

Remy’s ren, Virgil, massaged their temples in frustration. Going by the shade of their face being somewhere between embarrassed tomato and devil’s asscrack crimson, Remy figured they’d been on this tangent for the last hour or so.

“What the FUCK do you mean ‘knives don’t do shit’?! It’s a fucking KNIFE, dipshit! What the fuck is a spoon gonna do!?”

Virgil yanked the cereal from Remus and began pouring him a proper bowl, to which the messy man scoffed, “Virge, you’re not thinking about the bigger picture!”

“What bigger picture?! We’re talking about which would be best in a casual alleyway fight, right?! Just bring a goddamn knife!”

Ah. 

Context. 

Gotta love it.

Remy walked undetected past the two of them to go digging in the hall closet dryer for his favourite shirt while his father made his case.

“That’s predictable, babe! You’re not thinking about the psychology of it, Virge!”, Remus protested, “Look, any bozo can grab a knife, big deal! Your chances of being intimidating with that alone are, what, four in ten?!”, he bullshitted, gesticulating wildly as he picked up a spoon, wielding it like a cutlass, “But if you pick a spoon!? Thats like saying “Hey I’m fuckin’ crazy”!! I’m not gonna go up against the mother fucker that picks a spoon! You know how crazy that looks!?”

“Very much so, yeah.”, Virgil deadpanned, making direct eye contact with Remus who returned that glare with a wink.

“Careful, last time you gave me that look, we had to start buying baby clothes.”

Virgil scoffed, but it was hard to hide the exhausted smirk they bore, “Oh fuck you. Take your cereal and sit down.”

Remus did neither of those things, instead wrapping his arms around Virgil’s waist and pulling them closer, “I mean, if you wanna-“

“Like, maybe we can keep the horny out of the kitchen?”, Remy piped up, watching his ren damn near leap out of their skin while his father burst into laughter.

“No promises!”, Remus jested, taking the bowl of cereal Virgil had made for him and downing it like he was chugging cheap beer at a frat party. Virgil sighed in exhaustion but gestured for Remy to have a seat at the table, “So, how’d your first soulmate dream go, Rem? Did you get a name?”

Remy slung himself into his usual seat at the table, “Yeah. His name’s Emile Picani.”

The immediate silence was palpable for a second, even Remus didn’t dare make a sound when Virgil spoke up, “Remus, wasn’t your ex’s name Janus Picani?”

Remy hadn’t seen his father in a flight or fight situation like this before; sure there was this one time in WalMart, but he didn’t have a melon baller, two packs of toilet paper, and a plunger at hand like that time. Instead, his father was armed only with a banana he had snatched from the fruit bowl and taken a bite of. With the peel still on. Speaking with his mouth full and earning a disgusted eye roll from his partner, Remus finally managed to offer a response.

--

“It’s probably not the same guy.”

Janus Picani unknowingly echoed his ex boyfriend under his breath, inaudible to his son. 

Of all the names Emile could’ve given, why’d the surname have to be Duke? He had never told his husband Patton about the whole ex-boyfriend thing; Janus thought it best no one ever knew lest he be judged harshly. Sure, he’d never exactly cared what others thought - and many did share his opinion that holding off ANY romantic or sexual activity until you met your soulmate wasn’t always entirely healthy or doable - but the idea of Patton possibly being let down or upset by the news…

Janus didn’t want to think about it. No, he wouldn’t entertain the thought. After all, he had breakfast to make, fried eggs to watch over, toast to be ready to butter when it popped up.

Besides, Duke was probably a common surname, right? 

Probably. 

Maybe.. 

Hopefully.

“Did Remy tell you where he lives, sweetie? We can always drive you over to meet him after school if it’s close enough!”, Patton chirped excitedly from the seat next to his son, unknowingly setting Janus even more on edge. 

Please say he’s across the country. Please say he’s in another state. Please say he’s ANYWHERE but close by-

“Oh, we’re making a game of it!”

Janus’ curiosity peaked, but his anxiety remained on hold just in case.

“Every time we meet, we get to ask one yes or no question, then whoever guesses the other’s location first wins! Isn’t that exciting!?”

His enthusiasm was contagious. Patton was practically bouncing in his chair, “Oh that’s so cute!! It’s just like a romcom!”, he began, then corrected, “Oh, unless you’re both platonic, don’t worry kiddo, that’s fine too-”

“Thanks popstar, but I um,”, Emile flushed a little, hiding in his pastel yellow cardigan, “I really like him. I know it’s dumb ‘cause we only just met but… but he’s so cool!”

Janus listened in on his son’s adorable recounting of the encounter; how the two had talked about cartoons for hours, and the oddity of Remy flickering back and forth from the soulscape at first. The curiosity in Janus won out as he finished cooking their breakfast and brought their plates to the table. 

“He sounds like a lovely young man,”, Janus led with, hoping to at least quell some of his fears, “Do we get to know what he looks like, perhaps?”

Patton gasped excitedly, “Yessss!! Then if we pass him on the street, we can say hello!”

Thankful for Patton’s backup, if not for the same reasons, Janus nodded and Emile enthusiastically took out his notebook to start trying to draw his soulmate from memory,

“Well, he’s got really gorgeous eyes! And lots of freckles!-”

His pencils were almost combusting at the sheer speed Emile was working up the more he got excited about his soulmate. His fathers both unknowingly thought back to his adoption; he’d been so shy at first, barely able to look either of them in the eye, but after just a couple of weeks being allowed to express himself creatively in ways he hadn’t been able to do before with his birth parents, Emile had grown into the same excitable young lad they were watching right that second. Wordlessly, Patton slid his hands into Janus’ hold, who sweetly returned the loving gesture with a soft lacing of their fingers together. 

They were inches from leaning in for a kiss momentarily before Emile excitedly announced that he was done, “This is him! Isn’t he the coolest?!”

Janus scanned the drawing, noting both his son’s artistic talent and feeling a small burst of relief. The kid didn’t resemble Remus at all. For now at least he could sleep easy knowing he wouldn’t have to face his ex again.

--

Janus ate his words three months later.

Emile and Remy had continued to meet within their dreams, playing their guessing game as always until, thanks to Patton’s help, he managed to guess close enough to Remy’s location. True to his word, Remy had given Emile the address and lo and behold, they were only a couple of miles away from each other.

Janus couldn’t say he wasn’t happy for them, he was thrilled in fact. However, as he stood at the front door of Remy’s parents house staring at the face of his ex boyfriend, he couldn’t deny the urge he had to run away immediately. The moment of silence was unbearable. Perhaps he could pretend he didn’t know- “Well shit, it IS you, Snake Face!”

Nevermind.

Janus resisted the urge to scratch at the eczema that adorned the left half of his face, clearing his throat, “It’s good to see you too, Remus.”

Patton and Emile were shocked by the revelation, while Virgil and Remy were entirely unphased. Though Remy was certainly more preoccupied by his soulmate.

Emile was so much cuter in person; his jade green eyes, his honey skin, the cute puff of purple hair, the dorkiest Disney themed sweater Remy had ever seen. It took him a second to realise he was staring too long and blocking the door.

“Oh, uh, come in or whatever, babes.”

He reached out to lead his soulmate into the house, followed by a gaggle of awkward parents.

“So, Jan, darling,”, Patton piped up, “How do you and um-“

“Remus!”, the man grinned.

“You and Remus know each other?”

Janus was about to answer with a well crafted lie when Remus beat him to the punch, “Oh! Dee’s my ex!”

The immediate silence that followed from all six occupants of the house was so much worse than Janus had anticipated. Emile sported an expression of shock, and he didn’t want to hazard seeing Patton’s face. Seeing how disappointed he’d be that he’d lied to him-

“Oh! Well that was ….. Un-ex-pected!”, Patton punned, earning mostly groans but a hearty chuckle from Remus. Janus looked over to his husband, stunned to note that he didn’t seem angry. Perhaps he’d been worried over nothing after all. 

Virgil was first to speak up as they offered the others a seat on the sofa while Remy and Emile were excused to go play video games while the adults talked.

“So I take it you didn’t tell your..“, Remus stalled, hoping Patton would fill in the pieces.

“Husband.”

“Husband,”, Remus began, “that we used to hardcore date back in the day?”

Janus felt his stomach lurch as Patton shifted beside him; neither farther away nor closer to him. Perhaps that made it much worse. 

“In my defense, Remus, we both knew it wasn’t exactly anything serious-”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say. It was brief, but Janus noted the flash of disappointment in Remus’ eyes. Not exactly that of a hopeful ex lover realising they didn’t have a second chance, mind you. More so someone who clearly had wanted a close friendship, or at least SOME kind of meaningful relationship with the man he’d grown close to. 

Man, Janus felt like such a bastard.

“Apologies, Remus. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh-“

“It’s fine, Snake ‘n’ Flake,”, Okay maybe Janus didn’t feel too bad, “I mean, it stings a little but whatever. We both found our soulmates, so who cares about what we got up to on campus-”

Patton cleared his throat politely, but firmly, “Sorry to interrupt but um, Virgil, was it? How long had you known about it?”

Janus knew that expression; Patton’s “I want to know how much of a fool I’ve been” face was unmistakable. Maybe he was mad at Janus after all.

Virgil snorted, playing with their hoodie strings in a stimming gesture, “Dude, his opening line when we met was “I hope you don’t mind that this ass has some mileage on it.”. Remus doesn’t do subtlety.”

Maybe if Janus wished hard enough the floor would eat him alive. Patton gave a quiet, thoughtful nod and the conversation diverted unexpectedly after that. Not that Janus wasn’t relieved, but the way Patton seemed to pivot so quickly into another topic felt all too much like he was avoiding the whole thing. Janus may be a coward, but seeing his husband try to act like the information wasn’t hurting him was so much worse. He dug his phone out of his pocket and feigned surprise,

“... Would you excuse me, I have a missed business call, it won’t take a second.”

Virgil and Remus watched him go, Patton giving him the smallest nod in acknowledgement for now as the conversation swerved back into more parenting talk. 

Janus wasn’t sure how long Patton would give it before he came out to the front porch to talk; they’d had the system in place ever since they realised Emile would get curious and listen into their conversations sometimes. Missed business calls for Janus, another long catch up with his Aunt Patty for Patton. Both were code phrases for the same thing: we need to talk.

Patton had given it five minutes before he’d come to check in on Janus. The quietness of the surrounding neighbourhood let them indulge in the tinkling from an obviously homemade wind chime dangling above the porch.

“..... I was afraid you’d be disappointed in me.”, came Janus’ quiet admission under the warm sun rays that tickled his already partially dry skin, “Or worse. That you wouldn’t want me if I told you-”

“That’s ridiculous, Jan.”

Patton rarely interrupted anyone - purely out of politeness and the goodness of his heart - but he wouldn’t stand to hear his husband of eight years talk about himself that way, “If you keep talking bad about yourself I’m going to physically fight you.”

There was no bite to his words, but more a firm tone that settled Janus’ nerves somewhat.

“I suppose, but still. I understand that you’re most likely upset with me. I lied to you. And admittedly to Remus as well, but that’s-”

“I’m not upset.”

Pat gently caressed Janus’ rough cheek, paying his skin condition no mind as he reassured him, “I am a little disappointed.”, there’s the fatherly tone, “But none of this would ever be enough to make me leave you or anything if that’s what you were worried about. You’re stuck with me.”. Patton shot Janus a sunshine smile and the cutest blep he’d ever seen, to which the latter felt his heart positively melt, “And you’re stuck with a snake boy.”

The way Patton laughed ignited his bones and sent every nerve ending in his body soaring on high. By Gods, he loved him. Of course, Janus knew he loved Patton since they’d first met in their dreams - both being rather late to establish their connection at their early 20s - from the moment he’d laid eyes on him and heard the words, “Hey there! I’m sorry it took so long to meet you! I guess I was .... Patton-Pending!”. 

“Seriously, where’re all there snake jokes slithering their way out of?”

Janus held in a snort-laugh, “Ah, I used to own a pet snake in college. She escaped the first night I stayed in the dorms and caused a minor lockdown. Once I got her back, the nickname got spread around like wildfire thanks to Remus calling me Snake Face affectionately for months.”

Janus’ sigh screamed exhaustion, but his tone spoke of fondness. Patton chuckled sweetly, “At least he didn’t mean it in a mean way. Otherwise he’d be hiss-tory if I got a hold of him!”

Goddammit, Janus was weak for his husband’s awful puns. Stifling the belly laugh that wanted to break out of him in favour of a curt snort of amusement, “I can take care of myself, fangs you very much.”. Their mutual punning session went back and forth until a knock at the door behind them reminded the two that they weren’t at home. Virgil’s voice came from the other side of the door, 

“You both alright out there?”

Patton quickly called back, “Yep! We’ll be right back in a second!”

“Cool, I’m making hot cocoa, just lemme know how you like it once you’re done.”

Janus sighed and stood up. He already began to feel tense again, but Patton gently rose and took hold of his hands, 

“You should apologise to him, y’know. Remus, I mean.”, Patton clarified, “I know you noticed.”

Patton didn’t clarify further, he knew Janus knew what he meant. The way Remus had covered up how much what he’d said before hurt. Besides, he already had something to apologise to the eccentric trash rat for anyway so..

“I know. Can you keep Virgil company for me in the meantime?”

Patton nodded enthusiastically, “Of course! They promised to show me their tattoos later anyway!”

Janus wasn’t surprised his husband was enthralled by something so artsy, chuckling softly to himself as he and Patton rejoined the others only to walk in on the Dukes rather intensely making out just shy of the kitchen island. Patton averted his eyes while Janus rolled his and just cleared his throat undeterred. 

“I do hope we’re not interrupting anything.”

Just like this morning, Virgil nearly leapt out of their skin and embarrassedly ushered Remus out of the kitchen. Patton decided to swap in and help Virgil prep the drinks, while Janus sat with Remus in the living room once again.

“I owe you an apology, Remus.”, Janus took a deep breath in, “Actually, I owe you two.“

He hazarded a look at Remus, anticipating perhaps shock or surprise, but instead the human embodiment of a muscle cramp was trying to sit upside down on the sofa next to Janus. If he were honest, Janus was more disappointed in himself for not assuming Remus would be the same mangey gremlin he’d been used to.

“You’re aware I’m attempting to be serious?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re going to continue sitting like that?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you aware that talking to you is like attempting to win a game of “But Why?” with a three year old?” 

“Mhm!”

Janus massaged his temples and Remus, thankfully, relented. He didn’t remove himself from the seat and sit like a human being, he simply flicked Janus in the side.

“You act like I’m a bitch to talk to, but fucking hell, cutting the umbilical cord was less taxing than this.”

The snarky remark did get a chortle out of Janus, “Ah, then Remy’s..?“

“Yep! Fresh outta my insides!”, Remus cackled. Janus rolled his eyes. 

“Charming.”

“Nah, that’s my brother, I’m more….. the Demented type.”

“I’m aware,”, Janus retorted, “I remember having to drag you across campus to get your stomach pumped after the Everything Cocktail you downed at the annual Halloween Party.”

Remus let out a barking laugh and nearly slid off the sofa, “In my defense, the hot sauce, caramel, chicken strip, coffee, shrimp, marinara sauce, peanut butter, and six spoons of… was it horseradish or mayo?”

“Horseradish.”, Janus shuddered.

“That’s the bitch.”, Remus continued, “They weren’t so bad. The celery was what fucking sucked ass. And the carrots.”

Ah, the nostalgia. 

Granted, the trip down memory lane was the most wonderful mix of chaotic and bumpy, but the longer he took to address the issue, the worse Janus felt. He must’ve let his expression slip because Remus immediately stopped his rambling and finally let out a tired exhale,

“Listen, if what you said earlier is still eating at you like a piranha in your gut, then it’s fine. Really. I mean sure, it sucked cactus dick knowing you didn’t feel as serious about us as I did at the time, but-”

“It wasn’t true.”, Janus cut in, “What I’d said. I was trying to soften the impact, I suppose. You did and still honestly do mean a lot to me, Remus.”

There’s the shock he’d expected. Remus’ eyes were trained fully on Janus, waiting for a sign of deceit, but thankfully, he detected nothing.

“Huh. Cool.”

It was pretty lackluster, but Janus could tell Remus was glad. At least for now.

“Actually, I wouldn’t get too comfortable yet, I have another apology to issue. Or, I suppose, another lie to set right.”

Oh boy. Janus inhaled, he’d gotten this far. No backing out now.

“When we broke up, I told you it was simply because I didn’t want to date you anymore. Then the week after, my soulmate miraculously appeared in my dreams. But that was a two faced lie.”

Remus cocked his head to the side, wincing while he tried to shuffle around and get comfy due to his gravity defying seating arrangement.

“So…. what happened for real?”

Janus sighed, “.... The week before we broke up, I met him in my dreams. Patton just appeared, and I fell in love instantly. I… I felt awful. Like I was cheating on both of you-”

“Jan-”

“Please, Remus, let me finish.”

Remus sighed, crossing his arms, which looked rather comical when upside down.

“I know you and I always said there’d be no shame if the connection eventually happened to emerge, yet when I saw him there for the first time I just-”

“You felt guilty anyway.”

It was Janus’ turn to be surprised as Remus finally rolled off of the sofa to climb back on and sit… less like a cryptid.

“Same thing happened the first time I saw Virgil.”

Remus snickered at the further shocked expression Janus sported.

