#while sobbing the whole time and being so emotionally drained by the whole thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queenimmadolla · 2 years

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I can’t wait for more CYM and more Of Eddie with baby Wayne and Penny! 💖 which reminds me I think it would be really funny if Eddie got called in to the preschool for something Penny did like biting another child or something becuase they said something mean

i like the way you think! this takes place the day after Cookies ‘N Clean.

BABY’S GOT BITE - Fall of ‘91

(young parents!Eddie Munson x fem!reader)

more dad!eddie and penny adventures can be found on my masterlist

summary: . . . just a couple of hours after dropping your four year old off for her first day of preschool, you and Eddie are called back to pick her up.

a/n: once more, everyone lives in Hawkins because i said so. mistakes will be fixed later, i’m currently shadowbanned (pretty sure so hi if you see this) and one thing i can’t do is post on the website for some reason so sorry if the formatting is weird. 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

* . *• + . * . * . *• + . * . * . *• + . * . * . *• + . * .

“Call Friend Bear, call Share Bear, call the whole squad of Care Bears because there is a lack of caring in this room. I don’t care, I really do not give a singular care. None. You wanna know why? ‘Cause they are art. They are a lifestyle. You are gonna watch Cheech & Chong and you are gonna love them.” Argyle ducked around Steve and made a dive for the VHS player.

“You always pick them for your turns on movie night, Argyle, please. I can recite the scripts by now!”

Eddie shook his head, lips curled into an amused smirk as he watched the two fight over what movie to play next. Most of the group had knocked out, not used to being awake that early anymore. He didn’t care what movie was playing, it was like nine in the morning, both you and Eddie had the day off since it was Penny’s first day at preschool and you knew the goodbye when dropping her off would drain you both emotionally.

Penny had cried the whole time, but refused to be anything but positive in her actions. She was tearing up as you both walked her in, fat tears had been rolling down her cheeks when you’d both smothered her with kisses, but it had been saying goodbye to her baby brother that really made her start sobbing. Wayne was barely a year old, but sensing his sister’s distress, was in anguish himself, lower lip wobbling as he cried and reached for her.

You’d wanted to comfort her but she hadn’t let you, she’d even been crying as her teacher lead her away all the while waving goodbye to her family as she disappeared from view.

All your friends—minus the kids, they had school, too—had also called in special favors to get them free for the morning, eager to be there for her first day as well. They hadn’t gone to the preschool with you, but they’d been there to say goodbye before you all left the apartment—Robin and Argyle had cried harder than Penny and Jonathan had been forced to comfort both because Steve was also trying not to get emotional—in the morning and they’d decided to stick around until she got home.

The living room was packed, but Eddie was grateful for everyone’s support and he was trying not to get too choked up about how much they all loved Penny.

You were curled into his side, on the recliner, tears smeared around your eyes as you snuggled into him for comfort. You’d been quiet ever since you got back home, he knew how guilty you were feeling because he felt the same sense of guilt. He wanted to pull Penny out of class so bad but he’d remind himself that all four of you needed to get used to it, she’d have to start going to school eventually.

Barely a few minutes into the trailers, the phone rang. You shifted to stand but Eddie nudged you further into the seat, pressing a kiss to your head as he slipped out from underneath you and grabbed the phone off the hook.

You didn’t even bother acting like you were paying attention to the tv screen, staring at Eddie as he mumbled into the receiver. You watched as he furrowed his brows and ended the conversation quickly.

“What’s wrong?” You asked the second he returned, drawing the attention of the others. Eden—closest to the tv—paused the movie.

“Something happened at the Preschool, they want us to go over.” You tossed the blanket you’d been under off of you as you stood up. Steve, Jonathan and Argyle jumped up too, and Eddie rolled his eyes as their chests’ puffed out.

“Calm down, Three Musketeers, they said it was an altercation with another kid and I’m hoping you’re above fighting a child.”

“Not like Steve would win.” Robin chirped from her place on the floor, holding a hand up to Eden who reached over and gave her an aggressive high five. Under normal circumstances, Eddie would have laughed, but he was worried about his baby and he could tell you were too, since you were already waiting near the door.

“Shut up!” Steve hissed, "I could take a kid!"

“Want us to watch Wayne for you?” Jonathan asked and Nancy nodded, scooting closer to the end of the couch where the baby monitor was placed.

“That’d be great. Hopefully, we won’t be too long.” Eddie grabbed his jacket and yanked his shoes on before you both hurried out the door.

Eddie had insisted on driving since he was pretty sure you’d break a couple of laws if a meant getting to Penny faster and you would have, so that worked out for the best.

He was practically running to keep up with you as you made your to the front office. They’d been expecting you, the same woman who had greeted you when you dropped Penny off lead you back to her classroom.

All the other kids were playing outside, but Penny’s teacher sat with her at a small table as she colored.

Eddie’s heart dropped when he took in her sad face, lips pulled down in misery.

When she heard the door open and looked up to see you and Eddie, she burst into tears, pushing her small plastic chair back from the table as she hopped down and ran towards the both of you.

You dropped down to a squat, letting her run right into your open arms. Her much smaller ones clung to you tightly as she sobbed and you picked her up, cradling the back of her head while you supported her bottom with the other arm.

You traded concerned looks with Eddie, and when it became clear Penny’s tears wouldn’t be stopping, you handed her over to Eddie so you could go talk to her teacher about what had happened to make Penny so upset.

Penny clung to Eddie just as tightly as she had to you. Deciding it’d be best to take her somewhere she could calm down, Eddie carried her out to the empty hallway.

He pressed kisses to her head, nuzzling his face into the curls that tickled against his face as his hand rubbed up and down her back. Eddie could feel the stutter of her breathing as she hiccuped. “Shhh…It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s got you, daddy’s right here. Mommy’s gonna go talk to your teacher and then we’re gonna go home okay? You wanna tell me what’s wrong, little bitty pretty one?”

His voice was gentle enough to sooth her, her crying morphing into just the hiccups. Tears were still falling from her pretty brown, doe eyes as she wiped her face and nose against the material of Eddie’s shirt.

“H-He—he-he pulled on my hair, daddy! And-And he said I look like uh-like uh a clown!” Eddie had expected her to start crying again, but Penny’s small hands curled into fists, bunching up his shirt.

He raised his eyebrows at the anger reflected on her face, it was one he’d seen pretty often as of late; specifically, when she was throwing her tantrums. Eddie never held those against her, aware she was throwing them because she couldn’t properly communicate or understand why she couldn’t drink any of the cleaning chemicals you had around the apartment—he still couldn’t figure out why she wanted to go for the stuff that could kill her so badly, did she actually want to give him a heart attack?—regardless of how trying it could be to his patience. Especially when the tantrums were because he’d told her ‘no’ or didn’t let her act like a brat.

It was obvious Penny had a negative interaction with a classmate, but she didn’t appear sad when she recanted it to him, just angry.

“A little boy pulled your hair?” Eddie asked, and Penny nodded, removing one arm from around his shoulders to rub at her hair. Eddie raised his hand on the arm he wasn’t using to hold Penny to rub at the spot on her head she’d been caressing, obviously still sore from her fight. “Is that why you’re crying, baby? Did he hurt you?”

“Yeah, but-but thas not why I’m cryin’, daddy. I dint cry when he pulled my hair, I used my words like you and mama tell me then-then after I also bit him really hard just so he know to don’t do it again and he cried and told teacher on me.”

Eddie knew he was telling the guys to be above fighting a child, but boy was this kid testing him, coming up to his baby, pulling on her hair and teasing her. Penny’s hair was curly but kind of all the same length, she very much so had the ‘Annie’ curly ‘fro goin on, it was absolutely adorable. People would constantly stop you two to tell you so when you took her out with you and Eddie couldn’t get enough of it. Penny loved it, too. She’d get all shy and hide her face in Eddie’s neck when given a compliment over it, but the second that person was gone, her pretty hair was all she would chat Eddie’s ear off about.

Still, you’d kill him if he let her bite another kid even though Eddie was positive she’d do it again, eventually. He’d been in that little boy’s position before they’d enrolled her in preschool. Granted he didn’t pull her hair or ever hurt her to be on the receiving end of her bites, no, he got to get those just for being her dad and dealing with those tantrums. He’d take being her gnawing post if that meant he got to be her dad though, it was a real privilege.

“You did the right thing by using your words, baby. But remember, we don’t bite people no matter how mad we get. It’s mean. And you’re not a mean girl,” He cooed, heart melting at the way she preened under the attention and he used his thumb to wipe away the last remaining traces of her tears. “You’re my little bitty pretty princess.” He leaned his head down to press his forehead to hers, grinning as she placed her little hand on the side of his face, caressing his cheek.

“I love you, daddy.” Eddie loved it when her tender side came out, usually right after she was done with her fits and apologetic. After you’d give her time to calm down—much better at dealing with her tantrums since they occurred more often with you because unlike Eddie, you had no problem saying no to her—she’d come find you, crawl into your lap, then tell you how much she loves you and say sorry while you cuddled her. Those were some of Eddie’s favorite moments to watch.

“I love you, too.” He moved his head just so he could press a kiss to her palm, not even concerned as to why it seemed to be sticky. He was used to gross stuff like that already.

Penny spent the rest of the time waiting for you telling Eddie all about the other kids she’d met who hadn’t been mean to her and he listened dutifully, wondering how she managed to seemingly remember the name of every single kid in her class but claimed to not remember household rules like how the toilet isn’t for throwing away toys she doesn’t like anymore or where she put her shoes when Eddie wasn’t watching her close enough.

Eventually you emerged from the classroom and immediately covered Penny in kisses but Eddie noticed how you didn’t try to take her from him and he bit back a smirk. You wouldn’t confess no matter how many times Eddie tried to get you to, but he knew Penny was getting too heavy for you; something you didn’t like to think about because you wanted to consider her a little baby forever.

“So what happened?” He asked once you got your fill. You played with Penny’s fingers, turning her palm over to look at the sticky substance on her palm that caught your attention. Jam.

“One of the boys pulled her hair during story time, the teacher said she went over to intervene but that Penny handled it really well and told him to stop.” You tried to hide your grin, because really this shouldn’t be funny, but your daughter cracked you up sometimes. “Then she got down on all fours and bit his leg.”

Eddie cleared his throat, trying his hardest to not laugh. It would only encourage Penny, she loved making people laugh and if she suspected biting peoples' legs was funny, especially to Eddie, she’d be nipping at her every ankle in sight. “Why was she so upset when we got here? She was crying but she told me it wasn’t because of the other kid.”

“When they mentioned we were coming for her, she started to miss us all over again so she got sad.” No way was Eddie gonna have an easy time doing this all over again tomorrow. No freaking way. His hold on Penny tightened ever so slightly. “The little boy’s mom already picked him up, but they said neither is in any real trouble, they just had to let us know it happened. We can take her home.” It didn’t sound like a suggestion, which Eddie was more than happy about.

He filled you in on the car ride home on exactly why Penny had done what she did and he was surprised you weren’t as miffed about it as he was, then you told him that usually happens to girls. The hair pulling and teasing part, not the biting part.

“It used to happen to me all the time,” You explained, “So, I’m not that surprised that it’s her first run in with something like that, especially from a boy. I don’t like it, but I’m not surprised. Besides, I can’t be mad at her. I used to bite people when I was little, too.”

“I knew it, you looked like a biter in all your kid pictures.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

───

All eyes were on the three of you when you entered the apartment, Penny—who was back to normal and happy the whole ride home—started wiggling in Eddie’s hold when she saw half the group of her favorite people waiting for her.

“What happened?” Nancy demanded, turning away from watching Jonathan wipe the baby food off of Wayne’s face. It looked pointless to Eddie considering most of the baby food was on Jonathan.

You and Eddie exchanged smirks, already having predicated their reactions in the car.

“She bit a kid.”

They erupted into cheers, crowding around Penny when she ran to the living room, forcing herself onto Steve’s lap after Eddie put her down to hear all about it.

You watched in amusement, relaxing back into Eddie’s embrace as he slipped his arms around you from behind. He pressed a few wet kisses to the side of your neck, nipping once at your jaw.

“You know, if you still feel the need to bite someone, I’d be more than happy to be of service, Hannibal.”

“You’re not gonna let that go, are you?”

He just hummed into your neck, but you could tell by the smile you felt pressed into the skin there that no, he was so not gonna let that go.

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fairly-linked · 5 months

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Presence (Twilight x GN!Reader) 🖤✨

A/N: Two fics in the same 24 hours??? Am I okay??? Yes, I'm on vacation. I have energy to write lmao. Eat it up while you can folks. Enjoy! 💖💖💖💖💖

TW: Mentions of depression, self-isolation and general stress on the reader.

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Twilight noticed you'd been a little... off lately. A lot of things had happened over the last few days, and everyone was a bit on edge; the whole team being ambushed around almost every turn, you having trouble keeping up due to some kind of medical issue he wasn't understanding (which terrified him, of course, though he'd struggle to hide it for fear of overwhelming you), and not to mention Wars' and Legend's near constant bickering over trivial matters due to all the stress... But your breaking point seemed to come when the postman delivered a letter to you.

He'd watched as you read it, everyone else watching on as well as it seemed like the emotion drained from your very being. It worried him beyond words. His heart shattered at the sight of you so visibly... emotionally numb. And he'd asked if you were alright, but he knew he could only do so much-- he'd never want to push you.

So instead, he did what he thought was best: he managed to convince the Old Man to let the chain stay at an inn for a few days to give you time to recover from... whatever was going on with you. Twilight soon learned that even though Time didn't show it, he also seemed troubled by your sudden change in demeanor.

He was very thankful now more than ever that the Old Man was a good one at heart. If he hadn't been, the Rancher knew he wouldn't have let you rest.

So here they sit, him and the Old Man, together with the rest of the chain in the inn's dining hall for dinner. The only empty chair was yours, he noted with growing anxiety. You hadn't shown your face all day today...

"...Are they still asleep?" Time questioned him softly. "...This isn't good. They shouldn't be alone when they're feeling like this... It only serves to make things worse in the long run," he sighs.

Twilight nodded. He knew you had a habit of isolating when you weren't feeling your usual self, but... skipping all three meals today was unacceptable. He stood from the table suddenly, without finishing his own food; he'd been so worried about you he couldn't eat much of it anyway.

"I'm... I'm gonna go check on 'em," he states firmly, unable to mask the concern in his voice.

To his surprise, the Old Man didn't try to stop him; Time simply nodded, speaking softly.

"...Why don't you fix them a plate and bring it up? I know they may not want to eat, but even something is better than nothing. They need their strength..."

The Rancher nodded again, fixing you a a decent portion and bringing it up to your room.

When he reached your room, the one that the Old Man was kind enough to let you share with Sky (someone he knew wouldn't bother you)... He paused, his ears twitching slightly at the sound of soft sobs coming from the other side. His heart broke, and a lump formed in his throat; he was so worried about you. He hated to see you in such a state... Nevertheless, he knocked softly.

"(Y/n)? ...Can I come in...?"

The crying hushed immediately, and your shaky voice reached his ears. "W-What do you want...?"

He paused, trying to think of the best way to respond.

"...(Y/n), we're worried about you, darlin'. Can I come in please?"

...Silence. He sighed; he knew he shouldn't barge in on you, but--

"...Fine..."

He let out a sigh of relief at your answer. He opened the door softly, carrying the plate of still-warm food; the room was dark. No lights, the curtains were drawn... Oh, you poor thing, he thinks to himself.

"...I'm turnin' on the light, sweet thing," he says, flicking on the light and watching as your figure huddles deeper under the blanket. He sighs, setting the food down on the nightstand and taking a seat beside you on the bed.

"...Can I ask what's been goin' on with you lately? You've been so sad, and it worries me to see you like this, hun. It worries all of us..." he says softly, placing his hand on your hair and rubbing the top of your head softly with his thumb.

He could've sworn your voice broke a little as you speak again in a softer tone than ever. "...I don't wanna talk about it..."

He sighs, but nods. "...That's okay, darlin'. I won't push you to talk if you don't want to..." he mumbles, still stroking your hair.

"...Can I at least stay here for a bit? I haven't seen your pretty face all day, sweetums."

He hears you sniffle, but he can see you nod. It's hard to make out at first, with your figure huddled deeply under the comforter, but he smiles when he realizes you'd said yes.

He shifts, now sitting cross-legged on the bed beside you, his hand remaining on your head. He sighs, thinking about what he could do to make you feel better.

...He'd be lying if he said he didn't wish you were roomed with him for the night. He wants to make sure you're okay, but he also knows that Sky is perfectly capable of being there for you should you want it.

...And he says 'want', because goddesses know you definitely need it.

"...You feel like eatin'?" he asks softly, voice remaining low as he leans a little closer. He sighs again when he hears you mumble a weak "Not really..."

"...Yeah, I figured..."

He sighs for what now has to be the eighteenth time. He wants you to eat; he knows you haven't all day, and it's past 5 PM now...

"...I know you don't want to, doll, but... could you at least take a little bite? For me? Pretty please?" he asks as sweetly as he can muster.

He hears you sigh, and for a split second he's worried he's pushed you too far; but to his pleasant surprise, you sit up, reaching for the plate.

Heh. Can't say no to me, can you lovebug?

He smiles; the way your hair's all messy and the tired look on your face makes you cute, but in a heart-breaking sort of way. He watches intently as you slowly pick up the fork, poking at the food; and his smile grows more as you finally take a bite.

He places his hand back on the top of your head. "Good pup," he chuckles softly, laughing a little more as you huff at him.

You must've finally realized you were hungry, because he sits in silence for several minutes as you manage to finish off a little more than half the plate.

"There you go," he says softly with a tender smile. "Feelin' a little better?"

You nod, setting the plate back on the nightstand and pulling the blanket back up to your shoulders.

"...You're free to go back to sleep if you want, darlin'. I just wanted to check up on you," he says, subconsciously leaning a little closer to your face as his hand drops to your shoulder. "...Do you want me to stay here, or should I leave?"

