#ill watch the rest of the last episode and scream about it i promise. but in the meantime. i will continue dunking on imogen. bc of course. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strangernstranger · 1 year

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Right Place and Time

Eddie x Chronically ill fem reader (Requested)

Summary: Fate was kind to you that day. After another one of your fainting episodes, you wake up to see none other than Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson waiting by your side. After hearing how he came to your rescue in your time of need, you two begin spending lots of time together. (Fluff and Angst. Descriptions of fainting.)

Inbox is still open for requests :)

———

Eddie sat outside the principal’s office, swinging his leg over the bench as he awaited his turn for punishment. A process he had become familiar with over the years. It was a lot of the same every time. The principal would read the referral, express how ‘deeply disappointed’ he was in Eddie then offset his scolding by telling him what a ‘promising young man’ he was before undoubtedly sentencing him to detention. Just a few steps down the hall, you rummaged through your locker in search of a due assignment.

“I did it! I know it’s here!” You whispered to yourself as you frantically shuffled through a mess of papers. Eddie watched, amused by your struggle. It provided some much needed entertainment during his otherwise boring wait. “Shit!” You hissed, dropping a book flat on the ground. You dipped down to collect it but must’ve stood up too fast. Eddie noticed the subtle sway upon your standing. He saw you grip your locker door to steady yourself.

“Hey! You okay?” Eddie sat up in his seat. Something was wrong, that was obvious.

“I’m ju-just feeling a little dizzy.” You couldn’t see the man asking but he immediately rushed to your side, hearing the shakiness in your voice. In an instant, you were gone.

“Oh shit!” Eddie quickly pulled you into him as your legs gave way. With arms around you, he dropped to the floor, his knees taking the brunt of the fall. You were completely unconscious, the back of your head resting against Eddie’s stomach while the upper portion of your body laid in his lap. “C’mon, wake up, wake up!” He tapped your cheek with his ringed hand hoping to coax you back to consciousness but to no avail. He lightly touched his fingers to your neck, relieved to feel the steady beat of your heart. With no clue what had happened or what to do his eyes searched desperately for someone, anyone who could help. Everyone else was in class, no one was coming. Eddie didn’t want to waste another second. “Alright. C’mon.” He whispered despite you not being able to hear him. He slid one arm under your legs, another behind your head to carry your limp body. “I’m gonna get you some help.”

———

You blinked harshly at the fluorescents as you came to. You sat up slowly, taking in your surroundings. You were laid up in the nurse’s office.

“Nice to see you again, miss l/n” She joked. This wasn’t your first time being here and it wouldn’t be your last.

“How long was I out this time?” You groaned, still feeling groggy.

“About 7 minutes I’d say. But Mr. Munson here brought you in with record time.” She gave Eddie an admirable nod before leaving to write you out an excuse. He could’ve left. The nurse assured him you would be okay but instead he waited. He was still a little shaken up by the incident but was relieved to see you awake. You rubbed your eyes to see Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson sitting across the room.

“It’s alive!” His hands shot above his head. The chain around his wrist jingled with the motion. You looked at him almost in disbelief. You two had never even talked. You always found Eddie sort of intimidating with his edgy style of dress, macabre interest and startling behavior (climbing on tables, screaming at other students for a laugh, ect.) You squinted at the man in confusion.

“Wh-what happened? How’d I get here?”

“Well, uh…you completely checked out. I saved you from going splat then I carried you here.” His brown eyes peered up at the ceiling as he recounted the incident.

“…oh.” That was the only word you could manage. Of all people to come to your rescue, Eddie Munson would’ve been one of the last people you’d expect.

“So…you wanna tell me what happened or…?” Eddie was genuine in his concern. You looked so vulnerable lying in his arms. He worried for you.

“POTS.” You replied simply.

“Pot?!” Eddie’s brows shot sky high. He had partook in the green MANY times and never passed out like that.

“No, no!” You giggled. “POTS. It’s a medical condition. Causes me to faint.”

“Oooh POTS.” He nodded. The nods quickly shifted to a shake from left to right. “I have no idea what that is. Buuut maybe you could tell me more about it…pretty, fainting girl.” Eddie’s dimples deepened into a charming smile.

———

That afternoon, Eddie walked you home. Your books tucked under his arm like a gentleman while you explained your condition. He frowned upon hearing the frequency of your fainting episodes, his puppy dog eyes peering down at you.

“It is what it is.” You shrugged. You weren’t the type to feel sorry for yourself. This was the only life you had ever known. Maybe things weren’t ideal but you were still grateful to be alive. Little moments like this reminded you of that fact. The midday sun illuminated Eddie’s features perfectly. You never really noticed how beautiful he truly was.

“I think I know what you need.” His lips curled at the corners, eyes still locked on you.

“Oh yea? What’s that?”

“You need a bodyguard. Y’know, someone to keep close just incase you conk out. It just so happens I make a pretty good landing pad.” His proposition wasn’t subtle in the least which you actually found strangely attractive.

“How are your knees?” You scrunched your face feeling guilty for what had happened.

“Oh they’re definitely bruised, but it’s fine. Small price to pay to save a damsel in distress.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“My hero.” You clasped your hands over your heart which made Eddie laugh. “Your services as a bodyguard might actually be helpful, but how will you know when I need you?”

“I won’t. I’ll just have to follow you everywhere you go.”

“Deal.”

And just like that, you and Eddie became inseparable. He walked you from class to class. Saved you a seat at lunch everyday and even drove you home after school. He learned your triggers as well as little ways to manage your condition like keeping salty snacks in his van for you or reminding you not to stay stationary for too long. It was always the plan to spend as much time with you as possible. Acting as your service dog provided endless opportunities for Eddie to get to know the girl behind the beautiful face as well as show he wasn’t the polarizing person the students of Hawkins painted him to be. You quickly came to realize he wasn’t scary at all. He was funny, gentle. Even charming. After each an every episode, you awoke to Eddie stroking your hair, tucking pieces behind your ear as you laid across his lap. His deep, warm eyes welcoming you back to reality with a smile. He became your biggest source of comfort. Just as Eddie had hoped, you became a couple before too long. The Freak and the Fainter his Hellfire friends called you which you found amusing.

You often accompanied Eddie to his D&D nights, playing mediator between the captivated party and the merciless dungeon master.

“Oh my God, we’re fucked.” Dustin panicked. Eddie had just released a zombie hoard upon his friends. All of which were low on HP. “We are so FUCKED!” He screeched.

“Maybe not! We just need to strategize!” Lucas feigned hopefulness while Eddie chuckled darkly at their dismay.

“Gentlemen, I would have to agree with Henderson here in saying….you’re totally fucked. You fought valiantly but let’s not delay the inevitable.”

“Eddie, come on. Aren’t you the least bit interested in seeing what they can come up with? You gotta give them a chance!” Your eyes pleaded with him while you rested your hand on his knee. He was such a sucker for you. Eddie was wrapped around your finger and you knew it. His dungeon master persona began to falter. Jeff mouthed a grateful ‘thank you’ from across the table.

“Fine. You’ve got three minute. Devise your plan, then it’s judgment day.” He turned over a small hourglass. The sand trickled down grain by grain.

“Where’s my notebook? WHERES MY GODDAMN NOTEBOOK!? I NEED TO WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN!” Dustin yelled. Time was of the essence. You were invested at this point.

“There’s some in the supply closet!” You rushed there and immediately began scanning the shelves for the extra pads of paper. You spotted them on the top shelf. You stretched your arms high but they were just out of reach. The party was huddled, speaking in whispers while Eddie watched them arrogantly. You felt the pressure on you when you glanced at the hourglass. Just a little further, you thought. You stood on your tip toes and craned as tall as you could. Your fingers were finally able to graze the corner of a notepad but then it hit you. Overcome with a dizzy sensation, your vision blurred. Your head felt heavy and your knees weak. Eddie was so caught up in watching his friends scramble for options, he hadn’t even noticed you were having an episode. A loud thud followed by the crashing of supplies struck everyone’s attention, all turning their heads to the closet.

“NoNoNoNoNo!” Eddie practically jumped out of his chair to get to you. You were out cold, a small cut bleeding on your forehead. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He scooped you up in his arms and brought you out to where everyone else stood and waited.

“She must’ve fainted again.” Mike deduced.

“Yea, no shit, Wheeler.” Eddie snapped. “I didn’t think! I wasn’t thinking that she- Oh man, I messed up!” Eddie dabbed at your cut with his sleeve. He cradled you while rocking back and forth as he waited for the moment to pass. The minutes felt like hours. The party members were scared. They had never seen Eddie so shaken up before. “Its been almost 15 minutes! She’s never out this long, man!” Guilt was consuming Eddie while he looked at your unconscious form. He should’ve been there to catch you. What if something is terribly wrong this time and it’s all his fault?

“What should we do!?” Mike questioned frantically.

“Call an ambulance! We gotta get here somewhere! She’s not okay! This isn’t okay!” Eddie’s voice was broken. He held back tears. He was scared. Gareth ran to a phone and called the emergency line.

“Our friend, she-she passed out! She’s not waking up!” Eddie bit his lips harshly as he listened to Garett on the phone.

“Please, Y/N. Please wake up.” Eddie pulled you tightly to his chest and rested his chin on your head. Everyone watched the two of you, rocking back and forth on the floor. A small twitch animated your left hand which otherwise hung limp from your body.

“Eddie! I think she’s waking up!” Dustin pointed to your hand. Eddie noticed the motion and started tapping at your cheeks.

“C’mon, Sweetheart. You gotta get up. Wake up for me, please?” Your hand lifted to rest against Eddie’s chest.

“Wh-what-” You pried your eyes open to see Eddie’s tearful face hovering above you. “Passed out?” You weakly question. Gareth informed the person on the phone you were waking up, the ambulance wouldn’t be necessary.

“Yea…you passed out big time.” Eddie exhaled a small chuckle. “I didn’t catch you…I wasn’t there.” He was so remorseful. He half expected you to be disappointed in him for not being there when you needed him most. You blinked, swimming in your own aching head. A smile crept to your face.

“Better luck next time.”

Eddie put the remainder of his campaign on hold. You joked with the boys that you were proving them the ultimate distraction so they could escape Eddie’s clutches. They just didn’t utilize it properly. You were so tired after all that, you could barely stand. You wrapped your arms around Eddie’s neck while he carried to his van. He grabbed a bandaid from the glove compartment for your head, applying it with the upmost care.

“Does it hurt?”

“Stings.” You winced. Eddie placed a bottle of water in your hands and a kiss to your cheek.

“Let’s get you home.”

———

He carried you up the stairs bridal style. Once in your room he pulled back the cream colored comforter on your bed and helped you slide beneath its warmth.

“Did I scare you?” You asked, your voice small and exhausted.

“That was terrifying.” Eddie laughed. He had finally calmed down from the ordeal and was able to smile again. He pulled the blanket over you, tucking it snugly along your sides. “I thought I fucked up big time. I was scared you weren’t gonna wake up.”

“Eddie…it’s gonna happen again. As much as you might want to, you can’t be there every time it happens. Nor do I expect you to.” You touched your finger tips to his cheek. “It’s okay.” Eddie grabbed your hand, pressing a small kiss along the back of it. “Will you stay? I kinda don’t feel like being alone.” It wasn’t a question the even needed to be answered. Eddie kicked off his shoes and laid down next to you over the blankets. You smiled at his perfect face, just inches away from yours. Eddie kissed you softly amid the light’s warm, yellow glow. Your eyes grew heavier with each slow blink. Eddie played with your hair as you drifted off. Maybe he couldn’t be with you all the time, but he’d be there whenever you wanted him.

#Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson fic #Eddie Munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #Eddie Munson x fem reader #Eddie Munson fluff #Eddie Munson angst #Eddie Munson request

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misslisamiray · 17 days

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Hiii, Tumblr! I promised weekly exceprts from Down With the Rickness until the actual, full fic is up, so here we go! Today's excerpt involves Jerry's *brilliant* plan (aka, more absolute nonsense poor Morty has to deal with.) Enjoy!

"Your plan to help Rick feel better is... old anime VHS tapes? I mean... okay? Maybe it would distract him or cheer him up a little. He'd probably enjoy some, maybe even most of this stuff. That's actually not a bad idea, Dad. But it's also not a priority." Morty said.

"You misunderstand. I'm not looking for something for Rick to watch. I'm looking for something I need to watch. And once I do, then I'll know exactly how to help your grandfather." Jerry replied matter of factly.

After standing there for a moment, dumbfounded and not knowing what to say to that, Morty finally asked, "So, your big, great plan is to spend the day going through these boxes, then watching Sailor Moon? And that's supposed to teach you... something relevant to our current situation?"

"It's not going to take me all day, Morty. If your mom and I had done a better job of putting these tapes away, I'd already have what I need. And it's not as if I could watch all 200 episodes and 3 movies in a single day even if I tried. No, there's just one specific episode I need to find. I know it's technically a 'filler' episode, but it's a classic. Episode 71 of the original English dub, No Thanks, Nurse Venus! The bad guys infect the city with a flu virus as part of their evil plan, and all of the Sailor Scouts are down with it - except one." Jerry explained, his voice taking on a sing-songy tone at the last part.

"From the title, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's Sailor Venus?" Morty said, the urge to scream growing by the second.

"That's right, Morty! For some reason, she and Artemis - that's her mentor/talking cat - remain completely fine, so Mina sets out to nurse the rest of the team back to health. She's honestly terrible at it, but she means so, so well." Jerry replied fondly.

"Dad, I - where do I even start listing everything that's wrong with this 'plan' of yours?! 1, that sounds more like a magic spell than an actual virus. 2, you can't learn anything about treating an illness by watching an old anime episode, and, and..." Morty sputtered.

"Oh, Morty. It's because I told you it's a filler episode, isn't it? Or maybe because I specifically need to watch the old DiC dub? For someone with only the most basic understanding of Sailor Moon, you really don't have any business being a snobby purist. And for your information, Mister, this episode is so good that even people who normally are snobs about that sort of thing enjoy it." Jerry said, shaking his head and giving his son a disappointed look.

#fanfiction #rick and morty fanfiction #fanfic excerpt #my writing #my fic #jerry smith #morty smith #i am having entirely too much fun with this nonsense #i love how it's canon that most if not all of the family are some degree of weeb #and that they still own & use a VCR #this weeb who also still owns & uses a VCR is greatly enjoying being able to incorporate these things #sickfic

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saberstars · 3 years

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I'm Here

Pairing: Gender Neutral Y/N & Loki

Fluff, angst, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of depression/mental illness, epilepsy/seizures, mentions of sex, as always if I missed anything feel free to let me know

Summary: Loki & You have a pre-existing friendship with benefits & one night you have a seizure after some spiciness. He cares for you helping you afterwards & makes sure you rest easy & safe. Reader is portrayed to have seizures more so during changes in sleep phases, not awake. The wake seizures or more of a medium ish absence/ focal aware seizure that only occur on occasion & can be “fought” through.

Word Count: 1796

Notes: This was intended to be a gender neutral reader. I think I removed all he/she pronouns.

Additionally, I know that not everyone experiences seizures the same way, and that epilepsy can affect people differently. This is all written from my experiences with it, so I ask that you do not tell me I portrayed something wrong. I can and will accept constructive criticism, But I will not accept someone telling me blatantly that I am wrong with my experiences. Therefore please keep that in mind when reading. I genuinely hope this fic brings others comfort if you suffer from epilepsy or any disorder that causes seizures. Thank You <3

It’s been three years since you found out you suffered from epilepsy. A diagnosis that came late in your life to be fair. As a young child up until you reached adulthood, you suffered from eye shakes that would eventually turn into stuttering spells that made it difficult to breath or not breath properly at all. You never passed out though, you got close a few times, but you managed to stay awake and “fight it off.” You started to notice over time that you’d also get a strange taste in your mouth, almost like metal or as if you were sucking on a battery and it had that zing flavor. You knew that was a precursor and would panic on cue rightfully so. You hated when you had your mini stutter fests because all you could do was hope it didn’t happen.

Of course you complained to your parents as a child but they didn’t think it was anything. They said it was just a panic attack. So you took their word for it. That was until you started having grand mals in your sleep. At first you thought they were just a part of some strange dream, that wasn't real to you, not yet anyway. You would wake up exhausted, sore, sometimes unable to move properly, walk, open and close a fist, and you just overall couldn't stay conscious sometimes. Again you complained to your parents about it, but they said it was nothing. You probably had night terrors or some form of minor sleep paralysis. So you dumbly believed them.

When you moved out, You sought answers, and eventually got them. You were grateful. The medication they prescribed helped tremendously though, it did make you tired but it was worth not having your episodes. Thankfully your case wasn’t as severe as others and it was manageable so long as you took care of yourself and took your medications. Though you were warned, breakthroughs were common, and missing your dose can and would cause a seizure.

Despite having such a diagnosis, you kept it to yourself. You never really told anyone. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with a friend, that you finally divulged your secret too in the event that it ever happened whilst they were with you.

It was someone you randomly slept with on and off with. A friend with benefits, his name was Loki. You had met the god shortly after his father had passed and his home, destroyed. You found comfort with each other despite it being more of a sexual comfort. You both used sex as a way to fight your own demons, a distraction, a quick grab at serotonin. Despite the sex you both developed a very deep friendship. You’d read together on occasion, have very interesting debates on current events, history, as well as other nuances, and a lot of other things. You even met his brother and the avengers at one point.

You both slept soundly after spicy events had taken place 2 hours prior, Loki had come over desperate for attention of any kind. He didn’t say why, but you knew it was a rather serious topic he wished not to discuss and rather lessen the pain with ecstasy. Little did you know, on this day a few years ago he indirectly murdered his mother. He blamed himself dearly, he knew if he would have kept his mouth shut for once in his life she may be here today. So he needed a genuine distraction. One of any kind. Preferable you. Due to the spicy events that took place you missed your dose, due to falling asleep promptly after, which cost you dearly. Missing doses always caused this to happen no matter what.

You gasped for air like usual, your body contorting outwards first with a thrust. You were awake, conscious, and terrified for the few seconds you normally were given before blacking out. You began to stutter violently all the air leaving your lungs as it happened. Until no sounds were made and it was just you chattering. Loki woke immediately, with a completely calm exterior despite a raging mixture of emotions internally. He knew you never called an ambulance for these things because you were normally alone & unaware until you became conscious again. She made him promise to never call 911 unless it was over a certain time length, to save her medical expenses, or unless she stopped breathing for good.

Loki dare not touch you though as you shook and curled up. The last thing he wanted was his godly strength to crush you somehow or cause you more pain. Instead he watched and hovered until you finally stopped. It was a short 50 second one, which was under your time limit, but he still debated calling. It’s not like You would’ve known he lied.

His breathing hitched as he went to check your pulse and airway, ever so delicately, which were both clear and strong.

“Oh thank you.” he whispered

A few hours had slid by with still no response from you. Loki sat next to you, staring down at you, to the point where he would fight the urge to blink, waiting for a stir of some kind from you. He did give the courtesy of redressing you though, in a nightgown from a drawer after an hour slid past. He even went as far as ensuring that you were adequately covered by the blankets to avoid being chilled. It has been 3 ½ hours now, with no stir of any kind from you. He knew it would be awhile before you showed any signs of movement possibly but this worry tore him to his core. In the midst of waiting he refused to just idly go back to sleep next to you, he was determined to stay awake until you were conscious again, so that you knew, he stayed there waiting for you. Loki didn’t know when he found himself talking to you as if you were awake, but all he knew was that it made him feel a bit better, and he hoped that when you woke it would make you feel better too.

“You know, I’ve been reading this really dumb gothic romance novel. I think you’d like it because of how naive the girl is. I know you like to criticize and pick on how they make decisions.” he spoke with a chuckle in his voice thinking back to how you’d flail your arms and drop your book to scream about how dumb some main protagnist could be.

“I'll have to buy you a copy or give you mine when I’m done.” Loki shifted his weight from his right to his left brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep those so long, all they do is get in the way of your gorgeous eyes.”

It was in that moment you rustled, you shifted your neck ever so slightly, Your eyelids twitch. Loki leaned forward parting his lips as he watched with a heart of hope completely overwhelmed with joy when he saw the color of your iris’s. He exhaled a shaky breath cupping your cheeks which caused you to flinch sending a wave of shocks through your body. It was at that moment you knew. You knew what he saw, what he had gone through. Your heart sank and you immediately berated yourself internally despite your exhausted state.

“It’s ok you don’t have to say or do anything. I’ll stay, I’ll take care of you for as long as you need.” Loki assured you, wanting you to know that you didn’t have to go through this alone. You never really had anyone stay, let alone worry about you. Your eyes began to water as tears rolled down your face.

“I’ll go grab you some water, you’re probably parched. I’ll also grab you a banana. I read that potassium can help with the cramping.” Loki said leaving to yourself for a moment. He also grabbed tissues for your eyes and nose just in case. Upon returning her placed everything at your side offering help to sit up. “Do you need to use the bathroom or help sitting up?” He asked with a gentle tone.

You nodded trying to take a good deep breath so you could speak a bit. “I’m so sorry you had to see that… but thank you. Thank you for staying, for helping. I do need the bathroom and I would appreciate help. My legs are still...” you mustered out with all your might but after a point your tongue refused to work with you.

“Of course, I may be a monster but I’m not entirely cruel. If it helps… you can just think to yourself and I can listen that way. So that you're not struggling too much.” Loki admitted with a tone of self depreciation.

“You're not a monster just because you're different & have made mistakes.” you thought as Loki picked you up bridal style walking you to the bathroom. Of course he placed you down on the toilet and waited outside for you to do what you needed. Since he had only added a nightgown to your previously naked body it made things easier. It was exhausting to just sit up and do everything but you pushed through. You even pushed yourself up and limped to the sink best you could to wash your hands. Upon hearing the faucet though Loki came back in standing behind you offering support if needed.

“Catch me~” you thought before falling back into his arms with a snort.

“You're lucky I have godlike reflexes you minx.” He replied with a hint of flirtation. You had used more than you had in you to wash your hand. Loki caught you obviously and carried you back to the room placing you back on the bed. “No, more like I knew you were ready to catch me.” you slowly thought as exhaustion tugged at your consciousness again. Loki noticed the pill bottle on your dresser before prompting you to take it. Instinctively opening it and sliding one into his hand.

“You should probably take this before you fall asleep.” You took it mentally saying thanks drinking the glass of water with it.

“Yeah that would probably help avoid some added breakdancing.” You joked trying to use humor to lighten the situation. Loki stared plain faced trying not to entertain your joke though, despite finding it secretly witty. Maybe he’d laugh at it when you felt a bit better. Soon after you began to dance between awake and sleep. Loki took note based on how your thoughts jumbled around between multiple things, laughing to himself a bit before minor intrusive fears began picking at you. Loki immediately jumped into action in an attempt to squash them soothing you a bit.