“Yeah, I know. Me, King Garbage, Lord of the Thots, no brains or remorse…. feeling guilty. But I get it. It’s really different the first time you see ‘em. Either way, you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling worried or being scared, Snake Face. Although it does hurt like a skewered ballsack that you lied to me about it though. So..”

In retaliation for such a heinous crime, Remus reached over and grabbed Janus’ fancy lil hat, and with a practiced ease that had his ex both enraged and astonished, ring tossed the thing through the small opening in the window, landing it in the small decorative bird bath just outside.

“...... Remus Duke, before I beat the everloving shit out of you for old times sakes,”, Janus uttered lowley, threatening but with a familiar fondness that reminded Remus of their days causing havoc on campus and speed bullshitting essays like it was their birthright, “I want you to know that that little stunt was incredibly impressive...”

--

Upstairs, oblivious to the conversation and scuffle their fathers were enthralled in, Remy and Emile had mostly been playing games, watching cartoons and chatting away together. They’d just put on some Adventure Time when Emile looked over at Remy, noting he was falling asleep. Emile considered trying to do the same to surprise him in their dream space when Remy jolted back awake.

“Oh shit, how long was I out babes?”

Emile shook his head, “Not long. Does… that happen often?”

“Like, all the time. My sleep cycle is a roulette wheel, I’m sure of it.”, Remy lamented, shuffling closer to Emile on the edge of the bed, carefully not to knock over his laptop.

“Do you think our parents are getting along? I’m gonna like, throw hands if they ruin things with their adult bullshit.”

Emile shyly shuffled closer, leaning his head upon Remy’s, who savoured the feel of the slightly taller boy’s coiled hair against his forehead. Downstairs, Emile could hear a scuffle alongside his Papa’s worried attempts to calm down whatever was happening, and began to recognise Virgil’s annoyed interjections. He wasn’t too distressed however; his father’s upbeat tone and what sounded like Remus’ maniacal cackle assured him there was probably nothing to be worried about.

“Something tells me they’re getting along just fine.”, Emile smiled brightly at Remy, “How about one more episode then we can go check?”

----

Hoooly shit this took ages.

I promise I’m workin to catch up, I’m gonna do this or die tryin’!! For small clarifications:

- Virgil is NB/Agender and uses They/Them

- Remus is a Trans Man and uses He/Him

I didn’t specify much for the other characters purely because I could see them being anywhere on the gender spectrum, they can be whatever you prefer to read them as.

I really dunno how well this one read if I’m honest, it just kept branching from cute Remile focused fic to Families’ First Meeting kinda thing???

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom 

#remile #dukexiety #moceit #dukeceit #remy sanders #emile picani #cartoon therapy #janus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #soulmate september #fanfics #my fics #this took so long aaaaaaaa

[tododorks]

synopsis: why, why, why? everyday you saw them, and everytime it hurt more than the last. it was driving you crazy and you tried to ignore it, you really did– but it was easier said than done..

parings: midoriya izuku/reader (+platonic bakugou katsuki/reader)

warnings: cursing, angst, self-hatred, depression, all that fun stuff

word count: 1.6k

i do be feelin down in the dumps fam, so here, take my sadness in form of writing and read it also this was barely proofread,, so whoops

.・。.・゜✭・.・✭・゜・。.

Why did he look at her like that?

You never meant to be jealous, you never thought you would be jealous. Especially not because of her. For three years you had friends, hell, she was one of your closest friends now. So why? Why did it hurt so much?

Why did your heart ache when you saw them talking together, walking together? Why did it hurt so goddamn much when he laughed at her jokes and when he would look at her and smile?

But you told yourself it was okay. That it would go away, that this feeling would go away. There wasn’t a need to bother him with your feelings. He would just get upset, and you didn’t want him to be upset. You wanted him to be happy, that’s all that was important.

“Y/N, angel?” You heard Izuku’s voice from behind.

He looked happy.

“Hey, Izuku. How are you?” You gave him a slight smile, pushing the negative thoughts out of your mind.

“Good,” He took a seat next to you. “Just wondering if you wanted to hang out with Iida and Ochako tomorrow? M-me too, obviously.”

You nodded and he patted your shoulder.

It didn’t feel right.

“U-um…” You stammered out.

He looked back at you with a questioning look, but you couldn’t get anything out. You wanted to tell him, so badly, but you couldn’t.

After a few seconds he went back to his seat.

. . .

Izuku texted you that he’d meet up with you and Iida. He was walking with Ochako.

But that was okay! You were okay.

It was just walking, they were just walking. After all, she was his best friend, it was only natural.

“Are you okay, L/N?” Iida asked you.

“Yeah, of course,” You replied.

He nodded and you two continued to walk in silence. It was awkward. Despite being a part of their friend group (their friend group being Izuku, Iida, Ochako, Tsuyu, and Todoroki), you didn’t exactly feel like you fit in anymore, but you didn’t exactly have another group you could just slide in to. Other than them, Bakugou was your only friend. Though his group didn’t exactly feel right either.

You looked down at the ground and began to lightly scratch your arm. Just a nervous habit. Iida took notice but left you be, knowing it was probably best if he did. He could tell something was off with you, but he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries and make you uncomfortable.

“Midoriya! Uraraka!”

You looked up immediately and saw him– saw them. They were so close, shoulders centimeters apart. Why were they so close? There was a weird, painful feeling in your chest, but you ignored it and tried your best to look happy.

Izuku ran up to the two of you, and Uraraka followed suit.

“L/N! You look beautiful!” She flashed you a quick smile before turning to Iida and starting a conversation.

You nodded and turned to them, forming a small circle. Izuku was on the opposite side of you, nervously laughing at what Uraraka had just said. He looked at her like she meant everything.

“Hey, Izu.” You waved.

“Hi, Y/N!” No nickname.

Izuku didn’t always call you nicknames around people, he’d get too flustered before he could manage the full word. It was the first time he’d ever been in a real relationship and he was still getting used to it. But even knowing that, it upset you. It’d been a while since he called you any affectionate names or even hugged you.

But it was okay, you were just overthinking it. The two of you were probably just getting out of that honeymoon phase people say relationships go through.

Yeah,

That was it.

The four of you walked the rest of the way to the park. The three of them talked and laughed amongst each other and you would pop in every once in a while. It still felt slightly uncomfortable, but you wanted to contribute at least something.

You didn’t want to be boring.

You didn’t want Izuku to think you were a boring person.

. . .

You stepped into the bustling lunchroom. Despite being full of students, somehow it felt empty too. You felt like an idiot standing alone in one of the aisles between tables while everyone else was with their friends.

But you couldn't move, you were stuck in place. You knew people were looking at you strangely, you just knew they were, but you were unable to move. Before you could think you were calling for Izuku. He was the only person you wanted to see. Seeing him, his face and his beautiful smile looking at you may calm you down.

And there he was.

But why was he walking with Uraraka? Why was he looking at her like that, touching her like that, smiling at her like that? For a brief second you thought you saw them holding hands, but the next moment it was gone. You felt tears forming in your eyes, you wanted them to stop, to smile and tell yourself that it was okay and they were just being friendly with each other. But that look… that look.

It was the same look he gave you when he told you he had loved you.

Through your tears you saw him look back at you, and you thought he would walk over to you and hold you. You thought he would comfort you and ask you what was wrong. Instead he gave you a blank stare and turned back to Uraraka and sat down with the rest of their friends. They didn’t even notice you were gone. They just continued their normal chatting, completely forgetting about you.

Were you really that forgettable…?

.

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Bakugou,” You whined, shoving your face deeper into his pillow. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you!”

He rolled his eyes. “Well it is. You know we all care about you.” You lifted your head up slightly, eager to see what he’d else say. “We wouldn’t forget about you. Not now, not ever.”

“Katsu…”

“Don’t fucking call me that, almost as bad as Kacchan…” He grumbled.

Hearing ‘Kacchan’ made you think of Izuku.. which made you think about him and Uraraka and the dream. God, that fucking dream. It definitely wasn’t the first, but that one was just flat out fucking with your mind. At least the others were subtle about it.

Bakugou was always honest with you, which is what you liked about him. If you were to ask anyone else whether Izuku and Uraraka looked like a good pair, they’d probably say no out of pity for you. Of course, he made sure he didn’t hurt you with his words. What can I say? He had a soft spot for you.

Though he knew you were going to be hurt when he said yes, you were already hurting because of it, and he knew you needed to hear it whether you liked it or not. It was your third time coming to him because of Izuku and Uraraka and Izuku and your relationship. But he could see how tired you were, how upset you were when you looked at the two of them, and sometimes if he was close enough he could hear you crying at night. Bakugou knew the only reason you hadn’t come to him more was because you didn’t want to be selfish or whiny.

No matter how much he told you that you could always come to him when you were feeling down, you couldn’t bring yourself to actually go to him. To you it always felt like you were just being a burden by doing so.

He looked at you with a hint of pity. Ever since you told him about your worries a few days ago he’d been noticing things about you and he was beginning to worry for your health. It wasn’t the first time you put someone else’s feelings above your own, but it was the first time he saw just how much it was hurting you. Not having the best mental health wasn’t exactly an unfamiliar topic to you and he knew that too.

“Op-oing-at…” You mumbled into the pillow.

“Sorry, can you repeat that, Shrek?” He said.

You lifted your head up and gently threw the pillow at him. “I said stop doing that, looking at me like I’m a wounded animal– and what do you mean Shrek? I sounded nothing like him.”

“I wasn’t looking at you like…” You cut him off.

“You were.”

“I could tell, Bakugou.”

He shifted and pressed his back against the wall, looking up at his ceiling and letting out a deep sigh. You weren’t an idiot, he knew that, just too caught up in your feelings to realize how badly the relationship was affecting you. That or maybe you were just holding out hope that it was just temporary, that your feelings would pass and your relationship with him would go back to how it was before.

Happy.

“Y/N?”

You hummed in response, tapping his knee rhythmically.

“Is this relationship really worth it?”

You stopped and sucked in a breath. “Pfft...what do you mean…? What– what are you now? A relationship counselor or something?” You let out a small laugh.

“Well, I just mean you seemed happy before.. and now…” His eyes left you and drifted to his hand. “Look, you know I don’t like that damn Deku, but he seemed to make you happy. But now it just seems like half of the time you’re with him you’re suffering.”

“‘s not true…”

“Y/N.”

You sat up and folded your hands in your lap, shaking your head. It wasn’t true. You just felt a little blue, that’s all.

“Just think about it, not about how much you love that nerd or whatever– and not about how he’d feel either. Just think about it,”

“Is it really worth it?”

#midoriya izuku #mha #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #reader insert #x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #deku #deku x reader #bakugou katsuki #ochako uraraka #bnha angst #bnha x reader angst #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #deku angst #midoriya izuku angst #haha iim sufering send the paramedics #jk dont do that #do y’all even read tags #i dunno #good night tho y’all

[kirishibi]

It’s Platonic | Kaminari Denki

Pairing: Kaminari Denki x Reader 

Warnings: cursing, angst, pining, unrequited feelings

Word Count: 1.3k

a/n: okay, this is late as fuck im so sorry but here’s by second and last piece for Angst April! 

Kaminari had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. 

Growing up, time apart from one another was few and far between, with school breaks turning into days-long sleepovers and entire weekends spent at one another's houses. Dawning matching All Might capes, you’d run around your shared neighborhood pretending to chase villains and debating about which of you was more heroic. The spare bedroom in Kaminari’s house became a second home for you, while he learned to sleep comfortably on the large sofa in your game room. 

As you got older, friends came and went. People outgrew one another and social circles seemed to change with the seasons, but Denki never left. Hand-sewn capes were traded in for video games, and childhood playdates evolved into ‘hang-outs’, but your friendship never changed. He was your safe space, your rock, the one person you learned you could always rely on. You didn’t need anyone else as long as you had him.

You could barely remember a life before Kaminari, and wouldn’t dare try and imagine one without. When he was away, you craved him like an addict needing a fix. 

You loved Denki, but he was in love with you. 

He first fell for you the night the two of you snuck onto your respective houses’ rooftops with stolen walkie-talkies just to see if they could connect from across the neighborhood. They did, and he stayed up until sunrise just listening to your voice through those old, crackling speakers. 

He fell more deeply every time you made up a dumb nickname for him or slipped on his favorite hoodie as protection from the cold. Everything about you was perfect to him. Your touch was an intoxicant, your voice a captivating melody. He swore you would drive him crazy one day, and he didn’t mind in the slightest. 

You could never know about these feelings, of course. There was no question nor debate - you didn’t love Kaminari in the way that he loved you. That was okay, though. He was happy keeping things platonic.

At least, that’s what he told himself, and for a while, he believed it. Over the years, the blond watched patiently as you fell in love with other people. He supported you through good times, offered a shoulder in rough patches, and helped put you back together when everything fell apart. He convinced himself that he was at peace just helping you find happiness. 

He forced a stiff smile when you gleefully told him of romantic dates, swallowed the bile rising in his throat as you introduced him to your lovers, and pretended he was only upset about the weather when he screamed into his tear-soaked pillow later than night thinking of you.

Kaminari tried to date around as well. There had been short-term girlfriends here and there, along with some flings when he’d gotten jealous at parties and drank himself into a stupor watching someone else snake their arm around your waist. No one lasted, though. Kaminari was picky, according to you.

Denki never expected anything of you. You didn’t owe him a relationship. He knew that. ‘Strictly platonic’ was all that things would ever be, and he wanted to believe he could be happy that way. All you needed was each other, right? That’s the promise you’d made back when you were little.

So, why did he want to smash his phone when you texted him asking for a rain check on movie night because your boyfriend wanted to take you to a new steakhouse in the city?

Not that it mattered, anyway. 

A few hours after your impromptu date, you were curled up on the sofa of Denki’s apartment in his favorite hoodie, eyes red and cheeks puffy as your best friend boiled water in his kitchen only a few feet away.

“I left for two goddamned seconds and when I came back he was slipping his phone number into the waitress’s fucking bra!” You half-yelled, half-sobbed, wiping away hot tears with baggy sleeves. 

Kaminari padded back into the room with a pensive frown and two steaming mugs of tea, sat down on the cushion beside you, and handed over one of the drinks as his brow furrowed.

“I swear, he’s so sweet when we’re alone. He really is the perfect guy most of the time.” 

Kaminari didn’t know he had a breaking point until that moment.

“No, he’s a dick. He’s always been a dick, and he knows he can get away with it because you let him. You fall in love with the wrong people, (Y/n).”

The pain in your expression when your eyes met his nearly made Denki regret his statement. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You give your heart to assholes, and I’m always the one on damage control” He didn’t expect to say that. In fact, he was planning on just biting his tongue and apologizing, but something wouldn’t let him. That’s the funny thing about suppressing how you feel: It may take years, but everything bubbles back to the surface eventually. “I can’t keep making you whole again after someone breaks you down. I’m tired a- and it fucking hurts.” His voice broke only for a moment before he regained his confidence and continued. “It hurts so damn bad knowing no matter how much I give to make things better, you’re just gonna let yourself get hurt again. I can’t do it anymore.”

“I’m a fucking adult, Denki. I can make my own decisions.” You spat back, setting down your cup on the coffee table and standing to grab your purse. The venom in your tone was like a knife to his heart. You tugged his hoodie off over your head and tossed it to him as you passed, evading his grasp when he reached for your wrist. Shaky fingers turned the front door knob.

“(Y/n), I’m serious. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself over and over again. Next time, you’re on your own.”

“Whatever,” You muttered under your breath, slamming the door closed on your way out.

-----

The silence between you lasted a week before Denki’s phone woke him up in the middle of the night with your name displayed in bright letters on his screen.

Immediately, he knew why you were calling. There was only one reason you ever called him this late at night. His stomach twisted in knots as he reluctantly answered, sitting up in his bed as Kaminari mentally prepared for the flood of emotions that talking with you brought.

“Hello?” He feigned ignorance, voice softened by exhaustion.

You sniffled into the phone, the sound alone making his heart ache. “It’s two a.m., I know that, but I need you…”

Denki took a deep, but shaky breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t go to you anymore. You know that.” Every inch of him was screaming to drop the wall he spent a week building around his heart, to hang up and drive to wherever you were so that he could hold you in his arms and tell you that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t. Kaminari blinked away the tears blurring his vision, choked back a sob as you broke down at his words. 

Trembling fingers gripped his phone so tight he thought the screen would crack. Denki didn’t know how to be happy without you in his life, but it was clear he couldn’t be happy with you in it either.

“Please, don't leave me. I- I need you, Denki. I love you so much.” Your voice was reduced to a defeated whimper as you pleaded with him, desperate not to lose your best friend, but knowing this was goodbye.

“No, you don’t.” Denki pressed the bright red ‘End’ button before he could change his mind. Mournful cries tore through his apartment as the only woman he’d ever loved was forcefully cut from his life.

#kaminari #denki kaminari #denki #kaminari x reader #kaminari angst #collabs #bnha x reader #bnha angst #bakusquad #yes i cried writing this #kiri writes

[strangerthingsharrington]

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-22-

The three of us sat in silence for the most part. Too afraid to talk because of the realization hitting us that the monster was closing in on the group at Starcourt.

The pain in my body began to catch up with me. Every inch of me was in pain, but especially my neck and arm. I looked down at my arm and the saw the deep purple bruise. I stared at it, wishing for it to go away. Wishing for me to wake up from this insane nightmare.

But if this nightmare hadn’t happened...then I would still look at Steve as the douchy king Steve version I had built up in my head for so long. And I was so happy and relieved to know that wasn’t the real him. At least not anymore.

