#How to make vegan mac and cheese

[northbirdblog]

Vegan Mac and Cheese

Another easy Vegan meal from the Northbird kitchen!

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[hotnsourdupe]

both a major pro and major con of living in TX: burritos that are literally 11" long 😭

#pork #this one is filled with vegan mac and cheese and beans and chili verde #fuck my life ive been having such a low intake this is gonna make me feel so sick #the way it just put pork as a separate tag bc i put it in quotes bc its vegan and i forgot how tags work fjdhdhdb #food

[stardropsaloongossiptrain]

Bachelor/ettes and Cooking

Gonna rank how I think the marriage candidates would do in the kitchen

----

Bachelors:

Elliott -- it takes a while, but once the man has a real kitchen at his disposal and some encouragement to try, I think he would really enjoy cooking and could be very good at it! I HC him as growing up in a wealthy home where he probably wasn't allowed to cook for himself, and then the cabin has nothing... but he remembers dishes he really enjoyed. I like to think he starts cooking just trying to help out once he moves to the farm, and there is DEF a learning curve... but there's a master chef hiding in there. I can feel it.

Alex -- you do not grow up with Grannie Evelyn and not learn how to cook. Impossible. Now, he's not a fancy chef by any means, but he can make a meal without issue. If you get this man a grill, he will 1000% become Grill Master, Kiss the Cook apron wearing Grill Dad. Also, though he rarely does it, he can bake up a storm. Generally only bakes for birthdays.

Harvey -- He can cook, but only cooks healthy meals. He will need to be taught that it's okay to season your food. Brown rice, steamed veggies, and plain tofu/ chicken breasts type guy. Otherwise, it's pre-packaged frozen food. Maybe he can get better w/ encouragement but he's always going to be checking portions and making sure you eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and watch your sodium intake. The most likely bachelor to be vegetarian/ be willing to go vegetarian. Gets nauseated if he's preparing meat.

Shane -- Mid-tier like Harvey, but even though he's had kitchen access he rarely feels like cooking. He knows what seasoning is-- his usual cooking style is the exact opposite of Harvey, mostly family recipes. All flavor, calorie count who?? Loves making food covered in cheese, sauce, or gravy. His chili would win awards, but he only makes it once a year.

Sam -- He could keep himself alive if the box has directions. Anything more complicated than boxed mac and cheese, though, and he gets a little lost. Can help YOU in the kitchen very well, but to be honest he would rather be doing something more exciting.

Sebastian -- The only one who is a worse cook than him is Abigail. He is NOT allowed in the kitchen even to watch. Could burn iced tea.

---

Bachelorettes

Emily -- Oldest sister + working at the Saloon added together means she's definitely going to be a decent cook, but she genuinely enjoys cooking. She loves to experiment with different cultural dishes. She only cooks vegetarian or vegan dishes.

Penny -- She's pretty self sufficient. I don't think she knows too many recipes, but she enjoys experimenting if she moves to the farmhouse. She's very adapt at stretching a budget, and I think she would enjoy making jams/ pickles. Not the big amount the farmer does, but small batches in special flavors.

Leah -- She's a simple cook. She prefers raw dishes, or things like buddha bowls. A lot of texture and flavor. Loves using herbs and edibles from foraging locally. Leans vegetarian but doesn't mind fish from time to time.

Maru -- Maru is proficient at cooking, but I think takes after her dad too much and is very nutrient focused vs what actually makes a good meal. Occasionally makes questionable decisions in the name of efficiency. Could go from making some sort of casserole if busy w/ a project to Extremely Experimental if she has the time. No in between.

Haley -- I considered putting her higher but no. She has rarely if ever had to cook for herself before, so if she's at the farmhouse she will be surprised if you expect her to do anything in the kitchen. Eventually I think she could be fine. It's not hard. She just hates doing dishes. Enjoys baking somewhat, especially w/ Alex.

Abigail -- She eats rocks as a snack and thinks if you just crank the oven to 600 for fifteen minutes it's better than 350 for an hour. Her stomach is alien to this world. Can and will eat anything without issue.

#sdv headcanons #sdv bachelors #sdv bachelorettes #sdv #stardew valley #sdv elliott #sdv emily #sdv alex #sdv abigail #sdv harvey #sdv leah #sdv shane #sdv haley #sdv penny #sdv maru #sdv sebastian #sdv sam

[xpao-bearx]

"Like A Virgin"

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader/Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader/Marc Spector x Fem!Reader

Read Part 1 HERE

Read Part 2 HERE

Read Part 4 HERE

NOTES: The fact that the idea for this part was already causing me such INTENSE brainrot way before I even finished writing Part 2 (which is pretty funny cuz I actually had a TOTALLY different idea compared to how this part is now, but hey my stoopid brain does what it does) 👁👄👁 Anyhoe, I am SO stoked for this (it also turned out quite long)!! It's finally got ✨️smut✨️ which I know my fellow sluts have been waiting for, BUT it's not the actual sexy sex yet cuz I'm saving that for the last part. Don't worry, it'll definitely be worth it~ ;)

BTW there's a part in this where Steven recites French poetry by Marceline Desbordes-Valmore and I used Google Translate for the English, so if the translation is off then I'm very sorry!

And I just wanna thank y'all sooo much again from the bottom of mah lil black heart, like SERIOUSLY! You lovelies are truly spoiling me with all your sweet comments, likes, and reblogs 😭❤️❤️❤️ And I swear that after the unexpectedly huge success of this fic, it made me fall RIDICULOUSLY HARDER for Oscar ISNACC and I have y'all to blame for dragging me even deeper into DILF Hell Heaven. Like, it's actually a problem when I suddenly feel like giggling and kicking my feet while I'm suffering at work just at the thought of him 😂

I also haven't been this confident and motivated in a while, and this is one of the VERY rare times I'm actually updating pretty quickly without the temptation of slacking off and abandoning it. I love writing and this fic is my baby, and it's just so fucking incredible that you guys are loving what I'm putting out, too, so once more: THANK YOU 🥰

Who knows, maaaybe more Moon Knight fics will come out in the future from me and fingers crossed that Moon Knight Season 2 will be confirmed 🤭

And the tag list has been updated! I also included some readers who I thought wanted to follow this whole series, so if you find yourself tagged despite not asking to be then that's why LMAO xD As always, the tag list is open so don't be shy to ask if you'd like to be added on it! ^_^

TAGS: @autismsupermusicalassassin @ungracefularchimedes @pimosworld @ababynova @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @anapnovo-blog @am-3-thyst @harrys-tittie @zukoisbabee @wiltedwonderland @the-ginger-draws @bitchyglitterfox @readingfan @spidey-3 @minigirl87 @wandasupremacy @simba-will-live-on @wavychelle @thepowerthismanhasoverme @blackholegladiator @kittytiddywinks @literalfkinsimp

Part 3: Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

After the flurry of honesty and an insane whirlwind of emotions, you and Steven finally winded down. It was a bit awkward following that, but he asked (well, sputtered) if you'd like to stay. He immediately apologized, knowing that he was overstepping boundaries and he completely understands if you rejected such a mental idea.

But it was late, and there was absolutely no way he was going to let you go home alone especially with the state you're in. And also...

Well, call him a selfish knob, but he just wanted--needed--to be with you.

But you agreed to stay--enthusiastically so. You both were flustered, though sharing a laugh together had all the tension fade away.

Because, truly, you were right where you were supposed to be.

♡•••🌙•••♡

Steven prepared dinner for the two of you, consisting of five-minute vegan mac and cheese courtesy of his microwave then indulging yourselves with the box of chocolates he brought at the failed date for dessert. It wasn't "grand" by any means, but it was the best you ate in a long time.

All thanks to the cute host... Actually, your gorgeous boyfriend.

Just the thought had you grinning like a doofus, the butterflies in your belly now transforming into fucking birds.

Did that make sense? Hell no, but being with Steven absolutely did.

"Love..." Steven's strong arms encircled around your waist from behind, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "Make yourself comfortable, yeah? Don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch."

You gasped, affronted, quickly whipping around to face him. "Excuse you, sir, but I have every reason to be worried!" You huffed dramatically. "You are definitely not sleeping on the couch, Steven. And if you still insist that you are, then I'll just join you!"

Steven chuckled, his cheeks glowing pink. He rested his chin atop your head, pulling you closer to him. "The couch is too small for the two of us... So for a good night's sleep, I suppose I have no choice but to share the bed with you, yeah?"

"You say that as if you'd rather not." You pouted playfully, wrapping your arms around him and laying your head against his chest. You can faintly hear the erratic thrum of his heartbeat, matching your own.

"I'm just pulling your leg, sweetheart." He teased, kissing your head.

How the fuck did he ever get so lucky? He thought he was going crazy, that this was all just a dream--but it wasn't. Dreams were never this good. You were right here, right now, in his arms. Wholly accepting him for who he is. Loving him.

And he fucking loved you, too.

"Where's the bathroom, baby?"

Baby. The name made his heart stop for a full second. Heat once again crept up to his cheeks and all the way to the tips of his ears, his voice not coming out as all he could do was just point towards the bathroom as he stared down at you in a completely lovestruck sort of wonder.

You giggled, blushing as well before leaning up on your tiptoes and pecking his nose. "You go relax, Steven. I'll join you soon."

He watched you saunter off, still glued in place and a hand atop his frenzied heart.

He had no idea how in the world he was supposed to relax, especially now that the situation fully hit him like a freight train. But thankfully, he found his legs moving for him and his body taking the liberty of changing into his cozy pyjamas before climbing onto bed.

He put on his ankle restraint and settled down, covering the blanket over him like some posh Victorian duchess as he laid completely stiff. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, lifting his head and squinting every so often at the closed bathroom and your obscure shadow dancing amidst the light peeking through the tiny crack of the door underneath.

And it was so...quiet. Neither Marc nor Jake has uttered a single peep, which was highly unusual. Either one or both of them always had something to say, regardless of whatever Steven was doing and he was the same whenever they were fronting.

But as of the moment, he couldn't even handle speaking with Marc. Not after what he did. Marc and Jake were his family and there was no doubt that he and Marc will eventually make up, but no one was ever allowed to hurt you--especially now that you two were officially together.

Jake, on the other hand... Well, he was known to butt into Steven's business. But Jake always gave him a good push, and he would never actually force Steven to do something if Jake didn't believe he could do it. Truly, Steven owed Jake for technically setting you and him up.

But besides Marc, Steven was more surprised that Jake wasn't yapping away especially when you were involved. It didn't go unnoticed for Steven the way Jake has...changed. Only when you were around, at least. And despite Jake being the stealthiest of them all, Steven could always feel him silently observing you at work deep within the recesses of his mind.

But Steven never said anything. He just understood--accepted--Jake, and he was sure that Jake knew. But Steven didn't mind it; in fact, it made him feel less alone.

After all, how could anyone ever resist you?

He then sighed deeply, shaking his head. Clearly it was no use just laying in his bed like a corpse, so he sat up and threw the blanket off before grabbing a random book from his bedside table and donned his glasses. But his brain was too muddled, heart still not ceasing its turbulent thump as he couldn't even register the words popping out of the worn pages he has read a thousand times.

"So you wear glasses, too, huh?"

He flinched slightly at your voice, seeing you standing at the foot of his bed. You chuckled softly before your eyes landed on his ankle restraint, raising a brow.

"S-Sorry, it's..." He scrambled for something--anything. "I...I know it's a huge red flag, but I have a...sleeping disorder. I promise it ain't for something, um...sexual."

"No need to make excuses, Steven. I don't think it's a red flag."

'And I wouldn't mind if you used it on ME.' You bit back the risqué words that nearly tumbled out your foolish, needy mouth.

Steven only smiled shyly, putting the book away before he gasped when he suddenly felt something plop down on his lap.

Something soft, warm, and lovely.

"Is...is this okay..?" Now it was your turn to be shy, meeting his gaze tentatively.

"More than okay." He breathed, staring up at you with an awed grin. "Gods, Y/N, you're beautiful."

"Thanks, this is my 'I wonder how I didn't pass out from running the most I never thought I could' look." You laughed. But Steven didn't, guilt clouding his features.

He placed his hands on your hips, brows knitting together and jaw squaring. "I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn't have to do that, didn't have to meet me. I would've hated it, but I would've totally understood if you never wanted to see me again. And yet...I was happy when you did come."

"I'm happy, too, Steven." You assured him, one hand on his shoulder while the other combed through his fluffy curls. "And honestly, I would do it again. If you were in, hell, Egypt--I'd still find a way to you, no matter what."

His expression softened, a smile replacing his frown as he leaned forward and laid his head on your chest. "Please do one favour for me, though?" You kept quiet, patiently awaiting his words. "If you ever meet Marc, punch the prick."

"Baby, I can only slap him! No way I'd ever damage your godsent face." You laughed again, little snorts wracking your body that Steven found so damn endearing. Then he looked up, his chin resting in between the pillowy softness of your breasts.

"Love... Call me that again."

"Baby." You obeyed with zero hesitation, and Steven groaned. A deep, rumbly sound that sent tingles all throughout your body. You lightly tugged on his hair, making his head tip back and gaze locking with his pretty brown eyes that have gotten darker, pupils dilated.

"Baby..." Your voice came out as a pathetic whine, your hand on his shoulder holding on for dear life. "Wanna kiss you."

Like a predator pouncing on its prey, Steven swooped up to catch your lips--only for the both of your glasses to bump into each other.

An awkward beat passed between the two of you before you both exploded into riotous laughter. The two of you fell side by side on the bed, giggling so much that tears sprang to your eyes and your stomachs hurt.

Once you two finally calmed down, you exchanged bright smiles and Steven rolled on top of you. His elbows dug into the bed on either side of you, making sure not to bear down his weight on you. He then took off both of your glasses, setting them aside on the bedside table.

"Shall we try again, love?" But Steven didn't wait for your response, crashing his lips with yours.

It was chaste. Feather light. So much better than what you ever imagined it to be like. Steven's lips were unexpectedly soft, but there was a certain firmness in the way he kissed you. Your eyes fluttered shut, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in closer to deepen the kiss.

