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solarwonux · 3 years

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Payment Due! || Jeon Wonwoo

Pairing: Camboy!Wonwoo x f!reader || sex worker au!

w.c: 56.1k

Genre: smut, fluff, angst

Warnings: fluff, angst, exhibitionism, dom wonwoo, best friends with benefits, mutual masterbation, oral sex, (f receiving), spanking, daddy kink, mentions of multiple orgasms, sexting, mentions of nudes, cum eating, penetrative sex, semi-unprotected sex, slight cum play, mentions of squirting, mentions of sex toys, dirty talk, wonwoo with a belly piercing,

Synopsis: HYBE U one of the top highly prestigious universities in the country. A shit hole, a total money making scam that liked to sucked the life out of its students. Not being able to meet the funds to pay for your tuition your best friend lets you in a little secret. A way he’s been keeping afloat for years now, easy money. The problem is you want in.

a/n: I decided to just upload the entire story together, so it’s easier to read for some when binging lmao. It won’t open on the tumblr app but if you open it on the web app it should work. Just copy and paste the link to browser. Once again, I’m thankful to those who have already read, and left the lovliest feedback. I am taking a slight break from writing at the moment as I get my life situated over here once again. So I hope this holds you all off until them. As always enjoy and let me know your thoughts. xxx

m. list

Payment due.

The small times new roman font on the white sheet of copy paper stared back at you, laughing. Your eyebrows furrowed in disbelief, hands shaking as you took in the amount you needed to pay by next Friday. The amount due had doubled since last month’s tuition payment, and asking for a loan was the last thing you wanted to do. You had barely been able to pay the one you took out during the last semester of your undergraduate. Taking double shifts at the campus cafe and losing sleep wasn’t enough to pull enough funds.

It was a week before graduation when the financial aid office rudely threatened to hold your diploma hostage until you made the last and final payment. It was a stupid piece of paper, one you could’ve probably had Wonwoo photoshop for you if you were really that desperate. You almost asked him too, until you remembered the amount of sleep you had lost, the number of tears you had cried, and the aches in your fingers from the amount of twenty-page papers you had to write. It kept you from caving into his request. The reason why you called your mom crying, begging to help you pay the last tuition payment. In which she agreed, voice hoarse with tears herself.

“Honey, I told you that no matter what I will always help you out when you’re struggling. You’re my daughter and I am insanely proud of you for doing something I couldn’t achieve so of course I’ll help you out.” She said.

When you received the notification stating that your mom had deposited money into your account. You swore you had never felt such relief like you weren’t carrying the entire world on your shoulders anymore. You felt light and the sweet taste of your hard-earned degree coating your taste buds sourly was indulging.

You swore you would never go through that torture again, you were free. Finally joining the adult world for real this time. That is until graduation day came along. You woke up with a stomach full of nerves and a heavy heart. You cried the entire time you got ready for the ceremony and just an hour before you were supposed to receive your diploma you submitted your graduate school application. One you had been working on for weeks as an alternative because in truth you weren’t ready to fully enter the adult world, fresh out of college and jobless. Which is why you found yourself back at square one.

For the first two semesters of graduate school, thanks to your spotless 3.9GPA the Writing and Rhetoric program had sponsored you and paid for your tuition. Life was good. You were doing what you wanted. Working a job you actually liked as a writing tutor in the English department, and money wasn’t a problem. That was until one of the writing professors was caught sleeping with the dean’s underage daughter. As punishment, the English department’s funds were cut to almost half. You lost your sponsorship and your hours were cut.

It was like the world was out to get you. Like you were repaying some past life karma because every time life got easier and you were riding a high something would happen and you’d be knocked down a few steps. Nevertheless, you managed to get a second job, working part-time at the bookstore by campus. It didn’t pay enough but combined with your paychecks from the writing center. Paying your tuition wasn’t half as bad as last time, at least this time you didn’t have to ask for a loan. You were getting by, barely, but it was enough to survive.

That is until now.

You didn’t understand how the amount you needed to pay this month had doubled. It had to be some kind of mistake. You were up to date with your payment plan, never missed a payment so why were you being asked for more. You knew college was essentially a scam, but you didn’t think it would be this much of a scam. Achieving your dreams was literally milking you dry. You only had enough to pay half of it, and that was only possible because you took in extra students this week as one of the other tutors that worked alongside you got fired.

This was some sort of cruel joke. Maybe the financial aid office was playing a late April Fool’s joke on all students because there was no way a prestigious university like HYBE U was struggling financially.

You place the infamous white sheet of paper down on top of the table and run your fingers across your face. You could feel the stress lines form along your forehead as your eyelid started to twitch. Your day was officially ruined, and it was barely nine in the morning.

“Why the long face?” Wonwoo pulled out the chair in front of you and sat down, a frown embedded deep on his face as he took in your distress. He knew he was a few minutes late, but was that enough to make you want to burst out in tears? He thought.

Wordlessly, you push the bill towards him, confident that if you were to speak your tears would follow as well. He took a quick look at you before shifting his attention to the piece of paper. His eyes landed straight at the amount and he could feel the anger course through him at an alarming rate.

How much more money did this shithole want?

“I don’t know how I’m going to pay this month Woo. I can’t ask my mom for help anymore. She just lost her job and is struggling to make ends meet.” You pause, “Fuck how do you do it?” You blink, pushing your tears away as you bring your palms up to your face, digging them into your eye sockets.

Wonwoo bit his lip and bounced his leg. Your question was one he was used to. Had heard it countless times during the last semester of both your undergraduate’s but was he really ready to tell you his secret? He had done such a good job to keep it hidden from everyone around him. No one suspected that the cute anthropologist major had such a dark secret hidden away and he liked it that way. Preferred it even. No one could judge him or look down on him for the incredulous way he earned money. But seeing you so stressed out to the point that you looked like you were about to faint. Or worse, die, was all the convincing he needed. You were his best friend for crying out loud. You had been the first one to embrace him with open arms when he came out as bisexual. Told him that you were proud of him and that you still loved him the same. Surely, telling you his big secret would be the same. Right?

He sighs and stands up, extending his shaking hand for you to take. “Let’s go, I’ll help you find a solution.”

You give him a wary look before taking his hand and pulling yourself up with his help. “Where are we going, don’t you need help on your research paper on bones or whatever.” You shrug, stuffing the stupid piece of paper in your purse and grabbing the drink you bought for him earlier, handing it to him.

He grabs the drink, brings it up to his lips, and takes a small sip, hissing as the cold bitter taste of coffee coats the inside of his mouth. “That can wait, it’s not due until next Friday anyway.” He looks at the table one last time, making sure neither of you left anything behind before he’s pulling you to the exit.

Determined and a little afraid.

“Wait what?” You stand in front of him, hands on your hips, shocked. You couldn’t believe your ears. He had to be fucking with you. Wonwoo did that a lot, you had fallen for his cruel jokes more often than not and he enjoyed every moment of it.

This was unexpected. His confession went in through one ear and out the other the first time and before you could ask again he reiterated his confession firmer than before. His eyes peeking from the top rim of his round glasses, holding you hostage. You shake your head and start pacing. Wonwoo was your best friend, you grew up with him, you told him all your secrets. There was not one thing about him that you didn’t know so this had to be a joke. It was the only way you could get the pang of betrayal inside of your heart to ease up.

Wonwoo groans and puts his elbows on top of his knees, leaning forward. “You’ve been asking me how I make money for years now and that’s how.” Maybe he should’ve buttered you up a little longer before blurting it out. But the entire walk to his apartment, he had been quietly trying to come up with different ways to word the sentence, ultimately he had fallen short. So that when he closed the door to his apartment behind you, his secret fell out of his lips before he could even stop it. Halting your movements, catching you off guard, with one of your shoes half off.

“So you have sex for money?” You tilt your head and drop down to your knees in front of the coffee table, cringing at the slight rug burning sensation against your jeans. The initial shock was starting to wear off and now you were curious, possibly fascinated that he managed to keep his double life a secret from you for so long.

He shakes his head and leans back into his couch, resting his hands against his stomach. “Not necessarily it’s just me, my hand, some toys, and my webcam.” He shrugs, shifting his gaze to the gaming set up in the corner of his room. Gaming, research and writing essays was not the only thing he did in front of that setup.

“So you’re like a camboy.” You place your palms on top of the coffee table and lean in. “Who knew the innocent Jeon Wonwoo that cried when I accidentally took away his dinosaur plushie in third grade would have such a dirty secret.” The teasing tone laced behind your words made him roll his eyes. Sometimes he wondered why he was still friends with you. Apart from being quite possibly the best friend he could ever ask for, you were also ruthless when you felt like it.

“Yeah whatever, okay. I masturbate in front of a camera for money.” He throws his hands up in the air and lays down on the couch, mumbling underneath his breath, bringing his arm up to cover his face.

A light laugh escapes you as you shuffle around his tiny coffee table and sit in front of him, your finger poking his cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me before, this explains why you were always rushing out of the library every Wednesday night.” You pout.

He brings his arm down, sends you a side-eye glance before turning to face, resting his chin on top of his closed fist. “I was scared you would see me differently. When I first started, it didn’t feel right, like God was going to punish me more than he already has. So it was really hard to grow out of that feeling and then I just didn’t care. But every time I thought of telling you this little voice inside of my head always stopped me from doing so. That maybe this was the thing that would come between us once and for all.”

“That’s ridiculous Woo, nothing in this world will ever make me look at you any differently. But thank you for telling me, even though I felt slightly offended that you didn’t at first. I can see why you didn’t.” You smile, brushing back his hair and fixing his glasses. He lets out a sigh of relief before he turns to lay on his back. His vision focused on the popcorn ceiling above him.

Only a few seconds pass before he’s laughing, uncontrollably. He seriously spent three years of his life worrying for no reason, because once again you were embracing him tightly with no judgment involved. He really didn’t deserve you.

Peace has finally been restored until you hit his arm hard. “Ow, what the fuck was that for?” He sits up, glaring down at you.

“All those times I paid for dinner when you had cash to spare. I’ll be sending you an invoice for all the money that you hustled me out of by tonight.” You reply cheekily and stand up, walking towards his kitchen. He takes a deep breath and falls back onto the couch, head hitting the armrest a little too hard.

He had that one coming, but how else was he supposed to keep you from suspecting anything.

It was nine when you finally finished editing Wonwoo’s essay. Carton’s of take-out stood messily forgotten on his coffee table. He was on his third round of Overwatch when you threw an unused chopstick in his direction, making him miss his final shot before the countdown reached zero.

Angrily he takes his headphones off and throws them on top of his keyboard, cringing at the way it clacks against the keys. “I almost had that, damn it.” He pushes himself away from the desk and crosses his arms in front of him.

You shrug and close your laptop after saving his - your - hard work. “I finished, read it before you turn it in.” You stand up, smoothing out your jeans, and flop down on his couch. “Who knew bones were so…complex.” You sigh, resting your feet up on his coffee table. Forensic anthropology wasn’t nearly as interesting as the movies and Wonwoo made it out to be. It was boring and somewhat gross and if you had to spend another second reading up on it, you were sure you were going to die of boredom.

Wonwoo brushes you off and walks in your direction. “It can wait, I have the rest of the week to look over it, also I love that you find my place comfortable but I need you to leave.” He stops and kicks your legs down gently, throwing off balance.

“I just edited your twenty-page paper about bones and you’re kicking me out?” You ask in disbelief, sinking deeper into his couch, arms crossed in front of you a pout painted across your lips.

“It’s Wednesday I go live at ten every Wednesday, so in twenty minutes.” He brings his phone up to you, stuffing it in your face, in an attempt to prove his point. The bright lights make you blink rapidly as you adjust your eyes to the sudden brightness.

“Why is my mom’s cat your wallpaper?” You peer up at him, confused. It was a picture you had never seen before. Now wondering if your mom was secretly sending him pictures of your precious cat when you had gotten none.

The ultimate betrayal at his finest.

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and stuffs his phone in the pocket of his jeans. “Doesn’t matter, I need you to leave so I can set up quickly.” He leans over and unfolds your arms before pulling you up to your feet. You’re protesting the entire time, making it harder for him but finally he manages to start pushing you towards his front door, gathering your belongings in the process.

“Wonwoo wait!” You exclaim as he’s shoving your shoes into your chest and opening his front door. He stops, hand on his doorknob, door halfway open. He looks at you, his eyebrows closing in annoyance, “I have an idea…a proposition or something.” You whisper, clutching your converse close to your chest, to keep yourself from shaking.

“Can this wait another time? I’ll text you after I finish. It usually just takes an hour.”

“I want to join you.”

There it was.

The words you had been contemplating ever since he told you about his extracurricular activities.

Wonwoo shakes his head chuckling, convinced you were just fucking with him again, and opens the door. “I’ll text you later.” He places a hand on your lower back, in a desperate attempt to get you to leave, but your feet stay planted on the ground.

“I’m serious Woo, let me join you. I need the money, but I’m not confident I can do this on my own. I don’t have to join you all the way, maybe sit and watch so I can get an idea of what to do, but please let me stay, let me watch.” You swallow, aware that the request was more than appropriate. In fact, you were feeling slightly guilty for even thinking of such an idea. It was an invasion of privacy nonetheless but If you weren’t so desperate for money. If your future wasn’t depending on it, maybe the thought wouldn’t have ever crossed your mind. But you need this more than anything. And the thought of starting out alone scared you beyond belief.

He blinks slowly, mouth agape as he processes everything you just said. The clock was ticking. He was well aware and could feel the weight of the minutes going up as he stood there. He wishes he didn’t know you so well so that he could convince himself that you were lying. But no he knew you better than you knew yourself and when you were serious, your hands would tremble slightly, your voice would get lower and your bottom lip would protrude outward in a tiny pout. He couldn’t lie that the mere thought of having someone present with him while he got off for thousands of people to see was arousing. He was more of an exhibitionist than he liked to admit. But he cared about you so much, valued your friendship more than anything. He was afraid that if he did say yes, things would change. And not for the best.

Yet the way you were looking at him, like this was your last and the only option did it for him. The next words that stumbled past his closed lips were unexpected. Everything about this day was unexpected.

“Fine but we can’t touch each other.”

Wonwoo sat down in front of his computer chair shirtless, concentrated as he finished setting up everything. He never showed anything above his lips on camera, it kept his identity a secret and it made it easier for him to get into character. He looked over at you, sitting on his lounge chair in one of his t-shirts and panties. Truthfully, the two of you had seen each other in far less clothing and had showered a few times together for the sake of saving time. This was different though, the second he starts his stream, the second he apologizes for coming on later than usual and introduces you, things would change. The two of you were well aware, but there was something that kept the two of you from calling it quits.

And it wasn’t the need for money anymore. It was the fact that you liked to be watched that kept you from grabbing your stuff and running out half-naked, despite the overwhelming amount of nerves coursing through your veins.

“Are you ready?” He scratches the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. Before you could give him a concrete answer instead of a slight nod of the head he’s typing in the web address.

Pledisboys.com

There’s no going back now.

“Let me know if at any point you don’t want to do it. I don’t start until I get at least five hundred coins worth of donations, so you have time to decide.” He hovers the mouse above the ‘live’ button. “I’m serious, I won’t get upset.” He sends you a reassuring smile.

You roll your eyes and stand up, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. “Just go live idiot.”

As soon as Wonwoo’s chest appears on camera, a clear view of his abs and belly button piercing, the pinging starts. He’s racking up the donations fast, faster than usual, but he supposes it has to do with the fact that he started thirty minutes late.

Gyuishard: was beginning to think you weren’t going to show. I’m so hard right now.

Wonwoo laughs licks his lips and sits back. “Sorry I’m late, something came up last minute.” He runs his hand down his chest, humming as he skims over a few comments. “But I’m here now, you know the drill once we reach our goal I’ll start.”

Dom.Han: are you going to fuck yourself with that sparkly blue dildo, it’s my favorite.

He shakes his head reading over the comment out loud. Your eyes grow wide as his words reach your ears and an audible gasp falls out of your lips. The pure image of him stuffing himself full sends a jolt of arousal through your body. Fuck this was so wrong, you should not be thinking of your best friend in such a way. But alas here you were and you couldn’t help it, despite never harboring any sort of romantic interest in him. You couldn’t ignore the fact that he was hot.

“Not tonight, tonight we are going to switch things up.” He says, and looks over at you, playing with your fingers nervously as you wait for him to introduce you. He extends his hand for you to take, soft eyes meeting yours, silently reassuring you. “Tonight we have a guest and she wants to play with us tonight, isn’t that right Angel?” Your heart skips a beat at the insignificant nickname. The only ever time he used it was to mock you when you were whining about stupid shit, now it meant something.

A hint of your new reality.

Cherrycheol69: SHE? A GIRL? ANGEL? Gam3boivern18: sweet, I’m getting a two for one tonight. Gam3boivern18 donated 100 coins Dom.Han: ngl baby boy I’m a little jealous, I thought we had something special :( The8: shut up dom.han he sent you a nude once, and now you think you’re on top of the world.

Wonwoo ignores the chat, catching a little glimpse of the chaos he just ensued as he pulls you into the frame and sits you on top of his lap. “Introduce yourself, baby girl, let them know who you are.” His hands sit firmly against your naked thighs, thumbs drawing circles as he tries to keep you calm.

You nod and lift up your hand in a tiny wave. “Hi, I’ve never done this before, but you all seem…um…nice.” You sigh and bring your hand down, refraining from slapping yourself as Wonwoo’s chest moves behind you laughing at your antics.

Sexcaliber: idk she’s kinda cute. Sextigerhosh56: honestly, clicked on the wrong stream but I guess I’m staying. Sextigerhosh56 donated 50 coins Gyuishard: Please, I’m so close, this is so hot. Gyuishard donated 300 coins

You giggle, “We haven’t even started yet Gyuishard, wait a while please.”

Gyuishard: fuck she just said my name, I almost seriously came.

Wonwoo shakes his head and taps your hip, signaling for you to get up from his lap. “Alright we’ve reached our goal, usually I let you guys take the reins, but since it’s my baby girl’s first time. I think we can all work together to make her feel more comfortable.”

Cherrycheol69: MY? BABY? GIRL? I THINK MY HEART BROKE. Princejisoo: can we ban cherrycheol69 he’s being extra annoying tonight. Cherrycheol69: I’m in love, leave me alone. Dom.Han: Why don’t you take your panties off baby girl? Dom.Han donated 40 coins

“I think that’s a great idea” Wonwoo reads over the comment and leans forward. His hands grab the hem of his shirt and slowly lift it up, revealing the white lace of your panties. “Why don’t you take them off, show them how needy you are.” He hooks his fingers underneath the band.

You look over at him, giving him a questioning glance. “What happened to no touching?” You mouth at him.

“I’m trying to make you more comfortable.” He mouths back, rolling his eyes before letting go of the band. The elastic slaps your skin, a tiny moan leaves your mouth at the stinging sensation. He knew your pain tolerance was high, but the fact that the slight action had elicited such a reaction from you was sending him in a spiral. Did you like pain?

“I don’t want to take them off tonight.” You sit down on his lap again, straddling his thighs, spreading your legs, showing off the wet patch pooling against the delicate material. You could feel how hard he was beneath you and you found yourself wondering if it was due to the fact that you were in such a compromising position or if he simply just loved being watched no matter what the situation was.

“Touch yourself then.” He whispers, wrapping an arm around your waist lifting your shirt up. He almost wishes he hadn’t agreed to your request earlier. You looked so hot, leaning against him as you skimmed your fingers up your thighs slowly. You had his audience wrapped around your finger, he knew, the donations had instantly started skyrocketing the second you came into frame and nervously spoke your first few words.

You were a natural and he was almost jealous that it had only taken you a few seconds to have everyone worshipping the ground you walked on when it had taken him a full year.

“Woo, are you going to touch yourself too?” You whisper.

The innocent question sounded so dirty when it came from your lips. The thought of getting himself off disappeared earlier when you expressed your interest. He figured he’d make tonight about you, make you feel as comfortable as possible. Yeah, he was turned on beyond belief but his pleasure suddenly took a back seat when all he wanted to see was you making yourself orgasm.

“I want to watch you please.” You begged, circling your index finger around the wet patch, rendering your panties see-through for him and a couple of hundred people to see.

He hums and wraps his around one of your thighs, placing it on top of his armrest, so it wasn’t pressing against his thigh. Enough room to take his cock out and finally touch himself like he had been craving. “You guys want to see me and baby girl getting off to each other?” He leans forward, palming himself through his sweats, while you continue to tease yourself.

Not.Dino: fuck please, I’ll give you my first unborn child for this.

You smile, closing your legs again, and lean forward. You bring your finger up to your mouth, moaning at the slightly bitter taste of your own arousal. “I bet you all want to know what I taste like? Too bad the only other person that’s allowed and can tell you won’t be getting a taste tonight.”

“Fuck that’s hot, don’t do that again,” Wonwoo says through clenched teeth and brings the band of his sweatpants down. His cock springs free hits the little silver ball of his belly piercing. You swallow, mouth salivating as the tiny bead of precum pools against his belly button, and you want to taste him so badly.

He smirks at your reaction and spreads your legs again. “Like what you see? Didn’t think I’d be so big?” He says, voice low and full of lust.

The truth is no, you didn’t think he’d be so big and delectable. The only times you had seen him naked he was soft and you did everything in your power to not look down. Now you almost wish you had, maybe it would’ve prepared you for this moment.

Dom.Han: let him fuck your mouth angel. Gam3boivern18: yeah please, I’d pay all my life savings to see that. Cherrycheol69 donated 300 coins.

“Not today.” He says, wrapping his hand around himself. His thumb connects with his angry head as he spreads around his pre-cum. “No touching tonight, those are the rules. Right baby girl?”

You moan, moving your hand down your body slowly, toying with the waistband of your panties. “Can I touch myself, Woo?” You look over at him, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, lust burning brightly behind his soft, comforting eyes. You don’t know where the question came from, but something in you told you that if you started touching yourself without asking him, the stream would go a lot differently. And you don’t think you’re ready for that. Yet.

He smiles and nods, giving your nose a gentle kiss. “Go ahead, show me how you make yourself cum.”

Your finger hovers over your clothed clit, Wonwoo’s hand moves slowly down his cock. The sight is so dawning, that you almost don’t want it to end. Slowly you start to circle your swollen bundle of nerves, silently wishing you had taken your panties off, but that was a step you weren’t comfortable in taking yet. So you stayed committed.

Whimpers slowly start to fall out of your lips, as the pleasure takes over. Wonwoo’s head is resting on top of your shoulder, groaning lowly against your ear. “Why don’t you imagine they’re my fingers?” He bites your earlobe, pulls at it gently. You moan loudly, drawing figure eights against your clit. “Tell them how it feels.”

You moan. “It feels so good, you make me feel so good.” Wonwoo sends the camera a smirk, the hand that was around you gets tighter. He moves his hand faster, matching your pace.

If someone were to ever tell him that he would be getting off with his best friend in front of a camera. He would’ve laughed in their face. It was almost ridiculous, but now that he was literally witnessing it happen right before his eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder why the two of you hadn’t done this earlier. It was easy, simple. The two of you would never harbor feelings for one another, tried it once and it failed. So it was perfect.

This was perfect.

“Are you a close baby girl? Tell me when you’re about to come, want to watch you.” He says, his grip on his cock gets tighter as he slowly starts to fuck up into his hand. Your fingers move faster, as your orgasm starts to get closer. You’re breathing hard now, unsolicited whimpers leave your lips. You sound so pretty, so innocent and it almost sends Wonwoo over the edge.

“Please I want to cum, please.” You all but beg as you lift your hips into your hands. By now you’re chasing your high desperately, rubbing your clit, humping the air. You’re digging your nails into the arm that’s holding you in place.

Wonwoo moans, circling his thumb over the head of his cock. “Cum baby, please, for me.” He grunts, begging.

Officially he’s decided that he wants to see you come undone on top of him. No, he needs to see you come. So he leans into your ear, whispers something only you can hear and that does it. You’re moaning his name, hips bucking against the palm of your hand, circling your clit fast, riding out your orgasm. The sight is more than he can ask for and without a second thought he’s lifting your shirt up higher, stopping just underneath your breasts as he spills his cum all over your stomach. Marking you so everyone that’s watching the two of you knows that he’s the only one who will ever get to paint you pretty with cum.

Your body falls slack against his, panting. Your hand rests against your thigh as you bury your head into the crock of his neck. He smells clean, like the cologne your mother bought him for Christmas last year, and it makes you feel calm.

Gyuishard: fuck I think I just came like four times. Cherrycheol69: can I join next time? asking for scientific purposes. Princejisoo: shut up, you’re ruining the moment. Princejisoo donated 69 coins Gam3boivern18: fuck maybe pride month isn’t canceled after all.

Wonwoo sits up shaking his head as he reads over the comments. “I think that’s all for tonight, I need to take care of baby girl here. Next week, same day and time.” He says, before clicking the ‘end stream’ button. The little red light disappears engulfing the two of you in darkness.

“You can stay over if you want,” Wonwoo says the second he sees you walk back into the living room, wearing the clothes you came with earlier. “Tomorrow’s Thursday, you don’t get into work until one, so you’d have enough time to get home and change.”

You give him a small smile and grab your laptop from his coffee table and your bag from his couch. “It’s okay, you’d have to sleep on the couch if I stayed. You have a presentation tomorrow morning so it’s alright. My place is literally an elevator ride away.” You say, pointing at his ceiling. The fifth floor was literally two steps away.

“I know it’s just, I want to make sure you’re okay.” He stands up and pulls you into a hug. “Thank you for doing that by the way.”

“It was fun.” You place a hand on top of his chest and push him away. “Kinda want to do it again.”

Wonwoo’s face lights up. He was hoping you’d say that. Honestly after caming alone for three years, it had gotten a little lonely. He thought about having someone join him, but then that would mean he would have to tell the said person what he basically did for a living. Though, now that you had gotten a small taste of a world full of sin and enjoyed it. There was no one else he would rather be business partners with than with you.

“Join me then. We can split the tips evenly between the two of us.” He pauses, following you as you walk towards his front door. “We don’t have to do the same thing we did today, create an outline or something. You’re good at those, but join me. It’s good money and enough to help you pay for school.” He’s aware that he’s pleading. But he couldn’t let such a big opportunity go, not when he had seen the amount the two of you made in less than thirty minutes. He also couldn’t get the image of you orgasming on top of him out of his head.

It felt so wrong that he couldn’t wait to witness it again. That he was hoping he’d be able to see it again. He knew that something had shifted between the two of you. That you were now seeing him in a different light as so was he. But he didn’t care, this was an open opportunity for the two of you. A green light and he was going to take it. All that he needed was for you to take it as well.

You open his door and step out, turning to face him one last time. “I have ideas, I can send you a list of them tonight.” You smirk and stick your hand out at him. “I expect my deposit in the next five mins, or not I’ll literally send you an invoice for everything I paid for the last three years.”

Wonwoo felt on top of the world. Things were vastly changing and he wasn’t sure if it was for the better but he had no energy left in him to care. He left that all behind when he came all over you. Never once had he come so much, so fast and so hard. It was blissful.

“What do you say, partners?” You raise an eyebrow at him, wiggling your fingers in front of him taunting him.

He sucks in a deep breath, his stomach erupting in excitement. He takes your hand in his and shakes it firmly. The silent start of an unspoken contract.

“Partners.”

Wonwoo’s impressed with how well you’re taking everything that it almost scares him. Knowing that you were the type of person to weigh out the pros and cons at least three times before making a decision, especially one of this magnitude. It doesn’t sit well with him when he meets with you after his last class on Friday at the campus cafe, with a giddy smile on your face, bright eyes, and a full-on outline named: The Cam-Chronicles.

He rolls his eyes.

He didn’t think that when you left his place on Wednesday after the whole ordeal went down that you were actually seriously taking him up on the offer to join him. The second he closed his door he felt panicked because he was sure everything had suddenly gone downhill. It didn’t get better when you ignored his ‘goodnight’ text and his invitation to hang out in celebration of a successful presentation the next day.

Now he knows why. As the color-coded outline with the added spreadsheet, labeling different sex positions, sex toys, and their rankings staring back at him in horror. You were so serious and that it scared him because all the perceptions he had of you growing up flew out the window.

“Wait, so you’re really serious about this?” Wonwoo asks, this was his third time asking in the span of fifteen minutes. You couldn’t blame him, this was one hundred percent out of character and you were so close to just backing out entirely. But you already had weighed out the pros and cons of it the entire five-minute elevator ride up to your floor, noting that there were more cons than pros. You almost called him and told him you couldn’t go through with it. Then the sudden buzz of your phone came in. The notification that Wonwoo had sent your share of what you had made through the family and friends feature on Paypal.

In one night you had made twice as much as you would make with your two jobs combined. It was like all your desperate prayers were answered in one single night and you didn’t even have to do much. You felt your heart pick up forgetting about the list of cons you had made in your head and immediately got to work the second you stepped foot in your apartment.

If you were going to go through with it then you needed at least a formal plan. And that involved well thought out research - cosmopolitan articles, Buzzfeed articles, Wikipedia the whole nine yards - a color-coded outline and the dreaded spreadsheet.

“Would I have gone through all this trouble if I wasn’t serious?” You scoff, crossing your arms in front of you as you lean back into the teal-colored booth chair. Your best friend really underestimated you sometimes. The greatest offense in your opinion.

Wonwoo stared at the outline, bottom lip making its way in between his lips. He couldn’t lie it was a damn good outline. The reason he would always beg you to make one for him before every big paper of his. But was this whole situation really that serious for you to produce such a thing? He had been doing it for three years now - alone - and didn’t think much of it. Just followed what his body wanted to feel and hear. Then he clicked over the ‘income’ tab of the spreadsheet, his eyes widened in shock as a bunch of numbers and calculations stared back at him. You never voluntarily did this much math unless it was to figure out how many words you needed in order to fill the minimum word count requirement. Even then it wasn’t as intricate and organized as this.

Split into four weeks, give or take. A rough estimate of how many viewers you would have, as well as how many tips you would make in one night, divided into two. And then at the end of the month the added total of the four weeks. This was too much. Your too much gene had involuntarily taken over and now he wasn’t scared, no he was downright terrified.

“Okay I think we need to set some ground rules,” Wonwoo says warily and closes your laptop. He rests his hands on top of it. “First, calm down and really think about this, like really really really think about this. This is not a game, it’s sex work and sometimes sex work can be dangerous. I wasn’t always as lucky as I am now.” He pauses and takes your hand in his.

“When I first started out, two people on different occasions found out where I lived through my IP address because I stupidly didn’t protect it at first. It was two months of cryptic life-threatening messages and me trying to figure out how to report them to the police without flat out saying I was selling sex on the internet for profit. All I’m saying is that I don’t want you to go through anything like that or worse, because what will happen to me if I lose the one person that’s never turned their back on me.” He finishes, resting his chin on top of your enclosed hands.

You sigh and look around the almost empty cafe. It was Friday so no one usually stayed on campus after their last class. Unless they were you and Wonwoo. The two of you basically lived there getting free coffee from your barista friend Yoongi. A secret the two of you would take to the grave.

Wonwoo had a point. Amongst your research, you had stumbled upon articles that painted the bad side of caming, especially when it came to girls. There wasn’t much about men but you figured if people got as obsessive to the point of committing crimes when it came to cam girls, the same thing could happen to cam boys as well. It was sad and somewhat disheartening, but if you were going to sell your body on the internet you needed to know what you were getting yourself into. And that included the not so pretty stories.

“I know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve thought about this and only this for the past two days. But this is my last resort Wonwoo, this is literally my last option. I need this.” You sigh and rest your chin on top of your arm so you’re at eye level with him. “I’m scared but I’m not as scared I would be if I was doing this alone. And I hate that I have to even say that because I shouldn’t depend on you so much…It’s just, I don’t know what else to do.”

It breaks Wonwoo’s heart to see you so small and defeated. To him, you have always been a beacon of light and hope. You were the one person he knew he could count on if things went to shit because he knew you would always be there for him no matter what. And seeing how this place had your lungs filled with water, slowly sucking the light of your eyes; angers him but it also shatters his heart into pieces. He knew that going down this road wasn’t ideal, and he wasn’t sure if at the end of the day you would be able to handle it. Hell, he barely had. But that decision wasn’t his to make, so the only thing he could do is stay by your side until you made it. That’s if you ever did.

“Fine, but I’m serious we need to set some ground rules.” He pauses and lifts his head. “Things may get slightly easier from here on out financially, but I know how much of a toll this can take on a person, so forget the outline and spreadsheets for now. We need some well-established rules.”

You look over the plain word document, cringing at how boring it looks, fighting the urge to add a few accent colors here and there. The rules were simple enough, only five of them, so far:

1. Consent = Always.

2. Both parties can engage in any sexual activity with one another as long as everything is consensual and safe.

“That’s the same thing I wrote for number one?” Wonwoo said before highlighting the entirety of number two and erasing it. Writing these five rules had taken a lot longer than you had expected. Yoongi had already approached your table telling you the cafe was closing in half an hour. And the two of you had been there, sitting in the same booth, two caramel macchiato and iced americano’s in since four.

“No, mine’s longer, and I added the word safe.” You cross your arms in front of you and tap your fingers on top of the table. If nothing had ever been able to come between the two of you. You were almost positive it would be this.

“Isn’t that like a given though?” He shakes his head and presses the return button, making the rule in question appear again. He would never be able to win against you. You harbored this strange ability to come up with a convincing argument for trivial things, and the last thing he wanted was to be at the receiving end of one of those. Again.

“Whatever number three.” He said, putting a pensive hand underneath his chin.

Your eyes light up as you take your laptop back again, leaving him empty-handed.

3. Change of scenery.

You hit enter and hand your laptop back to him. “I can’t sit on your lap forever. It was fun the first time, but Joshua told me you’ve been skipping leg day at the gym so I’m not sure how long your thighs can hold me up.” You smirk, poking your tongue to the side of your cheek.

“I skipped it once, a month ago because I had to finish a paper, and now he doesn’t let me live it down.” He mumbles angrily before typing a number, “Anyway, if sitting on my lap is too much of a hassle for you then I can just bring in another chair.” He shrugs and taps his fingers against your keyboard. Thinking.

You push the screen of your laptop down, enough to reveal his face. “Nope, I literally mean a change of scenery. We can move your gaming set up into the spare bedroom at my place and make it all cute and aesthetically pleasing for our viewers. It can also help set the vibe. Ya know, dim lights and a bed.” You smile and flick his forehead lightly.

He should’ve known. You never did anything half-assed, it’s one of the main reasons he always got good scores on his papers. If it wasn’t for you, he would’ve flunked out years ago. He hated writing with every single bone in his body.

“Whatever, fine, but does it have to be a rule?” He tilts his head, pushing your laptop screen back up and reading over number three again. The rule felt more like a passion project of yours after your roommate moved out last month. An excuse to finally go out with the old and in with the new.

“Yes.”

Wonwoo doesn’t question it any further and starts typing number four.

4. Wonwoo can come over to play games at any time on any day, no questions asked or complaining.”

He smirks and hands the laptop back to you for you to read. “Nope, that’s not a rule.” You quickly press the backspace and start typing. Wonwoo whines and kicks his foot up like a child who just got denied candy before bed.

“Not fair, how come ‘change of scenery can be a rule but me wanting to game to de-stress can’t be one.”

“I was never going to deny you access to my place, idiot. And you spend half of your time on my couch than you do on yours. So it’s a given, therefore, not a rule.” You say mapping it out for him in the air, with your index finger. He huffs and crosses his arms in front of him, slouching in his seat. He mumbles a quiet ‘fine you win,’ as you return to typing.

4. Exploration of kinks and use of sex toys is allowed, as long as both parties are in a verbal agreement.

“How many of these do we need anyway?” He sits up and grabs your laptop again, reading over rule number four and nodding in agreement.