“It’s gonna heal,” Dustin said.

I looked over at my brother, seeing him looking down at my bruise as well, “What? This?” I asked, moving my arm slightly.

He nodded and looked at me, “I know,” I told him, “doesn’t make it suck any less.”

He sighed, “I’m...Lou I’m really sorry for getting you involved in this.”

I shrugged lightly as I brought my knees up to my chest, “I would have been more upset to be left out...again. I’d rather be involved and know and help keep everyone safe, then just be sitting at home not knowing how much danger everyone was in.”

He kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds before looking away, to the tree line near Starcourt.

“I never told you anything to keep you safe,” Dustin began, “if something happened to me-I mean that obviously wouldn’t be good, but at least mom would still have someone,” he told me as his eyes began to tear, “dad just-he left her and us. And it sucks. It really does,” he said with a sniffle.

“By keeping you out of the loop, I was-ya know...trying to make sure that mom didn’t lose absolutely everyone in her life. I wanted to keep you safe and make sure that if something happened,” he stopped and looked to me with tears ready to overflow, “then at least you’d be okay and still here with mom so she wouldn’t be alone.”

My cheeks were damp with my own tears and I shook my head, “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, Dust. I appreciate you looking out for me, and I’m here now...and I will do anything to keep you safe. Anything.”

“I know, I just wish this shit wasn’t life or death,” he shrugged.

I grinned at him and wiped my cheeks, “We’re in this together, Dustin. All of us,” I added, looking over to Erica who had been watching us silently, “we’re gonna be good,” I promised.

Erica nodded once to me and looked away, not before a tear slipped down her face.

“Bald eagle has landed!” the panting voice of Murray Bauman came through Cerebro, “repay. Bald eagle has landed.”

I breathed out a laugh and looked to my brother who was grinning as well, “Holy shit, it’s gonna work,” Erica said, with a surprised edge to her voice.

“Come on,” Hop growled through the radio, “how much longer?”

“I dont know, I’ve never done this before!” Murray responded harshly.

The three of us again sat in silence waiting for Murray or Hop to give us the good news that they had gotten the keys. The sooner they got the keys, the sooner this would be over, then we could make sure everyone was okay.

I was hoping that Steve and a Robin had made it to the mall alright and nothing had happened to them while driving.

My heart rate started picking up just thinking about something bad happening to them or to anyone. It was like Dustin said. It really was life and death here unfortunately.

“Get ready lovebirds, you’re almost up to bat!” Bauman announced.

I felt the adrenaline begin picking back up in me. I stood up and walked the few steps to the edge of the hill and looked towards Starcourt. The lights were still flashing like crazy.

I started pacing back and forth waiting for something, anything to come over the radio.

“Lou, come back and sit, your legs are probably killing!” Dustin told me.

I shook my head, “I’m fine,” I insisted since I truly couldn’t feel the pain in my body anymore.

“Lou sit back down!” Erica called.

I shook my head, “I can’t, I’ll sit when we know Mrs. Byers and Hop got the keys.”

“Murray?” Hop questioned aggressively, “Your goddamn code is wrong.”

“What? Are you sure?” Murray responded.

“Yeah im sure,” Hop responded back.

“Well-I suppose it could be wrong...”

“How could it be wrong?” Hop shouted.

“The code is a number! A famous number. Planck’s constant. I -I thought I knew it,” Murray explained, tripping over his words.

“Shit,” I whispered to myself continuing to pace back and forth, “shit, shit, shit, shit.”

“Lou, you do know Planck’s constant?” Dustin called to me.

I looked back to the mall then back to him quickly, “No, I -I used to but not anymore.”

I looked back to the mall, as if I was expecting to see Steve and Robin arriving in one piece. I couldn’t focus on anything without knowing they were okay. I should’ve gone with him.

I knew in my heart that Dustin and Erica would be okay. I knew it and still believed it.

“What are you doing?” Erica asked loudly.

I looked back at the two of them and heard the static of the radio channels as Dustin moved through them.

“What are you doing, Dust?” I asked, taking a step towards them.

He looked up at me, “Trying to get the number for Hop!”

His hand stopped moving the radio knob as he settled on a different channel, he brought the microphone up to his lips, “Suzie do you copy?”

Suzie.

I walked over to them and dropped to my knees next to Dustin.

“Will she know it?” I asked him.

He looked to my with a grin and nodded, “She is one of the smartest people I know...if anyone knows it off by heart it’s her.”

“Suzie, you do copy?” he repeated.

“This is Suzie! I copy!” a sweet voice came through the radio, a pleasant change from Hopper and his angry tone all the time.

“Suzie!” Dustin said happily.

“Dusty-bun?” she questioned.

“Dusty-bun?” Erica repeated, disgusted.

“Where have you been?” Suzie asked my brother.

Dustin closed his eyes, “I’m so so sorry. I’ve-I’ve been really busy...uh, trying to save the world from Russians and monsters.”

Suzie giggled on the other end, “Of course you have!”

“Get the goddamn number!” Erica scolded loudly.

“Who was that?” Suzie asked, sounding worried about hearing another girl on my brothers end of the radio.

Dustin looked over to Erica angrily, “It was-huh I don’t know actually. I think it was just interference,” he said almost questioningly looking over to me.

I nodded and motioned with my hand to keep going.

“So why don’t we huh...change frequency to fourteen point one five eight?” he suggested.

“Copy that, changing frequency. Standby!” Suzie responded eagerly.

Dustin changed the radio to the frequency he told Suzie and sat back waiting for to talk to him again.

He looked at me quickly, “Everyone else is on this one...then they’ll be able to get Plancks constant right from her,” he explained.

I nodded, “Nice,” I said approvingly.

I looked over to Erica and she looked irritated beyond belief. She looked at me and raised her eye brow, motioning between Dustin and the radio. I shook my head, and brought a finger to my lips to make sure she knew to keep quiet.

I loved her sass, but we needed this number to save everyone. And the only way to get it was through Suzie.

“Dusty-bun, you copy?” her voice cut through the static.

“I copy Suzie-poo,” he smiled.

At that I’ll admit I almost lost it and started laughing. But I composed myself and calmed down.

“It sounds so much better now, thanks,” he told her, he cleared his throat, “Okay so listen, do you know Planck’s constant?” he asked cutting right to the chase.

“Do you know the earth orbits the sun?” she asked back as Dustin chuckled with a head nod.

“Okay so I know it starts with two sixes and then a...what is it?”

“Okay let me just be clear on this,” she began, “I haven’t heard from you in a week and now you want a mathematical equation that you should know so you can...save the world?”

I grimaced. I couldn’t help but agree with her. If Steve...or anyone hadn’t talked to me for a week then called me randomly for a reason like this...I’d be a little upset too.

“Suzie-poo, I promise I will make it up to you as soon as possible,” he pleaded.

“You can make it up to me now?” she suggested.

My brow furrowed as I looked to my brother who looked alarmed.

“What?” he questioned.

“I want to hear it,” she said.

“Not right now,” he said immediately looking to me.

“Yes now Dusty-bun!”

“Suzie-poo, this is urgent-“

“Yes, yes,” she cut him off, “you’re saving the world I got that the first time. But Ged is also saving Earthsea and he’s about to confront the shadow, so this is Suzie signing off.”

My eyes widened and I smacked my brother roughly on the shoulder motioning to the microphone, “Wait wait wait!” he called into the microphone, giving me a dirty look, “Okay! Okay!”

He took his finger off the button and looked ahead, “Shit,” he murmured.

I rolled by eyes at his attitude. What in the actual world could she be asking him to do that would make him hesitate getting the number that would unlock the key that would finally close this gate?

“Turn around, look at what you see,” my eyes widened and I looked to him unable to form any words.

He looked to me quickly before looking away awkwardly, “In her face, the mirror of your dream.”

Erica and I made eye contact behind Dustin’s back and the shear...dismay on her face was unmistakeable. She really did look utterly disgusted with what was happening.

Dustin was singing the theme for The Neverending Story. Over a radio. To his girlfriend in a different state.

I was more confused than anything.

“Make believe I'm everywhere, given in the light. Written on the pages is, the answer to our never ending story, ah. Reach the stars, fly a fantasy. Dream a dream. And what you see will be. Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds. And there upon a rainbow is the answer to our never ending story, ah. Story, ah.”

Dustin had a smile on his face at the conclusion of their surprising musical number. I had my eyes trained on him the whole time absolutely perplexed at what was happening.

“Plancks constant is six point six two six zero seven zero zero four,” Suzie said over the radio, much to my relief.

I smiled and looked to Dustin who was grinning while looking ahead, “You just saved the world,” he explained.

“Gosh I missed you Dusty-bun,” she sighed happily to him.

“I missed you more, Suzie-poo,” Dustin cooed to her.

“I miss you more multiplied by all the stars in our galaxy.”

“No I miss you more-“

“Enough,” Erica demanded shutting down their radio connection and cutting off Dustin mid sentence.

“So rude, Erica!” Dustin snapped.

She scoffed, “Well sorry that I don’t want to hear the two of you dorks talking all stupid to each other!”

“I’m sorry you’ve never been in love before!”

“I’m ten you dork, I don’t care about that shit! I care about not puking while you’re making googly eyes at a radio!”

“Both of you, enough!” I said as I stood up, “Can we just appreciate that they got the keys and this shit could be over any time now?”

I walked back to the spot where I could see the mall. The lights weren’t flickering anymore.

“Guys!” I called, smiling, “The mall-the lights are back to normal!”

They were at my sides immediately and I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Maybe El managed to kill the monster before they closed the gate? Either way knowing they were, hopefully, safe was a relief.

“How much longer?” Erica wondered.

I shrugged, “Who’s to say? Hopefully soon.”

“I knew El could do it,” Dustin said quietly.

I turned to him and smirked, “Now back to the Neverending Story singalong.”

He rolled his eyes, “Look it’s our little-little thing we do! We both love the movie and-and it’s just...our thing!”

I was already laughing as he explained himself, “Come on, Lou,” he stressed, “we got the number didn’t we? Doesn’t that count for something?”

“Oh it’ll count for something once you see the party again,” I laughed.

“Um. Guys?” Erica questioned.

I looked back at her as my laughter subsided, “Yeah?”

She didn’t turn her head to look at me, just stuck her arm out and pointed her finger.

I looked back out over the trees back to Starcourt. The lights...they were flickering even worse if that was possible.

My stomach dropped and my chest tightened. The monster was still there. Still going after them. And I wasn’t there to help.

——

Title credit to REO Speedwagon and gif credit to owner

Tag list : @queenofthehairharrington

#steve Harrington #Steve Harrington imagine #Steve Harrington x reader #steveharrington #stranger things #stranger things imagine #Netflix #Dustin Henderson

[daddyjayce]

As I sit here in the car with my hand on my hard cock I think to myself how badly I want to bust because I was just fucking jacking off on my way home with this hot ass fantasy in my head and I figured I was going to write it down so that maybe my lovely woman can fulfilll it or give me something to listen to to make it that much more real and then I was thinking how in love with her I am because I swear to God my cock only gets this hard when I think about her...watching porn you know whatever...(it's mediocre) she's not the same doesn't come anywhere close to being as amazing as her and the thoughts in my head that I have that involve her and only her I swear to God but you know what's awesome this whole time I mean it's part of the fantasy too though I haven't busted haven't came kept getting myself so close but not allowing it unless crazy you know why cuz I want her to make me come also part of the fantasy but point is my dick knows what it wants and that's her goddamn baby you make my dick rock hard...

Baby... take care of me please daddy wants that mouth that hand that fucking pussy please give it to Daddy, because daddy shouldn't have to beg but daddy feels like being nice tonight so what do you say can daddy have what daddy wants or does daddy have to take it??

(oh yeah, the fantasy...) so I already asked her to make me a new video to jerk off too but she didn't say a word about it so I'm not too sure what that means but I have no doubt in my mind about her fulfilling daddy's request. My little is awesome and there's not a thing I have suggested that she hasn't given me. She and I have such chemistry. It's fucking fire. Not only does my heart love this woman but my dick absolutely adores this lady as well.. So what I want the video to contain...

This may be TMI but baby already knows this... Not sure how she truly feels about it ...maybe I should ask her actually but anyway, daddy touches his cock while he drives. It's my only alone time really and idk, it eases my stress (I mean of course it does, I'm touching my dick) and makes it so I'm not begging my girlfriend for sex every second of the day because trust me I know she would get annoyed with how much I would want it. I'm a very horny individual and when my cock wants to be touched its gonna get touched or daddy gets rather angry and irritable and nobody wants to or deserves to deal with any of that. So ok...daddy touches himself while driving, I have been using the same very few videos for months now...maybe even a year and well, as much as I enjoy them... I need something new. I tried pornhub, it just doesnt get me there like she does. her voice. The things she says. Her mouth on my cock. Her pussy on my cock. Mmm..nothing like her. SO I would like new material and this roleplay sort of thing came into my head...where daddy just got off of work and is horny as fuck, baby is at home and more than ready and wiling to please daddy but daddy works 45 minutes away so it's not like a 5 minute fix daddy can wait type shit so baby calls him and talks to him on the drive home, gives him a JOI(jerk off instructions) sort of thing...lots of dirty talk about how he better pull that cock out right now (demanding attitude from you) and lots of cock worship (that's MY cock, mm daddy what a nice cock you have, it's so big, I need your cock, your cock is perfect, the only cock for me, my pussy is aching for your big sexy cock etc etc) but here's the fun part ...edging. daddy isn't allowed to cum, daddy has to get himself all the way there and then fucking stop. Demand no touching or else. Tell me how my cum belongs to only you and not to go to waste. how baby needs daddy's cum. Every drop. In her pussy. In her mouth. How your begging and aching hungry for my cum. + Some balls talk (tell me to okay with them, talk about how you can't wait to fit them in your mouth, tell me how you live the sound of my big balls hitting your ass as I pound that pretty little pussy) tell me how you're fucking your pussy too but also can't cum, how you pussy is wet and waiting for my cock and how I better hurry the fuck up...etc etc...and then I pull up, you see my lights and tell him come inside daddy, in more ways than one.click.

Fuck. I'm so hard.

You're telling me to come inside now.

I don't want to upset you so I'm done now..hopefully you aren't upset already.

Mmm I hope you're in the mood to take me tonight. I need it. I want it. I fucking love you and that pussy.

@jsismydaddy

[punksarahreese]

Accident | 4 mg Ativan

Nosdecember day 9 | @neworleansspecial

Anxious!ava; Ava oversteps by accident and Connor’s reaction causes problems

CW: fighting, panic attacks, cognitive distortions

Repost because I’m a clown who accidentally deleted the original post

***

"Ava," Connor was mad, Ava could hear it in his voice even before she saw his face. She was just trying to make coffee, back turned to the door as she fought with the machine that wouldn’t cooperate. The way the door closed less than gently and the footsteps coming up behind her made her stomach drop a little. She hated that tone, hated the way her name sounded when someone said it with hostility. It made her want to run, but this was real life and she couldn’t do that.

"Connor," Ava tried to keep her tone level, pretending her voice wasn’t trembling a little as she turned to look at him.

He was mad, tablet in hand as he glared daggers at her. Ava hated that look, when his ego was clearly seeping through and one little thing that didn’t go his way made him act like this. He was about to throw a tantrum, she was sure, and usually that would make her more annoyed than anything. However, the way he had her borderline backed up against the counter made her feel more intimidated than she liked.

"Why was my surgery postponed and my patient allowed to break her fast?"

Ava raised an eyebrow, "Latham asked me to cover your pre-ops since you didn’t bother to show up for rounds this morning."

"That doesn’t answer my question, Ava."

"I’m not here for you to demand things of me, Connor," she retorted as she forced herself to stand her ground, "She’s diabetic."

"So?"

"So her white count and blood sugar were low," Ava rolled her eyes, "A bloody med student would be able to tell me why we had to postpone her surgery."

"We didn’t do anything! You ruined my operating schedule."

"She would have gone into hypoglycaemic shock, Connor. She definitely wouldn’t have made it off that operating table and if she did her risk of post-op infection was too high!"

"That’s not the point, Ava!" He spat and the anger in his voice made her jump a little. He was overreacting, she knew that, but this was getting to be too much. She had been overwhelmed all morning, after sleeping through her alarm and having to rush through her routine to get to work on time. This was proving to be yet another change in her schedule that was only stressing Ava out more.

"Then what’s the fucking problem, Connor?"

“You are,” he was clearly referencing more than just her meddling with one surgery, even if she had good reason. He was mad at her, for whatever reason, and was using this as an excuse to lash out at her. Ava just stared at him, both because she was waiting for him to elaborate and because she did not know how to respond. Usually an argument with Connor was no big deal, since they argued on the daily, but since she was already overwhelmed this was way too much already. She wanted to run, to leave and go find Sarah because she would be able to keep her calm, but she couldn’t. Ava never backed down from a fight, especially not when Connor and her job were concerned, and she definitely was not going to let him win now.

“All you ever do is get in the way,” Connor spat, “I have a system and this was an important surgery, now you’ve gone and messed it up. You meddle too much, Ava, and it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Excuse me?” her tone was incredulous because, really, he was making no sense, “Since when do you have a system? You’re the most erratic and trigger-happy surgeon I have had the displeasure of meeting.”

He didn’t validate that with a response, choosing instead to glare at her more, which only made Ava more upset. Him and his goddamn “holier-than-thou” attitude would drive her crazy one day. He was being entirely unfair too, since she had, in this case, done just was what required for the patient’s safety.

