Tumgik
#my life as an infj
tansdiary · 6 months
Text
i ask too much of people, i ask too much of life—maybe i'll never be satisfied. i'll never be satisfied.
66 notes · View notes
poetrybyonur · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
As INFJ empaths, we always want to see the light in others. We try to give them the benefit of the doubt when we see discrepancies. We try to love the red flags out of them. But more often than not, we get hurt, because sometimes the light we think we see in others is actually our own light reflecting off of them.
191 notes · View notes
gent-illmatic · 8 months
Text
THIS COMEBACK IS PERSONAL, ITS AN APOLOGY TO MYSELF.
67 notes · View notes
robin-birb · 7 months
Text
A loser refuses to give up
Tumblr media
I might be a loser or not a professional but I still enjoy my hobbies and I never give up. No matter when I lose or at a low level I will be proud of myself and try again. Practice does matter 💪
42 notes · View notes
u-n-lucky-being · 5 months
Text
𝔐𝔲𝔡𝔡𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔰
Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢
INFJ x ENTP
Tags: f!INFJ, m!ENTP, ft. m!ENTJ, ENTJ is an asshole in this one (sorry to all my ENTJ who are not machiavellian tyrants <3 love you all), lovers to enemies (kinda), kingdom setting, there’s an insurgence, kind of historical fiction (…I think? I’m not sure how this genre is called), angst, mentions of torture, threats of murder, mentions of murder, mentions of violence, blood, wounded character, mentions of war, curse words are used, I’m bad at tagging, hurt/comfort (I think?), fluff (I hope), I don’t know what else to add, please tell me if I should add anything else.
Word count: 3.5K
Summary: There wasn't a sole point where both of them started changing each other, but there was a day where decisions were taken.
(Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)
(Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)
(Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢)
A/N: I swear I rewrote a very specific part of this one like twelve times. I really really hope it came out decent. Anyways, enjoy, this one has a bit of fluff. Advice and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tumblr media
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Why did you suddenly change your mind?”
Silence filled the room. He watched her as she pressed her lips and looked to the side; he knew the answer before it came out of her mouth. “Direct orders-”  
"-from the base; Of course." He sneered, “As long as it is not their life on the line—”  
She took a step towards him and extended her hand, “Just give me the letter, ENTP. I’ have no time for this. I'm serious.”  
He bit the insides of his cheek and shook his head. “No. You are wounded and need rest. I’m not giving it to you to run across the town just to reopen the stitches I made.”  
She was about to open her mouth, but he beat her to it.  
“Also, you are still within the castle’s territory. If someone sees you, they will know that the letter to ESTJ was a lie. Are you going to risk it?”  
She ran a hand through her face, “ENTP-”  
He started to turn around, “Eat. Drink water and rest. I’m going-” something suddenly stopped him.  
Now it was her the one holding his wrist. “Give me the letter.”  
He ignored her.  
For someone with a wound as hers she moved too quickly. In a blink she planted herself in front of the entrance, blocking the door. “INFJ, please move.”  
“No.”  
“Move.”  
“No until we talk.”  
“We are talking, aren’t we?” He responded sarcastically.  
“I need the letter.” She answered with an almost pleading tone.  
“You need to rest.” He returned. “You went like an idiot and put everything at risk for the goddamned thing. Least you could do is to stop jeopardizing everything else for it.”  
INFJ inhaled sharply, yet she recomposed herself quickly. “Look I know, ENTP. I know.. I know this kind of life is dangerous-” She started “and I know I’m putting you at risk with this— that’s why I didn’t want to bring you in the start-”  
Her words had felt like a slap to the face. “Do you really think it’s me that one I’m worried about?” Seriously? Did she really believed that? He took a step closer towards her, eyes locked on hers. “Look at yourself. Do you really think I’m scared for my life?”   
Something shifted in the way INFJ was looking at him at his words, though he couldn’t exactly put a finger on what. She took two steps back. “ENTP, this is my job.” She finally said as if that should answer something for him.  
He scoffed. “Those bastards send you, over and over, with another mission that will most likely kill you, while most of them stay in the base? All safe?” He spat. “They all left you all the dirty work, didn’t they?”  
She sighed “We have different-”  
He interrupted her before she could try to excuse them. “What about the day it eventually kills you? What then?” INFJ didn’t answer, she just looked away. “They don’t care. They are basically killing you themselves.” Her eyes were out of his reach, but he knew his words had landed.  
Through the time they spent together he learned something about her that he wasn’t even sure if she knew herself. She was lonely. Worse than that, she had fully embraced the idea of dying for this cause- for her people, and the few ones that knew just stood to the side and let her. Originally, he had meant to exploit that weakness. But, now? Knowing what he did made him want to burn all that precious south-east base of hers himself.  