Steven cradled the side of your face gently, lovingly, as if he was handling glass. Then, experimentally, you nipped on his bottom lip. He gasped sharply, and you slid your tongue inside his mouth.

It was obvious how inexperienced you were, but Steven certainly didn't mind. In fact, it only turned him on even more that you wanted to spend your precious first time with him.

And he was definitely never letting you go.

You moved your tongue uncertainly, small panic brewing inside of you if you were doing it right. All those shows and movies made kissing look so easy; but you were soon snapped out of your thoughts as Steven's tongue tangled with yours, taking the lead as he coaxed you into a lazy, sensual dance.

And that drew a long, beautiful moan out of you. Steven craved more, more, more--wanting to push you to the very limit, a lustful, greedy beast suddenly possessing his body.

But oh, he knew, deep down, that beast has always been there; waiting for the right moment to be released.

Waiting for you.

He then slowly pulled away, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues. Your entire body was flushed, lips puffy and eyes hazy with anguished yearning as you stared up at him. Your hands reached out, clinging on tightly to his black sweatshirt. Despite being on the bed, you felt as if you were free falling into a bottomless pit.

And you wanted to fall--with Steven.

"Steven..." You murmured, one leg wrapping around his waist. "Are you gonna make love to me?"

"No." His reply was instant, levelling his gaze with yours. "I will, but not tonight, darling. I don't have any condoms."

"I...I don't mind..."

A low purr reverberated from his throat. Fuck, were you even aware of what you were saying? Of the sweet, tempting danger it entailed?

He might as well just tie you up, keep you in his apartment forever. With him. ONLY him.

He shook his head, quickly stamping down such dark, possessive thoughts.

"Love." He emphasized through clenched teeth, and you saw the way his inner conflict flickered in his eyes. "Not tonight, Y/N. But that doesn't mean I can't still please you, yeah?"

He pulled your leg off of his waist then pressed his lips to your ankle, electricity coursing directly to where you desired it most.

He never broke eye contact, his lips slowly trailing down the smooth expanse of your leg before pausing at your crotch. He chuckled deeply, ignoring it as he moved to your stomach.

You mewled desperately, wiggling slightly. "Baby." You pleaded, nearly breathless. "Please... Don't fuckin' tease me."

"M'sorry, pretty girl. Just let me worship you, yeah? You deserve it." He hummed, completely unbothered. "I deserve it."

He pushed up your tank top, your breasts spilling erotically and...fuck, was that a belly button piercing?

"First year of college. It was a completely lucid decision." You giggled at his stunned expression. "Hurt like a bitch, but I've always wanted one."

"Looks like I'm not the only one with secrets, then." He chuckled, kissing your belly with utmost tenderness and your breath getting caught in your throat. His lips languidly traced upwards, reaching your breasts and burying his face in between them and inhaling deeply.

Now he understood why Jake wouldn't shut the hell up about the way you smelled after asking you out.

His left hand groped one of your breasts, breath stuttering at the wonderful plushness. Then he raised his head, eyes locking intently with yours once more as his tongue flicked your pert nipple. You whimpered for more, more, more--back arching as you eagerly offered yourself to him.

And he just as eagerly accepted your gracious offer, mouth latching on to your nipple. You moaned as he sucked and squeezed, his teeth grazing slightly against the sensitive bud, only magnifying the maddening sensations you had no control over yet had the privilege to be a willing victim to.

He pulled away with a resounding 'pop' before giving your other breast equal devoted attention, his right hand making its descent lower, lower, lower--slipping inside your shorts and his chest blazing at the dampness that greeted him.

"Bloody hell..." He grunted, erection straining painfully against his pyjama pants. He glanced down, his much larger hand cupping your entire pussy. "Wanna fucking taste you, angel. Can I? Please, love, I wanna taste your pretty pussy."

"Y-You don't even have to ask..." You squeaked, completely scarlet from head to toe. "Just take me, baby."

Steven grinned wolfishly, a gleam in his eyes that you've never seen before making your heart skip a beat. Without wasting another moment, he practically ripped your shorts off. He groaned as he saw the wet splotch in the middle of your panties, yanking them down your legs before bringing it up to his nose as a shiver ran down his spine at your intoxicating scent.

Your arousal was flowing down to your thighs, eyes glazed over as if in a trance as you watched Steven sniff your panties like a beast in heat. Then he shimmied out of his pants, your eyes widening as his cock stood proudly; thick and veiny, the tip an angry red and leaking with pre-cum. His fist, still clutching on to your panties, wrapped around his cock as he leaned down to meet your pussy.

Instinctively, you snapped your legs shut, hands flying to your face.

"I-I'm sorry!" You sobbed, briskly shaking your head. "I'm sorry, so sorry! I...I can't, Steven..."

You expected him to be furious, and honestly you'd understand if he was. What you didn't expect, however, was him gently removing your hands and tenderly kissing away your tears.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, love." He assured, his hands massaging soothing circles on yours. "What's the matter? You don't want to continue?"

"I-I do, it's just..." You sniffled, blinking away tears and meeting his concerned gaze. "I'm...I'm embarrassed, Steven. It's just... Y-You know it's my first time, and you're doing amazing, it's just...I'm scared I'm not. I...have no idea what the fuck to do, and I'm not even pretty."

"That's not true." His voice was firm, jaw ticking resolutely. His brows furrowed, expression the most serious you've ever seen it. "You're bloody gorgeous, Y/N. I'm the git who doesn't know what the hell you see in me. And don't fret about being inexperienced, love. I'm so happy that you wanna be with me, and if you'd allow me, I wanna spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

You stayed silent, then your lips curved up into a dazzling smile that had Steven utterly weak in the knees. What the hell were you so anxious about, anyway? This was Steven Grant, the man of your wildest dreams. The man you loved.

"I love you, Steven."

Steven froze, tears prickling his eyes. Something between a sob and a chuckle escaped him, positively beaming down at you.

"I love you, too, Y/N."

He then parted your legs, hands quivering slightly. "I love you..." He crouched down, pressing his lips to your inner thigh. "...so fucking much." His tongue darted out, licking the beautiful stretch marks that lined the supple skin of your thighs.

His tongue slowly wandered up, up, up, and you were scarcely breathing once his face was in front of your cunt. His hot breath fanned against your clit; dark, nearly black eyes fixed on yours.

"Quand je vivais tendre et craintive amante..." He recited in French, smiling up at you. "...avec ses feux je peignais ses douleurs."

When I was a tender and fearful lover, with her fires I painted her pains.

You had noticed earlier the French poetry books stacked on Steven's desk, but goddammit you didn't expect he would quote one while he was right in front of your pussy.

You were sure this absolutely sexy menace of a man was trying to murder you.

His thumb then brushed against your clit, making you gasp. He grinned widely, pushing down on your nub as you whimpered and squirmed helplessly.

"Baby..." You begged, tears pouring down your pretty pink cheeks, and there must be something severely wrong with Steven to find it so enticing. "Pretty please... Fuck me with your mouth."

And how could he ever say no to that? He was merely a loyal, desperate slave for his goddess' wishes. For her love.

And so, like a parched man in the desert, he buried his face in your sopping pussy. You yelped, eyes rolling to the back of your head at the sudden--but very much not unwelcomed--intrusion into your deepest, most intimate part.

Steven's groan of appreciation vibrated within your gummy walls, inching ever so deeper, feeling his nose hit a bundle of nerves. Then his tongue licked a long, slow stripe along your mound and up to your clit. You cried out, a broken, pornographic song that echoed throughout Steven's entire flat.

"Gods..." His voice was low, trembling; one hand yet again wrapping around his aching cock, the flimsy fabric of your panties hugging the tip. "You've no idea how much I dreamt of this, Y/N. Waited for this." His other hand settled on your pussy, deft fingers running along your drenched folds. "Such a good girl, tastes so fucking good."

He puckered his lips, kissing your pussy. And the sounds that accompanied were downright filthy, Steven moaning shamelessly, loud squelches and the heady smell of your sex filling the air.

Slowly, carefully, he thrusted a finger inside of you. You keened, your thighs squishing Steven's head and your hands gripping onto his hair. He then added another finger, scissoring his digits and you knew right then and there that you were losing what's barely left of your fucking mind.

You grinded against him, and he bobbed his head zealously in perfect tandem with you. His tongue lapped up and down, up and down, before suddenly driving it inside your hole.

He was rubbing his cock vigorously, watching you, burning this marvelous moment for all eternity into his memories. And as soon as a third finger slipped in, you were fucking gone.

You screamed, finally reaching that peak and falling over it, seeing stars. You gushed around his mouth, and Steven noisily slurped it all up, not daring to leave behind a single drop.

He soon followed, grunting animalistically as his cum sprayed all over your panties. He collapsed against your pussy, in between the heavenly plushness of your thighs, panting raggedly.

Neither of you knew how long you both stayed like that, coming down from your high, until you sliced through the serene silence.

"Wow... Just...wow."

Steven chuckled breathlessly, looking up at you with your wetness glistening on his lips and chin. "Wow, indeed." He then leaned forward, and you gasped as his lips suckled on the skin right next to your clit, claiming you with a dark purple mark.

"You'll be the fucking death of me, Steven Grant." You groaned playfully, pulling on his hair.

He grinned, crawling over your body before moulding your lips together in a passionate liplock. His tongue entwined with yours and you could taste yourself, your brain short circuiting.

He slowly drew away, gently knocking his forehead against yours as his grin grew impossibly bigger.

"I'll make love to you at the Field of Reeds, then."

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight Smut #Steven Grant #Jake Lockley #Marc Spector #Steven Grant Smut #Jake Lockley Smut #Marc Spector Smut #Steven Grant x Reader #Jake Lockley x Reader #Marc Spector x Reader #Steven Grant x Reader Smut #Jake Lockley x Reader Smut #Marc Spector x Reader Smut #Reader x Steven Grant #Reader x Jake Lockley #Reader x Marc Spector #Reader x Steven Grant Smut #Reader x Jake Lockley Smut #Reader x Marc Spector Smut #Oscar Isaac

[sinfulpanda16]

MHA Boys x vegetarian/vegan reader

Reader x Bakugou, Midoriya, Kirishima, Kaminari and Todoroki

How they would react to you being vegan or vegetarian

Deku

~ Super supportive

~ Has no problem giving you his fries when there's no vegan options

~ He thought it was cute when you told him he looks like the broccoli you eat 🥦

You and Midoriya walk into the small convenience store, you already having the vegan chips you want in mind. Midoriya finds the bag of chips he wants but you... they're nowhere in sight.

"Hey is everything alright?" Midoriya asks when he sees you distressed.

"I can't find the Takis. Did they seriously run out of them?" you ask all pouty. This sucks, that was the thing you were really looking forward too all day. Being vegan meant not eating just about all the chips there are.

The only vegan ones there were was Lay's but you're not in the mood for that. Midoriya smiles at you "Aww love its ok. We can look somewhere else for them and if we still can't find them than I won't eat chips today either."

The idea of your boyfriend willing to give up his snack for you makes you feel some type of way. Who does that? Your supportive boyfriend that's who. You tell him he doesn't have to do all that but he insists that its ok.

You smile "Thanks Izuku". He puts his bag of chips back in their place and grabs your hand to exit the convenience store.

You did find Takis at another store so both of snacked away when you both got home.

Bakugou

~Lowkey bullies you for it. But in a loving way.

~ Acts bothered every time you reject some of his food cuz it has dairy products but in his head he's like "Fuck I forgot!"

~ He was like "Tch pathetic" when you told him but when he sees how important being vegan is for you, he tries learning how to cook vegan recipes.

Your tummy growls you haven't eaten since breakfast. You have no idea what to cook though, last time you checked there was no vegan ingredients for you to cook something.

Your tummy growls again so you get up and get dressed to head out to buy some oat milk and a box of Life cereal. Its not much but at least you'll eat something.

You head to front door but then you hear someone scream "OI! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?!" you turn around scared shitless and see Bakugou in the kitchen holding two plates of food.

What the- is that the smell of Mac and Cheese? Is that the vegan cheese you buy for yourself!? You gasp "Katsuki! Did you made vegan Mac and Cheese?!" you ask excitedly. Truth is Bakugou has been practicing making vegan Mac and Cheese, but he wanted to make sure it was perfect for you.

He clicks his tongue "Tch yes you idiot. Now come over here and eat it fore I make you eat it!" you happily oblige. This meant more than he could ever know.

You two sit down and eat. He did a good job, it was really good.

"Mmm. Katsuki you should be vegan too."

"Hell no!"

Todoroki

~Yes this man respects you and everything you do

~ You're probably the first vegetarian he's ever met

~ When you told him he was taken aback a bit but immediately showed his support

You remember your first date with him. It was a surprise dinner at his place. You hadn't told him you were vegetarian cuz it just never came up. So when he set that stake he put hard work into in front of you, you were nervous to tell him.

He didn't notice anything. He takes some of his own stake and says "Here love." wanting to feed it to you but you go 🙊. He's confused, was there something wrong with the stake?

"What's wrong my love?" he asks a bit worried.

You sigh and fiddle with your fingers. "Shoto I'm really sorry for not telling you but...I'm vegetarian." you say not looking at him. You feel really bad that the stake he made is going to waste.

"Oh. You're vegetarian."

"Yeah."

"That means you don't eat meat right?"

"Yes."

"So what do you eat?"

Boy. You eat everything but meat lol 😭. Its ok baby was just too sheltered. You explain to him and when you're done he gets up and takes the two plates of stake away. You protest he can still eat his but he insists its ok. He wants to enjoy his cooking together.

So that night you guys made some delicious Soba Noodle Salad and enjoyed it together.

Kaminari

~ He's all cool with it. It doesn't matter to him

~He does forget a lot though.

~Like when he offers you some of his pepperoni pizza and then 10 seconds later, he's like "*Gaps* Sparks I'm so sorry I forgot!" 😭

Ever since you two began dating you guys have been hanging out together 24/7. (He's clingy as hell that's why) You guys study together, train together, and eat lunch together.

You have told him you're vegetarian, you have, but he's so goofy he forgets a lot. Its lunch time and you and him walk to the cafeteria together. You guys order your guys food and go sit at a table.

