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chaoticbardlady99 · 4 months

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Lethal Woman: Chapter 8 (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You and Astarion have many misadventures while going back through the Blighted Village. Someone from your past makes a gruesome reappearance and reveals they are hunting Astarion. You and Astarion inadvertently confess to each other that there is, in fact, something between the two of you.

CW: Violence, gore, fighting, alcohol, Gnome racism (I don’t hate Gnomes I promise- just Dwarves because the All Hammer killed one of my favorite DND characters), torture, mentions of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse.

Chapter 9

Likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! Thank you for everyone who has been reading my little passion project!

Tracing your steps back through the blighted village was more eventful than any of you anticipated.

For one- you and Astarion stumbled upon an Ogre and Bug Bear couple (literally) bumping uglies. Astarion had insisted that he open it and you were really hoping it wasn’t what you thought it was. Considering your luck- you weren’t surprised they were fucking, but then they tried to kill you. So you had to ruin the party while the rest of your companions explored the other abandoned buildings while you and Astarion were trying to avoid being covered in various bodily fluids.

Second, Karlach informs you she befriended three massive ogres and they said they’ll send their aid when you “toot this little horn thing”. Then she gave you the news that they don’t promise NOT to eat you. You quickly convinced her to give it to you- you love your tiefling kindred spirit, but her impulse control is terrible sometimes.

Arguably the third incident may be the worst. Karlach had rejoined the other group when Wyll called her over so it was just the two of you again. You had attempted to help a deep Gnome by killing the Goblins that were terrorizing him- much to Astarion’s dismay.

Well, when the Gnome told you to stop the damn thing- you went inside thinking it would be one lever. It was TWO and they said what they each did IN COMMON. YOU CAN’T READ COMMON! And when you asked Astarion to pull the right lever- he had a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Consider the right level pulled, Darling.”

Needless to say, the only positive of that event was the hysterical cackling that erupted from your lover’s mouth as he fell to the ground- unable to contain himself until at least 10 minutes after the Gnome you promised to rescue became airborne and gained his Gnomeish wings. You had looked at Astarion and leered at him playfully.

“You are so mean,” you said while castigating him, trying not to let your love of his genuine laughter get in the way of basic morals, “that is not what I asked you to do at all!”

You are so glad no one else was around for that. Wyll would have stroked out.

“Oh Darling,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes, “I never claimed not to be and next time- maybe be more specific instead of saying ‘can you pull the right lever?’’”

You sighed while pinching the bridge of your nose, now struggling to contain your laughter. Like the absolute shit he is- he found a loophole.

“Well as long as you aren’t tying me up to a windmill and flinging me into the heavens-“

You didn’t even get to end your sentence because Astarion began crying and laughing again.

Within an hour of the impromptu funeral, your situationship and the interests of the others in the group had been tested when you, Gale, Astarion, and Lae’zel found the Necromancy of Thay. You had accidentally stumbled across the room while searching the caverns underneath the Blighted Village and finding a strange purple amethyst. The book had immediately taken to it and you don’t know what Astarion had seen from the book, but he refused to back down and hand it to Gale.

“No!” Astarion says indignantly, “you aren’t eating this one!”

“I need it to stabilize-“

“I could give a rat’s ass about how stable your stupid chest orb is,” Astarion says while glaring, “this is far too special for the likes of you to consume.”

“It’s obviously a very powerful tome. It would be beneficial for helping my condition,” Gale huffs and then they both look at you.

Oh no.

“State your case?” You say awkwardly, “unbiasedly?”

They both scowl and Astarion pouts at you, but the look in his eyes tells you he understands to some extent that you at least have to let both parties argue their side. You did have a full blown melt down one of the first nights of the journey over not being able to make everyone happy. Astarion rarely put up a fight with you unless it was important to him. You do this with everyone, not just them, but you worry your relationship with Astarion will be seen as the influencing factor.

Gale simply stated that it had powerful magic that he would like to consume. You did mention that you have multiple items for him in your pocket at any given time, but he is still insistent.

Then Astarion makes his case and it’s actually very difficult to argue with it. It’s a book of Necromancy and he is undead. What if the book had a cure for his condition? Or at least a way to diminish the side effects? The desperation in his voice had somehow cracked Gale’s resolve- you didn’t even have to make a decision.

“Fineeeeeeeee,” Gale drawls, “have the damn book- you bastard.”

Astarion looks far too pleased with himself.

Asshole, you think with a smile.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You set up camp at your previous campsite near the Grove so that you can begin your journey into the Underdark.

The sun has already set and the moon shines brightly in the sky. You aren’t ready to go underground yet. You always miss the moon and stars.

You are sitting by the nearby river- enjoying the sounds of the roaring river with Karlach as the two of you try to sort out her love life.

“Soooo,” you raise your eyebrows at her, “is it going to be Wyll, Damon, or Shadowheart?”

“Ughhhh,” Karlach tips over and pretends to writhe in pain in the grass, “having choices sucks!!”

“Oh come on K,” you say teasingly, “you must have someone you are specifically gravitating towards.”

Karlach taps her chin and pretends to think. After a minute- she just looks at you and shrugs.

“I’ve got nothing.”

“Nothing? You spend so much time with Shadowheart and Wyll! Dammon I’d maybe understand being out of the running but what the hell man!”

“I know, I know,” Karlach sighs, “I mean you had Gale and Halsin up your ass- why Astarion?”

You are almost frozen by her question. Why does everyone but you notice when people fancy you?

Why did you choose Astarion? You know the answer, but you also don’t know how to phrase it without sounding like an emotionally clingy weirdo.

“Um well,” you cough awkwardly, “I guess I just really like who he is as a person. I think he’s really funny, intelligent, and whether he wants to admit it or not- he is kind, in his own way.”

You neglect to tell Karlach about the Gnome. You have a feeling she won’t love that whole mess.

“The first night we hung out and just talked was… it was like when I met Tessa for the first time. It was an instant- oh no I’d do anything for this person.”

You hug your knees and put your chin on them. You scrunch up your face and avoid her face.

“You look rather upset for someone who is horribly smitten.”

“I’m not upset- it’s just weird… feeling this way again,” you sigh heavily, “I really am a walking death trap though-specifically where lovers go to die. I probably should end it, right? To keep him safe?”

“I would let him make that decision if you are so worried about it,” Karlach waves her hands at you dismissively, “you like him-I believe he likes you. Fangs can make his own choices- we all know the risk of traveling with you as you know the risk of traveling with us.”

“That’s a good point.”

“Of course it is! I’m a genius!”

You roll your eyes, “So who’s it gonna be Karlach?”

“DAMMIT!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The trek back to camp isn’t a long one, but you are ready to be in- well- a bed roll?

Astarion has found every excuse in the book to have you come and stay in his tent with him- except for just flat out asking you. It makes you quite giddy regardless.

One night he had even resorted to using the excuse that he needed your assistance and guidance in sharpening his throwing knives. You know what didn’t happen? Sharpening throwing knives.

The two of you had ended up tangled in each other’s embrace and talking until you eventually fell asleep. You woke up the next morning (entirely too early, the sun was barely rising) with him curled around you sleeping. You decided to go back to sleep- you weren’t ready to start your day. You’d rather stay here with Astarion.

You walk back to camp with a slight skip in your step- wondering if Astarion will want you to sleep in his tent with him again tonight. It had been a little less than a week since you had begun backtracking to the Underdark entrance and he had sought you out every night. You really REALLY hope he continues this trend.

Karlach is talking to you about the pros and cons of each partner- still entirely undecided- when you both hear a bone chilling cackle come from a tree in front of you. You both stop in your tracks immediately- Karlach reaches for the small blade she brought with her and you prepare your hidden daggers.

“Well if it isn’t good ole Corpse Eyes,” the mysterious woman says, “we thought you’d finally disappeared for good. Suppose we were wrong.”

You recognize the voice immediately as your fellow guild mate- Rinara. The two of you couldn’t stand each other. She wanted Dahlia to lavish her in all the attention and training she gave you- you just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

Rinara felt like you were a, “selfish fucking brat,” and had taken to calling you ‘Corpse Eyes’ because you had been entirely empty, rigid, and lifeless up until the last year. You were no better than a walking, mindless zombie to her.

Rinara steps around the corner and it takes every last bit of restraint you have not to let the horror show on your face.

Rinara was once a beautiful, almond haired half High Elf with a strong, healthy body. Now? Her skin is the color of Ash, her eyes are bloodlust red, her hair is coming out in clumps on her head, and her skin is peeling off like she has been sitting in an acid bath for a while now. Her left cheek is completely gone- revealing her teeth and gums.

“I was initially only here for the Spawn,” you feel your blood freeze as she smiles at you- all teeth and no light in her eyes, “but if Dahlia also had you…”

“You need to back the fuck off Rinara or-“

“Or what!? You’ll kill me?” She yells out hysterically, “I’m already fucking dead! You disappeared and so they sent fucking Dahlia to do your contract- a request from Obhark himself for the assassination of Lord Cazador Szarr.

“The woman struck a fucking deal with him- she’ll help get his prodigal son home and she’ll supply him with Deathbringers if she’ll be made his consort when he completes the ritual.

“I may not be able to control them,” she snarls, “but I do know that none of this would have happened if you hadn’t fucked off. This was supposed to be you! You are the one who should be tortured and violated! Not me! Not any of us!”

Huh, so your contract was to kill Cazador and because a Mindflayer kidnapped you- Dahlia took the contract and has gone rogue. How very convenient. This certainly tracks with the ridiculousness of the other circumstances you are dealing with. If it’s not devils, then it’s the Gith. If it’s not the gith- it’s some sadistic vampire. There is no winning in this group. Halsin is the only one that doesn’t seem to have an issue yet, but you are waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one.

That’s not important right now- knowing what the ritual is? That would be very valuable. You and Astarion have tried to figure out what the carvings into his back are and what they represent. You can read infernal so you know what it says, but it doesn’t make total sense.

Hoyc inferiu non iurare per igneu

Naec virba loquor

Eoai mundo muoat

This soul swears no oath by fire

Nor words does he speak

In the realm of death

You both has assumed it was just a way to prevent him from making contracts with devils to be free of Cazador, but now knowing there is a ‘ritual’ happening- you wonder if it’s an integral part of the ritual, the scars. If they are, then that means you are going to be doing some heavy duty bodyguard work- if Obarhk himself had requested it, then it must mean it’s not good.

Which also doesn’t surprise you given the circumstances.

“What ritual,” you say through clenched teeth.

Her smile is unsettling, “It’s a secret- all I know is that it’s going to make Master very very powerful.”

She looks at you with so much pain and anger. You are Dahlia’s favorite chew toy- you had been keeping her out of harm's way (unintentionally) this whole time and now that she has Dahlia’s attention- she seems to realize now why you didn’t want it in the first place.

Rinara looks borderline feral- you can see it now. Dahlia evidently doesn’t know how to complete the ritual or she used a different one entirely- that’s why Rinara is somewhere between a Deathbringer and a skeleton in the making. You bite back the bile as you watch a piece of her flesh roll off of her arms onto the ground below.

“She tricked all of us- requested every Assassins’ aid that was not a Deathbringer. Told us Obarkh is going to pick one of us for a special project based on our ‘performance,” she spits at the ground, “then she turned us into these things- only ten out of the hundred of us that went survived. Cazador’s blood and Dahlia’s black magic flows through my veins and I survived to tell the tale- I am rotting away. I wish I died.

“And now? I’m going to have a feast- at least I can enjoy one last full meal before I disappear completely,” she bares her canines at you, “I wonder how Half Drow tastes- maybe I should ask those pigs that ate your bitch mother.”

You don’t even have time to reply before Rinara is lunging at you and Karlach. You both deftly dodge the display of all consuming rage that Rinara throws into her movement.

Rinara has always been too blood thirsty to think logically during a fight and her recent transformation seems to have only made it worse- except now she’s stronger so she may be able to actually get some damage in- doubtful, but possible.

You and Karlach breakthrough the trees and you are barrelling towards camp. You are well-versed in unarmed hand to hand combat, but you can’t leave your life up to chance. You don’t know what Dahlia did to her, but it’s becoming clearer that it was not a Deathbringer ceremony that was performed. Her breathing behind you is ragged and rattling- the smell of her skin taints the air you breathe. She is here specifically for Astarion- you can’t afford to take any risk that could keep Rinara alive.

Everyone looks at you both in alarm as you grab your daggers from outside Lae’zel’s tent (she had offered to sharpen them and basically refused to let you say no). Karlach grabs her axe and yells frantically about some zombie woman who wants Astarion, but hates you and now she wants to consume you before taking Astarion back to Cazador. Oh and Dahlia is in on it too because apparently your disappearance had really caused some issues with a contract regarding killing the Vampire Lord.

You barely see the footsteps of the invisible person running up to you in time to dodge and you hear the scream of frustration rip through the air.

You make a wild guess regarding her location and throw a knife while she screams and cusses at you.

“I’ve been waiting to rip you piece by FUCKING piece since I met -“ she is cut off by a screech and revealing herself to your companions.

You had most definitely hit her- your blade stuck in her left eyeball. Rinara looks at you- significantly more pissed off than she was even a moment before-, rips out her eyeball using the throwing knife, discards it, and begins circling you.

Rinara is not bright and she lacks impulse control. She can remain in control for maybe only four or five minutes at a time- which would explain why hearing your voice is probably what set her off Astarion’s path. The chase bought you more time since Rinara loves a good hunt- you are almost positive you can break her down quickly and because she’ll be chasing a high, she’ll make stupid mistakes. Rinara also loves to talk and taunt her targets which infuriates you, but at least it’s a full proof trap for her.

“You don’t always need to be stronger than your opponents,” Dahlia says as she watches you get the shit kicked out of you by a hired mercenary, “you just need to be faster, smarter, and calm- let them dig their own grave.”

Your companions are clambering for their weapons and you send out a “don’t move” message telepathically. Astarion protests hit your brain like a wave- all you feel is fear. You tell him to trust you and you allow him to be privy to your thoughts and actions. You know exactly how quickly this will end after your next words and you don’t need her getting spooked.

“You know, Rinara, I’m not surprised Dahlia tricked you or that you were dense enough to drink Cazador’s blood- it certainly wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you’ve fallen for,” you smile at her, “I might actually feel sorry for you this time.”

You see your companions all staring at you as Rinara’s footsteps end just to the right of their line of sight. You can feel Astarion’s gaze burning into you and you have to focus hard on disconnecting. Embarrassment will not be helpful.

“What did you just say to me, you little wretch?”

“Oh sorry,” you clear your throat, “I SAID- I THINK YOU ARE REALLY REALLY FUCKING DUMB AND I’M NOT SURPRISED YOU GOT DOOPED.”

The sound of Astarion’s laughter fills your head- you fight to stop the smile that is threatening to cross your lips. The rage bristling off of her is so wonderful. You feel a dopamine rush over the way her teeth are chattering in anger, the way her eyes are paranoid and unfocused as she looks at you. You have gotten under her skin and now it’s your turn to be the predator.

“I’m going to enjoy bringing your skeleton back to Dahlia after I pick you clean,” she roars, “I’m going to enjoy watching that stupid Spawn finally fulfill his-“

“Do you ever shut up or ?” You ask, snorts and laughter coming from your companions, “I feel like I left that at a really good spot and we should just move forward or whatever?”

Oh the look of embarrassment, shame, and fury on her face- how you wish Lucia could have seen it. She could not stand Rinara and the way her face twists with the sour emotions is a wonderful sight to behold.

“I’ve changed my mind. I won’t eat you, I’ll just bring you back to Dahlia like the fucking disobedient thing you are! You” she spits, “are nothing, but a walking Corpse. You should have stayed dead- I liked you better that way. If Dahlia can do it once- I’m sure she’ll love doing it again. You’ll be tolerable and compliant soon enough.”

The cackle that leaves your lips surprises you.

“You always have been so fucking stupid, Rinara,” you hiss, “if you want Dahlia to love you so fucking bad you can have her. The price of her ‘love’ is hardly worth it- the woman is madder than that weird old guy next to brothel on 8th.”

“YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL!” Rinara screeches, “I WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON!”

You could not roll your eyes further back into your head. It should be easier to leave the Nightmasks. The idiocy is putting years on your immortal life.

“Doubtful, but you are welcome to try.”

Rinara lunges fast, but you are definitely faster. You imagine having intact skin helps. Rinara is hitting you with attack after attack and you just focus on dodging, getting in close for a quick hit, then back to dodging. She is the one dying, not you- let her do all the hard work.

Whatever spell Dahlia used did not promote Stamina or basic hygiene- unfortunately. Rinara is breathing hard and is already losing power in her hits.

This goes on for a couple minutes before Rinara does what she always does- lifting up her back foot ever so slightly so that she can extend her blade farther. You don’t know how many times you have to trip her for this mistake before she realizes she’s her own worst enemy.

You move out of the way and use her momentum- with a swift kick of your foot- Rinara went skidding across the dirt. Her blade is stuck in the ground near you almost perfectly upright. You walk over to it and you push it even further into the ground then stand directly in front of it, cutting off her line of sight to it.

“If you want your cheap ass sword back- come get it.”

It’s actually a very expensive sword and Rinara is very very defensive about it.

“YOU-“

Rinara doesn’t even allow herself to finish her sentence before she flings a massive bolt of lightning your way. Your companions are screaming as you run towards the lightning, but you know what you are doing. You dive just below the electric crackling in the air and roll back onto your feet. You watch as Rinara turns to you before she catches the blue bolt coming back towards her.

You didn’t always like to use your enemies weapons for their intended purposes, but when in need of a reflective surface- you can never go wrong with a sword.

Rinara goes flying towards the campfire- the smell of rotting burnt flesh fills your nose as she cries out in pain with every spark of lightning that jolts through her.

You take your time to walk back to the campfire, walking over with her sword in hand, and look through your pack- of course you left your Holy Water at home. At least you have wine- you pop it open and begin to drink. Rinara is still writhing on the ground and her flesh is even worse off than it was before. This really isn’t your favorite way to spend any evening- killing your formal frenemy because there is no rehabbing this version of her. It is all the worst of Rinara and then some.

You sigh heavily and walk over to her. You cock your head at her, leaning on her sword for support, and take another long sip of the wine. Rinara’s irritation is growing, but her body is practically in tatters now. She lashes out at you with clawed hands- you meet both of her wrists with her own sword- deftly cleaving them off her. The mortified scream that leaves Rinara’s mouth as she begins trying to back away from you. You smile at her with your vampiric stare- intensifying Rinara’s growing fear.

“Dahlia did a shit job training you. Didn’t she tell you the rules ? Use it and you lose it,” you take another swig.

“Hells Soldier!”

“Hey-“ you take an even bigger sip, “I’ve been waiting to take this one out back and put her out of her misery for five years. She’s obsessed with Dahlia of all fucking people and so she terrorizes me by interfering with my contracts! I will be enjoying my moment- thank you very much.”

“That’s not what I meant- you ‘use it, you lose it?’ That can’t possibly-“

You roll up your sleeves and the silence around the campfire is deafening as everyone stares- you should have probably not done that.

Blunt, deep lines around your wrist, old and faded into the skin. There are similar markings on your elbows right at your elbows.

“The reversal process involves blood magic and necromancy- if you were wondering. Oh and yes it does hurt, yes I have more, and no I won’t be talking about it.”

Rinara kicks you weakly- your shoulders slump. Is she serious right now? Consistency is key so off goes the foot. Rinara’s pained wailing echoes in the air.

One last giant swig and you feel less freaked out and embarrassed by your sudden onslaught of bravado. You hold out the bottle to Astarion who happily takes it and begins to drink from it- you can feel his eyes melting your skin and you are almost afraid to see the emotions in them.

You grab Rinara by the back of her collar and her wriggling barely stops you from being able to easily drag her along the forest floor all the way back to the river. Hopefully she’s close to the same concept as a vampire, but also Rinara can’t swim.

“Well my dumb friend,” you say with a snort, “this is where we part ways- permanently. I hope the fish like their dinner and you’ll stop talking so Goddamn much in fights during battles. This was way too much work for how fucking weak you are.”

Rinara is screaming and kicking. You let her go and walk about five feet in front of her- putting her between yourself and the river. You wave and smile like you are saying goodbye to a loved relative- followed with a middle finger.

You use a simple Push cantrip and watch with a sort of sick satisfaction as Rinara begins to burn up, steam coming up from the water as she is dragged away by the current.

