#I did something simple because I'm on my period and in the middle of moving out but i had to draw unhinged xl in a bunny girl costume

[tempo-takoyaki]

Happy April Fool's Day!

#summarizing tgcf without having read any of it #myart #xie lian #san lang #hua cheng #hualian #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hov #season 2 or not season 2? that is the question #I did something simple because I'm on my period and in the middle of moving out but i had to draw unhinged xl in a bunny girl costume #it was crucial to my well-being #ah I also tweaked my main lineart brush it feels a thousand times better now

[ghostly-wisp]

MR. LOVERMAN

Chapter 5 

chapter 4 | chapter 6 | series masterlist | page masterlist

warnings — strong language

The weekend didn't give Pedro nearly enough time to process what happened—however, life moves on. He can't not show up to work because of romance troubles amongst staff, though he certainly thought about it.

Pedro wonders if seeing you would bring up any emotions; he hopes not but knows that realistically they will. He had a panic attack in your classroom because he told you he's scared to have a crush on you—that's not something you get over in just two days. He figures he just has to avoid your gaze and stay in his room while you're in the hallway; it's not like he wasn't doing that anyway.

He hopes you try talking to him, though. He's curious to know if your relationship was on the mend, or if he lost you. He hopes he didn't, but he understands if he did. 

He's walking down the quiet, empty hallways of the school. He loves when the school is like this—empty, and quiet, with no students, and most of the staff isn't there. It feels nice not having to keep a smile on his face and act like all is fine for once. Even if it's for a short period of time. Shorter than he had hoped because he heard his name being called from down the hall. He lets himself get his hopes up, that it's you, and the two of you would walk to your respective classrooms like nothing ever happened. Though nothing in life is that simple, and when he turns, he sees Jenny rushing to catch up with him. He forces a smile, “Hi, Jen. He says once she caught up, you feelin' okay?”

She pants, “Yeah,” she stands normally in front of him. “How are you? I heard that there's some…problems–” she's not sure how to word it, and Pedro doesn't want to talk about it in the middle of the hallway. “I'm fine.” he says, “No problems.” Honestly the fact that it was going around the school already – like you and Pedro were some sort of object to be observed by everyone else, and for her to confront him about it in the middle of the hall. He thinks back to something you told him when you first met – sometimes we’re no better than the students – Jenny hums, “That's good, I’m glad.” She fixes her bag over her shoulder before she speaks again. “Can I ask you a favor? I have a shit ton of art supplies in my car that I need to get into my classroom. It would take me so long if I do it alone, could you help me out?” He hesitates, but he thinks that perhaps he judges Jenny too soon. “Sure,” he says, “Let me put my stuff in my room and I’ll be right back down.” 

That was only the beginning. 

Pedro found himself in situations more often with Jenny around, she would come to his room for lunch, they could talk comfortably about problems. Jenny is very nice – but she's not you. He can’t get past that, no matter how hard she tries. The two of them hang out after school sometimes and she always sits herself just a hair too close to him, he never says anything. He just silently allows it, because he thinks that maybe this is the way to get over you. He thinks that if he moves on that all his problems will wash away. Maybe you don’t even notice what's going on.

You definitely notice, though. 

The way Jennys hand lingers on his arm for too long, the way he goes quiet when you enter the room. You see her going into his room every day during lunch and leaving just before the students come back, you’re not stupid. She’s liked him from the very beginning, and you’re out of the picture. It was only a matter of time before this happened, still, it hurt like hell. 

He was never yours, you were never his – but still, you liked to think about what could’ve been, maybe you were too harsh, or things were moving too fast. What's stopping you from being friends with him? He was still so valuable to you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk across the hall to see him. Even if you did, you knew Jenny would be there, and you really didn’t want to see her. 

You had no reason to be mad at her in this situation, really, she saw an opportunity and she took it. You would’ve done the same thing if the roles were reversed. He was just a stupid guy that you were getting worked up about, like some teenager who watched her crush get with someone else. Still, you wonder if he even thinks about you anymore, if he wonders how you are, if even for a moment he thinks about coming into your classroom too. Sam notices you staring in the direction of his classroom for a second too long, and snaps their fingers to bring your attention back. “Y/N!”

“Sorry,” you say, turning your chair to face them again. “What were you talking about?” Sam only gives you a blank face, putting their lunch down on the end of your desk. “Y/N, you have to get over him.” They say it like it's so simple, and this, admittedly, annoys you just a little. “It's not that simple, it's like if I told you to get over Jae.” 

“It is absolutely not the same thing!”

“How?!”

“Jae and I have been married. For three years!”

You scowl, they have a point there, but still, you put the rest of the food in your mini fridge. You decide to take the rest of the conversation back to Pedro. “It's just hard, you know, I’m not just losing the guy I had a crush on, I’m losing a friend.” To that, Sam feels for you. You had been there when Sam was going through their men, too, they know how it feels. “I know,” they say quietly. “But you know, maybe this is for the best. He’s a bundle of hurt, a package you don’t need right now.” Still, you can’t help but think about what could’ve been. 

It could’ve been you, Pedro, and Sam. Laughing and making stupid jokes. It could’ve been you and Pedro hanging out at his apartment watching stupid movies, talking about your day, students. 

It’s not that you don’t value your time with Sam, you love them dearly. It's just that, you missed that extra presence, you missed the new person in your circle. Now you don’t have that, and you know the other teachers know what happened. Because they give you this sympathetic look when they ask how you are, and they suck their breath in whenever Pedro’s nearby. For teachers, they’re not very discreet people. They treat you now like even saying his name will cause you to burst, you hate it. You just want things back to normal, sometimes you wished that Pedro never came here. It would be easier if he just never moved into your district, never into the classroom across from you. Life would be easier if he just asked someone else for help on printing things, it wouldn’t be as fun though. Maybe it's your age, if you're older this could’ve worked. Or like Pedro said, if you met sooner. 

“Still.” you say in response to Sam, “It hurts, but I’ll get over it you just have to give me time.”

Jenny invites Pedro over on friday night, and he accepts the offer, it beats sitting in his apartment alone. They don’t do much, or talk about a lot, they just sit and watch Young Sheldon – which wouldn’t be his first choice, but it was the only thing that was on that they could agree on. 

She’s almost on top of him, their legs touching, and she's leaning awfully close to him. Still, he doesn’t say anything, he places his arms across the top of the couch – almost welcoming it in. When it cuts to commercial, she finally speaks. “I would hate to have a student like him.” Pedro raises his eyebrows, “Really? I think it would be interesting, hearing what he has to say. I guess he is condescending, though.” he replies, “I don’t necessarily want to say I would hate to have a student that acts a certain way, he clearly doesn’t see how he's hurting their feelings.” She shrugs, slowly pushing herself away from him to get up. “Still. I would’ve gotten so frustrated.” 

“Well,” he smiles, to show that he teases. “Good thing you’re an art teacher. I would be screwed. Science n’ all.” Jenny nods, “I guess so.. I’m going to get a glass of water, do you want any?” 

He shakes his head, “I’m good.” and when she disappears into the kitchen – he can’t help but glance around. He notices a few things, a coloring book on her glass coffee table, a stack of student artwork that he assumes is to-be-graded, and lastly, a staff photo that was taken just a year before he started working at the school.

He gently picks it up, looking around at the familiar faces. But his eyes are drawn to you. 

You're smiling widely, you and Sam have your arms around each other, the top you’re wearing looks nice on you, and he knows he's seen it on you a couple times. His heart pangs a bit, he misses you. No matter how much time he spends here, he can't deny that. He notices the dip in the couch from Jenny placing herself next to him, just as close as before. “I look so stupid in that photo,” she laughs, assuming that he was looking at her. He quickly scans for her to avoid making this awkward. Jenny sticks out like a sore thumb, she's in the front of the stand and she wasn’t ready for the photo because she was barely in her spot. “I was the one taking the photo, so I had to rush into the spot.” 

He hums, “You look fine.” 

Just fine she thinks, but she’ll take it. “So, I heard Y/N and Sam talking today, they were talking about you a lot.” This gets his attention, a lot more than what she had hoped for when she brought up the conversation. She hates the hold you still have him, she just wishes you could fucking let go already. He doesn’t say anything, so she continues. “Sam was tellin’ her that she needs to get over you, that you’re not worth all this time.”

That alone fills Pedro’s heart with this excitement, this sense of hope that he needed – but he's careful not to show it. He sucks in a breath, putting the photo down, he feels her hand slowly slide up his hand. This is the first time she actually physically touched him. He tenses at the touch, not expecting it. “If you ask me, she ought to let this go at some point. You know, she can be such a bitch. I mean she made you feel like shit and now she wants to act like–”

He isn’t sure what it is, but he feels an anger bubble inside him, and he whips around, lightly smacking her hand off of him. “Don’t you fucking talk about her like that.” he didn’t realize he raised his voice, his nostrils flare and he glares at her. This surprises her, her jaw is slack and her eyebrows raise slightly. Normally, Pedro would apologize for raising his voice in such a manner, but he doesn’t. “She didn’t hurt you. You have no fuckin’ right to talk about her like that.”

You’re in your apartment, you've got your headphones in listening to You’re On Your Own, Kid, by Taylor Swift. Cleaning up around your kitchen. Your music goes quiet in your headphones, and you notice an incoming call from Pedro. You pause, you even feel your body freeze unsure what to do. If Sam were here, they would advise you not to answer it, but then you think – what if it’s an emergency? If it's an emergency – why doesn’t he just call Jenny?

The pair stare at each other for a moment, and suddenly he stands. She doesn’t protest him, her eyes just follow his movements as he frantically looks for and grabs his coat, throwing it on. “Thank you for your hospitality,” he says quietly, “but I think I should get going now.”

But then your heart pangs, if he isn’t calling Jenny, maybe it's because he thought of you first. You disconnect your headphones and slide the green button. 

“Hello?”

TAGLIST (IM SORRY FOR THE DOUBLE TAG!! THIS IS A REPOST!!)

@djarinsstuff @doodlebob-mp3

@wanniiieeee @zeyzeys-stuff @jay1bird23 @corpsebridenightamare @queerponcho

@peqchsoup @surazim @melanie451 @krisviciousx @elliescumsl0t @theanxietyqueen17 @vasiliki-koshka

@figusquibis @lothirielcorleon @maybedisaster @kpicard @becca193 @themusingkitten @caravelofthesun @coldheartedmar

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x reader insert #reader insert #mr. loverman #ghostly wisp #joel miller #tlou #tlou series #the last of us show #the last of us #the last of us series #narcos #triple frontier #game of thrones #the mandalorian #din djarin #oberyn martell #fanfic #x reader

[lamnwar]

Hiii! It was me! Can i request nijimura x fem Reader? Reader was kouhai and bottle girl in teiko. Reader and nijimura became close because she often bring food or snack to practice. Thank you!

hi babe!!! 💕💕 I'm so so sorry I took this long, my laptop crashed when I was halfway through writting it and I had to wait for it to get repaired to go back to writing 😭 ANYWAYS! thank you so so much for requesting Nijimura!! He's so underrated and deserves all the love <33

When Our Spring Comes // Nijumura Shuzo x fem! Reader

Context: in which you're Nijimura's junior at Teiko, and you slowly fall for each other <3

Warnings: none! obvs it's set in middle school so it's very soft and cute and I felt like an old lady experiencing teenage love for the first time while writing it 😭

Spring has always been a bittersweet period of the year to you. When you were just a kid, it always struck you as the time where you’d be separated from your former classmates as you got to graduate and move to the upper class – and oh, was it dreadful to be separated from the group of friends you’ve built over the previous school year! Then you grew a little bit, always hoping to grow more so you awaited spring, the new classes, just a proof that you weren’t a kid anymore.

This spring, though, is rather something you dread. It’s coming quite soon – in 4 weeks from now, so it’s maybe too late for you to worry about it. But the stinging feeling in your stomach that you get every time you think of the future creeps in the minute your eyes meet Shuzo’s. He smiles, unaware of the turmoil inside of your mind. For all you know, he only thinks of you as his cute junior, here at every practice and every match, the nicest smile on your face as you hand your players a bottle of water and sweet words of motivation.

When you first enter Teiko Middle School, the basketball club was the last club you’d ever think of entering. Well, for one, basketball wasn’t quite a passion of yours, and if it was really up to you, you would have integrated a club that matches your interests better. It just happened that you fell sick on the week of club admission, hence missing the deadline and having to choose between integrating the basketball club or the Korean cinema club – which was way too niche for you. Only when you stepped foot inside the gymnasium did you understand that basketball was a big deal in Teiko; well, what other middle school team has three strings of players?

Shuzo Nijimura raised an eyebrow the first time he saw you. Polite and friendly, but definitely less passionate than the crowd of enraged teenage boys he’s used to. Though you clearly did not hide the fact that you weren’t there 100% on your own will, you still attended to your simple task of water girl and, occasionally, snack girl.

So, he’s come to know you, his cute junior. You were always there, so nice to talk to, taking notice of all these little things about the players as you spent more time amongst the team. Standing in the sideline next to him as he took his breaks, looking at the others in training. But the first time Shuzo held a proper conversation with you was during a random afternoon practice, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was in deep reflection, eyes fixed on the first years’ – some of which were your classmates – play. You followed his gaze, somewhat understand what could get him so intrigued with these boys. Despite being in the same team for a little more than two months at this point, the sight of their play never failed to stun whoever watched them.

“Say, you know Murasakibara pretty well, don’t you?” He asked, and you remember jumping a little bit when he talked to you.

“Yeah, we were in the same primary school. Weird guy, I’d say, but who am I to judge?” you chuckled.

Atsushi Murasakibara has always been a strange guy, for all the years you’d known him. You weren’t a friend of him, not even sure if he even knew your name given how disconnected with the world he was, but you were always observant, always knowing people without really knowing them.

“Man…” your captain sighed. “He makes me mad. I was hoping you’d have some tips on how to handle him.”

You raised an eyebrow, not quite sure how he’d come to think you would know.

“When I have a tough time with one of the boys, I usually try to find a way to get to them, make things easier.” He explained. “I don’t wanna say I can read people or something like that, but your classmates are tough nuts to crack.”

“Yeah, these boys… can’t say they’re your average players.”

“Right? I don’t mind having strong players in the team since they make us win, but it’s not all about the games now, is it?”

You shrugged.

“I guess.”

“Yeah, so I’m trying to decipher them one by one. Aomine’s easy, I just had to ask Satsuki. Midorima is fairly approachable, even though I don’t know many 12 years old who take themselves so seriously. And Akashi’s fine, too. But Murasakibara…”

He trailed, and you laughed a bit at the look on his face – one you’d seen quite often on your parents’ face that could clearly read “what am I going to do with that child?”

“Well Atsushi really isn’t that complicated. Not that I know him that well, but he can be bribe with snacks, if that helps.”

“Snacks?”

“Uh-huh. He becomes pretty obedient in exchange for snacks. He likes those kelp chips.”

He let out a soft laugh, then looked at you, and that was also the first time you saw Shuzo’s smile directed to you. Deep in your ribs, you felt your heart jump.

It’s been two years since then. You didn’t expect things to evolve like that. Back then, you would have never seen yourself being by Shuzo’s side even outside of the basketball court. Yet here you are. The last cold breezes of winter disheveling your hair as you try to fix it, in vain. Shuzo’s by your side, chuckling as he sees you struggle. You’ve always been jealous of how his hair never moves. Even when he’s running all around the court, his thick bangs are stable, if not for a few drops of sweat that make them appear a bit thinner. You tsk, Shuzo playfully ruffling your hair. Your heart skips a beat, but you keep it from beating to fast by breathing long and slow.

“Say, captain – “

“Told you not to call me that.” He mumbles in his scarf. “Not your captain, barely your superior in any way.”

“It’s a force of habit.”

“I know.”

“Well, I kinda liked the team better under your mandate.” You chuckle, reminiscing your first year as Teiko’s water girl. The team was something else, back then.

“Hm…” he laughs softly, “but you still love your team.”

“So do you, Shuzo.”

You smile as you watch him blush. He’s never been one to openly admit how much Teiko’s basketball team means to him, but you’ve known him long enough to see the pride in his eyes as he watches his juniors bring yet another victory to your school. You were there, the day he demoted from his position of captain; you didn’t mean to eavesdrop, you were just on your way to the teacher’s room when it happened. You never told him, though, that you’ve heard the whole conversation with coach Sanada. Even if you can understand his reason, you firmly believe that he’s the only one capable of keeping the Generation of Miracles at bay. He has that calm, commanding nature, somewhat nurturing despite its rough aspect. But at the end of the day, your opinion doesn’t matter much.

Anyways, he’s not here for long. One month, you counted. And then he’ll move on, and you’ll be left with no… no him around anymore. The realisation hit you, and you try to supress it but it’s hard. You wish he was around longer, would have made your life brighter. You sigh, nudging his shoulder gently.

“You’ll keep playing in high school, right?” you ask as you both stop at a crossway.

“Depends on my dad’s health.”

Ah, yes. That. You suddenly feel bad for your selfish feelings. Doesn’t matter how you feel about him, as your captain or as a person, his decisions weren’t made thoughtlessly. Shuzo loves his dad maybe more than he’s willing to show. You’ve realized it when he would take some extra snacks that you’ve made for practice, telling you that his dad would love these and he’d take them to the hospital on his next visit. So, on those days you’d have these special snacks, you’d sneak a little pouch of them in his bag. He never said a word about it, but you’d see his face the next day when he’d tell you about his visit to his dad. You don’t have to ask; he’ll just tell you if he feels like it. And every time, you’ll lend an ear.

“Man…” you tsk.

He raises his eyebrows, surprised by your sudden exclamation. While he looks at you, you deviate your gaze to your gloves-covered hands.

“Don’t wanna think about how you’ll probably find yourself another water girl wherever you’re going after Teiko.”

He’s silent for a few seconds, before the soft sound of his laugh creeps into your ears. Your efforts to hide your blushing face in your scarf reveals itself to be a failure; it’s ok, right? He’ll probably think it’s the cold, right?

“I won’t replace you, you know. I don’t think I can.”

“Huh?”

It’s your turn to stare at him dumbfounded. Shuzo’s face is surprisingly serene, despite the weight of his words. To your heart, it sounds like a confession, but you’d be a fool to bet on that. Being friends is all you ever are, never more. It’s an insane possibility, yet…

“I’ll miss you, you know, when I’ll be in high school.”

He stops, looking at the sky. It’s clear and blue, far from the storm brewing in his body. Shuzo Nijimura has never been vocal about his feelings, let alone those of such softness. The confidence with which he’s uttered these words stuns him first; but his heart is about to burst at any moment.

“Well… we don’t have to part ways either.” You mumble.

“You mean that?”

You nod. He’s silent. He’s never thought of that as an option. But now that you’ve said it, he’s struck by the sudden realisation that he’s absolutely an idiot.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?” you look up at him, confused.

“You’re receiving a promotion, if you accept it.” He looks away for a second, before facing you with the kind of determination he only shows on the basketball court.

A small smile paints itself on your face, seeing his fists rolled in ball like he’s about to fight you. Well, he’s rather fighting himself.

“I’ll promote you. From my water girl to my girlfriend. Would you like that?”

“Eh?!”

The look on your face would normally make him laugh, but he rather not. If anything, he’s on the verge of cardiac arrest. Mere seconds have passed, but it feels like you’re taking forever to give him an answer. But then you do.

“I’d like that, yeah.”

Shuzo’s arms are quick to wrap around you, pushing you in a tight embrace while you take a minute to reciprocate the hug. His erratic heartbeats resonate through your body as it sinks in just how much this entire moment means for him. You close your eyes, humming against his chest.

“God, I’m so glad you didn’t reject that lame confession.”

You laugh, daring to leave a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Like I ever would, captain.”

He follows your words with a heartfelt chuckle, one that feels warm like those late winter sunrays that kiss your face right now.

And in this moment, the thought of spring coming has your heart blooming.

#here it is! #i was so happy to write on him thanks for the request love <33 #knb #kuroko no basuke #nijiumura shuzo #knb x reader #nijimura x reader #knb fluff

[pauking5]

Seeking comfort from an idiot

enishi yukishiro x fem reader

A/N: This is a quick wip on pair with the Addicting Taste lore but can be a standalone (if you squint). Here's a little comfort fic with my favorite idiot to soothe my monthly torture. Hope it helps yours a little too. Enjoy!

Part 2 😉

"Let me get this straight."

"Yes, Enishi," you say exasperated, a hand held to your forehead.

You were sat on the couch in his office, explaining the suffering ovary owners go through every month to him. He seemed utterly confused at every new piece of information you were telling him. He made a great effort in understanding your current predicament, despite asking the stupidest questions known to mankind.

"You just randomly bleed out every month?"

"Yes," you sighed a little annoyed.

"Willingly?"

"Oh my god, you're an idiot."

"What do you mean I'm an idiot? It's not my fault I don't know anything about these things."