“Why are you on my ass about this all of a sudden? Last time I checked you were the one on Latham’s bad side today because you didn’t show for your pre-ops. Besides, I was thinking about the patient here.”

“Were you, Ava?”

The accusatory tone did not sit right with the other surgeon at all, “What are you insinuating now?”

“Were you thinking about the patient?” his question must have been rhetorical because he didn't let her answer, “Or where you just trying to get me back in the doghouse with Latham?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Connor, what the hell? Why would you even accuse me of that?”

He just scoffed, as if her shock was ridiculous to him, “I wouldn’t put anything past you, Ava.”

Ava stared at him in confusion, honestly hurt that he thought that lowly of her. They may have their differences but they have worked together long enough to know when the other was joking or just being difficult. Connor was serious now and it was so frustrating, he knew Ava would not put a patient in danger like that just to mess with his surgery.

“Just stay out of my way, Ava,” he turned to leave and only looked back at her dismissively, “Don’t mess with my surgeries.”

When the door to the CT lounge slammed shut again, Ava found herself shakily letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She set her coffee cup on the counter again, realizing her knuckles had turned white from how tightly she was gripping the mug. Her head was reeling, trying to take in everything that had just happened. Connor’s accusations were ringing in her head, making her question where the hell this thought that she would sabotage him like that for no reason even came from.

Before she was even completely aware, Ava found herself sliding down the cabinet and landing less than gently on the floor. The ugly hospital linoleum was cold through the thighs of her scrubs, making her shiver both out of anxiety and the temperature drop. Her mind was racing, all of Connor’s words hitting her way too hard all of a sudden. She could usually brush off his comments with an eye roll and a reminder that he was just being egotistical, but this time they stung.

Maybe it was because she was already overwhelmed, the morning had been too stimulating and too many things were out of place. Whatever the reason, Ava’s anxiety decided to hit full force the second she was alone. She couldn’t breathe, it was all too much and guilt was hurting her like a rolling wave.

Why was she even guilty? There was no reason for her to feel this way, because she had absolutely done the right thing. She even clarified with Latham afterwards and he agreed that he would have done the same. Ava did what was in the patient’s best interest, Connor’s accusation was completely misplaced and ridiculous.

So why was this hurting her so much?

It was his anger, the way he yelled at her and had her cornered like that. Connor wouldn’t hurt her physically, she knew that for certain, but it still scared her. Her anxiety was never rational but when it came to conflict it was inconsolable. She could only hold on to her façade for so long before she broke, which is what this was. She didn’t mean to upset him, didn’t mean to make him angry. It was all an accident; she didn’t mean to.

“S-stupid Connor,” she muttered, “S-stu...stupid God co-complex.”

Her breath was coming out in ragged gasps by this point, short nails digging into her arms to ground herself. Mind racing, she tried so hard to focus on something, anything, but she couldn’t. His words were ringing in her head like a shrill shriek, not letting her ignore them. They began morphing too, into other distortions her brain insisted were real.

All you ever do is get in the way.

You meddle too much, Ava.

You’re the problem.

You.

You’re not worth it.

You’re selfish.

You did this.

Fraud.

Nuisance.

Disappointment.

Her hands clapped over her ears like she could block out the intrusive thoughts from the outside. She was shaking like a leaf, panic overtaking her completely. Stomach rolling, Ava felt like she was going to be sick with how overwhelmed she was. The fluorescent lighting made her feel way too hot and brought tears to her eyes along with the panic. Her head was reeling, too much going on and no Sarah or Ativan or any of her comfort objects to calm her down.

All of her coping mechanisms went out the window in that moment, slumped over knees and breathing rapidly. Her hands were over her ears or on her neck, nails digging in deep because it was the only way she could ground herself. Pain stims aren’t healthy, she knew that, but in that moment all she knew was she felt like she was suffocating. She deserved this, her brain insisted, the pain was the least she deserved in that moment.

All you ever do is get in the way, Ava.

#ava bekker #connor rhodes #4 mg ativan #anxious!ava #my aus #my-writing #userglow #mutuals #neworleansspecial #nosdecember

[spaceskam]

ao3

Alex knew he picked a good choice of best friend when Kyle's response to Alex being dumped was to haul him into the car and start the 11 hour drive to Las Vegas.

The whole drive was spent full of Kyle distracting him and hyping him up, stopping by a daiquiri shop on the way there and getting him the largest size. It was a little weird, but Alex found that he was endlessly grateful. He needed this.

"You were too hot for him anyway," Kyle said a few hours in, "You deserve someone who could at least be a model, but not more of a model than you, you feel me?"

"Yeah,* Alex laughed, smiling at him as he sipped his drink, "I feel you."

"But it's all good. We're going to find you a hot piece of ass to rail," Kyle declared, "Or get railed by, I don't judge."

"Jesus Christ, Kyle," Alex laughed, but he just flashed that charming smile and went on with driving.

When they arrived in Vegas, the city was already lit up for the night and Kyle got a hotel room that they didn't stay in for long. He immediately led the way to a casino and paid Alex's way. Whenever Alex tried to refuse the handouts, Kyle insisted and said it was his idea so he would pay.

They spent the next few hours getting drunk and winning little sums of money. $20 here, $5 there, nothing fancy. But Alex was having more fun with Kyle than he had in his entire relationship, so it was easy to get lost in it.

"Alex," Kyle called, catching him by the belt loop and tugging him closer, "Blow on these for good luck."

Alex felt his face flush and a few sets of eyes were on them, but he blew on the set of dice Kyle shoved in his face nonetheless. He watched him throw them onto the table afterwards and a few separate things happened that he didn't quite understand having never been the gambling type. People cheered, though, and Kyle kissed the side of his face without hesitation.

"Told you!" Kyle exclaimed, "Good luck charm. What's his face didn't even know what he had."

Alex felt his face get even hotter and soaked up the praise without question.

Kyle kept him close as they eventually left the casino when they had a solid amount of winnings, taking their tipsy asses to a drag bar a few blocks away. They were let in surprisingly easy for not being dressed up in the slightest. They drank more, talking closer over the loud music and getting absolutely lost in each other's company. Alex felt like the luckiest man in the entire universe.

A few times, Kyle tried to introduce him to men he thought he might be interested in, but Alex always found Kyle significantly more interesting. He didn't mind going to bed alone if it meant just having Kyle. He eventually got that and stopped sending other guys his way, instead accepting drinks from interested parties and sharing them with each other.

"Men suck. All of them. Except maybe you," Alex said confidently, drunk enough to speak his mind but not enough to mess with his balance (for the most part) as they walked down the lively street. Kyle seemed to be on the same level because he smiled, squeezing Alex's hip since he had a grip on him so he wouldn't lose him as they headed towards the hotel. "God, I wish you were gay."

Kyle laughed loudly, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" Alex exclaimed, "You're, like, the only man I've met who understood what, like, growth is."

"What can I say? Therapy is a recommendation in my hospital," Kyle said. Alex snorted. "But glad I could be a good example."

"Yeah," Alex sighed, "You're my favorite person."

"Good," Kyle said, kissing the side of his head for what felt like the billionth time that night, "'Cause you're mine."

They were a block away from the hotel when they came across a 24-hour chapel. Kyle slowed as they neared it and came to a complete stop as he stared at it.

"You wanna get married?" Kyle asked. Alex blinked twice and looked at him.

"Seriously?" Alex said. His mind instantly started trying to be rational. Was he drunk? Was Kyle? What exactly did him asking that mean? Was it a joke? Would it be platonic? Would it be crazy to say yes even if it was?

"Yeah, why not?" Kyle said, looking at him with a fairly reckless smile. It reminded him of young Kyle who had talked him into sneaking into an abandoned house or had spontaneously learned how to do a backflip because he wanted to. He'd gotten a little more responsible since then, but it was nice to see. "Alex Manes deserves to give a nice fuck you to society and I'd love to do the honors of being that fuck you."

And, before Alex could even convince himself to ask questions, he nodded.

"Okay, sure."

Both drunk of hours of alcohol and each other, they found themselves standing in front of a tacky alter with a bouquet of faux flowers in Alex’s hand. They only partially listened to the guy who got his ordination credentials online, instead making teasing faces at each other. Alex felt like he was going to burst out of his skin, feeling a little confused and a little overwhelmed and a lot eager to understand what this meant. Would they frame their marriage license to put his dad’s grave and drink champagne in front of him? Would they use this for shared financial benefits? The healthcare between an Air Force officer and a doctor would be pretty sweet.

Except when the officiant said that they could kiss, Alex didn’t actually expect to Kyle to go for it. Or maybe he did because Kyle seemed to go in for a cheek kiss and Alex turned his head to meet his lips and Kyle just pulled him closer. And then Alex didn’t actually remember the kiss ending. 

It was like he blinked and they were back at the hotel, pressed into the corner of the elevator as they shared the alcohol still on their tongues. Then they were in the hotel room, two queen sized beds with a single nightstand between them and Kyle led them towards the one closest to the door to share.

It only stopped when Alex had to take his prosthetic off and, even then, Kyle pressed kisses across his shoulders and up his neck and certifiably destroying Alex’s ability to overthink anything. All he could think about was Kyle and how he wanted to touch him and how they had fucking signed a marriage certificate.

After the prosthetic was off, Kyle grabbed his jaw and sealed them in another kiss, pulling him to lay back on the bed. He seemed like he knew what he was doing and that was equally as confusing as the rest of the things that were happening that night, so he stopped questioning it. He welcomed Kyle’s skin and his touch and his kisses and he only had to help him out with an angle here and there.

It wasn’t until he woke up the next morning plastered into Kyle’s side, naked and warm and finally more sober, that he realized he didn’t understand. More than just that, he was outright confused about everything that had happened. Kyle, his straight friend, had just casually married him and slept with him after he got dumped. Did he do it because he felt bad for him? Did he do it because he was drunk? Did he even remember it?

Alex sat up and looked at him. He was sound asleep still, eyes closed and chest rising and falling with each breath. Tiny bruises that Alex had accidentally put on him were partially hidden under his facial hair. He was gorgeous. And so, so, so not into him like that.

Alex quickly got his prosthetic on and pulled on his clothes before he went into the bathroom, avoiding his reflection as he splashed water on his face. He didn’t want to look at himself, didn’t want to face the fact that he felt like absolutely garbage for what he’d done. The whole “marriage” was blurry, but Alex probably guilted him into it somehow. He didn’t remember, though, and that made it worse.

But, honestly, whatever happened was bad. Kyle was his best friend, the main person he could rely on, his safe space. And he fucked it all up by letting it go too far. He was going to lose his best friend because he couldn’t be responsible.

“Alex?” Kyle’s voice called. Alex’s whole body ached in response, a flood of guilt and shame and desire all hitting him at once. 

Kyle was his friend and he ruined it and, yet, he wanted to ruin it more. With him, he had fun and felt wanted and safe. No matter how stupid they were being, Alex never felt like the rug was being pulled out from beneath him. He was just safe. He wanted more of that.

“Hey, you okay in there?” Kyle asked, knocking gently. Alex squeezed his eyes closed. “You hungover? I can go get you something to drink. You like red Gatorade, right?”

Alex huffed a laugh and caved, swinging the door of the bathroom open. Kyle stood on the other side in all his naked glory and, honestly, it was a goddamn trap. It had to be. No one just looked like that casually.

“What happened last night?” Alex asked. Kyle stared at him, blinking a few times in confusion before his eyes widened slightly.

“You were that drunk?” he asked. Alex shook his head.

“No, I remember, I just... don’t,” Alex said, scraping his hands over his face, “I don’t get it. I don’t understand. Why did any of that happen? Did I make you feel like you had to or something?”

“You think I would marry you because I felt like I had to?” Kyle asked, a disbelieving tone in his voice. Alex didn't answer. "Look, it was a stupid ceremony and, and I don't think the license is even notarized officially or filed or whatever, so we can just rip it up and pretend it didn't happen if you want."

"Okay, so we pretend that didn't happen," Alex said loosely, his voice tightening as he got a little more upset and be gestured to the bed they'd shared, "How do we pretend that didn't happen?"

Kyle looked away from him for a second, falling so quiet they could hear the footsteps from the people in the room above them. Alex didn't know what to do.

"You want to forget that happened?" Kyle asked cautiously.

Alex huffed a laugh, “You don’t?”

Kyle was quiet for a long time, so long that Alex was beginning to feel sick. He felt like he drastically misunderstood something or maybe Kyle just was incredible at confusing him. Alex liked kissing him and, sure, the thought had crossed his mind more than once that Kyle would be the perfect boyfriend. Kyle was nice and thoughtful and cared about him. But he never in a million years thought Kyle might’ve thought about it too.

“Yeah, if you want to, sure. We forget it happened,” Kyle said, walking back towards the heart of the room to search for his clothes. Alex’s eyebrows were pulled together as he cautiously followed.

“Kyle, what the fuck is going on?” he asked. Kyle seemed to put an ample amount of attention into buttoning his jeans. “Don’t you want to forget it? I mean, I’d figure you’d want to forget sleeping with a guy.”

Kyle dropped his shirt and turned to face him.

“You must think real highly of yourself if you think I just decided to be bisexual because I wanted to make you feel better,” Kyle stated blatantly, “And you must think really highly of me if you think I was that good on my first try.”

“Wait,” Alex said, holding a hand up as he tried to process his words, “Wait, you...”

“I’m bi? Yes. And was it stupid to hook up with you knowing you just got out of a relationship? Also yes, but I’m not known to make good decisions when it comes to my romantic or sexual relationships, so,” Kyle said, throwing his arms out and letting them fall to his side pathetically.

Alex thought back through the last few months, trying to think back to any of the signs of Kyle realizing that about himself. He couldn’t remember when Kyle ever started acting differently. He was always just Kyle.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked. Kyle took a long, deep breath.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders, “Probably because I knew if I did, I’d have a lot less things keeping me from trying to marry you on a whim in the middle of Las Vegas.”

“Okay,” Alex said, slowly sitting down on the bed. A few seconds passed before Kyle sat beside him, sighing. Alex eventually looked at him after he processed his words. “You didn’t have to tell me if you weren’t ready. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I’m in love with you, Alex,” Kyle said, so openly that Alex’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head, “I have been for a long time and I’m tired of hiding it. Especially after last night. And if you’re not into me like that, okay, fine, I can take it. I-I need a little space, but we’re friends first and I can learn to stop loving you like that. But I need you to tell me because if you don’t, I’m going to sit and wait for the rest of my life.”

“You know, I didn’t expect this whenever you suggested we drive to Vegas,” Alex said, mind swimming with a million thoughts at Kyle’s confession. Kyle huffed a small laugh, but he didn’t try to add anything.

They sat there for a long time, Kyle letting him think over what he said. It was strange to think that, while Alex was dating idiots who didn’t treat him right, Kyle was just there and waiting for him to notice. It made a mess of the last year, a slew of overthinking every interaction. Was Kyle being nice because he was Kyle, or because he wanted to sleep with him? Or was it just because he loved him? Genuinely, truly loved him and didn’t make him feel like that was a bad thing? Was that a thing someone could do?

“Do you really love me?” Alex clarified after awhile. Kyle gently nudged his knee into Alex’s.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t have said that if I hadn’t thought about it every day for months,” he promised, “I love you and I want what’s best for you, whatever that means. So if you want me to fuck off, I will. If you want me to stay, then I will. Ball’s in your court.”

Alex took a deep breath and looked at him seriously. His handsome features, his honest eyes, the little hickies hidden in his facial hair. Alex wouldn’t mind looking at him forever, especially when that wasn’t all he had to offer.

“Can we do something in the middle?” Alex asked. Kyle waited. “Can we spend this weekend in Vegas being stupid and reckless, but when we got back to Roswell, give me some time to actually get over my last relationship. And then we start from square one? I don’t want you to be a rebound.”

“You don’t want me to be a rebound, but you wanna sleep with me again first?” Kyle clarified. Alex blinked innocently and gave a short nod in response. Kyle just laughed, moving forward back into his space and kissing him again.

Alex wasn’t sure if it was the sobriety, the love confession, or just the lack of confusion in general, but this kiss seemed to transcend all the previous ones. He leaned into it more, letting Kyle just love him openly and honestly.

And he liked that feeling.

#kylex #kylex fic #kyle valenti #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #this is based on a tiktok i saw like a month ago

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 11

A/N: Next chapter is here. This one has some angst. I expected dinner to go longer but the angst felt like it needed to take precedent. There is a slight time jump about half way through the chapter. Feedback is always appreciated!  Trigger warning alcohol abuse. implied drunk driving. 

I was up early again the next morning to start getting things ready for dinner. The counter quickly became a picture of organized chaos. I had ingredients for dessert out on the island, waiting to be made into my mum’s favourite cake. Monty woke up a while later and after a cup of coffee, was ready to help me cook. “Morning love.” I greeted after he finished his coffee.

“Morning you.” He kissed my forehead softly. “What do you need help with first?”

“Can you grab the mushrooms and plastic wrap please? I’m getting ready to start heating the pan for the meat up now.”

“Sure thing. What am I doing with them?”

“Blitzing them.” I stated. Looking up from my cake recipe, I bit my lip to hold back a laugh. He looks so confused. It’s adorable.

“What now? Also don’t do that.”

“Blitzing them. In the food processor until they’re chopped small. Don’t do what?” I asked, coyly, pushing his very pushable buttons.

