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lenniedoesthings · 10 months

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A drunken analysis of fandoms I did on a long flight in 4 thousand words or less

Introduction

Please let me set the scene. It's past midnight, an obscene hour if anyone's asking. There's a young lady, around the age of 16 to 24, in the corner of her room, which is decked out with posters, with the lights off, lit up only by the light of her bedside lamp. She probably has school or responsibilities next morning, but she's not showing signs of going to bed. She's perched at the edge of her spinny chair, eyes eagerly running over the glowing words on her computer reflecting off her face. This could've been 2006, or 2014, or 2018. Frankly, this set-up is applicable as long as the internet existed. There's a lot of pages the girl might be going on, many appropriate and common to the times. Possibly early internet forums, if it was 2006, young and innocent and ready to find friends from afar. Maybe Tumblr, the popular social website of young, introverted girls in 2014, ready to share to the world what was happening in their lives, a breakup or a struggle with themselves or simply to gush over something they liked. And if it was 2018, it could been any social media website you can think of. Truthfully, I can't imagine a girl on a PC in 2018 instead of a phone, so there's the flaw in my set-up.

But no matter what, people nowadays aged 30 and below most probably have a memory of eagerly browsing the internet dead in the night, searching for friends within their loved specific niche that they couldn't find in their day to day life's social circle. But the internet isn't what I'm to talk about today, but one specific niche that most, if not all people on the internet have encountered -- fanatic domains, or fandoms, this gigantic monster of conflicting opinions and shared loves. You might be shaking your head at me, this uncultured swine, don't I know about fan gatherings of the past? People in a web of letters ready to discuss their favorite character of The Hobbit? Yes, very much so, and very much not so. The way the internet is made makes everything available for everyone to share, read, and reshare, making loving something incredibly easy and information quick to consume. In the past, if you needed to find fellow lovers of The Hobbit, you would need to hopefully bump into someone at the store who shared the same interest, who'd introduce you to this other friend and another friend until you've got this group of friends all loving the same book, and all waiting outside eagerly for the release of The Lord of the Rings, buzzing with ideas Tolkien might have for his next book.

There are many more stories to tell of fans of the time, some more vivid and most probably more accurate than my retelling, but there is one constant between them, you needed to be at the right place, at the right time, or you needed to know the right people. Nowadays, however, you could just type 'Hobbit' into whichever browser you're using, and there would be years upon years of information and entertainment for you to enjoy. A precise analysis of the High Elves and their motives along with counter arguments on why they're the best? Look no further than fan sites that pop up, with people dedicated to dissecting the book in detail. An imaginary situation of Thorin and Bilbo meeting in a coffee shop in New York? Well, there are way too many websites for that, early blogs and independent websites or large commercial monsters like Fanfiction.net or Wattpad. Simply a place to gush about Legolas? Forums or places like Reddit and Tumblr will find you a lots of fellow fangirls with a never ending abundance of fan art and reader-inserts. A comparison between the movies and the book? Tumblr has that too, and you'd find fourteen year old girls doing the most precise analysis that's lacking in their English essays. (This is slightly hypocritical coming from a teenage girl analyzing fandoms instead of the themes of Frankenstein)

I could go on and on forever, and this isn't even a fandom I'm involved in. In better words, there's no lack of fellow fans on the internet, too many, if some people would say. Especially with popular books and big fandoms, this gives birth to many subcultures simply of that particular book, along with terminology that seeps into every young girl's vocabulary. It's really beautiful in the way you can observe online fandoms and their evolve from a tiny, niche corner of the World Wide Web to this day's monster of so many hearts poured out, seeping into every corner of the internet, with references even in the wildest and most different of scenarios. In this essay I will attempt to analyze one of the biggest online cultures, it's subcultures and their online culture, and one funny thing called fanfiction, along with guiding you on the path of every Tumblr girl's road of discovery and growth with their introduction to the internet world.

Fanfiction

Fanfiction is such a large sprawling web of interconnected night owls there's a whole subculture just talking about the unique experience of reading fanfiction. Born from early glitchy fanpages to scattered stories around long lost websites such as LiveJournal and short scribbled stories on DeviantArt to the big three nowadays, Wattpad for the teenage girls, Fanfiction.net with the memories and for the classic and old fandoms, lastly Archive of our own with everyone and everything in the most beautiful and horrifying sense. Its something everyone that's been on the internet for as early as fifteen years ago would probably know about. Some with disdain, others with morbid curiosity, and the rest with fond memories. The reputation that fanficition is simply badly written porn isn't wrong per se, just look at any Ao3 (Archive of our own) page, but there's so much more.

People look down on it, call the writers 'unoriginal' and 'illiterate' and just silly 'fourteen year old crazy fangirls'. But it's not, at least, not completely. It's a safe space for people who just want to take these funny little characters of their youth and put them in these either torturous or cute situtations, mostly romantic and homosexual, but also experimental and new and beautiful, with some amazing works of literature coupled with many people finding their love for writing and starting their journey with a 5 + 1 story of their favorite two characters. Fanficiton also varies a lot, from a love letter to the original authors or a beautifully written protest of the story direction, or even just using premade and well-loved characters to tell a personal struggle in different words.

Heck, some of nowaday's popular and maybe slightly morbid terms come from fanfiction, with a simple battle of tongues for dominance or a soft epilogue with your love to being tired of choosing and always having to choose and never getting to choose you. Yes, there's a lot of horrible fanfiction, don't we all know it, and most of fanfiction is unreadable, unless you're really desperate, but whenever you find a gem of a find, with proper punctuation and a well thought out plot that just nails all the tropes which makes you cry and laugh with a pairing you've never even considered before and it's long and unproblematic enough for a reread, those moments are just pure joy, one that you'd never expirence without even a month deep in fanfiction.

One primary counter argument is that these words people smush together of someone else's characters aren't real literature simply because it isn't original, but if we're going there, why aren't we shaming Shakespeare? How dare he write these great fanfictions of Greek myths and publish them, making them some of the most legendary literature of all time. If your whole criticism of fanfiction that it isn't original, I would like you to reevaluate your books, for there are so many popular stories that aren't 'original', and if your definition of fanfiction is a rewrite of a book or story built upon another, there are so many pieces of English literature you would not enjoy.

But the main thing you're here for is to understand what this subculture actually is, so let me get back on topic. Let's start with something simple, give me a show of hands if your first fanfic, (short for fanfiction) was from either the Harry Potter books, the MCU, or the pioneer, the television series Supernatural. Supernatural is a series familiar to me not for it's television merits, having never watched the show, but its impact on this internet subculture. That fandom gave birth fanfiction's many terminologies, short forms, and something that has been splayed on newspages recently along with the rise of AI, many sub-sub-cultures and stories, most famously ones like the Omegaverse (Don't Google this and don't look at the tags) and Coffee shop AUs. Maybe as someone completely separated to this culture you were following along, just barely, but now you're confused, what's an AU? Well, dear reader, that is but one of the many inventive terminologies of this subculture. Let's take a look at this seemingly gibberish sentence: "hp hp/dm otp coffee shop au ewe slow burn meet-cute enemies to lovers"

I hope I have evoked some long forgotten Wattpad Drarry memories for some. The way fanfiction terminology has evolved to suit the needs of readers is a little like a developing language, with constantly being fine tuned until it reaches the perfect sweet spot, but still forever evolving to keep up with the times and climate. Like how early writers needed to specify platonic relationships from romantic ones and thus standardizing the sign & and / respectively. Or how writers loved the characters but craved more for them, thus creating popular AUs or Alternate Universes for them, like ones which are set in the modern day, others without powers, and some in simply a coffee shop meet-cute. Some writers going further with these characters leading to crossovers, letting Hermione volunteer as tribute and Katniss fight along Hawkeye.

As fanfictions evolved to suit the author's desires, readers invented more and more terms for them to group their favorite mush of words, leading to newbies usually browsing some Ao3 veteran's Tumblr blog for correct fanfiction etiquette along with a dictionary of the terminology. By the way, the Drarry story was: "A Harry Potter slash (usually meaning a homosexual romantic relationship, coming from the / sign) fanfic with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, my One True Pairing, where they meet in an Alternate Universe in a coffee shop after the Battle of Hogwarts, ignoring the epilogue and Rowling's ending, and a slow, gradual romance with them going from enemies to lovers (this is very self explanatory).

Ships

Relationships are always a thing in books and movies, especially romantic ones, but there’s a lot more to it for the fans once the book is over. There are the canon relationships, the ones stipulated by the writers and are thus, canon, and the non-canon relationships, or canon relationships, which are created by fans and do not exist in the canon storyline. They are similar to headcanons but are more prevalent, with many fanfictions centered around the fan created relationship.These can also be called ‘ships’. We’re going to focus on non-canon relationships first. They are usually created by fans who like a specific pair of characters together, which aren’t mentioned in a relationship in the books or movies, and put them together used in a series of headcanons and fanficitions. Ships are very prevalent in fandoms, even when the character is said to be in a canon relationship with another character.

One very popular ship on Archive of our own is Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter with more than 56 thousand stories, despite both of them having a heterosexual relationship already established in canon. One thing that fans use to address or name a ship, both canon or fanon, instead of just saying “X character and Y character” are ship names, using a portmanteau, smushing two words together to make a new word. This originated from the Supernatural ship of Dean Winchester and Castiel, taking the beginning of Dean’s name and the ending of Castiel’s to form their ship name, Destiel. Some popular portmanteau ship names are Drarry and Romione. Another type of ship names, instead of being a portmanteau of their names, but a combination of something associated with them. Take the popular fanon ship of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, their most common ship name is WolfStar, due to their names having similar ending, it is hard to create portmanteau of their names, and so fans used things associated with them, Remus’ lycanthropy giving “Wolf” to the name, and Sirius being named after a star, giving “Star” to the name. Most fandoms have popular ships, with fandoms of their own of those ships, but there are two types of ships that fall outside of this category: rarepairs and crackships.

Rarepairs are usually a pairing that isn’t popular and usually with a small following or of the author’s creation, such as Cho Chang and Dudley Dursley in Harry Potter. This is a viable ship, able to exist in the confines of canon and would generally be a healthy relationship. However, due to both these character having minor roles and never being seen interacting, this is a rarepair with only one or two headcanons and fanficitions, usually without a following, but just visitors of an author’s fanfiction. Crackships are usually a pairing of two characters that shouldn’t be paired and wouldn’t be in a romantic relationship in a normal setting, such as Bellatrix Lestange and Hermione Granger, based on canon evidence of the two character, it wouldn’t be a healthy or viable relationship, due to their age-gap, moral difference, general unhingeness of Bellatrix Lestrange, and other canon reasons. Crackships usually appear in many forms, such as situations where they act out of character or with different upbringing, humorous situations, one-shots, and straight-up porn at times. Crackships don’t usually appear in headcanon, but rather in fanfictions written solely for the crackships.

One completely separate category of ships are reader-inserts, these appear in text posts, headcanons, and fanficitions. Usually, these are written in second-person with the sole or at least main purpose of the fanfiction is for the reader to engage in a relationship with a specific character, platonic or romantic. Writers use words such as Y/N, meaning ‘your name’, and different things such as YHC (your hair color), or YLN (your last name) to make the reader insert themselves in the story by using second-person and making the character as much as a blank slate for reader to add on to their personalities as much as they want.

One glaring downside, or upside, of the entire shipping part of a fandom are the disagreements. With the inclusion of popular fanon ships, with sometimes the fanon ships gaining much more popularity than the canon ship (such as Marvel’s canon relationship of Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter often disregarded in favor of other ships such as Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers and Tony Stark), it leads to many arguments to much ship is the “superior” one, with many apologists going to great lengths to defend their favorite pairing. A very well-known ship disagreements are between the canon ship Romione (Ron and Hermione) and the fanon ship Dramione (Draco and Hermione), leading to many arguments on internet forums and long posts with people either defending their favored ship or undermining the other, with some even bashing the opposite character (Ron or Draco).

Headcanons

Another thing about fandoms which is very similar to fanfictions but in a much simpler way is headcanons. Something that deviates from canon (the established storyline and characters) or something we just don't know about. One example could be 'I headcanon Harry Potter as bisexual' This could be possible, as even though he is only mentioned as in relationships with female characters, his sexuality is never mentioned, and it is often mentioned in the Harry Potter books with Harry complimenting many male character's looks, leaving it in the realm of possibility. Another slightly different kind is 'I headcanon muggleborn students constantly making pop culture references' This isn't in line with canon, as though the story is told from Harry's perspective, a wide spread thing like that would've been mentioned, but instead, there's never a major transitional struggle with muggleborns, even with Harry, who was raised by muggles, showing that most muggle borns adopt their magical heritage and birthright in favor over their mundane one.

