#yes they kind of suck and may be evil maybe but. they’re also kids. kids who lost a friend

[mccoyquialisms]

oh. oh no. are the rat grinders acting so cagey about lucy because they have lied to themselves about what actually happened to her with the devil’s honey? is that why ivy and the others have been so goddamn weird about it? why they didn’t look for her?

oh god…does it ever wear off? what happens when it does?

#I don’t know if I totally believe this but even if it’s just a couple of them it’s happening to #good god that would be so sad #did they even get to mourn their friend properly? #yes they kind of suck and may be evil maybe but. they’re also kids. kids who lost a friend #at the ripe old age of 16 #I think they still deserve to mourn her #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #dropout #my musings

[nerdy-simp-7120]

hi! if you're comfortable writing this, could i ask for a scenario? this has been in the back of my head for a while.

what would be the reaction of the brothers + dateables of watching mc play resident evil in the dimitrescu castle? who would be down bad the most

thank you! feel free to ignore this if you don't want to write this ofc

I love this ask (stan tall vampire lady). The only thing is that I accidentally turned it into a “how they feel about the game.” I managed to add in some parts with MC playing as well to make up for it

Update: I literally finished the request yesterday but my wifi went down and I lost everything  😩 😩

I also wrote this in the middle of the night so sorry if there are any errors! Enjoy!

Warnings: cursing.

How the OM! characters would react to you playing Resident Evil (Dimitrescu Castle edition)

Lucifer

Will not care at first

"I hold no interest in such trivial simulations."

His weakness? Being a simp for you.

He decides to look into the game a bit more in private later on.

Will lowkey practice the game

If you ever catch him playing it, do not say anything because he will stop immediately, deny everything, and might not ever do it again

With time, however, Lucifer will come to master the game.

Here comes the showing off.

When you're rambling about the game with Levi, Lucifer will join the conversation and you two will be like "wow, boomer knows something for once--"

Or when you're struggling on a part of the game he will be like, "hand it over"

Before expertly getting through that part.

Can defeat Lady Dimitrescu if you ask him to but be careful cause he might make you beg

sadistic bastard

or you can be a badass and show him your skills

Will be a tad shocked at how easily you handled it but won't let it show (okay Elsa)

Also proud though

Lucifer's internal monologue: “That’s right- show them how it’s done, Y/n.”

Mammon

Scared.

Will watch you play and cover his eyes during every battle

"wHAT IS THAT?!" at everything you come across

I hope you're good at playing one-handed because you'll have to use the other hand to hold his throughout the entire thing

Admires you're bravery but would never admit it

"You were horrible! ...N-nice job beating the game, not that I c-care or anything. You sucked anyways!"

Not even 10 seconds later...

"Can I watch you play again?"

Comes to find that the faces you make are adorable: when you're concentrating on a battle, when you win, find a valuable item, etc

He loves being able to see how you're feeling up close.

If you catch him staring when you take a break or something he'll blush and either ask you if you have a staring problem or that you have something on your face

He may or may not buy cheap merch (a tiny key chain of Lady Dimitrescu or your favorite character) for you, all the while spewing lame excuses

Please bear with him- he's trying.

Leviathan

"YOU ALSO LIKE RESIDENT DEVIL?!?? Ah! I-I mean..."

Congrats, you just found yourself someone to discuss the game with

Is open to cosplay the characters with you

You two will have competitions to see who can beat the game faster.

You both also share theories with each other all the time

Or simply discuss the characters together

He purposefully stays quiet to hear you ramble on and on- dude finds it adorable

You two also sometimes argue debate over a character name or event in the game

Because while you have Resident Evil

He only knows Resident Devil

This is the equivalent of Devilgram and Instagram

I mean

They’re the same,

But a couple things were altered, y’know, to prevent copyright

So yes, there are definitely a few quarrels here and there

But all in all, it’s a fun gamer bud experience

Don’t tell him I told you but he thinks it’s hot when you show off your badass skills in a boss fight

Satan

He plays it on the lowkey.

Not because he’s embarrassed

But because he partially takes his anger out on the characters

During gory scenes, he imagines it’s him torturing Lucifer, fueling his determination to win

A calculated person, Satan is a smart player

But there are times when he’s particularly angry and he becomes a reckless one, jumping into fights impetuously

This is where you come in and beat the enemy for him

He may get angrier, thinking you are underestimating him

But, for the sake of the person he loves, he calms down knowing you didn’t mean to offend him

A small part in the back of his head also admires you for being able to handle the fight a ton better than he did

Congratulations, you just earned yourself the great Satan’s respect (resident evil-wise).

Asmodeus

“Oh my, I never knew you were into such gory games! Does this mean you’re into blood play, because I know many things about--”

He may look carefree on the outside

But on the inside?

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Holy shit

What the fu--

Jesus christ, can you pull a move like that in real life?

He needs to be careful to not piss you off.

If you can handle this, who knows what you could be capable of?

Hold on.

Wait, you look so concentrated

Eeep! How cute!

Anyways, it ends with him snapping a bunch of pictures 

Keeps them for himself and may brag to his brothers about how he got some “special” shots of you

Obviously never elaborates on what the special part means to keep his dear siblings on edge because, what the hell, they want to know what these special shots are

Would not play the game because there’s “tOo MuCh BlOoDsHeD”

We all know he’s most likely seen his fair share of bloodshed

“What if the adrenaline gives me acne?”

He’s probably just bad at the game--

Verdict: Asmo is a simp and not afraid to flaunt it.

Beel

...Are you okay?

Do you think about homicide--?

Oh, that lady looks nice.

Huh, she’s 9′6″??

What’s her name? Lady Dimitrescu?

Okay-- WAIT WHY IS SHE TURNING INTO THAT??

Not scared, just a tad bit concerned 

Poor Beel, concerned for Lady D :’)

Also, seeing the death’s of Bela, Daniela, and Cassandra hit different

Because he know what it’s like to lose a sibling.

Safe to say he understands Alcina’s pain when she raged about her children being dead.

Also concerned about how the gore could affect you

Because isn’t stuff like this supposed to traumatize humans?

Would support you regardless though

And thinks that you’re really brave for playing the game and still being able to stand strong

On another note, Beel decided to make small flower graves for the three sisters and Alcina because he’s adorable and kind like that

Belphegor

Likes the game but is too lazy to play himself

Regularly watches Satan play (or at least as much as he can before deciding it’s nap time)

I hope you enjoy Belphie using you as a body pillow and watching you play from now on 

Makes small comments here and there to help you out

“To your left... Oh, and open the window- yeah, that one.”

Will smirk, impressed, when you deal with the fights and win yourself without his comments.

“That’s my Y/n”

(Sorry I don’t know what else to put for him :’))

Diavolo

“Is this a human trend?” meme

Will watch excitedly and “oooo” whenever you do something cool

Be careful though, because the questions will not stop as you play

“What’s that? I see. What’s it for? How do you win the game? Who’s that character? Why can’t you do this? What about--?”

Diavolo, you’re awesome and all, but please

shush

On the inside, is also one that might be a tad concerned about your mental health because doesn’t that gore traumatize humans?

Wait, you do this for entertainment?

...

Another warning: he will shower you in merchandise from the game

I am not above the fact that this man has a game room 

And he will try to master the game

Casually pushes all his paperwork over to Lucifer so he can play Resident Evil

RIP Luci

Unfortunately, Diavolo will have trouble grasping the game and how it works

You will have to explain many things to him

Good luck- he’s a bit of a boomer (but willing to learn) and may or may not get distracted staring at you

But anyways, he enjoys engaging in the competitions you and Levi have

Whether it be playing as well or simply watching

He just loves to see you happy

Barbatos

Oh my, what’s this?

Will watch you play

and constantly criticize how filthy the Dimitrescu castle is

“Do they have any idea how many rats this can attract?”

Barbatos, your weakness is showing.

Seeing you so happy while playing the game helps him relax from his daily troubles tasks

He rewards you with a pat on the head any time you beat a foe

When Diavolo goes over to the HoL or when you come over to play in he silently cheers you on in the background.

Solomon

Yuh

Is educated on the game and knows his shit as the only other human 

Maybe knows a bit too much of the game

You will later come to find out that, somewhere in his mass tangle of shady connections, he knows a developer

Might give you tips and tricks to get on higher levels

But never, and I mean never, challenge him like you would with Levi to see who can beat the game faster

Because he will beat you by a seconds on purpose, just to piss you of

all the while doing that dark, shady chuckle

Asshole

But anyways, if you manage to finesse and beat him, he will be 

So confused

“I thought I did it all right, what went wrong...?” he thinks to himself.

On the outside, however, he’s smiling

Will hand over some praise to his little apprentice, but if you look carefully you will see a spark of annoyance

We get it Solomon, you’re a sore loser.

In the end, he will still leave somewhat impressed at your skillz

Simeon

w h a t

Is a little scared

“Is this one of them video games you kids play nowadays...? Just kidding. What are you playing-- oh my”

Might try to figure out how to play

But alas, 

Simeon is yet another boomer

So he will have quite some trouble even figuring out how to move

And why does he hold the controller like that what

If you’ve seen that one picture of him holding his phone sideways you know what I mean

On another note, if you look through his poem book, then you may or may not find a few poems describing how amazing and badass you looked hustling the entire game

Luke

about to bomb this master hill

No literally is considering bombing the computer or whatever you’re playing on because wHAT IS THAT

He is just

So 

So 

Scared

This will give him nightmares for weeks

Apparently Alcina reminds him of Lucifer so he kinda

Hates her

Says he will protect you

--as he runs out of the room in fear

Irrelevant but the one he hates the most is fetus baby

Michael have mercy on this poor boy--

#om! x reader #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #x reader #thank you for the request! #OM! #om x reader #om! x mc #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmo #beel #belphie #diavolo #barbatos #simeon #luke

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 314: ...Or You Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become the Villain

Previously on BnHA: Some random assholes were all “let’s throw exploding spears at All Might and see if it activates his Conqueror’s Haki” and SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS, IT DID!! Elsewhere, Lady Nagant confusingly tried to capture Deku alive by shooting him in the stomach, but to be fair I guess that’s what happens when you send an assassin to do a bounty hunter’s job, so yeah. Deku was all “ouch”, and then because this is a shounen he basically just straight up forgot about it, and did a big fancy Smokescreen thing, and then activated his mildly incomprehensible new ki-blasting quirk which he got from the Third. En and the Third were all “hey Deku maybe let’s not just impulsively activate all this shit in the heat of battle when you don’t know how to use it yet and you’re already injured,” and Deku was all “thanks for the quirks guys but I’ll take it from here” and snuck up on Nagant and grabbed her arm and so now what’s going to happen I wonder.

Today on BnHA: Nagant is all “[shoots Deku again]” because of course she is lol. Deku is all “tell me about AFO!” and Nagant is all “why would I tell you anything?” and then proceeds to tell him her entire life story which is FILLED WITH SO MUCH MURDER, YOU GUYS. Holy shit. So basically she was an assassin for the HPSC, which we already knew, but somehow it’s one thing to know that, and another to actually see her running around capping dudes in the forehead and being covered in more blood than the elevator from The Shining. Anyway, so you’ll never believe it, but all that murder had a negative impact on her psychologically, and eventually led her to question everything she believed about hero society, and so she killed her creepy boss and was promptly sent to Tartarus. This extremely fun chapter ends with Overhaul showing up all “HI, HELLO, I’M STILL HERE”, because for some reason he is still here. Why are you still here, Overhaul.

“the beautiful Lady Nagant” oh you know your audience don’t you Horikoshi

well all right then! so I’m guessing this means that she is not, in fact, going to roll over and die just because Deku’s out here all “GOT YA!” like they’re playing a game or tag or something. ffff may the manga gods have mercy on our young suicidal protagonist

lmao so Deku is all “GOD I’M SO SMART, WHAT A GOOD STRATEGY I HAD, CAPITOL JOB THERE OL’ CHAP, CAPITOL” and lol, okay. I mean, it was a good plan though. but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop here

“I’ll make you give me information on All for One” well there you go, lol. Deku Angst arc still fully engaged. still no light in his eyes either of course. just a lil chaotic ball of sleep deprivation and rage

lol, fucking THANK YOU though

oh my god what the hell did she do to him lol

did she shoot him with her elbow??? fucking look at this?? THIS IS WHY WE LISTEN TO HAWKS oh my god Deku are you dead

WHAT’S HAPPENING, IS THIS GOOD OR BAD, WHO’S WINNING

things that I wish I could tell from this panel which I unfortunately cannot tell

did she stab him or shoot him?? can you imagine if it was the former lol. why does Horikoshi keep stabbing all my kids. look Kacchan now the two of you can match

did she actually hit him or did he get away??

or did she hit him and then he jumped away?? just, what

well anyway, so now Deku is asking her why she sided with AFO, but he seems a lot more pissed off than when he was interrogating Muscular, though. probably because she shot him three times. fair enough

oh my god

does Lady have a blog here on tumblr dot com?? -- does Horikoshi have a blog here on tumblr motherfucking dot com?? why do I suddenly feel like this man is out here sneakily reading up on all our discourse

oh my god Deku it’s almost like getting up close and personal with someone who can shoot custom bullets from any distance and any position with deadly accuracy was a terrible fucking idea

IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED YOU NOT TO ENGAGE WITH HER AT ALL COSTS. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD HAD THE FORESIGHT TO DO THAT sob. can you imagine how much shorter this series would be if characters actually listened to Hawks. Hawks, and Momo. why do we even let anyone else run the show ever

OH MY GOD

DEKU, RUN

OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

this looks a lot like what happens to me whenever I play One’s Justice. those fucking combo attacks that you can’t fucking escape from and so your character just has to stand there getting their ass whalloped repeatedly while you wonder why you paid $40 for this

but anyways though. so Lady who did you kill?? I bet they deserved it, don’t worry I forgive you

(ETA: ANYWAY SO FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT LADY NAGANT DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. aside from murdering all those innocent people and shit. but there were CIRCUMSTANCES, and THEY WERE EXTENUATING, OKAY.)

-- holy shit

looks like the HPSC arc is back on the menu boys

so are we about to learn that the HPSC was going full Hydra on people’s asses? secretly dispatching anyone they deemed a threat to society?? “taken care of” as in you fucking shot them??

so then was the “hero” she killed actually one of the guys who was giving or carrying out these orders?? holy shit Lady, up until now I’ve mainly just been stanning you for your flawless eyebrow game and metal af quirk, but this shit could actually get real very quickly, and I am prepared to genuinely and sincerely love the shit out of you depending on what we learn next about your backstory

oh my god?!?

so wait, hold up. am I reading this right?? basically the HPSC started murdering vigilantes because they were worried they were gaining too much of the public’s favor?? holy fucking shit???

oh my GOD oh my god

“it’s been a while since I scarred you all with the dead dog and the graphic slaughter of an entire innocent family, huh,” Horikoshi says thoughtfully. “anyway so what do you all think of my new creation, the Spaghetti Bullet.” well, Horikoshi, so you know that squished-up face that Kermit the Frog makes sometimes? yeah. that’s what I think, if you must know lol

holy hell the juxtaposition

I’m actually kind of surprised to learn she had a lot of fans? what with her M.O., I was expecting her to have been an underground hero like Aizawa, but apparently not? then again I still have absolutely no idea how any of that works. I really need to read Vigilantes already

oh snap

nothing like a sweet dose of assassin trauma to finally round out our BnHA Trauma Bingo!! well done guys, we finally collected all of the traumas! hooray!

noooo Ladyyyyyyy

holy shit what a fucking chapter. like, this man promised us an assassin, and went and fucking delivered. I was not expecting it to be this dark, lol, but holy shit I am here for it

you know, at some point you have to start questioning the logistics of this, though

I mean, how do I put this... her quirk isn’t exactly subtle. that murder scene from a few pages back looked like the first season of Dexter for fuck’s sake, that’s not exactly “disappearing” people now is it?? and I mean, her bullets are literally made from her own fucking hair; it seems like it would be impossible not to leave any evidence behind. did no one start to wonder who the fuck was going around murdering all these people? or did the people who asked too many questions wind up getting conveniently “disappeared” themselves??

and hey, speaking of asking too many questions

holy shit is he blackmailing her??!? or no, wait -- what the hell is he reaching for in his pocket boy you better not

(ETA: what exactly was this man expecting fdslkjd. “uh oh my unstoppable hair trigger assassin who is literally always armed is asking questions, better announce that I am going to shoot her and then reach into my pocket veeeeeery slowly while she stands there all of two feet away.” how did this guy ever function as the head of a shadow government with these decision-making skills, I’m genuinely baffled.)

