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enhy4en · 2 years

Text

enhypen hyung line as college roommates

pairing: enhypen hyung line x gn!reader

genre: fluff, roommate trope

warnings: not proof read! few curse words, kisses.. that's it i think, please lmk if i missed anything

word count: 1.8k

note: this will be my first writing post on tumblr ever! as a college freshman, these bullets are really not accurate because I still live with my parents lmao and i'm still doing online school. ANYWAY this is what my brain came up with. let's start <3

heeseung

okay, he would be quiet as FUCK

he is a frickin infp, man’s introverted

he only speaks when spoken to

BUT he would be protective, i can see that

being two years your senior, he definitely gives you all the advice you could ever need.

best study places? he knows them all.

where to and not to party? he tells you everything.

even professors to watch out for. AND HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE SAME PROGRAM AS YOU

after two months, he’d have already warmed up to you.

no more introverted heeseung! you only knew loud and funny heeseung.

you don’t know why, but he definitely cracked more jokes when you’re around. (his friends said so the one time they came over)

as for cooking, you both would fight. either he’s lazy or you don’t want another ramen night.

it got tiring. until you noticed it’s 10pm and dinner was FAR from ready, you shook your head and headed over to the kitchen with youtube open on your phone playing the first cooking video you saw.

you didn’t realize it until it was time to add the green onion to the kimchi fried rice you were making that heeseung practically cut up all of the ingredients you needed.

“whe- how?”

“you were reaaally focused.” he shrugged and snatched the ladle from your hands so he could transfer the rice into two separate bowls.

“you could be a good sous chef, you know? have you considered shifting to culinary?”

“i’m literally one and a half year from graduating, y/n.”

that night, you both didn’t sleep until 2 in the morning.

past midnight, you both decided to clean up.

1am, you two were in front of the microwave waiting for the timer to go off.

2am, the movie you were watching during dinner and well after the popcorn rolled credits.

you see your roommate on the couch, eyes shut, head leaning towards you.

he appears to be coming closer.

you look away. ‘what is he doing?’ you think to yourself.

you suddenly feel two arms on your waist, tightening its grip. you hear “you’re my favorite roommate.” from the voice you’ve been hearing consistently the past two months.

others after the cut!

jay

i do not know if im emotionally ready for this (prolly not) but let’s go

he’s been your bestest friend for most of high school so it’s a no-brainer when you both got into the same university that y’all will be roommates.

bickering. all. day. long.

“i’m showering first.” you reminded him when attempts to open the door.

“then why aren’t you HERE?”

“i’m getting in the mood, okay?”

very chaotic.

there is one time though when you both seem to have a cease-fire.

that time being when you got sick.

he had only one class that day so the whole three hours he was gone, was the only time you felt peace after five months of living with him.

the peace you felt being a good nap. when you woke up, you heard noise in the kitchen.

“jay, is that you?”

“guess!”

you rolled your eyes and decided to get up since your nap did 50% of the medicine’s work, one that you were supposed to take.

only you ran out so you waited for jay to buy some.

“what are you doing here?” jay, turning his back from the stove to face you, questioned.

you turn his back around again, “chill. i don’t feel that sick anymore. what are you cooking?” you peeked through his shoulders with a tip-toe to see that he was cooking soup, the one your mom makes for you when you don’t feel well.

“oh my god, you love me THAT much?” you said with a hint of sarcasm and teasing

“yeah, of course. why do you think i put up with your bullshit for 6 years, huh? of course, i’m in love with you.”

“woah, IN LOVE? JAY WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”

his confession was so sudden

and that resulted in him PLAINLY AVOIDING you for three days

“jay, can we at least TALK about it? i swear i’m gonna go insane if you go another second of ignoring me.”

“i was planning on confessing, okay? and i planned it to go way better than that. c’mon...” he looked down.

“well, i think it was perfect.”

“sorry for ruining our friendship-” you cut him off with, “i like you too, you know?”

“WHAT?” an ‘o’ formed with his mouth. he was so cute.

he finally looked up to see your expression. when his eyes met yours, both of your lips formed a smile. his eyes a perfect crescent.

“so...” he started.

“so...” you continued.

“what now?” you said together.

he shook his head, still with the unstoppable smile. “come here.” he opened his arms, gesturing a hug.

“i really thought...” he said under his breath, with his chin touching the top of your head.

“shut up and kiss me.”

jake

hella awkward at first.

you're both international students so there's gotta be solidarity or something, right?

WRONG.

you and jake didn't talk for two weeks.

nods and waves were the only forms of communication.

that was enough, i guess?

it was fortunate that your schedules were the exact opposite. all of your classes were in the morning and all of his were in the afternoon.

you only ever saw each other when you both get food in the common area.

day 13. you became really tired of this. you wanted a new friend.

so you wait for him to come home after his last class finished.

“hey jake!” you said after he locked the door.

“huh? yeah, hi?” he looked confused. maybe because he was. this was the only time he heard you speak other than your first day in the dorms, when you first introduced yourself.

you scrambled your brain to come up with what to say and nothing comes. so you just said, “nothing. just wanted to talk to you more. uh.. good night!” And walked back to your room like you didn’t just wait 2 hours on the couch.

the day after, he started talking to you more. and it didn’t take too long for you to become close. and a month into this some kind of friendship, you started to form some kind of a routine.

study sessions in the cafe nearby. every week.

it started with him just asking where you were going one night and to your surprise, he came with you to the cafe that night because he said he wants to go somewhere to study too.

ever since then, when the clock strikes 9 in the evening, you were both packing up to go down to your trusty coffee shop.

you noticed at most nights, jake doesn’t even bother to open his laptop (that he supposedly brought to study) and he just goes on his phone. you even caught him one time taking a picture of you. “you were making a funny face,” was his excuse.

you were not making a funny face. you don’t know what was going on inside his head.

“jake, if you don’t have to study, you know you don’t have to come with me. right?” you cornered him the next week. you felt a bit guilty because you thought he was forced to go with you every time ever since the first study night.

“but, y/n, i WANT to go with you.”

“why?”

“i just like your presence. if i’m bothering you, then i won’t go anymore. is that good?”

oh.

he likes your presence.

“jake! oh my god, are we friends now?” you asked him with shock and a hint of teasing.

“yeah, of course we’re fr- WAIT YOU DIDN’T SEE ME AS A FRIEND BEFORE?”

“yeah, no. you were more like an acquaintance to me.”

“MY COMING WITH YOU EVERY WEEK TO THE CAFE... was that not our friendship bonding?”

“sure, but you don’t really talk to me... jake.”

“why do we both suck at starting conversations?”

sunghoon

another introvert.

this will be hard. especially, considering that he was one of the last people you'd want to be your roommate.

he hates you for goodness's sake.

well, maybe not hate BUT you’re sure he is out to get you

it’s hard having your academic rival as your roommate, no?

imagine, the one who races you to answer your professor just to annoy you is the same person you have to see each morning.

the one who always compares both of your scores is the same one who is now making coffee just outside your door.

can your university experience get any worse?

a deep breath later and your door is open. you need to go to school anyway.

you nodded at sunghoon and headed to the bathroom to shower.

you were running late, so you did everything as fast as you could.

then, you remembered as you were finishing up

you forgot to eat! you always liked to eat before showering, it was comforting.

it gave the slow vibe of a weekend morning. but now, all of that's gone.

all because of your annoying roommate who you were trying to avoid a while ago..

ultimately, you decided to eat just after your first class.

it’s only for an hour, i can do it. you thought about its duration. you can go back to your apartment to eat, without any distractions.

okay, it’s been decided! let's go to class.

you got out, all dressed and wondered, “where is he?”

why were you looking for sunghoon anyway

you shook your head and picked your keys up to go out.

an hour later, you heard noises as you were unlocking your apartment door.

you thought to yourself, sunghoon is gone for the day, right?

is there someone else inside? what if it was a thief?

so you inhaled as you opened the door.

while you were expecting a black masked figure, you saw the last person you’d thought to see.

sunghoon.

“you didn't eat breakfast.” he said simply and pointed to the dining table where he was sitting.

he continued, “so i cooked.”

“you weren’t even here when i finished showering.”

he shrugged. “groceries, duh.”

you laughed through your nose. “always an answer for everything. huh, sunghoon?”

“you bet,” he smiled and continued, “this doesn't mean we're friends. remember that.”

“of course. even the time when you took care of me when i was drunk, we weren't friends then.”

“yes! we weren't, we aren't, and we will definitely will not be friends.”

“you're insufferable, sunghoon.”

“not as much as you, though.” and he had the audacity to wink.

he was wrong, by the way.

both of you became friends soon after that.

then, lovers.

wait. that makes him... half right. you both are certainly not friends now.

“oh my god. was that what you meant by us never being friends?!” you jump up from your slumber.

you both were taking a nap. it was a nice sunday afternoon.

in your shared bed, sunghoon turns to face you.

he jolted his eyes in confusion. why were you screaming well into the afternoon? he didn't know.

but he did.

“we were never going to be friends because,” he paused to grab onto you and be closer to your scent.

“i was already in love with you then.”

367 notes · View notes

binniesthighs · 3 years

Note

hi!! i rly liked your first writing it was so cute and you described jisung so well too! can i request a friends to lovers with han? kinda slow burn like they're really good friends but jisung gets jealous of her close friend and reader secretly likes him too but she doesnt wanna ruin the things between them so... one day they get into a fight and they end up making out😳 bc shes like "wtf we're friends" smut is ok but just a make out would be fine too the details r up to u💗

why yes you can! Thank you for requesting hehe you are my first ask ever ♡ I hope that you like it, here’s some best friend ‘sungie for ya :)

all yours | reader x jisung |

Paring: self-insert, female reader x han jisung

Genre: fluff ‘n a lil bit of smut & angst

Tags: student!reader, bestfriend!jisung, lab partner!felix (haha), friends to lovers, mutual pining, best friend au, college au, jealousy, slow-ish burn, mentions of exams, some yelling, reader is secretly whipped for jisung (and jisung for the reader), explicit language, marking, that good good makin’ out

Word count: 2.4k

“Hey!”

The little ball of paper that you had crinkled up bounced off Jisung’s arm with a soft pat.

“What happened to studying together? You said that you were gonna quiz me.”

Jisung’s eyes popped up from his phone screen looking a little bewildered. “Sorry, I just...got a little distracted.

“Distracted? Looking at what?”

“Oh, nothing.” He placed his phone down, clicking it off.

“Is “nothing” code for some girl’s Instagram?” You dished him out a teasing smirk. “I think you forget that I know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

Jisung shuffled the papers in front of him pretending like he had something to do. “Psh. I was not.”

“--Does she go to school here?”

“I told you, I said no.” He furrowed his brow trying to look as serious as possible, but that was nearly impossible for someone as naturally adorable as him. “Why are you drilling me? Aren’t you supposed to be doing some work right now?”

“~So are you~” You teasingly sang back to him, giving him a kick under the table just for good measure.

Jisung threw your balled up paper ball back to you. “Let’s just get back to what we were doing so we can leave. I don’t wanna end up like him.”

He nodded over to the end of your table where a student had fallen asleep mid-chapter. His nose twitched and he snorted a little bit. You knew exactly what Jisung meant, you didn’t want to be at the library at 11pm on a Tuesday either; it was your better judgement that told you.

“Can we get food after this?” Jisung asked after approximately five minutes of “working.”

“Sounds good to me.” You quipped, barely allowing your eyes to leave your computer screen. You found that you always had to try you best to let him not distract you. He was really good at that.

You slid a stack of index cards in front of him. “Ask me these? I’m having a hard time getting the Latin names down...if you’re not busy?”

“Nope!” He piped, and shoved his notebook away.

“Okay!” He said with determination and a little bounce. He fixed his oversized hoodie before starting, looking adorably lost in the fabric.

He asked you the first question, but it barely met your ears. There you were, getting distracted by him again.

screw you Han Jisung, you thought to yourself.

☆。*。☆。

“I just don’t understand how you make sense of all that crap, I could never be a science major like you are.”

“--And I could never understand production like you do.”

“And this is why we work.” Jisung grinned with smiling eyes while he opened the library door for you. “I’m starving, I can’t stop thinking about--”

“--Y/n??” A voice called from behind the two of you.

The two of you whipped your heads back to see a loveable looking blonde and freckled boy bounding to catch up with you. It was Felix, your lab partner from zoology. The two of you were nothing more than classroom friends, but his friendly kindness was always something that brightened up your terrible 9 am lab.

“Felix!” You beamed, holding the door so it wouldn’t close on him. “Are you here studying for the exam as well?”

“Oh yeah, I just...my brain couldn’t take it any more,” He sarcastically mimed his head pains, “I just need to get some sleep now.”

“I just don’t get how they expect us to know all of those phyla like its nothing.”

“I know right?’ He chuckled.

Next to you, Jisung silently poked at the elevator button to go down.

“Is it alright if I head down with you guys?”

“Of course!” You motioned him in.

Once the doors had closed, the three of you found a different corner of the small box to plant yourselves in.

“shit-sorry, Felix, I didn’t introduce you, this is Jisung.”

“Hi!” Felix shone, and Jisung gave him a curt nod back.

Felix waved to two of you goodbye, leaving you in the nighttime snow. You noticed that as Felix walked away he had a little bounce to his step; and you couldn’t help but crack a little smile.

