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legoflowrs · 10 months

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HEADCANNONS

c/w: drinking, drugs, addiction, abuse, slight nsfw

AGED UP TO 18 MY PEOPLE!!!!

A/N: ok so in the headcannons he’s with Stan cause Style is very dear to my heart but in the relationship headcannons he’s with reader xx

Kyle Broflovski

- Massive fucking NERD!! (pls i love nerds).

- Got straight A’s throughout high school.

- Was on the honour roll and was on student council.

- Firm believer in basketball Kyle supremacy.

- Came out as Demisexual and Bisexual (male leaning).

- Stopped being super strict on Kosher throughout high school but kept that a secret from Sheila.

- Never stopped being insecure about his nose. Literally at one point started saving for a nose job till Stan talked him out of it.

- Drinks almond milk.

- Thinks thrifting is gross cause he’s a germaphobe. Washes his hands like 50 times a day.

- When I hear the song Basic Instinct it reminds me of Kyle.

- The Smiths > The Cure.

- Style: Stan fell first, Kyle fell harder (bro i love these dweebs lol).

- Was legit so in denial about being in love with Stan for the longest time.

- His Dad pushed him to study law but he ended up studying psychology to become a child psychologist because he saw the effects of unchecked mental health in children while he grew up.

- Got really drunk once and Kenny pierced his septum. He has it flipped up most of the time.

- Hates glasses so wears contacts.

- Such a fkn mummas boy lol it honestly was a problem at one point.

- Didn’t do his own laundry till he moved out. Did not know how to put sheets on a bed 👍

- Such a good relationship with Ike, he would die for his little brother.

- Did someone say abandonment issues!!!! Could not keep a partner to save his life during high school.

- Smoked weed with Kenny twice and then freaked out after he greened out.

- Got addicted to nicotine during college and used it as an outlet because he put so much pressure on himself to be perfect. Spoke to his doctor and he’s trying to quit.

- Defs listens to Phoebe Bridgers because he has a strange relationship with his dad.

- His dad pushed him to be perfect all the time until Kyle had a massive breakdown in junior year that burnt him out for a long time.

- A family man!!! Wants kids pretty early on into his life.

- A god at poker.

- Hates taking photos of himself.

- Still pretty insecure about his hair but Kenny and Stan helped himself to accept it and even start taking good care of it.

- Really struggled with anger issues.

- Stopped speaking to Cartman completely.

- Forest green is his favourite colour.

- Writes poems and makes people cry with how nice his birthday card messages are.

- First out his friends to get a license. His parents paid for his car.

- Such a damn backseat driver.

- Didn’t really work until he moved out.

- I think he’d help Heidi out at the community gardens.

- After Heidi finally ended things with Cartman, her and Kyle became really close friends.

- Had a friendly academic rivalry with Wendy through high school.

- Him and Wendy study together in college often.

- Has a record player.

- Grew closer to Craig’s gang in senior year of high school. Goes record shopping with Tolkien.

- Very accident prone.

- Has diabetes.

- Loves picnics and simple activities like stargazing.

- Smells like pine needles and the ocean.

- Actually a fantastic swimmer.

- Did drama in sophomore year.

- A massive library in his house. Had to instil a book ban on himself because he was spending all his money on it.

- Really nice eyelashes.

- Comes home to celebrate Hanukkah with his family every year.

- Did long distance with Stan during college. They almost broke up a few times but pulled through.

- Enjoys taking pictures of nature.

- Takes Ike to the movies very often.

- Has the nicest knitted sweaters.

- His guilty pleasure is Taylor Swift.

- HE IS SO MIRRORBALL CODED.

- When he’s in a good mood he loves baking and often bakes for his friends.

- Kenny, Kyle and Stan do day trips together super often. In my world these three never grew apart they are inseparable 🤞🤞

Kyle in a relationship

- An absolute gentleman. Refuses to let you get out of his car without him opening the door for you. Holds doors and pulls out seats. Always gives you his jacket.

- Was very insecure about his sexual inexperience. But y’all guided each other through it. I think there’s something so sweet and special about that.

- Touch tank by quinnie is all I have to say 😼.

- Loves kissing your neck and ears. He kisses your knuckles as well it’s very tender.

- Combusts when he sees you getting along with his family. Especially his Mum and Ike.

- Let’s you touch his hair, it relaxes him a lot.

- Opens up to you about his struggle with his Dad and nicotine. You are his biggest supporter through it all.

- Even though he hates photos, he’ll have a polaroid of y’all in his phone and wallet. Plus a photo booth strip in his car.

- Y’all will bake at midnight together.

- You go on fancy dinner dates together and rate the restaurants in the car together.

- Avid Letterboxed users lol! Give each other show and movie recommendations all the time.

- Kyle always had trouble sleeping but there was something very comforting about your presence so he’ll spend a lot of time at your dorm.

- Writes poems for you.

- Brings you flowers every time the old bouquet dies (ugh what a man).

- BUYS YOU LEGO FLOWERS!!!

- His love languages are gift giving and quality time.

- Keeps a list of all the dates you’ve been on.

- Will take such good photos of you fr! Your biggest hype man.

- I think his short temper would be a problem for you guys but he loves you so much he works on it so hard.

- Your praise means the absolute world to him.

- You guys always go to carnival together and share a caramel apple, it’s like tradition now.

- Couples costume for halloween always.

- Asks for your Dads/Mums/Guardians blessing before he proposes to you.

- Loves the smell of your perfume/cologne. Like it’s seriously intoxicating.

- Proposes to you with his Grandmas ring.

a/n: guys i love kyle so much i’m gonna make his mood board now <3

also if any of these are ooc in ur opinion it’s just for funsies and my opinion hehe

#south park x reader #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle broflovski headcannons #south park headcannons #my boy love him

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minhosimthings · 8 months

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Skz as Mythical creatures

Bang Chan - Werewolf. There's nothing to question here about this. Man literally gives so much wolf vibes that writers on Tumblr use wolf memes for his smaus. But also werewolves have been used throughout history to provide a sense of wisdom combined with misinterpretation. Wisdom, in the form of living and going through so much in their moon drunk lives. And like is that not Chan?

Lee Minho: A warlock. Warlocks are basically wizards who get their magic from evil sources. They conjure magic called 'blue magic' aka evil magic from shady sources and repay that debt with their own blood. They have been known to help people from time to time but only the people who need it the most, like a raped woman who no one believes. Oh also they are known to have cats as their companions! And they live very secluded lives usually in forests and grow mushrooms. My brain is dying thinking about evil warlock Minho cause my standards are so fucked up

Seo Changbin: A dragon. Listen LISTEN TO ME. I chose a dragon for Changbin, because they have many myths of false appearance. When I first got into skz, I really though our Binnie was the most serious person in this group. But then I saw how those hips moved, and I was like 'oh so he's Barbie and Shakira combined and put into one man'. Dragons are known as fierce creatures who protect the gold that they hoard and destroy villages, but how much of that is true? Mostly they do it to protect themselves and the gold which they have rightfully earned. Also they are extremely loyal and friendly once you understand them and don't harm their loved ones (yes even dragons have loved ones)

Hwang Hyunjin: Selkie. Selkies are basically mermaids, who originate from Scotish folk tales (trust me they are VERY popular here). They turn into seals in water and turn back into human if daylight or moonlight touches them, Aka if they come on land. They are very dual creatures, being pretty and kind to most humans, especially women, but they can also be the most savage beasts when it comes to men who have corrupted for their own pleasure. Their siren songs are very captivating and they are known to make art out of conch shells.

Han Jisung: A shapeshifter. Han Jisung is truly a puzzle. Like man could be intense babygirling one moment and then two seconds later literally kill all of us with wavy hair, sweaty face and those fingers playing the guitar finger kink go brr. Jisung is more fitting to the shapeshifter brand when you realise that the humans who used to be good at doing everything and not crack under intense pressure were awarded this shapeshifting power by the Gods. So yeah our fourth gen ace would definetly be a shapeshifter.

Lee Felix: A fairy. Need I explain anything? Need I even write an entire essay about this? (Already wrote it but fine). He would definitely be a healing fairy. Like he would whip up medicines and hide them in his delicious brownies to trick unwilling children into taking them (MY HEART IS TOO WEAK FOR FELIX HANDING OUT BROWNIES). He would def live in the woods in like a tiny cottage, which is decorated with creepers and vines and soft moss, where he rests his pretty wings, excuse me I need to write something on this.

Kim Seungmin: A nymph. Nymphs are actually more powerful than they are portrayed nowadays. Many of them were sons and daughters of river or tree Gods and they used to possess the quality of being able to fic someone in a trance with their voices. LIKE HELLO? MR KIM SEUNGMIN WITH THAT GOLDEN VOICE? Also they were known to be mischievous, always teasing pixies and fairies and taunting beings older than them. (I am not making this up yet legit used to taunt old trees for being so old and wise because nymphs never used to age or they would age VERY slowly)

Yang Jeongin: A vampire. Alexa play Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo please. I mean dude's literally immortal I'm telling you. He looks LIKE THE SAME PERSON EVEN WHEN HE WAS A CHILD LIKE HOW? If y'all look at me, I look like a completely different person from when I was a kid. And also there's something about our baby bread that just screams vampire vibes. Like he would totally live in a castle all alone, drinking blood and having foxes as pets.

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weltonlasso · 1 year

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Someone needs to shake Ted and remind him that when oxygen masks come down on planes you put your own mask on before you put it on your kid.

I just can't imagine this ending well for him...

ABSOFUCKINLUTELY they do. Had about 5 old women comment on a Tweet I made about this to tell me that I was not supposed to understand the overall story of Ted Lasso. that it was “obvious I don’t have children” and couldn’t possibly get what is so beautiful about Ted choosing Henry.

(k. Thanks Pam, I’m so glad all the Facebook moms with the awesome insights got the Ted Lasso ending they wanted!!!!!!)

I have been telling myself—like legit people are saying 10/10 perfect finale, no notes, which is truly insane to me but also here’s the goddamn thing.

I am a child of divorce. My my dad cheated on my mom constantly when I was young. When I was 16 I got a birthday card from an address I didn’t recognize. I opened it, thinking probably an old aunt or something. It was signed “with love, your sister xxx and not mom xxx”

and that’s how I found out from one of his mistresses ON MY BIRTHDAY that I had another sibling. I just sat there in the driveway of my house while I tried to reorient myself to this new world I found myself in. AT SIXTEEN.

My youngest sister (by my mom) was 6 at this time. And my mom made her choice to stay with my dad out of obligation to their children. She didn’t want my younger sisters to grow up in a different home than the one we lived in. She wanted to raise all of her kids there no matter what.

He left us a year later.

Cut to the next 10 years of my life 17-27 trying to be my moms partner, confidant, punching bag—she took all of her anger for him and directed it at me because I was still there.