OH MY GOD LADY YES

this. right here. is why “run the fuck away” was damn good solid fucking advice. oh shit. but my god did this dude have it coming

so wait lol has she just been narrating all of this out loud to Deku this entire time

okay but can we just stop for a moment and appreciate the fact that they’re having this deep conversation about the dark secrets of hero society right in the middle of their intense mid-air sniper free-for-all lol

holy shit you guys, Nagant’s the one that should have made the tell-all video. I mean, no offense to you, Dabi, I’m sure you worked very hard on your video and did a ton of crunches every day so that you would look good with your shirt off while you told the world all about how your dad was a jerk. but seriously...

this is already like 100x more convincing than what he put out. also, gasp, is it another flashback

yes it is oh my gosh

so the HPSC Chairladyperson whom ReDestro killed used to be this guy’s direct subordinate, huh? I wonder if she kept the whole assassin program going after she took over. can’t say I was feeling any particular kind of grieving way about her death before, but certainly not now lol

but unfortunately Nagant has finally lost me at the same place where all of the villains inevitably do, which is to say when they somehow make the dubious mental leap from “society sucks and is bad” to “let’s just be openly fucking evil lol, worth a shot.” because when heroes murder innocent people and cover it up, that’s obviously bad (and I mean, it absolutely fucking is lol, don’t get me wrong); but when villains murder innocent people straight up out in the open without giving a fuck, they’re righteous revolutionaries? just -- is there really no non-murdery middle ground here?? I guess that’s what Deku and co. are for, hopefully

anyways oh shit Deku seems to have spotted something?? and he’s doing something weird with Blackwhip what

oh, he spotted her, I guess

lmaooooo

new favorite Deku panel right here. a masterpiece

oh my god you guys our little boy is starting to grow up before our eyes

you love to see it. and you can tell with those elipses that he’s gearing up to say something really cool and determined and badass like the shounen protag he is, yes please, Deku ilu so much please do your thing

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

IS THAT A TEENY TINY LIL EYE SPARKLE THERE OMG. still not anywhere close to his usual standard, but that’s some clear resolve there in his eyes there at long last! it always shines the most clearly when he’s being true to himself and his ideals, so I love that it finally shows up again here, when he’s reaffirming his resolve to help others no matter what

uh oh so what’s Lady going to do now

is it time for a trump card?? kinda sounding like it’s time for a trump card

???

I lied btw, this is my new favorite Deku panel. but anyways what is she up to now lol

ohhhhhh, lol

why does she seem shocked, lol. here I thought this was part of her plan, but apparently she forgot all about ol’ “Look Ma, No Hands” back up there

and so I guess that’s it for this week! so we’ve learned basically everything now about Lady and her quirk and her history with the HPSC and why she agreed to work for AFO. pretty much the only question that still remains is why the hell she decided to drag this asshole along for the ride! because I still cannot figure that out dsklkjlkf

(ETA: actually now I’m kind of wondering if they maybe have some past connection we don’t know about yet. when exactly was Nagant sent to Tartarus? is it possible she was ordered to track down and kill Overhaul at some point before that, but never got around to it? or something else along those lines? idk but now I’m curious.)

anyways Deku, I know that your empathy has no bounds and that you’re on a “saving villains” kick right now, and good on you... but also, if you decide to just like, skip all of that shit just this once, absolutely no one will hold it against you, I’m just saying. just, all I’m asking here is maybe let’s think twice before we start trying to reform guys who imprison and torture little girls for profit. I think maybe that’s a good place to draw the line. next week is going to be a very interesting chapter lol

#bnha 314 #lady nagant #midoriya izuku #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

[kallypsowrites]

Soulmates in the Grisha Trilogy

Someone sent me an ask asking ‘how did Leigh make the darkling and Alina perfect but connected opposites and not make them endgame (Or something to that effect, I may be screwing up the wording), and then in my tiredness this morning, I deleted it accidentally.

BUT this does bring up a topic I’ve wanted to discuss in the Grisha trilogy--namely the concept of soulmates. (Spoilers for the trilogy!)

Funny thing is, while I LOVE it when characters are paralleled, foiled, connected etc, I’m not automatically sold on the concept of soulmates for one very important reason--it often takes choice out of the love story and makes the end a foregone conclusion. I don’t like it when a love is predestined or certain. Soulmate concepts are only good to me when there’s a twist on it or something that keeps them apart. They gotta fight for it or, better yet, they have to choose it.

With the Darkling and Alina, there is a twist. They met at the wrong time. The Darkling has lost much of his humanity over the years (classic symptom of immortality) and he is bad at the emotions. And then, shortly after, they are ENEMIES. It’s a great, tragic ‘we’re meant together but the timing sucks’.

And honestly, I would be fine with that sort of relationship. I like tragedy. I like pain. And I acknowledge that in order to make Darklina endgame, Leigh would have had to write a very different book 2 and book 3. It was possible after book 1, but once book 2 happened, the Darkling was locked into endgame villain and their relationship was destined for tragedy.

What weakens this is her constant waffling on whether or not they are actually soulmates or whether or not there was real feelings, because on one hand she’s CLEARLY written that their are, but on the other hand, is her main heroine TAINTED if she had real feelings for the evil man? Corrupted? Terrible? You can only have one love, kids. One soulmate.

And here is where the stumbling block happens. She tries to make Mal Alina’s soulmate.

Now if I shipped Malina and I were writing them, I would have embraced the fact that Mal and Alina are NOT soulmates. This is a classic ‘predestination vs freewill’ dilemma. Like “yes, the fates are SAYING that this person is my other half and we are connected. But ultimately, it is my choice and I choose you.” That’s powerful. It’s powerful to say ‘my personal feelings are more important than any sort of cosmic connection and this is my choice at the end of the day’. Now I don’t ship Malina, but it seemed like Leigh might be setting herself up for that kind of dichotomy.

She does not. Instead, Mal’s an amplifier and soooomehow this connects him to Alina? I still don’t get why because Alina is not connected to Morzova’s amplifiers until she claims the stag. She’s someone who happened to get light powers and that’s not inherently connected to the amplifiers. Plus its confusing because the stag already further connected Alina and the Darkling? So your muddling your soulmate connection there.

This kind of plays into why the ‘Mal being an amplifier’ twist is bad and I’ll have another post on that. But Mal’s powers and Alina’s have never been paralleled or connected. They won’t be unless she claims him as an amplifier. And I still don’t buy the explanation of ‘Mal and Alina being close and in love drew the amplifiers’ because it does not fit with the magic system lore or anything else. Especially not with the stag. MAYBE with the sea whip because she already had one amplifier, but I don’t think a one time only connection qualifies as ‘soulmate magic’.

She uses this new thing about them being soulmates to claim that ‘even if they were raised in different circumstances they would have found each other’ which...no. Obviously they’re not the pair that’s connected and able to talk even at a distance and the way they were raised is actually EXTREMELY key to why they grew close. And she uses it to claim that Alina has only ever loved him. The stuff with the Darkling wasn’t like...real. Again. You can only love one person. Loving multiple people makes you bad :)

The thing about Malina is that ‘soulmates’ is not what draws people to them, at least from what I’ve read. People are drawn to them because they grew up in similar circumstances and when they were orphaned and alone, they had each other. They like them because they choose to be together. Not because of any destiny. Trying to make them ‘soulmates’ as opposed to just, you know, people who chose to be together, removes some of that agency from both of them and undercuts the ship. Because when it tries to do what Darklina does (the connection, the soulmate thing, the parallels) it PALES in comparison. I think she knew Darklina was popular so she tried to make Malina more grand at it just fell very, very flat.

So no, I’m not surprised Leigh didn’t make Darklina endgame. There’s was a tragic soulmate connection. But I will always be annoyed that she tried to invalidate their connection by proposing that Mal was ALSO connected with Alina and also the only one that mattered. It confused world building, character and themes, and was just very unnecessary.

#darklina #anti-malina #the darkling #alina starkov #shadow and bone #the grishaverse #ruin and rising

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Brain update

First, let me say that this isn't about what anybody has done. My reactions are not in proportion to anything that has happened, and might be considered odd, weird and sensitive to people involved.

So let me explain.

I'm an Aspie (what we call ourselves in Sweden), on the autism spectrum. Yeah, might have guessed that from the story I'm writing, Sidestep is not the only one trying to figure out how people work.

Over the years I have built up an arsenal of knowledge and analysis to be able to pretend to be neurotypical, something that I can manage alright most days, but which breaks down once you get to know me better. I'm open with this at my current job, and luckily both my bosses seem to be okay dealing with open communication and just telling me what I need to do.

It was not always like this, and that is one of the reasons why I had a breakdown and needed to get off discord/tumblr.

Back in the late nineties, I had finally got my dream job. I was a product developer in the food industry, part of a rather small department of middle-class academics. I was the new hire, everyone else had worked there for years, and things were going well. Or so I assumed. I got cool projects, got along well with one of the sales people, and well, my boss was weird but bosses always are.

Three years later. Our parent company wanted to sell us off, everyone was starting to get worried about their job. We tried to expand into things were weren't equipped to do (you don't bring spices into a fruit jam line, will be hell to clean) and while I did the projects, I also raised an (in retrospect) too big stink about the fact that we were wasting time developing things we couldn't produce without expanding. My boss (who I had learned was a devout christian) started to get really weird, I got called in and he wondered if I was a member of a cult (I was often wearing a headscarf at the time because pressure on my head is good for stress relief). I also got told off for wearing army boots to work (we had lab shoes in the lab), because (I kid you not) if we had danish visitors to the lab (we didn't have visitors) they could be offended since they had once been occupied by Nazis. Yes, at the time I was an Antifa metalhead/satanist, it was a very volatile time in sweden and nazis were everywhere. Now they're a political party, go figure.

It all came to a head when I was confronted with a folder one of the secretaries of the department had where she had written down every odd and strange thing that I did, and there were a lot of accusations of things I quite frankly blocked out. Around this time I was suffering from bad burnout, had memory loss, my hair was falling out and I lost two bikes because I forgot where I parked them. All because of workplace hostility.

So for the first time ever, I went to the company doctor, who immediately sent me on a one month sick leave, and gave a reference to a therapist. When I went and told my boss, his reaction was "It can't be anything at work," in a dismissive tone. I wrote my resignation right then and there, left the building, snuck back a Saturday to clean out my stuff so I didn't have to meet anyone. Luckily I was backed up by my union, so I got unemployment despite quitting, and the therapist helped me get back on my feet and hook me up with some antidepressants.

Still, I was a wreck for years.

At the time, I had NO idea I was an Aspie. It weren't talked about, the only thing I knew about Autism, was from the various portrayals in movies, and well, in the nineties you can guess. Rainman pretty much was it.

What destroyed me the most was not that people disliked me, I didn't like them either, we didn't have anything in common, and middle-class people always scared me. No, what broke me was the fact that my system failed.

See, I had built up myself over ten years into someone I wanted to be. Smart. Capable. Metalhead. Researcher. Activist. I thought I knew the rules. How to interact.

It turned out I knew nothing. People had been talking behind my back for years, and I didn't know. Getting annoyed by my ticks, and I had no idea. Nobody ever brought anything up to my face until it exploded one day out of the blue. This is why I have ranted about anons on this tumblr. This is why I have been so openly against passive aggressive posts and bullying, especially the anonymous kind, because it destroys people and I don't think the people who does it knows the impact they can have. I hope they don't.

I have never gone back to the lab. I can't. I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it when I'm writing this. I retrained. Became a machinist. Back to the working class I came from. Eventually started writing.

And this is exactly what these last months have felt like.

I thought I understood things. I was pretty open with being old, an Aspie, not understanding memes, or humor, or tik tok, or certain aspects of people's behavior like jealousy, but the problem with joking about this is that it's so easy to take as just a joke. That I'm just making fun of myself (oh it's that too). I got advice from some of you, which I ignored, because I thought that I could be different. That there was no danger in getting close. That I could be just another voice in the crowd. An occasionally evil avocado. That this couldn't blow up in my face, that everything was cool.

And then it did. And I was wrong. And the talking started, and things were coming out that I had no idea that was going on. That I was being held responsible for. Opinions that were spoken in my name. Events I was supposed to have been aware of and supported. All of a sudden I was omniscient, aware of the true passive aggressive meaning of every reblog, aware of every post in every room in the discord I wasn't even running. Wasn't even a mod on. All of a sudden I had power, and I had used it to hurt people. The people I cared about. Everything I wrote was taken in the worst possible way, twisted into things I never meant, and the more I tried to talk to people, the worse it went.

Look. I know this was at heart a war between people that just doesn't like each other and the things they do/the ways they behave. I'm still not entirely sure who's been involved, and I'm not interested in finding out. I tried to build a supportive space, reblog everyone's art and fics, encourage people to make their own things, get a kofi, get some money, make some friends.

And herein lies my problem.

I thought I understood how to be, and now I don't. I have no idea who hates my guts and who doesn't (well, except some who has very vocally let me know). I can't trust anything. I can't trust anyone. And it sucks. Someone I trusted stabbed be in the back because they were convinced I stabbed them in the back and that sucks more than I can describe. Every time I make a comment on AO3 or twitter it's after psyching myself up for half an hour, and I'm usually a wreck afterwards, because my brain doesn't know if they hate me too, and if I am imposing on them and making their day bad.

So yeah. I need to figure out how to be. How not to have a nausea attack every time I accidentally click open tumblr from pure reflex, looking away from the screen just not to see how may messages I have.

I never wanted to be the aloof author, but maybe I have to be. The question is if I can. I have been told I can't comment on pics or fics, because then I have favorites. And that makes people jealous. And it makes people think I take sides. I have been told I can't be on the discord, because then I will be held responsible for what the mods do there, and everything that's said even when I'm not around. I should apparently have someone manage the tumblr, it's not something that I, an author should do.

I now understand the authors who just stay away and remain distant, because people give themselves the power to write the narrative for you.

Part of me wants to tell people what I've told my current bosses, don't assume, just talk to me. I don't pick up/do passive aggression, I don't understand hints, I have trouble with nuance, I don't listen to gossip, I don't interact enough to know anything that's going on. Just ask before assuming.

Except that right now I can't. I can't talk about any of this. It's too close. It sets me off. It's getting better, sure, I'm on medication again, but the smallest thing still can ruin my entire day. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover and come back to some semblance of normality. I'm not posting this myself (my partner does). Writing is going well, because it lets me not be myself. I need those walls again. The therapy of writing about pain.

I'll rebuild them. I'm not entirely sure who I'll be on the other end of it. We'll see.

I have consciously not spoken about any details because those could be misunderstood, this is not a passive aggressive callout to anybody. I have no hard feelings towards anyone, I am not angry or upset, just confused and sad. I am truly so very, very, very sorry that I've hurt people, both by action and inaction. It was never my intention. I will do my best to do better in the future.

Still working on how to do that.