Listen, normally it would be Kaminari who would enjoy his non-vegetarian food. UA doesn't have that many vegetarian options so you would be the one watching him eat all like "Mm mm mm! 😋Sparks this is amazing try some... Wait... OMG I'm so sorry I forgot!" You're never bothered though as long as he eats something and is happy, you don't mind it.

Today though was the complete opposite though. There were some bomb vegetarian options and few meat options. So finally, you were going to enjoy something good! You're eating away and because it's been a long time since you were able to enjoy the school's food you were like, "MMMM! This is so good!!" and then you see Kaminari looking at you like😐.

"I'm sorry" you say a bit embarrassed.

He laughs and says "Aww, hey its ok. You never get to enjoy anything when we eat so go ahead" and smiles at you. You smile back and take some of your pasta and feed it to him. He eats it and says, "Holy shit this is good!" You both laughed and had a good lunch.

Kirishima

~ He respects and supports you being vegan.

~ No like actually hats off to you, he doesn't know how you do it.

~ He's the cutest carnivore there is so when he accepted the challenge of being vegan for a week he almost died.

He comes back from the gym, and he does not feel good. He felt like he was lacking in the gym recently and he thinks it's because he hasn't eaten meat. He's gets even more disappointed when he remembers he can't drink his protein milk! Fuck he felt like his world has stopped. Even though it's only been 5 hours.

You come out to greet him.

"Hi Kiri!" you say as you hug him.

"Hey baby" he says hugging you back.

You look up at him "Kiri I made lunch. Its vegan nuggets do you want some?" WTF vegan nuggets! Yes, the closest thing to meat ofc! He felt like he was saved, you guys go to the kitchen and sit down to eat. When he bites into his nugget he is met with disappointment. He tries not to show it though because he doesn't want to disappoint you, but you noticed immediately. "Kiri, are you ok?"

He tries to reassure you that he's fine but you don't let it go, so he gives in. He sighs "Baby, I'm sorry but these vegan nuggets are not it" he says pouting a bit. He really wanted to enjoy eating this with you but it's just not the same as meat. You giggle and tell him "Its ok. You can eat meat if you want. I don't care if you quit the challenge." Kiri looks at you. No, he's not going to quit the challenge he wants to make you proud. So, he goes on with the challenge.

The whole week was so stressful. Learning to read the ingredients to a snack and being disappointed he saw it contained dairy products was super annoying. He would drink his protein with water which he absolutely despised, but it was all good when you told him he can drink it with soy/oat milk. The memes he saw of people hating on vegans didn't help. Especially when the guys would eat meat in front of him and be so disrespectful about it 😭.

Then the week was over. You couldn't have been prouder of him. The moment he was free he ate all the burgers he wanted. As he should. Don't worry though, he gave you all his fries so both of you had a yummy meal.

#izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #izuku midoria x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #kirishima eijirou #kirishima x reader #shouto todoroki #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #denki x reader #kaminari x reader #mha x reader #mha deku #bnha #boku no hero academia #katsuki bakugou x y/n

[peachybutch]

How Good the RvB Main Cast is at Cooking, Ranked from Best to Worst

1. Donut

Donut gives off the vibe of one of those gay men with a baking channel on YouTube. This man's out here rolling up to the red team monthly dinner club with frenched rack of lamb with a pistachio mint crust and wine accompaniment, then earl grey souffle with creme anglaise for dessert. He spends hours experimenting with new and interesting ingredients. Remy Ratatouille, send-you-back-to-rural-France ass man. Donut's food fucks hard and everyone knows it.

2. Grif

You really think my man Grif loves food as much as he does and doesn't know how to make it? C'mon. He doesn't, like, relish the act of cooking as much as he does having a good plate of food at the end of it. And he's not typically much for sharing. But my guy makes a damn good short rib and bechamel lasagna. Give him the day to let something slow cook, and god damn.

3. Wash

Wash has been living off of MREs for probably his entire adult life, but I feel like he's got a few dishes he can whip out for a date night, or if he's feeling fancy. He knows how to read a recipe, and he has a pretty good idea of what flavors go together to make something good. He probably has a really nice papardelle with vinho verde sauce that he has sitting around in the back of his head for special occasions.

4. Tucker

Okay, Tucker isn't a bad cook by any means, ok? He's great with breakfast food specifically. It's just that he isn't especially fancy about it. He was probably, like, a line cook at Denny's in high school, so all his food tastes like food you would get at Denny's. Which isn't a bad thing! You would just never call Denny's "fine dining". He has his niche, and he does it well, and he never feels even a little bit inclined to do anything different or better.

5. Church (Alpha)

Church isn't much of a foodie right off the bat, but someone's got to pack Caboose's lunch, and he ends up learning how to cook fairly well after that. After a certain point, he figures out how to make things from scratch--mostly things like chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, pancakes.

6. Simmons

I feel like Simmons mostly lives off of shit like green smoothies and homemade granola. Like, hardcore, low carb, vegan, all organic, high protein diet. And, like, it doesn't taste BAD. But it definitely isn't the kind of thing you bring to the red team dinner club. He does make a really nice sunbutter brownie that he has to hide from Grif.

7. Caboose

Caboose has been banned from using any objects in the kitchen that involve a heat source--which isn't HIS fault! How was he supposed to know that you're supposed to take the spoon OUT of the mac and cheese before putting it in the microwave? That's just a recipe for a cold spoon! Anyways, he manages just fine without the microwave, thank you very much. He can make ants on a log like it's nobody's business. Cleaning up afterwards is another matter entirely.

8. Carolina

Carolina is one of the most competent individuals you will ever meet. She could kill you in under a minute, in 30 different ways, and that's just with her bare hands. The fourth time Sarge tries to recruit her into red team is by inviting her to the monthly dinner club. She shows up empty handed, and when Donut very politely asks what she brought, she replies that it's very interesting that they expected the only woman on the team to go all out with cooking. They move on. Carolina spent 5 hours in the kitchen this afternoon trying to figure out how to use the oven. But they don't need to know that.

9. Tex

Now, listen. Tex can't be called a bad cook, precisely, because that would require she cook for herself or others. Which is something she does not do. That's what Church is for, isn't it?

10. Sarge

Sarge refuses to step foot in a kitchen after the fifth shouting match about how flamethrowers are not a universally recognized kitchen appliance.

11. Church (Epsilon)

One time, while blue team is shooting the wind, Caboose asks Epsilon what his favorite breakfast food is. Instead of calling Caboose a dumbass, as per usual, he instead goes into extensive detail about how he eats computer keys like cereal. Caboose tries it. It isn't very good.

#pb.txt #rvb #red vs blue #donut rvb #church rvb #wash rvb #im not fucking tagging everyone #i am so fucking hungry thinking about short rib and bechamel lasagna #long post

[p0ssywhippedcream]

Spencer Reid would be so bad at food. Bro does not know when things expire, bro ignores labels, bro is probably lactose intolerant and consumes cheese by the bricks.

And his cooking? He knows box noodles and mac and THATS IT. baby struggles even with that.

“It says add milk.”

“Then add milk.”

“How much milk?”

“I dunno baby just add some milk.”

*dumps half the carton*

“I don’t think we have enough cheese for that baby.”

“oh.”

The one thing my man is good at with food besides listing off side effects of ingredients is eggs. Only sunny side up tho, you ask him for over easy and you get a plate full of burnt.

And Spence loves you so so dearly and there’s times you’re sitting in bed in the morning looking hungry and tired and he just needs to feed his love but doesn’t want them to get out of bed.

He makes his way to the kitchen, cooks you up some eggs and brings them on up. You love the eggs he makes for you, you eat them with a smile every time. This is the best version of breakfast in bed you’ll get with him and honestly, it doesn’t bother you. As long as Spence is there.

Or, if you’re vegetarian/vegan, baby’s superpower is avocados. don’t ask me, idk the gods told me but he is so fucking good with avocados????

like for no reason too, bro can turn that green vege into a fucking masterpiece. He’s got it all cut up pretty on the plate, thin slices in a circle with tomatos on top.

He always has them in his kitchen, for a little snack maybe or maybe bc it’s the only thing he can do in the mornings without the smoke alarm going off. (trust me, babe has burnt cereal)

He gets really good with avocados too, like he varies their width, their size and shape and he makes little faces on the plates. It makes his whole day to see your face light up when he hands you a sun with a smiley face in avocado slices.

#oph.posts #oph.thoughts #criminal minds #spencer #spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #reid #reid x reader #spencer x reader fluff #spencer reid x reader fluff #reid x reader fluff #spencer x you #spencer x you fluff #spencer x y/n fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer read x you fliff #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x y/n #criminal minds spencer #criminal minds reid #criminal minds spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x reader fluff #reid x you #reid x you fluff #cm reid #cm spencer reid #cm spencer x reader #cm spencer x reader fluff

[rayleearts]

I don't know if this has been asked but how good are all realta at cooking?

Elowen: mastered the basics and will tweak recipes and technique until they’re perfect, but isn’t familiar with a lot of ingredients and newfangled electric stoves. Doesn’t know how (or want) to cook meat

Amelia: An excellent baker and a good cook. Learned from her biological father who was a baker. Cooked a lot for Ikah as a kid as thanks for taking her in

Fletcher: can make Mac and cheese

Milo: often burns his cooking and gets frustrated with baking, but he’s stubborn enough to get it right eventually (you might have to wait 3 hours for food)

Kasi: measures with her heart, cannot follow written directions. Is good at the recipes from her home that she’s memorized

Ava: somehow makes food bland but really spicy. She tries to forage ingredients when possible and cooks vegan. Fletch, Milo, or Kasi often went to the city to get take-out

Oryn: thinks he’s great but is lowkey average. His gf plays it up to boost his confidence

Eden: cooks with love and you can tell. It won’t be healthy but it’ll be damn good

Rune: finds cooking annoying. Once she makes a recipe, she uses magic to replicate the steps for her

#realta #asks

[emeraldspiral]

Episode where Zim is out in his kid disguise instead of one of his adult/old man disguises and someone takes notice of him trying to go somewhere he shouldn't. They come up and ask him "Young man, you know you're not supposed to be here without adult supervision. Where are you parents?" Frustrated that someone would dare disrupt his evil plans, Zim forgets his cover story and blurts out "I don't have parents!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. How long ago did you lose them?"

"Fool! I have never had parents."

"You mean you've been an orphan all your life? That's terrible!"

"It is not terrible! It's great! I have no need for guardianship or supervision."

"So there's no one looking after you?"

"Zim needs no one! Now rescind your pity human!"

"Oh no! It's so much worse than I thought. You poor brave boy. Don't worry, you won't have to be alone for much longer!"

And then the interloper calls child services, who forcibly place Zim in an orphanage. He can't take back anything he said about being an orphan before because neither he nor the Roboparents have social security numbers and their address and phone number aren't registered anywhere.

A couple quickly comes looking to adopt and they decide they want to take on the challenge of a "problem child" who's not likely to get adopted by anyone else. So they take Zim home with them for a trial adoption. Initially it seems like it's going to turn into something like Orphan where the nice family is oblivious to the danger Zim presents as he plans to make them into his latest test subjects. But just as Zim's about to implant some questionable device into one of the family members, something happens that freaks Zim out so much he loses his nerve.

He becomes increasingly anxious as the family members never give him a moment alone, following him from room to room constantly pestering him to ask if he's okay.

"Do you like this show? We could switch to a different channel."

"Is it too cold for you? We could turn the thermostat up."

"Would you like some hot cocoa? Some warm milk, perhaps? Soda?"

"Hey, we were thinking of Mac & Cheese for dinner tonight. But do you have any dietary concerns? Are you lactose intolerant? Gluten-free? Vegan? Diabetic?"

"Are you okay with the volume everyone is speaking at? We could speak softer if you want."

"OR LOUDER IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE HEARING US!"

"Do you need a blanket?"

"We bought you some pajamas. But we can take them back if you don't like them."

"Do you want to talk about your feelings?"

"You know this is a safe place, right?"

"Don't be afraid to speak up if there's anything you need."

"Or if there's anything you want to talk about."

"We're always here to lend an ear."

Zim gets majorly creeped out and is convinced they're really human spies trying to get him to reveal himself and give away Irken military secrets.

He tries to get some privacy, but the only place where he can be alone is the bathroom. There's only one, and there are so many family members they have a schedule for who can use it when. But not to worry, they've already rearranged it to give him Thursdays at 3:30 and every other Saturday at 2:00am.

They send him to a new skool, which is much better than the one he went to before. It's clean, well funded with facilities in good repair, and best of all, there's no Dib around to harass him. But the staff at the new skool are far more professional than at the old skool and Zim's new teacher doesn't tolerate classroom disruptions, shocking Zim when he sends him to the principal's office within his first minute of class. At first Zim thinks it's a blessing in disguise because it means time away from his extremely clingy new foster siblings, but the one he shares a class with ends up getting sent to the office on purpose so he could stay by Zim's side. Zim does not appreciate the gesture of solidarity.

Zim comes home and his new foster parents tell him the principal called, but it's okay. They're not mad, they know it's going to take time for him to adjust. They also remind him that it's 3:30 and today is Thursday, which means it's finally his turn to use the bathroom.

He only has fifteen minutes, but he plans on escaping out the window. But it turns out the family have installed a state of the art security system to keep him from escaping. They aren't mad when he trips it though. They understand. Moving into a new home with a bunch of strangers can be scary, and he might think he wants to go back to the life he knew before because the familiarity of it is comforting, but they promise if he just gives them a chance they're sure they can make him happy.

Zim has no choice but to endure the two week trial adoption period. Initially, he figures if he acts like a little shit they won't want to adopt him and he'll get sent back to the orphanage from which he can make an escape. Halfway through however, he has a change of heart. He starts to enjoy regular kid activities like playing video games, family board game night, and riding bikes around the neighborhood, going to skool and learning actually useful and interesting things and not being bullied, having someone come and pick him up when he falls and scrapes his knee and give him an Adhesive Medical Strip and a kiss to make it all better, and the unconditional love and endless patience and forgiveness he's afforded.

He starts to think maybe there's an advantage to the arrangement. He can learn so much more about humans from actually living like one, and surely that would be beneficial to his mission, wouldn't it?