“As many as we need.”

Wonwoo pauses his fingers for a second before hitting enter and adds the fifth rule. The most important one. At least in his eyes before turning the laptop screen to face you.

“I think that’s pretty self-explanatory.” You roll your eyes, taking your laptop from him. “Remember that one time we actually tried to date because our mom’s wanted us too and we barely lasted two days.” You hit the backspace until the entire line numbered as five is empty.

Wonwoo shakes his head and takes your laptop away from you, typing once again.

5. Catching feelings = big no, everything = platonic.

“Yeah well, I know that. But that was different and this is different too. We aren’t fifteen anymore, we are twenty-four and we’re being a lot more intimate with each other.” He hits and hands you your laptop again.

“I guess you’re right.” You shrug and bite your lip, reading over the rules cautiously. Letting your mind run through the files in your head and the three pros and cons list you made on Wednesday. You almost click ‘save’ before the light bulb on top of your headlights up and you’re back to typing.

6. Under no circumstances is either party allowed to show their face on camera.

You knew that there were certain sex positions in which, showing your face was rather inevitable. But that was exactly the reason why you had created a spreadsheet ranking each of the well-known positions. The semi-safe ones to be done on camera are at the top of the list while the ones that were definitely a big no at the bottom. Forty-six in total. Either way, you weren’t sure if either of you would actually be engaging in sex. Like key in the hole type of sex. Mainly because Wonwoo hadn’t bothered to read the outline, but also you weren’t sure if that was a step you wanted to take with him yet. Maybe later when you were more comfortable with the camera and the new added bonus of your friendship with Wonwoo.

Wonwoo takes your laptop and reads it over, makes a noise of acknowledgment, eyes were blown wide in realization as he starts typing fast. He didn’t want you to make the same mistake he had made a few years ago when his horny brain clouded his judgment and he started a rather intimate relationship with a viewer of his. The guy was far older than him and married, but hotter than any of the campus crushes he had ever laid eyes on. Wonwoo didn’t think much of it at first. Enjoyed the meaningless relationship, maybe a little too much than he liked to admit. Until his sexting buddy started getting way too obsessive and possessive. Demanding Wonwoo to stop streaming, which of course he declined.

No one knew. He continued going on about his life as if he wasn’t ruining a fifteen-year marriage. Like he hadn’t spent weeks going in and out of court to file a restraining order on the guy after he showed up unannounced to one of his lab classes, eyes full of anger and control. It was something he wanted to forget. Forget that for the first time in his life, his mistakes had almost cost him his life. This is why he tried his hardest to get you to back out earlier. If he was barely able to protect himself, then how was he supposed to protect you?

Rule number seven was the now top of the list of the most important rules:

7. DO NOT engage with any viewers privately = not safe!

“I think we are done.” He sits back and pushes the laptop in your direction. You skim through the file, humming along as you read all seven rules silently in your head. It was a habit you did, to make sure things made sense.

“Wait, didn’t you send one of your viewers a nude once?” You question tilting your head to the side, giving him a curious look. Your memory wasn’t as faulty as you sometimes made it out to be. You clearly remember that being mentioned in passing by one of the viewers on Wednesday. Though you knew not to do it. You weren’t as impulsive as Wonwoo was sometimes. You couldn’t help but wonder if something serious had happened as a result of that.

“Jeonghan works with Yoongi. I didn’t know he watched my streams until we had sex at a frat party before graduation.” He waves you off before shutting your laptop and standing up. “He’s the only one I’ve ever sent nudes to, who also happens to watch my streams. No one else so don’t think about it.’

He says sternly, picking up your laptop, walking towards the entrance, waving at Yoongi who was sitting on top of the bar scrolling through his phone. The realization hits you too late. You’re barely out of your seat and Wonwoo is two feet out the door. Your body flushes in mortification as you replay the events of Wednesday and the events of earlier today when you had ordered your first caramel macchiato.

“Shit.” You stand up, pushing your chair in fast before running after Wonwoo, yelling a quick ‘bye’ over your shoulder to Yoongi.

“Wonwoo stop walking.” You pant as you catch up to him. You had barely run ten steps and you were heaving as you had just finished running a marathon. But it wasn’t your lack of cardio - maybe - it was the knowing smirk of the blonde earlier that had your chest feeling tight.

“What’s up?” He popped the ‘p’ like nothing was a big deal.

You point an accusatory finger at him, straightening yourself up. “Jeonghan.” You pant, clutching the strap of your bag to your chest. “The guy who gives me my coffee every now and then was watching on Wednesday…oh my god does he know I was the one that joined you?” You say, panic flashing before your eyes.

Wonwoo laughs and wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Yup, put two and two together and texted me that night so I can let you know that you got yourself a fan.” He starts walking, pulling you into his side.

“That literally goes against rule six.” You whine and hit his chest. It only makes him laugh harder as he leads you down the sidewalk to the parking garage where his lonely car was waiting.

“Don’t worry, Jeonghan is cool, will probably lay down his life to protect you now.” He pauses and turns to face you, hands flying up to your shoulders holding you in place. “But he will probably tease you relentlessly now, so start getting ready because once he starts he won’t stop.” He pokes your nose with his index finger, an amused smile painted over his features. This was literally your worst nightmare coming to life.

“That’s not reassuring at all.”

Wonwoo shows up at your front door, in a navy blue tracksuit on Sunday at exactly 10:10 am.

“What?” You practically yell as you yank your front door open, still in your pajamas. Bedhead, eyes heavy with sleep, your pillow imprinted against your cheek, an old stained t-shirt and sweats.

“We’re moving my set-up today, remember?” He shrugs and walks in, uninvited, like he owns the place. He might as well, it’s concerning how much time he actually spends at your place rather than his. And you’re beginning to think that maybe suggesting to move his gaming set-up to your spare bedroom is a mistake. Now he was either going to show up unannounced more often than not or never leave. To the point he ends up moving in and sleeping on your couch. It’s not a very comfortable one you may add, but now you’re stuck so you might as well let him figure that one out on his own.

“You couldn’t wait until like the afternoon, you know when the world is actually awake.” You yawn and close your front door. He toes off his shoes, leaving them messily next to yours, and makes his way to your couch. Plopping down, resting his feet on top of your coffee table. Each moment that passes by you’re convinced he’s never ever going to leave. And that mere thought has you staring at him mouth agape, horror running past your eyes.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want Wonwoo to live with you. Well, you didn’t. But he wasn’t as bad as you were making the entire possibility of the situation to be.

Wonwoo liked waking up early and wasn’t the quietest at it either. The many times you had crashed at his place either being too tired to actually make the elevator ride, too drunk, or too lonely. The next day you were either woken up by loud music, blasting through his Bluetooth speaker, the heavy stomps of his rushed footsteps, or pots and pans clattering against one another.

You on the other hand were only an early morning riser on the weekdays, took your time to bathe in the quiet and stillness of the time. You followed your morning routine to the ‘t’ in order to get your day started on the right track. Having Wonwoo permanently live with you would disrupt the entire flow. Though, you were getting ahead of yourself, knowing that the chances of having Wonwoo live with you permanently were fairly slim. Despite his most prized possession being uprooted from the comfortable spot in his living room, he respected your boundaries just like you respected his.

“No time to waste, moving it up here is the easy part, building it again is the hard part. Then we have to decorate the room and finally decide on what we will officially be doing on Wednesday.” He stood up and walked over to you. His hands come up to rest on top of your shoulders, “so wash your face, brush your teeth and fix your hair we have a busy day ahead of us princess. Every second counts.”

You groan in annoyance and shove his hands away. “I just wanted to sleep in today.” You mumble, bumping into his shoulder as you make your way past him, walking down the hallway that leads to the rooms. “You could’ve just waited at least an hour.”

“No can do, time is ticking and I’m not getting any younger.” He yells. You flick him off, back facing him. You hear him laugh. Once upon a time, you were the one with a copious amount of energy in the morning, not Wonwoo. But that was back when you were seventeen and still hadn’t gone through your first heartbreak.

The tables sure had turned.

“Was this really necessary?” Wonwoo peers down at you after double-checking the ropes of the hanging swing. His handyman skills were subpar, but it was nothing a quick youtube tutorial couldn’t fix.

“Of course, it’s the finishing touch to the room.” You squeal and let go of the ladder you were holding on to. Not that it mattered. It wasn’t that high and Wonwoo was a tough boy, a small fall wouldn’t hurt him. Your only purpose in staying by his side was so you could keep shouting out your demands at him.

“Alright, then it’s done.” He smiles and climbs down the ladder. Excited, you skip to the entrance of the room.

It had taken the whole day, and now that the adrenaline high was starting to wear off as you looked around the room with bright eyes. The soreness in your muscles made itself known. Helping Wonwoo carry his gaming setup wasn’t easy. It took nearly five trips between your place and his to get everything in your living room. It took five more trips to get everything into your spare bedroom. For him to then start setting everything up. He insisted that you not help him out because his precious babies needed all his love, care, and undivided attention - his words not yours - so you made yourself busy with the rest of the room.

After scavenging Pinterest for different ideas, you had opted out for a simple design when you had mapped it out weeks ago. At first, it was meant to serve as an office now that your roommate had moved in with her boyfriend. But after Wednesday and the more you started to think about it, turning it into a spare bedroom made sense. No way were you going to show off your body online with Wonwoo in a gaming chair and you on his lap.

Your messily drawn-out blueprint did the room zero justice. The neutral colors were perfect, with the random pops of colors. You added a few fake plants - because only God knows how incapable you are at keeping a plant alive - and Wonwoo’s gaming set up taking over the whole front of the room. Who knew he needed so many things to play games. Three monitors, a colorful keyboard, a boom mic, headset, and the PC that glowed white; as requested by you. The only thing that was missing was his gaming chair but you had pleaded with him to leave it behind. The navy blue would clash against the creamy white of your room and though the only people who would actually step foot into the room were you and Wonwoo. You didn’t want the monster of a thing to clash with the vibe.

“Wow, it looks great,” Wonwoo says, now standing next to you as he looks around the room. “Good job partner.” He smiles and raises his hand. You roll your eyes and give him a high five before walking over to the light switch.

“This isn’t even the best part.” You smile, feeling all giddy inside as you shut the lights off and turn on the multiple fairy lights you hung up earlier. They sparkled like the night sky, scattered strategically throughout the room. It made the whole reality of what this room would be used for less scary.

Making an atmosphere in which you felt comfortable was important to you. Even more, now that you were venturing out of your comfort zone, doing something you never once saw yourself doing. Which is why Wonwoo agreed to help you out. Truth be told he had started getting into interior designing, honing a Pinterest account himself with a few boards already created. For months he had been trying to think of ways in which he could improve his setup, there’s only so much you could do to get yourself off sitting in a gaming chair. He couldn’t venture out, explore kinks he recently found himself interested in because he didn’t have enough room. But now he did and the best part, as he looked around the room one last time; he felt safe.

“Our viewers are going to love it.” He says, walking over to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder, tugging you into his side. “Is it bad I can’t wait for Wednesday now, I’m excited to see everyone’s reaction?” He chuckles before planting a gentle kiss against the crown of your head.

The gesture was gentle, simple and something you were used to. It meant nothing but it made a small wave of sadness pass through you because it was just another reminder of how Wonwoo would never be able to be yours. That him being by your side was just temporary because no matter how hard you tried once. You could never harbor feelings for the boys whose arms seemed to live around you. Permanently.

“Which reminds me,” you unravel his arm from your shoulders and walk past him, sitting down on the swinging chair. This was simply added for your pure enjoyment. You figured you could join Wonwoo and work silently on your laptop while he cursed at his gaming buddies through his headset. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do, so partner it’s time for the brainstorming session.” You bring your knees up, resting your chin at him as you meet Wonwoo’s eyes.

He scoffs and shakes his head before exiting the room. “Give me a second I’m going to order food. I can’t think on an empty stomach.” He yells as he trudges his way through your apartment, likely reaching the kitchen and looking in your takeout drawer for a menu.

“Oh, then can you bring me my laptop when you come back.”

“Haven’t I done enough, my body is close to giving up.” He pauses, mumbles something before asking, “Where did you leave it?”

“Thank you, the couch underneath the blanket.”

Wednesday came faster than you expected.

Nervous was an understatement. The entire day you couldn’t concentrate, hands shaking, standing up every five minutes just to walk out your nerves. Though you could blame that on the extra shot Jeonghan had snuck into your caramel macchiato after your morning shift at the tutoring center.

“For your flawless efforts.” He had said with a cheeky wink. You weren’t sure if you should be flattered or downright scared for your life. The subsided paranoia you had managed to control since last Wednesday returning.

The blonde must’ve noticed your reluctance because he added a blueberry muffin to your order and a quiet. “Don’t worry,” before giving you a reassuring smile and thumbs up. It made you feel better but you couldn’t stop looking over your shoulder everywhere you went. A just-in-case gesture to make sure no one had figured out your dirty secret.

It had driven Wonwoo crazy and a little bit afraid. He had found you pacing back and forth as you waited for him to get out of his last class of the day. He all but had to hold onto your shoulders the entire walk to the parking lot. Your hand in his as he drove back to your apartment building, along with reassuring words. The only two times he had ever seen you this nervous was before your fifth-grade dance recital and before your first date with your jerk of an ex two years ago.

Wonwoo held a strong burning hateful desire towards the man. He could never get the image of you showing up at his dorm with mascara tracks tainting your cheeks after you caught him cheating on you with your roommate. Needless to say, you had secretly stayed with him for a month. Slowly building yourself up again, as he tried his hardest not to commit murder.

“Should I wear lingerie?” Your voice brings him out of his memory-filled daydream. He was sitting on your couch, trying to get a head start on homework. But he couldn’t really concentrate with all your pacing.

“I thought we talked about this on Sunday. Simple equals better.” He closes your laptop and sits back on your couch, crossing his legs together as he watches you pace, biting your lower lip nervously. “You’re going to burn a hole in the ground. Calm down and sit down.” He pats the spot next to him, extending his arm for you to take.

“I can’t, if I sit down I can feel the anxiety go up to my throat. This is better, I’ll just pace for the next two hours.” You shrug and continue your movements.

Wonwoo laughs and opens your laptop again. “Suit yourself, the couch is pretty comfortable.” He runs his hands over the cold blue velvet of your couch cushions. As tempted as it sounded. You knew the couch wasn’t as comfortable as he assumed it to be. You had the neck pain after nights of binging and falling asleep on the couch to prove it. But you had no energy to focus on telling him because it was deeply rooted in something else. Something that had been bothering you since you woke up that morning.

Will you be able to do it again? Or was it just a one-time deal and now your libido was broken because of your nerves? Or will the viewers like it? You know they loved Wonwoo’s solo streams. You had gone back to watch a few after Wednesday - that’s something you will never share with Wonwoo - and you joining him was just a spur of the movement type of thing. To get a feel of things and earn some money for your tuition payment. They probably weren’t expecting you to be back again and so the last thing you wanted was to disappoint Wonwoo’s viewers and ruin his career of sorts.

“Hey!” Wonwoo yells, making you jump. A throw pillow hits you square in the face.

“What the he-”

“Stop talking, stop pacing, stop thinking, and just sit down. I can feel your anxiety all the way over here.” He points between the space separating your bodies before standing up. “You’re going to be fine, the show’s going to go great and I’ll be there the entire time. You have no reason to feel so nervous.” He takes a hold of your shoulders, holding you in place.

“But…but what if…yo-”

“No stop, it’s not that serious stop taking it so seriously. Everything is going to be okay.” He pulls you into a hug. His hands splayed out across your back, moving in soothing circles.”I’m here.”

Instantly you relax into his arms, take in his scent and close your eyes. Sometimes Wonwoo liked to joke about what would happen to him if you weren’t in his life. You would always answer back jokingly that he would probably die and he would always agree. It was the same for you. The role he played in your life was far greater than what you once imagined. The day he wasn’t anymore. The day he found someone to love wholeheartedly just like he always dreamed would be hell for you. But instead of focusing on that, you always cherished every single moment he spent with you, like this one. You in his arms, him telling you that everything was going to be okay. It was all you needed to make your anxiety and nerves go away.

It was your secret antidote.

“Hello everyone, welcome to Wednesday night in Woo’s game room.” He smiles wide. His baby oiled chest glistening on the screen. Immediately the pinging starts. “Alright y'all know the drill we won’t start until we reach our goal.” He pokes his tongue against his cheek as he leans back on the bed, spreading his legs.

Dom.Han: my favorite boy is looking extra delectable tonight. Dom.Han donated 100 coins. gyuishard; HOLY SHIT ROOM GOALS!!! gyuishard donated 50 coins. BOOtang16: I miss ONE stream and now everything’s changed.

Wonwoo laughs and sits up again, elbows against his knees. “You guys like the new setup, baby girl helped me with it. Her eye for interior design is way better than mine.” He laughs lightly and extends his arm, signaling for you to come in on the screen.

You stand up from the swinging chair, take a deep breath, tug on Wonwoo’s old light-washed band t-shirt and slowly make your way to him. Quietly you sit down next to him, crossing your bare legs and resting your shaking hands behind you. The nerves weren’t as serious as they were throughout the day, but they were still there.

Gam3boivern18: sweeeettttt! I was totally hoping for a two-in-one deal tonight. Thank you, God or whatever for answering my prayers. Gam3boivern18 donated 100 coins. Dom.Han: I was hoping to see you again baby girl, you too look delectable. Cherrycheol69: can’t say I’m not a little disappointed, but my heart broke a long time ago so I’ll just say. Cherrycheol69 donated 50 coins. BOOtang16: OKAY NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN’T HAVE MISSED LAST WEEK I AM…SPEECHLESS.

You giggle at the comments, hiding your smile behind your manicured hand. Wonwoo wraps an arm around your shoulders and tugs you into his side. He had been extra touchy since your whole pacing fiasco in your living room. Every time he sensed your nerves spiraling he would bring you into a hug in order to calm you down.

“Baby girl here is a little nervous to be joining us permanently from now on. Afraid you guys won’t be as welcoming as last time, but I assured her that you guys would accept her either way.” He speaks into the camera, circling his thumb over your shoulder soothingly.

Sextigerhosh56: HELL YEAH YOU GUYS ARE MY FAVORITE Sextigerhosh56 donated 100 coins. Sextigerhosh56: CAN’T WAIT, I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED. Cherrycheol69: all in favor of banning sextigerhosh56 say I Cherrycheol69: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Princejisoo: shut up cherrycheol69, you’re just jealous it’s not you fucking our lovely Woo. Cherrycheol69: pffft…not true Gam3boivern18: shut up y'all are ruining the vibe.

You smile reading over the comments. Somehow reading them made you feel a lot better. Wonwoo was right, this wasn’t as serious as your mind was making it out to be and that revelation alone was the most reassuring thing you’ve had running through your mind all day.

“Don’t fight guys, we’re just here to have some fun.” You click your tongue and uncross your legs, parting them enough for your shirt to start ridding up. Satisfied, you watch as the chat runs wild, and the pinging gets louder. If it wasn’t for the fact that you and Wonwoo, individually, had separated into different rooms to get yourselves riled up before the stream. You were positive that the sound of the tips coming in and the lewd comments were enough to get you aroused and ready.

Wonwoo’s arm gets tighter, his hand coming to a stop. “Wow, it didn’t even take ten minutes for us to reach our goal, I guess it’s time we start. What do you say, baby girl, ready?” He looks down at you, lust burning deeply behind his glass-coated irises. He was hungry and by the way, he licked his lips, he knew that you were too.

“Yes, ready, t-”

Wonwoo cuts you off by crashing his lips onto yours. It was slow and carefully calculated just like everything Wonwoo did when it didn’t come to school. He tasted like your toothpaste and him. This was only the second time you had ever kissed Wonwoo, the first time being during your two-day relationship back when you were fifteen. Back then the kiss was nasty and sloppy. Two desperate teenagers, excited to finally have their first kiss.

This was different. It was full of passion, desire, and hunger. It took you almost a full ten seconds to finally kiss him back and when you did you felt them. The sparks you weren’t supposed to feel for someone that had the best friend title, but you did and it made you want to kiss him more. So you did, harder, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He groaned against your lips, letting his hands travel down the side of your body until they reached the hem of his t-shirt.

You pull away for a second, your chest heaving as he searches your eyes for any sign of rejection. “Take it off.” You whisper, diving in once again and kissing him. Your tongue swiping across his lower lip, asking, no, begging for access. He smirks and pulls away, making you chase his mouth with a whine.

“Not sure if our viewers are worthy of seeing your body yet.” He smirks looking into the camera, his eyes scanning the comments.

You bite your lip, running your fingers through the hair resting on the nape of his neck. “Do you guys want to see me naked?” You ask, the innocence lacing every one of your syllables together. Wonwoo’s hand on your waist gets tighter.

This was a new kind of torture for him and he wasn’t exactly sure why?

gyuishard: fuck please, I’ve been dying to see her naked since last week. It’s literally driving me crazy. Gyuishard donated 100 coins. Not.Dino: please I’ll give you my first unborn child. Sexcaliber: take a shot every time Not.Dino says he’s going to give up his unborn child for sex. J____HUI27: pass, don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning.

“I don’t think they want it enough, Woo.” You pout.

“You’re right baby girl, it seems like they don’t want to see you cum.”

Dom.Han: as a representative, I speak for everyone when I say that we want to see you naked. Gam3boivern18: I second that Sextigerhosh56: I third that BOOtang16: I kinda fourth that.

Wonwoo shakes his head, making a sound of approval before turning to face you. He moves his hands up your body, along with your shirt. He sucks in a breath when he sees your mint green panties and your lack of bra. He brings your shirt over your head and throws it behind you, landing on the swinging chair. Your pure laugh gets caught in the back of your throat when you feel his lips take in your nipple. His tongue circles over the bud, the air in your lungs falls short.

You pull him closer, brushing your fingers through his silky black hair. He sucks on it, humming in delight. He lets it go with a pop, circles his tongue over the hard bud a few times, locking his eyes with yours before moving to the other one. This was not in the outline the two of you created Sunday night, but you weren’t going to say anything because this felt like heaven.

“Oh…Woo, feels good.” You whisper. He laughs against your skin, the vibrations send a sweet pleasurable shiver down your skin as you tug on the roots of his hair. He moans and lets go of your nipple, connecting his lips between the valley of your breast as he kisses up your chest, then your neck until they finally meet your lips. His kiss is far more desperate than before, his large handles fondle your breasts gently, massaging your nipples with the palm of his hands.

He doesn’t give you a second to deepen the kiss before he’s pulling away and standing up. His hard length strained against his black sweatpants. He doesn’t break your eye contact as he cups his hard cock and slowly moves his hand, teasing himself for you.

“Do you want to see baby girl? Do you want to see me touch myself like last week?” His chest is falling and rising fast. You’re sure it matches your own as you nod your head, spread your legs even further for the camera to see the wet patch of arousal spoiling your favorite panties.

“Use your words.” His hand moves underneath the waistband of his sweats, pulling them low enough for just the hot tip of his cock to appear. The image is enough to have you cumming untouched but you keep your desires at bay. After all, you weren’t allowed to finally touch yourself without his permission.

His minor dominating kink was something the two of you had discussed on Sunday. It wasn’t Christian Grey-possibly-in-need-of-therapy, dom kink. But it was sweet and gentle and enough to want to get on your knees for him.

Cherrycheol69: please don’t leave him hanging baby girl, I’m DESPERATE over here!

“I want to see you touch yourself Woo, please, for me.” You bat your eyelashes at him. He’s the only one that can see and to know that no one else is able to see your eyes. And the sparkling desire for him hiding behind them was everything to him.

His own tiny little secret.

He says nothing and brings down his sweatpants. His hard cock hits his stomach as he kicks his sweatpants away with his feet. He runs his hand over it a few times before sitting down, elbow holding him up behind him. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan, hands itching to touch. That was a line the two of you agreed to not cross. Yet. How could you keep your promise when he looked so nice and pretty pleasuring himself. For you and a few hundred strangers to witness.

“Can I touch myself now?” You play with your fingers as he keeps his gaze on you while running his thumb over the head of his cock, spreading around the tiny bead of precum that was oozing out, wetting himself.

“I don’t think you deserve to yet, kiss me and we’ll see.” He hooks an arm around your neck and brings you close, planting his lips against yours again. He doesn’t waste any time as he opens your mouth, snaking his tongue inside your mouth, moaning as his wet muscle hits yours. He sucks on your tongue. The crude sounds of pleasure send a wave of arousal down your legs and you’re getting needier by the second. The scenario you painted for yourself earlier while the two of you were getting ready and in the mood fell short. Because this was far sexier and hotter than whatever your fantasies consisted of.

He pulls away, a string of saliva connecting both of your lips. He smirks and lets go of your chin, letting his hand go down your body, leaving behind ghost touches as he reaches the band of your panties. “Take them off for us, we all want to see how wet and pretty your pussy is.” He says and pecks your lips. His hand leaves your body, making you shudder as you stand up slowly.

Gam3boivern18: I want to say something but I’m so turned on right now I’m speechless. Not.Dino: you just said something. gyuishard: every time I see you two I cum more than usual. Not.Dino: this is the second time they go live together. You just have no self-control. Dom.Han: you guys talk too much. I request a private show ;)

You laugh while scanning the comments and slowly bring your panties down. The camera can’t see the mini-show you’re putting on. But Wonwoo can and his loud grunt is enough for you.

Once they’re off you sit down next to Wonwoo again, the flimsy material hanging from your index finger. “Want them?” You ask, extending your arm so they’re hanging right in front of his face.

“So naughty baby girl.” He snatches them and throws them to the side, making a mental note to steal them from you once the show is over. You had enough. One less wasn’t going to put a dent in your panty collection. Wonwoo sits up and grabs your leg, resting it over his thigh. Your wet pussy is on display for the camera to see and he wishes he could just touch you to feel how much you wanted him and his cock. But he restrains.

Another time.

“Go on touch yourself, make yourself feel good for me and our viewers.” He taps your thigh lightly before going back to pleasing himself.

“I’m so wet, I bet everyone wants to feel and taste me.” You smirk, your hand traveling down your body, slowly getting to its desired destination. “Do you want to taste me, Woo?” You look over at him. He looks so fucked out already and you wonder what he would look like if he was inside of you.

He doesn’t answer you, instead quirks his eyebrow at you. You were going off-script, so unlike you. But he couldn’t ignore the way his mouth watered when you asked him the forbidden question. So, you take matters into your own hands and run your index finger along your slit, coating it with your essence before bringing it up to his lips.

Princejisoo: can’t say I’m not jealous, that pretty pussy looks so wet and good enough to eat. Princejisoo donated 200 coins.

Wonwoo smirks and takes your wet digit in between his lips. Your sweetness explodes against his taste buds, he’s never tasted someone so sweet before. And now he’s sure he’s going to be craving you every hour of the day.

Fuck he really shouldn’t have let you do that.

“Good?” You tilt your head to the side, your finger wastes no time connecting with your clit. You massage it gently waiting for his response, and it comes sounding far sultry than you expected.

“Delicious, can’t wait until the day I get to devour you.”

“Be a good boy and it might just be sooner than you think.” You wink at him, circling your entrance with your index finger.

He hums and leans forward. For a second he had forgotten that he was doing a show, he had gotten so lost in you that it had fled his mind. “You guys have been so quiet, cat got your tongue?” He smirks, clicking his tongue.

Cherrycheol69: yes, ripped it right out of my mouth…fuck. Sextigerhosh56: for a second I forgot how to be. Omg. Gam3boivern18: that kiss is gonna live in my mind rent free…fuck

Wonwoo smiles, still moving his hand up and down his cock slowly like it’s a leisure activity such as gaming. “How about baby girl fingers herself? Get her begging for my fingers.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, the pings start up again. The chat erupts into chaos, almost becoming invisible from how fast it is going.

“I guess that’s a yes, go ahead angel, fill yourself up.” He leans back on his elbow again. One hand finds the thigh he has hooked over his leg and he gently starts trickling his fingers up and down.

You insert one of your fingers inside yourself gently. It barely stretches you out but it’s enough to have you panting again. You move it slowly, keeping your eyes on Wonwoo. Challenging him. He starts moving his hand up and down his length again, this time more determined.

“How does it feel?” He forces out as he swipes his thumb over the head of his cock. It’s so red, oozing with precum, it makes your mouth water. You’ve never craved a cock in your mouth before until now. The mere thought of it caught you off guard, but the image was so vivid in your head that it had you moaning.

“Good, wish they were your fingers, Woo.” You take a deep breath and move your finger faster, wishing you could go deeper.

“Add another finger, stretch yourself out for me.” He instructs. His hand lets go of his cock and starts fondling his balls. He’s so close to cumming he needs to distract himself from letting go so soon. He doesn’t want to spoil the fun by finishing first and leaving you hanging, especially when he couldn’t touch you the way he wanted to.

You nod and insert your middle finger inside of yourself. The slight stretch is blissful. You don’t miss a beat before thrusting them in deep until they meet the soft squishy spot inside of you. Your whimpers increase in volume as you continue to please yourself for him. The coil forms in the pit of your stomach, making your fingers go faster.

Dom.Han: she’s so close, touch her clit baby boy.

Wonwoo reads out loud before turning to face you, a glint of mischief buried behind his soft eyes. You’re so desperate to cum, that you don’t care what happens from now on. So you nod your head, grab the hand resting on your thigh and bring it over to your pussy.

He swallows and connects his fingers on top of your clit, massaging it fast. You moan loudly, arching your back, thrusting your hips into his hand and yours. The added pleasure is mind-numbing and your orgasm washes over you, spilling over your fingers and down your thighs.

“Holy shit,” Wonwoo whispers, his fingers helping you ride out your orgasm as your body twitches from your high. He can’t stop himself anymore, you literally just squirted in front of him. The image is now ingrained in his brain forever, adding it to the content he uses to get himself off when he’s alone. And he cums, painting his hand and chest, your name falling short at the tip of your tongue as he stops himself from moaning it out.

The last thing the two of you wanted was your name all over the internet. That was his secret. His pleasure, not anyone else’s.

You rest your head against your shoulder, panting as you regain your energy. Wonwoo kisses the crown of your head before leaning forward.

Gam3boivern18: y’all can stay taking my money, cuz FUCK THAT WAS HOT Cherrycheol69: I think I might be in love with you two now. gyuishard: is it possible to be hard again, I literally just came for like the 5th time. BOOtang16: I’m never missing a stream again…FUCK! Princejisoo: that was sexy, doll, thank you.xx

Wonwoo shakes his head at the comments, wiping his hand with the t-shirt he had discarded before the stream started. He reads over the comments one last time, keeping you close, running his hand soothingly down your arm, before showing off his perfect smile to the camera. “That’s it for tonight, I gotta take care of baby here. Come back next Wednesday we might have a surprise for you all.” He hints the teasing tone in the back of his throat doesn’t go unnoticed as the chat once again erupts in chaos.

He laughs, waving slyly, and shuts down the stream.

“Are you okay?” He wraps both of his arms around you, pushing your hair away from your face.

You give him a small smile before nodding your head. “I want pancakes.”

“Then we’ll get pancakes after I clean you up and you drink your water, sounds good?”

“Perfect.”

The delicious scent of pancakes hits your nose, overwhelming your senses the second you and Wonwoo step into the 24-hr Diner. It was empty apart from the drunk college freshman shouting nonsensically at the bar, hitting on the hostess unapologetically making you cringe. Wonwoo grips your elbow through your grey hoodie, grabbing your attention.

“What’s wrong casanova?” You tilt your head as you take in his angry scowl. He’s fuming, smoke erupting from his ears as he watches the whole scene play out. You lift your hand and wave it in front of him, worried. The only time you had ever seen him this angry was…well you’ve never seen him this angry and it makes something inside of twist in displeasure.

Instead of questioning it even further you grab his arm and yank him to a booth in the far corner of the diner. Away from the bar, away from the drunk college freshman, and away from the hostess. His gaze doesn’t leave her, his lip caught in between his teeth until you force him to sit down. His back facing the commotion.

“Who is she?” You ask, taking a seat in front of him and eyeing the paper placemat in front of you. Itching to draw, to doodle, to do anything with your hands to keep you from looking up at him. The last thing you wanted was to give yourself away. To let him know that something inside of you had changed after tonight. It was confusing. It was driving you crazy but you figured you were still basking in the afterglow of the fulfilling high you experienced earlier. That it didn’t mean anything other than the fact that you were still slightly needy and desperate for his attention.

He shrugs and takes the salt shaker in his hands, circling the rim with his finger. “Maya, we’ve been in the same classes since junior year of my undergraduate, she’s my lab partner.” He smiles gently, runs a hand across his face, knocking his round specs away from his nose, laughing.

You freeze. Wonwoo has had crushes on people before. You remember the first time he told you he was head over heels for this guy in his general science course a week after he came out to you. You remember how giddy and nervous he was when he first asked him out on a date. How embarrassed he was when he told you that he was more than positive that he was the one. And how heartbroken he was when they seemingly drifted apart.

But this was different. This wasn’t a crush. This was something far deeper than that. Suddenly you weren’t sure if you even wanted pancakes anymore. The thought of your favorite comfort food, doing anything but comfort you. You felt like throwing up, but you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat.

This was nothing. Whatever you and Wonwoo had was nothing and the only reason you were reacting this way was because you turned into a fucking clingy child after sex. Always. It was what drove all your previous partners away.

You nod and fold the paper menu in half, opting-out in reading any of the house specials. Keeping your shaking hands from being discovered was your only goal right now. “You should ask her out then, or save her from those idiots.” You clear your throat, patting your chest gently. He lifts his head immediately and shakes it in dismissal, which confuses you even further.

“I’ve tried, I always end up saying something stupid and embarrass myself.” He sits back in the booth and throws his head up. His eyes squint as they catch the light. Your mouth opens in shock.

Wonwoo, the Jeon Wonwoo, the smooth talker, the one that has no problem making people blush with his words, the one that told you all those dirty things earlier gets tongue-tied?

“That’s ridiculous, you’re incapable of embarrassing yourself. Just pretend you’re talking to me or something.” You mentally slap yourself for even suggesting it, especially now that your emotions were all over the place.

“I can’t do that.” He exasperates and crosses his arms, glaring at you. It brings shivers up your spine. And not the pleasant ones you felt earlier when he kissed you.

You stop folding the menu and set the tiny paper boat in front of you. Your head is spinning, similarly to when you were orgasming under his touch. But this time it feels like you’re about to faint with the way your heart is being pulled out of your chest. You move your hands and set them on top of your thighs. The perspiration coating them lets them stick onto the leather booth.

Wonwoo is watching you gently, his eyes following every single one of your moves. He’s sure something is wrong. The excitement of the promise he made to treat you to pancakes topped with peanut M&M’s is non-existent. In fact, you look almost pained and struggling to breathe and for a second he’s beating himself up for not going the extra mile in the entire aftercare process. Even though you told him you were fine he should’ve listened to his gut instead because he knows you’re not, and it’s all his fault.

“Why can’t you do that?” You pause chewing on your lip, tilting your head cautiously. He shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak. Probably to ask what you meant but the words stop in the back of his throat before he can even get them out, your voice is chiming against his eardrums, pitch higher than usual.

“Why can’t you talk to her like it’s me?”

“Oh,” Wonwoo says, he shifts his attention as the hostess - Maya walks by your table and rounds the bar to whisper to the red-haired waiter behind the bar. He’s cute but you don’t let yourself fantasize over him. Not when Wonwoo watches the entire interaction with a half-hearted smile, his nails gripping his navy blue sweatshirt and it makes you notice the way the emptiness digs its claws into the pit of your stomach.

Is he jealous? Are you jealous?

