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thebearchives · 2 years

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slow days in monaco | PG10

PAIRING: pierre gasly x single mom!reader

REQUESTED: [] yes [X] no

WORD COUNT: 2.2k

SYNOPSIS: a slow day in monaco is like a bad omen, or so you were told. what happens when formula 1 drivers pierre gasly and charles leclerc enter the café you work at and spark up a conversation with your son?

WARNINGS: fluff, son has a name (thomas), reader can speak both french and english (translations are included), probably more interactions between pierre and the kid (sorry, not sorry. I'm a sucker for guys interacting with kids)

A/N: hello, hello!! first post alert!!! i hope you guys enjoy what i came up with during my dad!pierre brainrot. please don’t be a ghost reader! i love getting feedback, even if it’s just a small comment :)

( originally, this was supposed to be a series, and i’m more than willing to write more parts to this, but i’m not entirely sure if that’s what people want. that being said, send me a message if you'd like another part and I'll see what i can do! )

although there never truly was such thing as a slow and quiet day in a coffee shop in monte carlo, the mornings were just a little bit more mellow after the start of the formula 1 summer break. or at least they were to you.

this was your first year working at le pain d'amour, a bakery and coffee shop popular with tourists and natives alike, so you didn’t have much to go off of. you had started working there a couple of months prior to the monaco grand prix, and even three months later, you were still recovering from the weeklong madness.

long gone were the mornings where you made coffee for f1 enthusiasts and team members alike. now, your mornings were spent serving tourists looking for a good instagram-worthy latte, and suit-clad men complaining about their early mornings and lack of vacation days.

unlike other days, today felt like your longest morning shift yet; halfway into your five-hour shift, with only about five customers sitting inside the cafe. ‘a slow day in monaco is like a bad omen,’ your coworker had said. to you, it just felt like torture.

another hour passed, the five customers long gone, now replaced with three individuals who sat scattered around the shop, all busy with their own devices. the bells above the front door chimed announcing the entrance of two men. with the way the two men loudly chattered in french, you doubted the need for the bells in the first place.

you moved from your spot leaning against the counter to the front cash register. your coworker, michelle, had stepped out not too long ago for her break, leaving the cafe in your very capable hands.

“bonjour! welcome to le pain d'amour, i can take your order whenever you guys are ready!” you channelled your best customer service voice and looked up. the smile you slapped onto your face faltered slightly when you realized the faces of the two men standing across from you.

there in front of you stood f1 drivers, charles leclerc and pierre gasly.

you snapped back into reality when charles opened his mouth, “bonjour! can i just get an iced coffee and a croissant sandwich?”

you nodded as you entered his order into the system, “and for you?”

your question was directed to pierre, who had been gazing at the (h/c)-haired boy sitting on one of the stools near the counter. his head snapped back to you, a smile following as he looked over your head at the menu. a quick apology left his lips as he requested some more time, before opting to get the same as his friend but with a cookie as well.

as you turned to make their orders, telling the men to take a seat wherever and that you would call them up whenever their order was ready, you missed pierre gesturing towards the young boy, pulling charles up to sit on the stools near the kid. the alpha tauri driver couldn’t help but miss his nephew as he watched the young boy colour his page with great focus.

the quiet clicks of keys, and the music playing over the speakers was now overshadowed by the aggressive sounds of a crayon scraping against paper and the sound of the two drivers chattering in french. although loud enough for others to hear them, the speed at which the two men spoke made it hard to understand what they were saying.

“maman, regardez ça.” mom, look at this.

you drew your eyes from the espresso machine to the five-year-old, thomas, and the paper held up in his hand. you absorbed the shapes and lines on the paper before looking at the boy who was smiling widely.

“devinez ce que c'est!” guess what it is!

his energy was palpable, no thanks to the three hours he had spent sleeping on the couch in the backroom while you worked outside. you looked back at the machine, noticing the coffee just barely starting to stream.

you decided to entertain the boy, “hmm,” you furrowed your eyebrows in fake confusion, “est-ce un chien?” is it a dog?

“what?!” he gaped at you, “not even close! réessayer.” try again.

you giggled at the young boy’s exasperated face, “désolé, mon petit. je dois retourner au travail.” sorry, my child. i have to get back to work.

if it wasn’t for sanitary reasons, you would have reached over and ruffled his hair to get him to smile. instead, you resorted to calling out to him again, “stop pouting, amour.”

thomas grumbled, a mess of both french and english, albeit both sloppy, escaping his small lips.

a voice broke his muttering, “puis-je deviner?” can i guess?

both you and the boy looked over to where pierre sat, a small smile gracing his lips. you looked back at the young boy, eyes wide open and jaw slacked.

you huffed a small laugh, “tommy, ferme ta bouche.” close your mouth.

thomas sat up straight, “you’re in f1!”

he turned to look at you, “maman!! driver! un pilote de course!” a racing driver!

it was endearing, listening to him exclaim in both french and english. you, yourself, had been raised in a bilingual household, with your father being a native english speaker, who met your monégasque mother on his summer vacation. you grew up in a household where both english and french were spoken in tandem, and now, with your own son, you couldn’t help but raise him the same way.

you turned back to finish making the drinks that said driver had ordered, “oui, and he asked you something. sois poli et réponds-lui.” yes…be nice and answer him.

tommy’s eyes grew wide again and he turned back to the driver next to him, “pouvez-vous répéter votre question?” can you repeat your question?

pierre pointed to the drawing, repeating his question in english this time, “can i guess what you drew?”

thomas looked down at his drawing. an attempt at copying the foam art you had done on his long-empty cup of hot chocolate.

he looked back at you for guidance, gesturing you to come closer to him with his hand. you placed the sandwiches and coffees in front of the drivers, smiling apologetically to pierre for your son’s blatant avoidance of his question.

“i’ll get you your cookie in just a minute,” you stated, to which he responded, “pas d'inquiétude.” no worries.

as you neared the cookie display, and thomas, he reached up and whispered into your ear, “what if he thinks my drawing is really bad?”

you looked down at the boy, a small smile gracing your lips, “i’m sure he’ll think you’re very talented, and if he doesn’t…” you trailed off as you placed the cookie onto a plate.

after placing the cookie in front of pierre, you leaned down to whisper in your son’s ear, “i’ll fight him.”

thomas giggled, moving away from you to push his drawing in front of the driver, “maman said if you think i’m a bad drawer, she will fight you.”

charles’ chortle was loud, turning into a series of coughs as he choked on his coffee. you gasped quietly, quickly turning away from the three to avoid pierre’s amused gaze and get charles a tissue, to which he nodded with a red face, eyes watering. you began cleaning your station, ears not having to strain to hear the conversation going on behind you.

as charles’ coughs died down, pierre sighed, “well, we wouldn’t want that now, would we?”

after a small sip of his own coffee, he continues, “is this a cup?”

you couldn’t see it but pierre was pointing to a spot on the drawing.

thomas nodded excitedly, “mhm! c'est une tasse comme celle-là.”

the five-year-old pointed to the large array of coffee cups and mugs just to the left of where you stood.

pierre nodded, “is this design on top one of those foam…” he trailed off forgetting the words.

charles piped up from his spot, “latte form art?”

again, thomas nodded fast, “yes! but maman says i can’t have coffee so she makes me it on hot chocolate!”

both charles and pierre nodded at his words, “your mother is very smart, then.”

you turned around just in time to catch thomas nodding super fast, cheeks turning red at the compliment.

pierre took a bite out of his sandwich and charles decided to reach out and make conversation with the kid, “what’s your name, buddy?”

“thomas! with an h,” he started, going on a ramble about his classmate who also shared the same name, but without the h.

your attention got pulled from the conversation as you heard the bell chime again. this time, however, it was your coworker coming back from her break, keeping the door open for the person who was leaving the shop.

michelle smiled at you with a wave, tapping on her wrist as if to indicate the time. you looked at your own wrist, eyes widening to realize your shift was due to end in about 10 minutes. as slow as your shift had started, in the presence of the two drivers, you couldn’t help but be amazed at how fast time had passed.

there wasn’t much for you to do, waiting for the time to pass. as thomas continued chatting up the two f1 drivers, you made rounds around the tables placed in the shop, cleaning up any messes left behind.

with thomas and pierre’s loud voices filling up the air, it wasn’t long before michelle pulled you by your arm, eyes widened at the sight of the two very famous men sitting next to your son. her inquisitive look made you laugh quietly, explaining that they had come in not too long ago and had already ordered, and finished most of their food by the looks of it.

the ten minutes went by quickly, and you found yourself apologetically disrupting the very important conversation between thomas, charles, and pierre about whether or not a velociraptor could outrun charles in his ferrari. (charles: “velociraptors cannot run as fast as a racecar.” pierre, smacking his hand on the table: “you can’t believe everything you read on the internet!” thomas: “yeah! raptors are fast!”)

you smoothed out thomas’ hair, “hey, mon petit chou. i’m gonna go get our stuff from the back so we can get ready to go, okay? why don’t you start wrapping up the conversation?”

you left before charles could ask for your opinion on the matter, not wanting to face the wrath of either side if you defended the other.

by the time you made it back out, thomas was sitting on his stool, hunched over a piece of paper, a red pencil crayon held tightly in his hand as he drew something. the plate with pierre’s cookie now sat next to the boy, small teeth marks indicating that instead of the man who had ordered the cookie, the young boy was the one eating it.

pierre, noticing your return, smiled sheepishly as if embarrassed. whether it was for not ensuring your son had packed up before you came back, or for the fact that he got caught giving your son a cookie, you weren’t sure.

“sorry, he said he wanted to draw something for us,” pierre started, his eyes catching the movement of thomas taking another bite of the cookie before darting back to your amused face, “and sorry for the cookie, i always intended on giving it to him, but i realize now i should have probably asked before if he could have one.”

you smiled at him, “don’t worry about it, either of the things. the cookies are by far his favourite item on the menu and he’s not had one yet, so no harm done.”

charles leaned over from his spot, pushing against pierre, “so, do you think i could beat a velocirapt-”

pierre’s groan cut him off, “fermez-la déjà.” shut up already.

charles poked pierre with his elbow, “no, you,” before he turned back to you, “google says raptors only travel about 40 km/h…”

you laughed, “i’m afraid i cannot give my answer without risking my life,” you gestured your head towards the boy still colouring, now with a blue pencil in his hand instead.

“i think that gave your answer perfectly.” though his words were directed to you, charles couldn’t help but stare at pierre, a cocky smirk planted on his lips.

before pierre could retort, thomas sat up eagerly, “j'ai fini!” i'm done!

he pushed the piece of paper into the middle of the counter, right in front of pierre. looking over thomas’ head, you couldn’t help but smile at the picture he drew.

two racecars, one red and one speckled with blue, the numbers 16 and 10 drawn on either car respectively. in between the two racecars stood four people. three squares bodies and one triangle, three boys and one girl. as thomas pointed at each aspect of his drawing including the people, not that any of them needed any supporting description, you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that the triangle stick figure was connected at the hand to the smallest square figure. you and thomas, holding hands.

after pierre and charles thanked thomas profusely, you helped him hop off the stool. you turned to look at the two drivers one last time, “thank you for keeping him entertained today, you really didn’t have to.”

“nonsense, he’s a good kid.” charles smiled, pierre nodding at his words, “hopefully, we’ll see you both again.”

you smiled, “well, i’m here nearly every morning, so y’know.”

you helped thomas put his backpack on, “have a good summer break, both of you. hope the rest of the season treats you two well!”

the racecar drivers smiled, waving bye to both of you as you walked towards the door. before stepping foot outside, however, thomas turned around.

“maman’s number is written on the back! bye!”

A/N: second part is now posted!! read lonely nights in monaco here!!

#pierre gasly x reader #f1 driver x reader #f1 imagine #pierre gasly #pierre gasly 10 #pierre gasly x you #pg10 #pierre gasly fluff #charles leclerc #alpha tauri #fluff #ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ writes #f1 imagines #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula one #sdim #1k

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tryingtodotheright-thing · 2 months

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Hello, Sunset - 6

AN: This is my longest chapter to date. I really suck at writing dialogue, which is just my real life awkward self presenting in fiction. I would love to hear what people think about this chapter or just the story in general. Need some inspiration as I'm stuck on the next chapter. The writing gods have left me and there's a metaphorical brick wall between my ideas and the blank Google doc ... PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst WORD COUNT: 4,650 WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol Text in blue is spoken in Korean.

PREVIOUS / NEXT

1 December 2023 - 6 January 2024

There wasn’t really any time for melancholy, not for Y/N. She wanted to wistfully brood about her 10 days in Asia and play the nostalgic CARAT post concert, but the end of the year was relentless. Y/N travelled back to Tokyo the very next day to catch her flight home to London. She used the weekend to reset her body clock and catch up on her emails before she was back at the office on Monday.

By the time she landed in London, her episode on Amazing Saturday had already aired. She didn’t think the episode would have a huge audience. She had hoped to make an impression on the Korean audience but wasn’t expecting to suddenly be trending on Naver or anything. She had turned off the airplane mode on her phone whilst briskly making her way through the long route from the gate to baggage collection. It was a good thing her phone was silent as suddenly the notifications piled up. She opened up Instagram first as that’s where the most notifications were from and saw that Josua had tagged her on a post.

It was the second time he’d done that since they had met back in September. Then, it had been a picture they had posed together for a magazine at the Marni show. This time, it was a clip of her getting the one shot for getting the most accurate answer for the God of Music quiz. He’d captioned it to say ‘Thank you for answering SVT’s quiz, Y/N’. The post had thousands of likes already, including fellow SEVENTEEN members such as S.Coups, Seungkwan and Vernon. Her followers on Instagram had also increased, she guessed as a natural effect from this interaction. She was following Joshua already so she liked the picture and closed the app, too tired to think about her actions or do anything more.

The click clacks of her heels echoed as she walked the short distance from her cabin to the one of the Global HR Director and her line manager, David. Unlike the confident sounds of her footsteps, Y/N felt timid as she opened the door to his office once he beckoned her to come in through the glass windows of his office. David was not someone to mince his words or beat around the bush, especially as someone as busy and senior as he was in such a huge corporation.

Y/N walked out of his office thirty minutes later with relief. She’d need to talk to Sian and Emma first before she officially accepted his offer but she thought this was the best option for everyone without Y/N having to give up her career in HR completely. Her decision was solidified as she received positive response to her various promotion activities in Korea as they came out on broadcast and YouTube over the next few days. Sian and Emma began to receive interest from Korean shows and entertainment companies. The questions varied from whether she was interested in appearing on more shows to her plans on promoting in Korea and needing a local agency to support her promotions to even writing music for idol groups. Eun Ji was ecstatic at the idea of her living in Seoul and declared that Y/N would live with her. When she ran through her doubts of the move, Joshua reassured her as someone who had taken the same leap. Vernon and Seungkwan, who Y/N kept in touch with regularly since meeting them a few weeks ago, promised to visit her regularly so she wouldn’t be lonely.

By the time her slot at the Jingle Bell Ball was over a week later, Y/N felt fully confident in her decision to resign from her job in the UK and take the consultancy role. It offered her more flexibility whilst still allowing her to keep putting to use the qualification and skills she had developed over the past seven years. Her first focus would be working with regional leads in Japan and South Korea to support the planned restructures and optimise the local operations. She would be assessing the situation, proposing a solution and would oversee the implementation of it when it is accepted but won’t be the person delivering the change. She was actually excited to step out of her comfort zone and expand her experience further by dipping her toes into consultancy whilst putting to use her language skills in another country. It honestly felt like an offer too good to be true. It also gave Y/N time to prepare for her EP release that had been planned for the end of the summer and her European Tour that would kick off in the autumn of 2024. She hoped she would get lots of inspiration to write in the new environment.

Things moved quickly once she accepted David’s offer. A flat in Hannam-dong in Yongsan had been leased under her name by Emma. Whilst her company had offered to organise this for her, she had preferred to find a place that suited her specific needs and had negotiated with David so the company would contribute a fixed amount to the rent instead. David put her negotiation skills to the test but Y/N thought she handled it quite well. She had a decent deal by the end. She spent the next few weeks saying a temporary goodbye to her life in London, catching up with friends in between her end of year performance schedule. She’d gone from the one watching the countdown to NYE on BBC to the one people watched performing as the country counted down to the dawn of a new year. A few days later, she was back on a plane to Incheon, this time on her own. Emma wouldn’t be joining her in Seoul but would be making plenty of visits as needed. W Music had a partner in Seoul who would organise any assistance Y/N needed. Y/N leaned her seat back and gazed out of the window, taking a sip of the red wine the stewardess handed her earlier. She hoped 2024 would be a year to remember.

Current

Y/N had gone to bed immediately after her bath. The fight or flight response in her body had slowly disappeared until all that was left was exhaustion. She had dragged herself from the bathroom to her bedroom, not going through any of her night time routine but falling straight into bed instead. The blackout blinds in her room hid the world from her and equally hid her from the world from her. It was the Bank Holiday Monday so she had allowed herself to lie in and when she checked the digital clock on her bedside table once she arose from her deep slumber, she saw it was close to 11am. She decided it was time to face the world and couldn’t hide any longer.

“Alexa, open the blinds.” The automated blinds came to life and with a soft whirring noise, it let the sunlight into the spacious cream coloured room. Closing her eyes briefly to allow them a relief from the bright rays, she patted around the bed for her phone. When her attempts were fruitless, she sighed in defeat before getting out of bed to look around the room for it. Not seeing it anywhere, she slid her feet onto her soft slippers and moved to the living room. She had success as she found it face up on the sofa. She tapped on the screen to bring it to life but it didn’t work. Letting out a groan, realising the phone had run out of battery, she moved to the kitchen island and planted her phone on top of the wireless charger. Leaving it to collect power so she could turn it on, she used the time to make her morning smoothie.

Ten minutes later, she sat on one of the high stools by her kitchen island with a large glass of avocado and banana smoothie. She turned the phone on, making sure to keep it on the wireless charger. She saw that she had missed calls and clicked on the Phone app to see who had tried to get in touch. Some were older notifications she had dismissed like the missed calls from Sian and Emma. There were also recent missed calls from Rachel, Eun Ji and Joshua. Joshua didn’t normally call so she assumed he was concerned about her non-reply.

As she wondered if it was finally time to grow up and call Joshua, her phone began to ring. It was an unsaved number but Y/N recognised it straight away. It was an incoming call from SEVENTEEN’s main Manager, Shim Jae Hyun. He’d been the first person she’d spoken to after Seungcheol had sent her the text to break up and blocked her number immediately after. Y/N could still remember the pity in his voice as he’d told her that Seungcheol had informed him of the breakup, and had asked that Y/N not contact anyone related to himself. Y/N had responded with a distressed ‘I understand’ and had immediately cut the call.

Since then, she hadn’t spoken to anyone related to Seungcheol, including the members. Some of the members, particularly Vernon and Seungkwan, had tried to speak to her when they became aware of the break up but she’d already blocked them. The only remaining connection was Joshua and even then, she didn’t pick up or answer his calls. They hadn’t spoken since the day before the break up, when Y/N had called him from the airport to confirm she’s boarding and to ask him to check in on Seungcheol. Despite his persistent attempts, Y/N hadn’t spoken to Joshua since that day. He eventually gave up and stopped calling her and would send the occasional texts to see how she was, which she would read but not respond to. Seeing the two ticks to show she was reading it was good enough for him. It’s what he’d pleaded for her to do at the very least.

She assumed Jae Hyun-nim was calling due to the statement that had been published. She let the call go to voicemail and instead took a screenshot with his number displayed and sent it off to Emma and Sian, knowing one of them would contact him. She didn’t want to have a dialogue with PLEDIS or HYBE and Sian had stressed that everything should go through her or Emma. She put the phone back on the charging pad and returned to her room to pack her bag, knowing she had a flight to NYC that evening. Lily, Sian’s first assistant since Emma’s official promotion a year ago, had sent over the flight ticket details as well as some outfit options for Y/N to choose from her various interviews in NYC. Lily would organise it so any of the outfits Y/N selects would be delivered to the JW Marriott Essex House hotel in Upper East Side, where she would be staying this time. Normally, would have a longer visit and so would have gone for one of their long stay apartments but the impromptu plans meant she would be staying in one of Marriott’s hotels instead. The next few hours passed in a blur and Y/N found herself once again on a plane.

25 January 2024

The black Porsche Cayenne lit up as the engine turned on. The car was a Christmas present to herself and she’d be paying it off for the next few years but Y/N was in love. She loved driving and one of the first things she organised was to ship her car to Seoul as soon as she decided on her move and yet, it only arrived a few days ago. Y/N was excited to take the car for a spin, having been taking taxis whenever she needed to leave her flat. She’d spent the first week in Seoul setting up the place whilst staying with Eun Ji and had to then relearn her bearings when she officially moved in. The three weeks since landing in Seoul had been tremendously busy and Y/N was excited to have a night to relax and catch up with a friend. Joshua had returned to the country only a few days ago after wrapping up the last concert of the Follow Tour in Macau. The two had been keeping each other up to date on life but it wasn’t the same as talking in person. Their last meeting hadn’t been the personal catch up they had originally planned for so to have some time together where they could speak more openly was much needed.

Y/N arrived first at the Mexican restaurant in Itaewon and had immediately ordered some nachos for the pair to munch on whilst they caught up and debated what to order. She’d just taken a sip of her virgin Pina Colada when Joshua walked in. Y/N enveloped Joshua in a warm hug, and they stayed in the embrace for a few seconds, soaking in the comfort they gave each other. As they parted, Joshua grasped Y/N’s right hand tightly and shook it in excitement.

“I can’t believe you’re now living in Seoul!”

“Me neither, Joshie!”

