#just let people be themselves holy fuck. it literally does not hurt you

[sexygaywizard]

I've been seeing a lot of posts going around lately about how lesbianism needs to be more heavily policed, if you feel in any way discriminated against by other lesbians it's because you're not actually a real lesbian, you're lesbophobic, etc etc, and I really am fucking tired of it I have to be honest. You are not lesbophobic for being a complicated human being. I thought we were fucking aware by now that heavily policing lesbian identities was never cute, we had it with the fucking gold star lesbian bullshit, with the fucking political lesbian bullshit, etc etc. If you are so woke to the idea that society pressures women to be sexually attracted to men, why are you not woke to the idea that that can affect someone's psyche and how they perceive their own sexuality? Sexuality is complicated, gender is complicated, and idk why y'all are incapable of believing that can make identifying as any strict label complicated?? Acting like people haven't had it out for non-binary lesbians, for trans lesbians, for lesbians who used to id as bi and vice versa, for literally everyone who doesn't fit the cis gold star lesbian attracted to other cis gold star lesbian mold, and every time I see one of these posts I have to always check the notes for terfs because you are literally spouting off the same shit as them word for goddamn word. I was in an abusive relationship with a man for 3.5 years and identified as bisexual, and then after I got out of that relationship, I lost interest in men/realized I never had any (??? SHIT IS COMPLICATED), I haven't been with a man in 5 years but I still feel like I need to be paranoid about labeling myself as a lesbian and I can't talk about my past because sometimes I'm not sure if I still feel attraction to men and it's just suppressed because of trauma, or if I only think that I'm feeling attraction to men because of heteronormativity, etc and it's scary to even mention right now bc y'all are literally incapable of acknowledging that sexuality is complicated sometimes?? Like legit! If you are woke to heteronormativity how can you not understand that makes shit complicated. I know 40 year old lesbians who had threesomes with a man and it doesn't matter to them because they know who they are and what they are about. Also, other queer people using labels that make themselves feel comfortable is not somehow discrimination against you. Other queer people are not your fucking enemies and you need to stop treating them like your enemies, because it is not cute. You are not protecting lesbianism, you are just making people with complex and nuanced experiences feel unsafe. Get some fucking solidarity. I am tired. I am tired.

#if somebody tells me i have to identify as bisexual because of complicated and unclear feelings i keep to myself #im stealing something out your house!! #why tf is anybody's identity any of your goddamn business anyways jesus christ #just let people be themselves holy fuck. it literally does not hurt you #honestly preparing myself for hate over this but i just feel like its important to say #bc i know how negatively this affects people who dont fit the pristine cookie cutter idea of a label #but like bitch most people don't. life is complicated. #i talk

[hyunsvngs]

I have an idea for an a/b/o-adjacent/hybrid au fic?

okay so imagine: bunny hybrid reader who is getting increasingly frustrated by their sexual partners. everyone has heard the phrase ‘fuck like rabbits’ and they are especially tired of it. like yes, it’s true, bunny hybrids have a higher sex drive. and while their partners are always excited about this fact, they always end up disappointed. they all tap out before poor bunny!reader is fulfilled, so this phrase is a blessing and a curse for them. lots of people are interested in fucking them, but none of their encounters are ever what they need.

now cue bunny!changbin with the same problem, except he’s a bit nicer than bunny!reader and always lies to his partners about getting his fill as to not hurt any egos. but he is perpetually blue-balling himself because his partners always get totally fucked out before he’s really fulfilled. and on one hand he’s a little proud because his partners always get off at least, but he’s getting desperate.

they both, separately, confide in kitty!felix who lends a sympathetic ear while secretly plotting how he’s going to help his horny bunnies find each other. and he finally decides that he wouldn’t mind being there to lend a helping hand (he’s tried helping them both tbh but even his high libido can’t compare with them). so we get binlixreader threesome, where the bunnies get to play with felix before fucking each other. felix gets fucked out (of course) and resigns to curling up in a blanket and sipping some water while the bunnies are left to entertain each other.

and it’s going really well because by this point they’re quite comfortable with each other, and both so horny out of their minds that they just want to get on with it. and they are literally just fucking, like desperately riding each other through multiple orgasms and into overstimulation. but they both need it so bad and don’t want to stop. and even though they’re horny animals, binnie is still a gentleman so he has to check in like: “are you good? do you need a break?” and reader is thinking ‘oh no, this is it’ but is like “yeah, I’m fine. do you need a break?” and bin is like “no no, this is so good. like, please tell me when you want to stop but also I can’t imagine stopping right now” and reader is like “oh perfect, same. like don’t push yourself, but also just keep fucking me please”

so felix is just like, there (lol) waiting for them to tire each other out. he takes a nap, eats a snack, has a shower. the bunnies with their crazy low refractory periods probably have less than a minute breaks before they’re on top of each other again. felix eventually just leaves them be until they finally finish, then he comes in and makes them hydrate and quickly wipes them clean. and both of them are insatiable for another reason now, because they’re super sleepy and fucked out. so they whine and beg for felix to cuddle them and he’s like “oh my god, you’re both so needy” but does end up wedged between them while he coaxes them into eating snacks and pets their floppy ears. and he’s like “that was hot, but you two need to learn some self-control. do you know what time it is?” and they’re both like “mh-hm, m’okay, kisses please” 

and felix sighs and just decides to let his bunnies rest while he handles all the aftercare. which sort of ties into actual animal behavior, because cats view themselves as the dominant one when they groom other animals but rabbits view themselves as the dominant one when they’re being groomed. but anyway, felix continues to take care of his bunnies whenever they need him and they are also happy to dote on him when he needs a bit of love

anyway, byyyye (🌨️ anonnie)

HOLY FUCK

#juno’s asks ♡ #🌨️ anon 💌 #asks: changlix

[raddireksstuff]

No one ever expects anything from Airk

First thing we need to establish here is that Kit’s love language is Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch while Airk’s is Quality Time and Acts of Service. you can have a different opinion, but just so you know, I am right. 

Airk loved Madmartigan in a completely different way that Kit does. And in turn he hates Mads leaving in a completely different way that Kit does as well. 

Kit looked up to Madmartigan as the the way he was in the first half of the original movie. The rogue, the adventurer, the brave warrior, the knight who fought in the Battle of Nockmar. THAT’S who Kit idolized.

AIRK, looked up to Madmartigan the King of Tir Asleen. He looked up to the man who supported the newly established Queen Sorsha rebuild a city that had been frozen in time. literally. Airk watched this man respect, support, ground and LOVE his wife in every which way possible. watched him stand up for her when people are being too critical of her, support her decisions and make her see reason when she was being stubborn, and generally just be there for her. He is their rock, their pillar, the one who’s always there supporting and loving and caring! And sure, Mads told them stories about how he was in hey days of being an adventurer, and Airk liked them. He LOVES hearing about them but he liked the Madmartigan that he is experiencing, better. He looked to his father as the way he is right then at that moment. The man that he sees his father be everyday, is who Airk wanted to become when he grew up. Airk wanted to just like his father as he was when he was raising them.

So when Mads left and never came back, not only did Airk see how much it affected Kit but he also saw how it affected his mother because he didn’t just leave his kids behind he left his wife too! And broke it Airk’s image of him as the pillar of their family. 

He. Left. It didn’t matter WHY he did, he just did and he never came back. And THAT was unforgivable for Airk. Kit is a bit more selfish, she felt like he left HER specifically. Airk hated how he abandoned his family. Hated how him leaving hurt Sorsha and Kit so badly, in different ways sure, but made both of them retreat into themselves. 

So what did Airk do? He promised to himself that he’ll be better than his father. 

“... Just be the best brother, and husband, and father, and son that I can possibly be.” 

If his dad is going to abandon them and not do all those things that Airk thought was the best things he ever, then he’ll do it himself. He will take over where he thinks his father failed and do it BETTER. He will be the best son that his mother could ever possibly want. He will be the best brother that Kit could ever possibly need. He will be the best support for his family to prove to himself and his father that they never needed Madmartigan. He will become the pillar that his father couldn’t be.

And by the mother’s did he do his best. Airk did his best in EVERYTHING that Sorsha asked of him. Be there for Kit when the abandonment issues become a little too much. Tried his best to be the bridge between his mother and sister because holy fucking shit are they more similar than they would ever want to admit and by the mother’s Airk is the only one who was doing all the listening during their shouting matches. Airk has spent so long doing his best to fill that gap that their father left. 

The sad thing is that they never notice his efforts. and when they do, they disregard it completely. 

When he said “Kit, I’m not him.” when Kit said that he’s just like their father, that hurt him way more than he let on cuz they never notice his efforts. His mother never notices how hard he tries. How much he wants to be that stable presence for her. Everything he does is never enough, never what they need. And yet he still tries again and again cuz even though they never notice he still loves them even though no matter how hard he tries, he will always be the second fiddle. if not to Madmartigan, then to Kit. 

He’s frustrated and disappointed and angry. angry at himself for not being good enough, at his father for leaving, at his mother for always dismissing him, at his sister for comparing him to their dad. 

He needs somewhere to let out this frustration but unlike Kit, sword fighting does not sound like a good stress relief for him. so what does he do? he looks for any kind of stress relief in every corner of their kingdom. and he found it. by sleeping around. Because man does it feel good to be wanted. If not by his mother or sister, then by someone. anybody who was willing to give. to give to him instead of him giving. to be appreciated even just for a little bit. to be depended on by someone. anyone. after all... no one ever expects anything from him.

#airk tanthalos #someone give my son a hug #i came up with this while i was at work #i can only ever come up with deep angst and lore when it's about airk #im okay with that #willow #kit tanthalos #sorsha tanthalos #if this doesn't make sense dont tell me #this is the 3rd version of this rant

[humblefryingpan]

Can I just like Taylor Swift without people either on the internet or irl being a dick?

⚠️ Minor tw for mentioned pedophilia, car crashes and home invasion. Also I talk about harassment (sexual and regular) and referenced slut shaming. And some swearing.

This is a really long (like 12 paragraphs) and pretty negative post btw, if you choose to read it then it's on you

"I'm existed to listen to Taylor's new album! I like this song!"

The internet: have you considered you're just a white supremacist? (I'm not joking I actually just saw a post calling swifties white supremacists)

Ffs let me like things, it doesn't affect you in any way. I like her as a person and I love her music. You don't have to.

You don't like Taylor's music? Don't listen to her. You think she's annoying? Okay, I clearly dont, stop trying to make me upset over something that doesn't affect you. Notice how I keep my mouth shut when you rant about basic singer boy #7? It's pretty easy.

There are so many things I don't like that other people do and unless someone actually asks my opinion I will shut my mouth and let them enjoy it because it's none of my business.

Once someone I know saw me listening to music (with headphones!) and asked if I was listening to Taylor Swift bc they knew I like her. I was so I was like "yeah I'm listening to __ by Taylor :)" and then suddenly I couldn't listen in peace because they spent the next 40 minutes bitching about her. In no point during this did I make them or even suggest getting them to listen with me. I was literally just doing my work while listening to a song a like.

And the argument that she is single-handedly destroying the environment? Really? Yeah she has a private jet which isn't good for the environment but if she took public transport do you realize how much harassment she'd get? Say she just goes in a car, so many people have intentionally caused car crashes when around celebrities in an attempt to meet them or hurt them. Several people have tried to break into her house obviously she wouldn't be safe in public transport.

Even without the safety hazard you'd see how fast it goes from "taylor is polluting the air!" to "taylor is causing traffic on purpose!" or "taylor wastes loads of petrol/energy in her car!" Because she literally can't leave her house without getting blamed for something. She goes to see her boyfriend play football? She's ruining football. She dates someone? Slut. She breaks up with someone? Player/whore.

It's none of your business what she does. She makes people happy and she didn't hurt anyone intentionally, what about that is so awful that you need to yell at any random person that likes her? Sure some people take being a swiftie too far but even then, most of the time you don't know their life and even if there isn't more to it, it's not an excuse to judge an entire fan base for the minority of problematic people.

Imagine if I said every single singer is a pedophile because I found two singers that actually are. Would that be fair? What if I said every man harasses people just because some men do? Would I get yelled at?

People need to stop taking "I like this" as an excuse to make someone feel bad. Stop looking for excuses to be a prick because most of the time if you stop looking for reasons to be mad, your life gets a lot happier.

At the end of the day if I like Taylor Swift then there's another thing that makes me happy. If you don't then you should just not listen to her and let the people that do enjoy themselves because your misery shouldn't hurt other people.

