#honestly its okay i just mourned that show so long ago that seeing people do it now feels weird

[lambsmain]

everyone in the ofmd fandom is out here pretending that season 2 was good or something?

#honestly its okay i just mourned that show so long ago that seeing people do it now feels weird #but i'm sorry that its over for those upset by it of course #like pls dont take this personally you're allowed to feel bad etc

[barmadumet]

Ahsoka Episode 5 Spoilers Below!

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Okay, I’m going to do something I never do, and I don’t think ever have done – I’m going to do the “take” thing – put my opinion online. I don’t like to do this, because I feel like there is ALWAYS someone opposed, and I just don’t want any bad energy revolving around my beloved escape from reality.

For the last twenty-two hours, I have been profusely hitting the ❤️­s on other posts, jumping up and down and hugging people, and basically just doing the equivalent of shouting, “ANAKIN!!!” but I’ve yet to really try to discuss Episode 5, because, quite frankly, it’s just been too freaking emotional for me! I have all these feelings that I don’t know how to sort out, and I've honestly felt like I could burst into tears at any given moment, all day long. I went through this with the Obi-Wan Kenobi series, and I remember I felt literally insane for a WHILE. Perhaps, I should’ve written something like this back then – writing is my outlet, after all.

So, here we go. . . I don’t have many followers, and I know many people won’t read this, but I just need to get it out!

A couple of weeks ago, my dear friend, Wibz asked me, “What kind of story do you like? What kind of fic do you like to read?” I replied sappy, mushy, hurt/comfort, of course. I told her I like dialogue – dealing with emotional ups and downs - HEALING. I told her I liked fix-its and time travel, and I specifically said I like seeing into ‘what could’ve been’ scenarios, and I mentioned by name the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” And the thing I really love about that movie is the ability to visit the past. I like stories that take us back – and not just as a flashback, but a present character being able to look at their past and reflect. You probably know where this is going by now, but the way we finally got our long-awaited Clone Wars ‘flashback’ couldn’t have been more perfect in my opinion.

And the thing that has made me the most emotional through all of this was simply seeing that first battle in live action. I will admit, upon viewing the first two episodes of Ahsoka, I felt the show might’ve been better presented in Rebels animation. Well, I can now, happily admit I was wrong.

We saw the brutal beginnings of the Clone Wars at the Battle of Geonosis in Attack of the Clones, and we see the heart-breaking conclusion and the end of the war in Revenge of the Sith. My personal opinion is that we have been very fortunate to get a great show about the time in between, however; being short, animated (directed at a younger audience) episodes, there are emotional aspects that are rushed through and not fully explored. If you’ve read my insanely long fix-it fic, then you know that it carries through these Clone Wars episodes that I love so very much, BUT in writing it my own way, I was able to put in all the drama I wanted to see – the breakdowns, the tears, a deeper look into the trauma of fighting in a war. And yes, there have been some amazing Star Wars novels that do this, but again, seeing it in live action. . . seeing just how young Ahsoka really was, seeing her mourn the injured and deceased clones. Having her and Anakin address the fragility of life and getting to hear that conversation about it. . . Now the viewing audience has a grasp on just how bleak this time period was. I didn’t know how bad I needed to see this – a human turned Togruta actor conveying those destroyed expressions and defeated body language. The impact was more than I expected, and it wouldn’t have been the same in animation.

The other super tear-jerky part for me was the theme of ‘Live or Die’ ‘Fight or Die’ . . .I can’t let myself get into too much detail about this, but if you know me, and you know my story, then you know. Great. I’m crying again 🤷🏻‍♀️ This was just such a powerful message for ANYONE struggling in any aspect of their life, and it sincerely helped me to rise another day, and will be a continued reminder, probably for a while.

You all know how much I love Anakin (and Obi-Wan), and so much of the hype is revolved around his character right now, but this personal journey we find Ahsoka on is truly beautiful to me. I was honestly uneasy about the way Ahsoka was portrayed, thus far, in our other series. She didn’t feel like Ahsoka to me. I accepted and understood that her character had been through much in her short life, and that much time had passed since we last saw her and she would've evolved, but overall, I honestly (😬) didn’t much enjoy what we got of her in live action. I kept my expectations for this show at the minimum. I try not to predict what might happen in canon Star Wars, because I never want to set myself up for disappointment. I strive to go in with an open mind and a clear head and just enjoy the show. But I’ll admit, I was hopeful for Ahsoka’s character development in this. . . and so far, I find myself satisfied. It has now been acknowledged how severely Anakin’s turn impacted her – that was a necessity in my opinion, because of course it did. And it’s still unfathomable to me, but I feel like we got to witness her getting her closure with Anakin 😭 At the end of episode 5, I was finally getting the Ahsoka vibes I was longing for. And let’s not ignore just how ’Ahsoka’ she was in the past scenes with Anakin! I was in awe of how her different animated fighting stances over the years translated into live action. It was her! And this is probably a great time to also mention: that was Anakin, too! In the beginning, we saw him on that World Between Worlds walkway training Ahsoka – the orchestrated footwork, the lack of aggression . . . It felt like the Anakin we see in the lightsaber kata training video Ahsoka watches in Rebels! We have not seen this in live action! We have not seen Anakin as a Master to an apprentice! 🥹 And again, I didn’t know how bad I needed that. Later, when we are taken back onto that WBW walkway, we see him fighting like we’ve seen in Revenge of the Sith. It’s Vader! And he’s so pissed and intends to kill! I won’t spend too much time gushing the way most already have – the Sith eyes, the flawless ROTS attire we already loved given back to us, and the Clone Wars look brought to life. . . the hair 😍 Just seeing him, Hayden Anakin, fight in a Clone Wars battle in live action! So strong and mighty 💪🏻 with such determination and sensitivity. . . with just the right amount of cockiness 😉 He’s perfection. And I think this is noncontroversial opinion everyone would agree with lol.  

And maybe you do or don’t agree with this part, but I feel Anakin’s appearance was 💯 open to interpretation, and I think that’s GREAT. This character means so much to so many people, and there is never a way to satisfy everyone when it comes to storytelling. Everyone had/has different opinions of how this should’ve been handled. Was Anakin a Force ghost? Was the entire encounter all in Ahsoka’s head? Was Anakin something else entirely? Was he Vader? Maybe you have an answer to this question and you are certain in your theory – that’s awesome. I think that’s the way it should be. We get to “make things the way we want them to be” WITH CANON! 👏🏻 I am not yet certain of what my own theory is. I’ve watched it four times, and I am still processing it all. One thing for sure, I’m glad the WBW was involved. Again, if you know of my preferred way to ‘fix-it’ then you know what that means to me 🥰

I think I’m done 🫣 I just needed to release these feelings! And I feel we are so blessed. I still can’t believe this really happened. And I am so thankful to get to share in the joy with all of you 💖 Okay! I think I’m ready to talk now if y’all want to talk! 🤭

#ahsoka spoilers #a barma take? #that hasn't been done in the history of tumblr #hope you aren't insulted #this is basically a review I guess? #ANAKIN! #FEELINGS! #AHHH! #I love the feelings

[resslawx]

So, i wrote this for my Instagram page since it’s where it all started. But since I posted my edits here as well, I felt like sharing it here too.

Blacklist has been a part of my life ever since it aired 8 years ago. Back then, I was a child and I grew up with it by my side.

I’ve always been invested in this show, especially the last 4 years were really intensive. This show, most of all the relationship between Liz and Red + the Keenler bond became a big part of my life - in every meaning. And everyone who knows me personally, or is simply an active follower of my page, knows how dedicated I’ve been for the shipping I’ve grown to love so much.

To see how the show lost its path over the years was sad, of course, but for me it was bearable. It was still okay, even tho it wasn’t the blacklist I fell in love with anymore. But to see it completely destroyed in like 2 minutes, to see 8 YEARS completely destroyed in the blink of an eye? I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t want to see it coming.

When we knew Megan would leave the show after s8, I was already crushed (I won’t talk more about my opinion of how things went with her/the network/the producers/writers because I’m tired of that. We all have our own views. I’m simply talking about the show and its storyline here because that’s what my page is about) but I still hoped they’d give her character a… 'decent' ending?

As a keenler, I sure hoped for her to simply disappear, to leave a door open for their deserved happy ending. But most of all I hoped that the character of Elizabeth Keen would get the answers she deserved, the answers this whole damn show was built on finding!

I’ve read many things awesome people wrote, things I can fully relate to. I share your anger, pain, frustration and questions.

Reddington and Liz were the core of the show and to me, everyone who disagrees (or says that red was the only important main character) simply didn’t understand the show and its concept. Save your time and don’t try to argue with me about that.

Their relationship has been the show’s heart.

Liz’ questions and her try to find the answers to them.

And in the end, she died without them.

If you’re saying, she got the answer who red is by realizing he’s her mother - it wasn’t really confirmed. Besides, even if this should be the solution, then Reddington didn’t even bother to TELL her while she was DYING.

But oh, don’t get me started on how I started to dislike Reddington more and more this whole season because in my eyes he became selfish, his actions not about “keeping Liz safe” anymore - honestly, the Liz and red bond was thrown into the 🗑 for a long time already and even tho I hoped it would become better again, I had set my piece that it wouldn’t happen. I guess that’s another reason why keenler started to be my only reason for watching.

I’ve never been a fan of the rederina thingy theory but tbh at this point I don’t even care about it anymore. As many of you already said: What’s the point of us learning his real identity (if we ever would lol) if Liz isn’t there to learn about it anymore? Yeah, none. She was the one who should’ve gotten those answers, it’s not important anymore.

Liz may have annoyed me at times, made me angry or disappointed. But I still loved her and not just as "a character to throw into a ship I want to exist" as I heard some people say. She didn’t deserve this ending, nobody did.

[and if I see one more person blaming ressler for her death — for gods sake.]

Back to the heart of my page: keenler.

Who truly knows me knows that I had no problem with people who didn’t ship them because it didn’t stop me from doing so.

I like to say that it has been my once in a lifetime ship. I strongly believe that people like us, who find comfort in fictional characters of books, movies, shows, games and so on have that one special show / character / ship / relationship or whatever which keeps them sane like no other. That’s what keenler has been for me, no matter what might come in the future. I’ll never be as invested as I was with them.

The last few years had some p r e t t y rough times but I always found comfort with them. Over the time I published my edits here, many of you told me they could see how much heart I put into them (what made me really happy btw). And yes, I did. Because they made me feel like nothing else ever did and comforted me in times where nothing and nobody was able to do so.

Y’all know donald ressler will always be my favorite character of this show (✌🏻) but i grew to love this ship which had such a big influence on his character just as much. The way they ended them is more than hard for me. And with them, everyone lost.

Reds whole dedication to keep Liz safe failed.

Well, Liz lost.. everything.

Ressler lost the woman he loves for the second time. At this point I believe the writers simply never wanted him to have a happy ending.

The task force doesn’t exist as one anymore, their relationships are torn apart.

I don’t want to go into more detail, I just wanted to post something because people kept asking me about some things here.

Will I keep editing? Honestly I don’t know.

This page was dedicated to something that’s now dead. Yes, I want to do at least one last edit for them. They deserve it, I need it. But I’m not able to do so at the moment.

For now, I’m mourning. Mourning the death of a fictional character, mourning the death of the ship that was a part of myself, mourning a show that once brought me so much joy and is now destroyed.

I’m honest here, I’m not doing well but I’m trying. It’ll get better, at some point it will. But I know i need time. What feels like the loss of 8 years isn’t grieved in 4 days.

I’m still around, feel free to talk to me whenever you want (Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, wherever).

To those close to me, my friends, no matter in “real life” or those I met in this fandom: thank you. Thank you for being here, helping me through something (some of) you might not even understand. You know who you are and you are appreciated.

Let’s mourn together ? It’s all we can do.

Also: a big thank you to everyone who has always been such a supporter of the work I’ve done here ❤️ for me, posting your edits, is like posting a part of yourself and I’m truly grateful that you accepted it - and that it brought you so much joy!

#keenler #the blacklist #donald ressler #elizabeth keen

[dragynkeep]

Hi there, ironpines! (Love the name btw, I read a really good fic about ironwood being a father-figure to Oscar when RWBY and co. get to Atlas).

So this is probably going to be very long but I’ve really gotta vent about some stuff.

(Also, first ask. I honestly didn’t know how to do this for the longest time. Just got back into tumblr a bit ago).

1. I hate Jaune Arc (a lot of people do), but I want to know why. Do you think/believe he’s an author’s pet? Also, why the HELL did he kill Penny in the first place?!? Why not Winter, Nora, or Ruby? Why did he have to go to the island? Just- WHY?

2. In the first three volumes I really liked Team RWBY, but now….how did they get so skewed? What went wrong? How can Ruby be THAT arrogant that she point-blank says to Qrow: “we never needed an adult’s help.” Like- yes you did! If not for Qrow killing the Grimm in v4 they would have been continuously fighting Grimm. I’m the fight against Tyrian (one of my favorite characters and favorite fights) if not for Ruby getting in the way Qrow wouldn’t have been POISONED!

3. (This is the one I’m going to get cyber-ly killed for). (I also had just started RWBY when volume 5 was airing weekly.) The beginning of Volume 5, in my opinion was good. I liked the first five-six chapters, but when AU watched ‘Rest and Resolutions’ V5C7, I was so angry! Everything about the conversation between Ruby, Weiss, and Yang felt so out of character and out of place. It was so bad and the next episodes following that were not good either (only the raven v cinder fight was any good). The battle of Haven was a train wreck that I honestly have no idea how I even retained braincells after that. Like- why KEEP teasing Weiss v emerald if you aren’t going to do anything with it. Why tease Mercury v Yang if you’re not going to do anything new and interesting with the two (Mercury isn’t even a character anymore!)

4. I wish we got good rep. I really wish we didn’t get confirmation on LGBTQ+ characters from supplemental material (that’s not even canon). And I’ve gotta ask, why do you consider cannon? Cuz for me, the only things I consider actually CANNON to the storyline are the Red, White, Black, Yellow Trailers and the show itself (Grimm Eclipse just for the sake of more cool lore about Mountain Glenn and the fact of mutant Grimm). That’s it. I don’t consider the World of Remnants, manga (DC or otherwise, those were HORRIBLE!), anthologies, and the DISGUSTING novels.

(This is the last thing, I promise!)

5. I’m working on a quasi-rewrite RWBY fic and I didn’t know whether or not I should post the first chapter on my page or not. I just really don’t want the simps to come for my head (though it might happen anyway). But I’ve been writing this for about a year and a half now and I really want to post it but I’m so nervous about the reception and backlash. What do you think?

Thanks for answering me and indulging the fact that it’s okay to like something and still want it to be better (critics/the Rwde tag is my favorite because I can read opinions that I mused share but are too scared to put as a post).

Thanks, we picked Ironpines because we loved Ironwood and Oscar, and then our friends, being the good friends they are, immediately told us it was the ship name for them so now we can't have anything nice.

1) First off, yes, we absolutely think Jaune is an author's pet. We don't really go for self-insert anymore since everyone in RWBY was a self-insert, Monty clearly based them off his friends. But now, Jaune is absolutely an author's pet and has been since the start of the show.

Just look at Volume 1. Jaune literally had more of a storyline than Yang, one of the girls in the title. He then went on to have a dumb love triangle in V2, only to resolve it with Neptune without any input from Weiss, because why not, and then V3 was Jaune finally taking more of a step back for Pyrrha, who was long over due some character.

Until V4 where, rather than everyone mourning Pyrrha, we focused on Jaune mourning her instead. Nevermind that Pyrrha was Ren and Nora's teammate too, probably their only family since they're orphans, or how Ruby literally watched Pyrrha die in front of her. Nope, gotta focus on Jaune. Add that it stretches into V5 also, adding another storyline about his Semblance while Ren, Nora, and Ruby have to stand in the background and wait their turn, while Weiss literally loses all her braincells so she's injured for Jaune's development, how the confrontation with Cinder doesn't go to Ruby, the main protagonist, but Jaune.

Then we get that stupid statue scene in V6 that took over Oscar finally getting some development of his own. It's not even the whole team, because it's only Jaune that gets to meet the lady who totally isn't Pyrrha's mother, it's Jaune that gets the big teary moment, and how Ren and Nora have to stop and comfort Jaune because of course they have to.

I was glad that Jaune finally took a backseat in V7. I actually started to like him again, because he wasn't sucking screentime away from those who need it. But then V8 happened and now I want him dead.

I've said it countless times before so I don't wanna repeat myself, but Jaune is one of the last people that should've killed Penny. He shouldn't have killed her, he shouldn't have had the big tearful scene because another redhead died, he shouldn't have fallen into the void to join Team RWBY, but he did. Now there's no doubt in my mind that Jaune is a fucking author's pet, because the writers won't let him go into the background where he belongs.

2) There's not much to say about Team RWBY. They just suck now.

3) After watching V8, V5 is no longer my least favourite volume. That's how bad it was.

4) Yeah, RWBY's rep is absolute trash and it's because they keep putting it in supplemental material, and also because they look at the LGBT and only see L. The only MLM we have is Scarlet, and he's a catty fae gay stereotype that is so unlikeable and voiced by a creep. Nevermind the whole Fairgame queerbait controversy because this company can't stop themselves for five minutes.

5) I always say that, when you post work on the internet, whether its art of writing, you have to understand that you will get criticism back. It'll suck, especially when you've put so much time and effort into something, but that's the risk you have to take as a content creator.

The good thing is that AO3 has features that let you manage what you see properly. If people just want to hate without giving proper criticism, you can always remove it and ignore it, but I personally believe that people aren't entitled to criticism when it's only said nicely. Sometimes, people will get annoyed and say it in a meaner way, but that doesn't make the criticism any less valid.

Either way, decide based on how you think you'll react to it. If you don't want the stress of criticism, be careful, but if you think you can handle it? Then go for it, the world's your oyster.

#rwby #rwde #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #lie ren #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #anti jaune arc #answered #luke.txt

[evakuality]

Mia, episode five

1.  One thing Druck is super good at is these aesthetic shots.  This whole opening bit reminds me of the scene with Amira when she’s praying in her room.  Lots of beautiful shots of the room, curtains and stuff, which are just super pretty with a few hints of colour.  I dunno, this is just an aesthetic I like and I appreciate that Druck caters to me.  Mia is so cute, too!  Like both the way she looks and also how kind she is.  She still doesn’t really like Alex a lot (though you could see in that montage from the previous night that she’s warming up to him) but she still feels like she should leave things looking nice.  These little post-it notes are sort of cute too, and you can see that she thinks they’re sweet.  I don’t like this Bjorn though.

2.  Interesting that we get a clip specifically one week later.  I have no idea how that must have felt while this was live, and I’m really glad that I didn’t have to live through these long gaps in any of the things I did watch in real time.  This one was reasonably low key though, so maybe the wait wasn’t as agonising.  If you didn’t know who Bjorn is (I’m assuming the Niko character) then nothing in the last couple of clips would have felt all that alarming.  But Mia’s so flirty here - that one conversation at his house must have really charmed her.  Pity we didn’t really get to hear a lot of it because he still hasn’t charmed me!!  And actually that ‘show a montage of how things are going while a song and/or other conversation plays overtop’ is a huge thing Druck does, I think.  I feel like in some cases (Matteo and David after their first pool kiss moment, for example, or Hanna and Jonas breaking up) work quite well.  But here, I think we needed to hear more of Alex to actually believe that Mia would be this flirty with him.  For me, this is too big a turnaround from her very cold manner with him at the piano and an actual proper look at that conversation might have helped.  But also, I am super biased because William and so maybe a more reasonable person might like it okay.  This bit with Linn is weird.  Genuinely creepy, and I’m not sure why they’re setting her up to feel like this.  Maybe some sort of hint of the creepiness to come with Bjorn (I’m assuming it’s coming, anyway).

