#making things more complicated than they need to be

[gurugirl]

Sex Tutor II

Summary: It feels like you and Harry are looking for different things. You aren't cut out for casual and Harry doesn't have time to focus on a relationship. But feelings are complicated and Harry doesn't even know what he wants until he realizes he can't stop thinking about you.

A/N: Here she is! The final part! I hope y'all enjoy! Part I Here

Word Count: 13.375

Warning: smut, angst, fluff, praise kink, size kink (kind of)

. .

It was another round of disappointment with Gunther after the 2nd time. Not only because he was so unenthusiastic and he wouldn’t return the favor (still), but because you really couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. About how good it had been with him.

As you were going down on Gunther you kept sucking him in and it just didn’t feel the same. He smelled different, and not necessarily bad but it wasn’t as pleasant as it could have been. He’d definitely sprayed some kind of cologne on and you could taste the bitterness of it on your tongue. And he was kind of rough with you. Pressed the back of your head down and grunted once or twice. You even attempted to run your finger over the spot Harry showed you and he got all squicked out by it thinking you were trying to put it in his butthole. And that reaction had totally ruined the moment for you.

Just like the first time, you left his dorm and walked back to yours alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts and a touch of disgust. You considered reaching out to Harry. He did mention to you that you could call him anytime. And you were left fully unsatisfied by Gunther. There was no part of you that didn’t believe Harry could satisfy you every which way.

You figured you’d call it quits with Gunther after that and maybe you’d contact Harry again. But to your surprise, he contacted you first.

H: How did it go with Gunther?

You were working on a paper at your desk when you saw his message. Of course, you stopped everything to respond.

Not great. He did cum, though. So I guess that’s good! lol

H: Did you also cum?

You swallowed and bit your lip as you felt your cheeks heat up at that question.

No.

It took a bit for him to respond. You weren’t sure if he was in the middle of something or if he didn’t have anything more to say, or maybe it was that he was thinking of how to word his response. And by then you had a hard time getting back into working on your paper so you called it quits for the day and decided to shower.

You kept wondering what was on Harry’s mind. Wondered if you should follow up with him. Ask him to see you again. And when you got out of your shower you had planned out a whole message to type out to him. You’d ask him for another lesson and see if he had any time. You’d be kind of putting yourself out there but Harry had been so nice and it was so good with him you hadn’t stopped thinking about that night.

But there was already a message from Harry waiting for you when you picked up your phone.

H: I think you should come over again. You didn’t get what you needed from him and I’ll happily make up for it. Show you what it’s supposed to be like.

You laid your phone down on your sink counter and grinned, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Because yes! Yes, you’d go to his and let him take care of you. God, you’d love to give him another blow job too.

Only if you want. When were you thinking?

His response came faster than you expected.

H: Are you free tonight? Say 6 or so?

You weren’t technically free. You needed to finish your paper but fuck it. Harry would be worth a rushed final product.

That works for me : )

You met him at Maud’s like the first time. Only this time you bought his tea and a sandwich for him. He told you it wasn’t necessary but you felt like it was the least you could do. You walked back to his apartment together and told him about your paper that was due and he talked about his thesis. Harry was an interesting person. He wasn’t just eye candy, he had real depth. And he was kind.

“So why don’t you have a T.V.?” You asked as you sat on his couch and he plopped down next to you, drawing his arm over your shoulder.

“No time really. I’m telling you, I am almost always studying and doing coursework. Used to have one but it was too much of a distraction.”

You laughed, “And this isn’t a distraction?” You motioned your hand between yourself and Harry.

He shifted his seating and his hand moved from your shoulder to the side of your neck as he gently pulled at you, “Oh it’s a distraction all right. But this is the kind that’s worth it. Television has never been worth missing out on a good study sesh,” he laughed and you laid your palm on his chest.

“Well, I hope it’s worth it. Don’t feel like I’m all that amazing. Kind of ju–“

Your words were abruptly cut off with his mouth over yours. You let out a surprised squeak and Harry laughed against your lips, “Sorry… just want you, Y/n…”

You were a goner. You had never felt so sexy in your life as in that moment. Harry seemed quite ravenous and you didn’t know if it was because he was just horny in general or if it was because of you but the way he was licking at your mouth and touching your hip and moaning it felt a lot like he was simply into you. At least that’s what you were going to believe.

He got you into his bed again, your pants and sweater on the floor as he kissed your tummy. Your head was spinning, “Your lesson today,” he spoke between soft pecks over your skin, “Is to see how special you are. How you deserve to feel good. To be with someone who’s going to worship you…”

He hadn’t even touched your clit and it was already throbbing under your cotton panties. The man knew just what to say and you couldn’t help but melt into his mattress and moan his name.

You didn’t have much experience. But you knew one thing and that was that Harry was really really good. He pulled an orgasm from you like an expert, fingers tucked deep into your pussy with his tongue and lips sliding expertly over your sensitive clit. You could hardly even remember getting your clothes off but you didn’t forget his words as he pushed your thighs apart and nosed at your pussy, “So sweet, honey,” he looked up at you, “Can I call you honey?”

Honey. You didn’t mind. Of course not. He could call you whatever he wanted.

And when you finally came down from your orgasm, you shivered as he kept sucking on your clit. You tried pushing at his forehead and he hardly budged as he lifted his mouth from your pussy, “Relax. One more okay? Give me one more, honey?”

Fuck. You were not sure how you were going to survive this man.

When you were panting and sweating after your second orgasm Harry laid next to you and kissed your neck and told you how sweet and perfect you were. You tried returning the favor but he just shook his head and pulled your hand away from his obvious erection to kiss your knuckles, “This wasn’t about me tonight. Just for you, okay? I’m fine. Took care of myself before you came over anyway.”

“But you’re hard…”

“And I promise you that I’m fine. You deserve to be taken care of, Y/n. Don’t like how you’ve been neglected. Want you to just get what you need tonight.”

You stayed at Harry’s for another couple of hours. Just talking and laughing. It was like you two had always known one another. You learned a little about his childhood and you told him about yours. He was sweet and easy to talk to and you loved how he kept holding your hand and pinching your bottom lip as you’d talk. And when it was time to go he called you an Uber again, to which you protested, telling him that was unnecessary.

“It’s absolutely necessary. Don’t want anything to happen to you and this way I can watch the route and make sure you get where you need to go.”

It was like you were another person for the next week and a half. You were feeling quite confident and you ignored Gunther’s text to “hang out”. Harry made you feel like you deserved more. Even if you’d never have anything serious with Harry, he sure made you feel special.

But one night when you and your roommate were hanging out at a sorority house, you overheard something that made your stomach turn.

“You stayed the whole night?”

“Yep. He asked me to. Fucked me so good I almost couldn’t walk and he’s just so nice… I kind of thought he’d have me leave but he said he wanted to make sure I was okay.”

“What’s he like?”

“Well, everything about him is just…” the girl grinned and bit her lip with that dreamy, faraway look in her eye, “He’s so hot up close too. His body… holy shit, you should see this man’s body! But his dick… when I felt that thing inside of me, I was a dickmatized. He’s big and it’s just… perfect. But it’s not just that he’s got a big cock, he’s like… super nice and just knows how to orchestrate the whole experience. Talked me through it all, it was so sexy, and he knows what he’s doing.”

“And you’re gonna ask for another session?”

The girl nods, “Oh yeah. I already did. Well, the morning when I left he fucked me again and then ate me out and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. So I obviously called him…”

Harry wasn’t your boyfriend. He was a single man who had a reputation. He was known for this very thing. So why did it bother you? Why did it make you feel nauseated and jealous? You didn’t even get to have full-on sex with him. It was just oral sex both times, but it felt like you missed out in a way, not having the opportunity to have him like that. But perhaps it was better that you hadn’t had actual sex. Because your wandering thoughts and feelings were betraying your good senses. Images in your brain of you and Harry being a couple were silly. That was never going to happen. Maybe continuing to see Harry would be a bad idea after all. You were already feeling things for him that you shouldn’t be.

And, so, when Gunther called you again the day after you heard that story you decided to answer the call and give him yet another chance. He asked for another “date”. But this time you told him you wanted to actually go out somewhere first. Like on a real date. Maybe a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe the third time would be the charm, as they say. Perhaps if you gave him one more shot he’d redeem himself. Maybe you’d finally get what you were looking for all along.

So there you both were on a Saturday night at the bar with house music playing. You were readying yourself for another round of disappointment and being left unsatisfied when he refused to dance with you. The bar you two had gone to had a DJ every Saturday night and you thought it could be fun to have a couple of drinks, eat some bar food, and dance a bit. But Gunther didn’t want to get up off his stool and he went way beyond just a couple of drinks. You weren’t sure how many he had at that point but it had become clear that he just wanted to drink and get back to his room so he could get his dick sucked and send you on your way.

This time, however, there would be no blow job. You had already decided on Ubering back to your dorm alone afterward. You just had to figure out how to break it to Gunther first.

.           .

Harry had been wondering about you since the last time he saw you. The nervous pretty girl who wound up being quite the breath of fresh air for him. He didn’t expect you to call him for another session but he kind of hoped you would. Or at least just a text to hang out. The last night he had you at his place he felt like you were an old friend. A hot friend who he wanted to bang, but a friend, someone he felt comfortable with who he could talk to all night. He was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed with you. And so it was kind of disappointing when you didn’t reach out to him again. He felt like maybe you weren’t that into him.

He even wound up having to cancel on someone he’d made plans with. He wasn’t sure he was ready to look at anyone else naked. He needed time to get his head on straight. Which just meant he was concerned he’d be thinking about you while he was with someone else. And that was something he refused to do with anyone; think about one person while being with another.

And now it was almost two weeks later and he was still thinking about you. Kept wanting to text you to ask how you were. To see if you wanted to just hang out. He figured if you wanted more you’d reach out. He didn’t want to assume you felt whatever it was he felt. He wasn’t even quite sure what he was feeling.

So when his friend invited him to go out for a few drinks he thought it would be a good opportunity to get his mind off of you so he decided why not? He didn’t often go out to drink. He didn’t have time for it, truth be told. But his buddy wanted to celebrate landing a big job and Harry said he could only hang out for a couple of hours because he had to be up early the following morning to study but he could use a couple of hours away from schoolwork to let loose a bit.

The bar was packed and the room was loud with music and an open dancefloor where people were dancing and flirting. He figured he’d go out and dance for a song or two after a couple of beers and then call it a night. As he was on his second pint he gazed around at the tables with girls in their short dresses and guys trying their hardest to impress and that’s when he spotted you. He felt his heart float up into his throat and then he narrowed in his sight to see who you were with. Gunther.

Harry had looked up this Gunther guy. He was easy to find. He was following you on Instagram and being that there weren’t many called Gunther he knew right away it was him. Why did he look him up? It was just another thing that had Harry a bit perplexed. Being someone on the path to becoming a sex therapist, one would think Harry had more of an idea of what was going on in his own head. But maybe it was more just a matter of whether or not he was ready to admit what he was feeling.

You appeared bored. Annoyed maybe. You had your chin propped in your hand and you were swirling your drink with a straw. Your eyes were focused on the dance floor and Gunther was looking a bit tipsy. He was staring at his phone. If Harry were there with you he’d have his whole attention on you. He wouldn’t even be thinking about his phone. Hell, he had his whole attention on you now and he wasn’t even there with you.

He wondered what it was you saw in Gunther. He knew the man wasn’t doing it for you. He could just see it in your posture. If you had been well fucked, or at least satisfied on some level, and given the attention you deserved your demeanor would have been different. Harry could do that for you. He’d seen how you responded to a good orgasm and how relaxed and confident you got when you were satisfied.

When he saw you sip the last of your drink and say something to your date, who didn’t even so much as give you a glance, you got up and made your way to the dancefloor when the new song came on.

Watching you sway and dance alone had Harry’s heart rhythm increasing. Your dress was riding up your legs and you had your arms raised and your eyes closed. It was clear you were just trying to enjoy your time whether or not Gunther was. He was glad you were dancing and doing your own thing.

“Who’s the girl?” Harry’s friend asked as two more guys joined them at the table.

“Y/n. A friend.”

“I bet. You gonna go be her friend again tonight?” Paul’s elbow teasingly poked at Harry’s arm.

Harry nodded, “You know what? Maybe I will. Looks like she could use some company.”

Leaving his beer behind at the table with his mates Harry scanned his eyes back towards Gunther who was still enmeshed in whatever was on his cell phone’s screen. He couldn’t believe the guy wasn’t watching you dance. You were a sight.

Harry wound his way through the crowd before he got close enough that he could get your attention. But your eyes were still closed as you sensually moved your hips and swayed to the beat. He began to dance, only a few feet in front of you as he watched you move and feel the music. He stepped in closer, glimpsing down over the skin on your neck and up to how your lips were slightly parted, a bit of sweat building at your brow line.

And when you finally opened your eyes to see the very man you’d had on your mind it came as quite the surprise. You blinked your lashes at him as he grinned down at you, “Harry?”

Your smile stretched over your face as you continued letting the music guide your movements and he took your hand, gently pulling you closer to breach the space between you, “Hi.”

“Hi,” you gazed up at him like you were in a dream. Was he really here? “What are you doing here?”

He laughed and moved his hand to your hip, “Came out with some friends,” he glanced toward the table where Gunther was still laser-focused on his phone, “I see you’ve come with someone as well.”

You followed his gaze and then looked back up at him, “Yeah. Was trying to give him one more shot.”

Harry’s big hand had a firm grip on your hip as you both moved away from the sight of Gunther, still dancing, “One more shot? You think he’s worth it?”

Shaking your head you laid your palm over his chest, “I don’t know. Just wanted to see.”

Harry let out a laugh and shook his head, “You think he’s gonna satisfy you? Or you think you’ll be left wanting once again?”

You felt your face warm up as you shook your head no and shrugged.

“Then why are you here with him, Y/n?”

You shrugged again and looked down at the collar of his shirt, “Just wanted to see if a night out would make it better.”

Harry pulled his free hand around the back of your hip and ducked his head down to your line of sight, “And look at him over there. Not paying you the attention you deserve. If it were me I’d be out here dancing with you and showing you off to everyone.”

You laughed, that smile he was searching for back on your face again, “You are technically out here dancing with me.”

“See? I say what I mean. You’re too special to waste your night with him. You planning on leaving here with him after?”

“Don’t think so. I mean look at him… he doesn’t care if I’m here or not. He probably just wants his blow job and he’s suffering through all this just to get his balls drained,” you laughed and covered your mouth with your free hand. You didn’t know what’d gotten into you saying that but you didn’t regret it when Harry let out a loud guffaw.

“It’s cause you’re so good, Y/n,” Harry ran his hand up your spine to wrap his fingers along the back of your neck, and he ducked his mouth close to your ear to speak, “You know that right? How good you are? Got me all flustered right now thinking about it. Don’t go back with him. He’s not worth it.”

Your eyes fluttered when you felt his warm breath on your ear and down your neck. You loved what he was saying to you but you also knew he was probably just being nice. Like he was to everyone. Like he had been to that girl he let stay over after you. While you were pining over him he was fucking another.

Not that you had any right to be jealous. There were no strings in this relationship.

“I think I’ll just get an Uber back to my place. That’s what I was planning anyway,” you turned in to respond to him.

Harry moved you to the rhythm slowly and the feel of his hands on you was exciting. But you didn’t want to get caught up in how it all felt because you knew you’d just get attached to him. He was so nice and so good and being with him had you feeling like you were special to him. Though, you knew the truth. You were just like everyone else.

Except that every time you looked into his eyes it was deep and there was a well of emotion or something that couldn’t just mean nothing. But maybe that was just you being the silly optimist that you were.

“Can’t believe he didn’t give you anything,” his gaze seared over your face, “Can’t believe he wouldn’t want to.”

You felt his hand gently squeeze the back of your neck and his heart was pumping healthily under your palm. He ducked down again, his voice vibrating off the shell of your ear and the heat of his body enveloping yours, “He’s missing out because you’re so sweet. Feel lucky I got to taste you and he never has. Might sound selfish but I hope you don’t let him.”

