#I don't HAVE to tell little girls about the downsides because they are already being mistreated

[sergle]

what I was talking abt earlier. we have fully looped back around and away from feminism, societally, whereas before it was very Feminism 101 to acknowledge that many parts of existing as a woman in a misogynistic society are painful and upsetting. not that being a woman is Inherently Negative in a bubble. but that living on this earth, in the conditions we're living in, is hostile to women. and that gender is a performance. that many of the Staples Of Femininity as accepted by society are things that you have to create and perform and mold artificially and aren't inherent, that COMPLAINING about day to day difficulties of existing as a woman is something that you're allowed to do. acknowledging these basic, again, feminism 101 things, that something tied to womanhood is more time consuming or more expensive or more dangerous Because Of The Problems. does not CREATE the problems. that when women complain about having to perform femininity, they are not, in fact, oppressing themselves. the call does not come from inside the fucking house. saying that you HAVE suffered does not fucking equate that you believe you SHOULD have suffered.

like I could talk about this for hours. how braindead and one-dimensional the Takes are getting. "being a woman is looking in the mirror and going fuck yeah i'm a woman" damn. I guess any negative experiences you have by living in a misogynistic world... are your fault if you are anything but positive? "you don't actually want liberation" we've fully gone back to telling feminists "you WANT to be oppressed" when anything negative about our society is pointed out. it's not real until I say it out loud, I guess, and then I'm actually the one who caused it. if anybody expresses any unhappiness with how they're treated or the status quo or the language and culture surrounding womanhood and femininity. they've created it, right that second. they invented it just now. it wasn't a problem before somebody complained, right? also trans women aren't braindead zombies who just follow the flow of whatever cis women around them say. I am pretty fucking sure they are very much aware of pain, and are MORE than aware of the swirling torrent of misogyny and standards of femininity than anybody else. actually. and I am pretty sure someone complaining on tumblr that being a woman means always putting on a performance is going to make someone change their mind about transitioning. also "performing femininity" as a necessity to being treated well as a woman is not fucking NEWS to your Local Trans Woman. I AM PRETTY SURE SHE GETS THE CONCEPT. using trans women as a scapegoat for this braindead perspective on gender politics is spineless, meritless, and pathetic.

#how I feel about my gender is not the same as how I feel about the living conditions of my gender #when I saw that post I screenshotted here I literally sat w my mouth open for a minute #sent it to my friends and was like am I fucking crazy. is this what we're doing now #Forced Positivity and that there is no war in ba sing se and actually #you're ruining children's lives if you complain about misogyny on twitter #I don't HAVE to tell little girls about the downsides because they are already being mistreated #before they have even heard the word 'misogyny' let alone know what it means #you do not have to be fucking happy all the time about the cards you're dealt. #you don't live in a bubble where it's just you and your mirror and your pretty dress and nothing bad has ever happened to you #unfortunately bitch. we will have negative experiences that are in fact. part of the package of being a woman #and IGNORING them doesn't make them not exist. actually they will continue to remain status quo unless acknowledged #sergle.txt #I see so much rhetoric that is JUST old-fashioned gender ideals being presented with liberal language on tiktok #that is just telling women that womanhood is just being a girllll and loving pretty things and being kind and gentleeeee and nurturing #and not working and just like being wholesome and being happy and being a light in ppl's lives and just LOVING LOVING LOVING being a woman #so if for even one second. you don't love it. you are actually failing at being a woman #if you complain about the standards for shaving or putting on makeup. which used to be Baby's First Feminism online #that's actually just you creating problems. you're not supposed to acknowledge it. you're supposed to shut up and smile into the mirror.

[jakethesequel]

Thinking about... elves and dwarves. Plus, gender.

Post-Tolkein, post-D&D depictions of elves and dwarves in popular fantasy stories have an interesting contrast. They almost always come in a pair, typically with an established cultural rivalry to boot, which makes sense. Though both long-lived non-human humanoids with great skill for combat and craftsmanship, they're opposites in a lot of ways: short and squat vs tall and skinny, subterranean industrialists vs arboreal ecologists, gruff and direct vs gentle and patronizing... and one is typically very strongly masculine, the other very strongly feminine.

It's common for both dwarves and elves to be given very little sexual dimorphism. Curiously, though, it's usually only the elves who get described with words like "androgynous." Mentions of the limited dimorphism of dwarves usually only come about through jokes about bearded ladies. Where are the dwarf women? Not in the Hobbit or LOTR. Not in Snow White, I don't recall in Narnia. Some movies don't mention dwarf women in the first place, leaving it open that they may be off-screen or just may not exist. But still, think of how many male elves you've seen on-screen. Compare that to zero female dwarves. Isn't it odd?

Even a lot of video games and TTRPGs that do include female dwarves often pull back significantly from the supposed androgyny of dwarves, giving them roughly the same dimorphism as humans (with the downside of making female dwarves hard to tell apart from a curvier halfling). They usually let elves keep their feminine androgyny, though. The feminine elf men are fine, they're often sex symbols even, but masculine dwarf women are consigned to be off-screen or de-masculinized. Why are they not worthy of depiction?

It's like... the androgynous elf man is still allowed masculinity, his maleness can't be revoked. Some viewers might see him as less-than a more masculine hero, but his femininity also makes other viewers see him as more sexually desirable or available, so it balances out. The feminine elf man is still a man, if not the manliest. The feminine elf woman and masculine dwarf man present no questioning. The masculine dwarf woman, though, is hardly worth even being depicted.

There's some horrible implicit misogyny that says that a woman who is perceived as masculine has no place, saying: "The dwarf woman can't or shouldn't compete with the dwarf men for cool action shit because a man would be better, and her masculinity makes her undesirable as a woman." But we hunger for the taboo, or at least flirt with it, so we throw in a joke about bearded ladies. "A woman who needs to shave, how ludicrous!" and then everything moves on. Even the elf women are allowed to do some cool action shit, as if they've "earned" some agency by over-performing femininity. Dwarf women don't even get to exist.

I feel for the dwarven bearded ladies. A woman deemed tainted by masculinity isn't allowed to exist in a cis-hetero-patriarchal society. You're not a man, but you're too ugly to be a real girl. You're forced into the shadows, acknowledged only for jokes or derision. Presumably the hidden dwarf women still exist, still labour and laugh and love in dwarven communities, but out of sight. Out of mind. "Maybe," they say, "you can do the work of a real girl, just not as well. We'll let you, just as long as you remember where you stand, and you don't shame us by existing too much in public." That's the fate of the masculine woman, the clocky broad: You get to be treated like a woman for all the bad stuff, but your very existence will be denied if it might benefit you, with the rare sole degrading exception of the bearded-lady circus act.

In short: There should be more dwarven women, unapologetically as masculine and bearded as advertised. But we won't get that in fiction unless society can change to accept the lesser-than women that already exist. Misogyny (+lesbophobia, misogynoir, transmisogyny, intersexism and other very relevant intersections) is still a powerful force preventing that. Be nice to a bearded lady today. Or a lady who recently shaved. Give them both 100 dollars. Do anything, IDK.

[geralts-yenn]

Writing Questions Tag Game!

I got tagged by @raccoon-eyed-rebel and @peyton-warren! Thank you two! I don't know if it even makes sense for me to answer all this stuff, considering I only started to write in September 22… So please don't judge my boring answers.

What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had? Giving Mikey this whole family of Cavill characters and making them all dorks. It was just a brain fart that appeared when I bing-wrote "pranked" without ever thinking of it before it was written down. And now they all just appear from time to time in my head and I guess we'll see more of them in the future because I'm already font of all of them.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes? No, I don't have written (or maybe published) enough to make people thinking about asking me questions :)

What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave? I love how characters do things that I hadn't even planned for them. Brains are just amazing. And I love interacting with other writers. Talking about characters and scenes, giving comfort when someone's struggling, praising them when they created something that I enjoyed. I found some wonderful friends here that I don't wanna miss anymore. (@raccoon-eyed-rebel @mayloma @deandoesthingstome @fvckinghenrycavill, thank you so much for that!)

The downside of being an author is that I'm so fucking anxious about my writing skills. I'm questioning every bit I write down and probably read every sentence I type down 30 times. And that doesn't help at all but I just can't stop worrying. Thinking that someone else who is more talented should tell that story. And at the moment I hate that I don't have time to write although there are so many things in my head that need to be told. And then when I finally have time to write my head is just completely empty.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create? I love how stories that live in my head for a long time get so much better when I write them down. Suddenly all these little details appear and things fall into place. Something that never happens when I'm just daydreaming.

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing? That you don't need a full plan for a story before staring to write. Just let it flow

What is your favourite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can! Well, sadly I haven't finished a multi chapter story at all until now. (Yeah, I know…) But I wrote a book for my daughter and this is probably the story I'm most proud of. I also did the illustrations for that one. But I won't share that online because it's very personal.

What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote? I have no clue. I actually love everything I have ever written, lol

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals? You all don't know him yet. It's Will. He's a CIA agent and he makes some decisions that aren't really professional. And maybe, if I ever find enough time, you're going to meet him and make up your mind about him on your own. Or maybe this whole story will turn out completely different and he's not controversial at all when I'm finished, lol.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think? That girls on tumblr really made you a lot more confident, wow! You are lucky that you found them!

no pressure tags, but I'd love to see your take on these questions: @deandoesthingstome @fvckinghenrycavill @mayloma @just-chirpin @notabronte @thesaucynomad @sillyrabbit81

#Yenn answers #my writing #tag game

[inkofamethyst]

September 26, 2023

I would first like to reiterate: H O U S E.

Okay!

So last weekend I went to a club for the very first time (I know, shocking) with the three girls I've been hanging out with recently, and it was certainly An Experience. Lots of bodies, lots of jostling (I vividly remember thinking "this is what a cell must feel like during gastrulation" which I feel like is generally not something people think about on a Friday night), the occasional brush of my skin against someone else's which made me want to puke, strobe lighting, jumping, etc. Higher ceilings and cleaner floors than the last party I went to four years ago. I only really have one Going Out Top (I altered it this summer so it fits amazinggg) and the color accidentally coordinated with the other girls' getups so that was fun, we were a unit. Um, somehow pretty privilege (and perhaps a bit of being woc in a club that noticeably (but not necessarily oppressively) lacked poc rep, but that's more of my own speculation) allowed us to skip the line? I won't expect that ever again but it was kind of great because it was chilly outside. Admittedly, what was not so great was how I accepted a side hug from a random dude with clammy skin who I did not know and who was dreadfully inebriated, but that was because the initial shock of his breath which was just drenched in alcohol (and also because one of the girls I was with fully leaned into pretending to know this guy to jump the line which worked (he had pregamed hard) but I fell for her acting too and actually thought this was someone she knew when it was most certainly not). I honestly just don't have enough life experience to know how to navigate situations like that in a way that maintains my comfort. Another downside to, well, being genuinely pretty boring. You never have to develop a failsafe to someone bringing you in for an unwanted hug (which by the way I'm generally not a hugger but I kind of have to just go with it for family but those were the only situations in which I would regularly be expected to hug) when you don't really ever go out lol. It happened twice last weekend (I'm not even going to get into the second time because not to victim blame or anything but letting that one happen was on me even though the guy totally shouldn't've gone for it in the first place, I absolutely could have and should have stopped it). So. Now I need an escape plan for the future. Since I'm a social butterfly or whatever now apparently.

Also,,,, definitely feeling the academic rigor that comes with going to school at an academically rigorous institution. Midterm season starts next week, and I can already tell that it's going to be tough. Lots to memorize for anatomy, lots of application in regen, lots of synthesis in devbio. lovely. And all in like the span of a single week too. Plus I'm supposed to start lab work during that same week. I think regen is going to be the most difficult, but none of them will be particularly easy.

Today I'm thankful that the paper I have to present on in regen this week is relatively straightforward. I'm getting better at getting through them! I'm also thankful that my partner for the presentation is an ultra competent undergrad. We've got this in the bag.

I've been dreadfully unproductive the past couple of days, but I made a to-do list this afternoon and was able to cross off every last thing which usually doesn't happen. Granted, many of the things on the list weren't all that difficult, but they were all things that needed to get done, and sometimes you need little wins.

I'll make a list for tomorrow, too. Gotta start including studying on it.

[fangirls-fanfiction]

Totally didn’t think I already posted this and forgot about it

Chapter 4

———

♦️𝙰𝚗 𝚄𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐♠️

"Boss, watch your temper, we wouldn't want you burning down the Casino."

"Forget my temper!" The Devil thundered. "I want to know why the Hell you gave them your keys!"

"Boss... I... It's... It's rather funny actually, you see- "

"I swear, if you give me a stupid excuse one more time..." The Devil fumed.

The Devil's rage was beyond its boiling point. She didn't exactly find it acceptable that Queen Dice had not only gave and trusted the girls with her key ring, but she also didn't supervise them and the little finks ended up in the Devil's bedroom. Not only that, but the woman directly disobeyed the Devil's orders, giving them a completely different job than what she had instructed her to give them. It was surely an understatement that Dice was in hot water now.

Letting out a shaky breath, her nerves got to her, Queen Dice looked to the girls. She thought about breaking her promise and completely lying to the Devil to save her own skin. It's what the brats deserved for running off like that. Hell, they broke into the Devil's bedroom of all places as if they owned the place. It was only warranted that they get what they deserved.

But looking into those girls' fearful eyes, she saw that scared little girl that ran away from home all those years ago. When no one came to her aid, she was left with nothing left to lose. She couldn't bare to put those girls through the same pain. It was too much. It was entirely too much.

Turning back to face the Devil, Queen Dice breathed in slowly, her breath shaky. She almost backed down again, looking in those golden eyes. Those shimmering... Elegant golden eyes.

"Well?"

Queen Dice shook her head, snapping out of it.

"I... I..."

"Dice, if you're not going to tell me, I'll just throw them out on the streets- And you're going to go with them if you don't tell me- "

"No! Don't do that!"

Listening, the Devil's anger only seemed to dampen slightly, if at all.

"Boss... I... I gave them my keys because I told them to clean my office..." Queen Dice winced.

"Instead of- "

"Going on patrol in the Underworld?! Boss, please, we both know that they would've either gotten lost or eaten- Knowing your demons down there; probably both." Dice snapped at her Boss.

"I see no downside to that." The Devil mumbled.

"Devil-" Queen Dice growled, getting impatient with her Boss. "Look, I get that you're the ultimate evil and all that, but can't you show even a little sympathy?"

"How do you know that I can even show sympathy?"

"Boss, you remember that night, right?"

The Devil blinked, her golden eyes avoiding Dice's.

"I... I- I don't... I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Yes you do, Boss. 10 years ago. You saved that girl in the allleyway. If you don't have sympathy, why'd you do it then?"

The Devil's face softened, as if she was reminiscing over a memory. Possibly the one Dice spoke of. Furrowing her eyebrows, the Devil locked her eyes on Dice once more.

"That... That was different..."

"I know you and these girls haven't always... Seen eye to eye, but at least try to show them a little sympathy. Just try."

The Devil sunk in her office chair, heaving a long sigh. Covering her face with her hands, she seemed to only be holding up her head with her elbows. She ran her fingers through her raven hair, her bangs momentarily being slicked back before falling right back into place. The demon looked to Queen Dice, then the sisters. Sighing once more, she finally spoke through the silence.

"Fine. I'll... I'll think on it." The Devil said, Queen Dice letting out a relieved sigh. "But,"

The bite to her words sent Dice's guard back up.

"But?"

"If they pull a stunt like that again, it's on you."

Queen Dice nodded, going eerily silent.

"Good, glad we could come to an agreement. Now, be a dear and taken them to their room." The Devil waved the three of them away.

Though they did as they were told with no complaints.

♦️ ♦️ ♦️

Entering the elevator, there was no sound between the three of them. Even the casual conversation Queen Dice attempted to do before wasn't even present. They rode the elevator a couple levels down until they got to the throne room, an eerie, silence still between them. Walking halfway through the room, Queen Dice stopped short. Tensing up, she quietly sniffed and hiccupped, sounding as if she was holding back tears.

Looking at one another, Cuphead and Mugma'am went to ask the woman what was wrong or give her some sort of comfort; that is, until Dice whipped around to face them.