#personal

[hotchley]

heyy sumayyah! firstly: i'm so sorry you got hate asks >:( some people really can't be nice... that sucks. i'm back with my hc to (maybe, hopefully) distract you/cheer you up!! just saying, it's LONG and it's kind of angsty in the beginning lmao sorry oops, but it gets a little better towards the end!! i promise!!

tw mentions of (bad) eating habits, very briefly implied abuse/domestic violence and alcoholism, brief mention of almost-fainting!!

so my own horrible eating habits got me thinking of Hotch who already doesn’t eat that much because of how he was raised (on his father’s bad days, his mother wouldn’t even be able to get up to make food and his father would be batshit drunk anyway, so no one made food and there’s nothing at home, and Hotch is too young and doesn’t know how to cook for himself, and that just carried its way into adulthood even after he learnt to cook (for Sean, because Sean is a growing boy and still has to eat and he would do anything to make sure Sean grows up happy) and even after he gets together with Haley, who always has to check in on him to make sure he's eating properly)

like, man would throw himself into his work, sometimes not on purpose but because he just was so intent on finishing just one more document, and time just slipped by and when he looks up again it’s 8pm, the bullpen’s almost empty, and then he realises that he actually hasn’t ate anything since he had his morning coffee. and after especially bad cases (Vincent Perrotta, Carl Buford, Tobias Hankel, that case on the pig farm, Foyet, etc.) he just, avoids food on purpose, distracting himself by finishing all the paperwork he has, even if they’re not urgent, sometimes even completing the team’s paperwork (as much as he can) just because he feels like he’s failed them. the team doesn't deserve to be bogged down by all these bureaucratic issues but he does, because what good is his role as their unit chief if he can’t even shield them from the evil out there, if he has to send his team into the abyss every single time and every time someone else gets more injured/fractured, and the least he could do is to help out the team with what he’s best with, right? all those behind-the-scenes, messy, cutthroat politics, because it’s okay if he takes the brunt of the scrutiny of the brass and if he could he would not even let the team relive what they’ve been through because they don’t deserve that, they don’t deserve having to recount their traumatic experience in a bloody report that will eventually just be filed and chucked aside but will leave emotional and mental scars on his agents that will never be erased.

or sometimes he’s just stressed out and anxious and food just really doesn’t go well with his stomach, and he opts to skip meals entirely - he drinks coffee only because he still needs to keep awake, to make sure he’s paying full attention on all these cases and victims and his team who deserve his 120%, and because his stomach’s been conditioned to accept coffee no matter what (over 10 years of being in the BAU after over another 5? years as a prosecutor, where he drank coffee like his life depended on it). and sure, he’s lost weight, his ribs slightly showing when he raises his hands to reach for things/take off his sweaters, sure he’s looked a little more gaunt and tired as the years go by, sure he’s had some almost fainting spells in his office after a long day without food, where his vision just blacks out for 5 seconds after he stands up and he has to clutch onto the edge of his desk to stabilize himself, but it's okay to him, because he must be the strong, stoic, reliable leader for his team and he can’t faint in his office, not when the blinds are open and the team can look in and when he knows that Derek, Emily and Spencer are all looking in concerned because he hasn’t left his office all day

and i’m just also thinking about how the team would just, do their best to feed him??? like, when they stop for gas on long road trips to/back from cases, he always doesn’t buy anything besides a coffee (black, as usual, with just a dash of sugar and cream on good days) for himself, but then JJ passes him an unopened nutri bar which she claimed she bought earlier for herself but now 'doesn’t feel like eating anymore', Dave silently hands over a cookie (chocolate chip, his favourite) and stares at him with his eyebrows raised until Aaron accepts the cookie and actually eats it, Derek slips a wrap into his hands somehow and offers to drive because 'Hotch, you gotta finish your wrap', Spencer casually asks Hotch if he can help him finish off this sandwich which he bought but cannot finish, and Hotch looks down and sees a perfectly fine egg and ham sandwich which hasn’t even been bitten into, but Spencer’s looking at him with those eyes (he thinks of Jack and how strikingly alike his sons they are) so he takes the sandwich and eats it, Emily openly challenges him and says ‘here’s the bag of chips i owe you, you better finish it all because i took the trouble of actually getting them or else’ and he goes along with it because he’s learnt that arguing with her is sometimes equivalent to arguing with Penelope, and that mostly ends up with him going along with both their ‘suggestions’ in the end anyway, and on the rare cases where Penelope goes with the team out into the field, she always packs homemade cookies and cupcakes that are so wonderfully bright and colourful, like everything about her, and when she gets to him with those sparkling hopeful eyes and says ‘I made these myself, come on, have a taste and let me know what you think?’, Hotch can’t help but accept it because he doesn’t ever want to disappoint Penelope and make her sad, because her bubbly and innocent demeanour reminds him of Jack and he would never do anything to kill that bright light that is Penelope

aND I’m getting some big emotions. imagine all the subtle (& not so subtle) things the team does just to make sure he eats (regularly) which may include and are not limited to: inviting themselves over to Hotch’s house for homecooked meals (Spencer, Derek), inviting him & Jack out on outings or playdates which most often than not end with them at restaurants where Hotch eats because Jack needs a good role model on healthy eating behaviours and he’s got to be that for Jack (Derek, Emily, JJ), or just showing up at his house/office to leave him baked goods/cooked meals that were always somehow ‘extras’ or ‘leftovers’ (JJ, Penelope, Rossi, Spencer) i'm sorry this got so long!! it was written a little over a month ago when i was procrastinating on my literature essay in the middle of the night, so i got a little angsty LOL. i hope this distracts you somewhat from the horrible ask you got! take care of yourself! sending love and hugs <33

🌙

Putting my answer below the keep reading for scrolling x

Aww thank you for sending it!! When I saw I had an ask, I really thought it was you, and then it was that stupid anon and I was like: Oh okay then... I have to go eat dinner so....

Ohh... his childhood... the poor kid would've been so much smaller, but so determined to do everything for Sean because that's his little brother and he loves him more than anything... I love Haley though <3

He would so do that though. He would tell himself he could eat once he's done something- which is really unhealthy, if you're reading this do not ever withhold food, if you're feeling hungry just eat something it doesn't matter what it is because something will always, always be healthier than nothing- and then he would pick something else up and the cycle would repeat...

He would convince himself the coffee is enough, that there's nothing wrong with his habits because he's never done anything different, but he would know deep down that it's not right. But he still wouldn't eat anything because he knows it'll make him naesous either way.

The worst part is what are the team meant to do in that situation? They can't force him to eat... as much as they may want to, they can't...

YES! The team would have a tally chart of who last had to make Hotch eat, so they would have a rota, and occasionally (all the time actually) they would deviate from said rota and then they would all look at each other and then laugh because eh, it's fine!

That ending was so cute, I love them <3

Noo!! Don't be sorry it go so long, I love it so much!! I might have to work it into a fic... wait... one of them may have referenced JJ giving him in a sandwich, unless that was only in my head lol

#tw eating habits #tw implied abuse #tw alcoholism #tw almost fainting #🌙anon #people talk to me

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Soooooooo... because I’ve completely lost my mind: “Light and L in Hogwarts during the year that Harry Potter was” AU ideas (and I know a lot of people have already written them into Hogwarts, so I’m probably just unknowingly copying people’s ideas. But shh).

Light is a Gryffindor and L is a Slytherin (same year). Really, Light should also be a Slytherin, of course. But this helps them to be rivals better. He probably asked the Sorting Hat to put him in Gryffindor--ala Harry--and the Sorting Hat took his choice into consideration.

And they are rivals. Because like in canon, they’re very much the same and Foils to each other. They both definitely become prefects and Head Boy of their year (sorry, Ron. I guess I’m stealing prefect from you for this AU. I’m so sorry, baby!). And everyone is constantly comparing the two, so they hate each other at first. They’re also both on their respective Quidditch teams, because of course they’d be. I’m imagining they’re Beaters, because “he who attacks first, wins”, and since Harry’s still got to be Gryffindor Seeker.

And getting the obvious out of the way: L loves Honeydukes, of course.

But I imagine the reason these two start to become friends is this: Light realizes there’s something wrong with Snape jumps down Harry’s throat on his first day. Like, he reads fear and humiliation on Harry’s face or something--or knows that even the most basic wizard should have known the answers Snape was asking about--he questions him about it... To which Harry admits that he didn’t even know he was a wizard--or about the wizarding world--until a few days ago. Though I doubt Harry would be this open about it to a stranger, but shh. And this ticks Light off--to know that Harry’s aunt and uncle treated him so dirty, and that Professor Snape just made this poor, defenseless kid look like an idiot--and he plans to go to Snape about it. But anyway, L had secretly been listening this whole time--but hiding like a cat--and he makes his appearance known now. He’d come to the same conclusions and also wants to help Harry out, because he’s “justice” too, after all. And it’s here that Light and L develop a grudging respect for each other. And they probably do go to Snape. But Snape being Snape doesn’t listen to them, and he takes points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for their “insolence”... At which point, they might decide to make Snape’s life a living Hell, and thus a friendship begins.

The two of them totally become aurors when they graduate, and enjoy seeing Harry and Ron at work.

Light and L may think that Ron isn’t the smartest wizard in the world--and somewhat un-deserving to hang out with Harry and Hermione--at first, but their opinion of him changes pretty quickly. And even when they did think this of him, they didn’t dislike Ron. They liked the dude pretty well, since Ron’s pretty sociable, but just didn’t think he would ever be a rival to them. Let’s put it that way. But when they learn about all that Ron does in his, Harry, and Hermione’s adventures, they give him mass respect.

Light and L are the biggest supporters of Neville Longbottom that you’ll ever see, as they both saw his potential and realized pretty soon that it was abuse keeping him from unlocking his full potential. 

Light and L are “fans” of Harry at first--though not starstruck--and then just flat-out respect the Boy Who Lived once he just becomes one of their peers. Granted, they don’t think baby Harry really did anything to earn all his fame... but you’ve still got to give it to the infant that somehow tripped up Lord Voldermort and stopped his reign of terror.

Light and Hermione... get on pretty well. I’d maybe go as far as to say they’re acquaintances. And, naturally, everyone thinks they should date: since they’re the two smartest Gryffindors and prefects. But this would never happen. They probably even laugh at the idea together. Hermione has just never had any interest in Light, for whatever reason (maybe because she had a crush on Ron pretty early on). And Light is most definitely gay.

I forgot to mention that L in this is probably a clue to the Golden Trio earlier on that Slytherins aren’t all bad.

Speaking of: L and Draco are friends (but only because Draco’s pretty much the best person he can find in Slytherin house). And this maaaaaaaaaybe convinces Draco to switch sides earlier than in canon.

As he would, Light definitely loves to use avada kedavra against evil people... Though no one really has a problem with this, because most people use that spell during a war (in fact, even our heroes in Harry Potter often don’t understand why he won’t use the killing curse). L maaaaaaaaaaybe tells Light that he thinks this is a bad thing. But it isn’t something they’re going to turn into enemies before. And L’s certainly used the spell himself in dire situations. But similarly to Death Note canon, Light thinks that all criminals should be avada kedavrad. L questions that one time, though, in asking Light, “You want them to suffer for what they’ve done, yes? So wouldn’t it be worse for them to live out their years in Azkaban? Or have their souls sucked out by the Dementors?”

But back to Light and L still being rivals... There’s one time where they’re both in the halls after curfew--probably because Light and L sometimes get roped into the Golden Trio’s adventures, or their own adventures, because they’re too smart not to be--and L leans over to Light and says, “Know that I love you,” before kissing him on the lips... He then gets on his broom, or something, and quickly flies away so he won’t get caught, but Light is and Gryffindor loses points. So the game is on.

I feel like Light and L would probably hate and dislike Dumbledore, after they realize some of the shady stuff he does. L might somewhat respect his cleverness, but ehh.

Also, Light and L are brilliant... So they never once doubt that Voldermort is back when Harry says he is. And they do, in fact, join Dumbledore’s Army and help Harry teach... Even though they probably hate the name. They also help bring it back with Neville, Luna, and Ginny, when the Golden Trio are away in year seven.

They fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, of course. And in the battle in Hogwarts at the end of book six.

L is probably the first Gryffindor to stand up to his house, like “Uhh, no. We’re not going to sacrifice Harry to Voldermort to save ourselves.” And speaking of... there’s a chance that a good portion of L’s house hates him for clearly siding with Harry over Voldermort when the war begins.

I had some ideas about Misa, but I’m sort of forgetting them now. She’s definitely a Hufflepuff... But I want to do something different with her, than most people usually do. Yes, Light is kind of annoyed by her because he thinks she thinks they’re dating or is trying to force it? (She probably does something to help him? And then Light thinks she’s insinuating he owes her. IDK?) But what if in reality, she’s ace or something and just wants a friend? And Light is just assuming the worst--and for once, being dumb--by just not talking to her? But eventually he does, and then they’re sort of cool with each other. And she then sometimes helps Light and L, because this is the happy Death Note AU (in Hogwarts), everybody.

...I feel like I had so many ideas, but now I think I’ve forgotten them all. Oops. I’ll add to this if I remember them, I guess. 

Also... there’s a good chance that Light and L figure out the Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew thing before anyone else--near instantly, when they learn about it--but I also don’t know if I want to commit to that? Because I don’t want to steal the Golden Trio’s thunder too much here? But at the same time, if I’m not going to have the Death Note characters slightly change things, what’s even the point?

Edit: The two geniuses probably do create some new spell or potion or something together. 

Edit 2: Harry and L totes bond over being orphans.

Edit 3: All the students in Hogwarts know that Light and L are gay for each other. And are constantly like, “Where’s your boyfriend at?” to their annoyance, probably because even in this universe Light and L are in denial about their feelings for each other for the longest time for some reason.

Edit 4: Light and L have the same patrous (to their annoyance. And at first, it’s not because they love each other--though maybe later it partly is--but because they’re that much alike). And it’s probably a cheetah or something.

Edit 5: Back to the whole Light and Misa thing, L actually realizes she doesn’t want to be Light’s girlfriend and is cool with her before even Light is. Since, oddly enough, it seems that Slytherin and Hufflepuff are close, and Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Later, when Light asks how he figured it out first, L sites his deductive reasoning schools and this as the reason.

Edit 6: I just thought of how this gets dark, and how Light and L maybe turn against each other... Light being tempted to create horcruxes by using the kills he makes in self-defense. L tells him not to do it: to not be like Voldermort. And Light perhaps listens to that... or doesn’t, in being so arrogant that he thinks he won’t become a dark wizard if he’s tasted immortality. On one hand, I feel like Light wouldn’t want to rip his soul apart. But if he thought it was for the greater good--so he could continue fighting crime as an auror--then he might do it...

Edit 7: Light and L do probably resent their professors some, in thinking that they’re more capable than they are.

Edit 8: Light and Hermione might actually go on one “date” together. To “The Slub Club”, because they want to make Ron and L jealous.

#long post #headcanons #my headcanons #my light and l at Hogwarts headcanons #my light and l in Harry Potter headcanons #I feel like. in another situation. Snape would have seen himself in l some and loved and respected the kid. but nah. l was out for blood #here so it didn't happen #there's also a part of light. who's totally in denial that he should be a slitherin. that hates himself for falling for a Slytherin at #first. since Slytherin house gets such a bad rep. but he quickly gets over that. and probably even admits he should have been one #when l says he clearly is one and should have accepted it so they could have happilybeen in Slytherin house together. lol #death note #lawlight #and sorry if any of these headcanons are off the wall. I'm still new to the fandom and figuring things out #Soichiro was an auror too of course #these all came into my head when I was at work one day

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

#war and peace #helene kuragina #fedya dolokhov #my post #w&p playlists #helenkhov #is that their ship name??? idk #someone tell me what it is ill owe u my life

[a-student-out-of-time]

There's a good and a bad way to subvert expectations. Unfortunately what's been happening a lot lately is that many works go for twists for the sake of being twists, the Star Wars Sequels being a prime example of this. Or the later sessions of Game of Thrones. There is a fine balance between being able to surprise your audience and not being extremely predictable.

//I’ve absorbed more complaints and feelings from both those series through pop-culture osmosis than I have from watching them. I’m more of a casual observer, but I do have some feelings on both these points (which I will put under here if you’re interested.)

//tl;dr version: I think we should unbiasedly judge media on its own merits and look over what works internally within the story and what doesn’t, be willing to make our own judgements rather than jump on bandwagons and tell people what they should or shouldn’t like, and not treat opinions as straight facts.

//And also that I’m honestly tired of hearing about the sequels and GoT ^^;

//I disagree with a lot of people on the Star Wars sequels (aside from 9, fuck 9), but I’d rather not start a debate about it nor their quality overall. Only that I think people really overreacted to them  and many others jumped on the hate bandwagon when emotions were running high.

//Frankly, many of the criticisms I saw about the films felt either wildly inconsistent about what they’re upset about or what they wanted it to be (7 was criticized for being too much like old Star Wars, 8 for not being enough like old Star Wars) and others felt like they came from bad faith and I can’t take them seriously.

//And yes, the last season of Game of Thrones is trash and wrecked everyone’s storylines for the sake of being shocking, but let’s also be real: GoT was never going to have a happy ending if it wanted to stick to its “realism.” Whoever got on the Iron Throne was inevitably going to have to purge all opposition to consolidate power. That’s just how real revolutions and coups work.