You panted when his lips grazed over your earlobe and then he planted a hot kiss to the skin just underneath, “Let me have you again. Come back to mine and I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Want to taste you and feel, Y/n. Missed you…”

Your brain was blurry as he smudged his lips down your neck. Your skin pricked in delight at the cool air that hit every damp spot left behind by his mouth.

“What the fuck?”

Your little bubble burst when you heard Gunther’s voice. Harry kept his arm around your low back, continuing to hold you close.

“Dude… what is this?”

“It’s… Gunther this is Har–“

“I don’t care who he is. Why is he dancing with you and kissing you?”

“That’s a good question,” Harry responded, “You should have been out here with her but you were too interested in your phone to notice that someone else was enjoying her company and paying attention to her like she deserves.”

Gunther laughed and stumbled forward, trying to pry Harry’s hand from your waist, “Come on…”

“Go home, Gunther,” Harry moved you behind his back and stood tall to look down on your date.

Gunther looked at you, dumbfounded, “Is this guy for real?”

You nodded and grabbed onto Harry’s arm, “Yeah. You should leave and get some rest. I think you’ve had too much to drink. I’m sorry–“

“Don’t apologize to him. He should have been acting like your date.”

“So, you’re not coming back to my room with me? My roommate’s out all night, Y/n…”

Shaking your head you stepped next to Harry, “No. I’m not. I think I’m just gonna go home myself–“

Harry looked down at you, “You sure you want to go home?”

“Fine. This was a lame date, anyway,” Gunther laughed and pointed at you, “Don’t call me again.”

Rolling your eyes as your date walked off you looked back up at Harry who was still looking down at you with a confused expression, “You really don’t want to come with me?”

You swallowed and let go of his arm, “It’s not that… It’s just kind of complicated and a mess of things I don’t want to explain…”

Harry took your hand, “Try me.”

You shook your head as you both moved away from the crowd of swaying bodies, “This isn’t a therapy session, Harry. I have real feelings and I’m not cut out for casual like some people.”

He followed you toward your table where you had left your purse. You wanted to make sure you got it before anyone else did.

“What does that mean, Y/n? Talk to me.”

When you pulled your purse over your shoulder you shrugged as you looked up at him, “Come on Harry. You know what I mean. You and I are in different leagues. You are having fun and sleeping with all these people, which you’re totally allowed to do! And I barely have any experience and was even so desperate that I went out with Gunther again in hopes of some kind of connection–“

“Hey,” Harry softly grabbed your face and let the pads of his thumbs graze over your cheekbones, “You and me have a connection. And there are no leagues, Y/n… that’s something made up.”

You puffed out a laugh but you really wanted to melt into him, at his soft touch, “But we’re looking for different things, Harry. And that’s fine, really… I should go…” You began to walk toward the exit and Harry followed you out the doors.

The silence and the darkness outside were only tempered by the streetlights with the noise of a car passing and the bass of the music coming from inside the bar you’d just walked out of.

“I hope you don’t think I took your company for granted, Y/n. I really, genuinely like you. Haven’t stopped thinking about you since our last night together.”

You nodded with a faint smile, “That’s nice to hear. I know you’re a super nice guy, Harry. And I hope this doesn’t sound rude or anything… but it’s just hard for me to really believe you were thinking much of me afterward. I imagine you stay booked and busy.”

Harry’s brows stitched together, “Booked and busy? I don’t just have lots of girls over all the time, Y/n. I am a busy man though. I’m in my coursework program and working on my thesis. I’m not just fucking around all the time. Haven’t had anyone over since you, actually.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “No? What about a pretty blond who stayed the night with you? I’m guessing it was last week?”

He shook his head, “Had no one over last week.”

“Really?” You looked down at the concrete sidewalk and wondered if you’d gotten it wrong. You swore it sounded like she had just seen him the way she was talking.

Harry pulled your hand into his, “You’re the last girl I had over. Was supposed to see someone the other day but I canceled. Wasn’t feeling it anymore.”

You sighed, “I mean… obviously you can do what you want and see who you please. I’m just… my point is that I’m worried about getting attached. You’re good at casual and I’m not. So… seeing you again might be fine for you but for me, it holds so much more meaning. It’s just how I’m programmed. I can’t help it.”

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know why that little confession had his heart twisting, “I see. So you wouldn’t want to see me again then?”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to. I think you’re fun and we had a really good time but I don’t know if I can handle being one of the many. When I overheard someone talking about sleeping with you…” you shook your head, “I was sick to my stomach even though I have no right to feel that way. Does that make sense? And I’m not like saying,” you gestured your arms about, “… that I’m already attached or anything. It’s just I am not cut out for being with someone who’s also sleeping with others. So it’s better to cut our losses. My losses… before I actually get hurt.”

Harry could understand that. He’d dealt with this before. Girls getting jealous of other girls. And so then at that point, it was time to part ways as amicably as possible. Because Harry was a single man and not ready for commitments like that. His only commitments were finishing his thesis, getting his doctorate, and working toward opening his own practice one day. That was where his heart was. Not with any one girl who might come along. Perhaps one day he’d settle down. After he met all his life’s goals first.

But looking at you and your pretty eyes, the ones that had him in a trance, the ones he couldn’t stop thinking about that had him canceling on another girl… well he was quite torn. He didn’t know what he was feeling exactly. All he knew was that he had a plan, a path he’d forged and would continue on until he got what he wanted. And never in that plan did he imagine meeting someone along the way who could disrupt any part of that.

“I wish you’d reconsider.”

You shook your head as you looked at his soft green irises, wondering if that would be the last time you’d get to see them up close. You wanted to repeat his words to him. I wish you’d reconsider. Because that’s what it would take. You couldn’t do casual and you’d drive yourself mad knowing he was sleeping with others. There was nothing wrong with Harry. In fact he was quite astonishing and impressive. But that would only make the eventual parting even worse for you and so you figured it was better this way. It would be nice to have him again but you’d just be falling deeper into that hole. You knew yourself all too well.

Your Uber had arrived and you smiled up at Harry, “I can’t. I found myself thinking about you too much and just imagining how it’d be if we did more… I’d really be a mess. But truly, you’ve been so great, Harry. I wish you all the best.”

You climbed into the back of the black Toyota and Harry thought he should stop you. He thought he should climb in after you and tell you that you were making a mistake. That he really didn’t know what he was doing but he couldn’t just let you leave like that. He could figure it out if he did it with you.

But God, what was he thinking? Why would he do that? He didn’t know you well enough to be making such big decisions that could derail the very rigid plans he’d already made for himself. So he let you go. He watched as the car took you down the street until you were out of sight completely and he felt like something was missing. For the first time ever there was a pit in his gut, an obstruction that had him faltering. Had he just fucked up? Or had he done something that was for the better?

He honestly didn’t know.

.           .           .

The university you attended was like a small town. Thousands of people attended classes and milled about the campus every day. And despite how many people there were gossip was quickly and easily spread. It shouldn’t have surprised you because if there was one thing a college girly was good at, it was gossiping and learning more details about gossip they heard. And who happened to be one of the most talked about grad students on campus? To your utter dismay, the name of one of the most popular and attractive guys at university was Harry Styles. You’d never paid much attention to it before you met him. But now every time his name came up you were all ears.

Now you didn’t go believing all the things you heard in general. Most gossip was easy enough to ignore or brush off as inconsequential or probably a downright lie. But your ears did perk up when you were at a frat party and you heard Harry’s name mentioned. And the only reason you even heard it was because your roommate was chatting with a girl who was talking about him.

“Yeah, I guess Harry’s been seeing people but not doing anything with them. Like he brings them to his place or whatever and then he just freezes and apologizes but Lora said, and I’m just saying what I heard from her, that he really liked some chick and she didn’t want to see him again and he can’t get over her or something?”

“That’s interesting. I heard he canceled on someone a month ago- Amy’s friend who hung out with him once. So maybe this has been going on since then?”

Your roommate turned to look at you, narrowing her eyes and you knew what she was thinking. But even if the part about him being upset over some “chick” was true, certainly that had nothing to do with you.

“I heard the same thing,” another girl chimed in, “My brother is in a class with him and he said Harry’s been kind of down I guess.”

“Your brother takes note of his mood?” One of the girls laughed.

“Oh yeah. Only because I ask about him. When I found out he had a class with Harry I was like tell me everything!” She laughed.

You had a feeling that most of what you were hearing was false. Harry was so confident and just having a good time you couldn’t imagine he’d freeze up around anyone like that.

As the night went on, the frat house became packed with people. Dancing bodies, music, drugs, alcohol, hookups… You were there for the dancing and alcohol part. Your roommate had her eye on the debate team champ, Alex, and was hoping to get lucky finally (they’d been kind of playing a cat-and-mouse game that she was ready to finish once and for all).

You kept your drink in hand the whole time. Only refilling when necessary and trying not to get too wasted. That was never cute and it was also dangerous. But you loved dancing and letting loose with others who were just as bad at dancing as you were. It was fun to not worry about what you looked like because no one really cared.

Except that when you heard Gunther’s voice from behind you and felt his sticky hand on your arm you wanted to vomit, “Look so good, Y/n…”

He was drunk. His voice was slurred and you were annoyed at his presence. You pulled away from him but being the nice girl you were you smiled and made small talk for a bit as you kept moving your hips to the music.

“Come back to my room again tonight. Miss this mouth,” he plucked at your lip and you swatted his hand away, the smile on your face dropping instantly. No more nice girl.

“No thanks.” You turned to leave the area where everyone was dancing to get away but he followed behind.

“Oh, come on. You love sucking me off. You’re so good at it too.”

Finally. A compliment. But of course, it was too little too late and certainly not the time nor the place for such words. Besides, you were no longer attracted to him, and no matter what angle he tried it wasn’t going to work.

“Go away, Gunther!” You suddenly snapped at him and he stopped mid-stride and looked at you like you had two heads with horns.

He lifted his hands in surrender, “Okay. Fine. Jesus.”

You turned to make your way to the kitchen for a refill when you saw something that made your heart drop and your stomach bubble in gross shock. It was Harry Styles dancing slowly behind some cute girl, his arms wrapped around her front, leaning down to her shorter height and he was kissing the side of her neck.

Your Harry. The one who had you all gooey and giddy after that “session”. The one who kissed your neck not that long ago. You wished he was dancing behind you like that. You wished you hadn’t been so sensitive and that you could throw caution to the wind and not care that he was sleeping with others. You wished you could have just given in that night at the bar and gone back to his… But you said no to him. And now here he was with someone else.

You gulped and turned to go to the bathroom instead, Gunther still eyeing you up from the spot where you’d left him.

You stayed in the bathroom for a bit. Not wanting to go out and see Harry and the cute brunette dancing. You knew she was in for a treat later on. But that should have been you. Pouting at yourself in the mirror you felt ridiculous. You knew what it was with Harry. That he was a free and single man and could do as he pleased. You really had no right to feel upset over what you’d seen. He’d done nothing wrong.

Dumping out the last bit of your drink in the sink you figured maybe it was just time to leave. You didn’t want to have to deal with Gunther nor did you feel like seeing Harry all over someone else. Perhaps tonight was just not going to be your night.

As you opened the bathroom door a figure stood in the way and your immediate thought was that Gunther had followed you but as you trailed your eyes upward it was clear the man was taller and you didn’t miss the nail polish on his fingers when he gripped the door. Everything stopped. The music, the air around your body, your heart…

“Y/n…” That deep voice spoke your name like it belonged on his tongue.

You looked up at him, removing your hand from the doorknob, and gave him a confused smile, “Hi Harry. What are you doing?”

He seemed off. Not drunk but maybe not quite sober either? You weren’t sure what to make of his behavior as he pulled the door open and stepped into the bathroom, closing it behind himself.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he stepped in toward you, your bottom hitting the edge of the porcelain sink, “Nothing makes sense lately. Just want to go back to how things were but I can’t. S’like I’ve got some kind of block. Something’s missing…”

You shook your head, not really understanding what he was talking about as he continued.

“I don’t know what’s going on in my head. Are you really still with Gunther?” He looked hurt. Wounded almost.

“No. After that night at the bar, I haven’t talked to him. He just happened to be here.” “You were dancing with him.”

“Well, not really. I was dancing and then he came up behind me. I was just being nice talking to him but then he said something and…” you scoffed, “Why does it matter? You were dancing with someone else. And you were all over her. You should be out there with her enjoying yourself, Harry.”

“Can’t. Haven’t been able to enjoy anyone. Don’t want to anymore. Every time I do this now I just… can’t.”

“But you were. You were kissing her neck, having fun. Looked quite cozied up to her, Harry. I imagine she’s waiting for you to return right now.”

“I mean I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ve been kidding myself. I can never go through with it. I don’t want her. That was just a show. When I saw you with him… it’s dumb. I don’t know what I’m doing, Y/n.”

You sighed and scanned his face. He did seem down, “So why are you here in the bathroom with me? Did you want to talk to me? Is there something I can do?”

Truly you were racking your brain trying to figure out why he was there and why he was telling you everything he was. Now you weren’t a dumb girl, but you would never have assumed what he was about to tell you in his next breath.

“Yes. There is something…” he swallowed, his soft green irises fixed on your mouth, “Can you kiss me? Just once more. I just need to see something with you. Is that okay?”

You felt dizzy. Felt confused. Felt your breaths shallow as he looked back into your eyes, “What? I don’t understand. Why?”

Harry softly brushed his knuckles against yours, “Because I can’t stop thinking about you and every time I try to see someone I just see you. And it’s driving me mad and I don’t understand it really but I just need to know something and I think if I could kiss you maybe it would help clear up the fog in my brain.”

“The fog…” you whispered the words back to him and felt his fingertips against yours. And it was suddenly clear to you what he was saying. You were the one who had him all messed up. The “chick” he couldn’t get over. You didn’t know how it was possible or why but it was and he was begging you with his eyes and his fingertips. The heat of him standing only inches away from you was beckoning you to give in.  

When you wound your fingers through his and gently pulled him closer, your lashes fluttering up at him, you saw a light in his eyes, a sparkle of something like wonder and hope and relief. The strange nervous, tense energy you spotted when he first walked into the bathroom with you was suddenly gone.

He brought a hand up to your face, his long fingers curving around to the back of your neck, “It’s okay? I can kiss you, Y/n?”

“Yes. It’s okay, Harry.”

Closing his eyes, a shaky breath fell from his mouth as he relieved his lungs of the pressure in his chest and you braced yourself for his lips on yours but it wasn’t at all what you expected. It wasn’t rushed or filled with filth and lust. It wasn’t slobbery with an excited tongue finding its way into your mouth or teeth colliding in haste.

No. It was filled with warmth and it was soft, slow. He pressed his lips to yours and ran his thumb gently over your cheekbone, inhaling deeply. He squeezed your hand and lulled his lips up and down to the edge of your mouth and delicately swiped his tongue over your bottom lip. The warmth created embers as you parted your lips and ran your tongue against his and your heart lobbed in your chest at the emotion and the meaning you felt pouring from him.

He refused to rush the kiss, slowly opening and closing his lips against and around yours, softly licking and breathing and touching your face and your hand. And when you let out a small whimper the embers caught on fire and his hips were against yours and the fingers at the back of your neck held your face against his as he worshipped your mouth and you felt his nose nudge into yours before he gasped and spoke, keeping his eyes closed, “It’s you. It’s what I want. All I want. I knew it.”

You blinked your eyes open and cupped his jaw, “Harry… what do you mean?”

With his eyes still shut he sighed, “I just mean it’s you that I can’t move on from. I can’t describe it right now but you’ve done something to me and I need more of it.”

In most circumstances, those words would be music to your ears. But you were terrified of getting hurt. Terrified that he was just confused and if you entertained whatever this was he’d realize it wasn’t all that deep and he’d go back to his “tutoring”. Because he had said that when he first got into the bathroom with you. That he just wanted things to go back to how they were. And if you were just a means to an end, well, you didn’t want to be part of that, for your own sake.

“So you’re hoping that now things can go back to how they were before me? Yeah?”

Harry’s eyes opened and he looked down at you, shaking his head, “No. They can’t. I can’t. That kiss, Y/n… Was exactly what I thought. Can we get out of here? Go somewhere and talk?”