Tears threatening to come rushing out, a few tears ran down her face. Sniffing again, her sadness turned to anger in the blink of an eye.

"I just... I just cannot believe you!" She cried, a few more mascara-filled tears running down her face. "I tried to get you guys an easy way out of what was going to happen to you, and you two run off like that!"

She paused for a moment, trying to fight tears. As if waiting for the girls to speak, she only seemed to cry louder when they didn't say anything.

"All I asked... Was... Was for you two to clean my office and- And wait for me to come back. It was a simple order!" Queen Dice sniffled before burying her face in her hands and bawling. "Y- Y- You two don't understand... You don't get it... What would happen if the Devil were to break my contract..."

Looking to each other, the sisters couldn't help but feel horrible about what they did. Even if they were just messing around, they didn't even take into consideration how it might effect others. Both Dice and the Devil as well as each other. Seeing Queen Dice upset like this showed them exactly what the consequences of their actions might be. Seeing Queen Dice this scared was unnerving to see. It almost gave a new light to her character.

"Let's just..." She wiped her eyes with her gloved hands, uncaring about getting eyeliner and mascara all over them. "Let's just get you two back to your room before anything else happens."

Cuphead didn't dare to even make eye contact with Dice, never mind look at her. Her gaze was glued to the floor, watching one foot step in front of the other.

That is, until Mugma'am tugged on her sleeve.

"What?" She whispered.

"I'm hungry." Mugma'am mumbled.

"Well it's a bit of an awkward moment to be asking for food right now. She’s probably just gonna feed us scraps anyways." Cuphead hissed. "Maybe we can sneak out later and get some dinner- "

"I'm not deaf, you know." Queen Dice snapped, stopping in her tracks.

"Oh... We didn't- "

"But if you're hungry," She interrupted Mugma'am from speaking. "I can send some food to your room. Cuz I doubt the Boss wants to see you two in the Casino for the rest of the day.”

"Yeah... Yeah you're right..."

Going down the hallway, Queen Dice opened the door for them. After they both sat at their designated beds, she went to close the door, sighing. Though Cuphead was still troubled by one thing, and she couldn't wait for an answer;

"Wait, Dice!" She stood up quickly.

"Yes?" Queen Dice asked, rather annoyed.

"You... You mentioned a contract... I always thought you worked for the Devil cuz you liked to." Cuphead said.

"What's what supposed to mean?" Dice placed a hand on her hip.

"I meant- Do you... Do you like working for the Devil?"

"Of course I do."

"Then..." Mugma'am spoke up. "Why do you have a contract with her?"

Queen Dice pursed her lips, letting out a long sigh as she closed her eyes. She looked out the door, glancing both ways to make sure the coast was clear.

"If I tell ya, will you shut up?"

The girls nodded, Dice sighing again.

"Fine." Dice closed the door. "I have a contract with the Devil because... If I didn't... I'd be... I'd be dead..."

The girls looked surprised, but didn't say anything. Letting out yet another sigh, Queen Dice sat on the edge of Cuphead's bed. Mugma'am s opted closer and sat at the edge of her bed.

"I was..." Dice continued reluctantly. "I was once in a situation like the two of you... Wasn't much older than you two either. Was about... 18- Not quite 19, but close. I had ran off from home. Gotten in a whole lot of trouble... A gang finally had enough and hunted me down... Got cornered and... And they shot me..."

"Did you die?" Cuphead gasped.

Expression going deadpan, Dice stared at Cuphead.

"What? I'm just curious is all."

"If the Devil hadn’t been around, I would've." Dice answered. "She gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. I could have my life back. Anything I wanted. Under the condition that I worked for her." Dice shrugged. "I figured it was better than the situation I was in at the time."

"Did you lose your parents too?" Mugma'am asked, Queen Dice shook her head.

"Wait, why'd you run from home, then?" Cuphead tilted her head to the side.

"That's..." Queen Dice broke eye contact. "That's another story for another time." She stood from the bed.

"Oh, come on, Dice!" Cuphead whined loudly.

"No."

"Please?"

"Not tellin ya right now, that's my final word." Dice walked to the door. "Now, I'll send an imp with a dinner for you two. I'm not taking requests, you get what you get."

"Yes ma'am."

"Ok, Cuphead?"

"Fine... But are you sure you- "

"I'm not telling you the story right now."

Queen Dice opened the door, starting to close it as she exited it.

"Thank you, Miss. Dice." The girls said in unison.

Stopping short, the woman looked back to the room but shook her head, assuming the girls were used to living with that Kettle Lady.

"You're welcome." She said, clicking the door shut.

Shaking her head, Queen Dice had to convince herself that she absolutely despised those girls after what they've done.

The only problem was that they knew just how to sneak their way into her heart.

🃏 🃏 🃏

Coming back to the Casino floor, Queen Dice walked her way slowly down the hallway. Taking her time with getting back to work, she wasn't exactly looking forward to cheating suckers out of their money at the moment.

The Devil's office door opened ajar as usual, she walked past it. Though ache stopped short and quickly back tracked.

The Devil seemed to be frustrated by everything at the moment. Trying to rip off a piece of tape off of the dispenser, the piece of tape ended up sticking to her hand. Growling, she tried to wave it off before attempting to peel it off- It just getting stuck on her other hand.

Queen Dice could barely hold back her giggle.

"Got something to say, Dice?" The Devil snarled, Dice tensing up a bit.

"No, I was just..." Dice cleared her throat. "Here, Lemme help you."

Entering the Devil's office, she rounded the demon's desk before taking her hand and peeling off the piece of tape before placing it on the ripped sheet of paper.

"You just gotta be patient and kind to it." Dice offered a smile.

The Devil blinked, her eyes darting back and fourth between Dice and her hand.

"Uhm... You can... You can let go of my hand now... Dice..." The Devil mumbled awkward.

"Oh! Right!" Queen Dice chuckled, quickly letting go of her Boss' hand.

The Devil stared at Dice for a moment. Though she was frowning, she had no glare to her eyes. Just a simple state before she went back to work.

"Hey uhm... Boss...?" Queen Dice mustered up all of her courage.

"Yes?" The Devil said, getting annoyed.

"I'm... I'm sorry..."

"It's... Fine, I just don't like being laughed at- "

"No, I meant for earlier... I'm sorry for that..."

The Devil paused, raising her eyebrows, but didn't turn to face Dice. Though her annoyed expression seemed to have disappeared. Still frowning, it was more of a neutral state than angry.

"Dice... It's..."

"I should've known my place... I'm sorry I brought up... Y'know..."

"I say things I don't mean when I'm angry too." The Devil said, her gaze shifting to look at Dice. "So... I guess I can let it slide."

Queen Dice smiled, staring at her Boss rather idly at this point. The Devil looked up from her desk, Dice tensing up again as she prepared to be yelled at. That is, before the Devil smiled. A warm, genuine smile.

"Hey Dice, could you do me a favor?"

"I gotta get the girls something to eat."

"Ugh, Fine. After that, then can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

#fanfiction #welcome back to the casino au #cup sisters #cuphead #mugma’am #queen dice #the devil cuphead #genderbend #humanized au #tw death mention

[thegodshavestring]

UNDERSTANDING THE GIFT OF BEAUTY FOR WITCHCRAFT

___________________________________________

some may ask the dirty little question of becoming a witch and being born with the gift of beauty.let's start with the gift of beauty, the gift of beauty is a gift from god, it's something you're born with,it is no different than being born with a singing voice. Now let's talk about a witch,a witch is a person born with the favor of the spirit world through the bloodlines,a witch is a communicator with the good and bad spirits,a witch is neutral ground for the spirits,a untouchable temple for spirits dowelling..in the mystery question of the gift of beauty becoming a witch,the question is a dangerous question but I will provide you with information that you truly seek and that's is to take the gift of beauty to a hire level. the gift of beauty is power but for some one seeking more power is not witchcraft, what you need to do is exercise your power by building up your gift, how? not with makeup or fashion you have the gift of beauty you don't need that, what you need is bringing your power inward,then call upon the spirit to enter your soul for the soul to generate the power of your gift,when the spirit exit you, your gift of beauty will be generated,then you should immediately exercise your gift with the inner power outward, how, exercise means to strengthen,this means for example a girl that has a girlfriend or a boy that has a boyfriend,the goal is to break that bonding for your purpose, the generated power from the spirit has given your gift more power,I don't know how to say it,but you need to exercise your power of gift to bring something to you, for example getting the boyfriend to come to you against the other boyfriend words or getting the girlfriend to be alone with you with out telling her girlfriend,if you can get one of the couples to part just once at your command then your gift has entered the spiritual realm, let's say a couple are sitting watching a movie,then you call and say I need to see you now,and that person leave and show up to see you,then the spirits have answered you, you need to keep exercising your gift with the spirits in return you will be elevated in a higher power but you must remember you are born with the gift of beauty and when you call upon the spirit world for more power,the higher power might be too much for your power,this means you need to continue to exercise your gift with the power of the spiritual realm,so this means you already have power and this power is the gift of beauty but when you call upon the spirits for more power now you have entered a whole new level of beauty. some people may commit suicide, some may become over obsessed with you,some people may kill for you but these are the spiritual exercise you need to practice.. the spirit will become angry if you ask for more power to your gift and don't exercise the power, exercise such as saying to someone if you love me or give the keys to your wife car or I am hungry bring me something to eat from ten miles away in a rain storm now! These are examples of exercising your powers, watching two people fight over you in bar,telling the tough guy to get on his knees and bark like a dog,yes in the spirit all these things will really happen,yes people will bring you food in a rain storm,yes two people will fight over you in a bar and so on.what is the down side? The downside is the continue to exercise your power because as soon as you become weak, well let just say you will become a dark soul and because you are not a witch and you are not practicing witchcraft, let's just say your gift will no longer be,then the spirits that enter you to bring your soul inner power for your gift will return now that your gift is no longer a holy gift but a offering..in secret I tell you, you will be better off to keep exercising your powers from the spirits because it keeps your soul strong but your flesh will become weak and your beauty will begin to fade,in secret you will be weak on the outside but strong on the inside,as long as you exercise,the spirits will circulate abroad.

[itsdanii]

Rejecting you and regretting it

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: slight cursing, rude behavior (resolved), do message me if I forgot any.

ft. sakusa kiyoomi, tsukishima kei

Sakusa Kiyoomi

you're not oblivious to the fact that kiyoomi is a very conscious person

that's one of the things you loved about him

he was hygienic and he always made sure that his health was his utmost priority

but one downside is that kiyoomi had the tendency to push people away because of his straightforwardness

you were used to it and in fact, you were one of those people he tolerated

but everyone has their bad days

and unfortunately for you, today was kiyoomi's and since you were always attached to him by the hip, he unintentionally snapped at you

what's worse is that he snapped at you the moment you confessed to him

"Omi!" you shouted happily as you entered the gymnasium, giving Komori a small wave before making your way to where Kiyoomi was sitting.

He looked at you with a frown. He wasn't wearing a mask since they were training awhile ago and only took a quick break. "Y/n, what are you doing here?"

You sat beside him making Kiyoomi grimace and slightly move away. You frowned at him, completely displeased at the action. "I just wanted to give you a visit. Plus, I have something to tell you."

You started to fiddle with your fingers nervously. You practiced your confession several times already but doing it seemed harder than you thought.

"What is it? Talk, I'm not in the right mood to socialize right now."

Out of panic, you quickly blurted out a rather loud, "I like you!" You immediately covered your mouth with your hand and stared at him wide eyed.

The other players looked at you with sympathy, knowing what's about to happen. Out of all days, you really had to confess today, when Kiyoomi was in a pissy mood after several fangirls pushed themselves against him this morning, not minding his personal space.

Kiyoomi stared at you with a serious expression before standing up. "I don't like you. Leave."

"But Omi.."

"You're irritating and you always bother me when it is clear that I don't want your company." He turned around and left you on the bench, your head casted down in humiliation.

You whispered a small sorry before running out of the gym with tears falling from your eyes.

For the next few days, you did your very best to stay away from Kiyoomi. You changed your route to school knowing that your usual route meant that you have to pass by his house. Even if you got scolded several times for being late, you did not stop.

You sat near the door so you can easily exit the room after class. You even stopped eating with Komori and Kiyoomi during breaks and lunch. Even your usual routine of visiting the gym during practices was stopped.

At first, Kiyoomi didn't mind. He knew that you'd come back in a few days just like you always did. You like him after all, right?

But when a few days turned into weeks, He started getting bothered. Why weren't you pestering him like always? Why did you stop visiting him? You said you like him, right?

It was the second week that Kiyoomi took action. He woke up extra early to wait for you infront of your house, aiming to confront you about your behavior.

When you went out, your eyes widened slightly upon seeing Kiyoomi waiting for you outside. He was wearing his face mask while staring at you intently, letting you know that he purposely waited for you.

You looked down and was about to walk pass him when you felt him tugging on your wrist. Your gaze snapped to his hand, not believing that he was indeed touching your skin.

"Sakusa?"

His eye twitched at the weirdness of you not calling him like usual. Sighing, he stepped a little closer to you, hand still holding your wrist to ensure that you won't run away from him.

"You're ignoring me," he said while eyeing you. "Why?"

You took your hand from him and furrowed your brows. "I'm just doing you a favor. I don't want to be a bother anymore. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"I-"

"It's fine, Sakusa. You don't have to force yourself to apologize just because you feel bad or obliged to."

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I'm not apologizing because I feel bad."

"Then what? You're apologizing just to make fun of me? I know I said I like you but that doesn't mean that you have the right to-"

"You don't get it!"

At this point, you were both raising your voices. Some passersby were looking at you two weirdly, some even running as to not get caught up in the fight.

"Get what, Sakusa? Why don't you tell me so I can understand?!"

"I like you!" Kiyoomi exclaimed. "I... Fuck. I like you, okay? I wasn't in the mood when you confessed and I rejected you without thinking. I messed up. The moment I saw you walk out, I knew I fucked up real bad and I-"

"Om-"

"And I thought that you'd come back the next day to bother me again like usual. I wanted to apologize but my pride-"

You sighed as he continued to ramble. With fast movements, you stood on your tiptoes and encircled your arms around his neck to pull him down to you, kissing him over his mask.

When you let go, Kiyoomi was silent. His eyes were wide and you thought that you went over board. Panic made its way to your face as you try to find the words to explain.

"Sorry, I didn't me-"

This time, he was the one to cut you off. Kiyoomi took off his mask and bent down to kiss you on your lips. One of his arms snaked around your waist to support you while the other settled on your nape, angling you to him.

"Be my s/o."

Tsukishima Kei

Everyone in Karasuno knew how much you like Tsukishima

In fact, you remind him everyday

You often give him fresh strawberries from the market and even bake him strawberry cake

Sometimes, you would put little sticky notes on his belongings and write some encouraging words like "you can do it", "I believe in you" or "take it easy!"

On his birthday, you even gave him a hoodie with a dino design (which he secretly loved)

There are times that you knew Tsukishima gets irritated when you visit and even snaps at you but you didn't mind. You liked him and a small snap will not discourage you

But what you didn't know was that it would only take one conversation to completely shatter your heart

"-And they're back," Sugawara said as he saw you enter the gym, a bubbly smile present on your face as usual.

"Kei!" You skipped your way towards Tsukishima and handed him his water bottle which you voluntarily refilled with hot water.

He only gave you a 'tsk' and took the water bottle. Adjusting his glasses, he stared at you from head to toe as if analyzing you, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

"What are you looking at? Have you finally come to realize that you like me back?" you cheekily asked, poking his bicep.

"No. I was just wondering how someone could look so ugly."

Despite what he said, you forced yourself to giggle, covering your upset feeling with an eye roll. "Oh shut up, Kei. You don't have to hide it, you know? Don't worry, I'm not going to reject you."

You winked at him causing Tsukishima to blush even more.

The rest of the boys snickered and laughed at his reaction which made Tsukishima more embarrassed than he already is.

"Just confess to the girl already, Tsukishima. Can't you see she's trying hard to win you?" Daichi said with a small chuckle while patting Tsukishima's back.

Tsukishima just huffed and pushed his glasses up. "What's there to like? They're nothing but an eyesore anyway."

"What?" you asked in disbelief.

