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academyoftheheartandmind · 16 days

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Bitter Experience and Other Poems

By Katherine Orfinger Bitter Experience (for Oates and Chekhov) and I understand now why Anna held herself to a godly standard and why she needed to make those little lines, their lives seeping together my head, a dim bathroom: she paces. my own soul peers through a speckled mirror a forgotten piece of metal glints in the harsh light she ignores the door, wide open. takes the hard way…

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#academy of the heart and mind #academyoftheheartandmind #Bitter Experience (for Oates and Chekhov)#Katherine Orfinger #Poem #Poem for My Psychiatrist #poems #poet #Poetry #Untitled

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talon-dragonbeast · 2 months

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socialising

stand straight, two feet on ground

smile, bare your teeth (not too much)

fangs hidden in plain sight

your claws in fists, don't let them see

(don't let them know)

wings folded behind your back, so tight

always look them in the eye,

and let them look into yours (ignore the pain)

hide your scales under your clothes

and use words that don't belong in your mouth

do they know?

can they see what is hidden?

a beast with stolen skin

a monster in human shape

#<- had to go to the psychiatrist and didnt want to socialise that day #anyways this is a fucking mess but i had to get it out of my chest so. enjoy?#to clarify nothing bad happened. just had to socialise (crying sobbing throwing up)#whispers of the dragon #dragonkin #endermankin #otherkin #nonhuman #vent poem #i guess #poetry #my writings

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nonsensegf · 1 year

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okay so my ex bsf wants to meet tomorrow and i haven't decided if i should meet her yet. what should i dom

#i approacbed after seeing her sad posts #so she was like i had a few depressing months and stuff and im stable now #and said she wanted to meet #i didnt confirmed as i am super busy this whole month okay #but now its tomorrow and i cabt decide #but one thing thats hurting me is that she never checked up on me as i did to her last week #she saw all the sad substacks and poems but never asked how i was #idk if she knows but i was literally diagnosed with depression #my parents took me to a psychiatrist and they would never do that if i wasnt like me #yk how desi parents are #they think you are just sad or lazy but i was so bad that they finally pieced it together #and she never contacted me in 6 whole months #i always ask her how she is

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celestiallyours · 6 months

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My dearest jellyfish, why do you hide away?

Have I made myself unavailable for your emotional baggage?

Did I give off the impression I hate your feelings?

I care more about your feelings than I do mine

I wake up and wonder if that purple shine of yours

Is truly how you look from day to day

My dearest jellyfish, why do you hide away?

Have I made myself a moron in your eyes?

#original poem #writing my feelings bc i am mentally ill #does anybody know a good psychiatrist #i think i need one right about now

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i-am-deeply-poem · 11 months

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“It Isn’t Working”

It isn’t working

Or so I tell myself because I find the thought irking

Barely given it half a chance, like sitting in the back of the group chat lurking

Can’t bare to fathom lost time

Can’t bare to hold it in, want some cheese with that whine?

It isn’t working, so I give up, who doesn’t want a happily ever after, but as we know they don’t exist

It may be working, just having given up it’s hard to notice, pick up on it

It doesn’t matter because in the end we don’t, as does nothing exist, for on nothing our souls subsist

Content with the melodrama, the stories, the experience reason enough for souls to find to in symbiosis exist

Can’t fathom living without my heart again

The doubt, can’t fathom living at all, no hope for lack of clout

I can’t help who I am or what I am becoming, every day a new man, uncertain, unbecoming.

So at 7:40 I’ll tell Dana the same, it isn’t working or so I’ll insist

But the fact of the matter is that in the first place I don’t exist

A hell of a lot of stress to put on a something, to make individually subsist.

#my poem #original poetry #original poets on tumblr #poems and poetry #prose poem #my prose #original poem #poems on life #poemsociety #poetry #it isn’t working #psychiatry #psychiatrist #psychology #medication #medicine #cure

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the0nlyallison · 2 months

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Updated Introduction

Notes challenge

Books/Authors: Dean Koontz | Stephen King | Percy Jackson series

TV shows: The Office | Never Have I Ever | Atypical

Achievements: NSHSS ambassador | author of two poems | top 10% of my class | high honor roll

How I act: I match the energy of others. If you're an ass, I'll be an ass. If you're yourself, I'll be myself. If you're nice, I'll be nice | I don't have average feelings; I feel them as extreme | I get defensive if someone says something to upset me | I get real depressed easily

Academics/future: I take college courses, though I'm in high school. I'm working to get my associates degree in psychology at MUO to be a psychiatrist | planning on joining the Army National Guard

Other blogs:

@allisonswritings where I post my poems and chapters of books

@ilovetorunandjump for my sports, achievements, athletic goals, and things i see on social media

@allisonsacademics my academic goals and achievements

Pets: I have two dogs (Peanut and Flynn) and two cats (Kit Kat and Georgie) which i will and have posted a lot of

Dni: homophobes | racists | sh accounts | the usual

Socials: discord, Pinterest, Wattpad, YouTube all the0nly_allison

Tags I'll start using frequently:

Asks: allisons asks (I also include the name of the person who asked; if it's anonymous I put anon)

Conversations: messenger convos | discord convos | Google chats convos | Tumblr convos

Pets: Georgie | my baby

Guys: Maple Syrup (Chase) | silly goose (Karson)

Followers: 130

Mutuals:

@mqstermindswift (Nicky <3)

@brave-olive (Olive <3)

@kit-the-gaygent (Kit <3) (know irl)

@mackennalea (MacKenna <3) (know irl)

@likegoinghome (Matthew <3)

@shuhuaspookie (Aria <3)

@urbanflorals (Emma <3)

@percabeths-blue-cookies (Harley <3)

@deprivedofbraincellsandsleep (Zia <3)

@kimu-dem (Ki <3)

@lighter-like-a-feather (Kasi <3)

And all the others (I'm sorry I can't remember shit 😭😭) let me know if you want added or removed

#allisons intro #updated intro post #introduction

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strangegremlin · 1 month

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Your Body and Mine Will Sing

Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham

Universe: Hannibal

Summary: Will breaks into Hannibal's house to confront him but things get unexpectedly steamy and a little bloody as Will leans into his dark desires.

Word count: 1,148

Warnings: Smut 18+ only, oral, blood kink, power kink, slight praise kink, dom!Will/sub!Hannibal, references to murder, bodily harm

Note: I've never written a fanfic before so I hope this one is okay lol. I drew a little pic to go with it :3 I got the title from a line in the poem Love Poem with Dark Face.

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Will stands in the moonlight outside of Dr. Lecter's house, hunting knife in hand, ready to confront him about being the Chesapeake Ripper. The only light on is in the upstairs bathroom.

Hannibal must be in the shower. Now’s my chance to sneak in unnoticed. He picks the lock.

The house is dark, only illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the tall windows.

Will hears Hannibal exit the shower and start down the stairs so he crouches behind the kitchen counter.

Hannibal goes to the fridge to pour himself a glass of wine but before he can open the bottle, Will pounces on him from behind. Will wrestles him to the ground, putting the knife to his throat.

“Will, don’t be foolish.”

“You don’t get to talk. I’m the one with the knife.”

The psychiatrist grips Will’s waist, flipping him so that he is now on top. Hannibal grabs his hands and pulls them above his head, pressing them into the carpet and making Will drop the knife.

Will wraps his legs tightly around Hannibal, twisting him and knocking him off balance. He uses this momentum to flip them back over and straddle Hannibal, reaching his hands up to the Chesapeake Ripper’s throat.

Hannibal rests his hands on Wills hips and smiles devilishly. Will looks down, noticing how they’re tangled up and blushes. He's basically in the cowgirl position.

Will tightens his grip on Hannibal’s neck to wipe the smug grin off his face but this just causes Hannibal to bite his lip.

Will feels his stomach flutter.

That was weird. Why am I turned on right now?

Will releases his grip and moves his thumb up to Hannibal’s lips, which part, allowing Will’s thumb the enter his warm mouth.

Will lets out a breath as Hannibal massages his thumb with his tongue.

What am I doing? My psychiatrist, the Chesapeake Ripper is sucking my thumb and I’m allowing it.

Wills eyes focus intently on Hannibal’s curved pink lips around his thumb. He can feel his tongue moving in circles and for a second, Will imagines it is something else that was in Hannibal’s mouth.

Then, Hannibal bites Will's thumb, drawing a few drops of blood and causing Will to let out a breathy moan.

Will's head is swimming as he pulls his thumb out and drags it softly across Hannibal’s lips, coating them in crimson.

He leans in to taste his own blood on Hannibal’s lips, feeling himself get hard. Wills senses are flooded with the taste of iron and the smell of Hannibal’s aftershave… and the feeling of Hannibal’s fingers digging into his hips like he’s holding on for dear life.

Will pulls back, grabbing his knife. Hannibal looks him up and down, eager to see what he’ll do with it.

Will presses the knife gently to Hannibal’s neck. Hannibal doesn’t flinch, and instead leans his head back a little to help Will’s blade find its spot.

Hannibal’s eyes twinkle darkly as they meet Will’s, making him gulp.

Will steadies himself and makes a tiny nick in Hannibal’s neck, just enough to draw a few pearls of red. He leans in, kissing the nick softly, causing Hannibal to let out a whimper.

Will moves his lips all around Hannibal’s neck kissing softly, then roughly, making Hannibal squirm and tighten his grip on Will's hips.

Then, Will pulls back to admire his work.

He looks at Hannibal bathed in moonlight, painted with his bloody kisses, and his heart melts a little.

He had always noticed Hannibal was a very handsome man but he had never seen him as beautiful as he was right now, smeared in red, marked by him.

Will's blue eyes glitter as he smirks, “Who’s my pretty boy?”

Hannibal’s eyes widen as he lets out a small breath. Will feels Hannibal’s bulge harden underneath him.

“Oh, interesting.” Will coos with amusement.