The migraine brewing in your head was mostly because of your period, partly due to his stupid questions. There was no way this man was raised by a woman.

"I just explained it to you!" you yelled as he lifted his hands up in surrender.

You felt a wave of discomfort slowly crawl up your abdomen and sunk back into the couch hoping to alleviate it. The stiff cushions did little to help, making you more uncomfortable than they should have. Everything was making you sensitive and the only thing that would help was your bed.

"Enishi?" you called his name in a tiny voice only to get a hum in response.

"Bed," you say, making grabby hands at him. The simple word should have been enough of a hint about what you wanted but his brain didn't seem to catch the obvious.

"What about the bed?" he asked earning a groan from you. Your hormones were getting the best of you as you struggled to keep the murderous intentions inside.

"I want to go to bed," you say through gritted teeth as you repeated the grabby hands, adding a smile at the end. If you didn't hit the bed soon your insides would turn into a torture chamber.

"Then go-"

"You idiot, CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE ME TO BED-" you yelled but stopped as a big cramp wrecked your middle, making you crumple into a ball on the couch. You shut your eyes tight and gripped your abdomen trying to ride out the waves of pain.

He mumbled a few curses under his breath as he moved to your spot. Sliding his strong arms under your legs and securing your back, he lifted you up carefully trying to not make your pain worse.

He made a move towards your room as you leaned your head on his shoulder, curling yourself into him as much as you could. He felt weirdly warm today, a comforting heat radiating off his body. The sweet relief was short lived as another wave of cramps wrecked your body making you whine.

You hated feeling this helpless every single month, unable to do anything about it, except suffer in silence until the pain would subside by itself. Showing your weakness to Enishi of all people made you feel even shittier about yourself. He was the kind of person to brave through an injury no matter how painful it felt, so it was normal to feel a little mad about it as you asked him to carry you to your room.

He gently let you down on the bed and you turned on your side, gripping his hand as you sat him on the edge next to you. The pain was only getting worse and you needed immediate relief before you would pass out, freaking out a clueless Enishi even more.

"What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," you choked as a violent cramp was trying to dismantle your uterus.

He racked his brain for a solution until he settled on a forgotten memory of his sister. He was wandering aimlessly around the woods until he stumbled and fell, scraping his knee on a rock. As Tomoe patched him up, he recalled her saying something about warmth being the cure for almost all pain.

He wasn't sure if she meant it rhetorically or if it was actually a remedy he could use. Hell, he would try anything to put you out of your misery right now even if it sounded like a fable.

Doubtful if it would work, he took to rubbing your lower back in slow circles to create some warmth, waiting for your reaction. The action relieved some of your pain and you sighed in content, giving Enishi the confirmation that he was doing something useful. The more heat his palm generated, the more your cramps were decreasing in intensity. Maybe he wasn't that useless when it came to comfort as you thought.

The consistent rhythm of his hand lulled you and you were fast asleep before you knew it. Enishi smiled softly at your pouty face, puffing up against the pillow as a few light snores escaped you. He brushed a few stray hairs away from your face and hooked them up behind your ear. Grabbing a hold of your blanket he draped it over you so you would stay warm.

He wished he could do more for you. Seeing you in this much pain was driving him mad. He couldn't believe the fact that you were going through this every month. It made him admire your strength even more than he already did. He was sure as hell that if he was the one bleeding out every month he wouldn't be able to handle it.

A battle wound could heal within a few days. But this was a constant pain lasting for more than a few days, making normal everyday tasks become a struggle. No one should go through this kind of pain, especially you.

You whimpered in your sleep as his hand stopped rubbing your back. He chuckled as he turned back to his job, a small smile pulling at your lips in your sleep. You wriggled closer to him seeking the warmth of his hand rather than the blanket.

It seemed so easy to comfort you without doing too much but just being there for you. He was willing to do anything to help you during this time, no matter what you asked of him. If rubbing your back was what you needed he would gladly comply with it for as long as you needed him to.

Thank you for reading! As always, comments, notes and reblogs are welcome :)

#enishi yukishiro #enishi yukishiro x reader #enishi yukishiro comfort #enishi yukishiro x you #enishi yukishiro fluff #where do i get me an enishi too #i feel lonely now smh #kinda did it to myself

[samscrying]

I owe an apology, not to anyone but myself.

For months I let myself be brutally hurt by a man who did nothing for me, I made it my fault and never let myself realise that I am not the only human with faults.

It's so incredibly hard to realise that someone you idolized from the second you met them is the very thing that is destroying you.

The day I met you was a day that changed my life in a way no one could have ever predicted. In the true fashion of a teenage romance, we met through a simple snapchat, you asking me if I liked ur Santa hey in the middle of August, this hat later came into my possession. You lived far from me, but it wasn't impossible, my family lived in the same city as you, visitation was very possible.

Saying I love you was second nature, everything was so wonderful, I was some incapacitated by your charm, you made me feel like someone finally understood me. Soon we finally met, we didn't do much, a lot of sex honesty, I met some of your friends, and even though it wasn't much, it was amazing. Soon after the problems began. You didn't tell me things, I didn't know where you were, I didn't know if you were safe, I'd go hours without hearing from you without knowing why, your friends began to hate me for no reason, of course I later found out this was because you were telling them bad things about me, leaving out all the good, making me a monster to some of the most important and influential people in your life.

You cried for me one night, one January night, I was mad at you over something, and you sat outside your friends house and cried on the phone to me, begging me to stay. I don't even remember what the fight was about, but in that moment you cared about me, and of course I stayed.

You knew that I'm bipolar, and you often demonized me for it. You would become accusing of me during manic periods, saying I was going to cheat or dump you. When depressed, you treated me like a chore, you didn't want to deal with me and my intense emotions that you always knew I had. No matter how many times I tried to explain my situation to you I don't think you ever fully understood.

You were a liar. You were a fucking liar. You lied to me possibly every day, you lied to me one night in particular, telling me you were out with your brother and your friend late into the night, you didn't answer your phone for hours. That night was hard for me, I had a lot on my mind and you weren't there for me. When you finially called me back you sounded perfect, so in love, ready to help me. I later found out that that night you cheated on me. You so easily covers yourself up, and when I confronted you, I was so blind with the potential of what you could be that I didn't even hesitate to stay with you. I should have left right then.

I soon found out I was going to move to your city with my mother, we were so over joyed to finially be able to be together whenever we wanted, so overjoyed that you couldn't take it and broke up with me. I was fucking dystroyed. My whole world collapsed on me, without you I knew nothing, just short of a year of being with you and now I knew nothing. I didn't know who I was without you, I didn't know what it meant to be independent or alone, but it was okay because I didn't have to find out, in your usual indesisive nature, you called me a week later saying how stupid you were, how much you loved me. I don't think I had ever received such a beautiful phone call. Our redemption arc, it wasn't over, you were still mine, everything was going to be okay. You made the resin for you leaving my fault, you said I was too clingy, I was obsessive and crazy, when in reality I was just curious and desired to be in your life. Nonetheless, I believed you and promised I would change.

Soon I moved, I saw you all the time, it was just like when we first got together, gorgeous, beautiful, raw love. You'd recently switched schools, which meant you had new friends, this was a huge relief for me as your old friends had hated me, for reasons I still didn't know why at the time. But little did I know you were telling these friends the same bad things about me. I used to never understand why you did that, but now I know it was so that someone would be on your side, so you would have people that would support you if you decided to leave me, people who would agree if you called me crazy, people who thought I was the problem.

In the same fashion as always, we were quick to get back to our regular routine, see eachother and be happy and in love, be separated and have a problem start again, fight and cry, see eachother and fix it, just for it to start again two days after. You told people I was crazy, and guenuinly I believe you drove me a little crazy. It was always the same handful of issues, you always promised to change it, I'd always believe you, and you never would. The hardest part of all of it was I always always always knew you fully well could change, but in the end I just wasn't the person that you wanted to change for, I wonder if you ever will change for someone.

One February day, nearly a year and half in, you came over, and for some reason I had this bad feeling, that night you held me in your arms as I cried, I expressed my worries that you might leave me, you comforted me, told me how much you loved me, how you would never leave me. And as in your usual fashion, you fucking lied again. Two days later, you texted me and short, five lined text saying you didn't love me. It was over. And of course at this time you were with all of your friends, the friends that hated me and often egged you on to get you to leave me, I guess they finally got to you.

I can still vividly remember the absolute dread that filled my body. I couldn't move, I took a few minutes to fully register it, and then I guenuinly screamed. You made me scream and cry and hit my head repeatedly, I riped out my hair and choked on my own sobs, I cried untill my tear ducts were dry. You refused to call me. You refused to explain. You didn't want me. It was over. That moment made me suicidal for the first time in a long time, I auctually contemplated leaving everything behind because I couldn't imagine living without you. And once again I was empty, alone, no clue who I was. And as per fucking always you texted me shortly after asking for me back. But this time I didn't give in.

I came to learn you, after our break up you spent a few weeks toying with my feelings, changing between wanting me and hating me. I started to realise you didn't like it when I stood up for myself, I never had before and I finally began to. I saw what you were doing. You needed the control of me. You liked knowing I was so helplessly under you spell, you kept hurting me because I never fucking did anything about it, but you breaking up with me made me finially change that.

You nearly broke me completely, and I'm proud to say I don't love you any more. You hurt me more then anyone or anything ever has, you pushed me to my limit every day and I stayed because I was so convinced that you were the only one who would ever love me. I thought this because that was the narritive you pushed into my head, you told me I was a bad person, you made up story's that I was awful and I believed them even though I was there, and never witnessed it. You were witholding of love, and then would suddenly treat me like the most important thing in the world. I'd be lying to say I wouldn't do it again. I would experience that beautiful torture of love again if I went back in time, but I wouldn't want it forever. I thank you for teaching me to love myself first, to not put another person before myself, especially not for a person that treats me how you did. You showed me exactly the type of boy to stay away from.

When we broke up you said you are convinced that twenty years from now we will meet up and it will be amazing and it will work out. But I pray that dosent happen. I hope our paths never ever cross again, because I am done with you. I have heald from you, but you will always have scars on my heart. If I met you twenty years from now, I wouldnt give you another chance, because you already used them, I didn't give you one or two chances, I gave you millions and you never improved. I will never forget the way I cried over you nearly every night and more importantly I will never forget the way you let me cry, you were never ever fucking there when I needed you.

I am a new person now. I live in a new home that dosent have memories of you in it. I go out almost every day now, instead of being couped up in my room crying over you. I dress how I want, instead of thinking of how you would be mad at me for dressing how I do. I'm dating an amazing boy who treats me right, he takes me on dates, which you never did, he cares about me in the sweetest way, he's healing a heart that he's didn't break, and he is showing me how I should have always been treated. I'm happy. I'm happy without you. I never thought that was possible, but now I could never imagine my life with you still in it. You held me back, thank you for freeing me, I know without your push I would have stayed under your spell for a very long time. Thank you for throwing me away, because you threw me into the start of a beautiful life.

I am so sorry that I allowed myself to be treated like that, I promise I will never be so blind again.

[sillystringpony]

Reflections on Rosemary:

experimenting with a psuedo-pop-art style (ben day dots yay!) for some angsty chalmskinn fanart, and a discussion about Rosemary Chalmers.

[TW: discussion of eating disorders]

I made this piece because I feel like I haven't really seen a lot of chalmskinn content that takes Shauna into account, which I guess makes sense since she isn't given all that many interactions with her dad. Anyway, I've always seen her delinquency as stemming from her mother's death: in my eyes, she's not a bad person, she's just a girl who misses her mother. I started wondering how that would play into the chalmskinn ship; I feel like she'd be fine with her dad's various flings and one-night-stands, but would recoil at any sign of her father moving on emotionally from Rosemary. I definitely want to explore how that might impact the dynamic between Seymour and Shauna a bit more in the future, especially since I've always been a huge fan of the new step-parent trying to connect with a hung up step-child trope (I really love Quibble Pants/Clear Sky because of this... if there are any bronies reading).

Her Father's Temper and Her Mother's Eyes, 2024.

no need to grip the pancake so hard girl it aint going anywhere

If I'm remembering correctly, Rosemary's character was first introduced in season 16 when the superintendent mentions his wife is very sick. There's then no real mention of her until season 23, in Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts, when she's pretty much confirmed dead, and Gary reflects on how he misses her (which was way more upsetting than it should be, fuck you, you funny yellow people). She's finally explicitly confirmed as dead in season 30.

Autism is as autism does, so I fixated in on these little tidbits and tried to fill in the gaps with my own headcanons. Around the time I was doing so, I was going through a really hard period with my own anorexia - I was experiencing a lot of potentially fatal symptoms and beneath the anorexic delusion, I was genuinely scared for myself. Because of that, I sort of subconsciously projected myself onto Rosemary; it's never explained how exactly she died, only that she was 'very sick'. Rather than take the more conventional route of headcanoning her as having fallen victim to a fundamentally physical illness, I decided to go the route of having her lose the struggle to anorexia nervosa.

At first, obviously, it was just a simple projection of my own issues and illness at the time. You know: I'm scared I'm going to die from this illness... I'm going to cope with these fears by exploring the lives of a person's loved ones after an eating-disorder-related death. It did kind of start to make sense to me, though: Gary Chalmers is a very traditionally masculine man, and I feel like the struggle of losing someone to a mental illness is something that would play with his character with more depth than simply losing her to physical illness. This, in part, came from seeing my own father (who admittedly reminds me of Gary) react so poorly to my own eating disorder: there is something very emotionally impactful about witnessing men who only have the capacity to understand mental illness as a non-physical, unmanifested ailment fight to understand why their loved one is fading away because of something that cannot be cured with surgery, or medicine, or physical therapy. Also, inpatient treatment isn't exactly cheap; so I feel like Chalmers' working an extra job to earn money for what was implied to be Rosemary's treatment checks out under my headcanon.

I haven't really thought much about the specific timeline of things, but a few months ago, I was writing a chalmskinn oneshot where the boys get drunk and wind up on Mount Springfield in the middle of the night (sadly unfinished): there's a moment where the two discuss the death of Rosemary that I think pretty much sums the details of my headcanon up:

“Doy,” sang Seymour: admittedly in slightly bad taste. "You know, you never said what it was. Oh- Hic… Let me guess. Was it, ya' know... The big C?” “No, no… Heart failure.” “What-? Wait, wait, wait… All those years ago, you said she was sick.” “She was sick, you… You… Stupid,” grumbled Gary. He collapsed backwards and next to Seymour with a resigned sigh. “She had anorexia.” “...Oh.” “Mmm… I- I paid for every single treatment I could, Seymour. Behavioural therapy, so, so many inpatient stays in the psychiatric ward, but no matter what she went through, she just kept getting worse. It was so scary- I, she- The woman I married was, she was disappearing right in front of me; a little more every day. I tried to get her to eat; I- I tried to stop her from throwing it up… God, it got physical, once: she was a small, small woman, but that day… She fought like a, a wild dog- Scraping, and kicking- Fuck, even biting, just to get herself free enough from me to vomit.” “Goodness. I- I had no idea.” “Pssht… Nobody did. She- she hid it so well, but behind closed doors,” Chalmers had to stop speaking for a moment. He swayed from side to side in silence; as if the rocking would stop the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “She was dying… Sometimes I wish it was cancer. Well- No, not cancer, just- Something physical, something that could have been cured with treatment, or a pill, or surgery, or what-fucking-ever. But nooo, it had to be a disorder that me- Stupid fucking me- That I couldn’t understand. That I couldn’t help her with… Besides paying for her treatment.”

I'm currently just over two months into recovery for anorexia, and I'm doing so much better (not to be TMI, but I definitely will not miss the gastrointestinal bleeding and incontinence, haha). Anyway, I just wanted to half-dedicate a post to talking about Rosemary; I was really socially isolated when my symptoms were at my worst, and it was headcanons and projections like this that helped me feel a bit less alone, and at the end of the day, really got me through the struggle of fighting a disorder on my lonesome. I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this, or if you personally have any similar headcanons for other fictional characters.

#the simpsons #digital art #art #retro art #pop art #angst #character analysis #headcanon #eating disoder recovery #I mention my little pony like once #original art #artists on tumblr #seymour skinner #gary chalmers #shauna chalmers #silly string pony #fanfiction #fanart #mental health #father daughter dynamics #chalmskinn #fucking pancakes #eating disorder awareness #yapping

[crmsnmth-journal]

3/16/2024 10:57 PM

I started my day by changing my eyesight to high definition. In other words, I cleaned my glasses after weeks of being too lazy to simply spray some glass cleaner and wipe them off. I don't know why I put that simple task off for so long. It's actively hurting me when my glasses are dirty, and I work in a greasy and smokey kitchen every day. My glasses get trashed fast. I'm always so happy when I finally do it, because everything suddenly is so clear. It's one of those extremely simple weird tasks I just put off for far too long.

A lady named Brenda died a few days ago. We weren't friends. In fact, we despised each other. There is no love lost, but I read her obituary. And maybe there may be no reason for me to feel grief, but reading this short little excerpt of her life that somebody cared enough to write about her, kind of humanizes her. We worked together at this high end meditation retreat run by a bunch of nuns. Yes, I worked for nuns. We worked togethor in the kitchen (of course, where else would I work) and I'm still not sure what happened. Brenda and I got into it, in full view of at least five other people. I don't even remember what we argued about, but it got heated. Enough so, that Brenda happened to forget the large chef's knife in her hand that she put in my face. Now this all took place after my time in hell (Milwaukee) and it wasn't long after the darkest period of my life. So that meant if someone put a knife in my face, my instinct is to get the knife out of my face. I was still in fight for survival and getting stabbed sucks. It's like being punched harder then you've ever been punched before. It's not something you want to do twice. So I grabbed her wrist and took the knife away and set it down on a table. Everyone in the kitchen saw this. I moved away from her and started working on whatever my original task was. And it seemed like everything got dropped. It did not. Soon, I was pulled into another room, and told by a nun that Brenda said I attacked her. Even with the other five people all telling the truth on what had happened, the nun decided Brenda was in the right and I was to be laid off without pay for two weeks. And before I knew it, my mouth spoke. And I told a nun to, and I quote "Go fuck youself, you righteous bitch." And that's the story of how I secured my place in hell. Ever since then anytime Brenda and I ran into each other, it's all middle fingers and "fuck you's." But she had a life I didn't know. And I always forget that, even about the people that I truly hate, that they have their own little worlds and their own little population of people. And those people don't see the bad things in a person. They don't see the petty problems, or the tiny infractions. I think that's something we need to really try to remember, if we're going to make it as a race. Compassion, I mean. I despised Brenda, and she had a husband, and children and friends and family who are now greiving, in the same way I've been since January. Maybe that's why I'm seeing it this way. I'm relating to the grieving. Not Brenda, cause Brenda, in my eyes, sucked.

I should go to bed, but I won't. I ended up having a somewhat creative day today and have fifteen lines and phrases to work with for a while. And I've got an idea I'm going to try and get figured out. Probably the best day I've had for coming up with stuff in a long time.

#journal #my blog #blog #life #my journal #my stuff #my post #my writing #personal #personal blog #slice of life #writing #nonfiction #inner thoughts #personal thoughts

[frosted-buns]

Ok growth fucks me up. It makes me wonder if things could have been different and better if I knew about trans being a thing and a kid. If I didn't have plans since middle school to not be here anymore. My ex girlfriend was one of the kindest and most caring people I've ever met and we broke it off with each other in the most calm and simple way because of trauma I had making me too scared to contact her outside of school in fear of bugging her and she kept forgetting to contact me too or something. I was moved to a late chance place for misfits and people who got expelled from every other school because I'd given up on school and so we weren't in contact with each other at school.

I contacted her years later around 2017 2018 I think when I realized I was trans and realized I do miss my friends after ghosting them all. I texted her old number and it still got her. We talked about a lot, I told her how I was trans and after that she was saying how happy she was for me. She offered to give me some of her old clothes saying she wasn't sure if it would fit but if it did I could have it. She mentioned knowing someone's mother I think it was, starting to teach voice training and that she could hook me up. But unmedicated adhd and depression struck and we lost contact. I got too scared to talk when I remembered but forgot to for long periods. Then when I got my shitty DoD job they wanted references to do a background check and wanted people not related to me and I literally had no one in my life. I needed someone else because I only had two old teachers I could think of so I remembered and asked her in a panic that I'd lose the job I already had if I couldn't find a third reference and I got "new phone who's this"

I realized in that moment if that was her and she was doing the ghosting phrase how selfish it was after forgetting to talk for so long, after ghosting for so long to ask that of her...