3.  I don’t get this bit with all the pictures at the school.  I assume it will become obvious later but I’m not sure what exactly they were trying to do with this.  You’d think they run the risk of having the whole Abi chaker clan thing shut down - if this happened in my school there’d be so much trouble.  A groups of kids once put post-its all over one teacher’s room and they got in SO much trouble for it, and that wasn’t obscene like this is.  This thing here seems so targeted at the Abi thing, using their plan specifically, that it feels like someone outside the group wants them not to be allowed to run their theme.  Or someone in the group who wants a different motto maybe.  I don’t know, but it feels very mean and very specifically directed at this group of people.

4.  Hmmm, I’m with Leonie on this one.  I’d be giving Carlos the super evil stare too.  It may be ‘funny’ to some of these people, but given that there are younger kids at this school (I assume, right?  They still have classes running for the smaller ones at the end of Matteo’s season, allowing their prank to go ahead) this is sure to go down really badly with the school itself.  I’m rolling my eyes at the ones who are outraged that the school is considering reporting it - what did they expect?  Also, surely they can figure out who was doing it - people were literally throwing handfuls of the pictures over the stairs.  Surely they could work out who it is.  It’s pretty clear that Alex still thinks this is funny and I’m losing patience with him.  Every time it seems like maybe he’s getting less gross he goes and acts like this again.  Bleh.  I’m not often rooting for Leonie and feeling for her, but wow today I really am.  This is shitty and she has a right to be angry.

5.  Ew, Alex, why are you stalking Mia again?  She’s made it pretty clear she’s not happy with you.  Turning up out of the blue like a creep isn’t a good way to go about winning her over again.  His ‘we were drunk, what can you do?’ is so... stupid???  They’ve lost money from this, the school is really angry, they could easily have some pretty bad consequences and he’s all ‘meh, it was a drunken prank’?  I know money isn’t an issue for him, but there are issues here beyond the money.  I’m also kind of annoyed that everyone keeps suggesting she’s upset because she’s jealous.  I’ll be really annoyed if the show carries on this way - this isn’t just a silly little prank, and people have every right to be angry and annoyed.  Diminishing it to jealousy isn’t cool.  Is Leonie also jealous?  The people who are angry and upset they’re being blamed and their money has been taken?

6.  I do love scenes where the whole girl squad is together.  They make me happy and I miss seeing them together so much.  But OMG, Alex is blackmailing Mia again????  I mean I guess it worked the first time so why wouldn’t he?  But this is seriously shitty behaviour.  Honestly, in clip one I was mildly starting to warm to him with the post-its and all, but he’s managed to speed run right back into ‘asshole’ category.  This was the problem in the og as well - William was such an asshole, that in order to make him likeable, we had to see a much more genuinely villainous character.  Alex is still super dislikeable and so we need someone ‘worse’ to make him look palatable, which I assume is coming.  We’re halfway through - we should like him by now.  I dunno.  Maybe some people do?  But he still has done nothing to make me think he’s nice or someone who Mia might be attracted to.

7.  Oh a long Friday clip?  Almost half the episode?  I guess it’s going to be a rough one for Mia then.  More reflections again - her whole face in the mirror now, but it’s surrounded by graffiti.  I’m always fascinated by the way mirrors and reflections work, and it’s fun to see Mia slightly obscured in her mirrors even now.  It’s not as disjointed as it was at the start but it’s not a fully clear reflection either.  I may not like the way Noora/Mia’s story goes but I do like some of these things which show the progress.

8.  I feel kind of sorry for Jonas, because that break up wasn’t his choice.  But seriously, he seems to be blaming this on Hanna a bit and like ????? He chose to make her feel small and unworthy through her whole season.  She’s allowed to try to figure herself out outside of him and his wants and needs.  Eh, I know he’s hurting and all, but that’s actually his issue and he shouldn’t be pushing it on her.

9.  This scene with Mia and Alex bothers me.  He still seems to have no idea why she might find his actions (selfish and self-serving and filled with blackmail) offputting.  ‘I fixed it, so we should totally be together now’ is such an immature and childish take on this.  These types of guys need to grow up and learn that they can’t just buy and/or coerce their way into whatever they want.  I like the way they decide to have Kiki walk past just as Mia has to choose whether to say she doesn’t want Alex or not.  It adds a poignancy to it and Mia obviously chooses to stick by her friends.  I do wish it felt more conflicting, like if Alex genuinely had changed or had shown he has depth or something it would be a bigger ‘wow she’s rejecting him for her friend’ but instead he’s still such an unpleasant character that I don’t care.

10.  I’m not sure why Mia does the brushing off of the makeup - I feel like it made more sense when Noora did it (I mean I watched it once a very long time ago so who knows, but my memory is that it was her way of trying to reject being ‘pretty’ and having guys liking her because it was messing her up).  With Mia, I don’t understand.  Someone help me out?

11.  I still don’t get what Mia sees in Alex.  Again, I know I have a really big bias against him because of William and I know it was always going to be tough for him to be someone I care about.  But even so, this feels like a huge whiplash when she says of course she likes him.  I’d get it if we’d seen any of his development, but every time he took a mini step forward he shoved himself right back into dislikeable territory.  Once again, I mourn the actual conversation between Mia and Alex.  This all feels far too fast, and the fact that this is suggesting his blackmail is all good is very worrying.  All the post-it notes in the world can’t make me think he’s nice enough to want to kiss.

Overall, I didn’t really like this one.  I feel like the pacing is still off; I don’t believe the speed at which Mia has fallen for him and honestly it hasn’t been very long since Kiki was with Alex and had her heart broken.  The fact that Mia even saw her and told him she doesn’t like him only to turn around immediately and change her mind is strange to me.  Mia has always come across as a caring person who tries to do the right thing and help out her friends.  That she has apparently no qualms at this point is difficult for me.  They’re acting the hell out of this, but I can’t buy it.  Unfortunately.  Sadly, because this is based on a very flawed original, I don’t think it’s going to make me enjoy these two.  There are things that I’m interested in seeing as we go forward but most of those have zero to do with Alex.

#druck #mia - episode 5 #didn't like this one #update on feelings about Alex - still don't like him #honestly I don't see why Mia goes after him #none of this makes sense to me

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Welcome Home, Kauri

@gottalovethemwriters (won’t let me tag you!) requested:  I know Kauri said he’d be there when Jake wakes up but could we have a drabble or snippet -or whatever you want, honestly- where Kauri wakes up and has to convince himself it’s okay to stay? please?

CW: Domestic abuse survivor navigating trust and relationships, some trauma response, PTSD references, referenced consensual spice

Jake is still asleep when Kauri slides out of bed.

After years of finding his way into apartments and bedrooms and basements next to a series of men he can barely remember, whose names slip off his tongue like oil or stick like ash or just don’t stay at all, Kauri is an expert at getting out of bed without waking the other people in it up.

He inches along the cool sheets and he doesn’t allow himself to look back until he’s out, pulling on his pants from the night before, tossed haphazardly with laughter. There’s an ache in him, sweet and slight, the stretched muscles of a night spent moving, laughing, arching his back and wrapping his legs around Jake’s waist, hands on either side of the other man’s face. His fingers twitch at the memory of Jake’s stubble scratchy against his palms, his cheek, his lips.

He can still hear it, still feel Jake’s hands sliding along the outsides of his thighs, shifting up to his hips, murmuring things in his ear in that low, deep voice that the really tall guys get sometimes.

He looks back, once his pants are on. 

He gives himself a moment to love the ache, and mourn walking away from the promise he knows neither of them can keep.

Jake sleeps on his side, sprawled in the bed - king size, the one thing he told Kauri he couldn’t say no to when it was his own house, because he was six-foot-three and slept with his feet hanging off the edge of a bed his whole life since he was thirteen and he didn’t have to do that anymore, so he wasn’t about to - and the stress around his eyes and mouth drops away when he sleeps. Mussed-up blond hair and the line of his jaw catch Kauri’s breath in his throat.

The sight makes him forget, briefly, why he’s out of the bed at all.

I won’t be gone when you wake up.

He remembers.

“Sorry,” He whispers, too low-pitched to ever wake Jake up. He told Jake not to trust him - he’s told him a hundred times. Kauri can’t be trusted, he’s running from something inside of himself, and you can’t outrun your own emptiness. It follows you through every bus stop, every bad night spent sleeping on a bathroom floor or a park bench. It finds him through all the drinks and all the times he’s let himself be pushed up against the wall and taken, rough, and left limping to find the next direction to run.

He can’t run far enough to get away from this.

And Jake should have known better than to believe Kauri would be here, like he said. Everyone should know better than to believe Kauri’s promises.

He doesn’t believe them himself.

It’s with a burst of anxiety that he slides on his shirt, scratching lightly at the inside of his left wrist, digging into scars he wants to cover up with ink someday, maybe, but just… just can’t bring himself to do it. He’s had to hold still for too many needles, in his life. 

Jake breathes, heavy and solid, and there’s a gravitational pull to that breathing, to the promise that if he gets back in bed, Jake will shift, and lay his arm over Kauri’s waist, pull him close, and that deep breath would shift the hair on the back of Kauri’s neck and send shivers down his spine. Kauri feels like he could circle Jake’s light.

It would be safe, wouldn’t it?

He could be safe, here.

But he’ll just hurt everyone, in the end, when the ugly inside of him finds its way out. If he doesn’t stay, that means he’s never here long enough to let his guard down, and they’ll never see him long enough to see what happens if he does.

If he doesn’t stay, Jake won’t see the emptiness inside him, the white light and cold walls and 162 tiles and roses and champagne and you’re so fucking lucky anyone ever loved you that chase him, and chase him, and never stop.

Anxiety turns to fear, bald-faced and laid hideously bare in the early morning pinkish-light cutting through the blinds, as Kauri turns the doorknob slowly, silently, and slips out of the room. He’s a coward for not trying to stay.

He’s exhausted by running.

He can’t stop.

He pads barefoot down the hallway, shoulders hunched. Antoni sleeps in this room, he thinks, letting his fingers graze over the roughened texture of the old wood, to the smooth frame around the door. If he knocked on the door, Antoni would wake up and let him in, and help him remember how to stay.

He doesn’t knock. He keeps moving.

The floor would creak, but Kauri knows how to avoid all the noisy spots. He’s done this a hundred times, two hundred, a thousand. Stay with someone, get up while they’re sleeping, sneak out the front door, and be gone before they wake up.

No one has to miss him.

No one ever does.

Right?

His backpack waits, next to his shoes, and he slides it on over his shoulders, humming in a half-whisper to Keira’s murmured greeting from inside. She’s all he really needs. She’s not dangerous, she won’t lock the doors, she won’t depend on him in ways he can’t possibly reciprocate. 

He can’t be trusted, and Keira knows that. She’s been with him through every step, since Owen brought her home the first time in her big awkward box, since he named her, since the night Owen nearly killed him and broke her in ways that let her thoughts expand in ways they never could before. 

Breakfast locations near me? Keira asks in her faintly metallic, feminine voice, muffled from inside the backpack. 

“No,” Kauri whispers. “No breakfast. Let’s just go.”

Sensors indicate Kauri negative emotion feeling. Kauri reassurance require?

He moves out the door, sets the lock so it will click into place behind him, and closes the door. For a moment, he just stares straight ahead, at the nice little street, the sweet little neighborhood, the world that Jake lives in that is so far removed from what Kauri’s life has been. Run-down houses with cared-for yards, tricycles left out on sidewalks and in driveways, chalk drawings littering the world around him.

He hops down the stairs and starts walking. 

“No,” Kauri repeats.

Kauri reassurance require. Keira’s voice is firm. Keira reassurance provide. Kauri good.

“Kauri’s not good.”

Kauri good.

“I told him I’d stay and I’m leaving. He should have known better than to believe me.” The sky is blue only around the edges, and mostly dark still overhead. He can see the last stars as the light of the sun begins to slowly overcome the colder, smaller light they send. He remembers, vaguely, that stars are photographs of already-dead things, sometimes.

He’s a photograph of a dead man, too.

“It is common for survivors of long-term domestic abuse to be afraid to enter into new relationships”-

“Don’t fucking quote Triumph at me again,” Kauri snaps, and then feels guilt, nauseous and heavy. “I’m sorry, Keira. I just-”

Want to go back.

He ignores her, now, and walks faster away from the house, from Jake, from the promise of safety he has never been able to trust. There isn’t anything safe about staying in one place, giving yourself up to be hurt again. There isn’t anything safe about staying.

“I told him. I told him not to trust me. I told him. I said you can’t, you can’t trust me to stay, you can never trust me to stay I won’t stay. I’ll run, I always run, because I can’t-... I can’t do anything else. He knows that, I told him I can’t stay.”

But he’d promised to try, the night before, weeks ago, he keeps promising to try and letting people down. That’s what he’s good at, after all. Letting people down.

Running when they want him to stay.

Disappearing when they need someone to rely on.

Sleeping on park benches just to prove a point, to himself if no one else, or to Owen, who he hasn’t seen in years and won’t ever have to see again, right? But still he wants to show Owen that he doesn’t have to stay in one place, that he can keep running and running and if he just keeps running, Owen won’t ever hunt him down, not even inside his own mind.

One block becomes two, and then three. A few hundred feet becomes a quarter-mile, and then half. He stops at a bus stop, standing a few feet away from the little covered shelter area, where a tired-looking older woman is already sitting with a thermos of coffee and a small service dog in a vest lying calmly at her feet. If she looks at Kauri, he doesn’t look back at her.

Just another young man running from whatever he’d done the night before, wearing the clothes he was wearing then, with his hair mussed and sticking out or pushed down. Just another dumbass who partied too hard and lived to regret it, right?

I want to stay, Kauri remembers himself saying, and closes his eyes against the hot rush of tears that hits, unbidden, unwanted. He’d said that. He’d told Jake he wanted to stay, and it was true, but if he stays they’ll see how little there is inside of him. How carved-out he is, how empty.

Bus arrival approximately nine minutes from now, Keira says from inside the backpack. The woman sitting in the bus shelter looks over at him and raises her eyebrow.

“Fitbit,” Kauri says automatically, and she makes a noise that could mean bullshit or could mean she believes him, and goes back to drinking her coffee.

He thinks again of Jake sleeping, sprawled out, long limbs and muscled shoulders. The way his face has changed, as Kauri has known him, losing the last vestiges of roundness from being young and gone more angular. The line of his jaw has sharpened with time, just like Kauri’s.

He doesn’t realize he’s lifted his own hand to his face, feeling the spot where jaw and neck meet, the flutter of his pulse underneath it.

Last night he had felt Jake’s heart beating fast, pressed a palm over it, pressed his ear there just to listen.

Kauri heartrate accelerate, Keira provides helpfully.

“Shut up,” He mutters.

The woman doesn’t look over this time. Probably safer to ignore the guy talking to his Fitbit first thing in the morning, right?

Kauri stands there, minutes ticking by, and just as he sees the bus turning the corner at the end of the block, he shifts just enough of his weight from one foot to another to feel the ache inside him, as much emotional as physical. The ache of a night spent with someone who would rather die than hurt him, a night spent wrapped in arms that would - could - keep him safe.

The ache of a loneliness Kauri is tired of carrying, the rock he wants to put down more than anything on earth.

He turns and starts to walk away, listening to the rumbling engine as the bus pulls up to the stop, but he doesn’t go back and climb on. It would be old habit, to curl up in one of the seats ignoring mysterious stains and close his eyes, try to catch a little more sleep, before he gets out a few stops from now.

It’s easy to keep living the way he’s been living.

It’s harder to make the choice to stop.

Kauri heartrate accelerate.

“I know,” He whispers. His steps go faster, and faster, and then walking turns to running, his backpack smacking into his lower back. He ignores the flare of the ache inside him - or rather he holds onto it as tightly as he can, to the memory of laughing and lips on his neck and someone who wanted to look him right in the eyes the whole time because someone needs to show you you’re gorgeous, you never believe me when I tell you, I have to show you I never want to look away.

The slap of his shoes on the pavement is familiar but it’s not, too, it’s entirely new.

Kauri has been running from the tiny white room inside his mind, from hands around his neck, from a love that wasn’t, for too many years. He knows how to run from things, it’s a pattern he carries deep inside him.

What’s new isn’t the running - it’s that he’s not running away this time.

What’s new isn’t the movement of muscles, the soft sound of his jeans, the wind in his hair drying the tears in his eyes. What’s new isn’t a half-mile becoming a quarter-mile becoming a few blocks becoming one more turn around a corner and then a couple more blocks-

What’s new is the man he can see waiting for him, on the lawn, when he turns. Small as a finger, from the distance, but that doesn’t matter. Small in the distance, large in his mind, under his hands, in his heart.

Kauri stumbles to a stop, catching his breath, staring. 

At the end of two blocks, Jake is sitting out on a lawn chair in front of his house, and there’s another chair next to him, and it hits Kauri like a brick to the back that the extra chair is for him.

“I want to stay,” Kauri whispers, lips barely moving to form the words.

Kauri good, Keira says. Kauri good. Kauri good. 

“Go home,” Kauri tells himself. For a moment, a horrible awful dizzy second, his feet don’t move. “Go home, Kauri. Go home.”

Kauri go home, Keira supplies.

He starts running again. 

Jake looks up when Kauri comes to a breathless stop in front of him. He’s still wrecked from sleep, his hair looks ridiculous, and his blue eyes are sparkling as he gestures to the chair. He’s wearing a loose pair of sweatpants and a red t-shirt, and he’s never looked better, in Kauri’s eyes, than he does sleep-shadowed and touched by early morning sun. 

“H-hey.” Kauri’s voice is breathless.

“Hey,” Jake answers, sipping his coffee from a deep blue mug he bought a few weeks ago, at a farmer’s market. Kauri was with him. Kauri picked out the mug.

There’s another one, pale with milk and sugar how Kauri likes it, settled on the sidewalk in front of the second chair.

“Door’s open,” Jake says, voice low, deep and soft. He doesn’t ask Kauri why he tried to run, or why he stopped, what brought him back. “I made coffee for you.”

“You… you were awake when I left.”

“Yeah.” Jake gives him a slight smile. “I told you - I’ll never stop you when you have to go.”

“But?” Say it again. Say what you said last night. Please, please, please say it again.

“But,” Jake says, and holds out his free hand, “The door will always be unlocked, for you, Kauri. I’ll always be waiting to let you back in.”

Kauri takes Jake’s hand in his, his long, thin fingers interlacing with Jake’s. He slides the backpack off his shoulder, lets it fall, gently to protect Keira inside, to the ground. Kauri good, Keira says, voice a little hushed. If she were human, it might be a whisper. Jakob Stanton reassurance provide. Kauri good.

“Kauri good,” Jake agrees, and Kauri moves to him like falling into orbit around a sun. “She’s right. You’re good, Kaur. You’ve always been good.”

“How did you know I’d come back?” 

“I didn’t.” Jake grins, flashes slightly crooked teeth, evidence of a childhood where money for braces was never an option. His nose is a little crooked, too, evidence of having it broken more than once. It’s all a part of him, and it’s all perfect. “I hoped, but… mostly, I just didn’t mind risking looking like a fucking idiot out here in two lawn chairs by myself, for you.”

