#at least till I’ve had a chance to talk to some friends for perspective and think some things out and make some decisions

[themechaneer]

🔧

#‟ i am but a sensitive pillar of salt ” || ooc #so consider me on a semi hiatus?? sort of??? #I’m not gonna be acting or doing much of anything that I haven’t already been but I will probably be a bit quieter than normal for a bit #at least till I’ve had a chance to talk to some friends for perspective and think some things out and make some decisions #that will ultimately effect Joel how I write him and probably the future of this blog #i do wanna say some of this is stuff I’ve been thinking about since Joel’s conception 2 years ago #but some of it has been influenced by stuff I’ve been witness to recently and the behavior of others both good and bad #to that end I’m not upset at anyone no one who follows me here or who I talk to regularly should feel worried they’ve done something wrong #i promise you YOU HAVENT. really no one has done anything WRONG exactly it’s more like I’ve realized i maybe don’t vibe as well with #certain things and behaviors or tolerate them as well as I used to think I did/could #also I might just be getting old and grouchy and therefore way more selective with who I have patience for and want to interact with #anyways—— I’ll definitely make a proper post later to explain things a bit better once I’ve talked to people and had time to consider some #stuff and make those decisions I was speaking about. regardless though I wanted to give a heads up and say that some changes are on the way #mostly minor in the grand scheme of things but still significant in others 💚 #also *blows kisses and gives you all garlic bread* I hope every single one of you is having a fantastic timezone #i love you all and your patience with my nonsense means the world to me 🥺🥰💚

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

[tacticaldiary]

Hi! Can I request for Osamu.. maybe angst to fluff type? Surprise me ❤ thank you sm!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here ya go! @asdfghjkl7things

Quality Time

Pairing: Reader x Osamu Miya

A relationship requires one to see both perspectives, and a lack of communication inevitably leads to arguments. Osamu learns this the hard way.

--------------------------------------------------------------

“For the fifth time, I’m busy.”

“You were the one who asked me to come over!” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be this much of a distraction.” Osamu turns the page of his textbook over, pausing to jot down something into his notebook.

Huffing, Y/N gets up from her chair at the table next to him and goes over to the couch, flopping down on it. She just wanted to spend some time with her boyfriend, after he called her over to ‘hang out’. It wasn’t fair. Blowing a stray strand of hair from her face, she starts scrolling through her phone boredly, occasionally glancing back at Osamu, who was engrossed as ever in his textbook. 

A few minutes pass in silence, before her phone is plucked out of her hand. Frowning, she sits up and is met with the grinning face of Atsumu. 

“Whatcha doing?” he smirks, rolling his eyes when Y/N lays back down. 

“Sulking.”

“I don’t blame you, having to deal with ‘Samu all the time.” he teases, starting to scroll through her feed. 

Y/N didn’t mind. Over the past two years of dating Osamu, she had grown close with his slightly-more annoying brother. It was inevitable, really. She had nothing to hide either, so she wasn’t worried. It was the loss of her distraction that bothered her. Peeking her head over the back of the couch, she spots Osamu, still reading, but now munching on a couple of pretzel sticks. He seemed completely engrossed in the material. 

Atsumu drops Y/N’s phone, opting to check his own instead. Grinning at the recent notification, he looks up at her. Seeing her look at his brother that longingly made him feel a twinge of annoyance towards his twin. 

“Alright, you’re done moping around.” He stands suddenly and stretches his arms over his head. After a few satisfying pops, he grabs Y/N’s hand and yanks her off the couch, snickering when she loses her balance and falls to the ground instead. “Whoops.”

“Asshole.” she groans rubbing the back of her head, before standing up. “What are you talking about.”

“You, Aran and I are going out.” he pulls on his jacket and throws Y/N’s at her. She pulls it on, glancing back at Osamu, who hadn’t even looked up. She felt a little annoyed at that. He was the one who invited her over, refused to pay attention to her, and didn’t care if she left. She nods at Atsumu and grabs her things.

She had come to have fun, and that’s exactly what she was going to do, with or without her boyfriend. 

Grinning at her agreeing, he pulls her towards the front door. “Oi, ‘Samu, I’m stealing your girlfriend. Have fun being lonely”

“Shut up.” he retorts, almost automatically. He doesn’t even glance up, too focused on his work. 

Osamu only looks up when he hears the door close, frowning a little. He doesn't make a move to go see what was happening, opting to focus on his assignment instead. He just wanted to finish it quickly, so he could spend time with Y/N, but it was taking longer than he expected. 

Laughing over Atsumu and Aran’s mindless bickering, with Aran mostly ignoring the twin, Y/N walks in between the two, caught in the line of fire, a shopping bag in hand. The three had spent the day at the shopping centre, even catching the latest action movie she had planned on watching soon. It was fun, to say the least, the two expertly distracting her from her sulky mood, but Y/N couldn’t help but miss Osamu, the person she really wanted to spend time with. 

After saying goodbye to Aran, the two headed towards the twins' house, Y/N wanting to have a chance to say goodnight to Osamu at least once. As they approach the door and Atsumu rummages for the keys, Y/N speaks. 

“Thanks for today.” she smiles genuinely.

“What would you do without me, honestly?” he smirks back, opening the door.

“Life would probably be much easier.”

“It’d be boring. You’d be bored to death without me, face it.”

Y/N is saved from responding when they spot a very frustrated Osamu on the couch. When he sees them enter, he stands quickly. “Where the hell were you? Are you alright?” he walks over to Y/N and scans her up and down. Upon finding her unharmed, he crosses his arm, waiting for an answer. 

“I’m fine, thanks for asking.” Atsumu calls over his shoulder snarkily, moving to go up the stairs to put a few things away. His brother was clearly talking to Y/N.

“I was out with Atsumu and Aran? He told you.” she nods towards the stairs.

“No, he didn’t. I’ve been worried sick. I look away for a few seconds and you’re gone! And you won’t answer any of my calls or texts!”

Taking out her phone from her pocket, she finds that he did, indeed text and call her multiple times. “I must have forgotten to put my phone off silent after the movie.” she frowns and looks up at him, cursing the height difference. “And a few seconds? I thought you didn’t want to spend time with me. You were clearly ignoring me.”

“I was trying to finish my assignment so I could get back to you. Honestly, how hard is it to check your damn phone? You’re always on it, anyway.” he says, still very much angry.

Y/N never really saw this side of him much, given that Osamu was a pretty chill guy, much calmer than his brother, and it took a lot to rile him up like this.

“I wouldn’t have had to put my phone on silent if you just spent time with me like you said you would.” Y/N shoots back. She wasn’t at fault and he wasn’t justified to be mad at her.

“If you would have waited 10 minutes-” He clenches his jaw.

“I waited for two hours! Two whole hours that you called me over for, only to spend ignoring me.”

“I would’ve gotten done way sooner if you weren’t breathing down my neck the whole time.” he spits out, pissed. How the hell was this his fault? He was doing his best. “If you weren’t so goddamn clingy and desperate for attention all the time!”

His words stung, but she didn’t back down. “I'm not-...I left you alone, didn’t I? It’s not like you noticed till about two more hours later.” She shows him her call log. He had started calling after they had finished the movie, so about two and a half hours after Y/N had left. 

“To spend the day we were supposed to have together with my brother?”

“Bullshit! I’m not the bad guy here! I came over just like you asked, only to be brushed off so excuse me if I actually decided to have fun with my friends instead of wasting my time with you!” She yells harshly. 

A beat of silence that stretches on for a bit too long.

“Why don’t you go back to him then?” His voice is much quieter, somehow more heart-breaking than it would’ve been if he was yelling. “Since he obviously knows how to make you happy and since I’m just a waste of time.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it-” He cuts her off with a scoff, running a hand through his dyed hair. 