Headcanons are fun things to simply state in a Tumblr text post or a conversation between friends, not needing the brainpower to curate a whole story yet letting you to express your love and creativity along with wants for a series and character. Usually, however, some headcanons become so widespread they are adopted as canon, or something mentioned so many times in fanfic that people write it down along with character characterizations. Such as in the MCU, there is always a running mention of Clint climbing in the vents, even though this is never mentioned in either the movies or comics, it in actuality being a headcanon which it's lines with canon has become so blurred it's common appearance in fanfictions can lead me to believe most of the community has shelved this fan made characteristic of Clint along with his canon characteristics. Another notable mention is Remus' love for chocolate in Harry Potter. In the actual books, there are only a few lines of Remus offering chocolate to Harry, and all of them are in medicinal situations, as shown in one line with Madame Pomfrey. However, this is a favored headcanon, this characteristic adopted as canon and appearing in other headcanons and most, if not all, Marauder-era fanfictions. Most readers would be hard pressed to believe JK Rowling didn't intend Remus Lupin to be this cocoa lover.

Another thing that runs along headcanons, cut from the same cloth but different in patterns, are common misunderstandings or assumptions of a character, some incorrectly taken as canon, such as Draco's middle name, which is never mentioned, not in the books nor one of Rowling's websites, but many fans believe it to be Lucius due to a parallel with Harry's middle name and early writers using it as placement and other fanfiction writers adopting the name as the medium. Other things that are similar to this in fashion but are very obviously incorrect facts to canon, but so often used in fan conversations that it may as well be, but are still not confused as canon, such as the widespread use of 'Dan' and 'Emma' to name Hermione's parents, and the belief that the Marauders along with Dorcas, Lily, Mary, and Marlene were one big friend group.

Sub-fandoms

Harry Potter is the best example to use when describing a flourishing online fandom. It has been almost twenty years when the books have first been published, leaving it with ample time to grow a fandom on all platforms, for blogs, fanfictions, analysis, edits, and so much more. Along with movies and a fantasical universe, its a perfect breeding ground for excited fangirls and intricate dynamics. Its such a large fandom that within it, there are unique fandoms of things within the fandom, with fanfictions of fanfictions, edits of edits.There are many things in the Harry Potter fandom that are simply fan made things, but have large renown, as much as the original like the Potter Puppet Pals, an ironic comedy series which lines are often paraphrased for fun.

A great example of this is the 500 thousand word monstrosity on Archive of our own called All The Young Dudes, a slow burn fanfic of the Marauders' time at school. This is such a big part of the Harry Potter fandom that it is a fandom of it's own, with many fanfictions of ATYD, Pinterest pages, text posts, headcanons, and ships set in the ATYD version of Harry Potter yet not following the ATYD version of canon. (For example, the slash ship between Regulus Black and James Potter) It's a big fandom, and one thing that attracted many others from the main Harry Potter fandom was a fanmade movie trailer for ATYD using existing clips of Hollywood movies, but pieced together making it completely believable to exist together in a universe, much moreso a movie. You wouldn't believe Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man has a place in the Harry Potter fandom aside from crossover fanfiction, but one look at that fanmade movie trailer on YouTube will have you absolutely convinced that our favorite web-slinger could also definitely be our furry little problem. There are edits upon edits of the Spider-Man movie on social media platforms such as Tik Tok that are coupled with the right music and excerpts from the ATYD fanfiction that really makes you ask, is there actually a movie of the Marauders? Even Andrew Garfield himself has confirmed his knowledge and love for being a fancasted young Remus Lupin, showing the reach of this niche community within another niche online community within a fandom. You know what they say, never underestimate young girls in love.

References

Another thing highly prevalent in fandoms are specific words that only fans of that specific book or movie series understand what it's referring to, leading it to a running gag joke or a communal nostalgic memory. You only have to type 'calmly' after any Harry Potter text post and there's sure to be many people with laughing emojis and agreements. If you're out of the loop, its a comparison between the book and the movie of the Goblet of Fire in that scene when Dumbledore confronts Harry after his name pops out of the goblet. In the books Dumbledore asks Harry if he put his name in calmly to show his collected demeanor, but in the movies, Dumbledore runs across the room, grabs Harry and nearly yells in his face, leading this to be a running gag in the fandom, usually in the comment section of text post, to demonstrate in an alternate reality that the person has yelled it instead. In truth, and to quote, running gags like these are simply for "shits and giggles", but they are part of an integral communal joy that links the fans and their internet presence together.

Another similar but not completely is the line "Bucky?" commented in almost any Captain America posts or anything related in the MCU, sometimes used to reminisce past times or old fan memory, but usually just to prompt another commenter to reply with "Who the hell is Bucky?", paraphrasing the quote from the second Captain America movie when Steve Rogers meets his old friend Bucky Barnes again seventy years in the future, but in a situation where they are at each other's throats, with Bucky having no recollection of the other. Unlike 'calmly', which can only be used in the Harry Potter fandom for prevalence and is used for laughs as a commentary, the line from Captain America bears enough unique references to be used in scenarios which fans want to comment on outside the Marvel fandom, and can also be used as a calling for a fellow fan's reply.

Ending

We come to the end of this not-so-brief introduction of the world of online fanatic domains. In truth, this essay barely scratches the surface of fandoms. It is not only a place where people talk about their favorite fictional world, but a congregation of people along with our all unique personalities, then all contributing to a communal love, giving birth to a unique language, culture, and reference for online fans to find other online fans in real life. We currently exist in a turbulent world, ever changing, with people around us undermining us at each and every turn, physical or virtual, trying to tear us down, but the existence of online fandoms and communities are a place to let you know, “Yes, your love of this is valid. No, it isn’t something to hide, come share it with us!” Fandoms have led to a birth of many aspiring writers, artists, coders, publicists, and so many more. Though many may dismiss fanatic domains as simply a bunch of “crazed 14 year old fangirls wasting their time” there’s so much more to it, and if you have a book or movie or you’re interested in, I highly recommend you search it up, find a few Tumblr blogs to follow, maybe take a dip in fanficitions, create a few headcanons of your own, and who knows, it might bring you somewhere unexpected, and even if it doesn’t, you’ll have a fun time, I promise.

By lenniedoesthings on tumblr

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finishinglinepress · 2 months

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NEW FROM FINISHING LINE PRESS: 10 Hours to Tulsa by Shelley Nation

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Shelley Nation shares her life experiences growing up in #Tulsa, Oklahoma through her engaging prose. From specific events to the words and thoughts of her family and friends, Shelley takes us on a journey of one child’s memories.

Shelley Nation was the co-host of one of Chicago’s longest running #poetry talk shows, Wordslingers, which aired on WLUW FM from Loyola University, from 1999 to 2009. She has been writing and performing poetry in the Chicago area since 1988, and has hosted several poetry venues over the years. She has been published in many poetry journals including Wisconsin Review, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, The RavenPerch, Copperfield Review Quarterly, among others. Shelley has been a teacher and counselor in Chicago for the past 31 years and holds two Master’s Degrees in education. Shelley is a citizen of the #Cherokee #Nation of #Oklahoma and has recently begun to write about the experience of her grandmother and other members of her family as they lived through their struggles in Cherokee Nation territory, from Tennessee and Alabama to the Canadian District in Indian Territory/Oklahoma.

PRAISE FOR 10 Hours to Tulsa by Shelley Nation

In 10 Hours to Tulsa, Nation-Watson revisits growing up in Tulsa, a Hank Williams/Jerry Falwell/Step-parent/belt buckle place where the speaker clearly states “I don’t belong.” With the river as a “wasteland for memories” and home being “an idea far removed from her dream,” Nation-Watson renders sharp portraits of the people and places that formed a life, one that the speaker can remember and yet “keep driving.”

–Donna Vorreyer, the author of three full-length collections of poetry: To Everything There Is(Sundress Publications, 2020),Every Love Story is an Apocalypse Story (Sundress Publications, 2016), and A House of Many Windows (Sundress Publications, 2013)

“Poet Shelley Nation‘s chapbook10 Hours to Tulsa invites the reader on a road trip towards her beginnings. People and places are sketched in spare lines. Yet, these are lyric poems, not narrative. The use of inventive wordplay, shifting rhythms, and the persona form charge the personal imagery with emotional resonance. She asks what feelings from memories or dreams still connect to this place and these people, and how those feelings have changed and shifted. There’s heartbreak and humor, but no unearned sentiment — as if Patsy Cline had ever met up with Joy Harjo over a bourbon, neat.”

—Chicago poet Elizabeth Marino is the author of Asylum (Vagabond, 2020), the chapbook Ceremonies (dancing girl press) and Debris (Puddin’head Press), and a Pushcart Prize nominee.

In her stellar chapbook 10 Hours to Tulsa, Shelley Nation, a long-time, familiar presence in the Chicago poetry scene, reconnects with her Indigenous roots on the page, as well as in the flesh, having returned to her native Oklahoma. It’s apropos then, that these poems feel like a kind of personal guidebook to survival. With these vivid and detailed portraits, including “Uncle Harold,” “The Trailer Next Door,” “Reuben,” “A Friend from Bartlesville Comes to Visit,” “Everclear,” and “Unmentionables,” Nation has deftly created what amounts to a literary art gallery.

–Gregg Shapiro, author of Refrain in Light

Shelley Nation offers readers her bitter Oklahoma accounts of growing up inside a dysfunctional home where her soul’s refuge was to engage in adult imaginings which made it possible to escape with the assistance of the same potions and positions that bled into agony. Her solace was in her power to play and disguise herself while alone or with a confidant neighbor girl. Nation’s narrator is pulled by two huge magnets of her mother’s incendiary screams and father’s inebriated neglect and regrets. I was totally captivated by the poem “Uncle Harold” its tone and cadence captured in the character’s approach to a grand capricious life in a language worthy of a short film. There’s some familial trauma similar to what poets Sharon Olds and Sylvia Plath would have recognized, but Nation’s take is grittier and more country.

–Carlos Cumpian, author of Human Cicada (Prickly Pear Publishing)

10 hours to Tulsa is a crafty set of poetry that conjures up a working class, wrangler jean wearing, cowboy-booted Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz who drinks her whiskey straight and steals the cigarette from you after you light it. Not quite romanticized but lived experiences that feel as real as lipstick left on the rim of a glass.

–Andrea Change – Executive Director of Chicago’s Guild Literary Complex

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#poetry #flp authors #preorder #flp #poets on tumblr #american poets #chapbook #chapbooks #finishing line press #small press

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talbottoabbott · 1 year

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Mini-Research Paper - Summer Wagner

Summer Wagner is a photographer from Midwest America whose vivid and colorful photographs depict dream-like, ethereal, and fantastical scenes. Her two most recent projects, “The In-Between” and “The Parody of the Tangled Thread,” share many similarities, especially in style and technique. For example, Wagner shot both on a digital camera. Based on what she has commented about her photos on social media, she seems to have done most of her edits in Lightroom. In addition, most of her photographs have similar color palettes, dominated by either extremely cool tones or warm ones. Although her pictures might appear heavily edited using digital software, Wagner maintains that she enjoys getting as much as possible in camera instead of using digital painting.

“The In-Between,” captured in the summer and early fall of 2021, is the first publicly available project I could find from Wagner. Each photograph represents an in-between of two different elements. According to Wagner, the collection contemplates “humanness, spirituality and the delicate task of balancing life in a web of intricate dialectics.” A recurring motif in this collection is people looking at their phones.

An example is the photograph titled “Finding Affection Where I Can,” shot in September 2021, which depicts Wagner curled up in a laundry machine using her phone. What I find interesting about this motif of cellphones is that it perfectly captures a dialectic that capitalism and society have enabled, a reality in which people are almost always together and connected with each other because of advances in communication technology yet are fundamentally alone and disconnected from the people and places around them. There are also photographs in the collection that are impressive in their ability to capture the aforementioned “humanness” and depict human emotion and experience.

For example, one of my favorite images in the collection, titled “What Happened,” depicts the state of “in-between reality and dream.” There is a translucent person, an effect that Wagner might have achieved through long exposure, sitting down in a chair and situated in an environment that appears more definite than the person. With this photograph, Wagner expresses the universal yet difficult-to-describe feeling of waking up from a dream so intense and powerful that the dreamer cannot differentiate between the dream and reality. The forward-bent position of the subject also perfectly captures the grogginess of waking up from a deep nap and contributes to the image’s immersion and realism.