Kauri laughs, and the tears in his eyes are part of the laughter now, as Jake sets down his mug to pull him close, arms around his waist, resting his head against Kauri, cheek pressed to his stomach. 

Kauri heartrate accelerate. Kauri go home.

“Kauri go home,” Kauri repeats, placing his hand on top of Jake’s head, running fingers through the mussed-up blond, sliding his palm down to cup the back of his head, fingers just brushing the nape of Jake’s neck. “That’s what I did.”

“Welcome home,” Jake says, eyes closed. “Welcome home, Kauri.”

“Welcome home, me,” Kauri whispers. Fear shivers over his skin, the hint of a memory of hands around his neck, locked doors, and pain. He lets it happen, doesn’t run from the memory this time, doesn’t try to chase it off. Just... lets it be there, and then feels the fear fade under the determination he’s made to stop running. “Welcome... welcome home.”

“Right. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold and ruins my big romantic gesture.”

Kauri laughs loud enough to start a dog barking halfway down the block.

---

Tagging Kauri’s crew:  @maybeawhumpblog, @pepperonyscience, @haro-whumps, @18-toe-beans, @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @giggly-evil-puppy, @whimpers-and-whumpers, @moose-teeth, @whump-it, @lumpofwhump, @pumpkinthefangirl, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly

#erase to control #fluff #hurt/comfort #all comfort no hurt #ptsd references #abuse survivor tw #survivor navigating trust #relationships after abuse #future kauri #jake the shelter guy #referenced consensual spice #original fiction

[hellisheuphoria]

No Place To Go: Chapter One.

The soloution to ending your own suffering may be the one thing you may fear the most.

[Warning! This story includes extremely triggering topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and self harm so please read at your own risk. Thank you <3]

There is often nothing better than the thought of ending your own suffering. This thought often occurs when you have injured yourself. Like when you have broken a bone, or stubbed your own toe. Or when you’ve got a toothache.

There’s always someone there to help you, to relieve you of your pain. Like a dentist, or a doctor. When you’ve hurt yourself, you know there’s always someone you can turn to. They’re there in your mind, you can’t forget them.

”But why, why does it hurt to breathe?” You ask yourself, laying alone in your dark room. It was bedtime a long time ago, the entire house stood still and unmoving, and nothing could be heard.

You weren’t sure for how long you were in your room. It was completely and fully dark, with no traces of light.

You were still and motionless, much like a dormant marionette. The strings that held you together and made you move were dead and void of any life.

If only you could just sleep. You would kill someone to sleep. Maybe you could ask Solomon to aid you with a sleeping spell, or you could ask Lucifer if they sold any medicine in the Devildom.

You couldn’t feel anything. You were numb, you were dead. There was nothing to keep you grounded. Not even the demon brothers.

You were used to this, though. You’d been like this since you were younger. There was nothing in life that made it worth living for you, and perhaps you were only here, alive and breathing, for the sake of not letting those around you to feel hurt- to feel the same way you did before you would be gone.

You were no Lilith. You didn’t have any strong sense “to stay alive”. If you were in her shoes as she was dying, you wouldn’t have wanted to continue your meaningless existence.

She was admirable, and you were not. They all loved her, you know they do. Honestly, they still do. You can see it when they speak to you, happy and excited.

It’s so easy to forge a lie. It was your innate ability to speak anything but the truth, to look like anything but the truth. It was a very handy talent in the recent years of your life.

And so you would lie to them. You would “share” their happiness with them, when in reality, you just wanted to walk away and not look back. Or go sleep in your room, with the door locked. You wanted anything but to be close to somebody.

You didn’t want to feel the sense of ‘belonging’. Nothing could ever sweeten the painful continuance of your life. Not even by a little bit.

“What would happen to those who’d killed themselves?”, you pondered. You were quite literally in Hell, and could find nothing but demons as the only residents of this place.

If you’d killed yourself here, would you just come back? Would you cease to exist? Would you end up back in the human world? Or would you become a demon?

After all, it was practically a universal rule that those who died by their own hand would have committed a great sin by ending their own lives.

You were far from innocent, anyways. From what you could recall, harming yourself was another sin on the list, and there was plenty of evidence on your body to show that, such as your arms.

The blood had dried long ago, the red deepening and turning into a reddish-brown, signifying that it had started the healing process. The cuts lay jagged and messily over your arms, extending up to your elbow.

You were nothing but ashamed. Why should you care? Any sort of embarrassment you may have once felt had dried out long ago, and there was nothing but an empty shell of what you used to be in its place.

You wanted anything but to exist. So you’d hoped that if you- when you’d kill yourself, you would no longer be here, not even your soul should be left behind. It was useless for anyone, anyways.

You had it all planned out. Sometime, sooner or later, you would kill yourself. Maybe in a few days or a week. Perhaps you could drown yourself in Asmo’s bathtub, or provoke a gang of demons so they would kill you.

Nobody would miss you. They should have been used to it, by now. You were human. Your lifespan was only a blip in their radar, and they were once angels who’d dealt with people that once lived, and after death would be reverted back to their ‘true’ form, such as a soul.

You wouldn’t be missed. Your family would forget as fast as they mourned, and the demon brothers would live for thousands of years after your death, be it either from your own hand or other causes.

So why should you hesitate to die prematurely?

Death wasn’t a touchy subject for them. For Lilith, that is another case. But in general, they were unbothered. They constantly threatened with death threats to even their own brethren, and at one point you had been murdered by one of them.

Oh, how you missed the feeling of being nonexistent, feeling like you were permanently hovering in the empty space as though you were underwater. It was calm and soothing, up until the point where Lilith sent you back in time to witness the death of yourself from not too long ago, as the one who’d killed you laughed, cackling in sadistic pleasure as your flame died, snuffed and gasping for air to sustain it.

Belphegor. You would thank him a million times for allowing you to finally feel a sort of serenity that you had been craving your entire life, yet too scared to try.

He was your saviour, in a way, and you wished he would do it again. That he would hurt you, harm you, make you bleed- anything to fasten the process in which would allow you to return to the state of tranquility and serenity that you craved so much.

There was nothing for you here. Nothing in life was permanent.

You felt yourself getting sleepier, your eyes dropping and your body shifting further into your mattress. At least, this was the closest you could get to death before you would die by your own hand.

You then fell from this overbearing world and crashed into a state of nothing.

———————————————————————

You woke up to the sound of rapid banging on your door, and voices shouting from the other side- namely, Mammon.

“Hey, human!” He yelled, almost loud enough to shake the house. “Are ya getting ready for school or not?!”

You groaned, pulling a hand up to your face and dragging it, feeling the panic rise up in your chest already. “I- yeah, I’ll be ready soon. You don’t have to wait up for me.”

“What do you mean not wait? You could get attacked! And you sound sick- MC, open the door! I’m coming in!”

You flinched at the sudden high volume of his voice, and immediately looked down to see yourself wearing a tank top, baring the sin on your arm fully.

You yelled back just as he turned the doorknob, “No! Mammon, stay out there! I’m not decent!”

You heard the door knob twist back and Mammon hurriedly stumble back, almost tripping on his own shoes as he fell, rear first, on the floor.

“O-oh! I’ll just wait for you by the d-door, then! Hurry up, though! The great Mammon doesn’t have time to be waiting for humans!” He nervously exclaimed, then scurried to the entrance.

“I know you don’t.” You mumbled to yourself, while throwing off your pajamas and tslippjng on your uniform, not caring for your hair or teeth. You could always brush them later.

You tried making an effort to at least look decent, but failed, and so you settled for your “out of bed look”, which you’d been ‘proudly’ exhibiting everyday, not having any shame.

You walked over to the entrance where Mammon had been waiting and put on your shoes, exhausted to deal with the day ahead.

“Hey, MC..” Mammon trailed off, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Are you okay?”

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me lilith #obey me angst #obey me rad #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me chapter 16

[bippityboppitybibuck]

hey, yeah, what the FUCK happened this episode. i've been trying to follow along with the live blogs and its honestly just chaos

Hey anon!!!

Okay so a lot happened and a lot didn’t. And that was the problem, I’ve not been in the fandom long and honestly until about two months ago I had never heard the term bucklemming (and until two hours ago I didn't know it was two people).

However, the fandom has a long-standing issue with them because of pacing issues in their episodes and OOC writing (ie jack not giving two shits that Cas was still in the empty despite knowing about the deal and what would have happened to get him taken by it) and their absolute love of Lucifer.

So quick run down of plot, (apologies this did not stay as short as i planned)

Everyone in the world is dead, Dean tells Sam and Jack that Cas is gone and there are literally no questions asked, they go back to the bunker and a couple days have passed, Dean passes out surrounded by booze but that's pretty much all the mourning we see him do

They follow jacks ‘i feel an energy’ thing to a church but first they make a pit stop at a gas station where Dean finds a dog; Chuck then immediately kills the dog once Dean is all excited that something else survived with them

They go to the church and see Michael who tells them that Adam died in the rapture (yes what chuck did was the rapture) they head back to the bunker and Dean gets a call from Cas but its actually Lucifer at the door and he's here to fuck shit up but wait maybe he’s here to help, he pops a reaper into the bunker (her names betty) and then kills her immediately and she becomes the new death (because the first reaper to die after Death is killed takes over (which seems like a bad system considering decades might go by before a reaper is killed after a death dies but alas) no one questions what happened to all the other reapers by the way but that's not currently relevant) 

Because only death can read the death books betty starts reading chucks and after a few sentences luci kills her (rip betty 2020) luci reveals that he wasn't on their side (shocker there folks) and he and Michael duke it out, Luci dies (thankfully) and Sam starts to translate the book because not only is death the only one who can read the book but they are the only ones who can OPEN the book to meaning that the book had been sealed this whole time

Sam works out a spell and its ingredients and they (the three of them and Michael) go to the literal same place they burned Cas’ body in 13x01 because why not (btw this is not ever addressed) and set the spell up but it doesn't work

Chuck shows up and kills Michael for consorting with dean sam and jack (even tho he was still working for chuck and trying to do right by his father) and proceeds to beat the fucking shit out of dean and sam, they refuse to give in and keep standing up (on several broken limbs might i add) this goes on so long it feels like when luci was beating dean to a pulp in swan song. 

Finally they confuse chuck enough to make him turn around and jack is up and looking like he wants to fuck shit up. he ends up doing the same move to chuck as he did Michael while he was possessing rowena in s14 and chuck collapses

Dean responds to chucks comment about being a killing machine by saying “no I'm not” which we all think is a call back to Cas’ speech before he died. 

The heroes explain that jack had become a power vacuum (actual dialogue) (remember the flowers jack killed in the silo?) and that over these past days he's been absorbing the power that is let off by things, ie, luci and Michael fighting, the plants and flowers, chuck pummeling dean and sam (bc why rip off just infinity war when you can rip off the entire lore behind the black panther suit/ vibranium too)  

Chuck is left powerless after this and dean sam and jack drive off as a now human chuck essentially grovels on the ground. they head into town and jack brings back everyone who was killed by god in the previous episode and then gives a really weird speech that confirms that he is in fact the new god (and that amara is now in him and they are in harmony) but says he's gonna be hands off and legit just glows a bunch and disappears. 

Dean and sam go back to the bunker and realize they don't have to worry about chucks control on them, we get a like four min montage of the entire show and then they literally drive off into the sunset.  

some important notes, Cas was not brought back to life despite it being stated clearly in the episode that god has the power to bring angels back from the empty, no one even asks jack to do it and jack doesnt do it on his own

there is no mention of Bobby Donna Charlie Eileen or anyone else that was killed in 15x18

Sam never asks dean about cas, having apparently gotten all the info he needed in the sentence ‘cas is gone, the empty took him’ 

honestly the only plot thread wrapped in this ep was god’s and while that might seem big its not really enough like the episode was lacking in a lot of areas

Its been said that Bucklemming hates both Cas and Misha, and that they are literally obsessed with bibro (loving sam and dean equally- a fan made term to stop the sam girls and dean girls from fighting i think) and that they are really really into the whole ‘the show is about two brothers and the open road’ which the show hasn't been about since maybe season two or three 

I'm not sure if you can tell from my synopsis (Again sorry it got so long) that a lot of the characters seemed off, Jack not caring that Cas was still dead, Dean not mourning, sam not giving two shits either way, sam not caring to check in on eileen, neither of them checking in with their hunter friends, Michael switching back over to chucks side despite his actions in 15x09, the fact that no one mentioned the plot holes in the ep (by that i mean within the episode no one had questions about the things that didn't fit, like Michael never questioned how a book that could only be read by death was being decoded by Sam)

overall the episode was bad, objectively, not from a destiel shipper standpoint bad. there are many ideas floating around about 15x20 considering this episode really felt like the end of spn, people are mentioning that the relationship arcs are unfinished and that Dabb (whos writing the next one and who has written many of the quinticential destiel episodes) will save the day. Im holding out hope that 15x20 will be better (which should be too hard to achieve after that shit show) 

I'm sorry if this is a mess I'm a bit all over the place but I wanted to make sure you got even a partial answer

#anon #anon ask #anon answered #destiel #15x19 #15x20 #supernatural spoilers #supernatural spoiler #spn spoilers #spn spoiler #15x19 spoilers #spn speculation #supernatual speculation

[nowheretobefound101]

I Will Find You

A one-shot story dedicated to humanity who suffers fear and pure sadness because of the unacceptable truth about death.

I know how you admire this place so much. A place where you always pick up your fresh daisies and collect it in your handwoven basket. This flower field of yours is where our story began and I still remember the scent of freshly picked flowers all over your dress and hair, and also, your signature smile that never fails to enlighten my days after it.

Right now, at this moment, you give me this nostalgia just like back in the day I first met you.

I was just roaming around in this unfamiliar place until I got lost in the middle of your flower field. I am just moved in at my grandparents' house at that time, and I decided to sneak out of the house for a while to find out if something is amusing in this place. I continue strolling around until I saw you, gracefully sitting on the ground filled with daisies, sweetly humming a calm melody, and your hair flows smoothly with the air that also gave off its a vivid color like it kisses the sun.

I silently walked towards you and crouched in front of you. As you opened your eyes, I saw a great shocked in your face.

"AHHH!! WHO ARE YOU!? DON'T MAKE A MOVE." You screamed as if I will gonna rob you.

"Ohh, My bad for scaring you, I'm lost." I said.

"Your name's lost? I think your parents' had a bad taste." She giggled as she fixed her dress.

"No, I... I mean, I am literally 'lost',and Jack is my name!" I corrected.

"I'm just kidding! By the way, I'm Elsa. I see that your are the newcomer that your grandma told me for a couple of days ago." She said.

"Okay, so my grandma never runs out of stories to tell huh. But, please, I just want to go home right now 'cuz I just sneaked out in fixing my stuffs."

"So someone's getting trouble later!" She teased.

"C'mon, just help me!" I pleaded.

"Calm down you sneaky ones, I'll help you, okay, but first, help me to pick these daisies for your grandma. And yeah, if you wanted a place for yourself you can just freely visit my flower field."

"Thank you for your warm welcoming, Elsa." I said.

After we picked up those daisies for my grandma, she guided and walked me home. I never imagine that my grandparents are really closed to her. I thought that they'll gonna sermon me, instead, they were both glad and shocked that I already known Elsa.

And also, I found out where my grandma, who is so fond of daisies, came from.

Every afternoon, we are always staying on our spot in your flower field. We eat, laugh, tell some stories, collect some flowers to be sold on the market, music jamming, and even ending up taking a nice nap wherein sometimes, grandma will gonna wake us up if she minded to visit the place.

Days... Months... To years. Two people who begin and meet up as strangers, and now, I can't believe that you are my fiance.

But, Is this a right choice?

I keep regretting myself, every day along with our joys and love, not telling you the real reason why I moved with my grandparents. You only knew that I moved because I don't have parents anymore. I also told my grandparents for a long time ago to keep my secret hidden from the world I know.

I agreed to live for the rest of my years with my grandparents, hide until it ended because of my terrible fate, yet, everything changes until you came into my hopeless life. It is all coincidental and you never failed to enlighten me. Honestly, I failed too many times in love but you are something unique and special that I've never seen to anyone.

You are the only one who enlightened my hopeless heart and soul.

And the day I feared came as I passed out in the middle of the fields while we are happily collecting some daisies. That moment, my sight slowly turns blurry and I can't even feel my body anymore. As I fell through the grounds, I saw the daisies burst out in the mid-air, suddenly, I heard your voice repeatedly calling my name... calling some help, until everything went pitch black.

As I woke up, I feel so weak, I am not even aware of what day it is, and I am just catching up on my breath. I tried to look around and I saw you, sitting beside my bed and sleeping as your head placed to your arms down to my bed, I want to call your name, but, I really can't. Luckily, you noticed me awake as you feel me moved my hands to yours. You quickly stand up and sit in front of me, you planned to call my grandparents but I stopped you because I want to let you know all my regrets before my time ends.

"Elsa, I am begging you, just listen to me."

"What is it Jack, I'm here and I can hear you." I see into your eyes how worried you are and feel it on how you pressed my hands.

"I am sorry if I'd never confessed to you about this unknown disease that makes me weaker every single day. I moved to my grandparents to hide my terrible and undesirable fate to all as I wanted to shut myself out from anyone. Yet, you came into my life. I don't blame it okay, honestly, I am glad that I met you. I know from the start that I can't keep this from you forever but I just don't want to see you and my grandparents burden the pains when I left. I'm so sorry, Elsa. I am really sorry."

"Hush, my darling and just take a deep breath. I knew it already, as I observed how clumsy you are, as to how you see the world around you, as to how those medicines were in your pockets... I knew it already, Jack. When you were carried here by our fellow villagers, your grandparents also talked to me about this and on how you shut yourself so you can't see anyone suffers. Jack, I am also glad that you are the only person who showed me the beauty of falling in love, you also gave colors to my world, and you also enlighten me to appreciate the world. You had done nothing wrong." She confessed.

"If this is the time for you to take your rest... It's okay, Jack. Don't worry too much about us." She added.

"Uhm... Elsa... Ca... Can I ask you something?" I weakly said to her. I am trying my best to catch up on some air as I still can.

"What is it?" She answered.

" I know we can't stop the time, dear. I'm sincerely sorry, but, I... I just wish to see you, smiling in front of me for the last time because this is the only thing, my last memorabilia of you, that I can take for my departure. I... I know it's hard for you to--"

You stopped me as you placed your hands on my cheeks and rubbing my tears that flow in my face. I weakly smiled at you as I felt the your gentle hands for the last time.

"I'll smile for you even you don't request it from me." She answered.

As she smiled, she can't control herself from her overflowing emotions of pain and sadness as I see her cry at the same time.

I see my grandparents for the last time trying to not interrupting us. They are just silently standing, and peeking and listening through a small gap in the door. She didn't notice them as she continuously cries out.

"It's okay to cry, Elsa." I said. I just hope that I can wipe her tears back. "Thank you for making me happy within my limited time. I'm sorry if I need to leave you so suddenly. I love you as I will be waiting for you in our next lives." I smiled, yet, everything surrounds me faded little-by-little.

"I love you 'till we meet again. Sleep now, Jack." And this is the last thing I heard.

Elsa cried so hard after I left and my grandparents open the door and approach her. Then, the room is just filled with their mourns and tears around my dead body.

Days turn to weeks that passed away quickly... I can't even tell you that my soul is still wandering around in this world because I was told to finish my last mission.