He was convincing. How could he not be? His irises were brighter and greener than they were before you kissed him and the thumb he smoothed over your jaw and to your earlobe had you melting, relenting. So you nodded to him and said your goodbyes to the two friends you arrived at the party with, following him outside, keeping your hand in his the whole time.

Your dorm room was closer so you decided to go there and it was like you were walking through a scene in some surreal movie that you couldn’t wait to find out what the ending was going to be. But before you could even get to your dorm, Harry had you against the wall at the art building, and the rush and the lust that you hadn’t quite gotten earlier in the bathroom was suddenly burning all around you.

Wet lips and hasty, shaky hands, hips pasted together away from the streetlamp that illuminated the sidewalk only feet from you… A heart-racing blur. Nipped lips and stifled moans, heaving chests…

And then a hurry to get to your building and find your way up to your room before the dizzy haze of Harry enveloped you again and it was all-consuming. You couldn’t peel yourself away from him and his lips found your neck and your skin and you pushed your hand under his shirt to touch his warm chest.

But he parted from you with a gasp, his chest rising and falling so rapidly his lungs were likely struggling to keep up.

“I’m sorry. That… Y/n I just really really like you.”

Pulling your hand from his chest you nodded at him and shifted on your bed so you could sit to your bottom next to him, “I like you too, Harry.” Obviously.

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded as he looked down at his lap and then dragged your hand over his thigh, sliding his fingers between yours, “I mean I want to be with you. I can’t even think about anyone else. I don’t want anyone else.”

You watched as Harry drew his fingers over your knuckles and between your digits then pressed his palm against yours.

“But… so you don’t want to like have what you had before? Like all the girls and the… you know,” you breathed out a laugh that was full of nerves, “The sessions? Weren’t you just having fun?”

He shook his head and turned to look at you, “It was fun. But it wound up just being kind of empty after a bit. Didn’t really get what I was looking for. I mean at first, I didn’t even know what I was looking for. But you know how you said you gave Gunther one last shot because you were hoping for some kind of connection?”

You nodded as you worried your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering where he was going with all of it. Was he really about to say what you thought he was?

“I realized that’s what I was looking for. And you… Y/n there’s just this thing with you. I never connected with someone like that before. I never felt so… I can’t like describe…” he paused as he collected his thoughts, “Breathless? Or like… achy here,” he lifted a hand to his chest over his heart, “It’s this stinging dread, just a hopeless feeling. I never cared if someone didn’t want to see me again. But I cared a lot when you didn’t want to. It hurt.”

Those were the kinds of feelings you felt when you liked someone who didn’t like you back. It was that exact description that you were worried about with Harry. You were worried you’d feel all that and then he’d be with someone else the next week. It was for fear of that very thing. But he was feeling it. That devastation.

“I understand exactly. That’s why I didn’t want to see you again. Because I was worried I’d start to feel that too. And it hurts so much that it was easier to part ways before it got to that point. So I get it.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore. With anyone else. I’m done. And I’m so close to what I want… my degree. So I thought it was too much to focus on just one person but I think I was wrong. It’s a lot of work having people come and go. Maybe it’s better to just have someone I can trust and someone who’s there for me. Just one person who I feel a real connection with.”

You swallowed the lump down your throat and your tummy was in knots. It truly did feel like you were in a surreal movie scene all dreamy and untidy with bursts of vivid colors and soft stringed music slowly intensifying as the minutes drew on.

“Would you want that with me? To see what happens? I’m not saying it would be like a fairytale or anything but like… just a normal relationship. Get to figure out what this is between us and learn about each other. Just the two of us.”

“So, me and you?”

“Yeah. Me and you. Not something casual. I’d only want to see you.”

You hadn’t imagined your night going in this direction and it still felt like you were about to have a director enter your room and yell cut! It didn’t quite feel real but it was. Harry was sitting next to you on your bed with his hypnotizing bright green eyes on you, caressing your fingers and your palm with his.

“Okay. Yeah,” you breathed out your words and Harry’s pink lips turned upward in a boyish smile complete with adorable dimples and you couldn’t help but return the expression but it only lasted for a second or two before his lips were pressed against yours again.

Everything about him was intoxicating. His body against yours, his hands on your face and squeezing your hip as he laid you both down in your small bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he ran his tongue over the seam of your lips and it turned into something dirty and desperate, your hands grabbing at him and his fingers trailing under your shirt.

He squeezed at your bum, your jeans blocking him from feeling you unencumbered and then he parted from the kiss, his hair all wild and strewn about from your fingers, “Can we do this here? Is your roommate coming back?”

You looked at the clock on the table at the side of the room and it was well past 2 in the morning. You honestly weren’t sure if she was coming back but you knew she had hopes of going back to Alex’s place. But you also didn’t care. At least not in that moment with Harry right there with you, his scent all over your body, his jeans unzipped, and his shoes somewhere in your room.

“I don’t know. She might be out all night. Just… If she comes back we’ll cover up,” you laughed. You had once again lost your mind. Harry seemed to have you in some lusty trance you couldn’t break. Didn’t want to break.

Harry ducked down to kiss your neck as he fit himself between your legs, the bed squeaking under the sudden shift of weight. You could feel his open pants against your hip. You’d gotten a bit carried away when you were making out and undid them for him, to which he laughed but didn’t stop you. And now, that convenient thing was seductively calling to you as you reached your hand down to push at his pants.

“In a hurry are we?” He looked down at your hand and then at your face.

“Not really. I don’t know. I just want… you.”

Harry’s lids were heavy as he blinked his eyes, “Well you can have me. Whatever you want.”

He pressed the tip of his nose to yours before smearing his mouth against your lips and your fingers were back in his hair once again. Slow and luxurious. Hasty and filthy… Harry kissed you like he didn’t know which way was best. But you were getting fired up from the way he was doing it. You didn’t care, you just wanted it. Wanted his mouth and his tongue, his hands and his body, his moans and his hair between your fingers.

You were hot. Molten underneath him. Your panties were ruined and you were sure he knew what he was doing. Your mind wandered to where you’d put your condoms and then you felt his hands on your hip as he slowly began to slide your shirt upward.

He sat back, plucking at the front of his pants, and then put his hands back on your waist, “Can I get this off? All of it?”

You nodded and grinned with your lip bitten into your mouth as Harry got rid of your t-shirt and then unbuttoned your pants, “You too. Can we get your clothes off too?” You spoke as you lifted your hips and let him peel your jeans down your legs.

Harry grinned at you, “Absolutely. You already did part of the work here anyway,” he laughed as he gestured toward his unzipped pants.

Harry was left in his boxer briefs when the last thing you had to get rid of was your light blue panties. But Harry seemed quite transfixed by the wet spot on the fabric over your pussy. You were so wet the whole of the crotch was clinging to you, outlining what was underneath and Harry slid his thumb over the top of the material and parted his lip before looking up your face, “Fuck.”

You panted softly when he bumped into your clit and pressed over the slick spot, “Does that feel good, Y/n?”

You nodded, “Yeah. That feels good…”

“So warm and wet for me,” he drew his hand up to the elastic waistband and pulled it downward, “Gonna take a closer look. S’that alright?”

You were full of nothing but yes as you knocked your head up and down affirmatively and bounced your gaze from his eyes to where he was disrobing the last bit of material covering you.

He pushed out a quick succession of what sounded like a breathy whistle as he took you in with his eyes, his fingertips holding the soft, mushy part of your inner thighs so you stayed spread, “Fuck. Fuck, honey…” he licked his lips and looked up at you as he ran his thumb through your folds, “Can I have some of this again? Taste…”

He sounded almost as delirious as you felt. Taste… eat… suck… fuck… whatever he wanted. You nodded, “Yes, Harry.”

He leaned over your body, pressing his chest against yours, and kissed your mouth before dragging his lips down your neck and to your tits, stopping to suck and lick each one before he drew his hot mouth downward, sponging kisses over your tummy and to your hips.

Your legs were brought up to drape over his shoulders as he held onto your thighs and then watched you as he licked up from your gushy hole to your clit.

The sounds that fell from your mouth were pitiful. You had an ache that needed to be relieved and it seemed only Harry could do it. Every swipe of his tongue through your crease had you slipping toward the edge of the earth, “Harry…”

You did your best to keep your eyes on his, knowing that’s what he liked but you couldn’t help throwing your head back every time he sucked your clit and rolled it under his tongue. He was better than your clit sucker. He was better than anything or anyone else.

“Mmmm…” your attempt at stifling your moans only goaded Harry even more. He drew his lips over your clit and slid them side to side and the pressure that was building in your tummy had you shaking.

“Will you…” you gasped and pulled at his hair, “Can we have sex?”

You had an immediate urge. A need to feel him closer. Wanted him inside of you right then.

Harry lifted his face from your pussy and licked his lips, “You sure? You’ve had sex before, yeah?”

You laughed and let go of his curls with a nod, “Just with one person. I’m not very good.”

“I’m sure you’re amazing, Y/n,” he sat back, gently placing your legs down and you pushed yourself to sit up.

“I don’t know,” you grinned at him and ran your foot over his thigh, “Maybe you could give me a proper lesson. Think I need tutoring.”

Harry wrapped his palm around your ankle and shot a cheeky eyebrow up, “Oh you need tutoring, do you? Well, you didn’t sign up for a lesson with me. Think you’re just gonna get a freebie?” He laughed.

You shrugged as he lifted himself and began to pull his boxer briefs down his hips. Your eyes focused on his big cock. You couldn’t wait to see what’d feel like inside of you. You were positive he’d be gentle and give it to you good.

“So what are you saying? You charge for your services now?”

Harry pursed his lips to the side and smoothed his hands up your calves, “Teaching is hard work, Y/n.”

“I bet. How about just one last lesson? For me?” You bit your lip, rounding your eyes at him.

“Fine. Just for you.”

“Condoms are in the top drawer,” you pointed to your dresser, “Never been opened.”

He began to move off your bed but then paused, “Never opened?”

“Well, the guy I slept with had his own and we only did it twice so I’ve never used the ones I bought.”

You watched him walk to your dresser to find the unopened box of Trojans. Harry was so fit and masculine and his ass was gorgeous. He was a work of art from behind but when he turned and walked toward you he was angelic. His toned abs and strong thighs, skin littered with tattoos and bits of hair on his pecs, his handsome face, and of course, the heavy, thick organ between his legs, swollen and hard. Just for you.

He kneed up to you on the bed and handed you the wrapper with the condom, “Ever put a condom on a penis before?” He asked as he stroked himself

You shook your head and tore the wrapper open. When you had the rubber in your palm Harry flipped it over, “This side goes on my tip.”

You brought the condom to his tip and looked up at him as you began to roll the rubber downward but he stopped you, “That’s good. But first, pinch the top here, like this,” he brought your fingers to the top of the rubber and pulled at it away from his crown, “Just gives a little space for movement and for my come.”

You gulped at the image in your brain of the condom being filled with his come after orgasm. His shaft was wide and long as the rubber was rolled down as far as it could reach.

You looked up at his face and he was watching you closely with a soft smile, “Very good.”

Harry scooted himself between your legs, his knees butting against the back of your thighs as he smeared his fingers through your folds, “We’ll go slow. I want to make sure everything feels good. When you had sex before, did you come?

You shook your head no.

“And how did you do it? Was he on top?”

You nodded, “Yeah, he was on top of me. It was kind of quick. Both times. I lied and told him I came.”

“Okay. Did he keep your clit stimulated?” He asked as he thumbed at your clit, mushing into it to drive the point home.

You gasped softly, “No. Never touched it.”

“Not even once? What about foreplay?” He circled your bud and the slickness from your pussy began to coat his fingers.

“We just made out and he fingered me and I did get wet. But he never touched… ohhh….” Harry slid two long fingers into your entrance and you looked down to view the spectacle.

His hand was wet with your arousal as he pumped his fingers in and out slowly, “So you’ve just had a string of bad lovers. I’m gonna do my best to make up for it.”

You sighed as he dragged the pads of his fingers along your front wall before pushing them back into his knuckles, “You’re so wet and ready. You deserve to feel good, Y/n. Deserve to have someone care for you.”

You ticked your hips upward slightly and Harry pumped into you a bit harder, the gushy noises of your pussy getting fingered sounded dirty but so good.

When he pulled his fingers from you he held the base of his shaft in his palm and smoothed his free hand up your tummy, “We’ll start off with you on your back. I’m going to go in gently. Okay?”

You nodded and shot your eyes down to his cock and then back up to his face.

“There you go, just keep your eyes on me. Tell me if anything is uncomfortable.”

Harry pulled at your hand and brought your fingertips over your mound, “Rub your clit the way that feels best for you. Okay?”

“Mmhmm…” you nodded and slid your fingers over your nub as you kept your eyes on his.

The initial stretch of your slick muscle around his thick head had you gasping. He inhaled through his teeth and pressed in slowly, “Your body is so turned on. That feels all right, yeah?”

“Yes… feels good.”

“Yeah? Feels good for me too.” He was breathy as he sunk into you and then pulled back a few inches, looking down at where your bodies were connected, half his cock buried inside of you.

And it surprised you how thick he was and how much of him you felt. You’d always heard you don’t feel much when there’s a penis inside of you but Harry’s penis was definitely working into you and spreading your insides apart.

With your fingers delicately running over your bud you moaned, “Oh god… Harry…”

He gripped your thighs and pulled you closer before shifting himself over you, “We’re gonna make sure it feels so good okay? You’re kind of shallow and I can feel the resistance at this spot here,” he rutted in and you gasped, “Like that… depends on where you are in your cycle could be shallower or more space, but I’m only gonna push in as far as is comfortable for you.”

He had his hand on your cheek as he spoke, “Still feels okay right now?”

You nodded, “Yes. You can go deeper. Wanna feel it.”

Harry groaned softly and pressed his lips to yours. You had to pull your hand away from your clit because his pelvis was taking the place of where your fingers were. When he plunged himself in further you felt a delicious pinch and you panted into his mouth.

“Don’t want to hit your cervix. Usually, it’s not comfortable. I’m getting in there pretty deep, though. You okay?”

“Please… it’s okay.” You did want to feel it. Wanted to have him stuff you full and make you ache and burn and wince in pain. The dildo you used always hit your cervix and you didn’t mind the way it felt. Some days you liked it more than others, depending on how horny you were. And in that moment, you’d never been hornier. You wanted to feel him ruin you.

Harry let out a breathy laugh and pushed himself up so he could look into your eyes, “You want to feel it, honey?”

Nodding your head you felt him spread you apart and fuck into you with one deep rut. Your body bounced upward and you gasped.

He stilled his hips and stayed buried inside of you, his hand on your cheek, “That’s it right there, Y/n. Can’t get it in any further. You like that?”

It was obvious you did. The look on your face told him as much. Your eyes were fluttering and your mouth dropped open as you lifted into him, mushing your clit against his solid pelvis, “Mmm yeah…”

Harry swallowed as he watched your features soften then and scrunch with every thrust. He smoothed his thumb over your bottom lip and you licked at the pad of his digit before you wrapped your lips around it and he was in awe of how filthy you really were when he felt your nails dig into his back.

“S’hurt, honey? At all?”

You moaned around his thumb, your eyes blinking up at him, and nodded before hitching your leg up over his hip to indicate you still wanted more, pushing him in closer with the heel of your foot.

So you wanted it to hurt. At least a little anyway. Harry wasn’t going in hard and he wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until he learned exactly what you liked and what your body needed first. But every time he bottomed out you grunted and sucked on his thumb harder and he was losing it.

“Fuck… you’re so hot, Y/n. Look at you with your lips wrapped around my thumb. You just needed something to suck on, didn’t you? And you feel so good around me. So wet and warm, honey…”

You’d never had a man’s fingers in your mouth. You had no idea what you were doing but when Harry slid his thumb over your bottom lip it just came naturally to you. To pull it into your mouth and it was… god it was taking you over the edge. And he seemed to like it as you swiped your tongue around his skin.

But better yet? His cock. You were so full and it was so incredible to have him like that. The other guy you slept with was fine. But now you’d never want “fine” again. Not after this. Not with the way Harry was pulling himself back and then rocking into you, every plunge better than the last. He didn’t pound into you or try to race to the end. He wanted to make it good for you.