He looked at her tenderly before letting go of her hand to ruffle her hair as usual. She’d given up dodging this move, knowing that it was his way of showing affection. She grinned at him, the smile stretching across her face all the way to her eyes which had shrunk to accommodate the happy expression. A waiter arrived with their nachos and the pair took their seats. Joshua ordered a Margarita. They spent the next hour catching up candidly with no inhibitions in between taking sips of their drinks and crunching on the nachos. They’d ordered more drinks and food, Y/N choosing to stay sober as she didn’t trust a stranger to drive her car. It was another thing for her to become accustomed to in time but she wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

Joshua was feeling light, having let off a load from his shoulders. He’d met Y/N at a time when he really needed a friend who was removed from his world but would yet understand his trials. They were less than six months apart in age but often, he felt she was the older one and by many years. Maybe it came from their different life journeys. They’d both had their own challenges to overcome and different demons to fight. She saw him so clearly that he often felt she was his soulmate, like a twin who shared the same heart and mind. Their closeness after such a short period led to misconceptions initially, even from his bandmates. He’d been asked if they were dating, Coups being the latest one to quiz him on this when he’d shared his plans to meet Y/N. Joshua shared this anecdote with Y/N, laughing without restraint at the idea. Y/N looked disgusted at the idea, wondering what was wrong with everyone. She begged Joshua to make sure he set everyone straight.

“Don’t worry, I told him you’re like a sister. Your bias won’t have the wrong idea, so don’t hurt your pea brain worrying.”

She glared at the teasing, huffing at the elder.

“Who’s the pea brain here! I’m not the one who mistranslated that time we were out …”

The banter continued, the two bickering away, fully immersed in their own world. It was nearing 9pm when Joshua received a call.

“Coups-yah. What’s up? Me? I’m in XXX restaurant in Itaewon with Y/N. Oh, you’re nearby?”

Joshua looked at Y/N with a sly smile as he hung up on the phone. Y/N was immediately on alert.

“What have you done, Hong Jisoo?”

“Where are your manners? It’s Jisoo Oppa!”

“Pfft. Manners, my ass. I know you’ve done something that’s about to piss me off. Out with it, Joshie. Don’t test my kindness.”

He shrugged and put on an innocent look, widening his eyes and shaking his head, saying he had no idea what she was talking about. She threw a fry at his face, unfortunately missing the mark widely. This made Joshua crack up in giggles and Y/N reluctantly joined in, unable to hold on to her irritation. Y/N was going to suggest that they call it a night and head home when the bell by the door jingled. Joshua, who was facing the door, stuck his neck out to see who it was and his eyes lit up in recognition. He waved his hand at the newcomer and Y/N twisted in her seat to see who it was. It was S.Coups and with him was Jeonghan.

“Did you miss me that much? You saw me only a few hours ago when we did the Weverse live.”

Joshua said to S.Coups as the 95 liners reunited in front of Y/N. The waitress arrived and relocated them to a bigger table at the back, hiding them away from the rest of the customers. As they all took their new seats, Y/N bowed at Jeonghan and S.Coups and greeted them. She asked after their health and asked if they’d eaten. S.Coups, who was sitting opposite her, nodded whilst Jeonghan responded, “Coups bought me an expensive dinner. I wanted to go home and rest afterwards but this guy-”

Before Jeonghan could finish his sentence, S.Coups began speaking. He asked about her move and if she was properly settled in her flat.

Y/N was surprised he knew the details and it must have shown on her face, as he felt the need to clarify that he’d heard from Shua. When she looked at Joshua, he had a devious smirk on his face.

“I didn’t know you paid so much attention to what I say, Coups-yah. Jeonghan-ah, did you know Coups paid this much attention to me?”

Jeonghan, who suddenly looked wide awake, seemed to have caught on to whatever track Joshua was on and enthusiastically exclaimed, “I didn’t know either, Joshuji. I don’t remember you telling us about Y/N’s move and this is my first time seeing you since you came back.”

Turning to his left, he questioned when S.Coups had heard the news. Y/N was a little perplexed about this entire conversation. She didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but she did realise that the angel, who was really a devil in disguise when he was up to his tricks, and his best friend were on the same page and up to something. It seemed that S.Coups had also sensed the danger and looked panic for a second before saying that it might have been Vernon who mentioned it, he couldn’t remember.

Feeling sorry for the man in front of her as he pouted, she decided to answer his question to move the conversation along.

“I’ve just about settled in and I was saying to Josh earlier that my car finally arrived so I feel like I’m finally set. I’m about to abandon all of it for two weeks though. I’ll be in Japan travelling to Tokyo, Sapporo and Okinawa for work from Monday onwards.”

S.Coups nodded again at her and gave her a thousand watts thankful smile. Y/N felt her heart stutter like her old car used to whenever she’d try to speed and the sem-automatic would whine as it stayed stuck in the lower gear. His smile was too blinding and Y/N had to avert her gaze to her glass, fiddling with the stem of it as she tried her best to calm the flutters.

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you were flying out so soon! We’re on holiday for the next few weeks so I thought I could show you all my favourite places.”

Joshua was disappointed at the missed opportunity. Y/N reassured him they had plenty of time and that she’d be back on the 10th. The group enjoyed a few more drinks and Y/N slowly loosened up as she got used to the presence of the others. She didn’t see Joshua as a member of SEVENTEEN on most days. To her, he’d become family and so she didn’t get the nervousness that she got in the presence of the rest of the members. Yoon Jeonghan was too beautiful to be real and it was intimidating.

And then there was S.Coups. Well, no explanation was really needed here. This was someone she admired and found attractive. It was just a celebrity crush, she’d thought. Although she had her head screwed on and knew what she saw wasn’t a full picture of any celebrity, with S.Coups, so much of it was real. She’d gotten to know him through Joshua and the couple of interactions they did have, she’d felt sparks. She knew it was all one-sided and with time, she’d get over it. But right now, she couldn’t be sensible about it. It was the way he would stare deeply into her eyes when she spoke giving his full attention, or the way he’d poured her a glass of water when he noticed her glass was empty, or even how the corners of his mouth would twitch in amusement whenever he caught her sneaking glances at him as Jeonghan told a funny story. She was deeply attracted to the man in front of her. His tight black t-shirt and rich perfume pulled her in. When she caught herself leaning forward one too many times, she knew it was time to go home. She pulled the typical I’m-going-to-freshen-up-but-really-pay-the-bill act and found herself scolded by a whiny Joshua as they all walked her to her car.

She saw the tired, droopy frame of Jeonghan and told them all to get in, saying she’d drop them off. They tried to refuse the offer but Jeonghan must have been really tired because he got in quickly after thanking Y/N. Joshua sat upfront and inputted the address for the dorm.

“Coups-yah, are you going to stay at the dorm tonight?”

It took a beat for S.Coups to answer and the others realised he’d wanted to return to the place he shared with his brother. He said he’d call a taxi from the dorm.

“I can drop you off, I really don’t mind.”

Y/N turned into the apartment complex that housed SEVENTEEN members. Joshua and Jeonghan got out of the car and S.Coups followed. He seemed to have a non-verbal conversation with Joshua before he turned back to Y/N and asked if she was sure. She nodded and smiled gently in response.

He lightly hugged the members goodnight before getting back in the car, this time in the front seat. Joshua called out for her to text him when she got home safely and then headed in.

“And then there were two.”

“Sorry?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s a phrase in English that people would usually say when a big group would suddenly get smaller.”

She explained as she manoeuvred out of her parking spot. She pulled off and started driving towards the main road as S.Coups set the navigation to direct her to his brother’s place. It was a 20 minute drive and Y/N told herself she can behave for that long. They drove in silence that had started off comfortable but soon became filled with tension till it was stifling. She cleared her throat and suggested that S.Coups put on music if he’d like.

“You can turn on the radio or you can use my Spotify. My phone is connected via Bluetooth.”

She quickly unlocked it with her fingerprint and gestured for him to take it. He’d looked slightly stunned at her nonchalance as she gave him access to her phone. He timidly took the phone from the stand it was resting on and scrolled through the app. In the meantime, it began to play from where she’d left off earlier. Red Velvet described the throes of a crush and the longing to greet them again through the song ‘Hello, Sunset’ and Y/N blushed as she listened on. How fitting that this is the song that plays, she thought. She saw him tap along to the music as he scrolled through her phone. Their journey was elongating thanks to the traffic that was building up as the Saturday night deepened. As the song drew to a close, he tapped on the song he’d searched for and Dino’s voice blasted through the speakers. How cute, she thought as she realised he’d chosen to listen to the maknae’s mixtape, ‘Wait’. He bobbed his head along as they listened. The car had come to a standstill in front of the traffic.

“I really love this song.”

“Yes, maknae did a good job.” The pride in his voice was clear. She hummed in agreement.

“I’m sorry. Because of me, you’re delayed.”

He apologised suddenly and Y/N found herself lost in his intense stare again when she'd looked at him to respond. She inaudibly mumbled that it wasn’t a problem and that she’s going the same way. It was as if her ears had popped, all noise surrounding them dampened whilst the sound of her heartbeat grew thunderous. She couldn’t even blink, worried he’d disappear if she closed her eyes for a second. He lowered his eyes, breaking the hold on her briefly as they dipped down to her lips before returning to arrest her again. He held her breath as a prisoner. Was she imagining it or was the distance between them slowly narrowing? She had no thoughts. Her brain simply wasn’t functioning to think if this was a good idea or not. Their noses were nearly brushing when they jumped apart when the car behind honked its horn. Y/N realised the queue had eased and quickly put the car in motion. S.Coups turned to look outside the side window, his expression hidden from Y/N when she tried to take a glimpse.

They arrived at S.Coups’ place a few minutes later. Tablo’s version of ‘Eyes, Nose, Lips’ played in the background as both occupants of the car stalled, not sure whether to mention the moment shared earlier. In the end, both had decided to ignore it. S.Coups thanked Y/N for the lift. He’d gotten out of the car and walked around to her side, leaning down to speak to her. A breeze sent her a whiff of his perfume again.

“Well … thanks again.” Y/N smiled but didn’t say anything.

“I should get going. I mean, you should get going. It’s late.”

She nodded and bowed at him to take leave from the driver’s seat. She was about to roll up her windows when he called her name. With no formalities. The butterflies instantly multiplied.

“Y/N. Text me to say you’ve made it home?” It was a question but it wasn’t. She nodded, slowly then quickly.

“I saved my number on your phone. I, uh, I didn’t send myself your number.”

Who was this shy man? Was he the same person with the deep voice and passionate eyes?

“Sleep well.”

Y/N placed her keys in the enamel dish by the entrance, took off her boots and walked to her room. She texted Joshua to confirm she’d made it and wished him a goodnight. She paused for a second before she searched through her contacts. She found the newly saved number under Coups.

Saturday 27 January Hi, it’s Y/N. I made it home safely. Have a good night. 23:20 Goodnight. 23:21

A week later, Y/N was getting ready for her first date with S.Coups.

#caratsland #seventeen #seventeen fic #seventeen x reader #s.coups #seungcheol x reader #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #svt #svt x reader #svt imagines #s.coups x reader #s.coups imagines #s.coups scenarios #choi seungcheol #my writing #hello sunset

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bbanghiitomi · 9 months

Text

| lukewarm.

synopsis: you're neither cold nor warm, neither mad nor happy. you don't hate minji, and no — don't get the wrong idea, you definitely love minji even if you tell yourself you don't anymore.

— nonidol!kminji × nonidol!vballplayer!fem!reader

ʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ

"nice shirt, i noticed you have a lot of those." yeeun pointed out to minji as the tall girl pulled the hem of her shirt to fix the creases on the fabric. minji laughed and took a seat on the couch inside their friend's living room. "yeah, i do have a lot of these but i can't wear them for now." minji replied, looking down then scratching her nape with a sheepish expression.

"why not?" yeeun asked, leaning on the couch, hanni entered the living room with three cans of soda and placed it on the table. minji looked at hanni then to their classmate. "some of my clothes are still inside y/n's room." hanni laughed, covering her mouth. minji sighed as hanni tapped their classmate's shoulder. "hey, go on drink!" she said, pushing a can on the girl's hands.

"oh, i didn't know you two broke up." yeeun stated, opening the can as the sound of fiz rang inside minji's head, reminding her of the sound y/n's favorite drink makes.

"they did quite a long time ago." hanni piped in, looking at yeeun with the signature look on her face that said "can you believe that?" yeeun nodded but minji rolled her eyes and sighed. "not quite, it's only been two weeks and a half, remember when we presented our research? we've already broken up at that time." minji corrected.

"so it hasn't been that long huh?" yeeun muttered and chugged the drink. hanni shook her head and waved her hand. "well, that has to be at least the longest, because i remember when they broke up and it only lasted for like 2 days." hanni received a chuckle from yeeun and a groan from minji.

"you're so weird hanni." minji scoffed.

"but it's true, right? you act like you're not hoping to make up with her — but she's been ignoring you for days, on repeat." hanni nudged her friend, yeeun shrugged and spoke. "i did hear hiyyih mention that you once broke up with her and then got back up after a few days." yeeun remembered during one recess where hiyyih was talking with friends and mentioned your argument with minji.

minji nodded. "technically, that's true. but it's different now, it's not just a burst of negative emotions, she's serious this time. and i'm starting to think this isn't gonna get better anytime." hanni sighed. "well friend, guess what? it's not gonna be just her being moody, you can't just fix it with a date on a saturday morning."

"i never said i can. i literally saw her shitting on me on her twitter account — she even blocked me on her instagram." minji pushed her hair back and rolled her eyes. "that's probably what being sick of each other's faces gets you." she added.

yeeun looked at hanni then to minji. "well what happened? is that why you were moody after we got scolded during our presentation?" yeeun asked, placing the cold can on the table. minji nodded. "it's not really just that but mostly yeah, remember during the festival at our school?" minji asked yeeun.

it was the day after she lied to you about staying out at a classmate's house late at night for their class' stall. in reality, she was indeed helping out but most of the time was spent on drinking. she told you she was going home at 11pm and asked you to sleep — you were convinced because hell! she had you on a video call, showed you the surroundings, table and there was no fucking alcohol to be found, you even asked her classmates, specially the closest mutual; kim jiwon.

jiwon's answer was: "honestly, i don't really know — but they did go there to continue building our stall, i was informed by yeeun that they were there for a couple of hours."

so you were convinced, but it only took you two days to realize — you had a conversation with jiwon's friend during your volleyball training; naoi rei, she mentioned that she was tired from that night, that she had to come home at between 1am and 2am, they stayed over late because they weren't able to finish the stall up until 1am due to the fact they got drunk.

you were fucking pissed, you realized that was the reason minji came to school late that festival, was literally sitting behind their stall asleep, drunk 3 cups of coffee to stay awake.

and she even had the nerve to come to your class' stall and "support" you.

during the night before the research presentations, you had a conversation with her. that's where you poured out all the hidden anger you've been bottling up lately, you don't care how much she spent time watching you play volleyball — you know damn well she's doing that because she's done something stupid.

then, you started ignoring her — heck, even your homeroom teacher and hers had to get in between for the tea.

everyone, including her classmates and your classmates were surprised, you were the IT couple of the batch and it was all poured down the drain because of one stupid night.

"well, yeah. you got drunk the night before right?" minji slapped a hand on her face when yeeun mentioned it. "yes, and fuck she got so mad." yeeun scratched her head. "i thought everything was good, you even ate lunch with her the day after the festival."

"she found out i lied, and i seriously thought it was not that serious but she just bursted out mad at me." minji added, rubbing her face. hanni scoffed and hit her friend on her shoulder.

"you're lucky she just screamed at you, i would've punched you in the face, scumbag!"

yeeun laughed. "wow, no wonder she went out with wonyoung instead after they won the volleyball match."

"yeah and that's why i didn't ask you to watch, because imagine if she just spiked the ball at my face." yeeun couldn't help but laugh harder, hanni scoffed. "so what now, loser? her parents are still attached to you and the school ceremony for top student's next week, wouldn't that be awkward?" minji stared at her friend with a stone cold expression.

"i haven't even gotten my clothes yet."

hanni threw her head back and frowned. "but minji! you can have all the time to get those things back, we know y/n would return it but… dude does your parents even know what happened?"

yeeun winced. "ugh, that'll be hard."

minji nodded. "yeah, i don't think she's ever mentioned anything about it. her parents are pretty strict and care more about her education, i'm even shocked they let her be with me. i feel like she's only told them about our break up, nothing more than that."

"well good luck then." hanni stated.

minji sat by one of the chairs surrounding a round table, her eyes are on the people mingling around people, wearing smart casuals. it's the ceremony and her mom isn't somewhere to be seen, she said she'll be talking with the other guests and left minji. minji sighed.

you on the other hand preferred being with your friends, wonyoung and yoona. you really never expected anything surprising other than seeing the face of your stupid ex, you spot minji sitting beside yeeun and hanni, the two talked but minji sat there with a frown.

you snickered.

everything is supposed to be okay, until you saw your mother with minji's mom, they both approached minji and you couldn't help but wince, turning your back against the view, refusing to even get yourself involved on your mother prying over your relationship.

"minji! i haven't seen you in a long time." minji looked in front of her and saw your mother and her mom. she stood up quickly and greeted the older woman. "good evening,"

minji's mom laughed. "ah, minji's been busy doing her own stuff. by the way how's y/n doing?"

"she's joining the varsity for volleyball, i signed her up and she's getting more training than before. it's a shame really, minji would've been there to watch over my daughter."

minji laughed sheepishly. "y/n's a big girl already, don't worry i'm sure she can handle herself."

"i'm so proud of her! she's been excellent lately, i wish minji would join extra curricular activities, just to boost her qualifications for the future!" you have always been excellent, even before you had minji, even after you lost her — in the end, minji had to say it was her loss, never yours.

she had been distracted a lot after you broke up with her, meanwhile you used that as a motivation to be better than minji — you are just very petty.

she hated and loved that part of you.

so competitive.

"hey minji, visit our place anytime you can alright? we really miss you." your mom smiled at minji and patted her shoulder. "but what about y/n? it's awkward." minji spoke, scratching her nape with an airy laugh.

"don't worry about her! she's just playing hard to get, try harder maybe you can have her back." your mom winked at minji and laughed.

okay, maybe she should?

kim "idiot" minji

hey

hope you don't mind if i visit your place

i'm gonna go get my clothes and things i left

:(((

seen.

you rolled your eyes as soon as you spotted the familiar pair of shoes on the doorway, you entered and saw minji sitting on the sofa with your brother. you ignored them and walked your way to a corridor, then inside your room. minji saw you and stood up.

"hey, i'm just gonna fetch my clothes in your sister's room." minji smiled at your brother, and the younger boy shrugged. "good luck then."

it felt like throwing oneself inside a lion's den, as minji stood in front of your door, she didn't have any idea what she should say — she knows it isn't a great idea, but there are no ideas left, if she'll only be able to claim her things back, or if she'll have your heart — it would be better if comes home with both.

chances are slim of course, her image has been tainted, even with that one mistake — still, you didn't really know if your decision of breaking up with her is for the best; a part of you screamed for her to leave you alone — and the other part wished you could've had more time to get your shit back together.

you don't know whether it's too late, but you had her things already packed in case she comes back looking for them.

you heard a knock and you took deep breaths before stomping your way to the door. you found yourself shaking as you held the cold door knob, not knowing whether it's you or the air inside your room. why is it freezing cold? why are you nervous? you chose this path.

twisting the knob, your eyes met minji's round ones, her thick eyebrows that stood so prominent, catching your attention as it furrowed. minji cleared her throat. "hey, y/n… i'm sorry for barging in. i was just — i'm here to get my things that i left." you nodded at her and opened the door wider for her.

"go on, i already packed them for you." minji nodded and made her way inside. goddamnit, the smell, it hit her that she might not be coming back to this room anymore, the room she had been even before you became her girlfriend, and after everything. it's sad, she spotted her clothes, hoodies, even the notes she left packed in a box.

minji wished you hadn't done that, because first, even if you hated her, you're just way too nice — second because she wished she had more time in your room to get her shit together and think of something, just something to convince you to come back to her.

"what are you waiting for? are you just gonna stand there?" you asked. minji took deep breaths and closed her eyes before turning around to face you. "hey, y/n can we please talk about this more? i know i only came here for my clothes but — bro…" you wanted to laugh, but that'll be too mean.

you rolled your eyes and shrugged. "is there anything else left for us to discuss? i thought you said you're tired of explaining."

minji rubbed her face with her hands and groaned. "i know i did, i'm sorry that's so fucking stupid of me. but please, we were both mad and upset that time, if we were both calm, you know we can discuss it better, right?" minji pleaded, walking towards you, you scoffed — looking away from her.

"you're the only one who thinks that way, minji. and i don't have time in this world to accommodate your stupidity." now you're getting mad again. minji took deep breaths, you looked at her and frowned. "calm down—"

"shut up." you cut her off.

it was silent for at least 5 minutes, you were thinking, twice — if you would listen to her ramblings, give her a chance to redeem herself, you wanted to you just can't accept that you actually want to give her a chance because if you didn't want to, you could've kicked her out already.

you regained your posture. "say what you want to say then, before i get pissed and kick you out, throw your things on the road."

minji nodded. "thanks! i know i lied, i'm sorry, i know it hurt you, sorry for not trusting you because you really did trust me a lot and i broke it. i lied because i know that it was wrong, i was scared you might get mad at me now i learned my lesson! was there another time where i lied to you? if yes — i'm so sorry y/n please forgive me! i'll do anything just to have you back, even if i tell myself that i'm fine without you. i know i'm not! and i admit that it's my loss, that you can live a life the same way, even better without me — but it's the opposite for me."

no, minji has never lied to you other than that time — because you're a very petty person okay? you hold grudges for over a long time, minji knows that, you remember when someone did you wrong; you'll take that to your grave, swearing to never forget. maybe that's why it's serious for you, because she built your trust over the time, you loved her because you know she would never, and she had never lied to you; that time you found out, it didn't make sense because why would she lie?

"i know, you never lied to me other than that time — but that's why i felt that way right? i don't understand why you lied, because you never did before and there is no reason why you should! i can't explain it, because i never imagined you to be that type of a lover, so when reality hit me that if you got the chance again, you'd make me an idiot again. and i wouldn't want that to be my cycle." you had a lot of pride, because in all honesty, you can proudly say you have never lied to her.

minji knows your schedule, you always tell her what you are up to, your plans — when you stay out late, you exactly tell her what for! and when she demands that she takes you home, you allow her.

there's no reason for you to be scared of what clapback minji has; because she has none.