Sorry for the angry/sad and long post but holy fuck it feels so necessary at this point

#taylor swift #just accept you dont like it and move on #leave me alone #dont spread unnecessary hate #vent post #taylor swift music #sorry for being depressing #but like i need to say it in the hopes someone will see it and shut up #please stop #stop hating unfairly

[vespertin-y]

liveblog time - here’s the first part of the third trial! OH BOY

-monokuma spends a long time insisting that he does NOT lie about motives and that the dead can be revived, but *only in the ultimate academy*. this...still doesn’t tell us how exactly they’re being revived (character backstory put into a new body VS the og person being put back into the simulation), but it’s at least interesting!

-”i dunno about tenko, but i’m pretty fuckin’ sure kiyo murdered angie!” miu calling the murderer themselves but then proceeding to be completely wrong about *how* the murder happened happens in nearly every trial and it’s always hilarious. love u queen.

-”you mean one of those *two* people! cuz a robot ain’t people, jack!” MIU! after all that maintenence together!?

-again with the ‘no-one could have opened that door but kokichi’! i get why it was written like this, but it’s still such a stupid assumption for the characters to make. they don’t even ASK if the others can lockpick, let alone consider that’s something easily lied about.

-”yeah, i did it. i killed angie.” [...hm.] HPDSHDDGHSGD SHUICHI YOU COULD AT LEAST *PRETEND* TO CONSIDER IT YOU’RE GONNA HURT HIS FEELINGS!! he even pulls out his blank, serious face for this one!!

-can irouma be normal. for FIVE MINUTES-

-”silence, outsider! only the Suspect Rangers are allowed to speak!” HPRGGDGDGDGFHFH. go go suspect rangers cartoon when...

-”it’s not meaningless!” [himiko?] “tenko’s death was meaningless? how dare you! poor tenko...how could you do this to her!?” “h-himiko...” “himiko, stop it with your crappy lies.” “lies...?” “everything you said is total bs. you didn’t give two shits about tenko when she was alive...but now you’re like, “oh no! poor tenko!” after she’s dead. c’mon, really?” “kokichi! enough!” ok first of all the voice acting here is so fucking good. himiko’s first shout before she dissolves into tears made me flinch in my seat, and kokichi is so low and cold and vicious. it’s also personally satisfying to me that’s it’s *gonta* who tells kokichi to stfu here, and that kokichi *listens* - he won’t bring this up again until after the trial, when he’s significantly gentler about it.

-”alright! i’ll put a silencing curse on whoever calls tenko’s death meaningless! the name of the curse is...Death Curse!” “i, um...suppose being dead would silence someone pretty good.” himiko and tsumugi r such a funny duo, they should’ve been besties

-”no, even if it was a different culprit, we need to know how tenko died. if we don’t find out who killed her, we won’t be able to work together. not now, not ever.” kaito is correct here however pls consider: me and tsumugi would really enjoy the paranoia and angst of knowing one of the group is a blackened!!

-”finally, you noticed! geez, you’re so slow...” “huh? did kokichi want us to notice-” FUCK now i really wish i transcribed it, but there was a bit early on in the trial where shuichi proves miu wrong and she claims she was just doing a bit to lead them to the right answer, and gonta says that’s really smart of her - he’s clearly applying the same concept here, and it makes me wonder how often he does so. tracking the thought processes of v3 characters is always so fascinating...

-”let us talk about tenko’s case, then. perhaps that will provide us a clue.” “y-yeah, maybe...” [i don’t mind going over tenko’s case, but...that was an abrupt change of topic. was that...intentional...?] HOLY SHIT WE ARE HALF AN HOUR INTO A FOUR HOUR TRIAL AND SHUICHI’S ALREADY CAUGHT ON. the serial killer backstory is definitely bullshit, kiyo literally cannot hide a murder to save his life.

-”well, that’s probably just a coinky-dink. the most suspicious out of us four is really...kiyo!” i’m starting to feel bad for the guy this is so embarrassing 😭

-”kehehe...it’s appearing before me...ooooh! i can see it clearly! the true identity of tenko’s killer!” bro you are laying it on WAY TOO THICK

-”maybe the floor and the hole have nothing to do with this case.” ”then why was floorboard under tenko lined up funny? gonta think that was so culprit could stab tenko from under floor...” “ooohh! nice observation, gonta! are you finally getting used to the class trials?” “uh-huh. thank you.” no offense but v3′s resident clown act obliterated me and then had a picnic on my grave i would simply quit murder.

-the entire rebuttal showdown is just miu correctly singling out kiyo - again - but being completely wrong about the method, so you have to disprove her. i’m in TEARS.

#dr #mem liveblogs

[the-proship-hellhole]

Absolutely DESPISE anti logic of 'shipping children with adults/in general makes you a groomer!!'

**As someone that was groomed for a good 4 years, on online spaces by one guy, I can promise the fucker did not just stroll up to me and shove porn in my face. Groomers are manipulative, controlling parasites (much like antis themselves) that single you out and do whatever they can to get you away from fandom - away from safe group of adults, and people in general, that can help see the red flags a minor would not be able to comprehend. It was only after he had gained my trust, got me away from people and had me in private Skype chats, that the idea of NSFW came up - and even then, it wasn't using kids in said NSFW situations. Groomers, as awful as it sounds, can be smart and know what they're doing to get a minors trust. As said, they don't just shove porn into a minors face, or show ships of kids with adults, and suddenly they have their victim.

The fact Anti's immediately go to 'groomer', 'paedophile', and all that bullshit as soon as they see a minor being shipped fucking disgusts me. It completely undermines anyone that is an actual victim of those disgusting people. One day, a paedophile will do some bad fandom shit and hurt real children, but because Anti's have watered down the meaning to literally anyone with a """"problematic"""" ship, the victims won't be believed until it's too fucking late. Anti's insistence of using these accusations hurt more people in the long run than it does help.

Antis do not care about children. They don't care about people at all. All they care about is making themselves look like God's greatest gift, and it doesn't matter to them who they hurt along the way. As long as in their eyes they have the moral high ground, they couldn't give a single fuck about actual victims. Antis are the scum of fandom; part of me hopes they're young and will grow out of the mindset - I know I did, as after I was groomed, I did develop the mindset of 'any nsfw of anything is bad and if you draw it you're a disgusting person', I no longer hold these believes and realise they're fucking ridiculous. But deep down, knowing some of them are older than myself, means I don't have a lot of hope. I currently hvae 200+ blogs blocked, all antis.

Sorry about the rant, but seeing people call Lacey, yourselves, and other people I follow/know 'groomers' and 'paedophiles' pissed me off. Antis have no idea what a real groomer is, and when a child does end up being a victim, and isn't believed because so many anti's decide to cry wolf whenever they see something they don't like, not only will I blame the abuser, but the anti's themselves for stomping the meaning of the word into the ground.

Again, sorry about the rant. Outside of morons on the internet, I hope both mods have a good day.

**SideNote: I am fully aware I was way too young to be online, unsupervised, when I was groomed (10-14 to be exact). While it's not my fault I was groomed, it is my fault, in my opinion, for being in an online space that I did not know how to navigate in a proper and safe way. I did not include that for pity, I don't give a shit, but an example of how groomers actually fucking act when they want to groom a child. I now spend my time making sure my niece/nephew are safe and careful on the internet, not helicoptering them, but making sure they're aware of ACTUAL dangers like actual paedophiles, and how to block things that upset them instead of letting them post unhinged rants on the internet.

Holy Fuck, Anon. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

First thing I want to address is NO. None of this is your fault. It is the fault of the parasite that groomed you and it is the fault of the adults in your environment for not making sure that you were able to navigate the internet safely.

Second thing, thank you for coming forward with this example of how groomers actually act.

Third, please don't apologize for rants. You've probably seen the novels antis have sent in as well as the novels I've typed. Sometimes we just need to get shit out before it causes us to combust.

We hope you have a good day too, Anon. Please continue to stay safe.

~ Mod Niecest

#mod niecest #askbox

[alostlittleriverlotus]

so I had a meltdown in front/fight with my mom and holy fuck. I got super delusional and stuff so bad cause the gaslighting and blaming.

A ranty rant. Cw for ableism, suicide mention, self harm mention, gaslighting and abusive mother stuff, probably other stuff but those are the big ones I can think of. Minor sa mention at the end.

I actually cant. I got overwhelmed from difficulty communicating (as well as emotions being intense since hormones from my period about to start which always makes it impossible to control) and started yelling and crying cause of a meltdown and overwhelm. It led into a bunch of different things and I don't wanna get too into it.

But the blaming with "when I have emotional breakdowns, I realize and calm down" I've had to teach myself emotional regulation, also I'm sleep deprived and going on my period soon, plus you as a trigger plus easily overwhelmed by my mind and foggy line of thinking constantly. "Well having an emotional episode is not the way to deal with it" this isn't a choice and is incredibly harmful to me and my body and my mental well being, it's a meltdown. "Well if you want to get better then why don't you try to?" You mean therapy? Yeah I'm not gonna be traumatized. So long as the systems suck in America, I cannot risk my safety by being vulnerable and hopeful just to basically be told i have to act neurotypical and appear functioning to be better. My getting better shouldn't come at the cost of my authenticity or having to force myself into a job despite everything I go through. The amount of times things my therapists have said have pushed me further into faking and even wanting to end my life is way too many.

And like, I could have brought up how I've witnessed her interact with my dad. Same struggle with communication and stuff. I see it with everyone she knows. And the way they talk to her too. It treats her like she's dumb and she just accepts it. It's honestly pretty sad how she's become so used to just accepting her being at fault and letting others lead even if they act condescending towards her.

And the entire time, through my delusions and such, all I could think was "it's not like this with MA" and MA and I have WILDY DIFFERENT thinking patterns. I'll get overwhelmed and may snap, but MA doesn't treat me like a monster for it. He lets me calm down and then I try to explain my side or let them explain so we can work out where the miscommunication is. But then with my mom, it's miscommunication happens, she talks over me, I get overwhelmed, she tells me how she should act around me (worst thing to do, will explain), which only worsens my overwhelm until I scream or hurt myself in a violent meltdown.

Okay the worst thing to do. People constantly project onto me and rely on me. To the point it's traumatized me as well as the fact it's linked to trauma with friends dying. Of course my mom doesn't know this, but I make it clear that she can't put stuff on me.

It's astounding how my parents' solutions to things is just "you tell me" "let us know" like. I tell them it doesn't work, I explain to them every single time why that won't happen, I say they know it won't happen. Of course they don't care, it's whatever helps them feel good about themselves.

Why does every conversation lead to this with my mom? Why is it that it always leads to her guilting me over not working or not "wanting to get better?" I'm disabled. I try to explain it, but you won't listen. I have to literally make my neurodivergency acceptable for you because you can't handle raw mental illness and autism. It just goes to prove how much she resents me and sees me as a burden for being this old and not working or in therapy. The ableism, the blame. Like all of it just hit hard and I saw the roots in her conservative beliefs too. Wanting to blame people, faking sympathy and understanding and maturity, putting the blame on others for not fitting in and stuff. No matter how many times I explain, how many times I put it in different ways, she won't remember. She doesn't remember. She just sees me as unwilling and entitled and lazy. And she says she wasn't blaming me by saying "when did I ever say it was your fault?" Your actions and what you were saying put the responsibility on me as if it was a choice. Making it MY fault I had an emotional breakdown, MY fault I can't control my emotions, MY fault I couldn't stay calm, MY fault I don't get help.

I felt so delusional and unstable. It was such an ugly cry and full on break down.

I just. It was intense and made me so mad. I doubt I explained any of it well. But man. I can't stand my mom. I can't stand my parents at all. Being discredited because I had an outburst, having my own emotions used against me as if I'm a monster for them, when every single time I had autistic traits I would get yelled at and punished for em.

Why are only my acceptable traits welcome? Why do I need to be the good neurodivergent to be worthy of understanding? Why does everything else make me a monster and get any of my feelings discredited? Oh yeah. Because of ableism. I don't care if I'm believed or not. I don't care about masking unless it's a safety thing. I just don't care anymore. I've been through hell. I wake up and an average day of pain is 3-5 with a few spikes of 6-9. I wake up exhausted and fatigued. I don't need to justify my disabilities and existence.

And most of all...im just fucking thankful for the communities here on tumblr. The NPD and ASPD positivity, the understanding of personality disorders and trauma, the disability community. I just. I would be so fucking lost without the posts I've reblogged and liked and stuff. I repost it a lot of time for others to see too, but sometimes it really is just for me. Like, knowing I'm not a monster for my emotions is the bare minimum, but when I have violent meltdowns and it's treated as if I'm some cruel shit, it hurts. So having peeps talk about things I deal with and saying it's okay helps so fucking much. I'd go crazy. It's why I often reblog a bunch of ultra specific stuff when I'm feeling triggered. Cause I need that positivity and understanding and validation and feeling seen. I live in a home that expects the good, acceptable neurodivergent or even better, the socially acceptable neurotypical. And I'm so much better about self blame, but that stuff hurts.