“The Parody of the Tangled Thread,” shot across 2021 and early 2022, is the most recent of Wagner’s collection. It is a visual poem about the notion that people experience reality in a fixed, linear manner and also all at once. Even on an individual level, it is a tangled thread of physical neurons and less tangible memories or concepts that come together to create one identity through which we experience the world. Memory is especially central to this collection since despite appearing to experience the world linearly, we continuously replay memories of happiness, embarrassment, or loss. The collection is also quite metatextual. Wagner mentions how cameras, since they are not tethered by a fixed experience of time, can show us different ways of perceiving time by capturing a specific moment, including the thoughts and feelings of the people in those pictures. In addition, long exposures capture long stretches of time in one photograph, showing us a passage of time that the fixed, linear experience does not encompass.

For example, her self-portrait titled “The Inner Bridge,” captured in the winter of 2021 along Lake Michigan, is a long exposure photograph depicting two Summer Wagners from different points in time reaching out to each other.

What the camera depicts in “The Inner Bridge” is not an event that could happen. However, Wagner contends that fantasy in art is often more true than the reality that humans experience through their senses.

An example she provides from the same collection is a photograph titled “Where We End And It Begins.” The photograph depicts three subjects lined up, staring into their phones, and their faces appear to be getting sucked into their phones. By representing phones are parasitic entities, “Where We End And It Begins” perfectly captures the experience of “doom-scrolling” and the feelings of sluggishness and guilt that come with it. The visual of their faces being pulled into the phones is also an apt illustration of the emptiness I have felt after a session of doom-scrolling. These are ideas and emotions that would have been much harder to represent realistically, and Wagner’s decision to choose a dream-like visual style allows her to be more true to the ideas that she wants to explore.

Conceptually, “The Parody of the Tangled Thread” was much more difficult to grasp, but once I started to understand Wagner’s intentions with this project, I felt more connected with it than I did “The In-Between.” It is impressive how greatly Wagner varies her subject matter and style while maintaining the cohesiveness of her work in style and the ideas she is exploring. For example, while the first project restricted itself to only natural environments and domestic spaces, Wagner’s second project adds environments such as a library, an auditorium, a classroom, etc. In addition, many subjects of the second project are engaged in action, contrasting the more resigned postures and positions of subjects in the first, and there is more variation in colors and tones. This variation in style and substance makes “The Parody of the Tangled Thread” a more enrapturing body of work than its predecessor.

- Bhargav Tata

Works Cited

@bugindreamland. “I am beyond excited to invite you to view my collection “The In-Between.” This is a special body of work created in the summer of 2021 contemplating humanness, spirituality and the delicate task of balancing life in a web of intricate dialectics.” Twitter, 11 Oct. 2021, 1:34 p.m., https://twitter.com/bugindreamland/status/1447616624836632580?s=20.

@bugindreamland. “Lol I Put the Tattoo There (It's a Tarot Reference That's Meaningful for the Piece) I Don't Use Filters or Photoshop to Create the Texture That's All in Camera but the Color Grade (in Lightroom) Is What Makes It Look Painterly..” Twitter, 7 Feb. 2023,12:13 p.m., https://twitter.com/bugindreamland/status/1623006819739217952?s=20.

@bugindreamland. “This is a photograph. It’s not edited in photoshop. It’s not a photograph w digital painting either, just a photo i took with candles in a swamp bc I love doing things the hard way for mo reason.” Twitter, 18 Oct. 2022, 5:21 p.m., https://twitter.com/bugindreamland/status/1582481973075120131?s=20.

@bugindreamland. “The Parody of a Tangled Thread: A Thread .” Twitter, 17 May 2022, 12:19 p.m., https://twitter.com/bugindreamland/status/1526598270180524032.

“Finding Affection Where I Can.” Foundation, Foundation, https://foundation.app/@summerwagner/foundation/96613.

“The Inner Bridge.” Foundation, Foundation, https://foundation.app/@summerwagner/pott/15.

“What Happened.” Foundation, Foundation, https://foundation.app/@summerwagner/foundation/96610.

“Where We End And Where It Begins.” Foundation, Foundation, https://foundation.app/@summerwagner/pott/9“The Parody of a Tangled Thread.” Foundation, Foundation, https://foundation.app/collection/pott.

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bluebells-and-belladonna · 1 year

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My Dreams, Categorized

Because who am I if I am not needlessly sorting things for the sake of comforting myself?

I promised I’d talk about my dreams, so I’m going to do exactly that. my dreams have always been just as strange as they are important to me. I‘ll save descriptions of specific dreams for another post, this entry will be focused on talking about how my dreams tend to work.

In my trying to understand my dreams over the years, I noticed patterns within them and broke them down into four categories.

The words I use to break up these categories are as follows: nightmares, dreams, visions, nonsense, and messages. I’ll start with the nonsense, as I have the least to say about them. These are my dreams that fit into common descriptions of dreams- disjointed and surreal moments of garbled story and people who act strangely. I don’t think much of these, and usually allow myself to forget them when I wake up unless they were particularly funny. While these are common dreams to have, they’re honestly quite rare for me as well as being, if I may, rather disappointing in comparison to my usual dreams. Well, I’d still rather have these than a nightmare.

I’ll talk briefly about my nightmares. you’ll forgive me if I don’t go too into detail about what makes up these. In these I am myself, with my waking-world body and memories, and they’re vivid and intense to put it mildly. As with any person, I get more nightmares if I’m stressed or particularly anxious. So far, so mundane.

Next, I’ll explain visions. As far as my memory serves me, these began when I was transitioning from elementary school to middle school. Every few nights, I’ll see a small moment from the near or immediate future in my dreams. Occasionally, one of these visions will happen while I’m awake, but it’s very rare and honestly hard to distinguish if it’s just an intrusive thought until the moment seen actually plays out. The furthest in the future these moments have shown was a couple days, and generally the future they show can be avoided or changed but never fully or entirely. This runs in my family, I know my mother and her biological mother have the same “sight“. These moments are often small things. Some real examples from me and my mothers lives: a friend will forget their water bottle so be sure to pack an extra, someone will need a bandaid when you walk to school so be sure to bring a few, your secret santa gift will be a Hasbro brand Ouija board, the zodiac sign for a fictional character you’ll talk about later tonight with a friend is Gemini. Occasionally, however, the vision is much more important. The one that I think affected me the most— as well as it being the one I have the most proof for as both my waking up from the initial vision AND the scene it described were witnessed by the same person— was about a car crash. The vision showed me a freeway I didn’t recognize, and showed me narrowly avoiding a deadly accident by pressing with everything I could down on the pedals and pulling the emergency break. I tried writing it off as a strange nightmare until later that day, exactly as I had seen it, I avoided that car crash. My mother has plenty of examples too, many of them with witnesses to back them up, though as they aren't my story to tell I’ll save that for another time. I don’t often tell people about my visions, as usually people don’t tend to beleive me, or worse will occasionally get angry at me as if I was somehow causing the things I’d see to happen by not preventing them. I’ve gotten yelled at or called weird or accused of lying enough times to stop trying to warn people before they follow through with their immediate fate. Well, there is the added truth that I often feel rather silly telling someone that I knew they’d want a water bottle I packed for them because I saw in a dream they’d need it. Moving on.

From here I’ll explain Messages. These started happening when I was in elementary school— earlier than the visions, yes, but later than nightmares and dreams. In these dreams I often don’t have a physical form, rather most often taking on an amorphous mass of purple electricity mentioned in my posts about Dameon. I usually cannot recall details about myself or my life from the waking world. Occasionally I’ll take a shape similar to my body, or remember fragments of the world and who I am. However looking like myself, knowing who I am, and the consistency of that isn’t what’s important; the real connecting thread between these dreams is that they are always trying to tell me something, either consciously or subconsciously, and usually through a “messenger” figure. If the visions give me obvious warnings about my immediate future, then the messages give me cryptic warnings about anywhere from the next weeks to months of my life that I often don’t understand until it’s too late. Damian and his advice dreams as talked about in their own three-part-post tends to fall into this category, but he is not the only “messenger” figure I’ve seen in my dreams by any stretch of the imagination. I often paint or draw these figures when I wake up, to the point that if you stumble across this blog from my art account you’ve likely seen some of these figures before. Some examples (without the obvious example of Damian) of this type of dream from my actual experiences are: an angelic figure made of thunderclouds with a scythe appearing in a dream before a period of great difficulty in my life, a skeleton crowned in pomegranates and with vultures wings appearing a few weeks before the end of a very long relationship, a plague doctor adorned with a celestial cape adorned internally with clocks appearing a month before quarantine began, a statue-esc ball-joint-doll constantly repainting herself showing me a face that bore a striking resemblance to a man who I'd meet later and quickly realize I needed to stay away from, a dragon crowned in scrolls and inkwell pens bearing a lantern a month before I was accepted into college. I’m almost certain that these messages are interconnected with the visions, and that there is a reason that I am not allowed or able to know the far off future in too great of detail, but that’s speculation I suppose.

Finally, after all of that, I can tell you about what I categorize as my dreams. My earliest memory is waking up as a small child from one such of these dreams, so I can say with certainty that I’ve always been having these. My dreams within this grouping always will put me into a different body and provide me with a matching set of memories that aren't my own from the waking world. I become a new person, and at the end of each of these dreams, that person will die. Not as a metaphor or figure of speech- the way these dreams end naturally is the person I’m inhabiting dies in one way or another. The best way I’ve been able to explain it is that it’s like I've been given the chance to live out the final stretch of time in a different persons life, that my purpose within them is to witness the end of a story that I otherwise wouldn’t know. These dreams are not strictly positive, in fact they’re often quite unpleasant to live through— but they’re an adventure, and I am not one to turn my nose up at adventure. These dreams are where I get the majority of inspiration for my art, character designs, and writing. Damian is also deeply interconnected with these dreams, as I previously mentioned Damian is often there amidst the crowd or art or background of this type of dream, present within the dream and observing without interfering. Also as previously mentioned he has claimed that he is the one who creates these dreams for me, and honestly I wouldn’t be shocked by that, however I am still unsure if I can or should trust him. It is impossible for me to briefly summarize these dreams to provide examples, as the stories within them are all so complex and full of information that even a reductive summary is too long for this post— besides, as I keep saying, I’ll get around to posting about some of these dreams here eventually.

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pinermatter · 2 years

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Shazam with shaq

#Shazam with shaq movie#

While 20-year-old VHS films can be hard to come by, the internet hasn’t offered up even a single shred of evidence - no posters, no clips, nothing - that this particular movie ever existed. “I want to be able to make it known that the movie is indeed real,” he told New Statesman. One man interviewed in the article has offered a $1,000 reward on Craigslist to anyone who can show him a copy of Shazaam, bootleg, rental, or otherwise. Everyone says I did,” he joked in 2009.) And according to Tait, one Twitter user or another still mentions that Sinbad genie movie “nearly every day.” The article doesn’t contain a comment from the comedian himself, but Tait dug into Sinbad’s tweets, which show that he’s been refuting the existence of this film for years. Related: ‘Jingle All the Way’ and Two More Christmas Shopping Movies to Stream The writer also discussed Shazaam‘s appearances on a Reddit community dedicated to “the Mandela Effect,” the Matrix-like theory that we live in a timeline or parallel universe that has been altered in some way: a fringe explanation for shared, false memories like the Shazaam movie (or the idea that the Berenstain Bears was once spelled “Berenstein”). So why are hundreds of people apparently convinced that they’ve seen it? Reporter Amelia Tait went deep into that question, diving into internet conspiracy theories and interviewing several people who described the film to her in detail, citing specific scenes, characters, and memories of watching it. There’s just one troubling fact: The movie doesn’t exist. Comedian Sinbad onstage at Muhammad Ali’s Celebrity Fight Night XXII on April 8, 2016, in Phoenix (Photo: Mike Moore/Getty Images for Celebrity Fight Night)ĭo you remember an early-’90s movie called Shazaam starring Sinbad as a genie? If so, you’re not the only one: According to an article in the British magazine New Statesmen, many people have vivid recollections of seeing this wacky family comedy.

