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hwaberry-dreams · 2 months

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EIGHTEEN: first impressions and revelations

Warnings: mentions of mental health disorder, mention of self harm scars

Word count: 9k

Summary: Seonghwa meets Lunas parents, the meeting goes well until her mom accidentally causes a fuss. It forces Luna to open up to Seonghwa and leaves her feeling drained but someone unexpected offers their support during this difficult moment.

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(A/N: this chapter will have a 3rd person POV towards the end. I want to start incorporating Ateez thoughts and actions instead of solely Lunas. I will switch between Luna and 3rd person from this point onwards. I would appreciate any feedback on this, good or bad so feel free to message me)

Seonghwa and I arrive at my parents' apartment, laughter already echoing through the door from within, it dawns on me that a relationship isn't just about finding someone who fits perfectly into your life. It's about creating a space for each other, intertwining routines and quirks, and embracing the journey with open hearts. I felt like I could have that with the guys but I also knew I could never ever allow my feelings for them to develop into love or anything near that.

My parents' relationship began in a unique way, their bond forged through circumstances yet blossoming into true love. I grew up witnessing their resilience as they overcame every obstacle thrown their way - from my father's long and difficult tours of duty, to my mother's constant packing and moving with little notice. My mom making sure I had the best childhood she could possible give me. Despite their opposing views and frequent disagreements on most topics, their love is unbreakable and together they are an unstoppable force. I always dreamt of finding that same kind of love with someone someday.

The feeling of Seonghwas fingers tighten subtly in mine pulls me from my thoughts and I look up at him.

"Are you definitely sure we shouldn't have brought flowers for your mom?" he asks me and I can see a flicker of nerves in his eyes

"Absolutely. She isn't a big fan of flowers. She only likes them for decoration and not as a gift. Wine is always a winner with her and the chocolates are for my dad." I answer. "If you think I have a massive sweet tooth, you are about to see exactly where I get it from!"

"Should I refer to your dad as Major Lee?" he asks

"It isn't necessary at all. My dad is not old school military where he expects everyone to call him by his rank or even as sir outside of his work." I say "He is incredibly laid back so don't worry!"

With a steady hand, I reach up to the doorbell and give it a firm push. The door swings open a split second later with a gentle creak and my mom greets us with a warm smile.

"Oh hello!!" she says as if we have arrived unexpected and she hasn't been camped out at the door waiting for our arrival. "Come in, come in!" she opens the door fully and ushers us in. We slip off our shoes and enter the inviting space of the lounge, where my dad stands up from the sofa, his expression stoic. My mom joins him, her smile never faltering, while my dad's eyes scan over Seonghwa with an unreadable look. The air is filled with a mix of anticipation and tension.

I briefly look at Seonghwa who is holding eye contact but I can see he looks nervous. I introduce, "This is Seonghwa."

He greets them politely with a bow, "Hello, Major Lee and Mrs. Lee."

"You can just call us Sam and Eunbi," my mom responds with a warm smile. "Gosh you are more handsome in real life!!" she adds before hugging him suddenly. I can see he is caught off guard, I should have warned him she is a hugger. However I've never seen her hug a boyfriend ever! "You two look so cute together, with your couple outfits!" my mom says pulling back from Seonghwa.

"Not couple outfit, we just happened to be wearing the same colours." I say

"Well that just shows how in tune you are with one another!" she smiles widely

"Is that a box of chocolates I see?" my dad says with a small smile on his face, spotting the gift bag in Seonghwa's hand. He has a knack for detecting chocolate from miles away. I can see he is trying to remain in scary dad mode but with the prospect of his beloved chocolate he cannot keep up the facade and I have to suppress a giggle.

"Yes sir." Seonghwa replies, handing them over to him

"Seonghwa also picked out a bottle of wine for you, Mom." I say

"Oh you didn't need to do that! Thank you Seonghwa." she smiles at him "Dinner will be served soon so make yourself comfortable!" she adds

"Please, have a seat Seonghwa," my dad invites him to the decorated dining table, adorned with fresh flowers and flickering candles. My mom has gone all out for this dinner tonight!

With a gentle hand on my back, Seonghwa guides me to the table and pulls out a chair for me. I catch a faint smile of approval from my dad. It was one of his classic tests, something he's done with all of my previous boyfriends. He wants to see if Seonghwa is traditional and a gentleman, helping me sit before taking a seat himself. I didn't bother mentioning the test to Seonghwa. He always pulls out my chair for me, unless one of the other guys beats him to it. I had no doubt he would pass this test with flying colours.

“I've made a cottage pie, I hope that's alright with you, Seonghwa,” my mom says, looking at him.

“Of course,” he replies, nodding and remaining standing by the table.

“Oh, that's a relief!” my mom sighs. “I'll go check on it.”

"Take a seat." my dad nods towards him.

I know Seonghwa was waiting for my parents to sit first before he did. He takes a seat next to me and pulls his chair closer to the table.

“What exactly is a... cottage pie?” he leans in and whispers to me as my dad heads into the kitchen to assist my mom. His eyes hold a look of confusion, causing me to giggle. Unable to resist, I kiss his lips.

“It's minced beef mixed with gravy and topped with mashed potatoes. My mom adds carrots, peas and onions to hers. It's really delicious,” I explain with a smile. "You will like it!"

“Well that does sound delicious,” he responds with a smile of his own.

"My moms cooking is so good!" I murmur with a smile, nodding in agreement.

Seonghwa leans towards me. "If your moms cooking is anything like yours, I have no doubt that I'll love it." His lips meet mine in a sweet kiss, and I can't help but smile at the gesture. I respond with just as much affection, savouring the moment as his hand delicately cups my face.

"My wife and daughter have impeccable culinary skills," my dad's voice interrupts us, causing Seonghwa to jump back and letting go of me. My dad stands there, holding two glasses of wine in hand and a playful smirk on his face as he catches Seonghwa kissing me. Knowing how traditional Seonghwa is, I can see the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

I can't help but laugh as my dad's mischievous side starts to show. It's a good sign, but I'm not sure how Seonghwa will react to it during our first meeting. After all, my dad has a unique sense of humour.

His eyes twinkle playfully as he walks over to the dining table and sets down the glasses in front of us.

"Honey, don't tease the poor boy," my mom scolds with a grin while placing two more glasses on the table. "Seonghwa, please ignore my husband. He thinks he's funnier than he actually is."

"How dare you!" My dad gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. "I'll have you know that everyone at work thinks I'm the funniest Major on base!"

"Oh honey, that's only because they're afraid of you!" My mom lightly taps his shoulder. "If they don't laugh, you'll make them do 100 laps around the base."

"Well, I never!" My dad sighs theatrically.

I can see Seonghwa begin to relax a bit as he watches my parents' playful banter. But his shoulders are still tense. Under the table, I reach for his hand to give him some reassurance.

"Why don't you be useful and help me with the plates?" My mom suggests with a laugh.

"I can help." Seonghwa offers, standing up from his seat.

"You will do no such thing! You are a guest here and your only job is to eat and drink!" my mom insists, playfully pulling my dad's arm back into the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, my dad loves to joke around," I say with a smile as Seonghwa settles back into his seat.

"It's fine. I just felt a little uncomfortable that your dad caught us," he responds, sheepishly smiling.

"I know but don't worry about it. The fact that my dad is joking around with you means he likes you," I reassure him. "So don't feel awkward." I squeeze his hand before bringing it to my lips to kiss the back of it.

Seonghwas cheeks flush a little as he takes a deep breath and smiles back at me looking more relaxed. My parents start to bring in plates of food. We each have a large portion of cottage pie on our plates with bowls of vegetables, salad, rice and ramen in the middle to help ourselves to. I notice Seonghwas eyes grow a bit bigger at the sheer amount of food available.

"This looks delicious!" he says as my parents take their places at the table.

The aroma of my moms delicious cooking fills the dining room, making my mouth water in anticipation. It has been so long since I had her cooking. I glance at Seonghwa, and see his eyes shining with excitement.

"Well help yourselves!" my mom smiles gesturing to the food.

I notice her keen gaze fixed on Seonghwa as he takes his first bite of the cottage pie. He must be aware of her scrutiny, but he adeptly conceals it with a nonchalant expression.

"Wow, this is absolutely delicious!" Seonghwa's eyes widen in delight and I can tell he truly means it. He has always been a lover of food, savouring each and every flavour with an almost childlike enthusiasm.

"Oh I am glad!" My moms shoulders visibly relax as she takes a bite of her own food. I know she was anxious for Seonghwa to enjoy the meal she prepared for him.

As we all continue to enjoy our meal, the conversation flows effortlessly. My dad, always the entertainer, begins to regale us with a funny story from his younger days.

"So there I was, trying to impress your mom on our first date," he chuckles, his eyes glinting mischievously. I knew he was going to tell this story because he takes every opportunity he can get to tell it and honestly I love hearing it each time. "I took her to this fancy restaurant and thought I was being all smooth, ordering the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. Little did I know that Eunbi couldn't stand the taste of it!"

We all burst into laughter, including Seonghwa, who seems to have loosened up even more.

"It wasn't that I couldn't stand the taste of it, I had just never had such fancy wine before and it was a little strong for me back then!" my mom laughs

"You have the taste for expensive wines now though!" my dad comments

"I certainly do!" she says winking and holding up the glass of wine we brought before taking a drink.

"And then after all that you friend zoned me!" he laughs looking at her

"I was the best damn friend you ever had!" she replies looking back at him

"3 years later she finally agreed to be my girlfriend." he says, "and we were blessed with our little Luna soon afterwards!"

As our conversation continues, I can't help but pay attention to every small detail - the way Seonghwa chuckles at my father's cheesy jokes, his genuine interest in my mother's work stories. It all seems to be going smoothly, and I finally let myself relax.

"Luna has told us a little about you," my mom says to Seonghwa. "I understand that you need a degree of anonymity with your job and she's been very respectful about that."

Seonghwa blushes at her words, responding with a grateful smile. "I consider myself incredibly lucky to be a part of Luna's life," he says humbly. I reach for his hand under the table. The familiar warmth of his touch brings a smile to my face as I gently squeeze back, grateful to have him and the other guys in my life.

"Seonghwa, how did you get into the industry?" my dad asks, his voice gentle and curious.

"Ah, well, it started when I was young," Seonghwa replies "I always loved music, and when I saw kpop idols on TV, I knew that was what I wanted to do. So I auditioned for different agencies until KQ accepted me."

"Your hard work has certainly paid off," my dad says, nodding approvingly. "Forgive me, I don't keep up with kpop these days. My three daughters are the experts on that." he laughs "Luna says you're group is successful internationally. That's quite an accomplishment."

"Thank you, sir," Seonghwa responds, his gratitude genuine. "I've been fortunate to find a great team who supports and challenges me. We're like family."

As I listened to their exchange, I couldn't help but feel a surge of pride for Seonghwa. His dedication to his craft and love for his bandmates was truly inspiring. I am proud of all of them and their hard work. I catch my moms eye, and she gives me a knowing smile. She understands how much this moment means to me.

The dinner has progressed smoothly so far, everyone enjoying the delicious meal my mom had prepared, the conversation had flowed so naturally and it was heartwarming to see that Seonghwa was fitting in so seamlessly with my family.

Out of nowhere, my dad breaks the silence with a serious tone. "Seonghwa," he begins, his voice holding a weight I can feel in my chest. "I have an important question to ask you." My heart starts to race as anxiety sets in at the sudden shift in his demeanour.

"Of course, sir," Seonghwa replies, his expression attentive.

“How serious are you about my daughter?” he asks

"Dad!" I interject, feeling mortified that he would ask such a personal question.

"I am very serious, sir," Seonghwa answers confidently without skipping a beat.

"We cherish Luna and only want the best for her. She has faced challenges with all our moving due to my job, health issues, and even moving to Seoul alone at 18 years old. I will always worry about her, regardless of how grown and independent she may be. I will do everything in my power to seek justice for her if anyone ever harms her or causes her the slightest bit of sorrow." My dad continues speaking. "But I trust you to take care of her, to protect her and ensure her happiness."

Seonghwa's expression softens, and he nods earnestly. His voice, laced with determination and sincerity, cuts through the air as he speaks. "I promise you, sir," he declares. "I will pour every ounce of my being into ensuring Luna's happiness and well-being. You have my unwavering word on that."

"Thank you, Seonghwa," my dad says with a smile, glancing at my mom who gives him a nod. "We approve of your relationship."

"I know that in this modern era, our approval may not hold much weight, and we're not exactly traditional people either," my mom chimes in, "but when it comes to the happiness and safety of our firstborn daughter, we take things seriously."

"I completely understand, and I also take it very seriously," Seonghwa responds, looking at me. "Your daughter means everything to me."

I can't help but smile at his words, feeling my heart swell with emotions for him.

“Wait until the twins meet you,” my dad beams, “They're going to adore you! We haven't revealed Luna's employer yet; mostly because Hyejin can be quite loud at times!" he chuckles along with Seonghwa. "But also because they are familiar with your band."

"Oh right!" Seonghwa smiles

"As a matter of fact, we took them to see you perform in London earlier this year. It wasn't until Eunbi mentioned it that I even realised Luna worked for you."

"Wow," Seonghwa says, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I hope we met their expectations."

"Oh, you definitely did!" my mom joins in with a laugh. "They couldn't stop talking about it for weeks."

As the meal nears its end, I realise that tonight was a significant moment in our relationship. My parents' acceptance of Seonghwa was more than I could have hoped for. I know my mom will eventually figure out there is something more between us, but for now, I can relax.

After my mom practically pushes us into the lounge, refusing Seonghwa's offer to help with the dishes, I tell him it's best not to argue with them. We settle onto the sofa as my parents put away the dishes.

"Are you okay?" he asks me, his hand resting on my knee.

"I am," I reply, smiling at him and leaning in for a kiss. I feel his emotions through the touch of his lips on mine. "And you? My dad hasn't scared you off?"

"It would take more than that to scare me away," he reassures me with a grin.

As we sit on the sofa, our hands intertwined, I start to feel a mix of excitement and tranquillity.

"So, what do you think of my parents?" I ask, breaking the silence.

Seonghwa looks at me with a warm smile. "I can see where you get your kindness from," he replies. "They're genuinely caring people, and it's clear that they love you."

I blush at his words, feeling a rush of gratitude toward my parents. "I'm lucky to have them," I say softly. "And I'm lucky to have you too."

His eyes sparkle as he leans closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "No, Luna. I'm the lucky one." He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch sending shivers down my spine. "We all are." he whispers

I lean into his touch, feeling contentment wash over me.

My parents return to the living room carrying a tray of tea and biscuits, taking a seat across from us on the sofa.

"Would you prefer to have coffee Seonghwa?" my mom asks

"No, tea is perfect with me." he replies

"I assume my daughter has been trying to convert you all onto British tea!" my dad says. My dad knows me too well.

"She has been pretty successful in that sense!" Seonghwa smiles with a light laugh

The air was thick with a sense of warmth and comfort, like a warm embrace. But as my mom settled into her seat, I couldn't help but feel a subtle change in her disposition. The light in her eyes dimmed slightly, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards ever so slightly. A hint of worry or concern seemed to weigh on her mind, making me suddenly feel tense and uneasy.

"Luna, how have you been coping?" she asks me

My heart leaps in my chest as I know what she is referring to.

"I've been absolutely fine mom, you don't need to worry."

"Have you been taking your medication regularly?" she asks, concern evident in her voice.

Seonghwa looks startled by the sudden change in topic, his eyes darting between me and my mother. My heart begins to beat faster in my chest as I look at my mom and nod, replying in a careful tone, "Yes, Mom."

"Are you absolutely certain?" my mom persists. "Taking it every day, without fail? You know how crucial it is for your health to stay on top of that. With all the recent changes in your life - your new job, moving apartments, and a new relationship on top of all that - it would be easy for you to forget such things."