"You can stay..." you say softly. He's overjoyed at your response, grinning like a lovestruck dumbass (because he totally is. Not that he's admitting it or anything. Not at all.)

"...I can do that. But you're cuddlin' with me whether you like it or not, lovebug."

He laughs as you huff again, rolling your eyes this time. "Fine..."

His grin only grows, lying down and pulling you down with him. Gently, he pulls your head onto his chest, resting his hand on the top of your head as he noses your hair.

"See? I'm not so bad," he chuckles softly.

"I guess not..." you sigh, and he runs his finger through your hair.

"...Don't worry, sweet thing. Sometimes you just need someone else to take care of you when you can't do it yourself....

"...And I'll be that person if you'll just let me. Don't worry your pretty little head about a thing, darlin'. I'm here..." he says tenderly, stroking your hair.

He's so warm and his presence is so comforting, it's not long before you're on the verge of sleep again. A soft chuckle rumbles in his chest.

The last thing you note in your half-asleep state, is that you could've sworn you felt his lips on your forehead.

"Sleep, little lovebug. I'll be here when you wake up."

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Tagging friends so they see and maybe are proud of me lmao

@trippygalaxy @the-cucco-nuggie (you might like this one. I know how much you like hylian jacob black from twilight)

#bek's.fics #lu twilight #loz linked universe #linked universe x reader #linked universe #fluff #comfort

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kix-mm · 1 year

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G/t build up and break down

Holy shit 54 votes??

Also side note: due to my health I wasn't able to make any art for this post as promised, it'll be released in a separate post and the continuing art will be of what I've made in the past. I'm really sorry but I don't want to keep you all waiting :(

T had always been a sensitive soul, not only to sound and touch but to words too, and yet, somehow they managed to always keep themselves calm and collected, never showing those who would hurt their feelings a single care in the world... they would suppress their feelings, which was already difficult and unhealthy, but it only became harder over time...

G had gotten so used to T being unaffected by their words that G slowly but surely became more and more careless with their teasing, making downright nasty comments about T without actually realizing it hurt their friend, what was even worse is that T also tended to agree with everything G had to say, breaking down any slither of self-worth they still had.

T at this point considered G more of a bully than their friend, but still stuck by them, for days, weeks, months, and a whole 2 years this went on before it finally became too much to handle.

T was emotionally drained and just wanted to be left alone... but unfortunately, G had noticed that T was more quiet than usual, and was being extra pushy to get T to open up to them, G was persistent, too persistent...

"You're so sensitive"

That very last comment made wasn't even the worst T had heard, yet that was what made T finally break into tears, they cried and cried and cried, rubbing the tears away for only more to come streaming down their red cheeks, they just stood there, sobbing profusely. They didn't care what G thought of them anymore, they were hurt, they had put up with G's careless commentary and this is what they got for not being honest about their feelings.

G sat there, completely silent, they had never seen T cry before, and they weren't sure what exactly caused it but G knew that they had probably gone too far... but how? What had happened to T that made them cry this much? Who hurt them so badly that they didn't want to tell their best friend? G was furious at first and was about to persist before T started to spill the truth, how hurt they felt, how the teasing had become more painful than fun after a while, and how they regretted not speaking up sooner...

G slowly picked up the other, gently wiping their tears away with their sleeve and just listening to everything they had to say... this went on for about an hour and T had finally fallen silent like they were before, only this time they looked worried, they had said things that they had never said to anyone before, ever, and the last person they wanted to suddenly vent to was the one who had made them feel like this in the first place... but G didn't get upset for what T had said, instead they were frustrated why T never told G about it until today.

"Did you mean all that you said?" G asked while looking at T, lying curled up in their hand.

"No- I mean- I" T could already feel more tears filling their eyes, and it hadn't even been 2 minutes since they last cried

"Don't backpedal now" G said in a harsh tone and made T face them "I'm not mad at you for saying all that to me, I'm mad that you never said this before. Why? Did you think I would have hurt you? Are you so scared that you would rather suffer in silence than try to communicate with me? Did you think I tried to hurt you on purpose?"

"Yes... I was scared, I was terrified! I didn't want to say anything in case you thought I was being too sensitive." T said while tubbing their eyes

"I wouldn't have thought that! Maybe you are sensitive, there's nothing wrong with that, please just don't do that ever again, okay? I'll be more careful with my words, I promise you can tell me in the future if I hurt you" G never made promises unless he knew they could keep them, and he did, it took T a long time, a very long time. But they got better, more honest, more vocal about how they felt and their opinion on certain things, they were less afraid of their friends reaction because they felt safer around G.

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clicheyettouche · 2 years

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IF I DON’T TAKE A BREAK, THE BREAK TAKES ITSELF.

Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head.

I’m a twenty-five year old working millennial. I started working 3 years ago, kahit na sobrang hirap sa part ko mainly because I’m emotionally unstable but I did try my best to go outside my comfort zone and earn some money. Gaya nang mini-mention ko sa previous posts ko, yes I do have some problems. I developed clinical depression and social anxiety disorder-both of which went undiagnosed for a number of years. This led to destructive pattern of behavior; particularly ones that required me to think in-depth, or about the future and seemed to produce a kind of panic response in me. But I did try my best to shove it all away just so, I can provide for my family. My family needs financial support more than I need my own emotional support, ganun ang thinking ko. I do it out of love. There’s a sense of responsibility along with it but love is mainly why I do it. I can’t imagine not being there for my family.

When I got my first-ever job. I had my big episode of panic attack. It was my first day pero kasama ko pa mommy ko (parang pre-school lang, well bobo ako sa direksyon kaya naging compass ang mommy ko) hindi nya alam pero sobrang nanginginig na 'yung kamay ko. It feels like I have tremors. Parang nag spike 'yung level ng epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine ko. Anytime para ba akong mag co-collapse, pagpasok ko pa lang ng elevator nangingilid na agad ang luha ko. Magaling lang ako magtago. I'm just good at hiding kasi I'm kinda used to it. Pero at the same time my mind was like a mixtape of happy thoughts because finally hindi na ako patabaing baboy lang sa bahay. May use na 'yung existence ko. I can actually help out and I will be able to buy all the things I like; things I’ve never had the chance to buy before.

I have been at this office job for three years and five months and my responsibilities have really ramped up over the last few months. I finally just came to terms with it in the last month. During those hellish months, I was so drained. I feel more empty. I’m just so fed up with everything and anyone. That’s why I had my worst break down nung June 30th. I had a big argument with my Kuya while preparing for our company outing. Maliit na rason lang naman but I had a sudden burst out of emotions and I don’t know how to control it anymore. My feelings are all over the place. 'Yung utak ko napapagod na mag-isip. Para akong mababaliw. Nasanay akong kinikimkim lang lahat, pero at that point it’s different. Yes, I do have my own episodes of meltdown like I’ll cry before I sleep, when I wake up or kahit sa pagligo lang. I’d sob for an hour or two. Living in a third world country, you’re not really informed about mental illness. So, all my life, since childhood, I’d find myself hiding inside the closet, sa CR or even under the bed at take note bed pa ng ate ko since bata pa ako nun. Kasi dun lang ako nakakaramdam ng solace. I’d hide and just feel so heavy that even breathing was a labor.

That’s why I feel like naghalo na ang lahat lahat sa akin. It bacame so messy inside my head. Kaya umabot na sa I almost killed myself, and it was really serious. Hindi drama. Hindi joke. Hindi ko akalain na aabot ako sa ganung stage, oo may mga suicidal thoughts kapag hindi na kaya ng isipan kasi usually it’s normal naman sa karamihan pero doing it in action is a whole different story. Yes, you read it right. The last day of June, I tried to kill myself. Wala sa plan ko ang i-hype ‘yung 13 reasons why sa netflix. It’s just the amount of pressure and stress I was trying to endure all by myself become too much to mask. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I couldn’t even reason with myself. That day, I’m not scared to die anymore. And I don't think I can actually stop myself from doing it. I can actually stab myself or slit my throat without a second thought. The only thing I did first was talk to god, “God please. I’m not scared anymore. ‘Kung mabibigyan mo ako ng sign ngayon to stop me from killing myself then please do it ASAP. Give me a sign or kahit hint kung sa paanong paraan matatapos tong araw na ‘to.” I lifted everything to god while crying so hard that I couldn't even breathe. I'm not expecting an answer from him, it's like giving myself peace just by talking to him. Kasi feeling ko at least I know to myself na what I'm about to do is a sin. And at that point I know I'm not alone. I did feel terrible but I know he will forgive for everything that I did and for what I'm about to do.

And then voila my younger brother opens the door. The funny thing about it is sobrang timing talaga sya. Maaga sya that time in fairness, buzzer beater ang bakla. Panira nang momentum, pero siguro nga god sent him para pigilan ang kahibangan ko. And maybe this is his way of saying na hindi ko pa oras. It's like saying na okay child, how can you do that when your younger brother needs you the most? Kakayanin mo pa kasi I have so much plans for you.

That's why, I’m quitting my job. With no back up plan. Sabi nang karamihan don’t quit your job unless you have a new one. Or at least a plan of some sort. Sabi ko naman, patayin nyo na lang kaya ako. Pero kasi when that suicide attempt happened, my plan changed overnight. Nagbago ang lahat. Sobrang contradicting kasi I desperately want to find my next thing ASAP. I want to level up. I want to be better. But simultaneously I’m genuinely burn out and cannot function very well. It’s this weird push and pull of wanting to “fix this problem” while being too tired to do so. I’m so demotivated and felt “trapped”. Do you think it’ll help me if I continue working at a workplace with a workaholic culture? Medyo toxic nadin kasi ang environment dun pero tiniis ko naman. I get home everyday feeling so exhausted, too drained to do anything except lie on bed and binge watch K-dramas na napanood ko naman na, laging iniisip work every damn second I’m not there, feeling physically sick every morning, arguing with myself to get out of bed and genuinely hating the person I’ve become. Naiinggit na nga ako sa mga co-worker kong mga napilitang mag quarantine kasi they didn’t have to come to work for a month.

Most of the time I’m in a constant fog state. I can hear fine, but I have trouble listening. I know what to say, but I can’t say it. I am burn out, and every day has been more and more of a struggle to want to open those office doors in the morning. My job has made me so stressed out, so distracted, so unmotivated, that I know I won’t be able to figure anything out as long as I stay. Parang madalas ko nang isipin na I was born to stay in the same place forever and I don’t want that. Iniisip ko pa lang na ganito na lang ako e, nanlulumo na agad ako. Am I not allowed to quit? I know I need money but working is making me worse. Masama ba na mag hangad nang pahinga at maniwalang another direction would grant me more peace and self-love?

Hindi naman madali. The entire idea of quitting is more depressing. Imagine how awful it is to think about your own future and just be this miserable and broke person. It’s not okay to be stuck and suddenly feel like you’re the most worthless person ever. I have so many what if’s and doubts. But submitting my resignation letter was like saving myself. It was not a “bad idea” but a solution. I’m being drowned. I needed salvation. I just needed time to breathe.

I guess I share this common fear with millions of other working millennials out there. I’m also afraid of what could happen if months go by and I’m still stuck. But I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.

Because...I'm slowly losing my grip on sanity, so I choose to save myself.

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sixeyesgojo · 3 years

Text

kiss it better

Summary: You had a shitty day at the store. Gojo is here to comfort you <3

Characters: Gojo x Reader

Word count: 1100

A/N: The past few weeks have been super rough - personal matters and on top of that, natural disasters + "I could lose my closest friends thanks to this" type of rough - so I wrote this pretty self-indulgently because I seriously need to be comforted lol. But that doesn't mean you can't imagine yourself in it!! The fanart is fem reader but I don't think I indicated any gender in the fic. Shoutout to the folks who work with customers, you guys are doing an amazing job! Thank you.

This entire fic was inspired by the art by the amazing @yuusagi-chii that I commissioned; check out her blog and leave a reblog on her artworks!! ♥ - posted with permission from the artist

There had been nothing to do. The whole time, Satoru was just lazing on the couch, legs stretched out on the entire thing, and waiting for you to come home as the television showed nothing but garbage.

As soon as they perceived the sound of your dangling keys in front of the door, Satoru’s ears perked up. He had been so bored all day, not knowing what to do on his free day; he was used to being busy all day, every day, around the clock. The lethargy got to the extent where he cleaned every nook and cranny in your shared home, did all the laundry for the week, reorganized the cupboard where his treasures were stored and even took a nap. Originally, he had planned to kidnap you to go on a date with him but unfortunately, your workplace said otherwise, wrecking his not-so-planned-out plan. Admittedly, it did piss him off a little but there was nothing to be done. Satoru just missed you incredibly much since he was usually gone for most days.

Your heavy footsteps that came from the entrance hall, the way your keys seemed to make louder noise than usual and the soft sigh he could hear all indicated that you had a shitty day so far. It really wasn’t rocket science for Satoru to notice little things about you. Probably entitled customers again, he thought. Satoru was well aware that working in a customer-oriented branch had to be unrewarding, draining even. Still, he wanted to tantalize you a bit, to lighten the mood and ease his boredom a little – he would do that on normal days.

However, ‘normal’ was quickly discarded when he saw your face: a hefty scowl and… were those teary eyes? His previous demeanor immediately dropped and a serious one took over. This was definitely not okay.

Satoru had noticed the last few weeks had been a little rough on you. On normal days, teasing you was his favorite thing to do and quite frankly, it was enjoyable to you as well as it lifted your mood after a stressful shift… but today must have been the tipping point and he knew better than to tease you in times like these. The last thing he wanted to be was the cause of your tears.

“Had a rough day?” Satoru asked as he met you in the hallway, wasting no time to slip his arms around your body. Crushing into his chest, you simply nodded without looking at him. You feared that if you did, tears would fall and you would no longer be in control of your emotions. The entire time you spent at work had been filled with some particularly grumpy customers you had to tend to. You had to deal with utterly disrespectful behavior towards you. Yet, you had to stay friendly and polite when, throughout the day, there had been several instances that made you want to quit your job right then and there.

Today had been terrible, so being in the amenity of your home felt uncommonly relieving. In addition to that, being in the comforting space of Satoru’s gentle hug washed off your exhaustion. It was fine to bask in the solace of his embrace for a moment, wasn’t it? Was it okay for you to give in a little and enjoy the moment for all its worth?

“Do you want to talk about it?” “Just the usual trouble but way worse for some reason,” you mumbled into his chest, just loud enough for him to hear. “Tell me about it, baby. It’s better if you get it off of your chest as soon as possible.”

You breathed out, the emotional dam you’ve built today finally breaking, “It’s just… people suck… They s-snap at me for the smallest things… and I know some of those incidents are just part of the job – I really get it a-and I try so hard to stay polite but… it’s just… very hard.”

Throughout your ramblings – how a customer had yelled at you for a minor mistake, how another one treated you like something lesser because of something that was not your mistake, how people would insist on being right and more – he listened intently to each and every word… All the while, Satoru had gently stroked your back with his palm to calm you down. “Say, Toru…there must be something wrong with me for them… to treat me like this, isn’t there?” you finally asked. “No, honey. You are perfectly fine,” he said, suppressing how pissed he actually was at the people who dared treating you badly. “Their attitude just sucks and they don’t deserve being served by someone beautiful like you. Maybe I should give them a piece of my mind some day…” “I just— I don’t even know. People are so mean… and for w-what? Is kindness in this world really that hard to find?” you lamented, choking back a sob as you buried your face deeper into him.

“Can I help you feel better in any way? Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” Satoru asked sweetly but the frown on his face made his worry very evident. He didn’t like it at all whenever you came back emotionally drained like this. All Satoru wanted to do was to go and ‘teach them a well-deserved lesson’ but he knew well that it would be against your wishes, so he had no choice but to sit back and be there for you when you needed him the most.

“Let me pamper and spoil my angel for today, hm?” he whispered affectionately, pressing kisses to the top of your head. Finally, you raised your head to look at him. The teary stains on your cheeks and sad expression broke his heart and he swore you could hear it cracking in his ribcage. “I just want you to hold me right now, wanna feel you close to me and nothing more,” you admitted and slung your arms around him tightly.

Promptly taking the chance, Satoru placed a sweet and loving kiss on your forehead. The sensation of his lips on your skin eased a big part of your discomfort away, making you sigh in comfort for the first time in what felt like decades. The effect this man had on you was inexplicable; the way he had the power to make you feel better by simply being there was truly magical. It made your heart flutter in a thousand ways and more.

“Then I’ll have no choice but to kiss it better.”

Taglist (open): @satosuguslut @assbuttbaek @melonnbar @delammi @silversatoru @princesatoru

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojou x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #gojou satoru

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justwonder113 · 3 years

Note

I saw that you're gonna start writing haikyuu fanfic and !!! I have a request if you don't mind. Daichi with a girlfriend (or partner if you prefer writing gn) who is usually very tough (not necessarily stoic or mean) they're pretty physically strong and generally have spent their lives looking out for themselves and everyone else(v self sacrificial... probably to an unhealthy degree) and daichi and them have a fight and they just sorta break down about how they always have to look after themselves and everyone else and how no one's ever been the one to protect them and they just want a moment where they don't feel like they have to fight all the time, perhaps ends in fluff? Idk if you like the idea I would love to read your take on it but if not that's totally cool!:)

Hi there, thank you so much for an amazing request like this it was an amazing challenge for me and I really hope you like it, I'm really sorry I haven't been able to update it earlier, it's just it turned out harder than I imagined, but I'm really glad I finished it, I really enjoyed writing it maybe it's because I know the feeling but i don't know, I hope this is what you had in mind and I hope you will like it too.

Daichi x ( f)Reader (but nothing's really implied so basically I think it's gn, have to proof read it again.)

WARNINGS:Angst to fluff, mental breakdown and anxiety attack, also a reader who isn't somfortable showing their emotional side and is more of a lone wolfs who can take care of everything by themselves.