I just wonder if maybe my life would have happier and I would have broken out of this prison I'm in sooner if I knew I was trans and that trans was a thing back then, if I told her, if I didn't say I was straight and push hard that I wasn't bi/pan because I was trying to avoid more anti gay hate by other kids and knowing my parents would never approve

Editing this to add it's not that I hoped to date her again, it'd been years so she would be a different person. She was just so kind. Back in high school even before we dated she would brush her hands through my hair and pet me and say how fluffy it is. After we started dating she'd kiss my cheek and pet my head and say good girl.. She just had this aura of kindness around her yknow? Not many people have that or feel that safe to be around.

#vent #i guess its vent idk? #not that tagging matters why would anyone read it

[bisoussoiree]

RUINED .. PETER PARKER

NAVIGATION !!

warnings ! nsfw, d/s dynamics, dom-sub!peter, sub-dom!reader, enemies to lovers, slight degradation, one slap, hate sex kinda, cock slapping, oral (m & f recieving), face sitting/riding

reposted from my — now — hp blog (@dylwrites)!!

words: 3.8k

y/n sat at her lunch table, reluctantly eating the food as everyone else around her did. but, this was a daily occurrence. her, bad lunch, her best friend, gwen, and gwen's best friend.

peter parker.

y/n wasn't one to use the word "hate" lightly, but peter had been her academic rival since freshman year. it's senior year now and neither of them have gotten over it.

but at least they had their middle-man — woman — to keep them from ripping each other's hair out.

"so, christmas is close," gwen breaks the silence, as always. y/n and peter tore their eyes from their trays, locking eyes at first before focusing on gwen.

"yeah," peter nods, his tone a 'duh' tone.

"you what would be funny," gwen snickers at her idea, mainly because she knew y/n's little crush on spider-man.

but she also knew who spider-man is.

y/n hums, signaling gwen to continue. "if spider-man lit the christmas tree this year. seeing mister red and blue struggling to turn on the lights."

y/n chuckles at the mental sight, it would be a bit funny. everyone knew how naturally funny spider-man was.

y/n looks up as peter scoffs, "i don't believe he'd have trouble with a christmas tree with how many villains he's fought." y/n always found this interesting, the little jabs gwen would poke at spider-man. it always got peter riled up, and y/n loved to see him so aggravated.

"as much as i like spider-man, he'd probably need help with the simple task," y/n pipes in, shaking her head with a light smile on her face, picking at her food once more.

"you like spider-man?" peter inquires, putting his chin in his hand. finally, he thought, something new to use against you.

"who doesn't? someone who'd risk their life for their city, that's a keeper."

"a keeper, huh?" gwen joins in on the teasing, mimicking peter's pose. y/n quirks a brow at the two.

"uh, yeah?" y/n laughs, "what's with the interrogation?"

"just wondering how far this spidey crush has gotten," gwen shrugs, leaning back with a pursed lip smile.

"spidey crush?" peter asks, his voice going up an octave. y/n rolled her eyes at peter's smirk. she hated how it felt to even slightly get along with him. but thankfully for her, the bell rang, just in time to send them to their next period. the only one she had without peter.

she darted up, dumping her tray into the garbage can, almost dropping the tray itself in the process with how rushed she was. why was peter being so cocky about the spider-man thing? she knew he was going to tease her about it.

y/n sat in her living room of her apartment, thanks to dinner, dessert, and binge watching her favorite show, she'd forgotten about peter and gwen's teasing comments that had nagged her the rest o her school day.

that is, until she heard light taps on her fire escape window.

turning around, she saw a red-blue figure waving at her. stunned, she ran towards the window, flipping the latch and swinging it open, and just stared at the boy with wide eyes.

"may i come in? winter in queens isn't the most pleasant," spider-man teases, and y/n could just tell he had a shit eating grin behind that mask. still too stunned to open her mouth and speak, she moved to the side, allowing the boy to walk into her apartment.

"hm, i don't think i've ever been in your apartment before, don't see why i would anyways..." peter lets out a shot laugh at the end of his sentence, turning back towards y/n.

"i'm sorry, what?" y/n shakes her head, letting out a short laugh. she rubbed her eyes for a second to make sure she wasn't dreaming, but sure enough, when she opened them again, there the hero was. in all his glory.

"why are you here?" y/n almost shouts.

"that's one way to greet you crush," spider-man laughs, slowly walking over to her, now the two were mere inches apart.

y/n blinked rapidly, was peter really that bad at keeping secrets? that he found a way for spider-man himself to find out about her crush?

"you're delirious," y/n retorts, and attempts to walk away before a sticky web caught her jacket, and she was pulled into spider-man's arms.

"what are you—" the girl was cut off with a kiss. a kiss that was pretty intense given the fact one's mouth was covered. y/n savored the moment as reality slipped away from her, but all good moments have to end.

she pushed the boy off of her, "what the hell was that?"

spider-man laughed awkwardly, and it took everything in y/n to hold her smirk as she watched him nervously scratch the back of his neck, "is that not what you wanted..?" his question trailed off as silence filled the air.

y/n looked at him, biting her lip as she weighed her options. as unrealistic as this seemed, and how spooked she still was due to the fact spider-man himself is in her house and knows about her crush. and then, he's willing to fulfill all her fantasies.

she didn't understand why he wanted to, but her underwear was soaked by the end of her thoughts.

she heard a chuckle that caused her to look up, "i can tell it's what you want."

"what do i get in return?" y/n crosses her arms.

"well, i thought you really wanted what i'm trying to give you," the boy tilts his head, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek. "but maybe if you let me have my way with you..." he trails off, letting his hand slide from her cheek to her neck, locking his hand around it. "maybe you'll get to see who's ruined you."

y/n whined at his statement, and watched in anticipation as he lifted his mask slightly to show his lips, and he kissed her again, fiercer this time. y/n pushed further, trying to deepen the kiss. in any other situation, her hand would be knuckle deep in his hair, which was sadly, not an option.        

spider-man laughed at her desperation, separating their lips despite her whiny protests. he attached his lips to her neck, sucking and biting as harsh as he pleased.

he leaned back with a smirk, and the way he tilted his head and smirked, y/n knew he'd left marks.

"couch," he demands, unzipping his suit as y/n obeys with excitement. she sat in the middle of her sofa, watching a, now naked, spider-man walk over to her. he tuts, gripping her shirt, "i didn't think i'd have to tell you to take this off."

the harsh tone he used sounded so familiar and it drove y/n crazy. hurriedly taking off her shirt, and ridding herself of her pants, she was about to slide her underwear off when the man above her grabbed her wrist.

"that's my job," he smiles, grabbing her body like it was merely a paper ball and turning her around, throwing her back onto the couch on her back with a yelp. he smirked as he ran his hand along her bare stomach, then her thighs, down to her underwear, which he began toying with.

she gasped at the action, stirring the boy on further as he smirked. with his eyes trained on hers, in one movement he ripped the fabric off her body, tossing it somewhere else in the room.

she watched him carefully with her bottom lip between her teeth, his eyes were trained on her body though. he gripped her thighs to push them up, smiling at the way they fit in his hands perfectly.

"no noises," he instructs, pushing in as much as he could at once, smirking at the way the girl below him desperately held in her gasps. she writhed in pain and pleasure at the same time, feeling him stretch her pussy out offered an equal feeling of both.

she felt him move slightly, accompanied by his quiet grunts and groans. she fought the urge to tell him to go faster, digging her hands into the couch cushions under her.

"poor thing," he mocks, grabbing her jaw harshly before letting it go. but he followed by quickly with a slap to her cheek, inducing a whimper from her.

"what did i say?" he tilts his head, still rocking his hips with hers slowly. she heard him pant through his mask, and could see how hot it must have been getting with it on. peter repeats his statement, quickening his pace.

"not to make noise," y/n stammers out, gasping when he went deeper. a chuckle emitted from his lips and, again with his enhanced strength, he pulled out of her and flipped her over, shoving her head into the pillow. he heard her moan into the cushion as he jerked his mask off, taking in a big breath before thrusting back into her.

peter was surprised he hadn't started loosing his dominant facade of sorts. he was usually quite whiny, and obeyed. hiding under that suit helped with his witty side, but being able to take it off and fuck the girl he'd claimed to hate so long made him feel so in charge.

he bent down, grabbing her hair and yanked her head up, hearing a breathy moan leave her lips. "look at me," he sneers, biting at her neck. she looked back, meeting eyes with a very cocky peter. she gasped before her head was forced back into the couch cushions.

she hated admitting this, but she swore the revelation that peter fucking parker was spider-man, and had himself balls deep inside her almost made that tight feeling in her snap.

"bet you're getting off to this. your academic rival ruining you," peter chuckles above her, snapping his hips a few more times before the too were gasping from their orgasms.

peter flipped her back over, practically collapsing on top of her. she sighed as she ran her hands through his hair, something she thought about doing so often.

"can we do that again please?" peter asks, all trace of dominance gone in an instant. and as y/n looked into his eyes she could tell barely a thought was in his head.

she smirked, "only if i can control you this time."

you had your bottom lip between your teeth, nibbling at it as you eyed your friend. if you could call him that. from his messy hair to his glasses, to the pencil he was tapping against his textbook, it all distracted you. thanks to him sneaking through your window last week.

this wasn't supposed to happen, you were both supposed to ignore it and go back to normal. but things were different now, at least on your end. but how could anyone blame you? peter was very attractive. and what he did stuck with you. especially how he revealed the fact he was a superhero to you.

but the promise of something happening again still lingered in your head. all of this made you unable to tear your eyes away from him. at least you had your teacher to blame for pairing you up with him.

"take a picture, it'll last longer," peter quips, eyes never leaving the book. you become flustered at the overused joke, leaning back in your chair and blankly staring at your textbook.

"i don't know what you're talking about, pete. i'm studying," you retort, placing the book in your lap and keeping your eyes on it. although your focus was on the boy in front of you, now looking at you.

you repeat his snarky comment, finally looking up to see him laughing. "fine, let's take a break. seems you can't focus when i'm in here," peter smirks, closing his book and leaning towards you.

you gulp at the closeness, getting lost in his eyes. you wanted to just lean in and kiss him so bad, but the fear of him pushing you away overcame that. he never reached out to do anything again, like you expected. so maybe he regretted it.

"what can i say? you're just too cute," you giggle, leaning forward to pinch his cheeks. his face scrunches up at the action, attempting to swat your hand away to no avail.

"like a puppy or like leonardo dicaprio?" peter chuckles, grabbing both your hands to stop your movements. huh, seems you were closer than before.

"i'd say leo, but you're cuter," he just looked at you for a moment before brining your hands towards his face, leaning into your touch. another laugh left his lips before he kissed your right hand, then your left, and let them fall into his lap.

"okay, pete, calm down. if i didn't know any better i'd think you were crushing on me," you joke, a goofy smile on your face as you reach up to cup his face again, squishing his cheeks.

you stopped at his lack of response, had expecting him to snap back at you with a joke. you found yourself loosing touch of reality in his eyes, a million thoughts running through your head. but all of them were silenced when peter leaned forward and placed his lips on yours.

you were soon situated on his lap, hands tangled in his hair as your kiss was turning more heated by the minute. you felt something poke at your thigh, causing you to pull back from peter. you looked at him with confusion, but everything clicked when a very embarrassed look settled over his face.

"i'm sorry—" peter was cut off by your lips, the kiss was starting off a lot more intense this time, causing peter's erection to grow and a whine to leave his lips.

you separate from his lips, attaching yours to his neck. you smirked at his moans, grinding down on his lap. a whine traveled from his mouth to yours, the boy gripping your hips harshly.

"this is a lot different than last time," you laugh cockily, seeing the same lost look peter had at the end of that certain night. the only reason what the two of you were doing had stopped was due to various worried messages from aunt may. it sort of snapped peter back into reality, and got the boy so flustered that he rushed out the window as soon as he was re-dressed.

"aunt may won't interrupt this time, i promise," peter says, head going to your neck. he let it rest there as his hands explored your body, from your hips to your breasts.

you felt peter's lips beginning to suck on your collarbone, nibbling on the spots after he was done. your hand traveled from his back to his hair, giving it a small tug, a whine emitting from the boy's lips.

you smirked at his reaction, pulling his head from the comfort of your neck. you took in the sight of him, swollen lips, dilated pupils, and that look that was begging for you. if someone told you a few weeks ago that cocky peter parker who you'd been academic rivals with since you could remember would be putty in your hands you would have laughed in their face.

but here he is, begging to touch you. that's what drive you mad, his crave for you.

"y/n!" peter gasps, your tug a bit harsher this time. the force led you to be in control of his head, and you lifted it so he would look into your eyes. he looked embarrassed, his pretty face painted with pink.

"don't look at me like that," peter pouts, attempting to get out of your grasp to no avail. he felt so small under your gaze, like a prey facing its predator. and he hates how turned on he was getting from it.

"you don't get to tell me what to do this time, parker," you sneer, face so close to his that he could feel your breath fanning his face. it was intoxicating.

"what're you gon' do?" peter asks, looking up at you with the cutest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. peter only asked this because last time it was you who was clueless, and now that it was him, he couldn't help but be a tad scared. but it still excites him nonetheless.

"well, m'gonna suck your cock first," you shoot him a quick innocent smile, sending him back to that first night for a minute. another desperate whine left his lips at your words, the image of your wrecked figure that still managed to look so innocent and beautiful trapped in his mind.

he was stuck in that moment until he felt the cold air of his room hit his now bare cock. he whimpered at the feeling, glancing down to your eyes that were already set on his face.

his cheeks once again returned to their pink hue that seemed to come around every time you did. he sucked in a sharp breath and let his head fall back when he felt your hand wrap around him, giving his cock a few strokes.

he felt bliss in that moment, eyes screwed shut. but his moment was quickly ruined when a searing pain travel from his erection and up his body. he jerked forward, tears springing his eyes as he looked down at the culprit. you just stared back at him with that innocent smile that kills him.

"why'd you do that?" he asked, lip trembling. you didn't answer his question, you just started jerking him off once more.

he whines your name, shutting his eyes, snapping them open again when you slapped his cock for a second time.

"stop!" he cries, his head falling back.

"you know, you look pitiful," you mutter, voice merely above a whisper as you slowly dragged your hand up and down his shaft. "nothing is tying you down or forcing you through this. you like it." peter rolls his eyes at your accusation. he knew you were right, he just wasn't going to admit it.

"why do you keep slapping me?" peter asks, trying to keep his voice dominant, but failing immensely.

"because, good boys don't look away from who's helping them," you answer, licking from the base of his cock to the tip. peter was a whining mess now, squirming in his seat, trying his best to keep his eyes on yours.

you started to bob your head up and down, delicious noises escaping from the boy above you. you wanted to laugh at him, how desperately he wanted to close his eyes, shy away from you.

you slide off him with a pop, "what's wrong, pete?" you ask innocently, the look on your face similar to your voice. peter whimpered at the sight of you, your mouth so close to him while all you did was lazily jerk him off.

"i didn't say anything," peter pants, his breath quickening when you went back to the task at hand. it took everything in peter not to buck his hips up, because with your rules, he didn't know what would come to him if he did.

your pace quickened when peter warned you of his approaching orgasm, whines, moans, and groans leaving his pretty pink lips. his stomach muscles would contract every now and then. finally he came, whimpers of your name falling from his lips as if it were the only word he knew.

you kept going until he pushed you away, "no, can't take anymore..." his voice was shaky, and he repeatedly took in breaths. he looked so pretty, shaking and panting. all because of you.

"well, what am i supposed to do then?" you fake pout, tilting your head teasingly. you stand up, taking off your shit and giggling at peter's shameless gawking eyes.

peter adjusted in his seat, watching with amazement as you continued to strip in front of him. "shirt," you instruct, the boy obeying immediately.

peter thought for a second before he opened his mouth, "sit on my face." his face was red as soon as realization hit him what he just asked you.

you laughed at his suggestion, sitting on his lap. he groaned at the feeling of your pussy sliding against his cock. "y'sure?" you ask, grinding against him. peter frantically nods, the only word in his mind being you, you, you, you.

you smirk, guiding him to your bed. you threw him down before climbing on top of him. "you ready?" you ask, holding his head by by his hair, hovering over his face. he nods again, grabbing at your hips. you seem to forget he's spider-man for a moment when he pulls you down quite harshly.

you felt him groan into your pussy, the vibrations causing a moan to leave your lips. you couldn't help but move, slightly riding his face. he seemed to be enjoying it, his eyes closed, he looked peaceful. even if he was being almost suffocated.

you gripped at one of your breasts, then using one of peter's hands to replace your own. you knew he was trying to jerk himself off secretly, failing miserably, but you decided not to interrupt him. after all his mouth was so good, and he was enjoying it as much as you were. if not more.

"fuck, peter," you gasp, quickening the movement of your hips. another pleased noise from him surfaced. "such a good boy."

he whined at your praise, holding you in place. he started shaking his head, a scream leaving your lips at the feeling of coming undone. you flopped to the side of him, still breathing heavily.

"uh," peter's voice interrupts the, slightly awkward, silence. he was still red in the face. "do you maybe.. want to.."

"spit it out, pete," you lay your head in his shoulder, craning your head to look at him. he blushes even harder at the new nickname.

"do you want to go on a date?" peter's words were quick, his eyes squinted shut. you were surprised you even heard what he said.

"sure."

"wait, really?" peter looks to you, stunned. he'd had a school-boy crush on you for so long, always too scared to tell you. he thought it was too cliche, and you'd laugh in his face.

just like you were doing right now.

his face went redder, a nervous smile on his face. "of course, peter. i've liked you for a long time." peter's heart swelled at your words, nice to know you felt the same way.

"not just because i'm spider-man, right?"

"f'course not, pete," you brush his hair back, pressing a kiss to his lips. grins erupted on both of your faces, you were going on a date.

#peter parker #andrew!peter parker #andrew!peter #peter 3 #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter #peter parker x reader #andrew!peter parker x reader #andrew!peter x reader #peter 3 x reader #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #peter parker smut #andrew!peter parker smut #andrew!peter smut #peter 3 smut #tasm!peter parker smut #tasm!peter smut #peter parker fluff #andrew!peter parker fluff #andrew!peter fluff #peter 3 fluff #tasm!peter parker fluff #tasm!peter fluff #peter parker x reader smut #andrew!peter parker x reader smut #andrew!peter x reader smut #peter 3 x reader smut #tasm!peter parker x reader smut #tasm!peter x reader smut

[lacheri]

11:29 PM, 4/20

pairing: stoner!Eren and fem bodied reader

content: smoking/drugs, dumbification, finger fucking, penetration, porn without plot, minors DNI

summary: eren's been trying to fuck you for years now, and he's got a different angle to play at this time. all it takes are a few pretty words and free weed.

wc: 3.5k

notes: happy 4/20 lmfao i wrote this in two hours and i'm posting this unedited and half asleep

‘Rolling up, you sliding through?’

Your phone illuminated brightly against your face as you held your phone above you, your bed’s soft comforter brought up to your chin. You bit your lip, contemplating Eren’s invitation. Your eyes glanced to the clock in the corner of your phone screen, blinking a couple of times. ‘11:29 PM’ it read back.

‘Pleaaaase, 4/20 is almost over ):’ Eren had resorted to double texting, and you sighed, his battle easily won. You tried to believe it was fought hard, but you knew perfectly well that you were wrapped around Eren’s pretty little finger. He called, you answered. Simple as that.

‘I want a blunt all to myself for this Jaeger. I’m literally in bed right now’ you typed back quickly, clicking the off button on the side of your device, begrudgingly throwing your blanket off your body as the heat escaped. You gazed down at your attire, sweatshirt and sleep shorts bundled up to your form, and you sighed once again. Eren was going to have to accept you like this, because there was absolutely no way in Hell that you could fathom throwing on real clothes this late at night.

‘What’re you wearing? Send pics’

‘Eren I’m LITERALLY!!! On my way to your house right now’. This boy was going to be the death of you, or at least whatever brain cells you had left.

Fuzzy pink slides adorned on your feet, hair thrown up in the messiest ‘neat’ bun you could manage, you pocketed your keys and wallet. You grabbed your bookbag in the corner of your room full of paraphernalia, knowing well by now that Eren was too lazy to buy bongs or bowls, and made your way out of your home, locking the front door on your way out. You hit the unlock button on your car, throwing the bag in the passenger seat and set out for your late night journey.

It wasn’t uncommon for your best friend to hit you up so late, in fact it was Eren’s peak hours for hanging out. He never genuinely inconvenienced you, just an annoyance because every single time you got that invite text or call, your head would have just hit the pillow beneath you, sleep on the horizon. Traffic was the best at this time too, you would reason on the way there, virtually no cars on the road, turning your usual twenty minute ride into a ten minute one.

When you rolled up Eren’s driveway, you could see the dark red lights of his bedroom through the upstairs window on the front of the house. You picked your phone out of your pocket, texting a quick ‘I’m here’. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder and climbed out of your car. By the time you made it to his front door, Eren was swinging it open, a goofy smile on his face.

“Just us tonight?” you asked, referring to the lack of cars in the driveway as you glided through the entryway.