She didn’t mean to have it go this way. Taking a step towards him, she grasps his arm. “Hey...you’re not...I didn’t-...” she struggles for second. They rarely ever fought, so this was a fairly new situation for her. He’s not facing her, so she shifts to stand in front of him. Osamu, after a few good seconds, shifts his gaze down towards her, staring at her coldly. Y/N can tell he was a hurt, even if he didn’t show it much.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” She says, taking a deep breath. “I don’t like arguing, but you’re not seeing things from my perspective.” She frowns little, feeling encouraged when he says nothing. “I came over, specifically because you asked me too, and you spent the whole time not saying a word to me.”

Taking the information in now that he was a lot calmer, it made a little more sense. Exhaling sharply, he looks away slightly. “...sorry.”

A little taken aback, because your boyfriend wasn’t one to admit he was wrong this quickly, Y/N nods slowly. 

“I was worried. I didn’t mean anything. Sorry.”

Y/N sighs and pulls him into a hug. “We’re both in the wrong then.” she hums against his chest, feeling him hold her closer.

The pair stay like that for a while, before Osamu silently pulls her toward the couch, putting on a random movie. He pulls her towards him, and Y/N’s not complaining. Tucking her head into the crook of his neck, he wraps his arms around her securely. They lay in silence, taking the moment to let go of their anger and cool down in the presence of each other. The slightly tense and awkward atmosphere slowly dissipates over the course of the film, and before the second half, Y/N is fast asleep on top of him, her breath tickling his skin in steady puffs. 

He sighs and brushes the hair off her forehead, giving her a small peck, before turning the volume down and settling down himself. He dozes off shortly after, and the two stay like that till the morning. 

They’re woken up, rather rudely, by Atsumu yelling at them to ‘get a room’ from the kitchen. 

Y/N’s face smiling softly up at him erases all thoughts of smacking his brother over the head.

Requests Are Open and Welcome

#haikyuu fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #osamu x y/n #y/n #x reader #miya osamu #angst #fluff #hurt comfort #volleyball #haikyuu x reader #reader #haikyuu osamu #osamu fluff #atsumu #miya atsumu #inarizaki #inarizaki x reader

[brattybookclub]

A BDSMer’s Perspective on THAT Open Heart Diamond Scene

*WARNING: Discussions of NSFW content and BDSM done properly and poorly*

Hi, this is Cath! A major area of interest to me is BDSM, and while I am still a newbie (sadly my journey into the BDSM community was halted due to the pandemic, but that aside, I’ve been doing research since I was a teenager), I was able to identify several problems with the Ethan scene, from a BDSM perspective. This is meant to criticize PB, as I feel that this shows arrogance on their part, and that they just saw the Chapters ad for “Hard To Master” and decided “Hey, we should do that too!” (This will be kind of long.)

Something I didn’t see much discussion on was the fact that towards the end of the scene, Ethan says, “I’ve just never met someone whose appetites could match my own.” Meaning, Ethan has ZERO hands on BDSM experience. And neither does MC. Most of my criticism comes from the fact that neither of them is actually experienced. Hell, I have more experience than they do, and I’m a college student who has to save up for my kink gear, including collars. Yes, a top can practice alone on themselves, but Ethan and MC do very little negotiation. Most of the communication is taking place during the kinky activities, which there’s nothing wrong with, that works for some people, but it seems like the safeword was just there for decoration, and the diamond scene doesn’t really live up to “dark passion”.

When I saw that the scene was in the chapter, obviously I did not buy it, but I was shocked and kind of upset because the way PB marketed the scene was that it was some dark taboo activity where Ethan lets out his inner beast. This isn’t the case. I’m going to start from the beginning here. The context is that Ethan has just demonstrated that he cannot be trusted to maintain the integrity of an important medical study that could lead to breakthroughs in the industry. He showed arrogance and disregard for ethics. This is the backdrop for him asking to dominate MC. Just based on that, MC should say no. BDSM can be an escape from a frustrating day, to regain or give up control, but if one of my partners was going to lose their job, I would not trust them to dominate me that day. If Ethan is in this bad of a headspace, he could hurt MC during their activities (and not in the fun way) and make it worse. Second, HE ASKS AT THEIR JOB, WHERE HE IS MC’S SUPERIOR. The ethics of boss/employee relationship aside, that is blind to the power dynamic built into their workplace. This is the only point PB gives you the choice to consent until later, during the activities. In my opinion, this fucks up the Consent aspect of Safe, Sane, and Consensual, while Ethan’s current headspace and his actions prevent it from being Sane.

I know so many people have said this before me, but the way Ethan says what he wants is probably the grossest way of saying that. “… I need to feel in control of myself… and of you.” Ethan, you are in control of yourself. And saying that he “needs” to feel in control of MC… No. No, no, no. Submission is a gift that you do not take lightly, and must be given voluntarily. You do not ask someone for it without discussion first. And there is no discussion of what MC’s submission style is? Is MC a service submissive, are they a brat, are they a little? What if MC is a top or likes to be dominant? Nor does Ethan discuss what style of dominance he is into. Now that I think about it, there’s not a lot of power exchange. But it’s not just a top/bottom style activity either… Does PB know that you can participate in kinky activities with no power exchange, and that you can do power exchange without pain? It feels like they’ve just lumped all of it together. This scene fails to have any sort of distinct identity. It smells of a couple trying to spice it up in the bedroom and only reading about BDSM off of Cosmopolitan and Buzzfeed, and not really knowing what they’re doing.

As soon as MC and Ethan get to his place, he decides to pour you both some scotch. NO. NO, NO, NO NO. I have been to a discussion amongst EXPERIENCED kinksters about whether dungeons or events should offer alcohol, and it’s controversial because things can go wrong in a PUBLIC kink setting. For inexperienced people, especially with how bad Ethan’s headspace is at this time, and the fact that he claimed he wanted to “feel in control” of MC and himself, he should NOT be touching any alcohol. And over the drinks, Ethan and MC can discuss the events of the day when they could be, I don’t know, talking about what they are about to do??? Because MC has no idea what Ethan’s intentions are, exactly. Later, Ethan gives MC choices for what they can do; either he ties them to the bed, spanks them, or he decides (on all the playthroughs I have seen, Ethan deciding leads to him spanking MC). But they are already in the kink scene. You know how you should never go grocery shopping hungry? Well, you shouldn’t make kinky decisions, especially as a newbie, when you’re horny. They could have used this time to discuss if either of them has experience, and I must repeat, you don’t find out that Ethan has none till after you two finish. Ethan doesn’t tell MC any risks of what they do; if they might be bruised by anything he does, or if something will hurt after they finish. This is not following RACK; Risk Aware Consensual Kink. MC is not able to give informed consent. There’s also no discussion of limits or pain tolerance and… good fucking lord, this is a setup for shit going wrong.

So anyway, after their discussion of the day’s events, and Ethan’s feelings, MC assures him that they don’t want tender (hey, PB… BDSM can be tender!!! Also affectionate, loving, and sweet!!!!) so Ethan gives them a leather body harness and tells them to meet him in the bedroom. My initial reaction was, “How did he have their size, and how did he have that on hand?” I did some research, a lot of body harnesses are adjustable. Still pretty weird that he just had a women’s body harness on hand with no experience. I mean the men’s kind of makes sense because maybe he’s a switch, and as far as the handcuffs and riding crop despite no experience go… a lot of people hoard adult toys without using them much in case they do get the chance.