"i can still be your honest lover, i swear! and no promises, but you can always remember what i'm saying right now. i would never lie to you ever again. mark my words, kill me if i do again, i'll let you." you laughed, minji was serious — but you laughed, because you know you will seriously kill her if she does lie again.

"don't worry i will." you scoffed. minji smiled. "i'm sorry, babe?" minji didn't hesitate, you gave her a blank stare as she gave you those puppy eyes. you huffed and turned around, you had your bacm facing her you let her be as she embraced you in a hug, resting her chin your shoulder while gently rocking you.

"i'll get back at you okay? we can study together here for the whole month." minji pouted, you looked at her and shrugged, a blush creeping up on your cheeks. "whatever." minji chuckled and kissed your cheek. "i love you."

you sighed. "hmmm… yeah me too."

at the end of the day, you still love minji, even if she's a huge idiot, sometimes an asshole — you have to admit that you had a burst of emotion that night you broke up with her, you still think it's valid though. but yeah, minji is a good lover, you just hope she doesn't do something stupid ever again.

minji snuggled close to you, holding you with her big hands. you're still putting up a wall though, she's not gonna get the satisfaction of seeing you all over her again for a week or two.

you have to show her who's the boss.

and it's you.

#female reader #kpop imagines #newjeans #newjeans imagines #kpop #hanni #girl group #kim minji #newjeans minji #minji

181 notes · View notes

heavyhitterheaux · 2 years

Text

Official Girl

AN: Never mess up a good thing when you have all you want right in front of you

Synopsis: There isn’t an official title as to what you and Jack are even though you have been seeing each other for a few months. When you catch sight of a viral video that he is involved in, you have to make a decision on if you want to make it official with him or move on.

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Requested by: my baby boo @bsisbsjssjs 😘😘

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

You glanced at the clock on your nightstand as you were awoken by hearing the key turn to the front door of your condo.

It was around three in the morning and as exhausted as you were, you threw the thick comforter off of you and made a dash towards the living room.

You didn’t even give him a chance to set his bags down as you jumped into his arms kissing him all over his face.

“Hey baby girl. What are you doing up?”

“I heard the door open and decided I didn’t want to wait any longer to see you.”

You breathed in his familiar scent that you had missed so much.

It had been at least a month since you had seen him and you were trying to take this moment in.

He kissed your forehead before setting you back down and closing the door behind him.

“I come with gifts.”

“Ooh! Let me see!”

“But, first, you need to sleep.”

“But...”

“Nope, you were the one who told me last night how you’ve been having a hard time sleeping. Now that I’m here, I’m going to make sure you get sleep.”

“Jackkkk.”

“Stop it mamas. I’ll be here when you wake up and then you get me all week.”

“All week?”

Jack nodded while you were still in disbelief.

The longest that he ever stayed with you at one time was three days, now the fact that he was adding four days to that had you over the moon.

“And no one is interrupting us for anything?”

“My phone will be on DND. You have my word.”

“Then to sleep I go.”

You had laid down as Jack took a shower and got comfortable and eventually had laid down beside you bringing you in close to him.

The two of you had been talking for a few months when he slid into your DM's on instagram.

You weren't necessarily famous, but you did have connections to some famous people.

You lived in Atlanta after all.

And would host parties at different clubs.

The latest had been for Megan Thee Stallion last week.

In short, you were what people would consider an Instagram baddie and influencer.

Jack had stumbled across your account one day when he first saw one of your pictures on his explore page.

And that was all she wrote.

There wasn't exactly an official title to go along with what you two were, however, once you two began to talk, everyone else was immediately cut off.

There was something about him that constantly had your stomach swarming with butterflies.

You wanted for that feeling to stay for the long haul.

But, you still remained loyal. Since you would host these parties, the last thing that you would want to happen is to be linked to another celebrity.

We all know how people talk and have no context as to what is actually happening.

But everyone knew since there was no secret being kept.....

Y/N was Jack Harlow's girl and you better respect that if you knew what was good for you.

That meant that you were completely off limits.

You weren't sure if not having a title to what your relationship was actually bothered you, but the two of you were having fun.

Eventually the title would come along so that wasn’t really something you thought about all the time or dwelled on.

"Baby girl, go to sleep."

You admit that you had simply been tracing his features with your lavender acrylic nails ever since he laid down next to you.

His eyes were closed, but that didn't stop your movements.

"I am. It's just my baby is so handsome and I can't help but to stare."

He instantly turned red.

"Come on stinkkkk. Stopppp."

"You are so cute when you get all flustered. I need to do it more often."

"No what you need to do is take your ass to sleep so you can have some energy for me later."

You immediately rolled your eyes.

"I'll always have enough energy for you."

"We'll see about that later."

"Oh, one more thing."

Jack peeked open one eye to look at you.

"I have a club appearance tonight."

"Where at baby?"

"Magic City."

"In other words, you want me to go with you?"

"Yes, please! And then we can stay in my bed the rest of the week."

"That does sound tempting."

"Besides, a few people have been asking for you and when you would be back. So just come and show your face and then I can ride your face."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, cardib, champagnepapi, and 368,291 others

yourinstagramname: who's coming to party with me at Magic City tonight?

jackharlow: can't wait mamas 😏

normani: okay sis I see you 👀

jackharlowsource: that can only mean one thing.... jackharlow is back in Atlanta!

magiccity: yourinstagramname only the best for our man jackharlow hook him up

yourinstagramname: magiccity oh imma hook him up alright only exclusive VIP for my baby jackharlow 😘

urbanandjack24: yeahhh they fuckin 🤭

Just as he promised, Jack made an appearance along with the rest of PG and you had set them up in one of the best VIP rooms.

Even though you wanted to be spending time with your man, you still had a job to do.

And you wouldn't be staying too much longer anyway and you were looking forward to having him to yourself.

You just got finished making your rounds throughout the club when you headed over to the VIP area.

Jack was currently in a conversation with Urban as you made your way to him.

He promptly placed you on his lap as they continued to talk to one another.

With one hand on the small of your back and the other on your thigh Jack leaned in closer to you to be able to whisper in your ear.

Not that he would have cared if anyone else had heard him, but still.

"You not leaving nothing to the imagination tonight in that dress are you?"

"Hmm, I knew you would like it. I bought it with you in mind."

"And I just know you aren't wearing anything underneath."

Jack quickly reached underneath your dress between your thighs to brush his fingers against your folds making you let out a small whimper making him smirk.

Thank goodness no one was paying attention to either of you.

"My baby is already so wet and eager, huh?"

"I have to stay for at least thirty more minutes."

Jack was now full on fingering you as you sat on his lap in front of everyone.

He loved being able to have this type of control over you and you weren't complaining one bit.

"You have to stay for thirty minutes but did they tell you what you had to occupy that time?"

"Hmm, no."

"Didn't think so. Those thirty minutes will consist of you sitting on my lap and me making you cum over and over again right in the middle of everyone in VIP. Keep quiet or I'll stop." Jack replied while kissing your neck right below your ear.

"You gonna be a good girl and keep quiet?"

"You won't hear a sound."

As promised, Jack had spent the entire week with you before continuing with performing at festivals.

He made sure to send you something from every country that he visited and that was something that you were able to look forward to every day.

Those packages came like clockwork.

He would always take the time out to make sure that you knew how important you were to him and that was something that could always bring a smile to your face.

You were taking some time out for yourself this weekend and just decided to stay home and not be bothered with the nightlife of downtown Atlanta.

You loved being around your friends and hosting parties, but sometimes it got to be overwhelming.

And truth be told, you were really missing your man.

He wanted for you to come with him, but with the way your schedule was set up it didn’t quite happen that way.

However, when the CHTKMY tour kicked off in September, you would definitely be there right alongside him.

You were deep into your favorite Harry Potter movie, Prisoner of Azkaban when your phone went off indicating that you had a notification on your Twitter account.

Being curious, you clicked on it to see what it was and your stomach instantly sank.

It was a video.

Of a girl.

In the club.

Along with your man.

The two of them looked to be in a conversation with her hands all over him and his hands all over her.

Then it looked as if he leans down to kiss her.

what.the.actual.fuck.

You weren’t quite sure what to make of the video in front of you and had to watch it several times to watch their interaction.

Your eyes couldn’t help but to water at the sight and you were left confused.

Was all of him saying that you were the only one for him a lie?

But, it couldn’t have been a lie.

He has literally never given you a reason to believe he would somewhat “cheat” on you if that is what you would call it at this point.

You were wracking your brain of trying to think if you had done something wrong, but kept coming up short.

Looking at your relationship as a whole, everything was fine.

You had just talked to him earlier that morning and he had just got done performing in Australia.

He mentioned that he missed you and that he would text you when he woke up.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary about the conversation at all.

And then you began to scroll through the comments.

A big mistake on your part.

Uhh, isn’t he with y/n? who is this girl?

y/n, baby come get your man

y/n, I can treat you right! drop him!

nuh uh, jack is dead wrong. y/n your man got you out here looking STUPID.

After scrolling through the comments for about an hour, you were tired of crying and simply dried your face.

Fine, if he wanted to act like he was single, you could do the exact same thing.

You got up from your bed and made your way to the bathroom and proceeded to get ready.

Even though you hadn’t talked to your ex Jordan in awhile, you decided to hit him up to see what he was up to. Looks like you were actually going to go out after all.

You- Jordan, baby! You busy tonight?

Jordan- Hey miss lady! I’m actually near Magic City, but we’re about to head over to Blue Flame.

You- Bet! I’m getting ready now and I’ll see you there.

Jordan- Save a dance for me mamas.

You- Only the best for you.

Jack had another thing coming if he thought he was going to be out in these streets making you look stupid.

You had spent the night with Jordan and made sure that people were taking pictures and posting them to their social media.

You wanted for Jack to feel the exact same pain that you had felt.

Jack had been texting you as well as calling you, but you were doing everything to occupy your time so that you wouldn’t have to answer him.

It wasn’t until you were sitting down on your couch on a Tuesday evening and you heard the door opening.

Well fuck.

He wasn’t supposed to be back at least for another four days.

Jack calmly walked in to see you simply scrolling through your phone and you didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

That’s what set him off.

“Y/N..”

“Yes?”

“You have something that you want to tell me?”

“Hmm, no. Do you have something that you want to tell me?”

“Cut the bullshit. What the hell is wrong with you? We were good before I left and all of a sudden we aren’t.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Y/N, I don’t. Why the hell do you think I just caught a red eye flight to come see you to make sure that you were okay?!”

“Well go back to that stupid ass bitch you were all over in the club last week!”

“Wait, what?”

“You fucking heard me Jackman. If you want to be out here acting single and embarrassing me, by all means do not think for a second that I can’t do the same thing.”

“Baby, what are you talking about? I wasn’t all over anybody! You can ask Urban or anyone who was with me! Why the fuck would I do that to us?”

“Then what the hell is this?!”

You pulled up the video and shoved your phone towards Jack who finished watching it in silence.

Once it was over he calmly handed the phone back to you.

“Oh, so you mighty quiet now.”

“That video is from a club appearance I did in 2020.”

“Wait, what? No, it was posted...”

“It was originally posted in October 2020 if you would have read it correctly. It seems as if it’s gone viral again and that’s why it came up on your timeline.”

“Uhh..”

“You fucked him, didn’t you?”

“Jack, wait a minute...”

“Nah, I’m not waiting for anything. You were so hellbent on me cheating on you when in fact you could’ve just asked me. I was worried about you and then I see you posting up with your ex on your instagram page? Over something that happened before we even met?”

“Baby...”

“You honestly think I would do that?”

“I... I got scared.”

“Answer my question, Y/N.”

“I know now that you wouldn’t.” You responded while looking down at your hands. You couldn’t even look him in the eye because you felt so guilty.

All you could see was a look of hurt flash across Jack’s face as he was trying to take this all in.

You had fucked up.

Big time.

“And to think I was talking to Urban and told him that I wanted to be exclusive with you and officially make you my girl when I got back.”

“But, you still can. Baby, please.”

“I.. Y/N, I don’t think I want anything to do with you anymore.”

“Jack, come on. We can fix this.”

“It wouldn’t have to be fixed if you would have just asked me. I love being around you and have told you that ever since we met.”

��I can make this up to you.”

Jack scoffed.

“How? How am I supposed to be in a relationship with you since you’ve now told me that you don’t trust me?”

That was about two months ago and you had been depressed ever since.

Jack had completely cut you off.

You tried calling, texting, Facetime, tagging him in your posts, but he would never say anything.

You really hurt yourself in the long run, but you were more concerned on how much you had hurt Jack.

You still made your club appearances from time to time and hosted parties, but it didn’t feel the same.

Anytime that Jack had been in Atlanta, he would purposely avoid you and any of the people who were linked to you.

They all noticed the shift when it happened, but neither you or Jack had opened up about as to why.

Everything had been going so well and you had been on top of the world.

All for it to come crashing down around you and losing the person that you wanted most in the process.

Your therapist had become very concerned about you and she gave you the task of leaving your house for at least an hour on the days that you didn’t work just to get some fresh air.

Today you were going to go to a small café that was near your condo and treat yourself to a mocha cappuccino. Those always seemed to lift your spirits when you needed it the most.

But, you weren’t going to get into how Jack looked up the recipe because he knew how much you loved it and practiced making it for you until he got it just right.

He would make it for you every time that he would come to see you.

And no matter how hard you tried to make it yourself while he was away, it just wasn’t the same.

You hadn’t had one since the two of you had cut ties that night.

You were now sipping your drink and walking along the busy Atlanta streets when you saw him.

Jack.

The both of you made eye contact and you weren’t quite able to read the expression on his face.

Urban was with him and noticed that Jack had stopped talking midway in his sentence. He followed Jack’s gaze and saw you.

You wanted to disappear into thin air.

To Urban you were probably forever going to be known as the girl who broke his best friend’s heart and you would never be able to stomach that thought.

You were trying to walk past him when he suddenly brushed his fingers with yours and grabbed your hand.

“Uhh, hi.”

“Hi.”

“Um, I’ve been thinking and I’ve been wanting to talk to you about what happened.”

You simply nodded as he spoke.

This was the most interaction that you two have had in months.

“I figured you wouldn’t.” You replied being honest.

Jack had then pulled you to the side so that no one would be able to hear the conversation.

“Just, can I come over later? I have to get my clothes anyway.”

Welp, that made your heart sink.

“Yeah, just text me before you do.”

“Okay.”

That had been earlier this morning and you nerves were shot.

You tried to distract yourself as best as you could as you waited for a text from Jack, but nothing was working.

Jack- I’m outside in the parking garage

Your heart skipped a beat

You- The door will be open for you

Jack softly opened the door and was met with you buried in a blanket burrito with Harry Potter playing once again in the background.

“I... um... got your clothes together for you. I can run and get them.”

“That would be good.”

You went into your bedroom and grabbed the bag that was at the top of your closet.

You made your way back out to the living room and simply handed it to him.

“I.. I have to ask...”

“Hmm?”

“Will there ever be a chance of us getting back together?” You asked as your eyes began to water and all you could hear was Jack taking a deep breath.

“Jack, please. Nothing like that will ever happen again.”

“And how do I know that?”

“You just have to trust me.”

“Oh, the same way that you trusted me?”

“Okay, I deserved that.”

“Look, Y/N, I just don’t know right now if that’s the best thing for us. That was some fucked up shit you pulled.”

“And I’ve been beating myself up over it every day. Believe me.”

“I’d rather us just be friends. Who knows maybe we can try in the future but for right now, no.”

Jack was met with silence and you were doing everything in your power to not cry in front of him.

“Okay, that’s better than nothing, I guess.”

“I was starting to fall in love with you and to have you do that to me? I can’t go through that again.”

“Wait, you love me?”

“I thought I was making it obvious, but I guess not.”

You simply sighed.

“I’ll be here until next Thursday, but... thanks for my clothes.”

You nodded as he got up from the couch to make his way to the door.

“I’ll see you later.”

You closed the door behind him and started to cry silently to yourself.

You had messed up a good thing and there was no one to be mad at but you.

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the-bjd-community-confess · 2 months

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I have very poor impulse control (thanks ADHD hyperfixation brain) and when I first got into this hobby I kept buying dolls and putting them on credit cards, then paying them off slowly as I worked and got paid (at the time I was helping my mom with her job, which is essentially building parts for a factory in our garage, so I could pretty much get paid whenever I got asked to, as long as I had helped build within that particular time period and kept track of the number of parts I built) Well even with that I maxed out my credit cards so I cooled it off for a bit to work on paying them down. I'm still working on that, but now I've moved and started a "real" job where I only get paid once a month so it's a lot harder to just constantly pay off a little chunk every ~two weeks like I had been so it's slow going.

Furthermore, I still have poor impulse control and I've joined a couple pre-orders (with the longest possible layaways ofc). I was thinking about it and counting them up, and I already have over 15 dolls (some of which I had to leave in a storage unit when I moved) even though I only joined the hobby last summer. There's only ~8 that I've put on my doll instagram (where I already have a good chunk of followers/ friends that I've made through sales and engagement and stuff) and talk about because I'm paranoid that people will think I'm horribly irresponsible and/or spoiled and wealthy for having so many dolls in such a short period of time, since I'm pretty open about being new to the hobby. It sucks because the dolls I bought I genuinely like and am excited about, but I feel like I have to spread out "introducing" them to my instagram so people don't judge me for being rich and buying a bunch of shit (I'm NOT I'm just STUPID but I don't want people to think that EITHER)

I went to a doll convention a bit ago and got kind of weird responses even about having eight dolls already like? I'm sorry I actually am really irresponsible but please like me and be my friend anyway ToT

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #BJD Collections #Finances #Health #BJD Meets #Pos

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pliablehead · 7 months

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I guess if I want to write a travelogue/write up post about my 4-stop journey following the first chunk of Everything Everything's 2023 US tour then I have to just... do it!! If this is of interest to anyone other than me then GREAT and if not then it's still special to me to try to write down and remember everything I can uwu

FIRST STOP WASHINGTO-- wait, no, actually, first stop, on my way out of town, the local donut shop in my neighborhood, a place that I absolutely adore and patronize all the time with staff who mostly know me by now/some of whom are my instagram friends/etc. i'd checked with the Pittsburgh venue ahead of time to see if it was okay to send in outside food as a gift to the band even though they have a cafe/bar in their own right, and whoever I corresponded with said it would be totally fine, so I talked to the donut shop manager and set up a delivery of a dozen for the lads for Saturday before their show here. advance paid for that, as well as getting my own breakfast and coffee hehe, and then hit the road. OKAY FOR REAL FIRST STOP WASHINGTON DC!!! This was the second-longest leg of my Car Driving and it was definitely a wee bit exhausting but I had a podcast or two and a ton of E E on shuffle to bolster me through and I made it to my mom's friends' house, where I was staying, with relative ease. The venue was within a not-too-unreasonable walking distance too so after a change of clothes (I had very distinct and deliberate Show Outfits for each night that were fully separate from my travelin' clothes) and a bunch of fussing with the bracelets™ I headed over!! stopped for empanadas and a smoothie on the way and then queued up!!

aaaaahh this was such a nice fun queue. I was maybe about a dozen-ish people back from the front, down about half a block, and once I finished scarfing down my food this was my first real experience with doling out the bracelets. so fun! I'm glad it was basically an instant hit! AND I even got a few trades in this queue--one person gave me a Man Alive / Tin / E E bracelet with teeny tiny beads, super fun, and one person with a SHITTON of kandi stuff gave me one that had the name of a flower genus on it?? i think they said it was?? I love the colors on this one! And one person traded me a Blow Pop. lmao. I should eat that before it sits in my fanny pack for too long. I also really enjoyed chatting with the two guys right in front of me (Nick and Alex?), who were from south-central PA and had a couple other fandom touchstones in common with me (mcelroys/dnd/BDG! I love this Venn diagram!!) as well as a big love for E E. We didn't really see much of each other beyond the point of getting inside but I liked y'all a lot!! Hope you had as great a time as I did!!

