#if you only have a hammer you also fuck things up but most people would still want one in a tool kit

[tozettastone]

Close reading is such an underrated skill.

I know it hasn't been really taught as a general skill in primary or secondary schools in many decades, and of course it shouldn't be the only tool in your toolbox. But the closest most kids (here, at least) ever come to close reading in high school is still a few weeks of looking at newspaper clippings for persuasive techniques and desultory attempts to ape them in essays.

But in real life I am frequently presented with art or media without much further context. It's on a book shelf. It's an ad. It's streaming on a service. It's in my YouTube recommendations. I don't know when I see these things who the creator is personally, or about the context in which they produced this thing. No idea!

So I see a lot of people saying online now, "How was I supposed to know [this creator] was a Bad Person when nobody told me?"

And my answer is: you do not have to know anything about a creator to engage with their work and recognise whether or not you think their ideas are quality ones. You can learn skills and put them in your critical thinking toolbox to do this for you. And close reading skills are one way to meaningfully engage with texts on that basis.

Unfortunately, you can get about a year into an actual literature degree before a gobsmacked professor will sit a whole class down, lean wearily on his desk and say, "Does any one of you know how to do a close reading? Do they not teach that in primary?"

No. No they don't! And unless they've started doing it again pretty recently, they haven't for decades.

#they're too busy filling english classes up with shit that should have been in social sciences and civics. #and acting shocked about national reading comprehension failures #unsolicited opinions #close reading #just a personal complaint i guess #old man yells at cloud #when close reading is the ONLY tool that can end up with some fucked up readings but. it's still gotta be there. #if you only have a hammer you also fuck things up but most people would still want one in a tool kit #lit tag

[soy-sauce-and-mothra]

Hey! Are there blacksmiths in your story? I'm a hobbyist blacksmith and I'm here to help!

Blacksmithing is one of those things that a lot of people get wrong because they don't realize it stuck around past the advent of the assembly line. Here's a list of some common misconceptions I see and what to do instead!

Not all blacksmiths are gigantic terrifying muscly guys with beards and deep voices. I am 5'8, skinny as a twig, have the muscle mass of wet bread, and exist on Tumblr. Anybody who is strong enough to pick up a hammer and understands fire safety can be a blacksmith.

You can make more than just swords with blacksmithing. Though swords are undeniably practical, they're not the only things that can be made. I've made candle holders, wall hooks, kebab skewers, fire pokers, and more. Look up things other people have made, it's really amazing what can be done.

"Red-hot" is actually not that hot by blacksmith terms. when heated up, the metal goes from black, to red, to orange, to yellow, to white. (for temperature reference, I got a second degree burn from picking up a piece of metal on black heat) The ideal color to work with the metal is yellow. White is not ideal at all, because the metal starts sparking and gets all weird and lumpy when it cools. (At no point in this process does the metal get even close to melting. It gets soft enough to work with, but I have never once seen metal become a liquid.)

Blacksmithing takes fucking forever. Not even taking into account starting the forge, selecting and preparing metal, etc. etc. it takes me around an hour to make one (1) fancy skewer. The metals blacksmiths work with heat up and cool down incredibly fast. When the forge is going good, it only takes like 20 seconds to get your metal hot enough to work with, but it takes about the same time for it to cool down, sometimes even less.

As long as you are careful, it is actually stupidly easy to not get hurt while blacksmithing. When I picked up this hobby I was like "okay, cool! I'm gonna make stuff, and I'm gonna end up in the hospital at some point!" Thus far, the latter has yet to occur. I've been doing this for nearly a year. I have earned myself a new scar from the aforementioned second degree burn, and one singe mark on my jeans. I don't even wear gloves half the time. Literally just eye protection, common sense, and fast reflexes and you'll probably be fine. (Accidents still happen of course, but I have found adequate safety weirdly easy to achieve with this hobby)

A forge is not a fire. The forge is the thing blacksmiths put their metal in to heat it up. It starts as a small fire, usually with newspaper or something else that's relatively small and burns easily, which we then put in the forge itself, which is sort of a fireplace-esque thing (there's a lot of different types of forge, look into it and try to figure out what sort of forge would make the most sense for the context you're writing about) and we cover it with coal, which then catches fire and heats up. The forge gets really hot, and sometimes really bright. Sometimes when I stare at the forge for too long it's like staring into the sun. The forge is also not a waterfall of lava, Steven Universe. It doesn't work like that, Steven Universe.

Welding and blacksmithing are not the same thing. They often go hand-in-hand, but you cannot connected two pieces of metal with traditional blacksmithing alone. There is something called forge welding, where you heat your metal, sprinkle borax (or the in-universe equivalent) on it to prevent the metal from oxidizing/being non-weldable, and hammer the pieces together very quickly. Forge welding also sends sparks flying everywhere, and if you're working in a small space with other blacksmiths, you usually want to announce that you're welding before you do, so that everyone in a five-foot radius can get out of that five-foot radius. You also cannot just stuck some random pebbles into the forge and get a decent piece of metal that you can actually make something with, Steven Universe. It doesn't work like that, Steven Universe.

Anvils are really fucking heavy. Nothing else to add here.

Making jewelry is not a blacksmithing thing unless you want jewelry made of steel. And it will be very ugly if you try. Blacksmithing wasn't invented to make small things.

If there's anything here I didn't mention, just ask and I'll do my best to answer.

#yes some of this was directed at steven universe #the only thing su got right was bismuth crying when her anvil broke #cus those things are goddamn expensive and hard to transport #blacksmith #blacksmithing #writing #writing prompts #writing advice #writeblr #writer #writer problems #writerblr #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #writers

[leonardcohenofficial]

if nine and rose had fucked i think it would have been totally fine for their relationship though jack would have been lowkey highkey jealous and then that would have been a whole thing to deal with. ten and rose well. we saw that kiss in "new earth" and billie piper did that for herself for rose and for the people. if ten and rose had just fucked i think that it would have made the rest of series two even wilder but also they deserved it. martha deserved to kill ten with hammers for the buckwild post-rose hangover emotional manipulation but if they had fucked at the end of "smith and jones" i feel like he either wouldn't have treated martha nearly as badly as he did all series OR it would double down and be even more deeply insane. ten and donna. no. donna has no interest in that twig and also throwing that dynamic on the tate-tennant already ridiculously good chemistry doesn't work outside of shakespeare and the catherine tate show. if eleven had let amy fuck him after "flesh and stone" they would have both deeply regretted it and it would have absolutely ruined rory's life but also the level of emotional intimacy they were at in series five was already at an all time high and then rory AND river get brought into the fray which is just deeply messy. eleven and clara to me have zero sexual chemistry together or. much chemistry of any kind at all which is wild because matt smith and jenna coleman have chemistry in abundance as themselves and i don't think those characters fucking would have done anything to that story. twelve clara is one of the most batshit dynamics of the revival era and i truly don't know what them fucking would have done but i imagine given the insanity of what we got on screen when they were avoiding ("avoiding") any romance i can only imagine it would be worse for me to witness emotionally. if anyone suggests that twelve and bill should have fucked i'm blowing up this whole website. if you're a twelve nardole fan though god bless you

#i haven't watched enough of thirteen to have opinions on her dynamics with her companions #doctor who #nine #ten #eleven #twelve #rose tyler #martha jones #donna noble #amy pond #rory williams #river song #clara oswald #bill potts #nardole

[celandeline]

in your head, on your mind // Jordan Li x Reader, Part 1

i know i haven't posted in like a year, and this is a huge shift from my usual writing, but i cannot express how jordan li has captured my heart and soul. this is definitely going to be a good number of parts, and will also definitely have some smut in there.

word count: 1912

previous part // next part

The Lamplighter School of Crimefighting is your home away from home on the GodU campus. Being Professor Caldwin’s TA is almost a full-time job, and in addition to classes and training and homework, most days you are in Caldwin’s office more than your own dorm room. Not that you mind, really. It’s the sort of job that will really set you up later in life - Caldwin knows everyone - and anything is better than listening to your roommate try and go viral on TikTok for the 30,000th time. And Caldwin’s a nice guy, in his own way.

“L/N.” The gruff call from his actual office resounds over the little foyer your desk sits in. 

Scooting back from your seat, you get up and walk the few steps between your desk and the doorway, hovering at the frame. “Professor?”

Caldwin sits at his own desk - a big, antique wooden thing that’s probably older than anything else in this building - hunched over in front of a desktop computer that’s far too sleek looking for the desk it sits on. Frustration radiates out from him like rays of the sun. Stupid fucking computer… swear they make these things difficult for people my age on purpose… snippets of his thoughts play in your mind without prompting - your superpower passively picking up his most prominent feelings. Of course, if you wanted, you could really focus and read his mind fully (even talk to him telepathically), but that was a boundary you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t cross. He is your professor - and boss - after all. 

Peering over the top of his glasses, Caldwin blinks at you, gathering a stack of papers to his left. “Bring these over to Brink, will you? If he’s busy you can just leave them with his TA, it’s nothing classified.”

You step into his Caldwin’s office fully, and take the stack of papers from him. It’s a hefty thing, so you tuck it under your arm. “Will do.”

“And while you’re out and about, get me another cup of coffee from the staff room. Two sugars-”

“Two sugars, two pumps of hazelnut, one splash of cream.” You say, already heading out the door. You’ve had his coffee order down since he hired you at the beginning of your sophomore year. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Thank you.” Gonna take a hammer to this stupid fucking-

His thoughts cut off abruptly as you walk out of range, heading into the halls of the Crimefighting building. Students fill the space, coming and going from classes, sitting in the chairs near the floor to ceiling windows busy on their laptops, loitering around as they chat with their friends. You purposefully focus on your own goal - Brink’s office, and then the staff break room to make Caldwin another coffee - to force the cacophony of thoughts down. The audible chatter, in addition to the telepathic noise, would have been enough to make you scream a few years ago, but classes at GodU have lived up to your expectations - they’re hard, but worth it, to get your power under control.

Brink’s office is across the building from Caldwin’s, a more luxurious room with lots of natural light and a good view of the campus green. You’d only really ever been in there on Caldwin’s instructions - Brink had only been your professor once, your freshman year, and you’d been too scared of his reputation to actually go to his office hours. Still, it was easy to find, and when you tried the door, it was open. 

