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#this is an online diary
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Thinking about how I made that pack with myself at 15 that if I still wanted to kill myself in 10 years I could as long as I didn't complete at least 3 out of 5 things I set out for myself because if I was completing that list then that meant my life was on the right track and worth living. I still want to die. I turn 25 in about 5 months. I've completed 2/5 things. Hmmmm. It's going to be an interesting 5 months.
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pmpknsoup · 11 days
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sometimes i feel like im the wrong Kind of aromantic. like, i see posts on tumblr all the time about other aro people talking about how all aro people hate romance in media, or hate shipping, or the like. and yeah, functionally i know that this isnt a general statement, and obviously they don't mean Every Aro Person Ever but. you know. its easy to feel like youre doing something wrong, even when youre just being a person
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vortahoney · 2 months
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They should invent a getting out of bed that doesn’t take an hour
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gentlespriting · 11 days
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today:
got a head start on one of my assignments 📄📄
making myself physically attend today's lecture lol
passed my first dorm inspection !
love love love the sunsets here, the colours are always so vivid 🧡🌅
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klausysworld · 5 months
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(This is based on that cam girl idea I had except I ended up making more boring than I initially thought so I might make another or something? I dunno, either way I hope everyone likes it cuz it’s still cute)
Something special
Klaus was no stranger to sex. Over a thousand years he had tried damn near everything and knew just how to pleasure both himself and others. He found it both amusing and inspiring how humans invented new things to satisfy their needs and often tested them out. Webcaming sites were one of his favourites.
Having an eager, gorgeous girl on his screen teasing him for hours and moaning softly. It helped that he had a lot of money, it mean he had private chat rooms and calls with a lot of these girls. There, when it was only him, they would begin to lose more clothing. Some were happy to be completely naked for everyone to see but the ones who were out for money only did it for the right amount. They were his favourites, knowing that they got excited when he joined the live because he would offer what they needed.
He hadn't been on for a good while while he was busy with his curse and hybrids but once he had the time, he decided to log back on. He scrolled for a little while to find someone who peaked his interest. Klaus was careful with who he picked, he didn't want to have loads of girls waiting for him, he needed them to feel special and wanted.
But after a little while, he found her. Y/n, or at least that was her name on here. With a slight smile, he joined. She was in her panties and an oversized baby-pink jumper that went just over her thighs and swallowed her pretty body. Her hair was down and she was simply eating her dinner, gammon egg and fries. The wall behind her was white and he could see the end of her bed at the edge of the screen. She smiled at the camera as she dipped her fry in her egg and took it into her mouth, chewing slowly before swallowing it down.
He watched the comments, and then her, studying how she reacted to different requests and compliments. Some people were asking for her to take off the jumper, some were asking her to lick her knife and others were asking to have a private or members only stream. She hummed softly as she took a sip of her drink, which was a tall glass of milk making Klaus smirk.
She shifted to sit up in her knees, her thighs parted but the jumper making it impossible to see between them. A good few people send her money, most a maximum of $50 but he could tell that she was happy with that. She let out a soft laugh at one of the comments, "mm it's just milk, I'm sorry" she smiled and as though it were contagious, so did Klaus.
For the next few nights he just watched her. The most she would let anyone see of her was her thighs or sometimes a little cleavage but she wasn't explicit at all. He began to wonder how much it would take to have her take her panties off. So, out of curiosity, he asked.
He watched as her face went pink and she fiddled with the edge of her t-shirt. "You're very forward..." she glanced at the accounts name "Nik" she murmured softly and he grinned.
A hundred?
He questioned with a sly smile and she nibbled her lip and ignored him making him hum lowly to himself.
Two hundred?
He asked, his eyes narrowing slightly in determination. When she still didn't answer him and instead began talking to a different one of her...fans I suppose, he decided to send her some money. $500 to be exact. Her eyes went wide and she seemingly shrank into herself. "I- um..." her face reddened and she paused for a moment before the steam ended. He then received a private message
I can refund you
was all it said and he frowned
Why would I want a refund? It's for you, sweetheart.
he replied with a click of his tongue, watching the three dots dance across his laptop screen.
I won't do what you want for it. You can have it back.
she was scared and he knew that but he didn't want her to be.