#Shazam with shaq

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makeste · 4 years

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some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

#bnha 285 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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daisywrites4you · 3 years

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Your Spark - Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Co-Star AU

Author’s Notes: No confirmed Reader Gender, Age is not confirmed but is younger than Charlie, Slight Hint at Slow Burn (within the one-shot), Season 2 concept and NOT confirmed

Your life never seemed to have its spark. Everything being an endless fleet of things needed to be done and experiences always half-finished. That was until it started with a chance meeting on a film-set. Your first day being on the Julie and The Phantoms set was all due to the off-chance that you managed to get the job as a new character: Reggie’s potential love interest. You were widely shocked to have managed such a high role after expecting to get supporting-cast or a background character. You remembered bits and pieces but your stagefright did block a lot out. Your audition had included a cover of ‘Can’t blame a girl for trying’ by Sabrina Carpenter while playing your acoustic. You had shyly walked into the room and almost tripped over a sound card on the floor. You felt like you’d die from embarrassment before you would ever even make it to the judges table. You had introduced yourself and started your lines and tried to avoid eye contact. When you finally managed to look up, the director seemed shocked and interested in your acting. So when it finally came to singing, you felt more comfortable and gave it your all. You remembered hearing cheering from the doorway and the clapping from those who were listening in. It gave you a sense of pride but you never anticipated being something special. Still, you were elated to get the opportunity to meet and work with the actors you learned to adore after watching season one. Your life was finally coming together...that was until your eyes met viridescent ones.

You were walking to the break room to meet the cast for the first time. Your first day jitters seeming to get worse and worse as you neared the door. After all, these were your idols that you were about to meet. Mainly, you were most nervous to meet Charlie, your current celebrity crush. You wouldn’t describe yourself as obsessed or anything, just a small fascination with his smile and chipper attitude. You couldn’t help it, your feelings for the dork emerged after his first appearance on Charmed and the small crush never really went away after that. Even so, you were determined to not make a fool of yourself.

Your hand met the handle of the door as you heard laughs echoing from inside. Your hands buzzed as you tried to gulp down the intense anxiety stirring through you. You turned the knob after fighting any mental doubts you had and pulled open the door. The sounds of laughter died down and all eyes fell on you. Now your anxiety spiked and you had to hold down the urge to run out of the room. You tried to avoid seeming scared and looked for something to catch your eyes so you wouldn’t freak out. When you finally managed to look around your eyes met another pair. They were intense and bright and you had to almost yell at yourself mentally to realize you were staring a little too long. Tearing your eyes away, you finally managed to see who those eyes belonged to...Charlie Gillespie. “Oh god,” you mentally shouted at yourself.

Everything seemed to go so slow but in reality it had only been a few seconds that your eyes met his. Everyone seemed to now understand that you were a new member and began to get up and introduce themselves. They were all so kind and gentle with you, making sure you weren’t spooked. Social anxiety is a major issue with you, so usually settings like this overstimulated you, however, this was genuinely nice. By the time you became more comfortable goofing around, you could feel a pair of eyes on you. You peered around the room as you spoke and your eyes met Charlie’s once more. You felt small tingles running along your back, and decided to flash him a small smile before continuing on as normal. At some point he joined the group and started conversing with you too.

As the day went on you and Charlie really hit it off as friends and it felt like you guys had been friends for far longer than it seemed. You had already started talking about your childhood, the good memories, that is, and he his own. He wasn’t the only friend you made however. You had gotten really close with Madison and Jeremy.

It has been some time now and you’d come to describe the cast as a family you never anticipated to have. Slowly your comfort levels developed and you started to become more comfortable around the cast, however there was some part of you that still held up reservations of showing who you were. No matter what you couldn’t shake that. Even so, they began to learn your love for reading, your admiration for the show, and how passionate you are as a person.

“I can’t believe your favorite line from the show was that of all things!” Mads teased loudly.

“Can you honestly blame me?” You questioned, flashing her a cheeky smile. You guys had gotten on the topic of season one and you both had started comparing favorite lines from the show. Your heart was currently still stuck on, “This is an interesting little relationship you and I have.” Mads couldn't help but agree that it is a good quote and any girl would swoon being told that. I mean, that scene did cause that crush of yours on Charlie to spiral once more when you first started getting into the show after finishing Charmed a year prior. However, you did try to shove those feelings far far away. You didn’t want any awkward tension or teases from the cast...especially from Madison. That girl would never let you live it down, you blame the gen z matchmaker within her. You couldn’t help but compare the young teen to a little sister and you had grown quite attached to her as you worked together on set. You’d spent most of your days with her at work, and even spent some time outside of work going shopping for squishmallows, thrifting, or even just having small movie nights. You knew one day you’d tell the curly haired Latina your woes. Until then, it was more so sneaky remarks and avoiding any talks of relationships in general. You were glad she was so disinterested in romance due to her career. Even so, you really had to keep it on the downlow, especially after this conversation. You couldn’t have her knowing that it wasn’t just the quote that gave you butterflies in that scene.

“Honestly girl, I’m just excited to see more favorite quotes being posted once this new season is released,” Madison beamed before continuing, “We’ve already gotten so far into filming.”

She was right though. You knew there was going to be more fan art and new content being issued. You honestly couldn’t wait to finally be a part of the mix. You had a huge feeling that fans were either going to be jealous of you, be upset that you ruined their ship, or ship you endlessly with Reggie. Thankfully, the shipping couldn’t be spread to real life because of Jeremy’s marriage. That thought almost made you sigh in relief. Your upcoming scene with Jeremy was actually happening soon and the scene entails to where you first meet after a JATP performance. Your characters are meant to walk right into each other and thus develop into an instant attraction and soon your character’s backstory; why they’re a ghost.

Your response to Madison was a laugh and, “Oh yeah, let's hope it's nothing too crazy...if you get what I mean,” nudging her arm as you went on.

She scrunched her nose and this makes you belt into a laughing spree, to which she begrudgingly joins soon enough. Eventually three figures emerge into view, your favorite ghost boys are back from set. “What are you guys laughing about?” Charlie asked with a chuckle and smile.

“Oh, just the fandom and the interesting things that will be posted once the season is dropped,” Madison joked while emphasizing ‘interesting.’

The boys all groaned but still had huge smiles on their faces while they did so. We all knew sad or ‘spicy’ content would be posted, and no matter how awkward it could sometimes be, we still adored the effort fans put into their works. It was one of the most fulfilling parts of the job; the endless support you receive.

You couldn’t help but smile at the boys. “Honestly guys, I’m excited to see all the stuff that’ll be released,” You expressed excitedly.

You were almost hopping up and down and it took a lot for the group to not laugh at your excitement. They were used to this type of adoration, but they knew you weren't, and they couldn’t help but see a younger version of themselves in you. They all whooped in agreement and you brought the conversation full circle by bringing up favorite quotes. You couldn’t help but admire Charlie as he expressed his favorite scenes, quotes, and memes of the show. The way he expressed himself via his movements, the way his presence radiates, and how passionate he is, made your eyes instinctively glue to him. You knew the group was around and tried to keep your eyes off of him to avoid suspicion. Although, you couldn’t really help the heartfelt stare you shot his way anytime a laugh or smile came from the Canadian.

There were many moments within the month or so it’s been with the dork that had slowly but surely made his way into your heart. After all, you worked on set together, so it was only natural for you both to get as close as you have. You were okay with that for some time until the day you realized your “celeb crush” was much more than a small fascination and was developing into much more. You were a quarter into filming and were currently getting your makeup done before set. Your mind kept wandering while real life slowly faded in and out. Thoughts and the sounds around you blurred together until you felt the tingles through your scalp as your stylist fixed your hair. Now, you could not get this specific memory out of your head; it was as vivid as when you first experienced it.

It was just any other filming day and the cast was on lunch break after having filmed for 5 hours. You were dying to get something to eat or you felt like you’d hurl. So you scurried to the line and ordered your food before rushing to sit down. You were quick to scarf down your food before the rest of the cast could even manage to sit down. Mads sat down and noticed your now empty plate, “Damn girl. Your stomach really went ‘Es hora de comer.’”

You peered up at the girl with a grin and laughed at her tiktok reference. She recently got you caught up on the references, gen z humor, and even set up a tiktok account that you occasionally post on. “I was hungry, miss girl. They do be starving us on the regular,” You whined, “Also, not you teasing me for eating quickly when we both know that you are always eating, especially on Instagram Live.”

Your hint of sass was not missed and Mads makes sure to exaggerate her gasp by making it as loud as possible while clutching her chest. This makes you both burst into a fit of giggles. You weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings before a pair of hands made their way into your hair. A surge of tingles burst along your scalp and upper back. You had a feeling you knew who it was but looked up to confirm the culprit. Of course your eyes met Charlie’s and you couldn’t help but get lost in them for a second; his eyes were always a warmer shade when you peered into them. As the eye contact was made, you could feel his fingers curling into your hair as you let out a giggle and relaxed into his touch. You had gotten used to his affectionate behavior and your heart was quite fond of it now. After all, he’s been doing things like this for a while now. You give him a teasing smile before muttering a simple, “Hey.” He offers you a smile back and asks the famous Joey Tribbiani line, “How you doin’?”

“I’m doing good now that I’m not dying of starvation,” You explained. His response to get under your skin per usual was, “Oh, poor baby~” while ruffling your hair.

You were flustered but decided to scoff at his response. “You may be a tad older than me, C, but this ‘poor baby’ can still kick your ass. Starvation is no laughing matter.”

You were only joking and the brunette could tell too. Even so, his hand tightened in your hair as your threat was still fresh in the air. If it weren’t for Madison laughing, you would have almost forgotten she was there. “You guys bicker like an old married couple,” she taunted.

Ever since that day you’ve craved nothing more than to be something more to him. It didn’t help when his love language is physical touch and he gives you cute nicknames; of course all of these were consented to and talked about. You both had spent time figuring out nicknames and even boundaries; which made you fall even harder for Charlie due to the man’s respect of others. Still, your brain relentlessly argued whether the actions were platonic or not. The memory of his touch still burned your skin with desire, and his eyes always seemed to captivate you, you know if you stared for too long, you’d be a goner. You wanted to tell him how much you loved him, but the impromptu feeling of rejection eased its way into your anxieties and you crumbled before it. So instead you’ve been endlessly daydreaming of what could be for the last month.

Your thoughts were once again interrupted by your stylist as she finished up your hairdo for the next scene you’d be filming. This scene entails a kiss scene with Reggie and you were dreading it entirely. It was bad enough that the man is married, but your feelings for Charlie, and brotherly relationship with Jer just made it worse. You were just hoping you wouldn’t have to reshoot too many times. You made your way to the set and as soon as you made it inside you spotted Charlie out of the crowd. You could already feel the tension throughout the room building. Anyone could see it; the anxiety of the shoot and the way you both stared at each other. You, with hope and him...well, you weren’t sure yet. It’s hard to pinpoint a single word for how he sees you when his eyes are so genuine and open to everyone he meets. You could only ever describe it as a warm feeling. Like, when you get freshly dried blankets out of your drying machine and bundle into them after a long rainy day.

Before you could manage to utter a response, Jeremy, who was at your side, whispers teasingly to you, “I do not like the energy we’ve created in the studio today.”

This broke you from your trance and you bursted into laughter. Of course the rest of the cast was confused at your outburst but you were thankful to have had Jeremy take off some of your stress. Jeremy was just as glad, after all, he noticed how your jaw was clamped tight and your arms were tense when entering the room prior. He took that as a small victory for the day. Of course that also didn’t go unnoticed from the Canadian across the room either.

After some time of filming, a lot of mess ups, and occasional chats, you managed to get to the 2nd to last scene of the day. Your character is arguing with Reggie. Both seemed to be annoyed with the other for avoiding each other. Thus, the scene is an argument. The next visual cues onto you. Your strands of locks were evident along your furrowed brow. Almost as if you were sweating from the heated argument that is occurring within the scene. The scene was written and described to have a lot of sexual tension without having to allude to anything crazy. The next shot is you screaming, “God why can’t you just man up for once and stop avoiding me? You can flirt with all the girls you want but can’t seem to even look me in the eyes. What is wrong with you?!”

After that it is supposed to pan to Reggie. Thus zooming into him with a hurt look all the while he looks from my eyes to my lips. Then he shouts while running up to me and cupping my face, “Because I’m in love with you and it scares me,” then crashing his lips into mine.

We’ve had to shoot this scene twice already for either cringing or messing up a line. However, this shot was the kicker because we both secretly agreed to imagine each other as the person we had feelings for.

The conversion with Jeremy had gone like this after the first few mess ups, “Okay so this isn’t working.”

To which you responded with a sigh, “yeah it’s just too weird...we keep letting our real lives divide us from our characters for this scene.”

He nodded his head in response before scratching his head. “How about we pretend that we aren’t talking to each other OR each other’s characters...and instead someone who holds our heart?” Jeremy offered thoughtfully.