You take a deep breath and clear your throat, catching his attention. He must have it bad if all it takes is for her to walk by him for him to turn into mush. You raise an eyebrow waiting for his answer. One you’re not sure you really want to hear, but need to hear either way. It may seem like some sort of cruel punishment, but it only serves as a reminder. A way to bring you back down to Earth to remember your place in his world.

“You’re my best friend and she’s someone I think I’m in love with.”

There it is.

It stings. You aren’t going to lie but this isn’t the first time Wonwoo has ever broken your heart, but just like all those times before you’ll take a few days to wallow in your pity, put back the pieces of your heart that stubbornly fell out. And go about your day with your head held high.

“Then I’ll help you. Let me be your wing woman.”

“No.”

“What?” You ask taken back, leaning against the backrest of the booth. “Why not? You’ve done it for me many times, let me repay the favor.” You cross your arms in front of you, scowling at him.

“It’s weird.” He shrugs, looking around the lonely diner. It was the right amount of retro without it seeming too cheesy. The wall of black and white pictures and the checkerboard floor tiles, though, made him dizzy if he stared at them for too long were his favorite. When the two of you were both freshmen because your classes and schedule didn’t coincide. The two of you would meet up every Friday night, taking turns buying one another strawberry milkshakes.

He witnessed a lot of firsts in this particular booth. His first failing grade ever - you laughed at him telling him that he was insane for choosing to major in Anthropology if he couldn’t pass Anthro 101. He witnessed his first love and heartbreak. And the first time he saw you in a brighter light. Where his thoughts took him to a dimension in which the two of you were more than just friends. He ignored you for an entire month after that revelation. Convinced himself that his feelings for you were just a spur-of-the-moment thing. His heart was broken, he was just caught up in the moment when you treated him to a post-celebratory heartbreak meal.

After that month, everything went back to normal. His tiny slip was just that - a slip-up. And he was able to function properly again. Though, ever since that night or revelating month, he vowed to keep you and his romantic life separate. He appreciated your offer but knowing how easy it was for you to offer your services to him, made such an unpleasant feeling form in the pit of his stomach.

He hated it, so he declined. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t. If it was meant to be, then it was. But he would do it all on his own.

“I already have it all planned out anyway.” He finally looks at you. It had taken him longer than usual to compose himself. “You’re a little too late.” He chuckles, trying to ease the tension in the air. You look taken back, maybe he had said something he wasn’t supposed to. Or maybe you truly wanted to help him out, after all, it had been almost three years since your last relationship. Wonwoo knew that you reveled in experiencing romance through the eyes of someone else, too afraid to experience it on your own again, after last time.

A hopeless romantic scared to love is what you were.

You huff, “That sucks, I seriously was seconds away from pulling up my first date Pinterest board.” You laugh, uncrossing your arms, setting them on top of the table. The tension that had built around the two of you was long gone and forgotten.

“By the way, where’s our waiter? You promised to feed me and I refuse to eat without milking you dry.”

“You know that sounds a lot dirtier than usual.” He says, placing his hands on top of the table, weaving his fingers together. “If you wanted to go longer, you could’ve just said so.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively, cracking a teasing smile making you roll your eyes in annoyance. There he was again, Wonwoo and his dirty mind that never seemed to take a pause no matter the situation.

“Get your head out of the gutter. You hustled me out of my own money for years. I’m simply getting my revenge.” You smile smugly, flicking the paper boat in his direction. He dodges it, making you huff in annoyance. Maybe you’ve forgotten how crazy good his reflexes are. Product of growing up with you and your masochist ways.

“If you wanted a sugar daddy all you needed to do was tell me.”

“In your dreams Jeon Wonwoo.”

It felt good, walking out of the financial aid office without a care in the world. On Thursday morning - afternoon - because thanks to Wonwoo and your waiter for taking forever to bring you your food the night before. You had slept in missing your morning class and the first hour of your shift at the tutoring center. Thankfully you hadn’t used the doctor appointment excuse too many times to deem you terminally ill or something, but they had bought it and told you to just make up your hours on Friday afternoon.

Could’ve been classified as some sort of punishment to others, but to work on a Friday afternoon only meant five hours of free time, so you didn’t mind. This is why you decided to stop by the financial aid office, before the mid-afternoon rush. Handed in your personalized strawberry design check, paying for this month’s tuition payment and half of the next months. Excited for the next payment notice to show up in your mailbox. Knowing you won’t have a problem in paying, a tiny flex you would only be showing off to yourself.

It felt so good, your worries disappeared and the only thing running through your mind was how to tell Minghao - your boss at the bookstore - that Saturday would be your last day. A bit unprofessional, but it wasn’t like you were getting many hours to begin with and it wasn’t like he was your biggest fan. If it weren’t for your constant emailing and care packages, he wouldn’t have hired you in the first place.

A win for the two of you, but you’d leave that worry for Saturday. Right now a celebratory matcha latte was calling your name and an empty word document. Your paper for your Nature of Evil class wasn’t going to write itself. And you had put it off for two days now, despite it being due in a week. A head start never hurt anyone.

“Good day Princess?” You jump, clutching your bag up to your chest, alarmed. Was it obvious you were having a good day? Probably the best day you’ve had in years and if it was so obvious who the hell is trying to mess with your vibe?

Jeonghan that’s who. The streaks of his bleached blonde hair fell in front of his eyes, his painted smirk taunting you. “You could say that.” You shrug, quickening your steps in an attempt to get away from him. Rule number seven replaying through your head like a movie reel. Regardless of Wonwoo’s reassurance that Jeonghan was basically harmless. The most you had spoken to him was your coffee order, so how truly harmless could he be? You didn’t know him the way Wonwoo did.

You weren’t the one he was messing with, in the bathroom of a frat party years ago.

“Saw you basically skipping out of the financial aid office, no one has ever done that. It’s usually promises to commit arson or tears.” He counts on his hyper-mobile fingers and tries to keep up with you. Not that he struggled much, he and Wonwoo were tied in the freakishly long legs category of life. “So what made you so happy?” He asks, putting his arm around your shoulders, tugging you into his side.

You stumble and look up at him through hooded eyes. “I’m nowhere near an impossible amount of debt anymore so I’m celebrating.” You stop in front of the front steps of the campus cafe.

“Hmm, job pays you well then. Happy I could contribute.” He teases, removing his arm and walking up the steps, leaving you behind dumbfounded. Of course, he knew the answer. He’s the only one apart from your best friend that knew about your secret side job. And Wonwoo did warn you about his relentless teasing, you guess this was just the start. Jeonghan opens the door, holding it open with his foot, extending his arm around to you. “Come on, whatever you want is on the house.”

“Wouldn’t you get fired? This is the second thing you give me on the house.” You trudge up the steps and walk past him. The smell of cold brew and stressed-out college students hits your nose. It made you feel all warm inside. For someone that complained about HYBE, the shackles it had around you never faltered. You loved this place, it felt like a second home. After all most of your growing up was done under the Universities name. It was sucking you dry but it oddly held a special place in your heart.

Fuck, you were seriously messed up.

“Can’t be fired if I’m my own manager, plus I know Yoongi gives you and Wonwoo discounted coffee and his least favorite customers watered down coffee. Still the best employee I’ve ever had.” He takes hold of your arm, leading you further into the cafe, turning the heads of various students. A few glares sent your way, making you gasp in realization.

This place was always full to the brink. Its employees were some of the best-looking people on campus. You were more than positive that they used that fact to their advantage. No wonder Jeonghan wasn’t mourning the loss of a free drink, he’d be able to replace that loss in seconds. Unless he gave out free drinks to everyone. In that case, he was an idiot but you weren’t going to complain.

One less dent in your bank account.

“I don’t get in for another thirty minutes, so sit and I’ll run to the back real quick and make you anything you want.” He points to an empty two-seater table, pulling your chair out for you. “What do you want?”

“Cold, Matcha latte with oat milk.” You whisper, a little stunned if you were being honest. A little overwhelmed. Jeonghan’s interest in you wasn’t evident until the first stream on that wretched website. So why was he so interested in you now? Was it to get insight on Wonwoo? How would you break the news that the boy in question was head over heels for his lab partner? Wait, was he interested in you?

“Great, five minutes tops, don’t go anywhere.” He sends a gentle smile in your direction, draping his apron on the back of the chair opposite to you, and walks away.

What the fuck is happening?

“You’re cute when you’re laughing.” Jeonghan dots, his chin rests on top of his palm looking at you softly. Embarrassed you sputter, bringing down your delicious matcha latte. Thankfully you hadn’t taken another sip of it yet, because if you had you would have spat it out on the fake blonde in front of you.

Jeonghan was in the middle of telling you how his roommate Joshua accidentally bought a month’s worth of rent of beads to make bracelets for his Etsy shop. Convinced that the seller had somehow scammed him and he didn’t notice because checking his bank statements was something he didn’t do often. Jeonghan had almost kicked him out when he saw the three large boxes in front of his door. Didn’t end up going through with it because although the shelf in the living designated for Joshua’s beads haunted him; the bright side was that Joshua’s Etsy shop was booming.

It made you laugh so hard, picturing your new friend’s face as he opened up the boxes only to be met with thousands of yellow smiley faces and colorful flowers. Prompting him to comment on your laugh. Thankfully your blushing ability was not noticeable because you were feeling extremely hot and a little bit flattered.

“Thank you.” You smile, bringing your cold palms up to your cheeks in an attempt to cool you down. This only makes Jeonghan more interested, his smile growing as he leans in closer.

“Don’t get a lot of compliments?” He tilts his head, blowing a stray strand of hair away from his face. His attempt fails because in seconds it was falling over his right eye once again. You shake your head. Apart from Wonwoo who only complimented you to tease you, no one had ever complimented you so sweetly before. Not even your last boyfriend who treated you like a mantelpiece rather than a person or his girlfriend.

“Bummer, you deserve to be showered in compliments.”

His flirtatious ways were getting a little too much for you. It made you question what his true intentions were. “What exactly do you want Jeonghan?” You raise a brow at him, fingering the straw of your drink. “Why talk to me now when you had thousands of chances before?”

Jeonghan sits up, shakes his head, chuckles, and crosses his arms. “Wonwoo’s not here right now.” He states, runs a hand through his hair pushing it back. “It’s a free for all, I don’t have to fear for my life if I talk to you, cause he’s not here right now.” He places his hand on top of the table, tracing the circular ring of water your drink left behind.

Taken back you sit up, moving your drink to the side, resting your elbows in front of you. “What? I’m sure he could care less who talks and who doesn’t talk to me.” You brush him off, waving a hand in front of you. What kind of excuse was that?

A sound of disbelief escapes him and he leans forward again, copying your movements. “You can’t be that clueless Princess. Why do you think Yoongi discounts your coffee and waits for you to leave after he’s closed no matter how long it takes you sometimes?”

“Cause he’s nice, shit I don’t know.” You shrug, not following his train of thought. “That has nothing to do with Wonwoo and you talking to me now.” You roll your eyes, growing slightly more annoyed by the second. “And I’m not clueless.”

“I think you are. Yoongi’s never once made a move on you because of your best friend. The second Wonwoo learned about his little crush, he threatened to break his face.”

You scoff, shaking your head. “No, Wonwoo’s not like that?”

“Are you sure you know him as well as you think you do? When did you find out about his side job?”

That catches you off guard because a part of what he was saying was true. After Wonwoo’s first real relationship, something about your friendship had shifted. That month where he left you questioning everything was hell. Things were good when he finally spoke to you again but not the same. He still kept you close but at the same time at a distance. He didn’t confide in you as he did before. Even this whole mess the two of you found yourselves in, was totally out of character. You wish you knew everything that went on in his mind, but you were sure he himself didn’t know what he was thinking either.

“Exactly.” Jeonghan chimes, taking you out of your confused spiral.

“Okay hypothetically, let’s say he did do that, what would be the point?”

“Princess, think a little, please. It’s painfully obvious.” Jeonghan lets out a groan. His hand threading through his blonde locks again. This time, clearly frustrated.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not following.”

“He’s painfully in love with you.” He says like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was painted across everyone’s forehead and the back wall of the cafe. It makes you laugh because that’s the most ridiculous thing you have heard today and it puts a slight damper on your day.

You worked all night, pushing aside the feelings you felt for your best friend last night after the stream. The last thing you needed was for them to resurface.

“Impossible.” You take a sip from your drink. “Wonwoo did warn me about your teasing, I should’ve prepared myself for this.” You place your drink down, sighing as there wasn’t much left, and he had brought you the largest size they carried.

“It’s not a joke. It’s true.” He whines. His mouth formed into a pout. “Why is that so hard to believe? I think it’s rather normal for friends to eventually somehow find themselves in love with ea-”

“Jeonghan.” You cut him off. The sternness of your voice catches him off guard and he’s left with his mouth wide open, the words dying against his tongue. “Drop the subject, he’s in love with someone else.” You say, trying your best to mask the sadness in your voice and the lump forming in the back of your throat. You cried for thirty minutes last night after he walked you to your door.

Thirty minutes was all you allowed yourself to cry to get it all out of your system. It worked but now you weren’t so sure.

“Sorry.” The blonde looks down, mumbling something underneath his breath. Your heart feels for him. After all, you can only assume that his intentions were pure and he thought he was doing you and Wonwoo a favor. At least, he knew now the truth and could erase that twisted fantasy from his head.

“It’s okay.”

There was a moment of silence that blankets both you and Jeonghan. Neither of you are sure if you should speak after an awkward encounter. Neither of you know where to start or if you should just get up and leave. Jeonghan only had about five more minutes before he had to officially clock in.

It takes a few more seconds, you counted them exactly to the beat of the pop song that was playing through the cafe speakers before you open your mouth to speak. Jeonghan beats you to it though. Always a man that had to get his firsts in, unless he wanted to explode. That much you had figured out.

“Give me your number, always wanted to ask but never got the chance.” He fishes out his phone from his pocket, unlocks it, taps on the phonebook icon, and slides it over to you. “Plus I have a few ideas and pointers you can use for next time.” He smirks looking at you smugly.

“Maybe I’ll listen to them.” You pick up his phone, type in your number before handing it back to him. “Don’t expect a percentage of our shares though, I’ve already invested too much math into this and the last thing I want is to do math again.” You joke, taking the last sip of your latte before handing him the empty cup as well.

“Wasn’t planning on it, A shout-out would be nice though or a nude dedicated to me.” He says, busying himself, saving your contact, and sending you a text. Your phone lights up next to you making you smile. Quickly you unlock it and save his number.

“Works calling but I’ll text you tonight.” He stands up tucking in his chair, taking your empty cup with him. “Oh, hi Wonwoo,” Jeonghan says, surprised, swallowing thickly. Hopefully, he hadn’t heard him asking for a nude. He’d like to keep his beautiful face intact.

“Clocking in?” Wonwoo cocks an eyebrow, adjusting the strap of his book bag. Jeonghan nods takes a look at the clock and sidesteps him fast. The promise for a discount on his drink falls short as he starts disappearing through the lunch rush crowd.

You giggle, finally taking out your laptop and placing it on top of the table. Wonwoo scoffs, retrieving his life-threatening glare, and shakes his head mumbling something underneath his breath before taking a seat in Jeonghan’s seat.

“You’re out early, I thought your lab didn’t finish until like four.” You open up your laptop, swipe your fingers across the mousepad waiting for it to wake.

“What’s going on with you and Jeonghan?” He says bitterly. It throws you off. Jeonghan’s previous comments seeping through your mind. Creeping like haunting thoughts. But again it was impossible, Wonwoo didn’t see you that way. He never had.

“Nothing, just friends.”

Typing in the last period of a lengthy essay was one of the most satisfying things ever. It signified an ending and all your hard work. What was better was the sigh of relief you let out after typing in that period. Like the entire time you were researching, writing, citing turning over sentences until they sounded perfect in your head, you were holding your breath. You didn’t have much experience with love, hell you have never come close to feeling actual love. But the feeling you would get after that last period. After you scrolled up and watched all your hard work, everything that came from your brain zooming across your eyes felt a lot like love.

Or maybe it was pride? That you alone were the one able to pull out these sentences, paragraphs from your brain so uniquely that it screamed you.

Though, that didn’t mean you loved writing. The actual act was hell. You spent more time erasing sentences and paragraphs without hesitating, grounding you back to square one and an empty word document. But once you started, no one could get you to stop. It’s like the words flowed out of you like a never-ending stream until you reached that final period. Until that sweet sigh of relief and that swell of pride formed in the middle of your chest. That’s solely the reason why you kept writing, the only motivation apart from the fact that you knew you were confident with words. It was something Wonwoo envied.

He didn’t have anything in his life that he felt like he could show off. He didn’t have anything in his life that motivated him and kept him going. He didn’t have any of that. Sure he loved Anthropology. He loved that between the two of you the only one that really understood its complexity was him, but even then that didn’t satisfy his greedy hunger. That was until he went live with you.

Honestly, Wonwoo couldn’t really explain it. He was more than positive his heart belonged somewhere else. But he had never once looked forward to having sex with someone before or in this case fool around with someone before. He liked the act, thought it was cool, but the number of times he was left with blue balls and having to rub one out himself was embarrassingly high.

Often times instead of engaging in sex, he preferred to get himself off. He already knew what he liked and didn’t like. He didn’t have to stop someone from blowing him because they weren’t using the right amount of teeth to get him off. He was free to do what he wanted, free to explore himself safely and without judgment. Which is why he started streaming. The added bonus of being watched with the possibility of people touching themselves to the way his body moved and reacted. The dirty words that came spewing out of his mouth, made it all worth it. It’s what kept him going. He reveled in that feeling and loved it so much he never wanted it to stop.

But now he did. You had only joined him for two shows and he couldn’t get you out of his head. It was like you had pitched a tent in the middle of his brain and refused to move. He found himself thinking of you in positions he only read about in the Kama Sutra book he kept hidden underneath his bed. Bookmarking positions he wanted to try out with you and only you. Everything was so confusing because he was so convinced that he didn’t feel anything for you. He made sure of that. So why was he feeling slightly jealous that he found you and Jeonghan talking?

It only got worse with his promise to text you later.

That had been nearly two hours ago. You were off in your own little world, probably getting a head start on that essay you had been complaining about all week. While he couldn’t even open his portal to look at all the assignments he likely had due tonight. His fingers wouldn’t budge. Not that he needed to do much; it was a simple click away, sitting prettily, decorating his bookmarks bar. But he was so dazed, frozen, and distracted, more so confused that he couldn’t function properly.

So he decided to do the only thing he knew how to do without fail. Bother you.

“I have a date on Saturday.” He clears his throat, covering his mouth with his fist. It was true. Since his lab class was let out early due to a mistake in the lab printouts. He decided to pick up his balls from the floor and finally ask Maya out. She looked so cute. Her cheeks were red like apples as he stumbled through his words, nervously.

He’ll admit it. Not his smoothest interaction with her. Actually, none of the interactions he had with her were his smoothest, but he did it. His heart almost escaped his chest throughout the entire fiasco and he swore it stopped when she agreed.

Your fingers came to a halt when you finally took in his words. A part of you wanted to stand up and yell an I told you so in Jeonghan’s direction. If it wasn’t for his budding in, you wouldn’t be feeling the slight break of your heart.

Okay, fuck, maybe you did have feelings for Wonwoo, but what did it matter?

The two of you could never be. It has been proven in more ways than one. At this point, the only thing that actually worked between the two of you was friendship and the cam show. Though, now it was presenting a problem. If Wonwoo gets a girlfriend, where did that leave you? Where did that leave the show? How would you survive the remaining semester of your graduate school career knowing you were inevitably going to be left in a debt you’d spend the rest of your life paying?

This was so fucked, but whatever you would survive.

You always did.

“That’s great.” You say, voice higher than usual in an attempt to hide your bitter tone. He doesn’t question it, nor seems to notice your slight change, So you continue. “Where are you taking her?” You close your laptop and set it to the side. You couldn’t give yourself away. You already felt like you were on a thin line regarding your friendship. It would only end up getting worse if you showed no interest. And you were not even in the slightest.

“I haven’t thought about it that far. Was hoping you’d help me or something.” He shrugs, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

God, you wanted to smack them off his face.

“Thought you said that it would be weird.” You tease, wiggling your eyebrows at him.

He scoffs, “No that was when you tried to help me ask her out, I already did that part. Now I just need help on the actual date part.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on top of his laptop.

“I don’t think I can help you though.” You sigh, “I don’t know her like you do so I won’t be able to tell you where to take her.” You state, tugging on your earlobe, playing with the astronaut-shaped stud you insisted on wearing that morning.

“Well, what do you like?” He asks, unbothered, unaware that it’s literally tearing you apart inside. Sure, he didn’t know your feelings. In a way you yourself didn’t know the magnitude of your feelings. Deeming them as insignificant, convinced they will go away in a few days. But right now wasn’t that day and you were dying a little inside with everything that came out of his mouth.

“Why do you want to know? You aren’t taking me on a date.”

He shrugs, takes a sip from his water. Earlier he had gone and asked Jeonghan for some water. You couldn’t but laugh at how annoyed he looked when he realized Wonwoo wasn’t there to buy anything, just some free water. “Girls aren’t that complicated. You all like the same thing more or less.” He sets down his cup and leans back in his chair. “So out with it. What do you like?”

Oh, how wrong he was. But what did you expect? Wonwoo belonged to a male species. He still had a one-track mind and was completely clueless. He was definitely better than any of the ones you had the unfortunate privilege of knowing. Thought a little more and was a little more careful. But he was a man and still the same. You didn’t have enough energy in you to correct him on how wrong he was, so you ignored it.

“No cliche first dates like dinner or the movies, especially not the movies. They always strategically buy the expensive popcorn, pretending to care for a handsy in the back row. Not a fan.” You take a deep breath. Wonwoo bites his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing. He knew you were right. He had tried that trick more than once, always ended up with the most unpleasant orgasm and a perfectly good bowl of popcorn covered in cum. Needless to say, he wasn’t a fan of it either.

He wasn’t sixteen anymore.

“I like effort when they take me to places I’ve raved about but don’t tell me they’re taking me there, because it shows me that they actually care and pay attention. That they’re actually interested in me and aren’t just trying to impress me because they want to have sex with me.” You finish knowing you’ve probably shared too much or nothing at all. But if you could save someone from an unpleasant date, even if that meant giving up. You’d do it in a heartbeat.

Everyone deserves to feel loved.

“Do you have a favorite date?” He says, his voice faltering a bit. Unknowingly nervous about what your answer might be. He ignores the way his stomach twists, ignores the nausea. He’s conducting research. Research was his main priority right now. He was determined to give Maya the most amazing date ever.

You shake your head and open up your laptop. A distraction is what you needed, even if it meant staring at your empty word document. You had made a little dent in your essay, erasing the same sentence over and over again because Wonwoo was being too distracting.

“Never, no one has cared enough to make an effort.” This time you do sound bitter and you make sure you make it known. But there’s something else, lingering in the back of your throat. Something only Wonwoo seems to catch and he feels his heart fall a little. You sounded so heartbroken, so defeated. For a second Wonwoo regrets he’s even asked, but at the same time, he’s happy he did.

This was something you had never shared with him. And that’s undeniably his fault. He made you feel like he didn’t care to know, brushed off all your angry rants about your unpleasant dates. Didn’t take notice when the foundation of every relationship you had ever been in started to crack until it was too late. Until you were crying in his arms and he was fuming.

It finally became clear to him. He didn’t know you the way he thought he did. He should’ve known the second you asked him to join him on his cam show the first time. There were endless layers to you and you only kept adding more as you got older.

He felt stupid and worthless because after a lifetime he had only tried to uncover three.

It took a brief bathroom break, a matcha latte, and a blueberry muffin to recover from the awkward air that was left between you and Wonwoo. Jeonghan could tell something was wrong when you insisted he charges you full price on at least the muffin. The sternness of your voice left him frozen in his spot, but he didn’t question it even further.

Instead, a wrote a warm message on the side of your cup;

Keep your head up, Princess. The world deserves to see your beautiful face. xJ

It made you laugh more than anything as you walked back to your seat, but it was enough to make you feel a lot better. You blow the blonde a kiss, thanking him. He laughs, shooting finger guns in his direction, earning a groan of annoyance from Yoongi. You blow him a kiss too, leaving him stunned, blushing.

You laugh even harder and pull out your chair.

“What’s so funny?” Wonwoo pipes up, his eyes shining bright instead of the dullness they sported when you left for the bathroom.

“Yoongi’s cute, I’ve never seen him blush.” You shrug and sit down, breaking a huge piece of the blueberry muffin and stuffing it into your mouth. The delicious treat, eliciting a satisfied moan from you. Wonwoo shifts in his seat, swallowing thickly.

How the fuck was he so sexually frustrated? Anything set him off. Right now he wishes you were licking his fingers instead of your own. “I wonder if he watches the show. Actually, maybe I can get Jeonghan to convince him to watch next week.” You shrug, licking your lips, humming. Satisfied.

This had to be some new kind of torture. Also what the fuck were you talking about? Why do you want Yoongi to watch you get off with him next to you? What would you gain from that? What would Yoongi gain from that? What would he gain from that?

Nothing he concludes, but he chooses to ignore it. Deciding that he didn’t want to know whatever your answer to his questions was. After all, right now there were more pressing matters at hand.

“Ideas for Wednesday’s stream?” He walks his fingers to the plate where your blueberry muffin was. He was slightly bitter that you hadn’t bought one for him or offered to share one.

You look up, shocked, smacking his hand away, tiny bits of muffin coating your lips. He wants to kiss you like he did last night. Your lips have always looked so inviting and last night he finally caved in to his dark desires. He wants to go back and feel them against him again, but that was all for show. It didn’t mean anything and he was insanely sexually frustrated. He blames himself for faking abstinence for an entire year. He’s desperate to get fucked or fuck. He doesn’t care in what order or who with at this point. Especially if it gets him to stop thinking about you in ways he shouldn’t be.

“You still want to do that?” You ask, obviously confused. As far as you knew, you were insanely convinced that after Saturday. Wonwoo would be playing perfect boyfriend and back to solo streaming if anything. Did he still expect you to join him while dating something? Was Maya into that sort of stuff?

He nods, “Why wouldn’t we be? It’s our job, we’re partners.” He concludes, nodding his head confidently. Almost as if he was reassuring himself rather than you.

Could this day get any less confusing? Or were things just getting started? By the looks of it, it’s definitely the latter.

“Maya? I’m anything but a homewrecker Wonwoo. I don’t want to get in between the two of you. I think it’s best if you just stream solo from now on. We can move your gaming system on Sunday down to your place again.”

Wonwoo scoffs in disbelief. Surely his ears were deceiving him. Those words didn’t come out of your mouth and he refuses to move his gaming system again. It was hell the first time. It wouldn’t be any better the second time. And he liked streaming with you. He liked seeing you come undone next to him. He liked kissing you.

“We’re only going on a date. That doesn’t mean I’m automatically her boyfriend. Nothing is guaranteed yet.”

“I don’t know Woo, it’s pretty hard not to fall for you.” Your eyes grow wide as soon as the words leave your mouth. “I mean I think Hannie over there is still hung up on you.” You backtrack, avoiding his gaze and taking another bite of your muffin. Acknowledging that that excuse wouldn’t have worked if Wonwoo hadn’t witnessed you and Jeonghan talking two hours ago.

You thank your lucky stars and promise to never slip up again. The second time you wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Fine, then let’s just plan something just in case nothing comes out of the date.”

“Okay, what are you thinking?” You knew you shouldn’t have agreed. This was most definitely not like you. But ever since this whole thing started you kept on surprising yourself.

“Vibrators.”

Jeonghan keeps his promise to text you that night. You miss it, though, speedrunning through the rough draft of your essay. Now that you couldn’t get shit done in Wonwoo’s presence earlier. Once you hit the sixth page and the minimum word count you stop, unsure that anything you had written made any sense, thankfully you had an entire week to perfect it.

So you answer him an hour later. Apologizing profusely, emphasizing that you weren’t ignoring him. Just like in typical Jeonghan fashion - note, you’ve only been friends with him for five hours - he sends a laughing emoji, followed by an eggplant, the smiley face where one eye is bigger than the other and is sticking its tongue out and asks you to facetime. As expected.

Typical Jeonghan fashion.

“So what are you wearing now?” He asks cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He wasn’t serious, that much you knew. If not, he wouldn’t have waited two hours into the call, wouldn’t have asked about your day or what happened with Wonwoo earlier, to ask you. Not to mention he’s head over heels for his roommate’s boyfriend. A messier situation than yours, and for once since the day started you’re actually, truly celebrating.

As fucked up as that sounded, you weren’t alone. He assured you of that.

“Um, a shirt and sweats?” You shrug, wiggling your toes off-screen, sinking deeper into your bed. “Not the sexiest attire but if it gets you going, be my guest.” You joke bringing your duvet up to your neck. Setting your phone down against a pillow upright. Your arm was tired, you had been holding it up for nearly two hours as both of you shared the tragedy, called your love live lives.

“Okay, but what are you wearing underneath smart one?” He rolls his eyes, stuffs his face with microwavable noodles, signaling with his hand for you to continue.

“Oh, um nothing.”

“Good, that’s precisely what I needed to hear.” He grunts, pushing his cup to the side, leaning forward. He taps his used chopsticks against the wooden table and eyes you closely. “Will you do as I say?” His voice is so low, it sends a shudder up your spine, making you panic.

Okay, so maybe you might’ve read everything wrong. This was the last thing you were expecting tonight. Literally, you had cried to him and now your face was all bloated, eyes puffy. The least sexiest you have ever been in your opinion. But also your curiosity gets the best of you so you sit up.

“Depends what do you want me to do?” You move over to the edge of your bed, taking your phone with you.

“Do you want to make Wonwoo jealous?” He asks, raising his brows, tilting his head as he tries to figure out what you’re doing. But when he sees you set your phone down on your dresser, giving him a full few of your body, your fingers playing with the hem of your shirt, lifting it up enough for him to see a sliver of skin. He knows you didn’t hear his question.

He covers his phone.

“Stop, don’t get naked. That’s not what I want or what I’m asking of you. Relax princess.” He says in a rush, panic laced in the back of his throat as he tries to compose himself. “I’ll ask again, do you want to make Wonwoo jealous or not?” He emphasizes each word, chewing on the edge of his chopstick.

You scoff to hide your disastrous embarrassment, but also a little relieved that Jeonghan didn’t have alternate ideas. “He never gets jealous. I’ve seen people try and he just brushes it off like it’s a weekend sale at Macy’s”

“I feel like that analogy doesn’t really work but whatever. Just listen to what I say. I’m an expert at making people jealous.” He proudly states and stands up, leaving his phone behind. He takes his cup of ramen and chopsticks, opens the door to where he apparently kept his garbage can, and throws it away.

You didn’t want to say this. At least not out loud, but damn that coffee shop was paying him well. From the little that you have seen so far. His place was clearly luxurious and probably overpriced. “Is that what you tell yourself when you try to make Seungcheol jealous but it fails.”

“Nah, it works. There’s a reason I started watching Wonwoo’s streams. Got both him and Joshua to watch and now the sexual tension is through the roof. I give it a week until we are all fucking each other. Probably sooner if you take my advice.” He comes back with a glass of water and sits down.

“So this isn’t really about me making Wonwoo jealous, this is about you getting your dick wet?” You conclude and lay down on the bed again. This time on your stomach, kicking your legs up behind you. “What do I need to do?”

“Have you ever taken a nude before?”

“I don’t think this is going to work?” You scroll through your phone, your hair wet from your impromptu photoshoot in the shower. Facetime now opened on your laptop. Jeonghan and his cheeky knowing smile staring back at you. “Like how exactly will this make someone jealous? It’s just me in the shower with a wet white t-shirt. I mean you can kinda see my nipples but how’s this going to work?”

You pout, Jeonghan had instructed you through the whole thing, while he prepared and ate himself a new cup of ramen. Totally unbothered, determined to keep your focus on your best angles. He will be the first one to admit that you had a lot. But to you, none of them screamed ‘sex’ if anything they scream ‘wet dog.’ And it made you slightly disappointed. All your hard work for nothing.

“It’s the principle of the thing. You aren’t completely naked, but you are wet, covered in soap, and showing enough to get people worked up. Essentially you’re teasing everyone, prompting them to use their imagination until the next time they see you naked.” He takes a sip of water. He’s refilled it three times already and sets the glass down. “Trust me it will work.”

You laugh, “What are you Profesor of Nude Taking Studies?” You shake your head, bringing your knees up to your chest. “Which one do I put up, and is this even allowed?” You set your phone down, circling your knee. You didn’t bother putting on pants anymore, just a t-shirt after your photoshoot slash shower. After all, he witnessed it all, with the straightest face and had talked to you like you weren’t naked. Or in your shower.

“This one.” He turns his phone around, showing you his screen. Wet, your shirt completely see-through, nipples hard because he insisted it had to be cold ass water, your lips parted, a stream of water running past them. Shit, maybe you did look hot.

“Okay, and then what? Do I just tag you?”

“Mhm, a win for both of us.”

The second you uploaded the picture on the website, tagging Jeonghan’s handle. The alerts were endless. The likes on the picture, comments, and now tips only kept going up and it had only been fifteen minutes.

Yet, nothing from Wonwoo.

“This isn’t working.” You mumble. By now you were pacing back and forth. Jeonghan was more than satisfied that both Joshua and Seungcheol had texted him already, asking him what the fuck he had pulled to get a picture from you dedicated to him. He was having a field day. Thanked you and promised an endless amount of free drinks.

You weren’t having much luck.

It was still silent from Wonwoo’s end and it was driving you insane. Maybe he was asleep or stuck playing one of his games? Though the last one was not an option because his gaming system was in the room next to yours. So he was sleeping. You were telling yourself that to keep yourself from having a full-on mental breakdown with Jeonghan on facetime.

“Relax, I give it one more minute before he says something.”

“It’s been almost twenty minutes. He has his notifications on. If he cared he would have messaged me already.” You reason, flopping down on your bed again, face down, letting out a groan.

Then your text tone goes off. The way you scramble to sit up and grab your phone has Jeonghan doubled over in laughter. Your hands shake as your thumb hovers over Wonwoo’s text notification. You almost throw your phone away, terrified at his reaction but there was a reason you couldn’t watch suspense movies. You weren’t patient and always end up googling the ending to save yourself from the shock.

So you open it and your heart sinks as you read his words.

Next time let me know when you’re posting something like that, my phone hasn’t stopped blowing up. It’s annoying.

You sigh in defeat, the next text that comes in doesn’t make you feel any better and you want to cry.

I’ll let it slide, but take it down. It goes against rule #7.

“This is the first and last time I listen to you Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Show me what he said?” He leans into his screen, his chin resting nicely against his palm. You groan, standing up, and walk over to your desk. Slumping down in your desk chair and show him your phone screen.

He laughs, clapping his hands and patting himself on the back. “Princess it clearly worked he wouldn’t have asked you to take it down if he wasn’t jealous. Plus, the tips keep coming in.” He leans back on his chair. “Wait until tomorrow to take it down. You’ll have him wrapped around your finger in no time.”

Wonwoo hasn’t talked to you since Thursday night, not even when you took the nude down Friday afternoon. Now it’s Saturday and you’re more than positive he won’t speak to you today either. He’s got his stupid date, and you have work.

Maybe you should’ve planned this one out a bit better. The entire bus ride, which was only fifteen minutes, to the book store you were freaking out. Toying with the idea of quitting and not quitting. You were more annoyed than usual the minute you walked in, the little bell hung at the entrance signaling your arrival.

Instead of greeting you with his usual backhanded compliment, Minghao lets you pass him without another word. He could clearly tell something was wrong and despite him not being your biggest fan (You said you hated Shakespeare when he asked you about your least favorite author during your job interview and he simply could not let that kind of blasphemy in his dainty shop) he let you go.