Black Cat is where I saw E E the first time I EVER SAW THEM, which was almost exactly six years ago from this gig, which is insaaaane. The space is kind of narrow so there's not a huge amount of stage barrier space right at the front, so Becky and I ended up pretty much at the front but almost aa-all the way stage left/Jeremy-side. coulda been worse hehehe. We kind of loitered and chatted with nearby folks, I think maybe becky checked out merch ahead of the show ? but I kind of just held down the fort, enjoying setup stuff, pete running around etc hehe. getting BLASTED by the AC, which was nice.

the ummmm the opener! our first experience with Pierre! I gotta say his general style is not for me, despite the fact that I do think he's very talented and good at the thing he's doing. this first night especially he was SO sweaty and I felt bad for him lmao, you could like see it dripping off him. i am so curious as to why/how he got paired with the boys for this tour, like, what aligned in such a way that this match was made, because my general vibe on the crowd/his audience/etc was that we the fans of the nerdy white english mathy rocker guys were not exactly his demo LOL. BUT i will say in DC I do think he had one little pocket of strong-contingency fans because I kept hearing big whoops and cheers coming from one specific audience spot and I loved that for him lmao. for some reason i cannot explain I actually almost found his backing/support musician guy (the guy who was basically his version of peter) more compelling. I wanna know THAT dude's story lol.

so when he finished up we had a little interlude aaaannndd the setlist appeared... hehe. I could def have peered up to look at it from where I was, but I was telling myself I wanted to be surprised, and was deliberately looking away........ until suddenly everyone around me was gasping and going HOLY SHIT and I was like, ugghhh okay, I will check JUST enough to figure out what that's all about, and what that was all about was immediately apparent because smack in the middle of the set were a Man Alive track (which we never get in the states bar MY KZ) and something that just said "New Song." AND LIKE, OKAY, THAT'S A JUSTIFIED HOLY SHIT. new song????? so now we had THAT to contend with coming up, and aaaaaaah. ahh. yeah holy shit indeed.

it's also while we're standing there that AG pops into view, (or maybe I first spotted him during Pierre's set? Chronology is irrelevant), back off behind Becky from me in the other direction, and we waved over at him to say hi and he says to us, "All four of them are bleached blond." And my gut instinct was to be like, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, but also the truth in my heart was that there was absolutely no justification for not believing them, because of course they would, and sure enough these bozos roll out onto the stage and they are all four draco malfoy-ass bleach blond. God it looks a mess on Jeremy LOL and while the color/dye job wasn't bad on Alex, it was clear his finer hair wasn't holding up as well against the chemicals because it was just a fluffy riot mess. BUT GOD IT WAS REALLY SO INCREDIBLY STRIKING OF A VISUAL for them to be all be wearing all pure white/beige clothes and then to have this bleach-white hair and all of it catching and glowing under the stage lights... god... clearly the effect they were going for and it WORKED, IT REALLY DID. I think it looks so damn goofy (mostly on jez) out of context but it's ABSOLUTELY nailing the Everything Everything Gig Costumes energy/uniform thing that I felt like they'd drifted away from a little the past couple tour cycles, I'm so incredibly here for it

The set!!!! The gig!!!!!!! it wasn't a wildly different set from what we'd seen in CA last year, obviously RDF-heavy supplemented with a heaping helping of singles from the other albums too, but I remember thinking Leviathan and Pizza Boy were especially excellent aaaah. And Schoolin'! And the NEW SONG! The two pieces of it I IMMEDIATELY absorbed and retained were 'the image of a little yellow face to tell you that I'm sorry' and 'I love you like an atom bomb,' and I was spouting those two pieces back to anyone who wanted to talk to me about it for the rest of the night. I'm so lyrics-pilled/vocalist-biased. Which was.... Unfortunate, for this DC gig, because I do think the audio mix was pretty rough - at least from where we were standing so close to the front, I wonder if it was at least a tiny bit better further back into the crowd in the area the sound system was probably primarily calibrated for - and we were REALLY losing Jon in the mix, especially underneath how enthusiastically the crowd was singing along a lot of the time. We were on Jeremy's side of the stage and we were really just getting a LOT of Jeremy. (Which, the bass did sound absolutely fantastic, so hard to complain about that, at least, but still.) I was very thankful to be going to a few more gigs beyond this one so that this wasn't my only experience with it, especially New Song!!! Plus there were a bunch of other little tech difficulties too? Near the beginning of the new song, Jon's guitar strap came detached and wouldn't reconnect, and after struggling a bit with that he decided to just drift back and pass it off the stage to their tech guy--but he was still kind of singing/holding the mic, so as he moved on stage, the mic cable yanked the microphone stand straight over, too. Then the rest of the night that stand was pretty precarious and nearly fell two other times, only caught at the last minute by a true homie who was standing directly in front of it in the audience lmao. I think Becky yelled HIRE HIM! at one point. Annnnd also for like a whole verse of NOTLK jez's bass boards just kind of Gave Up. He tried switching to his other instrument but that wasn't working either, and then finally it all sort of came back online, so he played a little stretch with the wrong bass and then was able to switch back to the right bass when there was a lull in his part. SHAMBLES. lmfao. god it was a great gig though. SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK I LOVE BAND UWAAAAAHH I WAS SO SWEATY AND HAPPY

afterrrr da gig, we needed very badly to drink water and so we managed to do that I believe, and we kind of loitered in the Merch Line Situation trying to figure out what was going on. I had kind of resolved not to buy merch until at least NY, part because I really didn't want to be lugging anything around with me for too much of my trip (esp on this night where I walked) and part because I'd read a post that Irving Plaza was among the venues who'd committed to not taking a cut of band merch sales and letting them keep it all, and I was like, well obvi that's where I want to spend my money. Plus it was cash only in DC and since I'd kind of told myself NY I didn't even have cash out, so it was nothing. BUT!!! homie Adrian whomst I had met at the DC Foals show last December had been there, a few people ahead of me in the queue and also rocking out yaayyy, and he was trying to get merch but the ATM inside the venue literally did not have any more cash left inside it to dispense because everyone was taking out so much of it to buy merch AAAH. so he reached out to me like 'you're going to more shows than just this one right?' and asked if I'd pick him up the stuff he wanted later and then mail it to him so he didn't have to contend with international shipping and I was like aaaah absolutely! yay gig comradeship!

so I think becky finally committed to getting in the merch line and I was mostly just waiting With Becky and there weren't a ton of people left because the venue was trying to clear out, but the handful of us who were still there, a wild Alex Robertshaw appeared up near the stage/bar. we vibed out whether he was receptive to Fan Bothering at this time but it seemed legit, so a bunch of us went over and socialized with him and took some pics, got some signatures, etc, woooo. We tried to vibe out from him also if the other guys were gonna be coming out, and when and where, but y'all know Alex is the awkwardest member of this band by a country mile and we didn't really have too coherent of a discourse at this point in time lmao. Not sure who talked to him about what at this point as I was just trying to hold down the fort and be Normal. I was able to give Alex the bracelet I'd made for him at this point (he was so cute studying on it and reading it ahaha - "rave-- kevin-- kevins rave KEVIN'S RAVE" and he smiled and I felt cool), and also meanwhile Pete was still running around stage doing roadietech type stuff and I sort of politely flagged him down like "do what you need to do if you need to do it but also: Hi lol" and I got to give him his bracelet as well! yay ♥. He complimented my shirt--I'd been getting a lot of compliments on it honestly, it's their Yellow Bird Project shirt that Jon designed some time ago, only I replaced the plain white sleeves of the original unisex tee with some sort of vermilion "girly fit" sleeves that are more comfy to me and kind of give the shirt a different look haha--and I sort of joked on that, said as much, oh, I swapped the sleeves out, "It's to cover up how sweaty I get." and Pete gave me a deadpan look and went "You don't even want to go there with me" and I was like "YEP I FEEL MUCH THE SAME" and I think we both enjoyed a moment of feeling very Seen about the sweatiness hehehehehe. I love Pete he is my heckin Friend With no additional merch purchases (merchases) (hm, no) the venue was finally for realsies ejecting us so we drifted back out into the streets and just like... okay... now what........ this was the point at which I think our Band Groupie-ing Crew became me, Becky, Danielle in the fox ears/tail, and a lanky youth named S.P. whom I'd talked to in line earlier while doling out bracelets (he had the good E E baseball cap; he asked for an Arc bracelet and I commended him for being an Arc fan, since I feel like they are a dwindling/rarer breed, and then I offered up my hot take that Violent Sun is just the second coming and second pass at Duet, which he thought was spicy, and then he asked for my most controversial E E take and I told him that I don't really like Tin very much and he told me he doesn't really like Shark Week very much and we agreed to disagree and have a good night LOL) (anyway I digress !). It was a warm enough night and none of us really had places to be so we didn't mind just loitering and trying to suss out some more Guys other than just Alex and Pete, but slowly but surely we became basically the only fans left sticking it out. so we stuck together! We split up to try to find if there was a rear stage door at the back and SP and I went one way (the long way RIP) and Becky and Danielle went the other way and it turns out the way that SP and I went was an alleyway just FULL of rats. Too many rats in DC!! People like to talk about rats in NYC but I saw WAY more in Washington just vibing out on the sidewalks and eating trash. I'm not anti-rat, they live there and deserve to live, but oh man it was just. I did not especially want a rat encounter LOL. The rat alley DID actually lead us to where the bus was though!!, but there was also a venue security guy there who was immediately like "Nope, back up, leave, bye" and we were like. understood have a nice day, and doubled around a different way to meet back up with the other two. wwwwelp.

We loitered a bunch more and eventually saw Alex and his homies like, AT LEAST two more times, but we ultimately never saw anyone else. They p much confirmed for us that because this was the first night of the tour, they had a really intense load-out, and everyone was jetlagged to all fuck, that they probably wouldn't ever make it out, even though at least once Alex had said something ambiguous/optimistic enough to imply that they might yet, but really it just got SO late that we couldn't justify still being there for nothing instead of being like. asleep. lol. SP and Danielle got rideshares, Becky and I walked back as far as her hotel together, and then I hiked the rest of my way back too and went the fuck to SLEEP!!! FIRST GIG IN THE BOOKS!! WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT GOD IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO BE SEEING THEM AGAIN ngl I think the blond is really attractive on Mike with his darker brows/beard and I'm always a sl*t for jonathan so like. beautiful. finally some delicious fucking food

it was super nice of my mom's friend to let me stay with him!!! I was so delighted to see his cats again, I remembered them from the last time I was there like six or so years ago, they're sooooo floofy and beautiful aahh. he also provided me with a white noise fan without me even asking which was SO choice. zzzzz. My plan was to get up in the morning, get coffee someplace nearby at wherever he recommended, and then hit the road forrrr... Philadelphia!!! Night two!!!! I got some breakfast tacos at a hella legit place, messed up my coffee/milk/sugar ratio ever so slightly but not in an undrinkable way, and then frickin. autobot rolled out. This drive was not bad at ALL, I timed it pretty much exactly like I planned it to, which was to: get to my friend's place where I was crashing in philly with, ideally, enough time to take a small nap before I had to do anything else, because, god, despite being pretty exhausted and sleeping okay on the nice guest bed in DC, I had BARELY slept the night before I left just from Travel Antsiness and from both staying up way later and waking up way earlier than I meant to unintentionally, and a second little recharge zzz before I went and did it all over again really hit the spot.

It was soooo nice to see Mads again and to see Mr. Angus and also meet BENNY!! More host cats!! They are suuuch silly good little lads, Mads and I had a ton of Kitty Chat and just vibing out and talking about concerts and fandom and stuff, I was so thankful she let me stay with her and getting to hang out was icing on the cake of this trip! She pointed me toward the trolley I'd need to take to get to the venue, and after my baby snzzz and drinking a ton of water and suiting up in my Arc-inspired look (literally just a sweatshirt dress I bought specifically because it was color-blocked very very much like the jackets/outfits they toured Arc in, I saw it and bought it immediately lmfao) I journeyed into the city, hoping to just find a place to eat in the vicinity of the gig! I was way closer up in the queue this time, the people in front of me were really just like.... the usual suspects, Annika+squad and David+squad (incl. Becky, who'd apparently already been there when I got there but wasn't there when I arrived), and also a super-nice woman immediately in front of me named Robin who I MEGA hit it off with!!! Hanging out with her was such an awesome part of my experience at this gig!!! she's COMPLETELY Offline which is so powerful for her but I hope there's some capacity in which we can continue to be friends because she ruled.

There was a Dominican(? I think) place like one block down from the venue where a couple in front of me had gotten some stuff and so I ran down there to snag food too and holy shit this man gave me so much goddamn food. Just a HUGE pile of rice and beans and some pork ribs, and I got a pineapple fanta, and I just popped a squat on the sidewalk and ate as much of it as I could which was probably not even half of what he gave me but it wasn't even that expensive so god bless. Once I wasn't dealing with my food sitch any more I was freed up to pass out a bunch of bracelets again, and I even got a couple more trades, one that was just a bunch of black beads and a bunch of Xs and one that says 'BUSSY' which I am elated about, thank you so fucking much lmao. Also someone offered to trade me an ibuprofen LOL and I was like no that's fine the bracelet can be free... for now, but I will keep that in mind if I change my mind later LOL aaahhh i was just so excited to give the bracelets out it was such a good vector for socializing and making Friends and Gig Buddies. I did learn p quickly at Philly that I should have made way more Man Alive, GTH, and Raw Data feel bracelets because those were basically the first to go every night and then I got stuck with just sad unloved Re-Animators and AFDs :( I was trying to like! do equal amounts of everything to give everything the love because I love them all! but people got favorites out there damn lmao. I was happy to be able to give Robin the MY KZ one because she said that's the first song she ever heard by them and it's special to her because of that (and then also it's been in the touring set and she got to hear them perform it too yay!!! I don't remember if she said she'd seen them before but it had just been a very very long time, or what, idk, aaaah).

We were R I G H T on the stage at this venue, slightly more to Alex's side this time, and the lip/rise of the stage was not very high at ALL and it felt almost like... intimidating, or like it shouldn't have been ALLOWED, for us to be that close to the stage. :flushed emoji: jeez lmao. I didn't fuck w merch here either but some people around me did I think and I held their spots, and a nice kid from right behind me in the queue brought me a Liquid Death which was so incredibly sweet. Pierre's set passed much as it had in DC, lmao; his other musician guy had a sweet fit on, though, this like two-piece set that was a really really dark/muted camo, a blazer over a black top and then matching like athleisure-fit pants and black boots, it was a fuckin look. They had a song at the very end of Pierre's Philly set that I don't think they'd done in DC (and that I didn't get in PGH either, it turned out), and ironically that was actually probably far and away the song of his I enjoyed the most, so I got kind of into it there at the end! but MAN was I ready to see the boys instead. hnnnn.

LADS SO CLOSE TO ME. JUST RIGHT THERE AND SINGING AND ROCKING. the set was aaaalmost exactly the same as DC, but in Philly they shifted Bad Friday up out of the encore and back into the set proper, and then replaced it in the encore with Violent Sun, which I admit I'd been bummed to not see in DC because I think the Violent Sun/No Reptiles encore double whammy is so incredibly crucial to the vibe. Warmed me to have it back in. Obviously Pittsburgh had so many other contributing factors that put it over the edge, but if it weren't for all of those, I think Philly would've been my favorite/best experience of these four gigs. Jon was spicy (he sang so many of the Original Rejected naughty lyrics, this is where we got 'he's a vegetable now' for the first and only time and also the only gig of the four where he leaned into the 'Arch Jeremy' gag in Arch Enemy, hehehehe, plus also motherfuckin' distant past which is not uncommon), and we got way more of the New Song-- through the whisper network of Becky, AG, David, etc., etc., we'd pieced together enough info to know by now that apparently the title of the song was in the lyrics of the chorus, and so I think it was in Philly that we all pretty much determined/decided that this was Cold Reactor. I love you like an atom bomb and I've become a cold reactor. I wasn't diving as DEEP into SONG DECIPHERING as some other folks were, but I did like kind of working on it at my own pace and absorbing it into my heart and my understanding of the band and what they're about to start doing, and so this was really great, for me, here, beautiful, beautiful. I took almost NO pics and vids at this one because my phone was kind of dying but also mostly just because I was honestly having such an enormously great time and I didn't feel the need to try to do anything other than be present in my body at the gig and experience it live. you KNOW?? LIKE!! MUSIC. man. EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to mention a small tech flub that was actually so charming, where near the very end of Arch Enemy jon seemed to be having trouble with his guitar board in the front, and he spent so long in the outro squinting down at it and trying to resolve the issue that he didn't fully come in on the It's time to show your face! bit at the proper time, and he ended up just saying "It's time to show your face." right into the mic very unaffected and straight-up in his regular speaking voice at the very, very end when the song was basically over. lol. he is cute. everyone is cute.

(I WILL ALSO SAY I got the giggles SO BAD at david and amanda's gudetama they slipped onto the stage, oh my god--I was going to take a joke video just dramatically zooming in on it, as one does, except right when I went to do that it got caught up in jon's mic cable and just TUMBLED AND JOSTLED ALL OVER THE PLACE and that fucking GOT me and I was DYING and it was right at like. the serious, heartstring-tugging, fuck-yeah parts of No Reptiles where I'm supposed to be at CHURCH and instead I'm losing my shit into hysterics over this poor gudetama just rolling everywhere alksdhjglaksd, I had to bury my face in Becky's shoulder for a measure or more and try to recover, oh my godddd. EGGS!) -- (OH ALSO I LMAO I HAVE SEVERAL AUDIENCE MEMBER ~BITS THAT I AM DOING just like, clapping here or there, participating actively in certain parts of things, and one that I kept doing for some asshole clown reason was singing along with/lampshading Alex's quick backing vox on the second verse of Spring Sun Winter Dread-- Philly was probably the place where I was the most prominent/obvious/easy to see doing it, and it made both him and Jeremy REALLY snicker, ahahaha I'm sorryyyyyyy for being obnoxioussssss)

The merch/loitering sitch was sli-iiightly more locked down, in here; there was only so long Marty and I could pretend to be thinking about merch/hanging out with people who were actually in line but not actually being in line before they really truly wanted us to leave, and they were pretty pissed that I even left the venue with an empty/ice-only water cup, never mind any dreams of re-entry. The militant energy of the security at this venue compared to how relatively chill and normal DC had been (for two venues I would say of comparable size/seriousness) was def my least favorite part of the Philly experience. I was outside, finishing my water and chitchatting with some artsy youths who were also unimpressed with security, and Becky's messaging me like "they're in here!" and I'm like "well I'm not and I can't come back so you gotta tell them to come out here!" lmao. But they did!!! All the guys came out before too long and I very delightfully got to talk to everyone. I gave Mike and Jeremy the bracelets I'd made for them - THEY both apologized to ME outright for not coming out to chat the night before?? like hello you’re the band we’re the fans you don’t owe us anything - they kind of came toward my side of the door first, and talked and chatted some, vs Jon sort of peeling the other way to the other half of the loiterers - I honestly have lost track of the sequence of events here and what happened when, but it was largely unimportant hehe. (Gosh, but then I keep randomly remembering other unrelated details. Like, for example, Black Cat gave me their big ol' signature black cat hand stamp, and I'd been thinking, oh this will be fun to watch my four hand stamps stack from these four gigs, the way I got two together from The Altogether/Matt Duncan double feature back in July, and then Underground Arts put theirs on the INSIDE OF MY WRIST and not the back of my hand, and both Irving and T-Bird just did wristbands. BUMMER.) But mostly just Seeing Band, Talking To Band. This was when I overheard Alex definitely confirm to someone that the new song is called Cold Reactor, and he sort of half-seriously half-not said they just didn't call it that on the setlist in case there was another "New Song" they might want to decide to start playing there instead at the last minute, even though the longer this goes on the more confident we are that they're not going to do that and that Cold Reactor is gonna be a new single that probably drops once this tour is over <___< eyes emoji. Also, between Wednesday and Thursday we also knew that the bleach-blond hair is for Lore Reasons, which we assume are to do with Cold Reactor and the album it will be on, because of course it is. stupid. jonathan higgs I want to crawl inside your deranged pisces mind and meld with it vulcan style.

anyway, as far as my short term memory can be relied upon/will tell me is the truth, I think Jon was actually the last person I ended up in contact with on this night; I was drifting over toward him but someone else was still engaged in an active conversation with him, so I was like, well obviously I will wait my turn and let other people have jonathan time even though I'm the biggest jonathan girlie, I can just hang and go in when he frees up, and so I was turned slightly away from him listening in on other convos and talking to Becky and maybe Annika or a couple other people, and then suddenly there's a delicate hand on the back of my shoulder and Jon's right in my fucking ear ominously going "hello." askdjhgka. He was soooo cute and nice, I gave him the bracelet I made him as well (which was "I wanna be there" from Violent Sun and shades of re-animator orange) and he was immediately like Oh, of course you, are the bracelet distributor, and I was like hehehe yes, and he asked if I also had to do with the gudetama and I was like absolutely not I have no idea what is going on there lmfao. and I think amanda and david did take credit for it at that time of course so yes hehe. Ended up in a fun casual chitchat with Jon and Becky for most of the rest of the time here, with her trying to squeeze him for info about the new song and album and lore hehehe and him being his typical cryptic trolly cagey Jon, and it was all in incredibly good fun; he noticed her bracelet too, and she pointed it out like Yes I got the one that says This Is The Prophecy from big climb because it hearkens back to that bit they were doing on twitter from way before that song even came out so I gave her that one on purpose duh lol, and Jon says "Oooh yep I forgot about that. .. Album..." and mimed swiping his hair back like whoopsie lmao and it was such a silly little half-self-neg on Re-Animator lol, and so I said "WELP too bad! because the one I made from you is one of those too haha!" and he took another look at it as if to remind himself about it and then went "Well yeah that one's good" with a wryer wickeder laugh and I was like lmao tell us how you really feel. But like he's right violent sun is perfect and I actually labored so long over what I was going to have jon's say because he was the only person I didn't have a really solid concrete idea of what to make for and ALSO he was the only one I REALLY wanted to get PERFECT because it's important to me and yeah. so it was. reassuring for him to like the violent sun one. idk anyway.

The woman we'd seen running around doing a lot for them, including merch, who recognized us from DC the night before and was fun and glib about it, and who turns out to be: Tour Manager Sam, finally had enough of our fucking about and started very efficiently organizing us all into "everyone who wants a pic with themself + all four guys come get in Now and I'm gonna play photographer and then we all gotta go the fuck home" and I respected it SO much lmao, so we had sort of a rotating queue of group picture taking and then the guys all went back inside the venue (I kind of fingerguns'd Jon like "New York :D?" and he looked at me just SO Put Out and just deadpanned "Of course you're going to be there." of course!! lmfao) and we started talking amongst ourselves just out of reluctance to let the night end/social energy we still wanted to wallow in and that was cute and nice. I said goodbye to some folks who weren't going any further on the tour. I had such a wonderful night. Then, lo and behold, we turn around and Jeremy's up on the stoop of the venue, and he's like, I think I've locked myself out. I am locked out and I also don't have my phone on me. lmfao jez. he goes "I am going to blame jonathan" and we allowed him that. I was like, do you want me to TWEET AT SOMEONE LOL and he was like good god no they'll come back for me eventually, and then yes they did, and THEN we all left hahahaha. becky insisted on sticking with me part of the way to the trolley but I was like, it is coming in 14 minutes and it says it's gonna take me 12 minutes to get there I gotta GO!, and I freaking missed it anyway!!! and then I had to wait like OVER HALF AN HOUR MORE for the next one and i didn't even get ON the trolley till like 12:50 and it was soooo late before I was back at mads's place aiyaa. But, all in all, TRULY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT I JUST LOVE BEING IN AN ACTIVE BUZZY FANDOM SPACE AND MEETING FANS AND PARASOCIALING AND DANCING AND SINGING AND DOING ARTS N CRAFTS. you KNOW?? you know. you're on tumblr you get it.