He wanted to shout at her to run away from it all. She was worth more than a fucking letter— worth more than the fucking information in it. She was worth more than an ‘if,’ than the ‘maybe’s’ that her leaders kept risking her for. Cause what if they failed? She would have given it all for what? She was better far from it all. Far from the insurgence, from the castle, from ENTJ— and from him. She had to leave it all behind; and he knew it would also mean leaving him behind. It hurt, but reallistically, the second the truth came out she would leave him either way. And even if she by some miracle didn't- he was still ENTJ right hand. Being tied to him, her being who she was, was the same as being tied to a rock and being thrown on a river. So as much as it hurt, he needed to convince her to leave it all. It was the only way to keep her safe.  
However he couldn't deny that the time he still had left- well, he tried to make the most out of it. He didn't know when their time would run out, but till then, he could pretend he could allow himself to love her. And maybe she could love him back.
So it hurt him, and he knew it hurt her, but at the moment he wanted her to listen; he wanted her to face the reality of her situation. “You are just a tool for them.”  
He saw her pressing her lips, right before eyes cold as ice stared back at him “And I’m fine with that.”  
He felt as if someone twisted a knife in his chest. “You are unbelievable.” Venom tainted his voice as he answered. “Are you aware that there will be a moment where this will end you?”  
She answered solemnly “If it’s for the greater good, who cares about one death?”  
The emotions he had been repressing for too long all came pouring the second she finished that sentence. With what she implied with it.
“I care!” Something might have echoed in his brain telling him to shut up before he complicated things more for both, but he couldn’t bear it. He needed her to hear him. “I care. I care about you. I care what happens to you! I am the one who almost saw you die! I had to wash your blood from my hands! If those motherfuckers in your goddamn base can’t relate, I do not give two shits!" Anger flowed through him the more he thought about it. "And still you- caring more about a fucking letter than your own life! Well, fuck it! I care!”  
He waited for a response from her part, yet he didn't know exactly what kind of response.
She shook her head. It was a slight gesture, almost imperceptible, but he saw her shaking her head ‘no.’  
It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. Both feared that if they didn’t push the other away, they might cause them harm; the only difference is that between the two he was the one who knew better.  
“Don’t say stuff like that.” INFJ finally said.  
Despite knowing better, he couldn’t remain silent. He could lie about many things, but not this. “I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it, but it is the truth.”  
“You will regret it.” she said, barely above a whisper, as if fearing the words coming out of her own mouth. “You said it before. I’m a tool for the insurgents, and there’s only one way that’s going to end for me and its six feet underground.” She smiled, but the expression was not a happy one; it was filled with sorrow. “Yet I won’t leave. I can’t leave ENTP. This is where I’m supposed to be.”  
Stubborn. Stubborn and stupid, that’s what she was.  
However, he knew; even when he wanted to convince himself otherwise, he knew that insisting on it wouldn’t change her mind. He had to find a different way. He would.
She took in his silence and added. “There’s no happy ending for me.”  
“Well," He answered the only response he could think of." I might be a sucker for tragedies.”
He wouldn’t give her up, not even if the ending might hurt.  
She smiled at him, but she looked almost devastated. He was sure she returned his feelings; he had confirmed it that day in the library. But whatever her mind was spinning around kept her heart at bay. He wanted to tell her to stop; to stop whatever direction her mind was stuck in, to stop thinking about the rest of the world, to stop looking at the big picture for a moment. He wanted to tell her to just be there, with him, for a second. To think for a moment of a different life. She had done enough for the insurgents; she could run away right now, live a peaceful life, and he was sure she would still have done more than the vast majority of all the rebels.  
But how do you tell someone to break and reshape the way their mind was built to think?  
ENTP got closer to her and leaned slightly in to look her better in the eyes. To his surprise she closed her eyes and laid her forehead on his. His hands found their way towards the back of her neck, and her own hands reached back towards his as a response, gently tickling him in the process. He closed her eyes as well and breathed her scent in. This was comforting, somehow. He wasn’t sure what they had become of each other, and he knew she wouldn’t have answer either. This was more than a partnership— even within all the lies and secrets in between; they cared for each other, and in a terrifying realization he understood that they cared for each other more than they cared for their goals.  
He was willing to destroy everything he had built alongside ENTJ for her.  
And he knew, somehow, that he had become her biggest weakness. The crack in the wall of her perfect fortress— the one who might convince her to forget all of this. All of what she had built herself to be.  
That’s why she wanted him at a distance. That’s why he terrified her.  
It only made the pain of his lies hurt more. When he started this, that had been exactly what he wanted. But now that he was sure he had a piece of her heart in his hands, he kind of wished she had never given it to him.  