After MC puts on the harness, they meet Ethan in the bedroom and he asks them to pick a safeword. The default is “Free Healthcare” which fucking sucks as a safeword. The universal safeword is usually “Red” because of the traffic light system. When telling MC not to shy away from using it, he says, “You’re in control just as much as I am.” Uhhh… Who’s gonna tell him that the submissive has all the control? They decide what they consent to. The dominant operates within that. Also the part about, “This isn’t just about giving me what I need… It’s also about giving you what you want.” Yes… but also no. The dominant does not “need” their partner’s submission. It’s them mutually wanting what the other is willing to give. Also the “need” vs “want” feels… icky. So, so, icky.

From there to the options Ethan gives MC isn’t bad. I’ve had at least one of those exchanges in real life because it doesn’t feel cringe in the moment. Since MC and Ethan didn’t negotiate before the scene, I guess Ethan giving MC two options of what he can do to them, or he will decide between the two options if they want him to, isn’t that bad. I just think it would have been much better had there been communication beforehand since MC hasn’t done anything like that before. Thankfully it’s opt-in as opposed to opt-out, because opt-in is recommended for partners who are new to each other.

“Tie me to the bed.” Option: Ethan will muse about whether he should do rope or handcuffs. Maybe he has practiced with rope alone in the past and knows what he’s doing… But MC does not know this!! Mercifully, he picks handcuffs. Thank god he uses leather cuffs. PB has used metal ones in the past and those have all sorts of safety issues if they are not double-locking. PB is super vague about the setup so I’m a little confused about how he can be going down on MC then pull the chains of the cuffs so their back is against the headboard?

“Spank me.”/ “Choose.” Options: Ethan will get a riding crop, which is not at ALL recommended for newbies. I’ve actually had a friend demo a riding crop on my back, when I was fully clothed, but newbies are usually advised to either a) start off with a plain open hand spanking or b) test out how the implement feels by having the receiving partner rate the pain from a scale of 1 to 10 so one can get a feel for their pain tolerance, and how it changes as they are spanked longer. In my experience, it’s important to start out lighter especially with newbies. AND YET. “The first smack of the crop against your bare skin almost ends the game before it’s started.” NO NO NO. STOP STOP STOP. MC can barely take the first hit??? The first one should not push you to your limit, especially when it’s your first time. You may be wondering if riding crops actually sting that much. They don’t have to. It depends how much force you use. Side note, it is important for the top to know what each toy they are using feels like. Whether that means bottoming or testing the toy out on themselves, this makes sure they maintain empathy for their bottom. Anyway, MC gets hit by the riding crop like twice before this option converges with the sex part of the diamond scene. Really PB? You couldn’t at least say that the swats “rained down” or something? Two super intense hits is no fun compared to less intense spankings that last longer. In fact, if you change toys for different sensations, you can usually last longer, since the area gets more sensitive as you go along.

Anyway the sex happens. Ethan says, “Tell me what you want.” Which creates the options:

“Safeword/Free Healthcare” (God PB that’s so cringey, I get it’s a medical drama but just use Red!!!) Option: It instantly stops, Ethan is concerned, MC assures him that they just know their limits, which, good for you MC!! It’s not easy to safeword even when you want/need to. Though, I raise an eyebrow at the fact that you can safeword during the actual sex, as opposed to being tied up or spanked. I would think those would be where a person would be more likely to need to use their safeword especially if they are new to these activities.

“Harder.” Option: Gets more intense after Ethan asks if MC is sure. Goes into Ethan trying some orgasm control. Yay. Don’t see why this whole scene couldn’t have just been rough/wild sex since I’m pretty sure PB has done that before.

“Just like that…” Option: I think we can all guess what happens here.

I’m gonna fast forward through the rest of the sexcapades because there’s nothing interesting or worth critiquing. Safewording makes sure you skip all the rest of the scene and then it’s MC and Ethan in bed, him holding MC. I don’t want to say, “PB didn’t include aftercare!!” because cuddling is a lot of people’s aftercare, but I wish they’d talked about it more. Like Ethan asking if MC needed water or get out of the body harness, or some lotion or aloe vera for their butt if they got spanked. Or him checking their wrists if they got tied up. These are important things for aftercare, and while not everyone needs aftercare for every kind of activity, it’s important to talk about ahead of time, or communicate after the activity. Aftercare helps both parties come down gently from a high that you can easily just have an unpleasant drop from. I’ve gotten emotional after impact play. Some people feel guilt for inflicting pain on someone. Aftercare is necessary for the dominant or top as much as it is for the bottom or submissive, and I wish PB was as good about including that concept as they were about the safeword.

Anyway while they’re cuddling, MC and Ethan have the conversation where it leads to Ethan saying he’s never met anyone whose appetites match his own. While this might be acceptable for someone who lives in a small town… Ethan lives in Boston, Massachusetts. When looking up BDSM dungeons in Boston, I found two dominatrixes, and like three pages that talk about possible BDSM groups. And that’s not even checking on fetlife. Ethan simply didn’t want to look for like-minded people, and that’s on him. He could have found classes to help him learn how to do everything properly and safely, and maybe some friends. More people are kinky than you think!!! People in the community love it when new people join the community and express a desire to learn.

MC spends the night, and in the morning their sprite is STILL wearing the body harness. PB THOSE CANNOT BE COMFORTABLE. Like especially if it’s as fitted as they describe, how can MC still be wearing it?? Especially with them sweating on the leather??? Not going to lie, I laughed when I saw that oversight.

And that’s the end of the scene. Alright. The scene is not good. But it’s not Fifty Shades of Grey bad. I get the jokes and the comparisons, and while PB is arrogant, much like EL James, PB isn’t THAT bad. MC is clearly into the BDSM, which Anna clearly was not in 50 Shades. PB did a little bit of research, but I find it pretty obvious that aside from dirty talk, they have almost no experience actually getting into kinky activities, nor do they participate in the community.

I really hate how they acted like, “Ethan’s in dark mood…” but didn’t commit to that. Also how they didn’t really commit to portraying BDSM accurately. It’s kinky looking if you aren’t in the kink community, but to me, it’s vanilla pretending to be edgy and kinky. PB didn’t really commit one way or the other. They seemed to just use some iconography (excluding collars, surprisingly… that’s really easy to add??) and a little bit of kink, then set it aside and called it a day. This seemed to be there for the shock value. Going into the scene, I felt like SCC was being broken, but in the midst of the scene was a very different tone from what PB was acting like was going to happen. Ethan felt very different going into the scene as opposed to during it. I feel like this is what happens when you have to market kink to a mostly vanilla audience. Anyway, if you want a really great educational youtube channel, Evie Lupine is doing the lord’s work as a BDSM educator. Thank you for reading this 2500+ word rant from a kinky nerd.

#playchoices #open heart #choices oh #choices open heart #choices ethan #choices ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #choices ethan x mc #ethan choices #play choices #submission

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End of Summer - Chapter 1

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated? 

Word count: 3.2K

Genre: Angst, Fluff, 

Warnings: Mentions of sex, alcohol, overall pretty tame. 

A/N: English isn’t my first language, pls don’t come for me ;) Also the first chapter sucks and is more of an introduction so pls give ch 2 a chance lmaoo, it’s juicy, i promise.

You were exhausted.  

Your second year of college had passed like a whirlwind and you didn’t even have the time to realise.

Deadline after deadline after deadline had passed and you finally handed in your last paper of the year.  

You sigh in relief. The pent up tension leaves ur body and the stress seems to fade more and more as the seconds pass. You stare blankly at your laptop screen. Still not quite realising how you managed to write ten thousand words of scientific research just 3 days before the deadline.

You feel two firm hands on your shoulders, massaging you as a way to show comfort “Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”  

The voice and sudden skinship startled you a little but as soon as you realise who it is, you relax in his touch.

You remove your Airpods and look up at your best friend, Soobin, who sat down next to you at your favourite secluded table in the school’s cafeteria. It’s where your friends could always find you if you had work to do.  