The foyer of Brink’s office is much larger than the space in Caldwin’s and you find yourself a little jealous - it would be nice to sit at a desk here. You look first to the doors leading into his actual office, and find them closed. You turn to the figure sitting at the desk, and ask, “Is Brink busy right now? I have papers from Caldwin for him.”

The girl at the desk - pretty, with stark black hair that just reached her jaw and big brown doe eyes - just stares at you for a moment before responding. “Yeah, he’s on a call, actually.” Her voice is smooth, a little deep, and not what you expected at all. 

“Oh, alright, I can just-” You start, only to be interrupted by a wave of lust.

Goddamn. Smash. The things I wouldn’t do to get between those legs… wow. Those legs. How have I not run into YOU before? I mean really, surely I would have noticed the hottest person alive on campus - especially here, in my goddamn department. Fuck. 

Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t that. You balk. “Um. Sorry. Yeah, it’s not anything classified so Caldwin said I could just leave it with you,” You untuck the stack from under your arm and pass it towards Brink’s TA. Her fingers brush over yours as she takes it, and for a split second, you can feel just how much you were affecting her - the wave of horniness hit you like a bus. The feeling lingers as you take your hand away, and you’re unable to tell if it’s leftover from her or your own reaction. Maybe a bit of both. 

She sets the papers down on her desk beside her without looking, too busy smiling at you. “I’m Jordan, by the way.” She says. “I take it your Caldwin’s TA?”

“Yeah.” You say. “Y/N.”

Y/N. That’s a nice name. Very screamable. 

You fight the urge to do anything but smile. Just looking at her, you would have never guessed such wanton thoughts would come from such a tiny girl, but never judge a book by its cover, right?

“Nice to meet you Jordan.” You continue, careful to keep your voice steady, even. Casual. Not like you can hear every piece of want cross her mind. 

I bet you’d sound good screaming my name. I need to stop - I don’t even know you. I need to get laid, my god. Down tremendous and I JUST learned your name. 

The image of you and Jordan together - tangled up in unfamiliar bedsheets, Jordan’s mouth latched onto your neck as you moaned in pleasure - crosses Jordan’s mind, and yours by extent. For, as she said, having just met you, it was a surprisingly good imaginary version of yourself. Though, she is looking right at you. It would be hard to get any details wrong when you were standing right there. 

Would you let me? Maybe if I was in the other form-

Before you had time to wonder what that meant, she’s changing before your eyes, rearranging skin and bone until an entirely different person is sitting at the desk. A man - taller, broader, but just as pretty and with the same big brown eyes. Your surprise must have shown on your face, because Jordan laughs, a smile stretching across their face. 

“Sorry.” They say, leaning forward to rest their elbows against the desk. “It’s just that I have two faces, so I didn’t want you to get confused if some random dude was waving at you cause I forgot you only met me as a girl.”

“That’s a pretty cool power.” You say, and then, with your mind, “And a pretty good reason to show it off. I mean, for something you came up with on the fly anyway.”

You watch their eyes widen as they realize that you’re in their head, and then their cheeks flush red as they remember what they were thinking about not moments before. “So you’ve just been hearing-?”

“Yeah.” You say..

“I am so sorry-” They start, shifting back into their female form. 

“No, it’s okay.” You say, a laugh on the edge of your lips. “I promise it’s fine, I mean, you didn’t know I was listening in and it’s your thoughts you can’t like, help it. And it’s not the first time-”

I bet, looking like that. Fuck. Pretend I didn’t think that. I’m sorry. Jordan buries their head in their hands with a groan. “Sorry.”

You let out a full laugh at that. “It’s okay, I promise. Please don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s fine. It’s flattering, if anything. I mean, you’re pretty good looking yourself. Not that you’re only hot, I mean - I’m sure you’re nice too.” You pause. “That came out a little wrong.”

Jordan smiles. “It’s okay. I mean, you basically get a free pass to do whatever you want to be since I’ve been…” They trail off. In their mind, …objectifying you. I’d let you do whatever you wanted to me anyway, but… fuck. Sorry.

You smile again. “It��s okay. Promise.” You lean forward across the desk a little, getting closer without getting too close - you have just met after all. The smell of smokey cologne fills your nose, and causes more butterflies to swirl in your stomach. They really are hot. “You wanna know a secret?”

Jordan leans in too. “Sure.”

“Most guys, when they figure out that I can hear them lusting after me, aren't even apologetic.” You say. “So it’s sweet that you are. Charming, even.” It’s true - which is why you don’t usually bother playing into people’s lustful thoughts, but Jordan… 

Okay. Okay, it’s not a big deal, it’s fine. “Would you want to hang out?” Jordan says, a little rushed, like they’d been waiting for an opportunity. “Sometime? We could train, or something…” Please say yes. You don’t have to say yes. I really want you to though.

You think about it for a moment. You don't usually say yes to these kinds of questions, especially after hearing the person's ulterior motives, but… Jordan seems nice, nice enough to genuinely feel bad about their thoughts once they realized you could hear them. And they are hot, objectively, in both forms. 

“Yeah, I’d be down to hang out.” You say, reaching into the pocket of your jeans to pull out your phone. “Can I-?”

“Yes. Yeah.” Jordan pulls their own phone out clumsily, handing it to you. 

You put your number in with a smile, and take the liberty to add a little emoji heart at the end of your name before you hand it back to them. “Should I text you, or are you going to text me?”

I don’t think I could stop myself if I tried. “I’ll text you.” Jordan says, glancing down at their phone. “A heart?”

“You don’t think so?”

No, no. No it’s great, I'm never going to change it. “A little fast, no?” They say. 

You smile, and inject your voice into their head. Liar. I’ll see you later Jordan. 

Before they can say anything else, you turn and leave, throwing one last glance at them over your shoulder. They don’t even try to pretend that they aren’t staring. 

Butterflies swarm your stomach as you make your way back through the halls. You can’t remember the last time being in someone’s head made you like them more rather than less, but Jordan… sweet, apologetic Jordan. It’s exciting, in a way, knowing what they were thinking about you, and knowing that despite the fact that you know, they still want to hang out. You check your phone, even though it’s not even been a minute since you left. Sure enough, a text-

what are you doing tmrw from like 2-4

You type out your reply: hanging out w u probably

You almost forget to get Caldwin’s coffee on the way back. 

#gen v #jordan li #jordan li x reader #gen v x reader #the boys #derek luh #london thor

[evilwickedme]

I said I'd never do jumblr content again and yet here I am because this keeps coming up and it's like the only thing I can think about. That said I will not hesitate to turn off reblogs if y'all are horrible in the notes again, and be warned that I will be blocking anybody who supports any of the theories I mention immediately

There is no such thing as a conspiracy theory that isn't antisemitic. There is no such animal

Antisemitic conspiracy theories go back thousands of years. The ones that still have the most hold on culture to this day are the blood libel, and the protocols of the elders of zion

The blood libel was an accusation that would be brought against Jewish populations in Europe often but especially around Passover claiming that we were killing Christian children for ritual purposes, usually to use their blood for baking matza or other nonsense (it is important to me that you know that this is nonsense. It is horrible and damaging but also to the core a ridiculous lie that never at any point made any sense. They just didn't care). Debatably this trope is present in the merchant of Venice. Undebatably Jews were killed because people did and still do sincerely believe this

The protocols of the elders of zion is a fictitious document published in Russia at the very beginning of the 20th century, supposedly detailing the meetings of the Jewish people who secretly run the world. The protocols were almost immediately proven to be a rip off of another document - ah, plagiarism - but that hasn't stopped antisemites from embracing it wholeheartedly (special thanks fuck you to Henry Ford for publishing them in his newspaper, spreading it across the USA). It built on previous antisemitic tropes, from the greedy banker trope (Jews were forced to be money lenders in medieval Europe as it was forbidden in Christianity and Jews weren't allowed to join any guilds, preventing them from making money in any other capacity - the reason why there are so many Jews in Hollywood is identical, but in the early 20th century) to the concept of dual loyalty (i.e. Jewish are loyal to ourselves above all else and cannot be trusted to be loyal to the country where we live, see: modern trope that every Jew is probably loyal to Israel and the subsequent idea that it's okay to ask every single diaspora Jew how they feel about Israel immediately upon meeting them). It's also worth noting that the word cabal, used to denote the shadowy organizations that supposedly control the world, comes from kabbala, which is Jewish mysticism

The idea of lizard people, created by a guy literally named Icke because he is a gross human being, was designed to repackage the antisemitic shadow cabal concept to be supposedly more palatable

Most qanon theories also build on all of this, such as world leaders preying on children (remember pizzagate?)