Word cound; around 3k

You didn't even know when you started shielding yourself from everyone and everything or when was the first time you thought that you had to be the one in control of everything all strong and all, but it was part of you now definitely. You didn't think of it as something bad and you certainly didn't expect that your timidness could lead you to having an argument with your boyfriend.

For as long as you knew you were the one taking care of everything, you dealt with your own stuff and sometimes even helped others with theirs. It was always like that and at this point you just got used to it.

You liked the fact that you were this reliable, strong and independent person in the other's eyes. It made you feel better about yourself. Just knowing that people felt like they could trust you and come up to you was kind of ego boosting. It was also good knowing that there were people who looked up to you and admired you.

You were fine with keeping up this image if you knew that you made others feel at least somewhat better with your words of advice.

You knew how important it was sometimes to just let everything out but you were not like so many of your acquaintances, you couldn't just go to someone and vent out everything you had in you no matter howuch you trusted them or how approachable they were. Firstly, if you were to open up to someone you would need to have really deep trust to the said person, and secondly you just couldn't vent out because you knew how it felt like to be on the receiving end.

You loved your friends and you would move mountains for them, you really appreciated that they felt safe with you and trusted you, but sometimes being on the receiving end all the time and taking all this negativity away from them was really emotionally draining. Like some people would come up to you whining about all the drama in their lives and how miserable they were, they would let out everything and then would just leave without even asking how you were doing. You just couldn't do the same to the others no matter how much you were going through, you wouldn't burden them with your problems and all your drama. Even if it meant storing everything inside for all eternity.

Well it wasn't like you didn't want to let your emotions out and vent out everything to everyone, to let someone else help you bear this burden at least once, especially at times when you felt most vulnerable, then dealing with all this seemed impossible, whenever you were so stressed that it was affecting your lifestyle, you couldn't eat drink or sleep normally. Or whenever everything seemed to pile to the point that you felt this horrible tightness in your chest area, when your stomach was swirling nonstop and you felt claustrophobic, when your breathing was shaggy and your mind was foggy yet wouldn't stop working and kept coming up with all those unnecessary thoughts. Those were the times when you truly felt that no matter how strong and capable you were you didn't want to be alone. You didn't want to be this strong person for just this moment, you didn't want to be the one in control you wanted to be the one taking cared of and being pampered. You wanted to just let go knowing that someone was there to listen to you, to hold you when you finally fell apart.

You thought that maybe you were shielding everyone from this side of you, you didn't want to burden them, you didn't want to come as overbearing and maybe you were shielding yourself from them too, because what if others found you annoying, too weak, fragile and unable to take care of everything. Maybe they would find out that, in the end, you were nothing special, you were too pain and just not worth it, so it was a perfect defence mechanism.

You weren't doing anything wrong right? So then why was it the reason you got in the fight with your boyfriend? Why was something that was meant to protect you this much pain? And why couldn't you say anything even after this? Why were you still terrified of speaking up? You were talking about Daichi whom you trusted with your whole life. A man who was willing to be with you trhough thick and thin. You didn't know anyone else who was more reliable and kind or sweet like him. You felt thankful everyday that you had him by yourside, he made almost everyday better for you.

Maybe that's why you were so afraid to speak up? That he was so perfect? Maybe after seeing this side of yours he would realize how much more he deserved. He would realize how flawed you actually were and that you were not worth all this trouble and that terrified you. You were most definitely not ready to end things with him, not that you were thinking that you would ever be. Daichi was the one thing you wanted constantly in your life, you were hundred percent sure of it. He was really precious and dear to you even though he didn't really believe you now.

You felt that you were slowly losing control over yourself and gripped yourself tighter, to make you feel more safe. It felt like the walls were closing down on you and you felt claustrophobic even though you were on the balcony and the chilly wind was hitting you in the face. Your whole body was trembling but not from the cold weather or your chilly out of place attire. You felt numb like there was nothing inside you, only this heavy thing on your chest and all this thoughts that were only making things worse.

What was the time even? You lost track of it trying to regain yourself, it had to be really late, as you watched horizon you noticed that sun would soon start to rise, you stayed up all night huh? Daichi would wake up soon too to go to work too, how could you avoid him then? You didn't know what to tell him, what to do. You coudln't even go to bed, to lay next to him, you felt guilty because you knew that as much as you had your reasons to act this way he had them too and he also was in pain because of you, because he thought that you didn't trust him and didn't love him enough. You felt terribly guilty because you couldn't even manage to say anythin after he opened up to you, after he showed you his vulnerable side. Daichi wasn't the one to openly talk about his emotions so you knew what it cost him too. You hated yourself so much for it.

You couldn't really stop the tears at this point, any second now you would fall apart and you didn't even know if you would be able to pick yourself up before he woke up.

"Y/N?" You heard a deep grumble making you jump. You looked back to see your boyfriend looking at you with wide eyes. In seconds he was next to you wiping your tears away, scanning your face carefully. "You're freezing! What are you doing here? Didn't you go to sleep? What about your clothes? Where is your robe? You will catch a cold!" He kept mumbling to himself while rubbing your cheeks gently, he looked completely awake now. How did he care about you so much after you hurt him this bad, how did he not leave? Why was he so worried about you? Were you really worth it? Why did he really love you? So many whys were piling up in your head.

You felt this tightness against your heart and you doubled over holding your chest tightly. The sobs kept breaking our from your mouth and your whole body was shaking uncontrollably. Daichi immediately took you in his arms and took you inside sitting you both on the bed and wrapping a blanket around you to at least somehow warm your freezing body. His large hands immediately found their place around you as he helped you sit on his lap, rubbing soothing circles there and there to help you calm down whilest murmuring against your neck to just keep breathing.

"I'm here love, you're safe, you can let it all out." He mumbled and placed a kiss on your shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere... You're safe, I'm here with you." You continued sobbing you couldn't really stop now, it was as if the dam was finally broken, you couldn't really hold anything in even if your life was on the line Daichi was the only one grounding you. Thankfully Daichi didn't even think of letting go, he held you in his arms and let you let everything out. It felt like you've been crying for hours, eventually fatigue must have taken over because the next thing you saw was total darkness.

When you opened up your eyes the first thing you noticed was the brightness, it must have been at least noon now. The next thing was two arms still being tight around your frame. Your head was still on Daichi's shoulder. He must have moved you both because both of you were under a blanket now, still in yesterday's attire. You felt a bit sore, but that must have been from sitting for hours on the balcony. Your head hurt like crazy, it felt like you had one of the worst hangovers, you could swear you could hear slight ringing.

"Are you awake love?" Daichi asked quietly to check if you were really awake, he shifted slightly groaning quietly, it made you jolt up which was a bad decision because your head hurt even more now.

"Were you like this all night? God I'm sorry it must have been so uncomfortable!" You felt guilty seeing that he spent all night sitting against bed frame having you in his lap. It must have been really uncomfortable.

"It's fine, I didn't really want to let you go. How could I, I think it was the first time I have ever seen you cry. It scared the hell out of me when I saw that you were not in the bed and then it scared me even more when I saw that you were on the verge of breaking down on the balcony at 4am. How are you feeling now?" He took your hand in his and looked at you expectantly. You froze, it was what you were afraid of, you made him worry so much and he saw how pathetic you could get, on top of it you made him spend whole night like that just because he felt responsible of you. "Okay I can hear gears in your head shifting and based on your look right now I'm pretty sure you're thinking unnecessary stuff. Just don't hold back talk to me, please?" He looked at you with pleading eyes, squeezing your hand tighter.

"I made you worry, and you spent the whole night holding me in that uncomfortable position all because I couldn't hold it in and was weak." You mumbled in shame.

"Who said that I thought you were weak?" Daichi asked and he honestly looked dumbfounded.

You took a deep breath and looked away. "I'm saying it, I hate it when I can't control my emotions and act like a whiny crybaby. I hate whenever it happens, and everything seems out of my control, and I especially hate it there's another one to witness it. I don't want people to see how weak I am." You finally said it and looked down in shame wrapping your hands tighter around your frame. You looked up when Daichi pinched both of your cheeks and inspected your face again. "Ow Dai what are you doing?" You whined.

"Had to make sure you were human and not a robot." He smiled at you and kissed your hand. " I will tell you a secret, I have never thought that you were at least somewhat close to being weak, in fact you're probably one of the strongest people I have ever met. I admire you, I really do. You're so strong, confident, this powerful person whom everyone loves and admires including me." He placed another kiss on your temple, "you don't know how proud I am to be called your boyfriend! And I don't see this habit of yours as something bad, I was out of line yesterday and I really hurt you saying that you don't trust me or love me, it was never my intention to make you worry this much and seeing you in that shape because of me really broke my heart. I know you trust me and I know you love me, you never fail to make me realize it. You're always there for me whenever I need it, through thick and thin, you always know what goes in my mind and always help me with whatever you can, I can't really count how many times you have helped me. You make every day brighter for me and I can't help but feel thankful that I have you. You don't have to worry about it okay? It's just that I got insecure and it really got to me that's why I was on edge yesterday and provoked an argument." He rubbed his neck sheepishly when he noticed that you were dumbfounded, he took a deep breath to continue. " It's just that seeing you being all reliable and approachable made me question if I was doing at least remotely good job being there for you too, you're always doing everything on your own like you don't need anyone else to do what's needed and I was worried that you would realize that you didn't really need me. I guess it was my own way of saying that I needed some sort of confirmation." He rubbed his neck looking away from you, "I know you're capable of taking care of yourself and that you don't like showing your vulnerable side, that's completely understandable but you're a human too. You shouldn't just hold everything in, you have to let it out at some point and I want to be there for you when that happens. I like that you're always there for others, for me but I don't want you to forget about yourself, I want you to think about yourself more. You're amazing, the most amazing human being and I thank the stars everyday that I met you. But when I see you struggling hut still trying to shrug it off to play it off because you don't want to burden anyone or just because you're not used to asking for help really breaks my heart. I can't bear to imagine that something like yesterday can happen again. I've known you for years and no matter how much you try to hold it in I notice when you're struggling. I know you have been stressed a lot these days, you don't eat nor sleep like you used too and there's also some other signs. I wanted to give you time, you would approach me when you felt like it but when you never did I started questioning whether or not was I a reliable partner for you. Now I realize I was just feeling pretty and how much my words actually hurt you." He leaned his forehead on yours, "I'm sorry love." Listening to all this you could feel your your eyes start to water up but somehow you didn't really feel the urge to bring yourself together asap, you felt oddly comfortable.

"Have I ever told you that even tears look best on you? God how am I so lucky?" Daichi teased you and started littering your face with kisses making a smile break from you. You smiled fondly as you started to play with his hair, Daichi only hummed in appreciation. "Man, how am I so lucky?"

"Shut up, you're being sappy." You tested, Daichi grinned.

"I'm not the one in love with a sappy person," his eyes tingled with mischief.

"Well, I can't deny that, it's very much true." You purred and gave him a kiss, "I'm helplessly in love with a sap, who is the most amazing boyfriend, he's the most loyal, kind, dependable and amazing person, who makes me happy every day. I trust you the most and I know that I can count on you any time of any day. I didn't approach you because I didn't want to affect the mood, your life has been going on great and I didn't want ro ruin your good mood. I also knew that part of my problems were caused by me so I wasn't really in the mood to talk about it and I knew I had to be one to take care of everything, well I thought I could. Mostly I didn't want you to think I'm weak, I'm not that confident and powerful and I have many flaws I was kind of afraid you would see it and realize that you deserve better" you sniffed and rubbed You nose, you felt vulnerable, it felt as if you were naked and were showing yourself to Daichi, every word was stained and forced and it made you really uncomfortable but you wanted him to know everything, he deserved it. Daichi gripped your hand tighter to encourage you. "It's just I've been dealing with everything on my own since I remember, it was always me, at first it was really lonely but when people started noticing my independence and resourcefulness I kinda grew into it, it was like a confidence booster, but after that when I really needed help, when I was unable to come up with solutions I found it impossible to ask for help. I'm supposed to be strong I'm supposed to be smart so why am I asking for help to others? Can't I deal with this? I just can't find the power to go up to others even when I know that it's most reasonable thing. I know I can rely on you and you don't realize how much of a breather it's for me, and you help me in so many ways and I think you don't even realize that. I'm trying to say that I will try better and I will make sure to get over this problem but I will need time, but please remember that I really love you and I trust you with my life and I will do my best to make sure you know it okay?" You were amazed, it felt like something lifted of your chest and Daichis smiling face only made the feeling stronger. Tears were still streaming down your face but you didn't really care, this was who you were and you wanted to show it to him.

"You're not perfect love and you will never be" your heart skipped a beat at Daichi's serious tone, you felt terrified because it felt like the moment you dreaded the most, you knew he loved you but you also knew he was one of the reasonable guys, "the word is already flawed because nothing in this world is perfect, not you, not me and not everyone and not everything. Everything has it's flaws I have them as much as you do. You don't need to be perfect and you don't need to work yourself to fix your flaws. You are who you are and that's why I love you, I love everything about you including this so called weak side of yours. I love that you strive to be the best but I don't like that you're bringing yourself down to achieve it. You're amazing, you're capable, you're kind and you're smart and god you're so beautiful both on the inside and outside. I think I'm lucky I'm even breathing the same air as you, " he smiled cheekily at you making you giggle. "I want to say that you don't need to fix anything this is who you are and I love and support you, but if you want to improve I'm here and I will help you every step of the way. I will be always there for you, you don't even have to tell me anything just somehow point to me that you need me and I will do my best, we can talk about it for hours or we can just sit in silence for the whole night but you will know that I'm with you, just please don't be afraid to approach me, I will never judge you and I will never turn my back on you. In fact" Daichi got up and went to one of the drawers only to take out small box and return to you. You looked up at him with wide eyes. " I didn't plan on giving you this het because I wanted to plan this romantic evening but I think it's a good idea to give it to you now. Y/n you're the love of my life, and as cheesy as it sounds you're my sun, my moon and my stars, you make me feel more alive than I ever was and you just make everything better. I can't promise you a wedding or something in the near future but I want to give you this to let you know how serious I am about you and this relationship. I want to give you this as a sign that I will be there for you and I will love you till the rest of my days. I love every part of you and I want to help to teach you how to love them too." He put the box on your palm after he finished speaking, you were speechless, and torn between wanting to jump on him and drown him with kisses and proclamations of your love and curiosity of the box. You opened the box to find that beautiful ring you were eyeing few weeks ago when you went out with Daichi.

"I think I fell for you harder." You mumbled still in shock, you stared ar your new ring with lovesick eyes, which by the way sat perfectly on your fingers.

"well look who's being a sap now," Daichi grinned and kissed the hand you put your ring on. "But either way it's good because since I didn't go to work today I demand my cuddles now and I expect to be given them now, few kisses would be nice too." You giggles and got closer to him.

"Aww is my babyboy feeling needy?"You teased but still started kissing his face, Daichi smiled and nodded his head, holding you by the waist tightly. You smiled and got closer to him, everything felt just perfect. He really was your safe heaven.

#haikyuu fuff #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu #hq #sawamura daichi #daichi imagine #daichi x y/n #daichi x reader #requests #haikyuu!#daichi #angst to fluff #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu x you

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futurewriter2000 · 3 years

Text

I can't have you, nobody can

- Part 2

A/N: Be patient. Be patient. Everything leads to a greater plan. You just wait.

You don't exactly know what had happened that day... that last day when you were with James and Sirius. You thought that evening over and over again, trying to find what word you could have said or what action you could have done for them to ignore you.

Of course, you had thought that the final exams were taking all the time and space for every each one of you but you had never been more ashamed, embarrassed that graduation day when they left in the boat without you, easily replacing your seat with Lily Evans.

You thought you didn't mind it. Having your own housemates, who adored being around you just as anybody else, distracted your mind from it.

You thought you were okay. You knew you weren't because they left and they never looked back. At first, you wrote Sirius some letters, telling him about your days outside but nothing came back so you gave up.

It teared you up on the inside out. You remember bawling your eyes out the first day, the second day... a week later when you were furious. God, how could somebody do something so emotionally destructive to someone.

You had felt it. He had to feel it as well. The question that always kept you wondering was, what the hell happened that night?

' You had walked into the Ministry of Magic, carrying a ton of documents in your hands as your father had asked you to deliver them to the office. Your friend was there with you, since you had no clue how to find this office without her help.

"Oh, shat." she cursed under her breath as she moved closer to you. "He's working today."

And it didn't take you a second more to know who he was. You felt something awful travel down to your core, expanding over your whole body as it reached it; anxiety.

You smiled and walked forward. "Is... it's fine. We'll just go through security and-" you stopped as you saw him do the security check ups.

"You want us to go to another?"

"No, no. We're already here. I don't care." you smiled at her but she saw right through you. "It's not like we're on bad terms or anything." you voice kept shaking but you continued to clear it up.

The two of you approached him and waited behind the line. You waited for him to look up at you... he didn't. He even turned you his back as the two of you approached him. Your friend had started a small conversation and you thought that maybe by your voice, he would notice to look up.

He didn't.

Gathering all your courage, you cleared your throat and smiled. "So now you'll pretend you don't even know me?"

He looked up, slightly caught, slightly pretending to be shocked. "Oh, hey." he smiled forcefully. "Didn't see you there. Been stuck in my own world. How are you?"

"I'm good. Getting out there." you smiled and so did he... but if his smile had a name, it would definitely carry it as "ignorant".

"Well, I don't really have to check you, so have a nice day." he smiled yet his eyes didn't.

The two of you only walked forward. You walked forward; slowly as your thoughts were already fast enough.

"You're completely lost." you friend said.

You looked at her and gave her a half-smile. "Me? No, no, no. I'm not lost or- or confused. I just... I- I'm fine." you shook your head.

"He was mean, (y/n)." she said bluntly. "He pretended that he didn't see you, then that he didn't hear you and he pretended as if he was shocked to see you. Excuse me but I would definitely recognise you sooner... he's ignorant." '

The truth hurt harder than you thought it would. You kept it at bay for a while... a lot of while before you finally accepted it and bawled your eyes out once again.