"Mom," I say with a strained tone, attempting to keep my composure. I plead silently with my eyes for her to stop her questioning. Seonghwa's concerned expression only adds to the pressure building inside me, and I know I need to reassure him too. As I struggle to maintain a facade of calmness, beads of sweat form on my forehead, betraying my true emotions. The air in the room feels thick and suffocating, like a pressure cooker about to explode. "I promise you, everything is completely under control," I finally manage to say, trying to sound confident.

"Honey, you don't want to end up in hospital again."

Seonghwa speaks hesitantly, his eyes shifting between my mom and me. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course," I respond, placing my hand on his arm in reassurance. "It's nothing to worry about."

My mom lets out a sigh, "Luna..."

Luckily, my dad senses the mood and jumps in. "It's okay, honey," he says.

But my mom won't let it go. "Sambeom, it's not okay!" she says, using his formal birth name. It's never a good sign when she does that. And when she calls me mine too it means things are really serious. "Younhas bipolar disorder is not nothing!"

I feel my chest tighten, my hands begin to shake as I anticipate Seonghwa's response to my mother's words and I find myself wanting to escape from the lounge and the awkward conversation. My eyes frantically scan the room, desperate for a way out, but I know deep down that I can't just run away from this.

"Mom, I really wish you hadn't said that." I say in English, my voice trembles.

"Why not?" she replies, turning back to look at me with furrowed brows.

"Because I hadn't told Seonghwa yet!" I reply, feeling more anxious than ever now that he is looking at me with concern in his eyes and confusion etched on his face.

But my mom, ever the worrier, couldn't let it go. "How could you not have told him?! Seonghwa has a right to know. How can he look after you if he doesn’t know?"

"Actually," I counter, trying to keep my emotions in check, "It's my decision when and how to share something so personal. And also, I can look after myself!! I don’t need someone else to do it for me!"

She questions, "Shouldn't your boyfriend know everything about you?"

"Mom..." I pause, unsure of how to respond so she continues

"How can you expect to have an open and trusting relationship if you hide important details like that from him? On what planet do you expect a relationship to grow when you can't even be honest with him?!"

I try to reply but nothing comes out of my mouth. I know my mom has the best intentions and is only concerned for me but I feel so angry at this moment. Telling Seonghwa I am bipolar was one thing but to question my relationship was another. As the tension mounts, my dad clears his throat and attempts to change the subject. "So, Seonghwa, tell us more about your life as a singer. It must be very exciting."

I struggle to pay attention to the new conversation, my mind consumed by the revelation of my secret and the vulnerability it has exposed. Seonghwa notices my distress and tries to comfort me silently by holding my hand, but I need some space. I pull my hand away from his grasp and excuse myself to the bathroom, quickly leaving the room before anyone can respond.

"Luna!" I hear my mom call out as I enter the hallway.

"Give her a moment, honey," my dad interjects.

As I close the bathroom door behind me I fall back into it. I look up and see my reflection in the mirror of the door. I look awful! The tears that had filled my eyes has smudged eyeliner and mascara. My face is flushed red. My appearance mirrored the turmoil within me, a dishevelled mess that I couldn't hide or fix.

“Fuck!” I moan quietly, sinking to the floor, my body heavy with frustration. I slide over to the bath and rest against it. I pull my legs up and place my head on my knees. My hands pressed flat against the cool marble flooring, providing some sense of stability amidst the chaos in my mind. I close my eyes and take slow, purposeful breaths, trying to focus on the sensation of the cold surface beneath me in an attempt to ground myself before I spiral further and let it consume me completely.

After 5, maybe even 10 minutes I hear a light tap on the door and I raise my head, startled out of my thoughts. "It's me, darling," Seonghwa's gentle voice calls from outside. "You don't need to open the door, but please just let me know that you're alright."

I lean forward to unlock it before moving back against the bath, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. The room is dimly lit, with only a small window allowing a sliver of light to enter. Seonghwa enters slowly, his soft footsteps barely audible on the tiled floor. He sees me sitting on the floor and quietly closes and locks the door behind him before taking a seat beside me. His long legs stretched out in front of him.

"You don't have to face this alone." He says softly. "You have the 8 of us right here with you."

As I listen to his words, my frazzled nerves start to calm down. His reassurance is like a soothing balm, but even with his comforting words, I can't shake the fear that my condition will impact our relationship, despite his promises.

I start to speak, my words hesitant and uncertain. "Seonghwa...I never intended to deceive you. To lie to you all."

He interrupts me, his voice full of reassurance. "You didn't lie at all."

The weight of my guilt hangs heavy in the air, suffocating me with every breath. My hands shake as I grasp onto my legs tightly, fighting back the tears that threaten to spill over. "I did lie, by omission," I finally choke out, my voice trembling with emotion. "You all made it clear from the beginning that honesty was necessary for this relationship to thrive, and I wasn't. My mom is right, if I can’t be honest with you all then this relationship won’t work!” I say holding back the tears.

Seonghwas head quickly snaps to look at me. “Darling, my feelings for you haven’t changed. I am not letting you go.” he replies, putting an arm around me.

“But…” I begin but he stops me

"I'm not upset that you didn't tell us; I understand why. You are an incredibly independent person, you made it clear to all of us from the start that you do not like being fussed over and you probably knew that we would do exactly that if we knew. All I care about is your safety and how you're coping with it on your own. Are you okay?" he says

“I am!” I confirm, letting myself lean against his body while still keeping my arms tightly wrapped around my knees. “I truly mean it. I’ve been diligently taking my prescribed medication and regularly visiting my therapist."

"That is good!" I can hear the smile on his face. "Does your therapy help?"

"It helps a lot! Remember when I said I was going to the karaoke room with my cousin last week?" I feel him nod in reply "I was actually at one of my therapy sessions. I hated having to lie to you all, but Hongjoong knew where I was. He has known for a while." I take the opportunity to look at him, hoping to gauge his reaction to what we are talking about.

"That makes me feel better knowing you weren't dealing with it all alone." he smiles softly at me

"I was planning to tell you and the others when I was ready. I swear to you!” I say as I slowly unwrap my arms from my legs and let them move towards him

He pulls me closer, and I allow myself to fully sink into his embrace now. "I know you would have," he says as his hand strokes my face. "You just needed the perfect moment, huh?" I nod silently, feeling grateful for his understanding. He kisses the top of my head, and for a moment everything feels okay. His hands move me so I am sitting on his lap facing him.

"My bipolar doesn't define me. Just like my allergies don't but it is a part of who I am." I say looking into his eyes "As much as I want to, I can't change that. It makes people treat me as if I am about to break or a child who can't do anything for myself, like manage my medication or keep on top of my condition." I look down as my hands rest on his chest, "I was scared that you would all treat me the same way or decide I am not worth it."

"I know, Luna," he says softly, his voice unwavering. I feel his fingers touch the tip of my chin, gently tilting my head to look at him "We would never think you aren't worth it. And I don't normally speak for the others but I will now because I am 100% certain of these words - none of us are going anywhere. I don't think any of us can imagine life without you in it now." The sincerity in his gaze brings tears to my eyes and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I don't deserve such understanding and compassion. Leaning in, I press my lips against his, relieved when he kisses me back. We stay that way for a moment, our foreheads touching.

"I am sorry for leaving you alone with my parents like I did." I say with a small sigh.

He responds, "It's fine. You needed space. Your mom explained that when you get overwhelmed you need time alone to do a little reset." He takes my face in his hands. "Please don't be mad at me for what I am about to say next, but she does have a point. About the new changes you've gone through lately, I mean."

I pull back slightly to look at him, noticing the worry in his eyes. I lean in for a kiss to reassure him. "I'm not mad and of course she's right! She usually is but it just doesn't make her overbearing nature any easier to deal with." I say

"I can see that." he says softly "Do you want to go home now?"

"Yes, please. Anywhere but this bathroom floor. I'll speak with my mom tomorrow, when we're both in a better state of mind." I let out a sigh of relief that he understands what I need.

"I'll talk to your parents and grab your things. Don't worry," he smiles at me reassuringly. "I'll wait by the door for when you're ready. Take your time."

"Thank you," I smile back as he helps me up and stands up too. He kisses my cheek before unlocking the bathroom door and leaving. I look at myself in the mirror and groan. My makeup is smudged all over my face, making me look like a panda. I try to clean it up, but it's no use. I grab a makeup wipe from the counter top and remove most of it. Even though my face is still red and puffy from crying, Seonghwa has seen me look worse first thing in the morning and at this point of the evening I don't even care. I take out my contact lenses, which have become incredibly uncomfortable from all the tears.

As I go into the hallway I see Seonghwa and my dad at the front door. My bag and coat are in Seonghwas hands as he talks with my dad quietly. I can't hear what they are saying in their hushed voiced but they both have serious looks on their faces so I can only assume it is about me.

"There is my beautiful girl!" my dad smiles as he sees me and opens his arms. "It was lovely to see you both tonight." he adds as I sink into him

"Is mom okay?" I ask quietly. It didn't feel right leaving without saying goodbye to her but at the same time I didn't trust myself not to say something and inside there was still a bubble of anger in the pit of my stomach.

"Don't worry, she is fine! You two will patch things up when you are both in a calmer mood, just like you always do." he whispers into my ear. "Now make sure to text me when you are both safely home!" he add louder for Seonghwa to hear.

Seonghwa helps me put my coat on and my bag then we leave after my dad hands over a bag full of leftover food. As we walk out of the apartment building and into the cool night air, I feel a sense of relief washing over me. The tension that had built up between my mom and me is still there and will be until we speak properly, but for now, I feel a little calmer. Seonghwas hand clasps onto mine as we walk back to our apartment. In the dark surroundings of the night and without my contact lenses in, my vision is bad and I am relying purely on Seonghwa to guide me.

"Are you alright?" he asks with concern. "Your face looks like you're in pain."

"Oh no, this is just my 'I can't see shit without my glasses on' face." I reply

"What about your contacts?" he inquires

"I had to take them out in the bathroom. They were making my eyes irritated from all the tears." I explain.

"Darling, why didn't you tell me you couldn't see? Hop on my back and I'll carry you the rest of the way." he offers, moving in front of me.

"Aww, I appreciate it, but I'm fine!" I laugh lightly. "Just hold my hand tight and make sure I don't walk into anything like a streetlight or a plant!"

"Okay." he sighs, I can't see his expression clearly enough but the tone said it all.

He takes my hand in his again, guiding me gently as we make our way into the park. There is a peaceful quietness between us. Seonghwa leads me to a tree adorned with twinkling fairy lights, and in the soft glow, I can see his face a little clearly now. He pulls me into an embrace, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting gesture. I nuzzle into his chest, inhaling his familiar scent mixed with the crisp autumn air.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of this," he whispers into my ear. "But just remember, no matter what happens with your mom or anything else in life, I'll always be here for you."

A single tear escapes down my cheek, and I cling to him with even more strength. "There's something else I need to tell you," I manage to say. He remains silent, giving me the space and comfort to continue. "I only found out about my bipolar disorder because... I did something really really stupid."

He speaks softly as I pull away from him, trying to gather the courage to tell him face-to-face. "You can tell me," he reassures me.

"I-I tried...I wanted to..." I stumble over my words, struggling to voice what's on my mind. "I'm sorry, I'm just... scared."

"If it's too difficult for you to say, then you don't have to. Our relationship won't change either way," he assures me again.

"No, I need to tell you, it is the least you deserve." I reply taking a deep breath. "I was in a dark place early last year - overworked, overwhelmed, exhausted, and incredibly lonely. I was missing my family, missing my friends. Due to the pandemic I was working very long hours then going home alone. Everything just felt like too much to handle and I didn't know what to do. I wished for peace more than anything though. Just wanted things to stop. I wanted the thoughts to stop." I sigh looking down, scared to look at his face. My eyes focus on a button on his coat as I continue. "My friends brother found me. He was dropping off some food their mom had made for their neighbourhood, she always made extra for everyones friends too so Minjun dropped mine off. He thought I was working that night so had only planned to leave the food in my fridge and go but I wasn't and he found me unconscious. He drove me to the hospital and stayed with me while they.... fixed me" I struggle to say the exact words. "I was soon transferred to the psychiatric unit for assessment, even then he stayed in the hospital building until my Uncle Jihoon and Aunt Soomin arrived 2 days later. They had been in Jeju Island with her family. I stayed in the unit for 5 weeks, during which time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started medication and therapy treatment." I can feel his arms tighten around me. "It is why I always wear a lot of bracelets or long sleeves, I don't want people to see the scars."

"Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me," he says, his voice filled with empathy. "I can't begin to imagine the pain you've been through, but I want you to know that I'm here for you now."

A wave of pure relief washes over me. I hadn't expected him to be so understanding.

"Lets get you home!" he smiles.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The apartment is bustling with noise as we enter, now that more people are home. Mingi and Yeosang are engrossed in a game of Mario Kart on the sofa, while Yunho and Jongho watch them play.

“Ah, wasn’t expecting you two back so early!” Yunho smiles looking over at us

"We're all playing Mario Kart, you should join us," Yeosang suggests, eyes fixated on the television screen

I exchange a glance with Seonghwa and give a slight nod. To be honest, I just want to crawl into bed and sleep it off, but I know Yunho will start worrying if I do that. And Seonghwa would definitely be concerned as well, considering recent events.

“Sure.” Seonghwa says, his hand strokes my back gently.

Sitting in the middle of Yunho and Jongho, I catch a subtle exchange of looks between Yunho and Seonghwa. Suddenly, Yunho declares that he's going to make ramen for everyone. He leans in to kiss my cheek before heading to the kitchen, Seonghwa follows closely behind. My heart races with fear that Seonghwa might spill my secret to Yunho. He sees me looking at him, probably with a look of fear in my eyes and comes over to me instead, he surprises me by leaning down and planting a gentle kiss on my other cheek. In a hushed tone, he reassures me, "It's alright. I am just going to put the food in the fridge. Would you like some toast and jam?"

I shake my head, "Not hungry." I respond.

"Maybe a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits?" He inquires.

"I'm fine," I say.

"Have some noodles at least, even just a little bit?" He suggests. I look up at his eyes and they look almost pleading-like.

"Okay," I reply quietly. There's no use arguing with him; I can tell he's determined to make sure I eat something.

Seonghwa runs his fingers through my hair gently before heading back into the kitchen. Jonghos body settles next to me on the couch, and I follow suit by bringing my feet up and crossing my legs. Mingi and Yeosang are still engrossed in their game as Jongho and I sit in silence, my gaze fixed on the coffee table in front of us. Tears begin to well up in my eyes again, and I let out a small sniffle that goes unnoticed thanks to the noise from the game as well as Mingi and Yeosangs playful banter with one another over who was in the lead. Or so I thought until I feel Jongho's hand slip into mine. I look at him, surprised by his sudden contact but also comforted by it at the same time. His eyes remain focused on the TV. My gaze shifts down to our linked hands as he gives it a gentle squeeze, our intertwined fingers hidden from view between us on the couch.

As we sit in silence, a sense of understanding permeates the air between us, offering an unspoken solace. I let my head fall against the plush back of the sofa and gaze up at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I decide to focus on my breathing. With each inhale and exhale, I can feel my body slowly succumbing to the tiredness. I feel the heavy weight of my head listlessly roll to the side and come to rest on something sturdy and warm. The faint aroma of Jongho's signature cologne lingers in my nose as my mind slips into a state of emotional exhaustion.

─ ｡☆: 3rd person POV :☆｡ ─

Jongho's gaze shifts down to his shoulder as he notices that Luna has succumbed to slumber, her form nestled against him in peaceful repose. He can see the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathes, her body completely relaxed against the side of his body. Unsure of how to proceed, Jongho takes in his surroundings - Mingi and Yeosang engrossed in their race, Seonghwa and Yunho bustling in the kitchen - before returning his attention to Luna, studying her delicate features.

Over the past few weeks, he has made a conscious effort not to stare at her. Which has been easier said than done when he wants nothing more than to look at her, wondering what she sees in him to want to be with him. His thoughts carrying away and convinces himself that maybe it's because of the others around him and he's just a small part of the package deal.