The Philly to Jersey (pre-NYC) leg of my road tripping was set to be Thee shortest drive I had to make the whole time, so I let myself have time in the morning to keep snoozing and fucking about, even though I once again woke up way earlier than I'd hoped to and didn't ever make it back to sleep after that. But the tradeoff was still super nice and relaxing vibing with Madeline--I offered to buy her breakfast in exchange for the couch-crashin' and we got hella bagel sandwiches and cold brew from a place real close by her apartment, and scarfed 'em down while watching the most recent ep of Make Some Noise and just shooting the shit (again, largely about either fandom or kitty cats. We are simple folk). My sandwich contained salmon, a fried egg, and the most incredible sloppy caramelized onions, what a banger. The last truly good food I truly enjoyed before my mega super Travel Tummy set in and wrecked my whole shop metabolically speaking, rip. I took a little rinsy-rinse shower at her place too, and then finally made myself get up and Go to do the runaround silly business of driving to and parking in NJ, taking the ferry in to Manhattan, and then taking the subway to Allegra's place for NIGHT THREE IN NEW YORK CITY WOOOOO. I LOVE going to E E with Allegra!!!!! Once again I used her place primarily as a spot to change out of my car clothes and into my gig clothes (it's RDF night; I wore an oversized pale beige button-up shirt, actually left over from my Foals Antidotes costume from last halloween hahaha, gussied up with E E pins and jewelry) and to fuck about with bracelets. I made Allegra a special In Birdsong bracelet, the only one I did from that song :) because allegra is my special E E friend!! and she needs one of her special song!!! Fandom... is good. Allegra also had a kickass outfit. We stopped in at a tex-mex place she really wanted to try that was nearby the venue, and i got pretty nervous that it was gonna be a little late before doors for us to be hitting a sit-down dinner spot, but we rushed it along pretty well on the food and got our slice of dessert cake to go in a box and everything was A-OK. And I had time to hit a bodega for merch cash from the ATM and a pineapple soda for fortitude! let's GOOO irving plaza.

God, Irving was kind of a shitshow when it came to queuing and security though. There were a fair few people in line ahead of us, maybe just as many or slightly more than what I'd had in DC (definitely further back than Philly, although in line near us were the same also-eating-Dominican-food couple from the Philly gig, and I recognized them and was glad to see them again-- I FULLY DO NOT REMEMBER/DID NOT CATCH Y'ALL'S NAMES, AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE WE HUNG OUT AND WORKED TOGETHER SO MUCH, i am so sorryyyyy), but then because it's not a sweet local friendly indie venue but is in fact Livenation As Hell, there's some person affiliated with the venue wandering up front offering some sort of VIP/fast pass line experience where you can just cough up some extra cash and get in your own special line and get to go in first regardless of how long other people have been queuing--you know the deal. Wack as hell. I think David and Amanda opted for this in some capacity, so I was happy for them about it, but a lot of the other people who ended up doing it had kind of rancid vibes of just like "concert-going" and not the very lovely communal sardine megafan energy everyone else had had thusfar. Also it put us where we were at in the queue standing in a place that just had a really terrible smell of sewage, which persisted almost the entire time we were there only to suddenly be replaced by a very powerful smell of bleach, as if whatever it was was suddenly being cleaned/sanitized. ICKY!! Annika was enough further ahead of us in line that I thought it might have only been over where we were but she said no she was definitely getting it too. new york city babey

Bracelet distribution got a little silly here, too, since the queue was wrapping SO far back and was being policed a little more stringently, but I had kind of figured I may need some kind of additional plan, especially since I'd decided not to wear my fanny pack (bum bag--fanny pack, says Jonathan Higgs in a derisive American accent, even as he's telling me he likes mine a lot, skdjshgalkj smh) since my shorts under my shirt had really capacious pockets and that just made for one less thing to worry about--I snagged a sheet of paper at Allegra's place, along with a gallon-size ziploc bag, and I put all the bracelets in there with a note that said to just take one if you wanted one and pass it back through the queue while we waited. It was kind of a crapshoot how effective I thought this was going to be, especially since I had to kind of wait to deploy it once there was a substantial queue BUT by the time there was a big queue it meant that I couldn't see exactly HOW big from where I was near-ish enough to the front, so I didn't know how far the bag was going to make it, if someone was going to end up stuck with my whole big bag at the back of the line (esp since I had a fair number of extra Philly bracelets left over that I lumped in with the NYC ones just because I still Had them).... whew...! BUT by the time Marty was there, he was further enough back from me that I asked him to kind of check up on it when it made it to him and keep passing it; and, by the time we were going inside, I could see zero sign of the bag itself but I DID catch a lot of people milling around me wearing bracelets, and one or two of them did stop me to thank me (since I'd indicated on my note in the bag that I was the person with green hair hahaha), and then I never saw 'em again, so I guess it was a relative success!! Yayyyyy!! WAY less conducive to making New Line Friends than the DC/Philly setup had been, but incredibly effective at making sure that all my bracelets found new homes rather than me having to take a huge handful home with me again and them just sitting in my house forever LOL. success! :)

tl;dr about the bracelets. not important compared to concert and band. WE GO INSIDE!! They have such dumb security/bag check. a gender-split process where the men get patted down by a dude guard and the women get patted down by a lady guard? In TYOOL 2023? you hate to see it. She felt the Sharpie in my back pocket and made me take it out and surrender it???? MY METALLIC BRONZE SHARPIE ? ? no sharpies in the venue I guess. Talked to at least one other person who got sharpie-confiscated too, but also at least two people who fully didn't and still had markers just fine. Absolute shenanigans. Allegra and I didn't quite get barrier due in part to fastpass line nonsense but we did end up right exactly behind Annika &co. with perfect sightlines, once again stage-left/Jeremy-ward-of-center. we don't hate it! my Philly pals to my left with David, Becky et al in front of them. Me fully surrounded by redheads. LOL.

this was the laaaatest show of my whole run, a whole lot of standing around just waiting for Band, and also definitely the energy of "trying to politely vibe to pierre kwenders's set because he can clearly see me and look straight at me even though I would much rather just skip to the bit I actually came for and don't necessarily need to see his set" just slowly increasing every night RIP lol. BUT WE MADE IT! ohhhh new york. EXACT same set as Philly but I couldn't even be mad about it because I was still so grateful to get a Man Alive song that wasn't just MY KZ (not that I don't love my kz obviously, but it HAS been in the set literally all eight times that I have seen E E live as of this Irving Plaza gig, and something else from that album is fun fresh delicious) (OH, SWEET THREEP OF FRIDAY EVENING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) and to be getting COLD REACTOR again, especially becaussseee by this point I knew just enough of the lyrics that I felt confident singing/mouthing along conspicuously with the parts that I Did know, aka I See You Sir I'm Doing The Thing Just Watch Me, god I wish I knew how to be not so fucking extra but then again no I don't. we did get saddled with some Rather Annoying audience members in our near vicinity--a couple I'd spotted in the fastpass line earlier wedged themselves hard between me and my tall redhead/mask-wearing homie from Philly, all like "ummm we're short :)" because they. were, but that didn't give them a right to be pushy and rude, and their vibes were kind of shit because the sense I got was they were mostly there because the girl really loved the band and the dude didn't know much about them at all, and also they were already drunk so early on in the set, and they were talking loudly with some other fans they'd just met and getting Lore™ explained to them and it was just a lot of. loud talking and shoving. in my vicinity. when I would have preferred for there to. not be. BUT Also materializing behind me was someone who said "I saw your bracelets on twitter do you still have any!!" and I had to be like UHHHH FUCK, NO, I turned them loose into the queue, did they not make it as far as you..?? and she sadly said no, and I was like, well the only one I have left is this one I just left on for tradesies/advertising purposes, and it says "akon in the butterfly house" so that's kind of a deep cut, if you're familiar-- and she went WAIT REALLY and seemed SUPER jazzed to get a Dave Sardine-ass bracelet and I was like OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, GOOD, ACTUALLY, because I'd made four of these and I knew they were going to be the deepest cut/hardest sell and I was really really hoping that whoever ended up with them would actually get and appreciate them. so thank you, andrea, for being that person, and for appearing exactly when the bracelet needed it most. so glad to have hung with you this night. sorry that you too found yourself among the ranks of the sharpie-confiscatees.

ANYWAY, OTHER THAN THAT, THIS AUDIENCE WAS FIRE AND THIS GIG SLAPPED. We were finally in a space and an environment that REALLY lent itself to the crowd actually full on bouncing/dancing instead of just kind of wobbling and vibing and everyone in my immediate zone was really going hard. I LOVE this fucking BAND. I love every song by this band. I love when Jon just points the mic at the crowd and the entire crowd sings the whole song word for word and note for note. I love that Jon was still desperately trying to cram the name of the host city into the start of My Kz, despite the fact that "Washington" subs for "Lucifer" perfectly (he has done this both times I've seen them in DC lol) but "Philadelphia" is WAY too stupid long and "New York City," while a syllable shorter, scans metrically in an extremely busted way and you could have just said EN WHY CEE or. y'know. lucifer. but okay man you do you. Jon was just as rowdy as the rest of us lmfao. he was like, climbing up and down off Mike's riser, he was finding people who were taking photos/videos and staring directly into their cameras (me fucking included--I'm sorry, Jon, you can't make eye contact with me while singing the "When I saw you, I fell in love" part of Leviathan, I am pretty sure that is illegal and a crime against my humanity), and basically all the tracks from Get To Heaven (plus like, Cough Cough and NOTLK) blew the fucking roof off the place. I think he donked some My Kz lyrics hehehe he just skipped to the alt lyrics of the chorus too early without completing the standard chorus first at the end, and a little flubbo in NOTLK and a tiny stutter in No Reptiles too, everyone was just TOO ROWDY and he's THROWN LOOPY and man did we not care. I said multiple times to people on this tour that pretty much the closest things I've ever experienced to true Religion are a) being in an E E audience for No Reptiles and b) being in a Hedwig audience for Midnight Radio. they're the same spiritually in my heart and also like do people who love Jesus feel this way and is this why. insane. the cult leader imagery was Not Wrong!!!!!

I wanna MERCH! I got in the line not too long after the show wrapped, but true to reports I'd heard about the pre-show merch line, it was moving verrryy slowly, with just one guy manning it who was not exactly quick and a card reader that seemed pretty chuggy too (but hey, at least NY was taking card). I'd known I wanted the poster--it's got my favorite neon orange on it, it really really slaps, and I wanted something to get signed--but I let myself talk myself into a t-shirt too, mostly because I was REALLY excited to buy E E merch apparel that wasn't black or white. Yellow!! a really freaking good yellow!! I wish the yellow ones had actually had the tour dates on them like the black and white ones did but the yellow branding has been pretty exclusive to this leg of tour (i.e. vs the red branding of the west coast one last year) and it looks soooo good with my hair that I don't especially mind. I also knew that Adrian wanted a copy of Caps Lock On, but that he also wanted a shirt, but I hadn't heard back from him about which shirt or what size so I just got the book and my stuff and then bounced. Communique from outside was that Alex had surfaced but no one else, but that Alex had promised appearances by the rest of them, but that also Alex was already gone and unlikely to return by the time I made it outside. I posted up with all my friends from inside, god this was SUCH a good sardine squad this night, and it took some waiting but eventually the promises came true! All the other boys surfaced and we had some REALLY great fan chats and mingling this tiimmmmee. oh my gosh. A guy came with a Modern Bison CD that Jon and Jeremy were really truly overjoyed to see and to sign and take pictures with; I talked to Jeremy about the bracelets some more because he'd been wearing the one I gave him the WHOLE GIG IN NEW YORK SO LIKE THAT'S GONNA BE IN ANY PHOTOS THAT WERE TAKEN PROFESSIONALLY SPEAKING, oh my gosshhh, he was so nice about it and enjoyed that his Arch Jeremy matched my Arch Emily, the vibes were impeccable; and then I got everyone to sign my poster, but of course Alex was gone already, so Jon offers to forge Alex's signature and goes "look it's like this" and draws some loopy scribble on there and I'm like, lmao, sure.

thing was... I had absolutely heard Jeremy signing something for someone else the night before talking about how he was getting really good at forging Alex's signature for him, since I guess it's normal for him to be the one that disappears the sneakiest (god he really is just the Justin Craig of this band, it's 1:1, huh), and so when I told Jeremy this, he was like "I'll do it" and I was like "no Jon did already do it" and he was going to just leave it then, like, oh, well, okay, but then he saw the mess Jon had made and he was like "--that's quite dreadful actually-- the trick is to not overthink it--" and so now my poster has two forged Alex Robertshaw signatures and zero authentic ones. l m f a o. (To be fair, I do have other things they've all four signed, and Jeremy's fake Alex is at least passable, and Jon's fake Alex is Absolute Dogshit Nothing. I am obsessed.) I even got Peter to sign! He was talking with another fan about a gift she'd given them in the past that had sadly been part of what they lost in their studio fire, it was really heartbreaking to hear. He also thanked me again for his bracelet and told me he planned to give it to his daughter and that she would love it. We took a pic together! Pete the GOAT.

While I was making the rounds with the other boys and other fans, Allegra mostly in tow, swapping sharpies among those of us who still had them, Becky was back with Jon, taking a couple videos for people who weren't there in NY to talk about stuff that they were curious about--I think in the context of Maria, Becky said something like, she thinks the hair is crazy, and Jon said into the camera something like, "If you think it's crazy Now, give it like two or three more weeks, and you're really gonna think it's crazy." SIR WHAT. If the blond is a precursor to something else happening I'm gonna be so the opposite of normal about it, and if the bleach is a stepping stone toward the boys dyeing their hair Other colors I am going to be PROFOUNDLY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT, AND IF ANY MEMBER OF THE MANCUNIAN ROCK BAND EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HAS THEIR HAIR DYED GREEN ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE. tyler the creator unfollow me right now etc. etc. etc. The more I've thought about it I don't THINK this is what's up--my sense is that any Cold Reactor music video is probably already filmed and ready to drop alongside the single pretty quick after the tour ends, rather than being something they're going to film/put together entirely post-tour, so they probably needed the bleachblond for some energy similar to how I felt about them when they first walked on stage in DC, but Oh man...... OH MAN............ I digress. anyway.

following up from that, Allegra (I think? Or maybe still Becky and allegra was just Present) addressed the notion of the hair being related to the Lore, and like, did that mean lore for the single/the upcoming album ? ? which was what we were assuming, and Jon said some demented and ominous and extremely exciting phrase like, "The lore for this one is.... b o t t o m l e s s" in his always-startling real deep Jon voice, and that was the fucking sound bite of the evening, folks. FOLKS. ALLEGRA AND I WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO HER APARTMENT JUST CONTINUALLY SAYING "THE LORE IS BOTTOMLESS!" my body is so god damn ready.

We bid farewells to all our friends for whom NYC was their final stop on this tour!! SAD!!!!!! Going to miss all the homies T___T it's not fair that we're not just all going to every single stop on this tour I don't think? it should actually be illegal for us not to be present when the band is performing?? the hugest RIP. Hugs exchanged all around. Me trying to say bye to Jon but he's engaged with someone else so I think I just awkwardly said "See you tomorrow" twice and then we left. becky maaaybe trying to last minute scramble to also come to pgh now despite not really having accounted for it in her plans originally ? ? I was not certain what she intended here but I supported her. yes. me, annika and AG for sure being there at least. we ride. Back to allegra's where I did, unfortunately, sleep ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY/BASICALLY NOT AT ALL due to being so hot and stuffy in my little nest on the floor that it was making me nauseated, I think I got maybe 2.5 hours tops, but I didn't really have a choice because if I wanted to be back home in time to do ANYTHING other than just rock straight over to the queue for Thunderbird then I knew I was going to have to leave so GOD DAMN early in the morning to haul ass back to where my car was and then drive the seven hours to pgh. But I did exactly that!!!! bitch!!!!! Other than some issues like, managing to make a timely pit stop for gas/potty/coffee, I endured the miserable long roadtrip despite myself, raging my way through the poconos, downing the largest cold brew Wawa would sell me, having a truly tragic car vs quesadilla incident, etc. My BFF Francis even got on the phone with me for the last hour or so and we chatted and I got to give them the whole update on the tour thus far, so fun! They MIGHT try to go to the Chicago stop next week!!! if they feel like they can swing it, and I was like ok no pressure but also it's been an extraordinary experience for me thusfar and I highly recommend. So if you see Francis at E E Chicago please holler at them kindly from me!!! :) But at the very least they said they did want a T-shirt and venmo'd me money to buy them one, since I was already still gonna have to get one for Adrian. woooooo

I got home with, yeah, basically exactly enough time to shower, get my outfit together, and regroup before heading to the venue !!! I JUST BARELY missed the bus that would've gotten me there the most promptly, largely due to not being able to find another fucking Sharpie since irving plaza took my first one lmfao, and it ended up being quicker to walk there than to wait the 36 minutes it would've been for another bus or whatever. I still had MEGA travel tummy so I just snagged an apple and scarfed it down on the walk over. Annika was already there queuing! so we hung out in line together and waited and drank the waters we had definitely brought in from outside the bar and just vibed lol. and she was like, I heard them checking two new songs that haven't been in the setlist yet, and I was like ha ha lol like what, and she said, kevin's car and leave the engine room.

and listen, I was optimistic. that my social media obnoxiousness and well-known, easily observable public desires might yet sway them, because come on it's my hometown and it's the last show i'm gonna see on this tour and I sent them donuts, and those were MEANT as a KINDNESS and an ENTHUSIASM FOR DONUTS and not as a bribe, but if anyone wanted to interpret them as a bribe anyway whomst was I to say no, but like. just because I want the band i like to do a thing absolutely does not mean that they have to fucking do it. I want to be crystal clear that i have never at any point EXPECTED them to do this. i just. hoped. yearned in my heart of hearts. and also had very sound rationale for how possible/likely it was. Here's How Engie Room Can Still Win. yfm. but the soundcheck all but confirmed it in my soul for me. and I was like... glad, that she'd been there and caught it and could tell me about it, because it gave me time to like, come to terms with the reality of it, emotionally. AAH. AAAAAHHH, OKAY. BITCH, PLIABLE HEAD, IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

we lingered and watched the queue form behind us-- I spotted a kid I'd seen at the Philly show, god bless. Everywhere we turn, repeat customers. I was telling my work friend today, I feel like the US fanbase for E E is significantly smaller than the UK audience, but we make up for it in that we go fucking hard. Every US fan is a superfan. there are no half-assed american sardines. and that has been so BEAUTIFUL and means the WORLD to me to be sharing it with the other ones of you. Bracelet sharing rocked at this gig!! I had exactly as many as I'd set aside for Pittsburgh and no more, since all my spares had evaporated up at Irving, A new person ALSO HAD BRACELETS!!! LIKE, for realsies Made For Trading At This Show Specifically bracelets, it was suuuuch a delight, so in addition to my eclectic collection from the previous gigs I now also have one that says RAW DATA FEEL with some truly choice glow in the dark bric-a-brac on there as well, and my heart was so warm aaaaaah. fwiendship :) Also spotted in the pre-doors queue were the Pizza Boy costumed guy and a woman I met at Foals in 2019?? who I guess automatically recognizes me because of the green hair, but just. omg. the community!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!

There was a slight will-call kerfuffle that nevertheless did not stop me from being dead center dead at the front right in front of where jonathan's mic was destined to be, and I was like. god. here we go. the home stretch. This was ABSOLUTELY the WORST place to be to be pretending to be interested in pierre's set, because he kept looking straight at me and dog I gotta admit four shows in I was feeling pretty tired. like, the energy of E E Itself was going to fully reinvigorate me, but nearly everything else on the planet was like totally disinteresting and I wasn't really up for it, especially when it's my semi-sex-repulsed ace-spectrum ass being just really put off by the suggestive gyrations of a performer that is not to my tastes. UM SORRY BYE HAHA. they didn't even play the one song I kind of liked. I managed to miss like two and a half songs of his set being still locked in the merch line at least lmao. literally WHILE I WAS STANDING IN THE MERCH LINE they sold out of the yellow shirt and I couldn't get me and francis matchies so I had to get them the black instead :( but thankfully they still had the one Adrian wanted because idk what I would have done if I had to scramble for a plan B with him on short notice haha. and I had EXACTLY enough cash for the two shirts left from the day before and I was paying Tour Manager Sam with it like oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is like my sweaty pocket cash from last night this is kinda gross and she was just like, No actually that's honestly exactly how I've been rolling as well and it is kind of gross so like agreed hahaha. She's the best. Idk how long she'll be tenured to them but I'd love to see her continue to exist in like their coterie moving forward. impeccable vibes.

also used merch waiting as a way to distribute more bracelets and get a drink of water! WOOHOO NOW I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY COMMUNION THANK YOU. they put the setlists down and there was a very small fraction of me that wanted to avert my eyes but like I. I had to know. and annika said yes there are new songs in the list. and I peered into the list and my song was there.

hey guys. hey guys? look, this was for me. I have to be honest with you. i manifested this. by being annoying on twitter. by being god's specialest costume-making donut-gifting bracelet-slinging weirdo. I'm owning it and it's mine. I was exactly EXACTLY right with "well, if they put Engine Room in they'll probably take Leviathan out, because they'd kind of fill the same role of slow moody song in the set, and then they'll probably swap in a different non-Man Alive song to compensate for Engine Room being there instead," and this is exactly what happened, and so then not only did I get Engine Room but I also got REGRET, WHICH IS ALSO AN EMILY THREEPWILLOW PLIABLE HEAD SONG, BECAUSE HERE THESE NERDLORD KINGSHIT BANDBOYS ARE IN MY GODDAMN BACK YARD, they're in my house and god it took me the whole fucking set up to then to just prepare, like I had to try not to think about it so I could enjoy what was right in front of me. God it was so fucking, fucking good. our position along the stage had Alex's stuff REALLY forward in the mix which was kind of new for me, but jon was just right there and every time I lifted my hands to dance and to yearn it was like, the only thing stopping me from touching you is my own sense of propriety and not any kind of physical barrier or distance, and the person immediately behind me was seeing the band for the first time and felt similarly about NOTLK as I did to Engine Room and those two songs were literally back to back in the set so we kind of screamed and cried and died together, I gave her a huge hug, and LOL SORRY NOT SORRY THAT I GOT MY KZ AND LEVIATHAN TAKEN OUT OF THE SETLIST FOR Y'ALL, PITTSBURGH, I DO FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT THIS WAS UMMM IMPORTANT TO ME, THANK YOU, goodbye. goodbye I left the planet. I thought I was going to cry and I nearly did but I didn't, but I did actually maybe start hyperventilating. like I'm glad I knew it was coming ahead of time because if it had been a full surprise I think whatever was happening to my lungs would have been exponentially worse and I may have even fainted.