A few big things I remember in my fights with my mom is: You wouldn't believe me if I told you about my trauma. You wouldn't believe me if I told you I think I was assaulted. You wouldn't believe me if I told you I was a system. You wouldn't believe me if I brought up any of my disorders, especially the psychotic and personality ones. You wouldn't believe me if I used the word fatphobia even though what I described was fatphobia. You wouldn't accept me if I came out. You wouldn't accept me. You wouldn't listen. You wouldn't understand. You wouldn't care. You wouldn't believe me. It is never this way with MA or my girlfriend or Ray. It is never this difficult or humiliating or defeating or condescending with them. I don't feel like a monster when I lash out. I don't feel shamed and like I'm broken when I lash out with them. I don't feel bad when stuff happens.

I am not the problem. Because I have done everything right since I was a child and it will never be enough. I'm standing up for myself. And I am just glad I have a good support system. Otherwise I would be so delusional thanks to the gaslighting and using my emotions against me.

#rant #traumatized #disabled #actually narcissistic #actually antisocial #actually borderline #actually histrionic #actually schizoid #actually paranoid #schizospec #psychotic #autistic #actually autistic #autism #meltdown #violent meltdown #intense emotions #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #gaslighting #abusive mother #neglectful mother #fight #hurt #actually disabled #actually traumatized #npd #bpd #hpd #aspd

[arguablysomaya]

batfam fanfics that don't have enough fucking attention

alright i'm finally doing it gents listen up

1. Bang, bang by @Ididloveyou_once

Summary: ‘You shot me!’ Jason gasped, stunned, ‘Holy shit, you actually shot me.’

Tim’s eyes widened and he froze. They stared at each other for a second, dumbstruck and then-

‘Don’t tell Bruce.’

Or: The family enjoy a normal movie night. Except Jason has a gunshot wound and Tim’s the only one who knows and oh- that’s because Tim’s the one who shot him and they really, really need to find a way to leave before anyone finds out.

This fic is fucking hilarious and the characterization + banter is on point. i have a bit of a soft spot for schemes <3

2. four brothers, one crush, and absolutely zero braincells to be found by @Ms_Trickster

Summary: Tim: i need to know what’s the best way to a boy’s heart

Damian: Easy. The best way to someone’s heart is through their ribcage. Everyone knows that.

Damian: Come on Timothy, I expected better from you.

Dick: I-

Dick: Try again

Tim is having boy troubles.

Tim goes to his brothers for help.

Tim...did not think that plan of action through.

(In which the batbros give Tim advice on relationships, told entirely through texts.)

Again, fucking hilarious. the chat titles are SUCH a nice touch and it really feels like authentic sibling silliness

3. Night at the (National) Museum by @collectivefandomstuff

Summary: Tim finds himself having, once again, been dragged into the social event of the season. As he slowly dies of boredom and the physical exertion of not rolling his eyes, he bumps into his fellow prisoners brothers and they decide to do something about Bruce’s tendency to trick them into going to these things. More specifically, they decide to cause as much trouble as possible in the hopes that Bruce will just straight up stop inviting them. [cue mission impossible theme]

“We could call in a bomb threat?”

“That’s imaginative.”

“Ok, then we get paintball guns and go to town.”

“Also unhelpful.”

“No, wait! That’s actually a good idea!”

“Really Dick? You don’t think people are going to ask questions if the Waynes start literally hunting socialites for sport?”

I. Love. Schemes. also the writing style is so good omg if i could write like this i'd literally die happy lmao

4. Cingulomania (Sometimes, Dad Needs a Hug) by @charleswaterloo

Summary: ‘Right,’ Tim said, in the voice he used on missions, ‘we’re going to have to call in an expert.’

*

‘Hey guys!’ Dick said, voice slightly crackly over Tim’s phone speakers. ‘What’s up? I’m not supposed to visit until tomorrow - is something wrong?’

-

Something is seriously not right with Bruce. They’re a family of detectives and no one can figure it out. It’s kind of embarrassing.

They’re all starting to get worried.

-

(Sometimes, Bruce needs a hug.)

ok this fic is just really fucking sweet and sometimes a bitch is soft okay?

5. After the Fall of Olympus by @/killthespare

Summary: The League has fallen. The team is dead. All that’s left is for Dick Grayson to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Easier said than done.

this fic is literally a must-read in the dc fandom it's not done yet but holy shit. basically goes through young justice and other arcs if the league had died while dick was robin. perfect if you liked young justice and convoluted plotlines, and this fucking fic kicked my emotional ass SO hard

6. And The World Came Crashing Down by @One_annoying_bird

Summary: When Dick and three of his siblings find themselves within the wreckage of a collapsed building, Dick makes the executive decision for himself to be rescued last.

Even if his injuries really demand for him to be first.

Not that he'll let anyone know that last bit.

Fuck me dude. i'm always a sucker for whump

7. Asimov's Integral by @sElkieNight60

Summary: Tim is an unwanted android, a Robo-Child. After being sent back by his parents, his last and only hope rests in the hands of a man still grieving the loss of his own son.

“I didn’t ask for a replacement,” Bruce barked. “I don’t want a replacement! You can go back and tell the RCO I don’t need a replacement.”

Bruce Wayne didn’t want him. If Bruce Wayne didn’t want him, he’d be sent back and dismantled.

this one hurt me <3 android AU, tw for tim absolutely abysmal mental state and attempted suicide

8. Midnight Book Club by @badwolf36

Summary: “Dick is a lying liar who lies,” Jason declares, drawing his knees up to his chest. His ribs are screaming in that very special way that lets him know at least one or more is bruised (or, more likely, cracked).

“Dick wasn’t the only one who turned you in.” Cass says, now tracing ‘moron’ onto his forehead. “Also, Alfred.”

___________

Cass and Jason discuss books as they wait for Jason to be able to stand up after taking a brutal hit.

this one's a really sweet, quiet piece about jason and cass's relationship (which i absolutely love) and cass's characterization is spot on perfect

9. You fuck with them, you fuck with me by @oclark1226

Summary: When Batman's out of the country for Justice League business, it falls on Dick to find his missing brothers. Once he does, however, he nearly loses control fighting their kidnapper. He has to deal with both the mental and physical consequences of that fight while helping his brothers heal. Includes some soft Bruce tending to both of his eldest boys because they need some hugs and they support him in return.

now this one is simply criminally underrated. hella protective dick, which is my lifeblood, and some of the most well-written hurt/comfort i've read

10. Conflict Resolution by @anicomicqueen

Summary: It started off as a quiet Sunday morning, until Timothy and Damian decided to take their argument outside.

who would i be if i didn't end off with some fluff?? this fic is literally catharsis and i cherish it so much plus its hilarious

#batfam #fic rec #batfam fic rec #batfam fanfiction #dc comics #batman #batman fanfiction #batfamily #dc #dcu #bruce wayne #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #batkids

[lewishamil10n]

hi! zero obligation to answer this ask but I’m an old school SPN fan (went to a convention in 2013 and everything lol) who stopped watching in season 9 & hasn’t seen a full episode past that point. I’m wondering if you could recommend any episodes from season 9-15 that you think are essential viewing for the Sam x Dean relationship? I know episodes like Red Meat and Baby are popular but any others you can think of would be amazing!

hi anon! sorry this took a while, i was compiling the list, and then halfway through my app crapped out and i had to do it all over again. thanks, tumblr :')

anyway, here is the comprehensive list of my personal fav samdean episodes! i'll be putting most of it under a cut, since it's kinda long, and i'll add a samdean factor (sdf) rating out of ten at the end of each episode summary.

here goes!

season 9

actually my least favorite season, but it does have a couple good episodes

9.05 dog dean afternoon – dean becomes a dog. sort of. yeah. humorous motw (monster of the week) episode with some hurt!sam and some good face-caressing action from dean. sdf 7/10.

9.07 bad boys – motw, has flashbacks to teenage dean. some retconning about john that might bother you if you're a john fan. overall a good episode, with a moment at the end showing just how much sam means to dean. sdf 6.5/10.

9.13 the purge – boys go undercover at a spa. also the episode that introduces donna. motw, lots of humorous moments, including the classic sam and dean being confused for a couple thing. also, sam doing yoga. the boys do have an argument at the end though, for plot-related reasons. sdf 7.5/10.

9.23 do you believe in miracles – overall kind of a boring episode, but has a samdean moment at the end when dean decides to take a temporary vacation from the mortal plane. you could just watch that on youtube though, with the keywords "i'm proud of us." i wouldn't say it's worth putting yourself through the entire episode. up to you entirely. sdf 5/10.

season 10

10.03 soul survivor – actually one of my favorite episodes. not top 5 or anything but it's up there. demon dean chases sam around the bunker a lot, he was nice and scary, and the suspense was fun. references to married samdean at the end. sdf 7.5/10.

10.05 fan fiction – basically a love letter to the fans. motw at a high school play based on the supernatural books. lots of brother moments, by proxy and in actuality. the show pokes fun at itself in a light-hearted way. the samulet is brought up. good stuff. sdf 8.5/10.

10.06 ask jeeves – one of my absolute favorite episodes to rewatch. motw, classic locked-room mystery except in a house. sam and dean stuck with rich pretentious WASPs. sam versus cougars. the phrase "homosexual murderers." overall a very good episode. sdf 8.5/10.

10.12 about a boy – motw, deaged!dean shenanigans. sam gets to be the big brother for once. lots of banter. a cute scene with dean telling stories of his and sam's childhood. a fun episode to watch. sdf 7.5/10.

10.14 the executioner's song – oh man, what an episode. plot-related. dean versus cain, excellent fight scene, even better emotional samdean moment later. it's a short moment so you could just youtube it if you wanted, but overall i would recommend this episode. sdf 8/10.

10.19 the werther project – motw with some plot-related stuff. warning for suicide. really good episode, though intense. good samdean moments at the end, including hurt!sam and dean stroking his hair. sdf 9/10.

10.23 brother's keeper – season finale. suspenseful episode, i liked it. watch for the sam versus dean fight, and death's scenes. the brother moment pay-off is SO GOOD. in my opinion this is where spn started getting good again. sdf 9.5/10.

season 11

aka my favorite season

11.04 baby – easily my top 10, if not my top 5. motw told from the impala's perspective. so many brother moments, and improvements on their relationship like open communication etc. really brilliant. don't miss this one. sdf 10/10.

11.05 thin lizzie – fun episode until the axe murders start. sam and his thing for serial killers, dean indulging him. the implication of bed-sharing. banter and fun. good stuff. sdf 8.5/10.

11.08 just my imagination – motw episode, super cute moments. sam getting affirmation that he's a hero. flashbacks to younger sam and dean. dean being jealous of someone else being protective of sam. lots of humorous moments. sdf 9/10.

11.10 the devil in the details – plot episode. watch mainly for sam standing up to lucifer, and dean protecting him. excellent excellent moments. warning: you might feel rage by the end of it due to a certain angel's bad decisions. sdf 9.5/10.

11.11 into the mystic – motw at a senior home. eileen is introduced. sam accidentally says fuck in asl. good episode. broment with sam thinking about his and dean's future. sdf 8/10.

11.16 safe house – amazing episode. motw. the boys work a case worked by bobby and rufus in the past. excellent transitions between present and past, bobby and rufus banter, and dean reaffirming that sam is a part of his soul. sdf 9/10.

11.17 red meat – do i need to say any more. possibly my favorite episode of ALL TIME. motw. hurt!sam, reckless!suicidal!dean. straight up romeo and juliet parallels. badass sam. the boys being compared to a married couple. the classic spn vibe is [chef's kiss] sdf 15/10.

11.19 the chitters – motw episode featuring two of my favorite one-off characters. more classic spn vibes, specifically wendigo (monsters in the woods). more of dean comparing him and sam to a married couple. the usual. sdf 8.5/10.

11.20 don't call me shurley – the show could have ended at this episode and it would have been perfect. more classic spn vibes, with a case in a small town. more sam and dean moments than you know what to do with. soft touches and reaffirming their love and obsession with each other. a long-standing theory confirmed. and of course, one of the most important objects in their personal history. sdf 13/10.

season 12

also one of my favorite seasons

12.01 keep calm and carry on – no bro interaction in this one, but you might enjoy it if you like hurt!sam and feral!protective!dean. also, dean talking mary's ear off about sam. sdf 7/10.

12.04 american nightmare – motw with one of my favorite one-off characters again. sam's past is revisited. brothers have some nice moments of banter, but it's mostly sam-centric. sdf 6.5/10.

12.06 celebrating the life of asa fox – motw in which dean literally forgets his mother's existence because a door comes in between him and sam. great episode. another locked-room mystery in a house; the brothers attend the wake of a famous hunter and run into other hunters who see them as legends (also what inspired my url lol). trouble happens. sdf 8.5/10.