He leans in next to Hannibal’s ear and whispers “You’re my pretty boy, Hannibal.”

Hannibal blushes and bucks his hips up making Will smirk again. He finally had Hannibal under his control. Will's body buzzed from the power he held over the Chesapeake Ripper.

“Would you kill for me?”

“In a heartbeat, Will.”

Will leans in and forcefully kisses Hannibal. Their fingers tangle in each other's hair as they roll around together.

Then, they pull back for a second and look at each other. Their eyes meet and they giggle for a second like they were teenagers fooling around at summer camp.

Their fingers hastily dance around each other's shirts, making quick work of the buttons, even popping a few off by accident.

Will trails wet kisses down Hannibal's neck, torso, and then stomach, until he reaches his belt. After fumbling with it for a second, he is able to free his length.

Will looks up at Hannibal’s pleading eyes as he places a kiss on his tip. A small bead of precum was already leaking from his psychiatrist. Will puts the tip in his mouth and moves his tongue in circles, teasing him.

Hannibal runs his fingers through Will’s dark curls, breathing heavily.

“Mmh Will…”

Will looks up at the man and admires the view from this new angle. Hannibal’s jaw clenches as he arches his back with pleasure.

Will takes the whole length in his mouth and bobs his head, causing Hannibal to let out the softest moans. The feeling of Hannibal's strong hands tangled in his hair sends a warm shiver down Will's exposed back.

Will's pace speeds up as Hannibal's breath quickens; he can tell he is getting closer to climax.

Hannibal looks down at Will, meeting his eyes. The image of his beloved Will with his mouth full of his cock is intoxicating. He growls and bites his lip to stifle himself.

With that, Will takes Hannibal's entire cock and throats it, causing the man to jerk with pleasure.

"Oh- fuck," Hannibal moans loudly.

Will realizes he has never really heard him cuss much before. He also realizes that he finds it incredibly hot that he is able to make Hannibal unravel like that with just his mouth.

Will deepthroats Hannibal again, drawing another whining growl out of him. Hannibal is so deep in his throat that Will's lips are practically pressed against Hannibal's skin.

Then, Will pulls back again and gently sucks the tip.

"Ah- Will... I'm- gonna-"

One more time, Will takes Hannibal's whole cock down his throat as he climaxes. Will feels Hannibal's length pulse as he spills down his throat and lets out a satisfied, breathless moan.

Their eyes meet again as Will swallows. He smiles as he notices that Hannibal's cheeks are pink and dewy with sweat. His own lips are puffy and red from the friction, and Hannibal stares at them longingly.

He pulls Will in for a kiss, tasting himself on his lips. Then, he smiles slyly.

"Now it's your turn."

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wotchergiorgia · 2 years

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17 people, 17 questions

firstly, thank you thank you thank you to @ekraaamm for tagging me!

nickname | gio (sometimes jo, but I hate it) - to be sincere, many people, to make fun of me, call me girgia, because when I was in sixth grade, while writing down my name on the Art folder, I forgot the O... so, well, basically giorgia became girgia to anyone who was there in that crucial moment.

sign | aries, rising in libra

height | 5,5 ft

last thing I googled | masterchef starting date

song stuck in my head | "there is a light that never goes out" the smiths

no. of followers | 140

amount of sleep | on average, I think around 7hrs

lucky number | 7 and I really don't know why

dream job | psychiatrist - forensic psychiatrist would be amazing, but I have to think about it

wearing | brown jeans, dr martens, school green hoodie - yes, today I look like a tree

movies/books that summarize you | movies atonement, about time (plus all the wizarding world production and A LOT of comedies). books the brothers karamazov, one hundred years of solitude, to the lighthouse, anna karenina, the umbereable lightness of being, letters to milena, the book of laughter and forgetting

favorite song | "something about the way you look tonight" elton john, "into my arms" nick cave, "last night I dreamt that somebody loved me" the smiths and "my melancholy blues" queen. I can't really choose

aesthetic | chaotic. chaotic academia in the cold seasons and chaotic cottagecore in the hot ones

favorite authors | kundera, dostoevsky, màrquez, tolstoy, woolf

favorite animal noise | bird's tweeting

random | I'm fond of chocolate. chocolate is my first and last love

tagging: @nymph-ad-ora @dopesoulcookiegoth @sapphiceffy @optimistic-nihilist @fictionalturtlenecks @in-love-with-remus-lupin @cunningfate @chillpotato @thelatinlibrarian @mkvx @nymphpens @poems-she-wrote @deniselavestal @ohwhpotter @expectolibrary @justpoetrythings @bookworm-on-rainy-days and anyone else who wants to join!!!

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kiwifrowner · 6 months

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Dec 29, i am a monster that doesn't scare anyone but myself.

30, someone sent me a mail that had just one line "Maybe we just need to wash the pain, but don't know how to?".

31, i laugh like a weirdo. because they only know how not to become the god they don't want to see. yet end up being one.

Jan 01, my house with open doors is a lovestory. my mom is crushed into a hug those hands weren't the softest ones. when people leave the doors are banged.