“You can sleep soundly, please get some rest. You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake out of fear or guilt.” Loki spoke in the most caring and sweet tone he could muster up. Trying to convince you that it was going to be ok & it worked. Somehow you knew he was right & that you could trust him completely. You drifted back to sleep peacefully thinking about how for the first time in your life, you didn’t fear sleeping in your bed. You didn’t have intrusive thoughts about whether or not you’d wake up in the morning or not. Which honestly brought tears bubbling their way up and out of Loki's eyes. The amount of trust you had in him in your thoughts, at that moment completely took his breath away. And that was something he wasn’t going to break or ever lose.

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riathedreamer · 3 years

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Zero is Null

A discussion of Zero’s love-hate-relationship with RvB and struggling independence; including a hotdog too big for the bun, tragic backstories, a single bow-chicka-bow-wow, and a cookie at the very end.

Welcome to what will be a lot of text. Basically, it will explore why Zero fails as an RvB (with emphasis on RvB) season. I will not be the first one to bring forth some of the points, and I promise to be fair and civil and fun. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of hate – in fact, I’m writing this because I love Red vs. Blue.

Okay, first of all, to increase your fun – take a guess on just how much of Zero is spent on fight scenes. You see, I’ve calculated the exact amount, and I will reveal it later, but for now, take a guess and remember the number. Maybe you are the winner!

Alright, time to share my thoughts. Wait! Since I suffer from anxiety and have this one annoying voice pretending to be all those critical statements my opinion could be met with, let’s give it an actual voice and address the points throughout this review.

“Why would I care about your opinion, Ria?” – I don’t know, you’re the one who clicked Read More.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter!” – Of course, it doesn’t! Geez. Do you think your opinion matters, though? Listen, we’re on Tumblr, the actual equivalent of screaming into the void. And it’s fun, too!

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch!” - *activates Uno Reverse Card* “You can’t talk about something you haven’t watched!”

“You’re just a Hater” – Actually, this is a point I’ll come back to. Like a cliffhanger. Also, at the end of this, there’ll be a cookie. But this will also include me talking about the stuff I like, because, surprise, Zero is not without talent!

“You just don’t like it because the Reds and Blues aren’t in it!” – Actually, that’s a good point, so instead, this review will start with a sole focus on Zero and discuss the problem that lies within that story. Then we can address why the lack of OG cast is understandable and problematic and weird.

But first! Backstory.

When the first 5 second teaser dropped back in spring (you know, when we were young and innocent and the world didn’t feel like an apocalyptic movie yet), I held onto that one image of what I thought (hoped) to be Grif and Simmons in the sunset, hopefully addressing Grif’s hateglue arc, but boy was I wrong because a) that’s not Simmons, that’s Sarge, and b) the image was from a PSA since the Reds are not in Zero.

Actual face-reveal of me below:

Admittedly, when I heard that the Reds and Blues were not going to be the main characters (or even show up), it felt like a gut punch. However, I actually found myself getting excited due to the creators’ hype. I want to praise them for this. It’s been a while since an RvB season was talked so much ABOUT before its release; it had advertisements, it had creators and voice-actors talking about it. Please. More of that in the future. Their passion rubbed off on me, and that deserves recognition. So it pains me that this was clearly a passion-project, and then when I gave it a try, I didn’t want to touch it again for weeks.

Here’s the thing. I cannot whole-heartedly say that Zero is bad. It’s not gonna melt your eyes. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good. For me, it’s meh. It’s a Saturday-morning-cartoon aimed for a younger audience with a rushed plot and clichéd characters. The problem is that it calls itself RvB, and with that title comes something to live up to – but more importantly, something to continue.

My main issue is that Zero forces its story into existence by ignoring established content rather than adjusting to it. Let’s call this for the hotdog-too-big-for-the-bun syndrome solely for the sake of the bow-chicka-bow-wow that’s coming now. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Many of the separate issues I will dive into all add to this hotdog-issue, so I will scream “Hotdog!” whenever this is the case so we can all keep track of my argument.

You can continue the story of Red vs. Blue without the Reds and Blues. While that would personally crush my heart, it can be done. There’s a story of Red vs. Blue that can be continued. The world can be expanded, the previous actions of the Reds and Blues can be explored from another angle.

So.

How does Zero do this? It doesn’t.

I just want to make it clear that new elements can definitely be added when it comes to worldbuilding. That’s literally the point of sequels. But Zero’s settings are presented with so little grace and with no connection to previously established worldbuilding. We get Alliance of Defense and GLASS thrown in our face as very big important organizations – yet we’ve never heard of them before. A big central plot point of RvB is the UNSC and Project Freelancers, and those were introduced naturally with the plot. We already have big established intergalactic organizations. What is AOD’s connection with those? We aren’t told. We are just told they exist and expected to accept it, no questions asked. If this was a whole new world and story – fine. But when you need to build on an already established worldbuilding, you need more grace than this. Chorus was a whole new setting, but it was explained, and it was connected to the previous plot. Same with Iris. Same with Desert Gulch. In Zero, it feels lazy. It feels forced. These organizations are just there because the story is built around them (HOTDOG).

This vagueness when it comes to wordbuilding is also reflected in the settings - we have a desert, a training base, a lab, temples, Tucker’s workplace, and we do not know if all those are set place on the same planet. If that is the case, what is this planet’s relationship with Chorus? Is it Earth? And most importantly, what is the deal with the temples? Why are they connected to Tucker’s sword if it isn’t the same planet. Are they made by the same aliens? Are people okay with this? Why haven’t these temples been explored before? Chorus makes sure to establish this, while Zero doesn’t, adding to a growing amount of confusion.

Okay, so no connection with previous worldbuilding. What about characters? I mean, we got Wash and Carolina and Tucker! So we have RvB characters, it gotta be RvB! Technically – yeah. But it feels dirty. These three characters are not here to be characters. They are here to be props to the new cast. They are not given any development. Their presence isn’t even that important, and if this was a whole new show, they could easily have been replaced with an unknown face. Worst of all, they feel miswritten.

Carolina and Wash are working at a new military organization? Leaving the Reds and Blues behind? To help people? First of all, fucking bad idea, Carolina, the last time you left the Reds and Blues alone, they changed the timeline. But most importantly – Carolina and Wash just joined this new super elite military organization? After being mistreated and manipulated by such an organization in the past?

Carolina is there to introduce the characters. That’s it. We are force-fed their personality by having her literally read out loud their personality. There is no gentle introduction to the new cast. We are not allowed to get to know them naturally. Why show when you can tell, huh? That’s Carolina’s role. That’s why she is there. To introduce the cast and explain their story. That’s it. (HOTDOG).

How about Wash? He is there to get beat up and be a damsel in distress so that the new cast has a reason to explore the plot. Oh, and that brain damage that was the consequence of previous seasons – gone now. The guy who literally has trauma from having an AI explode inside his head is fine with having a computer inserted into it instead. Because that’s needed. To explore his brain damage wouldn’t work now when his role is to be a prop to lure the new cast for one episode and then be put onto the bench for the rest of the runtime (HOTDOG).

And Tucker – he is there to die for a second and have his sword taken from him. That’s literally it. And for the few moments he is there, he feels like old super flirty Tucker, which erases the character development he went through in previous seasons. Okay, so Tucker dies, and then not dies, and then he is put on the bench with Wash where they can sit and talk or whatever (‘cause holy shit, the new cast is not allowed to that), because he isn’t important. The sword is. Tucker is just a prop, even more than his sword is (HOTDOG).

Damn. Wash gets beat up. Tucker gets beat up. Dies. Gets his sword taken away. Almost seems like a Red’s wet dream. Sorry not sorry, Blues, you were done dirty.

So there are miswritten old characters. Even worse is the retconning. The plot needs a “normal” Wash, so, bam, magic computer solution. Never mind Wash’s trauma and character traits. Never mind the logic of the new worldbuilding which also includes a character suffering for years to heal an illness. But the brain damage that was such a big consequence that it became the main part of the plot of the last two seasons – gone. I mean, a gunshot to the head can be healed by CPR. That’s canon. But no one gave Wash CPR so it’s a big thing, okay. It was canonically a big thing, and Zero erased that. This is not me saying that a Cerebral Enhancer couldn’t work in the RvB universe. Imagine it being done right. Wash struggling with the choice of getting used to his disability or accepting the possibility of help - at the cost of reliving his trauma. The struggle between what to choose - what should he choose when he wants to help as many as possible, the sacrifices he thinks he has to make, the way it could have been used as a part of his character growth. But in Zero, the enhancer isn’t a part of Wash’s character. It’s there so the story can work without having to deal with the previous plot’s consequence (HOTDOG).

Same with the sword thing. They sorta explain it by having Tucker flatline, but it’s weak. Honestly, I find it sorta offensive. What about Locus’ sword as well? It’s twisting previous lore to make the new plot work (HOTDOG). (Also, are we not gonna talk about the ultimate power being Spencer Porkensenson’s helmet? Have the writers forgotten Spencer Porkensenson? Have we as a community forgotten Spencer Porkensenson?)

If you have Red vs. Blue in your title, you cannot ignore what you inherit from it. You need to respect the worldbuilding, the established characters, and the previous plot. Zero does not do this.

Let’s talk about the Triplets. No, really, let’s do it. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about them before, because season 14 was a mixed bag for me (that I have now learned to appreciate. Thank you, Zero.) because I have heart at the size of the Grinch and can only love a few characters at a time, and that did not include the Triplets. Can’t even remember their names. Well, I can, but I can’t for the love of me remember which state is which, and my tongue is twisted every time I try to say Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho, and I know it’s on purpose. I know it is. And it got me good. That being said, the fandom actually embraced them really, really well! Seriously, I’ve seen more content for the Triplets than for Zero as a whole.

Why talk about the Triplets? (Was Iowa the lesbian? Or was it Ohio? Fuck.) Because like Zero, they introduced new characters with a story of their own. The Reds and Blues didn’t play a role. But here’s what I feel like the Triplets got right. They didn’t change the settings to force their narrative. They used stuff already established (Project Freelancer), added their own story as a continuation of that. They even included old characters in the beginning (Wash and some other Freelancers) but it felt natural and it didn’t feel like it happened at the expense of the old characters. Wash’s writing felt natural, and his presence wasn’t needed to tell these new character’s stories. He wasn’t a prop to them. He was there to establish the setting and to establish the relationship with these new characters, and then he and the other familiar faces (helmets??) left, and we as the viewers were left with these new characters. And the new characters told their own story by themselves. It felt like, hey, here’s something you know – remember Mother of Invention, and remember Wash’ lower rank, but now, try to imagine being even lower rank than him, aren’t you curious about those fates? Now let’s hear their story! It was new, it was something else, but it didn’t wreck what came before it, and it stayed true to the classic vibes of RvB.

As I said before, the hotdog-issue is my biggest problem with Zero. It infuriates me. I will return to this. But there are more issues, even if we try to look past the title-related problems.

If we try to imagine Zero as its own story and universe (as it should be, in my opinion), it still earns the meh review from me.

These isolated issues include awkwardness, the writing, lack of self-awareness, and pacing. First of all, holy shit, this is a tell, don’t show. Nothing is subtle, nothing is allowed to develop. It’s like the show thinks you are six years old with an attention span of a goldfish. You are not just led by the hand – they have literally pulled off your arm by the end of the show. We are force-fed every bit of information, every bit of personality from these new characters.

The voice-acting is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes it’s pretty good, sometimes it’s not. Some of the problems can definitely be blamed on the dialogue that you can only do so much with. It’s not good. I can’t remember any good jokes (the one joke I really appreciate was the cast on armor, and that was freaking visual humor. That was so RvB. Kudos to that. It was fun. More of that, please.), and RvB is known for having memorably good lines. This is a show built on good, clever, funny dialogue. Zero does not deliver. You have to sit through clichéd lines – “You’re not my dad”, “I trusted you”, “Come with me”, “It can’t be!”, “She’s way too powerful”, and “We have to do this together” – performed unironically. I cringed more than I laughed. Worst thing is that Zero could be a good parody. Sometimes, it feels like it is. One-dimensional characters, a villain wanting ‘the ultimate power’, very overpowered characters, bad one-liners, etc. But Zero takes itself seriously, and I was one of the people rooting for Jax to show up at the end and yell “Cut”. That would have been a funny-as-fuck twist. A spin-off parody. If I can’t have “Sarge the Movie”, I would have taken that and loved it. I would have forgiven everything. “We put so much info into finding that power, but we had no idea what it was” is really a line in the finale, and I cannot believe this is real in a show that somehow still tries to present itself as serious. What a plot.

We have to talk about pacing. God, first of all it should be stated that RvB is a mess when it comes to pacing. I honestly get what they were going for. Sometimes, RvB has come across as a bit boring when you get three episodes stretched over three weeks without much going on. I know season 11 did not have the warmest welcome because it was seen as boring until the finale. But when you see season 11 as a whole, as a movie, as a part of a trilogy, it works so well. Zero is more focused on being episodic. They want something to happen all the time so we will stay tuned. The thing that will happen – a fight. Oh god. The fight scenes.

I have done the math. I have run the numbers. I deserve a freaking cookie for this. Are you ready?

If you put all the episodes together, you have a runtime of 106 minutes. HOWEVER, with the introduction of credits in every episode, you gotta account for this. Removing the credits, this gives us 94 minutes of actual runtime. Out of that, 45 minutes are dedicated to fight scenes. That means 48% of the show is fight scenes.

If I wanted that many fight scenes, I’d watch Death Battle. Except the actual RvB Death Battle episode has a runtime of 20 minutes, and out of that, 5 minutes is dedicated to the actual battle. For the people who hate math – that’s 25% of the actual runtime.

RvB Zero has more fight scenes than a show called Death Battle. Take that in.

The pace suffers from this. Where’s the time to explore the characters? Where’s the time for good dialogue? All I can think of is this:

I get that RvB is a show that’s literally making fun of itself by acknowledging all their characters do is stand around and talk. I get that you want characters to do more than that. But for the love of Church, would it kill the new characters to stand around and talk? For just a minute? Stop fighting, I am begging you, stop fighting! Am I a pacifist now? Am I purple? Have I joined Doc’s team? What has Zero done to me?!

The good thing though is that fight scenes are very good. They’re entertaining. However, they seem to deconstruct themselves when we need to get a fight scene in every episode. Usually, the few fight scenes in an RvB season were in some of the most climatic episodes. In Zero, I can hardly keep up with the pace because they won’t stop moving. Fight scenes aren’t plot. They aren’t character development. You need more than just fight scenes. They entertain, but there’s a limit to that.

Noël Wiggins, the co-writer, stated the inspiration was a Saturday-morning cartoon. They nailed that vibe. If that was their goal, hurray, they have accomplished something! Because of the poor plot and constant fight scenes, it feels like you could just switch on the TV and drop in at any moment and let yourself be entertained by the cool and colorful soldiers punching and kicking each other. I will admit that the fight scenes entertained me. But they don’t make it a good season.

If I were the six-year-old with the attention span of a goldfish that the show believes I am, I honestly would enjoy it. The stiff dialogue and the constant tell-don’t-show makes you feel like an audience that’s not supposed to do anything else but admire the flashy fight scenes. I miss the cleverness of RvB. I miss the characters I get to connect with as I see them grow.

I miss the tone of RvB. Because this isn’t RvB to me.

It’s not that RvB hasn’t changed its tone before. Holy shit, I sorta do want to experience the absolute shock the RvB fandom went through when s6 aired and they were given new characters and serious plot. I would have loved to experience that, but I was too busy being ten years old. The Freelancers seasons also introduced a new tone and more fight scenes with very talented fighters compared to the Blood Gulch gang, but a balance was kept by having half of the season still revolving around the Reds and Blues. But Zero – Zero is so much change. And it’s on purpose. At least this has been made very clear from the beginning.

They constantly seem to appeal to new fans, rather than be directed towards older fans of the show. If you want an entirely new audience with a season with a new cast, new worldbuilding, and new tone, I’m confused as to why they don’t just make a new show. The hotdog-problem begs for this solution. This story and environment and characters feel so out of touch with the original RvB, that with a few rewrites and lack of Halo-armor, it could just be a new show. Problem solved.

If not this, then present it as a spin-off. In all ways, it feels like a spin-off (again, see everything marked HOTDOG). But the creators refuse to do this, and I don’t understand why. I could forgive many of these issues, had they officially separated themselves from canon.

Ah, what’s the idiom? You can’t both swallow and blow? (You can hear the Bow-chicka-bow-wow in the distance). Something about eating cake and having it. Forgive me, English isn’t my native language. POINT IS why are you calling yourself RvB while actively fighting against the core essence of RvB? In my humble opinion, you can’t be both. Marketing it as a spin-off would have granted it some defense when changing, well, literally everything, and I just, would someone please properly describe why it isn’t a spin-off? Isn’t this season marked by its association with the plot of RvB rather than a continuation of it? Zero presenting itself as not a spinoff feels like a toddler clinging to the hem of its mother’s dress while forcefully running away from her, ripping the dress in the process.

When they do connect with the original RvB, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When they let Carolina, Wash, and Tucker appear for a moment, it feels like luring viewers in with the RvB title. Look at me. Look at me! I’m not saying this is the case. I say that it gives me the annoying vibes of being lured, rather than letting the characters be a part of the show for their own development, rather than having RvB in the title to continue its story. I should not be getting these vibes at all. But I am.

If you want to use RvB in the title, something from the core of RvB needs to be embraced. Things can be changed. They should. Something new should be brought in. But there’s a limit to how much you can change and replace and twist until it would have been better with an original show. As a season of RvB, it should tell the story of Red vs. Blue.

From my perspective, Zero fails to do so.

It pains me that the old cast has been replaced, but as stated earlier, a season could have worked without them. However, I do not like the take that one should be excited about all the new characters. That it isn’t a big thing that the OG cast got replaced. That we should just deal with it. Just, try to imagine another show suddenly replacing the main characters with characters we’ve never met before. Imagine RWBY suddenly only focusing on a new team of huntresses with the previous main characters reduced to an Easter Egg presence, or Camp Camp suddenly being about a new team of campers, no warning given. Can you imagine the outcry? So maybe let’s agree that a replacement of the main cast is a big thing and should be addressed and it’s valid to be upset about this change.

Could Zero have worked? It’s hard to answer this. How can I accept something as RvB if the season actively pushes away the core of RvB aside for an isolated story that could have been told in any other media? As a spinoff, I could have ignored it. To enjoy Zero, I have to fully separate it from RvB in my mind, and then it’s alright. S’not good. But it’s not bad. It’s entertaining enough. I really ended up liking Raymond and Tiny, and there were a few good jokes, and the fight scenes were admirable (but too much) and I love the creators’ passion. But it’s not RvB. I also wish that the new characters had been attached to previous worldbuilding, for example soldiers on Chorus or agents from Project Freelancer. That way we could build on familiar lore which would have decreased the confusion and added a much needed connection with the previous seasons of RvB.

God, the anxious voice is back (by the way, it sounds like Tutter from “Bear in the Blue House”).

“You’re racist” – I hope not. Literally, I do not want to be. Tell me if I’ve ever crossed some lines, because I swear, that is not my intention, I will apologize and most of all, change and do better. I included this because I’ve seen this take thrown around in the big ugly mess that is the fandom clashes regarding Zero. And racism is problem within RT community (this includes AH and RvB, sorry, I just use RT as an umbrella term for the latter), and I’m not saying it hasn’t been a problem with this season. Writers should never be harassed, and never-fucking-ever because of their skin color, and voice actors shouldn’t be treated like they are responsible for the choices of the show. But I was legit nervous to post this review, and I hope it’s been factual without feeling like personal attacks on the creators because that has never been my intention. I was delighted to hear about the diversity behind this project, and Torrian’s passion legit blew me away because it’s been a while since I’ve seen that for an RvB project. I’d hoped for it to be good, and when I feel disappointed, it’s for the reasons stated in this analysis. That said, Zero is made by a diverse cast and it’s made with love, and both of those things are so, so great, but it does not mean that Zero cannot be criticized. It can, and it should. It’s a product, just like all the other seasons, and fans are allowed to discuss it – both what they loved, and both what they found troublesome. And to repeat previous points, and be respectful, always, fuck racists, and never-fucking-ever harass the staff behind a season, what the fuck is wrong with you if you do this.

“Don’t you get it, it’s different because it’s trying something new!” – Hey, remember the philosophical question: if you replace all the parts of a ship one-by-one, is it still the same ship when you’re done? If it doesn’t include the Reds and Blues, if it ignores previous plot, if the old characters feel miswritten, if it values animation over dialogue, if it values fight scenes over comedy, if it wants to be Fast and Furious instead of Red vs. Blue – is it still Red vs. Blue? Because it doesn’t feel like it to me.

“It's been 17 seasons, it’s time to let the Reds and Blues go so someone else can shine!” – I simply do not understand us having been with the Reds and Blues for 17 seasons should be an argument to let them go, rather than be an argument as to why their absence hurt like hell.

“The Reds and Blues ran out of things to do!” – Did- did they, though? I mean, if we were discussing pretty much any other show, I’d probably agree that they were running out of content. But for the Reds and Blues… I think the PSAs nailed it this year! I’m not kidding, I had more fun watching the Reds and Blues discuss how to do laundry than watching Zero. You could literally give me an hour of the Reds and Blues trying to bake a cake or clear a gutter or simply settling down with an ordinary life, and I would trust them to make it worth the watch.

“The flaws were due to the fact it’s only 8 episodes long!” – Look, I can only judge a product the way it’s presented to me. I cannot come up with excuses for it. If they had 8 episodes to work with, they need to come up with a plot that works with this runtime. Seriously, this excuse cannot work when 48% of the season is spent on fight scenes. They could have used more runtime, sure, but the show needs to be able to pace itself and be planned accordingly.

“The OG cast couldn’t be a part of this year, hence Zero!” – That might be true. But. Would one year without RvB kill it? Is Zero necessary? Again, I just can’t judge excuses for the show. But trouble with the cast has been an issue before. Season 15 solves Geoff’s sabbatical by actually making Grif’s absence a part of the plot. Zero’s lack of Reds and Blues just feels like this excuse to tell a story that needn’t be a part of RvB.

Am I a hater? I guess? I greatly dislike Zero for the critique stated above. I do, however, not harass the creators and no one should ever do that. However, I have to admit that I feel there’s been this weird rejection of any critique of Zero where everything’s been brushed off as haters gonna hate, including the critique stated above. And I think that’s a problem because critique, as hard as it can be to hear (and I know this. I’m an author of original works. Weird flex, I know), is valid and necessary and shouldn’t just be shrugged away. As always, both sides of the fandom should always be respectful, but my own opinion is that addressing the flaws of Zero should not be controversial.

Does this super long rant/critique/whatever mean you cannot enjoy Zero? Gods no! I almost envy you if you enjoy this season, but holy shit, feel free to love it and tell the creators that you love it! Me pointing out the issues I have with the season shouldn’t be stopping you. I loved (and still love) s15 when it came out, and it was majorly rejected by the fandom. There were many, many critical posts, people were going on about how RvB should have ended with s13, and it evolved into the writer receiving death threats (me, once again: never ever harass the creators, assholes). But I didn’t tell people to stop being negative. I actually agreed with many of the flaws that were pointed out, and I enjoyed the season despite this, because that is possible. We, as RvB fans, should agree that RvB, is... I mean, it’s not the greatest, most flawless of shows, but we love it nonetheless. So go ahead and love Zero. This is not a stop sign. This is my opinion that you chose to read.