You were shocked to have heard such a smart but scary plan. That’s when you paled, did he know of your crush? Before you could even ask he was quick to the punch. “I know. I figured it out after some time. The stares you gave him were a dead giveaway. I won’t tell anyone, but I think it would be a great way to get your feelings out there without having to subject yourself to that type of scenario right now. Use it for your gain and not your hindrance...if that makes sense?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the goofy brunette. He really was like family to you and he knew more about you than you expected. You were just glad you didn’t have to bottle it up from another person."I'm ready to try again, if you are?" Thus cueing to our now revised and improved scene. The scene now had so much pent up frustration and tension it was addicting to watch. No one could seem to tear their eyes away.

Thus, Kenny yelled cut and everyone was cheering. Everyone except Charlie, that is. You quickly looked at the male, his eyes for the first time since you met him were closed off and had a faraway look to them. Your feelings of dread and worry kicked in and you wondered what was wrong. Maybe you didn’t do the scene right? You weren’t honestly sure what to do in that moment, up until you felt Jeremy’s hand grab your shoulder and shake you slightly. “Hey, you did great! Our plan worked out well,” Jer made sure to mutter that last part.

He was now the only one who 100% knew of your feelings. You speculate that others are starting to catch on but weren’t sure entirely. Your response to him was, “Thanks, Jer. God I wish I could just say that to him myself, to be honest.”

Jeremy got a small chuckle out of that and pats your head before saying, “You’ll be ready one day...maybe sooner than later...mainly after that scene.”

You look at him questioningly before asking, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shook his head and gave you a small smile before walking off. Now you were confused by two males in your life. “God, this is why I usually stick to female friends...at least there’s no riddles with women,” you thought to yourself.

You couldn’t manage to find Charlie after that scene and didn’t find him at all for the rest of the filming day. This aggravated you a lot because you were excited to hear the praise from him the most. After all, that was the most major scene in the entire season for your character. At times like this you wished you had Charlie’s number to just text him and see how he was doing. But even after all these months, you never managed to ask for his number. You guys would just rely on conversation at work. Plus you assumed he was the busy type and wouldn’t be on his phone often anyways. So instead you made your way to Jeremy after a few hours to see if anything was going on. He seemed just as carefree as usual, figures.

"He's been missing since the 2nd to last scene of the day and you're not worried?" You ask Jer.

“No, because you could always shoot him a text. I’m sure he’s alright and just needed time to cool off after filming,” Jeremy says but his voice doesn’t sound so confident. It almost seemed like he was lying.

“I don’t exactly have his number yet, bub,” you grumbled.

Jeremy laughed at your expression and nudged you, “Hey, cut me some slack, I’m trying to help.”

"If you give me his phone number, I might reconsider,” you say with a smirk and gleaming eyes. Jeremy contemplated it but thought it was best that the phone number was earned and not given out by someone else. Consent is key guys.

At some point you gave up searching for the man, “He’s an adult and can handle himself,” you thought.

You made your way to your trailer and you soon heard footsteps approaching you. Owen’s voice interrupted your thoughts, “Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of upset.”

You looked up to the blonde and gave him the sincerest smile you could manage. “Yeah…” your response was off timed and almost broken and was a dead giveaway that it was a lie. You scolded yourself for your horrible acting.

“I can tell you aren’t. Mind if we talk about it?” He asked softly. Of course you couldn’t say no to him, his offer was too sincere and heartfelt.

So instead you sighed and muttered, “Okay but in private. Come into my trailer.” He nodded his head in response and followed you inside.

“Where do I even start?” This was more so a question you were asking yourself and less so him.

“If you have to start with bullet points, that's totally fine,” he offered.

You nodded in relief and began listing your current issues. “Honestly, I’m worried about Charlie. Usually he’s in a chipper mood and always there to support me but today he was off. He looked so spaced out and I haven’t seen him at all since then. I was hoping for some sort of ‘congrats’ I guess. Plus, I’m scared I may have upset him somehow.”

You had sputtered some of the words so fast it took Owen a minute to process. Your anxiety spurred out of haywire as you waited for his response. Once he finally had collected the information and put two and two together, he hadn’t even responded to what you said and instead gasped and blurted, “Oh my god, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”

You couldn't manage to handle another person figuring it out and you froze on spot. A bunch of excuses filled your thoughts but nothing ever managed to come out. So instead you drop your head and offer a small nod to the smart blonde for connecting two and two together. You weren’t the only one now silent, for Owen was now just as shocked and processing what had just happened. Both tried to come up with something to say but fell short until you decided to speak up and say, “It started as a celebrity crush when I was first introduced to the show Charmed and then spiraled as I watched JATP. Now that I’ve gotten closer to him... the feelings aren’t a simple crush anymore. I’ve been trying, and for some reason failing, to keep it on the downlow so that I don’t make things awkward...or worse, ruin what I have with Charlie.”

You sigh and grip your arms before leaning against the wall and continuing, “Today he’s been acting distant with me and I’m not sure what I did wrong.”

Owen stayed silent as you spoke and took time pondering on what he should exactly say. After all, this is a tough situation to be in. “I don’t think it’s you,” he muttered and decided to trail on, “I think he’s just being overworked. Plus he could’ve been worried about your scene looking realistic..like maybe you were genuinely mad.”

You took in his words for a second. He did have a point after all. “Also, to your feelings for him...I was shocked to hear because I assumed it wouldn’t stir up until months later. No offense but you seem to be an oblivious person and I kind of assumed you wouldn’t realize for a while.”

You chuckled and wacked his arm playfully and he laughed as a response. “I think if your feelings become too much, you should talk to someone...or him,” he advised.

“I usually just vent to Jer...and well, now you,” you confessed before finishing with, “If it gets bad I’ll consider talking to Charlie. Until then, this stays between us.”

So now two people knew. Now for Mads to find out. All it takes is for one thing to happen...a failed cast movie night. You had thought of the idea of having a movie night at your apartment with the cast as a way to have a break from set. This allowed for more group bonding without work being involved. You invited everyone, even Charlie. After all, things were fine now. It had been a few weeks since that filming day with Jeremy and at some point Charlie seemed to be alright again. You had originally chosen to drop it and it stayed that way. Now, an hour before the movie night was supposed to commence, your “movie night” group chat buzzed with notifications. Everyone had different excuses for the random bails and last minute decisions. You were disappointed to say the least but accepted the fate. You laid on the couch for a little bit before deciding to pack everything up. That was until you heard a honk come from outside. You saw the familiar vermillion Subaru and the driver’s side tinted window rolled down before a mess of brown waves shot out. The bubbly brunette had a huge smile on his face. That smile of his was contagious and before you knew it your face broke into a large smile as well. You laughed before closing the curtain and rushing to set everything back up.

Soon enough you heard a knock on your door and you hustled to go open the door for Charlie. You whipped the door open and offered the dork a smile before ushering him in. “You didn’t have to go out of your way to come here. Mainly since everyone else bailed.” You said.

He gave you an awkward smile and said, “Yeah...but I wanted to come,” scratching his hair and then finishing with, “Plus it means we can talk about the movie without anyone whining.”

You giggle at him and shake your head slightly. You made your way to the microwave and flopped your popcorn bag into it before pressing the few buttons and starting it. The buzzing sound of the microwave filled the air as you grabbed a drink from the fridge. “Hey,” you called to the brunette that had already made himself comfortable on your couch, “Is there anything specific you want to drink?”

He gave you an answer and you made sure to offer him the drink before getting the popped popcorn from the microwave. You flopped down next to him and grabbed your remote. “Okay so I’m vibing with Halloween movies right now,” You state.

He pops a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth and agrees with the genre. “How about Hocus Pocus?” He offers.

You shake your head no, “I already watched it recently.” He gave you a shocked but pleased look.

“How about….Ooo how about Halloween Town? I grew up with the movies.” You said excitedly. His smile was just as big as yours.

“I grew up watching them too!” He announced gleefully.

So now begins your hours long movie adventure with the two of you. Currently, you both had somehow managed a cuddle position, sadly deemed platonic, where you were lying along his chest and side. You could feel the thumping of his heartbeat as you rested your head in the crook of his shoulder. His breathing was relaxing and kept you from being able to focus on the movie in front of you. At some points within the movie you could feel his thumb tracing circles along your side or arm. Those moments were a lot harder to breathe during and you had a lot of mental battles to make sure you could catch your breath. The snacks were already picked through and your drinks were long forgotten as you appreciated his presence alongside you. His laugh throughout some scenes always seemed addicting to hear and you’d rather listen to that than the movie right now. He always had a smile on his face, especially right now. You both had a good laugh at the cheap SFX makeup and low quality CGI. The acting was always so cheesy but you both couldn’t help but adore the nostalgia. It was nice to have someone else admire a classic with you.

You had moments where you almost could feel his gaze along your features and it took a lot of mental strength to pretend you couldn’t feel the tingles. You were sure you were just imagining things but curiosity kept getting the better of you. So you made a quick glance up at his direction as the movie neared its end. There was a huge smile on your face from the movie moments prior to your realization. Now your eyes met those same intoxicating viridescent ones and the intimate moments began once more. You flashed him a smile before looking back at the movie before you.

At some point at the end you blurted, “You know, if this movie were re-filmed, you would be a much better love interest for the series.” To which he gives you a perplexed look before giving you a crooked grin.

“Why do you say that?” He questioned with a slanted brow.

“Well, because this wouldn’t be the first time you’d be a love interest to a witch,” you started before adding, “as well as you’re amazingly talented at acting as love interests and just acting in general.”

He broke out into a huge grin before excitedly responding, “To be honest, I’d love to star in a remake of a childhood film I enjoyed, so yeah, I wouldn’t mind. I think it’d be fun!”

You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride to know he was just as excited at the concept but also because he agreed with you without judgement. However, you could never admit to him that you also would love to see him play one of the love interests Marnie had because you always put yourself in Marnie’s shoes.

Alas, the movie came to an end and he needed to head home for the night. Begrudgingly getting up from the couch, you both had scrambled to pick up the mess you made. After you both finished, you walked him towards the door and you guys bid each other goodbyes, making sure to ask for each other’s phone numbers in advance. You took a deep exhale once the front door shut. It felt like you had been holding in your breath for the evening. You made your way to the bathroom to do your nightly routine before eventually heading to bed. You stayed up most of the night imagining his eyes, the way his chest shifted up and down when breathing, the gentle beating of his heart in your ears, and the laugh that echoed along the walls of your apartment. These thoughts made you feel warm and whole before eventually falling into a deep sleep.

The next day was busy and filled with life as you had more scenes that needed to be filmed. A lot of the cast kept offering you smiles and seemed more chipper than normal towards you. It was eerie and you kept wondering what they knew that you didn't. You could be wrong but it just didn’t feel right. You kept wondering what everyone knew and was doing before bumping into someone. A mess of dark unruly hair flashed into your perspective and you connected the dots as to who it was. Before you could say anything, she beat you to the punch, "I heard from Charlie that you guys had a movie night together,” Madison stated, almost trying to hint at something more. You had a feeling this possibly correlated with what everyone else was wondering or knew. Great, now everyone was beginning to know of your tragic crush on your coworker.

“Oh yeah we did…” You respond with a smile and hope she’d drop it at that.

“Well? What happened? I want all the details!" Mads pressed cheekily.

You begin your woes with Charlie and how the night had played out. Expressing your admiration for the movie, the things you did together, and even the conversation you had about wanting him to play in a remake.

"The way you flirt is shameful," Madison joked.

“Huh,” You questioned. Her saying that confused you because you never said anything about flirting.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious dude,” Mads admitted while elbowing your side with a grin.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Mads,” You argued with a small smile and teasing stare.

“It’s so obvious that you like him! I just didn’t want to say anything because I thought you hadn’t realized yet.” Mads declared with a knowing smile.

It’s sad to say but she was entirely right. You were horrible from keeping your feelings hidden and her realization just proves that statement. Even so, you were getting a good laugh out of this. “Okay okay, yeah I do and yes it is,” you responded to her statements honestly.

“I knew it! I’m just waiting for the marriage proposal and babies now.” Mads responded with a mischievous grin and hearty chuckle.

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing from her honest and wide stretched ideas. You knew there was a lot of teasing coming your way from now on. You were excited to experience it though, she always offered a good laugh and had great advice. Madison was really developing as her own person and was really mature for her age. You admired that in her. It’s just a little sad that you had to get advice and even be called out by a young teen.

Weeks had passed since the whole cast and Mads situation occurred. Currently, you’ve been chatting with Charlie on the daily over the phone. Whether it be a call or simple text, you always had something to look forward to during the day. Hell, you’d get an occasional meme or tiktok sent your way. There were days when you’d even film some tiktok challenges with him for fun. You had a blast whenever he was around and the comment section of both of your accounts were constantly spammed about your guys’ chemistry. Most people were supportive of your friendship and others were quick to ship you guys. You couldn’t deny that you were flustered by the overwhelming support and fanbase sent your way. Charlie always seemed so excited to read or show you the comments that came strolling in after posting anything with you two.