Whenever they are alone together, he becomes too flustered to even speak, let alone truly look at her. But now, for the first time, he can admire Luna's features without feeling self-conscious. He notices that her natural lip shape resembles a heart and she has light coloured freckles sprinkled across her cheeks, a little mole underneath her left eye and a tiny indent of a very old scar on her cheek. He takes this opportunity to fully take in all of her unique features. Jongho allows himself to sink into this moment, feeling grateful for the calm bliss it brings. That Luna feels safe and comfortable enough with him to fall asleep beside him.

As soon as Luna had sat down beside him, he could sense the tension in her body. The murmuring tone of her conversation with Seonghwa when her voice is usually animated even when being quieter, the way Seonghwa looked at her like he was concerned and then the soft sniffle he heard confirmed that something was bothering her. He couldn't just ignore it; he wanted to offer some kind of comfort to her. Without drawing attention or making her uneasy by asking if she was ok, he gently took her hand in his. For a moment, he was worried she might pull away, but when he felt her hand relax in his grasp and he knew she welcomed the support. Now she had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

As Seonghwa comes in from the kitchen holding some bowls of ramen he quickly noticed Luna on Jonghos shoulder.

"Is she sleeping?" he whispers, setting the bowls down on the coffee table.

"Yeah, she just dozed off suddenly," Jongho replies.

Seonghwa disappears into Luna's bedroom and returns with her favourite kuromi blanket in his hands. Mingi and Yeosang turn their attention to Luna as well.

"Is everything alright? With Luna, I mean." Jongho asks as Seonghwa gently lays the blanket over her as Yunho comes in with drinks.

"Yeah, she is fine." Seonghwa replies

"You sure?" Yunho asks, his eyebrow raising slightly

Like Jongho, Yunho had also picked up on her body language when she got home and the look in Seonghwas eyes.

"Yeah, she was just tired on the walk home. I think seeing her family after so long probably took a lot out of her." he explains, gently stroking Luna's cheek. "You know how we can get when we're away from our families for too long."

"Yeah, we definitely do." Mingi nods his eyes looking at her, "It must be harder for Luna though. Her family doesn't even live in the same country as she does."

"How will we get her into her bed?" Yeosang asks

"We can let her rest here for a little while. I don't mind sitting out of the next game, Seonghwa can take my spot. If she doesn't wake up within an hour, I can carry her to her room and one of you can help get her ready for bed," Jongho suggests.

They all agree with that plan. Seonghwa and Yunho sit down and they begin to eat and play. As time passes by, Luna remains sound asleep on Jonghos shoulder, not moving an inch and their hands still entwined. The room is filled with a hushed silence, broken only by soft laughter at the game antics and the occasional clink of utensils as they ate.

Finally Luna begins to stir, feeling a slight stiffness in her neck from the angle her head had been at. Her eyes flutter open, trying to take in her surroundings with her blurred vision.

"Hey sleepyhead!" Jongho greets her quietly with a gentle smile

Luna suddenly sits upright and looks at him, realising she had fallen asleep on him. "Sorry." she mumbles, her hand leaving his. "You should have nudged me to wake up!"

"It is okay, you must have needed the sleep." he says

"You want some noodles? We have some left over." Yunho says

"No thanks, I just want to go to bed. I have work in the morning." she replies yawning loudly "Oh sorry!" she covers her mouth, blushing lightly at how loud it was.

Yunho's hand caresses Luna's back, eliciting a small smile from her to him. He senses something is off, but he doesn't want to pry. At first he thought she was feeling uneasy about their night together but then remembered how she cuddled into him earlier as she waited for Seonghwa, kissed him infront of both Mingi and Seonghwa. While in the kitchen he had asked Seonghwa if everything was okay with Luna, he received the same answer as everyone else - she was just exhausted. And when Yunho discovered her sleeping soundly in the lounge a few minutes later, it seemed to confirm that. However, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it, and he wondered if it had anything to do with the insecurity she had confided in him about the night before.

Yunho is pleasantly surprised when Luna turns to hug him properly. Seonghwas eyes carefully watch her, looking for any signs of feeling upset, as does the others. She stands up from the sofa with the help of Yunho and Jongho, exchanging hugs and goodnight kisses to each of the guys except Jongho. She wasn't sure if he was ready for that level of physical contact yet since he has only held her hand twice and then there was the near kiss in the kitchen the week before.

As she bids Jongho a good night, he reaches out and gently strokes the side of her head before she can turn away. His smile is soft and kind as he looks at her. The others begin to tidy up the lounge, taking the dishes into the kitchen, leaving them alone in the lounge.

"Sorry again for falling asleep on you." she says

"My shoulder is always available if you need it again." he laughs lightly "I hope you have a good sleep sweetheart." he adds moving his hand to cup her cheek delicately.

Luna feels her heart skip a beat at the pet name he has suddenly started calling her recently. Resisting the urge to hug him, she simple smiles and says "You too." before going to her bedroom. Unbeknown to her, Jongho was also holding back from pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly.

Luna smiles as she sees the large kuromi plushie Yunho got her on the bed indicating to her that he had put it in her bedroom while she was out this evening. Immediately she goes over to it and pulls it into her arms, lying on the bed. The soft fabric and faint scent of Yunho giving her comfort.

Once a few moments have passed, she stands up and prepares for bed. She follows her nightly routine of washing her face and brushing her teeth before selecting her pyjamas for the night. After glancing at her usual long-sleeved nightshirt she throws it onto the chair at her desk and instead pulls a vest top from her dresser. It is too hot at night for such a heavy material of the long sleeved shirt and tonight she just wants to be comfortable, not covered up.

She puts on the top and a pair of shorts before picking up the clothes scattered on the floor and tossing them onto the chair with the discarded night shirt.

A soft voice interrupts her thoughts, causing her to turn around and see Seonghwa entering her bedroom. He closes the door behind him before walking over to her.

"I just wanted to check on you before I go to bed," he says gently. "Tonight was a lot for you."

"It was, but I'll be okay Hwa," she replies. "I feel safe here... in my home with all of you."

"I'm glad this feels like home to you, because it is. And I think it's safe to say that we all feel more at home with you here too," he responds.

Luna moves closer to him and wraps her arms around his shoulders, feeling his warmth against her own body.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "Tonight must have been overwhelming for you too – not just my parents, but everything else that occurred. You had a lot of heavy information thrown at you."

With a serious expression, Seonghwa says, "I won't hide the truth from you." Luna takes in a sharp breath, bracing herself for whatever he is about to say. "I know it's a lot to handle, but all I want is for you to be happy and healthy. If you tell me that you have your bipolar disorder under control, then I will trust you. But please promise me that if you start feeling like things are slipping or not quite right, you will tell me or Hongjoong immediately." He leans in closer, looking into her eyes as she nods in agreement, her hand moving to the side of his head. "Promise me!"

"I promise you, Hwa. I will tell you." she replies firmly.

A look of slight relief washes over his face, causing his features to soften into a gentle smile. He reaches for her hand, carefully threading his fingers through hers and pressing a tender kiss against the delicate skin of her wrist. Normally, she despises any attention being drawn to her scars, but with him, she feels nothing but safety and acceptance. She knows that he sees and understands her past struggles.

"If you need anything tonight, just come to my room. Even if I am asleep, wake me up." he says looking back at her eyes

"I am sure I will be fine but thank you." she replies

Seonghwa smiles softly at her, nodding his head in understanding before pulling her close and pressing a gentle kiss against her lips. Their breaths mingle in the air between them, warm and sweet.

"All right, then," he whispers back. "Let's get you tucked into bed."

Luna nods as Seonghwa helps her lie down on the soft, cosy pillows of her bed. The sheets are cool against her heated skin but comfortable. He hands over the kuromi plushie, smiling fondly at it as she wraps her arms around it while he pulls up the blankets over her, taking care to make sure she's snug and warm. He tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and leans in close again to kiss her forehead.

"Goodnight, Luna," he whispers, stroking her cheek with his thumb as he pulls away from her slightly but not letting go of their entwined hands.

"Goodnight, Hwa," she replies softly, her voice barely above a whisper too.

She watches as he switches on her fairy lights, turns off her bedside lamp and makes his way across her room to her door. He gives her one last smile before leaving. She yawns and closes her eyes, as she hears the others quietly making their way upstairs to their respective bedrooms. Tonight didn't go as planned, however Luna knew one thing for certain - she felt lighter knowing she wasn't lying or hiding something from one more person in her life but hoped the time would come soon she would feel ready to tell the others, and that they will be as understanding as Hongjoong and Seonghwa have been.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist: @kiwibaekie @fudgeflyssworld @kodzukein @elk-1998 @khjcoo @pepperony-7 @ateez-babygirl @starillusion13 @stephy-nicole13 @truthbehindthereflection @livingdeadlisa @stayteezdreams @atinyapple1117

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ferrarihamilton · 7 months

Note

Begging on my knees for a snippet of frat yukierre 🧎🏼‍♀️

I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD CRACKED MY WRITERS BLOCK WITH THIS ONE. alas. here's almost 2k that hopefully i will finish one day, inspired by yuki's outfit back in miami:

Pierre does make a pros/cons spreadsheet when he’s keeping track of all his bids, and he talks to his parents and his older brothers but at the end of the day he picks his frat mostly based on which one played the least shit music during rush, which lands him in SigEp. It’s a good choice: the house is newly renovated with a pool, and they don’t make him do anything too awful or offensively American for pledge, thank fuck.

But most importantly, SigEp is on good terms with most of the sorority houses. This means every weekend Pierre gets to flirt with a pretty girl over beer pong and drink Rolling Rocks instead of Coors.

Their last mixer before finals is with ADPi, which he’s glad for: the ADPi girls are hot but not crazy, and the other frat there is SigNu, who are always a good mix of chill and rowdy. He does the rounds before things get too wild, dialing his smile up a notch when he says hello to the girls he already knows, leaning on his vowels as he lets himself get introduced to a gaggle of littles in identical neon bandeaus.

“Are you French?” one of them asks, eyes wide.

“Oui,” he says, patiently, and smirks as they all giggle again. Amy and Laura, behind them, simultaneously roll their eyes, and Pierre winks at them. He’s hooked up with both of them before— together and separately, and he wouldn’t be opposed to a repeat, but the night is still young. He’s in no hurry.

He’s finishing his third beer and flirting with a girl from his stats class when Charles— who isn’t even in Greek life, and somehow gets invited to most mixers all the same— appears next to him.

“Pierre, mate,” she says, in a tone that never means any good. The other girl makes herself scarce almost immediately, because Charles has a reputation for being sweet until she’s not. Pierre suppresses a sigh and turns to her.

“Hello Charles,” Pierre says drily. “Yes, I am good, thank you for asking. How are you?”

Charles flashes him a crinkly smile, either oblivious or uncaring of his sarcasm. “Have you met Yuki?” she asks in French.

“Who?”

Charles points over her shoulder at a guy on the other side of the room. He’s wearing a bright pink shirt in a shiny fabric, with matching shorts. “Yuki, he’s from Japan. He is a mech-E major.”

Pierre raises his eyebrows. He’s known Charles his entire life, and she’s never meddled with his hook ups before. “I think you are supposed to show me a girl, no? You will get in trouble with the ADPi board.” He still looks though, because why wouldn’t he. The guy’s back is turned to them, talking to some people around the beer pong sign-ups. “He’s not my type.”

Charles just grins and starts shouldering her way through the crowd. Pierre shakes his head, feeling a smile pull at his mouth, and grabs another beer before following her.

“Yuki!” Charles calls when they get close.

Yuki turns around, breaking into a smile when he catches sight of Charles. It’s a nice smile. He’s short— shorter than most of the girls here, even, with round, soft features and broad shoulders. He’s wearing a pink snapback backwards, and his shirt is unbuttoned all the way.

Pierre knows he’s staring. Next to him, he can feel Charles’ smugness radiating off of her.

“Hey Charles,” Yuki says, holding his fist out for a fistbump. Once Charles has knocked their knuckles together, he turns to Pierre, looking up through his eyelashes at expectantly. “I’m Yuki,” he says. His lower lip is pinker than the top one, like he’s been biting it. On a girl, Pierre would call his expression coy.

“Pierre.” Pierre’s mouth is dry. He can’t stop looking at the line of Yuki’s tummy where his shirt is open. He wonders if he slipped a hand there, if Yuki’s waist would feel as solid as it looks.

“I know,” Yuki says. “I was in Intro to Civil last year.”

Pierre had TA’d that class last year, a freshman paper. Which makes Yuki a sophomore. “But you’re a mech major?”

Yuki shrugs, his grin widening. “Guess you were a shit TA.”

Pierre surprises himself by laughing. Charles, who had stepped around Yuki to peer at the beer pong board, gives Pierre a shit-eating smile of delight and two thumbs up, before disappearing into the crowd.

Yuki’s beaming up at him now. It makes Pierre feel powerful, confident; he puts on his best smile and angles his body so he’s leaning against the wall, facing Yuki. “You’re with Sigma Nu?”

Yuki looks him up and down. His smile falls into something more private, and Pierre’s about to straighten up, thinking he read the situation wrong, when Yuki deadpans, “No, I’m with ADPi.”

Pierre relaxes, laughs again. “I mean,” he drawls. “You’re the right height.”

“Hey, oi!” Yuki shoves at his shoulder. He’s laughing too. Pierre’s already leaning against the wall, so the movement does nothing but bring Yuki closer to him. His hands feel sure, strong. He’s the perfect size to fit against Pierre’s side, under his arm.

He takes a sip of his drink, smirking. “And what are you wearing, all this pink and purple? Definitely a sorority girl.”

“I’m on theme.” Yuki waves at the rest of the room, decorated with LED lights and projections of city skylines for the vaporwave theme, whatever the fuck that means. “Unlike you. Lazy. Every other frat boy here is wearing a white graphic t-shirt too.”

“You live in a frat too,” Pierre points out. It’s hard to forget, with the way he looks: open shirt, shorts string untied at the hips, snapback and sunglasses and delicate chain on his collarbones.

"A better one," Yuki says, grinning.

“No way, your house is old as fuck. And we’ve got a pool.”

“Not all of us need a pool to get people wet,” Yuki says, straight-faced, and Pierre squawks, startled, before laughing so hard he’s basically crying. When he wipes his eyes, Yuki is watching him, the apples of his cheeks dimpled with how wide he’s smiling.

He ducks his head when Pierre catches him, picking up his drink again, and asks, “You’re from France?”

The change of subject is so cute that Pierre gives in, and slides an inch closer to Yuki so their arms are touching. He can feel the muscles in Yuki’s bicep jump, briefly, before he’s pressing back, warm and sweaty. “What gave it away?”

“Charles told me.”

“Ohhhh,” Pierre makes an exaggerated sound. “You were talking about me, were you?”

Yuki rolls his eyes. They're crowded close together in the packed room, though they still have to raise their voices to speak. Yuki's smirking a bit at him. From this angle, he has to tilt his chin almost all the way up to look at Pierre.

“Want to play beer pong?” Pierre asks. He feels hot under is collar, clammy at his armpits.

“Fuck yes,” Yuki says. It’s hard to tell under the dimmed lights, but it looks like he’s blushing, and he’d stumbled just a teeny bit before replying. Pierre puts his hand on his lower back, steers him to the end of the beer pong table.

They win, easily. The girls on the other side of the table pout, which Pierre is definitely going to get a word about from his chapter president in the morning: the unspoken rule is to let the girls sink some cups in, break the ice for conversation later, but Pierre is having too much fun listening to Yuki’s cheers every time he makes a shot, feeling his body next to his, sweaty in the packed room. When he sinks his third cup in a row, he wraps an arm around Yuki’s waist without thinking, lifts him up. His side is warm, and Yuki turns his face into his neck for a moment when he puts him down. Pierre can feel him grinning against his shoulder.

“Bravo, bravo.”

“We make a good team,” Pierre says.

“We?” Yuki shoots back. “I sunk more cups than you.”

“One more cup than me.”