12.09 first blood – separation anxiety leads them to make a stupid deal in order to break out of a maximum security facility and see each other again. separation described as "worse than hell." unironically. badass winchesters. underrated episode, one of my favorites. i rewatch it a lot actually. sdf 9/10.

12.11 regarding dean – motw. a curse causes dean to start losing his memory. he begins forgetting everything, including sam. angst and brother moments ensue. rowena is there. good stuff. sdf 8.5/10.

12.20 twigs and twines and tasha banes – the witch twins return! good motw episode with interesting characters, paralleled with the boys. wish we'd gotten a banes twin spin-off or at least more episodes with them. sdf 7.5/10.

12.22 who we are – sam and dean getting themselves out of a death trap. dean finally gets to use his rocket launcher. the words "hey lunatic" are said in the way most people say "i love you." bro hug. dean is proud of his badass little brother. ass is kicked. the brothers do separate midway through the episode but the broments more than make up for it. dean stands up to mary for everything she did to her boys with her choices – especially sam. extremely emotional episode, sdf 10/10 would recommend.

season 13

13.11 breakdown – motw. dean takes a visibly depressed sam on a hunt to help donna out. some epic hurt!sam ensues. brother moment at the end where they talk about sam's depression. sdf 7.5/10.

13.12 various and sundry villains – humorous motw episode. dean gets put under a spell by a witch and is convinced she's his soulmate. sam, his actual soulmate, is not amused. wrestling and shenanigans ensue. rowena is there, as she usually is when witchy shenanigans are going down. she and sam talk about their lucifer-related trauma. good episode overall. sdf 8.5/10.

13.15 a most holy man – motw (sort of) where the boys hunt down a skull, knock the fuck out of a priest, and engage in general shenanigans. humorous broments scattered throughout the episode. jealous!dean makes an appearance. sdf 8.5/10.

13.17 the thing – motw. sam gets kidnapped, dean loses his shit. lovers are separated across an interdimensional rift, while dean debates whether it's safe to take sam across another interdimensional rift. parallels between the brothers and a pair of lovers? yep. must be another day ending in y. sdf 9/10.

13.19 funeralia – wonderful, wonderful episode. rowena and billie are BRILLIANT. dean freaks out again because he's separated from sam. important revelation about sam and rowena at the end. sdf 8.5/10.

13.21 beat the devil – sam and dean go to the alternative universe to save mary and jack. BAD SHIT happens to sam and dean can't help him at all, leading him to go literally mute with grief. so. many. emotions. no one matters to these boys as much as each other and this episode is testament to that. sdf 10/10.

13.22 exodus – HUG. BROTHER MOMENT. BADASS BOYS. SAM BEING A LEADER. GOOD STUFF ALL AROUND. sdf 9/10.

13.23 let the good times roll – dean and sam get separated again thanks to lucifer and dean makes an impulsive decision for sam's sake. the world's silliest angel fight ensues. beautiful moment at the end that unfortunately doesn't last. sdf 9.5/10.

season 14

14.04 mint condition – halloween motw episode. nice homage to slasher flicks, plus sam and dean being cute in their insurance guy outfits. broment in the beginning AND end of episode. dean calls sam pretty a lot. one of my fav episodes to rewatch. sdf 9.5/10.

14.08 byzantium – nice angsty episode. sam grieves jack when he, in true winchester style, takes a temporary vacation from the mortal plane. he and dean (and cas) fight to get their kid back. a good ep if you like sam angst and dean worrying about him. sdf 7.5/10.

14.11 damaged goods – another angsty episode. dean resorts to desperate measures to deal with his annoying skull roommate issue. sam is not happy about it but reluctantly goes along. featuring the hug-from-behind that's become legendary in gifs, and dean saying Those Three Words along with other things that indicate that sam is the most important person in his life. sdf 9/10.

14.12 prophet and loss – the boys go to help donatello who's in a coma. sam is angsting over dean's decision from the previous episode. dean is angsting over sam's angst. castiel is just kinda there. then sam has a breakdown which short-circuits dean's brain and resets it back to common sense. brohugs and tears ensue. one of my favorite hugs mostly due to how Baby Brother sam is in it. sdf 10/10.

14.13 lebanon – DO NOT SKIP THIS. lots of cute moments showing sam and dean's life in their town, plus. john winchester. SO MANY BROMENTS. literally all they do is talk about how much they love each other. they get closure from john. lots of tears are shed. i will never be the same again. sam and dean are each other's endgame and i will go feral. sdf 14/10.

14.17 game night – an okay episode, though it has a great hurt!sam broment near the end. worth watching for that itself. dean takes care of his baby brother and i cry a little into my bowl of chips. sdf 8/10.

season 15

15.01 back and to the future – another okay episode. there's a nice scene where dean fixes up a bullet wound in sam's shoulder, but you could probably find that on youtube too. sdf 6/10.

15.04 atomic monsters – kinda a depressing episode even by spn standards, tbh. motw, again where dean takes a visibly depressed sam on a hunt. the hunt hits too close to home, sam's depression gets worse, and he talks to dean about it in the end of the episode. it was a good scene, was nice to see sam discuss his mental health and dean listening. sdf 8/10.

15.11 the gamblers – motw. the boys go to a bar in alaska to win back their luck from the goddess fortuna. some other plot stuff happens with castiel and jack but eh. the boys play pool and have some nice moments. also, snarky sammy! sdf 8/10.

15.14 last holiday – motw. the boys accidentally release a wood nymph named mrs. butters who looks after them in a creepy kinda grandmotherly fashion. they get to have birthdays! but of course she's not what she seems, etc. etc. some hurt!sam, a few cute brothers-and-jack-as-family moments. sdf 6.5/10 (some marks reduced due to unnecessary and nonsensical inclusion of saileen)

15.17 unity – plot episode, honestly just watch for the moment near the end where sam is able to talk dean out of his existential-crisis-induced mind-controlled state, breaking chuck's hold over him. it's a great moment, but like. i'd say go watch on youtube instead of watching the entire ep. sdf 7/10 due to the moment.

15.19 inherit the earth – the boys finally take back control of their own lives and destiny. the universe is back in order with a new deity. classic sam and dean versus cosmic entities, with nothing but each other and their sheer willpower. beautiful, beautiful ending. the show could have ended here and been perfect. sdf 10/10.

15.20 carry on – the episode that might finally land me in therapy. the series finale that made this entire 15-season ride so worth it. lovely motw episode, full of love and passion and heart, and a monologue from dean that will have you in tears. The Three Words are spoken. he calls sam his baby brother. hands are held and foreheads are touched. i was literally sobbing while watching this, and i never cry at tv shows or movies. even now when i think of this episode my heart feels heavy and full in the best of ways. the entire episode is a love letter to the pilot, to the boys, and to everyone who's stuck with them. it is the distilled essence of what made this show special. i still haven't been able to rewatch because of how emotional it makes me. sdf 34693/10.

well anon i hope this long list helped!!! enjoy your watch <3

#supernatural #samdean #asks #anonymous #naila.txt

[solarsleepless]

Hello good sir.

Please rant to me about avian hybrid/ Lion hybrid/ enderman hybrid c!Niki headcanons and au's. I NEED MORE of your c!niki banter cs I have already read your fics 3times over and over again.

SHJHJSHJSHJSHJSH GIVE ME GENDER EUPHORIA AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

i'll give some hcs for each

Avian Niki

niki is either a crow hybrid or an angel hybrid. on one hand crow niki is funny to me on the other hand badass angel

her feathers, ironically, stay white during her 'villain' arc because yaknow symbolism

when she was going out with puffy, she'd let puffy preen them

because she was the only other winged hybrid, quackity trusted her to preen his own wings

in return he preened hers while she was in jail

she used to fly with puffy because love <3

during her isolation arc, she takes out feathers as an unhealthy coping mechanism, reasoning to herself that there's no need to preen if she doesn't have any feathers left (yes it's morbid)

eventually tho she just. doesnt even wear clothes for her wings

she just hides them underneath, which is of course VERY uncomfortable

they get worse and worse and ache more and more and she wants to fly so badly but she can't unless she preens them and she can't because she just can't!

when she joins the syndicate, the first thing phil says during their second meeting is: "hey niki didn't you have wings? what happened to them?"

his voice is tinged with sympathy; he knows what it's like to not be able to fly

she freezes, just stops moving, then starts to cry

phil is worried he's done something wrong, but then she reveals that she's kept her wings hidden under wil's coat and cloak all that time (note the symbolism)

he immediately is like "what the FUCK" when he sees them because there are feathers falling when it's not even shedding season yet?? also there are a few in places they shouldn't be at all? there are some fucking missing?????

long story short it takes multiple hours to get them back in place

niki passes out during it because it's been so long since she hasn't been in constant pain

when she wakes up, phil insists on keeping her there to preen her wings

also the syndicate has a long discussion about what happened and they promise each other and themselves to help her get better

Lion Hybrid Niki

she purrs end tweet

no but seriously this girl will purr to end and back

she purrs louder than ranboo which is SAYING something

she loves the scritchy scratches behind the ears. like REALLY loves 'em. she'll just- once you give her scritches she just. surrenders and leans into it. her purring sounds like a fucking jet plane when she gets the scritchies

she can roar, she only uses it to intimidate people tho

her self-worth is just. deeper than bedrock. she has no self-worth

she and puffy are working on it but she still... needs help

sometimes she gets phantom pain from her declawed fingers. she's found out it hurts less when she massages it, but she can't actually reach it, so she asks puffy to do it, and puffy can't help but feel guilty each time she sees the stumps

also niki hates getting her nails trimmed. like HATES it. even if she doesn't want them growing as long as they did before, the idea of something sharp near her fingers after what happened just makes her blanch

eventually tho she does have to do it

she hugs puffy while ant cuts her nails, and puffy whispers sweet, reassuring comments to her.

like

"you're doing so good. i'm so proud of you" and "we're almost there. you okay? we're gonna get through this."

sometimes tho niki just.. can't handle it. but she doesn't want to disappoint puffy either so she tries to just get through it anyways.

puffy notices her discomfort and asks her if she wants to stop. niki hesitates before nodding.

"niki, you being comfortable is so much more important than this. we can do it tomorrow, okay?"

Enderman Hybrid Niki

makes littol enderman noises. sometimes when she's stressed, sometimes just idly, sometimes when she's happy!

she has a tail because how can i not give her one

also she has pawsies and hands like magpiebur by @/nightferns (BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY THEY DRAW WILBUR'S PAWWWS)

can withstand water a little better than ranboo, being more human than him

it still burns though

she just has higher pain tolerance lul

also can touch snow unlike ranboo because she's half human, half enderman

her ears and tail twitch whenever she's anxious

didn't really like eye contact, and the l'manbergians respected that (esp eret who didnt like people staring at their eyes either) until schlatt came along and basically forced it, so she kinda forced herself to do it from then on

unlike ranboo however, she doesnt go into enderwalk. she actually hasn't got an enderwalk because ranboo got it from nervous habit and it 'evolved' from there (my hc anyway), she instead literally gets hurt

like it hurts her to make eye contact

ranboo sees that she makes eye contact despite being an enderman hybrid and is like: "...HOW???"

she's just like "oh i force myself to do it lul. cause everyone expects me to anyways. it hurts after a while but its fine"

he just goes completely silent after that, then tells phil and techno at the syndicate meeting (while niki is admiring steve) not to hold eye contact w/niki because it hurts her

techno: "HEHH??? she seemed fine when i visited her!!" ranboo: "yeah she's been hiding it this whole time because society expects her to do it." techno, an adhd fella: "..phil where are the adoption papers-"

niki's confused by the end. why did nobody look at her? why did nobody maintain eye contact with her??? did they not like her?

but at the end phil explains that they thought that because she was an enderman hybrid she wouldn't like it (they're lying to not throw ranboo under the bus)

niki just stares, then starts to cry because holy Shit they are so nice

"nIKI NO YOU'RE BURNING-"

used to bite her tail as a way of self-harm. techno was VERY concerned when he saw the bite marks, but niki just lied and said that it was a dog attack

he knows for a fact it wasn't a dog because he's been bitten and his furniture has bites and it didnt look like that

more like that One Time when Ranboo bit him while he was in his enderwalk state

cue him connecting the dots and being like "...WAIT"

niki also really likes blocks. like we all know her city is weird in some parts because it's built with different blocks, signifying niki's jumbled up mind while planning to kill tommy. but in the enderman hybrid niki hc, its also partly because blocks feel nice and she wanted to feel different ones

her tail curls around the legs of people she likes. so far, it's gone around: wilbur, tommy n tubbo (those two specifically during pogtopia), fundy, eret, puffy and the rest of the syndicate

whenever puffy made her flustered she'd blush either green or pink. no inbetween. puffy was very confused and thought niki was disgusted by her at first and was all :(( before niki explained her wack biology

that's all i got for now im afraid!