Wait, I promised you a cookie, didn’t I? Well, you’re not getting one. Why? Because I’m a Red and this is my chance to piss off a Blue. As Caboose wisely said: “Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES!”

Blue Team sucks.

End speech.

#rvb zero #rvb #rvb zero critical #rvb critical #rvb0 #my rvb stuff #pls dont hate me for this #this is my honest opinion that people apparantly wanted to hear #as a standalone story zero isnt totally bad #as an rvb season it is

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bokutobaes · 3 years

Text

inarizaki boys when you have a bad day

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆-with: atsumu, suna, kita

☆-!warnings!: swearing, parental issues, parents fighting, (there’s nothing physically violent), illness like the flu

☆-a/n: yall these are longgg LOL sorry

☆- author: lu <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ atsumu:

-his baby had a bad day :((

-just kidding he didn’t notice at first I’m so sorry nzjsjjsj

-your lockers are nearby so he’s usually waiting for you there first thing in the morning

-you woke up today with a headache and you were just really tired from studying last night :/

-you wanted to suck it up because it was your own fault for leaving the studying until the night before the test you had

-anyways, you were walking up to your locker lowkey trying to avoid eye contact with him

-“hi tsumu :)” u fricken liar with that fake smile

-“morning babe!” atsumu pulled u in for a back hug “i have to get to class kinda early for a test review so i’ll see you at lunch”

-and with that he was pecking your cheek and leaving

-“okay.. kind of good” you thought.. you didn’t wanna worry him or anything so you headed to you first class, math

-hell literally broke loose.. you forgot your pencil case and had to ask like 4 people until you got one which was embarrassing

-AND THEN the teacher called on you for an answer that you didn’t know like the universe

was against you or something

-“uhh... ummm i don’t know..” headass😩

-the class after that was slightly less dehumanizing but it was also japanese class.. the class you had a test in that you just barely studied for

-you did the test and lost braincells, blood sweat and tears LOL

-“okay class these will be graded by lunchtime so please come by to collect your scores before your next class”

-ogey :/ anyways u went to ur next class and before u knew it, it was lunch time.

-a text from atsumu made your phone vibrate while on your way to get your test scores

-“hey babe im actually gonna eat lunch with samu we’re practicing a bit at lunch”

-oh :) ok :) that’s fine :) not like u :) desperately:) need a hug :) right now :)

-“oh okay babe” you text back

-whatever u don’t need him independent queen

-that’s your mindset.. until you get those test scores

-it’s a literal fail .. did not pass the test.. ok..

-“y/n san, these test scores were not your usual best. I’m slightly disappointed, if there’s anything going on please let me know”

-“thank you sensei. i’ll do better next time.

-at this point you were just tying not to cry so you took your test and shouldered your bag and walked to a bench outside for some fresh air.

-right.. you didn’t bring lunch today

-so now you were hungry, tired, defeated, disappointed and lonely :,(

-the last class of your day went by quickly probably because you were zoned out the whole time

-the end of the day came and you were at your locker when your guardian texted you

-“Y/n, you had that test today right? I’m expecting to see the grade when your back home. Didn’t have time to make food tonight so find something to eat on your way home.”

-oh that test ? lol hahaha the one that you failed?! yeah that one haha lol lollll

-so with that, you started your walk home

-“y/n!!”

-fuck. atsumu.

-if you saw him now you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears and you really didn’t want to cry

-so your solution? pretend you didn’t hear him and walk faster lmfaokdhdh

-but atsumu, being.. well atsumu, decided to just full speed sprint towards you to put his shoulder around you

-“i literally know you heard me. i missed you today sorry about lun- why are you crying ?!!?”

-“bad day” you choked out before a shuddering gasp wracked your chest

-atsumu didn’t say anything he just wrapped you in a tight hug, petting you hair while you cried into his chest

-“its okay babe.. “ :(

-“you wanna come over? we can get food and cuddle”

-you nodded your head taking a shaky breath

-his hand reached out and wiped your tears, brushed your hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead like it was natural to him.

-and so you walked together hand in hand to atsumu’s house where you ate samu’s leftover onigiri and vented to atsumu about the day while you cuddled

-he also gave you a hoodie :,)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ suna:

-“living is a chore :|” you thought as the alarm rang through your room ruining your peaceful sleep

-it was raining outside and your mind went back to last night, the screaming match your parents had

-normally you’d be used to it but it felt like they were starting to take the anger they had for each other out on you now

-you tried not to but you started thinking about all the things your mom had yelled to you through the closed door of your bedroom

-“your just like your father. you’re selfish, lazy and all you do is run around with that little boyfriend of yours! what about your family?! you think your better then us? why don’t you move out then since your so good at being independent?!”

-everything she said was always completely blown out of proportion, she lied all the time. it’s exhausting for you

-you started getting ready for school, you wanted to see suna and your friends and laugh and just forget last night even happened

-when you got to school suna was there at your locker scrolling lazily through his phone

-you smiled, genuinely as he looked up and greeted you with a smirk

-“nice hair.”

-“wha-“ you started and then smacked his arm when you realized that your baby hairs were out of sorts “shutup” you scowled

-“good morning” suna hugged you

-“good morning”

-now you were off to class, it always went by too fast, you thought. school was always done in the blink of an eye

-“what’re you doing at lunch?” your friend tapped your shoulder and whispered to you

-“mmm nothing probably why?”

-“let’s eat on the roof today! yui told me there’s gonna be a rainbow cuz it stopped raining.”

-“okay” you smiled

-now at lunch with your friends you ate the bento you had packed before. the rainbow was there and it was beautiful

-you were having fun just laughing with your friends and texting suna while he sent terrible photos of atsumu. things were good, you had forgotten about your mom

-until the end of the day came and you had to go back home

-as usual suna was at his locker waiting so that you could walk home together

-after crossing the street you and suna were at a bike path, trees surrounding the fences

-it was a comfortable silence until...

-“what’s wrong?”

-suna asking took you by surprise, you didn’t think you were acting any different. were you?

-“what are you talking about”

-“you look sad, you did this morning too but then you were fine the rest of the day so I didn’t say anything. but, you look sad again now”

-“oh..”

-so suna just saw right through you

-“ um.. i’m okay.. it’s just ..” you laughed dryly “i don’t really want to go home”

-“did something happen?”

-“yeah.. my parents were fighting, it turned into this whole thing.” you felt a lump in your throat start to form “i don’t really wanna talk about it”

-“okay. you should just come over then, right?”

-“can i?”

-“you literally don’t even have to ask me anymore y/n” suna grabbed your hand and led the way

-when you got there suna hopped on his couch and started putting on something from netflix

-“my parents aren’t home, my sister has a dance thing today” he grabbed a blanket and you sat down, putting your head in his lap

-suna put on a comedy show, of course he would

-he played with your hair while you watched and after an episode or two, he asked

-“do you want to talk about it now?”

-and so you did, you told him what happened last night and what your mom said. your plan was to not cry but that failed miserably

-suna listened intently, he told you the truth, he said that what she said wasn’t true, he told you you could sleepover whenever you needed to.

-kissed you and wrapped you back in the blanket

-“i love you, you know that right? always.”

-he always knew what to say and you loved him for that

-“i love you too, suna”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ kita:

-kita knew, first thing he noticed when he saw you that you weren’t okay

-you woke up with a terrible headache, aching body and stomachache

-so this is it? this is hell? ok.

-but the test.. you had a test today. fortunately you had actually studied for weeks because you knew it was important

-mentally? you were ready for that test. physically? you had the spanish influenza

-so you weighed the options and decided you would go to school, take the test and then come back home after.

-the problem with that was that kita would in fact lecture you on all the reasons you should not have come to school

-he was right of course, but you still decided that you would need to avoid him for today

-spoiler alert it did not work

-your test was your third class of the day so you only had to get through 2 classes and you’d leave at lunch perfectly avoiding kita

-this was what you thought while you were at your locker until you closed it and walked directly into kitas chest

-“wow”

-“good morning y/n-chan”

-“morning kita! i have to go or I’ll be late!”

-you ran😭 and you almost got away too but kita grabbed your arm and pulled you to one side of the hallway

-he felt your forehead and both cheeks

-“you have a fever y/n”

-“no I don’t I’m just hot from walking to school”

-he said 😐

-you signed and rested your head on his chest letting your arms dangle

-“why did you come? you look sick”

-“thanks. I have a test.”

-“how do you feel?”

-you told him your symptoms but also that you were leaving right after the test and you could pull through

-he really didn’t want you to overwork yourself but he knew you were set on taking the test

-so he let you go and he made you promise to text him between classes and let him know if you felt any worse

-and off you went

-honestly, you were fine up until halfway through your second class.. then you started feeling really cold and tired even kind of nauseous

-then in the third class your test was put onto your desk and before you knew it your teacher was saying “begin”

-okay. you can do this you thought to yourself. the test was easy enough with how much you studied, you thought about every answer and you tried to finish quick

-but then it was like time cut itself in half and the bell for lunch was ringing

-you weren’t even done the test yet

-“y/n you can stay in here until your done but i expect you to have it finished soon”

-one question left

-you don’t even remember what you ended up putting before you were up and giving the paper to your teacher

-kita was right there when you left the classroom

-“hey ..hey.. y/n”

-you could barely hear him you just flopped into his arms

-“okay I’m taking you home.. “

-“but..”

-“shh let’s go”

-you don’t remember getting there but then you were in your bed smothered in pillows and blankets

-kita came in

-“what time is it?”

-he looked at his phone “half past 4”

-“4?!” you jolted up “did you even go back to school?” “kita?!”

-he smiled at you “no but it’s okay y/n it was only one day. i wanted to take care of you

-you noticed he had a steaming cup of something in his hands

-“what’s that” you asked

-“its tea, but it’s special tea :)”

-“what do you mean” you laughed

-“my grandma showed me how to make it, it’s gonna make you feel a lot better”

-he’s so cute...

-“kita... you didn’t have to do all this”

-“i wanted to” he sits beside you and hands you the tea

-literally tasted like heaven

-“mmmmm oh my god”

-kita laughed and kissed you on the cheek before joining you in the bed

-you cuddled and watched movies on your laptop until you fell asleep, comfortable in your boyfriends arms

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evendeadlmthehero · 4 years

Text

The Sun and The Moon

(Kylo Ren/Ben Solo x Reader)

Episode I: The Timeline of Romeo & Juliet Part One

Summary: “You were one of the 12 Padawans that Luke Skywalker taught. There, you met the love of your life. Your first best friend, your first lover and your first Boyfriend; Ben Solo. Everything was perfect. That is, until the Jedi Temple was burned by Ben himself. 5 years pass since you last saw him and he isn’t the man you used to know. The Moon preferred darkness and in that darkness, Kylo Ren was born.”

Warnings: some swearing, murder and mental illness. Also, Rey is not in this and I won’t follow the exact plot of the triology.

The Sun and The Moon Masterlist

Ultimate Masterlist

6 Years Old

“My patience wears thin so I will say this one more time,” a man spoke, his face not visible from your point of view. You held your breath and hid beneath the floorings, just like your mother told you to. You saw the feet of two Stormtroopers take a step towards your mother, their guns raising up. “Give us the one who was promised, the one you call Saviour, and we’ll be on our way. Failure to comply will result in death. Your death.”

Your six-year-old heart beated rapidly as you watched on from below. Your hair was an unruly mess and dirt covered your face. You were trying your best not to move, afraid you’d be in front of what you assumed were the ‘bad guys’. “She’s not here, I already told you. The Saviour is but a rumour, a myth. You are wasting your time.”

It was your fault. If only you had kept your ‘powers’, as your mom called them, hidden. She told you, no she demanded, that you mustn’t ever use them. And you did. But it wasn’t your fault.

You see, the village’s bully had thrown your doll on top of the tree. When you thought no one was looking, you managed to use the force to bring it back towards you. You didn’t understand this ‘power’ you had, you were but a small child. But your mother did. And she did everything in her power to keep it hidden.

But the fact is, someone was watching. In particular, it was the old lady who lived across from you. She was from the unfortunate end of the riches scale and had clothes with multiple stitches across the fabrics.

The man chuckles, walking over to your mother. He places a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, your mother flinching as his finger makes contact with her skin. The grip of your hand on the doll tightens in fear. “You scavengers are so gullible. Did you really think your own neighbours wouldn’t rat you out for a couple of credits?”

Your mother’s eyes widened, now shaking her head rapidly. “Please, please, please don’t do this! She’s just a little girl! Don’t you understand that the Dark Side is not the way of life! It’s not too late to change sides, you can still follow the light!”

“The light,” the man started, circling around your mother before the clicks of the guns that the Stormtroopers held rung across the room. “Is a joke. You want to bring balance to the world yet you use weak, primitive methods to reach the objective. And where did that lead to exactly? The exitinction of the Jedi? The rise of the First Order? The light is pathetic and weak.”

He then takes a step back before looking at the Stormtroopers, nodding his head. Multiple shots rang, before a ‘thud’ was heard. And there she was. Your mother. On the floor. The women you raised you, the women who would rip her own clothing just to make you a blanket, was now gone. “Hopefully I get a promotion for bringing in the stupid little girl.”

Tears streamed profusely down your face as your mother’s face fell exactly in the flooring in which you were hiding under. You held the doll against your mouth, desperate not to let out a squeak, desperate not to cry in case you might reach the same fate as your mother. “Search every inch of this place. The child must be here-“

“General! Luke Skywalker has penetrated our defences! I repeat, Luke Skywalker has-“, the transmitter went silent. The General let out a groan, smashing the transmitter against the wall. Pieces of the machinery fell against the wall as the General breathed in and out heavily.

“Let’s get out of here before that mongrel catches up to us!” He yelled at the Stormtroopers, before storming out, stepping on your mother’s back on the way out. Your hands were shaking and when you heard a plane fly away, you let out the first of many sobs.

You got up from your position, running over to the secret door on the floor. You opened it before climbing out and rushing towards your mother’s now cold and soulless body. “Mom?Mom! You have to- you have to get up! P-please mommy! You- you have dinner to make, a-and then we go shopping mommy. You promised mommy, you promised.”

But your mother did not respond, making you cry even more. As a child, you did not know exactly what this meant. You did not know that it was impossible for your mother to open her eyes and look at you one more time. “Mommy please! You can wake up from sleepy time, the bad man is gone now.”

You heard the door slowly creak open, making you jump back in fright. You were shakingly violently, hugging the doll in fright. A foot stepped in, before a man with a grey beard and unruly hair walked in. You then ran in front of your mother, trying to protect her. “Go away! You can’t hurt mommy! I have powers so you- you should be very scared!”

The old man smiled at you, putting his hands up to show you he was not going to hurt you. That he was but a friend and not a foe. He looked at you in sadness as he saw your mother’s dead figure lying on the floor.

“Hello Y/N. My name is Luke Skywalker.”

One Week Later

You sat by yourself at the Jedi Temple, eating a bowl of steamed rice. After a week of travelling in harsh, hot conditions with Luke Skywalker, you finally found yourself able to rest on a rock carved as a seat and a table made out of the erosion of limestone from the sea.

You heard the chatter of some Padawans who were laughing and talking with one another, obviously having known each other for a year or so. You were a late Padawan, but as Luke had said, it did not matter. His own father, Anakin, trained to be Jedi at the age of 9, three years later than yourself.

It was your first day and you had yet to make new friends. It’s not like you wanted to anyway, after what you have been through. You were now very wary when meeting new people, especially people who were three times your age like Luke himself. You’d always analyse your environment, trying to see if any threats surrounded your peripheral vision.

“Can you believe it Almec? That Solo boy killed a bird! How is he still training to be a Jedi?” A boy cried as he walked inside the temple with his friends, holding a bowl of rice. “He should be expelled! He has no care for life or the ways of the Jedi!”

“Luke is obviously deseperate for more Jedi’s if he’s allowing a murder like him to train with us,” another boy spoke, who you assumed was Almec. He had daring green eyes and devilish brown hair. He looked at you as he walked by, making you quickly look down at your food in embarrassment, red prominent on your cheeks. Him and his friends then took a seat a table away from you. “He’s only getting special treatment because he has Skywalker’s blood in him.”

Deciding you were done with your food, you got up and walked inside the kitchen, placing your bowl near the sink. After you were done washing up your bowl, you walked back inside the eating area and headed towards the exit. As you were walking out, you made eye contact with Almec. This time he gave you a small smile in which you returned before hurriedly out of the Temple and into the environment.

You breathed in the fresh air as you slowed your pace, desperate to take in the serene environment around you. The Jedi temple was located in an empty piece of land with endless vast of grass. There were also trees that grew amongst the edge of the island and some in the centre and around the temple.

There were also huts the surrounded the temples and were scattered around the island. There was 8 to be exact. All Padawans were paired with another of the same sex in each hut. Luke had his own hut and because you had just came yesterday, you got your own hut all to yourself.

‘I can’t save it,’ you heard a voice in your head speak. You stopped in your tracks, confusion filling your mind. It wasn’t just confusion, it was fear. But it wasn’t your own. You then looked into the forest and felt it calling you, felt it calling your name. So you started walking towards the forest.

‘I can’t save it,’ you heard the same voice speak. You then realised this wasn’t someone talking, but it was someone’s thoughts. Specifically, a boy’s thoughts. You wandered into the forest, hearing the ocean far away hitting the rocks. You kept walking, looking around to find something, someone.

‘I can’t save it.’

‘Save what,’ you kept thinking, as you moved the branches of trees away from your face in order to progress further. You then stopped, seeing a mop of black hair. His back was towards you, holding something in his hand.

You felt an instant connection towards him. You felt like you had to protect him and that you could trust him with your life. It was weird, because someone had just murdered your mother yet here you are, willing to trust a stranger.

It seemed like he had felt it too as he quickly turned around, his eyes now on you. Your eyes widened in shocked, now scared that he caught you looking at him. But that was quickly forgotten when you saw a dead bird in his hands, it’s wings chopped off. You let out a scream, moving backwards. Your legs however tripped over a branch on the floor you did not see, making you fall in the ground.

You were about to run away before you heard his voice, in particular, the voice you heard in your head just minutes ago. “Wait please! Please! It- it isn’t what it looks like!”

You then looked at him, your breathing still erratic. You were scared but somehow you felt like you should stay, like you should listen to what he had to say. He then gulped, taking a step forward. This had made you crawl backwards, trying to keep distance. The boy had seen this and felt a rush of pain within his heart. He did not what you to be scared of him like the others. He did not know you, but you were new. He had a chance to finally form a friendship and he messed it up.

“My- my name is Ben. I found the bird dead, it’s wings chopped off. I- I think it was an animal that did this,” he explained, looking at you directly in the eyes. He then took a step forward and this time you did not move back. “I’m trying to- I’m trying to save it. I heard about this power where a Jedi could heal things and I thought I could do it too. Apparently I can’t do that, I can’t do anything right and now you are probably scared of me like everyone else-“

You watched as the 8 year old boy rambled on and on, seeing the look of rejection and desperation in his eyes. It seemed that Ben was used to it now, the rejection. But still, that didn’t stop the pain and feeling of unworthiness that tagged along with it. You got up from the ground, with Ben still rambling about how he was trying to save the bird.

And you believed him. So to save him and you from the misery of his rambling, you decided to cut him off.

“I’m Y/N.”

13 Years Old

You breathed heavily as you dodged the incoming lightsaber that swung above your head. You then brought your lightsaber close to you, attacking your opponent. Your lightsabers both hit each other at the same time, letting out a loud mechanical hum.

“Careful, you’re going to break my ‘saber,” Ben joked, dodging your attacks. Luke and the other Padawan’s watched on as the both of you battled each other. It almost looked poetic how you both fought, it looked indentical. Both of you had the same fighting stance, offensive and defensive moves. You both matched each others steps like dancing partners.

“It’s ugly anyway,” you replied before taking steps back. You then ran towards him, Ben readying up to defend himself. As you came close to him you slid down, using the back of the lightsaber to hit the back of his knee. This threw Ben out of balance, causing him to fall and within a secound you stepped on his chest, the lightsaber now in close proximity to his neck. “I win.”

The Padawans all clapped expect Almec and his friends who watched. Almec felt a rush of jealously fill his body. For 7 years, Almec has been trying to speak to you, trying to be your friend. The 15 year old boy would be lying if he said he did not feel an attraction towards you. You were gorgeous, had a blinding smile and a beautiful sense of justice and leadership. But somehow, you only looked at Ben, not him. Ben was your closest and only friend and because of this, Almec resented the raven-haired Padawan.

He always found himself competing with Ben, trying to one-up him all the time. Trying to impress you. But you only had eyes for the Solo boy. Everyone in the Jedi Temple can smell the testosterone battle between Ben and Almec whenever they were up against each other during training, exams and learning of the force. But Ben had always been the best student, only secound to yourself.

Luke Skywalker got up from his feet, making you and Ben take a knee out of respect. You were both panting from the sparring match you had both just partook in with each other. “Master, we hope you are proud with our progression.”

“You are both holding back on your hits,” Luke had spoke, causing all the Padawans to stop clapping and go quiet. “It is obvious you both cannot un-bound yourself from wordly attachments due to the clinging need of emotional attention and devotion from each other. You both are therefore banned from sparring with each other.”

“But Master Luke-“ you protested, getting up from your position. Ben stayed in his position, an angry look on his face like it was to be expected from the Skywalker man.

“I don’t want to hear it!” Luke had spoken, getting up from his position. You looked down, your cheeks reddening in embarrassment for being told off in front of everyone. “It is final. Ben you will now spar with Almec and Y/N you will now spar with Lierra. This will persist until the remainder of your Jedi training.”

Luke looked at you both one last time before turning around and walking out the door. All the Padawans got up and begun leaving the room. Almec in particular had a little smirk on his face as he left the room. You looked at Ben who was staring and the floor in anger and fury. You shook your head, chasing after your master who had left the room.

“Master Luke!” You called out as you saw his retreating figure down the hall. Luke let out a sigh, stopping in his tracks before turning around to face you. He then lifted his eyebrows up, waiting to listen to what you have to say. “I think- I think Ben Solo has been a great sparring partner. I really feel like I’ve progressed with him and I’ve learned a lot-“

“I’m doing this for your own safety,” Luke cut you off, your face now slowly filling with confusion. Luke let out a second sigh, shaking his head. “Y/N, I consider you as one of my own and I give you this one advice. Stay away from him. I know he’s my nephew, but he’s erratic and there’s anger in him. I’m trying- I’m trying to do my best to bring out the light in him, but I don’t want you to be involved in the process. It’s too dangerous. Try being friends with Almec. He’s a good boy.”