“Well Roo, I would say that may be some of your finest work yet,” you say, giving yourself a pat on the back.

You turn around and see all of your companions. You suddenly feel ill and self-conscious. Wyll looks slightly horrified, Halsin is just unreadable, Karlach is giving you a thumbs up like it’s your first day of school, Shadowheart is nodding her head impressed, Gale is shocked, and Lae’zel is slowly clapping.

Astarion though? He’s looking at you with a mixture of gratitude, warmth, and pride. You try your best to avoid his gaze as you put your hand on your hip and lift an eyebrow at them. You might actually keel over from adoration if you look at him.

“What are you guys even doing? Good Gods you people are far too supportive and clingy,” you say trying to hide your smile and then look at Gale, “don’t you have something cooking?”

“SHIT!”

All of your companions turn around to leave, but Astarion begins to walk towards you and you feel like your heart might explode in your chest. You see Karlach celebrate behind him- giving you a thumbs up again and you shake your head at her.

You just fought a woman and barely broke a sweat, but the minute he even looks at you- you feel like your whole body is on fire. Strong hands, grab you by the hips and pull you into his chest before he then moves them to your face. Astarion cups your face in his hands and is looking in your eyes.

“You are a sight to behold, Darling,” he says breathlessly, “that was the most beautiful display of violence I’ve ever seen.”

“ I- uh,” you choke back the surprise, “just another day… on the job?”

“Oh well, let me thank you for your wonderful work then.”

“You don’t need to-“

Astarion presses his lips to yours and swallows up the words you were going to say. The kiss is rough, but slow and needy- hungry even. It makes you feel like he is yearning for you- worshiping you in a temple.

When you pull back for air, you see how his eyes are blown wide with lust and another emotion you can’t quite decipher- it’s positive, but also a little fearful.

“Stay with me?” He asks, his voice uncharacteristically shy, “in my tent?”

“Tonight?”

“Yes,” he pauses before saying quietly, “and every night after that too- if you want.”

You let a huge smile spread across your face and his nervous expression appears to melt away almost instantly. You step back from him and curtsy.

“I, a simple camp urchin, would be honored to stay in your tent with you, Lord Acunin,” you say teasingly.

Astarion rolls his eyes with a lopsided smile, but puts his arm out to you. You loop your arm through his as if you are two normal nobles courting each other.

“First we must feed you, my Lady,” Astarion states in an overly proper tone, you giggle and you see the corners of his mouth twitch further at the sound, “I must make sure my lover is well taken care of after all.”

You are hot from head to toe and Astarion absolutely has to notice. If he does, he doesn’t say anything, but you hope he hears how alive he makes your heart sound.

*************************************

“Never have I ever…” Gale says, “worked for a Devil.”

Astarion watches as Karlach and Wyll begrudgingly take a large sip of their choice of liquor. You are leaning your head on Astarion’s shoulder- the alcohol making you slightly more affectionate in public. Astarion would be lying if he said it didn’t give him a thrill to be this close to you- even if PDA might not be his thing.

“Never have I ever- been a vampire,” Karlach says slyly.

Both you and Astarion grumble- taking a shot.

“Never have I ever,” Shadowheart says, tapping her finger on her knee , “lit a building on fire.”

Every single one of you but Halsin takes a shot. Shadowheart giggles and then also takes a shot.

“Shadowheart,” Karlach says and looks at her with confusion, “you aren’t supposed to drink if you haven’t done it?”

“Oh no- I have,” Shadowheart slurs, “I just wanted another shot and couldn’t think of anything else.”

Karlach begins to chastise Shadowheart playfully- commenting on how she is already way too messed up and Shadowheart saying, “I am a CLERIC I can cure my own hangovers!”

Everybody chuckles and returns to the game- it’s Wyll’s turn. Wyll regards you and cocks an eyebrow.

“Hmmmmm…. Never have I ever killed a Liche.”

You snort and take a shot.

“NO!” Wyll exclaims, “I thought I had you that time.”

“Mhmmmmm,” you hum in acknowledgement, “I think I was- 15?”

Wyll is sitting on the edge of his seat- actually everyone is. Astarion watches you squirm in recognization that everyone wants to hear your story.

“Oh it was just a complete accident,” you say with a fake enthusiasm, “I was exploring a nearby temple during a contract and just happened to run into one.”

Everyone bought the story- Wyll comments that you have terrible luck which you laugh at. He has no idea.

Astarion already knows this story- Dahlia had dragged your halfway dead body all the way into an abandoned castle off the coast of the Sea of Stars, resurrected you, and then shackled your feet and hands together. She later hid the key for the shackles somewhere in the castle for you to find.

It was an exercise- a sadistic one. You had pissed her off the night before because you had refused to let you cut your hair. She had cut it all off, every last inch, after she had beaten you into submission by quite literally killing you. This was the second part of your punishment.

She told you that there is a Lich hiding in the castle and her expectations of you were high- you are not to receive even a single scratch and the Lich needed to be dead. The punishment for not meeting these expectations? You would go without eating for a week and you would be locked away in the basement- not allowed to leave or see Tessa. You killed the lich, but you were horrifically mauled in the process because you couldn’t find the key. It was a long week in that dark, cold, horrible basement. Dahlia had also hired Abdirak to reinforce how horribly you fucked up.

Astarion absentmindedly puts his hand on yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze- trying to disrupt the spiral you’re evidently about to go into. You look over at him and Astarion feels like he could melt. You look at him with so much gratitude and as if he is the most important person who has ever walked this earth. Gods he has really really fucked up his plan.

The game has continued to go on without the two of you and suddenly everyone is staring at you both.

“Did you both not hear the question?” Karlach snorts while wiggling her eyebrows.

You both look at each other and you laugh awkwardly before turning back to Karlach.

“Repeat?”

“Never have I ever felt romantically towards any form of vampire,” Wyll states, “Gale, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart have had their shots already- so now we are just waiting on you two.”

Astarion doesn’t even have to think about it- which could partially be because of how intoxicated he currently is- obviously he is taking a shot.

He pours some more alcohol in yours and his glasses- then looks at you. This is about when his drunk mind realizes that he is basically stating, “I like you, but do you like me?” With his actions and that there is still the possibility that you could reject him. He did fling a Gnome you were trying to save into the air today- not the most attractive thing a person can do. (It was kind of worth it though).

“Cheers?” He says with a smirk on his face- hoping his eyes don’t reflect how nervous he feels.

You squint your eyes at him playfully before clinking the glass, “Cheers.”

Karlach claps her hands excitedly and Wyll’s eyes are sparkling while he looks at her. Shadowheart also smiles widely at the display of support.

You and Astarion have been speculating who Karlach is going to end up with for days now- Dammon is still a possibility, but you both have decided that it’s least likely. Astarion thinks Shadowheart and you think it will be Wyll. There’s 100 gold on the line for whoever wins. If it ends up being Dammon though? Well you will both drink and commiserate together about how blind you had both been.

It’s your turn now and you look directly at Astarion, he isn’t sure how he feels about the mischievous glint in your eyes. Then you say your sentence out loud and he feels a laugh bubble up from his lungs.

“Never have I ever flung a Deep Gnome from a windmill.”

Astarion falls off the log- laughing just as hard as he had done earlier- as you regale the group with the story. Gods it had been such a wonderful experience- the look on your face had been priceless. He also silently appreciated that you were far more impressed with his loophole than upset about his actions.

The goodies of the group castigate him, but they are all laughing equally as hard as the both of you are. You paint a very vivid picture using hand gestures and words that Astarion has been teaching you in common to describe things. He relishes in how lovely and lively you are- Alcohol is such a wonderful thing. He can just enjoy you without that horrible nagging in his head that even being involved with you anymore is a bad idea.

When Astarion finally finishes laughing- he happily takes another shot.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x you #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x tav #bg3 #karlach #astarion ancunin #vampire #Halsin #Wyll #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep

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thatbanditqueen · 11 months

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I Was The Best Husband

An Elvis Presley One-Shot

A response to the writing prompt "‘are you always this shy?"

Many thanks to my lovely compatriots @whositmcwhatsit @be-my-ally @vintageshanny @ellie-24 @missmaywemeetagain @from-memphis-with-love @powerofelvis for talking me off the ledge every time and holding my hand and reminding me why I love Elvis and how fun this can be.

Summary: It is March 1972, a month after Priscilla officially told Elvis about her affair with Mike Stone and her decision to leave him and request a divorce. He is in LA, getting ready to go back on tour and his entourage have invited some women over to help cheer him up.

Warnings: Some mild soft core make-out stuff. I think my smut generator is broken. Please send help. Oh, I wrote this today and there are a lot of typos. And some of it or all of it may not make sense. I'd honestly skip it.

Word Count: 4.2K

I Was the Best Husband

Friday, March 31, 1972, 8:30 p.m.

La Fortuna Apartment Complex

Just off Pico Blvd in West Los Angeles, CA

Her first response had been a firm no when Caroline stuck her head around Maureen’s bedroom door and asked if she wanted to come to a party in the hills at Elvis Presley’s house.

“Please, please PLEASE, Mo, I need you there to make sure I don’t drink too much or do anything stupid. 'Sides, Joe told me to bring some friends.”

“Who’s Joe?”

Caroline walked into Maureen’s room and sat on her vanity stool, wiping the corners of her mouth.

“I met him at the Whiskey last summer, when I was in the cage. He’s works for Elvis, took me out to Palm Springs for Labor Day, ‘member?” Carolyn's long, golden hair glistened in the bedroom lamp light.

“Right, how many girls were there? Twenty? Didn’t you say the trip was a bust?”

“I go to sit on Elvis’ lap for a whole gospel song, and then he asked me and another girl to make out in front of him. That’s a story I’ll be telling my grandchildren one day. Don’t you want to be able to do that?”

Maureen shook her head. “Hmmm, I think I’d probably leave out the second part. I don’t know, Cari, I -”

“Ah ha! You’re thinking about it. Get dressed, we gotta pick up Teresa. You don’t want to miss your opportunity to meet Elvis!”

“Right, maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get to watch the two of you make out on his lap. I don’t know why you need me to come if Teresa is, she makes since, you' 're both waitresses at Bootlegger’s. I’m not sure this Joe was thinking of me when he told you to bring some friends.”

Maureen looked down, smoothing her tee over her small bust while Caroline jumped up and spritzed Maureen’s perfume over her wrists.

“You’re cute, you’re funny, and you have a car, so shake a tail feather and let’s go.”

**************************

Carolyn turned up the radio and “Maggie May” resounded through the car as Maureen guided her Volkswagen bug up the steep incline into the Hollywood Hills. The road twisted and got narrower as they went along and she had to lean forward to feel steady shifting the gears.

Maureen found herself staring at Teresa’s beautiful brown skin as it gleaming in the streetlights while they walked up to the front of the large, white Tudor-style house. Maureen felt like an ugly duckling about to wander into lake full of swans, and hastened her gait, jogging up to link her arm between the other two taller, dazzling women as she balanced herself on her wooden clogs.

Knocking a few times, the door was finally opened by a tall white guy whose name was either Dick, Rick or Nick, and the women made their way into the foyer and down the split level steps towards an large open living room where guests were milling around talking, dancing, drinking.

Carolyn leaned into whisper, “Joe says they’re trying to cheer Elvis up, his wife just asked for a divorce and moved out.”

Maureen only had a moment to reflect on this when Carolyn’s wrist was grabbed by a stout, short balding guy wearing black sunglasses inside at 10 p.m. at night. This, apparently, was Joe. He reminded Maureen of a a think, fat ground hog with no neck and a big, friendly expression that hid rows of sharp teeth. Joe smiled as he kissed Carolyn’s cheeks and checked out Teresa, then nodded politely at Maureen, as he took Carolyn in hand and led them to go meet “the boss.”

They could hear Elvis’ voice echoing through the air before they saw him as they walked out to the pool patio.

“Man, I don’t know how she could do this to me, I was the best husband a woman could ask for. Ain't no one in my family ever been divorced, 'cept my mean-ass, desertin' no good sonofabitch grandaddy. Unnatural for a woman to wanna break up a family like that. After everything I gave her, too. Provided everything a woman could ask for. And what thanks do I get? She steals my baby away and breaks up our fucking family .”

Elvis stood there at the side of the pool, his arms around two beautiful women as he spoke to a short young white guy, maybe in his late twenties or early thirties, with long greasy dark hair and bushy eyebrows. Elvis paused his diatribe to kiss one of the woman’s cheeks and ask what her name was again, before his eyes met Joe’s and he made a half grin.

“Hey, EP, you remember Cari from Palm Springs, huh?”

Elvis let go of the women he was with and drew Carolyn into his side, kissing her cheek and saying of course he remembered her. He hummed a few bars of a gospel song, which made Carolyn giggle, and then asked her to introduce him to her friends as he took Teresa and then Maureen’s hands, kissing them one at a time. Maureen shivered when Elvis took her hand, his eyes narrowed as his mouth turned upward into a crooked grin and he winked at her. She forgot how to talk as his nose grazed the top of her hand and he squeezed it to his mouth for light, warm kiss.

“This here is Arty Shiskee, he’s workin’ on this picture we’re makin’ with MGM, been filming our tour rehearsals all day.”

The short, dark haired man smiled anxiously, and uncrossed his arms to shake their hands. Carolyn leaned into Elvis, and Joe took Maureen by the waist to “show you around, maybe get you a drink, babe?”

Maureen felt as Joe was moving her out to pasture with the other guests not selected for Elvis’ harem, so she tilting her head toward the bar inside and said thanks.

Waiting for three white wine spritzers, Maureen turned to see Arty.

“Hey, Art, is it?”

“Actually, it’s Marty. I don’t have the guts to correct him, he’s Elvis, ya know? I guess I’m a coward. Also, how can I give the guy a hard time? He’s wife just left him.”

“Yeah, he seems real broken up about, huh? How will he ever find another companion?”

Marty chuckled, and pulled his hair behind his ear as Maureen carried on, she always talked more when she felt nervous.

“I guess it’s good he feels comfortable talking about it.”

“Um, yeah, ‘comfortable,’ that’s one way to put it.”

Before Maureen could ask him what he meant, her drinks were ready, and she enlisted Marty’s help carrying them back to the others. This was not easy, Elvis and the girls had disappeared from the patio, and Marty diligently followed Maureen through the mansion until they spotted the back of his shag hairdo on a couch in a large den. Maureen handed her friends their drinks and settled onto the floor, leaning back against the side of a brown velour couch and resting her shoes on the fur rug that extended out from the coffee table. Carolyn seemed at home sitting atop Elvis’ lap, buffeted by two other women sitting on either side all listening attentively as Elvis spoke.

“I am telling ya what, man, I gave her everything a wife could ask for, she wanted a horse, I got her a horse. She wanted ranch we drove by in Mississippi, by god, I got her the damn ranch. And I bought everyone a truck for the ranch. She wanted a bigger house in Los Angle -lesss, why, I bought this huge goddamn house. Gave her unlimited budget to decorate this place to her heart’s desire. New car every time she blinked. Jewelry boxes filled with diamonds. A closet full of new designer clothes.”

Elvis rubbed Carolyns waist and extended his other arm around the redhead next to him, looking at one, then the other, as he asked. “Now, wouldn’t you like that, honey? Would that have made you happy?”

“Uh huh, daddy. That wouldda made me the happiest.”

Elvis kissed Carolyn’s cheek as she said this. “Right? Thank ya, baby. That’s cuz you’re sweet, normal, nice girl, ain’t got anti-freeze running through your veins.”

He kissed the redhead’s cheek too, and then her lips as she turned toward him and put her hands around his neck.

“I would have been so happy, Elvis, I wouldda let you know, twenty five hours a day, eight days a week.”

The loud smacks of their sloppy kisses echoed through the room, and Maureen suddenly felt very self conscious, as if she was watching something she ought not to. She didn’t go to these Hollywood people parties very often, although perhaps it wasn’t soo weird, she reasoned, for a handsome, wealthy, star like Elvis to make out with good looking women in his own house.

Surrounded by other good looking people.

Who were mostly 20-something females.

Maureen looked around and clocked at least another ten girls just in their area alone, with only three other men hanging out among the guests. Two after Marty waved a small goodbye and slipped out through the side door onto the patio.

Maureen returned her gaze to Elvis, who had paused his kisses with the sympathetic redhead in order to continue talking. Every few moments, Maureen thought she caught Elvis glance at her out of the corner of his eye, but she told herself it was nothing.

“Ya see, honey, now, that’s what I told her, I said any other woman would fuckin’ kill to be where you are, to have what you have, to have a husband like me. Uh huh, but not my wife. Nah, that bitch has a heart of stone. What thanks do I get for everything I’ve done? Come home to find all that swag I bought, gone, man, gone.”

He snapped his fingers. “She packed it all up, gave up on a ten year relationship, over ten years, and and left me for another man.” Elvis shook his head, his squeezing Carolyn’s knee.

A smile came over Elvis’ face as he looked from Carolyn to the redhead, and Maureen thought maybe he was going to try and get the two to make out. Instead, he asked them, “Hey, want to see something out of sight?”

As they nodded, he jumped up, and looked around, his eyes settling on Maureen as reached out his hand to draw her up from the floor.

“Check this out honey, Imma show you how a real man protects his family. ’Git up here, woman, I need ya.” Maureen stumbled up as Elvis pulled her to the middle of the room and positioned her arms out. “Alright, baby, now stand still and Do. Not. Move. Do you trust me?”

Maureen nodded hesitantly, her eyes wide with what could probably be best described as the opposite of trust. Elvis face lit up, and then he took a deep breath, his hands together in prayer as he centered them in front of his face and down to his chest. Then he proceeded to thrust his leg up, extending the knee forward in a swift karate kick out at her side.

Maureen froze in terror as Elvis grunted loudly and proceeded to demonstrate a rash of karate chops on either side of her face, followed by a few more high thrusting kicks, his black hair flounced in the air from his movements and “hiyas!” echoing around the room. He chuckled as he caught his breath, rubbing her shoulder.

“Whoa, hey there, you can breath darlin, it’s ok. I’m a black belt.”

He turned to the little crowd that had formed around the room as they clapped and he took a bow.

“See y’all? That’s how karate can be, if ya know what ya doin’ like I do. I can control my movements precisely and protect my family. I could kill a man with my bare hands if I wanted to.”

Then his face erupted into a grin as Maureen chuckled nervously.

“Course, I wouldn’t. A true master only uses deadly force as a last resort. Against those who mean him or his family harm.” Elvis growled, and Maureen quickly ducked under his arm, about to sit, or flee, an option she was seriously considering until she felt his grip on her wrist.

“You did great, darlin, I could tell you liked it, saw it in your eyes. Watch out, once it gets you, there's no going back,’” he murmured, and kissed her on her lips, his hands on the sides if her face. Then he held out her hand for her to take a bow before he released her.

“Didn’t she seem fearless? Give it up for Colleen, everyone, bravest little gal in here. Probably the craziest too. Could see it in her eyes.”

He winked as Maureen joined people standing at the edge of the room, before sneaking off to use the bathroom and grateful she hadn’t peed her pants during Elvis’ karate demonstration. It had been terrifying, exhilarating, and mesmerizing. The violence and intensity of Elvis might even have turned her on a bit, but this sensation was almost certainly overwhelmed by the mortal fear that he was going to kill or seriously injure her.

***************************

It was past one when Maureen made a concerted effort to find her friends and persuade them to go home. She had been enjoying the free drinks and picking at some fried chicken as she made small talk with other guests, avoiding the areas where she heard the loud refrain of the best husband in all of Memphis, Hollywood and the goddamn world. But now she would have to face him, and found Elvis in the living room where she made her way to the corner and scanned the area for Carolyn and Teresa. She was distracted by Elvis' direct glances at her every few minutes. Realizing her friends weren’t with him or in the room, Maureen turned to leave but was stopped by Joe's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, boss man wants you to come join us," his arm snaked around her as he led her over to the few people still hanging out.

“Hey there, it’s my karate partner. Where’s the fire, honey? Come on, take a load off.”

Maureen’s eyes widened but she found herself stuttering and unable to talk in the glow of Elvis full attention.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry, I have to find my friends, Carolyn and Teresa, I think they may have actually been on your lap, at one point.”