From the first, it made my mind discombobulated until I see your name flash within my memory.

"You are my last mission." I told to myself.

Even though you can't see, feel, or hear me anymore, I can still able to guide you throughout your sufferings. My soul's still alive to finish my last mission because you are still believing in me.

But history repeats itself, and now, I see myself to you who shut yourself to everyone. I can only sense your agonies, fears, and sadness all over the room. My grandparents always checked you in your home, yet, you always said that "You're fine. Just leave me alone."

What should I do? I want to accomplish this mission, but how?

I remembered that you have a sister who lives in the near village with her husband. I tried to find her, however, I still don't know what will should I do.

When night came, I planned if I can able to write and luckily I have enough strength as a soul to do it. While your sister and her husband sleeping, I tried to write a short letter that I hope it may help you.

Days later, your sister saw your letter and visit you again. She opens and enters your cabin, removed and placed her winter coat into the rack behind the door, and she goes straight to your room.

She knocks on your door but you didn't answered. She called,

"Elsa, please I know you're in there

People are asking where you've been

They say, 'have courage' and I'm trying to,

I'm right out here for you

Just let me in."

But still, you have no response.

Anna calls you for another time,

" We only have each other

It's just you and me

What are we gonna do?"

And you suddenly opened your door and let your sister enter. Both of you stand beside your window that is full of daisies. You still don't make any response and Anna seems so worried about you. But, as the moment you pick up a daisy, Anna blurted out in her soft comforting voice, "Do you want to build a snowman?" After you hear it out clearly, you cried out in front of her.

I see, You made to let out your emotions again after I left at the beginning of winter.

Tears just suddenly flow down from your eyes and your sister continues to comfort you.

"Elsa, shutting yourself and burdening it by yourself is not what Jack wanted for you right? Yesterday, I found a piece of paper hidden in our picture. Do you wanna read it. Here, take this." Anna slipped out a paper and held it to Elsa.

Elsa read it loudly that the two of them can hear...

"Love can heal a frozen heart. Both of your hearts were like your daisies: Pure, innocent, and there it lies your true love. If you had read this, remember that when you feel lost through your darkness, let your daisies enlighten you towards your true love.

P.S. I will get mad if you forget how to smile :)

Anna, protect her from me okay. I'm sorry if I can't give you some chocolates this time."

"Jack's really full of fun and suprises." Elsa giggles.

"Finally, you smiled again, I hope he can see you smile like that again." Anna frankly said.

"C'mon, I know that whenever he is, he always gonna see this smile of mine." Elsa said.

"So, do you want to build a snowman, the flower fields seems to be filled up with snow." Anna joyfully asked.

"If you insisted. Thank you, Anna." And she hugged her sister so tight and Anna also hugged her back.

Anna suddenly holds Elsa's hand and rushed out because of her excitement, they run straight to the fields and dive mountains mountain of snow.

I watched you played with your sister and build a snowman, I also tried to join your fun the last time. So, I scoop a pile of snow and form some snowballs. At first, I hit you, and it was so fun that you blame Anna just like before when I still have my body. Then, I hit your sister next that makes her revenge and rained you with her snowballs.

Finally, you set me free and I also set you free.

I know you can sense me even you can't see me anymore...

For the last time, I just wanna say thank you for believing in me for no matter what reasons, and, for now, before I take step to eternity, I want you to know that I promised myself that you are the only person I'll find and love you again through our next lives, see you soon.

"I will also find you, Jack. You are the only man that I will love again in our next lives. Thank you and see you soon." You whispered and tears started to fall to you.

Did you really reply to me, Elsa? No, it must be a coincidence.

"I can sense you there like a friend I've always known. Show yourself, I'm no longer trembling." You opened your eyes and started to see me like a dream.

I come close to you and place my head into yours.

"I see, you still believe in me no matter what." I whispered to her.

"Yes, Jack. Until eternity. Can I feel you for the last time?"

"Yes, you may, Elsa. I love you."

"I love you too." You smiled as you closed your eyes and cry.

Once I closed my eyes, I cried and at the same time I feel my soul fades little-by-little.

And for the last time, I see your smile from the day I first encountered you.

Because it is the only smile that enlightened me out of my darkness.

See you soon. I will find and love you again to our next lives.

#frozen #jackfrost #jackxelsa #jelsa #jelsacomics #riseoftheguardians #rotg #disney #dreamworks #elsaxjack #jelsa fanfics #jelsa edits #jelsa comics #frozen 2 #jelsa shippers #fanfics #romance #death #memories #promises #queen elsa #romance fanfic #oneshot

[afoolforatook]

On fandom and tragic romance tropes, from someone who's lived it.

Okay, this is kind of…. Idk a very specific vent and tbh one I feel kinda bad about because I genuinely don’t want to make people feel bad for liking reading/writing romantic angst or tragedy and it’s really less of an individual issue than an overall attitude in fandom.

Like, it’s absolutely okay to like not happy endings, and angst doesn’t have to just be for cathartic relief. Angst isn’t only acceptable if it’s to process trauma, you’re allowed to like it just because that’s your taste.

But at the same time…. I can’t help but have very personal feelings about how a lot of fandom spaces treat tragic romance tropes…

(this got really long but... it's something I've wanted to address for a long time)

I'm far from secretive with the fact that when I was 20, my girlfriend Emma (19) was killed in a car crash, along with her younger brother, mother, and aunt, and that a lot of my art and writing is purposefully about processing and accepting that grief. Fandom has been a very important part of how I’ve gotten through the last five years, which I’ll get into a bit more in a minute, but tbh it’s also been a lot harder navigating fandom and especially anything ship-related since Emma died, because of how people tend to romanticize a character tragically losing a partner.

And honestly, it’s not just fandom, it’s media in general. And mainstream media focus on tragic sob stories, shock factor, and BYG tropes is definitely a big part of the problem.

But as much as fandom pushes against mainstream overuse of such tropes, there is a good portion of fandom that falls into the same type of issue. And not just ‘fandom’ in the usual sense, but literary communities, poetry, etc…

The amount of times I see stories or prompts about characters tragically losing their partner, and that being the climax of the story, and then next to nothing about that character actually navigating their grief or being able to eventually start a new relationship or just be happy is just…. It makes me feel physically ill.

Like, people saying how tragic love stories are more interesting than happy endings. Or seeing a post about tragic pairing prompts and people saying things like ‘or they think it's unrequited but then A dies and B finds a letter confessing and they really loved each other but now it's too late’ and more people being like ‘YES YOU GET IT THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF’

Just… really, honestly. It's okay to like angst, even really tragic angst. I’m not trying to guilt anyone out of that.

I just….. Most of the time people just talk about it like ‘oh yeah I love some of that good tragic love story shit’ and the stories focus on the build-up and the shock/trauma of the death as it happens and then the excruciating reaction of the survivor and then maybe a time jump to show them happy again.

But very rarely do people take the time to actually handle the grief. People like the good cry of a character mourning their partner, but the vast majority of creators and fans rush through or skip over everything after the initial drama and aftermath. The ‘tragedy’ is the only part they focus on, and then the story ends and they move on.

And like. Shit. I liked that stuff too, I wrote some of it, years ago. And I’m not saying you can’t ever just leave it there, or that if you want to write tragic romance you always have to explore all the long-term emotional consequences.

But try to have it in mind, to consider what message countless grief narratives that end after the funeral, or maybe a few weeks or months later, teach people about real-life grief. This goes for any kind of grief narrative, but the one I see most, the one I used to ‘enjoy’ most myself, is romantic.

But, after having actually lived it? And knowing I'll have to live the rest of my life as the part of the story that usually isn’t told? It turns my stomach the way it’s often handled.

Like seeing people gush about how angsty a fic/idea is, and ‘OH MY GOD SO SAD CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW TRAGIC HOW DARE YOU. I LOVE SEEING/PUTTING THEM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN’ gets a bit uncomfortable.

Not because there’s something inherently wrong with ever reacting like that, but because most often I can turn around and have the same people not know how to react when I tell them about Emma, not know how to handle the same grief they were just gushing over in fiction, when it’s real.

Grief is isolating enough on its own, but then it just doesn’t feel great when the worst thing to ever happen to you is a huge trope that people gush over, while very rarely fleshing out the actual reality of what it feels like to go through that or how to respond to someone actually dealing with grief, and eventually having to deal with your own grief.

Tbh it’s why I really just kinda have an aversion to the word ‘angst’ in general, and don’t really like to refer to my own writing as angst, even though I know plenty of people might think of it as such. So much of fandom's handling of ‘angst’ has come to feel like voyeuristic tourism of the grief I deal with every day, and will for the rest of my life.

Just, I know people are always going to like tragic angsty romance, and that’s fine, and honestly, it's not even an issue of individuals, but of how fandom in general treats it.

And again, I really don’t want to make anyone feel bad for liking it, and it has its purposes. And even when it’s not for catharsis, it's okay to just like sad stories just because.

I just… I wish more people would keep in mind that it’s not just a tearjerker story trope. People really go through this. And they then often end up feeling very isolated because people around them don't know how to react to their grief, because their grief makes things awkward and a mood killer.

Like, if you love this kind of angst (and not because you personally relate to it or find it cathartic, but just because, just for fun) but then feel awkward around people talking about their real-life grief, maybe spend some time with that, and think about the topic as a real-world trauma and not just a dramatic story trope. (this doesn’t just go for grief. Any kind of trauma you don’t personally deal with, if you love reading/writing it but avoid actually listening to people talking about their real-life experiences with it, think about why that is.)

I just hate seeing loss and initial dramatic grief responses being this shock factor/tearjerker trope, without ever really seriously addressing long-term grief. Especially when it doesn't even do a time jump or anything, and just ends on the surviving character being forever destroyed; when it focuses on the idea of how sad it is for your favorite character to have to spend the rest of their life alone.

And that’s not even folding in any kind of BYG/queer tragedy tropes in canon or fandom spaces.

And like… on a much more individual, less practical point, I just… there’s nothing wrong with angst but honestly (and especially for characters whose canon is in no way tragic) every time I see it I just want to scream WHY…. Why do that to them!? I’m not saying you have to stop, or that you’re not allowed to write trauma you don’t deal with personally. But I will never not cringe a bit at the ‘painful enjoyment’ of a character going through the traumatic loss of a partner. And it’s a sentiment I don’t really see people being okay with in regards to any other kind of trauma.

I don’t have actual numbers, but it sure feels like fandom treats stories about romantic grief very differently than most other traumas. Other trauma, even other kinds of grief, like a close friend or a sibling or parent, etc. tend to at least try to touch on a theme of recovery, or that the emotional turmoil being covered isn’t just a fun angsty trope to spend a little time in and then move on. And of course, this isn’t universal and plenty of people don’t handle these other traumas respectfully or as anything more than dramatic fuel, but this is the trend I’ve personally seen in over 10 years of tumblr fandom. And to that point, even when traumas aren’t respectfully handled I’ve at least seen people try to bring attention to that, with posts about how to respectfully handle disability or addiction or mental health or abuse. I can’t remember off the top of my head a single post like that about grief, let alone specifically romantic grief. It seems to be commonly accepted that while most kinds of trauma can be explored, but still handled respectfully, the death of a partner can just be done for the Drama. People tend to try to learn about abuse or addiction experiences before attempting big angsty stories addressing that. But doomed romance and a grief-stricken lover (it feels like, in my experience) are much more likely to happen on a whim.

Generally, it feels like other kinds of trauma, while still part of ‘angst’ also keeps a sense of awareness of how that narrative reflects real people’s experiences. It’s not just heavy because it’s big dramatic fictional angst, but because it’s grounded in real-life trauma that everyday people who come across it might relate to. Like... I just feel like a lot of fandom spaces treat ‘major character death’ and tragic romantic trope tags as just filters, like they’re needed because ‘not everyone likes angst, it’s just not their thing’ without really acknowledging that it’s a real trauma that everyday people deal with, where (again, often, but of course far from always, and certainly not in mainstream) other tws and tags like assault or substance abuse, people understand that people they interact with might really deal with those issues and they try to not just use them as dramatic fodder and to portray them respectfully.

But grief, especially romantic grief, seems different. The number of people who will come across a fic or edit or piece of art about a tragic love story, and will have had that personal experience of losing a partner, is much lower than people with real experiences with abuse, or addiction, or mental illness. That’s not a bad thing. I wish none of you ever have to know what that feels like.

But because of that, tragic romance ends up seeming like this distant thing. Like it’s only in dramatic tv shows or movies or literature, or lives solely in angsty fandom spaces as a way to get out a good cry. It seems grand and Tragic, off in its own world of dramatic emotional story tropes.

It’s solely pretty dark edits put to song lyrics, or striking art, or beautifully written prose that rips your heart out. It’s Tragic Romance.

And there’s nothing wrong with that inherently. But for many people, it seems like that is what it becomes: fiction. An angsty trope.

I genuinely hope that’s all it ever is for all of you. I wish I could ensure that that good angsty hurt will only ever be a trope you visit when you need a good cry.

But it’s not just fiction.

It's not just angst for sake of drama or fun or poetic storytelling. It’s not grand or romantic or beautifully tragic.

It’s unbearable. It’s physical pain.

That’s not exaggeration or metaphor. It sneaks up on me out of nowhere and it literally feels like someone is crushing my chest. I’ve nearly broken my hand punching a wall because I needed to make something hurt more than this thing in my chest that isn’t even actually there but it hurts so much.

Tbf I think a lot of my attitude towards this really stems more from fandom trends from when I was younger, and I think a lot more people actually try to flesh out grief more these days. But I just remember so much tragic romantic fic and fandom love from when I was a teenager that didn’t go deeper than ‘look how heartbreaking this is it’s so sad, I wanna make everybody read it and cry and it’s just fun and a story, oh my god I couldn't live with that’

no, of course I don't have a few specific old fics or posts from like superwholock days in mind, that I used to gush over too, and now just the idea of makes me feel actually sick

Idk… like I said. I don't at all want to make anyone feel bad for liking that type of angst, and I feel kind of bad for criticizing it. It just…

It hurts seeing basically your exact situation on angsty prompt lists with people gushing about how good it hurts. Especially when the same people would be (and have been) deer in headlights when they find out you’ve lived the same thing. (Again, this goes for any kind of trauma trope, but most others I’ve seen at least some kind of discussion about before)

Just please, try to be mindful of not just how you write stories about grief, but how you talk about death angst in general. (again, certainly not everyone, but more and more) People know to not just romanticize abuse trauma or addictions or mental illness, and to research, and ask for advice to try to be respectful.

And it’s much more common for someone in fandom spaces, in their teens or 20s or 30s to deal with those sorts of trauma than having experienced losing a partner.

But we exist. And while there is plenty of media out there showing tragic young romance, there is very little (in my experience, after nearly five years of desperately looking) real-world acknowledgment and support, or proof that you’ll be able to survive that kind of loss and still be happy, and even less so if they’re queer.

In a couple of months, it will have been five years since Emma’s death. From day one I have not been private about my loss, whenever possible.

And in five years of saying “When I was 20 my girlfriend died.” to new friends, classmates, potential dates, fandom spaces, therapists, grief support forums, etc… do you know how many other people have told me that they also lost a partner as a young adult, whether queer or straight, by accident or suicide or illness?

Zero.

No one. I’ve had people say how they lost a best friend or a sibling or a parent. And those losses, those kinds of grief are certainly not any less traumatic than the loss of a partner. But even in real life, they’re different. Losing a partner, especially at a very young age when it’s likely your main romantic experience, has different emotional effects, and can be harder to find people who directly relate.

Five years. Zero people dealing with the specific facets of grief as me.

The ONLY times I have ever heard about stories like mine in real life are either the rare article or essay or celebrity story, of which I can probably easily count on two hands.

All the other representation I’ve found is in mainstream fiction and fandom.

And of those stories, those fics, that art, the vast majority have had the partner die in the last half, probably closer to the 75% mark, of the story or arc.

If I’m lucky, that last 25% will focus on the immediate aftermath and grief (especially in fic, while a lot of media might give you a few scenes, and then move on to other character arcs).

If I’m really lucky they’ll show some kind of time jump, to say ‘see, they’re still haunted by their lost love but they’ve tried to move on or can pretend to be happy’.

And so much fandom reception is centered around ‘it’s soooooo SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD MY POOR HEART IT HURTS SO GOOD. LOVE ME SOME ANGST’, or romanticizing the idea of being unable to live without them, and if they can, it’s often never really putting focus on all the pain it took to process their grief.

Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this individually, or that you shouldn’t gush and scream over fic or art or prompts that hook you because of angst. But it adds up really quickly, especially when, even when getting good genuine support from people, you still see no one else actually living with that feeling like you. The only place you find it is stories, and then you see people mostly excited over just how beautifully sad it is.

And that just feels… I can’t explain it honestly.

Just, think about how you react to or talk about fic or prompts or art about a character crying over their partner’s body, or attending their funeral, and think about whether you’d feel appropriate doing the same if instead, they were dealing with abuse, or addiction, or self-harm.

Again, that’s not to say you can’t ever gush or key smash or such, but is it all you do?

You don’t have to stop enjoying angst and tragic romance. But think about how I just said that.

Enjoy.

Do you only ever act like you ‘Enjoy’ it (and yes, this includes the ‘I’m such a masochist I just love to cry over them, it’s emotional release that doesn’t trigger me’ reaction), and romanticize it?

It’s fine to, sometimes. But do you also appreciate it, and try to understand the real-world weight of it? Do you know what you’d say to a friend if they told you they’d lost a partner?

That ‘love me some good angst’, Dramatic grief, being the main fandom attitude doesn’t just hurt me or others who have lost people close to them, partners or not.

A big part of fandom, and of just society, has no idea how to deal with grief, their own or others. It’s not a light conversation topic, it makes people feel awkward, or walk on eggshells around you, or tell you how they can’t possibly imagine having to go through that (btw, y'all don’t say this to people. About grief, or trauma, or disability or anything like that, just don’t. I’m begging you. And a rant about that kind of thing is for another day but... )

And then, when people inevitably face some form of major grief themselves, they feel ashamed for not handling it ‘right’.

It hurts, to try to find some acknowledgment of your grief, and only ever see stories that show just the first few weeks or months; the feeling of it never possibly being anything but constantly excruciating. Stories that end on ‘they were alone and sad and that is what their story, their love, will live on as; Tragic’. Or, that skip all the work and the doubt and the backsliding, and just show years down the road, when they’ve got a whole new life, and that grief, that love, is just a sad memory that they have ‘moved on’ from. Just a tiny trinket call back.

It feels impossible to survive, to ever be happy again, when you never see grief being treated as more than a tragic story point. And then, as you try your hardest to keep going, to process and heal, and connect to new people, while not forgetting the person you love, not letting them just become your tragic backstory, you see people gush over tragic love stories, over how romantic it is, over how characters loved each other so much they couldn’t live without them. (Thankfully a good bit of fandom seems to be pulling away from this, but it’s still common)

And, if that’s what it is to lose a partner, your soulmate… then… then how am I able to keep living? Even as painful as it is? If true love means not being able to live without the other person, does that mean I didn’t, I don’t, actually love them enough? Am I selfish for still actually wanting to live the rest of my life, even with this pain of the person I love being gone?

Would people read my, our, story and ‘enjoy’ it? Would they find this romantic? Would they scream over a prompt based on the worst event in my life, and have a good cry, and then move on, thinking how sad and beautifully tragically romantic that story would be? Would this person I love and miss more than anything, become just a Tragedy? Just an angsty sob story to gush about how wonderfully painful it was? Would it become about only my pain and heartbreak, and not about the cruelty of this other complete, unique, independent person who was robbed of their entire future?