He began to pant deeply, his gasps lined with moans as his thrusts became clumsy and he stilled his hips before pulling his thumb from your mouth, “Let’s get you on top. Okay? Wanna watch you ride me and let you take control. Bet you’re gonna be good at it, aren’t you?” His irises scanned your face as he spoke, his thumb at your cheekbone dragging upward.

“I don’t know? I hope so…” you breathed as he nudged himself upward, deeper, “I do wanna be good for you.”

Harry moaned, “Yeah? You are good for me, honey. My favorite. You don’t even realize how good you are but I’m gonna keep telling you til you believe it. Okay?”

Your eyes were heavy and your body was hot. You nodded and let out a breathy, “Okay…”

“That’s right. Now we’ll have you get on top. Wanna watch my pretty girl get herself off on my cock.”

You felt him slide out of you and you looked down at his long condom-covered dick, coated in your juice. Everything smelled of sex as he dipped down and kissed your mouth before climbing next to you and lying down. He pulled at your hips, bringing you over his lap as you placed your palms on his chest and settled your pussy down at the base of his shaft. You wrapped your palm around him and slid it up and down to feel the rigidness of him. He was so hard and thick it made your mouth water.

With his fingers still at your hips he squeezed gently, “Depending on your angle it’s gonna feel very deep. Sometimes it can ache a little bit because I’ll be tucked up into your cervix,” he moved one hand toward the front of your low tummy, “But you can control how deep I get. Can even tilt your pelvis downward which will give your clit more stimulation. Might make it easier for you to come.”

You looked between your legs as you lifted your hips and rocked forward so you could press your entrance over his cock but then you felt his hand on your chin, directing your sight back to him, “Keep your eyes on me. Want to see your face while you’re pushing me inside of your pretty cunt, okay?”

You nodded and began to push yourself down. He fit inside of you so nicely. All snug and warm, packed inside of your guts. Every inch you took you could feel stretching your wall apart.

Keeping your eyes on his you raised your hips upward and then sunk down further to adjust, letting out a puff of breath as your lips parted until your bum was seated on his lap, his cock stuffing you to the brim.

Harry moaned, “Yes. Good fucking girl,” he made sure to praise you as much as he could because he noted how your eyes lit up every time he did it. Pulling at your hips, he brought your pelvis downward, “This is kind of like the starting position. You only need to grind and rub upward, don’t even have to lift off of me. Just slide in toward my belly button,” he pulled at you, causing you to drag upward on his cock but keeping your clit down against his pelvis, “See? Feels good cause you can keep your clit stimulated this way too. Let’s do this for a bit. Just get used to the motion here and do what feels good.”

It was easier than you thought. Your knees and shins were pressed into the mattress along the sides of Harry’s hips as you slid yourself upward. You’d always imagined it being some crazy acrobatic feat where you sat like a frog and bounced up and down like a pornstar. But this? This you could do. And it felt so intimate. Your palms were pressed into his chest, his hands moved down to your ass as he assisted you along his shaft and then back along to his base.

“Tell me how it feels, honey. The look on your face says you like it but want to make sure…”

You rocked your hips, gripping around him and pulling upward with your eyes on his, “It’s… god… it feels so good, Harry…”

“Feels good for me too. Love this angle,” he moved a hand up to your breasts and palmed at your nipples as you continued fucking yourself on him.

When you’d gotten into the movements and found a rhythm you could hear the wetness coming from your pussy every time you slid up and down his cock.

Harry continued smoothing his hand over your tits, “If you really want to feel me deep, lean back a bit.”

Pushing yourself to sit upright you adjusted your hips and the new angle had him deeper than he was before. You hissed as you swiveled your hips and Harry grunted, running his hand back down to your low tummy, “How’s that feel?”

“It’s kind of achy, but feels really good,” you spoke softly, looking into his eyes as you shifted your pelvis.

“God you’re taking me so well, honey… Look so gorgeous on top of me, pretty tits in my face, fucking yourself on my cock... making yourself feel good.”

Everything felt good. You were sure it was because of Harry. All the nice things he was saying had your head spinning and your heart thrashing.

He knew of course that you didn’t need instructions. You might not have had as much experience as he did but sex was something that came naturally for most. And you were so into it and your innate eroticism was shining through your more reserved demeanor.

Harry began to thrust upward, rocking into you, sticking himself in deep. He had one hand caressing your tits and the other pressed into your tummy. You weren’t sure why he was touching your tummy but when he thrust upward into you sharply you cried out and he pressed harder, “Fuck! You’ve got me so deep inside of you, honey. You wanna feel this?”

You reached your hand down to where his was, your hips writhing over him as he punched himself upward and you gasped when you felt the bulge in your tummy under your palm. He did it again and moaned with you, “Oh my god!”

You could feel his cock pressing through you when you put enough pressure on your tummy with your hand.

“Come here,” Harry wrapped his fingers around the back of your neck and pulled you down, making you tilt toward him and smeared his lips against yours. The angle where you could rub your clit on his pelvis was the best. It felt so good and you began to rock yourself over him with whimpers into his mouth.

Harry smiled into the kiss, “Bet you’ve humped your pillow before. So you know how to do this. Sliding over my cock so perfectly, Y/n.”

You pushed your palms into his chest and rolled down over him, hips pasted to his. Your orgasm was already beginning to build and singe in your body as you nodded.

His hands were on your hips as he let you take control and ride him how you wanted, “I knew it. Already have experience with this position, yeah? You wanna come, honey? You gonna fuck yourself on my cock til you’re seeing stars?”

You moaned and nodded with your lips parted.

“That’s right. You already know what to do. Now hump it like a good girl. Show me how you do it, honey…”

Harry’s words were so sweet and yet filled with filth. You loved the way he spoke to you with such care but he could turn it so dirty in a heartbeat. Likening you riding his cock to humping your pillow somehow just pushed you over the edge. And you definitely saw stars as your face twisted up and you choked out his name, “Haaarrry! Harry! Yes!! Ohhhh…”

Your pulsing insides encased Harry’s cock and he let you take what you needed as he moaned and watched your tits bounce and sway with every rock of your hips until his balls were squeezing tight and his throbbing cock couldn’t resist the way you gripped around him.

You didn’t hear Harry’s grunts or his breathy moans as he pumped into you. You didn’t see his face contort in pleasure as he kept his eyes focused on you, the pretty girl coming on his cock. You didn’t take note of how when he’d fully emptied himself into his condom he was still watching you in awe as you were breathlessly panting over him, still coming around him, milking every last bit of him out into the rubber that separated your wet cunt from his thick shaft.

You didn’t notice any of that until you finally caught your breath and felt your body tremble as you looked down at him and felt his fingertips digging into the meat of your hips and saw his heavy eyes watching you. You were going to apologize about how you forgot to look at him when you were coming but he pulled you down over his chest and held you against himself. You could feel his heart beating in his chest and his lungs filling with air on every inhale.

He smoothed his hand down your back and to your bottom, “You okay?”

You puffed out a laugh against his chest. It was funny because obviously you were more than okay. You’d just come so hard your ears were ringing and your vision had nearly gone black just before. Your entire body was limp and wobbly over him as he caressed your bottom and your back.

“Fuck, honey. You came so hard. Did so good.”

You sighed and smiled to yourself as you pushed your hands into his hair, “I did?”

“Mmm… so good, Y/n. Deserve an award for that one.” He chuckled and you could feel the vibrations in his chest against yours.

Smoothing a hand down to his pec you lifted your head to look at him and laughed, “What kind of an award?”  

Harry slid his hand up to your face, “One of those gold star stickers teachers use. I think I’ve got a pack of them actually. Could put it on your t-shirt so everyone knows how good you are.”

The filthy grin on his face had you giggling, “You do not have a pack of gold stars. Do you?”

His smirk widened, “I do actually. And I know a girl who loves being praised who I can use them all on. Maybe we’ll even get you an ice cream.”

You shook your head with a smile on your face, “What if I want kitten stickers instead?” You teased.

Harry inhaled and turned his gaze to look at the ceiling before looking back at you, “Actually… I think I have kitten stickers.”

You laughed, making Harry laugh with you.

“Okay then. Tomorrow you owe me some kitten stickers and ice cream.” You would be asking him later why he had stickers in the first place.

Harry softly pinched at your bum, a lazy grin on his face, “Your roommate’s not gonna freak out if she comes back and I’m here?”

“Nah. I don’t see why she would. Long as you’re not naked.”

Harry chuckled, “And you don’t mind if I stay here either?”

“I’d like it if you stayed.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

“Good,” you bit your lip and trailed your fingers over the sparrow tattoos at his clavicle as you gazed into his eyes full of affection.

“Then tomorrow you get kitten stickers and ice cream for being such a good girl.”

“And maybe a little bit more of you too? Since I was so good?”

“Just a little bit more is all you want?”

You laughed through your nose, “Okay a lot more of you then.”

“Okay, it’s settled. Kitten stickers, ice cream, and a whole lot of me.”

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[eatingfireflies]

2.2 is coming and if I don't write this now, how can I get jossed later?

This is the moment when I started to wonder if their 2.0 conversation was a role play.

Like, we know this issue is a sore point for Ratio. The fact that this guy he called a loud peacock in 2.0 made a joke about his failure to get into the Genius Society and all he said was 'I was being sarcastic'?? Babe, is something wrong? You barely touched your sharp and witty comeback.

(Btw I checked both Cn and Jp, he says 'It was just a joke.')

And I don't want to bring up the voice acting because the way voices sound is subjective and what I hear might not be what you hear, but the Double Indemnity scenes with Ratio are probably the most relaxed we ever see Aventurine ever. (I'm talking about the Cn version, but I played in Jp audio and I could hear it there too.) He's playful and his voice is higher pitched, so different from what we've seen of him so far.

It sounds like Ratio and Aventurine have known each other longer than they want us to believe in their 2.0 convo.

I mean, the implication here is Ratio did some research on Aventurine's background recently and that's how he found out about Aventurine's past. So we make the assumption that they haven't been working together for long.

Look, they even did a Penacony remix of their Final Victor conversation

But honestly, you'd think Ratio would have figured out if he trusted Aventurine or not at this point, considering he came back for more after Final Victor (lmao??)

Also, we know Aventurine had been planning for Penacony since his call to Topaz, where he asked for her help. It's hard to believe that he went through all the trouble of asking two different Stonehearts to lend him their cornerstones and then went to Penacony and the Dreamscape with Ratio, whom he barely knows. That's too much gambling, Aventurine!

We know the Family won't let anyone from the IPC to enter the Dreamscape and Aventurine only gets a pass because of the Watchmaker's invite

But Himeko is wrong here: Aventurine didn't go inside the Dreamscape alone and he does have someone backing him up. It just happened that almost no one else saw Ratio in Penacony and the one scene where we did see him talking to Aventurine was 2.0, where he got angry and left Aventurine babbling to himself.

But now that we're here, what did Ratio do in Penacony aside from bicker and betray?

His initial job is to gather intel, afaik. Aventurine tells him to go look into things in 2.0 before he left. And he does give Aventurine updates in 2.1 (Aventurine finds out about Firefly from Ratio) so good for you, professor!

Ratio is Aventurine's connection to his colleagues outside. Once Aventurine's plans enter the Dead phase, Ratio is the only one left to tell Topaz and Jade if the plan had been a success or not. (Aventurine also makes a joke about the Genius from the Council of the Mundanites offering to be his undertaker. In the Jp version, he says 'So the Genius from the Council of the Mundanites wants to claim my corpse? What an honour.' So there's also that... Uh. Idk how dead dead Aventurine really is, but at least we know someone's looking after his body while he's gone lmao??)

But also he's Aventurine's bait to Sunday, the (fake) weak link in Aventurine's plans that Sunday thought he could exploit.

And the 3rd one is a bit complicated, because it is a gamble. Remember Aventurine's E1? Prisoner's Dilemma? Yeah, it's kinda like that. I talked about it before, but let's copy paste it here for easier reading (and because this post totally needs to be a wall of text)

Let's zoom out a bit again and remember that Aventurine was sent to Penacony because Diamond thinks this whole affair could still have a peaceful resolution. Meaning: Aventurine is the kind option. The IPC could have sent Opal instead, but it sounds like that means there would be a body count.

And I think that's why Ratio is here and why he agreed to cooperate. Because if Aventurine's plan works out, only Aventurine's life will ever be in real danger. (And we know from Ratio's note that he also took steps to increase the chances of Aventurine coming back.)

Ratio being there is important to the plan because

Him being from the Intelligentsia Guild removes some of the heat from the Family. If Ratio is coming in as a plus one, the IPC (in this case, I'm assuming it's Aventurine because he's the guy in charge of the operation) chose the best person for the job. It makes the Family happier knowing there are not two IPC envoys walking around the Dreamscape and Aventurine has a buddy who can move around more freely than another IPC employee could

But because Ratio is an outsider, he's also the weak link in Aventurine's plans. Another IPC employee will probably not betray Aventurine, but the Guild has no particular horse in this race. We were also led to believe from their 2.0 conversation that Ratio doesn't like Aventurine very much. This is what I meant when I said Ratio is a bait: Aventurine was pretty much dangling him in front of Sunday, making Sunday think he could use Ratio to ruin Aventurine's plans. The important thing of course is the trust the two of them have for each other (yay, Prisoner's Dilemma). Ratio could ruin Aventurine's plan if he wants to (very bad for all involved because I'm guessing Opal is the next step) and Aventurine could fail (not as bad for everyone involved after 2.1 because the IPC has already won regardless. There's still a Phase 2 in Aventurine's plan and Ratio seems to want him back after that, so I guess he'd consider it a failure if Aventurine doesn't return?), but trusting each other means they win.

Tl;dr Ratio's presence in Penacony is a bit of a gamble on Aventurine's part but it worked well for him so far. Ratio is here to make sure everyone stays alive. (And maybe the Phase Flame? I honestly don't know if the Annihilation Gang will ever come back again, but for now I'm going with the obvious and assuming Ratio is here because he thinks Aventurine's plan will work and work with the least amount of pain for everyone.)

Thank you for getting this far. Why do we think they deserve Oscars?

Aside from the movie references (we'll get to that), we have 3 different instances where Aventurine mentions acting / the 'script'.

The most direct is the conversation with future!Aventurine in the garden maze: future!Aventurine praises Ratio's acting while Aventurine says 'Or he might not be acting at all' (the inability of these two to admit they are friends, but more importantly they don't think the other person thinks highly of them, is2g).

The next one is hidden in the mission description

And the other one got lost in translation. This was translated to 'You catch on quickly' in En. In Jp he says something like 'You have a good sense for drama, professor' (Sorry Idk what this is in the og Cn)

Finally, Double Indemnity. I haven't seen the movie, but it seems to be about an insurance salesman who gets seduced by a hot wife femme fatale into helping her get rid of her husband so she could claim his insurance. Double Indemnity refers to this clause where the insurance gets doubled if the person suddenly dies of an accident.

I've thought about this so hard, let me tell you. What could this possibly have to do with Aventurine and the mission? (For example, 'Hot wife Sunday seduces Ratio the insurance salesman into helping him get rid of Aventurine' etc.) And I honestly still don't know but one detail does help my theory so I'm pulling it out:

The relationship between the insurance salesman and the hot wife femme fatale was known only to the two of them. To the insurance claims adjuster, who was investigating the case and trying to prove the husband's death wasn't an accident, those two are unrelated people who might have seen each other once or twice. The claims adjuster suspected the wife, but had no idea of the insurance salesman's involvement. The truth is, they actually knew each other a full year before the plan was set in motion. Hey, doesn't it actually fit nicely now?

(Spellbound otoh, I still don't know. I have a Sunday and Gallagher reading of it, but Hvy keeps telling me no and making it gay instead so Idk.)

