#let's see if i continue my trend of giffing something once and never again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blastoisemonster · 3 years

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Pokèmon World Magazine: Porygon Net (Various Issues)

We’ve had a very long streak of Photoset posts lately, didn’t we? Let’s have a little break from anime and tie-in games and let’s go back to oldschool Pokèmon and my favourite childhood magazine, Pokèmon World!

This summer I'm working on my own portfolio site: it's getting built from scratch and, due to the kind of art it's going to showcase, I'm designing its layout to look like one of those old personal pages a lot of Internet users used to have back in the first 2000s. This choice was also influenced by one of my childhood dreams, which was, infact, owning a corner of the Net all for myself; without the right equipment or spare money to purchase a domain, though, the idea of having my page online was only hypotetical, so all I could do was designing some cute layouts on Microsoft Frontpage and admiring what others were doing. Of course, as Pokèmon was my main interest at the time, I found the Porygon Net section of Pokèmon World mag to be extra inspirational.

Porygon Net was a very small section with just a double page: every month, the magazine's staff would choose and review an italian site dedicated to everyone's favourite monsters. These online corners were, most of the times, built by fellow readers and fans who sometimes even wrote back either by mailing the staff or boasting about it on their site's news section, thanking for the feature and the subsequent wave of new visitors. As these places were built by teens or even kids (I may have seen some online pages managed by 10 year olds at the time o.o), their quality varied greatly depending on their web-making skills: some were very simplistic, other more orderly and neat, and some... showed potential, but needed more work. Pokèmon World's staff, though, never mocked these attempts, and instead also published suggestions to make certain parts of the site more functional and pleasing to the eye. I found this very encouraging, and I wonder if many of these people have continued with a career in the online world.

I went and browsed among my mag issues to find some sites to showcase: I mostly picked the ones that stuck in my mind since reading about them, or that I actually used to visit back in the day. Wayback Machine may have not been kind to the italian community, and I fear the majority of these sites are now lost; however, I'll post links if, surprisingly, I find them still alive!

Issue 4: Pokemon Mania

The pictures have been displayed in chronological order, but I still would've chosen to display this site first as I used to actually visit it before it was featured on Pokèmon World. Due to its easy and straightforward name, Pokèmon Mania was one of the first fansites to show up on the search engine if you ever looked for more Pokèmon content. It was managed by a guy with the alias of Professor Kao, and the whole feeling of the site was that of a Pokemon lab at the start of your monster journey. Though it wasn't exactly a marvel in terms of layout esthetic, the site aimed to amaze with content: it had simple browser fangames, a section dedicated to drawing tutorials (with pictures taken from japanese sources- which at the time were very scarce and hard to get!), many sections dedicated to the Cardgame (apparently, the main focus of Kao's Pokèmon interests) and its live tournaments, and one centered on the monsters' trivia. One very interactive section even proposed quizzes given by the webmaster himself that visitors could answer via mail: Kao would then contact winners and even send out special official merch like Pokèmon Center plushies or other branded toys. Generous! This site has been preserved in the Wayback Machine with a lot of snapshots, though unfortunately without many graphics. We can still navigate and read most of the sections!

Issue 20: Pokemon Museum

My second site of choice striked me with its very homely layout: even looking at the snapshot in its article feels like I'm viewing a cozy corner of the Net, in which the webmaster poured its personal thoughts and passions more than providing a service like PokèmonMania did. The issue is number 20 and quite some months have passed: online trends regarding these kind of pages had changed a bit and now people preferred to offer their own content instead of copy-pasting what Nintendo produced. Pokèmon Museum's graphics have all been drawn by the owner, Kabutops: the background texture, banner, and a lot of the graphics all around the sections! Kudos for being to prolific and precise during a period in which digital art still hadn't reached its peak popularity, and drawing tablets were only restricted to professionals. Going past the many sections dedicated to the anime, games and lore, one interesting aspect was the beginning of affiliates: fellow webmasters were starting communicating with eachother and sharing their visits by dedicating a little button to other sites. I loved the affiliates section because, once finished looking through a site, I could click on the cute little rectangle banners and find myself in another home without passing from Google searches! But webmasters wouldn't affiliate with everyone, and for the purpose of only interacting with other best Pokèsites, awards had become popular as well: graphics that people would exchange after rating a site and feeling impressed with their content, presentation, or popularity. Pokèmon Museum's magazine review focused on its affiliates and the awards, inviting fellow readers to have their site reviewed by Kabutops. Unfortunately, the site is not present on Wayback Machine. I'll never know if Kabutops came back updating its museum after summer vacations :(

Issue 35: TBPS

Let's have another jump of several months; issue 35 featured a page under the bigger domain Pokevalley and named itself The Best Pokèmon Page, rather narcissistic! This was one of those rare times Pokèmon World featured an english-speaking site. The layout doesn't impress me too much, yet the fact that the header reads "Crystal Water Version" conveys that the webmaster(s) used to periodically change aspect and palette of their site, an activity that proved to be very prolific for many page owners at the time: sites were often in construction, and people were experimenting with different colours or HTML code tricks to impress viewers and reviewers, have as many affiliates as possible and collect positive awards from other sites. Such was popularity, back in the day! The site has a long menu with many sections dedicated to the main games and movies; although, none of those pages were catching anyone’s attention anymore as everyone had the same copypasted guides and info; instead, what’s interesting is the hefty section dedicated to browser games, the big menu with pages concerning the site and staff themselves, and the oekaki board! Oekakis were very popular in that period, as it allowed fellow aspiring artists to meet eachother and show off their own skills by drawing live! If a site hosted one, they could quickly become a melting pot of creativity. Wayback Machine, sadly, doesn’t have anything concerning this site as well.

Issue 36: Arcywof

We’re back on italian sites with a page that definitely impressed even Pokèmon World’s staff for its pleasing graphics. When I first saw this among the magazine’s pages... my eyes lit up! I can’t hide that after seeing its beautiful palette, checkered background and condensed menu, teen me adopted Arcy & The Fire Pkmn as design guru: many of my subsequent mockup pages had exactly this layout, or variations of it. It’s too bad, though, that aside from the beautiful presentation, the site’s contents aren’t exactly interesting: the Pokèmon images are ripped straight from Nintendo’s official archives, and most sections are concerning the anime’s characters, episode plots, and broadcasting dates. However, Arcywof also offers a forum and a live chat, which definitely helped the staff build an interactive and affectionate community around it. Among all reviewed here, I’m most bitter that Wayback Machine hasn’t archived this site, because seriously, it’s a little jewel ;w; its pastel colours and checkered texture remind me of candy shops!

Issue 38: Pokemon Super Site

I wanted to finish this little jump in the past with a positive note and show at least one more saved address from Wayback Machine. Although not in its updated version originally featured in Pokèmon World Issue 38, Pokèmon Super Site has been archived and it’s more or less complete to explore. It’s too bad a lot of the graphics haven’t survived but hey it’s something! It’s 2003, and the trend has changed once again: forums are as popular as ever and considered one of the most successful ways to build a solid audience for one’s own page, which are now treated more like portals or an extension to the forum itself. Super Site’s sections are centered on game guides, nothing too special, but I do love the grey and white grid background on menus and header, as if we’re viewing a notebook page; reminds me of school days. I also really like the gifs section as featured in the review, all those old graphics bring back so much memories of scouting the net to save them all on hard drive!

If you stumble upon one of these sites in Wayback Machine, chances are the ever present affiliates buttons will still be working, allowing you to visit even more fansites. It’s a true trip to the past, and a never ending source of inspiration for me!

#Fandom

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en-theheights · 4 years

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All the problems with HSMTMTS:

I keep getting asked question on what happened in the fandom, and what is going on against all of the s*xual assault allegations against J*shua and T*m. This is going to be the post where I lay out all that I know of and inform the tumblr fandom on it because not all of you are on Twitter, and Tumblr is literally the heaven amongst fandoms. After this post, I’m DONE talking about this show and being apart of this toxic group. Along with talking about the s*xual assault allegations, I will also be addressing the issues during the BLM movement and other crap that not only the cast and crew have been a part of, but also the fandom itself. Let’s dig in.

Sidenote: I really don’t want any hate, I’m just trying to be open with you guys and inform you all. Also, I’m doing my best to remember everything, so if there is something that you want to know more on then please just message me personally cause I’m seriously SICK of discussing it publicly.

Not eveything in the fandom is due to JUST the cast and crew. This fandom is FULL of very toxic and creepy people.

A few months ago, someone (a grown women) who was overly obsessed with Olivia hacked into her grandfather’s account to turn it into a fan page to get undercover information on Olivia, as well as getting information on where Olivia lived. This grown women has also done some other seriously inappropriate things. If you want to learn more about the sketchy things that this women has done than you can go to Twitter and look it up.

There are always ship wars in fandoms, but this one takes it WAY too seriously. I’ve seen people get attack on their looks just for being a part of a ship. The ones that are heavily abusive are Rina vs Rini, Seblos vs CJ, and redlyn vs Redky. It has cause people to leave the fandom due to how bad the attacking got. On Tumblr, everyone’s pretty open about ships, but on twitter it is a literal battle field.

Disgraceful people still continue to ship the actors instead of the characters. J*livia and J*fia is what I’m going to talk more closely about. (First, josh is a grown adult and both Sofia and Olivia are minors, please unfollow me if you don’t see anything wrong with that). Sofia had to delete a few of her tik toks after one with Joshua went viral and people wouldn’t stop shipping her and him in her comments. Like one video she did, the caption was “I want a boyfriend” and people assumed they were dating and wouldn’t stop tagging him in her videos. As for Olivia, people have been shipping them since the beginning of the show. Fan accounts on all platforms have dedicated their time to this. I don’t necessarily remember if Sofia or Olivia came out saying that they were uncomfortable when they got shipped with their cast mates, but it started causing drifts between the actors because of this and Joshua wasn’t featured in any of Sofia’s videos after that and Olivia didn’t post as much as she use to with him. It goes to show that shipping actors makes things awkward and strained within their personal relationships. DONT DO THIS!

A person stating that they were friend’s with Olivia came out to expose Joshua of being a bad boyfriend after she tells everyone that Olivia and Joshua has been secretly dating during the press tour of HSMTMTS. There was clever evidence that showed they were dating and the girl came out with multiple receipts, and even went so far as to go on Instagram live to speak on the matter. But she then came out stating that it was false and she only wanted some attention. Apparently she was a j*livia stan. I can’t find anything on twitter about it anymore, since I’m pretty sure eveything was deleted. This can ruin people’s careers and I don’t know why anyone could think it’s okay.

There are genuinely a lot of creepy adults that roam around in the HSM fandom. On twitter, there would be grown adults writing in detail how the kissing scene between Joshua and Olivia made them feel. People continue to post the gif of Nini and Ricky kissing and write out why it’s so important to them. People have taken that kissing scene and literally turned it into nasty and inappropriate sm*t on AO3 and Wattpad. Note once again that these characters are minors and it’s NEVER okay to write inappropriate stories about children. Grown adults need to be held accountable for their actions if this is how they’re acting.

Some parts of the fandom genuinely hate on both Sofia and Olivia for literally nothing. Just jealousy between their ships, and because of it, they think it’s okay to to personally attack the actresses on their looks and where they are in there careers. People continuously pin Olivia and Sofia against each other, like for example people bashing Olivia for not being as successful as Sofia, or Sofia being bashed because she doesn’t have the same singing career as Olivia. It’s once again, DISGUSTING!

This one is more about Disney and then not doing their part. Disney cut out the majority of Seblos’ scenes, which caused a lot of turmoil within the fandom and why Seblos felt unattached and awkward while they were together in all of their scenes after the dance episode. People called out Disney and said they they shouldn’t have put Seblos in if they weren’t going to go full out with it.

Onto the cast and the crew:

Kate (miss Jenn) got a lot of hate for exposing that Frankie (Carlos) and Joe(Seb) are in an actual real life relationship without asking them for their consent to tell the world. Don’t know whether they had spoken about them being in a relationship or not, but Kate didn’t speak on it after that either.

A video came out a few days ago of the cast taking cast pictures during their tour, and Mark (Mr. Mazzara) was standing beside Sofia in which it looks like his hand was rubbing Sofia’s lower back, and she seemed uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s a stretch or not because the video is super blurry and it’s hard to kind of see their faces, but you can clearly see his hand go behind her back. Personally for me, I didn’t notice anything too alarming, but you’d have to see for youself. I won’t be posting that and instead you can dm me personally and I’ll send you the link to the video.

A past comment of Joshua’s was exposed in which he is saying the F slur. #joshuabassettisoverparty was trending world wide on Twitter, with people wanting him off the show. He has apologized for it since then, but not many ever forgave him and it was just really his young girl audience that came to his defense, even though it wasn’t their apology to forgive. People that only stan him because he is a cute cis white male didn’t see the problem in what he had said, and kept saying that he was young and that it’s not a reason for us to hate on him, but he was only 17 when he said that, and it’s no excuse. Personally to me, his apology was super bland and he didn’t address it personally on his Twitter, but instead replied to a post saying he’d do better. Here’s what he had said:

Here is his apology on this:

Joshua also went on a live in which he said “boys, gals, or whatever” People accused him of being transphobic and enbyphobic. Others think that his words were being blown out of proportion. Here is that video:

I found it to be very ridiculous and rude that he doesn’t follow anybody on twitter or tik tok. On a live video, Julia said something about him not following her, and he just says that he doesn’t follow anybody and she shouldn’t take it personally. Honestly not that big of a deal, but it’s still shows pitifullness and arrogancy. Don’t know what his contract looks like with whatever agency he’s with, but maybe they’re just strict on that, but idk.

People hate on Matt (EJ) for being republican. He hasn’t done anything problematic or said anything out of offense, so for me he’s good. UPDATE: Turns out, Matt is friends with Benjamin Lawson Adams, a convicted pedophile. Here’s a brief statement in what happened:

He worked for the Weinstein company, so no surprise there. His arrest happened in May 2016, and his license was suspended to practice Law in July of 2018. If Matt knew what was best for him, he would stop having any and all associations with this dude.

That’s all I can think of on situations not regarding the s*xual assault allegations or the BLM movement. But there’s probably so much I’m missing. I’m going to make a part 2, cause the next half is too long to post here as well. I’ll label it #exposinghsmtmts so others are able to see it.