03, this time my wrists accept the knife like butter does. after a while I am slapping bandage upon bandage, wound is getting worse and I name it healing.

06, there's a beauty in completion. i chant my favorite line for sixth time in a minute. I write a love poem ending with how I burned my house and ran away. now there's bullet between my teeth. i hate how i don't come with a blueprint of how to get rid of the monster i am.

09, i keep blabbering about myself. you look little less pale from last week, but still less alive. my third psychiatrist says that I shouldn't have made horcruxes of myself.

16, why can't we be lovers? he asked- cause that's the terrible thing to be, i said.

20, i cellotaped a diversion board on my neck. when y'll see it. walk away.

23, i said walk away.

26, my mobile beeps, 23:08 i received a text— what do we call regret, when we did everything right? "wrecks that shouldn't be wrecked at the age they were wrecked" 23:10 delivered.

29, there's a sticky note on fridge annd whatsapp message from mum with red, yellow and pink hearts. I think she knew I had a black one. dry. of love.

Feb 01, one day i will no longer be the rumors you heard about my easy parts. when i will let you in. there will be footprints, footprints of people who didn't apologize for stomping.

03, i-i.

04, i will pinch my neck and swear I didn't do it. just like that. we will be children again. will you believe me? when you see a girl sleeping on the couch but that's not me I swear. I didn't kill me.

— muffinsincoffin, diary entries

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jasmyluv · 2 years

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i wanna be yours

heizou & kazuha x gn!reader | wc: 1518 | college!au | them courting you :)

~ courting ; evident in courtship in the philippines is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving before having a romantic relationship with the filipina. this respect extends to the filipina's family members.

~ in heizou's part, reader is said to be a psychology major

shikanoin heizou ♡

meeting heizou:

you went to the library to get some books for the midterms, you wanted to study as much as you can.

when you first met him, he was reading a… criminology book?

interesting… you thought.

unfortunately for you, he felt someone staring and looked right back at you

(awkward…)

“hi! can i help you?” he broke the silence.

“ah, no. just surprised a criminology major would be reading a book instead of practicing martial arts.”

“haha, well yes. i could practice. but, professor sara said i need to study more about criminal behavior. besides, i’m already pretty good at punching and kicking stuff.”

you giggle at his words.

“is punching and kicking really all there is to martial arts? it sounds easier than med.”

“well of course, criminology isn’t always about martial arts. it’s also about predicting what the criminal will do and what the outcome might be so you can stop whatever they’re doing.”

“true… you know if you’re struggling with human behavior, i can help you with that.”

“oh? what’s your major?”

“psychology.”

“well, then, future psychiatrist, i’ll give you my number and i’ll ask you when the time comes.” he tries to subtly wink, though failing because you saw him.

“you’re funny, what’s your name?” you ask, getting more curious as to who this is.

“shikanoin heizou. yours?” wait…

he’s the shikanoin heizou!?

the one that could beat you to a pulp with a single punch!?

“hehe, you looked surprised. something on your mind?” he asks nonchalantly.

“uhm- no, it’s nothing. just didn’t expect i was speaking to the guy who could kill you with just his hands.”

“kill is too harsh, no? i prefer beat. you still haven’t told me your name yet, sweetheart. unless you prefer for me to call you that.” you’re flushed and he’s using it to his advantage. is that a skill criminology majors have?

“it’s [name]. [name] [last name].”

he went silent for a few seconds, then smiled.

“hm, [name] as in campus crush [name]?”

“hah!?” you almost screamed, what was that nickname and who made it?

“you didn’t know? almost everyone wants to be you or be with you.”

“who made that name for me?”

“someone named “kaeya” from criminal justice.” you should have known…

“well i’ll go talk to him. i need to go now, heizou.”

“wait, where’s your number?”

“oh yeah, a second…” you typed in your number phone, he beamed once you gave it back.

“alright… i still need to study for midterms. bye.” you swiftly left the library, forgetting to get some books you needed.

kaeya also got a special visit from you.

heizou courting you:

he’s a peculiar type, always trying to annoy you or, in his words, spend time with you.

he uses the “i need help with human behavior” excuse but most of the time, it’s just him trying to flirt with you.

“[name], what else do you do best other than taking my breath away?”

“do you know what kind of fruit you’d be? no? well, you’d be a fine-apple.” (i laughed here)

“are you dead? ‘cause you seem like you’re straight from heaven.”

“would you be the muse to my inspiration?”

“do i ever tell you how dreamy you are?”

would give you his jackets and hoodies just out of the blue or when you’re cold and you forget to return it.

they’re all bad and you know it, but he still manages to make you blush.

you didn’t know if it was because of his looks or his lines because they were so cheesy.

“aren’t you cold? here, have my jacket. no, i’m not cold right now.”

he also gives you gifts randomly. but when it’s for your birthday, god damn, where did he get the money for this?

he also calls you pet names.

“here! happy birthday! hm? well, it’s a laptop. why? ‘cause i know you need it and i had some money so i thought i could gift it to you. me? i already have a laptop.”