Having a playful banter with Tsukishima was normal in your routine but this was the first time he called you such an offensive term. Does he really think of you that way?

"Oh come on, stop acting dumb. I don't even get why there are guys running after you. I mean, there's really nothing much to look at, right?"

Everyone grew quiet at what he said, clearly not expecting Tsukishima to be at such level of rudeness.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat as your insecurity skyrocketed. "I try hard every single day to look presentable to you. I-"

You paused for a moment to laugh pathetically at yourself. "I exert a lot of effort to make you notice me. I cook for you, I give you gifts. Heck, I even stay after class to help clean the gym so that the task would be easier for you and I'm not even asking for anything in return."

Tsukishima glared at you sharply that you immediately felt extremely smaller than him. "I never asked you to do those things for me."

"Can't you at least show me that you care?" You wiped your tears with the back of your hand. "Because I'm slowly getting tired of this push and pull game."

"Don't you get it? I don't like you. Why don't you stop pushing yourself to me and start getting a life, hm?"

"Tsukishima, that's enough!" you heard Daichi yell at him.

"Y/n?" Sugawara was immediately beside you, his hand rubbing circles on your back in attempt to calm you down.

"No-" You lifted your face up to meet Tsukishima's eyes. "I think he's right. I should stop being a nuisance and focus on myself."

"I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry," you said before giving Tsukishima a bow and leaving the gym with everyone's eyes following your figure until the door shut.

Everyone could only look at Tsukishima as he cursed under his breath.

"Shit."

The moment you left the gym, you headed straight to the comfort room to let your tears out. You stared at yourself on the mirror as tears cascaded down your cheeks.

"You're beautiful," you reassured yourself while pointing at your own reflection. "What he said doesn't make you any less. Know your worth."

You wiped your tears and splashed your face with cold water before getting out and heading to class without sparing Tsukishima any glance.

You ignored Tsukishima, stopped visiting the gym and focused on yourself. You even made made friends with some of your classmates that you didn't bother getting associated with last time because you were too focused on capturing the attention of Tsukishima.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain male was eyeing you as you interact with other people. He blamed himself for pushing you away. He didn't talk to you, thinking that you only wanted space for a couple days before bothering him again.

He knew that what he said was out of line and he regret everything he did. He even asked Yamaguchi and the rest of the team for advice but all of them responded with the same answer - apologize and tell you how he feels.

Tsukishima gripped the pen tightly as he watched you laughing at something your classmate said. The said classmate was too close to you and it was obvious that he was trying to flirt with you.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi called out. He followed Tsukishima's gaze and sighed. "Why don't you go and talk to them?"

"Tsk. Why would I do that? Can't you see they're enjoying his company?" Tsukishima bitterly said.

"You'll end up losing them if you don't do something about it now. Who knows, they might already be lo-" Yamaguchi stopped as Tsukishima instantly stood up and made his way to where you are.

Taking your wrist, he pulled you towards him, heading out of the classroom.

"Tsukishima, what the hell?!" You tried to resist but his grip on your wrist only tightened.

You gasped as he suddenly stopped, trapping you against a wall with his arms beside your head.

"I'm sorry." Tsukishima closed his eyes, balling his fist as he bowed his head. "I said hurtful words to you and no amount of apology will take those away but I want you to know that I regret every single one of it."

You bit your lower lip as you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Do you really think that I'm ugly? I was hurt, Kei. It's just.."

"I'm sorry." His hand made its way to your cheek, cupping your face while he wiped your tears with his thumb. "You're not ugly."

You shook your head and averted your gaze from him, a sob escaping your lips as you felt yourself falling for him deeper. "Don't. Just stop. I'll accept your apology but please just leave me be. I won't be able to stop my feelings for you if you keep leading me on."

"But I don't want you to stop."

"What?"

"I've fallen for you." He tipped your chin up with his hand making you look at him and you were surprised to see the vulnerability in his features. "Please look at me again, y/n. Keep loving me because I swear that I'll do things different this time. Give me a chance."

You can't help but encircle your arms around him, burrying your face on the side of his neck as you nodded repeatedly. "One chance, Kei."

Tsukishima hugged you tightly, lips pressing on the side of your head. "One chance." He leaned away from you and held your face with his hand, eyes boring to yours admiringly.

"You're beautiful."

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️

#haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #hq imagines #haikyuu angst #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu imagines #hq angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #hq x reader #hq headcanons #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima x you #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima angst #tsukishima comfort #hq sakusa #hq tsukishima #sakusa x y/n #sakusa fluff #sakusa angst

[raggaraddy]

Sauna

Summary: Taehyung always makes you wait on him, but he is going to make sure you learn that he should never have to wait on you.

Trigger Warnings: Smut, Smut, Smut, abuse, Dom/sub-themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic, ambiguous torture.

Taehyung

Yandere!Taehyung

Dom!Taehyung

You've been waiting for Taehyung for hours now. Once again work claims his time and focus. Luckily his luxurious house has plenty to keep you entertained. Knowing Tae, it could be anywhere from 30 minutes to 8 hours that he's locked away. So while you patiently wait for him to be available you decide to make use of the sauna. You know you'll be able to quickly shower and be ready for him within a few minutes when he calls. And he won't mind wet hair or a lack of makeup. He isn't interested in anything like that. He just wants you in position ready for him.

Spending lots of 20 minutes, you cycle through small sessions in the heat and steam with rests in between. It gets to near 90 minutes and on your fourth time heading into the sauna you can feel you are just about at your limit, your head starting to become a bit light.

After only 5 minutes more you decide to cut it short. You remember you haven't really drunk enough water throughout the day and you don't want to risk overdoing it and becoming dazed with Taehyung.

Standing up, you bundle your towel wiping at the sweat dripping from your forehead. You jump as you bring it down, startled by Taehyung standing in the doorway suddenly, looking displeased.

"Ignoring my calls are you?" He opens the sauna door questioning sternly. Your smile changes into a frown of confusion. He called? He never called. Or at least your phone never rang.

"No," you shake your head feeling flustered at suddenly being put on the spot. Passing him diffidently he backs out of the doorway and allows you to exit into the cooldown room.

"Then why did I have to come searching for you?" he berates.

You know you checked the volume. You purposefully made it as loud as you could because you wanted to make sure you would hear it over the music in the sauna. You pick up your phone only to find it dead. You checked the volume but not the battery, and you didn't think to look at it in the past hour, not wanting to touch it while you were sweaty.

Putting the phone face down, sheepishly you turn around. Taehyung hates to be kept waiting. It's something he never tolerates. And you know what he'll say. That being careless is not a sufficient excuse.

"I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again." You apologize contritely, nervously fiddling with your fingers.

"That's not what I asked girl." He demands an answer to his question. The laid back manner with which he stands does not match the harshness of his tone or wording. Usually, he calls you with some variation of little girl or baby girl or good girl. But when it's just girl, you know you've upset him.

"I- my phone died." You pick it up to prove it to him. "I'm sorry" you mumble.

“So what your saying is your lack of attention has caused me to wait on you.”  He scolds, his stare hardening.

While you feel bad, you’re starting to get frustrated. He's being hypocritical. It’s not like you did it on purpose. It was an accident and he’s being too harsh. “Well, I had to wait for you too. Like, nearly 3 hours.” You argue back, instantly regretting your stupid lack of impulse control.

"Excuse me," He challenges with a tight jaw. You know it's rhetorical and not meant to be answered. The best thing is to stay silent and continue to look down at your fingers.

For a moment too long he is quiet and motionless. Your eyes flick up to see what kind of response he is having, only to see him standing stiffly, his features tight as he assesses you unblinkingly. You're feeling dumb, knowing you've just put yourself in a bad position at the start of your weekend session with Tae.

You audibly whimper from nerves, wanting to undo some of the damage. "I'm sor-"

“Come here Y/n”. He interrupts, holding his hand out for you. From his demeanour, you know you're in trouble, but your not sure how yet. However, slightly apprehensively, you accept his outreached hand.

He opens the sauna door, holding it wide and gesturing for you to enter. You pause hesitantly unsure of where he is going with this.

"After making you wait so long for me, I would hate to interrupt you. Go back in. I'll even join you." Now it's his eerily pleasant tone that doesn't match his observable frustration and the slowly tightening grip on your wrist.

Lightly you shake your head, not wanting to say any variation of the word no. "I-it's okay, Sir. I was done."

"Go in." And now to your dismay, the chill of his voice and his body language match. He orders you into the sauna pointedly, his expression daring you to debate it further.

Swallowing heavily, you can't help the way his domineering tone is filling your stomach with butterflies. Even when he gets scary- especially when he gets scary- you find him so attractive. But you know you need to take this moment seriously, or risk getting yourself further into strife.

You nod, going back into the sauna, the warm wet heat swarming around you again quickly making your breath feel smothered. Sitting on one of the wooden benches, you get lower trying to get out of the rising heat. Sweat right away returning to your brow and neck.

After a few minutes, Taehyung comes in, having removed his clothes. He puts down a towel and sits alongside you, resting back with his arms up on either side, his eyes closed as he enjoys the warmth. You try to do the same. But even after a little while more, you're becoming more and more uncomfortable. You try to bear it as long as you can, but as another 10 minutes pass your head begins to thump, your eyes becoming unfocused.

"Okay." You say standing up with a wobble. "This was really nice. But I'm getting a little dizzy. I think I should go out."

"Sit down." He says without opening his eyes. You're looking through the glass door to the cool of the outside longingly. It's starting to hurt being in here, but you're sure Tae knows that.

"Please, Sir. I don't feel well." You try again to plead your point. Despite your discomfort, you still don't want to act on your own. Outrightly disobeying him would disregard everything that your relationship is built on.

"Do you really want to test me right now, little girl?" He says, his head rested back with a smirk.

"You're being unfair." You pout, lightly stomping your foot.

He chuckles, rolling his head forward. "The answer's yes apparently." He stands and your gaze drops to eye height looking at his collar bone. He steps towards you and you step back. And again. Pushing you to the other side of the room. Your legs come into contact with the bench and as he steps at you again, with nowhere left to go, you fall down onto the seat, coming face height with his lower stomach and crotch.

An embarrassed glow fans over your cheeks as you realize what your first impulse is. You stifle a giggle, biting your lip.

"Little Y/n, who's in charge here?"

Those words said in that deep tone have you momentarily forgetting how dehydrated and sick you feel. His voice sending a wave of shivers down your spine and up your neck.

"You are." You purr back, having to push your thighs together with a new kind of heat rushing through your stomach.

"And when I tell you to do something, you do it. Isn't that right?" His salacious words are accompanied by his hand curling around your jaw, his thumb resting on your lips pressing for entrance into your mouth. Instinctually, you open for him and suck his thumb, looking up at him with wide eyes. There's a small lustful smile on his face and in his eyes. But it's the way he licks and bites his lip that has another bolt of heat shooting through your core.

You nod to his question, sucking firmer, taking it deeper and rubbing your tongue along it. Emboldened by the ravenous look in his eye.

Taehyung removes his hand, it shoving your shoulder, making you crash back into the wall. He grabs your legs and roughly throws them onto the double-tiered bench, having you lay along it. Climbing on top of it, he pushes himself between your legs making you spread them wider to accommodate him. Right away you nearly melt feeling his hardening member.

"When I tell you to sit, you don't argue. Do you?" He leans over the top of you, his hand rested next to your head.

"No, Sir." You whisper back breathlessly, shaking your head.

He presses his hips down, rubbing himself between your legs, slipping effortlessly with how wet you already are. You buck upwards trying to encourage him to go further, trying to meet him that last little bit to get what your craving.

"And when I tell you to wait for my call, you make sure to wait patiently and be a good girl for me, don't you?"

"Yes," you pant.

He smirks, approving of your answers. His lips come to yours, licking over your bottom lip before his tongue enters your mouth. Slowly he sinks deep inside you, making you moan and whine.

"You don't need to ask Y/n. Cum as much as you want. But you don't move till I'm done."

A small excited smile fills your face, and you nod back. As far as punishments go, this one seems great. He's not denying you, and he said you can cum as much as you want, so he's not going to overstimulate you. At the moment, you can't see the downside.

Gradually he starts to move, and you bring your hips up to his to match his rhythm, groaning and moaning the whole time. It isn't long until Taehyungs skilled strokes have you exploding around him, giving you the ecstasy you sought after.

But as your high starts to fade, you again gain clarity and realization of your surroundings. You're no longer desperately working towards release and you can again feel the hot air going down your throat. The excess heat of Taehyungs skin on yours. The way your bodies slip along one another due to sweat, or the sweat dripping from Tae's body all over you. You're wet and sore and the longer he continues, even as he brings you to another orgasm, it feels tainted with the suffocation of the sweltering heat.

Taehyung can see it. The look of excitement you had, turning swiftly into one of worry and distress as your distraction faded. And he is revelling once again in how transparent your emotions are to him. Enjoying being able to see how you're suffering but still obeying him.

As he makes you cum for a third time, your body throbs in pleasure but your head thumps in pain. Your chest hurting and your breath short. Your eyes getting glassy. A sick feeling nudging at the back of your throat.

He keeps going, unrelenting for far too long. Keeping himself slow and steady, breaking to kiss and paw at you every now and then to draw it out even longer.

With a stolen glance at the clock on the wall, you can only estimate that he has been fucking you for at least 30 minutes. It's too much. You're so past your limit you can barely keep your eyes open or move. You want to ask him to stop, but you know his order not to move including asking if you could. And you are aware it wasn't a suggestion.

By the time Taehyung finally cums, you're completely spent, nearly unconscious. So much so that after taking a second to catch his own breath, he has to carry you out of the sauna.

As he lays you on the bench in the cool-down room, your body is shivering with dehydration. Any second now, you fear you're going to throw up. Or completely pass out.

But Taehyung doesn't care. He hates to wait on you and he knows he certainly made his point. His only care is that he makes sure you're not confused as to why your suffering right now. "The next time I tell you to wait for me, Y/n," He clarifies with a stern tone, tapping your face lightly to make sure your eyes are open, "I expect you to be actively waiting, and to come running the second I call. Am I understood?"

#bts #yandere bts #yandere #bts fanfic #bangtan #yandere bangtan #bts smut #yandere taehyung #dom!taehyung #bangtan smut #bangtan smut reactions #bts smut reactions #bts taehyung #taehyung #taehyung smut

[vdlest]

Nice to meet you

Characters:

TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary:

The restaurant where Bucky always take Yori to eat with him is where you actually work. You've been watching and staring at him for quite some time now, but didn't have the courage to introduce yourself to him. But what happens when Yori asked Bucky to take you out?

Warning:

None

There they are again. You see two familiar faces entering the restaurant you are working at. You've been seeing this guy who is in his late 30s accompanied by an elderly for quite some time now. You don't know if they are father & son, or anything, but one thing's for sure, you like the guy. You like him even if you don't know what his name is, even if you have no idea who he is. His treatment to the elder guy is enough reason to like him.

No one is taking their table so you took the chance to finally have a closer look of the guy you've been liking for quite some time. Whenever they come, you are either busy with another table or assigned in the cashier. But this time, the opportunity is in front of you.

So you took it.

"Hi, ready to order?" you asked them casually, even if your stomach is getting butteflies inside it. Is this his effect to you? You don't know.

The older man stared at you and smiled, "Just call me Yori. I can guess you're calling me "old man" in your thoughts," he joked.

Yori's joke made you chuckle, "Okay, Yori, nice to meet you. I'm Y/N and I'll be your server for today," you said as you get the paper and pen on your pocket to get their orders, but still no luck from the man you've been eyeing, you still don't know what his name is, "What can I get you for your lunch?" you asked them, glancing at the man who's still busy looking at the menu.

"I'll have Fish and Chips, old man's been craving it since last night," Yori said looking at you. Good thing you were able to switch your eyes to Yori, but when he smiled at you, he must've seen you looking at the man beside him. Yori's smile made you somehow nervous.

You tried to act normal and turned to the man beside Yori, hoping that you would finally know his name by the end of this day.

"How 'bout you, Sir? What can..." you weren't able to finish your question for him when his eyes finally met yours. It was only a matter of time before you realized that this man has a gorgeous pair of blue eyes. You cleared your throat, "What can I get you?" you asked him, dismissing the thought of fantasizing about him.