Your head was pulsing, not only from the shadows of your head but the back of it, the front,... your whole body was pulsing with pain and ache.

Some nights you were apologising for God knows what, some nights you were furiously blaming yourself, cursing his name, then you tried to understand where he is coming from but even that didn't help to give you any closure or movement. Days you felt stuck, days you felt alone, days you felt you had finally moved on... days at work when people continued to ask you about him and James.

You? - You were mentally exhausted because of him.

All the memories made you happy and all the things he had done after those wonderful memories, had made you sob into the night. Nobody really understood what had happened to you but thinking about a certain situation over and over, dreaming about it, being reminded by it just by waking up... it wasn't easy on your brain or your heart.

You were simply... drained.

You were pale and always in your dark room. You had no motivation, no more joy and you had completely lost yourself.

And you tried... you really tried to get back on your feet but your knees couldn't handle the weight and all you wanted was to go back to your room and sleep. It sounded pathetic, which belonged to another reason of why you were constantly angry. That anger? You didn't know where to put it. Mostly, because you didn't understand why is he so stuck on you and why you cannot move on.

"I don't wanna be like this anymore." you cried into your pillow as another night fell over you.

#sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #marauders imagine #marauders era

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anonymousfiction211 · 3 years

Note

Hi, could you do a story where reader is having a panic attack and scared of letting Loki see them like this? Male reader please? The cause of the panic attack is someone judging them for their weigh. Loki comforting them. Please?

A/N: It's in an alternate universe were Loki and Tom Hiddleston are in a relationship together, and since Loki is an Avenger they live in the tower. Since Tom himself is being shamed sometimes - which still breaks my heart - I tried to work that into the story. Hope you like this :)

Warnings: hurt/comfort, bit angsty.

Panick attack ‘God he looks like a bean stick, doesn’t he?’ Tony said

‘Haha yes, some people aren’t built for muscles’ Sam chimed in.

That were the only two sentences Tom had heard of the conversation, but it was enough to make him spiral out of control. He had no idea how long they were talking about him, and had no intention to stay and discover how long they would go on. He wanted nothing more than to go into his bed, and cry. One problem, the chance of encountering his very fit boyfriend – with literally the body of a god - was too high. He had to find a hiding place, and fast.

Walking through the hallway he tried to hold back his tears. That unsettling, but very familiar feeling, started to creep in. His stomach felt in knots and he became nauseated. His breathing increased, but he tried to get it under control. His whole body felt tense and his temperature was rising. With no other option, he opted for the toilet of the library. Quickly entering the toilet, he slammed the door behind him and made sure it was locked. Closing the toilet-lit he sat down on the lit. He put his elbows on his thighs and his hands on either side of his head. Now he was locked in an internal war with himself, one that he lost over and over again.

The first battle he lost was with his tears. They were streaming down his face. He tried to close his eyes, bite his lip and tilt back his head, but the tears kept coming. The toilet felt like a hundred degrees and sweat was starting to form on his forehead, his hands already damp and lightly shaking. That was the second battle he lost. He tried to keep the bad thoughts away, because everybody is different. Not everyone wants to have big muscles to show of, he didn’t want to spend all his time at the gym, watching what he ate. He only liked to run, was that so wrong? But the constant ridicule from the people around him was too much. Thoughts that he was too thin, too lean, didn’t look sexy, at least not sexy enough for his boyfriend were swarming through his head. And that was the moment he lost the war.

His breathing sped up and he was inhaling loudly. It was even becoming painful for his lungs, but Tom felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. Everything around him was spinning. He felt like dying. A knock on the door startled him. God, no not now! He couldn’t let anybody see him, he was too ashamed. He tried to silence his breaths, but it was no use.

‘Who is in there? Is everything all right?’ a familiar voice on the other side of the door said.

No, no no... not Loki. Why? Tom thought. Loki was the last person on this planet that could see him like this. He wanted to tell him to leave, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even breathe! It felt like he was suffocating.

‘I’m unlocking the door’ Loki said. Tom wanted to protest, but still couldn’t say a thing.

The lock of the door slowly turned. The handle was pushed down and the door opened, revealing a concerned Loki. When Loki saw his panting boyfriend, covered in sweat, crouched inwards on the toilet lit he was shocked. He ran towards him, flicking his wrists to close the door behind him. He got on his knees, in between Tom’s legs and grabbed his hands.

‘Love, what’s wrong? What happened?’ Loki asked full of concern.

Tom just closed his eyes and kept gasping for air. He didn’t want to gasp for air anymore, it hurt too much to do so.

‘Tom, open your eyes. Look at me’ Loki said.

Tom just shook his head. ‘I’m sorry’ ‘I’m sorry’ ‘I’m sorry’ he repeated in a mantra over and over again between the gasps.

‘Tom, open your eyes’ Loki said more sternly.

Tom opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend through the tears. He kept apologizing, for nothing and everything at the same time.

‘Just breathe, love. In… and out. In… and out’ Loki encouraged while demonstrating his own breathing.

Loki kept looking into Tom’s eyes, rubbing the back of his hands, and breathing with him. It took a while, but Tom stopped apologizing and his breathing was slowing. Now, he felt dread, because he had to tell Loki what happened. He was so scared that Loki would realise he was too good for him, he would for sure leave him. If not now then somewhere in the future. Tom felt cold, and started to shiver. The tears had stopped streaming and his breathing was painful, but even.

‘Are you cold? Do you want to come back to our room?’ Loki said softly.

Tom didn’t say anything but nodded slightly. ‘I-, I don’t..’ he said with a hoarse voice, but Loki shushed him.

‘I’ll teleport us’ Loki said. He helped Tom up for the lit and hold him tightly against him through the spell. Back in their room he still held on to Tom, figuring the spell would make him feel slightly dizzy. After the long hug he sat Tom down on the bed and conjured up a blanket to put around him, hoping he would soon stop shivering.

‘Are you all right?’ Loki asked.

Tom nodded.

‘What happened, love?’

When Tom tried to speak a chocked sob came out. He buried his face in his hands, trying to get away from Loki. Loki put an arm around his shoulder and let him cry in his chest for a moment. He stroked Tom’s hair to calm him down and whispered that everything will be all right. After Tom calmed down again he let him retract just enough to let him explain what happened.

‘It’s nothing’ Tom said a bit sheepishly.

‘That was not nothing’ Loki shot back. ‘Tell me, please’ he added softly.

‘I- ehm.. overheard a conversation between Tony and Sam’ Tom said sadly.

When he didn’t say anything more, Loki decided to push it a little. ‘What were they saying?’ assuming it would be something hurtful about himself. To his surprise, it wasn’t.

‘They were making fun of me.. for not having enough muscles’ Loki heard Tom say in the smallest voice he had ever heard of Tom, making his heart break. He felt Tom tense up and try to hide himself again.

Loki grabbed either side of Tom’s face. ‘Love, to me you are absolutely perfect. There is not a thing I would change. Don’t listen to these two idiots. What do they know? They have to use robotics to even stand a chance during missions’ Loki said.

‘It’s just.. you’re .. you, you know. Godly. And I’m me.. just me’ Tom hesitatingly answered.

‘You’re you, and you’re mine. You’re perfect in my eyes, and I wish you would see yourself like I see you’ Loki said.

‘I’m just afraid that one day you will wake up, see what they mean. Not find me attractive and leave me’ Tom almost whispered.

‘You are by far the most attractive person I ever met. Not only on the outside, but also within. You’re sweet, kind, forgiving and always see the positive side of everything. Too be honest, I wish sometimes to be more like you. And I am the one who is actually afraid that one day you will truly realize the gravity of my past and sometimes current actions, and that you will leave me’ Loki said, for the God of Lies he knew that Tom knew that he was being honest.

Loki smiled a little when Tom snuggled closer against him. ‘You know that I truly love you’ Tom responded. Loki was caressing the back of his boyfriend and the two of them enjoyed a moment of silence.

‘But what if, I want to change?’ Tom said, breaking the silence.

‘What do you mean?’ Loki hesitatingly asked.

‘Maybe, I can work out more?’ Tom said.

‘You don’t have to do that for anyone’ Loki sternly answered. ‘It’s important that you’re comfortable in your own skin, trust me. You will hate every minute of your life if you’re not’ he added sadly.

‘I- I don’t know’ Tom answered.

‘No worries. Take all the time you need. Just promise me that next time you ever feel like this, and have a panic attack. You call me. Day and night, promise?’

‘I promise’ Tom said. Loki grabbed his face again and kissed him deeply. He was relieved to see Tom smile, even if it was a small smile. He could tell from his face that Tom was emotionally drained. So, the rest of the night Loki pampered Tom with tea, chocolates, his favourite movie, and a very comfortable blanket. Tom had fallen asleep halfway through the movie, but not Loki. Loki was thinking about the people that hurt his boyfriend. He wouldn’t kill them, that is what he used to do. But he promised himself that he would hurt them.

Permanent taglist: @delightfulheartdream @the-best-phineas @pescadoavocado @theestorm @theaudacitytowrite

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honeyxmonkey · 3 years

Text

Whumptober Day 5: I've Got In My Red Ledger

Douxie gently cupped Nari’s frozen cheek, feeling the stinging burn of the ice practically eating away to his bone… but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He stared at Nari’s face which was permanently fixed in an agonized scream.

Douxie found that despite the horror that was right in front of him, he almost couldn’t believe it.

“No… Nari…” he choked out before a broken sob clawed its way out of his throat and he flung his arms around her tiny frozen form and let out a wail of grief and horror. He couldn’t protect her.

His friends found him clinging to her frozen form as it was crumbling and cracking right in his grip. They could see the frost crawling up his fingers and arms, spreading across his whole body, slowly freezing him right along with the little goddess. Even with Skrael dead, his magical ice was deadly and consuming.

Jim and Toby had to yank Douxie away from Nari before the ice could eat him whole. He fought them, screaming and thrashing in their grips the entire time, ice cold to the touch.

Aarrrgghh eventually had to grab him tight, holding the distraught wizard to his chest to keep him still. Douxie’s struggling began to cease and soon he was just sobbing against the troll’s stone chest.

He not only lost his sister, but also his familiar.

He didn’t stop crying but it dwindled down into shallow and quiet sobs and Aarrrgghh didn’t let him go.

The others stood around awkwardly while Douxie had a full on mental breakdown, not knowing what to say or do.

_______________________________

After too many minutes to count, Douxie had spent his tears, sinking to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself as he stared off into space. Aarrrgghh had a permanent hand on the wizard’s head to give him something in his grief. Just a reassurance to try and let him know that he wasn’t alone.

_______________________________

“Great gronka morka!” Blinky gasped, eyes wide with horror as he stared down at the newly revealed page. “The titans don’t need to unite with eachother, they need to unite with a Heartstone! That actually makes horrible sense!”

All eyes turned to Douxie, waiting for some sort of outburst again but he just looked up at Blinky, eyes red rimmed from tears, still crying silently. “So she died for nothing?” He asked, voice broken and quiet.

And that was it. No magical reaction to his emotions. He was too mentally and emotionally drained to spare an ounce of a magical outburst and that in of itself was terrifying for his friends because it was like this was his breaking point. He didn’t even seem to have the same urgency as they did about the situation. He was just… there, eyes distant and cloudy. He didn’t care anymore because everyone he loved and cared for more than anything in the entire world was gone. And what kind of world would it be without them?

He lost his best friend and his little sister all in the same day and he couldn’t handle it. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that the world is ending because Archie and Nari are gone.

This was it for him. He’d lost everything.

The crushing weight of the reality that he couldn’t protect any of them is breaking him. The team realized that if they were going to finish this, Douxie wouldn’t be able to help.

"Aarrrgghh, you take him back to Barbara. We can't fight until we know he's safe." Jim instructed softly, glancing at his distraught friend with sorrow. "When this ends we can help him. But only once it ends."

_______________________________

They needed him for the ninth configuration.

"How do we know he'll come?" Toby asked desperately as Claire opened a shadow portal.

"We have to trust that he will." Claire said before jumping through.

She entered the castle to see that Barbara had been semi-successful in calming Douxie down. He wasn't crying anymore but he looked so… empty. Claire wasn't sure which she preferred.

The shadowmancer cleared her throat, catching their attention. "Douxie," she said softly. "We need you."

Claire half-expected him to say no, but to her surprise Douxie silently got up from his chair and nodded grimly, a sort of set determination coming to his eyes. He may not have been the most cheery but atleast he was going to help. She wasn't sure if they could do it without him.

Little did she know what Douxie planned to do.

_______________________________

Douxie spit blood onto the steaming rock, seeing Bellroc flinging his friends off the titan out of the corner of his eye. Jim was the only one left standing, holding Excalibur out at the demigod with rage, standing over Douxie protectively. Jim knew he was hurt… knew he couldn't fight anymore.

"The last remaining pieces of Merlin's legacy die together." Bellroc cackled. "How fitting."

Jim snarled at them. "Try it you little bastard."

Bellroc tilted their head to the side with an amused smile before flicking their wrist, sending the injured wizard flying towards the edge of the titan.

Jim shouted his name, running forward to catch him but he was just too late. Douxie fell a long way towards the ground, no one to catch him.

_______________________________

Despite his injuries, he managed to catch himself on an anti-gravity spell, crashing onto the hood of a car with enough force to dent it. Douxie felt his back flare with pain but he ignored it as he hauled himself up, seeing a flash of blue ignite from inside the titan.

The amulet.

Douxie staggered towards the rest of his friends, all of them watching the battle from the ground. A tugging feeling in his gut told him that Jim needed help and he wasn't about to let another one of his friends die. Not when he could instead.

Taking a deep breath, Douxie limped forward, scrolling through the runes on his vambrace. Coughing up a little more blood, he started to draw the sigil in the air, murmuring the words under his breath.

He held a hand out towards the magic nullifier, drawing on its energy, letting it flow into him. With another hand outstretched towards the titan, he twisted his hands, the glowing runes in front of him moving in sync like a giant clock.

He heard Blinky gasp behind him, and he should have guessed the old troll would have known what he was doing.

"Ultima Frecanta!" Douxie shouted before Blinky could even attempt to stop him.

An explosion welled within him, magic beyond his control pushing and clawing and tearing its way out. Douxie forced it to flood down his arms and towards his hands where it pooled out and shot towards the titan, engulfing the entire thing with a ragingly hot dome of magic that crashed and tore its way through the creature and through Bellroc, fighting and distracting the demigod to hopefully give Jim a chance at victory.

Douxie couldn't help the agonized scream that burst from his throat as the magic he was using tore him apart from the inside out. He felt every inch of him being consumed by it and it was excruciating. Magic too strong for him to handle pulsed and webbed its way through his veins, his heart, his lungs. His very bones began to crack and shatter like glass as the magic crashed over him like a wave.

Finally, when his body had nothing left to give, Douxie fell to the ground, twitching with convulsions from the power he'd just exuded. He couldn't breathe, his lungs feeling like pure fire. What was left of his magic pulsed beneath his veins, trying to repair his broken body but there was no coming back from this.

That was good… that was okay. He'd be with them soon. He'd see them again. That's what he wanted.

"Douxie!" Claire shouted with despair, running towards her teacher, dropping to her knees beside him. She shakily brought him into her arms, not caring about how scorchingly hot to the touch he was.

She could hear Jim making his way down from the titan, not knowing what had just happened. What was happening.

"You absolute idiot!" She seethed, sobs wracking her body. "What did you do that for?"

Douxie was gasping and choking for breath but he smiled all the same, looking like he was happy with the outcome. Oh for the love of God he was, wasn't he?

"Its okay Claire." He gasped, irises and pupils still glowing blue, even the blood vessels on the whites of his eyes were glowing blue. Every vein in his body was glowing blue, every part of him was taking on an aftermath shock of the magic overuse. His hair had turned white much like hers but every strand was devoid of the color it'd once had. He lay limp in her arms, blood… god even his blood was blue, bright and glowing like everything else that was left of him… dribbled from his mouth. "I can see them again."

"No, don't say that please." Claire begged, sobbing. "We can fix this. We can fix you Douxie. You'll be okay! You'll-"

"No." Douxie rasped. "Please let me go… I want to go…" He glanced over at Jim who was watching with absolute horror and guilt. He saw Jim's gaze turn to the chronosphere, which was laying forgotten on the cracked asphalt. "Don't you dare." He croaked out. "I need to see them again… don't bring me back… please."

Jim wanted to ignore him. He wanted to grab the damn thing and reverse time, stop all this from happening but he didn't. He just nodded at his friend grimly, joining Claire at his side instead. "Why?" He asked, voice cracking with tears.

"There's nothing left for me to do…" Douxie explained, glow beginning to fade and they all knew it was because he was dying. "You need to carry on, Jim. Lead them… keep protecting the earth. Promise?"

"I promise." Jim said with tears beginning to stream down his face. It was a promise he couldn't keep.

"Good…" Douxie said and slowly took in another breath, and when he exhaled it… he didn't breathe again.

_______________________________

Jim glanced over at Douxie as he sipped his coffee. He knew the wizard probably thought he was being weird, having been watching him for a few weeks now but Jim hardly cared. Watching his friend die had been too much and he knew the world wouldn't be able to get on without him.

Yes, he'd done the one thing Douxie had asked him not to but Jim didn't care. His friend was alive again and that was all that mattered.

The Trollhunter jumped when Douxie stopped in front of his table and angrily slammed something down in front of him. He stalked off without another word and Jim looked down at the paper to see two words that had been scrawled down angrily.

Alley. Now.

Jim sighed and stood up, precariously following where Douxie had gone. He wasn't surprised to find the wizard waiting for him with crossed arms and a rage in his eyes that would make any sane man run in terror. Jim, however, wasn't sane.

"How dare you?" Douxie hissed, hands forming into fists at his sides. "The one thing I specifically asked you not to do!"