Pocketing the comment he had planned upon your arrival for another day. His pull-back didn’t help to ease you up. Every frustrated sigh that left your lips was driving him up the wall. He could barely focus on alphabetizing the sci-fi section after some nasty middle-schoolers came on Friday night messing it up. He would get to the letter ‘M’ and then have to start over once again.

Minghao was annoyed and he had had enough.

“I’ve literally listened to you sigh at least fifty times in the two hours you’ve been here, can you stop?” He blurts out dropping the book he was holding onto the cart, recollecting from the letter ‘A’ again.

“Sorry, I’m stressed and I want someone to remove my brain.” You grumble, turning the page on the graphic novel you had picked out. Saturday’s were slow, so all you had to do was sit at the cash register until someone walked in. Or occasionally help stock up the shelves, but with the way, you were acting today. Minghao preferred you to sit at the register. The last thing he needed was for you to knock over a shelf in anger.

“Actually, do you know any neurosurgeons? Possibly someone free enough, that can remove my brain by tonight.” You place your hand on top of your chin, batting your eyelashes at him. He rolls his eyes and places three books on the shelf. Resting a pensive hand against his chin before pushing his fake glasses up his nose, humming in approval.

He turns to face you. “I’m no expert but I don’t think that’s how neurosurgery works. Actually, no, I’m pretty sure that you’d die if your brain gets removed.” He grabs the handle of the cart and pushes it to the front of the store again.

“Nah, I watched one episode of the Walking Dead, I’ll just be a zombie.” You shrug, “I’d rather be a zombie, I hate thinking.” You sigh, dropping your arms and burying your head in your elbows.

“Well, what’s on your mind?” He shifts nonchalantly, looking around the store, and spots a stool by the window benches. Quickly he makes his way and drags it over. Sets it in front of the counter and sits down, lightly flicking the back of your head making you groan in annoyance.

This came to a surprise to you, but you weren’t annoyed with him for once. Just yourself, Wonwoo, and the mess you found yourself in.

You lift your head and cross your arms in front of you. Minghao may go to the end of the Earth to make your life a living hell every time you stepped in and clocked in for a few miserable hours at your favorite place, but he did give awesome advice. You had witnessed it once when he kindly sat with a girl he found crying over her crush in one of the bean bags in the back of the store. It was sweet and it made you dislike him a little less.

“Well, I’m confused. I got involved in something I shouldn’t have before I knew something really important. And now I know I should back off because it’s the right thing to do but, I don’t know.” You take a deep breath, fidgeting with your hands. Minghao leaned forward and lifted his finger and flicking your forehead, you pout. “You’re supposed to help me, not abuse me.”

He rolls his eyes and sits back, “Can you be a bit more specific? I mean I can tell you what to do, but something tells me that it’s not as easy as you made it out to be, right?”

You nod and run your hands over your face. You had two options, come clean, tell Minghao, and confess to your sins. Which you weren’t sure how he’d react. He’s always so uptight he’d probably fire you on the spot. Or keep it as vague as possible and let him give you advice so vague you could’ve told yourself.

Coming clean wins by a long shot.

“Ugh, okay, Wonwoo is a camboy, I joined him two weeks ago. After the last stream we had together we went out to eat and told me he was basically in love with his lab partner. He still wants me to join his streams but they’re on a date right now an-”

“And you want to back out.”

“Yes but there’s also the added factor that-”

“You’re in love with him.”

You slam your hands down on top of the counter, standing up, “Stop cutting me off, this is my story wait till’ I finish. Fuck.” You sigh and sit down, an amused smile etched across his face. “Yes I’m in love with him and it fucking sucks. So I need someone to remove my brain for me.”

“Removing your brain won’t solve anything, but it’s okay for you to feel the way you are. Did you know you were in love with him when you started?” He picks up the complimentary bookmarks in the cupholder next to the cash register and starts laying them out in front of you.

“No, I mean at least I don’t think I knew. This is all new to me and seeing Wonwoo literally in a much more intimate setting than I’m used to and kissing him, doesn’t help either.” You confess, watching as he starts organizing them, even though you had already done it three times.

“Okay so maybe you’re not in love with him and just sexually attracted to him now. You got a taste of forbidden fruit and now you want more.” He pushes his glasses up and stacks the bookmarks on top of one another before looking up at you, “What do you think?”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have asked you.”

“No, you do know, even though you’re a Shakespeare anti, you’re still one of the smartest people I know. So what do you think?”

“I think I don’t want to stop streaming because it’s good money and it’s not something I plan on doing forever. But I also don’t want to do it alone.” You shrug, resting your chin on top of your fist, brows furrowed together watching as Minghao puts the bookmarks back and knots his fingers together.

“And?”

“And I’m in love with him.” You sigh, blinking fast to keep your tears away. Crying over boys was something you didn’t do, especially if that said boy was Wonwoo, your best friend.

The magnitude of your realization only lasts for two seconds when a familiar voice startles you and Minghao. You jump, and stand up, noting that the bell didn’t ring notifying their arrival. Mortified, you turn to face the boy in question and his date. The perfect couple, they’re literally meant for one another, how could you possibly compete with that? His hand fit so perfectly intertwined with hers. She stands close to him with a fading smile, looking between you Wonwoo, and Minghao, confused.

This had to be some kind of nightmare. This shit only happens in dreams, not in real life. So why was this happening to you? And today out of all days?

“Who?” Wonwoo says through gritted teeth and takes tentative steps forward. He feels heavy like the whole world was slowly falling over his shoulders and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. What were the chances that he were to walk in, in the middle of your shift, confessing your undying love for someone he had no knowledge of?

Should he even consider himself your best friend anymore? Because it seems like every day that passes by he finds out something new about you that leaves him with a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach. This only made it worse, because as selfish as it sounds. As much as it pained it. He should’ve been the first one to know.

“Who are you in love with?”

No one dared to say a word. The silence surrounding the four of you screamed at the top of its lungs. Your heart was beating against your ears. It was hard to breathe as you looked between Minghao, Maya, and Wonwoo.

Wonwoo.

You had never once seen him look at you with so much betrayal, with so much hatred. The warmth in which you once found a home in, was replaced with ice. You couldn’t grasp a coherent thought. They were running faster than the speed of light, full of questions and regret. You close your eyes, silently hoping for someone to break the silence, to crack a joke, anything to distract you from the anxiety that was slowly spreading its way into your lungs.

No one did. Instead, you could feel one pair of eyes full of confusion, another one full of pity, and another one full of hatred.

It wasn’t fair, why were you the one suddenly caught in a ring of fire when all you wanted was to forget the night you realized that your feelings for Wonwoo transcended realms? Why were you being pitied when all you wanted was advice to forget? Isn’t that how it worked? Admitting the problem to yourself and what not? Why wasn’t it working? Why were you suddenly plunged into an even bigger problem? Most importantly why was Wonwoo looking at you like the gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe? What exactly had you done to deserve this kind of treatment?

Did he know? That he was the one you were in love with since the day he held you while you cried into his arms night three years ago. The night you found your boyfriend moaning your roommate’s name underneath her. Did he know that you had fallen for him the second he told you that you deserved to be with someone that didn’t make you feel ordinary? That encouraged you to still be your independent self and allowed you to follow your dreams. Someone who didn’t bring you down, projecting their insecurities onto you. You should’ve kissed him that night. You should’ve told that he was that person for you. Maybe things would be different now, maybe you wouldn’t be looking between him and his date.

She was beautiful. The prettiest red hair that burned like wildfire against the yellow light of Minghao’s bookstore. Warm brown eyes in which anyone could get lost in. Nimble fingers that anyone would want to hold, especially when the colder months of the year made their way around. You could see it all. Their love blossoming as beautifully as the sakura trees that were in season every spring. A wedding day where her dress would be the whitest, simplest but still the most beautiful because she would be the one wearing it. Their kids, a perfect mixture of the two of them

He would forget about you. In a way he already had. That much you knew early Thursday morning at the diner. Now you just had to wait until his thoughts were completely immersed with her, replacing the memories of you. Until you weren’t the one he confided in anymore.

It sucked, it truly did. Your heart broke, slowly removing every piece of him that had wedged itself inside of it. The worst part is that you weren’t even upset. Instead, a bit frustrated with yourself but insanely happy that Wonwoo finally found the person he could spend the rest of his life with.

You couldn’t do it anymore.

It felt like hours, but really it had barely been two minutes since Wonwoo walked in. And you had already gone through millions of outcomes of what could possibly happen next. Confessing was out of the question. You didn’t have much time with Wonwoo anymore, the spaces between the two of you were only getting wider. One day you wouldn’t be able to reach out to him anymore. Why fuck it up now and make everything even more complicated than it already was? Your feelings for him weren’t permanent. One day they’d go away. One day you’d find someone nearly as perfect as Wonwoo. Even if it takes your entire life.

He was your first love, probably your only love until now. You weren’t his. He’d forget you, it’d be easy too. It was okay though, as long as your memories with him stayed alive in that little part of your brain that was reserved for him.

Everything would be okay. You were okay. But right now you really couldn’t do it anymore, being in his presence was literally debilitating. So, you turned around, pushed the stool you were sitting on underneath the counter, and made your way to the back room. Your personal hiding spot - not saying that Minghao didn’t know about it, he was the owner of the shop - but he let you use it whenever you needed to take a breather.

That’s where you needed to be, your tiny - bursting at the seams with books that had gone out of season - room. A sanctuary you almost made it to, had your hand on the doorknob and everything before you were being turned around forcefully by your shoulders. Wonwoo stood before you, eyebrows knotted with worry. You hadn’t even heard him follow you. Was your hearing failing you, first the bell, and now this, what was next? The sobs falling out of your mouth, because that wasn’t something you had noticed was happening either. That is until Wonwoo’s hand came up to your cheek, wiping your tears away.

“Who the fuck is it?” He says, anger lingering in the back of his voice. His hands were trembling as he desperately chased your tears, fighting against time to make all of them disappear. He felt like throwing up. You were shattering into tiny pieces before him and he didn’t know what to do. Or if he could fix it.

You turn your cheek, subtly pushing his hands away, avoiding the evident look of hurt. You had never once walked away from him or pushed him away and it was sending him into a spiral of what if’s. “I-It doesn’t m-matter.” You shake your head and turn away from him. Second time today, a personal record you note. “It’s not important anymore.”

Wonwoo sucks in the air, there’s not enough of it in his lungs. He felt the anger he tried to keep at bay move through him so fast his body started to physically tremble. “Fuck it is important if he’s the reason why you’re like this. I’m serious, tell me who he is.” He stuffs his hands into the pocket of his jeans. He was a frequent visitor at Minghao’s bookstore, breaking something and getting him banned from a place he felt so at home in apart from his place and yours was certainly out of the question.

“Why Wonwoo so you can threaten to break his face like you did with Yoongi?” You turn around, raising your voice at him, catching him by surprise. You had never raised your voice at him, but today was filled with a lot of unfortunate firsts for you. Adding another one wouldn’t hurt more than what you were already hurting.

“Is it Yoongi?” He takes his hands out of his pocket, “I only did that because he has a reputation, you’d just end up being another dent in his bedpost. Y-You, don’t deserve that.” He reaches out for you, trying to grab onto your hand. He needed to feel you close. Right now you were too far away from him, he felt like you were slipping through his fingers and he needed to hold you to know he hadn’t lost you yet. “I did that to protect you, just like how I always have.”

You close your eyes and hide your arms behind you, pressing yourself against the door of the back room. “It’s not him and I don’t need you to protect me all the time Wonwoo. I’m not nine anymore.” You shrug.

“You’re right but…I- can you just tell me who it is, please. I hate seeing you like this.” He sighs out defeated. He knows he should let you have your own space for a few minutes, but something inside of him was preventing him from leaving.

“Maya is waiting for you. You should finish your date. She’s really pretty.” You smile sadly.

Wonwoo scoffs in disbelief, threading his fingers with his roots, tugging on them in frustration. “So you can tell Minghao but not me. The person that has been with you through everything.” He says bitterly and starts pacing between the curtain separating the front of the store and the inventory section of the bookstore.

“He guessed it. I didn’t have to tell him. Why the fuck does it matter so much to you that I didn’t tell you.” You push yourself away from the door and take a step closer to him. “If I’m telling you it’s not a big deal then let it go. I don’t get why you’re so fucking up the wall about this.”

He laughs bitterly and stops a few steps away from you, pointing an accusatory finger in your direction, “Cause ever since this whole thing started between us, it’s like I don’t know you anymore. The person I grew up with wouldn’t sell their body online for sex.”

“You can’t be serious Wonwoo, you’re shaming me when you were the first one doing it, and for years. I’ve done two shows, I posted one nude and now your perspective on me suddenly changes. You’re the one that asked me to become your business partner or whatever. I’m just doing my part.”

“But that’s not what he agreed on.” He says, his eyes wide in frustration and he starts pacing again. “And that’s not what I mean.” He pauses again, shakes his head. “What’s really going on between you and Jeonghan?”

You blink fast. The question is out of left field and certainly the last thing you expected to come out of his mouth. What did he mean? Did he not believe you when you told him that the two of you were just friends? Was Jeonghan right? Was Wonwoo jealous? No, it was impossible, if he was Wonwoo wouldn’t have gone out on his date with Maya. And he would’ve talked to you about it.

“Friends Wonwoo, we’re just fucking friends. That picture meant nothing he watched me take the-”

“He watched you, are you two fucking now?” His nostrils flare with anger, “I told you that rule number seven was the most important rule and the first thing you do is break it.” He says, balling his fists next to his sides. “This is why I’m so upset, you’ve started keeping secrets and you’ve never done that before.”

“Oh, like you weren’t the first who started keeping secrets from me. Right?” You walk closer to him, closing the distance. You didn’t care anymore. Your heartbreak was quickly turning into anger. All you wanted to do was hurt him the way he was hurting you, projecting his wrongdoings upon you. “Tell me Wonwoo where do you want to start? The cam show? Or Maya?” You poke his chest hard, throwing his balance off.

“Leave her out of this, she’s been nothing but truthful with me since the start. Unlike you.”

“Whatever Wonwoo, I haven’t lied to you once.” You shake your head and turn around, walking to the little room. You needed to be alone; it was long overdue at this point. “Maybe you’re just upset that you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.” You place your hand on the door handle and turn it.

“Maybe you’re right.” He whispers, equally sad and confused. He doesn’t want to say more. If you didn’t want his help anymore then he wasn’t going to give it to you. So, he turns around while you walk into the back room. The string that kept the two of you tied together getting looser. One more tug and it would finally break.

Minghao gave you thirty minutes before he was dragging you out of the backroom, accompanied by an empty threat. “I’ll fire you if you don’t start organizing shelves.” He grabbed your hands and pulled you to your feet. A tiny smile, pushing his lensless glasses up.

“That would be the least hurtful thing that’s happened today.” You confess, following him out of the backroom, past the inventory section. He held the curtain open for you and you walked back into the bookstore. It was empty again. Well except for you and Minghao who was already pushing a cart of books in your direction.

“I almost told you to just go home early, but I think going home is the last thing you want to do right now.” He nods almost apologetically. You confess your dislike for Minghao was a little on the dramatic side. Behind the snarky remarks and the lack of work hours - which is entirely your fault and not his - Minghao wasn’t as bad as you had made yourself believe. Instead of questioning you, he was trying his best to make you feel better in the only way he knew how and that was to make you work.

Nothing like manual labor.

“Sorry about all that earlier by the way.” You grab a hold of the cart from his hands and make your way to the young adult’s shelf. It was all the way in front of the shop, even had its own display table. Much to Minghao’s disappointment, the YA genre was the most popular and it was often sold out no matter how many times a week Minghao, you, or the other employees that worked during the week stocked it up. It was somehow always empty.

“It’s okay but the next time you and your boy toy want to hash out your differences don’t do it in my shop.” He jokes, taking a seat behind the cash register, opening the art history magazine he kept underneath the counter. He had like fifty of those magazines, you swear each one was the same, except for the local artist of the week article. That’s why he kept buying them, hoping to one day take the small spotlight. He’s never let you see one of his paintings, but every time he talked about art his eyes would sparkle with equal amounts of passion and adoration that you had no doubt in your mind that they were anything less than amazing.

Secretly, you were rooting for him too.

You start lining up the books alphabetically in the cart first, “I don’t think there will be a next time so you don’t have to worry about that.” You assure him, flipping the books over so their spine was showing.

Minghao mocks, flipping through the pages. “It was bad but nothing the two of you won’t get through. Believe me, you’re not the only one making excuses. He’s also keeping things from you.” He states, letting out a sigh of disappointment. It wasn’t his week.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, sorry.” You sigh, running your index finger along the spine of books, mumbling the alphabet song underneath your breath.

“As you wish.” He flips through the magazine, holding the corners of the pages with care almost like he was afraid that if he were to accidentally rip a page, the painting would be ruined forever. “What are you going to do about your show on Wednesday?” He says calmly, but you could hear the sly smirk hidden behind his words.

Is there anyone in this world that didn’t know about your secret side job? Because it was starting to seem like everyone knew and they were just waiting for the right moment to tell you. This wasn’t it. Minghao’s fatal flaw was his bad timing. Always. That much had been proven to you not once but twice today.

“How did you find out?” You say, defeated. What was the point of denying anything when Minghao seemed to have this secret ability when it came to prying things out of you? Something else you had discovered today.

“Your bracelet and your nails.” He shrugs and closes the magazine, setting it aside. “And I listen to you talk all the time there was no way I wouldn’t have recognized your voice.” He says in a matter of factly tone making you roll your eyes.

Honestly, what was the point of hiding your face when two people had already figured it out? And one of them was in a weird relationship with his roommate and his roommate’s boyfriend. There was no way they wouldn’t know if they were to meet you. Which was soon, Jeonghan invited you to dinner on Monday night. His way of thanking you. After the infamous nudegate, Jeonghan had called you excitedly the next day to tell you that the three of them had finally sat down to discuss the nature of their relationship.

You were happy for him. Despite only knowing him for a short amount of time. Jeonghan had a heart of gold and he deserved to be happy.

“Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for you, I don’t know, at this point, I don’t think there will be a show on Wednesday.” You finish lining the books up on the top shelf and move them onto the next shelf.

“Why not?”

You move away from the shelf, preventing it from hiding you any longer, and look at Minghao, confused. “Were you not here earlier? Cause I clearly remember you being here.”

He shrugs, placing his chin on top of his palm, “That doesn’t mean you can’t do it by yourself.” He sends you a wink.

You brush him off shaking your head before turning your attention back to the shelf. You had more important matters at hand than dealing with his antics. Like finishing the last two shelves, fixing the display, clocking out, and buying two boxes of microwavable mac and cheese. “It’s not happening.”

“Why not? You clearly said you enjoyed doing it and you didn’t want to stop yet. So just do it by yourself, look I’ll even be your first donator.”

“In a way that only makes me want to not do it.” You roll your eyes.

“Just think about it. Wonwoo’s audience is already wrapped around your finger, you already feel comfortable in front of them. So why not try it on Wednesday and if you don’t like it nearly as much as before then just stop.”

You sigh, forgetting what letter you were on, but not having enough energy to start the stupid song from the beginning. Your head was so cluttered, too many things going on at the same time. Minghao had made some points. When didn’t he? But could you do that? You liked it, got a certain kind of rush that you couldn’t necessarily explain, and technically you wouldn’t be alone. Minghao would be watching as weird as that was, but you could also ask Jeonghan to watch. He made you feel comfortable and just knowing that he was there watching behind his computer screen made the thought of you going live alone a bit more bearable.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

The outline you created two weeks ago sat prettily on your computer screen, modified. You eyed it swirling around the wine in your glass. Your third glass to be exact.

“Outline looks great but…” Jeonghan pauses with a pensive hand on his chin. He called you on facetime at around three. Six hours ago.

When you told him what you were doing, he laughed about how anal you were being after the sudden shock wore off. Apart from Minghao, he was the only one who knew about the newly planted seed in your head.

“But what?” You rest your chin on top of your knees, watching Jeonghan through the screen take another spoonful of his meal. He hadn’t stopped eating since he called you. How so much food fit in that lean body of his, you weren’t sure. But he did say he started a new workout routine recently. Very recently.

He swallows, “Are you sure?” He takes a sip of his water and goes back to scraping every bit of food from the take-out bowl. He bought it, spent a hefty amount on the delivery because his laziness got the best of him. He wasn’t going to let a speck of food go to waste.

You roll your eyes and gulp down the remainder of your wine before pouring yourself another glass, rendering the bottle empty. What was it with the men in your life acting like you didn’t think your decisions through before acting on it? Were the ten articles and two documentaries that you and Jeonghan watched not proof that you were sure? Was the outline not further proof either? It was starting to get a bit annoying. You weren’t made of glass, Wonwoo had acted like you were, and look how that ended. Almost twenty-four hours without a word to one another.

You weren’t going to be the first one to break. The way you saw it you didn’t have anything to apologize for, so if he was waiting for an apology. He would be waiting for quite some time.

“Positive, stop asking, I know what I’m doing.” You say, not making the effort to disguise your annoyance. Jeonghan raises his hands in defeat, throwing his plastic utensils in the empty take-out bowl. The last thing he wanted to do was make you even more upset than what you were. He knew in a way you were acting out on your anger. An attempt to hurt Wonwoo. It wasn’t the best idea, but he had quickly learned that you were as stubborn as the word itself. Convincing you otherwise wouldn’t be possible.

“Noted, are you still coming over tomorrow?”

You nod, “Yes, do you want me to bring anything? Cookies? Cake? Flowers? Wine? Pe-”

“Just yourself, Joshua’s excited to cook for you.” Jeonghan smiles before standing up, taking his empty food cartons with him. “He hasn’t stopped talking about it since Thursday, it’s driving Seungcheol up the wall.” He snickers, throwing away his garbage, and sits back down.

Deja Vu much.

“Do they know about me Hannie?” You say tracing the rim of your wine glass. The more you thought about it, hiding your identity was getting harder. If Jeonghan’s boyfriends knew, you wouldn’t doubt it if they did - keeping up with appearances wasn’t Jeonghan’s forte, he cared a lot more than he led on - then what was the point of hiding?

He sighs, rests his chin on top of a closed fist. “I can’t lie to them Princess, I’m sorry.” He looks away, finding a new focal point. The night you uploaded the nude tagging him, all hell broke loose in his house. There were angry tears, sad tears, tears that meant more than he thought they did. It was an uncomfortable conversation between the three of them. One where he confessed everything that was in his heart and accidentally revealed your identity. He apologized before asking you to come over for dinner. A paragraph-long where he expressed that he felt bad for using you and didn’t want to stop being your friend, even if it had just been a couple of hours.

It was cute, it made you laugh a little but it also lessened the burden of the unfortunate outcome of your night.

You brush him off, setting your glass down. “It’s okay but I’m assuming you’ll stop watching now?” You tilt your head to the side in curiosity. It only made sense if they did. From what Jeonghan had briefly explained watching Wonwoo’s cam show, later on rebranded as yours and Wonwoo’s cam show was just something they did to get underneath each other’s skin. The brief comments you remember being shared between the three of them only made them even funnier and memorable.

They were a lot.

“Now why would we do that? Do you think we aren’t going to support you on your first solo show this week? You’re part of our family. Family supports family.” He says, drawing it out for you in the air with his hands.

You shake your head, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue. “That only applies to ballet recitals and graduations, not live porn. That’s weird.”

Jeonghan chuckles, bringing his hands down, “We’re a weird family.” He smiles brightly before shrugging. “I just want to make sure nothing happens to you.”

“It’s one stream, just to test out the waters, nothing is going to happen to me.” You sit up, stretching your legs out beneath the coffee table. You had been sitting in the same spot for hours only standing up for the essentials. Like water, food, and use the bathroom, then it was back to your sitting position with the couch behind you in front of your coffee table.

“Shut up, let me be supportive then.” He whines, takes a drink of water, raising his eyebrow at you silently reading you. He knew your fight with Wonwoo yesterday had affected you, but if you hadn’t told him and cried angrily while telling him. He wouldn’t have known. You seemed so relaxed, so at ease almost as if nothing had happened.

What exactly were you up to?

“It’s kind of crazy.” You laugh lightly, taking the last swing of your wine. Your head already felt a bit fuzzy and you were thankful you didn’t know where your phone was. If not you’d be texting Wonwoo apologizing for everything when you had nothing to apologize for.

“What is?”

“That I’m talking about this so casually. I remember losing my mind when I first watched porn at sixteen, positive that that was my one way to ticket into hell.” You shake your head, smiling down at your empty glass. “Look at me now.”

Jeonghan smiles, wishing he was there with you to hug you. The sadness behind your smile appears again. It did every time you thought too hard about everything or when you thought he wasn’t looking. Suddenly he misses the brave mask you had been adorning all throughout the day. “And there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Your value as a person doesn’t suddenly drop because of what you’re doing.”

“Yes but Wonwoo sa-”

“Fuck what he says. He’s just bitter that you don’t fit into that perfect image of you that he had engraved in his head.” He huffs out running a hand through his hair. “He’s a fucking hypocrite too.”

“I guess you’re right but it doesn’t mean it hurts less.”

“I know Princess, I know.”

“I told you, you didn’t have to bring anything.” Jeonghan takes the wine bottle from your hands. A witty smile playing on his lips as he moves aside, making room for you to walk in. “But thank you, Princess.”

“You’re welcome.” You place your hand on his shoulder, lifting your foot up to unzip your chunky boot. Jeonghan rushes, taking hold of your arm to keep you from falling over, the wine bottle snuggled tightly underneath his armpit. “Thank you, Hannie.” You smile, switching your balance to unzip your other boot before toeing them off and placing them neatly next to a pair of worn-out running shoes.

“You know it’s summer right?” He takes in your outfit, chunky boots, black sheer tights, black and white houndstooth shorts with gold button accents, and a white rib-knit halter top. The least summer outfit he’s ever seen anyone wear during the hot months.

At least your upper half wasn’t suffocating.

“I do, but I haven’t done laundry so this was literally my last option.” You signal to your outfit, wiggling your toes through the tights before looking up at him. “Unless you wanted me to show up in a hoodie and sleep shorts.” You shrug, crossing your arms behind you, waiting for him to make a move so you could follow him.

“Explains why your nipples are giving everyone a free show.” He jokes, pushing past you. You roll your eyes, pretending to kick him before following him. Your mouth falls open in awe as you take in all.

Just like you suspected it was luxurious. Located in the center of the city, on the seventeenth floor of a new building. The layout was simple, clean, and chic. High ceiling windows that overlooked the entire city, giving you a first-seat view of the nightlife. A large ‘L’ shaped grey couch overtaking the center of the living room. A marble coffee table and a large flat-screen TV with a state-of-the-art sound system. In the corner is a pretty decorative shelf, full of novels, vinyls, comic books, tiny miscellaneous art pieces, and what you assume to be Joshua’s beads on the bottom shelf as far away from eye view as possible. Springing up the memory of Jeonghan’s frustration a few days ago back into your mind, making you giggle.

You continue to follow Jeonghan, gasping audibly when the two of you stand in front of the kitchen. A wide marble countertop separating it from the living room. It was a dream apart from the two daydreams standing in the middle of it silently arguing. It was like one of your ‘dream house’ Pinterest boards had thrown up all over the room. You had seen only a small portion of it through your tiny phone screen during Jeonghan’s facetime mukbangs. You didn’t expect it to be as big as it was.

Were you even allowed to be here?

Jeonghan clears his throat, grabbing his boyfriends’ attention. Both of them stop their argument and turn to face you and Jeonghan. Faces stretching out into beautiful state-of-the-art smiles. You felt the butterflies erupt in the pit of your stomach. How the fuck did Jeonghan know so many attractive people?

“Um, hi, thank you for inviting me.” You wave awkwardly, making Jeonghan snort. You send him a glare before bringing your hand down to your side. “You guys have such a beautiful place.” You compliment, shifting from foot to foot.

“Thank you, Joshua spent a good portion decorating it when he and Jeonghan first moved in.” Seungcheol places a gentle hand on top of the doe-eyed boy’s shoulder and steps forward. “You know it’s summer right?” He cringes a bit taking in your outfit. Jeonghan vibrates with laughter next to you. Suddenly a hoodie and sleep shorts sounded a lot better than your fall and spring combined outfit.

“I told her the same thing, Cheol.” He places his arm around your shoulder and tucks you into his side. “Hasn’t done laundry, that’s her excuse.” You hiss at him, trying your very best to shove him away and having no success. Jeonghan is definitely stronger than he looks.

Joshua walks over, saving you from your misery, hugging you tightly. “Don’t listen to them, you look beautiful.” He whispers, sending his boyfriends’ a glare, which only makes them laugh. “I’m Joshua and the asshole over there is Seungcheol.” He unravels his arms from your body and points to the other platinum blonde, whose arms are now wrapped around Jeonghan, his head resting on his shoulder.

Seungcheol sticks his tongue out at Joshua. “He’s just mad, cause I didn’t buy the right cheese like he asked.”

“Who eats pasta with swiss cheese Seungcheol?” Joshua says, rolling his eyes before walking into the kitchen again.

“No one but I told you I could just run down to the market and get some parmesan or something.”

“Our guest is already here, we can’t just leave her alone,” Joshua stresses, turning off the stove, putting on a pair of oven gloves, and taking the pot over to the sink. “And the pasta’s already ready.”

“I’ll take literally five minutes.” Seungcheol cheekily sticks out his hand, spreading out his fingers widely. “Well more like ten, the elevator down takes two minutes if I’m lucky enough to not have any stops.”

Joshua tilts the pot, draining out the water with a pasta drainer, his tongue poking against his bottom lip in concentration. Adorable, you inwardly squeal. “I’ll count, so hurry up unless you want to be p-”

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Jeonghan yells, shielding you from the scene in the kitchen. Your body goes rigid. Your eyes go wide. Your brain diving into the gutter making you shudder. Immediately you start thinking about the various cats in the videos you watched while getting ready.

“Take my wallet babe,” Jeonghan suggests, pointing to the peach bowl they kept on a small table by the door. Seungcheol blows him a kiss, turning around and literally running through the corridor. Whatever Joshua was about to suggest, was definitely something Seuncheol wanted to avoid.

“I’m sorry about him.” Joshua sighs lovingly as he starts washing out the pasta. “I wanted to have everything ready before you got here but I got caught up with a project for work.” He throws you an apologetic smile, shutting off the tap water.

You shake your head, waving your hands in front of you. “It’s okay, I’ll just bother Hannie until the food’s ready.” You bump your hip against the man who has not left your side since you walked in.

“In that case, make yourself at home.”

Joshua’s pasta was some of the best pasta you had ever had in your entire life. The rich creaminess of the homemade sauce, with the perfectly cooked noodles and the heavenly garlic bread, made your taste buds dance in happiness.

You complimented him enthusiastically upon taking your first bite. His chest puffing out in pride as he proceeded to tell you how he actually graduated from cooking school. And was currently looking for places and going through extensive paperwork in order to open up his own restaurant. Both Jeonghan and Seungcheol looked at him with pride while he talked about his plans. It made your heart swell with love.

Seungcheol was in law school studying business law like Jeonghan. A fact you didn’t know and for the rest of the dinner, you berated him for keeping such a huge secret from you. He promised to make it up by giving you free coffee endlessly. To which you responded telling him he was already doing that, earning a stern lecture from both Seungcheol and Joshua. Something about business is not about favoritism. Jeonghan ignored them, vowing that he was a man of his word to you.

Being in their presence was calming. The love they shared between the three of them was beautiful, something straight out of the romcoms you’d binge-watch with Wonwoo during your off days. They supported one another, poked fun at each other, and were incredibly witty. It was almost impossible for you to keep your food down from how hard you were laughing at their crazy escapades. Using the tiny pockets of silence to your advantage to take a bite of your food or a drink from your wine.

They took their time to get to know you. Asked you about your favorite meals, colors, movies, and books. Joshua and you had bonded for a solid thirty minutes over Donna Tartt’s The Secret History. Leaving Seungcheol and Jeonghan to groan in annoyance because apparently Joshua never shuts up about it either.

Everything felt easy and for the first time in a while, you felt a deep emptiness in the pit of your stomach. Wonwoo had been your only friend for so long - except for the few acquaintances you made in your classes - that you had forgotten what it was like to spend time with people that weren’t him.

You really liked it.

“I wasn’t sure how to bring this up, but Jeonghan told us about you and you know your side job,” Joshua spoke, setting his wine glass on the coffee table and laying his head on Seungcheol’s lap. Immediately the platinum blonde starts threading his fingers through his hair.

After dinner, and a small argument about helping them wash the dishes; you won. The four of you made your way to the insanely comfortable couch. Your legs are on top of Jeonghan’s lap, laying back against the couch cushion, nursing your wine glasses on top of your stomach. “It’s okay, he told me that you guys already knew.” You smile, digging your heel into Jeonghan’s thigh, earning a painful hiss from the fake blonde.

“So you don’t think it’s weird that we watch.” Seungcheol breaks the silence this time, turning to face you. Apologetic eyes find your sleepy ones. “I’m sorry for being mean to you by the way. I’m not good with abrupt changes.”

“It’s okay.” You say, winking at him. “The comments roll by so fast sometimes that there’s not really enough time to read everything and take it in.” You shrug and take a sip from your wine. “But if it makes you feel better, I found them funny.”

Seungcheol sighs, nodding his head. His shoulders visibly relax for the first time since you walked in through the front door. It was cute. The memory of the comments he had left the first time you appeared next to Wonwoo- which were nothing compared to other very malicious ones you saw - was haunting him. He avoided your eyes for a good portion of the night and kept his questions and comments towards you at a minimum. But now that wall was starting to lift and you could see the Seungcheol that Jeonghan had raved about during your first facetime call.

It was no wonder both Joshua and Jeonghan were head over heels for him. He exuded child-like energy when he wasn’t thinking too hard. And held so much love and care for his two boyfriends. There was no doubt in your mind that he wouldn’t go to the end of the Earth if it meant keeping them safe and full of light.

“We also know about Wonwoo and he’s a fucking asshole.” Joshua sits up again. “Hot, but still an asshole.” He adds, earning eye rolls from both Seungcheol and Jeonghan. The amount of trust they had for one another was otherworldly. You could only wish to one day find a love as beautiful as theirs.

“He still hasn’t talked to you right?” Jeonghan pats your thighs and proceeds to draw invisible circles with his index finger on top of them.

You shake your head, “I’m not going to be the first one to text him either.”

“Good.” Seungcheol chimes in. “He doesn’t deserve you. The man’s practically in love with you but lying to himself about it. I should know I’ve been in his shoes.” He points between him, Jeonghan, and Joshua to prove his point.

“I really doubt it.” You pipe up, crossing your arms in front of you, balancing your wine glass on top of your belly.

“Okay, so you’re both really stupid them,” Seungcheol smirks, holding his arm out to prevent Joshua’s smack from reaching him. Mumbling to treat his guests with respect.

“See Princess, I’m not the only one who sees it.” Jeonghan takes your wine glass from your stomach before it topples over making you pout. “Everyone should just listen to me more.”

“Leave her alone.” Joshua, your personal defense squad of one exclaims. You send him a kiss in which he catches, sending you a wink. You grin sleepily snuggling deeper into the couch. Five glasses of wine were definitely your limit. You’re ready to indulge in the best sleep of your life.

“I just don’t want my favorite show to be over.” Seungcheol whines, pouting.

“Oh, it’s not over.” Jeonghan snickers, grabbing the throw blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over your frame. Both Joshua and Seungcheol left sitting there confused. “Right, Princess?”

You hum and nod, closing your eyes. A fifteen-minute nap was all you needed and then you’ll go home. “I have surprises up my sleeves, so I expect you all to be there on Wednesday at ten.” You mumble.