“Yeah, feeling greedy. We haven’t hung out just us in awhile,” Eren smirked, leaning back and letting his eyes travel down your spine as you slid by him. He reached and pulled the door closed, locking it quickly and following quickly behind you.

You spent most of your nights here, knowing the pathway to Eren’s room. You jogged up the stairs, oblivious to Eren’s eyes trained in on your bouncing ass in your loose fitted shorts. His bedroom door was wide open, and you navigated over clothes thrown haphazardly on his floor to his unmade bed. You bounced as you sat down, hitting the mattress with your full weight and unzipping your bag, picking out your favorite bowl. Eren lifted the corner of his mouth, clearly amused at how at home you had made yourself.

“Comfy?” he asked, a teasing tone to his voice as he joined you on the bed, rolling tray and jar of bud in hand.

“Mhm,” you hummed, eyeing Eren’s hands as they set quickly to work. His grinder sat on the bed behind him, and after picking out a few clusters of green from the jar, he reached behind him and popped the top off, going through the motions of getting prepped for the smoke session. “What’d you do today?”

Eren shot you a dumb founded look, “It’s 4/20, what do you think I’ve been doing all day?”

You rolled your eyes, throwing your hands up in surrender, “Just making a joke, asshole.”

He chuckled, extending his hand out so you could pass him your bowl, packing it not long after. Eren looked around his mattress for a lighter, eyebrows drawn together as he couldn’t find one. You smirked then, extending the black lighter you had packed in your bag, and Eren smiled gratefully. He flicked the lighter once it was in his possession, pointer finger resting over the choke as he placed the pipe to his lips, inhaling deeply as the fresh green turned to ash. He lifted his long finger off the choke hole, removing the pipe as he held the smoke in for a few seconds, eyes instantly glazing as he exhaled.

Eren was one of those smokers that the second he had a hit of weed, it was written all over his face that he was high, even if he wasn’t. When Eren picked up the habit in highschool, his parents knew instantly what the boy had been doing during his “study sessions” with his friends. Now that he was an adult and moved out of his childhood home, Eren was pretty free in his indulgences, no longer carrying around eye drops to try and help him appear as innocent as possible.

After his second hit, Eren passed you back your bowl and lighter, coughing lightly as he exhaled, “What about you? What’d you do today?”

“Not much, spent all day watching documentaries and smoking my vape,” you laughed lightly, positioning the pipe to your own lips.

Eren’s eyes drank in the sight of your pretty plump lips as they wrapped around the tip of the pipe, fingers copying his as you bent your finger over the choke. The lighter ignited after a single flick, warm colored flames illuminating your face. It was like Eren was watching you in slow motion, but it was always like that with you, even when he wasn’t high. He could see the fire in your eyes as they focused downwards to your actions, and Eren felt his mouth go dry. You pulled the bowl away, making eye contact with him as the smoke exited your lips, licking your face as it traveled towards the ceiling on your exhale.

The two of you made small talk as you passed the bowl back and forth, Eren making a face once the bud was dead. He packed another bowl, repeating the rotation until that one was dead. The two of you thoroughly fried, he put the pipe on his bedside table and leaned his back against the wall by his bed. You mirrored him, resting your head on his broad shoulder as the two of you enjoyed each other’s company.

“We should make edibles this weekend,” you suggested, fingers playing with the drawstring of your hoodie. “Maybe invite the group over and get zooted and play a game or something.”

“Zooted?” Eren snorted. “I haven’t heard that word in years, grandma.”

You shot Eren a glare, which he began to laugh at, “I’m hip, okay? Zooted is making a comeback.”

“Stop trying to fit in with the youth, Myrtle,” he teased, wrapping his arm around your waist to tuck you into his side. “Man, if I was only 50 years older.”

You lightly elbowed his side, “You wish you could bag 70 year old me. I’m a fucking catch.”

“I wish I could bag you period,” Eren confessed, probably for the hundredth time of you knowing him. “How come you’ve never let me take you out?”

“Because, you’d just fuck and dump me and then I wouldn’t have a plug anymore,” you pouted, purposefully snuggling in closer.

“Is that what you really think?” he asked seriously, positioning his neck to the side so he could look down at you.

You looked up, centimeters apart from his face, “That’s what you did with all the other girls.”

“But you’re my best friend,” Eren frowned, taking his hand and pushing your hair behind your ear. “I wouldn't do that to you.”

“Don’t know if I wanna’ really find that out,” you smiled sadly.

“C’mon, let me prove it to you,” Eren licked his lips. “Fuck me, right now, and I’ll take you out tomorrow.”

You felt a pulse in your pussy suddenly, gulping spit down as you broke the eye contact, “I don’t know ‘Ren. We’ve been friends since highschool, what if it makes things weird?”

“You can’t look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you’ve never thought about it, about us,” his voice was a hare above a whisper. “Because I think about it all the time. ‘Is why I hit you up all the time, I like you stupid, I always have.”

This confession was so different from all the other ones. Eren was practically begging to let him in between your legs on a weekly basis, ever since you had met him. Never once had he been this honest though, so genuine sounding about his feelings. He had a point as well, you thought about being with him all the time. You were always at his house or going out somewhere together, you spent all your free time with him, of course you would have feelings for Eren.

“If,” you started, your eyes blinking rapidly as you returned your gaze to his red ones. “I say yes, and things are weird after, we’re going to pretend like this never happened and we go back to being friends.”

“Deal.”

Eren’s lips crashed into your’s, any and all hesitation rolling off your body as you eagerly returned his kiss. His other arm circled you, bringing you in somehow even closer to him as your hands grabbed both of his cheeks, feeling the flex of his jaw as you smashed your lips together. Eren’s hand traveled under the hem of your sweatshirt to the small of your back, guiding you to sit in his lap. Legs on either side of his hips, your tongues slipped through the both of your lips, meeting in the middle.

Maybe it was the high, maybe it was Eren, but the throbbing in your cunt only expanded as Eren smoothed his hands all over the middle of your torso. They traveled up to the swell of your breasts, free from a bra, cupping both tits in his large hands. His thumbs slid and teased your nipples, hardening instantly under his touch. You arched your back, pushing your chest into his palms even more, your hips flicking as he tweaked your nipples between his fingers.

You both moaned into each other’s mouths at the roll of your hips, feeling Eren’s dick harden fast underneath your clothed center. Eren had been wearing a pair of thin grey sweatpants, leaving not much to the imagination while he was in this state. You felt his lips scrape against your bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently. He released it, a string of saliva linking to the two of you together.

“I’ve been imagining this for forever,” Eren’s eyes were glazed and deep red when you met his gaze. “I just never thought this would happen.”

“I’ve been wanting you too,” you admitted, your dirty little secret exposed.

He smirked at your confession, hands still toying with your breasts. Silencing you once more with his passionate kiss, he moved his hands downwards and to your back until he met the waistband of your shorts. He easily slid under the hem, gripping your ass in his palms, kneading and spreading you apart. You felt your pussy flutter, the indirect contact sending you into a deep pit of arousal, your senses heightened greatly.

It was like Eren could read your mind, and his fingers traveled to your spread cunt over his lap, running a finger over your slit over your panties. You whined, pressing your hips down to achieve a greater pressure from his hand, in turn allowing your wetness to seep through the cotton of your panties. Eren chuckled against your lips, reading your body language loud and clear. He pushed the fabric aside, allowing his knuckles to brush directly into your folds. You moaned into his mouth as he spread your arousal around your vulva. When his thumb bumped against your clit, you felt your patience snap entirely.

“‘Ren, need your fingers, now,” you panted, eyes half lidded as his kiss traveled to the underside of your jaw.

“You got it, baby girl,” he hummed into your skin. There was no resistance as he pushed his middle finger into your opening. “Fuck, you’re fucking soaked. This all for me?”

You couldn’t find your voice, nodding and whining out as he pumped his single digit into your pussy. His touch was slow, deliberate, trying to memorize every single ridge and flutter of your walls as you pulsed around him. Eren’s mouth was dry, dick hard and throbbing, completely lost in the feeling of you sucking his finger in deeper. He couldn’t comprehend the fact that his cock would be replacing his fingers soon, finally fucking you like he had imagined for years now.

His middle finger dared to pull out, and you let out a desperate whine, thinking that was his plan. You gasped in relief and pleasure as his ring finger pushed past your entrance, clenching tightly on his fingers. Eren found solace in this, perceiving your flutters as permission to go finger fuck you at an ungodly pace. He positioned his wrist as a more comfortable angle, and his fingers pumped inside of you at the speed of light.

Your eyebrows came together, mouth hanging open as you squeaked and whined, Eren’s other hand finding purchase on your jaw. He squeezed your cheeks together lightly, forcing your lips to pout as he maintained direct eye contact with you. His own lips hung open, and you could see your reflection in his blown out pupils. It only enticed you more, you looked heavenly. Eren couldn’t have worded it before himself if you had verbalized this, whole heartedly agreeing with you.

“You’re so tight,” Eren groaned out, his hand leaving your chin and slipping two fingers in between your lips. “Suck, baby.”

You did as you were told, Eren’s fingers slowing to fuck up into roughly, hitting your sweet spot over and over. Your tongue circled around his knuckles, lips vibrating on his fingers as your moans were silenced. Eren was thoroughly enjoying himself, seeing you completely under his control like this. You were putty in the palm of his hands, literally.

He slid his fingers out of your cunt so suddenly, feeling the gush of your arousal against your inner thighs as his hand left your shorts. His other hand fell out of your mouth, moving back to your jaw as you felt the wetness of your spit spread across your face. Eren brought the hand he was fucking you with to his own mouth, and you were practically drooling at the sight of him sucking your pussy juices off of his fingers.

“Delicious,” he cooed after he pulled them from his lips. “Just like I always imagined.”

You took this as your opportunity to remove some of your clothing. You tugged your hoodie over your head, tossing it on the floor. Eren followed suit, removing his own white t-shirt and reattaching his lips to yours. You tasted hints of yourself, not at all repulsed, in fact the exact opposite. You tasted sweet, tart but sweet.

You pushed yourself away from Eren, scooting off his lap in order to tear off your shorts and panties. Eren mirrored you, almost ripping his pants and boxers off as he slid them past his thighs and ankles to the floor. He remained in his seated position, eyes swirling and fingers twitching at his sides as he watched your crawl back to him. You placed a sloppy kiss to his lips before turning your body around, placing your feet on the mattress on either side of his lap. Sat in a full crouch now, you grabbed Eren’s cock, pumping him a few times with both of your hands in a screw motion. He moaned from behind you, his own hands gripping your ass cheeks to support your frame.

You guided Eren to your hovering pussy, teasing your clit, soaking him in your dripping heat. He cursed underneath you, his right hand moving to your hip as you lowered yourself on his length. Eren groaned loudly as the feelings of satisfaction and relief flowed through his body, his own heightened senses taking over. You moved to rest on your knees when you felt Eren bottom out inside of you, a string of moans and whimpers leaving your lips. You arched your back and Eren leaned back more, eyes stationed on your beautiful round ass.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he ran a hand up to the back of your head, untangling your messy bun so your hair fell free down your back. “C’mon baby, bounce on my dick.”

You lifted your hips, slamming down to his pelvis urgently. It was so overwhelming, the feeling of his cock filling you to the brim making your brain empty. Your eyes screwed shut, mouth hanging open dumbly as drool coated the swell of your lips. You bounced again, and Eren yanked your hair back as he watched your pussy stretch around him, close to snapping and drilling into you as he saw the creamy ring form around his base. You were a moaning mess, unable to think clearly as your body took over. Pushing all your weight into your knees and palms resting on Eren’s thighs, you fastened your pace, ass bouncing every time Eren’s fat tip brushed up against your cervix.

You felt the sharp sting on your cheek and heard the resounding slap of his hand on your right cheek, tears springing to your eyes, “Fuck, Eren, you feel so good.”

Taking your hips into his strong hands, Eren was finally at his brink as he thrusted hard up into. You yelped, letting yourself go limp as he slammed into your cunt at a dangerous pace. He was in full control now, fucking you into a stupor.

Your hand left it’s home of his thigh, traveling to your aching center to rub your clit. Eren’s position was perfect, rubbing the underside of his shaft against your g-spot. When you opened your eyes, you could see his toes curling, legs flexing and twitching. He wasn’t going to last long, your pussy putting him under a spell. You circled your clit with your pointer and middle fingers, throat raw from all the noises escaping you. All you felt was Eren, all you could hear was Eren, he was filling your entire being up, replacing any and all thoughts they may have lingered in your brain.

“Gonna’ cum,” you whined, fingers moving even faster.

“I’m so fucking close, fucking cum baby,” Eren growled, thrusts desperate and becoming irregular.

You stilled above him, a breathless scream heaving from your throat as you gushed around him. Your pussy clenched so tight, and Eren couldn’t hold back. Because as empty as your brain was, Eren was in the exact same state as he shot his thick load into you, filling your tight cunt up with his cum. You milked his cock, walls convulsing in your mind blowing orgasm. Black spots appeared in your vision when you realized you had forgotten to breathe, you took a deep gasp of air.

You were a panting, sweaty mess hovering over him. Eren was in awe, watching beads of his white seed leak out of your center. He’d worry about the consequences when his brain could comprehend what had just happened, but for now, the deep primal urge of filling you up was sedated. Eren didn’t think he could’ve imagined fucking you for the first time any better than this. And when you finally lifted your hips to release him, he felt a wave of sadness, your beautiful pussy no longer surrounding him.

“Did you, oh my God, Eren,” you lifted your hand in front of you, seeing the creamy white of his cum smeared on your fingers. “You came inside of me?”

“Sorry, baby,” he caught his breath as you turned your head over your shoulder to glare at him. “I’ll buy you Plan B in the morning, promise.”

“I’m on the pill, but still,” you huffed, letting the anger leave you as you realized Eren would take responsibility. “You didn’t know that.”

Eren laughed without humor, “Oh well, at least I know for next time. Now c’mere, wanna’ hold you while I roll a blunt.”

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

#eren jaeger #eren smut #eren x reader #attack on titan #eren fanfiction #stoner eren #tw: weed #eren yaeger #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin eren #shingeki no kyojin

[siriusmydeer]

breakup with your girlfriend, i’m bored.

james potter x fem!reader, platonic!remus lupin x reader, james potter x lily evans

summary: james’ journey onto finding love; just not with you.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: unrequited love, angst, swearing, crying, mentions of food, self doubt/insecurity, pining, mentions of murder, mentions of marriage and kids

— 0:00

‘You got me some type of way

Ain't used to feelin' this way

I do not know what to say

“so, mates, i think m’finally getting somewhere with lils!” the tone of excitement thickly lacing the bespectacled boys words. “m’sure of it.” he continued, a bit of confusion in his words but still the same amount of excitement as before.

his brows were furrowed and he picked at the skin of his fingernails trying to relieve himself, further wringing his hands a few times before looking at his friends for their input.

“m’so— m’so happy for you, prongs. really, that’s great.” your voice faltering as you continued to speak, trying to scoundrel up a tone of excitement that would’ve played off well enough. instead all you were feeling stone cold truth of dejection.

But I know I shouldn't think about it

Took one fuckin' look at your face

Now I wanna know how you taste

Usually don't give it away

But you know I'm out here thinkin' 'bout it’

a fake smile plastered your face, trying to push back the tears that wanted to desperately prick at your eyes. you tried to further block them from escaping your waterline as you hear the boy jabber close to every single day about the red head he had been continuously fawning over.

the day went subsequently normal; potions, transfiguration, break period, plan pranks and dinner. but unfortunately for you, you didn’t have the privilege to share a messy dormitory with the four other boys leaving their conversations and discussions open about you and more your feelings.

“d’you think y/n was a bit off today?” peter asked abruptly from the place he sat on the oak wood floor, catching the attention of the three other boys who were seated on their separate twin beds. furthering to retain all memories of you from that day attempting to identify where you might’ve seemed ‘off.’

‘Then I realize she's right there

And I'm at home like, "Damn, this ain't fair"

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

“maybe a lunch a bit, she looked a little melancholy, i guess.” sirius answered this time, recalling the memory of you speaking in a very disconsolate tone. “y’think it’s anything major, or just stress?” he questioned again, beginning to worry about his close friend.

“dunno, i don’t think so.” the lycanthrope added to the conversation. he recalled james’ new confession about the red headed girl, and your extremely unhappy expressions following; of course noticing a bit at the time when it was occurring but just assuming you had a bad day with evan rosier pestering you for a date.

maybe... maybe she— but they’re best friends? his thoughts were extremely close to scrambled, remus was an observer, he was clever and sharp-witted; but this, he couldn’t figure out.

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right

“oi, y/n!” a deep voice called in the distance, putting your light jog to a stop in the middle of the courtyard leaving you to stand in the grass. swiftly turning around you were met with the taller fawn-haired boy, who looked tremendously determined.

“i’ve, uh, ‘ve got to ask you something, and it may seem foolish, but i think i just still ask you.” his voice hurried like his panting breaths from running across the school to find you, asking around the library and your dorm mates.

“yeah, moons, sure, anything.” affirming the boy who looked a bit confused, and worried but you didn’t know if it was for his sake or yours.

he grabbed your wrist in his palm pulling you on the prickly grass over to someone more private like to speak with you. “d’you— d’you like prongs? more than friendly...” the boy sputtered, further acknowledging your blown eyes like someone had just committed murder in-front of you.

But I don't care

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored’

“i— uhm, well, that’s a bit— why d’you think— remus, what the fuck!” your words taking a halt every few seconds with a recurrent sputter trying to figure out where the question had even came from, or how he even knew.

“i saw— i saw the way you acted at lunch the other day. i jus’ wanted to know if it’s true.” he asserted, no present lingering touches of judgement in his tone.

remus knew what it was like to be judged, so whenever you had the urge to jabber out all of your problems he was the boy you had always ran too first. knowingly, or not. but he felt particularly disappointed in himself that you hadn’t trusted him with this potential secret.

‘This shit always happen to me (Yeah)

Why can't we just play for keeps?

Practically on my knees

“yeah— i do.” you admitted with a breath, guilt taking a pang at your heart. and anger taking a swig at your brain; how could you be so fucking stupid.

“remus, but you can’t— you can’t tell him, or anything.” your tone was hushed, and only meant for remus’ ears. feeling a tinge of embarrassment warm onto your cheeks, knowing someone you loved clearly didn’t reciprocate those feelings.

“i swear, i won’t. but m’here for you, i don’t want you feeling like you can’t tell me anything.” his words soft, and his tone genuine. why couldn’t you have fallen for someone like him? but instead, you crush on someone who was in love with someone else.

But I know I shouldn't think about it

You know what you're doin' to me

You're singin' my songs in the streets, yeah, yeah

Actin' all innocent, please

“c’mon, y/n.” he beckoned you to follow him, resting his arm on the curvature of your shoulder feeling his side press against your smaller one and guiding you to transfiguration with him.

why? why did you have to be so damn foolish? because it was her, with her beautiful red locks, her perfect maroon lipstick, her exceedingly amazing grades, her ability to be silly for a moment and loosen up. why couldn’t you be her? why couldn’t you have what she has.

it’s because it’s simple; you weren’t lily evans and you were never going to be.

When I know you out here thinkin' 'bout it

Then you realize she's right there

And you're at home like, "Damn, she can't compare"’

“guys! guys! she said yes!” james announced whilst scuttling across the mahogany floor of the common room. his actions at a halt flopping his body over the scarlet-red couch and a grin on his lips.

“who said what?” sirius muttered, glancing up from the map for a moment before looking back down in ascertainment.

“lily-pad! i asked her on a date and she was like, ‘yeah, fine, potter. but if you’re late i’ll kill you.’ just like that!” he pretended to play out the conversation for a moment, his thrilled movements and inflection almost animated from how happy he felt.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right’

remus briefly glanced at you, concern swirling in his hazel irises, meanwhile, your eyes widened for a moment. you plastered yet another fake grin onto your lips, about to congratulate your crush on winning a date with his all time infatuation.

“prongs! oh my merlin, that’s amazing, i’m so happy for you!” putting on the best impression of exhilaration for your best friend, the act only remus could piece together and break apart.

“no way! prongs, mate, i knew you could do it!” sirius spoke, his tone fein for his best friend who had been in a pinning coma for the last few years.

‘But I don't care

Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend’

the boys continued to congratulate the boy, remus only giving him a nod and a smile. the marauders paying no mind to it and instead james merrily talking about the red head; his red head.

you weren’t his, and you never would be.

yet another realization struck you, the urge and need to move on present in your nervous system almost begging you to find someone else and to hide away from all the pain that could swallow you whole.

‘With your girlfriend

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend

You could say I'm hatin' if you want to

But I only hate on her 'cause I want you’

you were now sat on the smooth ivory bedding that perfectly hugged your bed, remus’ body right beside yours. except you weren’t comfortable, you wanted to cry a valley of tears that could’ve lasted a life time.