My life will never be the same because of actions and choice that my dad made that specifically caused me and my family pain. I have spent years in therapy and will probably never ever have a relationship with him again. Obviously.

But it also really sucked having a single parent who relied on me for EVERYTHING. It is only now many year later, in therapy, that I can recognize the psychological effects and the physical toll it took on me to play that role. And I had no other choice because I was a child and this was what my mom needed from me. I did not have the skills to recognize that pulling me into the role of adult and spouse and caretaker to my parent would fundamentally change they way I saw myself and how I interpreted things around me. I wish to god my mom had not put that on me. It’s hard enough finding yourself as a child, it doesn’t help to have the extra burden of being “caretaker” to a parent when you’re still learning who you are. When your feelings are never validated because you’re always making sure your parent is happy and supported. YOU FEEL VERY ISOLATED. It’s a fucking burden to have to do this for a parent!!!!!!!!!!!!! And be strong for them when there isn’t anyone to be strong for you!!!!!!!!

Phewww felt compelled and somehow that all came out and now y’all finally know my big connection to the show!!! Father trauma at age 16!!! It’s fun here!!!!! Let’s NOT do that to Henry, how about?

Cause Ted definitely would have had enough therapy by now to be aware enough of the pressure he’d be putting on his young son by acting this way. and it frustrates the shit out of me that the show can use this misguided interpretation of “therapy” to say LOOK AT OUR SHOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH and then literally drop the ball on the storyline, like legit. Just. stopped. caring.

Instead the show really said: like ya actually instead of all that baggage, let’s cut that for time. From now on Ted is just a mystical woman who floats in and out of the lives of the people who need her.

WHO NEEDS THERAPY WHEN U CAN FLY.

#I guess Mary kinda FLOATS IN WITH HER UMBRELLA BUT U GRT MY POINT #sorry for oversharing !!!!!!#but this therapy thing has just had me in a fuckin rage all day #TED LEARNED NOTHING IN THERAPY #ted lasso #anonymous #anon asks

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uraharasandals · 1 year

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YO so like, about my fave characters. My twelve year old self had a major crush on Toshiro when I first watched Bleach and the love is still going strong even now LMAO

As for Karin, I recently read the Fullbring Arc and I found it so wasted how her potential was wasted?? Like it was legit said how she had a lot of spiritual pressure, and she was seeing Urahara (ur bae) for something?? And HE SAID HE WOULD BE MAKING PREPARATIONS FOR STH TOO???? LIKE. UGH. SOMETHING WAS DEF UP??

As for Momo, I just think she's cute! She looked so good at the end of the series UNF. I also like her relationship with Shinji HAHAHAHA the few panels we got in the manga were super cute!!

Thanks for asking me Abt my faves too bubs, and for allowing me to kinda ramble a bit 💛

HEY HEY Sorry for the absence I'm back!! Realised I got covid so I have some free time now lmfao

Honestly bestie, same. I had a huge crush on Toshirou when I was younger - and then I got into Byakuya, and then Yoruichi just dropkicked the queerness into me and it's been like that ever since. But honestly, kudos to you for your love remaining strong because I could never commit to anyone :')

No I totally agree!! Between the two, Karin definitely has more potential for the plot and even for me (i.e. someone who doesn't really give a shit about the human-centric arcs in the real world *coughs discreetly*) I could tell Karin is and honestly should be a strong character with a lot of focus in the Human World. I could totally see her following in the steps of Ichigo and becoming a Shinigami, or even, god forbid, a Quincy/Fullbringer.

Like honestly why the hell aren't the rest of the Kurosaki kids touched upon when it comes to the whole Hollow/Shinigami/Fullbring/Quincy schtick? Yes, Ichigo is the protagonist so of course he should get the bizarre shounen mix (and honestly, rightfully so because those two don't need more trauma) but Karin seems to be hyperaware of everything that's going on around her. I'm sure she at least suspects her dad is something supernatural, as annoying as she finds him at her tender age. But also thanks for pointing that out to me!! (and pointing out my bae too, brownie points to you) I'll definitely keep an eye out next time I rewatch that arc

Momo is so cute indeed!! I hate that she became something of a doormat as time passes but her rushing in to save Matsumoto from the Tres Bestias was definitely a huge slay. Honestly if they didn't get Ayon in I'm sure the two of them could hold their ground. I hate that she became basically filler character material for Kubo and kinda sidestepped after the SS arc, like she is honestly so much more than her relationship with Toshirou and Aizen, but sometimes the fandom (and me) forget about that.

And yes her relationship with Shinji. 100% support. Shinji would've definitely beaten that blind subservience out of her the minute he re-assumed office and tells her to stand for herself or he wouldn't accept her as lieutenant - at least, that's how I imagine it. I wish we got more Momo and Shinji interactions, that would've been fun!!

Also absolutely no worries!! I love hearing other people's opinions, and I am an absolute sucker for long asks in my inbox <3 Fire away whenever you want!! :))

#bleach #asks #hitsugaya toshirou #hinamori momo #kurosaki karin #honestly it's really fun to hear people talk about their faves #it's a community after all!!#I love Kubo's characterization most of the time and as a writer I understand the need to prioritize #but at the same time this just makes me realise how much wasted potential there are #it's just sad yanoe #considering writing something for shinji/momo now (platonic) hmhm...

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raspberryconverse · 1 year

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*sigh*

You probably don't want to listen to me ramble about today's mental health struggles, but in case you do...

So I finally came clean with my psychiatric NP about how miserable I've been (hair trigger temper that leads to full on sobbing fits and self harm thoughts) and had 2 weeks of blood pressure readings and she decided to taper me off a medication I've been on for literally 15 years. I've mention some of these things, but not exactly how bad it's been. This medication can raise blood pressure and heart rate (my resting heart rate is around 100, which freaks out just about any healthcare worker who takes my vitals), so it's probably a good idea to just go for it. She also wants to add a medication I took when I was in middle school (so we're talking almost 25 years ago), which I'm not thrilled about, but who knows. Maybe it'll help. Maybe it won't. Maybe it'll make it worse. We'll see, I guess.

She also wants me to try to shift my sleep schedule, but I really don't care to do that, so I don't think I will. Stubborn Coley is coming out when we talk about it next time.

It's just been really bad lately.

When I was out running errands this afternoon, I made a left turn onto a busier street where it's hard to see traffic coming from the left because of the parked cars and I almost got hit. We both swerved enough to miss each other, but god, what if we hadn't? My mind legit jumped to "I kinda wish he would have hit me." And that shit's really fucking scary.

Before I go any further, I have to explain that I really don't have suicidal thoughts because I'm an atheist and believe that when you die, that's it, and thinking about dying frightens me in a phobic way. Self harm, yes. Way too much lately, TBH. But definitely not suicide. So that thought popping into my head is really fucking scary and that's how I know something's really really wrong with me right now.

I also had therapy yesterday, so that wasn't fun. I talked about how I feel like I'm self sabotaging. Like I'm see how far I can push my spouse with my behavior. My therapist says that usually when people do that, they actually want out. IDK if that's really why I do it. If anything, it's that I think I don't deserve what I have, so I try to see how far I can push it so I can get what I actually deserve, which is clearly not someone who puts up with me as much as my spouse does. Nobody should really put up with me, but for some reason, they do.

And don't get me wrong: I reminisce a lot about the past. I can think of one ex in particular who I think about a lot. I know we weren't meant to be and I've seen recent photos of him and he did not age well. I mean, maybe I would have been ok with that if we had ended up together because it obviously doesn't happen all at once, but yeah. I still think about the random person who commented when I started writing in my LJ again last year and how they told me they read my blog way back when (and were a friend of a friend of another ex) and they said they were always "Team Rob" (I'll use his first name because it's a fairly generic name). I have such rose colored glasses about that time in my life. I have such fondness for how I felt then. But he knew his family would not approve of him marrying me and he made the right decision to dump me for grad school. But god, what if?

This is getting rambly. I just took my bedtime meds, and not the tapering dose I was supposed to start because I'm still a little scared. I don't want to feel this way, but I also don't know if I actually don't want to feel this way. It's strangely comfortable, in a

sort of way. IDK how to explain it.

As much as I hated therapy yesterday, I can't wait until my next session on Wednesday.

#i also forgot i used the last of my coffee this morning #after i made 2 trips to petco #because i'm a failure #thus the 2 trips to petco #so tomorrow's going to be even shittier than today #hate myself #medication #therapy #mental breakdown #mental health #tw mental health #tw meds mention #tw depression #tw harm #tw sui ideation #is this what marriage is?

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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3/31/23

Spring has started. I can tell. I can feel myself changing, like a flower blooming. Emotionally, I guess... personality-wise. I think getting outside and socializing helped a lot too. But I legit am feeling myself grow more optimistic and confident. Despite lots of stress. Despite extreme isolation. Despite the same limiting anxieties.

Today was very different. I had a really good dream. But, very vivid. My dreams have been insanely vivid lately. This one was really nice. There was a woman in it. Fuck it, I'll just share what I remember. It's a little embarrassing because of like... how far I've strayed from the confident person I used to be... but it's a good representation of like... the juxtaposition of who I currently am and who I used to be/aspire to become again.

I was out at dinner at a restaurant. I remembered it was too late to order delivery (past 9, it's rare for me to remember numbers from dreams, so that was how vivid this was), so I said fuck it and went out to a local restaurant that I found on an app. I remember it had some like... kinda fancy gastropub-like name, so I was like... "oh, my brother and his wife would probably like this place", they're both foodies... but the restaurant had (Applebee's) in parentheses after it. That sealed the deal for me! XD

When I was out at dinner, I was there with a young girl. She was probably about... 8? I would guess... I'm not very good at guessing, I'm a childless guy in my mid-30's who only has a less-than-1-year-old nephew, I'm not really well-versed in the skill of guessing children's ages. This girl was someone I was there to babysit, I was in the guardian role, I'm guessing she was a symbol of my god-daughter or a daughter figure, or an analog of my nephew in the future or something. In past dreams of mine, children under my care have typically taken the form of female so often that I'd honestly be surprised if my first child was male.

So I'm out to dinner with this girl and the waitress comes over and takes our drink order... and I get anxious for some reason, pressure I guess? I hadn't looked at the menu. I skimmed the menu and picked out a Shirley Temple, and the waitress kinda side-eyed me and went... "are you sure? That's kind of a kid's drink..." And I... dude, I fucking backpedaled. I was like... "oh... yeah... well, in that case, I guess I'll have a Sprite, that's fine." And as the waitress was walking off to take the order, a woman at a table nearby flagged her down.

She was an attractive blonde around my age, she was with her daughter, who was around the age of the kid I was taking care of. She said some conditions to the waitress that I didn't catch or don't remember, but it was something like... "if _____ happens, you need to bring him that kid's drink." Like... intentionally, lovingly, prankishly putting me in an awkward position so I would have to fucking "yes, and" my way through that shit. Like I used to. Like I haven't fucking done in ages.