(which, btw: jonathan. jon. when he came out on stage, he almost immediately got his mic cable caught on the edge of where his setlist was taped down, and in jerking it around, he whipped the setlist up off the floor and way upstage toward where Pete was; when he finally put it to rights and taped it back down, he just left it where it was at, far enough away from me that I definitely could not read it anymore; and like DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE? TO MOVE IT OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, TO MAYBE KEEP ME FROM READING IT? SURELY YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I'D ALREADY SEEN IT LIKE 15 MINUTES AGO. NICE TRY BUT IT'S TOO LATE I SAW EVERYTHING. i love him. i'm in physical pain.)

knowing this was my final one, I went so, so, incredibly hard, I let myself dance and mosh and scream and take way more pics and videos than I had before, I leaned on the lip of the stage, I had an absolute fucking blast. When the set was over a few other people who were more strategically positioned (i.e. people who had not had their most easily accessible setlists unceremoniously yoinked several feet away) snatched up the closest ones way quick; there was a general tension in the crowd at being able to see jon's, but it being further away out of reach, and one ballsy-ass kid (the "Kevin" person who'd accompanied the pizza boy person) actually clambored up onto the stage and ninja'd over and took it for himself, which inspired two copycats to do the same for some discarded guitar picks (and all of which definitely provoked a very loud, unimpressed, authoritative barking of "HEY!!!" from some security somewhere, like, they definitely shouldn't have done that!! yikes!!!!). I, instead, very patiently waited for an opportune moment to get the attention of their short king guitar tech as he was running around doing teardown, and someone else flagged him first and got pete's setlist, and in my final moments I got him to get me mike's. Gang, I'm gonna be real with you, I was not leaving my Pittsburgh hometown show in which they played Leave The fucking Engine Room without a setlist. there would've been blood or at the very least tears. so like. thank god lmao. Satisfied, we got some water and then headed out!!!

It was a long, chilly wait for the boys outside--god, the chilliness was REFRESHING, though, it's October for crying out loud, and DC and Philly and NY had all been muggy sweaty hot with no need for even long pants, much less a jacket, but I was glad I'd had the forethought to wear my flannel around my waist to cover up the YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT printed around the ass of my shorts on my walk over to deter questions, lmfao. We easily identified the spot on the side of the venue where we assumed the guys were coming out, it was all just a matter of time. (AG and I getting some confusing-to-parse messages from Becky? Idk my phone was SUPER dying so I was trying to leave it on airplane as much as possible, I didn't even make it to the end of the night, RIP needing to use my map all day in the car and even with it plugged in spending more than I was juicing of the battery. Listen i needed PICS and VIDEOS!!) I saw Jon first, and he almost looked past me before spotting me there because I was pretty close to the corner of the block, and I just stared at him, and said, May I hug you. and he said, of course! and I hugged him so long and so hard just like, thank you, I was extremely emotional then and I'm also getting extremely emotional now just typing about it, and he was like omg haha what for? Coming to your town? and I was like coming to my town and playing my SONG!!! And then he said something with the tone of a snarky teasy joke but that was like flusteringly truthful underneath about them legitimately rearranging the set quite a lot for me, and I have not stopped screaming internally since then, and Jeremy joked that I'd just seen the exact same set three times and they felt they ought to give me at least something new ha ha ha but like it wasn't entirely a joke, and I just don't even know how to process this. i am perishèd in the soil. anyhow.

I wanted both my setlist and my Supernormal EP vinyl signed by all the boys, and I managed this with relatively little doing ("A deep cut!" jeremy remarks of the supernormal, haha), but I didn't want to be crowding them and getting in the way of other people getting lad time, so I kind of took a backseat and just talked when the time was right, but Jon did kind of keep wanting to talk to me. We talked about the new song, and we talked about the donuts I sent over--oh my GOD, because I was like, they're from that place over there, you can see the big neon donut sign from here! haha, and he was like dyou know what, I knew that's where they were from, because I went over there earlier in the day and got one for myself, I got a huckleberry one and I came back with it and everyone was like, what's that, they were very jealous, and then not too long after that this box of loads of them just shows up-- And like I am a donut fairy psychic wizard. Also everyone who is ever in Pittsburgh should go to Oliver's donuts and eat their fabulously good products. I will shill for them literally any day of the week. This is the second band I have given Oliver's to this year. I cannot be stopped. ANYWAY. i honestly almost could have written that prediction on an envelope and sealed it, that they'd end up wandering in there on their own only for me to send them some too. i was so tickled that jon got the huckleberry one because it's their signature flavor and it's SO PINK and allegra and I had just decided the night before that jon higgs is hot pink coded. like, in the universe where they are dyeing their hair multicolors for the lore. anyhow. it's good shit.

i had SO much fun after this show, even though it was so chilly and dark and we were scrungling around on a literal street corner outside a wine and spirits store, I was like holding people's things so they could get pics and signatures, I was showing off my supernormal booty shorts, I was talking to Jon about lore----- ohhh, my god, I had exactly two bracelets left when the night was over, literally the end of my stash, and it was one Final Form FIRST BODY LAST BODY that I said, y'know, I'm going to save this for my bestie francis when I send them the shirt, because that's the lyric I wanna get a tattoo of, and it'll match with my PLIABLE HEAD bracelet, and it'll be another sort of besties matching thing; and my one lone AKON IN THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE bracelet that remained, where I'd kind of said, well, if this one doesn't find the right home tonight, then at the end of the night I'm going to give it to Jon too. So I dug in my bag and passed it off, and he was like "what does this one say.... kon... Akon... Akon in the house--what is--OH AND THERE'S A LITTLE BUTTERFLY ON THERE, God--" and he was GRINNING and he was SO TICKLED BY IT and Jez chimed in with just like "The attention to detail--" and Jon was like "this is my favorite one actually," he LOVED IT AND I WAS SO CHARMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, and then he offered me up something like "you kno-ow, this, the song, of this, there's actually a reference to it in something, something you've never heard-- and--that you never will," doing his cryptic Jon troll grin, "the one thing that didn't make it," with the implied end of that sentence being "onto the album," and 'album' in this case being implied to be Raw Data Feel, which they have very publicly said that for once was an album where they just put everything on and didn't cull any songs or reserve any bonus tracks to release later or whatever. So I said, "Oh, from the one that we've been told had no cuts...?" also not explicitly saying RDF, and his answer to that was vague/nondescript enough but was probably an affirmative, but then he did follow that up with "that's lore that's SO far down the line, WAY WAY out there," and god, just, how deep does this man's brain and nonsense even fucking go. how far into the future is there LORE. BOTTOMLESS!!! I am obsessed with him. i cannot stress enough how blorbo he is to me.

The shorts came back up in conversation too ("Sorry, let me just look quite closely at your ass for a moment--" "It's okay, the shorts are designed that way--") and him saying, yeah, we do talk about some of the costumes still, and then segueing into asking if I had plans for this year and what I was doing, and I said, maybe, I'm not sure if I want to tell you, and he said, Is it to do with us, and I said, Neither confirm nor deny, and he said, Well if it's not, then, I want to know, with kind of a 'duh' tone ahahaha because like true there would be no reason to be coy if it was nothing to do with E E at all, and I explained that like I kind of have to have two costumes ("of course you do."), WELL because y'know the E E ones don't really play to or land with the general populace (a very cheeky "No!") so I have, just, one that's for going to parties, and one that's for fucking around on the internet. He seemed to find that acceptable hahaha.

Anyway what I REALLY wanted with wearing the Supernormal shorts was a group pic of all five of us normal frontways, and then a group pic of all five of us facing backward/ass to the camera a la the picture of them outside the White House, where you could see the goof of my shorts but also all of their butts, but this was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER TO DO when it was so dark that phone cameras were taking everything long-exposure, and also they'd all had just enough beer to not really be following on what the bit was. Absolute shit results on the backwards pic because I couldn't, y'know, see to coordinate it, because I had my back turned. (Me yelling, "Not just MY butt, EVERYONE'S butts, come on!!" into the streets of Lawrenceville.) Utter failure. Didn't care. I love these fucking guys. The vibe was finally kind of winding down, closing-time energy, the guys still had to get on the bus to Boston right away even with tomorrow being their day off, it was a Boston day off and not a Pittsburgh day off where I could offer them free ice cream sadly, so they all sort of bowed sweetly out. Jon gave me his like, I Am Part Of The Band clearance ID badge from the venue, kind of out of nowhere, he was like "sorry this is all I have to give you, it's the least I could do," and I was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME SO M-- YOU COULD DO WAY LESS ??? but I guess now I have that, too. I tried to give him the King Of Oil sign from my fatberg costume, which I'd initially brought because I thought it would be a fun photo taking prop but the photo situation was the aforementioned disaster so that never really came to any fruition at all, so I was just going to gift it to them, and he said "My suitcase is already so full of so much random shit-- that you've given us--" and then right as he was leaving he just said "Thank you for being such a weirdo" with a voice full of all the kindness and affection in the world and I just yelled "ANY TIME!!" and then oh so tragically the night had to be over.

it's been nice, though, because I'm so used to driving the long drive home at the end of an adventure and having that signify the end, of getting to the end of the car ride and having nothing beyond that but the rest of my regular life; and this time, I drove all the way home, but when I got there, the adventure was still happening, right in my neighborhood, right down the street, and all I had to do was walk back home alone in the dark and climb into my own bed at the end of a long and beautiful night. i can already tell that this is going to be one of my most special memories basically forever, and now every time I drive or ride the bus to and from work each day I will be passing by the place where Everything Everything performed Leave The Engine Room for me, and that's so profoundly special that I don't even have words to describe it. I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the people its gravity pulls in to orbit around it, I'm just so goddamn happy. I don't even know what to say or how to end this.

#everything everything #e e #RDF US tour 2023 #this has been a post #jonathan fucking higgs.#god.#they all just like. referred to me plainly by my name a lot more than i was expecting in a way that was overwhelming #like to one another/other people and not just to me directly #i exist???? sounds fake #i will be thinking about this week for a hundred thousand years #my pliable head IS a walking hope thank you so much for NOTICING!!!!!!#pics to follow maybe on here but maybe just on twitter #where I am yes you guessed it @pliablehead if people want to lurk and see #ok fucking goodnight

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the-paganwitch · 23 days

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My Addition to the OcculTea Hashtag.

I've seen many creators post into this discussion, and as someone who isn't really and "influencer" parsay, but I have been online with my craft for many years now, so I have definitely seen a thing or to! I got inspired to add my own thoughts into this topic. This will easily be my longest post I've created. The picture above is from @prettyqueerwitch. I love how it looked and I wanted to use it. I hope this is okay! If it isn't, please let me know and I'll change it!

Introduction: Introduce yourself. How long have you been participating in the witchcraft online space? What practices and topics do you discuss primarily?

Hi! My name is Jess, also known as the-paganwitch or Redmonarch on other platforms. I am a 23-year-old and first discovered witchcraft when I wanted to curse someone. I know, a great start. That was back in about 2013/2014. I didn't really start getting into actively practicing until around 2017. My first time participating in an online space was through the Spells of Magic forum. I still have an account on there I check from time to time, but I'm not on it very often anymore. After that, I branched onto watching youtube creators. I now run a witchy email-based newsletter I love! I am an eclectic pagan witch with a primary focus on green and kitchen witchcraft, and crystal magic.

Topic 1: Impact On Community.

What is my personal reading/inspiration behind sharing my practice online? What am I looking to achieve by participating? Do I seek to educate, learn, or connect?

I feel inspired to share mostly to help others who may be just starting out and don't really know where to start. Which is the main reason behind my newsletter. I also like the feeling of community online. With my chronic illnesses and nasty social anxiety, it is really hard for me to be a part of an in-person community. So I do tend to rely on the online aspect. Though, I don't really have any online witchy friends.

How do I believe that social media, as a whole, has impacted the community?

I feel that it has both helped and hindered the community. It's kind of a grey zone to me. While social media has made it easier for others to connect and for more information to be shared on a global scale, it has also created a platform for less favourable people to gain a voice. Those who seek to spread hate and unnecessary harm to others in the community.

How do I think social platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube have each impacted education/sharing information?

I would say that I could answer it similarly to the question above. It's kind of a grey zone. On one side, it has made gathering information easier and more accessible. On the other, it has lead to a lot of misinformation and has lead many to a ""my way or the highway" type of thinking. I have seen this type of thinking primarily on TikTok, which is why I had to deleted it personally. The community grew way too toxic.

Is consuming witchcraft content becoming a substitute for practice?

Yes and no. I know many hate on people who primarily consume content as a part of their practice, but something many always seem to forget about is us spoonie witches who many not always have the energy or spoons to practice all the time. Yes,I don't agree with the people who claim to be witches, but all the do is watch TikTok videos and never actually attempt to branch out to other areas or do more research into topics. These types of people, in my opinion, aren't actually witches. For some of us, we just can't always spare the extra energy to so spells or most types of magic. So consuming witchcraft media is the closest thing we have to practicing some days.

Topic 2 : Influencer Authority.

Out of what I share on social media, how much of it is staged vs. reality?

I am pretty open to sharing the reality of my practice. I don't really feel the need to stage anything. If I were to ever make videos, I guess then technically parts would be staged. But when I make posts or add personal notes in my newsletter, those are authentic and real.

Do I think there is an element of censorship in online spaces? How do I decipher what is "appropriate" to share online vs. what to keep privately? Is this based on "social media etiquette" or a personal preference.

As I stated above, I am pretty comfortable openly sharing my practice. I don't really censor much as of right now, unless it has nothing to really do with my practice. Even then, I don't mind sharing information if I am asked something. I would say it's all up to your comfort level on what you choose to share and what you don't. I also don't really know what social media etiquette is to be honest.

Have I ever encountered or heard of grifters in our community? Do I recognize them? What are significant signs of grifters in the community?

I have had people on mostly Instagram partake in grifting. Usually as fake tarot readers or offering to do break curses/hexes or "bring back a lost love". These people are pretty easy to tell. They almost always message you first, saying "I was drawn to your profile" or "I wanted to offer you a free reading". They do not want to give you any help, they are trying to scam you. Other forms I see are people who are not a part of the community trying to market or sell items overpriced. Or those who sell things at a way too low of a price. If it's too good to be true, it's probably a scam.

What tools are helpful to decipher misinformation, and how can we as a community prevent widespread misinformation?

Research research research! Always research, fact check, and be suspicious if something doesn't sound right or feel right. I don't really think we can do a whole lot about the spread of misinformation, but we can always fact check what we hear, see, or learn. We can also help lift the voices of those we do trust and those who share correct information.

How does a large following impact the perception of the creator? Does this immediately make them an "expert"? Or are there other assumptions as to why they may have a large following?

Being a popular creator doesn't make you an "expert". It can mean you may know more about somethings or that you share good information, but it doesn't make you an expert. Neither does practicing for a long time. No one can truly be an "expert" in witchcraft as a whole, in my opinion. You can be very well informed and know a lot, but you aren't an "expert".

How does one maintain the balance of authenticity and content creation?

It can be difficult maintaining authenticity when trying to make content if you are trying to keep relevancy or trying to become super popular. This is because you have to follow what topics are trending and you have to constantly be fighting with algorithms. This can make you lose authenticity and turn more into content farming. I think you can balance both as long as you are content creating without the sole desire of having relevancy or popularity.

Topic 3 : Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Missing Out

When I follow other creators in the community space, does it make me feel genuinely inspired and empowered or does it create feelings of fear of missing out and being less than?

I guess that would depend on the community space. In most places, I generally get a feeling of inspiration, especially when I get into a rut or burn out. The only community I felt negative more time than not in was on TikTok. There was always fighting, drama, and a push for you to buy certain things in order to be called a witch. If you didn't like this certain creator or you didn't agree with this exact way of thinking, you can't be a witch or you aren't a "real" witch.

If I experience fear of missing out, has it ever left me feeling vulnerable to be taken advantage of financially, or otherwise? An example would be - the "need" to purchase the latest popular product or book to "fit in"?

I can see where others, especially beginners, may fall into this way of thinking. You want to be liked in a certain community, but you feel you have to follow the trends or keep up with what everyone is buying. I myself don't really fall into this peer pressure anymore, but I definitely did when I first started. It's best to move away from communities and spaces that make you feel forced to buy products or follow one certain thing.

When practicing my craft, do I find myself comparing what I do to what I've been seeing people do online?

Absolutely. This has been a bit of a problem for me within the last 2-3 years. It really started when I developed my chronic illness and couldn't do everything I used to be able to do. I felt less than or that I wasn't really a witch anymore. I have been working really hard on allowing myself more leniency when it comes to my practice and my chronic illness. It's really easy to fall into the habit of comparing yourself and your practice to others you see on social media, but you have to remember that not everyone shows everything they do. They may only share 5-10% of their craft.

In what ways do I combat imposter syndrome?

I try to be gentle and kind with myself when I notice it coming up. I remind myself that everyone's craft is different and my won't look like someone elses, and that okay. The whole point of witchcraft is to make it suited to you and what you can do, and where you can grow and learn.

What would my practice look like without the social media influence of other creators?

Honestly, I don't think I would have really gotten into it as much as I have or I may not have actually discovered it. I was raised in an strong atheist household and was taught that that was the only right answer. But when I discovered witchcraft online, it was an eye opener. When I rediscovered it a few years later, it changed my entire life for the better. I am forever in love with witchcraft and I don't think I will ever give it up at this point.

Topic 4 : Capitalizing Off Community.

Do I consider online communities as equally valid to in-person communities?

I do. I may not alway partake in many online discussions or join community chats, but I do believe they can do some good to those that enjoy them or who what to make friends. There is a plethora of different groups and discussion forums out there for just about everyone.

How have online occult/witchcraft communities impacted me as a person and practitioner?

They have both helped and hindered me and my practice. Like I said above, some online practitioners are the reason I discovered witchcraft in the first place. Which lead me to falling in love with it and devoting my life to witchcraft. On the other hand, It has sometimes lead me to dislike the communities and witchcraft because of how toxic some of it had become, and how often I found myself hitting burn out after burn out because of it. I lost myself for a while with my craft. I had even questioned whether I wanted to be a witch anymore. I rediscovered my love for it all after I stepped back from a lot of communities I noticed were promotion toxicity and fueling separation.

What are some of the dangers of the current phenomenon of capitalizing off witchcraft community? Have I been personally affected by this, or have I witnessed someone else be affected?

I think a problem with capitalizing off of witchcraft communities is how easy it can be to scam or swindle new practitioners out of money. Another problem is fake products being marketed as the real deal. This is a HUGE problem with crystals honestly. There are many online shops claiming a crystal is real, but when you get it, it's a dyed glass or plastic. Moldavite, agates, opals, and quartzes are some of the worst for this happening. It drives me nuts!

Should there be paywalled communities and online courses?

I don't believe anything about basic witchcraft should be paywalled. I believe basics should be free to access for everyone and anyone. But I don't see an issue in asking for payment when you are teaching things beyond the basics. Especially for those who put lots of time and effort into learning and creating said courses. I can also understand why some communities are paywalled. I remember when witches were trying to make non-paywalled discord communities to anyone who wanted to join and what a dumpster fire they usually turned into. You can't always control who gets in and what they say or do. There isn't really an efficient method to keeping out hate and harmful people from communities without paywalling. Which is kind of sad.

How does one ensure the authenticity of courses/workshops/memberships/etc. as a financial investment?

You should always, always, ALWAYS look into the person offering said things before you partake. How long have they been practicing? What beliefs do they hold? Do they align with yours? Are what they saying seem fishy, suspicious, or too good to be true? These are things you should always think about before paying to be a part of something or paying someone for courses.

Conclusions:

What are some topics of conversations I'd like to see more of in our community?

I would love to see more discussion on witches with disabilities or chronic illnesses as I feel it's not talked about or discussed enough.

What are my community needs?

For me to want to be in a part of a community, I would need to feel supported and that there is open discussions without judgement because someone's craft is a different then others. I like being in communities with a similar beliefs, or with witches who are into the same things as me, but that is purely personal.

Where would I like to be held and supported? Where do I feel like I'm not truly being seen by my community?

I pushed these two together because they have the same answer. I am personally not too worried about being held or seen in any community. Mainly because I am not really making content to become something or a popular creator. If I gained a large following, that's cool, but I am not actively trying to do that. If people like what I post or share and want to follow, that's awesome! You are more than welcome here. But if others don't care for what I do, then that's okay too. Whatever one you vibe with, it's good with me.

How can we help each other in removing the external peer pressure and grow in the community?

By reminding each other that you're craft is your own and does not have to follow anyone else's. There are no set rules to witchcraft, and if someone tells you there is, they are not being truthful. Witchcraft is what you make of it. We can flourish when we support each other practitioners differences.

How can we, as a community, come together more with constructive criticism without it seeming shady or passive aggressive? How can we, as a community, do better when we do receive criticism/feedback?

I would say we should watch how things get worded, firstly. Secondly, instead of writing something when in a high state of emotion, think about what you want to said first. Really think about it. Is it coming from a place of genuine help, or a place of attack or offence? Same can go for when we receive criticism. Think about what someone said before responding, especially if you don't fully understand what is being said. If you're confused about it, ask the person to elaborate. There is nothing wrong with asking to gain more insight into what the person is thinking and where they're coming from.