“why is it her? why couldn’t he want me, am i not enough?” you spoke through broken sobs, feeling remus’ agile hands rub up and down the column of your back.

“you’re enough, y/n/n. he’s a bloody git for not seeing that.” remus spoke, sponging a kiss on your hairline. he felt the wet tears graze his shoulder, slightly contracting at the cold feeling but paying no mind to them as he comforted you.

‘Say I'm trippin' if you feel like

But you without me ain't right

You could call me crazy 'cause I want you

And I never even ever fuckin' met you

Say I'm trippin' and it ain't right

But you without me ain't nice’

“m’the bloody git! i fell in love with m’best friend who’s in love with someone else! next thing you know i’m accidentally setting dumbledores beard on fire, and accidentally spawning voldemort for christ’s sake!” your words mumbled and obstruct from the tears that had over come you.

you whipped your face free from tears for a moment, basically scrubbing the black colour of your mascara down your cheeks. “you’re not alone, you know? m’right here.” his tone, yet again, sincere.

you felt undeserving of his coddling, that your messy puppy love was so little compared to his issues. “i can tell your belittling your problems right now, you’re aloud to be upset.” he whispered, trying to assure you all he could, whilst disrupting you from your senile thoughts.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

You could hit it in the mornin'

Yeah, yeah, like it's yours

I know it ain't right

But I don't care’

“merlin, she’s fantastic.” the brunette finished his third speech of the day on how ‘amazing’ lily is. yeah as if him pining after her wasnt enough, then what the hell was this?

the devil poking at you for cheating on your herbology test in first year, the time you accidentally tripped peter when rushing to potions, maybe it was the time you put belching power in sirius’ drink everyday for a week because he said you had a flat arse?

what the hell did you do to deserve this incessant torture that had been inflicted upon you. we’re you being dramatic? probably. but the boy you were quite literally in love with could not stop talking about how he wanted to ask another female to be with him, companionship, life, marriage, children. he wanted everything with her.

‘Break up with your girlfriend

Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored

With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, baby, girlfriend

With your girlfriend’

but then again it was also extremely simple.

he just simply didn’t want you.

he wanted lily fucking evans.

‘With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend

With your girlfriend’

taglist: @fathermarty @kittykylax @terr0rizer @aspiringsloth20 @maddoxsmythologicalmind @amourtentiaa @dear-luna @famdomhideout @hufflepogue

if your username is crossed out that means you gave me the wrong username or your settings for public display tags are off!

#james potter one shot #james potter fluff #james potter fic #james potter fanfiction #james potter x oc #james potter x you #james potter #james potter x y/n #james potter x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x reader #lily evans x james potter

[angel-riki]

Dazed & Dreaming {Ch. 1}

summary: Y/N's life was always quite normal, some may even consider it boring. However, Y/N enjoyed her simple life and the little pleasures it brought. Unfortunately, that all changed the day she found out her best friend's biggest secret. Her discovery leads her down a rabbit hole of a new and confusing world she never knew existed. She must now navigate this new life filled with love, fear, and the supernatural. What awaits her down this path?

pairing: enhypen x reader (vampire au)