But more importantly conspiratorial thinking always positions you as the good guy standing against a mysterious "them", an other which is influencing things behind the scenes. The Jew is the ultimate other, and specifically an other that supposedly forms a shadowy world government, controlling everything and yet somehow not managing to get rid of antisemitism (see: protocols of Zion, lizard people, we control Hollywood and the government which is of course conspiring against you). There is no way to decouple the idea of an evil shadowy organization (usually also referred to as a cabal to really hammer it in) from antisemitism and antisemitic tropes

And this means that even supposedly "harmless" conspiracy theories attract antisemites and train people who aren't necessarily rabid antisemites to confirm those kinds of biases. Obviously Qanon and lizard people are antisemitic, but what does the moon landing have to do with Jews? Well, it was Hollywood and the government that faked it, obviously. Hell, even the conspiracy that Taylor Swift is secretly a lesbian and is either still secretly dating or is exes with Karlie Kloss is riddled with antisemitism -

Okay so I need to explain my position on this because I fucking hate this conspiracy theory, and the fact that most people simply won't acknowledge that that's what it is. Firstly, Taylor Swift has stated that she is not gay or considers herself an ally at least three times off the top of my head, and specifically denied that she was dating Karlie Kloss. Secondly, outing people is wrong. Thirdly, the conspiracy theory hinges on the idea that she would be risking her career by coming out, except that she's proven that basically no controversy can come in the way of her career, she's already "come out" as an ally, donated to glaad and the equality act, promoted queer musicians & artists & designers (there was a song in the reputation tour that was dedicated to a gay designer every single night of the tour). So what's stopping her from coming out at this point? Mysterious forces, clearly. The antisemitism in that I've already explained, but also the virulent antisemitism among Kaylor shippers aimed at her husband and at the fact that she converted to Judaism is fucking disgusting

Again: even a supposedly harmless conspiracy theory leads to antisemitism and attracts antisemites

A few years ago I tried to rewatch white collar cause I remembered really enjoying that show as a preteen and after around a season I just couldn't stand it anymore, because all I wanted to do was jump into the universe and yell at Mozzie to shut the fuck up because these conspiracy theories were barely presented as a joke and never challenged even once by any of the characters. When I rewatched that 70s show it also fucking sucked, but at least it wasn't showing up in every single episode. The blacklist focuses entirely on a literal Cabal, that's what they're called

This stuff is so normalized and it's fucking everywhere and it's exhausting. Jews are to this day being murdered over this. I can't change the world by myself, unfortunately, but if you don't have a specific person to blame for your troubles, shut the fuck up. Just shut up. There is no conspiracy against you. Sometimes life just sucks. Or definitely does for the Jews who get shot at over this shit

Again, I'll be blocking anybody who parrots this bullshit in the comments but especially fucking gaylors y'all are one of the main reasons that being a fan of Taylor Swift's music is fucking unbearable. Just accept you can connect to music made by somebody different than yourself it's not that difficult of a concept

#this post brought to you by my burning hatred of gaylors #antisemitism #jumblr #jew tag #jewish history #conspiracy theories #t swizzle #to the people who will inevitably come into my inbox after this and ask me questions about antisemitism: pay me first #ko-fi link is through my bio #gail speaks

[my-castles-crumbling]

Of course James knows what Mistletoe is!

for @siriuslygay1981 - AU- everyone lives, no voldemort - jegulus holiday fluff

He knew what mistletoe was, of course.

In theory.

It was a plant. That one kissed under. Easy enough.

So when the holidays approached and he still hadn't succeeded in building up the courage to kiss the object of his affections, forgive him for taking up a new tactic. It was festive.

The first step?

Get a plant, of course.

But it was cold! It was snowy, and windy, and he didn't really fancy bundling up. So, he figured, all plants were basically the same, right? (He was a very smart person but he wasn't exactly a star in Herbology.)

Good thing he knew where the kitchens were.

He grinned to himself, praising his own intelligence, as he left the kitchens with his plant, and also possibly an entire cake because the house elves insisted.

Step one- check!

The second step?

Hang it up high.

In all the stories he'd heard, the mistletoe had been hung above doors, so he contemplated the perfect door to hang his plant.

Eventually, he settled for the entrance to the dungeons.

Why?

It seemed easy enough to get both of them in that spot at the same time, during a time that might be at least a little more private. He didn't want to embarrass anyone, after all.

So, with Remus grudgingly standing lookout a ways away, he levitated the greenery above the entrance and affixed it with a simple charm, admiring his work for a minute before running back to his friend.

Step two- check!

The third step?

Get both of them there at the same time.

It was odd, he realized. For a group of people who talked a lot about mistletoe, a lot of students didn't seem to want to actually follow through with the tradition. Even pairs who were obvious couples walked under his trap without kissing, and the only reaction he observed were some confused glances and pointing.

Oh, well. James Potter was nothing if not a trendsetter.

So, the next day, he mustered up all of his courage and walked up to his target.

"Can I walk you to Potions, Reg?" He asked in his most gentlemanly voice.

"Bugger off, Potter," the shorter boy said through a grimace, barely looking up from his breakfast.

But James was nothing if not persistent. "C'mon, Reggie! Please?"

Regulus Black looked up, considering. James caught an endeared look in his eye. Ha!

"Fine. I have to go early to work on an essay. Let's go now," Regulus relented.

James couldn't stop himself from beaming as he grabbed Regulus's bag before he could protest, carrying both bags on his left shoulder so he could grab Regulus's hand in his right one. Regulus gave him a look, but didn't pull away.

Step three- check!

His heart positively hammered as they approached the entrance to the dungeons. Would Regulus know what mistletoe was? Would he see it? Would he want to kiss James? They'd spent a lot of time together lately, flirting and playing Quidditch, but perhaps it was just as friends? Regulus was difficult to read...

But, thankfully, Regulus stopped as they reached the door, pointing above them. "Have you seen that?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

Could it be true? Was Regulus hinting that he wanted to kiss him, too?

"Yes," James breathed. "It's-"

"Lettuce. So odd. I wonder who did it," Regulus said while chuckling a bit.

James realized he'd have to explain. "It's a holiday thing, Reg. Mistletoe."

Regulus gave him a long look. For the first time, James began to feel like maybe he was missing something. "Potter, not all plants are used as mistletoe. Mistletoe is a specific type of plant. It has little green leaves and white berries."

Oh, no.

He could feel himself turning red.

Oh, fuck.

"Potter? Did...did you hang the lettuce?" Regulus asked, his expression unreadable.

"No," he muttered, refusing to meet Regulus's eyes.

"Potter. Why did you hang the lettuce?" Regulus pushed, his voice almost gentle, now.

"Erm..." James sighed. 'I wanted to kiss you' sounded so desperate to say out loud.

"You thought it was mistletoe?" Regulus asked.

James squeezed his eyes shut, feeling unbelievably foolish. He nodded.

"And you hung it? And...led me to it? Why? As a joke?" Hurt. Regulus's voice sounded cold and hurt now.

James opened his eyes quickly. "What? No, I-"

"You thought it'd be funny to kiss me, to mess with me like that?" Regulus continued, looking angry, now. "Or were you trying to catch Evans as she went to her class, but you decided to settle for me, instead?"

This was not 'Step Four- Kiss Regulus'. This was not going right. And James was panicking. And sometimes James said stupid things when he panicked. "No, Reg! I just wanted an excuse to kiss you, because that's all I've been thinking about for weeks!"

Regulus stopped ranting then, and stared. "That's not true, Potter."

"Well it bloody well is! Ask Remus, or your brother, or Peter! You're really all I can talk about! It's pathetic!" James said, throwing his hands up in the air. "And I finally came up with such a good plan, and now I buggered it all up!"

But Regulus just took out his wand, and for a moment James thought maybe he was going to hex him, but he pointed it up toward the browning, wilted piece of lettuce on the ceiling.

Suddenly, it began to transform, to a sprig of small leaves and berries, a red bow tying it all together.

"That is mistletoe," Regulus murmured softly, yanking on James's collar and pulling their lips together.

Step four- check!

Hope you guys enjoyed! Click here to leave comments/kudos!

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #fanfic #marauders fandom #harry potter marauders #regulus black kinnie #jegulus #the marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #the marauders #regulus arcturus black #regulus black #james x regulus #regulus deserved better #james loves regulus #james fleamont potter #james potter #james potter is a simp #harry potter fanfiction #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3fic #my fic

[p-paradoxa]

i’m still early into Dungeon Meshi but I enjoy how much it concerns itself with ecology. no part of the dungeon exists in a vacuum. adventurers are not just an outside force that loots and kills, although adventuring does in some way end up sustaining cycles of oppression (read: orcs). rather, adventuring itself is integrated into the ecosystem—each kill they deal, every death a party incurs, any waste they leave behind is taken into account as being something a component of the environment is adapted to, from the individual to population level.

we even see adaptations that have evolved over short periods of time, as with senshi’s golems adapting to the nutrients used to farm on them

another detail I enjoyed from off the top of my head was when senshi warned marcille not to use a spell that would damage a wide area of the lake, because the fish would die and the merfolk, krakens etc. would suffer in turn, despite a general interest in keeping the monsters at bay. this is narratively smart because it leads to more creative solutions, and also communicates a value of animal life without reverting to “isn’t it just fucked up to hunt things.” the focus of cooking and eating in the manga feels very intentional as a way for the characters to interact with this premise. unlike accumulating treasure, trying to earn fame and fortune, or hunting specific monsters (besides the one that swallowed a party member), eating is a necessity to life, which life itself factors in as part of its cycle. the party members became a part of the ecosystem the very first time they entered the dungeon, but by choosing to sustain themselves from it, come to a better understanding of it—this isn’t a value judgment or an appeal to nature, at least to me, it’s just an observation about how these systems work that the series is making, and something the author wants people to be mindful of

a last point that really hammered it in is an explicit visual representation of the dungeon as an ecosystem—the flashback to the sprite project (analogous to real life insect cultures). the sprites thrive when the cultures mimic dungeon conditions. because that’s all a dungeon is: a self-sustaining ecosystem (as long as it has the resource of magic, as well as other life-giving resources), which is resilient and yet sensitive to change

so far I think it does subvert most of the sensibilities of the dungeon fantasy subgenre in a meaningful way, which is to say it draws the emphasis somewhat away from battling and racking up kills in favor of environmentally conscious problem-solving and acknowledging the lives therein as being in interaction with each other

this is all surface-level praise as I’m only on like chapter 20 but I’m saying. I think you should read it. don’t just take my word for it though. check this out:

oops that’s just a picture of marcille being a big big lesbian whoooops post cancwlled

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi

[wanderingswampbeast]

Long Post: Why I Don’t Like The Drow

I’ve been ranting about this to a friend on discord (a lot of points I make will come from him) but I’ve finally figured out what my issue with the drow is outside of inherently evil groups being dumb.

The drow are boring. Drow lore is less of a dive into a unique culture and more of a list of fucked up things they do. Like, I cannot name a single interesting aspect of typical drow society that does not directly involve murder, sexism, or slavery, or Lolth. And even then, most of those things are written about in an incredibly bland fashion with them.

The Drow don’t really have much depth to them, and are just kind of evil for evil’s sake (or “because Lolth said so”). They do slavery, but the only real purpose of doing slavery for them is “because Lolth said so”. It isn’t for cheap labor, it’s to be more evil. They betray each other purely because that’s what evil people do. They’re misandrist, not for any real societal reason, but because Lolth hates men. There’s none of what would make slavery an interesting topic or story element, no justification for why they should be allowed to commit one of the worst injustices possible, no real economic reason for it. They just do it because Lolth says they should, and from a writing perspective it hammers home the fact that they’re evil. They aren’t evil because they enslave and murder, they enslave and murder because they’re evil, if that makes any sense.