I used to jump at the chance to make an ass out of myself! Okay... here's a few tangential stories, for my own sake, to remember the good times, the person I was and still am deep inside. I went to a metal concert with my brother and two friends. This was ironically the one where I got kicked in the shin with steel toed boots. I had so much adrenaline pumping through my system, I really didn't think it was that bad at all. I bought a pair of booty shorts from the merch booth for myself, as a stupid goofy outfit. I had tons of weird goofy clothes to wear to kinda... subvert peoples' expectations and make an ass out of myself to lighten the mood and lift spirits. Like a Jackass kinda thing. So at the end of the show, it was like... I guess... maybe very early summer, so... still pretty cold at night. And after the show, I was in the parking lot in skate shoes, black booty shorts that said "Yo Ho" on the butt, no shirt and sunglasses, chainsmoking with a lighter tucked into the front of my pants. Why? Because it's fucking funny, no one dresses like that! It's out of place! Idk I thought it was funny, like an Eric Andre or Tim and Eric or Jackass kinda thing.

Another memory that keeps coming back was the second year I got to play with one of my bands on stage. We had a band that was called ShugaLoaf, a completely improvised rock/metal jam band. My brother was part of the band, we had 3 guitarists, a bassist and a drummer, but we rotated instruments a bit, so I would rotate between guitar and drums, T-Humps would rotate between guitar and drums, shit like that. And I played that gig with... silver spandex hot pants, barefoot, a T-shirt with a sliced loaf of bread drawn on it and cut in half so it was like a crop top, a green clip-on bow tie, gold glitter painted fingernails and a fucking whole-head rubber wizard mask. It was so much fun. I don't even care if we were any good, honestly. I don't care if those like 40 people watching us enjoyed us, or if we were just complete crap. I loved just acting goofy and being weird and having fun. It's like that feeling you get at a Halloween party, you know? And you can get that feeling any time you want, if you want. It's just... less "socially acceptable" to do it outside of certain environments, so it helps to have supportive friends, or to just not give a fuck what people think. I tended to fall more in the latter camp, and... that changed quite a bit over the years. Especially after dating someone who never went along with my "yes, and's".

So... in the dream... this woman who I had never met before had overheard my anxious fumbling situation, and my neurotic "oh man, what are people going to think of me if I'm seen ordering that drink, oh mercy me..." bullshit. And she added in some game conditions where I would, somewhat by chance, be put in that situation and have to figure it out. And it was so... fucking... relieving. It was like a weight lifted. I could see how silly it was. And I knew so fucking well that someone like her was exactly what I need in my life to rejuvenate that part of me. And I know she lives inside of me, which is really cool, and I can tap into that whenever I want. But... god, it'd be so much cooler if I met someone like her... XD Right? A guy can hope.

The dream time-jumped a bit, she came over to the table, it turned out that her daughter was in the same class as the girl I was caring for, they were friends. It was a nice connection, we hit it off.

Later in the dream, the chick was skating down a sidewalk that goes down a big hill, this was on a college campus... most of the dream took place on a college campus for whatever reason... and the sidewalk just like... suddenly dropped like a curb right where the hill went to flat, and then continued normally after the curb drop. And she was coming down the hill and did that thing that I did skating the other day, that people who are not as experienced or comfortable on their board do, where they kinda jump off their board and run away in a different direction. Because she saw the curb and didn't want to eat shit on it, it spooked her. And I went over to her and she was upset about how like... "god, how could they put this here, that's so dumb, it totally ruins it", and I was kinda like "yeah, I think that's kinda the point! It stops people from bombing the hill". But I saw a golden opportunity to teach her how to comfortably drop down curbs, and help her with that; instead of being upset, to see the fun in it and the opportunity to learn a new trick, and... I woke up.

And... I couldn't get back to sleep. I could barely even journal it. Because this was after only 4 hours of sleep. And my brain is just a chaotic fuzzy mess at that point. I'm basically sloppy drunk at that stage, especially with several days of sleep deprivation added to the pile. So, I dream-journaled it, which is why I remember so much of it. And then I went downstairs and got a snack and passed out in the comfy chair again. Not sure why passing out down here works better than just passing out in my bed, but... hey... if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

I woke up the second time at 2PM. Right when I needed to be up for a shower before my doctor's appointment. All went as scheduled, I got to the appointment, the dude was really nice. But he did hold eye contact a lot. Which, at a core level, I appreciated... but in my experience of the moment was super overwhelming. To go from very rare social interactions, like... barely making eye contact with strangers in the hallway... to full-on holding eye contact alone in a room with a stranger, where they are wearing a mask covering half their face, and they're between you and the door. I mean... it's fucking intense, especially for someone with doctor-related trauma. I don't feel... threatened by it. It's just... intimate and overwhelming. Overwhelming, that's the best way to put it. It's like someone just like... injected a whole energy drink into my veins all at once or something. And this went on for... nearly 45 minutes. Dude, I was absolutely blown away that the doctor made so much time for me. I was completely expecting a 15 minute one-and-done appointment. And this dude actually made time for me, and addressed my recurring infection thing, that he thinks is a result of me shaving my head... interestingly enough... Like shaving my head is cutting my scalp, and then the bacteria are just... setting up shop in there and the infection is secondary. So... instead of bombarding it with antibiotics, which did not work, we're going to try to reduce the inflammation to make it less painful, and try a different self-care regimen. Either I'm going to keep my hair at a low buzz instead of basically stubble... or... I might grow it out. It might actually be time to go back to like... ponytail-long hair. It's been ages. But hey, if that will make these fucking nasty pimple-like things that hurt like fuck go away, I'm in. Speaking of, the doc actually took a sample from one of them too just to figure out what was going on with it, but had to like... pop one... and I'm just going to tell you right now. If you are ever offered the wonderful opportunity to have an infection on the back of your scalp popped... don't miss out on that gem of an experience. Absolutely wonderful sensation. Think those headaches you can get right where the occipital bone meets the back/neck muscles, plus... intense swelling pressure, and then kind of a feeling like getting tattooed, followed by stinging.

So yeah, it was good to have a pleasant doctor's experience (minus the little bit of pain). He seemed genuinely interested in my story and not rushed for time, which I expressed appreciation for very openly. I had my therapy appointment after, which went very well also. We're very buddy-buddy now, which is nice. We felt very on-the-same-page today. And I explained a lot about the anxiety shit... the big amorphous wall of anxiety, and how him reminding me the connection to the polyvagal system has been really helpful for me. I made the connection that like... well, he reminded me that I was raised with pretty poor expectations of relationships, because of my family. And I elaborated that, in addition to this, I had crap luck with friends, too. And romantic partners. And maybe I just didn't know any better? I didn't know that better was a real thing and that walking away in those situations was actually like... a good thing? I just got bad d20 rolls, you know? Meet a person, happens to be a fentanyl dealer.

And he brought into the conversation this time that I... see the best in everyone. EVERYONE. Like, I could see the best in a fucking Great White Shark that was eating my leg. Or a black hole that I was being sucked into. And we went back and forth on that, how frustrating that one of my best qualities, that has been a quality of mine since I was born, something very deeply rooted in my personality, has led me to where I am now. Because people have taken advantage of it. And used me. And abused me. And drained me dry. And left me bleeding on the side of the road. And ran. And screamed and blamed and pushed me away. You name it. And I took it all, and forgave it all. Because I see the light in all of us. I see us all as being redeemable. And there are many many many many many many many many many many many times that I wish I didn't. That I wish I could just turn that off.

And that's where the paradox comes out. If I see the light in everyone... why am I walking around expecting the darkness in everyone to strike me? Why am I skating and expecting someone to pull a gun on me? Or pull a knife when I'm walking to the medical center and try to steal my AirPods? Or have a cop pull me over and give me a ticket for skating in the sidewalk? Or have some cranky asshole yell at me because the clacking of my wheels on the sidewalk was "too loud". If I see the best in everyone, if I can forgive the Devil himself, why am I expecting the worst to happen all the time? It still confuses me. It hasn't always been this way.

And I explained to my therapist that I think that is the trauma component. That was because for years... since about... oh crap... I was gonna say the whole pandemic, but it was the summer before that too... and with my last relationship... at least a lot of it... so... let's be generous and say... since about 2017? Since around when I moved into my old house, the one on the pond? That's when the shit hit the fan. That's when I people really close to me... were regularly, very regularly, gaslighting and projecting and blaming me for their insecurities and unmanaged emotions and shit. It started with my ex. Then it was my parents. Then it was my little brother. Then it was 2 of my former best friends. Then my only other friend at the time. Then I looked around, and there was no one left. It was like when I finally pulled the Jenga block of my ex out of my life... in time, the rest of the tower just collapsed.

And, I shit you not, the catalyst for this was... me reconnecting with myself, rediscovering my confidence, rediscovering my creativity and inspiration, and cultivating motivation myself and diving head-first into creating my new life. A life that's about... 4 years old now. Happy birthday, New Me. :) Past Me would be scared shitless to share all this on the internet with random strangers, but New Me knows that life is too precious and fleeting to be scared of peoples' superficial judgement. At least... he tries to remember that... as much as he can... But man, people can be really fucking loud and nosy with their judgement, huh? People just really don't know when to keep their opinions to their selves anymore, do they? Thanks, Twitter.

So... I was kinda summing up for him that I think what I'm having is just sort of a... generalized trauma response to... being around figures that have more power than me? Because of being regularly yelled at and blamed by people very close to me, regularly, like several times a week, every week, for years. And having that be the only social interaction I had. It's like... you put a dog in a closet and smack it on the nose every time I tries to come out... it's gonna wince every time it comes out of the closet. Right? So... slow and steady... I'm just chipping away at the anxiety reflexes by building up my library of experiences, so it's not 95% of the time bad things happen when you interact with authority figures... it's like... 75%. Then 50%. Then eventually 20%... and so on. Like with my doctors. I definitely have a bit of medical trauma. A lot, actually. So... I was in the doctor's office all hunched over and shoulders up and had to be really deliberate to make eye contact. I think I was visibly not good. But the nurse was super chill and helped break the ice, and the doctor seemed very understanding and patient, and didn't seem to judge me the way I was expecting. So... my doctor percentage right now is like... 80% bad and 20% good. Which is much better than like "I shouldn't even bother setting up an appointment, they're just going to accuse me of drug seeking and kick me out." Much better.

So yeah, I got chinese food and watched an RP stream and that was basically it. Did some runs in the desire path project that I'm still super insecure about because I just don't think anyone will fucking get it... but yeah, since that's the case... here. Fuck it. I'll export the current progress and put it here. In case anyone read this far down.