warnings: light swearing

word count: 1,435

chapters: [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4]

~~~~~~~~~~

The brisk autumn air pricked at your cheeks, making you shiver as you clutched your coat tighter around your body. You picked up your pace as your shoes tapped lightly against the pavement. Walking to school was nice this time of year, you loved the autumn scenery which was full of rich colors and leaves dancing in the wind. Winter on the other hand, was another story. It was also quite pretty, yet much more inconvenient and impractical. However, right now it was a pleasant walk.

Before you know it, you're at the entrance of your school, trudging up the stairs. Oh how you longed to be back in your warm, soft bed, asleep. You begrudgingly continued on your way when you heard a familiar voice ring out,

"Y/N! Wait up!"

You recognize the voice without even needing to turn around, it was Jake. Jake had been your best friend since he had moved here from Australia way back in middle school. He meant the world to you. You've grown so close over the years, he practically knows everything about you at this point. And you know all about him as well. You smiled and waved at the cheerful boy as he jogged to catch up with you. Slightly out of breath and with flushed cheeks, he greeted you,

"Good morninggg!" He drew out the last syllable with a dorky grin on his face. You giggled, he was always so cute without even trying.

"Good morning," you replied, happily.

"Kind of chilly this morning, huh? Did you walk to school again?" He asked.

"Yeah, I did. I always walk to school, you know that," you chuckled at his silly question.

"You knowww," he began,

Oh boy here we go, you thought.

"Heeseung would totally give you a ride to school if you'd like," he stated. Jake had made this offer to you a few times, however, you always declined. Heeseung was a close friend of Jake's yet he was merely an acquaintance to you at best, you would feel bad having him drive you around. Especially since he already gave Jake rides every morning.

Also not to mention, you found Heeseung incredibly attractive and you don't think your heart could handle that...

"No that's okay, I wouldn't want to impose," you politely declined like always. Jake sighed. You were always so considerate, almost to a fault.

"Y/N, Heeseung totally wouldn't mind, he isn't like that, you know." He smiled, trying to convince you to accept the offer. Especially, knowing that winter was just around the corner.

"I know...I just would rather not," you said trying to escape the topic as your cheeks began to heat up. Jake sighed defeatedly and decided to let it go as you both continued your way into the building.

*****

The end of the day couldn't come soon enough as you headed towards your final class; physics. Yay. You've always hated physics and although you were a straight A student, your grades suffered in that class. Thankfully, Jake was quite good at physics and was always happy to help. Over time, he basically became your tutor. You scanned the front board to see what the topic of the lesson was today. Like usual, you couldn't make sense of any of it. God, I wish I had Jake's brain, you thought to yourself.

As much as you tried not to, you ended up tuning out the teacher and his lecture as your mind wandered to anything but physics. Before you knew it, class was over and students began gathering their books and shuffling out of the classroom. Shit. I didn't pay attention to any of that. You mentally kicked yourself for slacking off. Well, at least the school day is over. You headed back to your locker where you saw Jake waiting for you.

"Hey Y/N, how was physics? I know it's your favorite class," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up," you slapped him playfully on the arm, "I actually totally zoned out the whole period. Therefore, I'm lost and you really have your work cut out for you as my tutor," you retorted.

He laughed and shook his head, "Y/N, you're killing me!" He said while jokingly clutching his chest in imaginary pain.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I should honestly be paying you at this point," you laughed.

"Nah don't worry about it, I'm happy to help," he said. Gosh he's so sweet, you thought. Sometimes you felt like you didn't deserve him. But if you ever dared to say that out loud, you know you would receive an immediate rebuttal from him. Because that's just how Jake is.

*****

*BZZZ* *BZZZ* * BZZZ*

You rolled over and groaned. Ughhh, it's already time to get up? You had stayed up later than usual the night before. You had been facetiming with Jake as he tried to explain your physics homework to you. Unfortunately, it took you quite a while to understand it since you hadn't paid attention in class earlier that day.

Just 5 more minutes...you thought as you lazily snoozed your alarm.

*****

Your eyes fluttered open as you awoke for the second time. Hm, that's weird. Why didn't my alarm go off yet? You grabbed your phone to check the time. You squinted as your eyes adjusted to the bright screen. Oh shit. You had overslept for 45 minutes. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. You mentally cursed at yourself as you scrambled to get ready in half the time you usually do. You frantically threw on your school uniform and hurried to the bathroom to brush you teeth. You gasped as you saw your reflection. You had the worst bed head you had EVER seen. Just my luck. You quickly threw your hair up into a half updo. Guess I'm going for the messy look today. You hurried downstairs and grabbed a granola bar on your way out. You headed down your driveway only to see a car parked on the side of the road right in front of your house. You were a bit confused but as you got closer you were met with two familiar faces. Oh no. This is Heeseung's car. Your stomach did a backflip. Heeseung smiled and gave a small wave as Jake greeted you from the passenger seat,

"Hey, Y/N! Sorry for the surprise, I knew you would never accept the ride but the weather's getting colder and I don't want you to get sick," Jake rambled.

"Jake told me that you walk to school every morning, but I don't mind giving you a ride, it's no problem at all," Heeseung added with a kind smile.

You appreciated the kind gesture, however, you were mortified. Here you were, looking like the hottest mess of the century in front of the hottest boy of the century. This can't be happening. Of all days, why today?!

You smiled meekly, "Wow, uh, thank you that's very kind of you! I guess I'll take you up on that offer since you already went out of your way to come here," you said apologetically. The two boys smiled at you as you opened the car door and climbed into the back seat.

*****

So far, the ride had been fairly quiet until Jake suddenly broke the silence,

"Y/N, did you do something different with your hair?" Jake asked as he turned around to face you.

God, why did he have to bring that up??

"Uh, yeah, I actually woke up late and my hair was a mess so I just tried to make the best of it," you laughed nervously.

"Ohh, well it looks nice!" he complimented.

"Yeah, you look cute." Heeseung added with his eyes still on the road.

You froze. Your brain began malfunctioning as you tried to compute what Heeseung just said. He called me cute. You chuckled anxiously as you felt your cheeks burning up.

"Thank you," you said shyly.

Jake had noticed your abrupt change in body language, which confused him. But then, it all clicked. Oh...She has a crush on Heeseung. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed it sooner. He grinned to himself, amused by his realization. Suddenly, it made sense why you never accepted a ride.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hi, guys! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I know it was a bit slow, but once the introductory part is out of the way, hopefully things will pick up the pace. Regardless, thank you for reading! I am also uploading this series on wattpad, so if you’d like to support it over there, that would mean a lot! I'm hoping to publish new chapters a couple times a week so keep your eyes peeled hehehe

~Elle <3

#kpop #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #kpop writing #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen vampire #vampire au #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jake #enhypen jay #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen jungwon #enhypen niki #heeseung #sunghoon #jungwon #sunoo #niki #jay #jake #heeseung x reader #sunghoon x reader #jungwon x reader #sunoo x reader #niki x reader #jay x reader #jake x reader

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #ficswithluv #jungkook enemies to lovers #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #bts fic #jungkook roommate au #jungkook fantasy au #jungkook e2l #jungkook friends to lovers #jungkook soulmate #jungkook soulmate au #your eyes tell #jungkook your eyes tell #jungkook sugar baby au #jeon jungkook

[neonnoir-ao3]

Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

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I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

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Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

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(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

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What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

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With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

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Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

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Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

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Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

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I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

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💙

#tall vampire lady #lady alcina #lady dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #castle dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #dimitrescu daughters #dimitrescu family #dimitrescu sisters #cassandra dimitrescu #countess dimitrescu #house dimitrescu #resident evil #re: village #resident evil village #resident evil: village

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 28 - This Ain't No Hymn

Masterlist; Chapter 27

Summary: Time is running until Stalsk-12 and whatever awaits you there. You and Neil try to make the best out of what you have left.

Warnings: 18+ (implied and not so implied content); teasing; swearing.

Author's Notes: Gosh that was a long month... and I'm sorry it took ages. But it's here...! And it's over 14k for which I am terribly sorry. This one is my final stall before we kick off the action and I do hope you'll enjoy the absolute crackheadery of whatever goes on. Feedback greatly appreciated, as always!

During the final two days leading up to the battle, you did wonder how life can be at once so wonderful and yet terrifying. It was easy to get used to the new reality, letting Neil stay in your cabin for most of the time and only use his own for those brief periods when he would need a change of clothes. Or when you would be busy dealing with the assigned tasks, and he would get bored (as he proclaimed). Still, there was barely a time when you were not together.

Mornings were undeniably something else. As the remains of Morpheus’ spell wore off, you snuggled the duvet closer to your chest, relishing in the warmth provided by the blanket and the man sleeping beside you. One last heavy sigh before you opened your eyes, squinting in the bright light falling through the porthole. The sun rays aiming directly at your face, causing you to turn onto the side and face Neil. Despite the numerous mornings spent like this, the sight of him never got old. Your eyes slowly swept over his features. The relaxed brow, blonde hair falling over the forehead in complete disarray. Lips slightly parted, letting out quiet snores. You grinned, overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Because this was worth all the heartache and drama. Absolutely priceless.

Scooting a little bit closer, you felt his hand instinctively tighten over your waist. The hold, which has been placed the previous evening, not shifting throughout the whole night. Keeping you secured and warm. Just as if you were always supposed to end up like this. And perhaps you were. Gently, you reached out to brush your fingertips over his temple. Tentative touch making his breath even out, waking him in the process. Using the momentum, you swept the hair away from his eyes, ending the caress by running the pad of your thumb over his nose and mouth. If only because he was within your grasp.

Neil opened his eyes then, blinking twice to get used to the brightness. You watched as he took in the surroundings, consciousness needing few seconds longer to catch up. Once his eyes landed on you, his lips curled into a soft smile. Gaze immediately showing you nothing but affection. You mirrored his expression, letting yourself extend the staring. It was easy to waste the morning just doing that, gazing into each other’s eyes, getting used to the unbelievable luck. The comfortable silence stretched for a few minutes when Neil grinned and pulled you closer, hiding his head in the crook of your neck and inhaling the scent with reverence. The happy giggle rose in your throat, tinting the words with breathlessness:

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” the nickname coming out of nowhere, yet fitting too well.

You could feel Neil’s smile widen. Cradling you close, he kissed your collarbone and slipped his hands underneath the shirt to caress the skin. It was always like this, slow and blissful, with every minute spent cuddling reminding you why loving him was something essential.

“I should be annoyed at you for waking me up,” the pretended sulking accentuated with a huff let out by Neil.

Still, his hold over your waist tightened. Another kiss laid on the collarbone, teeth lightly grazing over your skin. At this point, hickeys were just another thing that had to be accepted. With the military fashion aboard the icebreaker depending largely on pullovers and combat trousers, you did not need much to hide them. Now, feeling the sleepiness gradually make way for other emotions, you wound your arms around his middle, tangling more to prolong the contentment.

“What’s the but there?” dropping the cheeky question, you made sure to press a kiss to the top of his head.

Taking a moment to drag your fingers through his hair, arranging the eternal mess someway, a job you took on most days now. It was only a pleasure, making sure he looked presentable and yet still like his chaotic self.

“But… this way I can spend few more minutes like this” another blissful sigh, “And this is rather nice,” the adjective complemented with a final trail of kisses down your neck.

Using the loose cut of the t-shirt, Neil ended the study with a longer caress on your bare shoulder. Earning a gasp from you. And then, to sober up, you remarked:

“I love it when you become this incomprehensible in the mornings,” another tactical distraction in the form of tracing your fingertips down his forearm.

His cluelessness first thing after waking up was endearing. Despite always being rather dependent on touch and closeness, it was in those hours when he tended to seek comfort. As opposed to your evening need of hugs and cuddles, helping your anxious brain settle in for the night. It worked. Very much so.

“Very funny” Neil raised his head, joining you on the pillow, “You’re quite gorgeous, did you know that?” eyes showing you the unimaginable extent of infatuation.

You grinned, the charm never failing to get to you. In moments like this, it was easy to believe him. To accept the fact that he was in love with you. Exactly as you are.

“You might’ve mentioned it once or twice. I’m not convinced though” sensing the potential in this line of conversation, you made sure to put up the act.

It worked if judging by the way his eyes lit up with the familiar glimmer. As if that was the needed push for him. The wake-up call.

“I’ll convince you then,” a predatory smirk reminding you of the defeat.

There was no point in fighting him. With excitement fluttering in the pit of your stomach, you watched as he shifted to hover over you. Hands settling comfortably on your waist. One last wink before he leaned down, crashing his mouth into yours with hunger. Your hands ventured up his arms to enlace on the nape of his neck, offering leverage. To pull him down as you deepened the kiss. Easily letting his tongue brush against yours in the intimate moves. Every glide of his lips against yours resulting in flickering fire, electrical sparks trailing down your veins. Muffled sighs and gasps breaking the silence. It was never something effortlessly brushed off. Each kiss sharpening the need and affirming the convictions. Unforgettable.

You broke off the contact only once it felt like you both would suffocate if letting it continue. With a permanent grin, you watched as Neil flopped back on the pillow and took a greedy breath, hand taking yours instinctively and lacing up the fingers to extend the touch. After a few seconds of the recovery period, you decided to pick up on the playful strand once more. For good measure. Raising on the elbow, you glanced down at him with a cheeky smile:

“Do you always kiss that good?” you slowly dragged your tongue along your lips, saving up the remains of the taste.

With satisfaction, you observed as his eyes darted to your mouth, pupils darkening as though that was enough to entice him. The attraction never failing to surprise you in its intensity. Fate and related synonyms constantly on your mind. Because what else could it be?

“You tell me” following your mood, Neil smirked, never easily thrown off by the banter.

Shots fired and all that. Naturally. You broke into a laugh, half-collapsing against him. Only the arms wrapping around your waist keeping you secured. There was nothing left to do but let the giggles die down, listening to his steady heartbeat.

“My god…” words choked out with immeasurable happiness, “If it’s going to be a lifetime of talk like that, then I’m not sure I’ll survive it” admitting the eternal truth, you peeked up at him to see the reaction.

A widening grin and a hint of insecurity brewing underneath were a fascinating mix.

“Maybe you’ll get tired of me and my bullshit. And dump me for someone with the charisma of a cardboard box,”

It was the way he was so utterly wrong that made you let out a quiet laugh then. And also, the concern over his self-doubts that would need to be dealt with immediately. As the true bullshit must be treated.

“So… like Jasper?” the joke earning you a genuine burst of laughter from Neil and a tightening hold over your body “Wouldn’t count on it,” raising once again, you kissed him lightly on the lips and the tip of the nose.

As a reminder.

“Good. Because something tells me I’m a lost cause,” the sincere look causing another wave of love for him, “There’s no getting over someone like you, Miss” in response, Neil bopped your nose with his playfully.

There it is again. With curiosity peaked, you ignored the need to get lost in another kiss and chose to ask a question:

“What’s with the new nickname?” your interest betrayed only by the restless fingers trailing down his chest, smoothing out the wrinkles in the shirt.

Not that you did mind. It was rather cute. And strange.

“I’m trying it out... to see how I feel about it” as usual, Neil caught your meaning with a pensive look.

For a moment, he seemed lost in thought, staring at you unseeingly. Beauty like this first thing in the morning should be made illegal. Your heart once again building up the fire that could only be extinguished by letting yourself have what you wanted. And that was rather simple.

“And?” trying to distract the intensifying thoughts, you took hold of his hand once again.

Carefully relaxing the fist, fingertips inspecting the web of veins and scars covering his palm. The long, slender fingers never failing to amaze you. A sudden reminder about the piano in his flat making everything worse. Because that would be quite a sight.

“I like it. Once we get married, I’ll amp up the game anyways,” Neil’s oblivious ramblings disrupting a detailed daydream concerning him and the piano keys.

Thankfully. It was only once you have brought yourself back to the present moment, the exact meaning of his words caught up.

“Once… not if?” that flicker of hope burning bright and steady.

It was in the way Neil studied you closely that you knew he understood. The smirk spread across his lips; eyes glimmered dangerously as he cupped your cheek:

“Why you got any other plans?” a suggestive glance at your mouth yet again.

No reason to deny it. You glanced at the phone to confirm your hopes. It was early. Enough so to spend a little bit longer in bed. Perfect.

“For now, yes,” meeting his gaze with a half-smile of your own.

Quickly untangling from the current position to provide yourself with more options. Not that he would mind how you would go about it. He never did.

“Care to share?” the want written clearly on his face, nothing but an invitation.

No verbal response needed as you straddled his lap and kissed him eagerly. Your hands followed, inching up his shirt and giving more places to study. The look full of curiosity and excitement in the blue eyes only providing more reasons to continue. More kisses. Hands exploring the familiar territory, waking up the desire, and raising the temperature. A quick fix for the addiction. Breathless moans and groans, breaking the silence of the morning hours. Gathering the courage to do what you wanted never felt this sweet.

***

Whenever Neil was busy with assigned work or training, you would wander the ship looking for something to do. A way to pass the time without triggering worrying thoughts or staring at the plans for the hundredth time. Two days were still left. And the objective was to survive them as peacefully as possible given the circumstances. You were owed as much.

That morning your feet carried you to the bridge. The quiet space offering a perfect place to settle down with the coffee and a blanket on your lap. With the panoramic windows giving an excellent view of the horizon, you could comfortably stare at the endless sky and sea. That close to the Siberian shores the only land visible were the occasional Russian islands, partially covered with snow or laid with grassy steppes. Otherwise, the emptiness could be easily overwhelming. Silence deafening. No soul nearby not belonging to your party of agents and soldiers willing to save the world from the bomb that could still go off. (Or did it already?) It was thoughts like those that caused most drama. Tiny brain worms rooting deep inside to come out at night and bother you with difficult questions and uncertainties. An ideal spark for anxiety.

Too lost in your head, you never heard the airlock open.

“Morning” you looked up, startled to see Kat take off the oxygen mask.

“Hi,” you grinned, suddenly relieved to have company.

She hesitated, eyeing your set up on the sofa and then the scene outside of the window.

“May I join?” upon your nod, she smiled and joined you on the settee, noticing wistfully, “The view from my porthole isn’t half this good”

You observed as she took in the scenery, large blue eyes full of wonder.

“This is quite something else…” you added, gaze coming back to the picturesque view.

The comfortable silence stretching out for a few minutes, when sudden thought prompted you to speak up:

“I never came to thank you for helping me back then-” the incoming apology stopped with a hand resting on your knee.

“Don’t mention it,” the reassuring smile shutting up the worries, “It was the least I could do” another pat on your knee before her grin turned wicked, “Where’s Neil?”

Caught. If it was not due to your accurate portrayal of the deer stuck in headlights, it was probably the blush that confirmed her thesis. There was no reason to pretend.

“He’s got shooting practice,” feigning nonchalance, you wondered aloud, “How do you…?” the question not needing finalization.

The look on Kat’s face nothing short of welcoming.

“I saw you on the deck during the Northern Lights,” the explanation tinting your cheeks darker “You were stood close, away from everyone else. And then you looked at him and kept on staring as though he was more beautiful than the Aurora to you” right…your breath hitched, the realization hitting with a needed kick, “I noticed you leave right after, hands holding tightly…” she trailed off, the knowing smile gracing her lips.

More beautiful than the aurora… yes, definitely. Finding words again, you chose to be honest. She saw you at your worst, offered a shoulder to lean on and a spark to light the flickering hope. To say that you were grateful was an understatement.

“We’ve managed to talk it out. Turns out he was just an idiot trying to save me while willing to ignore his feelings” thoughtlessly, a smile appeared on your face; joy uncontainable “You were right, he loves me,”

It still felt strange to say it. Even though it was true. The last time Neil told you as much was less than an hour ago. A parting affirmation as he was putting on the pullover and leaving your cabin. The new normal.

“As he should,” Kat grinned, optimism in her eyes exhilarating, “You both deserve happiness” you mirrored her smile, taking a sip from the abandoned coffee cup in a bliss-like daze, “From what I’ve seen the last few days… you’re giving him everything he was missing” the addition making your grin wider, the dangerous hope unstoppable.

Both of you went silent then, pondering on the view and what could be said. Silence comfortably stretching out and giving you a sense of companionship that you missed. While sharing thoughts and feelings with Neil was like second nature, sometimes you wished for somebody else to talk to. It was that necessity of being candid that prompted the confession:

“I like to believe that maybe now things will turn out alright somehow… but it’s difficult to keep it up with whatever awaits us at Stalsk,” the reminder settling with the anxiety cast all over your mind and heart.

The sombre turn of the conversation seemingly alright with Kat, for she eyed you closely before speaking up:

“Neil told me you’re going with him on the special unit” it was an observation.

But one that needed confirmation. The possibility to discuss it with her suddenly sounding like something you desperately wanted but never dared dream of.

“Yeah, I have to” a nod if only to reassure yourself, “Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ve got a feeling that I should be there. That it’s where I’m supposed to end up” words ringing out in the quiet space with defiance “And do whatever will be necessary to help him get out unscathed” the unsaid hanging over you, bestowing imperceptible shadow.

Kat looked at you thoughtfully; the quiet observation weighed with thousands of things that could be said. Finally, she ended the scrutiny and turned back to the horizon, breaking the silence with a comment:

“After everything I’ve seen, that’s far from crazy,” low chuckle permeating the space with a sense of faked lightness, “I’m more concerned about that part with whatever will be necessary…” the emphasis making your cheeks turn a darker shade.

Of course. She would understand what you meant. It is the only way. The belief in that one statement giving enough courage to defend your position:

“I know how it sounds. And perhaps its emotions talking… but he must survive” hiding the rising wave of emotions, you finished the lukewarm coffee, stubbornly staring at the edge of the navy sea covered with waves.

Anything but to face the attentive gaze. In the fear of losing the conviction. There was no time to falter now. Whatever would happen, you had to proceed with the plan. If not for yourself, then for Neil.

“Even if that means your sacrifice?” the question asked with a neutral tone.

The meaning simple. Taken by surprise, you looked up to meet the blue eyes staring at you inquisitively. There was no point in lying. It was another thing that you pondered on often. The question of what if. What if it comes to it and you’ll have to choose between your life and Neil’s? The answer was undeniable. Even if unspeakable.

“Yes,” a nod to assert it with all your might, “And I know he sees things the same… he told me that it’s why he’s doing it. To make sure the world won’t end taking me with it” you added, as though to validate your statement.

To show her that it was not only you who was that crazy. That perhaps what you have is something extraordinary. Worth more than anyone else can understand. Judging by the glimmer in Kat’s eyes, she knew what you were trying to say.

“I’ve only encountered love like that in fiction,” a hint of a melancholic smile on her face tugging at your heart with force.

Desperately searching for something else to say, you remembered everything Neil told you about her. Of why you were very much alike even if it did not seem so at first sight.

“You’re willing to go to similar lengths for your son. Max, right?” uncertain about the name, you hesitated.

She nodded, her expression turned serious, eyes showing the steely resilience you have seen before. A strong woman willing to do anything to save her son.

“Yes, I think… I’m not sure what’s going to happen on that bloody yacht but…” you watched as she searched for the right words, hands clenched tightly in her lap, “I’ll do what must be done to make sure Andrei doesn’t win this one” her tone turning cold, determination resounding through every syllable “He’s done enough harm,”

It was the flash of resignation passing through her gaze that caused another heartbreak. Suddenly you wished for nothing but a reckoning. Vengeance against this horrible man and the tortures he has inflicted upon Kat.

“I’m sorry,” words rolling off your tongue for the lack of anything better.

Instantly, you cursed your awkwardness, ready to come up with something different, when a hand placed on your forearm stopped the panicked stream of thoughts.

“Don’t be,” she squeezed your palm quickly before saying, “I hate it when people look at me with pity. The poor woman who married a monster. I want to be seen as a victor, not a victim,” the confession carrying with it a rising sense of strength.

Because she certainly was a victor. Someone to admire for the resistance and unyielding force of will. To be good and to put her son’s life before hers. That was something to aspire to. A quote from a few years back resonated through your head as you commented:

“Nevertheless, she persisted,” the mysterious smile spreading on your lips upon seeing Kat’s surprise.

And then she beamed. Gratefulness better than anything else you could ask for.

“Yes, exactly,” a nod, hope shining bright in her eyes, “Maybe this is my chance,”

Using the quiet moment, she stood up and wandered over to the panoramic window. The sun has begun to shine through the low clouds, adding a little more charm to the view. A tiny bit of optimism. Because maybe… With her back turned to you and the increasing sense of courage, you spoke up:

“You’ve already won. You’ve survived a wound like that… and you’re here, free from him. That for me is being victorious” finishing the sentence, you wavered.

When Kat turned back to face you with a smile full of gratitude and eyes shining with happy tears, you knew it was worth it.

***

The early afternoon before the very last night proceeding the battle was difficult. Left to your own devices, you have been idly sitting in the cabin, pondering on the various ways to stop the anxious thoughts. Even for a minute. But all the ways you could come up with either involved seeking out Neil, who has been hired to give the soldiers a quick physics-related pep talk, brushing up on their inverted combat skills and how to survive on the battlefield when the forces of gravity work against you. The other coping method you came up with had to do with spending hours in the shooting ground again. And there were hardly any bullets left for training, with stocks reserved strictly for operational use. Limits set by yourself as per order. Not omittable.

That is how you have found yourself setting up the hastily packed speaker (because why not?) in the small sparring ground in the training zone. You have changed into comfortable sweatpants and a tank top, deciding to use up the excess of energy in chilled solo sparring of sorts. It mostly consisted of finding proper bops and prancing around the space, trying out different kicks and punches Ives taught you. It was easy to get lost, feeling the rhythm, setting the pace, and choosing the right kind of moves to deal with the invisible opponents. A backfist here, roundhouse kick there. An attempt at a flying kick just because the guitar solo got you a little bit too entranced. That one ended with a groan, face flat on the mat. Thankfully there was no one to see.

You got lost in the movement, music drowning out everything else, until it was just you, your body in the fluid movements and the breaths punctuating the silence. Aiming a perfect backhander, you turned around only to freeze when your eyes landed on the intruder leaning on the plastic screen separating the spaces. Impeccable grin and a shrug answering your wide gaze. Blue eyes appreciatively sweeping across your body. Nothing new there for him. You stared back, heavy breaths catching up after minutes of intense practice. After what seemed like an eternity, Neil’s smile widened as he pushed himself up and crossed the distance.