Elvis’ lips curled up, and he bit his bottom one as he muttered. “Oh yes, Careful Carolyn, mmhmmm, yeah, I think she and that purty Black girl went home with Jerry, huh Joe?"

The ground hog nodded.

Elvis winked, and then his eyebrows creased as he saw Maureen’s face fall. “Oh it’s ok, baby, did your friends leave you behind? It’s ok, I, uh, I think they was lookin’ for ya, actually, yeah, they said to tell you not ta worry.”

Elvis squeezed her hand and nodded to the others as he turned and guided Maureen away from the living through a hall.

“C’mon, I know something that will make ya feel better. It’s my cure all for when life gets me down.”

Elvis’ hand slipped around Maureen’s waist, and she let her head dip into his side, more from exhaustion than anything else. The feeling of Elvis tall, sturdy body as he held her to him and kissed the top of her head was comforting, she made the decision not to think about how he seemed to be instantly intimate with every woman he met. She definitely decided not to question whether this quality had been appreciated by his soon-to-be ex-wife.

Elvis pushed them into a large country style kitchen, with a wide, wooden island in the middle. Loosening his grip, Elvis went to the fridge while Maureen determined she would be more comfortable sitting down and settled on the nearest and therefore most logical option: the island’s yellow tiled counter. This is where she sat swinging her legs as Elvis returned with a gallon of vanilla ice cream and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

“Well, now, ya hardly said a word all night, sweetheart, are you always this shy?”

“Um, only with people I don’t know.” Maureen murmured, looking down and pulling the strap of her black jersey dress back up from her shoulder.

“You sayin’ you don’t know me?”

Maureen looked up into Elvis’s eyes, and her heart fluttered as he stepped closer. Now his long arms pushed over her lap to settled alongside her body on the counter as he moved between her legs. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and felt the movements of his chest acutely against her nipples as he leaned closer and hovered in front of her. Exhaling through her nose, she tried not to gasp as she tapped out her fingers nervously and looked down. A lone, nervous giggle escaped her mouth.

“Um, not really. Not who you really are.” Maureen whispered to her lap, which now included Elvis’ hands, rubbing her waist.

He lifted her chin, speaking softly as he looked into her eyes. “S’ok baby, I don’t bite. Much.”

Then Elvis chomped his teeth together loudly into Maureen's face and she jerked back with a giggling gasp.

Elvis laughed, straightening his yellow tinted sunglasses. “Well, I’m Elvis, Elvis Presley. Nice ta meet ya, Colleen.”

��Maureen. It’s Maureen, though my friends all call me Mo.”

Elvis’ finger’s trailed up the side of Maureen’s outer thigh, and she swallowed as he widened her legs around him.

“Alright then, see, I didn’t really know who you were.” He murmured into her cheek. “Nice ta meet ya, Mo.”

Elvis seemed to recognize the effect he had on her, as her breath hitched in her throat and she found her self incapable of talking. He stepped back with a chuckle, and dragged the ice cream over the counter next to Maureen’s hip, pulling off the container top and flipping the chocolate syrup lid with his teeth and a dramatic exaggerated “humpf."

Maureen and guffawed watching Elvis poured the chocolate sauce directly into the ice cream container.

"What are you doing? No one else'll be able to eat that."

“Honey, do you see anyone else here? S’my house, now, dammit, and I’ll do what I want. Ain’t got no wife to nag at me. If I wanna eating ice cream outta the box, then I'll get it out of the box." He said, slurping a messy spoonful into his open mouth.

Elvis brought a second helping to Maureen’s lips. “Now, open wide, like a good lil gal.” He chuckled as she let him push the spoon into her mouth slowly, moaning in delight as she swallowed the sweet, cold, sugary goodness.

“MMhmmm. See, now, do I know how to make women happy or what? You wouldn’t have left me, would ya, Mo Mo?”

“No, but I'm pretty easy to win over. I'd forgive almost anything if a man feeds me ice cream.”

Maureen winked at him and wiped her mouth just in time for another spoon of chocolate swirled ice cream, which Elvis followed with a soft, grateful kiss. He threw the spoon down and leaned into her, his hands moving up her body until they were cupping the back of her head and his lips settled again over hers.

Slow, soft, tender movements turned needier as they rocked back and forth. Maureen’s hands stroked the top of Elvis' shoulders, pulling him in by the lapel as she opened her mouth to meet his tongue. Her wooden platforms hit against each other as she notched her legs around Elvis, gripping him to her, as close as as she could bring him. Elvis stepped back, panting as he wiped his mouth, his lips contorted in a dopey grin.

She could hear the front door slam as people left the party, but they weren't going back to that way when he drew her off the counter and left the ice cream melting where it sat. She could see it in his eyes, a hungry wolfish glare, and his arm pulled her the other way, away from the people, the music, and the main part of the house.

“C’mon, baby, let me give you the VIP tour.” Elvis announced as they walked through the other side of the kitchen to a narrow stair case.

“These are some stupid, expensive-ass refurbished stairs.”

He bounced into the second floor, and turned to draw Maureen into him once more, his hand at the back of her neck and her body thrummed with need as his fingers played with the scruff of her hair. Then he was pressing her to the wall, pressing all her thoughts and misgivings away with his lips, while his hands blindly felt their way over her hips.

Minutes passed by measured by the metronome of air popping softly between their lips. Elvis fingers began to migrate lower, tugging at the hem of her dress. He smiled at the arousal in Maureen’s wide, brown eyes, leading her through a door at the end of the hall.

“Oh loook, huh, I think,” he paused as he walked to turn on one solitary lamp on top of a dresser on. “I think we found, the, uh, bedroom.” He looked down, almost shy, as he grinned.

Maureen swished from side to side playfully, anxiously, hesitantly in place where she stood across the room from him. Suddenly self-conscious, her desire faltered as she thought about where she was and who she was with, and became profoundly insecure about her sexual prowess.

“MMhmmmm. There is a bed.” She murmured, her arm up behind her neck, twisting her long, brown hair aside. “And, it is a room. So I guess it fits the definition.”

Elvis eyes narrowed in recognition as he strode back to her and took her hand, his lips kissing the top lightly and his nose nuzzling into Maureen’s knuckles. “Hey baby, we don’t gotta do nothin’, ok? You’re the boss.”

Maureen felt a blistering heat grow between her legs, and she let out a breathy exhale as Elvis moved his lips up her arm, kissing his way to the nape of her neck.

“We aint’t gotta do nothin’ you don't wanna do, nothin' at all, ok honey? Don’t shake, sshhhh, s’ok.”

Maureen put her hands around Elvis’ neck, willing away her trembling nerves as the knot in her belly propelled her to be as close to him as possible. She felt ashamed of how much she wanted to do the opposite of nothing, right now, all at once as soon as possible.

“I, um, I’m not one for, I mean, I don’t usually do one night stands.”

He took her hand, and led her over to the bed and pulling her onto his lap. “There, we don’t have ta stand at all.”

Maureen exhaled with a chuckle as Elvis rubbed his hand up and down her thigh slowly, suddenly sheepish and uncertain. He let out a hesitant exhale. For some inexplicable reason, Elvis’ sudden nervousness made Maureen relax a little, and she lifted her fingers to caress his cheek before stranding to take off her dress.

He stopped her, and lifted her right foot to his lap, and then her left, chuckling at her cries as he throw her shoes across the room. Then he pulled her up in front of him, instructing her to lift her dress slowly. Very slowly.

Maureen’s breath escaped her nose in long gasps as she lifted her black dress, drawing it over her head, inch by inch, encouraged by the short gasps Elvis' throat made as his eyes locked into hers. He groaned loudly and bit his lip when she revealed the light, yellow flowered panties with a little yellow bow at the middle. Lifting her dress like a curtain, revealing her belly inch-by-inch, then her breasts, then her nipples, the feel of the fabric brushing over her skin was titillating. Naked, except for her panties, she moved her arms over her tummy and did an awkward little wiggle as she hurriedly sought out the warm of Elvis’ embrace.

His movements were slow and purposeful, trailing his over her as he removed her arms from her tummy and just soaked in the sight of her body, biting his lip and breathing. He met her eyes, and gather her body on top of his, planting kisses along her clavicle, each breath made Maureen’s pulse quicken and she ran her hands through Elvis’ soft hair. He laid her back on to the bed, on his knees between her legs as he slid her underwear off, watching as he revealed her wooly, warm labia, sucking in air as he shook his head with reverence and whispered a low goddamn, goddamn.

Maureen let out a breathy chuckle. “What? What is it?”

“Just beautiful, honey, I just like looking at it.”

“I’m, uh. I think I’ve probably done this less than you.” She let out another nervous chuckle, every cell in her body was telling her to shut up but when Maureen got nervous, she started talking more. “I don’t know how I’ll compare to Vegas showgirls or or even —”

Elvis put his finger her to her lips, then he calmly stood up and kicked off his shoes, hanging up his sports coat and printed dress shirt over a chair.

“S’ok, honey, don’t get all up in your head like that. Shhh, just remember to breath and uh, follow my lead.”

Elvis returned to hoover above Maureen and kissed her gently. He winked, and Maureen felt him tremble as he moved to unzipped his pants.

“I really was the best husband, ya know? I never expected anything from my wife. Ever. Knew it was my job to provide. And, uh, when it cimes to making love." He blushed. " I, uh, know, well, that its the man’s job to make it good. You’ll see.”

#elvis presley #elvis fanfiction #i was the best husband #banditqueenwrites

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crystalbeetle888 · 2 months

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Voyage into the Unknown Pt.7

Master List Pt.6 - Pt.7 - Pt.8

I sit up as Balin checks my leg for any injury. Rolling up my pants, a large bruise stretches across my calf. “Can you bend your knee for me lass?” I lift my leg slowly, a sharp pain shooting in my knee “Yeah, hurts though” I hissed. He pokes around my knee some more “Well, it’s not broken, and that’s good. But it seems like your knee is sprained” Balin stands “I’ll send Oin over to wrap it" he nods, wandering off towards the group. The men have already gathered all our things from the old camp, and brought them over, before separating and deciding to wander off for whatever reason. Sitting by myself, I huff in frustration trying not to get overwhelmed or upset ‘Fucking asshole Thorin’ I think bitterly. ‘Nothing is ever good enough for him’ I brewed in my bitter thoughts. Soon enough, Oin walks over and wraps my leg tightly, causing me to wince as I step on it “It’ll heal in no time lass, just don’t strain it too much” he says packing up his medical kit.

Suddenly, Thorin yells out “Something’s coming!” “Stay together! Hurry now, Arm yourselves!” Gandalf urges us, the company coming together in a tight protection circle. Kili stands defensively in front of me, bow drawn. “Thieves! Fire! Murder!” A voice wails as a raggedy looking man comes bursting out the bushes on a rabbit pulled sleigh. “Radagast. It’s Radagast the Brown. Well, what on earth are you doing here?” Gandalf grumbles. “I was looking for you, Gandalf. Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong” “Yes?” Radagast pauses in thought, “Oh- Just give me a minute” he huffs in frustration, waving his hands around. “Oh, I had a thought and now I’ve lost it. It was right there on the tip of my tongue” he complains to Gandalf, who looks at him inquisitively. Radagast sticks out his tongue, “Oh, it’s not a thought at all. It’s a silly old- stick insect” He says as Gandalf pulls the bug from his friend's mouth, and returns it back to him.

Looking around, no one else seems to be too bothered about the sight except for Bilbo, who looks appalled. With the lack of danger, the company disperses once again. Gandalf and Radagast leave to converse privately, and Thorin follows them to snoop.

A sharp pain shoots through my knee, causing me to hiss and buckle over “Are you alright?” Kili asks, grabbing my arm supportively, “Yeah, it’s just my knee”. He leads me over to a fallen log and kneels down in front of me to inspect Oins’ wrap, as if he knows what he’s doing. “It’s just a sprain, I’ll be fine” I try to ease his worries, “You don’t know that, it could easily become worse” he says, still concerned. His frown is intense as he fiddles with the wrappings “I’m not fragile Kili, I won’t break that easily” He glances up at me before sighing, fingers lightly brushing over the bruise, causing goosebumps to prickle up my arms “I just don’t want to see you in pain” He whispers gently. I smile at his concern, “I’m sure I’ll survive this sprained knee” I joke patting him on the shoulder. “I’m not so convinced, perhaps I should carry you the rest of the journey” He smirks, and sits down closely beside me on the log “You’re more than welcome to try Kili” we laugh together before a loud howl echoes through the forest, causing Kili to jump up in fright. “Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?” Bilbo asks hastily, “Wolves? No, that is not a wolf” Bofur states, looking around scared. Branches crack behind us as a large, ugly, wolf-like creature prowls over the ridge, growling deeply as it charges and pounces on Dori. Thorin slashes at his head, sword lodging in its skull “Kili! get your bow!” he yells, as another approaches from behind and leaps towards him. Kili shoots the beast in the shoulder causing it to tumble and slide, still snapping at Thorin, until Dwalin strikes its skull with his battle axe.

I rise quickly from my seat and hop over to stand behind Kili, “Warg scouts. Which means an Orc pack is not far behind” Thorin states freeing his sword. “Orc pack?” Bilbo asks, clearly frightened. “Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?” Gandalf storms forward to interrogate him, “No one” “Who did you tell?” Gandalf presses him. “No one, I swear” Thorin repeats sternly and Gandalf huffs “What in Durin’s name is going on?” he asks, “You are being hunted” Gandalf answers. “We have to get out of here” Dwalin states urgently “We can’t, We have no ponies. They bolted” Ori says, rushing down the ridge with Bifur in tow. Bilbo paces worriedly and I place my hand on Kilis’ shoulder, him placing his own over mine in comfort.

“I’ll draw them off,” Radagast proposes. “These are Gundabad Wargs. They will outrun you” Gandalf disagrees, “These are Rhosgobel rabbits. I’d like to see them try” He smiles confidently at his long time friend, who reluctantly nods in agreement.

“Gather yourselves, carry what you can” Gandalf commands. The company quickly throws on their packs as Gandalf leads us out of the woods, Radagast already riding off with the Wargs following close behind. A sharp pain shoots up my leg as we weave between the large boulders, the Wargs howling angrily as they attempt to catch the slippery man. “Stay together! Move!” Gandalf urges us as Radagast leads the wargs across our path. We hide behind a large stone slab “Ori, no! Get back” Thorin pulls him back behind the stone before the Wargs running past can spot him. “All of you. Come on, quick!” Gandalf shepherd's us. “Where are you leading us?” I hear Thorin ask as I jog limply past them.

The Wargs charging ahead of us force us to hide flat against a boulder. A deep growl emanates from above us, Thorin nods at Kili, who steps out and shoots at the Warg. It screeches in pain, falling down the ledge in front of us, it attempts to bite at the arrow lodged in its side. A horrid grey being clad in leather and metal charges at the company, Dwalin and Bifur striking it. The two beasts shriek loudly as they are killed, the clanging metal echoes throughout the open field. A moment of silence falls over the valley before a howl sounds from nearby “Move! Run!” Gandalf yells leading the company away from the sound. I pant heavily as we begin to run again, the howling and barking motivates me enough to not fall behind. “There they are!” Gloin hollers “This way! Quickly!” Gandalf guides us. I groan in frustration following behind the company, the pain in my leg has become a dull burning sensation in comparison to the rest of my body.

After much running the Wargs finally catch up to us, cornering us against a rock face. “There’s more coming!” Kili yells, “Kili, shoot them!” Thorin hollers back. Pulling out my sword I hold it in unsteady hands, my training has barely begun and I certainly don’t feel as though I could actually kill someone. Well, I’m not sure those things are a someone, more like a something.

“We’re surrounded!” Fili warns us, “Where’s Gandalf?” Dori asks panicked, “He’s abandoned us” Dwalin responds angrily. The approaching Orcs grin menacingly and their Wargs growl, drooling in anticipation. “Hold your ground!” Thorin yells. The company slowly forms a tighter and tighter circle as the Orcs draw near, Bilbo and I stand in the centre. “This way, you fool!” Gandalf's voice rings out, turning round he disappears behind a rock. “Come on, move!” Thorin yells. Running quickly, I clamber over the stone and slip down a steep slope into a small cave. Thorins’ yells for the rest to follow “Quickly, all of you!”. The company swiftly follows behind, landing one by one at the mouth of the cave. Thorin finally slides down once everyone is safely inside. Suddenly a loud horn blows from outside, the company listening intently as a fight rages on. An Orc body tumbles roughly into the hole, landing directly at my feet. Kili pulls me back as everyone aims their weapons. Thorin plucks the arrow from its body, inspecting it closely “Elves” he hissed. I huff in exhaustion, trying to catch my breath from all that running and adrenaline. “I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or no?” Dwalin asks, inspecting the tunnel, “Follow it, of course” Bofur responds urgently.

The men bustle down the tunnel single file, chattering and bumping each other as they pass through the tight ravine. Bright rays of light stream down illuminating the path. The trail opens up to a small ledge overlooking a steep valley, an elaborate stone city stretches across the canyon, many bridges connecting each building. Waterfalls spill from under the city, creating a winding river at the bottom. Lush green foliage litter the cliffside.

The company and I stare out in awe, “The Valley of Imladris. In the common tongue, it’s known by another name” Gandalf wanders over, “Rivendell” Bilbo finishes his sentence. “Here lies the last Homely House East of the Sea”. The men begin to gossip amongst themselves in Khazdul, clearly upset. I bend over at the waist, my hands clutching the straps on my backpack tightly as pain spikes through my knee and back, causing me to breathe out raggedy. A hand gently places itself on my back “Are you alright Miss?” Gloin asks, I nod in response not trusting my voice. I straighten up as Gandalf and Thorin walk past, not wanting to be a burden.

Gandalf leads the company down the winding stairs, across a bridge and to a circular platform, protected by two large statues of armoured warriors. I gaze around in fascination at the mythical place, the company muttering amongst themselves in suspicion. A tall, long haired, angelic looking man walks down the stairway to greet us “Mithrandir” he says, placing his hand on his chest. Gandalf turns in surprise “Ah, Lindir” he smiles welcomingly. The two men begin to speak in another language.

“I must speak with Lord Elrond” Gandalf states to Lindir, “My Lord Elrond is not here” He responds. A horn, like the one before, sounds loudly from behind us, causing us to turn. A troop of armoured men on horses ride quickly towards us “Close ranks!” Thorin yells, the dwarves pulling Bilbo and I into the center of the protection circle. The pushing and shoving quickly aggravates me, as the company is circled by the riders, one of them hoping off. “Gandalf” he greets him, “Lord Elrond” he calls back merrily. Hoping off his horse, the two hug conversing in their language again.

Running on no sleep, adrenaline, and no breakfast, I tune out the conversations as a wave of fatigue washes over me. I grasp onto Bofurs' shoulder, leaning on him for support “You alright lass? You’re looking a bit haggard” He whispers, gaining the attention of some of the surrounding dwarves. I hum in response, breathing heavily.

“What is he saying? Does he offer us insults?” Gloins voice interrupts us, “No, Master Gloin, he’s offering you food.” Gandalf corrects him. The company turns to each other mummering, before turning back to Lord Elrond “Well, in that case, lead on” Gloin says. Lord Elrond nods, scanning the company before his eyes meet mine “Perhaps, my lady should be attended to first? I’ll have Lindir accompany you to a room” He waves his hand and Lindir approaches, offering to take my pack. I nod and give him a weak smile, shrugging off the heavy bag with a groan and passing it to the pointy eared man. The company grumbles in Khazdul, a hand brushes mine lightly as I begin to follow Lindir. I turn to spot Kili glaring intensely at the tall man. Patting his arm in passing, I weakly attempted to reassure him as I continued to walk by.