Maybe that seems melodramatic or putting too much weight on tropes, or fandom. But remember.

Five years.

Zero real people saying ‘I’ve been there too’.

The only places I have seen my grief reflected (beyond a rare celebrity interview, or article) is in fiction, and mostly in fandom.

For over a decade I’ve seen people key smash and gush over angsty ships in fic and art, and I was one of them for a long time.

And then, when it became real life for me, all too often (not always, of course) people wouldn’t know how to handle my real grief. Even when I didn’t want to grieve, but wanted to remember all the reasons I love Emma. My real-life moments of ‘fluff’ that I cling to, become uncomfortable when they know the ‘angst’ to come.

And I don’t blame them. I’m not angry at them for not knowing what to say, for walking on eggshells. They’re not cruel for that, they’re not unsympathetic, it’s not that they just don’t try.

Because, if I’ve found so few real-world stories about this kind of grief, after looking so hard for so long, how can I expect them to have had much more luck?

If the only places I find stories about grief never focus on the reality of life after the funeral, and the process of not moving past, but learning to handle grief, then how can I expect broader fandom to know how to be comfortable around the ugly, boring, repetitive, not at all romantic parts of that grief?

Just, yes. Write, read, love your angst. But please just remember that ‘tragic love story’ happens to people, and while plenty of people might not want to read it because it’s just not their thing, or too depressing, there are those who see those dramatic prompt scenarios, and personally relate to them (I quite often say the events around Emma’s death read like a heavy-handed soap opera, or Queer Tragedy movie, and had had plenty of people agree, even before hearing all the details. And I have literally seen multiple prompts of ‘best friends secretly have feelings for each other, and then finally confess, only to get a short bit of happiness before one dies tragically’)

Write, read, love your angst, your tragic love stories, just please, be as respectful of grief (in any form, but this is mostly a shipping issue in my experience) as you would be (or should be) of other major trigger warnings. Gush and scream about the big dramatic ‘romantic’ tragedies, but don’t then ignore the raw, uncomfortable, vulnerable, cathartic explorations, or the real people dealing with real loss.

Because damn y’all, I’ve seen ‘I just love a good romantic tragedy trope, yes please rip my heart out’ said so many times, with the same tone as saying ‘That fake dating trope, that’s the good stuff’.

I’ve seen people gush over how much more interesting and beautifully cruel it is for young love to end tragically.

And I promise you. It’s not. It just fucking sucks. It’s not romantic or tragically beautiful or poignant. It’s devastating. And it goes on for so much longer than that last quarter of the story.

My grief is more than an angsty prompt. Our relationship, my love for her, is more than a dramatic sob story, more than just awkward sadness that kills the mood. Emma’s life, her memory, is more than my tragic backstory.

I want to be able to find my story in more than just fiction, I want to be able to get support from people who live with similar grief.

But I also want to see grief in fiction, in fandom, become more than a final character arc or Tragic love story; used for dramatic effect; grand and huge for a moment and then never fully processed, or mentioned again; just tragically romantic and heartbreaking and soooo good and angsty.

Grief is one of the only things we will all have to face throughout our lives.

I’m not just asking you to respect my grief or the grief of those around you. But your own future grief. I don’t want you to get there and feel like your grief is wrong, or means that you didn’t love someone ‘enough’ because it doesn’t manifest in a certain way.

Learning to accept grief; to be comfortable around raw, unpoetic, grief; to not hold up certain expressions of grief as Romantic or Poetic, but just honest, will eventually be personally useful for all of us, as much as I wish it wouldn’t.

I want my grief, everyone’s grief, to be seen, and understood, not just romanticized and dramatized.

My love story, Emma’s love story, isn’t beautifully tragic. It isn’t more interesting or poetic than a happy ending. The pain that I will carry with me for the rest of my life is not romantic.

But it is important.

#mine #my writing #tw #grief #death #car crash #fandom analysis #romantic tragedy trope

[undertaker1827]

Not a request. I would like to know your opinion on what Undertaker's overall plan is. He made those dolls and brought o!Ciel back but for what reason and what else is he planning? 🤔 Thank you! (feel free to delete)

Absolutely! This is part one of two, I’ll link the second part when it’s written. In the meantime, hello, welcome and strap yourselves in for one hell of a ride, we’re almost on 2000 words! Let’s go!

❗️obviously spoiler warning!!!! Also, I’ve only read up to chapter 148 so if you’ve read further, please don’t spoil anything for me either!! Thank you! ❗️

-

Way back at the end of the Circus Ark, undertaker said this;

So, whatever happened with Cloudia (which needs to be put in a whole other theories post) must have involved her being overly blasé about her life/soul, in a similar way to Ciel and Vincent, I would say. Obviously the connection between Undertaker and the Phantomhives is much bigger than anything we know about and I’m willing to bet it is connected to more than just Undertaker bringing R!Ciel back to life (again, another theory post needed).

ANYWHO back on track.

Now Undertaker always talks about being happy/laughing/not wasting your soul (and by extension, life). We know he committed suicide when he was human (yet another tangent I want to go off on) after which he obviously didn’t want to have to face another life. So what, did he just get sick of reaping and the soul world and decide if he was being forced to live anyway, he should do something with his life this time? Which is where going to the human world comes into play, but (okay we’re off track again) what really happened 50 years ago?? Why did he actually leave dispatch and effectively become a fugitive? Surely there must be more to it than ‘I got bored’. And what, he just magically got involved with the Phantomive family? One of the most important families in England who also happen to operate within the underworld and work for the queen? I don’t think so. He definitely knew what he was doing. The question is, why did he do it?

Back to the task in hand, during this part of Book of the Atlantic;

Ciel actually looks scared. Ignoring everything we know about him/his personality and just looking at his face in the drawing, he looks young and frightened. Now imagine when O!Ciel was little. Undertaker would have been around a lot when him and R!Ciel were growing up, we even see him holding up the curtain behind the kids for their photograph later on in the series. O!Ciel now, as the Earl, is obviously very used to Undertaker’s antics, like his prices for information, so perhaps this was why he was goaded into paying said price himself earlier on, instead of letting Sebastian do it. Clearly, having seen Undertaker’s face for the first time, seen him attack Grell (who even Seabstain had to play dirty to beat) AND look serious all in one hit? Big shock. But that face to me is still a picture of fear rather than surprise, again demonstrating how well Undertaker kept his true identity hidden. Still, even as the lowkey crazy mortician, he’s not exactly someone you would trust your kids with. This says to me Vincent knew more about Undertaker than just face value and he knew the reaper would stay loyal to the Phantomhives. And THAT’S another thing; why?? Why would he, how could Vincent be so certain? Was it because of Cloudia? Did Vincent grow up with Undertaker around the same way the twins did?

But then there are other questions! How did he end up establishing his business? As in both sides of it. Dispatch must have searched for him, he was their best in collections, so how did he keep his true identity a secret from literally everyone, even them? Also, how much did the Phantomhives (prior to Ciel) know about him? Did Cloudia or Vincent know he was a reaper? I don’t believe that he was as close to Vincent and the twins as he was without Vincent knowing something was up. I mean the earl was very clever, in his line of work he had to be, and he trusted Undertaker with his kids, which must mean something.

Then there’s the thing with Othello. I mean clearly they know each other, hardly surprising, but Undertaker was this high flying INCREDIBLY serious collections reaper, compared to Othello (much as I love him) who couldn’t fight and ended up in forensics, the department which has practically no contact with the human world. So it makes sense that Othello knows about Undertaker, maybe even looked up to him, who knows, but why would Undertaker know Othello?

And whilst we’re on the subject (which we’re not) how did he get all those scars?? When he’s drawing wearing different clothes than normal, they are literally all over him. Anyone could have been fatal, particular focus on the one around his neck and across his chest. Now when we see him working as a reaper, he doesn’t have those scars. Given how good a fighter he is, there’s not a human in the world who could have done that. That leaves anything supernatural - demons, angels or even other reapers - which would have meant he fought them and survived (barely?). But the injuries must have been very bad to have scarred like that in the first place. Either that, or they’re fake and he just outs them on to mess with the characters’ (our) minds.

But moving on, when Ciel asks ‘to what end?’, Undertaker replies with;

So in other words, when he first rocked up in the human world, it probably was just curiosity. He needed some sort of a cover up for who he really was, so he set up a morgue. Why not? Maybe, during his many reaping jobs, he had come into contact with the work/estate of the Phantomhives. Enter Cloudia, and whatever happened there, happened. But somehow he went to serious reaper looking at the human world and the individuals living in it as one big experiment to actually caring about his lab rats. To have Cloudia’s mourning locket and be as fond of it as he is, something, in some way, must have changed. Another question is the rest of the mourning lockets. Unless they’re just for show so he can carry Cloudia’s and still fit in reasonably well (which I don’t think is the case) he must have cared about each of those people, and thus far, we have no idea who they are.

But then there’s THIS;

Bold words for a guy who cares far far too much about Ciel’s family, knowing full well right from the beginning that he would well and truly outlive them. But here is where the caring part comes in;

Unless he was taking about Sebastian. But even if he was, I think he was including himself in that statement to some extent as well, bearing in mind that of the people present, only Ciel was aware that his father knew Undertaker.

Now as for the Weston College Arc, Undertaker was obviously trying to keep away from Sebastian and Ciel for as long as possible, I suspect so that they found out about Derrick at the ‘right’ moment (for him at least) and to ensure a fight didn’t break out in front of the entire school, which would guarantee he could get away quickly without anyone knowing where he was going. But moving back in time a bit, Undertaker was involved with Weston College sometime prior to the Campania debacle (as Rian Stoker was with him when he arrived) and been contacted by Edgar Redmond, no doubt via Viscount Druitt, so all of that probably has something to do with how he managed to take over as headmaster so quickly (after all, this arc takes places directly after the Book of the Atlantic). He had been forced to blow a cover he’d been keeping up for the last 50 years so he needed somewhere to go quickly. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had worked out that Weston College would be where Ciel went next too and as we established when he allowed Ciel to keep the mourning lockets, Undertaker clearly doesn’t want to cut any mores ties with him than necessary.

Then there’s this;

I think what Undertaker really wants to do is bring back Vincent, if not Cloudia, but given that reanimation requires a near perfect corpse, neither of these options are especially viable. As for his reasons, he is clearly very attached to them, and if you ask me, his lack of care for personal space in any capacity says he’s lonely, so I suspect that’s part of it. However, I think there’s probably a more important reason than that, but I honestly don’t know what. I believe it will be tied in with his mysterious connection to the Phantomhive family, but as we don’t know about that either, its difficult to say.

Now this part;

has always confused me. What was Sebastian referring to? And the fact that Undertaker implied their strength is equal? He would have killed Sebastian back on the ship if it hadn’t picked that exact moment to sink. All very intriguing.

Then this whole double page spread;

which really only gives more questions than it answers.

But now! Onto the Green Witch Arc. The bit to focus on has to be the interaction between Diedrich and Undertaker, in which Undertaker makes one very important comment;

Humans. He specifically said humans, meaning Diedrich knew he was a reaper, so by extension so did Vincent and most likely Cloudia as well. I admit, I had forgotten that sentence, so this explains why Vincent trusted Undertaker with the twins (which I was going on about earlier). And I assume when he said this;

He was talking about bringing Vincent back. Even he couldn’t bring back someone without their body.

#black butler #undertaker #adrian crevan #kuroshitsuji #not a story #spoilers #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #vincent phantomhive #cloudia phantomhive #theories #black butler theory #undertaker theory #my thoughts

[aromantic-romance-writer]

Kyojuro Rengoku x Fem! Reader

[Rekindle the Flame Inside Your Heart]

U M A I

That's basically the only word to explain why I wanted to make this for Rengobro-

I don't really have much info of when he was young, or just don't remember some details so uhhh a headcanon-?

Either way, I hope you enjoy!

WARNING: Very slight manga spoilers ahead!

How many times have he seen you on the same bed, in the same room already?

Kyojuro just came back from a mission. He was injured, but nothing really big. Just sprained his hand a little. But he knew injuries would be in the way of his missions if he doesn't treat them immediately.

But this was the fifth time he sees you at the Butterfly Estate already. And he doesn't even come here that often.

You never changed since the first time he saw you. You were sitting on the bed, head wrapped in a bandage, and staring at the wall. He decides to finally ask Shinobu about this.

"Oh, her." She says, her tone sounding pitiful. She finishes wrapping the bandage around his wrist and starts cleaning up. "She's never left. It's been 5 months since her last mission. It was horrible, really."

"A demon was able to wipe out her comrades with a blood demon art. She was able to kill him, but she was badly injured. She couldn't stop crying for a week. The poor thing..." She's finally finished cleaning up and faces him. It was kind of obvious in her tone that she wanted you leave already, but she doesn't have the heart to ask you. "You have to rest your hand for at least 48 hours, and you have to take this medicine after--"

"Kocho." Kyojuro cuts her off, but his smile doesn't waver. "May I spend those hours here?"

° ° °

At this point, why are you even alive?

It's been 5 months. Why are you being pathetic? You must be a really big burden to Kocho-san already. Stop being weak. Stop mourning over te past. You've killed the demon, right? Shouldn't you be happy? He wasn't gonna terrorize anyone anymore. No more people will be killed. You saved everyone. You also saved the demon from himself.

But your comrades. You couldn't save them.

The memory was still so vivid and horrifying. The memory turned into a nightmare, it was refusing to let you sleep.

It was refusing to let you rest.

You were so deep in your thoughts, you didn't even notice someone sitting beside your bed.

The person snapped his fingers in front of you. You snap your head around to see -

"R-Rengoku-san?!" you quickly bow down to show respect to the Flame Pillar. "W-what are you doing here?"

He gave a hearty laugh. "I would just like to have a little chat!" he says cheerfully. You sweat, you'll go blind from his radiant smile. "I've seen you many many times already, so I thought that I introduce myself if we'll ve seeing each other that often."

"But I know who you are already..."

"Nope!" you were startled at his exuberant response. "You only know my name, but not who I am."

You blink. Well, he's right. But what exactly is the reason for a pillar to talk to a low-ranking demon slayer such as yourself?

"Speak to me like I'm just a friend, and not a pillar!" his eyes sparkled with an unusual determination. You were sure none of your friends are as eccentric as him. "I'm Rengoku Kyojuro! You can call me by my first name!"

You stare down at your hands in diffidence. Are you not allowed to just run away? But you don't leave your bed unless necessary. Maybe you should just go with it, he is a pillar after all. But he said to treat him as a friend. Wait, what friend exactly?

You cut off your thoughts and raise your head, pink hues covering your cheeks. "N-nice to meet you, Kyojuro-kun! I-I'm [Y/N]!" you stutter in exclaim, your eyes glinting with clear confusion. But you admit that this is quite fun.

Kyojuro seemed to smile wider. "Okay, [Y/N]! What do you like to eat?"

° ° °

Kyojuro-kun.

Kyojuro-kun.

The name kept repeating in his head. He talked with you for hours. You've been calling him that name in those hours and he can't help but feel something warm inside him other than his flaring passion as a demon slayer.

He also learned a lot of interests that didn't suit the you when he first saw you. He realized that you were just this bubbly person who likes to get into trouble sometimes, but you're very compassionate about demons.

That's why you only blame yourself for their deaths and not the demon.

You were depressed. You couldn't save them. Kyojuro knew the feeling. But he wants to make you realize that it wasn't your fault. That whenever the sun would set, it would rise again the next day.

Your sun hasn't risen for such a long time, but he'll make it rise, he thought as passion flared his heart.

° ° °

Even after Kyojuro left the Butterfly Estate as his hand has completely healed, a day won't go by without him visiting you. He claims that he was free, so it was alright.

You still have no idea what and why he talked to you in the first place that day, but you were glad he did.

His smile was so infectious that you'd forget how sadness feels like. His bright and lively personality reminded you how to be happy.

Everyday, he would eat beside you and tell you how his day went. If he went on a mission the previous day, he always makes sure he finishes it as early as he can so he can visit you the next day and tell you all about it. You honestly missed going outside in your demon slayer uniform, but Kyojuro makes that feeling go away.

You couldn't leave yet, even thought you knew you would have to, eventually. But you're rooted here for some reason, and once you remember that, all the happiness would go away because once the moon rises, all of it will come back washing over you.

The nightmares. The tears. The regret. The guilt.

The blood.

Why won't it go away? Why is it still haunting your dreams? Why can't you move on?

You woke, sweating and gasping and crying as usual. The same thing would happen every morning; it's like a part of your day-to-day routine now.

You forget that someone is part of that routine as well.

That day, Kyojuro visited early and caught you in that state. You widen your eyes in horror to meet the eyes of the Flame Pillar.

Why is he here so early? You didn't want him to see you in that state.

He rushes over to you, eyes that were used to be so energetic now full of worry.

"[Y/N]! Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?" He throws his questions at you like daggers you can't dodge. All you could do was cover your face with your hands and cry.

Why are you like this? Why are you crying in front of him? Why aren't you saying anything?

The questions quickly vanished from your mind as you can feel broad arms wrap around you into a hug. Your head was resting on his chest. You feel your face grow warm. His steady heartbeat was audible as it calmed you.

After a while, both of you were outside and sitting on the engawa. You have washed your face and decided to tell him what happened 5 months ago.

It was weird to you. You're actually saying what happened and it was your mouth. But your features were calm. Not even a single tear. Did you finally run out tears? Are you finally numb?

When you finished, you felt as if something that was crushing your chest disappeared. Like it was never there. It's like you can breathe properly again.

The silence goes on for a few minutes, before Kyojuro speaks. "[Y/N]."

You turn to him. He was looking at you with such a fierce look. You admit he looked kind of scary.

"It's not your fault. It's never your fault. I'm sure you're comrades always wanted to say that to you." he finally turns his whole body towards you. "You're strong and human, and you can only do so much. You saved a lot of people from that demon. You also saved the demon from himself."

"Relight the flame of your heart - the heart of a demon slayer! Stand back up like how the burning sun would rise every morning. Even without you, your comrades are putting their hands on your back - putting their faith in you! For their sake, draw your sword and protect the weak from the evil by my side!"

You blink. The passionate speech moved you. He has a point. You're a demon slayer. You can't back down. You have to protect loads more of people. You have to save loads more of demons.

Your dull world was suddenly scorched in fire. Such beautiful colors flooded your vision, but for some reason, all you see was Kyojuro.

Then you realized that your flame has been relit already. It was just a tiny flame, so you didn't notice.

But that day, along with his loud introduction, barged into your heart to light a match.

"I mean...!" you snap out of your thoughts to see Kyojuro red in the face, but he was still smiling. "You don't have to do all the beside me! You can do it on your own! You don't need me! You're strong by yourself, so--"

You started laughing. At first, ut was a small snort until you bursted unto tears while laughing. "Oh, Kyo!" you finally calm down, wiping the tears from your face. You smile at a very red and confused Kyojuro. "Thank you. I would like to fight by your side as well."

~

You were dreading that your uniform might not fit anymore, since you haven't worn it for 5 months. But you gave a big sigh of relief when you were able to slip into it without ripping any if its sides.

"Kyo-kun!" the brazen haired pillar turned to see you. His eyes sparkled with adoration. It was an endearing sight for him. "I'm ready to train!"

He stares at you for a while, before crouching to move a stray hair from your face and tucked it behind your ear. "Don't let any of your hair in the way! It'll be difficult to train that way." his smile widens as he walks away, leaving you paralyzed and flustered. "And make sure to show your pretty face all the time!"