That's alright, love. You can keep it anyways. Maybe buy yourself something and wear it in your next show.
he offered, hoping she would accept. As soon as she did, he was in.
If you're sure? I'm very sure. Well then thank you, Nik ❤️
he smiled at his screen and went offline for the rest of the night. He began to picture how her body would look beneath her baggy clothes, he imagined her sexy little figure crawling towards him on his screen and her lips whispering his name like she had before.
The thought stuck with him even in sleep and followed him all the next day and onwards.
It took a good couple of weeks to fully gain her attention. Then he was on every day, sending in money and flattering her. He was happy to do so though, besides she had been more confident and a little more seductive with her behaviour. She still never took her clothes off, especially not for everyone but when he went into a members only room with her and a few others she would be in only her underwear. No shirt or jumper to hide her soft skin.
And after persistency, he managed to have a one-on-one session. He had his camera off to begin with but when she shyly asked if she could see him, he didn't want to deny her sweet voice. Her expression was somewhat relaxed when she saw him, he wondered what other kinds of people would manage to get her like this.
He smiled and hummed as he allowed her to look him over for a moment. "Better than expected sweetheart?" he purred and she shrugged sheepishly.
"Well yeah honestly" she laughed and so did he. Most of the men she went one-on-one ended up being either old and alone, young and horny or married and telling her she needed to be quiet because his wife was in the next room over or that he was on break at work. Still, she never hung up, they were paying her after all. Some of them were there purely to talk and of course others were much more direct about what they wanted.
Nik had been a bit of a mystery to her. Sometimes he was asking to see her panties and the next he was just wondering about her day or what things she had in her room like the teddy bears on her bed which she didn't mean to have in the shot.
So she was curious as to how this first personal interaction would go.
Klaus was mostly proud that he had gotten this far but also somewhat excited, after realising that Y/n had become his release for his stress after a long day in Mystic Falls, he began to feel a little something for her. He just knew if she were here that she'd be terrified, she was far too lovely for war and pain. If Klaus were honest, he didn't really understand why she was on this kind of platform, she really didn't seem the type but he assumed it was for the money or perhaps she wasn't as innocent as she made him and the others believe but he didn't think that was the case.
Either way, he had been looking forward to this evening for a while. "Well I'm glad I haven't disappointed" he chuckled and she smiled. She sat back against her fluffy pink beanbag so the camera could see her top half. His eyes traced the pattern on her white lace bra, a little jewel handing for the bottom. Her hair looked freshly done and he could tell that she put in much more effort for her spenders.
"Don't worry about disappointing me, I can promise that you won't" she told him, her voice smooth like silk as his tongue wetted his lips and he straightened up. He was sat in bed, his laptop on his lap over the covers and a bottle of lube on his bedside table just incase.
They began just talking about simple things, she asked him questions and he answered to an extent and vice versa.
But as the night grew older, he began to ask if he was allowed to have a better look at her. She agreed easily and stood up for him, giving a 360 of her body. He groaned softly and damn near begged for her to take her panties off and by the end of the call she did. Her thighs squeezed together but he could see her smooth little mound. She sat back in her beanbag on her side so the curve of her ass was on display for his eyes and occasionally when she shifted, he would catch a glimpse of her glistening cunt.
After a good while she had to go and thanked him for everything he had said to her and given her. He smiled back and thanked her in return "Perhaps next time we'll get rid of that pretty bra of yours too?" he teased and she blushed.
And next time, he did. He had her completely naked, lead on her front and eating some chips while they spoke. Klaus could imagine her tender breasts spilling out of his hands as she told him some innocent story without realising his attention being elsewhere as she leaned up on her elbows allowing him to see her pebbled nipples. Once he let out a groan, she popped her head up and realised. He could see something dim in her eyes and it made him feel some sort of guilt? But she brushed whatever it was away and smiled, asking if he wanted her to help him feel better.
After that he began to push further and further each time, becoming aware that when she trusted him enough, she would do just about. anything.
Her manicured nails would squeeze at her budded nipples while he gave slow strokes to his hardened cock, occasionally cupping his balls to tease himself.
Her legs would part for him to get that view he had longed for, his mouth watering and cock beginning to twitch with the need to bury inside her and yet he feared that he never would.