"Douxie I-"

"You meddled with time again." Douxie growled. "You not only reset the timeline but you also erased the victory we all clawed out of hell to achieve!"

"You died!" Jim tried to defend himself but Douxie roughly shoved him against one of the brick walls, eyes flashing blue dangerously.

"I WANTED TO!" Douxie yelled, an arm pressed to Jim's throat. "Don't you get it!? I wanted to die! I lost everything! I just wanted to see them again! I wanted to finally rest!"

"And you expected us all to just move on!?" Jim demanded, shoving Douxie away.

"Yes!" Douxie looked like he could punch him. "That's exactly what I expected!"

"Well it's not what you're getting." Jim growled, standing his ground. "You can't ask me to stand by and let you get yourself killed. Because I don't know about you, but you're pretty fucking important to the rest of us." He stuck a finger in the wizard's face. "I dare you to do it again, Douxie. You can sacrifice yourself in battle all you want, Hisirdoux Casperan. Because I'll reset the timeline as many times as I need to to make sure all of my friends make it through alive."

Douxie sharply grabbed his wrist, shoving his hand away from his face. "You're messing with powers you don't understand, Jim."

"Maybe so," Jim agreed. "But I'd rather die a hundred deaths than watch you do this to yourself. The Trollhunter answers every call and you may not realize it, but you're calling pretty loudly."

Douxie glared at him, taking a step back. "This could turn into something even worse than the Arcane Order. Are you prepared to be responsible for that?"

Jim grit his teeth. "Absolutely I am. I'm not going to watch you die again."

"You can't save everyone."

"I can try."

#whumptober #whumptober day 5 #hisirdoux casperan #toa wizards #wizards tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia #rise of the titans toa #toa rise of the titans #rise of the titans #tales of arcadia rise of the titans #jim lake jr #the boys are fighting #:')#someone help them

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themadauthorshatter · 3 years

Text

It's been a while since I did one of these, and I'll be expanding over more of the series.

Here's Part 4 of headcanons I have for Never!Tedros!!

Even when she becomes the coven's new leader, Tedros still hates her guts and it definitely has to do with her treatment of Agatha and letting Dot get kicked out.

In retaliation, he asks Agatha to take her in, which she does, and explains what happened to Dovey, who allows Dot to stay, much to the annoyance of the Evil teachers and a lot of the Nevers, even Sophie.

They have they're confrontation at lunch and Sophie shouts at him that Agatha tricked him, too, lest he forget. He already knows this, but walks away anyway to be with Agatha.

They have some angsty-fluff moments with Tedros asking if she's afraid of him, which she claims she isn't because, no offense to him, he's all bark and no bite with her. He admits to knowing she'd tried using him, but also admits he's glad she gave up on that because it wouldn't have been a good thing if he'd figured it out and she lied to him.

During the bridge encounter, Sophie claims Agatha is the Evil one, and that Agatha is the witch, not her, even going as far as to say she and Tedros are the good ones and deserve an Even After together.

"At least I know I'm evil, you stupid girl."

I should mention Tedros takes a turn for the dark when he is confronted by Ravan, Vex, and other Never boys and dragged into a bathroom, so they can beat the crap out of him for all the stuff he's pulled.

Having been in Good for about a month, he's immediately overwhelmed by all the evils surrounding the students, even a few of Sophie's, which reveal her attacks and intentions for the schools.

Ravan goes to get a hit in with a weapon of some kind, but Tedros grabs it and stands up, angrier than ever before.

Anadil is unfortunate enough to see Tedros leave the boy's room with some blood on his face, but uninjured. He glares at her and walks away without talking.

She finds all the boys unconscious with scratches and slashes on their faces and bodies. The weapon Ravan had is now broken, having been used against them to the extreme.

Come the circus of talents, when Agatha comes in pretty as a picture, Tedros warns her not the stop him, and thanks her for being nice to him.

She sees why when she and a witchy Sophie go toe to toe.

Too bad Tedros attacks Sophie before they can start actually do anything.

I should mention that, as a sort of update on his talent, Tedros can USE these evils to his advantage and can force them into visibility, which is exactly what he does.

He shows all the students what they are on the inside, revealing the monsters he's scene since day 1 of arriving at school.

After a HUGE fight breaks out between Tedros, who is consumed and corrupted by the evils he's seen, letting them take over, and Sophie, who just gave up on being good like before.

Sophie attempts to kill Agatha, but she's caught by Tedros, who's grown shadow-esque wings and looks like some sort of demon dragon.

As he holds her, the two flying maybe eight feet off the ground, he admits he may have gone overboard and apologizes to her for almost dying.

He then reveals he knows about Sophie's plan to not only give the Nevers a ball, but also destroy all of Good and steal the Storian.

"What are you going to do?"

Tedros smiles. "Being a prince. I don't like Beatrix or a lot of other people in Good, but I like you all enough to know I don't want Sophie to end your stories."

"What do you mean? What're you-"

He sort of lands on the ground and lets Agatha stand, resting his forehead against hers. "Agatha, thank you for being in Good."

"You say that like I had a choice."

"No one ever said you had to be my friend, but you did, anyway."

He kisses her on the cheek and takes her to her dorm, which he locked from the outside, in the door, before taking off towards Evil, telling her to not stop him.

She gets to Evil by turning into a cheetah and, like before, tries to crash the No Ball to save everyone.

EVERYONE only believes her ehen Tedros arrives and attacks everyone, using the evils to his advantage.

When Sophie and Agatha are magiced away to Gavaldon, he only stands, emotionally empty as they vanish.

He's locked himself into his room and is sitting with his knees up and with his head resting against his knees.

Hates Aric.

Sleeps and stays in the Doom Room to avoid him, and the other boys because they won't shut up.

Does step up to be the leader of the boys, but does not order any kind of attack on the girls.

When the boys start getting rowdy, courtesy of one of the Everboys, said Everboy gets in Tedros's face when he confronts him. Aric backs up the Ever, and Tedros says nothing as he rams his fist into the Ever's stomach and swings an insanely hard punch into his jaw, which knocks him out instantly. The whole room is quiet as he basically demotes Aric as captain and gives the position to Chaddick; Aric is now responsible for disciplining anyone that steps out of line, which is nice enough, but he'd rather have the power to choose who gets the whip. With a low, "I want this entire castle spotless. You have the rest of the night and the weekend to do it," Tedros leaves, Chaddick following when Tedros asks him to very warmly, despite the scene that just unfolded.

When boys start refusing, Tedros hands them over to Aric, telling him that he can use any method he wants just as long as the boys are still alive.

No one refuses an order after an Ever and a Never leave boisterously shouting they're not afraid of a sewer rat like Aric and return quiet, pale, and injured from getting tortured.

Surprisingly, Tedros is the most collected with Tristan, almost returning to his Book 1 self, except more chatty. Tedros notes how Tristan smells a little different and that the redhead's been distant. Tristan denies it, spawning an evil for lying that Tedros sees.

He tells Tristan to keep his distance, and that he was one of the Everboys that was really nice to him; it's a small thing, but it means the world to him.

When Agatha and Sophie arrive, Tedros has locked himslef in his room. The boys are whipped into shape and don't really step out of line, all except Aric, but he tells the two strongest boys to keep Aric on a leesh if they have to.

Cue a lovely Tagatha reunion where the real Tedros comes back for a little bit.

She tells him about what the School for Girls are saying about him, even talking about how he rules over the boys with an iron fist, but Tedros states that if the boys wanted a different leader, they should've picked someone else to step up.

He tells her he won't hurt her, if they have to fight, but he will tear Sophie apart, so she'd better keep Sophie safe, if she cares so much about her.

Agatha leaves, apologizing for the fact that she might still love him. Tedros apologizes to her for the same reason.

Turns out the boys don't need to pick a new leader because the male teachers do it for them, and lock Tedros in the Doom Room.

He doesn't mind the other boys ignoring him. He doesn't mind the fact that he's not allowed to eat even when he tells the truth. He doesn't mind Aric being a dick or Tristan disappearing into thin air.

He minds greatly when he meets Filip, who has Sophie's evils and makes the mistake of trying to befriend him.

Just to put a target on his back, Tedros allows Filip to win. He wants alone time too, because he's been thinking about Agatha a lot.

Turns out not ALL the boys hate him, because Chaddick tries sneaking him food.

Tedros refuses and asks to be left alone.

A few days later, Filip finds Tedros lying on the ground, passed out and weak from not being fed. He wakes him up and tries to get him to have some lamb, but Tedros kicks Filip away

"Stop whatever game you're playing! I know it's you, Sophie!"

Filip blanches as he stands, flustered. "I... W-Who's Sophie? I'm Filip. Remember?"

Tedros glares up at him and scoffs. "You think I can't tell when you're lying? That I don't know when someone's trying to trick me!? Unless you're here to torture me or rub it in my face that I messed up and you have everything, go away and don't ever talk to me again, you witch!"

Filip(Sophie) is gutted by this, stunned as Tedros adds in a, "Speak of the Devil," as Aric strides in, armed with a whip.

Aric makes Filip leave and gets a few lashes on Tedros as he shouts that the prince is weak, a fool, and useless to eveyone, adding emphasis on weak if he can't even rely on his princess to save him.

When Aric's done with him and leaves, Tedros forces himself to his feet and unpockets a key he snagged off "Filip" when he kicked him.

He gets out and looks for Sophie, who's partnered with Hort for the trial by tale.

He finds Yara instead, heavily injured and dying as he rushes over to her side.

"I tried," she sobs. "I-I tried to get here sooner... and warn you, but he... he came out and-"

Tedros takes her hand, too upset to be angry. "Why, Tristan? Why be with the girls? I would've helped you!"

Tristan, Yara, holds his hand tightly and smiles. "You should've seen it. It was so pretty. And the girls were wearing blue for once."

Even though he has tears in his eyes and running down his cheeks, Tedros can only smile and shake his head. "You're a bloody fool."

"So... So're you."

Tristan apologizes for hiding the Storian away from Tedros, and thanks him for being possibly the only boy in the school for boys that was really nice to him, even though he defected to the girl's shool, in the end. With one last smile, Tristan dies, Tedros setting him down and backing away before shouting and releasing a sort of shadow-y energy, sonic boom that flattens a bunch of trees. He screams, he cries, and he basically mourns the fact that he lost someone he genuinely cared about and saw as a friend, maybe even a brother.

Even though he's weaker than before, tired, emotionally drained, and barely able to stand, Tedros still finds Filip, who's revealed to be Sophie, and, too tired for words, smirks as she tries to explain herself to a very hurt Hort, who she picked as her partner.

"Look who's putting her lessons to good use."

She turns on Tedros and shouts she always tried to help him, even when it would result in a punishment, and where he got worse she got better.

Tedros snickers and asks why she manipulated Agatha and lied to the boys, even Hort, who's her friend. On skaky legs and with unfocused eyes, Tedros murmurs, "You can take the witch out of Evil, but there's no taking the evil out of a witch. No wonder Agatha hates us both."

Just as he falls, Agatha races out of the trees and catches him, apologizing that she hadn't been the one to take the potion and help him and admitting she never hated him. She actually never stopped loving him and believes that he isn't so evil he can't be loved by her.

Tedros asks how she knows, considering the events prior, and Agatha shakes her head; if he was truly as evil as he thinks, she would be dead, her and Sophie both, and both schools would've been destroyed. He can think all he wants that he hates both schools and everyone inside them, and that he's an evil force of destruction that will never sit a throne, but Agatha knows the truth:

He loved going to both schools. He loved being around people, more specifically people who showed him the most minimal shred of kindness, regardless of whether or not it was genuine or out of obligation. He loved being the only one up at night and enjoying the silence of both schools, loved pulling pranks that were harmless, save for causing gray hairs. He loved being friends with Chaddick and Tristan, who took him in and showed him how great it was to even have friends. He loved the lessons in good and the trips between both schools.

Most of all, she knows he loves her, even though she tried tricking him into falling in love with Sophie so they could leave.

Tedros can't help but cry and not seeing any evils grow from Agatha, knowing everything she said was true and that he's an idiot for needing it spelled out for him.

They kiss, ending the conflict between boys and girls, and getting their Happily Ever After. Hort does a good friend move and looks away to give them some kind of privacy, but Sophie is frozen, realizing that regardless of whether she's good or evil, she's not getting Tedros. His heart belongs to Agatha, who feels the same way.

When Evelyn Sader appears with the Storian, bringing back Rafal and dying in the process, Tedros still tries to fight him.

He gets his ass handed to him, and gets that gash in the original story.

When they're sent to Gavaldon and found by Callis, who tends to Tedros, Agatha guves her the run-down, including the fact that Tedros is indeed a Never and the Prince of Camelot.

Callis sighs at this and admits he's good at being still for her, considering how he was so fitful while unconscious. Agatha then admits he sleep walks.

With that in mind, they check and find him awake and staring at Callis, holding a hand out to her as Agatha shakily introductions them.

They trade introductions, Callis at least because Tedros is back to being quiet, and Callis returns to patching him up.

Tedros is quiet as she finishes up, though only breaks his silence with this:

"You're so lucky to have such an amazing daughter."

Sorry this took sonlong to work on. I'm trying to sort of clear the clutter in my Drafts so I can work on more new stuff. This was really fanfic-y, too and I deeply apologize for that😅

Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed this!

#school for good and evil #sge tedros #tedros of camelot #never! tedros #tagatha #sophie of woods beyond #agatha of woods beyond #sge sophie #sge agatha #sge aric

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sweetyyhippyy · 3 years

Text

Part of You. Spencer Reid x OC! Character. Chapter 20.

Chapter 20: Questions.

(Not my gif)

Summary: Aftermath of the car accident from the previous chapter. Bridgett worries about the baby. And questions arise.

TW: Mentions of a car accident. Blood. Death and dead body. Mentions of throwing up. Hospital. Arguing.

Word count: 2.6k

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Everything slowly begins to settle back into focus as Bridgett’s eyes flutter open. At first she didn’t know where she was or what had happened, she just knew her body was sore. Bridgett shifts in her seat, rolling her head slowly to look around the car. Instantly her head begins pounding, the whole car still feeling like it was spinning but she knew they had stopped. She grunts as she unbuckles her seatbelt, feeling the belt slide across her sore body. She feels something wet under her nose as she pushes the hair out of her face, she brings her hand under her nostrils feeling the thick substance with her fingers and looking to see blood covering her three middle fingers.

“Are you alright?” Luke’s voice comes from the side of her. She sees the window was broken, Luke standing outside.

“My head.” She mutters.

“Okay, let’s get you out.” Luke opens the door, taking Bridgett’s hands and guiding her out of the car.

She grips onto his arms, feeling unsteady on her feet as she stands for the first time. “My head is pounding and I feel dizzy.”

“You probably have a concussion. It looks like you hit your head on the window, you have a nasty cut on the side of your head.”

“Luke?” JJ calls out from the car.

“Stay here.” He says, running over to assist JJ.

Bridgett turns to find the car, wanting to hold herself up against it, and when she turns, she sees Stephen’s body in the seat next to hers, his eyes were closed, and his face was covered in blood. Bridgett watched for any signs of breathing from his chest, but after staring at him for almost a minute, she saw nothing.

“Oh my god.” She whispers, covering her mouth with her hand as she begins to cry.

He has a wife. Two kids. How are we going to tell Monica?

From across the car she sees Penelope and Matt rushing over to JJ and Luke, checking in on JJ who was saying she couldn’t see.

“Stephen?” Penelope's voice calls out.

Bridgett looks up at her friend, tears still in her eyes as she makes her way over to them.

“Stephen?” She repeats, looking at him through the window.

Bridgett takes Penelope’s hand, holding it in hers as they look at their team member. “He’s gone.” Bridgett sobs.

Both of the women remain quiet as they stay put, not wanting to leave him by himself.

“Oh my god, I didn’t even ask, are you okay?” Penelope asks.

Bridgett turns her head a little too quickly, her vision going blurry. She grips onto Penelope’s hand, feeling a wave of nausea and disorientation come over her.

“What’s wrong?” Penelope asks.

“I feel like I’m going to be sick.” Bridgett says, closing her eyes and breathing in deep.

“Okay, the medics just got here. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

Bridgett squats down, breathing in deeply, trying to keep herself from throwing up.

“Bridge, the baby. Is the baby okay? Do you feel okay?” Penelope asks.

The baby…

Bridgett hadn’t even thought about the baby.

Bridgett looks up and Penelope, worry written on her face. “I don’t know.”

“Okay don’t panic, let me get a medic over here.” Penelope says, running off.

“Where’s Emily? Has anyone seen her?” Rossi calls out, limping around the road.

Bridgett looks around at everyone who had vacated the cars, maybe they had simply overlooked her, but everyone else was accounted for. She tries to stand back up, but she falls into the car, still feeling dizzy.

“Woah, sit back down for a minute. We need to check you out.” The medic says, helping Bridgett back onto the ground.

“Do you know where Emily is? She was in the other car.” Bridgett asks the woman.

“The police are trying to find her. I need you to focus on me and what I’m doing, okay?”

***

A nurse wheels the gurney Bridgett is laying in through the ER, right behind Rossi.

“Can you do me a favor?” Bridgett asks the nurse behind her. “The man over there in the tie, he’s my boyfriend, can you keep him out of the room? I’m pregnant and he doesn’t know, and I don’t want him to know yet.”

“Yes ma’am.” The nurse replies.

Spencer spots Bridgett right away, rushing over to her. “Are you okay?” He asks, holding her hand.

“I’m fine.”

He begins to follow them into the room, but the nurse stops him at the door.

“I’m sorry, but we have to run some tests on her, we can’t have you in the room just yet.”

“But she’s- I’m her boyfriend. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“I understand, but we need to run tests on her. We will let you see her when we’re done.”

“Spence, I’m fine. Go check on the rest of the team.” Bridgett says, running her thumb over his knuckles.

“I’ll come back to check on you.” He says, leaning down to kiss the uninjured part of her head. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Bridgett replies as he walks out of the room.