“Our usual?” Jisung asked you with a little edge to his voice.

You linked your arm around his, letting out a little shrill sound when the fabric of your two coat sleeves met. “Sounds good to me!” You nuzzled up into him while both of your bodies’ heat intermingled.

The two of you walked on under the streetlights which illuminated the falling flakes in streams of light. You never loosened your grip, as had become your habit lately when the two of you walked around. Jisung never seemed to mind; the two of you had been mistaken for a couple more than enough times thanks to it. When it did happen, it didn’t phase you at all. Being close to Jisung was like second nature to you.

The whole walk over Jisung never uttered a word, which was uncharacteristic of his usual boisterous self.

“Is everything okay?”

He sniffled, “Yeah, I think I just got kinda tired out of nowhere.”

“Ah.” You mouthed, and squeezed his arm a little harder.

After a moment’s silence, he somberly announced, “If you’re in the same class as him, maybe you should study with him.”

“Huh.” You tsked. “Yeah, I mean I never thought about that before...I guess that could do me some good.”

You looked slightly up to him: a product of him being slightly taller than you. His brown eyes remained stoic, and you couldn’t figure out why. You hated it when he wouldn’t tell you what was wrong, but he was also stubborn at letting up.

“But thank you for helping me tonight! You know that I reeealy appreciate it.” You turned your tone as cutesy as you could--Jisung hated it, but you knew that it could bring a smile to his face.

His gaze softened a bit. “Anytime. You’d do the same for me.”

☆。*。☆。

Jisung rested his head on your shoulder on the bus ride home with his phone weakly held in his hand. One more bump in the road and you knew that it would go flying so you carefully took it into your own lap where it would be safe. You wouldn’t dare moving an inch because you had a feeling that he had closed his eyes. Time had slipped past 1am, and you had to keep fighting yawns yourself. The bus driver had been blasting the heat, so it wasn’t hard at all for you to feel cozy.

You glanced down at his open hand in his lap. It looked exactly like he was beckoning for you to scoop it up in your own. You wondered what what happen if you did. What would he think of it? Would he think anything of it? You had held hands before, but every time you had it had been under purely platonic pretenses. If you just grabbed it now, what would the pretenses be then? The two of you cozied up on a bus: that was something that couples did.

You shut your eyes closed tightly and tried your best to banish all the thoughts clouding your head.

Jisung’s hand twitched, looking even more inviting.

screw you Han Jisung.

☆。*。☆。

[7:14pm]

jisung: you want to come over? Changbin is cooking and i don’t wanna eat whatever he’s making alone

[7:31pm]

me: sorry, I’m studying with Felix at the library, I think that we are gonna be here late. It’s all the Latin, I’m drowning in the Latin, Sung.

I’m sorry.

see you Friday once I’m out of this hell?

[7:34pm]

jisung: see you friday.

☆。*。☆。

You pounded on the door to Jisung’s apartment with your phone in hand, the white screen showing you the number that you had worked so hard for.

“Open the door!” You called giddily. “Jisung! I know that you’re in here, we need to celebrate! ~I can treat youuu~”

Just as you were about to knock again, the door swung open, revealing a wet haired Jisung in his grey sweats and tee. His brown strands of hair were scattered around his head while he rubbed at them with a towel.

“Shit! Can’t I shower?” He jested.

It took all your will power not to ogle him more. He looked devastatingly handsome, but you swallowed down how utterly flustered he had made you.

You cleared your throat, “Uh...sorry...” then remembered your phone in your hand. “I got a 96! Can you believe it! I’m even surprised too, when I was taking the test I just got so nervous...”

“All that studying paid off huh?” He cockily rose an eyebrow. “You can go ahead and thank me now, without my help...” He shrugged with a grin.

You invited yourself in and threw your bag down at the door like you usually did.

“Thank youuu” You sung. “Oh! And studying with Felix really paid off too.” You took off your shoes, thinking of how nice it had been to finally study with someone who knew your class topics. Not that Jisung wasn’t helpful, but you and Felix were on the same page. “He knew it all way more than I did, so he was super helpful. I forgot to text him--”

Jisung closed the door behind you with a slam that made you jump. He moved away from you, not meeting your eyes. The air around the two of you suddenly became thick with something that did not feel as excited as you just were.

“...do you wanna maybe watch a movie?” You moved closer. “Or we could get some deliv--”

“--Why even bother coming over here?” Jisung suddenly huffed.

“What?”

Jisung’s words flew out of his mouth sharply, “If he was so helpful? What are you doing here, huh?”

“Jisung, I don’t understand...” Your heartbeat quickened in your chest and you felt anxiety swell there as well. Jisung never spoke to you like this. He never sounded like this.

He growled out a little sound in frustration. “I-I just...can’t believe you--”

“--Me? Jisung, what did I do?” You threw your arms up, genuinely confused.

He ran his fingertips over his temples and let out a deep exhale. “Y/n, don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Your temper started to become seething and you felt your ears get hot. “Tell me Jisung. Tell me what I did. And while you’re at it, what has been up with you these past few days? Being short with me, and distant, yeah-I’ve noticed...what are you doing??”

Jisung heaved breaths in and out of his chest, then ran a hand through his hair. He still couldn’t meet your eyes.

For a moment, a flash of panic surged in your head, making your heart ache with an unexpected pain. You truly didn’t know what he had meant, and if you had made a mistake, you knew it could mean loosing him. God, that was the last thing in the world you wanted. It always was.

“If I did something wrong tell me because clearly I don’t know!!” You yelled back at him, straining your throat.

He walked up to you, then grabbed your shoulders with a firm grip. Finally, you saw his eyes, brown and soft, holding a type of pain that you hadn’t seen in him before.

screw you, Han Jisung.

“Jisung, I--”

You were shoved by the shoulders in milliseconds to the door behind you, the impact nearly knocking the wind out of you. You gasped in your surprise, but your mouth was immediately shut by Jisung ramming his lips into yours. His hands needily took your face into his palms with his mouth blazing with hunger for you.

It took you a moment to realize what had just happened and steady yourself after being so startled. His lips were so soft and warm, your brain had a hard time recognizing that he was really doing this. His haste made no indication of stopping so you let yourself do what you had wanted to do for years: you kissed him back with everything that you had.

As soon as you did so, he let out little desperate moans between your lips in response. You let your arms wrap around his back and he fell into them just right. Naturally you took one of your hands to the back of his head and tangled up your fingers in his hair. God, it all felt so good. Jisung snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you into him with force, crashing your hips together.

The two of you clumsily made your way to the couch where he threw you down and crawled over top of you just as fast. He moved to your neck then traversed around your skin, sending shivers all through your body. Your hands eagerly found his back where you dug into him, wanting to be impossibly close. To your side, he carefully took your hand in his, weaving all of your fingers together.

Jisung pressed down into you and began to suck at your neck without holding himself back. It was such an intense feeling that couldn’t help but moan out something you didn’t know you could. You felt his mouth turn into a grin on your skin while he continued. It stung a little when he removed his lips, but he gently kissed each mark as if he was soothing it once he was done. He stopped to admire the little array of purple bruises he had made.

“I want you all to myself.” Jisung’s voice was hoarse, but still honey-covered in desire.

“What are we doing?” You asked him in breathless disbelief.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” He whispered, and appeared to calm his breaths. “I don’t care.”

"You don’t?”

“Why should I?” He cocked his head and used his free hand to caress your face.

“--That this could change things between us?”

“You don’t want it too?” He looked a little confused.

You felt a warmth rush to your cheeks. “--No! I do, I do...trust me.”

“Then can I kiss you some more?” Jisung grinned down at you as loving as he always had, but this time it meant something slightly different.

“...please.”

He lowered back onto you, connecting your lips once more. Jisung’s tongue languidly smoothed onto yours and you already felt intoxicated by the feeling. You tightened your fingers around his.

I’ve always been yours.

534 notes · View notes

haikyuuuuuhypeeeee · 3 years

Text

Chapter 7

⚠️WARNING: Mentions of previous characters' deaths, swearing, mention of unhealthy coping mechanism

• ────── ✾ ────── •

You gasp as you wake up, your eyes attempting to discern anything in the dark.

What the…

Not even two seconds ago you were playing volleyball back in the Aoba Johsai gymnasium. It was a silly two on three game, Oikawa and Mattsun vs you, Makki and -

Oh.

Tears well up in your eyes, fast and hot. They flow down the side of your face, into your hair and the pillow. You do nothing to stop them, crushed by the sudden wave of sadness.

It was a dream. It was a freaking dream.

You’re alone in your apartment in the middle of the night. You’re a college student at Sendai Uni. You don’t play volleyball.

And Hajime is dead.

The sobs come out unconstrained, as you were too heartbroken to try to stop them. How could you, as it was the only way for you to let out the sorrow and anguish coursing through your blood right now.

C’mon Y/N, get yourself together. You will yourself to calm down, getting the sobs to subside. The tears don’t slow though, as you sit up to grab some tissues from your bedside table. You clean yourself up, sniffling and grabbing your phone.

It’s only just past 1am, and you can’t fathom the idea of falling back asleep. Not when there’s the chance of you falling back into that dream. Not when you can be fooled into thinking that you’re playing volleyball, still trying to receive Oikawa’s serves and laughing when Hajime yells at Makki to take this seriously -

Your eyes well up with fresh tears and you clutch a tissue to your mouth to muffle the cries that want to escape.

The only thing you’re sure about right now is that you don’t want to be alone. You can’t be alone, you just can’t.

You unlock your phone but staring at your screen you don’t know who you can call.

Ok, that’s not true. You have a lot of people you can call. Your parents, Oikawa, Mattsun, Makki, hell even your therapist gave you her cellphone to call if you need her. And you know that all of those people wouldn’t hesitate to listen to you and help you.

But do you want to call any of them?

This isn’t a life or death situation, and you don’t feel like you are a danger to yourself so it would be irresponsible to call your therapist. It’s the middle of the night and your parents still work so you don’t want to wake them up.

That leaves your friends, the people who honestly could still be awake and maybe even wanting to talk to someone. But Makki has Mattsun, and vice versa. Which would leave Oikawa, but honestly? He’s been more than unbearable lately, and you’ve been walking on eggshells around him, scared that anything you say will set him off.

So you’re here, laying in your bed with no one to call. And the one person that you desperately want to call is dead.

Sniffling again and wiping the fresh tears from your eyes you pull up your texts. Maybe you can send a funny meme to Makki and start a meme war - it’ll take your mind off your current predicament at least. But your eyes fall to the chat you have with Osamu, close to the top of your messages.

Huh, you didn’t really think of him.

Not that you wouldn’t want to talk to Osamu. He’s actually very funny, with his dry humor and easy banter. Your friendship, despite its more than unusual beginning, has blossomed into something you’ve come to cherish.

But you can’t bother him with this, no no. You guys can, and have, confide in each other about your struggles and your complicated feelings and emotions. But it’s mainly been small bits and pieces shared over coffee.

But it couldn’t hurt to text him, no?

You wouldn’t say anything about your dream. Maybe you can find a funny meme to send him, or ask a question about lunch tomorrow.

You methodically type out your message, finding a meme to almost perfectly capture your mood (but not too accurately.)

You send the text before talking yourself out of it. It wouldn’t surprise you if Osamu didn’t text you back - it’s late (or early, depending on your opinion) and he should be sleeping.

You sigh deeply, finding yourself back in square one. Square one plus a stuffy nose, aching head and absolutely broken heart. You close out of the messaging app and decide to find some show to binge while you wait for the sun to rise.

Your phone begins vibrating and you’re surprised to see what comes across your screen.

Osamu doesn’t text you back. He calls you.

You pick up the phone. “Hello?”

“I hope that photo isn’t a subtle request to have me come over and cook for ya.” The soft, calm voice coming through the phone makes your chest tighten. It brings a wave of relief because you’re not alone but drowns you in guilt at inconveniencing your friend.

You clear your throat and sniffle. “No, sorry.” Your voice cracks and you wince at how obvious it is that you were just crying.

Osamu picks up on your current state. “Hey, are ya alright?”

He sounds so concerned, the teasing lilt in his voice instantly dropped. Your eyes start to water again and you can’t stop the sob that escapes your lips in time.

“Hey, Y/N are ya okay? Where are you, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you croak out. Your voice sounds horrible, extremely hoarse and tight as you try not to let more sobs spill out. Gritting your teeth helps keep them at bay but it does nothing to stop the flow of tears. You sniffle, loud.

“Where are you? Are you in danger?”

“No, no. I’m at my apartment. I’m okay.” You take in a shaky breath, sniffling again and clearing your throat. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“It’s okay,” Osamu replies. He doesn’t sound as frantic as he did before but you can detect the worry in his voice. “I was still up so it’s no bother. I don’t even know why I called honestly. I think I just wanted to see what ya were doin’ up.”

“It’s fine, you can call me whenever,” you reply earnestly. “I….just had a dream.”

A split second of hesitation is all you’re allowed to mentally scream at yourself for breaking the one condition you set when you decided to text Osamu. “A dream?”