She sliced his hands from his neck to his shoulder and breathed in, eyes still closed, as if trying to get more of that feeling of closeness; that comfort. Maybe that’s what they were; each other’s comfort. From the world, from the threads pushing and holding them back. In an almost ironic kind of way she had become the one person he was the most honest with. He didn't have to guard himself around her, he could just be. ENTP wasn't sure how— just that it was.
He felt her pull back a little, and ENTP tried to ignore his body's collective complaints. He slowly opened his eyes, only to find INFJ staring right at him.  
She looked troubled; and she also looked yearning.  
He then noticed how her gaze had fallen into his lips, and he had to stop himself from giving in to the urge to lick them. This reminded him too much of that day in the library. It would be a lie to tell that his feelings had started that day; however, it was that day where they became undeniable. When he first realized how much he actually wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to be closer. Not to manipulate her nor seduce her— simply, he wanted to.
He gulped. Staring at her lips as well for a second, and he wondered what she could read in his eyes right now. His heart was racing, and he unconsciously had pulled her closer again. He could feel the tension in her neck, and when his eyes returned to hers, he could also see the debate going on inside.  
He had his own debate going on. This would complicate things; this would put both of them in greater danger. But the truth was that both were already too deep in each other. It didn’t matter if he kissed her right now or if they never even touched each other again; the feelings were already there. So, who cared if this happened?  
Maybe he was just not thinking straight.  
ENTP leaned in and closed his eyes. He left a tiny bit of space between their lips, enough for her to back away if she decided to do so, but also enough close for her to know he had taken his decision.
Shivers ran through his spine as she felt her breath on his lips. “This is a bad idea.” She whispered.
ENTP whispered back “I know.”  
He waited a few seconds, half expecting her to pull back.  
With his eyes still closed, nothing gave him a warning till her lips were already on his. He has had his share of kisses throughout his life; this was different.  
It was soft and slow; almost painfully so. He wouldn’t lie— he was holding back. He was holding back so much. She was injured, after all. However, she was not making it easy for him, as she pulled him to deepen the kiss. It was that it felt better than everything he had ever felt; even the torturous pace that was driving him crazy. It felt too good. It felt right. Maybe slow, maybe soft, but it was deep. Deep in emotions. Deep in sensations. Everything felt like too much, while still not being enough. Her hands moved back to the back of his neck, and his traveled to her waist. He was pulling her just as much as she was pulling him, as if both of them were trying to get even closer; as if that was humanly possible.  
They both were hardly breathing. All his senses were awake, yet it felt like they could only react to her now; if the castle was crumbling around them, he did not know or care.
He hadn’t even realized they had been moving till he felt her back hit the door. He pulled away quickly, scared of her injury reopening. Her eyes fluterred open as his hands left her waist and he pressed them into the door instead; their chest remained touching.  
Both were trying to recover their breath from what had just happened. He could feel her heartbeat as much as he was sure she could feel his. He laid his forehead back on hers.  
It couldn’t have been more than a minute, but it felt like it could have lasted hours. Still, he secretly wished it had lasted longer. Their gaze met, and for a second, he was worried about finding regret in her eyes, but there was none of that. Just his own emotions reflected right back at him. The moment he pulled back was almost painful, but both of them knew better than to allow this to go too far. Or maybe they were already too far but were trying to gain a sense of control back.  
He backed a few steps, and she cleared her throat. It seemed like INFJ wanted to say something, but words just wouldn’t come out.  
The stupid half of his brain smirked, yet the reality soon caught up.  
“I’m not leaving you.” He found himself saying before he could realize. “Even if you don’t leave. I’m staying.”  
The subtle blush she had from the kiss intensified slightly and she smiled softly, yet she could not hide the worry behind her eyes. “Alright.” She answered, yet he could have sworn he heard the unspoken words ‘I hope you’ll change your mind sooner than later.’  
A couple hours later he found himself checking INFJ’s stitches and changing the bandages when a question that had been haunting him left his lips. “Why do you refuse to leave?” ENTP didn’t look her in the eye. Sure, they had already been close like this, but the kiss had made things-- confusing. “The insurgents. I mean- you have nothing to gain from this.”  
He had figured that the best way to know was to ask her directly. During their months working together they had talked about a lot of things, yet she always managed to keep certain topics out of reach; much like him. This one being one of them.  
Any of the options that had popped in his head as a possible explanation just didn’t make sense. She didn’t have a family, she wasn’t close to pretty much anyone, there were no ties to fight for; even if she stayed within the country, she could have even become an actual governess, and live a comfortable life without trouble.  
So why?  