#fei tag #ask #niki nihachu #niki nihachu headcanons #nihachu headcanons #dsmp headcanons #ranboo #philza #techno #the syndicate #captain puffy #puffychu

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.

but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]

part 2: dramas

mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known

includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.

Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 

Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.

Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.

Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.

Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.

A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).

Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!

Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry

The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry dramas #im so sorry if this got long but also #I have too many Thoughts #all I do is cry over two sad gays #its pain o'clock sweeties #time to Sob about the mortifying ordeal of being Known

[kuipersorbit]

politics dont work on dsmp like you think they do: a badly written analysis

ok ive been seeing posts about techno being ancap because he teamed with quackity and purpled so I thought Id write something out to get my thoughts out there. (not only those, those are just the ones that felt like a punch to the gut) nobodys gonna see this but none of my friends are into this fandom (understandably) that i can talk to so here we go!!!

warning, this is p long!! there are 3 sections:

Anarchy v. democracy (differences to real life)

tubbo v. schlatt: minecraft governments

specific types of posts that we hate to see/dont make sense

Anarchy v. democracy (differences to irl)

So the fact that there are differences from minecraft rp to irl is pretty obvious, but i still see people talking like its not so heres some points. I see a lot of people defend c!tubbo and lmanburg for making a government, but I dont think they see the imact of government (even democracy) on the dsmp because it works for countries irl. so here you go: theres like 20 active members on dsmp. only half are in lmanburg.

why does this matter? because (as techno has mentioned in a couple of streams) thats a very small amount of people. lmanburg as a country could operate as an equal nation, as they could all fit at one table to talk. literally. Imagine someone in your household or in your friendgroup declaring themselves president and then actually having the power to make laws and exile people. weird right? It doesnt matter if the friend is well-liked or elected, they still have the power to control everyone else with no repercussions. Technoblade and Philzas perspective is this: nobody here should be given the power, because it always changes them and turns sour fast. they advocate for anarchy, which sounds crazy and violent, but what they really want is the friend group to be back on equal terms.

compare this to united states politics and then you open up a completely different can of worms. Those who argue for a system to hold people accountable and to make a system for orderly mass change are still justified. principles of anarchy built for large nations are still valid, but MUCH easier to achieve on a small minecraft server

tubbo v. schlatt: minecraft governments

SO. lets talk about tubbos rule. he seems to have good intentions at first, and is definitely not as bad as schlatt, but things start to go badly as he realizes he can get away with more and more. say we give him a by for exiling tommy because he was manipulated. (even though a government allows those systems to happen IN THE FIRST PLACE).

Technos execution is the first glaring red flag of his presidency. you could say that he was doing it as revege for?? two withers?? but then quackitys speech and the existence of a hit list immediately counter that. IF the execution was for JUSTICE they would have let him have a TRIAL. thats why its called the JUSTICE system. They have a pre-built courthouse and everything!! Another example of tubbos presidency souring is the destruction of phils house. they kept a man who constantly moves around in house arrest for the crime of?? being friends with someone?? as well as break his windows and loot his chests, the very same thing he condemned tommy and ranboo for. (ranboo is not innocent either btw, i have a whole nother rant about why i lowkey cant stand ranboos character, but thats for later.)

Not to mention pressuring ranboo to hurt people he didnt have qualms with, continuing to force a no-armor rule despite residents having reason to be wary, and selectively choosing who to be in his "cabinet", pushing people like Niki, who have been there since the beginning, to the side for QUACKITY of all people who has a very scuffed moral compass.

What did schlatt do again? he raised taxes, especially for niki (one of the only things he is very much at fault for), broke trees and buildings, enforced borders, killed tubbo, and exiled two of his competitors. Personally, I'd say tubbo and schlatt are equally bad here, schlatt just seems worse because he made his intentions known.

specific types of posts that we hate to see

we as in me. i hate to see em. Political compasses??? ew. bad. dsmp has only 20 people and no economy. (quackity wants to make one to gain power, purpled made a unsucessful real estate buisness for laughs early on.) People associating the syndicate/anarhcy with violence and chaos?? NO. BAD. they just want the friend group to be equal again. they just want a system where they cant be betrayed, ignored, and stepped on for no reason.

-extra snowchester point because this gets on my nerves. the syndicate was not expecting tubbo to be there. they did not go in any buildings without permission. they were very upfront about their goals and suspicions. not once was violence threatened, even after learning about nukes. also do not try me with "but techno has withers!!" EVERYONE can get withers. withers are a nuisance but destroy land maybe 4-5 blocks deep.

TUBBO and MANY OTHER SERVER MEMBERS have stolen and walked on technos land and he did nothing. He SAW tubbo, knew about connor, etc. and he did nothing. If youre upset about techno stepping foot on tubbos land, be upset at tubbo for doing the same to techno first.

conclusion

anarchy in a server is just "hey can we not?? dictate the lives of out friends??" and governments of ANY KIND have hurt people on all occasions. this is not the same irl. please know the difference.

IF YOU READ ALL THIS: holy fuck. thank you. this is my first long textpost here, i dont expect to get any traction or anything, i just wanted to put my thoughts in order.

#dsmp writing #dsmp discussion #dsmp discourse #its probably tubbo critical?? idk you tell me i can add it #lmanburg #lmanburg critical #technoblade #hot takes #textpost #long reads #tubbo #dsmp tubbo #dsmp techno #philza #dmsp philza #niki nihachu #dsmp niki #dsmp schlatt #quackity #dsmp quackity #HOLY SHIT SO MANY TAGS #dream smp #feel free to comment or ask if you disagree want to add on or anything else #im always probably wrong n honestly i just would love to talk

[thatasianstereotype]

Fuck. I’m Gay.

I’ve been reading a lot of ml salt fics lately (mainly @unmaskedagain which is a literal goldmine of saltiness). And getting into the Damienette ship. Marinette really does deserves better (Fuck Canon) but so does Adrien. He is not a “sidekick”. Chat Noir and Ladybug are partners = equals. So I decided why not write a fic where Adrien gets his own happy ending in the form of a grumpy assassin-turned-vigilante that loves animals more than people. 

Somewhat of a crack writing where creative liberties were definitely taken. 

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.

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Lila Rossi is a bitch and everyone knew it. Well, by everyone, Adrien means himself, his good-amazing-make-pastries-for-him friend Marinette, his maybe-not-really-sure friend Chloe and his-not-that-close-really-classmate Nathaniel. 

Yeah. It was a small number. 

But Lila is still a bitch. 

Anyway, Lila’s lies and manipulations have disturbed the status quo and not in a good way. She ended up making the majority of the class fawn over her like she was a perfect goddess and not a pompous-temperamental-hormonal teenager. Teenagers were prone to be gullible; he can understand his classmates being inclined to believe her. But this was utterly ridiculous (man, Chloe is rubbing off on him). No. You know what’s even more ridiculous? Ms. Bustier letting Lila get away with it. She doesn’t even stop the class mistreating Marinette who claimed she was a bully just because of you know who - Fucking Lila Rossi. The audacity of that bitch and her bitchy followers, am I right? 

Growing up he watched the tv shows and the animes. High schools always had their drama but he thought that was to get some plot going on. He didn’t think it was an actual thing that happens in real life. But he was proven wrong. Françoise Dupont High School had their drama and it was way worse than what he watched on screen. 

The worst part was that he couldn’t get away from Lila. Or he’ll be pulled from school (Fuck you Dad). He had to sit next to that bitch and listen to her drone on and on about things they both knew she didn’t do, about things she promised to do for her ever gullible followers friends. And couldn’t say anything against it if he wanted to stay in school. But even his discreet questioning didn’t do that much. It got some of the class to think something’s possibly fishy with her stories but not enough to think Lila was evil. So he just gave up. Because what was even the point? 

He was distancing himself from Alya and Nino. He couldn’t really be friends with people who thought Lila held the sun and moon. They didn’t hang out as much as they used to and he made excuses when they did invite him to stuff. Lately, he was making outrageous excuses - like he had to take his cat to the vet even though he didn’t have a cat - to see if they caught on. They didn’t. It was fun but he didn’t know whether to feel happy or sad about that. But feeling sad-depressed-pain over it was a bitch so he decided to take his victories as they come. 

Chloe had left the school earlier on. Her mom wanted to spend one-on-one time with her daughter (Yeah, Audrey is better at being a mother here). She was completely out of this drama mess. And Nathaniel kept his head down to not paint a target on himself. 

His only consolation and ally in this whole mess was Marinette. His darling angel. His sunshine incarnate. His own goddess (not like that bitch Lila let’s get one thing straight). 

When he was feeling overwhelmed (which was a lot), he spent it at her house. They spent it discussing fashion, trash talking Liar-la and the sheep class, playing video games, and making/eating the best baked goods in all of Paris. If he wasn’t at his photo shoots or at school, he was at her house. And with how often they spent time with each other, it wasn’t long before they accidentally revealed their alter egos to each other. 

(The class’ Everyday Ladybug was actually Ladybug. How amazing is that! Isn’t Marinette the absolute coolest?!) 

Since they outed themselves to each other, they had to give up their miraculous. And new heroes had to be chosen. As the guardian, Marinette decided to give the Ladybug miraculous to herself and the Cat one to Adrien. And make them the superheros of Paris. 

(Just when he thought that Marinette couldn’t get any cooler) 

They both collectively decided that being friends were for the best and put away their obsession crush over the other far far away. Now they were best friends-almost siblings. Oh who was he kidding? He was an honorary Dupain-Cheng. Marinette and her parents said so. And who was he to deny the goddess? 

All was well. 

Until he met this gorgeous boy with raven black hair and piercing green eyes that made him question everything in life. 

Like fuck. His life wasn’t hard enough already? 

.

It was a slow patrol. Just stopped a few petty crimes. No akuma tonight. He wasn’t really expecting much to happen.

Mari said patrolling regularly gives citizens a sense of security and it helps if one of them were on scene if an akuma does appear. 

He didn’t mind. He loved running on the rooftops and feeling the wind in his face. After some time, he stopped and stood on top of one of the tallest buildings. Just soaking the view. The peace and serenity of it all. Seeing the glowing lights of his beloved city. Seeing the Eiffel Tower standing tall and proud. 

(Forget school. Forget Liar-la and her hoard of bitches) 

This was his city. This was why he fights Hawk Moth with Ladybug. They had something precious to protect. 

He was done patrolling the regular routes and all his schoolwork was already finished. He could go to sleep but he didn’t feel that tired. And he really didn’t want to go back home. Mari shared her theory on his dad being Hawk Moth. She had really good reasons and a plethora of proof. If they could switch miraculous, why couldn’t he and Mayura - most likely Nathalie? Which would explain how Gabriel got akumatized.

After all her support with dealing with Lila, he was way more inclined to believe her even without the evidence. But those things just made him more wary of his dad. And he wasn’t too stoked on spending more time than what he can get away with with the guy. Because his dad being Hawk Moth explains why he wants Lila (his strongest supporter - Chameleon and Oni-chan, anyone?) close and makes Adrien play nice with her. And anyone who enables Lila’s bitchiness is on his enemy list. 

Anyway, he was out here to enjoy the good mood not think about evil bitches and evil dads. So he sat himself down and enjoyed the sights. It was more calming than you would think. 

He heard cars blaring and even a dog barking. The slight breeze felt nice. The moon was pretty bright tonight. The stars too. There was a lone couple walking through the park. There was also another teen in black running on rooftops a few buildings away. 

Wait. 

What? 

He blinked and looked again. Huh, there was another teen in black running on rooftops. And it was not a hallucination. 

What the actual fuck?

He was instantly on his feet, baton already in hand as he raced across the roof to reach said stranger. 

“Hey!” 

But because he was the lucky owner of the unlucky miraculous, the moment he said that, the guy was about to jump off a building to presumably roll onto the next one like Chat was watching him do beforehand. But his call made him lose focus and Chat watched horrified as the guy slipped and started falling into the alley. 

Oh fuck! Mari was going to fucking kill this dumbass kitty!

He hoped to everything that Mari thinks is holy that he makes it in time. Extending his baton, he used it as a huge Pogo stick to basically catapult himself towards the stranger and wrapped his arms around him as he braced himself for the full weight of hitting the gravel at this height and speed. But he wasn’t that that concerned. His suit protected him from the majority of the injuries that would’ve occurred if he wasn’t wearing it. It hurt but it isn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Remember earlier? He takes his victories as they come. 

This was not the smartest of ideas, he’ll admit. Mari had the brains to be honest. But it wasn’t bad if he say so. And he does say so. 

He rolled over and immediately looked over the stranger that was remarkably unharmed in this whole mess. 

And oh.

Oh.