Them being written as comically evil as they are also hurts them from a worldbuilding perspective. They’re so reliant on slaves for menial labor that the lower class of their society struggle to get jobs. Drow culture so obsessed with betrayal and dumbass house wars that even when actively under attack from the outside they sabotage each other. They’re so decadent that their buildings are held up with magic and semi regularly collapse when a spell fails. To put it bluntly, drow society feels like one that should have collapsed in a few centuries, which, funnily enough, is way longer than D&D elves live.

Their culture being so monolithic also makes writing anything about them difficult. Every drow antagonist is going to have near identical motivations, methods, and ideologies as every other drow antagonist. Every drow protagonist is going to ultimately feel very similar to Drizzt, because leaving their fucked up society to become a do-gooder is such a common backstory element that they added a whole extra god just for doing that. In fact, you can divide 90% of drow characters from any official materials into these categories:

Manservant

Ambitious male, usually a wizard (5 bucks says he has long hair and a widow’s peak)

Dommy Mommy Warcrime Woman

Drizzt Do’Urden or one of his many duplicates

Self-loathing and/or resentful Drider

And finally, their existence almost purely to be humanoid enemies you can fight at nearly any levels is just kind of lazy. This is a problem that I have with the “evil races” of a lot of fantasy but having a group that’s evil by birth just feels like an excuse to not have to write actual motivations for your antagonists. It’s the difference between “go attack this camp of soldiers because they’re part of the SkullMurder army and their general wants to use our land to build a dread fortress” vs “go attack this camp of soldiers specifically because they’re drow/goblins/orcs/the dreaded peepee-poopoo folk”. Using stuff like this just feels like an excuse to not have to write an actual antagonist since it comes pre-written in the group’s lore. This has the side effect of whenever such a group is the antagonist of the plot, the players or audience know near exactly what to expect. The orc is here to conquer, the goblin is here to steal, and the drow is here to enslave or do some dark ritual.

I’ve legitimately heard people say “well if XYZ can’t be inherently evil anymore, who will we use as bad guys?” It’s very simple: whoever the fuck we want. Write an evil queen, or a scheming wizard, or an underground slave trade network. For God’s sake, anyone can be evil, you don’t need to tie that to a specific ethnic group and write it as “they’re just like that”. Write an actual character for your antagonist.

#dnd #dnd lore #rant post #it’s also incredibly funny to me that the duergar are a near exact copy of the drow (but with dwarves) #and they somehow manage to be more interesting than the drow

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating the Accuracy of Animal Names:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

Marine Iguana: 1/10. They don’t allow lizards in the military

Honey Badger: 1/10. It’s not even made out of honey

Horny toad: 0/10. First of all, this is a lizard. Second of all, I couldn’t find one that was willing to have sex with me so they must not actually be all that horny

Crabeater seal: 1/10. They don’t even eat crabs. Felt uncomfortable asking about the other kind but I’d guess probably not those either

Comb jellyfish: 4/10. Doesn’t even have hair

Hammerhead shark: 10/10. Stop killing hammerhead sharks to make hammers

Paper nautilus: 1/10. Paper would get too soggy

Red Panda: 2/10. Not a panda. More orange than red

Jellyfish: 0/10. Not even a fish, but if it were, jelly would be one of the worst things to be made out of

Electric eel: 5/10. Not an eel. Shocking, I know

Blue footed booby: 2/10. My disappointment is immeasurable. Turns out this lying sack of shit is a just a stupid BIRD

Spiny lumpsucker: 8/10. Apparently this fish is named because it has spines AND a suction cup, not because it sucks on spiny lumps

Pleasing fungus beetle: 2/10. Why would fungus be pleased by a beetle eating it? It just worked so hard to grow

Chicken turtle: 1/10. This is just a regular turtle, there are no chickens involved

Red lipped batfish: 8/10. Not a bat. Does have red lips. Also looks incredibly sexy with that makeup on

Aye aye: 10/10. Does in fact, have two eyes

Blobfish: 10/10 out of water, 1/10 in water. The blobfish gets a bad rap, it only looks like a blob because some dickhead pulled it out of its natural habitat at the bottom of the fucking ocean. You’d look pretty weird if you switched places with them too

Dik dik: 5/10 if male, 0/10 if female. This one’s pretty self explanatory

Mountain chicken: 0/10. THIS IS A FUCKING FROG. STOP NAMING ANIMALS AFTER CHICKENS!

Peacock: 0/10. It pees out of a cloaca, not a cock. Technically it doesn’t even pee either

Monarch butterfly 1/10. They aren’t even one of the species of insects that has a queen, let alone understands the concept of monarchism

Cockatiel: 0/10. They do not have teal cocks

Monkey slug caterpillars: 1/10. These are neither slugs nor monkeys, nor are they some kind of fucked up monkey/slug hybrid. Terrible name all around, the only part they got right was caterpillar

Robin: 5/10. It’s a shame this bird has to resort to thievery but we all have to put worms on the table somehow

Alligator snapping turtle: 1/10. This is not an alligator, nor does it even have the fingers to snap with

Ground squirrel: 5/10. Please don’t grind squirrels

Axolotl: 0/10. Doesn’t ask a lot. Doesn’t ask anything at all

Sea robin: 7/10 This is what happens when the land robin goes pro. This creepy fuck evolved little fingers just to steal things. Is this where fish fingers come from?

Tasmanian devil: 8/10. Much like the christian devil, cool name and way more chill than most people give them credit for. Statistically speaking, they’re far from the deadliest player on the board, but they do have the strongest bite force and won’t hesitate to use it if provoked

Water deer: 7/10. No. This is a meat deer

Star nosed mole: 7/10. Name is somewhat misleading, nose merely star shaped, and not a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace

Paddlefish: 3/10. Too narrow to effectively be used as a paddle

Shoebill stork: 1/10. Not made of real shoes. Doesn’t pay bills either

Great white shark: 8/10. I’m inclined to agree for the most part but who came up with the name, David Duke?

Bioko drill: 0/10. At least the hammerhead shark looks like a hammer, this stupid monkey doesn’t even remotely resemble a drill

Hippo Tang: 0/10. That’s a fish, and hippos don’t even drink Tang

Bluejay: 3/10. Not actually blue, it’s just a trick of the light. I bet their real name probably isn’t even Jay either

Satanic Nightjar: 4/10. Should be called “slightly evil looking bird” instead

Tarantula hawk wasp: 1/10. Not a tarantula. Not a hawk. Starting to question if it’s even a wasp

Goblin shark: 10/10? Ever seen their jaw move? They sure are gobblin’

Nudibranch: 5/10. The nude part is accurate but it’s a sea slug, not a tree branch. Not even sure how you could possibly make that mistake

Mongoose: 0/10. No mon, it’s not a goose

Bison: 7/10. I just googled it, bison have more gay sex than straight sex so calling them bi is actually pretty accurate. Points removed because there are bidaughters too

Ram: 10/10. They sure do!

Mandrill: 2/10. They could probably be taught to use drills but I couldn’t find any research on this

Silver fox: 1/10. Silver is way too heavy of an element for an animal to be made of

Mayfly: 9/10 Yeah, they might

Fin whale: 10/10. Yep, whales have fins. Glad we cleared that up

Macaroni penguin: 1/10. They don’t eat macaroni

Horseshoe crab: 0/10. Not a crab. Doesn’t wear horseshoes either

Fangtooth: 10/10. Objectively I have to give it a 10 but this is the stupidest fucking name on the whole list. What’s next, knucklefist? Titboob?

Milkfish 1/10. If I go to your house and you offer me fish milk I’m fucking leaving

Little penguin: 10/10. Telling it exactly like it is

Spider monkey: 1/10. Was expecting a monkey with 8 limbs. Let down once again

Glass frog: 2/10. Not actually made out of glass

Hummingbird: 1/10. They can’t even hum

Centipede: 3-35.4/10. Depends on the species, very few actually have 100 legs

Millipede: 0.8-8/10. They have 800 legs at the most

Sockeye salmon: 1/10. Socks would make terrible eyes

Furry lobster: 10/10, 11/10 if that’s a fursuit

Flying fish: 4/10. Merely glides

Sailfish: 3/10. Doesn’t actually know how to sail

Blanket octopus: 2/10. Octopuses make terrible blankets

Cane Toad: 2/10. Can walk just fine without a cane

#biology #evolutionary biology #evolution #science #animals #animal #r/196 #196 #r/196archive #/r/196 #rule #meme #memes #shitpost #shitposting #Darwin #funny #lol #funny shit #funny content #funny memes #funny stuff #sharks

[littledata]

I know you’re probably working on those prompts, but I, too, just ended up on North Sea tiktok, and if you have time, I’m curious what Ava’s reaction to that particular algorithmic destination would be. Because like, Bea’s the most capable person ever, but those waves are Very Big, and why isn’t everyone tethered to the boat at all times??

(From the on that dizzy edge universe. An example video if anyone would like context.)

For a long time, Ava's TikTok experience was predictable. It mostly went: hot girl biting her lip, hot girl playing guitar, hot dude baking a cake, weirdly mesmerising crafting video, drama about people she'd never met, hot person kissing another hot person.

The number of straight-up thirst traps has been on the decline recently though - mostly because Ava just has to turn her head and Bea will be changing her shirt or using a hammer or standing perfectly still, all of which is a lot hotter than any video she's ever seen. In its infinite wisdom though, The Algorithm has seen her scrolling past those videos and decided it needs to fill the void with something else.

That thing, apparently, is North Sea TikTok.

They're lying in bed when it happens for the first time. Beatrice had spent the first few weeks after she came home insisting they should try to maintain separate bedrooms, move their relationship along at an orderly and appropriate pace, but she pretty quickly gave in to the allure of spooning and her bedroom defaulted to being both of theirs.