"I'll just have Clam Chowder," he answers you as he handed you the menu, "Thank you."

"Would you care for anything to drink, then?" you grabbed the menu from his hand, "You should..."

"You should ask her out," Yori said to the guy beside him, making your eyes widened in surprise.

His reaction was same as yours, he's almost embarassed to what Yori just said. Your cheeks are burning red in your guess, but you tried to be as professional as possible. One more thing, you don't want the guy to think that you're into him, that'll make things more awkward as it is now.

"Yori," the man glared at Yori before he moved his eyes back to you, "I'm sorry, he's just really like this from time to time."

You are already getting tired of calling him "guy" or "man." You've been wanting to know his name but God knows how?

"It's fine," you replied then you prepare yourself to leave, "If there's anything you need from me, just let me know. Thank you."

"His name is James," Yori said as you turn your back on them, but you pretended that you did not hear it since you're already inches away from them.

Now, you finally know what his name is.

•••

When their order is finally ready, you took a deep breath before heading your way to their table. Things are more awkward now. You wished that you weren't their server so you'll just get to watch and like him from afar. Not like this.

"Here's your order," you tried your best to smile from ear to ear, even though you're feeling embarassed and a bit awkward already. You put down their orders and once you're done you told them to enjoy their meal.

"So what's a pretty lady like you doing here?" Yori asked you.

Oh, great, small talk, you thought.

You badly want to go back inside the kitchen and start serving other customers but you remembered what your manager told you when the customers make a small talk with you — answer them and interact with them, that way they'll have the will to come back.

"I'm just saving up money to start my own business," you answered Yori.

You could see in your peripheral that James is looking at you. As much as you want to know what kind of look he's giving you, you fight that idea.

"I like business-minded people. They are the best in organization and handling things," he complimented. "You got a boyfriend?" he asked you another question.

You shook your head and smile, "No, I don't. I guess that's the downside of being a business-minded, no one dares to date you," you joked.

"I think I'll take that dare."

Your eyes traveled to James who suddenly spoke.

"I'm sorry, you're what?" you asked him.

"You think no one dares to date business-minded woman? I'll tell you, what," he smiles at you, "I like accepting dares."

Is he asking you out?

"Just in case you're puzzled with his words," Yori joined the conversation again, making you look his way again, "He's asking you out."

"Really?" you asked Yori.

Your eyes moved back to James and the way he stares at you makes your heart skip a beat, countless times. Your fingers gripped on the tray you're holding, trying to contain your happiness.

"What time's the end of your shift?" he asked.

You gulped, "I'm out by 6."

"Great, I'll come back at 6 to pick you up, then," he extended his hand towards you, "I'm James Barnes, but call me Bucky."

You reached for his hand, "Nice to meet you, Bucky. I'm Y/N." The touch of his soft hand on yours answers all your untold questions about him.

Ever since you saw him, you kept on asking yourself what it feels like to be his girl, what it feels like to be hugged by him, what if feels like to hold hands with him, and what if feels like to be kissed by his lips. But now, the touch of his hand on yours and the fact that you two have a date later is more than enough.

•••

When he said he's gonna be at your workplace at 6, he meant he's gonna be 30 minutes early. You asked him to sit down on one of the vacant tables, when he did, he handed you the bouquet of flowers he's holding. You didn't want to conclude that it was meant for you, but when he handed it to you, your heart melted like an ice cream under the sun.

As you finished your shift, you and Bucky went on your way. He said he already had everything planned out, so he did not bother to ask you where you want to go. Well, that's how you like it anyway. You want to be surprised.

The two of you ended up in the nearby beach, before you settled down in the sand, you passed by some food stalls and that's where you and Bucky bought food and drinks for your date.

"I hope you like sunsets," he said as both of you sat down on the sand and started munching over the food you guys bought, "I should've asked you abour where you want to go, but..." he seemed a little nervous so you cut him off.

"I like it."

His eyes went to yours and now he's puzzled, "You like what in particular?" he asked.

You smiled, "I like all of these. I like sunsets. I like how you planned this night for us. I like it. I appreciate it." You handed him his drink, "I'm not expert in date ideas as well, so no worries."

He chuckled and that's the only time you noticed how cute he is when he laugh and smile, especially his cheeks reaching for his eyes.

"I haven't dated anyone in decades so that explains my old fashioned ways and ideas," you don't know what he means when he said he haven't dated in decades.

"What are you? A 80 year old man?" you joked.

"Actually a hundred and six."

You burst into laughter but his face remained serious, "You are so funny, Bucky." You sighed as you stare on the sunset in front of you, "You know, some of my classmates bullied me when I was in elementary 'cause they think I'm an old soul or something, so don't worry if someone thinks of you as an old-fashioned or something. It's not really bad."

He frowned, "Why did they bullied you?"

"Because they found out that I'm listening to The Beatles, Paul Anka, Frankie Valli, and not into Britney Spears or something trendy during our time," you explained. You took a deep breath once more, "I guess I just really prefer old and classic songs. I find them amusing and the words that they used in making them feels like they are really talking to you and your soul."

You could still remember back in the day, you asked your dad to bought you a vinyl because you were fascinated by it.

"So what's your favorite song?" Bucky asked you.

"Can't take my eyes off of you, it's really classic," you said before taking a sip from your drink. "That was also my parents' theme song when they got married," sadness took over you when you remembered your late parents, "That was also the song I sang for them during their funeral."

You felt Bucky's eyes on you.

You turn to him and nodded to his unsaid question, "I'm an orphan now. They died because of a car accident. And when they died I used to live with my grandma but she died ad well three years ago, that makes me independent from then on. That makes me alone and living my own life." You tried giving him a smile, "How about you? What are your favorites?" you changed the topic.

But even though you already changed the topic he did not let go of the fact that something changed in your mood when you talked about your parents.

"I know how hard it is to lose both of your parents. I felt them too," he reached for your hand, making you shiver, "But if they'd see you now, I'll bet they're proud of the woman you are now."

You looked down and smile, "Why do you even talk like you already know me?" you asked him. "You and I just met," you reminded him as you look back at him.

"We just met but I've seen you and how hard you work in that restaurant every single time I was there and every time I pass by it," he revealed.

All along you thought he doesn't know you exist, but he does. He's totally aware of your existence and he knows how hard worker you are.

"Don't feel bad for being alone and independent, 'cause you should be proud of yourself. You know how to take care of yourself without depending or relying your happiness to other people. Sometimes living alone isn't that bad, it will let you experience things that will taught you a lot of lessons in life," you felt he squeezed your hand, making your eyes travel to your and his hands holding together.

You learned from him that he's not related to Yori, they are just neighbors and he's just trying to help Yori as the latter is living on his own.

Once darkness consumed the sky, the two of you head back to your apartment, which is only a few blocks away from the place where you work. You asked him if he wants to have a cup of coffee, he said yes but before you guys could enter your apartment, he received a phone call. After he talked someone over the phone, he said he needed to go.

"Is everything alright?" you asked him concernly. You noticed the sudden change of his mood after he took the call.

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I need to go but I promise, I'll call you and text you." Both of you already exchanged numbers so you just got to wait when he will call and text you. But you said to yourself you're not gonna expect anything, "I had a wonderful time with you tonight and God knows I didn't want to end our date like this but I just got to go. It's call of duty."

You don't understand what he mean by call of duty but you have no other choice but to let him go.

"Take care, Bucky," that's all you could tell him.

You could tell in his reaction that he isn't happy with the answer he got from you.

Somehow, you are telling yourself to not expect anything from him. In that way, you won't get your hopes up and you won't end up getting hurt and disappointed. It's better that way.

You were about to close your door when his hand stopped you from doing so.

"Wha--"

Before you could say a word, he walked towards you and closed the space between the two of you as he leaned in to claim your lips.

The sweet taste of his lips makes your knees weak, but his arms rescued you and gently pinned you against the door. It's not long before you kissed him back and enjoy the taste of his lips.

Last night you dreamed of meeting him, of knowing him, and tonight, you'll be sleeping peacefully as you get satisfaction of meeting him, having a date with him, and getting the chance to kiss him. What a progress in a day.

When you heard your neighbor coming out the other door, you pulled away from your kiss.

You and Bucky stared at each other while waiting for your neighbor to evaporate.

Once your neighbor is gone, he kissed your lips one more time. When he pulled away, he smiled at you, "That's the first time I kissed a woman in decades, so if it's that bad, give me the consideration," he joked.

"No," you shook your head, "No one ever kissed me that good before."

His smile grew wider as he gave your cheeks a caress, "I'll see you when I get back."

"Don't promise anything to me, Bucky. Just do it," you said before entering your apartment and closing your door.

Like what you said, you will not expect anything for the coming days or even weeks. You won't do anything about it. You won't get your hopes up and wait for his move, it's up to him whether he'll call you or not. But a little part of you hope that he will.

A little hope wouldn't hurt anyway.

-v.dl

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel #bucky barnes fluff

[ghostgothgeek]

Hi, I'm sorry if this ask bothers you, and I hope it doesn't give you trouble, but I've been thinking and I just need to get this outta my chest.

A lot of Sam criticism comes from Sam "not acknowledging her mistakes", and I can't help but think that's a result of her not apologising as explicitly as people want?

I first want to clear up that I love Sam and believe this is BS, because she does acknowledge when she's wrong. But I wanted to dwell on the why of this belief.

The only "problem" is that her way of apologising is usually not your typical sorry. This is actually common in cartoons. Saying sorry is important and should be featured more often, but storytelling tends to prefer using actions over words because it gives a certain symbolism to it.

Case on point, in Girls' Night Out, Sam's way of apologising to Jazz for not trusting her abilities as ghost hunter is to follow her plan and, most importantly, to acknowledge her as Ghost Getter #1. Something Jazz even beamed at. And that helped them bond.

Sorry this got long, may I ask your opinion on it? If you don't want to answer, that's okay, thank you for your time 💖

Hi @geekgirles! I’m so so sorry it took me this long to reply - I’ve been really busy getting back to work! I also wanted to rewatch this episode both for fun and also to better answer this.

Firstly, you are not bothering me at all and this isn’t too long! I’m seriously so honored you would ask for my opinion!

Also, you bring up a good point. I never really thought of that. Sam is a lot more mature than Danny and Tucker, so it would make sense that she knows actions speak louder than words.

Also I actually love this episode. The only downside is the forced tension between Sam and Jazz, and I say forced because they get along well in all the other episodes. They just had it for a plot point in this episode because Sam and Danny were getting closer to being a couple, and I guess she needed “family approval” even though she basically lives at Fenton Works already. It was definitely forced tension, which honestly is stupid and I hate it. But also, some of the best lines are in this episode!

“What was that?”

“What? You think you’re the only one who can drive men away?”

“One of us is gonna have to dress up like a boy.”

“Oh come on, it’s because I wear boots right?”

“Wow.”

“Frightened now?”

“No, I can’t believe you have a girlfriend.”

“Uh, why are all these women armed?”

Seeing all the women, human and ghost, team up is amazing and hilarious. Its cool to see how ghost powers can combine.

It’s also hilarious to have all the couples - Danny and Sam, Johnny and Kitty, Ember and Skulker, Spectra and Bertram, even Jack and Maddie (and the friendship between Dash and Kwan, the mother/daughter relationship between Jazz and Maddie, and the father/son relationship between Jack and Danny). In the end, everyone learns a little something about someone else, which is both dope and a great lesson and character development.

Anyways, back to Sam and Jazz in this episode. Tucker is also kinda standoffish to Jazz, it’s not just Sam. Sam is a bit more sassy (when is she not?) but Tucker is also rejecting Jazz. I think Sam is justified to be worried about Jazz joining the team (she doesn’t have as much experience fighting ghosts, earlier in the series she wanted nothing to do with ghost hunting, when she tries to help she usually sucks Danny in the thermos) even though Jazz is improving. I don’t think Sam had the right to be kinda nasty towards Jazz, but it is also kinda Sam’s character to be like that towards anyone who isn’t Danny and Tucker. But again, the tension between the girls was forced in this episode, because Tucker was hesitant towards Jazz too and yet the focus of the episode is on Jazz and Sam.

I’ll get to the apology thing, but I think something I see often other than “Sam doesn’t apologize” is “Sam always ends up being right so it reinforces her bad behavior” - which I still don’t get. Now the apology. The example you brought to this conversation is a perfect instance of Sam being wrong and admitting it. She tells Jazz good job when Jazz is excited her plan worked, and called her ghost getter #1. They are shown complimenting each other later on and going out for ice cream together. You are correct - in her actions, Sam has not only admitted she was wrong and apologized, but she also accepts and compliments Jazz, and vice verse. Sam may not have said “I’m sorry, I was wrong” like she did to Paulina in Parental Bonding, but actions can speak louder than words. It’s one thing to say “I was wrong sorry” and not really mean it versus actually enthusiastically accepting and complimenting Jazz both for her plan and how well she handled the equipment. At the end of the episode, I think it’s safe to call them friends, and not just sister and best friend of Danny.

Another thing I’d like to point out: we’ve seen Sam use the bazooka and Jazz use the ghost peeler, but in this episode they are essentially using each other’s weapons and complimenting each other on how great the other is doing (can I just say that Sam with the ghost peeler is fucking badass). That’s mutual respect and approval. It’s better than just an admission of being wrong and an apology.

So between this, her apology to Paulina in Parental Bonding, and even her literally saying “you were right” to Danny in DCMH, you could argue that Sam DOES have some character development throughout the show. I’m sure we would have seen much more of the series wasn’t cut short by BH’s selfishness. I think that if there were to be more seasons before forcing the ending in season 3/Phantom Planet, we would have seen more character development in general, particularly with Sam, and I also think the Danny/Sam relationship wouldn’t have seemed as forced as most people see it now. I’m positive that there was seasons of development for their relationship, and the writers basically had to go from chapter 5 to the end of a 60 chapter book in essentially 10 short episodes. Season 3 was rushed, but I understand how the writers still wanted to get to their end game plans for the show to try and tie up loose ends. I think we can all agree that the show did not end gracefully or the way any of us wanted, but remember it is because they were forced to shove so much plot that should go on for seasons into like a third of a season because they were cancelled. It got messy and therefore the execution was poor.

Anyway, that’s way more analysis than you asked for (sorry), but yeah, I can agree with Sam’s form of apologizing not being as straight forward as some would have liked. I hope this answers your question! Feel free to hit me with more!

#danny phantom #sam manson #girls night out #analysis #ask stephanie #stephanie shares things

[sou-ver-2-0]

How different do you think Shin's character, or the story in general, would be if Shin had been a girl instead (let's call her, I dunno, Shinko. Souko can be her false name)? Obviously I don't believe it would make a /tremendous/ change to either the character or story, but it's just something interesting and fun to think and discuss about.

I agree that’s a fascinating topic!! At the core of Shin’s character is someone who worries tremendously about how others perceive them. Would the others perceive Shin differently if Shin were a girl? Would fem!Shin adopt new strategies to counter different kinds of expectations? Even subtle changes in the writing could make the story feel very different to us.

Personally, I’ve always thought that one of the best cards up Shin’s sleeve in canon is that he’s a man! Because we take men’s words seriously, even if they’re liars. If Shin were a woman, she might struggle more to be believed.

Before I go any further, I’ll keep calling her Shin, since Shin is a gender-neutral name. (That’s a plot point in the game! When the cast wonders if “Shin Tsukimi” could be the alias of one of the girls.) Based on my quick research, it seems like “Sou” is a masculine name. While “Shinko” and “Souko” sound sweet to me, I feel weird making up Japanese names, since I’m not Japanese. So I’ll keep using the original names, but I’ll try to be as clear as possible.

When I brought up your question to my sister, she pointed out to me that we could play this out in two ways. The first is the way you suggested, that fem!Shin pretends to be fem!Sou. But we could also do this the “Shakespearean way”; what if Shin was a girl pretending to be a boy? What if fem!Shin still chose to adopt the persona of the strongest man she knew, Sou Hiyori? This route would be especially emotional if fem!Shin were a trans woman or nonbinary, and still felt compelled to hide something essential about herself in order to survive. I don’t believe I’m the most qualified person to tell this kind of story, but that premise sounds intriguing. The subtext of Shin’s arc is already about repressing your true nature; this would simply be making the subtext text.