#honkai star rail #dr ratio #aventurine #d metas #ratiorine #this meta is written by a ratiorine and i can't take my shipping goggles off fully sorry if that bothers you

[joydoesathing]

what would happen if anatolii knew about this. What was Nacho thinking just running away was he that different compared to now

*cracks knuckles*

hoooooo boy, get ready cuz i got a whole character arc below

(again this is just my take on the story, so it's highly headcanonned)

"I'm sorry for running away. I'll make sure to make it up to you and your mother..."

nacho was more reckless back in his former years when he was first having a fling with frances. but when he did get her pregnant, he realized that he messed big time. realized that not only he's got a child on the way but has no means to provide for them both and isn't personally ready for big commitments like being a father or even getting married. why would he be? he was barely even 20. he never really thought that far ahead.

he didn't want to ask his parents for help. they'd definitely kill him if they figured out he got this girl they never met pregnant. he didn't also have the guts to tell frances the bad news.

his buddies at the time, who were just as reckless and short-sighted as he was, recommended that he could just... leave all that complicated and deep mess with frances behind him. just run away.

i mean he could do it. like him, frances probably wouldn't turn and complain to her parents first for help (for the same reason nacho wouldn't turn to his own parents for help) . his parents doesn't even know they had a fling together. even if she will become desperate enough to find them and try to turn to them for help, would they even accept her? let alone believe her?

"you wouldn't get in trouble. there's no one else that knows about it than you two."

" i mean, i'm sure she'll figure out something. she should know at least the basics."

that's what his buddies kept on assuring him. but even he could see that just up and deserting frances like that is just straight up cruel.

but was he in any room to still complain? it's not as if he had the resources nor the strong will to commit and face the heavy consequences of his actions.

and with that, he ran off but wracked with the small feeling of guilt.

while he tried having his new start, that feeling of guilt just grew bigger and bigger and started eating away at his conscience. he kept on trying to deny and delude himself with the words of his buddies, but it did nothing to stop that guilt completely.

it made him finally see that he's nothing more than a dirty dog running with its tail between its legs. a jerk and a coward. he had a feeling that he was going to have his comeuppance and it wasn't going to be pretty.

and so it did, a year and a half after he ran. his partner, depressed and completely driven to madness , tracked him down and almost murdered him in a psychotic rage.

he was forced to see the result of his cowardice and neglect. he didn't blame frances for doing that. who wouldn't go mad if they've been abandoned by someone who thought they could trust?

after she was stopped, he decided not to press charges on frances , although that didn't stop her from still getting institutionalized. being incapable to care for her child, nacho finally decided to man up and take his and frances' child up as his own and take raise him.

he knew that it's such a scummy thing to do. to just NOW take up the responsibility when everything was blown out of proportion. but he decided to not run away now, just because of that. his son needed a parent more than anything else now.

as he went on raising anatolii, he felt that he had absolutely nothing to be praised for. unknowing people says: "you're such a strong man, raising a son all by yourself."

he just did what he should have done from the start. right now, he takes care of his son wholeheartedly as an act of repentance, for both frances and anatolii. to show that he's truly sorry for being the coward he is.

for now, nacho is keeping the truth the whole mess between him and frances well-kept from anatolii. the only thing that anatolii does know about his mom is that she's alive but never drops by to visit due to some "personal problems and conflicts". but nacho always assures him that his mother loves him no matter what.

#ask stuff #that's not my neighbor #genderbend #nacha mikaelys #why so much character development ? #not sure either #who says that nice people can't be flat out scumbags before #anastacha mikaelys #francis mosses

[tojiscursedtool]

SFW Headcanons for what Jujutsu High Student!R would buy or make everyone for Christmas. Was thinking R would be like the 12th son of some rich family that gets hidden away at Jujutsu High 'cause they think he's too weird (and therefore a perfect fit at the school :P), and he wants to thank them for being his "better family".

⸝⸝ ꒰ HC’s 🌑ㆍ₊⊹

Note ~ 🫶 Sorry I took long with this one.

MENTIONS — SFW,

Yuuji, Nobara, and Megumi.

Yuuji isn’t that much of a complicated person, he probably wouldn’t want much but you know he’s a little bit of a nerd when it comes to comics, manga and anime. Christmas was soon and you wanted to get him something special, a gift of appreciation! You wanted to at least get him something he likes, something nice, and you thought getting him a figure of his favorite character from a show he watched would be perfect! — you bought him the gift and handed it to him on Christmas, you expressed your thanks and how grateful you were for him and his presence, for being a younger sibling that you’ve never had before, he was happy by the gift but more about your words, his friendship meant a lot to him and you..he gave you a tight hug as he thanked and told you how he would always be there for you.

Nobara..oh dear. You knew she was an expensive gal especially since she basically went shopping anytime she could..you would occasionally join her on a shopping spree which she LOVED since you always knew the best places to go to! You thanked about maybe getting her some expensive perfumes since she loved nice scented things, so you thought Dior perfume would be good enough for her, of course the cost of the gift wasn’t a problem at all. — once you got it you gave it to her, you could tell she instantly loved it by the way her eyes lit up and she smiled, she clapped her hands together and thanked you for the gift and how she knew it was expensive you told her it wasn’t an issue at all and you just wanted to get her something to appreciate how she treated you as a friend and somewhat like family than some outcast or annoyance. Nobara gave you a tight hug as she said how much she loved you as friend and you meant a lot to her, gifts aside she was grateful for you.

Megumi wasn’t much of a materialistic person, you were unsure on what to get him. You thought back on what he would like but nothing came up..but then something..clicked! You were going to take him out to eat to an expensive restaurant of course the treat was on you, he wasn’t really a fan of Materialistic things. But you knew he liked food so you didn’t see a problem with taking him out to eat! — as you took him out you talked to him, telling him thank you for everything and for listening to your troubles as well as for being there for you whenever you needed it. He was like a missing part of you that you felt like you needed, you appreciated him so much and his company, you loved him like a brother, he was a really nice guy. Megumi doesn’t really smiled but he smiled right when you started speaking, responding with how he doesn’t mind and he’s glad it’s impacting you in a positive way.

Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko.

You knew Satoru didn’t really need anything considering he basically had a lot of things but still felt like you needed to get him something. Probably a new outfit? Most likely something expensive too knowing Satoru’s taste in clothing.. — you got him a really nice outfit, a casual but expensive one. You tried giving it to him but he was out on a mission, you wrote a note leaving it in the bag with the rest of his clothes telling him how great he was doing even though he took on a shit ton of missions, and that you wanted to thank him for being a great friend, on how funny and unserious he was, you appreciated when he was at times when you told him certain things going on in your life he actually gave great advice and was a good listener.

Shoko was also a simple girl who loved to hang out with you and catch up on her smoke break with you, she would talk with you about her day and other things as well, you liked her company you found her funny and caring. She offered you a hit but you declined since you didn’t smoke, you weren’t trying to get into that and she understood of course so she wouldn’t smoke that much around you. Shoko liked doing her makeup and making herself look pretty, so of course you knew what to get her. — you got her an expensive kit of makeup that had many lipsticks, shadows, powders, etc, you gave it to her the next time you guys hung out which was on Christmas, she told you that you didn’t need to buy her such an expensive gift, you explained to her why you did what you did, why you bought her all of the stuff you did. She was one of the people who genuinely sat there and listened to you and how you wish you weren’t hidden away at Jujutsu High and how you liked her and her time with her. You appreciated the hang outs and long talks you guys would have, she gladly accepted the gift and even offered to do your makeup as a silly little joke.

Suguru’s favorite food was Zaru Soba, you guys usually went to go get some occasionally but haven’t really been hanging out much since he’s been busy with a lot of things. You felt bad for him that one of you great friends were being drained and tired out by missions so around Christmas time you had a plan to take him out to get some Zaru Soba. — As you took him out you had a long talk with him about how he took on too many missions by himself and how he was tiring himself, you were worried about him. Suguru ranted to you about his missions and such explaining how tiring it was to be a sorcerer, you told him just to relax and enjoy the day with you since this was the least you could do, you wanted to relieve some of his stress and it worked! He thanked you for the day out with him and the food, you told him not to worry about it and that you would always help out someone you viewed as family to you, you explained you were thankful for him and just wanted him to be okay.

Kento Nanami

Nanami was a simple man, he didn’t really seem like the type to ask for anything but knowing how he always wanted to be on time to things and was an organized man you planned on getting him an expensive watch, when he was free he would usually hang out with you and give you lots of advice and tips on things you talked about or just stuff in general. You felt like he deserved something for how he treated you, he was a nice man and a great tip giver. — you got him a Patek Philipee Nautilus. It was an extremely expensive watch but also was a good one, it matches his uniform when he goes out to work and his other outfits, at first he tried to refuse the gift but you insisted for him to keep it, as for thanks of his time and helpful advice, for helping you with things you couldn’t get done by yourself.

Yuki

Yuki is an out going girl! She usually picks you up with her motorcycle when you two make plans to hang out, you wanted to get her a new one in replace for her current one. You felt like she should have a more flashier and newer one than the one she has now. She would always try to get your type to see if she could find you anyone to be with she felt bad that you’ve never dated anyone before..you could care less for dating so she eventually gave up but still hung out with you, she would tell you all about what she’s been up too and other things in general. — you got her a brand new motorcycle at first she was surprised you got her something so.. expensive? She told you she appreciated it a lot and she’d be sure to take care of it giving you a big hug, you loved how caring she was especially when you would give her stuff she would be very grateful and appreciative.

#jjk #jjk x male reader #male!reader #jujutsu kaisen #x reader #nanami kento #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #nobara kugisaki #yuki jjk #jjk headcanons #jjk x reader #jjk x you #sfw headcanons #headcanon #sfw #fluff #jjk fluff #itadori fluff #x male reader #x male y/n #male reader #hc

[rainbowsky]

This is not a question, but a reflection. With this BF story, I thought a lot. And I think that as French, I don't have the same point of view. I was especially shocked by these words: “he must be educated”. France has a deep colonial past. and I thought: "we must educate these ignorant Chinese? but who are we to think that we are better and superior? we who today have so much hatred for them?" Each country has its point of view depending on his history. no need to respond if you don't want to. And thank you for your always respectful and thoughtful publications.

This is in reference to a previous post.

Bonjour lyndariell, j'espère que tu vas bien. ☺️

This is a perfect example of what I was saying about this being a very complex issue with a lot of different perspectives and angles.

In order to make sense of and come to terms with this issue we each need to find the right balance between upholding our own values and respecting the values of others. That's bound to be a tricky process because we're each coming from a different region, with different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives on the world.

Each of us will have a different degree of empathy and alignment toward one or more of the various stakeholders in the situation as well, based on our own experiences, interests and values.

In other words, it's complicated.

It is true that for some people, hearing so many white Westerners say that a Chinese man half a world away 'needs to be educated' on any topic might legitimately feel distasteful and wrong. There is this Western conceit that our values and way of life are superior and obviously correct, and that other nations are just 'behind us' in heading toward the same goals*.

*Although the same is also true going East to West.

It would be totally understandable if some people were to reject the Westerners' characterization of this issue and say that the choices that led to blackface being used in this film are not our choices to make. After all, the filmmakers are telling a Chinese story to a Chinese audience, and they know best how to go about that.

Fair enough. But...

Speaking of colonialism

While we're on the topic of colonialism shouldn't we also be talking about China and its role as a neocolonial power in Africa? As I said in my previous post, it's not really fair for us to look at things solely from our own perspective and in the context of the cultural environment we are in rather than considering the cultural environment this film was made in.

Have you heard of the Belt and Road Initiative? Actually you don't need to answer that question, because almost every turtle has definitely heard of it. GG sang a beautiful song in celebration of that initiative not that long ago, complete with a video highlighting some of the major projects involved.

I didn't post that video on my blog, but you can watch it here. All the bridges, trains and other infrastructure you can see in the video are projects from the Belt and Road Initiative; China investing across Asia, Africa and other regions to improve transport and trade (and to build on China's power globally).

I'm no @potteresque-ire, so I'm not going to break it all down in a meticulous, intelligent, well-cited masterpiece, but you can learn a bit more about it here. There are also countless online articles, papers, analyses, critiques, accolades, etc. from every possible angle out there if you want to dig deeper.

Some of the core strategy of the initiative involves proposing massive infrastructure projects in poor regions, loaning them the money to make the projects happen (loans in the billions), and stipulating that the contracts must be completed by Chinese companies. Resulting in countries with shiny new railways and hospitals built and paid for by the Chinese government and Chinese corporations, with these countries massively in debt to China for many decades to come and with deep trade ties to China.

Depending on who you ask, Belt and Road is either an exploitative, environmentally disastrous neocolonialist power/resource grab, or it's an innovative unifying effort to improve the lives and trade of its member nations.

I personally feel its a bit of both.

Whichever it is, it does have a very dark side. There have been many stories coming out of these regions, telling about slave-like working conditions and horrific abuse from the Chinese contractors toward their African workers. I made the mistake of researching this and let me just say that what I've seen cannot be unseen. There is a reason people make snide jokes about the "belt" in Belt and Road.

And that's just the Belt and Road Initiative. There are a lot of other Chinese individuals and companies going into regions across Africa to take advantage of the people and resources for their own monetary gain. I posted about one such example the other day.

So in considering imperialistic attitudes it's only fair to reflect on what it might mean for a Chinese person to wear an African ethnicity like a costume, in a country that is frequently racist toward Africans and which is thought by many to be exploiting African nations with a form of neocolonialist debt slavery.

Particularly when said costume leads to a massive increase in the amount of racist posts on Chinese social media, and with a tone of raucous mockery and disdain.

We should consider the impact of this film on Chinese attitudes toward Africa and Africans. Based on what I've seen on Weibo, in various articles and on international social media it seems like there is a strong colonialist 'white savior' narrative coming out of this film; glorifying China as swooping in and saving these helpless Africans.

Taken alongside the horrible racism of Chinese audience reactions to the blackface, I don't think looking at it through 'the other lens' gives us a prettier picture.

If the primary category of people who are not offended by this tends to be audiences who are reacting with racist mockery, then a deeper reflection needs to happen.

All that aside, DD isn't working in a vacuum. He has been actively cultivating an international audience and working closely with international brands. He doesn't have the luxury of ignoring Western values if he wants to continue down that path.

And let's not forget that the culture he's so enamoured of is black American culture. If he loves Western hip hop culture so much it would behoove him to better understand and support the people at the root of that culture. The people who literally made it possible for him to find and enjoy that culture.

DD is a good person at heart. I feel that participation in cultural harm is beneath his dignity, and not something he'd consciously choose to do if he had a better understanding of the impacts.

When it comes to culture clash and differences in values it's also important to remember that while everyone is free to make their own choices about what they say and do, so too is everyone else free to make their own choices about how to respond to what that person says and does.

DD is a massive star, so his behavior and choices go far beyond his own cultural environment. It's inevitable that some people are going to have different takes on it all.

And I don't feel like people are telling DD what to do, so much as they're talking about what he needs to do in order to maintain their support. They're drawing out the boundaries of what they deem acceptable as fans. From there everyone has their own choices to make, including DD.

My own position

Here's the thing: I've come under loud, vehement fire from black fans for not taking a strong enough stand on this issue, while some other fans feel I'm being too hard on DD. Now you're saying I should consider the colonialist angle and reflect on whether it's even appropriate for me to think DD has anything to learn.

I can only ever be myself, and speak and act from my own values. I will always think for myself and take my own positions, no matter how unpopular they are and no matter how harshly people attack me for it (and they have).

I am capable of holding multiple conflicting perspectives in my heart and feeling compassion for them all.

I empathize with black people who ***for fuck's sake!!*** have been so thoroughly fucked over on every level and in every possible way by people around them who just don't get it about racism. Who just don't get how deep and broad and far-reaching it is and about how soul-destroying it is to live in a world where this shit is normalized.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to be a black fan who loves DD and then see him in blackface, and then watch all the fans try to gloss over it as though it doesn't matter.

I empathize with Chinese fans who are in most cases probably not at all ill-intended, whose reactions came honestly even if they were jarring to Western fans, and who have mostly found this story and its telling both exciting and moving.

I empathize with diaspora fans who are having to deal with a whole bunch of sanctimonious lectures about who DD should be and what he should think, say and do.

I empathize with the filmmakers, who after all were probably just trying to give an accurate retelling of something that actually happened in real life.

I empathize with DD, who was likely doing what was requested of him and probably didn't realize that it would turn out to be so controversial or negatively impact so many people.

Anyone who can say with a straight face that they think DD would ever intentionally or knowingly do something that would be this controversial or that would be hurtful to so many of his fans can KMA. That's not the kind of person DD is at all.