The stranger was taller than he was with a lithe and lean frame. He had raven black hair that complimented his tanned skin and gorgeous green eyes that pierced through him, making his heart do funny things. 

He was not expecting him to look as hot as he did. He wore a simply black t-shirt and jeans but he looked like a fucking Adonis, what the fuck.  Even the moon shone down on him, highlighting his handsome features even more.  

He shook himself of those thoughts and focused on what was more important. “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” 

He was rudely pushed away, but he didn’t take offense. He did cause the guy to fall after all. 

“Do not touch me.” (What kind of accent is that?) “I’m fine. You are truly a moronic imbecile of the highest accord to yell like that. And what are you even supposed to be? Some kind of knock-off Catwoman?” 

At that, Chat looked at Hot-And-Sexy weird. “Are you new here? I’m the superhero Chat Noir. I protect Paris with Ladybug.”

“You’re joking.”

“I know I come off as the goofy hero because I make purr-fect puns all the time but I’m not joking about this.” 

He took out his phone to show the foreign (since he’s obviously not a Parisian) stranger the akuma attacks and Ladybug and Chat Noir being a dynamic duo, saving Paris and beating Hawk Moth. Ok, he showed the stranger a lot of stuff. Sue him. He gets to brag about his Princess. And himself too.

“I never heard about this before.” Hot-And-Sexy (he has got to come up with a better name) said afterward. “3 years this has been going on? Why didn’t you ask for help from the Justice League or other superheros?” 

Chat shrugged. “We tried. But they said we’re obviously pulling a prank and making this all up. So we stopped asking for help.”

For some reason this made Hot-And-Sexy angry. “They ignored your plea for help and left you to fight for yourselves?”

“Pretty much, yea.” 

“You and Ladybug are children.” 

“Excuse me? Are you doubting our ability to protect our city?" He was not apologetic at the sharp edge his voice took. Forget looking hot. How dare he? The audacity really. 

Hot-And-Sexy shook his head. “I’m not. I know some child superheroes who are adequate at their jobs and a few who are remarkable like Robin in Gotham. But the majority of them had adult mentors to guide them. From what you’ve shown me, you and Ladybug had no one. You were left alone to fend for yourself with essentially no help.” 

He never thought of it that way. But hearing it like that made him think: Fuck Adults Who Chose Children to Fight Their War For Them and Fuck Hawk Moth For Putting Them In This Position In The First Place. 

You know what. Just to clear all his bases - Fuck Everyone But The Dupain-Chengs. 

Chat couldn’t help but shrug, not quite knowing what to say to that. “Life is a bitch, I’ve come to find out. But enough of that. Why were you running on rooftops anyway?”

“It calms me down.”

Relatable. 

“Is...Is your tail moving?” 

“Huh?” He looked behind him to see his tail was indeed moving lazily. “Yeah. I’m called Chat Noir for a reason.”

“May I touch them?” Chat was used to people (usually kids) pulling on his tail to see if it was real (It was). And it really hurts because they usually rough. Not that he blames them. Kids don’t know any better. Still, he usually says no when people ask. 

But Hot-And-Sexy had such a sincere expression that he said yes. To his surprise and delight, Hot-And-Sexy was extremely gentle (Can this guy be anymore perfect?) and it felt nice to be petted like that. Curse his touch-starvation (again Fuck you Dad).

Hot-And-Sexy was apparently fascinated by his ears and tail. 

“Are you a meta?” He noticed how Hot-And-Sexy’s voice turned softer and fonder (or was he imagining that?).

“Nah. I’m fully human. I just got powers to transform into this.” He looked down at his phone seeing that the time was nearing 2 am.

“Have you suffered any injuries from your stupid stunt?” 

“Hmm?” Chat looked back at him before gesturing to his body. “Don’t worry. I may not look like it but I can take it.”

He can practically feel Hot-And-Sexy rolling his eyes. “What an utter dolt.” 

But there wasn’t any heat behind it so he didn’t take it to heart. 

“Thanks, babe.” 

“That was an insult.”

“And I’m taking it like a compliment.”

Chat stood up and stretched his limbs. Hot-And-Sexy doing the same but dusting off his clothes instead.

“So, uh, need any help getting home?”

“I am perfectly capable of finding my own way, thanks.” 

“Ok. Have a nice night.” He was about to leave when he was caught off guard by Hot-And-Sexy staring at him for a good few seconds, making his limbs freeze in place at the heavy attention.

Before he said. “You should try contacting the Batfamily in Gotham about Hawk Moth. They’re used to dealing with weird things. I’m sure they won’t turn you or Ladybug away.” 

Chat was a bit distracted by how intensely those green eyes focused on him, making his heart beat faster and his cheeks turn a vibrant red. 

He was so screwed. 

He used his baton to shoot himself up so he can run on rooftops, hurrying to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. 

.

“Mari! I think I’m gay!”

“It’s 2 in the morning, Chaton. Go to sleep and we’ll talk about it in the morning.” 

.

After a good night’s rest (and thank everything that was right in the world that today was a weekend), Adrien told Mari all about Hot-And-Sexy. And yes, he did call the stranger that out loud. His everything-that-actually-matters sister simply took it in stride after giggling a bit. They spent the majority of the day discussing emotions and everything that came with that bundle. 

Before he finally came to a conclusion. 

He is definitely gay (He liked girls but not like like them). And most definitely had a crush on Hot-And-Sexy with the pretty green eyes. 

Good news: He is no longer having a sexuality crisis. 

Bad news: He is going through an emotional crisis. 

Like dealing with these feelings that is making his stomach flip flop over and over again? The only one he ever had to deal with was the one he had on Ladybug and that (he talked with Mari about it months before. She was amazing with these emotional matters) was more of a hero-worship crush than anything really romantic. 

And his crush on Hot-And-Sexy was so much more. 

.

So it’s been about 2 weeks since he encountered Hot-And-Sexy. And he still haven’t figured out what else to call him. But the nickname was growing on him. 

(He also told Mari about asking the Batfam for help but she was a bit apprehensive after the disastrous attempts of convincing the Justice League. He shrugged, trusting her opinion and left it at that) 

Anyway, Lila was being her usual bitchy self. Father was being non-existent like always. Mari was his only source of sanity at school. And Hawk Moth was being a bitch. 

Because of course, the day before they have a huge test, he decides to akumatize someone (in this case, a businessman who was really unhappy with getting fired) and cut in on study time. And this akuma took a while to defeat. Guess he drew a lot of strength from his burning hatred of the failings of the corporate world. 

And just yesterday, a teenager who was upset at being grounded got akumatized and terrorized the city for 3 hours before Ladybug could purify her. It did however confirmed her fears. Hawk Moth was getting stronger. It took longer to defeat his monsters. They needed to find him and ended this fast. 

Adrien landed on Mari’s balcony and slipped in her room, crashing on her big comfy bed, de-transforming on the spot. Plagg sleepily floating and laying next to him on the pillow. He was so tired. And photo shoots and school drama were not helping things.

.

For the record, he was not at all expecting to see Hot-And-Sexy in a bookstore of all places. 

He was so engrossed in looking through the latest Boku no Hero Academia manga (can’t wait until Season 5 comes out) that when someone touched his shoulder, he was not proud to admit he squeaked a bit.

He turned around and his eyes widened his surprise. 

“Hot-And-Sexy!” 

It was indeed the Adonis Adrien had a huge crush on. Today he was wearing a white t-shirt paired with a blue denim jacket and black ripped jeans. Wow. He really can make anything look hot.

No. Bad Adrien. Don’t let him know you actually have a crush on him.

And oh fuck. Hot-And-Sexy was staring at the blonde and Adrien tried not to let himself get flustered. He has a very intense stare. For all he knew, Hot-And-Sexy stares at everyone like that.

Calm the fuck down, heart. You too brain.

He raised a handsome eyebrow in amusement. “Excuse me?”

Adrien felt himself burn with embarrassment, his face turning bright scarlet. No wonder he was fit for the unlucky miraculous or was this just a side-effect? Note to self, ask Mari about this later. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t get your name last time. And I just started calling you that in my head. Cause you’re really hot and you have pretty eyes.”

Fuck mouth! Why won’t you stop talking! Please for the love of everything that makes Mari a BAMF stop. Stop digging further into the hole of embarrassment! Abort mission! Abort!

“When did we meet?”

At that, he blink a few times. Oh fuck. He was not Superhero Chat Noir. He was Civilian Adrien Agreste. Mari was definitely murdering his dumbass tonight. Lightning please strike him down right now. Where was an unlucky lightning strike when you need it?

After a few seconds of his horrified silence, Hot-And-Sexy chuckled (he had such a nice laugh). “You are extremely lucky I already figured out your alter ego beforehand, Chaton.”

Before Adrien could even unwrap that statement, he held out a hand and had a dangerously sexy smirk on his face. “My name is Damian Wayne. Would you care to get a cup of coffee with me?”

And Adrien nodded his head, not trusting himself to speak. He can deal with the superhero thing later when he can think straight (hah!) and is not distracted by Damian’s beautiful smile and alluring green eyes and perfect everything.

.

Guess what?

Ya Boi got game.

(At least, he likes to think he does)

After a successful coffee date (was it a date? Please let it be a date), they exchanged numbers (cue internal squealing) and met up a few times afterward to hang out.

Apparently, Dami was here on business to deal with something for Wayne Enterprises.

“Aren’t you 17?”

“Father believes in preparing us when we’re young.”

Dami was amazingly sweet. Arrogant and pretentious with a stick up his ass but sweet. He treats stray animals with such reverence that Adrien’s heart melt every time he sees it.

It was an added bonus when Damian scorned Lila with cruel words and disgusted looks when she tried to cut in Adrien and Dami’s date(?)/meetup(?)/spending-time-together event.

She cried and whined afterwards and Adrien has to endure his father’s lecture. But it was totally worth it.

Oh yeah. Mari was not pleased that he accidentally outed himself to a civilian. But nothing that a couple of sad kitty eyes can’t fix.

“You are so lucky you’re cute, kitty-cat.” Mari grumbled but she was smiling. “I just need to have a good talk with him on the importance of secrecy.”

.

That day Damian Wayne learned to fear a certain Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

.

It was 2 weeks later when Adrien woke up to a package next to his futon in Mari’s room. When he opened it, he saw the Butterfly and Peacock miraculous inside.

There was a card beneath it. And in beautiful cursive script read: 

I dearly hope you enjoy my courting gift, mon amour. Allow me the honor to formally ask you out on a date. I look forward to hearing favorably from you soon.

- Damian Wayne

He couldn’t believe it.

“Mari! Damian likes me back!”

“Chaton, I swear. It is 2 in the morning.”

Next

#ml x dc #ml salt #ml salt fic #lila rossi salt #marinette deserves better #but so does adrien #adrien deserves better #adrien agreste #sexuality crisis #gaydrien #adrien agreste x damian wayne #adridami #oneshot #how the fuck did this crack idea span 3K words #apparently I'm down with this ship

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

How would the gang react to Travis being body shamed because I feel he would probably be under weight because of his father and the abuse he was put through

Travis being underweight or overweight depending on the breakthroughs in his therapy and the trust he’s built with the gang. Underweight when they’re close but still prying into his heart and mind. One of the more sensible and accepting times. Overweight/underweight when he’s fluctuating in EDs due to stress and coping. He’s much more emotional and the outburst is 50/50 death by Travis/death by gang.

They would literally have to hold back Philip tbh.

Like Larry would pissed. FUMING EVEN but holy shit, Philip would straight up almost murder whoever said anything about it.

It would probably be some snide remark in passing while Travis is happily looking at food to order with the gang. Someone noticing he’s either a little chonkier now or still underweight and giggling about it with their friends. The gang almost ignores it until they see Travis deflate and look at the healthier menu items and Philip grabs the fucking butter knife from the table and almost leaps over at the bastards that opened their mouth.

Larry, with the speed of a god and Philips anger management buddy, grabs the belt loop of the back of his pants in the nick of time to stop him from committing murder. Travis panics and hurries over to try and get Philip back to the table while the assholes that spoke are pissing themselves. Not too far behind Larry is Sal with a spoon and a gleaming red light in his electric blue eyes.

Philip 100% got in fights about it at school. Probably one of the main reasons he and Larry fought. Larry wouldn’t know and would just think Travis is following some fad diet to be the goody two shoes for his daddy and Philip would throw a table at him. The brute strength Philip has when enraged is jaw dropping. Travis is used to it honestly. He gets it from home and he isn’t surprised when the people he antagonizes try to antagonize him the same way.