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wintrcaptn · 4 years

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Falling Like The Stars | Chris Evans

Summary : you and Chris had one magical night a year ago but that was it. Just one night. As you went your separate ways, you thought he had completely forgotten about you. That was until you saw him on Jimmy Fallon.

A/N : it’s been a while. Buuuut I’m back! And starting off with my new series! I hope you all enjoy (: please don’t be afraid to leave feed back!! Thank you! (Not my gif! Credit goes to the owner!)

Three hundred and eighty-seven days has come and gone since the night that changed everything, not only for you, but for Chris as well.

It was a night you never expected. One that felt like it had come out of a romance novel. You know, the ones where the characters are destined to fall in love.

The whole thing was more than cliche. And though you loved every second of it, you knew it had to come to an end.

And ever since you said your goodbyes, that was that. From then on, you only ever saw him on magazines and movies. Watched him play as Captain America and slay it. You had always been a fan of his, even before meeting him. That was never going to change.

Now, here you were. Sitting in your living room, eating a bowl of cereal while flipping through the channels on your tv.

Nothing had peaked your interest until suddenly, there he was. Smiling at the camera as he waved at the audience. Wearing a dark blue suit and a striped shirt.

Even when he wasn’t trying, he was more than beautiful.

Without realizing, you were stuck on the channel. Unaware of anything else but the show. It was like having tunnel vision, not able to see anything but Chris.

“So Chris! Thanks for coming, man. It’s been a long time.” Jimmy exclaimed, as he settled back into his chair.

Chris flashed a soft smile as he nodded with enthusiasm. “Of course. Thanks for having me. It’s great to be back.”

Just hearing his voice always caused your stomach to flutter.

“You’ve had quite the year, with avengers and—by the way, that movie was just amazing!” Jimmy continued. “I haven’t had the chance to see you after avengers came out, but it went on to make 2.9 billion—“

“Yeah it made a few bucks.” Chris cut him off. Causing not only jimmy to laugh but everyone in the audience. You also let out a little chuckle.

Sitting there in your pajamas, you didn’t move not even an inch as you watched the show. Watched him. From every movement he made, every expression, you loved just how animated he was.

It was hard to tear your eyes away from him. No matter how hard you try, you were almost in a trance.

Once his brother came out, and the game began, you never expected the outcome.

“Okay, Chris your turn to put the head phones on.” Jimmy chuckled.

And he did.

Jimmy grabbed the card and faced Scott. “Okay, what is something Chris has done this year that no one knows about?”

Scott hummed to himself as he thought for a moment. His head tilted up, with only one thought forming. “Uhh-okay okay. Well something that—well that involved me? Alright, well—“

“It doesn’t have to involve you.”

“No no! This involves me.” He said. “Um we, well—okay. For quite sometime, Chris has forced me to tag along on this crazy search for someone he met a year ago and hasn’t seen since! Literally, every time we are out here, he has to go out and look!”

In that very moment, your body froze. Almost as if you had become a statue. Not even realizing you were also holding your breath. Was this really happening? Was he talking about you?

“Wait what?!” Jimmy exclaimed. “Okay!”

He tapped on Chris’ shoulder, giving him the cue to remove the ear phones.

“Yeah you can take them off!” Jimmy said. “You got some explaining to do. I want to know what went down!”

“Oh no!” Chris cackled, gazing at his younger brother.

“Okay, here’s the question. What is something that Chris has done this year that no one knows about?”

He let out a sigh, as he glanced down at his feet. Contemplating over the few ideas he had in his head. “Huh, well there’s a lot.” He chuckled. “Okay I’ll say—I’ll say it was probably when I stayed home and—“

He paused once he heard laughter coming from the audience.

“Judging from the reaction, I’m not right.” He sighed.

Chris turned to his brother once again, furrowing his brows as confusion set in. “What are you ratting me out for?” His voice was soft.

Scott shrugged his shoulders and flashed a cynical smirk. “Our crazy search.”

Suddenly, it dawned on him. “Ohhhhh....” he drawled out. “Scott!”

Laughter filled the room once again, and though no one could tell, heat began to radiate off of Chris’ body as he grew embarrassed and flustered all at once.

“That was between us!”

You were sitting at on the edge of the couch, barely blinking. This had to be fake. Right? There’s no way they could be talking about you. Of all people. Why would he waste his time when he could have anyone else?

“Okay. There’s a story here.” Jimmy said, grabbing the brothers attention. “Who is this person and why are you looking for them? Did they kill someone or—“

“No. No.” Chris exhaled. He was more nervous now. His hands were clammy while his heart pounded profusely in his chest. He hated being put on the spot. “Her name is Y/N.”

The way your name fell from his lips, it was euphoric. Something so simple had caused your stomach to flutter, and a smile to slowly form.

“I met her on the subway. It was getting kind of late. And she was sitting by herself with a book in her hand.” Chris stopped for just a moment, flashing a smile as the memory flooded his mind.

“Wow!” Jimmy sighed. “This sounds like a romantic comedy!”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Scott exclaimed. “But this idiot let her go.”

“What?! Why?!”

He shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. Almost looking as if he were defeated.

“I don’t know. I—it’s my biggest regret. Trust me. All I know is that ever since, I can’t stop thinking about her.”

This wasn’t a dream. This was actually happening. Right in front of your eyes. Chris, a guy who doesn’t let people in, was wearing his heart on his sleeve. On tv!

You didn’t know what to do, or think. Or even know how to react.

“Wow. I just—that’s a beautiful story, my friend. And who knows, maybe the story isn’t over yet.” Jimmy said before turning directly to the camera. “Wherever you are Y/N, don’t give up just yet.”

And just like that, they went on with the game a couple more rounds before ending the show.

After all this time, Chris still remembered you. And has been looking for you with his brother.

For the life of you, it was baffling. Why would he waste his time searching for someone he’s only known for a few hours? A girl who is mediocre compared to all the Hollywood starlets that are assessable to him.

Why?

Suddenly, the interview was trending on almost every social media network. With your name everywhere.

And the one question everyone asked; who is this girl?

——

Part Two

#hopefully this was okay #its been a while #we will see how it goes!#marvel #chris evans #steve rogers #marvel imagine #the avengers #marvel fanfiction #avengers infinity war #marvel mcu #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fic #chris evans fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #mcu fanfiction #mcu

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ksocialaus · 4 years

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𝑹𝑬𝑫 𝑽𝑬𝑳𝑽𝑬𝑻 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑪𝑻 𝑻𝑶: After the break up you send them a The Rose song

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: members x reader

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: angst

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: mentions of death

ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ: none of the gifs are mine, credits to the owners

𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

(requests are open!)

𝐈𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞 - Baby

The door of your apartment swung open hitting the wall making a loud sound once it was closed again. Tears flowing down your cheeks while you were shaking like there was no tomorrow.

You threw your bag at your couch, fell to the floor probably hurting your knees while reaching for your phone in the back pocket of your jeans. The words that Irene said to you were still banging in the back of your head “I don’t wanna hold you back…” “being with me is making you lose so many opportunities…” “look at you! You are a mess”.

All you could remember was her voice trying to calm you down, to make you go back to your senses, telling you to take the job, to go to another country without her… Your voice screaming at her how much you loved her and how much she was hurting you… Your head hurt so much, like if someone were hitting the walls of your head with a little hammer.

You unlocked your phone and went to your first pinned conversation her name next to cute emojis made your heart hurt even more. “Suddenly I have an extreme urge to listen to Baby by The Rose… can that be the last song I dedicate to you?”

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐥𝐠𝐢 - Sorry

It’s been two months and you were not over it yet… Just two months ago you were still holding Seulgi in your arms, as you have been for three years… then she brought that damn question again “when are we going public?”

She was tired and you knew it, she never grew tired of tell you how much she dreamed about holding your hand in public, talk about you on interviews, post pictures with you on her insta… talk openly about the songs she wrote for and about you… She was so strong and you were so insecure.

Now you couldn’t do anything but drink every night, remembering how she walked out of your apartment one night to never come back. That night you were really stressed thanks to your homework, that night you were so tired you didn’t even bother to turn your head back… hold her hand and make her sit on your lap… run your fingers on her pretty hair and ask her for more time.

That night was hunting you, the thoughts of what could have been were hunting you.

Now you were sitting all alone, beer in hand and the only light in your apartment was the light that could come through your windows. Sorry by The Rose was playing really loud on your speakers.

With tears filling your eyes you cleaned your mouth with your hand and reached for your phone in the dark, took a screenshot of that sad song and emailed it to Seulgi, knowing them well she never really used her email and probably won’t ever see all the pity song you’ve been emailing him since you two broke up.

𝐖𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐲 - She’s in the rain

Your friends tried to reach out to you as soon as the news was trending everywhere. They just didn’t know that you knew… you knew that Wendy was getting married the next month… damn, you were even helping her with everything. Wendy, the same girl you grew up with, the same girl you have been in love since you both were 6 years old.

The same little girl that would held your hand while watching the horror movies that you loved but were terrified to watch. That little girl that every time that looked at you made your knees week. She was getting married and you never had the courage to come clean about your feelings for her.

Always saying to yourself “I’ll tell her when the time is right”... but the time never came and then one day she was dating someone… the next day she was moving with them… and now you were here sending her wedding ideas.

But just yesterday a really famous magazine announced Wendy’s wedding, letting everyone see how deeply in love was she with her partner… then reality hit you, you were losing the love of your life, the only person you’ve ever loved because you never had the guts to tell her about your feelings.

“Hey… I know it’s not the right time but… please listen to this… pay attention to the whole lyrics… please. Wendy, I love you”

You pressed send after including a link to The Rose’s She is in the rain.

A few minutes later the sound notification of your phone made you jump in your sit. With shaky hands, you took your phone and opened the message Wendy just sent you.

“Oh my Y/N I loved that sooong! I’ll talk to my fiance so we can dance it! Thank you babes, love you too”

𝐉𝐨𝐲 - I.L.Y.

“I love you” were the last words Joy said at you before running to the bathroom and locked herself there. It’s been an hour and you could still feel the rage running through your body. She knew you didn’t want commitment, that this whole friends with benefits were just for fun. You were very clear about it but she kept catching feelings and maybe you were doing the same thing… and honestly, it was so damn scary.

“Joy?” again there was no answer. Your back was against the bathroom’s door, your head hitting it every now and then, trying to hear any sound she could possibly do, but there was just silent and it felt like it was eating you alive.

Maybe… Maybe saying “I love you” back wasn’t so bad… after all, Joy was all you had, was the first person you wanted to see in the morning when you were eating alone you thought of her… every decision you took was based on her opinion… you could even recognize the sound of her walk… how she laughed when something wasn’t funny… the way he lied… everything.

Maybe you were in love with Joy but just couldn’t put it into words because you never were someone really vocal about your feelings.

“Joy? Please come out” again… nothing. A heavy sight left your lips, you took your phone, scrolled through your playlist until you found the one song… that song that you found one night while Joy was sleeping on your chest and you were trying to find new music.

“Joy… baby, I know you can hear me… this song reminds me of you… it did since the first time I listened to it… I think it says everything I feel for you… sorry, I’m such a coward” you hit the play button and slide your phone under the door letting the music fill the bathroom…

When the song ended letting another one start you could feel how she unlocked the door…

𝐘𝐞𝐫𝐢 - Like we used to

The room felt really cold. The white curtains now felt like a ghost instead of long clouds. You took a look around slightly smiling, suddenly remembering everything you and Yeri did in that small department, how she always brought a new flower or convinced you into trying to cook a new and random recipe she found online.

Your bottom lip started to shake when you started to took little steps into your home, your fingers touching with a little of fear the remaining furniture.

Yeri and you worked so hard to decorate your small home, tried to make it as warm and cozy as possible.. Wich, you did but as soon as she left the apartment started to feel cold and it was even hurtful to live there by yourself. That was why your mom convinced you to move back with her until you felt better to live alone again.

But would that ever happen? How could you move on when the love of your life left you… yes, maybe she was better now but you couldn’t help but feel like she just abandoned you… like she didn’t try hard enough…

You didn’t realize when the tears started to roll from your eyes to your neck… when you fell on the floor crying… screaming… you only realized when you felt those familiar arms holding you again… it felt like a dream… her thin arms around you, holding you cause she knew how broken you were “why Yeri? Why you left me if I loved you so badly? Couldn’t you wait a little for me?”

You could swear to God you felt a weak breath against your head and her voice whispering a little “sorry” before you felt alone again. You opened your eyes and found yourself in the middle of the bedroom you used to share, holding your self in a tight hug.

Screams started to break your throat while your body collapsed on the floor. Soon a pair of arms tried to make you sit again “honey… sweetheart… it’s okay… it’s okay baby, I’m here… You need to let Yeri go” your mom tried to calm you down while your screams continued to rasp your throat.

After a few minutes crying on the floor while your mom hold you, she finally made you leave that apartment… she was driving in silence while you were laying in the back of her car, your earphones on your eyes while you were listening to the old playlist you and Yeri used to dance to… memories filling your head… You opened your conversation with Yeri almost automatically and started to type “I need to stop blaming you for leaving me… after all, it wasn’t your fault… Today I went to our house for the last time, and I will probably listen to our playlist for the last time but I want you to know that I hope that every time I listen to Like we used to by The Rose you get to hear it… I’d be the best person so I can get to heaven and meet you again… my mom is right Yeri… I need to let you go… see you in heave my little angel. Rest well, I love you Yeri. Always.”

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graphicabyss · 4 years

Text

?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

#musings

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ddaenqu · 5 years

Text

Tea for Two

pairings: yandere prince!namjoon x fem!reader

themes: Kingdom AU, Angst, Mature, Yandere AU, Arranged Marriage AU

tags: possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, unhealthy behavior/relationship, toxic behavior/relationship, overprotective behavior, arranged marriages, threats, threatening, slight sexism, forced marriage, infidelity mention, mentions of violence, some grotesque scenes of death, explicit langauge, mentions of slaves

a/n: ahhh i finally finished it! i’m sorry if there’s so much mistakes, i tried to edit it as much as possible but sometimes i kind of just write and read, and don’t pick it up. i was sick while writing this and (maybe) still sick when i schedule-post it. the reader’s personality was by far my favorite to write in this one, and i hope you all love her as much as i do!! (and the gif i wanted didn’t work when i tried to save it, SO IM MAD MAD)

based on the prompt: “Say that one more time and I’ll make sure you can never walk again.”

summary: Life wasn’t fair to you, and it didn’t give you happiness, hope, love—neither lemons. It gave you tea. The finest quality there is, in the wrong situations.