(Obviously that type of plot point can be handled in bad taste! But I think it could be a thoughtful exploration of gender issues, if written well. The focus of Shin’s name reveal here should not be “shock value,” and should instead feel like the natural culmination of her arc—that’s how Shin’s name reveal already feels in canon, so the new sentiment should mirror that. I think it also helps that we have another trans character in Alice, who lives more openly, and would bring a necessary perspective to this type of story.)

But let’s go back to the first way that you suggested, that fem!Shin pretends to be fem!Sou. What are some changes we might see if our lying antagonist presented herself as a woman?

I definitely think her biggest disadvantage would be that we take women’s words less seriously than men’s. To use a sad example, I think even Sara struggles with this. Would the group take Sara as seriously as a leader if she didn’t have Keiji backing her up? I don’t think they would.

In contrast, Shin is a liar who tries to command the group’s attention by behaving outrageously. This is already an incredibly dangerous gamble in canon. It’s made even more difficult by Shin beginning the game with a timid personality. I can imagine Fem!Shin struggling even more. It wouldn’t be a tremendous change, like you said, but you could definitely play it up. Maybe Fem!Shin would need to rely even more on acting “cutsey” to get what she wanted, if folks wouldn’t believe her when she tries to sound confident.

Perhaps Q-Taro might even throw Fem!Shin under the bus in the First Main Game, like he does with Nao, Gin, and Kanna? I remember that my sister and I joked that the reason Q-Taro doesn’t call Shin “useless” in canon was because of the unspoken “Bro Code.” (In other words, Q-Taro wouldn’t target an adult man—even one as weak as Shin—because that would endanger himself too!)

On the other hand, folks might be more “delicate” with Fem!Shin, and less likely to threaten her with violence? That would be an advantage! I’m especially thinking of how the group goes on a witch hunt for Shin in the beginning of Chapter 2, and Reko says that she wants to beat up the “beanie bastard,” while Keiji says he wants to throw handcuffs on Shin. Later in Chapter 2, after Shin takes the Sacrifice Card from Q-Taro, Q-Taro “stomps around” in a rage planning to attack Shin! Would they talk differently if Shin were a woman? It’s possible!

The downside of men being “taken seriously” is that we overlook their vulnerabilities. Shin is frail, but this is mockable in canon because he’s a man. If Shin were a frail woman, that would be expected. I think folks would be more careful with their threats and jokes if Shin were a woman. This also ties into how people often don’t take it seriously when men are victims of abuse—something masc!Shin likely struggles with in his regular life, since being an abuse survivor is an important part of Shin’s character.

Being a woman could also subtly change Shin’s relationships with other characters!

For example, Shin’s power games with Keiji would look different. On the one hand, I could imagine Keiji trying to be “nicer” to Fem!Shin, at least in the beginning. On the other hand? We could make this darker. I could imagine Keiji flirting with Shin to intimidate her. But instead of trying to “push her away” like he does with Sara, he’d be trying to put Shin in her place. Keiji is a master with words, and he could use them to devastating effect to remind Shin that she’s a woman while he’s the man in control. (To be clear, there’s no reason Keiji couldn’t flirt with Shin in canon! I’ve even written a ficlet of this exact scenario that I never intend to publish. I’m simply thinking that it would appear more “normal” for Keiji to flirt with another woman in public, and Keiji is concerned about appearances in this Death Game too.)

What about Shin and Kanna? One detail I thought of is that Fem!Shin might feel a little more hurt that Kanna sees her sister in Sara instead of her. Masc!Shin can rationalize that Sara is a girl, but Fem!Shin has to rationalize even more. I started thinking about how Fem!Shin might worry that she’s too old or not pretty enough for Kanna’s affection? Personally, it makes me emotional in canon how Shin was sure that Kanna would pick Sara over him if she had the Sacrifice. We know he feels self-conscious about it. I like to wonder what his thoughts were. Fem!Shin’s worries might look a little bit different, even if they’re worrying about the same problem.

As for Shin and Sara, their rivalry would also look different, even if it’s subtle. Fem!Shin would lose the advantage of “being a man,” though she still has the advantage of age. Maybe Sara would sympathize more easily with another woman? Maybe she’d feel a little sad that Fem!Shin won’t join the group of “The Idiot Girls”? Or perhaps their arguments would turn even pettier. I do want Sara to still be able to attack Fem!Shin to try to claim the smartphone!! Just because you’re a woman, don’t think I’ll go easy on you!

Those were my main ideas, Anon! Thank you for the fascinating question. I did my best with it!

#I talk about some sensitive social issues in this post...I did my best to be as thoughtful as possible!! #yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #your turn to die spoilers #sou hiyori #shin tsukimi #mine #meta

[katnissmellarkkk]

Gravity

Hi! Okay, so here’s chapter two of my growing back together story, inspired by the prompt “I won’t hurt you” @rosegardeninwinter sent me. I also posted this fic on AO3 under the title Gravity (like the Sara Bareilles song), if that’s where you prefer to read. And here’s a link to chapter one of this fic if you wanna read and haven’t yet.

Also I know I said in my first author’s note that there will be three chapters, but there might be a bit more.... we love an over-writer, right? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I don’t know if you’re “supposed” to post every part of a multi chapter fic on here? Or just post the link to it on AO3? But for now I posted it in its entirety on here 😊.

Anyways, hope you like it! And thanks to anyone who reads! 💖💖💖

/

A couple months later.

We slide back after that. I don't know if that night-the night he had a nightmare that I died and we slept locked in each other's embrace-moved too quickly for Peeta or if he thought he was protecting me from him, but when morning light came, he was gone from the bed.

I didn't see him again until the following evening, helping Haymitch feed his rambunctious geese in the yard. He didn't speak to me for four more days after that, and when he did, it was to ask what kind of bread I wanted him to bring for lunch the next day.

I pretended to his face that it didn't hurt. That waking up in a cold, empty bed, in a house he all but abandoned until I had evacuated, that sleeping in his arms and awaking so abruptly alone, didn't hurt. I did what I had taught myself to do as a child and I turned my features into an indifferent mask, shutting off all access to my emotions. Destroying any possibility of anyone witnessing my vulnerabilities.

But I knew deep down, it did hurt. It hurt badly.

I didn't speak to him directly the first week he showed up for lunch and to work on the memory book again. I got by fine without addressing him directly, as Haymitch somehow sensed the bubbling tension between us and stayed sober just enough to remain alert for all our shared meals. He helped with the memory book, helped by adding in a snarky comment here or there to reel our focuses onto him instead of each other.

I wanted to say thank you but I never knew how. I doubt Haymitch needs me to verbalize it anyway. One night, as he follows behind Peeta to leave, his hand grazes my shoulder and gives it a squeeze and I know he's much more aware of the dynamic between his old tributes than he leads on.

But weeks after the night in question, the night that set Peeta and my friendship back months, we receive a telegraph from Effie. A telegraph that shakes the small amount of stability we've managed to build in the time since the war.

Apparently President Paylor has decided to move forward with arena destruction, an idea mentioned a few times by Plutarch on Caesar's talk show. An idea I didn't take seriously until now.

Paylor has decided to build a memorial for each of the arenas, for each year the games ever took place, to immortalize our history, so Panem can never forget how cruel and inhumane things once were. But first, she wants to eliminate the actual Hunger Games arenas, once and for all, before putting the memorials in their place.

My initial thought, months ago when Delly showed me Plutarch and Caesar discussing the idea, was that this would takes years to happen.

I was, once again, so clearly wrong. The plans have been expedited and the order in which each arena will be decimated has been swiftly decided.

All that alone doesn't sound terrible. I'd like to see those death pits crushed, burned, torn down, eradicated, or all of the above, by any means necessary. Only downside, initially, is that this will extend me—and Peeta and potentially all the other victors—remaining in the forefront of the public's mind.

Since the war, all I've ever wanted was for everyone in the country to forget who I am. I don't want to be known anymore. I just want to be left alone, to a quiet and peaceful and relatively simple life, without anyone ever recognizing me again. Without anyone thinking of me as the girl on fire, as the Mockingjay, as the sixteen-year-old who volunteered for a sister who was doomed to death anyway.

But, of course, there's a catch. There's always a catch.

Plutarch thinks it would be great to have the living victors be there—televised—in the Capitol and see the arenas before they're bulldozed.

Even with this dreadful proposition, I thought I had time to think of a way out of it. When Effie first sent the telegraph, I thought that I would have years before having to worry about going back to the places where my nightmares started.

Well, some of my nightmares, that is.

After all, it takes time to destroy something as large and as vast as an arena-excluding the way I destroyed the one in the Quell, that is. I figured-I rationalized, really-that by the time they got to number Seventy-Four, I would have a solid excuse to get out of attending.

I guess though they wished to start with the big years and the first decade of the Hunger Games wasn't very eventful, apparently—lucky them—so the first arena they wish to bid farewell to is the one from the second Quarter Quell. The Fiftieth Hunger Games. The one that was so strikingly beautiful and almost entirely poisonous.

The year Haymitch Abernathy, from the lowly District Twelve, won.

And being also from Twelve, my presence, along with Peeta's, suddenly became of the utmost importance as well.

At first, I still try to opt out of the event. Even after Effie chastises me over the phone, like not a day has passed since she was my escort, and even after my mother claims in her letter that it could be cathartic for me, I do not relent.

Delly and Thom and a few of the others in the community, like Kanon who runs the candy shop two stores away from the bakery, and Greta, who helps with the dusting and mopping all over town, try to say that it could be good for me. Greasy Sae claims it can't be worse than actually living through the games, and I silently appreciate her much more blatant statement than the comforting platitudes others try to provide me.

But it all falls on deaf ears in the end.

Because the only person I truly listen to is Peeta. Even bitter and wounded, the only person I really hear is him.

Unfortunately, as irritating as it is sometimes, his voice will always reach me when others can't.

But we don't ever have an actual conversation about it. Five days after Effie calls to announce the news, to tell me unequivocally that my presence is requested, Peeta sways me to go with just a look.

He comes over later than usual and brings extra bread and pastries to go with the deer meat I hunted. We feast silently, the air between us still incredibly awkward, when, without warning, our old mentor comes crashing through the door unceremoniously.

I don't know how much alcohol he consumed, but it's enough to knock even someone with Haymitch's tolerance off his feet.

By the end of the hour, the older man is practically beating his head into the wall of my dining room, screaming the names of dead children and about force fields and axes. And from across the kitchen table, Peeta touches my arm—the first time he's voluntarily touched me in weeks—and my eyes meet his, blue pouring into gray, and silently he begs me to go for the goodbye ceremony to Haymitch's arena.

And I give in. Not just for him. But also, in large part, to repay the caustic, miserable drunk that kept us alive. To support the unpredictable, temperamental man that I do consider my family somehow.

The ceremony is set to take place weeks later and the time does little to alleviate my anxiety. Peeta and me still don't speak much, but come time for lunch or dinner, there he is, in my house like clockwork.

When I point out, a few days before we're due at the train station, that there's a very realistic possibility that the Capitol won't let me go to the ceremony, Peeta casually says, "I already cleared that with Effie and Plutarch."

I shoot him a look of surprise. "You did?"

Shrugging nonchalantly before turning back to the rabbit on his plate, he murmurs quietly, "Thought it'd give you one less thing to worry about."

The ceremony is nothing like I expect. Somehow I figured there would be an obnoxiously large television crew, loud speakers, prepared speeches on written cards, awkward directions and crowds upon crowds of people surrounding us, asking pointed questions, shooting invasive stares and pressing for reactions to their nosy accusations. I expected those accusations to be directed at me and Peeta especially.

Instead, there's none of those things. There's no crowd at all, it's just us victors. Just Enobaria, Johanna, Annie, the three of us from Twelve and Beetee—who I still can't make myself so much as look at, reminded of my sister's absence and his role in it every time we so much as stand in five feet vicinity of each other.

The camera crew consists of Mitchell, Pollux and Cressida, along with two unfamiliar, but seemingly non-threatening faces. There's no directions, no prompting, not close ups or reshoots.

All that happens is Paylor makes a statement that the crew films, stating that the arenas will be destroyed one by one, and in the place of each there will be an individual memorial made, as we victors stand in an unorganized, crooked line that will surely make Effie cringe when she sees the footage on television later.

It's almost peaceful, I think to myself in surprise, as I look around at the location. The sky is a stunning cobalt, even more brilliant in person than in the video Peeta and I watched on the train so long ago. The meadow looks like the grass is fresh, like it was just watered yesterday. The mountain is so breathtaking I have to physically tear my eyes away from it and even the woods look rather cozy. Or maybe that part is just me.

There's also arraignments of flowers, just like in the footage we watched, that spill every which way, filling our noses with soothing, floral scents. It feels unnatural to say about a place set up for murder, but with the deadly poisons lurking at every turn eviscerated, I almost can find this arena truly beautiful.

Of course though, it's not my arena.

It's Haymitch's and he looks like he's about to be sick. He's white-knuckled it for a few days without any sort of drink—to my, Peeta's and, even Effie's, visible shock—and I can see plainly now that he's absolutely regretting it. His eyes are hallow and wild at the same time and I can see his shaking palms beneath the sleeves of his jacket as he stares out at the source of his every nightmare for the last quarter century.

It shocks me that he didn't find a way out of this. Actually, it shocks me still that these ceremonies are even possible.

I never knew they kept arenas after the games were over each year. I never realized they kept all seventy-four death pits, haunted by child sacrifice, the way you keep old vases on a shelf.

At this point though, it's just another thing to add onto the growing list of horrific and unthinkable issues that the Capitol doesn't even grasp. Keeping the haunted graveyards of children as souvenirs shouldn't sit right with anyone, I don't care how you're raised.

I tell myself to not be so quick to judge, as I can't know who I'd be if I had been born in the Capitol instead of the districts. Still, the idea of condoning the things they have without remorse or shame seems unthinkable.

I'm torn out of my thoughts when Cressida speaks. "Is there anything you'd like to say, Haymitch, before we finish filming?"

Once again, catching me off-guard entirely—he's full of all sorts of surprises evidently—Haymitch clears his throat and looks down at his leather boots before speaking. "Ardor. Garnett. Dolan. Silver. Ryker. Artemis. Slayte. Pistol. Lex. Mac. Lumen. Gig. Brook. Aqua. Mary. Ripley. Lyme. Watt. Rocky. Gio. Belle. Raven. Kia. Mecko. Barker. Jack. Holly. Briar. Essie. Stitch. Coco. Paul. Mira. Miller. Coop. Harvey. Butch. Cutter. Bea. Skinna. Basil. Sunny. Rip. Spring. Oaker. Terra. Maysilee." He lists off the names in a way that is so matter-of-fact that it would almost be robotic if it weren't for the hoarseness in his tone that grows stronger with every name he utters. He hesitates for only a moment before adding, "Corentine. Alannah. Alastar."

There's a long stretch of silence, where no one speaks, no one blinks, no one even breathes. We all know instinctively who these people are—I know solely from Maysilee Donner's name being called—but we still wait until Haymitch speaks again, to confirm our assumption.

"Those are the names of all the people this arena killed." His eyes grow glassy and his brow furrows in anger as he fights desperately to repress his emotions, and suddenly I have the strangest urge to hug my mentor, to make him feel better like he tried to do for me once when Peeta was stuck in the Capitol and I was distraught. But I know it wouldn't be appreciated or wanted, and quite honestly I'm glad for that, because I don't even know what to say.

The last three names Haymitch said stick in my head for some reason I can't explain other than an odd gut feeling. But then he speaks again, an in a voice growing gruffer by the second, he says right into the camera, "that's every single person who was killed because of the second Quarter Quell."

And, like I should have known all along, it hits me the last three names are the names of his family who were murdered to punish him for the stunt with the forcefield.

The last three names are the murders of the last people he loved. Until me and Peeta came along.

As if his thoughts matched mine, Haymitch suddenly shakes his head and his eyes widen again as he stares past all the rest of us, as he continues to take in the exact place in which life as he knew it, twenty-six years ago, was altered forever.