//To be clear, Daenerys’ turn to evil murderousness was stupidly executed, but it wasn’t necessarily unprecedented. What I frankly dislike about fantasy in general is its tendency toward the Divine Right of Kings. That only certain bloodlines have the right to rule and you just need to put the “rightful heir” on the throne. In other words, giving absolute power to a magically omnibenevolent person will fix everything. I may be an optimistic humanist, but I know that simply doesn’t happen.

//The entire point of GoT is that DRoK is stupid and royalty in general really kinda sucks. If you go back, you see most of the lords we follow, including “good king” Eddard Stark, are either totally indifferent to the masses or are completely sadistic and torture them for funsies since the legal system doesn’t protect peasants.

//The Starks are no better than the Lannisters simply by virtue of being overall “nicer” than them. Both sides start wars that get thousands of people killed. Also, everybody loved John Snow, but he also fucking hanged a kid and I’ve never heard anyone bring that up since.

//Most importantly, Daenerys was a likable character with a sympathetic backstory, but even before the last season, she was fully embracing being a Targaryen by blood and was openly murdering people who got in her way while she was conquering territory after territory.

//Yes, a lot of the people she killed were slaveholders, but let’s be real for a moment: not everyone who participates in an evil system is evil themselves. It’s easy for us as the audience to judge them for participating in a slavocracy, but living in one comes with being told slavery is okay. That doesn’t make them evil by nature, just subject to the biases of their culture.

//Also, slavery is evil but conquering people is fine? And burning people to death for opposing you is acceptable since you’re going to be better and free everyone, or because you had a sympathetic backstory? These are the kinds of things that get villains criticized for, but is treated as a necessary evil at worst for the protagonists.

//This is protagonist-centered morality. The show is framing it in a way where you’re being drawn in to see it that way, but also telling you not to see blatant hypocrisies for what they really are. Daenerys was even called as mad as her father by Tyrion. It wasn’t well-executed, but it was going to happen regardless of how much anyone liked her.

//Violence for a good cause is still violence. If you’re going to burn people for disagreeing with you, then say that other people shouldn’t and should listen to others, that’s full-on hypocrisy. That goes for most of the characters in the show, frankly, and the message is executed well for most of it.

//That being said, don’t think this means I think the last season of GoT is good, that the Star Wars sequels are perfect, or that I hate all fantasy books ever. That’s not what I’m saying. I try to enjoy what’s good about them and point out their flaws regardless.

//What I’m saying is it’s important to, when you want to be critical of media, put your feelings and biases aside and judge the media you’re criticizing on its own merits. In my opinion, the claims that the sequels only did things to subvert expectations is unfounded. They were going their own direction, which was admittedly controversial and not what many people wanted, but just because you don’t want it to happen doesn’t mean it’s a bad twist

//Just like how a character isn’t a Mary Sue just because they’re too OP or you don’t like them. That’s not what that term means and hearing people use it like that irritates me. While I do have my complaints about characters, people use that term as if it’s a form of literary criticism that has more use than is necessary.

//If a character is OP, they’re OP. If a character is flat, they’re flat. If a character is poorly written, they’re poorly written. If a character is at the center of the universe and literally everything else exists just to amplify them and their role in things, then they’re likely a Mary Sue/Gary Stu. It’s not a label to slap on  a character you don’t like or to give a critique (or complaint) more weight.

//This is why I say DR3 Chiaki isn’t a Mary Sue, she’s just not a very well written character. All Mary Sues are poorly written characters, but not all poorly written characters are Mary Sues. She’s not terrible, but she’s not explored much and her only big roles are being the person who brings Class 77-B together and her death turns them to despair.

//While her death was tragic and brutal, we didn’t really get a good look at who she was as a person beyond just being nice and opening up to her friends. If they’d expanded on that a little more, maybe it would’ve been more effective, but the way she died felt...manipulative and shock baity in a lot of ways since it banked mostly on our familiarity with her despite it being a totally different person.

//DR3 honestly had a whole host of shocky and just plain gross scenes that I really don’t think needed to be there.

//But likewise, if a story has a plot twist that you don’t like, that doesn’t automatically make it purely shock bait or subverting expectations just for the sake of doing so. There’s a difference between “this character was evil all along and there were a lot of clues and we just didn’t want to believe it” and “this character was evil all along for reasons we’re dumping on you now.”

//Just so I don’t seem like a hypocrite, while I personally don’t like what happened with Mikan in chapter 3 of SDR2, it was an effective way of foreshadowing the truth of them being the remnants of despair. It was set up that every had lost their memories and this was a sign that getting them back wasn’t necessarily going to have a good outcome.

//And I’ll be real: I can’t take a lot of the complaints about the Sequels or GoT seriously because much of it carries overtones of racism, sexism and antisemitism. For those more into Star wars, I think you know what I mean already and that’s all I’ll say. As for GoT, I’ve seen reddit posts viscerally attacking the writers directly and even saying that we should’ve expected the ending to suck since it was “written by Jews.”

//Yeah, go figure I can’t read any of that. I know not all people who hated the show’s ending or the films are like that, but it’s impossible to deny that those attitudes are very real.

//In the end, if you want to be critical of media, the worst way to do that is to just watch a video of someone complaining about it for half an hour. Yes, those video essays can be fun, but the only way to be truly critical of media you enjoy is to examine it yourself and look closely at what’s in it and how it’s presented. That goes doubly for shows you like.

//I know not everyone will do that and all opinions are ultimately subjective, but don’t let someone else tell you that you should hate something or that something is bad just because they didn’t like how it ended. Watch or read it yourself and draw your own conclusions. Don’t just follow the crowd and also be respectful of people who don’t agree with you. You can learn a lot when you talk to someone with a different opinion.

#mod talks #mod rambles #a student out of time #just giving my thoughts #Anonymous #cw: racism #cw: sexism #cw: antisemitism

[slowly-writing]

Part of the Family: Part 8

Avengers x Kid!Reader

Part 1  Part 9

Word Count: 2635

You’re still feeling antsy later that night and you can’t fall asleep. You had texted MJ for a while, but it was late and you didn’t want to keep her up all night. You decided to grab a snack around 1am and saw the TV in the common room was still on. You walk in to turn it off only to see your mom sitting on the couch. She’s staring off in a daze, obviously not watching the movie that’s playing in front of her.

“Hey mom?” You call softly, drawing her attention. “Is everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, everything’s fine sweetheart,” she smiles at you, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I can tell something’s wrong, you don’t have to tell me what it is but I can sit with you, if that’s alright?” She smiles, a bit more genuinely this time, and pats the spot next to her.

“I’ll always say yes to time with my favorite teenager,” she says and you chuckle softly. She wraps her arm around your shoulder and you sit in silence for a while. You’re half paying attention to the weird action movie when her voice draws your attention. “We had a really hard time on that mission.”

“In Sokovia? What happened?” You ask and you feel her arms tighten around you.

“A lot. It got really bad. I didn’t think we were gonna make it out.” You stiffen slightly and look up at her to see her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I thought it was over, and all I could think about was that I was leaving you alone again. Wanda, she has these powers. She made us see things, our greatest fear I guess. She didn’t know what she was doing, she thought she was on the right side. But I saw you. You were all alone again and scared and then it almost happened. One mission and you almost lost your whole family in one fell swoop.”

“I wouldn’t have made it,” you say softly as her tears start to fall.

“I like to think you would. But these missions…they’re not a joke, y/n. Things get dangerous really fast. All you want to do is help, use the gifts you have for good, and I love you for it. Seeing your face when you came back from that first mission, I think that was the proudest moment of my life. Knowing that my daughter was so happy to be able to help people, I like to think I did something right to help you become that way. In that moment, all I wanted to do was send you on every mission that I could, see that joy in your eyes and see the good you could do in this world,” she smiles at you as she wipes the tears.

“So many of our missions are running in and out of bases with barely anybody there. We knock a few people out, grab what we need, and leave with barely a scratch. I forget how dangerous this job is but then I go on missions like this and I remember what we’re really up against. I remember it’s not always Hydra agents who think they’re saving the world or stupid kids who think on the right side of the fight they know nothing about. It’s people who are truly evil, people who want to destroy this world and will go right through us to do it. I remember why I didn’t want you to go on missions in the first place.” Her voice cracks and you take her hand.

“When we decided to go down with the ship… I hated myself for leaving you alone, but it was okay. Because at least you weren’t there. None of us were coming home, but you weren’t part of that. You’d make it out. That’s why I don’t want you out there. I need you to be okay.” She finishes and you sit in silence for a few moments before you respond.

“I know you want me to stay safe, mom. And I get it, but that isn’t a choice I can really make anymore. I was talking to dad earlier, about what these…powers I guess, have taken from me, and it’s a lot. I can’t be normal anymore and that sucks. If I could flip a switch and get rid of them, sometimes I think I would. But I can’t, so here we are.” You say softly.

“By any semblance of logic I shouldn’t be here. Some scientists in a lab decided to play God and I’m the product of it. That shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I somehow got here and got in a position where I can do a lot of good. And that’s a really scary spot to be in. I think all of us can agree on that. No matter what the moment was, we all had a moment where we questioned if we were right for this job. If we were good enough to be what people think we are,” you say, trying to put into words the thoughts that have been swirling around your head since Fury showed up all those years ago.

“None of us know when our time is going to come. I could walk outside tomorrow and get hit by a car, and that could be it. Well… I don’t think a car could do it, a train maybe,” you joke and you hear your mom laugh lightly. “My point is, we don’t know what’s waiting for us, but we do know we can do a lot of good before it comes. I didn’t ask for these powers, but I got them, and when you can do the things that we can do and you don’t, and then bad things happen, they happen because of you.”

“When did you get to be so smart?” Your mom teases and you smile, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“I had the smartest Avenger as a mother, a little was bound to rub off on me.” She smiles and kisses the top of your head.

“You going out there still really scares me,” she says softly and you smile.

“It scares me too. Anytime any of us put on our suits and walk out the door I’m afraid of what’s waiting. But if we let that fear stop us, then those guys win. We can’t stop everyone, and one day one of us is bound to go down. It’s just statistics. We can only cheat death so many times before it catches up. But if they don’t go through us, they’re going to go through a lot of innocent people who can’t do anything to stop it. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

“I get it, I’ll let you go on the next mission,” your mom says and you laugh. ���I love how much you care. Never let go of that, love.”

“I’ll do my best.”

xxxxx

“Hey Wanda, so as you saw I kinda don’t have my bike anymore and therefore I can’t drive us to school today,” you say sheepishly at breakfast the next morning. “It’s like 5 miles, we can jog there if we leave soon, get some extra conditioning in? I don’t really know if your powers work that way but-”

“That sounds good to me,” she cuts you off with a smile and you nod, calming yourself down a bit. Maybe it’s the leftover emotions from the day before, a lot happened, but you’re still really antsy.

“Hey mom? Can you pick us up after school? I don’t wanna make MJ walk that far,” you ask her and she pauses.

“How long have you been driving her around on that bike without a helmet?” she asks and you wince.

“Since...uh, since you started letting me drive it to school,” you say softly and she rolls her eyes.

“Seriously, y/n? And you never got pulled over?” she asks in disbelief.

“Well…I may have gotten pulled over once but when the cop saw the last name on my license he apologized and let me go?” you say and Tony immediately starts laughing.

“He apologized?” he asks through his laughter and you nod.

“Perks of the entire NYPD respecting the hell out of your parents and also being simultaneously terrified of both of them.”

“So, really this is your fault,” Tony says to your parents who both glare.

“How is that our fault, Stark?” Steve asks.

“Well, you’re the ones who adopted the kid and made her famous,” Tony says and Natasha rolls her eyes.

“Not like we had much of a choice. We avoided it for as long as we could,” she says and you furrow your brow.

“I’m going to choose to ignore how much that makes it sound like you regret adopting me,” you say softly and your mom immediately jumps up and walks over to you.

“No, y/n. That is not at all what I meant. I was talking about everybody knowing who you are. I have never for a second regretted adopting you, okay? I love you so much.” You nod at her.

“I guess you couldn’t have dad carry me away from movie theaters forever. Anyways, about that ride?” you ask, wanting to change the subject and she smiles apologetically.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I leave for a mission in a few hours,” she says and you nod looking at Clint.

“I’m going with her,” he says and you sigh.

“Dad? Can you pick us up?” you ask.

“Sorry, doll. I have a meeting with Fury this afternoon.”

“Tony?” he shakes his head.

“Bruce?” He makes a similar gesture and you groan.

“There’s 800 people living in this tower and not one of them can pick me up from school?” you hear Wanda laughing and you glare before she covers it with a fake cough.

“You run a 2 minute mile and bench press 600 pounds. Pick her up and run here, lazy,” Clint says and you roll your eyes.

“I may just do that,” you say getting up to leave.

xxxxx

“Hey, how are you doing today?” MJ asks as you jog up to school and you smile and pull her into your arms.

“Is it too cheesy if I say better now that you’re here?” you ask and she rolls her eyes.

“Yes. It is much too cheesy, so don’t say it,” she says, but you can see how she’s smiling slightly.

“Got it,” you say softly before heading inside. When you walk through the doors you see Flash standing in front of Peter and you immediately glare. You’re getting really sick of his games. You see Flash push him and Peter stumbles into a row of lockers, trying not to give away his powers. In reality it probably had very little effect on him, but that’s not the point. You storm over and grab the straps of Flash’s backpack, slamming him against the lockers he just pushed Peter into. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t beat the shit out of you right now, Thompson,” you growl and his eyes go wide. “Please, you always have something to say so why don’t you tell me why you deserve to walk free after how you’ve been treating Peter? That kid has been nothing but kind to everybody here, so tell me, why should you get away with how you treat him?”

“Y/n it’s okay,” you hear Peter saying next to you but you don’t back off.

“You see that? Even after the way you treat him he still comes to your defense,” you say, your voice dangerously quiet as you push him harder into the lockers. He’s too afraid to even speak.

“Y/n, calm down,” you feel MJ put a hand on your shoulder and you exhale slowly.

“If I EVER catch you messing with him again, you and I are gonna be right back here. And you won’t be walking away next time. Do I make myself clear?” you say and he nods, “I said do I make myself clear!”

“Yeah-yes. I’ll leave him alone,” he says and you hold him for a second, trying to convince yourself to let him go.

“Good. Now stay the hell away from my family,” you say, dropping him after a few seconds and he immediately runs away. You turn around and see everyone in the hallway staring at you and your breathing starts to pick up again. Your eyes flit around until you find the familiar brown ones that never fail to calm you down.

“What do you need?” MJ asks quietly as your eyes meet.

“I need to get out of here. Now.” She nods her head and grabs your hand, leading you towards the bathroom and closing the door behind you. You immediately sink down against the wall, pulling your knees up to your chest and holding your head in your hands, trying to control your breathing.

“Hey, look at me,” your eyes shoot up to where MJ is crouched in front of you. “Just take deep breaths with me, slow deep breaths. There you go, you’re okay y/n. Everything’s okay,” you let her voice calm you down as you catch your breath.

“Okay, I’m okay,” you say, moving to get up but she takes your hand.

“Just take a minute, there’s no rush. Just give yourself a minute to calm down,” you nod your head and she sits with you until you’re ready to go to class.

xxxxx

“You’re kidding me, right?” MJ asks and you raise an eyebrow at her.

“You wanna walk 5 miles?” she shakes her head, “Didn’t think so, hop on.”

“This is ridiculous,” MJ says as you crouch to give her a piggyback ride. You had put your homework in Wanda’s bag and stashed yours in your locker so it didn’t get in the way.

“Well it’s our only option until I get my bike back, speaking of there’s a motorcycle shop on the way home, can we stop and buy a new helmet?” you ask and they both agree.

Twenty minutes later you’re slowing to a stop in front of the tower, “see it wasn’t that bad!”

“Everyone was staring!” MJ argues and you roll your eyes.

“I’m Black Widow and Captain America’s kid. People stare at us no matter what we’re doing.”

“Whatever,” MJ says taking the black helmet out of your hands, “I’ll give this back to you next week, okay?”

“Uh, sure. Why?” you ask a little confused.

