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#I’m totally not insecure about my place in the world and my place in peoples lives!!! noooooooo

beefboyandbabygirl · 11 months

Text

Girl Code (18+)

pairing: student!jihoon x student!reader

genre: college au, angst, smut (MDNI), lotta crack, friends to...?

description: when you and your friends find out jihoon's been writing down everything you've off-handedly said about "girl code", you simply have to know why.

warnings: brief bondage/restraint, heavy insecurity on readers part, self-doubt, dirty talk, pet names, dom!uzi, sub!reader, desperation, oral (f. receiving), praise (f. receiving), muscly uzi, unprotected sex (dont do it guys....), pining, bad writing, red velvet are your friends, theyre super fun, mingyu is excluded badly, he just wants to b a part of it :(

quotes from my creative director (@joshibambi): "i am simply a hole for him", "pussy? wet. heart? pounding. me? yearning", "every1 talks ab sapphic yearning but what ab just. jihoon-yearning?",

wordcount: 12.0k

a/n: idk why but this is deffo not as good as my previous works. n e way also sorry to @onlyseokmins bc i promised her a seokmin fic WHICH IS STILL COMING i just felt like this was kinda genius and needed to happen first ok bye

It’s mid-spring, and the world is blossoming and flowering around you. Grass sprouts greener, plants drink in the heavy rainfall and flowers are blooming, slowly unfurling their pedaled heads to crane into the beautiful sky. At odds with nature, people walk the street to be drenched in the downpour, only to be dried off by the shyly peeking sun, and to have freckles surfacing on their skin and hair, getting frizzy from the humidity, when they’re biking along the streets. It’s serene, it’s natural. You’re reminded to love the place that birthed and fostered you.

But that’s out there.

You’re sitting, bottom planted firmly on the sticky surface of Joshua Hong’s couch, looking distantly into artificially colored lights, flickering across the floor, where people are dancing on one another in skimpy outfits and makeup, and everything is very far from the moon and the flowers.

“The second one is a lie!” Seulgi yells over the music, cup of god knows what in her hand, and slurring her words.

Sitting on the couch and stools surrounding the coffee table is you, Mingyu, Soonyoung, Seulgi, Irene, Yeri and Jihoon.

“No, I know she likes anal!” Screams Soonyoung giddily (forever oblivious to his surroundings), receiving a glare from your roommate, Yeri. You were currently playing two truths and one lie, and attempting to discern whether Yeri was lying about being on television, lying about having black belt in taekwondo or lying about having tried anal. “It’s about whether or not she’s tried it!” Irene rolls her eyes and huffs. “My point still stands,” Soonyoung grins and eyes Yeri, and you watch somewhat disgusted, reminding yourself to ask her about it later.

You’re sitting next to Mingyu, utterly small next to him, and the two of you are only watching the scene unfold, sharing snickering glances when something funny happens. “I’ve never done taekwondo!” Yeri screams at Soonyoung, and you and Mingyu fall back in your seats laughing and slapping each other, when Soonyoung’s face drops for a moment.

“They’re so dumb!” Mingyu cries, and you nod buried in a decorative pillow.

“Screw this noise, I’m finding Junhui,” Hoshi mumbles, a little deflated from his loss. Then he’s standing up, cargo-pants and all, and trudging away, pouting over his shoulder when he hears the laughing continue.

Jihoon - who’s been incredibly quiet and observant throughout the night, only sipping a single bottle of beer, slaps his thighs. You’re hoping in his ever searching eyes he hasn’t seen the way you’ve been staring at him all night. Are you drunk or is he so complex and sexy, and wearing a t-shirt that shows his huge arms and pants that show his thick thighs? You’re almost certain you can chalk this up to only ever seeing him in sweaters that totally swallow him - almost. “I’m going too,” he announces, standing up and not leaving much room for argument.

“Why? I’ll be the only guy,” Mingyu whines, pout pushing out his bottom lip. You scoff. You know he loves feeling like he’s one of the girls. “Paper,” Jihoon says, and adds more, when he realizes he’s being so curt it’s almost rude: “Tomorrow. I have a paper tomorrow.”

The group seems to accept this, knowing the stresses of college are weighing on each of them heavily. But your eyes narrow. You’re not buying it.

You watch him sling his jacket across his body, biting back more words. He’s quiet, sure, but never this quiet. With how he’d slumped back in his seat all night, almost bent into himself, there must be something bugging him. Jihoon’s eyes meet yours. It’s a half a second, but you feel like he knows you’re on to him, the way he hides his face under his long, black hair again and turns his back to you. All of a sudden he’s hurrying away, excusing himself half-heartedly. You narrow your eyes even further and purse your lips.

“Be right back,” you say. Seulgi pouts.

You’re trudging after him, fussing with your hair all of a sudden and adjusting your dress and - God, you care so much how he sees you. But you suppose you care more that he’s okay. That’s why you’re squeezing through the dancefloor, getting grinded on by several anonymous bodies, before pushing out to the entrance and finally breathing air that wasn't coming directly from someone else’s mouth.

“Jihoon, wait-”

You catch up to him by the doorway, where he’s stopped his journey, to slip Vernon a bill for a ziploc of mediocre weed.

“Jihoon!”

Finally, he hears you and he turns to you, where you’re regaining your last leg from the mass of bodies. Vernon is apparently still sober enough (you wouldn’t have thought so) to understand time and place, so he gently pushes past the two of you into the crowd.

You’re not ready for the look he gives you. Eyes so sharp and face darkened from his shaggy hair, curling into his face, and frowning and furrowing his brows as if he couldn’t understand why you’re here.

It sends your out-reaching body slamming backwards. You’re shrinking away from him, eyes flitting downwards self-consciously. You consider your history with him for a moment, weighing it in a glass of vodka-cranberry. This is pathetic, you realize, and it feels terrible. You’re pathetic and desperate and clingy and why would you feel the need to ask him this.

And then one moment to the next you’re scolding yourself for thinking that way. For thinking it was wrong to reach out a helping hand.

Jihoon apparently has enough of you debating with the angel and the devil on your shoulder, because he speaks finally: “What is it?”

There’s a pause.

“Are you okay?”

Another pause. You watch Jihoon’s face soften in shock, mouth falling open for a split second, before he’s closing it again and looking away. The ziploc crunches in his fingers, when they tighten and he shoves it into his inner pocket.

“I’m good,” he says.

“Okay.”

And this time and even longer pause! You can barely take it, the way he looks at you, and it almost feels like he suspicious of you, like he’s trying to discern what you’re doing here in front of him.

“Have a good night,” you say. He nods slowly and begins to walk off, and you watch him and the way the moonlight fills the entrance, so you’re coated in for a moment. Then it disappears with a slam of the door. You let out a shaky sigh.

Why did you do that? Why would you even think to do something like that?

You decide against standing there for any longer, not allowing yourself to overanalyze it, and you turn around to go back to your friends. Yet again comes the song and dance of trying to navigate the most terrifying human cesspool, face scrunching up in disgust as you make your way back to the sofa, almost unscathed, except you think you accidentally got caught in an armpit.

“Y/n! Come quick, so you can be a part of this momentous- momentous.. Moment!” You hear Mingyu calling and when he’s finally in view, you realize something very, very terrible is about to happen.

Mingyu’s holding a leather notebook between his fingers - Jihoon’s notebook. It’s the one he’s always writing in; the one he shuts closed whenever anyone gets too close, the one he keeps tucked under his arm at all times; the one he’s inexplicably writing in, even if he’s blasted on Vernon’s weed. And it’s private and he’s somehow forgotten it.

“We’re not opening it,” you say immediately, power-walking back to your spot in the couch. Mingyu snaps his head towards you, and he almost looks offended at that. “What do you mean we’re not opening it, of course we’re opening it!”

“It could be private, Gyu!” You retort and Seulgi chimes from her spot on the couch: “I’m with Y/n.”

“No, what? Fuck you guys! We’re seeing what’s in that notebook!-” Irene spits. “Thank you!” Mingyu says.

“Yeri, it’s up to you,” you say, eyeing your roommate sharply, as you sit down again. The entire group turns to her, fury behind their retinas, and she gulps, shrinking a little.

“Me, I just…” she shrugs abashedly and trails off. There’s a moment where you think she’ll side with you and leave the poor boy alone. You have some semblance of faith in your friendship, and maybe, maybe she’ll back you-

“He’s a music major, it’s probably just angsty lyrics, now open!”

“Yes!” Irene and Mingyu gloat, and despite wanting to respect his privacy, you scoot closer to Mingyu (he scoffs at you, but does not mention it further, as he is itching with curiosity). With a solemn, heaved sigh, as if about to unfurl the world’s grandest mysteries, Mingyu’s large hand flips the book open.

There’s no justified way to put word to the shock that follows this. The first page reads:

“Girl Code Rule #1

Guys should bring flowers on the first date. Either lilies, roses or tulips. Depends on vibe.”

There’s a confused silence - as much as silence as you can get from a bass-boosted room of drunk college students.

“What?” Irene quacks in disappointment, leaning closer to read it again. “Why-.. Go to the next page.” And Mingyu does, turning over the page and the next couple of pages follow suit.

“Girl Code Rule #2

Whoever offered the date pays for dinner. First date should always be dinner, ‘none of the bowling crap’.

Girl Code Rule #3

Guys are more attractive the more hygienic they are.

Girl Code Rule #4

It’s an ick to wear skinny jeans. *Google what an ick is.”

They come one after another, each more confusing than the last, and it’s not until number 5, that the heavy, suffocating spread of realization begins blooming among you. Clarity - your minds open like leaves of a flower in spring.

“Girl Code Rule #5

The cinema on Attacca street is a nightmare and we hate them. Never go there.”

“That’s-” you begin.

“Us!” Yeri finishes, pointing her finger at the page but directing her eyes, wide and pupils small from shock, towards you. The group exchange gaping glances. It’s undeniable - the cinema thing is relating to an incident that had happened months prior. You refuse to go into detail, but it had gotten grim.

“These are all things we’ve said!” Seulgi snatches the book out of Mingyu’s hold, beginning to mindlessly scroll through the book with furrowed brows, etch growing deeper and deeper in outrage.

“That’s- This is crazy. That’s so not cool!” You shriek and Yeri nods in agreement: “Girl code is for girls only!”

There’s a general agreement on the outrageousness of this. That is, except for one big boy on the couch.

“I meaaaan,” Mingyu is looking a little sheepish sitting in the middle of you and Yeri and Seulgi and Irene. All eyes flit towards him, small and sharp. He’s talking slowly, lowly and carefully: “You guys have to have said it out loud while he was there, so you weren’t exactly being discreet…”

“Men don’t usually listen to women, we thought we were in the clear!” Irene hisses.

“No man has ever listened to me in my entire life,” Seulgi deadpans, looking at Mingyu from beyond the book. Mingyu throws his hands out, incidentally hitting Yeri in the face, and ignoring her pained groans when she falls back on the couch. “I listened. Just now. Check that off your list-”

“Why is he writing this down..?” You mumble, seemingly the only one grasping the gravity of the situation (although maybe there is none? You can never tell when it’s with him) and it truly is such a mystery. Was he attempting to pry open the minds of women? You don’t exactly think he has trouble finding dates, so you’re left a little at a loss.

“Let’s ask him-” Mingu says.

“He just left, dumbass,” Irene spits and you can tell she’s almost disgusted with herself for ever siding with him.

“Let’s ask him tomorrow, then, after class,” you say decidedly.

“Ugh, don’t talk about tomorrow..” Yeri groans, and you can see the regret settling in because why do all the hot guys throw weeknight parties? “Y/n, can we go home?” she asks and you’re nodding immediately.

“Seul?”

“Yep.”

And in the span of just a couple of seconds, your entire friend group is packing up, Seulgi stuffing the book into her tote bag. Mingyu’s still sitting, much smaller when you’re standing over him, and when he has that almost starstruck look on his face. “I’m so glad I’m a part of this, guys.”

“You’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” Mingyu counters, clearly thinking otherwise. He’s grinning stupidly. “Hey, wait, where are we confronting him tomorrow?” he calls out suddenly, but you’re already on your way out.

“GUYS! WHERE ARE WE MEETING?” _____________________________

You, Yeri, Seulgi, and Irene sit side by side on the middle-back row in class, eyeing Jihoon from the peaks. It’s a quiet, morning class, and the teacher rambles on while the four of you glare down at him. Or at least they glare. You hope it’s not noticeable how there’s something softer in your eyes - something almost tender. He’s fidgeting a little. Maybe he feels the pairs of eyes on the back of his black-buried head or maybe he’s noticed the book is gone and he feels the consequences coming.

It was certainly a strange situation to tackle. Mingyu did have a point, if it was a private conversation, you certainly had not discussed it as such. And even then, was there a crime in what he was doing? You just couldn’t understand how Jihoon possibly felt the need to garner all this information on women. He’d never had trouble picking up girls. You would know.

You shake the terrible, terrible thought away, when Irene speaks up: “The coward is all nervous.”

“Okay, let’s calm down. We can’t know he’s an evildoer, before we find out his true intentions.” Seulgi reasons, a hand soothing over Irene’s arm. Yeri nods softly. “God, I wish class was over.”

And suddenly it was. Well, twenty more minutes of suffering through a class that was totally lost, picked up by the pollen-saturated wind. Then the professor is excusing himself and wiping the board.

Never in your life had your group been so fast at packing up their things, pencils and computers shoved down bags, before you’re strutting (model-walking) over to Jihoon. “We need to talk to you,” Yeri says, once she’s in front of his desk, hand on the wood. Jihoon looks up from where he’s packing his bag, eyes peeking through the thick strands of hair. He nods. He knows.

As you wait for students to exit the class (Minghao giving Jihoon a confused grimace, before he squeezes out), you study Jihoon. He’s still sitting, and you’re all towering over him. His pale skin is glowing in the light and he purses his lip and bounces his leg - God, his thick leg - in nervous await.

Students are slipping out the door in droves and when the last, tired body escapes, Seulgi reaches into her bag and pulls out the leather-bound book. “We read it.”

“I figured,” he mutters. He’s avoiding your eyes, flinching a little when Irene slams her hand onto the book. “So, why have you been writing down the girl code?”

Jihoon sighs. His lips make a tight line, and you can see how he wonders what to say. The pause would’ve been more tense had you not had the girls with you.

“The girl code is for girls only,” Yeri supplies.

“Well, you weren’t exactly being discreet about it-”

“Just answer the question, Jihoon!” Seulgi snaps, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is, like, top-level strange.”

“Alright!” Jihoon throws his hands up in the air. His eyes flit to you, totally quiet and scratching your nails on the wooden table. You look away. He sighs a little. “I… It’s..”

You almost want to hug him when he buries his face in his hands, tugging at the ends of his hair.

“You can’t tell anyone.”

The four of you exchange glances.

“We won’t.”

He pauses.

“It’s.. IhaveacrushonthisgirlandIdon’twanttomessitup.”

There’s a beat, where the information glides cooly into your skulls and you begin to process. Jihoon - cold, cynical, loner Jihoon - has a crush on a girl and is trying to improve himself for her?

Holy hell.

“Jihoon!” cries Seulgi and Irene chimes in, equally as adoring and diffused: “That’s so cute, you should’ve just said something!”

There’s an uproar of coos and cries and oohs and ahhs and compliments being thrown at Jihoon and he just sits there, cheeks blazing bright red, although with a little, shy smile on his lips.

And then there’s you. It’s so dumb. Why can’t you help the slight disappointment that lowers on you, like the fog does in the blooming season? Why can’t you smile wider, happier for Jihoon? Why do you feel this way? Does it really take all this commotion for you to realize how much you want him? You half-smile and look at your shoes. Just as how your feelings blossomed like a flower in spring, you hope they, too, are destined to wither away once more.

“Congratulations,” you say to him, giving him a dignified nod. Jihoon looks at you for a moment, before he smiles tightly and thanks you.

“Jihoon!” Yeri says, and you know you’re about to hate her for what comes next: “We can totally help you with the crush!”

Jihoon’s eyes widen. “Really? I mean- you guys don’t have to-”

“No, no! You can come to our girls’ nights and we can tell you everything!” Irene cuts in, nodding in reassurance. Jihoon smiles to himself a little sheepishly.

“Who is it?” Seulgi asks, and you can tell her heart is triple its usual size.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Come on!” Seulgi begs, but Jihoon is steadfast. He gives her cheeky smile and shakes his head again. “No way. It’s my secret.”

“We can keep a secret!” Yeri begs, bending her knees in plea. You, unusually quiet, speak up again: “We can.”

There’s a pause while Jihoon looks at you again. He narrows his eyes and it’s almost like he’s trying to decode you. Maybe he’s noticed you’re just as quiet as he was, at that party. You hate yourself when your heart picks up at the thought of him caring about you.

Suddenly he’s snapping out of it and smiling and shaking his ruffled head of hair again. “No. If girl code was supposed to be a secret, then I don’t even wanna think about telling you.”

This time there’s no talkback, only somewhat embarrassed nods.

“We deserve that.” _____________________________

You come back to your dorm room that afternoon, and lie down in bed. Thoughts of Jihoon plague your mind and you feel disease-ridden, attempting to push away the thought with the same useless reminder: You should do your paper, gotta do your paper now, it’s due very soon…

But no matter how many times you tell yourself, you can’t overcome the crushing feeling in your chest, like your entire rib cage is being compressed.

You know when these emotions started. It was at the Halloween party, six months ago, and Jihoon had been wearing a cop-outfit and you, with a more humorous approach, a lobster costume (Mingyu was a chef). Somehow, he’d still found you sexy though, because he was laughing in the bathroom of Seungcheol’s frat house, ripping the costume off of you.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna fuck a lobster,” he’d said in between kisses, laughing again as he caught sight of the costume, discarded on the floor. You giggled. “Me neither. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you know?”