“I just might” you sigh throwing your head back. And suddenly a huge grin crept up your face. Which worked contagiously as Soobin instantly started to smile back at you. 

“I did it. I finished all of the work.” You say putting your hand on your forehead dramatically.  

Soobin chuckled nudging your shoulder. “I told you, you’d be fine. You always manage to pull through even though you procrastinate so much.” He says as he high-fives you.

You pout at his statement. Yes. It’s a serious problem. “I just-”

You stop your sentence midway as that god walks into the cafeteria. His confident stride to the soda machine dressed in simple athletic wear made your jaw drop slightly. He was sweaty, probably from basketball practice. His chestnut hair damp, cascading his forehead and prickling his eyes. He blinked a few times before blowing the hair out of his face with his pouty lips.  

You swallow harshly at the sight and Soobin follows your gaze. You hear him chuckle, right before he flicks your forehead.

“Maybe if you stopped drooling over my roommate, you would’ve been able to focus.”  

You send him a glare, kicking his knee under the table, making him yelp out in pain, which caught someone’s attention.

Yeonjun takes out his soda from the machine as his head snaps in your direction. He smiles and approaches your table. Your heart decided to do martial arts in your chest with every step he took towards your table.

You look away from his gaze quickly pretending to be busy with your laptop.

“Hey, what’s up?” Yeonjun said ‘bro-fiving’ Soobin.  

“Nothing much, just the usual abuse from miss thing here,” Soobin says sending you a look as he rubs his knee. 

“Abuse? I didn’t know you were into that.” Yeonjun says giving you a coy smile, and you nearly choked at his words, looking at him wide-eyed.

You try your best to keep your cool, but Yeonjun was leaning against your chair, inching dangerously close, looking over your shoulder.

“Watchu working on?” he asks cutting the tension.

Oh Yeonjun, always so friendly and interested. If only he knew the effect he had on you. Or the effect he had on at least half of the female and male population of your elite college.  

“N-nothing. I mean I just finished it. It’s the paper for Mr. Davis’s class. The last one, so summer can finally start.” You ramble, not sure why you’re telling him all of these details. It’s not like he cares. 

You take a mental note to shut up, stealing a quick glance from Soobin who was awkwardly shifting in his seat.

Yeonjun let out a chuckle, patting your back. “Good job, I knew you could do it. This paper will give you an advantage next year right?”  

You look up in confusion. “How’d you know?”

“Soobinnie here told me that this paper was the reason you bailed on the party two days ago. Such a shame, would’ve been nice to have you there you know…” Yeonjun says a little lost in thought absentmindedly moving a strand of your hair behind your ear.  

Was he? Flirting?  

“I have all the time in the world now, so if you want to see me so badly, just give me a call.” You say confidently crossing your arms. You were testing him, and he seemed amused by your sudden confidence.  

Soobin rolled his eyes at the two of you. Yeonjun is a notorious fuckboy. A star player of the basketball team, rich, handsome, charming but also his best friend and teammate. You were also his best friend that he had known since childhood, which means that the two of you were a recipe for disaster in his books.  

The two of you planned to go to the same college since your parents pushed you to do so, but also because you two are joined at the hip since birth. Oh and did you mention that Soobin was the one with the full basketball scholarship, while you had to rely on your actual brain to get one?

Ever since you started college and were introduced to Choi Yeonjun, you had a meaningless crush on him. But since time passed and you got close to Soobin’s friends and vice versa, your feelings towards him seemed to escalate and you could tell that Yeonjun was into you too. You just didn’t know in what way.

Soobin always tried his best to keep you two apart because he didn’t want you to get hurt. Soobin knew Yeonjun was just going to be in it for the sex and is not ready for a relationship in any way or form.  

But Soobin also knows that if you have set your mind to something, there’s absolutely no way that he can talk you out of it. You have always had a fascination for bad boys, wanting to fix them and then crying to Soobin about it when it didn’t work out. It might be the quality he hates about you the most.

But this time it was different. This time it was between two people that Soobin genuinely cared for. So he was against the two of you having any type of relationship other than friendship.

Soobin cleared his throat, diverting the attention back to him. “That sounds nice and all, but I think y/n will be going back home for summer. Right?”

You’re confused by Soobin’s sudden cock blocking and raise your eyebrow at him.

“No, actually. I’m not. Not this year. My parents are traveling through Europe so there’s nothing for me to go home to.” You say. Soobin knows about this. So why would he mention you going back home?

“Well. That’s great. Then we can finally hang out with the whole squad without any of us bailing because of school work.” Yeonjun says smiling.

“Anyways, I’ve got to go. I guess I’ll…see you around?” Yeonjun asks staring at you intently. You just nod in response giving him a smile, which he returned to you immediately. It was more of a smirk than a smile though and you could swear his eyes wandered to your chest, but you didn’t want to jump to any conclusions.

“See you back home bro” Yeonjun said patting the younger one on his shoulder before walking off.

As Yeonjun was out of sight, your head snaps back to Soobin, who was glaring at you.

“What was that about,” you say crossing your arms, fire spitting from your pupils.

“That’s so NOT happening” Soobin states taking a sip out of his water bottle while keeping eye contact.

“Excuse you?” you say lost for words.

Soobin just shrugs, he’s visibly annoyed and you know not to push his buttons right now but you decide to do so anyway.

“Listen, I know you’re practically my brother and all. But you’re not. So I don’t see why you need to act like you are, I like him Soobin. Let me explore my feelings for him a little.” You say in a hushed tone trying not to sound too bitchy, but Soobin just scoffs in response, rolling his eyes at you.

“It’s your feelings that I’m worried about y/n, cause he certainly doesn’t care. He just wants to fuck. If he actually liked you, he wouldn’t look at you like you’re a meal. He’d look at you with affection.”  

You’re taken aback by his statement and you’re not so sure if you should bite back at him. Instead, you let him explain some more as you wave your hand at him as a sign for him to continue.

“I care about both of you. I just don’t want this y/n, because when worse comes to worst I will have to choose, and then I will choose you and everything will go to shit. I am his captain, we have the same group of friends, we share multiple classes, hell, we share a whole apartment” Soobin sighs massaging his temples.

“Ok…Ok…Jesus” you give in.

“I promise; I won’t engage” you pout.  

“Good,” Soobin says. “Please for once just…listen to me. Trust me, he’s not the type of guy to want a relationship right now.”

“Ok.” You sigh. “But this means you and your girlfriend will be stuck with me all summer then.”

Soobin looks up, confused at how easy it was to talk you out of it. He smiles at you sweetly and his eyes disappear into crescent moons as he does so. “I can’t wait to get mani-pedi’s.” He laughs sarcastically clapping his massive hands together cutely while visibly relaxing in his seat.

Suddenly your heart gets all soft at the sight of the giant baby in front of you.  In a way he is right. He’s telling you all the things that you already knew. And the last thing you wanted was to hurt Soobin for some dumb crush you had on a college boy.  

“Soobin is just the captain cause he’s the tallest” Yeonjun argues.

You giggle at his childish statement. You were at the park off-campus with some of your friends. Soobin had his arm draped around his girlfriend Mia’s shoulder while she leaned into him. They were disgustingly adorable. And every time they displayed a little too much PDA all of your friends would throw snacks at them.

Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai had also joined you on the picnic. You were sitting with your legs draped over Beomgyu’s so there would be enough space for everyone on the blanket you brought.  

All of you munched on different types of snacks. And you tried your hardest to keep your distance from Yeonjun without making it obvious.

“Soobin hyung is the captain because he’s not as full of himself as you are” Taehyun said, making everyone but Yeonjun laugh.