“You’ll see,” she says with a smirk and you just shrug before unlocking the door.

xxxxx

“I finally got the bike back,” you say, spinning the keys around your finger, “you don’t have to be embarrassed anymore.”

“About damn time,” MJ teases pushing off your locker, the new helmet in hand. “I brought your helmet back.

“Oh no, you can have the new one, I’ll take the old one,” you offer and she rolls her eyes.

“Stop being chivalrous for five seconds and look at it, Romanoff-Rogers,” she says shoving it towards you. You turn it over in your hands and see your shield on the back.

“You painted this?” you ask and she nods with a grin. You smile at her briefly before pulling her by the waist and crashing your lips into hers. She freezes for a second before placing her hand on your neck and kissing you back.

“Finally!” Peter yells and you pull away.

“You have really shit timing Parker,” you groan before looking down at MJ.

“I guess that means you like it?” she says with a smile and you grin.

“I love it,” you say before pulling her in again.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @freerebel @prizmix-and-friends

series tag list: @hannahsairwave @niquey-salvatore @ibe-anne

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #Natasha Romanoff x kid!reader #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x daughter!reader #Steve Rogers x kid!reader #steve rogers #mj x reader #MJ imagine #michelle jones x reader #michelle jones imagine #michelle jones #peter parker #avengers imagine #avenger imagine #avengers #avengers x reader #Avengers kid fic #marvel imagine #marvel #marvel imagines #marvel kids #black widow x daughter!reader #captain America x daughter!reader #part of the family #part 8

[wizardouxie]

Evil Douxie AU Ash Dispersal Pattern is something I Have Not been able to stop thinking about. Just, whoever the leader is, seeing this moping emo kid working in a cafe and being like “ah. New recruit.” Douxie gets dragged along to a meeting somehow (cough Archie gently bullies him into going cough) and he picks up the guitar. For the first little while he’s grouchy and adamantly refuses to be pleasant or even civil. After he meets the old lady, his jabs start to get more friendly and 1/2

teasing and the band notices and responds in turn, until you eventually get an exchange like this: “aw, you know you love us” “...” “YOU DIDNT DENY IT” “waIT NO SHUT UP” “YOU LOVE US” etc etc and just,,, this group of college kids forcibly adopting Douxie makes me soft. How accurate would you say this is to your AU?? -M.H. Anon 2/2

VERY ACCURATE.

[ DISCLAIMER: This is... very very long. That’s all. ]

Ash Dispersal Pattern took a hard hit this year, losing their guitarist in a nasty fight after a gig. Because of that, they were forced to opt out from the Battle of the Bands. Of course then the end of the world happened three times, which also sucked.

But you know, life is too short so might as well say ‘screw it’ and find a new member right? The member that left can eat dirt for all they cared now. And so they put up flyers calling for auditions as a guitarist.

...no one shows up.

Okay so they gotta figure out a new plan. And what better place to do so than in a cafe? So here they are trying to figure out how to get a guitarist. Douxie shows up with their drinks and one of them goes “ayo what’s up!” only to receive a “tch” in response. They’re confused.

“Yo what’s his problem?”

“He’s probably having a rough day, maybe family issues?”

“I dunno man, but his hair looks sick as hell,”

And then it clicks to them. Maybe... him?

And now Douxie is surrounded by strangers that vaguely look around his age, well roughly give or take a few centuries, and he’s biting his tongue.

“I said no.” he replies firmly, backing away. He slings his jacket over his shoulder and eyes a stray black cat curled up nearby before heading on his way. Weirdos. A discussion immediately blows up among the members.

“Are you sure you wanna go with this guy? We’ve had our share of jerk guitarists,”

“Okay but can we talk about his hair? It’s so cool, I bet he has tattoos too,”

“Enough about the hair! Look this kid’s tryna play tough guy with us, but I think we can soften him up, it’ll just take some time.”

“Aight you’re the boss here, but if he screws us over, you’re taking responsibility,”

Archie overhears the conversation and smiles. These children seemed kind, and Douxie could use some normal friends. Nothing against the Arcadia gang, but they have more than enough on their plate and he can’t exactly force them to integrate the ex sorcerer into their friend group.

Douxie hates the idea. It’s stupid.

“You’ve already signed me up for two jobs and school. I don’t even need school! I have centuries worth of knowledge these mortals can’t even dream of knowing,”

“Yes, but we are trying to blend in, Douxie. And besides, I remember you used to play the lute. The guitar is quite similar I believe,”

“Arch I haven’t touched that instrument for god knows how long,”

“Have you forgotten how to play it then?”

Douxie goes quiet. Archie smiles. Well that makes his job much, much easier. He readjusts his glasses.

“I overheard their next meeting is this Thursday, and you’re going. Isn’t that convenient? You don’t work any shifts on that day. It’ll be good for you,”

“That’s what you say about everything!”

“Have I ever been wrong?”

Silence again. So Archie may have developed a talent for shutting up his familiar. He doesn’t really know if that’s a good thing, but it’s definitely frequent.

Thursday rolls in and Douxie shows up to rehearsal grudgingly. The members are surprised. He tells them not to get cozy; just wanted to try something new out. Luckily for him, the members had a backup guitar. The strings feel strange against his calloused hands but also familiar in a way. He strums a chord and a chorus of “ooooo”s fill the room.

“What? I’m competent,” he snaps. The leader raises her hand.

“Didn’t imply you weren’t.”

And so the first few weeks pass by without much conversation. Rehearsals weren’t so bad on the musical aspect; Douxie could play the guitar pretty effortlessly, much to their astonishment. They regularly complimented him even when he did things his own way rather than follow the sheet music. They rarely ever got a response though. Maybe a “hm” if they’re lucky.

Stage presence on the other hand... he was too stiff and lacked energy. Not to mention he constantly looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. This was where the others started to get slightly ticked off.

“He’s sucking the life out of us dude, like we’re Ash Dispersal Pattern and he’s the freaking vacuum!” the drummer complained

“He doesn’t even sing with us! It’s supposed to be a group effort,” the bass player added.

“Yeah... honestly playing without a guitarist seems better than this,” the vocalist muttered quietly. Everyone looked at them and then the leader.

The leader pinches her nose. So that’s what they all thought huh? And as much as majority would usually win, this wasn’t what she wanted, to lose someone at such an early stage. What they’ve got going is not bad; it just could be better.

“Look, I get it, we’ve had a hard year and him being difficult doesn’t help us. But don’t you think he’s having it hard too? And we’ve all been there before. We’ve had our fights with parents, schools, society and he’s clearly going through it. Right now our best course of action is to just let it pass and let him approach us instead of coming on too strong.”

“Ah so that’s why we chose you as the leader,” the bass player jokes. The leader rolls her eyes.

“Can it, buttsnack.”

Miracles start occurring after the introduction of the little old lady. Douxie no longer keeps on a straight face. Rather, his eyes wonder curiously, mouth forming expressions that he’s not even conscious of. One day the drummer catches him... pouting. Now that’s an expression he didn’t think he’d get to see. 

“You okay there, Hisirdoux? Something get you down?”

“The stairs,” he jokes halfheartedly. 

He gets startled when he hears the drumsticks rattle against the floor. The drummer is running upstairs, yelling. And then he comes back dragging the leader who’s looking at him with concern.

“Yo Hisirdoux my dude, tell her what you told me!” 

“He asked me if something got me down. I said the stairs. Thought it was funny,” the guitarist shrugs. The leader snorts.

“That’s the best you can do?” she comments smiling. Douxie returns the smile much to her surprise.

“Of course not, but do you deserve my best?” The drummer’s jaw drops. Oh snap. The leader on the other hand is very pleased. This is what she’s looking for.

Suddenly Douxie’s phone rings. He picks up while the others listen curiously. His face breaks out into a huge grin. It’s the little old lady.

“Hello love, I’ll pick you up in ten minutes, sound good? Just finishing up rehearsal,” he says softly.

The drummer wiggled his eyebrows at the leader.

“Ooooo we got a lovebird in the band!”

Douxie chokes. 

“Are you okay Douxie?”

“Yeah, yeah, something came up but I’ll be there okay!” He ends the call promptly and shakes his head furiously.

“Aww Douxie’s such a cute name, why can’t we call you that?”

“FIRST OF ALL SHE IS NOT, ahem, she is not my girlfriend. That would be awkward because she is um, sixty to seventy years old,” 

He doesn’t tell them that technically he is 919. The leader meanwhile, looks pointedly at the drummer who is slowly shrinking in his spot. Whoops. Bad call. Douxie looks at the clock. 5:20 pm. He starts packing up, slinging the guitar backpack over his shoulder.

But before he leaves, he surprises them one more time.

“You guys can call me Douxie or Doux too, by the way. The name is growing on me.”

Rehearsals are so much better after that. Douxie’s smiling and talking to them, performing much more animatedly and giving it his all. He still kinda jabs at them, but there’s no tension behind it.

Nowadays he practices at home instead of waiting for rehearsal. It’s a little hard to fit time what with schoolwork and shifts, but he makes it happen. Archie stares at him fondly. This was the life that Douxie needed. One with a balance between honest work and fun.

One day, Douxie brings in some takeout from the bistro. A little celebratory gift because Ash Dispersal Pattern finally got a successful gig after so long. They open up all the boxes, set out plates, napkins flying all over the place. It’s loud, chaotic, a little dirty, but it doesn’t matter to Douxie because he’s with his friends.

Wait.

“Dang Doux, you didn’t have to do all this but you did anyways. I bet you love us. don’t you?” the vocalist teased.

Douxie remains quiet. Friends. As in, people he really cares about and looks forward to spending time with. People who he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with. People who he --

“--LOVES US SHUT UP OH MY GOD!” the drummer yells, taking him back to reality. He looks at them with a smile and a shrug and suddenly he’s being attacked with hugs. They’re all screaming about how he’s always been soft and loved them from the start.

And then he’s crying. Everyone starts to panic and they’re scrambling off of him, asking him if he’s okay, if what they did was too much or anything like that. He shakes his head, trying to wipe his tears. It’s just... he’s never been held like this by so many people and for so long. He was so touch starved that he didn’t know what to do with this much love and appreciation. Quite frankly it’s been so long since it felt like he was truly wanted. 

He tells them it’s okay, really, he was just a little overwhelmed. But now the craving for their touch is so much stronger.

“Can you hold me again like that? Just for a bit? It was nice,” he asks timidly and they nod eagerly. Within ten minutes, they fall asleep in each other’s arms. Archie quietly pulls a blanket over them and sleeps on Douxie’s lap.

His work here is done.

#this is so long omg #but i promise it's very cute #toa #tales of arcadia #toa wizards #tales of arcadia wizards #wizards #hisirdoux casperan #hisirdoux #douxie #archie #M.H anonnie #evil douxie

[springmagpies]

My Uncle Reacts to AoS Season 4

So, instead of getting chores done this morning, my uncle and I finished Season 4 of Agents of Shield. Here are his reactions! Enjoy! Fair warning, it is a long post because Steve had a lot of feelings.

4x01

Before the episode: I’m guessing Coulson was like “I got too close to the situation and could no longer be impartial.” And then he passed over the title of director to May or that general guy. Talbot! That’s his name.

He’s like ghost rider is all. Holy crap he is ghost rider! I didn’t realize he was marvel.

Why’d they have to break up the band?

I am concerned about the robots.

Well, ghost rider is badass.

4x02

“You’re an engineer Mack. And a small tank.” Bwhahahahahaha, that’s so true.

The director is Talbot. Ooooh, not Talbot. Someone new.

Oh, Daisy has a picture of Lincoln. I miss him.

May is not okay. May needs a nap.

I still can’t get over Mack offering that maybe they’re just ghosts. Fitzsimmons faces were amazing.

Mace is such a politician.

4x03

*Lincoln is mentioned* Owwwwwww

I love the Phil, Mack, and Fitz team up.

Wow, Fitz is badass this episode.

Okay, so Elena is amazing. That shot with the light was awesome!

4x04

Fitzsimmons moving in together, count me in.

I see where Daisy is coming from, but not awesome that she’s using her friends and then leaving.

Come on Daisy! Come home.

Heylo? Hahahahaha

Radcliffe, I don’t think telling the android it’s okay to lie sometimes is a good idea.

What’s that face she’s giving? Oh shit, is she feeling things? Is she feeling things for Fitz. That’s not good.

I don’t trust James. *moments later* Called it.

Yes, Mack, two fire dudes just fell into fireworks.

Jemma for sure knows she’s an android.

“I prefer a classical beauty myself.” Awww, Fitz.

4x05

Oh, Fitz, a high five will not fix her being mad at you. Trust me.

“I’m sure they have it under control.” *cuts to chaos* Okay, that’s the best transition of the whole show.

Robbie, please don’t go after that guy. Just keep going please. Dammit. Why can no one just follow instructions in Shield.

Way to go Jemma! But what happened with Mace?? What did he do?

May had a heart to heart with her and she’s still leaving? Is Daisy really going to leave after all of this? She can’t, right?

Robbies uncle is going to get sucked into that book. Yeah, look at his expression. That’s not good at all is it.

Well that senator sucks.

4x06

*Mace mad at Coulson* Daaaang

Fitz is so smart. He would be a millionaire if he was an inventor or something. But he just wants to help people.

Wait, shit, Eli is bad!

*Fitz, Coulson, and Robbie disappear* Oh no!!!! Wait, that’s how the episode ends! Noooo!!

4x07

Shit, where are they.

Oh, so that’s where they are. That’s not good.

“I have to phone Simmons to tell her... I’m in another dimension.” Bwhahahahaha oh no.

That’s not Mack. Holy shit!

“Oh Mack’s the ghost rider no big deal. But you can’t hear us.” Oh my god, these lines are amazing.

The dialogue this episode is fantastic.

No!!!!! Don’t give the darkhold to Radcliffe. He’s already so morally grey!!!

Fitz is going to hit Mace

Aww, Fitzsimmons

There’s some flirtation with Phil and Melinda going on.

Have we seen who’s in that photo Mack is looking at? Hope?

Oh hey Robbie, how was hell.

Ummm, is Aida building a brain? Is she corrupted. Yep. She’s corrupted. We’ve got a corrupted android. Great.

4x08

Coulson’s comedic timing is everything.

Oof, Robbie is not having a good time.

“Oh yeah, Fitz solved that” Of course he did. He’s Fitz.

*Badass Fitzsimmons duo scene* They truly are a dynamic duo aren’t they. That shot was awesome!

*Daisy looking at Robbie’s car* well, you’ve got a sweet car.

*Mackelena finally kiss* gasps. There it is!

*Aida kills Nathanson* Oh dears.

*Reveal that May is an LMD* Wait wait wait. Holy shit. Oh shit. Damn.

4x09

Aida’s so sweet to May. And she sweetly killed Nathanson like it was nothing. Not creepy at all.

Once again Mack’s lines are amazing.

Yeah, don’t attack the android guys. Not a good idea.

“Why would you want to hurt me Leopold.” Aaaah haaaa, umm. No.

“Well, Simmons has only been kidnapped twice on this planet.” Hahahahahahaha that’s hilarious.

Smart people are stupid. That’s amazing.

*Aida freezes may* AAAH, she doesn’t even know she’s a robot!

*Radcliffe reveal* O. M. G. He’s corrupted. He played them. Asshole. Dammit he read it for just a second! No!

This is a good part of the show! I’m really enjoying this.

4x10

What the heck’s in that brief case?

And Radcliffe is now super creepy.

Poor Fitz, he doesn’t know his friend totally betrayed him.

“I did this to protect you.” Awww, Fitz. I mean, let’s not make robots, but that’s still really sweet. He just wanted to protect Simmons and everyone.

*May wakes up* Jesus, god May. She’s a badass. Imagine waking up like that! God! That’s terrifying.

“I can’t help feeling like somethings off.” Yeah, May, you aren’t real.

Mace isn’t an inhuman! Oh damn.

*Fitz analyzing Aida’s head* Uh oh Fitz.

“Is it weird that I found that attractive?” Hahahahahahahaha. Fantastic.

*Coulson back in charge* hell yeah!

*May finds out she’s an LMD* Aaaaaaah! Well, that’s an existential crisis.

4x11  

Does Radcliffe have more of them? Because he just happened to have May.

*May waking up over and over again* Feels like I’m watching The Good Place.  

*Aida breaks a glass* That’s concerning that a robot would make a mistake like that.