Blackface is a huge deal here in the West, and even people in this region are constantly getting it wrong. How can we expect people in regions where it's not traditionally been a big deal to do better than people here who are steeped in awareness*?

*And before anyone says that cultural relativism is such that only people in the West really think blackface is wrong, why not try talking to some of the African fans who've been deeply upset by this?

This is what it is to live in the world. Life is complex, and people are messy. Like I said before; nothing is black and white. Everything is a million shades and hues. As much as people will try to oversimplify the issue and try to intimidate us into taking 'their side', or try to punish and attack us for not doing so, we can only ever live by our own conscience.

No matter how much pressure I come under to condemn one of the individuals or groups I listed above, I will refuse to do so. My conscience tells me to be compassionate and understanding to all of them, and that everyone is always doing their best.

I hope and believe that our differing opinions can coexist. We can disagree and still be friends, as long as we remain open to accepting one another, and as long as we respect each other's right to our own conscience and values.

Merci pour cet échange d'idées intéressant. 💛.

#your political disengagement is a weapon against you #ggdd controversies #ask

[lamardeuse]

This is not a Wendy's, and my story is not your burger.

A note up front: the following does not refer to the serious issues of racism, anti-Blackness and white supremacy in fandom spaces, which deserves a much more nuanced discussion than a ridiculous food metaphor could ever hope to express. This is a general discussion of fandom standards around tagging and warnings.

Over the three – now nearly four – decades that I've been in fandom, I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot of foolishness, and a metric fuckton of toxicity, and even some good faith, honest debates about how we should conduct ourselves as we move through fannish spaces and interact with one another. So from the start, let me explain that this is not the old lady crabbing at the kids. None of this is particularly new, and fandom culture ebbs and flows. Heigh-ho, nonny nonny, the wheels roll on.

That said, we need to have a talk. Because some people may not be as experienced as the rest of us, and need to understand some fundamental truths about fandom that they may not have picked up, because no one reads Fanlore from top to bottom for fun. That's not inherently a concern. We all learn from one another – I've learned so much from younger people in fandom, particularly here on tumblr – but there are occasions when younger fans could also benefit from some knowledge flowing the other way.

First, fandom is vast. It was huge when I started in the Dark Ages, and it's increased exponentially in the last fifteen to twenty years, since “geek culture” has gone mainstream. That widening of the circle – and more importantly, the naked commercialization of it by media giants who smell our money like vampires in a blood bank – is both a blessing and a curse, because on the one hand, more people who love a thing means more love for everyone! On the other hand, though, I think it's unmoored us in some senses from the fundamental truth that fandom is unhinged, joyful obsession, the fulfilment of a need for communication, creative expression and connection, and most importantly – community.

Yes, fandom is – or should be, at its best – a community first and foremost. And just like any community, it's filled with individuals who form groups, subgroups and cliques. And none of those groups have ever, in the over half a century since the first Star Trek fan made Kirk and Spock fuck, agreed upon one single, overarching view of what 'community' means. Which means the minute you as a fan come striding up to another fan's little electronic nest on the AO3 or Youtube or tumblr demanding that standard X be applied to their fannish creation in the name of 'fandom courtesy' or 'fandom etiquette'? All the old ladies (gn) in fandom realize that you are desperately, painfully new*.

Does that mean that we shouldn't strive to be a community? Of course not. But I would argue that the single and only “rule” of that community is that we make an effort to treat each other, first and foremost, with kindness and grace, and the understanding that the person you are interacting with is not you. They're not even one of the fifty-two people you interact with on Discord who all agree to the same “rules of fandom” (newsflash: they probably don't). And if you come into their fannish space as a stranger demanding they cater to you, you are probably going to be in for a shock.

Commercialization complicates this issue, because I think one element that's new is that some of us have lost sight of the fact – or never learned – that fans do not place their creations in front of you like a server handing you a bag at a fast food drive thru window. They are not producing a commodity to be consumed for which you paid hard earned money that entitles you to certain rights, such as the right to complain if you ordered a burger with mayo and received mustard instead. You would certainly have a right to demand compensation if you're allergic to mustard and had to go to the hospital as a result.

Fandom is more like a potluck, a gigantic potluck with literally millions of dishes. At some tables, there are agreed upon warnings for certain allergens, but others are not required to be mentioned and if you have an allergy, you will need to ask directly. At some tables, you are told that there may be allergens in any of the dishes and you proceed to eat them at your own risk. That risk and your assessment of it is, for better or worse, entirely your responsibility to manage. And your preferences – level of spice, aversion to certain textures and flavours – those are not allergies and there is no prior agreed upon standard to break down every possible element of a dish so that you will always be able to avoid any contact with the foods you personally don't like. There never has been, and there never will be.

The only thing you can be certain of is that on every single table, there are dishes that people have created for you for free with love, effort, experience and care. If you walk up to that table and take a bite and then politely turn down any more, that's fine. If you take a bite, spit it out and loudly tell that person that is not what you were expecting, you wouldn't have tried it if you'd known what it tasted like, and you are appalled that this person did not inform you of every single ingredient before you tried it? You, my friend, are not going to be welcome at the potluck.

Fandom is not a Wendy's. The stories, songs, costumes, artwork, edits that we put out into the world are not mass produced burgers made in a giant factory and shipped to restaurants where you can rest assured that the burger you eat in London will taste the same as the one in Dubuque. And no, the time you invested in reading a fic, watching a vid or contemplating a piece of artwork posted freely on the internet is not something you have the right to demand a refund on either, because again, fandom is not a fast food restaurant, and our interactions with one another in fannish spaces are not transactions. Every creation you choose to put in front of your eyeballs took that person time and energy, and they are putting that out in the world to make a connection with other human beings.

The next time you leave a comment, choose connection. It's easier than you think.

(*I'm going on good faith here and presuming most people who do this are relatively new to fandom. I'm not counting the people who think it's fine and dandy to hurl abuse at strangers for not obeying their standards – those people should be blocked and excluded on sight. I sincerely hope that they get help for the demons that are chasing them and telling them this is an acceptable way to live.)

#fandom #meta

[ceilingfan5]

Time loop rules, tools, and considerations

What makes a time loop tick? What makes a time loop a prison? What makes a time loop a mystery that can be solved? 

Does this puzzle inherently have a solution? Is there an element of doom, or optimism? 

What is the time frame, time limit, time constraint, time allowance? 

Is there always an end? What will trigger that conclusion? 

How do we escape the time loop? 

Is it possible to escape the time loop unscathed? 

How powerful is the risk? What are the hard limits?

What changes things? What changes things with any sense of permanence?

Change + resistance + passion + logic are needed. 

Passion in the form of love will make a difference, but not alone. 

Alone we will not escape the time loop.  

Objecting to social rule vs following the rules to the letter–"the rules" are not the rules as written, or necessarily vice versa.

Acting force + passive rules + change + motive– what is gained and what is lost? 

Alone you will not escape the time loop.

Others have skills we cannot see. Others have loves and tragedies we cannot see.

Time passes. But it also loops. How? Why? Nothing is without cost. Being stuck changes things. There is a price. Forces are mysterious but not without the potential to be understood…and misunderstood.

The familiar is not reliable.

The familiar is comforting but not progressive.

Comfort is unreliable, even untrustworthy. This does not mean it is without power or safety. 

That which is accepted as understood should be challenged.

Outside observers can see shortcuts we cannot. Shortcuts are not always safe or helpful, but should be accounted for. 

Accepting things as written or stated does not necessarily progress things.

Some things cannot be changed.

Some things cannot be changed easily. 

People will participate in things even if they are not directly “Motivated” to. Internal motivations are more complicated than they seem. External motivators are powerful but not reliable. Fun is not a write-off.  Neither is tragedy or impatience.

Habit is powerful. 

Accepting things as they are and following the rules is habit.  

Habit should be questioned especially when it does not serve us.

Loneliness is a habit.

Alone we will not escape the time loop. 

What if something changed the game? 

How powerfully can something change the game?

We are all cast in roles. By whom, by what? To what end? What can we affect from our position? How can we see our role without observing from the outside?

What do we see vs not see?

What corruption has occured? 

Who is watching? Why? To what extent? What must be obscured to preserve the audience? 

What weighs on our challengers whether seen or unseen? 

Clues must be gathered–active participants will escape the time loop. Passive participants ARE the timeloop. 

Alone we will not escape the time loop. 

Changing things is not without cost.

Humor is not without effect.

That which imprisons us is not necessarily unfamiliar.

Capitalism is a time loop. Work is a time loop. Struggle is a time loop. Time without passion and the means to apply it is a time loop. We must be the arbiters of our own time and make a difference to see that things have progressed.

Change is not without cost. Cost is not inherently negative. 

Change is not without an element of gamble, risk.

But risk without any potential of change is wasteful. 

Control is an illusion; how we manifest control should be weighed against how it affects others and ourselves. 

The comedy of our predicament is not known or unknown but rather measured out to achieve the desired effect. 

Even our most uncomfortable moments are dealt by and with powers beyond our own. 

The framing is invisible, and must be considered. 

We are never unobserved. 

We are part of something larger with or without our consent and participation. We can make a difference or not make a difference. Our choices are powerful. How are they used?

Why?

The status quo preserves itself. Its temptation is powerful. The familiar is comforting but not progressive. We must move forward.

Alone, we will not escape the time loop. 

#time loops #deja vu

[emilybahu]

Just a culmination of thoughts I had and moments I liked during 7x06:

This ended up being MUCH longer than an expected, I just kept adding things to it! So you totally don’t need read the whole thing just skim through if you want…

1. Maddie about a minute away from a panic attack, but still looking stunning✨

2. Hen looks like she’s gonna go all angry mom mode on Buck and Eddie, who are looking ROUGH… she gives them a look that should put the fear of god into anyone!

3. You know, I just wanted them to have one major milestone that didn’t involve one or both of them being in danger, but NOOOO! We don’t even know where Chimney is and Buck and Eddie are a complete hit mess! Evan “✨it’s complicated✨” Buckley.

4. Oh my god I love Buck and Eddie and their shared brain cell so much! Their bickering is hilarious! Buck slapping Eddie’s hand away from the sliders and later Eddie saying, “reach for them and you’ll be pulling back a bloody stump!” 🤣🤣🤣

5. RAVI WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DO YOU WANT TO DIE!? 🤣

6. “Wholesome 80s themed karaoke” and Eddie proposing that he and Buck go as Crockett and Tubbs.

7. I kinda figured Chimney wouldn’t show seeing as HE DIDN’T WANT A PARTY. Then everyone leaves and it’s JUST Buck and Eddie, because of course!

8. And back to Buck and Tommy again… Tommy has to go and put out a LITERAL fire and we get a second Buck/Tommy hug in the span of like 3 minutes! I’m getting FED they are so cute and soft, and Tommy really doesn’t want to leave but has no choice… the soft hug and “be safe” I’m sorry my heart is melting! 🫠❤️

9. Buck and Eddie are just having A TIME with all these random people, and of course being the touch starved boys they are, you get a little (a lot) of alcohol in em they obviously need to have physical contact at all times! 🤣

10. Drunk Buck being like “we don’t have a key🥺” and Drunk Eddie “you don’t need a key,” (hand on shoulder, thumb on pulse point) “we’re fire fighters👨‍🚒😈” continues to kick in the door!

11. CHAOS ENTERS THE BUILDING, I couldn’t stop laughing! Honestly I didn’t realize Buck and Eddie could party this hard! Buck wakes up on the floor, Eddie’s in the bath tub (a shirt? What’s that? Never heard of it) and Chimney is FUCKING NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! 😬

12. Cut to Maddie desperately trying to get ahold of Chimney and track him down, but he’s somewhere in his car dazed, confused and clearly UNWELL! And his car gets freaking stolen!

13. The dinner celebrating Kevin’s life 🥲

14. Gosh dang it, everyone in the room together worried about Chimney, god my heart! I hope they find him soon!

15. Maddie showing up at the dispatch center in her wedding dress! The woman means business! SHE GONNA FIND HER MAN!

16. Doug, DOUG!? What are you doing torturing Chimney in his subconscious!? No one wants you here!

17. Seeing Maddie’s reaction to Chimney in this state is heartbreaking! She just wants to make sure he’s ok, but he’s clearly not!😢

18. Bruh, we keep getting jump scared by Doug, I’m so DONE with that guy!

19. Time jump to two weeks earlier… “telling Buck ‘no’ is like telling a dog not to jump your leg” just more proof that Buck is a man with the soul of a golden retriever puppy…🤣

20. Bobby saying “well evidently our two love birds over there were enjoying some sexy time, when they heard some weeping” had me wheezing! 😂

21. When they figured out what was wrong with Chimney I got so scared, even though I knew he’d likely be fine. Never know what might happen though…

22. When Chimney’s paramedic skills kicked back in it gave me hope, then he saw Doug again… and still didn’t remember that he’s actually a paramedic.

23. He knows he needs to be somewhere and he hears Buck calling for him, Chimney knows they’re looking for him, then freaking Doug makes him almost give up fighting! 🥲

24. NO DOUG🙄 MADDIE DIDN’T FUCKING LIKE BEING ABUSED!

25. KEVIN🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 Kevin telling Chimney he NEEDS to get up and get help!

26. Maddie in the hospital with Chimney, thinking he doesn’t remember her then him saying “I’m sorry I missed our wedding” GOD MY HEART!

27. Jee running in yelling “daddy!” 🥹

28. “We always get back to each other somehow” please! My heart can’t handle this! They’re meant to be!!🥹😭

29. “I know Kevin is smiling right now” “yeah he is” I can’t breathe! I’m shocked I didn’t cry!

30. Just the whole ceremony, Bobby officiating! Everyone so happy for them together after this day they’ve had! I’m just gonna melt into a puddle of pure emotion! 🥹🥺

31. I love them. I love them! I LOVE THEM!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

32. Buck looking down at his phone to see that Tommy told him he’s there 🤭🤭

33. I made a whole post about this kiss, ahhhhhh!! (My reaction remains the same every time I watch it, I lose control of my limbs, my voice gets all high and squeaky, and I lose the ability to form actual words) The damn 10 second scene still has me SHOOK! 😆🫨

34. Buck pulling Tommy into the room, Tommy apologizing for missing the ceremony and Chimney looking up at him and over to Buck and saying “Thanks tommy, looks like you were… busy” (I didn’t even think about how long Buck was gone before, but since they had time to cut and serve cake to everyone Buck had to be just in another world with Tommy for at least 20 minutes…)

35. Hen’s face when she realizes that Buck and Tommy totally were just making out! And Eddie being the supportive king of a bff that the is!

36. The Buckley parents faces… I’ll be ready to throw hands in a second if they say something homophobic later on!

37. Hen saying “well it’s about damn time” to Karen!! Ahhhhhh! Girlllll!!! Are telling me you could see Buck’s raging bisexuality THE WHOLE TIME!? 😆😆😆😆 She so CLOCKED HIM!

38. Chimney feels right at home anywhere if he and Maddie are together!! ❤️🫠🥹

39. Not them mentioning the cruise ship!! Too soon, too soon! 🫠 But I also laughed!😂

40. “So, were Buck and Tommy a thing before my amnesia?” “Um yeah, actually they were.” (Still trying to figure out how much time there was between the coffee date and the wedding… I have no clue. [Please can someone tell me!?])

41. “Why do they call me Chimney?” And cut to black…. Really, REALLY!? That was cruel, so rude. They’re never gonna tell us why they call him Chimney are they?

And that’s the end!

#911 abc #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #maddie buckley #chimney han #hen wilson #madney wedding #911 7x06 #911 spoilers #just my thoughts

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Does Ming actually have a crush on Tong?

This second episode shows us a lot of Ming's life and it puts things in different perspectives. We see what kind of relationship he has with his mother and with his sister May. The more I watch and the more I understand, the more I ask mysef if he really has a crush on Tong or if he's "just" lonely.