And he’d thrown his head back, still with that black hair, still in that sexy fucking uniform, and his nose all scrunched and adam’s apple bopping in time with his joyful laughter. “Stop making me laugh while I’m trying to get you wet!”

“I’m already wet,” you’d shrugged, “you’re hot.”

And before you knew it you were handcuffed and he was rutting into you against the sink. His cock was disappearing and reappearing from your pussy, hooked onto him like a vice. Groaning and listening to your withheld moans, he’d left the most sinful hickies along your shining neck, while mumbling desperate praises to you: “You’re so pretty, N/n, letting me have you like this, so fucking hot.”

You supposed you’d buried those feelings, because you felt so pathetic for catching feelings from a one night stand.

And it is pathetic. And you are pathetic, and desperate, and alone, and God, is it even Jihoon, or is it the way it suddenly feels like no one wants you?

“Stop that,” Yeri says suddenly, lying on her bed on the opposite side of your room. You tilt your tired eyes towards her. “What?”

“I can hear you thinking. What’s up?” She said nonchalantly, dropping her phone, that she’d been mindlessly scrolling through. Cheeks bunched up on your pillow and mascara smudging under your eyes, you look at her and sigh.

“Just tired,” you hum. _____________________________

Jihoon has been adopted. For a whole week following that incident, suddenly, your friends are taking him with them everywhere, and your safe space is invaded by his hair, his laugh, and his subtle cologne. It’s him with you during movie nights, it’s him during girls’ nights, and it’s him while you’re getting ready for a bar-night, all sitting in Irene and Seulgi’s pink-tastic room, doing makeup on the floor and on the desks and on the bed.

“I love your eye makeup,” Seulgi says to Yeri (it’s a pink number with glittery inner corners), under eyes totally covered in white powder, as she’s baking her makeup. Jihoon is sitting on the floor, hair tied up in two pigtails that Irene had given him. “Thank you, Seul.”

You’re doing your own makeup, working blush into your cheeks and trying not to look at him, the way he’s half-lying on the carpeted floor, looking absentmindedly into his phone. His thighs are huge, and he’s wearing gray sweatpants, and you think you’re going insane.

Irene (who’s done with her makeup before anyone else, always) looks up from her own phone. She narrows her eyes deviously. “Jihoon, what do you think of Yeri’s makeup?”

Jihoon snaps his head up, pigtails bouncing. “Uh,” he looks a little lost, when he turns his head over to Yeri, who smiles sheepishly, not totally understanding what was happening. “It’s nice.”

“Just nice?” Irene smirks, and Jihoon finally seems to catch on to the fact that this is some sort of test. Indeed it was, and you knew it from the moment Irene began to talk. Your eyes flit between them, sitting behind you in the mirror. “Can you elaborate on that?” Irene smirks.

“It’s…” Jihoon considers what to respond, almost nervous. “She looks better without makeup.”

“Son, no!”

“Never!”

“Absolutely not!”

It’s a cacophony from the girls, even a pillow is thrown at his head, which he dodges in shock. “Never say that to a girl, Jihoon! It’s rude!” Irene lectures, a finger pointedly thrown in his direction. When he doesn’t seem to get it, Yeri explains: “Imagine spending time on something, only for someone to say they’d wish you hadn’t done it all.”

Jihoon, who’s been bristling like a disturbed cat up until now, softens in understanding. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, our child, you’re learning,” Irene says, face turning back to her phone, as she apparently has lost interest in the conversation.

You watch quietly with a bemused smile, having paused your ministrations on your face, brush held in the air before you. Jihoon’s eyes flicker over to you, an unreadable expression on his face. You meet his eyes in the mirror, pitch black and blank. You look away quickly.

You can feel him, still looking at you, and you feel self-conscious at the way you crooken your back to better focus on your face. What’s he thinking? That you look ugly? That your back is ugly? Your makeup?

“Are you okay, Y/n?”

You freeze. His voice is soft as ever, and you understand now, better than ever, why he’s a music major, because it’s so melodious and sweet in your ears. All eyes in the room snap to you and you eye them all in the mirror. “Yep.”

Yeri sighs, exasperated. “She’s been depresso for, like, a week.”

“I’ve been fine,” you correct, smudging out the pencil on your lid. “I’ve been fineeee,” Yeri mocks, making her voice nasally and high. You glare at her through the mirror, but all she does is stick her tongue out at you.

“I’m just stressed out, okay? I've got a lot on my plate,” you mumble bitterly, and it’s true, because every time you’re trying to do assignments, papers, write notes and focus in class, you think of him, and how he doesn’t want you. And one wrong thing leads to another, and then you’re thinking about how no one wants you, and you haven’t had a boyfriend since you entered college. And then it’s something about how you look, or it’s something about how you are, as a person, and you just sit at your desk with this terrible feeling in you gut, trying not to cry, or hoping that your sniffles don’t overpower Replay by Shinee blasting in Yeri’s headphones, as she’s eating crackers in bed, just a few feet away from you.

“Just talk to us if you need anything, okay?” Seulgi frowns and you smile at her, hoping it looks convincing. She nods at you, turning back to her handheld mirror. But alas one person stays staring at you. You avoid his eyes, trying not to look like you’re about to cry.

“I can arrange a spa day? We can get our toes done,” Irene asks, and she wiggles her toes in the air for emphasis. “Ooo, yes!” Yeri exclaims.

Finally, Jihoon’s attention is ripped from you, wincing at the thought of another person handling his feet. “Can I skip out on that, maybe?”

Irene scratches her chin, pretending to think about it. Then she says, bluntly and directly: “Nah.”

_____________________________

“Let me come with you to the spa!”

“No! Jihoon, walk faster,” like a mother, Seulgi is grabbing Jihoon’s wrist and dragging him further from the tall, huge man behind you. Mingyu is following you all like a dog, whining and crying, and pouting. “Please, guys! I don’t wanna go with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, they’re mean!”

“Spa day is for girls only!” Yeri yells over her shoulder, as the five of you stumble away from Mingyu, crying out to you. “What about him?” Mingyu yells and points.

“Don’t listen to him, sweetie,” Seulgi tells Jihoon and he nods very seriously. “He’s our adopted son! Now shoo!”

Finally Mingyu gives up the chase, and you disappear behind the outerwall, beginning down a busy street towards Irene’s favorite spa. “I don’t get how you’re friends with that guy,” Irene says, elbowing you, and you both snicker. “He’s a pup,” you shrug.

The streets are filled with people, the sun is shining, and it’s spring, and everything should be great, because you’re with your friends. But he’s here too. Swallowed up by his hoodie, pitch black in a sea of colors, he’s still here and his very presence has you tense, and yearning for the touch of a masseuse. The streets that had grown so familiar, that you thought you had learnt and mastered, had become so foreign, and you’re trying to escape into yourself, trying to find a backdoor out of the constant blabbering, teaching Jihoon the importance of gossip and female communication and companionship. These are your friends. The sadness eventually musters into frustration.

Soon enough, you’re sighing so hard you think your soul escapes with it through your mouth. A spa-worker begins massaging your feet, and working her thumbs into your sore soles. Irene laughs at your reaction, two seats over. “Told you all you needed was a spa day!” she beams. Yeah, a spa day and maybe a new friend group that wouldn’t adopt the guy who you should certainly not be around!

And speaking of him, he’s sitting in the chair right next to yours, grimacing and flinching back from the disdained worker.

“What are you gonna tell her?” Yeri quips, smiling at the end of the row. Jihoon takes a second to snap out of his constant flinching, looking over at her nervously. “Oh, uh…”

The girls are all looking at him expectantly, but you’re squeezing your eyes shut and wishing your ears could shut too.

“Probably, like.. ‘Hey, I like you, would you maybe wanna go out on a date sometime?”

“Pssh!”

“Absolutely not!”

“As if!”

Jihoon is a little flabbergasted.

“Here’s what you’re actually gonna say,” Seulgi leans over in her chair towards him, directing him with a finger in her armrest. You hear Jihoon scramble in his chair, and you know he’s taking out that stupid notebook again.

Seulgi lowers her voice to mimic his, when she talks again: “‘Hi, crush, how are you?’ Wait for her response… Then: ‘I’ve always thought you were very beautiful. Your very presence takes my breath away. I would like to take you on a date, would that be okay with you?’ And be suave about it.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.”

Yeri and Irene burst into laughter, hitting the armrests of their chairs and covering their bright smiles with their hands. Even you snort in amusement. “What?!” Seulgi exclaims, outraged. “What’s so funny about that?”

“Nothing, I just-...” Irene wafts herself, trying to ease away that tears of glee that spring in her eyes. “I can’t imagine any man, let alone our son, saying that to a woman.. Wow.”

“It’s good! I would be flattered,” Seulgi defends herself viciously. Yeri snorts from her seat: “It’s not a drama, Seul!”

“Well!” Seulgi scoffs, twisting her upper body to face Yeri now. “Maybe I would like my life to be a drama, thank you very much!”

Their argument continues viciously, insults and laughter being thrown at each other left and right and you can almost begin to tune them own, letting the feeling of pads on your feet and a gentle, cool brush on the nail lure you to sleep.

Then there’s a hand on your forearm. You peek an eye open and see him - God, it just has to be him - leaning over his chair to gently grasp you. He looks at you through lashes, and he’s so sincere that it kills you when he says: “I can tell you’re not okay.”

You’re a little taken aback, one second prior you were being lulled to sleep and now he’s talking to you, so low, so seriously, while the girls try to attack each other behind him. You wish your heart isn’t suddenly galloping, and you wish his warmth on your arm and radiating onto you isn’t so nauseating. “I-”

“Don't say you are, when you're not. You’re very obvious, you know?” he hums, smiling softly when he sees you flush from his intense gaze. You avert your eyes nervously. “Uhm. I just.. I don’t really want to talk about it, Hoon.”

You flick your eyes back up to his to survey his reaction. His expression softens at the nickname, and he holds your gaze for a moment longer, before he nods in understanding, all the warmth of his closeness disappearing, when he sits back down in his seat.

“That’s okay,” he smiles at you in reassurance, and your heart leaps, and you can’t help but think that he doesn’t need anymore training to make his crush - whoever the lucky girl is - completely and totally happy for several lifetimes.

He’s a beautiful, sun-beamed flower, where he sits, light flitting through the store-front windows. You’d be happy for several lifetimes. If only he wanted you. _____________________________

“What is going on?!”

It’s Mingyu, and he’s somehow found you, as you’re trudging out of your latest class, suddenly hot on your trail and outraged about something or other. “What?” you mumble, heading to the cafe near the end of the hall.

“With Jihoon?! Why does he get to be your son when I don’t?!” Mingyu wafts his arms and pouts and you cringe, leaning away from his loud voice. “Ugh…”

“I need to know why he was writing that girl code stuff, Y/n. Why is he suddenly allowed at girls’ nights, when I’ve been trying to get in for months?!”

You take a turn into the cafe and sigh at how crowded it is, immediately placing yourself in line, Mingyu right behind you. “Calm down,” you say, just wanting a sandwich and maybe some peace and qui-

“I will not!” he snaps back, brows furrowed and a determined look on his face. You look up at him, pursing your lips in thought. Did Mingyu deserve to know? Maybe. He had been trying to get into girls’ nights forever, always going on about being ‘an honorary member’.

“I’m not sure I can tell you- Hey, can I get a tuna sandwich, please?” You say, quickly turned to the clerk behind the counter. “I won’t tell anyone, pleaseee- Can you get me one of those too? Thanks.”

You’re handed your sandwiches, and you hold both of them, drifting over to a table by the window, both of Mingyu’s hands on your shoulders and his voice in your ear: “Please, please, please, pretty please with the sugar on top?”

You plop down in your seat, simply exasperated, and hand him his sandwich. He’s settling himself down when you answer: “Okay.”

“Yes!” Mingyu fists the air in victory, mumbling self-assured under his breath: “Begging always works.” You snort and take a big bite of your sandwich.

“Stop eating and tell me!” he whines. “I’m hungry– Hey!”

Mingyu snatches the sandwich right out of your hands and grins at you deviously, dancing with it. You hate him. You hate him, but it is a little endearing.

“Jihoon has a crush on some girl and he’s been writing down the girl code in an attempt to understand women,” you deadpan, and when Mingyu’s mouth and guard drops, you snatch your sandwich back and begin gulping down hungrily.

“Are you shitting me?!” You shake your head.

“So, that's why he's allowed at girls’ night?” You nod your head.

“So, that’s why you’ve been so down?” You almost choke on your food.

“What?”

“Because you like him,” Mingyu says seriously and, with a totally stunned look on your face, you shark down the bits of sandwich in your mouth painfully. “How do you know that?!” you cry, head suddenly snapping in seventy different directions, relief washing over you, when none of your or Jihoon’s friends are around.

“Because you’ve been acting all weird around him since you fucked at Seungcheol’s Halloween party,” Mingyu shrugs. You wave your arms wildly.

“How do you know that?!” Whining, you throw yourself back in your seat, and bury your head in your hands. This couldn’t be happening. Your delicate secret, the one that could have - should have - simply faded away into summer, was now out and open, and you look out the window, and it’s spring.

“I know everything,” Mingu says ominously, giggling evilly.

“Mingyu, I will fucking kill you.”

“Fine! I needed to pee and you guys were super loud,” Mingyu pouts and takes a bite of his own sandwich. “No need to be so rude.”

“I can’t believe you know,” you groan, head collapsing on the table. Mingyu, forever and always silly, finally softens and frowns. You’re scattered.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” you say. Then, a moment later (in true Girl Code fashion) you’re lifting your head from the table and burying it in your hands: “I just. I don’t know, Mingyu. I feel so pathetic for liking him after a one night stand! And now he’s doing all this for another woman and he’s with us all the time…I haven’t had a boyfriend in college, Mingyu. I just feel so…” There’s a pause, when you’re trying to find the right word, and Mingyu stops breathing, looking at you and fearing the worst. Then comes the word, ripping itself from your lips:

“Unlovable.”

Mingyu’s frown deepens. Big, puppy Mingyu who’s always silly and happy, just slumps in on himself. “You’re not unlovable,” he mumbles, sounding genuinely disbelieving. You scoff.

“Thanks, Mingyu, it’s just.. That’s how it feels,” you admit, running a hand through your hair and looking at your half-eaten sandwich on the table. Mingyu’s quiet for a moment. When he speaks up again, he’s determined, and you can discern almost immediately that there’s no escaping this plan. Or he’ll for God’s sake start begging again.

“I’m going to wingman you,” he’s nodding to himself, and you can see the plan falling into place in his head, “I’m gonna wingman you and set you up with my friend at the party on Saturday!”

“Please, don’t,” you groan half-heartedly, but a piece of you brightens with hope, with summer, like maybe this was the thing you needed to get over your schoolgirl-crush on Jihoon.

“No,” Mingyu responds simply. “This is happening.” _____________________________

Indeed, it is happening.

The frat house is practically bumping with each beat of whatever pop song is playing over the speakers, and you lean into the rhythm that reverberates in the kitchen table beneath your fingers.

You somewhat wish that you hadn’t been as excited for this as you were, that you hadn’t spent hours picking out the perfect pink dress and doing your makeup, and that you aren’t hopelessly dependant on Mingyu (of all people) to find you a fuck. But you are. Putting on that dress and hoop earrings and doing your hair and declining Yeri’s invitation to the girls’ (and Jihoon’s) pre-party, you feel like you’re scrambling, like constantly falling through the air, flailing for something to ground yourself on.

Now, scanning over the tinted lights and the dancing people and feeling the slight, warm buzz of vodka in your blood, you know you need this. And still, you combat that slight anxiety, the insecurity that you hadn’t felt in years - what if Mingyu couldn’t find a single guy that wanted you?

Mingyu doesn’t seem worried though.

“Okay! We just gotta figure out who to set you up with. Take your pick,” he places a hand on your shoulder, squeezing and gauging your reaction. Your brows furrow as you shrug. Somehow, even when half the guys are objectively hot, you can’t say you find yourself drawn to any of them. You don’t linger on the feeling, fearful that maybe you’ll realize all the things they’re missing, the things they’re falling short of, are just Jihoon’s traits. “I don’t know, man. I just-..”

Mingyu senses your struggle and elects to give you his excellent guidance. “Alright, well you could do Joshua?” He’s pointing somewhere in the crowd, and sure enough, you notice Joshua, majoring in communications or something like that. “He’s a star: total hottie, super smart, sweet and considerate, and-”

“And he fucked Yeri,” you deadpan, head lolling over to look at Mingyu disapprovingly. Mingyu’s mouth falls open: “What?!”

“Yeah, like, two months ago!” you argue, wafting your hands. Mingyu’s mouth stays open, and he’s seemingly totally appalled by this.

“What?! Okay- nevermind. How about him?” He points his long limbs again, and this time you notice-

You narrow your eyes confusedly. Hopefully Mingyu was not trying to set you up with the biggest player in your year? “Jeonghan?!”

“What? No, the guy beside him, dickwad,” he playfully smacks the side of your head as you refocus your eyes. Indeed, a blonde guy is standing next to Jeonghan, seemingly whining at him. “Who’s he?”

“Lee Chan. Super sweet, great bod, a little dumb, but very doting-”

“Is he a freshman?!” you cry, almost as if it were a crime. Mingyu huffs. “You’re not making this easy, you know?!”

“I’m not dating or fucking a freshman,” you cross your arms and Mingyu senses the air of finality in your words. He sighs, slumping behind you for a moment, before he spots something across the room.