The tea tasted horrible, bitter and frothy against the sides of your mouth, the number of sugar cubes you dropped in couldn’t help the bland taste. You’d say this was the worst thing you’ve ever drunk, and that was saying a lot as over the years your senses were built to enjoy even the most bitter and sour, watered-down, and scalding hot drinks.

You forced yourself to take another sip and decided that it truly was the worst. Setting it down onto the glass saucer gently, a small clink resonating through the still room, you looked around—as you have been for the past five minutes. The room didn’t change, you remind yourself, you’re still in the same stupid cushioned seat since you first arrived, and your firm corset is doing well to hide your panicked breathing and nearly accomplishing its goal to crush all of your ribs in record time.

“Another cup? Your grace?” you hear the baritone-like voice of the butler, dressed in a beautifully tailored uniform, gold gleaming from the seams. His hair was dark brown, his eyes glowed brown with speckles of gold, and his kind smile had always done well to keep your behavior at bay.

You waved it off and returned a smile of your own, genuine or fake, you couldn’t tell anymore. “No thank you, Seokjin, I’m fine.”

The room almost jolts to life to the informal address towards Seokjin, one of the many butlers, more commonly called Mr. Kim. But he pays no heed to the informality, he doesn’t mind at all, he’s known you for quite a long time and has figured out along the way, from your awkward teenager days, and to your dumb young adult antics—that you hated honorifics.

His smile never leaves his face, never falters, never twitches. “Are you sure? You’ve only had a cup since coming here. Would you enjoy something else? Your grace?”

“No, thank you though.”

“Of course, your grace.”

The room returns to its quiet state once again, all the maids and butlers are positioned with perfect forms, and the knights stand guardedly by the doors. Although it’s quiet, the one thing anyone loves in this line of work, the room burns in tension. You could feel the eyes of hundreds as they could feel every small movement you make against their cold flesh.

But you’re not one to have an outburst or a temper for that matter. You weren’t allowed to.

To be raised as the daughter of a duke, you’re raised with high expectations.

You had to fit in with any trends that were fashion-related and keep up on them, you didn’t need to know about anything else, not the war—as you couldn’t ever enlist, no woman could. You had to have perfect etiquette when eating or talking. You had to walk in sync with others, couldn’t walk ahead, you were taught to walk in heels and dresses. You had to smile, that was the most important job you were told, they drilled in the thought that even an untalented and useless girl could attract the best with a simple smile.

You were raised to be the embodiment of perfection.

To be the perfect woman—the perfect wife.

You were glad that where you sat, faced with a grand window and offering the kingdom’s garden, and the front of the mansion they lived in, you could see anyone who had arrived. It’s more like a warning for you, to prepare for it, whatever you were preparing for.

At one point you thought if you could really go through with this, to go against everyone’s wishes, most importantly your parents and the queen.

If you were unlucky and turned out unfavorable to the queen, you’d be beheaded or worse—forced to continue on.

The thought of having young children watch your head fall dead as the rest of your body, them finding odd entertainment in something so vile, made your stomach sick, that disgusting tea rising in your throat. The taste stuck to the back of your throat and a gag reflex was seconds away from appearing.

A heavy sigh comes from you as you try to smooth the creases in between your eyebrows, your headache from this morning has returned with a white noise keening in the back of your head and the silence is only making it worse.

“Seokjin, can you get me something cold to drink—water, quickly,” you say, but it’s in an authoritative tone, automatically.

“Of course, your grace,” he replies and turns to get the pitcher of water, setting down a new cup and pouring cold, iced water. All the while, he’s busy boring eyes into your head, noticing all the defined lines, dark bags, and blotchy makeup trying to hide your stress. You hope he has enough sense to not ask.

Seokjin returns the pitcher back to where it sat last time and adds space between you and him, in which you inwardly thank him.

Suddenly, the dark oak doors in the middle of the room open, revealing two men you believe are on the council, and the other being the prince of Esthersa known as Kim Namjoon—your fiancé.

The two shrub-like men standing beside him, small and incompetent compared to his domineering figure. You almost cringed to the fact the whole room had to stop and brighten in awe, and you would say you were almost embarrassed by his grand entry.

“What I’m saying, prince—,” one of the councilmen stop and quickly correct himself, “Your Royal Highness, forgive me, is that it would be better if we sent some of the knights to the south—”

The other quickly cut him off, “war is arising in our neighboring kingdoms, it’s better if we abide them by their rules and arrangements, they had asked—”

Something in Namjoon snaps in seconds and the councilman closes his mouth mid-sentence, a rare sight to see when he was usually a reserved and calm person over the years. His eyes burn in anticipating rage before his lips reach into a grin, you could tell animosity was burning at his patience from the way his body became stiff, for reasons unknown to you.

He turns to the two men who stood behind him like cowering dogs, saying something that you couldn’t hear, but guessing from the two council members reactions, it wasn’t very pleasant, to say the least.

It was odd to see him get worked up so easily over a simple conversation. Most of the time, it had to be his parents or an argument from one of his siblings to make him angry. You’ll have to refrain yourself from asking, nosying wasn’t an attractive trait.

“Mr. Kim,” Namjoon calls and Seokjin, who stood behind you, immediately rushed over to him.

“Show these two gentlemen to the front,” He orders in a calm voice, “and tell the rest of the council members that we will end it there for the day.”

“Of course, Your Highness.” The butler bows to the prince and takes the two pale men away from the room, the doors closing with a bang, the knights regaining their positions.

You hear a deep sigh vibrate the room, Namjoon settling down into the chair across from you where another cup of tea stood untouched and a plate with one scone on it.

Mildly unsettled now that your one person of comfort had left the room, it would be nice to have someone you know to be there if things went wrong.

“I’m sorry for the disruption, they tend to follow when they don’t get what they want,” he explains, although, you already knew that from being around him and his family enough, or anyone who had the title of a noble.

“Typical,” you reply and watch him take a sip from the teacup. “But I did ask to meet unexpectedly without any warning, that is purely my fault.”

He lets out a faint chuckle and his body feels more pliant, still very much aware, yet comfortable in his seat. His eyes softened and his hands were no longer curled into fists as they were before.

The Kim Namjoon you knew appearing before you. The one you’ve known since kids. Grown into all of his features, his baby fat no longer there, dark brown choppy bangs sprawled and swept against his forehead, the bruised he prided in from training became faint, and his awkward, lanky body grew into one of an actual prince.

“It’s fine. I’m sure it’s important, you rarely visit by yourself, so it must be serious,” he assures, “you have all of my attention, love”.

“Yes,” you speak before thinking, the eloquent words you had in your mind began to scramble. You didn’t know if he knew why you were here, his words insinuated that he did—but—he seemed oddly happy. From the way his lips turned into a gracious smile and the use of the pet name, he’s never done that regularly. Or maybe he did? Maybe you’ve never noticed.

Was he maybe expecting something else? You thought, or could he be happy already knowing what you’re about to ask? Perhaps something else had made his day?

From the corner of your eye, you see movement and remember, there are others in the room as you speak, who could hear everything. Even if they did an oath to keep quiet about any private matters containing the royals, you didn’t want a group of spectators watching and making silent judgments when they don’t know anything. It's worse enough to have to speak to Namjoon in person, sending a letter would’ve been more appropriate, but your family had insisted you visit him the moment their eyes landed on the letter meant for him.

“Is it possible for the maids and knights to leave the room?” you whispered, your clammy hands trembling in the fabric of your dress.

Namjoon’s eyes narrow, deep in thought, but his expression keeps still and restrained. His hand goes up and makes a gesture akin to a wave, you’re too afraid to look anywhere that wasn’t his eyes.

Leather shoes clack and shuffle, metal creating a clicking sound like the door of the room shut close, barricading you and him inside, the silence consuming every spot and cup. You were alone with him.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” you gulp and he takes another slow sip from his tea, your mouth went dry. “The reason I came to visit was that I wanted to talk about our engagement.”

The words left your mouth, clear, making sure you’re not talking too much or too fast for him.

He raised his eyebrow and shuffled in his seat. Putting his leg over the over, his fingers toying with the curved, gloss handle as the cup rested in its according saucer.

“What about our engagement?” he inquired, interested, “enlighten me.”

“I believe,” you begin and then quickly add, “Your Highness”, to appease your painful anxiety, and to be as formal as you can at this point. “We need to find better solutions to increase the morale of your kingdom.”

“What does this have to do with our engagement? Are you, perhaps, proposing more outings together?” He shuffles once more in his seat, leaning forward. “And, if you’ve forgotten, technically it’s our kingdom.”

You sigh regretfully, you had made it to ambiguous for him to specifically pinpoint what you’re trying to say, anyone would take it the wrong way with how you phrased it, but you feel bad. The words you want to say are too blunt—for someone like Namjoon. Sure, he’s a prince, he’s built on nothing but “bloodlust”, and his expressions only vary to calm and angry-calm, however, he’s been nothing yet kind and equal with you. It feels unfair that you’re the one to bring it up abruptly, to make matters worse, you’re bringing it up before the war has ended, but it must be said, he must’ve already thought of it before.

“No, Namjoon—Your Highness .” Bile rises to your throat, and every word sounds foreign to you as you spoke, “what I’m trying to say is—Your Highness, I want us to annul our engagement.”

The room drops in temperature, which is far-fetched to say, there’s no way for a room to instantly get cold, and yet it does, somehow. The look in Namjoon’s eyes are cold, they’ve always been in some form—but they are just there, they no longer share the emotion his face and body don’t show, the only way you’ve read his answers and him. It’s gone. He’s just the prince.

He becomes slack against the chair, his back pressed against the chair, and his fingers now tapping against the wooden table, lightly, you add.

“‘Us’?” Is the only thing he mentions in his deep and solemn tone.

“Yes,” you continue on with your explanation, the one you’ve perfected over the courses of weeks. “I knew ever since we were engaged you weren’t happy with the choice, it wasn’t ours to begin with.” You look out the window to focus on the maids and other staff flitting about the front yard, relieving of your stress by a mile. “I was only engaged because of my family’s name, known for the looks or talent, well-liked by the people. Ultimately, I was only a sacrifice for peace between the people and you. But you already knew this.”

“I was one of many pawns,” is what you wanted to say. To create this grotesque picture of you being unhappy with this to-satisfy life, to make the biggest moves as everyone sits back and waits until they are called, to be the one taking everything. And to be cast away when you’re not needed anymore and rot with the others who have already played all of their moves.

You did not want to be that.

“I see.” Namjoon reaches for the tea once more and takes a sip, you watch his eyes stare at the bottom of his cup longer than normal, his cheeks were hollowed in from him biting the insides of his cheeks. “Is that truly what you wish for? War is still going on, and my parents will be enraged if I tell them this.”

You breathe in. “This is what I want. I had planned to be kicked from my title from the very start, and I know there are other ways to ensure peace among the people and neighbo—”

“Silence.”

Your mouth screws shut to his order, the malevolence seeping through the cracks of his calm expression, his eyes boring into your skull as the minutes pass, the pressure and guilt beating down on your body. You’re shaking. Your legs are, wobbling and trying to find support by rooting yourself near the legs of your chair, your hands numb with chills running up your arms.

Of all your time with being next to Namjoon, you’ve never seen him snap at you. You thought he didn’t care to, you knew how to put yourself in your place and control your attitude. You’ve never once made him angry.

Well—of course, in this situation he was going to be angry, but you didn’t think he’d be to the point of disgust showing through his tone. He was going to take most of the verbal abuse from his parents and constant begging from your own; saying how he was a coward to let her go, that him choosing to annul the engagement was to bring rebellion in all (for canceling an engagement was a way to tell people you were unloyal and indecisive, and nobody wants that in the future ruler of a kingdom). However, you knew that there were other ways—are other ways, if only he agrees to it.

Marrying another country, one with amazing morale and beautiful benevolence seeping through its kingdom, was the easiest way to ensure happiness among all—but not the fastest. There was bound to be small riots to rise along the way, fighting with cultural differences and the natural “once an enemy, always an enemy” cliché coming to play.

But he was Kim Namjoon, and if you had anything to say about him to someone who has never seen or heard of him, you would say he matched the standards of anyone. No matter too high or too low.

“So, you’ve heard?” His grin pulled into a menacing line.

“Heard what? Namjoon, did I—I mean Your Highness, did I—”

“The council wants me to marry with another kingdom.” His eyes wander to the window and beyond the window, then back to you and your lifeless body. “Is that what made you like this? All of a sudden?”

Does he really think this is stemming from the rumors surrounding him? Not only is he proving the rumors, but not noticing your distaste for this relationship with him from the beginning—he even said so himself that he did not want it.

“No, It’s been my wish since the beginning of this mess, I didn’t know you were being asked to, I was only listing one of the ways I’ve thought of. I’m sorry if I offended you, Your Highness.”

Namjoon doesn’t reply, which most often means he’s thinking. Thinking about what, you don’t know and don’t really want to have an idea of, but you do know that letting you be free of the engagement will be as torturous and burdening for you as it will be to him. Stripped from your noble title and all the power you get from it, every piece of jewelry or dress you’ve owned is burned, and then you’re all too familiar with living with the lower class after a few months. In short, you will become nothing.

Being nothing is better than this life.

“Alright,” he says after a prolonged silence. “I’ll announce it to my parents, if that’s what you wish for. Truly.”

With elegance, expression flawed and corrupted with disbelief that he had actually agreed when he easily could have said no, you rise from your seat, the chair scraping against the floor. You bow to the lowest your body could allow, offering all of your sincerity in that one bow, offering everything to him. You promise gold and riches to him as he sits in silence, knowing your parents will try to compensate for your “wrongdoing”. Saying more than needed “thank you”’s as your head hanging low in submission.

“I guess—Your Royal Highness,” you say with a meek voice, “this will be the last we see each other.”

Namjoon hums, and the natural fire in his eyes return. Interest.

“Maybe—it will be the last.”

You storm pass guards and guards.

To hell with those damned bastards, you curse as you wrench and try to twist their armored hands away from your arms, the steam burning at the tips of your skin and threatening to fall upon every being in the room beyond these doors.

“Your Highness, what has possessed you?” one of the guards ask, pushing your body against the golden handles of the doors, trying to do so without causing injury.

It’s only natural that they are more worried than upset at your sudden behavior change. You were kind to them, to all, those years of etiquette training had automatically made you into this perfect doll. Anger wasn’t ever present within you, having a temper wasn’t allowed. Just as everything else that made you remotely human wasn’t allowed.