INFJ was sitted on what at this point became their improvised medical table, her borrowed shirt half lifted for him to have access to her injured side. He had brought some more stuff for her to remain there hidden for the day, and at night they would go to another of her safe hideouts, one that was further from the castle and was a decent place for her to rest. He, by some miracle, also managed to convince her to let him deliver the stolen letter to the insurgents, so two letters found themselves in his pockets.  
The original would be returned to ENTJ, and hopefully that would calm him enough for him to forget about decapitating the spy as soon as possible.  
The fake copy would be delivered to the insurgent leader of the south-base, containing no relevant information. Not that they would know about that last part.
She thought about his question for some seconds, “When the first rebellion happened, ENTJ did something that stuck with me and will always stay with me. He gave people hope.” ENTP did not expect that answer. Before he could question it, she continued, “It sounds funny now, but it is true. How many years- decades even, had our people lived without any expectation nor hope for change? The royalty and nobility were corrupt, but that’s how it had always been; most of us had to fend for ourselves or die of hunger, but that’s how it always was. There was nothing to do about it, right?”
He finally decided to look into her eyes, but he found them staring far away, far past these four walls, lost somewhere he couldn’t reach. “But then came this man— this crazy lunatic man— telling people things didn’t have to be that way. Yes, he had an army by his side— I mean, you were a part of it. You would know it better than me, after all.” She noted. “But this one man was who gathered them all. He fought against what was wrong, what had been wrong for so long. Many still thought he wouldn’t change a thing; that he would be a memorable martyr they would remember with melancholy.” Some unexplainable emotion tainted her words as she finished. “And then he did it; he changed things.”  
His always present impulse to argue intervened. “For the worse, some may argue.” He might be on ENTJ side, but he could still listen to what most people believed; and they all believed ENTJ to be a dick.  
A joyless laugh escaped her. “Yes, for the worse.” She agreed. “But he gave a gift to people, whether or not on purpose. He proved that things could change. He gave them hope.”  
He pulled the rest of her shirt down and straightened himself. “I don’t get it.”  
She licked her lips, thinking, yet the action distracted him from the conversation for a second.  
“One person.” INFJ said. “One person can change things.”  
He leaned in on the table, closing the space between them. “Only if they have the means to do it.” Like an already high position within the nobles and military, like ENTJ.  
She smiled; playful eyes insistent on not giving in. “You find the means. And, well- you have to leave the rest to hope.”  
He snickered, “So stubbornness and good luck, is it?”  
INFJ shrugged, “What’s the other option? Think of yourself as helpless and hopeless?” She shifted her attention to a loose thread on her shirt-- or well, his shirt that she borrowed. “I’m sure you know about it. What else you would join the first rebellion, and now the insurgence?”  
Her words hit him like a bucket of cold water.  
“You also wanted for things to change, right?” Before he could attempt to, she answered herself, “So you went and did something about it. One cannot leave things and just wait for them to change; you must be the one working towards the future you want.”  
His eyebrows furrowed, “What-” he thought about it for a moment, “What if you want them to go one way, and they go another? If you work hard for something and the result is still disappointing?”  
ENTP couldn’t lie to himself. The first rebellion did not have any of the expected results. He thought that with time things would become better. But for how long had he been waiting now?  
She frowned and got lost in thought for a moment, “I guess that then the only thing that’s left is to try to fix it, in whatever measurement you can.”  
“And if it is unfixable?” he countered.  
“The past is unfixable. But the future?” Her determined smile returned, “That’s ours.”  
He pressed his lips, the tentation of meeting hers with them being a little too much. Yet the words stuck in his mind. Once again he found himself puzzled by her; claiming to own the future— only to then declare she was bound to meeting tragedy.
That day ENTP delivered two letters.  
One of them went into the hands of the insurgents.  
Its fake copy was burnt the minute he delivered it to ENTJ hands.  
He had also taken two decisions.  
One: he would start fixing things, as best as he could.  
Two: If the future was really theirs, he would find a way out. He would convince INFJ that she could be more than a tragedy waiting to happen.  
Cause she was right about something, the past they could not change but for the future?  
Possibilities were endless.  
And ENTP would find a way where there was none.  
ENTP opened the cell’s gate, and a similar image to last time greeted him. The difference being that her eyes were opened this time, staring at him from the second he walked inside. She didn’t even flinch as he went near her.  
He wasn’t sure what to say— what the fuck could he even say in a situation like this?  
It was her who broke the silence, “Hi.”  
Perplexed, but still unsure how to act he responded back, “Hi.” 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢
Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢
Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢
26 notes · View notes
neudibujitos · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media
INFP x INFJ
23 notes · View notes
unpocoloxa · 6 months
Text
Movies, beers, books, wine... order not important 🔁
18 notes · View notes
murakamijeva-muza · 2 months
Text
I’m Nostalgic For A Life I’ve Never Had.