At the end of the two week period, Zim is interviewed and asked if he would like to be permanently adopted. He says "yes", only to be told "That's too bad. It looks like they've decided not to move forward with the adoption." Zim is shocked and dismayed.

"How could they not want Zim?!"

The only answer he gets is that the family "didn't feel like it was the right fit", which leaves Zim perplexed, ruminating over whatever he did wrong to make them not love him.

The episode then ends with the Roboparents coming to the adoption agency to look for a new son. Zim tries to get their attention, but they pass him over for a different prospective child and jet off without him.

#invader zim #zim #roboparents #this is almost too cynical even for this show #all hurt #no comfort #just ripping open zim's deepest wound #and letting it bleed out

[heymacy]

hello pals! it's time for a (very late) weekly tag game wednesday! (yes, it's still wednesday in chicago!) i was tagged by @energievie, @deedala, @palepinkgoat, @juliakayyy, & @jrooc - thanks pals!

about you

name: macy

age: thirty and flirty and surviving

star sign: cancer

your first language: english, the dumbest language

second language: i can take your coffee order in perfect spanish and i think that's my biggest accomplishment in the last few years

favorite lip product: aquaphor!

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: ........boxed mac and cheese

if you drink tea, what kind?: sleepytime tea, peppermint, and earl gray (depending on the time of day)

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get?: i drink cold brew which i think is technically a medium roast? ah shit, i'm totally getting fired

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: i almost exclusively use YouTube for ASMR videos

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: jenna marbles i miss you every fucking day

favorite item of clothing right now: a Whidbey Island, WA sweatshirt that i magically found at a thrift store here in Chicago! the world is so small and i miss home!

favorite item of clothing in 2012: my VS PINK leggings, the kind with the thick ass waistband, y'all remember those? mine were black and baby pink

fandom

three movies you recommend: i'll give y'all my letterboxd top four: Some Like It Hot, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Pride and Prejudice (2005) and Moonrise Kingdom

your favorite concert: CHAPPELL ROAN!

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? unfollowed? babygirl this is a blocking household

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? not because of the fans, no. i keep my circles pretty tight and use the block button liberally. i only leave when the fixation breaks and even then i still linger about like a specter of fandom's past

the best tv show you watched last year: suddenly i don't remember a single TV show i watched last year, YIKES. now if you'd said movie...[cracks knuckles] how much time y'all got?

do you have a fancasting you just can't let go of? none come to mind!

a ship you've abandoned: i do not abandon my children, i just sometimes-occasionally-infrequently-intermittently forget to pick them up from daycare, that's all

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? [sweeping gesture] look upon my archive and see that i am an open book

do you have a fandom tattoo? nope!

what fandom do you wish was bigger? talk to me about Anastasia (1997)

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? ruined? no. soiled a little bit, left a sour taste in my mouth, riddled me with disdain? sure, often!

have you...

swam in an ocean? many times!

been vegan/vegetarian? yes, both at different times in my life!

gone skinny dipping? yes!

gone skiing? yes!

been to a convention? yes!

i'm tagging @gardenerian, @7x10mickey, @mmmichyyy, @callivich, @captainjowl, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @arrowflier, @too-schoolforcool, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @y0itsbri, @creepkinginc, @pomegran4te, @sxltburn, @thisdivorce, @vintagelacerosette, @crossmydna, @michellemisfit, & @transmickey ✨

#weekly tag game wednesday #i love you all!

[vidaamour]

Vegan/Vegetarian shopping list:

Pre Made salad bags (it’s a lot cheaper to just buy bagged salad and add to it, then buying a bunch of ingredients that will go bad if not used)

Make a list of fruits and vegetables that you like and get them (some times if you get the funky shaped ones you get a few cents off, even if you don’t that stops the funky shaped produce from being tossed)

Nut butters (most almond and peanut butters are vegan, jelly and Jams aren’t because they’re made with gelatin)

Bread, check the ingredients because a lot of breads are accidentally vegan/vegetarian ( Vegetarian/Vegan (link) Sandwiches will be your best friend)

Pasta (like bread a lot of pasta is accidentally vegan, CHECK THE INGREDIENTS)

Rice and beans are some of the cheapest things to buy, buy them dry and you can have them for a while in your pantry

Google vegan ramen, (if you’re like me and love spicy ramen then you’ll be happy to know Samyang 2x spicy hot chicken flavor Ramen in the red pack is VEGAN they use artificial chicken flavor rather then animal products. Vegan Kimchi regular and spicy is a lot easier to find then you may think just look for ones without fish sauce and shrimp)

Tofu (tofu is very versatile and it’s great source of vegan/vegetarian protein made from soy, it takes flavor beautifully and it’s relatively cheap firm/extra firm is best)

Cheese (there are so many vegan cheese options, for grated parmigiana follow your heart has both grated and shredded, Violife has a block. Violife has the best shredded substitutes, and singles. Daiya is a little weird in my opinion however they’re cheddar dairy free Mac and cheese is amazing (you just gotta use different pasta then it comes with)

Meat substitutes ( We’ve come a long way with decent vegan meat substitutes, beyond meat makes a whole variety of plant based meat substitutes that are very tasty especially if you’re still craving that meaty texture. Impossible meat substitutes also has amazing plant based meat substitutes, Impossible also has vegan chicken nuggets that tastes like McDonald’s and even have dino shaped ones. Light life has everything from vegan sausage crumbles to Bacon, the vegan bacon and hot dogs are amazing)

Eggs (just egg and simply egg are planted based substitutes for eggs, they’re liquid like an egg beater but can be used in place of eggs from a scramble to a baking ingredient)

Dairy (Vegan milk/coffee creamer you got options coconut, almond, soy, oat, pea protein. Pick what you like best. Personally California farms Oat milk in original and California farms oat vanilla creamer are my favorites. I’ll throw cream cheese and Yogurt in here as well Kite Hill regular and Strawberry cream cheese are my favorite, Kite Hill blue berry, and Strawberry vegan yogurt are my favorite. MIYOKO’S vegan butter)

Snacks (Lenny and Larry’s plant based chocolate chip cookies, Spudsy sweet potato puffs they have a million different flavors I like the hot fries. Vegan rob’s dragon puffs these are the vegan equivalent to hot Cheeto puffs but without the red dye 40. Vegan rob’s also has cheese puffs)

Sauces (Anne’s goddess dressing is very tangy, Diaya blue cheese and Caesar dressings are amazing, can be thick though, they also have ranch but I got a vegan homemade ranch recipe. Hot sauce, Franks, Cholula, Tabasco, and Tapatío are vegan. Ketchup& mustard are vegan. Hellmans and follow your heart have vegan mayonnaise,Sir Kingston’s and Follow your heart also have chipotle Mayo. Follow your heart also has vegan sour cream)

Seasonings (seasons you should have in your cabinet click here, the dollar tree sells all these for a dollar and most grocery stores sell adobo)

#HTFDICTIBASVV #vegan #vegetarian #plant based #vegan recipes #vegetarian recipes #low cost cooking #recipes #witchtok #baby witch #pagan witch #witchblr #witchcraft #witch #witch community #witches #witchythings #cottage witch

[faithfromanewperspective]

(re: tags on rb'ed post) It's genuinely so wild to me that people don't know how to cook??? Obviously I don't fault anyone for it, you've got to learn and there's no shame to it, I just really thought everyone had some degree of culinary knowledge until I was like twelve.

Anyway, what are your favorite vegetables to cook with? Favorite summer recipes? Favorite pasta recipes if you've got them? I need new recipes to try :)

exactly, I don't want to fault anyone on it either!! we have to acknowledge the diverse backgrounds we have, levels of privilege etc--and i do also think with that comes, what do we assume as normal just bc it's our experience? and so it's so important to hear from other people. i find a lot of asians and women such as myself learn how to cook from a very young age just like you did, and then assume everyone else does too (i didn't realise most of my friends didn't do their own laundry either all through high school).

anyway in response to your question: I love cooking with eggplant, capsicum, sweet potato, potatoes in general, sweet potato leaves, basically every kind of legume and all the products people make from them, tomatoes, all kinds of herbs (but the italian mix is my favourite) as well as an assortment of asian vegetables and melons that someone in my family always procures and has too much of!! i also love to add ginger to any recipe i feel like is missing its meatiness, green/spring onions go really well with a lot of things and so do raw red onions or cooked brown onions!!

pasta wise i love everything pasta. a pasta bake is a go to one for me as i make a good white sauce and my sisters and i all love it!! lasagna is cool but a bit more time consuming so it's been ages. otherwise anything spaghetti bog/with meatballs (specifically the ones i make from Beyond Meat, water crackers, carrot, onion and spices) is good and i eat it with green beans! it's also super quick bc pasta sauce is like $1 for a big bottle where i live and you just pour it on your spaghetti or pasta. i also love all things ramen (both the curly type and the more expensive straight organic japanese one, they also have other noodles called udon and soba that you literally just boil for 5mins and have with sprouts or smth and olive oil and it's delicious). i do love mac and cheese when i get a good vegan cheese but it's pretty hit and miss on that.

and as for summer recipes i'm a big smoothie gal!! pack it with protein powder and chia seeds and coconut water for electrolytes and ice cream for fun but i love mango/banana, pineapple/papaya, mint/spinach/coconut, mixed berry, sometimes i'll shake it up and do orange/papaya or smth!! i love all the bright colours and how creamy they are if you have a good banana or mango or papaya or just really creamy soy milk. also love anything with watermelon+mint (my sister makes a really good salad with it and cos lettuce, olives, cucumber and baby tomatoes i believe). also my beyond meat meatballs go well on a skewer dipped in guacamole for the summer nights where it's light right up til bedtime!

#vegan things #recipes #i do have to say sometimes finding the executive function is hard #but that's why i cook in bulk and also. rice salads are good for that too and so are stews and curries and they all go with celery

[wardenparker]

You’re So Vain - Chapter 7

Dieter Bravo x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Oscar winning star Dieter Bravo’s reputation is suffering after the debacle of “Cliff Beasts 6″ and “Beasts of the Bubble”, so his management team has signed him on to a publicity stunt to find his soulmate and show the world a softer side of the erratic and unpredictable star. The plan quickly go awry, though, when Dieter’s soulmate wants nothing to do with him.      

Rating: E for Explicit! 18+! We finally made it! Word Count: 10.5k Warnings: *Blanket warning for chronic illness, cursing, and deceased family members. This is a Dieter fic, folks, so there absolutely will be discussions of drugs, drug use, and addiction.* Enemies to lovers, fake dating, alcohol consumption. This chapter is marked dub-con for drunk sex but *both* parties are fully into it. Drinking makes these two infinitely more honest with each other. Drunk sex, fingering, exhibitionism, biting, body shots, oral sex (f receiving), hair pulling, blink of a size kink, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, Dieter is a fucking menace and we love him.  Summary: Date number four is a celebrity birthday party, and with you and Dieter finally beginning to tolerate each other, things get much chummier than expected. Notes: WE FINALLY MADE IT. It is smut time! But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s smooth sailing from here. Please note that the dub-con tag in warnings is PURELY because both parties are drunk, not because of any coercion. They are both extremely, as the cool kids say, down to clown. 

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6

Dieter meant to talk to you. After the way that things were left, he had honestly planned to pick up his phone and text you. To ask how Nora was. Except that the next few days were busy. Costume fittings and sitting with hair and makeup as they cut his hair and experimented with his look for the film. It didn’t help that Steph texted him. Kept him in the loop on Nora, so he didn’t have the excuse to start a conversation. You had posted the picture of the two of you kissing in front of the castle - so he couldn’t even annoy you about that. And you hadn’t reached out to him. Three days of silence and he was completely overthinking why that was. Wondering if you were just playing nice until your contract with Libby is over. So he doesn’t text you.

It’s torture for you: all the wondering and the and the fear and the staring at your phone wondering if you said too much and pushed too hard and made yourself completely undesirable company in a whole opposite way by telling him all your tragic bullshit. Is that why he didn’t even check on Nora? Did you just imagine how much better you were getting along? Did you imagine that you were starting to actually give a shit about him? That he cared about your family?

It’s torture, and it’s even worse when Libby takes time out of her busy schedule to actually show up at your house with a stylist for this goddamn party instead of just sending you your outfit and bag via courier like normal. No, this Ned Allyn guy having this big blow out birthday party is apparently a really big deal, so you have to look Hollywood enough and that means she needs to see each dress on you to pick the right one. They’re all super short, skimpy, and nothing like you would wear otherwise, but Libby is never one to compromise.

Red, glittery fabric clings to your torso and you wonder how you’re supposed to walk in these heels, so sitting at the kitchen table and colouring with Nora while you wait to be picked up is the safest option. Steph is making their dinner for two and you swear to god dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with vegan mac and cheese has never sounded so good - who knows what they’ll be serving at this party besides enough booze to sink a ship.

******

Black on black. That’s what he’s wearing. The black suit is paired with a shirt that has a light print over the black material, making sure that there is not just monotony in his color scheme. Paired with a light pair of dress loafers and Libby had threatened to break his sunglasses if he wore them, so they had been left at the house. Even his hair is combed, and he wonders how you will react since it’s cut and his face has noticeably less hair on it than normal. Even wearing cologne since it’s supposed to be a party that is both fun and networking. Pulling up to your house, he sees Libby’s car is in the driveway and sighs, knowing he’s going to have to deal with her beyond the ten thousand texts she’s sent him over the past few days.

“Finally!” Libby jumps up from the table where she’s been sitting beside you, picking at your hairdo and talking your ear off about how to be a good Hollywood girlfriend, when the doorbell rings. She is the one who strides over to open it, smiling when she sees Dieter on the doorstep looking like a polished movie star. “She’s ready,” Libby tells him, stepping aside to let him in.

“Fuck Lib, she can get dressed by herself.” Dieter groans, knowing you are probably irritated after being put through a stylist. He hates when he has to spend hours with them before an awards ceremony and he’s pretty easy to style.