Master List Pt.6 - Pt.7 - Pt.8

Authors Note: Apologies for the later update, this chapter is quite bland, will get another out soon <3

#fili and kili #kili durin #kili x reader #the company of thorin oakenshield #the company x reader #the hobbit #thorin

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therevengeoffrankenstein · 6 months

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my dashboard simulator:

mutual 1: i'm so unloved (2 notes, one from mutual 5 who loves him so so so very much)

mutual 2: *reblog of thing they are trying to care about but obviously don't. like at all* wow! that's, like, so cool! you are so cool!

mutual 3: *reblog of fanart that is objectively beautiful but is of something i give 0 shits about*

mutual 4: scringlo from the vingo-blee vamps is totally not that evil! i mean like he murdered an entire orphanage in cold blood but he wouldn't step on a bug!

mutual 5: i want to smear his pussy blood on my forehead

mutual 6: can't believe my mom literally killed and ate our elderly cat! i'm really scared but this is the second time this week she ate one of our beloved pets so i think she's just like that. every time i bring it up to her she says 'that's just how us [family name] women are' in an elmo voice? help?

mutual 7: breaking bad yas slay version #breaking fag

mutual 8: sorry for causing the [bane of the existence of at least six other mutuals] it's not my fault that i have 5k followers

mutual 9: might kill myself if i can't get a boyfriend

mutual 10: *vagueing mutual 5* kinda funny how insane ya'll get over the silliest shit. don't you understand how little i care? i love apathy.

mutual 11: strap from a butch ogre girl 😍

mutual 12: *reblog of a candid of a celebrity that died tragically young under mysterious circumstances whose life gets overly romanticized*

mutual 13: cat meme that says 'i stay silly' but it has realistic blood drawn on it

mutual 14: *a cutesy, poorly photoshopped image of man you find ugly at best*

#myevilposts

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maskedpalmcivet · 2 years

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So nobody cares about this, but a while ago I made a post about crossing over Star Wars the The Locked Tomb series. Since then I did some thinking on what it would look like. So here are some ideas I had

The backstory:

It starts off with a young Harrow at home on the Ninth House. Young as in 8 years old.

In comes a young Anakin. I imagine Anakin is 1-2 years older than Harrow, so maybe he’d be around 10. This is fresh off of Tattooine Anakin, newly apprenticed. He’s maybe been a padawan for a month or so.

Something has happened to have Anakin land on the Ninth House with a way to get back, not sure what yet. At the Ninth House, he meets little Harrow.

Baby Harrow is all “gross who are you get away from my house I will smite you,” and baby Anakin is all “You’re a funky little fellow can I be your friend?”. So Anakin is consistently kind and Harrow is increasingly suspicious but the kind of get along. They learn names, Anakin learns about where he is, Harrow learns why this boy has an ugly braid.

But then the Ninth House bell (which I forgot the name of) rings and Harrow has to leave. She tells Anakin, in her snobbiest baby voice possible, to never come back. Anakin makes it a vow to come back as often as possible.

So Anakin, year after year, finds a time where he can sneak away to the Ninth House and see his funky little emo friend. Harrow, begrudgingly, starts to enjoy seeing Anakin. Though she’d never admit it.

But one day, Anakin stops visiting. Harrow isn’t offended, but shes wildly curious and spends a good portion of her days speculating as to why he stopped coming. She guesses it has to do with this obnoxious “Obi-Wan” figure Anakin always complains about.

Present

So fast forward a few years. Mid clone wars for Anakin and the point in Canaan house where Harrow and Gideon start getting along better but aren’t really friends or anything (pre-pool scene)

Some kind of argument happens between someone (Probs Gideon) and Harrow, and Harrow takes an angry walks. (Btw it’s about nighttime when this happens)

However Anakin managed to get to TLT world happens to Harrow. She trips down a hole or smth and when she opens her eyes, she is definitely not in Canaan house.

City lights everywhere, people bustling around, a weird sort of thalergy flowing around (spoiler alert: it’s the force), and it’s all too loud.

Also it’s raining and Harrow decides she doesn’t like that. And it’s kind of dark — she seems to be in an alley — though she is adapted to that stuff.

So she gets up, internally panicking, and looks around. She’s in an alleyway, she steps out of it. The people are strange, it’s noisy, it’s unfamiliar and—

There’s a familiar presence. Though Harrow doesn’t quite understand why she can sense it so well.

She turns around. Across the street, clipping his lightsaber back on his belt, is Anakin.

Anakin senses her in the force and has a “bitch wtf” moment before spotting her. He quickly crosses the street to get to her.

He grins and goes in for a hug, Harrow doesn’t have time to react so she just awkwardly accepts it, standing all stiff like a stick bug.

“Anakin? What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?”

“Wait— where am I?”

“Coruscant,”

“That weird ass planet you told me about? Ima be honest I kinda didn’t believe you,” (out of character dialogue but shhh,”

“Rude,”

So basically, they talk and figure things out and realize that, hey, Harrow maybe probably doesn’t have a way to get to get home.

So Anakin is like, “You know what, I’m on leave and heading home from uh Jedi stuff (meeting with Padme), so why don’t you come back to the temple with me and we’ll get everything sorted out in the morning,”

Harrow cautiously agrees.

When they get there, Harrow hates to admit it and won’t say it, but the Jedi temple is very beautiful. She’s not one for pretty sights, but she is one for long hallways full of ambiance and the Jedi temple at night is full of that.

They continue down the halls, having pleasant conversation and catching up. Anakin takes that time to casually drop that he’s been in a war for the last year or so and that’s why he hasn’t been able to visit. Harrow acts nonplussed.

They’re about to head into Anakin room when they encounter Rex walking towards the exit (he’s probably in the temple to help out with smth)

Rex decides he is way to Tired™️ for this shit and promptly keeps walking, only having an “o shit, what the fuck” moment when he’s out of the temple.

Anakin tells Harrow to crash on the couch he apparently has. Harrow does and lays very stiffly while Anakin goes to sleep in his own bed. Harrow doesn’t expect to get any sleep at all, but again that weird thalergy seems to surround her, stronger than ever, and lulls her into a sleep like a mother rocking a child.

The next morning, Harrow wakes up before Anakin. She leaves one of her notes with the cramped handwriting and goes to walk around the halls.

The gremlin sticks to the shadows, trying to be as subtle as possible. But of course someone (Obi-Wan), can sense her.

He approaches silently when her back is turned. Curiously, he tilts his head, “I don’t believe I’ve seen you before,” he comments.

Harrow jumps out of her skin. She whirls around and nearly conjures a skeleton or two, but Obi places his hand out placatingly.

“Calm,” he soothes, “Captain Rex informed me he saw you with Anakin, if you were at all threatening then my Palawan would have done something. I only want to talk,”

Harrow tilts her chin up, leaning her weight in her back most leg and crossing her arms, “So it’s you,” she sneers, lip curling in a nasty way.

Obi steps back, “Excuse me?”

“You’re the mysterious mentor Anakin always complained about—“

“Ah- when I was younger!” Anakin cuts in, rushing down the almost endless halls of the temple. He lands on a heavy foot next to Harrow, “Harrow,” he hisses, “this isn’t really a place where you’re supposed to be, so keep your existence on the down low,”

And then Anakin drags Obi and Harrow to his room and explains everything. Obi suggests that Harrow speaks with the council, Anakin nearly choked and bc of that, Harrow shakes her head no.

So Anakin convinces Obi to let Harrow stay in contact with and be around him (Ani) until they can send her home. This does mean she has to tag along for any missions and campaigns and, when on leave, have a small apartment.

So this begins Harrow going on many clone wars style adventures and also Gideon joins the verse at some point and I have a whole plot planned out and so many other fun things.

Also a side note: Anakin teaches Harrow how to do engineering and stuff and Harrow turns out to be a HUGE techie and embués her necromancy with tech. She creates a ninja star/bone trap weapon that she used.

Let me know if you want to see more!

#Star Wars #star wars the clone wars #captain Rex #anakin skywalker #Anakin #obi wan kenobi #Obi wan Kenobussy #crack crossover #the locked tomb #Gideon the ninth #harrow #harrowhark nonagesimus #bone gremlin #the force #clone wars #Padme #the locked tomb x Star Wars #tlt sw crossover

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ze-maki-nin · 2 years

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[@icarusthefoolish]

Luis [Loo-is]

4 years-old

Lea [Le - like pronouncing the ‘le’ in ‘Leaisure’ - a - like saying ‘uh’-]

8-9 months old

#2 Birthday

Setting the last candle on the cake, Ryker nodded proudly as he looked at the ‘Ugly Duckling’ themed cake, Luiss’ favorite short film. It was July 13th, his son's 5 birthday and he had stated he wanted an ‘Ugly Duckling’ birthday party, so that is what Ryker had done for the past 6 hours, decorate the house, make the cake by hand, and wrap the presents to match the theme. Gently picking up the cake, the male set it on a silver platter and carefully covered it with the round lid, hiding it from view.

“He's gonna love it!” Ryker cheered, clapping his hands together making the leftover flour fly into his face, causing a coughing fit to start. “Goddamit” Cursing as he waved his hand back and forth in front of his face, trying to get the flying flour to disappear, Ryker began making his way towards the bedroom, planning on taking a shower and getting changed before his wife and two kids got home.

---

Pulling into the driveway, Emery laughed as their son rambled on and on about how fun he had at the park.

“And I caught that Lady Bug too! It was such a pretty color!” Luis said, remembering the beautiful red the ladybug's back was, and the perfect round dots on it. “It was soooooo pretty!” Unbuckling his straps with little problem, the child eagerly opened the car door and got out, careful to watch his step as he was still small.

Humming in agreement, Emery took Leas’ baby seat out with her giggling and playing with the dangly toy that was attached to the carry handle. “Why don't we go inside and tell your father all about this!” They suggested a smile on their face as the small boy grabbed their hand excitedly and began to try and pull them, saying to walk faster.

As they made their way to the front door, Louis began to get impatient and let go of his mother's hand and ran towards the door instead, too excited to tell his father all about his time at the park. As he opened the door with some struggle, Luis burst into the house with a bright smile on his face.

“Happy birthday!” Ryker cheered, picking up his son from behind making him let out a loud shriek before laughing and clinging to his father. “How old are you now? 2?” Walking into the house further, Ryker laughed as Luis yelled ‘No! I'm 5 now!’ Emery soon joined in after closing the door behind them.

Setting the birthday boy down, Ryker watched as he [Luis] excitedly ran around the decorated living room, shouting about how cool it was or whether it was better than he imagined.

“Good job, My Prince” Emery praised, standing next to their husband with a loving smile on their face with baby Lea in their arms. “I'm very proud of you” Blushing at the praise Ryker wrapped his arm around Emerys' waist and pulled them in for a side hug, kissing the top of their head in thanks.

The couple watched as their son continued to look at the decorations in awe, a sparkle in his eye and a bright smile on his face. “Would you like to open presents now or after cake?” Ryker asked, leading his wife towards the couch as Luis thought hard about what he wanted to do first.

“Presents!” Luis cheered, throwing his hands up in the air and running towards the small pile of presents on the floor, making his parents laugh at his actions. “And then cake!” Smiling as Luis ripped open his presents, Ryker sat down next to his wife, throwing his arm over the back of the couch and holding them close, his other hand being messed with by Lea.

Smiling at the sight of their son opening his presents excitedly, Emery leaned into their husbands' side, happy that their life had turned out like this.

-Extra-

“What a mess” Emery said, sighing at the cake-covered kitchen and their two boys kneeling on the ground in front of them, a sheepish smile on both of their faces.

“Luis started it!” Ryker accused, pointing to the small boy next to him who gasped and placed a hand on his heart, acting hurt.

“I did not!” The 5-year-old yelled, standing up quickly, making him slip on the cake that was on the floor and fall forward into his father's lap, making the adult laugh at him. “Stop it!” Smiling at how similar the two were, Emery shook their head while letting out a giggle, Lea messing with the cake that was in her small hands, eyes wide in awe at the taste of it as she lay in her mothers' arms.

What a chaotic family.

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pillage-and-lute · 3 years

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An Ever Fixed Mark (arranged marriage Au)

Part 1 is here, finally! Title a reference to Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Read it on Ao3 HERE

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Vesemir’s slap hit Geralt firmly on the back of the head. Two seconds previously Geralt had been complaining about his upcoming, politically motivated marriage to some nobleman’s son.

“It’s a good thing, lad. Other witcher schools would kill for something like this,” he said. Geralt knew it was right, legal punishment for those who shortchanged or attacked witchers. It set a precedent, and apparently the earl was very influential. It could change things.

“And there isn’t a fidelity clause,” Eskel said. “It doesn’t have to be more than a sort of partnership.”

“No consummation requirement either,” sniggered Lambert from the other side of the campfire. “You don’t even have to fuck the bugger if he’s ugly.” This earned him a sharp elbow from Eskel.

“What I don’t understand is what they get out of this,” Geralt said. It had been bugging him.

“Ah,” Vesemir said, looking uneasy. “It seems that the payment is...taking the viscount off of the Earl’s hands, officially. It seems he’s something of an embarrassment.”

The unease in Vesemir’s voice was subtle, but after so many decades with their teacher, the wolves of Kaer Morhen knew the slight variations of tone and expression. His discomfort was twofold, first, the obvious implication that the Earl was sending his son to live a dangerous life alongside a witcher in order to...deal with him. A death sentence, from father to son. The second was that Geralt, already saddled with a political marriage, was also to be saddled with a nuisance of a husband.

“But why me?” Geralt knew he was whining like a child, but he couldn’t help it. It was three days to Lettenhove, and then they’d be there at least a week for the wedding and he’d have to act courtly.

He wasn’t good at courtly.

When he thought about it none of them were.

“It couldn’t have been me,” Eskel said, a little shyly. He was right. Eskel believed his scars were horrible, made him unlovable and undesirable. Geralt didn’t buy it, but nobles could get a bit stroppy about appearances. And if they humiliated Eskel because of his scarring...no, Geralt wouldn’t let that happen.

“Couldn’t have been me,” Lambert said, mouth full and rather cheerfully. No. It couldn’t have been him either, no manners and no filter, they’d be at war with the entirety of Lettenhove within a day.

“And I’m an old man,” Vesemir said. He didn’t actually wink, but he might as well have. Older though he was, he was still three times the warrior of any young human man walking about these days. But from what Geralt had heard, and it hadn’t been much, the Viscount was young, not quite twenty, and it wouldn’t be kind to marry him to someone so much older than himself. Geralt reflected grimly that he was nearly four times the youth’s age.

Three days of riding passed far too quickly for Geralt’s liking.

Chateau de Lettenhove loomed. It was a fairytale castle built by a man expecting a siege. There were high, rising towers with huge windows and artful buttresses, but to the trained eye of the witchers, it was a fortress. The towers had carved, decorative arrow slits, the windows all had iron grates over them, wrought like lace, and the buttresses could be easily used as defensive positions. All in all, it was a castle that growled, albeit genteelly.

They were greeted first by a footman, and then a line of servants increasing in rank, until a very snobby servant, likely the head housekeeper from the way all the maids scuttled away from her, brought them to an anteroom. At this point courtesy dictated that she bade them sit down on one of the lavish sofas. She did not. She chose instead to turn up her nose and sweep away.

The four witchers remained standing, not looking at one another. Geralt could feel Lambert stewing about the obvious slight beside him. He reached out, still staring straight ahead, and tweaked Lambert’s ear.

This was about to result in much brotherly retribution and probably a brawl when the housekeeper returned, followed by another woman.

“His lordship the Earl of Lettenhove is attending to vital business,” the housekeeper said, tone of voice implying that the arrival of four witchers who were muddying her nice clean floor were certainly not vital. “I present, her ladyship, Countess Amaria Elizaveta de Lettenhove.”

The countess curtsied, it was a polite little bob, and she smiled a little dazedly as the witchers all gave their best attempt at courtly bows. A small but significant part of Geralt’s brain was panicking, and it dealt with this new form of terror by imagining that the school of the wolf, seen from the outside plying their newly practiced bows, must look like a line of seagulls vying for a dropped crumb.

Vesemir stepped forward and, in a rather more suave gesture than Geralt had been expecting, took the Countess’ hand and bowed over it. Two bows seemed excessive to Geralt, but since it seemed to indicate that Vesemir would be taking over the speaking for now, he certainly wasn’t about to bring it up.

“A pleasure to meet you, my lady,” Vesemir said, straightening and releasing her hand. “May I introduce the school of the wolf. Eskel is--”

The countess had waved a limp hand. “Plenty of time for that at the feast, deary,” she said, smiling dreamily. There was something in her eyes that was a little absent, possibly more than a little if her calling Vesemir ‘deary’ was anything to go by. Geralt looked the countess over. He had been given to understand through the brief letters from the Lettenhove estate, that this wasn’t the viscount-Julian, the letters said-’s mother, but rather his step mother. She was a petite lady with mousy hair and rather absent blue eyes. Her dress was obviously of very fine material, rose pink and probably silk, although Lambert would know better than him, but a simpler cut than Geralt had expected.

His examination, done in a split second, decided that she wasn’t an immediate enemy, but probably not a terrible useful ally.

“I’m to give you this courting gift,” here she proffered a small but beautifully carved wooden box. “And to show you to your quarters.” She smiled again, and it was warm, but still vapid.

“Custom usually dictates that the fiancé give the courting gift,” Vesemir said, cautiously taking the box.”

“My husband wanted someone else to present it,” she said. “But your grandson can give his gift in person when he meets Julian. Now what...” she trailed off, not even noticing Vesemir’s slight sputter at grandson. “Ah yes, your rooms, right this way please.”

She got lost on the way to their rooms and a shaking footman showed them up to a suite, then kindly took her by the hand and led her away.

They sat, silent, in the nice but not lavish quarters. Four beds in curtained alcoves off to the side, and in the middle a room with a table and chairs, and a sofa and more comfortable chairs in front of a fireplace. It was already blazing and the witchers stared into it for a minute.

“That was strange,” Eskel finally said, and the others just nodded.

“Should I have insisted on giving her our courting gift?” Geralt said after another pause. “I thought they were usually given in person.”

“I think you’re fine,” Vesemir said. “If they broke that tradition they can hardly fault you for doing the same.”

Lambert, sprawled across the sofa, said, “When’s dinner?”

“I think I’m supposed to meet Julian first,” Geralt said. “Someone will probably come get us.

“When we meet Julian you mean,” Lambert said, sitting up.

“No, I’ve been thinking about that and I want to meet him alone.”

Vesemir nodded, “Sensible, we don’t know how he will react to one witcher, let alone four.” Then he smirked, although not unkindly, at Lambert. “You will be introduced and have a chance to be nosy later. At dinner perhaps.”

They unpacked their belongings, potion bottles and swords looking out of place along the old but nicely carved furniture. After days of tension on the road as Geralt wound himself tighter and tighter with anxiety for his...wedding, yes his wedding, now this pause was jarring. Eskel tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a look.

Geralt turned around to give Eskel room to work.

On the Path, witchers are rarely, if ever touched. Certainly not in a friendly way if the other isn’t being compensated. It wasn’t therefore, unusual for the wolves of Kaer Morhen to be tactile with one another. Not hugging and cuddling sweetly, but rough housing and wrestling ending in exhausted dog piles. But Eskel had a gift, he had magic hands, literally and figuratively, and he carefully oiled his hands while Geralt took off his travel stained shirt.

Geralt sunk into himself, half meditating as Eskel dragged the tension from his shoulders and beat the knots from his muscles. It wasn’t a relaxing massage, but it always left him feeling like liquid, if slightly bruised. When it was over and the liquid feeling had left him, or at least subsided enough that his knees could hold him, he stood, clapping Eskel on the shoulder in thanks.

Then came the hard bit.

Geralt needed to be courtly. He scrubbed the bits he could with water and a cloth from a little washstand, but he hoped he could have a hot bath later. Afterwards Vesemir advanced on him and battled the dirt from underneath his fingernails with a stiff brush before attacking his hair with a comb. Geralt sat on the ground like a child, his brothers looking on in amusement as Vesemir sat behind him on the couch and teased the tangles from his hair. He was making faces, he knew, but Vesemir wasn’t gentle, and he hadn’t detangled his hair in some time.

Scrubbed raw, with his hair floating around his shoulders like a silver cloud, Lambert presented him with a doublet.

It was black, which was good.

That was the only good thing about it. It was most likely a very nice, extremely fashionable doublet. Lambert might take delight in embarrassing Geralt, but he didn’t mess about with clothing. The issue was that it was attention grabbing, it was subtle in a way that seemed to play itself down while actually drawing every eye. It was black, in the same way a raven’s wing was black, every shimmering shade shifting as the fabric moved.

And he would be wearing it.

He did wear it.

His hands shook as he buttoned it up.

He was just examining himself in a slightly tarnished hand mirror when there was a sharp knock at the door. The footman let himself in right after and bowed swiftly.

“I am to escort the witchers of Kaer Morhen to meet Lord Julian.”

“Just the one witcher,” Geralt said. Vesemir pressed his courting gift, and the little carved boxed nestled on top, into his arms.