“What we’re going to do is get an ultrasound done and check on the baby, okay? Make sure there’s no damage to the uterus or placenta. We’re more than likely going to keep you until tomorrow evening to make sure baby and you are okay.”

Bridgett nods her head, getting comfortable on the bed.

***

Hours had passed by, all Bridgett wanted to do was go to bed, but with her concussion, she couldn’t. Thankfully all the tests and ultrasound had come back with a good outcome, the baby was okay and everything was normal. She got blips of information from Penelope about what was going with finding Emily, and that Spencer was having a rough time mentally.

“Just checking in on you, sweetheart.” Her nurse walks in, checking the machines behind her.

“I’m just tired.” Bridgett responds.

“I know, we’ll get you up and walking around here in a bit. Your friends have been asking about you, are they okay to come see you?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I just wanted to make sure the baby was okay before anyone came in.”

“Can I ask a personal question, why are you keeping it a secret?”

“Well, I’m an FBI agent, I can’t work in the field if I’m pregnant and I’m not 100% ready to give that up yet, but after tonight I think I am.”

“And you’re keeping it from your boyfriend? He’s a cutie by the way.”

Bridgett laughs, “Thank you. And I just want to find the right time to tell him that’s all. He was… away, for a while, and he came back tonight so I haven’t told him.”

“Well, I don’t know you two, but i can tell you two love each other very much.”

“We do. We’ve been in love for over 10 years.”

“Young love. Reminds me and my late husband.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay, honey. It’s been about 6 years now. He was overseas serving our country, and he passed away a hero. We were together since we were 18, we had 26 wonderful years, 6 beautiful kids. He used to look at me just like your boyfriend looks at you. If he’s anything like my Michael was, he’s going to be thrilled when you tell him you’re pregnant.”

“I think so too. He doesn’t have to wait much longer.”

There’s a knock at the open door, JJ standing in the doorway.

“Hey, are you allowed visitors?”

“Yeah, come in.” Bridgett says.

“I’ll come back in 30 to check on you.” The nurse says, walking out of the room.

JJ walks in, sitting at the end of Bridgett’s bed. “How are you?”

“My head is throbbing, my body hurts, and I feel like I’m going to be picking glass out of my hair for the next 6 months. How are you?”

“I’m okay. Just going crazy not knowing what’s going on. I’m worried about Emily. Monica’s here. She uh…” JJ clears her throat. “She said her goodbyes to Stephen.”

Bridgett groans softly, shaking her head. “How bad did she take it?”

“Like you’d expect. Monica’s strong but having to say goodbye to your husband so unexpectedly… I can’t imagine.”

“God me either.”

“Guess you and Spence didn’t have the homecoming you wanted.”

“No, but I’m just glad he’s home. Thank you for being there for him when I couldn’t be. And being there for me too.”

JJ smiles and holds Bridgett’s hand. “Of course. You guys are my family and that’s what family does.”JJ’s phone rings from her hand, she puts it on speaker. “Hey Luke.”

“Hey. How are you guys holding up?”

“Okay. Any word on Emily?” Bridgett asks.

“Yeah, we got her. She’s okay, a little banged up but we’re on our way to the hospital to get her all patched up.”

Both women breathe out a sigh of relief at the update.

“What about Scratch?” Bridgett asks.

“He’s dead. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.” Luke responds.

For the second time that night, relief envelops Bridgett’s body and mind. It was truly one last thing that she had to worry about ever again.

***

A few days had passed since the night from hell happened. Spencer didn’t want to go back to his apartment, so he had been staying with Bridgett at her place. He had been taking care of her since she was still sore and tending to the cuts on the side of her head. Neither of them had talked much about the events leading up to Spencer’s arrest, but it wasn’t the time. They had just gotten back from Stephen’s funeral, which was emotionally draining to say the least.

Bridgett dresses herself after drying her body off, stepping out of a much needed shower, she grabs a pair of athletic shorts and throws a plain blue big shirt over her body, letting her hair air dry. She walks out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, seeing Spencer fast asleep on the bed. She quietly picks up the clothes off the floor she had thrown about when they got home, throwing them in the hamper in the corner of the room.

“Are you going to come lay down with me?” Spencer mutters, his eyes still closed.

Bridgett smiles, walking back and climbing into bed, snuggling up behind Spencer, wrapping her arm around his waist.

He gladly let her hold him for a change, enjoying the feeling of her touch.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bridgett peeps from behind him.

Spencer turns around, opening his eyes to look straight at hers. Bridgett smiles at him sweetly, touching his cheek lightly with her fingers.

“Before you ask your question, I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you too, baby boy.” She responds, kissing the tip of his nose. “So, my question, and I promise I’m not mad about it, I’m just curious, why did you lie about Mexico?”

The question takes him off guard, even if he wanted to lie, he couldn’t. Especially looking into the eyes he was so in love with.

“I shouldn’t have, I know.”

“By why did you?”

Spencer sighs, making a flat expression. “I… I just wanted to help my mom. The medicine I was giving her isn't cleared here but all the research I did I wanted to give it a try.” He clears his throat, trying to prevent himself from falling apart.

“You could have told me what you were doing Spence. I’m your girlfriend and that’s what I’m here for. For you to confide in.”

“For you to talk me out of it?”

“I wouldn’t ha-.”

“You’re telling me you would have been okay with me going to Mexico every few weeks to get illegal medicine for my mom? Putting my life at risk, my job, all of that?” Spencer begins to raise his voice at her.

“Don’t start yelling at me.” Bridgett spits, sitting up in bed and scooting away from him.

Spencer takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. This just isn’t the conversation I wanted to have right now.”

“Well when do you want to schedule a time to have this conversation, Spencer? I wasn’t mad, but now, I am.”

“Mad at what? The fact that I lied to you and you didn’t realize?”

Bridgett shoots him a dirty look, getting off her bed quickly. Not bothering to respond to him.

“And now you’re walking away?”

“Yes I’m walking away!” Bridgett yells, whipping her head around. “I’m sorry that I fucking care about you and was scared shitless when I got that call from that drunk, that you were in jail. I’m sorry that I was fucking concerned for your fucking well-being. And I’m fucking sorry that I want to know why you felt the need to fucking lie to me and the rest of the team.” She yelled. “This was the worst 3 months of my life. Worrying about if I was ever going to see you again outside of prison. I was terrified when I found out you stabbed yourself, I thought you were losing your goddamn mind! And it wasn’t like I could go see you, because you refused to see me!”

“Because Luke said you were always a mess after coming to see me. Why would I continue to put you through that?” Spencer yells back.

“Because even though I was a mess after seeing you, what pulled me through was the thought of seeing your face again. You kept me sane! Pulled me out of the slump I was in. You know how heartbroken I was when I got sent away and told I wasn’t authorized to see you? Only to find out you were the one who took me off this list. What if we didn’t get lucky, and you stayed in prison until you went to trial? The thought of not being able to see you all those months, killed me.” Her voice breaks at the end, losing her composure. Wiping her eyes with the collar of her shirt. “Fuck I’m so sick of crying.” She mutters loud enough for Spencer to hear.

Spencer gets off the bed, walking up to her and pulling her against him. He rubbed the back of her head as she cried into his chest. He felt like an ass for yelling at her and getting angry at her for asking a question. “I’m sorry. For everything. Lying, keeping you away, yelling at you. All of it. I’m sorry.” His own voice breaking.

Bridgett looks up at Spencer, grabbing his face. “Look at me, do not lie to me ever again. I don’t care if it’s illegal, if you think I’m going to talk you out of it. Do not do this to me again. Promise me.”

Spencer nods his head softly. “I promise.” Kissing her forehead, holding his lips against her. He snakes his arm underneath the back of her shirt, his cold limb making goosebumps scatter through Bridgett’s body.

“I love you.” Bridgett says against his chest, clinging onto the shoulder of his shirt. She picks her head up and stretches up to kiss him.

Spencer firmly kisses her back, making her press up against him.

They hadn’t had sex since Spencer had been back. Once Bridgett had gotten out of the hospital the other night, both of them slept like the dead, almost a whole 18 hours. Then Spencer was helping his mom move her belongings to a new care facility. All the emotional and physical obstacles they’ve both been dealing with. It was finally time to give him his proper homecoming.

#Spencer Reid #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid smut fic #spencer reid series #spencer reid x oc character #spencer reid fan fic #spencer reid x original female character #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew gray gubler fluff #matthew gray gubler fan fiction #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler fan fic #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #part of you fic

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

Hold On (Tom Holland)

a/n: hello, surprise? but yes, so, i was kind of in a funk for a bit and when that happens, i write angst. then i heard the song (i was listening to my sad playlist as u do aha) and here we are. i wrote this fairly quick so bear with it as it may seemed rushed (it is) so it may be bad heh. also, i suggest listening to the song while reading for full effect.

pairing: tom holland x female reader summary: You locked yourself in the bathroom when things got overwhelming. Tom felt worried when it went quiet inside for too long, heart stopping by what he saw when he broke through the door. based on song: Hold On - Chord Overstreet warnings: drug overdose (vaguely written & only on tom's pov), angst, brief panic attack, open(?) but happy ending. word count: 3.2k+

masterlist on bio & pinned post

-:-:-:-:-

**US/UK HELPLINES & FREE 24/7 SUICIDE HOTLINES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES**

~~~

"I can't do better in helping if you don't tell me what's wrong Y/N," Tom said softly, concerned eyes staring right into your troubled ones.

He had his arms open wide as he slowly inched towards your trembling form, making sure to not get too close, too fast. He doesn't want to overwhelm you by being all over your personal space, he doesn't want to stress you out even more by crowding you. Tom knew he needed to be gentle, patient, giving you enough space to breath but also showing that you can jump into his arms whenever you need to, whenever you're ready to.

"That's the thing Tom, I don't know what's wrong," you started with a shaky intake of breath. "I just feel this pit in my stomach and sometimes it gets so overwhelming in my head about everything, about what I'm even doing with my life, if I'm doing enough, if I am enough. I'm overthinking about everything and I just feel so lost and angry for not knowing what's wrong with me. And I—I am so tired," you admitted, tears slipping down your cheeks as you ran your palm over your face in frustration.

To see your agitated state, to hear the hurt and frustration in your voice, added with your heavy words, it just broke Tom's heart to pieces. You didn't need to elaborate what you meant by 'being tired' because he understood, both physically, emotionally, but especially mentally. And Tom's frown could only deepen as you continued.

"And you can't do better Tom, you don't need to. You've already done so much for me. You've put up with my shit for so long. I've already put you through so much," you trailed off at the end of your sentence, bottom lip quivering as you stared at him with utter guilt.

The look of distress on his features was hurting you so much. You just want to see him happy, that's what he truly deserves. But now it seems like you're not giving him that anymore. Not giving him enough happiness, just nights of him being worried about you, stressed because of you.

"I feel like lately, all I've done is be a burden to my family, to everyone in my life, but even more to you."

Tom shook his head frantically as he took a few steps forward. "No, don't say that love," he whispered.

Once he reached a safe distance, he gently took your hand in his, touch soft, comforting. You let him hold you, eyes trained on the way your fingers intertwined but never looking up. You couldn't bear to hold his gaze, especially with the obvious sadness that swam in them.

"Darling, look at me," Tom coaxed, giving your hands a tender squeeze. With a deep intake of breath, you willed yourself to meet his eyes again. Those brown orbs bring you so much happiness, and to see them filled with everything but, to know that you're the sole reason why they're not coated with that lovely glow, it only makes you feel guiltier.

"You know that's not true Y/N," he said firmly, but you only shook your head at him with a soft whimper, his voice unable to break through the loud screams that filled your mind.

"Angel, you are not a burden to me. I'll always be here for you no matter what, remember? Didn't I promise you that, love?" Tom tried again, both hands going to cup your face as he gently wiped your tears away with his thumb. "When I said I wanted to be here for you, with all the joy and the chaos, all the demons we're made of, I meant that with every beat of my heart Y/N."

"But you deserve so much better Tom," you croaked, nimble fingers wrapping around his wrists, leaning into his warm touch with bottom lip jutted out as fresh tears dampened your cheeks once more.

"No, I don't," Tom objected. "You're all I want, all I ever need, please believe that, believe me Y/N," he whispered, forehead pressed up against yours as his eyes held nothing but truth.

Still, it wasn't enough to help subside the roaring demons in your mind. Not because Tom didn't hold any importance or his words any power, no, he's everything to you. But tonight they just happen to be a lot stronger, the loud and guttural voices. They were blocking anything that's trying to get through to you, blocking the only thing that always seemed to easily get through to you which was Tom.

"I just—I need to think. I-I need to be alone," you muttered under your breath. Although reluctant, Tom nodded, figured that if that was what you wanted, then he will give it to you.

"Okay," he sighed, placing a tender kiss on your forehead, the warmth of his lips on your skin making you close your eyes with a shaky breath. It was a sweet, rather mundane kiss, but it was one that lasted a few seconds longer than normal before he lets you go. Tom's grip around you slowly loosened, your heart growing heavier as you feel his touch gradually disappear.

You quickly turned on your heel with your head down, arms wrapped around your body to stop you from crumbling to the floor. Tom hesitantly stood still in his place, a certain feeling in his gut growing as he watched you walk towards the bathroom. As you were about to shut the door, his voice stopped you.

"Y/N?" he called out.

You turned around with a hum, meeting those brown orbs you've grown to adore with every inch of you. So many emotions were swimming in them, but only one struck you the most, even more so when he opened those lips to let it out into the air, loud, clear and sincere.

"I love you."

You gave him a small smile, trying your best to suppress your sobs as more tears ran down your cheek. And softly, you said,

"I love you too Tom, so much."

There was something about the way your voice trembled that made Tom feel even more uneasy, but he decided to let it go, thought that it was just him stressing over nothing at all.

The bathroom door slamming shut was what he heard next, a frustrated hand running through his hair as he stared at the white painted wood for a whole minute. With a sharp exhale of breath, Tom looked at it for a few seconds more.

Once he heard the running water on the sink, he made his way out of your shared bedroom, body slumped with deep frown still intact. His demeanor was quick to catch the attention of his brother who was sitting on the living room couch, the only other person in the house as of the moment.

"Is she okay?"

Tom could only flash Harry a sad, forced smile, not speaking any words as he went straight to the kitchen to get you some water and a bit of food. You haven't eaten anything yet and it was worrying him even more.

It wasn't long until Tom was back in the bedroom, setting the glass of water and the plate of your favorite sandwich on the nightstand.

The silence that filled the room was uncanny, nervousness coating the lad slowly as he stood completely still. Tom's eyes landed on the closed door of the bathroom, a lump forming in his throat as he found the negative thoughts that grew in his mind harder to ignore.

He took long strides towards the door, pressing an ear on the surface as he tried to listen to something, hoping to hear anything. Tom felt his heart quicken its pace as the silence screamed in his ear, brain quick to jump into horrible, dreadful conclusions.

"Darling? Are you okay in there?" he called, fingers twitching as his eyes landed on the metal knob.

No response...

"Darling?" Tom tried again, voice even louder, fear growing stronger as he grabbed the doorknob, chills running down his spine once the cold surface touched his skin.

Silence...

"Y/N, if you're not going to answer I'm kicking this fucking door down," Tom growled frantically, grip on the doorknob tightening as he tried to shake it open.

Nothing...

With an anxious breath, Tom walked away until he reached a safe distance, lifting a leg up and with all his might, kicked the door just by the keyhole, the wood snapping in its place as it swung open.

Tom ran inside but immediately froze, blood drained out of his whole body at the sight of you, heart coming to a halt for a full second as he shook his head in utter fear.

"No, no, no," he rushed, scrambling towards your limp, unconscious form on the white tiled floor, the bottle of painkillers right beside you, so close to empty. Tom was breathing rapidly as he pulled you onto his lap, vision turning blurry as he cleared the hair away from your face.

"Y/N! Wake up love, p-please wake up," Tom stammered, fingers shaking as he brought it up to your neck to the side of your windpipe, urgently feeling for your heartbeat. Cold sweats coated his entire body once he felt a faint one. It was there, but barely.

"No, don't—p-please don't leave me!" he cried out, head pounding as he shifted in his place, adrenaline at an all-time high as he hoisted you up in his arms. "Harry! Harry please!" Tom screamed after his brother as he rushed outside the bathroom and into the hallway, the lad in question rushing towards his brother's voice with sheer worry on his freckled face.

"What—"

"Start the car! Her breathing is getting slower," Tom choked on his words. The twin didn't waste any time as he bolted towards the kitchen island to grab the keys and went straight to the front door, held it open until Tom was out with you, alarmingly unmoving in his hold.

Once the car door was slammed shut with you and Tom in the backseat, Harry veered right out of the driveway and drove fast like your life depended on it, because it did.

Tom kept you close to his heaving chest, mumbling sweet but desperate nothings against your hair, silently praying as he tried his best to contain his shock.

The slower your heart beats, the faster Tom's heart raced, your body cold to the touch, his head spinning at the dreadful feeling. Tom felt so helpless just staring at your expressionless features, his clammy palms resting on your cheek as he kept talking to you.

"Hold on, I still want you angel, please hold on," he whispered over and over, hoping that you were able to hear him, hoping that the sound of his voice will stop you from fading into the light.

He was glad that the drive to the hospital was only five minutes away, but with you lying still, turning colder by the second in his arms, time seemed to go slower, agonizingly slower. There was no doubt that it was the longest, most painful five minutes Tom has ever endured in his life.

***

The bright hospital lights were blinding the moment Tom rushed inside with you in his arms, his voice hoarse as he screamed for help until the nurses came to your aid. They took you away on the table, your whole body lying motionless as they checked for your pulse. He didn't want to let you go, didn't want to let you out of his sight in fear that it would be the last time he'll see you with a bit of life left. But despite his protests, he was met by double doors slamming closed on his face.

Both of Tom's hands tugged at his hair in pure agitation, bottom lip caught between his teeth to try and suppress his sobs. He was pacing anxiously as his eyes kept steady on the door of the room where you disappeared into, lungs struggling to provide oxygen, unable to keep up with his raging heart.

He felt a hand grabbed at his shoulder, unable to see the person as they immediately pulled him in for a tight hug. But he didn't need to, he knew who it was, he knew what his brother's embrace felt like. Tom's whole body shook in Harry's hold as loud and broken sobs came out of him, arms wrapping around his brother for mere support, knowing that his legs are about to give out any second.

"I d-don't want to lose her, I can't lose her H-Harry, I—" Tom felt his throat start to close up, his grip around his younger brother turning vice-like as he gasped for air.

"Hey, hey Tom, breathe," Harry rushed, grabbing Tom's shoulders, pulling him away and holding him in arm's length. "You're alright, just breathe."

Tom shut his eyes tight and tried to regain his breathing, calming himself as best as he could. A whimper came out of him as he shook his head slowly, opening his eyes to meet Harry's with nothing but utmost fear and pain swimming in them.

"I c-can't imagine a world without her, I can't—"

"Then don't. You're not losing her Tom. She's going to be fine. She's a very strong girl. You, out of all people, know that," Harry reassured, giving his shoulder a squeeze for good measure.

"Fuck, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have left her alone. I knew something wasn't right before she even—I should've tried harder," Tom sobbed as he ran his shaking fingers through his hair, bottom lip quivering as he casted his eyes on the floor in shame.

"Tom you did the best that you could. No one could've seen this coming. Y/N wouldn't want you blaming yourself. You know it hurts her when you blame yourself," Harry said softly, rubbing his back comforting as he shot him a knowing look.

Tom rubbed the nape of his neck as he nodded with deep, strangled breaths. He pressed his lips into a tight line as he didn't say another word because Harry was right. You always get even more upset when you see him blame himself for something out of his control.

"You just sit here and wait alright? I'm going to get you some water."

He only shot Harry a small but thankful smile, the younger lad giving him one last hug before he disappeared down the opposite side of the hallway.

Tom cleared his mind and thought of nothing but you being safe. You are going to be safe, alive and well, because he wouldn't know what to do with himself if you weren't.

***

It was an hour and half later until the doctor came out. Tom scrambled on his feet as she asked about who was there for you. His nails were digging into his palms, creating crescent shapes on the skin as he held his breath, dreadfully waiting for her to speak.

"We've managed to pump all the drugs out of her system. She's stable now but still unconscious," the doctor said. Tom lets out a big puff of breath, his whole body relaxing as he felt the weight of the universe lift off his shoulders. Tom grabbed onto Harry for support once he almost lost his balance, just feeling relieved to hear that you were fine, still breathing.

"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked when Tom can't seem to form any words, the older brother squeezing his shoulder as a way to silently say thank you.

The doctor nodded with a small smile. "We still need to keep a close eye on her until she makes a full recovery. There are still a few dangers that can occur given that she's consumed quite a handful."

Tom stood straighter as he cleared his throat, "Can I see her?"

"Right this way."

***

The sound of the soft beeps of the heart rate monitor oddly felt comforting to Tom as he entered the room. It was a mixture of relief but also hurt the moment his eyes landed on your sleeping form, hooked up to all these wires and tubes as you lay peacefully on the white bed.

He would've just stood still on his place, just staring with a deep from if Harry hadn't given him an encouraging tap on back. Tom flashed him a small smile before Harry closed the door, giving Tom some time alone with you for as long as he needed.

Slowly, he made his way over to your side, pulling up a chair beside the bed and letting out a shaky breath once he sat down. It was when he reached over to hold your hand did Tom start to bawl his eyes out, body shaking with full on sobs as he lifted your nimble fingers and pressed it on his damp, flushed cheek.

"You're okay. You're going to be okay love," he whimpered, not sure if he was saying those words to reassure you or himself. He turned his head to place a warm, tender kiss on your palm before he cupped your hand with both of his, his thumb sweetly stroking the back of it.

"It may sound selfish but you know I can't just let you go. I'm not that strong. Not as strong as you," Tom paused, giving your hand a squeeze, just waiting patiently for you to return it. "So, come on, darling, come back to me," Tom begged, a choked sob following after as his teardrops soaked the white sheets.

"I still need you. I will always need you," he continued, voice merely above a whisper as he tried his best to keep his breathing steady. "You're going to wake up and tell me to take you home, yeah?"

"We're going home," Tom breathed out with a small nod. "You're going to come back to me, and we're going home." Tom's voice broke at the end of his sentence, his head dropping low as he screwed his eyes shut, an overwhelming feeling rising in him that he couldn't stop the tears from falling continuously.

Tom just wants you to be back in his arms, wants you safe and warm in the comfort of your shared bed. He just wants to hear your hearty laugh echo in the kitchen as you make breakfast together. He wants to hear your scolding whenever he leaves dirty clothes on the floor, or the little arguments on whose turn it was to load the dishwasher.

Tom just wants to take you home.

Then once you do, once you come back home, he will take your hand and make things right, help make things better. And with all that he is, all that he has, with every beat of his heart, Tom will swear to love you all his life.

"Come home to me Y/N."

It was then Tom felt it, the light squeeze around his hand, his head shooting up as he looked at you expectantly. It was completely unmatched, the utter joy and relief that coated every inch of his bones. The sound was music to his ears, happiness filling him up to the brim once he heard your sweet, lovely voice.

"Tom?"