Now, before they go to sleep, they often end up lying side by side while Beatrice reads one of her insane books about lesbian necromancers or whatever and Ava scrolls TikTok or reads fanfiction about hot people falling in love in coffee shops and stuff. It makes her feel mature and settled and safe in a way that's sometimes so exciting she has to take Bea's book out of her hands and make out with her about it.

Anyway, so they're doing that (lying in bed, not making out) when it shows up on her for you page. It starts with the weird, slow sea shanty, then there's the huge waves, and then someone is getting slammed in the face with the fucking ocean.

Ava lets it loop. Then she lets it loop again. Then she taps on the suggested search north sea tiktok and she's presented with a thousand more videos exactly like the first. People falling overboard and huge waves crashing over ships and and and -

"Bea." Ava taps her arm insistently.

Bea looks up from her book without much concern - she doesn't use TikTok but she does submit to being shown Ava's curated favourites. Also, she's wearing glasses and she looks super cute.

No, Ava, don't get distracted.

"Bea," she repeats and holds her phone up to her face.

Beatrice watches with a scrutinising gaze. When the video finishes, she says, "They really shouldn't be filming in those situations, it's distracting them from proper safety precautions."

Ava stares at her. "That's all you have to say? They could have died."

"Possibly," Beatrice agrees. "Once someone falls overboard it's very difficult to recover them, although certainly not impossible. And it depends a lot on the kind of ship. I assume someone wouldn't post a video where someone died though."

Although Beatrice's naivety about what people are willing to post on the internet is adorable, Ava's mind is stuck somewhere in between the words overboard and impossible. Even Beatrice, careful and capable as she is, couldn't keep herself from being swept off her feet by some of those waves. Ava can picture her so vividly, disappearing under the surface.

"You're not making me feel better about this."

"Oh." Beatrice blinks in surprise as if she has only just realised that they aren't having a purely practical discussion. She puts her book carefully down on the nightstand. "I'm not sure what to say. I can't lie to you and pretend it isn't dangerous. Those are cherry-picked clips showing the worst though, it isn't always like that."

Which, yeah, okay, Ava already knew it was dangerous. For all the months that Beatrice is away she lives with the low-level, prickling anxiety that the next call she gets will be telling her Bea is hurt, or worse. It's different seeing it though, seeing how quick it is, how powerful -

"How often are you in the north sea?" she asks, as if that's the only problem with it.

Beatrice winces, "Well, it depends. The contracts I work - " She explains something complicated and lengthy about shipping and demand and the company she works for and Ava thinks she's the most interesting person in the world but this stuff is, also, a little bit boring and she's still pretty busy picturing her girlfriend's imminent death.

She needs to send these videos to Camila. If there's anyone she can rely on to overreact with her, it's Camila.

"Ava," Beatrice says, seeing that she's lost her. She tugs Ava's phone gently from her hands and puts it down next to her book. Then she wraps one arm around Ava's shoulders and the other around her waist and pulls her in close.

Ava has always loved being hugged by Bea, even before they got together - she's strong and solid and lets Ava hold on for as long as she needs to. (Also, she smells fucking amazing, like, all the time).

It wasn't until they started dating that she realised Beatrice had been holding something of herself back though, not letting herself relax entirely whenever they touched. Now, it's as if her whole body sinks into it, like some tension evaporates the moment Ava's arms are around her.

Ava pushes her face into Beatrice's chest and inhales, lets herself hide there in the fabric of her shirt for a moment. It's dark and warm and hard to worry about anything.

"I promise I do everything I possibly can to come home safe to you," Beatrice says into her ear, "I'm sorry I can't give you any more reassurance than that."

"Okay," Ava says, voice muffled against Beatrice's chest. It's not enough but it has to be enough. This is Bea's job, the thing she loves more than anything else, and Ava won't ever touch the sanctity of that. "I'm still going to worry about you."

"I know." Beatrice presses a kiss into her hair and pulls back, "I worry about you too though, when I'm gone."

Ava rolls her eyes, "The most dangerous thing that could happen to me is Lilith finally snapping and turning on everyone she loves."

"So fairly likely then?" Beatrice asks.

Ava snorts, "Like a 90% chance."

They settle themselves to go to sleep, lying down fully and adjusting the pillows and blankets. That's another thing Ava learned recently: Beatrice - her big, tough sailor - likes being the little spoon. She won't admit to that, obviously, but she sighs contentedly whenever Ava wraps her arms around her from behind.

So when Beatrice reaches up to switch the lamp off, Ava does just that, presses herself against Bea's back. She listens to Beatrice's breathing become slow and even, and she clings on.

#extra writing #asks

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Five

The thing is I absolutely love the album that comes out of this mess. Like I know a lot of people do not like Let It Be, but so many of my favorite songs are on it. One of them being “I Me Mine.” The walz element is haunting, and I can read the lyrics as anti-capitalist even though George himself mostly wasn’t. 

Laughing my head off at two boys from one of the best grammar schools in England, who have at this point made millions off of their writing, genuinely not knowing whether it should be “more freer” or “more freely”

The difference in how George shows Paul his new song vs John is striking. For Paul, he’s relaxed, nonchalant. For John, he stands up and performs it. And I think both are a defense mechanism, poor baby, because clearly, although Paul was very supportive of the song while they were alone, when John is roasting it, Paul just laughs along and George has to go “I don’t give a fuck whether you like it.” 

Ah, the famous “up-against-a-wall” conversation. Paul comes in all dominant and sure. “Haven’t you written anything else? Haven’t you?” But then John touches him, and makes him laugh, and Paul’s a melted, goo-goo-eyes mess. This is the real reason why John got to be the leader isn’t it? Because Paul was too damn soft on him to ever follow through with his bossiness.

Their scouse sounds BEAUTIFUL compared to the stupid ugly RP and MLH’s transatlantic shit.

“And now John’d like to say a few words on the subject.” John starts singing, Paul strums along and joins in on the “chorus.” They can’t communicate like healthy people, but they Can do this. 

So Peter Jackson took out Paul’s bitchy nod at Yoko as he’s stealing her man in real time right in front of her eyes. Unforgivable. But he kept in this adorable laugh, so that’s something. 

Three more covers that I think *mean something* “Stand By Me” and “Spinning Like a Top” by Paul, followed by “You Win Again” by John. Yoko’s sweet little shoulder kiss. Thank you for taking care of the poor wet kitten, girly. Maybe don’t introduce the poor wet kitten to heroine, but you do you, I guess. (OP recognizes that poor wet kitten is also an adult capable of making his own decisions)

The cut from Paul literally dancing to get John’s attention straight to John dancing with Yoko while inside Paul’s head a silver hammer is clanging ominously. I can’t. Followed by the knowing, loving smile from Ringo to Paul. You know, those moments when you validate your friend’s bitchy thoughts with a look. 

George is literally SO big inside himself, you know? You have to have superhuman self-love abilities to watch your friend – who is supposed to be helping you – shamelessly make fun of your art . . . and just “Do you wanna do that walz on the show? That’d be great.”

But did you guys know John was actually a really great mover?

“Yes, alright. Just sod off.” I love John. Paul’s people-pleasing ass would literally die first and he needs John to do this kind of shit for him and John’s only too happy to.

The moment when Paul and John are on the same wavelength about Dennis O’Dell’s stage. 

OK but. Did John get the clear plastic idea from Yoko’s art exhibits? 

“Any time we do anything it’s always got to be the best.” Poor Ringo. They’re all literally so tired of carrying so much weight for such a long time. 

“See, I’d watch an hour of him just playing the piano. Cause he’s so great.” With that fond, loving, smile. SUCH big dick energy here. The others could NEVER. 

“And I’ll have the plastic when you’re finished.” Literally for what, though? John, you little hoarding goblin. 

And then Ringo responding to MLH’s “I love you” with “Yes, I love you too.” Yeah, Ringo wins the prize for most healthy beatle of the day. 

*Pattie Boyd voice* “I just wish I knew what was going on there. But something. Something.”

Ugh, John looks so hurt. So tender. So heartbroken. While Paul is over there playing a damn funeral march because that’s the only way he lets himself express anything. But I actually love how Dennis O’Dell knows the clearest path to cheering John up is to say that Paul liked his idea. And how well it works. They’re literally so obvious to everyone but themselves. 

I love the bit when John walks in on the rest of them discussing the live show and MLH calls, “We’ve decided. We’re going to Africa.” And Paul hurries to cut in, “No we’re NOT.” Because he knows exactly how John can get and he’s going to nip this in the bud before John gets let down. And of course, John is all “YEAH LETS GO LETS GO!” And he’s talking about how they always wish they were recording abroad. “We could be in LA, or FRANCE.” (side eye emoji) 

Paul’s “Well said, John.” and “I’ve seen it, John. I went to the premiere. I thought you were great.” Why do all your compliments to him have to be in silly voices? Like, I know you think everyone is going to call you a pussy for saying something genuinely kind to your best friend, but they’re not, and he needs it. 

Holy shit this was a long day. See you all tomorrow with another long-winded-ass post.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #get back

[evanesdust]

more than a maybe

written for- @sterekfests prompt: "Kiss me at midnight." @sterekweekly word: present @sterekbingo Christmas square: new years eve

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale Additional Tags: POV Stiles Stilinski, Childhood Friends, Secret Crush, Gay Stiles Stilinski, Coming Out, Bisexual Derek Hale, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, First Kiss, Getting Together

Summary:

…the one where Stiles thought his crush on Derek was unrequited. Spoiler: it wasn't.

"Have you seen Derek?" Cora asked, handing Stiles a glass of champagne. "There's only a few more minutes until midnight…"

Stiles rolled his eyes, ignoring her teasing grin as he took the glass.

"No, I haven't." Which was weird since they were usually attached at the hip, but Stiles was definitely going to look for him now.

Cora smirked and moved away to join the rest of the Hales gathered in the living room for the New Year's Eve celebration. Stiles had a sneaking suspicion that she knew about his crush on Derek. Hell, Derek probably knew, too, because sometimes Stiles caught Derek studying him—as if he were trying to guess what Stiles was thinking.

His scrutiny certainly never helped keep the blood from rushing to all the wrong places on Stiles's body, including his cheeks. That damned blush had been the bane of his existence ever since he realized that his feelings for Derek were far from platonic.