You nod, even though he can’t see you. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for bugging you because it’s not fair to you but I just have to tell someone or else I feel like I’m going to fucking suffocate. I know I should just call my friends but they don’t want to hear me go on and on and -”

“Hey, hey Y/N. Calm down and take a breath.” You listen to Osamu, taking a pause to breathe. Your head is now throbbing painfully and your throat feels wretched. “What was yer dream about?”

“I was playing volleyball with my friends and...Hajime.” You are silently screaming at yourself. You were not going to do this to Osamu, you were not going to burden your friend, who is already facing struggles of his own, with your problems.

But...he did ask what your dream was about.

“We were playing volleyball together,” you go on. “And it felt so real, like one minute I was in the middle of a play and the next I was waking up in my bed, searching for the ball. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was all a dream, and, and,” your breath hitches again and you feel more sobs bubbling out. Again you feel the grief take control of your body and you start crying.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay Y/N.” Osamu is trying to soothe you but it’s not doing much to calm you down. If anything the added reassurance was making you cry harder “It’s okay.”

It’s not okay. It’s so far from okay that you can’t even imagine how you would get to okay.

“I’m sorry,” you sob. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Ya don’t hafta apologize,” Osamu replies. “Just let it out, Y/N.”

Oh boy, do you let it out. You cry and cry, curled up in a ball in your bed, lamenting the loss of your best friend and trying not to drown even more in your sorrow.

But you’re not alone, really. There’s not another person in the apartment with you, but you have Osamu on the phone right now. He’s reaching out to you, reaching through the dark and trying to get to you.

You’re not alone.

You feel the sobs subsiding as your breathing returns to normal. Your entire head is throbbing, you have no chance of breathing out of your nose and your eyes are painfully dry.

“Are ya alright?”

“Yeah,” you rasp out. “I’m sorry again, for that.”

“Ya don’t ever have to apologize to me,” Osamu says immediately. His insistence brings a small smile to your face. “If ya ever need to talk about yer dreams or anything, that’s what I’m here for.”

“Thank you,” you reply. Your voice is nasally but you try to get as much sincerity in it as possible.

“Of course, and ya can call whenever. I don’t sleep so there’s a good chance ya’ll catch me anytime.”

You pause in wiping your face with your tissues as you take in what Osamu is telling you. “You don’t…sleep?”

“Nah.” Osamu's nonchalant answer makes your cock your head in confusion. “I don’t think I can remember the last time I actually slept through an entire night.”

“So,” you pause, still not comprehending. “What do you…do?”

“I do my homework, I’ve got a job at the convenience store and I usually work the night shift. Sometimes I read or binge watch a new show.” He laughs. “Usually every three or four days I just pass out for 14 hours or so, and then repeat.”

“Osamu,” you chastise. “That’s not healthy.”

He laughs again but it’s not the light chuckle from before - it’s a hollow laugh with a hard edge. “Yeah, well it stops me from havin’ the kind of dreams yer havin’. The kind where I forget that my brother is dead.”

You’re taken aback from the harshness in Osamu’s voice. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sound like that. It could be considered in the same category as his usual tone - dry, sarcastic and nearly apathetic. But his regular tone is part of his sense of humor and how you two converse. You’ve never felt unease from those conversations, but now you do.

“And ya know what's worse than those little dreams?” Osamu doesn’t wait for input. “The worst is when I’m not even asleep and my stupid brain will give me random reminders from when my brother was alive. Like ‘don’t forget to wake up early and shower before Atsumu uses all the hot water!’ Or,” Osamu takes in a harsh breath, the noise making your phone speaker crackle. “Or the reminder to grab another sports drink at the store for Atsumu because he’s a scrub but he’s my brother and I love him. Or to save the mushrooms from my dinner even though they’re gross but Atsumu will trade his broccoli for them.”

Osamu blasts on, speaking fervently. Someone listening in would think he’s mad at you, but you know his frustration isn’t directed at you.

“But then I remember that I live alone, and I don’t need two bottles of sports drink and my plate is full of fucking mushrooms for no god damn reason.”

“And then, after feeling like the world’s biggest idiot for forgetting that my own twin brother is dead, I remember how alone I am.” He lets out another laugh, but it’s not light nor is it bitter. It’s worse, full of self-deprecation and pain.

You wait with bated breath, waiting for any sign on life through the phone. But when Osamu speaks, a small, broken voice comes through the line and nearly breaks your heart.

“It’s like - finding a life raft in the middle of the ocean but when you get to it it’s just a bundle of seaweed - it gets me every time.”

You inhale quietly. You want to reassure him but you can’t find the right words to say.

You can’t, because you know exactly how it feels.

The cold hard truth is that Iwaizumi Hajime is dead. There is nothing in the world that can bring him back, and there is nothing you can do to change that fact. Some days you can accept this fact easier than others.

On the easy days you feel most like yourself carrying a small rock. The weight of Hajime’s death will be something you will always carry with you. But on those easy days you can slip the rock in your pocket or hold it in your hand and carry on through life.

On the hard days it takes way more effort to lug the boulder around. You don’t know if you should drag it, heft it over your shoulder, tie a rope around it and yank hard. Sometimes you’re left to your own devices, sometimes your therapist or your parents can tell you the best way to carry it. Even your friends have stepped in to help you carry it, despite their own rocks to hold.

But the absolute worst days are the ones where you lose the rock, but you haven’t realized it. Where are you going to find it? In your pocket? Your bag? Will you trip over it?

Or will it come crashing down on you like an asteroid hellbent on wiping you out?

And it’s not even the impact that’s the worst part! Sure, this asteroid comes down on you with enough force to kill you, but the shockwave is what really destroys you.

When you have those moments when you forget that your Hajime is dead, the realization of his nonexistence is the asteroid’s impact on you. The cruel realization that his nonexistence is permanent for the remainder of your life is the shockwave.

This cruel one-two punch is devastating. It knocks you down and out, merciless in it’s destruction.

For what it’s worth, Osamu’s solution to dodging that one-two punch is not terrible, although it will have major consequences for his body and mind that he will have to face someday. But you can’t blame him for doing something to avoid the heavy blow.

It does destroy. It does make you feel like you’re drowning. It does nearly kill you.

“Ah, I think she fell asleep.” You’ve been quiet for so long that Osamu thinks you’ve fallen asleep on the phone.

“No, I'm here.” You murmur. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Ah, a dangerous pastime.” Osamu jokes, but it doesn’t quite land. Could be from his full disclosure or from the strained laugh he gives at the end of the sentence.

“It is,” you agree. “But I was thinking about what you said.” He doesn’t respond, letting you continue. “And I just wanted to say...I get it.”

There’s silence on the other end. It’s so quiet that you fear for a second that Osamu has hung up the phone in anger, or maybe he’s drifted off to sleep. But then you hear another breathy exhale, a laugh from a person who is the furthest from laughing.

“Ya know Y/N? I think you’re the only person who does.”

You exhale and close your eyes. You find it hard to open them back up, pure exhaustion taking over your body.

“We’re still on for lunch tomorrow, right?”

“Of course,” Osamu answers. “But ya gotta rest now if ya wanna wake up in time for it.”

A small smile crosses your face. “Sure. Promise me you’ll try to get some sleep too?”

A noncommittal hum is the answer you receive, not ideal but you don’t push him. You feel brittle and fragile, and you’re sure he’s the same.

“Osamu, thank you.” You want to convey how thankful you are, not only that he called you tonight but for coming into your life at a time where you needed a friendly face. You know your gratitude doesn’t come close to covering the vast expanse of your gratefulness but you hope you’ll have time to show him.

“No worries, get some sleep. I’ll see ya tomorrow. Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Osamu.” Your eyes slip close, and you let yourself fall into a dreamless sleep.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: 😔😔 y’all this story is making me Big Sad and I wrote it. 🥲 Thank you so much for reading!!! I should probably mention that the time stamps in the chat and on the tweets and such are accurate - the story is moving right along!

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito

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eulaties · 3 years

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FRUITS BASKET FIC RECS ★ GENERAL ★ #13

fics that have an asterisk (*) in front of them are my personal favorites! also, all of the fics listed are completed unless otherwise stated.

NOTE: these are general fic recs for fruits basket, but a lot of them center around yuki sohma.

this list was last updated on 12/30/20.

if you want yukeru fic recs click here

if you want yuchi fic recs click here

***the less i know the better • yuki & haru, one-shot

SUMMARY: "haru is quiet. he thinks he’d describe himself as quiet, even though sometimes he gets loud—very, very loud—but for the most part, he’s quiet. the only person he knows who is quieter than him is yuki.”

TAGS: first love, bittersweet ending, canon-compliant, pre-canon, one-sided pining, angst, hurt/comfort, contains anime spoilers, read this if you want to cry, yuki’s childhood, mute yuki, haru’s perspective

NOTES: one of my all-time favorite fruits basket fics! i remember first reading this at 1am and crying a lot. the way the author writes is so compelling, and you really feel all of the emotions haru has and its just,,,,so much angst. also, this fic fills in all of the gaps from canon and provides an insight on why yuki was haru’s first love. that said, if you are looking for a fic where yuki & haru end up happily in a relationship together, this is not the fic for you. (like i stated before, it follows canon.)

CW: implied child abuse, yuki has self-destructive tendencies

*poor fake • yuki & kyo, one-shot

SUMMARY: “kyo and yuki cook an egg together.”

TAGS: weird conversations you have with your sworn rival at 6am, slight yuki/kyo, open-ended ending

NOTES: according to the author’s note, this fic is inspired by takaya’s tweet about how yuki holds the same feelings for kyo that he did when they first met.

CW: recreational drug use

vigilante • gen, one-shot

SUMMARY: machi finds herself cornered. tohru orchestrates a rescue mission.

TAGS: mentions of yuchi and kyoru, fluff, tohru fears no one, humor, friendship

perfect peace • yuki & tohru, one-shot

SUMMARY: "yuki, you are my best friend. best best best friend, ever." or, tohru and yuki have a little bit too much to drink.

TAGS: friendship, fluff, humor, background kyoru and yuchi, just really wholesome, post-canon

*we’ve come upon this place by lost ways • yuki & kakeru, one-shot

SUMMARY: “yuki doesn’t know why he agreed to this. he hates hiking. he knows what it’s like walking around the forest for leisure. there are mosquitoes that bite at your feet, bugs that fall into the collar of your shirt. you have to plow through an endless sea of foliage partially wet from the rainstorm two days ago. there’s mud on your feet, and sand in your hair. he can go on and on. and yet here he was, climbing up some mountain trail with the one of last people he’d willingly go on any outdoor trip with.”

TAGS: friendship, fluff, humor, hiking, just them having fun

*that which we call a rose • machi & kakeru, one-shot

SUMMARY: "mother calls him the manabe boy, when she's feeling charitable, or among decent company. otherwise he's 'brat' or 'devil's spawn,' or whatever insults she can come up with in the moment. 'the other child,’ if she's feeling cryptic. machi doesn't call him anything at all. why would she?”

TAGS: found family, sibling bonding, angst, canon-compliant, parts of the fic take place pre-canon, childhood trauma, background yuchi, character study

weekend • gen, one-shot

SUMMARY: “a saturday call from a dear friend.”

TAGS: post-canon, time skip, kyoru, yuchi, humor, canon-compliant, domestic fluff, friendship

*against all odds • yuki & kyo, multi-chapter (3/?)

SUMMARY: “kyo expected a lot of things when he finally came face to face with the rat. he didn’t expect the first words out of the other boy’s mouth to be ‘i like your hair.’”

TAGS: childhood, kyo and yuki friendship, fix-it, eventual kyoru and yuchi

NOTES: this fic is unfinished but i really love the idea of it :) i always thought that kyo and yuki would’ve been great friends if the circumstances were different! the writing is also really good and everyone is in-character.

please don't put your face into your hands • yuki & kyo, one-shot

SUMMARY: “in which kyo wakes up from a nightmare and yuki is the only person he can talk to about it.”

TAGS: hurt/comfort, light angst, unlikely friendship, nightmares, post-canon, canon-compliant, mentions of trauma

*things better left unsaid • yuki & kyo, one-shot

TAGS: angst, nightmares, arguing, childhood trauma, hurt/comfort, tohru makes an appearance near the end, eventual fluff, happy ending

late nights with riceballs • yuki & kyo, one-shot

SUMMARY: “yuki and kyo had an unexpected late night talk while making riceballs.”

TAGS: post-canon, canon-compliant, manga spoilers, friendship, bonding

*ribs • yuki-centric, multi-chapter (6/6)

SUMMARY: “five times yuki laughs freely (+1 time he holds it in)”

TAGS: 5+1, fluff, found family, humor, everyone roasting shigure, everyone’s happy, soft fic!!

sometimes • haru-centric, one-shot

SUMMARY: “sometimes he wondered if the black was really a part of him, or something else. something the curse brought with it. he couldn't tell.”

TAGS: character study, introspection, light angst, the yuki/haru in this fic can be interpreted as platonic or romantic

*must be love on the brain • kyo/tohru, one-shot

SUMMARY: “he glances over at her, and his amber eyes shine when under the light of the moon and the stars and the city. his lips are quirked up in a crooked, boyish grin. he looks so beautiful that it cuts her somewhere inside. or: tohru has a secret admirer. everyone reacts to it accordingly, except for kyo.”