We haven't seen any other friends of Ming, so I assume he only has Tong but that means he has to share Tong with his sister and maybe that's the problem. Tong doesn't always have time for Ming, he cannot always be there and Ming knows that but still keeps on asking while trying to not cross a line. Ming is lonely and wishes for the days to pass by and time moves faster when he's with Tong. But as soon as Tong leaves, the emptiness Ming seems to feel eats him up and I think this emptiness is still there even if Tong is with him. Because Ming doesn't look too happy and he barely smiles at Tong. Ming is forcing himself and I feel Tong is the person keeping Ming from isolating himself and maybe even keeping him alive. So I believe Ming doesn't even have a crush on Tong.

In the first episode and the beginning of this second one, we still see Ming trying to see Tong in Joe. Last week, Ming kissed Joe's back and didn't see his face in order to pretend he is Tong. This week there is a sex scene in a men's bathroom and Joe kisses Ming's body and we can see Ming watching him in the mirror. We cannot see Joe's face, therefor he could be Tong. A bit later we see Joe complain or noticing that Ming is always taking him from behind, another way to pretend Joe is Tong.

It's why Ming rejects and insults Joe because he doesn't want to have feeings for Joe since it would mean he betrays his "crush" on Tong. But he still gets heavily jealous and after hearing Joe talk so fondly of him and spending the day with his sister, Ming decides to let Joe in. And he's immediatly different than he's with Tong. The feelings for Joe are real and not a fantasy and Joe actually makes him feel less lonely even at the times he's not around. When Tong leaves, Ming feels empty, when Joe leaves, there are lingering feelings. We can see it in the way he smiles but he still has to sort things with Tong. It's too complicated to just brush away.

We can see how truly unhappy Ming is and how much he doesn't like nor understand himself since he projects his insecurities about himself on Joe and becomes extremely jealous of Sol. "If I hadn't been here last night, I guess you would've used the condom." The way I gasped. It's so insulting and accusations like this after seeing Sol bring Joe home because he's drunk clearly come from a place of deep insecurity about himself. Nevertheless it's a huge red flag because even if he doesn't like himself, his behavior is not justifiable.

I think the reason why Ming likes Joe in the first place roots in his relationship with his mother. He is a closeted gay man who cannot please his mother and who needs to pretend when he's at home. As soon as he's home, his mother sets him up with some random girl he once saw in his life but doesn't care about. And I think it's the way Joe just accepts him the way he is that makes Ming feel so welcomed. He teels Joe not to talk about what's going on with them.... and Joe agrees. He want to apologize by cooking....and Joe is grateful. He pushes Joe away....and Joe talks about him as his boyfriend. I feel like Joe's sheer acceptance touches Ming's heart, so he takes a step towards Joe because Joe doesn't back off and is not afraid of what it would mean in the future.

But the thing is, when Joe talks about Ming with Sol, he mentions feeling lonely, so I guess Ming thinks spending more time with Joe would make Joe feel less lonely. Ming is doing the same he does with Tong, forcing himself and the other person in ordner to numb the emptiness instead of properly adressing the issue. And Joe being Joe, he naïvely agrees to move in with Ming because he likes Ming but Ming also hurts him because he doesn't like himself. This is going to be some "don't love someone else before you like yourself" because loving someone doesn't mean you will eventually love yourself. This other person loves things about you, you don't like and it's not going to make anyone feel better. Ming is breaking Joe's self-esteem and Joe is someone who doesn't notice the signs until it's too late. He scarily reminds me of myself in my first relationship. I didn't notice it until I lost weight and sleep. I hope someone will tell Joe and I hope Sol stays around to support Joe (but hopefully there's no weird love triangle, I would hate that).

Still, I can already feel some red flags here. Ming is very possessive and obsessive. Whenever he has time, he goes to Joe but that can be overwhelming sooner or later. He's immediatly jealous, he makes Joe feel lonely and he's pushing the relationship. I can already see some falling apart here.

But I absoluty love how Up plays Ming. He says mean things with such a blank face, it's funny. It's the way his voice doesn't waver like Ming means it 100% and sounds so unbothered saying it.

My theory for the upcoming episodes is that Tong is the antagonist plotting something and maybe outing them in public. I get a lot of "lovely writer" vibes with the way the story is progressing. Ming being the closeted one who doesn't want anyone to know. Tong knows about Ming's crush and feels threatened by Joe who seems to change Ming. Something like that.

#my stand in #up poompat #poom phuripan #this show is too good #the ep ended and i was here like “well shit i need to write about this” #it's ep 2 and i already have so.much to say #my stand in the series

[marvelmythic]

So I'm currently working on a little Bucky x reader fic with roommate!Bucky and I've been talking about it to @buckymorelikefuckme (and she is literally such a gem for listening to me ramble about this shit for weeks when it's not even done haha) but I wanted to share a little snip from it because I'm just super excited 😅 So without further ado...

A few months later, the apartment was starting to feel much more like home to both of you. Together you’d gone to a furniture store and picked out a comfortable sofa with enough room for both of you to stretch out. You picked up some dishes at a thrift shop, carefully choosing the mismatched pieces so they felt intentional and eclectic rather than cobbled together like a college student with no money. You didn’t need anything fancy, but it would be nice to stop using paper plates, especially for spaghetti nights and Saturday morning pancakes. A small wooden bookshelf you’d stumbled across at the flea market now sat next to the TV and held a small collection of used paperbacks.  Since you’d moved in, you’d been saving for a proper mattress. The bedframe was a vintage wooden piece you’d gotten for a steal, but the mattress itself was luxuriously comfortable and the back pain you’d been living with since you’d returned from The Blip had vanished almost immediately. After listening to you rave about how comfortable it was, Bucky caved and got one too. The look on his face the next morning and the lack of dark circles under his eyes told you everything you needed to know and you bit back a smile. After the nightmare, physical affection had become normal between you. Bucky, who clearly hadn’t experienced much gentle, affectionate touch since the 1940s, melted into your hugs. Your movie nights now featured cuddles on the plush sofa and a couple of times, accidental naps on warm afternoons. It was the happiest either of you could remember being in a long time, but being so close to Bucky wasn’t doing a damn thing to lessen the massive crush you had on him. It wasn’t easy to put aside your feelings for the man who had become your best friend, but you did your best and went on a series of mostly unsuccessful first dates. It was hard not to compare every guy to Bucky, and none of them measured up. To make matters even more complicated, he would wait up for you whenever you went out in the evenings to make sure you returned home safe. You’d told him several times that he didn’t need to do that—despite the fact that you absolutely loved it—but he wouldn’t hear it. “You think I’m not going to make sure my best girl gets home safe?” he asked incredulously after you’d once told him not to wait up. You’d rolled your eyes at that and tried to suppress a smile, but you could still feel the butterflies when you thought about him calling you his best girl.

Soooo yeah I hope y'all like this little excerpt! I'm so excited to share this fic. It's extremely personal to me and I hope people will enjoy it too!

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #tfatws bucky #tfatws bucky barnes

[the-knight-of-destiny]

On Fantasy High, Redemption, and Agency (General Spoilers for Junior Year, sort of?) Also this post about FHJY is long as fuck, as all of mine are getting. In short it's my understanding of how Brennan Lee Mulligan sets up the teenage villains of Fantasy High.

Fair warning, this is LOOOONG below the cut.

Y'know when I said I wasn't going to talk about Ratgrinder discourse? I lied.

So Brennan as a DM has a very specific narrative language for how a villain is 'redeemable' and it primarily has to do with the level of agency a villain has in their actions. This isn't particularly hard to notice when you look at our very own (and fan favorite) reformed villain squad.

Starting with Ragh, while he was in his right mind for most of his villainy in Freshman Year, he really didn't do too much other than beat people up and be a bully? While he worked with Daybreak on some level, he wasn't anything more than muscle and not very in on most of the plans. There was also some implication of grooming and manipulation from Daybreak to Ragh.

Zayn as an example also helps build this thesis, while he also hasn't done a TON evil he's generally a bit more discerning than Ragh. However he builds the understanding of how Fantasy High looks at it's redeemed teenage villains, when Zayn is found as a ghost he explicitly calls out Daybreak as being the only reason he's still housed, were he not to go along with the Freshman Year scheme he'd have been sent back to his abusive parents, the foster system, or homeless as like, a fifteen year old boy.

But the actual silver bullet to understanding this is Aelwyn, to preface. Aelwyn fucking sucks in freshman year, way worse than Ragh or Zayn. She's also responsible for way worse than any other teenage villain in the series. She's arguably committed worse than Dayne Blayde or Penelope Everpetal, but there's an important component to her redemption in Sophmore Year, something Brennan has her stay conscious despite making death saves to explain.

In tears Aelwyn notes that Kalina was actively threatening to kill her had she not complied with the Kalvaxus plan.

So there's a running theme here, Ragh didn't seem to have much of an idea of what the wider plan even was and was just muscle, Zayn was under significant threat to his personal safety (and unbeknownst to him, also under threat of death, a threat that actually gets carried out), and Aelwyn was literally convinced she'd be murdered for not complying.

This tracks with the teen villains who DON'T get redeemed by the way, Dayne had no qualms about casually murdering his classmates with a great sword, Penelope didn't seem to mind the idea of throwing her best friend Kalvaxus for a power play. They both get killed because they don't seem to really care what happened, were fully complicit, and had no form of remorse at all.

This leaves us with our code to cracking if Brennan sees the Ratgrinders as possibly worthy of redemption (IMO, signs point to yes, but it's complicated.) We know the Ratgrinders are being manipulated heavily by Porter (I have so many more thoughts about Jace's place in this but that's for a whole other post,) however they don't have Ragh's excuse of being mostly in the dark.

Kipperlilly and Oisin for sure know exactly what's going on, and the rest (sans Buddy) probably do too. The actual question is how much does Ankarna rage affect one's reasoning, and the thing that's interesting about how the Ratgrinders have been set up is that question is sincerely ambiguous.

Signs point to the corruption needing some sort of genuine anger or frustration to latch onto, but this is my first hot take here. This isn't really that damning? Pre-Rage Kipperlilly said some concerning things, in private confidential counseling. She (at the time) understood her fixation on Riz was a problem and perhaps not fair. Oisin probably was mildly frustrated or saddened a girl he had a crush on didn't notice him, but to cast Pre-Rage Oisin as a full on Biz Glitterdew incel is, in my opinion, unlikely. Ruben was already seeking attention but wasn't anything worse than a mildly annoying teenage boy, etc.

These aren't exactly 'good' feelings but they are pretty normal for 14-15 year olds. Pre-Rage Ratgrinders really aren't that much worse than Pre-Character Development Bad Kids, let's not forget that they too definitely act out in really mean, unfair ways at around the same time as Pre-Rage Ratgrinders (Fig and Fabian, most notably.)

As for agency though, they clearly have a bit more of it than previous teenage villains, and are a bit more aware of their actions. They're not under direct threat of violence like Aelwyn or Zayn (though the way Porter and Jace act around them may make that threat implicit.) and they don't have Ragh's excuse of being seemingly largely in the dark.

The Ratgrinders I feel are an intentional test for the Bad Kids (and the Intrepid Heroes as players) because they're significantly more antagonistic than previous teenage villains. Heck, even ones that turned out totally evil. Dayne's kinda chill to the Bad Kids initially, Penelope is a bit backhanded but she isn't outright mean. If you count him, even Johnny Spells humors Riz and is relatively lax to him. Ragh's honestly way more harsh for most of the first half of Freshman Year, Zayn's initially more rude and confrontational to them too.

That said they're both being influenced by a much worse adult (Like everyone in the Reformed Villain Squad) and have a rage god clouding their judgement to an unknown degree. If we follow previously established patterns, they're salvageable by the story's own logic.

The test is for the party, it's easy to forgive Zayn when he openly cries and apologizes immediately when finally confronted about his place in the villain plot, it's easier to forgive Aelwyn when she openly puts herself in harm's way and almost dies to save Adaine.

It's going to be harder, emotionally, for both the player characters and the players themselves to forgive the Ratgrinders and recognize they're also victims in some sense when the Ratgrinders have been actively fucking with the Bad Kids for the whole season, and taking an obvious amount of satisfaction in it.

The challenge Brennan has set up for the party, I feel, is a test of their character. Fighting a possibly ascended god Porter is gonna be a lot easier without a whole other party of enemies in the fight (and even much easier if you can convince some to fight alongside you as a part of heroes.)

#fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fhjy meta #dimension 20 #rat grinders #brennan lee mulligan #i just think there is a good discussion about the line between us as viewers and the players at the table to be had #like we haven't been immersing ourselves AS characters getting toyed with by the ratgrinders for over 20 hours of playtime #the reason they seemed to want to recruit mary ann was because shes funny and hasnt actively antagonized anyone #there's something to be said about how PC morality towards NPCs often stems from how fun the NPC is for the player to interact with #like the bad kids hated kipperlilly and treated her terribly way before she did anything mean or evil to them #mostly just because they thought she was annoying this is how npc treatment goes in most dnd campaigns d20 or not

[marsprincess889]

Why I don't use nakshatras in D9 (navamsa)

And why you should not either.

We all know the basic traits of zodiac signs, their archetypes and how symmetrical and cool they look. Nakshatras are constellations(lunar mansions) WITHIN the zodiac signs, actual points/stars in the sky that have mythologies and associations attributed to them, affirmed by the observable patterns of their natives.

D9/navamsa is chart that shows in which division each planet falls in, and those divisions are each sign divided by nine, making each nakshatra consist of 4 those(known as padas).

Now, each pada has a zodiac sign attributed to it. So, planets in in the same nakshatra but in different padas have different(minor, but still different) effects. For example, my venus is in Gemini(punarvasu) in the Gemini pada, making it vargottama(same sign and pada), thus strengthening it.

So, the placements of the planets in signs of D9 aren't their placements in the actual conatellations in which they sit, and in no way hold the same weight. Nakshatras are already divions within signs, which are larger than padas. There are no nakshatras in D9 because you cannot pretend that 4 degrees(approx.) Are 30 and divide the divisions further 😭

Obviously, I have not said that padas/D9 have no effect, they do, but signs in D9 are not the same as signs in D1. Signs in D9 are more hypothetical and cannot be interpreted the same way that signs in D1 can.

Hope I explainted it clearly and in a way that helps you understand.

If you guys use nakshatras in D9 I genuinely need to know why and hear your reasons. So, please interact.

PS: I've noticed there's an unnecessarily big emphasis being placed on navamsa online. I assume it's because some sources say it's the chart of your "future spouse"(as in, you can know all about them from it). I think another reason is that people(young people esp.) look at astrology as an entertainment and a tool, while still taking it VERY seriously. Guys, it's not that serious. These are just patterns that yes, you should have fun with but don't you think we(not me, lol) put a lot of pressure on ourselves and others by overanalyzing? We don't need to complicate things or try to fit our lives to what our charts/astrologers say. Astrology should fit YOU, not the other way around.

And if you feel like what popular astrologers say about nakshatras/placements/aspects does not resonate with you, there's no need to look for divisional charts or additional information to justify this or that in a person's life. Look at what's obvious, simple and important, like a moon nakshatra, and know that you've discovered/observed something new about it. We all need originality 🙂

I have not seen anyone associate Bharani with Rapunzel, but it felt so real and true to me and I knew it in my heart that there was a connection. When I posted that article other Bharani natives(and ppl with important points in Bharani) told me how they too relate to that story and how much it means to them. Thaf made me so happy. That's what astrology and observations should be about 🤍

#vedic astrology #astrology #nakshatras #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #astro notes #astrology tumblr #ask #astrology community

[sunshinechay]

One thought I had during the entirety of ep2 is just how clear it is to everyone but the two of them that Ming is SUPER into Joe and not just because he looks like Tong from behind.

Joe is sweet and loving and accepting of Ming’s rough edges from the hop (which is a yikes considering how many red flags Ming proudly carries around with but I digress) and it’s everything that Ming wants but is too in his own way to fully understand that he wants it.

He’s liked a boy for a long time, a boy that at some point became his sister’s boyfriend and thus even more off limits than before. Which is further complicated by Tong’s attempt at very turn to use Ming’s feelings to get what he wants. Tong knows what Ming likes him but actively doesn’t care and will use Ming to get what he wants.

Ming is selfish in a way that I think even confused Ming himself. He’ll stop at nothing to get what he wants but at the same time, never seems to know what he wants. He wants to be with the boy he likes but cannot tell that what he needs is to get out of his own way and realize that his relationship with Tong is actively hurting him and will continue to hurt him in the future if he keeps going the way he’s going.