“Wonwoo! What about him?” he doesn’t even bother pointing at this point, simply tilts your head towards the man, who was currently talking to Seungcheol a little ways from the kitchen. You spot him. You suppose you’d always been a little curious about Wonwoo. From what you’d seen of him in passing, he was sweet and polite, absolutely gorgeous and extremely smart. You nod solemnly.

“I could- I could see that,” you say and Mingyu’s eyes light up. He bounces victoriously, punching the air. “He’s great, you’re- you’re gonna love him,” Mingyu delights and before you can even get another word in, Mingyu’s yelling across the room: “Hey, Wonwoo! Wonwoo, scootch over here!”

Your eyes widen in shock. “Wha- we’re doing this now? Just, on the fly? No warning?”

“It’s fine,” Mingyu waves you off, eyes trained on where Wonwoo is now walking towards you.

“Do I look okay?” your voice is wavering nervously. You still can’t help how you feel, even in your dress and your makeup. Where had all your confidence gone? The confidence with which you’d literally fucked Jihoon in a lobster-costume? Even the thought of him stings. Mingyu’s confident facade falters for only a split second at the vulnerability in your tone. His gaze softens and he looks at you: “You look great, N/n. Calm down, Wonwoo’s super nice.”

“Hey, Gyu,” Wonwoo’s voice is cool, as he approaches Mingyu. Standing in front of you and Mingyu, he briefly scans you, then acknowledges you with a nod and a sweet smile. “Wonwoo, hey, you know, I was just wondering if you’ve already done the history paper?”

Wonwoo is unamused. “I’m not doing your paper again, Mingyu.”

“Oh well, shucks, that’s simply too bad,” Mingyu (poorly) feigns annoyance and defeat, before he’s grabbing your shoulder. “Anyway, Wonwoo, have you met my very good friend, Y/n?”

You fake a smile, hoping the absolute pain of the current interaction was not showing on your face. If you’d known Mingyu was this bad at wing-manning, you would’ve gladly put up with his begging instead. You want to crawl into a hole and die, because based on Wonwoo’s smug smile, he has a pretty good understanding of what’s happening.

“Whoops, look at the time!” Mingyu looks at his wrist. He is not wearing a watch. “Damn, I guess I gotta go and- and leave my two good friends alone with each other, such a shame, uh, anyway!” As he speaks he backs further and further from you, trying to ignore the glare in your eyes, before he’s bolting at his last word.

There’s an awkward silence as soon as Mingyu’s gone. You feel like an unshelled turtle. You purse your lips and stare at your heel-clad feet.

“So, Mingyu was trying to wingman you?” Wonwoo’s voice is deep and bemused. You look at him in horror, trying to think of a way to salvage the situation.

“Yeah,” your breathe, and he immediately begins laughing. “Sorry about that, he was- he was just trying to be helpful, although it’s hard to defend him right now.”

“He’s wingmanned me before, too,” Wonwoo muses and, thank God, this was actually a good thing. You find a balance on the common ground. “Really?” you grin, looking up at him.

“Yep,” Wonwoo admits, “safe to say I did not get my dick wet.”

You laugh hard, and it feels like a switch has flipped inside you, restarting your joy-generator, because you’re laughing and hitting Wonwoo’s arm, and he’s smiling because he’s just made a pretty girl laugh.

“He’s so bad!” you say when you’re done laughing. “Everytime!” Wonwoo drawls, “Everytime he pulls that shit and he’s never wearing a watch!”

You and Wonwoo laugh together, throwing (good-hearted) snarky comments about Mingyu around, and your cheeks are rosy and shining in the kitchen-light. Finally, party still bumpin’ and pumpin’ in the near distance, your laughter dies down and you’re both half-leaning against the counter. Wonwoo looks down at you with a smug smile.

“What?” you ask, growing insecure again under his gaze. He hums.

“So you asked for me?”

“Hm?”

“When Mingyu was wingmanning you,” Wonwoo reminded you, tilting his head. “You asked for me?”

“I-” you stutter, and your heart clenches nervously, because if things had been right, if things were different at least, you would have asked for Jihoon. It’s this gut-punching guilt. It feels wrong to use him, Wonwoo, to overcome Jihoon. “He was laying down my options.”

“Options?” Wonwoo quips, brow raised questioningly, but he doesn’t interrogate further. Instead, he leans his head down, so he’s much, much closer to you, breathing hitting your face when he whispers: “But you wanted to fuck me. Isn’t that right?”

You gulp. His presence is almost suffocating. Avoiding his eyes, you flicker them onto the dancefloor, where-

Where Jihoon is storming out of the house.

You squeeze your eyes shut - something Wonwoo thinks is out of embarrassment, from the question he’s just asked you - and try to refocus on Wonwoo. Try to ignore how the thoughts about Jihoon come bubbling in your head. It was probably something with his crush. You want to do nothing more than comfort him, hold him, steal away every bad thought he may ever have.

You open your eyes, hoping that somehow seeing Wonwoo’s face would fill you with a need for him - him, and not Jihoon - but seeing him in the low lighting only serves as a reminder that Wonwoo is not him.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Wonwoo. I gotta go. I’m really, really sorry-” you say suddenly, and immediately you’re scurrying towards the door. Wonwoo frowns, eyes following you in your path. “Did I- Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, you were hot!” you say absent-mindedly, before you’re disappearing into the entrance, and then further along, out the door.

Wonwoo stands alone at the counter, still somewhat leaned towards your ghost in front of him, and shakes his head in confusion. “What the fuck?” _____________________________

“Jihoon?”

You exit just in time to see him, stomping on the other side of the road, armless denim jacket wafting in the wind. It’s spring, just warm enough that you’re not freezing, but still cold enough that you curl your arms around yourself. Your hair blows gently. It smells distantly like flowers.

He turns around at your voice. When he does, you know your suspicions were right. He looks so defeated. His gorgeous long hair, that usually only makes you clench your thighs together, is limp and drags him downwards. His arms hang similarly at his sides, fists clenched at the bottom, causing veins to ripple along the forearms. He stands just below a street light, spot-lighted, as if on a stage.

“Leave me alone!” he yells out to you across the road, voice breaking halfway. This does nothing to dampen his demeanor - this tough front, this anger he suddenly carries. You still in the grass beside the road, looking at him pleadingly. He can’t hold your gaze.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Jihoon,” you begin, choosing your words carefully. “But I can just.. Support you. You don’t have to be alone right now.”

This almost seems to piss him off more, clenching his jaw, sharply defined by the harsh shadows, and steering his head away from you, like a sunflower following the sun in the sky. It hurts your heart. The way he almost seems angry with you. And yet again you’re made to feel pathetic for following him out here. Like you’re on your knees and he’s standing there in front of you, spitting on you. Why does it hurt so much? You almost wish you’d stayed with Wonwoo - that you’d followed him to his room and let him fuck you and pretended you weren’t thinking about him the entire time.

“Shouldn’t you go back inside?” he’s prickling with hostility. “You seemed like you were having a good time.”

“Jihoon,” you say breathlessly. “None of us is having a good time if you’re not.”

Whatever cog you unturned, whatever screw you unscrewed, Jihoon’s tightly wound posture unwinds, and he softens and withers before you, one hand clamping over his eyes. You take this as a sign to move towards him, heels clicking on the asphalt warning him of your advance. It’s deadly quiet, save for the heartbeat of the frat house behind you.

“I’m sorry,” he says, finally lowering his hand and looking at you. You smile sympathetically, relief flooding you, when he lets you gently place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

The two of you begin to walk in silence, and you recognize it as the path that leads back to the dormitory. It’s calm, steps becoming rhythmic and breeze easing your muscles with its cool touch. You study his face as it’s lit and unlit by the systemic presence of street lights. You’re able to put your own feelings aside for him, to be a martyr, and to sacrifice yourself to comfort him. It feels like cutting your own throat to talk to him about another woman, a woman he loves, truly, but you know it must be done.

“So,” you muster finally. “What happened in there?”

He scoffs bitterly, looking at the pavement underneath his shoes. You frown. “Nothing happened.”

“Nothing?” you repeat, a little confused.

“I didn’t tell her.”

“Oh.”

You’re honestly not the best comforter, you realize, cringing and hoping you’re not making it worse by talking to him about it. You see the faint outline of the dormitory at the end of the street.

“Why not?” you quip quietly. His mouth makes a tight line. He breathes out shakily, and you fear you’re riling him up again by asking further.

“She was talking to some other guy,” Jihoon says, eyes flitting to yours before immediately ducking back to the pavement. You furrow your brows. Could it be you? That thought nurtures the spring garden in your stomach, the one you’d been trying to kill. But the insecurity that had come with it, and with him, only manages to squander that light.

“I’m sorry that happened,” you say softly, hand finding his arm, but he pulls it away from you immediately. Ouch.

“Yeah,” he chuckles without humor.

Finally, you decide to just shut up, to stop pushing him when he’s so vulnerable, but this time it’s Jihoon who doesn’t stop speaking. “You know,” he begins and again he’s laughing, but you can tell it’s only a cheap plaster for the pain in his voice, “I’d memorized that- that confession thing Seulgi made. And I followed all the- the style advice and the-” his voice breaks and he hisses at how pathetic it sounds. “Everything. I did everything,” he summarizes finally and when you look you see orbs of tears forming at his waterline, like the dew drops that sparkle on leaves in spring.

You don’t know what to say. It’s almost too hard to see him like this. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, but Jihoon shakes his head.

“Stop saying that,” his voice is harsher, groggier, thick and stained by the sobs in his throat. You pause your steps. You’re standing in the yard outside the dormitory now. Hundreds of windows become an audience to where you now stand before each other.

“Why?” you ask.

“Because-” he wipes the tears away aggressively, composing himself before he finally, finally looks at you. “Because you’re gonna make me think that you actually care.” His voice is suddenly laced with venom again. The hostility that you’d tamed returns and it’s so much stronger, more bitter. You’re taken aback.

“I-I do care? Why do you think I don’t care-”

“Oh, please, Y/n. You didn’t want me at your girls’ nights or at spa day or fucking whatever. You didn’t- You don’t care about my book or my crush or my-”

“I do care!” you interrupt, voice stern and much louder. “What, you think I follow you out of parties for fun? Because I don’t care about you? And yeah, maybe I didn’t want you at the girls’ nights, but what does that matter-”

“It matters because!–” he stops himself in his tracks, hand coming out to halt you. “Fuck it, wait here,” he orders, and suddenly he is trudging into the darkness of the courtyard. You stand still, flabbergasted, and thoroughly confused. It’s so dark you can’t even see what he’s doing, only hear him in the dirt, silhouette blending into the shadows. Then, he’s walking back to you and you finally see him.

There are flowers in his hands.

It’s a makeshift bouquet, held tightly in between his veiny, pale hands, consisting of flowers that grow in the courtyard, red, yellow and lilac. It’s a slow-burning realization as he stands himself before you, looking into your eyes with a sincerity that is laced with pain. You know this part of the girl code.

“Hi, Y/n, how are you?” he breathes, and his voice is shaking and he’s looking at you and practically begging you to play along - to indulge him, even if you would turn your back on him. You can hardly register anything but him and those flowers, because your surroundings, the moon, the stars, the shadows and the streets are overpowered by the blooming in your chest. A single flower unfurls the pedals of your heart until you are open before him. You meet his eyes.

“I’m good.”

He nods.

“I’ve always thought you were very beautiful,” it almost seems like it physically pains him to admit these breathless feelings. “Your very presence takes my breath away. I would like to take you on a date,” another pained, gulping pause. “Would that be okay with you?”

It’s as if time has stopped in this moment; how his chest rises and falls under his shirt, how his hair gently nuzzles his face, how his eyes blear out at you from underneath his bangs, how he glows in the moonlight, and how his hands shake around the stems of the flowers.

“Was I..” his voice is hoarse, “Was I suave about it?”

“Yes,” is all you can manage, because all those flowers that you had stomped into a half-death were coming alive again and this time it was more than welcome.

“Yes?”

“Yes, you can take me on a date,” you break into a wide smile and, upon realizing you probably look like an idiot, you lower your gaze and your warm, shining cheeks to the pavement. He gasps, and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever heard.

“But- you and Wonwoo-?”

“Do you wanna know why I was even talking to Wonwoo?” you ask, and when you meet his eyes again, he’s also smiling. You can’t help but reach out a hand to wrap around one of his, still frozen in holding the flowers. He quickly maneuvers the bouquet to the other hand and intertwines your fingers. Your heart soars. “Mingyu found out that I was sad because you had a crush on someone - I didn’t think it was me, you know? So he promised to wingman me at this party.”

“Son of a bitch,” Jihoon whispers, and you laugh, feeling so floaty and lovely. “Don’t call him that,” you say, but Jihoon only smiles cheekily, eyes matching the crescent moon in the sky above you.

“No, I meant me,” he says. He looks down at the flowers and frowns. “Is that why you were so quiet? On girls night?”

You nod and he sighs. “I’m such an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. You’re so sweet,” you say genuinely, and Jihoon nearly melts at how much you mean it. There’s something so wonderful about the way all the words, that he would never use to describe himself, float around your head and sparkle in your eyes in this moment, looking up at him.

Jihoon needs to kiss you. He’s not sure he’s ever needed anything as badly. He rips his free hand from yours only to place it tenderly against your cheek, pulling your face and your warmth into him, bouquet held out at his side to allow you snugly in his chest.

His lips are so soft and his nose nuzzles your own, plush hair tickling your forehead, and his huffed out breaths dance along your cheeks. Your lips mod perfectly, unlocking the shackles with which that earth-shattering yearning had held onto you. The world is anguish but will momentarily and suddenly be interrupted, cleaved apart with a sudden gash, by a planet-killer: love.

You truly don’t mean to make it heated, hell, you’d be content just kissing him forever, feeling how his tongue prods at your lips and meets your own, but his sculpted chest under your fingers draws out a pathetic moan. His eyebrows spring up and he pulls back to look at you. You blush under his gaze, fiddling with your dress.

“Holy fuck, that was so fucking hot,” he gasps, lips swollen from your insistent sucking on them, panting into the night air. You brighten at his compliment. “Inside. Now. To my room.”

“You know, girl code says to not have sex before on the third date,” you say smugly, unprepared when his free hand pushes you back into his chest, and his lips drag over half of your face, finding home at your ear. His voice is a growl: “Fuck. Girl code.”

He begins a somewhat dramatic march to the front door and you can’t help but run after him, taking his hand, and seeing how he smiles at that feeling. He looks so happy. Your heart skips a beat, because it’s you - you’re the one making him so happy.

And he’s so hot, it’s all you can think about as he drags you along the corridors, how nice his arms look in the sleeves denim, how pretty his hair is, his fucking face, and the chest you just barely felt under your fingertips. You’re watching doors pass in a monotonous routine, jittery and unable to wait for the one that might be his, for him to take you through it, and for you to bloom, totally and perfectly under him.

“Fucking finally,” he breathes, voice gruff and much lower than you’re used to when he stops at his door, fishing for his keys in his pocket. It enters the lock and with a click, everything you fantasized about is opening to you.

As soon as you’re inside, he’s kicking the door shut and pushing you against the wall, nails gripping into your dress, when he finally drops the makeshift bouquet on his nightstand. He cries out into your mouth at the way your chest bounces from the impact, immediately capturing your lips in his again.

You can’t help the way you’re tugging at his hair, trying to ground yourself in the feeling of him, when he shoves a thigh between your legs. You moan into his mouth, rutting into him, while his wandering hands pull your skirt up you to pool around your waist. He pulls back to look at you, how your hips cant into his strong, big thigh, and how your pink, lacey panties cling to your wet pussy.

“Off,” he mumbles, apparently having decided that the simple tugging of the fabric of your dress won’t be enough. You turn around in a daze, not even uttering a word, simply shoving the zipper at the back of it.

Jihoon groans, he has to, seeing the way you stick out your ass to him, while your hand lay flat on the wall. You shake your hips teasingly at him, and his hands float to your ass, petting it and squeezing it in his fingers, and biting his lips because it looks so fucking good and plump, and there’s a wet spot in your panties. He grabs your hips and rubs his dick into you. You gasp at the feeling, nails scratching against the wall.

“You make me so hard, baby,” he says breathlessly, unable to help himself humping against you, pre-cum spilling from his tip. “Shit,” he grunts, and you’re squeezing your eyes closed at the outline of his dick pressing into your pussy.

Finally Jihoon collects himself and his cold hands drag the zipper down. The top of your dress loosens and slides down your shoulders, where Jihoon aids you in slipping it off. His hands spin you around, finally taking a breath to marvel your bare chest in front of him.

You blush, suddenly so bashful, when just before you were wiggling your ass at him. You curl your arms over your chest, but Jihoon’s own come to stop them. “No, no, no, no,” he tuts, almost sad, “why are you doing that?”

You don’t answer immediately, but apparently it’s not a rhetorical question. His hands intertwine with yours to prevent you from covering yourself up. “Uh, I don’t know,” you stammer sheepishly, “I don’t wanna, like, kill the mood or any-”

“You’re not killing the mood, pretty,” Jihoon whispers so, so achingly sincere and your heart hurts.

“Sorry, it was just-”

“Don’t say sorry,” he lectures, interrupting again. He tilts his head and he looks at you with a flaming intensity. “Try again.”

You pause, flustered out of your mind.

“I-I’ve just been feeling a little insecure lately, I guess,” you say and you’re positive your face is beet-red, but if it is Jihoon says nothing, only pouts and releases one hand only to direct your eyes back to his with a hand on your chin.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n,” he says and even when you seek it out, you can’t find even the slightest hint of lying in his voice. “I want to show you, but I can’t do that if you cover up. Understand?”