~~~

“Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.” – Unknown

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whump-me-baby-one-more-time · 3 years

Text

They deserve better than this. Both of them. But this is all Caretaker can give Whumpee. (Cut because of length, TWs for forced pill taking, psychotic behaviour, mild violence, pinning down, implied waterboarding/drowning)

Whumpee is back on their knees again. Their eyes are wide and unfocused and they're shivering with the kind of fear that makes them nauseous. A twisted kind of sickness churns in their empty stomach. Caretaker is crouched before them. In their hand is a little pill and they placed the glass of water on a nearby dresser when Whumpee started thrashing.

Their face is lined with exhaustion.

"Open your mouth, Whumpee," they say. They've given up on trying to soothe Whumpee when they get into this state. No assurances of safety or care ever seem to penetrate these panic induced fits. It's like talking to a frightened rabbit. It doesn't understand your language and the closer you try to get the more likely it is to die of a heartattack.

Caretaker never liked rabbits.

But they like Whumpee. Or they used to, anyway. They still care for them, and if anyone were to ask they'd vehemently deny any feelings of ill-will towards them.

But Caretaker is tired. And Whumpee... Whumpee isn't who they used to love. Not anymore. Occasionally the person they once were will peek through on good days, but it's a cheap reward for all the rest. All the breakdowns and the night terrors and the screaming and, somehow even worse, the silences that can last for days - after a while that old familiar smile just isn't enough to compensate Caretaker anymore.

They don't get paid to do this, either. Every time Whumpee throws up food or spits out their meds it comes out of Caretaker's own pocket.

"This is going to help you calm down," Caretaker says, offering the pill to Whumpee. "Come on, just take it. Open up."

And Whumpee flinches away, shoulders pressed into the walls of the corner they backed themselves into. Their jaw works as they press it together. Stubborn tears glisten in their eyes but they refuse to make a sound.

Caretaker grinds their teeth.

"We've been through this a dozen times, Whumpee. I don't want to hurt you, I'm trying to help you, so please, please don't make this so hard on us both. Be good, just for once."

Whumpee's breath stutters. They always try to be good, don't they? They always try. But Whumper is never satisfied, never satisfied, never, and the only thing Whumpee can expect is pain. Every time Whumper chirps at them to "be good" it's almost immediately followed by agony.

Whumpee curls up on themselves a little more.

"Okay," Caretaker says in a way that gives that word every meaning apart from "okay." They pick the pill from their palm and hunch their shoulders.

"Last chance, Whumpee. Just level with me, yeah?"

But they're not even sure the words filtered through to Whumpee.

"It's alright," they say as they approach the jittery creature. "You'll feel better in a moment. This'll help you come back down to reality."

They're in Whumpee's space now but they don't let themselves be deterred by Whumpee struggling when they touch them.

They hold the pill up to Whumpee's dry lips. Whumpee flinches violently but Caretaker expected it. Their hand is firm but not unkind as they grip Whumpee's jaw, shushing their hoarse whimpers of terror.

"It's alright, Whumpee. I won't hurt you. Just open your mouth."

Whumpee lashes out, once, hitting Caretaker in the chest, but it's weak and useless and they start shivering even worse from the anticipated punishment.

The tears are spilling freely now, but their lips are still pressed together tightly.

Caretaker closes their eyes for a moment.

They're so tired. Physically and mentally and emotionally, it all just seems to drain out of them a little more with each day. And Whumpee doesn't seem to be getting better. At first it was fine, but then they started having these fits and Caretaker doesn't know how to deal with that. The doctors say it'll pass with time. Maybe. Eventually.

Just give them the meds, that'll calm them down. Oh, and drive them to therapy, too. Can't get Whumpee into a car without alerting the whole neighbourhood to the shrieking and sobbing person you're apparently trying to kidnap? Don't worry, we have drugs for that, too! They'll make therapy impossible, but hey, maybe go for a picnic in the park instead, fresh air and good food can also aid in recovery. Whumpee keeps throwing up from the meds you gave them? We have a pill for that. Whumpee is barely capable of walking back to the car now? Who cares, as long as they're not screaming! You should be glad we've been able to help you out at all. Don't be so impatient. Just be happy you have them back, who cares that they can't feed themselves? Who cares that you haven't slept through a single night in two weeks? Who cares that you haven't had any time of your own lately? Who cares? Don't be so ungrateful. You love them, don't you?

Sometimes Caretaker wants to scream, but they don't. Sometimes they want to push a pillow down on Whumpee's face until they finally go to sleep for good and save themselves the pain of watching someone they used to know thrash and sob from a pain that Caretaker can't do anything to fix. But they don't. Because they do love them. And somehow that makes everything worse.

Because sometimes Caretaker will remember how it used to be. Sometimes Whumpee will wrap their arms around them in a hug or grin at them or look up from a puzzle with their head cocked the same way as it was before. Sometimes Caretaker watches Whumpee sleep, too worried to sleep themselves, and recognizes the face they used to love so much back when it was free of the strain of anxiety and pain.

They love Whumpee and that is so much worse than indifference because it hurts every time Whumpee lashes out at them or flinches away from them or looks at them like they're no better than Whumper at all.

And sometimes, some evenings, deflated on the couch with the Whiskey on the table and the bad thoughts in their head, they're not even sure if they're any better than Whumper themselves.

Maybe Whumpee is right.

But worst of all is how angry it makes them. Indifference would be a gift, because indifference has never bred hatred. Love on the other hand... Sometimes Caretaker isn't even sure who they're angry at. Whumper, they told themselves in the beginning. And that particular rage has never faded, that's true, but it's amassed companions over the months. Anger at Whumpee for being so uncooperative. For being so difficult. For being unreasonable. For being ungrateful. Annoyance at their antics. Their fits. Their night terrors. Their nervous habits. Their broken language. Disgust at the skin they scratch bloody. At the imbecilic way they can stare off into space for hours at a time. At the teeth starting to dissolve at the back of their mouth from all the acid they throw up. Disgust born out of frustration. Frustration, anger, sadness, despair, pain, rage, bargaining, annoyance; Caretaker goes through fifteen stages of grief every day and it's slowly wearing them thin.

Especially because all of these feelings are also directed towards themselves. Even when Whumpee has gone to sleep and the world should be okay, it isn't, because Caretaker and that bottle of Whiskey will stay up for hours trying to justify the thoughts and feelings they had that day and why it didn't make them a bad person, and fail miserably. Somehow the excuses will make them feel even worse and they'll go to bed drunk and wishing to be a better person. To be the one Whumpee deserves.

But in the morning they're still the same.

"Please," they whisper, looking at Whumpee's unsteady, fear-stricken eyes. "Please don't make me hate you."

Please, don't make me hate myself.

But Whumpee only whimpers. Caretaker exhales tiredly.

"Open your mouth, Whumpee. I won't ask again."

Whumpee scrunches up their nose as they try to wriggle out of Caretaker's grip, and Caretaker twitches in a spot deep inside. They're done asking.

With a decisive hand they grab Whumpee's head, thumb digging into the back of their jaw, forcing it open at the hinge. Whumpee yells and thrashes and tries to push Caretaker off.

Caretaker grabs their arm, their skinny, concerningly pale arm, and shoves their body roughly into the wall. Their fingers are leaving red welts on Whumpee's skin

"Stop fighting me, Whumpee," they say, voice coiled tight with suppressed anger and frustration and annoyance and-

Whumpee whimpers. Caretaker bares their teeth in a snarl.

"You need to take this and you will. Don't make me hurt you. You're out of your mind and you need. to. just. stop. fighting. me."

Their last words are punctuated by Caretaker smacking Whumpee into the wall by the shoulder repeatedly. Not violently, but harshly enough to make Whumpee dizzy enough to submit. Whumpee's chest is heaving with stifled sobs.

Caretaker forces their mouth open and drops the pill on their tongue. Whumpee's nails dig into their own arm.

"Good Whumpee," Caretaker says, relief blossoming in their stomach. They reach for the glass of water and hold it against Whumpee's lips. They're bleeding again, Caretaker notices with a worried sting.

"Drink. It'll help you swallow."

Whumpee struggles weakly, but eventually takes a sip. Caretaker watches them until they gulp it down, throat bobbing with effort.

They sit back on their heels with a sigh. Soon the drug will kick in and Whumpee will either space out or regain some coherence, depending on their state of mind. Either way is better than this. Last time they let this go on for too long Whumpee broke two ribs and a nightstand.

"You did good," they say, lying to themselves and Whumpee in a desperate attempt at making Whumpee feel better. Whumpee has always responded well to praise.

They look at Whumpee's face, streaked with tears, lips quivering, and their body sags. Whumpee never meant any harm.

"It's okay. You'll feel better in a minute. I promise." Their hand is soft when they caress Whumpee's cheek, pushing a damp strand of hair out of their eyes. Whumpee flinches but their head is already pressed against the wall on one side and they can't pull away any more, as hard as they may try. Caretaker tries their best to fight down the irrational bitterness of being rejected over and over.

"We're gonna figure this out, Whumpee," they say gently. "I just- I need you to stop fighting me, okay? We used to be a team, sweetheart. Remember that? I need you to work with me to beat this together."

I can't do this on my own.

Whumpee's head moves in what could be interpreted as a nod and Caretaker takes what they get. Whumpee always used to be the strong one, the one tempering Caretaker's storms and easing the weight of the world off their shoulders. It would make sense for them to at least try to be helpful now, no?

They smile weakly. "That's the spirit. We'll get you cleaned up in a minute, okay? Once you've calmed down."

Caretaker pulls away, leaving Whumpee to collect themselves. They don't even wince when Caretaker squeezes their arm reassuringly.

Maybe they're making progress.

They're about to stand up when Whumpee spits. The pill hits them in the face, sticky and partially dissolved and holding on to their cheek with sheer spite. Whumpee's mouth is set in a stubborn, suicidal, quivering line.

Caretaker blinks.

It takes a moment for them to react. When they do, it's with a deadly calmness.

"You don't like the pill," they say, words as dull as a razor blade. "You don't like the meds." They pull the pill from their skin. "I get that. I don't like it either. But you don't have a choice."

I don't have a choice.

"This isn't going to change anything, Whumpee. You are going to swallow this and if I have to push it down your throat for you to finally take a break I will."

Their eyes are glinting with sharp, bubbling anger badly kept at bay by unravelling patience.

When was the last time they slept for six hours straight? Or had been out with friends? Or done anything relaxing that didn't involve getting drunk?

The pill is gluey between their fingertips, its green outside coming off in smears. They just want a break.

"Open your mouth, Whumpee."

Whumpee spits again as Caretaker reaches for their face. It's a gesture born out of fear and the incapability to put their feelings into words, but it enrages Caretaker more than it ever did Whumper. Whumper liked Whumpee fighting back. It kept the game from becoming boring. And spitting was always such a childish thing to do that it heartened Whumper to see that they had reduced the once proud Whumpee to such base, helpless acts. You see, Whumper didn't love Whumpee.

But Caretaker does. And their anger burns all the brighter for it.

"Open your fucking mouth."

They're yelling now. Their voice is raised and cutting the air with inevitable self-contempt, but for now Caretaker is drowning in the rush of anger, hanging on to the couple of minutes before they consume themselves with regret.

Whumpee yells back when they grab their jaw, half of it slurred words telling Caretaker to back off, and the other half unintelligible gibberish whipping back and forth between begging and cursing. They flail, fists striking Caretaker's chest and arms, trying to push them off. The spittle that flies from their lips is red and leaves spots on Caretaker's shirt.

"Stop fighting me!" Caretaker roars, using their free hand to catch one of Whumpee's fists before it strikes their face.

They force Whumpee's jaw open again, but lose their grip as Whumpee bucks. They shove them back down into the ground and wrap their fingers around Whumpee's biceps so tightly that Whumpee yelps.

"I'm helping you," they grind out, trying to push the pill past Whumpee's lips. "Just take it!"

The tips of their fingers force themselves in through the cracked flesh, pill butting against Whumpee's teeth before Whumpee's jaw opens up a fraction and they bite down hard. Caretaker screams.

Whumpee lets go almost immediately, face white in shock, and Caretaker pulls their hands back. Both of them, one clutched against their chest and the other one flinging itself outwards for a moment.

It comes back down with a crack across Whumpee's cheek.

It's a hard, angry strike that sends Whumpee toppling onto the carpet, splitting their lips even further in the process. Bloody drops of saliva trickle down onto the fabric.

Whumpee sobs out loud. They're sorry, they're so sorry, they'll be better, they'll be good, please-

Caretaker flips them onto their back. Their fingers are bleeding as they pick up the pill from where they dropped it. They don't waste time asking Whumpee to open their mouth.