You clenched your jaw, your body filling with anger. “His mother and father dispose him in this Temple and his own Uncle talks ill of him. How ridiculous. You should all be ashamed of yourself, depriving a boy of love and support. I will stay friends with him and I’ll always be there when he needs me to be. Thanks for your advice Master Luke, but no thanks.”

You then bowed quickly, before running back towards the sparring room, desperate to see Ben. When you walked back inside the room, you found Ben still in a kneeling position. You rushed towards him before bending down to his level. “Ben, are you okay?”

“He is such a selfish old man!” Ben spoke, finally getting up from his position. He then started pacing around the room, his fingers running through his hair. You stood up, watching him. “He saw how powerful we were together, how well we fought together! And he separated us!”

“Ben, maybe he was right. We were holding back on each other and we won’t progress if we keep holding back-“

“Even when we’re holding back Y/N we are stronger than all the other Padawans! Fuck, we are stronger than all the past Jedi’s combined! You realise what we can achieve together Y/N? We can start the trials now! We can be the youngest Jedi’s to ever exist! We can singlehandedly take over the Galaxy if we wanted to and that frightens him!” He yelled before punching the wall and creating a dent. He then felt a hand on his shoulder, your hand on his shoulder.

“Ben, you must not think like that. We must obey Master Luke and listen to his words of wisdom even though we might not agree with it. Anger leads to the dark side,” you spoke gently, your thumb rubbing circles on his shoulder. Ben closed his eyes, focusing on your touch. He felt himself slowly calming down. That’s what you always did, you helped him calm down, you brought the light back into him whenever anger had consumed him.

He always thought that he was the moon and you were the sun. Without you, he’d be lost in the void of darkness. Without you, he would not be able to see the light.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” his voice cracked as his shoulder slumped down. You nodded at him, giving him a hug. He closed his eyes, breathing in your addictive and heavenly scent. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

•

You sat on top of the temple as you and Ben tried to forget what had happened earlier. You both usually did this when everyone else was sleeping; sneak out and look at the stars, the planets. It was a nice getaway from all the Jedi nonsense and responsibilities that tag along with the title.

“Can I tell you something Y/N?” Ben spoke, lifting up his head and placing it on his hand to face you. You turned around with a smile, also facing him.

“You can tell me anything,” you spoke. Ben watched as the moon reflected against your eyes, giving you an ethereal look. His face turned red as the intensity of your eyes, your beauty, was too much from him. You gave him this weird feeling inside of him and he felt a strong connection, a link, with you.

“Are you- are you scared of me?” He asked, his voice small as he was scared of your reply. You looked at him in shock, shaking your head at him.

“No, why would you ask that?”

“I heard Master Luke speak to you, telling you to watch out,” He replied back, looking at his hands in vulnerability. “I try, you know. I try to be the best I can be. But when your own mother is scared of you, when your own Uncle warns people of you, it’s just-“

“Disheartening?” You finished for him. He clenched his jaw, trying to hold back his emotion as he silently nodded. You then grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I think that everyone was wrong to do that. Your mother, your father and your uncle are so wrong about you Ben. You’re an amazing guy. You’re sweet, compassionate, a leader and a hero. You shouldn’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.”

‘You are amazing,’ he also heard you say, but your mouth didn’t move. He was confused, thinking his mind was playing tricks on him. But then he realised it was your thoughts. It was a Jedi Power, to be able to read minds. However, you were the first person he could ever read the mind of, which threw him off.

“Thank you,” Ben replied back after a while, shaking his thoughts of reading your mind out of his head. However he did it, he didn’t want to do it again. He felt like he was invading your privacy. “You are the only person who’s ever been there for me, who’s ever cared. And I owe you an eternal debt that I know could never be repaid-“

You interrupted him, smashing your lips against him. This took Ben by surprise, now too frozen to reply respond to your kiss. He couldn’t think properly, let alone move. He couldn’t stop thinking about your soft, wet lips against his, grazing his ever so delicately. He felt all the nerves within him fire, this being his first ever kiss, now imprinted forever in the back of his mind.

But right as soon as he was going to kiss back, right when his thoughts finally made sense, you had pulled back. He felt the coldness from the absence of your lips. He was so close, just a secound longer and he would’ve replied back to your kiss. But he was too late.

“I’m- I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-“ you begun before letting out a groan as your whole face went red. You did not know what had gotten over you. He was just rambling, looking dashing as ever and you had an instinct, an impulse. “Oh god, this is so embarrassing! I mean, I can’t believe I just kissed you!”

You didn’t mean anything by that last statement, but Ben felt a deep pang inside his chest. The anxiety and depression had further grown tenfolds within him and he felt like the most unwanted living thing in the world. Ben retracted back, finding it hard to breathe.

Was kissing him really that bad, he had thought. Were you really repulsed and turned off from him that kissing him that it was unbelievable and disgusting?

“Can we- can we just forget this happened please?” You asked him, removing your hands to look at him. Ben couldn’t speak so he just nodded at you, gulping. You nodded back before getting up in a hurry. “Well, I’m pretty tired so I’ll just head to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast?”

Ben nodded for the second time today as he watched you quickly scurry off. He then lifted his hand up, his fingers grazing against his lips. He could still feel your lips against him, like a ghost. Him not being able to kiss you back will forever play as nightmares in his sleep. It was his one and only chance to kiss you and now he will never taste your lips ever again.

When you were finally out a sight, Ben clenched his jaw, smashing his fist against the roof beneath him. He then looked up at the sky, feeling isolated and outcasted.

‘Did you really think you might actually have a chance with her?’ He had heard a voice call out, this time a male. He quickly got up, now alert. He pulled out a lightsaber, now in attack mode as he kept spinning around to try to find the source of the voice.

“Who are you!” Ben had called out, feeling fear at the sound of the voice. He then gulped, seeing that there was no one in sight. Wind blew against leaves on the trees, making a rustling sound. There was an owl hooting meters away from him.

‘You will soon find out, my young protégée.’

Taglist (OPEN)

@lafy-taffy @ah-callie @eridanuswave @janilovecookies @penny4yrthoughts @hello-juuliana @lullaboid @artsyzartsi @ieatboyss @thescarletknight2014 @oh-mymendes @marrypuffsstuff @simonsbluee @i-have-arrived-bitch @lizziekins @treestarrrrrrrr @petalduck @forksoffortune @vitalissparda @morningdangerheart @laubluered @killtherandomness @bootyshaketaylor @rintheemolion @channna @ashleymarieriffle @oopsiedoopsie23 @cynthianokamaria @spn-obsession @bugga-bee @idontliveanymorekay @theboyxwholived @bookgirlunicorn @princess-yuna

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #ben solo #ben solo x reader #luke skywalker #ben solo x y/n #ben solo x you #kylo ren x y/n #kylo ren x you #adam driver #adam driver x reader #star wars the force awakens #star wars the rise of skywalker

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caffiine · 3 years

Text

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS. I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being” but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back.

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #oh and #saileen #just to make sure theyre not forgotten #dean winchester #castiel #Misha Collins #jensen ackles #15x18 #15x20 #15x19 #i fucking guess #dean x castiel #casdean #castiel x dean #supernatural season 15

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ronnie-azumane · 3 years

Text

Kitten?

This is something I came up with at midnight while trying to complete my numerous missing assignments. I apologize in advance

Summary: Tsukishima Kei is a mod of a discord server And with his luck, he finds his first love on the server he runs. He falls head over heels, and vows to fulfill all her needs. However, not everything is what it seems.

Tsukishima was a simple man with simple likes. Granted, However, these likes weren’t as commonplace among his peers.

Sure, he moderated a Discord Server full of people of all ages. In said server, they would play games and talk about the various shows they watched together, some of which were considered children shows.

“Anyone catch the new episode of My Little Pony?” someone on the server would ask.

Tsukishima would bat in immediately, saying, “Remember the two-week spoiler warning, everything else must be covered and properly tagged.” He was the perfect mod, as he was both online all the time he didn’t have school or practice, as well as he was a stickler for the rules. Plus, he had only recently gained access to last week’s episode not long ago, therefore, he had not seen the new episode.

Another thing he liked to do on this server was talk to others on the voice call feature. He enjoyed talking to the many people who decided to join the server, even making a couple of friends, which he refused to believe for the longest time.

One of these many friends was a user that went by the name of gamergirl05. She was a peculiar person, only logging in late at night and logging out early in the morning, only to be away from her computer until late that night again.

She intrigued Tsukishima. Not only was she one of the only girls on the server, she always seemed to be on the voice chat. She never typed messages, never spoke, unless she was spoken to on the voice call.

Her voice was soft and breathy, with a medium pitch. Her profile picture was a white cartoon cat against a pastel pink background. Sometimes, when playing videogames, you could here her grunt in frustration every once in a while.

Tsukishima couldn’t help from gaining a crush.

She didn’t seem clingy, she seemed rather chill and independent, it was like God itself sent this woman into Tsukishima’s life.

She was perfect.

Tsukishima couldn’t help but get excited whenever he saw that she was online. He would always join the voice call whenever he saw she was online.

They would have meaningful conversation. Tsukishima would learn much about her. She was living in Tokyo. She was a year older than Tsukishima; a second year in high school. She had been playing videogames for as long as she could remember. She has an overactive imagination, pretending that she was getting chased by dragons and facing checkpoints every time she walked to school in the morning. She wasn’t popular, but had a couple of close knit friends.

The more they talked, the more Tsukishima fell head over heels. However, the more he started to fall for her, the more he realized that he didn’t know how to express himself in a positive way. He was known as a negative nelly most of his life, with his relationship with the fellow members of the Karasuno volleyball club solidifying that feeling of disgust he felt toward others. Ever with his best friend Yamaguchi he was unable to show positive feelings toward, even though he didn’t feel anything negative toward his best friend.

Unknowing what to do, he looked up online ‘how to show someone you like them,’ only to come up with a website offering a free test to those wondering what their love language was. perfect.

Tsukishima took the test, answering each question as truthfully as he could, even asking his mom what she thought of him for one of the questions.

After thirty minutes of reading, understanding, and clicking, Tsukishima gat the result he was looking for- his love language.

His love language was gift-giving.

He knew exactly what to do at that point.

Later that night, he stared at the voice call box, waiting for a certain someone to join the call. At 11:00pm on the dot, gamergirl05 joined the call. Tsukishima joined the call soon after.

“Um, hey, uh, how was your day?” Tsukishima asked her.

“My day? I guess it was okay,” she replied. Her voice was still light and breathy as usual. Not too high-pitched as to make Tsukishima believe that she was fake, and not to low to make her sound unattractive to him. The perfect voice for arguably the perfect human.

“Do you have Nitro by any chance?” Tsukishima asked her.

“No, I don’t see the benefit for paying for it myself,” she replied.

“If someone got it for you, would you use it?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“I-I Don’t mid gifting it to you, if you tell me your Venmo, Ill send the money right now!”

“Ok.”

She read off a couple of letters and numbers, spelling out her Venmo for him to gift money to. Tsukishima used his mom’s credit card to send her over $50, with the unspoken promise of paying her back one day, even though she didn’t even know her youngest son stole her card.

They talked the rest of the night, until Tsukishima had to go to bed.

XxX

Tsukishima didn’t let up on his gifts to gamergirl05, or Cat as she started referring herself to. Anything she mentioned offhandedly form a new skin to a longing for a fast food meal, Tsukishima sent her the appropriate funds needed to retrieve that item.

Each monetary gift he sent on Venmo was given a reply of the kissing face emoji.

Tsukishima was over the moon. Not only was he becoming better at volleyball every day after school, but he was also getting closer and closer to Cat. When he found out that he was going to Tokyo for a training camp, he excitedly went online that night to tell cat about how he was going to be in Tokyo and that maybe they could meet up.

“Sorry, but I have plans for that weekend,” Cat said. Tsukishima sighed, but figured as much. He was disappointed, but not surprised.

However, he picked himself up by the bootstraps and packed up his stuff to go to Tokyo for the training camp.

XxX

The weekend was tough. Karasuno faced loss after loss against the Tokyo powerhouse schools. However, the team had learned a lot about both themselves and their offensive and defensive power.

After a long weekend of training, all the guys were sore. All their muscles were aching and screaming, begging for some relief. The coaches complied, supplying all the players with all the watermelon they could eat.

All the players gathered into groups, talking within each other’s friend groups. Tsukishima kept his distance from the others, with Yamaguchi joining in with them. They talked about various topics here and there, but nothing too serious.

Tsukishima was starting to zone out, thinking about Cat, and what she may or may not be doing. He hated to admit it, but he was head over heels in love, even though he had never seen Cat in a picture, much less in person.

While Tsukishima was zoning out, thinking of his unofficial lover, Hinata, Kenma, and Lev gathered nearby, talking loudly about who knows what. Tsukishima wasn’t paying attention, until the topic of discord came up. All his focus then went into listening in on this conversation.

“So you guys are on discord? What servers are you guys in?” Hinata asked.

“Not too many, I bet Kenma’s on a couple though,” Lev replied, only for Kenma to grunt in reply.

“Oh really! What servers are you on, Kenma?”

“Ehh, just a couple here and there. I frequent a My Little Pony server because a mod there gives me money a lot.”

Tsukishima felt a shock run throughout his body. A My Little Pony server? Maybe he was on the same server as him. He would never bring it up, but he was glad to know someone on the server; talking to 12-year-olds all day did get old.

“Wait, someone pays you to be on a My Little Pony server?” Lev asked.

“No, I think he is somehow attracted to me, every time I mention something I want, he sends me money.” Kenma replied, taking a massive bite out of his watermelon slice.

‘That’s kind of odd, who would give money like that to a guy like Kenma?’ Tsukishima thought.

“How did you do that, Kenma? I could sure use the extra cash,” Hinata asked.

“Well, Kuroo taught me to raise my voice like this to sound like some kind of gamer girl,” Kenma explained in a girly voice. Not too high to sound fake, not too low to sound unattractive. Perfect.

Just like Cat.

‘This has to be a coincidence, there’s no way that Kenma and Cat are the same person’ Tsukishima desperately thought.

“Oh, do you guys want to be friends on Discord, so we can keep in contact?” Hinata asked.

“I guess. I’m gamergirl05#0000,” Kenma replied, essentially murdering Tsukishima with his response.

Tsukishima stood up from where he was sitting. Forgetting the fact that he was still supposed to be in a conversation with Yamaguchi, he left the area, trying to find a secluded area, eventually settling for a small ally in between two of the gyms.

Once making sure he couldn’t be seen, he let all his held-in emotions out. He screamed up to the sky as the threw his watermelon rind against the wall, watching it break into numerous pieces.

“My Heart!” he screamed out, “I loved her!” He sank to the ground and let the tears flow. As he wailed out in despair, he covered his face with one hand while knocking his fist against the grass with his other.

Yamaguchi, who saw this all go down, ran up to go comfort his best friend. He didn’t know what was going on, other than the fact that his best friend was a mess on the floor.

How was Tsukishima going to tell his mom, who was already suspicious of him stealing her credit cards, that the money wasn’t being spent on her future Daughter in law? How was he going to log back in on the server, knowing he was cat fished?

He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. All he knew at that moment was the soft an warm hand of Yamaguchi softly rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him down.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #hq #yamaguchi tadashi #yamaguchi #hinata shōyō #shoyo hinata #kenma #kenma kuzome #lev haiba #fanfiction #this fanfic is stupid af I'm sorry #discord #discord mod #discord kitten

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missjackil · 3 years

Text

My 15x20 Opinion (The SPN Finale)

Carry On

It’s taken me a few days to write this, because I’m an emotional wreck. I still cant wrap my head around the fact that the show is over, and in such a permentant way. I’m not exagerating when I say, it feels like someone I love in real life died. In 2001 I lost my best friend since I was 7 (I was 34 at the time) and in 2011 I lost the love of my life, in 2018 I lost my Dad. This feels the same, and as with the others, it has its own unique pain. Personal just to me and how does my ife change because of it. So please forgive me in advance for periods of silence I may have, as well as days where I don’t shut up. This grief is real.

Anyway, about the episode, the first half was wonerful! Domestic Winchesters is one of my favorite things! Dean snuggling Miracle could not get any cuter, and half naked, fresh from the shower Sam couldnt get any hotter! Teeth brushing, bed making, laundry doing *sigh* what more can a fan girl ask for? Oh yeah!! Sam smushing pie in Dean’s face!! God I love these two!

My anxiety built as the boys went on their hunt. I new this would be where shit hit the fan, but I wasn’t prepared for the level of shock I experienced. When the Vamp got Sam down and Dean wasn’t watching, I was sure this would be where Sam gets mortally wounded and we get the epic, emotional death scene, which would surely be followed by Dean going into a rage, losing his shit on the rest of the vamps and getting himself killed in the process, but that’s not how it went. When Dean backed into the rebar I just screamed “NOOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO!!!” I wasn’t ready for Sam to be the survivor and I was NOT ready for how deeply painful Dean’s death scene would be. Im nowhere near over it yet. I started sobbing, and didn’t stop for the next 2 hours.

Sam’s grief was devistating, I felt all of it. J2 acted their asses off and from what they’d said, they had broken character at times and what we got was real. When Sam got a phone call for a case and he took the dog with him, looked around the bunker and shut all the lights off, I knew he wasnt coming back.

Switch over to Dean in Heaven with Bobby, explaining that Jack fixed it so Heaven is open now, no private worlds, everyone could move around freely. This stung a little bit, thinking it kind of negated Sam and Dean’s Heaven, but it does’t really. The fact that it had been acknowledged that Heaven had been separate worlds, shows me they didn’t forget, and this is why now everyone can be together.

Dean said it was :”almost perfect” and Bobby knew why and said “He’ll be along” knowing Dean wont truly be happy without Sam. Then Dean took a drive in Baby, he didn’t go see mom and dad, he didnt go find Cas, he went to a bridge to wait patiently for Sam.

Now we flash back over to Sam. When I saw him with a kid, my heart sunk. They’re gonna ruin what was absolutey beautiful so far by Sam living a happy life with Eileen and their kid!! But, that’s not really how it was, was it? There was no emphisis at all on Eileen or even if it was her he ended up with, or even how much a part of Sam and Dean Jr’s life she was. It was always just Sam and Dean Jr. When elder Sam went in the garage and uncovered Baby and just sat in her and cried, I knew he may be happy with his boy but his life is empty without his brother. 15, 20 years later, Sam still grieves. Finally, Sam is an old man, bed ridden and on machines, still wearing Dean’s watch, and he sheds one last tear as Dean Jr lets him go.

Ok to me, Sam didn’t get “A long happy normal life” after Dean died. Sam existed because he promised Dean he would, but he was miserable without him. What’s that line from Red Meat we all love? “After everything we survived together, I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that” So, this to me was no slap in the Winchester face, this is poor Sam suffering from 6 mos old till the moment he died as a sick old man.

Flash back over to Dean. still waiting on that bridge and without even turning around, a smile spreads accross his face ... he’s finally here! “Hiya Sam” and there he is, just the way Dean remembered him, not a sick old man. Sam smiles and just says “Dean” and we have the best and happiest brohug ever!! The break and walk to the rail to look out over Heaven. Dean’s arm atill around Sam, he looks at him with such adoration. and his expression couldn’t be mistaken for anything else besides “Now, it’s perfect” and my boys are together safe and at peace for eternity.....The End.

This finale wasn;t what I wanted per se, though I ultimately wanted the boys together in the end and I got that, so I am abundantly grateful, knowing how many BAD ways this could have gone. Ultimately I would have liked an end like the end of 15x19, where theyre alive to fight another day and drive into the sunset, or to retire and have their toes in the sand somewhere. Or even drive off a cliff together, hand in hand, but I wouldnt have gotten than raw excruciating display of pure unbreakable love. “I love you so much... my little brother” is the best thing Ive ever heard. Their heads pressed together was the most touching thing Ive ever seen. So Im grateful.

After gnawing on it, thinking, and allowing some time to pass, Im gonna say I loved the ending. It wasn’t perfect but Im satisfied. It took a long time to get to “Now it’s perfect” which I will take with me as the last words of the show (even though they technically were never spoken) but it was worth the journey.

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, Ill give Carry on a 10. Thank you Dabb for drowning me in bro love, and thank you J2 for kicking it in the ass and pouring your heart and souls into it.

Rest in Peace boys. I love you both so very much.💔😭💕

#SPN Finale spoilers #15x20 #my opinion #i miss you so much #come back soon please #im not okay

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circumstellars · 4 years

Note

Hello there! Can I have a ficlet with dialogue prompt, 'What's making him scream like that?' for Five and Diego, or any siblings you like ;)

[Ok so this turned out slightly longer than intended, but I was able to blend it together with another idea I had for a follow up to this ficlet.

The context is that this is canon compliant in that it happens somewhere near the end of S1EP4, when passed out drunk Five is recovering in Diego’s bed.

Basically Five has an PTSD episode, or a night terror if that’s easier, and the line you prompted I rearranged and altered a bit to fit the scene, so I hope that’s okay?

In this addition to the canon, when they were little Ben begins to have trouble controlling the otherworldly monster he uses, and Five has made a promise he won’t let things get out of hand. Fast forward to S1, where Luther and Diego are taking care of him, but before Al comes to deliver Eudora’s message, and it is sandwiched between two Five apocalypse flashbacks.

So so so many thanks to @michlle, or @/kkie on TUA Adult Fan Discord server. She’s an amazing beta that helped me in a pinch! So the only reason my grammar is so much better than usual is entirely thanks to her.

Very angsty. Blood, just a snippet a violence. Brotherly pain all around, emotional suffering. Enjoy! I hope you like it.]

================================================

⟨p⟩=md⟨x⟩/dt=mddt∫∞−∞x|ψ|2dx=m∫∞−∞x∂|ψ|2∂tdx. 'It's a simple fucking equation, what is wrong?' His shaky fingers struggled with the chalk, accidentally snapping off one end against the concrete wall. Five swore, making a face at the broken piece of chalk like it spoke ill of his mother.

Oh god. Mom. His face crumpled. 'The expectation values of displacement and momentum... obey time evolution equations analogous with,' a wet cough interrupted his deflated musing. He spun around and rested against the concrete he had been writing on moments before, before turning an eye to Dolores. '... the mechanics of Schrödinger’s equation.' Dolores gave him a weary look. Five avoided her gaze. She didn't know. It's not like she had been forced to pick up quantum physics at age ten, and really, he had to forgive her for that. The sun was powerful today, as it had been at least seventeen of the twenty-six days he'd been stuck in the apocalyptic ruins of his former city. It should have only been the end of April, if that newspaper clipping he held close was in fact the last thing to have been printed, but it felt hotter than middle July easily. The aggressive winds of mid-afternoon whipped all sorts of debris into his frail body and any exposed skin, and Five simply couldn't risk any injuries that could deplete his energy. He was on the cusp of fixing this, he could feel it in his exhausted bones.

He swallowed down the start of a painful sob, careful to steel over his expression. 'I know you said something about the farthest right term Dolores, but I'm not neglecting it,' Five chided, breathing into the dirty scarf around his face.