“Apparently not for tonight.” You have to be careful standing up because the dress is so short you could accidentally flash someone and you’re not great in heels, but you step out to the front door to say hello regardless. He looks…every inch a movie star in a luxurious black suit, and the way they’ve cut his hair for his next movie makes it curlier and seem thicker somehow, which makes you momentarily wonder what it would feel like to run your fingers through it. Nope. Get that thought out of your fuckin head right now.

Dieter’s eyes blow wide, trailing up and down your body slowly. He’s seen your skin, you were wearing shorts and a tank top at Disney, but there’s something about this that makes him want to pull you into his arms. “Wow.” He manages finally. “You— you look good.”

“I—um…thanks.” You’re not really sure what to say to it since you had no stake in how you look, but still you fluster a little and have to look away. “You do, too.”

“Exactly the reaction I was going for!” Libby nods, congratulating herself immediately as she snatches up her bag from the table beside the door. “Alright, you two. Please stay together tonight. If you do wander the party separately, don’t let it be for too long and…” she grins mischievously. “See if you can’t post another kiss? The response to the last one was phenomenal.”

“Lib.” Dieter huffs, not wanting you to think that you have to kiss him again. You haven’t talked to him, you haven’t even tried, so he doubts you want to kiss him again. Especially since he’s not sure if he wants to kiss you again, or never stop kissing you.

“Be good tonight, Dee.” She gives him a wink. “And try to have fun,” she adds to you before trotting out the door.

He rolls his eyes, wanting to remind her that his idea of fun is snorting something and he’s not going to be doing that. “Are you ready?” He asks, glancing around for Nora or Steph.

“Yeah, I just have to grab my purse.” Nodding toward the kitchen, you motion lamely with one hand. “Do you…uh, want to say hi? Steph’s making dinner and Nora’s coloring.”

“Yeah.” Dieter relaxes, grinning at the idea of seeing the little girl again. He follows you into the kitchen and smiles happily at the scene. “Hey squirt! How they hangin’?” He asks, chipper tone playful.

“Uncle Deedee!” Nora hops out of her chair and hits the ground with what can only be described as a slam, immediately running over to give him as big a hug as her little arms are capable of. “I knew you were coming! Auntie gets extra pretty to see you.”

“She does, does she?” Dieter chuckles and watches you fluster, even though he knows it’s because of Libby that you do. If you had your way, you would interact with him wearing a hazmat suit. “Heard you’ve been doing better kiddo.” He scoops her up and sets her on his lip, heedless of his expensive clothes. “Sorry I haven’t been by. I’ve been really busy and it’s annoying.” He rolls his eyes. “But your mom texted me to let me know you love the costume and you are doing good.”

“Uh huh!” Nothing in the universe could stop Nora from throwing her arms around her new favorite uncle and hugging him tight, and neither of them seem to notice when you carefully click into the kitchen with your forehead drawn to say goodbye to Steph. “You’ve been texting him?” You’re not mad, you realize as soon as the words are out of your mouth. But now at least you understand why he hasn’t talked to you. He had no reason to, if he was hearing about Nora from her mother.

“I just sent him a text the next day. With a picture of her in her costume.” Steph frowns, stepping closer to you. “I— did I overstep?” She asks you quietly, not liking the disappointment that she sees swimming in your eyes.

“No.” You shake your head and shrug, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Just…I wondered why I hadn’t heard from him, that’s all. I guess once he knew she was doing better that’s all he needed.”

“Ask him about the last few days.” Steph begs you. “He just texted me back ‘thanks’ and that’s been it. He’s probably been busy.” She reaches over and puts her hand on your arm. “Talk to him, don’t assume.”

“We’ll see.” Hugging her quickly, the last thing you want to admit is that you’re actually a little jealous that she got even one measly text from him when you got nothing at all. “I have no idea what time this thing will go until, but I promise I’ll get enough sleep to watch Nora tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it if you can’t.” Steph tells you. “The daycare promised that they will not ever give her anything that I don’t bring in again. The director will be feeding her.” They had been worried about Steph suing them after the last episode since her dietary restrictions were clearly listed.

“I promised her we’d go to the zoo so she can draw the funny horsies.” You smile, knowing Nora’s own personal sketchbook will be full of the most unrecognizable giraffe drawings in the world tomorrow. “Gnight, hun.” Once more hug and you’re back out to the front hall, where Nora is bopping Dieter’s nose and giggling like a maniac. It would be a genuinely sweet sight if not for the ugly self-doubt twisting in your belly right now. “Ready when you are,” you tell him quietly, with your purse now in hand.

“Okay.” Dieter mean mugs Nora playfully and crosses his eyes. “We gotta go, squirt.” He explains. “But as soon as I can, I’m gonna carve out some time to watch Toy Story with you, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay!” That makes her giggle happily as he sets her down again and you give her a quick, tight hug before she scrambles back to the kitchen to her mom.

“Is that something you’ll have time for?” The question is out of your mouth before you can stop yourself, even as you’re walking out the front door. “I mean, don’t you leave in a week?” Seven days, and somehow you’re supposed to stuff two more dates into that time frame. You still have no idea what Libby has planned - she wouldn’t say a word.

He’s angry for a split second, hearing the judgement in your tone. Instead of snapping at you, he sighs, guiding you over to the car since you are wearing heels. Pulling out his phone and opening it, he hands you it with his calendar open. “See what time works best. I’ll make it happen.”

That wasn’t the reaction you were expecting from him, and as he slides into the backseat beside you and signals for his driver to take off, you can see that not only does he have a jam-packed week ahead - but it looks like he’s barely had time to sleep over the last three days. Meetings, interviews, a photo shoot, and a thousand abbreviations you don’t understand are all set into his calendar with sometimes minutes to spare between them and it had never occurred to you for a second that he would be so busy. Being a movie star always seems so luxurious, but here is the evidence in front of you that it is sometimes the complete opposite. “Wow…” You shake your head at the screen. “You’ve been busy…”

“Yeah.” He huffs, rolling his eyes at his insane schedule as he leans forward and adjusts his jacket behind him so he doesn’t crush it too badly. “A day in the life sometimes. But it will taper off when I’m actually on set. I refuse to do much during the production unless it’s for that movie. Like behind the scenes stuff.”

“Not working this summer has kind of put a dent in my memory of what a work schedule is like, I guess.” His Tuesday night dinner time slot is empty on his calendar, and you tap it with your thumb before typing in Dinner and Toy Story and handing it back. “Taco Tuesday is a very serious occasion in our house. And that way Libby can’t schedule you for another dinner meeting. Just tell her you have plans with me.”

Dieter raises his brows at you. “Like how serious?” He demands. “If you tell me you don’t use crema or Cotija, I’m gonna disown the lot of you.” He jokes, sending you a small grind “Minus Squirt, because she can’t have it.”

“Serious like we make our own tortillas and I got my pork carnitas recipe from an abuela that lived in my apartment complex after I broke down and followed the smell to her door after smelling it every week for six months.” It’s awkward to find a comfortable way to sit in such a short dress, and you end up just stretching your legs out in front of you with a sigh. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who hates cilantro?”

“Fuck no.” Dieter snorts. “If your breath doesn’t smell like cilantro and onions after tacos, did you really eat them?” He asks with an amused chuckle. “One shoot, there was this taco truck a few streets over, I would get like fifty tacos every day for me and some of the crew. Best fucking munchie food.”

“When I was in grad school there was this place near campus that made the best every kind of taco. I mean anything you could ever want, they made.” The way you sigh at the memory is almost reverent. “I swear if I ever travel again, I’m just going to sit in that restaurant for an entire day and do nothing but eat tacos.”

“That sounds like a great vacation.” Dieter groans, imagining just that. “I love eating new things while I’m traveling.”

Traveling stopped being a possibility for you years ago with your salary being what it is and helping to take care of Shawn and then Nora, but you nod anyway. “If you’re ever near Gainesville, Florida, just ask anybody on the UFL campus where the best tacos are. You’ll thank me for it.”

He wants to offer to take you there. Just to see if these tacos are as good as you say, but he doesn’t. Instead, he nods. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The ride is mostly friendly, and you talk about Nora to keep it that way. She seems to be the ultimate middle ground between you that never causes a fight, so you don’t really mind it. It’s not until the car pulls into a gated community right on the coast that you blow out a long, soft breath. “So…this party is going to be on tv at some point?”

“No.” Dieter frowns and shrugs. “Maybe some videos from people’s phones, but this is private party.”

“Okay.” That means you misunderstood completely when Libby was explaining the guy’s reality show to you and honestly it’s a relief. Gossip websites are plenty for you to deal with. The thought of being on tv was terrifying. “That’s…that’s better. TV cameras would have scared the shit out of me, to be honest.”

Dieter chuckles and throws you a small smirk. “Yeah?” The idea is foreign to him but that’s okay. “I guess it’s so no one is filmed doing things that might be technically against the law.”

“Right.” There will probably be plenty of that tonight, and you can only assume that Dieter despises the fact that you’ll be with him because it keeps him from enjoying himself. His sobriety agreement is strictly between him and Libby, but after what he knows about your past, he fully understands that recreational drug use isn’t something you’ll ever willingly engage in again. “Well…you do whatever it is that you do at these things. I’ll stand nearby and keep smiling unless somebody talks to me.”

Dieter snorts and shakes his head. “Looking like that?” He asks, sneaking a glance at your legs. “You’ll be seduced into a bedroom if I turn my back for a second.”

"Not even a remote possibility." You can say that for sure, though you're not sure if his remark is also an accidental compliment of some kind. "I'm not a seduced by total strangers kind of girl."

“You don’t know that.” He teases. “Chris Evans is going to be there.”

“And I’m sure he will have a very pretty, very funny date.” There’s no possible way to actually tell him that you haven’t given a single thought to any other man since that goddamn kiss, so you just shrug as Dieter’s driver pulls up outside an enormous mansion already swarming with partygoers. “Maybe I’ll try to stand in the same room as him so I can tell Nora that I saw Captain America. But…I came here with you. So I’ll leave with you.” Unless he wants to sleep with someone else, in which case you’ll be calling this car back to get you in a heartbeat and probably snatching a bottle of tequila from the party to drink on the way home. God what an awful thought that is…

There’s a surge of pride in him, knowing that you’re going home with him, even if that’s not how you see it. “Good to know...” He murmurs softly, tapping his fingers in his leg to keep from touching you. The door opens and Dieter grins. “Party time.”

It is…overwhelming. To say the least. The enormous mansion and seemingly endless sea of guests is ready to swallow Dieter whole the second he gets out of the car. People can’t resist saying hello, reaching for hugs, and telling him how great he looks, and you can’t say you disagree. The problem is that they’re already about to separate the two of you right from the get-go and you won’t know what the fuck to do if you lose him in there. Text him? Sure. But who’s to say he’ll notice?

Dieter greets people, some friends, others just casual acquaintances. Feeling his energy being buoyed by the presence of others. Always enjoying those that work in the arts. He feels your hand on his shoulder slip away and turns to see that you are being moved away. Not rudely or on purpose, but Dieter doesn’t like it. “Hey! Come greet my soulmate!” He moves past to reach you again and slips his arm around your waist, anchoring you to him.

In a moment of gratitude, you just cling to him. He’s different like this - energized and almost sunny in a way you haven’t seen from him in person before. With his arm around your waist, you twine your own around his shoulder, leaning into him sideways so that no one can get between you without a whole lot of effort. “Thanks,” you murmur close to his ear, giving his shoulder a squeeze before you put your free hand out to greet the few people who care to say hello. A few kiss your cheek and a few others laugh incoherently about some joke you don’t know, but Dieter’s hand stays on your waist the whole time.

He has a reputation as a philander, as a man who flits from liaison to liaison, they couldn’t be called relationships because they didn’t last long, but Dieter tries to make sure that his partners have fun with him. This extends to you tonight. Putting aside everything and remembering that you wouldn’t be interested in any of the party favors, he plies you with champagne, making sure that your glass is never halfway empty until you decide you want to drink something else.

“You…you just…you just go to parties like this? All the time?” After more champagne than you can keep track of and definitely not enough food, you’re giggly and excitable and whispering loudly beside Dieter next to one of the multiple pools on this enormous property. “This is like what parties are like in movies.”

Dieter grins, liking this version of you. You’re relaxed and he thinks he might have seen you smile more tonight than all the other times with him combined. “Yeah.” He bobbles his head enthusiastically, having kept up with you drink for drink. “Makes sense cause all the movie stars are here.” He teases and throws you a wildly exaggerated wink.

“Shuddup.” Warm and fuzzy and just loose enough from all the bubbly to be silly, you stick your tongue out at him and scrunch up your face like that somehow makes it mean more. “I’m just a civilian, Deedee. It’s all fancy here. They’re gonna know I don’t beloooong.”

“You do belong.” He huffs, frowning at you with the biggest pout. “You— you’re here with meeeee, to start.” He holds up one finger with a snort. “And you l-look like a sexy little starlet in that dress.” He triumphantly takes away the one finger and acts like it explains it all.

The raspberry you blow at him is loud, but no one pays you a second of extra attention, too engrossed in their own conversations. “Just cause it’s red,” you huff, finishing the last of the champagne in your glass. “Lib said you loooove red.” The compliments that his manager had paid you while you were getting ready were numerous, but at the time you hadn’t paid them much attention.

“You do look good.” He’s mortally offended you don’t believe him, biting his lip and shaking his head. “You could have any guy you wanted here tonight.” He insists. “Girl too.”

“Pfffft.” After shaking your head for a second too long, you get dizzy and have to cling to him on the lounge chair you’re sharing. “Don’t want any of them,” you mumble, only vaguely conscious of the fact that you have no filter as you inhale the scent of his cologne.

“What do you want?” He leans back in the chair and feels his alcoholic buzz make the world tilt slightly, so he opens his eyes.

“What everybody wants.” When he leans away you almost instinctively go with him, still leaning on his shoulder. “To be wanted.”

“True.” Dieter blows out a sigh. “I’ve forgotten what that feels like.” He hums drunkenly, wrapping his arm around your waist and tugging you closer, nearly pulling you into his lap.