"Please don't," Whumpee hiccups, nails scraping at Caretaker's wrist. They squirm but Caretaker has them pinned down between their legs now, weight coming down heavy on their hips, and their mind floods with memories of Whumper.

"This is for your own good, Whumpee," Caretaker snarls, trying to fend off Whumpee's frantic scratching long enough to get a thumb into their jaw.

"Please don't," Whumpee whimpers, shaking their head in an attempt at fighting off Caretaker's grip. "Please, Caretaker, please don't."

Caretaker freezes. When was the last time Whumpee called them by their name? It happened so rarely that every instance burned itself into Caretaker's soul, like little lights of flickering hope. Little signs that maybe Whumpee could come back after all.

But this?

It was always "Master" or "Whumper" or "Sir/M'am" when Whumpee had fits like this or woke up from nightmares or was otherwise detached from reality and couldn't understand that they had no master now. Caretaker hated hearing that name on Whumpee's tongue like a prayer, those syllables whispered in pained pleas as if their tormentor was still with them.

Caretaker never once imagined how much worse it would be to hear their own name from Whumpee's cracking voice.

"You need to take this," they say, looking down at Whumpee in helpless despair. Their cheek is blossoming a violent red from where Caretaker struck them and somehow that makes Caretaker even angrier. If they're coherent enough to recognize Caretaker, then why are they fighting them so much?

"The doctor said- Stop scratching me, Whumpee." They push Whumpee's hand aside, then think better of it and push it down until they can pin it beneath their leg. Whumpee thrashes in response but Caretaker doesn't budge.

"The doctor said you need to take this when you get worse. It helps, okay?"

"No," Whumpee says, word barely audible between their sobs. "I don't want it, Whumper. I don't like it. Please, Caretaker, please don't. Please, I'll be good, Whumper, I'll be good, I don't want it, I don't need it, I'll do anything, please, please, Caretaker."

Caretaker watches as Whumpee dissolves into tears and their own heart breaks a little more.

"You're sick," they whisper, cradling Whumpee's throbbing cheek in their palm. "Whumper isn't even here, Whumpee. It's just me. Just me. And I don't want to hurt you, but you're out of your mind. Please, sweetheart, open your mouth."

Whumpee bucks their hips as Caretaker holds the pill against their lips. Their one free hand is scrambling to keep Caretaker away, fingers leaving angry streaks on their arm and tearing at their shirt.

"Get off of me," they say, nay, scream, and Caretaker cracks. If Whumpee thinks that they're the villain, then what's the point in playing nice?

Their hand is brutally rough as they force Whumpee's jaw open for good this time, pushing the sensitive spot until Whumpee's muscles give in to the pain; Caretaker is quick and the pill lands in Whumpee's mouth.

They don't get a chance to spit it out again. They try, tongue flicking in protest, but Caretaker snaps their jaw shut, hand over their mouth. They reach for the water glass, but Whumpee's fingers dig into their skin.

"Don't make this worse than it already is," Caretaker growls. They grab their wrist, trying to push it beneath their other leg, but Whumpee fights like an animal and it's all Caretaker can do to make sure their pinned arm doesn't slip free.

At last, out of options, they smack Whumpee's head against the floorboards. Once is enough. Whumpee stills, eyes glazed over with pain, and their arm drops down. Their fingers curl into the carpet as if trying to find support.

Caretaker's hand is slick with blood and tears.

The water glass is cool to the touch and they move quickly before Whumpee regains their bearings. They let go of their mouth, instead grabbing the back of their head and pushing it up, taking a hold of their hair when Whumpee tries to pull away. Their mouth opens, pill protruding slowly, but Caretaker quickly holds the glass against their lips.

Whumpee whines. The liquid pours down their chin as they clench their mouth shut.

"Drink," Caretaker says, tugging at Whumpee's hair in the last throes of patience.

Whumpee flares their nostrils. Their eyes are wide and panicked.

"Okay. You wanted it this way."

They release Whumpee's head and let it fall back down onto the floor, then wrap their hand around their jaw once more, keeping them in place.

Whumpee struggles sluggishly. Their thumb swiftly pushes inside Whumpee's teeth, bearing the risk of being bitten again, and they pour the water through the small gap created. Before Whumpee has a chance to react, Caretaker has already clamped their palm over their mouth.

Whumpee chokes. The water's running down their throat, burning in their nose as the pressure of their struggling pushes it out through any available orifice, and all they can think of is how smug Whumper always looked when Whumpee begged for mercy when coming up for air.

They flail, body convulsing in anguish and panic, but Caretaker keeps them down, mouth set into a grim line.

"Swallow it, Whumpee. Swallow."

Whumpee does, eventually, their throat flushing it all down involuntarily, including the pill.

They fight to breathe through a runny nose, whistling in the process, and Caretaker finally lets go of their mouth.

Whumpee gasps and coughs and turns their face away.

"Show me your mouth. Whumpee, show me- Show me your goddamn mouth."

Caretaker's hand is harsh as they yank Whumpee's head up. Whumpee lets them pry their mouth open, defeated and aching, and Caretaker swipes a finger beneath their tongue and inside their cheeks before finally being satisfied.

They sit back up and release Whumpee's arm.

"Was that so fucking hard?"

Caretaker doesn't know who they're talking to. Whumpee's crying quietly and seems too incoherent and beaten to still be paying attention to anything said around them.

Caretaker wants to hit Whumpee. They want to pick them up and kiss them well. They want to crack their face into the wall. They want to apologize and comfort them. They want to kick them until they're screaming.

They love them. They hate them. They love them. They hate them. They- They ha-

And Caretaker's hand shakes as they try to decide who they want to be. Who they can be after all this.

At last, they get up. They leave Whumpee on the floor, bleeding from swollen lips as they curl up into a sobbing ball of misery.

Pathetic. Lovable. Disgusting. Innocent.

Caretaker's hand clenches into a fist and they walk away.

The door slams shut behind them. Whumpee's soft, pathetic noises can still be heard as they pour themselves a drink in the kitchen and try to calm their shaking hand.

They should go back in.

Maybe they'll pick Whumpee up. Maybe they'll be strong enough to overcome the festering rage in their chest. Maybe they'll clean them, caress them, rock them until Whumpee stops crying and falls asleep.

Maybe. Maybe not. They don't want to take the risk of finding out what kind of person they really are when the threads are severed.

Instead they take a sip. It burns and they let it sit in their mouth for a moment, relishing the pain. They deserve it. Whumpee deserved it. ...no, they didn't. They did. They didn't.

Caretaker closes their eyes and tries to breathe against the turmoil in their head. In their chest. Their hand.

They all want different things and Caretaker isn't sure which one will win, just that all of them will suffer if they make a decision.

So they won't. Not until the Whiskey has dulled the edge enough to make Caretaker less afraid of themselves.

Maybe by then the drugs will have kicked in and Whumpee will have stopped crying. Maybe by then Caretaker's compassion will have surfaced from the vat of ugliness they feel twisting inside them. Maybe it will even be strong enough to overshadow their self-contempt. Maybe.

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dreamylyfe-x · 3 years

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I always enjoy your takes on Shameless episodes, they're so spot on every time. I agree with you that Ian's handling of Mickey's grief in the beginning of the episode makes sense from a character stand point (Mickey might not be emotionally ready to be comforted, Ian didn't want Mickey to stray too far from the fact that Terry was a terrible father and person, etc) but I gotta say that it was a pretty bad choice from just a storytelling perspective. The fact that Mickey's crying didn't have much of an emotional impact on Ian made it so that it didn't have much of an emotional impact on me as a viewer. It was sad and I felt bad, but I think that the scene could have been made so much better by showing Ian as being hurt because his husband was hurt (we got this later in the episode which is why I think that scene worked better), instead of Ian giving Mickey weirded out looks and side-eyes. Idk I think that scene should have been more of a gut punch than it was (not helped by the background music, either). Ian could have set an emotional "example" for the viewer by being less stoic in the face of his husband sobbing. That would have made more sense to me just as a way to tell the story to us. I feel like Shameless still has good stories to tell but the WAY they're being told just falls so short, sometimes.

First of all, thank you for your kind words, anon. I truly do love talking about this show.

I get your reaction, and it’s made me think a little more about what the show is going for. Like... It’s definitely not the traditional response to a grieving partner, as depicted on television. But neither is Mickey’s.

I cannot tel you how little I EVER would have guessed that the next time we saw Mickey after his father’s death he’d be sitting on their bed ugly crying and I honestly love that choice so much. SO much. It’s so unusual that a show would let a male character -- particularly an alpha tough guy like Mickey -- be THIS emotional. This isn’t the red eyes while he holds Ian at the police station. It’s not him wiping tears away after Ian tells him he’s going into the army. I find the fact that Mickey is crying so openly and continuously to be as fascinating as it is to have Ian essentially giving him reasons not to cry like this.

I think a lot of people read it as Ian giving MIckey what he needs and @pathoftheranger and @damngcoffee both made compelling posts about why Ian meets Mickey where he’s at. I am particularly moved by @damngcoffee point that the degree to which Mickey is crying is proof of how safe he feels. (Also shout out to @doodlevich and this post, which I DEEPLY relate to.)

Looking at it the way you frame it -- where you had the experience of it lessening the scenes impact -- I can completely see what you mean about how it pulls you out of really empathizing with Mickey (which the music arguably wants to do, too) because Ian isn’t comforting him in a way we’re used to. Like beyond the actual characters and story, Ian’s comments are discordant. This isn’t how we usually see this dynamic presented.

The scene reminded me of a very different scene from Ronan Farrow’s book Catch and Kill where he calls his partner from the back of a cab in despair, pours his heart out, and his partner responds with impatience and says “the only thing that has changed is that you haven’t slept in 24 hours.” -- that kind of brutal logic is absolutely something people do to each other, but it’s SO RARE we see that in fiction, from a character in Ian’s position. What we see is something more gentle and I think it’s so interesting that they didn’t do that. I also think it’s interesting that Cam doesn’t play the hard edge in the dialogue. He keeps his voice soft, even as he’s openly confused by this open display of emotion. Ian reaches out, touches Mickey, and stays in the conversation even after Mickey blames Terry’s murder on Ian. But this is not your normal depiction of grieving.

Buuuuut. Ian and MIckey don’t do normal. So.

I do think there’s value in seeing something that is so different from the average and maybe closer to the way couples would talk four days after the death of a nightmare parent (who has tried to murder both of them) but you are absolutely right that this scene isn’t a gut-punch in the way we might expect. We don’t get the moment of raw shock where Ian comforts Mickey -- but from a storytelling POV I think that scene belonged in 11x08. This episode is about grieving the underserving. And if we had more time, I’d want to see so much more of this particular dynamic, which I imagine is rooted in Ian’s concern about Mickey’s mental health. There is of course the echo of what happened to Ian after his mother died and how that undid him so totally, even though she was very much not a great mother to him. It makes sense to me that Ian would have an outsized concern about Mickey getting lost in his grief and wants to help him draw those lines -- Terry was awful. He doesn’t deserve your tears. I don’t want you to be in pain like this.

None of that is text and this will always be where I get low-key frustrated, because I could watch a whole hour just about Mickey reacting to Terry’s death. Happily. But the show has a bunch of other characters and Frank’s an art thief now, so we aren’t going to get the detail I want. It’s also just very true that Ian isn’t the sort of person to deeply examine his motives. He just feels the discomfort of watching Mickey in pain and reacts.

I love that he doesn’t back off. I love that Mickey doesn’t tell him to go to hell -- because he sure as hell would if that’s what he wanted. I love Mickey’s weepy “I know!” moments of agreement. I love that Mickey is completely baffled by how upset he is. Mostly I love that, at the end of the episode, when Mickey looks completely drained, Ian has his arm around him while he says his final goodbye to his bad dad.

But we never, ever get enough Gallavich in these episodes for my taste. And I do wish we’d gotten just one more moment with them in 11x08.

#asks #thank you for asking!#I'm not a spin-off person but I also could just watch Shameless-but-mostly-Gallavich forever #shameless season 11 #shameless 11x09

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corruptedconfessions · 3 years

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i— maybe.. beta!yandere!shōta aizawa w/ an omega!darling would be a nice concept(ृ°͈꒳°͈ ृ =͟͟͞͞)ु≡:*・.*

Ooo! I agree!

-Being a beta wouldn’t bother Aizawa at all, if anything he’s pleased about not being dragged into the mess of dynamics or having that itch to mate or be mated. He’s content by himself so why would he ever want to be an alpha or omega which would make him want someone else?

-That is...until he meets you. Then everything is flipped upsidedown. His entire outlook on life is just one big confused question mark

- As a pro hero he doesn’t interact with many omegas, its a very alpha driven profession, its near impossible for even betas to get into it (something he has first hand experience with), let alone omegas.

-You’re so...soft and small compared to what he is use to. You dont smell harsh and abrasive like alphas do to his beta nose. You smell...sweet. Soft, warm...like home. Your scent soothes his pain and takes him back to a simpler, happier time.

-He can’t help but feel attracted to you. Intrigue pulling him out of his bubble to get closer to you. And the more he learns, the more he sees, the more enraptured he becomes. It won’t take long before he is head over heels, blushing over your smiles and thinking about you all the day long.

-A lot of his yandere tendencies would stem from him being a beta and being unable to tie you to him forever like an alpha can. That and you being unsatisfied with him and leaving him for an alpha that can knot and breed you, claim you fully, fulfil all those base instincts that he can’t.

-He’d try and court you normally at first, taking the role of a dominant alpha even if he isn’t one. Gifts, bringing you food, later on gruffly offering you things for your nest with a dark blush on his face. It’s a 50/50 on if he’ll go full traditional and go ask your family to give you to him. I think he’d be hesitant, there isn’t many traditional families who would give an omega over to a useless beta, but if it was important to you or your family he would still do his best.

-If he managed to win you over and you accepted his proposal he would be over the moon. A dedicated partner that’s for sure. You would be spoiled silly, especially at first.

-Initially it will seem cute, to see a usually apathetic and cold hearted guy spoiled you so much and spend so much time fretting and fawning over you.

-That puppy love stage will quickly become soiled. It will become more and more clear to you that his attention comes not from a place of love, but a place of anxiety. He overcompensates, pushing too far since he feels like he has to make up for not being an alpha for you.

-Even if you try and reassure him, he’ll just brush you off and keep doing what he is doing, continue getting worse and worse.

-He’ll get aggressive and angry when you are around alphas, always automatically they are trying to take you away from him. He’ll start buying alpha hormone colognes and sprays, gets offended and upset when you don’t like them. You couldn’t stand the smell of an unfamiliar, fake smelling alpha being near you, so those end real quick, but you still will find him rubbing at his own scent glands (or lackthereof), clearly insecure about it.

-It comes to a head one night as the two of you are making love. In the midst of it he’ll bite down hard on the back of your neck, where your mating spot would be if he was an alpha. He’ll bite down hard enough to draw blood, ignoring your yelps and squirms as he keeps biting and biting and biting until your neck is bruised, raw and bloody.

-That will be the first time you’ll ever see Shouta cry. He’ll collapse ontop of you, harsh sobs wracking through his entire body. You’ll hold him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead for hours as you let him cry it out, the stress, the fear, the anxiety of it all. He just wants to love you so badly, why does everything have to be wrong with him?

-You’ll spend the whole night whispering into his hair how much you love him, how much you love dating him, how you would never leave him for another. A night filled with constant reassurances, feelings finally coming out into plain view instead of suppressed and hidden from each other. For the first time you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes when you tell him you didn’t date him hoping he would be an alpha. He was perfect the way he was, beta and all. His second gender changed nothing for you.

-You walked away from that night with a weight lifted off your shoulders, hope filling you that you could move past this, that Shouta could move past this and the two of you could just...love each other. For the first time you felt like that could actually happen.

-Oh, how wrong you were.

-It gets worse from there.

-It will devolve into an obsession, regardless of how much you try and comfort or soothe him. You’ll find him staring at other omegas mating marks with a far off distant look. His computer and phone will be filled with searches and research of a beta turning into an alpha, naturally or through unnatural means.

-You’ll try to get him to reach out and get help, finding him therapists that specialize in beta/omega relationships. He’ll refuse, brushing you off and ignoring you until you can’t take it anymore. The aggression, the violence, both towards other people and you. You didn’t recognize the man you once loved anymore.

-You go to him with an ultimatum: He either goes with you to therapy and gets help, or you’re gone. You will pack up your bags and leave and it will all be over. You won’t tolerate dating a man who treats you like this.

-Wrong move

-You’ll go to bed on that, telling him you expected a decision in the morning. You crawl into bed with a heavy heart yet fall asleep almost instantly. Dealing with him, during sex, during family visits, just dealing with him was draining you, physically and emotionally. You sleep deep that night

-When you wake up in the morning the first thing you see will be Shouta, standing at the food of your bed, staring at you intensely. The look on his face sends an almost primal reaction through you, terror gripping you tight.

- “You can’t leave me...I won’t let you”

-You tried to ask him what he meant, moving to sit up only to find that you couldn’t. Your arms were restrained to the headboard of the bed, and when you shifted in place you could hear the jingle of a chain around your ankles as well.

-He explained everything then. You wouldn’t be able to leave him, he wouldn’t let you. He knew that your “omega instincts” didn’t like not having an alpha around, not having a protector. ( you tried to protest but he just spoke over you, ignoring you completely) but he would figure something out, he would show you he could be a good provider, a good protector. He couldn’t let you go out where other alphas could trick you and snatch you away from him. So you would stay here, with him. And be a good little omega and let your alpha take care of you.

-While you slept he had worked, every window, every door, covered in locks, secured and bolted down, unable to be opened at all. You were trapped. Even if you got out of your restrains, even if you somehow managed to open a door or a window, how were you meant to escape the trained pro hero who was staring down at you, tensed and ready to snap at the slightest of movements.

-You should have gotten away while you had the chance.

#yandere #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa x reader #reader insert

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