“Can’t say I’m a bit scared now.” Joshua swallows, draping his arm over Seungcheol, who had scooted closer to Jeonghan. “And excited.”

“As you should be.”

Wednesday night came in a blink of an eye.

Not that Wonwoo cared, he had barely slept for the last four nights. Instead stayed up tossing and turning and replaying the entire fight in his head. Beating himself up about it. It was so vivid, he could still feel your tears coating the skin of his thumbs. He could still see the way your eyes fell, broken and full of melancholy because of his words.

He didn’t know why he wanted to hurt you, that was his number one goal when he followed you into the back room. Everything that came out of his mouth he regretted instantly, but every time he registered what he had said, you would say something and he’d instantly eat his apology. Replacing it with words he knew would affect you.

He was a terrible friend. That much he knew. His intentions were innocent until they weren’t. He felt so betrayed that you were finding other people to confide in that weren’t him. It was so incredibly selfish how he wanted to keep you all to himself. The world was cruel and didn’t deserve your heart and the person you were. He didn’t deserve you or your heart. Which is why he wanted to just lock himself in. Wrap his arm around you so tightly so you wouldn’t be able to escape.

It was stupid and confusing and it was keeping him up at night. He hadn’t slept for four days, staring at his phone screen, ignoring Maya and Jeonghan’s messages. The only person he wanted to talk to was you. But he couldn’t bring himself to text you or take the elevator up to the fifth floor.

In truth, Wonwoo was afraid that when he texted you again, apologizing like he needed to do. You’d forgive him and that’s the last thing he wanted. As twisted as it sounded, Wonwoo had fucked up so badly that he didn’t deserve your forgiveness at all.

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots in anger. He missed you more than anything in the world. He felt so empty inside, so hollow that if someone were to knock against his chest it would echo.

Why couldn’t you just tell him who you were in love with? If you had, the fight wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have stooped so low in an attempt to hurt you the way he was hurting. He had his mind made up when he walked into Minghao’s bookstore. Felt on top of the world until it came crashing down when he heard your confession to Minghao.

He was supposed to be the one you came to with all your problems. Not Minghao, not Jeonghan, him. And you were pushing him aside, acting like someone that was completely different from the person he grew up with. He refused to believe that that was you. Refused to acknowledge the fact that he was the one at fault because he had been the one to put that wall between the two of you years ago.

It was easier to tell him that you had changed, rather than accept the fact that you weren’t as innocent as the girl he grew up with. If he were to admit it, things would change drastically. And Wonwoo hated change as much as the next person in line.

The whole situation sucked. He wished it had never happened but it didn’t and there was nothing he could do but apologize. So he opened his phone, clicked the notes app, and copied the entire apology he spent countless nights perfecting. Opened your message thread, pasted the five-paragraph-long apology, and just as he was about to hit send. The ping of the infamous app sounded.

Woo96 is going live.

Wonwoo’s mouth went dry, his hands clamming up. With shaking fingers he clicked the notification and he felt the air leave his lungs, blinking rapidly trying to focus his vision.

There you were, in one of his t-shirts. A glass dildo and a vibrator placed strategically next to you on the bed. The fairy lights hung around the room, twinkling in a deep shade of purple, making the room darker.

What the fuck were you doing? He thought angrily sitting up from his bed. He was so incredibly angry he wanted to cry. Not because you went live without him, that was the last thing he cared about. Right now he wanted to know why the fuck your face was in the frame, your eyes lined with black eyeliner, blush-colored cheeks, and glossy lips. Why weren’t you hiding? Why were you breaking rule number six? Why wasn’t he with you?

He needed to be with you. Stop everything before you start. The tips had already started coming in fast, reaching the goal before you had muttered a word. He jumped up from his bed, typing quickly.

Woo96: baby, don’t do this, please. Dom.Han: princess, get off not like this. Princejisoo: ANNOUNCEMENT: STREAM IS CANCELLED EVERYONE LEAVE!!!! Cherrycheol69: EVERYONE LISTEN TO MY BOYFRIEND ^^^ The8: this is 100% the opposite of what I meant.

Wonwoo stuffed his feet into his slides and threw his door open. His heart was beating against his ears, skimming through the comments. You ignored the ones that we’re asking you to get off, smiling shyly at the ones calling you pretty, pushing your legs together tightly.

gyuishard donated 200 coins gyuishard: beautiful, hand in marriage when???

Wonwoo presses the up arrow to the elevator repeatedly, praying for the useless machinery to finally work with him instead of against him. He pressed ‘comment’ again, typing quickly. A plea? A request? He didn’t know, didn’t care, he just needed you to get off. God, why were you being so fucking careless?

Fine, he admits it, you hadn’t changed at all. He just stopped trying to get to know you, afraid his feelings for you would come back. But he did know for a fact that you hadn’t thought this one through. At least not as you usually did.

The elevator dinged, announcing its arrival just as he was about to hit send, hoping the comment wouldn’t get lost in the sea of praises and ludicrous requests. He stepped in, chewing on his bottom lip, hitting the fifth-floor button when your voice sounded through the speaker of his phone.

His heart stopped completely when he took in your words, and he felt it break into pieces when you tugged off your shirt, chucking it to the side. Liking your index finger and circling your nipple. Your eyes filled with lust, burning holes into the lens of his webcam. With a smirk you leaned closer to the camera, licking your lips, adding a sultry pop.

“Welcome to Woo’s Game Room, tonight it’s just me, your baby girl.

Wonwoo was in such a state of panic that he forgot to press the button to your floor. He stood there in the back corner of the elevator, his back against the cold metal, while your moans got increasingly louder through his phone speaker. It wasn’t until his neighbor, with an odd look, one in between curiosity and disgust, that he realized that his phone was at full volume and he had been standing staring at the ten little numbered buttons for longer than he intended. Stumbling, he exited the app not before taking in your appearance, close to your orgasm. His heart hurt. He was supposed to be there with you. Pleasing you. A dirty little secret that would go unnoticed by everyone except the two of you.

Why did you do it? The two of you promised to not let the whole camming business get in between the two of you. And it had done exactly that. He wasn’t sure how to face you when he was so angry and sad at the same time. Where he wanted to hurt you and apologize to you. He was so confused, probably as confused as the old lady who waved her tan wrinkly hand in front of his face. He noticed that she was talking to him, her face morphed into worry.

Wonwoo was frozen, his bloodstream turning sour, his heart pounding against his hot ears. The only thing replaying in his head was the look of mischief behind your eyes when he opened the app. He could hear the sound of your moans mixing with the sound of his heartbreaking. It came fast, the ever-approaching headache he had tried his hardest to prevent the past three days.

“Sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking at the end of the simple word because even that was hard for him to get out. How the fuck was he going to face you and spill out all the things he had been keeping from you? Starting with how angry he was and ending with how sorry he was.

The old lady only nodded, stepping aside, holding her mail keys close to her chest. Wonwoo pushed himself away from the elevator walls. Scrunching up his nose as he finally took in the unpleasant smell of metal and pressed the number five. He turned to face his neighbor, silently asking the floor she needed to go to even though Wonwoo very much knew. Both of them were frequent partners when it came to fetching the mail, but he still felt like he needed to ask.

It was a way to put some normalcy in the obscure scene she had walked into. She didn’t answer him, instead kept her eyes trained on one of the four corners of the elevator. It was like she could sense his panic, especially when Wonwoo pressed the number to your floor. The two of you were her favorite neighbors, frequently mumbling a nostalgic ‘young love’ underneath her breath when she caught the two of you either bickering or laughing. Her mail could wait, but she knew Wonwoo couldn’t and a trip down to the first floor would delay everything.

The second the metal doors started to creak open, Wonwoo rushed out, squeezing himself through a wide enough gap. He ran, his breathing increased, and by the time he was standing in front of your front door. He was panting as he had just finished competing in a triathlon.

He scrambled to unlock your front door. Getting the passcode wrong the first three tries. Which frustrated him because why was he suddenly forgetting his own birthday? He finally managed to get it right the fourth time; 1996717 he repeated to himself, obsessively as he opened your door. It took his mind away from the ache he was feeling all throughout his body.

Quickly, he kicked off his slides and made his way through your apartment. Your phone lighting up in missed calls and text messages next to a half-empty glass of rosé on your coffee table, a bowl of half-eaten caramel popcorn and Clueless paused on your projected screen. Instantly he knew your decision was a spur-of-the-moment one, otherwise, you wouldn’t be watching your comfort movie.

He felt his breath speed up again and without a second thought he took off his hoodie. A shiver ran throughout his body, causing the goosebumps to rise against the cold air of your apartment. His strides get longer and faster as he made his way down the hallway, gripping the soft cotton tightly. The guest bedroom was ajar, he could see you, pressing your light pink silicone vibrator against your clit, no doubt trying to pull another orgasm from you from the way your body was already shaking. He frowned, the pings only got louder and faster, you were mumbling incoherently, whining. Sounds he was supposed to pull from you, sounds meant for him only along with the look of total bliss painted on your face.

It was enough to send his body into autopilot. Not like it wasn’t running on autopilot before it had just kicked in a bit later than expected. He pushed the door open hard enough for it to hit the wall. You jumped up screaming in complete horror, your arms flying up to cover yourself. Wonwoo didn’t look, he couldn’t. Not unless he wanted to sink to his knees and use his mouth the way he had been fantasizing for weeks now.

Instead, he walks past you, throwing you his hoodie, “Cover-up.” He grumbles stepping in front of his webcam, leaning in enough to cover you completely. He didn’t bother to look at the comments because he knew they were angry, but he could care less right now there were more pressing matters at hand. Number one is to put an end to your stream, so that’s what he did. With a shaky hand, he got a hold of his mouse and clicked the red button, ending it. Like second nature he deleted the video from his page, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from screaming when he saw that you weren’t using an incognito tab. Closing the tab he silently hoped that no one had been too consumed in their own pleasure or smart enough to start tracking you down.

“I was in the middle of something.” You say bitterly, your throat closing up, your body shrinking in on itself flushed with embarrassment. You kept your arms around you, shivering. The light buzz of your long-forgotten vibrator humming against the bedsheets.

Wonwoo turns around, his jaw tense, arms crossed in front of his naked chest. “Cover-up, I’m running you a bath.” He says before walking out of the room. His anger wavering behind, engulfing you like a heated blanket, making you visibly uncomfortable. Still, you put on his hoodie, letting it stick onto you like a second skin.

You hated it. But his scent was so comforting, something you needed so desperately right now that you didn’t care.

In hindsight going live on Wonwoo’s account wasn’t the best idea. But then again, you only knew how to maneuver things from his account. The last two times you had done this, with him, he was the one that set everything up. While you peered over his shoulder, barely paying attention, focused more on your nerves rather than learning in case he were to ask you to get things going. And because you were more than positive that you would never go live without him.

What a sweet and naive dream.

You fumbled with your hands, pulling and pushing the sleeves of his sweatshirt. For the first time in the last few days, your mind was blank, zoning in on your embarrassment and Wonwoo’s anger. Praying he was more upset than disappointed because you could handle Wonwoo being upset with you, not disappointed. That was something you could not handle, probably would not be able to survive because it only meant that you crossed a line. A line you would not be able to return from.

“So dumb,” you whisper to yourself burying your head in your hands. Slowly letting go of the tears you had refused to spill after your fight with Wonwoo. You knew you shouldn’t have done what you did, you knew it was your way of getting underneath his skin. A low blow on your part when you remembered the fear that had flashed through his eyes after he firmly made you promise not to ever show your face on camera. After he had underlined the rule in five different colored pens when you printed them out for him.

And you had done just that. Betrayed him in a way that sent you off into the void. To the point of no return.

“Let’s go,” Wonwoo whispers, helping you stand up. Silently he guides you to your bathroom. Lights dim, illuminated by non-scented candles. The smell of lavender hits your nose and it only makes you cry harder. Even upset, Wonwoo always put you first and it was so unfair. Especially after everything you had just done.

He stands in front of you, brings his hoodie up, letting it fall down to your feet. “Careful, please.” He wipes away your tears with the pad of his thumbs and guides you to the tub. Holding your arm as you slowly sink down into it. The heat of the water, warming you up, turning your bones into mush and it only made you cry even harder.

“I-I’m sorry Woo. It’s not an excuse b-but I w-was so angry.” You hiccup, hugging your knees up to your chest, shutting your eyes as he pours water over your head. He doesn’t say anything, instead continues to pour water over your head until your hair is drenched and dripping. It scares you how quiet he is, barely lets out a hum as he reaches out for your shampoo. “Can you please say something?” You sniffle, closing your eyes tightly.

Maybe he didn’t care. That’s why he wasn’t saying anything. You expected him to blow up, curse like the words tasted like candy to him. This you weren’t expecting and it scared you beyond belief, because as the silence made its way underneath your floorboards and over the two of you. The thought of never seeing him again after tonight was starting to become more and more real.

If only you could go back in time and never suggested joining him in the first place. The two of you would still be thinking the world of one another and you would’ve lived in denial a bit longer. Sure you would have probably been in an overwhelming amount of debt but that reality was better than the one you were living in now.

Losing your best friend and first love all in the same night.

Wonwoo places his palm over your forehead, “Close your eyes.” He states making you nod doing as he says. He pours water over you again, repeatedly, rinsing your shampoo out of your hair, until it’s all gone. You wrap your arms around your chest, bringing your knees down sitting criss-cross applesauce. The cold starts to seep in and your teeth start clattering. Wonwoo hurries, applying your conditioner to the ends of your hair, combs through it carefully using your hot pink wide-tooth comb, and lets it sit as he starts to wash the rest of your body. He’s practically racing against time. He can feel your body grow colder as he swipes your soapy sponge all over your back. He swallows hard when he reaches your shoulder, scrubbing gently as he makes his way down the front of your body, making you freeze.

For some reason, for the two of you. This felt far more intimate than anything that had occurred between the two of you the past two weeks. He was supposed to be angry, not thinking of ways to open his heart up to you. So he starts to think of things that were inherently sexual like strawberries, though the thought of having you naked, biting into one as he watches the juice run down your lips and chin, enough for him to lick it up, quickly makes its way into his head. So he changes the page, tries to remember the lecture notes completely abandoned on his desk back home, and quickly rinses the rest of your body along with your hair.

He stands up clearing his throat and grabs your fluffy white towel, holding it wide open. “Be careful when you stand up.” He mumbles, focusing his eyes on your white bathroom tiles. You nod and get up using the side of your tub as guidance.

It was frustrating. Dancing around the topic. Letting the elephant in the room stomp all over the two of you. His jaw was clenched in anger and no matter how hard he tried to hide his shaking hands, they were in full display as he waited for you to walk into them. So, you did exactly that. Without hesitation he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close, squeezing you to the point you couldn’t breathe. If you didn’t know any better you’d think he was attempting to suffocate you to death. With a sigh, he rested his chin on top of your head, breathing in deeply, counting by twos all the way to one hundred, and you start crying again.

It would’ve been better if he was screaming at you. Expressing his evident anger and disappointment in you. But him staying silent, deflecting everything while you tore yourself apart inside was worse.

“I’ll make you some tea, get dressed and I’ll meet you in your room.” He pulls away, sweeping his thumbs underneath your eyes, taking your tears with him. A pained expression running past his warm eyes. That’s when you knew he was beating himself up inside too. He didn’t want part two of the fight at the bookstore. He was usually good at keeping his emotions in check, but hearing those words fall out of your perfect lips with equal amounts of sincerity and pain blinded him.

One second he was next to Maya, the next he was screaming things he shouldn’t have even thought about. Before he could take in the entire situation Maya was dragging him out of the store, worried beyond belief.

He didn’t want part two of that ever.

“Okay.” You nod, holding the towel up to keep it from falling. Wonwoo takes one last look at you, then the white bathroom tiles and finally the broken reflection of the two of you through your bathroom mirror. He takes another deep breath and turns around fast enough to give anyone whiplash. He knew if he stayed any longer in your presence he’d be falling on his knees, begging for your forgiveness while chasing your sweet relief.

So he walks out.

Wonwoo walks into your room wearing his hoodie from earlier holding a steaming hot cup of chamomile tea tightly in his hand. After brushing your hair, putting it in a braid because you couldn’t be bothered to dry it and getting dressed. You laid down on your bed, covering yourself with your fleece blanket, listening to Wonwoo loudly make his way throughout your apartment. You figured he was cleaning up while waiting for the kettle to boil.

That’s something the two of you had in common. Whenever anxious, upset or sad, cleaning was somehow always the solution. It gave the two of you a sense of balance. A way to clear your head and assess the situation before acting out irrationally. That’s why whenever the two of you had fights, they never grew into something more.

That is until now. Everything was so fucked, so confusing. Your head was so entangled that you didn’t know if there was a way to fix anything without cutting each other off completely. Especially with the way your heart was behaving, refusing to let him go even though he didn’t belong to you anymore.

“I’m upset.” He states, placing down a cork coaster on your bedside table and placing your mug on top of it. “I can’t understand why you would do such a thing even after I told you how dangerous it was.” He sighs, taking a seat in front of you placing his hands on top of your covered thighs. “I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to you.” He finishes. His confession dawns on you, leaving you speechless.

A story, an experience had been left untouched between the two of you, and with how Wonwoo’s gaze traveled around your room nervously, it was a story he wasn’t ready to tell. But definitely one he couldn’t keep inside any longer. In a way, he blames himself and his inability to let you in on something so scarring for what you had done. But at the same, he knew that regardless if he had told you or not, your anger sometimes got the best of you and your uncalculated brain would take over.

“What happened?” You whisper, placing your hand over his, squeezing it gently. He retrieves his gaze, by now he had started counting the colorful pom pom balls you hung around your room when you first moved in. Another interior design project he helped you out on. He was so imprinted in your life and you were so imprinted in his. That the decision he had made earlier while he was washing your dishes haunted him. Pained him to the point he wanted to leave, build a time machine, and reset everything. To a moment in life where the two of you ceased to exist in each other’s lives.

He felt awful for thinking about it. But a part of him had convinced himself that without him, your life would be better.

He swallows, scooting himself closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing you close. It’s something he shouldn’t be doing but he needed to feel you close to him. “When I first started doing this, I wasn’t as careful as I am now. I was learning, and so excited because of the amount of money I was making in one sitting that I didn’t think everything through.”

He pauses, bringing his attention to your joined hands with a painful smile. “I started a sexual relationship with an older man who would watch my streams. He messaged me once out of blue and I stupidly entertained the idea. After five months I found he was married and had two daughters, I tried to stop, but I liked the way he treated me like there was nothing wrong with me and I loved the way he showered me with presents and money so I pushed the fact I was being selfish and meddling in a situation that I didn’t belong in.” He takes a deep breath, resting his head on top of your chest, “He started to want more. Would talk about how he wanted to run away with me and leave his family behind so I told him that we should stop talking. I thought it was okay, that it was good because he didn’t contact me for two weeks.”

“Wonwoo why di-”

“Christian showed up at school, waited until I left my last class of the day, and cornered me when I walked out. That’s when I realized that he was having me followed for those two weeks. That the cryptic emails I ignored because I thought they were spam were a warning. Maya was there, she wasn’t my lab partner at the time but she saw how scared I was as I tried to get away from him, that she came and whisked me away using the project we had been assigned as an excuse.”

“Wait, Maya knew?” You furrow your brows, resting your hand against his shoulder, squeezing it gently making him sigh.

Wonwoo nods, shutting his eyes, nosing your neck gently. Your smell always managed to comfort him, it made him feel safe and all warm inside. “After that day I got threatening letters in the mail. Unlabeled packages that I was so scared to open that I just threw away and so was Maya. That’s when I decided to take everything to court, to get a restraining order against him because now he wasn’t just messing with me but with someone that I had started to care about also. And I was so scared that he would eventually find out about you, find out what you meant to me and somehow make your life much worse than mine just because you knew me, and I couldn’t let that happen. So I fought so hard and eventually after weeks, almost a month I was granted a restraining order because that’s the only thing the judge could grant me, even though his charges were enough to land him at least fifteen years in jail.” He sighs, “I guess that’s what having money really means.”

It’s silent, enough to hear the exact moment the air conditioning turns on. Your mouth runs dry from the lack of words you have to offer him. You want to say so much but so little at the same time, and no matter in what direction you took it. The words you had to offer him wouldn’t be the right ones.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You whisper, pushing his body away and placing your palms on his cheeks, red as the color of brick. His skin burns to the touch and you see the disappointment flash through him. It pains you but that’s the only thing you could think of saying. Putting your own curiosity above his hurt, but then again you weren’t the person he entrusted in and found comfort in back then so why should you be that person now? The situation was long gone and over, his heart had already started to heal and his fear had long disappeared. If not he wouldn’t have kept camming, so truly what role did you have now but to wonder why he kept such a secret from you for so long?

Wonwoo scoffs, removing his arms from your body. “I know you, you would’ve demanded why I was talking to Christian, how I met him, and would have made me feel even worse than what I already felt. You would’ve also inserted yourself into the problem, giving him a free pass to mess with you too.”

You poke the inside of your cheek with your tongue, clicking it before rolling your eyes. “Thanks for telling me what you really think of me.” You stand up, laughing bitterly. “I feel so fucking stupid, all these years I spent falling for you, trusting you were all a waste because fuck I knew you would never feel the same way as me but I at least thought you trusted me.”

“What?” He stands up, ignoring the last part of your rant, rolling up your fleece blanket in a ball and throwing it onto your bed. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I knew you would react this way.” He exclaims, taking a deep breath. “And what you’ve done tonight was so stupid. I can’t even begin to imagine what those creeps are doing now, getting your IP address like it’s a piece of cake and now I have to figure out a way to fix it.”

“I don’t need you too!” You exclaim harshly.” “I’m sorry Wonwoo for being such an inconvenience in your life, but I’ve told you time and time again that I’m capable of taking care of myself. I know how to defend myself. I’m not stupid.” You shake your head, running your hands over your face in frustration. “I know I fucked up, I know okay I already feel like shit and I’m completely terrified but if you’re going to act like being around me and protecting me -” you say adding air quotes, “is such a chore when that was your decision and your decision alone then I don’t want you to be here.”

“It wouldn’t feel like such a chore if you were just honest with me from the start.”

You throw your hands up in the air, “Are you serious? This again? Why should I Wonwoo when you’ve been keeping shit from me too and shit that’s serious?” You huff, “If you really want to know then all you need to do is look in the mirror Wonwoo, cause the person I’m in love with is you and I hate it because I know you don’t feel the same w-way.” You cringe at the way your voice breaks at the end. This wasn’t how you wanted to confess but it was easier than having it bloom into something more. Now that it was out there, now that you were positive that after today you would never see Wonwoo again. You could finally start to allow yourself to move on. Your head didn’t need to be plagued with a bunch of what if’s, when they ceased to exist.

“M-Me?” The little air he had in his lungs leaves him and finally feels that suffocating feeling you had been struggling with since Saturday. “Why didn’t you t-tell me?” He pushes out. It feels like he’s drowning but being saved at the same time. Half of him, the half that is so sure that you’re the only one for him feels alive. But the other half is sending out warning signals, to turn around and run away, never looking back. To him you’re more than enough, you’re absolutely everything he dreams about at night. His absolute angel, carved to perfection, but he’s scared that he will never be that for you.

Sure your words are saying something, but what happens after a month? After the two of you cross that forbidden line that was crossed long before? You’d finally realize the kind of person Wonwoo is. The side he kept hidden from you because he hated it more than anything in this world. He can’t bring himself to put you and himself through that heartbreak. One that will hurt more than the one the two of you are experiencing now.

“How could I? When I finally admitted it to myself I was already too late and you had Maya.”

Wonwoo shakes his head, “I don’t have Maya, she doesn’t feel the same way. Told me a day before our date.” He shrugs and takes a seat at the edge of your bed, pulling on the sleeves of his hoodie.

You do a double-take, standing frozen by your dresser, “You went on a date though, I saw you two at the bookstore.”

Wonwoo smiles sadly, “We went on the date because she felt bad for agreeing and so instead she begged me to let her be my wing woman.” He shrugs, a faint blush forming on his cheeks.

Now you’re confused, more than before, “So she can be your wing-woman but I can’t?” You cross your arms, pouting childishly.

“I can’t have the person I love be her own wing woman, I’m positive it doesn’t work that way.”

Time stops. Just like how you always imagined it when it came to confessing to Wonwoo or the other way around. Though you never expected it to go this way. It’s all too much, too overwhelming, your body vibrating from equal amounts of happiness and fear.

For the third time in the night, you’re left without words. Wonwoo is nervously looking everywhere but you, fidgeting with the ribboned sleeves of his hoodie to hide his shaking hands, his leg bouncing anxiously. You’ve never seen him so scared but at the same time so relieved. A confident, smug look on his face, resembling a kid who just kissed someone on the playground behind the slides.

A part of you wants to slap him while the other part of you wants to kiss him.

“You’re lying.” You whisper.

“I’m not. This is something I will never lie about.” He sighs, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from breaking out into a smile.

You walk over to him and sit down, “Now what?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He sighs, placing his arm over your shoulders, “I’m sorry for being such an ass. You’re not an inconvenience to me and you never will be.” He tucks you into his side, fingers skating down the side of your arm in a ghost-like manner. “I went to the bookstore on Saturday to tell you how I felt because I couldn’t wait, but then I walked in and heard you tell Minghao that you were in love, I got so angry at myself for realizing it too late.” He stops placing a gentle kiss against the crown of your head. “I was so convinced that the feelings I had for you were just platonic until Maya made me realize they weren’t.”

You laugh because it took Minghao prying it out of you to realize that what you felt for Wonwoo was beyond words. “We’re pretty stupid aren’t we.” You tilt your head up to look at him, eyes, rimmed red from crying, glimmering with wonder against the pale yellow light of your bedside table lamp. “I’m sorry too for tonight. I didn’t think it through and just did the first thing I knew was going to hurt you the most.” You wrap your arms around his waist, burying your head inside the crock of his neck. “It’s no excuse but I’m so so so sorry Woo.”

“It did hurt and it was stupid, probably top ten of the stupidest things you have ever done.” He chuckles, massaging your arm. “But everything is going to be okay. I deleted the stream right after I stopped the broadcast and the website doesn’t allow any screen recording or screencaps. And I know you don’t need me protecting you, but I swear if anyone comes near you, you’ll be visiting me in prison.”

“I heard their lunch menu has improved, it probably wouldn’t be so bad.” You joke, pinching the side of his arm making him retrieve into himself, sending you a pointed look.

“It’d be pretty hard to have a wedding there, but if that’s what you like then I can try and pull some strings.”

Your body grows hot at the thought of marrying him. Truthfully you had never let yourself dream that far into the future. You always figured that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings so you always cut the bud before the daydream got too grand. But now that you knew that he was in love with you, totally irrevocably in love with you. Conjuring up that daydream felt nice and you never wanted it to stop.

“You’re so cute.”

You whine, eyes growing wide and you bury your face into his neck again, nosing his chin gently making him shudder at the incredibly intimate gesture. Intimate in his books of course because it was enough to fire up his insides like a forest fire.

Wonwoo loved it.

After a moment of silence, basking in the afterglow of a love so real it overwhelmed the entire solar system; you finally clear your throat rising to face him. “What now?”

This was the moment Wonwoo didn’t want to face. In fact, if he could just stop time and hold you in his arms for the rest of his life, even if it meant that he’d lose his life to time, he would. This was something he had been going over in his mind for the past four nights that he couldn’t sleep and after tonight, despite it holding the most important moment of his entire life. He knew that what he was about to say next was the right thing to do.

“I don’t think we should date.” He whispers. The way your body stills at his suggestion is something he never wants to experience ever in his life. Especially when you’re now staring at him with broken eyes.

“What but y-you sa-“

“No, listen to me.” He grabs hold of your face, smoothing out the worried crease between your eyebrows. “There’s two months of the semester left. I know for a fact that what I feel for you is real, but I also think we rushed into things. Let’s not see each other, talk minimally, no cam shows and at the end of the semester when we both graduate we’ll meet at the diner and start over.” He rests his forehead against yours, “I want to get to know you, not the you from before but the you from now.”

It was a talent. Somehow he always managed to say the right things to get you at ease and that in itself was a talent. He was right. The two of you did rush into things, and maybe starting a cam show together under the false pretenses of a platonic relationship didn’t help. It’s what got you in this huge mess in the first place. Though without it neither of you would’ve made it to this moment, at least not any time soon.

These feelings, although lying dormant underneath the surface for years, were still fairly new. Feelings the two of you had to learn to navigate and understand. Rushing into something that has the potential to blossom into an entire spring garden would only make it wither in the end.

So he was right.

“Let’s do that, the diner at eight, same booth.” You agree pulling away and placing a soft kiss against his nose, making it scrunch up cutely. You decide that’s something you will never get tired of. Even when you’re old and grey and need help putting on your socks.

“But can you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

He nods, “Only until you’re asleep.” He reassures more to himself than you before moving up your bed and settling on top of your duvet.

You giggle, crawling your way underneath your sheets, laying on your side facing him. Wonwoo gives you a pointed look before turning on his side to face you. His hand goes up, rests against your cheek before taking your earlobe between his thumb and pointer finger, massaging it gently.

“What’s so funny?”

“Isn’t it a bit cliche, best friends growing up with one another, end up falling in love?”

Wonwoo laughs lightly, closing the gap and kissing your forehead. His lips linger on your skin longer than usual, taking in your scent, your heat, and the way your skin feels against his lips. Two months wasn’t a long time, but in his world, it was an eternity, especially because he’d be away from you.

“You’re worth the cliche.”

When morning comes there’s no smell of dark roast. There’s no sunlight peeking through the small cracks of your curtains. And there’s no Wonwoo. It’s a gloomy, rainy morning, perfect to stay inside and snuggle up with a good book or a trashy reality TV show. There are also no birds chirping, serving as your alarm clock and making the start of your day as cheerful as possible.

No, your alarm wakes you up. The loud blaring sounds through the speaker of your phone, making you groan in annoyance. You sit up fast, grabbing hold of your phone, hitting the ‘off’ button on your alarm, sighing in relief as the silence takes over once again.

You lay down, facing the empty space next to you, smiling as fragments of the night come rushing back.

Wonwoo kept his promise. As much as he didn’t want to leave you. As much as he wanted to be the first thing you woke up to the next day. He kept his promise, gave you one last kiss against your cheek once he was positive you had fallen asleep and left.

He lingered in front of your apartment like a lost puppy for thirty minutes before exhaustion took over and he sadly waddled his way to his apartment. The farther he got away, the more he started to miss you and he had to fight every single bone in his body to keep himself from running back and taking you into your arms. It was unfathomable. He finally got a hold of the love of his life and he was letting her go.

All in the same night.

But he made a promise to you, one he intended on keeping even if it was starting to hurt the closer he got to his apartment.

He needed to prove to himself that he was worthy of you and your love.

Though you hadn’t been fully asleep when he left, and the whisper of a promise and a faint ‘I love you’ being imprinted into the skin of your cheek, came rushing back, making your smile grow wider.

Missing him didn’t start until your alarm clock came to life.

A good six hours later.

How were you going to survive two months without him? You weren’t sure, but instead of letting it consume you with utter despair. You felt all giddy inside like you finally had something grander that you could look forward to besides graduation.

And that was the M&M pancakes from the diner. Wonwoo’s final promise of the night before he left.

“I’ll treat you, just wait for me a little longer.”

You look beautiful today ;)

The butterflies in your stomach erupt the second you read Wonwoo’s text and instantly you look up at him. Your bright eyes find him hiding behind his new black frames. A little part of you dies, paying your kind respects to his round specs. The fantasy of them sliding off his nose while he’s in between your legs dies with it. Buried deep in the confinements of his bedside drawer, while you conjure up a new fantasy, one that involves his new dark frames and it makes your body heat up.

New glasses? I like them, miss the other ones though :(

You set your phone down, returning your attention to the screen of your laptop. The word document sitting untouched as you tried to come up with a new topic sentence for your final paragraph.

Graduation was a week away. Three days to be exact, so not really a week away, but that’s what it felt like. Staying away from Wonwoo was a lot harder than you thought. Everything reminded you of him, from the stray cat you found on your way home from work on a Saturday night - in which of course you named her Lilac after Wonwoo’s favorite flower - to the One Direction song Joshua showed you when you slept over last week.

It was driving you insane, especially because Jeonghan loved to remind you how stupid the two of you were being.

“If you guys want to fuck, just fuck. Stop beating around the bush it’s giving me blue balls and I have sex with my boyfriends at least two times a week.” He drunkenly stated after four margaritas a month ago when you had gone over for margarita night. A national holiday only Joshua, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Maya celebrated.

“Yeah, dude, I’ve been waiting for the moment Wonwoo stops being stupid for years and I’m met with this.” Maya, grumbles blowing out air, making the strands of her fiery red hair that had fallen over her right eye take flight only for it to land against the tip of her nose again. “I say we make a bet on who makes the first move. By the end of this week, they’ll be at it like rabbits.” She lifts her glass, proposing the toast, making the three men yell out their predictions.

Little did they know Wonwoo and you had been texting minimally every day, with the added naughty sext. You had never once made the actual effort to take nudes. But ever since Jeonghan’s Nude 101 lecture, you had started too. And damn, did it turn you on beyond belief. Most nights, if neither of you were slumped with final assignments, projects, or papers. The two of you would spend a good portion of it teasing one another, through tiny blue chat bubbles. It would start innocently, like now. Only for it to increase into slightly more suggestive statements. Until you nor Wonwoo could take it anymore.

One moment you’d be giggling against the pillow fortes on your bed, and then the next your hand would sneakily make its way down your pants. Imagining his fingers. Repeating the dirty words he had texted you in your head while you imagined him doing everything he said he would do to you.

Needless to say, those were the best orgasms you had ever been able to give yourself. And you were damn good at pleasing yourself. But the relentless push and pull had the two of you on your toes. Counting down the days until graduation. Until he got to buy you your favorite meal at the diner, already on the house because Maya wanted to see her ship finally sail.

Three days, that’s all you needed to wait. Three days and two nights. But with the way, Wonwoo looked now. New black frames, tight workout shirt, sitting slightly below his belly button, showing off the silver barbells, the ridges of his abdomen, and his biceps. His cargo pants hanging low on his hips, the band of his black underwear peeking through. By the show of his smirk, you could tell he did this on purpose. Spent an extra hour in front of his bathroom mirror, trying on outfits like a teenage girl getting ready to impress her crush on the first day of junior year of high school. You knew he purposely visited the cafe, ordered his usual black coffee with one pump of chocolate syrup because he knew you would be sitting there working on your final assignment that was due on Saturday morning, an hour before the graduation ceremony.

This wasn’t fair.

Just then, before you could spiral further into the gutter your phone rings. Quickly, almost embarrassingly too quick you pick it up. An insignificant frown appears on your face when it’s Jeonghan’s name on your phone screen and not Wonwoo’s.

No contact for two months? Did Cheol win? Pls, I can’t lose, my reputation is on the line. !!!

You roll your eyes and place your phone down, screen down, and lookup. Both Wonwoo and Jeonghan are looking in your direction. Jeonghan with a suspicious glint behind his tired eyes. His hand protruded with Wonwoo’s drink, slightly annoyed because he was holding up the line. He clears his throat, making Wonwoo jump, his hungry eyes leave you and for the first time in a while, you feel completely naked now that he isn’t looking at you anymore.

They both exchange a few words. Jeonghan’s arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed in determination and you know he’s interrogating Wonwoo which makes you groan in annoyance. Your newfound friends seem to have trouble minding their own business. For weeks now they have been secretly meeting up, every Wednesday after Jeonghan’s closing shift in one of the classrooms along the hallways connected to the Campus Cafe. Their sole purpose is to discuss anything related to the bet they had going on.