*Hope reveal* Oh that’s awful! Poor Mack.

Whose the other LMD?

*Radcliffe LMD reveal* Ohhhh noooo. Poor Fitz.

4x12

Hey! I was wondering where the lanyard guys were!

“You’re going all Gollumy again” bwhahahahaha that’s amazing

“I’ve lost too much already, I’m not losing you.” Awww, Phil.

*Robo Radcliffe talks about Fitz’s past* Oh my gosh, that explains so much. Oh Fitz! Screw Fitz’s dad.

How many Koenigs are there?

Awww, baby Fitz!—Maggie

I bet that’s his real mom too!—Steve

Fitz and Simmons are cute!

*Philinda kiss* Noooo! She’s a robot!

“Sorry, you weren’t meant to last” Radcliffe you ass. You evil ass.

4x13

*Agnes reveal* Eeeek, creepy. That’s who she’s based on!

Wait, is she really Australian? Damn, she does a great American accent.  

Mace really got the short end of the stick in a lot of this didn’t he.

*Shockley gets turned into an inhuman* Oooh shit.

Did they just put Shockley on the plane. The dude that blows up? Well, damn.

*Fitzsimmons realize Shockley is the bomb* Way to go dynamic duo. Now gooooo! Oh, they’re going. Simmons pushing Fitz is amazing.

Aaaaaah! Fitz! Fitz and Mace!

*Fitzsimmons hug* Awww. I know I’ve said it before but they’re cute.

Noooo! Mace! Shit they kidnapped Mace!

*Aida takes put on Agnes’s necklace* Ewwwww, creepy. Creepy creepy creepy! Aaah.

4x14

*The superior walking* He must have this ‘I’m so cool face’ on at all times.

Aww, is Radcliffe in there to be with Agnes. That’s so sad.

*Flashback with Phil and May* Aww, May is all playful. It’s before the sad times.

*Mace chained* that’s not great for your circulation.

They’re going to kill Mace. No, don’t kill Mace.

“Morales, you’re with me.” Uh oh, Morales. More redshirts with names making me nervous.

“You’ve enhanced yourself with alien technology.” Actually Fitz built his hand.

“Cool origin story, bro.” Okay, that’s incredible.

“Concern only slightly lessened.” Davis is just like ‘thanks dude.’ Fantastic.

Mack doesn’t need super powers to be a badass.

*LMD reveal* Holy shit. Holy shiiiit. They switched out all four of them??? All four??? Holy shiiiit. Fitzsimmons are all alone. Aaaahaaa.

“Even filth has a purpose.” Ewwww, and she’s leaning over him like that. So creeeeppyyy. Eewwww.

“He’s a shrink.” Oh awwww. It’s Andrew. She falls in love with him.

Well I guess Phil and Melinda’s robots can be together. Kind of weird but okay.

Oh my god, this is stressing me out!!!

‘Even filth has a purpose.” Gaaah, ewww. I’m still thinking about it.

So is Radcliffe even in control anymore? Or is he too preoccupied with the framework to care. Like, is Aida just doing whatever the heck she wants now because that’s unsettling.

4x15

Where are all of them? Oh they’re in the framework. Uh oh.

Ewwww, Aida is evil! He’s (Ivanov) alive and she’s cutting into him.

Aaah, they’ve got them surrounded. It’s so creepy.

This is some body snatchers shit.

*fitzsimmons LMD scene* *Steve biting his nails with wide eyes* oh my god that was awful.

*Steve rewinds to rewatch the LMD scene* they’re so good. And it hurt so much to see Fitz go so cold. Owwww. Because it was him and how he would act and then it just shuts off. Ugh, they’re so good.

*Jemma stabbing Fitz scene* Oh he’s thought about getting married. Oh my god, that’s so awful. So disturbing. That hurts. They’re so talented.

*Daisy LMDs* Ohhhh that’s so disturbing. This is all so disturbing. Oh my gosh.

*Daisy and Jemma scene* Awwww, they found the only other person to trust. That’s so sweet. Gosh, that was also a brilliantly acted scene.

They’re all such good actors. All of them.

God, this is all so disturbing.

*Aida kills Radcliffe* oh shit. Aaaaah. That’s so creepy.

“Because you and Fitz belong together.” Thats the truth.

“Their poor base” -Maggie

“And they just retiled the bathrooms.” -Steve

Ooh, quake jump, that’s so cool.

*Slow motion quake* That’s sooo badasssss!

*Davis flying the Zephyr* Aah, Davis. Careful. He just started training.

*LMD May blows up the base.* oooh ho.  Damn.

“Lincoln?” Oh noooo. That’s awful.

*Ward reveal* Whaaaaat?

*Coulson reveal* Whaaaaaat?

*Mack reveal* oh nooo, he’s got his daughter.

*Fitz reveal* Whaaaaaat? But, damn.

*Jemma reveal* Whaaaaaaaaat? She’s in a grave? Who’s in the car with Fitz?

*May reveal* is she an avenger? *Hydra logo appears* Waaaaait. Whaaaaaaaaat?

What the hell is going on. What the hell? What is this place. Are they all evil? Some of them evil? Mack isn’t evil right?

*Ivanov’s head* Ewwww creepy.

Whaaaat the helllll. As Fitz would say *does Fitz impression* what the hell?

Dammit why do I have to put the kids to bed!! I want to watch the next episode!! Gosh dang it.

That’s disturbing count: around 15

4x16

“Skye?” Skye??? Skye!!!

*Logo* ooooh, agents of hydra

“You’re on another planet this morning.” Yeah, she is. No shit Ward.

*Daisy looks up Lincoln* Awwww. Owwwww.

*Jemma jumps from the grave.* Lucky she was in a shallow grave.

They’re having a bad week.

Vijay isn’t real. He’s at the bottom of the ocean.

*Ward punches Vijay* wait, did he want him to stop talking? Hmmm.

*Coulson class scene* Aaaahhaa that’s not awful at all.

*May Bahrain reveal* oh shit, it changed that much! Shit.

“We’ve got him doctor” Radcliffe? *Fitz reveal*  Ooooh nooo! Noooo! Shit, noooo! Jemma died and he went all dark. Nooooo.

“It’s a magical place.” Oh damn!

“My father used to say...” Shit, does Fitz have his dad’s influence?????

*Ward double agent reveal* Ooooooh! Shiiit. That’s so interesting!!

“This isn’t the framework this is hell” Jemma’s so pissed.

“Drones, Dwarves. Whatever.” Awww, Jemma’s heart just broke right there.

Are they stuck in the framework! Well shit!

*Fitz and Aida kiss* Ewwww. I mean it makes sense in this world because of course she’s using Fitz but ewww.

She replaced Jemma with herself. That’s not creepy at all.

“Daisy?” Aaaah! He remembers!

This place is messed up! Interesting, but messed up!

4x17

“I make my own soap now.” Bwhahahahahaha. That’s amazing.

Aww, Mack has his daughter. And she’s adorable. Oh no!

Ophelia? Oooh, she’s got her own name.

“I’d cross the universe for you.” Ewwww! Noooo. He literally crossed the universe for Jemma.

*Fitz and Aida make out* *Maggie screams and Steve shivers* But why is Fitz so hot in the framework though—Maggie *Steve nods*

“The soap made me do it.” Bwhahahahaha

*Mace reveal* Aaaaah! Mace! He’s all gruff now and an inhuman! He got everything that he ever wanted.

“And we’ll make our society great again.” Ewwwwwwwhewe!

This is so interesting! I’m really liking it!

*Mack and hope get taken by Hydra* that’s so awful! That is so disturbing!

Coulson is so nerdy, I love it.

“You’re Daisy Johnson. We’re agents of shield.” Mack remembers.

*Revealed that Mack doesn’t remember* No! Shit.

*Fitz kills Agnes* *sharp intake of breath, Steve stays silent for a very long time.*

*Mack joins Shield* Good job Mack.

“How do you feel?”-Maggie.

Steve quietly: “sick.”

4x18

I love how Mace is all scruffy and his suits all scratched.

Aaah, evil Fitz makes me sad.

*Jemma seeing Mack and Hope* Yeah, it’s an oh shit moment.

“Tell your old man all about it.” *Steve gasps* Oh no.

“I don’t know the kind of man I’d be without you father.” “That’s why I’m here.” Yep, to brainwash him.

TRIP!

*Brainwash room* Oh no! It’s the other kid too! No!

MACE! Noooo! Why would Aida do that. She’s so evil.

That’s so messed up.

*May used Terrigen on Daisy* Yes. Good job May. And hopefully it’ll heal her in the process.

4x19

Ha, Bakshi has a tv show.

Aww, mace is dead. He was a good man.

*Daisy quakes Aida out a window* *Steve laughs* That took her by surprise didn’t it.

“It’s like sipping poison...” Mmm, Fox News.

“You’re the new head of hydra” Yikes.

*Ward throws remote* Umm, you guys have limited remotes!

*Steve pauses show* I don’t like any of this. It’s interesting but I hurt inside. It hurts that Fitz is evil. Mace is dead. Agnes is dead. Radcliffe is in prison. May was evil. I’m sad.

Aww, Coulson all of a sudden became that paternal leader.

Wait, so she totally used Fitz in like every way. What a jerk.

Trips the best.

Sorry Ward. She wants to feel bad for you but she can’t.

So much Scottishness this season. I love it.

*Radcliffe yells at Alistar* yep, because you’re a worthless asshole ya jerk. Oof, he just throat punched Radcliffe.

Aww, Coulson is coming into his own.

“When this is over-“ Do I get Skye! “Do I get my Skye back?” Called it!

I liked that scene with Grant. It was the redemption that the other Ward didn’t deserve but this one did. It was nice. Also really well acted.

“Hydra giving alternative facts.” Ooooh, they’re calling them out. They are so not fans of Trump and it’s amazing.

*Coulson on the news* This is Shield’s please vote! Please vote.

That was amazing.

4x20

Yeah, I hate all of this.

This all hurts.

*Fitz talks to Radcliffe* Come on Radcliffe, please don’t betray us. Please.

*Jemma kills Alistair* Well, that’s not going to help us.

“I’m sure everything is fine.” It is not. Simmons killed Fitz’s dad.

I hate this. It’s fascinating and I hate it. She’s just made him mad. God, no.

*Trip saying goodbye* Awww, this hurts. He’s goneeee in our world. Whyyyyy.

Is Aida trying to build her spine *body being built on the other side* Ohhh. Damn.

*Coulson gets shot* SHIT

*Coulson wakes up* You’re going to have to fight a killer robot, Phil.

*May wakes up* Awww she did it! She followed him!!

*Radcliffe redeems himself* Yes! Radcliffe! Yes! Thank you!

*Fitz falls through* Thank God!

Thank you Radcliffe.

*Mack not coming with* Maggie, I really don’t like this.

Oh gosh, Fitz is so freaked out. They’re all so freaked out. Aaah, Aida!

*Aida and Fitz teleport* Well that was unexpected.

I feel really ill. Like, this hurts a lot. I hurt a lot.

It’s like The Red Wedding but drawn out over 4 episodes and I hurt.

4x21

Before the episode: I came into the framework so optimistic and it crushed me. Like I thought May was an avenger and then it was like hahaha pain.

Oh yeah! And then she teleported with Fitz. JERK!

Fitz really got screwed by the framework didn’t he.

*Coulson kills Robo Ivanov with a shield* WOAHHH!!! That was amazing! ...and disturbing.

*Coulson recounts what happened with Robbie Reyes* BWHAHAHAHAHA. It sounds so ridiculous when you recount it but it’s so amazing watching it.

Will she stop teleporting Fitz! He already feels sick!

Yeaaaah, giving Fitz his abuser back and replacing the woman he loves with yourself is not what would make him happy Aida!

“If he wanted to kill us he could just flood the place. Why is he stalling.” TO FLOOD THE PLACE, PHIL!

“I drank the bottle of Haig” “you piece of—“ *Steve can’t stop laughing*

*Mack almost drowning* Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. OH SHIT.

*Fitz and Aida rescuing mack* THANK GOD.

*Jemma shoots Aida* well, yeah.

*Jemma shoots Fitz* Love ya Fitz, sorry man.

“What do we do with Fitz?” Talk to him!!

“I’m just like Ward.” Oh ho, that hurts.

“There’s only room in my heart for her.” YES! Oh shit, Aida’s not happy.

OH SHIT!

NO DAVIS! DAVIS!

*Toddler starts crying IRL over a toy* Now imagine if we gave her powers.That’s what’s happening with Aida.

*Fitzsimmons pod scene* oww

*Yoyo plugs herself into the framwork* This is a mess.

*Aida throws bottle in anger* His vodka!

*Aida and Ivanov scene* Aaah! Inhuman robot sex. Oh. Nope. Murder.

*Robbie comes back* Welcome back buddy! SHIELD shit has hit the fan.

4x22

“How do we kill Aida?” Hell chains? I’m thinking hell chains.

*Robbie waiting for Shield* Hello, back from another dimension? No way, us too!

Well Radcliffe is screwed if the framework is falling apart.

“I’ll talk to him. He’ll remember me.” No he won’t Elena. Wish he would though.

*Robo!Daisy shoots Talbot* *Steve sits with his mouth open* NO!! I mean, he could be annoying but he was a good man! And he’s been around since season 1!

“There’s a pulse.” How? Yay! But how?

“Once you say you can’t stop me. Well—“ it’s like when you say you feel safe on Survivor and then get voted off the island.

*Daisy & Robbie team up* Boom bitches!! That was super cool!

Mack’s not going to leave until Hope de-materializes. And that sucks ass.

“Robot May was much more supportive.” HA! That’s amazing.

EVERYTHING’S A MESS AND EVERYONE IS HURT AND DIE AND PAIN AND OWW AND THINGS.

Maggie: “What?”

Steve: “You heard me.”

*Aida kills LMD!Jemma* WHAT! What the hell? I feel so sick. Oh thank god she’s an LMD! But I feel ill.

Eeeewwwww the kiss Aida gave Fitz on the cheek is so disturbing.

*Jemma shoots Aida* YES! AWESOME!

*Coulson ghost rider reveal* HOLY SHIT THAT’S AMAZING! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

*Aida dies* Well that was awesome and terrible and poor everyone.

They really do a great job of making you feel sick don’t they.

*Mack and Hope scene*

Maggie: “you okay?”

Steve: *wipes away tear* no.

Wait, is there more to Coulson’s deal with the Ghost Rider?

“Gave me a glimpse of the life I could have here.” Oooh! Mack and Elena! She did almost die for him. They’re in love.

*Robbie having to leave* He and Daisy couldn’t like kiss before he left? No? Fine.

*Daisy speech to Fitz* someone hug him, please!

*Diner scene* Whaaaat?

We’re in space next season!!?? Whooo!!

They’re all so messed up after all of this. I feel messed up after all of this.

#steve reacts to aos #personal nonsense #agents of shield #season 4

[lotionalt-writeherman]

A lot of people on the GoT tag like “I expected too much” and “knew there’d be some bullshit ending” but I want to stop that. Because NO. No. You did NOT expect too much. You expected a well-written season that accurately portrayed the characters and show. Like you’ve been getting for years. Like they promised. 

This show has been epic. EPIC. Nearly every fan will tell you, at least up through season six, that this is the best show ever made. And they were right. Because this shit WAS good. We had incredible character arcs, complex plot to go with them, and absolutely beautiful endings. Everything has always come together. It’s always seemed somewhat fitting, or at least made sense looking back. It’s always been one of those things where you scream when it happens, but then later you’re like yeah, it sucked, but looking back I get how we got here. (When Jon was stabbed by the Night’s Watch. When Joffrey was poisoned by Olenna. When Tyrion killed his dad, then Shae. Hell, the Red Wedding, even. When Jon turns out to be a Targaryen) 

And that was good writing. Like, real, quality writing. Characters may have been doing dumb shit, but it made sense for those characters. 

This season? 

Everything went south. I don’t know exactly what happened, to be honest. Maybe it’s because they’re not following the books. Maybe it’s because they’re trying to cram two books worth of plot in one season. 

Either way, it’s garbage. 

Let’s go through the characters they’ve done wrong, shall we? 