Because they were friends. Best friends.

And that was what made this whole situation a giant cliché. Stiles couldn't risk their friendship over an unrequited crush on his straight best friend, even if every fiber of his being was screaming at him just to tell Derek how he felt. It was safer to keep those feelings buried deep down, where they couldn't cause any damage.

Stiles figured Derek was probably hiding away from the noise and the crowd, staring at the stars. So he made his way through the party to where he was sure Derek would be, and sure enough, as he passed the large picture window facing the backyard, he spotted a familiar silhouette sitting on the deck, looking up at the night sky.

Derek.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Stiles stepped outside and quietly shut the door behind him. The crisp night air bit at his cheeks as he walked toward Derek, trying to think of something to say that didn't involve confessing his undying love.

"Hey. You okay?" Stiles asked as he drew closer, his footsteps echoing on the deck's wooden slats.

They'd practically grown up together, friends since elementary school, and Stiles could usually tell if Derek was broodier than normal. From the stiff way Derek was sitting, something was definitely bothering him. There was only a two-year age difference between them, even though Derek seemed more mature at times—like he was an old soul who'd seen it all and had the cynicism to prove it. But also like a protector since Derek always seemed to be looking out for Stiles, even when it wasn't necessary.

Derek glanced briefly over his shoulder. "Yeah, just"—he sighed—"got some things on my mind."

Stiles sank down beside him and dangled his feet over the edge of the deck, mimicking Derek's posture.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Derek sighed again. "I know about your crush on me."

It was said so suddenly that Stiles tensed beside him, barely breathing. Fuck. His heart hammered in his chest, and he couldn't look Derek in the eye. This was it; this was the moment that would change everything. Stiles had imagined a hundred different scenarios, but he never expected Derek to bring it up first.

"I…I…" Stiles cleared his throat. "I'm sorry…if that makes you uncomfortable, I mean."

That was the last thing Stiles ever wanted. Derek was his best friend, one of the most important people in his life. The fear of ruining that was paralyzing.

"It doesn't," Derek said, turning to face Stiles with an intensity in his gaze that Stiles had never seen directed at him before. "It's just...I didn't know how to bring it up. Or what to do about it. I've been trying to figure out my own feelings. And they're not as straightforward as I thought."

Stiles was sure his heart skipped a beat, or maybe it stopped altogether. "W-What do you mean?"

Because there was no way Derek meant—

"I'm…I think I'm bi." Derek's confession came out in a rush, his voice barely above a whisper, yet it seemed to resonate with the importance of a shout in the quiet of the night.

Stiles felt like his entire world had just shifted on its axis. "You think or you know?"

"I know. I know I'm bi," Derek answered with more conviction this time.

Stiles's mind was racing, his previous worries suddenly replaced by a burgeoning hope that was probably reckless to entertain. Just because Derek was bi didn't mean he had feelings for Stiles.

"Well, that's—you know you can talk to me about anything, right? Like if you have questions or…" God, Stiles had no idea what he was saying. He just wanted to be there for his friend. To support him, regardless of how this might turn out because that was what friends did for each other. So, instead, he blew out a breath. "So, how did you—"

"Know?" Derek finished. "It was you."

Stiles's eyes went wide, his head snapping back to look at Derek.

Me? he wanted to ask, but it was as if speaking were a foreign concept. His mind couldn't wrap around a single word to utter out loud. All of this time, he'd been so wrapped up in his own feelings and fears that it had never occurred to him that Derek might be grappling with concerns just as considerable, perhaps even more profound. That Derek could be struggling with the same revelation about his sexuality, in part because of him. That maybe, just maybe, his feelings weren't unrequited after all.

"If I'm being honest, I've had… I've had feelings for you for a while," Derek admitted, looking away from him. His throat bobbed as his confession hung between them, tangible and heavy in the cool night air. Stiles could hardly believe what he was hearing. It was as if Derek had just presented him with the key to a door he'd been certain was locked forever.

"You…you have? For me?" Stiles stammered, his voice a mix of disbelief and cautious optimism. Derek nodded, finally turning to meet Stiles's wide-eyed gaze.

"Yeah. For you, Stiles. I just didn't know how to say it, and I was scared it would mess up our friendship." Derek's voice cracked slightly with the vulnerability of his admission.

"But…" Stiles frowned, confusion mingling with the sudden burst of elation that was threatening to overwhelm him. "You just said that you knew I had a crush on you."

Derek let out a humorless chuckle. "I thought you might, but I wasn't sure. Not until now. And I was worried about how it would affect everything. Our friendship, the group dynamics, our families..." Silence hung in the air for a moment before he continued, "You mean too much to me to risk it all on a maybe. I love you, Stiles."

Was Stiles dreaming? The possibility of Derek returning his feelings was something he had never let himself hope for; it was too painful to even contemplate. But he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that when Derek said he loved him, it wasn't just as a friend. There was something deeper in his words, a resonance that couldn't be faked. Stiles's breath caught in his throat, and for a second, he couldn't find his voice. When he finally spoke, every word was laced with emotion.

"It's more than a maybe, Derek. It always has been," Stiles said earnestly, his voice thick with the weight of his own confession. With shaky fingers, he was brave enough to reach out and cup Derek's face. "I love you, too. I always have, and I always will."

Derek shivered and angled closer. Stiles's pulse blotted out the sounds of the nearby party and people counting down.

"Stiles," Derek breathed out, his breath hitching as their foreheads touched. "Kiss me."

So Stiles did.

Derek made a sound in the back of his throat—part groan, part sigh—as Stiles's heart galloped wildly. He was so afraid Derek would change his mind and pull away that Stiles reached out, tangling his hand in Derek's shirt and holding him steady. When Derek's tongue flicked against his, Stiles's entire body came alive, and he understood what this kissing thing was all about. It was breathy and heart-stopping and amazing.

They kissed for a long time, Derek's warm fingers gripping his neck and Stiles's twisted in his shirt, only breaking apart to catch their breath before going back for more. His lips were firm, his tongue was soft, and Stiles wanted to live in this moment and never come up for air.

But eventually, he did, panting softly against Derek's mouth, their foreheads still pressed together, eyes still closed.

Derek's hand, still on Stiles's neck, slid up into his hair, a gesture so tender that it made Stiles's heart swell even more. They stayed like that for a while, just breathing each other in, until the chill of the night reminded him they were still outdoors.

"Let's go inside before you freeze," Derek murmured, his breath warming Stiles's face.

"Yeah," Stiles agreed, voice hoarse from their intense kiss. "But, uh, what do we—"

"Tell everyone?"

Stiles nodded, wondering how the others would take the news. If Derek even wanted everyone to know yet because he wouldn't just be announcing that they were dating, he'd be coming out, and that was huge.

"Well, first I'll probably tell them that I'm bi. After that…" Derek took Stiles's hand, lifting it and kissing his knuckles. "We'll tell them we're…boyfriends?"

It came out more as a question than a statement, and Stiles's heart beat even faster—if that was possible.

"Are you sure?" he asked, not wanting Derek to feel pressured into putting a label on things too quickly. "We don't have to—"

"I've never been more sure about anything." Derek met his eyes, his gaze clear and steady. "I want to call you my boyfriend and have the world know that I'm yours and you're mine."

It was a yes—a resounding yes that seemed to echo in the quiet that followed, and a wave of relief crashed over him, mingling with excitement and a touch of nerves.

"Okay then, boyfriend," Stiles said with a grin that lit up his entire face. "Let's go inside and figure out the rest together."

Hand in hand, they walked back into the house, their future unwritten but promising. This was the start of something new, something real, and Stiles couldn't wait to see where it would lead.

#sterek #sterekfestsmidnight #sterekfestswinter2023 #sterekfests #sterekweekly #sterekweeklypresent #sterekbingo #holy shit i wrote something

[chrisrin]

What did bismuth Dirk make Hal FOR?

ALRIGHT! TIME FOR MY SECOND STORY DUMP! We need a bit of context before we get to Hal, so bear with me. (this is a long as fuck post)

SO! Dave and Dirk both come from Homeworld, as all gems do. I'm not super sure on the exacts, as the Alpha Kids are the first ones to leave together and they pick up the Beta Kids later but, we're kind of floating around the idea of Bro being Yellow Diamond or having some sort of equivalent power. Both Dirk and Dave are gems under Yellow, Dirk being a Bismuth and Dave being a Carnelian.

Plot stuff happens, Dirk escapes and at some point comes back to get Dave and now they have a whole squad and all that, yadda-yadda. However, during their escape from Homeworld, something Bad happens and causes Dave to get injured (don't know what it is yet but it's something)

Dave's gem gets cracked but everyone still makes it out okay. Due to whatever the circumstances are surrounding this, only Dave and Dirk know of the status of Dave's gem, Dave starts wearing actual clothing upon getting to Earth to hide his cracked gem, using the excuse that it's cool and he's trying to vibe with the style.

Dirk is a Bismuth, he's been trained his whole life to create weapons of war and things for destruction, and now, faced with one of the people he's come to care about most, it's the one time he can't fix a problem by putting a hammer to it. He can't help Dave, and Dirk blames himself for letting Dave get hurt in the first place, thinking he wasn't strong enough to protect him.

As time goes on, Dave gets worse, and especially after escaping Homeworld, Dave's cracked gem prevents him from spawning his weapon. This means Dave is filled with trauma on top of feeling deeply defenseless, coming from a place where having a weapon on you at all times was the only thing keeping you alive.

Dirk, watching Dave's deterioration, decides that enough is enough and he seeks out Pink Diamond. Upon finding Feferi, Dirk trades in something (A deal? A service?) in exchange for some of her healing material. He brings it to Dave and heals his gem.

So, you'd assume everything's fine and dandy now, right? Surely.

But no, it's Dirk, so it's not.

Dirk looks at this situation and says, "I'm never going to let this happen again" and concludes that the reason Dave got hurt was because he, Dirk, was not strong enough. So Dirk asks, "How do I get stronger?"