He turned around and scooped up the chalk he had rejected moments ago. 'The spatial extent of the particle wavefunction isn't smaller than the variation length-scale of the potential. You're clever, and pretty, but not that clever.'

Five snorted at his own banter, smiling into the trails of chalk spilling from his hand as it ran across the rubble. 'Now, listen carefully this time...' --- Diego unceremoniously dropped Dolores on a nearby chair. The fuck is this for? He gave the mannequin an odd look. A few steps away Luther lowered their brother carefully into Diego's roomy, luxurious twin cot, rolling the sleepy, drunken Five so that he was resting comfortably on his side.

Diego sidled next to Luther, joining him in looking over their tiny brother. Small, frozen in time for them both in memory and now, awkwardly, in reality too. The baby fat still very much clung to his still rounded features and made him look impossibly younger in a way that brought nostalgia roaring up the esophagus like heartburn. He was supposedly twice their age now? Diego scrunched his nose; to think this child, for all intents and purposes, laid here so serenely- so sweetly, dare he say it, looked like a boy who'd just tired himself out at school that day. Yet he knew, the moment Five sobered up, the illusion would crumble swiftly and without mercy. 'Funny, if I didn't know he was such a prick, I'd say he looks almost adorable in his sleep.'

Luther snorted. 'Well, don't worry. He'll sober up eventually... and be back to his normal, unpleasant self.'

That's not good enough. 'Yeah - I can't wait that long.' Diego spun on his heel, intending to grab provisions. Five had about ten minutes of rest before Diego would be ready to forcibly pull him into consciousness with soda crackers and ginger-ale. 'I need to find out what connections he has to these lunatics before someone else dies.'

Luther didn't respond right away, eyes flickering to Five and back. He looked pensive, uncomfortable. Diego still hadn’t gotten used to the subtle changes in Luther's personality; it was disquieting the way he looks so much bigger than he used to, and yet now he seems so much smaller to Diego than he ever physically was. The big man had an air of constant uncertainty around him.

'That stuff he was saying before...' Luther began after a moment, 'what do you think he meant by that?' Diego glanced over his shoulder at Five's sleeping figure, curled up tightly in foetal position. His expression darkened in his sleep, and Diego frowned. 'I don't know...' The words came slowly, his focus narrowing in on his littlest brother. He turned quickly again, box of soda crackers forgotten on his dingy counter.

Five began to fuss, still unconscious, but his body began to shake some, and his entire expression was pinched in discomfort. Luther was watching Diego, puzzled, and followed his eyes back to Five on the cot behind him.

Then came the screaming.

Both Luther and Diego jumped back in alarm as the most harrowing, stomach-churning scream came from Five. He was folded into himself, clutching at his own biceps so hard his knuckles were bone-white. The screams that were coming from him sounded so raw Diego was sure he was damaging his vocal cords in some way.

Luther came down from his initial shock quicker than Diego and was at the cot in an instant. Diego held his breath, jaw fighting to unhinge. He was always quick in his reflexes, but something held Diego down and glued his feet to the floor. His body was alarmingly stiff with inaction.

Luther was gripping at Five, holding him as he jerked back and forth, scream after scream tearing through his rattled body. Over and over Luther tried to talk over Five, wake him up, continuously asking him what is wrong and 'what is happening Five? Can't you hear me?'

'W-ww-why is h-h-h-he screaming like t-that?'

Diego’s broken voice was swallowed up in the cacophony of Five's agonising wailing and Luther's panicked mantra of Five, Five, Please Five, Five!

Five's painful screams were tearing bloody wounds into Diego’s eardrums, and the sound of his little brother in such convincingly raw misery pulled terrifying tremors up from deep within his belly.

Go.

What happened?

Iego.

Five?

'-Iego. Diego! Diego!' Luther's voice hit him like an anvil. 'Hey?'

Why is he screaming like that?

All at once life moved forward with a start. Air sucked its way back into Diego's lungs and his attention snapped to his brothers. Five was no longer on the bed, but crumpled over on their large brother's lap, clutching not his own arms anymore but instead had all ten, trembling fingers gripped into Luther's jacket for absolute, dear life. Luther had a pained expression etched into his normally hard visage, and his arms came up to hold Five in place as gently as Diego had ever seen his giant brother move. It only dawned on him then, that Five wasn't screaming anymore.

Diego moved quietly, setting himself on the bed next to his brothers as silently as he could, almost as if he were afraid to spook an already terrified deer pinned between a rocky ledge and an oncoming truck.

Mindlessly Diego laid his gloved hand to his little brother's head, cupping the back of it gingerly. Something heavy threatened to pull his heart into his guts, and the struggle disguised itself in the shadows of his expression.

For a while everything was deadly quiet. The pipes in the old building gurgled apropos nothing, the boxing business outside long closed for the evening with only Al's occasional footsteps any sure sign life still existed outside this hole he called home.

Diego couldn't hear much else, aside from the ragged breaths shaking Five's small chest. His eyes were still closed, creased with concern, delicate fans of black eyelashes twitching as his brain worked through whatever dark secrets Five hadn’t dared to yet share with any of his siblings.

'Five...' but Diego’s voice aborted the words in his throat, and he met Luther's eyes. He found no answers.

What did you see, Five?

--- Day 42.

A rat scampered past Five’s feet and jumped into a pile of debris outside the remains of a nearby fast-food joint. He shaded his eyes with his left hand and looked over the large expanse of the now lifeless tundra he used to call home. The details of everything in the distance dissolved into the intensely hot horizon.

‘Today is as good a day as any,’ he said, exhaling loudly. Dolores agreed from where she was perched in her wagon. I’m ready.

Five ripped off his weighty, layered scarf and tossed it to the ground. Today is the day. He was going to get back to his family.

He took another deep breath and ran over some calculations a final time in his head, his eyebrows pinching together with determination. Focus.

First, just a hum. Then, a moment later a spark. Five growled and redoubled his efforts, tightening his fists as hard as they would go, until the jagged half-moons of his nails cut right into the flesh of his palms.

‘Come on!’ And then it appeared. Small, at first, but definitely, absolutely, positively the start of the vortex, undeniable as it began flickering into existence. It was immediately apparent Five couldn’t do this for a second longer than he had to; every muscle in his body was desperately working to help him rip a hole right into the material of the space-time continuum, and pain blossomed in every limb, one after another.

‘COME ON!’ The air around the wormhole became unstable, trying to escape the vacuum and whipping everything around Five into a frenzy. Dolores tipped over in her wagon, and Five nearly lost his grip on the material of time. He willed himself into ignoring her momentarily, letting out a howl as he pulled open the vortex as far as it would go. Five inhaled shakily, and let go.

I did it. There it was. He was finally going home. Five’s knees nearly buckled underneath him as he was hit with a heady wave of excitement and relief. Luther. Vanya. Ben! Diego-- all of them. He was going to see them all again, today. Now. Tears spilt from his eyes, but he didn’t take any notice. There were flickers of life beyond the vortex, and then faces, and bodies, and Allison and Klaus, unmistakable as they filtered in and out of focus like the signal was dying on an old television set. Five was animated in an instant and turned to grab Dolores. They had to go. Now. He scooped up her feather-light body. ‘Leave it, Dolores! We don’t have time!’ He’d find her a new sweater once they were home. Hell, he’d buy her a whole rack of her own sweaters, anything Dolores wants, if only they got home right now.

And then the screaming came.

Five whipped around.

Again. First one voice, then two. Many more joined them, and Five ran toward the wormhole.

‘BEN!’

Ben? Five braced himself against the pull of the vortex, the air thin and difficult to pull into his lungs. It whipped around him with a force he’d never felt before, and his hat and goggles were snatched from his head and thrown well into the distance. The shrieking was getting louder, closer, and the images from the other side pieced together the closer Five inched into its grip. The voices were blood-curdling, and his whole body went cold with terror.

‘Diego, don’t!’

‘Ben! Klaus, get out of the way!’

‘BEEEEEEEEEEEENNN!’

‘BEN! WHATS HAPPENING!?’

‘BEN!’

No.

No, no.

He was going back, it was going to be okay. Five was going back, it was going to be okay.

It all happened within the span of three seconds.

The fuzzy images of his siblings running, screaming, blood soaked into their clothes, painted across their young faces – dripping from their feet as they scrambled away.

Ben.

Ben’s body dangling nearly fifteen feet off the ground, monstrous appendages thrashing wildly and destroying the surroundings with savage flings.

Two grotesque limbs held his bloodied and mangled brother skywards, uninhibited by his terrified screams.

No.

No. no. no. no.

No. no. no. no. no. nonononono-

‘Someone stop him!’

‘Klaus you can’t! KLAUS-‘

It felt like his skin was being flayed from his muscle. Five thought he might have been screaming too but couldn’t hear anything. All he knew for sure was the feeling of his molecules being pulled apart.

Everything was silent. Like the deadness of space itself, for a fraction of a second, a microscopic fragment of time - absolutely nothing existed. Crunch.

The blood that hit his face hurt. And then someone pressed play.

Everything moved again and it knocked the wind out of his lungs. Five was violently thrown from the throes of the wormhole, sucked back into his own point in time and tossed several feet backwards into strewn debris.

‘NO!’

The vortex he’d spent forty-two days working on was gone, just like that. Absorbed into the material of space, the deep wound he’d used every ounce of energy to create was now healed over in a matter of seconds, lost to some other dimension and out of his grasp. Ben. He’d promised him. He had promised his brother he would be there, that he would figure it out.

That Ben wouldn’t die. But Five let him. He watched the brutal final seconds of his brother’s life, his body torn into pieces by the beast he tried so hard to contain. Five wasn’t there.

He didn’t make it. He had told Ben he wouldn’t let him die, but he did, and Five just watched it happen, unable to do absolutely fucking shit. The sun was merciless. It baked Ben’s blood on every part that had briefly touched the other side. It settled into the cracks of the tattered skin on his right hand, pulled at the skin under his eyes and on his cheeks – crusted where it had dripped into his mouth and over his tongue. When the trance that numbed Five finally broke, it was nightfall.

He still sat on his haunches, a few fingers on his left hand barely curled around Dolores’ shirt. And when it did, and his throat finally moved to swallow, his limbs twitching with overwhelming pain, and his chest trembling violently, the only thing Five could feel was the fiery strain of the unending wailing that tore ceaselessly from his lungs.

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #request fill #ficlets #five hargreeves #diego hargreeves #ben hargreeves #luther hargreeves #attempted canon-compliant angst featuring a bunch of the emotionally stunted man-children #my nonsense #mywriting #myworks #myficlets

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truthbeetoldmedia · 5 years

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iZombie 5x13 "All’s Well That Ends Well" Review

Hello friends, are we ready to say goodbye? I was a little nervous coming into this finale, seeing as there was so much to wrap up, and therefore...much to mess up. As a result, the pacing was indeed a little strange, but some minor characters get some hero moments, and it was all setting up a final ten minutes that essentially functioned as an epilogue that sealed the series.

Okay, let’s dig in. Enzo has taken over Fillmore Graves and has declared war on humans. Dolly and her people have responded in kind, going around New Seattle taking out high ranking zombies. While gunfire rains over the city, Ravi, Clive, and Liv are returning from Atlanta with the vial needed for the cure.

Even though it’s risky, they choose to fly to get back faster. Liv’s plane seatmate is suspicious, insisting she’s seen Liv before. Even though the official heist is over, the trio show they still have a few smooth moves, and manage to slip a sedative into the woman’s drink so she’ll stop asking questions. As she sleeps soundly, her iPad drops to the floor of the cabin. She must have figured it out right before she’s knocked out — the flight attendant picks up the device and sees the browser is open to an article about Liv and her work as Renegade.

When the plane lands, the flight attendant pulls Clive, Liv, and Ravi from their seats and introduces them to a Portland police officer. After a brief moment of anxiety, the flight attendant reveals they are siblings, and Liv saved their younger sister’s life by smuggling her into Seattle and turning her into a zombie. The officer offers to escort them to the Washington border as a thank you, and in hopes they can get back to Seattle quicker. Clive is happy to hear this, as he gets a message that Dale is labor with their baby.

Major turns himself in to get a shot at securing the Max Rager, and luckily he still has one more ally back at Fillmore Graves. Lieutenant Collins has always been a steadfast supporter of Major, and she truly comes through in his hour of need. She helps him get past Enzo and his lackeys so he can get to the precious energy drink needed for the cure. As a result, Enzo executes her. Lieutenant Collins was always a background character, but she was one that I always respected and appreciated, and without her, Major wouldn’t have been able to make it out of Fillmore Graves alive. We’re pouring one out for her tonight.

Meanwhile, Peyton is still being held hostage by Blaine. She helps the Freylich kids make a distraction by conking him over the head, and tossing the keys to Oliver, the older boy with a terminal illness. He drives the getaway car, but Peyton doesn’t quite make it out with the rest of them. The Freylich smuggler shoots at Peyton, and while she takes him out, he gets her too. Blaine runs out to see Peyton bleeding out on the ground.

The kids make it back to the safe house, just as Liv and Ravi are arriving. When they realize Peyton didn’t return with them, they get emotional. Ravi nearly falls apart before Liv reminds them they have an important job to do. She tells Ravi to get to cooking the cure, and she would deal with Blaine. She promises to show no mercy.

Luckily, Blaine’s obsession with Peyton serves her well in this instance. He turns her into a zombie and forces to eat a meal with him. It’s pretty incredible Peyton has survived this whole series without becoming a zombie, but I guess the virus comes for everyone eventually. Unfortunately for Blaine, he should have been more calculating about the brain he fed her. Don E watches Peyton while Blaine goes to visit the well on his father’s property (the one that also used to serve as his father’s prison). Don E is delighted when Peyton has her first vision, but in a dead-panned voice, she tells him she saw Blaine suffocating a girl with a pillow, wearing a wedding dress and calling for Don E. While we still never see the true circumstances of Darcy’s death on-screen, I’m more inclined to trust Peyton’s version of things than Blaine’s. It’s the last straw for Don E, who storms to the well and unceremoniously pushes Blaine in. “No one was ever going to love you,” Don E screams down the well. “I’m the only person who could stand you, and you killed my fiance.” Liv shows up just in time to see the show and she hesitates even less. She hurls a rock at Don E and her aim is true. Don E goes in the well right after Blaine. “Enjoy eternity together!” she sneers, just as she bursts into tears, grieving Peyton. One has to wonder, if this was all that it took to get rid of these two, perhaps it should have been done a long time ago. It certainly would have saved Liv a lot of headaches. I find that even though it was a simple death, it was a deserving one for Blaine and Don E. I was hoping for more of a redemptive moment for Don E, but it took him way too long to see the light, and he’s been complicit in Blaine’s schemes since the very beginning. By the end, he was a richer character, but still an evil one. I’m okay with those two being a little closer to hell now.

Besides, it was all worth it for the moment right after. “How funny would it be if now I knocked you in,” Peyton says. Liv turns around to see her best friend, and the two reunite in a sweet hug. This moment made me a little emotional. These two college buddies have morphed into two very capable and clever young women, and they’ve been by each other’s side through the worst of it.

Blaine and Don E may be out of the picture, but we but we aren’t even close to the end yet! Clive and Dale deliver a beautiful and healthy baby. It essentially takes them out of all the action, but I thought, for better or worse, it was a strong choice. I was glad I didn’t have to worry about either of them dying in the eleventh hour, and they were able to watch everything from their television screens without being in danger.

Ravi finally creates the cure, and he and Major dramatically roll up to the local TV station. After a brief attempt at convincing Johnny Frost to take the cure, Major takes matters into his own hands. “I’m here to prove to the people that it’s over,” he says. He strikes a deal. Major will take the cure, and Enzo can shoot him in the chest in front of everyone. If he dies, it proves he’s not a zombie. It’s just the kind of stupidly heroic thing that Major would do, and Enzo takes him up on it. Major takes the cure and Enzo shoots him more times than can be counted. It’s traumatic, and they really had me believing that our boy was probably dead. Ravi tackles Enzo and manages to cure him. Graham, who had been sneaking around the background the entire episode, appears and shoots Enzo in the head, avenging his boyfriend. A Fillmore Graves officer takes him out, and chaos breaks out. RIP sweet teacher Graham. Outside the TV station, there’s intense gunfire being exchanged between Fillmore Graves, Dead Enders, and Dolly’s CHICS. Inside, the power goes out.

Ravi crawls over to what appears to be a lifeless Major, while we listen to a voicemail he left for Liv. He says goodbye because he doesn’t think he’ll survive his latest world-saving stunt, but she’s always been the love of his life. Just when I was beginning to choke up and start preparing for a life without Major Lillywhite, he softly croaks, “You tricky son of a bitch, what was in that syringe you gave me.” Ravi admits that he gave him a vial of straight up Max Rager, but promises him that “next time, it’s all yours.”

Liv is back at the station, bawling while listening to the voicemail and believing Major is dead. Strangely, Michelle comes into the morgue and asks Liv if she’s okay. The moment is brief and someone breaks into the morgue and sets off a huge explosion. And then suddenly, we are ten years into the future.

At first, I was a little let down. This is absolutely the easiest way to wiggle out dealing with the aftermath of Dolly, the other fringe human groups, and all the other plotlines that iZombie didn’t feel like it wanted to deal with neatly. We don’t get to watch how Seattle apparently “repopulated, rebuilt, and rebranded” as we hear in a moment later. But my frustration was short lived, as the last ten minutes were devoted to my beloved core characters that I adore so much.

Clive, Peyton, and Ravi appear on a virtual reality talk show, where a charismatic host asks them questions about their lives after the cure. As three people who had a front row seat to the events, the host wants to get their perspectives. It’s revealed that none of them stayed in New Seattle after the war, but they all went on to have very successful careers and marriages. Ravi and Peyton are a married couple living in Atlanta, she’s a lawyer and Ravi is head of the CDC. Clive and Dale are co-captaining San Francisco PD while raising their kid, as well as Michelle’s. Besides their lives prospering, the world has recovered from this chapter of history. The cure was distributed, and while some were cured, some are still living full lives as zombies. Dolly is still out there, but not causing trouble as far as we know. While this is all lovely and good, this show really makes us sweat here. Where are Liv and Major? The host wants to know as well. The three of them insist that they are both lost to time, legends in their own right, and they miss them just as much as anyone. Liv died in the morgue’s suicide bombing, and while Major never lost hope that she’s alive, no one has seen him in ten years. They’ve accepted that Liv isn’t alive or that Major will never resurface, America will have to accept it too.

Unless...

We see a flashback of Major returning to the safe house with the kids, and Liv meeting them there. They reunite with a passionate kiss, and even though things are still burning and they are covered in dirt and exhausted, things are right again.

In the most “happily ever after” ending the show could have possibly delivered, Liv and Major are living their lives in private, in a huge mansion by the water, with all their little zombie children. Their friends are well aware of this, and are protecting them from the world at large with their reunion interviews. After the host disappears, Liv and Major appear in the virtual reality space, and after some light teasing amongst the group, they invite Clive, Peyton, and Ravi to their personal zombie haven. “All it takes is a scratch,” Liv says with a knowing smile.

This show tackled more than it had a right to. It was convoluted, goofy, strange, exhausting, whimsical, outlandish, absurd, dark, and hilarious, all at the same time. But what grounded it at the center was the fact it never forgot about its core cast. At times they were given unfortunate character arcs, undercooked plots, and under-serving love interests. But in the end, we saw who they truly were. Ravi, the scientist with a moral compass. Peyton, the lawyer with clever smarts. Clive, the captain with a discerning spirit. And Major and Liv, the nurturers and protectors of zombie-kind, the best mom and dad friends you could ever ask for. I can’t express how happy I am the show ended with these five, standing tall and in love with each other, looking well-rested in paradise. It wasn’t an easy road, in fact sometimes it was a very frustrating road. But when I remember iZombie, I’ll remember it was a show about heroes, good over evil, and a really, really good meal. I’m always going to have a soft spot in my heart for it.

Stray thoughts

“She’s googling The Good Place. She thinks I’m Kristen Bell.” “She’ll be sorely disappointed.” This gag was straight up gold.

Those flamethrowers seemed especially cruel? Fire doesn’t kill zombies, but sure seems to be painful

Collins, Graham, Oliver, and Michelle. All minor characters this season that had a Moment this episode. While most of these characters were overall underutilized in this series and season, I liked how each of them were used to tie things together. Oliver was the only one who made it out alive, however, and the rest of them definitely deserved better.

Did the suicide bomber think that blowing up the morgue would prevent creating more zombies…? That’s the only reason I can think why blowing up a fridge full of dead people could make sense.

Wait this actually reveals a strange plot hole. Is there a limit to how long you’ve been dead before you can be scratched and be a zombie? I don’t remember this question ever explicitly being addressed. There was never an instance where anyone considered creating a zombie army from Liv and Ravi’s morgue.

Clive and Dale named their daughter Olivia. My HEART.

Even though Peyton was okay, I’m glad we got to see Major comfort Ravi. Their bromance is truly one for the ages.

“The way I make my decisions these days is asking myself what would Liv Moore do.” This couple is THAT supportive ship.

I wish we had gotten better promo photos for this finale, or at least some more variety of scenes

Even though it’s a little thin to believe that some people never turned back human and there are zombies still peacefully living among us (as well as Liv and Major, living outside), I actually didn’t mind it. They had to have some way to wrap up the problem of people who would die if they turned back into a human.

“I do miss you, partner.” “Vice versa, Clive.” Wow, ten years without Liv’s antics. I imagine that Clive’s productivity at work has gone way up, although I’m sure he sorely misses her crime-solving visions.

That’s a wrap for iZombie. What did you think? Favorite brains? Worst plot holes? Best shipper moments? Let me know your thoughts!

Haley’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝.5

#iZombie #Series Finale #All's Well That Ends Well

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crescentmoon223 · 5 years

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Ships and Dreams

Episode: 7.02 The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati

My prompt for the @xfilesfanficexchange Episode edition, written for @danceswithcybermen. I hope you like it!! xx

Read it on AO3. Read for:

1. This Scully, because... 🔥

2. Who killed Diane Fowley?!

3. What’s going through Scully’s mind in this moment?

Ships and Dreams

In the source of every illness lies its cure.

Scully held steadfast to her belief in this scientific truth, even as her fingers cramped and sweat slid down her spine beneath the heat of the African sun. The craft in front of her was the source of Mulder’s illness. She didn’t yet understand how or why, but the answers were here, and as soon as she’d figured out how to read them, she’d know how to save him. Carefully, she carried her most recent rubbing into the tent to add it to the patchwork of papers assembled there, a recreation of the symbols etched into the surface of the ship.

The rest of the team had already left for the night, understandably spooked after the series of alarming—and dangerous—events that had befallen them. First, a swarm of insects had invaded her tent, and then the water around the ship had become so hot it caused horrible burns on anyone near it. After Dr. Barnes’s arrival, the sea had turned blood red. She couldn’t explain it. She was at a complete loss to explain anything that had happened since the ship had been discovered. But one thing she’d learned in her time with the X Files was that sometimes, she had to accept what she couldn’t explain while she kept searching for the science behind it.