Often it was one-sided, Klaus would get off while she spoke delicious words to fuel his desire and showed off her body. But after a while he began to request that she showed him how she played with herself. He asked if she ever thought about any of her spenders when she was alone at night and if she would ever let any of them, more importantly him actually meet her. Touch her, fuck her. God he wanted to, he needed to.
Seeing her little fingers curl inside her tight little cunt was becoming addictive. It got even better when he would send her the money over and a link of the toys he wanted her to play with for him.
Sometimes she would bring her toys out in some of her normal streams, she would have her vibrating panties on while she spoke to her fans, grinding against a teddy and biting at her own lip to keep quieter than she would be normally.
Klaus and Y/n had become somewhat emotionally involved without telling the other of their true feelings. They both assumed the other was their for physical things. Y/n especially thought Klaus could care less about her. Especially when he suddenly stopped turning up. Never joining her performances or even coming online. She assumed he must've gotten bored or something?
She didn't know that he was in New Orleans, in and out of wars and living in a house full of bloodsucking creatures, night howlers and magic practisers.
And he didn't know that she was also in New Orleans, working in a little coffee shop out of the way. Not until he found himself inside it after a very long night. He didn't want to go home and stayed out, wondering until the sun rose and shops began to open. That was when he stepped inside and his eyes found hers.
Recognition flashed through both of them and he could hear her heart pounding as she stepped back quickly, tripping on her foot as her breathing escalated and a whispered chant of "nonono" slipped past her lips. On instinct he rushed forward to follow her, shoving past the little gate that let the employees go behind the counter. Other staff yelled at him but he just focused on following her breathing.
He got to a small room which a couple coats hung up and some bags, then he heard a slam and lifted his head to see a window smack closed.
Hurriedly he went back out through the front and sped round where she must’ve climbed out, he could faintly hear the quick patter of footsteps and chased it. His breathing was almost as fast as hers as he turned corners with pace and ran straight into someone. He apologised with a grunt and looked up only to find himself surrounded by people once again as the day was beginning in the busy city.
He let out a frustrated groan and spun around, checking through the crowds as much as he could. “For fucks sake” he growled, storming through the people until eventually finding his way home.
After that day he went back to that coffee shop every day until he eventually compelled one of the other workers only to find out she quit on the same day she saw him there. He compelled every person in the building until one of them told him that they knew where she shopped.
He then continued to hang around the shopping centre for hours like a full on stalker.
Eventually he spotted her, and he did not waste a single second before he was directly behind her “Y/n?” He whispered and she physically jumped as his hand came in contact with her shoulder. She smacked his hand off her, wide eyes staring at him and he knew she was ready to run so he moved forward. Hands either side of her head against the shelves of the supermarket.
Her breathing was laboured and fear rolled off of her. “What do you want?” She whispered, her voice a little more breathy under the circumstances but still mellifluous.
“I- I don’t know” he whispered back, becoming a little confused. What did he want from her? As if realising the situation a little better he moved his hands away from her. What the hell was he doing?
He had caged the poor girl, scared her and for what? To look at her? He could do that online though he was certain she would have blocked his access by now. He didn’t even think to log back on.
His jaw clenched and he took in the anxious expression painting her face. Had someone found her before? Did she think he was here to hurt her?
“I’m sorry” he murmured, taking a hesitant step back “I didn’t know you were here, I just saw you and- I don’t know…I just wanted to…see you? Or talk to you? I don’t-“ he could feel his mouth going dry as he stared at her
“How did you know I’d be in here?” She asked, afraid and a guilty look spread through him.
“Well…okay that makes it look worse” he laughed uneasily. “I just…I missed you” he whispered and she studied his face
“It’s not like it’s hard for you to see me” she whisper yelled and he sighed
“Well I know that but I couldn’t come on there anymore” he mumbled knowing that a number of beings would’ve been able to hear it.
“Right, you’re married or something. Look I don’t care okay? I’m not gonna tell anyone. I don’t even know if your name is Nik” she promised. “I won’t say anything and you won’t say anything…right?” She asked, a twinkle of desperation glistening in her eyes.
His expression softened slightly and he backed away slightly so she wasn’t trapped. “I’m not, married- but I won’t do or say anything. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you” he told her, still confused with what he himself was thinking and doing.