“You know exactly what. Don’t think I’m not taking note of all these tests missy. It’s going to be a very long day for you in a few weeks.”

“Oh I’m counting on you noting.” I muttered under my breath. He growled lowly and I whimpered. “Mushrooms mister. That’s what you need to be concerned with. Not sex.”

“The mushrooms can wait a few minutes.”

“We can’t have sex and I’m not giving you a blowjob in the kitchen.” I told him as I moved to the stove to turn on the heat.

“I didn’t say anything about blowjobs or the kitchen Addison.”

I paused. Insufferable. “You are such a little shit. Sit down and blitz my mushrooms.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Don’t ever call me that again. It’s too domme-y for me.”

Monty laughed and muttered a retort under his breath. Ignoring his sexual comment and the ever-present sexual tension, I set about getting the cake batter ready.

While the cake was in the oven, I set about searing the meat and getting the prosciutto ready for wrapping. I could feel Monty’s eyes on me as I worked. He gave me the bowl of the food processor and I dumped them into a dry pan, as per the recipe instructions. The meat was seared off and resting on a plate. Everything was going according to plan. I had Monty slather the tenderloin in mustard and wrap it tightly again. “Now it sits in the fridge for a while.”

“I can think of many things we can do to occupy our time.” He smirked, cheekily at me.

“Montgomery. No.”

“Okay, okay. Can’t blame a guy for trying.” I grinned at him and walked around the island, over to the laundry closet.

“You can help me fold laundry instead.”

“Oh joy.” He rolled his eyes playfully. I giggled at him and he smiled. Together, we went about folding the laundry on our bed and organizing it into the appropriate drawers. He made the odd lude comment on my underwear and I simply shook my head. My man and his one-track mind.

Once the laundry was folded, we set the table and got a few more dinner elements ready to be cooked. Mom loves mashed garlic potatoes, so I tossed some garlic in oil and roasted it. Soon, the whole house smelled like the sweet aroma of roasted garlic. I had Monty man the vegetables while I went and changed into my red sweater dress. He changed into a dressier flannel and crisp white t-shirt. How can one man make white look so nice? We spent the rest of the day taking care of minor household things and enjoying each other’s company.

My parents arrived at five, with salad in hand. Dad must have told her we were having food. “Hey Mum, hey Dad.” I called from my place at the island. I lit a cinnamon candle a few minutes ago to cover the garlic smell.

“Hi sweetie. Where’s my favourite son-in-law?” Mom joked.

“Right here. Hi Margot. Happy birthday.” Monty greeted her, exiting our room and balancing his crutches to hug her. “Hey Brooks.” He greeted my dad.

“Hey Monty.  How’s the leg feeling? Hey Addy.” My dad asked, hanging up their coats before walking over and giving me a side hug. It was still kind of awkward for my dad to hug me, but I smiled and hugged him back.

“Meh. It’s feeling okay. The pain comes and goes.”

“It feels better when he actually uses his crutches and rests.” I teased playfully.

“Yes dear.” He shot back. I shook my head, smiling, and got the waiting wellington out of the fridge. The oven beeped as I closed the door and put it in.

“Happy birthday mom.”

“Thank you. It smells delicious.”

“Beef wellington and garlic mashed potatoes with steamed assorted carrots.”

“My favourite.” She smiled.

“Babe would you mind filling a pot with water for the potatoes?”

“Sure.” I nodded and went about peeling the potatoes. “Salt?”

“Yes please. Oh, and Justin says happy birthday too mom.”

“Tell him thank you for me.”

“I will.”

The four of us spent the half hour while dinner cooked and rested, chatting about our weeks. Dinner was fairly uneventful, but delicious. Mum loved her new pumpkin vanilla candle and chocolate strawberry tea. Dad and I continued to try and navigate our new relationship. All in all, it was a nice way to end a weekend.

A couple of weeks later, Montgomery was given the all clear to begin physio by Dr. Marcus. Thankfully for both of us, that also meant he was cleared to begin to foray back into “physical intimacy”. Nothing too crazy yet. Yeah right. That’ll last maybe one round. It seemed that he was more excited to get to drive home than to have sex for the first time in weeks. In addition to sex, he was also able to give up the crutches for the most part. It was only if there was a particularly intense physio session, he would use them. He still wasn’t cleared to play sports, nor would he be for quite some time.

Even with not being able to actually play ball, being one step closer to that goal, seemed to help bring him back to normal a bit. Everything was going great for a week or two. He would go to physio three times a week and do his assigned exercises without complaint. He made sure not to push himself too hard. He didn’t stay out very late on game nights, and when he did, he would call or text me to let me know he was okay and on his way home.

I woke up to the sound of something crashing to the floor. In my half-sleeping state, I reached out to Montgomery’s side of the bed and found it cold. Feeling my nerves grow at being alone in the house, I checked the alarm clock beside the bed. 2:24am. I gulped and got out of bed, grabbing one of Monty’s sweaters to wear and the baseball bat he kept next to the dresser. I’ll never give him crap for keeping a bat next to the bed again.

Walking out of our room, I turned a corner and heard a very familiar voice. Monty was standing in the living room, muttering curse words to himself. I lowered the bat and turned on the lamp, causing him to jump, trying to hide what he had broken behind him. I could tell he was wasted just by looking at him. He had to hold on to the wall to keep himself upright. I set my face stoically and stared at him for a moment. It was then that I saw what he had broken. It was the framed photo on our side table, of us on our wedding day. Now I’m a little more upset. “It’s 2:30 in the morning.” I stated with my arms folded at my chest. He didn’t respond. Instead, he looked at me with an odd mixture of surprise and guilt. I shook my head and pivoted around to go back to bed, but not before firmly shutting the bedroom door.

The next morning, I woke up and got ready as usual. I walked out to the kitchen and did a double take at what I was witnessing. Shockingly, Monty was up and dressed in clean clothes already. He even had a cup of coffee to drink. I didn’t hear him come in our room. “Morning.” He said, from his seat at the table. He didn’t appear to be nursing that bad of a hangover, shockingly. Still mad, I ignored him, making myself a cup of coffee and getting my bag together for school. I didn’t spare the side table a glance, knowing that if I did, I would snap. His eyes followed my every move, probably internally begging me to speak to him.

“I’m meeting with my English teacher before class so I’m leaving now.” was all I said to him before I left the house.

I left the meeting with Mr. Luft about a recommendation letter in better spirits than when I left the house. It was a short-lived feeling because I spotted Monty brooding from across the hall. I knew he was waiting for me because he had neither a locker nor a class in this building at this time. My anger came back in full force when I saw him. Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I walked straight past him. He followed close behind, hot on my heels. “Addy can we please talk about this?” I didn’t respond. He sighed gruffly, “can you say anything at all to me?” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see my face. When we were away from students, in a less crowded area of the building, he tried again. “Addison, please?”

“I’m not fighting with you in public.” I told him, not turning around.

“We don’t have to fight in public. Will you please just say something about what happened? Are you really this upset about the fact that I broke a picture frame?” Upset that he… seriously? That’s what he thinks this is about? I mean, I’m upset that its broken, but it can be replaced. I’m upset because he came home drunk… again. I’m upset because he didn’t even text me to let me know he wasn’t coming home for a while, if it all. I’m not upset because of a goddamn picture frame.

“Don’t bother coming home tonight.” I ground out before walking away.

My friends were surprised when I walked over to their table at lunch and put my bag down, rather aggressively. “Hey Addy.” Tony greeted.

“Hey.” I replied, trying to keep the shortness out of my tone.

“How’re you?” Alex asked, digging around in his lunch bag.

“Fine. But let’s not talk about me. How are you guys?”

“Right. Fine. Uh… I’m good.” Justin said, giving me a cursory glance.

“I’m good too. Justin learned not to throw food at me in bed this morning.” Clay added.

“Justin don’t throw food at your brother. It’s rude.” I told him, shaking my head.

“Or keep doing it so we can give Clay a hard time about it, your choice.” Alex laughed. We carried on for a while, my friends bringing a smile and some light to what had started as a very gloomy day. The light shifted again when Scott approached our table.

“Addison, can we talk for a minute?”

“About?” I asked casually, as I dipped my cucumber in salsa.

“Why Monty is eating fruit snacks, fruit snacks, and sadness for lunch?”

“I had a meeting this morning.”

“Okay. What about the fact that he said you told him not to come home tonight?” he implored. My friends froze.

“Yes.” I stated.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to discuss it with you. It’s our business.”

“Addy. He’s my best friend and he is upset. It is my business.”

“What happened Addison?” Justin asked, reaching across the table for my hand.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I muttered, feeling like I was being backed into a corner and struggling to find my way out. I pulled my hand out of Justin’s reach. He’s the one who screwed up here. Not me. Stop making me feel like garbage for needing some space for one day. Scott shook his head, in disbelief.

“Well you’re going to have to talk to him. You’re stuck together now. Or did you forget about the whole ‘better or worse’ part of your vows?”

That got my anger going again. “I am not discussing my marriage with you Scott Reed. Especially not in a room full of people who are just counting the days until we decide we made a mistake and file for divorce. This is an issue between my husband and me. Not my husband, me, and my husband’s best friend. And never insinuate that I do not take my vows seriously again.” I whisper-yelled, standing to walk away. Justin stood up too.

“I just want to help. He’s my best friend and you’re my friend.”

“You can help by giving him a place to crash tonight.” I said, walking away.

Justin followed behind me with my bag, which I left at the table in my haste to get away from the situation. He pulled me into an empty classroom, and I felt hot, angry, sad tears fill my eyes.

“What happened Addy?”

I tried to respond but all that would come out were gasps and squeaks. Justin pulled me into his arms and embraced me while I cried in his chest. The frustration of the last thirteen hours had finally reared its head and I couldn’t stop the floodgates from opening. A knock on the door made me remember where we were, and I stepped away from my best friend. Scott opened the door a bit and poked his head in the room.

“Can we talk about this now?”

I didn’t respond but Justin waved him in the room and motioned for him to shut the door. We stared at each other for a solid three minutes before I spoke, “I told you I’m not discussing my marriage with you Scott.”

“If he is going to spend the night in my parents’ guest room, I think I deserve to know what actually happened to cause it.”

“What did he tell you?” I asked, sighing.

“That he broke the picture from your wedding last night. But you wouldn’t be this mad about a picture frame, so there has to be more to the story.”

I laughed humourlessly. “Yeah. Try ‘broke it this morning’ when he came home at 2:30 so wasted he could barely hold himself up. And couldn’t call or send me a fucking text message that he would be out late. I was up until 12:30 worrying about him, when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.” The boys gaped at me. “Left that part out, did he?”

“Uh… yeah. He did.” Scott paused briefly. “I thought you guys talked about the occasionally overdrinking. And it was basically a non-issue now.”

“It was until last night.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Justin offered. “From what you’ve said I don’t think he’s an alcoholic by any means, and NA is different than AA, but the basics are the same.”

“I don’t know. I think I need to talk to him first and see if he will tell me what’s going on. This can’t become a thing.”

“A thing?” Scott asked.

“What is the one thing Monty is afraid of aside from me leaving him?”

Scott thought for a moment. “Becoming his da-. Oh. Yeah that can’t happen.”

“Exactly. So, I will talk to him tomorrow about it when he comes home. In the meantime, try to keep him occupied please? I don’t need him spiralling and making things worse.”

“I will. Might have to give him hell first though.”

“Okay. As his wife, I give you permission to do that.” He hugged me before leaving Justin and I on our own.

“Do you want me to come over tonight to keep you company? We can watch stupid movies.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I think I need to be alone to think for a while.” I hugged him, “thank you. I’ll text you or call you if I need you.”

“You’re welcome. If you need me to come over, I will. Just say the word.” I nodded as I pulled out my compact. My makeup didn’t look too bad considering I had cried. Taking out a tissue, I wiped underneath my eyes and touched up a little bit. Just as I finished, the bell rang.

Coming home to an empty house wasn’t unusual, what with Monty’s sports schedule and other things in our lives, but there was something different about this time. I told him not to be here. I didn’t want him here. He wasn’t in our home because of me. For some reason, that made the house feel a little colder and a little less like home tonight. “Well, I guess I should make myself some food or something.” I muttered into the quiet house. Working quickly, I whipped up a pita pizza and some veggies, before opening up my laptop to work on some more essays.

A few long, lonely hours later, I turned off my computer and went to change. Unconsciously, I went into Monty’s dresser and grabbed a shirt to sleep in, along with a pair of my softer pyjama bottoms. Curling up in my spot on the couch, I turned on the tv and checked my phone. Justin texted me about an hour ago, as had Scott. There was a couple of apologies from Monty that I ignored. Seemed pretty clear that I didn’t want to talk to him but sure. I swiped to open Justin’s text first.

Hey Addy. Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Do you need anything? This is me reminding you not to work on your essays for too long and not overthink too much. I love you.

Hey, I’m okay. A little lonely but I think I need it tbh. I’ll try not to think too much, but we both know how my brain works. Scott’s texts were next.

We got home safe. Mom and Dad are a little concerned about him but other than that, it’s all good. I’m still giving him hell for you.

Thanks Scott. Make sure he eats something of actual nutritional value please. Monty’s texts remained unopened.

I eventually turned my attention to the end table and the broken picture frame. Carefully picking it up, I examined it. The frame itself had broken in two places and the glass was shattered. Thankfully, the photo was still intact. “Time to dig through our stuff for a new frame.” Finding one was easy enough. They were on sale a while ago at IKEA, so we bought a bunch. Soon the picture was back in its rightful place on the table. At least one part of this mess was taken care of.

By ten thirty, I was ready to go to sleep and forget about the stress of the day. I went about the ninety-seven thousand things I do before bed as usual. I crawled into the large, cool bed and curled up in the same position I usually did, in an attempt to help myself fall asleep. It turns out, sleep wasn’t going to be easy to come by. I rolled onto my back, and then onto my side. When those positions weren’t comfortable, I rolled onto my stomach and then back to the other side. I tried turning Monty’s pillow longways so I could cuddle it. It smelled like him, which was nice, but it was too soft and didn’t move like he was breathing. I put the pillow back in its normal position and tried to stretch out. That didn’t help either. You know where he is. It’s not like he’s in danger. You can go to sleep. He is safe. Just sleep. The tossing and turning and racing thoughts went on for at least another few hours, before I decided I needed to take a sleeping pill. I had to get enough sleep, in order to deal with the argument that would most likely occur tomorrow.

I was awake at the ungodly hour of six am on a Saturday, lying in bed, trying in vain to get at least a couple more hours of sleep. By six thirty I gave up on that plan. I dragged myself out of bed and made a very large, very strong, cup of coffee. Deciding it was probably time to bite the bullet and read Monty’s various apologies, I took a deep breath and opened his messages.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I screwed up Addison.

Please don’t be mad at me. I love you.

I love you.

Please talk to me. I know I fucked up, but this silence is killing me.

Addison. Baby. Please.

I need you.

Please just tell me how to fix this?

Addy, please talk to me. I’m really fucking sorry.

Okay, Scott says if I don’t stop texting you and go to bed, he’s throwing my phone in the garbage. I love you and I’m still sorry. I couldn’t stop the urge to roll my eyes at the string of pleases. He made no mention of what he actually did. I sent him a quick text, knowing he wouldn’t answer at this hour.

We will talk at home. Tell Scott and his family thank you for letting you stay there for me. With that arduous task completed, I puttered around the house, tidying the nonexistent mess.

I was lounging on the couch, reading a book, when I heard the door unlock. I didn’t look up until I had finished my page and Montgomery cleared his throat. “Hi.” He greeted me, awkwardly.

“Hi.” We were silent for a few beats. Neither of us knew what to say to each other. I turned to look at him. He was looking around the room, anywhere but at me. I felt a small tinge of regret and pity at the uncomfortable look crossing his features. You have nothing to be sorry for. He is at fault here.

“Can you just say something so we can get this over with?”

Get this ov- seriously? “Depends. Can you act like an adult take responsibility for your actions?”

“Oh, so that’s how you want to start this?”

“I guess so, yeah.” I shrugged, standing up.

“I don’t see why you are so upset Addison-.”

“I swear to God Montgomery. If you say a word about the picture frame.”

“Scott already gave me shit for fucking up last night.”

“Oh! Okay, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you say something before? Clearly, we have nothing to discuss here, since Scott fucking Reed already talked to you about it?” I yelled, throwing my arms up for dramatic effect. “Do you even understand why I’m upset?”

“He’s my best friend. I listen to him. Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry I screwed up Addison.”

I blinked slowly at him, trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. “You listen to Scott? Because I’m almost certain it wasn’t Scott that had no issue with you getting so drunk you could hardly stand on a Thursday night.”

“Seriously Addison? You are going to bring your issues with Bryce into this?”

“I never said that. You did. But sure, since apparently you can’t take responsibility for what you did, yeah. I’m going to bring Bryce into this, Montgomery.”

“It was one night Addison.”

“This time. This time it was one night. What about next time? Or the time after that?”  

“It’s not a big deal. What are you going to do, tell me I can’t be friends with him? He’s my brother.”

“I am your WIFE. I am your family. You need to realize your actions affect more than just you now.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” He crossed his arms.

“I don’t want to tell you that you can’t. That is something you can decide on your own.”

“That’s you politely saying yes.”

“No, it isn’t. If you want to take it that way, you can. Are you ready to discuss the real issue now? I don’t put even a quarter of the blame on Bryce.”