I like the idea that Travis is actually very docile and mild mannered but puts on this act so his dad doesn’t hurt him for people who speak to him. Like if he could be in a better environment he wouldn’t even talk to anyone other than Philip. Hide in sweaters and not be perceived at all. (Highly doubted because my Travis is a cute baby and deserves to be coddled and therapy)

Sal doesn’t talk about Travis’ physical attributes. He just stares which unnerves Philip but when you have a pretty bestie with an attitude you come to accept the stares of the sheep that flock him! When they finally bond though, Sal explains he was staring to make sure Travis wasn’t showing signs of an eating disorder and picked up on the most common two.

Chug would be another like outwardly aggressive person in the gang when someone talks about Travis’ weight. After they talked out the past and Travis profusely apologized he took quite the liking to Travis. He is also one of the reasons Travis gained some weight, lmao. So seeing he’s friend get the same treatment he had, knowing the initial upset and hurt, angers him. Let’s be honest. With his size Chug is pretty intimidating. If he exercises and does weight training he would be a sleeping giant of the gang.

Ash doesn’t give a single fuck. You body shame she body shames back. God knows she holds in her anger around Travis since he shuts down easily. the moment someone pisses her off by shooting for his insecurities after they worked tirelessly to get him to open up? Pray she throws a punch. If she even sniffs out your weakness she will bully you.

Let alone if a kid tries to be funny. Only three people in the gang are nice to random children. Sal, maple and Neil. Chug tolérâtes the lil bastards but they aren’t his so he don’t care. Larry would punt a kid and laugh. Ash would bully them. Point blank just drag them, pray they don’t have social media up and she sees something they shouldn’t be on. The menacing ass grin on her face.

To be fair though. That’s if Travis doesn’t laugh in their face and ask what a bitchless loser is doing in his business. He’s still mean and bitter. Don’t test him post therapy. Get him on a day of breakthrough and he might cry. Get him on a day if acknowledgement and him bullying you is the least of your problems. Him and Philip have an instant murder button.

#sally face #travis phelps #sally face au #larry johnson #sal fisher #larry x travis #larvis #laravis #salvis #sal x travis #sally face headcanons #sally face hcs #IM SORRY I WAS GONE MY BABIES #WORK HAS BEEN A BITCH

[grimmradiance]

Close to Me: How the Hollow Knight's Fighting Style Reflects Their Trauma (and the Radiance's as well)

So I've been trying to actually beat the Radiance, which means I've been fighting the Hollow Knight. A lot, as a matter of fact, since I'm beans at this game sometimes. I've also been thinking about @lost-kinn's meta about how fighting styles are how Vessels, especially the Little Knight, communicate.

In trying to apply this to the Hollow Knight, I've been coming to some very interesting conclusions, especially taken in context of...Everything Else in the lore, and Everything Else implicated in this by the psychology of it.

There's a lot to cover here, and it tracks through a LOT of different places, including trauma psychology, the relationship between chronic stress and lifespan health, and shape symbolism. Two warnings first:

One: this essay is gonna get heavy. It includes fine-grained discussion of the Hollow Knight's trauma, including discussions of the real-life machanics of psychological abuse, as well as the Extremely Concerning Implications of them harming themself during their boss fight. please read with caution and when you're in a safe emotional place to do so.

Two: This post is not a place for justifying the Pale King. If you read this essay in its entirety and still want to do that, please make your own post; my relationship to the Hollow Knight themself is deeply rooted in my own experiences, so in the context of this discussion I can't promise I won't take it personally.

With that out of the way, let's talk trauma and fighting styles:

We know that the Hollow Knight is trained to be a paragon of fighting skill, through the Pure Vessel fight, and this gives us a fantastic way to compare what they were like before they were made Government Assigned Radiance Jail, and after. Or, in other words, we're given the perfect opportunity to see what the Radiance is doing (i.e. context effects), and what Hollow is (i.e. what we can conclude is reliably consistent as a part of them). Listed here, for reference:

Hollow's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Radiant Shade Soul, which launches a volley of Infection blobs in arcs

A Radiant Desolate Dive, which produces pillars of entwined Void and Light at random intervals

The Infection bursting out of them in random arcs, covering a significant amount of the aerial space of the arena

The Radiance ragdolling their body around trying to hit the Knight

Contact damage from them stabbing themself and falling over atop you

The Pure Vessel's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Pure Shade Soul, which launches a volley of nails in straight lines

A Pure Desolate Dive, which produces nails at specific intervals

A Pure Focus, which causes circular explosions across most of the aerial space in the arena

Lashing out with a Void Arm (word choice intentional)

I've highlighted attacks from each battle that are different, since those are our points of interest here. In addition, both the Pure Vessel and Hollow are exceedingly fond of teleport-spamming in a way that is usually reserved for a specific group of bosses.

Another very important distinction between these two fights: the Pure Vessel doesn't scream. Well, they certainly try to, but no sound comes out. No voice to cry suffering, after all. All of these points have a lot to go into, so let's address them one at a time.

All That Remains: Theoretical Background On The Significance Of Constants

Making comparisons across time is important specifically because humans (and human-like bugs) change. Most personality traits aren't set in stone--they exist as an interaction of someone's internal tendencies, their experiences, and their environment. Speaking of those last two points, not all experiences and environments are created equally. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs for short) are known to have lifelong implications for a child's health, both physically and mentally. These are events that are so stressful or stressful for so long that they exceed a child's ability to cope and become toxic stress (yes, that's the term in the literature, because it actively damages your organs). They compound, as well--the stress of one ACE makes it harder for a child to cope with another, especially if they overlap.

Some examples of ACEs? Being exposed to physical danger or the threat of physical danger, deprivation of normal social relationships with peers of a similar age, being forcibly seperated from family members, witnessing a loved one being hurt or killed, chronic illness in oneself or a family member, neglect of a child's emotional needs....

Poor fucking Holly. It's a miracle they didn't disintegrate under the pressure. The only other option is that they bent and adapted under that much stress--in other words, most of their personality has been forcibly reshaped by what they've gone through. Anyone who has up-close experience with parentification or complex child abuse already knows: this was by design. I'm not saying the intent was to traumatize the Pure Vessel past several points of no return, but the intent definitely was to reshape their personality for the purpose of being The Vessel. We only see them (the Pure Vessel) in battle after this process is mostly or entirely complete, but we do see them a few times beforehand. I'd like to draw attention to the Path of Pain cutscene right now.

I've seen people talking about the look the Vessel and the King share as a sign that TPK really does love his child. That might be true, but it's definitely not relevant when it comes to how abuse works. This is, in fact, exactly how the cycle of abuse uses affection as a tool. Long periods of abuse or neglect, smoothed over by small periods of affection that placate the survivor? That's textbook love bombing, the kind that forms stubborn trauma bonds and facilitates unhealthy dependency. Forgive me for not giving the Higher Being of knowledge and prescience the benefit of the doubt on that one. (/s)

Team Cherry knows about the importance of parallels and dissonance. There's a reason the music in the second phase of the Hollow Knight fight plays in the Path of Pain. There's a reason it cuts out the moment the battle with the Kingsmoulds is over, instead of at the room transition. There's a reason it doesn't cut out in the Black Egg. Actually, there's two potential reasons, which could also coexist: either little Hollow trusts the Pale King to keep them safe, even after the borderline torture that they were just subjected to, or big Hollow is so hypervigilant that they're in full functioning-through-trauma mode even while they're at death's door.

If you don't see how much the Pale King scarred his child at this point, I'm not sure we were playing the same game.

Walking the Straight Line: How the Pale King's Teachings Show In the Pure Vessel

The Pale King loves order and control. Everything about the White Palace and every decision we see him make implies this. Everything is spotless white walls and well-maintained gardens; the only signs of disorder are hidden away, either in his workshop or in The Pit™. This also reflects in the Pure Vessel's title--pure as in holy, but also pure as in without flaw. Considering the Nailsmith's emotional state after completing the Pure Nail, TPK's fate with his Perfect Controlled Kingdom, and the Godmaster ending as a whole, attaining perfection is not a good thing in any sense.

We know the Hollow Knight isn't perfect--that's the whole catalyst for the plot. But considering their upbringing and their fighting style as the Pure Vessel, their imperfections absolutely kill them emotionally. I'll spare the lecture on how perfectionism affects neurodivergent kids even more severely than neurotypical kids, if only to keep this post to a reasonable length (look up "twice-exceptional children" if you'd like to know the theory I'm glossing over in more depth). But, in essence, the deck is doubly stacked against them--they have a higher goal to reach, and far more obsctacles in their path, including their own emotional scars.

I've already discussed how Hollow isn't meant for this kind of stress in a physical sense in other posts. They're not prepared for it emotionally, either--the Pale King wants perfection, and they can't even stand up straight (every spoonie in the audience already knows how exhausting people's obsession with Standing Up Straight is). There's another page on their stack of emotional baggage, even BEFORE you consider that the Pure Vessel knows their perfection is what bought them a ticket out of the Abyss.

Bringing Teleportation To A Sword Fight: Where The Pure Vessel Reveals Their Fears

How else are they going to cope with that need for perfection, that need to prove themselves worthy of the reason their life was spared, by being flawless in any way they can? Being a mechanical, flawless fighter puts so much pressure on them, both literally (repetitive strain injuries fucking HURT) and figuratively--if you're predictable, the only sure way to win is to mop the floor with your opponents before they figure you out. Hell, that's the way most people play their first run of Hollow Knight, by throwing themselves at the bosses over and over until they figure out the patterns. That strategy is inherently going to fail against an opponent that's, say, an immortal higher being.

There's no way that the Vessel didn't figure this out, and yet none of their TPV specific attacks are positioned randomly--the nails are always evenly spaced, and the Focus explosions are always in a specific height region of the screen. That's clinging to survival strategies even when they become maladaptive in its purest form.

Another dip into psychological theory: let's talk about disorganized attachment. Attachment styles describe how someone's relationships to their main caregiver(s) influence their understanding on relationships in general. Disorganized attachment is a result of an upbringing of inherently unstable parent-child relationships, where there's no way of a child predicting whether an adult is going to be delighted to see them, ambivalent, upset, or otherwise. If my parent woke up some days saying "all right my child, time for the Infinite Buzzsaws Obstacle Course," I'd be the same way. In adulthood this manifests as an inability to form a stable sense of self-concept as well as concepts of others. Mission accomplished, TPK, there's no will to break if you broke it yourself.

This is where the fighting styles as communication comes in--Hollow needs to keep Ghost at a distance to fight, but also wants to be closer to their sibling (the only being who has a chance of understanding what they've been through), BUT also has a trauma-rooted fear of attaching to people, as their experiences with attachment are inherently unpredictable and dangerous. Hence, both the teleportation that doesn't seem to match their fighting style any more reliably than "aim at the thing attacking you" and the second attack unique to the Pure Vessel--they're quite literally lashing out in pain to push people away. There's a reason that attack is so reminiscent of the Thorns of Agony.

Of note is that Holly does seem to teleport like the bugs of the Soul Sanctum do (favoring the edges of a screen, rather than going wherever like Dream Warriors do), which makes sense--they're the most obvious answer to the question "how did they learn how to teleport, anyways?" However, Sanctum bugs have abilities designed to capitalize on this, like homing spells and slashes from above. I can only assume this means that someone saw Holly's proficiency with the nail and assumed it translated to other forms of combat, and didn't feel the need to give them at least a bit of a primer on how to make the best use of it. There's another tally for the Hollow Knight as an autism metaphor.

Trauma Bonds: How the Radiance Speaks Through Hollow

Now, we're back to the Black Egg, and two people stuck in the same sinking ship. The thing that makes this hurt so badly is that Holly and the Radiance are at complete cross purposes here, and yet they both want the same thing:

They both want out, no matter the cost. For the Radiance, this means forsaking the pacifistic nature of the moths and nuking Ghost personally.

For Hollow, this means forsaking the way they were raised and everything that was bludgeoned into their personality: the only way out is to fail, give up control, and trust that Ghost will do what needs to be done.

Imagine how much pain they're in to actually go for it. Going against a literal lifetime of conditioning is something that takes the average person years to even consider, let alone go through with. It's a form of learned helplessness--if you try to break free and fall, again and again, it actively discourages further attempts. Breaking through learned helplessness is an interesting process, because it generally involves re-establishing a sense of control by recalling previous events where the person was able to change their situation.

Which, as far as we know of, are nothing but traumatic memories for Hollow. It's very unlikely that they'd break through it on their own, but we know they have by the time we see the second phase of their fight. This is them at their most desperate: the same music as the Path of Pain, the way they let, or can't stop, the Radiance throw their body around, the way they actively try to let the Radiance out by stabbing themself.

You'd think that giving up and learned helplessness are inherently compatible, but when giving up both goes against your core personality, and involves your active participation, they're in direct opposition. So either Holly was able to process all their trauma by themself (which I doubt, judging by how much effort the player has to go through to even see Ghost's and Hollow's traumatic memories), or someone gave them a nudge or three in that direction.