“One more is still more. Better start practicing.” Yuki touches his wrist, easily, with warm fingers. Pierre has to lean down to hear him, which puts him right in line with the shock of his neon cap. He steals it, puts it backwards on himself.

“How do I look?”

“Like a frat boy,” Yuki says. He’s teasing, but he’s also fixing Pierre with the growing smile of someone who starting to realise they’re going to get laid tonight, so Pierre doesn’t mind much. He can feel a matching smile on his own face.

“Want another drink?”

Yuki gives him a once over, so deliberate. “Not really.”

It’s still pretty early. If Pierre was doing this, he’d draw it out a little, maybe talk to someone else for a bit, circle back around to Yuki when it got closer to midnight.

“SigNu house is a bit far from here,” he says.

“It’s like, 15 minutes.”

Pierre grins. “SigEp is 10.”

Yuki rolls his eyes. “Let me get a drink. Then we can go.”

“Thought you didn’t want another drink.”

“I realised I need another one to deal with you.”

Pierre grins again. He can’t stop; he feels a bit giddy. “I can get them. Meet you outside in five."

When they meet out the front, he says, “Here," innocently, and hands Yuki the White Claw he’d nicked from Amy’s secret stash.

Yuki rolls his eyes, but still says, “Thanks,” and cracks it open to chug immediately. He gets halfway before making a face.

“Don’t like it?”

“American alcohol sucks.” He eyes the fresh Coors in Pierre’s hand. “Do you actually like that?”

Pierre does have some taste, so of course he doesn’t. “We’re in the land of the free,” he says. “Need to get the full experience.”

Yuki snorts. It's unbearably cute.

“I do miss wine though,” Pierre says.

“Mmm,” Yuki says. “Have you been to the Connection? They have a good selection, for pretty cheap too.” “You’ll have to take me,” Pierre says.

Yuki raises an eyebrow, like it’s a challenge. “Okay.”

He’s still at the top of the porch, much too far away for Pierre’s liking. He’s taller than Pierre, now that Pierre’s standing two steps down.

“You’re cute,” Pierre says.

“You wear too much cologne.”

“Bro." Pierre sniffs his collar. "No I don’t.”

“You don’t,” Yuki says, smirking. “But you were worried for a second.”

Pierre can’t remember the last time he genuinely laughed this much at a mixer. He shoves Yuki a little, then has to lean forward to reel him back in when it looks like Yuki might lose his balance.

“That was so your fault,” Yuki accuses.

“You didn’t spill your drink,” Pierre says instead of denying it. They're very close now, enough that Pierre can smell the sugar of White Claw on Yuki's breath. Pierre’s still got his hands on his hip and shoulder from steadying him; his body is just as solid as Pierre thought it would be.

“I have priorities,” Yuki says, and there’s a beat of pause, and then Yuki’s leaning down and slotting their lips together, still smiling as he kisses him. Pierre shifts, tightening his grip as he kisses back, pulling Yuki down and straining up. He licks Yuki’s lower lip and catches it against his teeth.

When they pull apart, Pierre tries to dive back in immediately. Yuki steps away, still smiling. “Let’s go,” he says.

#and then they fuck nasty etc etc #yukierre #jo writes fic #the day i actually finish this one i'll pop some massive fucking bottles bc i had such grand visions about #yuki getting fucked in his little pink and purple miami outfit

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frozenjokes · 6 months

Text

Signing In: Impulse - 1

***

It was a slow day at the Town Centre market, but that wasn’t particularly unusual for Impulse, especially since his stand tended to be more out of the way. He and Skizz had been so excited to rent the little thing out all those years ago, when the prospect of growth and wealth was still a reachable fantasy.

“Everyone starts somewhere, and hey, maybe we’re starting a tad late, but we’ve got our little forge and a roof over our heads, so I’d say we’re doing pretty well for ourselves!” Skizz had said, eyeing the other, more favorable booth locations hungrily. “Yeah, we’ll get there.”

“Sure, if we get really good at this really fast,” Impulse huffed, giving Skizz’s shoulder a healthy shove. “Remind me why I let you talk me into a trade profession so late in life? Most of these people have been doing this since they were kids.”

“Of course!” Skizz never got tired of reminding him, responding with the same energy as he had the first time Impulse voiced his doubts, “It’s because you’re miserable! Well, were miserable, because your new life starts today!”

“I thought it started when I quit my old job? Or when you first showed me how to work the forge? Or when I got started on the paperwork for this stand? Or-”

“Many new beginnings! Exciting, isn’t it?” Skizz sighed contentedly, resting his hands behind his head, “Oh yeah, this is gonna be great.”

And it’s not that it wasn’t great, even all these years later. It was fine . It was more than fine! Impulse loved working in the forge with Skizz, even if Skizz wasn’t particularly talented at the trade and Impulse didn’t have enough experience to feel competent at the job. He enjoyed feeling challenged as well as some of the creative freedom he had now, especially opposed to the monotony of the ocean where he fished the same seas for hours in the overbearing sun. Even still, sometimes he missed the security of the repetition. Impulse had a good idea of how much he’d catch, how much he’d make at the end of the day, and if money got tight, he could just put in more hours! Maybe that’s why he had gotten so depressed in the first place; nothing to look forward to but the same seas every hour of every day, doing the same mindless work.

Now, money was always tight. Always. Impulse had never had the luxury of a life without financial burdens, and typically, he wasn’t too bent out of shape about it. He hadn’t ever known anything else, and under normal circumstances, his social class didn’t cause too much earth-shattering stress.

But Skizz was sick. He always seemed to be sick lately, the instances where he was in perfect health getting to be few and far between. Skizz was sick, and medicine was too expensive.

It was a slow day at the Town Centre market, and Impulse found himself staring enviously at the other stalls, stewing in his own stress. He wasn’t as witty or charismatic as the typical shopkeep, his attempts at open charm usually falling flat and making him feel far worse. Was he more of a failure if he didn’t try at all? Skizz made it look so easy, drawing people in with a bright smile and friendly demeanor, as well as that odd half-suit he insisted made him look cool and strong . If you asked Impulse, he’d say it was silly to tear the sleeves off a suit and arguably unprofessional, but whatever Skizz was doing, it seemed to work, so Impulse didn’t tease him too much. Maybe he should be wearing a silly outfit to work. Maybe it would draw more people in. Skizz would probably get a kick out of that, but Impulse wasn’t sure if he was comfortable enough in his own body to make anything like that work. Impulse drummed his nails against the counter, wishing Skizz was here now.

“Hello there! Are you open?”

Impulse startled out of his daze, jumping to his feet, “Yes, yes we’re open,” he deflated, silently cursing his own awkwardness before sliding back onto his stool. He’d scare off potential customers by spacing out like that, even more so by jumping up whenever someone approached. However, the man didn’t seem to mind, leaning eagerly over the counter to get a better look at the various swords for sale. He was dressed nicer than Impulse was used to seeing in this part of town, with bright, clever eyes, typical of a young man with little life experience. No wonder he was here instead of another stall; he surely had enough coin to afford a higher quality weapon.

Shit, Impulse should be talking, shouldn’t he. Be friendly and all that.

“Are you well?” he tried, putting on his best customer service smile. Skizz always said he had a good smile for this type of thing. Nice face. Relaxed, if not a little strained. Disarming, like a sad, single dad. Impulse wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that last comparison, but Skizz was adamant it was a good thing. ‘Good for business! Ha!’

“Oh, never better!” the man said, leaning further over the counter, “You’ve got some nice stuff here! Very nice, very nice.” He sounded exceedingly fake.

Impulse quirked an eyebrow. “Right, well if you’ve got your eye on anything in particular, I can bring it up for you to hold and see how it feels. If it’s easier, you can come on back instead for a better look. I’d rather you not break the table.”

The man laughed, leaning forward on his hands before jumping back to his feet, “Not the table! Yes, yes, I’d love to get a closer look. See, I’ve just arrived here a couple days ago and I’m looking for a new beginning,” he kept talking as Impulse gestured for him to come back, “Now, this isn’t to say I don’t know my way around a sword, I do, but I’ve gotten bored with life back home, and I’m looking for a place with a little more action, you know?” He poked at one of the blades, jumping a little when he discovered it was sharp.

Impulse chuckled, “Usually people that ‘know their way around a sword’ know that end’s pointy.”

“Well a good swordsman doublechecks! Can I pick this one up?”

“Go for it.” Impulse watched with great amusement as the man attempted to lift his chosen weapon with one hand, an almost affronted look crossing his face when he discovered it was heavy. He glanced back, not unlike a cat caught in the act of doing something it shouldn’t, before doubling down, apparently deciding he could salvage his pride. Impulse had to stop himself from laughing when the man managed to pull the sword from the display, his arm shaking with the effort of holding it one-handed.

“Usually, you’d use both hands. I’m sure you’ve seen lots of show fights, but those guys are actors as well as swordsmen. You’re going to want something lighter if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“I- Well of course! Back home the swords are lighter, that’s all, I just got a bit confused.”

“Uh huh. What’s your name, stranger? Where’re you from?”

“My name? Why, I’m Scar! Scar Goodtimes! I don’t have many scars to show for the name, but with any luck, that’ll change real soon! And you?” Scar held out his hand, struggled for a moment with the sword, then put it hurriedly back on the display before reoffering his hand. Impulse shook it. Clearly this guy was an idiot, but if he had money to offer, who cared?

“You can call me Impulse. So you’re an entertainer then?”

“Not quite! The name is confusing, I know, but unrelated to any profession. Though, I wish it was! I love traveling and I especially love meeting new folks such as yourself!”

“Really? What do you do then?”

“Oh, you know. I’ve got myself a little boat to live in and I’ll occasionally take up cargo shipping for some extra cash, boat people around, the like. Though, I’m looking for something a little different now, and I’m planning to settle here for a while.”

“Interesting,” Impulse mused, eyeing Scar’s nice clothes. That money didn’t come from freelance work, not unless you had a nice reputation, and this kid couldn’t even hold a sword. Scar’s eyes narrowed just slightly, something appraising, with an intelligence that felt unnervingly unlike the person he’d just met. Did he know Impulse didn’t believe him? Impulse suddenly felt vulnerable, like the other man could see right through him. He backed up, just a step, but a step that didn’t go unnoticed. Scar cocked his head, almost innocently. Impulse tried not to frown. What was he looking for? A list of every crime Impulse had committed in the past year shot to the forefront of his mind. Not massive stuff mind you, but enough to make him sweat. Impulse hoped with all his will he didn’t have any counterfeit coins lying around. Was Scar here to scout him out? Catch him in the act?

“Are you a cop?” Impulse blurted, immediately mortified with himself. Scar blinked rapidly before doubling over in a massive laughing fit. Impulse put his hands over his face. “I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry. Unless you are a cop, in which case, cool, great, I love the law.” Scar only laughed harder, Impulse feeling incredibly awkward as he waited for the other man to compose himself. Scar wheezed as he straightened up, eyes shining.

“I am deeply offended, hurt even, you have- I can’t believe it! Cop. I am not a cop!” Scar yelled in mock outrage, although his giggling dampened the effect. Impulse shrunk away as he spotted a couple wandering eyes drawn to the noise.

“aHah yes! Cops! We love cops. And the law. Yes,” Impulse struggled to save face, but Scar either didn’t hear or didn’t care.

“Impulse!” he bellowed, “I’ll say, that is probably the second or third worst thing anyone has ever called me. Why, I should just march right on out of here and back to my boat! Lick my wounds and cry about it! Cop. I can’t believe that.” Impulse shrunk back into his stand, hoping no one would see him. At this point, Scar leaving would probably be best for business, (and not getting arrested) but the man didn’t look like he actually planned on going anywhere.

“Do I even want to ask?” Impulse tried, and Scar lit up.

“Doctor! The worst by far!” Scar threw up his hands, though the facade of his frustration was dampened a little by the smile across his face. ‘Goodtimes’ seemed to suit Scar; he was certainly a performer.

“Doctor. Really.” Impulse didn’t bother to hide his skepticism, crossing his arms, “Wouldn’t be my first guess.”

“Well you don’t have to sound so surprised!” Scar huffed, tutting to himself then continuing in a tangentially related rant. Impulse rubbed the bridge of his nose. No winning with this guy then. Scar was an animated storyteller, waving his arms in sweeping gestures and forcing Impulse to scramble just to keep him from knocking all his wares off the shelves. It was hard to tell if Scar was just clueless, or if he enjoyed watching Impulse fumble around.

“Alright, alright, out with you,” Impulse had to reach to grab Scar’s arms, shoving them to his sides and away from his displays before pushing him out from behind the counter. Scar was not to be discouraged, continuing with the sort of confidence only people who got kicked out of stands often could have.

“-and you wouldn’t believe this lady, I’d say all nice-like ‘sorry, I can’t help you with your dumbass kid,’ and she starts going on and on about how I’ll never be a real doctor and I’m like LADY that’s the GOAL-”

“So you worked in medicine before this? Seems like a good gig, must’ve paid well,” Impulse cut in, struggling between amusement and the desire to preserve any sort of professionalism he had for any potential customers passing by.

To Impulse’s great relief, Scar brought the volume down, resting his elbows on the counter with his head in his hands, “Guess you could say that.” That calculating look returned to Scar’s eyes, searching. For what, Impulse wasn’t quite sure. He turned around, if not to avoid Scar’s eye, then to right some of the smaller displays Scar had knocked askew.

“I’m getting the impression you weren’t too fond of the work.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Well for someone who enjoys the sound of his own voice so much, you don’t seem all too eager to talk about it. What, are you squeamish?” Impulse risked the tease, turning around to see Scar’s amused expression turn to mock-offense.

“Say what you want about my ego, but I am not squeamish.”

“No?”

“No! And that’s gotten me into trouble before, let me tell ya. I didn’t realize blood and gore and things bothered people at all for the longest time, I mean, I grew up around that shit, and my dad certainly wasn’t concerned! Now he’s a doctor, a real stiff kinda man, kinda sucks the life out of everything.”

“So not a ‘Goodtime…s’”

Scar brightened, laughing, “Yeah! Exactly! Anyway, so I was with this girl, right? Lovely person, really, she was great, but oh boy you would not believe how pale she got when I was explaining about this crazy livestock accident- I’ll spare you the details, but I did not spare her anything, and whew, I’ve never had anyone grab my hands so tight. She said- well- she said my name, she said I was a freak! I was like thirteen! I am a changed man, Impulse, changed I tell you. I didn’t see her for a whole month after that, and the whole time I thought she was the freak! Y’know I told my dad, I told him, and you know what he said?”

“Hey, are you going to buy something?”

“ Women . That’s what he said. Women. He didn’t even look at me! I look down at my own tits like okay, this doesn’t answer any of my questions, but hey! Me and her are still friends now, at least, before I left. I’ll visit for sure, for sure.”

“Scar.”

“Yes, Impulse!”

“You are lovely. You are.”

“Yes!”

“But if you’re not going to buy anything, I’m going to need to free up the stand for other customers. I’ve got to put food on the table tonight.”

“Oh yes, yes, a personality this big takes up a lot of space! I understand!” Scar rummaged around in his pockets, then flicked two silver coins onto the counter, “For your time then, yeah?"

“You don’t have t-”

“Goodbye!” Scar trailed the ‘e’ as he swiveled around, skipping in the opposite direction. Impulse couldn’t help but gape after him, any previous words lost on his lips. He looked at the time and cringed, unsure if it was good or bad that so much had passed. At least he wasn’t bored. Well then. He’d have quite the story for Skizz after packing up for the night, that was for sure. Maybe that alone made the loss of time worth it. Impulse resituated on his stool, looking out over the market.

Maybe he’d see Scar again sometime soon.

#hermitcraft #pirates smp #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #impulsesv #skizzleman #boatemghostsau

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wigglebox · 2 years

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Let’s talk Mary’s costuming in The Winchesters’ trailer!

One of the first things I saw pop up specifically was about how Mary looked in this, 1972, in comparison to her 1973 counterpart in SPN prime.