Joshua had lost a long time ago along with Maya. Their bets fell through when even after a week you and Wonwoo had respectively kept your distance. Seungcheol had a day left to win and Jeonghan was heavily convinced the two of you would make it to Saturday morning. He claimed because after only knowing you for a short period of time, your self-control was stronger than anyone he had ever known.

In other words, your competitive spirit wouldn’t let you give in, no matter how much you really really really wanted to.

The only reason you knew about these secret debriefing meetings was because yesterday they dragged Yoongi into them. Maya had supposedly seduced him into a classroom while he was passing by only to be interrogated - his exact words - by the four menaces you had grown to love. Apparently, they needed his quiet brooding expertise, because he was the least suspicious person they knew.

Little did they know that Yoongi sitting with you during his break and gifting you a strawberry milkshake only made him more suspicious. To add on he asked about your love life. That was the most he had ever said to you, except for your name every time he announced that your drink was ready. And the, have a lovely day that accompanied it every time you took it from his hand.

Yoongi confessed and apologized after five minutes and the second sip of your drink. Not a second later you were marching up to the counter, thanking your angels that it wasn’t rush hour and the cafe was empty. Except for you, a few other stressed-out students typing furiously on their laptop keyboards. That would’ve been you if you weren’t busy sharing the colorful vocabulary you had adapted while growing up to Jeonghan’s face.

His glare towards Yoongi was deadly, mumbling a quiet, I should’ve never trusted the weakling, underneath his breath. That earned him a hard flick against his forehead from you, making him apologize to his coworker not a moment later.

It was an eventful first two hours. You still had one more before your last class of the day, which was roughly an hour and fifteen minutes long, and finally you’d be home. Underneath your bedspread, hopefully sharing a dirty exchange with Wonwoo before bed.

In hindsight, if you were to tell your friends what was really going on behind the scenes, Minghao would have won a long ass time ago. He wasn’t there when the bet was finalized, but unknowingly Maya had told him. When you clocked in for your shift, the first thing Minghao had told you was that you and Wonwoo wouldn’t last three days without talking to one another. And it had happened exactly like that. Both you and Wonwoo had sworn to secrecy. Changing your names on each other’s phones to not attract any suspicions just in case either of you decided to start your teasing earlier than usual and in the presence of others.

It was fun not giving in to your friends’ antics. Seeing all five of them, now six with the addition of Yoongi made it all the more exciting. And now you were determined not to lose.

He just wanted to remind me of his brother’s birthday tomorrow.

You finally reply to Jeonghan. Wonwoo now walking to the double doors that connected the hallway of classrooms, double-checking to see if anyone was looking before blowing you a kiss and mouthing that he would text you tonight. You don’t get enough time to respond as inconspicuously as possible because the text tone of your phone makes you jump.

I’ll let it slide but if I find out that I lost a month’s worth of einstein bagels, you’re losing your free coffee privileges forever!!!!!!!

Befriending Jeonghan was the greatest and worst thing you have ever done.

The mailroom was only a small overcrowded room next to the laundry room on the first floor. If it didn’t smell like cheap detergent from the convenience store down the street. It smelled like the aging metal and sweat, sometimes weed if you were lucky.

This is where you spent your Friday nights, instead of going out. Somehow a month into your not talking to each other but talking to each other, deal; getting the mail at the same time, on the same day every week had become a part of your routine.

“We aren’t supposed to talk to each other.” You say, inserting the key to your mailbox, opening it, and grabbing the stack of mail you purposely let pile up for Friday’s.

Wonwoo stands next to you copying your movements. “We have one day left.” He rolls his eyes, closing his mailbox. “And that’s not what your text was suggesting earlier.” He side-eyes you, leaning his shoulder against the metal mailboxes, slyly going through his mail. Prolonging the few minutes he has with you.

“Oh, my cousin is getting married, want to be my date?” He grabs the cream-colored envelope in his fingers and turns it so it’s facing you.

You smile, closing your mailbox and picking up the same cream-colored envelope, and showing it to him. “Have to see, I might be busy attending my boyfriend’s cousin’s wedding.” You shrug, taking your key out of the lock. “I think he’ll be okay with me going with my best friend.” You send him a wink and walk towards the door.

The yellow light of the overhead lamp flickers. It almost leaves the two of you in complete darkness and that’s something you definitely want to avoid. There was only a day left. And you weren’t about to break your shitty abstinence streak, here, in the mailroom that smells like weed and cool ocean axe body spray.

Wonwoo, though, has other ideas. He’s close to tipping over the iceberg. More so now that you indirectly referred to him as your boyfriend, when he had done a shitty job of asking you to be his through a voice note while he was in mid-orgasm. Your response was a voice note of you laughing - the melodic laugh he hadn’t had the privilege of hearing in person for almost two months made his stomach jump, only for it to plummet into the deep ocean when you declined. He sat there frayed, cum covering his chest, putting a damper on the sweet high he had just experienced. He didn’t answer for what seemed like an hour but really, only five minutes had gone by.

The next text he got from you, was your promise of a definite yes on graduation night. It weaved the disappointment and sadness away as it was replaced with more impatience. His eagerness kept him up all night that day. The next day Maya made fun of his eye bags under the bright fluorescent lights of the lab classroom.

He didn’t talk to her for the full two hours, which only made her teasing worse.

Wonwoo should’ve never introduced her to Jeonghan. Now he had a second Jeonghan in female form making his life miserable every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon from two to four.

“Wait a few more minutes.” He rushes, taking long strides and closing the door to the mailroom. The impact shakes the overhead lamp and finally after months of hanging on by a literal thread it goes out. Leaving the two of you in complete darkness.

Your breathing hitches, lodges itself in the back of your throat, “Wonwoo.” The single word, his name, was the only thing you could get out. Even though it’s only a faint whisper, as his body basically traps you in. Instantly you forget about all the smells of the small room, basking in the comfort of Wonwoo’s cologne. His hand is still on the doorknob, his other clenching and unclenching by his side.

“Just one kiss and I’ll let you go.” He whispers, bringing his face down. You could feel his breath against your neck and you curse yourself while thanking yourself for wearing your hair up instead of down. “Please, I’ll be good, just one kiss.” His lips hover above your skin, his warm breath fanning it, delicately kissing it.

You swallow, closing your eyes. It was tempting. Everything about Wonwoo was tempting, to the way he purposely chose to wear a crop top today, showing off the metal stud adorning his belly button. To the sweet messages, he sent you every night before bed. Paragraphs recounting loving memories of the two of you that he would never let go of. Or essays of the things he loved most about you. Every night was something new and it only made your heart for him grow in size.

One day you’ll be able to see yourself from his point of view and understand why he thought the world of you. And you couldn’t wait.

“And let Jeonghan win, he’s so serious about this. I bet he has spies everywhere we go.” You joke, swallowing thickly before turning around and placing your hand on his chest. It sends a shaking jolt through your body, almost knocking you down and giving in. But you are stronger than this, you spent almost a decade hiding your romantic feelings and sexual attraction towards him. You could wait one day.

“Tomorrow, I’ll give you all the kisses you want and more.” You tilt your head, tapping your fingers against his chest. He bites his bottom lip and sighs, letting go of the doorknob, and steps back, taking his comforting aura and smell with him.

Finally, you could breathe again.

“After tomorrow I’m never letting you go.” He stuffs his hands in the pocket of his sweats, pushing them further down, leaving very little to your ever-present imagination. “You go up first before I change my mind and take you against the wall.”

“I think having sex on camera again is something I don’t want to do for a while or probably ever.” You point at the security camera in the corner of the room. The red light flickering, indicating that it was indeed working. “That Mingyu dude finally got the message and stopped dming me on Instagram.”

“You could’ve just blocked him.” Wonwoo sighs.

“And have him make more accounts? I don’t think so.” You shake your head, “Plus he’s cute and used to let me cheat off him in our college math course a couple of years ago.”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and closes the distance between the two of you again. This time not caring about a camera or a bet or the fact that he was already semi-hard, and circles his arms around your waist reeling you in. “He’s cute?” His jealousy seeps through and he feels ashamed. Only a little.

“Calm down baby boy, you know I only want you.” You giggle and push him away again, making him drop his hands. “I’m going now, stay, if you follow me I’ll let front desk Kyle know that you watched The Lord of the Rings series last week.”

“That’s cruel. You know he won’t shut up about it if you get him talking. He’s worse than apartment 203 Kyle every time a new Avengers movie comes out.” He whines, stomping his foot on the ground childishly.

You smile, reaching behind and opening the door. “Then you know not to follow me.”

He nods, stepping back until he hits the metal mailboxes, the single overhead light starts flickering again, slowly bringing the room back to life. “I’ll miss you.”

You don’t answer, instead, you blow him a kiss and walk out. Years ago, back when you were fifteen, after a disastrous date and messy inexperienced make-out session with the boy in the mailroom, you swore that being with Wonwoo wasn’t what the universe wanted. Now a decade later, a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree a day away, you were more than positive that this is what the universe wanted.

You and Wonwoo together, until the end of time because truthfully the only person you saw yourself ever being with was him.

“Our little girls are growing up.” Seungcheol fake sobs into Joshua’s neck as Jeonghan took a picture of you and Maya in your graduation gowns.

In just two months Maya and you had grown closer and closer. The two of you spent every waking moment together. Sometimes you even visited the diner she worked at, sat in your usual booth doing your assignments, while she kept the unlimited fries - a specialty of the said diner - coming.

This was only after she approached you one afternoon in the hallway on your way home from class. Kindly, she introduced herself and apologized for what had happened at the bookstore. Then you invited her to get coffee and the minute the two of you got talking about anything and everything, you couldn’t stop. She told you about how Wonwoo never shuts up about you and how she has this overpowering crush on her co-worker; Soonyoung.

Tonight she plans on asking him out. She says he’s too focused on his Environment Conservation degree and the decreasing population of tigers to notice any of her advancement. “Shut up, you’re worse than my actual dad and he’s non-existent.” Maya spits out, joking, earning a pointed look from Seungcheol. Every time Maya made a joke about her dad or lack of a dad, Seungcheol always got mad. He says self-deprecating jokes aren’t allowed in the family and that she shouldn’t joke about such a thing because it made him feel bad.

In typical Maya fashion, she ignores him.

“My mom’s already inside with Wonwoo’s parents, they’re saving you all a seat.” You bud in before the start of another argument. An argument only a father and a daughter would have. Maya didn’t have a dad but she sure had Seungcheol and that was enough.

“One more picture please.” Joshua begs, pushing his boyfriend away, “With all three of us, our first family picture.”

“Not a family picture until Wonwoo gets here though and we’re missing Yoongi and Hao,” Jeonghan grumbles. Upset that he had officially lost the bet. He would’ve won if Wonwoo and you decided to carpool to the venue like the two of you originally planned, but he was running late so you decided to just go with Maya.

“Fine, then let’s take a partial family picture and when we finally open the restaurant next week, we’ll take another one.” Joshua combat’s, his snarky tone goes unnoticed, making Seungcheol huff out and Jeonghan rolls his eyes.

Despite only knowing the four of them for two months you had quickly picked up on some of their habits. Whenever Joshua was nervous his sarcasm would increase, almost coming across as rude. But you understood where his nerves were coming from, this was the first time and most public event the three of them attended as boyfriends since officializing their relationship. Though no one on the outside of your friend group would know, it was still enough for his nerves to spiral out of control.

“Can we make it quick, I want to get a good seat?” Maya speaks up, fixing her tassel. You would think after doing this three times, the direction of the tassel before the ceremony would be ingrained into your brains. But neither you nor Maya knew. Opting to google it as your last option.

Tassels go on the right side until their degrees are conferred, then moved to the left.

According to the small box of text that appeared at the top beyond the search. Still, the two of you were unsure until Seungcheol fixed them after picking the two of you up from your apartment.

“Let’s wait for loverboy. He just texted me saying he’s parked.” Jeonghan pipes in, turning his phone around, showing off the short text from Pornsite Loverboy, no doubt Wonwoo. Joshua groans, running a hand through his hair. Every time someone surrounding all of you turns their head for a minuscule second, he starts to silently panic again, making his need to go inside away from prying eyes grow significantly.

Seungcheol places a comforting hand on his shoulder squeezing it gently, making his eyes bulge out of their sockets. The touch is innocent, but in Joshua’s head, it’s not. Every time he’s in this state he can’t stop his mind from entering the gutter.

“I’m scared to know what my name is on your phone.” You point out, shifting from side to side. Decided, wearing heels was the worst idea you could have possibly had today, you hadn’t been standing for long and your feet were already threatening to fall off.

“It’s Princess of Idiocy of course and Maya is Flaming Hot Cheetos cause you know her hair.” He shrugs, shoving his phone into the pocket of his jeans. Maya steps forward, her fist in the air but before she could land her punch. Wonwoo screams, causing all five of you to turn your attention to him. Maya’s attack is gone but certainly not forgotten. Knowing her she was already planning her revenge in her head.

The air in your lungs gets caught in the back of your throat as your eyes finally find Wonwoo’s. He’s running faster than you have ever seen him run. His graduation gown open, showing off his white dress shirt and black slacks. You have to literally pinch your arm to keep yourself from drooling. His hair is styled to perfection with a few strands falling over his left eye. You’re left wondering how it hasn’t moved a centimeter when he finally stops in front of your friend group, smiling wildly.

You have half a mind to completely skip graduation, it wasn’t like you were going to get your diploma right away. HYBE kept it hostage for another eight weeks. So would it even matter to cut your celebration with your family short just to get a head start on the private one you and Wonwoo have had scheduled for two months? You were more than positive that sitting next to him for two hours, listening to a bunch of bullshit speeches about how the future’s looking bright for all graduates would be impossible. Especially when he literally looked good enough to eat.

“Great, now that half of us are here, let’s take this picture. My feet are killing me.” Maya claps her hand, making you jump, taking you out of your thoughts.

“Hello to you too.” Wonwoo chuckles, zipping up his gown, turning to face you. “Help me.” He says extending his hand with his graduation cap to you. You nod and swallow, taking it from his hand, repeating, right first then left as you fix his tassel and place it onto his head. Mourning the loss of his perfectly styled hair, jealous that the stupid cap was the one to ruin it and not you.

“There, you look good.” You whisper, taking a step back.

“Thanks, so do you, beautiful.” He smiles and stands next to you, placing his arm around your waist, and pulling you in. “I’m proud of you, we did it!” He whispers in your ear and leaves a gentle kiss against your temple.

Jeonghan watches the entire scene, raising his brows in suspicion. “You two look awfully too comfortable for not talking for two months.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest and pokes the inside of his cheek with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh they’ve been sexting,” Maya says, standing next to you, circling your waist in a side hug. Wonwoo sends her a glare and she sticks out her tongue at him like a child. “Sorry, but I wasn’t going to miss out on the look of Jeonghan’s face when he found out.” She says pointing at the blonde who was recently sporting a shorter haircut. His mouth opened in shock as he looked between you and Wonwoo.

Offended he puts a hand over his heart. “The two of you have been lying to me?”

“We didn’t want any of you to win.”

“Correction, she didn’t want any of you to win. I was ready to give in a week into our deal.” Wonwoo points out, smirking. You scoff, hitting his chest lightly.

Jeonghan stands up straight, his smile widens, and pushes his hair back, “I don’t care honestly, I just know everyone here has to pay up, especially you two” He points two of his fingers between you and Wonwoo. “I’ll expect the payment by tonight.” He finishes, skipping happily to Wonwoo’s side and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Even though he hadn’t won something inside of you told you that he was going to get his way one way or another.

“So here’s the thing I also expect to be the best man at your wedding too because let’s face it without me you love birds wouldn’t be together.”

You roll your eyes, leaning slightly forward, “Hannie we aren’t together.”

“Yet, she means we aren’t together yet.” Wonwoo buds in, pulling your body closer to his. “By the end of tonight, you’ll be mine.” He whispers in your ear, the same voice he used for his streams, sending a chill down your spine.

“If we’re the last ones to walk across that stage, I’m blaming all of you,” Maya says, pinching both yours and Wonwoo’s arm, making the two of you hiss out in pain.

“Alright alright, let’s take this picture before Maya has a conniption.” Seungcheol chimes standing next to Jeonghan, giving him a kiss on the cheek making the blonde blush deeply.

The five of you wait, watching Joshua go up to an older lady, with bright Fuschia-colored lipstick and hands her his camera. They share a few words, using his charm and good looks to lure her in. You watch as they hug before Joshua is running and standing next to Seungcheol, his arm immediately going around his waist like second nature.

“On three, say, family,” Jeonghan yells, while the lady starts her countdown. You smile, hugging Wonwoo’s waist. Instead of doing as Jeonghan says, you lean up and kiss his cheek as soon as the camera goes off.

“Oh, I-” Wonwoo says, a rose-colored hue decorating his cheeks. He looks down, trying to hide how flustered he is, making you laugh loudly, while the rest of your friends try to figure out what happened. You won’t tell them until Joshua sends his film to develop and though the picture wasn’t complete. It would be one the two of you would cherish for the rest of your lives.

Wonwoo couldn’t keep his hands to himself for more than five minutes. During the whole two-hour ceremony, his arm was either around your waist, shoulders, or simply resting on your lap. Squeezing it every time he heard something he liked. His own special way to keep himself from forgetting it.

When it was finally time to receive your diploma; a blank sheet of paper that gave off the illusion to the spectators. He held your hand the entire time, fingers locked tightly with yours until you had to walk across the stage, shake hands with a bunch of different people you only heard off, not actually seen.

But as soon as the two of you were back to your seats, he was touching you again.

It gave you butterflies, to feel him so close to you but not to the point it would be deemed inappropriate. His touches were intimate but innocent and no one batted an eyelash when his touch found yours again.

His parents and your mom seemed to just know what was going on because they didn’t even question his attachment to you once. Not during the post-ceremony photoshoot with family in front of the huge university sign. Not even during dinner when he insisted on sharing a plate with you. Not even when he fed you a forkful of pasta and sealed it with a cheeky peck on your lips. It was like they were waiting for the moment in which you and Wonwoo got together, again. But with the reaction to their newfound discovery being so anticlimactic you suspected they were just waiting until the two of you finally came to your senses.

And you did.

You suspected they were more proud of you and Wonwoo finishing graduate school. Even more so when Wonwoo promised to someday go back for a Ph.D. in which you most certainly declined the idea immediately. They didn’t care about whatever was going on between the two of you. At least that’s what they kept bragging about to whoever they saw on the street or the waiter at the fancy restaurant they picked out to celebrate.

Still, it gave you a sense of security that no one was freaking out as you had imagined it. Everything was so normal, so easy that it almost scared you to the point of running away. Was love supposed to be this easy? Did you make the right decision? Will this be your utter downfall instead of your success? You almost wished you had declined the dinner reservation and just gone to Jeonghan’s place instead. Bottomless mojitos were his promise, and it was so tempting. Honestly, you would’ve given in if it weren’t for the sparkle of pride behind your mom and Wonwoo’s parents’ eyes.

In a way, they were your kryptonite.

Wonwoo saw your distress as soon as the dessert was placed down in the middle of the table. He held your hand tightly underneath the table and kissed your cheek before handing you a spoon. After the chocolate cake had basically disappeared, he made it his mission to get the two of you out of there as fast as possible. Before either, his mom or your mom stopped playing coy and started asking questions that neither of you really had the answer to.

He succeeded, both of you said your goodbyes as quickly as possible before exiting the restaurant and practically dragging you to his car.

The entire car ride was silent. One of his Spotify playlists playing through his car speakers. It felt nice like it used to feel but this time the two of you were connected on a much deeper level. A plane where the two of you simultaneously existed as not only best friends but lovers. It was like a dream come true. And even though you were slightly scared to take this life-altering step with him, you were still excited to see how beautiful it was going to turn out.

“My place or yours?” He turns the volume dial down, succumbing the entire car in silence. He’s slowing down, making his way to his designated parking spot. That’s when the nerves start to build up in the pit of your stomach. Tonight had the possibility of going both ways and you didn’t have a preference. You really just wanted to be with him and him only.

“Yours, I didn’t clean up before leaving.” You smile, unbuckling your seatbelt, while he puts his car in park, turning the ignition off. He chuckles and turns to face you, resting his elbow in the middle console and leaning forward. His fingers find your chin, turning your head gently to face him.

“I’ve seen your place in worse states.” He leans in, stopping centimeters away from your lips. Your breath hitches. Your eyes struggle to find a point of focus and they don’t. Not even when he closes the distance and kisses you gently. He doesn’t give you enough time to process everything before he’s pulling away, resting his forehead against your own. “Let’s go since you’ve chosen my place. I can give you your surprise early.”

“Surprise?” You say taken back. Wonwoo hums sits back and nods his head. He takes his car keys out of the ignition before opening his door. “I didn’t get you anything though.” You pout, opening your door and getting out. Once you’re standing the discomfort in your feet begins again and you find yourself wondering why you choose to not only wear heels but the most uncomfortable pair that you own.

Beauty is pain, but is it really worth a bunch of disgusting blisters? You decide no.

“Didn’t have to, just being with you is enough for me.”

All you know is that if Wonwoo didn’t want you entering his apartment before getting the chance to blindfold you. He shouldn’t have made the code to his apartment your birthdate.

“Stop being so pouty, I love it.” You circle your arms around his waist, resting your cheek against his back. “Is this why you were late?” You let your hands travel up his torso, playing with the top button of his dress shirt.

His whole apartment was decorated to the nines. The light was dim, rose petals scattered everywhere, creating a heart in the middle of his living room right where his couch should be. Instead, it was pushed against the wall where his gaming setup used to be along with the coffee table.

Will You Be My Girlfriend?

Carefully drawn out on a large poster board and you know it was Minghao’s doing. As much as you think highly of Wonwoo, his art skills weren’t the best. You still loved every part of it that you didn’t want to move from your spot at the entrance of his place in fear of ruining it.

“Yes, I was triple-checking everything.” He sighs, moving his arm so it’s over your shoulder, and turns his body. “So, will you?” He whispers, playing with the thin straps of your baby blue mini dress.

“I would love to be your girlfriend Wonwoo.”

A deep sigh of relief escapes Wonwoo making you giggle at how nervous he was. The anticipation of waiting for your answer in the last few seconds was enough to drive him crazy. Enough to make him forget the entire speech he had planned out and the velvet box sitting nicely, burning a hole in the pocket of his slacks.

He stumbles, creating a small space between the two of you before taking it out and popping the lid open, making your eyes grow wide. A simple silver ring, with a rainbow opal gemstone and a cluster of three tiny diamonds on each side, looks up at you. “Wonwoo wha-”

He shakes his head, placing his index finger over your lips. “Before you freak out, it’s a promise ring. We’ve been in each other’s lives for so long that honestly, I don’t see myself living a life without you in it. I want to marry you one day, have kids with you, and eventually grow old with you. Retire to a silent beach town complaining about how much our joints hurt all day.” He takes a deep breath, “I love you, I’ve loved you for so long whether it was platonic at first or not, I don’t know and I don’t care because what matters is you here with me right now. So with this ring, I promise to get to know you in every way shape or form. I promise to be your shoulder to cry on and be your number one supporter in whatever you choose to do in life. I promise to encourage you to love yourself unconditionally, to believe in yourself, and to trust yourself. I promise to love you and treat you the way you deserve. I promise to let you be you and to grow with you. And I promise to one day make you mine in front of your friends and family.” He finishes, holding out the ring to you, nervously searching your eyes in hopes he didn’t just royally fuck up and taken a step too far.

Which would’ve been reasonable, the two of you had agreed to take it slow. This was far from slow. In fact, this was the second before reaching the finish line and for a moment when he sees the single tear fall down your cheek, he wishes he could take it back. But that thought is soon buried deep deep deep into the crevices of his brain when your lips crash onto his.

He doesn’t kiss you back at first, floored at your boldness and lack of words. Then your hands grab hold of his shirt, pulling him closer, your lips molding onto his and he finally kisses you back. It’s full of passion, sparks flying between the two of you as you start to unbutton his shirt. Wonwoo panics and pulls away, desperate to slip the ring onto the ring finger of your right hand to finally solidify his promise to you.

“Baby wait, let me put the ring on you before I lose it.” He says gasping for breath. The kiss was nothing like he had ever experienced before. It literally took the air away from his lungs and he was struggling, trying to find a way to put it back in. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten rid of that inhaler. His asthma wasn’t as bad as it used to be so really he had no need to have one on deck. That is until now.

“Oh right.” You click your tongue, extending your left hand out to him, wiggling your fingers.

“Other hand.” He says pushing away your left hand and grabbing your right one, making you raise an eyebrow at him. He ignores you, focused, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip as he takes the ring out of the velvet box, closing the lid and throwing it somewhere behind him. He decides he’ll worry about that later.

With the utmost careful precision, he slides the ring onto your finger, sighing happily when it fits perfectly. “It’s perfect, promise me you won’t ever take it off.” He pouts, hugging you tightly, almost cutting off your airflow.

“I won’t, I love it so much.” You smile, leaving a peck against his chin. “But I do have one question.”

“I might have an answer for you.” He teases.

“Why my right hand and not my left hand?” You pull away enough to look at him.

A smirk appears on his face before looking at you. “It’s reserved for the other ring I bought for you, but I can’t give it to you yet.”

“Can you help me take my heels off?”

Wonwoo shakes his head, his dress shirt now unbuttoned, showing off his toned chest and the faint love bites you left behind after a heavy make-out session in his living room. You take your bottom lip in between your lips as he kneels in front of you.

“Next time you’re leaving them on.” He takes your right heel, unbuckling it. He slips it off, sets it behind him, and attaches his lips to your ankle, kissing your leg. When he reaches the inside of your thigh he bites down, making you gasp. Chuckling he swipes his tongue over his bite, sucks on it gently before sitting back on his calves. His thumbs rub circles around your thighs, pushing up the hem of your dress.

“I’ll make sure to wear comfortable heels next time.” You wink, lifting your left foot up, and placing it over his shoulder. Eyes filled with lust he turns his face and kisses over the strap of your heel, unbuckling it and slipping it off. He repeats his actions on your leg, smirking against your skin when you let out a tiny moan the second he sinks his teeth into the flesh of your inner thigh. Sneaking his hands underneath your ass, finally exposing your underwear to him.

He sucks in a breath, your arousal seeping through the thin material, making him salivate. “Can I touch you?” His eyes are hooded with pleasure, peeking over the black frames of his glasses. He doesn’t stop to hear your answer. Attaching his lips to the skin of your thighs, sucking, alternating between the two of them.

Your hand makes its way through his hair, pulling him close, craving to feel the heat of his mouth on you. “Yes, please Woo I want this so bad.” You hiss, voice masked with need.

“Lay down for me baby girl.” He whispers against your skin, giving your thigh one last kiss before sitting up, placing a hand against your mound, and pushing you down gently. He licks his lips, placing both of your legs over his shoulders. He sits up on his knees, connecting his lips with the band of your underwear, making you gasp. One of his fingers, ghosts over your clothed slit, teasing you further.

Wonwoo lets out a short laugh when you start lifting your hips, chasing his hand. “Slow baby, I want to take tonight slow. Devour you until you can’t feel anything else but my touch all over your skin.” He whispers, taking the band of your panties in between his teeth, pulling it, and letting it go, enjoying the way it bounces against your skin. “What do you want?”

“Anything, your fingers, your mouth, your cock. I don’t care, I just want you, Woo.” You sigh, back bowing off his bed when slides his fingers up and down your clothed slit. A satisfied hum leaves his lips as he takes your panties off with his teeth, moaning when the thin layer reveals you to him completely.

The prickles of your short pubes tickle his nose. You smell so nice, look so beautiful. He has to fight everything in his body, telling him to grab his polaroid to take a picture. There are enough days in his life with you in all the positions he desires to see you in, where he can take as many pictures as he wants. Right now, he needs to taste you so bad that he feels like a starved man.

“So beautiful my love, I never want you to change anything about you.” He states, pulling off your panties completely and throwing them behind him. “Never change anything about this.” He says, delicately running his fingers over the soft coarse hair decorating and protecting your cunt.

You take a deep breath, “I didn’t shave, I’m sorry.” You mumble. Wonwoo shakes his head and brings his hand down against your thigh. The slap isn’t hard but it’s enough to make you gasp out in shock. Quickly you sit up on your elbows, his brows furrowed in a scowl.

“Don’t apologize. I honestly don’t care, it makes you sexier.” He leans down kissing the hood of your clit. “If it were up to me I’d never let you shave.” He mumbles, running two of his fingers up your slit, earning a moan from you.

“Your fingers are cold.” You lay down again, using your legs to pull him closer.

“I have a few ideas on how I can warm them up.” He says, prodding your entrance with the tip of his finger. “Want to find out?” He pushes in, smirking at the tiny whines escaping your mouth.

“God, yes please.” You gasp when he pushes his finger in completely, your warm walls welcoming him. It feels so good, better than your own fingers and he hasn’t even moved yet. He lets you adjust to the light stretch. If this was already driving you insane you couldn’t begin to imagine how good it would feel once his cock was in you, stretching you out into oblivion. The thought turns your brain into mush.

“Woo, move please.” You whimper.

Wonwoo smirks and starts thrusting his finger, slowly, looking for that sweet spot inside you that will have you screaming his name all night long if he does everything right. “Move a little more to the right, you’re almost there.” You gasp, bucking your hips when he follows your instructions and finds your g-spot. Wonwoo massages it, memorizing the location so that the next time he has no trouble when looking for it.

“Does it feel good? Talk to me, baby girl.” He moves his finger a bit faster, connects his lips to the mound of pussy, leaving behind open-mouthed kisses before pulling away. He gathers a glob of spit in his mouth and drops it onto your clit, moaning as it slowly moves down your pussy, his free fingers spreading his saliva and your arousal all over your lips and clit.

“Oh my-yes. Want your mouth please.” You breathe out, your hands fisting his navy blue duvet, his thumb gently circling over your clit.

“I bet you taste so good.” He swipes his tongue over your cunt, his finger inside of you pauses for a second as he moans, letting your essence coat his taste buds. Immediately he concludes that he could spend hours in between your legs pleasing you. He wraps his lips over your clit and sucks, moving his finger inside of you again, quickly finding your g-spot again and prodding at it gently.

The pleasure is overwhelming, but it feels so good you never want it to stop. And silently, without letting too much guilt seep in you curse your previous boyfriends and past hook-ups for depriving you of such pleasure.

Though maybe it was for the better. Wonwoo being the first one to go down on you, putting your pleasure above his own has ruined it for anyone else that will never come after him. Now he’s ultimately stuck with you forever, knowing that his mouth can do more than just offer comforting words, awful jokes, and philosophical quotes.

Wonwoo is moaning loudly against you, making you whimper, your hips rotating, grinding yourself against him, pushing him further. It’s embarrassing how close you are to orgasm. Usually, it takes a lot more effort on your part to get you to that sweet high. But here is Wonwoo defying all laws of physics, with his vile menstruations that you’re so close to the edge.

He pulls his mouth away. Only to circle his tongue over your clit and insert another of his fingers inside of you. The ‘come-hither’ motion against your g-spot makes you twitch. He grabs one of your hands, lacing his fingers with yours, and rests it on top of your stomach. It catches your attention, distracting you from the orgasm building up in the pit of your stomach. Just for a second because the second your eyes meet his watchful gaze your moaning his name loudly, letting go.

Wonwoo moans against you, the vibration runs all along your body as he helps you ride out your orgasms, slurping up your release. You taste even better than before and he has to talk himself out of giving you another orgasm with just his mouth. Unless he wants to cum untouched and in his pants, so he pulls away, taking his fingers out. He gently spreads around your release, groaning as you twitch from the overstimulation before standing up, using his mouth to clean up his fingers.

You look up at him through hooded eyes, breathing heavily and communicating silently. With enough strength you sit up, bringing the rest of your dress over your head and throwing it off to the side. It leaves you completely bare for him. Which of course he knew, the entire time he was with you eating dinner, he couldn’t get the fact that your dress was backless and wearing a bra wouldn’t be ideal. Except seeing his imagination come to life again - this wasn’t the first time seeing you naked - made his cock twitch he had to turn around to keep himself from cumming.

You laugh.

“Give me a second baby.” He takes a deep breath, tugging his shirt off, letting it drop to the floor in a feather-like manner. His back muscles make you wetter than what you already were. Images of them contracting every time he thrusts his cock inside of you run wild in your head and embarrassingly you let out a moan.

Wonwoo turns around, his wide eyes match yours. “Sorry, you’re just sexy.” You cross your legs in front of you and lean over, avoiding his eye contact.

“Back at you.” He laughs, unbuckling his belt and popping the button of his pants. “Scoot up, lay against the pillows.” He takes his pants off, along with his boxers. You bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing as he hops, trying to keep his balance as he takes his pants off completely and throws them somewhere in his room. He takes a deep breath, placing both of his hands on his hips.

The laugh that had bubbled up in the back of your throat, runs past your lips faster than you can stop it, earning a glare from him. You roll over onto your side laughing, making him whine. “Stop laughing, I’m trying to have sex with you.” He gets a hold of your hips and lays you down again, settling in between your legs.

“I’m sorry Woo but that was the least sexiest thing you have ever done.” You sit up, hooking your arms around his neck, kissing the tip of his nose. He scrunches it up, setting his hands on both sides of your hips.

“Open my drawer.” He smiles, leaving a chaste kiss on your lips, and sits back on his thighs. He wraps his hand around his hard cock, rubbing the bead of precum over his head, spitting, wetting himself even further. You groan, watching him. Wonwoo touching himself was something you would never get tired of. The few streams he left uploaded on his camming account were your biggest companions when Wonwoo wasn’t texting you absolute filth.

One day you’ll confess to your sin, but not today. So you follow his instructions, lean over and open his bedside drawer. “Grab the lube and condom.” He hisses, running his thumb over the slit of his cock. The sticky residue coats the tip of his finger and once you’re laying down with a condom and half-empty bottle of lube. He brings it up to your lips. You stick your tongue out, wrapping your lips over his finger, groaning.

“How do I taste?” He smirks, taking the bottle of lube, uncapping it, and squirting a decent amount over your pussy.

“So good, I want you to fuck my mouth.” You groan as he spreads around the watery substance over your pussy. He chuckles, wiping his hand on his bedsheets, before taking the foil packet and opening it with his teeth.

“I can arrange that.” He says, rolling the condom over his hard cock, tugging it a few times before tapping the head of his cock against your clit, moving down your lips a few times before aligning himself at your entrance.

You whimper, “Please, Wonwoo. Fuck me.” You plead.

“I’ve imagined you saying that for years.” He confesses, pushing in slowly. “It sounds better in person.”

“Woo- fuck, I-I love you but stop talking.”

“I’m nervous, I talk when I’m nervous. You know that.” He leans over your body, pushing himself in, bottoming out. He closes his eyes tightly. The feeling of your soft, velvety walls engulfing him is overwhelming. He prays that he can keep himself from cumming earlier than he intends to, but you feel so good he thinks it’s nearly impossible.

“Don’t move yet.” You whisper, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“I don’t think I can.” He replies, kissing you.

It’s gentle at first, both of you whimpering against each other’s lips, pleasure building up between the two of you without much effort. Wonwoo feels his self-control come back and gives you an experimental thrust, making you gasp. He groans, inserting his tongue in your mouth, kissing you harder with more intention.

The fire burns hot between the two of you as he lets go of all his fear and starts to move his hips with desire. Neither of you should’ve waited as long as you did to give yourselves to one another. It feels like you wasted years when you could’ve been having mind-blowing sex with the person you love most in the world. But now that the opportunity had presented itself so nicely, neither of you wanted it to stop.

“B-Baby hold on.” You place a hand against his chest. He stops his relentless thrusts, panic painted all over his perfect features. You smile, pushing up his glasses that were sliding down his nose, before hooking your leg around his waist. The slight shift made the head of his cock press right against your g-spot. He feels it too when you clench around him, understanding why you stopped him.