“Let me through those doors, I need to see your prince,” you threaten, wounding your hand tight around an open space where his armor did not cover, gripping with fervor as your nails dig crescents.

“His Highness is working at the moment. He wishes to not have any disturbances, even by you, Your Highness.”

Your Highness.

That title made your insides scorch with blistering pain and a lump to rise to your ears, drowning out the sounds of nearby guards and maids who were witnessing this unfortunate scene.

The two guards that were positioned in front of Nmajoon’s door look at each other with uncertainty.

“Please compose yourself first, Your Highness, and we will let you in,” one requests, his hold is powerful, and yet it's not bruising on your skin. “We do not mean to be rude, we shall let you in as soon as you are you.”

“Fine,” you spit and the guards, taught to maintain bleak faces, wince to your tone.

As if they had been scolded—and it’s only natural that they do.

They’re being scolded by the next-in-line queen.

You will yourself to lose all hatred at the skin of your face, your features blending into a calm and coordinated smile, one that offered forgiveness, happiness, the well-being of the people were in that smile, your eyes gleaming with unprecedented love.

“May I see your highness?” you ask once more, the softest and lightest tone you could conjure from your hysteria.

The guards nod, metal ringing in the room. They’ve been swept by your façade so easily, expecting that you truly were the kindest human there was to be, completely forgetting your behavior moments before. Their hands individually clasp their sides of the two doors, opening it and revealing an office mixed with a library, a low light pouring into your view.

“Thank you,” is all you say before you enter, the doors closing behind you.

Truly ignorant fools, you think with a gritted grimace, your hands gripping the sides of your dress with a vice-like grip, wanting to rip it from its seams, to destroy it—you want to end it. All of it. Whatever it is.

You take a step forward, like a robot, you remember the way to his corner, where his desk sat and where he sat in the dark like some villain. You remember the guards naturally, it’s not their fault, they aren’t the villains, they are also the pawns of this game, they are the ones beside you. They don’t notice the twitch of your eyebrow, the small details when you smile, your eyes don’t fully crinkle at the sides, your smile doesn’t quite reach your cheeks, they don’t notice it because they only play for the big picture, taking the big picture and making it smaller—and smaller, so the higher-ups can find it of worth or not.

It’s not the people’s fault either, you keep reminding yourself as you turn a corner, another bookshelf. Another corner you turn, this time a small table with a lit lantern and paper stacks arranged side to side. It’s not their faults.

You stand tall, fire burning at the tip of your tongue and your skull splitting into two, hellish images appearing in your thoughts.

That’s right—it was his.

The man—your ex-fiancé and now husband—sitting at his dark oak desk, two lanterns lit in the small, cramped dark, his eyes burning into the page he was looking at with books laid all around. His hair falling out of its perfected form and laying against his forehead.

“What were you thinking?” you snapped, glaring at him.

He’s crazy, he’s absolutely crazy, you believe, that dreadful, unknowing face looking up at you with disinterest, dreadful.

He puts his quill down, interlocking his hands together, and that smile of indifference shows up like magic, his eyes flare with an unknown fever while his elbows prop themselves on the desk.

“What ever do you mean?” he asks slowly, as if you were slow-witted. “Why the face? Did one of my servants happen to anger you?” His face, frowning in solemnity, makes you think he believes his words proudly.

What a dumb and fickle mind he has, you curse.

“No, you know what you did,” you snarled, a violent tone controlling your words before you could reword them. “I told you I wanted it annulled, to hell with it! Now tell me why I’m getting praised by all for being the next queen—Namjoon.”

Fuck your title—“Your Highness”.

“Well,” he begins, “for starters, come—sit, have tea with me. There’s no reason to be mad, I’ll explain myself.”

“Are you playing games with me? Do you understand that your title is on the line?” you shout, getting annoyed with his idiotic antics, as if playing dumb will grant you sympathy. Your feelings are anything but sympathetic.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying, love, and I don’t understand how my title is on the line?” he replies, smooth and eloquent words, although, you can see you’re getting to him. His white-gloved hands are tightening into each other, his shoulders stiff and on a defensive stance. “Enlighten me, sit.”

His hand gestures to one of the chairs, a table next to it with a teacup on a saucer. You can feel the fresh heat from whatever substance is inside that cup, he knew you were coming.

You scoff, standing your ground. “You know that I am not one of your candidates your parents had planned to marry, you know what I am to you—to this damned kingdom.”

“Yes, I understand, I knew,” he sighs. “But with a little convincing, I had made sure they knew I wanted—”

“Namjoon,” you interrupt. “It seems you’ve forgotten, or have chosen to forget.”

His head nods to one side, his patience cracking like that smile of his, eyes that dull with any passion he had before, and instead, replaced with utter hatred. “What did I choose to forget, love?”

You know that tone. The type he uses on others when he doesn’t feel like being disagreed with, one that doesn’t want trouble. It wants complete obedience.

“I wanted this for myself, myself. Namjoon, I don’t want this life,” you partially fumed and pleaded, your eyes weakening into a puppy-like face, edging upon tears. Yet, your tone was still cold. “You even agreed to it, you said you would tell your parents. Just annul it before its too late.”

Namjoon hums, his eyes soften immediately to your face, it always has as you rarely use it. He turns a bit in his chair, looking off to the side and tonguing his cheek, he seems to be in thought. And maybe you forgive him, a part of you wants to, however, the rest just wants it to be over with.

“I didn’t—exactly agree. I never said it. I only said I would announce it to my parents.”

Hatred builds.

“Now come, as I’ve said before multiple of times,” he adds the last part with a light voice, he's deemed that everything is solved. Teasing in a way. “You truly are one stubborn lady, all the more I love.”

Love? This is his love? This was prison, torture.

Stuck within this round-about of a conversation. You come up with the last bit of strength before you really wish death upon this man—and might even go through with it, even if it meant him killing you for trying such a thing.

Death didn’t sound that bad at the moment, compared to what is happening.

“I don’t love you,” you state harshly, “I never have, and never will.”

“Oh please, you can’t tell me you’ve never once thought about marrying me?” he says so lowly, his eyes going back to the papers, trying to conceal the anger and frown growing on his face, you know he is. He’s going to relent and you’ll be free. A sinister man he was, but also a man you’ve been with for years. He had to have somewhat of a heart.

“No. I love someone else—”

Namjoon laughs, a mocking chuckle leaving his mouth. “Don’t be silly—”

“I love someone else, Namjoon. I have no interest in a man like you.” Your eyebrows, by now, have furrowed enough that it was ingrained into your skull from the way it felt. “I never have. I’ve never once wished to be with you. I. Do. Not. Lo—”

You think you’ve finally got him when his face stresses forward enough it’s close to hitting the desk. Your dumb lie of having another lover was a last-minute choice if all fails and goes to hell, at least dig a deeper grave for your own pride.

Then, a hand reaches out and slams on the desk, you can hear something crack under the weight of his hand, the room moves with the noise, vibrating in between your layers and layers of padding for your dress. His head snaps up and you can see a vein appear on his neck, even if the cuff of his jacket covers most of it, you can see it.

The look in his eyes are not dull, are not quiet, are not interested. They’re inhuman. With a vehement glare burning through your flesh, twisting a contorted image within the dark orbs. And that frown twisting into a snarl.

“It seems you’ve forgotten!” he plays in a distant tone, and it’s one that sounds so oddly placed from his angered expression that it scares you, you don’t notice you’re shaking. “I know you—all of you, I know who is in your life, whom you see, whom you talk to. All of it.”

You instinctively take a step back.

“So let me just say, no more arguing, I don’t want to hear it,” he threatens. “If you say that one more time, those dreadful words—you don’t know what you’re saying, darling, really. And I’ll make sure you can never walk again. One way or another.”

“Namjoon. You are mad. You don’t know what you’re saying. Do you even hear yourself?”

“Although, I’ve got your attention now, haven’t I? You didn’t seem to hear me before,” he mocks. “But pain, you don’t care if it’s inflicted on you, and I’ll make sure it hurts. I’ll find whoever else, any being you’ve talked to; your father, your mother, your adorable siblings—they’d be a very nice addition as slaves—even those guards I heard you bickering with.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you say, a gasp leaving your quivering lips, goosebumps rising over your skin. He knew how much you adored your younger siblings.

“Oh, but I would,” he replies instantly, the anger in his eyes dissipate and they are once a void, again.

He watches you closely, you can feel his eyes roam your form, a small chuckle rising from him.

Images of your siblings being used as slaves, seeing them tend to the egotistic royals at such a young age, unconditioned with no resistance to horrid beings. Your servants and family burning at the stake like witches, others throwing their own sharp and bloodied weapons at them. Those guards, with their head down, waiting for their heads to fall before their body.

He was insinuating that their blood would be on your hands. You can’t imagine the guilt that would settle upon you if you ever had the fleeting idea to run away or kill yourself, or argue more.

You’re trapped again. It’s not his parents this time, it’s him.

“So,” he quiets down, the room that was blundering with energy was now light, the power he had felt equal again. “Let us sit and have tea.” No room for discussion as a white noise fills the room.

And you do.

That disgusting tea you hate so much, you finished within seconds.

(feedback is greatly appreciated! thank you for reading! 🧸❤️)

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arabellaaaas · 4 years

Text

Favourite Worst Nightmare

Part 3: D is for delightful

|An Alexander Turner x Arabella Davis fanfiction series |

Description: When two broken hearted meet, they try and hide their past. A story about two young adults whose pasts won't let them find happiness again in each other's arms right away.

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: Hello! Again, I do not own the gif. All Credits go to the amazing artist! If anyone wants to be tagged in here, tell me! Also, if anyone got suggestions, or constructive criticism, or anything to say at all about this, please let me know. I love interracting with people. Have a wonderful day 💕

A few days passed since Alex met Arabella. He somehow managed to get her to give him her phone number, but he still hasn't called her. Both Miles and Matthew were telling him continuously to at least text her. He kept on ignoring their comments, knowing that it is not the first girl that ever gave him her number, and most definitely not the last one. Still, he cannot lie about the fact that she has something that he finds alluring. Even if he makes it seem like it is nothing special, he found himself thinking about her multiple times in the last few days. He had been thinking about texting her and letting her know that he did not lose her number, but he also didn't want to seem like a complete idiot.

He was now sitting on the couch, staring at the light grey ceiling. He lighted a cigarette with the same steel lighter that he handed over to the girl that night. In his head he could see the little smile she had on her face when he stepped on to help. She was shorter than him with about fifteen centimeters, so when she tried to find his eyes, she raised her head a little. For whatever reason, Alexander found that little head movement really cute. Her black, messy hair that she tried to keep out of her sight the whole night, her small hands with slim fingers, her small nose that was right above her beautiful plump lips that had a dark red tint on them, her gestures and expressions, and of course, her sense of style made Alexander think of her a lot. It wasn't like he was falling in love because, as he always says "love is just a waste of time" and it would be unexpected for him to suddenly fall in love. He was repeating to himself that this is all going to pass and he will stop thinking about her, but then he was trying to find the perfect way to start a conversation. Matthew and Miles were both telling him to let her know who he is first, or even a simple greeting like "Hello!" or something, but it was not satisfying enough for him. Everything about her was delightful.

Her personality also seemed really interesting. She did not look like the ordinary type. Oppositely, she was exactly what the others weren't. And not only did she dress not caring about the latest trends, but she also was not behaving like the other girls that were surrounding Alex. There was something about her that made his eyes sparkle. "Snap out of it, Alex," he told himself, getting up from his seat. He pressed the cigarette on the bottom of the glass ashtray, then ran his hands through his hair, letting out one big sight. He decided it's best for him to take a shower to cool down a bit. He let the cold water run down his warm skin, giving him goosebumps. He always liked the feeling of cold things touching his skin. It felt refreshing, made him feel good.

He got out of the shower pretty fast. He threw on some clothes to spend the rest of the day in and headed back to the dark couch placed in the middle of his living room. He moved into this apartment almost seven years ago when he was still college. It was the last gift he received from his parents before they disappeared without any warning or explanation. He thought that they maybe got sick of him so they got him an apartment, paid for his college, and vanished as if nothing happened. He did not even need them to pay for his tuition cause he was already working at that time and he was earning enough money to pay for himself. He tried to come in contact with them, but he could not find them anymore. Alex then accepted what was happening to him, thinking that maybe that was how his life was supposed to go.

He sat down, looking at the black screen that was placed on the table in front of him. He could see his own reflection in it. He saw his messy wet hair that he then tried to fix a little. It was something he was always taking care of. His looks were important for him, especially his hair. His eyes then found their way over to the phone that sat next to him. Should he call her? Should he text her? He grabbed his phone and did what he thought was best for him to do.

_______

It was finally her day off work. She didn't have anything planned so she just went grocery shopping because, since she was working almost every day, she did not have time to buy anything. She was always eating at work so when she was coming home she was not really thinking about food. When she finally arrived home, she unlocked the door and walked in, almost out of breath. She had three big bags full of everything she needed. And the weather was not helping either. It was extremely hot outside, it felt like she was living in the middle of the desert. Not so long after her breathing was back to normal, she started unpacking everything carefully. She placed everything where it was supposed to go, leaving one bottle on the counter. The brunette quickly grabbed a towel from her room and went straight to the bathroom, letting the water run and gather in her bathtub. When she thought it was enough, she threw all her clothes away and jumped into the water, feeling much better. She felt the warmth leaving her body as if she was immersed in the water. Not only did she cool down her body, but also her mind. She left thinking that she might not find what she had to grab but came home thinking she bought too many things. All those thoughts left her head when another one popped up. Didn't she give her number to the guy she met at the bar a few days ago? Alexander Turner. If she did so, why didn't he call, or at least text? "What an idiot" she broke the silence, talking for herself. She came to think that he was really an interesting character. He was the type of guy to hit on girls at parties just to get them to shag, but he would not hit on everyone. But she questioned herself: "why did he hit o me, but did not make it look like he just wants to shag?". Which was true. Because he did not even try to kiss her, not even once. He was acting like a gentleman around her, but he clearly was not the one to pick up girls like this. Maybe she wasn't attractive enough, she thought. Or maybe he just wanted to befriend her and everything else was just in her head. But then, why did he offered to buy her a drink and never let her go out for a smoke alone? Was he just trying to be friendly? But if it was this way, he wouldn't ignore the other girls that were trying to get his attention. Also, he looked at her differently than he looked at anyone else.