Who are some community members that I look up to that are reliable resources and aspirations?

Ariel Gatoga, Chaotic Witch Aunt, Hearth Witch, Witchy Tips, The Green Witch, Harmony Nice (no longer uploads), Ginny Metheral, Alwyn Oak, The Lunar Witch, The Witch of the Forest, The Wholesome Witch, Anastasia Moon, and Molly Roberts are the creators I look to the most for information and learning. I've watched many of these creators for a while now. I would say Ariel Gatoga was my biggest reason I got really into witchcraft and I would see him as my mentor. I learned the most of what I know from him and his podclasses.

Further thoughts?

I can't really think of much else to add. I do implore you to step back from social media from time to time to find yourself and discover what you truly love and discover where your strengths are. If you're in a burn out, or don't have much energy recently, that is okay. Allow yourself to rest and recover. Step back from witchcraft for a little and discover something new outside of your practice. Stepping back from witchcraft doesn't make you any less of a witch. We all need to take a step back to look at the bigger picture. You might find out something about yourself you may have never known.

#occultea #witchcraft #witchblr #paganblr #witchy #witch #green witch #witchcraft community #witch community #witchcore #pagan witch #witches of tumblr #beginner witch #magick #witches #paganism #pagan

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chelseachilly · 1 year

Text

king of my heart - pt 6

my baby’s fit like a daydream walking with his head down i’m the one he’s walking to

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: a new season for chelsea means an exciting new chapter for ben and for your relationship warnings: chelsea winning a game 🫢, smut :) (18+) word count: 2.6k

author’s note: hi! i’m currently on vaca for a week in the carribean (this was prewritten) so i prob won’t post again for a week or so, enjoy this bit of fluff and smut in the meantime 💗

You’re practically bursting at the seams with excitement as you sit on Ben’s couch, waiting for him to return home.

The Chelsea jet landed almost an hour ago and you know he’ll be back any time now. He’s been gone for two weeks for the summer USA tour, officially the longest you’ve been apart since you began seeing each other, and it’s been torture.

You tried to FaceTime as much as possible, but the time difference and your busy schedules made it challenging, so you feel like you’ve hardly even talked to him since you kissed him goodbye two weeks ago.

You stayed at Ben’s while he was away to watch his dog Oscar and water the plants. He would typically hire people for that, but you were happy to do it, and staying at Ben’s huge house was hardly a burden for you.

There was also the advantage of being able to raid Ben’s wardrobe - more specifically, his dirty laundry basket - for hoodies smelled like him. One of which you’re currently wearing as you sit on the couch, curled up with Oscar, watching The Office reruns.

It’s getting pretty late, and you had a long work day, so you feel your eyelids getting heavier by the moment as you wait for your boyfriend to get home.

Eventually, you’re unable to stop yourself from drifting off on the couch. You don’t know how long you’re out for, but when you wake up, you feel a gentle hand caressing your face.

“Hey there, sleepyhead.”

“Ben?” you yawn, eyes still shut.

It takes you a moment to come to your senses, but when you open your eyes and see Ben’s bright blue-green ones staring back at you, you fling yourself at him. He’s crouched on the floor next to you, and he shifts back onto his bum so he can pull you into his lap and hold you close.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he mumbles into your neck, his low voice and breathy whisper completely intoxicating you. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” you say, your hands clutching at the material of his t-shirt. “You have no idea how long those two weeks felt.”

“Oh, trust me, I do,” Ben says, pulling back so he can take your face in his hands and kiss you firmly.

You missed his kisses like crazy, how his lips feel like a drug as they capture yours. You can’t get enough of him, especially after all these days apart.

You’re interrupted by Oscar joining the two of you on the floor, nuzzling Ben for some attention. You really can’t blame the dog - you know he missed him too.

“There’s my boy,” Ben says with a smile, petting Oscar. “Thanks again for watching him, Y/N.”

“Of course, babe.”

You smile, moving to stand up, but Ben swiftly wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you down to the couch, covering your face and neck with more kisses as you laugh loudly.

“I love you wearing my clothes,” Ben murmurs, slipping his hand under the hoodie to caress your bare back. “But I also really wanna take this off you right now, if you’re not too tired.”

“Please, I’ve been thinking about this for two weeks straight, and those Instagram photos of you training the other day drove me mad,” you say, watching him grin for a moment before pulling him in for another searing kiss. “Take me upstairs, Chilly.”

Ben happily complies, scooping you up by your thighs so you can wrap your legs around his waist and beginning to carry you to his bedroom.

yourusername via stories

charlottewright via stories

benchilwell

📍London, United Kingdom

liked by yourusername, reecejames and others

benchilwell There’s no place like home 💙

tagged: yourusername

yourusername 😘

charlottewright so adorable!! (I’m talking about Oscar ofc)

jackgrealish Nice one mate 😊

You only have a couple of days to enjoy your little bubble of reunion bliss before Ben is back into the thick of training at Cobham.

His first match of the season is a home game at Stamford Bridge, and you can’t wait to see him playing for the club again after a couple months off.

The morning of the game, you and Charlotte get ready in your matching Chelsea shirts - yours with Chilwell on the back, hers with Mount.

It’s a different experience entirely being at the Bridge now that your relationship is known to the public. You can feel many eyes on you and Charlotte as you make your way to your seats.

It’s an exciting match against Leeds, with the score tied 1-1 at halftime. You’re happy to see Ben is playing very well, among one of the best performances you’ve ever seen from him, and even assisted a goal for Conor in the first fifteen minutes.

You’ve always cared about football, about your club winning, but never like this. You’re so invested that it’s like you’re on the pitch yourself, wincing at every bad pass and jumping up in your seat every time the ball reaches the penalty area.

Your brother texts you during the break, and you can’t help but chuckle at his message.

Max - 3:48PM Your boy’s on fire 🔥

You - 3:49PM Yeppppp 💙

Max - 3:50PM You’re whipped sis 😉

Although you roll your eyes and ignore your brother’s message, he isn’t wrong. It’s almost frightening how much Ben consumes your every thought, how you have to force yourself to concentrate on work throughout the day rather than the way he touched you the night before or the sweet texts he sends you while he’s at training.

You’ve almost told him you love him a couple times now, but you keep chickening out at the last minute. You know it’s true from the very bottom of your heart and the depths of your soul, but you’re terrified of saying it.

Things are getting pretty serious between you two, there’s no denying that. You definitely get the vibe that Ben feels the same way you do, but he’s still a twenty-something and a professional athlete and, frankly, a super fit guy.

Despite how it may seem, you can’t help but feel a bit worried that it will all end, that he’ll get sick of you and move on to the next girl or decide he needs to focus on football.

“You alright?” Charlotte asks you as the second half begins.

You quickly snap out of your train of thought and nod, focusing once again on the match.

Things remain heated as the game continues, with Chelsea playing a strong defense but struggling to move forward. As they move into added time, it’s looking like it’s going to be a draw - not the result you hoped for, but a point nonetheless.

It happens so quickly you barely have time to react, but one moment the Leeds defender has possession and a second later, Ben has the ball and is running quickly toward the goal. The other team tries to stop him, but he deftly avoids their efforts to tackle him and kicks the ball toward the net.

Your breath catches in your throat as you wait to see if it went in, and then the stadium erupts with cheers.

You and Charlotte both jump up and down and hug each other tightly, overwhelmed with excitement at such an incredible goal in the final moments.

“Shit, I think I might actually like football now,” Charlotte laughs as you settle down a bit.

The both of you run down to the tunnels, trying to beat the foot traffic of the many fans exiting the stadium and get to your boys as quickly as possible.

There’s an electric atmosphere in the changing room when you get down there, one of the assistant coaches recognizing you and letting you in. The boys are blaring music and passing beers around, obviously happy with this great start to the season after struggling in the last one.

Ben thrusts his beer bottle into Reece’s hand when he sees you and runs over to you. You meet him halfway and jump into his arms. The excitement has both of you a bit carried away, as you immediately start kissing passionately in front of all his mates.

A few of the lads - and Charlotte - wolf whistle as you kiss him, running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but you couldn’t care less.

“Oi, Chilly, get a room!”

Ben breaks the kiss, probably to tell the guys to bugger off, but another thought seems to occur to him as he takes your hand and leads you down the hall and into an empty physio room.

He dives in to kiss you again, and after a few quick pecks, you pull back and hold his face in both hands.

“What is it, love?” Ben asks you, a smile still on his face.

You admire his bright eyes, his winning grin and contagious energy for a moment, moving your hands to his biceps and squeezing softly.

“It’s just…you,” you admit shyly, your cheeks a bit rosy. “You were so incredible today, and I always love watching you play, but this match was really something else. You’re so special, Ben, both on and off the pitch, and I just-“

“I love you,” Ben exhales, his wide eyes staring into yours.

You stare back at him from a moment, trying to process his words. “You…”

“I love you, Y/N,” he repeats, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

The grin on your face is blinding as you wrap your arms tighter around his neck, replying those words over and over again in your mind.

Ben loves you, and everything is perfect.

“I love you too, Ben,” you say softly, brushing your nose against his.

He smiles just as bright as he leans in to kiss you again, this time holding your waist tightly and bringing you flush against his body.

It’s a bit of a challenge to kiss at first with how much you’re both smiling, but then Ben starts to trail kisses down your neck and your breath hitches.

Without a second thought, you instinctively reach down to tug his shirt off, wanting to feel every inch of his skin against yours.

“Is the door locked?” you mumble as he helps you remove his shirt and then reaches for yours.

“Yeah,” Ben breathes against your lips, squeezing your waist. “Are you sure? I don’t have much time, I need to shower and go do press-“

“We’d better be quick then,” you grin, pulling the shirt with his name on the back up and over your head.

Ben stares at you in complete awe for a few seconds before reaching out and hoisting you up into his arms, carefully setting you down on the physio table.

He helps you out of your jeans quickly before pulling down his shorts, and you can see how hard he already is for you. You know you’re ready for him, too, feeling the familiar ache between your thighs as his strong arms maneuver you so you’re at his entrance.

“You ready, love?” he mumbles against your lips as he pulls your knickers down.

You nod once and he slides into you, both of you inhaling sharply at the contact. He begins to quickly thrust into you as you cling to his shoulders.

“You feel so good, baby,” Ben moans into your neck. “Can’t believe - can’t believe you’re mine-“

“I’m all yours, Ben,” you say, cutting yourself off with a high-pitched moan as he hits a particularly sensitive spot inside you. “You looked so good out there today, I couldn’t wait to have you inside me…”

“Fuck, Y/N,” Ben groans, your words obviously encouraging him as he begins to thrust harder and faster into you. “I’m not gonna last long-“

“And when you scored that goal…you made me so proud, Ben,” you continue, kissing his shoulder. “I love you so much-“

“Babe, I’m gonna-“

Ben lets out a low moan as he comes, his face buried in your neck. You run your fingers through his hair as he rides it out, him leaving little kisses on your collarbone before eventually pulling out of you and grabbing a couple tissues to clean both of you up.

“Sorry, baby, couldn’t help it,” Ben laughs softly, leaning in to kiss you on the lips before tugging his underwear back on. “You talking about the match like that, and telling me you love me…”

He stares at you in disbelief for another moment, and you pull him back into your arms to rest your forehead against his.

“It’s alright,” you smile. “You deserved a little reward for that goal. And because I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ben says again, a massive grin on his face.

He begins to trail kisses down your breasts and toward your stomach, and as much as you don’t want it to stop, you place a hand on his shoulder and gently push him away.

“I can’t leave you hanging, babe!” Ben protests, and you just lovingly roll your eyes.

“You’ve got interviews, and you really need a shower first,” you tease him, making Ben furrow his eyebrows in response. “You can finish me off later.”

“Oh, I intend to,” Ben smiles. “Many, many times.”

With the anticipation of that happening when you get home, you rush to get dressed and get Ben back into the changing room as soon as possible so he can get any press he has to do over with.

“There’s our man of the match,” Kai chuckles as you walk back in, clapping Ben’s shoulder.

Ben is still holding your hand, and Charlotte and Mason rush over to you guys, Charlotte discreetly reaching out to fix your hair. You realize it must still be visibly messy from your little rendezvous, meaning it’s probably fairly obvious what you and Ben just did - if it wasn’t already.

“Looks like Chilly scored twice today,” Mason jokes, only loud enough for the four of you to hear, and you elbow him in the ribs as Ben glares at him and Charlotte laughs.

“Shut it, Mount,” you roll your eyes before turning back to Ben. “Go shower, I’ll see you after the interviews.”

“Okay,” Ben smiles, jogging off to the showers.

You watch him go before turning around to chat with Charlotte and Mason, trying to tame the blush arising on your cheeks. You’re not really that embarrassed, though - you and Ben have been together for months now, and you’re not ashamed to reward your man for such a performance.

As you’re asking Mason a question about the game, you feel a hand grab your waist, and before you can react you’re being pulled into one more kiss.

“Ben,” you chuckle against his lips, “what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing, I just love you,” he says casually but loud enough for everyone to hear, planting one more kiss on your lips before running away again.

All the boys laugh and cheer as Ben disappears once again into the showers, leaving you standing there completely smitten and totally overwhelmed by how much you love this man.

You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, and at this moment, you don’t think there’s anything that could bring you down.

benchilwell

📍 Stamford Bridge

liked by yourusername, masonmount and others

benchilwell Good start to the season back at the Bridge 💙

tagged: chelseafc

yourusername Amazing game 💙💙💙

chelsfangirl Omg they are so cute

bluesforever If Chilly having a gf means he plays like that then I’m here for it

yourusername via stories

hope you enjoyed the fluff...before the storm 🤯

next chapter 💙

#ben chilwell #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell x y/n #ben chilwell imagine #chelsea fc imagine #bens got a bit of a praise kink in this one hahah #komh

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pedrito-friskito · 1 year

Text

it takes two - dieter bravo x fem!reader

summary: dieter gets his second shot, and he’ll be damned if he wastes it.

warnings: no angst here my babies! rejoice! oral (f receiving), unprotected p-in-v, dieter is a soft caring motherfucker, fluff, I love these two so much

a/n: fuck I really broke everyone’s heart with seeing double, huh?? I still don’t know where that bit of heartache came from, but it made for some delicious angst, and putting back together what I broke was a blast!

(also new post format? who is she)

series masterlist / main masterlist

Where is it?

Where is it, where is it, where is it?

You’ve looped your way through your apartment at least seven times now, every basket overturned and rummaged through, every closet and cupboard door flung wide open, every bag you own upended onto the ground.

Where the fuck is it?

It’s here. It has to be here.

Defeated, you lean against the kitchen counter, rubbing a hand over your forehead, sipping the Irish coffee you’d made yourself the moment you stepped through the front door. It has to be here, but now that you think about it, you know exactly where it is.

Fuck.

Dieter.

Of course, you left it at his apartment. Shutting your eyes, you know exactly where it is in his condo, slid onto the lower shelf of his coffee table, your name emblazoned across the front cover, one of your favourite pens tucked in the little flap in the leather. Your precious notebook, the refillable kind that has been your crutch since you broke your way into the world of screenwriting. You have stacks of old notes carefully filed at your desk in your apartment, the pages reverently removed from the book and replaced with fresh ones for every new project. If there’s one thing you’ve always been meticulous with, it’s your notes, and that notebook is a lifeline.

Not to mention the new project you’re working on is supposed to start production early December, and here you are, pacing your apartment, the script sitting on your desk, and you don’t have your fucking notes because you left them at your boyfriend’s house.

Ex-boyfriend?

Fuck.

It’s been a few weeks now, since the fiasco on Halloween. Since the awful encounter with discount James Bond and the horrible ending to what could have been a ridiculously sexy night with your favourite human. You hadn’t counted on any of it, the drunken fight, the screaming at each other on the front lawn, your scared confession — the admission that you didn’t feel ready, that you didn’t feel like you belonged in his world, tiptoeing on the edge as you were. The ride home was the longest cab ride you’ve ever taken, reduced to quiet sobs in the backseat that you stifled enough that the driver only looked at you in the rearview twice.

You couldn’t blame him, it was probably quite the sight - a sobbing girl, dressed like Dieter fucking Bravo, clutching a Mandalorian helmet in her lap.

Once you were back in your own apartment, you completely broke down. You were still wearing his clothes, his sunglasses pushing your hair back over your head, his robe too big and hanging off your shoulders, his t-shirt too soft against your skin. You hadn’t even made it to your bed, stopping short in the living room. You crashed on the couch, throw pillow crushed to your chest, and cried yourself to sleep.

You haven’t called, or texted, and neither has he. There’ve been no updates on his Instagram (you’ve checked) and you’re too much of a chicken to make the first move. What is there to say? How do you politely ask someone to give you another chance when you literally left him bleeding on the sidewalk? When you walked out on him when he had only been trying to defend you?

But he asked. He asked, and it shouldn’t have mattered. That had been the last straw, the thing that sent your mind screaming into a frenzy of I don’t belong here, I shouldn’t be here. “It doesn’t matter,” he’d said, trying to backtrack, but the damage was done. It didn’t matter that you were drunk, or that him launching himself to your defence in the house had been one of the sexier things you’ve ever seen. It didn’t matter.

“If it doesn’t matter, then why the fuck did you ask?”

You scrub a hand over your face, pushing the memories of that night away. At the end of it all, you need your fucking job, and that means you need your fucking notebook. So time to put on your big girl pants and fucking deal with it.

He answers on the third ring. There’s shuffling on the other line, the sound of rustling fabric and his familiar sleepy groan before the sound of his earring clacking against the phone reaches your ears. “Y’okay?” is his first coherent word, and you try to stifle the way your chest gets tight.

“I’m fine,” you reply, propping your phone between your shoulder and your head, knotting your fingers together. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“S’late,” he slurs. He’s not drunk, you know that much; probably stoned, but dead tired. Then you remember: he was in London for a week and a half after Halloween. You were supposed to go with him for part of the trip, but after that night, you’d cancelled your ticket. He’s jet-lagged. “Didn’t expect you to call me.”

“It’s not late,” you say, glancing at your watch. “I’m guessing you’re still on London time.”

“Mmm.”

You chew your lip, foot tapping against the floor. “Listen, I’ll cut to the chase. I left my notebook at your place, the one I use for work. And that new movie I’m working on starts production in a week and I got my script and I really need the note—”

“I’ll be there in forty-five minutes,” Dieter declares, cutting you off, and you nearly choke on your own tongue. “You want Chinese? I’m dying for wonton soup.”

Before you can even protest, the line goes dead.

The next forty-three minutes are spent sprinting around your apartment, cleaning up the empty take-out containers and pizza boxes, evidence if your weepy nights spent watching romcoms on your couch. There are tissues stuffed between the couch cushions, and you’re shoving the lid on the garbage can down when there’s a knock on your door. Every nerve in your body zips to attention, a chill shooting down your spine as you steel yourself, glancing in the mirror beside the front door and fixing your hair before you’re reaching for the knob.

“You’re two minutes early,” you say by way of greeting, door swinging inward to reveal Dieter fucking Bravo.

Of course, he looks fucking delectable. Dressed in that awful brown fuzzy coat that you thrifted for him — you’d been terrified of his reaction when you told him it was secondhand but he told you bluntly that he didn’t fucking care it’s fucking beautiful — and a cream-coloured button up. His throat bobs as he looks you over same as you’re doing to him, and you’ve got half a mind to hook your fingers in his collar and yank him into your bedroom, but you stuff your hands in the back pockets of your jeans instead.

“Traffic was surprisingly non-existent,” he tells you, and your heart is in your throat as he brandishes your notebook towards you, offering it first. You snatch it out of his hand, crushing it to your chest as you step out of the way so he can step inside, spotting the tied white bag of Chinese take-out in his other hand. You just watch as he heads into your kitchen, stepping out of his shoes. “I went to that place you like, near the laundromat?” He chuckles, setting the bag on your kitchen counter. “They remembered our order.”

You can’t help yourself. “Extra egg rolls?”

He scrunches his brow at you, nearly rolling his eyes as he shrugs out of his jacket. “Obviously. Fortune cookies too.”

God, I love you, is what you nearly say.

“You didn’t have to bring food, D,” is what comes out of your mouth instead, but he just waves you off. “Thank you, for the notebook. I could have come to get it.”

He’s rummaging through your cupboards, finding plates and cutlery. Should you be mad, that he just invited himself over like this? Maybe, but you can’t find it in you. You’re too happy to see him, and the feeling sits on your chest like a little ball of sunshine, warm and bright.

“S’okay,” he says, getting himself a glass of water. “I needed a reason to get out of bed.”

“Jet-lag that bad?”

He groans loudly, head dropping back on his shoulders. “London was hell, babe,” he tells you, the pet name rolling off his tongue so easily your stomach does a backflip. He pauses, sets his glass on the counter, wipes his hand on his jeans. “I missed you, wished you were there.”

You chew your lip, leaning against the kitchen doorway. “Me too.”

“Let’s eat,” he declares, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, “and I…I have something I need to tell you.”

You just nod. “I have wine.”

His head snaps up, eyes widening slightly. “Wine would be good.”

You nod again in agreement, turning to the cupboard that holds the glasses. You don’t miss the way Dieter’s eyes linger on you as you reach up to the second shelf, your sweater riding up in the process. By the time you sink back down onto your toes, he’s clearing his throat and turning towards the kitchen table.

Healthy amounts of wine are poured, and you’re both quiet for a few minutes as you eat. You can’t stop yourself from glancing at him every so often. He looks…different, but the same. It’s only been a few weeks, and his beard has mostly grown back from when he’d trimmed it for Halloween, his hair a bit more wayward. There are dark circles under his eyes, which you know can be partially blamed on the jet-lag and the travelling, but something tells you you are also the reason.

Dieter’s cleared his plate, and you’re twirling noodles on your fork when he speaks, his voice so clear it startles you. He’s got his elbows braced on the table, hands curled around his biceps.