He had so much to learn about your body. Deciding that he will dedicate the rest of his life to finding out different ways to make you come.

He will start tomorrow, right now all he wants is this.

“You’re sucking me in, baby.” He pants, pushing his cock into you harder, groaning. He feels so high, on cloud nine, and never wants to come down. Decides that he can live here, buried deep inside of you forever, and be satisfied.

“Touch my clit, Woo.” You whine, lifting your hips up from the bed, meeting his thrusts midway. He was so big and hard. The stretch was blissful and you never wanted it to stop, even with your orgasm approaching fast and unapologetically. “I’m close.”

“Me too, I never cum this fast.” He says, circling his thumb over your clit, drawing fast figure eights making you moan. You sound so beautiful. Your wet pussy sounds so beautiful, squelching around his hard cock. He needs to feel you closer than he already does, so he moves a hand underneath your back, sits back on his calves, and helps you sit up.

You cry out his name, his cock is pressed so deep inside of you, you can feel him everywhere in your body. You roll your hips, throwing your head back. The pit of your stomach gets tight, you’re so close Wonwoo can tell. It motivates him to go fast, his thumb pressed against your clit hard and he’s fucking up into you, determined and cautious. Each trust hitting that mushy spot inside of you. It makes you yell.

“Let go baby girl, I’m so close. Your pussy feels like heaven.” He mulls, wrapping his lips around your nipple and pulling at it gently. The newly added sensation is enough and it sends you over the edge with a loud mantra of his name. It’s a sight he never wants to forget, he engraves into his mind while he helps you ride out your high.

Wonwoo lays you down again, takes his cock out, and quickly removes his condom, throwing it aside. He leans over you, the tip of his cock just above your belly button as he fucks his hand, repeating your name like it’s the only word he knows. He tugs once more, keeping his eyes on you as he releases. Ropes of cum coat your stomach, his own masterpiece he wishes he could display in a museum.

When he finally finishes riding out his high and flops down next to you, his legs tangled up in yours. Shyly, you take your finger, taking a bit of his cum and plopping it into your mouth. Wonwoo moans, placing a hand on your cheek, guiding you to his lips. He kisses you hard, both of you moaning at the taste of his seed against your tongue. So he pulls away slightly, picks up more of his cum, coats your lips, and kisses you again, slowly, savoring every second of it.

You pull away first, panting, moving your tongue across your lips moaning. “I want you to fuck my mouth, Woo.” You run your tongue over his lips, before kissing him again. Wonwoo moans against your lips, pulls you closer, his body against yours. He doesn’t care that his cum is now creating a mess between your bodies. All he wants is to be close to you forever.

He lays down bringing you on top of him before pulling away again. “Give me five minutes and I promise I’ll fill up that pretty mouth with my cum.” He taps your chin, resting his forehead against yours.

“I can’t wait.”

“Careful love.” Wonwoo holds the door to the diner open with his foot. His hand is on your lower back as he guides you inside. This was your idea. Two more rounds, and a quick shower later. You begged him to take you to get M&M pancakes as he had promised two months ago.

“Wonwoo, stop worrying, I’m not broken, you just fucked me good. I can still walk.” You joke. He rolls his eyes and guides you down the long line of vacant booths. Until he reaches your usual one and helps you sit down before he takes his seat in front of you. He does this on purpose. His libido wasn’t as high as it was in his early twenties, but that theory was immediately thrown out the window when he made you squirt with just his fingers before your shower.

Now he needs to keep his distance to prevent any inappropriate touches between the two of you.

“Maya!” You yell, looking around the isolated diner. It’s funny how the last time you sat here, Wonwoo and you had masturbated together in front of a camera, your emotions all over the place. Gaslighting yourself into thinking that what you felt for the boy in front of you was all because he had helped you orgasm. Unaware that that was just the opening to the very real emotions you felt for one another.

The tables sure had turned.

“She’s working tonight?” Wonwoo cocks his head to the side, mindlessly folding the paper menu, strategically placed in front of him.

You nod, “She took too many days off last month because of finals so her boss told her she either works or leaves.” You shrug, tapping your fingers against the surface of the table. “Maya my lovely, beautiful, flaming redhead I want the pancakes you promised me!” You yell again, looking over the bar.

Wonwoo chuckles and places a hand over yours. “You turn mean after sex.”

“No, I turn mean when pe-”

You’re cut off by something falling and breaking behind the bar. You jump and stand up as quickly as possible, Wonwoo following suit. Before you can approach the bar, Maya comes barging through the kitchen door, hair disheveled lipstick smudged. Behind her Soonyoung comes out, shirt on backward, pants unbuttoned.

You and Wonwoo laugh, making the other couple groan in annoyance.

“Babe it looks like I wasn’t the only one getting my back blown out tonight.” You wink at Maya who rolls her eyes, brushing you off.

“Shut up or I’ll make you pay for all the free shit I gave you.”

“Go ahead.” You eye Wonwoo, sending him a kiss. “I got money to spare.”

End of Month 1 - Post Graduation.

“How do I look?”

Maya sat on your couch, leaning forward on her knees with her chin placed in the palm of her hands; bored.

It had been roughly four hours since she arrived at your apartment with three shopping bags full of snacks, for your highly anticipated Studio Ghibli movie marathon. And here she was, four hours later doing anything but that. Watching you change into a bunch of different outfits for your first date with Wonwoo that was still two days away.

She sighs and leans back, crossing her arms; annoyed. “The same as all the other times you asked me. Good, sexy, drop-dead gorgeous, and all the synonyms that are in the thesaurus for the world beautiful. Now can we get to the marathon?”

You groan, running your fingers through your hair, and turn to look at yourself in the full-length mirror you brought out from the guest bedroom. The flowy black casual mini dress was simple with a ruched top bodice, and a plunging neckline. It was beautiful, you had bought it on a whim a little more than a year ago, without any plans on wearing it. Promising yourself that one day you will.

Now that the day had arrived, you weren’t so sure. Slightly regretting buying it in the first place. “Are you sure, it’s not too simple or casual right?”

“Where is he taking you?” Maya says standing up and walking to your kitchen. She rummages through the plastic bags she brought earlier. Delightfully hums when she finds the sour gummy worms, a full pack of just the pink and blue ones. Her favorite.

You let out an exasperated sigh, “That’s the thing he hasn’t told me.” You grumble, walking over and taking the bag from her, grabbing four gummy worms. “He says it’s a surprise, like how am I supposed to know what to wear if he doesn’t tell me where we are going. I don’t know if it’s casual or fancy or business casual or just plain out a nude event.” You rant, stuffing all four gummy worms into your mouth at once. Cringing when the sourness overpowers your tastebuds.

“I hate surprises!”

Maya laughs, taking the bag of sour worms from your hand and pops one into her mouth. Satisfied. “If it’s a nude event I don’t think what you end up wearing matters. You won’t be wearing it for long anyway.” She jokes, making you groan in annoyance.

You loved your friends, dearly. But sometimes they were the least helpful people you had the pleasure in knowing. Before Maya had arrived today you were in a three-way facetime call with Minghao, and Jeonghan. None of them offering any helpful advice.

“You’re thinking about this too much,” Maya says, putting her arms around your waist hugging you tightly. “You and Wonwoo have known each other for years. He’s seen you through every phase of your life, good or bad. No matter what you wear, even if you show up in a cardboard box he will still look at you like you brought down the moon.” She whispers resting her head on your shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

You sigh, hugging her back. “I know but this is different.” You pout, “He went on that Archaeology trip right after graduation. So, I haven’t seen him in person for over a month. What if his perception of me has become a little funny cause he’s only seen dirt, bones, fossils, artifacts, and me through a phone screen.” You exclaim dramatically.

Maya lifts her head and gives you an incredulous look. “Please, say that sentence again and realize how stupid you just sounded.” She unravels her arms from her waist and hurls herself up onto your kitchen counter. “You’re being paranoid again. I promise you everything is going to be fine.” She grabs the bag of gummy worms and fishes out one before offering it to you.

Pouting, you bite only the blue side, making her shake her head, putting the remaining side - the red side - into her mouth, chewing slowly. “I like the red one, the one you tried on earlier with the strappy back. It’s not too fancy but also not too casual.” She states, rather proudly. “And I know he won’t be able to keep his hand off you the second he sees you.” She winks, making you roll your eyes.

“Just cause you and Soonyoung are always at it like rabbits, doesn’t mean everyone is.” You scoff, walking out of the kitchen. You weren’t going to lie. The thought of having sex with Wonwoo again, instead of face time sex - which didn’t feel nearly as good as the real stuff - was exciting. But you didn’t want that to be the whole focus of the night.

You missed him so much. His eyes, which shined brighter than the stars in the night sky. His nose, which ran courses along your neck whenever the two of you cuddled and would scrunch up cutely when you kissed it or when he was heavily concentrated on something. His lips; that felt like two crushed velvet pillows when connected with your own. His voice; that danced over forensic anthropology terms he only knew the definition of. His laugh, which sounded like your favorite song; giving off the same excitement as hearing it on the radio for the first time.

You missed his arms, his jokes, his pouts, his presence so much that for the first week he was away. Every night whenever the two of you got on Facetime you would cry. It would make him laugh so cutely, with a bit of concern and longing lingering in between hiccups. And that only made you cry even harder. Since then he counted down the days. Sending you little reminders every morning - well morning for him he was literally on the other side of the world - of how much longer he had left on his trip.

It was hard, no matter how much easier it got as the closing days of his trip came faster than expected. Time Zones were a bitch and whenever it was morning for you, it was the night for him. Facetiming was limited because no matter what the two of you couldn’t figure out the best time to call. And whenever you did, it was the odd chance that the two of you had a day off.

Even now, when he was just two floors below you and had been back for almost a week; you still hadn’t seen each other. His body was trying to get used to abrupt time changes once again. In addition, he was adding the finishing touches to his report. Hoping to get the internship at the forensic anthropology lab downtown that he had been eyeing for years now. The only other contact - besides the random phone calls during the day, the flirty texts, or the flowers he had delivered to your doorstep every day of this week - was the document, home to his thirty-page lab report that he shared with you. In which, you would run to open whenever he begged you to edit the newly added part of the day.

So yeah, sex would be amazing. Lord knows the two of you would need it after the post-graduation stress and being away from each other for so long. But in truth, you just wanted to be with him more than anything in the world.

“We don’t have sex that much,” Maya yells after you.

“Every time I call you, the two of you are always in the middle of it so what am I supposed to think?” You yell back, grabbing the red dress Maya had raved about and placing it on top of your bed, spreading it out carefully.

“You just have a talent for calling at the wrong time.” She says, her voice getting closer and before you know it she was hopping over the mountain of clothes that occupied the better half of your bedroom floor. “Soonyoung thinks it’s funny, he always bets before we start when you’re about to call.”

You scrunch up your face. “I did not need to know that part of your sex life.”

“Says the one who masturbated on camera three times.” She jokes, picking up a ball of rolled-up socks and throwing it in your direction, missing you completely. “I’m still mad at Soonyoung.” she crosses her arms in front of her, looking around your room, avoiding your eyes completely.

You felt for her. It wasn’t every day that you find out that your kind of boyfriend - her words exactly - has seen your best friend naked on camera. Soonyoung confessed to her rather than keeping it a secret two days after they started seeing one another. The shock of seeing you at the diner that night and recognizing you had sent him over the edge, the guilt eating him alive. So he confessed to Maya and also apologized to you, even though he had nothing to be sorry for. His kind heart had taken over and he did so anyway.

It took Maya at least three days to wrap her head around it, a part of her wanted to condemn you and Wonwoo for what you did. But the other half of her knew that it had to have been for a good reason. It was the awkwardest conversation you and Maya had ever had. Wonwoo only contributed mildly because his connection was shitty and made it impossible to hear, but the three of you managed to work through it. Though, sometimes you could see the lingering fracture of an almost heartbreak. The slight comparison that comes when you realize that your kind of boyfriend has seen your best friend naked.

You wished you could take everything back.

“You know he likes you right? And I mean like really really really likes you, Maya.” You kneel in front of her and grab her hands. “I’ve never seen someone look at someone else like he looks at you.” You whisper, making her lookup. “And for what it’s worth if I could take it back I would.”

“You don’t have to, I know you would never do something to intentionally hurt me. It’s just that I almost wish I didn’t know.” She sighs, bringing your locked hands up and resting her chin on top of them. “But I’m glad I do know, cause I know I can trust him.”

You nod and hug her tightly, “I love you a lot.” You mumble, squeezing her tight. She groans, trying her hardest to push you away as she replies with breathy, I love you too. It causes a laugh to erupt out of your lungs and quickly you pull away, watching as she dramatically gasps for air with her hand over her heart.

“Want to start our movie marathon now?” You stand up, extending your arms for her to take.

“Duh! It’s the only thing I’ve looked forward to all day today.”

Beginning of Month 2 - First Date

The clock hanging by the entrance of your apartment doesn’t work, but that doesn’t stop you from taking a peek at it every few seconds while you anxiously pace around in circles in your living room.

It’s D-Day. The day of your first official first date Wonwoo. The pre-date jitters have been relentless since you woke up at four in the morning. Yes, you couldn’t sleep. Nor could you eat, and messing up your eyeliner three times while getting ready earlier was the last straw. The nervous tears didn’t stop for an hour, your face puffing up more than it already was.

Nothing was going right.

At least that’s what you had thought three hours ago before the mini pep talk you gave yourself in front of your mirror after your third bath of the day. Your water bill wasn’t a top priority.

After that comforting alone time, everything that followed went smoothly with no bumps in the road. You even managed to sneak in a full hour nap before doing your make-up. Face still puffy but it wasn’t anything ice-cold water couldn’t fix. Everything was fine. Until the waiting portion of the night came.

He wasn’t late, nor was he early. Knowing him he would be knocking at your door in the next five minutes. Making him a whole two minutes early, but that didn’t stop your nerves from eating away at you.

It was complete torture.

You sighed, taking another lap around your couch, chewing on your bottom lip, thanking the makeup gods for creating lip stains. The last thing you wanted was to open your door with red lipstick all over your teeth. Wonwoo would never let you live it down.

Almost as if on cue, the light knock on your door sounded, making you jump. Quickly you made your way across the living room, slowing down your steps the closer you got to your front door. You took one last look in the mirror you kept next to your door for situations like this one. Once you were sure everything was in place, including your hair, make-up, lipstick, and pushed up your boobs you opened the door to reveal a very nervous-looking Wonwoo holding a bouquet of lilacs.

First Love.

“Hey,” He says, taking a step forward and extending his hand even further, “I didn’t know which flowers to get so I got the ones that are your favorite color.” He finishes, voice shaking, only slightly at the end of his sentence.

In awe. You have to fight yourself from bursting into tears as you take them from his hand. “I love them, they’re beautiful.” You whisper, stepping aside to let them in. “I’ll put these in water and then I’ll put on my shoes and we can go.” You walk into the kitchen, grabbing the first vase you spot in your overhead cupboard.

Wonwoo watches you, awkwardly standing in the spot separating the kitchen and the living room. He’s been in your apartment so many times, yet for some reason, he feels completely awkward. Like he’s out of place. Though, he blames the pre-date jitters that kept him up all night for that. For God’s sake, he’s literally crashed on your couch before, used your shower with you - platonically at first - and his entire precious gaming setup is still sitting pretty in your guest bedroom. Untouched.

He belongs here.

His overthinking brain isn’t going to convince him otherwise.

“I’m ready.” You announce, clutching your purse to the front of your body, your feet in high tops, somehow coinciding with the casual white flowy dress. Last-minute you had panicked and changed out of the dress Maya had chosen because you felt too overdressed. You made the right call because Wonwoo was wearing, converse that coincidentally matched your own, light-washed jeans, with a black t-shirt neatly tucked in, his biceps bulging out of its sleeves. Leaving you to wonder if it was due to all the digging he had to do for an entire month or his frequent visits to the gym with the guys. Likely, a mixture of both.

“You look beautiful.” He smiles, closing the distance between the two of you, and hugs you tightly. Squeezing the air out of you, making you gasp. “I missed you so much, baby.” He whispers, placing a gentle kiss against the crown of your head.

You melt in his touch and hug him back, “I missed you too.” You whisper, burying your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his heavenly smell. Adding another thing to the list of things you missed about Wonwoo while he was away. A list you will keep to secrecy in fear of inflating his ego or worse putting a hold on his dreams to stop your list from growing.

“We should go. I made reservations.” He pulls away after a long two minutes. You pout at the way he selfishly takes his warmth with him. Then you register what he just said and your eyes grow wide with panic, making him chuckle. He brings his hand up, brushing his thumb underneath your eyelid, picking up a fallen eyelash. “Relax, it’s nothing fancy and you look great.” He extends his thumb, and like second nature you place it above his.

Wordlessly the two of you close your eyes, make a wish before opening them again. The two of you smile.

Old habits die hard or grow into something more.

You can’t help but feel like you’ve ruined everything as Wonwoo is driving you back home. You weren’t even halfway to the place when you felt it. The family jabs in your ovaries and the gush of liquid between your legs.

You blame wearing the white dress instead of the red one.

Though now you understood why you had been overly emotional the past day and why you had woken up with three tiny zits adorning your chin. It was not due to stress.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper for the thirtieth time since Wonwoo made the u-turn after you embarrassingly admitted to him that your period had just decided to make its grand entrance.

The ground wasn’t opening up to swallow you whole.

Wonwoo looks at you briefly and smiles. “It’s okay, we can move our date location to your apartment or mine.” He says, placing a comforting hand over your lap. “Do you have everything you need back home?” He turns into the tiny parking lot of a convenience store and brings his car to a stop.

You hum, scrunching up your chin, thinking. “Pads, I have enough tampons but I can’t sleep with them, oh, and popcorn, and if they have those Nutella sticks, those too.” You nod. Your attention everywhere but his eyes. It’s already embarrassing, that you’ve stained your dress, but also his car seat!

Honestly, you weren’t going to let yourself live this down. On your deathbed, instead of remembering all the good things in your life, you’ll be remembering this instead. The day you ruined your first date with Wonwoo because you forgot to check your period app, even though deep down you knew it was early. Two days to be exact.

“Alright, anything else?” He unbuckles his seatbelt, watching you closely. He’s never once seen you blush, but with the way your ears are fired up even in the dim light of his car. He knows that you’re embarrassed and beating yourself up inside. It makes his chest contract in pain.

“Baby,” He whispers, his hand coming underneath your chin so you can look at him. “It’s okay, I promise.” He says as reassuringly as possible before gently pecking your lips. “Do you need anything else?”

You nod, your face morphing into slight pain as you feel the strong pull in your ovaries. “Some painkillers would be nice too.”

Wonwoo smiles, pecking your lips again. “I’ll be right back, try to do those breathing exercises people do when they’re in labor.” He opens the door and gets out.

“I’m on my period not having a baby.” You exclaim as he laughs.

He leans down, his face appearing again, “I feel like I read somewhere that it’s kind of the same thing.” He shrugs, blowing you a kiss. “I’ll be back, I love you.” He says, and shuts the door softly, but forceful enough for it to click shut.

Truly, you blame wearing the white dress instead of the red for this.

“Do you want to move again?” Wonwoo whispers as you let out another painful sigh. The two painkillers you had taken on the way home, did nothing to subside your cramps. Neither did the hot pack Wonwoo placed on your lower stomach an hour ago or the lower back massage he was giving you now as the two of you cuddled.

After your pit stop. Wonwoo sped through the streets trying to get you home as fast as possible. Slightly terrified that he’d get a ticket for speeding…again. Thankfully, when your apartment building came into view, Wonwoo laughed at the sigh of relief you let out. Which was only masked with horror when you realized you’d have to step out of the car, in order to get to your apartment.

Wonwoo saw your distress and handed you the spare hoodie he kept in his back seat. You literally burst into tears when he insisted on tying it around your waist. His hand was pressed on your lower back as he slowly led you into the building and towards the elevator. Completely ignoring front desk Kyle and Apartment 203 Kyle who were quarreling about a new release.

If things were different, you and Wonwoo would’ve bet a month’s worth of laundry on which of the two Kyle’s would give up first by now. But you were in pain and mortified and your bed was calling your name.

“No it’s okay, I’m comfortable like this.” You mumble, laying your head on his chest. His fingers dig into your lower back delicately with precision as if he were playing the piano. Creating a tiny symphony against your skin.

He hums, sits up a little, and kisses your temple. “Try and get some sleep, I’ll stay over so if you wake up in the middle night just wake me okay?” He says while laying down. He takes a hold of your thigh and drapes it over his hip. The shifting movement makes you sigh, but this time in relief.

“I’m sorry I ruined our date?” You pout, closing your eyes. The cramps were finally dying down and you felt the evident wave of relaxation finally crash over your body, breaking.

Wonwoo chuckles, moving your hair out of your face. He had even helped you in removing your makeup. It only made your heart grow for him even more. “You didn’t ruin anything, this is the best first date I’ve ever had.” He says, voice full of sincerity and it makes the tears well up in your eyes.

You didn’t know where he was planning on taking you in the first place, but you didn’t care to find out. You didn’t need an extravagant date. An expensive dinner date at a five-star restaurant or a romantic picnic underneath the moonlight. All you needed was this. To know that the person you had given your heart to cared. He had already gone above and beyond, taking care of you and not condemning you for something that you literally had no control of.

Wonwoo made you feel loved and more. And that was all you could ever ask for.

This too had been the best first date or date in general that you had ever been on.

Month 3 - Heaven’s Cloud Grand Opening

“Babe we need to go,” Wonwoo, irritated, yells as he walks through the hallway leading up to your room. His hands stuffed into the pocket of his navy blue slacks. He told you to be ready by six and it’s almost six and you’re still not ready.

Wonwoo strived to be on time. Always.

“I know, I’m almost done. I promise.” You answer, checking your lipstick in your dresser mirror. Wonwoo enters the room, stops dead in his tracks when he finally sees what you’re wearing. A black long sleeve mini dress, with an open back. He all but loses it.

“Do I look okay?” You turn to face him, red lips slightly parted as you open your arms wide, giving him an awkward twirl. You acknowledge that your outfit won’t be complete until you put on your shoes, but you were prolonging the use of heels as long as you could. Even if the ones you had chosen were your most comfortable pair. “Woo, I should change right?” You sigh, wiggling your toes through your fuzzy carpet.

Wonwoo doesn’t answer, instead stands there with his mouth dry, pupils dilated, sweat pooling inside the palm of his hands. Truthfully, he hasn’t heard a thing you’ve said since he walked in. His punctuality leaves out the window while he fights against that little voice in the back of his head that’s telling him to forget about Joshua’s grand opening and stay with you tonight, underneath your sheets.

Damn, he’s royally fucked.

“Umm, Wonwoo are you alright?” You wave your hand in front of his face, the sleeves of your dress pulled down revealing your sticky bra. And even that has the blood rushing down to his cock. Picturing the way your nipples stretch out while he slowly peels it away from your body.

God, he needs to get a hold of himself.

“Yeah, just…” He pauses, swallowing thickly, his hands itching to reach out and grab you. “We’re almost late, we should get going.” He says, coughing at the end of his sentence, turning around, and walking out of your room.

You scoff in disbelief at his aloofness. Fine, you conclude, pulling up the sleeves of your dress, and crossing your arms in front of you. You turn to your mirror, running your tongue over your teeth, before clicking it.

You didn’t need to know Wonwoo’s approval to know you looked hot as fuck.

“This is Jungkook, he’s the one that painted the mural.”

Joshua patted the younger man on the back before pointing to the painted wall behind him. It’s a beautiful, intricate rococo-style mural, with of course a modern twist. It made you stop dead in your tracks when you walked in. Your jaw falling wide, almost reaching the ground. You were so distracted, overwhelmed by such beauty that you didn’t feel Wonwoo bump into you from behind. Probably hyper-focused on his phone rather than where he was going.

His fault for not complimenting you in the first place. In your head, you had convinced yourself that this was his karma.

“It’s absolutely beautiful, oh my god, I swear the air left my lungs when I first saw it.” You complimented, shaking his extended hand. Wonwoo was next to you, hand on your lower back, drawing small circles to remind you that he was still there. But just like he ignored you. You ignored him.

“Wow, thanks, that means a lot to me. Truthfully if it wasn’t for the fact that we were in a bit of a time crunch I would’ve painted over it like five times.” He says, sheepishly, retreating his hand and scratching the back of his neck.

Joshua rolls his eyes, patting Jungkook’s back once again, “And I fired him every time he threatened to repaint it.” He jokes, taking a sip of champagne from his flute, ears perking up when he hears his name being called for the thousandth time. Nodding, a gentle goodbye before walking towards Jeonghan who was balancing two trays of champagne flutes in both of his hands, clearly struggling.

It was early in the night, but you could tell that the grand opening of his restaurant - Heaven’s Cloud, co-owned by the three boyfriends - was off to a great start. You were so proud of them for finally going through something they had in the works for years. They even gave you the exclusive PowerPoint presentation one night, explaining their vision. Seeing it finally come to life brought tears to your eyes. Tears that you quickly pushed away because you didn’t want Wonwoo to see you cry. You were still a bit upset with him.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t. I’ve never seen such a beautiful painting from a local artist before.” You pause, laughing lightly, shaking your head. “I take it back Minghao’s paintings are beautiful too, I officially have two hung up in my apartment. Maybe I can convince you to paint one for me too.”

Jungkook smiles widely, nodding his head. “I would love that. You’d officially be the second commission I ever do.” He states proudly, holding two fingers in front of him. You take a step forward, Wonwoo’s hand falling away from your back down to his side. You can’t see him, but you can feel his burning gaze on you. A bit annoyed that you’re paying more attention to the young artist and not him. Your lovely, sweet boyfriend, who gets so stunned by your beauty that he forgets how to function.

“It’s an honor, can I get your number?” You tilt your head, extending your phone out to him, unlocked. A sweet picture of you and Wonwoo from last month, sharing a kiss underneath the cherry blossoms, adorning your phone screen. If only he was still the same man who told you he loved you every time his eyes caught a falling flower petal.

Sigh.

Jungkook blushes, taking your phone from your hands and he quickly types in his number before handing it back to you. “I texted myself, sorry.” He says, and not even a minute later his phone chimes, a wide smile appearing across his face.

“Can you tell me more about the painting?” You go to stand next to him, placing your hand on top of his shoulder. Smirking when you hear the low groan escape Wonwoo’s lips.

You weren’t trying to make him jealous. In fact, your flirting mode had been inactivated throughout the entire interaction between you and Jungkook. You were genuinely curious about the painting. It had evoked such a strong emotion from you that you wanted to know more about it.

And maybe you were being a bit petty towards Wonwoo, but could anyone blame you? You looked hot as fuck and he had completely disregarded that.

“Um, yeah, I’d love to.” Jungkook rushes out, awkwardly shifting his gaze between you and Wonwoo. He could feel the tension between the two of you. Knew the two of you were together, that much he had gathered by not just your phone’s wallpaper, but also the way the two of you danced around one another effortlessly, even if you were in some kind of fight.

He felt like painting it.

“Awesome, can we take a closer look.” You nod your head towards the mural, crossing your arms in front of you. Feeling a bit self-conscious as Wonwoo’s gaze burned brightly through the skin of your back. It took everything in you to not take the few steps back that you had taken forward and hug him tight. Kiss his cheek and tell him that you loved him more than love itself.

The petty side of your brain thought otherwise. You weren’t going to flirt with Jungkook, he was cute. Had the appeal of a bad boy with a sweet side due to the intricate tattoo designs he had covering his arms. But you weren’t interested in him one bit. Your heart belongs entirely to the man, fuming with jealousy behind you.

So you were just going to make it look like you were flirting. The distance would give off the illusion.

“Sure, after you beautiful.”

Wonwoo continued to ignore you the entire night. Only, lingering around you following you like a shadow wherever you and Jungkook went. Listening to you and the young artist talk animatedly about art and museums and things he had no knowledge about. Things he never once knew you were interested in.

The Baroque Period was one of your favorite eras when it came to art, with the Art Nouveau period coming in on a close second. He learned about your fascination with Bernini’s Apollo and Daphne marble sculpture. Listened to you talk passionately about how one man was able to not only get the details of the human body right. But the anguish on Daphne’s face made you feel for her. And how amazed you were that he managed to make the leaves on her fingers thin and sheer enough to allow light to go through.

Each time you opened your mouth Wonwoo looked at you so lovingly. He was attentive without meaning to be and made mental notes on all the pieces that you mentioned. Promising himself that he would look them up as soon as he could and read all about them. They had to be out of this world to get your eyes to sparkle like they were stars in the night sky.

The downside of it all is that each time you opened your mouth, he saw Jungkook’s fall from grace. His utter demise. A part of him felt for the young artist. Wonwoo knew what it was like to love someone that would never be yours. The other part of him, the more vindictive side, stood by you proudly, sending warning glares to the tattooed boy whenever his gaze lingered on yours for a little longer than it was supposed to.

Wonwoo’s pride didn’t falter for a second. On the car ride home, after many cocktail finger foods, group pictures, and teary-eyed speeches. Wonwoo didn’t break. His jaw clenched, gripping the steering wheel.

The air was tense. It was overwhelming but it didn’t feel like something you couldn’t handle. Even now as he walked in and out of your bedroom, slowly getting ready for bed. The unspoken agreement that he would be staying the night, dancing between the two of you while you waited for him underneath your covers in your pink heart-patterned pajamas.

Daring one another to see which one would break first.

In the end, it was you. Missing the sound of his voice a little too much than normal. “I’m mad at you.” You voice, making him stop to look at you as he walked back into your room, wearing the other matching set to your pajamas. He places his folded clothes on top of your dresser, lifting his brow up clearly confused. As far as he knew, the only one that should be mad for the way you had acted tonight was him. And he wasn’t, just sad, but not upset.

“You didn’t tell me I looked beautiful tonight. Not when I asked you before leaving, or any time during the night.” You confess, sitting up, running your finger along the tiny flowers painted onto your duvet.

Wonwoo stutters, forgetting all the feelings he had coursing through him, running to your side of the bed, stubbing his toe with the foot of your bed in the process. You jump, reaching your arms to him as he falls back onto your mattress, moaning in pain, holding onto his foot. He brushes you off, the throbbing pain could wait, right now he needs to make his idiot actions right. So, he sits up, cringing, and grabs both of your hands, bringing them up to his lips and kissing each of your knuckles gently.

“My love, you looked radiant today. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when you asked but I was at a loss for words, honestly, my brain turned into mush when I saw you.” He scoots himself closer, both of his legs on either side of your body trapping you in. “You have no idea how much I wanted to skip the grand opening and just stay here, with you, underneath your covers for the rest of the night.” He nods, circling both of his arms around your waist, bringing you closer. “And every time I saw you laughing with that guy-

“Jungkook.”

“That guy,” He reiterates, making you roll your eyes. “I wanted to take you to the nearest bathroom and Christian the hell out of it.” He says, his hands dancing around your back.

You pout, burying your face into his chest. “I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner, I know you didn’t like watching me and Jungkook all night.” Sighing, you wrap your arms around his waist hugging him tightly.

Wonwoo smiles, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay, I liked watching you talk. It also made me realize how you felt whenever I talked about bones and stuff. Cause I didn’t understand shit but I didn’t care. I was seeing a different side of you and I loved it.” He pauses, “Even though I wish it was directed towards me.”

You gasp inaudibly and lift your head up. “All you have to do is ask Woo, I have two semesters of art history downloaded in here-” You point to your head, “Permanently.”

He laughs airly, but it’s cut short by the need to give you another kiss. So he does, short, sweet but with purpose. “Every time I learn something new about you I fall more in love.” He whispers, head tilted, eyes filled with so much adoration that you want to cry. “Last week was your weird obsession with the Twilight series.”

You groan, throwing your head back. “It’s not weird or an obsession, it literally shaped my entire childhood and adolescence.” You state matter of factly.

“I mean I have to agree, that last one was crazy. I definitely didn’t expect that plot twist.”

“I told you it was life-changing.” You poke his cheek.

“I don’t know about life-changing, but definitely mind-fucking.”

“Whatever.” You grumble, lowering your head and hiding your smile from him. The satisfaction you felt when you managed to sit him down for a Twilight marathon was award-winning. Even more so how into it he got during the biggest plot twist of your entire life. His whines of protest, claiming he was going to sue Stephanie Meyer or whoever directed the movie for emotional distress.

“I’m still sorry Wonwoo.”

“It’s okay I am sorry too.” He smiles, laying you down on your back and hovering above you. “Now I may not be an artist like Jinhyung-”

“Jungkook.” You correct, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Yeah who cares.” He leans down, stopping just above your lips, “I may not be an artist like him but I can paint the most beautiful mosaic on your body tonight.”

You smile, giggling, “How long did it take you to come with that one?”

“The entire car ride home.” He stops, sticking his tongue out, licking his lips before leaning in closer. His lips brushing against yours, “Did it work?”

“Most definitely.”

Month 4: Internship and Blues

Congratulations!

Wonwoo couldn’t believe his eyes as he read over the congratulatory email for the thousandth time. Suddenly all those late nights he spent researching, writing, erasing sentences he could not make sense of, didn’t seem too bad because everything had aligned so perfectly he was going to scream out of joy.

Quickly, he exited the mail app and went straight to your contact name. He couldn’t wait to tell you. Couldn’t wait to hear that tiny squeal that always escaped your mouth whenever your body couldn’t handle so much excitement. His smile was so wide until he pressed his phone to his ear and heard the first ring.

Should he tell you? Would you be happy for him? Or will your happiness be masked with a little tang of disappointment?

You were struggling to find a job again.

Last week you had left your job at the tutoring center and Minghao’s bookstore wasn’t paying enough. Joshua had offered you a waitressing job at Heaven’s Cloud. But after one day, wrong orders, broken plates, and a furious Seungcheol. Everyone came to the agreement that waitressing was not a profession for you.

Even though you had managed to pick up a few freelance writing projects, they weren’t enough to feed your soul. He witnessed how defeated you looked whenever you sent out your resume and writing samples to publishing companies. Even the small ones and start-up ones. Each one came back with a letter of rejection. It hurt him to see you so depleted. So hurt. That he didn’t even feel like celebrating anymore. More so because the internship Wonwoo had been feigning for was all the way in the heart of the city. Which meant he had to move.

With a sigh, he brought his phone down and hung up before you got the chance to answer. He would tell you, but he needed some time to process the turmoil of emotions he had coursing through him. Thankfully, upon request by Minghao, the two of you had started meditating. Nothing too serious, just ten minutes a day whenever he could. And surely he needed to feel that calm state of mind now in order to break the news.

Though he knew you wouldn’t be anything less but proud for him. He still didn’t want to bring you down more than what you already were. It was a very thin line that he was walking on. One that asked him to be in a calm state before crossing it.

So, he opened the videos Minghao sent him and sat in his car, palms facing the sky. The smooth voice and gentle frequencies, enveloping his body, relaxing him. He knew by the time he opened his eyes again he would be ready to tell you.

The blank word document was almost haunting. It was possibly one of the worst feelings you could ever encounter in your life. You had gotten word from one of your freelance writing positions that an editor spot had opened up in one of the publishing firms you had been eyeing for months now. Always too intimidated to actually send in your resume and writing samples. Though now the clock was ticking fast, counting down the seconds. You only truly had enough funds to pay for two more months’ worth of rent. That is if you skipped out on basic human needs, like food, laundry, and electricity.

Without paying for those you’d have two months’ worth of rent left if you stayed paying for those things you had probably half a months’ worth of rent. So, after pacing tirelessly around your living room and making your award-winning pros and cons lists. You caved and decided to reach out to Universe Factory Publishing & Co, with your heart on your sleeve knowing you had nothing left to lose.