"It is all in my head." She reasoned, getting out of the bathtub, putting on her white bathrobe. In about ten minutes, she got dressed and tried to get rid of the excess of water that she had in her hair by rubbing it with a towel. To try and forget about what she was thinking earlier, she played her favorite music and started cooking something. It has been some time since she actually cooked a full meal. She liked cooking. When she was little, she learned a lot from her grandmother. She and her sister would spend a lot of time over at their grandmother's house since their mom was busy selling illegal stuff for odd men. She decided to cook something easy and fast though because she was really getting hungry and did not have the patience to wait for things to be ready in more than one hour. While her food was cooking, she couldn't help but move her body on the beat of the music. She also started humming the lyrics of the songs she adored. The sun was setting and the last rays of sun were embracing her moving body.

The music kept on lifting up Arabella's mood until her food was finally ready and she put it on a plate in a fancy way so she doesn't feel bad for staying inside when she could be somewhere with Bree. She took the plate and placed it on the table standing in front of her sofa, then she grabbed a glass and poured herself a good amount of her favorite whiskey. Maybe drinking it by herself was not a good idea after all, but she didn't really care. She last drank whiskey a few days ago at that bar, with Alexander. While he was looking like a character from an angsty romance book she read in high school. With his slicked-back hair and his brown sharp eyes that were starring into the soul, every girl from that bar would want him. Yet he ignored them. The very first moment she saw him was stuck in her head for whatever reason. She couldn't lie to herself, the man was attractive. He was tall, with dark hair and also dark eyes, skinny but still muscular. His lips were thin but defined. Big hands and arms. The way he helped her light her cigarette was a really pleasant memory. Not to mention the way he was dancing around her, softly touching her moving body.

She didn't even realize she was done eating. She giggled at the idea that she didn't even realize how much time passed by her while she was thinking about some men she met days ago in a completely random moment. She didn't even take a sip from her drink. She stoops up to put her place in the sink and o her way back she brought her pack and lighter, grabbed her glass and phone, and went on the balcony to smoke while feeling the summer breeze through her hair. It was not healthy since her hair was still wet, but she took the risk anyway. She sat down on one of the chairs that she had there and covered her naked legs with a blanket she was keeping in there just in case she was feeling cold. She lighted her cigarette and then took a sip from her drink, which she was very pleased with.

The city was as busy as usual. Lights everywhere, people going back from home, teenagers walking around in groups laughing, cars going in both directions, dogs barking, everything was going per usual. She laughed a little, for no reason, she just felt like it. Then, her eyes moved over to her phone that sat right next to her leg. She noticed something: she had a notification. She was wondering who was it from since Bree was on her "date" or whatever she was doing with a guy she met. With a bit of curiosity, she picked it up and a number popped up with a small message right underneath it.

"Hi, Arabella! It's Alex. Just wanted to let you know that I did not, in fact, lose your number as you said I would, silly. What do you think about going for a drive someday?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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dokifluffs · 3 years

Text

Booping His Nose | Aone, Ushijima

Pairings: Aone X Reader (gender neutral), Ushijima X Reader (female)

Genre: soft 🥺 sweet fluff

Author’s Nose: im absolutely and utterly soft for Aone and his turt 🥺

Aran, Kenma, Atsumu // Nishinoya, Sachiro, Kuroo // Sakusa, Iwaizumi // Suna, Kageyama, Matsukawa // Tendo, Hinata, Bokuto // Yamaguchi, Osamu

gif from @rivaillerose

Aone:

A cool, early summer breeze blew by, making the plastic bags in your guys’ hands rustle as the two of you walked side by side, on the way toward his house

“‘Nobu, what are you gonna show me?” You asked for the nth time, though you knew you weren’t going to get an answer

“We went grocery shopping for these veggies…” you mumbled to yourself, taking a peek to refresh your memory

He held the bag with the heavier snacks that you guys would eat and share and you help the lighter bag of veggies, specifically spinach, carrots, and even a few kiwis

Was he going to make you something to eat?

He was only silent as he looked down to you, giving you a soft, silent smile as you guys turned onto the block, approaching his home

The only plans you were sure of was that you two were going to watch a movie or two tonight while and snack a bit, eat pizza

But oh well

You opened your mind, just going with the flow, not worrying much about anything as long as you spent some time with Aone

Stepping inside, you were greeted warmly by his parents before they left very shortly to head out to relative’s house

This time, he took care of the veggies and produce bag while you helped yourself to some snacks, sorting the others that you weren’t too interested in, away

You snacked, standing beside him as he washed the fruits, occasionally feeding him before he had to focus, cutting the fruits diligently but also into very small, small cube shapes

He plated them neatly, alongside the greens and that was when he took your hand

“I want you to meet someone very special.” He spoke matter of factly before he brought you to the sun room, setting the plate of veggies and fruits down before disappearing once again

But when he returned, it was like there was a sparkle in his eye, his hands holding something, though you couldn’t really see what

“Who is it?” You asked as he knelt down right beside you

“This is berry, my tortoise.” He opened his hands, revealing a small tortoise walking from his cupped hands, right toward the plate of deliciousness as fast as she could

“Oh my gosh, she’s so precious, Nobu,” you gasped as you laid lower, closer to the floor, as close as you could without startling her or anything

Aone smiled happily, seeing his two favorite beings together, finally meeting

He went through the story of how he adopted her, how he bonded with her, learned to take care of her

And now that you had gotten the chance to meet her, the three of you could grow and see her grow

Though she would be living far much longer than the two of you

You two knelt low in the sun room, watching her bite the small-cut fruit, taking mighty but tiny chops into the spinach leaves

She was just so cute but made a perfect acquaintance for him

You couldn’t even think about a movie as the two of you were much more entertained just by watching Berry eat her meal

Looking beside you to Aone, he watched her like anyone would want to be looked at by their loved on - almost like he was looking at her just like he was looking at you

With his chin resting in his hands while the two of you laid on your bellies, elbows propping yourselves up, you leaned over and pressed your finger to his nose

“Boop.”

And you knew for a long time that he never really was one to show emotions, but you had never seen his cheeks turn pink so fast while Berry walked in between the two of you

gif from @rivaillerose

Ushijima:

“Mm, this team was good,” Wakatoshi spoke stoically as ever as you leaned back into him, his arm draped over the back of the couch

Dinner had already been eaten and the night was very young

Though you did feel a little lethargic from how you were positioned

His abdomen providing you the perfect pillow, but his lap was even better as you laid yourself across from him

“What team?” You asked, turning to glance at the tv, suddenly seeing a closeup of hinata and kageyama

“Argentina,” he spoke stoically and that was when you remembered the game the two of you were watching

It was the pre-olympic qualifiers with the Japan team and the Argentina team, of course with Oikawa Tooru as their setter, a setter Wakatoshi highly approved of

You did your best to stifle a yawn, only for it to grow into an even bigger yawn

“Tired?” He looked down to you, resting his hand on your baby bump

“Mmhm,” you blinked slowly, bringing your hand to his, feeling his warmth

“Do you want to go upstairs? I can carry you.”

“Oh, no, no Toshi. I’m far too heavy for that but I just wanna stay here with you.” You adjusted, turning to your other side that faced the back of the couch, facing in to his stomach

It was so perfect

The couch supported your heavy belly, letting your back rest for the first time in awhile

You were right there besides your husband, able to smell his fresh body wash his hand now resting on your arm, stroking it as he continued to look down at you

“It would be no problem. I can carry you at any weight, so don’t worry,” his lips curled up a little, the tickling feeling of his thumb now on your cheek

“I wanna stay here with you,” you looked up to him, wrapping your fingers around the bottom edge of his shirt

“Alright, then.” He continued watching his game, rewatching the footage to prepare for the actual olympic games

When you first met him, Wakatoshi was even quieter, not really talking much unless asked to, and.. not slow per se, but he would have to ask about jokes as well as online trends

He was very focused on himself, doing things he knew would be the best for him and here he was

He was a lot more open with you, mostly because you two had been married and you were pregnant with your guys’ first kid

Things were for sure changing, life was changing and

You got to spend it with Wakatoshi

You further nuzzled your face into his abdomen, liking how warm it was, despite his strange it would sort of look to others if they just walked in and saw you rubbing your face into your husband’s stomach but you couldn’t help it but touch and feel him before he would be gone again and you would be alone and needy for him

He smelled so good, he was so warm

You could’ve, you wanted to fall asleep right then and there in his lap but there was something else that just didn’t want you to inside

Looking up to him, your eyes practically half open, he was so focused on the game, he had that face on, which was basically his everyday face, that you couldn’t tell what he was really thinking

But you just knew it was about the game

Reaching up, your rest your hand on his pec and shoulder, getting his attention

“Hm? Do you want to go upstairs?”

Giving him no answer, you simply reached over and pressed your finger to his nose, booping it

A look of confusion spread on his face for a moment before he did the same, slowly reaching over and awkwardly booping your nose too

You hummed, content for some reason that he had done it

“I’ll stay here with you,” you spoke softly, snaking your hand under the hem of his shirt, resting it on his lower back, a feeling he was very much used to at this point

Every touch from you, he was used to

“Alright then. Let me know when you would like to go upstairs and I will carry you, Y/N.” He ever so carefully pulled you closer, leaning to the side to pull the folded, light blanket to throw it over, draping it over your body

“M’kay,” you hummed, before finally reaching for his hand that rest on your arm, bringing it to your face so you could hold his hand, feeling him as you let yourself doze off completely

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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i-will-be-forever-yours · 4 years

Text

Cuts Run Deep

A/N: This one is pretty close to my heart. I have struggled with cutting and anxiety and depression for a while now. Some days it get’s to be too much, and that’s okay. However, I want to tell any of you who are struggling with depression or anxiety, you are not alone. Don't discredit yourself, for you are SO special. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate. I won’t judge you at all bc the truth is that this needs to be talked about more. We, as a society, need to normalize the need for help in the battle of mental illnesses. I’m here for you, as a person who has struggled themselves. It may seem like you are drowning, but there is a way out of this. I love you all. Thanks for reading.

Warnings: Couple curse words, talk of cutting and self harm and suicide. PLEASE don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. (TRIGGER WARNING)

Summary: Shawn and Y/n are so in love, but words can hurt and cuts run deep. Can Shawn bring her back and show how much he loves her???

Word Count: 2.5k

my masterlist

posted 4-4-20

not my gif

Shawn was in the studio this morning so Y/n thought she’d clean the house a bit. She had just gotten back from an overseas trip and was at home resting from all the lights and cameras. She was used to the photos being taken of her and the articles being written about her since she already had a name for herself in Hollywood, being an up and coming actress. That’s not to say that some of the articles about her didn’t sting, but she never thought she’d be so spitefully talked about when she started dating Shawn. The media truly had a field day at her expense, but she never told Shawn how she truly felt, wanting to spare his feelings because she knew how hurt he’d be if he found out what people were saying about her. Of course, he knew about the articles and tabloids, but he didn’t know of the snide comments she got from her coworkers or fans as she walked down the street. He didn’t understand how hurt she was, and she wanted to keep it that way. She couldn’t bear to unload her baggage on him, when he had so much he dealt with on a daily basis.

They met just under two years ago. It was pretty cliche, but to them it was truly was love at first sight. Rain was pouring down on the streets outside as Y/n ran to a small coffee shop to try and avoid the brewing storm. However, just as she was reaching for the door handle, she made contact with another hand. Pulling her hand back in surprise she looked up at this man. He had the warmest smile and the most beautiful eyes.

“I- uh,” she coughed, trying to clear her throat before continuing, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

Eyes shining bright, he said,chucking, “Well that makes two of us.” Holding the door open for her he followed her in. Once inside the safety of the cafe he introduced himself saying, “Hi, I’m Shawn,” while stretching out his hand to shake.

Looking at his outstretched hand and then back into his brown eyes she replied, “I know who you are. I’m a big fan of your music.” Slightly embarrassed, she took his hand and gave it a light shake before continuing. “My name is Y/n. Uh- Y/n Y/L/n.”

“No way! As in Y/n L/n the actress? I’ve seen a couple of your movies. You are so talented, especially in that murder thriller,” he gushed with flushed cheeks and a big smile adorning his face.

After ordering they sat down together and talked for over an hour, but it felt like a couple of seconds. Time flew by and next thing they knew they were exchanging numbers with the promise to meet up again. Now, almost two years later, they are living together and Shawn plans on proposing to her on their second anniversary. He has it all thought out, they are going to a romantic picnic and then going back to the coffee shop where they met. It will be there where he’ll drop to one knee and ask the question that’s been plaguing his thoughts for the past weeks.

However he is currently at the studio, as he’s been extremely busy finishing writing a song for her. It’s taken a toll on his stress, but he knows it’ll be worth it. He is really proud of the turnout and is ready to call it a day, after he finishes the last couple chords, to finally go cuddle with Y/n back home.

- At their shared home -

Y/n was content with the amount of cleaning she had done and decided to kick back and relax. She threw on one of Shawn’s shirts and sat in front of their large flatscreen in the living room. Lost in her thoughts after catching sight of the photo next to the tv. It was a picture of the two of them, looking at each other. They were completely smitten, and everyone knew it. Sure they had their disagreements, but so does every couple. Their love for each other was strong enough to know that they would always be there for each other. Even after the worst fights, in the end, they knew they’d be alright.

She was brought back when her twitter app notified her name being tagged in a tweet that was getting a lot of feedback. Opening up her phone she saw a hashtag trending that stated “#Mendes dump L/n”. She usually ignores things like this that pops up on her feed, but something prompts her to open it, and she later wishes she hadn’t.

It was just another thing that belittled Y/n and made her feel more insecure. It’s not the actual tweet which bothered her, but it was the comments from all the fans. So many people were jumping in and saying how ugly she was, or how she doesn’t deserve Shawn. She always grew up feeling like that. Never knowing if people were using her or whether people truly liked her or not. Since a very young age, she struggled with anxiety and inner demons. Her parents thought she made it up and constantly ignored her begging for medication to help her not feel like that anymore. She wanted something to calm her racing heart and needed relief from the anxiety that coursed through her veins, but no one heard her pleas. They fell to deaf ears. It got worse in high school when she started isolating herself. She would put up a mask to hide the depression and anxiety. It felt like no one saw who she truly was, but people liked the person she was with the mask. That mask started to become who she was.