You nod, lips breaking into a little smile, that his heart becomes hot like the spring-sunshine. “Okay,” you say and he smiles brightly, releasing your chin from between his fingers.

He guides you onto the bed, but it’s no longer heated and rushed, it’s so soft and gentle, and he pulls off your underwear only after you whisper in agreement, and then he lowers himself into it, again, only allowing himself the pleasure when you whisper a strained yes and nod vigorously.

He fully makes out with your pussy - his lips are wrapped around your clit, licking and sucking it, and fucking moaning into it, sending vibration straight to the coil in your stomach. You’re moaning so loud, broken cries bouncing off the walls, while your finger wrap into his hair and your legs thrash. His tongue flattens against your folds, then dips down to trail around your slit.

“Jihoon!” you cry, hips bucking into his mouth. He groans again, releasing your pussy with a soft pop. “Fuck, baby, keep saying my name like that.” And then his face disappears in your pussy again.

And you do, everytime his nips and gums on your sensitive folds, tongue trailing back up to your nub to fully envelop it. He sucks, hard. And you think you might cum the second you look at him, because the image of his full head of hair buried in between your legs and lapping like a starved man is so pornographic, your head spins.

He might go insane from just the taste of you, he realizes, because even when you cry that you’re cumming, and your legs shake around his head and your pussy is soaked with your cum, he can’t bring himself to pull away, strong arms wrapping around stomach to still you as you begin to wiggle from the feeling of his tongue just continuing to lap at you.

“Jihoon! Fuck, t-too much,” you whimper and the sound shoots straight to his cock. He finally pulls away, eyes still trained on your pretty cunt, and the way it clenches around nothing. “Clenching so hard, sweetheart, only for there to be nothing, shouldn’t we fix that?” he hums, leaning down to trail his finger through your folds, gathering your wetness on its tip.

You whimper uncertainly, when he crawls back over your body, hair tickling your face when hovers just above you and he shushes your pathetic squeaks. He pushes the wet finger into your mouth and you suck obediently. “Shh, baby, just taste yourself on my finger, how can you be insecure with a pussy like that, hm?”

You cry around his single digit, tongue sliding over it eagerly. He wants to fuck your face, the way your pretty, plump lips wrap around his finger, but he’ll save that for another time. “Shh, baby, I know. You’ll be stuffed full of cock soon, don’t worry,” he rasps soothingly, and slips his drenched finger from your mouth.

Finally, he rips the denim jacket off, white tee following soon after, and you’re left, mouth gaping, at the how toned his stomach is, how big his pecs are and how fucking thick his arms are at his side.

“You’re so fucking hoot, Hoonie,” you drawl, making grabby hands to urge him back to you. He smiles at those words, even gains a small dusting of pink on his cheeks, but he shakes his head. “Gotta get my pants off, baby.”

“Hurry up,” you grin playfully, and he scoffs at you from where he stands, pants and boxers coming off in one fell swoop. “So needy,” he mumbles to himself, but you can tell by the overjoyed expression on his face, that he’s enjoying this just as much as you are.

His cock is finally freed, and your eyes float to it, drinking in the sight of him. He’s so pretty and so red, and a single vein creeps up its curved surface towards the oozing head. You gulp, eyes sparkling.

“Wan’ it in my mouth,” you mumble, where you’re now half sitting up and glowing from your first orgasm. Jihoon looks at you and laughs, as he climbs on top of you again.

His face hovers over yours, finger carding through your hair tenderly. He looks in your eyes. “Yeah?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

He coos at you, eyes flickering to your lips for a moment, and you feel his cock twitch where it rests heavily on your stomach. “Not right now, pretty, I wanna fuck you.”

“You don’t have to cum-” you reason, mouth practically watering at the thought of having him in your mouth. He stops you though, hand still brushing through your hair, so delicately, as if you were a lily, or a rose, or a tulip.

“I’m not gonna be able to hold back if you look at me like that with my fucking cock in your mouth,” he whispers, and it’s so intimate, despite being so vulgar. How warm you both are, naked and holding onto each other and his dick is oozing onto your stomach and your pussy is leaking onto his sheets. “Like that,” Jihoon emphasizes, when you look up at him adoringly. You smile.

“Okay,” you say, a determined look on your face, “later then.”

He laughs. “Eager baby. Relax, you’re gonna get a pussy full of cock now, your mouth can wait.”

You wanna retort, say something snarky, anything, but you’re abruptly interrupted by the feeling of his cock pushing into you. You moan and your nails claw at his back, because it’s so big and so raw in your pussy, you feel that fucking vein dragging against your walls. “Shit, Hoonie. Fuck, fuck.”

He’s groaning too, hands on your waist and face in your neck. “So fucking tight, so pretty.”

You’re both panting when his cock is fully nestled inside you, sitting snug against your walls. You look up at him and he’s pretty, all flushed and lips swollen, and the sight makes you clench. He hisses, jerking abruptly, making the both of you moan.

“Fuck, baby, can’t just clench on me like tha-”

“Please, please, just fuck me now, can’t wait anymore!” you cry, clawing at him, nails raking over his flexed biceps, where he holds onto you. And he can’t help but fulfill your wish.

You honestly don’t know where he gets his stamina, because the second you’re done asking, he’s ramming into you so hard and so fast, your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open in a long whine. The whole bed is shaking from the impact, as his hips sheath and unsheath from your warm, welcoming pussy.

“God, you’re so fucking perfect,” he drawls, hands trailing up from your waist to your bouncing chest, thumbing over your nipples. “Bet Wonwoo wishes he got to see you like this, hm?”

The way your pussy has his cock in a chokehold, the way you’re lying beneath, it has him fully dazed, and now he babbles all that comes to mind. “Yeah, but you’re mine, princess. No one else gets to see you like this, no one else can have you crying like this for their cock, right?”

“N-No one else,” you whimper, sopping cunt clenching and unclenching around his dick. “That’s right,” he pants, humid breath on your cheek, “Say you’re mine, pretty girl, say you’re fucking mine.”

“A-ah, ‘m yours, Hoonie,” you cry and he thinks he might cum just like that, at your blissed face, glowing beneath him, and your pussy sucking him in, and you obeying him thoughtlessly.

“Good girl, good fucking girl,” he rewards you by dragging his hand down your stomach to rub your clit. Your whole body convulses into his, hands dragging over his big arms for support. “Come on, sweetheart, cum on my cock now.”

And you do, the tension in your stomach tightening beyond what you can take, before it finally unfurls, and it blooms, and it’s spring, and your squirting all over Jihoon’s abs, because God, he’s so fucking hot and he fucks you silly with his dumb, big muscles and his dumb, cute face.

The sight of your squirting, thrashing and shaking underneath him is all he needs. Jihoon shoots you full of his cum, making you feel so full and wet, before he finally halts his rutting hips, stilling on top of you.

You’re both panting. You’re sweating so much, your hair sticks to your forehead, and you’re gasping for air. Jihoon is still on top of you, holding himself up somehow, and licking at your neck appreciatively.

There’s a pause, where you’re basking in each other's warmth, and there’s so much love between you it’s almost suffocating. Then you're narrowing your eyes at the head of hair in your neck, growing suspicious.

“... Are you still hard?”

He laughs into your neck, peering up at you with a sheepish smile.

“Are you still open to that dick-sucking thing?” _____________________________

“So,” Yeri trails off.

You’re sitting in front of her, Seulgi and Irene at the campus cafe after a thorough round of congratulating you and Jihoon’s new relationship. They’d been both surprised and somehow not-at-all-surprised.

“He can’t come to girls night anymore,” Irene states the obvious, and immediately you, Seulgi and Yeri are nodding along.

“Thank God, I wasn’t the only one thinking that.”

“It just wouldn’t work,” you supply, agreeing.

There’s a pause. Seulgi pouts. “I can’t believe we don’t have a son anymore. They grow up so fast,” she says and she sounds genuinely sad about it.

You sigh a little, debating whether or not to play this card. Then you say: “I know someone who would like to be our son.”

“Oh, no..”

“Don’t say..”

“Yep,” you shrug, and then you hear him. Lumbering clumsily down the hall, like a galloping horse.

“I HEAR THERE’S A NEW POSITION OPEN DURING GIRLS NIGHTS!!!!! I MADE MUFFINS!!”

Mingu is running through the cafe, dodging stools and chairs like he’s on Ninja Warrior.

Irene frowns. “I guess he’ll do as our new son.”

“We can always kick him out if he gets too annoying,” Yeri shrugs, just in time for Mingyu to stand before your table with a fresh tray of muffins.

“Yes!” he cries with glee, voice incredibly high because he just can’t believe it.

“Begging always works!”

#svt smut #svt x reader #woozi smut #woozi angst #woozi fluff #woozi x reader #svt woozi x reader #lee jihoon x reader #jihoon x reader #jihoon smut #svt angst

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fanbynature · 1 month

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A post from Dani Howe, who recently left smosh after working in the marketing team

"From Pet to Threat" - This just happened to me AGAIN and after 10+ years in this biz, I’m sick of having to get over it in silence for fear of being blacklisted, or labeled as “difficult to work with” because I chose to be open about my working experience. I won’t go into details, as this isn’t meant to be that kind of post, but I want to share this research because the “Pet to Threat" phenomena keeps happening to me and so many of my peers, particularly over the last few years here in LA. It’s truly an abusive cycle that repeats for far too many people in the workplace, but especially and aggressively for Black women in the entertainment/media industry. So many of us work extremely hard from a place of love, peace and genuine passion for our crafts. We choose to put our prowess out there, hoping that it’ll be reciprocated with that same authenticity by our leadership/mentors/peers, only to be undermined and vehemently devalued in favor of this insistence for power and control at every turn. I’ll never understand the need to prioritize pettiness & ego over doing the right thing for another team member or putting the best, most collaborative work out there for your company. What’s the point of hiring an expert or someone with big potential, just to diminish them? I'm tired of entering spaces I was promised were full of golden potential and stability, only to have to abruptly leave that space a short while later, lest endure unsafe + toxic working dynamics if I choose to brave it. The feelings of shame, guilt and confusion that come after are all too familiar, and yet they never get any easier to deal with. Constantly being in an anxious place of trying to figure out what went wrong and changing my approach, while the world you left couldn’t even be bothered to think twice about you, feels like a losing game. Why even play anymore? I'm only left jobless with no prospects, broke, and burdened with heavy feelings of sadness that I feel really dumb for having. Because it’s just a job, right? And the house always wins.

Some of you might question why even share all of this. Well, I fully believe transparency is one of the best ways to educate and inspire those around you. By sharing this article and a bit about my experience, I hope others feel encouraged to choose themselves and stop letting lazy business practices suppress their potential. I have no idea what’s next for me - this post has probably tanked any chance of me continuing a career in entertainment marketing. But what I do know is that I’m not accepting being overlooked anymore. Not having my true potential nurtured or recognized because the mentors I believed in would rather act out of insecurity than help me thrive is total BS. I deserve better than that, and so do you. I hope today is the day you know your worth."

Im interested in who are they going to blame now. It was once Defy - but now that it's in the hands of the original creators and owners - the same mistakes seem to be popping up. Hmmm

Also if fans start villanizing her the way they did with Boze and Saige - 👊👊👊 i will find you and i will punch u in the fucking face

#also the fact that it's mainly women of colour that are leaving that place #recently #smosh #smoshblr #youtube #behind the scenes

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sweetestdesire · 4 months

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Hello lovely these are all very random I’m sorry

- the introducing his gf made me think, jack would introduce you to everyone as my brynn.

- Jack uses lots of emojis when he’s texting you BUT it’s the most random emojis he can think of, and often they don’t (or do in mysterious ways) relate to the actual message.

- Each Christmas jack buys you matching fuzzy socks, makes you wear them and then ends up discarding his because he gets too hot, only for them to yet again go cold and then try to warm his feet under your ass where you’re sitting on the couch.

- Jack keeps a lil list of all your favourite things, but after you’ve been together for a few months he stops paying attention to it bc he knows everything by heart now.

- Sometimes he likes to scroll through it though, because it reminds him of the very start of your relationship and how nervous he was to get everything right.

- He comes with you to hair appointments. Complains the entire time. Then ooh’s and ahh’s when you’re done and he’s making you do a little twirl.

- Jack gives me easily gets hangry vibes, but he always makes sure those moods doesn’t affect you, and when you give him a lil snack (bc obvi you know him by now) he gets the cutest little smile on his face.

- Jack slaps your ass (maybe your boobs too) and mutters ‘mine’ under his breath each time.

- When he’s on Roadies he sends goodmorning, goodnight, good mid afternoon, good dinner time, basically sends you texts throughout the entire day with the most random uses of good (like that one time he wrote ‘good I just saw a squirrel time).

- Oh also if he’s on Roadies, his teammates chirps him for peeing a lot, but really he’s sneaking off to talk to you.

- Sends you random flowers and has them delivered everywhere. Your apartment, your work, your gym (how he managed that is still a mystery), your parents house when you’re there, your friends houses when you’re there, etc.

- Knows he’s bad a communicating sometimes, so he leaves lots of love notes.

- Sometimes if you ask “how much do you love me” for fun or maybe because you’re a little insecure that day, he’ll ever be completly serious or a little goofy (more than there are skittles in the world) depending on what he thinks you need.

- when you tell him about your day at work he will always, without fail, listen intently and ask for more in depth info on something you say.

- If someone was mean to you (or gross) at work he’ll be so angry so quick and you almost have to nail him to the ground to get him from storming over and kicking that persons ass.

- Pda? You betcha. Everywhere, anytime, all the time. He wants to show you off, show that you’re his, and also he just can’t help himself when he’s close to you.

- A little inappropriate sometimes, tho, like when his hand wont leave your backside even tho his parents are right there.

- He loves and hates lake house time. Loves bc he has you in his favourite place for so long and he gets to relax with you and wake up with you every day. Hates bc there are people around all the time when really he just wants to walk around naked with you.

- Def asks for your bra strap as a bracelet.

- Pre game naps are sacred and the only times you guys do not do it is on roadies. Still then, you fall asleep on FaceTime with him.

Okay, so this is so fine. I’m totally okay. This is fine, and I’m not crying. Except that I am crying. I had such a shit day at work and have been waiting to cry all day, and this beautiful headcannon is what pushed me over the edge.

This is all I ever want in life. Jack is such boyfriend material and everyday would be an adventure with him. I’m absolutely going to be rereading this at least a hundred times. 🥺

#sobbing and clasping my hands to my heart over this #i love him with all my heart #jack hughes #answered 💌#my mutuals my loves 💗

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reverie-starlight · 1 year

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okay my personal obey me pact mark headcanons let’s go!!

Placement, size and other various things I can think up about them as I go :)

+ short thoughts on how the brothers would treat the marks if you were together.

General info on how I personally interpret the pact marks + what I think would be so cool about them:

I don’t think they’re always visible on your skin, at least not to humans without magic. And maybe the most you would be able to see on yourself (as the pact mark bearer) would be the faint outlines of them. They’d be clearly visible to demons and angels, and also faintly visible to witches and sorcerers like Solomon (and you could see his the same way).

When you actually use the pact on the brothers, the symbols would be clearly visible to you with black/brown-ish markings and they’d give off an aura that’s the colour of their respective demon (Lucifer’s would glow blue when used, Asmo’s pink, Belphie’s purple, etc).

They can either choose where to place them or just let them manifest naturally on your body, same with how big they’d want them to be. I have no idea what they would look like, but their symbols would definitely be in there somewhere. I don’t have a set way that I picture them in my mind tbh. I’ve seen some absolutely stunning art of other people’s interpretations though.

(please keep in mind that I’m only on lesson 23 currently, so if there’s something inconsistent with anything confirmed past that point I’m sorry! but I also did my research before writing this to make sure my ideas weren’t totally disproven by canon so I think it should be okay)

On to the brothers!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucifer:

Listen. His would be placed on your neck. With all that talk when he first agreed to form one about you not owning him through the pact but it actually being the other way around??? Tell me he wouldn’t. It’s vulnerable, of course someone who (at least in the beginning) claims to hold all the power would place it there?? I don’t think it’d be huge, it’d be subtle on the left side of your neck but enough for it to make things clear to anyone who tries to mess with you (and by default him as well). Not tiny, but definitely not as big as some of his other brothers’. He’s smug about his choice of placement for sure. Gets mildly annoyed if you happen to cover it up but would never show it.

…if you guys are dating, he would definitely take the opportunity to kiss it affectionately when you’re having a soft moment together or trace his finger along it to get a reaction out of you. Tease.

Mammon:

I’m a sucker for him so his is obviously going to be placed over the heart. Whether he did it intentionally or not is a mystery to both of you (you both know). Obviously he makes a big deal about being your first demon, so I think he’d want his pact mark to be somewhat big. Not so big that it’s covering that entire side of your chest, but if you spread your hand over your heart, it’s roughly that size. If you wear low cut shirts or tank tops it’d peak out a bit. At first he thought the placement was embarrassing but now he appreciates it, whether you’re together or not.

…if you ARE dating him, though, he’s going to admire it and trace over it when you’re lying in bed together and talking before calling it a night. Since he didn’t explicitly choose its placement, you like to tease him by saying it must have been a subconscious decision to place it in such a tender spot. Kisses the centre of the mark every morning when you wake up together and every night before bed without fail.