His reaction is more understandable and genuine than I imagined he would ever allow it to be, especially on camera, and I want to say something but me and him both aren't good at saying anything, and I find myself looking to Peeta, hoping he'd know what to do.

Peeta doesn't meet my gaze though. He's solely focused on our mentor and just when he opens his mouth to speak, the older man to suddenly shake his head in our general direction and clears his throat.

"I'm done. Tell Plutarch I'm done with this crap. Just hurry up and bulldoze this place so I can go back to Twelve," is all he says to Cressida as he storms off, but his voice is rough and caustic once again, and I can only hope he recovers from this event soon enough.

Somehow, witnessing Haymitch relive his games, even through the shield he so obviously puts up to the outside world, triggers me though. For some reason, I feel my eyes begin to water as I look around at the meadow, at the mountain, at the golden cornucopia, and wonder how anyone could build a place where kids would eventually go to die? How could anyone have ever been so inhumane? How could a country just accept it? How did we live for so long with the Hunger Games overtaking our lives and still remained complicit? I don't understand. The more time passes, the more days I'm separated from the war and from the old world and the old way of life, I just can't comprehend anymore how we ever lived in a place so horrific.

I feel my eyes spill over and I'm grateful that Cressida has stopped filming already, because if Plutarch saw any tears on film, he would make certain it ended up on television.

I wipe my tears with the heel of my hand, trying to go about it as subtly as I can, hoping no one else notices. For the most part, I'm golden. Enobaria is already exiting, with Beetee following not far behind. Jo's back is to me while she speaks to Annie, though as per usual, she seems to be irritated.

Of course, it's too much to ask for everyone to remain oblivious to my waterworks. Even as I rid myself of them before they become widely noticeable, I feel Peeta's eyes train on me and know, despite the distance between us for the last few weeks, he isn't going to ignore my upset.

To my surprise though, he doesn't speak. He doesn't utter a single syllable.

Instead, I feel his large, warm palm slip into mine and squeeze tightly, lacing our fingers together, in a way we have done thousands of times before. Like two puzzle pieces coming together to complete a picture, like two indivisible teammates that will fight against anything that is thrown their way, like two halves of a whole finally finding each other, his hand grasps mine with a vengeance and I know I won't be the one who let's go.

He's still holding my hand when we board the train, hours later.

//

A couple weeks later.

"Yes, Mrs. Greenstead, I will get the chocolate nut loaf and a platter of the cranberry cookies wrapped up for you... Yes, it will be ready by the time you arrive... No, I promise they won't be cold," Peeta assures through the bakery telephone—a new addition that Thom and his wife thought was necessary to run a proper bakery. So necessary they bought it for Peeta as an opening gift.

It's not that the gesture wasn't nice or that Peeta didn't deeply appreciate it. I personally saw that he did, wholeheartedly.

But seeing it on the wall every day was just another reminder to me of my own personal vendetta against the integration between the Capitol's way of life and the districts'.

The only place telephones used to exist, outside of the Capitol limits, was the houses in Victor's Villiage, and if I'm being honest, I wish it would have stayed that way.

Maybe I'm being selfish, as I happen to still reside inside a house that once belonged to the said village, therefore I already had experienced this luxury prior to the new world. But I just can't make myself break the association between the items that had recently become readily available for all and the horror that was the Capitol.

Still though, the change was inescapable Telephones, cameras, heating pads, curling irons, quick bake ovens, cars and so many other items, were all growing in popularly across each district. Not that I was able to see a lot of these changes personally. But letters from Annie and my mom, and the occasional—unprompted and yet still begrudged—call from Jo, all kept me informed. Sometimes more informed than I wished to be.

Maybe I would feel entirely different if these inventions were brand new to me. But they aren't. I'd seen and used every one of them before. Their novelty had always been lost on me, perhaps because my only experience them was while inside the Capitol, surrounded by tacky colors and strong rose scents and itchy materials, headed for a death match, my life and the lives of those I cared always at great risk.

Of course, the new item in the bakery did make some things easier. Days like today are a perfect example.

Harvest Day is only one day away and everyone is coming in for their breads and their desserts. Peeta says it was always one of the most popular days, for as long as he can remember. Only difference is, before the war only Peacekeepers and town folks could afford to purchase anything. And generally, most citizens who even did come in, could only purchase a limited amount of items.

Not now. I don't know where everyone in Twelve was coming up with the money or if Peeta's prices are just a drastic drop from that of his mother's, but today, I swear I've seen every citizen in town inside the bakery.

Makes me glad that the portrait of me is hanging in the back, where no one else can see it. As pretty as it may be, as talented as Peeta is, I don't want a giant version of me displayed for all to see.

"Here you are," I politely say, handing two loaves of warm bread to a man who must be new to Twelve, as I've never seen him before. I'm debating on asking if he moved here recently when he passes a bill to me over the top of the pastry display.

"Thank you, hon." He smiles at me, looking at me a little too closely for my liking, as he swiftly walks out the door. His exit is met with the arrival of Val, a boy Peeta and I went to school with, who definitely was more Peeta's crowd than mine.

Val is a regular customer at the bakery, having always genuinely liked the Mellark family. His parents owned a small carpentry shop four spaces down from the bakery, and even with both them dead, he and his two sisters rebuilt the store, taking over their parents' legacy.

Peeta though is more focused on me now than Val's order. "Give me a second," he calls to his old friend, a little less polite than he had been all morning. "Katniss, what's wrong?" He asks urgently, seeing the look in my eyes.

I shake my head and push away the anxiety threatening to close in on me. "Nothing, just..." I hesitate, not even wanting to say it. Peeta's gaze refuses to lessen though and I sigh before finally mumbling, "That guy. He creeped me out. The way he was looking at me so closely..."

Peeta's hand touches my arm for a brief moment before pulling it away, making it obvious that he regrets the small act of even so much as touching me. But his words are still calming and they relax me a little. "He's gone now, Katniss. And if he scares you, I won't let him come back, okay? There's nothing anyone can do to you or me anymore. We're safe."

I nod, knowing the words like the back of my hand at this point, as it's the same mantra we always repeat to each other, every time one of us begins to panic or flail. But still, I open my mouth to refuse his offer. I don't want Peeta to turn away any sort of business. Not with the unpredictability and uncertainty this new world still rests on. We never know if the bakery will sell anything tomorrow or if all sort of income will soon dry up.

And we're the lucky ones, financially speaking, who were rich before the war and allowed—in a generous declaration by President Paylor—to keep the entirety of our money after. I don't have to imagine the anxiety others in the country must be in, knowing the curse of poverty all too well. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

"I don't want you to turn away people," I say quietly. "Not on my account. You need business to keep this place afloat."

"I have plenty of money, Katniss," he reminds me, a little darker than I expect. "And I'd rather you feel safe than own a popular shop."

His words unexpectedly touch me, unexpectedly cut right down to the depth of my bones, exposing my soft underbelly. I'm about to do something stupid, like touch his hand, when Val makes his presence known again. "Your shop is already the most popular in the district," he points out, not even a little ashamed for having listened to our conversation. "And besides, why don't you just look at the guy's name? Maybe you can look him up, see if he's alright or not."

Peeta gets a glint in his eye. "That's a good idea, Val, thank you." As he moves towards the register to, I can only suppose, look for the man's receipt with his name and signature, he gestures to his school friend. "Katniss can get your order."

I shoot him a glare, only half kidding. I did come to help out, here and there, today but I did not intend to be an actual expected employee. For free, no less.

Instead of saying anything though, I just grab Val his three cinnamon rolls, his two snack cakes, four bagels, white chocolate donut and a loaf with raisins and cranberries.

Val, like Delly Cartwright, was always one of the few people in Twelve who had a few pounds to spare.

Peeta has a type of friend.

"Found it," Peeta now calls, bringing over a slip of paper to where I'm handing Val his three bags of treats. "His name was Rod Catamaran."

Me and Val, for the first time perhaps, exchange a look between us. "That's an odd name for Twelve."

"I've never even heard that name before."

"He may not even be from Twelve, guys," Peeta says.

I roll my eyes. "Because a bombed out district is really a tourist attraction."

"Hey, none of that," Thom calls as he walks through the front door of the bakery, with Kanon Bagley on his heels. "We've rebuilt this place beautifully and negativity is not appreciated here."

"Yeah, Katniss," Peeta chimes in, teasing me. I'm about to kick him in his only real leg, as we're the only two behind the counter and no one else will see, when Kanon speaks up.

"Can I buy a couple of pastries?"

"Of course," Peeta says kindly, walking around me to personally grab the two items Kanon requests.

Kanon is new to Twelve. One of the few new additions this place gained after all that went down. He's a large man in his early twenties, with dark skin and dark hair and eyes to match. But the only times I've ever interacted with him, he's quiet as a mouse, his eyes a little forlorn at all times and he offers more discounts then he should at the candy shop he recently opened next to the bakery.

He's from District Eleven originally and it takes no real critical thinking to realize he had a hard life, even before the war.

I'm far too familiar with the look of scars etched across the eyes. So is Peeta.

That's why, when Kanon looks down at the money in his hand and realizes he doesn't have enough to afford both pastries, Peeta immediately brushes it off. "That's okay, they're on the house," he instantly promises, handing the small bag over to Kanon with a gentle smile.

"No, I don't want to take it without-"

"I made way too much," Peeta insists, lying outright to make it appear Kanon would be doing him a favor. I know he didn't make too much, because we've been flying through everything today and keeping the ovens hot in case more is needed.

Still though, I back up the fib. "He did. We've been wondering all day how we were gonna sell enough stuff so we don't have to feed the leftovers to Haymitch's geese."

Kanon glances between us shyly, before taking the bag from Peeta's hand and slipping the few dollars he does have into his pocket again. "Thank you," he says softly and turns to leave.

Thom pats Kanon on the back as he passes him, before turning to follow. When the other man isn't looking, he turns back to us subtly and mouths, "thank you."

I wanted to tell him not to thank me. I only watched Peeta make this food, I didn't assist by any stretch of the imagination. I didn't own the bakery or do anything with the money or finances. It was not my choice to give things away for free.

But I'm far too focused on the boy in front of me to say any of that. The boy with the bread, the boy who isn't really a boy anymore. The boy who just gave away food for no reward at all, even on the most demanding and strenuous day all year for his business. The boy who just showed Kanon Bagley the same kindness I begged someone-anyone-to show me at eleven-years-old and not one single person did.

Except for him. He did for me all those years ago what he did for Kanon just now, and I suddenly have the most inexplicable, irrepressible urge to kiss Peeta right then and there, in the middle of the bakery.

I don't, however, and it's for once not because I lost my courage. It's because the door swings open again, just as Val exits right behind Kanon and Thom.

It's the same man from earlier. "Hi," Peeta greets, this time not at all sweet. Clearly recognizing the man as the one who made me nervous before. "Can I help you?"

"Yes," the man affirms, his tone brighter than you'd expect given our chilly reception. And our blatant wariness for anyone new. "I forgot to get a pecan butter cake before?"

There is a beat where me and Peeta exchange a look, before I awkwardly move towards the display case and begin to pack up his item. Peeta waits for me to decide to help the man before starting to ring him up.

"That was a nice thing you both just did," the man says as he patiently watches me fold the white waxy paper over his pastry. "For that guy."

"You were watching?" Is the only thing that comes out of my mouth.

"Only for a moment," he explains, his tone still friendly. Either he doesn't know how to read people at all or he's the most even keeled person in Panem.

Because I know I'm being rude, to a man who maybe doesn't even deserve it, I force myself to say one thing conversational. "This is my mom's favorite dessert," I offer, gesturing to his cake.

The man raises his eyebrows in an act that looks almost feigned. "Really?"

I instantly regret trying to be even slightly pleasant. Even his mannerisms seem fake. I'm contemplating if I should say anything else or go hide in the back room with the warm ovens and my portrait, when Peeta presses a button and the register dings.

He's about to say the total when the strange man shakes his head and hands to me directly an unfamiliar bill over the display case. "Have a nice day, you two," he calls, grabbing his cake and swiftly walking out.

It's not until he's gone, not until I have a moment to process the second weird encounter with the odd person, that I even glance down at the crisp bill he handed me.

It's a bill with a larger number on the back than I've ever personally seen before. I knew these kinds of dollars existed—I'm sure I could have gotten plenty after my first games—but I'd never seen one in the flesh.

Peeta sees my reaction. "What is it?" His voice sounds alarmed and he's stepping closer to me, but all I can do is gasp out his name.

"Peeta, look." I hold up the bill and point to the number on the back.

His eyes widen too, taking in the amount with a dizzy smile. Of both relief that nothing's wrong and excitement at the digit.

"Do you think it was a mistake?" I ask suddenly, looking over my shoulder towards the window, wondering if we should track the man down and give him his money back, before he evaporates into thin air.

"No?" Peeta shakes his head, the wheels in his mind turning quicker than mine. His face turns to that of elation, as the large bill takes some pressure off the bakery's sales. "No, he said he saw us give Kanon a break. He was giving us something in return."

I'm about to say something else, I don't even know what, but it all flies out of my head when Peeta suddenly wraps his arms around my waist and swiftly pulls me into his embrace.

My entire body goes into lockdown and hypervigilance at the same time. I can't move an inch but it feels like every nerve in my body is abruptly tingling and on fire.

My sweater lifts up slightly and his bare arms graze my lower back, eliciting a shiver to run involuntarily down my spine as his face buries into my hair.

I wrap my arms around his neck after a beat when I can make myself move again, and I feel him smile against my skin. I'm so glad at that moment he's holding me up, because if he wasn't supporting my weight I'd probably crash to the floor, unable to even feel my legs beneath me.

And, as a rush of heat shoots out from the place where Peeta's lips brush my collarbone, I suddenly feel only gratitude, not irritation, at the strange Rod Catamaran.

//

Four days later.

The world surrounding me is green. Green and brown and fire-bitten and scorched. Every which way I spin, there's embers soaring from that direction too, waiting to lick me with their burning flames, ready to decimate me once and for all.

But through the smoke and haze, I still can see between the trees two blonde braids. I still can see a small figure standing on the other side of the fire. I still can see her shirt that's come untucked in the back, creating a duck tail that I desperately want to fix.

Just as I notice her, she whirls around to face me, her blue eyes big and bright and terrified. "Katniss!" She screams, the same way she did the last day she was alive. "Katniss, help! They're coming!"

I don't know who's coming or what's happening or where we even are, but all I feel is relief somehow. Relief that she's here, that I'm in her presence again, that she's almost within my reach. Instinctively I call out, "Prim!" Just so I can finally get a response to the name I've been shouting into oblivion for almost a year now.

"Katniss, help me!" She cries again and then looks over her shoulder. She's not talking about the fire between us, as it doesn't seem too intent on heading towards her.

I don't know what's coming or who she's afraid of, but my instincts now go into overdrive. My body suddenly snaps into alert and I whip my head around, to see if I can find an opening in the fire closing in on me, if I can find a way to get to the sister I lost what feels like only yesterday, if I can find a way to save her this time.

There's no gap in the fire though. It's crowded around me, front, back and side to side. The more seconds that pass by, the closer the fire folds into my proximity, and I have to brace myself before making a split-second decision.

But it's not really a decision at all. Prim needs me and I cannot fail her. I have to save her this time.

I take a bold step directly into the fire, with every intention of running through it somehow. Of running past the wild embers, scorching myself no doubt, but still making it over to my distressed, frightened little sister. But it doesn't work like I expect.

But really, does anything?

These flames are nothing like the fires I've encountered before. And I've been around more fire in my life than anyone ever should.

No, these flames don't burn me. They don't hurt me or put me through agony or singe me to pieces. They don't melt off my makeshift coat of skin and they don't further decimate it either.

Instead the fire feels like almost nothing. Like something almost itchy, something almost irritating, something almost painful. Something that make me want to squirm and scream and escape all at the same time.

Which is real ironic considering what else it seems these flames do.

They seem to hold me into place. The second I'm in their hold, instead of the horrific pain I thought I'd be in, I'm trapped in a series of almost nothing.

I'm not in excruciating pain physically, but seeing my sister standing ten feet from me, and not being able to move any closer, not being able to protect her from whatever she's terrified of, is worse than any amount of injury this fire could have inflicted.