It got so bad that she would cut herself. As the tears streamed down her face, she brought the razor to her wrist and would cut line after line into her soft flesh. She watched as the blood pooled out and felt a sense of calm, and now again she thought about it. She thought about the distraction and almost relief she felt from the pain that cutting brought. It felt like her problems left as the blood pooled out with the dark red. She wanted that relief again.

Getting up from the couch and going into the bathroom where she kept a razor, while in the back of her mind she told herself she was foolish for believing the lies that the people spewed, she held it with trembling hands. Then she remembered Shawn. The handsome man she’d fallen for, with a broad smile and the most generous heart. Then, remembering how he’d been spending more and more time at the studio. Maybe they were right and perhaps he needed someone more stable and beautiful by his side. Someone who could be confident with themselves, despite the dirt and shit people threw at her. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. So used to the emptiness, it felt like second nature to be in this position. It didn’t stop her from questioning her decision, but she knew she wanted the best for Shawn. Maybe, just maybe if she killed herself Shawn could find someone who made him happy, she thought.

Stripping out of her clothes and stepping into the shower with the razor in her hand, she let her tears mix with the pounding water. The water was burning her skin, but she didn’t even feel as it left her skin raw and burning. All Y/n felt at that moment was the emotional toll that years of scrutiny had left her. Her mind was cloudy and dazed and she held the sharp point to her wrist. Applying a little pressure, she winced when she dragged it across her skin. Blood almost immediately started to run out of the cut. Years of cutting left her with the knowledge of how deep to cut without leaving scars. Not starting off too deep was her plan, because she knew she had to build up to it. She cut again and again and watched as the blood escaped her tiny cuts. The cuts were light but her wounds ran deep. The pain was not external but was a raging storm within. It clouded her judgment and thoughts, to the point where she couldn’t feel anything but pain.

Her physical pain didn’t even phase her. She could only focus on the blood as it mixed with the water on the shower tile on the floor. Ragged, short breaths left her as Y/n thought about all the comments from the media and people. Falling back against the shower wall she clutched her wrist to her chest. She wanted it to end, the assault of the hateful words trashing in her head like a raging beast. Her thoughts were so overwhelming in her head that she didn’t hear Shawn calling her name.

- Shawn’s side-

Walking in the door, Shawn tosses his keys into the bowl by the entryway. Looking around he breathes out a deep sigh, letting out his stress. He was ready for this, ready to take the next step with the love of his life. So, as he made his way further into their shared home he wasn't even fazed when he heard the shower running. It brings about a sense of domesticity for him. However, his brows knit together when he hears cries coming from inside the bathroom. Calling out Y/n’s name with no response causes his heart rate to start picking up. Rushing in, he flings the door of the ensuite bathroom open and sees a sight that makes his heart break. There was Y/n, the love of his life, was sitting with her head down and her hands clutched to her chest. Moving closer, his heart pounds and his vision begins to spin at the sight red dripping down her left forearm.

Pulling open the shower door he stands dumbfounded as Y/n quickly looks up at him, with bloodshot eyes and a broken expression on her face. It wasn’t even her appearance that made his heart come to a crashing stop. No, it isn’t how her breath hitches in her throat or even the way she sits there on the floor of the shower looking up at him. It is what he sees in her hand, what he sees running down her arms. In those couple seconds, he realizes he needs to help her. So, grabbing the hand towel on the hook, he wraps it around her damaged wrists, careful to not cause too much pain in his attempt to catch the rapidly decreasing blood flow. Silence overtakes them as he dresses and tends to her arm. It’s a couple minutes before Shawn has the courage to speak up.

“I- uh, Love… Why did you do this?” he questions in a weak voice, once safely of the shower.

She doesn’t say anything, but instead falls into his body and cries. Wrapping another towel around her soaked frame, he wraps his arms around her to bring her closer. No words are spoken as he guides them to the bedroom and he holds her in his strong arms against his chest.

Y/n had her head against his chest, and something about the steady beat of his heart calms her. Just him being there calms the storm that rages war in her head. Her breathing has slowed and she feels better. Shawn looks down and sees she is now more relaxed. No longer are there tears or fear, but it has since been replaced with a look of emptiness.

With much trepidation, he speaks up saying, “Honey, tell me why. What made you do this? You know I love you so much. I-if I found y-you dead… I don’t know what I would do. You are the best thing to happen to me Y/n Y/l/n. Don’t forget that.”

Y/n looks at him, hearing the vulnerability in his voice. She nods into his chest and takes a few calming breaths before replying, “I just read a- some tweets that- um- that said you should break up with me. And I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t read things like that. But something about it reminded me of what I’ve been told my whole life. I don’t know, I guess I started to believe them. I mean with you at the studio a lot lately.” She started to ramble, “and that’s fine! I am not trying to be clingy. I was just thinking maybe there is a better person-”

“Stop. No, don’t say that love. You are the only right person for me. I knew that when I met you in the coffee shop that day. I’ve loved you since then. Okay? Don’t listen to their lies. If they cannot see that you are so loved, then that’s on them. You are so amazing and beautiful, and I love you so much. There is no one that I would rather be with. Okay- uh so, I had a whole big plan for this but I cannot wait any longer. I need you to understand how much I love you.” he stated before getting up and moving to their shared closet. She hears him rummaging around before she sees him coming out again.

“Y/n Y/l/n, you are so special to me. Your smile brightens my day and leads me back home in the craziest storms. There’s not a moment when you aren’t on my mind, and I want to marry you-”

“Shawn what-” she gasped in shock, quickly sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed, with the towel still wrapped around her soaked frame.

Bending on one knee, he grabs her left hand, conscientious of the bandaging, and in a voice thick with emotion he asks, “Y/n Y/l/n, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“I- I, yes! I love you,” she cries. However, her tears are for a completely different reason. He stands up and places the ring on her finger and kisses her. The kiss is slow and deep. It’s not like any other kiss they’ve shared, not after coming home from a party turned on, or even the first kiss they shared. No, this kiss is so symbolic, and emotional, and it’s not until they break for air do they come back from that bliss.

Once again laying upon the bed, with Y/n in Shaw's arms he whispers, “Who’d've thought that we’d get engaged with you only in a towel and in our bedroom?” He has a cheeky grin on his face, and she knows what he is implying. She chuckled with him before he continued, “We are going to have proper engagement. You need to act surprised too. All our family will be there and want to see your reaction. For now, how about I take care of that towel. We have a lot to celebrate.”

She looks at him and smiles, ducking her head into his neck. Nodding her head in a silent agreement, she starts to place small kisses onto the underside of his chin. He tightens his grasp on her and flips her so he’s hovering atop her. A smirk plays on his lips as he slowly pulls either side of the towel from around her. Yeah, the night has just begun.

_________

Please reblog and let me know if you liked it or if you hated it. Talk to me, and let me know your ideas for writing. Love you guys!

#shawn mendes imagine #angst #writing #imagine #shawn angst

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today-we-will-survive · 5 years

Text

The Purple Project

gif by @softjeon

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: fluff, some angst

Warning: none

Wordcount: 1.8K

Requested: anon

The door slams behind you, causing the others in the room to snap their heads up to look your way as you rush past in a blur of tears. You’re pretty sure you hear a few of them call your name but you ignore the voices, continuing into the kitchen even as you hear the front door open again.

“Y/N, wait!” Jungkook calls. “Please, just let me explain!”

You don’t want to hear it. You don’t want to hear his lame excuse this time, even though whatever explanation he has is probably true. It seems with every rumor you hear online, there’s always a counter argument. And even if the rumors aren’t true—which deep down you know they aren’t—you’re getting so sick of this life. You love Jungkook with every fiber of your being. But this is…too much.

“Y/N!” he calls again and then he’s there in the doorway, hands on the frame to stop his forward trajectory.

You want to run, don’t want to face him but for some reason you chose the kitchen, which only has one way in or out so instead you slump onto the floor and try to curl yourself into as small of a ball as possible. If you can lock yourself away somehow, you won’t have to face the harsh reality of secretly dating an idol.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Jungkook,” you say, your voice muffled by your knees as you press your face into them.

“Please just let me explain.”

“I don’t want an explanation, I just want to be left alone,” you say. “Please.”

Jungkook doesn’t respond for several seconds and at first you think maybe he left silently but then you lift your head again and he’s still there. His eyes downcast, teeth working his bottom lip, until finally he looks at you again, letting out a shaky sigh and then disappearing back into the living room. You let your head fall back down onto your knees, exhaling heavily to try and calm yourself down again. To add to the sadness and anger of seeing the latest, false dating rumors involving your boyfriend, you now have the guilt of being the cause of that defeated look you just saw on his face. It’s hard for you but you can’t imagine how much worse this is for him. Seeing articles like that and knowing there’s nothing he can do to stop them or to keep them from happening. Ugh, you feel like a jerk.

“Y/N?”

You look up this time to see Namjoon standing in the doorway. Quickly, you swipe your hand under your nose. “Hi,” you crack eliciting a gentle smile from the leader and he steps toward you. You’re about to get up when he takes a seat right there on the floor in front of you.

“You know those rumors were false, right?” he asks. “Kookie would never do anything to hurt you like that. Not to mention the rest of us wouldn’t let him do something so stupid.”

“No I know,” you utter. “I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. I just wish the media would back off.”

“Unfortunately that’s how it is in this world,” he says. “And I don’t blame you for wanting out of it.”

“I love him though, Joonie,” you say, your voice coming out in a whisper as you feel your throat beginning to tighten again.

“I know,” he says gently. “Maybe it’s time you take this relationship public then,” Namjoon says. “The other dating rumors will stop at least.”

You let out a pathetic laugh. “You think the onslaught will stop if this comes out? It’ll only get worse. My face will be out there for everyone to see. And what about Army? What about the backlash I’m going to get from them for stealing their precious maknae?”

A warm smile spreads across Namjoon’s lips, his dimples denting his cheeks and he reaches forward to run his hand over your hair fondly. At last it rests on your cheek. “I think you underestimate Army, Y/N,” he says. “They will love anyone that makes one of our members as happy as you make Jungkookie. True Army will accept you and root for you. Sure there are fake ones and sometimes, they’re the ones that yell the loudest.” You dip your head at this, the fear coming back like a punch to the gut. “But,” he continues and you lift your eyes again. “For every one person that has something negative to say, there are a thousand that will stand behind you and support you and fight for you. Not to mention, you have the seven of us to protect you.”

You sniff hard and smear your tears away from your face before looking back at the leader. He always seems to know how to talk you down. “Thanks, Joonie,” you finally say, your voice cracking and hoarse.

Namjoon gives a nod. “Of course, Y/N,” he says. “But don’t forget the person who loves you the most. Probably more than Army or any of the rest of us could put together.”

Ah right.

“I should go talk to him,” you whisper.

“Probably,” Namjoon says then stands up and holds a hand out to you. You take it and let the boy pull you to your feet. “I know it’s hard, this whole idol world, but you have an entire, literal army behind you, Y/N. And you have us, and you have Jungkookie.”

Instead of responding, you fall forward and wrap your arms around his middle, squeezing him as if he may disappear if you don’t hold on tight enough. “Thank you,” you say again, this time your words muffled by his shirt.

You feel a big hand press warmly to your back and his chest vibrates as he hums. “Now go talk to him. Don’t forget he’s hurting as much as you are.”

“Right,” you say and pull back again. “I’ll go do that then.”

The walk back out of the kitchen is hard, your footsteps heavy with the weight of knowing your boyfriend is feeling guilty for this whole thing that isn’t his fault. But with every step, you can feel the weight lifting, the sadness becoming determination. You can make this work. You’ll fight for this relationship with every fiber of your being. You deserve it. Jungkook deserves it.

When you get back into the living room, the other members seemed to have cleared out, leaving Jungkook alone sitting on the couch. His eyes are red but his mouth is spread wide into a smile, and you can’t help feeling suddenly confused when he gestures for you to come over.

“There’s something you need to see,” he says, his eyes sparkling.

This only confuses you more. In fact, by this point you’re honestly a little scared. “What’s going on?” you ask as you sit down beside him.

Jungkook turns his head to look at you. His lips are red, his lashes sticking together, eyes shining. He always looks so heartbreakingly beautiful when he’s been crying. “You have to see this, Y/N,” he says quietly, his voice lower than normal. Then he holds his phone out so you can see the screen and starts playing a video.

It’s a live stream from a few nights ago. The night before their most recent concert. All seven of them are crowded around the camera, Jungkook in the middle.

“There’s something Jungkookie has been wanting to tell you all,” Namjoon says on the video. “but he’s been afraid of what your response will be.”

Comments stream down the side, all pleading with him to tell them his secret. That they love him no matter what. That they’ll support him no matter what.

“Why don’t you go ahead, Kookie?” Namjoon asks with a knowing smile.

Jungkook, on the video, looks down at his hands, his mouth curling into a shy smile from the sudden attention. “Well,” he starts. “I’m kind of, in love.”

Purple hearts flood the screen at the confession along with comments of all different languages in all caps and littered with exclamation points. His smile spreads wider at this outpouring of support and he shifts in his seat, sitting a bit taller now that the initial confession is out.

“I’ve been with her for a little while now and I know she’s scared of revealing who she is,” then his expression darkens for a split second. “And I don’t blame her.” But then he brightens again and smiles at the camera. “But I wanted to show her how much support she has and that she has nothing to be afraid of. Right Army?”

More comments pour in, every one expressing how much they already love you for making their boy happy. Then the video ends.

“Well, that’s a relief,” you say with a small laugh as you blink back more tears.

“It’s not over yet,” Jungkook says then scrolls to the next video and presses play.

It’s Jungkook’s view from up in the air at one of their concerts as he flies over the crowd during Euphoria. The amount of people at these arena concerts has always blown you away, but seeing it from his view is breathtaking. So many people, their eyes on him.

“Y/N, look,” he whispers from beside you.

His voice echoes through the speaker, then there’s a pause just before he hits the high note.

As if by magic, the blue tinged army bombs begin to change to purple, only a few at a time throughout random parts of the audience as if they’re no longer being controlled by the staff but manually by the ones holding them. Before long, the entire arena is filled with purple lights and you hear Jungkook laugh.

“What is this!?” his voice echoes through the speaker but he quickly recovers, continuing the song as he flies above the sea of purple. The video ends and you sit back.

“I don’t get it,” you whisper.