You run after him as you try to calm your heart down. What the hell was that?

And so, you trained under his supervision. You've changed and it was all thanks to Kyojuro. You were back to your usual self, but with more determination to go on missions.

Kyojuro has changed as well. You weren't sure if it was a good change or a bad change, but surely it must be bad since the outcome would always be you getting flustered?

But because of this change, you can't help but grow romantic feelings for the guy. Everything he's doing, you have no clue why he does it.

"Hah!" you pointed the wooden sword at him as he fell on the ground. "What happened? I don't think I actually beat you."

He grabs the other end of the wooden sword. "My aplogies! I got distracted. You're unusually pretty today." Your eyes widen. Another flirt? Again? You turn away in attempt to avoid his stare at your very red face. And because of this, you accidentally let your guard down. He notices and pulls the sword, making you fall on top of him.

Your face was inches from his. You swear, he can feel your heart beating out of your chest too fast. His radiant smile turned into a cocky one, only making your temperature rise. "Or maybe you should be the one apologizing for that?" he says in a low tone.

Fuck.

Fuck.

You quickly try to move away, but he doesn't let you. In fact, he only draws you closer to him by the waist. "Why are you escaping? You did this to me, [Y/N], how can you expect me to just let it go?"

"K-kyo, what's the meaning of this?" you timidly ask. The tone in your voice was obvious that you were begging him to stop.

He finally lets you go and sits in an indian position. He gives you time to cool off and calm yourself before he speaks. "[Y/N]." he says in a serious tone, making you snap towards him and sit with a perfect posture. Despite these little mishaps, you never forget where you're place is.

He breathes deeply, feeling his own heart beating out of his chest. "I like you."

"I'm sorry, what?"

Kyojuro just sits there, smiling again. "I'm afraid I can't say it again."

You heard it clearly the first time, you were just making sure you weren't deluding yourself or hearing things. You weren't sure whether to jump in joy or drown yourself in the river. "Am I in any position to hit you as of this moment?"

His smile widens. "You have a position in my heart. Is that okay?"

"Kyo!"

He laughs. "I'm really sorry, [Y/N]. I can't help myself. I just really like you."

You play with your hair as you avert your gaze, your cheeks covered in pink blush. It sent weird sparks to his heart to see such an adorable sight. "I-I like you too, Kyo..."

He was still smiling, but his eyes widen in shock. "You do?"

"Don't make me repeat what I said! It's embarassing enough as it is."

He holds your hand, making you look at him. He wore his warmest of smiles. "That makes me really really happy, [Y/N]."

~

So you did fight side-by-side when you're asked to go on a joint mission, but he mostly tried to protect you and wouldn't let you fight. You were happy together and had this amazing chemistry everyone admired, even on the battlefield. You were both very happy together and supported each other to this very day.

Even when he was gone.

° ° °

The boy sitting in front of you sniffled, wiping his tears with his green and black checkered haori. His demon sister patted his back as she also felt emotional herself.

"Er, should I get you some water?" you chuckle lightly.

They both shake their heads as they finished wiping their tears away. "Your love story is so touching, [L/N]-san! I'm sorry I couldn't protect him..." he lowers his head, gripping his uniform's trousers very tightly.

You notice this and wrap his hand around yours. He looks up to you just in time before he cries again.

"Tanjiro," You say with the warmest tone you can give him. "Do me a favor and smile."

He blinks cluelessly. "R-right now?"

You laugh lightly. "If you feel like it. Remember to smile even if it seems all hope is lost. Even in your darkest days, never forget to smile again. The sun sets, but it also rises. Be like the sun, Tanjiro, and give the weak the hope and light that they need.

"Be the match that will rekindle the flame inside their hearts, and until then, smile once more. Set your heart ablaze, Tanjiro, Nezuko."

He and Nezuko stares at you, but you trust that they understand.

By the entrance of your home, the kind boy bows. "I almost forgot! Rengoku-san wanted me to give this to you." he hands you a letter with your name written with his familiar hand-writing. "Thank you for everything, [L/N]-san!"

You wave at him as he walks away. You waited until his figure was as small as an ant before going back inside.

You sit on the engawa and open the letter.

"Be the happiest as you can be, [Y/N]. When I pass, find someone else. Make sure that person can protect you. You'll always be my flame."

A single tear streamed accross your face.

"I am the happiest that I can be, Kyo. And it's all because of that day when you revived the fire in my heart." you say, hugging the letter close to your chest.

Right where the fire is flickering.

Never realized how much Rengobro's death affected me when I started reasearching about him for this.

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku #kny x reader #kimestu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer x reader #kny kyojuro rengoku #kimestu no yaiba kyojuro rengoku #demon slayer kyojuro rengoku #kyojuro #rengoku #kyojurou rengoku #rengoku kyojuro #rengoku kyojurou #kny kyojuro rengoku x reader #kimetsu no yaiba kyojuro rengoku x reader #demon slayer kyojuro rengoku x reader #rengoku kyojuro x reader

[fallen420]

Rebel Spy Chapter 14: They’re Back

gif by @carricfisher​ 

Masterlist

WARNING: mandalorian spoilers, some rebels spoilers

"Does this look Jedi to you?" Din holds Grogu as we walk up to what we assume is the stone Ahsoka was telling us about.

I look around at the rocks that are at an angle being held up at other rocks surrounding the stone that's in the middle, "It's mysterious so- yes it looks Jedi."

Din walks up to the stone and places Grogu on top. Din backs up a little, "This is the seeing stone, are you seeing anything?"

"Give him a minute, you can't rush the force Din."

After a few moments, blue butterflies fly around the kid and it makes me remember what Ahsoka said, It's an energy field created by all living things.

The group puts his hands up trying to touch the butterflies, "Oh come on kid, Ahsoka said we just had to get you here and you'd to the rest."

All three of us get distracted by a ship approaching. At first, I think it might be imperial Din and I go to the edge of the mountain to see who is it. When it lands I can see the ship clearly.

"Din that's the slave 1."

"I don't know what that means."

"That's Boba Fett's ship I've only seen it once but there's nothing else like it."

"Should we go?"

"I mean you have his armor he probably wants me dead so maybe." Din and I turn around to grab Grogu but the force seems to be surrounding him. "Uh, you see what he wants I'll the kid." Din nods before running down the hill.

I can't hear a thing they're saying but I watch as Boba takes off his hood revealing his face. I never saw his face before because like Din he always had it on but when I see it faces it surprises me because I've seen it before. I met a couple of clones that survived the clone wars during my rebel days. At first, I actually think it's one of them but then how would they have the slave 1? No, it has to be Boba, meaning Boba is a clone but he looks younger than they were all those years ago so that would mean his aging is slower? Honestly, it's too much to unpack right considering what I'm currently assuming is an imperial ship just showed up because stormtroopers start pouring out of it. Oh, and some woman is standing next to Boba.

I pull out my blaster and I turn around to see Grogu still doing something with the force. Din starts running up the hill with his blaster also in hand, "Time to go!"

Din starts to try and go through the field surrounding Grogu, "I wouldn't-" I try to warn him but it's too late but it makes him go flying. He hits the ground hard bouncing a little before staying still. I run to his side to making sure he's okay. I put my hand on his chest and I feel his breathing he's just going to be out for a minute.

I try to shake him awake a few times but he doesn't budge. I tighten my grip on my blaster now that I have to defend Grogu and Din but looking up I'm not even sure I am too considering I just watch Boba literally break the stormtroopers helmets with his staff.

I spot a trooper behind Boba about to shoot him, he doesn't seem to notice considering he's too busy smashing skulls. I quickly but carefully aim my blaster hitting the trooper in the head. Boba looks up to where the blast came from. His eyes find me and I nod and he nods back which hopefully means we're going to forget we tried to kill each other just about five years ago.

I see another imperial ship land as I feel Din starts to move beneath my hand, "Hey easy," I say as I help him up.

Din looks down to see more troopers. "That's it we got to get out of here!" He tries again to get through the force field only to get pushed back.

"Why would you try that again?" I ask him.

"What do you suggest we do?"

"Protect him."

Din nods and we run down the hill ready for a fight.

We find Bobas's friend surrounded by troopers. Din stands on the rock right behind us and lets off his charges which are able to take down a few. He jumps off the rock and we start to move in closer. We stand behind Din because blaster shots can't go through beskar. From behind, however, we are able to get a good amount of stormtroopers but its not looking good for us. We are severely outnumbered. Before I can lose all hope a charge drops out of the sky causing some troopers to blow up.

Before I can even process what happened Boba Fett in his Mandalorian armor drops out of the sky and saves the day. The three of us continue shooting at the troopers, not one of us missing. I turn to get the last of the troopers but I see them running away from Boba pilling inside their ships.

As their ships take off Boba titles his head making a rocket shoot out hitting one of the ships and making it go down in flames. Boba walks over to us, "Nice shot," Din compliments him.

"I was aiming for the other one," He turns to look at me, "Are we good?"

"Promise not to try and push me into a Sarlacc pit?"

"I can do that."

We hear a blast causing all of us to look up at the sky to see a red charge coming down and before I know it, it hits the razor crest causing it to go up in flames. I gasp my hands covering my mouth in shock as I feel sadness and angry flow through me. If this is how I feel I can't even begin to imagine how Din is feeling. He's standing in front of me stiff as a bored showing no sign of emotion but I know underneath there he's hurting but we can't stay here and mourn for long because the kid is on that rock alone.

"Mando the kid!" Din turns around snapping out of it as he darts up the hill. Boba leaves to get his ship leaving the three of us here.

Out of the imps ship in the sky comes what seems like four droids and I know exactly who they are going for. We try our hardest to run up this hill but having to navigate around these rocks is slowing us down and whatever is coming for the kid is gaining on us.

I see them get to the top before us. My heart starts to race in fear. All of for of whatever is it surrounds the kid whos just laying on the rock. I feel like I'm close I feel like I should be there already but I'm not. I'm not there before one of them grabs the kid off the rock and they all fly away.

"No!" I scream trying to run forward but Din wraps his arm around my waist holding me back, "Let me go! No!" but it's too late because the kid is out of my sight. I quickly wipe away the tear that escaped and Din lets go of me.

"They've got the baby. Don't let them get away," Fennec says to Boba through her comlink.

"Affirmative." after a few seconds he says he has a lock on them.

"Stop him," Din says, "I don't want the Child hurt."

"Abort pursuit. Disengage," Fennec tells Boba, "Do not harm the child."

"Copy. I'll do a loose follow, see where they're headed." We watch as the ships fly above the clouds, "They're back."

"Who?"

"The Empire they're back."

-

Din and I stand in the wreckage of the razor crest. Everything is gone. "Guess I'll have to make use of these clothes for a while." Humor lingers in my voice. "You know if you think about it.,  it's funny, this is twice my home as blown up. I mean how many people can-'' Din steps in front of me putting his hands on my shoulders stopping my babbling. I see the little ball Grogu played within one of Din's hands, "What are we gonna do? We have no ship, we don't-"

He puts the ball in my hand and he closes my fingers around it, "Aurora we'll figure it out okay?"

I nod, "Okay."

-

Bobba and Fennec offer to help us get the kid back, right now they are in the cockpit while Din and I are in the hull of Bobas ship.

"How do we find Gideon's ship?" I ask Din.

"Do you know anyone imperial?" I just stare at him because he knows the answer. It looks like he's thinking for a moment for saying, "Remember when we went to that prison-"

"No."

"Aurora-"

"He tried to kill us. And we left him to die why would he help us?"

"If we break him out of jail he might."

I scoff, "How do you suggest we do that?"

"Do you think you have any pull with the new republic?"

"I'm one of the reasons they even exist so I better."

-

We land at the scrap yard the republic has the prisoners working on. I walk up to the women in the republic uniform who is probably overseeing things.

"Can I help you?" She asks.

"Yeah um- I'm Aurora Janren-"

"Wait like the rebel spy the commander?"

"That's the one yeah, you see one of your prisoners has information I need," the look she gives me is not very hopeful but I'm desperate, "Look whats left of the empire took my kid and one of your prisoners here can help me get him back. Please."

"Tell the droid the name of the prisoner and it'll take you to him."

"Thank you. So much." She nods and goes back to work.

I tell the droid his names and like she said it takes me to him.

We walk through the scrapyard of from what I can tell broken-down tie fighters. It's loud, every prisoner basically banging on the rusty metal. The prisoners give me dirty looks but I ignore used to being stared at now since I met Din.

We finally get to Mayfeld, "Inmate three-four-six-seven," The droid says causing Mayfeld to turn around

He groans, "What? What?" he rips off his google annoyed turning around. He spots me and freezes like a statue.

"Mayfeld it's good to see you."

"A-Aurora, what- what are you doing here?"

"Getting you out of here." He looks at me confused, "We need your help. You're the only one we know who can."

"What do I get out of it?"

I look around, "Getting outta here."

"No, it's fine sounds dangerous I'm good." He puts his goggles down turning back around.

"They took my kid. I don't know what else to do."

He faces me again, "The little green guy?"

"Yeah. Your imperial-"

"That was a long time ago."

"But you still remember your protocols right?" He nods, "Will you help us?"

He steps off the tie fighter he was standing on, "Yeah."

-

On the ship, Din tells him that we need the coordinates to Moff Gideon's cruiser.

"I can't get those coordinates until I have access to an internal Imperial terminal. I believe there's one on Morak."

"Morak? There's nothing on Morak," Din points out.

"It's a secret Imperial mining hub, okay? If you can get me in there, I can get you the coordinates."

Din looks at me, "Sneaking onto imperial bases is my thing."

"Alright, let's go."

-

Standing on a hill overlooking I go over the plan, "Mayfeld and I will take out the drivers once we're on the base he gets the coordinates. Boba you fly the ship to the roof and pick us up." Boba nods accepting his task.

"As much as I would love to go with you Aurora this base is run by ex-ISB which means they scan genetic code and that's something tells me-"

"That I used to be wanted by them yeah. You know things were much easier when they would just scan a card I could steal." I sigh, "Fennec?"

"Also wanted."

I look at Boba, "They'll recognize you won't they?"

"Yeah," He agrees.

"I'll go," Din says.

"Don't you think a Mandalorian walking in there will be suspicious?"

"I'll just go in alone," Mayfeld says.

"You're not going alone," Din says, "I'm going with you."

-

After easily taking out the drivers we strip them of their armor. Din is changing behind me there's a wall covering him but he insists that stand in front just in case.

I hear rustling for a few minutes, "Okay." I turn around to see him in the grey imperial armor, "How do I look?"

"I'm sure you've looked worse." His head hangs low a little. I put my hand on the side of the helmet, this one is a lot less could then the beskar, "Hey your not breaking any codes. No one will see your face. You're still a Mandalorian. Just get in there and get out and you can put the beskar back on in no time." He puts his forehead to him and I hear him take a deep breath before handing me the bag of his armor.

"Protect this for me." "With my life."

-

I made sure to put Din's armor on the ship where I know it'll be safe.

Fennec and I stand on a hill overlooking the roof with blasters waiting for them to come out.

"And then they were gone just like that and no one has seen them since."

"I didn't even know purrgil were real."

"Neither did I but my friend took a liking to them."

"Did you ever go looking for him?"

"We tried but we had a war to fight. I looked for about a year after the war but it was no use I just accepted the fact that he's gone forever."

Before she can respond we hear shooting out of the window comes Din and Mayfeld. Fennec tells Boba to make his way over here. Both of us aim our weapons. I look through the scope trying to see a trooper about to shoot at Din and Mayfeld who are climbing up a ladder to get to the roof but before the trooper can aim his weapon I get him easily.

Fennec fires two shots, "Three shooters top deck."

"Got it." I aim my weapons. I shoot one in the shoulder making him fall off the roof. I get the other two in the head.

Above I hear Bobas ship coming in to pick them up. Fennec and I keep successfully hitting all the troopers never missing once. The ship stops at the edge of the roof. Boba drops the ramps and Din and Mayfeld jump on.

Once they're inside Fennec and I put our guns down. As we wait for the ship to pick us up the whole base just explodes?

Fennec and I look at each other in confusion.

"Okay then."

-

Din is back in his armor. Instead of taking Mayfeld back to prison, we decided to let him go. Fennec and Boba are in the cockpit taking us to wherever these coordinates are leaving me and Din alone.

"Something happened," Din says catching me off guard.

"What was it?"

"I got the coordinates I had to," he stops for a moment and I just wait, giving him time to say it on his own, "I had to take off my helmet." He practically whispers the last part.

I take a deep breath, processing the information, I grab his hand, "You did what you had to do and now we can get him back." I squeeze his hand, "I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I'll never truly understand but I need you to know that you are still a Mandalorian and nothing I mean nothing can take that away from you." When I first met Din the most important thing to him was the creed and his code but today he broke that to save Grogu. I feel bad wishing that I could have gone to help so he wouldn't have to. So he wouldn't have to be going through this right now.

"When I imagined taking off my helmet for the first time in front of a living thing I always imagined it'd be you."

My heart raced at the thought of finally seeing his face, "Really?"

He removes his hand from mine to hold my check, "Of course cyar'ika, I love you. Soon. I promise. As soon as we get him back."

"I can live with that."

taglist: @tortles​

#pedro pascal #the mandaorian #the mandalorain x reader #the mandalorian x oc #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin #mando #mando x reader #mando x oc #grogu #bobba fett #agent whiskey #Oberyn Martell #pero tovar #Javier Pena #agent whiskey x reader #star wars #star wars fan fic #star wars x reader #star wars x oc

[bellemorte180]

Wanderlust Epilogue

One Year Later

Klaus walked down the streets of London, the city still waking from a deep sleep on an early Saturday morning. He weaved in and out of the few people he passed, his umbrella in hand; knowing that the skies could open at any given moment. A small smirk played on his lips as he saw the double decker bus drive past and stopped at the cross walk. He had forgotten just how much he missed this city when he fled it nearly sixteen years earlier. He took a deep breath, feeling the slight summer chill that only an early morning in England could bring; not able to stop the smile that spread across his face.

For the past eight months, Klaus found himself living in the city and found that he held no regrets on choosing to relocate. He found a decent sized terraced house in the middle of the city and for the first time in his adult life, Klaus touched his inheritance from his mother and Mikael in order to buy it. It was close enough to his siblings that he saw them more frequently than he had before; finding that both a blessing and a curse.

He saw Rebekah and Elijah the most. Rebekah worked in London and he discovered that being near her helped him grieve the loss of his friend. When Klaus was in New Orleans, helping a grieving Celeste mourn her grandson, Rebekah showed up on her doorstep; silently doing what she could to help. She arranged the funeral when Celeste broke down; even sitting quietly on the porch in the southern heat, listening as Celeste spoke about Marcel in excruciating detail. Klaus could hear Rebekah cry herself to sleep on those nights; doing something he had not don’t since Rebekah was a small child, Klaus went into her room and held her until she fell asleep. Neither spoke on it but the siblings held a silent agreement; Marcel was someone they both loved and lost. It was in that moment he knew that he wanted to be more involved with their family than he had been in the past.

Despite the fact that Elijah, his wife Katerina and their now eighteen-month-old daughter lived just outside the city limits, he would often make the drive to see them. His life had changed completely, and he honestly could not help but think back to where he was a year previously. He was in such a complete dark place that he thought that he would never be able to dig himself out. He would be lying if he said that he was completely healed but life was better now that he stopped diving into the mind of serial killers and stopped punishing himself for Mikael’s sins.