7 notes · View notes
tansdiary · 8 months
Text
so i wait and wait and wait, but the right time never comes. the right time only goes. away. away it goes and never comes back.
83 notes · View notes
gent-illmatic · 9 months
Text
I’m at the age where I like Books and Wisdom more than I like the company of other people
-KANAAN
30 notes · View notes
mariamthe1st · 5 months
Text
the usual me 🙂
Tumblr media
12 notes · View notes
u-n-lucky-being · 9 months
Text
𝔐𝔲𝔡𝔡𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔰
Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢
INFJ x ENTP
Tags: f!INFJ, m!ENTP, ft. m!ENTJ, ENTJ is an asshole in this one (sorry to all my ENTJ who are not machiavellian tyrants <3 love you all), lovers to enemies (kinda), kingdom setting, there’s an insurgence, kind of historical fiction (…I think? I’m not sure how this genre is called), angst, betrayal, threats of torture, threats of murder, mentions of murder, threats of rape (nothing explicit, I promise), mentions of violence, mentions of war, curse words are used, I’m bad at tagging, this was supposed to be a oneshot but I think it will end up having at least three parts :’) hurt no comfort (comfort in the next parts), I don’t know what else to add, please tell me if I should add anything else.
Word count: 3.6k
Summary: INFJ had been stupid enough to trust the wrong person, and now was paying the consequences. Not only was her life at risk, but also the entire cause she had been fighting for. All because she allowed herself to be fooled by someone’s lies… but, perhaps there had been some truth in them. For ENTP everything had gone according to his and ENTJ’s plan, except for the fact that he now regretted everything. Willing to right his wrongs, he decides to start a new, riskier plan.
(Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)
(Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔴𝔢r𝔢)
(Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢)
A/N: Ok, so this started as: “Oh, people suggests using the MBTI cognitive functions to built a more realistic character” went into “Haha some people has turned the MBTI stereotypes into characters; how cute”, then “And they ship them? I mean, weird ig, but ok…”, to “;-; why am I getting invested in these ships?” and somehow ended up here :D (Seriously after the biggest writer block of my life my brain decided to pull an allnighter to plan out and write THIS?) Just wanted to clarify that this is based on the MBTI stereotypes and tailored for the role I assigned them in this story, so please don’t feel offended if you happen to have the same MBTI as any of them but would never act like them. The same thing about shipping- I’m just shipping the stereotyped-characters. With all of that said… I have NO idea how I ended up with this angsty mess but… hope someone out there will like it I guess. English is not my first language so I apologize if anything sounds funny. Feel free to leave any feedback, as it is very appreciated.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tumblr media
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There she was. Vulnerable, defeated, humilliated, but above everything else: hurt.
As she laid in the cold floor forced to kneel to the king, she realized that she really did not care about the bruises on her body, nor the ones on her ego- but the ones on her heart seemed hard to ignore.
ENTJ laughed softly as he rosed from his throne, slowly approaching her “Are you sure that this one is the one who has been causing us so much trouble? She doesn’t really looks like it.”
To INFJ the voice that replied sounded as cold as the floor under her. “She is the one. I made sure to confirm it myself.” said ENTP; though she refused to raise her head to see him, she could hear the familiar smirk on his face.
Stupid. She had been so stupid. She had been the perfect spy because she was able to enter into any fortress while being a fortress herself; she gained anyone’s trust easily, but she trusted no one.
Except that she let him in. She trusted him.
For what? He played her at her own game and now…
Whatever had happened to her or would happen to her did not matter, not really, but the future of those who had depended upon her was at risk because she failed.
She would not fail them twice.
“How many days do you think it would get to break her?” asked ENTJ while she heard his steps getting closer “Two? Three days on the torture chamber?” ENTJ’s feet suddenly appeared in her eyesight and she lifted her head to look at him in the eye. Defiant. She felt pathetic, weak and dumb but as hell she would show it to him.
He laughed again, “Oh, she’s fierce nonetheless.” Taking her chin forcefully with his hand to look better at her face, he added “and pretty too. I could even think of different ways to make her scream other than torture.”
She swallowed hard and turned slightly paler at that last part; his grin widened “What is it, love? Are you more scared of the promise of pleasure than that of pain?” he chuckled letting go of her chin only to place his hand with more force on her neck “Perhaps we might actually consider a different form of interrogation for this one.”
INFJ felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She would rather death. She would rather the most painful torture than what this man infront of her was implying.
A sharp metal sound suddenly broke the silence, and though she could not move her head to see what had happened the voice ENTP quickly followed said sound.
“Pardon me. So unusual of me to be this clumsy.”
ENTJ eyes swiftly moved from her face towards the place where she knew ENTP stood. After what seemed to be a silent conversation between the two, the first one scoffed “Yeah; unusual” and let go of her neck, finally allowing her to breathe again. He had not been using enough force to block her airways, but pure terror had stopped her from breathing at all.