“I didn’t either,” Jungkook says softly but then opens his twitter app. “Until I saw this. Look at what’s trending.”

“What’s #ThePurpleProject?” you ask reading the hashtag partway down the list.

In answer, Jungkook clicks on it and suddenly the feed is flooded with tweets about the concert and the purple army bombs and Jungkook and…you? Well, not you specifically since no one knows who you are but tweet after tweet is expressing support for the two of you, referring to you as JK’s Euphoria. As Army’s euphoria.

“So those purple lights were in response to your announcement the night before,” you say as the pieces start falling into place.

“It’s a message, Y/N,” he says, beaming when you look up to meet his eyes. “Army did that for us. They did it for you.”

“Think they’d want to finally meet me?” you ask shyly, your eyes once again lowering to his screen to look at the tweets.

“I think they would.”

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samshafaghi · 3 years

Text

How CNN's John King Is Using His Magic Wall After The Election

Family Dinner Options

John's wife and kids watch as he enters their home address into Google Maps on the magic wall, then uses his fingers to zoom out. Multiple restaurants in the area are flagged with red pins.

Well, we're all familiar with the Applebee's over in Dekalb County. Dekalb County as everyone knows has three Applebee's locations, that's a net gain of two locations since 2016. But in 2018, they lost our business to the Cheesecake Factory right here in Fulton County. Their food portions were massive. If you recall, we brought a ton of it back home and ate it the next day. But we also had to wait 1 hour to be seated - not ideal, as the large turnout isn't favorable for us. It doesn't appear that another visit to Cheesecake Factory is on the cards.

Instead, we shift our attention to Gwinnett County, where there's a new Red Robin that has surged in popularity the last few days in our household. This could be the next big one, folks. And no surprise that this comes after our disappointing outing to Chilli's last week in Cobb County. Chilli's in Cobb was a surefire success in 2008, and 2012, but failed to capture that same young generation in 2016. It's still too early to call, and we want to take our time here. I understand we're hungry. We have to let the process play out. But based on recent trends and the latest data, if you're a Red Robin fan, you've gotta be pretty happy right now...

John's family sneaks out of the room. Not realizing they're gone, he just continues to yammer away. Vacation Destinations

John gathers his family around the magic wall and opens up Google Earth.

Well look, here's the facts - in 2018, we went to Barcelona. Our last trip. Barcelona is in Catalonia. As we know the President of Catalonia at that time was Quim Torra. A bit of a wild election because Torra was elected when the Spanish courts blocked the other three candidates. We spent a majority of our time in the populated Barcelona region, like over here at the landmark Ciutat Comtal. We enjoyed a nice walk through this section over here, at the beach of La Barceloneta towards Port Olimpic. We also did branch out to rural areas and landscapes, populated by the mostly blue collar workers in the Girona and Lleida regions, which had massive turnouts in the regional elections of 2015.

But due to a rise in busy schedules in our household, along with a seismic shift in how we want vacations to feel like, the "10 day tropical resort" option is the frontrunner. Now we all remember the debacle of Cousin Mark's destination wedding in Cabot, where two unnamed family members got drunk and threw up in the pool. But heading back to that region with just our family is not only doable, but also economical. We can try Bermuda, which is over here, or maybe Turks and Caicos over there.

John looks away from the wall. Day has turned into night. His family, exhausted, has passed out on the couch. Buying Ikea Furniture

With his wife waiting in the car, John pulls up the IKEA floor map on the magic wall.

OK, so if we look over here, the dining table sets are on the first floor in the right hand corner. These are your Mörbylångas, your Skogstas, and your Möckelbys. Now if we tap on the Mörbylångas, you'll see it has one five star review on the IKEA website. Pretty high rating, but can you purchase something based on one review? Well, we have to be patient. It's still too close to call, so we have to go there and inspect. Next on this floor, if we just scroll through here, there's not much - we don't need any of these Hemnes bookshelves, or the storage combination units like the Bestå, or the sturdy Kallax. We can just walk through here, but it may be difficult. Usually there's a large amount of foot traffic through this area. I'm just gonna circle it and you can see, hour by hour as the magic wall data will show you, that it rises exponentially after store opening.

John's wife begins honking the horn multiple times. She gives up and drives off. Social Media Drama

On the magic wall, John opens a browser with multiple tabs.

Here we have the Facebook profile of Shirley open. Shirley is a trusted family friend. We know this as we've known her for 30 years. She dropped a bombshell by posting disproven claims about the election with the hashtag #stopthesteal. It has 15 reactions and over 200 comments. In the business we call that getting "ratio'd".

So let's scroll through some of these comments here. Here's one from Mark. Zooming into his profile picture, it's clear he's wearing Oakley sunglasses and he's taken the picture in his car. His comment: "Biden sucks balls #MAGA". So when you put it all together, that's not surprising coming from Mark. He's a surefire supporter of Shirley's recent post, no question.

I should also point out a lot of these comments are GIFs. We'll just scroll through them quickly here. Here's one from the 1996 film "A Very Brady Sequel," in which Marcia Brady says to Jan Brady, "Sure, Jan." By the way, that film earned 21 million against its 15 million dollar budget. Not a great return, but it did spawn that GIF so maybe not all was lost there. And then there's about 25 comments here that are 7000 words each. We obviously can't read them all, but they mostly contain a roundup of all the misdeeds by the now former President. And I'm just now seeing another 5 comments have been added, taking our total to 205. We'll keep monitoring this situation as it unfolds.

John's wife can only shake her head. She apologizes to her dinner guests. Annual Check-Up

The Doctor is astonished as John has somehow set up his magic wall in the office. A 3D model of John's upper body appears on screen.

Now, Doc, let's look up top at the respiratory system here. Check out this evolution of my lungs over time. Here they are in 2008. They look good, right? That was a watershed year, when I first got this magic wall. And then here they are again in 2012. A bit more collapsed. And that starts to become a trend. Then in 2016, it looks even worse. You said it's because I never stop talking and then you gave me a puffer that year to help control it, which ended up working pretty well. Here's a snapshot of my lungs now, in 2020. Clear as a bell.

But here's a new issue. Let's move up to my head. Let's open up the top of my skull and look at my brain. There it is. As you can see, the cerebral cortex region is just completely inflamed. You can see the color there - it's totally red. But if you look at this image from before I got my magic wall, in 2007, that same region blue. It looks normal. In 2012, however, that blue started to fade away. Clearly my cerebral cortex was flipped red - what caused this? Well, let's try and find the answer. There's a battleground situation happening here.

The Doctor writes John a prescription for Zoloft, Ambien, and horse-grade tranquilizers. In The Bedroom

John stands beside his magic wall, wearing just boxers. His wife, on top of the covers and dressed in lingerie, looks defeated. An overhead shot of their bed is shown on screen. Now honey, before we start, I just wanted to point out two key battleground areas. First, right here in the middle of the bed. This is the spot where we get into our usual position. Back in 2012, you wanted me to be on top. But in 2016, you wanted to be on top. Will there be another swing this year in 2020? Well, based on your recent trip to the chiropractor for back pain, I think it's not a total shock if it does indeed slip. Right now it's too close to call, but we'll see how things play out through the night.

Another key battleground - over here, in your nightstand drawer, are the handcuffs. You've tried numerous times to incorporate them into our love making to spice things up. Well, we can now project that I will once again refuse to wear them. This was a safe projection as I'm not yet comfortable with this particular kink. However, there was a significant effort at the grassroots level to flip this decision, and as a result, it was a lot closer than in previous years. Wolf, over to you.

Wolf Blitzer, hiding in the closet, steps out and banters with John. John's wife falls asleep.

#short story #humour #election #biden 2020 #magic wall #cnn #politics #political humor

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expelliarmus · 4 years

Text

I saw that ask meme with questions for gif makers going around, but I felt like answering them all on my own lmao

1. What are your top 3 favorite sets you’ve made

This one, this one (if the timing works lmao), and this one (I’m so proud of my AU gifsets... where did all that creativity go??)

2. What is your least favorite set you’ve made

I honestly don’t know... I don’t think I hate anything I’ve posted though. If I don’t like how it’s turning out, I just won’t post it lol

3. Which of your sets has the most notes

The most notes ever is this one I think

4. A set that flopped but deserved better

I don’t know... there’s a bunch, but I’m fine if a gifset flops

5. What is your favorite movie/TV show to gif

DOCTOR WHO

6. What is your least favorite movie/TV show to gif

I really don’t gif anything else lmao...

7. Who are your top 3 gif makers

I’ll just pick 3 people off the top of my head :) @shatner, @melodyspond, @stupidape

8. What gif trend do you hate

The pale/black and white gifs that are so hard to see.......

9. What/who inspired you to start making gifs

I wanted to gif my favourite parts of DW that I didn’t see anyone else doing, so I was like alrighty, time to learn how to do this!! I think the people that inspired me are long gone from tumblr, or I’m no longer following them because they’ve moved blogs (Natasha aka lumos-maxima... wherever you are, I MISS YOU... also Courtney aka needlebug I MISS YOU TOO)

10. What was the first gif you ever posted

THIS ONE! I remember being so happy about posting it, haha. Also, I still love that Confidential episode so much. I miss my space hipsters...

11. What is that one set you made that just won’t die

The Zoboomafoo one

12. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever giffed

Everything I’ve ever posted

13. Where or from whom did you learn how to gif

Various tutorials on here and just by experimenting. I don’t even think I used Photoshop to begin with, since back in my Neopets days I used Paint Shop Pro to make graphics so I think that’s what I used first to try making gifs of videos.

14. How long does it usually take you to make a set

45 minutes to an hour or so?? It’s been taking longer and longer because the screencaps are so huge though and my poor laptop can’t handle it.

15. Have you ever had gifs stolen and reposted

Yes, and don’t think that I can’t tell when those are my gifs, even without a watermark!!

16. How long have you been making gifs

Since 2011...... my god

17. 10 sets, 8 sets, 6 sets? How many gifs to you prefer in a set

As many as it takes!!!!! But usually between 6-8

18. For the aesthetic, for the laughs, or for the feels what your preference

For FUN!

19. What is your gifting process like

Open video, find scene, screencap, load screencaps in Photoshop, resize to gif dimensions, add colouring, curse myself for picking a hard-to-colour scene, continue adjusting colouring and become increasingly frustrated because it’s not turning out the way I want it to, give up, add text, save gif, POST!

20. Mac or PC

21. PSDs or original coloring for each gif

Original colouring. PSD who???

22. What fandom/movie/show/person etc do you gif the most

DOCTOR WHO and more specifically, David Tennant... I think his tag has the most :’)

23. What is the thing you gif when you don’t have anything else you want to gif

Any episode with Ten and Donna, or The Eleventh Hour, or the Day of the Doctor, or Blink

24. 480p 720p 1080p? What is the minimum quality you’ll gif from

I used to be all good with giffing 480p back in the day, but I guess now it’s 720p since the gif limits have gone way up.

25. Old dimensions or new dimensions and why

New dimensions because they look nicer on the dashboard.

26. How many un posted sets are in your drafts right now

ZERO.

27. Have you ever made a set, decided you hated it and deleted it? What was it

Probably at least one or twice, but I don’t remember.

28. Have you ever posted a set, regretted it and immediately deleted it

No, I don’t think so. I’m leaving my mistakes there for all to see!

29. Have you ever posted a set, realized you made a mistake later but it was already too late

Yes, I did this just the other day with that Missy, Bill and Nardole set. I got the dialogue slightly wrong lmao..... shh

30. How frequently do you like to post

I try to do at least one gifset a day if I can!

31. Do you schedule/queue posts or do you post right after you’re done

Right away. These gifsets are fresh off the grill.

32. What is your favorite tool/adjustment layer in Photoshop

Selective Color or Color Balance

33. Do you like to/can you make edits and graphics too or only gifs

Yes, I can do both but gifs are way more fun imo

34. A set that took you a long time/was really hard but you’re really proud of how it came out

I’m gonna say this one again because I was so proud of it when I made it, and I can’t believe I used to put that much effort into my gifs.

35. Do you change your giffing style a lot or do you have a set routine

I have a routine, as described above. My gifs are pretty much all made the same way as I describe in my colouring tutorial too.

36. Do you gif with something specific in mind or do you just wing it

Usually a mixture of both. I like to try to gif a different Doctor each day, so I’ll know who I have in mind but I’m not planning on a specific episode. I’ll just open up one of their series and go from there!

37. What sets if any do you have planned to make in the future

Idk, I was thinking of doing yet another gifset with Donna in it since I just finished her Big Finish series... but maybe I’ll do one with Eleven and the Ponds??? We’ll see.

38. What are you really excited to gif that isn’t out yet

The next Doctor Who holiday special?? :D

39. How often, if ever, do you delete old sets that you don’t like anymore

Never!! I love seeing how my gifs have slowly changed and improved over time.

40. Why do you make gifs

Because it’s fun, and it’s a way for me to relax after a long and busy day at work.

41. What is your least favorite part about your gif making process

When it takes forever for my screencaps to load, and when it takes forever for my gifs to save sometimes

42. How is your gif folder organized? Is it organized at all?

Lol nope.

43. Do you keep videos forever or delete them once you’re done giffing

I keep the episodes forever, but honestly I think I keep everything forever because I forget about getting rid of the other stuff like trailers and interviews... I should go through my downloads folder.

44. Ever had a gif become a meme? Would you like that if you haven't

I’ve had people use my gifs as reaction gifs and it is a weird feeling, especially seeing the gifs being used on websites other than tumblr. I remember seeing one of my gifs used in someone’s book review on Goodreads and I was like “WAIT THAT LOOKS FAMILIAR!!”

45. Ever gotten hate over a set

Not really hate, but I do get a lot people that are like “WHERE IS ______?” in their tags. And sometimes I just want to be like “Make your own gifs if you think they should be there!!!”

46. Ever gotten a really sweet compliment over a set

Yes :’)

47. Any advice for novice gif makers/people who want to start making gifs

Don’t give up!! Make gifs of whatever makes you happy, don’t worry about the notes too much, and use your tags! KEEP PRACTICING!

48. How would you describe your giffing style

I don’t know??? If someone else has a way to describe my style, then please let me know haha

49. How much would you say you’ve improved since you first started giffing

It’s been almost 9 years since I’ve started, so I hope I’ve improved quite a bit! :P

Well, that was fun. Congrats on making it to the end of this post!!! Now I will go make a gifset.