The footman didn’t seem to care and simply turned away, leading Geralt through hallways that all looked the same and down two very winding staicases, the second of which was so narrow his shoulders actually brushed the walls. They stopped outside a plain wooden door. The footman bowed and smiled. It looked, Geralt couldn’t help but feel, rather cruel. Then he left. Geralt knocked softly on the door, feeling very large in the narrow, low ceilinged hallway.

Eskel had told him once of a myth he had read, about a beast, half man half bull, hidden away in a maze. Geralt felt like such a beast, too large and rough and probably going to barge in and do everything wrong.

“Come in.”

It was soft, but not nervous, and Geralt pushed open the door.

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Oooh I’m naughty for leaving it there, but it’s almost 2000 words already. @llamasdumpsterfire here it is at last, I hope it lives up to expectations.

#the witcher #geraskier #arranged marriage au #vesemir #eskel #lambert #don't worry we'll meet Jaskier in part 2

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matchamabs · 3 years

Text

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good.

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me

#botw #breath of the wild #aoc #age of calamity #calamity ganon #ganon #loz #legend of zelda #hyrule warriors age of calamity #hyrule warriors aoc #windblight #thunderblight #waterblight #fireblight #yiga #i ran out of ppl to rank and then i went wait--#;)

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irondad-creator-awards · 3 years

Text

The Nominations So Far (Kinda)

Some of you have been asking to see who’s nominated in which category, so I’m putting up what I’ve done so far. This is by no means everyone nominated, as we’ve had 96 submissions to the form, and I’m not going to be able to log them all until nominations close. But if you’ve been contacted to say you’re up for an award, you should be listed below...

Good Luck to everyone nominated x

1. THE ONE THAT MADE YOU GASP! — A story which had a plot twist you didn’t see coming. Something that caught you so off guard that you had to stop a minute and take a breath before devouring the rest. What’s the story for you?

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

Chaotic Peter Parker by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Cycle Through by Ambivalentangst

Ever In Your Favor by Iron_Spider

Irondad Ficlets by Ironxprince

Like Father, Like Son by An_Odd_Idea

Love Leaves A Memory No-One Can Steal by Ironmum

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron_Spider

No Longer In Service by Starryknight09

Proof Of Concept by Flurrbee

Serenity by Jolinarjackson

Spidey Tot by Kevy_Grayce

Stab Me In The Back (I'll Catch You From Behind) by Lansfics7

Stop, Look, Listen by Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

2. THE MULTI-CHAPTER YOU COULDN’T PUT DOWN — A story which kept you up all night or calling in sick for work so you were free to read. Who’s the culprit?

A Parent Apparent by Happyaspie

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

A Sailor Went To Sea by by Yellowdistress

Air I Breathe by Heartofcathedrals

And You’ll Blow Us All Away by Losingmymindtonight

Astronomy In Reverse by Pansley

Come My Darling, Homeward Bound by Iamirondad

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth by Da_Moose

Five Times Tony And Peter Chaotically Cleaned by Ironmum

I Will Carry You (Always) by Thestarvingwriter

Identity Crisis by Kitcat992

If They All Knew About You by Mshermia

In Unlikely Places by Looneylizzie

Irondad Ficlets by Ironxprince

Mr. Parker Declined To Commentby Apisdn

Pain Will Always Come Back To Haunt You by Kevy_Grayce

Permanence by Theexhaustedalchemist

Pieces Of Echoes by Geekymoviemom

Proof Spiderman Loves Clickbait by Mauvera

The Lost And Forgotten by Lizcraz

3. THE ONE-SHOT THAT THAT HAD YOU HOOKED — Some writers can cram more greatness into less words than a 100k monster. What’s the one-shot that did it for you?

5 Times Peter Sleepwalked And The 1 Time He Pretended He Did by Losingmymindtonight

Countless Ways To Say I Love You by Hopeless_Hope

Familiar Faces by Happyaspie

First Wednesday Of March by The Case Of The Missing Museum Bea-Storer

Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by Aloneintherain

I Can Hold The Weight Of Worlds (If That's What You Need) by Bluesweatshirt

I Promise I'll Do Better by 221broadwayiron

I Will Soften Every Edge by Losingmymindtonight

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Something Here Will Eventually Have To Explode by Madasthesea

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal by Finny3120

4. THE BEST THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES — A drabble (under 1k) can pack in all the goodness that you need in a coffee break read. What’s that story for you?

Butter Me Up by Iron_Spider

Cuddle Bug by Marvelous_Writer

Food At Home by Aimaim94

Insomniacs In The Dark by Littlemissagrifina

Irondad Cuddles by Lilacsoulw

Let The Mind Games Begin by Ironmum

5. THE BIODAD THAT TOUCHED YOUR HEART — Some of the greatest stories flip canon and make Tony Peter’s biological father. Be it baby Peter taking his first steps or Tony dealing with the fact his son is following in his superhero footsteps as Spider-Man, which is the one you loved most of all?

An Abstract Concept by Iron-Spider

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Built From Scraps by Peter Stank

Happy Hogan Never Forgets A Face by Jen27ny

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) by Mainstreamelectricalparade

If They Knew All About You by Mshermia

My Little Bambino by Maicaly

Return To Me, The One I Love So Endlessly by Superherotiger

Slow Down, Start Again From The Beginning by Cassiecasyl

Sound Logic by Aytheria

Spiderson by Emily_F6

Stars, Hide Your Fires by Yellowdistress.

The Less Than Secret Life by Yellowdistress

The Ties That Bind Us by Winterturtle

They Say Boys Don't Cry (But Your Dad Has Shed A Lot Of Tears) by Tempestaurora

What’s In A Name? by Geekymoviemom

6. THE ONE WITH THE FIELD TRIP — The field trip trope is one of the most popular in the fandom. What’s the story that you think pulls all the elements together to make it great?

A Different Take by Cyberwolfwrites

Constant Internal [Spider] Screaming: Semi-Connected Scenes From A Graduating Senior’s Life by Isadancurtisproduction

Field Trip by Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Field Trip Flip by Happyaspie

I Don’t Want To Talk About It Anymore by Bees_And_Wasps

Mr Stark Enough For You? (Another Field Trip Fic Bcs We Dont Have Enough) by Livinei

Neon Liar (Hiding In Plain Sight) by Isadancurtisproduction

No Reason To Go by Pokegeek151

Tower Of Donuts And Doubts by Platinumdollz

Who Is He? by Velarisstars

7. THE TIME AFTER TIME ONE — There’s some great time travel stories out there, but which is your favorite?

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth) by Da_Moose

I Have Time by Peterparkr

The End Is Just A New Beginning by Tytach

The Time Traveler’s Mentor by Iamirondad

Whatever It Takes by Starryknight09

8. THE ONE WITH ALL THE OWIES — Another massively popular Irondad trope is hurt/comfort, and there’s some amazing stuff out there. Which is the one that you love most of all?

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

Air I Breathe by Heartofcathedrals

Be Weak by Fluencca

But What Is Grief? by Odd_1

Danger Pizza by Alice_In_Ink

Darkness Will Be Rewritten by Marveal

Dude, Do These Tacos Taste Funny To You? by First_Page

Follow The North Star Home by Fallingforbees

Foolish, Fragile Spine by Plnkblue

Outnumbered by Heartofcathedrals

Sometimes It’s Easier To Just Swim Down by Mjscorner

The Room Where It Happens by Notapartytrick

We All Chase After A Few Dying Stars by Losingmymindtonight

What I Have, I Give To You by Aatticsaltt

When My Body Won't Hold Me Anymore (Where Will I Go) by Madasthesea

Your Heart Changed (Mine Stayed The Same) by Loisselina (Loisselina)

9. THE ONE THAT HURTS SO GOOD — We all like a bit of angst sometimes, so what’s the story that you wanted to hide from but you had to keep reading to get to the happy ending?

Built From Scraps by Peterstank

Cycle Through by Ambivalentangst

Fifteen Years In The Making by Potts89

Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me by Itsreallylaterightnow And Killerqueenwrites

I Need You To Be Free by Marveal

I Promise I'll Do Better by 221broadwayiron

If You Listen You Can Hear The Ibis by Yellowedistress

Let's Get On With Living (While We Can) by Almond_Blossoms

Love Leaves A Memory No-One Can Steal by Ironmum

May Parker's Complete Guide On How To Raise Your Spiderling by Embarrassing_Myself

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron_Spider

Of Flying And Falling by Polaroid15

Sunlight by Ardenskyeholmes221

The Room Where It Happens by Notapartytrick

When Trauma Comes Knocking by Kevy_Grayce

10. THE ONE THAT SOOTHES THE PAIN — What’s the story that you go to when you need a pick-me-up after the angst?

5 Times A Spider-Baby Got Dad Smooched by Buckets_Of_Stars

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud by Grilledcheesing

5 Times Tony Stark Protected Penny Parker by Emily_F6

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Bitch Better Have My Money by Neicy286

Career Day: A Short Story by Shewritesall

Early Childhood Education by Thedisneyoutsider

Five Times Peter And Tony Chaotically Cleaned by Ironmum

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) by Mainstreamelectricalparade

I Can Hold The Weight Of The Worlds (If That's What You Need) by Bluesweatshirt

Instant Kill Mode by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Kids These Days by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

The Road So Far by Nicolemoon8

No More Lonely by Shewritesall

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

That's How You And I Will by Frostysunflowers

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal by Finny3120

Whatever It Takes by Starryknight90

11. THE ONE WITHOUT A HOME TO GO TO — There’s some wonderful homeless Peter stories out there, so which is the one you were blown away by?

A Difference In Husbandry by Happy_Cloud

After The Landslide by Freyaatterton

Distracted by A Dime by Happyaspie

I Told You I Had Issues by Bergen

Is It Too Much To Ask For Home That Lasts? Ft. Peter Parker by Wakandaforever2357

The Little Things (That I Miss) by Da_Moose

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

Unexpected (Everything I Never Knew I Wanted) by Moonchild2593

12. THE ONE THAT’S A WHOLE NEW WORLD — There’s lots of imaginative AUs in Irondad fic. Whether it’s Steve and Tony as baseball players or Pepper being Peter’s mom, which one is your number one?

A Guardian Among Us by Superherotiger

A Soul's Best Friend by Superherotiger

Ever In Your Favor by Iron_Spider

Have Patience, A Quick Wit, And A Gentle Heart by Ironfamjam

I Battle My Jerk Step-Dad by Andromath

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Sea Spider by Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Spidey Tot by Kevy_Grayce

Though Everything Is A Miracle by Overtures

Until It Disappeared From Me by Ashleyparker2815

When I Am On Your Shoulders by Ladyblackwater

You Mispronounced Spider by Lliblo

13. THE TWEAKING THE SETTINGS ONE — There’s things we all wish we could change in canon — *cough* Endgame *cough* — so which canon divergence does it for you?

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud by Grilledcheesing

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Beautiful Boy by Emily_Davison

Bittersweet by Kevy_Grayce

Built From Scraps by Peterstank

I Will Restore All That Was Broken by Killerqueenwrites

May Parker's Complete Guide On How To Raise Your Spiderling by Embarrassing_Myself

Moulded Minds by Wingswithstrings

Pieces Of Echoes by Geekymoviemom

The End Of Infinity by Friendlyneighborhoodfangirls

The Returned by Nicolemoon8

What Was Missing Was You by Happyaspie

What Were The Words I Meant To Say Before You Left by Madasthesea

14. THE ONE YOU GO BACK TO AGAIN AND AGAIN — Some fics deserve a re-read or ten. What’s the story you go find yourself going back to?

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood by Ambivalentangst

A Parent Apparent by Happyaspie

Age Regression Was Impossible... Right? by Chvotic

Am I Just A Shadow You Drew by Ironxprince

Apartment 43B by Ironfamjam

Back To Bed by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Beautiful Boy by Emily_Davison

Family Is More Than Blood (It Is Light) by Moonchild2593

Keeping Company by Whumphoarder And Xxx_Cat_Xxx

Moulded Minds by Wingswithoutstrings

Play by Losingmymindtonight

Rules Are Made To Be Broken by Ironmum

Sins Of The Fathers by Geekymoviemom

The Darkest Hour Is Just Before The Dawn by Starryknight09

The Lost And Forgotten by Litcraz

The One Where Peter Is Bucky’s Weakness by Jinxquickfoot

The Rise And Fall Of A Spider by Spidersoning

The Spider-Man Conspiracy by Tempestaurora

15. THE SERIES THAT SWEPT YOU AWAY — Some of us love to go on a long ride with a series, so which is the world of multiple stories that you binged or waited anxiously for each update?

Another June Day by Skeeter_110

Chaotic Peter Parker by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Home by Glwilliams97

I Love You More Than Anything (Bio Dad Au) by Iron_Spider

Irondad NSAP by Chvotic

Lights To Guide You Home by Jolinarjackson

Mr. Stark & His Kid by Writerstrash

Once Upon An Adoption by Kevy_Grayce

Out Of Darkness by Starryknight09

Soul Stone Realm by Marvelmusicmystery

The Room Saga by Iamirondad

Tony Stark Is A Good Mentor by Happyaspie

Was That A Star Wars Reference, Dr. Stark? by Jen27ny

We Forgot Peter by Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Webcams And Webshooters by Losingmymindtonight

16. THE IN-PROGRESS ADVENTURE — What’s the story that has you checking your email each day, hoping for an update?

A Difference In Husbandry by Happy_Cloud

A Perfect Storm by Grilledcheesing

Ain't My Blood; Still My Boys by Parkrstark

All The Stars Align by Ashleyparker2815

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth) by Da_Moose

Fifteen Years In The Making by Potts89

Found Family by Thedisneyoutsider

If They Knew All About You by Mshermia

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep On Going by Baloobird

Mr. Stark, Something Is Wrong by @Simping-For-Peggy

Outnumbered by Heartofcathedrals

Peter’s New Step-Brother by Bowtiez

Priorities by Jlmonroe1234

Return To Me, The One I Love So Endlessly by Superherotiger

Sleeping Through A Rogue Winter Storm by Pogokitten

Survivors Guilt by Ember_Darla And Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Fan

Tech Of Nondestructive Yakking by Wabisabi

The Case Of The Missing Museum Bea-Storer by Ironmum

The Hero Of Our Own Story by Kingdomfaraway

The Many Adventures Of Iron Dad And Spider Son by Lbigreyhound13

What You Were Then I Am Today by Madasthesea

You Are My Sunshine by Iamconstantine

17. THE COMPLETE FIC THAT YOU CHERISH — Whether or not you’ve got the patience for an in-progress or not, there’s a wealth of complete stories you can devour at leisure or all in one coffee-fuelled binge. What’s yours?

Intern Spider by Emily_F6

Only For A Little While by Eccentric_Artist_221b

The Guardian by Emily_F6

18. THE ONE THAT GAVE YOU ALL THE LOVE — We all love Irondad, but some stories come with bonus bonds that give us just as much. Do you have a Peter & Bucky, or a Peter & Steve working alongside which delivers all the found family goodness?

"I Have A Nephew!" by Zimnokurw

5 Times Happy Hogan Nearly Had A Heart Attack Because Of Peter Parker by Thespydersargon

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Brighten Up, Sunshine by Iron_Spider

It Must Be Nice (To Have Mrs. Potts On Your Side by Sdottkrames

It Takes A Village (To Make Sure You're Okay) by Baloobird

Kingdom Come Undone by Killerqueenwrites

Project: Get Bucky Barnes A Dog by Ruxian

Road Work Ahead by Toniwilder

Rules Are Made To Be Broken by Ironmum

When In The Dark by Kevy_Grayce

19. THE PROLIFIC WRITER AWARD — Irondad has some amazingly prolific writers. Which are the ones you’ve subscribed to get at that fic-wonder goodness of 10 works or more?

Aimaim94

Buckets_Of_Stars

Emily_F6

HAPPYASPIE

Inkinmyheartsandonthepage

Ironmum

Iron-Spider

Jen27ny

Littlemissagrafina

Madasthesea

Magicalyss

Mshermia

O0CITRUSEE0O

Parkrstark

Superherotiger

20. THE NEWBIE — New writers are joining the fandom all the time. Who’s the newbie (posting for 12 months or less) that’s delivering the good stuff for you?

107thinfantry

Fallingforbees

Ironmum

Jinx_Frost

Just_Ppeachy

Kittybellestark

Lilacsoulw

Maicaly

Polaroid15

Spagbol99

Sunflowerspideyy

21. THE OG — Who’s the writer that’s been around for a while (12 months or more) that keeps you captivated?

Ashleyparker2815

Emily_F6

Happyaspie

Iron_Spider

Jen27ny

Kevy_Grayce

Parkrstark

Snarkymuch

Spooderboyandtincan

22. THE WILD CARD STORY — The story that does (or doesn’t) fit into the above categories but you believe deserves the prize. Which one is that for you?

Aliens Really Are Out To Get You Aren't They? by Some_Sort_Of_Trash

Born To Cherish by Ironfamjam

Everyday Superhero by Stoneage_Woman

Five Times Tony And Peter Chaotically Cleaned by Ironmum

Guess I’m Not Good Enough by Freyaatterton

I Can Hold The Weight Of Worlds (If That's What You Need) by Bluesweatshirt

I Will Soften Every Edge by losingmymindtonight

I’m Not Telling Him. Period by Scooter3scooter

Irondad NSAP by Chvotic

Kids Suck, But You're Great by Gymlily06

Long Gone | Marvel Au Strangerlyparker

Play by Losingmymindtonight

Tech Of Non-Destructive Yakking by Wabisabi

The Reinvention Of Tony Stark by Losingmymindtonight

This Ride Is A Wild One by Just_Ppeachy

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal by Finny3120

ART 1 — DIGITAL MEDIA - Who has those PhotoShop skills, who makes the best mood boards? We have some wonderful artists in the Irondad fandom, and we’re here to celebrate them. Who's your favorite artist?

@Itsybitsyspiderling (Tumblr)

@monireh (Tumblr)

@Blackchessknight (Tumblr)

ART 2 — SKETCHES — Who has the skills with the original medium of art in sketches? Whose pencil can create the characters we love best?

@broskev (Tumblr)

@Dakt37 (Tumblr)

@monireh89 (Tumblr)

Ellarie.png (Instagram)

ART 3 — CARTOONS — Chibis, Manga, Anime, who can create the very best?

@Maryo274 (Tumblr)

yes-i-am-happyaspie (Tumblr)

ART 4 — FANVID — Some of the greatest creators are the ones that match the music to the mood, find the perfect scenes to make us laugh and cry. Who does that for you?

All My Life || Tony & Peter (Father/Son Au) by Akapotatogirl (YouTube)

Emsxworld (YouTube)

Tony Stark & Peter Parker | Ashes by Mythicalroyalty (YouTube)

ART 5 — BEST IRON FAMILY FANART — Who can create those feeling of Ironfam with their art? Who captures the characters we love in that iconic family.

@broskev (Tumblr)

@moonestaly (Tumblr)

eccentric_artist_221b (AO3)

Ellarie.png (Instagram)

#Irondad Creator Awards #irondad #spider son #irondad and spiderson #iron man #spider-man #peter parker #tony stark #art #fanart #creators #fandom awards #artists #writers #writing #fanfic

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emersonfreepress · 3 years

Note

ok ok in the spirit of community, how would the ros fair in a paintball war?

(referring to this ask! like the zombie au post this ended up making me think a lot 😅)

ohh... interesting, interesting... p sure the only paintball wars i’ve really seen were the ones featured in The League, Peep Show, and Community... but let me wrack my lil head...

ok, i ended up coming at this from multiple angles like the zombie au post 😅 always so much to consider in battle environments! and in the spirit of community, I'll stick with the individual player elimination style paintball match. in the woods with other e prep seniors. last one standing wins bragging rights

Gabe

Shooting skill | 6/10 - Experience with shooting and practice with Kile ofc

Stealthiness | 8/10 - He's done a fair amount of sneaking around during his after school activities, is super observant (or just paranoid lol), and naturally light on his feet. Good luck ambushing him.

Strategy | 8/10 - Strike deals. Do favors. Form alliances. Shoot 'em in the back once they’ve outlived their usefulness. ...What? It’s just paintball.

How does he win? | Graciously. Gabe likes winning, and especially via strategic manipulation, so it puts a smile on his face. And he's in a good mood so he treats a bunch of you to ice cream or smth 👀

How does he lose? | Slumps in frustration at being outwitted or taken off-guard, sulks about it for a little while. He's not that sore of a loser but needs time to lick his wounds and stop thinking of the different choices he could have made.