Considering that there's been someone living in Holly's head who has a vested interest in them Not Doing Their Duty, I think we know who. And the thing is, I think we watch Hollow have this breakthrough during their battle. Imagine for the first time in decades, at least, you can move. You're in pain from being in the same position, probably hallucinating from sensory deprivation, with an infection sucking at what strength your body has left. And there's this little creature who looks ready to fight you, who seems to have let you go for that exact purpose.

And you look down, and both you and the Radiance recognize them from a place rooted deeper than consciousness, in the murky depths of trauma. You see the other Vessel who just as easily could have been you, and who looks so much stronger for not being you, for being an imperfect, willful creature. And the Radiance sees history threatening to repeat itself, another one of the Wyrm's cursed children seeking to lock her away once more.

What else do you do when you're triggered? You scream, and you go on instinct, and you retreat into your head. Those first blows, with the epic music? That's the Vessel the Pale King forged, the fighting machine that will endure unimaginable stress because it knows no other way. What snaps you back out of dissociation? Usually, either the passage of the triggering stimulus, or an even more relevant stimulus (severe pain from getting beaten up by a nail, for example).

The tragedy is this: we know this isn't a triumph. I think most of us went into that fight the first time, knowing we'd be putting the Hollow Knight out of their misery. The music turns tragic, Hollow screams, and then we see the Radiance and Hollow themself break through: the Radiance trying to fight Ghost directly with the resources she has, and Hollow trying to help her along.

For what it's worth, Hollow even had the right idea, when it came to letting themself rest while helping Ghost stop the madness their father started--they were just digging for the Radiance in the wrong place. The dynamic between the Radiance and the Hollow Knight is something I could write on for pages and pages, but this has gone on for long enough. Tune in next time, where I'll presumably talk about this same topic but in reverse with regards to the Radiance.

#hollow knight #hk #the pure vessel #the pale king #the radiance #my meta #the higher being speaks #i hate fact-checking my abuse infodumps because the ableism against personality disorders is EVERYWHERE #but here this monster of an essay is #anyways the hollow knight as a character sniped my trauma on sight #so i may be a tiny bit biased here But Also I'm Right #abuse // #child abuse // #emotional abuse // #i legit do not know what tags to throw on this #also the overarching title is a reference to the song of the same name from just shapes and beats because. yeah

[tooruluv]

Tobio Kageyama x F!Reader ( part 9 )

❝ goodbyes hurt when the story is not finished, but the book is closed. tell me, have we started a new one? ❞

description: it had been years since you and kageyama broke up. it had been years since the two of you left each other, hatred brewing. fate works in funny ways, you thought, as you caught his eye across the café. love works in funny ways, you thought, as you woke up in his bed the next morning, his fiance calling his phone.

genre: forbidden love, cheating, ex lovers, (all characters are aged up)

word count: 2,109

warnings/notes: im so sorry for the delayed update!! midterms have been kicking my ass. anyway. only one part left!

tag list: @kara-grayson04​ @sadhwstudent​ @unlikelytigerqueen​ @kageyamavibes​ @monviemoo​ @tazzi-baby​ @1800xibal​ @amirahroronoa​ @lozzybowe​ @stinkybitch1919​​ @sillykittt​​ @pinknugget​​ @celamoon​​ @bokutosworld​​ @elianetsantana​​ @chao01248​​ @vhskenma​​ @yoitsseulgi​​ @milegonzalez96​​ @doremifa-so-fucking-done​​ @cuddlejeongin​​ @yeahhemmings-​ @melanieacademy​ @killuaking​ @animewhore28​

prev | next [final]

The second that the words left Oikawa’s mouth, he was paralyzed. He hadn’t expected to say it. His eyes were wide, skin flushed and mouth agape. Surprise and regret immediately masked his anger.

He couldn’t even move as you turned and left.

Let’s paint the picture, shall we? You, a girl who still had an incredible amount of love for your ex boyfriend to the extent that you were comfortable being the mistress in his affair. Kageyama, said ex boyfriend who still had a lot of unresolved feelings for you to the point where he had considered (on more than one account) disregarding his entire upcoming wedding. And Oikawa, your best friend and fuck buddy for the past five plus years who had just accidentally revealed that he was, in fact, in love with you.

Let’s just say that you walked a lot that day.

You walked through the city until the sky turned dark. You walked along the neon lights, through the park, and back into the city streets. You walked near the water, you walked past hundreds of people. It was incredibly melodramatic.

It wasn’t until you realized that you were actually tired, and your feet hurt, that you sat on a bench. It was pretty secluded. The bench sat facing the water, the city behind it, and you did nothing but sit.

A body sat beside yours, on the complete opposite side of the bench with as much space as possible between you. You almost giggled to yourself, despite everything.

“Hey.” The person spoke, and you knew who it was. There was only one person on the face of the earth that would take it upon themselves to be that respectful to sit on the opposite side of the bench you were sitting alone at, at night.

“Hey, Hinata.” You looked up at him. He’d grown a lot since high school.

“You found my bench.”

“Your bench?”

He chuckled, making you smile. “No, not my bench. But the bench I like to sit at when I have a lot to think about.”

“So, you would sit and think about volleyball on this bench?”

“Yeah.” He smiled brightly. There’s something about Shoyo Hinata that made it impossible not to smile. “It’s really pretty here. And there’s a lot of good food behind us.”

You turned back to the water, eyes scanning for answers.

“I’m still in love with Kageyama.” You told him.

“I know.”

“And Oikawa just told me that he was in love with me.”

“Wait, really? Finally!” He stopped himself. “I mean. I knew that, too.”

“Does everyone tell you everything?”

“Yeah, usually.” He moved a little bit closer, but not by much. “If you think you know someone’s secrets, I’m sure I already know about it.”

“Even Tsuki?”

“You mean how Hana cheated on him with Kageyama and now you are going to the wedding with him, him being Tsuki, to make them both jealous?”

“Damn. You’re insane.”

“Nah, I’m just a short stack of secrets.”

Another bubble of laughter. 

“You don’t plan to ruin the wedding, do you?” Hinata asked. 

You shook your head. “No, no. We aren’t monsters. We just want to make the two of them shake in their boots a bit. There’s way too much money being spent for us to ruin the wedding. Besides, I would somehow end up being the one sending out apology letters to family and friends for coming.”

“Yeah that would be embarrassing.”

The wedding was the next day.

You didn’t go to the rehearsal, and even took it upon yourself to stay the night at Tsukishima’s.

When you arrived at his door with a bag (that you quickly snatched of necessities from Kageyama and Hana’s), Tsuki just opened the door and simply asked you to join him in watching a murder mystery podcast. You accepted.

“Why can’t I wear a fucking suit?” You complained as you shoved yourself into the nicest dress you owned. It was beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and hugged you in exactly the right places. You just hated the process of getting ready.

“Because you look great in that dress. Now hurry up because we don’t want to be the only ones late.”

You left Tsuki’s bathroom in full glam.

You watched Tsuki’s eyes shift from your chest to your eyes. You smirked. “I guess the dress works.”

“It definitely works.” Tsuki rolled his eyes, bringing his arm up for you. You linked your arm through.

“You guys have fun!!” Yamaguchi called from the living room. You waved as you walked by. “Holy shit, you guys look likes gods.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss.” You said.

“You’ve obviously never talked to him.” Tsuki scoffed. “We’ll be back later. Or, at least, I will be.”

“Don’t die. And don’t kill anyone!”

“No promises.”

Tobio Kageyama always thought that on his wedding day, you would be the one walking down the aisle in white.

He would never admit it; but to be completely honest, he had thought about it a lot during the duration of your relationship. He had imagined standing at the end of the aisle and you walking down, and kissing you as man and wife. It was a stupid imagination for a high school relationship, but he did imagine it.

He watched as you walked into the building by yourself. He was greeting everyone, welcoming them before the wedding and telling the women where to find Hana in her dressing room.

You were absolutely stunning in the most brilliant red dress he had ever seen. The wedding was white and blue, and you stood out in the most amazing way he had ever witnessed.

Kageyama couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you turn to the door, where Tsukishima just entered. His stomach churns when he sees you greet him with a hug and the two of you laugh at something Tsukishima said. And he hates how evidently the man is your date.

He has to physically stop himself from chasing after you when you pull Tsuki by the hand and drag him through the sea of bodies to where a few members of the old volleyball team are (ie Hinata, Daichi, Suga, and Noya).

His heart leaps violently against the bones of his chest when a thought floods into his mind. The thought that you were with Tsukishima, the thought that you knew of everything that happened since you’ve been gone.

He felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

You kept yourself at Tsuki’s side the entire time.

There was a little get together before the actual wedding. Everyone just stood around and chatted with everyone that they only get to see once a year, greeting the groom and making him more nervous. After a bit, it would be time to sit down and watch the ceremony.

The thought made you want to eat dirt.

Tsuki put his hand on your waist and you looked up at him. The two of you were still in the middle of talking to the old volleyball boys, Hinata talking about his travels.

“He can’t take his eyes off of you.” Tsuki muttered into your hair. It wasn’t unnoticed by Daichi and Suga, who just exchanged a look (as they always seemed to be all knowing).

“Just wait until Hana gets her eyes on you.” You lean into his side. “She won’t make it down the aisle.”

He chuckled and placed a kiss on your temple, feeling the eyes of Kageyama on your back.

“The man of the hour.” Daichi spoke up.

Kageyama appeared beside you. Tsuki’s hand stayed on your waist.

“How are you feeling?” Suga asked, eyes shifting between you and him. You could swear he knew more than you could ever imagine.

“Good, good.” Kageyama plastered a fake smile on his face. “Just nervous.”

“Well that’s normal.”

“Can I borrow her for a second?” Kageyama turned to Tsukishima. You blinked. “I just have to talk to her for a second.”

“Yeah.” Tsuki let go of your waist. He sent you a look, basically telling you to fuck the shit outta him in the broom closet.

“I’ll be right back!” you sent them a smile.

Kageyama looked absolutely delicious in his suit. Black, with a little bit of blue accents throughout. It brought out his eyes. You couldn’t focus as you followed him to an empty room.

“Hey.”

“If you have something you have to say, you could’ve said it out there.”

“No I.” I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I should just leave with you right now and run away and get married and live in a forest. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Instead, “What are you doing here with Tsukishima?”

“What do you mean? He’s my date.” You shrugged.

“Yes. But why?”

“You expected me to come to your wedding by myself?” You blinked. “Or, rather, you expected Tsuki to come by his lonesome?”

“No, I…”

“That’s a bit selfish, don’t you think Kags?” You felt anger rising in your chest. “To think that I can’t have a date to a wedding when you’re literally getting married.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” You were exasperated. “It’s incredibly clear how you think of me, Kageyama. But as for someone who will never be loved by anyone, it’s nice to go to a wedding with…”

“You’re loved by me!”

It was the first time in Kageyama’s life where he truly understood what earth-shattering silence was. It was deafening and loud; too loud. He stood there motionless as the howling of his blood pumping in his head, his heartbeat inside his chest. You were silent.

His world seemed to have stopped the second he had said those words to you. The moment those words left his lips, he wished to take them back. Not because they were lies, but because it was the first time he had said them in the most honest way possible.

You shook your head.

You shook your head and Kageyama’s world shattered. He knew that he had hurt you, over and over and time and time again. But he had done it. He had hurt you to the point that you would simply shake your head at the confession of his love.

Whatever was left of whatever the hell was still there was gone.

“Kags,” You closed your eyes. “You don’t. I’m not.”

“I do.” He reached for your hand. You backed away.

“Me and Tsuki coming to your wedding together was not to get you to tell me that you love me.” You were muttering. You were babbling. You couldn’t do this. “It was to get you jealous, yes, but.. not this. Maybe rile you up. Get Hana to admit her bullshit for sure. But not… not this.”

“I…”

“You are getting married today.” You reminded him. “To Hana. You’re getting married to her. Today. And I cannot do another confession like that.”

“Who else has confessed to you?”

“Oikawa.” You said before you could think.

“Tooru Oikawa told you that he was in love with you?” Kageyama laughed as though it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. You basically heard your heart break.

“See? That right there?” You headed for the door. “That’s why you can’t possibly be in love with me. You’re so fucking convinced that I can’t be loved by anyone because I fucking moved away in high school. Jesus, Kageyama, get over it!”

“Sorry, sorry.” He was literally wiping tears from his face. “It’s just. I knew it. I fucking knew it.” He stopped when he seen your face. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Seriously fuck you.” You moved to open the door to go back to your date and get ready for the ceremony. Because this was for Tsuki, not you.

You started to walk out, but turned to him with a glance over your shoulder. “By the way, I’ve been in love with you for years. This shouldn’t be new information.”

You didn’t stay to gauge his reaction.

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