“Mhmm. Sure, you don’t.” He muttered, aggressively.

“You decided to get wasted at a party. You decided not to let me know where you were, or if you were okay, or if you were coming home. You decided to drive home.”

“I didn’t realize you needed to know where I was at all times.”

“I don’t.”

“Really? Because it sure as shit seems like it.”

“Sorry for wanting to know if my husband was okay or not.” I yelled.

“You knew I was at Bryce’s. I was fine.”

“Fine? If you think this is fine, you need to re-evaluate that idea really fast. You could barely stand up. It’s a wonder you didn’t get pulled over or hit anything. Or anyone.”

“I didn’t. I got home in one piece and everything was fine. Until you decided to throw a hissy fit about it. And newsflash, my leg is fucked, so I can barely stand up to begin with.”

“It is not fine Monty.”

“You keep saying that but aren’t giving me a reason or explanation why.”

“You mean aside from the obvious?”

“Yeah.”

“You need to realize that it isn’t just you anymore. You need to understand that you have a family to be concerned about now. I get that it’s not something you are used to, but you do.”

He scoffed. “I understand that perfectly well Addison.”

“Do you though? Because I don’t think you do. You don’t act like you do.”

“Because I went out with my friends for a night? You are going to question my commitment to you because of one night?”

“No. I’m not questioning your commitment to me. And I have no problem with you going out with your friends. I have an issue with you coming home drunk off your ass. Again. I have an issue with the fact that you do it and then we talk about it and then you go on like everything is fine for a while. And then you do it again.”

“It’s not like I do it all the time. Don’t make it sound like I’m just coming home drunk every night.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying that this is becoming a pattern. A pattern that I, for one, am not okay with.”

Monty stared at me incredulously. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, catching sight of the replaced frame on the end table. “I see you fixed your precious photo. So, there is no reason to be mad anymore.” He muttered just loud enough for me to hear.

“Seriously? It was never about the goddamn picture frame. It was about you. Do you honestly think I would make you spend the night at your friend’s house over a picture frame breaking?”

“I don’t know Addison.”

“Well clearly we aren’t going to get anywhere today then. Since you can’t seem to accept that your actions have consequences, and I can’t force you to understand my point.” I shook my head. I couldn’t keep going around in circles with him. If he wasn’t ready to have a mature discussion about this, then there was no point in trying.

“I guess not.” He said.

There was nothing more to be said anymore, so I walked back to the coffee table from the kitchen, where we had ended up in our fighting. Grabbing my book and phone, I stalked past him, half hoping he would reach out and grab me to apologise. When he didn’t, I went back into our room and closed the door. I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Instead, when I shut the door, I slid down to the floor and laid my head on my knees. My tears left little dots on my leggings and stains down my cheeks. Luckily, I was able to hold back any sobs that tried to break through.

After a while, I could hear Monty in our room. It sounded like he was opening and closing drawers. For a moment, I could hear him breathing on the other side of the door. It was like he was trying to decide to knock or not. I held my breath. A moment later, I heard his footsteps pad away from the door. Roughly an hour or so later, I decided I had hidden in my own home long enough. I stood up and splashed my face with cool water. I quickly changed into a pair of dark sweatpants and a comfortable t-shirt, with my favourite grey cardigan over top.

“I’m going out.” I stated as I walked out of our room and grabbed my purse.

“K.” Monty replied, not bothering to up from the playbook he was reading on the couch. I raised my brows sadly at his lack of response. My drive to Justin’s place was unusually silent. I normally drove with the radio on or AUX connected. I parked in front of the house and walked around back. I knocked on his door firmly a couple of times. While I waited, I unconsciously wrapped my arms around myself protectively. Justin opened the door not long after. He took one look at me trying not to cry and curling in on myself and stiffened.

“Clay, get out.”

#can't go back #monty de la cruz #monty x oc #monty de la Cruz fanfic #monty imagine #monty x reader #montgomery de la cruz x oc #montgomery de la cruz #montgomery de la cruz x reader #montgomery de la cruz imagine #13 reasons why #13rw #13 rw #Thirteen Reasons Why #Justin Foley #justin foley jensen #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic writing

[storybookhall]

The Journey Pt.5- Through Open Eyes

a/n- Smut time!!! I am still not the most comfortable writing smut so be gentle don’t get used to smut too often.

Summary- After suffering in Woodbury you’re home, you and Daryl finally explore feelings you’ve had for months.

Trigger Warning- Language, mention of rape, adult themes

SMUUUUUTTTTT

Maggie seems to be having a harder time with what happened to you both at Woodbury, although she said he didn’t actually do anything to  her. Nobody here but Glenn knows what really went down those days they had you in that scary and cold place. You plan to keep it that way, you don’t want pity from anyone. You don’t need it.

“Hey... “ Glenn walks up to you awkwardly.

“ Hey!” You respond in a cheery chirpy voice

“ No one else is around, they’re all outside. Can we talk?” He asks quietly not really being able to look you in the eye.

“ Of course, but only if you stop looking at me like a wounded animal…” You say with a bit of attitude as you stand up and walk over to him at the door to your cell.

“ y/n, I’m worried about you. Maggie didn’t have it half as bad as you did and she is still hurting. Are you okay? If not i can-” He begins to ramble when you cut him off.

“ I’m fine! I survived it and now I have to continue surviving in this fucked up world where we not only have to be scared of being killed by the dead, but also fucking raped from the living-” you abruptly stop and put your hand over your mouth. Shocked at what you just said, you walk backwards until hitting the bed and you sit down. That was the first time you admitted to yourself that’s what happened.

“ I… I honestly don’t know if there is a right thing to say right now, but all I can say is Maggie and I are here for you through all of this.” He responds as he walks out of your cell.

You decide to go outside and see the rest of the group, Glenn walks out as well. You walk up behind Carol and see that Merle is just barely 50 ft in front of you. In this moment you see red, you start sprinting down towards him hearing Glenn behind you running to you. You run up to the group and knock Rick out of the way to slam your hands on Merle’s chest and shove him hard.

“ YOU!! You fucking did this to me! You fucking did this! Is that what you wanted all along!?!” Rick grabs you and pulls you back away from him.

“ y/n what the hell are you doing?!” Rick asked angrily.

“ Do you have any fucking idea what he put her through, he put her in that fucking storage unit and let people rape her... “ He stops and goes silent realizing he just told everyone.

“ I will say this now, if I have to share my home with him. I’ll be leaving.” You state to the group calming yourself down. You turn around to head back inside.

You walk to halls of the prison blowing off steam, not believing that Glenn just did that. You hear someone else start walking near the entrance but ignore it. As you continue walking you think about the time you were in there, and how fucking strong you are. They could not break you, and will not break you. Your sadness is just anger at this point, wanting to get revenge. As you hear the footsteps again you turn around to see Daryl, the look he gave you made you feel like a wounded animal. All at once all your anger comes flowing out directed towards Daryl. 

“ Why weren't you there!? I was alone, I was scared, I was hurt.” You yell as you beat on his chest, not realizing a lot of the group is right around the corner hearing all this going on. Rick was going to pull you away again but Daryl held his hand up. He knows you need this.

“ I’m sorry y/n, I really am. You know if I knew you were alive I would've done everything to find you” He says sheepishly as you continue hitting his chest.

“ But I WAS! I was alive, and thought I’d never see you again.” You attempt to say with anger as your voice cracks.

Daryl just pulls you close to his chest and laid his head above yours, hushing you as you continue your rant. You begin to calm down listening to his heartbeat, and soon enough he thinks you're calm enough to let go his hands begin to loosen. You grab his arms to keep them in place. The rest of the group went back to their daily routine as you stand in the middle of the hallway feeling time stop. Out of nowhere you feel a rough hand gently caress your cheek, you place yours over it feeling it’s warmth, until he moves it to your chin. Using the smallest bit of force he tilted your face up to his. Looking into his eyes, you see they are misty. His gaze darts between your eyes and your lips, as he slightly parts his own.

“ Can I…” He questions softly

Too shocked to speak, you just nod, he moves both hands to your cheeks. Then, the moment you’ve envisioned since the day you met comes to reality. You pull apart after a few moments, but something in you just wanted more. You snake your arms around his neck and pull him back down for more. His hands softly slide down to your back and pull you even closer to him closing any distance left between you. Content in what just occurred you give him a kiss on the cheek and walk off through the halls. Making your way to help Carol with dinner you pass Rick as he gives you a sympathetic look. You smile back to him and slightly nod, your way of saying “ ya… I’m okay”. As everyone sits down to eat dinner you notice Daryl isn’t in sight. Grabbing 2 plates of food you head over to his cell. When you see he isn’t there you bring the plates to Maggie and Glenn and go looking for him. 

“ Hey Rick! Have you seen Daryl?” You ask loudly from up by the building.

“ He told me he was going out to fish.” Carol chimed in.

“ Thank you!” you answer thankful for her

You walk the long path down to the gate and have Carl let you out, then you make your way down to the river. You see Daryl off in the distance sitting on a tree stump with his head in his hands. You slowly walk up to him and clear your throat so he is aware you’re there. He has no reaction, so you walk up to him and place your hand on his back. Which gains you a side glance from his sulking state. You kneel in front of him and he stands abruptly. 

“ Go away” he snaps

“ What?” you say taken aback

“ I said go away little girl.” He starts getting angry

“ What is your issue?” You walk up and place a hand on his cheek, he quickly grabs your wrist a bit too hard. 

“ I just wanna be alone.” He loosens his grip and you see his breathing start to quicken.

“ If this is about Woodbury-” you begin when he whips around to face you

“ You better stop, cause you sure as hell don't know what the fuck you're talking about.” he yells in your face as he drops your wrist.

“ Get over yourself… Seriously. Daryl Dixon has feelings, he’s a human! Big. Fucking. Deal. Quit acting like it’s bad to care about the people we’ve lost and the people we have right up there counting on us.” You yell right back at him.

His whole demeanor changes at this, he turns towards the river and sighs. His shoulders completely go limp and his head drops forward.

“ Everyone looks at me like a goddamn saving grace… I don’t understand why. I can’t help them, I can’t even help you.” He says just above a whisper, as you hear a small whimper escape him. 

You walk up to him and hug him from behind, causing him to let go even more. You walk around him to the front of him and pull him into a hug. You feel his body release all the tension he has pent up and just be okay with someone else being the strong one for once. As he nuzzles his face into your shoulder you hold him tightly.

“ You’re a good man Daryl, you really are. You are kind and skilled and so damn compassionate. You need to stop being the tough guy all the time. It’s okay to let it go and be upset.” you say to him trying to make him understand.

Moving his head away from your shoulder you take his face in your hands and place soft kisses all over. In one quick motion you bring his lips to yours and kiss him passionately. You feel his tongue slide across your bottom lip and you open your mouth for him. He grabs your lower back and presses you against him firmly, feeling your body heat against him. For a few more moments you allow your tongues to fight for dominance until he breaks away and trails kisses from your mouth to your neck. Once he’s there he nibbled and sucks hearing your whimpers and soft cries.

“ Daryl…” you moan softly into his ear

He pulls away to see your innocent eyes meeting his, grabbing his hand you walk back up to the gates. When you finally reach your cell you take a moment to take in the man in front of you, this is the man you’ve dreamed about for so long. After closing the door and hanging the blanket covering it so no unwanted eyes can see, you turn around and Daryl quickly takes you in his arms. Placing a hand behind your head he moves you until you hit the wall behind you. You feel yourself growing more and more turned on as your tongues continue their dance. He moves from your mouth down your neck to your collarbone. Kissing you passionately all the way down.

“ Fuck, Daryl..” You whimper as he allows his hands to explore your body.

“ Are you sure about this? You don’t have to if you aren’t ready.” he says as he pulls away. Looking into your eyes.

“ I’m ready, just make me forget for a while.” You manage to say catching your breath.

“ Anything for you.” He almost purrs into your ear.

He places both hands on your ass with a loud smack as you cry out in pleasure. Picking you up he carries you to your bed and places you down softly. You unconsciously start to palm his cock through his jeans. 

“ Oh, fuck..” he growls in reaction.

You get on the ground and kneel before he grabs your hair and pulls you back up.

“ y/n, today is for you” He grins as he says this knowing he was driving you crazy. 

Reconnecting with his lips he slowly lays you on the bed, lifting your shirt to get access to your breasts and stomach. Your back begins to arch at the feeling of his lips making a trail down your body. You quickly strip off your shirt and bra for him. He slowly unbuttons your shorts and you raise your ass to help him slide them off. Left in only your underwear Daryl stands up and looks at your body, taking in each curve. You close your eyes while you start playing with your breasts and rubbing your thighs together needing some kind of friction to help you release. Watching you do this Daryl needed you even more. He climbed on the bed and spread your legs violently, lightly tracing a finger up and down your clothed folds. Using his thumb on the outside he plays with your clit making you jolt with electric pleasure shooting through you. 

“ You’re so fucking beautiful” Daryl says as he watches you squirm under his touch. Once he has you right on the edge he stops and brings his hand up to your face caressing your cheek with his fingers and rubbing his thumb over your lips. You eagerly take it in your mouth tasting yourself on him. 

“ Holy fuck.” He grabs his cock through his pants while watching you suck on his thumb.

“ Your turn.” you say playfully as you start to unbutton his pants, he takes his shirt and vest off in a matter of seconds. 

You admire the man standing before you, this beautiful man. As your eyes wander around his body you can’t help but stop at his underwear, as he was almost busting out of them. You pull them off of him, gaining a sigh of relief from your lover. He lays you down kissing your clit lightly before sliding your underwear off. He grabs both legs and yanks towards him to get the perfect angle and then lightly begins his torture.

“ Daryl! Fuck, please.” You moan and writhe with every pass of his tongue

“ Please what?” he smiled watching you come undone for him.

“ Please fuck me.” you could barely get the words out before he slipped his middle finger into your core.

“ Anything for my girl.” he says quickly returning to his focus, sucking and licking your clit as he curls his middle finger watching you arch and grab his hair tightly. Slipping another finger in he pulled away and used his thumb on your clit, he comes up and kisses you as you both feel fireworks. 

“ Oh my god Daryl! Yes! Don’t stop!!!” you scream as you feel absolute euphoria washing over you as you reach your climax coming on Daryl's fingers. He pulls them out holding your gaze and sticks them in his mouth, eyes rolling back.

“ Fuck baby, so fucking sweet.” he says growling. You lay down completely just to shoot up in pleasure as he buries his face back down taking in your taste. 

“ I’m not done with you yet.” he sweetly says as he flips you onto your stomach pulling your legs off the bed and raising your hips. He slowly rubs is cock up and down your folds not quite going in.

“ You’re all ready for me baby” he purred into you as he kisses your lower back.

Placing one leg on the bed he slowly pushed himself into your awaiting heat, letting you adjust to his length bit by bit.

“ Oh fuck y/n, you’re so fucking tight.” he moaned loudly.

It didn’t take you long to get used to his cock and start rocking your hips back on him forcing him deeper and deeper into you. You take a while to find your rhythm but as soon as you do you both feel your highs approaching. As he gets close he bends over you grabbing your throat with one hand and holding a hip with the other bringing you into a semi standing position.

“ Ride me baby.” he cries out as he attacks your neck leaving marks to claim you.

“ Oh fuck! I’m close.” You whimper trying to keep the rhythm but as soon as you say that Daryl brought his hand off of your hip and moved it to your clit.

“ Come for me baby, I’m almost there” He sputtered between thrusts. Speeding up the pace.

“Oh shit! Daryl!!!” You moan and yell as you hit your climax once again even harder.

“ I’m close, turn over, I want to watch that pretty little face.” he muttered, flipping you onto your back and reaching his high.

“You’re mine” he said as he rode out the end of his high.

“ For as long as you let me” you reply with a smile.

Daryl scoots onto your bed with you and covers you both up as you slip into blissful sleep, not believing that this whole time you’ve wanted him… and here he is. Even better than you could have ever imagined. Finally seeing each other and expressing your feelings was the best thing to ever happen to you.

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y/n! Daryl! Can you come here for a second” Rick calls to you and you turn around to see Daryl behind you.

“ What’s up?” Daryl asks, seeing Rick's demeanor is off.

 “ The Governor said that if we hand over Michonne, he’ll leave us alone.” He says quietly rubbing the back of his head.

“ Ok. You aren’t doing it right?!” You ask, scared of his response.

“ I wasn’t going to, no. I spoke to Merle about it so he knows. I can’t find either of them now.” Rick looks at you with worried eyes.

“ I’m going after him.” Daryl states plainly as he heads to get his weapons.

“ I’m going too.” You chime in as you go to get yours.

Daryl looked at you like you were crazy, but knew he couldn’t stop you. He packed a couple of waters and some food in a bag and met you at the gates. He had you stab any walkers that you encountered to watch and see if you are capable enough to be alone if you need to scout.

“ You're pretty good with that thing you know.” He says as you run up and stab one that was walking towards the road.

“ I learned from the best.” You turn around and walk up to him giving him a peck on the cheek before continuing down the road.

You see Michonne walking towards you and run to her. Hugging her and holding her to you, thankful that your family is alright. Confused you look around for Merle, he is nowhere in sight.

“ He let me go.” she blurts as Daryl walks up.

“ I’ll go find him.” He says while continuing down the road

Michonne heads back to the prison as you turn and catch up with Daryl. Slipping your fingers in between his and gripping his hand tightly. He gives you a smile as you watch the road ahead happy to be in the presence of the man you love.