After the man returned to his throne, he looked at the girl on the ground once again. Despite of the slip of fear she had just had, she took once more the mask of cold defiance she had initially borne. ENTJ smiled almost sarcastically at that.
“We will attempt our usual route of interrogation first. If that doesn’t work… I might have to get creative.” this time she didn’t let it show how those words shook her to the core “Take her to the cells.”
And after that simple order two pair of hands that she had known to be behind her forced her to her feet and took her out of the room. As they did she cast one glance at the person who had put her on this position.
He looked back at her. Those eyes she had loved were now the most horrific sight she could find in this whole castle. She had truly believed that he loved her back, that he understood her as much as she had known him, that she had finally found someone to rely on. But now, she knew that he had lied, that she had not known him at all, and that she betrayed herself as much as he betrayed her by daring to let her guard down.
Her heart still ached, but it wasn’t because of his betrayal. It was because the person she had known, had loved, had given her trust to, was but a fantasy. This man that was looking at her, she did not know. She definetely didn’t love him, and now was wise enough to know better than to trust anyone. This man had handed her to her death, and perhaps worse things than death, as if she was nothing to him; but at least she could say that this stranger was nothing to her as well.
Once his face had been gone from her sight she repeated those last words as many times as she needed until every part of her body, mind and soul believed them.
That stranger was nothing to her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He was not used to the intoxicating sensation of fear.
He had felt fear in his life and for his life, of course, it was a common thing to have under the commands of people like general ENTJ. But for him, those were rare instances; as if he had always been too brave or too stupid, and had somehow become almost inmune to it.
Almost.
“So, are you gonna explain yourself or do you want me to guess what was that back there?”
They were in ENTJ’s chamber. The royal chamber. Five years ago they had seized power from the last king (may he rest in pieces) as general ENTJ had convinced himself that he had not been fit for the throne and that what the nation needed was a stronger and ambitious leader who actually dared to be the change this nation needed. Many believed him to be right, ENTP being one of them. The financial situation from before was enough to move sufficient men and women towards their cause, which ultimately lead to their success.
But of course, there were those who were against this. Their motivations of various kinds. Many of them guided merely by the fact that this new political climate did not benefit them; very few others talked about justice and laws and actually meant it. Whether caused by the first or second group, the whispers that called ENTJ a tyrant began spreading soon enough. Nonetheless, it didn’t really matter, as it had been easy to keep them all under control, one way or another. At least, until a group of rebels began causing them trouble two years ago.
And that’s where ENTP’s and INFJ’s stories intertwined.
ENTP made sure to act as he usually did. Carefree, witty, slightly smug. And that was his exact expression when he answered to his commander and king “What? About my slippery hands?”
“As if I was stupid enough to fall for your bullshit.” Despite ENTJ’s calm expression he could tell he was not calm at all. “You dropped the same knife I gave you after slitting the old king’s throat. Tell me, honestly, could you really consider such thing as an accident?- Should I be worrying that one of my trusted circle is threatening me?” despite his tone remaining neutral, ENTP could hear the warning behind it, telling him to be careful of what he was about to say next.
ENTP chuckled softly and threw himself over one of the chairs of the room. Relaxed. He needed to be relaxed. “Fine. I admit it. I dropped the knife on purpose. Though it being that especific knife, was not.”
Now it was ENTJ’s turn to chuckle. Whether he believed that last part or not was out of ENTP’s knowledge. “So, I was right.” he uttered “Tell me, did you felt jealous of me touching your little pet?”
His expression remained as carefree as always, but ENTP could feel the ice slowly expanding through his chest. “You got me wrong, my friend.” He spat “It was not about who you were touching or who you were threatening. It was about what you were threatening her with.” ENTP sat a little straighter and allowed some of the ice within him to come out as he said “We are not the type to do such things. Have you forgotten? Or maybe power already started to mess with that head of yours?” Though a smile remained carefully placed in his face, there was nothing warm or friendly about it “Perhaps you are starting to believe those who call you a tyrant.”
“Perhaps you are forgetting who we are dealing with.” the King replied back as coolly. ENTJ turned his back to ENTP and began examining the papers that laid over his desk, “That girl has been informing about every move, every decision, every plan, that we have made for the last years. She is the reason we have been dealing with so many issues. She is the reason that pathetic group of insurgents became an actual threat to us. She is the reason we have been unable to move forwards with our plans of expansion. And she might be the cause of our downfall if we are not careful now.” His voice slowly grew more bitter as he spoke. “In case you also forgot, we might not be tyrants but we aren’t fond of playing by the rules; are we?” he asked rhetorically turning to face him once more, “Even when their little insurgence is not half as capable as they believe it to be, we still need the support of our neighbor nations if we want to keep our own afloat; at least, till we are strong enough. They might have not turn against us after we took the power, but if they realize that we are not as fond of following their dear proceedures and codes as they are, they might. If proof of some of our moves gets leaked, we are done. We cannot let that happen before we are ready.” He declared vigorously.