Levi:

I thought about a few different things for Levi because his sin is envy, so he’d definitely want it somewhere obvious to prove that he has that connection with you. His Henry, his best friend, this human that (eventually) means the world to him!! but he’s also incredibly insecure so I think he’d automatically feel like he doesn’t deserve to take up much of your skin with his mark, so it’d be on the smaller side. He would’ve made it tiny but when he saw how big mammon’s was and how it was already over your heart, he impulsively placed it on the back of your dominant hand, (OR opposite to the sorcerer’s society mark which I JUST learned was a thing lol) leading a little bit up your wrist. Not as big as Mammon’s or even Beel’s. Bigger than what he intended and feels so guilty about it. Still the smallest of any of them. You have to reassure him. It’s in a very obvious place, no demon or angel would be able to miss it, and unless you wear gloves all the time, it would never be covered up for long.

…if you guys are together, he enjoys holding your hand and just admiring the mark. also enjoys seeing it when you play games together and will definitely lift it up and inspect it every so often. Likes to watch it glow orange when you use it.

Satan:

He would place it on your wrist. Specifically the wrist of the hand without levi’s mark. no real reason for it, he just thought it would look cool going from your wrist and up your forearm. One of the bigger ones of the seven to spite Lucifer (hey- even if his reasons for making the pact wasn’t lucifer related anymore, you can bet the size of it was, even if he formed one before the oldest).

...if you’re dating him, he leaves a series of kisses up your arm over the mark when you’re reading together in the library. will mindlessly trace over it when he’s particularly stressed or needs to calm himself down. it gets to a point where you just offer him your wrist when you see he’s getting irritated and it works about 70% of the time.

Asmo:

Collarbone. Would have gone for the neck but decided to let it manifest itself at the last second. He said something along the lines of “it will be what it will be- it’d look perfect anywhere, truly.” Believe it or not, it’s one of the smallest marks. Not so tiny that you can barely see it, but not large either. Likes the size of it because “you have to get up close and personal to really appreciate it.”

...if you’re together, he’ll constantly want you to show it off. he’ll also make sure the skin in that area is especially taken care of. when he’s lying his head on your chest, he’d always make sure to lie on the side of his mark.

Beel:

When he made his pact with you, he definitely wasn’t too concerned with the placement or size of it. He let it manifest naturally and chuckled a bit when he realized it appeared on your stomach. It was smaller than Mammon’s, and bigger than Levi’s but still pretty noticeable, especially if you like to wear crop tops.

...if you’re dating beel, he’ll definitely rub over it when you’re cuddling in his room, digesting after a meal. he’s definitely more reserved than some of his brothers, but I do think he’d like it when it’s visible. lays his head on it in his sleep sometimes, nuzzles into it for sure.

Belphie:

Belphie is too lazy to choose a placement himself, so he also lets it manifest naturally. His mark would be on your right rib cage, slightly higher than and opposite of Beel’s. The smallest of the marks, which he is unhappy about now but was indifferent to before. Is absolutely fascinated with the pretty purple glow it gives off when you use it.

...if you’re dating him, he sleeps attached to that side of your body, hugging it and also nuzzling into it (which he denies when you tease him about it).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the last few aren’t the best but I genuinely couldn’t think of super different things for the twins and asmo aside from their placements :(

but other than that I’m really happy with how this turned out!! hope you enjoyed <3

#obey me shall we date #obey me pact marks #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me brothers #obey me x reader fluff #obey me fluff

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starlightandfairies · 6 months

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Daryl Dixon x plus!size reader: Daryl and the reader are friends (but the reader wishes they were more because she is in love with daryl) and the reader joins Daryl to find more people they run into a bad group and it ends terribly and the reader and Daryl end up in France when they get to the nuns she notices Isabelle getting a little to close to Daryl the reader is jealous of course but she is very good at hiding her emotions so when they find the pre school with the kids that are surviving there before the reader joined Daryl to help get some medication for the kids teacher the reader ask Daryl if there is anything going on between him and Isabelle Daryl said there is nothing going on and why did she ask the reader tells him to forget she said anything but Daryl won’t let it go so the reader tells Daryl about her feelings and that he doesn’t have to say it back because she thinks he doesn’t feel to same way she just rambles on about how she finds herself ugly and Daryl shuts her up by kissing her and telling her he feels the same way and to stop talking bad about her self when they are back on the road taking Laurent (where Ever he needs to be taken sorry forgot the place) Laurent is being stubborn and won't get on the carriage so the reader gets down to talk to him and tells him that the reason he needs to go with him is because he is special and he is the key to curing the zombies and she promises that she won't let anything happen to him and that she will protect him with her life Laurent looks up to the reader because she is very pretty and she is a total badass because she is a good fighter and she puts herself in danger first so the people she cares about won't get hurt and she is very fearless and she doesn't like seeing good people die.

Description: The reader is forced to confess her feelings for Daryl after having suspicions that he loved Isabelle.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, she/her pronouns, twd violence, mentions of injury, insecurities. Based on Daryl's tv show episode 2

*Requests are open, please send through as many requests as you want, check my character list and requesting rules.*

Thanks so much for giving this request!!! I had fun writing it!!!

Key: Y/N = Your Name, POV = Point of view

Word Count: 1623

Daryl and I had know each other for quite a fair few years. After the battle of the Commonwealth, Daryl and I decided to go looking for Rick and Michonne. However, we got fucked over by another fucked up group of people and ended up in the water. I lost track of the days, I have no clue how long we have both been in the water. I felt a slapping against my cheeks, groaning and rolled to my side as woke up to find Daryl hovering by my side.

After Daryl helped me up, I glanced around, knowing that we were not in America anymore. It was a matter of finding out where we were and what to do.

“Guess we aren’t in Kansas anymore.” Daryl shot me a look, I stuck my tongue out and gave a smile, sometimes it honestly felt like the best that I could to do.

“Can’t believe that after all this time you are quoting movies.”

“What can I say? It’s what you love about me.” God I wish it were true

After realising we were are in France; Daryl and I began searching for supplies to keep ourselves going for the night. Daryl found an French to English book to help with translations. After a little while longer, these two assholes screwed us over, tried robbing us after we killed two other men that tried attacking all of us.

A group of nuns brought us in, treated Daryl’s acid burn from the walkers, which I’m glad was treated. Then came Isabelle, I hate to say that it’s been 12 years since the world turned to shit and I still get jealous feelings. Isabelle was too close to Daryl, maybe she hadn’t had a nice man in her life for a while but her beauty and her pretty smile made me feel insecure of my own looks and inability to tell Daryl how I feel made me feel shittier than when I realised I’m going to die before the world is fixed.

All respect to the nuns; I understand why they did what they did but at the same time, after seeing it go wrong a thousand other times. Keeping a walker alive as a message or just the emotional trauma of losing that loved one is obviously horrible to go through but as soon as we realised that the father was a walker we left as soon as we could only to return and take Laurent, honestly a sweet little boy to safety.

Daryl and Isabelle were walking ahead, I stayed behind, kicking my feet in the dirt like an upset little kid and carried on as I drowned in my own feelings.

“What’s going on with you?” Daryl questioned, I glanced up, placed on one of my award winning smiles and shook my head.

“I’m all good. Honestly, I just want to get back to America.” Daryl nodded believing what I said, turning back to the front and it allowed me to wallow in my emotions again. I loved Daryl, he’s a good man, even if he doesn’t think he is a good man, he is a good man and I wish that he knew that more often.

Isabelle is gorgeous, more so than compared to me. I mean, I’ve got rolls, even during this shitstorm I’ve got all these skin problems still and I clearly have no confidence in my appearance, even if it doesn’t matter now. I thought the end of the world would mean less problems when it came to appearance and self esteem. But noooo, it still means the same shit goes through my mind like it did when I was dating in college.

I mean, I can handle the shitty groups that survive off of anarchy. I can handle them, because just a couple of hits to the head and boom not a problem anymore. But my insecurities, they kill me and I hate that I am not strong enough to deal with problems that shouldn’t matter anymore. Staring at what used to be a preschool made me want to cry, the place is being run by children and I wish that these children didn’t have to go through this horrible stuff and could be children in a decently safe world where they didn’t have to deal with no familiarity of what we grew up with.

“Hey, that teacher needs some medicine, want to come with?” I nodded, glad to finally be getting that one on one time with Daryl again. Walking in the silence became uncomfortable and noticing that Daryl was hanging out with Isabelle a lot I want getting curious to know about where he stood with her.

“So, Daryl… what’s going on with you and Isabelle?” Daryl shot me a look, as if I really just asked him about something that sounds so childish and like a teenager experience.

“There’s nothing going on between her and I. I’m just finding out what I can from her that can help us get back home… why?” There it was, that one little question that I wish wasn’t a word. I shrugged slightly, cringing internally as I realised my capabilities to hide my true emotions decided not to work today.

“No reason.” Fuck my voice is giving me away, all nervous and defensive. Daryl stopped in my tracks, he grabbed my arm, getting me to stop in my tracks. I couldn’t meet his eyes, I insecurely wrapped my arms around my body to cocoon into myself as I always did when I was feeling insecure.

“Don’t give me that crap. What’s going on?” I tried one more time, hoping that Daryl would give it a reason and not think to ask about it again. That was just wishful thinking.

“Please, just forget it!” I snapped, Daryl took a step back, shaking his head and grabbed ahold of both my arms gently. I took a shaky breathy, shaking my head and sniffled.

“What is going on?”

“I’m in love with you! Okay?” Daryl looked surprised by my outburst, I pushed myself out of his arms and began pacing around the tree covered area we were in.

“Me! Fat little me, I’m in love with you! And I know you won’t say it back because I know you don’t love me back because I am nowhere near as attractive as the girls I know you’d be with if the world was still normal.” I shook my head, keeping my eyes focused on the ground as my tears fell from eyes and I didn’t want Daryl to see me like this.

“I’m overweight, I’m ugly, I’ve got rolls and eczema. I’m an insecure little girl who hasn’t changed since high school. My acne scars make me look like I’m a fucking walker. I am ugly and I am not worth anyone’s love, not even in this world because I don’t have that kind of beauty. I am no pretty nor worth anyone’s love and I-“ Daryl grabbed my face in his hands, his lips being placed upon mine and I know it sounds incredibly cliche but it really felt like the world literally stop. Why was Daryl kissing me? I mean I was kissing him back and holy shit it was one of the greatest kisses I’ve ever experienced and I did not want it to stop. I honestly forgot the world we currently lived in is the way that it is but having Daryl actually kissing me until I needed to pull away for air made me feel like I was in a world of a book that I would’ve loved to read in the before.

“I love you. I love you more than I can even begin to say. I ain’t good with words. But you gotta stop talking down about yourself. You are gorgeous, you are exactly as you should be and I love you. I find you incredibly gorgeous and you have a heart of gold. You are not what that stupid little insecure voice inside your head says that you are. You understand me?” I nodded, smiling as he grinned at me and rested a kiss on my forehead.

After leaving the preschool, Laurent was angry with Isabelle and wouldn’t get in the carriage that we acquired. It was honestly a very useful invention that made life so much easier. I decided to get out of the carriage to talk to the kid and figure out a way to get him in the carriage.

“Listen Laurent. I understand that you’re upset and not feeling the greatest in regards to that you feel Isabelle is lying to and I won’t lie to you. Not about something like this. The reason why you need to go with us is that you could be the cure to helping understand a cure for these walkers. But I promise to you I will not allow you to be hurt, I will protect and you so will the rest of us. I will protect you until my very last breath, you’re one of us and we won’t let you get hurt. I promise you and if you feel that I break your promise then you can do whatever you want if it means you feel safe.”

“I look up to you. You’re… you’re this badass lady that knows how to fight and is a good person because you won’t let bad things happen. You are also very pretty.” I turned to see Daryl watching with a smile, he winked at me and nodded softly as I got Laurent into the carriage finally.

Daryl took my hand as I squeezed in beside him, resting a final kiss on my cheek before offering his shoulder for me to sleep on.

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soracities · 8 months

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Ur so eloquent and i love ur posts about the societal pressures associated w makeup!!!! 💗💗💗 u put everything I feel & think about into coherent words and I so appreciate that! Also I would like to hear ur thoughts on plastic surgery bcuz I am also annoyed. If I see that smug smiley little dickhead plastic surgeon tiktoker on my FYP one more time saying “ohhh my patients r beautiful. Anyway here are all the procedures I’m gonna do to alter their ethnic nor unique features and make them look totally different” I’m gonna scream. The patronising pseudo-kindness is almost worse than when he goes completely mask-off about exploiting insecurity - like the vid he made laughing w the caption “when a 20yr old says she’s doesn’t need Botox bcuz she’s gonna age gracefully.” I’ve spent a lot of time cultivating a healthy self-esteem & generally not defining myself by my appearance - yet even I felt a flicker of my old insecurity seeing that post. I block every post referencing plastic surgery and I STILL get them. It’s incessant & so insidious - esp for poc. My 13yr old cousin (who watches lots of tiktok) told me she’s saving up for a nose job and a BBL when she turns 18 and my heart fkn broke. No 13yr old shld even KNOW the term BBL.

I feel so much for your younger sister, anon, because whatever else I may have gone through with my own insecurities at 13 (and they were profound and absolutely did a number on me), I genuinely cannot begin to imagine what it's like to cope with all of that in the age of TikTok and IG and the added pressure of beauty influencers magnifying everything.

Honestly, my thoughts on cosmetic surgery are very complicated--I don't think it's something that's ever going to go away, and to be honest I'm not even sure if it's about that. I know people who've had cosmetic procedures done and I know it was something deeply important for them and I know how much happier and at ease they felt afterwards--I'm not going to judge or begrudge anyone that happiness because the reality is, as much as it would be amazing if we all loved and celebrated ourselves and each other, everyone's individual constellation of insecurities and worries is completely different and not everyone will be able to address them in the same way.

To live in a world where we are not defined and punished for our physical differences would be an incredible thing, but we don't live in that kind of world--and so learning to be at peace with yourself in the midst of the world we do have, learning to accept your body or any individual aspects of your appearance is incredibly difficult--and these difficulties are influenced even more by gender, or race, or the culture in which you live etc., or even just the people around you. Do I wish my friends could see what I see? Of course. But I also don't know what they see, or how deeply that runs, or the impact that has on them. Because I also know that, when it comes to myself, I don't see what they see, either. I've said before that I find prominent noses absolutely beautiful--but I know that I cannot impose this on someone who has had to live their life under constant comments about their nose (or any other feature), to the point where they feel that is all they are to people. I don't condemn people for the choices they make in this, but I do condemn the structures and societal expectations that force some people into certain choices in the first place by normalising this idea that there is a "correct" way to look (and I'm not immune to it either--I have a lot of profound insecurities that are incredibly difficult to get past).

It's very similar to how I view makeup in some respects because whatever choices people make when it comes to cosmetic procedures should feel like choices to them. But not all cosmetic procedures are made equally and my real issue with cosmetic surgery (and in my mind I distinguish it from plastic surgery because they are not the same to me), more than anything else, is when it becomes a tool for upholding and celebrating particular beauty standards that are deeply gendered, politicized and racialised while claiming it is "just" a matter of aesthetics, which is deeply, deeply insidious to me. "Aesthetics" have never been neutral. Even the language we use in talking about it isn't neautral: "fix", "adjust", "improve" etc. Improve according to whom? Why do they decide this? At the end of the day, no matter what you say about the golden ratio there is nothing wholly objective about beauty because human beings are not static Ideals; you cannot distill beauty into a mathematic formula like a conch shell because beauty is not something separate from the thing it occupies. These ideals work for Plato, but we are living, breathing, moving, exsiting in the here and now. A static image of a beautiful woman in a Vogue covershoot is just that: an image. And all the rules that govern that image fall apart the moment the model moves again, the moment she becomes a person again.

And besides, nothing can be "just" aesthetics in a world with the warped beauty standards that we have. There's nothing neutral about nose jobs in a society marred with as much anti-black racism and antisemitism as ours. There's nothing neutral about BBLs in a society that fetishizes black women's (and other woc) bodies as ours. There's nothing neutral about buccal fat removal in a society so plagued by thinness as not just a physical but also a moral ideal. I read a horrifying article on GQ a few months back about men undergoing cosmetic surgery to widen their jawlines so they appear more "manly"--and a surgeon in the article casually said one of these patients also "needed a rhinoplasty" which made me see red: nobody needs their face smashed open for the sake of an arbitrary standard whose very purpose (Beauty) requires the existence, and therefore manipulation and condemnation, of its opposite in order to appear valid. These beauty standards only have value so long as their opposites have no value--but these "opposites" are not disembodied traits: they are real human features that belong to real breathing human beings who have to live surrounded with this rhetoric for their entire lives. There's nothing neutral to me about looking at a human face and dissecting all of its features, ascribing values to some, and disparaging others, as though they exist as separate building blocks you can rearrange at will. In some instances, it skirts too close phrenology for me, and I'm not saying that lightly.

These are some of my thoughts but as I said, my views on this are very complicated and I have to be careful how I talk about some of it because there are some things that genuinely make me deeply angry. Again, I don't believe the solution is to get rid of cosmetic surgery, because I don't think that will ever really work and I think it misses the point--most people will always have something about themselves they'll want to change or just wish was different and for some people more than others they will want to make that change: and I would much rather people have access to legal, qualified, accountable medical professionals when they do. But in cases like your sister, in cases like that GQ article, in cases like that TikTok surgeon (I have no words, anon, truly...), or really just TikTok in general, in cases like ethnic rhinoplasty and eyelid surgery, the fact that the number of people getting Botox has grown since the increase in video calls and Zoom meetings....in all honesty at this point I am just tired and infuriated by our refusal to have an actual conversation about the society these procedures exist in and are normalised within and I'm especially tired when influencers and celebrities make a point of not being upfront about their own procedures. I don't care what people get done or why (as long as its a freely made choice for no one else's sake but yours), but I do care when we make it as acessible as these procedures are now, when they are tacitly (and in some cases outright) encouraged, and yet talking about them or admitting to having had that work done is somehow gauche and I am incredibly tired of it!