“ Daryl! I see something!” You say pointing towards a group of shops, hearing walkers all the way from where you were.

Walking up slowly you take your hand back and get ready to fight. You nod to him silently telling him “ I’ve got right here, you go up there”, as you enter the old building. After killing the only walker in there you hear Daryl struggling. You walk out and see Daryl shoving Merle… Walker Merle. You clasp your hand over your mouth and stay back letting Daryl get his anger out. He knocked Merle down and stabbed him in the head, over, and over, and over. You run over and pull Daryl off, for the first time, you see him truly sob. He doesn’t stand up; he just lays down on the ground with his hands on his face. Lowering yourself to him you grab his arm and at the touch of your hand, he sat up and hugged you, still sobbing.

“ Hey. Hey… shhh” you coo into his ear as you sway slowly. 

He starts to tighten his grip on you

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” you say as you place kisses on his cheek.

After all this, you lost so many people, good people and not so good. You plan for the next attack but is it worth it? Is this how living will always be?! No… This isn’t living, It’s doing what’s needed to survive.

a/n- that’s a wrap on Pt. 5. I hope y'all nasties enjoyed my first attempt at smut. I really wanted to bring more emotional Daryl, because all I ever see is him without emotion. I will be putting fluff in every part, BUT I will not be forcing smut if it feels inorganic. I know in a  chapter soon I want to put a little of what Norman said on a panel to use. He explained that he feels like Daryl wouldn’t really be the macho type during sex. He’d kinda be uncomfortable and rigid not knowing what to do/feel. Pt. 6 has a LOT in store for you. I am honestly really happy in the direction this series is going.

@aquariusfangirl​ @mysterious-398​ @onlydarylnormanfic​

#daryl x reader #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon #daryl x you #the walking dead daryl #daryl x y/n #daryl and you #the walking dead #twd #twd imagines

[anika-ann]

Hands Too Cold, but Heart of Gold - Pt.8 (S.R.)

The Date Night

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, one-sided Matt Murdock x reader 

Word count: 1850

Summary: Avenger!reader AU, love triangle. You got yourself a date, went there and... it turned out rather interesting. Probably not the way Steve and Natasha think.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst

Story Mastelist

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“I honestly don’t know why I’m freaking out about my outfit. He won’t even be able to see it! Why am I freaking out, Tasha?” you asked her on a verge of desperation, smoothening your dress for the millionth time.

As you got to the hem of the dress, all you wanted to do was to pull it over your head and change. Again. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, honestly considering it.

Natasha, standing behind you, put her hands on your shoulders to keep you in place and raised her eyebrow.

“Hey. You have every right to be nervous. How long has it been since your last date?” she asked gently, surprisingly so for a super-spy.

You bit your lip guiltily – of course, she found the root of the trouble. It had been too freaking long. The fact you were going out with Matt – an amazing human being – was not helping to sooth your nerves either.

“Almost two years.”

“Well. I think you’re entitled. But you’re gonna be fine,” she reassured you and you caught her honest gaze in the mirror. She squeezed your shoulders. “That guy? He fell hard – I hope you figured that out already. Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”

You took a deep breath. “Thanks, Tasha. I really should go or I’ll be late. The taxi might even be here already.”

You picked up your coat, leaving the dresses you didn’t even want to count – Natasha had supplied you with too many of hers and still, you took the only dress you owned yourself – and grabbed your purse on the way.

You were insanely grateful to Natasha for her help – yet, your heart was fluttering nervously and ached a little. You wished Steve was here too, but you understood this was more of a ladies thing. You were sure he wished you the best for your date even if you hadn’t heard him say it.

You opened the door only to meet with Steve’s surprised face. His eyes measured you from head to toe and you fought the urge to hide – god knew why. That was until his gaze returned to your face and a smile appeared on his lips.

“You look beautiful, Snowflake,” he whispered, checking you out shamelessly once more. “He’s a lucky guy.”

You bit your lip, feeling the rush of heat colouring your cheeks. You lowered your gaze, examining your shoes; they had heels, you were about to kill yourself in them, why were you wearing them again…?

Steve chuckled at your reaction. You couldn’t help but feel like there was something foreign in that supposedly happy sound, something you couldn’t decode.

A hand appeared under your chin, fingers tucking a strand of your hair that fell in your face behind your ear. He kissed your forehead lovingly and you inhaled deeply, trying to calm down your rapidly beating heart. You knew he was trying to help, but it didn’t really work.

“Hey, Snowflake. Hold your head high, you look wonderful. It’s gonna be fine. If he upsets you, you not only can let him go, but you have five– no, six pissed off friends actually, I’m sure Thor would stop by for that – to punch Matt in his face. Understood?”

That finally made you relax and the tension in your shoulders eased with a huffed laughter. Steve’s eyes twinkled for a moment and you couldn’t but laugh again.

“Did you just say ‘pissed off’?” you asked incredulously and Steve shrugged it off – except a hint of a blush appeared in his cheeks too and hell, you could not miss that. You feasted your eyes on his embarrassment and only then gave Captain Language a proper hug, which was reciprocated tightly.

“I guess I’m nervous for you that much,” he murmured over your shoulder and the statement melted your heart.

“Thank you, Steve.”

He squeezed your waist once more, caressed your back and released you from his embrace, uneasy smile on his lips.

“Go. We wouldn’t want you to be late.”

You just nodded and made your way to the elevator. You sparred one more glance at Natasha, who joined Steve in the hallway, couple of dressed folded over her forearm. She grinned at you.

“Not to make you nervous, Frosty, but just because he won’t be able to see you with his eyes, it doesn’t mean he won’t appreciate your appearance! And other stuff! Considering all of his senses are heightened!” she called after you and you felt you face turning into a mask of horror.

All of his senses. Shit. What perfume did you use? How much could he— would he be able to tell you hugged-- did Steve just hug you to make Matt jealous and possibly make him think you were wanted, so he would value the fact you were going out with him more?

No, wait, you were the one who hugged Steve, which--- this was so going to be a disaster. You whined and slid into your coat, hoping it would make you invisible. And undetectable in any other way. This evening started swimmingly…

With you going down in the elevator, Natasha and Steve were left alone.

“Smooth, Rogers. Very subtle,” the spy exclaimed, patting his arm patronizingly. Steve shot her an unreadable glare.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“About the fact Mr. Hot and Devilish wouldn’t even have to make her unhappy. It’s him making her happy that you want to punch him in the face for.”

Steve grinded his teeth, his look turning murderous. “That’s not true. I want them to get together.”

“Sure,” she agreed, shrugging. “That’s why you marked your territory like a goddamned dog.”

The rush of irritation and shame at being caught hit him stronger than excepted. Natasha knew exactly how to push his buttons and it drove him crazy.

“I didn’t-“ he protested lamely, only to realize he indeed hadn’t. “She was the one who hugged me.”

“Yeah. Keep yourself telling that. She did hug you, but what happened before that, that was on you. I’m surprised you didn’t kiss her on her mouth. I don’t understand how one can be so blind— eh, sorry-”

Steve’s hands curled into fists and he paced to his room to change into something more suitable for workout. He needed to punch something and as much as he was pissed at Natasha for mocking him, he liked her too much to hurt her – the punching bags would have to suffice. Bags, definitely plural, because he would tear some today, no doubt.

“Have a good workout, big guy!” she shouted after him almost cheerily and he slammed the door with such force that dust of plastering snowed down around the doorway.

Snowed down. Fuck. That would be more than one ruined bag today.

────── ·❆· ──────  

Natasha was standing in her room, staring out of the window as snowflakes slowly descended. None of them stuck, melting as soon as they collided with the surface, but there was no denying it really was snowing. And given the fact that the temperature needed to drop significantly for this to happen, there was no doubt whose doing was that – deliberate or not.

Apparently, your emotions were running high.

“Hey, Steve. What are you still doing awake?” she heard your astonished voice from the hallway and she bit her lip. This was definitely your excited voice; the date went well. The snow was a good sign.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Natasha’s heart ached for her friend, simultaneously wondering if you could hear the subtle hint of pain in his voice. She suddenly felt guilty for helping you to get ready for the date – but it felt like the right thing to do.

“So you went to a gym? It’s after midnight. You’re making us all look like couch potatoes.”

Natasha could easily imagine that the soldier ‘casually’ shrugged.  

“Felt like working out,” he explained easily. No shit. How many punching bags did he destroy this time?

“Is everything okay? I know it’s not the first time. Something troubling you? Talk to me, Steve,” you pleaded softly.

Natasha sighed. That would be your placing your hand on his forearm in comforting gesture, your eyes screaming ‘you can trust me’. You always did that, because it was the thing you two did and you two were so utterly hopeless it hurt.

“It’s nothing, Snowflake. Nothing you need to worry about. You look happy. I take it the date went well?”

His voice was strained and the spy had no doubt you could tell. Yet, you answered him, voice wavering as if you weren’t sure how much you should share. “Yeah. It did.”

“One more reason for you not to worry about me,” Steve offered kindly and Natasha just gritted her teeth. Rogers was such an ass. Noble, maybe, but bozhe, such an ass. “I’m happy for you, Snowflake.”

“Thank you. But we’re talking about you, soon. I need you to be happy too, Steve. You’re too important to me and too good not to be.”

Natasha agreed wholeheartedly, glancing at the flash drive on her nightstand. She had downloaded the conversation she had with Steve, him confessing his feelings for you, but now, it seemed worthless.

While she wished for you to be happy, she was hoping you could do that with the supersoldier who was head over heels for you. She had been sure you felt the same, but now she had doubts. You could easily fall in love with Daredevil, he was charming enough, and she had no right to interfere with your love-life.

“Okay. I promise I’ll tell you later.”

Natasha scoffed. Yeah, sure. On your deathbed, maybe.

“ ‘kay. Love you, Steve. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Snowflake.”

Natasha heard your footsteps trailing off and slowly went to open her door for a slit.

“Don’t say a word,” Steve warned her icily, heart-breaking crack in his voice.

“I was gonna offer you a drink, an ‘I’m sorry’ and a hug.”

She heard him inhale and exhale shakily and she stepped out to find him resting his forehead against the nearest wall. His eyes were squeezed shut and she would swear it wasn’t sweat what gleamed on his cheeks. She pressed her lips together, hesitantly bringing her palm to his arm. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“I’m really sorry, Steve,” she whispered tentatively, surprised when he bounced off the wall, looking her straight in the eye. His own were indeed glassy, but he wasn’t crying.

“You don’t have to be. She deserves the win, I’m happy for her.”

He said it with such conviction that if she hadn’t known him well enough, she wouldn’t notice how fragile the façade he had hastily built up was.

“Good. But you should know you don’t have to be, macho man. It’s okay to be angry, not just with yourself, but also with her and especially with him. You can be sad and you can be hurt. I know I’m not exactly the most open person when it comes to emotions, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel. And you can feel too.”

Steve escaped her gaze, but she could see his tiny nod. She took it as a victory and encouraged, she took his huge arm.

“Come on, Cap, let’s find out where Thor stocked the good booze.”

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Part 9

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Tags:  @mermaidxatxheart​, @murdermornings​, @elisaa-shelby​ @ask-hellbent-tweek

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(The chapter is very similar to the other version, only leaves details on the date night with Matt. Buckle up for the next parts y’all. Roller -coaster of emotions coming in 3, 2, 1…)

Thank you for reading :))

#marvel #fanfiction #mcu #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america x reader #captain america imagine #love triangle #avengers #captain america #steve rodgers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #hands too cold but heart of gold #anika ann

[theangriestpea]

The Killing Type | Four

Summary: Just when Lavender thought things were going great with Sweet Pea, a new girl comes back to turn to turn their entire relationship upside down. Now they have to navigate a world of drug dealers, rival gangs, and co-parenting. Sequel to Mercy Killing. <ao3> <masterlist> <playlist>

Rating: Mature // Explicit

Pairings: Sweet Pea x OC // eventual Jughead Jones x OC

Warnings: Minor foreplay, minor violence

Word Count: 5.1k+

A/N: Updates will be slower from here on out. I'll be going back to work soon.

Chapter Four : Shock Trick

Sweet Pea’s index finger grazed her clit through her underwear as he kissed across her breast. Lavender released a whiny moan, unable to handle the way his mouth moved across her chest on top of his prodding digit. She was only in her underwear while Sweet Pea was down to just boxers and gym shorts. She thought she was going crazy underneath him, his tongue and finger moving slowly against her body.

Suddenly there was a banging on the front door and both teenagers groaned at the interruption. Instead of getting up, Sweet Pea went back to teasing her nipple with his teeth, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. Lav inhaled sharply, about to exhale another moan when the banging happened again.

“Sweet Pea! Open up! I need you to take Daisy!” Came the loud and commanding voice of Lily Owens.

He sat up abruptly, face red with anger as he left his girlfriend panting on the bed. He opened the front door, “We agreed that tonight you would take her.” He hissed, “Why don’t you be a good mother for once and spend some time with your daughter?”

Lavender flinched at his harsh words, pulling on a top to make herself more decent. She heard Lily’s reply clear as day, “I spent nine months alone with her. Take some responsibility.”

“Responsibility?!” He roared, “I have watched her every night this week! All I wanted was one night with my girlfriend and you said I could have that! Now you’re here trying to pawn her off of me again? What is your deal, what do you need to do that’s so goddamn important?!”

“I have a job to do! Just take her already and stop being such an asshole!” Lily yelled back, unafraid of his anger like Lavender was.

Lav had poked her head out of the bedroom, “Pea, just take her.” She said softly. “We can finish this some other time.”

Sweet Pea took his now crying baby from Lily as well as her diaper bag. If looks could kill then Lily would be minced into a million tiny pieces and strewn across the hard for the buzzards to pick at. He made sure to slam the door in her face before attempting to calm down his daughter.

“Sweet Pea, this is our chance.” Lavender said, having slipped on a pair of leggings. “We take Daisy to Mrs. Fogarty next door and follow her. Jughead said he hasn’t been giving her any jobs that require her to be out at all hours of the night. Now we can see where she’s going.”

He had managed to get Daisy to stop crying, he sat her in the pack ‘n play that he kept set up in her trailer and went to get dressed. He was too angry to respond to her, knowing he’d snap if he said anything out loud. Instead Lavender took his silence as an agreement to follow through with their plan.

Once he was finished he came out to see Lavender holding a giggling Daisy. She flashed Sweet Pea a smile, “Let’s hurry before she gets too far.”

He couldn’t hide the small smile that formed at seeing his two favorite girls get along so well. He kissed the tops of both of their heads before grabbing his keys. Lavender quickly took Daisy next door where Fangs’ mother was more than happy to watch over her, saying how much she missed having a baby in the house. The teens thanked her before hopping onto Sweet Pea’s bike and making it to the street adjacent to his trailer to see Lily getting into her car and driving off.

They followed after her at a safe distance. Sweet Pea hoped she wouldn’t recognize the sound of his bike. If Lily was on to them then she made no indication of it. She drove into Ghoulie territory, something that had Lav on edge as she was squeezing Sweet Pea’s rib cage. There was still a hit out on her and if she were caught here then something terrible could happen. Sweet Pea was only one person, he couldn’t fight them all off.

Lily pulled into the parking lot of an abandoned office building. Sweet Pea slowed, parking to the side of the crumbling bricks to stay hidden. The two of them got off of his bike to get a better look. Before they left, Lavender had grabbed her late father’s binoculars to help them see. Even though it was night, there was enough light from the street lamps to see what was going on.

A teenage boy walked up to her, hair falling into his face and a cruel, twisted smile on his lips. Neither Sweet Pea or Lavender recognized him and he wasn’t painted up as a Ghoulie. Lavender was looking through the binoculars and watched as Lily handed him a brown paper bag. He opened it, pulling out small baggies of powder.

Lavender bit her lip, “Pea…” She handed him the binoculars so he could see. She could feel him tense beside him, anger surging.

“She’s been ditching Daisy to deal drugs? What the fuck is this?” He hissed, not liking the way her buyer was leering at her as if she were also a poison to be consumed in order to chase a high. “We have to tell Jones.”

“Maybe we should talk to her first.” Lavender said softly. “Before going to Jughead. What if he kicks her out?”

“She’s dealing drugs, Shanna. Serpents don’t do that shit.” Sweet Pea replied, “Let’s go, we’ve seen all we need to.”

Lavender was frowning as she got back onto his bike. She had been jumping at every stray noise. The thought of someone following them was ever present on her mind. Every shadow was her enemy at this point and Sweet Pea sensed her distress. Not only had he gotten to the bottom of Lily’s little disappearances, but he also wanted to get his girlfriend out of such a dangerous environment.

He sped back to Sunnyside, his thoughts racing faster than his motorcycle. How could she do this? The other kid hadn’t been a Ghoulie from what he could tell, but still he was in their territory. Where was she getting the drugs from? Was she cooking them as well? It wasn’t Jingle Jangle so what was it? There were more questions than answers at this point and he hated not knowing what was going on. He hated the feeling of betrayal. And he hated feeling like he no longer knew who the girl that was once his best friend was.

When they arrived back at her trailer, Lavender went straight inside as Sweet Pea went to grab Daisy. He didn’t want Lily to get suspicious of him for not having her or yell at him for letting Mrs. Fogarty look after her.  

When he arrived back, he set the little girl on the couch. She was already starting to nod off, having crawled to Lavender to lay in her lap.

Lav smiled, stroking her back softly to help soothe her. She had already put on Paw Patrol for her to watch. Sweet Pea wanted to smile at the image, but was too upset with Lily.