Tyrion. Tyrion is the clever one. He’s always a step or two ahead, can always see what’s going on. And this season and the last he’s been... what? Not doing that. Like, really not doing that. His whole thing is that he can’t fight, but he can think. That’s what he has going for him. And in just this episode, he’s not seen Sansa’s reveal of the secret for what it so obviously is, told Varys (literally everyone saw that one coming), and freed Jaime to help their sister (who is evil, whom Tyrion hates) escape. That’s just this episode. What happened?

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention how literally no one in Winterfell was like, “hey, maybe we shouldn’t put all the people who can’t fight where the dead people are. Because, you know, the dead people can come back to life, and we all know that, but we’re ignoring it.” You’re telling me Sansa and Tyrion BOTH overlooked that shit? When every idiot on Twitter was talking about it the MINUTE it was mentioned in Ep 2? Nah. 

Jon. To be fair, Jon’s been pretty in character for what we know about him. He found a queen, he’s loyal to her because he’s loyal and that’s his thing. But how about when Sansa is like “yo, shouldn’t we let our guys rest, since they just fought like a billion dead guys?” and jon’s like, nah, whatever Dany said? I’m calling bullshit. Also this last episode I feel like he kind of does nothing. Which isn’t Jon’s style. He’s a do-er, always has been. And he’s a leader. Yes, he respects Dany and even cares for her, but I find it hard to believe he’s really going to just... step back. and ignore everything she’s doing. and not offer an opinion, like, ever. That’s not his style, it’s never been his style. Ever since he arrived on the Wall, the one thing we know about Jon Snow is that he can’t keep his mouth shut if he thinks something is wrong. And we’re just going to... ignore that?

Jaime. I kind of don’t want to do him, because my boy got done so clearly wrong and everyone is doing him. But whatever, I’ll state the obvious. We had about 3 seasons of pure character development for him, where Jaime was learning that he still had honor, PROVING he still had honor. By himself. No Cersei, just Jaime out there in the world not being an asshole. Because he is honorable. Remember King’s Landing, when he earned ‘Kingslayer?’ Remember when he promised Catelyn he’d protect her girls, and he really did do everything, including betraying Cersei, to keep that promise? Remember when he lost his hand to stop Brienne from being raped? Remember when he leaves Cersei to join the army in the North because he doesn’t want millions to die? So excuse me if it makes no logical sense for the man to decide ‘fuck it, honor what honor imma go fuck my sister again.’ Because he’s changed. They made a point to show us the lengths to which he’s changed. And then the ending he’s given is basically ‘I only care about you, Cersei, I don’t care about the thousands dying in king’s landing.’ That’s disrespect, yo. DISRESPECT. 

Dany. Again, this one’s obvious. And honestly, from what I’ve seen, pretty much everyone can agree that this shit was dumb. Yeah, there were hints that she could someday go crazy. Yeah, she said some stuff seasons ago about burning cities. You know what else she did, though? She saw slavery. She saw how it hurt the individual person, the people, and she wanted it gone. So she ended it, because it was wrong. She spent whole seasons trying not to be her father, to be just. At literally the first sign that her dragons were hurting innocents (burned that one kid) she locked them all up. Because she couldn’t stand to see innocent people hurt. She sees the wrong in her father’s actions, because she knows that he wanted to kill normal, everyday, innocent people. He wanted to burn them all, but all of them dying wasn’t justice, and that’s always been what she’s wanted: justice. Even the Tarlys got a choice: bend the knee or die. In her mind, it was justice. She let them choose, even after they initially fought against her. But then, this season, she flips all that? Goes back on the claim of not wanting to be “queen of the ashes”? Burns the entire city to the ground, including her own troops? No. 

I know that she’s sad because Jorah is dead, because Missandei is dead, because it looks like her advisors have betrayed her, like Jon doesn’t want to be with her. So she’s upset because she’s alone. And that makes sense. You can get a little depressed over it. But she wins. She gets there. She has King’s Landing in the palm of her hand, and instead of going in and taking the Iron Throne like a boss, she completely disrespects the memory of all those who have died for her and burns everything and everyone. Missandei said “dracarys” as her final word, which has been the justification for this decision. But for Dany to take her words to mean “burn the city and every kid in here to the ground” is just as absurd as assuming Missandei would ever want that. Dany knew this girl. She’s had her with her for years at this point. That’s not what she would’ve wanted. It all goes back to justice. That’s what Missandei wanted. That’s what Dany has always wanted. And burning King’s Landing wasn’t it. Continuity is nonexistent for Daenerys here. It’s just gone. 

And I’ll say, again, what everyone has been saying: if this had been set up better, I wouldn’t be mad. I think Dany as a mad queen, set up properly in the narrative, would’ve been fine. I’ve always liked Dany, but I’m not saying any of this because she’s my favorite. She’s not. But I can still see that the way that this was done, in the span of three episodes, didn’t work. There isn’t enough evidence to support this yet. If there had been actions, real actions, even just through the last season that could hint at this, fine. I would’ve accepted it. It’s kind of a cool way for this to go, honestly, if done correctly. But it wasn’t, and that’s what my problem with it is. She was set up as a character with a code of values, a strong belief in justice for wrongdoers and relief for innocents, and has consistently shown through her actions that she follows that code. You can’t completely change a character arc in a span of three episodes based on her actions of justice against those who have clearly wronged her, at least in her mind. That’s not how you write characters. 

Where the actual hell is the decent writing? Because the only cool things this season have been from previous seasons. Like Jon is Aegon Targaryen. That shit was WILD. I loved it. I loved how it’d been set up, everything. But like... that’s it.That’s the only cool thing set up this season. Everything else is this surface level bullshit. It feels like a soap opera. Where is the scheming? Where is the intricate plot weaving that’s been a part of this show since day one? That’s the reason we’re here. That. Not because we like it when characters die, because we want flashy battles and dragon scenes. Those are nice, but not why this show blew up like it did. This show is so impressive because it’s smart. Not because it’s big or gruesome or shocking. Because it’s smart. I feel like that was obvious to everyone. You should’ve known that. You had eight seasons to set up this incredible ending. You knew it was coming. 

Instead, you ignored the previous seasons. The plots, the characters. All the potential there. You had years to plan. You saw the theories, the ideas everywhere. And because you were so intent on being impressive, on surprising everybody and doing something no one expected, you fucked up. Instead of focusing on delivering quality, you focused on shock value. “No one ever thought of this,” You said proudly. No one thought of this because no one thought you would be this fucking stupid.

So.. yeah. fuck d&d. :)

#game of thrones #got #got spoilers #game of thrones spoilers #jonerys #jaime #cersei lannister #jaime x cersei #jaime lannister #tyrion #dany #daenerys targaryen #jon snow

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE UNDOING

You guys. Remember that time I said I was going to try to watch new movie releases and do more wig reviews in preparation for the weirdest Oscar season ever? Well instead I watched a lot of prestige TV. So. Here we are! Movies be damned, there are a lot of tv shows with women in bad red wigs and I watched them! The Undoing is one of those shows. Having already suffered through two whole seasons of Nicole Kidman in another David E. Kelley prestige HBO show (AND THE HORROR OF HER WIGS!) I wasn’t sure if I could stomach another one, but you guys - this one is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It’s in NYC and her wig is curly not straight!!! Let’s discuss (and a whole lot more!) I will be going episode by episode...

Episode 1: The Undoing

First off, I love that this episode name is just the same name as the show. I can already tell we are in for some real creativity with this show! Anyway, we meet Nicole Kidman who probably has a character name but who cares! She is super rich and married to Hugh Grant which I absolutely love as a fan of the Paddington movies - she is the villain in the first one and he is in the second - and this show already feels like a villain supergroup movie because I definitely hate both of them. They’re both doctors, their palatial house looks like a magazine, and they have a seemingly well adjusted tween who doesn’t look like either of them (but he is the kid actor from A Quiet Place and Ford v Ferrari so ok I guess he can act?) Their one problem is that said kid wants a dog but they can’t have one because Nicole Kidman tells the kid that Hugh Grant once accidentally allowed his family dog to run into traffic and his family blamed him and that definitely sounds like a lie! A big little lie!!!

Speaking of which, Nicole Kidman’s wig. As we know from my harrowing journey through her Big Little Lies wig, David E. Kelley likes her as a redhead and I hate all her wigs. This wig harkens back to the 90s when she was still a scientologist and didn’t wear wigs all the time (what a different time!) Unlike back then, Kidman now has a new terrifying face to match her terrifying wigs. Truly, I don’t know what plastic surgeon she pissed off but her mouth is in a constant Joker grin and she is barely able to move parts of her face anymore? The wig is a tangled mess but the true horror is the seamwork - the part is from places not real and also imagined and the texture is something close to a Halloween fright wig.

Which brings me to the real theme of this show: Nicole Kidman’s addiction to midweight duster coats. She owns them all, y’all. We first see her in this green velvet number which looks like a robe, spans no seasons, and also carries you nowhere. BUT paired with this red curly mess, it does look like she is paying homage to Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus, and for that I say: amen. And also: PLEASE PUT A HEX ON THIS ENTIRE SHOW PLEASE.

Now to the plot??? Nicole Kidman sends her kid to a fancy schmancy private school and she is on some fundraiser committee with her only gal pal, Lily Rabe (praise be!) plus some other harpies that definitely won’t matter to the rest of this show at all. Also present is a new interloper of indeterminate ethnicity who has the audacity to be young, attractive, bearing curly hair WITHOUT a wig, and a small child who she has to feed from her own perfect bosom. THE HARPIES ARE SO PISSED BY BREASTFEEDING Y’ALL.

Anyway, this interloper chick is definitely weird and shows up at Nicole Kidman’s gym (where she does rigorous foot pointing exercises and somehow tames her wig back, kind of). The chick approaches Kidman in the buff with a combination of aggressiveness and openness that makes Nicole Kidman really uncomfortable though I definitely choose to believe that she’s mainly intimidated by bitch’s non-wigged hair.

Fast forward to the school fundraiser where Nicole Kidman switches up her midweight duster coat obsession for a friggin cape IF YOU CAN EVEN and all the harpies are present in their best dresses which could all definitely be worn to the Golden Globes and somehow the interloper is there also in a gown. HOW DARE SHE! THE HARPIES ARE PISSED! So is the vile Donald Sutherland (Nicole Kidman’s dad who just HATES Hugh Grant for reasons unknown). 

But Hugh Grant leaves for a medical conference just as....dun dun dun....the interloper is murdered!!! ALSO NICOLE KIDMAN CAN’T REACH HUGH GRANT. Also he left his cellphone in a random junk drawer! I refuse to believe this magazine apartment has a junk drawer! Kidman’s wig magically stays halfway up without use of pins or elastics because that is just how horrifying this wig is! This show is so stupid!

Episode 2: The Missing

So Hugh Grant is fully on the lam and mainly NOT at that medical conference which may or may no exist but Nicole Kidman is not interested in googling it and that hot interloper remains to be murdered. Also Nicole Kidman’s wig is still a tangle of complete and utter nonsense AS IS THIS SHOW. Also this wig has two settings: dried out desert or oily sweat lodge. This episode starts on sweat lodge. Anyway, Nicole Kidman goes looking around for Hugh Grant and only finds more questions at his hospital and then goes to her job where she is kind of an ineffectual couples counselor. Also David E Kelley/Nicole Kidman prestige HBO shows I guess always require some couples counseling that is highly questionable.

ANYWAY! I forgot to mention that the lead investigator in this murder is Edgar Ramirez who is hot but also kind of shifty. He starts questioning Nicole Kidman about all kinds of crap involving Hugh Grant and then lays down some hard truths: HUGH GRANT SUCKS!!! He got fired from his hospital job curing children’s cancer after he got too close to one of his patients’ moms and DUH IT’S THE HOT INTERLOPER. Nicole Kidman has to gather a calming circle of midweight duster coats to even deal with this new development. 

I really love that Hugh Grant is basically just starring as himself in the mid 90s (REMEMBER DIVINE BROWN?) and I’m kind of here for it. Regardless, Hugh Grant is now the prime suspect in this whole mess and Nicole Kidman’s beautiful magazine apartment is now being completely pulled apart and all she can do is look at her terrifying face and touch it with her terrifying talons and pack up all her midweight duster coats and get the eff out of there. BUT TO WHERE?! 

DUH NICOLE KIDMAN OWNS A BEACH HOUSE OBVS. So she drives out there and is somehow able to braid her damn wig! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. THE WIG IS VERY UPSET ABOUT IT AS AM I. She and her tangled tiny braid (she has so much hair in that wig - why is the braid so small??) stare out into the ocean a lot and ignore her child. Also new coat alert and this one is PLAID!!!

And then Hugh Grant shows up and is super creepy and chokey. He tries to explain his actions and confirms his affair with hot interloper which is basically just all a plot synopsis of Fatal Attraction but says that he definitely did NOT murder her. WE SHALL SEE ABOUT THAT. Nicole Kidman calls 911 anyway. 

Episode 3: Do No Harm

OMG GUYS THIS EPISODE STARTS WITH EDGAR RAMIREZ SHOWING UP AT NICOLE KIDMAN’S BEACH HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER. How much money is the NYPD really willing to spend on Hugh Grant? All of it? Anyway, Hugh Grant ends up in jail (which is not as fabulous as his prison time in Paddington 2) and we find out that he fathered that baby the hot (murdered) interloper had and willfully breastfed in front of those harpies in episode 1. THIS SHOW IS WILD AND ALSO STUPID.

Speaking of wild and stupid, Nicole Kidman visits Hugh Grant at Rikers and we are led to believe that Rikers Island has a COAT CHECK?!?!?! Look: she shows up in one of her millions of midweight duster coats and in the visiting room she has none. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SHOW?!?!?! THIS ALSO HAPPENS TWICE BECAUSE THEY CHECK BOTH HER AND HER SON’S COATS THE SECOND TIME WHAT.

Hugh Grant maintains his innocence and somehow Nicole Kidman’s bent ass wig is convinced and they hire a fabulous defense lawyer which the vile Donald Sutherland is none too thrilled about paying for and spends lots of quiet time at the Frick Museum about it also WTF show you’re willing to pay for the Frick and not frickin wigs. Also Nicole Kidman is confronted by the hot interloper’s husband and it does not go over well. No social interactions in this show make any sense, also.

In the end, Nicole Kidman gets ANOTHER midweight duster coat, Edgar Ramirez questions Nicole Kidman AGAIN but this time with video surveillance footage of her walking outside the hot interlopers studio...the night she was murdered and YES IN THAT DAMN CAPE. WAIT WHAT?! Also even in surveillance footage, Nicole Kidman’s wig is a mess.

Episode 4: See No Evil

This episode introduces the idea that Nicole Kidman really likes taking walks. Long walks, nighttime walks, sleepwalks? Nobody knows, especially Nicole Kidman. When asked why she was walking near the murdered interloper’s studio, Nicole Kidman just kinda shrugs and says “I take walks!” AND EVERYONE BELIEVES HER!!! WTF IS THIS SHOW. It should be noted that this long walks are taken in her usual midweight duster coats (WHICH ARE SUBTLY DIFFERENT COLORS AND FABRICS FROM OTHER MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COATS SHE OWNS) and very not sensible boots. Her walks can last between 10 minutes and 10 hours and who is to say where she even goes and who she is followed by? Maybe the interloper’s husband follows her around or maybe it’s in her head? Maybe she murdered the interloper and didn’t quite remember it? Regardless: it’s a lot of walking and it is EXHAUSTING for us all and finally Nicole Kidman just passes out in Central Park after minutes or hours of walking around and a bunch of kids form a literal calming circle around her and my eyes rolled into the reservoir.

This episode is also all about money, hunny! Nicole Kidman has a lot of it - so much that it was revealed in the last episode she didn’t even notice that a lot of it was missing from that time Hugh Grant lost his job and didn’t tell anyone for a few months except the vile Donald Sutherland who loaned him $500K AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THAT MONEY WENT!!!! Well I hope you kept your check book out, Donald Sutherland because now you need to pay $2 MILLION DOLLARS to get Hugh Grant out of jail. Ok? OK. ALSO DO YOU JUST OWN THE FRICK MUSEUM????

So now Hugh Grant just lives in his old magazine apartment which has somehow returned to magazine status after Edgar Ramirez and a thousand cops completely ransacked it. Also now Nicole Kidman and the son live at the vile Donald Sutherland’s house so all is...well? Well no not really because Nicole Kidman STILL HAS THAT DAMN WIG. 