He’s emotionally stunted and is more willing to continue to desire someone he cannot have rather than recognize his growing attachment to Joe and the warm and good feelings Joe gives him.

Ming feels the pathological need self sabotage at every turn and in turn bring down everyone around him. He refuses to face his own feelings and instead decides to make it everyone else’s problem, especially Joe’s.

Yet because of Joe, Ming does something truly unselfish for the first time in the series. He doesn’t storm into Joe and Sol’s conversation and instead leaves. He leaves and goes to Joe’s place and at least attempts to cook a meal for him. Yes this attempt at being unselfish is immediately followed up with an extremely selfish request of one sided exclusivity on Joe’s part but the beginnings of Ming’s true feelings are peaking through.

It’s a tiny small thing but it proves that Ming isn’t truly and completely horrible. He is however selfish and arrogant and needs to be knocked down a peg or 2 or 12 before he can truly realize himself.

It’s a preview of Ming’s redemption. It’s proof that Ming is genuinely starting to like Joe, even if he has a long way to go before he is truly worthy of Joe.

#my stand in #my stand in the series #my stand in meta #joeming #mingjoe #finally watched the episode last night #and the last scene really stuck with me #ming is a toxic little bitch with a long path to redemption ahead of him #and i love him so much #cap watches my stand in #cal writes meta…? #cap speaks

[i-am-baechu]

Summary: Everything was perfect until it wasn’t. Y/N and Jungkook love each other but when familiar and new faces come into their lives, things get complicated. On top of that, a surprise that truly shakes their plans for the future. Will their relationship push forward or will Jungkook lose his fangirl once and for all?

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Epilogue

→ Genre: Idol au, established relationships, girl group stan au, social media au, K-pop fan page au, romance, angst, comedy, and smut

→ Main pairing: Idol! Jungkook x Fan girl! Reader 

→ Side ships: Yoongi x OC & Jin x OC

→ Warnings: Explicit language, smut, mature themes, alcohol usage, anxiety disorder, stalking, and obsessive behavior

Author's note: I can’t believe this is the ending of the story! Don’t worry there's going to be an after story with the drabbles and the final book but for now...here's the last chapter! 

⇜ Masterlist ⇝

“Solo?”

Jungkook turned toward Y/N and nodded his head, “We’re not disbanding, just taking a hiatus and focusing on our solo careers.” 

After a long meeting, Jungkook was excited to come home to his fiancée. It was a long meeting discussing the future of everyone. Everyone agreed they wanted to do their own music and Jungkook wanted to focus more on Y/N. It would be the first real break he had with her and his music can wait. 

Y/N nodded her head and placed her hand on top of his, “Are you okay with it?”

“Of course I am. I get to spend so much time with my fiancée.” 

She smiled shyly at this and gently rubbed his knuckles with her thumb, “fiancée..it still hasn’t set in.” 

“Babe, it’s been two months already.” 

She shrugged her shoulders and glanced at a sleeping Bam, “I’m really getting married...that’s crazy to say.” She looked back at him with a smile, “I bet Mae is happy about this. Yoongi gets to spend time with-” Just then Bam jumped up on the couch and nuzzled into Y/N.

Jungkook glared and shook his head, “Always trying to steal my girl. It’s not fair.”

“We're engaged, Jungkook.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Bam will always find a way.” 

Mae turned around in the bed and smiled at Yoongi who was already looking at her. He pushed some hair back and kissed her forehead, “How are you feeling?” 

Mae let out a small chuckle and nuzzled into her pillow some more, “I feel like my pussy got ripped in half but other than that good.”

Yoongi let out a laugh and kissed her hairline, “Thank you for giving me everything I didn’t know I wanted.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his chest, “Thank you for making me want kids.” 

Just then a small cry echoed from the baby monitor and Mae groaned. Yoongi patted her waist and pushed the covers off, “I’ll get him. Ye-Joon probably just needs his diapers changed.” 

Mae nodded her head and smiled at her, “Okay, daddy.”

Yoongi glared at her and shook his head, “Don’t start with that shit.” 

“Wait, come here real quick.”

Yoongi thought something was wrong and quickly made his way back to her. She smirked and brought him in for a quick kiss making his eyes go wide. When they pulled away she put her forehead on his, “I love you so much, Min Yoongi.” 

“I love you, Mae Rodriguez.”

The cry echoed longer and she let out a small laugh, “Go get our son before he breaks our eardrums.” 

“I’ll get our son.” Yoongi walked towards his bedroom but he turned back to Mae and his heart fluttered. He shook his head with a small laugh escaping his lips and he closed the door gently. 

Eunbi opened her door and she raised her eyebrow at what she saw, “Namjoon? Why are you here?” 

Namjoon sighed and pulled out a card from his jacket, “Jin wanted me to give you this.” 

Eunbi tilted her head and nodded her head, “This isn’t going to kill me, right?”

“Why would your boyfriend want to kill you?”

“Right...” She opened the card and a smile appeared, Go to the park! She looked at Namjoon with a curious look, “Do you know about this?”

“I never know what Jin wants to do.”

“You can come in and get a snack if you want.” 

Namjoon shook his head and brought his jacket to him, “I’m alright. I’d rather not be here when you guys have sex.” 

Eunbi’s face turned red and furrowed her eyebrows, “Yah! Don’t say that so loud. My neighbors are old.”

“Lucky, at least they don’t have to hear anything.” 

After kicking Namjoon out, Eunbi took her away to the park next to her apartment. She was dressed in her pajamas which consisted of sweats and one of Jin’s shirts. She pulled her beanie down more when she felt the wind touching her face. She rolled her eyes at herself, she should’ve put a jacket on. She walked further down and she stopped in her tracks to see Jin with a bouquet of roses and balloons. She raised her eyebrow and let out a small laugh, “What’s going on?” 

He pulled down his mask and gave her a smile, “Happy three months.” 

She looked up at him and felt her heart beating faster, “That’s tomorrow?” 

“I know...I couldn’t wait to see you.” 

She let out a laugh and walked closer to her as he did the same. She looked up at him as he stared back down with heart eyes, “All this for out three months?” 

“Just wait and see our first anniversary.” 

“You're already planning that? We just started dating...” 

He shrugged his shoulders and bent down placing a quick kiss on her lips. She jumped at the sudden contact but she closed her eyes to kiss back. When they pulled away and he smiled at her, “I have so much planned for us. I told you, I saw my future with you.”

“All those rom-coms couldn’t prepare me for this.” 

He let out a laugh and glanced at her apartment, “I’ll cook you something. To celebrate tonight and tomorrow I’ll take you out to this fancy restaurant.” 

“You treat me right.”

“Of course my duchess.” 

Jungkook closed the door and saw Y/N on her phone on their bed. He smiled at this and took off his shirt, tossing it aside. She glanced up from her phone and smiled, “Is Bam sleeping?”

“Yeah, I was wondering...when was the last time we fucked?” 

Y/N straighten her back against the headboard, “I-I...maybe two weeks.” 

He glanced at her with a smirk, “That’s a long time. Wanna change that?” 

“I think it would be romantic to have one last night in this house before moving.” 

Jungkook moved towards her and was hovering over her, “That’s right. We’re moving. Isn’t that exciting?”

She felt goosebumps appear when she felt his fingers against her thigh, “I-It’s very exciting-” She wanted to speak but he kissed her making her forget everything. She ran her hands along his arms and then over his shoulders to steady herself. She played with his locks because they pulled away. Jungkook touched her like she was glass and she couldn’t stop her heart beating, “I love you so much.” 

He brushed his lips over her next and her breathing started to get uneven. She felt her body heat up as she enjoyed his kisses. He took any fabric that was covering her body and she couldn’t help but look away from that smile he always has when he sees her like this. He started to trailed his lips down to her neck and then her collarbone as he gazed up. His eyes were a darker shade of brown and she knew what it meant. She knew what his eyes told her, this was her fiancé after all. He continued to leave kisses on her skin until he reached between her thighs. His hot breath against her cold skin sent shivers. He wrapped his arms around her thighs keeping her close to his face, his fiancée was shy, especially with this action. 

She held onto his brown strands as she felt her body move against him. Each kiss and lick made her back arch in a way that made the air in the room thicker. She could feel a few strands of sweat coming down as her legs trembled under his touch. His tongue was always enough for her. Moments later, the trembling increased as his tongue rushed in. 

He leaned over and kissed, his lips always felt soft and always filled with love. She placed her hand on his cheek and rubbed his cheek gently, “You always make me feel good.” 

“You make me feel good. Physically and emotionally. Always make me feel loved, my wife.” 

He hugged her body close to his and she was surprised by the action but she understood. After everything they've been through, this moment was more than a declaration of love. It was a declaration of a better future. She let her nails gently scratch his skin and he left kisses against his shoulder. She moaned out his name as he moved in and out of her. It was intimate, so intimate. He placed his temple against her and they made eye contact, “You are so perfect...perfect for me. My Y/N.” 

She felt her heart swell up at this and she had to stop herself from crying. This man was her everything and she couldn’t believe that this man was all hers. Forever and ever. She pushed some hair away from his sweaty forehead and gave him a shy smile, “I love you Jeon Jeongguk.” 

He smiled and kissed her as she wrapped her arms around his neck to bring him closer. She felt herself tighten and the familiar tremble came over, “Come, love.” 

She tilted her head and moaned out his name as she came inside of her. Both eyes met and she could see the love pouring out, “Are you ready for the future?”

“If you're in it, I’m ready for anything.” 

Somewhere in Florida....

He glanced down at the news article on his phone and let out a scoff, “She’s getting married to him?” 

The woman in front of him nodded her head, “A lot of people support them but there's a small group that doesn’t like it.” 

He tossed his phone on the dinner table and glanced out to the waves, “What do you want me to do about it?” 

“Every bride needs her father...go visit her.” 

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Tag List:

@agustdpeach @mdavt @aloverga @drissteele @xngelsau

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts jungkook #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts yoongi #bts x reader #bts hosoek #Bts #bts social media au #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #his fan girl

[mako-neexu]

i still can't let go of what aoko had just said but its really interesting.

"Summoning magic is highly complicated but you're still able to easily wield it."

"The stronger your familiar, the more stressful it could be to your physical and mental stamina as well as your sense of self - your very identity as a person - to the point of being weakened." (<-this and it could be tl'ed as consumption and can be two different things so if its the latter, that would be terrifying to interpret)

Another thing aoko said is that being able to handle Summoning and even maintaining Servants requires a heart that is light just as it is heavy. With that heart, you are resistant to desires - greed that stems from your own familiars.

this piece of information is shared before they introduce each other as well as Chaldea's objectives etc, aoko doesn't know guda uses Chaldea-style summoning compared to what is normally used in GWs so it could be different... but i think it really is in general and in an emotional-based handling of that kind of magic.

Normal GW compared to Chaldea is in terms of the burden of mana iirc. The latter uses equipment and tech but a Master can simply be the 'anchor' for the familiars meanwhile normal GW all falls onto the Master and having their own methods to procure mana from surroundings and other lifeforms.

Moreover, in terms of mentality and your sense of self, it makes sense. As "You" are connected to your own "Force of Providence", and only a force greater than you, aside from you - connected to you - can possibly change it. In the face of Heroic Spirits that not just anyone can summon, having lived their lives already and are fighting alongside their Master, its been proven in all the stories that a lot of their "fates" have been irreversibly changed.

In a way you could look at it as identity consumption (exhaustion?) = influence of a Servant. The 'you' now could be replaced because you met that Servant...

prime example in my brain is Waver met Iskandar. He had inferiority complex and was always doubting- and along the way he trusted him and gained a bond that changed his life forever. Shirou's case depends on the route... but he can let go of his seigi no mikata mindset - something that is just extremely rooted into his being ever since kiritsugu's GW which is impossible to imagine but it happens anyways.

So Guda's ability to be able to handle Servants is a feat in and of itself. Summoning magic - being able to control Heroic Spirits themselves - is considered extraordinary to a mage as amazing as Aoko and Alice. Their sense of self as a person to remain themselves is just really strong as we see throughout the very start of FGO to now that there have been a lot of temptations and forces that could irreversibly change Guda. There's been people who have had impacts in their life that can't be denied and even with such an influence, they continue to be themselves.

If the heart is to heavy or if the heart is too light, you can easily be influenced by that which connects you to practically on a spiritual level. Depending on the relationship, i guess you could say it could be mutualism or parasitism.

You need to have that kind of mentality where you are neither subservient nor domineering, too stubborn nor too docile- just the amount of light and dark perfectly balanced in your heart.

...That's just so impossible... But guda exists anyways. A very ordinary human that is so unremarkable that they're extremely unique at the same time. (Are you sure you're human????)

#fgo #guda #[pukes and dies] nasu stop dropping lore on events #especially in an existing work i barely know yet!!! #well im reading mahoyo rn but the guda thoughts possessed me #fujimaru ritsuka #fate series #fate grand order

[blarshwritezz]

PPHI AGAIN its yours truly the anon with the ungodly amount of typos ken i just ask like a fic wuth the spy reader x mafia boss but its just the mafia boss in denial about his feelings for the reader? and funny interactions of the reader's mom and the mafia boss (she doesn't know about the reador or the mafia boss's occupation so they just hide it by saying their co workers in a normal office job and the reader gets called a mama's bou by the oc ty again)

typos hmm.. yummy😋😋😋

🦀

How cute!

Yandere Mafia Boss x Spy Reader p3

M yan x M reader

TW - general yandere behavior

Part 1 - Part 2

"And who's this handsome young man, sweetie? Your new boyfriend?" Your mom asked, pinching his cheek. If only she knew this man was one of the most dangerous in the country.

But it was a pretty complicated question. What was he exactly? You couldn't exactly tell her he was holding you hostage. That would only worry her. But you couldn't confidently say he was your boyfriend as he might get angry. You've asked him what you were before, but his answer was vague and he quickly changed the subject.

"Well um, he's my-"

"Business partner." He cut you off. Even in front of your mother his cold and menacing aura didn't waver, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Sure. Purely business. I totally believe that." She winked and chuckled a bit, letting go of your cheek. "Well don't just stand there. You two come in, get comfortable. I'll bring in some water."

Your mother left to the kitchen, letting you two sit down. He kept an arm around you possessively, trapping you between him and the arm of the sofa.

You were actually rather shocked that he agreed to let you come here. According to him, the less people were looking for you the better. But it almost seemed like he had some other motive.

Almost.

Because he did. He had to grow close to your family and find out what they were like. Not because he wanted them to be his in-laws, of course not! Just so he knew what kind of leverage he had against you.

"Alright darlin's, here's some water!" Your mom re-entered the room, seething down three glasses of iced water. One for you, him, and herself. "Now tell me, what's going on with my baby? You never call anymore!"

"There's been an important project at work. We've hardly gotten any free time." He covered for you. It wasn't surprising how he could easily come up with these things. He was able to lie so easily.

"Oh sweetie, please tell me you've been taking care of yourself."

"Don't worry ma'am. Your son is being very well taken care of."

Did he have to sound so sexy saying that?! There was no need for him to make it sound like the two of you were shaking up. Well, you were, but your mom didn't need to know that!

"Now sweetie, why isn't this kind man your husband yet?"

"Ma!" You exclaimed at your mother's sudden question, your face turning beet red. You could have sworn you saw a small smile and a light dusting of pink over his cheeks, but he stayed composed.

That was just the beginning of the night. It was filled with laughter, joy, and your mom embarrassing you more times than you could count. You swear she was doing it on purpose!

But you really did love nights like this. Nights when you could just forget time was passing and relax. Have a good, home-cooked meal and share time with the closest people to you.

"You know," He spoke, placing a hand on your thigh as he drove the two of you home. "you're such a mama's boy."

You let out a small chuckle and looked out the window, met with darkness broken by old streetlights. "Yeah...I guess I am."

Feels like it's been too long since I've written something SFW, thank you 🦀 anon 😭

#blarsh writes #yandere #yandere x reader #x reader #male yandere #anon ask #yandere x you #male x reader #yandere x darling #male yandere x reader #x male reader #male reader #male x male