ENTP did not overlooked how ENTJ insisted on talking in plural. The message was clear: if ENTJ could be considered a tyrant, so could he. And if ENTJ would go down, so would him. “But you already got the girl locked up.” he pointed, attempting to return to his more casual attitude “She won’t be an issue any longer. There’s nothing to fear. So I still don’t understand the reasoning behind your threats.”
The commander actually laughed at that, though there was not any trace of joy found in it. “You, my friend, can be very smart. But sometimes you are just as stupid.” He proceeded to explain, “First, and the most obvious reason, is that she still holds valuable information. Information that not even you could get out of her. Names, hiding spots, plans, perhaps there might even be another rat between us; she will know all of that.”
“So your justification of becoming worse than an animal will be to get information out of her.” ENTP retorted; the same ice from before threatening to come out once more.
ENTJ almost laughed again, “You fool. It is not about what we actually do to someone. Is about what they fear we might do.” he smiled almost simpathetically to him “Don’t trouble your mind, I won’t lay a finger on her. But, I need her to fear I might if she refuses to cooperate during the interrogations.”
Whatever kind of relief the first part of that sentence might have given ENTP was quickly extinguished by the last. He knew what interrogations in this castle were. Even before they took power, their nation had always been known for the severety of its treatment towards those who dared to act out of line. That’s something that the revolution took advantage of when they first raised: they were the first group in decades that dared to publicly go against the crown despite of the possible consequences; in the eyes of the people they were brave and determined, and in the eyes of their enemies they were indomitable and impredictable. Once they had become the ones in power, ENTJ decided to use such reputation in his favor, so he continued with the tradition.
There were lines they won’t cross, of course, like what he had just been complaining about to ENTJ; but that didn’t mean that the route towards those lines was not a painful, bloody one.
And his imagination had already started to turn against him by imagining INFJ in each one of the probable scenarios he knew would happen. The same fear he had constantly been in since she had officially become a prisioner, slicing him inside out. Not even the times he had feared for his very own life could compare.
But, relaxed. He needed to appeared relaxed.
“Very well then, its good to know that my friend is still a man and not a beast.” He forced himself to appear curious rather than terrified “But what is the other reason?”
ENTJ smiled slightly more earnestly at him than he had been doing during their whole conversation “I need her to make an example out of her- and just killing her won’t be enough. Like I said in the throne room, I need her to break.” The commander approached a little chess set he had placed on a small table, and took one of its pieces in his hand. “She is the first important player we’ve caught from the insurgent group. You yourself know firsthand how much they relied on her. Even the leaders. If we just kill her, they will make her a martyr; that would be like adding fuel to a fire. But,” slowly he placed the piece back in its place “if we show them that we can turn one of their stronger players into a mere shell, ready to crack under any pressure,” he grinned and looked ENTP directly in the eyes “we will finally begin to crush that rebellion to death. If we manage to display her publicly in absolute despair, that same despair with spread across the other rebels and begin to kill their cause inside out. After that, we can kill her.”
'Make an example out her' he had said, but by that he had meant to make a show out of her misery.
Fear. He was still not used to this sensation and he hated it. Just like he had started hating the man infront of him with every particle of his body. Just like he had hated himself since he brought this upon her.
ENTP knew that he was no innocent; he had done as much if not more of the pulling of the strings behind the curtains during their rise to power. And ENTJ was right; they had not exactly been too ‘correct’ in their ways. But, he had always believed that the ends would justify the means. That what they have done wrong could be righted by the good that it would cause eventually. Nevertheless, time passed and ENTJ and the rest of his followers had just become more cold, more bold, more vengeful- at first justifying themselves saying that it was necessary measures to ensure respect, then blaming the insurgeance and the need to end it for their merciless acts.
And the worst part was… there were still no results. The economy remained in shambles, crime rates kept going up, the people was still miserable, and now more than ever fear ruled over everything. But either delusion or actual curruption kept them settled in their ways, while still predicating the same speech that had first convinced people to put their trust upon them.
He had remained blind to it all during most of it- or well, perhaps not blind but unwilling to see the truth. Unwilling to see what power was turning their cause into, a cause that he was sure had began with good intentions. He lied and convinced himself that eventually things would turn right.
But after getting to know someone from the other side- someone who taught him that fighting fire with fire would never not lead to just more smoke and ashes, and that the only way to right a wrong was to make it right to begin with… He could now see.