She placed her rubbing on the table and sat. Dr. Barnes might return at any time, and she was determined to get as much work as possible completed in his absence. The man made her intensely uncomfortable, and she had her suspicions that he’d killed Dr. Sandoz, that he would do anything to keep the information on this ship for himself.

She couldn’t let that happen, no more than she could sit helplessly by Mulder’s hospital bed, watching him die. So, she did what she always did when her life spun out of control: she buried herself in work. Except this time, she was working to save his life. She couldn’t lose him, not now, maybe not ever. Tears spilled unbidden over her eyelids, making her glasses fog. She swiped at them impatiently.

There was no time for messy emotions, not until she’d saved him. She drew a deep breath and took a drink of water, pulling herself back together. And then, by the light of her lantern, she worked late into the night, struggling to translate the symbols she’d found. Eventually, her eyes lost focus, and she rested her head on her forearm, just for a quick nap…

The tent flaps fluttered as someone passed by on the beach outside, a man whose profile she would know anywhere. There was a young boy at his side, maybe eight years old, his hair the same dusty brown as the man walking beside him.

“Mulder?” she called, rising from the table.

He didn’t pause, didn’t turn, didn’t seem to have even heard her. Confused, she trailed behind them, watching as they began to build a sandcastle together. Except, it wasn’t a castle. Mulder and the boy carefully sculpted a spaceship in the sand, the same ship she’d spent the week mapping, its lines and etchings as familiar to her now as her own skin.

Mulder focused on a spot on the left-hand side of the ship, carving something into its sandy shape with his finger. What was he doing? What was she doing?

“Mulder!”

She lurched upright, elbow knocking against the lantern beside her, causing it to wobble dangerously. Her hand shot out reflexively to steady it as she blinked her way into consciousness. Dr. Barnes stood in the entrance to the tent, watching her. Something dangerous gleamed in the gray depths of his eyes, behind the round rims of his glasses.

“Dr. Barnes,” she said, her voice deep and raspy. Behind him, the sky had lightened with the coming dawn. She must have been asleep for hours, slumped over the table. Well, that explained the crook in her neck and the frog in her throat. And thank God, honestly, because she wouldn’t be able to sleep another wink now that Barnes was here.

He didn’t say a word, only turned and waded into the surf toward the spaceship. Scully took a minute to freshen herself up before the rest of the crew arrived, remembering her dream. Mulder and the boy. The spaceship made of sand. What did it mean? And then she shook her head at herself, because it was just a dream, an attempt by her unconscious mind to release some of the stress of the week.

Dr. Ngebe arrived, and Scully walked with her along the beach, going over their plans for the day. It had become almost routine at this point as they settled into their work. After lunch, Scully walked to the edge of the surf, picturing the sandcastle ship from her dream. It matched the one in front of her almost perfectly. Before she could second guess herself, she walked to the spot where she’d dreamed Mulder had carved something into it.

This was a spot she hadn’t studied yet, and her eyes tracked now to a symbol along the waterline, somewhat larger than the others around it. She’d seen that symbol before. But where? She crouched, waves lapping at her knees and casting stray drops against the overheated skin on her face. As her fingers traced the shape etched into the side of the ship, she remembered.

Diana Fowley.

Scully’s face contorted involuntarily into a scowl at the mere thought of the woman. This symbol had been on the cover of a book Diana was holding when Scully saw her last week, right after Mulder became ill. She was sure of it. Was it possible she’d come all the way to Africa only to have the ship send her straight back into Diana’s web?

“Have you found something?” Dr. Ngebe asked from behind her.

Scully stood, nodding as she turned to face her. “It’s time for me to go.”

* * *

“Bum a cigarette, Agent Fowley?” Scully asked dryly, lifting her chin until she felt as if she were looking down on Diana, despite the other woman’s height advantage.

“I don’t smoke,” Diana responded, her tone as flat as the expression on her face.

“Really? I could swear I smell cigarette smoke on you.”

Diana scoffed. “Let’s cut the crap, shall we?

“Yes. Let’s.” Scully had no patience left for games, especially with this woman. Mulder had gone missing from the hospital, and her gut said Diana was involved. She led the way into an empty office. “Where’s Mulder?”

Diana folded her arms over her chest. “Maybe before you go around blaming everyone you can find for what’s happened to Mulder, you could think about what you could’ve done to prevent it.”

“Actually, I think you’re the one who should be asking yourself that question.” Scully pulled the piece of paper out of her jacket, the last symbol she’d rubbed from the surface of the ship, the one that had led her back to this continent, this office, and this woman. “What does it mean?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Diana said, eyes locked on the paper Scully held.

“I think you do.” She stepped closer, hearing the desperation in her voice and not much caring. “I think you know exactly what it means and how it’s going to help me save Mulder.”

A faraway look came into Diana’s eyes. “It’s too late for that.”

“It’s not too late. It’s never too late.” She forced the words past the lump in her throat. “I just want you to think. Think of Mulder when you met him. Think of the promise and the life in front of him. Think of him now. And then try and stand there in front of me, look me in the eye, and tell me Mulder wouldn’t bust his ass trying to save you.”

Diana swallowed, a flicker of hurt flashing in her eyes. “I’m thinking, Agent Scully. I’m always thinking.”

* * *

Scully jerked awake, hands flexing instinctively to protect herself as she realized she was laying, fully clothed, on the floor in her living room. Her car keys bit into the palm of her right hand. What was happening? The last thing she remembered was standing right here, praying for Mulder with Albert Hosteen. Where had he gone?

She lurched to her feet, eyes tracking to the envelope that had been pushed under her front door, the sound that had awakened her. She stood for a moment, breathing through her confusion. Exhaustion pressed over her like a too-heavy blanket. She hadn’t eaten or slept properly since Mulder became ill, but surely she hadn’t just fallen asleep on the floor. Had she? And where was Mr. Hosteen?

Quickly, she crossed the room to pick up the envelope. Inside was a keycard labeled “Department of Defense. MSF 1225 L1.” Her brain was still sluggish, a step behind her feet as she opened the door and looked outside. Following the sound of footsteps, she raced into the hall, down the stairs, and outside into the parking lot, lit only by the yellowish gleam of the streetlamps above.

“Agent Fowley!” she called as she ran, knowing instinctively who she’d find inside the car already pulling away from the curb, just as she’d known who sent her the book of Native American Beliefs and Practices, the one with the symbol she’d recognized in Africa. “Diana, wait.”

“You know what to do, Agent Scully,” Diana said, mouth set in a firm line. “There’s no time to waste.”

Scully stopped, nodding as she took a step back from the car. “Thank you.”

Another car roared into the parking lot, black as the night around them. Scully’s hand was beneath the hem of her shirt almost before she’d registered the threat, already closing over the gun holstered against the small of her back. She drew it as her eyes focused on the muzzle protruding from the driver’s window of the approaching car.

“Go!” she screamed at Diana as she squared her shoulders, aiming her weapon. She’d entered the time warp that always accompanied high adrenaline moments like this one, where time seemed to simultaneously speed up and slow down, her voice echoing inside her head as she yelled, “Freeze!”

The black car lurched to a stop as Diana threw hers into reverse, tires squealing against the pavement. A gunshot rang out, and Diana slumped over the wheel. Scully sprinted toward her, gun still trained on the other vehicle, where she could now see Alex Krycek leering at her from the driver’s seat, gun pointed directly at her.

“Drop it, you son of a bitch,” she shouted as she stopped beside Diana’s car. Blood coursed from the bullet wound in her forehead. Diana was dead.

“See this?” Krycek said, holding up an electronic device Scully couldn’t identify. “This is the reason you’re going to put that gun down right now and walk away.”

“What is that?” she asked breathlessly, keeping the gun trained on his chest, finger hovering over the trigger. Her mind still felt a step behind her feet, racing to catch up to everything that had happened since she woke on the floor of her apartment just minutes ago. The keycard Diana had given her pressed against her hip, reminding her of its presence.

Mulder. She had to get to Mulder before it was too late.

“This is the device I use to control your old friend Walter Skinner,” Krycek told her, waving it in her direction. “You’ve already seen what it can do. Even now, he’s writhing on the floor as his blood thickens. I’m the only one who has the code to deactivate it. If I die, he dies. Your choice, Agent Scully.”

She clenched her teeth, gun wavering slightly as she processed this information.

“I’m in a compromised position. The less I know about Agent Mulder’s whereabouts and yours, the better.”

Skinner’s words to her yesterday now made perfect sense. Krycek and his nanobots. Yes, she’d seen the damage they could cause. They’d already effectively killed Skinner once.

“You won’t get away with this,” she growled, even as she lowered her gun.

“I already have,” he said with a wicked smile.

Her gaze darted from Krycek’s smug face to Diana, an uncharacteristic tug of sympathy swelling inside her for the woman who’d just died to help her save Mulder. She reached in through the driver’s side window and closed Diana’s eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.

When she stepped back, Krycek was still watching, device in one hand, gun in the other, although it was no longer trained directly at her head.

“I don’t understand,” she said as she took another step backward. “Why not kill me too?”

“Because you’re more valuable to me alive.”

She swallowed that silently as she holstered her weapon and sprinted toward her car. Instinctively, she knew that both vehicles behind her would be gone by the time she returned, all evidence of what Krycek had done neatly cleaned up the way it always was. Goddamn him and the Cigarette Smoking Man too. Would she and Mulder ever be free of the evil they had brought into their lives?

She pressed her cell phone to her ear as she pealed out of the parking lot, listening as it rang, hardly daring to breathe until the connection clicked over the line. “Sir?”

“Agent Scully?” Skinner sounded hoarse, weak, as if he’d just been through exactly what Krycek had described.

“Are you all right?”

“I will be,” he told her. “Did you…did you get what you needed?”

“Yes, sir. I did.”

“Go and save him, then.”

“Already on my way.” She disconnected the call as she nudged the gas pedal, driving across town as fast as she reasonably dared, knowing her desperation to save Mulder would all be for nothing if she got into an accident on the way. The nondescript government building appeared deserted as she arrived. The parking lot was empty, no lights visible from inside. But somewhere in there…

Please let me be in time.

She blinked away the moisture in her eyes as she swiped the keycard and let herself inside. What had they done to him? The hallway she found herself in was dimly lit. She followed it, walking deeper into the building, around a corner, and down another hall. Light spilled from beneath a doorway ahead, and she hurried toward it, hairs on her arms standing at attention, every cell in her body humming with danger, with awareness, with the absolute certainty that Mulder lay on the other side of that door.

She swiped the card again, exhaling quietly as the light on the keypad changed from red to green. “Mulder,” she breathed as her eyes found him, lying prone in the center of a large operating table, arms outstretched. A small sheet covered his hips, white gauze over his forehead. She rushed to him, hands feathering over his face, down to his neck, feeling for his pulse. It fluttered beneath her fingers, weak but steady.

Thank God.

She pressed her face against his chest, steadying her own frantic pulse as she listened to the faint rhythm of his heart beneath her ear. One hand went to the cross at her throat as she sent up a silent prayer. She couldn’t think yet about what they’d done, or why. She needed to get them both to safety, and then she could process everything that had happened. “Mulder. Mulder, you’ve got to wake up. I’ve got to get you out of here. Mulder, can you understand me?”

His eyelids flickered, and a faint cry escaped his lips.

She felt rather than heard his pain, his fear, his desperation. Tears welled in her eyes. “Mulder, you’ve got to get up. I don’t know how much time we have. You’ve got to get up, Mulder.”

He twitched beneath her, still lost in whatever private hell they’d left him in.

“No one can do it but you, Mulder,” she whispered, pleading with him. “You have to help me. Please, Mulder.”

A tear rolled down her cheek and splashed onto his eyelid, running down his face as if he were crying too. She bent her head, pressing her lips to his cheek, willing him to find strength, to wake up, to live.

“You…help…me,” he rasped, his voice raw and weak.

“Mulder, oh my God.” She lifted her head, meeting his bloodshot eyes. “You came back to me.”

“Always,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her.

She cradled him against her, supporting his head and neck as he shuddered in her arms.

“Had…the strangest dream,” he croaked.

“Me too,” she whispered. “Come on, Mulder. Let’s get you out of here.”

* * *

One week later

Scully’s heels echoed against the wood floor as she walked down the hall to Mulder’s door. She felt herself smiling as she raised her hand and knocked, the secret knock she always used to let him know it was her. Her heart quickened in anticipation of seeing him, so many emotions welling up inside her. Their lives were always complicated, but these last few weeks had been enough to make her question everything she’d ever thought she knew or felt or believed.

Mulder pulled the door open, his shirt half-buttoned, a Yankees ball cap pulled low over the bandage on his forehead. He grinned at her, hazel eyes burning with all their usual fire and passion, no hint of the man who’d so recently laid helpless in a hospital bed while his mind spun out of control. “Scully, what are you doing here? Actually, I was just getting dressed to come see you but I…I couldn’t find a tie to go with my victory cap.”

“Mulder, no work.” She reached up and lifted the cap off his head. “You have to go back to bed.”

She tugged at his tie, but he grabbed it back playfully. “Oh, wait. Tie goes to the runner.”

He chuckled at his own joke, and she couldn’t help the smile that stretched her cheeks. Oh, how she’d missed him, missed that laugh and his ridiculous sense of humor. How many times had she stood on the beach in Africa and wondered if she’d ever hear it again?

He sobered. “Scully, I, um…I was coming down to work to tell you that Albert Hosteen is dead. He died last night in New Mexico. He’d been in a coma for two weeks. There was no way he could have been in your apartment.”

What? She drew back. “He was there. We prayed together. Mulder, I don’t believe that. I…I don’t believe it. It’s impossible.”

His expression was tender as he reached for her, his hands cradling her face. “Is it any more impossible than what you saw in Africa or what you saw in me?”

Was it? How could she ever explain anything that had happened, even to herself? “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Mulder, I was so determined to find a cure to save you that I could deny what it was that I saw, and now I don’t even know. I don’t know. I don’t know what the truth is. I don’t know who to listen to. I don’t know who to trust.”

But even as she said the words, she realized they weren’t true. She knew who to trust. Even when he was out of his mind with whatever the rubbings from that ship had done to him, her faith and her trust in Mulder had never wavered. They had been to the ends of the world for each other. He’d saved her time and again, and she had done the same for him.

Tears slid over her cheeks as she allowed her feelings to surface, feelings she had never spoken out loud. With Mulder, she never needed to. The connection between them ran deeper than words could ever express.

“Diana Fowley was found murdered this morning,” she told him, voice breaking as she relived the scene outside her building a week ago. “I never trusted her, but she helped save your life just as much as I did. She gave me that book. It was her key that led me to you. She…she gave her life for you, Mulder, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know she was your friend.” She put her arms around his shoulders, giving him a gentle hug.

“Scully,” he said, one hand sliding through her hair as he held her close. “I was like you once. I didn’t know who to trust. Then I…I chose another path, another life, another fate, where I found my sister. The end of my world was unrecognizable and upside down, but there was one thing that remained the same.” He pulled back, cupping her face in his hands as he stared deeply into her eyes. “You were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant…my touchstone.”

“And you are mine,” she whispered, voice trembling with emotion. More tears slid down her cheeks. Hell, she wasn’t even trying to hold them back at this point.

He leaned in, and her whole world stuttered to a stop. This was it, the moment their relationship had been building toward for the last seven years. Except…it wasn’t right. This wasn’t the time for their first kiss. She deflected him, going up on her toes to press her lips against his forehead, kissing the bandage there and the man beneath it, letting her lips speak the words she wasn’t yet ready to say.

She loved him. She knew it as surely as she knew he loved her back. It had been growing between them from the moment they met, a bond forged on a rainy night in Bellefleur, Oregon, standing over a spray-painted X on the pavement.

At this point, a romantic relationship between them felt inevitable. They’d fought their feelings for so long, both of them hesitant to make the first move, to do anything that might damage their friendship or their partnership at work. When it happened, when they said the words they needed to say, when their lips touched for the first time, when their bodies came together the way she was yearning for, it would be on her terms, and it wouldn’t be on a day when either of them had spoken Diana Fowley’s name.

For today, she was content to have him back. As she kissed his forehead, body trembling, heart pounding, it felt more intimate than sex. She pulled back, blinking through her tears as they smiled at each other. How much of her thoughts and feelings had he already sensed? She put the ball cap back on his head, giving it a playful tug before she cradled his face in her hands. They stared at each other, as every bit of love, trust, respect, and friendship passed between them without a single word.

And then, knowing nothing else needed to be said—not today anyway—she touched her fingertips to his lips, a gentle touch, a promise of what was to come, before she headed for the door.

Tomorrow. Maybe the next day. Maybe next month. She didn’t know when, but she knew it was coming, and soon. Her constant. Her touchstone. Her one in five billion. The man she loved with all her heart. Soon, they would be together the way her heart and her body craved.

A knowing smile touched her lips as the door clicked shut behind her.

Soon.

#fanfic #xfepisode2019 #msr #The X Files

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superwholocklmt · 5 years

Text

Chapter 6

Here we go folks! Sorry it has been so long!

Chapter 6

It wasn’t until 1 O’clock in the morning, when John was finally released from the hospital. He barely made it to the waiting cab before succumbing to his exhaustion as he sank into the seat. Sherlock eyed him from his side of the cab as they rode home. He could see the exhaustion in his face and how his eyes longed to close. He had watched John slowly slump and rest his head on the back of the seat as he fell asleep. However, with each turn and bump he jerked awake. Sherlock could tell he was on his last strand of sanity as his friend rubbed his face in frustration.

“John, you need to sleep.” He whispered.

“No. I can’t. Can’t get comfortable.” John mumbled resting his head against the window. Sherlock sighed and gently tugged John’s sleeve until his head rested in Sherlock’s lap.

“Rest John. It will be a bit before we are home. You need all the sleep you can get.” He said as he placed a hand to John’s shoulder who was too tired to argue. He lay on his side and closed his eyes. His head was pounding with each thump of his heart beat as he waited for the relief from the pain killers. He was also thankful for the fact that Sherlock had convinced them that he had fainted and didn’t need to stay overnight.

Sherlock took to rubbing the base of John’s neck and scalp as he worked through the tension. John fought hard to suppress a moan of relief from the screaming headache that pounded in his skull. The more Sherlock’s fingers explored the more his exhaustion was winning.

Soon he felt his eyes slide close and himself drift away. His gentle snoring told Sherlock that he was gone as he gazed down at his friend’s worn face. He knew that they needed answers and soon. Without knowing what triggered an episode, they would be forever on edge. He heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head. He was smarter than this. He had to be.

‘John’s life may depend on it.’ he thought as he held John steady as the car took a turn. His friend stirred momentarily and then settled against his side again. Once they arrived at their flat, he only succeeded in waking him enough to get out of the cab and walk the short distance to their door. John leaned in against the wall as Sherlock unlocked the door and helped him upstairs to the couch.

“Where are we?” John mumbled as he struggled to put one foot in front of the other.

“We’re home. Just a little further and you can go to sleep.” Sherlock reassured him as he made it through the door of their flat. He eased him onto the couch and helped him to lie down. The groan from John told Sherlock that the pain killers and his efforts in the car were still not helping. He silently retrieved the pills the doctor had prescribed and gave John another dose. He insured that he was as comfortable as possible as he watched John settle and drift off to sleep. Sherlock sighed as he stared at his friend’s face. These last few days had taken its toll on both of him. He couldn’t ignore the shadows under John’s eyes or the frown of discomfort that marked his brow. They couldn’t keep going like this blindly. They needed answers and soon. He couldn’t begin to determine what their next step should be as he put his face in his hands. He sighed as he rose to gather John’s medical textbooks. There must be answers there. He needed there to be.

John felt something wet and cool on his forehead when he awoke a few hours later. As his vision cleared, he could finally see that his flat mate dabbing his face with a washcloth.

"They did not clean your face last night and I couldn't stand to see you lie here covered in it." He offered in explanation, his voice shaking a little as he slowly and with the touch of a feather continued to clean his friend’s face. John welcomed the sensation, grateful to rid himself of the terrible feeling of dried blood. He took the opportunity to assess their situation. He carefully eyed his friend’s expressions as he saw the exhaustion and pain in the details of his features.

"What is wrong?" He whispered, "Something has upset you." Sherlock paused and set the wash cloth in the basin on the floor. He stared at it and the pink water marred with red ribbons of his friend’s blood. John's blood. He stared wishing it could form the words that he wished to say. He shook his head in a failed attempt to clear himself from any sort of sentiment and emotion.

“I’m worried about you. I just watched you have a seizure on this very floor not even 8 hours ago. I watched blood pour down your….” He paused taking a deep breath to calm himself. “…your face. I have watched you struggle to breathe time after time…” His voice trailed off as he put his face in his hands, having accepted that emotion was winning the war raging in his mind.

“How long has this been going on? Were these the first episodes you have ever had?” John couldn’t meet his friend’s eyes.

“I’ve been uncomfortable for a while. It usually passes quickly. It started with severe dizziness and brief flashes of chest pain. It always went away. Recently the pain began lasting longer and coming more frequently. I honestly was going to see someone about it, but things go busy at the clinic and I just couldn’t find the time.” He explained feeling very foolish for his lack of efforts.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sherlock’s voice cracked as he stared at his face.

“I didn’t think it was pressing. I’m sorry.” John said after a moment. “I…”

“NO!!! Don’t you say another word! Don’t you dare apologize.” Sherlock shouted surprising both.

“You have no reason to apologize.” He whispered looking at his hands and willing them to stop shaking. He had to get control of himself before he fell apart. John needed him at his best.

“I know it is not fair to ask but will you not hide things like this from me? It makes me ill to think of the pain you have been suffering with alone.”

John silently watched the storm of emotions play out across his friends face and sighed softly. He never dreamed that this would be happening to them or how much it would affect his flat mate. He reached out to gently put a hand to his friend’s forearm as he spoke.

“No more secrets. I promise. Are you alright?”

“No. I do not know how to help you and it’s tearing me apart.” He said eyes on the floor. John nodded as he absorbed what Sherlock was saying. This was groundbreaking in Johns eyes for Sherlock to be speaking about his feelings so openly.

“Whatever is happening to us, I’m sure we will figure it out. This can’t be something new to the medical community. But neither of us will be able to fight it without taking care of ourselves. You should get some rest.” John said as he gave his friends arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “I know that you haven’t slept in the last 3 days. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I will not sleep until we have answers. I can’t bear to see you go through another episode. We don’t even know what will happen each time. It has been inconsistent. The first few times there wasn’t a seizure. Now is that going to be a regular occurrence?” He said finally looking at John. “How do I protect you from an unknown enemy?”

“You don’t have to. This is my fight to bear.” John said as he struggled to sit up. Sherlock extended a hand to him for assistance. He gently helped him to sit up and regarded his friend’s features.