#it would break my heart too to hear my sisters talk like that anon truly....all the work you've done building your self-esteem verbalise it!#praise yourself and celebrate yourself as often as you can around your sister and maybe hopefully she can begin to see herself in your word #too. im not saying it will get rid of tiktok but maybe it will provide an important counterweight. and if you can maybe try talking to her #also about the nature of things online vs irl....i dont know but i deeply feel for you both and i hope some day your sister is able to see #herself beyond the reach of these things <3 #ask #anonymous

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azure-firecracker · 2 months

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ATLA Live Action Episode 5: Overall Thoughts.

I think this is an unpopular opinion but I didn’t mind that everyone got trapped in the Spirit World this time. This show tends to do better at crafting new material than adapting the original’s material, largely due to the fact that anything they do to that material will most likely pale in comparison. This isn’t to say I think they should rewrite the whole plot, but it’s cool when they get to explore a totally new thing. I like the spirit world as a setting, and I like the “creepy place that none of the characters know how to deal with” trope so that in itself did work for me. I saw people annoyed that Wan Shi Tong was there but I didn’t really care one way or another (with the exception of wondering what they’ll do if they get a Book 2 bc I love The Library). I also saw people annoyed that Aang knew who Hei Bai was right away, but to me that was required for this new plot so again, that didn’t bother me.

On Aang: this episode is where the show’s tone shift really got to me. I like that this show was more willing to delve into Aang’s trauma and how tragic his backstory was: while the original dealt with it well, it had limitations due to its being a kids show. This version had an opportunity to explore it more and I’m glad it did. But this episode was where I started to miss the levity of original Aang. It felt like every line was about his destiny, his guilt, his need to be a hero, etc. etc. And this is great in small doses but it can’t be Aang’s (or anyone’s) whole character. Aang needs to feel like a person beyond the backstory, and in this episode he didn’t (and I know it’s writing not acting because Gordon acted the hell out of those lines as usual). Aang being the only one who could resist the fog felt plot armor-y to me but it’s whatever. I liked the further development of Aang and Gyatso’s relationship, they’re very sweet, BUT this is the billionth instance of the show taking something important Katara did (in this case telling Aang he couldn’t have stopped the Air Nomad genocide) and giving it to a male character. They need to stop doing that.

Katara has gone back to doing nothing and having things happen to her but that was true for everyone this episode so I’ll let it slide THIS TIME! Her flashback was well-done (both Kiawentiio and whoever plays young Katara DELIVERED on the acting). The change of having her mother die explicitly because of her bending, while dark, has potential for really interesting exploration in the future, and also sets up some parallels with Aang if they want to explore that. There are also some rather problematic aspects of it relative to her arc as a whole (explained in this awesome post), but in isolation I think it works as a writing choice.

Sokka’s backstory was also well done and I liked that they laid the foundations for where his insecurities come from. I saw some people saying Hakoda would never say that, but I don’t think he was characterized thoroughly enough in the original to make that call. I also think that he’s a minor enough character that they can make those changes without much of a consequence. I do, however, think they needed to switch Sokka and Katara’s flashbacks in terms of order, because Katara’s is objectively way worse but having Sokka’s after it makes it feel like it’s not and it’s just weird.

Zuko didn’t do a lot this episode but Dallas Liu continues to be great.

Highlight of the episode was definitely the Azula scenes for me (and yes this is definitely influenced by my bias since she’s my favorite character). I wasn’t sure how I felt about her nearly burning the trainer because she’s not a RAAAH ANGER character and I didn’t want them to make her one, but I thought about it and realized it made sense if it was more of an “I’m practicing and I can’t stop” thing. I decided to interpret it that way and give it the benefit of the doubt. Of course I loved the “You’re perfect” “It’s not good enough” exchange. It’s an echo of Azula’s book 2 intro but with a younger Azula who’s with her friends and doesn’t have to wear the same masks and hasn’t beaten all the insecurities out of herself yet. I like that this show is allowing her to show so many emotions right off the bat. I loved Azula as a villain in Book 2 but it felt like the original didn’t decide they wanted her to be more than that until mid book 3. This show wants her to be more layered right off the bat, and as someone who always advocates for acknowledging Azula’s depth I really appreciate that. I also loved the shots of her training and just being so frustrated with herself during Gyatso’s final monologue. The narration suited her well and it was something I always pictured her doing when I imagined her life in between Zuko’s banishment and Book 2. It felt very in character.

My overall impression was that not a lot happened in this episode. Like, almost nothing happened. They introduced a cool new setting which I think worked. They used the lack of plot to do some good character work, with varying degrees of success. The flashbacks were good, but the show needs to do more thinking on how those events shaped the characters beyond just having them be their trauma. The main trio’s dynamic did improve a little bit in the spirit world. Sokka and Katara both got to be snarky which was great, but I do still feel like that dynamic is lacking and I can’t put my finger on why. I think it’s serious tone because every time the three of them are together they’re talking about some massive thing. They’re never just…together. I appreciated that this episode had some together time, even if only a little. Azula was by far the highlight (for me) I hope I like her future scenes just as much. And here’s a reminder that anyone who hates on Lizzy Yu for not looking exactly like a cartoon character is not welcome on this blog.

I’ll give this episode an 8.4/10 (elevated because of the Azula scenes).

#atla stream of consciousness #natla #netflix atla #atla live action #avatar the last airbender #atla #aang #gyatso #katara #sokka #zuko

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waspredteeth · 7 months

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using this site as a notes board to shop around my Bette Kane-Battle for the Cowl AU which I will now be lovingly regarding as the “Flamebird&Not-Robin in: the dangers of dead fathers, two (2) different spy organizations run by our evil-except-not-really-mothers, and somehow everything always is either a Wayne or a Kanes fault.”

Starting off this au with a general list of the characters in it and their roles as of Battle for the Cowl:

(((Edit: I changed the format to make this easier to read)))

Bette Kane - Flamebird

I’m throwing around the idea of her being a forensic scientist/or a pro-athlete

I hc her as being the same age as Dick i.e around 26

she’s back in Gotham bc Bruce died, stays in Gotham bc she sees the absolute mess it’s in & decides to help

even if it’s dubious if anyone really wants/needs her there

still an established LA hero with a public reputation so she’s not totally unknown to Gotham

finds Damian basically homeless in Gotham/breaking into places to stay and offers to take him in

he only accepts bc he knows she’s a Kane/related to his father

correctly regards Damian as an abused child / but doesn’t have the prior extensive knowledge or experience with the League to cloud her judgement on Talia or Damian (they’re equally both victims in her eyes)

while she is leagues more adjusted emotionally than the other Bats (she almost never interacts with Bruce outside of her childhood) - she’s still a lil traumatized and unhealthily copes regarding her parental situation and Kathy Kane

also has a little bit of trauma-related amnesia with a certain section of her childhood (that will come into play)

She does remember being Batgirl vaguely, very vaguely

Damian al Ghul-Wayne - not Robin in this au

at least not yet

he goes out on his own without a definite vigilante identity until later developments

came to Gotham to see Bruce after leaving Talia

Bruce is “dead” so Damian decides to wander Gotham on his own before Bette discovers him

tentatively stays with Bette bc they are related and he needs shelter

is secretly still insecure about Bruce (bc of how they last interacted) ((Batman#655-657)) /and whether or not Dick would have accepted him, as they haven't met before this au (Resurrection of Ras al Ghul is heavily altered)

tolerates Bette, Tom, and Rory’s friendly affection but will not hesitate to leave in the early months

is struggling with his place in the world bc Bruce is gone, Dick doesn’t know who he is, and Tim still hates him. So he’s not on the best terms with the main Bats.

Tom Bronson - Wildcat (the third)

If you don’t know who he is (I think only JSA fans know if his existence), he’s the third-ish Wildcat of the 2007 Justice Society, the estranged son of Ted Grant, following the long-ago death of Yolanda Montez and way-longer ago death of Jake Grant.

And yes, he is the one that transforms into an anthropomorphic black jaguar (he got it from his mom)

Ted will make an appearance and somehow I WILL bring Yolanda back from the dead/maybe even Jake too

Tom goes to Gotham to help his dad with the city shenanigans of BfTC

jury’s still out on whether I’m making him a love interest for Bette (my brain will make crack ships of the most random characters, don’t mind it)

decides to stay in Gotham even after his dad leaves bc the Bats really are stretched thin (in his opinion) (he’s used to the large size and scope of the JSA)

becomes a brother figure for Damian

accepts him as a annoying little brother in the sense of someone taking care of a stray kitten that bites your hand

lacks literally all experience with anything Batman related before going to Gotham / so he has Opinions about the family

is constantly anxious about Gotham (he is from Brooklyn) (someone pls tell him how this dysfunctional group of people manages to do anything at any point in time in This Fucking City)

a non-Bat POV into the insanity of Bat-events happening

what’s the League of Assassins? or Leviathan? Or Spyral? Or a Red Hood? Fuck if he knows

In my mind, Grant Emerson never died (he is happy and thriving OK) (fuck u Blackest Night) (he will make an appearance) (alongside Maxine)

Rory Regan - Ragman

our favorite underrated Jewish hero

originally from Gotham, I’m surprised he isn’t used more

for those not in the know : Ragman is a magical/mythical Jewish hero consisting of a costume made of rags which contain the countless souls of sinners who will eventually gain redemption within the rags if they help the current Ragman

Rory can use their strength, minds, and skills to help him as Ragman

Ragman (the suit) was canonically created to protect the Jewish population of Europe around the 1500s after the Golem of Prague was also made

Bruce makes an appearance in his 90s series actually / and Rory makes a cameo in a couple issues of O’Neil Batman

I’m planning on making him a more homegrown hero who tends to the homeless/poor/criminals that the Bats don’t get to- the whole “Tatterdemalion of the Justice” thing

is here bc we need another non-Bat pov of Gotham (he’s way more familiar with Gotham than Tom)

and I also like Gotham being more diverse in terms of vigilantes

bonus mentor for both Bette and Damian

he likes Bette bc shes 1. Jewish 2. a lighter hero than the other Bats 3. is a little easier to communicate with

he knows Damian is struggling and tries to support him in any way he can (as Rory also has daily struggles about his own morality bc of the Ragman suit/entity)

has been in Ragman in Gotham for about as long as Bruce has been Batman / he has seen some shit

The Ragman suit canonically slows the aging of the user, so Rory is older than he looks

he only just now started working with Oracle bc he understands the need for a semi-formal organization of Gotham heroes (he does appear in BfTC: The Network)

Kathy Webb-Kane - Agent 0/Headmistress

The leader of Spyral

not a child of a n*zi/ Otto Netz does not exist in this AU

still the first Batwoman

not romantically involved with Bruce bc ew

formerly married to Nathan Kane - the oldest Kane sibling of the little dynasty (Martha’s older brother)

after he died, she inherited what fortune he had that wasn’t taken by the Kanes

formerly Bette’s legal guardian/adopted mom after her dad died when she was 9

yes there will be mommy issues/familial conflict bc Spyral is an antagonist

conflicted about Bette bc she does still care for her, but she has a mission that she was committed too long before Bette was even born

clearly remembers being Batwoman

Spyral is still a spy organization connected to St. Hadrian’s Finishing School

currently targeting Talia/Leviathan, Damian, and Jason

also begins targeting Bette after she starts investigating in search of Kathy

Talia - Head of Leviathan

okay so. Resurrection of Ras al Ghul happens, but not the same way. Talia tries to go against Dusan on her own with Damian after learning of the body snatching plot

Inevitably, Ras comes back. He manipulates Talia and Damian into staying for a little longer. Things do not work out, and Talia deliberately sends Damian to Gotham bc Bruce isn’t dead (yet).

Bruce dies, and Talia loses hope in trusting any of the Bats to help her and Damian (she and Dick never got along, her relationship with Jason is strained)

So she creates Leviathan as a way to combat her father

BUT it’s not the same organization at all. It’s more of a spy organization with the direct purpose of taking down Ras/implementing a better version of his ecological agenda without as much murder and bloodshed.

Leviathan also is technically against Batman bc obviously Talia has never aligned completely with Bruce either. But she doesn’t purposefully try to kill him or Damian.

She’s a very conflicted character here, and she’ll show up in person to see Damian and learn of his status. As a mom, not a villain.

She’ll have a bigger part later on as Leviathan comes into conflict with Spyral.

Wants to take Damian back but is terrified that she’s not a good mother, that’s she’ll only make her precious son worse, and that Ras will just take something else from her permanently again (familial trauma x2)

So she flip-flops between helping Damian and trying to stop him from being a vigilante out of fear for his safety - which Damian detests (mommy issues 2: electric boogaloo)

Leviathan becomes a target for Spyral after it starts gaining followers that aren’t former League traitors and gains a wider influence among the eco-conscious and those who genuinely want Ras al Ghul gone forever

Dick - Nightwing/Batman

basically the same as og Battle for the Cowl

he becomes Batman and struggles under the mantle

doesn’t take in Damian so Tim stays Robin and in Gotham longer

he doesn't meet Damian until after Bette starts taking care of the kid so they don't have the same connection as in canon

he slowly becomes endeared to Damian the more they interact as the plot goes forward

while he’s still dismissive of Bette at the beginning, he’s forced to trust her when it comes to Damian and Spyral

He comes very close to like seventy mental breakdowns over the whole story

Tim - Robin

stays Robin bc Damian doesn’t need the role when he gets to Gotham

so no, there isn’t any conflict regarding the mantle until way later, and by the time Damian becomes Robin - Tim is already Red Robin

Bc Tim is Robin, he stays in Gotham for a while after Dick becomes Batman

that doesn’t mean there isn’t any tension bc there’s still the whole “Bruce isn’t dead” thing

Unlike canon though, Tim has words and can communicate before he leaves so Dick actually knows that Tim has at least a barebones theory of what happened to Bruce (doesn’t mean that Dick fully completely believes him and he’s still grieving so he doesn’t want anything dangerous to happen to Tim)

(this also means that the zombie Batman thing doesn’t happen)

Tim still leaves on his League pilgrimage and becomes Red Robin out of necessity

He still pushes people away, and he still is an asshole to Stephanie

Ras is very clearly manipulating him out of his own goals to strengthen the League and act against Leviathan

When he comes back to Gotham, Tim fights with Damian over the issue of Talia and Leviathan (bc he sees it as another fully evil organization, slight bias put into him by Ras)

Stephanie - Batgirl

the same as the comics

technically more on Barbara’s side than Dicks after BfTC

still a sister figure for Damian

will eventually meet with Bette bc it’s a crime that they never know each other in canon

is carving out her own legacy and path as a hero and Batgirl

still dealing with insecurity over Bruce

Cassandra - not Batgirl or Black Bat

will eventually become Batman

doesn’t show up until after the initial Battle for the Cowl

becomes Batman entirely on her own (for a bit there’s like three Batmen running around)

exclusively works with Oracle and Steph, comes to work together with Dick

doesn’t interact as much with Bette or Damian until they cross paths investigating Leviathan

Barbara - Oracle

still the same

does not interact as much with Dick&Tim bc she’s still running the Birds of Prey on top of training Steph

will interact with Kathy and Bette eventually bc I need the Batgirl interactions

Jason - Red Hood

is Batman briefly during BfTC

still takes in Scarlet as a pseudo-child

he won’t play a big part in the Bette/Damian part of the story

will eventually become a target for Spyral bc Red Hood is a crime boss with some wide connections

Bruce - dead (lol)

still time traveling and everything

tim will still investigate

the omega sanction/Barbatos hullaboo still happens

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mommyghostface28 · 21 days

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Bro whoever left that rude message....wtf!

You mock mommy for her body, yet you hide behind the confines of an anon message....so youre not such a bigman afterall, are you!? Can't even show your face when you say it. You'd probably be too embarrassed, ashamed or even scared to say it to her face, wouldn't you. So why say it at all in the first place. We both know putting your negativity out into the world doesn't achieve anything. It just reflects badly on you as a person and your character. How about you grow up and learn to be kinder, maybe have some better manners, and stop leaving totally uncalled for hate speech. What's mommy ever done to you, huh? Answer me that. Or are you just so bored and lonely in life that you feel the urge to randomly pick on strangers over the Internet to get your kicks? grow up dude. Get some friends, a real hobby or a job. They'll entertain you in much better ways than being a bully I can assure you.

Also, if you want to be a bully, at least grow some balls first, lmao. If you want be picking fights then come off anon, and say it to her face... Oh wait...you're probably too much of a pussy to do that now, aren't you. Clearly....

What kind of a lowlife wuss like you feels the need to say these shitty things? Do you get a rise out of making people feel bad about themselves? Are you that much of a rude, nasty, unfeeling person that you can't be nice to ppl? You won't get far in life being that way; I don't know many people who would want to talk to or know a person that can't even have basic respect for others, just a thought. I think you need to take a long look at yourself and think about why you feel the need to be a bully. Because it looks like you're projecting some insecurities or jealousy of your own. You seem like the type who just takes it all out on others instead of yourself. Maybe seek therapy x

Now go on, piss right off you, and scurry back under the rock you crawled out from! You mess with mommy, you mess with us! 😂

- 🧛‍♀️

loveeee! I’m literally at a loss for words 😭 thank you for having my back! You’re seriously so sweet for this.

But DAMN did you nail into them haha 🤭 I can’t pretend that I totally didn’t like it.