Kile

Shooting | 9 - The most accurate shooter of the cast and easily one of the best shots at E Prep. Lots of practice + talent

Stealth | 10 - They're stupid good at climbing trees and 100% consider that a valid method of ambushing their classmates. People start having flashbacks to 3rd and 4th grade recess and P.E. Scanning the trees. They just start taking people out with such efficiency it quickly starts ruining the game 😂

Strategy | 0? 10?? - “...Strategy? You just stay out of sight and kill 'em all, right?” (immediately scolded by Gabe for word choice 🙄) They really do mainly stay out of sight and pick people off with max stealth, like 😆 they'd be such a terror, people would need to take them out early for anyone else to stand a chance! They spend a lot of the game staking out the most frequented paths in the area and taking out groups quickly, all at once. Then they'll get around to stalking and picking people off one by one. The real fun...

Winner type | Stoic. Likes winning combat but the stakes were non-existent, so... the win is meaningless! this just infuriates the losers more 😅 such disrespect

Loser type | Sucks their teeth and tosses their paintball gun to the ground. "Y'all suck." (they're over it five mins later tho lol)

Jack

Shooting | 3 - This is nothing like shooting light guns... ☹️

Stealth | 5 - Not just due to his size making him an easier target, but homeboy is liable to get distracted by a cute squirrel or some pretty flowers 😂 He's not great at keeping his voice down either so good conversation would make him easy to seek out. He's just out here enjoying a beautiful day 😅

Strategy | 7 - All that movie-watching (and DMing) make him a valuable creative mind for problem-solving, but he needs a cooperative team to be effective. Rescued and recruited by Rupan/Rohan early on in the game ^ ^

Winner type | Disbelief! And everyone’s content and satisfied with him winning. Except Vivian/Vincent, that jealous fool

Loser type | Doesn't mind losing at all! He just hopes he was a good teammate and was glad to have fun ☺️

Jessie

Shooting | 7 - Comes from a family of hunters, girly knows how to shoot.

Stealth | 6 - Familiar enough with woods and stalking prey to be capable of sneaking around. Having too much fun to not giggle and get overly invested in the developing plot of the game. Even more easily distracted by critters and flora than Jack 😅

Strategy | 5 - Oh, she's just here to have fun. She'll go with whatever the person she's teaming up with decides, but can adapt easily enough.

Winner type | Surprised... then elated! Bouncing and happy and it's completely contagious. No hard feelings about a single thing. Convinces Heidi to invite people to the Emerson Estate—it's a hot day and they have a nice pool

Loser type | Same as Jack! Congratulates the winner with a hug because she's sweet like that 🧁

Rain

Shooting | 2 - This... thing is so cumbersome. And ugly. At least it shoots pretty colors.

Stealth | 7 - Small and used to sneaking around different environments and seeking out hiding spots. Their height and frame makes them harder to spot too.

Strategy | 4 - Hide!!! They’re not getting assaulted with paint and pellets!! Especially not after managing to make this ugly jumpsuit look cute?? Waiting it out is perfectly legitimate. Might share snacks if you decide to join them in hiding 😆

Winner type | Falls asleep in an unexpectedly cozy hiding spot and emerges as everyone thought they’d declared the winner. I imagine R and others yelling at them to get their gun while the original winner scrambles to get theirs, just for Rain to win by pure luck of the draw. Won’t stop them bragging about it, though! (I want this spurned runner-up to be Vi bc ofc)

Loser type | "So I can stop holding this thing?" Yawn. "I'm so hungry and bored, we've been at this for hours..."

Rupan/Rohan

Shooting | 4 - Ah, shit. These don't shoot anything like light guns.

Stealth | 7 - They sneak out and around town a lot 😂 They just force themself to be careful about how loud grass and bushes are.

Strategy | 7 - They’re treating this shit like an action movie and banding together a ragtag team of misfits to take down the strongest alliances and players. Savvy enough to reject Gabe’s and Curt’s offers to join, not opposed to strategic backstabs. They're very clearly just as focused on having fun as they are on winning—and playing Predator, which honestly works with Kile runnin around. They even brought war paint and borrowed a tactical vest. Is it mostly packed with snacks and weed? Maybe. Does it prove useful for negotiations? Hell yeah.

Winner type | Raucous celebration, just pure joy and adrenaline ☺️ Celebrates with their team, brags a bit, rubs it into Vi's face, makes fun of Curt, the usual. Then invites allies out to get pizza because it's the obvious next step

Loser type | Mostly disappointed they can't keep playing. They're a little sore about being left out of the action, but soon just start chatting with other marked players about how the game went for them. Plenty entertaining on its own, they want all the details

Vivian/Vincent

Shooting | 5 - They've got a little bit of shooting experience.

Stealth | 4 - They're overly sensitive and hate being in nature. Their skin is sticky, they keep feeling bugs everywhere, they've gotten dirt all over their pants, it's so hot, they keep WALKING into SPIDERWEBS, [flails about, screaming furiously]

Strategy | 8 - They have good ideas, they're just difficult to execute alone, especially since they're getting sunburnt and getting crankier and can't stop swatting at insects 😅 they're one of the first people to figure out that someone's taking out groups from the trees, so they stay solo and try to find a single person to team up with. Really what they need is someone who's a better shot but easy to boss around. They can probably just owe them for an in-school favor...

Winner type | Barely suppressed gloating. Vi somehow finds a way to be an obnoxious winner almost entirely by the look on their face. Once they're in a smaller group, they're passionately discussing the details of the game and happily boasting about their triumphs (while glossing over all of the whining and and slip-ups lol)

Loser type | Booo, such a sore loser. (Especially in the scenario where Rain wins 🤣) If they're outsmarted or outgunned in a clear, transparent way they'll growl and stomp off, then quietly glower and sulk for way too long. If they're double-crossed or beaten in an underhanded way oh lord —they're fighting it to the end. R can't help but get involved either way, reminding them it was a damn game with literally no prize. "C'mon, Vi, chill. You want ice cream? Let's get you ice cream."

Heidi

Shooting | 6 - Some shooting experience.

Stealth | 8 - She's very aware of her surroundings and her body. Perceptive yet quiet. Tactical. All residual traits picked up from her many activities over the years.

Strategy | 9 - Most likely to outsmart everyone. The first one to figure out groups are being targeted from the trees. Goes it alone and only open to trading (unless she sees Curt with Jess in which case she puts a quick pin in her plans to rescue her 😂). She also immediately figures out it's Kile, because ofc it is. Keeps close tabs on what groups are doing, knowing that eventually Kile will come down to ground level to pick off individuals and couples. Predator becomes prey 👀

Winner type | Proud but not boasting. She doesn't need to be. Victory looks good on her, natural and fitting. Thanks everyone for a good game then takes the girls for a long ride in the Cadillac 😎 top down on a bright day, baby

Loser type | Damn. She should have won this. Maybe if she'd... She probably could have... Then she snaps out of it, roped in by the celebratory mood of congratulating the winner. She's over any feelings of frustration or regret after getting to discuss the match with the person that took her out/the winner and there's no hard feelings. If anything this was fun as hell, it should be an annual thing. ☺️

Curt

Shooting | 8 - Some shooting experience and a natural knack for it. Good reflexes.

Stealth | 8 - Curt likes to say he gets along with the woods around these parts. Sneaking around is second nature to him. Really good hearing too. He's an easy target if you manage to seduce him though, having no issue leaving himself vulnerable if it means that kind of fun 😂

Strategy | 7 - Honestly, he's most interested in seeing how long he can get away with using charm and seduction for both protection and double-crossing 😂 Eventually becomes persona non grata and gets all of his ammo stolen by a vengeful mark, barely getting away in the process. Since that jig is up, he finally starts thinking a win might be nice... and so he teams up with the only competent player who would never betray him and also inspires the least vitriol in others: Jessie. What? Is his back-up plan using her as a human shield? No! 😚 Of course not! 👉👈

Winner type | Insufferable and gloating. Rubs it in a lot of people's faces, specifically Heidi, Rupan/Rohan, and any participants who genuinely don't like him. Brags to Gabe (who is completely disinterested in gassing him up 😂), then promises he'll make things up to Jessie (who didn't mind and had fun lol). Then celebrates by asking whoever he's flirting with these days for a quick date—and a ride in the Ferrari. Makes a scene pulling out of the parking lot. Ass.

Loser type | Doesn't care one bit as long as he had fun! And he always finds a way to have fun, it's why he's so carefree 😅

#lovely anon #answered #ROs #scenarios #someone pls confirm that kile is using paint pellets thx #I can totally see myself writing this out as a an actual short story 😂#maybe as a kofi reward whenever I get that set up 🤞🏾#I don't think any of these are incomplete...

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gravegroves · 3 years

Note

Can I ask about 2 and 8 for the wip tag game?

I've already talked about 8 (search #tag game in my tags and you'll find it).

But omg thank you for asking about 2!!

2. Like a Bat Out of Hell, Indiana

Oh man, oh man. This. This right here? This is my baby. My precious. The one I wrote so self indulgently that even if no one else likes it, I LIKE IT. And I'm completely okay with that.

El and Hopper fail at closing the gate at the end of s2, Billy appears at the Byers' house just in time and so begins a mad dash across the country, trying to outrun the end of the fucking world.

Tw: death (no one we care about though)

Excerpt:

The sound of a car roaring into the driveway has Steve's heart crashing up into his throat and they all turn to watch as headlights dance across the living room walls, sharp and blinding, like a goddamn beacon of hope.

And Steve doesn't have time to think about why the deep rumbling of the engine sounds so familiar.

He moves the kids now or they die.

"Get to the car, now!" Steve screams, just as the window at the end of the hall explodes inward.

Max gets to the door first and tears out of the house, sprinting toward the high beam lights with the boys hot on her heels.

"Billy!" She screams and goddamnit she can't mean--

She reaches the car, yanks the passenger side door open and pushes the front seat forward, shoving Dustin, Mike and Lucas into the back before diving in herself, righting the front seat in a practised move just in time for Steve to jump in after her.

And yep. There he is.

Hargrove's expression would be hilarious if they weren't seconds away from being overrun by a horde of carnivorous monster dogs.

"What the fuck do you losers think you're doing?!" Billy roars, eyes bugging slightly when he recognises Steve.

"Harrington?!"

Steve grabs him by the collar and screams into his face: "Just fucking drive!"

A loud crash has them both snapping their heads to the side just in time to watch as a hundred Demodogs or more come rushing out from behind the Byers' house, heading straight for them.

Without another word, Billy yanks the car into reverse and accelerates before hitting the breaks. Steve's stomach swoops as their momentum lets the wheels slide over the gravel to land perfectly on the road.

He grabs Billy's arm, yanks on it like it might shake some urgency into him.

"Hargrove, go!"

"Seatbelts! Get the seatbelts" Max yells at the others.

That's what she's worried about? Steve thinks, even as he reaches over his shoulder to strap himself in.

Then Billy puts the car into gear and guns it forward and they go from 0 to 70 mph in ten seconds flat, zooming down old, twisting back roads and Steve honestly can't believe that Hargrove's insane, wannabe NASCAR driving is gonna be what saves their asses tonight.

"What the hell are you doing all the way out here with my sister, huh?" Billy yells, taking his eyes off the road to look over at him and Steve might seriously have a fucking heart attack.

"Eyes on the road!" He exclaims, foot searching the footwell for a break pedal that isn't there, "For real, man? You want to do this now?!"

"Or you can get out and fucking walk, amigo," Billy snarls, swerving around another Demodog leaping for the hood of his car, "What the hell is up with these dogs?"

"Billy, stop it! Can you jus-- look out!" Max shrieks, her arm shooting between them to point straight ahead and the kids all begin yelling as the flower-in-bloom-faced ugly fuck grows larger in the windscreen at an alarming speed.

Smooth as butter, Billy avoids the gaping creature in their path, not taking his foot off the accelerator for even a second. Steve's heart beats a drum solo against his adam's apple. His fingers feel fused to the edges of the seat, holding on for dear life.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?" Billy turns to look behind him and Steve clenches his teeth so hard his jaw hurts, barely restraining himself from yanking Billy around to face forward again.

"Hargrove, I swear to God--"

"Oh god, look."

Steve turns his head the slightest amount to see Lucas pointing out of the window at the treeline to their right.

Demodogs.

Lots of them.

So many slimy, greyish bodies that the forest floor has all but disappeared and transformed into a churning sea of dark, slick oil.

More worryingly, they're all running in the same direction as the Camaro.

Fuck.

"What the…" Billy falters when he looks out of the window at the treeline, then seems to shake it off, placing his undivided attention back on the road for once.

He speeds up to pass a whole group of the beasts trying to cross to the other side, narrowly misses being cut off entirely by the mass of Demodog bodies. Steve releases a hand from the seat only to clutch at the grab handle on the door. He closes his eyes, swears he can feel his stomach fall out of his ass when the wheels on his side of the car lift into the air for half a beat.

"Shit, we're gonna die!" Dustin wails, voice wobbly as Billy jerks the wheel again to avoid a creature charging straight for them. If the kids weren't already packed in like sardines they'd be sliding around back there, seatbelt or no. "We're definitely gonna die! This psycho is gonna kill us before the monsters do!"

Billy scowls into the rear-view mirror and grits out "Hey kid, you're welcome to get out and walk."

"You literally tried to run us off the road a week ago--"

"Not the time, Dustin!" Max snaps and shushes him.

"We need to get to the gate!" Mike blurts out, leaning forward to speak directly at Steve. Demanding. "We need to help El!"

Steve doesn't even have the faintest idea of how to begin doing any of that.

"Dude, we can't just go back there, are you crazy--" Lucas pulls him back and they continue to argue in harsh whispers.

"If you losers don't shut the fuck up, I'll crash this goddamn car just so I can take you all with me." Billy barks, knuckles white on the wheel.

"Oh my god, see! What did I tell you?" Dustin exclaims, "He's dangerous, Steve!"

Yeah, well, he's all that we've got, Steve doesn’t say. "Shut up, Dustin."

They turn into the first proper residential street and Billy misses a tree by an inch as he tries to avoid colliding with five demodogs hunched over something on the road.

Oh god, was that a body?

"Harrington, where the fuck am I going?"

Steve closes his eyes, overwhelmed and completely out of his depth. They might have been the B team, but there hadn't actually been a plan B--

"Fuck, fuck! I don't know--"

"Billy," Max pleads, voice shaky with terror, silencing them all, "My mom…"

Billy sighs explosively before turning down a side street, barely slowing down.

"Shit."

*****

It's not just Max's mom, but Dustin's mom, too. Lucas's family. Mike's family.

They reach Old Cherry Road first and Billy barely allows the car to come to a full stop, Demodogs further down the street are taking notice of them already, stalking forward, mouths blooming excitedly. Steve eyes them warily until a garbled oh fuck from the back seat draws his attention to the other side of the street and--

It's bad.

The porch light sets the stage for a grizzly scene at the Hargrove residence. A woman lies directly beneath it, like the opening shot to a fucked up play, her head of red hair spilling over the top step.

She's very obviously dead. Steve can see where she must have tripped on the welcome rug -- awkwardly stiff and upturned between her feet -- and he can only hope she got knocked out in the fall and didn't feel a thing that came after. There isn't much left between her head and her knees except for a dark patch of gøre.

The headless body of a man lies slumped against a truck parked in the driveway, one arm stuck through the open car door, half torn off within his jacket. Blood still running down the concrete incline, pooling in the roadside gutter.

"Oh, you Bastard," Billy spits, barely a whisper.

The longer Steve stares, the more horrifying the scene becomes.

He doesn't want Max to see this. Or Billy.

Max doesn't make a sound.

Billy slams his fist against the steering wheel a couple of times, then peels away from the curb before the Demodogs can get too close.

*****

Dustin's house is dark. There's no car in the driveway.

"I told her Mews had been seen in Loch Nora. She must still be out looking..." Dustin trails off quietly. Shellshocked.

It's almost midnight. Steve doubts she's still out looking for a cat. And if she is...

"I wanted to keep her out of the way."

No one says anything.

They drive.

*****

The Sinclair house is dark, too, no lights on except for the motion sensor activated ones over the empty carport.

Billy doesn't bother slowing down. The area is absolutely swarming with creatures already.

"It's so late. Where..." Lucas falters, scanning the houses they pass, like he made a mistake and his home will appear any minute now. "Where did they go?"

"I'm sure they're okay, man," Steve tries, but it feels flat, false, "If they're in a car they could make it out. Your mom too, Dustin."

Billy grimaces, but says nothing.

"What?" Steve demands.

"I was just here looking for Max. They were home."

He keeps a laser focus on the road now, on avoiding the monsters spilling out onto their path, growling when he's forced to change down a gear before aggressively working his way up in speed once more, jaw clenched tight.

"You probably caught them on their way out." Steve insists.

Billy looks doubtful, but he nods anyway. Neither of them enough of an asshole to take a kid's hopes away like that.

They move on.

*****

"Let me out," Mike says, quietly. Trembling. Hands pushing against the back of Steve's seat like he'll be able to bend it out of the way through sheer force of will.

No one moves.

The front door to the Wheeler home is open, door splintered where the deadbolt held, but the wood didn't. The car is parked in the carport. All the lights are on.

Karen Wheeler's corpse lies forgotten and half devoured on the front lawn.

In the driveway, a tiny yellow sock lies next to bloody drag marks disappearing into the grass--

Oh god...

"Let me out."

Steve's lips move, but he can't seem to draw breath enough to produce sound..

Billy seems to shake himself out of a daze, takes a deep breath beside him. "Nah, kid."

And Mike just snaps.

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" He screams, punching and kicking the seat in front of him.

Steve leans forward out of the seat and puts his head in his hands.

"Let me out! LET ME OUT!" Mike shrieks, begs.

"No." Billy says again, evenly.

Mike's voice breaks on a wordless scream.

Steve wants to do his own bit of kicking and screaming, but someone needs to keep their fucking head in the game or they're all going to end up dead.

By some twisted turn of fate that someone is turning out to be Billy fucking Hargrove.

Hysterically, he remembers hearing about Billy abandoning Carla Green to walk home alone from the quarry after she'd scratched the Camaro's dashboard with her fake nails by accident.

Mike kicks the back of the seat again. Billy says nothing.

All the kids are crying, now.

Mike's screams eventually taper off into babbling sobs and Dustin does his best to comfort him through his own half-choked cries. Lucas is whispering to a sobbing Max, his own breaths hitching and heaving uncontrollably, on the edge of breaking.

Steve's eyes sting, hidden behind his hands.

He lifts his head up and glances over at Billy, still tracking the side of the road, the edge of the trees. He looks so normal that it almost throws Steve for a loop. He wants to grab Billy by the collar again. Shake him. Scream: what part of this aren't you getting?

"The fuck is going on?" Billy hisses, almost to himself and oh, right.

"Later," Steve promises, hoarsely, digs the heels of his hands into his eyes hard enough to see stars.

"You know what they are?"

"Yeah." Steve says after a great deal of swallowing past the lump in his throat.

If Hargrove's voice betrays even a hint of emotion Steve knows he's gonna fucking lose it. Luckily, the guy keeps his shit together so Steve can keep a lid on his.

"You know what kills them?" Billy continues.

"Heat," Dustin says, voice thick, "And, like, bullets."

Billy nods, "Alright, how warm are we talking?"

"They don't like warm weather or daylight, but I don't think it kills them. Weakens them, maybe. Sends them underground."

"Fire will." Steve says, pulling at his hair until it hurts, dragging himself out of foggy despair and into the present where he's needed. He accidentally runs his gaze past Karen's body and tries not to dry-heave.

Mike is still crying behind him and god fuck, they should get out of here. The kid shouldn't be seeing this.

"Where do we go?" Max whispers, like she read his mind. She sounds as lost as Steve feels.

Billy revs the engine and turns to Steve, "Any requests?"

Steve thinks about the huge empty house waiting for him, a gaping nightmare at the edge of the woods. He balks at the thought.

Where the fuck do we go?

"Just get us out of Hawkins."

#anon ask #tag game #my precious #gravegroves writes #harringrove

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steamlore · 3 years

Text

HighFleet - Shipbuilding Guide

Learn how to build ships that have better performance and higher cost-efficiency than built-ins!