He gave Taehyun the glare of death and pouted afterward to show playfulness. “I get no respect in this household” Yeonjun sighs as he throws an M&M at Tae’s head, which he dodged just in time.

Your heart did a jump at the sight of his pout and as if he could sense it, Yeonjun made eye contact with you.

He smirked, looking away when you did.  

Mia looked at you, narrowing her eyes as she saw the way you two were stealing glances from each other like high school kids.  

Mia was one of your closest friends whom you had introduced to Soobin in the first year. They started dating not long after they met. And from time to time you still remind them of the fact that if it weren’t for you, they’d be sad and lonely.

Mia knew you like the back of her hand, just like Soobin did. So keeping a secret from either of them was basically impossible. The two of them tend to gang up on you a lot. Even though you know It’s out of love and concern, it’s still really fucking annoying sometimes. Especially when it comes to your love life.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you say getting up. Beomgyu reluctantly removed his arm from your leg and uses it as a supporting rod for you to get up.  

You smile and thank him, which made Yeonjun narrow his eyes at the two of you, which Mia also noticed.  

Soobin however was lost in deep conversation with Hueningkai about some Math problems he had.  

Huening was a freshman, just like Tae, but since they were on the basketball team as well, they were all pretty close. And they helped each other out whenever they could.

You admired their friendship and were happy to call them your friends as well.

“I’ll come with you,” Mia says untangling her man's arms from her waist as she tries to get up, earning a sad pout from Soobin in return. “Come back soon,” he said sighing.

“Don’t be disgusting” Yeonjun and you say at the exact same time. Earning chuckles from everyone.

You look at each other surprised and laugh like the two of you were in your own world.

This time, Soobin noticed, and you try your best to avoid his gaze.

“You two are just bitter cause you’re single” Taehyun stated throwing his head back in evil laughter.

“Well so are you, so are all of you except for them so what’s your point exactly” Yeonjun bites back giving Taehyun a beaming smile while stuffing his face with a handful of the chocolates.

“Ehm, shall we?” Mia nudged you and you nodded as the boys’ bickering became background noise while you walked off together.

“Why do chicks always go to the bathroom together” Hueningkai questioned with genuine curiosity.  

“So they can talk shit in private,” Beomgyu said wiggling his eyebrows.

As Mia and you walked further and further from your spot, Mia looks over her shoulder to determine if it’s a safe enough distance to start gossiping.

“Dude” she nudges you while speaking in a hushed tone.

“Why were you and Yeonjun literally eye-fucking each other in front of everyone.”  

Your eyes grow wide and you turn around facing her. “Eye-fucking” you repeat her, suppressing a chuckle while trying to be as nonchalant as possible.  

“I think you’re seeing things.” You say shrugging.

“Am I y/n?” she looks at you with a stern expression, and this time you’ve had about enough.

You sigh in frustration as you open the door to the public bathroom entrance.

“Look, Soobin already gave me the ‘Yeonjun is a fuckboy so stay away’ lecture, I really don’t need to hear it again.”  

“Soobin lectured you about not engaging with Yeonjun?” Mia says surprised.

You raise your eyebrows. “You didn’t know? I thought he told you everything.”  

Mia sighs. “If you like him, who’s Soobin to tell you what to do with those feelings?”  

Your jaw drops, in awe of the fact that she’s siding with you on this one. “But if he hurts you, I’ll break his ankles.” She says determined, with her psycho protective smile.  Ah, there it is.  

“Well. Soobin really gave me an ultimatum. He basically says that if things end badly, he would have to choose between us and that it’d ruin not only his friendship but the team’s teamwork and everything. I don’t want to have that on my conscience just because I’m lusting over Yeonjun.”

Mia nearly busted a lung laughing and you cocked your eyebrow at her in surprise. “What are you laughing about” you try to suppress a smile, amused by her sudden outburst.

“He. Is. So. Dramatic” she says still recovering from her laughing fit.

“He is?” you ask genuinely interested in her point of view.

“Yes, he is. Look I don’t want to be the one to push you into toxicity or anything but we know Yeonjun. He is sweet? And nice. And he has never given me an off vibe. I can tell he has eyes for you, the only problem is that a lot of girls have eyes for him too and that can become a problem. The issue is if YOU can handle that.” Mia fixes your hair while she speaks and you sigh.

She’s right. “But Soobin”

“Oh fuck Soobin, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Just live a little. What’s the worst that could happen.”  

“Did you pee out the whole lake? That took forever.” Soobin states yanking Mia back into his lap.

“I missed you,” he says nuzzling his face in her neck.

“Ok, gross.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes.  

“There was a line” you lie walking over to Yeonjun’s side, sitting down between him and Hueningkai this time. This action earned a look from Soobin, who was basically cursing at you with his eyes, all while Mia smiled at you knowingly. It also earned a look from Yeonjun, he looked at you surprised but content, and he gave you a sweet smile, his facial expression softened immediately when you nudged him playfully as you sat down next to him.

The whole afternoon was spent laughing and bickering. Listening to the boys’ none sense and Taehyun making snacks disappear and appear with his never-ending magic tricks. All while the six of you were busting your brains trying to solve Hueningkai’s mathematical equations for his engineering class.  

Yeonjun inched closer to you from time to time. The both of you were in charge of the music that was blasting from your portable speaker. You compared your Spotify playlists and noticed how much you have in common with him music-wise. It was fun seeing Yeonjun becoming all passionate about his favourite artists, it certainly didn’t help the fact that you were trying to keep a distance from him. Cause his cute little mannerisms and the way he gets so engrossed in his storytelling made you fall for him even more. Face first to be exact.  

From time to time you would feel Yeonjun’s gaze linger on you. He’d ‘accidentally’ brush his arm against yours or he would touch your thigh, asking you to pass him another can of soda.

It was a lot, but you couldn’t say you hated it.

“It’s getting late” Taehyun says getting up. “We need to prepare for the party tonight”  

his statement earned hums, moans, and groans from everyone.  

“Whose party?” you asked.

“Johnny. That senior from the photography major” Yeonjun answered, looking at you with a hopeful expression. “You’re coming right?”  

You smiled at him, nodding your head. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Dude this is a disaster,” you say rummaging through your clothes while you were on Facetime with Mia. “I don’t have anything to wear”  

Mia rolled her eyes at you. “You trying to impress someone?” she said stuffing her face with seaweed chips.

You stare at her through the screen “Listen, you little shit. Just because you’re in a happy marriage doesn’t mean you get to be all sarcastic and judgy”  

She snorted “Marriage!? Oh please. You’re just trying to impress Yeonjun and that’s fine. Just wear something that covers the least amount of skin, he’ll like it.”  

“You’re a menace to society” you state, Mia shrugs at your choice of words and laughs. “But you’re right.” You give in grabbing a strappy lilac mini dress. “Then I guess this is contestant number one”

“Ooh, yes! Love that, wear that.” Mia enthusiastically exclaims giving you a thumbs up.

“Okay, that was a lot easier than I thought this was going to be, I’m gonna finish getting ready. You and Soobin are picking me up, right?” 

“Yes, we are. Be ready at 11.”  

“Alright, see you, bye”

“Bye.”

You throw your phone on your bed and hold the dress in front of your figure, looking at yourself in the mirror. You sigh, getting a rush of anxiety and butterflies in your stomach as you think of seeing Yeonjun again tonight. 

Let’s see where this goes. 