TAGS: unresolved romantic tension, mutual pining, both of them think their pining is unrequited, fluff and angst

#fruits basket #yuki sohma #hatsuharu sohma #kyo sohma #machi kuragi #tohru honda #kakeru manabe #yuchi #kyoru #fruits basket fic recs #my thoughts #eulaties #eulaties fic recs

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sumeshi-t · 4 years

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random 1AM horny thots: the boi's reaction when seeing fem!s/o get a food baby after eating too much lol

characters: oikawa and ushijima (for now; might add a few more later on 😙✌🏻)

aksjdjajh pls enjoy my midnight brain vomit. i know this ain't too good and idk if it's been done before or not but oh well, here it goes 🥵

im shy but ackck im gon tag u @seijoh 🥺 i hope u feel better and sleep well tonite

Oikawa Tooru:

you surprised your bf by going to argentina so you could celebrate his birthday together

you asked help from some of his teammates he's told you about, and they were in on the surprise.

the moment you entered the gym where they trained, he hits a powerful serve, fueled by his excitement after just seeing a glimpse of you from the corner of his eyes. he got a service ace from that, even you were sure it was over 110km/h

then this boy just runs up to you, trapping you in his embrace, your feet off the ground and spinning you around

then comes the cake his teammates got him, someone on the side was actually recording all this. he was already peppering your face with kisses and you two just looked so damn happy even the coach was smiling wtf

so anyway, you guys go out that night and eat

oikawa tells you what food he likes, and what he thinks you were gonna like and he's so spot on like he knows you so well he even brings out the 100% out of your tastebuds—

lol

you were so full from all the food, so full from the love, attention, and affection your boyfriend was showering you that you felt "drunk"

trust me that shit happens. y'know, like food coma? yeah, you ate a lot and it feels like you actually got high on sum dr*gzz

it was time to call it a night, you gave the team some japanese souvenirs as a way of thanking them, not just about tooru's bday, but also because they're taking care of your man really well 🥺

oikawa brings you back to his apartment, apologizes for not having cleaned up and you say you didn't mind because really, it wasn't that dirty or like the jungle-type madness but even then, he goes straight up to at least making the place neat for the two of you so he cleans some of his mess

there was a full body mirror on the far wall, it reflects his bed and him moving about behind you. you were checking yourself out and you ended up chuckling

you put a hand on your low back and another to rub your belly. you were wearing such a body-hugging outfit so the food baby was hella obvious

"look tooru, i'm pregante," you laugh at your own joke and continue to rub your belly

oikawa lichrally stops. and just stares. at your smiling face then down to where your hands were placed.

this boy gulps. why was he feeling so thirsty all of a sudden-?

when you didn't hear him respond, you turn to look at him and he was already making his way toward you.

he wraps his arms around you, hands on your belly. there was no music but you two were swaying to the sound of each other's heartbeats.

without a word, his lips went straight for your neck, nipping and sucking; his hot breath tickling your sensitive skin, hands busy touching you everywhere.

you see him smirk while whispering, "seeing you like that babe, it just makes me want to knock you up so bad,"

next thing you know you were both naked on the bed, facing the mirror

you were on your knees, watching yourselves as your boyfriend took you from behind, your back arched against his chest while his hand gripped on your neck and the other firm against your hickey-filled abdomen; cum was already leaking out of your abused hole you actually lost count how many times the two of you came—

this was a fulfilling kind of feeling full.

and sure enough, you were bringing home with you a different kind of surprise when you went back to japan.

Ushijima Wakatoshi:

it was The Grandma Ushijima's 80th birthday

yeah that lady who wanted to correct your boyfriend's left handedness. she's still alive n kicking

yours and ushijima's schedules were freed up for a few days to help out in the celebration and of course, you stay in the Ushijima ancestral home

yes, ancestral home. tatami mats and all. but high quality ones with silk covers and stuff.

his family didn't mind having you two sleep in the same room; bc ngl they've been wanting a great grandchild.

the sooner the better

like fuck marriage, they want to see results first.

in the three days you spent there, you notice how yours and wakatoshi's tea is different, like is that some kinda ginseng floating around there-? type of different

or how they dug up all of his cute baby pics aww, look at his cute bare bottom

i also hc wakatoshi used to thumbsucc the left thumb it b cute and adorable, you were gushing until whoever was talking to you say that they can't wait to see him have a son or a daughter

anyway, the party soon came along

wakatoshi loved it when he saw you playing with the cousins' children, and how much you just fit in with the family

if he could, he'd have gotten on his knee there to propose, though he didn't have a ring... also, he didn't want to steal the spotlight from his grandma

sometimes he wonders if you were actually a long lost relative

bc also goddamn, your cooking is *chef's kiss* top notch, michelin chef, gordon ramsay approved

and what better way to reward yourself for a job well done is to self-appreciate the craft you yourself created

needless to say, your big appetite got yourself a big food baby after dinner

thus it was now bedtime, children were now asleep, other relatives already back in their own homes

this was the last night you two were staying over

you were lying on your side, face to face with wakatoshi; you were the one mostly doing the talking, jumping from family matters to his volleyball career

then your hand idly rested on your belly, rubbing it, and then you laugh, recalling the encounter you had with some of the Ushijima elders and aunts

"toshi, they really want me to get pregnant so bad. do you think they'll stop pestering me if i show myself like this?" you pat your food baby belly and snicker

his eyes wander towards your belly and he just froze in his spot

the sight of and the prospect of you carrying his child in that body of yours just flipped a switch inside of him. he reaches for your face, eyes now locked with yours. you melt under his big, warm hand, unaware of the brewing storm of emotions your boyfriend was having

"y/n"

"hmm?"

"i think the aunts are right,"

"what...?"

"i... want you to have my child, but... do you?"

which basically translates into "i want to fuck your brains out, may i?"

consent is sexy mhhm

he's so gentle, so careful with his movements, he treats your body like a sacred temple, his every kiss a wordless declaration of worship;

this baby bear was honestly just afraid of breaking you because he knows after that night, wakatoshi jr. will be next who's going to stir up your insides to make space for its growth

you really had to beg him, "more, harder!"

you really had to taunt him, "how are you gonna make me pregnant if you don't go deeper–oh,"

wakatoshi let go of the last string of self-control he had, that your face was pushed against the tatami mat, ass in the air, your hips slapping against each other

you oh-so-tried not to make much noise, but you knew how much wakatoshi loved that

you were sure that anyone who happened to pass by that room was gonna be so embarrassed yet so elated at the huge possibility of having another member to The Ushijima clan

#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu imagine #oikawa tooru #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu hc #x reader #fem s/o

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navalcriminalimagines · 5 years

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What are we?

Hi guys! This is my first NCIS work! I’ve been thinking about it for a very long time and I thought it was time to write it down. I really hope you’ll enjoy it!! Please, tell me what you think!!

Prompt: your best friend McGee becomes a dad and it makes you think about what you really want

Gibbs x Reader, Pride x Reader

Words: 3,339

“Y/N?” McGee called you for the third time. You were so focused on the little girl in your arms, you completely avoid everyone around you. You finally heard your name and hummed in answer, without raising your head. You couldn’t stop staring at Morgane and how beautiful she is. “Y/N, I know my daughter is beautiful but can you look at me for a sec?” Tim asked and you finally looked at him. You also saw Delilah on her bed, with John in her arms, smiling at you.

“Is everything okay?” You wondered. “Maybe you want me to leave the four of you alone?” You exclaimed, cause you realized that everyone was gone except you. And you haven’t put Morgane down since you picked her up an hour ago.

“Not yet. But soon,” Delilah joked to reassure you. “Tim and I have something to ask you,” You looked at them, questioned.

“Do you want to be their godmother?” Tim finally asked. You stayed stoned for a few seconds until the information came to your brain. If you weren’t carrying one of the twins, you probably would have jumped in the air, excitingly. But instead, you simply looked down at Morgane again to hide the tears forming in your eyes. “I’d love to you,” you tried to say as casual as possible. But Tim was no fool and he was your best friend for over 10 years now.

“Y/N, are you crying?” Tim asked. You turned around to the window, avoiding the newly parents. “No,” you lied, crying.

That night, you stayed awake for long hours, probably more than usual. Your work at NCIS prevent you from sleeping correctly since you first started, but you were used to it by now. You started as an Agent the same year as Timothy, the two of you were the Probies and probably due to being a woman, Tony gave you less hard times than your coworker. You grew up with Tim, you became adults and good agents together. And now? He is married to a wonderful lady and father of twins. You? You are just in the same place you were ten years ago, single, no kids and in love with your boss. At first, it was just a crush and you thought it would go away, but it never did. It increased. Which explains why you’ve never been able to date a man more than 6 months. It always end with guys breaking up because of your job, how invested you are in it, and two guys found out about you being in love with Gibbs.

Why can you not move on for those feelings? It’s ruining your life. Everything you thought you’d have by the time you’re 35, you don’t. You and Gibbs built a very special relationship through the years. Sometimes, it looks like a romantic relationship, with flirtation and tenderness, but sometimes, it feels like friendship. You figured out everyone knows about your feelings for him and the relationship he doesn’t have with anyone else, but no one dare to say anything about it over than casual jokes, like calling him your ”work husband”. Husband. It sounds so wonderfully when you think about Gibbs. But you’re not a redhead, like his ex wives.

You take your godmother’s role very seriously. You spend as much time as possible with the twins, helping Tim and Delilah every time they need it. Just like tonight, the twins are now five months old and the parents could really used a date night so you offered to babysit. The beginning of the evening went good, you managed to feed John first and then Morgane. Thankfully, Delilah gave them a bath before they left so that was something you didn’t have to do. But putting them into bed was complicated. Neither of them wanted to sleep, and when one cries, the other cries too. Rocking the two at the same time was impossible, they were moving so much while crying, you were scared to let them drop. You considered calling Tim but you didn’t want to ruin their night, so you could the other person that came to your mind. You can never forget how great Gibbs is with kids, no matter how old they are.

By the time your boss showed up at the apartment, you had vomit all over your shirt - thanks to Morgane - and the twins were still crying in their room. Gibbs laughed when he saw your face and followed the sounds. He picked up the baby girl and started to rock her in his arms. ”Take John and follow my lead,” he ordered and you did so.

Rocking John, you couldn’t help but stare at Gibbs with Morgane. He was so kind and soft, he’s meant to be a father. A part of you understand he doesn’t want to have other kids after what happened to Kelly, but your brain just imagined what if those twins were yours and his. What if the two of you were married.

”Uncle Gibbs is here, baby girl,” he whispered to Morgane who was calming down, just like John. ”Did aunt Y/N cook for you? Is that why you’re so mad?” He joked.

”Hey!!” You exclaimed, offended. It’s not a secret how bad of a cooker you are. Or, were. Because of all the teasing through the years, you took cooking class a few months ago. But nobody knows about it. You kept thinking about how great it would be to cook again for Gibbs without setting his kitchen on fire. ”I’m much better than I used to,” you said. ”Right, my loves?” You said to the twins who were falling asleep.

”Is that even possible?”

”Let me show you whenever you’re free,”

”I’m always free. But at your place, I don’t want to rebuild my kitchen again,” he smiled at you, teasingly and you rolled your eyes. ”Let’s try to put them in bed,”

As softly as possible, you and Gibbs put the twins in bed. They seemed to be in deep sleep now, but you know they may wake up in a few hours. You let a small light in their room and went back to the kitchen with Gibbs on your toes. You tried to wipe the vomit stain away from your shirt but it was obviously ruined. Gibbs took the towel from your hands, wet it and replaced what you were doing. The stain is right above your left breast, his body was so close to yours, just like its been so many times. His smell was intoxicating like always.

”Thanks for the help,” you whispered.

”What kind of godfather would I be if I didn’t show up?” He said. And your heart skipped a beat. Tim and Delilah has been telling you they haven’t agreed on who to choose as the godfather yet. But obviously they did? Since when?

”You are— I didn’t know you were their godfather,” you confessed.

”They asked me the same day as you but I wasn’t sure I wanted to have this responsibility,” Gibbs said, still wiping your shirt.

”Why?”

He hummed but didn’t say anything. He is not a big talker, everybody knows that but he also knows sometimes he doesn’t have to talk with you. You just understand. You know things. And that’s something Gibbs really loves about you, between many other things. Of course, he loves you. He has for many years now. Which is exactly why he never tried anything. He avoids love since Shannon died. Sometimes, he wished you’d leave NCIS, before realizing he absolutely can’t live without you. Whenever you mentioned a date or a boyfriend, it felt like someone shoot him right in his heart. Selfishly, he is glad you haven’t date anyone in almost two years now. It feels like you’re all his, even if there’s no romantic relationships between you, or at least, not clearly.

”So— we are godparents of the twins,” you smiled.

”That, we are,” he answered, smirking.

”Is that all we are?” You whispered without restraining yourself. In the same second, you wish he didn’t hear it.

”What?”

”Nothing. Have you eaten?” You asked, taking a few steps away from him.

”Not yet. You?”

”I’ve been babysitting for the last three hours, so no, I didn’t even have time to pee,”

”Very romantic,” he smiled.

”It’s not a date, I don’t have to be romantic. Plus, I’m a total mess right now. But— I’m going to show how my cooking skills improved,” you searched into Tim and Delilah’s kitchen the ingredients you need to make a nice dish.