“John, I want you to know that whatever is happening to you, we will get answers. I will not let you carry this burden alone.” He said softly. “We need answers. Where do we begin?” John smiled a little and nodded.

“Well I was thinking about reaching out to one of my friends from residency.” He said after a moment.

“Ok. If you think that they will be open minded.” Sherlock said after a moment. “We can inquire about an appointment in the morning. In the meantime, you are the one that needs rest.” He said already noticing the fatigued look in John’s eyes.

“Only if you rest too.” He said firmly as he looked his friend in the eye.

“How am I to rest? What happens when you have another attack? How am I supposed to know to come help you?” he said as John sighed knowing he was right.

“What if we asked Mrs. Hudson?” Sherlock said after a moment of thought.

“She needs to sleep. She is leaving for her sisters in the morning.” John shook his head.

“Well, I could go sleep upstairs and hope for the best.” John said rising from the couch. Sherlock reached out to help him steady himself as he wobbled and felt light headed. He finally steadied himself when Sherlock pulled him to him.

“Are you alright?” he murmured.

“Yes. I am now.” John replied hanging on until the room stopped spinning.

“We need to find a more permanent solution. We can figure that out in the morning. In the meantime, you can’t make it up the stairs and I don’t want to run the risk of you collapsing on the stairs. Since you need a proper rest, why don’t you sleep in my bed instead?” He said as he wrapped an arm around him in support and guided him to the bed.

“You need rest too. I can’t take your bed.” He mumbled exhaustion quickly trying to overtake him as he plopped on the bed. “You haven’t slept in 3 days and that’s pushing it even for you.”

“John, I will rest when you rest.” He said as he assisted John with taking off his shoes.

“Sherlock, we can be adults and share a bed. It’s the best solution. You get sleep, I get sleep, and you are nearby in case I need you.” He said exasperated as he pulled off his jumper and trousers. He realized that he was fading quickly and wouldn’t be awake much longer. He didn’t want to argue with him and his stubborn self. Sherlock had released his hold on him and watched as John flopped on the bed in his pants and t shirt.

“Come on. Come to bed” came a voice from somewhere beneath the pillows. Sherlock stood still shocked and suddenly more than a little uncomfortable as he stared at John in his bed already beginning to snore.

‘What is happening? Is this what he needs to do? What if he didn’t wake up when he needed him?’ He had longed to share his bed with him but not like this! He hesitated unsure of what to do until Johns hand slipped out from under the covers and patted the empty side of the bed.

“You need sleep. Doctors’ orders.” He said muffled using the last remaining bit of energy before falling asleep. Sherlock smiled and changed into his pajamas before slipping under the covers. John was sleeping peacefully, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

‘Maybe he will get the rest he deserves.’ Sherlock thought as his breathing began to slow and match Johns. His heart beat that was once thumping wildly with anxiety seemed to calm at the almost perfection of sleeping next to him. He wished his body wouldn’t betray him like this, but he too was nearing exhaustion. He fought to remain awake to ensure that John was indeed alright, but sleep won. With one deeper sigh, his eyes were heavy as he slipped away into a warm pool of dreams.

The next morning, Sherlock awoke to quiet. As he stretched and enjoyed the fulfillment of a deep sleep, he began to feel this nagging sensation that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Suddenly he realized that it was quiet. A little too much quiet. He immediately whipped his head to where John had been sleeping to find it empty.

“John!” He called as he untangled himself from the bed sheets cursing at his stupidity of sleeping through John getting up. He immediately fell out of the bed and onto the floor with a thud. The panic in his chest rose as he imagined all the horrifying ways to discover his friend. They only faded when he ran into the kitchen and saw John standing there toast halfway to his mouth in one hand, newspaper in the other.

“Good Morning?” he said a little unsure of why his friend had just come tearing down the hall shouting.

“Are you alright?” Sherlock asked softly as his eyes darted over John assessing his wellness for himself.

‘Eating? Appetite has returned. Wet hair and after shave minus stubble? Shower.’ Were all things that he saw and catalogued in his head before relaxing.

“Yes. I’m fine. Would you like some toast?” John said as he took a bite of his own and chewed it slowly.

“No thank you. In a little while maybe.” He said still guarded at trusting a calm moment. Judging by the hour, Mrs. Hudson had long since left for her sisters and it made him uneasy to know that he was essentially on his own. John could read the unease on his friends face and said.

“So, I woke up this morning and felt pretty good. I took my time getting up and taking a shower and cleaning up. You hadn’t slept in 3-4 days and needed your rest, which is why I didn’t wake you. I know you are concerned about Mrs. Hudson being gone but we will make it on our own. “

“I just want to exercise precaution at all aspects of our day until we get more information.” Sherlock said softly as he sat down at the kitchen table.

“Which we will at 2pm.” John said placing a plate of toast and a cup of tea on the kitchen table in front of him and continued. “We will take today slow and see what happens.”

“Alright. I will go shower and we will head over a little later.” He said rising from his chair to go.

“Ahem…” John coughed loudly, and Sherlock turned in alarm.

“I’m fine but you need to eat something.” He said crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. His friend frowned and gave a defiant look. John simply just stared pleasantly at his friend. Knowing that John wasn’t going to give up he conceded with an eye roll as he took the toast and awkwardly shoved as much of it into his mouth. He turned giving his friend a scowl and left to shower leaving John chuckling to himself.

@ithinkthereforiamfandom @janeofcakes @ceceliajupe @ithinkthereforeiamaswell @pri1982 @zentris @absentmindedsstuff @jhamishw @vulpesmellifera

#johnlock #sherlock #bbc sherlock #John watson

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ijustwant2write · 6 years

Text

Sickly Love-Alex Høgh Andersen x Reader

(GIF credit to @therealcalicali <-- Check out their work, it’s amazing!)

Masterlist

Summary: requesyed by @kaylantus : Awesome! I was wondering if you would do one about Alex? Where you are Marco's younger sister, by like a year, and you have a thing for alex but marco rarley if at all lets you visit the set because you have a very weak imune system so you get sick super easy, nothing terminal. A lot of fluff. Your writing is great by the way 😊😍

Characters: Alex Høgh Andersen x Reader, Marco Ilso x Sister!Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: I don’t really know an actual diagnosis for a weak immune system, but I won’t be going into much detail, some swearing too

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“(Y/N), can you help me with my lines? I want to practice again before filming tomorrow.” Marco shouted to me from his room.

“Coming!” I yelled back, snuggling into my hoodie.

He was sat cross legged on his bed, his script laid out in front of him. Sitting opposite him, I picked it up, scanning over the lines that weren’t highlighted.

“Hey, don’t read the whole thing!!” He teased, knowing I was a big fan of the show.

“But it’s so tempting!”

“Do you really want spoilers?”

“Yes. Well, no. But I do. But I don’t.” I battled with myself, ending up laughing alongside my brother, until it turned into coughing.

“You feeling sick again?” Concern was expressed on his face, immediately taking on the older brother role.

I cleared my throat, shaking my head.“No, it’s going away. I’m actually feeling really good.”

“Good.”

“Good enough to maybe come along with you to work? And see my friends again as well as be supportive for my brother?” the pitch of my voice got higher as I spoke, flashing a smile at Marco.

“No, you’re not fully recovered.”

I groaned.“Come on Marco, I miss everyone.”

“No, you miss one person.” he smirked, knowing that this would wind me up; he had overheard me talking (or as he said, ‘obsessing’) about our friend and his co-worker, Alex, as I watched an episode with my friend one night. Ever since then, he assumed I had a crush on him, and I kept on denying it, lying to him and myself.

I scowled.“Would you stop? Look, I’m feeling so much better than usual, and being stuck inside all the time is surely not good for me. Plus, not seeing anyone could be effecting my mental state, which in turn will effect my health, and-”

“OK! OK, I get it. I’ll think about it.”

“Marco, please just say yes. Everyone has been texting and calling, wondering if you’ve locked me up in here.”

“We’ll see how this reading goes, then I’ll give you my answer.”

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard my phone vibrate, signalling that I had a message. As I picked up my phone, I felt a goofy smile appear on my face once I saw that Alex had text me.

From Alex: Hey stranger :)

He didn’t leave me much to work with. I always felt nervous around him, even though I considered us good friends, especially after all these years working with Marco. I quickly sent back an answer before I thought about it too much.

To Alex: Hi :) I promise I haven’t been ignoring you, just been ill recently :(

Oh no, was that too many emojis? Was I coming off as weird?

From Alex: Are you any better? I miss seeing you round set

He misses me? HE MISSES ME?!

To Alex: I’m actually coming down tomorrow! I’m so excited to see everyone :)

Marco had to let me go now. I couldn’t let Alex down now, could I?

To Alex: And I miss you too of course.

From Alex: Thank god, I don’t think I could stand another day without seeing you.

That text took me by surprise. It was so forward. Did he really mean it? Or was he just teasing? I pretended that he really meant it, knowing he only saw me as his best friend’s sister. Alex was that perfect guy; handsome, funny, talented yet so down to Earth. If you were scrolling through the explore page on Instagram and came across a picture of him, you would instantly think he was a model, and of course follow him. I had to accept that all that I could do was admire from afar, and be a friend.

Making sure I was up early the next day, I did my makeup for the day, before dressing in the outfit I had picked out last night (after a long two hours of debating). As I ate my breakfast, Marco sluggishly walked into the room, his eyes widening as he saw me.

“Why are you up so early?” he asked.

“Because I’m getting ready to go to set with you. You better hurry up, there’s not much time left.” I answered, munching on my cereal.

“I never said you could come.”

“You also didn’t say I couldn’t come.”

He furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head.“Well, seeing as you’re up and ready, I’ll let you come.”

I smiled at him.“Thanks Marco.”

“Just don’t get in Alex’s way today.”

The smile quickly vanished.“Please don’t tease me in front of him, you know I hate it.”

“I’m your big brother, what else am I supposed to do?”

It was still very early in the morning when we left for set. The sun was only just coming up, I was already tired, and I knew how long this day would be. Nevertheless, being on set was exciting. I loved seeing how things worked behind the scenes, as well as seeing my brother doing what he loved. But there were also nerves, making my stomach feel worse; I hadn’t seen anyone in such a long time after falling ill. I hated that my immune system was weak, it stopped me from socialising, making me feel somewhat lonely at times. Marco was great at looking after me, albeit he sometimes mothered me too much; my weak immune system wouldn’t stop me from living my life.

As I followed Marco to his trailer, I screamed as someone from behind swept me off my feet. Laughing as I was set back down, I turned around to see Alex, both of us grinning as we embraced. He was already in his costume for Ivar, minus the braces on his legs.

“Finally, you’re here! Marco, you need to stop locking up your sister.” Alex said as he threw an arm around my shoulder.

“You know why she can’t come out all the time, I have no choice.” Marco wasn’t always open to people joking about my illness.

“Marco, just relax. Go get ready, I’ll stay with Alex.”

Marco huffed but smiled at us as he went to his trailer. Alex and I held back a laugh before bursting into giggles as he guided me closer to set. Georgia and Ida (Torvi and Margrethe) were up ahead, making me drag Alex towards them. They heard us approaching, only to hug me tightly as they realised that I was visiting today. Being stuck with your older brother was punishment enough, but not seeing your best girlfriends was torturous. Face timing just wasn’t enough, and even when we did, it wouldn’t last long due to my need for rest.

“I didn’t think you would be coming today of all days.” Georgia said.

“What? Why?” I asked, wondering if something important was happening, and that I shouldn’t really be there.

“Because we’re filming a battle scene, up on the hill. It’s going to be freezing, especially since it just rained last night.”

The cold, rain, snow and any other form of awful weather didn’t agree with me. I could easily get colds and coughs lasting for weeks. Stupidly, I hadn’t checked the weather, only bringing a thin coat for protection, though neither had Marco.

“Don’t say a word to Marco. He’ll have me cooped up in his trailer all day!” I begged.

Ida sighed.“But you’ve only just got better.”

“I’ll be fine.”

We were distracted by one of the directors calling everybody to set, calling out instructions to his whole team. I stayed behind everyone, not wanting to risk ruining the day already. Just as I followed on, Alex called to me, taking off his big coat that he usually wore when he wasn’t filming.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He wrapped the coat around me.“Overheard you guys talking about how bad the weather will be. Have this, I’ll just take someone else’s.”

I smiled, holding onto the coat that was huge on me.“Alex, you don’t have to-”

“Yes I do, otherwise I won’t see you for another three weeks. Look, I’ve gotta go, but promise you’ll be there for all my scenes.?”

“Promise.”

He cheekily smiled before joining the rest of the crowd, being set to work with my brother. Slipping my arms into the coat, I chuckled to myself, looking silly as the coat swallowed me, making me looker smaller than I actually was. Forgetting all my thoughts about the weather, I followed my friends, happy to just be outside.

As the day went on, I felt free, free from the confines of my bedroom. Some days I was just pure lazy, who didn’t love staying in bed and binge watching TV? But once you did it for weeks on end, it was like an endless cycle, so being able to go outside and enjoy days like this were wonderful.

There were hundreds of extras lined up either side of the enormous field on top of the hill, the biggest battle in Vikings was about to commence. I sat amongst the directors, watching the acting from the monitors. Seeing all my friends as other people was amazing, I never got over how different they appeared when acting; however, I wasn’t focusing on them for long, feeling the cold creep up on me. I clung on tightly to the coat, beginning to shiver as the wind picked up. No, I had just got better, please don’t make me sick now. But I stayed on, wanting to battle against this weather like the actors before me.

I hadn’t anticipated how long the scenes would take, sort of wishing that I had wrapped up even more. Trying to not show it, I remained where I was, putting all my attention back on the acting. Time slowed down extremely as I watched scenes be re-shot over and over again, the camera crew having to set up multiple times and costume and make-up tending to every actor. I was too shy and stubborn to speak up, ask if I could make my way back as to not cause disruption.

“Alright guys, that’s a wrap for today! You’ve all been amazing, thank you.” The director said into the megaphone, receiving cheers and hollers as a reply.

I practically leapt into Marco’s trailer when we arrived back. The heat was welcoming as I flopped into a chair, still holding the coat close to me as I relished the warmth. It would be a while until Marco was back, so I closed my eyes, letting all the tension out of my body.

“Sleeping Beauty!” Alex startled me, laughing as he saw me jump. He was out of his costume, now in a hoodie and sweatpants, though he still had fake dirt and blood on his face, as well as the braids in his hair.

“If I’m Sleeping Beauty then you must be the villain, because you’re still a mess.” I pointed out, pushing him away when he tried to hug me.

“Don’t you like me anymore? Why aren’t you hugging me?”

I giggled, trying as hard as I could to not get any blood or dirt on me.

He finally stopped leaning on the counter top in front of me.“What did you think of today?”

“You’re a bunch of amateurs I tell you, amateurs!” I dramatically said, waving my arms around like an angry director.

“Please, I really need this job!” Alex begged, playing along with it.

“I’m kidding, as usual, you were all amazing. I can’t wait for the new season.”

“Aw, I love that you’re my biggest fan.”

“Who said I’m your biggest fan?”

“I-I was just-”

I laughed, making him stop talking and groan as he ran his hands over his face out of embarrassment.

“You’ve smudged everything even more on your face.” I pointed out, grabbing the makeup wipes.“You start taking it off and I’ll work on your hair.”

He took the wipes from me, sitting down in my seat as I stood behind him, starting to work on the braids woven in his thick, long hair. We kept on talking, catching up and discussing the new season. Once his hair was finally free, I subconsciously ran my fingers from them, earning a gasp from Alex; he reached up to hold my hands, his far more warm than my own.

“Shit, (Y/N) your hands are freezing! Are you feeling OK?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s just from standing outside for so long.”

“You should have said something, you could get ill again.”

“I’ll be fine, just don’t...” my words trailed off as Marco entered his trailer, seeing Alex and I holding hands.

“What’s going on here?” Marco asked as he slowly closed the door.

“Nothing-”

“(Y/N)’s just a little cold. She didn’t go inside when she should have.”

“Marco sighed.“I knew I shouldn’t have brought you today.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, I’ll probably have a small cold or something, that’s all.” I defended myself, annoyed that Alex had told him.

“You always say this, and every time you get worse.”

“Marco, I’m an adult, I did this to myself.”

“Why didn’t you just walk off set-”

“Because I wanted to stay! People get sick all the time, I’m not the only person in the world to come down with a cold. Look, I’m not going to argue anymore, there’s no point. I’ll wait for you in the car.”

Before slamming the door behind me, I grabbed his car keys, storming towards the parking lot, and ignoring the looks from the workers surrounding the place. Although I wanted to say goodbye to my friends, I also didn’t want them asking questions, it would only upset me more. I got in the car, just sitting there as I tried to forget what happened. I hated arguing with anyone, especially my brother, but he was overprotective; and Alex shouldn’t have got involved, even though it was nice to see that he cared. Through the driver’s mirror, I could see Alex approaching the car. He swiftly opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat, his facial expression unreadable. I quickly turned my gaze away as his head lulled to the side.

“(Y/N), please can you look at me?” He asked, sounding sad.

“You shouldn’t have got involved.” I whined, caving in and looking at him. Goddammit, he was just so gorgeous.

“I had to. You’re my friend, and so is Marco, it would be unfair on him if I knew and he didn’t.”

“He doesn’t have to know everything about me. I wish people would stop seeing me as this sick, vulnerable child! Everyone gets ill, I just get it more often than others.”

“I realise that we treat you different because of it. But it’s-”

“Only because you care, I know.”

“(Y/N), please, I’m just trying to say sorry. I hate it when I can’t see you for weeks because you’re ill, and the fact that I can’t help you upset me.”

“Alex,” my voice got quieter, effected by what he said,“I’m touched that you feel that way. But don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“But that’s the thing, I can’t stop. The amount of times I’ve wanted to message you, or personally ask you to go places with me is uncountable; but each time I grow the balls to ask you out, I find out that you’re unwell, and I’d feel like an ass hole if I made you feel like you had to come out instead of resting.”

My heart was beating so loud that it was pounding in my ears, and I could feel myself blushing furiously,“Y-you should have just asked anyway. If I hadn’t been stubborn enough to go out, we could have planned something.”

“Really? I didn’t think you would say yes.”

“I didn’t think you would ask.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds, slowing breaking into smiles. It was a cute, almost romantic moment, until my brother interrupted by knocking on the window harshly. I rolled my eyes, locking the doors before turning back to Alex, drowning out Marco’s complaining from outside.

“What about this weekend?” I implied.

“What?”

“Let’s go somewhere, anywhere. I just need to get out of that apartment.”

He grinned, nodding slightly.“I’ll make a plan then.”

“Better not tell Marco, he really won’t let me go if I’m going on a date with his best friend.”

“Well, he’ll just have to get used to it, because I’m making up for lost time.”

#alex høgh andersen #alex høgh andersen imagine #alex høgh andersen x reader #alex høgh andersen one shot #alex hogh andersen imagine #alex hogh andersen x reader #alex hogh andersen one shot #alex hogh andersen #marco ilso #marco ilso imagine #marco ilso x reader #marci ilso one shot #vikings #vikings imagine

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sunlitroom · 5 years

Text

Gotham – s5e03 – Penguin, Our Hero

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina can walk again. She’s also part cat, thanks to the whole ‘medication may release the darker angels of your true self’ side-effect. Big-eyed orphans flocked to Jim. Tabitha ran into Oswald’s knife. Lots of gangleaders want to kill Jim. Barbara rescued him because she needs his help killing Oswald, because no-one else in interested, because Tabitha was easily one of the most dislikeable people in town. Seriously, Barbara. Have you noticed that Sirens isn’t exactly swamped in floral tributes? Haven exists in soft focus. Ed and Tank got rough. Some very lazy graffiti implicated Oswald in the killing of several gang members.

As always, long post will be long. There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)). There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism. Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

Oswald opens what I’m assuming is his bedroom door, or a door to his private rooms. He hears a choir singing a song of praise and smiles beatifically.

(An aside. This is really dumb and I hate it - I'm not wasting wrist strength on it. Also - it's really offensive. Really really offensive)

In summary, Penn gives Oswald good news about production. The writers feel the need to really hammer home that totalitarian regimes are bad, like we may be somehow unaware of this. We also learn that people are ‘defecting’ to Haven, and that people love Jim Gordon. Oswald pitches a hissy fit that’s interrupted when a bunch of bikers break in, looking for revenge for Oswald’s apparent attack. He explains to the leader exactly how and why he’s stupid, and orders him to be interrogated.

In her hospital bed, Selina dreams about being shot by Jeremiah. This will be a recurring theme in this episode – Selina has flashbacks later - and I think it’s a good thing that we get to see someone actually dealing with the aftermath of trauma. I hope they don’t try to attribute this to the nasty seed thing later.

Waking with a start, she gets up and dressed and heads out onto the roof. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she leaps off the side, like she used to do.

At Haven, Harvey is warning about coping with the growth of new arrivals - word spreading like bad case of clap. He also warns that the gangs will come looking for the slave labour they’ve lost.

Jim seems unconcerned. Let 'em

Harvey says they hardly have any ammo or food to deal with either issue– but Jim still refuses to turn people away.

Harvey then eyes Jim, and asks him when he slept – he’s been going full-tilt for months. Jim tells him he’s OK – but does seem a little flat as he says this.

They enter a makeshift canteen, where Bruce is working. They ask him for some good news, and Bruce tells them something about a water purification system that’s small-scale, but still an improvement.

As they’re talking, a fight breaks out over rations. Jim breaks it up, and then realises people are staring expectantly, and delivers a speech. He tells the new arrivals that they’re all welcome, but they need to leave the fighting outside. The government thinks they don’t need help, and they need to prove otherwise. The gangs outside can tear each other apart – but they need to help each other survive.

Harvey is the voice of cynicism – pointing out that Jim’s speech worked now, but that it’s not going to be pretty when they find out that the government has abandoned them.

Bruce tells Jim that he’s holding this place together, and giving everyone hope – but he has more to add to his plate. Will, the big-eyed orphan, is having nightmares and broke his arm falling from his bed. Could Jim talk to him?

(An aside. I get that they’re building up Jim as a more uncomplicated protagonist and father figure. This is also to emphasise how emotionally invested Jim is in Haven, so that the explosion at the end will have added impact. However. It is treacly to the point of becoming sickening. Maybe it’s setting up another of Jim’s dark paths – where he’ll side with his old army pal over tried and tested allies in Gotham, and have a one night stand with Barbara – but even then, it’s just all felt a little heavy-handed)

In the dormitory, Jim sits down next to Will. Bruce tells him that they can’t imagine what he’s been through, but that he’s safe now. Jim underlines this by telling him that he’ll never let anyone hurt him again.

(An aside. Jim, no. You can’t promise that. You can promise to do your best – but you can’t promise to keep someone safe like that. Bruce is young enough to have an excuse. You know better.)

Jim offers the boy a treat before he leaves.