That's 80 trips now. Looks pretty cool, right? It keeps giving me lightning vibes. I'm going to 100 runs, then I'm going to either start a new one... or... the idea that popped in my head today was... If I pop this into Blender and use the grease pencil, trace all these paths one by one, I can actually... animate this. I was thinking it might make more sense and be more accessible for today's audience to make a video for this kind of piece. That tells the concept, explains the parallels that I'm exploring (development of habits, learning, synaptic connection), shows bits of the process and then displays this final product in a form that's a bit more dynamic. I mean, this is very striking for me, because I know what it means, I know the scale. That circle shrine at the top has a 17m diameter, for scale. And I've seen the development of the really thick lines where the path has been steadily growing, to the point where there's nearly a solid line all the way throughout that formed completely unintentionally, it was just a byproduct of intuitive pathfinding as I was building a routine. So yeah, I'm putting a lot of thought into storyboarding and scripting a video for this and then putting it on Instagram and YouTube. I think it'll be good.

So yeah. Unfortunately, it got late again. But I have nothing to do tomorrow so... I might take a small dose of tincture tonight and try to just catch up on sleep as much as I can. It's very overdue.

Oh... and I have to finish my hoodie still... Hmm... Soon, soon... XD

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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apollostears · 3 years

Text

TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR [ BTS ]

group: BTS

pairing: BTS x daughter!reader

warning(s): swearing

request: can you do BTS reacting to their 15 year old daughter having a boyfriend/girlfriend?

requested by: @mela3340

oomfggg this was so fun to make!! thanks for requesting the first request of 2021 :) hope you enjoy love <3

➝︎ jin

he’s literally dramatic af.

#dramaking

but no really, he’ll be shook to the gods.

like huh??? his child got a partner?!!!

my kid?!!! IN THESE STREETS?!

he would faint, then wake back up and shake her til she’s dizzy.

ok but on a more serious note, i think if he saw his daughter have genuine feelings for this person they’re with, he would support a 100%

definitely wants to meet them asap

would chaperone their dates but in a way that’s soooo cliché. i mean ugly ass disguises cliché.

will definitely have a heart attack if his daughters partner used the fake ‘yawn-over-the-shoulder’ move while at the movies.

all his daughter would hear is someone choking horrendously a few rooms behind them and instantly know it’s her dad.

will call the boys up every time she asks him to go on a date with their partner or if they can come over to hang and study.

“i’m at a lost here! it’s like i’m in the war!” jin exaggerates on the group call with his friends.

“hyung, i think you’re over exaggerating.” jungkook would say sheepishly.

with the straightest face, jin would hang up and contemplate his choice in friends.

after about the sixth month mark, i do think he’d let up a tremendous amount.

like he’s no longer breathing down her neck about them and allows them to go on dates without him, so long as she tells him where they’re going.

10/10 is the dramatic dad that goes through a midlife crisis when their daughter starts dating.

➝︎ yoongi

mans does not care.

ok lemme clarify, he doesn’t care to the extent that jin does. he trusts his daughter and her decisions and understands that this is an important part of her life. he’s gonna try his hardest to not overstep.

but deep down, he definitely is having a hard time coming to grasps that his daughter is in love and starting to enter the dating world.

he understands the pressures surrounding dating too, especially at fifteen. so he’s definitely giving a nice lil lecture about sex, safe sex, consensual sex, and commitment.

and yes, yoongi knows that most of these young love relationships don’t last long, but he wants his daughter to know that her relationship is legit to him. no matter how old she is.

will look intimidating af to their daughters bf or gf. he definitely overhears them discussing if yoongi likes them or not 💀

looks like he could kill you and will but is also such a sweetheart once you actually know him.

doesn’t do no undercover brother shit but will follow his daughter on their first few dates just because he’s worried. isn’t overbearing and keeps a good distance.

honestly, if anything it brings his daughter a lot of comfort to know her dad is there to back her up 🙂

100%!is the father that seems like they’re chill on the surface but on the inside is working overtime to not be overreactive when their child starts dating.

➝︎ namjoon

is literally the 😯 emoji

when his daughter tells him that she’s got a lover, he literally looks exactly like that emoji.

he’s like “love? what you know about that?”

is extremely confused the entire time. yes, he knows that at her age, children start experimenting with dating but he never actually thought he’d have to deal with it.

was definitely worried that he’d lose out on daddy-daughter time once she started dating.

that was his biggest fear. that his daughter wouldn’t need him anymore. she would no worries.

is deathly afraid of his daughter experiencing heartbreak. their s/o could be the perfect match for his kid, he still wouldn’t care. namjoon is going to be worried regardless.

constantly asks for updates on their relationship to see if he needs to give any advice on how to keep the relationship going.

he doesn’t see their love as something immature. namjoon values it the same way he would value an adult relationship.

which meansss giving them the birds n the bees. same as yoongi, a thorough talk on sexually transmitted diseases, birth control, safe sex, you name it.

was incredibly nervous to meet the person their daughter was dating 💀 like how you supposed to be the daddy but more scared than the actual date.

chaperones his daughter’s first couple of dates. doesn’t get in their way but definitely makes his presence known when does attend.

has a strict “have her home by 9 or else” policy.

won’t ground their child if they give them a heads up on why they would be late.

is 100% the type to be the “work in progress” dad that wishes there was a book on what to do when your teenage daughter starts dating.

➝︎ hobi

mans was like “awww my wittle baby likes somebody!”

was wayyy more excited about meeting their child’s s/o then what is deemed normal.

don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely protective of his kid but hobi understands that these things happen.

it was bound to happen that one day his daughter would start dating.

doesn’t hound his child with questions but is very curious to learn more about this bf/gf that their daughter has.

when he meets them, he’s very scary looking at first. switching into serious hobi, he intimidates the kid just a bit before breaking into a grin and letting them know he was kidding.

is the type of dad that would make their daughters’ s/o fall in love with him 💀

hobi gets along with virtually anyone so it wasn’t hard for him to bond with the s/o.

however, he does make it known that he is a father and while the kid seems to be an alright choice for his daughter, he still lets them know that he will go liam neeson on a motherfucker if necessary.

doesn’t follow his daughter on dates but somehow ends up attending some of them because they both want him around.

on the times he doesn’t go, there is a curfew in place and it’s 8 o’clock 😔

hobi is 100% the dad to become friends with their daughters’ bf/gf but still be a force to be reckon with when needed.

➝︎ jimin

probably the one who meddles in their daughters love life.

sees their daughter walkout of school with a guy and is asking fifty million questions on who he is and if she likes him.

all for her to turn around and be like “dad, i’m gay.”

and he’s like 🥺🥰 “good, boys are disgusting anyways.”

so now he’s scoping out girls that could be a potential match for his kid 💀

“what about her?”

“nah, she’s a little rude to me.”

“you know what they say! she likes you!”

“no dad. just...no.”

was not expecting the girl his daughter chooses but can totally see it once he actually gets to know her.

is constantly giving his daughter cute date ideas for her to do w her gf. definitely has a pintrest board of places for them.

will happily be a chauffeur for his daughter if necessary. this can be good and bad. good bc yayay free rides. bad because she has to deal with a jimin that wants to be on time or a jimin that makes them ten minutes late to a movie showing. there is no in between.

he doesn’t follow his daughter around. mainly because he’s always driving them but if he doesn’t, she still gives him a heads up on where they’re going.

doesn’t mind them hanging sleepovers or leaving the door closed but will totally pop up at random times to be nosey.

is definitely in his daughters corner anytime someone tries to give her and her gf a hard time for being together.

a 100% the dad that’s constantly involved in his child’s love life but not to an extreme point. is totally just excited to be there and apart of her world.

➝︎ taehyung

the motherfucker is all smug and shit talking about some “ i know ” 😏 when his daughter approaches him about her new partner.

lets be real; taehyung would know his daughter like the back of his hands. he would have suspicions that she’s seeing somebody but won’t pressure her to speak until she’s ready.

acts like the fbi when he finally meets their daughter’s partner.

is stalking all social media, finding where they work, who they guardians are, and where they grandma stay 💀🤣

but it’s really because he knows how dangerous people are and the last thing he wants is for his kids’ life to be in danger.

is definitely a hard ass to whoever his daughter ends up dating regardless of gender. will go major payne on a motherfucker real quick.

does not care if he gets caught watching out for his daughter while she’s on a date. will deadass sit there and stare them down as they look at him, completely unbothered.

after meeting their partner a few times, he’ll become a bit more loose in regards to their relationship but will still eye them wearily.

his daughter is very important to him and he’s just worried about any potential heartbreak she may experience.

“have you ever killed?”

“uh, no sir. i-i’m only fifteen...sir.”

kisses teeth, “would you kill for my daughter?”

*beat of silence, two horrified teenagers*

scoffs, “pathetic. d/n choose a new partner.”

“dad!”

seems like a hard ass and is a hard ass but it’s completely out of love.

is 100% the dad that gives their daughter’s partner a hard time and will hold such a passive face that they’ll never know if he likes them or not, but overtime will start loosening up and accept them for who they are.

➝︎ jungkook

he was thoroughly surprised.

like...she might as well had told him she was pregnant.

jk needed a moment to comprehend that his daughter...his precious jewel was dating.

just the thought sent chills down his spine with his dramatic ass.

immediately demanded to meet the person who stole his daughter from him. and when he found out it was the bad kid from school??!!! mans was heated.

i mean really? the juvenile delinquent of ALL people?

he feels this way mainly because he remembers how he was as a kid and he knows how anal teenagers can be. really just wants the best for his kid.

is present for their first date. why is that? because it was at their house with him sitting on the opposite couch, watching them like a hawk as they attempted to watch a movie.

after that, his daughter had a serious talk with him about personal space and independence.

jungkook didn’t like the fact that he had to have this talk, but he understands it’s importance. him and his daughter have a sacred bond with one another that he doesn’t wanna risk breaking all because of his overprotectiveness.

that overprotectiveness does come in handy though because their daughters’ partner is always on time when it comes to getting her and dropping her off. honestly, if his daughter ever tried to convince their partner to skip curfew, their partner would text jungkook to snitch 💀

“so...you tried to skip curfew, eh?”

“wha-? how do you know this?!”

smirks, “i see all d/n. besides, your partner knows not to cross that line with me.”

“i literally cannot stand either of you.”

this has definitely led the daughter to question if she has a relationship or if her dad has a relationship with her s/o.

after about three months of them dating, jungkook turns into a pretty chill dad to be real. at that point, he understands that he can’t protect her from pain. so, he might as well just try his best to support his daughter through everything she does.

is 100% that is overly dramatic at first and comes off as incredibly scary but eventually comes down to earth and becomes a big teddy bear 🥰

❧ join my taglist: @olamidey @knjkitten @pimpnameyannie @sweeneyblue1 @sunrayyellowhalo @exomama-random @simplyskz-maya @valkryienymph @supop @namjoonswifeyy @asparagusclifford

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violetnotez · 4 years

Text

HC: Y/N Wears a Revealing Version of their S/O’s hero suit

God it’s been so long since I’ve done headcannons, I miss them so much! These I’m going to keep tame, cause I don’t want them to be toooo spicy!