Neither one is out of place, but their styles do seem pretty different. I’m not going to get into why they decided to style her like this as opposed to in SPN prime, but I will say that Mary never seemed to have her own “style.” She’s had vaguely girly things that’s hit trends in the various times we’ve seen her but she’s never felt like she’s had her own “style.” The most we’ve seen her with a style is after she comes back to life and we see her for three seasons in outfits that more or less mimick Dean and Sam. Jacket, over shirt, under shirt, simple hair, minimal make up.

But even then, her style felt more like the boys’ style, and not her own.

Which is why I was so excited to see her costuming in the prequel’s trailer. It felt like they were trying to finally establish her style to us. And with visual storytelling, how you stylize your character just sets the tone and vibe and gives us subtle or not-so-subtle hints at who they are as a character.

When looking at the line up up there ^ I see someone who’s vaguely girly, though the 1980 Mary in Asa Fox -- girl your hair. Help. Who did this to you.

But, 1980 flashback Mary in Asa Fox matched 2019 Mary more in my opinion of someone who doesn’t really care about her appearance and is just wearing someting to wear something. And that’s how I feel 1972 Mary’s styling looks like.

At least in the trailer. Idk what else they’re gonna have her wear.

From her hair, her jacket, the pin buttons, and the necklaces – some people were confused as to why she looks like she walked out of 1997 than 1972, but to me she’s still 1970s (especially because all aspects of 70s fashion from 1970 to 79 have been revisted in subsequent decades of fashion up to this day).

Her look is just not conventional, typical, generalized 1970s. To me they personalized her more to tell us her story.

Note, I’m not a certified fashion historian, but I do like fashion from the ‘60s and ‘70s a lot lol. I may get some things wrong, but this is just what I’m thinking. I know there are fans of this show who likely were even walking and talking at this time and may disagree with what i gotta say but whatever I’m gonna go for it anyway lol.

Also a reminder: this is The CW, not some period drama on HBO Max or anything.

Despite not having expertise in this area, just going off of the numerous vintage fashion video’s I’ve watched on Youtube, there are some things i personally always keep in mind when it comes to studying fashion trends.

Trends do not exist purely within the boundaries of a decade. The early 70s take with it some late-60s fashion trends, particularly the hippie/boho stuff but other things as well like jewelry and some hairstyles. Every decade bled into each other, and with the rise of fast fashion, trends can change even easier. Now, in 2022, you can’t really even pin down a trend because things just move too fast.

Trends didn’t often quickly permeate more isolated, conservative, or poorer areas of the country. The population of Lawrence in 2020 is estimated at just over 97,000. You can imagine it’s smaller for the early ‘70s. But these places didn’t often have people who played into fashion trends be it too expensive, extravagant, or just not having the resources to buy and invest in trends that would flip in a few years anyway.

Let’s start with Prequel-Mary’s hair.

Some said it looked too ‘90s or just not 1970s at all. But it is! Long, straight, sometimes messy-looking hair was indeed a trend for women in this time. It may conjure images of hippies for many, but it was also on other women. For me, Mary not having curls means to me that taking the time to curl and stylize her hair, and going in for trendy haircuts, wasn’t her priority. There are plenty of images, spanning multiple countries, of women at this time not doing anything with their hair, leaving it more natural and not having blowouts or curls. Also, since Carlos evoked the name of Janis Joplin, Mary’s hair also reminded me of her.

Onto Prequel-Mary’s necklaces.

Another thing that made people say she reminded people of the ‘90s were her chokers, but chokers are hardly a ‘90s thing. Indeed if you look closer at her necklaces [which is harder to do in non-HD lol] you’ll see they seem to be made of wooden or shaped shell beads, which was common at the time and a hold-over from the late ‘60s. They aren’t out of the ordinary at all, especially later in the trailer when we see her sporting one with some kind of pendant on it but still with what looks like natural-material beading.

Prequel-Mary’s leather jacket?

This was a little harder for me because the leather jacket combined with the vintage pin buttons felt very punk when the punk fashion movement is usually hard marked at 1974 and beyond. The prequel takes place two years before that, obviously. But, women wearing fitted leather jackets weren’t uncommon, but usually signaled that she was a “bad girl.” To me, just with the quality of the trailer, it indeed looks like a motorcycle jacket or just something simlar. Women in leather jackets became more popular with the rise of the Mod fashion movement in the 1960s.

It’s not a current fashion trend for someone of her age to wear that i think in 1972, but I imagine the costumer designers had their reasoning. Between the hair, and the jacket with the pins, they are establishing Mary as someone who isn’t following typical young women trends and societal expections. Basically, she’s living outside the “norm.” She doesn’t have time to look “cute” or fashionable. Who knows, maybe the jacket has some personal meaning to her.

I’m unsure if this is also influenced by her music taste lol. We don’t know enough about this Mary yet. Though, I do want to know what her pin buttons are really realyl bad lol.

Prequel-Mary’s t-shirt/under shirts.

This isn’t really something anyone complained about, and it’s because there’s nothing to complain. Young women wearing t-shirts and jeans were common throughout the 70s.

This tank top:

This is 1973 but:

The tanktop isn’t out of place at all. There are multiple variations of different kinds of tanktops and a scoop neck tanktop wouldn’t be out of place I think in 1972.

Prequel-Mary’s make up

I’m not going to get too into makeup because it’s harder when you don’t have actual fashion historians doing your costuming and make-up – idk if this show does but again it’s The CW, not a high budget period film. But also, being on TV, especially if they’re going to be shooting this with specialized lenses and the like... just in general, you need more make up I think on an actor.

However if we go off that ^ image above we can make out a peachy kind of blush, pinker lipstick but not overdone, thicker eyebrows, and just some eyeliner with mascara [maybe a little shadow but it’s not intense imo].

Given her jacket, her hair, and her apparent t-shirt and tanktop thing going on, I’m willing to bet she also seems to be the kind of person to put the least amount of time into her makeup. Obviously not every woman can be painted with the same brush -- we all decide on our personal style and if we want to care about trends and all of that, and if we want to follow societal norms, but a trend that followed into the 70s, also due to the women’s liberation movement, was a more natural look.

Compare this Covergirl ad from 1972 to Mary’s look:

It’s not too far off imo. Her lipstick is a little pinker but I don’t think it’s like, out of place.

Mary’s eyebrows I think are what threw a lot of people off because they are darker and thicker. If you look at fashion magazines at the time you’ll see a lot of pencil-thin eyebrows for the most “trendy” but her thicker eyebrows aren’t out of place.

To me (as someone with thicker eyebrows lol) it’s going in theme with her minimal make-up, little hair styling, and shunning of young women’s fashion trends at the time. She doesn’t have time or the need to go to a hair salon, get her hair layered and permed or put in those hot rollers. She doesn’t have time to go and get her eyebrows waxed or spend time in front of the mirror to do it herself.

She feels androgynous in a sense. A little more masculine than our 1973 Mary who wore embroidered cowgirl shirts and sported shorter, more styled hair.

I’m unsure if they’ll change Mary’s appearance once they hit 1973 in the show. I don’t even know when they want to hit 1973 in the show.

If anything, what i’m gathering from little comments from jackles he’s made regarding this show, it sounds like it won’t be told in a way we’re expecting so who knows what’s going to happen tbh.

But regardless, I love this Mary’s styling. I can’t wait to see what else they put her in!

#long post #spnwin #if anyone has any other thoughts pls jump in #i'm not an expert #just sharing observations #i also wanna just do everyone else lol

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faenemy · 7 months

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Another Sillie had been added :D

process thoughts below cut- (WARNING- they long lol)

Has this barely changed from the wip I posted earlier????

not really but i need to talk about character design for I am FERAL so L moment i guess

SO my personal favorite brand of character design has been, for as long as i remember, drawing more complex designs from simplified mediums. Think Minecraft or roblox skins, and some chibi avatars. Hand me something that is blurry and up to interpretation and i will simply go buck-wild. Mark is of course the only character to truly appear on camera. We see both his drawing of himself and his [puppet?] form. Now you only ever see donovan and cupcake monster as drawings, which leaves their appearance more up to interpretation.

When i first translated Marks design, i tried to stay as accurate as possible. The second iteration is more of my own twist on it, elongating the body, trimming down the fluff for a clearer shape,and adjusting facial proportions slightly. Note: this isn't to throw shade at marks original design. He's a puppet irl and he looks like one, i just suck at making puppets look like they have any life behind their eyes, so design tweaks it is. Mark is adorable and its a me problem that i struggle to recreate that.

Now my Mark design is obviously based off of the puppet, (his actual self,) as opposed to the way Mark draws himself. In the drawing, there is a bit less fluff on his body, compared to the real thing. This is important as it affects some of the decisions I made for Donovan.

Donovan caused a few hurdles when i tried to work on a design for him. First, I'm working with very little information, so creative license time. Since I don't have much to go off of, I started with a real simple drawing, similar to the one from the drawing in the show, just to try and capture the vibe. The most notable things about Donovan from this first doodle, was that he had a slightly smaller nose than Mark and that it was triangular and that his eyes were slanted. This gives me two prominent facial features to work with.

Following this, i started on a more detailed design. I began by plotting his proportions out similar to marks. To make him more cat like, I tried to make him a little taller and thinner[better for slipping out of cages], so that he had an elongated appearance, and to capture that sly you-cant-contain-me- cat energy that meow meows have. I wasn't sure how cat i wanted to go originally, but then i gave him paws....

I went full anthro cat on Donovan, adding in whiskers and a tail [still questioning that decision] even though they weren't present in my reference. Now is a good time to note that all these designs are pre-Billy, so no scars or anything. I bring this up because I gave Donovan claws, and I image Billy would have at least tried to declaw Donovan.

The next problem came with Donovans eye. So Donovans eyes are two slanted lines, very simple. Since these are one of Donovans few unique canon features, I wanted to keep them. I wasn't sure how to keep them simple yet still allow emotion. Playing around with this idea, i felt i could effectively convey emotion just by changing the relative direction of the eyes. However, I changed the eyes to be more tear-drop shape as well, partially to add more interest to the face, but also so i could add more detail to the iris of the eye if desired.

Finally, all my Mark and Friends designs have the characters wearing clothes, because I work at a clothing store and see too many damn clothes every day. [everything i know about fashion is against my own will] So since this canonically takes place in 1997, my designs are based roughly off of children's clothes at the time. For the monsters clothes, I want them to all have a somewhat fun shape, flare outs, wrinkles, cuffed sleeves and pants etc.

This is where i really struggled. Not so much with the actual design of the clothes, but with colors. As you can probably tell my this illustration as compared to the reference image, I am allergic to bright colors [they hurt my eyes :,(] So i shifted most characters to a more muted/pastel pallette. Now i really wanted each of the three friends, Mark, Donovan, and Cupcake Monster, to have the others "colors" per see, present in their outfits. Mark is obviously Green coded (lol), Donovan is orang, but outlined in red, so my boy gets a red association cause primaries of light. This leaves Cupcake Monster with Blue, the color they are outlined in.

I really wanted three designs to flow together, and though i haven't finished Cupcake Monster yet, I think the first two go nicely together. By giving each character a main color, I let them stand out from each other, but by adding bits of those colors back into the others outfits, it lets them flow together better in group images and keeps anyone character's pallette from feeling out of place.

Marks outfit is mostly cream, but with accents of Blue, and Red. Donovan's is about 1/3 cream 1/3 blue and a 1/3 blue. I struggled with the color distribution on donovan, as the reddish orange and blueish green i had chosen contrasted a lot more than i wanted. The light blue and cream worked as a nice base though, and making only the stripes green [the shirt is specifically cream with green stripes] it lets the green not overpower Donovan, which was another problem I was facing.

But yeah, this are my current designs for the sillies, if you read all this thank you! have some pie :]

#fae draws #fae rambles #mark and friends #my art

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overanalysingfandoms · 1 year

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More Scarian/Third Life Robin Hood AU

I've figured out the Royal Court

Let's start with the most obvious,

King Mumbo

He's currently the King of the Kingdom (I haven't named it yet, suggestions are welcome)

He's away at war

He's Ren's older brother and Grian's cousin

He's a good king, if a bit bumbling sometimes, and is loved by his people

He left Ren in charge until he gets back

He's Aroace so won't produce an heir making Ren the next in line

Speaking of Ren...

Prince Ren/The Red King

Ren is next in line to the throne and will get it when Mumbo dies

He is Mumbo's younger brother and Grian's cousin

He is in charge while Mumbo is away

He is a bit of a tyrant who always thinks he's right and wants everything done his way

He absolutely despises Good Times and wants him arrested as quick as possible

He is very protective of his family and friends

He lives in Dogwarts Castle

Ren calls himself the 'Red King' to show his authority until Mumbo is back, his court has been unaffectionately nicknamed the 'Red Army' because of this, Ren just rolled with it

The Resistance is hoping to either reform him or have him give up his claim to the throne

Ren is dating his closest advisor Martyn

Martyn/The King's Hand

Martyn is partners with Prince Ren

He is also his closest adviser and has been given the title of the 'King's Hand'

Ren also made him the Sherriff of Crastle village, the small town just outside Dogwarts Castle and he is in charge of catching Good Times

Martyn is extremely protective of his partner Ren and doesn't fully trust anyone else

He's very suspicious, especially of Grian as he sees the way he has interacted with Good Times and is unfortunately very insightful, this is a great source of worry for Scar

Prince Grian

Grian is cousins with the King and Prince, Mumbo and Ren

He is third in line for the throne which is what earns him the title of 'Prince'

It also means that Ren has him near constantly surrounded with guards because he will be king if anything happens to Ren which makes him cautious about Grian

Grian fully resents this and is trying to give his very tired guards the slip at all times, he actually has a lower number of guards than he used to thanks to the amount he's made to resign due to being an absolute menace

He is against Ren's ideas and jumps at the chance to help the Resistance and he definitely isn't even the tiniest bit influenced by how extremely attractive Good Times is, no, not at all, he has no idea what you're talking about

Grian is on Ren's council and pretends to support him, only pushing back slightly and rarely outright opposing him

He acts as a spy for the resistance, giving them as much information as he can and doing his best to help if any of them get caught along with his two ladies in waiting, Pearl (who he grew up with, they're like siblings) and Lizzie (a noble woman and 'ex-fiancé' of Joel, an old friend of his who defected from the Red Army and joined the Resistance)

He is head over heals for Scar and won't admit is despite being constantly teased about it

Grian is childhood friends with Pearl, Joel and Jimmy

He is also trans and everyone supports him, no misgendering in my AUs

He is still almost always wearing a skirt, he just likes them and trans Grian in a skirt is just so perfect lol

Pearl and Lizzie

Both of them are Prince Grian's ladies in waiting

Pearl and Grian grew up together and are practically siblings, they live eachother and are very protective of the other

Lizzie is the 'ex-fiancé' of Joel, a lord who betrayed the Red Army and joined the Resistance, in reality they are still together but Lizzie has to pretend to have broken off the engagement in order to stay in the Royal Court

Both of them work alongside Grian to spy for the Resistance and help them out wherever they can

Impulse

Impulse is the castle craftsman/blacksmith, he basically makes all of their weapons

While he is fairly loyal to Ren, but is more loyal to the villagers and will put them before Ren if it comes to it

He sometimes creates weapons for the villagers and if he knows that some of those might go to the Resistance? That's no-one's business but his

He is on Ren's Council due to his skills in weaponry

Impulse is best friends for Bdubs, when he was just starting out as a craftsman he made them matching clocks

Etho

Etho is the Head of Ren's guard

He is known for being silent but extremely intelligent and deadly when he needs to be, he doesn't often say much at council meetings but when he does it's always with good insight

He is the most loyal to Ren aside from Martyn

He is childhood friends with Bdubs, Skizz and Tango

Etho is married to a villiager from Crastle named Bdubs and, though they live separately, it's a very happy marriage

Skizz

Skizz is one of Ren's closest guards

He is fiercely loyal and will protect the king at all costs which is what has led him to being on Ren's Council

He absolutely loathes Good Times and will often take lead in trying to take him down, especially if Martyn is busy

Skizz is determined and will follow orders at all costs

He will run to Ren's side to protect him at any sign of danger, he is almost like a bodyguard to him but not quite

He's very jovial around friends but brutal with his enemies

Skizz is childhood friends with Bdubs Etho and Tango

BigB

BigB is a particularly wise noble staying at Dogwarts who is loyal to Ren's cause

He will often give good advice to Ren and is one of his most valued advisers because of this

He gets on well with Prince Grian and will often agree with him on not acting too hastily and trying to protect the villagers in plans to take down Good Times

He doesn't agree with the Resistance but sometimes think they have a point, however, he is very against how they get it across

BigB gets on well with Prince Grian but is unaware that he is a spy

So, there you have it, the Royal family and the King's Court

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creativegenius22 · 2 years

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Wild Kratts Theory: Zach’s Obsession with Being Rich and Famous

Besides wanting to be acclaimed as the world’s best and smartest inventor, Zach Varmitech has an obsession with becoming rich and famous, or richer and more famous in his case, by any means possible. From creating his own arctic ice hotel to farming every vegetable and fish in the sea to sell, this man will attempt anything to further his quest for power and status. But I’ve often wondered why Zach has such a large void he needs to fill. Thus, I have my own theory as to why the inventor always feels he needs more in his life.