Chapter 2

#choi yeonjun #tomorrow by together scenarios #yeonjun scenarios #yeonjun imagine #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun angst #yeonjun fluff #choi soobin #soobin scenarios #soobin fluff #soobin angst #soobin smut #txt imagines #txt imagine #txt scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop angst #choi yeonjun scenarios #choi yeonjun imagines #choi yeonjun imagine #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu angst #taehyun txt #hueningkai txt

[danny-chase]

Dick Grayson Week Day 4

Prompt: Bruce hits Dick and doesn’t get away with it

Summary/Notes:

A Spyral fixit where the family finds out about Nightwing 30. Perspectives are from Tim and Jason, but Steph, Cass, and Damian make an appearance. Quotes taken from Forever Evil 7 and 8, and Nightwing 30. Tw for swearing, angst and domestic/child abuse (because canon is terrible and I can’t leave it the way it is).

Edit: I have an AO3 account now yay! Read here

“I’ll be right back.” Tim chirped as he left to pull some files out of his room. He could feel his friends’ gazes lingering on him as he left. He had to suppress an eye roll. He was fine. Your pseudo-dad/adopted-father-before-you-emancipated-yourself loses his memory and suddenly everyone thinks there’s something wrong with you. Figures. Bruce was happier this way. And maybe, one day, he’d be able to get to know him again. Maybe not as sorta-father and son. But Bruce 2.0 liked volunteering with kids, running charity events. Maybe they could be business partners, or coworkers. It wasn’t like last time. But that didn’t mean Cassie, Bart and Kon weren’t worried. No matter how many times he tried to explain, they wouldn’t listen. It was better this way. Bruce was happier without them. Without him. It stung at first sure, but he was over it. He could handle it. Even if the knot in his stomach told him otherwise.

His fingers brushed the lines on the hallway as he strode through Titan’s Tower. The halls seemed so much smaller than they used to be. Logically, he knew they were the same size. But they weren’t the same walls as when he’d first visited. And those hadn’t even been the first wall either. “We’ve had to rebuild this place like at least a million times.” Dick had told him. The knot tightened. Don’t think about it, he reprimanded himself. He’d been having a nice afternoon. It was relaxing, staying with his friends. But he couldn’t walk through the halls without feeling like a trespasser. This was Dick’s team. This was his home away from home. Who was he kidding? He was no Dick Grayson. Dick’s friends used to look to him for guidance, for advice, for help with problems, personal and business related. Tim used to look to him for guidance, advice and help. Stop thinking about him, he tried again. Forget the Crime Syndicate. Forget the funeral. Don’t stress, repress. He paused for a moment, stared aimlessly out the window, took a few deep breaths, cleared his mind and continued on his way.

Climbing the stairs, he decided it was better to use his mental faculties to go through the case he was working on. Jason had called two days ago asking about some of his old informants in Gotham, Penguin was apparently moving back onto the scene and reorganizing the structure of some of the newer gangs. Cleaning house. Informants were switching names, following their own protocols. Bruce had written some contingency in a classified file somewhere. The issue was where. The damn batcomputer had like a billion files on it. And Barbara knew the system, but was busy coordinating for the JLA and had put them on “Do not Disturb” mode for the foreseeable future. He could write a program to search for it. Stupid Bruce and his stupid files that he’d kept secret from them. “It was on a need to know basis.” He could almost here the defensiveness in Bruce’s voice if he tried hard enough. He nearly face planted as he miscalculated the number of stairs. Maybe they should just go back to their old Young Justice base. Or wait till the building inevitably explodes again and just make it better. That would be fun. Designing a Teen Titans base with slides and escalators. Bart would be thrilled. Bart could probably build it in 5 minutes. Dick wouldn’t approve, his brain felt the need to remind him. Tim nearly huffed. Well Dick is de-.

He abruptly lost his train of thought. There was noise coming from his room. Someone was sniffing, was someone crying in his room? Who was even in his room? Everyone was downstairs. Cissie and Steph were visiting in the lounge, Greta left a few days ago, the new kids were in the gym getting a feel for the equipment. The hell? His heart pounded a bit louder as he silently slunk towards his rooms. If Dick decided to haunt him from beyond the grave this was not cool. The lights flickered. Tim nearly screamed. He could feel cold sweat gathering in his palms, his heart racing, thoughts pounding in his skull. It’s just one of Bart’s pranks, no one can get in without access. He slid next to his door and pulled up the camera feed on his glove’s embedded computer. They weren’t in lockdown, but it couldn’t hurt to check. Few clicks here, few taps there and…Damian? Tim burst through the door, half relieved and fully confused.

“What are you doing here?” Tim half yelled, Damian startling on the bed as he burst into his room. Tim flicked the lights on as the gremlin crossed his arms in response. Tim shut the soundproof door, no need to bother Kon with this.

“I was given access to the tower as well.” He stated monotonously. Tim frowned; something was off. Damian didn’t just show up in his room. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen the kid in weeks. Not since Bruce went all amnesiac on them. Where was he even staying. Damian shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was paler than usual, but flushed, his eyes bright. Had he been crying in here? “Quit gawking at me, Drake.” He spat, jolting Tim back into reality.

He almost opened his mouth to throw some insult back. Almost. He saw the kid’s lip tremble just so slightly, and he bit his tongue. The kid’s hands were shaking. “What’s up?” He replied cautiously. Keeping the demon brat in line wasn’t in his job description. But the kid had had a rough couple months. Dying, coming back to Dick being dead, Bruce losing his memory. He could help with whatever this was and-

“Grayson is alive.”

-send the kid back to Alfred, he knew the kid better than he did. He had his pets at the manor to keep him company, maybe he’d see if Jon would be willing to have a sleepover or something. Spring break was coming up soon, maybe he could take a trip out to Kansas-

“Drake!” Damian was waving a hand in front of his face. Tim blinked a few times. He hadn’t said…had he? That wasn’t right Dick was-

“Richard is alive, I can prove it.” There was desperation in the kid’s voice, water in his eyes. The trash can was filled with tissues, it had been empty when he left. His shirt was on inside out. Tim inhaled sharply. Fuck. Tim had been there. He’d done that. Denied reality. Gone on a wild fairy tale goose chase. Chased insane dreams. Sure, it had worked. But this was different. They had a body. We had a body then, his mind helpfully supplied. There was no real evidence. It had worked hadn’t it? Denying Bruce’s death out of reality? But Dick couldn’t be alive. Bruce had seen him die. Clark saw Bruce die, his brain again helpfully supplied. Tim studied Damian’s face carefully. He looked two steps away from a mental breakdown. Was that how I looked? He wasn’t exactly looking in any mirrors at the time. Dick had try to talk him back down, that was the wrong move. He’d doubled down. But Damian wasn’t him and Tim had no idea what to do. Damian stared at him, studying his face carefully. Tim could feel his palms sweating again, when had he started clenching his fists? His brain was ticking through options, tell Damian he believed him – high chance of heartbreak, low chance of kid running off and doing something stupid on his own. Try and talk him down – still some heartbreak, but can mitigate, medium to high chance of him running off. Call Alfred – should he really do that though? The kid came to him. Alfred’s busy dealing with amnesiac Bruce. Call someone else? Why did the kid come to him in the first place? Damian hated him, he wouldn’t come to him unless he was really sure, or really desperate. Does he think I can replicate what happened with Bruce? Time seemed to move like molasses. Tim swallowed. Now or never.

“I believe you.” He replied. Damian’s eyebrows furrowed, but his shoulders fell ever so slightly, and he rocked back on his heels, uncrossing his arms and leaning into a less defensive stance. Mixed results. He prayed he sounded convincing enough. If he was going this route, he had to go all the way. It didn’t matter that he’d seen the body. It didn’t matter that Bruce saw. He needed to be on Damian’s side with this one. Just like he’d needed somebody on his side back then. Even if it was a crazy side. Even if it was a leave everyone behind and run around on a whim side. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least the kid would have someone to catch him at the end. Why did it have to be the brat though?