“sweetheart, could you help me with this?”

“lovely, can i borrow a pen?”

“well, don’t you look good, darling.”

you don’t really mind since you think it’s his nature to subconsciously call people pet names.

whenever you try to tease him by calling him a pet name, he’s as red as the youtube icon.

“heizou, darling, kindly give me the pen back.”

“huh-!?”

yeah, not very composed.

though you have to admit that it’s cute.

people always see you and heizou around campus, almost as if you’re stuck together by the hip.

people ship you two but you’re more focused on getting your diploma before any relationships.

but, dear lord, how annoyed you were when heizou heard this.

“hehe, others also seem to think we’d be a good match. don’t you?”

kaedehara kazuha ♡

meeting you:

a new café just opened, of course you’re going to see what it’s like!

once you’ve set foot inside, you were met with the amazing smell of pastries being baked and coffee being made

yup, your new study area.

you decided to try their latte, it looked good on the menu, it should taste good too, right?

“next, please.” the cashier told the line. you were next, so you mentally prepped yourself. let’s just say you're more on the introverted extrovert side.

“good afternoon. may i take your order?” the cashier asked.

“uh, can i have a latte?” you tell the person. the cashier looks like your age, he has a unique hairstyle, might i add.

“of course, that will be $3.99.” you give five dollars, getting the change back.

“what’s your name? for the latte.” he asks, if you were being honest, he looked cute.

“[name].” you gave an innocent smile after.

“alright. i’ll call you when your order’s ready.” he gave the same smile back, it sent butterflies in your stomach.

god damn, he was cute. you thought.

you went to your table getting out your laptop to start an essay due.

after a few minutes, you finally hear your name get called.

“[name]?”

you get up and get your drink, thanking the cashier as well. you could see that his cheeks were tinted a baby pink after handing your drink, almost as if he was embarrassed to give it.

you go back to doing your essay, going on for hours until it was sunset and they were closing. only then did you notice there was something written on your cup.

“hey! text me when you have time :) xxx-xxxx-xxx -kaed”

you blush, did the cashier really like you so much that he gave his number?

little did you know, he watched your reaction and he must say, you’re cuter when flustered.

courting you:

ok.

when you both found out you go to the same university and were in the same creative writing class, you were suddenly always sitting together.

some found it weird but let it go because it wasn’t their business.

he also gets lattes from the cafe and gives it to you when visiting.

his love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service!!

i can picture him going to your apartment and just do random shit with you.

example; going on omegle and calling random people, although you do most of the talking, he just listens to your melodic voice

another is writing poems and showing them to you, yeah you’re a blushing mess when you find out his inspiration is you.

whenever you both are together, he would always tell you words of affirmation, one way or another.

“you look beautiful.”

“have i ever told you that i’m grateful you’re in my life?”

“i’m proud of you.”

“i’m lucky to have met you.”

whenever you’re struggling in your literature class, he would just give you pre-made poems and sonnets so you won’t have to and, of course, they’re amazing.

they make your heart flutter, especially when it’s love poems.

“to have you in my life is amazing,

because of you, i would do everything.

the shining sun does not compare to you,

for your smile is everlasting and true.

i adore everything about you.

you welcome the world as if it was new.

of course, i love everything you do,

how i wished you knew my feelings for you.”

of course, you would get a high score but would feel guilty

so you bring him to whatever store he would like and buy him anything he wants.

but he always declines and says “i offered to give you my work. i don’t need a reward in return.”

gosh darn it, he’s so humble i can’t with this man!!

he would play you tunes by his leaf

you were obviously very confused and a bit concerned because what the hell, who plays with a leaf?

but when you heard it, oh my god it was so good!!

you told him he could be on a band

he said no and stated that “it is but a hobby i do for fun and i don’t plan on pursuing it in the future.”

i love him sm

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julyafternoonthoughts · 3 months

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26

A list of things that helped me get through this year

Degrassi The summer I turned pretty Chalk drawing on the driveway in the summer with my nephew Knowing that I can drive even if I dont do so often my blue nikes Pumpkin syrup in my coffee Nice for what by drake My psychiatrist 98cent root beer from costco Cutting off tiktok Potatoes with margarine, gravy, and cheese Chopping my hair slushies Magnesium Blankets Vitamin b12 Mineral salt In too deep by sum 41 -singed a 27 year old who has been 27 for two months now and is reading back through her notes app and found this little poem I made the day before my bday this year.

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allisonswritings · 3 months

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Introduction

Hey, my name is Allison. This is my side blog containing writings from poems I've finished, and books I am working on. I am an ambivert; I match the energy you give me. If you're an ass, I'll be an ass. If you're yourself, I'll be myself. If you're nice then I'll be nice. You get it. I'm an October baby. I've been writing since I was in second grade, so for nine years, with two poems published, 28 written in total, and am currently working on 13 books.

My pronouns are she/her and I am straight.

I dream of becoming a psychiatrist, joining the national guard, and graduating from an Ivy League school.