Hands landing on your waist, without a second wasted, he pulled you closer, forcefully enough to draw out a startled yelp. That was rather unexpected. You barely had time to comprehend anything when he kissed you with hunger. On reflex, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck as you opened your mouth to let him in. Teeth clanked when Neil reached out for more than you could offer, breath caught in your throat, unprepared for something like this. The need resonating through your tangled bodies as you let the stream of feelings take you under. Temperance forgotten as Neil tugged on your lower lip, bruising the skin and softening the damage with his tongue. You moaned, the sound getting lost in the haze of sudden frenzy. As though you were bound to die tomorrow, and this was the last chance to show each other the love you feel.

It was that thought that prompted you to break away. In search of oxygen mostly.

“Wow…” you gazed up at him, feigning nonchalance, “Thought we agreed on no PDA in the public spaces,” the stern glare breaking underneath the lovesick smile you could not hold back.

Because, after a kiss like that, how could you?

Neil shrugged, keeping his hands firmly on your waist, thumb gently stroking your side through the shirt. There was no remorse in those eyes, only fondness, and mischief. Whatever brought him here was bound to end in trouble. Perhaps that was the distraction you were seeking…

“It’s not my fault you’re stood here looking like this” another admiring look over your figure, finishing with a quirked smile and a pull to bring you closer once again.

It was difficult to deny him anything.

“Like what?” arching an eyebrow you searched his eyes for clues.

Up close, you could fully marvel at his long eyelashes and the exact colour of his eyes. The darker rim encircling the blue-grey depths, pulling you in and making you fall even harder. You always should have known that it was inevitable. There was no escape from eyes like those.

“Irresistible,” the word, falling from his lips in a pious whisper.

Inches left between your faces, gravity doing its work in bringing your nearer. Nothing left to do but breach the gap and kiss him, another way of thanking him for the compliment and getting the fix for the addiction. Now there was no need to hold back, after all.

“Huh…” you grinned, catching your breath once more, “How did you find me?” taking a step back to stop the temptation.

Because perhaps that was enough. The rest could continue in the privacy of your room. Whatever that might be.

“Intuition, mostly” Neil swept his gaze around the room, focusing on the speaker laying in the corner “And a little bit of luck since only you could be listening to ‘Big in Japan’ while training” his eyes narrowed, cheeky smirk dangling in the corner of his mouth.

Ah. The song choice coming back with a vengeance as you blushed for no reason.

“What’s wrong with Alphaville? That’s a banger,” the defence coming with an unnecessary but satisfying push aimed at the center of his chest.

Working perfectly, if the surprised gasp was anything to go by. He only needed a second to recover, the sparks in his eyes telling you that the response was bound to be quite something, and you better prepare.

“I’m not saying it’s not. Only that this is very much in character for the woman I’m honoured to call my girlfriend” a wink perfecting the delivery.

Yep, on point. Your face warmed up a notch, happiness almost incomprehensible.

“Ain’t you smug” masking the softness with sarcasm, you attempted a harsh glare.

However, all the intent crumbled the moment your speaker started playing the next song via shuffle. The soft piano, opening the ballad with a flourish. Nothing but corniness of the 90s and a love song to defy any other. As Bryan Adams started singing out the first lines in his husky tone, you groaned. Fuck you, Spotify.

“I didn’t take you to be this sentimental” Neil eyed you closely, mirth betrayed by the barely contained laughter.

Using the weapon you have been hoarding for too long, you aimed to school your features before noticing:

“Well… wise man once told me that we’ve all got our weaknesses…” the meaningful gaze doing the job as Neil grinned.

“Very wise, indeed,” the self-satisfied expression only deepening.

Before you could perceive his movements, he closed the distance, took your hand in his, and placed the other palm on your shoulder blade. Following instincts you did not even know you had, you hastily put your hand on his bicep in the ballroom dance position you have seen on tv. What the hell.

“What are you doing?” question coming out breathless as you stumbled to fall into the correct steps following his lead.

Lead to a slow waltz, of all things.

“Using the opportunity,” Neil adjusted the pace, letting you feel the rhythm before continuing, “Haven’t you ever dreamt of waltzing with the love of your life in a glitzy ballroom?”

It was the nonchalance that caught you. The way he said it without a stutter. As though he has used the words before, perhaps in the quiet of his mind or in a conversation.

“Maybe I have,” forcing the doubts to shut up you chose the noncommittal answer for the moment.

Letting your eyes speak instead as you met his steady gaze. A flash of a gentle smile and a thumb tenderly stroking your shoulder blade. Calming down and grounding within the moment.

“I know I did,” the affirmation added to the mix, complete with the kiss on your forehead.

'Look into your heart – you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am, take my life

I would give it all, I would sacrifice'

Bryan Adams kept on crooning as you moved slowly across the room. The relatable meaning of the words sung out making you hide your head in the crook of Neil’s neck, disrupting the formality of your position. Turning the waltz into a slow dance by making Neil pull you closer. He tightened his hold, fingers carefully stroking your skin, the contact keeping up the spark alive. A few more slides across space, your feet following his without hesitation. The synchronization perfect in the matched tempo. It was surprisingly easy to find the right rhythm; perhaps the chemistry did its work in that aspect too.

It was only once the song has reached the guitar solo part that you have managed to break the comfortable silence with a comment:

“This is… nice,” the adjective being the only one you could come up with.

All the other words disappearing one by one, dissolved in the wave of feelings. Happiness, most of all. And love you never imagined existing, let alone to experience. Neil chuckled lowly, his chin resting comfortably on the top of your head.

“Mhmm… Remember how we’ve first met?” the question catching you off guard.

Enough to miss one step and earn a little ‘tsk’ from him.

“Of course, why?” the audacity of the assumption frustrating.

As if. Because even now, you sometimes found yourself reminiscing on that day. The conversation, seemingly innocent, and yet have led you to this point. To everything you did not even know you were missing but now could not live without.

“Even then… when we were chatting over the coffee, I was intrigued,” the wistfulness in Neil’s voice causing long-forgotten questions to resurface.

You have never discussed that day in detail. But maybe that would be the chance. Gathering up the courage, you waited until you have completed the spin around the room to admit:

“Me too… I’ve always wondered… what was it when you’ve eyed me and said I’ll pass the training without issues? Just flirting?” curiosity creeping into your voice.

Not going unnoticed and acknowledged with a thoughtful hum. That was another thing you have thought of. Back then, his gaze only increased the interest. Now, knowing it was not only you that had many impressions after the meeting, it was harder to ignore.

“That was one of the few times when I broke my own rules of looking at people objectively” the explanation given with the needed depth “I always try to be respectable… to see everyone for their minds rather than their bodies” unasked, your heart let out a painful thump in awe over him “But with you, I- I guess my fascination got ahead of me” sudden shyness surprising, causing you to disrupt the dance by freezing in the spot “I was right, in the end” Neil met your questioning gaze with an apologetic expression.

That alone vouching for a kiss and a reassuring squeeze of a hand. You gladly accepted an invitation back into his embrace and another slow dance. Spotify proving itself useful with the next song choice – ‘Forever Young’. By Alphaville, again.

Neil’s snicker was met with a glare on your side and a light step on his foot, for good measure. It took you another few seconds to let the doubts speak up again:

“Was that really enough for you to see me? That one afternoon?” once the questions started, there was no end to them in your mind.

“Yes,” no hesitation on his side “Trust me, I was surprised too, but with every passing day I was thinking about you more. And now I know why” a nuzzle to the top of your head before he asked, “What about you?” inquisitiveness almost hidden by the neutral tone.

Might as well show your hand. Laying a small kiss on the side of his neck, you began:

“I’m not sure… I was curious about you” an understatement but always something, “You seemed so different and charming, like no one I’ve ever met before. And obviously, I had to acknowledge that you’re handsome as hell but… then I saw you flirt with Anna, and I thought that you’re one of those” the admission coming out with the resigned edge you did not fully intend.

It was quickly extinguished with a spectacular dip and a pirouette that managed to knock the breath out of your lungs and the thoughts out of your brain. Nothing but Neil left. As usual.

“I see… mind you, I was flirting with her only because I didn’t know how to talk to you yet” he carried on the conversation without a hitch.

Interesting.

“Did it matter?” you raised your head to be able to see his face for this one.

As though he was expecting scrutiny, Neil met your gaze with a steady look and a confident smile.

“Surprisingly, yes. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” the intensity of the eye contact increasing.

The song starting to fade out amidst its 80s glory, the last of the synthesizer giving out its swan song with the needed cringe. Your dance slowing down to a small two-step, prolonging the moment a little longer.

“Which would be?” another question, because why the hell not.

Using your momentum, Neil slipped his fingers underneath the strap of your tank top, grin widening once he realised the lack of bra. The familiar sparks, making you wonder about wherever this was bound to lead you. About what could happen. A vague idea formed in your head, needing only closure to the chat.

“That I’m not serious,” Neil’s response bringing you back to the moment.

All the movement stopping, leaving you standing in an embrace in the middle of the space.

“Are you?” just a final test.

Even though you did not need an answer, everything that happened within the last days proving time and time again that he was in it hundred percent. That finally you have found the one.

“Very much so, my love” stepping out of the hold, Neil tipped your chin.

The depth of adoration in his gaze only bringing out fierce blush and the deepening softness threatening to make you melt on the spot from too many feelings and too much happiness coursing through your veins. Enough. For now.

You grinned at Neil as a means of accepting his answer and took a definitive step away from him, noticing the curious look on his face. Ignoring it for the moment, you quickly searched through the library to pick up something a little more appropriate. And less cringe. As you pressed play on the right playlist and faced Neil again, the smile you saw told you he had ideas towards your next suggestion:

“Do you want to join me for a little sparring?” you approached him slowly, the unexpected nerves making an appearance, “We’ve never done that together, and maybe… you can say no of course but-” as you faltered, the plan seemed to make less and less sense every passing second.

Because perhaps there was a reason why he never suggested it. Or perhaps, it was not something he would want to do with you, his girlfriend, of all people. Maybe-

“I’d love to,” the answering smile reassuring enough to let you know that all your issues have been noticed, “Don’t pull your punches just because it’s me” Neil closed the gap and took your hand in his with a wink.

There was no way of stopping that grin from appearing on your face. Tightening the hold over his hand, you made sure to put on the most intimidating expression in your arsenal.

“You wish, sunshine,” a kiss on the cheek just because, followed by a wink to tip off his mirroring smile.

Let the games begin or something. You watched as Neil took off the pullover, leaving him in the t-shirt, and joined you on the mat. The final thought was that this sort of activity could end in many ways. Some of them rather intriguing. However, all distractions had to be left behind if you were to win this one. Which was easier said than done, as you eyed your opponent, coming up with the strategy. Because of those damned blue eyes and fascinating body proportions that were hard to ignore, no matter the circumstances.

With the final nod, it began. You crossed the space to aim a kick at Neil’s shin, using the element of surprise and height difference. As you hit the mark, he let out a surprised yelp and glared at you offendedly. A giggle escaped your throat as you made sure to put up the guard, expecting retaliation to follow. And it did. A lighter kick in your ankle, and then an attempt at punch towards your shoulder. That one, thankfully blocked, with your rendition of the shooting daggers.

The sparring followed this rhythm for a couple of minutes, drenching your shirt with sweat and increasing the adrenaline with every move. As it proved, Neil was an excellent partner for that too. Your dynamic working perfectly as you bounced off the different techniques and styles, learning from each other in progress. Soon it became a matter of prediction, of staring at him intently to determine the very next step and to block it efficiently. A few mistakes resulted in bruises here and there, but it was nothing compared to the elation flowing through your veins. The occasional compliments and teases interrupted the flow, bringing out more feelings than you ever deemed possible to exist. At once. Joy, excitement, fatigue, and desire slowly combining into the strangest mix inside your head.

Because one thing was certain – it was increasingly difficult to ignore the way it felt when Neil got close. His strong arms, usually acting as your refuge, now a barrier you had to get through to win this battle. The closeness intoxicating as you tried to wrestle out of his hold, imposed by using the moment of hesitation on your side. But then who was to blame you for getting lost in his eyes? Again. With his chest pressed against your back and the forearms blocking any form of movement, you decided to put it all on the card of fate, hooking your leg around his in an attempt at a backflip taught by Ives. That was another fatal mistake.

You only realised how badly you have fucked up when you opened your eyes to see Neil peering down at you with the most annoying of grins painted on his face. Eyes sparkling with satisfaction that certainly should not be there. Shit. He got you pinned to the mat with hands trapping you underneath him. Not much space between your bodies. A fierce blush bloomed on your cheeks; embarrassment combined with sudden arousal once the exact placement of your limbs sunk in. The earlier misstep resulted in having your legs wound tightly around his waist and crossed over the back. Just like-

“This position is rather… familiar” the husky whisper broke through the sudden onset of feelings and thoughts as you met his gaze.

The darkness of the irises and the boundless depths of desire you found there providing the missing piece in the puzzle. The heat turning up a notch. Unable to break the eye contact, you watched in fascination as Neil seemed to consume you on the spot. His pupils widened, betraying the feelings reigning free over his mind as he contemplated the very next move. Frozen, you could only wait helplessly, feeling the well-known tension rise, causing havoc in your head. Still, what he chose to do next, caught you off guard.

He leaned in and captured your lips in an eager kiss, easily stealing away the breath and distracting you from anything else in the whole world. As you opened your mouth for him without hesitation, Neil used the moment to strike. His tongue caressed yours in exact opposition to the way his hips jutted forward, creating friction. The surprising ploy, drawing out a gasp and making you break the kiss with a telling hiss. The answering mischievous smirk the only warning before he did it again, rocking his body forward against yours, upping up the temperature, and making the warmth pool in your lower stomach instantly. The wetness, collecting on your underwear and sticking to the skin in an impulse you could not control.

“Jesus, Neil- You can’t just-” frustration poured out in incoherent sentences as you fought for sanity.

He, naturally, took that as the cue to up his game. The deadly smile was the last thing you saw before he bowed down, tongue darting out to lick down your neck and then cover the space with kisses. A groan escaped through your lips as you grabbed onto his biceps in search of support. A logical part of the brain told you to stop the madness (and drag him to your room to continue), but that voice could be barely heard through the overwhelming haze. More kisses, teeth grazing over the skin, hands slipping underneath your top, and using the lack of bra to cause more drama.

The added touch onto your breasts was what defeated the sanity and caused you to roll your hips against his, matching up the tempo in the frantic attempts at getting something out of it.

“Fuck” heaving out the curse, you could not stop the moan caused by Neil sucking on your pulse point below the ear.

All the reasons against continuing something this good disappeared one by one. The synced-up movement, making you breathless within seconds. The arousal, seeping through the underwear, only increasing with the way you could feel Neil react to it as well. The telling signs of his lust rubbing off against your crotch upon every thrust. Getting ever harder to ignore with sounds breaking up the forgotten sparring soundtrack.

“That good?” Neil’s question dripping with need as he rasped out the words upon your hungry kiss stolen in the moment of eagerness.

No point in holding back now. Grasping onto his chin to stop him from distracting you with yet another trick, you made sure to show the extent of want raging in your veins:

“It would be without all the bloody clothes in the way” piecing the sentence, you huffed with dissatisfaction.

Because after something like this, you wanted him. No, needed him. Anything to finally release the tension and catch the high. Because, as you began to discover, it was too easy to get addicted to him. To the pleasure, he always seemed happy to give you. To being wanted and needed like never before.

Even now, Neil seemed entranced, eyes searching your face for something. Whatever he needed, you delivered with the want in the unguarded look, for he grinned and nudged your nose with his.

“I like seeing you this needy, darling” choosing no mercy whatsoever he stole yet another hungry kiss.

All the while keeping up the friction. As if you could ignore the feelings building up for a minute longer.

Using the opportunity, you caught his bottom lip between your teeth and tugged at it with force. Drawing out blood and groans. A punishment. To strengthen the effect, you made sure to tangle your fingers in his hair, imposing light pressure. Enough to make him suffer a little more, but not as bad as to make him more predatory. That was another thing learned in the past days. You were right Neil had a hair thing. And using it right could work to your advantage. With satisfaction, you broke the kiss and watched as he opened his eyes, unfocused gaze and shallow breaths giving the needed bravery.

“Bastard,” you whispered and used his moment of hesitation to initiate the retaliation.

The answering smug smile giving more reasons to push on with the plan. With the full attention provided, you slowly licked your lips. A trick that always worked, making Neil stare with that same look of starvation hidden in his eyes. It was the confidence you were seeking to hook your leg around his and find the impetus to complete the switch in one smooth attempt.

It worked. You comfortably straddled his lap, pinning him to the floor. Only a shocked gasp told you he caught up with the change. You met his gaze smugly, using the new position to run your fingers up and down his chest, light teasing included in the act of vengeance. The answering groan more than gratifying, making you even happier to give him the taste of his own medicine and roll your hips forward.

“I like this new development,” Neil breathed out the comment, hands settling on your hips, “You know what, though? I’d love to see you snap one day. Get annoyed by my antics and punish me” it was the way he said it that made you freeze with one hand already underneath his shirt.

As though it was exactly what he wanted. Interesting…

“Is that what you’re into?” arching one eyebrow, you trailed your nails over the skin on his chest.

Watching the goosebumps with fascination. The light bruises on the sides reminding you of the morning the day prior and the sudden passion that resulted in marks all over your bodies.

“I’m into you, but yes,” Neil observed you with strange pensiveness, “Even a man like me needs to be dominated from time to time,” the challenge in his eyes already inspiring scenarios within your mind.

“That can be sorted then” you winked and used that moment to stand up, leaving him on the floor with mouth open wide.

Perfect. Grinning, you brushed off the dust from your clothes and strode over to the speaker, ignoring Neil pointedly. Only an exasperated sigh told you he managed to pick himself up. Using the towel, you wiped off the remains of sweat from your brow and turned back to him with a neutral expression:

“I’ll go shower,” you quickly eyed him, taking in the ruffled hair and flushed cheeks, “I’d ask you to join me… but I don’t want to traumatise anyone using the communal bathroom for that” a meaningful look making sure he understood.

The slight double-take all the needed confirmation. Neil swallowed hard, as though the suggestion was enough to make the images appear before his eyes. But then he flashed you a confident smile.

“Fret not once we’re back home, we’ll catch up on that. I’ve got that spacious shower for a reason,” a tiny shrug as though to make you remember.

Right. Another thing to add to the bucket list, no doubt. However, for now, you were not done with the taunting. He did deserve it.

“I see… do you often use it for those kinds of purposes?” draping the towel around your neck, you strolled towards him with an inquisitive look.

Another shrug. Hands reaching out to be placed on your waist and to draw you closer, keeping that one metre of space just for show. His eyes searched yours with feigned nonchalance before responding:

“Not really. But with you, I want to change that up a little. After all, I’ve got to convince you that having sex with you is wonderful,” followed with a nose nudge and a smirk.

For once, there was no shyness. Mirroring his moves, you put your hands on his sides, thumbs slowly stroking the hipbones, pulling him closer. Once your bodies were flush against each other, you grinned:

“Mutually” and then, upon noticing the well-known beat coming from the speaker, “One might even say you’ve brought the sexy back” a wink, using the lack of inhibitions in the air.

The answering gaping mouth and eyes widened in shock were good enough indicators that whatever this mood was, it should continue. After a second of confusion, Neil started laughing hysterically, collapsing against you with ease:

“… Jesus Christ,” he choked out the words, drawing you into a skewed hug if only to preserve the closeness.

The sudden outburst of happiness was not controllable even if you wanted. Giggling quietly, you waited for him to calm down, running your fingers up his back in a soothing manner. Once his laughs eased, you whispered:

“Sorry, blame that on JT” an apologetic shrug followed with a chaste kiss pressed to his temple.

The cheerful sparks in his eyes, telling all you could need to know. Thanks, universe.

“No, I love it” Neil’s words brought you back to the present moment as he took your hands in his “I love you,” the sincere confession breaking up the ridiculous atmosphere with tenderness.

“You better” your smile widened as you squeezed his hands in a non-verbal response.

It was only once you were heading out of the room, after at least three passionate kisses and some more infatuated gazing, that Neil chose to pick up the abandoned line of teasing.

“Make sure to think of me during your shower” you turned around, mouth open wide “For inspiration. I’ll be waiting” there was no mistaking the look in his eyes or the intentions behind it.

There was nothing left to do but walk out with cheeks burning red and head too empty to do anything but what he proposed.

For a good purpose, as the afternoon then showed you.

***

With the night falling on the last day before the fourteenth and the battle, you could feel the internal darkness creeping with every passing hour. By the early bedtime, there was nowhere to hide. Laying on the bed and waiting for Neil to come back from his shower, you could do nothing but stare at the ceiling blankly. Thousands of worries, questions, and scenarios multiplying in your head, threatening to steal away the remains of peace. It felt as though the curtain has fallen over your blissful days, leaving nothing but uncertainty. Because God knows what would happen at Stalsk. The plan was one thing, perfect execution - a different one.

With lungs failing to expand properly you considered getting up and marching outside to let the cold air give you something else to worry about. That is when the door to your cabin finally opened, and Neil walked in. A sight for sore eyes personified. Mindless of your struggles, he sent you a smile before placing the morning outfit on the chair. It became a ritual of sorts, with him bringing back the change of clothes to prolong the waking up period and stay in bed with you. Despite the anxiety rising exponentially, you could not help but smile at the tradition upheld on the eve of the battle. You watched in silence as he took off trousers and placed his phone on the bedside table. It was only once he sat down on the bed and faced you with fondness in his eyes that you knew the act of staring has been caught.

“Alright?” Neil reached out and tipped your chin to make sure you could not hide.

Gently his fingers caressed your jaw and down the neck, soothing the nerves and asserting his presence. You leaned into his touch and whispered the white lie:

“Yeah…” desperate to extend the bliss even a second longer, you joked lightly, “Was beginning to worry you’ve decided to ditch me tonight” shifting forward, you rested your forehead against his.

Closing your eyes and letting the feeling of being wanted envelope you in its sweet embrace.

“You wish,” the tint of joy in his voice adding on to the perfection of the moment, “There’s no getting rid of me that easily” Neil tucked the hair behind your ear, stroking your temple slowly in the process.

It felt almost unreal to have someone love you like that. So carefully, yet with a passion that did not seem to wane. The only thing left was to believe it. And let your feelings lead the way. You opened your eyes to find Neil staring back with the softest of smiles gracing his features. That was enough to whisper back the answer:

“What a shame,” and capture his lips in a hungry kiss.

Knowing the moves by heart, you have tangled your fingers in his hair and opened the mouth to deepen the kiss. It was always too simple, an act of devotion and a drug you could not imagine giving up. Each brush of his tongue against yours bringing sparks of electricity and pleasure, a promise of so much more only waiting to be taken.

Without breaking up the contact, you shifted to lie on top of Neil, stealing small pecks interrupted with smiles and sighs. Not knowing what bliss feels like, you assumed it must be like this. Because nothing seemed to come close to the feeling of being loved and wanted by him. To feeling the steady heartbeat as you pressed up against him in the closest of embraces. To having him grin against your mouth, interrupting the kisses with happy giggles, and stroking your back underneath the shirt in a simple act of tenderness.

It was once you felt his touch tread onto that well-known territory bridging the line between want and intimacy that you leaned back to meet his gaze. Slight confusion found in the blue eyes as you fell back onto your side and took his hand in yours:

“Can we… not do this tonight?” the tentative whisper broke the silence as your nerves spoke up again.

Because despite never having enough of Neil, tonight you wanted something innocent. Something easy. Asking for it felt almost wrong as if it could be too much. With the countless worries anchoring within your mind, you focused all your attention on studying his hand attentively. The thin scars scattered across the skin. Neatly trimmed fingernails and elegant fingers betraying the sensitive nature of the man you loved without any inhibitions. Neil as always noticed the sudden shyness, for he kissed you on the forehead before answering:

“Of course,” the affirmation given without a stutter, as he retracted his palm from underneath your clothes, “What do you need?” with the free hand cupping your cheek, he forced you to meet his gaze again.

Concern and affection. All the needed encouragement to speak your mind. To reach out for everything he wanted to give you.

“Hold me, please,” forcing out an uncertain smile, you wound your arms around his waist, snuggling in to find the perfect position.

But it was not enough.

“How do you want me?” the question asked with the glimmer in his eyes that told you he remembered the night from London.

Months ago, while also something that has not happened yet. Linearly, that is.

“Closer” this time, the answer could not have been simpler.

Neil accepted it with a hint of a smug smile as he pulled you close. Spreading his legs for yours to fit in-between. Hips flush against each other, heartbeat synced. Hands clinging to the warmth of your skin, his lips pressed against your temple. No inch of space left. Exactly as you needed.

With the brain strangely quiet, you breathed in his scent, letting the reality catch up. Yours. The soothing warmth of the embrace and solidity of his body underneath your fingertips making you feel safe. Even if only for the moment.

A short moment? Prompted by the harsh reminder of time running out mercilessly, you tensed and splayed your hand over his heart. A clear signal for Neil to tighten the hold and nuzzle your temple. Waiting for the words to come spilling out of your heart.

And they did.

“I- There’s so much goddamn noise in my head, and it’s beginning to drive me mad” after finishing the sentence breathlessly, you hid your face in the crook of his neck.

Smelling the bergamot and hints of your perfume, increasing the love held within your system. Following the instincts, Neil started running his fingertips up the curve of your spine, giving you something to focus on. The steadiness of the movement grounding you back in the present.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” the soft tone melting the edges of sharp blades penetrating your mind with anxiety, “I can’t stop the thoughts, but I’ll make sure you know I’m not going anywhere,” confirming the meaning, he took hold of your hand lying on his chest and laced the fingers.

Another way of showing support. Of letting you believe your luck. Nothing left but to press a kiss to his neck and whisper:

“Thank you… We’ll be alright, won’t we?” the question forcing itself on your tongue.

Because it was all that mattered. For you and Neil to survive. To have time to love each other. But… tomorrow is promised to no one. The counterarguments preparing to strike with force as they assembled at the bottom of your heart. You could die tomorrow. That was a fact, as true as the knowledge that the world could end. The bomb could go off. This could be the last moment of peace you would have. And there was no way of knowing whether it was. The fear creeping in with nothing to stop it.

“I hope so,” as though sensing the growing unease, Neil raised your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

You need not look at him to know what you would find in his beautiful eyes. It was the knowledge of feelings reciprocated that gave you the courage to speak the truth. To reassert what he already knew. Just because it could be the last time.

“Earlier today, after we’ve… I’ve realised that… I’ve never been more in love,” stumbling through the sentence, you whispered the confession against his skin, “And I don’t want it to end” a deep breath to gain back the momentum “I need you, Neil. You’re everything I have…” you faltered, feeling tears blur the edges of your vision.