“You do not. But you will.” Damian said solemnly, a bit of an edge to his voice. He pulled a laptop out of a bag on the floor and hopped up on the foot of Tim’s bed. Tim quietly settled next to him, careful to not touch him. He was careful. The kid didn’t appear to be looking for a fight, but you never know. Tim glanced at the laptop screen.

“DAMIAN NO WHAT THE-” He screamed. Damian nearly leapt of the bed. His face turned red.

“-tt- Grow up Drake, this is for research purposes only, that is not-” He started mumbling.

“You’re on DICK GRAYSON THIRST POST WEBSITES for RESEARCH!” Tim half screamed, attempting to lower his voice. Damian flushed harder.

“SHUT UP DRAKE!” He countered. Tim took deep breaths. Dear god, he needed to bleach his eyes after this. He did not need to know these threads existed. Fucking reddit. Humanity has gone too far. There were 20k followers. He peeked over again, the latest posts were from this morning. His mouth was dry. These people were lusting over his dead brother. It was sick, it was fucking disgusting it was-

“Wait what’s that picture?” Tim asked.

“-tt- If you would allow me to explain instead of losing your head, I can show you.” Damian grumbled. He clicked on the picture to enlarge it. “I’ve run the calculations, biometrically, the body shape is a 99.97% match.” Tim let out a low whistle. It wasn’t much to go on. You couldn’t see the figure’s face, he was turned away from the camera. Whoever took it was definitely aiming for a certain portion of the man’s body.

“Have you talked to the poster?” Tim inquired. Damian nodded.

“This subreddit is dedicated to…” Damian made a revolted looking face, “capturing casual images of Grayson in unsavory positions.” He nearly squirmed as he finished the sentence. “I was attempting to research the details of Grayson’s perceived passing and came across this website.” That was a different kind of trauma in Tim’s opinion. “The image caught my eye. He has fans in Ireland, that is where it was taken. These fans are apparently experts at picking him out.” Damian scrolled through some earlier posts to prove his point. “It is odd.” He added pointedly. Tim’s mind was racing. It was hardly evidence. It could have been anyone. But he was right. The perverts were good. They even had a few of Dick in disguise doing undercover work, none of his face of course. But Dick couldn’t be in Ireland. Tim went to the funeral. Bruce went to the funeral. Bruce saw Dick die. Bruce wouldn’t lie about something like that. He never told you about the Joker. His mind supplied. No. Bruce wouldn’t. Bruce couldn’t. He wouldn’t put them through that grief. Not after Damian. Not after all the lies. He promised he wouldn’t lie to them like that. The picture couldn’t be real. But Damian kept scrolling. There were more. In multiple countries. It couldn’t be possible. There was no way. People joked his brother’s butt was iconic but this was ridiculous.

“Drake?” Damian sounded so cautious. Tim was confused. The pictures all looked so real. So accurate. Could they be photoshopped? That could explain it.

“Did you get any of the original files?” He asked much too hastily to appear calm. A smile flicked on Damian’s face for a millisecond.

“You believe me.” Damian stated, half disbelievingly. Tim bit his lip. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. If he did, then he didn’t believe Bruce. Damian cleared his throat. “I have already examined a few of the original photographs. Their phones were laughably easy to hack.” He looked smug for a mentally unhinged eleven-year-old. “They do not appear to be tampered with.” Tim could feel his heart thudding in his chest. Dick couldn’t be alive. It wasn’t possible. He saw the body. Bruce was in the cave for a week going over it. Not allowing anyone in. No… Fuck…

“What did you do?” He muttered under his breath. Damian looked at him inquisitively, a determination burning in his eyes. Tim hadn’t seen any of the proof himself. And he believed Bruce unquestioningly. That was the opposite of what the man had taught him. But there was still something off. He looked searchingly at Damian. “Dick wouldn’t do that to us.” He couldn’t. Dick would never do something like that. He would tell them. He wasn’t like Bruce, he was reliable. Dick didn’t keep secrets like that. He wouldn’t fake his own death and leave them to fend for themselves. Not after Damian died. After everything they’d lost, after everything he’d lost. Dick wouldn’t do that to him. Damian’s eyes flickered toward the ground, and he frowned.

“Maybe he can’t tell us.” Is all he had to offer. It seemed like a sore spot. Tim didn’t push it. It was probably driving the kid insane. Dick, galivanting across the world, not checking in, not coming back to tell them he was okay? The odds were astronomically low. Dick was a constant. He was their brother. He was a Robin. Robins don’t do that to each other. Steph did, his brain helpfully supplied. But that wasn’t Steph’s fault. Tim dug his nails into his palms. He needed to know. He needed proof. He needed to see the footage, go over the evidence. He didn’t doubt Dick, but his mind was itching. He wouldn’t be able to sleep unless he knew for sure. Hell, Damian probably couldn’t either.

“Look, here’s the plan.” Tim said, his mind racing. Damian stared at him intently. Wow the kid really was desperate if he was willing to listen to him. “I’ll tell Kon I’m taking you home, that you need some help on a case, then will slip out. Maybe, maybe someone close to the family is compromised.” He said, a bit unsure. That could explain the lie. If there was one. Please let there be one. Damian nodded, stuffing his laptop back into his backpack. Tim crossed the room and grabbed the door handle.

A barely audible “Thanks.” reached his ears as he flipped off the lights.

  Jason groaned as he checked his messages. He really didn’t want to go through the batcomputer files. It would be faster if Tim did it, plus he had a lower chance of accidentally messing something up. Not that the file system wasn’t already a disaster. Touch the wrong button and you’re locked in the cave till Alfred realizes something’s wrong.

Tim had stopped responding to his messages two days ago, and well, he couldn’t wait any longer. And so, he found himself zipping through the tunnel systems that led into the cave. It was better to avoid the manner if possible. Happy Bruce wasn’t high on the list of people he wanted to see. That dude was fucking weird. It made him feel weird. It did feel good to cross amnesia off his yearly family bingo though. Now he just needed someone to trip during an interview and he’d break Cass’s winning streak. At the rate they were checking things off, maybe he should start a second batch and make it biannual. That or change the prompts. They were getting predictable.

He rolled to a stop inside the cave, and nearly rolled his eyes seeing the mess of skid marks on the floor. Seriously, tires are expensive, why his siblings couldn’t park like normal human beings was beyond him.

Someone was clacking away on the upper platform. Oh, thank God Tim was probably here, figuring it out before he could mess everything up. Cass poked her head over the railing, Jason cocked an eyebrow at her as he removed his helmet. She grinned and jumped over it, catching the fireman’s pole and sliding down. Someone was going to break an ankle doing that, could he add that to the bingo cards? Stupid non-work related injury was already on there, maybe upgrading it to stupid broken bone would suffice. Dick broke his nose outside Denny’s at 3am last year during a post mission party. Hands down one of the best nights of Jason’s life. Too bad his family members decided to die at least once a year.

“I’m about to win bingo.” Cass whispered as she brushed past his shoulder. That jolted Jason out of his bittersweet thoughts.

“Bullshit.” He growled back, bingo was his this year. She smugly wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Sorry brother.” She said sweetly, leaning her head into his shoulder. She let out a long sigh. And then Jason finally remembered that it most the squares weren’t exactly fun.

“Wait, the fuck’s going on?” Fuck, he really didn’t want to deal with this right now. Nobody could have died Dick checked that off, amnesia was gone, Gotham destroyed was gone, natural disaster was checked, Joker breaks out and does dramatic shit was gone too. But that wasn’t a good sigh, that was a ‘I’m so tired of this family sigh’, which could narrow it down a bit. Cass squeezed his shoulder.