Also, I didnt iclude Shindo and Shinso, sorry! I realized rather quickly how long these got and didnt want to bog down this post, hope thats okay!

Pairings: Mirio x reader, Tamaki x reader, Bakugo x reader, Kaminari x reader (all characters aged to 18+)

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Mirio

It would be a disgrace if I didn’t use this pic

So you had been invited to a photo shoot for a pretty high end boutique to be one of the models

Were you stoked that this extremely prestigious brand wanted you on their front cover? Yes. Were you terrified as hell? Also a fat yes.

Mirio, being the adorable boyfriend he is, was hyping you up for it

“Your going to be amazing sunshine! Ya never know until you try, ya know?”

Even with him being your support, you still felt extremely self conscious

“I don’t know...I’m not a model, I don’t think I can do it-“

“Don’t talk so negatively like that babe! What if I came with you, would that calm your nerves some?”

Your practically melted into him, giving him the biggest hug everrrr

“Oh my god would you? That would make me feel so much better-“

“Of course babe! Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it!”

So the day of, you came into the photo shoot fresh faced and pale as hell from nerves

They seperated you from Mirio, taking you to the makeup area and clothing area

You entered a room lined with extremely bright makeup stands and racks of clothing, your area in a small corner to the right with a mannequin wearing a certain set of clothes

You finally realized what you were actually modeling-and your mouth dropped

No wonder the asked you to model, being Mirio’s girlfriend-it was a sexy version of his hero suit

It was a skin tight leotard, the number “1000000” scrawled against your chest, a thick red cape draping against the back

Lemon colored glasses and thigh high blue boots completed the look, a huge gulp reverberating from your throat-

How the hell were you going to pull this off? In front of your boyfriend no less-

You pain stakingly got your makeup done and your hair, your strands pooled up like Mirio’s hair in the front and the rest cascading in bed head curls

You finally got the skin tight costume on, looking at yourself in the mirror-you felt nervous but-strangely calm-you didn’t look half bad, actually

A small smile graced your face as you walked out, your heels clicking against the floors as you walked into the photo shoot room

Now the question was where was your-

“Hey sunshine! Whoa, that get up looks great, looks pretty similar to something I wear dontcha think?” He was totally teasing you, his tone playful as he leaned into your blushing face

Suddenly your bravery was gone and you were a nervous wreck-your boyfriend was looking at you with hungry eyes, his orbs gazing over every exposed curve

“Mirio, you don’t have to look at me like that-“ you whined, feeling your cheeks burn bright red

“But I want to look at you like this babe,” he smiled, his voice dropping as he licked his lips- “you look absolutely delicious dressed up like that.”

Tamaki

“Oh cmon Tamaki, please come with us!” You pleaded with your nervous boyfriend, his brows furrowed in fear

It was the middle of October, and you and Neijire were planning to go to an early Halloween party in the middle of town

“I-I wish I could go bunny, I really do, it’s just-“

Tamaki was fiddling with is hands, his inky black hair cascading over his distraught face

He would love to go with you, but the thought of people, and dancing, and dressing up, and oh god what if they made fun of his costume-

You placed a kiss on your boyfriend’s cheek, sending him a reassuring smile

“No worries, Tama, I get it-just stay home and chill, I’ll make sure to come home a little early,”

“Oh-okay,” he obliged, watching you go into the bathroom to get ready

Tanaka decided to do exactly what you asked him to do-he watched some TV, ate some food, anything to calm his nerves as you got ready

After an hour or so, you emerged from the bathroom, walking into the kitchen in your full get up

Your hair was straight, see through yellow glasses covering your eyes. You wore a black leotard, the fabric hugging your curves as a beige cape draped around your thighs. Two purple belt laid against your hips, drawing attention to your plush thighs as your boots clicked around the apartment

Poor Tamaki practically choked on his cereal when you walked in-when you said you were wearing a costume, you didn’t tell him it was his hero suit!

Tamaki walked over a blush erupting over his face, “Y-y/n? W-what are you-wearing?”

You spin around, guilt pooling in your stomach as your eyes met your boyfriends flustered gaze

“I’m sorry Tamaki I should have told you! The party is “hero” themed, so I thought the best suit to wear was yours-do you...want me to take it off?”

Tamaki vigorously shook his head, his cheeks a fiery red

“N-no! Please don’t! Honestly, that’s the last thing I want...” he stuttered his shaking hands resting on your hips and pulling you gently to his chest

You had never seen Tamaki so bold-your eyes widened, your hands placed against his chest

“-but I don’t think you should go to that party tonight”

Bakugo

You ran over to Bakugo, your phone screen containing a pic of a cosplayer dressed up in full Bakugo hero suit, gauntlets and all

You legit shoved it into your boyfriends face, your face beaming- “look how cool this costume is!”

“Tch-Only I can wear my hero suit as well as me,” Bakugo scoffed, going back to eating his ramen

You looked at him distraught and disbelief- “Cmon, Bakugo, you had to admit it’s pretty cool-“

“Cool? He’s a fucking wierd ass nerd, making my hero suit...” Bakugo said under his breath, his eyes now glaring at his phone screen

You placed your hands on your hips- “So if I wore your hero suit, I would be ‘wierd ass nerd’?”

Bakugo chuckled harshly- “Yeah-but you couldn’t wear it, like I said, I’m the only one who can pull it off-“

Ha-if that fucker wanted to play, then you were here to win

You slammed your hands down on the table, your arms encasing a surprised Bakugo in between your arms

You gave him a wicked grin, making Bakugo’s crimson eyes wide with surprise-“Bet bitch.”

Y’all are so mean to each other 😳

You stomped out of the room, your mind now reeling-you had ZERO idea how to make his costume...

You quickly made a call to Mina and Momo, telling them about your predicament-Mina would help you design, and Momo would help make the materials

Both were extremely open to helping you, especially Mina-any attempt to destroy Bakugo’s overly high ego, she was down to do!

But she had a twist to your intial plan- “what if you did a sexy version of him! That’d show him!”

You weren’t exactly sure how that would do anything, but eh why not-if you could make him even more mad, this was the way to do it

Momo was hesitant to make such a lewd outfit, but you quickly reminded her of her revealing hero outfit

-she quickly agreed after that

Mina designed the “suit”-honestly it was just a bra with two orange X’s, bootie shorts with a grenade belt, and green ribbon connecting to the black thigh high boots

You complained to Mina about how uncomfortable the high heel was, which she responded with “Beauty is pain!”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes

How would Bakugo’s suit be complete without the gauntlets! You three had the hardest time with that-deifnitely spent a whole day watching 3 hours worth of cosplay tutorials to make those damn things

But after many hours of snacking, hot glue guns, and screams of annoyance, you three FINALLY had the costume finished-and you couldn’t be happier! It honestly made you feel so cool and powerful...especially those gauntlets-

no wonder why he wore the clunky things, they honestly were fun to wear

You decided to wear the outfit before Bakugo came home one day, your face smug as you waited for him to enter your shared apartment

You finally heard the click of the door, Bakugo wearing his usual baggy pants and shirt he wore when he came home, his shoulder holding his duffel bag full of things

“-Hey”, he welcomed you gruffily, not even noticing your attire

“Hey yourself-“ you replied, a shit eating grin on your face as you walked over to him.

He still wasn’t looking, too busy rummaging through his bag- “Am I still a wierd ass nerd?”

Bakugo looked up, and holy shit was he in for a sight

When you said you would make his hero suit, he didn’t take it that seriosuly- you? Make his suit? Psh like that’d happen

BUT IT HAPPENED

You looked-really good in it too-he deifnitely was appreciating the extra skin that was involved 😳

You smirked at his obvious surprise, his cheeks a fiery red as you did a small spin in the suit- “How does it look?”

Suddenly you felt pressure against your wrists from Bakugo’s hands, your back now against the wall as Bakugo drank you in with his piercing red eyes

Now it was your turn to be surprised-cause crap you didn’t expect that to happen

He was now in control of the situation and he knew it-he gave you a shit eating grin, making your blood feel incredibly warm

“-it looks decent...but I think it would be better on the floor”

Kaminari

“Mina no, I’m not-“

You were in shock, flabbergasted, confused-when did they have a intimates based off of hero suits?

AND WHY THE HELL DID THEY HAVE YOUR BOYFRIENDS SUIT

“MINA YES!” she squealed, giggling as she pulled your size out of the rack

The little outfit was pretty revealing- all it was was a white lacy bralette, with a short black jacket with white lighnting bolt decal and a short black leather skirt to match

It was honestly not your thing-it also just felt wierd to wear something like this-

“Your buying it and that’s that-you needed neccesities and this-“ she shook the outfit in your face, “is a necessity!”

The girl seriosuly shouldn’t be allowed to spend money-she stuffed the outfit in her full bag of clothes, bouncing over to the register as you followed her from behind

“I needed bras Mina, not lingerie!”

Yeah she didn’t listen

You finally got home, trying on your new outfits from your shopping spree when you fell upon the set shoved in your shopping bag

The little pink sneak

You pulled it out-it wouldn’t hurt to try it on, she did buy it for you...

You quickly got into it, admiring your body in the mirror-it was tight alright, but kinda cute in ...the skirt accentuated your legs, the bra was decently comfy, and the jacket pulled the whole thing together and made it a pretty cool yet revealing outfit

Just as you were testing out how much movement you had in the leather jacket,you heard the door open to the bedroom you and your boyfriend shared

“Hey babe, do we have any more toilet-“ Kamianri waltzed in, unknowingly oblivious to the scene before him, until he laid eyes on you

You never thought you saw the man blush harder-his eyes were wide with shock, his cheeks a hot shade of red as sparks of electricity flashed around his body

He obviously didn’t know how to react, and in his flusteredness, he somehow slipped on the floor, landing with a hard thud

“Denki!” You yelled out, scrambling to your ditzy boyfriend, “you okay?”

Kaminari gazed up at you, and holy crap he felt blessed- he had a full view of your exposed cleavage, a grin growing on his face as blood tricked down from his nose

“Oh no, Kami, you got a bloody nose-“ you scrambled to get him a towel, kneeling down to place it against his nose

He quickly swiped the blood away, his hands instead pinning yours against your back

“-Dont worry about that,” he grinned, his eyes a dangerous shade of yellow, “let’s worry about you babygirl...and where you got that little get up,”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Taggings:

@weebartistinc @orokayagi @leeeah-loooser @bakarinnie @johnnysactualgf

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b-lessings · 3 years

Text

Today I was listening to an Egyptian Islamic da'iyah / family and couples counselor. She is quiet famous and an established reference in her field in her community. She has a TV show where she talks about life/ family issues from a religious perspective. The episode was about marriage-related issues and she was answering a question about early marriage in Islam. She started by listing the benefits of marrying at a young age. One of the things she mentioned was that it's healthier to have babies when you are younger, as in the younger the woman, the healthier the pregnancy, the healthier the baby. And I felt straight up offended? I honestly felt hurt and yes I took it personally. Now, I do respect this woman so much, she is definitely someone to look up to, and that's why I got personally offended (and disappointed). Bear with me, I will explain.