At some point during this time, the group is all out doing stuff together and Dirk watches Sollux save all their asses from something. Dirk realizes Sollux is statistically the stronger gem out of the whole group and puts two-and-two together (literally), concluding that what he needs to be powerful is...

Fusion. (do you see where this is heading?)

Will Dirk go and ask Sollux about this? Will he go and maybe ask Roxy, who he trusts? Will he talk to Dave and get his thoughts?

No, of course not. Because Dirk is a little stupid.

Dirk theorizes that if he can splinter his own gem and create an artificially copied fragment of himself, he'd be able to fuse with himself which would avoid having to rely on other people. So Dirk does the one thing he wasn't going to do to Dave. He takes the hammer to himself.

This, as you would imagine, goes fucking horribly wrong.

Dirk creates Hal, who is only a very small sliver of Bismuth. A corrupted gem that can't properly speak, seems to be intelligent, but also fucking hates Dirk.

Dirk, panicked, both because now his own gem is fucked up, but now because he has a little Dude running around his workshop, decides "oh fuck I need to fix this" and tries to fuse with Hal.

It doesn't work. Their fusion isn't stable. They can't fuse back together.

Dirk, having no idea what to do, decides to hide Hal away in his workshop and does his best to lie to everyone. Dave is suspicious, as Dirk starts to wear clothing that covers his gem, but Dave also isn't one for emotional vulnerability so he doesn't ask. Dirk continues to lie to most of everyone, even as his own state gets worse and worse.

Eventually, Sollux realizes what Dirk did. And he's fucking pissed. The lie gets uncovered and Sollux is ANGRY. Remember when Pearl lied to Garnet about the tower and the whole Sardonyx thing? It's like that, but both sides are angry at each other and refuse to apologize.

The rest of the group do their best to take care of Hal, they try to help Dirk fuse properly with him but it's not working, and Dirk keeps trying to force it but they aren't stable.

Eventually, something happens, and Dave gets poofed while they're out on an adventure (obviously Dave can recover, but it's a huge scare for Dirk). It's something Dirk could've easily protected Dave from, but now because he fragmented himself, he's even weaker than before. This is the final tipping stone for Dirk.

He goes to Sollux and apologizes, begging him to help him figure out fusion.

Sollux, resigned, sighs and agrees to help him. With time, Sollux slowly teaches Hal and Dirk how to work together and fuse, gradually helping them become more and more stable until finally they can fuse together and be like normal again.

Even after all of this, Hal and Dirk fused together aren't any more powerful than they were before. But Dirk grew in a different way, learning to trust others and see that not all his problems can be solved by just relying on himself.

Sollux, seeing Dirk & Hal's growth, who have now become a proper permafusion, offers to fuse with them if he wants to try it. Dirk smiles and shakes his head, and says that he'll be happy with where he is for right now, though he wouldn't mind taking it up in the future. Sollux is beaming back, satisfied that Dirk learned his lesson. (and then when shit goes down in the future we have this fucking awesome moment where Dirk and Sollux fuse together for the first time and theyre so fucking cool and i physicall explode)

ANYWAYS THAT'S MY STORY DUMP. LONG-ASS POST I KNOW BUT I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THEM! HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION!!

#chris talks #homestuck #gemstuck #dirk strider #hal strider #sollux captor #dave strider #i have an abnormal amount of feelings about them #this was mostly taken from a DM discussion i had with a friend where i infodumped this entire plotline to them over the course of like #an hour #long ass post im sorry

[captainjacklyn]

I wonder how headcanons of Azul, Jamil, and Malleus would look like with a fem!mc who is a sea serpent that can switch between human and dragon form?

Sounds great ! I hope you enjoy these head canons, have a great day and stay safe.

Pairing(s) : jamil x reader, malleus x reader, azul x reader

Warning(s) : cussing, and a lot of it. Some crack here and there but not my best shots to be quite frank with you I think this is my worst post so far and I'll do my best to improve and update it. Also I hate the knew banners I put for my characters so I'll go and fix it.

Azul, Jamil and Malleus reacting to a sea serpent F!mc

Well he surely wasn't expecting this.

You don't possess magic but you can transform into a 32 foot sea snake....Doesn't that count as magic-

You luckily aren't a threat to him and he isn't one to you. Well...Not anymore at least. I head canon that when people overblot their mind is taken over by all the negative thoughts (meaning their in a way controlled) yet their body still shows signs of certain emotions such as trembling when afraid.

So when he noticed your enormous dragon head poking from the open walls of Scarabia, He was shaking to death.

Just turning into a jack hammer like :

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

Kalim : "am I the only one who finds it weird that Jamil is vibrating right now ?"

Floyd : "who cares ! it's fucking hilarious, hey shrimpy roar."

Now overblot Jamil went through the ceiling after hearing that ear drum breaking sound.

Azul : "....Is he dead ?"

Jade : "Most likely but I don't think so because he just slammed back down."

WAKES UP IN A HOSPITAL WITH A BRAIN CONCUSSION

"I-I have nothing besides the fact that you just scared me shitless" Great. know he's constipated.

You are fucking GINORMOUS and big is a HUGE underestimation.

Don't try to eat him. don't try to eat him name, don't- Aaand you just did.

Spit him out. wha- No that won't insult him ! you're eating the guy alive and liking octopus as a meal isn't a FUCKING COMPLIMENT.

azul is impressed, horrified and offended.

Don't look at me with those 'I told you' eyes, eating a very much alive being won't flatter them YOU LITTLE-

A N Y W A Y S

The man is scared but he's also impressed with your power, being able to transform into a gigantic monster as its perks.

When people mess with you the respect is quickly gained with one transformation and demonstration of your capabilities.

Besides the fact that you can cause so much fucking damage.

HOW THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU SWALLOWED CROWLEY YET ?!

He doesn't taste good- SO YOU SAY YOU WOULD RATHER EAT THE GUY YOU LIKE AND THE ONE YOU HATE LIVE ?!

god damn it mc.

Two words : DRAGON LOVERS

you both are so fucking adorable, I just imagine the both of you taking a nap in your dragon forms just cuddled up together.

A bit like this :

pretend being a sea snake in dragon form, IT'S SO FUCKING ADORABLE.

but now that NRC knows about you two and your true forms, I pray not for Crowley and his "stress".

chew. him. out.

yes, I know you said no cause he tasted like shit but deal with it. I ain't helping, more like I can't cause he's in your stomach and- Wait a minute.

Did you just eat him alive ?!

I said chew not swallow !

sigh...Malleus ?

But besides the fact that Crowley now resides in your digestion, you and malleus are good for marriage.

Two dragons ruling over a kingdom of faes, if anyone says that you lack knowledge in magic they got another thing coming.

What is surprising is that you come from the waters while he lives in the sky and dry lands. It reminds me of the little mermaid who wishes to meet the guy she saw once, and as a mermaid Ariel has to stay in water meanwhile her love at first sight cliché stays on dry land.

There was a small French story as well which can only be found in a children's book that I used to read as a kid.

It's between a dragon who belongs in the water and the female one who is the rainbow dragon who paints the colors of the sky.

Should I make a fic about this ? I don't know.

Just two adorable dragon lovers and-

Mc swallow Crowley back I do not want to see him.

Hope you enjoyed and I'm sorry for not being active today much often.

#disney twst #twisted wonderland #twistedwonderland #writer #twst meme #twst wonderland #twst yuu #twst #twst fanart #disney twisted wonderland #twst malleus #twst azul #twst azul ashengrotto #twst au #twst angst #twst asks #twst jamil #twst azul ashengrotto x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x y/n #twst x yuu #twst x you #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland x y/n #twst mc #twisted wonderland malleus draconia #twisted wonderland malleus #malleus draconia #diasomnia

[borzoilover69]

“Ok Borzoi so why don’t you like Dirkjohn” - somebody, who didn’t ask, but I want to ramble. 

I guess it’s funny as a crack ship but in actuality, i feel it would fall incredibly flat and only be viable in an unhealthy way. Canonically, they've got little to nothing to do with each other, and their relationship branches on bullshit in the epilogues and HS2 which just isn't a good judge of Dirk and Johns character so much as a butcher of it.

First, lets get their characters down. Dirk, very introspective to the point of destruction, who’s prone to rambling, overcomplicating and accentuating things in a way to keep up his aura of coolness, of being “totally in control and all knowing”, and sort of socially awkward, failing quite a few times to read jokes as jokes. 

John, upfront, more likely to push forward without really thinking, keeps things simple and asks not much, and very much a protagonist figure. He’s blunt, he’s teasing in his humour, and he likes to take the mic out of people and make his own fun. 

Dirk is very active. He's willing to go through many hoops and talk around himself, and he needs a conversational partner willing to spar him on it, however, John is anything but that. He's upfront, he brings a hypothetical hammer down into the bush that dirk is walking around. Jake will indulge, so will a lot of the alpha kids, but the beta kids by far are more blunt and straight forward. John would see whatever bullshit Dirk is pulling and think it's stupid and ornery, and shut him down..Dirk would go "okay" and then either try to counterpoint to be shut down, or walk away.This conversation is a relaly good point of reference for how it would go. Note how roxy is going through the general alpha kids bullshit theatrics and ornery, and john instead of getting it, cuts it down with "no thats stupid", and doesnt get the joke.

This conversation is a really good point of reference for how it would go. Note how roxy is going through the general alpha kids bullshit theatrics and ornery, and john instead of getting it, cuts it down with "no thats stupid", and doesnt get the joke.

dirk wouldn't know how to handle someone actually being completely straight up and refusing to humor him, being open about not giving a shit about whatever tangent dirk is on.  it might humble him which he definitely needs sometimes but most of the time itd just make him go "ok. whatever man im going to jake's"

(art by my boyfriend) 

Nobody puts up with dirk and jakes bullshit as much as dirk and jake do each other

DIRK: "I'll get this blue gumball son of a bitch this time. He's gonna be so perplexed by the bullshit im about to spew he's got no idea the storm that's wafting in on the wind."

 and then john says ratio and dirk is reduced to ash. 