I’ve got something for you: pineapple from my rations. Hang in there – I’ll check on you later

He and Bruce walk away

(An aside – the obvious parallel here is between Jim and Oswald as leaders. Oswald – on an ego-trip, serving himself an elaborate breakfast, literally enjoying hearing his praises sung, slowly leaking followers. Jim – giving his rations away, working himself exhausted for his people, with people endlessly arriving at Haven.

And I suspect that’s how we’re supposed to view it – but, and I know I’m probably overcomplicating, it’s not quite so black and white. It’s not as nakedly motivated by ego as Oswald’s actions, but there’s no way that this isn’t gratifying for Jim)

Selina shows up in the dormitory. An alarmed Bruce tells her she’s supposed to be resting- but a cocky Selina asks him if she looks like she needs it. She’s never felt better, and she wants to find the freak who shot me.

Bruce says he’s been looking for Jeremiah, but never found anything. Selina points out that there’s been an influx of refugees from all over the city – someone must know something.

Bruce says he wants to find him as much as Selina – but he’s had months to fortify, and they need to be careful. Selina looks askance at him, and asks him if he’s scared. Bruce replies that of course he is, Jeremiah

Shot you to get to me

He tells her he can’t lose her

Selina tells him she’s not his to lose. He can’t stop her, but she does want his help. Bruce stares for a moment, and says that if they’re going to take him down, they’ll do it right. They’ll bring him back here and he’ll stand trial

(An aside. Honestly, Bruce? I don’t see any judges hanging around. A makeshift court consisting of you, Jim and Harvey isn’t exactly doing it right. On top of that, do you really want to bring Jeremiah into close proximity with defenceless civilians?)

Selina smiles fondly at Bruce’s naivete. Reaching up, she touches his face and kisses him.

I was hoping I could count on you

Further in the dormitory, a man sitting on a bed says he heard rumours in dark zone – which is apparently a place of chaos - ruled by those who lost their minds when the bridges went down

(An aside. Sigh, Gotham. So the mentally ill are scary again.)

Jeremiah is there, gathering followers. Selina makes to leave immediately, but the man remonstrates, telling her

You can’t go there: you’ll die! Jeremiah is the least of your worries. Everyone there is insane. Look what they did to my friend

He pulls the cover down, and we can see the man in the bed has had stuff carved into his torso.

Oswald opens his bedroom door, in a snit, clad in underwear this time. He’s wearing a tight black top and shorts under his white cotton garment. I’m guessing the white thing was possibly a little too see through, and they decided to just let the black underwear show rather than get a headache trying to hide it.

Penn! Where the f…..

His choir is gone, and there’s only Olga singing alone

(An aside – I know it’s not the biggest point in the world: but if people like Olga and Eyepatch Guy consistently come back to work for Oswald, then he’s not as uniformly loathsome as the show likes to paint him)

Oswald interrupts her – asking where his staff and Mr Penn are. She informs them that they all defected to Haven. He fulminates before panicking, looking for his dog.

He turns to Olga, teary-eyed

They took my dog?

She looks blandly at him

Rumour say pup went willingly

(An aside – I know Oswald’s scenes are more or less comic relief at points, but I still do get irritated when he takes more of a kicking than any other character in terms of sheer humiliation and being told he’s unlovable.)

He screams in rage and grabs the biker chained to the wall

You're in luck. Our interests are now aligned – and you may live

He tells him to contact the other deeply irritating petty gangs, and to gather men, vehicles and petrol. He has bullets. They’re going to pay a visit to Haven.

After he’s dressed, that is.

At GCPD/Haven, Harvey – accompanied by Alvarez - tells Jim Oswald has made it through the barricade with gangs.

Jim tells them to load up. Harvey points out they’re low on ammo. Jim sends him to someone he hopes with be friendly.

(An aside here. How much time has passed since last episode? Barbara made clear to Jim when she saved him that this was essentially conditional on him agreeing to plot Oswald’s death with her. Jim said he’d table that for later. Is she still waiting for this to happen? Has she just assumed he’s not going to do it? When are we, exactly? If he’s really just never got back in touch, why assume that she’s going to be willing to help – other than the fact that he has no other options, and Jim has a track record of expecting help from people – no matter whether he’s recently jerked them around.)

Down the tree-lined street where Ivy and Selina once wandered – and which is now the dark zone. Selina cracks a joke about calling it the dull zone, and Bruce gazes at her – telling her he’s glad she seems herself again

Selina says she’s been here before – it’s the posh part of town. Bruce says people with money got out. She points out that he didn’t, and he tells her seriously that he had a reason to stay.

(An aside. Oh Selina – and it wasn’t staying with you. Bruce wanted Alfred to evacuate with Selina. He was going to stay and hunt Jeremiah down. Does Selina know this?)

A man with a bomb strapped to him runs towards them, frantically asking for help, before the bomb explodes. We hear laughter and gunshot, as a band of God knows what approaches. Actually. There was a version of Phantom of the Opera set in a disco in the 70s - called Phantom of the Paradise. They remind me of this, crossed with the slightly naff cenobites from Hellraiser III

Anyway

They turn to run, and collide with a hulking guy who’s not exactly friendly

Selina says they’re looking for Jeremiah

Kill you. Kill Jeremiah

Selina decides the best course of action is to find the schoolyard’s biggest bully and take him down

They all start fighting.

Haven, where Mr Penn is still conducting the choir - who now do hymns instead. We hear the sound of bikes approaching. Penn nervously asks Jim what’s going on.

It’s Oswald. Jim tells his men to hold their fire

Oswald gets out of his car – lividly angry.

Well. If it isn’t my old friend Mr Penn, and the Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir. How nice to see some familiar faces!

Jim tells Oswald that he shouldn’t have come to Haven. Oswald responds angrily that he stole his people and his dog.

Jim says that the people came here of their own free will. Oswald ignores him to call on his dog, who doesn’t respond to him

Jim raises his eyebrows at him triumphantly when the dog refuses to come when called.

Oswald reiterates that Jim is to return his people and his dog – and also apologise.

Jim says no.

Oswald tells him he knows his ammo is used up – he’s bluffing.

On Jim’s signal – some of his men take down some of the bikers. Oswald pulls a face, and Jim says his men need some target practice.

Back with Selina and Bruce. The hulking guy tells her that she looks soft – while she tells him he looks 300lbs of ugly.

Selina gets the man on the ground and starts clawing at his face with her new metal claws – demanding that he tell her where Jeremiah is.

The man protests that they don't mess with him – but then tells her he’s at Hotel North.

Selina’s still going, though, clawing at his face. Bruce tells her he’s had enough. She says it’s enough when she says so, and he restrains her.

He looks at her, troubled, and tells her she won. It’s over.

Selina blithely replies that it was easy, and strolls off. Bruce stares after her unhappily.

Back at Haven, an irate Oswald tells the bikers that Jim is bluffing. The leader asks how he knows.

I know Jim Gordon

Oswald says if they require a demonstration – they should march forward. The biker says they have guns – Oswald retorts that he does too, and his are loaded.

They march. As they approach, Jim tells his men to make ‘em count.

They shoot – but run out of bullets, leaving one man standing.

Oswald gloats that Jim is out of ammo, and points out that he doesn’t want his men to die.

On the count of three, GCPD lower their weapons.

Bruce and Selina head to the church – Selina deftly climbing over cars. Bruce is not happy at how she handled the big guy earlier, but Selina disagrees – asking whose side he’s on?

Yours. Always

As they approach the church, they see a shrine to Jeremiah. Selina says she’ll tear his throat out. They follow some other people up the stairs to the church and enter the building.

A woman in a mask welcomes them to the Church of Jeremiah, where the faithful will become their best selves – after a demonstration of faith.

They’re very oddly dressed. Shirt and tie – and one guy in a kilt (which tends really to be formal wear)

They walk further in. The masked woman stops Selina – and points out she doesn’t look like a worshipper. Selina insincerely says she witnessed his work first hand, and she’ll never forget it.

She is permitted to pass, and follows the adherents upstairs. The masked woman whispers in the ear of another guard before removing her mask. It’s Ecco, in some dilapidated makeup.

Bruce slips away

(An aside - Where are the clean and well-dressed devotees coming from? I thought the Dark Zone was a terrifying bedlam? How did they get there without being attacked? Why are they so clean and well-presented?)

Oswald leads Jim to a cage/cell. Jim tells him he’s going to regret this. Oswald gloats that those are strong words for someone out of options. He’s going to have Jim watch while they destroy Haven, and then shoot him and leave him for dead like did to Oswald

(An aside – Oswald – no you’re not. We both know this. Jim knows this. That one-episode biker leader knows this. Tank knows this. Those weird English peasants at Ivy’s know this. Give. It. Up)

Jim tells him when the government finds out what he’s done, he’ll be at the top of the wanted list. Jim – Jeremiah created this whole crisis. Jonathan is crucifying people. The government will not share your pigtail-pulling fascination with Oswald.

Oswald tells Jim the only law in Gotham is power. Jim tells him they have children and families here. What will happen when the gangs take them back? Oswald blithely says they’ll go back to being slaves. His people will go back to their lives: bellies full of gruel, with him as their protector.

Jim tells him to take revenge on him – but leave the refugees alone. Oswald tells him it’s almost tempting – before leaving

(An aside – and here, again, we have the problem with this storyline. If you can tug on anyone’s heartstrings, it’s Oswald’s. It’s stupid enough that they have him genuinely believing his people enjoy their life. The additional notion that he wouldn’t actually care about children and families is stupid. Let’s not forget – when Oswald was piloting the blimp, the worst outcome he could imagine was the death of thousands of innocent citizens. It was Jim who felt the need to further incentivise him by appealing to his ambition. Seriously, now. It wasn’t that long ago. I’ve said it several times before – but if your plot demands that the characters are ooc in order to facilitate it, your plot isn’t good)

Outside, Penn is being chained up. Oswald’s not happy at this, and steps in

Stop - that one belongs to me

He manages to unchain Mr Penn – who smiles happily - at being rescued, but also maybe at the indication that Oswald actually appreciates him.

One of the annoying bikers grumbles that Oswald sacrificed one of his guys. While Oswald is untying Mr Penn, who’s thanking him all the while – the biker shoots Penn in the gut.

Penn drops to the floor. Oswald tries to stem the bleeding but it’s no good.

You should have stayed with me! Why did you leave?

Penn looks up at him and, without malice, simply tells him

Everyone hated you

Oswald looks down, his face blanched.

One of the bikers tells him they’ll take everything. An enraged Oswald says he’ll pay for this, before the biker wallops him hard in the face.

(An aside – sorry, but no. Oswald is cleverer than this. He’s adept at reading other people’s needs and wants. The notion that he honestly would have no idea of how he was perceived is just silly.

Also – I know there apparently wasn’t time to develop Penn as the Ventriloquist, but I don’t think they had to kill him off. It feels really unnecessary. Given that this ‘revelation’ was only needed because they made Oswald temporarily stupid, it’s particularly bitter. On top of that, if I feel he’s been jettisoned to help make room for the compulsory indigestible lump of Os/Ed interaction we’ve to dutifully swallow later this season, I am going to feel rather cross.)

Oswald is taken to the cage, struggling and protesting.

Let me go, we had a deal!

As he’s shoved in, Jim watches him calmly from the corner.

I take it that didn’t work out like you planned?

Harvey is at Sirens, calling for Barbara. She sneaks up behind him, puts a knife to his throat and tells him there no men in Sirens past midnight – making it surely a very inconvenient brothel.

She adds that perhaps it’s time golden boy learned to save himself. She asks Harvey if he’s tired of playing sidekick.

Harvey tells her he doesn’t see it that way. They’re friends fighting for same thing.

Barbara says she remembers when Jim was the idealistic rookie and Harvey was the cynical veteran. Harvey cuts in that she was sane back then. Barbara snidely says that now Harvey carries Jim’s laundry.

Don’t you wonder what your life would have been like if you never met Jim Gordon?

(An aside - Barbara. Yes – you have ample cause to deeply resent Jim. He compartmentalised the bejesus out of his life when he was engaged to you, he moved on indecently fast, and his default facial expression when he’s encountered you since has been a curled lip and a sneer. You turned to him after your release from Arkham and asked for him simply to recognise you as a person, and he wouldn’t do it.

However, laying the blame at everyone else’s door for your current situation has become tedious. You were placed in horrible situations, but you have also had agency. Decisions were made. Paths were taken. For the actual love of God, stop whining. I’m so bored.)

Harvey replies that he’d be dead, or wishing he was.

(Another aside. The spectre of Death has hung over Harvey since day one. I do hope he makes it to the end)

Barbara sneers that he’s delusional – like the saps who expect the government to help.

Harvey tries again – commenting that he knows they’ve had their differences, before mentioning that Oswald has turned up…

Barbara’s tune changes, and she tells him he should have opened with that.

Let’s move

Back in the cell, Jim is trying to cut his bindings. Oswald is ranting. Jim’s taken everything from him. Jim tells him to keep his voice down. Oswald keeps talking. His people should have loved him, he kept them safe. What so special about Haven?

Jim pulls a face at him, and says it’s special because it’s far away from him. Oswald pulls a face of his own

That's rich

People are coming, and Jim hisses at Oswald to be quiet. We see the head biker and a couple of children come in looking for supplies – one of whom is big-eyed orphan boy, who glances quickly at Jim. Jim tells Oswald to just act normal, adding

I know it's a stretch

The boy slides a piece of metal under the cage, which Oswald covers with his foot. The bikers find he booze they were looking for, and leave.

Oswald laughs manically. When they get out – he is going to tear this place to the ground. He starts to rant – but Jim interrupts him. That won’t solve the problem. They need to take the gangs out – right here, right now.

They look down at the piece of metal. Oswald asks how they pick it up.

They eye each other, and – honestly – the fact that they both wordlessly come to the same impractical solution points to how bizarrely close they are.

They turn back to back and – leaning against each other – lower themselves slowly to the floor, with Jim making some of the best facial expressions ever seen.

(An aside. OK. Fair enough, Oswald can’t really pick that up: I don’t think his leg would allow him. But Jim. Jimothy. JimJam. Jimbalaya. I ran a test. It’s easy to lower down to the ground with your hands behind your back, pick something up, and then stand again. You saw a chance for some body contact and you took it. Naughty.)

Bruce creeping about at Jeremiah's lair. He encounters a corridor strewn with the corpses of pilgrims, all with gunshot wounds to the head.

Meanwhile, Selina joins Ecco and the others in an empty swimming pool. Essentially, they play a group game of Russian roulette. Ecco is very theatrical and Harley Quinn-ish about all this. Selina scoffs – but, on Ecco implying she’s a coward, places the bullet in the chamber and spins the barrel.

Ecco counts them down – again, slightly aggravating on the quirky preciousness front. We go quickly back to Bruce, whose head turns sharply when he hears the gunshots.

Ecco strolls round, announcing that she’s disappointed in those who didn’t participate. Selina says she’s

Just not a mindless idiot willing to get shot in the head for nothing

Ecco glares. She comments that Curls is here to judge all of us. She goes on, though, indulging in some wittering about Jeremiah and his methods and how it looks like madness but it’s really liberation, blah blah blah

She then tells them all to leave now – she needs to have a word with Selina. They all got straight ‘As’ and can proceed and be reborn.

Elsewhere, Bruce follows two guards before beating them. He ascends further up the staircase.

Selina faces off with Ecco. Ecco says she doesn’t want to meet Jeremiah, but Selina insists she does – only she’s not willing to play that psychotic game

Ecco does some more quirky stuff

But baby – it’s so fun!

Selina asks why Ecco doesn’t play. Ecco tells her she doesn’t get it. Lifting her hair, she displays a scar at the base of her skull, near her ear.

The bullet’s still inside. I hear it. Ping ping ping. Boy do I feel it when the nights get cold

She pulls the trigger, but there’s no bullet. She seems to be getting off a little on it.

Selina tells her she’s insane – but she’s indignant at this, saying she was willing to look death in the face and allow the old her to die. This is the gift Jerome gave Jeremiah – and now it’s the gift he’s giving them

(An aside – interestingly, Jeremiah seems to have rather retconned his past with Jerome again. The gas wouldn’t have killed Jeremiah – there was no potentially fatal option, as with his gun method)

Ecco smiles

We want you to experience that gift….Selina

Selina’s eyes widen

You know me

Ecco smiles

There’s not a single part of Bruce's life we don’t know about. His joys, his fears, his desires

(An aside. Wow. That sounds a like a fun couple activity.)

She adds that Bruce wasn’t ready for Jeremiah’s gift, and nor was Selina.

Selina grimaces as Ecco points the gun at her face

One thing Jeremiah did teach me. I hate a gun pointed at my face.

She hisses angrily, and they start to fight.

Oh puddin’. Aren't you delicious?

(An aside. I suppose you can’t really blame Ecco for flirting with Selina. It sounds like most of her evenings with Jeremiah are spent working on the big Bruce scrapbook.)

Ecco says she knew she had it in her – all it took was a kick in the pants.

Bruce appears. Ecco sneers that her boyfriend is worried about her.

Selina flashes back to her shooting. She manages to turn the gun on Ecco – but Bruce yells stop, and Ecco escapes, stabbing Selina in the leg as she goes. Selina screams in rage and makes after her – but Bruce stops her, telling her that she’s bleeding.

Selina cuffs him to the gate. Bruce protests, but Selina says they’ve done things his way. Not it’s her turn. Bruce is left yelling after her as Selina drags herself off after Ecco.

Back at Haven, the bikers eyeing up cops and discussing who might be best for fights. Jim strolls up

How about this?

He points his gun

The biker says he’s bluffing

I’m afraid not

Oswald appears at the other end of the room

Neither am I

Oswald shoots the gang members. Jim calls on the cops to come out. Jim and Oswald face each other across the room. We hear a whimper, and Oswald’s dog approaches him. He fusses over him, and reassures him that he killed the bad men.

The crowd behind him overhear this and mutter agreement – he did shoot the bad men. They start to chant his name.

Oswald smiles gleefully. In many ways, he’s the world's simplest creature.

Back at Haven, people are arguing both with and about Jim

You promised safety!

He saved us!

Oh boy. Time for another speech.

It was a hard day - but we won.

He points out that they’ve got Oswald's guns and ammo now, and that they survived. Hope survived too – and he thinks that’s worth fighting for.

So do I

It’s the winsome orphan who rescued him

(An aside. Mercy, Gotham. I can’t take much more of this treacle.)

Jim blinks in response to this support. He goes on. Now there’s work to be done, wounded to be cared for.

Tomorrow's another day

Jim’s Scarlett O'Hara now.

A cop appears to tell Jim that Oswald is outside.

Before he heads out, Jim tells the winsome orphan that he did a brave thing, and that they wouldn’t have escaped if not for him. The boy replies that Jim helped him, so he wanted to reciprocate. He hands the boy his badge, and tells him he needs deputies. He smiles and thanks him – especially since he’s allergic to pineapple.

Jim walks towards Oswald, who is fussing over the dog. He straightens up as Jim approaches, and asks him if the cops are really necessary: after all, he just saved hundreds of people.

Jim adds that he endangered them to start with, so he can be forgiven for wanting to play it safe.

Oswald looks up at him, his face more sincere

Still - I do hope there’s no hard feelings?

Jim steps closer and looks at him like he’s recently been caught stealing apples, as opposed to putting a bounty on his head and then breaking through the barricade with a gang of bikers.

You did the right thing today, Oswald. You’re free to go. Don’t make me regret it.

They stand close and – even with my shipper glasses off, there’s really no other way to describe this – stare at each other fondly, smiles on their faces.

(An aside, before Barbara comes in waving the plot point no-one cares about.

I ship this like crazy. I like writing fic for it. One thing that’s blocked me for ages is how readily Oswald can forgive the worst of behaviour from Jim, and how Jim readily heads back to him for help each time no matter where their relationship has been. But actually seeing this helped me get it. Oswald thinks he’s capable of doing great things for the city and its people. Jim also believes this of himself: Jim Gordon, hero of Gotham. They also both know they are capable of terrible, terrible things.

To have someone who is not only seemingly willing to forgive you anything, but who also has a seemingly endless capacity to believe in you? That’s about as a big a deal as you can get. No wonder they keep gravitating towards each other. Who wouldn’t?)

Harvey hurries in, shouting a Jim in warning. He’s swiftly followed by Barbara.

Hi Pengy. Bye Pengy

Wide-eyed, Oswald holds his hands out in front of him, falling back on what he always falls back on in dire straits

Jim!

Jim hurriedly gets in front of him, and faces Barbara down

Barbara, no

Barbara tells him to get out of her way or he’ll get her first bullet.

Jim insists that he’s not moving

We don’t get to see what Barbara does next, because there’s an explosion that knocks everyone to the ground. Oswald, Barbara and Harvey are unconscious, but Jim stands and looks around to see Haven up in flames. There’s no scream of rage – just resignation, and weariness.

(An aside - So, I’m guessing that the explosion was Jeremiah’s doing – given that it just so happened to coincide with Bruce not being anywhere near the building?)

General Observations

A couple of themes here.

The obvious parallel is between Jim and Oswald as leaders. Jim is the ‘good’ leader, Oswald the ‘bad’ leader. I don’t think we’re supposed to read more into it – but, as I said, I think you can really dig into a little more. Barbara comments offhand that Jim wants to be a hero. They both get emotional gratification from what they’re doing.

Oswald has already been chastened by Mr Penn’s death. How Jim copes with what has happened remains to be seen.

There was a little bit of crossover between storylines, if you squint, in the notion of proving yourself under pressure. Oswald eventually did the right thing. Oswald and Jim came together when it counted. On the darker side, Ecco seemed insistent that Selina could step up to the challenge she posed after a kick in the pants.

Given that it lasted a whole two episodes – the Oswald as dictator thing was dumb. Oswald’s whole thing is his ability to read motivations and needs and exploit those. He can’t just fall back on a family name, or use brawn to succeed. But suddenly he actually hadn’t realised that people hated him? Really? Equally – the bit later about him not understanding why people would resent the situation he offered: safety and stability – Oswald’s whole first season is him rejecting the notion of ‘knowing his place’ in favour of clawing his way up, risking his neck repeatedly.

Sorry – but this storyline has been dependent on both ooc-ness and Flanderizing his character.

Hmmm. See – here’s the thing. I liked Jeremiah last season – pre and post-gas. He was different and had his own quirks and complexities. He simmered icily – a contrast to Jerome’s all-out mayhem. But I find the whole Cult of Joker thing tiresome – with all the witless, biddable acolytes wittering on about how he’ll open your mind. It feels even more marked with Jeremiah, who essentially displays almost total contempt to anyone who isn’t Bruce. I’m guessing part of the reason he stays secluded is that he can barely tolerate them.

I wonder if we’ll ever find out why Ecco was so devoted to Jeremiah. Because she was – back last season – before all the gas stuff. Fiercely devoted. It didn’t feel like a romantic thing – and I was curious to find out what it was. Had he helped her out of a bad situation? Did his working set-up meet her needs and personality in some particular way?

Thoughts?

#gotham commentary #gotham s5e03 #penguin our hero

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