”You’re never a mess, even full of mud,” he laughed, recalling the memory of you falling into the mud during an investigation years ago.

”Oh my god, don’t remind me that day please.” You started to cut onions. You could feel Gibbs’ gaze on you but you tried to avoid it. He intensely watched you perfectly cutting the onions.

”Y/N?” He asked.

”Yeah?”

”Did you learn how to cook?” You felt your cheeks turning into shades of pink but you didn’t say anything, just smile.

Gibbs quickly offered his help and you cook together, or at least you gave him orders. Once it was done, you settled on the couch, set the coffee table and used Tim’s Netflix account. Months ago, you spent the night at Gibbs’ and you made him watch La Casa de Papel. Actually he pretended to like it, but what he enjoys is to cuddle with you under blankets and watching you enjoying the show.

That night feels like you and Gibbs are parents who enjoys a peaceful and calm night. After eating what you cooked, you got closer to him, and he put his arm around to let you rest on his chest. This is where you belong. You know it deep inside you. You belong with him. Why can’t he see it?

Around 1am, Tim and Delilah came back home to find you and your boss sleeping on the couch, your head on Gibbs’ chest and his arms holding you close, with Netflix still on. They smile at each other and Delilah went to check on the twins while Tim woke you up. ”What time is it?” You mumbled and when Gibbs spotted his male agent, he immediately sat up.

”1am. Everything went well?”

”Yeah, I save your place,” Your boss said and you hit his arm.

”Now, I have to clean the entire apartment tomorrow,” Tim said. You looked at him, confused. The apartment was not a terrible mess. ”I lost the bet. Delilah was sure you’d call Gibbs for help,” She came back at the same moment.

”Thank you for your trust, Mrs McGee.” You said, falsely offended and she laughed.

”I know what it’s like to take care of two babies, you have no idea how many times I want to call Tim for help,”

”Tim can take some time off, you know,” Gibbs said to Delilah, before turning his attention to you. ”Ride home?”

You nodded, went to kiss the twins and left with Gibbs.

”Do you mind sleeping at my house?” He asked. You live further than him, and you could see on his face he just wants to go back to sleep.

”Fine by me,” you agreed.

His house is practically yours, to be honest. There are some of your clothes somewhere and you just do whatever you want to do, when you want to do it. Which explains why you directly went to his bedroom to grab one of his shirts and you found a legging that belongs to you. Downstairs, Jethro was almost sleeping on his couch, you considered go upstairs to sleep in his bed but his voice stopped you before you left the room.

”Where you going?”

”In your bed— if that’s okay?”

”Come next to me, instead,” he opened his arms.

The small size of the couch forced the two of you to be really close, not that you mind. Apparently, he doesn’t either. He kissed the top of your head, one of his hand was stroking your hair while the other was on your back. Your face was buried in his neck. ”Jethro?” You whispered, and he hummed in answer.

”What are we?”

He took a moment to answer. ”Coworkers? Friends? Best friends?” You could feel tears forming in your eyes and you sat up, turning your back to him.

”Is that it?” You asked with a small voice but he didn’t answer. ”I want more, J. I need more,” you confessed. You don’t really know why it’s coming out right now, tonight but it does and you can’t stop yourself. ”I love you. A lot. And not like a friend— Tonight with the twins, that’s what I want. But with kids of our own. I mean— you’re the only reason I’m still single. Cause no matter who I’m with, you’re all I can think about. You’re the only one I want, Leroy.” Tears were now streaming down your face and you couldn’t turn around to look at him. He hasn’t move. He hasn’t spoke. ”If you don’t feel the same way, that’s totally okay. But you have to tell me. It’s been ten years and I can’t keep going like this. I need something concrete, something real, you know?” Still nothing coming from him. Not a move, not a word. You stayed a moment like this, waiting for him to do something, anything. But he didn’t. So you stood up, take a look at him but he avoided your gaze. You sighed and grabbed your things. You stopped for a moment before leaving, giving him another chance to speak but he stayed silent, so you left.

The next week seemed to be too long and awkward. You and Gibbs barely talked, a part of what needed to be say to do the work. A few people asked you what was going on but you just raised your shoulders and stayed silent. Nobody needed to know what a ridiculous declaration you gave to Jethro. It could be like nothing happened, like you haven’t say anything, but he changed. He’s avoiding you. No smile, no looks, no time alone. Nothing. And everyday you feel worst than the day before.

A new case came in and you had to work with the New Orleans team. Thanks god, you thought. It will change the mood from the past few days and you could used the distraction from Dwayne and Tammy. You already met them, you even spent around two weeks in there town. They are completely different from your squad. Work hard and having a lot of fun. One night there, you got drunk at Dwayne’s bar and almost hook up with him if he hadn’t stop you.

“You’re drunk, I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret this,” he told you back then. The next morning, you regretted to have ridiculously kissed him. But a part of you regretted not to have sex with him too.

“Hello my darlin’” Dwayne greeted you. You literally jumped from your desk to hug him, he kissed your cheek and you did the same. You hugged Tammy too while Dwayne said hello to the rest of the team. Him and Gibbs are old friends, they started together in NCIS.

“What’s happening to the Marine haircut?” Dwayne joked. Gibbs hasn’t been to the hairdresser lately, and you found him even more attractive like this. But you can’t tell him, of course.

You all quickly had a brief update on the case, but it was getting late already so Gibbs called it off for the night. ”I guess you’re sleeping on my couch?” Your boss said to Dwayne. ”Gregorio, you staying at Y/N’s,” Tammy looked at you to be sure it was okay. Of course it is, but the fact that Gibbs didn’t ask bothered you.

”Boss, what if I’m not alone tonight?!” You lied. You secretly hoped it would make him jealous but nothing appeared on his face, he stayed neutral just like he always does.

”Aren’t you?” He simply answered.

”I guess now I’m not, for sure,”

”Good.”

Gibbs started to walk to the elevator, but Dwayne didn’t follow yet. ”I thought we could have dinner all together?” The New Orleans boss said. Gibbs turned around, apparently not interested in that offer.

”I’d love to,” you smiled to Dwayne. ”Tammy?”

”I’m in!” She answered.

Tim declined the invitation, Delilah and the twins were waiting for him. Ellie joined in, as well as Nick, Reeves and Abby. Usually, the squad never met to have dinner or just a drink like this. Gibbs reluctantly accepted after Dwayne made him to.

Gibbs kept ignoring you, so you started to drink. A lot. You hoped it would make you stop looking at him, searching for anything on his face, in his moves. Eventually, it made you flirty with Dwayne just like you were in New Orleans. There were laughs, looks and small gestures. You quickly were on your fourth mojito, you felt dizzy but at least, you didn’t care about Gibbs sitting right in front of you. All your attention was on Dwayne and all of his was on you. ”Wanna dance?” D whispered in your ear. You smiled, grabbed his hand and walked to the dancefloor. It was a sexy dance, Dwayne’s body was against yours, his hands traveled your back and waist, while yours touched his torso and neck. One moment, one of his hand was almost on your butt, but he stopped himself before going further. You laughed, ”I don’t mind you touching my ass. I can’t remember the last time someone did it,”

”I’d love to, especially without the fabric between our skins— but I can feel a lot of eyes on us,” he said in your ear.

”How about you stay at my place tonight and Tammy goes at Gibbs’” you offered, flirtatious.

”Hmm— I’m not sure Gregorio would like that,”

”Then, you two at my place, but we’ll have to be quiet,” you smirked, your mouth was almost touching his.

”Y/N, you’re drunk,” he said. ”Would you still want to have sex with me without any alcohol?”

”I could prove it to you, tomorrow morning,”

Dwayne snorted, still swaying with you but the music was now a slow dancing. You stayed in his arms for a moment before he took a step away, ”Wait, my driver’s taking off,”

You turned around to see Gibbs leaving the bar. Dwayne chased him and you don’t know why but you followed them. They were already talking when you reached for them, you were standing behind Gibbs who hasn’t seen you unlike Dwayne.

“She’ll drive you,” you heard Gibbs say, bitterly.

“Is there a problem, Jethro? Don’t like what you saw?”

“What? You almost fucking her on the dance floor? I loved it,” he answered sarcastically.

“It’s my fault you don’t have the guts to tell her how you feel? She’s so into you. Why do you think she drunk that much and flirt with me? Because you’re a stupid stubborn pain in the ass,” Gibbs stayed silent. “Fight your fears or let her go,”

By the time they ended their little fight, you were ugly crying behind Gibbs. You’re pretty sure he knew you were there from the beginning. Maybe he used Dwayne so you could hear some explanations? Of course he is afraid. He was so in love once and she got killed, with their little girl. He can’t take that risk again. He is too afraid.

“He’s right, J.” You spoke up. “If you don’t want to be with me, let me go. And I mean— fire me.” He turned around to face you. You were about to take back what you just said but you didn’t. It may be now or never.

“Fine,” he breathed out. “Clear your desk first thing in the morning,” he said before leaving you — and Dwayne — on the sidewalk.

#ncis #ncis imagine #ncis fandom #ncis x reader #jethro gibbs #timothy mcgee #leroy jethro gibbs #gibbs #gibbs x reader #jethro gibbs x reader #dwayne pride imagine #dwayne pride x reader #ncis nola #tammy gregorio #ncis reader insert #ncis fic

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theartofmusicology · 4 years

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Not gonna lie, waking up at 6 am everyday is hard. Especially in quarantine, on holidays and especially for the first week its very hard. The first day was okay because we had made the promise to ourselves that we were going to get up. It felt very spontaneous as we hadn't done any planning at all so we did spend some time sitting around saying "what are we going to do next?" but what we did do was really good. Due to it being our first day, we did a lot of admin; I set up a money tracking page for both of us, made a shopping list, created a weekly planner spread sheet and wrote out a big huge to do list of things I had to do and learn in this strange quarantine holiday break period thing.

Overall, the first day left us feeling really motivated to continue. We struggled to get to bed at 9 like we said we were going to because we got so stuck into the work that we were doing. We had decided to treat ourselves to Mexican food for dinner and Uber eats messed it up so that took a while to sort out and then we sat down with a friend to watch Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary performance because it is a favourite in our house. We ended up going to bed late but sometimes thats the reality of life.

Tuesday was a tough day to get out of bed. Apparently you can turn off your alarm and fall asleep again without remembering. I know because I did it and then I only actually woke up when Sophie texted me. After that, it was a really productive day and I got everything on my to do list done (including over an hour of singing practice which was really good to get done). Tuesday we managed to get to bed fairly on time as well. Its amazing how just shifting your life hours forwards can make you so productive and fulfilled. Not going to lie we were also exhausted at the same time.

Wednesday, I found, was really easy to get out of bed. Our walk was really lovely and we managed to catch the sunrise which I think gave us a little bit more motivation to keep going. There's nothing quite like the sunrises and sunsets here in Perth. I got almost everything that I wanted to done. I also managed to film my duet which meant I could concentrate on other things. Wednesday taught us that we can't schedule everything. As we were leaving uni we ran into our friends and had a really good chat (1.5m away of course). It absolutely wasn't planned and yes, it cut into our time doing other things and yes, we ate dinner later than planned but in a time like this, its so important to keep in contact with your loved ones and people who bring so much joy into your life.

Thursday was the same as every other day. We went for our walk, came home, ate brekky and we were productive. I was able to go and do some dance as well which was really fun and therapeutic. I found I was working harder and I had more energy then I did while we were sort of just doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, not stetting alarms and things like that.

Friday was a tough day to say the least. Getting out of bed was fine and we got our coffee on our morning walk but as the day went on it got harder. I got some work done in the morning and a close friend dropped some (very yummy) bagels off on their morning bike ride, which was very thoughtful of them to check in on us in such a time. I had a very hard singing lesson in which I felt kind of useless because I had no idea what was going on the entire time because I am a music theatre student and we have been working through the Vaccai vocalises and the recitative vocalise at the end of the book is very challenging, even for the classical students. So that kind of put a stump on my day. While I spent a few hours kind of moping around, I also got some things done. I tried to do some school work but my brain wasn't in the right mode to do any academia so I decided to do some more domestic tasks instead. I did things that I'd normally do on a Friday such as my washing and cleaning, I also made a little collage of 'rainy day reminders' on our fridge because I don't want anyone else in my house feeling like they aren't good enough or they don't know whats going on. It was a kind of therapy for me to write out little positive things for others because it also was a sort of self reminder that positivity is a choice and its what you make of the 'bad' things that matters.

Saturday was an unplanned day. What we had planned, only sort of got done and then a whole lot of other things happened during the day. We started off with a stretch to try out my fitness assignment program. We then made some brekky and started work on our blog. I was falling asleep working on some posts so I got up and went into my room. While I was in there, I found some things that I needed that I was wanting to get our of my suitcases and I put some washing away. After this, I was more awake and able to concentrate on the work that I was doing. I smashed out a couple of blog posts before we went to get ingredients to make scones and do our meal planning. After we made our scones, a friend came upstairs to us and watched a movie and then a few more people came up for drinks. We went to bed really late, like 1am late. It was a real challenge to stay up until 1 but it was a good night with our friends. I think this just goes to show how much our social lives impact our sleeping patterns. It reminds us that things come up and sometimes you do just stay up and have a bottle of wine until 1 and talk about life and that's okay!