Thank you again darling ❤️

-🧛‍♀️

#wlw nsft #wlw ns/fw #nsft wlw #lesbian nsft #sapphic nsft #nsft lesbian #bd/sm mommy #wlw domme #lesbian #sapphic ns/ft #nsft sapphic #sapphic ns/fw #🧛‍♀️

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scootvideo · 8 months

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Either I'm claiming to be a man-eating machine, like Jennifer or to be an It girl but without hurting anyone. What happens is that yesterday was my first day of college and there was a group of arrogant and stuck up girls, I started to feel a little bit bad. I listened to subliminal audios to be everyone's crush, but I'm starting to doubt if it's really possible to fall in love with thousands of men, because maybe I'm not their physical type of girl or not everyone can see me, besides there are thousands of pretty girls. How would it be possible for all the guys to fall in love with me? I mean, because there are so many of them and what should I do to achieve it? Thank you very much honey, I love and appreciate your help.

I totally understand your situation because I’ve been there so I’m going to give you my personal opinion on this topic:

Firstly, I want to say I know I sound repetitive, BUT

it’s really important that you work on your self concept!!

Working on yourself, working on your insecurities, working on your traumas…All of that, it’s really important to improve as a human and start loving ourselves.

I really suggest you search videos on YouTube about self concept, because the way do you describe how you’re feeling, it seems like you are comparing yourself to other people, which….

I’ve been there, done that.

(…and honestly, that’s something that really hurts)

Secondly, I want to say that a lot of people think that all attractiveness comes only in a physical beauty which is not.

But I’m not talking about personality.

I’m talking about attitude.

Because attitude it’s something that you can see from the outside, without really knowing the person (it’s like physical appearance, but you can control it)

((for a quick explanation: Personality is the way you think and the way you express yourself, however, attitude is the way you react towards a certain topics and situations))

When you’re talking to someone and they start acting like “oh yeah I’m not pretty I’m ugly”. “Nobody likes me.”

That instantly gives me the ick.

Because even though that those comments come from a place of insecurity and maybe the person is extremely attractive, those simple comments, just makes me want to run away… 🏃🏃🏃

TREAT YOURSELF HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

Everyone has their own way to view the world and everyone has their own way to express their feelings. However, by changing your attitude acting a little bit, being more positive, happier, feeling better about yourself…

Positive people attract positive people, it’s that simple.

#manifestation #law of assumption #manifesting #law of manifestation #manifesting sp #loassumption #manifesting celebrity #loa #desired reality #manifest #self care #self concept

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nightowlfandom · 1 year

Text

Villain! BNHA AU- Our Little Apprentice: Episode-Todoroki Pt1

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!!

X RATED PROMPT LIST| NON X RATED PROMPT LIST

Triggers- Fem! Reader, talks of cheating, violence,

Episode-PROLOGUE| Episode-Deku| Episode- Bakugou

Leggo!

Now playing- Episode: Todoroki

...

O.R.C.H.I.D- Kink Unlocked : Temperature Play

(Flashback)

“Y/N please let’s talk about this!”

“Talk about what?!” you snapped. “The fact that I FOUND you with your tongue down some girl’s throat?” your voice wavered. “AND DO NOT TELL ME IT WAS FOR THE CAMERAS.” you held out a threatening finger. “How could you do this to me?”

“Y/N I would never! I didn’t! My agency thinks I should be with her to boost my reputation! They probably fabricated the whole thing with someone who looked like me!”

“What did you say in response?” you asked. “When they said it...what did you say?”

He was silent.

“So this is about your fucking agency.” you laughed harshly. “Forget old quirkless Y/N and her clumsy ass...do you think that excuses what you did?”

“Y/N this isn’t about you being quirkless- Maybe to them but-!”

“I don’t believe you...you were wearing the bracelet I gave you for your birthday that one year...the one you suddenly lost the minute you went mainstream...Remember?”

“Maybe the others are right...you’re probably just insecure but that doesn’t mean-.”

Your face faltered as those words left his lips. “Insecure?” You cut him off. “...M-me being hurt that I saw you or someone I thought willingly kissed someone else for publicity is me being insecure?” you dared to ask. “Me already having to deal with people telling you I’m a charity case...is that it?” you crossed your arms.

“That’s not what I said-”

“THAT’S HOW IT SOUNDS...I watched you kiss her like you kiss me...without so much as a hitch!”

“Y/N you’re emotional right now. Let’s please talk about this! How can I prove to you-”

(Flashback end)

“Y/N? Y/N!” Izuku waved his hand in your face, snapping you out of your daze. “Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” you raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, I didn’t. What did you say?”

“I said you did a good job on the heist.” he repeated himself. “In both regards.” he winked. You felt your face heat up. “How did everything go?”

You all had returned to the warehouse. You had been zoning in and out since everyone was talking about...shit- who cared.

“A few troublemakers but I made short work of them.” you replied. “They weren’t well armed at all.”

“Well thanks to your device, we were able to successfully extort that asshole and get what we wanted, what was it’s name again?” Tenya asked.

“O.R.C.H.I.D. Short for Operative Really Cool Hyper Intelligent Device....I was 16 when I thought of it don’t judge me. She’s the most powerful super computer in the world.”

“What made you build her?” asked Izuku.

“I was build as a homework helper for Y/N while she was still in school. Then she gave me hyper intel to allow me to interact as humans do...along with this totally fabulous style.” the silver haired avatar gloated.

“Aren’t you scared she’d turned against you?” Shoto asked, making you roll your eyes.

“Y/N is my creator...I’d never turn against her...you on the other hand. One command and you’re all dust.”

“She’s kidding.” you shook your head. “O.R.C.H.I.D, behave.”

“They all have muscles, they shouldn’t be scared.” your A.I rolled her eyes.

“Okay, you’re being muted.” you pressed a button that completely folded up your super computer back into a laptop sized disk.

“That still impresses me no matter how many times I see it.” Izuku shook his head.

“T-thanks.” you stared down at your fingers. “Not that I’m grateful to be here but, do I actually have a place to sleep or am I just gonna stay here with a blow up mattress.” you half joked.

“Oh we all have our own bedrooms. I’ll show you yours now if you want.”

“That’d be great.” you nervously smile.

“G’night Y/N~” Denki sang as you passed him. “Feel free to come to my room any time.”

“No one is gonna let me live this down are they?” you whispered to yourself.

You got your answer in the form of a smack to your ass, courtesy of Katsuki who hadn’t stopped smirking since all you to the warehouse. Of course. “Y/N is easily the best piece of ass I’ve ever had.” he boasted, not caring if you could hear.

“God the things I’d do to her-”

“You and me both dude.”

“I can’t wait to bed her over and-”

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Go die, Shoto.” you spat in response as you and Izuku left the board room.

“Dude what did you do to make her hate you so much?” Kirishima asked as you walked farther down the hall. You and Izuku stopped outside a door with your name written on it in black permanent marker.

“It’s not much, but-”

“It’s perfect.” you waved him off. It was twice as big as the shoebox bedroom you used to live in. “A paint job is all it needs.” you nodded.

“Great. Um...I’ll leave you to it then...Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah Izu-” he cut you off with a very quick peck on the lips.

“I’m really glad you’re here...really.” he grabbed your hand. “I really did miss my best friend.”

“I missed you too Izu.” your faced heated intensely like it did did when he gave you a heart-shaped cookie with your name on it for Valentines day once. “Just don’t make me regret this, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise.” he whispered. “...Night.”

“....Have nice dreams.” you called quietly as the door closed. “ORCHID, set up.”

“Setting up!”

You grabbed your handheld keyboard as you sat on the cute little twin bed they had picked out for you. “Why am I doing this?” you sighed. “I’ve always fought for the greater good.”

“...Well, and I’m sorry to say this...the greater good hasn’t treated you well since you were a child and I was only as big as a cellphone helping you with your homework. I know I’ve been against this...but maybe you should be making the world pay.”

“Weren’t you just reprimanding me for doing this like 12 hours ago? anyways...That’s what I’m afraid of. What if I have to fight the people I call my friends.”

“According to my data, no one in your graduating class has taken up hero work. All of them are imprisoned...or doing the devil’s work.”

‘Really?” you raised an eyebrow. “So it was only me and my naivety. I guess I thought since I finally got a quirk of my own, I owed it to God or whoever else was listening...cuz I thought it was a blessing.” you began undressing yourself from your day clothes.

“When you built me, you promised to use my data to help people. But you never said which side you’d fight on...you’re allowed to change your mind at any time...remember that. I just want you to be happy.”

You nodded as your AI companion assured you. You missed your friends and Izuku was right. Humanity sucked ass. “Okay then.” you pulled your shirt over your head. “Fine.”

“Y/N, someone’s outside your door.”

“Huh?” you looked up at your screen.

“Not outside anymore.” a new voice grabbed your attention

“DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!” you sent a power blast at Shoto who had barged in.

“Too slow.” he smirked, stopping it with an ice shield. “To think I can encapsulate your quirk in my palms...much like I’ve encapsulated your heart, Y/N.” he hummed as he shut the door.

“GET OUT!” you yelled, not caring if the whole damn compound could hear. You hid behind your discarded clothes. “WHY ARE YOU IN HERE!”

“I assumed you were hungry so I was told to bring you dinner.”

“And you couldn’t knock like a regular FUCKING PERSON!” you seethed. You ran behind the bed and bent down grabbing a bunch of random clothes out of your duffel. “Or leave it outside the damn door!”

“I’ve been acquainted with your body on more than one occasion Y/N.”

You grumpily put of a pair of pajama shorts and the first shirt you saw sticking out. “Fuck off.”

“You kept my shirt?”

“Huh?” you looked down. It was a plain black button-up that you instantly recognized to be his. You stole it from him when you slept over at his place one night. “Whatever-”

“Y/N...” Shoto began. “Can we talk?”

“About what?” you crossed your arms. “I have nothing to say to you!”

“I never cheated on you...”

“This again!” you seethed. “Shoto, I am NOT worried about that right now.” You noticed he was holding a plate. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Pizza rolls and mozzarella sticks...your favorite midnight snack as I remember.” he smiled as he set it on the table.

There was an uncomfortable silence between us, and you hated it.

“Remember when we first met?” he broke the silence.

“How could I forget...” you huffed.

Flashback

“Need help with that?”

Your body froze as the helping hand came out of nowhere. The book you had been trying to reach was put in your hand with ease.

“Um...thanks!” you smiled nervously. You had already heard rumors from some of the girls around, but at the same time they told you not to get your hopes up.

“I’ve never seen you around here, I can only assume you’re new?”

“Mhm? Y/N L/N..I’m that quirkless girl you may have heard about.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t hear th-”

“Don’t lie. Please, it will make it easier for us to get along.” you laughed stiffly.

“S-sorry, I just didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.” he smiled. “If it’s any consolation, I also heard you were quite beautiful...”

“From who?”

“My conscious.”

“What?” you went wide eyed.

“I ...I don’t know why I said that....” he froze. “I’m sorry.” he rasped.

“N-no, that’s okay.” you giggled. “Um....I liked it.”

(End Flashback)

...

“To think we’ve come so far since then.” he mused.

“Well, things change.”

“To think something as trivial as a mistaken kiss-”

“Is that what you call it, you were practically dry humping the girl.”

“Oh, now you’re being dramatic on purpose.” he glared.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t think the ‘unce unce’ music affected your brain too” you scoffed, crossing your arms. “Seriously, it’s like you don’t even remember!”

“Y/N...are we talking about the same instance?” he raised an eyebrow. “I am very lost right now.”

“Well you shouldn’t be! You’d think you’d remember your own birthday party!”

“Birthday party?...You’re not talking about the kiss?”

“Of course I’m not talking about the kiss! I’m talking about the club!”

For some odd reason he looked hella confused. “Y/N, what on Earth are you-”

“You don’t remember walking out of a club on your 18th birthday like 7 years ago? Before graduation?”

“Y/N, I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“You are so unbelievable!” You seethed. “You don’t remember being at The King of Hearts Club in Tokyo.”

“Of course I do, it was my birthday, but Y/N...I left like 3 hours after I got there to go to your place!”

“Oh really, because I went there after Bakugou called my phone saying you were drunk as hell and needed to be picked up.” you scoffed.

Now YOU were confused. How did he not remember?! “I wonder-....”

“Wonder what?” he asked.

“ORCHID can access video feeds...if she can get the footage- or at least coordinates”

“Already on it!” your AI companion spoke. “Shoto Todoroki entered The King of Hearts club at 8PM and left at 11:15PM”

Now you were even more confused. “But I got there at arounf 11:30...I SAW him!...Show me the camera feed! The Red Room is where I saw him.”

“Showing camera footage of The Red Room of the King of Hearts club Jan. 11th, 7 years ago.”

You watched in complete shock. The screen showed someone who very much looked like Shoto from the back, but what really killed you was the fact that the person you thought was Shoto morphed into someone else. You saw yourself on camera stomping off 45 seconds before he morphed back into someone completely different.

“My files show that the person in question has a quirk that allows them to take on the form of another.” O.R.C.H.I.D spoke. “They were arrested 3 years ago for attempting to impersonate the U.S president and is currently in the Los Angeles State Prison.”

You didn’t know how to feel, what to do, but you knew one thing....

Shoto was telling the truth...

“Oh my god.” you covered your mouth with your hands.

“I never cheated on you Y/N...I swear on my life.”

“I...I blamed you...I said I never wanted to see you again.” you whimpered. “I said those awful things to you.”

You felt your soul start to ache.

“No- don’t do what I think you’re about to do.” he ushered up to you and held the sides of your face. “Don’t say what I think you’re about to say.”

“Shoto I spent the last 7 years of my life hating you-”

“And I sent the last 7 waiting for the day I could redeem myself.” he replied. “It’s not your fault, What you saw was your reality in that moment...whether you knew it or not. When you told me what you saw I knew something was wrong but I knew your trust in me was so fucked from the whole agency thing, that I couldn’t get you to believe me.”

You telling Izuku who also kicked his ass the next week wasn’t any help either....

“I- I...” you felt the tears sting your eyes.

“Shh, don’t cry...please don’t cry.” he began pecking your lips. “Shhhh.” He rested his forehead against yours, and you were full on crying now. He wrapped his arms around your, holding you close for the first time in years. He always wanted to do it, he just didn’t think it would be under this circumstance.

“I am so sorry.” you sobbed into his shoulder. “Shoto I-”

“Shh, it’s okay.” he laughed. “Please don’t cry...”

Shoto tightened his hold on you, but you couldn’t see him clenching his fists. Watching that footage sent a chill up his spine that could curdle blood. He spent years wondering what he did only to be framed...this wouldn’t go without a little visit to the states...but for a...courtesy visit...but first-

“Y/N...” he made you look at him. “Look at me.” he held your gaze. “Oh, I missed you so much baby~ Did you miss me?”

“Um....mhm.” you sheepishly nodded.

“Then...why don’t we celebrate a little...hm?”

“What do you mean by that?” you had completely forgotten your hunger at this point.

“Let me show you~”

... To be continued (Coming Soon)

I just wanted to say....um...thanks for being patient with me...um...I haven’t been okay...but I will be..I promise.

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lazarel-3000 · 1 year

Text

“Hey, No.”

There was so much from this Se6Ep8 to unwrap.

Laughing at the showrunners cheeky episode title Analyze Piss, because oh I’m gonna! I’m gonna analyze and comment the shit out of this!!

TW: Suicide, mental health, depression

Rick Going to Therapy

@tootiredforaname’s take on the possibility of Rick having turned himself into a fly to observe therapy before going in himself is a lot more benign and plausible than my interpretation lol. Because I thought my man Rick was doing that to eavesdrop to see how he could further manipulate the family by mining their insecurities and using them against them—which to my defense seemed like something he would do! Also I read a fic about that too!

Can I just also say how much I freaking love Dr. Wong?! She is so good, like wow – the way she didn’t play into Rick’s bs *chef’s kiss* She like straight up said No to him AND HE LISTENED!! And before that, she was so calm and non-reactive too, found a way to appeal to Rick in a way that didn’t directly connect with emotion because we all know how much he loves that! “Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? [...] Show me data.” She said. And of course it was reverse psychology but it worked! This character is amazing.

Rick pacing back and forth, but actually being OPEN to a session with her, I could not believe my eyes and ears. His roundabout way too of asking for her “expertise” melted my heart. Old Rick would NEVER.

And like it works, right? It works for A While.

The Pitfalls of Change

Like mentioned before I was totally expecting this not work and like can we say that yeah this whole process wasn’t the prettiest to watch but truth be told, change hardly ever is. Someone dragging decades long issues behind them is not going to change their mindset overnight. It’s a process that requires commitment and consistency; it’s awkward, uncomfortable and many times painful. Regression to old habits happens, and that’s okay - this episode did really good in demonstrating that.

Toilet Humor as an Analogy: Pissmaster persona as a vehicle of self-agency

People getting grossed out about the toilet humor is understandable I myself thought it was disgusting but going beyond that. Piss is an analogy, or I want to believe it is, because it’s like Pissmaster, Pissmaster, right? You have this guy whose personal life is so depressing that he adopted an entire persona focused on urine to prove others wrong. But then he fails by getting his ass handed to him by Jerry of all people, yet he gets to live nonetheless. Now here, Eugene Michael Piss, the person suffers an emotional break realizing his Pisspersona could not prove anyone wrong - which is all he ever wanted. So now he has nothing

I like how Rick says this to his daughter: “I can tell you for sure if anything happens to me, it’s 100% not on you, it’s my own choice.”