"Katniss!" Prim screams now, her voice only growing in its frantic nature. "Help! Why won't you come help me?"

I try to scream, try to tell her I want to but I can't move. But it turns out that these flames also paralyze vocal muscles.

"Peeta's dying!" Prim yelps out, looking behind her again, her hands beginning to shake in a way she almost never let them in life. She always tried to keep it together, to remain calm and rational in a crisis.

Her words elicit something entirely new inside of me though. "Peeta?" I yell in confusion, my voice suddenly no longer paralyzed.

"They're killing him! Katniss, please, why won't you come here? We need you!" Prim is close to hysterical now and frankly, so am I.

"I'm trying! I just," I move my hands down my body, trying to push the flames away as they rises up to my chest, trying to just break free from these fiery chains once and for all. "The fire, Prim! I can't get out of the fire."

Prim's voice drops then, loses all source of fear, every ounce of panic. Loses any semblance of emotion. "Katniss, there is no fire," she states blankly, her eyes looking directly at the embers covering my stomach and legs. "There's nothing there."

I just look at her for a moment, completely speechless. Her words are inconceivable, her eyes are haunted now, her facial expression is unrecognizable. Even her voice doesn't sound like hers anymore.

Before I can comprehend what's happening, in the distance a gunshot goes off.

Prim delicately glances over her shoulder now, her blue eyes cold as ice. "He's dead," she informs clinically, before sighing deeply, her tone almost disappointed. "And so am I."

I don't know what happens next or how it occurs, but I fly upwards in my bed with such a start, I give myself whiplash.

I hear a loud screeching noise hanging in the air, a hoarse trepidation that almost makes me feel better. I don't know why but someone else screaming in the middle of the night gives me hope, as sick as that may be.

Only it's not someone else, I realize, as my throat burns raw. I realize with startling clarity that I'm the only making all the noise. I'm the one shaking so tremendously. I'm the one who is sobbing.

"Shhh," a voice whispers against the darkness, and I flail involuntarily at the shock. "Sorry, sorry," Peeta instantly apologizes, his hands gripping my arms with a little too much intensity, trying to still my shaking. "It's okay, Katniss, you were just having a nightmare."

His words do precious little to calm me down though. "She was there," I cry, the image, the feeling, of Prim standing only ten feet from me and not being able to reach her too painful for me to unsee.

"Who was there?" He asks tenderly, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. "Katniss, breathe."

I don't even bother listening to his advise. I haven't exhaled since I was eleven. "Prim was there. She was begging me to save her and then I couldn't, I was trapped but-but," I cut myself off, unable to form coherent words and thoughts any longer.

Peeta gets the gist though. "Come here," he whispers and pulls me into his arms, like he used to on the train, when my nightmares woke us both three times a night. "I'm so sorry, Katniss," he says softly now, and rubs my back in a way that elicits goosebumps. His way of trying to soothe my shaking. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"You died too," I blurt out then. I don't even know why I feel inclined to tell him.

"What?"

"I was stuck and I couldn't speak and then Prim said you were going to die and I got scared enough that I could talk again and I thought-I thought," I stumble breathlessly, my tears pouring out against his shoulder now.

I feel his lips touch my cheek and I'm too upset to revel in the feeling of blood rushing there. "It was just a nightmare," he promises.

But my sentiment is unfinished. "I thought I could break free, that I could-"

"Katniss," he halts, still holding me in his embrace, rocking me slightly. "It wasn't real. I promise you, it wasn't real."

Those words, the words so often said to him by me, ring a bell that I didn't want to ring. It snaps me back into reality abruptly and without warning, I feel like my chest is going to collapse.

Because this means Prim wasn't really there, that she still is as dead as she was yesterday, that I still watched her explode into pieces all over the bombsite in the Capitol.

I still failed to protect her.

Peeta pulls back slightly then and rests his forehead against mine. "It's okay, Katniss," he says again, trying to calm my trembles by rubbing my arms up and down.

"How are you in my house?" I realize, with an intense sudden clarity. "How are you here? Are you real or am I still-"

He quickly puts me out of my misery. "You gave me a key, remember? A long time ago? We gave each other keys to our houses."

Oh. Right. I forgot all about that when he had his nightmare, didn't I?

Good thing he's an idiot who keeps his door unlocked at night.

He's explaining further before I can think to ask. "I heard you having a nightmare from my house. That's why I rushed over here."

I'm caught between embarrassment and gratitude. "Sorry, I really don't know what brought it on."

"Hey," he quietly reprimands, lifting my chin now to meet eye contact. "Don't apologize. No one understands nightmares like me."

I nod, accepting his words, though still a little uncomfortable with screaming for all the district to hear at two in the morning.

Then again, our entire neighborhood is Haymitch and the two of us, and our mentor was drinking like a fish last night so really, the only person who could have heard me is already sitting directly in my eye line.

To punctuate his words, when I don't respond verbally, he lifts my hand up and brings it to his lips tenderly.

And I don't know what comes over me or why. I don't know if it's because we've been growing closer again lately or if I just haven't felt his arms around me since days ago in the bakery and I miss the feel of it desperately, but I find myself abruptly throwing my body around his before I can talk myself out of it.

He catches me easily, like he anticipated my reaction and sways me for a long moment, until my breathing begins to even itself out.

"Will you stay?" I rasp into his neck, as I feel his hand tangles in my matted locks.

"Always."

#everlark #thg #the hunger games #everlark fic #fanfic #prompt #everlark fanfic #fanfiction #growing back together #userreese #i think thats what you meant when you said to tag you???? #gravity ♥️ 🌅 🥖

[kuronanox]

Recovering - Fuegoleon Vermillion

"She's very sick right now." Owen tells Fuegoleon as the crimson lion captain sat down next to (Your Name) holding her hand. "With some rest and not much activities she will heal slowly."

"I see, thank you." Fuegoleon tells Owen as he left the two to talk.

"I'm sorry, I've been so weak." (Your Name) quietly says giving a painful smile.

"Stop being sorry, it doesn't matter if you are weak or strong. I will protect you." He tells her wiping the sweat from her forehead. She shakes her head and grab both his hands into her small ones.

"You should remarry."

Fuegoleon eyes widen, it was unexpected of her to say such a thing to him. "What are you going on about?"

There was silence in the room as (Your Name) started to cough harshly, the red blood falling onto the sheets. Fuegoleon was already up from his seat and holding her body. He rubbed her back and offered a cold glass of water.

"Let me go get Owen."

She grabbed his arm and shook her head. "It's fine, I just need to rest."

He sighed, he knew she was so stubborn.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn, even on your death bed?"

"This isn't my death bed, I'm just sick." (Your Name) argued. Fuegoleon rolled his eyes and fixed her bed sheets. "I have to go. Captain duties."

She nodded her head as he softly kissed her forehead . "Goodbye, I'll come home soon." She promised him, Fuegoleon looked back and gave her a small smile.

The following weeks passed and she was recovering slowly. There was definitely process, she no longer was coughing blood and was able to walk around without fainting. Fuegoleon didn't visit much because of work duties but Leopold would come.

"How's everything?" She asked the younger boy.

Leopold was so full of life, him and Fuegoleon were definitely opposites when it came to personalities. "AMAZING! Aniue has been training me personally!"

(Your Name) smiles, he was amazing with children.

"Sometime I feel helpless, sometimes I feel like I've failed Fuegoleon." She tells Leopold as the younger child tilted his head.

"What do you mean? Aniue loves you!" His face a little redden out of irritation. Leopold knew, there was a age gap between the two but that doesn't mean he didn't know anything.

He remember when (Your Name) and Fuegoleon were younger, about their early twenties. She use to pester him all the time, it was a one sided love at first.

When Leopold was about 7 he would see (Your Name) around the house following Fuegoleon. She was like a parasite stuck onto him. Often times he would find his brother pushing her away or calling her a nuisance because he was all about training and becoming the next captain.

"How did Aniue fall in love with you?" Leopold asked, curious on their relationship.

(Your Name) smiled and looked out the window.

"I guess time? I don't actually know. After I stopped pestering him Fuegoleon started bothering me. I guess you can say a switch flipped off."

Leopold giggled he couldn't see his older brother bothering a girl because he was always so serious. "I think brother hit the jackpot, (Your Name) older sister is pretty." He cheers her up by jumping in the air as if he won a race.

"Oh! I have to go now! Training with aniue! He's going to be upset if I'm late!" Leopold shouts giving her a kiss on the cheek before running off. (Your Name) eyes widen as she slightly smirked. "You really are growing up now."

Fuegoleon watched his squad members as they practiced their magic but his mind wasn't paying attention. His thoughts were about (Your Name) he missed her next to him everyday.

Every morning he woke up it was alone and every night he went to bed it was alone. The bed sheets weren't nearly as warm as he wanted it to be.

Fuegoleon sighed as he clocked back into reality when his men asked what they needed to do next. "Everyone good job today, get some rest."

Leopold ran to his brother and walked beside him. "Are you going to see (Your Name) tonight?"

"Tomorrow morning I have some papers to do." He flatly states as Leopold pouts, Fuegoleon was acting a little down.

"Aniue? Why is (Your Name) older sister always sick?"

Fuegoleon stops walking and sighs, this was a topic he never liked talking about. Not even to Mereoleona. He felt like he failed (Your Name) that day and onward.

"She had a miscarriage 3 years ago, we didn't tell anyone she was pregnant because she wasn't showing yet. Because of that her captain sent her onto a dangerous mission. I told her multiple times to give it to someone else but she refused."

Fuegoleon paused to catch his breath as Leopold tried to soak in the information without asking to many question.

"(Your Name) and her team called for back up and I rushed to the area, by the time I arrived half the team was dead and she was unconscious with a wound on her stomach."

Fuegoleon quickly turns his back onto Leopold, he didn't want to show his younger brother that he regretted not stopping her that day.

"Ever since that day, she stopped taking care of her health and because of her wounds were so deep she will never fully recover. I failed her that day and everyday since."

Without saying anything else Fuegoleon bid his farewell and walked to his chamber. This was a big step for him. No one ever asked him what happened to (Your Name) after. They just assumed she was just sick a lot.

(Your Name) was harshly awaken by loud screaming coming out from the building. The Clover kingdom was set ablaze, before she could run and aide Owen stopped her, but she argued with him that it's also her duty to help the kingdom.

"Trust the magic knights." He told her and she angrily laid back in bed. "I wonder what is happening."

Laying back down she looked out the window, the fire wasn't comforting like Fuegoleon, it was menacing looking.

(Your Name) started to see the flames die down after a few hours. "Looks like they settled everything."

Footsteps outside her door were rushing around, she couldn't tell what was going on but the medics were probably helping the wounded.

It wasn't until Leopold slammed her door open and he was sweating, his face full of panic. "Aniue!" He yells out of breath as she rushed out of bed and followed him.

She ran towards the bed she found Fuegoleon on, he was unconscious and his arm was gone. "How-?" She stops and covered her mouth as the tears chocked out.

Julius was there as he patted her head and took a seat beside Fuegoleon. "He did his best." He continued by handing her Fuegoleon grimoire. She gasped.

His grimoire was half gone. "He could have died and I was laying in bed the whole time."

Julius let her onto good news. "He's fine now, the only downside is when he will wake up."

(Your Name) and Leopold sat close together for comfort. "I'm calling Mereoleona to take over for now."

The following weeks were hard for her, Leopold and the squad members. There was a lot of adjustments that were made.

(Your Name) was finally back home and the good thing was that she could watch over Fuegoleon.

"I feel like our roles have reversed." She sadly smiled as a knock made her look up.

Mereoleona walked in the room with a look of disappointment in her face. "Looks like we have some guys that need to be put in their place, Fuegoleon is first."

(Your Name) just chuckles as Mereoleona cross her arms. "Whoever did this to him definitely was strong, we are a facing an huge enemy right now." (Your Name) hummed in response and grip Fuegoleon hand tightly.

Mereoleona stared at the two and recalled when they both started dating, she had never seen her little brother head over heels for nobody. "You should take care of yourself more... holding onto the past won't help the future." Mereoleona told her little sister in law.

(Your Name) smile lightly as she caresses the back of her beloved hand. "I know, I never blamed him for being late that day. It was just fate telling us we weren't ready."

"Then don't blame yourself for not being able to help him today. He wouldn't be to happy to see you in distress especially since you are sick."

(Your Name) looks down ashamed of her actions the past few years, of course she knew she was unhealthy. After losing the baby and getting a heavy wound that would never fully recover she fell into depression and started to punish herself. She blamed herself for letting her child and teammate down that day.

"I-" She paused and swallowed before speaking again "I told him to remarry."

Mereoleona roughly hits her head and yell. "BAKA! Don't take his love for you lightly!"

"YA!" (Your Name) screams and threw a hit back. "I know, I just don't want him to be stressed out anymore."

"Like I said, don't take his love for granted."

Leopold then walked into the room, he was smiling. "YEAH! Aniue love for you is bigger than this world and so is ours to yours, I know you are sick but we all know you use to be a strong magic knight before!"

(Your Name) grew flushed and chuckled, she lost a baby but right know she was surrounded with her family.  

She didn't know how long she waited for him but (Your Name) decided it was time to recover and get healthy again. She trained endlessly day and night, toning her body and magic again. She felt a sense of relief being able to be out of bed and fight again.

(Your Name) heard news that Leopold was trying to protect the people in the squad as their vice captain had been taken over by a elf. "Please let me make it to him on time. I can't lose anybody else."

Leopold was on the floor, he needed to get up, he was going to be the captain one day but his body wouldn't move. "Leopold!" She yells reaching out to him as a orange flame engulfed them from behind.

"You did well (Your Name), Leo." Fuegoleon deep voice flows out as she sees him walk out. A feeling of burden had been lifted off her chest. Of course he was there to save them when they needed him the most.

"What took so long stupid?" she lightly punches his side as he lovingly gives her a sincere smile.

"Don't worry, I made it on time." Fuegoleon reassured her as she sees a salamander next to him. "I see you picked up a new friend along the way."

He chuckled "It's a long story but we will have time later once the kingdom is back in safe hands." Fuegoleon pauses and gives a good look at her. The color was back on her face, and she gained a few pounds.

"It's good to have you back my love."

"I can say the same for you mister, looks like both of us bedridden doesn't sit well."

Leopold pushes himself in the middle. "HELLO! AN ELF IS ABOUT TO KILL US! SAVE THE HAPPY REUNION FOR LATER!"

"Ya Leo, let us adult handle the situation." She smirked as Fuegoleon and her both throw a powerful blow. "Yes, Leo don't take us for granted. We've handled worse enemies together."

Leopold just throws a baby tantrum and smiles after, he was really glad they were both back.

"(Your Name) let's go." Fuegoleon says taking her hand as she gladly accepts.

"For now, we both are broken somehow in some form but we will continue to grow together."

#black clover imagine #black clover x reader #blackclover #black clover #black clover oneshots #fuegoleon #fuegoleon vermillion #leopold vermillion #mereoleona vermillion #yuki tabata #black clover headcanons

[xhannahbananax03]

Meeting Him

Summary: Dean Winchester arrives in a small town to accompany his best friend, Jake to a high school graduation. He meets Jake’s cousin and instantly takes a liking to her. But when the girls ex boyfriend shows up, things take a turn.

Words: 2.2k

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, slight angst, jealousy, mentions of sexual acts

A/N: This was my first fic ever, so be gentle.

MASTERLIST

It was like any other day.  Get up, get ready for school,  eat breakfast,  and get on the bus.  The only difference of today,  was this was the day your cousin, Jake,  was coming home. 

You and Jake have always been best friends,  you grew up together.  He was 2 years older than you,  but that didn't matter.  You two were always together.  You'd wake up every morning and go straight over to his house,  which wasn't hard because he lived right next door to you.  You both shared so many adventures,  and special moments together.  Like the day his little sister was born.  After Kayla was born you and Jake would always play with her,  whether it be dress up,  or playing in the sandbox.  You couldn't do to much with her though,  considering she was 4 years younger than you,  and 6 years younger than Jake.