1) Do people think it's a choice? - yes. It's true, some sisters or brothers opt not to get married for a reason or the other, but it's not a generalized rule. Not every single person in this ummah chose to stay single. Most of us are struggling thru singlehood and probably suffering from mental illness because of it, and because of the pressure. As a non-married muslim girl who is about to turn 30 and whose ultimate goal or dream is to make a family with a decent God-fearing man, I find it straight up offensive to come talk to me about oh how much HEALTHIER it would be to have had children at a younger age. She literally said that people who got married between 21 and 25 turn out to be much happier in life and are less likely to suffer from mental illness. Nice way to remind me of my unfortunate situation and my miserable life! AstaghfiruAllah al ādheem. Do people seriously think we have a choice? Like do people seriously think we got the opportunity to choose between marrying someone noble, honest, practicing, humble, caring, someone whom we had chemistry with and of good deen and character AND WE SAID NO WE CHOOSE MISERY? Do people think we deliberately choose to live in this dilemma of constant social pressure and humiliation? Oh yeah because it's so much fun trying to watch the whole world find their significant others and find their life companions while we just sit back and suffer in silence. Oh yes because I do know that pregnancies over the age of 35 have higher risks for mothers and babies but yet I deliberately chose to take the risk. AstaghfiruAllah! Wallahi it's frustrating. We are already looked down upon in the society, some even go the extra mile to accuse us to different sorts of things, but to think this is actually something we wanted! What a shame to not be spared the right to voice your concerns, your issues, your worries. To just assume this narrative legit dismisses our perspective and silences our voices in the story.

2) Isn't it fate/Maktub? Isn't it all part of Allah's plan? - So, what is it now, really? Isn't The whole concept of marriage and your spouse considered a rizk from Allah swt? Aren't we taught the idea that everything that happens to us is from Allah swt. And then we are asked or required to accept whatever happens to us (a belated marriage or belated pregnancy or lack of included). We are ready struggling on daily basis trying to be good Muslims and patiently and wholeheartedly accepting our fate and submitting to Allah's plan. So to hear someone (of high status in the community, a reference) talk about the issue as if it was in our hands and not in Allah's actually contradicts with their whole belief system? Smh.

Anyways. I don't wanna make this any longer, I just needed to let it out because it was really bugging me. I think that " considering people's feelings " is a rare thing in this modern day religion. I dont think in the time of the Prophet salla allahu alaihi wa sallam people were this inconsiderate or insensitive. And I pray that Allah swt guide us all to the straight path. I pray Allah swt calms our storms, soothes our worried hearts, and fills our souls with the beautiful patience we need to keep going while we accept His plans for us. I really love this merciful religion despite the people who broadcast it. Alhamdulillah. Hasbiya Allahu wa ni'ema al wakeel.

#listen yallllll #I just needed to let my voice be heard okay?#come at me if you want but I have no regrets #AstaghfiruAllah #islam #religion #marriage in Islam #ummah #muslim ummah #marriage issues #my thoughts #prsnl #review #reflections of today #asmaa talks

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ladymirdan · 2 years

Text

Ranking the Primarchs

@lagomxrph💚 asked me ages ago how I would rank the Primarchs and I diplomatically declined to answer.

But I think it is time to actually do a list since I've decided to read all of the Horus Heresy books.

I want to make a list now and then do an update when I've finished all of them and see what has changed. (I wish i would have made one before reading the first three books because at least two primarchs have drastically changed places on this list after reading them)

(I feel like people are going to be upset by this list 😅)

Rogal Dorn - He is the best and the emperor's favourite for a reason. He is hard working, has the best humor, he is just great. He is what I wished I was.

Roboute Guilliman - Roboute is so painfully relatable, he can fix ANYTHING but himself. He is such a misunderstood character by the fans in general. Give him a chance, he is delightful.

Perturabo - Is also very relatable, but in the worst way possible. He is petty, jealous and cares too much about a world that doesn't give two shits about him. He thinks he has a good poker face but he doesn't so he comes across as even more unlikeable. He is wonderful to read about.

Horus - I swear, he is the last relatable one. Him getting severe impostor syndrome when he was made Warmaster and then falling apart from the pressure... I felt that in my soul.

Angron - I know very little about him to be honest, but he was such a delight in False Gods. I love him.

Konrad Curze - I Love his Primarch book, he is so unapologetically fucked up. I love his tactics.

Fulgrim - I feel kind of “meh” about him. I should like him more, he checks all the boxes for a character I should like but so far I like his legion more than him

Ferrus Manus - Don't know much about him, would probably be higher if I did. Mid tier.

Leman Russ - I used to HATE him but I'm warming up a bit. I like the himbo energy and that he stops playing dumb when called out.

Lorgar - Another one I used to hate but I have to respect a guy who is right so often even if he is a douche.

Jaghatai Khan - I need to read more about him.

Sanguinius - Sad, pretty vampires are cringe, angel wings are even cringeier. If he was more cool about it he would be 20% cooler, I feel Fulgrim would have rocked his looks and legion better.

Lion’el Johnson - Most of my friends are autistic (you pretty much have to be to like me), but Lion feels like the guy who talks about his special interest for hours and then tells you that he doesn't care when you talk about yours.

Alpharius - He is kind of cringe but gets bonus points since he reminds me of one of my larp characters.

Corax - what happens when you order Nighthaunter on wish.

Vulkan - to be fair, I have read very little about him. all I know is that he hugs people and lets his Astartes keep humans as pets. DO NOT WANT!

Magnus - I don't like magic or magic users. He feels like someone whose own life is a fucking mess and still gives you unbidden advice. Top-tier mansplainer.

Mortarion - Whiny fucking bitch without having the skills to back it up (Like Perturabo). Legit said that his upbringing was worse than Angrons. Also the master of double standards. Fuck em.

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djryefaith87 · 2 years

Text

I want this pain to stop.

5/14/2022

I m in so much pain man. Mentally physically emotionally and spiritually.

Suicide has been popping on the mind.

I will never understand people who says taking the life of your own is the easy way out. There's nothing easy about wanting or taking a life especially your own.

I m talking about the people like myself who are just mentally drained with life. Feeling the constant pressure that comes with it.

Then those who go and judge why you made that decision but never really cared when you were breathing. Phone never rang tex message never sent where the access is so easier now than when I grew up.

I look around me once again trying to put gratitude in life. Then it can be someone or something that will trigger the situation from putting a spark to legit flaming your soul with sorrow.

Seeing my mother do what she can to just get some type of affection from her brothers and sisters and no one budging a eye except one brother. Her baby brother as he lays up in a hospital. Needing to fight for his life not only for himself but for his own family.

I look around for my peoples and I have my best friend who lives in Phoenix AZ. Her name is Belia. She's been there through out the whole pandemic and here and there for the prior 5 years before it. I admire what she can do, being able to raise 3 girls and under her living circumstances get through it. She's a superwoman to me

I have a friend in New York but she's the type of friend where the spitual bond is close. At the same time you try not to cross no boundaries or bother because she is involved with someone. Call her Dee

I have cousins here and there to turn but legit feel like more of a bother as they have their own lives. One cousin who has his own mini family in Florida name John who I ve looked up to since we were young. He be so disappointed if I ended my life but at the same time how can I ask for help when I was denied a visit. It's like timing is everything but when is a right time. Ya just don't know.

Pass offers to Florida came with attachment like looking after your own stuff without having a job. Not from John but for someone else. This was in year 2012 or so and we do not talk consistently like we once did.

I had my own place as I got picked for the lottery back in 2013 2014. I didn't have enough for first months rent or first months security and that was my fault. I didn't properly save because I was paying my mother's bills along with mine. Then I made the big mistake in putting myself through debt.

So many trials and tribulations that have come through my life and I think back what could I have done differently. Could I had borrowed money and just struggled hard at the age of 24. I did try to take out a loan but was denied. Should I have went another route. Start struggling making it on my own at that age so I can build growth for myself.

I don't have the answers and this life is getting so much harder. Price of living is going up. Food is going up. People around me are dying left and right. People who were once creating memories with me have become a memory.

I m just overwhelmed with everyone and everything and on top of all what I just type through my phone. I feel 100% better than when I first started this vent. I started this vent in tears.

My mother just knocked in my room on her way to an appointment. Said she's leaving and I said be safe. She asked me if I m okay and I responded I ll be alright. She told me to put on some music, and I responded I ll be alright. This lead me putting Bob Marley "Three little birds" me teary eyed. As my mother says "I got so much shit to deal with to deal with and added other shit". I just don't wanna be that burden anymore. Being I don't honestly know how to get going or what to do with myself. I ask God to just take me. The sacrifice of life is Hugh cause once your gone from this life that's it. I m ready to live in peace of the afterlife. But I know I can't end mine for that peace of afterlife to happen.

I m diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I was also diagnosed in 2017 with psychosis. Who would pin point to this and say well he had that that's why he ended it all.

I wanna make God proud by helping others who maybe just like myself can turn it around. My thing how can I possibly help another when my own brain isn't all the way itself.

I once couldn't wait to the thought of being a father one day or a husband. It's sad that I don't see it for me anymore. Finding true love is such a task especially these days. And after losing my kids my mind and the experience on working with them. I don't want them getting into a place of where this pain doesn't seem never ending that they have to get through it. A constant battle. To legit want to die of how much pain they are going through. It's just me as if I were a father not wanting to see my child in those lines.

God has a better for me that was just my thought. I just do not know when or where but I pray cold heartedly for better days ahead.

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purekesseltrash · 3 years

Note

Okay referring to one of your reblogs here’s my favorite lines from BTD ‘cause it was one of my favorite fanfics of all time (I’m serious)

Non-serious one, : “The scarring was still awful though, he was never going to be able to get past that. But not actively breaking out… that was a good step.” GOD OKAY, I’ve struggled and am still struggling with acne for years now, and that just.. hit home man, the days where your not getting NEW acne and just the old ones you just couldn’t hack being the most prominent make or break your day

Serious one, : “Mezou’s body was a collection of tools that had somehow never seems adequate or correct, despite having been honed for a singular purpose since he had been little.” AHHHHHHHH, this line fucked me up, once again I’m mentioning my background with gymnastics, in gymnastics your body is all you have, sure you have equipment to land on but judges and coaches focus on your body and how it looks, and as someone who had horrendous lack of self esteem being put into a spandex leotard and having to have someone purposely look at you and critique you broke me, sure gymnastics was my passion but it broke me, so safe to say, you struck gold with that one. I’m pretty sure I blocked out all of gymnastics until I was age twelve when I rejoined cause I legit only have two memories of it, and one of the m was when I was refusing to go, so, yea, being good at sports when your young fucks you up, I missed this, sending you a big fucking ask revolving around BTD

Precious worm assssssssssssk! I have missed these too, lol. Ngl, I've been rereading this all day.