“I love you,” he states, the words casual, simple, like he’s telling you his favourite colour. He hasn’t said them out loud before. Your McDonald’s napkin confession is still pressed between a book in your bedroom. “I’m in love with you, and I’ve been in love with you for a long fucking time now, and if I’m totally honest with you, baby, I still don’t totally know what I did that night that made you so upset, but I know I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life if it means I’m losing you because of it.”

You lean back in your chair, fork clattering to your plate, noodles discarded. It’s a long moment before you find the courage to look at him, reaching for your wine glass and draining the dregs before you can say anything.

“We were drunk,” you start, and he just nods, his head dipping slightly, eyes removed from your face, focused on his empty plate. “And after that guy threw himself at me, I just…” You shake your head. “I just wanted to go home, and then you asked me if I kissed him and—”

“It doesn’t matter,” he interrupts, and you lift a hand for a moment before letting it rest on the table between you.

“But you asked. You asked, and I just wanted to go home and forget about it, but you kept pushing, D, and it hurt. It hurt a lot, and my drunk brain wanted out.”

His brow hardens, and slowly, he walks his hand towards yours, fingers tiptoeing across the table until they’re curled around your knuckles. “I’m sorry, baby.” He clears his throat. “I’ve been thinking a lot, about what you said that night. That you’re not…built for it, the cameras and the parties and well, me, and I just—”

“I didn’t mean you,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “I never meant you.”

The corner of his mouth quirks. “Good to know. But the paparazzi and the parties and all the bullshit, I know it’s a lot, baby. I do. I hate it. You don’t know how many times I wish I could just turn it off. And you were right, you never asked for any of this, and if you wanted to walk away from that, I wouldn’t blame you. I wouldn’t stop you either.”

His eyes flick to yours, and you stare at each other for a long moment, the air growing thick with tension. He’s offering you an out, specifically, explicitly. If you wanted to walk away from that.

If you wanted to walk away from him.

Slowly, you start to shake your head. His brow twitches before it lifts in question. “I can’t walk away from you, Bravo. Not in a million years.”

Dieter smiles as you push your chair back, getting up and stepping towards him. He moves his own chair back, opening his arms to you as you slide into his lap. His hair is silk beneath your fingers, and you don’t give a fuck about the weird Chinese-and-wine taste on his lips as you kiss him.

“Baby,” he murmurs against your mouth, the word reverent as hell, the closest thing to a prayer you think you’ll get out of Dieter Bravo. He slides one hand up the back of your sweater, palm skimming along warm skin, and your back arches into his touch, familiar and fiery.

Your free hand fists in the front of his shirt, and for a moment, you forget about all of it. The party and the fight and the screaming and all of it. It doesn’t matter — it truly does not fucking matter — and you’ll be damned if you let it get in the way of being with him. Being with your best friend.

His curls wrap around your knuckles as you drag your mouth down, kissing the bare patches in his beard. Lashes fluttering, his head tips back when you tug lightly on his hair, his other hand slipping down to cup your ass through your jeans. “My pretty fucking baby.”

“You’re mine too,” you say into his collar, the words spoken into his skin as you graze your teeth over the thin skin, stifling a moan as he rolls his hips up, chasing yours, the layers of denim between you creating a teasing sort of friction. “You’re my pretty baby too.”

You can feel his grin as you mouth moves back up to his, another kiss pressed to the bare spot along his jaw before you take his bottom lip between your teeth, nibbling lightly, pulling back slightly before you release it. He groans, the hand under your sweater curled around your ribs. You’re not wearing a bra underneath, and it would be all too easy for him to—

“Dieter,” you breathe out as his hand scoops around, deft fingers squeezing your breast, rolling your nipple between his knuckles.

“Tell me, honey,” he nearly purrs, and now it’s his mouth dragging down your jaw, aquiline nose sliding against your throat as your body reacts to his touches. “Tell me what you want.”

“Do you wanna have sex with me?” you ask, the words nearly slurred, accompanied by an erratic roll of your hips.

He kisses your pulse. “Only if that’s what you want.”

“It is, D,” you answer, your voice almost frantic now. “Please, it is, I promise. I want you.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders, keeping him close, tugging at his hair until he tilts his face back up to you. “Always.”

You’ve never seen him smile like this, all crinkly-eyed and beaming, and you swear those brown eyes go shiny before he pulls you back in for a kiss. He’s got both hands on your ass now, and with a grunt, he lifts you up and onto the table, blindly moving the plates and glasses out of the way once you’re seated.

It’s a mad scramble after that, your legs hitched around his hips. Your sweater is yanked over your head, your fingers fumbling around his buttons until his shirt hangs open. He lays you back gently, one hand beneath your head, and you choke on a gasp as he leans over you, lowering his head to your chest and sucking on your nipple. You thread your fingers in his hair again, holding him in place while he slides his other hand beneath the waist of your jeans, straight past your underwear, two fingers finding your clit with expert precision as he lets his teeth scrape a little.

“Fuck.”

“Y’know, I musta got myself off twenty times just thinking about the noises you make,” he grumbles, still attached to your chest, pushing at your jeans. “Fuckin’ brain doesn’t do you justice, baby.”

You start to giggle, but it drags into a gasp when he gives you more teeth, getting your jeans undone and tapping your hip.

“Lift,” he commands, and you do, long enough for him to yank the material down your legs, your underwear gone with them.. His mouth leaves your chest only then, laving a path of wet kisses down your stomach. He bites at your hipbone and you keen, his name echoing through the kitchen. “Pretty baby,” he nearly growls, pushing your legs wide, wasting no time spreading your pussy and dragging his tongue through your folds. “Beautiful fucking girl.”

You let out a whimper that sounds pitiful as all hell to your ears, but it sets Dieter off. He sinks to his knees right there on the kitchen floor, both hands hooking around your thighs, sliding your legs over his shoulders as he devours you. He’s relentless, loud with it, slurping at you, sucking at your clit and shoving his tongue as deep as he can. It’s anything and everything, it’s far too fucking much and not nearly enough all at once.

You can feel your orgasm barrelling towards you like a freight train already, and your hand slaps hard against the wood of the table, nails scratching at the surface, other hand knotted in his hair. “D, please,” you groan out, one heel sliding between his shoulder blades. “Ohmigod, fuck, please, please, please.”

“Use your words, baby,” he murmurs into your thighs. “C’mon, don’t be shy.”

“I need your cock, Dieter,” you spit out, his name more like a shout. “Fuck, please, baby.”

Normally, he’d make you work for it. You’ve been in this situation before, his face buried between your thighs and you begging for his cock. Usually, he’d yank another orgasm or two out of you, leaving you dripping and aching to be filled, maybe tease you with a finger or two before he carried you to his bed or yours, before he gave you what you really needed.

This time, there’s none of that. There’s a feral, almost desperate look on his face as he pulls himself back up to stand, hastily undoing his jeans and freeing himself. He’s hard as a rock, stroking himself as he makes a home between your legs. You push up on your elbows, legs hitching over his hips again as he drags the tip of his cock through your soaked pussy. You can’t hold back the mewling noise that falls out of you when he taps himself against your clit, drags himself back down, notched at your entrance and—

—just stands there. Frozen. One hand on his cock, the other splayed on the table beside you, he leans in until his nose is just brushing yours. “Look at me, baby,” he says, his voice soft. “I wanna watch your face while I fuck you, okay? Wanna see that pretty face come undone.”

His words send a zap through you and as he pushes inside you, filling you completely, his hand moves to your throat, fingers wrapped around and squeezing ever so slightly.

“There she is,” he whispers, voice still so soft, but husky and gravelly. “There’s my pretty baby. I fill you up so perfectly, don’t I?” Your eyes flutter shut, and he squeezes your throat, prompting you to answer. “Don’t I?’

“Uh-huh,” you mewl, leaning up into his touch. You pull yourself closer, burying his cock deeper inside you as you inch towards him. Reaching back to grab a handful of his ass, you tilting your face towards his, feeling his fingers twitch up your jaw. “So fucking good.”

“Missed you so much, baby,” he grits, and slowly, starts to move, dragging himself out of you almost completely before he’s sliding back in, gliding easily thanks to how fucking wet you are. “Missed your pretty face and the way you laugh and your touch and your kisses and your pussy and you.” He’s babbling, and his pace starts to pick up as he speaks, hand moving higher up your face until his grip is more on your jaw than your throat. “Don’t ever wanna lose you again, baby,” he whispers, kissing you hard. “Never.”

You shake your head, lips brushing his, pulling him into you. “Never.”

The intensity is next level, and you can feel it, the way words seem to lose their meaning. He’s still talking, you think, but you can barely understand the consonants and vowels he strings together, your eyes glued to his lips, his face, those dark eyes pouring into yours as he holds you at the very edge of the table.

Your orgasm comes out of nowhere, the pleasure ramped up enough as it is, but Dieter moves his hands from your jaw around to the back of your head, tugging your hair until you tilt your head back and he can lick a stripe up your throat. It makes you mewl, but coupled with his husky I love you so fucking much, you’re a goner.

Yeah, you heard that.

White noise fills your head, drowning out any other words, any other noise. You nearly slide off the table, your legs twitching hard as your pussy clamps down on him hard. You’re vaguely aware of his grip changing, both his arms wrapping around your torso, holding you as close as he can. Your knees slide up his ribs as he drives forward, and after a low noise you barely make out, there’s a familiar warmth between your legs, his head dropped onto your shoulder, hot breath spilling across your bare chest.

After a few minutes, after your nerves have returned to a normal frequency and your breathing isn’t as heavy, you slump back on the table, and Dieter goes with you. You’re both sweaty messes, his hair plastered to his forehead and you can feel the droplets on your back.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes out, head against your collar, one hand roaming your side. You hum, amused, and he lifts his head slowly. “You good, baby?”

“Mmm,” you nod, reaching out to card your fingers through his hair. “Sooooooo good.”

He laughs, a genuine sound that zips through his features, eyes crinkling with mirth, and he drops his head to kiss your sternum. “How’s about I take you to bed?” he murmurs into your skin, curls flopping back across his forehead and skimming your skin. “Gotta make up for lost time, hmm?”

By way of answer, you lean up slow, the pair of you disentangling from each other, whimpering when your bodies are no longer joined together. He folds himself around you once you’re standing, and you shriek when he sweeps an arm behind your knees, lifting you into his arms and nearly sprinting from your kitchen.

Your back hits the bed a second later, and Dieter steps out of his undone jeans, shrugs off his open shirt. He crawls over you then, caging you in with his arms, and even exhausted and pleasure-soaked as your body is, you still find yourself keening up into his touch, lips chasing his. Your arms slide beneath his, fingertips skating up his ribs and towards his spine, roaming his skin as he leans down to kiss you.

“You don’t have plans this weekend, do you?” he whispers against your mouth, nipping at your bottom lip. You shake your head. “Good, cuz I don’t plan on letting you out of this bed.”

“Oh, shit!”

You nearly shout the words, and Dieter jumps, eyes going wide as you start kicking back blankets, pulling yourself out of his arms. He protests at first, a whine rising in the back of his throat, refusing to let you go, and it makes you giggle, turning to peck his cheek. “I’ll be right back,” you tell him, another peck to his nose, then his lips. “Promise.”

Reluctantly, he releases you, pouting as you scramble off the bed and pad towards your closet.

“What are you doing?” he asks, reaching for the bottle of water balanced on the nightstand. “You’re not getting dressed, are you?”

“Why, so you can just get me naked again?” you quip, lifting a brow as you reach for the doorknob. “No, I have something for you.”

Dieter lets his eyes rake over your body, your top half covered by his button-up, though none of the buttons are done up, and your bare legs, looking miles long as you pull the closet door open and disappear behind it.

“Can I guess?” he calls, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Is it…edibles? A pony? That really good bourbon we had at that one bar in LA where the bartender tried to take you home?”

You poke your head back out, brow still raised. “And I threw said bourbon in his face? No. You’re not even close, Bravo.”

You disappear again, and Dieter chuckles to himself. The tightness in his chest is gone, the lurking anxiety that had riddled his body in the weeks since Halloween mostly dissolved. Ever since that night, he’d been going over it in his head again and again, everything he’d said, everything you’d said. It played on a seemingly endless loop, and he’d paced his apartment for hours, did the same in London, trying to come up with something to say to you, the right way to broach the silence that had formed between you.

He’d lost you. The one thing he’d tried his hardest to steer clear of, he’d managed to sprint headlong into.

If he closes his eyes, he can still hear it perfectly, the way your voice had cracked when he asked if you’d kissed that fuckwad at the party, the tears that had followed when he’d finally forced himself to look at you. It didn’t matter — it still doesn’t matter — and yet, he’d persisted. His drunken brain had refused to let it go, demanded to know, demanded to get an answer. It had all spiralled out from there, you’d admitted fears he didn’t realize you had, and before he knew it, he was trudging home in the dark, breaking down in the elevator and whipping that little velvet box into the back of his closet as hard as he could. It’s still sitting there on the floor, buried amongst the pieces of his Mandalorian armour, save for the helmet, which he doubts he’ll ever see again.

He wasn’t lying; London had been hell. He’d dragged himself through the early morning call times and let the jet-lag eat him alive, drinking and smoking himself into a stupor each night before filling his veins with caffeine come morning. He’d basically abandoned his phone for most of the trip. Every time he looked at the screen, his fingers itched to call you, text you, send you a fucking DM on Instagram. Or he’d flip through the photos on his phone, the candids and the few professional shots of you he’d gotten from his agent, your red carpet debut at the awards show so many months ago, that fateful night where he’d asked you to stay after you fucked each other senseless, and by some stroke of luck, you’d said yes.

Coming home, he’d tried to come up with some semblance of a plan. Maybe dinner, maybe lunch, maybe a simple coffee at that one café you both loved. He wasn’t sure where, but he had a laundry list of things to say, a million ways he hoped to prove himself, to win you back. He was deciding between texting or calling to ask you to meet him when his phone rang, and your face lit up his screen. A silly little candid photo from that drunken night, when you’d dragged him into McDonald’s and he’d drawn your portrait in on a napkin. Your fingers are curled around the pen he’d used in the photo, the end tucked between your teeth, a cheeky grin on your red-stained lips.

You’d called.

He’d planned a whole speech, and it didn’t start with the love confession. He’d get there, to be sure, but originally, he’d wanted to give you the out to begin with. If you wanted to walk away, he wouldn’t stop you. It would hurt like hell, to be sure, but Dieter couldn’t let himself keep you roped into a life that even got the better of him sometimes. It wasn’t fair. To either of you, but the fame was his burden to bear, mostly, and if you didn’t want a part in it, he wouldn’t force it. He couldn’t do that to you.

But even now, your answer rings out clear in his head.

I can’t walk away from you, Bravo. Not in a million years.

“Close your eyes!” you call, your voice slightly muffled. Dieter cocks a brow, but does as you say, palms pressed to his eyelids. “Are they closed?”

“Either that or it just got really fucking dark in here.”

“Smart ass.”

He grins. “You love me.”

“You’re damn right I do.” His cheeks heat. “Keep them closed.”

He hears the creak of the door, and drags his hands down slightly, keeping his knuckles together to block his view. “Can I open them?”

“Not yet!” you squeak, and he can feel the bed shift as you climb back on the foot. The soft skin of your legs brushes his, and he tries not to moan at the warmth between your thighs as you settle onto him. A pause, and he makes a questioning noise. “Okay, now!”

He spreads his fingers, cracking one at you, and promptly bursts into laughter.

You’re wearing the helmet.

You’re wearing the helmet, and his shirt, and nothing else. The image is both the absurdest and sexiest thing he’s ever seen, but he’s laughing so hard his ribs start to hurt. You sit there triumphantly, astride his lap, your hands on your hips, chest puffed.

“You left it at Sean’s,” you say, your voice muffled by the metal, “and…I liked the costume, okay?” You lift the helmet slightly as Dieter’s hands find your hips, revealing your bitten lips and sparkly eyes. “I liked it a lot.”

His laughing abates slightly at the tone in your voice. He pulls you close by the waist, shifting until your hips slide over his. “I liked yours, too.” Dieter leans up, presses his mouth to the underside of your jaw, feeling the quiet sigh that slides from your throat. “Although I’m probably a bit biased.” He nips at your skin. “I’ve always loved the look of you in my clothes.”

“D,” you breathe out, and his grip on you tightens, mouth moving up to yours as you pull the helmet all the way off, letting it fall onto the bed beside you. Your arms are around his neck a second later, pulling yourself impossibly closer to him, closing whatever distance has formed between you. He inhales deeply, drinking in the sweet scent of your skin, his hands guiding your hips over his. It’s such a familiar feeling, teasing and warm, and Dieter leans back, taking you with him.

There’s a quick shuffle of bodies and fabric, legs adjusted and the blankets pushed off his hips, freeing his hard cock. You gasp as it smacks against your ass, grinding down into him as he continues to litter your jaw and throat with kisses. There’s no barrier between you, no silk or lace for him to hook to the side, and you’re warm and wet and wanting as your knees widen around his hips, opening you up to him. It’s a slick slide inside, your fist thumping into the pillow beside his head.

“How’s it feel, baby?” he grunts into your jugular, arms moving to wrap around your torso, keeping you pinned against him as he kicks the blankets back further, planting his feet and thrusting up into you. You make a choked noise, like the air has been punched from your lungs, one of those little noises he loves so much following close behind. “Always so fucking tight for me.”

You thread one hand in his hair, holding him close, while the other reaches behind you, palm skimming his thigh. “Go slow, D, yeah?”

There’s a strain in your voice he’s never heard before, and he freezes. “You okay?”

You nod, chin hitting the top of his head. “I’m good. Just a bit sore.”

“Sore?” he repeats, detaching his lips from your throat to pull back so he can see your face. It’s a familiar sight, your features screwed up in pleasure, but there’s a pinch to your brows that makes him wary. “We don’t have to, baby. I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“But I want to,” you whine, your hips moving over his slower than molasses. It makes his cock drag through you deep, and he bites back his own moan, but you make a little noise he knows is a whimper of pain, not pleasure, and he can’t.

“Baby,” Dieter says, the pet name terse on his lips. “It’s hurting you.”

Before you can bite back any further protest, he’s rolling you, cock slipping out of you in the process. The movement makes you gasp, your back hitting the mattress, hair splaying across the pillows. It makes him stop for a moment, the look of you beneath him, the almost dazed look in your eye. But then your eyes catch on his, locking together, so bright and full of trust his heart aches, and the image of that little black box slides into his brain.

Not yet, something in him says. You just got her back. Do it right. Not yet.

“Hey,” you murmur, fingers catching on his chin, nail scratching at his scruff. “Love you.”

He beams back at you, returning the words, and dives in. You squeal as he grabs at your sides, ticklish fingers against your ribs, your thighs hooked over his as he kisses your lips, cheeks, neck, collarbone. He pushes away the fabric of his shirt on your body, nips at your tits, sucks your nipples between his teeth each in turn, giving each of them equal attention. Your hands find his hair again, and he silently wishes they’d never leave as his tongue swipes against the underside of your breast, teeth scraping the pillowy flesh. You’re so soft, and you react to each of his touches.

When he drops a wet kiss to the little tattoo on your hip, you yank lightly at his hair. He lifts his head. “Wha—?”

“Nothing,” you reply, chewing your lip. “You just look really good like this.”

“About to devour my baby’s pussy?” he quips, and he can see the shiver run through you, your head tipping back against the pillows as he moves lower. “I fuckin’ better.” He dips his head again, plants a kiss on the inside of your thigh. “Gonna make you cum now, baby, okay?”

He thinks you nod, hears you make one of those tiny noises again, and seals his mouth over you. You’ve never tasted better to him, and some debauched part of his brain realizes that you taste like the both of you, the evidence of your reunion sharp on his tongue, the multiple rounds that had followed seeping out of your pussy as he pushes his tongue inside. Your noises are music to his ears, not a single bit of strain in your voice as you lift your hips against his mouth. He hooks both arms around your thighs, keeps you tight against him, locks his hands over your stomach. You claw at him, back arching, tits bouncing, and his eyes rake over you.

My baby, my pretty baby, my perfect fucking baby.

He hums against you, nearly growling as he feels your pussy clench against his tongue, pulls back only enough to wrap his lips around your clit, sucking hard until your thighs go tight around his ears. You’re chanting his name, tugging at his hair hard, and it just spurs him on.

He’s hard as a rock, rolling his hips into the mattress with every lick he gives you. He can feel his own orgasm sitting at the base of his spine, curled around his nerves like a snake. He’s gonna make a mess, he already knows, and part of him is trying to hold it at bay, but then you start to cum, nearly shouting with the force of it, your head tossed back, hands holding him close as possible, and he loses it. He can’t hold it back.

“Dieter,” you breathe out, your back arched so hard he’s almost worried, but you’re clenched around him so tight, thighs a vice around his head, hands locked in his hair. He’s twitching against the blanket, cock emptying into the fabric, and he moans into you.

He loses track of time, laid there between your legs, cock pulsing against the sheets, the taste of you heavy on his tongue. He waits for you to catch your breath, busies himself with kissing every inch below your waist, hands still locked together on your stomach. You make a pleased little noise as he gives you gentle kisses, nose dragging along your skin as he goes.

“Hey,” you murmur again, fingers soft in his hair now, brushing wayward curls from his forehead. He lifts a brow, mouth still pressed to your skin. “How about you come kiss my mouth instead?”

He groan as he moves onto his knees, and glances between his legs, the wet spot on the blanket underneath him. Heat rises in his face as he looks back at you. “I made a mess.”

Your lips part, something flaring in your eyes, and you’re grabbing at his shoulders, hauling him up and over you. “I don’t care. That’s so fucking hot.”

Dieter chuckles into your mouth, kissing you soundly. He knows you don’t care about the taste of yourself on his lips, sighs when your tongue pushes past his teeth.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baaaaaaaaaby.

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. Breathed into your mouth.

“Move in with me.”

You inhale sharply, pulling back slightly, and that same flare is still in your bright eyes. Your grip on him adjusts, one hand in his hair, the other wrapped around his chin. His stomach fills with regret instantly, the silence that stretches on as you stare at him making him wish he could time travel or some shit, go back thirty seconds and—

“Yes.”

—————

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