First off, I believe that Zach was quite poor as a child. From his appearance in the flashback in “Tazzy Chris”, Zach appears to be slightly unkempt, wearing baggy clothes and having his hair not as neat as his usual adult look. His loose clothes as opposed to the young Kratt brothers’ more fitting clothing leads me to believe that his clothes were second hand or hand-me-downs that were meant for him to grow into, meaning there was not enough money for his family to keep buying him new clothes as he grew. You can see this is quite the opposite of how his keeps himself as an adult, making sure his clothes are form fitting and his hair is perfectly styled with everything in its place. He wants to be in total control, as opposed to the chaos of his childhood.

Also, quick side note, the robot he made as a child appears to be made of random junk that he could have found around town very Louis from “Meet The Robinsons” style, something that a young boy with no excess money would have to do if he wanted to make robots.

Looking back on this scene as well, I noticed that the flashback is set up showing the Kratt brothers picking on Zach, almost in a bullying way. Their stance towards the young inventor is pretty threatening, and although I know that they’re going after him because they’re trying to protect the frogs, the way it’s portrayed in the scene shows Zach as a victim. From the way we see Zach’s sad expression and sniffle after the flashback, you can tell that this was a regular thing that happened during his childhood that has left him with permanent trauma. Perhaps it wasn’t even just his conflict with the Kratt brothers, but other kids in his neighbourhood who would pick on him because of his family’s financial situation.

Speaking of Zach’s family, it appears to be only his mother in the picture. Zach has mentioned his mother before in the show, but has never once mentioned his father. My opinion is that it was only Zach’s mother who raised him, leaving him no father figure to look up to or rely on. Instead, he had to be the man of the house and slowly grew into the man of complete power and control he believed he should be.

As well, I’d like to mention that Zach has constantly been upstaged by Aviva for most of his life. They met as kids in a summer science camp, where Aviva’s inventions were constantly seen as better than his own. This is mentioned in “Cheetah Racer” when Aviva points out that at science camp her potato clock kept time better than Zach’s mouldy bread clock (I personally think it’s amazing as well as very out of the box thinking that he got a clock working from bread mould even if it didn’t keep time as well as a generic potato clock). Being repeatedly pushed to the sidelines by his rival would definitely make the inventor want to seek fame, as much as he could to prove that he is better and more important than Aviva.

In conclusion, I believe that Zach’s endless quest for money and fame stems back to his childhood. His need for wealth comes from him being a child of poverty. He wants to make sure that he’ll never be poor again, which has led to his obsession with being excessively rich. And his desire for fame and attention comes from his need to prove his worth to everyone who ever doubted him as a child, be that those kids who teased him or his main rival, Aviva Corcovado.

Anyways, just my thoughts about Zach and why he has such a big hole in his life to fill. I just wanna give him a giant panda bear hug and tell him everything is gonna be alright. Poor Zach has been teased so much in his life for his shortcomings and he deserves some love! Let me know what you guys think of this as well!

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markantonys · 2 years

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path of daggers chapter 7-20

perrin seeing a woman who looks exactly like an older version of elayne getting all huffy about andor and the lion throne: huh, wonder who she could be

for real, if perrin had hung out with his best friend’s girlfriend one (1) time in tear he totally would’ve heard the name lini, or if he’d hung out more with mat and asked about his trip to the palace he would’ve heard the name tallanvor (pretty dumb of morgase’s party to not ALL go by fake names just in case), and he would right now know exactly what’s what. talking to your friends saves lives, people! this also goes to show how cut off perrin is from the other characters - rand, mat, egwene, or nynaeve would’ve either recognized morgase on sight or would’ve quickly pieced it together from having heard elayne talk about her mom and lini.

i’m hankering sooooo bad for a trakand family reunion now that they’ve all gone down/been forced down such different paths. the 3 kids especially - 1 being a whitecloak, 1 a tower aes sedai ally, and 1 a rebel aes sedai means they’re all 3 on opposing sides of each other, and i really want to see that dug into beyond the brief elayne and galad encounter in book 5. i’m dyyyyying for elayne and gawyn in particular to cross paths again, it would hurt like a BITCH and boy do i want that pain (although, poor gawyn, elayne is his raison d’etre in his pov and in her pov elayne NEVER thinks about him lmao). give me my Siblings Torn Apart By War angst!

i am probably the only person in the entire history of the world to read wheel of time and think “you know what this needs? MORE gawyn.” i just think he’s neat.

tallanvor is so annoying to me and i don’t know why. i just can’t stand him for some reason. genuinely think it might be a lingering grudge from that one time 5 books ago when he scolded mat for putting a flower in his hair. anyone who denies my boys the opportunity to wear flowers in their hair is my enemy for life (looking at you, green man).

me, knowing full well that mat is not in this book and is nowhere near ghealdan, reading that perrin sees a man in a broad-brimmed hat approaching: [beyonce meme voice] MAT???

but it turns out to be elyas. also pretty dope, i will admit! i’ve been wondering if we’d ever see him again. whoa i 100% forgot he used to be a warder.

we learn for the first time that the warder bond can be masked and that this is handy for sex. perrin is shook to realize that aes sedai fuck sometimes jfkgh

“i love her! why would i shout at her?” aww perrin ❤️ this is the most reasonable thing any wheel of time character has ever said on the subject of romantic relationships lmao also, elyas is the king of showing up out of the blue and infodumping key knowledge to help out perrin’s life, first with the wolf stuff and now with saldaean culture (although i thought perrin already figured this out from meeting faile’s parents so i’m not sure why he’s still like “wait, faile wants me to lose my temper sometimes????”)

tangent but i’ve seen many people annoyed that elyas was pushed to s2, arguing that it delayed perrin’s storyline, but i disagree. in the book it was SO RANDOM how this wolf guy just showed up and was like “hey kid you can talk to wolves” before perrin had even noticed anything on his own. i much prefer the show’s approach of perrin figuring it out a little by himself in s1 and then getting a proper mentor in s2 (at least according to casting speculation). and say what you will about laila and all that, but it 100% gave perrin a real and scary reason to be afraid of violence and his own strength, as opposed to book perrin who’s just like “i’m Very Big and that could cause problems if i’m not careful.”

faile telling perrin under her breath what to say so that he’ll look smart in front of alliandre hjkfg girlboss/malewife rights! they really are such a wonderful ship at their best, it’s a shame their worst is so bad.

alliandre going “wow perrin is so good at daes dae’mar” when perrin was actually spending the entire conversation thinking “oh my god i have no idea what’s going on faile help” this is such tgh rand energy i love it

“if not for perrin, faile thought she might actually have liked [berelain]” god i want that.............what is the POINT of this love triangle which 2 of 3 parties don’t want to be involved in! why can’t berelain and faile just become friends!

constantly annoyed by how the Bad Aiel Women (sevanna & co) all Wear Too Much Jewelry and Expose Too Much Bosom and Care Too Much About Silks, and how this is brought up every 5 sentences during every single scene they’re in

“[cadsuane] had not met many people she considered formidable, but sorilea was one. perhaps even a match for herself, in some ways.” game recognizes game! if only lini could be here to complete the trio

“strong endures; hard shatters.” “[rand] confuses them. he needs to be strong, and makes himself harder. too hard, already, and he will not stop until he is stopped. he has forgotten how to laugh except in bitterness; there are no tears left in him.” 😭😭😭😭 baby boy............

“the storm was coming? light, [rand] was the storm!” SEXY!!!! as always, rand pulling rank and yelling at people and ordering them around is 🥵

i yearn for soft rand. i’m wildly into hard rand. i contain multitudes.

literally sobbing over rand being close-ish to ebou dar and knowing that the seanchan have taken it over. go stop them! go rescue mat! be his knight in shining armor!

rand sits on a table, Rand Bisexual Sitting counter +1. man i can’t wait to watch josha’s rand sprawling about in chairs wearing fancy silk coats. and pulling rank and yelling at people. that’s gonna Awaken something in me.

nice to catch up a bit with the black tower, if by letter instead of in person. kinda wish rand had spent more time there so we could’ve seen more of what the training is like. we learn that a lot of them are either dying in training or are slipped poison in their wine after showing signs of madness 💔

rand hears about the damage done by elayne’s unweaving, though he doesn’t know the cause. UGH (avi)matrandlayne are all SO CLOSE to each other and yet so far! it hurts!!! fuck you, pattern! weave them back together right now!

“not a mild tone - [rand] could not manage that - yet heartening, he hoped.” 😭 “you’ll be with me to the last battle. i promise it.” i’ll admit i accidentally saw the fate of the character he’s addressing (if i’m remembering the name right) while flipping to the end to see how many pages the book was, but even if i hadn’t that’s a Character Death Toll if ever i saw one lmao

“rand had not realized he had spoken any of his thoughts aloud.” this happens SO MUCH in these books and i go crazy every time. no one does that in real life! in all my 25 years on this earth i have never once had a train of thought, heard someone respond to it, and went “oh gee i didn’t realize i’ve actually been talking out loud this entire time.” agh! i guess rand maybe gets a pass for potential madness reasons, but for all other characters this happens to there’s no excuse!

egwene’s dream: “rand wearing different masks, until suddenly one of those false faces was no longer a mask, but him.” 🗡️💔

“recently all of her dreams about mat were pale and full of pain, like shadows cast by nightmares, almost as though mat himself were not quite real. that made her afraid for him, left behind in ebou dar, and gave her agonies of grief for sending him there” mat my baby 😭😭😭 mat and egwene’s friendship is so good, there really is so much love there. and nynaeve too with her grief about leaving mat behind earlier. kinda makes me laugh how mat is way more besties with egwene and nynaeve than with his alleged Actual Bestie perrin, who has not thought about him for several books and vice versa.

hilarious how everyone was so upset about the hot weather but now that winter’s back they’re like “no actually this sucks.” mat didn’t have his life ruined in ebou dar for this! show some gratitude you bastards!

egwene’s like “we gotta get rid of the three oaths, i love lying” lmao bless her. interesting debate with egwene pointing out rightly that the oaths will put them at a severe disadvantage against the seanchan and that being able to lie has helped her and siuan immensely vs. siuan pointing out rightly that the oaths are the only thing that keeps aes sedai in check and gives the general public any trust in them.

“where was gawyn? was he well? was he warm?” egwene being extremely relatable! (to nobody but me)

the Year of the Four Amyrlins! my inner roman history nerd is delighted

talmanes and other band members have Felt that mat needs them, a tugging south towards him, whoa! i think this is the first instance of a non-rand ta’veren pull. now if only mat would pull rand and elayne to him............

egwene smacks down the hall and makes them declare official war on elaida. YES so satisfying to see egwene showing them how steely she is after all this time of pretending to be weak and easily manipulated!

elayne rides mandarb with aviendha behind her, arms around her waist 🥰 interesting that elayne is sharing a horse with aviendha instead of with her warder (who’s sharing with nynaeve) 👀 i’m going to continue my Wingman Birgitte vision and say that this was birgitte’s idea as a matchmaking attempt.

“she and aviendha combed and brushed one another’s hair - a nightly ritual for near-sisters” your daily reminder that the maidens also told rand that his brushing aviendha’s hair would be considered an intimate romantic gesture “and then they snuggled tiredly into the canopied bed in a small room.” BEDSHARING!!!!! 📣📣📣 BEDSHARING BEDSHARING oh wait nynaeve and birgitte are also sharing that single bed with them. but still, BEDSHARING! man remember the cauthor bedsharing days of eotw? i miss it.

elayne complains about nynaeve’s elbows while sleeping and says that “birgitte flatly refused to change places, and [elayne] could not ask aviendha to endure the woman’s sharp prodding” not even Asking your gf to put up with your friend’s sleep-elbowing, THAT is true love! and i bet part of the reason why elayne doesn’t ask is bc she knows aviendha would trade places without hesitation, THAT is ALSO true love!

“with nynaeve and [elayne] and the other sisters at the head [of the riding party]. and aviendha, of course.” aviendha is just a given in elayne’s mind now 🥰

while traveling through the andoran countryside, in addition to getting info about how much support house trakand has, elayne also wants to learn what the common people’s biggest concerns are 🥰

WHAT on EARTH did elayne DO with that dildo smooth rod ter’angreal that made her wake up in her shift the next morning with everybody amused but refusing to tell her what happened????? give me your theories STAT i must know lmao

we are now 2/3 through the book and nothing’s really happened aside from the bowl being used, avilayne’s exciting escape from the seanchan, and egwene’s war declaration. it hasn’t been boring (aside from some stretches of perrin’s and egwene’s sections) but........nothing..............has happened.

#wot #wot book spoilers

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lgcjinyoung · 11 months

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「 personal youtube channel ⇛ behind the scenes of spring boys 」

the camera is shaky when the image first comes into view. “hello? hello gym rats,” he greets his viewers in a quiet voice, eye smile in place. “I can’t be too loud right now because there is a recording going on next door,” he explains with a glance off to his left before his eyes find the lens again.

“for today’s video i’ll show you around the backstage of spring boys a little bit. it’s not too much different from what you usually see in promotion videos from the idol groups of legacy but i hope you’ll be interested in my point of view on this journey,” he narrates with a happy smile before the video cuts to the next section where he himself gets set up in the studio, ready to record his lines. “ah-ah I’m a little nervous... I’ve never really done this before,” he admits, hoping the experience will help him with recording for the collaboration he’d been personally picked to feature in.

his deep, raspy voice singing acapella into the mic with just muffled noise of the instrumental being heard, jinyoung does his best to follow the instructions of the producer and record his lines accordingly.

considering he doesn’t have the most amount of time to actually show more of the backstage things going on, the video is quick to move on to the next section as jinyoung motions that they’re done recording, blending to another day where he’s dressed in a school uniform to match the theme of the fimling.

“today we’re actually doing some filming for the first episode. it feels weird to be back in a school uniform,” he informs his viewers, holding the camera further away from himself to let everyone see his outfit. “but i kind of like the cuts of this one.” never one to being complete opposed to wearing uniform despite going to middle school in canada with no need for uniforms, he smiles as his gaze drifts off lens, his head tilting down quickly into a polite bow when one of the versus members he doesn’t know well walks past him.

“there was a sunbaenim,” he whispers as if it were a secret, moving away from the scene a bit to not be overheard by anyone on set. “at least I won’t have to call wookjinnie sunbaenim,” he teases before extending his tongue forward a smile soon following. he proceeds to show some of the set, narrating their schedule to his viewers and showing a small sequence of MV recording before it’s already time to end the video.

still clad in his clothes from the mv shoot he leans back against a wall, camera in one hand and fan in the other, letting it whir away while talking about his experience. “the life of an idol is definitely a lot more hectic if it’s anything like what we’re doing. it’s a nice experience to make - I really quite enjoy it! I hope you liked the small insight into our schedule and look forward to everything we’re going to release for lgc spring boys. until next time gym rats, stay healthy!”