There were multiple times where you’d make eye contact or your faces would be super close together. Your breath would hitch every time and it took a lot to manage your breathing to be normal. You swore up and down this man made you develop asthma. You couldn’t help it, that man took your breath away. The subtle brushes of his hand on your side or arms were never overlooked. Or the way he’d occasionally grasp your hand when directing you somewhere. You noticed all of these little things he did when he was with you. You tried to brush it off as normal but you couldn't help but hope. Mainly when there were a few romantic challenges that you’ve done together online.

The slowburn was killing you. It was near your last few weeks of filming now. You didn’t know what to expect or think anymore. He is openly intimate with anyone he cares about, so it's hard to differentiate platonic from romantic. That was, until he called you randomly on your day off asking something very important. “Hey,” you can hear a small awkward chuckle before he continues, “There's something I need to get off my chest. I’ve been waiting a while to say this...you are always the one at the back of my mind, and I was wondering if I could take you somewhere...like on a date?”

You were silent for a moment. You didn’t expect that type of question out of the blue; let alone from him. Finally you managed to muster up the courage to respond after a few moments of silence, “Uh yeah! Where would we be going and what time?”

“The first part of your question is a surprise, and 8 pm. Dress cute and comfy.” He announced with a cheerful but playful tone.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his cuteness from over the phone. “Okay, I’ll see you then,” You responded with a goofy tone before hanging up.

Now your anxiety was spiraling. You had to figure out what to wear that could fit any occasion since it's a surprise. You knew it wasn’t some fancy dinner. He was more of the spontaneous adventure type for dates, at least, that what you assumed. So instead, you go for a cute pair of jeans, a cute top and flannel, and a few accessories. You paced around your room while contemplating what would occur tonight. You had an hour before he was coming to pick you up and you were trying to buy yourself time. So, you settled for scrolling tiktok and your other social media feeds. All of your content was booming with new likes, follows, and comments. It put a huge smile on your face from all of the support you were receiving before you heard a knock on your front door.

Before you could even say anything, the brunette was already leaning against the doorway and said with the all knowing accent, “How you doin’?”

You couldn’t help but laugh while hurriedly grabbing your keys and saying, “Oh come on Charlie, that’s so cheesy. You used that as a pickup line, really?”

“Hey hey now, they’ll be plenty more before this is over. You might as well accept it,” he cheekily taunts.

While shaking your head and laughing, you make your way out the door and to his vehicle. You see him rush past you to be at the passenger side before you make it and he opens the door as you get closer. You smiled at the thoughtful action and decided not to mention it just yet. You adjusted yourself into the seat before buckling up and looking at the radio. “Hey, could I use the aux cord to play some music?” You ask quickly.

He looks over at you before nodding his head and handing you the cord. You plug it into your phone before shuffling through your playlists to pick a song. All the while Charlie is pulling out of the apartment complex parking zone. Soon you finally manage to pick a song and immediately click it. You adjusted the volume while waiting for the first tune to come out. Soon enough the song began. “Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da”

You were already goofily singing along and tapping the beat along the dashboard. Soon enough the singing began, “Take a look at my girlfriend. She's the only one I got (ba ba da da) Not much of a girlfriend; I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da). It's been some time since we last spoke. This is gonna sound like a bad joke, but momma I fell in love again. It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend.”

He was staring at you as he sang along to the lyrics; never breaking eye contact as the song continued. You wondered what it would be like to be called his girlfriend and introduced to his family. You’d never met them before but you hear amazing stories all the time from the bubbly brunette beside you.

“And I know it sounds so old, but cupid got me in a chokehold, and I'm afraid I might give in. Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'. I mean she even cooks me pancakes and Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is.”

You pondered what it would be like to have breakfast with him or to be around on his sick days. Those were vulnerable moments in a person’s life and it made you crave that even more.

“We even got a secret handshake”

You guys did have a ‘secret’ handshake. It originated sometime during a tiktok because you thought it would be a great filler moment for one of the videos.

“And she loves the music that my band makes”

You adored JATP and Sunset Curve. You listened to the first season’s Now or Never on repeat. You adored anything that had to do with his voice, honestly. Some of his covers on tiktok and Instagram were shamelessly saved. You’d go back and listen to them when you needed a “pick me up.”

“I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.”

It was true. If any moments with him meant losing time in the day, it was well worth it. Even so, you both were screaming along to these lyrics and had huge smiles the entire time. The chorus played out the speakers and along the walls of the car once more before continuing with, “It's been a while since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast, but dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one. Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son.”

God, you crave the acceptance of his family. It was eating at you constantly. You weren’t even dating the guy yet and already worried for the day you had to prove yourself to the family that helped him become the man he is today. That’s a lot to handle for someone mentally, mainly if they don’t end up liking you. They’re his flesh and blood and you’d never want to come between that.

“And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long, but I promise this is on a whole new plane. I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)”

You pondered for a moment who he might have dated and his love life in general. After all, were you his normal type? Do you have an effect on him? You brushed away the thought as the next lyrics played, “I love it when she calls my phone. She even got her very own ringtone. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)”

You smiled at the thought of him possibly looking forward to your random calls about whatever you were thinking about at the moment. You were always excited to receive a call from him. You’d always hear the ringtone for him which was currently set to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay. After all, he was your yellow. But you did wonder what yours might’ve been on his. Hell, knowing him he’d probably just left it to the generic tone or a funny one.

“It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home, and I open the door, take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor. She'll be back into my arms once more for sure.”

You wished for the day you were together and could experience that level of comfort. Hoping for the day you could come home from a tiring day at work and just bask in the comfort of your partner’s arms. You imagined it for a little while longer while the chorus continued once again. You couldn’t help but space out and daydream for a different time. You knew Charlie was probably looking at you like you were crazy for spacing out randomly but you couldn’t seem to break your thoughts away.

“She's got a smile that would make the most senile, annoying old man bite his tongue. I'm not done. She's got eyes comparable to sunrise and it doesn't stop there. Man, I swear, she's got porcelain skin of course she's a 10, and now she's even got her own song. But movin' on, she's got the cutest laugh I ever heard and we can be on the phone for three hours; not sayin' one word. And I would still cherish every moment, and when I start to build my future she's the main component. Call it dumb, call it luck, call it love, or whatever you call it but everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here.”

You were still in your own little thoughts while these lyrics played. Even when spaced out, you could still see the figure beside you absolutely jamming along to the lyrics like he meant every word. He was so expressive and happy as he sang along. He was in his element and you adored it. You slowly stopped spacing out and focused on the man beside you as he continued to sing along.

Charlie stopped at the red light, just as the last few moments of the chorus played along in the background. You were belting along again and acting out the lyrics in your own charming way. Your hair illuminated from the sun’s warm glare and your skin was shining in an almost ethereal-like way. Your body language screamed serenity and fluidity. He couldn’t help but be enraptured by your free spirit. His gaze was solely focused on you as you sang along, almost as if he was scared to look away for he’d miss a single moment of you. Both parties could feel the positivity and connection radiating off each other. As the song neared its end, you sat back breathless from your little show-stopping performance. You finally turned back to Charlie and you couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed by his expression. It was pure awe and it made you feel flustered. His stare was piercing and shined with adoration. His smile was wider than any other moment you’ve ever experienced with him.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” You asked with a bashful smile while brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

He chuckled before responding, “Can’t I just admire you for a second? I don’t see this often.”

You were confused by his statement at first, that was until you realized what his words truly meant. You had shown a part of yourself that others rarely see, the goofy and open side. Yes, you goofed around with friends and cast members but you still had your timid or closed-off self. However, this is the side of yourself that oozed confidence, and only he got to experience it at this moment. Which was something you’d both treasure from this moment forward. You’d thankfully managed to notice the light had turned green in the nick of time.

“C, the light is green!” You warned but had a huge smile on your face as you said so.

“I know,” he said teasingly while staring at you for a moment longer before driving once more.

You pulled up to the park where you could almost make out something in the distance. It appeared to be a few things laying out on the grass. One of those things being a square shape, probably a blanket. Putting two and two together, you realized it was a picnic date. Your heart swelled at the wholesome idea and admired him for the effort. You hadn’t even seen the entire setup and were already swooning. You look up at him and give him a lovesick smile before he quickly shuffled out of the door and ran to your side. He was a helpless romantic and believed chivalry wasn’t dead. So being the gentleman he was, he opened the door for you and offered you his hand so it would be easier to leave the Subaru. You giggle and say, “such a gentleman.”

He flashes you another smile before saying, “You deserve the world. I may not be able to offer much, but for you, I’ll do anything.”

Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest at the response he gave you. It wasn’t something you were used to from him. It was endearing, to say the least. You both made your way to your picnic spot. A soft blanket and cute basket were laying out. There was even a bouquet of your favorite flowers and his guitar laying along the grass. All of your favorite snacks and drinks were inside the basket. You were giddy as you looked at everything before you. “This is so sweet, C.” you gushed.

“I wanted to prove to you that I take your heart seriously and that I care.” He seemed shy while he spoke but his eyes were open and honest. He meant every word.

“You have nothing to prove, that you haven’t already, Gillespie.” You teased while softly punching his arm.

He playfully hit back as he responded, “I know but I still wanted to.”

“Fair. Okay, what do you want to do?” You asked.

The poor guy blanked for a moment. He seemed at a loss at your question. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I didn’t think I’d get this far,” he admitted.

You laughed before asking, “Why’s that?”

He chuckled before his face switched to a more serious note, “I always thought of you as unobtainable. You were so interesting and motivated and open to others. I didn’t know if you saw me as anything more than a friend. It started as an attraction but soon I had gotten really close with you and it developed into more. By then I was scared that if I said something, I could lose you.”

You were frozen. You didn’t anticipate this type of response. After all, these are only things you’d experience in fanfiction. It made you feel special. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were in public, you’d probably cry. You’d been dying to hear his side and now you finally have.

“In all honesty, I felt the same way. That you were unattainable, that is.” You responded while looking down.

You kept peering down at the blanket before feeling his hand cup your cheek and tilting your head up. Your eyes met his own before the question left his lips, “And why’s that?” By now if any oxygen was entering your lungs, you damn well couldn’t feel it. His gaze was paralyzing and it took a few moments for you to break away from it. You shifted back a bit to give your heart the break it needed before finally speaking up, “Because. You are you. This lovable and goofy guy. You are adventurous and never take no for an answer. You push others to be their best. You never speak of romance and you always seemed more interested in popular celebrities.”

He chuckled at your response. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me, this is embarrassing to admit,” You whined. You tried to hide the small smile making its way onto your face.

“I’m not laughing at you. Just at the thought that we both thought the other wasn’t interested. I mean come on! Oh, and hey, never be embarrassed to be open with me. I say embarrassing things and do embarrassing things all the time.” He opened up.

“Okay, so what’s one thing you are embarrassed to admit?” You asked curiously. The question honestly intrigued you and his response even more so. Plus, it made it easier to avoid continuing the awkward things you said prior.

“I may have tipped everyone off to not come to your movie night months ago so I could finally have alone time with you,” He answered honestly. You were shocked by two things in that sentence; his boldness and that he had done something like that to gain your attention.

“If you wanted to spend time with me, all you had to do was ask!” you shrieked before pushing his shoulder playfully.

You both were laughing and enjoying the honesty. You never expected him to be the sneaky type and plan something like that. However, it did make a lot of sense looking back. Now it was time for him to ask something, and of course, he continued the intimate questionnaires. “Why did you choose to come with me tonight?” he asked curiously.

He seemed invested by your answer but you could tell by his body language that he was a little antsy. He was brushing his arms and shifting his legs a lot while he waited for you to answer. “I thought, well, for once in my life I should make a decision for myself that would be adventurous, put me out of my comfort zone, and just to let me be happy. I didn’t expect you to ever actually ask me out, but I’m glad you did.” You answered honestly.

He seemed bewildered by your response but still broke out into his heart-stopping grin. You really did know how to blow the man away every time you showed another side of yourself. The questions continued for what seemed like hours and it was now dark out. Even so, the conversation was just as lively and Charlie couldn’t help but stare at you. Your eyes were sparkling from the night’s ever glowing moon. He could only gaze at your face and appreciate your features; your lashes hiding the gleam in your eyes and the soft crinkles of your lids. A hearty chuckle belted out of those lips; the ones he so desperately wanted to kiss. As you continued to banter for the rest of the night, he could never manage to tear his eyes away from your face and he liked it that way.