HighFleet Shipbuilding

(Initially created August 5th 2021 for game version 1.1)Building effective ships in Highfleet can be extremely frustrating to new players; but is a very rewarding task. Player ships can significantly out-class built-ins in terms of cost-performance and efficiency. This guide is oriented towards players who are not cheating or have not racked up a giant score for new game mode. While the guide can help players who don’t care about fuel expense or cost efficiency, these items are an important consideration in the guide.

Ship Editor Basics:

Hopefully someday Konstantine will explain this ingame... I've had to tell dozens of players how to place multiple parts without going back to the parts menu every step... -You can hold shift whilst placing parts (left click) to retain that piece on your cursor, so that you can place another immediately. -You can create a disconnected segment of a ship, band-box select it, then right click lift the entire piece. You can place/rotate the entire piece… including shift-placement for very fast construction.

Fig.1

Fig.2 Incidentally, I discovered a placement bug with the antenna... -If your editor seems to have locked up, drag select your main hull (the piece of ship containing the Bridge) and right click to attach to your cursor. Place it somewhere empty and your game should be responsive again. This is assuming you are building a sane ship under 200k of cost, ofc...

Highfleet Ship Design Theory

Hybrids suck. Do not build hybrids. Some may find this controversial, but this seems really obvious, and quite a few other players agree with me on this. TacticalShips (that are designed to duke it out in ship vs ship combat) and Strategic/Support/Auxiliary ships should be built very differently.(Other than AAW pickets, but they are a special case and the angles your opponents will start from in Air Defense Mode are far more limited than in Ship vs Ship) Reasoning? -In ship vs ship combat, you get to pick which ships on your team get to appear. Thus, unless you screw up badly, there is no reason for your tanker, missile carrier or sensor ship to ever have to get shot at by cannons. -Tactical ships want to minimize cross-section, to minimize probability of getting hit and mass required for a given armor thickness. Lots of fuel tanks *greatly* increases cross section, mass, and engine count required to achieve a given design speed, making them inferior in combat. -(Good) Tactical ships should use mostly gimballed engines to have maneuverability in combat. This means they are less fuel efficient for a given mass of ship and design speed. -Electronics (Search Radar, ELINT, FCS Radar, IRST, and Jammer) do not function behind armor. They have reduced function through structure too, so don’t get too fancy with structural cages. -Support ships want to use as many static engines as possible, to maximize their fuel efficiency (as well as cruise speed for a given budget). It is my experience that a fleet of optimized tactical ships and optimized support craft is both deadlier/more durable in combat and more fuel efficient than a fleet of hybrids.

Fundamentals of Tactical Ship Design

Ships need to consider how they will fight, what class of targets they will be optimized against, and how they will protect themselves. Players must also consider their own limitations; saying “speed is overpowered and the best defense” might be true, but most players are not 11 Honor Lightning Pilots and therefore should probably not try to fight cruiser fleets in an ultralight. Similarly, if your aim is bad, pick weapon systems with faster reloading speeds and larger magazine sizes, and maybe pack more missiles.Thrusters should be placed towards the extremities of a tactical ship, for example, the corners on a boxy design. Thrusters high up above the center of mass of a ship generally improves stability, placing them below center of mass decreases stability. Increased stability makes landing easier, while decreased stability allows for doing backflips and other tricks while dodging. As stated earlier, tactical ships want to be as compact as possible for a given amount of capability (generally measured by speed/weapons/defense), this makes you harder to hit and easier/cheaper to protect with passive defenses. Unless you are the greatest pilot of all time, you will find yourself getting hit eventually. Losing your bridge = dead ship; losing the ammo usually results in an explosion that (depending on amount of ammo and size of ship) may instantly kill it, and having fuel tanks get hit may cause fires. Obviously getting hit in power, engines or weapons is bad and will lead to a decrease in the ability of your ship to fight, but they are less instantly fatal than an ammo explosion. Therefore, you want to protect your ammo and bridge as much as possible, then fuel and generators. Generators and crew compartments also have more hitpoints than fuel or ammo, which makes them a decent way to protect your explodey bits. While losing the bridge is an instant kill on that ship, it’s fairly durable and less prone to sudden death than ammo. Thus on small ships you protect the ammo even more than the bridge; i.e. hide ammo from expected direction of fire behind the bridge. For ships with relatively few and light weapons, it is possible to spread out your ammo so that some of it exploding does not cause a chain reaction. For ships with lots of heavy weapons, that becomes impractical and the ideal is to centralize your ammunition and bury it as deep as possible behind other components.

Fig2b, examples of what -not- to do. TLDR cram components as close to each other as possible, make ship smol as possible for same number of stuff. Put thrusters near the edges/corners for better turning. Put critical components behind less important parts to die as slowly as possible, the order of importance is Ammo & Bridge > Fuel > Generators > Everything else

Basic Design Challenge

Alright, put the above information into practice. Go build a simple ship with following (additional, make sure you incorporate the lessons learned so far) specifications: - Cheap as possible - 4x AK-100 - Solid top armor - Line of 2x1 Reinforced structure on each side - Thrust-Weight Ratio at least 3 - 2 static thrusters - No fuel tanks or ammo directly exposed - Range at least 750km You should have something that looks like this:

Fig.3 Ugly, and poorly optimized, but that can be fixed! This is a cheap and basic frigate sized bottom-fighter, one of the more powerful archetypes in Highfleet. Even with this crappy hull you can probably (with decent aiming/dodging) clear Difficulty 3/Small Tester with negligible internal damage… But your ship is nowhere near it’s potential. Heck, it can’t even land! How to improve this? Well, get ready to read alot of words and stare at lots of pictures… First we’ll overview the parts that go into tactical ships before we swing around to advanced design methods…

Turrets

There is no such thing as best weapon, only best weapon for a given situation for a given player. Thus players will have to decide what weapons to fit to what design. n 2A37 AK-725 AK-100 D-80 MK-1 MK-2 MK-6 A-220 Cal 37mm 57mm 100mm 130mm 180mm 180mm 180mm 220mmR Mag 50 14 4 4 1 2 6 6 RoF (burst length) 2000 (1.51) 350 (2.4) 400 (0.6) 240 (1) N/A 180 (0.66) 180 (2) 120 (3) Reload (per second) 20 (2.5) 10 (1.4) 7 (0.57) 10 (0.4) 6 (0.16) 10 (0.2) 7 (0.85) 20 (0.3) Turret Speed Normal Normal Normal Normal Slow Slow Very Slow Normal $$$ 3000 1500 2000 4000 4000 6000 24000 4000 Size 1 1 1 1 1 1 4 1 Ammo Req 1 1 1 1 2 4 8 4 Power Req 0.7 0.7 1 1 1.8 2.4 6 3 Crew Req 6 6 6 6 12 24 50 5 In terms of damage per shot (and anti-armor performance when using non-AP munitions), the weapons efficiency is: 37mm *Rocket launchers are very effective when they connect, but their rocket rounds start out slow, then accelerate, requiring a different lead reflex compared to firing guns. Their rockets are also easier to shoot down/dodge than cannon shells. 2A37 With good aim, the CIWS can be extremely potent against lightly protected opponents with it’s 2000 RPM and 50 round magazine. However, it takes 20 (!) seconds to reload it’s magazine, meaning once the readied rounds are depleted, holding down the trigger only fires 2.5 shots per second! Therefore if your aim is bad, it is recommended you open fire only when you have maneuvered into point blank range. (The 2A37 also my recommended weapon of choice for Air Defense ships and a good secondary battery for larger tactical ships to shoot down incoming shells and missiles) Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary AK-725 Commonly regarded as a mediocre weapon, the 57mm lacks the stopping power of 100mm+ weapons, or the ability of the 37mm to saturate the local airspace. However, it is the cheapest gun mount, and actually fairly strong in large numbers (8+) due to it’s large magazine size (14) and great reload rate (10 seconds, or 1.4 rounds per second), extremely friendly for gunners without a disciplined trigger finger. Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary AK-100 On paper, the AK-100 is inferior to the D-80; both have the same magazine size and logistical footprint but the other is higher caliber and does more damage, right? Yet the AK-100 is a fan favorite, while the D-80 is not. For one, the AK-100 fills it’s 4 round magazine in 7 seconds, while the D-80 needs 10. Next, AK-100 has a fire rate of of 400 RPM compared to the D-80’s 240, meaning a shot-cluster from the AK-100 is almost twice as tight as that from the D-80. Faster magazine filling speed and higher ROF also make it decent in point defense, when using Proximity shells. And of course, it is half the price of the D-80… Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary, Proximity, Armor Piercing D-80 For all the advantages of the AK-100, the D-80 offers non-trivially more burst damage up front and better anti-armor performance, as well as a larger proximity shell that has a bigger splash area. If you are a very good marksman and can reliably hit a ship zooming around while flying fast yourself, the D-80 will simply kill the opponent faster on the same logistical footprint. Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary, Proximity, Armor Piercing, Laser Guided MK-1 The first thing you’ll notice when using Big Guns is the reduced turret speed. It just rotates slower than other weapons, making it worse at high speed close range combat. It also requires more power and crew than the standard guns. Unpopular with most players due to it’s single-shot nature. Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary, Proximity, Armor Piercing, Laser Guided MK-2 Quite potent against enemy cruisers with Armor Piercing Ammunition, the MK-2 does cost the same amount as 3 AK-100s and uses more than twice the crew of 3 AK-100s, and uses almost the same power as 3 AK-100s… While there are arguments for not mounting the weight of 3x AK100, the 180mm guns are simply less flexible when not fighting heavy ships. There is some debate whether players should use 4x MK2 or 1x MK6… it depends on your aiming skills. If you are very confident of your marksmanship then 4x MK2 can be superior. Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary, Proximity, Armor Piercing, Laser Guided MK-6 At the cost of a decent frigate before you even factor in logistical footprint, the MK-6 has a higher cost than it’s paper stats show; 8x Ammo requires another 4MW in power and 40 crew to operate… and those crew quarters require power too… and the power generators require more crew. Altogether a MK-6 costs about 30,000 Gold and adds over 2000 tons of mass to a ship. This is before you consider how many more engines (and fuel and crew and power and armor to protect the huge volume!) it takes to keep the same design speed with that extra mass! To top it off, the MK-6 has the same rotational speed issues as the MK-1 and 2, but worse. Opening fire also causes white flashes and shakes to appear on your screen, making aiming more difficult. That being said, with good aim and proper ammunition selection you can obliterate an enemy cruiser in a few salvos. Extremely destructive armament, suitable for use on capital ships to fight other capital ships. Ammo Types: HE, Incendiary, Proximity, Armor Piercing, Laser Guided A-220 The only ship-based rocket launcher in game, the A-220 offers excellent burst firepower on a relatively low logistical footprint. However, due to difficulty of leading targets, increased ease of dodging and vulnerability of your attack to point-defense, it’s fairly unpopular with players. Ammo Types: I don’t actually know all the ammo types you can fit to Rocket Launchers. TLDR: Big guns only cost efficient vs big ships (unless you are Simo Hayha II). AK-100 generally adequate vs everything and can change ammo to be better at whatever it’s facing. Use A-220 if you are a hipster.

Landing Gear Design & Propulsion Selection

Landing Gear

Landing gear (“Legs”) require at least 2 parts for good articulation. They don’t have names as of 1.1, so I will arbitrarily label them:

Fig.4a Types A, B, C, D from left to right n Type A Type B Type C Type D $$$ 400 200 100 50 Power Req 0.4 MW 0.2 MW 0.1 MW 0.07 MW (*) Mass 238t 80t 18t 3t *Estimate When piloting a very light ship (say, under 750t) and with good control, you can just use skids to land. But generally most ships should use landing gear, tactical ships to gain an edge in repair speed, strategic missile/aircraft carriers for faster reloading of expended missiles/replacement of destroyed aircraft. I even put legs on my tankers and spyships; ships without the ability to land just don’t make sense in this world. However, especially on smaller ships, you want the lightest possible legs to avoid excessive thrust/power wastage. For brevity’s sake I’ll just show the types of legs I find appropriate for a given tonnage of ship, though if you are very gentle (zero horizontal motion, less than 9km/h touchdown) with landing you can make do with legs that aren’t quite up to par to save mass/power.

Fig.4b Ultralight

Fig.4c “Corvette Legs” 1x Type C + 1x Type D, suitable for ships up to ~2000t mass

Fig.4d “Frigate Legs” 2x Type C, suitable for ships up to ~4000t mass

Fig.4e 1x Type B + 1x Type C, suitable for ships up to 8000t

Fig.4f 2x Type B, suitable for ships up to 12000t

Fig.4g 1x Type A + Type B, suitable for ships up to 16000t

Fig.4h 2x Type A, suitable for ships up to 20000t For ships that are heavier you can use more than 1 pair of legs to compensate, or just land *very* gently.

Propulsion

The RD series are significantly more fuel efficient but require Large Hull sections. Due to their sheer mass of Large Hull sections it becomes inefficient to build small ships with RD series engines, and very expensive to build fast ships (even if large) with them. Faster, smaller ships will use D-30, NK-25 and D-30S engines for propulsion. Larger, slower ships should use the RD-59 and RD-51. As stated before, tactical ships will want to use mostly gimballed engines and support ships should use mostly static engines. While it is possible to propel a large ship with small engines, the large ship will have extreme fuel consumption for its mass and design speed, not recommended when fuel is one of your biggest expenses in the campaign. TLDR: Use small engines for small ships, strongly consider switching to big engines around 6000t of ship.

Defenses

Reinforced Hull Reinforced hull has the same hitpoint total as an armor block, but at one-fifth of the weight. It’s not perfect, though, because it doesn’t have the damage resistance of armor; you can see this when interlaced armor/reinforced structure triangles get hit by a missile; the structure triangles go deep red or die immediately, whilst the armor triangles (that didn’t fall off from the missing structure) go pink/light red.They Read the full article

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lovlydovlyjaycie · 3 years

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Ævi - Frontlines

Hey again! This will be a continued series. The first Ævi series is in my masterlist and is only four parts. This is going to be a ongoing series, so there is going to be a lot more of Ævi to come. :)

Summary: Y/n or also known as Ævi has lived through varies of world events. Now it is 1941, she has excepted that some things cannot be changed so Loki has convinced Y/n to go to New York and live a normal life, a life Y/n always wanted. Or as normal it can be, because new introductions lead to events that didn’t go down in the history books.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x reader, Steve Rogers, Peggy, Loki, OC Vera

Warnings: Fluff, Violence, Angst, Me being sad writing this, we’re officially in Captain America the First Avenger now... So I guess spoilers? :( :( :(

Note: Omg.. When I tell you I have been dreading writing this part.. But like actually dreading.. Before I started writing this series I wanted it to be no more than 8 parts.. Just because of what is going to happen in this part it became a lot longer.. and now I'm sad

I'm already sad looking at the gif.. like fuckkkk

When I am writing and particularly writing about Bucky and y/n meeting again or them just being in love I always listen to Pirates of the Caribbean to the theme or Will and Elizabeth and I thought it would be good to share that with you guys. To get in the feels. Right now it jumps from POTC One day and the last minute or so from Drink up me hearties yo ho. I know it is so random, but I cannot get it out of my head.

Series masterlist

Part 12

Climbing this mountain was basically a death sentence. We all had to carefully go around to some kind of spot which would make it easy to get on the train. And let me tell you when Steve said that we had to go on a train yesterday I was not thinking we had to jump on from a mountain. No, I was thinking we're gonna hide somewhere in the train and jump out. So this.. This was not so great.

"This is a horrible idea." I said out loud. What if someone fell? I briefly looked down and I wasn't even able to see the ground. We all moved forward as carefully as we could with all the equipment that we needed to get on the train. Some stuff was really heavy, but luckily I didn't have to carry it. Not that I couldn't carry it, I just didn't want to.

"Oh Y/n, don't worry. What is a little adventure, right?!" Gabe said back. Not falling all the way down I thought to myself. As I was going for my next step I missed and almost fell down if Bucky wasn't in front of me and Gabe behind me. They both grabbed me and helped me get my footing back.

"I do think Steve is forgetting that not everyone here has some kind of serum running through their veins." Bucky said as he gave Steve a half pointed look. "We're almost there." Steve said apologetic.

And we finally got to a better more stable service. Steve helped all of us with the last few steps and everybody was setting up their things that we needed to get on that train.

"Here. I saw you didn't get a gun.. Again." Bucky told me as he handed me a handgun. "I'm fine with my.." I started. "I know you can fight well.. Really well with knifes. But I'd feel a lot better if you had this as well. And I know you can shoot, I remember from Coney Island." He said with a smirk. I shook my head and took the gun strapping it away.

"About that Steve." Bucky said as he turned around and walked towards the edge where Steve was looking out at the train track. "Is this some kind if payback, because I made you throw up?" They both moved out of the way for Dum Dum to shoot a rope down for us to slide down on when the train was here. "Now why would I do that?"

They were both trying to make light of the situation. I think we were all nervous for how this mission was about to go. We never jumped on a train like that. Or at all really. And we all had a very small window to get on that train.

I walked over to Gabe, he was listening to radio trying to figure out what was going to be on that train. "We were right. Dr. Zola's on the train." He told everyone. "Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Where ever he is going they must need him bad." Gabe continued. Steve and Bucky came to stand next to me. Steve nodded and put on his helmet, getting ready for the train.

I turned around and walked towards the edge. Bracing myself to basically zipline on a fast moving train. "We'll be alright, Doll." Bucky said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him and nodded. I had never felt this kind of nervous before. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Before we got interrupted.

"Let's get going, because they're moving like the devil." That was out warning that the train was here. Steve strapped his chain to the zipline. Bucky pushed me in front of him, so I was between Steve and Bucky.

"We only got about a ten second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield." Steve told us. "Great pep talk." I said under my breath.

I stood ready with my chain behind Steve. Oh boy do I wish I could fly right now. Dernier flagged his hand down and there went Steve down the zipline. I put my chain on as soon as Steve went down and felt Bucky briefly squeezing my shoulder. Then it was my turn and after it was Bucky's and Gabe's. The wind was freezing cold going down and it stung my face. That feeling was gone quickly, because it was time to let go and jump on the train. I found my balance quickly and looked behind me for Bucky. He landed safely as well. Now it was time to follow Steve. He had found a ladder down and we all got ready just incase someone decided to pop up on the train as well and fight us. After Steve gave the all clear we followed him in the train.

"I'm gonna go ahead and see if Dr. Zola is at the front of the train." Gabe yelled. We gave him the thumbs up before closing the door of the train. It instantly felt better not having that stinging cold going up into your face anymore.

I was about to go get my knifes from my back, but Bucky gave me a pleading look. He wanted me to hold the gun. He was obviously just as nervous as everybody else. I gave him I quick nod and took my gun instead, pointing it in front of me. We cautiously looked around for any threats and I looked around at the same time to see if by any chance the Tesserect would be on this train. Nothing as if yet. We walked over to the end of this cabin. Steve looked back briefly and then walked through the door opening for the next cabin. But before Bucky and I could follow the doors automatically slipped closed.

I quickly tried to pull on the door to see if it would open, but nothing. Then I heard gunshots coming from behind me. Bucky quickly stepped in action and started shooting at the offender. I pulled my gun up and did the same. "Get down!" Bucky yelled. I quickly took cover on the left side and he did on the right. Bucky kept firing upon them and one fell down. "How many?!" I yelled at him. There were bullets flying everywhere and I didn't have time to look yet at how many were firing at us. "THREE!" He yelled back.

I looked over and started shooting as quickly as I could to whatever movement I could see. Then I ducked for them firing at me. They had hit a thin pipe and it was making steam come out. I tried to look back and a bullet grazed next to my cheek. I got my gun ready again to shoot, but this time nothing came out. "Shit! I'm out!" I yelled at Bucky. I didn't have any extra bullets. But I had an idea. The pipe. I quickly leaped forward and pulled the pipe of the wall. "This is gonna be ugly." I said under my breath. Again I quickly looked up from my hiding spot and saw that two of them were also hiding on the left side behind boxes, but it wasn't really covering him.

The agent that wasn't well covered started firing at me and I ducked. I grabbed the pipe a little tighter and spun it in me hands once. After the shooting at me briefly stopped I quickly stood up and threw the pipe at the agent. And yes it was ugly, I hit him right through his chest to through the wall. He was hanging there and blocking the other agent from moving anywhere. This also distracted the agent that was hiding on the right and Bucky took that chance to shoot him and he fell to the ground.