#personal #i hope the read more works for mobile people lol

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squirrelly831 · 4 years

Text

Miscarriage [Youngjae, Jongup, and Junhong]

If it wasn’t obvious, this is angst. Eventually I’ll need write a fluffy daddy!au for B.A.P haha I feel like I’ve only written angst daddy!au for them… The parts will be linked at the bottom of this reaction.

Enjoy~~

Youngjae

Everything had gone so perfect that Allison still didn’t understand how or why it happened. Youngjae left her happy and healthy at eight weeks. He had insisted that he could push back his tour, but Allison refused. She could man the fort alone while he was away for a couple of months.

During her pregnancy, she would have spotting that her doctor told her time and again was normal in the first trimester. So, she didn’t worry too much. Until one day while she was home with her friends who came out to visit her. Allison had a basket of clothes to wash and she missed a step. She let out a scream as she fell down the stairs which caused her friends to rush her to the hospital.

She was prepared to see a regular doctor as she got moved into a hospital room after being seen for other injuries. Allison came out basically unscathed minus a concussion. However, when she saw her obgyn doctor enter, the color in her skin left her. “What’s wrong with the baby?”

Her doctor approached her, “I’m just here to check something the doctor wanted to get a second opinion on.” A nurse pulled in an ultrasound and her doctor lifted her gown to get to her stomach. She put the gel on her stomach and put the probe on her. Her doctor dragged the probe around her belly once, then again slower than the last, and then one last time taking a few movements at a time. “Can you come back to my office next week?”

Allison nodded slowly, “I can… but what’s going on?”

Her doctor let out a breath, “I believe you’ve had a silent miscarriage, but I need to do a different scan to confirm it.”

Allison’s eyes widened, “What? Silen–oh god… Was it because of my fall?”

“No no no” her doctor spoke up immediately, “I hate to say, this happens a lot more than I care to admit. About 20 percent of women have a silent miscarriage. The baby just stops growing, but the body believes that it’s still carrying a baby.”

That night, Allison called Youngjae and told him what was going on. He didn’t hesitate to cancel his tour and rush back to his wife’s side. He was heartbroken of course, but he didn’t want to add to her stress.

When he arrived home, Allison had only beaten him moments before as her friend took her home. The moment Youngjae saw Allison on the couch, he ran to her side. Allison stared at her growing stomach with bitter resentment. “Alli…”

“It just keeps growing” she hissed. “It’s like it is mocking me… As if it’s just trying to hurt me” her voice shook. Youngjae took her in his arms and she kept rambling. “Just make it stop… There’s no baby… There’s nothing.” Her eyes watered as she continued to talk.

The next week came and went. Allison’s doctor confirmed that Allison had a miscarriage. The baby had shrunk in size and Allison agreed to have a d&c surgery to empty out her womb. She couldn’t handle watching her stomach continue to grow through the rest of the pregnancy.

After the surgery, Youngjae was by Allison’s sleeping figure trying to figure out what could have gone wrong. The pregnancy was going so well, so what could have caused this tragedy to happen?

Jongup

It had been a month since Maddy had her miscarriage and the pain was still very fresh and very real. She was still affected by it all and though her husband, Jongup, seemed fine, he was heartbroken. Whereas Maddy would be found weeping or screaming in frustration, Jongup was calm and collected. He helped rebuild her.

What Jongup didn’t understand was that Maddy wasn’t just upset because of the miscarriage, but because Jongup began to push her away. Physically, he was there with her. He would hold her and kiss her and tell her comforting words, but emotionally Jongup seemed to have vanished. His words weren’t loving just neutral. Maddy believed he blamed her for the miscarriage.

Her suspicions only grew when she called Daehyun since Jongup hadn’t been home in a few days. Daehyun told her that Jongup took a leave from work and hadn’t been in for weeks. He offered to call Jongup, but Maddy refused. She had an idea where she could find him, so she grabbed her keys and set off to find Jongup.

The cool air from the beach blew around her as she walked through the sand. Maddy took in the salty water smell and smiled as a weight slowly lifted off her back. She spotted Jongup on a pier looking off at the water. She went to call for him as she approached, but she saw the tear stains on his cheeks. Maddy said nothing as she approached him from behind. Her fingers grazed the side of his shirt before her arms engulfed him from behind and linked around his abdomen.

Jongup jumped at the sudden feeling and he craned his head to see the top of Maddy’s head, “love…”

“I’m mad at you.” Maddy whispered. Jongup turned fully to face her, “You keep acting like you’re okay, but I know you’re not. I’m your wife. Why can’t you just tell me instead of disappearing for days on end.” A tear fell down her face and Jongup wiped it away. “If you’re mad at me for the miscarriage just say it… yell at me… Just tell me you hate me and I’ll understand.”

Jongup licked his lips as he tried not to cry again, “I’m not mad at you. You didn’t cause this, babe. I could never hate you.” His voice crack, “I love you.”

“Then why are you pushing away from me? We’re supposed to support each other. We’re suppose to mourn and heal together, but you’re shutting me out.” Jongup said nothing as he just pulled Maddy to him tightly. She felt him tremble and sniffle. “Don’t push me out anymore… We promised to always be there for each other.” Jongup said nothing as he pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

Junhong

The worse way to find out about a miscarriage was through the news and that was exactly how Junhong found out about Kiara’s miscarriage. She had two miscarriages in the past and the doctors could never figure out the cause. However, this pregnancy seemed to be better. She was four months in and it was the furthest one by far. The baby and Kiara were healthy and everything was just perfect.

At first, Junhong didn’t feel comfortable leaving to Europe for a small tour, but Kiara insisted that he went. She had a lot of friends in Seoul and she knew she’d be fine. So, Junhong headed to Germany, but kept constant updates on his wife.

Then one day, Kiara was chilling with Christian Yu, a friend of Junhong and hers. She was on Instagram Live with him as he worked on a track. Kiara spent time answering some questions.

Christian looked at the comments and read a few, “These ones ask why do you look sick?”

Kiara let out an awkward laugh, “I haven’t been feeling too good the past couple of days. I had a fever, but it broke. I’m still getting better.” She flashed a peace sign to the camera before she snuck off to play with Lori. Kiara grabbed a toy and threw it for Lori. She felt a sharp pain and she grabbed her stomach in a panic. Alarmed the fans began to ask more questions. She felt blood between her legs and she felt sick.

Christian looked at the comments and whipped back to see Kiara, “Ki-ki, are you okay?” He watched her eyes rolled as she collapsed, “Kiara!” He grabbed his phone and ended the live to call the ambulance. “Kiara! Hey! Kiara wake up!”

Junhong woke to missed calls by Christian, but he didn’t think anything of it until he looked at his Twitter. He noticed his name and Kiara’s name trending on Twitter and things like get well Kiara and pray for Kiara. Junhong felt like his heart stopped as he read through the comments. However, he was interrupted when Christian’s number flashed on his phone. “Hello?”

“Junhong! Fucking finally!” He let out a shaky breath, “I’ve been trying to reach you all night.”

“What’s wrong with Kiara?”

Christian fell quiet, “How’d you–”

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY WIFE?”

“Fuck… Twitter… Junhong, you need to get here fast. She needs you. They said the baby is stillborn…”

Junhong didn’t need to be told twice. He explained to the other performers why he had to drop and he rushed back to Seoul. Before he got back, Kiara had the a c-section to remove their baby boy. When he got to the hospital, he saw Kiara holding their stillborn son. She held his lifeless body close to her as she looked up at Junhong. He approached his wife and son and he cried as he looked at how peaceful his son looked.

“Isn’t he beautiful…” She wept. Junhong held onto Kiara as he reached out and touched his son’s tiny face. “Why can’t he just be asleep? I just wanted to hear him cry once… A laugh… something… This is cruel.” Of all the miscarriages, this one was by far the hardest and most painful of all for the both of them.

Part I

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

♕ REQUEST

☮ B.A.P MASTERLIST

∞ ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

#kpop #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #b.a.p.#b.a.p scenarios #b.a.p reactions #bap #bap reactions #bap scenarios #youngjae #youngjae scenarios #youngjae reactions #jongup #jongup scenarios #jongup reactions #junhong #junhong reactions #zelo #zelo reactions

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

Text

Did Micheal Introduce Mia to Darren at Trevor Live 2012?

CCers look at the world through the lens of Conspiracy-Colored Glasses. No matter which path they go down down while investigating everything CrissColfer, they always end their probe declaring they have found proof their trope is forever.

It takes excellent research skills and an exceptional ability to draw logical and accurate conclusions in a study where you purposefully limit your source material to pubic social media posts. The accuracy of this model is further limited by their refusal to consider primary sources aka Darren and Chris’s own words...or even secondary sources aka their friends’ words. Instead, they analyze the social media posts mostly of secondary sources and each other- mostly of each other-discount anything the friends say- and concoct their own. theories always leading to CrissColfer is real.

The CC fandom have written an endless supply of theories, reactions, tropes and bullshit from which they draw their conclusions. They literally reject ALL of Darren’s words and most of Chris’s. In fact, they spend a large amount of their time and energy fabricating ways to erase Darren’s truth.

Trevor Live 2012 is a perfect example of the problems with how this group of conspiracy theorist arrive at a “truth”.

You can read the entire comment thread here if you have a few extra brain cells you are willing to spare. Otherwise let’s go straight to the part that I am talking about: @flowersintheattic254 has a long list of “facts” about Chris and Darren being in the same place at the same time. She ends with this:

However can you please apply your simple logic to the video below for me.

Fact - they were supposedly had been in a relationshit for 2 years at this point with her recently having moved to LA a few months earlier so they should have been pretty loved up at this point. Yet they look like strangers when introduced to each other by AB at what was an LGBT event (trevor 2012). Please anon apply your ‘logical reasoning’ to this.

Gladly

The video Flowers presented:

This edit is a small portion of 2 hr and 19 min video of the red carpet at Trevor Live 2012 hosted by What’s Trending. You can watch the entire video here.

The CC edit (above) shows Shira Lazar and Tyler Oakley interviewing Justin Bartha from The New Normal ( 1:34:00 mark of the original video). Darren and Adam Shankman have just finished their interview with Shira and Tyler. Left to right we see Shira, Justin and Tyler. Between Justin and Shira, we can see Darren speaking with his publicist Michael. Mia is standing against the wall, directly behind Justin, with her arms wrapped around herself and her ankles crossed. Darren and Michael are focused on something to their left (the right side of the screen to us). Michael turns, says something to Darren and reaches his arm out toward Mia. Darren turns and walks toward her. As he steps toward her, he takes his left hand out of his pocket and begins to reach toward her but drops his hand before he touches her. Mia’s arms remain wrapped around her body the entire time.

The CC fandom believes this video accidentally caught Michael introducing Mia to Darren. They claim that Michael introduces Mia and Darren reaches out to shake her hand. Let’s ignore the fact that Darren and Mia had been dating for 2 years at this point-as ajw mentioned above- and let’s simply analyze whether Darren is shaking her hand. First of all, the entire thing happens behind Justin so we can’t see him shake her hand. But what is important to consider is that when Mia is visible before and after the moment he allegedly shakes her hand, Mia has both of her arms wrapped around her body. I would take incredible determination for Mia to unwrap her arms, reach forward to shake Darren’s hand and return to the position with her arms wrapped around her body -all while her ankles are crossed- WITHOUT moving her shoulders and head. In order to stabilize her body and keep her balance her shoulders and head would move. The only way they would’t is if she made a very determined effort. So for that reason alone I am calling bullshit on this claim.

But let’s keep going...

Now my version of the video:

Excuse the lack of sound- it was late and my husband was bitching so I muted it and please excuse the low battery warning- I worked on this so many times and I am just tired of redoing it.

youtube

Darren’s interview starts at 1:27:00 mark. At 1:33:17 it is wrapping up and and you can see Mia and Michael standing behind them all-near the wall- waiting. Adam Shankman leaves and walk over goes over to the next interviewer to the right. Darren walks off to our left and goes off the screen. Michael goes after him and Mia walks off screen. Michael walks back in screen followed closely by Darren and they are looking to their left as they appear to be waiting for Darren’s turn with the person interviewing Adam. The camera angle change as Justin walks over and we see Mia who is standing out of out of the way against the wall. Darren and Michael are looking and chatting, waiting and appears to me that Michael realizes she is standing off to the back, he says something to Darren and he turns and reaches for her-telling her to join them. Darren also turns and starts walking toward her. They both move closer to Mia and turn to continue wait for Darren’s turn to do the interview -or maybe they are waiting for Adam. Suddenly Darren and Mia walk off to the left again- off screen and Michael follows. Darren and Micheal walk back to their former spot waiting and Darren Keeps looking back to where Mia went. He finally walks back over to where she presumably is and Michael starts to follow them, decides to stay and watches them. Around 1:35:00 Michael gets Darren and they walk past Adam and down the carpet.

Ajw- never one to miss commenting on another CCres post added her two cents. It is obvious that there is a contract between @ajw720 and everyone in the CC fandom. There has to be a contract which says she must comment on every anon who asks a CC question because there is NO other possible explanation for why she would comment on everyone else’s ask…NO OTHER REASON except a contract ‘D.

ajw720

Boom and @flowersintheattic254 wins again with her amazing, thought out, logical, reasoned answer.

Amazing to me, as much as stans defend everything, they have yet to defend this video. Why? because they can’t and they know it, so they just ignore it as it does not fit the picture they have painted.

Fact, nonnies, can’t ignore what happens, just like we can’t ignore it. You have to look at EVERYTHING, assess EVERYTHING, and based on facts and clues, develop your opinion as to the truth. Only when you are considering every piece of evidence out there can you have valid opinion. i assure you, my fellow CCers and I literally look at everything available. I wish i could ignore so much of the BS out there, but then I would not be qualified to state an opinion publicly.

Once again the CC fandom has taken a video, edited it- or create a gif- in a way that allows them to change the context-change history if you will- and proclaim it is proof CrissColfer is real.

I also leave you with these taken before the Blaine haircut so prior to Glee aka 2010.

2012 and wildly published

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 31: (L-R) Darren Criss, guest, Chuck Criss and guest attend the Cleveland Cavaliers vs New York Knicks game at Madison Square Garden on March 31, 2012 in New York City

Also Chucks Wedding.2012

#CrissColfer #Darren Criss #Chris colfer #CC #CCer #CCers #CC Blog #CC family #CC fandom #Did Michael introduce Darren to Mia? Of course not #Trevor Live 2012

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