I am 17, a minor. Please no weird messages. I'm fine if you're older than 18 but don't message in a weird way or I'll hit the block button faster than you can blink.

My main blog is @the0nlyallison where I do a lot of reblogging and random posting.

My socials:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61555026725869&mibextid=ZbWKwL

Pinterest: https://pin.it/4Ne7aYf8T

Discord: the0nly_allison (it's a zero not an o)

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@the0nly_allison?si=9zR1QxdDhHOPBZvo

Wattpad: the0nly_allison

*i will post motivations and inspiration on my Facebook at least once a day*

*my Pinterest and YouTube will contain things similar as to what would be posted on Instagram until I actually get Instagram*

*my Wattpad will have the same stuff on here, I just write it on there and copy and paste it here*

Feel free to add me and talk to me. My dms are always open. If you ever need a talk I won't judge and will be here for you.

#introductory post

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sounwise · 2 years

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CH: How have you dealt with your bereavement? PM: The main answer is my kids. I don’t know what I would have done without them. Being such a close family, it hit us pretty much equally. They lost their best friend as well as their mum. It hit us all hard, but they have been very strong and very helpful. We’ve cried a lot together. None of us has held that back. We pretty much still cry, daily. Because Linda was so important, so much the center of everything in our lives. So it was mainly the kids. But I did get a counselor, realizing that I would need some sort of help. And although it’s not much of a British tradition to do that, I was married to an American so I know quite a lot of people who have no problem with psychiatrists and counselors. Funnily enough, Linda used to know psychiatrists when when was young; she’d say, “I used to sort out all their problems for them.” And you know that’s true. So I knew a particular one, who I talked to. He was a good help. It was mainly to get rid of some of my guilt. When anyone you love this much dies, one of the first things is that you wish you could have been perfect—every minute of every day. But nobody’s like that. I would say to Linda if we were arguing, “Look, I’m not Jesus Christ. I’m not a saint. I’m just some normal man. I’ll try to do something about it but that’s who I am, that’s who you’re married to.” So I had quite a bit of guilt and probably still have. You remember arguments. When you’re married you don’t remember them so much, you just get on the next day and as long as you don’t have too many and they’re not too bad you figure it evens itself out. But when someone dies, you remember only the arguments in the first couple of weeks and the moments when I wasn’t as nice as I would have wanted to be. So I need counseling with that. I found that really helpful. (continued under the cut)

[—from “Tears and Laughter” in USA Weekend (October 30, 1998)]

Friends have been very supportive, we’ve got a lot of lovely sincere friends who, because of the nature of Linda and I, unless they’re sincere they’re not our friends anyway, and they’ve been very helpful. And funnily enough, and something that I didn’t expect, the public at large have been a huge help. I thought that if you didn’t know Linda, you might not get it. But I was wrong. So many of the thousands of letters that I got said, “Although we never met Linda, you could tell that she was a great woman.” For some of them, it was because of her attitude to animals. A lot of others said it was because of the way that she brought up our kids. Yet they wouldn’t even know that we had kids, you hardly ever saw their pictures in the paper, we guarded their privacy in case when they grew up they wanted it. We figured you couldn’t rob them of that. The public said, a lot of them said, “It was just the way that she brought the family up,” and I realized that so many people did get what Linda was about. From one little fragment, you could tell. It still shone through. The public sent very uplifting quotes and prayers. A lot of them had been through a similar grief. They’d write and say how they’d lost their wife and this little poem they’d enclose had sustained them. A lot of people sent me a lot of good stuff that helped me. But it was mainly the kids. Now, when I get sad, I do pretty often; like if I go for a ride she’s not with me—I find myself going down, I let myself go down for a moment, just because I have to. And then I try to counterbalance it and think that Linda’s life was very upbeat. She wasn’t a downbeat kind of person, so she wouldn’t like it now if I went downbeat. She was always the one for the joke. If you spat inadvertently while you were talking to her, she’d say, “Do you serve towels with your showers?” She just had a line for everything. If you looked a little inattentive while she’s talking she’d say, “What, am I boring you?” She was a really funny lady, very witty. A delicious sense of humour. She was happy. So I use that now. I balance every sad moment with a happy moment. That kind of helps day to day. It helps me get through.

#paul mccartney #paul and linda mccartney #1998 #usa weekend #paul and grief #this has been in my drafts for many moons but it remains A Lot :'(

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bekandrew · 1 year

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Now Available!

I'm proud to present my first community content available for sale here. Here's the cover summary: Geraldine “Geri” Wayfield grew up as the pastor’s daughter. The pastor was a faith healer who could back up his claims. The family-cult she descended from was frequently blessed with impressive feats of spiritual power. Spiritual Gifts were supposed to be her birthright from God, and Scars were a shameful sign of lacking faith.

The problem was, she wasn’t developing even the lowliest Spiritual Gifts despite her father’s power. And he was impatient and cruel. Spare the rod and spoil the child, after all.

Now Geri’s grown up and her father’s dead. She killed him. Her cohort helped her after she finally Diverged and escaped the cult after decades.