I actually never had awful acne, I just have TURRIBAD executive dysfunction so washing my face didn't happen for a long time until I started hyperfocusing on skincare stuff. So it was not great but my own fault. When I was deep in my skincare fixation though, I definitely would have days where the way that my skin looked could make or break me. Which frankly is likely not healthy buuuut it was what it was.

I thought for a LONG time about what I wanted to do with Shouji’s face to make him hate it. I thought about him having had an accident but Bury Them Deep is supposed to feel pretty real and down to earth. Plus I've had so many friends with super bad cystic acne that have reeeeally struggled with their self image because of it, so it felt right. I only thought to make his teeth bad later on and I wish I'd thought of it sooner as I could have worked it in sooner. I've actually based a decent amount of stuff from his upbringing from my partner's and braces were very much so not going to be in the picture for him. It's legit though how much something as simple as bad teeth can make you feel like an outcast.

Brooooo, I'm so glad it connected with you like that! That paragraph is legit one of my favorites in the fic because it really nails the 'nothing in my life feels like it belongs to me, even my body' mood that I was going for. I did get a part of that line from Ken Dryden's book, The Game. In it he describes his body as a collection of parts and it just SLAMMED into my brain when I was relistening to the audio book. I also like it because it feels like a way to tie in the canon aspects of Shouji and 'a collection of tools' is a very good way to describe his quirk. I added in other stuff as a reference to his quirk too, like his intense appetite, how he noticed really fine details and how he heard the car coming up at the car party.

You honestly might like reading 'The Game'. Ken talks a LOT about having been A Unique Talent at a young age and what it ended up meaning for him. He specifically talks alot about how he never really felt like he was apart of anything because he was always the youngest and always the best and how he never really sought that out, it just kinda... happened. He's an extremely good writer and was an incredible hockey player. I had to bring him up in the fic.

I did also want to talk about how we treat prodigies in the fic because yeah man, what you describe is disturbingly common. I've read a lot about the lives of early generational talents and it's fucking brutal how much pressure is being put on kids at such an early age. Sidney Crosby, for instance, would legit have parents scream at him in games from the stands.... in games where he was ten years old and already playing with kids that were bigger, faster and stronger than him. He full on had things thrown at him, like pop and food. And he never really got time off, it was just hockey hockey hockey all the time. I'm sure that he would say that it was worth it but as a society, we have a nasty habit of holding up children that have been made to make horrible sacrifices and we go, 'this is the pinnacle of what we can achieve'.

No. It isn't. It's sad but people's egos and dreams get in the way when they start to put that on children. Man, Hizashi’s little speech must have been a lot for you.

(Also if this is too personal and you want me to delete, I will. <3. I miss your worm asks you are ALWAYS welcome to send them)

#btd #precious worm ask

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blue-maiden4 · 4 years

Text

Together Forever and Growing Pains

I'M IN LEGIT PAIN RIGHT NOW.

MY POOR BOY 😭😭

Anyways I'm gonna leave my thoughts on these episodes down here so spoilers right ahead:

-First of all: Ruby, Sapphire I know you tried to help, but dear Arceus proposing at the age of 16 IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL.

-Can we appreciate how handsome Steven looks on that shirt and suit? Damn he looks good on it 👀 (If he weren’t a minor I would marry him, but my heart already belongs to Leon so nevermind, pretend I said nothing)

-Rather than saying a straight 'no', Connie said 'not now', AND HONESTLY THAT'S SO SWEET AND IM DYING. And Steven's heartbroken face DESTROYED ME. I've never experienced such feeling but I can imagine how much it hurts. I really appreciate how Connie handled the situation in such a mature way, like she wanted to talk out things first and such. She is without a doubt Steven's soul mate ❤️.

-Watching Steven just laying on the sand while crying broke my heart in a million pieces, I felt your pain Steven, and it sucks that you have to go through this when you’re dealing with some heavy issues right now.💔

-"There isn't a future where you didn't proposed" I'm double dead now, the fact that no matter which time line they're on, Steven would propose to Connie. My heart 😭.

-Also I've seen some people asking why Steven is so worried of Connie leaving, like, he can just go visit her with Lion's help, but remember he can do the same with Lars and he acted the same way, so despite being able to visit them, the whole feeling that he's getting left behind is what is triggering these kind of reaction (or at least that's what I think).

-And remember, no matter how much you love a person, do not propose to them at the age of 16 (sorry I had to this xd)

Okay now moving onto Growing Pains aka the episode that destroyed me physically and emotionally:

-BOI Where do I even start with this one? Okay first, seeing Steven all depressed over Connie's rejection and just eating ice cream and all kinds of sweets as a coping mechanism hits home. And this is something people do in real life when they are going through a heartbreak. Poor boy he needs a hug.

-I would be lying if I said I didn’t scremaed the moment his body started growing our of nowhere, HOLY SHIT THE CORRUPTION THEORY IS SLOWLY BECOMING A REALITY. LIKE THAT SHIT STARTED AS SOME SORT OF JOKE, IT AIN’T FUNNY ANYMORE 😰.

-Connie being concerned about Steven and convicing him to see a doctor is the best thing ever. FINALLY SOMEONE THAT MAKES HIM SEEK HELP (Sort of)

-Okay, the fact Steven’s bones are fractured or broken is really worrying. Like, the only reason this kid isn’t dead is because of his healing powers is really messed up, and if we remember what happened in CYM, it makes sense why he was so weak and nearly dying, it was ‘cause his body was so damaged on the inside and the only things keeping together was his own gem half.

Seriously just look at all those cracks in his bones

-Also, the way Dr. Maheswaran explained how his body was constantly healing, yet it looked that mentally he hasn’t healed, that hit me like a truck. It also reminded of Pink Pearl, her gem showed no signs of damage, yet that crack on her eye was mostly due to the trauma she still had.

-The fact Steven is having the same side effect is just so....AGH I can’t even describe it, there’s no words that can say it.Seriously, he’s been through some heavy stuff since he was 13, with being so close to dying a million times, seeing loved ones die in front of him, his self doubt and existencial crisis due to Pink’s/Rose’s mistakes. That’s some serious and heavy shit, that surely was to have some effect on Steven at some point.

He’s been trying so hard to just forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple. Those experiences are somthing that will haunt him forever until he adresses them properly. Also, the fact he tended to bottle up his emotions as a kid had also a role in all of this, he had to deal with this stuff on his own, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, ‘cause he didn’t knew what else to do without becoming a burden.

-”What you haven’t told her?!”

DUDE, YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECTED CONNIE TO TELL HER MOM HOW YOU FRICKING PROPOSED TO HER? COME ONE, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA TELL HER, SHE WOULD HAVE FREAK OUT AT THE IDEA OF 16/15 YEAR OLDS GETTING MARRIED FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE.

-Bruh, the moment he was starting to tear up, due to all the stress and pressure he was feeling at that moment. And the way he snapped out at Connie....oof, like I don’t blame him at all, but it broke my heart. The pain he was feeling at the moment...god...😭😭😭.

-Greg getting in there and comforting him, that’s what made me cry, the whole thing that Steven’s feeling like he’s always about to die, and how he’s supposed to be happy now that everyone is saved but just can’t....it hurted....a lot.

-And my respect and love for Connie and her mom increased here, not only she called the only person that could calm him down/help him, but they also treated Steven in way as to not alter him more and without judging. Seriously, I’m surprised Dr. Maheswaran, wasn’t like WTF the moment Steven started listing all of his traumatic experiences, instead she only explained how all of this gem stuff he’s been involved with has caused him so serious trauma.

-Now let me just say, that even though it is mostly th CG and Greg (to some degree, like the dude tried his best), we have to remember that the Gems have no idea about how a human body works, let alone how a mind of a person works. And it’s true that it wasn’t a good idea for Steven to move in with the Gems at such a young age, heck Greg is his father, he is supposed to take care of Steven and such, but considering the circumstances and that Steven is half-gem, he probably thought it was for the best, as he couldn’t teach him about gem stuff, probably the CG convinced him about this. Now, with the whole ‘they should have noticed or figured out something was wrong with Steven’, let me tell you one thing: that’s not how it works. Sure a parent should be able to tell when there’s something wrong their kid, but considering Steven became so dang good at avoiding the subject and bottling up his emotions (keeping them to himself), it practically impossible to tell when something is wrong. Parents aren’t physics, they can’t read our minds, so unless we are the ones that address the issue, there’s no other way they can’t find out about our problems. And that’s what happens in Steven’s case, and since they didn’t wanted to push him to talk about it, well, that makes it harder.

CONCLUSION:

THIS TWO EPS DESTROYED ME, SERIOUSLY THEY LEFT ME IN LITERAL PAIN.

I was expecting them to make me cry, but dear lord, they were such heavy episodes, they even suprassed Prickly Pair, which is an episode that also messed up with my emotions. But these two made me cry. They just hit so close to me.

I’m not sure I’m gonna survive til the finale (really one of the next week eps is called Fragments, and that doesn’t give me any good vibes)

NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I WILL GO CRY IN A CORNER WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL AS I LISTEN TO DEPRESSING MUSIC CAUSE I DON’T KNOW OF ANOTHER WAY TO COPE WITH THE PAIN.