As the conversation continued and got more intimate so did your closeness. Now, his lips are mere centimeters from you; feeling his breath ghost your lips...and all you could manage to describe this moment as is intoxicating. His eyes drifted longingly between your lips and eyes before you could just barely feel his lips lift into a smirk. Just then when all else felt like it had disappeared around you and the pale moonlight lit up your figures, he grasped your waist and the impossible became possible as his hand gripped you and pulled you into a kiss; one that ignited something inside of you, inside of himself. Others always described having the kiss from “the one” as fireworks but in reality, it felt different. Fireworks are quick and go out just as they start...this was something entirely more addicting. You’d describe this kiss as tingly, but not the type of tingles you feel when cold, instead, something that engulfs your entire body and you can’t help but feel weak to it. You fall prey to the feeling of warmth and lightheadedness it offers. All the while trying to manage to gasp for air while you can hear your heart beating in your ears. You were almost entirely sure he could probably feel your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe sometimes slow burn is okay for the plot,” you thought to yourself while still locking lips with the Canadian actor. Was it simply luck that caused you to meet him that fateful day...or was it the universe giving you the answers you needed all your life? The answer is...your spark.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie x reader #x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #third person #jatp fic #coworkers #coworker au #madison reyes #owen joyner #jeremy shada #oneshot #one shot #romance #actor au

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lunaajade · 3 years

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Everything You Need to Know about “Shadow and Bone” on Netflix (*UPDATED: POSSIBLE LANGUAGE OF THORNS ADAPTATION INFO)

Since it’s recently been confirmed that we’d be getting S&B content in a few days (finally!), I thought I’d compile and summarize as much info as I could to refresh everyone’s memories! Please spread the word/share this post to those who aren’t up to date! (I’ve seen some people online who are worried about how it’s going to turn out, and I’d like to be able to hopefully reassure those people)

Now, there’s a LOT of stuff, so there’s always the chance I missed/forgot something. This post will be split up into categories based on type of info, so here we go! I went back and listened to/watched both of the big live streams (NYCC and the S&B Charity Competition), went on the Grishaverse Reddit, etc. to find as much (extra/bonus) stuff as I could. (If I missed anything/got something wrong, please feel free to leave a comment!)

Update: A lot of people have been asking where it was confirmed we were getting content soon. I found out from one of the update accounts I follow.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

General/Key Info About the Show

-This first season will be adapting both “Shadow and Bone” and what has been dubbed a “Book 0″ (most likely meaning prequel/backstory/set-up) for “Six of Crows” -In relation to the above point, the timelines are being brought together for the show. (Normally in the books, the two series are set two years apart)(We don’t know how exactly or what this means for the story, but I have a really interesting theory that I thought up in relation to this, message me if you’d like to hear it.) -Leigh acknowledges and understands that some of us have doubts and are worried about the show, but she has publicly assured us (numerous times) of how much she loves the show and cast, how well she thinks the crew/writers did in bringing the Grishaverse to life, etc. See a later point below in the Facts/Tidbits section -The first season will have 8, one-hour long episodes -Alina has been made half Shu (half Asian) for the show! Leigh stated that was decided on after she and Eric had a lengthy discussion on Alina’s character. -The main cast (as in confirmed to be in all episodes) is comprised of Jessie Mei Li (as Alina), Archie Renaux (as Mal), Ben Barnes (as the Darkling), Freddy Carter (as Kaz), Amita Suman (as Inej), and Kit Young (as Jesper) -Wylan and Nikolai are NOT in the first season. (Nikolai didn’t appear until the second book, and Leigh confirmed that at this point in the story, the Crows had not met Wylan yet.) -Other cast members include Danielle Galligan (as Nina), Calahan Skogman (as Matthias), Daisy Head (as Genya), Sujaya Dasgupta (as Zoya), Luke Pasqualino (as David), Julian Kostov (as Fedyor), Simon Sears (as Ivan), Zoe Wanamaker (as Baghra), and more! -The Darkling will also be called “General Kirigan” in the show. From what we know, The Darkling will be the “enemy” to Ravka (so in essence, General Kirigan is his alias/fake persona (what he’ll most likely be referred to for most of the show), and no one knows that he’s actually their enemy. (Meaning it’ll most likely a super big moment when they learn their general was actually the Darkling in disguise)). -The show was shot on location in Budapest, Hungary. (And additional filming took place this past fall in Vancouver) -In order, the 8 episodes are titled the following: “A Searing Burst of Light”, “We’re All Someone’s Monster”, “The Making at the Heart of the World”, “Otkazat’sya”, “Show Me Who You Are”, “The Heart is An Arrow”, “The Unsea”, & “No Mourners”.

Other (Fun) Facts/Tidbits About the Show

-Upon seeing Jessie’s audition, Leigh loved her audition/portrayal of Alina so much that she apparently stated that she wanted her to play Alina or she’d be out of the project. She was sent five auditions to watch, Jessie’s was the third, and she said she didn’t bother watching the rest of them. -Leigh stated that she and Eric Heisserer (the creator of the show) said they were on the same page from the first meeting. All other past meetings with producers and companies about possible adaptations had left her with a bad feeling, but she said they’d had the same ideas about inclusion, story, staff, etc. She said she’s loved the respect he’s shown towards the work (and, in a way, to us the fans) -Netflix apparently also has the rights to adapt “The Language of Thorns” , though we’ve gotten no info on that adaptation yet. (UPDATE: I just watched a Leigh Bardugo event from Feb 2019 (a few weeks after the show was first announced, I think): As of that day, she said that she thought that they were going to use LoT more for "texture” (IMO that might mean worldbuilding?) in the show. And I don’t know if she was talking about LoT specifically because she was very vague, but she said that there were certain things in the show that she thinks readers will be really excited about. Again, this was over a year ago, back when they were still in pre-production and stuff, so don’t take my word for it. Besides this, I couldn’t find anything else relating to a possible LoT adaptation. Maybe they’ll have the stories from LoT appear as actual folk tales told in the show, and that’s the “adaptation”? IDK. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpHnw8Ygw5c&t=1906s)) -Leigh is an exec. producer on the show! I’m no expert, so I don’t know how much say/power she had in the process, but she definitely had some. -There is a RAVKAN edition of the “Shadow and Bone” book that Leigh says makes a cameo in the show! -Jesper’s guns had custom etchings done on them by a Hungarian antique gunsmith! (And they were so good that Leigh and Eric said that it looked like it belonged in a museum--they were also described to be quite heavy!) -Eric Heisserer is the creator of the show, he is an award-winning writer, well known for “Arrival”, “Bird Box”, and more. (If I remember correctly, Leigh said that he’d reached out to her about making the show!) -A DeKappel painting (maybe the one owned by Van Eck?) was confirmed to be in the pilot episode. -Pekka Rollins and Tante Heleen have been confirmed to be in the first season, but their casting has (up to this point) not yet been revealed. -Bo Yul-Bayur is confirmed to be in the show! (Though Kuwei has not) -Leigh will have a cameo in (I think) Episode 5! She will be wearing a Materialki kefta and will be opening a door, if I remember correctly. -A lot of the crew was also extremely passionate about the project and fans of the books -The “Lives of Saints” book that was published in October is an actual book/prop that is appearing in the show! -I’m personally fine with Mal, but Leigh says that Archie is going to change everyone’s minds with his portrayal! -The costume designer for the show is Wendy Partridge, known for her work on “Thor: The Dark World”, “Pompeii”, and more! -The composer for the show is Joe Trapanese, known for composing for “The Greatest Showman”, “Straight Outta Compton”, “Lady and the Tramp”, and more! At the NYCC Grishaverse panel, they revealed a little bit of the score (”Grisha Theme”): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFxIEbsHKJA

Fun Cast/On Set Stories/Facts

-The cast all loves each other, and are all extremely passionate about this show, which is great! (Leigh said that on her second visit to the set, she heard them singing together) -Leigh says that Ben Barnes once snuck up behind her on her first day on set and scared her by whispering “Fine, make me your villain” -Freddy’s favorite Grishaverse book is “Six of Crows”, but most specifically the first line of chapter 2 (”Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason.”) -Jessie would apparently come to set on some of her days off to support the cast and crew! -Sujaya has stated that her favorite Grishaverse character is Nikolai! (#Zoyalai) -Freddy has become famous/popular with the fandom, one of the reasons being because he often comments on posts/live streams asking something along the lines of “What was it like working with Freddy Carter? xoxo” -Danielle loves Nina and her journey in “King of Scars” -According to a Tweet, Freddy and Leigh said that there had been a scene with “a very pesky gate”--Freddy said that it “wouldn’t be proper to tweet the expletives [he] used that day” and that he thinks he “scarred” Amita and Eric. -Amita’s favorite thing about Inej is her silence, and her favorite Grishaverse book is “Six of Crows” (as of May, where we learned this during a live-stream, she said she’s read it three times and listened to the audiobook twice.) -There was a waffle truck on set on the last day of shooting! -Calahan says that if he could play any other Grishaverse character, he’d want to play Nikolai! -While she did work with the trainer to get more physically fit, Amita learned most of her knife techniques by herself! -Leigh said she cried a lot while on set! (She said there was one scene they were shooting that she has a very clear, vivid memory of writing many years back--based on the context of which she was talking about it, if I had to guess, I’d guess she’s describing the Winter Fete.) -Leigh also said that on one of her first days on set, it was funny/weird to see all the extras in First Army uniforms chilling on their phones, drinking coffee, etc. -One of Calahan’s favorite character dynamics in the books is the dynamic between Kaz and Matthias -There was a moment where Amita was fully in costume and doing amazing, graceful knife work, only to trip and fall when she’d finished. -Amita and Jessie and Sujaya were best friends on set. -Sujaya loved everything about playing Zoya. (Especially her confidence) -Leigh says one of her favorite props was Kaz’s cane, especially because of what it meant to her and the story. -If he could be any Grisha order, Calahan says he’d want to be a Corporalki -Calahan loves Matthias’s journey/arc. -Kit’s favorite Grishaverse book is “Crooked Kingdom”!

Links

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X65iI1YXrbU (NYCC Grishaverse Panel) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHou5rVs6o0 (S&B Talent Show Charity Live Stream ft. the S&B Cast!--the IG video got taken down because Archie deleted his IG account and switched to a new one) -https://www.netflix.com/title/80236319 (”Shadow and Bone” on Netflix!) -https://twitter.com/shadowandbone_ (Official “Shadow and Bone” Twitter!) -https://www.instagram.com/shadowandbone/?hl=en (Official “Shadow and Bone” Instagram!) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRh-Pmbynww (Annoucement made by cast when filming wrapped! (can be found on the social media accounts, but here’s a link to YT)) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bpY8uLtyB4 (A S&B Cast Crack video by HeartPhantom--it highlights a lot of the inside jokes and memes that we’ve gotten to witness among the cast, and also just generally shows off how hilariously chaotic everyone is (this cast is the definition of chaotic good, lol))

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my-bated-breath · 4 years

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Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic

(featured below: a very self-indulgent Zutara post that uses Facts and Evidence to be self-indulgent)

When I joined the ATLA fandom, a common trend I've seen used to discredit Zutara was the belief that upon transitioning from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, Zuko and Katara would immediately become The Worst (TM) for each other. It's quite the stretch, and the Zutara fandom nearly unanimously recognizes that. Still, since the attacks have yet to cease even 15 years after the show’s first release, I'd like to add my two-cents on the subject, along with a reference to actual research that is much harder to dismiss.

The reason why Zutara is framed as a “toxic and unhealthy” relationship is that their romance would be a classic example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, a trope which modern media has not been particularly kind to. However, when executed correctly, enemies-to-lovers can produce a healthy and loving relationship, frequently relying on friendship as an intermediate between the “enemy” and “lover” stages in the most well-executed versions of this trope. Meanwhile, the trope of friends-to-lovers is just as popular as enemies-to-lovers, though the specific dynamic required between two individuals to achieve this transition is not well-known. Recognizing this, Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau, both of whom are involved in relationship-related research as professors at Arizona State University, wrote a research paper on how friendships may transition into romantic relationships.

While “On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” covers a variety of aspects regarding how friends may approach a budding romantic relationship, this meta will focus on the section titled “The Trajectory from Platonic Friendship to Romantic Relationship,” which describes stages of intimacy that are in common between platonic and romantic relationships.

(I am only using this one source for my meta because as much as I love research and argumentative writing, I can only give myself so much more school work before I break. If you wish to see more sources that corroborate the argument from above, refer to the end of this meta at the “Works Cited.”)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect platonic/romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

_____

Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

_____

(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

(Additional note: only the first three definitions will be relevant to this meta, but the other definitions are left in for all of you who want to speculate what the next part of this meta, which may or may not be published the following week, will be about.)