Today she’s in her first therapy session with a Remade psychiatrist. Maybe she’ll even attend more than one session. This is an illustrated novella that contains 16 original internal illustrations. It also features a poem in the introduction by my cousin who, like me, has personal experience with cult/religious abuse.

Content warning: This novella is for mature audiences and contains discussions of abuse, particularly physical, emotional, and cult/religious. Drug use and self-harm (in the opening poem) are also mentioned. Reader discretion is advised. It's been a journey and a meticulous process preparing everything and I'm glad it's finally over. I hope some of you can enjoy this work with me. You don't have to be terribly familiar with Deviant: the Renegades as most of the relevant parts of the setting should be explained in context. For more information and creator commentary on Thoughts and Prayers, check out my tag here.

#chronicles of darkness #deviant: the renegades #storytellers vault #writing #novella #thoughts and prayers update #ttrpg #drivethrurpg #now available #my content

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the0nlyallison · 3 months

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Introduction

Hey, my name is Allison. This is my main blog containing mostly reblogs and random posts I may make. I am an ambivert; I match the energy you give me. If you're an ass, I'll be an ass. If you're yourself, I'll be myself. If you're nice then I'll be nice. You get it. I'm an October baby. My hobbies involve cleaning, reading, working out, studying, and scrolling through various social medias.

My pronouns are she/her and I am straight.

I dream of becoming a psychiatrist, joining the national guard, and graduating from an Ivy League school.

I am 17, a minor. Please no weird messages. I'm fine if you're older than 18 but don't message in a weird way or I'll hit the block button faster than you can blink.

My sideblog is @allisonswritings where I post poems and pieces of writing ive written

My socials:

Discord: the0nly_allison (it's a zero not an o)

Pinterest: https://pin.it/4Ne7aYf8T

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@the0nly_allison?si=9zR1QxdDhHOPBZvo

Wattpad: the0nly_allison

*my Pinterest and YouTube will contain things similar as to what would be posted on Instagram until I actually get Instagram*

*my Wattpad will have the same stuff on here, I just write it on there and copy and paste it here*

Feel free to add me and talk to me. My dms are always open. If you ever need a talk I won't judge and will be here for you.

#introductory post

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kaypeace21 · 2 years

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El, Kali, and Henry: and the theme of psychiatric ab*se (analysis) .

I’d almost recommend reading my other psych post first: I did a whole post about the (different) mental health allegory relating to “ vecna’s curse” ( in relation to his victims, such as Max). These 2 posts will really illustrate how prevalent the psych themes are within s4 and prior seasons.And just how great the Duffers’ writing is.But, given the (um... oddly thirsty) reception to Henry as a character.I’m going to have to preface this by stating the obvious- my explanation of why Henry does what he does is not excusing of any of his horrid actions. It’s simply an explanation. And goes with the broader psych themes in the series. So let’s begin.

We kind of see the exact moment- Henry probably decided to implement his lab massacre plan (the RULE talk/ electrocution scene):

We later see Henry get electrocuted by Brenner (because the "RULES' still apply to him in the same way- as they do to the other numbers).

In Henry's speech to el after the lab massacre: he mentions " making his own RULES" (aka his explanation for the massacre is him saying it’s going against Brenner's ab*sive RULES).- Despite what he’s did to the numbers being unjustifiable, since they were v*ctims of Brenner’s rules too).

And again vecna targets people with mental health issues who are actually seeing a good psych counselor (Mrs Kelly who has a clock necklace): but Henry as a child glares at the clock- while discussing : " straight jackets" and the "RULES" (aka the idea of being trapped with psychiatrist dr. Brenner who implements ab*sive "rules" and called him "broken"as a kid).

This is what caused him to snap completely as a kid and as an adult... Brenner (and wanting to escape Brenner’s grasp/ ab*sive “RULES’). We see as a child Brenner was already medically treating Henry- and the thought of being locked away with Brenner made him attack his own family-and later his lab family .

Both of his v* olent rampages and psychiatric breakdowns have to do with trying to “break free” from his psychiatrist Dr. Brenner.

If the psych allegory wasn’t obvious already the tracker in Henry is called “Soteria” (which is an alternative to a psych hospital).

Nothing Henry did was justifiable but if Brenner (and the lab) wasn't so ab*sive who knows if it would have happened? Was henry just destined to be evil- or is his disdain for his doctors *as a child/adult * (and his villainous outcome) a critique of the mistreatment mental health doctors caused to some patients in the 50s-70s? What would have happened if Henry had a proper psychiatrist? Mkultra (which Brenner is a part of)was literally run by psychiatrists -some experimented on unsuspecting psych patients in psych hospitals. One v*ctim of mkultra, Esther Schrier, was a pregnant women with depression : who was electrocuted so badly she became incontinent, and unable to walk or talk (which is very reminiscent of Terry). The fact that Terry is stuck in a “dream” (as Becky called it) because Brenner electrocuted her . While peter became a literal dream monster (vecna) because of electrocution/Brenner is starting to seem like an obvious parallel. Not to mention, in s4, we see vecna and Brenner cause people to have nightmares of the past (to further solidify the parallels) .