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN THE MOST HORRIFYING PART OF THIS EPISODE! That came when Hugh Grant, now free from jail and left to his own devices, visits the interloper’s widow and children! WHAT IS HE DOING!! Somehow, interloper’s husband lets Hugh in and lets him hold the baby which he fathered. AND THEN HUGH REVEALS HE’S MET THIS BABY BEFORE AND OFFERS TO TAKE CARE OF IT! WHILST ON TRIAL FOR MURDER! THIS SHOW!!!!!

Episode 5: Trial by Fury

WHAT IS EVEN DONALD SUTHERLAND’S APARTMENT?!?! It has a balcony, and it seems to have a balcony cover because no one gets wet when they go out on the balcony and it’s raining. Rich people really live in a different climate zone than the rest of us garbage people. Regardless, Nicole Kidman’s frizzy wig is at PEAK FRIZZINESS on this balcony.

Anyway, the trial of the goddamned century is finally here!! And Nicole Kidman’s wig part still remains an elusive mystery. What is being kept in there? NO ONE CAN SEE ACTUAL SCALP OR ANSWERS. Another question: why did everyone bring their kids to the trial where they could see very upsetting pictures (that I didn’t even look at!) of the murdered interloper. CHILD ABUSE! ALSO! WOULD EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED CABLE NEWS NETWORK REALLY COVER THIS CASE SO CLOSELY??? I guess it’s not an election year in this alternate reality.

Which makes this scene where the whole family dines out and no one bothers them at all the more improbable. Also completely insane? At one point, Hugh Grant just storms out of the dinner and into the bar area of the restaurant (omg remember restaurants?) and Nicole Kidman follows him there and they have a very intense conversation about family secrets literally in the entrance of a busy restaurant. WHAT REALITY IS THIS SHOW IN?!?!?! The family secret? Remember that time Nicole Kidman told their son that he couldn’t have a dog because Hugh Grant accidentally killed his family dog? IT WASN’T A DOG IT WAS HIS 4 YEAR OLD SISTER. WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL!!!!

Nicole Kidman attempts to corroborate this insane story that she has never ever heard before with Hugh Grant’s family who don’t return her calls but do facetime her out of the blue in the middle of the night. Sure! And who is Hugh Grant’s mom? TONY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS ROSEMARY GODDAMNED HARRIS. WHAT. Not only does she confirm that Hugh Grant definitely accidentally killed his sister, but he also was never ever upset by it! Sure looks like Hugh Grant is a sociopath! MMkay!

Oh and then in the final moments of this episode Nicole Kidman finds the murder weapon - a sculpting hammer - in her son’s violin case. THIS SHOW IS A FRIGGIN LUNATIC.

Episode 6 - The Bloody Truth

So at this point in this show, I have fully gone. I don’t even know what is real or fantasy at this point: all I know is that Nicole Kidman’s wig is my nightmare. ALSO! She has a new midweight duster coat and it is the absolute most outrageous - a silk embroidered number you can literally wear NOWHERE EXCEPT FOR THE MURDER TRIAL OF HUGH GRANT.

The main concern in this episode is how Nicole Kidman’s son happened to get ahold of the murder weapon. So he just found it....in the beach house fire pit?!?!?! WHAT A DUMB PLACE TO PUT A MURDER WEAPON WHEN YOU HAVE AN OCEAN INCHES AWAY TO FLING IT INTO! Even dumber: this show wants you to believe that this 12 year old kid would have the wherewithall to put this murder weapon through the dishwasher - TWICE!! Vulture and I both say NAH to that. 

Anyway, Nicole Kidman’s wig which is somehow pushed back with clips unknown spends a lot of time in a robe (or a coat? WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT) making secret phone calls to Lily Rabe (who I am happy is back because she’s kind of the only fun part of this show). WHAT IS NICOLE KIDMAN UP TO?!?!?!

Much like Big Little Lies season 2, it all comes down to Nicole Kidman taking the stand. BORING! Hugh Grant is all but gonna win this thing and then Nicole Kidman gets up there and totally backs him up...until she is cross examined by the prosecuting attorney (WHO IS OLD PALS WITH LILY RABE) and magically knows all about Rosemarry Harris’s facetime! Now everyone knows that Hugh Grant is a child murderer and sociopath! AND HE IS PISSED!

The final sequence of this show is just far too insane to even fathom BUT basically before definitely being found guilty, Hugh Grant texts his son and they meet for breakfast but then breakfast turns into a car chase upstate! It is never explained how Nicole Kidman would allow her son out of her sight OR how Hugh Grant wouldn’t already be tailed by cops but whatever! Also not explained: how Nicole Kidman is able to issue an Amber alert for her kid and then get into a GODDAMNED HELICOPTER and follow Hugh Grant north and then land on the very bridge he’s about to jump off of but WHO CARES!! THIS WHOLE SHOW IS WHO CARES BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT HUGH GRANT WAS THE MURDERER ALL ALONG JUST LIKE WE THOUGHT IN EPISODE 1 AND EVERYTHING ELSE HAS JUST BEEN A MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COAT FASHION SHOW!!! ALSO THE WIG SUCKED! GOODBYE YOU TERRIBLE STUPID SHOW! 

Verdict: Doesn’t Wurq

#undoing #undoinghbo #nicolekidman #hughjackman #donaldsutherland #helicopters #edgarramirez #midweightdustercoats #nightmarewigs

[aangfanclub]

s3 ep5: the beach audio & transcript

here’s the link to our audio reaction + transcript under the cut!! this episode was SO chaotic we had to pause it just to process like 5 different times,,, I had no idea that what I needed in life was a fun beach episode with the emo crew but uh. I really really did

First of all who are these guys in the intro? Are these past avatars? I am intrigued

Also what would’ve happened if another nation had been attacked what would they have done

Also uh DISGUSTING we hate zuko/mai in this household

Oh right almost forgot zuko hired an ASSASSIN. The drama

They really have just a lake house somewhere?? They’re such rich kids dfjskljs

Is this just fun times at the beach episode??? (abby: i could be into it)

“It smells like old lady in here” sdkjfsjkalk ZUKO

Sdjlks they said booty bump

Me: this truly looks like the worst kind of vacation ever

Abby: the WORST b&b

Sjkfdls mai COVERED HIS EYES WHAT

Really aang?? Waterslide time???

Are they at the SAME body of water sjkdflkdf

Me: are they sharing a telescope?

Levi: not as bad as sharing a corn cob

Me: WE DROPPED THAT SUBJECT

Dfljkslkd is this just the everyone’s in bikinis episode

Lollll ty lee knows how to deal with boys

[we have to take a second and comprehend how zuko found a garbage seashell laying on the ground next to him and decided it would be a PEAK romantic move to pick it up and hand it to mai like WHATTT JSDKSLFD ZUKO WHAT]

“Why would i want that” SDJKFKSLD MAI OMG SHE JUST ROASTED HIS WHOLE THING

They are all So Dramatic i can’t handle it

Dsfkjls zuko why are you trying so hard??? Mai literally sucks

[we just scream during the whole volleyball scene. We are losing our minds.]

Azula said DISMISSED she didn’t say break she said DISMISSED

Abby: imagine if theater kids were also jocks. That’s what they are. Like troy bolton

Levi: did you just compare zuko to TROY BOLTON

CHAN AND RON CHON JDKLFSDLK WHATTTTTT

I’m sorry,, the most important teenagers in the fire nation?? Is there a ranking?????

[azula gives off “not wanting to be a princess” vibes and abby and i start quoting barbie: princess & the pauper involuntarily]

Zuko why did u literally have to hire an assassin like. My dude.

Fdksjlsskl dusk till dawn AZULA NO

Me: azula really doesn’t know how to chill out

Abby: another reason i hate her

Wait HOLD ON HOLD ON DID AZULA JUST TRY TO MAKE A JOKE???? Are you trying to tell me that all of this drama is just azula not having social skills???? This is just how she relates to people are you kidding?

Abby: normally we love a hair down friend but i’ve gotta say hair down azula is Not It

Jsdlkfs azula is like,, if adora from spop was evil. Like. neither of them know how to chill out

[abby: who’s adora?

Me: it’s from she ra

Abby: oh. Isn’t that the one that also has a girl named katara?

Me: HER NAME IS CATRA FSJDKL LIKE A CAT

Abby: yeah like katara with a c :)

Me: NOT AT ALL]

Dskjfl omg zuko get a grip my man jealousy is not a good look on you

GJFKSLFDJSD TY LEE ACUPUNCTURED ALL OF THEM IN PANIC

Azula stop being mean to ty lee!!!!

“You’re right about all those things” AZULA FDJSKLDLKSA

[abby and i remark that it’s true that you just have to laugh at whatever a boy says to make him think you like him. Levi pauses it and has a tiny existential crisis wherein he wonders if any girl has actually thought he was funny ever]

I’m ready for a tour azula what????

THAT WORKED SJFKDLA AZULA WHAT

DFJKSDSLJLKDF TOGETHER WE WILL DOMINATE THE EARTH /AZULA/////

Why is this episode making me like azula actually??? This is so funny sfdjhgslk

THAT FOOD WAS FOR MY CRANKY GIRLFRIEND  Z U K O

Zuko just flicked that guy into the WALL?????

Mai u gonna break up with zuko?? ZUKO????

Me: how come zuko gets bullied everywhere he goes?

Abby: how come he’s not wearing shoes?

Levi: yeah let’s ask the real questions here

Oh is it time for an angsty walk on the beach?

Abby: remember when zuko had a ponytail?

Me: remember when zuko had a MOM?

Abby: SHUT UP

Hair down sokka? Hair down sokka hello?

Me: hair down sokka is 80% more powerful than ponytail sokka

Whattt,,, WHAT who is this guy how is he doing that??? Is he shooting lightning from his BRAIN????

Wait are they gonna bond on the beach? Is it bonding time?

“I’m gonna make a fire” zuko you guys can ALL make a fire

Levi: did someone get a gun finally?? This is what happens when someone gets a gun

Me: give it to momo

Ugh i just want zuko to get redeemed already

Hgnnhgh every time aang slams into something i get those steven universe feelings of when we found out he was breaking every bone in his body :(((

[intermission where levi swears it looks like toph is looking at something and abby and i have to remind him he’s just stupid]

Ohh zuko why are people being mean to ty lee today???

Dang,, the trauma’s really coming out tonight huh

Fsdjkls you’re gonna lecture zuko abt bad skin???

Levi: do you think his scar gets pimples?

Ohhhh babe,,, he’s angry at himself oh honey :(((

Wow!!! Growth!

Me: this is like thursday night at church camp

Levi: YES! Like thursday night specifically!

Me: yeah they really just had a therapy session

Abby: yeah but they were so mean to each other and nobody said anything uplifting and then they just pretended that it was nice and it WASNT

What??? Why are they wrecking this guy’s house WHAT?

This episode did not feel real. What was that?? Just a therapy session??? WHAT WAS THIS EPISODE

I had to cut it off at the end bc it turned into like  7 minutes of us arguing about the ethics of sharing a corn cob again so. If u want the Forbidden Audio maybe i will release it one day jdsklsd

#liveblog

[tht-lesbian-fangirl]

you keep complaining that alex, kelly, and nia don't have storylines and i don't mean to sound rude or anything i'm genuinely curious what you would have them do?

Well, I wouldn’t really consider it “complaining” since it’s just stating a fact about supposed series regulars (and Alex supposedly being the #2 star). But to answer you question, here’s what I’d do if I had control over 5b:

Alex: I would still have Alex leave the DEO, since it’s under Lex’s thumb. She’d join J’onn in his PI stuff for a bit while she’s trying to find her footing, but after an episode Alex would realize that 1. being an alien PI is more J’onn’s passion 2. it doesn’t quite pay the bills 3. she needs something more stable and with healthcare benefits if she’s going to adopt (yes, I would actually remember that plotline). So, Alex would decide to try going back to her roots in the science field. She would attend a bio-med convention looking for a job opening at a lab and run into Lena (who is less unhinged in my version of post-Crisis, yet still emotionally at odds with Kara). Their conversation would start out filled with tension, but one of them would crack a joke about how Lex ruling this Earth sucks and Alex would reveal that she quit her DEO job. As a peace offering and show of goodwill, Lena would offer Alex a job in her own R&D labs at LuthorCorp, a branch that Lex doesn’t have a part in. Alex would agree, initially using the job to keep an eye on Lena (and have some steady income), but would slowly start to see how Lena isn’t evil, she’s just deeply hurting. Lena even allows Alex to work on technology for Supergirl, since they don’t have the DEO’s resources anymore. By the end of the season, they’d be working together on some cool biotech that helps Supergirl defeat Leviathan. Throughout the season, Alex would still team up with Supergirl when needed, J’onn would have still given her that cool Martian weapon, and she’d play a key role during the final Leviathan battle. Additionally, she’d end the season on a happy note with Kelly, finding out that an adoption is finally coming through. They’d celebrate together and Kelly, a little tipsy, would say something like “I can’t wait to raise a kid with you,” implying that we may see a Dansen engagement/wedding in season 6.

Kelly: After Crisis, Alex would have updated Kelly on everything that went down between Kara and Lena. Kelly, being the compassionate, smart therapist that she is, would immediately think “Lena isn’t a villain. That woman needs help.” At first, Alex would be against Kelly going to visit Lena, causing some tension, trying to give Kelly the same head vs. heart talk she gave Kara. But Kelly would say that it’s her job as a therapist and friend to use both her head and heart (side note: technically it’s against APA code of ethics to give therapy to friends, family, etc., but this is a show with aliens that suspends disbelief, so screw the APA for this situation). Kelly would show Lena the genuine kindness she’s been lacking. They’d work through some of Lena’s childhood trauma and then Kara’s double identities, eventually bringing Kara into a session when Lena’s ready (this would all be during the phase where Alex worked for Lena but still didn’t trust her). Meanwhile, Kelly would still be working at Obsidian, but would interact with Andrea a little more, tying in that plot line. Kelly would still find the lens glitch and she’d continue working there, despite the Superfriends realizing that something is wrong, either due to Leviathan or Lex. It would cause more tension between Kelly and Alex in an episode, but ending with some of their great healthy communication and Alex’s confidence that Kelly is smart and strong enough to protect herself. During the final Leviathan battle, Kelly would be at Dreamer’s side, using the Gaurdian shield to help protect civilians, but not donning the full Guardian outfit because that’s not what she wants (yet?).

Nia: She’d be investigating Leviathan with Kara. William’s story would’ve been wrapped up in 5a, because...well it literally was wrapped up (now he only exists to scream “LEX DID IT” 24/7 and effectively distract Team Super from Leviathan). So we’d see Nia grow as a reporter and continue the mentor/mentee relationship with Kara. As Dreamer, she would continue to improve her powers, driven not just by her desire to be a hero, but also by her guilt for her inability to see Crisis coming. Talking through some of that guilt would be a great chance for her to bond with Kelly on an emotional level, and bond with Kara on a superhero level, letting Nia know that they’re all just doing the best they can and no hero is perfect. Nia would want to help Supergirl be ready for any huge future threats (i.e. Leviathan), yet while practicing, she’d still be slightly distracted by her feelings for Brainy and at one point she’d accidentally discover what he’s been up to with Lex. Nia would struggle with what to do: does she alert Supergirl? Does she confront him? Does she try to pry further with her dream energy and figure out why? But whatever she chooses, it would connect the Lex-Leviathan-Supergirl plot in a much better way and would actually utilize a powerful hero who’s been missing for no reason. We’d also see her bond more with Kelly and the Danvers sisters during a girls night, and her 5x15 episode would 100% still happen because that was important af. Nia would end the season as a more powerful and beloved hero, an accomplished journalist (publishing a piece on Leviathan with Kara), and attempting to reconnect with a very apologetic Brainy.

So that’s my outline of what I’d do with Alex, Kelly, and Nia this season. But hey, I’m just a random person on tumblr who wrote this in maybe 15min. I’m not a professional tv producer so what do I know?🤷‍♀️

#obviously i have a lot to say about lena too. but apparently I don't 'complain' about her enough lmao. #alex danvers #kelly olsen #nia nal #supergirl analysis #asks