“Me too.” This close to him, it’s like everything else - the house, the people, the party - dissolves and it’s just you and him. Which is a feeling you honestly never thought you would have in your entire life, and it makes you feel soft around the fuzzy, liquored edges. “‘Xcept…‘cept for when you kissed me…” You mumble, focused on watching his lips more than any other part of him. “And I could pretend you did…”

“Shocked me.” Dieter mumbles, remembering how good it had felt. “Hated it.” He confesses. “Knowing you w-would never want that.”

A lightning bolt of shock couples with a groan of aggravation, and you end of fixing him with an unintentionally plaintive expression while you’re halfway sitting in his lap. “Then you shouldn’t have hated it,” you tell him, slightly slurred words all the more honest for all the champagne that smeared them. “You think I would still be so mad if I didn’t still like you?” It is definitely the first time you have ever admitted it out loud, with the inevitable embarrassment far from your thoughts at the moment. Only a hopeful flip in your stomach that has nothing to do with the liquor and everything to do with the way he’s looking at you right now.

Dieter has an answer, somewhere rattling around in his brain. Quirky and hilarious, but he can’t think of it with your big, glassy eyes on him. Hopefully filled with the desire that has him moving. Lunging forward and eagerly pressing his lips to yours like he’s been granting a wish. He swallows up your squeak easily, the sound of surprise overruled by the crushing pressure of his lips against yours and the humming satisfaction buzzing all through your body. Your arms tighten around him, holding him as close as you can and praying to whatever is out there that this isn’t a dream that your tipsy brain conjured up in your bed or the back of his car after having too much to drink. Just hoping that this is real. That your soulmate might actually want you, too.

That spark, that pull deep in his belly, is back when his lips are against yours. Making him groan quietly and grip the back of your neck, pressing you harder against him as his tongue slides against the seam of your lips to beg for entrance. Amazed that he is kissing you again and wanting to keep doing it forever.

If the first kiss shared between you was all shock and tension the way you hadn’t been able to believe how good it felt, this second is like the snapping of all the tightly coiled wanting that you had not been willing to acknowledge that day. A messy, enthusiastic declaration of desire that has both of you grasping at each other like you’re trying to get under the other’s skin. You open up for him instantly, moaning a little more loudly than could be considered soft but not caring for a single second.

Dieter shudders, drunk on the taste the champagne from your mouth and the canapés that you should have probably eaten more of. He’s not thinking about the past right now. Otherwise his hands never would have slid down your back and squeezed your ass like they did, nearly pulling the short fabric up over your curves in his eagerness.

That earns him another squeak from you and a giggle as you shift in his lap to get as close to him as humanly possible. It might be your imagination, but his hands feel huge now that they’re on you, and the thought of what they might feel like elsewhere is immediate.

“Fuck.” Dieter curses against your lips, eyes closed, and he starts to scatter kisses along your neck after ducking his head down. “Feel so good baby.” He slurs slightly, but he is already hard underneath you. The length of the dress keeps you from straddling you, but his legs are spread wide, and you are slotted between them, his cock pressing against your mound.

All you can do at first is whimper, the small sound breaking through as you try in vain to get your breath back from where he had stolen it away. “So good,” you agree wholeheartedly, gasping when his teeth nip at the sensitive skin of your neck. “‘S unbelievable.”

He keens when you writhe against him, grinding on his cock. Doesn’t even remember the last time he got laid, but he wants you more than he’s ever wanted anyone. “Let me— fuck, let’s go home.” He pants out, rocking your ass up and harder against him. “Want to see what’s under this dress.”

The devious smirk on your face when you finally process the comment is so lecherous that you make yourself squirm, panting openly as your eyes find his. “Not much,” you tell him honestly, loving the way you can feel him twitch in his pants in response.

“Fuck.” He whines, pouting instantly and look at you with needy, pleading gaze. “Do you want to have sex with me?” He asks breathlessly, wanting nothing more than that in his present state.

“Get the fucking car, Dee.” Pressing into his space again, you crush your lips to his quickly before pulling away again, nodding eagerly. “I can’t guarantee I won’t fuck you in the car if the drive takes too long.”

“Yes ma’am.” His eyes blow wide at the idea and he’s wearing a nearly giddy grin. Stumbling to his feet and bobbling slightly before he reaches for you. “Come on - we’re blowing this popsicle stand.” He declares loudly, making a few people turn their heads. “I’m getting laid!”

The smattering of cheers and applause has you burrowing into his side as the two of you stumble inelegantly back into the house to find your way downstairs. He has his phone out in one hand, summoning whatever member of his security staff is working tonight, while the other arm is wrapped so tightly around you that you might as well be wearing him as clothing.

Both of you are standing in front of the house, slightly swaying together and he clings to you and you to him. “Want to—” Dieter grunts and blinks rapidly as his vision blurs. “Wanna make out in the car?” He asks.

“Duh.” You snort, giggling in bubbly amusement as the car you vaguely recognize as his pulls up to the curb. “You’re fun to kiss.”

“Mr. Bravo.”

Dieter swings his head around when he hears his name, grinning at the driver. “RICO!” He giggles as he tugs you along with him. “Don’t look in the rear-view mirror, ‘kay?”

“Sure, Mr. Bravo.” Rico cracks a grin, always glad to see his boss happy, and opens the back door for the two of you to climb in. “Straight home, I’m guessing?”

“Quickly.” This time when you are climbing into the car, Dieter slaps your ass with a giggle.

“C’mere.” You practically tug him in after you, giggling just as jubilantly when Dieter huffs and squawks before landing on the seat beside you with an oof and a broad grin. Rico is still rounding the front of the car when you pout about seatbelts keeping you too far apart and buckle yourself into the center of the backseat to be closer to Dieter.

“Fuck, I want to bite you.” Dieter growls, lunging for you and grabbing your thigh, twisted in his seat. “Just fucking eat you up.”

Even as the car glides forward you slide a little in your seat, trying to get into his lap but failing because of the seatbelt. “Do it.” The thought of being marked - regardless of whether or not there is a physical bite mark visible, he still did it - makes you squirm.

“Fuck the seatbelts.” Dieter pushes the button, aware that Rico will be careful, and he rides without them all the time back here. He drags you into his lap, growling playfully at your squeal and immediately burrowing his face into your neck, teeth digging into your skin while he shoves his hand under your dress.

“Fuuuck.” Completely unconcerned with anything else in the world right now, the way he’s attacking your skin and grasping at your entire body is making you wetter than you have been in years. The slickness so eagerly dampening the tiny set of silk shorts under your dress just pours out of you in waves that you couldn’t control even if you wanted to. As it is, though, you’re more than happy to let him explore your legs and hips with those overlarge hands, feeling like he’s touching all of you at once and never letting you breathe between deep kisses and the seemingly incorrigible amount of bites he’s leaving along your neck.

“Fuck.” Dieter strokes the material and hooks a finger under the material to touch the slick skin underneath. “Hot, you’re so fucking hot, baby.”

His hand is between your legs - something you vaguely register as having considered impossible before - makes you moan so unrepentantly that the people in the next car over can hear you. Not that they can see through the tinted windows, but it is loud. “Can’t even fuck — fuckin remember,” you mumble between kisses. “Last time anybody touched me — shit.”

“Fucking shame.” Dieter groans, shaking his head as he bites your collar bone. His fingers slide down and presses against your entrance but doesn’t push inside. “You fucking look so good like this.”

The shallow, shaky moan on your lips is enough to have Rico practicing very controlled breathing and forcibly thinking extremely pure thoughts up front, but you’re blissfully unaware as you shift in Dieter’s lap on the drive. “Gonna look even better all spread out,” you hum, squirming to try to get him to touch you even a little bit more.

“Jesus yes.” Dieter’s tongue slides along your shoulder and because you didn’t pull away, he starts to push two fingers inside you. Moaning at how hot and tight you are. “Fuck.”

“Jesus — oh my god—” You really had forgotten how much better it feels to have any part of a person inside you than your toys, and you toss your head back and moan at the feeling of being filled up even a little. “Fuck yes.”

Dieter hisses and his cock throbs in his pants. Curling his fingers up and watching your throat move while he searches for the spot that makes you squeal. It’s always so much fun when he finds that. “Look at you.”

“Feels so fucking good.” At this point you basically just wish you could sprawl out on top of him but being in the backseat of a car definitely prevents that. Instead you find yourself canting your hips toward his hand to beg for more while you try to remember what the hell his neighborhood looks like out the window through a haze of champagne and pleasure. Have you ever actually been to his house? Would you even know what to recognize? None of it seems to matter, just as long as he doesn’t stop.

Dieter can’t think of anything but you. The sweet tightness of your cunt around his fingers with the moans that are filling the backseat has him ready to just fuck you right here. But he can’t. That much he knows, or at least he thinks he does. Needs to get you into his house. Maybe his pool. “Want you to cum.” Dieter murmurs, pumping his fingers as fast as he can without losing rhythm.

It’s like he’s halfway in between giving you permission and begging you to bestow a gift on him, but either way when the floodgates open your whole body is wracked with it. Turning your head to pour what you know will be a very loud moan into kissing him instead of letting it roar, the full force of cumming on his fingers has you nearly blanking out to the world around you. Anything outside of you, him, and the literal flood of pleasure threatening to drip down to his watch just doesn’t exist anymore.

Dieter pants against your mouth, groaning when he feels how wet you get. “Fuckin’ beautiful.” He murmurs, lost in the haze of the booze and how easily you respond to his touch.

Rico clears his throat. “We are home, sir.”

You nearly lose your senses, giggling in wild embarrassment because you had completely forgotten anyone else was even with you. For all you cared, it was the champagne bubbles floating you home. Untangling yourself from Dieter and climbing out of his lap is about the most uncoordinated you have ever been in your life but it feels like you did a great job, even if you do hate that he had to take his fingers out of your dripping pussy in order for you to move.

Dieter stumbles out of the back, grinning as he slips his fingers into his mouth and moans at your taste. Making a theatrical production of sucking your juices off and licking every drop from skin. “Don’t— uh, don’t come into the bedroom.” He warns Rico, snickering and winking at him. “I’m gonna be balls deep in like t-two minutes.”

“Enjoy your night.” It’s always what Rico says whenever his boss has a guest for the night, and he will definitely be playing some music downstairs while he whiles away the nighttime hours.

“Oh, we’re gonna.” You grin, snagging Dieter’s other hand and tugging him toward the front door only to stop short a second later. “Yer house is biiig.”

“That’s what she said.” Dieter snorts, tugging you closer. “C’mon, wanna show you the bed. Or the hot tub.” He waggles his brows and leers playfully, ready to strip you down.

“Take me to bed, Dee.” Batting your eyelashes prettily - and making the world spin a little in the process - you lean hard on the fact that he admitted earlier in the night that he likes when you use his nickname and lean in to steal a kiss at his front door.

Dieter growls and chuckles, barreling through the door in his haste to get you where he wants you. “Kick your shoes off.” He huffs, doing the same with his own and racing for the stairs as fast as his drunken gait will allow.

The heels that Libby strapped you into take work to get out of and you definitely might have broken one of the buckles trying to get them the hell off, but you follow him up the stairs with that same disjointed walk of someone who would definitely not pass a breathalyzer in a million years. You’ll have to get a better look at his house another time, because right now all you’re doing is blatantly watching his ass as he walks just a step or two ahead of you.

“Want another drink?” Dieter spins around at the top of the stairs. “Or do you want something else?” He would offer drugs, there’s a few stashes he had around the house that Libby hadn’t found. But he wouldn’t because it’s you and he knows you wouldn’t appreciate the offer.

“Drink is good.” The other stuff just holds no appeal for you, whereas you could go on feeling fuzzy and free like this for ages.

“Wine? Vodka - no I drank all the vodka, uh, rum? Or water?” He squints and looks up at the ceiling as he tries to remember what all he has.

“Just pour two of something.” It doesn’t really matter what it is, just as long as he’s still touching you somehow while you share that drink.

There is a bar cart in his bedroom. Maybe it speaks to bad habits, but there are times when it comes in handy. Like when he wants to pour some liquor on a partner and lick it off. “Okay.” He carelessly pushes the door open and waves his hand around. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Jeeeeez…” Looking around his room as you walk in behind him, you let out a low whistle at the sheer size of the place. On one wall there is a series of large and small paintings all signed with the same signature - his - that you will want to study at length some other time. Right now your only real concern is getting him out of that suit, and since just thinking about it makes you grin, you plop right down on the edge of his soft bed and pull your legs up under you.

Dieter moves over to the bar cart and snatches up the bottle of rum he had promised and pulls off the cork, turning around and grinning when he finds you already on his bed. “That’s where I want you.” He hums as he tips the bottle up. “Bet this would taste great between your pussy lips.”

It’s not something you’ve ever done before, and the wolfish look on his face makes you nod with eager anticipation. “Only one way to find out.”

Dieter chuckles, trying to swagger over to you but trips on the rug and nearly goes sprawling into the floor before he catches himself. “Fuck.” He huffs, looking offended at the carpet before looking back at you. “Did you see that? Almost embarrassed myself.”

“Watch out for attack rugs,” you nod like it’s the wisest thing you’ve ever said, just watching him step closer and closer to where you’re waiting. “They’re mean.”

Dieter nods seriously. “They are mean, I don’t like mean.” He sends you a pout before he completely changes tactics. “But I like you spread out in my bed.” He coos, coming closer now that the evil rug has been defeated.

“Yeah?” A breathless giggle of anticipation has you rocking slightly in place. Or maybe that’s all the champagne keeping you at a steady sway, you can’t tell at all. Either way you look past him at the wall of art before refocusing. “Should paint me one day.”

“Hmmm.” Dieter crawls up on the bed. “With clothes or naked?” He demands, putting the bottle to the side and grabbing your ankle to tug you closer.

“Both.” As soon as he’s close enough, your fingers are already fumbling for the buttons on his shirt. “Used to dream ‘bout it.”

His cock twitches and he grins down at you. “Thought you didn’t know I painted?” He asks, even as he works to find the zipper of your dress. “Fuck, how do I get you out of this?” He hisses, not finding anything to unzip or unbutton.

“Just pull.” That earns him another giggle, since getting the damn dress off you is a lot easier than he was making it out to be. “I paint,” you remind him, captivating by watching his hands skate across your skin. “Wanted to be your muse.”