John and Jake also have a bad habit of comparison in a negative sense, like how he did with davesprite. Jake does it out loud with no regard for others, and John is the type to drop a single “x has already made this joke” because his preference of Dave is so much stronger than Dirk. Dirk wouldn’t be able to beat Dave to the ironic punchline because most likely, Dave has already said it in a language John understands, and John has made fun of him for it already. John doesn’t have patience for long winded games, if he’s not in the mood he’ll just fuck off. 

Personally feel like John would be acutely aware that Dirk hates when he shuts him down, but he just genuinely cannot sit here and listen to a “worse version of dave talk like hes pretending to be rose. I just cant.i don’t have it in me.” 

I mean I think they’d be funny somewhat, but they would not be happy together at all it would be awkward as hell. Dirk needs someone to pull him out of his bullshit but John just won’t do that. He won’t consider it really that much. They could have funny moments, but the toxicity of their potential relationship sours most of it for me. Dirk is pretty fucking intense in a lot of ways, and hes prone to being a lot. 

the alpha kids in general are just way intense due to their fucking isolation whatever thety smoked in those years made them volatile like fucking potent like a chili peppers but thats words for another ramble.

John just isn’t able to match Dirk. He doesn't think enough, he's just going with the flow and dirk needs someone who can either match him on an intellectual level or someone who can match him in an interest way. John just wouldn’t take the relationship seriously enough, which would lead to Dirk trying to figure out something that isn’t there to really figure out. John matches well with someone who has known him for a while and doesn’t have a specific way they want things to go. 

#homestuck meta #hom3stuck #homestuck #dirk strider #john egbert #no hate to the ship #just wanted to ramble #still think its a pretty funny ship #borzoi talks #borzoi meta

[positivelybeastly]

X-Force #50

All right, well, we finally did it, gang. We hit the big 5-0, and it's all done. And guess what?

It's all up hill from here! Wednesday spoilers below the cut, and . . . quite a lot of rambling? If I'm honest?

So, we open up on X-Force trying to kill good Hank and Simon, because they are dumb, despite Kid Omega and Sage asserting their genius. They blow up their little gay boat of love, and our intrepid heroes get pitched into the drink.

So . . . this is . . .

Why is Simon wearing a rebreather/oxygen tank?

Dear reader, I implore you to open this link, and scroll down to Simon Williams' powers and abilities.

Immortality: Williams is functionally immortal. Because of the ionic energy that empowers him, he no longer ages and is immune to disease and infection. This same energy sustains Williams' physical vitality far more efficiently than the biochemical process that sustain ordinary human life.

Self-Sustenance As a result of his transformation he no longer requires food, sleep, water or oxygen to survive. Simon is now a fully energized entity who can sustain himself indefinitely without nourishment, easily able to live outside habitable planet orbit.

Benjamin Percy, writer; Drew Baumgartner, Assistant Editor; Mark Basso, Editor; Jordan D. White, Senior Editor.

All four of these men are incapable of Googling basic facts about a character that Marvel has owned and been using since the 1960s. Basic facts that are available if you do so much as a basic skim of the man's Wiki page.

So, why is Simon wearing a rebreather/oxygen tank? So that evil Beast can destroy it and send Simon up to the surface, and good Beast and evil Beast can talk uninterrupted. That's the only actual reason. This is laziness from both an editorial and a writing standpoint, since you could have easily just had evil Beast use some kind of gadget to achieve the same effect, but don't worry! This won't be the most egregious lack of attention to detail this issue!

Yaaaaaay . . .

"My Beast," huh, Simon?

Gay.

Also, this scene makes X-Force look fucking pathetic, because Simon could literally wipe the floor with every one of them and not break a sweat. Simon 'my fists are LITERALLY as strong as Thor's hammer' Williams has nothing to fear from fucking Omega Red. His pacifism is the only thing keeping you from looking even stupider than you already do.

Orchis attacks to give the rest of X-Force something to do. I don't care.

But we do get this funny fuckin' shit.

Tie him up?

Logan, did you forget the last time you fought Simon? Or the time before that?

Anyway, the Beasts talk. It's not a particularly interesting conversation, for the most part.

God, this plan is just so fucking stupid.

But.

There is one moment that actually kinda works.

It's really funny to me that two of the worst Beast writers of all time, Brian Michael Bendis and Benjamin Percy, both managed to grok this essential fact - Hank McCoy loved being this version of Hank McCoy.

He was happy.

He was comfortable.

He was loved.

Feline Hank, as much as I love him, as much as he's my favourite iteration of the character, was never happy in his skin. How could he be? It wasn't something he chose, it was forced upon him. To save his life.

Well, what if he didn't want to be saved? What if he felt his life was so miserable that he might've thought, perhaps I should just let it all end?

He had moments, sure. But he never really escaped this feeling. This fear, this anxiety, this trauma, this pain. He carried it with him for the rest of his life. Just constant trauma, death, misery, regret, mistakes, chances not taken, failures.

But he would never be the same again. It's funny. He's the version I love most, but he's the version of Hank who could never love himself.

Which . . . is partly why it bugs me when people say Hank has internalised mutantphobia. Like, he kinda does, but I honestly don't really feel like it's quite that simple. He's comfortable in his simian form, he loves it, he only very occasionally angsts about it, he is happy. It's when he turns feline that he hates his mutant 'gift,' because now he has to worry about what might come next.

This is not the same as, I hate my mutant powers because they make my life inconvenient, because it means people hate and fear me. He can deal with that. He's been dealing with that since he was seventeen and nearly beaten to death by an angry mob for saving a child.

This is, I hate my mutant powers because they are turning me into something less than human or mutant. Because I am a danger. Because I am in danger.

And his fears are validated. He nearly kills Blindfold and Armour. He eats Logan's leg, tastes human flesh. He spends the last seven issues of Whedon's Astonishing X-Men with the taste of human skin and meat on his lips. How the fuck is he meant to be happy like this?

Anyway, back to X-Force. The two Beasts fight. Orchis shit happens.

Fuck off, Logan. Stop acting like you're at all relevant to proceedings.

Gay.

"X-Force ain't the ones you root for. But we get the dirty jobs done."

You didn't fucking do anything.

Hank and Simon could have fixed this entire mess without you. The only reason you were fighting a Sentinel was because you drew it to your location with your jet, firing at a gay little blue man and his fruity ionic boyfriend! You didn't contribute anything!

And then, as if to cap it all off . . .

What a self-aggrandising load of wank.

Hey, what was Colossus' plot arc through this series?

He spent 5 years being mind controlled and killed his girlfriend.

What was Domino's plot arc through this series?

Well, she got hurt a lot. There was that one time she got skinned. That was fun.

What was Laura Kinney's plot arc through this series?

There were entire issues where she didn't speak a fucking word.

You had.

50.

ISSUES.

And this is the best you could come up with?

"The plan was always for the war without to lead to the war within these two characters."

Is that why Wonder Man was more important to the climax of your book than Logan?

Go step on a fucking Lego, Ben.

This was allegedly a run all about black ops wetwork, the sacrifice of your soul to the harsh work that protecting your country requires, the inexorable slide towards moral degradation that comes from compromise.

It ended with a blue man in a stupid plant suit sacrificing himself to save a D-list actor from a bomb that would have crushed Mars into a pocket dimension, all so that his clone can go and become roommates with said D-list actor.

Ben Percy, of all the writers the X-office has welcomed into its midst, you were certainly one of them.

I just . . . this was what was worth jettisoning 40 years of Hank McCoy's personal history for? This cockamamie bullshit? This excuse for you to whip your dick out and pretend you're Larry Hama, when you can barely measure up to Chuck Austen?

Also, Jonathan Hickman, you're kind of on my shitlist for this, too. You may write a halfway decent comic book every now and then - and make no mistake, they're mostly halfway decent, I think he scrapes greatness with his ideas, but his execution is. Dry.

But that's better than his eye for talent, clearly.

I hate being negative. I feel guilty every time. I don't enjoy it. I hate to dwell. I hate to spiral. I hate to obsess over things.

But X-Force is just . . .

X-Force was, just shit. I will go to my grave telling anyone who'll listen that it's not worth reading.

"It'll read better in trades!" No, it won't.

"It has such a good team!" If you burn a pie made of good ingredients, you still have a burnt pie to eat.

"The art is so good!" And if you put sprinkles in a toilet bowl, it's still a toilet. It just looks prettier now.

Oh, and just in case anyone from Marvel ever reads this - they won't, they only hang around on Twitter so people can jerk off about the panels they write explicitly to be shared by the X-stans - I've pirated every comic I've read in the last 10 years. Every issue of X-Force? Pirated. All these caps? Pirated. Every time someone asks me where to read comics, what to read? Pirate links.

I didn't pay a dime for this series. I still feel like I got ripped off.

I almost can't believe it's over . . . what am I going to do with my life now that I don't have X-Force to complain about?

Oh, yeah. I can just read good comics. Nearly forgot about that.

But hey. That leads me to . . . I don't know, I guess, the end of an era.

Because Hank didn't get his memories back. Maybe he will in the future, but I don't have faith that there's anyone at Marvel that feels this strongly about Beast, so I doubt it. I need to write this down, anyway, for the catharsis. It'll help me say goodbye.

Rest in peace, Hank McCoy, 1985-2018.

You were the Beast I fell in love with. You were the man who taught me to be gentle when the world was unkind. You were the man who taught me that sometimes you don't have to love the body you're in, you just have to want to keep on going, because it can get better. There's always that chance. You were the man who led me to my boyfriend of 12 years, who I love more dearly than anything else on the planet. You were my friend when I didn't have many, and you've helped me make a lot of friends I quite appreciate. People I'm proud to know.

You're gone now. A lot of people aren't going to mourn you. They don't appreciate what was lost. But that's okay. I'll tell anyone who'll listen how brilliant you were. I'll try not to hold it against the version of you I'm left with, that he isn't you. He was you once. He could be like you again. Maybe better. I'd like that. I hope that's the case.

I'll keep writing you. I honestly don't think I could ever stop.

I'll try my best not to be sad that you're gone.

I'll try my best to instead be simply glad that you happened.

I'll give the past its due.

Which is all you can do, in the end, for the dead and for the past.

Well.

That, and live.

#outofmuffins #hank mccoy #wednesday spoilers #blood tw