Sunday was a late start. We woke up at 7am and stayed in bed for another 20ish minutes. I got up first and started cleaning up and making our pre-planned pancakes. After a wholesome brekky, we went shopping and did our groceries for the week. When we got home, we emptied out our cupboards and rearranged them so now they are all completely organised. We had some lunch and then I went to uni where I was at uni for about 4 hours and then came home and ate dinner and did some weekly admin. I crashed really easily because I was SO tired from staying up late the night before but as long as you catch up on the sleep, its fine. Sunday was a fairly slow day but I love that we were able to be so domestic.

Overall, this week has taught me a lot about who I am as a person and who I have the potential to be. Getting up at 6am has been a good way to kickstart my productivity. I used to think that I would never become a morning person and don't get me wrong, getting out of my cozy bed to go for a walk when its freezing cold is really hard - but the fact that i have someone to do it with is really motivating and makes it so much more enjoyable. Obviously I know that when uni goes back I will have to adjust this routine because of my schedule but I don't mind so much because I will still be established in this routine. I have loved being able to learn new skills (Sophie is teaching me how to cook because I never learned) and having more time during my day to get stuff done. Ultimately, I think its changed my life for the better and I can be more productive now, which is something that year 12 really took out of me.

~ Carolyn xo

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bourbonboredom · 5 years

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A Reason To Believe Chapter 5

Being an undercover officer is a perilous job and Flip Zimmerman knows this far too well. He keeps his romantic life limited to one-night stands, never letting anyone get too close. That all starts to change when he meets a vivacious Jewish woman named Elle just as he’s about to take on a seriously dangerous undercover job; infiltrating the KKK. Elle and his undercover work make him question things he’d never thought to before and challenge him to see the world, and himself, in a whole new light.

A Flip x OC Fic

Word Count: 5,897

Warnings: N$FW (smut), very brief mention of medical gore

Well you're dirty and sweet Clad in black, don't look back and I love you You're dirty and sweet, oh yeah Well you dance when you walk So let's dance, take a chance, understand me You're dirty sweet and you're my girl

(x)

As soon as the chief called him into his office and informed him he'd be going undercover with the Rookie, as the Rookie, in order to infiltrate the KKK, he knew he wouldn't be able to talk about this with Elle. Letting small day-to-day cases slip was one thing, but telling your Jewish girlfriend that you're hanging out with a bunch of white supremacists at a bar after hours? He didn't want to even think of her reaction.

He also wasn't going to mention that he already calls her his girlfriend in his mind. It had only been, what, a month? Way longer than any of the other relationships he'd had in the last few years, but he knew this was different. Elle was different.

But he couldn't think about that right now.

His focus was on the case. And how stupid this Rookie was for using his real name and his real voice while talking to the chapter leader. Flip tried to chalk it up to him being new, but this was just next level stupid. And now he was being dragged into this next level stupid plan.

So now here he was, wire taped to his chest, driving to meet a bunch of white supremacists in a parking lot on the far side of town. It was just another job. He just had to gather some intel and get out of there.

Or at least that's how it should feel.

He tried to think logically about it, but when his partner reminded him to take his necklace off before heading out, he took pause. While Jimmy and the Rookie stayed in the equipment room, Flip headed over to his desk. He unclasped the chain from his neck and held the delicate silver star up to the light.

He rarely took this necklace off. It was a gift from his grandfather, his mother's father, after he passed. It had been his grandfather's fathers from when they came over from Russia. His mother wasn't very pleased when he decided to wear it around his neck. But the cold silver resting against his skin became a comfort. He wore it along with his dog tags when he was in Vietnam, and under his uniform when he graduated from the police academy. He's had many women gingerly touch it while engaged in pillow talk, asking him questions he couldn't always answer.

And now here he was, taking it off for the first time in years, because he was infiltrating an organization that would kill him for wearing it. He rubbed the small pendant between his rough fingers, for luck maybe? He wasn't sure, it just felt right. He lowered it into his desk drawer, closing it away until this case was over.

He vaguely heard Jimmy call him from across the room and he snapped out of his thoughts. He was motioning for him to get a move on, it was time to go. Now wasn't the time to be sentimental, he had a job to do.

-----

Flip got back to the office much later than he thought he would. The clock on the wall of his office read 1AM when he stumbled in. He'd removed the wire from his shirt and helped Jimmy put the recorder back in the equipment room and then everyone said goodnight. He didn't want to talk about the night yet, and his partners looked too tired to process everything with him. So he waved them off and told them to get some sleep.

They said their good nights and he sat down at his desk to root around for a piece of paper. He wanted to write down some key things from the evening, before the couple of beers he had would make his memory fuzzy. He scrawled some quick thoughts down before sticking the paper in his drawer for safe-keeping. When he opened the drawer, his necklace glinted under the fluorescent lighting.

Instinct told him to put it back on, his brain told him to keep it off. This case might last a while. He could forget to take it off one day and could land him in a world of trouble. He thought about Elle, how her Star of David peered out from under the collar of her uniform, proudly on display despite anything she might face.

What time did she get off tonight? It was Friday, right? So she would have had the late shift. He looked at the clock. It read 1:30AM. She would have only gotten off shift a couple of hours ago, she might still be up. Without much thought he reached for the phone on his desk, entering her phone number on the rotary dial with a practiced ease.

He probably shouldn't remember her number this easily, or her work schedule, he thought to himself as the line rang. It picked up after two short rings, the line clicking to life.

"Hello?" Her voice reached his ears, making him breathe a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding.

"Hey Trouble," He smiled to himself. "Did I wake you up?"

"Flip? It's 1:30 in the morning, it everything okay?" Her voice shifted, seeing worried.

"No, everything's fine. Sorry for calling so late. I had to stay late to finish a case tonight and, well, I know you work late on Fridays so I figured you might still be up. Do you want to go get food?"

"Food? At this hour? Is anything even open?"

"There's a diner that's open all night. Is that a yes?" He asked. He didn't want to sound too desperate but he really wanted to see her after tonight.

"I'll be ready in ten minutes, meet you out front?" He could already hear her shuffle around her apartment to get ready.

"See you then Trouble," He hung up the phone, grateful she picked up in the first place.

-----

Elle was waiting on the stoop of her apartment building when Flip's car pulled over to the sidewalk. She smiled as she saw him get out of the car and come over to the passenger side door to his car.

She was dressed casually, a pair of high waisted jeans and a t-shirt, with a corduroy coat to keep her warm. On her feet were a well-worn pair of tennis shoes. It was a far cry from her prim and proper uniform but she still looked great.

"Now what's a pretty girl like yourself doing out at this hour?" He asked as she approached him.

"A handsome but very nocturnal man asked me on a last minute date," She pressed her chest to his and stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss.

"Must be a pretty great guy to be up for him," He smiled as he opened the car door for her.

"Eh, he's alright," She winked as she slid into the seat.

They drove to the diner, which was a few blocks to the west. It was an old chrome building, reminiscent of the 50s, with a long front counter and pleather booths lining the window. They slid in to a booth and a waitress came over with a pot of coffee.

They both decided to order breakfast food. Pancakes with syrup for her and bacon and eggs for him.

"If that's okay with you," He said hurriedly once he realized he'd ordered pork.

"It's fine, don't worry," She waved a hand at him. "I don't care what anyone else eats. Besides, my family is reform. We aren't as strict about keeping kosher. My grandparents supposedly made some great pork schnitzel,"

"Alright then," He chuckled.

Their food came quickly and they wasted no time tucking in. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he smelled the bacon on the plate the waitress held.

"So how was your day?" She asked between bites of pancake

He chewed some eggs while he thought about how he was going to respond. A part of him wanted to tell her. He wanted to share his life with her, and have her share in return. He wanted to spend meals with them talking about their days.

On the other hand, he knew when he signed on for this job that discretion was mandatory. And he couldn't risk his life or his coworkers for just a girl. Though he knew she wasn't just some girl.

"Long," He finally settled on "I was still at the office when I called you, had to finish up some paperwork,"

"That's rough, did you finish it?" She asked.

"For now, its kind of an ongoing thing," He tried to keep things as vague as possible. "How about you?"

"Today was calmer than usual, just some broken bones and stomach pains. I stayed a little later to cover a girls shift, she had to run home to check on her own kid,"

"I like how broken bones is at the light end of your job's work spectrum," He smiled at her, she smiled back.

"It was a clean break on his radial,nothing was sticking out and the bone hadn't splintered. The guy fell off a ladder getting the leaves out of his gutter. He'll be fine," She explained.

"What's the grossest thing you've seen in the ER?" He asked, adding another forkful of bacon to his mouth.

"Flip, we’re eating," She cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm a detective, I see gross things all the time," He brushed her off. It couldn't have been anything he hadn't heard of before.

"One time a guy came in with legs burned so bad you could see parts of his bones sticking out. His skin, where there still was some, was completely cooked and a lot came peeling off with his clothes. He'd tried to sneak a cig while hooked up to his new oxygen tank and it exploded," she deadpanned, staring him dead in the eyes. "Most of the nurses had to leave the room to keep from throwing up. Burnt flesh doesn't smell too good,"

Flip stopped chewing. Elle cut another section of pancake and continued her meal.

"Alright, you win," He grimaced, pushing his plate away while thinking of how his bacon isn't too far off from her story.

"Can I eat your eggs?" She asked, clearly pleased with herself.

"Knock yourself out," He mumbled. "Maybe we should be hiring you to the force, you got a stomach of steel in you,"

"I'm good with nursing, but thanks," She scraped the remaining eggs on to her plate.

He watched her finish up her pancakes while he drank his coffee. She didn't notice at first, comfortable with the silence between them. When she finally looked up and noticed him staring, she smiled. He smiled back. Her smile fell a bit as she looked at him a little longer.

"You aren't wearing your necklace," She stated, pointing to his chest with her fork.

"Oh, yeah, I took it off earlier. Must've forgotten to put it back on," He looked down, met with the bare skin on his clavicle that normally held the tiny silver star.

"It looks strange to not see it on you," She admitted, finishing her pancakes and pushing the plate next to Flip's.

"I'll put it back on soon," He assured her. He didn't know when "soon" was, but he wanted it back on too.

He tried to toss some bills on the table after the waitress put the check down. Elle immediately covered his hand with hers.

"I can pay for my own," She stated.

"I was the one who dragged you out at 2 in the morning, let me get this one," He said, turning his hand up so he could hold hers.

"Alright," Her eyes flirting between his gaze on her and his hand holding hers. "But I'm paying the next time we do this,"

"Deal," He agreed, giving her hand a squeeze before pulling away.

They drove back to her apartment building, windows down to let in some of the fresh air. It wasn't too cold out yet, and Flip was eager to get in the last bit of warm weather. As he pulled up to the sidewalk outside her building she turned to him.

"I have a some beer in the fridge, do you want a nightcap?" She asked.

Despite turning her down several times, he was appreciative that she'd still ask. Today was stressful, and he was damn near exhausted. He'd have to report to chief first thing in the morning to talk about the assignment and he knew he should head home.

But home felt less and less like home recently. It was a lonely apartment, barely room for two people. There didn't seem to be room in his life for another person. But when he looked into her big brown eyes, he wanted to make room, just for her.

"Sounds good," he said, turning the engine off and following her up to her apartment. He mentally checked to make sure nothing conspicuous was hanging out of his car in case anyone walked by, on the very off chance.

The walk up to her floor was quiet, with him trying not to stare at her ass too much as he followed her up the stairs. Her jeans clung to her figure, moving with her as she swayed her hips. He willed himself to think of literally anything else.

She opened the door to her apartment, letting them both in, before closing and locking it.

———

“So you’re telling me that you can’t handle one story about bones poking out but they made you a detective?” Elle smirked.

It was only a few moment later that they found themselves sitting at her kitchen table. They both held their own Coors in one hand, their other hands just barely touching one another from across the table. It wasn’t long before the conversation had turned back to gross job stories.

“I’m not a homicide detective, its narcotics. We deal with drugs more than death,” He countered.

“That explains why that guy you were harassing at my job was such a pain. I had to stop the girls from using one kind of pain medication because it was messing with his blood pressure. He must’ve had something in his system still,”

“You’re such a good nurse, treating suspected mafia affiliates even when they’re handcuffed to the bed,” He teased, his large fingers moving to cover her hand.

“It made it harder for him to try and grab my ass,” She laughed, turning her palm upward so she could trace her fingers along his hand.

“Kinda sad I couldn’t see you in your uniform today, it’s a good look on you,”

“Well, find a new criminal to arrest and maybe you’ll see me at work again,” She leaned a little closer to him, her voice dropping to a sensual tone.

“Do you think I could get away with a grab Nurse Blum?” He matched her motions.

“I think I’d let you get away with it, as long as I get something out of it too,”

“What do you want?” His voice was low, both of them barely breathing as he waited for her answer.

She leaned over the corner of the table separating them, bracing herself in the wood as her lips met his. She tasted of Coors, and he was sure he did too.

His hand fully covered hers as he kissed back. He wanted this. He wanted her. He knew his job was demanding and that his timing was shit for deciding this after starting an undercover operation. But Elle was different, he could feel it. She was good for him, and he wanted to be good for her in return.