#steven universe future #steven universe future spoilers #suf #well that sucks #steven universe #steven #I can't stop crying #MY POOR BOI #feelings #rambling over this boy #GODDAMNIT PINK LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS CHILD #YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY SWEET BOY

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

Note

Actually, anti parabatai plot as a criticism of the oppressive regime would have been super interesting. Like they literally perform some magical ritual on minors. Moreover, it’s seen as prestigious and is highly encouraged. Moreover, if children have doubts they can’t even properly discuss them. Notice how in 2x03 Alec is left so alone he only has his baby sister to share his misgivings about the ritual. Moreover, he isn’t even happy about the upcoming ceremony. It really feels like he only ->

-> out of obligation (reminds me of ‘are you happy’, ‘yes, I’m following my duty’). Idk maybe it was indoctrinated that cancelling the ceremony once you gave your word is unthinkable, dishonourable, shameful or some other shit. Anyway, Alec didn’t look enthusiastic AT ALL. We don’t see what role Maryse and Robert played in this but they were probably their toxic selves. Besides, it’s strange to make a team out of two people so different both personality and career wise. And speaking of indoctrination, you can see children getting ingrained with this shit from the very young age. Like little Izzy may not have wanted a parabatai herself but you can see she was still affected. Jace legit said that they were gonna be REAL brothers as if something stopped him seeing Alec as such without a magical tattoo which is major yikes

EXACTLY!!! you get it!!!!!! not only that but the whole "the biggest pain a shadowhunter could ever know is losing a parabatai", "parabatai are the most important people to each other", "parabatai are in perfect tune" etc like so much shit that was straight up NOT SHOWN TO BE TRUE throughout the plot. valentine and luke were parabatai and he betrayed him, jace basically never gave a fuck about alec's wellbeing, he couldn't even tell when alec was literally dying lol also the bond isn't even that strong, like if ur away for a while or try to TRACK THEM it breaks??? and in the books robert and michael were parabatai as well and then they never talked again and robert legit straight up couldnt tell when michael DIED AND WAS REPLACED BY VALENTINE WITH A GLAMOUR like My God

my hc for this whole thing is that the parabatai thing was invented to increase sh loyalty to each other as well as their teamwork, and they made up this bunch of bullshit about it being like family and super important and their pain is your pain and blah blah blah to seem more desirable. kinda like how spartans encouraged relationships between soldiers to make them stronger? or how compulsory monogamy teaches you that the way to achieve happiness is through One Single Person who will be perfect for you always oops

actually o shit there are plenty of parallels between parabataiship and compulsory monogamy and i think i'm gonna go into that now. so mandatory disclaimer that compulsory monogamy =/= your monogamous relationship, just like heteronormativity =/= your heterosexual relationship. okay? okay. if yall come for me screaming that Monogamous People Aren't All Toxic i will ignore you because that's not what i'm saying and i just explicitly stated that. okay? okay

so i’m gonna skip the historical part because compulsory monogamy is very intimately related with the invention of capitalism, private property and etc., and that doesn’t work quite as well in the context of sh since it’s more of a military society than anything, and again, i do believe that it’s more of a “making them more likely to be loyal”/less likely to question missions and stuff thing. but the effects of parabataiship as it is constructed in sh lore are very similar to those of compulsory monogamy in real life:

the whole loyalty thing that can be very easily turned into toxicity/co-dependency/straight up abusive and unequal dynamics. again, i’m talking about monogamy as a system, not saying that all monogamous relationships are toxic, okay? if i sound insistent here, it’s because you wouldn’t believe the amount of times i put 4981749318 disclaimers like that and ppl still got offended on behalf of their monogamous relationships i wasn’t talking about

i’ll go further into that. monogamy ideology, like parabatai ideology, tells us that there’s a kind of relationship that is superior to all others and should be prioritized above all others (romantic relationships for monogamy ideology, parabataiship for parabatai ideology. compulsory monogamy and amatonormativity are more than just intimately related, they are a part of the other). this means that not putting the person you have this kind of relationship with above all others is seen as a crime and betrayal. and i’m not talking about cheating here, i’m talking about stuff such as “would you let your partner go to parties without you?”, seeing you at a place without your partner and asking where they are and why they didn’t come with you/assuming that you must have fought or broken up, considering that a relationship is doomed or not very close if its parts are not literally inseparable, turning the two parts of a relationship into some kind of almost symbiotic creature, where you stop being “A and B” and become “A-and-B” (this exact wording is even a trope in romantic fiction, esp fanfic), “would your missus let you come with us?”, having huge fights because one party wants to go somewhere and the other doesn’t and they can’t come to an agreement on that, etc., i think you get it by now

this mindset that the person you have this particular kind of relationship with should be prioritized above all others, that a part of your sense of self should be merged with theirs, that you essentially have to become a unit, and that it’s hard, but you have to fight to make it work (”love hurts”, “love is tough, it’s like that”, “if you love someone you have to make sacrifices for them”, etc) makes people feel guilty whenever they don’t put that person and their wishes above all else, or even when they want to do something without them, because that is seen as not loving them enough. not only that, but monogamy ideology promises you that once you find The One™ you will achieve a kind of happiness and perfection in your life that you couldn’t get any other way. this means that people are effectively scared of breaking up or of not having/wanting a relationship like that, because it means that they are broken and will never be truly happy (see what i meant when i said that amatonormativity and monogamy ideology are a part of each other?). that’s why you see people saying shit like “my greatest fear is to waste many years on a relationship and break up in the end”, “if you aren’t dating to get married you’re dating to get your heart broken”, etc.

so you see people trying their damn hardest to stay loyal to the relationship even when it obviously doesn’t make them happy, feeling guilty for not being happy, and accepting toxic mindsets and abuse because they feel like they owe it to them. especially the weakest link in the relationship - notably women in monogamy ideology, as monogamy is also inherently linked with the patriarchy and in monogamy ideology specifically a woman in a het relationship is seen as more than just a part of the man she is in a relationship with, she’s seen as his property, but that dynamic can also be inverted or ruled by other factors such as race, sexuality, gender identity, class, etc. - are way more likely to be seen as owing their partners loyalty. not just that, but in particular with people who are otherwise oppressed, being loved is seen as almost a favor, because again, being in a romantic relationship is supposed to be your exclusive golden ticket to heavenly happiness and whatnot, and oppressed people (esp queer ppl and poc) as seen as undeserving of that, and effectively denied that in many ways, so they are more likely to want to stay in a toxic relationship out of fear that they won’t ever find anything better (it’s not a coincidence that “no one will ever love you like i do” is such a common phrase to hear from abusers). also, let’s not forget that even the right to break up in itself is something that had to be fought for. the feminist movement spent years trying to make divorce legal (in the places where it is) and still fights to make it be seen as acceptable. if it weren’t for other pressures trying to change the rules of monogamy, a “breakup” would quite literally not even be allowed, and this always benefits the strongest link

so now that that’s been explained, back to parabataiship. i think the parallels here are very clear - i mean, for one, you can’t really break it up, unless you purposefully use soul tracking or stay away for a long time, so it’s like, old fashioned monogamy. but more than that, breaking your parabatai bond is seen as terrifying. there is a lot of purposeful rethoric that directly says that the pain of the parabatai bond being severed (whether by will or by one of the parts dying) is unmatchable, and that plants a horrible fear into people, to the point where villains use that against parabatai shadowhunters (for example, the owl possessing jace and telling him that it’ll kill alec so he knows what the pain of losing a parabatai is like). this means that loyalty is owed, because even if you just want to be away from your parabatai, this might break the bond and put you through unspeakable pain (in theory. as i’ve been saying, it’s basically been proved that that’s not true, because when jace died that was far from being the worst pain that alec’s ever felt)

moreover: the whole thing about how this kind of relationship is sacred, above all else, and will bring you a kind of happiness that is impossible to achieve otherwise. this is said many times - like you said, parabataiship is seen as something desirable and that brings honor. the vows are very similar to marriage (the highest pillar of monogamy) vows (“your family will be my family, your people will be my people”, “entreat me not to leave thee”), clary is constantly told that she could never understand the relationship jace and alec have because they’re parabatai and being parabatai is special and basically uncomparable to anything else, even by izzy, who never wanted to have a parabatai (and in the end she ends up wanting to, which reminds me of the whole “oh, you’ll want it once you grow up” trope with heterosexual romantic relationships. like, basically, you’ll want it once you find the right person. that is something aro, gay, and non-monog ppl hear all the damn time). the whole thing about how obviously jace is supposed to be the one alec loves the most, they’re parabatai, the whole thing about how “alec would die for me, we’re parabatai” like that is unquestionable; the souls becoming one, the being able to feel each other’s feelings and blah blah blah. in short: sacred, above all else, and, unless you do something very wrong, able to bring you a kind of connection and happiness you wouldn’t be able to get otherwise no matter how strong your feelings or your compatibility is; and once you get it, you can’t get out

and then there’s the imbalance it brings. like i said, notably in monogamy as a pillar of heteronormativity the imbalance lays on women, altho other factors can change that balance or be more prominent. with parabataiship, there’s an obvious trope of queer people getting heterosexual parabatai and being very obviously the weakest link (alec with jace, michael with robert, there are others but i don’t remember. the exception to this is luke, who is written as equally heterosexual and, in the books, equally white, to valentine, but who’s still the weakest link anyway because valentine gains power and prestige luke doesn’t have). again, the whole “alec would die for me” thing tells a lot. he didn’t say “we would die for each other”. he said “alec would die for me”. despite the rethoric being that both parts should be endlessly devoted, the expectation that one should fulfill that obviously falls harder on one than on the other. with monogamy, there’s even a kind of rethoric that you have to work for the reciprocation to be there (for example, victims of domestic abuse being told that if they dedicate themselves to their partners enough, the abuse would stop, like they owe their partners dedication and love and comprehension, and then their partners will give it back only once they get enough of it) that we haven’t really seen with parabatai (at least i don’t remember it) but that i wouldn’t be surprised to see present there. after all, alec can feel it when jace gets a papercut and jace can’t tell when alec is literally dying, and none of that is ever questioned in canon

and then the imbalance is kept because, again, breaking up parabataiship is unthinkable and shameful, not to mention kind of impossible/not allowed to do officially. so the weakest link is basically stuck in this situation of imbalance and, in many cases, toxicity and abuse, but can’t break out of it and effectively feel guilty because according to everything they’ve ever been told, they should be elated that they’ve found their one and they should be happy. if they aren’t happy, then they’re broken, or not trying hard enough, and it’s taboo to even talk about that

again, i’m not saying that all monogamous relationships or all parabataiships are toxic, okay? i’m saying that, as a structurer of our society (and sh’s fictional society) they favor this kind of dynamic, allow it, and justify it through their ideologies. in the same way that heteronormativity allied with misoginy makes it more likely for women to be abuse or r-word victims than men. is every het relationship toxic? no. is heteronormativity toxic? yes. monogamy works the same way

in short, parabataiship is not a relationship model. or rather, it is, but way before and more than that, parabataiship is an ideology that is specifically structured to subjugate shadowhunters, notably queer shadowhunters, and keep their loyalty to each other and to the clave, and most of its rethoric (nothing can ever be stronger than the love for a parabatai, nothing can match the pain of losing a parabatai, parabatai are one and the same and they share a soul) is absolute bullshit built to make it more desirable and make sure that structure is left unquestioned. a plotline that questions the buildings of parabataiship and shows how the whole myth that’s around parabataiship is that, a myth, built to subjugate and control people, would have been amazing, but of course we couldn’t get that so crumbles of meta it is

me: i’m tired of discourse in my blog i’m going to chill for now. me the very same day: what if i went on my first more detailed anti-monogamy rant when that is 100% guaranteed to attract aggressive people who can’t read and also criticized sh fandom’s beloved parabataiship all in one post?

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