  Everything was perfect,  that was until Jake went to high school and you stayed in the junior high.  It wasn't so bad though,  right?  You and Jake still lived so close,  you could still hang out whenever,  right?  Wrong.  Jake started making new friends,  and girlfriends...  It shouldn't have bothered you as much as it had,  but you still got jealous,  when he would say you couldn't come over because Madison,  his girlfriend,  was over,  or because his other friends were over.  It upset you,  and hurt you.  So instead of being in pain,  you decided to distance yourself from Jake. Not asking to come over so much,  going to other people's houses.  It was getting easy to not think about Jake so much.  You made a lot of new friends,  and grew to love them over the two years of junior high. Jake was still pretty happy,  though he missed you too,  but both of you were branching out from each other,  that is until your first year of high school,  he was starting his third year,  him and Madison had already broken up, but he was moving.   Him and his family were moving to Kansas.  Jakes dad got a special,  one time,  job offer that he couldn't turn down.  And you couldn't blame him.  Jake told you that once he gets out of high school he's going to start working with his dad. But he would call and text you whenever he could,  and he would visit as soon as possible. 

So here you were,  getting ready for school.  You only had a couple days left,  and Jake had already graduated,  so he was coming home for the first month of summer.  What you didn't know was he was bringing his best friend. "(y/n),  sweetheart,  breakfast is ready! " Your mom shouted from the bottom of the stairs.  "Ok mom,  give me 5! " You shouted back.   You were standing in front of your closet looking at two outfits you had prepared,  it wasn't to terribly hot,  but it wasn't cold either.  So you decided to go with,

     You did a simple natural make up look,  and lightly curled your (h/l),  (h/c)  hair to give it a beach wave effect. As you came downstairs you got a text, from Jake.

Jake:  Hey (y/nn),  so I know you hate surprises,  but I'm bringing one home with me.  So try not to look like a piece of trash!

You:  Geez,  thanks Jake.  I will try my best not to look like garbage!

Jake:  Thank you,  Madame.

You:  lol,  ❤ you Jake!  Can't wait to see you.  I have some fun stuff planned!

Jake:  ❤ you too, and so do I!  😈

After texting you noticed the time,  "Crap! " You booked it down the stairs,  grabbed your bag,  and a piece of toast.  After shoveling the toast into your mouth you ran outside only to see the bus drive past your house.  "Fuck... " Man you wished you had a car right about now.

~Time Skip to Last Period of the Day~

School went OK today,  you went through all your classes without,  trouble,  hung out with your friends,  which was difficult,  because the kept looking out for this guy in a, "shiny black car ". So they didn't pay much attention to you,  but you were entertained hearing them gawk over this,  " Beautiful mystery man". At one point your best friend,  started talking about what her first date with him would be like,  which had you doubling over in laughter.  

The end of the last period came,  and you couldn't wait to be out of there,  Jake texted you during lunch saying he was picking you up after school and taking you out to eat at the diner,  that was basically your second home.  You were so excited that you were focusing on the clock and only the clock, bouncing you knee up and down.  It got to a point where your friend reached over and placed her hand on your knee. 

"(y/n),  are you alright? " Your friend Sarah asked you,  you just nodded while keeping your eyes on the clock,  "what has you so anxious today? " She asked you trying to look you in the eyes.

. "Jake is coming home today. " You said completely ignoring her face,  but you were able to see a slight blush creep up her face. She had always had a thing for Jake,  but was too scared to tell him.  Right then the bell rung,  and you were up out of your seat before anyone else. 

Grabbing your things you made your way to your locker,  Jake new what your locker number was so when you didn't see him standing there,  you were slightly disappointed.  "Maybe he's just running late"  You thought to yourself.  As you were putting your stuff in your locker,  you grabbed your bag,  and when you closed your locker door,  he was standing right there.  You were so happy you could barely contain it,  you squealed and dropped your bag,  before literally jumping into his arms,  it wasn't an easy task considering he was considerably taller then you,  but you managed.  He held onto you tight and spun you around making you giggle,  once he sat you down, you both smiled at each other,  before he had to go and ruin the moment,  "I got to hand it to you,  (y/n),  you've gotten a lot prettier,  and you don't look like trash! " This made you widen your eyes in mock hurt,  before slugging him in his arm.  Before he had time to grab you,  you were running out of the door,  the one downside,  was you didn't know what car was his,  so you had no where to go.  Before you had time to even turn around he was there and punched you,  actually pretty hard,  well hard enough to knock you on your butt. 

He felt a little bad so he helped you up,  mumbling something about how much that hurt,  you took his hand and stood up.  "Thanks Jake,  now my pants are all dirty. " You said following him to a car.

  "Aww your welcome! " He said enthusiastically. 

Out in the parking lot you could see this beautiful Chevy Impala. "Jake is that your car? " You asked pointing towards your dream car.  "Hmm?  Oh,  that's actually part of the surprise. " You could see a tall man standing at the drivers side door,  talking to the most popular girl in school,  Megan. 

  Megan was a perky blonde.  She was curvy,  but still really skinny, she was so bubbly but still such a bully,  to anyone who she didn't like,  including you.  And she didn't like you because when you came to the high school,  you became one of the most liked girls there,  and not just by guys but by everyone,  because you were sweet,  and caring,  and everyone felt like they could trust you.  Megan was one year ahead of you,  because she skipped a grade.  But you firmly believe that's because she took some,  "extra credit ". And it wasn't just you who thought that,  but that's the kind of girl she is.

  Jake stopped you from walking because he could tell something was wrong,  " Hey you ok? " He asked stepping in front of you,  looking down at you,  you look up and smiled slightly,  "yeah,  but anyways,  who's that guy? " You asked pointing to the guy who was now being pinned to his car by Megan,  it was such a sight to see,  it made you shutter,  Jake saw this and looked over to him,  chuckling a bit,  "always a ladies man, " He chuckled,  "That's dean,  my best friend,  the one i'm always talking about. "

"Oh." Was all you could say, Dean was way more attractive than you thought he'd be, he was probably the one all the girls were talking about,  "Yeah,  he was a hit with the ladies today. " You said starting to walk towards the car again. "Was he a hit with you? " Jake asked surprising you a bit,  "Not particularly. No" You said still walking now a little ahead Jake. 

Finally you reached the car.  And when Megan saw you she gave you a look of pure disgust,  before moving her eyes onto Jake,  she always did have a thing for older guys,  "Hi Jake... " She said biting her lip,  trying to act sexy.   "Hey Megan,  how are you? " Jake never really liked Megan either,  I mean he thought she was hot,  who didn't.  But he just hated her personality,  and the way she treated you.  

"I'm fine,  but would be a lot better if I was in the back of his car tight now. " She giggled,  looking at Dean with predatory eyes,  which for some reason made you jealous,  maybe it was just the fact that she always got what she wanted,  and you did not want have to walk to the diner right now.  Dean looked at Jake with a bit of shock,  but you weren't shocked at all. 

"So,  (y/n),  what are you doing here? " She asked moving her eyes to you,  she was taller than you,  and it wasn't because she was tall,  it was because you were short,  you were probably the shortest girl in the school,  and Megan always wore these high heels. 

"Did you forget that Jakes my cousin? " You asked raising an eyebrow at her.  She just scoffed while rolling her eyes,  "No,  I didn't forget,  I mean what are you doing here,  " She said while pointing to the ground,  "by this car? " "Well if I'm not mistaken,  this is my ride,  right Jake? " You looked to Jake, and so did everyone else,  waiting for an answer,  once he nodded.  You looked back to Megan. She just scoffed before whispering something to Dean before walking off smirking.  He looked a little dazed,  and a bit shocked.  Jake finally cleared his throat also clearing the silence,  that's when Dean really noticed you were there,  which made you a little upset, but whatever.  Reaching out his hand,  he finally spoke,  "oh,  you must be (y/n).  Hi I'm Dean. " You reached for his hand,  and shook it.  Once he realised that he had been holding you hand for a bit too long,  and staring at you,  he retracted before opening the back door for you to get in,  noticing a slight blush on his neck you giggled a little before getting into the beautiful car,  noticing the wonderful leather interior,  running you hands across the seat,  you smiled.  Once you looked up,  you saw Dean was staring at you though the rear view mirror,  you looked down from his intense gaze, blushing.  

"Do you like her?  She's beautiful isn't she? "He asked starting up the car,  which cause a low rumbling feeling through the your whole body.  " Like her?  It's my dream car,  this exact model and everything! " You said a bit excited which made him chuckle a bit.  Jake was just enjoying that fact that he two best friends were getting along.  Once Dean started driving you saw how well he handled the car,  before he left,  you'd definitely have to see if you could drive this car.   "Do you mind if I turn on some music? " He asked looking at you while reaching for a box full of cassettes.  "Not at all, go for it. " You told him smiling hoping he had a somewhat similar music taste to yours.  He then handed you the box full of tapes before saying,  "choose one. " Which for some reason surprised Jake,  but you just shrugged it off.  

Once you saw the tapes you become even more happy,  if that's possible.  He had the same music taste as you!  You were really starting to like this Dean guy. Grabbing an AC DC tape and handing it to him,  you saw his smile grow wider,  "You've got good taste." He said,  which made you smile even more. He popped the tape in before turning up up the volume,  and blasting AC DC through the speakers.  This was going to be fun!

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural au #dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #jensen ackles #jensen and jared #sam winchester #sam winchester x y/n #sam winchester x you #jared paladecki #ofc #original writing #original fiction #romance #high school #high school romance #angst #fluff #spn #spn fluff #supernatural fluff #spn angst #supernatural angst

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 13

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

Quiet. Sofia was been awfully quiet for the those two days, Chris had tried to contact her even had gone to her place before he went back to LA. she was nowhere to be found and had purposefully left her phone back at her place.

"What happened?" Mandy asked and Chris just felt guilty.

"I cornered her to tell me shit, you know Sofia."

"Ah, shit," Amanda said as she was holding Sofia's phone. She could see all the missed calls from Chris. "Just, give her some time man. She needs time to cool off."

"Yeah, I guess." He sighed and sat down on the couch. "You know where she might be?"

"Not really, she's like my sister but when she's like this, she likes to be left alone. She'll come around,"

"I'm just worried," Chris tell her.

"I know," Mandy sat down beside her.

"Well keep an eye on her, bro. Don't worry," Luke said putting a hand on his shoulder. Amanda had to ask because this was her sister.

"You serious about her?" She asked, "because she had been having serious doubts about it, not going to explain the whole thing because that's between you two. But, I need you to be super honest with me because she's my family and I can let you use her."

"Yeah, Mandy," He said looking down at his hands. "I'm falling in love with her, fuck. I think I'm already in love with her," His eyes gloss over. "I don't want to hurt her but she keeps pushing me away. "

"Loving Sofia is tough, she's worth it because her heart is made of fucking gold."

"Yeah, I know," Chris explained and Mandy wraps one arm around his and laid her head on his shoulder, comforting him. "I feel like she doesn't trust me enough or don't feel safe enough and fucking breaks my heart. I wanna be there for her and she doesn't let me." Chris put a hand on his face, he was feeling useless, rejected, and heartbroken.

"Yeah, that's her, not letting people in all the way… but she cares about you, a lot. Because I know her like the back of my hand." Amanda said rubbing his back and Chris sniffle nodding. "All that I can say is that just give her some time, let her process it for a while. Just keep reaching out to her, let her know what you just said to me," Chris nod and took it to heart.

She did reach out eventually, four days later with a text.

Hey, Chris… I'm sorry I lash out. I don't wanna be trouble for you and I'm most definitely not worth it, I don't wanna slow you down with my bullshit. Just, I'm sorry. Take care, sweet face.

Sof, can I call you?

I don't wanna talk, Chris. I'm giving you a way out men, no hard feelings but it's better if we are friends, if you're cool with it.

Chris was between filming and was about to be called to set. "Fuck, fuck." He muttered and quickly typed on his phone.

I'm about to head to set but, please. Please let me call you after, I can't end this like this.

It's better this way, good luck with filming.

There was a knock in his trailer and he had to leave," Fuck. "

~~~

It's been two whole months, Sofia was been quiet about the whole thing. She was excited for Mandy's baby, her engagement, and the cookout with all their families at Amanda home. Everything was going so well around her, that sometimes she couldn't keep up and had been isolated herself.

In those moments she was sitting on the couch looking at everything is when it hit her, hard. How much she missed Chris. His company, his stupid jokes unknowingly help her out when this happened.

"Why the face? my sweet girl." Amanda's mom, Alice, sat down beside her and she just smiles.

"I'm just looking at everything, I'm so happy ma," Sofia said holding down her tears, forcing out a smile but Alice saw through her.

"I know there's a lot of changes coming up, I know this affects you," She said and Sofia broke down. "we always love you, Sofia. You're like my daughter, the only one that's always been here firm by our side,"

"I know, ma. And I thank you for this, you and Tony helped me change my life around. I'm gonna be forever grateful with you for that, it's just hard sometimes." She sobbed and quickly wipe her tears.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," She wraps and around her and hold her close. "I know that you let go of someone important too,"

"Ma, come on," She sniffles. "It's better that way, too much trouble. Look at me, I'm crying because my best friend it's finally forming a beautiful family and I'm scared to be left out, I mean who does that?" She shrugged and bite her lip. "I'm a mess, Chris doesn't need that."

"If he's men enough he's going to love you through all this, you're not a mess. You're a brilliant woman, don't sell yourself short." Alice wipes the tears from her face. "And nobody it's leaving you out. We are your family,"

Sofía managed to smile.

"Thank you, ma."

~~~

"Hey, thanks for inviting me here tonight, I really needed this," Sofia said holding out her drink as he smiles at Scott, who had invited her along with his friends gay night out. "I haven't been too much invested in the community and everyone I know is straight," She laughed.

"Tell me about it, the only gay kid on the family. I got you, honey. We are so going to hang out more every time I'm here," Scott said and she smiles.

Scott, it's a great and welcome addition to Sofia little tight circle of friends, downside it's that all she was thinking is Chris, Chris, and Chris.

" You can ask, I know you're dying to ask me about it. " She said after a while and Scott almost fell over his chair and she was laughing her ass off.

"Okay so, you broke my brother's heart," Scott said nonchalantly

"What?" Sofia almost chokes on her drink.

"Witch it's been a while, like a whole decade since someone does that, and I know you're super rad. And I can see why he's all over that," He said panning out her with his hand. "why he's in love with you."

"What!?" Sofia felt her stomach twist in knots as Scott talked about that. Fuck, in love? "What the fuck? is he insane? all the girls and he—ugh, he's an idiot."

"Yeah, probably," Scott laughed. "Come on, you're a pretty charming girl, independent, actually don't give a shit about who he is, you love Chris, the Boston idiot Chris not the Hollywood Chris, you see him for who he is—

"Yeah, an idiot. He's in love with me? Jesus Christ."

"And that way he loves you, you're the first woman ever, since weirdo Jessica Biel,"

"I read she's an anti-baxxer?"

"I know right, fucking dodge a bullet there. Besides her being a cheater—

" Did she cheat on my boy Chris? "

" With fucking Justin Timberlake. "

" Ew, "

" Totally, anyways, " He waves a handoff and looked at her." You two need to talk."

" We did, I told him that it was better this way, which it is. Because as you can see I am a mess walking. I was falling for him, pretty hard and fast… "

" Well, he had been in love with you quite a while, my mother loves you by the way and so my sisters,"

" He speaks about me? "

" All the time, when those pictures of you and him leak out he was freaking out, worried about you and your privacy but you keep saying that it was okay, "

"Because it is, Scott. At first, it was a little overwhelmed, people mostly said nice things and people gonna hate. Chris is totally worth whatever they're gonna say. " Sofia explained and drank the rest of her beer. " I don't care, let them talk."

"Girl, you care about him," Scott said and lean on her making her laugh. "You two made me sad,"

"It's me, I swear it's me," Sofia said groaning and flank the bartender. "I'm the stupid one, fuck." She ordered them a couple of shots. "I fucked up, but he deserves better than my stupid ass."

"Hey, I don't know you that well," Scott said and she looked at him. "but I like you, I do think you're good for my brother. You two just need to work it up,"

"It's not that easy," Sofia said downing the shots on one go.

~~~~

I'm sad now

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#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x latina! #chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans fluff #chris evans x ofc #chris evans x reader #Chris Evans x brown reader #chris evans x original female character #Chris Evans angst