His hand left hers and reached out to stroke her waist, encouraging her to come closer. She got the message and moved from her chair to his lap while continuing the kiss. His tongue brushed along her bottom lip, begging for entrance that she soon granted.

They must've looked like a couple of teenagers, making out at the kitchen table when the adults weren't supervising. She angled herself so she was straddling his lap, the seams of their jeans touching. He could feel himself start to strain against the denim, he was sure she'd feel it too. He held her to his frame, one hand on the small of her back, one hand in the back pocket of her Levi's.

She broke the kiss, lips flush from contact and eyes hooded with lust.

"Stay the night?" She asked.

They'd been dancing around this for weeks. She'd asked him before, and he declined because of work. But work be damned, he wanted her. He was sure of this, he wanted to give into his feelings for once and let himself have more than a one night fling. And Eliana Blum was more than a one night fling.

"Please," his voice was low and too needy for his liking but she didn't mind.

She smiled at him, rubbing her nose against his before giving him a quick kiss. She got up from his lap, taking the hand that rested in her jean pocket and lightly tugging him out of his seat. He followed her across the small apartment into her open bedroom.

She pulled him into a heated kiss as they stood in the dim light, the back his legs knocking against the bed frame. She let him sit down on the edge before standing between his legs. She ran a hand through his hair and looked down at him. Her curls were falling in her face but didn’t obscure her eyes as she looked at him with adoration.

She moved his hand to the fly of her jeans, giving him silent permission to undress her. He obliged, his large fingers unbuttoning the denim encasing her hips.

He slid the fabric of her tucked in t-shirt up her stomach. Slowly, as if unwrapping a present. When he reached just under her breasts he stopped, not wanting to go further without her permission.

She lifted his hands higher, letting him come into contact with the lace covering her plush chest. Her shirt left her body, allowing her to stand in front of him in just her jeans and the lace bra that did nothing to conceal her pink nipples. He groaned at the sight, pressing forward to bury his face in the valley between her breasts.

Her skin was soft and warm around him, he could feel her heart fluttering in her chest. He was careful not to scratch her perfect skin with his facial hair as he turned his head, eager to watch as he brushed a finger over a pert nipple. Her back arched ever so slightly as she let out a shaky breath.

Her hands once again guided his own down to her unbuttoned jeans. He tugged the denim down her figure, revealing a pair of smalls that were made of the same lace as her bra. He chuckled to himself as she stepped out of her jeans. He ran his hands up her thighs as he spoke.

"Do you always wear stuff like this?"

"I might have been hoping you'd stick around tonight," She smiled. "I dressed accordingly,"

She braced her hands on his chest and straddled his lap, bringing herself down to his level.

"I'm glad I chose to stay then," He murmured before pulling her into a kiss.

They kissed passionately, her arms looping around his neck to bring him closer. He clutched her waist, holding her firmly against his growing erection. She rolled her hips against him, making him stifle a moan against her lips.

"I think I'm a little overdressed," He whispered in her ear.

She kissed him again, moving her delicate fingers to unbutton his flannel. Her hands worked to slide the fabric from his shoulders. They broke apart long enough for his undershirt to be pulled over his head, the two of the quickly meeting again as she began to un-do his jeans. He stopped her just as she began to tug down the heavy denim.

"Lie down sweetheart, lemme take care of you," He lifted her from his lap, placing her in the center of the bed.

He stood up and let his pants slide off, kicking them into the pile of clothes growing on her floor. As soon as he was freed he covered her bare frame with his own, propping his weight on his elbows at either side of her head. She palmed at him through the cotton of his boxers, making him let out a low moan.

He kissed down her neck to her chest, teasing her through the lace. She arched her back enough for him to unclasp the bra and he slowly pulled away the fabric, leaving her bare in front of him. He brought his calloused palm across her soft skin, stopping to roll a nipple between his fingers.

Her eyes shut and she let out a moan so pretty it made him twitch. He had to make her do that again. He traveled further down her figure, stopping at the apex of her thighs.

The lace of her smalls, much like her bra, did little to conceal her. He ran a tentative stroke down from the waist and over to her core, ghosting over her clit. She let out a whine, biting her lip to keep quiet.

"Let me hear you sweetheart," He murmured, pulling at the elastic at her hips.

"Flip I have neighbors," She warned "We can't be too loud,”

"What are they gonna do? Call the cops?" He smirked, sliding the fabric down her legs to fully expose her to his gaze.

"You're pushing your luck Zimmerman-" Her scolding was cut off with a yelp as he buried his face between her thighs without warning.

He took a deep breath, letting the scent of her dark curls surround him as he moved her legs further apart. He curled his arms around her thighs, keeping her still as he went to work.

He flattened his tongue and ran it along her slit, groaning as he finally got to taste her. He’d barely begun before he felt his chin start to grow wet. It only encouraged him to work harder, to collect every drop of her she gave him. A hand reached down to run through his hair as his mouth moved against her. Flip looked up to watch her, to see how she was reacting to his ministrations. The sounds she was making were delicious but the sight of her splayed out on her sheets, hair fanned out around her, eyes closed and mouth open to a perfect “o”, he could've died happy right then.

He unhooked an arm from around her thigh, bringing it to her entrance and brushing against it lightly. Her hips bucked up involuntarily and he slowly slid a thick finger inside, relishing the way she moaned in response. His mouth moved to focus on her clit as he pumped in and out of her, adding another finger when she was begging for more. He held her hips down with his other arm as she began to rock her hips against his face.

She was calling his name, the hand in his hair tightening its grip as she grew closer and closer to climax. It wasn't long before his own hip started rocking, rutting against the mattress in an attempt to relieve the pressure building below.

“Fuuuuck,” She groaned as she threw her head back onto the pillow. “You feel so good, I don’t think I--,”

“You don’t have to baby, let go for me, I wanna hear you,” He wanted to see her come undone under him. He wanted to taste her, please her, take care of her.

The pace of his fingers sped up, making sure to brush up against her walls in a way he’d learned through experience drove girls crazy. Sure enough, she squirmed under him and rolled her hips toward him. His tongue eagerly pressed against her clit, spelling out incoherent phrases as she squealed above him.

He could feel her tighten around him, like a coiled spring ready to release. Her whole body was tensing under him, he looked back up to her face, watching her eyes squeeze shut and her free hand grasp at the sheets as she tried to ground herself. With a few more stroked of his fingers and expertly drawn letters with his tongue, she was trying to choke out words meant for him.

“Flip, I’m— I’m—” was as far as Elle got before she interrupted herself with a desperate moan.

With his fingers curled against her g-spot and his mouth sucking against her clit, she came. The fingers intwined in his hair were shaky as she loosened her grip, the aftershocks of her orgasm still flowing through her. He coaxed her down from her high, gently moving against her until her body began to squirm from overstimulation. He wiped his face on his arm, licking off any cum she managed to get on his mustache before crawling back up her body to meet her face again.

“How was that?” He asked, pressing kisses against her flushed skin.

Her eyes fluttered open and she untangled her hand from his hair, using it to guide his lips to hers. She kissed him, no doubt tasting herself; a thought that caused him to let out a muffled moan.

“If you keep giving me orgasms like that, I might have to keep you around,” She murmured.

He felt pride swell in his chest and he pulled her into another kiss. His rock-hard erection was pressing into her thigh and she shifted slightly in order to give him some much-needed friction. He rutted against her before he could stop himself and she laughed against his lips.

“I think it might be my time to take care of you,”

Elle reached down and stroked him through the fabric of his boxers. A small wet patch was collecting on the fabric as she pulled them down past his hips and his long limbs. He inhaled sharply as the cool air hit his hot member. He was so hard he was throbbing, the head turning purple from neglect. He shifted his hips, looking for any relief he could get.

“I’m on the pill,” She said suddenly. She looked up at him, big brown eyes breaking through the lust to address something serious. “I have some condoms too, if you want,”

He’d heard of “the pill”. Birth control had only been made available for unmarried women last year. Before it had been only for married couples, and only if the husband allowed it. Some of the men in the office weren’t very trusting of it, saying it made women more promiscuous. He’d been the victim of a pregnancy scare before, so he wasn't against the use of contraceptives. He’d wear condoms with his one night stands, despite them feeling a little too snug against him sometimes. He wanted to be tied down for the right reasons with the right woman, not because of a preventable accident.

Though the way Elle was currently looking at him made him sure he didn’t want a condom. He wanted to feel every inch of her as best he could.

“Pill’s fine, I’m clean,” He growled pouncing back on top of her.

The two of them were frantic, desperate to explore every inch of one another. Their hands moved across each other’s bodies, groping and tweaking and kissing. He was above her, pressing her body into the mattress with his weight, his cock nudging at her entrance. She pushed him up, using her body weight to roll him on to his back while straddling his thighs.

“I want to be on top,” She bit her lip, awaiting his reaction.

His cock stood at attention, he was more than okay with this change in positions.

“Anything you want,” He murmured, running his hands along her waist to steady her.

She stroked him a few times before lining herself up with him. She held his cock in place, using the precum gathering at his slit to lubricate her movements. His breath hitched, giving in to her touch. His hands grasped at her hips, calloused thumbs brushing over her smooth skin. She lowered herself so the tip of his cock was just at her entrance.

“Are you ready for me sweetheart?” He asked.

She nodded, pushing down slowly, letting him penetrate her. He was on the larger side, and he knew it. He was used to girls eyes widening upon seeing it, or having to take a minute to adjust to his size. Elle moved slowly, rocking her hips to find an angle that would let him in deeper. She went too fast at one point, whimpering as her hands flew to his chest to steady herself.

“Take your time, I dont want to hurt you,” He coaxed, using a thumb to press small circles into her clit.

She gasped, eyes fluttering closed. She slowly impaled herself as he watched, her pussy stretching to fit every inch of him. When she finally sunk all the way down, she let out a moan.

“Fuck you're big,” Her voice was strained, straddling between pleasure and pain.

“You're taking me so well baby,” He stilled his hand as she got used to his size. After a moment she began to ride him, taking him slow at first.

She was warm and wet, her walls hugging him like velvet, fitting him like a glove. He tried not to rock his hips too much as she worked him, letting her take over. It was becoming harder as she began to go a little faster.

“Fuck, you’re perfect. I think you're pussy was made for me,” He moaned.

Her hands gripped his shoulders as her body moved over his, stopping right at the end of his shaft before sinking back down to the hilt. They moaned together, his hands pressing into her delicate skin as he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

He’d spent countless nights with women in their beds, and he could safely say no one he’d ever been with felt as good as Elle. Sex had just been sex up until tonight, a way to relieve stress and have a little fun. But this was different, he thought. The way she was riding him, her tight cunt squeezing him as the head of his cock nudged at her cervix, her breasts bouncing, nipples pink and pert. Every thrust pulled a moan from her parted lips, each sounding sweeter than the last.

“You’re gorgeous,” He groaned, moving his hands to palm at her breasts, tweaking pebbled flesh with calloused fingers.

Her hips jerked forward, and she lowered her body to be closer to him. She cupped a hand to his cheek and kissed him passionately. He took control of their movements, lifting his hips to meet hers, a hand snaking down to brush against her clit.

“Please don’t stop,” She moaned.

He could feel her tightening around him again. It’d felt great when it was just his fingers, but her cunt pulsing around his cock was enough for him to contemplate passing out from pleasure. She was getting close, and he was nearing climax himself. He wanted her to go over the edge first though, feel her around him.

“Don’t stop what? This?” He asked, his hand stilling against her clit.

She whined at the loss of contact.

“Flip, please!”

“Please what?” He thrust into her harder, the headboard of the bed knocking into the wall. She was barely holding on.

“Use your words sweetheart, I know you got that filthy little mouth, tell me what you want me to do to your pretty little cunt,” He cooed, loving the little whimper she gave when he called her sweetheart.

His hand rested at her clit, taking care to not brush over it as he thrusted. He nipped at her breast as it bounced her his face. He curled his tongue to flick over a nipple before drawing it into his mouth to suck. She cried out, desperation taking over dignity.

“Please Flip, let me come. I want to cum all over your big cock, it feels— fuck— you feel so good inside me,” She babbled as she bounced on him.

He drew a sharp breath, considering her pleads.

“You wanna cum all over my big cock? Huh?” He pressed tight circles against her clit, her body jerking at the touch. “Do it. Come for me,”

That was all it took for her to go over the edge. Elle’s body seized up before going slack, draping over his own frame. She called out his name, pussy squeezing around him rhythmically as he continued to thrust. He began to feel his hips move erratically.

“I’m close Elle,” He gritted out, giving her a fair warning.

“Cum inside me,” She panted before pulling him into another fierce kiss.

With just a few shallow thrusts, he plunged deep inside her as he came. Thick ropes of cum coated her walls as he grunted. His whole body shuddered, hands flying to pull her deeper into the kiss.

Once they’d both calmed down, he continued to lazily move his hips against hers, letting them both come down from their high. This was perfect. The way their bodies connected, the way she was kissing him like it was the end of the world, he wasn’t sure he’d ever get enough.

She finally broke the kiss, letting them both catch their breath before she spoke.

“How was that?”

“I’m about to call off work and spend the next week between your legs,” His voice was deep and filled with lust.

She laughed, smacking him lightly in the arm.