This was my opening. I ran quickly to the other side of the train. I pulled the pipe out of the wall and the agent and hit the last standing agent in his head. Then I spun it around once more, quickly looking around if there were more agents hiding somewhere.

"They really need to teach the military whatever you know. Nobody would stand any chance." Bucky stated and I snorted at that. I am kind of cheating because I had a thousand years to perfect literally everything I know and wanted to learn.

"You ok?" He asked with a serious tone. I nodded. "You?" I asked him back and he nodded as well. We turned towards the door that had separated Steve from us ready to fight whatever came next. I was still holding the pipe, because I figured it worked the first time.

As we opened the door Steve came through. He had already successfully fought off his threat. "You guys ok?" Steve asked as he walked towards us. "We had him on the ropes." Bucky said smiling. Then we heard some kind of buzz. "GET DOWN!" Steve yelled as he pushed me and Bucky out of the way and held his shield up. Then a blue flash hit his shield but it reflected it towards the side of the train. Now there was this enormous hole in the train that instantly made it freezing inside.

Steve and I laid on the ground with the pipe I was holding earlier out of reach. Bucky instantly sprung in action and grabbed Steve's shield. He held it up and started shooting at the offender to no avail. That same buzzing sound came from the offender and shot at Bucky. "BUCKY!" I yelled. He got blasted back through the gap that was in the train. He luckily was able to grab on to something right away. Not caring what was happening around me I ran over to Bucky and reached out my hand.

I held on to the side of the wall but he was too far. He tried to reach out as well, but nothing was stable enough for him to reach forward more. I decided to climb down and reach for him again. "NO!" Bucky yelled. But I ignored him and climbed down further towards him. "TAKE MY HAND!" I yelled and this time he was able to reach for it. Bucky tried to move closer but his feet slipped down. He was only holding on to the railing with one hand and the other hand was holding mine.

"HANG ON!" I heard Steve yell from behind me. I looked over and Steve was climbing down as well. "GRAB MY HAND!" He yelled at me again. But before I could do anything the railing Bucky was hanging on to broke which made me fall with Bucky. "NO!" Was the last thing I could hear Steve yell before everything seemed to turn in slow-motion.

The speed of falling like this is something I had never felt before. It felt like all my intestines were floating around in my body and it made me feel sick. From the wind that was going past my ears I couldn't hear at first how Bucky was yelling. It was frightening. We were both holding onto each others hand as tightly as possible. I had to try and get us out of this. If the Bifrost was fast enough it could safe us both. "HEIMDALL! HEIMDALL! HEIMDA-.." Then everything turned black.

I felt cold. Freezing cold. It felt like all the air had been pushed out of my lungs and I had trouble getting air back in again. I slowly opened my eyes and it was dark out, but I could make out that I was somewhere between mountains and snow. I felt dizzy from just taking in what was around me. My whole body hurt, it felt like it had been put in a blender. I was trying to catch my breath and making my eyes focus better.

My breathing started to get better but my vision was not working. I started to rub my eyes hoping that that would help. As I pulled my hands away I decided to focus on that. They were covered with blood. I looked at my arms and saw that my jacket was ripped and also covered with blood. I quickly sat up and saw even more blood, but where was it coming from. I turned around to look at me and immediately saw Bucky. "No.."

I crawled over with tears in my eyes. "No.. no, no, no, no." As I came closer I already knew that he looked worse than I did. His back was turned towards me and I reached forward to turn him over. And as I did that I stumbled back. "Oh my God.." He was missing his left arm. Without even wanting too I saw his.. arm.. in the distance.

"Ok, Bucky. Wake up please. Come on." I said as I came closer again and put my hand on his cheek. It was cold. "Come on Bucky please." I pleaded with him. His chest was not moving. I put my fingers on his neck, looking for a pulse, but there was nothing. I shook my head. "Come on please!" I let out a breath before putting my hands on his chest. I had never done this before, but if I could heal a bullet wound.. I.. I have to try this. My hands started to glow it's golden and white glow.

"Come on! Work!" I scolded myself tears falling down my face. This glow looked pathetic. I needed to heal his whole body, but it was not getting bigger, the glow was not spreading. "Work!" I shook my hands briefly and tried again. I looked at Bucky's face to see if it was doing anything, but he laid still. "PLEASE!" I yelled up at the sky. But my glow stayed the same. I put my hands on his cheeks. "Please.. Please wake up Bucky.. I need you." I whispered. My tears fell down on his face, rolling down his cheek. It felt like a piece of my heart was gone. This can't be it.

"Bucky.. I can't do this without you.." After a moment my hands stopped glowing. It wasn't working... I.. I failed..

I don't know how long I had been sitting here. I think it turned light at some point then dark and now it was light out again. So maybe two days. But I wasn't sure. It might have been the clouds. I really couldn't tell anymore.

After a while I had moved so Bucky's head was laying in my lap. He was so cold. His.. His body was frozen. I was making myself go crazy with the things I should have done. I should've gone for the shield. I should've said that the whole train thing in general didn't sit right with me. I should have called for Heimdall earlier. The Bifrost never even came.. Did he not hear me?

My tears had stopped falling down my cheeks a little while ago, but I couldn't stop crying. Steve must be devastated. He was still out there somewhere. He was all alone and probably still trying to fight Hydra. And I still need to get the Tesserect I thought to myself. I let out a shaky breath and it sounded like I heard something in the distance. I saw some movement. And for the first time in a long time I felt like a scared little girl. I wanted to hide behind my parents and let them dealt with whatever confrontation that was coming.

Not knowing what to do I hid. I hid like a coward behind some rocks that could give me cover.

The people came closer. There were five of them holding guns. "Nimm ihn." One said as they came closer to Bucky. I shook my head and started to bang it against the rocks behind me. I'm such a coward. Do something. But I was frozen in my spot. They exchanged some words quietly before picky Bucky up. Now I felt my tears coming back. I failed. I failed Bucky. I failed Steve. But Steve I could still help. I had to help Steve. I had to try.

I looked back carefully trying to give Bucky one last look and for a split second it looked like his chest was moving. But I shook my head trying to get that thought out of my head.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. I pulled my dog tags out of my shirt and held them tight. Taking a deep breath as I stood up and started walking the other direction.

"I love you. Now. Tomorrow. and Forever."

With every word I said I took a deep breath. And as I said the last word I put the dog tags back in my shirt and started running. Steve needed help.

...

I'm sad

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cakejots · 3 years

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this is us trying, Chapter 7 - The Aid

In this AU, they don’t know each other outside of the suit. And in this AU, Ladybug and Chat Noir love each other. But in this AU, Chat doesn’t want their identities revealed.

Written for @ladynoirjuly 2021

notes: this is a coherent story based on all the prompts; each chapter contains at least 3 prompts

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10

Read on AO3

21. Roommates

The journey to Marinette’s house was a short one, it was no wonder she appeared so quickly earlier on. They went past the Dupain-Cheng Bakery and within a minute, they landed on her balcony.

Lady Rouge? Rena Bug? Rena bug sounded more consistent with her other unifications but he still didn’t know. Marinette slid open her balcony door and stepped in, but Chat didn’t follow. When she realised he had yet to come in, she went to the balcony door.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure?” He glimpsed at her. “I don’t want to impose.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I’m not okay with it,” she rolled her eyes. “And don’t worry, you’re not imposing at all!”

Chat still stood rooted at the balcony.

“You… We can treat it as though we’re roommates?” She tried. “You can sleep on the bed while I sleep on the mattress.”

“Actually, I should sleep on the mattress and you on the bed. I don’t want to intrude on the place where you need your beauty sleep.”

She sighed. “If I agree to that, will you come in?”

He nodded.

“Alright, I’ll sleep in my bed.”

Once he entered, they de-transformed, and Marinette’s stomach growled.

Her arms flew to her abdomen and her cheeks turned pink. “Aha, I haven’t had breakfast…”

“Let me make it for you!” Adrien jumped on the chance.

“Adrien, all I have to do is to spread the butter and jam on the bread,” she chuckled.

“I know. But please,” he activated his kitten eyes, “that’s the least I can do for you.”

Her eyebrow twitched. “Alright, alright.”

He beamed. “And for your drink?”

“Tea, please.”

“Coming right up!” He started to move, but stopped soon after. “Uhh, I might need you to show me the way to everything.”

Marinette laughed. Such a dork.

After they had fun making their breakfast together and feeding each other, Marinette went into her room to get something while Adrien stayed in the living room to browse his public social account. He understood that he couldn’t run from the scandal for long. He needed to know what the public was saying so that he could come up with a suitable statement to address it.

“Chaton, you need some time off from that.” He jumped when her voice appeared so suddenly beside his ear as she planted herself next to him. “So put that away and join me!”

“What are you doing?”

“Designing!” She held up her sketchbook. “What do you think?”

Adrien took the sketchbook from her and focused on the sketch she had drawn. It was a long and elegant A-Line dress with lace-patterned sleek long sleeves.

He smiled teasingly. “Is my lady aspiring to be a fashion designer?”

She nodded, anticipation for his opinion clear in her eyes.

“It’s really classy!” He raised an eyebrow, then wiggled both. “Are you making this for a future date with me?”

She flushed. “I-I know you have something to comment about the dress, tell me!”

He laughed. “Well, it’s perfect the way it is. But since you asked, you can always go sleeveless as well.”

Her eyes sparkled at his comment, a smirk growing on her lips. She flipped a page on the sketchbook still in his hands to show the same dress. But this time, the sleeves are gone, exactly what he had suggested just moments ago.

Adrien’s smile faltered for a second before coming back wider and prouder. “You sure you’re not a fashion designer yet?”

She scratched the back of her head. “I really wanted to intern at Gabriel…”

“Oh.”

“But no worries!” She clapped her hands to disperse the gloomy atmosphere. “Having the model of a fashion powerhouse compliment my designs? It’s more than I could ever ask for.”

“With skills like these, it won’t be long until someone picks you.” He held her hand and rubbed his thumb on the back of it. “Do you have a portfolio? Can you show them to me?”

Marinette’s eyes gleamed. “Can my day get any better?”

They spent the rest of the day admiring her impressive collection of designs.

The yawn that came from Marinette halted whatever they were doing.

“S-Sorry,” she covered her mouth, cheeks reddened. “I woke up earlier than usual today, so I think I’m turning in right now. D-Do you want to join me?”

“I would love to,” he smiled.

She stood to get the mattress but Adrien held her arm. “Actually, is… is it okay if w-we sleep together on your bed?”

Her eyes shone and she squatted down to his level to booped his nose. “Of course, mon Chaton.” She grabbed his hands and led him to the toilet before going to her room.

She jumped into her bed and moved in to give him space. Marinette looked at him expectantly as he stopped at her door. She raised her arms to entice him into her embrace, and it worked. Adrien walked towards her bed and snaked his arms around her waist as he got on, pulling her body flush against his.

“Ahhh,” she melted into him. “Your heat is very welcome right now”

“Did you invite me just to be your personal heater?”

“Maaaybe,” she smirked.

He pulled away and gaped at her, mock-offended. “How dare you.”

She cackled and chased after his heat. “Adrieeen! Don’t do this to meee, come back here!”

Marinette managed to pull him back, her arms caged his neck and legs wrapped around his waist, effectively trapping him.

“Alright, alright,” he chuckled, arms encircling her once again and he kissed her nose. “Goodnight, Marinette.”

Her cheeks burn at the sweet gesture. “Goodnight, Adrien.”

22. Heal

Adrien awoke from his slumber, alarmed that he’s in an unfamiliar room, until he recalled that he was staying over at Marinette’s. He checked his side, and there she was still sleeping as soundly as he remembered just a few days prior.

Marinette wasn’t clinging onto him as tightly as she was last night, but she’s still snuggled up in his personal space. He doesn’t mind that all at, he had his arm wrapped around her shoulders pulling her towards him. Her hand and leg were draped lazily across his waist and leg, and her head was on his chest, rising and falling in accordance to his breathing.

It wasn’t a dream.

She’s by his side.

And he still has the scandal to deal with.

Adrien ran his hand down his face to wipe away any sleepiness before he grabbed his phone from the shelves above him, and concluded Marinette is a pretty heavy sleeper. He shifted quite a bit searching for his phone but she didn’t stir at all. After finding a comfortable position, he went online and browsed through.

There’s the side that’s all rainbowy, sparkles, and flowers. The side that supports his decisions, saying how adorable they are as a couple and calls for the media and harassers to stop their digging and let him be happy.

And then there’s the mob and haters, holding their pitchforks and axes and spreading false rumours, negativity, and hate about their relationship. Demanding them to break up, else they’d boycott him.

He has been in the eyes of the media all his life, he has learnt how to filter out the noises pretty well. He can’t please everyone. They’re all unique with their own taste and preferences. He understood that much. Which was why he really didn’t care if people boycotted him. If they really supported him, they would’ve wished him happiness.

What he really couldn’t stand were the nasty remarks they'd made of Marinette. He knew it was going to come, but to read about them with his own eyes made his blood boil.

How dare they call her these abhorrent names. They are just vomiting words that didn’t describe Marinette at all. Golddigger? Slut? Whore? He was so disgusted that people could scope to that level. She’s the sweetest person he’s ever met and was pretty sure no one could come close to her level. She’s Ladybug! Protector of Paris and people love her. And as soon as she shows up in a different form, she gets hated on? He was never one to be bothered by haters’ opinions, but they are directed at Marinette, the love of his life. He can’t let this slide! This shouldn’t even be happening. Why are humans so ugly? What—

“Adrien?”

Her groggy voice snapped him out of his onslaught of the haters, and he directed his attention to her on his chest.

Those blue eyes were staring at him so intently, and it made him self-conscious. But it also made him finally realise that his heart rate was accelerating and he was inhaling quick and shallow breaths. He was also gripping her shoulder stiffly.

He released his hold immediately.

Shit. Were those what disturbed her beauty sleep?

“Good morning, my lady!” He tried his best to sound as cheery as possible, to hide the fact that he was doing something she had disapproved of earlier on.

“What are you checking on your phone?” Fuck.

“Uhh—”

He wasn’t able to explain because Marinette had pushed herself from his chest to stop beside his head to have a better look.

Adrien could hear his own pulse in his head, and it was amplified by the silence that nestled itself within the room. She must be furious.

“Adrien,” her voice sounded deafening. “I would prefer it if you step back from social media and heal from what you experienced just yesterday.” She frowned and turned towards him. “Is there a reason why you refuse to stop browsing it?”

He let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Adrien didn’t know why he was so afraid of Marinette finding out, maybe he was scared of disappointing her, but her reactions showed that he has nothing to worry about. He supposed he did owe her an explanation for it.

“I… I hoped to get a general understanding of the public’s view on the matter,” his hand reached for hers and his thumb shyly caressed the back of her hand. “So that the statement that I eventually have to release can address them accordingly.”

“Okay, fair enough,” she still didn’t like the idea though. “But could you take more time off first? Or at least, we view them together?”

As much as Adrien admires Marinette’s commitment to solving issues, he truly didn’t want her to be reading those revolting comments about herself. “You really don’t want to see how distasteful they can be.”

“Haters gonna hate,” she shrugged. “I’ve dealt with that in school before. Besides, I don’t believe in liars. ”

Adrien’s eyes widened like saucers. “There were people who hated you?”

“Of course. I’m pretty sure they still do. I know I can’t please everyone,” she petted his head. “So don’t worry your pretty head about how I’ll take them. It’s us against the world, remember?”

“As always.” He smiled teasingly and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her cheek. “And you think I’m pretty.”

“Hush.”

23. Guilt

It’s been a few days since Adrien arrived at her home.

A few days since he had a taste of the potential life he might have with Marinette in the future.

A few days since pictures of them were invasively taken on the night of their reveal and sold to the biggest gossip magazine in Paris.

Adrien still has yet to do anything to address the issue. He had taken Marinette’s wishes to heart and took time off of social media to properly rejuvenate from the traumatic experience he went through in the Agreste mansion. She was right, he himself went through the intense rage he didn’t know he was capable of after reading about the offensive things some members of the public had said about her.

Marinette’s presence was very warm and welcoming. She had made the healing process much faster than if he had been dealing with it all alone.

But it still didn’t ease the guilt that has been eating at him ever since. Adrien knew he had to deal with the media when Shadowmoth’s identity became public knowledge. It was one of the reasons why he didn’t want the reveal to happen right after the final battle. He didn’t want his lady to be caught up in the mess. And to think that all her waiting had been for naught just because he slipped up on the night of their reveal.

He felt like utter shit.

“Marinette, I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess.”

She was taken aback by the sudden apology. They were currently snuggling on her sofa, Marinette toying with his hair and Adrien lying on top of her chest, arms around her waist, listening to her heartbeat and enjoying the sensation her fingers brought. Nothing about the current situation they were in warranted a need for an apology from his end.

“Adrien, what do you mean?”

He looked at her. “I know how much you value your privacy. I practically put your face out for the world to see.”

Marinette frowned at this. “No, no you didn’t. Why would you say that? You took extra precautions for us to meet up, remember? Who walks in empty parks at 3 am in the morning? Literally no one! So—“

“But think about it, Marinette,” he cut her. “If I didn’t insist on walking you home in our civilian forms, if I had just chosen another date for the reve—”

“Are you saying you regret the way the reveal went?”

“No!” Adrien was flabbergasted that she even came to that conclusion. “Of course not! I would never! It has brought me so much joy to finally know who you are.”

He squeezed her waist. “But I can’t help but think all this mess could’ve been avoided if only I was more careful.”

When Marinette didn’t reply, he took it as she was waiting for him to elaborate further.

“I was so blinded by what I wanted at that moment that I created this mess. I caused you to be in harm's way.” He averted his gaze as tears started to form in his eyes. “The media was one of the reasons why I held off the reveal. I didn’t want the media’s eyes on you. And now, all the time you’ve spent patiently waiting for the reveal has been for nothing, all because of what I did. I was so selfish in my approach. I’m so sorry.”

Marinette held his face in her hands and wiped away the tears. “But you made it right straight away, didn’t you?”

Adrien snapped back to her. “H-Huh?”

“You asked me to transform and leave the area as soon as you realised something was wrong, didn’t you?” She smiled gently and caressed his cheeks.

He said nothing to reject her deduction. She shouldn’t be giving him those looks when he had ruined her life.

His eyes widened as she planted a kiss on his forehead. “You’re selfish, Adrien. But not in the way you think you are. The fact that you're guilty of your actions makes you aware and sensitive to the ones around you.”

She moved to stroke his hair. “You’re empathetic towards others, that’s far from being selfish.”

Her actions were so simple. Yet, her eyes, voice, and touch all soothed him to no end.

Marinette held his cheeks again and pressed her lips to his nose. “Have you actually forgotten that you’re Chat Noir, Protector of Paris? You're the reason why Paris is safe now.”

She pecked his left cheek. “It's not selfish to want something you desire, when giving is all you’ve been doing all this while.”

And then the other. “So Adrien, you don’t need to apologise for exposing me to the media. I don’t blame you for that. At all. Because you’ve done nothing wrong. But I do hope you forgive yourself for being selfish.”

He leaned towards her hand and rubbed his face against them. Her assurance means everything to him.

Marinette regarded him, and added one last sentence to solidify her speech. “I would say I’m selfish too, I refused to let you go when you clearly needed some time and space to yourself.”

“You're not selfish, my lady” he immediately jumped to deny any allegations she made against herself. “Your presence really helped me.”

“Then apply these to yourself too, Chaton. You being selfish made me really happy,” she flashed a pleasant and tender smile to him. Her hand travelled into his hair again and played with them. “I finally got to know who the love of my life is. It's what I’ve wanted for 6 years. So your selfishness has made me really blissful. I think I would’ve been more offended if you weren’t selfish,” she giggled.

Adrien was about to melt into a puddle of goo if she continued throwing those looks at him. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles, hoping to convey his gratitude through his eyes and gesture. “I was heading towards a negative headspace, and I apologise for that. Thanks for pulling me back.”

She smiled, and he knew that it had. “I forgive you, and you're welcome. Treat yourself nicer, Adrien. It's okay to be selfish sometimes.”

Adrien lifted himself off of her and moved to rub his nose on hers admiringly before his lips landed on hers, pouring all of his love and adoration for her into that kiss.

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