The only problem came after reading all your old writing samples. Understanding why you had been rejected from all the other places you had applied to, because in nicer words than you had originally thought; they all sucked. But your blank document staring back at you sucked even more. No matter how hard you tried, nothing seemed to come out of your brain. Your mind had gone blank and it was frustrating.

“Hey, I’m here!” Wonwoo exclaims while toeing off his shoes at the front door. You had been swimming so deep in your head that you didn’t hear the familiar beep of your front door. The familiar sound made your ears perk up and in an instant to the point that you were standing in front of your door waiting to greet him.

Not this time. Even before he walked in he could sense your distress as he typed in the code to your front door. A slight frown across his face when he found you slumped over your coffee table, head resting on top of your laptop keyboard looking at the door. A faraway glimmer hiding deep behind your eyes.

“Uh, oh, I know this look. What’s wrong?” He smiles, making his way to you and sitting down next to you, placing the colorful bouquet of roses he had picked up on his way home on top of your coffee table. “Can’t write?” He says, snaking his arm over your shoulder, reeling you in.

You nod, “My brain has stopped working.” You whisper, scrunching your face in distaste before sitting up. Your sights catch the bouquet, laying in front of you unattended. A total of nine roses. Your heart swells up with ease.

Eternal Love.

You weren’t sure if Wonwoo knew that you knew that he did this intentionally. He had taken a Plant Taxonomy course one year during his undergraduate. And of course, you had written most of his papers, so you knew that every time he gave you flowers it was like he was reassuring you and his love for you. Nine roses meant eternal love, the red ones obviously meant love, the pink ones, gratitude, the yellow ones, friendship, and the white ones, purity. An entire love story in the form of a bouquet.

Your love story in the form of a bouquet.

Ignorance is bliss, though, so you acted like you didn’t know. Keeping his secret a little longer until he decided to share it with you.

“They’re beautiful. Can I go put them in water now?” You beam, reaching past him, grabbing the bouquet and clutching it to your chest. Wonwoo chuckles, your switches his mood, though a little annoying sometimes he could never live without.

“Is your brain still broken?” He raises a brow, digging his thumb into the back of your neck, making you moan in relief.

“Yes, but only when it comes to writing. As soon as I sit down my brain just goes blank.” You pout, head lolling to the side as you feel the tension disappear underneath his thumb. “I’ve been sitting here for hours, I didn’t even hear my phone ring when you called earlier.” You stop, remembering you mentally told yourself to call back but never did. Curiosity sparks within you and you turn to face him completely. “Why did you call?”

“It’s not important, we gotta fix that broken brain of yours.” He jokes, poking your forehead.

You huff, placing the flowers down next to your laptop and crossing your arms in front of you, “You’re going to have a hard time fixing it because now I want to know why you called. It’s weird for you to call at two in the afternoon. You’re usually with Maya talking about bones.”

Wonwoo shakes his head, putting both his arms around you. “We don’t just talk about bones.” He kisses the tip of your nose cheekily, “And she ditched me for Soonyoung, so I just did half of the lab Professor Kim assigned his students.”

You gasp, hand over mouth. “She’s going to be pissed.”

“We took this TA summer job together. She can’t just ditch me because she wants to have sex.” He states, annoyed. You smile while he scrunches his face up, pushing his glasses up. A habit of his so endearing that you will never get tired of.

“Don’t blame them, they’re in love.” You swat your hand over his chest.

Wonwoo rolls his eyes, “So are we but I still follow through with my commitments.”

“Seems like the two of you need couple’s counseling.” You laugh.

“Ha Ha.” He exclaims sarcastically, “Keep talking like that, and I won’t help you fix your brain.” He flicks your forehead gently, making you wince dramatically. “Pipe down my little drama queen, that’s part of your treatment.”

“I don’t like it.” You pout, rubbing your forehead. “Tell me why you called first,” You pause, bringing both of your hands, clasping them in front of you. “Please, please please please please please ple-”

Wonwoo kisses you, short and fast, cutting you off. He pulls away, smiling widely. A flash of genuine excitement runs past his eyes, exciting you in the process. Sometimes it was scary how the two of you could share emotions. You figured it had to do with the whole in-love thing.

“I got the internship, Genius Labs emailed me today. I officially start next month after I send in my paperwork.” He rushes out, whispering the last part as he eyes you tentatively. Still unsure of what your reaction would be.

Though he shouldn’t be as surprised as he is when that familiar squeal flies out of your mouth and your lips are on him. The kiss is not forceful, but it isn’t the smoothest one you’ve ever given him. Your teeth are clanking against his lips as a joyful giggle escapes you.

Wonwoo sighs out in relief.

Even though he knew this would be your reaction. He feels better witnessing it firsthand.

“Babe, that’s amazing!” You visibly shake, hugging him tightly. “I’m so proud of you.” You laugh and the sound of it makes him swell up with bliss. “See, I told you could do it, bro.”

Wonwoo pushes you away. “Stop calling me bro, it’s weird we kiss, and hug and-” He looks around before leaning in, breathe fanning your ear, “And we fuck.”

“I’m saying it endearingly, it’s the same way as you calling me baby or sexy.”

“I’m not going to get into how wrong you are, but whatever.” He shrugs, looking away. The worry he worked so hard to push away, comes back and quickly he redirects his attention to your balcony window.

You furrow your brows, placing your hand underneath his chin, guiding him to face you. “What’s wrong, we should be celebrating. Why do you look so sad?” You give him a kiss on his cheek, resting your forehead against his.

“It’s downtown, three hours away. I’m going to have to move.” He says sadly, fidgeting with the ends of your hair resting on your back. “To a new place, a new city, and away from all of our friends.” He pauses, “Away from you.”

“Woo,” You sigh, rubbing your thumb over his cheek, “It’s okay, you’ve been working for this for months now. Yeah, we’ll be three hours away but that’s three hours and not a plane ride away. We can make it work.” You nod, pulling him in for a hug, guiding his head to rest awkwardly against your chest.

“And if I get the editor position at Universe Factory Publishing & Co, then we can move in together.” You offer, your chest blooming with hope. God, you really needed this job. Not because you’d be three hours away from Wonwoo, but it was the position you really wanted. At a company, you admired.

It was your dream job. And though, sometimes dream jobs were altered. It didn’t stop you from really wanting it.

“Wait,” He picks up your head. “You’re doing it, you’re finally doing it?” He says excitedly, tightening his hold on you. For months, every time a rejection email or letter came in the mail. He would be there telling you to stop wasting your time and talent on companies that couldn’t see your worth. And for some reason, he had an inkling that your dream company would, so after a small crying session with your face in his arms. He’d repeat to you, the same thought you had and that was to apply.

He was beyond happy that you finally decided to do so. He knew you’d cave one day, and he was happy that it was today.

Two celebrations in one.

“I am, I have nothing else to lose, so I thought why not?” You shrug, “I’ve faced enough rejection letters that if I get rejected from this place it won’t hurt as much.” You say sadly, leaning forward, letting your head fall on top of his chest. Needing his comfort again, now more than ever.

“You won’t, they’ll take you in without hesitation.” He says reassuringly, smoothing his hands down your back.

“They will if my brain stays broken and I can’t write.” You groan, annoyed with yourself.

“Well, you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Relax and you’ll see that as soon as you do you’ll be a writing machine again.” He finishes, kissing the top of your head lovingly. Smiling, gently when he sees you visibly relax.

“Can you help me?” You look up at him. “I’m thinking too much but at the same time I’m not thinking at all.”

“Yes, we do have two celebrations to get started in. I’m thinking we rewatch the Twilight series, make cookies and then decorate them with the leftover icing tubes we used for Minghao’s birthday cake last month.” He offers, putting a pensive hand over his chin before snapping his fingers in front of him. “And you’re not allowed to look at your laptop or phone once.”

“Bu-”

“Ah-Ah,” He cuts you off, placing his finger in front of your lips, shushing you. “No but’s, tonight we relax, you can even put those gunky face masks on me.” He smiles, closing the distance and kissing your lips lightly, “Go get our matching pajamas, the ones with the cats on them.” He taps your hip twice, signaling for you to get up. “I’ll put the flowers in water and get the ingredients for the cookies ready.”

You huff, standing up, silently protesting, which makes Wonwoo laugh loudly. “I created a monster.” You cross your arms in front of you, “Don’t forget to take out all the pots and pans I have inside the oven before you preheat it.” You scold.

Last time he forgot, it had your place smelling like burnt metal for a day. Thankfully nothing had caught on fire, despite the fire alarm going off. But it was not an experience you wanted to re-live. The look of utter disappointment the firefighters had when they came out carrying one of your pots as proof after the entire building had been evacuated, was one you never wanted to witness ever again.

“Oh, thanks for reminding me, babe.” He clicks his tongue, standing up, holding the bouquet of roses in front of him. Cheekily smiling as he did a recount of the flowers. Nine in total.

Eternal love for you and you only.

You nod, rounding the table, and walk to the hallway leading up to the rooms. Before disappearing, Wonwoo calls out your name, making you stop to turn and face him. “Yes, love.”

“Peaches, I’m proud of you.”

Month 5: Moving in Together

“I can’t believe you’re leaving us,” Jeonghan grumbles, setting down his beer on top of your coffee table. The only surviving piece of furniture or item that has not been packed up inside a moving truck or a cardboard box.

It was bittersweet, the decision to not take it with you had been harder than you expected. Somehow you had gotten attached to the old thing that Wonwoo found for you at a garage sale almost four years ago, but you did. In your defense, it held a lot of memories, etched into the aging wood. From the sweat rings that your drinks left behind before you started using coasters. To the little pen marks, you had accidentally made when thinking. Each one held a significant story, to you, to the previous owners, and whoever will get the table after you.

“I’m moving three hours away, you guys can come visit me or I can come visit you guys.” You roll your eyes, running the tape roll over the slit of the box you had finished packing. This one held kitchenware. You had spent too much money on them to not take them with you. “Wonwoo’s literally been doing that for the last three weeks.”

“Yeah, but I don’t like him as much as I like you.” Jeonghan shrugs, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m going to miss you so much.” He whispers, putting his feet up on your coffee table. The last time it will ever receive such malicious treatment. In a way it made your heart drop.

Why the hell were you so attached to a coffee table? One that had been fading from years of overuse. It had a few initials of the previous owners carved into one of the legs. An innocent ‘J’ t ‘M’ equals ‘N’ with a wobbly heart encasing the sweet eternal promise.

The night you noticed it Wonwoo was with you. Together you concluded that the J stood for James the M for Mei and the N for Naomi, obviously the product of their eternal love. It was a story the two of you made up on the spot instead of watching the Digimon reruns they had on that day. Neither of you cared much for it but it was better than anything the tv was offering.

Now the little family the two of you had created would soon be out of your life and you weren’t sure how to feel about it. For all, you knew they didn’t exist, but it was Wonwoo’s housewarming gift to you and you suppose that’s why you were having such a hard time parting with it.

But Wonwoo had gone ahead and bought a new coffee table when he moved at the end of last month. And truthfully you didn’t have to take much with you, except for everything you had. In all honesty, you had not wanted to visit Wonwoo once while he was away, you already knew what the apartment looked like because you had picked out with him. A gruesome week of apartment hunting you wanted to forget. Either way he had taken literally nothing with him, sold all his furniture in a garage sale. Except of course his gaming setup and was sleeping on a blow-up mattress for a little over four weeks.

He claimed he didn’t need to take anything with him if you were going to end up joining him anyway, so you could take your stuff to him. He liked it much better than his anyway. Which then you would remind him that you were still in the interview process with Universe Factory Publishing & Co and that you weren’t sure if they would even accept you in the end. Only to have him shut you down, telling you that you had the position in the bag.

And you did. They had sent you your congratulatory email last week, during your nightly facetime call with Wonwoo. Both of you ended up crying with pure joy and immediately you were making plans to finally move out to your new home with him.

It was a day away, you still had so much to pack. The movers had already taken your big pieces of furniture and a lot more boxes. The only thing you had left was your suitcase of clothes that didn’t make it onto the truck and four boxes of miscellaneous items. One of those being your kitchenware. Forgetting them or giving them away was not an option.

You cut the last of the tape, securing the enclosure, and place down the roll on top of the box before making your way to Jeonghan. All of your friends had come over to help you pack. Each of them bursting into tears, as they left to continue about their day. Except for Maya who had done a week’s worth of crying to you alone. Even though she and Soonyoung were taking a gap year together to volunteer at animal sanctuaries around the world. She still was going to miss you more than anything in the world.

They were more dramatic than you.

“Hannie, nothing’s going to change. You guys are all still my family.” You sit down next to him on the floor. Groaning as you hope your too expensive and too uncomfortable couch was going to make it to Wonwoo safe and sound. “I think parting from you guys forever will literally be impossible, you’re Baby Bean’s Godfather.”

Jeonghan sits up, eyes wide. “Wait, you’re pregnant?” He asks, confused, excited, and a little scared. It makes you laugh loudly, head thrown back as the panic starts to rush through him. “This is serious, stop fucking with me are you pregnant?” And you laugh even harder, to the point your abs start to hurt.

He groans, placing both of his hands on your shoulders shaking you. “Tell me you’re joking, it’s too soon, does Wonwoo know? Does your mom know? Fuck I have to tell Shua and Cheol and they’re one hundred percent going to beat Wonwoo up.”

You place your hand over your stomach and take a few deep breaths, loud bows of laughter turning into giggles. “No I’m not pregnant, Wonwoo adopted a cat to keep Lilac company while we’re gone to work.” You bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing, “Her name is Baby Bean because she’s so little and has a bean-shaped birthmark on her forehead.”

Jeonghan scoffs, pushing you away making you fall back onto your carpeted floor. “Fuck you, I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.” He stands up, taking his empty beer bottle with him. “Find someone else to drive you three hours away tomorrow.” He grumbles, walking over to the bag of trash and chucking the bottle inside. “I swear, I saw myself babysitting, and let me tell you it was hell.” He points out, hands on his hips like a mother scolding their child.

“Trust me Hannie, Wonwoo and I won’t get pregnant for another three years.” You smile, pulling your knees up to your chest. “Not only do we use protection all the time but he also pulls out when he doesn’t. Also, I have my implant that lasts me up to three years. So you’re good, buttercup.” You wink, sending him a pair of finger guns, making him roll his eyes.

“Good, do me a favor then.” He sighs, walking over and sitting down next to you. “Get another after three years, I can’t handle a kid yet.”

“You’re so annoying, you aren’t going to be the father.”

“I don’t care, kids scare me,” He whines, “And if the kid is yours and Wonwoo’s then he’s going to be a monster.” He pouts, kicking his feet in front of him.

“Fine, I’m revoking your Godfather title, I will start sending out applications tomorrow.” You shrug.

Quickly, he sits up and places both of his hands on top of your cheeks, squishing them together. A panicked look on his face. “Now come on I didn’t say I didn’t want to be its Godfather, I’m just saying they’re scary.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” You blow out a raspberry making him cringe.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’ll see.” You wink, cheekily. A secret you’ve kept from him threatening to spill it. But it wasn’t yours to tell and if Joshua had confided in you then you were going to keep it until he was the one to tell his boyfriends. Yet, you couldn’t wait.

“I’m exhausted.” You pout, throwing yourself on top of your couch in your new apartment.

A full day of unloading furniture and unpacking was weighing heavily on your body and you were ready to call it a night. Wonwoo laughs, from the front door. He was saying his final goodbye and thank you’s to Jeonghan and Minghao. Who had stayed after driving you over to help.

It took a few hugs, bribing them with free food to get them to stay past five though. And it was now midnight. Their bodies, coated with equal amounts of exhaustion as your own. It didn’t help that it was nearing midnight and they still had a three-hour drive left. You felt bad, even tried to convince them to stay the night, but they refused. Rejecting all your offers, with a cocky we’re leaving princess from Jeonghan and a knowing wink towards Wonwoo from Minghao.

You swear, their heads lived in the gutter.

Wonwoo laughs at something Jeonghan says before shutting the door. He shakes his head and walks back to you, hands stuffed deep in the pocket of his old ripped jeans. “First night in our first home together.” He smiles and stands in front of you, extending his arms out for you to take. “Let’s go break in our new bed.” He says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“It’s not new, it’s literally my old one.” You bite back, grabbing onto his hands, letting him pull you up. Once you’re upright he wraps his arms around your waist, pecking your lips.

“The frame isn’t new, but the mattress is. I literally unpacked it today with Minghao and it was a bitch to carry.” He groans, bringing his hand up to the back of his shoulders, rubbing at his sore muscles.

“You just want me to give you a massage so it can lead to us having sex.” You roll your eyes and poke his nose gently. He huffs in defeat, letting his arm fall down to his side. A light cherry-colored blush appears on the apple of his cheeks. You smirk.

Caught, red-handed.

You pull away from his arms, sidestep him and start making your way to your new bedroom. “Don’t stand there, I didn’t say no.” You say, bringing your shirt up to reveal your black lace bralette. “But first you need to give me a massage to earn yours.” You finish, turning around and throwing your shirt at him.

Wonwoo stutters, smiling big as he jumps. Literally jumps over the coffee table full of stuff that still hasn’t found their place. “My love, I don’t care. I plan on loving you all night long, only minimal breaks allowed.” He tuts, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. His lips find the nape of your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses all over it as he guides you to your room.

“I love the idea.” You move your neck to the side, to give him more room. He hums, running his tongue over your sweet spot and you have to fight the moan that forms in the back of your throat from coming out. “But I want to finish unpacking tomorrow.”

“It can wait, the world won’t end.” He mumbles against your skin, biting down gently when he reaches the skin around your collarbone. Grinning happily when the beautiful sound he had been trying to coax out of you escapes you.

“We can fuck in every room as we unpack tomorrow.” You deadpan, making him stop his movements. He disconnects his lips from your skin and stands up straight. He grabs a hold of your shoulders and turns you around to meet the smugness painted all over your face. He licks his lips, lets his hands travel down your back until they reach your ass, squeezing it tightly. Pulling you in so his growing cock was pressed up against you.

“I like your idea better. I’ll only love you for half the night and then we can pick it up again tomorrow.” He nods, walking you a few steps back before reaching the door to your bedroom. “I’m dying to fuck you against our balcony window, want everyone to see how good you are for me.” He pushes the door open, making it hit the wall. You send a scold his way, the lecture dying at the tip of your tongue when he kisses you hard.

It’s short, but it leaves you breathless when he pulls away. Similar to all the other kisses the two of you share. You begin to think that that was never going to go away no matter how old the two of you get. The spark between the two of you had been dormant that the possibility of it ever going out was nonexistent.

“Are you going to be a good girl and let me do that?” He tilts his head, swiping his tongue over his lower lips, his thumb caressing your cheek, keeping you in place. You moan.

“Yes sir, please fuck me.”

Month 6: Last Cam Show Ever

“Are you sure?” Wonwoo bites his lip, his cock straining in his slacks as he types in the familiar website he had retired from nearly seven months ago.

Pledisboys.com

“Mhm, one last show and we leave it behind.” You whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning forward, lips above the shell of his ear. “And I think we deserve to have at least one sex tape, can we save it after we’re done?” You poke out your tongue, licking the back of his ear, humming when you feel his breath get caught in the back of his throat.

“No, but we can just make a better one later, just for us.” He nods, clicking around the website. Ignoring all the spam messages he was getting from his avid viewers, wondering where he was, or begging him to return. It was expected. He did disappear without a word after the incident with you. And he did think about trying again after the two of you had resolved everything but the guilt would seep in whenever he thought about going live again. Despite what you had shown on-screen he knew how comfortable you had felt. So, he decided against it and logged out of the account forever.

Forever, that was his plan. Until earlier today after eating you out for the fifth time. One orgasm for each day of the week he hadn’t been able to give you one due to his busy schedule. In your post-orgasm daze, you had a mischievous glint behind your eyes. A look Wonwoo had quickly come to realize was the product of either one of your awesome ideas or one of your worst ideas.

At first, he wasn’t sure. Every worst possible case quickly resurfaced as he pictured himself pressing the red live button again. But there is one thing Wonwoo could never say no to and that was your mouth around his dick, and well pretty much everything you did; sexual or not. So, he caved. Set the same ground rules as before, with the exception of number five.

5. Catching feelings = big no, everything = platonic.

Nothing between you and Wonwoo was platonic. Possibly ever.

The two of you got ready. You in one of his old shirts. Minus your panties - you hadn’t been wearing those since you walked in through the front door earlier after running a few errands; and Wonwoo in nothing but the slacks he had worn to work earlier.

“Do you have everything you need?” He chews on his bottom lip. Nervous and scared beyond belief.

Reminding him of how he felt before his first cam show ever. Finally understanding how you had felt before yours.

“Yup.” You pop the ‘p’ rounding the side of his desk chair and sitting right in his lap, legs crossed with your arms around his neck. “I thought about getting the vibrator we use sometimes but simple is better and I just want to touch myself for you.” You smile, pecking his lips so sweetly. The action doesn’t match the lewd words you had just said.

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road then.” He winks, leaning forward, checking to see if the camera was positioned properly, so nothing above your lips were in frame. He checked it at least five times already, but a sixth time wouldn’t hurt.

His paranoia was really getting the best of him tonight. But in his defense, this wasn’t how he planned his night to play out. So, he had every right to feel paranoid, especially when he wasn’t sure what reaction the two of you were going to encounter tonight.

With a sigh, he hums satisfied and sits back. His arm wrapped around you so tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as he hovers the mouse above the red button of doom. He can feel how excited you are, literally vibrating against his lap. He has half a mind to try to convince you otherwise, to think about it a little bit more. Even though he knew that you wouldn’t have suggested it in the first place if you hadn’t thought about it thoroughly. He trusts you and your decisions, aware that this was probably something you needed to do. Something he needed to do in order to fully close that chapter that he had kept open for far too long.

He clicks ‘go live.’

“Welcome to Woo’s game room, I hope you’re all ready to play with me and my angel one last time tonight.” He smiles, his thumb rubbing circles over your bare thigh, reassuring you. “I suppose you guys know what to do. We’ve only been gone for seven months. But just in case you all forgot the rule. I’ll repeat myself, we won’t start until we reach our donation goal.” He shifts, spreading his legs, sending you a wink in the process.

Fuck.

gyuishard: OH!! OH, OH,.,.I LITERALLY DROPPED EVERYTHING AS SOON AS I GOT THE NOTIFCIATION!@111! gyuishard donated 300 coins Gam3boivern18: I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH, MY LIFE WAS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT YOU! Gam3boivern18 donated 100 coins Dom.Han: wtf I’ve been calling you, it’s a 911 EMERGENCY!!!!! Cherrycheol69: ^^^ no it’s not, stop pouting and help me out with dinner. Not.Dino: WAIT YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER’S THAT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR >:| Princejisoo: ^^^ deal with it. NOW CAN MY BOYFRIENDS’ PLS GET OFF SO WE CAN FINISH DINNER, MAYA, AND SOOYOUNG ARE GOING TO BE HERE IN TWENTY!!!! Cherrycheol69: yes baby! Have fun guys, love you! <3 Cherrycheol69 donated 100 coins Dom.Han: fine :( I love you guys be careful <3 Dom.Han donated 200 coins The8: our friends are weird! wtf

“I agree,” You laugh, reading over the comments, shaking your head at their antics. Jeonghan was probably calling you to complain about how the new waitress they just hired was more incompetent than you when it came to waitressing. You giggle at the thought of it, making Wonwoo’s grip your waist a bit tighter than before.

He hadn’t said anything since his first statement, chewing on his bottom lip as the donation number got closer to the goal. It was rising up fast. Faster than you had ever seen it go up. But you figured it had to do with Wonwoo’s return. The site’s Golden Boy. The one who had the top stream every week for the past three years. His sudden disappearance had caused utter turmoil, disturbed the peace if you will.

He was worried.

“We can stop if you want?” You whisper, placing both palms of your hands against his cheeks. “We don’t need this to make each other feel good.” You smile, nodding your head before placing a soft kiss against his lips.

He grins, “I know, our sex life is already amazing.” He mumbles against you, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip, “But I want to do this one last time to finally end it all.” He says, reassuring himself more than you.

You make a noise of acknowledgement, “Then let’s start.” You kiss him again, this time with more intention, catching him off guard at first. Not expecting you to make the first move. Not that you ever did but every time the two of you had gone live together. A whole two times. He was usually the one making the first move, not you. It excites him even further.

He moves his lips slowly but with force, and you can still taste the remnants of your five other orgasms against them, tangy and a little bit unpleasant. To Wonwoo it tasted exactly like candy, he could never get enough of you. Somedays all he needed was to be in between your legs, making you come for him to be satisfied.

He pulls away, running his tongue over your lips a few times before sitting back. Change of plans, he wants to fuck you. “Straddle my lap.” He says tapping your hip a few times. “Want you to ride me.” You give him an odd look as he starts to unbutton his slacks, regretting not taking them off earlier. But he had been so immersed in your body and your pleasure that he had forgotten how truly horny he was. Only now to be reminded of it, while millions of people were watching.

He was going to miss that feeling. The swell in his chest when people told him how hot he looked with his hand wrapped around his cock. How hard he would orgasm whenever someone praised him.

He wasn’t going to miss it.

But he didn’t need that anymore, nor did he need the money. His life was finally looking up, working at his dream job, living in a beautiful apartment that overlooked the city and you to come home too. Also, recently the two of you had started exploring each other’s kinks a bit more and it was the best-added bonus of being with you.

“But I thought we we-” You get cut off with a gasp as Wonwoo’s hand comes down against your thigh, slapping you hard. It sends a rush of heat down in between your legs. You can hear the chat pings come in faster, your senses double-crossing you as you quickly stand up.

Wonwoo pulls down his slacks, along with his underwear, his cock standing long and hard against his abdomen. It stops just above his belly button where the silver ball of his piercing used to reside. He had taken it out two months after graduation, resulting in you mourning the loss of it in silence.

You were still mourning.

“Come on my love, you came five times today.” He extends his hand out splayed out, displaying all five of his fingers. “It’s time for my reward.” He smirks, wrapping his arms around your waist and reeling you, lifting your shirt up in the process to reveal your bare ass to the camera.

“Woo I’m not th-”

You’re cut off by another slap. It lands firmly against your ass, making you gasp. His eyes are furrowed, testing you. “That’s not my name, my love.”

“Sorry, daddy.” You swallow.

sexcaliber: holyshit did she just call him daddy. sexcaliber donated 200 coins Gam3boivern18: shit, I didn’t know I had a daddy kink until now my dick just twitched. gyuishard: same but I literally came gyuishard donated 400 coins gyuishard: take all my money I don’t care, pls say it again.

“Come on my love, everyone wants to see how good daddy fucks you.” He smirks, wrapping his hand around his cock, spreading the pre-cum around his angry head. He looked so pretty. Good enough to eat and you have to bite your lip to keep yourself from begging him to fuck your mouth.

It would be too much of a risk, fuck.

You nod, straddling his lap the best you could, aligning yourself up with him. His gaming chair wasn’t the ideal place. And even though it wasn’t your first time riding him while he sat on it. The first month of you living together, the two of you had practically fucked in every room on every surface level whenever you could. Often times you would secretly ride him while he gamed with Seungcheol and Jungkook. But though, you weren’t a stranger to the act itself, it still wasn’t your favorite and by far the most uncomfortable place to have sex in.

Still, you start to sink down slowly, both of you moaning simultaneously. You were so wet from all the orgasms he had pulled out of you earlier that he slipped right in. “You’re still so wet baby.” He breathes, bottoming out instantly.. He brings your shirt over your head and throws it to the side. “Let them see how fucking wet you are for me.” He growls, placing both of his hands on top of your ass cheeks and spreading them for the camera.

“You make me wet daddy.” You whisper, clenching around him, moaning when his cock twitches inside of you. He hums, giving both of your cheeks a slap before wrapping his arms around your waist, using your body to position himself better, so that you feel the head of his cock poking your g-spot.

You’re in heaven.

“That’s right, want to tell them how many orgasms you already had today?” He hums, rolling his hips, testing the waters to see if he can move yet.

“Five,” You pant, licking your lips, eyes locked on his “Daddy made me cum five times.” You whimper, digging your nails into his shoulder blades, resting your forehead against his. “I want more.” You say, closing your eyes in delight. His hips canting up, hitting your g-spot whenever he could. Sending blissful waves of pleasure through you. If you weren’t so sensitive you would’ve been able to hold out a bit longer, but you were already starting to feel the pressure build itself up in the pit of your stomach.

“My angel is always greedy for my cock.” He grunts, closing his hand around your throat gently, while the other tries its best to guide you down onto his cock. He wishes he could save the stream to then watch it over and over and over until he’s run out of cum. But that just makes the idea of making a sex tape with you even more appealing.

“Kiss me, baby.” He moans, guiding your face to his lips. He doesn’t waste any time. Kisses you with so much hunger, swallowing your cute little whines of pleasure, while he fucks into you. In all honesty, he could care less about his own pleasure, seeing you come undone around him was euphoric. You always got so much tighter through your orgasm, your pussy sucking him in, refusing to let him go.

It was impossible to pull out sometimes. Actually, it was impossible to pull out all the time. He basked in your heat. Loved the feeling of your soft velvety walls around him. It was everything to him. You were everything to him.

“Close,” You gasp, bucking your own hips, meeting him halfway. Wonwoo’s hands run down your back so your chest is against his. You bury your face into the crock of his neck as he plants his feet down on the ground, using it as leverage to fuck into you hard and fast.

“Oh, fuck, baby cum around my cock, daddy needs to pull out.” He pants, nails digging into your back. By now you’re panting, trying to catch your breath as your orgasm threatens to breakthrough. It’s all too much, too overwhelming and you feel it rip through your body like a tsunami wave, making your toes curl, gushing down your legs, pushing Wonwoo’s cock out from the impact. Your chest bows off his, arching your back riding out your orgasm, lifting your hips up, moaning loudly for him.

He watches you, cursing, taking a hold of his cock, tugging on it hard, rubbing it over wet pussy lips fast, chasing his own orgasm. You grab ahold of his bicep, grinding yourself on him, “Daddy’s going to cum, you want that?” He moans, tugging harder on his cock.

“Mhmm, on my pussy please.” You hum, grabbing a hold of it, pressing it against your wet lips moving your hips fast, twitching at the overstimulation. He chuckles, giving himself one last tug before spilling himself on you. Hot ropes of cum, covering your stomach and pussy. It makes his mouth water,

“So pretty, want to show the camera?” He mumbles, against your cheek. You whine, holding him close, shaking your head.

“Only for you.” You whisper, hiding your face in his neck.

He chuckles. “Alright let me turn the stream off so I can clean you up.” He kisses the crown of your head leaning forward, taking a hold of his mouse.

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Wonwoo shakes his head. As much as he was going to miss streaming, and all of his loyal viewers. He was finally ready to move on. “I hope you guys enjoyed that. This account will be gone by tomorrow. I’m grateful for how supportive you’ve all been these past three years, but I’m ready for the next chapter of my life and with my beautiful girlfriend, who I think has fallen asleep on me.” He smiles, your loving eyes hidden behind your eyelids.

“Thank you for coming to Woo’s game room and playing with me one last time.”

He moves the mouse over the red button and ends the steam, instantly the red dot stops blinking. He sighs, throwing himself back in his chair. For the first time in three years, he feels genuinely happy and he wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything else in the world.

“Stay laying down.”

You let out a whine, sending him a glare. “I’m thirsty, I want water.”

“Then I’ll go get it for you.” He retaliates, taking his arm away from your body, planting a loud kiss against your cheek, making you huff in annoyance. “I’ll be back, don’t get up, you need to regain your energy.” He scolds, getting up.

“I do have my energy. It came back after we took a nap.” You sigh, pulling the sheets up to your neck. Aftercare Wonwoo was one of your favorite Wonwoo’s. He made sure he had everything you needed, water, kisses, pancakes, boba…love. You name it, he would give it to you. Go out of his way to reassure you that with him you’d always be safe and cared for.

Today, he had run you a warm bath, with those bath bombs he absolutely despised. They always left the bathtub stained and filled with glitter. It had clogged the drain last week and the two of you had gotten into a small argument about you overusing your bath privileges. The shower was nice and spacious. It even had that waterfall shower head you had spent two days obsessing over when you had first seen it during the open house. So, he couldn’t quite understand why you chose to take baths instead of showers. Whatever the reason was, the two of you had come down to a compromise.

Baths, once a week on Wednesdays = together.

Today though, he was overriding that rule. He knew he had over-exerted your body, so he drew you a nice warm bath, with non-scented candles, a bath bomb, and even added the stress-relieving bath salt that smelled like green tea and eucalyptus.

“You need more energy.” He sticks his tongue out at you playfully, “You officially start your new job on Monday.” He points out before walking out of the room, naked.

Ever since you moved in together, the two of you had started learning more things about each other. Like how Wonwoo either lived naked or covered from head to toe. There was no in-between. The first time you had witnessed it was on a Tuesday after he got out of work. The second he had walked through the front door he was taking off his clothes, draping them over the couch. Without a word, he sat next to you, cuddled you naked while you tried to make sense of what you had just witnessed.

He was laughing about it for days.

It was crazy how far the two of you had come. From sitting next to each other in Ms.Sunshine’s kindergarten class, and sharing your sixty-four pack of crayons with him. Breaking the shitty sharpener on the back of the box was the best thing he could have ever done.

Who knows what would’ve happened if he hadn’t accidentally gotten the purple crayon stuck. The two of you would’ve probably never become inseparable. Surely would’ve never done live porn together or fallen in love.

A small analogy for a story that either of you still had trouble understanding.

All that you knew was that it was one whole big cliche. The usuals ones you would hear about in those cheesy coming-of-age 80’s movies. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. You were happy. So happy that you could burst into tears and laughter. Wonwoo was your everything and you were his.

The two of you belonged together or not at all.

Humming, Wonwoo walks back in with a glass of cold water and the Mango sherbet he sneakily bought at the grocery store on Monday. “You okay, you look like someone stuck a push pin into your big toe.” He says, handing you the glass of water.

You grab it, “That’s the weirdest analogy I’ve ever heard.” You say before taking a drink of your water. He sits down on his side of the bed, scooting closer to you. “I was just thinking.” You nod, reaching over to your bedside table, placing the glass on top of the coaster.

He hands you a spoon and opens the lid of the mango sherbet, half of it already gone. You knew he had been sneaking in bites every chance you got. “About what?” He tilts his head, licking his spoon first before digging it into the sorbet. “If it’s about work, don’t worry I know you’ll do amazing. Blow them out of the water with your amazing editing skills.” He winks.

You roll your eyes, Monday was two days away and Wonwoo had already begun his famous pep talks.

You were insanely lucky to have him.

“It’s not that, I wasn’t going to start worrying about that until Sunday night right before bed.” You joke, digging your spoon into the sugary mango sweetness. “I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

Wonwoo nods, taking the spoon out of his mouth and swallowing. “That’s crazy cause I never stop.”

You shake your head, letting go of the spoon, wincing as it clanks to the side of the plastic carton. “You’re so annoying.” You say, getting up on your knees and hugging him. “But I love you so much that I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Wonwoo chuckles, placing the container to the side, hugging you back. “That’s great cause you will never be without me.” He turns his face, kissing your temple and then your cheek. “Unfortunately if you don’t know this by now. If that ring on your pretty little finger doesn’t remind you every day. I will.” He pulls away, placing both of his hands on top of your cheeks, rubbing his thumbs underneath your eyelids. “I am never going to go anywhere.”

“I love you Wonwoo.”

“I love you too, my little mango sherbet.” He says rubbing his nose against yours.

You roll your eyes, “I’m taking it back.”

“Too bad, the rules say you can’t.”