Yet, it had been too late at the moment to keep it all from coming to this. And he feared that if he took a misstep right now it might become to late to keep INFJ from encountering the fate ENTJ had just described for her.
After staring at ENTP for a few seconds ENTJ added “But… it seems I’ve misjudged how possessive you’ve become over the girl.”
Sometimes it surprised ENTP how easily his insides could go from iced bitterness to scorching rage. It also surprised him how good he could be at feigning indifference. He scoffed “As if. I already told you I don’t have any particular interest on her. She was fun to toy with, nothing else. She’s yours to do as you please.”
ENTJ continued staring him down, as if trying to get the truth out of him. But, after a while he simply nodded and said “Very well then. That’s good to hear, because I figured that she might be more compliant if you are in the room during tomorrow’s interrogation.”
His heart sunk in his chest, but he did his best to remain on his role “I doubt that’ll work. If anything her hate for me might make her harder to work with.”
The king sneered “Oh, does that means she is fond of me?”
ENTP replied “Her hate towards you is… general, my dear commander. As if she hates you, but not you, but rather the idea of you. But me,” he smiled smugly despite how those same words he was about to say cutted deeply through him “I am a personal issue.”
ENTJ turned to his desk once again, “Maybe you are right; but I’m actually relying on those strong feelings for you. Whether that’s love or hate or both, strong emotions always make someone easier to manipulate.” He moved his face only enough to look at his subordinate directly in the eyes as he said “You will be there tomorrow.” It was an order, not a suggestion, so ENTP knew better than to argue against it.
“Fine, we’ll see if your plan works tomorrow.” And with that he rose from his chair and turned to the door.
The only thing ENTJ said before ENTP could leave the room was “They always do.”
It was already nightfall when he finally found the opportunity to go into the cells without being noticed.
Since he had left his commander’s chambers he could barely think of anything besides the girl that was trapped inside those walls. He needed to come; to warn her of what would take place tomorrow, and what could come afterwards.
But also, because he needed to see her.
He saw her laying down on the floor; perhaps asleep, perhaps unconcious. Ice ran through his veins at the prospect of the second. He rushed to take out the keys he had stolen from the guards and went inside. The sound of the cell’s door opening immediately made her jump- so asleep it was then.
ENTP could tell that she recognized him as quickly as she saw him. She became almost unnaturally still, her eyes becoming stone cold, just as they had done the only time she had deigned to look at him in the throne room. He hated that look; he could have dealt with the expected looks of hatred, of anger, of betrayal, anything that indicated what she thought of him. Anything that could be taken as the residue of what she once felt for him.
But that look- it killed him. It was as if nothing had ever been there.
Though he admitted to himself that it would have been better for her if it had been that way.
He looked away from her eyes and dared to look at the rest of her. She lied on the floor, reclined against the same wall she was shackled to. Same clothes he had saw her wearing just yesterday's night, right before it all went to hell. But now they were torned, dirty- and bloodied. If he had to guess, she could barely keep herself up. Bruises covered her from head to toe. Despite that he had not been who caused them himself directly, he knew he was responsible for every one of them.
She had fight all the way into her capture. She only stopped fighting when she saw him standing side by side with the king, a fake grin on his face as the words left his mouth “Your Highness, I present to you: the spy”.
It pained him beyond anything he could express to see her like this. He was the first to move, advancing towards her to try to examine her wounds. But, of course, he should have thought better than to act without saying anything before, as she tensed and tried to move away from him before he could reach her.
For her, he was no longer someone she could trust. He was the enemy.
“I won’t hurt you” was the first words that he could think to say, raising his palms up as if that could somehow prove his words to be truthful.
She laughed bitterly “You expect me to believe you?”
Fair. It was fair from her, but right now there was no time to explain or argue with her. “No, but right now I just want to help, alright? Please let me-”
“Fuck off!” she yelled moving as far as she could “Help! Anyone hel-”
He launched himself towards her, pressing her against the wall as gently as he could while his hand covering her mouth to keep her from alerting the guards of his presence. If anyone realized he was here, all of their hopes would be lost.
INFJ began trembling, her eyes panicked while she struggled to push him away.
His heart sank in his chest. She was terrified of him. And she had every right to be. What used to be a playful act, a flirty situation, a moment of closeness, now could only be considered a threatening situation for her in every aspect.
ENTP backed away slightly, giving her as much space as he could without risking her to cause a scene.
“I won’t hurt you. I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but please listen. Just once.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢
Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔴𝔢r𝔢
Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢
46 notes · View notes
poetrybyonur · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
When you got tired of my melody, you removed me from your play list. You sing to a different song now and have forgotten the lyrics to my soul.
243 notes · View notes