Dieter shudders, tracing your curves and greedily grabbing at them. His inebriated state making him slightly clumsy as he fumbles with the strapless bra. “Come off.” He hisses, glaring at it. “Want to see the titties.” It takes both of you, and definitely more time than it should, but eventually your bra hits the ground beside the rumpled ball of fabric that was your dress. “Titties!” Dieter crows in delight and wastes no time in burying his face between them while cupping them closer. “Fuck.” He muffles against your skin before his tongue comes out to glide along your sternum.

“Likes titties. Check.” Intoning it like the most important checklist in the world, you let out a half-moan at the feeling of his tongue on your skin. “Fuck.”

“Love ‘em.” Dieter turns his head and sucks one nipple into his mouth, biting down on it gently before soothing it with his tongue. Looking up at you with big eyes, he finds your tilting your head back in pleasure.

“Don’t stop.” It’s been forever since anyone has actually touched you and the feeling is as intoxicating as any liquor. All you want is more.

“Neferrr.” Dieter promises, your nipple still in his mouth. Letting go of one breast, he slides his hand down to cup your pussy over your panties.

“Shit.” Just like before, your hips seek more from his hand immediately, this time bucking up toward his palm. Even having cum once, you never want the sensation to end.

Dieter strokes you over the panties, teasing you with his fingers. “So good.” He tells you after he pulls off your tit with a pop.

“You’re not naked.” The complaint comes with a pout, which you aim at him despite the gasping sigh that comes when he presses his fingers over your swollen clit, making you throb and ache gorgeously.

Chuckling, he pulls away and stumbles off the bed. “Eager— I like it.” He waggles his brows and starts to throw off his clothes in careless abandon.

“Gotta be fair,” you contest, slipping both thumbs into the sides of your panties to slide them off and chuck them into the growing pile of rejected clothing. After working so hard to keep your soulmate’s marks a secret for more than ten years, it feels strange and extremely intimate to actually bare yourself to him like this. Thank god the cloud of alcohol in both of your minds isn’t letting either of you dwell on anything but how good you feel and how much you want each other in this moment.

Dieter has managed to strip down to his boxers. “Look at you.” His eyes blow wide and practically pants at the sight of you naked.

“Or you could fuck me.” You smirk, shifting back on his bed to make room for him to climb in beside you.

Dieter quickly strips off his boxers, cock bouncing as he steps out of them and kicks them to the side. “Oh, I’m gonna fuck you.” He promises, climbing back into the bed and grabbing the rum bottle. “Right after I drink from your cunt.”

Your utter lack of inhibitions at the moment have you reaching for him, the fingers of one hand wrapping themselves around his impressive length. He’s too close and too tantalizing not to touch and he’s so pretty like this - looking wrecked when you’ve barely even touched him. “Fucking hell, where do you hide this thing?”

Dieter’s grin is open mouth, moaning when you squeeze him. “I— ugh, there’s a reason— reason I wear baggy pants.” He groans. “Plus I’m a grower.” He huffs.

“Never gonna give you shit about your pants again.” You swear, leaning over and kitten licking the purple tip of his cock where precum has beaded so beautifully just waiting for you to enjoy it.

“Shit.” He hisses, jerking his hips back and flattening his hand on your sternum to push you back. “Don’t— it’s been too long since I’ve had a mouth on my cock.” He explains as he opens the rum bottle and takes a long drink before he hands you the bottle and smirks, moving down and dribbling some on your cunt before he winks and starts lapping it up.

Just like that all thought has evaporated from your mind again, as you fall back in the mountain of pillows on his bed and reach down to card your fingers through his curls. “Fucking yes, Dee, oh my god.” That smart mouth of his and quick tongue were made for eating pussy, apparently, and it is an amazing revelation.

Dieter loves it. Groans and messily sliding his tongue through your folds and circling it around your clit before he flicks it boldly. Pulling away and holding his hand out for the bottle. “Another.” He demands, eyes dancing with wicked delight.

“Whatever you want, just keep doing that.” It could be an order or it could be begging, and you don’t really care which as you quickly hand him the bottle after another swig for yourself.

“Yes ma’am.” His chuckle is loose, slurred slightly, and he turns the bottle up with another large mouthful of the flavorful rum before he leans back over your cunt. Swallowing most before letting another little stream of the alcohol bathe your pussy lips as he groans and dives back in.

The delightful surprise that Dieter loves to have his hair pulled comes with all of the most gorgeous grunts and groans in the universe. He’s messy but you couldn’t give less of a shit, too lost in how good it feels to care much about technique. All that matters is that he never, ever stops.

He laps and licks, sucks and strokes your cunt. Never satisfied with the moan or whimper that pours from your lips, determine to hear more. His world spinning as he devours your cunt and he’s not quite sure that it’s the alcohol causing it. Curses and praises and moans and whimpers and who the hell knows what other kind of sounds are pouring from your lips, spurring him on. When your thighs start to tremble around his ears you’re fairly certain you’ve reached shouting volume levels but that could not fucking matter less. Being a half a breath away from cumming on his tongue is everything, even if you never ever thought it could happen until right now.

Dieter can feel that you are close. Curling his tongue around your clit, he sucks on it like he’s trying to quick dissolve a pill for a faster high. Gripping your hips and closing his eyes in pleasure when he feels your body instantly seize up.

“Fuck, fuck — oh my god!” The world spinning around you is absolutely not because of all that champagne this time, as Dieter hungrily laps up every drop of pleasure he can wring out of you. The feeling of floating only seems to increase, taking you up and up so that the deep bend of your back arching off the bed feels more like flying than anything else.

He hums, smirking at you as he props his chin up on your mound when you finally start to relax bonelessly into the bed. “Good?” He huffs, wanting the praise.

“So good, baby.” Raspy though your voice is, it’s nearly a coo. “No wonder you’re always smirking.” You laugh, panting as you try to find your breath again. The fingers that had been tugging at his hair are limp now, like the rest of you. “You’re hung like a fucking horse and eat pussy like you’re drowning.”

Chuckling, Dieter plants wet, sloppy kisses up your body before finally kissing your lips. “You like that, huh?” He teases, nipping your lip and smirking again.

“Mmm.” A greedy hum against him lips as your hands grasp his flesh - soft middle a tantalizing juxtaposition against his strong limbs. “Maybe a little,” you tease right back.

Lips connect with yours again and again, grunting happily as he lowers himself on top of you and grinds against your belly. “Can I fuck you?” He asks breathlessly, licking the shell of your ear.

“God, yes.” If he doesn’t, you’re about ten seconds from flipping him over and taking the reins, because apparently tonight - the more orgasms you have, the hornier you get.

“Thank fuck.” He huffs, nearly giddy with relief and he giggles against your neck before he straightens and wraps his hand around his cock and pumping it.

“‘S been a while.” You barely get the thought out before he’s nudging the head of his cock against your entrance with that lopsided grin on his face.

“‘S’okay.” He promises, his mouth falling open when he pushes the head inside you. “Oh fuck, baby.” He moans. “I-I’ll go slow.”

The only sounds in the room for a long moment are your shared groan and the wet press of two bodies fitting together. The way your heart is beating out of your chest is nothing compared to the way your body is singing everywhere he touches you, and for just a second you swear nothing in the world has ever felt this good - though that could be the decade of near-celibacy talking. Right now, everything is so fucking good, and as you adjust to having Dieter fully sheathed inside your body, you might even say it’s perfect.

He pushes his arms up under you, pulling you close and burying his head into your neck while he waits for you to tell him that he can move. Panting and clearing his eyes against the pleasure of your tight walls squeezing him tight.

“Dee—” His name is no more than a whine. “Need you to move, baby, please.”

“Yesssssss.” His first few strokes are slow, gentle. Making sure you aren’t tensing up or showing signs of pain. Groaning when you hook your leg around his thigh and urge him on.

He’s almost tender, and the juxtaposition of that gentleness with the feeling of him practically splitting you open is fucking amazing. Meeting every thrust with your own grasping walls and rolling hips, you’re sure he’s enjoying the absolute reverence in the way his name falls repeatedly from your lips. All he can think of is you, filling you up. The way your walls drag against his cock and push him closer to cumming with every soul searing thrust. Head swimming with pleasure and alcohol. Groaning your name when he bottoms out again and has to stop for just a second before he cums. Turning his head to press his lips to yours while he calms down before he starts moving again.

If you had a little more presence of mind you might have noticed how perilously close to lovemaking this encounter has become. How instead of a rough and demanding race toward orgasm in has become about being as close to each other as you possibly can be without letting go for even a second. Every kiss is just a little bit desperate and every breathless pant just a little more reverent than a random post-party fuck would imply.

Dieter reaches down and pulls your leg up higher, changing the angle and grinding deep into you. "Fuck, want you to cum for me." He groans, eyes flickering down between you where your lips are stretched around him. "Look at that. Look at your pussy taking me."

“So goddamn deep.” The change in angles makes it feel like he’s grinding all the way into your chest cavity. The fingers that had been tangled in his sheets now skate rhythmically over your clit, the slick and swollen nub screaming for that extra attention as a way to bring you over the edge all over again.

"Y-you gonna cum?" Dieter huffs, needing you to cum for him before he gives in. Staring deep into your eyes and biting his lip when he surges deep again.

“Close.” With your back arching off the bed it’s like you’re unintentionally offering him the most gorgeous possible view of your tits and you barely notice. Too lost in the sensations to care. “Fuck, take what you need, baby. I’m so fucking close.”

Dieter groans, his pace faltering slightly but he quickly tries to find it again. Reaching out and pinching a nipple. “Cum for me.” He rasps out.

Though you’re not always the most into following orders, this is one command that you’re absolutely dying to obey. The sharp, strangled cry of his name barely makes it out of your throat before your whole body clamps down on his in every way, bringing you back to that shivering, quivering mess you’ve been for him all night.

Gasping, in one brief moment of clarity, Dieter remembers that you didn’t talk about birth control. Giving one more half thrust before he’s ripping himself free of your cunt, cock twitching and spurting, painting your stomach with his seed as he groans your name loudly.

“Oh my god….” The deeply satisfied groan that bubbles up from the bottom of your throat becomes a heady sigh as you reach for him, needing that gorgeous feeling of his lips on yours after one more searing orgasm.

Groaning, he willingly kisses you, smiling against your lips and giggly with how good he feels. “That was— was great.” He murmurs, soft and relaxed now. High off endorphins.

“Mmmm.” Disagreeing would be a big fucking lie, and you’re still just buzzy enough from endorphins and bubbly to be honest. “We should do that more.”

“Hmmmm.” The rum bottle thankfully has the cork back in it so it didn’t spill everywhere, but his foot brushes against it, making him lift his head up so he can stare down at it for a moment and wonder how it got there. “Yep.”

The fading adrenaline rush makes you yawn, and you giggle at the silly sound of it as you stretch out in his bed. “Sleepy.” You announce with an indulgent grin, feeling so good you might already be dreaming.

He is used to passing out, nodding and reaching over to clap, turning off the light. It was stupid, but he loved his clapper for times such as these. “Night.”

“Night.” Without a single thought to cleaning up or even glancing at the time, you snuggle down under the sheets as easily as if you were in your own bed.

Dieter curls himself around you, not minding the mess, and buries his face against the back of your neck. Closing his eyes and immediately falling into the deep sleep of the satisfied and drunk.

****** The angry sound of your alarm cuts through your heavy sleep, rudely catapulting you out of your dreams and back into the reality of morning. It would be bad enough if you were only being woken up, but as consciousness creeps in, so does a pounding headache and upset stomach. Before you’ve even opened your eyes your body is ready to declare war on itself and you honestly can’t even think to remember the last time you were this hungover. Everything hurts and the sunlight creeping in the windows is already too bright even with your eyes closed. That blaring noise is going to be what kills you though - is it really blaring or are you just so hungover that it feels like it? Who knows.

Shoving your blankets back, you sit up on the edge of your bed and realize immediately that something is wrong. Besides your head spinning, your feet have landed on a plush rug…but you have hard wood flooring in your bedroom. Where the fuck—?

A second later you’re peeling your eyes open to the realization that you are not in your own room - and it’s only as you look around you that you realize you can hear snoring behind you. Like an awkward, slow-motion reveal in a bad romantic comedy, you force yourself to turn around only to find Dieter curled up in a ball amongst luxurious white blankets. You’re naked. In Dieter Bravo’s bed. With the worst hangover of your life. And is that…there’s dried fucking cum all along the insides of your thighs and in streaks on your torso. How the fuck did this happen??

First thing to do is locate your phone and stop the awful beeping. Following the sound, you spot your purse on the edge of his dresser across the room and manage to stumble over to shut it off. 8am. Zoo Day! says the banner on your phone and you groan out loud, which only makes your stomach turn again. You promised to take Nora to the zoo today and she’s been so excited to see the giraffes that you cannot possibly postpone the trip on account of Auntie Gigi being a dumbass.

“Dieter.” His name comes out in a rasp and for a brief, horrifying moment you wonder if it’s from making a lot of noise last night, because you definitely had sex. That is not up for debate. “Dieter.” Not a single millimeter of movement from the man in the bed and you groan because of course he can sleep through anything when you actually need him to wake up. “Dieter.” At the side of the bed this time, you nudge and nudge him, actually trying to shake him awake, but to no avail. He’s dead to the world and you might actually be concerned something is wrong except he’s snoring away with a smile on his face. “Dieter, please wake up!” As loud as you can be, which is not very loud, he’s still fast asleep. You’re going to have to leave without talking to him. This is going to be awful.

There’s a pile of clothes on the floor - his and yours - and you wonder if you were having fun with him for once. God you wish you could remember if you were having fun. You must have, right? Panties. Bra. Dress. Getting your clothes on again there is no sign of your shoes, but you do spot his sketchbook on the side of what looks like it must be his desk. Fuck - are you really going to just have to leave him a note?

You sigh, reaching for one of his sketching pencils, and try not to throw up. Dieter— I have to go home to watch Nora today. If she doesn’t see the giraffes, she’ll be sad. Hangover from hell. We should talk? Signed with your name, it’s the best you can do at the moment and you blow out another sigh.