“How was it for you?” He asked.

“I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to move fast enough to deny you of that. My legs are jelly right now,” She touched her nose to his as she spoke.

He gently guided her off his cock, groaning at the sight of his cum trickling down her inner thigh. His member was soaked as well, a testament to how satiated they both were. Before he could help her lie next to him she crawled down his body, her head occupying the space her cunt possessed moments ago.

“Where are you doing?”

“Just cleaning up,” She ginned, placing her hands on either of his sturdy thighs before licking the head of his cock.

His breath hitched. He would become overstimulated very quickly but he couldn't bring himself to stop her. He watched this gorgeous woman trail her tongue up his shaft, cleaning him if their cum. Was is possible for him to orgasm twice?

Elle looked up at him with hooded eyes as she kitten-licked over his frenulum, coating her tongue with seed. He groaned much louder than intended, gently pulling her off him before positioning her on the bed.

“What are you doing?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look down as he kissed her inner thigh.

“Just cleaning up,” He smirked before licking a wide stripe up her wet cunt.

Yeah, he wasn’t going to be able to get enough of this.

--------

NOTES

There aren’t a ton for this chapter, but here is a brief history on birth control from a publication that first appeared in the 1970s. It was one of the first books of its kind, giving women access to information about their health and about sexuality.

Different Jews have different feelings about keeping kosher. I had friends in college who kept kosher all through undergrad and grad school, and I had friends who would only do it for Passover. I have friends where they don’t even like the smell of pork and I have friends who chow down on bacon when we go to a diner. They’re all Jewish. But all in all, don’t be a dick about people’s religious dietary restrictions.

Elle’s story about a patient could be a true story. Oxygen tanks and cigarettes are not friends

#flip zimmerman #flip x reader #flip zimmerman x reader #flip x oc #flip zimmerman x oc #clyde logan #ARTBmasterlist #masterlist

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chaos-and-cookies · 5 years

Text

I can't sleep so i guess i gotta get this off my chest or else I'm just going to continue to be seething in it.

So if u don't know by now atm im in Trinidad and so far, much like last time i was here when i was a chid, the experience has been shit for me because my family members seem to collectively hold 5 whole brain cells and need to take turns using them. I'll just do this by a night/day scale to tell how my personal experience has been.

Night 1) finally arrive after 15 fucking hours of traveling. Flight 1 from ny to miami was shit and on a plane that was not made with humans in mind and flight 2 kept having the fucking gates changed then had 2 delays, 1 delay being an hour and a half long WHILE WE WERE ON THE FUCKING PLANE. When we got there at 1am (we left our house in NY at 10:30am so this is 1am the next day) we were told no one had food/no one cooked, so we had airport KFC for what was basically our first meal of the entire fucking day and ngl it wasnt bad because it wasnt american so it wasn't covered in 10 gallons of grease and is actually halal?? Once my uncle drove us to his house everyone was getting ready to leave for Jouvert(?) Some kinda night festival the sunday night/monday morning before carnival that goes from 2am to like 10am but i said fuck that idec I'm exhausted im going to sleep. My mom basically said the same thing and we showered and attempted to sleep but the music the neighbors were blasting and upset animals were so loud we literally couldn't even try to sleep either. It wasn't til things finally calmed down around like fuckin 8/9am that i was able to sleep.

Day 1) after sleeping for only a few hours because my mom claimed there was things to do or we could go shopping or something i got up around 2/3 i think, and waited for my cousin Celine (the one closest to age as me) to come to my uncle's house to do something. My mom wanted me to eat and there wasnt much in the house and we both wanted trini food but my uncle kept claiming that its carnival Monday so everything is closed so heres day 2 of eating fast food, KFC again. Me, my cousin, and my uncle go grab kfc again and then a few hours later they say lets go out to see the bands/parades. They choose port of spain so we drive to the city to go. My uncles up front and 5 grown women clusterfucked in the back seats. I already feel like shit from exhaustion, but i have a bad back, bad hips, and bad shoulders, so this was extra shitty for me. The entire way there its terrible traffic and my uncle drives slow. And when we finally get there there's nothing going on, just ppl everywhere and garbage covering the streets (i never wanna hear ppl say NY is filthy ever again tbh) and since nothing was happening, after a whole 5min (not even exaggerating. 5min.) Of walking up and down a single block they go 'ok' and get back into the cramped ass truck and go back home. No "oh well let's see if there's something else", no "well we can still walk around and see the city a little bit", not even a fucking "well we might as well at least get some food while we're here", they literally just walk back to the car and say nothing's here and go back home on the slow traffic filled drive while we're cramped to high hell. I'm exhausted, my body hurts and that shit car ride made it worse, I'm starting to lose my mind a little bit because my aunts were fucking humming while we were cramped back there like everythings fuckin honkey dorey, as soon as we got back home i immediately changed and went to bed cuz i couldn't take any more b.s for that day. I could have spent it resting for carnival but no i had to spend my night in that fuckery. I don't think they understand that doing that to me is like if i took them to manhattan in a cramped car, after a parade passed, looked at the trash filled streets, walked up and down one single block for 5min and went "whelp we missed it nothing to see here" and drove them all back home while they sat in those cramped seats for another 40+min.

Night 2) my mom said everyone was going upstairs while i went to bed so i tried to sleep. Slightly successful until everyone got drunk and took their loud asses down stairs thus waking me up. My mom came into bed (we share a bed cuz other family is also staying at my uncle's house) and she did nothing but toss and turn all night, and even when i thought she finally stopped and i was about to doze off she would jolt awake and go "whats that noise" for some shit that was probably happening down the goddamn street. Another sleepless night! 2 in a row! Did not get any rest for carnival what a fuckin start to this vacation!!!

Day 2) we drive out to the city at around 11am to go see the parade. What we watched was something so strange and disappointing idek what tf it was or why ppl do it. We went to a stadium to watch an entire parade slowly....go thru a small stage and then leave. They didn't even have like special performances or anything it was literally what you'd expect from a parade, but not being able to go down and enjoy it up close like how you're supposed to. And no one explained this to me! I still don't know why we did it everyone just acted like "yup this is carnival aint this fun?" And i am STILL baffled. We were sitting on hard concrete stadium bleachers, shit headed people were still bumping into me and dropping shit on me, the bass was so fucking loud you couldn't even hear the music, all you heard was the thud of the bass and a guy screaming on the mic. I've been to EDC twice and got up close and personal with those stages and never have i experienced a sound system so shitty that 1) you cant even hear the music and 2) it makes you feel physically ill until now. My family kept trying to talk to me but i had no fucking idea what they were saying, it especially doesn't help that i was having hearing problems days before this trip. I was legitimately disappointed and annoyed at this whole experience, having to watch the parade from stadium seats with shitty sound, and we watched it for a good 3hrs. At certain points i tried to sit by myself to collect myself and not be near the shit heads conatantly bumping into me or spilling shit near me or dropping things on me but my family cant accept that and kept bringing me into the crowd with them. And then fucking again for the 3rd time on this damn trip, after we watched...whatever tf that was, we had american fast food to eat. Burger king and popeyes. Ffs.

Night 3) i was laying down with a heating pad cuz i wasnt feeling well (like always). My mom said they were going to Biche to see carnival there and i said they could go ahead I'm not feeling well, she leaves to talk to my family. My mom comes in again and says i should come cuz I'll see my cousins and grandpa, i think i give her a maybe as a response. She comes in a 3rd time with my american uncle and he says we're in trinidad, already came all this way, might as well go. At that point i was already putting medicine on my legs cuz i already agreed. We drive down to biche on this awful tiny rainforest road that I've hated since i was a child and my other uncle (the one who we're staying at) is either a dumbass or was purposely teasing me, asking if i wanna look or if he should stop. The road is shit and dangerous and just fucking sucks all around and it's the bumpiest fucking thing ever and bumpy roads/shit driving always makes my pain worse so I'm feeling shittier and shittier before we even get there. When we finally do it looks like how i always imagined carnival would but i didn't even rly get to enjoy it because again, i fucking feel like shit. And for some reason, trinidadians must not know how a sound system works because all they do is turn up the bass all the way and call it a fuckin day. I was getting one of those headaches where it just feels like pressure in ur face from how exhausted i am but i didn't complain. I never complained. I just stood there quietly and watched as everyone partied and enjoyed themselves. Eventually tho the bass became too much again, and with the pressure in my face it just started making my eyes water which became a domino effect with how i was already feeling and i just straight ended up crying and unable to rly talk. That's when everyone started asking whats wrong, i guess, again i couldn't fucking hear over the bass. Luckily it was towards the end of the ceremony and my mom and uncle took me home to get rest. But at this point I'm ofc being called selfish among other things by my mom and "i need to speak up". Speaking to her is literally a dammed if u do damned if u dont situation so i always choose don't and just let myself fall off into a corner until one of 2 things happens, i break down or ppl get selfish and think me simply being there with them isnt enough i need to actively act like im enjoying myself regardless if i am or not.

Day 3) i finally got some fucking rest. Finally got some sleep. Didn't need to go anywhere, all i went was to go get some chinese food for dinner with my cousin, aunt, and mom. (Yes there are chinese ppl in the Caribbean. Yes the have an accent. No it isnt weird.) I posted a few things from yesterday on my instagram/fb. One post being a couple of videos from the first festival where i was confused on what the everloving fuck it was and i put what was essentially a read more rant on it because no one ever clicks readmore on instagram videos. Well aparently some nosy shitheaded family member read it and made a huge drama about it amomgst my family, my mom calling my dad upset about it, and me getting shit when I'm honestly the last one who should be getting shit over how me and her have been treated this entire trip in all honesty. My dad kept saying i need to try and enjoy myself but thats hard to do when ur family is just so goddamn ignorant and literally wants nothing more to do than to start a bunch of bullshit drama rather than confronting someone who's simply upset about how they've been treated thus far during this trip. My mom on the other hand called me a "fucking liar" when i was explaining what i posted and she said "everyone was asking you what was wrong if u wanted water etc etc) and i said i couldn't even hear anything over the fucking bass. She said that i give a nasty look to people and they don't like it. Well fuckin sorry they don't like my resting face and i refuse to smile thru my literal pain!!! It's not my job to comfort people by smiling!!! Women shouldn't have to do that bs just because their resting face isn't inviting!!! Fuck that!!!! She ended up talking to her dad (my grandpa) at the same time as her and my dad were reprimanding me over my rant post and got even more upset cuz my grandpa is a shithead and aparently got so dramatic she started looking for flights back home but they were $3k. Uhhhh excuse me? This whole fucking trip was for you not for me. I never said i wanted to come back here after what i experienced as a kid. I came here because you wanted to see ur family/dad and also havent been here for carnival since before i was born so outta the kindness out of my heart i agreed to go with you but honestly fuck ever doing this again, i literally can't be nice to her without her calling ME selfish and shitting on my entire life for no fucking reason. Her 2 faced family starts bullshit because they're too no-balls to ask me about it face to face thats on THEM not ME. I took down the rant (and its down below if u actually got down this far in this whole rant and are just THAT curious) but i said what i said and i ain't folding on that shit at all. And they always do this to us. Whenever they come to us in NY we go all out in showing them everything but when we come to them? They can't fucking be bothered by showing us something nice and honestly they can go fuck themselves.

I know mercury is is retrograde rn. And for a while i didn't believe in its impacts. But seeing all the shit that's been happening this week i think it's safe to say i can blame at least some of this mess on the universe's alignment atm because honestly.....what the fuck man....

Also if you made it all this way, 1) wtf why what is wrong with u and 2) congrats. U get to read the rant i had on my instagram post if ur that curious:

Idk if words can describe how pissed/annoyed i was when i was told this was carnival when all it was was a shrunken down parade that slowly passed thru a stage inside a stadium and you had to watch from the bleachers. And the sound was so bad you couldn't hear anything past the deafening bass and people screaming on mic, I'm surprised you can actually hear music in these vids tbh. Like I've been to music festivals and parades so I'm fine in these conditions but the bass was literally so bad i actually felt sick from it here.

I always imagined carnival like how music festivals are, with people and performers runing around and dancing together in one big party so seeing this was beyond disappointing. The night festival made up for it i guess but at that point i was so beyond spent i couldn't even enjoy it. 🙁

and ofc it all comes back on me being called selfish because i had a breakdown towards the end of the night even tho all I've done is say yes and go wherever people wanted me even if i said i didn't want to go with because i knew how beyond exhausted i was from the start. I should have been resting the day before so i could have enjoyed yesterday but no, after only getting a couple hours of sleep and barely eating that day, that night i was forced into a truck being squeezed in by the 4 other adults in the back seat of a truck to slowly drive around for an hour only to stop and walk around literal trash filled streets for a whole 5 minutes just to go back into the overly cramped truck and go back home. I already felt like crap and have a bad back and hips and that just made things worse but no I'm just being overly sensitive and boujee. I tried to sleep but my family just got drunk and made a ton of noise all night and by the time my mom went to bed it was late, and she does nothing but toss and turn all night so again i went another day w.o any real sleep. So i spent my first carnival 2 days sleep deprived, in pain, and thoroughly exhausted. I kept to myself and stayed quiet thru everything but that's never enough, but in all honesty it should be. I don't need to show that I'm having a good time, especially if I'm not.

#personal

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