And then there was her.

Klaus paused on a corner that stood before a small café that specialized in early morning tea. Despite being back in England, Klaus was still a coffee drinker and it was a habit that Elijah couldn’t break in him; not that he tried that hard, enjoying teasing his younger brother on his drink of choice rather than breaking it. Klaus gazed at the café and the woman who sat there with a brown dog that was waiting patiently at her feet.

Her hair was shorter than the last time he saw her; resting just above her chin. She was skinnier than he remembered but he knew that she was still having nightmares; more frequently as the one-year anniversary of Matt’s death approached. She was in a blue sundress, a white cardigan and sandals; she had never looked more beautiful to him, although he said that every time, he laid eyes on her after being apart for some time.

“Caroline!” Klaus called, not caring about the dirty looks he got by those who passed by him. He knew she hated being approached unexpectedly, with good reason, so Klaus always made sure to announce his presence when he saw her. Caroline popped her head up, a wide smile gracing her features. The dog perked his head up and started wagging his tail widely; unable to run to Klaus due to his leash.

He crossed the street and walked up to her; Caroline all but bounced out of her seat. She threw her arms around his neck and Klaus pulled her close to him. He inhaled her scent and just basked in the feeling of having her in his arms again; it had been three months since he had seen her last, a small weekend trip to Barcelona in order to celebrate being off his probationary period at his new job.

“I wondered when you would show your face.” Caroline teased him with a wide smile. Her blue eyes sparkled with happiness and mirth; something that he loved to see. While Caroline was always beautiful to him, happiness only enhanced that loveliness. “A woman does not like to be kept waiting.”

“My apologize. I had to kick my other girlfriend out of the townhouse.” Klaus teased, knowing perfectly well how empty his house typically was. Caroline rolled her eyes and stood on her tiptoes and kissed him gently, letting her lips linger against his. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Caroline whispered softly before pulling away and sitting down on the chair. Enzo, who was still wagging is tail and waiting to be acknowledged began to whine. Klaus smiled and bent down to pet the dog, who was now trying to lick Klaus’s face. “Enzo, down. Behave.” Enzo didn’t listen and if Klaus was honest, he didn’t mind. He would never mention it aloud, but he had grown rather fond of the mutt and whenever Caroline made the trip to London, he was just as excited to see the brown dog as he was the dog’s master. Klaus gave Enzo one last pat before taking a seat across from Caroline. “I ordered you a black coffee and got a really nasty look from the server. I think she mentioned about something being a bloody American?”

“Well, Love. She wouldn’t be wrong.” He reached across the table and gripped her hand; his eyes spying the never-ending pink suitcase that had been Caroline’s constant companion for the past year. It wasn’t that Caroline fled Mystic Falls but for the past several months, but she had taken every single work trip that was tossed her way; rarely staying in one place for a long period of time. The wanderlust that she always had resurfaced with full force. Klaus knew that she was trying to prove something, not just to herself, but to Matt as well. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Caroline’s face flushed red and Klaus smiled so wide that his dimples became pronounced as the server came back with their two coffees and what looked like a muffin for Caroline. Klaus remembered the exact moment he knew for sure that he loved her. He had spent four months in New Orleans, helping Celeste and just trying to figure out where he was going in life. During that time, he spoke with Caroline almost on a daily basis. Three weeks after Marcel’s funeral, she made the trip down to see him; unable to stand Mystic Falls any longer and the chaos that was left in the wake of Matt’s death.

Celeste insisted on meeting the woman she claimed captured his heart; a fact that Rebekah had teased him mercilessly on. Although Rebekah refused to admit that she adored Caroline and the friendship that bloomed between them slightly terrified Klaus. Then one night he awoke alone in the bed, terrified that Caroline had another nightmare. She had but what he found broke his heart. In the middle of Celeste’s kitchen, he found Caroline comforting the old woman as she broke down over the loss of Marcel. Celeste spent the majority of her time in tears and its part of the reason why Klaus stayed in New Orleans for so long. Caroline was suffering and barely hanging on by a thread and yet, she spent her evening comforting someone else. Seeing her hold Celeste’s hand and just listening had an impact on Klaus that he never experienced.

The love he felt for her hit him like a tidal wave.

“I love you too.” Caroline leaned across the table and gave him another kiss. The kiss lingered for a bit longer than either one intended, but it had been three months since they last saw one another, and Klaus was unsure how long Caroline would be in London; for she did not give him an exact time frame. Caroline pulled away and went back to eating her muffin. “So, how is working treating you?”

“It’s good. Really good. The beauty about white collar crime is that it is never boring, but I’m home every day no later than six.” Caroline brightened at the news. When Klaus landed the job with Scotland Yard’s white-collar division, no one was more excited than Caroline. “And having the weekends off is nice too.”

“I agree.” They shared a small smile, knowing full well that Klaus would take a weekend and go to whatever country in Europe Caroline was in at the time; given that it was a train ride away. The memories they created, far away from Mystic Falls where some that he held dear. “Look at you, working nine to five and staying in one place. I’m proud of you.”

“Well, not all of us can jet set off around the world.” Klaus teased her back and Caroline laughed, a sound that he dearly loved to listen too. Klaus made a promise to himself that he would hear her laugh at least once every day, even when they were in different countries. After everything she had been through, Klaus thought it was only just that she had as much laughter in her life as possible. “How was the train ride in from Paris? I would have picked you up at the station.”

“I know but my train left early and plus, I like meeting you at a random café. It’s our thing.” It was their thing. Wherever she was, they would meet at a small café of her choosing and they would have coffee together in the morning before spending their weekend together; or longer depending on the trip she was on. “That and I might have told you a slight fib.”

“Oh?”

“Nothing major…well okay it is major, but I wanted to surprise you.” Caroline told him in a chipper voice that had him narrowing his eyes. “So, about a month ago my boss pulled me into her office. I was already set to do the Paris trip when she gave me an offer. The company wants to expand their London branch and she wanted to know if I would be interested in overseeing it. The job would be more nine to five than what I’m doing now and would require less travel. I mean I would still travel but-”

“What are you saying?” Klaus’s heart began to beat faster and wondered if she meant what he was thinking. He had made it no secret that he wanted to take the next step with Caroline but knew that she needed time to sort out her feelings. She had a rough year and the last thing he wanted to do was push her. “Caroline?”

“I’m moving to London-“ Klaus did not let her finish, having all but leapt across the table to kiss her with far more passion than the kiss they shared earlier had been. Caroline could not help but laugh into his lips nor the bright smile that was on his as they broke apart. “Well, if I was going to get that reaction, I might have told you sooner. You’re going to have to tell your other girlfriend that its over though.”

“There is no other woman, Caroline.” It was a small joke between the two of them and Klaus knew it was born out of the trust between them. Neither Klaus nor Caroline wanted to be with anyone else, but they acknowledged that they were not ready to be completely serious right away. Their friendship and eventual relationship blossomed out of late-night calls, video chats and frequent trips to random cities over Europe. “Are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want to push you. I don’t want you to move to England just for me.”

“I’m not Klaus.” She took his hand. “You are a big incentive for me moving here. Not only that but this job is a big opportunity for me as well. I’m pretty much going to be the boss and that’s is something we both know I’ll excel at.” Klaus full on laughed at hearing her say that. If Caroline was good at anything, it was being in control. “And I don’t like being in Mystic Falls. It’s not home anymore and I just hate being there.”

“I know.” Klaus knew how hard it was for Caroline to be in the town that was home to her own personal monster. There were times when Klaus was getting ready to head to work some mornings and he would get a call from Caroline because she was suffering from a nightmare. Matt was always the center of them, either successful in killing her, her loved ones or even Klaus being the one killed instead of Marcel. The list went on and on; living in Mystic Falls only made it worse. “I just want to know you’re ready to settle. It’s only been a year, Sweetheart.”

“I’ve traveled more this past year than I ever had before. I’ve been to Bulgaria, Russia, Italy, France more times than I can count, and all over the United States. I’m tired and I am ready to stay in one place.” Caroline gave his hand a squeeze. “And I’m ready for more. I’m ready to really be with you. I love you and I’ve known that for a while. I just needed time and you gave that to me.”

“I intend to be your last love Caroline. Take all the time you need.” Klaus told her. He knew that she was it for him. While he hated the way they had met and wished he could take the scabbed over wounds away, he would not trade her for anything. He loved her. His family loved her. He wanted to do all the things a man did with a woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with; he just needed her to be ready.

“I’m ready. I promise.” They shared a smile and Enzo let out a groan; the two of them forgetting that he was there. They looked down at the impatient dog and Klaus nodded. They paid for their small breakfast and Caroline grabbed her suitcase while Klaus rounded up Enzo; the dog overly excited to be moving along somewhere else other than being tied to a chair. Caroline grabbed Klaus’s umbrella and faceted onto her suitcase while Klaus continued to try and calm Enzo down; who now realized he was going on another walk.

Caroline reached for his free hand, linking their fingers together before they headed off down the street. The city was becoming livelier than it had been previously and the pair passed a few people along the way that clearly appeared to be having a bad day; but Klaus did not care. The woman he loved was holding his hand and everything in his life seemed to shine just a tiny bit brighter.

Caroline was coming home.

They reached the house quickly, it only being a fifteen-minute walk from the café and Klaus eagerly let her inside the front door. The first thing to be seen upon walking into the house was a thin staircase that lead up to the second floor. There was an archway that lead into the living room and a long hallway that lead to the kitchen. Klaus bent down and unhooked the leash from Enzo’s collar; letting the dog run wild into the house.

Caroline made her way down to the kitchen, her laugh bouncing off the walls as she watched Enzo run around excitedly after having been on a train for a few hours. Klaus watched as she opened the back door and let the dog run wild in his fenced in back yard; something he had in mind when he bought the house because the idea of Caroline and her dog one day moving in with him was appealing, even if it was nothing more than a day dream at the time.

Klaus watched as Caroline moved around the kitchen, pulling a glass from the cabinet and filling it with the orange juice from the refrigerator. She was speaking to him. He heard her voice, but it was hard for him to focus on the words when she was in his home doing something so mundane as pouring a glass of orange juice and had every intention of staying there for the rest of her life.

“I sold my old house, well, in the middle of it. There is some negotiation on the buyers end but it’s as good as theirs. Mom and Bonnie helped me pack up everything and Mom is going to ship it here over the next few weeks. Now that she is retired, she doesn’t have much going on. Oh, she is coming for Christmas by the way.” Caroline took a drink of her orange juice and continued to prattle on. “The big-ticket items are being given away, except my couch. Yours sucks so whenever mine gets here, we are getting rid of-what are you doing?”

“I love you.” Klaus wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned down to kiss her again. He could listen to Caroline talk a mile a minute about everything under the sun but in that moment, he wanted to kiss her for the first time in their home. The kiss turned passionate and Caroline pressed her body as closely to Klaus as she possibly could. “I really love you.”

Klaus reached down and scooped her up into his arms; slowly lowering them to the ground. Caroline’s back rested against the fluffy rug, that Rebekah helped pick out, that was in front of his sink. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders as their lips molded together again. She spread her legs in order for Klaus to rest between them; his covered erection making contact with Caroline’s core, her dress having rode up to her waist revealing a lacy white panty set that made Klaus wonder if there was a matching bra that went along with it.

“Klaus.” Caroline muttered out as his lips trailed from her lips down her jaw line. She hissed as his teeth nipped at her earlobe. “Are we really having sex on your kitchen floor? There is a bed upstairs.”

“Our kitchen.” Klaus lightly corrected. “And the beds too far. Next round.”

“Next round?”

“Oh Sweetheart, we’re not leaving this house until at least Monday morning.” With that Klaus leaned down and kissed her again; his hands pushing the white cardigan off her shoulders; Caroline slipping her arms of the of sleeves while Klaus trailed a line of kisses down her collarbone. Caroline moaned as his teeth nipped at the skin right above the bone. Klaus slowly dragged her blue sundress over her breasts revealing a matching strapless bra. He leaned in and kissed the tops of her breasts, his tongue peaking tracing the valley between her breasts. He knew it had been a few months since he last had been with her but having her beneath him again, only confirmed how much he desperately loved her.

His hand made its way up her toned legs and slipped his fingers onto the center of the panties and pulled them down, tossing them over his shoulder. He traced a finger up and down her slit, feeling how wet she was for him. He circled her entrance before slowly pushing a finger inside her. Caroline arched against the hardwood floor; moaning Klaus’s name as she did. He added another finger and then slowly began thrusting them in and out of her. His thumb pressed against the bundle of nerves; causing her to cry out.

“Klaus. Hmm. Don’t stop.” Caroline’s eyes were shut tight and Klaus watched her face with rapid attention. He took in each and every moment of her pleasure; how she bit her lip and how her one had grasped the wooden cabinet, digging her nails into it. He could see her eye fluttering behind her closed eyelids and when the moment the cord snapped inside her, her walls pulsing around his fingers, he watched as her mouth opened; forming an ‘O’ shape. As she slowly climbed down from her eye, a smile graced her lips.

Klaus pulled his fingers from her and Caroline gave a light chuckle. Caroline’s eyes locked with his and she tossed him a coy smile; Klaus only returning it with a dimpled one of his own. He quickly pulled his Henley over his head and tossed onto the ground. He reached down and unbuckled his pants enough for him to pull them just down over his thighs. Caroline opened her arms and Klaus crawled over her, allowing her to wrap her arms around his shoulders. She buried her fingers into his hair and pulled him down for a searing kiss.

Reaching between them, Klaus aligned himself with her entrance and slowly pushed in; not stopping for a condom as he knew that Caroline had an IUD inserted several months ago and neither one of them had any other sexual partners. Caroline whimpered into his ear while Klaus’s jaw slacked at the feeling of her surrounding him again. Allowing themselves a moment to adjust, Klaus pulled out before slowly thrusting back inside. His hips created a soft rhythm that teased and tantalized them both.

“I love you.” Klaus whispered in her ear; her hips meeting him thrust for thrust. “I think I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. You are so beautiful, strong, and compassionate that I couldn’t help what I feel for you. You’ve took over my senses and brought so much light into my life.” He leaned down and kissed her on the lips again. “I want everything with you. I want to wake up next to you. I want you to be the first thing I see and the last before I go to sleep. I want to hear your laugh when I come home and for you to roll your eyes at me when I do something ridicules”.

“Klaus. Please. I love you too.” Caroline whispered, a series of happy tears pooling in her eyes. She brought his head down to hers, kissing him deeply as she wrapped her legs around his waist; changing the angle of his thrusts ever so slightly. “Don’t stop loving me. Please.”

“All I want to do is love you. I want to love you every day and every night. One day I want marry you and have children with you. I want to hold your hand and grow old with you. I want to build a life with you here or in Paris or anywhere. Pick a place and I’ll be there.” Klaus stilled over her, his orgasm coming on by surprise and spilled himself inside her. “Sorry...”

“Don’t be. I’m happy.” Caroline told him with happy tears still lingering in her eyes. Klaus leaned down and kissed her again before rolling off of her. He laid against the wood floor and pulled up his pants. Caroline propped her head up against the palm of her hand while her elbow rested on the wood flooring. Her finger reached out and traced a small line down his chest and then back up; biting her lip deep in thought. “I’ve thought long and hard about this and everything you said. I want it too. I want a home and yours is here now. Mine stopped being home a long time ago. I love you and want to build that life you described with you.”

He knew that she did. All those plans they had made over the last several months were slowly coming to fruition. Klaus just needed to know that she was ready. The last thing he wanted from her was regret that they moved too soon; but he knew that he needed to trust her. All of her wounds were not magically healed in the span of a year, but Klaus knew that he would be there to hold her when she needed it. He never wanted Caroline to face what she had during Matt’s reign in Mystic Falls again. Klaus wanted to hold her up high when she succeeds and catch her when she fell; he wanted to be her partner in all things, even in her darkest of moments. Klaus reached up to touch her face, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb. All the words he wanted to say were dying on his lips, but he knew that she understood.

But before he could say anything at all, the two of them heard a series of barking outside the back door. Klaus and Caroline tilted their heads to see Enzo going crazy outside the door, his tail wagging wildly. They shared a quick glance at one another and broke out laughing.

“I suppose we should let him in.” Klaus said in a light manner and pulled himself off the floor, holding out his hand to Caroline. Without a second thought, she gripped it and he pulled her to her feet. With a final kiss on the top of her head, he moved to the back door in order to let Enzo inside. The dog burst through the door and all but ran into the living room; assuming to find the toys that Klaus still kept around the house during their visits.

He looked over his shoulder and saw Caroline standing in the hallway with a small smile on her lips. She tilted her head; gazing at him with a hint of mischief in her eyes. Slowly, she dropped the blue sundress that she was holding up around her body and let it fall to the floor. She reached behind her and tossed the bra on the ground as well. Klaus took a step forward, but Caroline held up a finger, stalling him. A saucy smile played on her lips and before Klaus could move, Caroline took off running up the stairs; her laughter ringing the entire way. Without a second thought, Klaus took off after her. When he caught up with her on the second landing, Caroline joyful squeal could be heard echoing throughout the house.

Caroline settled into London with ease and built a life for herself, but she was never fully able to let go of the wanderlust Matt so desperately wanted to stamp out of her. Yet, no matter where her travels took her, Klaus knew he would always be there to welcome her home.

Fin.

A/N:  I'm half asleep posting this and I'm just in shock honestly. I cannot believe that its done and over. A couple things:

First) I want to say thank you to everyone who read Wanderlust and fell in love with it. I've gotten so many positive comments, reviews and just support from the fandom, more than I could have ever thought of. I never imagined how this story would have turned out or the massive response I got. 

Second) I'm not doing a sequel. The last chapter and epilogue are pretty final. HOWEVER that does not mean I won't do an future outtake here or there if the mood strikes. I have nothing in the works BUT it could happen. If it does, I'll do what I did with the Just Good Business outtake and tack it onto the end of this story...

Finally) I'm doing a Q&A tomorrow (feel free to send asks today if you feel like it). Basically, its all Wanderlust related and nothing is off limits with this story. You have questions, I'll answer. Again, I just want to say thank you to everyone who read this story and became invested. Thank you to @klavscaroline​ for creating the betting pool and to all those who participated. Thank you to @klarolineagainnaturally​ for making the amazing banner I used when posting on Tumblr.

Just thank you.

Erica

#klaroline #Wanderlust #the final chapter

[lucifer-kane]

This got away from me! But oh my god I had so much fun writing it. 

Elijah saw a lot after he was told about the magic world, now that he could actually see it and what it was like. But he never expected to see Christopher, as something he never thought the man could become in all his life.

Torn and broken, arms long and curling with claws as sharp as razors, a cracked ravens skull in place of an actual head, bright blue shining spots that were probably eyes. A body that was a void of black, like it was splitting the world where the thing stood.

But there was something about the creature, when Elijah and Morgan went up to it, slow and steady. Morgan held out her hand first, a pleading in her eyes as she held back the tears in her eyes. The creature... Christopher... shifts forward and presses its skull against Morgan’s palm, the sound coming from it something like a whine. Pained and incredibly sad.

“Darling we’re here to help.” Elijah whispers, and one of Christopher’s eyes shifts to him for a moment, before closing once more.

“I’m not losing you to yourself Christopher.” Morgan’s voice is harsh and bordering on angry, and the creature makes another pained noise before crumpling to the ground.