His house is fucking huge, and it’s impossible to find your way through it while simultaneously trying to call an Uber from your phone, but you have to get home. Steph is supposed to leave for work in less than an hour and it will take longer than that to get home. Fuck fuck fuck. Does he live in a fucking labyrinth? How the hell do you get out of this house?

Rico appears, smothering the amusement at the wild hair, although the frantic expression on your face concerns him slightly. It’s obvious you are looking for a way out. “Do you need a ride?” He asks, glancing behind you to the closed door where his boss is still sleeping from the sound of light snoring.

“I have to get home.” Your voice sounds like you got hit by a freight train, and you nod which makes your head pound. “You’re…Rico? Right?” He’s driven Dieter a couple of times before and been to your house. Steph said some nice things about him, if your spotty memory serves.

Rico nods. It’s not his place to question the emotional entanglements of his boss or his soulmate. His job was to provide security and transportation. He had given plenty of ‘ride of shame’ rides to Dieter’s liaisons. “I will take you there.” He tells you, holding out the bottle of water and the aspirin for you to take. He had been about to deliver it to the bathroom via the upstairs laundry room that connected to the master suite.

“Thank you.” For a split second you have to imagine how many times this man has done this before if he’s so fucking prepared for it, but that is a rabbit hole you can’t let yourself fall down. “You wouldn’t…uh…maybe have seen a pair of high heels anywhere?” They weren’t in the bedroom that you could find and you’re almost certain you were wearing them when you were at the party.

“They are by the door, miss.” Rico gives a small smile, remembering the yelled conversation between the two of you as you made your way upstairs. “Mr. Bravo was concerned about the stairs.” He explains.

“Oh.” Nodding hurts, but it’s your reflex reaction so you end up wincing. “I…um…I don’t remember much,” you admit, realizing this man probably knows a fuckton more than you about what happened last night. “Hangover.”

That makes Rico nervous. Because of the slightly tumultuous relationship you have with his boss, and he is fully aware of the repercussions if you felt taken advantage of. “Both of you were very relaxed.” He acknowledges. “And eager to continue your night upstairs.”

“I’m sorry if anything made you uncomfortable.” He was the one you drove you last night, you remember him picking you up from the house, and that means he must have picked you up from the party, too. Groaning slightly at the way it makes your stomach slosh, you pop a couple of pain killers in your mouth and wash it down with some water before handing the pill bottle back. “I’m sorry, I just really need to get home.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Rico guides you towards the stairs and hovers behind you to make sure you don’t lose your balance. “I am the soul of discretion.”

 ______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat​ @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri    

YSV: @tortor-mcgee @hnt-escape​ @sammus-white​ @spanishmossmagnolia  @frasmotic  

My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Dieter Bravo #Dieter Bravo x reader #Dieter Bravo x you #Dieter Bravo x female reader #The Bubble #soulmate au #enemies to lovers #fake dating #Trash Can Man #IT IS FINALLY SMUT TIME

[therealladylucifer]

Things the Batkids Have Done to Get Banned From the Kitchen

(Based on real things me or my roommates have done)

Dick: Not technically banned but he has to be supervised by Alfred because he's left the oven on one too many times

Jason: Asked Alfred if they had a blowtorch because he wanted it to help him make mac and cheese

Tim: Ruined the chicken curry they were having for dinner because he didn't know how to make rice

Damian: Made a vegan dipping sauce by combining pesto and vegan mayo

Steph: Spilled cake twice on the same occasion, once in the oven causing the entire house to smell like burning cake

Cass: Almost made herself sick after dicing onions, cutting her finger while dicing onions, putting her bleeding finger in her mouth, and then tasting the apparently horrible combination of blood and onion

Duke: somehow tricked himself into associating seasoning rice with garlic powder with laughter while Steph and Cass were laughing in the next room, resulting in rice that tasted so overpoweringly of garlic that even the most garlic-loving members of the batfamily agreed they had reached the threshhold for too much garlic

Harper: Not technically banned from the kitchen unless Steph is in there, because she distracts Steph and causes her to make mistakes like the great cake fiasco

#yes the duke and tim one are based on the same thing #it was a terrible storm of my roommate not knowing how rice works and also somehow pavloving himself #anyways you guys seem to like it when i dc post so 🤷 #dc comics #batman #batfamily #batkids #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #harper row #incorrect batfamily

[eva-knits12]

CE characters as Dads

Steve Rogers:

Steve loves being a dad.

He's retired from going on missions, but still trains new recruits and does paperwork.

You help out on missions, but decided to work more on the training end rather than going in the field.

You and Steve have three kids: James Joseph Rogers, Sarah Anne Rogers, and Margaret Louise Rogers.

You were apprehensive about naming your last baby Margaret, but you wanted to honor Peggy Carter's memory.

James' and Sarah's first word was Mama.

Margaret's first word was Dada.

School lunches have to be meticulously planned and packed.

Steve is confused about nut allergies, gluten free stuff, and vegan stuff.

Remember, this wasn't a thing when Steve was alive.

Dietary needs have changed tremendously since Steve came out of the ice.

You help Steve pack the lunches.

Dinner? You and Steve cook dinner together.

Steve loves making meatloaf, spaghetti, lasagna, mac and cheese, pizza, and burgers.

You make more advanced things like baked ziti, baked chicken, fish tacos (they're a favorite with James and Sarah), regular tacos, sloppy joes (they're Margaret's favorite), clam chowder (a family favorite), turkey, roast beef, and pizza.

Steve loves family movie night and family game night.

You watch anything Disney, and family game night is always kid friendly games.

Steve never thought he'd have the chance to be a dad.

He achieved his dream with you.

Colin Shea:

Colin becomes a stay at home dad.

Eva works because she makes more money than Colin did.

It's an arrangement that works out for the both of them.

Colin volunteers in Harper's class and plays with Robbie.

Colin also keeps the house clean and keeps everything going.

When Eva comes home, he always starts dinner.

Pasta? Done! Fried chicken? Done! Mexican takeout? Done! Chinese takeout? Done! Pizza with cheesy bread and that giant brownie for dessert? Done!

Family movie nights are the best.

Colin and Eva fix a huge bowl of popcorn, and arrange some dollar store candy for everyone to snack on while watching the movie.

Colin also has the laundry done on laundry day.

He also plays his guitar for Harper and Robbie.

They often dance and nod their head to Colin's guitar.

Colin and the kids help you unwind after a long week.

Colin and the kids give you a spa day, manicures and pedicure, and massage included.

Family movie night is an event.

Pizza is ordered, and you turn on a Disney movie.

Harper and Robbie like to dance when they hear the songs.

Family days? Done! It can be a picnic in the park, ice skating followed by warm cookies and hot cocoa and hot coffee, story time at the library, spending time at the local retro arcade, etc.

Colin loves being a dad, and loves doing the stay-at-home duties.

Ransom Drysdale:

You, Harlan, and Katherine are Ransom's world.

Ransom embraced fatherhood.

He embraced married life.

He embraced your MS.

He often picks up the twins from pre-school.

He loves reading to the twins.

He loves cooking for the family.

Breakfasts, lunches, dinners, Ransom cooks it.

The twins love spaghetti with meatballs.

The twins love oatmeal for breakfast.

The twins also love Biscoff cookies and your homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Family movie nights? Ransom loves them, and watches the movies that he never got to watch growing up, due to the fact that Linda and Richard often neglected him, and often fought over Richard having another affair.

Ransom loves snuggling with you.

The twins will snuggle with you and Ransom on movie night.

Harlan and Katherine often snuggle with you and Ransom during story time.

You have a family day at the park, at the beach, and even take the twins skiing on the weekends when the weather gets nice and cold.

Christmas, Halloween, Easter, the Fourth of July are events with Ransom, seeing as how his holidays were always ruined by his dysfunctional family.

Ransom loves being a dad and a husband.

He lives for it.

Andy Barber:

Andy LOVES being a dad!

Andy LOVES being a girl dad.

Taking Joy to her dance class on Saturdays? Check. Taking Joy to her ice skating lessons? Done.

You often take Joy on playdates, and then you're off to Mommy and Me with Penelope.

Andy picks Joy up from her playdates.

Taking care of Penelope? Check.

Making sure that you're keeping your type I diabetes in check, and taking your insulin? Check.

Family dinners and family movie nights? Done!

Andy NEVER had those when he was still married to Laurie and Jacob was there.

He often ate frozen meals, or cooked for himself.

He enjoys cooking dinner and breakfast for the family.

Pasta with meatballs? Done. Pizza he made from scratch? Done. Oatmeal with fruit and toast? Done. Chicken Parm? Done.

Helping you clean the house and do the laundry? Done!

Watching a Disney movie or family movie or a musical with you, Joy and Penelope? Done!

Andy couldn't be happier or prouder.

Being a dad was Andy's life goal.

Andy loves being a dad to the girls and Andy loves being a husband to you.

At the end of each day, Andy loves giving you a foot rub and a massage.

"You do so much for the girls, honey. You deserve to be taken care of."

Jake Jensen:

Like Andy Barber, Jake LOVES being a girl dad.

The twins, Elsa and Anna, often like to do his hair, so Jake's hair will often have barrettes in them.

Jake's nails will often be painted in some interesting color choices.

The girls also get Jake to play Barbie and Disney Princess with him.

Dance class? Nope! Ice skating lessons? Nope!

The girls LOVE playing video games with Jake.

They LOVE Mario Kart.

They also love Minecraft.

Family days at the park? NOPE!

Family days at the library? NOPE!

The girls like story time at the library, and you have your knitting circle there, and your book club, but that's it.

Family days are often spent at Chuck E. Cheese, where they have an arcade.

You find an old-school arcade, and Jake takes you and the girls there.

Family days are best spent at Chuck E. Cheese and the arcade.

It becomes a competition between Jake and you to see who can get the highest score on Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Ms. Pac-Man, Burger Time, Frogger, and even Mortal Kombat.

Racing games are a family favorite because Jake, you, and the girls can play together.

Family movie nights? DONE!

The girls watch Disney movies, the Harry Potter movies, the X-Men films, and they also love Star Wars and Star Trek.

Jake wouldn't trade this life for the world.

Johnny Storm:

Johnny loves being a dad.

He often takes Jake to work with him so you can take a nap, or take a shower, or even remember to eat.

His aunt Susan will often watch Jake when Johnny has to do something.

Aunt Susan often gives Jake candy or cookies when you and Johnny aren't looking.

Johnny and you bottle feed Jake because Jake was unable to breastfeed, so you pump your milk.

Johnny or Susan will often take Jake when you need to pump your milk.

Johnny is all about you and Jake.

Diaper change? Done! Giving Jake his bath? Done!

You often have dinner ready when Johnny comes home.

It's the only time you and Johnny can have an adult conversation, and talk about wedding planning.

Johnny loves spending time with you and Jake, and he loves being a dad.

#chris evans #dad life #steve rogers #ransom drysdale #jake jensen #johnny storm #andy barber

[such-a-barbarian]

Weekly Tag Game!

I've been MIA on vacation with the family, so I've missed a few of these. But I am now back in the land of ice and snow so figured I hop on this one quick! Thanks to @francesrose3, @juliakayyy and @jrooc for this week's tags and to all the lovelies who tagged me last week in things I didn't respond to. 😝

name: Kell

age: closer to Noel then Cameron

star sign: a non-believing Aries

your first language: English

second language: I can speak a grade 9 Ontario level French, which basically means I can say very useful phrases like "I am a pineapple in a library".

favorite lip product: The Body Shop has a line of Hemp products including a lip balm that I am a big fan of.

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: My hubby is a big fan of the meatballs I make. I also make a pretty mean hidden veggie mac and cheese (the things you learn with toddlers at home...)

If you drink tea, what kind? I have a cup of Tetley orange pekeo every morning.

If you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? I do not drink coffee

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: Besides Gallavich scenes on repeat? My top watched channel is the Try Guys. 🤷🏻‍♀️

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: Honestly, probably Buzzfeed. lol

favorite item of clothing right now: My oversized bright pink hoodie from my local independent ice cream shop, with the most adorable ice cream logo on it.

favorite item of clothing in 2012: probably also some type of oversized hoodie

fandom

three movies you recommend: Not really sure if these fit the 'fandom' category but my 3 fav movies of all time: The Princess Bride, Best in Show and The Newsies.

your favorite concert: This is tough, I've seen a lot of great shows! But many moons ago when my hubby and I were first dating Everlast came to a music fest in town. My hubby is a huge fan so we went together and it was a miserable day, pouring rain and cold, but we had SUCH a good time. Cause of the rain it was a pretty small but mighty crowd and Everlast was awesome. It is just such a good memory for me!

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? Nope. This is the only fandom I have ever really participated in and it's been lovely!

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? Please see above

the best tv show you watched last year: Schimgadoon! Just finishing season 2 now and I am so very sad season 3 wasn't picked up.

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? I will never be over the fact that Arianna Grande was cast as Glinda in the Wicked Movie when they could’ve had Dove Cameron.

a ship you’ve abandoned: I was super into Belle and Shawn from Days of Our Lives back in the day. I read a bunch of fanfic, but never really interacted in the fandom. But once the original actors left the show and I grew out of high school they lost appeal to me.

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? haha. share with who? on tumblr? probably 10 - nothing would shock any of you. With a random person in my everyday life...probably zero. haha

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?) I am tattoo free and at this point in my life will mostly remain that way.

what fandom do you wish was bigger? 🤷‍♀️

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? Definitely. The worst for me was How I Met Your Mother. It still makes me so mad.

have you…

swam in an ocean? Many times. Just last week in fact! Thank you, Mexico!

ever been vegan/vegetarian? Nope, we try to do meatless Monday in our house to mix things up but I enjoy meat too much to go full vegetarian.

gone skinny dipping? yup. It is a backcountry camping must!

gone skiing? A ton! It's been a few years since being pregnant/having babies isn't conducive to skiing, but I adore it. It is my favourite winter activity!

been to a convention? nope.

I’ll tag @tanktopgallavich @transmickey @callivich @zutaralesbian @iansw0rld @krysmiss @lupeloto @catluvver118 If you feel like it this week!

#tag game #about me