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” He asked, knowing she didn’t but still wanting to ask. He needed to clear his head and he did his best thinking while under the hot water.

She shook her head, “You know I don’t. Go ahead, I got her.”

Sweet Pea nodded and went into her bathroom, cutting the water on the hottest setting before stripping down and stepping inside.

Daisy fell asleep while he was bathing. Lavender gently picked her up and placed her in the pack ‘n play, making sure it was free of any toys or blankets before going into her room. The water was off but he still hadn’t emerged from the bathroom. “Pea?” Lav called out, “Are you okay?”

She heard a deep sigh, “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Lav frowned as she started getting ready for bed. She reduced her clothing down to a pair of underwear and one of his button up flannels, leaving the top few buttons undone. By the time she was done, Sweet Pea had walked out in nothing but a towel.

“Sweets, please don’t do this to me.” Lav groaned, falling back onto her bed. He had made a rule that they couldn’t have sex when Daisy was in the house. She thought it was so stupid, but his argument was that Lav was so loud that she’d wake the little girl up. This had led the both of them to be extremely sexually frustrated as Lily had left Daisy with them nearly every night.

The tension was beginning to cause an uncomfortable rift between them that neither of them could keep ignoring for much longer. Between that and still having not uttered the L-word really was doing more harm than good. That was one reason why Sweet Pea needed the night off from Daisy. He needed to fix things before they became unmendable, and he feared that the breakage might already be too much. They ached for one another but his paternal boundaries wouldn’t allow them to be together intimately.

Sweet Pea’s shoulders slumped forward with a tired sigh. “You know we can’t.” He added, exhaustion in his voice. He hated the frustrated look on her face as she laid down and turned her back to him so that she could no longer see him. He frowned, unable to say anything else as he changed into his pajamas. He kept a handful of clothes over at her place now, just for convenience.

He cut out the light and laid down next to her, pulling her close even though she resisted at first. Eventually she melded against him, unable to stay angry. She nuzzled the crook of his neck and quickly fell asleep.

They had school the next morning. Sweet Pea and Lavender barely spoke to one another. They were having a disagreement on what to do about Lily. Sweet Pea thought they should tell Jughead immediately, however Lav wasn’t so sure. She thought they should get Lily’s side of things first. Maybe what they saw wasn’t what it appeared to be. She wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but her boyfriend wouldn’t let her.

At lunch, she noticed that Jughead and Sweet Pea were both absent. Lavender was incredibly suspicious. She had a feeling he was going to tell him behind her back, and the thought had her too angry to even eat the sandwich she had brought. Fangs was also missing and the only core Serpents at the table were the girls.

“Where is everyone?” Toni asked, taking a bite from her apple as she looked around.

Lavender opened her root beer, her mouth seeming incredibly dry. “I don’t know.” She said quietly, unable to look at Lily.

Lily cocked her head to the side. It wasn’t like Lavender to not eat her lunch or to not actively start conversation. She was very talkative once she accepted you as a friend, which Lily felt that she had. Maybe it was because of last night. “I’m sorry I had to leave Daze with you two last night. I know things are hard right now, but I had a job to do. I needed the money for diapers.”

Lav forced a smile, “I can buy you some if you need them. Just tell me what kind you like.” The offer was genuine, she just felt incredibly uncomfortable knowing what she knew.

“Why is Jug giving you such late night jobs anyway?” Toni asked before Lily could respond, “Doesn’t he understand you’re a mom?”

Lily visibly stiffened. “It was the only thing he had available. He told me that he could try to find something else, but I decided to take it. It’s alright, I’ve been gone from the Serpents for too long. I need to prove myself again.”

Toni snorted, “You don’t need to prove anything. You’re a serpent by blood.” She took another bite of her apple before grinning at her girlfriend who was walking over to join them.

“Lavie, I’d feel incredibly guilty if you bought me diapers. I’ll just ask Sweet Pea for money next time.” Lily said, smiling lightly to show that she appreciated the gesture.

Lavender snorted, “I have more money than he does, but don’t tell him I told you that. He’s very self-conscious about it.”

“Self-conscious about what?” Fangs asked, sitting down next to her as the other two boys joined them.

“His extra large dick.” Lavender responded jokingly, and Fangs let out a dreamy sigh playfully. She rolled her eyes at him and they both giggled at one another.

Sweet Pea sat next to her, immediately shoving food into his mouth. Lavender glanced at him and could tell by the look on his face that he had talked to Jughead. She wanted to say something to him, but knew this wasn’t the time nor the place. It would have to wait until they were alone. Although she was certain Sweet Pea would pull the daddy card over her head like he seemed to love doing. He didn’t need to constantly remind Lav that she wasn’t Daisy’s mother. That was plain to see.

Jughead was uncharacteristically quiet. He was eating his cafeteria burger at a slow pace which was also unusual. Typically he shoved as much food into his mouth at once as he possibly could. He wouldn’t look at Lily either, which typically he was so secretly enamored with her that he couldn’t keep her eyes off her. Lavender was the only one that knew this about him, everyone else thought they were just friends. She knew he wanted something more than that. He acted the same way around Betty when they first started dating.

Anger caused her to stand, abandoning any attempt to eat her lunch. “I forgot I have a meeting with Mr. Hawthorne about an assignment. I’ll see you guys after school.” Lav left and Sweet Pea didn’t even look to acknowledge her. He knew she was mad but so was he. They didn’t have to see eye to eye on everything.

There was obvious tension between everyone as Lavender had received a text from Jughead to meet him at the Whyte Wyrm that night. Because her name was still on a rival hit list, Fangs stayed close with her which she was totally fine with. She didn’t want to speak to her boyfriend right now. He was too stupid for his own good, in her perfectly honest opinion.

Fangs was doing his best not to take sides, but Lavender could tell he was leaning more towards Sweet Pea than her. Typical boys sticking together. She was angry with him, but not enough to ask for a different temporary body guard.

When they arrived at the Wyrm, they went upstairs to the small office to speak in private. Jughead and Sweet Pea were already there and the intensity of the clashing opinions was palpable. Lavender was opting to glare at Sweet Pea, while he pretended that she wasn’t even there. It hurt her more than she wanted to let on.

“Are you sure you saw Lily dealing drugs?” Jughead asked her and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Frankly, Jughead, I’m not sure what I saw. I saw Lily handing a bag of something over to another kid. It could have been anything. I can’t say if it were drugs or not because I haven’t talked to her like I wanted to because my partner decided to talk to you first instead.” Lav spat back, feeling as if it were her against the three of them. The odds had memories threatening to flash back, but she held them back by counting backwards in her head. Grounding herself was the only way she’d be able to stay ahead of it.

Jughead glanced at Sweet Pea, who was finally looking at his girlfriend. The two were having a heated contest to see who would back down first. It didn’t seem as if either were going to budge anytime soon. “What else could it be, Shanna?” Sweet Pea hissed. “What do you think she was giving him? Baking soda? Sugar? It was drugs and you know it!”

“I don’t know it though and neither do you!” She snapped back angrily. “If you had just asked her first, asked her to explain instead of running to Jug, then maybe we’d know the truth! But we don’t because you had to be a little snitch instead.”

“I’m sorry I’m actually loyal to the gang we’re a part of.” Sweet Pea replied, and Lavender’s heart shattered. How could he even suggest that she wasn’t loyal? She had never done anything to hurt them, unless you count the time she broke Kitty’s nose.

Hot angry tears welled into her eyes as she stared at him with disbelief. “How dare you,” She choked out as her fury escaped her. “How dare you even suggest that I’m anything less than loyal. I don’t care what any of you do. I’m going to go talk to her.”

Before they could say anything in response, she turned on her heel and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her so hard that a picture frame fell off the wall and shattered.

Lavender didn’t care about the danger. She was seeing too much red to even notice the painted ghoul approach her as she walked down the street towards Sunnyside. She didn’t even hear the sound of his wrist breaking when she grabbed and twisted it. She hardly comprehended the motion of her knife coming out to press against his groin or the threat that spilled from her lips for him to touch her again.

The random Ghoul freed himself from her iron grip and ran before she could castrate him, which she had made perfectly clear that she would do if he took one more misstep. She kept her knife in hand and she finally arrived safely in the park where no one was dumb enough to attack her in broad daylight. She went straight to Sweet Pea’s trailer and banged on the door.

Lily opened the door, confused at the expression worn on her new friend’s face. Her makeup was smeared as she’d obviously been crying, her switchblade was gripped tightly in her fist and her hand was shaking violently. Lily quickly pulled her inside. “What are you doing alone?”

“Are you dealing?” Lavender asked, ignoring the question. “We followed you last night. Are you dealing?” She asked again, her voice more desperate now because if she had to address what just happened then she might fall completely apart.

Lily was taken aback by the question. “Lavie…” She said gently, “Put down the knife.” She reached for it, but Lav quickly got into a defensive position. Her body was stuck in fight mode and it was a simple reflex. She didn’t mean to hurt Lily.

When she realized that she was pointing the knife at a fellow Serpent, she dropped it. It clattered onto the linoleum of the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” Lavender whispered as her tears started again. “I’m sorry.” She couldn’t stop the sudden stream of apologies that escaped from her mouth. She sounded like a broken record, unable to stop saying the same two words over and over as panic overwhelmed her.

Lily quickly took her into her arms, holding her tightly in an attempt to soothe her. She had no idea what had happened before she got there, but if she had to guess by the knife then it would be that she had a run in with the Ghoulies.

“Shhh,” Lily cooed softly, stroking her hair. “It’s okay. Just breathe. Where is Sweet Pea?”

Lavender’s forehead was on her shoulder as she shook with sobs, unable to give any kind of coherent answer. They weren’t particularly close but in the moment, Lavender needed someone to lean on and Lily was more than happy to oblige.

After realizing that her questions wouldn’t be given an actual response, Lily decided to change the subject back to herself. “Someone is making me do it.” She said softly to Lavender. “To help me get my dad out of prison. I...I don’t have a choice. Is this why you and Sweets were refusing to speak to each other at lunch? You shouldn’t be arguing over me.” Lily was able to use her concern for Lavender to steal her features and keep from breaking down herself. That would have to wait.

The distraction allowed Lav to break free from the tight hold of her trauma. She lifted her head and rubbed her eyes, her smeared makeup making her look like a raccoon. “I wanted to talk to you first. Ask you about it first….but he wanted to go straight to Jughead. He just kept saying that he needed to do right by Daisy and that I didn’t have a say in it because I wasn’t her mother or even her step-mother. And earlier he accused me of not being loyal to the Serpents so I stormed out on my own to come talk to you.”

Lily didn’t press her further. Obviously something else had happened, but if Lavender didn’t want to talk about it then Lily wasn’t going to force her. “He’s an asshole.” Lily replied, “how are you disloyal because you wanted to talk to me about it first? That just makes you a good friend.”

Lav sniffed back the mucus that had begun to build in her sinus cavity. “You really think so?”

“Yes, I do. And he doesn’t need to bring up the fact that you’re not Daisy’s mother when Daisy has nothing to do with this. That’s such a dumb thing to keep mentioning. I’ve seen how well you help take care of her, so even if you’re not a birth parent you’re still helping. That is what matters. I appreciate what you do for her, especially considering that you didn’t know about her until a few weeks ago.” Lily continued. “He needs to pull his head out of his own ass.”

“We’re just so...frustrated lately. He won’t have sex with me if Daisy is in the house, even if she’s in the other room.” Lavender said, feeling as if her relationship was just falling to pieces faster than she could mend it.

Lily made a face, “why not? If she’s asleep in the other room, why does it matter?”

Lav blushed lightly, “He says I’m too loud and will wake her up…”

“Trust me, you will not wake that girl up.” Lily said, “She sleeps as hard as he does. He needs to get over it and just fuck you. Or tell you how he feels about you. Either one would make you two stop being so angry with one another.”

“Can you just...tell him that?” Lavender mumbled, still embarrassed by the subject at hand. “Because he won’t listen to a thing I say when it comes to her. He’s been a father for like a month and thinks he knows everything there is to know about taking care of a child.”

Lily snorted, “He is insufferable. I don’t know how you put up with him.” She picked Daisy up, who had been playing on the floor with her stuffed animals. She squealed with delight at her mother’s affection and Lav smiled at the two of them.

“You put up with him too. Once upon a time.” Lav pointed out, and for once the sentiment didn’t bother her. She didn’t feel any less valid as Sweet Pea’s current girlfriend by pointing out their past relationship. Growth comes in small doses, after all.

Lily just shook her head. “I guess it was hard to see all of his faults at first. Distance made me realize that we just weren’t a good fit. We were just best friends that were tired of being alone. The love there was never the same as it is between you two.”

Lavender chewed on her lower lip. That damn word again. She hated every time Lily brought it up, because especially now she was convinced that it just wasn’t true. If Sweet Pea loved her then why did he sometimes say such terrible things to her? Sure, it was always out of anger, but that was no excuse to verbally abuse her.

“And you two still haven’t said it.” Lily said pointedly, observing the look on her friend’s face. “You two really blow at communication.”

A pout formed on the other girl's lips as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “It’s not my fault he’s such a troll sometimes. He makes it impossible to talk about…”

Lily bounced Daisy on her hip, making the little girl giggle more. “I know he does. Honestly it’s kind of a miracle you two ever ended up actually dating by what Juggie tells me. I guess FP played a hand in that.”

“I think it was more Fangs than FP, if I’m totally honest. He would find reasons to leave us alone.” Lav said, a small smile forming on her mouth as she thought back to when the two boys were her live-in bodyguards. “He basically forced us to be close. Even if we fought it tooth and nail for the longest time…”

“I just hope he’s better at sex now. He was awful when we were together.” Lily said, groaning at the memory. “He literally gave zero preparation, just stuck it right in and went to pound town.”

Lav frowned a bit, “he didn’t warm you up or anything?”

“Not really.” Lily admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed about it. “He just did what he could to get himself off I guess.”

“What an asshole.” Lav mumbled to herself. “I guess he learned something because I actually quite enjoy the sex. Or, I did. Until he totally cut me off for no good reason.”

They became quiet as they heard the telltale sound of Sweet Pea’s motorcycle out front. Lavender quickly bent down to pick up her knife. “I better go. I don’t want to see him right now.”

“Lavie, he needs to know that you almost got hurt.” Lily said and she watched the teen stiffen uncomfortably. It wasn’t something she wanted to address right now. She planned on just calling Toni and Cheryl to possibly stay the night at Thistlehouse. None of the boys were in her good graces...except perhaps Jughead who hadn’t actually done anything wrong to her yet.

“No, he doesn’t.” Lavender said, pinching the bridge of her nose in order to will the panicked thoughts away. She needed to be strong in front of him, even if it was clear that she had been crying.

Lily gave her a disapproving look. Clearly this was something that needed to be addressed, whether Lavender liked it or not. Just as Lily’s extracurricular activities needed to be, although Lily hoped by pushing the focus on Lavender she could escape that particular conversation.

She was about to make a break for the back door when the front door opened to a very angry looking Sweet Pea. Daisy whimpered at the look on his face, recognizing it as the one he made when he was about to yell. It frightened the little girl and the knowledge of that made Lily all the more protective of her.

Lavender attempted to leave, hoping that his stare down of Lily would prevent him from noticing her. She was wrong. His head snapped to look at her, noticing the knife in her hand. “Why do you have that out?” He asked incredulously, boxing her in before she could make her escape.

“It fell out of my pocket.” Lav lied as she slid it into the back pocket of her skinny jeans. “I’m going home, Pea. Let me by.”

“She was attacked.” Lily said, again knowing that his conversation had to be had. “I just got her to calm down a few minutes ago.”

Sweet Pea’s hard face softened into nothing short of concern and worry. He put a hand on the side of Lavender’s face, thumb brushing over her cheek as he quickly looked over her for any damage. “You shouldn’t have left by yourself.”

Lavender smacked his hand away from her angrily. “I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t been such a prick to me.” She countered back. Sweet Pea took a step away from her to give her space., knowing that if she had just come down from being triggered that backing her into a corner would just make it worse. Even if he was upset with her, he still respected her boundaries.

Nevertheless, his teeth clenched. “Just tell me what happened, Shanna.”

“A Ghoulie tried to put his hand on me so I broke his wrist.” Lavender replied. “And I threatened to make him a eunuch if he touched me again.” A proud look crossed Sweet Pea’s face. He wanted to be furious with her, but knowing she had successfully defended herself made him very pleased. It was a very conflicting set of emotions.

“I’m going home.” She muttered, walking past him finally as he turned to follow her. She really didn’t want him to, but seeing as the sun was beginning to set, him being nearby made her feel safer. If that lone Ghoul came looking for payback with backup then she’d need help in the form of the six-four giant. While he did not walk right next to her, he did keep a step or two behind in order to give her more space.

When they were both gone, Lily let out a sigh of relief. Maybe with their mountain of relationship problems, they’d forget all about hers. She could only hope. She set Daisy in her high chair so she could feed her her dinner and then put her to bed. Deep down she was praying that she wouldn’t be getting a text from her boss to make another run tonight. She was so exhausted from the little amount of sleep she had been getting. She thought coming back to Riverdale and rejoining with Sweet Pea would allow her to have a break. If only that had been the case.

Now she had to deal with everyone knowing she was dealing drugs and the possibility of getting thrown out. The sudden onslaught of anxiety and fear of being without her family overwhelmed her, forcing tears to release from her eyes at last.

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