She watched as he left, bumping into someone by mistake as he left. She wasn’t sure whether she should be more afraid or at ease. She leaned more towards the first one.
She began to look over her shoulder whenever she was out, she moved apartments and changed her loyalties when it came to shopping.
And yet still, even with Klaus also trying to avoid her and leave her be, they managed to collide.
Walking straight into each other in the middle of town. His hand had lurched forward to catch her from falling and they both looked to the other prepared to look annoyed before both going silent and wide-eyed. After a second he let go of her and they both muttered an apology, what was worse was that he was with Rebekah and Hope. As soon as Y/n saw the child she turned moved past him, gaining speed as she went. Rebekah could tell something was wrong as her brother went to follow the girl only to sigh and turn back to Hope.
“Secret lover?” She teased but he didn’t look amused so she kept it to herself though she had Hope shared a look.
Klaus however only appeared troubled. He found himself making a new account to watch his girl once again but she’d been inactive for a little while, people asking for her to come back. He hoped he wasn’t the cause but part of him knew he was. He’d spooked her.
But after a while she came back and he watched, send in some cash and eventually he was on a one on one session again. He apologised for how he’d come across and promised he never had ill intentions. After a little time they fell back into pattern and their confidences grew when asking and doing things.
And when he saw her working in an art store selling paints and other mediums as well as helping out with some galleries nearby, he decided to actually talk to her comfortably.
He asked if she’d consider going to dinner with him and gave her his actual number. After a good week she agreed and he had in a fancy restaurant. He could practically smell her nerves but tried his best to soothe her, promising everything was okay and safe. She told him she did the camming for two reasons, for the money but also for herself because she enjoyed it and it made her feel good about herself. They both agreed that if their relationship progressed that it wouldn’t stop her from doing what she wanted just like she wouldn’t stop him from his….job that he made up.
In fact he asked if she’d ever let him join her. She had laughed and shook her head but several dates later when he had her pressed against the same bed that he’d watched her touch herself in months earlier, and was sucking pink marks into his skin, he asked again. And with convincing, she agreed.
God he couldn’t wait to have people know she was taken, he knew it would take a little while but he wanted to make all those people watch as he fucked her senseless. Show them how a real man could treat her instead of those toys.
Not that he didn’t enjoy using them with her, whether it was steaming or in their personal time. He kept her hidden from his family and she didn’t want to ask about it, a little worried for the answer after that time she saw the little girl and blonde women but she had fallen in love with him and it frightened her to think that any of this wasn’t real for him.
For her, she was safe. She was with someone who respected and knew about what she did and would pleasure her not only privately but willingly be apart of her…show.
And for him, she was someone who didn’t see him as a monster or a freak. She wasn’t caught up in any of his family drama or causing any. Everything was nice…for a while.
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mind-of-mud · 9 months
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the barbie movie has slowly made me realize that maybe i never hated being a girl. maybe i just hated the way i was treated for it.
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blueprint-9376 · 21 days
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05.04.2024 [🤔]
🌛: 우선순위를 정하자/ Let's prioritize things to do
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solarsapphic · 3 months
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some outside studying in the nice weather ☾⋆⁺₊✧
not always glad to live in a warmer area, but days like these definitely make it worth it !! so glad i got to get some sunlight and away from my roommate lol. also very proud to say I'm slowly getting the hang of r studio <3
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neon-ufo · 5 months
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October 2023
I turned 30 on October 13th
I've felt like my recent art has been lacking something personal, and I feel a strange distance from most of my works, it's something that's been bringing me down a lot lately.
I feel like I hit a wall, and I need to break a hole through it so that I can emerge as something new on the other side.
Big Challenges
Album of the month: - Song of the month: Moon River by Audrey Hepburn
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romancemedia · 1 month
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Anime Girls - Like Mother, Like Daughter
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Strange to notice that the periods of my life when my mental health is the absolute worst and the periods of my life where i think James Bourne is the best most perfect hottest person alive overlap.
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digitalgirlguide · 2 months
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girl therapy
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calamitydawning · 10 months
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rusty + rowly in silverglade :)🐴
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skelavender · 3 months
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“oh hey he was in the x files”
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prttylittlediary · 5 months
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“lipstick on a pig” yeah and she’s fucking stunning
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finnies-blog · 11 months
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being alive shouldn’t be this painful
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