“Let the man die already, or succumb to himself.” The voice is flat and bored, and Elijah looks up to the man above him, looking too much like Christopher for comfort. But still different enough. The twins’ father, or as they call him more than that, the one who created them. With help of course. He was looking at Christopher with a bored expression, but a glint of something in his eyes that showed excitement at the thought of his creation finally becoming what he was supposed to be.

“Even now, I don’t think either of those things are going to happen.” Elijah says as he puts one hand on Christopher’s arm, the feeling is strange, the arm not like a person’s. Cold and.... hollow?

“What do you know of him? He doesn’t even love you like you want him to.” Elijah scoffs, a sound so very close to a laugh.

“Imagine if that were true. Oh you don’t know him at all.”

“Maybe so.” The man chuckles, dark and deep, before vanishing into the fog.

“Will he be okay?” Elijah turns to Christopher’s twin. She shrugs slightly.

“It’s been a long time since he’s been in this form. It’s scary and it drains him, we need to let him come back to himself then get him somewhere he can rest.” Elijah nods and turns back towards Christopher. Together the two sit with the creature, speaking words of love and hope, and it takes some time, but Christopher comes back to himself. Form almost melting away to his old self, still curled up in the grass and flowers of the fields outside of Helimire. He still doesn’t wake, but Morgan and Elijah take him through the tunnels under Helimire’s streets and take him to the castle, he’s the safest there, and there he rests for a week before coming around again.

Christopher presses his hand against his face as he wakes, slow and groggy, god it felt like his head was stuffed full with cotton. He opens one eye enough to look around, slightly startled to see Prince William at the side of his bed. Well. He shouldn’t be super shocked, they were friends, growing close during the war. He, Elijah, and Christopher were known to flirt amongst one another on occasion over the years.

“Someone’s here to see the light of day once again.” Christopher can’t help his laugh, William grins at his friend, reaching out to squeeze his hand gently.

“If you get me some water I’ll be here quicker.” His voice comes out like a rasp and he makes a face, even with his slightly better healing in general, he nearly killed himself with what he did, and for what? At this point even he’s not sure.

“Right away.” It’s only a moment before William returns, placing a broad hand on Christopher’s back to sit him up, gentle and kind, holding the glass with his other hand to help Christopher drink slowly. He finishes more than half of it before he slumps back against the headboard.

“Fucking hell it all still hurts.” He bites out.

“Well from what I heard, you did a lot.” William brushes hair from Christopher’s face, thick fingers brushing gently against now gaunt cheeks.

“Nearly killed myself.” Christopher mumbles angrily to himself.

“But you’re here now, safe with your friends and family.” Christopher rubs at his temple, he adores William, but sometimes the man was too optimistic for him. But it was a welcome change at times.

“Speaking of. Where’s my sister... and... Elijah?”

“I’ll go get them.” William stands and bends once to kiss the top of Christopher’s head. He’s back within five minutes and then Christopher has a bed full of his twin, curling around him, hugging him tight.

“I love you too kiddo.”

“Asshole”

“I know.” Christopher wraps his arms around his twin and buries his face in her hair. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracks. Morgan pulls back and sits on the edge of the bed and pinches his cheeks and he makes a face.

“Don’t do that again.” Morgan scolds, poking his forehead afterwards. He chuckles.

“I don’t think I can promise that.”

“At least pretend?”

“That I can do.”

Christopher turns his head, looking to the man standing in the doorway of the room they’re all in. He feels his sister pat his arm before moving to another part of the room, sitting on the couch there with William, the two of them start up a conversation.

“Hello Elijah.”

“My Lord.” The name flows out of Elijah’s mouth with ease, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a grin, one that Christopher returns happily. Elijah sits down next to the older man on the bed and leans their shoulders together, resting a hand over Christopher’s knee under the thin blanket covering his legs. 

“How are you feeling?” Elijah asks, voice soft. 

“Not the greatest, but probably better than I should be feeling after what I did. It’s not something I’ve done in a very long time, it took a lot out of me. Thought I’d be out longer than I was, even if I woke up at all.” 

“What happened last time? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“I was lost for a long time, mostly to myself. Morgan didn’t hear from me for about two years, I showed back up in a blooming Helimire and... acted if nothing had happened. Morgan was mad at me for a time, understandably so. I don’t remember much else.” Christopher puts his hand over Elijah’s curling his fingers around the man’s hand and holding tight.

“I scared myself then, more than ever before. Being back in that state a week ago, I was feeling different, scared, but ready to take whatever was about to come by way. I think that if I would have died then, I would have been fine with it, I’m ready at this point.” Christopher’s shoulders slump and Elijah leans in closer, the man at his side seems utterly exhausted, and not just because he woke up from a week-long coma either. 

“Have you or your sister figured out a way to take away your immortality?” 

“Not yet, we’re still working on it, honestly at this point I’d do anything to reverse it at this point, I think I have an idea in mind, but I don’t want to think on that right now.” Elijah leans over and kisses his temple softly before he speaks again. 

“And you don’t have to, right now all you should focus on is your own health getting back to how it once was, and the future of Helimire since… well the war is finally over.” Christopher’s head perks up at that a bit, his eyes growing wide ever so slightly. He looks to Elijah and the biggest smile forms on his face. 

“It is, oh that’s right!” He laughs and stands from the bed, moving to the large window in the room. 

“Christopher!” Comes three voices, Elijah, Morgan, and William all attempting to pull him back to the bed in the room once again, but Christopher ignores them and pushes back the curtains in the window that looks over Helimire proper. 

Below him in the city was a marvel, the word of the war that had been going on nearly a decade was finally over, had passed through the city like wildfire, and was now celebrating the marvelous joy. Christopher looked at the bright colored banners flying over the city and planted around it, people going about their day to day lives with more cheer and happiness than they’ve had in some time. Everyone in that room looks down on the city with a smile on their faces, both at the joy radiating from the city, and from Christopher himself, as he looks over the city he loves so much finally safe and sound once again. 

“How long has the celebration been going on?” Christopher asks, still looking out the window, hands on the frame as finally speaks. 

“Started yesterday, there’s still people mourning, but there's joy in it now, remembering the happy times and all that. I think it’ll be going on for some time now.” Morgan says, bumping her shoulder against her twins with a grin. 

“We’ll have to do something then, for everyone.” 

“I think we can come up with something.” William says, leaning up against the wall next to Morgan as he looks outside, but smiles gently at Christopher. 

“Good. Good.” Christopher nods, kneeling slowly down to sit in the alcove by the window, Elijah following and sitting close. 

“You know.” Elijah’s voice comes from behind Christopher, then his arms are wrapping around the older man's neck from behind and resting his chin on the top of his head. He still has to stand on his toes to at least do that even if he is taller than Christopher. “There’s a joy in your movements alone that I haven’t seen from you darling.” Christopher curls his hands around Elijah’s wrists and chuckles. 

The two of them are outside, the sun is setting over the Helimire ocean behind them, a party going on in the gardens just 50 feet in front of them. They took some time to stand off to the side to watch over people celebrating and being happy, another week after Christopher woke up and a decent event could be planned. Not that people weren’t already celebrating, just now it’s something more official. 

“I’m just happy things are moving forward once again, and that the corruption of those bastards are no longer. We can finally make Helimire the city I know it can be, to move forward.” Christopher turns his head and kisses Elijah’s cheek softly. 

“So what do you have planned next, now that I feel you can finally relax.” He hears Christopher hum for a moment. 

“Not sure, but I sincerely hope a wedding is in the future.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yes, I think Mae and Morgan are thinking about it, something has to be coming sooner or later.” Christopher is grinning to himself and he breaks when Elijah pulls back and swats at his shoulder and scoffs a half offended thing. He starts laughing and has to hold himself up with his hands on his knees as he bends over, his laugh making his body shake. Elijah rolls his eyes and pulls his partner up and grabs his face in his hands and kisses him sweetly, slightly off due to Christopher’s giggles fading. 

“Glad you found that just so funny.” 

“Sorry, heart, I just couldn’t resist.” Christopher wraps his arms around Elijah and holds him close against his chest and kisses him again, soundly this time, nice and serious. “But I do mean us, finally, for the two of us.” 

“How soon?” Elijah asks. Christopher chuckles. 

“We’ll see, there’s still some things to do first, but soon enough. I won't make you wait much longer, I can promise you that.” 

“You better not.” 

“If he does I’ll just scoop him up.” William’s voice comes from near the party, coming closer as the two turn to look towards the voice. Christopher grins and tightens his grip on Elijah. 

“Oh no no. You may be the prince but this one is mine.” 

“Okay then.” William comes closer and wraps his arms around the both of them, pulling them both close. Christopher hums happily, pressed against two soft yet strong bodies. “How about we share?” 

“I think that works.” Both Elijah and Christopher say, grinning at the prince. 

#oc shit #original character #writing #original writing #it also is longer than i planned even tho i had no plan #also bringing back william bc i've missed him #2.1k words and i had so much fun doing this

[fymagnificentwomcn]

t’s truly something how all princes/sultans in tmck are so pressed…I get their life isn’t easy, but all that blaming & truly how it can affect everyone’s perception. Murad even accused his mother of faking an assassination attempt on her life, incredible *sarcasm of course*. And Atike was just his cheerleader most of the time, ugh. All that blaming by people who even weren’t there. Thanks for writing that piece!

Aww thank you so much! This piece is my magnum opus I guess lol (Link here:https://fymagnificentwomcn.tumblr.com/post/610970504341405696/no-she-isnt-the-whole-evil-k%C3%B6sem-thing-isnt )

Murad’s angry 24/7 & gets so ridiculous with blame-shifting – he would need a good anger management therapy LBR.

And there’s one scene that portrays his character in nutshell:

Doctor: you cannot drink anymore wine, Your Majesty.

Murad, literally 5 minutes later: Yusuf, bring me wine!

Murad in 1 minute, another example:

Kösem: Don’t marry Silahtar to Atike, you also have another sister and if you do it, it will end in tragedy!

Murad: No worriez, I’ve thought about Gevherhan, I will marry her to Kemankeş ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I mentioned a lot of blame-shifting in my previous posts, but he even at moment began questioning his mum about Gülbahar and whether she truly committed treason (and Gülbahar herself admitted to it).

Even when Atike asked him for permission to take children with her & Kösem to vaqf, he was totally okay with the idea, but later after kidnapping snapped at his mother that it was HER fault for gaving taken his sons there & began threatening her with exile far away. Charming as always.

Honestly, he’s like a broken record. In all his arguments, while Kösem has her logical arguments, his only argument is usually “I’m the only/rightful owner of Ottoman Empire, “I’m the shadow of God on Earth. Like dude do you realise how boring you are???

Don’t forget how mad he got when Kösem wrote to Kemankeş to have a backup plan if Murad died and Bayezid wanted to take the throne, which could have meant danger for other Kösem’s sons. After all, she didn’t take it from nothing, Gülbahar told her about assassination attempt to come & it actually already had happened by the time Murad received the letter. Yes, dude you are not immortal, you could have been killed, and life goes on you know? It doesn’t mean your mother doesn’t love you or is not going to mourn you, but she also needs to take care of your brothers and state ffs. He’s truly obsessed with this idea that after his death life will  (unfortunately in his view) go on – which is also meaningful since Kösem reminded him like two episodes earlier that state was going to remain even with both of them dead. And well we all know the “masterful” idea he conceived just before his death.

And it’s clear how even some of his siblings fear him – Gevherhan was scared immediately following the announcement of Kösem no longer being a regent (especially since he did in a way to put  blame on his mother for recent events to prop himself up, and he was also engaged in state matters at that point). Kasim also immediately fears being locked up in kafes or even executed. Judging by their conversations, despite problems going on, last 10 years were a peaceful time for their family.

As I said, out of all Kösem’s opponents only Handan and Derviş weren’t worse than her, and she was the only main player that never engaged in mass slaughter – Safiye, Halime&Co., Gülbahar&Sinan, Murad, Turhan - all did.

Same with Atike – she was a baby when when her father died, didn’t even spend her early years locked up as Ibrahim…. she’s honestly so blind it’s painful. The scene where she jumps at Kemankeş for trying to talk sense to Ibrahim not to appoint Genie Master as chief judge… please your brother is now acting contrary to Imperial law and it’s asking for further disaster if Cinci increases his influence among ulema by bringing people who pay him into it & it’s good Ibo is controlled in this way… nah, it’s actually necessary. And how you jump from this to your mother I have no idea either. A true performative “activist”, who talks about protecting her brother, but all is limited to talking  & exposing her moral superiority, while it’s not supported by any real actions helping him.

Well, you got your revenge on your mother for killing the husband who despised you, acted against your youngest brothers at that point, and likely was only praying you wouldn’t follow him also into afterlife.

I also forgot to mention one more example of Mu/rat manipulating the narrative – when he tells Atike following the failed dethronement attempt & Kasim’s death that their mother had lied to her and tried to kill him – he was after all put in kafes, he should be aware nobody planned an assassination attempt, bah he KNEW the whole plan from Sinan… and yes, Kösem being so adamant that nothing can happen to Mura/t cost her Kasim in the end.

Atike herself was aware that Mu/rat would have killed her brothers even if the dethronement attempt had not happened as she told him to his face after Kasim’s death and she stated that he had made the decision long ago. Later however she got the letter from Murad informing her who killed Silahtar and she even released Traitor No. 1 Sinan to spite her mum 😂.

I suppose princes at this point led the hardest existence because they were closed in kafes, unable to get decent education&experience or have families (maybe they were allowed to have sex with cariyes, but contraception had to be used or even abortion if the concubine of a sehzade has got pregnant) but at the same time they weren’t certain whether they wouldn’t be killed because the switch to anti-fratricide was pretty new&the times were turbulent. Osman clearly broke Imperial law by getting fetva from military judge to kill Mehmed, and Murad killed the biggest number of Ahmed’s sons obviously (yeah more than in the show because not all princes appeared in MYK, though we don’t know the exact number of Ahmed’s sons, Murad definitely also executed Suleiman, most likely his full brother). I laugh when people go about “rule-breaker” Murad. Wow by getting back to law that has already began to run its course, clap clap.

Murad was king of hypocrisy and it’s also a historical fact. As Halil İnalcık states in his book Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age: “ The tyrannical Murad IV was a habitual drinker and at the same time the most ruthless supporter of the prohibition againt alcohol”. Mu/rat tried to make use of religion in his attempts to drill absolute obedience, but he wasn’t a religious person himself & definitely tried to take from religion what it most suited him, while ignoring other things, e.g. he kept decreasing zakat, aka income tax that goes to charity. A small bit of trivia: apparently he was a big fan of Machiavelli’s The Prince, there were even some rumours that he translated the book himself (we can only imagine he also took from this book what he wanted 🤪 ).

Similarly Turhan manipulated the narrative, also in a hypocritical way – remember her going like: “how many padişahs you killed?” and she was the main force behind Ibo’s death… the moment Ibo told her that she “was a coward who hid behind his mother’s skirts”… it was clear he was doomed. There was explicit anger on Turhan’s side here. Not only because she felt insulted by him, but also because she felt a need to prove both to him and the world that she was capable to be on top without Kösem’s support.  Not to mention all her actions leading to Ibo’s situation, also her ordering Mehmed to sign his dad’s death order was so chilling “I don’t want dad to die”. Well, now let’s play morally pure, especially while murdering elderly (very elderly lbr :p) Haci in again a brutal way, including twisting his neck. It’s not even that she removed a padisah – she actively worked to make him crazier and for his rule to be total failure, it wasn’t even about her, Ibo or Kösem – whole nation suffered because she was impatient to take power into her hands./BTW pity we skipped the time period when they were both Valides and we know both tried to get rid of each other, without harming Mehmed/ And frankly even with Kösem it was a terrible & undeserved backstabbing because also Ibi criticised Turhan for this saying his mother always “loved and protected her, did so much for her” and I doubt Ibo was biased here considering that he was also on bad terms with his mum at that moment.

Later the situation truly calmed down & later princes could live much more peacefully because the practice of killing truly went out of style and also later there were less and less restrictions on princes and they could for example travel abroad with the reigning padişah. For example, Sultan Abdülaziz took princes for a European trip and they even had a chance to meet Queen Victoria.

And I laugh when people blame Kösem for “failing to protect the princes” instead of you know, blame the actual killer. Ahmed truly replenished dynasty, while Murad axed a number of his brothers, at the same time of course used his own propaganda. It is true that Murad executed the favourite of princes, Bayezid, during celebrations following the successful Revan campaign. Similarly, when Kasim was executed someone spread rumours about the prince impregnating a number of concubines & it was before the Baghdad campaign when even setting out on it Murad had to display his “splendour and glory”.

Show-wise I legit one read that Kösem killed Ahmed because she spared Bulbül following Safiye’s attempted coup lmao. It’s not like Ahmed wasn’t there when she made the decision & it’s not like it wasn’t Hümaşah who after all got Yasemin in, and I doubt anyone could oppose an Imperial princess anyway – she would have found another servant. And Bülbül later saved Kösem’s kids, so… scapegoating truly is in some people’s blood lmao.

I love how MYK played with the idea of historical representation & creation of narrative, how people “see” and how different factors might influence their perception & creation of narrative. And also how S2 put into different perspective some stuff from S1. I admit there were some things that back during first watch of MYKS1 made me go WTF? that I later understood when compared/contrasted with MYK S2. It’s clear that they truly planned a lot of the whole show back in S1.

It’s sometimes interesting how narratives may be created and repeated even without evidence supporting it - there is no historical evidence that Kösem took part in Osman’s dethronement, yet it is something that often pops up even in “historical articles” for example. People deduce since Kösem later became Valide quite soon because Mustafa’s (or rather Halime’s) reign didn’t last long, know Şehzade Mustafa’s (Suleiman’s son) story, and some rumours about what Ottoman women did to secure throne for their children, so they see getting rid of one’s stepson to claim throne for one’s child as logical and usual in Ottoman system,  even when there is no proper evidence backing it up. Because it seems natural and logical, so why not make it more spicy? We know next to nothing about Mahfiruz, but there is this “Betty vs Veronica” trope, so suddenly we learn that Mahfiruz was Kösem’s opposite, not politically involved or ambitious, but gentle & sweet, and even details like light hair pop up as opposed to Kösem’s dark hair (sometimes of course it is also extended to good vs. evil). Taken from where, other than fitting a known trope? Or when she’s presented as some sort of Mahidevran vol.2 as having as close relationship with Osman like Mahi did with Mustafa, perfect prince and jealous stepmother Kösem. I know some of the stuff is also derived from Western, orientalist plays, but those are obviously not sources and should not be treated as truth. And sometimes it it even repeated by historians. For example Uluçay, who  was very against Sultanate of Women & pretty much propagated a lot of rumours (and new approach to the period truly changed a lot of how academia writes about these women now). Let us look at this quote:

Taken from: Necdet Sakaoğlu, Famous Ottoman Women.

It’s clear what narrative Uluçay chose for his research.

It’s common practice to sometimes fill in the blanks (and sometimes even change stuff) with known cliches, tropes, and narratives.

It is truly a topic for an extended discussion, so I will stop for now, but when it comes to Ottoman history I do recommend Daniel Piterberg’s Ottoman Tragedy. History and Historography at Play, which shows how the same event may be even differently presented in historical works depending on chosen narrative that is often rooted in current context.

#magnificent century: kosem #muhtesem yuzyil kosem #muhteşem yüzyıl kösem #kosem sultan #murad iv #answered #mods opinions #yeah again slowly restarting blog #I hope you missed my ramblings yhy #idk what's happening with read more cut ffs #so #long post