As if your heart knew something you did not. As if being this vulnerable was the trigger you were seeking. There was much more you could tell him, but no words were found for it. Instead, you felt the embrace tighten as Neil kissed the tip of your ear tenderly.

“We’ll be alright, my love,” the endearment getting lost in the quietest of sniffles “I’ll make sure of it” he hesitated, the edge of your breakdown impacting him too with the emotions betrayed in every syllable, “And I don’t know if it needs saying, but… You’re my everything too. I’m not going to give up on us,” the definitive promise offering all the strength for you to raise your head.

Tears shining in your eyes as your gazes met. Worth fighting for.

***

The feeling of safety gave way to worries not longer than an hour after you finally gave in to sleep. Gasping, you opened your eyes in a flash after a particularly terrifying and confusing nightmare full of inverted rounds and ticking bombs. Blindly you rolled over to the side where you would usually find Neil, only for your hands to clutch at nothingness. Shit. The realization working better than any alarm clock as you sat up and turned on the lamp.

Empty room. Darkness outside. Neil’s phone left by the bed. Next to it a piece of paper torn out of a notebook:

“Couldn’t sleep. Find me on the bridge if you need me. Yours, N.”

The initial tugged on your heartstrings as you quickly made up your mind. It was only past one. And there was hardly any chance of going to sleep now. Without him by your side and with the brain haunted by terrifying dreams. You stood up and quickly got dressed in the hoodie he left the day before and joggers.

The moment you stepped outside the cabin corridor, the silence and cold hit you with their starkness. Usually, at this hour, the icebreaker would be alive with the sounds of the crew and troops getting ready for the night. There would be groups chatting in the mess or the galley. Soldiers catching late-night sparring sessions or betting on who would get more bullseye shots at the shooting range. Not tonight, though.

Without stumbling upon a single soul, you walked over to the bridge. Cold hands clutched together in the hoodie pocket. Untangling only to deal with the zip by the airlock.

Once you crossed the threshold, you knew you were in the right place. The silence finally interrupted with voices. Most importantly, with the sound of Neil explaining something in those soft tones that always brought you peace. The darkness of the room enlightened by the single fluorescent above the empty table. Kat was sat in the chair opposite him, focused on what he was saying. As you took off the oxygen mask with a quiet sigh, they both turned to you. Neil brightened up in a flash, a soft smile lightening up his face as he reached out for your hand. You sent Kat a shy nod as you let your boyfriend pull you down onto the sofa:

“Hello,” she grinned, giving you both a satisfied once-over.

The echo of the conversation you had the day before ringing out in the spaces between words. Nothing left but to relax into the pillows and give them both an apologetic shrug:

“Hi… Hope I’m not interrupting” you watched as they shared an amused look, followed by Kat getting up to make tea.

You knew instantly what this was. A moment of privacy.

“Never” Neil’s voice made you turn to him only to see the affection pouring out from his gaze.

Gently he took hold of your ice-cold hands and warmed them up between his palms with care. It was too easy to feel the love fill your chest again. As if switched back on whenever Neil was nearby. Somehow the darkness felt less frightening with him by your side. After a beat, you answered the unasked question:

“I woke up without you, and…” trailing off, you looked at Kat pouring water from the kettle into the mugs.

She seemed entirely focused on the task, mindless of your conversation. Using the encouragement, you moved closer to Neil and captured his lips in a quick kiss. He responded instantly, placing his hand on your cheek to draw you nearer and take whatever you wanted to give him. This time, because of company, the contact ended in a happy sigh a few seconds later as you pressed your forehead against his for a moment. Just enough to share a look of love and a shy grin. Hearing the unmistakable sound of teaspoon clanking in the mug, you leaned back, away from him yet keeping your hands locked in the space between you on the sofa.

“Sorry. I couldn’t fall asleep and didn’t want to wake you. So, I came here and stumbled upon Kat,” Neil explained, breaking the silence and acknowledging the other woman with a sympathetic nod.

Using that line as her cue to turn back to you, Kat handed you both warm mugs. Only a grateful grin could be given before you took a sip and let the tea melt the remains of ice that settled in your chest. With the comfortable silence setting in, you asked:

“Nerves?” giving the woman a quick once over, it was easy to determine that she too has been struggling with the night-time demons.

The shadows under her eyes, hands clutching tightly at the mug as if to find comfort in the warmth it provided. Making you appreciate the hand holding yours even more than you deemed possible.

“Yeah,” Kat swallowed hard, her gaze focusing on the darkness outside “Suppose it’s nothing for you, in a business like this but… I’ve never had to deal with a world-ending situation. Let alone have it depend on me. Partially” she finished the confession with eyebrows knitted together.

“In truth… neither did I” Neil leaned forward, the sombre look in his eyes settling on Kat, “Sure there were some missions of a bigger caliber than a few boxes of inverted artillery smuggled across Scotland… but nothing exactly like this” hiding grin caused by his answer, you took a longer sip of tea.

There was something incredibly true about him at this moment. Discussing the topics of deadly nature yet adding jokes and anecdotes to keep you all that one step away from despair. Tightening the hold over his hand, you added:

“The grand plan,” murmuring the words you once heard TP say, you reflected, “I bet my uni professors would never quite believe it if I told them that this is where international relations got me” feeling Neil’s gaze, you turned to look at him.

A crooked smile and hair falling into his eyes. Perfection.

“More like fate,” he countered, thumb running over your knuckles absentmindedly.

Biting down on your lip to stop yourself from grinning too widely, you nodded:

“That too,” or I’d like to believe it is.

After a beat, you both faced Kat again, only to encounter her knowing smile, curling the lips with a sharp edge of steel. Then her expression softened as though realising the reality once again.

“Are you scared? Of having to do this… together?��� it was the hesitancy that helped you understand the meaning.

You knew Neil caught up too, for her moved an inch closer. Shoulder to shoulder, knees touching. No unnecessary gaps. Together. Just when you thought of answering her question, Neil cleared his throat:

“A little… It’s like… on the one hand, I’m glad we’ll be on the same team, as then I can keep an eye on you” he gave you a little shoulder bump as if to accentuate the addressee, “But then I’ve always been warned about being emotionally compromised during missions. Trouble is I’ve been compromised like that for months, at least” an apologetic shrug to complete the sentence.

He was not even looking at you. Yet, it was too easy to understand what he meant. An excuse for the warmth to settle in your heart again. Months. More reasons to keep fighting for the future.

“Sorry,” returning the nudge, you frowned, “On my side, ever since you came up with this idiotic idea to deal with the lock, I knew I’d follow. Because there’s no way in hell, I’d let you do it alone. But, as you say, the element of emotional compromise is there. God knows I’m terrified of whatever might happen,” the ramblings only stopping because you have run out of breath, “It’s like… when you’re young, and you want to change the world. Sometimes you even begin to believe that it’s going to be your purpose. To be the hero and save the day. But most people grow out of that and never even get the chance” ending the observation, you noticed the two pairs of eyes focused on you.

Kat’s light blue gaze, staring wistfully, nothing but understanding and melancholy. As if whatever you said triggered something deep within the confines of her heart. As if she was grateful.

Neil looked as though he could not quite believe you existed. As though your words made him fall even harder. And then he shook himself awake again, clutching your hand tightly.

“But we do” he nodded lightly, offering support should you need it.

Letting you know that the fate of the world was not only on your shoulders. We. That pronoun again. In response, you could only give back the voice to those things that you still wanted to share with them:

“Yes, exactly. And the child that still occupies parts of my heart… she’s excited to be the hero. While grown-up me is just terrified of the stakes” staring at the dark horizon, you noticed quietly, “Never did I dream of saving the world from an inverted atomic bomb-”

“-Well, actually-” Neil interjected with his picture-perfect, MA in Physics tone, making you roll your eyes affectionately.

Idiot. You exchanged an exasperated grin with Kat before stopping him from starting up a lecture about the details of the Algorithm with a hand clamped over his mouth.

“Shut up, mister smarty-pants” your smile widened at the shocked look in his eyes before you lifted your hand and continued, “But at the same time it makes sense… sort of” faltering, you looked around the space looking for something else to say.

“I know what you mean. I never expected any of this to happen to me, but now that it did… I guess I should’ve seen it coming” Kat had your back, agreeing with your words with the same sense of apprehension in her voice.

It was easy to tell what she meant. The guilt entirely unnecessary yet unavoidable for someone this good. Your need of protest got cut short by Neil:

“Kat, don’t blame yourself for not knowing what Andrei is doing. None of that is your fault” upon her pained look he gave her a reassuring smile to confirm the sentiment.

“It’s easier said than done… but thank you” she offered him a weak attempt at a smile and then looked at you with sparks in her eyes, “You got yourself quite the catch there,” a tiny nod in the direction of the blonde man.

Indeed. Unable to stop the happiness rising in your chest, you countered her look with a smug grin of your own:

“I know” ignoring the blush spreading across Neil’s cheeks, you patted him on the head, “He’s incredible,” an appreciative look at your boyfriend and the free hand placed on his knee.

That woke him up.

“He? I’ve got a name, you know,” the feigned spitefulness making a giggle rise in your throat.

Neil glared at you, the act only betrayed by the very way the corner of his mouth curled up, disrupting the frown. Forcing a poker face, you chose to just go for it:

“Yes, and it sounds as though you were English pensioner spending days playing bingo on Malta,” the slight delivered perfectly.

Gratification instantaneous, with Kat laughing hysterically in the background as you observed Neil’s reaction. He froze mid inhale, eyes widened, showing nothing but confusion. And then his mouth opened to choke out:

“…what the-” before he could get to the expletive of choice, the sound of the zip lock interrupted him with abruptness.

Before either of you turned to check who the newcomer was, you met Neil’s bewildered gaze and shrugged. Squeezing his knee as addition and lifting your hand to make the position a little bit more neutral.

“I see it’s not just me who can’t sleep” Wheeler’s voice ringing out in the room made you turn to look at her.

Stood by the entrance, she gave you all an assessing look. Somehow her appearance felt right. Another grounding voice against the rising unease and panic. Someone to pull you back down from the anxious high horse.

“No rest for the wicked” Neil seemingly got over the previous paralysis, for he offered the woman his best rendition of a devilish smirk and threw his arm over the back of the sofa.

Hand landing perfectly by your shoulder. Simple intimacy.

“What’s on the agenda?” Wheeler strolled across the room to sit on the chair by the table.

Dark gaze nonchalantly slipping over the two of you on the sofa. She was never the one to comment on what she observed, but the way she looked at you was enough. The label was painted in the cheeky smile, hidden in the corner of her mouth. Lovebirds. Somehow you knew that at some point, you would be cornered and made to tell the story with necessary details. If only so that she would have digs in the arsenal of sarcasm at a ready. Ignoring the desire to run away, you answered the question:

“Mostly discussing how strange it all is. You know, us of all people, getting a chance to be the heroes” sensing the apprehension rise again, you added, “I feel like if they knew their fate is down to us… they’d be terrified,” a chill running up your spine.

Suddenly uncomfortable, you inched closer to Neil, using his raised arm to lean into his side and find solace. He understood the intent in a second and pulled you nearer, shooting you a quick concerned look. Questions were no doubt coming after.

“And I wouldn’t blame them,” Wheeler agreed with your grave statement with the usual pensiveness, “Normally I don’t get this jittery before missions… but this one feels more important” she stared at the horizon, lost in thought.

With the anxious thoughts waiting around the corner, you searched your head for anything to light up the mood. A stupid joke or a snide comment. But there was nothing.

“Like something could go wrong?” Kat interrupted your train of thought with the simple question.

Alarmed, you looked up to notice the two women exchange a tense look. It really could go wrong. The worst type of wrong.

Neil sensed the way you stiffened, for he pressed his lips to your temple and gave you a quick kiss. His hand tightened the hold over yours, increasing the feeling of being protected. Got you. As always.

You barely noticed when the airlock opened again. Or when another person walked into the room and took off the oxygen mask.

“What’s all this then?” Ives looked around with the eyebrow raised pointedly.

With the whirlwind of emotions, the only thing left to do was to plant your face in your palms, groaning loudly. What the fuck.

Feeling the questioning gazes of everybody else, you slowly raised your head and asked the soldier with blatant tone:

“Could you be any more British?” a mirrored arched eyebrow for the additional effect.

Maybe he was the distraction you needed. The final piece in the puzzle.

No bullshit taken as Ives grinned and gave you the showpiece bow borrowed from The Crown.

“Top of the morning to you, luv” straightening, he raised his hand to tip off the invisible top hat.

The snicker coming from Neil was the only response you ever needed as you rolled your eyes and hid your face in his chest. No point in pretending.

“Couldn’t sleep?” stroking your back slowly, Neil asked the question.

You appreciated how he accepted your sudden need to be comforted. With the careful touch running up your spine, gently scratching the skin, your thoughts slowed down to an acceptable white noise.

“Yeah. The bunk beds are fucking awful, and I’ve no one to cuddle me” it was the neutral way he said it that made you break out into a violent laugh.

The kind when it is increasingly harder to catch your breath, yet the lightness permeating the chest makes everything worth the aching diaphragm and tears running down the cheeks. You heard Kat follow suit, the light giggles bringing hope you wished to find in the darkness of the night.

“Sorry mate, I’m taken,” Neil shrugged, gesturing towards you.

From the comfortable position, you could make out the smirk on Ives’s face as he threw the remark:

“Traitor,” he sat down on one of the empty chairs and noticed, “Anna will be heartbroken, mind you” a passing glance at the two of you snuggled on the sofa.

At the reminder of the receptionist, you sighed heavily. Because yeah, sure, there was nothing to regret in the best turn your life could have taken. But spiteful looks and cold treatment from Anna were not on the list of things you wanted to keep on experiencing.

As if following your line of thoughts, Neil waved his hand dismissively:

“Oh, she’ll get over it,” you grinned at the hint of irritation in his voice, “Plus, it’s not like I’ve ever promised her anything… Not my fault this one came along and stole my heart,” placing his palm on your thigh, he gave you a loud smack on the forehead.

You raised your head in time to see Ives look as if he was close to getting sick on the floor. For once, you could not blame him.

“Dramatic much,” glaring at Neil, you bopped him on the nose with a poker face.

The only sign he noticed was the deepening state of perplexion visible in his blue eyes.

“Who’s Anna?” Kat’s innocent question was the one to throw you out of the strangest conversation and back into the present moment.

Exchanging a glance with Neil, who shrugged as though permitting you to share the tale, you began. Right where it started for you, with the flirting over the admission papers on that first afternoon. Omitting the more private details of your story, and with Neil’s help with the background, you have managed to entertain her with the account of all things Anna. By the end, Kat was looking at you both with eyes wide and cheeks wet from laughing.

It only got better with Ives and Wheeler contributing to the discussion with tales from the past and anecdotes of their missions long before you came into the picture.

When the silence finally fell again, it was less charged with tension. Sipping a second cup of tea, you rested your head over Neil’s chest, comfortably curled up and content.

“What do you want to do after this?” Wheeler asked the question after a beat with a smile on her face.

Nothing needed clarification. An attempt at making the morning seem less daunting. A spark of hope for after – the magical space where you desperately wished to find yourself already.

“Go to a pub and get pissed” Ives grinned from over the rim of his mug, devilish sparks lightening up his blue eyes.

Too tired to react, you chose to sigh heavily and catch Wheeler’s bemused glare as she scoffed:

“How typical” she rolled her eyes and smiled at you as though sharing a private joke.

Men.

“I was planning to invite you along, but now I’m not so sure” the solder cut back with a feigned sulk.

“I’d rather catch up on all those missed boxing classes,” the retort coming without a second missed, causing a giggle to rise in your throat.

Who knew team banter would be the cure for all ails?

That and the steady embrace, holding you close with hands resting on your knee and waist. Letting you know that no matter the future, he was there. All yours.

“Boring,” Ives murmured the response lowly, earning shooting daggers from his second in command.

You felt Neil chuckle as he rested his chin on the top of your head, observing the conversation silently. Your eyes fell upon Kat, a little separated from the idiotic narrative that overwhelmed the four of you. Suddenly feeling a wave of sympathy towards her, you asked:

“What about you, Kat?” as your eyes met, you sent her a small smile.

“I want to go home to Max and finally live my life without that fear of Andrei lurking in the shadows behind my back,” the candid answer whispered almost shyly, “Sorry, I’ve made it all dark-” she added, looking at the rest of you with panic.

Before you could jump in with reassurance, Ives spoke up:

“It’s alright,” he countered her embarrassed look with a stone-cold resilience, “I offer to shoot that fucker on sight if he somehow comes out of this alive” a shrug to complete the proposal.

The genuine grin on Kat’s face was unmissable.

“Appreciated” she nodded curtly as if to mask the initial reaction.

Before you could ponder on it for too long, Wheeler broke the silence again:

“Neil?” her gaze slipped over you once again, the smirk still hiding on her lips.

You felt him raise his head, tightening the hold over your waist as if it was necessary. And then…

“What I want to do is between me and my girlfriend,” the cheeky undertone making you blush instantly and slap him across the knee in an ill-fated attempt at chiding.

That spark of curiosity not easily diminished, however. You made a mental note to ask him as soon as you were alone what that meant. Because, admittedly, doing things with Neil was the height of your wishes too. And most of those were best kept private.

“Thank fuck”

Ives’s candid reply brought you back to the moment in time to hear Neil add:

“-But… I just want to go on holiday. Spend at least a week without stress and the weight of the whole world on my back. And maybe visit my parents… it’s been way too long” the melancholic tone did not get unnoticed despite the panic that crept up your spine.

Following the basic instincts, you lurched forward to be able to look at him. There was no mistaking that confident expression.

“Should I begin to worry? Because ‘meeting the parents’ sounds… official,” you whispered the word with apprehension.

Yes, that sort of thing was probably expected, given how serious he was. But still. The fear of making an idiot out of yourself in front of Neil’s family enough to trigger the anxiety once more. Somehow it sounded worse than dying in the Siberian shithole tomorrow.

With the tense silence that fell, you could almost hear the way the rest of those present were staring at the two of you with curiosity.

“We are official” Neil reached out to brush away the hair falling into your eyes, “We’ll talk about it later. After,” the soft smile administered perfectly, cutting through your worries in an instant.

Maybe you could survive it. Maybe.

“So… Y/N?” at the mention of your name, you looked up at Wheeler.

Right. Diplomatic, subdued answer it is.Somehow it got easier to find the words with Neil’s hand resting on your knee again.

“Holidays would be nice, certainly” stealing a glance at your boyfriend, you exchanged an excited grin, “And maybe some time to walk around London, appreciate life… I don’t know I think I miss the mundanity. Getting coffee on my way to the lecture; visiting random shops and browsing the shelves just because I could. No inverted bullets, no timey wimey bullshit” with the spite thrown in, you left out a long exhale.

That life seemed so far away now. Almost like something out of a dream, rather than your reality before Neil and Tenet. While you would never wish for anything but your current circumstances, sometimes you missed the normality. The lack of danger waiting upon every corner. No necessity to consider fatal sacrifice in the name of love. Normalcy.

“Think you two have travel agency visit booked,” Wheeler commented, looking between you and Neil with a knowing smile on her lips.

Using the most basic of gravitational pulls, you turned to face Neil with a hopeful look. With how close you were seating, only inches of space left between your faces. Despite the tiredness and insomnia, he was utterly stunning, taking your breath away within seconds. A part of your brain wanted nothing but to press your lips against his, mindless of the audience. As though using the same wavelength, Neil glanced at your mouth for a split second, causing a resurgence of butterflies in your stomach. They never seemed to get a rest anymore. Sharing one last long look, you nodded at the unasked question and awaited his response:

“Mhmm… I like the sound of that” another happy grin and a hand grasping yours tightly, “But now, I think we should try sleeping” stifling a yawn, he finished the tea and stood up to wash the mugs.

Using the slightly awkward silence, you jumped up from the sofa and sent the rest of the group a grateful grin:

“Thanks for this… whatever this was” shrugging lightly, you felt a wave of gratitude fill your chest with warmth.

Suddenly the morning felt a little less terrifying. Perhaps for once, you did belong. For once, you were not alone.

“Always up for chatting shit on the eve of the battle” with the bemused smirk on his face, Ives got up and gave you a quick pat on the back.

You only registered that Neil was back by your side when he placed his arm over your shoulder protectively:

“One could even say… that the real treasure is the friends we made along the way” it was the casual way he said it that made you look at him incredulously.

“Is that… Disney?” with your eyebrows knitted together, you tried to find remains of coherence.

Again: what the fuck.

“Maybe,” shrugging, Neil grinned at Ives as if nothing happened.

“Are you regretting your life choices?” the soldier ignored him and stared at you without a shadow of emotion discernible.

With the overwhelming tiredness and brain cells dying one by one, it was easy to choose.

“Maybe,” parroting Neil, you grabbed his hand “You, with me” without protest, you steered him towards the exit, “Think you need rest,”

Just before you could zip up the airlock after the two of you, Ives’ comment broke the silence:

“Take care of each other out there. I want to get an invitation to that wedding” he shot you a serious look, hiding the concern evident in the blue eyes.

Biting harshly on your lip to prevent the sudden need to run back in there and hug him, you raised your hand in mock salute:

“Yes, sir,” a final nod of understanding before you closed the door.

It would be alright. It had to.

#tenet #tenet fanfic #neil tenet #neil x reader #neil tenet x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

[arielsodyssey]

Hi again. At first, thank you for a long and thorough answer. It's always nice to speak to an educated and intelligent person and to have a good discussion. I think I should clarify a few things as I didn't do it in my previous message.

I'm sorry if you feel targeted by my emotions here, that wasn't my point to talk about you specifically, it's just I often see people who talk about communism who never actually lived in a communist country.

I'm talking primarily about Ukraine, as I live here my whole life and I have a lot to tell about it. My parents and our relatives also lived here, so I really have a perspective of life here for past several generations. And we're not some kind of rich guys, no, just some lower and middle class people.

Can you please also tell where are you from? So I also can get your context. Because what you told about 80s being the highest standard of living here is just not true. Of what I heard from my parents (and not only them) that was the time when the Soviet economy started to stagnate and move to its collapse, as the deficit was ubiquitous. You couldn't just go and buy some really simple stuff like clothes you need, you had to know someone who could procure it for you. If you're really interested, I can tell you more life in soviet union from inside.

What I am trying to tell you is that now even poor people in our country have a higher standard of living than 40 years ago.

I see what you're telling me about the communism itself as a theory. And I agree that there are good things there, but only in theory, as history showed us it just doesn't work on humans on a large scale (like state-wise). There are very good examples for comparison in Eastern Europe. Like, take for example countries like Poland or Czech Republic, they were under soviet influence but not under their direct rule. And now there's higher standard of living there than here. Or another one, the Baltic states (Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia). They were only occupied by the soviets in 1945 (thus they had more time to develop themselves) and they are much more developed countries now then any country that was in soviet union for all time of it's existence.

Another thing I want to mention is that I'm not defending capitalism here. It's shit and we can really see it now. What I'm trying to tell is that communism will not solve all our problems (like, we tried and it was awful). We as society have to invent something new.

Another point you made about soviets uprising Russian economy and society. Let's not forget as it was like one century ago, and there were also many other countries even in Europe which were as you told peripheral, poor and unequal. Take Scandinavian countries, for example. Of what I know from thier history, they were really poor and underdeveloped in 1900s, especially Norway, as they only got thier independence. And we can look at them now, being probably one of the best countries to live in. And there were no communist rule in that countries! But they still did it, didn't they?

After all these words I want to tell that I won't unfollow you just because we don't agree on some points. I see you're a nice person who is ready for proper discussion, so we both can enrich each other. Have a nice day!

Hi anon, I'm happy these asks haven't become contentious, and no, I have never lived in a socialist country (I was born and raised in the United States). I'm also very interested in your perspectives and experiences, however, your claim "that now even poor people in our country have a higher standard of living than 40 years ago" just isn't reflected in the statistical data:

The first graph shows a tremendous drop in gdp from 1989 to 1999, with mild gains in 2000 and 2001; the second shows income inequality more than double between 1988 and 1995; while the last graph shows life expectancy drop from 70.5 in 1989 to 67.3 in 1999, while fertility rates dropped from 1.99 to 1.3 during that same period. These figures were pulled from a source which, as far as I can tell, appears to be very pro capitalist (not because I'm trying to be unbiased- I don't have access to an interlibrary system right now and I had a hard time finding free academic papers which didn't use 1991 as their start date for analysis).

Similar graphs I've looked at have shown a nearly nonexistent unemployment rate in 1991 balloon to double degits in the mid 90s, and today that figure still sits at around 9%. I'm sure you're aware that the country's population has been declining rapidly, and when you factor in high death rates, low birth rates, and economic migration in search of better job opportunities, it becomes easy to understand why.

Do you think that maybe your perception of socialism/ capitalism may be in some ways influenced by Ukraine's lack of self determination under the Russian dominated USSR? Because this is absolutely a valid criticism, and one of many criticisms I have of the USSR. When I reference marxism, socialism, or communism, I'm not talking about building a time machine to return to what was, I'm talking about learning from the missteps and mistakes of the past while building off of what worked, in the hopes of building a better, more equitable, post capitalist society in the future. Which is something I think you want too, since you mentioned your disillusionment with capitalism.

And learning from/ building off of the mistakes of the USSR is something Cuba has been doing as well. It unfairly gets compared to the United States, though even then it has favorable comparisons (lower infant mortality rate, higher doctor to patient ratio, etc.). A more fair comparison would be the other Caribbean island the US obtained in its war with Spain, Puerto Rico (where my family is originally from), which had an 11% unemployment rate in 2020, 43% poverty rate, and an inability to restructure its crippling debt or procure emergency relief in the face of natural disaster (see: hurricane Maria). Economic migration from the island has become so pronounced that there are now more Puerto Ricans living in New York than in Puerto Rico.

Before dismissing marxism as a "failed" relic of the past, it's important to remember that capitalist governments fail all of the time. It's also important to remember that these revolutions typically occur in the poorest and most thoroughly oppressed and exploited countries within the capitalist system. Expecting them to immediately compete with rich European and North American capitalist nations (which became rich by exploiting them) is an unfair comparison.

Instead of focusing on gulags, foreign domination, or whatever other negative associations you have with the USSR (many of which, again, I would consider fair and agree with you on), why not focus on the issues you see with capitalism, and potential solutions towards solving them? Because really, that's what Marxism is all about- pointing out the problems with capitalism and looking for ways to fix them. Do you think the people should have a say in the economic development of their country? Do you think they should have control over its resources? Do you think they should have a voice in their workplace? Do you think everyone should be able to have a dignified life? That no one should be poor, starving, living on the streets, or forced into sweatshops or other dangerous and exploitative conditions to survive? If you answered yes to all of these, you're probably more of a marxist than you realize.

If you really want to know what Marxism is about, you should probably start by reading Marx and Engels (wage labour and capital is a good introduction). I try to be thoughtful and thorough in my replies to asks on tumblr, but honestly, I have my limitations and it's taken me a very long time to reply to these.

#💖 #communism asks