And it’s true, we all make choices every day. Eugene could have chosen something different for himself. He could have chosen to get help, could have re-connected with his worried family, could have not done That, but he didn’t. He looked for a way out.

So then Rick is placed in a position to do something about it, or do nothing at all. So what does Rick do?

He gets off his ass and starts saving the world, and he does it under the pretense of wanting to protect Eugene’s daughter from the crude reality of her father’s death. And finds it that he actually Likes It and Dr. Wong reservedly approves!

He is taking control in his own way and changing. Remember that recent interview with Justin? Yeah.

The additional point being made too, I like to believe, is that yeah you can be dealt the shittiest hand in life but at the end of the day you yourself choose what you do with it. And if you do good, others are bound to notice. Like the Orb Council or whatever, didn’t care Pissmaster was a literal piss lord! All that they cared about and saw was that he was moving on, he was changing:

“Everyone likes a comeback story...”

Edit: I just rewatched the episode and realized that Rick was not suicidal in the Orphan Island bit, he had planned to autopilot the bomb away before Jerry got there lol

Rick and his inability to make friends

Rick’s inability to make close connections continues to be a theme in the show. After the toilet episode with Tony, I see now how he probably does want to have friends, but is hesitant because it never ever works out. Like every time he’s empathized with someone - Birdperson, Tony and now Pissmaster – something goes terribly horribly wrong. And he’s left alone again.

I just hope that can change one day, because Rick really needs someone outside his family he can rely on. We all do.

Morty, the secret keeper… not!

Lol I laughed when Morty immediately went to tell on Rick.

And you know what, I saw some people being angry at Morty for this, but I’m like ‘What did you expect? He’s 14 and has had extensive character growth.’ Also, Rick’s the adult here, let’s never forget that. The reaction has me like ‘???’

I really hope ya’ll are super young and don’t know any better. Because if Rick really felt that he needed to tell someone, he could have told Dr. Wong or you know… a friend or even some random at the bar, not his grandkid.

But like let’s take a closer look at this bit.

Was he self-sabotaging? Like we know he can be pretty self destructive, so I can’t help but wonder if some dark part of him wanted to ruin the good image his family had of him. Like he can’t let them have this, can’t let them be right when he’s always been the one in higher ground. Or maybe part of him feels vulnerable, after being perceived as callous man all this time to then have them suddenly realize that he might have a heart underneath, I can see how that could be a scary thing to someone. Or it could be a combination of both and it’s understandable but c’mon don’t tell your grandkid.

He really needs a friend.

On Closing.

The fact that the episode didn’t end in a happy note and instead had them all arguing in the garage was a good choice imo. Like I keep saying in my ramblings. Change is not perfect. It’s not pretty, and it takes a whole LOT of work to keep it consistent.

Other Comments

I just find it cool that therapy was used a plot point in the story—not many comedy shows can do that without making fun of the concept. I mean the showrunners themselves have also had their own struggles with mental health, so it was nice to see them incorporate it. And like considering the show’s overall tone you would expect it to not be handled well, but it somehow worked! It worked on so many levels!

At the end of the day I hope it encourages those who need it to give therapy a try.

With all that being said:

I loved what we could explore here but it somehow felt off in hindsight. I don’t know it was the dialogue or what, but this episode’s tone felt different. Idk, it’s just my opinion.

Anyway, whose piss was that anyway?

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #rick and morty spoilers #Adult Swim

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bastetwastaken · 1 year

Text

So what if I wrote something really stupid...well, more stupid than my usual writing... About Atem from Double Exposure.

What if I wrote his entire story? From his point of view? As him telling you all his story and his past? Would that be stupid? Would anyone actually care for it?

Maybe.... anyway, have an excerpt of the stupid thing I've already started writing which may never actually see the light of day again. Make the most of it, and if you want more maybe I'll finish writing it... <3 <3

.........

Have you ever seen a photo and thought that something was…off about it? That something in the composition wasn’t quite right, that there was some sort of imperfection in it but every time you try to look a little closer, things become even less clear?

I’ve always thought people are much the same.

Take me, for example.

What you see in photos is only what I want you to see. You only know what I want you to, you see me smiling, laughing, smirking confidently and you think that is who I am. That I’m comfortable in my skin, that I’m happy. But that is so far from the truth.

If you look a little closer, allow me to expose those parts that aren’t quite right. To part the curtains and let you see me as I truly am…but I’ll be honest with you. My past is not pretty, it’s not smooth, I have regrets by the bucket-full, baggage which I still struggle under the weight of…I have been broken, used, betrayed, abandoned and I have been in places which I never thought I would ever be able to drag myself out of. I am as far from perfect as you can get, but I am trying…I am really trying to be better and all I ask from you is that you keep that in mind as you read these pages, as I expose my soul to you I ask only for your patience.

-----

People used to ask me, jokingly I thought, if I was ready for my life to change. Honestly, I didn’t fully understand what that meant at the time. Of course my life was changing, I was making a drastic career change, moving away from something I knew and was good at into something which was totally alien to me and that I may fail at.

At first I didn’t know what that change would bring. I thought a couple of people might know me, maybe I’d even become famous in my hometown… but I didn’t expect the world to know my name, for people to stop me in the street, that complete strangers would fall over themselves to try and speak to me.

Through every interaction though with every person, every stranger who stopped me and complimented me, everyone who told me I’d go far, that I was going to be big…there was this voice in my head, beginning to whisper:

Would you still be so happy to meet me if you really knew who I was? If you knew all the things I’d done? If you could see all of me?

It’s easy to tell me that you would, but still, I wonder. Sure, there’s a part of me that is exactly what you see but there are also others…others that I want to show and some which are a little scary to get into.

Like, the nagging insecurity which sits in the back of my mind and tells me I’m not good enough. Or the part which has had sex with countless people- many of which I wish I hadn’t, all of which I regret to some degree. What about the part that developed the unhealthy coping mechanisms that almost led to me losing my life? Or the part which wishes the former would have succeeded. My self-loathing part, my part that just wishes to be left alone, the anxious one that threatens to ruin it all…

You see, if you knew me…all of me…then you wouldn’t love me, and I wouldn’t blame you.

So why am I writing this? To make you all hate me? Is this just another self-hatred fuelled effort to turn you all away from me and for me to self-destruct?

No.

This is a chance.

Shame loves secrets, it thrives on it, and I’m telling my story in an attempt to take that power away from the shame I feel. I’m telling you this to heal, to remove that suffocating feeling that comes along with trying so desperately to hide yourself from others.

Not long before I started writing this, I had an experience with a total stranger on the street of the city I used to call home. They approached me and I was worried that they would want something from me, but they didn’t...

They only wanted to tell me that I was an inspiration to them.

Those words had a profound effect on me which I don’t think this person realised. I have never thought of myself in that way, never dared to paint myself in such a positive light, but they did and it got me thinking.

I hide so much of myself from the world, I hide my pain, my worries, my past…but what if those parts I hide could help someone else? What if there’s someone like me out there? Thinking they’re alone, that they’re not worth the effort, that they’re not worth love…that the things they have done and the burdens they carry are too much for someone else to possibly want to bear?

So this is a chance for me to tell you about myself, and it’s not gonna be pretty, really, it’s not, but if my experiences help even one person see that they are not alone, then I’ll count that as a win.

--------

If you would like to read the Puzzleshipping fic this would 'technically' follow on from, where Atem is a model with quite the colourful past and Yugi is a journalist who changes his life after an interview, you can find it here- Double Exposure.

#atem #fanfic #fanfiction #technically puzzleshipping if you know the other fic #ygo dm #I am once again doing stupid things and asking for your love in return

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bookofmirth · 11 months

Note

If Gwyn and Azriel do end up together how do you think their relationship will be built up? I definitely see them going from friends to lovers. In ACOSF, there here has not been any interactions between Az & Elain (that we know of) since solstice. Bryce falls into Prythian and I’m sure that took place a few months after ACOSF. In the upcoming CC book, I hope/think we get small (nothing too big since this is about Bryce) glimpses of Gwynriel, like his shadows wrapping around her wrist or trailing after her. I think Gwyn will try to help Bryce go back to her world since she works with Merrill who is researching other worlds. I’m worried/nervous how Gwynriel will play out and be built. If they do get together, I just hope Azriel sorts out his issues first. He doesn’t have to be completely healed, it’s fine, but he needs to work on his self worth issues and needs to acknowledge that he self sabotages. No one can fix that except for himself. Also, how do you think the whole situation with Elain/Azriel will be played out? I believe after CC3, we will have Az’s book and I’m thinking maybe he’ll acknowledge that it was a mistake and he only did it out of jealousy (since his brothers have mates) and not because he has genuine romantic feelings for her. I like that even though Azriel did save/rescue Gwyn, he didn’t immediately develop a possessive/romantic attachment to her. I’m sorry for the long ask! (Ps, do you think Azriel has a hero complex? That he needs to save everybody? This could stem from his childhood with his mother.)

For sure friends to lovers. They already know one another and regularly interact. In this post I mentioned how I think they will continue to work together, and I see it leading to some competitiveness and tension between them, because I think they will have the same goals (IE stop the bad guys) but the Valkyries will have newer, perhaps more progressive ways of doing so, while the Illyrians have an established way of working. I don't ship it 100% because broody sad boys are not my thing (anymore lol) but I can totally see Az and Gwyn having this teasing, challenging camaraderie with one another!

Definitely agree that I hope he gets his issues sorted first! I think talking to Mor will be a much bigger necessity than talking to Elain. Like you pointed out, he and Elain haven't interacted since Solstice (that we know of) so I honestly don't think it will be a big deal that he needs to address. But he has been holding out some sort of unrealistic hope for Mor for his whole life. So yes, I agree that he will admit with Elain he acted out of jealousy (for mating bonds, for what Rhys and Cassian have, not because he wants her in particular), but that will be it. With Mor, it's a much longer, more important conversation.

And yeah, I do think he needs to save women, because of his mom! I know I've talked about it before but I can't be bothered to search for it, so-

Examples are in acofas where he gets upset at dinner and Rhys explains to Feyre that it's because of the way that his mother was treated, the fact that he holds onto this anger about what happened to Mor, he has rescued Feyre, Gwyn, Elain, Briar... Who knows how many other women. I think that's partly why he rushes into danger, but I think it's combined with the fact that he feels deeply insecure about his place in the IC - he was tortured by his brothers, in what world is it okay or sane for him to torture other people as part of his job??? That's where his insecurity comes in, IMO. He does that because he feels like he doesn't have anything else to give, and he needs to earn his place. That's how I interpret it, at least. I mean, there really isn't any other reason for him to put that burden on himself, unless he feels like he deserves it. People have pointed out that Rhys could easily break into people's minds for information, so Az torturing people doesn't make sense.

This is also why I think he gets so angry at being told he can't/shouldn't do things that he thinks will be helpful to the IC (e.g. when Rhys and Feyre tell him he can't spy on Briallyn, when Nesta tells him he'll die if he tries to get Elain back from Hybern). If he doesn't have these things - the rescuing and the torturing for the greater good - then how else is he proving that he belongs?

#azriel #acotar #acosf #gwynriel #ask #anon

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toinfinitywinning · 3 months

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confident about confidence & not confident that makes sense.

*real Quick. This (G)entry might make ur head spin. Could also Title : what you think no one knew. U tried it.

I wont ask for a raise of hands. Everyone deals with it. There’s no solution, no answer. Experience & being a dumbass——>Guidance and wisdom. There are many reasons I bring up confidence. One, it’s one of those words that’s not a word …it is a State of being. you just kind of don’t know where to place it b/c well, you’re not confident of where to land w/ it and even if you were you’d be like just leave it bc i don’t have time for this. to debate confidence v confidence? again Dog-ear the page or burn it bc im not even confident about THAT. Then once and only if it’s (the whole world of confidence) placed hyper-questioning kicks in: is that where it should be? Then… be and stay? Also am I losing it? I’m not confident about that but maybe. That’s always on the agenda you never agreed to and I AM confident about that i think.

If there is one constant in My Life it’s been My back n forth relationship with confidence. I have this thought daily, truly. I’ll say to myself ok yea I’m cute…

[insert any other compliment you give yourself or even receive by others only b/c you’re actually insecure— and just like the fact you’re still sick from being healthy (Me) it doesn’t make sense so bc it doesn’t make sense just I guess get over it and carry on]

…but R u cute enough to actually be happy and okay about that or do you want to change something? Take another chiseled mirror picture flexing? And u never went to a trainer? Feel better now? But I only got 3 likes. So idk.

Er No i think I’ve figured it out. Just dont eat. Exercise 2-4 hrs a day. Weights. 100 Push-up’s. 100 Calf raises. Repeat. Twice a Day if ya can. Anything to find confidence in the material. Find Pride. Only Pride you’re good at tho is the lgbtq spectrum and recently are glad it’s a spectrum since u have no idea where you fall into it anymore bc you’re not confident and it’s completely irrelevant b/c I can live between the letters+ the rest of my Life— that’s fine. Any of which could be foreshadowing of any category of Illness to come. But yea Now that you’re sick…you gotta trash your other Pride AGAIN b/c you can’t do anything without help.

10, 9, 8…my Tourette’s R throttled.

Then lately, aka the past 2 years—I can make the cute comment, i like my sun freckles and My eyes. My baby hairs when i wear a hat backwards. My smile. Just dont smile where you look fat or have a dbl chin bc you worked too hard to get all that weight off and how would that look if you just got fat again? Pitiful and weak and a fraud. Going back on your word b/c anything I declare Online is binding. So just Show some of your body in pics but not all so people dont think youre trying NOT to be totally honest with internet fame but so you still look confident. but as for doing anything about it…physically can’t now b/c trying to get better is not a good idea bc of POTS and Pppunishment for trying to be in shape but oh when u tried to be in shape never was not-not punishment. Then what…back to no confidence. Felt like My Face is cute but _______ oh, ill still think that later. Confident about that. Forget about iiit. Post it.

Then all the sudden youre not just fighting with yourself. there’s the whole social Media thing also including the “felt cute, might _____ later.” What R we doing later (?!) LOL. We say Shit that doesn’t make sense at all. (English still deemed the hardest language to learn b/c we have three versions of the same thing). Who decided why ppl need to know what we’re doing later if we are cute? LOL, Well then, I’m typically the later. I think. B/c if I even did feel cute I didn’t have enough confidence to say it, yea? Even if I was?

TRAP

This goes back to My eating Disorder(s)—which, is technically a fantastic eerily precluding example of the back and forth weight and confidence issues I’ve always had on and off. Ok so weight, up and down. Confidence obviously plays along. Self worth in that scale- turn the lights off. Can’t see your bones anymore, I’m doing something wrong. I’m healthier but I also have Long COVID-19? I lost all this weight and im fainting? Oh and science does back up that the reason u were so susceptible to getting sick is bc you got healthy! Your body was so assaulted it kicked into overdrive to help you but did a 180 gainer instead of the whole 360. So u Quit smoking. stopped drinking, et. Working on an eating disorder mixed of anorexia and exercise bulimia bc you used to be morbidly obese and lost 150 lbs and dammit you’re gonna let ppl know it for confidence’s sake. Do. Not. Waiver. Social Media is holding us all hostage and accountable.

That’s weak, Gentry. B/c if it’s on the Internet it’s REAL and it’s permanent. Keep it up. Don’t think about it too much.

Back to my body being so healthy it gets sick. The most laughable backwards bull shiggity I’ve ever been a part of. My Pleasure. Again, body got So healthy in fact, the health takes form and wants to protect you so badly that it turns turbo, fast, furious and wants to heal you SO fast and so well, well, it’s bad. And, AND, you cant do anything about that trust me your body is confident in that. Oh and also wait even tho u did follow all the covid safety rules half of America made fun of that is also irrelevant. Why? I’m confident the answer is bc What why? LOL. This gets Good, gets better. Need 2 years to explain. So book it in advance.

Speed ‘round to tie all the above mess? not confident I can do that with this entry. Can’t speed through any of this type Schitt in a few words. Forget a proofread.

Engine sputters. Then stops even sputtering. And pls stop using that word.

Pretty confident I can’t go anywhere now!

See now? Ofc you don’t.

Truly it was the beginning of the End. I’m confident about that. I do thank God for that tho. Not that this needed to happen but something needed to distract Me from myself and its prison only I could have built. Go ahead and add that pressure to your Tab too.

Me thinks i do. I sound Manic. And steroids influenced.

PS: if you take anything from this—these strategies of extremes to get extremes don’t work. They’re temporary. It’s more your mind than your body. They’re not going to make you happy everlasting.even Snow White got F’d temporarily and she was not even cute. There’s a shallowness to the extremes intoxication but unless like an Addiction you’re ready to Face and admit it honestly healing cannot Begin. TIME is on your side and most of the time you’d prefer it the other Way then the other Way. So This “advice”— or call it what you want— doesn’t just apply to confidence and the extremes we Will take so you CAN be all about you you you. Where is the line btw confidence Health and cockiness and a titch narcissism? The obsession—It Will leave you empty.

I just read the above and thank goodness I didn’t handwrite it b/c then you’d really have no chance of deciphering any part of it! Even so you may have to learn the hard Way like most of us. Something I’ll never understand but can look at somebody and know they’ve been there too.

Just do you. Don’t try so hard. You’ll be so tired. But just be present. That’s gonna bring joy. Not a scale. Not a selfie. What do YOU want. Trust my confidence on this at least. Ya can’t beat it. Truly is what is at your Core. What do people think first? I’m still unsure I want to know that anyway! Being yourself is terrifying. WHYYY?!

I need a scribe.

Don’t ask Me ;)

Be blessed.

Xx, g3

#Confidence #selfesteem #why #scared

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