#solo: snapshot;#lgc:personalchannel #yt: muljjingi's gym

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night-is-a-feeling · 3 years

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working on reclaiming my body

#before i even begin i want to preface this by saying i know this isn’t that big of deal.#and may even seem ridiculous to some of you but it’s just something i’ve been confronting lately.#and this is my safe space to talk.#body image cw #i have for most of my life been opposed to wearing anything that showed off my décolletage area.#this isn’t because i dislike that area of my body. in fact it’s one of my favourite parts of my body.#i feel joy when i adorn that area of me with jewelry or interesting high neck tops.#and i waltz around my home happily wearing lower tops that allow that part of me to breathe.#but when i step outside i never allow that part of me to shine.#because i am always cautious of how i allow men and the patriarchy to perceive me.#because i don’t want to allow them access to any part of me without my consent.#the male gaze takes so much from us. and this was my tiny way of not allowing them to steal my body from me.#but the reality is my body has already been stolen. regardless of how i dress myself.#regardless of what parts of my body i allow to be accessed. it will still be perceived.#so i wore this shirt around my house all day yesterday. and i felt incredible.#and then i wore it to the grocery store. and took back the reins of my body.#it’s a small thing.#but it’s something that helped me remind myself that even if the male gaze lingers. it doesn’t mean my body is less my own.#so anyways what are you reclaiming from the patriarchy today?#my face #me

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monocaelia · 3 years

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tending to their wounds

they cannot evade death. but with you around, they're invincible.

feat. albedo, childe, diluc, kaeya, kazuha, xiao

genre : headcanons, fluff, angst [for xiao and kazuha], hurt/comfort

warnings : blood and injury. death mention. minor cursing.

❀ albedo

it's to no one's surprise that albedo isn't human, meaning he doesn't have the same bodily functions as the others in mondstadt do. his body cannot bleed nor can he feel much pain. that's not to say he can't at all, but a simple prick from a piece of shattered flask can't really do the young alchemist any harm.

flasks breaking or nicking himself while conducting his own research never really phased the alchemist. despite the warnings his assistant gave him about laboratory safety, he didn't need to heed them if the injuries didn't apply to him, did he?

it's safe to say that the chief alchemist is... perplexed to say the least at seeing you worry over him. he wasn't expecting you to come rushing through his laboratory door when you heard the sound of falling glass and nearly climbed over all of his equipment to come to his aid.

"really, you shouldn't have to worry," his gentle voice reassures you, but his attempts to calm you down are futile. instead, albedo is met with your furrowed brows in concentration and your fingers brushing against his as you inspect his invisible wounds.

"yeah well, maybe if you were more careful in your laboratory i wouldn't be here worrying over you, would i?" albedo sighs at your response and decides to let you do as you please to his 'injuries.'

the alchemist's teal eyes follow your movements as you reach for the bandages in the first aid kit and begin to wrap them around his finger tips. he doesn't miss the way your tongue pokes out from between your lips as you concentrate on the task in front of you.

despite not needing to worry much about him, albedo finds it endearing that you care so much about his wellbeing. how much you care about him, how often you check up on him and make sure he never overworks himself. you truly are a caring individual, a ray of warm sunshine in his life.

you meet albedo's gaze when your name leaves his lips, eyes filled with curiosity at what he could possibly want.

"thank you for tending to me." he thanks you with tender smile on his face, his spare hand gently ruffling your hair. the flustered expression on your face is hard to miss, especially when you quickly duck your head down and away from the alchemist.

you stutter out that 'this is nothing!' and continue on wrapping albedo's faux injuries. though, the alchemist finds the way your hands shake as they brush against his skin adorable.

❀ childe

childe is a war criminal, in case you missed it. it's not uncommon to find the young man fighting an entire hoard of enemies by himself. the thrill of battle never seems to be enough for him, as he constantly seeks anything that could satiate his need for exhilaration.

finding scars or fresh injuries on the harbinger is the usual for you, regardless of whether or not they're shallow wounds or deep gashes that gush blood and stain your poor floor. not that childe minds anyways, he sees his battle scars as medals of the many fights he has won and wears them with pride.

but, despite being one of the fatui harbingers and an absolute beast on the battlefield, that doesn't stop you from worrying about his wellbeing.

your brows furrow in concern at the sight of childe in front of you; body worn from using his foul legacy form one too many times in succession and injuries sustained from his earlier fight. he shouldn't have protected you, really you could have protected yourself. and yet...

"you're going to ruin yourself if you keep going into your other form all the time, you know." childe laughs weakly at your lecturing; that's all he can do right now anyways. you catch your lip in between your teeth as you rub a cooling ointment on the harbinger's body. "this isn't funny. you can't just die. then no one would be the eleventh harbinger and you-"

"i would leave you alone?" childe smiles when you send him a glare. his rough hand finds yours, squeezing it lightly in reassurance. there's not a chance in the world that he would succumb to death just yet. childe is still young, and there are many others that he hasn't had the pleasure of fighting against.

and he sure as abyss can’t pass away without saying how he truly feels about you.

you grumble to the snezhnayan that you could've handled it all alone, that you didn't need him to go all berserk on the ruin guards that had surrounded you earlier. instead, childe laughs and places a weak hand on your forearm. "i know, but that was the perfect time to show you just how well i can fight. maybe then, you'll finally accept my feelings."

a white lie, really. even though childe knows that you could've handled it yourself, he acted on instinct back then. the thought of you being harmed in any way sends a chill down the harbinger's spine. he wouldn't forgive himself if he reacted a second too late and you ended up hurt as a consequence.

what's the point of harboring the power of the abyss if he couldn't protect the ones he loved.

you roll your eyes at his answer, choosing to quietly resume cleaning up childe's wounds in hopes that he doesn't say anything more embarrassing. as your fingers brush against the snezhnayan's freckled skin, you don't miss the way he leans towards your touch and the happy hum rumbling from his chest.

❀ diluc

the darknight hero is not one to lose his battles, let alone allow any of his enemies lay a finger on him. trained by the knights and his own father, diluc's fighting style is difficult to intercept and finding a weak spot in his defense is futile. even if his sword is too slow, his fists will be glad to meet those that oppose him.

that isn't to say he doesn't get hurt every now and then. you've caught him with bandages wrapped around his hand, blood soaked gauze around his torso. as long as the job was done, diluc didn't mind the wounds he received in battle.

he isn't used to others tending to his wounds, as nobody really knows he's the darknight hero and protects mondstadt in the middle of the night. so when you catch him in the act of cleaning his wounds and offer to help, he kind of freezes up.

diluc wants to decline your offer, sure that he could finish this up by himself. and besides, he doesn't want to burden you with his consequences so late at night. but he knows you would keep bugging him and complain later that he didn't "love you" or whatever dramatic act you'd be committing in the near future.

it's hard to look at you when you're so close to the red haired vigilante. granted, diluc has always been pretty close with you, seeing as the two of you grew up together and shared most of your memories with one another (and kaeya).

but being physically close to you... is another story. your fingers lightly touching his skin, your face so close to his as you inspect other wounds on his body, your hands roaming the expanse of his chest to remove his shirt in case it hid any other injuries you could have missed.

diluc's hands twitch when you inch even closer to him. if he wanted to, it would take one swift movement to have his lips on yours. one swift movement to hold you in his arms and feel the way your skin melts into his.

but the vigilante has self-control and would rather die than make you uncomfortable.

diluc releases a shaky breath when you finally move away from his body, though it's only a brief moment of respite since you immediately move back into your previous position after grabbing more bandages. absolutely perfect for the poor vigilante.

he clears his throat when your hands slide down his arms to reassure the pressure is enough to keep his wounds from reopening and bleeding out. it is then that you realize what you've been doing to the poor red haired man and how close you've been to him and his body.

"oh? what could you possibly be thinking about, mr. ragnvindr?" you tease, raising an eyebrow and sending diluc a playful smile. you fail to suppress your laughter when he scrunches up his face and turns his face away from you, his ears burning a wonderful shade of bright pink.

"i think it's time for you to leave." shocked, you try and apologize and get him to let you stay a little bit more. the night is still young, and he still has more injuries to be looked at! but diluc pays you no mind.

not like he'd have the heart to actually kick you out of his room anyways.

❀ kaeya

the captain of the calvary isn't one to fight, always looking for people to do his dirty work so he doesn't have to. why bother exerting more energy than you already have when you can make others do it for you? it's more fun that way, anyways.

that doesn't mean kaeya is incapable of fighting. if needed to, the blue haired captain would gladly point his sword at the enemy to keep them at bay or spar a fellow knight. scratches and shallow scrapes are what you mostly see from him.

you aren't expecting to be called into the knights of favonius headquarters and be greeted by the calvary captain battered up and bruised in the infirmary.

"you're squeezing me too hard," kaeya comments nonchalantly, as if he isn't bleeding to death on the bed right now. "you'll cut off circulation in my arm if you keep doing that." you shoot him a glare, but the blue haired captain only laughs at you. you tighten the bandage on his arm.

you refuse to get tangled up in anymore of kaeya's antics. it's all his fault you've aged ten years because of him and his stupid actions and refusing to ask for help despite the mission being bigger than anyone could handle. alone at least. it's not like you don't trust him, but a little extra help isn't bad to have.

your frown deepens when your eyes flit up to stare at the blood soaked shirt covering kaeya's chest. you order him to take it off so you can inspect his injury, which was a mistake on your part.

"oh? shouldn't you ask me on a date first before being this forward?" kaeya's laughter rings around the infirmary seeing your deadpan expression at his joke. maybe you should just leave, just leave this stupid man to bleed to death on this infirmary bed. maybe then you would finally be at peace.

"well. maybe i would have asked you on a date if you weren't so stupid to take this dumb mission alone. you could have died, asshole." kaeya only hums in response, which pisses you off even more. it's like he didn't have a care in the world.

in the midst of your grumblings and cleaning of kaeya's wounds, you miss the tender look he gives you; warm and gentle. the captain finds it nice to have someone care for someone like him after so long.

it wasn’t his fault he wanted to do this alone. well, it was, but it’s hard for kaeya to rely on others and be vulnerable to those around him despite how long he’s known them. his walls are built high, refusing to let anybody in in case he accidentally hurts them in the future.

he wonders if you'd miss him if he disappeared one day, but the way your brows furrow in concern at seeing how bad the gash in his chest confirms his answer.

kaeya’s endearing, warm smile is replaced with the usual smug smirk when you look up to meet his gaze. one day, he hopes he’ll be able to let his walls down around you.

"you know, you're really cute when you worry over me. maybe i should get injured more often." the look of shock at kaeya's comment is evident on your flustered face and it takes everything in him to not laugh and open up his wounds again.

❀ kazuha

kazuha isn't one to easily get injured, well at least seriously injured. he was raised by a prestigious family, trained in the arts of the kaedehara clan. with the help of his prior knowledge of fighting and his keen senses, it's hard to one-up the young man to the point of injury.

that isn't to say he has never sustained any injuries. there have been one too many times that the inazuman traveller has shown up at your door with a couple of scrapes and an apologetic smile on his face.

so, it's a surprise when you find kazuha at your doorstep severely injured and clutching something in his burned hand.

it's quiet between the two of you as your eyes scan kazuha's body for any more injuries and your hands quickly move to tend to his right hand. the skin is burnt, bleeding, and his fingers shake from the injuries it sustained.

you whisper an apology to the inazuman when you gently clean the wounded skin with a warm cloth. he doesn't flinch, dazed eyes still staring off in front of you. it makes you wonder what kazuha went through to be injured this badly. though, seeing as the only serious injury was his right hand, you assumed it wasn't from a fight.

"kazuha... what happened to you?" your words are gentle, afraid your voice would scare the inazuman traveller in front of you. kazuha doesn't respond and instead tightens the grip he has on your hand that's bandaging him. his hand is shaking, and you don't realize he's crying until you feel the wet teardrops on your skin.

ruby eyes glazed with tears meet your own when your eyes flick up to confirm that he was indeed crying.

"tomo..." the crack in his voice shatters your heart and you find yourself pulling kazuha into your arms. his own circle around you and his hands grip onto the back of your shirt as he buries his face into your shoulder.

kazuha's body shakes as he sobs at the loss of his friend. he must have held it in until he got to the safety of your home. you were always his safe haven; coming over so you could tend his light wounds and provide a roof over his head if he was passing by your village.

and yet all you can do now is hold him until the storm inside his heart passes by.

❀ xiao

being in pain or having many injuries litter the expanse of his skin isn't unusual for xiao. he's an adeptus whose sole purpose is to serve rex lapis and protect the citizens of liyue, even if it meant throwing his life away.

even then, sustaining larger, more painful wounds didn't make the adeptus bat an eye. despite how horrible it sounds, xiao is used to it all and takes each hit and laceration that comes his way without blinking an eye.

when karmic debt constantly takes a toll against your health and death is the only solution to reaching true peace, it's hard to care about the state of your own wellbeing.

so imagine xiao's surprise when he shows up at the wangshu inn battered and bruised from dealing with a hoard of monsters and seeing you standing in the yaksha's usual spot, waiting for him with a frown etched into your face.

nimble fingers work deftly against xiao's body, quickly cleaning up the lacerations on the adeptus' chest and the scrapes that cover his arms. xiao releases a hiss from the sting of the medicine and you apologize under your breath.

"i knew you would end up like this." your words come out harsher than you intend to. the adeptus doesn't respond. as long as he was the only casualty to come out of this, as long as the innocent lives of liyuens were protected, as long as you were safe behind the walls of the wangshuu inn, it didn't matter how badly his body was injured.

"i just... i just wished you weren't so careless, xiao." the way your voice breaks doesn't go unheard by the yaksha. his eyes snap forward, but your head is tilted down as your shaky fingers worked their way around xiao's torso. "you're always fighting as if no one cared if you died or disappeared one day."

xiao doesn't get it. he doesn't understand why you care about him so much. a being fated to suffer until his dying days are over, one cursed with karmic debt and forced to carry the burdens of the innocent lives he took in his past.

no one should care about him. a monster with blood on his hands.

but here you are, shedding tears for an adeptus who didn't deserve it. the sole yaksha who is fated to succumb to the sweet embrace of death at any given moment.

and yet, despite knowing he doesn't deserve your gentle touch brushing over his wounds, the young adeptus lifts your face with a gloved finger and brushes away the tears that flow down your cheeks. he longs to continue holding you, to feel your skin against his. you're his temporary solace from the karmic debt that hangs over his heart.

an apology slips past xiao's lips, and you cry harder, calling him 'stupid' for almost dying out there. you bury yourself in his chest and he hugs you, afraid that if he let go, you would be nothing but a dream.

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syllvane · 3 years

Text

the lovers- kaz brekker x reader

a/n: this was requested by anon!

request something here

Kaz didn’t like to showcase his vulnerabilities.

It’s why he wore gloves- anything that could be interpreted as a possible weakness, he twisted into the image that he had created for himself, incorporated it into the legend that surrounded him.

You really weren’t that different.

Yes, he cared for you, more than he cared for most people, but there was nothing sacred to Kaz Brekker.

To the Barrel, you were just the Archer, just another spider that Dirtyhands had on his payroll, though your specialty was arrows rather than knives.

And you were fine with that- even within the Dregs, only a few knew of your relationship with Kaz.

If any of the others suspected, you would have genuinely been surprised.

Public displays of affection never occurred and even in private, the farthest you had gone was holding hands with him, not that you minded.

You would move at whatever speed was comfortable for him and not anything more.

Cue you and Kaz at some all too extravagant party, guarding the hallway that led to the Merchant’s office, the office which Jesper and Inej were currently in, stealing information from the Merchant’s ledgers.

You were wearing some all too tight dress while Kaz had been outfitted in a suit, his hair slicked back.

Although he looked nice, you still wanted nothing more than to run your hands through his hair and undo all the hard work that Nina had done.

You peeked around the corner before drawing back quickly, pulling Kaz into one of the enclaves of a doorway.

“Guards,” You told him and he glanced at his watch as you heard footsteps at the beginning of the hallway.