Let’s apply what we just learned back to the real Zuko-Katara relationship we see throughout the show. What attributes of healthy and natural friends-to-lovers dynamics may they check off?

Perceiving similarities:

Zuko and Katara share an astounding number of parallels in background and character throughout the show. Both their mothers had sacrificed their lives to save them, and then there are many deliberate parallels drawn between Zuko and Katara’s confrontations in the Day of Black Sun and The Southern Raiders, respectively. Of course, there are more, but since I do not have much to add to this subject, I’ll say that perceiving these similarities helps contribute to…

Pair rapport:

We see three standout examples of this from the show in which Zuko and Katara “make positive emotional and behavioral responses” towards each other: In the Crossroads of Destiny, the Southern Raiders, and Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

(1) Crossroads of Destiny. Zuko and Katara bond over the loss of their mothers in the Crystal Catacombs, allowing themselves to truly see the other for the first time as well as for them to speak civilly and intimately (is this self-disclosure I see?) with each other. Of course, their conversation (on-screen or off-screen) is meaningful enough for Katara to offer to use the Spirit Oasis water to heal Zuko’s scar.

(2) The Southern Raiders. The journey Zuko and Katara take for her to achieve closure (which is something Zuko himself knew was necessary to heal and grow) is the catalyst for Katara forgiving Zuko. Though there is no true “rapport” in the scene where Katara forgives him, all other banter/conversations (in the Ember Island Players and the ATLA finale) between Katara and Zuko are reliant on the moment she forgives him.

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. In the finale, Zuko experiences a moment of uncertainty before just before he faces his uncle -- his uncle who had always been there for him since the days of his banishment, his uncle had loved him unconditionally even when Zuko did not know that such love was possible, his uncle who loved him like his own son, his uncle who he betrayed in the Crystal Catacombs, his uncle who turned away when he was encased in crystal, too disappointed to look him in the eye. He tells this to Katara -- and what does Katara say to Zuko in response?

“Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

The dialogue speaks for itself. The positive emotional response, the open communication, and the (rightful) encouragement Katara provides, all without invalidating Zuko’s self-doubt, demonstrates the epitome of pair rapport. Further elaboration would simply be me gushing over their dynamic.

Self-disclosure:

Self-disclosure involves revealing intimate feelings. We’re revisiting the same three episodes that we covered up above since they all include self-disclosure.

(1) The Crossroads of Destiny. When he reaches out in the Crystal Catacombs, Zuko reveals something to Katara that he has never told anyone before, perhaps something he didn’t even want to admit to himself -- in response to “the Fire Nation took my mother away from me” he says “that's something we have in common.” And to say that out loud, to say it to himself and Katara when for three whole years he’s been trying to convince himself that the Fire Nation is good and that his father loves him -- there are no words to describe it. It’s both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking to see that Zuko and Katara’s shared pain is what allowed them to see each other as more than the “face of the enemy,” and it’s something so poignant that it forms an immediately profound connection between the two.

(2) The Southern Raiders. On their way to the Fire Nation communications tower on Whale Tail Island, Katara tells the story of her mother’s death, a story that has haunted her memories for years, looming over her as a ghost, a wound that festers into fear to grief to anger. This was the moment that divided Katara’s life into the Before and the After, the one that forced her to abandon childhood and to become a mother to her own brother (as implied by Sokka in his conversation with Toph in the Runaway). And yet this is the first time we see her tell someone her story in the show, full and vivid as if it happened yesterday. Because even though she mentioned her mother before to Aang, Haru, and Jet in order to sympathize with them -- it’s just that. Sympathizing. This time she tells Zuko about her mother’s death for her own sake rather than for another’s. And it’s an incredibly intimate moment, one that is made even more fragile, wrenching, and beautiful by Zuko’s response -- “Your mother was a brave woman.”

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. Throughout the second half of season 3, Zuko shares his love and insecurities regarding Iroh to every member of the GAang.

In the Firebending Masters, he mentions to Aang offhandedly -- and perhaps too offhandedly, as if he didn’t want to believe it himself -- that Iroh, Dragon of the West, received his honorary title for killing the last dragon.

An episode later in part one of the Boiling Rock, Zuko talks about his uncle with near constancy. He brews tea for the GAang and (endearingly) tries retelling “Uncle’s favorite tea joke.” He tells Sokka, “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that… I meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down.” He (fails at, adorably) giving advice to Sokka when the rescue mission to the Boiling Rock has begun to look helpless, asking himself “what would Uncle say?” before completely floundering away.

Then, in the Ember Island Players, he shares a sweet moment with Toph, bitterly spitting out that

“...for me, [the play] takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

Toph, in turn, reveals the thoughtful side to her character, the side that is almost always hidden, telling Zuko that “you have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.”

And every one of these moments matter, because we see Zuko’s inner conflict (though this inner conflict does not exist to the extent at which it did at the first half of season 3) and its evolution. First, with Aang, he remains skeptical and disillusioned. Second, with Sokka, his longing for Iroh’s love and presence manifests itself in him imitating his uncle as well as he can. Third, with Toph, he finally admits everything he had been afraid of ever since he saw Iroh’s empty prison cell during the eclipse -- that Iroh is disappointed in him. That Iroh hates him. That Iroh will never accept him again.

And for a moment, with Toph’s encouraging response and Zuko’s resulting little smile, it appears as though Zuko’s internal conflict arc is concluded. But we are wrong -- because in the finale of the show, we are given the true climax and resolution to Zuko’s insecurities, fears, and self-loathing. And who is it that he shares this moment with?

It speaks volumes about Zuko and Katara’s relationship that Katara is the one to comfort Zuko in this scene, in that last moment of hesitation right before he steps inside his uncle’s tent, preparing himself to see his uncle as a completely changed person. As a person who now knows humility and unconditional love. And remember -- selecting Katara to be in this scene is a deliberate narrative choice because ATLA was written by a team of producers and writers, and perhaps even if it wasn’t, it becomes a powerful moment in which Zuko’s arc with Iroh reaches its peak.

Simply having Katara there in this scene already has such a great narrative impact, but then the show gives us some of the most intimate dialogue that Zuko, a naturally closed-off person, delivers (although his emotional outbursts may suggest otherwise, Zuko tends to hide most of his internally conflicting feelings to himself. Hence, he is always able to dramatically monologue about his honor, his country, and his throne -- because he’s trying to convince himself to play a part. But that’s another meta for another day).

Let’s begin by comparing Toph and Zuko’s dialogue with Katara and Zuko’s dialogue because both see the other party validating Zuko’s feelings.

(Warning: the following section plunges deep into the realm of speculation and overanalyzing dialogue. Regarding literature or any media, there are countless ways to interpret the source material, and this is simply one way it could be done.)

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue:

Toph: Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!

Zuko: You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks.

Toph: Yeah, that's pretty great!

Zuko: But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.

_____

Although Toph and Zuko’s dynamic is one of the most innocent and understanding throughout the show, the conversation begins with Toph joking with a negative connotation -- that “even [Zuko seemed] more down than usual, and that’s saying something!” Thus, the conversation opener is not one that allows for Zuko to easily be emotionally vulnerable, and so he responds bitterly and angrily -- “You don’t get it, it’s different for you” and “...and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back.” By stating that their portrayals in the shows were different, Zuko mentally places a wall between himself and Toph, saying that “[Toph doesn’t] get it.” Then, the rhetorical question Zuko asks himself and the shortness with which he answers the question showcases a forceful and biting tone, indicating that he is covering up his inner turmoil with vehemence. This tendency is something we’ve seen Zuko default to before, whenever he had shouted the oft-mocked “I must restore my honor!” lines in response to a few introspective questions Iroh had asked (though once again, that’s another meta for another day). Now, let’s examine the remainder of their conversation.

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.

Zuko: How do you know?

Toph: Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you.

Zuko: Really?

Toph: Yeah, and it was kind of annoying.

Zuko: Oh, sorry.

_____

Here we see Toph and Zuko’s conversation take a more serious turn as Toph becomes more sincere. Zuko, however, is still full of self-doubt as he is constantly questioning Toph with “how do you know?” and “really” and “oh, sorry.”

(featured up above: Zuko looking dejected and doubtful.)

Still, the conversation ends on a sweet and inspiring note:

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud.

_____

Hence, though Zuko and Toph’s conversation displays a heartening and hopeful dynamic, Zuko is ultimately still guarded for the majority of their conversation. Now, let’s look at how Katara approaches Zuko in the Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

_____

Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters Dialogue:

Katara: Are you okay?

Zuko: No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?

Katara: Zuko, you're sorry for what you did, right?

Zuko: More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.

_____

In direct contrast to the conversation opener with Toph, Katara begins to engage Zuko with an openly concerned question. And even though Katara never disappointed an Iroh-figure in her life in the way Zuko has, Zuko immediately doesn’t close himself off from her, he doesn’t create a wall that prevents him from revealing his deepest fears to her. During this scene, he neither sounds bitter or angry -- he sounds lost, doubtful, and afraid (perhaps even afraid to hope). This shift in tone is blatant in his voice (thanks to Dante Basco’s line delivery) but even with nothing but the written dialogue, we can note the difference in which he describes his turmoil to Toph and as compared to Katara:

With Toph: “But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

With Katara: “No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

With Katara, the underlying bitterness from his conversation with Toph is toned down to the point of nonexistence, though a part of it is still there. With Toph, Zuko says, “it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, and shoves them back in my face,” which is a rather incensed statement. Meanwhile, by saying, “no, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it,” Zuko directly addresses his self-loathing without the use of language such as “shoves them back in my face,” the latter of which is reminiscent of how individuals may unthinkingly reveal information in a sudden emotional outburst.

Then, when Katara asks him if he’s sorry for what he did, the words come easily to Zuko, the most easily he admits to his own mistakes after three years of not admitting anything truthful to himself: “More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.”

And Katara, just as Toph did, says with the utmost confidence and sincerity, “Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

This moment of affirmation that runs parallel between both dialogues is where Zuko’s responses begin to diverge. Whereas Zuko reacts to Toph with disbelief and doubt, this is how he reacts once he hears Katara’s words:

He takes Katara’s words to heart and accepts them. Because out of all the GAang, Katara is the one who knows the most about forgiving him, who most keenly feels the change he underwent since his betrayal in the catacombs. And so he stands, still nervous but no longer afraid, facing forward towards the future instead of back into his past.

Iroh and Zuko’s relationship is one of the most important ones throughout the entire show, so to see Katara play a pivotal role in a critical point in their dynamic shows just how important Katara’s character is to Zuko (and vice versa, though in here I do touch upon the former in more detail).

Although my analysis on the self-disclosure between Zuko and Katara may have run away from me a bit (due to my love for far-too-in-depth critical analysis), these all show an undeniable bond between Zuko and Katara, displaying a profound friendship rooted in narrative parallels, mutual understanding, and interwoven character arcs. Ultimately, their fulfillment of perceived similarities, pair rapport, and (the one I rambled most on) self-disclosure is what establishes Zuko and Katara as not just a strong platonic bond -- but one that has the potential to transition into a romantic one.

Thus concludes my essay on Zutara’s friendship and its connection with the initial stages of intimacy that are shared between both platonic and romantic bonds. After all that analysis, it would be remiss to simply dismiss the Zutara dynamic as one that would instantly become toxic should they pursue a romantic relationship.

That being said, I will explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara and how this connects to the latter stages of intimacy -- role-taking, interpersonal role fit, and dyadic crystallization -- in part 2 of this meta-analysis. Click on the link if you want to read it!

Part 2

Works Cited

(only partially in MLA 8 format because I want to live a little)

Close Relationships: A Sourcebook. By Clyde A. Hendrick & Susan S. Hendrick. Link

“Nonverbal behavior in intimate interactions and intimate relationships.” By P.A Andersen, Laura K. Guerrero, & Susanne M. Jones. Link

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends’: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship.” By Laura K. Guerrero & Paul A. Mongeau. Link

The Psychology of Intimacy (The Guilford Series on Personal Relationships). By Karen J. Prager. Link

(If you check some of these links, you may note a few of these sources have been cited quite a few times. With just a bit more research, it appears possible to find a plethora of other sources to corroborate the theory of shared platonic-romantic intimacies.)

Thank you all for reading!

#atla #atla meta #zutara #zutara meta #my bated breath analyzes #research on relationship intimacy #influenced by academic writing #i have more metas coming soon #but until then you can find that i do other writing as well #like fanfiction #check out my fanfiction on the My Writing tab on my blog #please like and reblog to prove Zutara with Facts and Evidence everyone #my bated breath's posts

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