I don't think this theory is that farfetched. When s4 tackles mental health themes- and we see how poorly victor creel is treated in the psych facility. Henry even stated he wanted his father to be placed there -which seems like a vindictive act of revenge (since his parents wanted to place him in the care of an ab*sive psychiatrist, even if his parents were unaware of how bad Brenner was ).Also need to mention in s2, we literally hear about kali saving a girl (Dottie) from a mental asylum. And behind kali it says "o'bedlam" : a british poem about society discarding /mistreating the mentally ill. Bedlam was also an American documentary about the mistreatment of the patients at mental hospitals- and it even discussed the connection to dungeons and dragons. Or the infamous bedlam asylum- which shaved it’s patients’ heads and t*rtured them .And guess what- Dottie was (very old) british slang for "mentally ill". Kali even describes people like Dottie as similar to her and other numbers. These of course aren't the only examples of mental health in st, the themes of mental health have been there since s1, and there’s too many to list here.

We see a lot of parallels of Henry to other characters(but also significant differences)...

kali/8 in a s2 flashback is electrocuted by a guard similar to Henry : Henry even mentions 8′s escape to el . He may have seen a kinship with Kali as well (similar to El) so helped her escape.

It would explain both henry /kali telling el to use an (angry) memory to be more powerful, both saying to El others see them as "monsters" because of their powers, both describing the lab as a "prison", and both being associated with spiders . Both even have illusion powers. I think if kali learned what Henry did to her "siblings": it would probably cause her to have an existential crisis of sorts. Because a lot of her life philosophies were probably inspired by him. I do believe if kali returns she will side with el though .

The biggest difference between Kali & Henry is that: henry sees people like himself... and hurts them. Meanwhile kali "saves" them. We see this contrast via the pointing of the head gesture. Sunshine says “ we were de*d , all of us...kali saved us.Here” (points to head). Meanwhile El sees all the people Henry k*lled- and Henry (points to his head- and says’ they’re “in here”).

However Brenner points to El's head and says that's the real "prison". This obviously has hidden symbolism relating to El’s mental tra*ma. But it shows Brenner not realizing that numbers like 1 and 8- saw him and the lab as the real "prison" rather than their mind.

El/ Will /kali are all implied to have ptsd and or tra*ma ( but they have support systems of friends/family- unlike Henry). And unlike Henry, El & Kali escaped the lab (but Henry was trapped with Brenner for his childhood and adulthood).Like Kali...El/Will are also paralleled to Henry in a few ways-perhaps to show Henry as the worst case scenario if they didn’t have these positive influences . It’s why El defeated Henry with a positive memory of love -relating to her mother. Or how max’s positive memories helped her escape vecna. It’s because love is the cure to defeating vecna (something vecna/henry didn’t feel he experienced).

If curious about what the parallels were-

Henry and Will: both have their parent say they are ‘sensitive’ , both are artists , both are undead wizards, both wear plaid, are associated with fire, moved to new places, and had a sibling see a dead rabbit. Both mentioning “wanting it (life) to be over”. Vecna means “forever”, Will was handed a “forever clock” (clocks hands in both boys houses also move supernturally).

Meanwhile El moved to a new place like Henry and felt ‘different’, and like a ‘monster’. and both say they ‘make their own rules’ (because of their tra*ma with Brenner).

But , again Kali, Will, and El may parallel Henry but it’s what differentiates them from Henry that’s significant (their support systems and morals).We see both Kali/El empathize with those with similar tra*ma. But, Henry hurts people with similar tra*ma to himself .When he does this, he feels closer to them (via seeing their memories). It's almost like he doesn't know how to make bonds with people and does this para-social dynamic instead as a replacement for real companionship . He claims as a kid he's naturally like a spider, a "solitary" creature that is "feared'. But, it seems like as a child he was always alone and never actually wanted to be the ‘solitary’ and “feared” spider. Otherwise he'd never would have asked El to join him, in the first place- if wanting solitude . Or be upset Brenner saw him as a "monster"/ "feared" him ( like how humans "feared" spiders). But, I digress...

Henry's v*olent actions were still his own choice and ultimate undoing. He could have just escaped with El (but chose to hurt the other numbers before hand ). And now like how he caused nightmares for others- El caused his worst nightmare . He mentioned putting a "mirror" up to people - but El did so to him as well. Throwing him into a mirror , and making him experience his worst fears: electrocution, imprisonment, and becoming a solitary- feared spider monster.

What I find interesting is how at the psych hospital the dr mentions music and says some are ‘beyond a cure’ . And Henry says he is also beyond a cure too . Perhaps El/Will being associated with ‘the cure” is showing how they may have mental health issues too- but they aren’t irredeemable because the love and support they have helps them heal. Unlike Henry who was taught as a child- he was simply ‘broken’ . And, of course, it could also allude to the 2 characters being important in defeating Vecna (aka being the cure).

#henry creel #martin brenner #el hopper #will byers #stranger things #kali prasad

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