“They need more time,” He said, more to himself than anyone else.

“Kaz,” You said under your breath, growing increasingly aware of one of the guards approaching the small enclave.

“I know,” He said, almost annoyed, before taking a deep breath.

“What are you-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Kaz cut you off by pushing you against the wall and kissing you.

You stood there in shock, completely unresponsive before you realized what he was doing and played into it.

You barely even realized when the guard found the two of you, the sound of your heart hammering in your chest and the blood rushing in your ears distracting you from anything else.

The guard grunted and Kaz pulled away from you, looking at the ground.

“You shouldn’t be back here,” The guard said sheepishly and you tried your best to look flustered, though you didn’t have to do much acting.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, sir. Me and my boyfriend, we just wanted to find a… private spot, I’m sure you understand.”

He looked between the two of you, a blush appearing on the guard's face.

“R-right, I understand miss, but you can’t be back here. I’ll escort the two of you back to the party.”

“Thank you so much, sir. I promise that it won’t happen again,” You said sincerely and the guard nodded, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Have a good night now,” He said after leading the two of you back to the main party.

You and Kaz made your way outside of the party, trying to find some privacy.

“You-”

“I did what I had to do to keep us safe,” He said, though you could tell from his voice that that wasn’t the whole story.

You crossed your arms over your chest, trying to keep your bare arms warm in the cool Ketterdam night.

“You’re going to catch a cold,” Kaz said sullenly, sliding out of his jacket and offering it to you.

You grabbed it from him hesitantly and put it on, reveling in the warmth that it provided.

“That was some quick thinking on your part.”

Kaz didn’t say anything for a couple of moments, flexing his gloved fingers over the top of his cane.

“Yes, well, it wasn’t a difficult choice to make. We did what we had to do in order to keep Inej and Jesper safe.”

You remembered the way his lips crashed into you, the way he had pushed you against the wall.

Your face warmed.

“What wasn’t a difficult choice?” Inej asked, appearing out of nowhere and causing you to jump. Her eyes narrowed as you jumped- usually, you were able to spot Inej before anyone else, but you weren’t exactly paying attention to your surroundings at the moment. Before she could question you, Kaz spoke.

“Do you have a copy of the ledger or not?”

“Of course. We’re not amateurs, you know,” Jesper said, holding out the journal to Kaz, who didn’t say anything else.

He looked at you, almost as if he expected to be looking at thin air before his gaze softened almost imperceptibly.

“You two go on without us. We’ll meet you back at the Slat.”

As if she had never been there at all, Inej simply vanished back into the darkness. Jesper groaned slightly but didn’t object, walking back towards the direction of the Slat.

You and Kaz walked slowly throughout the streets of Ketterdam, as if you were an old married couple strolling through a garden as opposed to whatever the two of you were strolling through an unforgiving city.

“Thought you would’ve disappeared the first chance you got after Inej and Jesper showed up,” He said nonchalantly, his voice even.

“I’m not doing much of anything in this dress, much less jumping from roof to roof,” You said pointedly, though your tone was easygoing.

“What happened earlier-”

“We don’t have to talk about it. If you want, what happened there can stay there,” You said, cutting him off.

“It wasn’t pleasant,” Kaz said shortly. “But it wasn’t horrible either.”

You stopped where you were walking, looking at him.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Oh, hush,” He said, the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

“Careful, Brekker, you’re getting awfully close to looking like a human being.”

“What can I say? You’re a bad influence.”

You laughed and a small smile tugged at Kaz’s lips.

Maybe he should just drop the whole revenge thing, just try and make you laugh for the rest of your life’s. He thinks that maybe he can be happy with that.

You lead him to a restaurant, where someone was strumming a guitar, playing an unfamiliar, folksy tune.

In the streetlight, your face lit up and you outstretched a hand towards him.

“You owe me a dance from earlier.”

He pulled a face.

“I owe you no such thing.”

“If Jesper was here, he would dance with me,” You said to him and he frowned.

“Yes, well, good thing he isn’t here then. I won’t have to break his legs this way.”

You rolled your eyes.

“What do you have to lose, Kaz? Just this one dance. One dance and then we can go back to being all boring.”

“I was joking before, but you are an actual bad influence,” He grumbled, taking your hand.

The smile that appeared on your face almost made it all worth it.

What the two of you did was hardly dancing- it was more him standing and letting you guide him and letting him twirl you than anything rhythmic, but it made you happy and that was all that really mattered to Kaz.

Whatever he could do to make you smile like that, even if it meant embarrassment in front of drunk restaurant patrons, he supposed it was worth it.

After an appropriate amount of time passed, the two of you continued walking and you held onto his hand a little tighter than before.

“Happy now?” He asked and you smiled.

“It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t horrible either,” You quoted and he shook his head, trying to get rid of the smile that was on his face.

“The kiss wasn’t bad. I wouldn’t be objected to trying again sometime.”

“Neither was the dancing,” You chided, though you were grinning. He rolled his eyes.

“You’re pushing your luck, Archer.”

You shrugged.

“Would you really have me any other way?” You asked, walking ahead of him.

You didn’t see him shake his head or the small smile that appeared on his face as he watched you.

“No,” He said quietly. “I wouldn’t.”

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone imagines #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #six of crows imagine #six of crows imagines #inej ghafa #jesper fahey

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absolutelyfizzing · 3 years

Text

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him. You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

#harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #hp imagine #hp x reader #the marauders #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #marauders era #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter fluff #harry potter fluff #james potter angst #hp angst #hp fluff

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kingdaddydaichi · 3 years

Text

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

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traumatictouch · 3 years

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why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

(disclaimer: i realize symptoms of trauma are pretty much common all across the board, and depression also comes with a lot of these behaviors - but there are some that crop up more commonly in cases of sexual abuse (especially from a young age) than in others. csa survivors also frequently end up with depression, too, so that doesn't necessarily take away from it.)

i’ll start with the cover above. the hands touching him here are much more expressive than the ones he usually wears. it's also framed in a way where you can't see the ends/cap things very well, and they don't appear so symmetrical, making them feel much more like real, living hands grabbing him.

there's also the fact that his face is exposed, which is something we had rarely seen him do willingly at this point in the manga, and even when he had he was still covered up with a hoodie or completely alone. the way he's covering half his face gives off the impression that he's not okay with the way he's exposed.

all of that, plus the obvious distress tomura is in, gives this very glaring assault vibes.

also, the hands on his head are clearly someone's actual, living hands as well. my guess is afo, especially since they seem to be petting him, which is reoccurring imagery between tomura and afo.

tomura's total lack of privacy

there's a clear lack of boundaries between tomura and the adults in his life. most of the spaces that seem to belong to tomura (the bar - he feels safe enough there to take Father off, and his room) are accompanied by cameras and audio transmissions from afo. he has no privacy, and doesn't even seem bothered by this fact.

he also doesn't seem to set boundaries with other people in general. toga can hold a knife to his neck, spinner can grab him and yell in his face, the doctor can shout over his earpiece, dabi (or anyone, really) can say whatever rude or callous things he wants to him… really the only time i can think of that even comes close was when mr. compress made a joke about working with overhaul and tomura said "hey, not funny."

he seems to kinda just let whatever happen to him. earlier in the series, tomura seemed to rely on kurogiri to notice when he needed space and step in for him rather than ask for it himself. that's a pretty telltale sign of someone who's had their needs and boundaries violated (or even punished) for a long time.

Tomuras over-attachment to afo and his praise/affection

obviously afo groomed tomura whether it involved sexual abuse or not, but it is something that could have easily lended itself to that as well. early in the series, tomura clearly highly valued afos opinion of him, and seemed to strive to please and repay him for his kindness. these are feelings afo incited in him on purpose and did, canonically, take advantage of to turn tomura into a villain and pawn - who's to say he didn't use it for other purposes, too?

it's also the kind of thing survivors tend to latch onto to cope with their abuse. it can be easier to think of the event as being affection, returning a favor, and/or special treatment, than to think of it as abuse. tomura looked up to afo so much that it's possible he could have considered (or been convinced) that it was special that someone as great as afo wanted to do something so intimate with him.

also, if this is really tomura realizing his sensei isn't as special and powerful as he'd been led to believe, then his reaction being to cover up while looking angry might, well… be a reaction to feeling used.

Tomura & older men

there's not a lot of people besides afo that tomura seems very quickly, openly… invested in. there are two major ones i can think of, and they are both 1. older men, and 2. mentor figures (even if not to tomura.)

the most obvious of the two is aizawa, who tomura has seemed pretty fond of since his first appearance and, even in the most recent chapters, can't seem to help but think about how cool aizawa is. aizawa isn't a mentor to tomura, obviously, but he is a teacher and tomura knows this. (and seems impressed by the way he tries to protect the students in his care--something afo very specifically does not do for tomura.)

the second, and perhaps less obvious to most, is Stain. i wrote up a whole post trying (trying.) to explain the way tomura seemed interested in him, and you can see a bit more about that and how tomura was hoping he'd be a mentor to him here.

in other words, tomura has shown reoccurring interest in older men, who are mentors, that he does not show for anyone else.

early sexual abuse can influence a person's attractions. survivors tend to be drawn to what is familiar, even if it hurt, and so it's pretty common for them to be attracted to and/or desire a relationship with those who resemble their abuser(s).

and afo is an older man who is a mentor to tomura (and others.)

immaturity (& age regression)

tomura, in early canon, is often described by characters in-universe as being childish, especially in regards to how he processes his emotions. (i don't really like to conflate these things with "age" or "being childish" - but the way the manga itself presents these qualities is clearly intended to give tomura a immature/childish vibe.)

tomura's emotional processing, simple motivations, fixation with video games, toys littering his room, and need for close caregiving (kurogiri) all give off the impression that he's had trouble developing the way he "”should”" have--kind of like he didn't really move on at all.

this sort of stunted development tends to occur in people with childhood trauma, especially csa survivors. ptsd at its core is the brain getting "stuck" in the moment of trauma, so if the trauma occurred as a child, then one's development is somewhat halted there, especially in areas of emotional processing, because the brain and body have to dedicate so much energy to just trying to cope and survive. it's pretty common for csa survivors to have trouble coping with and controlling their emotions.

relatedly: i have no real way to confirm this right now, but i’ve heard that during the mla arc, while tomura was kind of going in and out of flashbacks, he started switching to using “boku” - a self pronoun for young boys - as opposed to his usual “ore”). ive since had to wonder if this is a reoccurring state for tomura - it might partly explain why he keeps his toys around despite never showing interest in them on-screen, and has such close supervision from kurogiri.

again, age regression can go for any kind of childhood trauma, but seems very common in child sexual abuse survivors in particular.

Lack of hygiene (esp oral)

look at how tomura's teeth are drawn compared to even another villains. dabis teeth are straight and clean, whereas tomura's have holes and chips, and tend to be drawn uneven with wobbly lines, like they're covered in plaque.

not caring for one's hygiene is common for people with depression too - but failure to care for teeth also frequently crops up in survivors of sexual abuse, due to an aversion to things touching or being inside their mouth, because it can remind them of the abuse.

in a similar vein, tomura's hair looks unwashed and greasy to me, especially when it gets long. it sort of gathers in clumps and appears heavy. survivors may avoid taking showers because they aren't comfortable removing their clothes for long periods of time, or because the abuse occurred in proximity to bathing. (which is a convenient time for parental figures to groom and abuse their children, since it already involves them being naked and the parent touching them closely.)

in general, there just seems to be something off about tomura's relationship with his body. maybe it's the way he barely bats an eye at major injuries, doesn't care for his hygiene, self-injures, and didn't mind undergoing a surgery that altered its shape and function pretty heavily--but i get the impression that tomura sees his body as just a tool more than anything.

which, if someone grew up having their body regarded as nothing but a means of pleasure, kind of makes sense.

his clothing

im not sure if this has the same “connotations” (for lack of a better word) for flat chested people, but tomura always wearing a lowcut shirt that shows off a fair amount of his chest, but covering the rest of himself head to toe--including his face--feels significant to me. as well as the way he covers up even more (his hoodie) when he’s stressed. the hands, too--being covered up seems to be calming for him.

the placement of the hands afo gave him

you can't tell me little tenko placed these hands where they are by himself. the ones on his chest aren’t even from his family or meant to resemble them - they’re additional hands afo gave him to wear. pretty weird place for “afo”’s hands to go...

I feel like theres a little bit something to tomura frequently having his clothes ripped off during fights

not that it's particularly uncommon for bnha characters to get their clothes a bit shredded during fights, but i can't help but feel like there's something to tomura getting torn down to nothing but his pants twice, with both battles heavily involving tomura's traumas, including the ones related to afo. the vs mla arc with how tomura met afo and how he turned him into what he is today, then the war arc where the methods afo used to control and abuse tomura (the hands) are brought back again--and afo repeatedly takes tomura's bodily autonomy away from him.

AFO's predatory behaviors

tomuras own behavior aside, All For One himself has some behaviors and imagery that gives off very predatory vibes. i’ll start with Ragdoll…

most people theorize that she was going to be turned into a nomu, but there are two important things here. ragdoll was found 1. alive, and 2. naked. all nomu are made from corpses - if afo had time to take her quirk and undress her, he certainly had time to kill her, especially since three days had passed since she was kidnapped. (and, what benefit would there be to making a nomu out of a quirkless hero?)

her dazed state is also curious - we've never been told taking or giving quirks has a side effect like this, and i would think itd at least wear off after three days…

there's also not actually a lot to suggest she was submerged in one of the tanks (that i know of); in the full body image, she doesn't seem to be soaking wet or anything. there's no water dripping off her. there's just a bit of liquid on her face and neck, which could merely be sweat, or… other fluids.

this next part is more debatable due to it being more dubiously canon (although My Hero: One’s Justice has been known to basically spoil villain related lore before it appears in the manga) - but he has some dialogue that makes him sound... pretty fuckin enthusiastic about sexual violence.

and time and time again, afo has been... very creepy and obsessive about his brother. who happens to look an awful lot like tomura, and is vaguely connected to nana as a user of OFA, and we know how far afo would go to spite both of them.

The "wow this is pretty much confirmed now" page

i always thought i was just projecting when i read tomura as a csa survivor - until i saw this page, which was so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me nauseous. it definitely made me decide i wasn't just reading into things that weren't there. that's not exactly to say this panel 100% confirmed it (though it certainly did in my mind, personally) -- but the imagery here can't not be deliberate.

tomura is literally shirtless and bent over before afo, and sure, afos not completely standing behind him, but that's partially because his lower half is inside of tomura. and from our previous example of afo taking over tomura's body…

i wish i could find the translation i first saw - this is the viz translation, which is notoriously horrible - but the one i read felt much more along the lines of "i saved you, so i get to do what i want with your body."

that is a line of logic that could have EASILY applied to their earlier relationship. the way afo saved tenko was very much on the forefront of tomura's mind early in the series, possibly either an idea he clung onto to justify the abuse he experienced from afo, or something afo personally reminded him of frequently.

also… part of afos body is definitely wrapped around tomura's upper thigh, and in certain panels seems to be emanating from between his legs.

speaking of, tomura's stance is also notable to me. compared to the panel where tomura first realized afo was taking control of him, where his knees are pretty straight on or outwards in a powerful balanced brace, in these panels his knees seem to be bending in towards his body, like he wants to squeeze his legs shut. huh.

i touched on this before, but it's interesting to me that what finally let afo fully take control of tomura's body, was having a hand (one afo very specifically used to control and abuse tomura into doing what he wanted) placed upon his body without permission.

so, all in all, afo is "inside" tomura's body, using it for his own means, against tomura's wishes.

what else does that sound like? no wonder deku feels like tomura needs help, despite everything...

again, this isn't to say that csa is definitely the cause of these things, just that tomura does have an abundance of behaviors and imagery that could easily be read that way.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #Tenko Shimura #boku no hero academia #all for one #afo bnha #bnha #long post #ITS FINALLY HERE #i did my best i hope it makes sense #csa tw #child abuse tw #meta #ooc

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