“Family secrets.” She admitted, giving him a melancholy look. Jason groaned. This family was the fucking worst. Bruce wasn’t even really part of it right now, who the hell was keeping secrets? Damian. Had to be Damian. Little monster was just like his dad. Fuck. Dick taught the kid better than that. What kind of mess was he in?

Cass took him by the wrist and started dragging him towards the stairs. He resisted briefly as they got to the base. He needed to know. “Who’s is it?” He asked, planting his feet on the ground.

Cass bit her lip, looking extremely uncomfortable. Jason pulled back his arms and crossed them, keeping his expression as neutral as he could, but she could probably read his mood anyways.

“HA. HAHAHA HA. FUCK YOU BRUCE! TAKE THAT SHIT-COMPUTER!”

Jason nearly jumped out of his skin at Tim’s screeching from upstairs, Cass was running up the stairs, not waiting to see if he was coming. Jason sighed. It was going to be on of those days. He took a deep breath and headed up behind her.

Tim was doing a victory dance in front of the computer. Damian was crawling out from under the computer, a shit eating grin on his face. They both looked (and smelled) a mess. Definitely neither had showered in a few days, probably hadn’t slept either.

“Todd, you are just in time to witness our victory over father.” Damian greeted, formal as ever. The brat didn’t even through an insult in there. Must be in a good mood. Well that at least explained who was keeping secrets. Stupid Bruce, keeping secrets even while an amnesiac. Screw him.

“Shall we?” Tim asked, offering a hand to Damian, which shockingly the kid took. The fuck did he miss?!?

“Uh, what the fuck?” He managed to get out. There was cowl footage pulled up on the screen. Cass was pulling chairs over from the table. He tiredly took the seat she offered him.

“Waaaaiiiiiit I have popcorn!” Steph called, pounding down the stairs.

“Steph no!” Tim moaned. “This isn’t a joke!”

“What’s family drama without popcorn?” Steph sung back. Damian huffed. Cass snickered. Jason had to smirk to himself. Dark humor was the best coping mechanism in this family. “Besides you haven’t told us what this is!” She accused. Well at least Jason wasn’t the only one who didn’t know. Tim shifted guilty at the computer, his eyes darting from Damian and then back to the group. Damian responded by huffing and crossing his arms.

“Drake did not ‘want to get your hopes up’.” He began, mimicking Tim’s voice perfectly, “-tt-His concern is unfounded, my research has been impeccable, Gr-” Tim shoved a hand over Damian’s mouth. Damian looked downright murderous.

“Look we want to watch the footage beforehand it might be-” Tim squawked as Cass lunged off the table, hopped over his shoulders and hit play on the batcomputer. “Cass wait!” He got out as the video began to play. Steph grabbed Tim from behind and dragged him into a seat.

The screen showed footage from a first-person perspective, they were walking through a doorway into a large room.

“I’m tired of secrets.” Muttered Cass as she slipped in a chair next to Steph. Damian staid standing, glaring intensely at the screen, looking strangely anguished.

“Hey, kid you can…” The invitation died in his throat. The camera moved forward into the room, revealing a beaten Dick Grayson in the center, hooked to countless machines, suspended in a metal cocoon, only his face and chest peeking out.

“Oh my God.” Came a familiar voice from the screen. A growl reverberated in the cave.

“Well Batman…” Luthor materialized on the right, “…You’ve found Nightwing.” He said, stalking forward.

Something clattered on the floor. The camera was rushing forward. Voices from the cave mixed with voices on the screen.

“Why would you want to watch this!?” shrieked Steph.

“Dick? Everything’s going to be all right. I’m here.” Bruce’s gruff voice sounded oddly strained.

“Shut up Brown!” Came Damian in a high-pitched voice.

“He never showed us the evidence.” Tim’s voice squeaked. “We have to watch till the end?”

“I’m sorry I shut you out. All of you. I didn’t want you getting hurt…I’m going to get you out of this.” Came Bruce’s shaking voice. Jason could feel a lump growing in his throat. He didn’t want to see this.

“Fast-forward?” Cass suggested, her voice equally shaken. Jason could barely see the others in the cave, his eyes were glued to the screen.

“No…You need to…leave.” Came Dick’s horse whisper of a voice. “You need to go…”

Damian made an inhuman noise, which allowed Jason to tear his eyes off the screen.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Muttered Tim. “We can’t fast-forward we need to know what happened.” He forced a sense of determination into his voice. “This is why I didn’t-”

THOOM. The sound rumbled through the cave. Jason jumped out of his seat. The camera whipped around revealing the exit sealed off, with Luthor, Selina, and Bizzarro trapped inside.

“-you guys can still leave.” Tim said shakily.

BA-DEEP. Blared through the speakers. BA-DEEP.

“What is that?” Came Selina’s voice, her usual smooth and silky persona dropped. BA-DEEP.

“It’s a countdown. This isn’t just a fancy pair of handcuffs, Catwoman. It’s a bomb.” Came Lex’s gruff voice. The camera turned again showing a timer counting down from 5 minutes. Jason’s stomach painfully twisted at the reminder of another countdown in another sealed building.

“We’re staying.” He managed to get out. He might have heard noises of affirmation.

WHAM. “The door. The walls. Why can’t we break through them?” Came Luthor’s voice.

“This cell was designed to hold Doomsday, Luthor.” Came Bruce’s voice again. The camera showed him messing with the panel. BA-DEEP.

“Is the countdown monitoring his heart?” Selina asked from seemingly far away.

“Yes.” Boomed Bruce’s voice. BA-DEEP.

“Why?” Replied Selina.

“The detonator is hooked into it.” Bruce responded. Jason’s heart sunk. “He died in a death trap. There was no way out.” Bruce had told him before the funeral. BA-DEEP.

“Batman…The bomb…” Dick whispered. BA-DEEP. Jason spared another glance at Damian. There were tears beginning to form in his eyes, but he stared, glued to the screen all the same. “…It only disams…If my heart stops.” Jason could feel his chest tightening painfully. “I die…or we all die.” BA-DEEP.

“Maybe Bruce had a reason for not showing this to us.” Steph said shakily. Jason glanced over. She looked green. Her sleave and eyes were both wet. The sounds of the heart monitor echoed in the cave.

BA-DEEP. “Please…Listen to me…” Dick’s horse voice started again. Tim was muttering frantically to himself. “You still have time to get yourself out of here.” The camera was so close. Jason could see every cut on his brother’s face, could see the sweat on his brow, the blood trickling down from his nose.

BA-DEEP. “I am not leaving you, Dick. I am not abandoning you.” Bruce sounded much more confident that Jason felt. Too bad Bruce didn’t sound confident.

“You aren’t Bruce. And you never have.” Dick replied. Jason’s vision was blurring. All he wanted was some stupid computer files. He didn’t come to the cave to watch this.

BA-DEEP. “The only way we’re getting out of here is together…No…The wires…” Jason dug his fingernails into his palms. “…Every time I disconnect a relay, it fixes itself.” Jason bit his lip.

BA-DEEP. At some point those in the caves had gone silent. “Then there’s only one way to disarm this bomb, Batman.” Came Luthor’s voice. The video jolted violently and Bruce’s cry reverberated through the cave. Chaos erupted on the screen. A cacophony associated with their customary brand of violence echoed through the speakers, obscuring some of the voices.

BA-DEEP. “I’m saving our lives.” Jason made out. The screen was black. Jason glanced around the room. Everyone was tense. Damian was crying. Tim looked horrified. Cass was perfectly still, her expression blank. Steph looked one step away from throwing up in the empty popcorn bowl that lie on the ground at her feet.

BA-DEEP. The camera was moving again. “LUTHOR.” Boomed Bruce’s voice again. Jason caught a glimpse of the man pressing a hand over Dick’s face. “LUTHOR, YOU HURT HIM AND I WILL KILL YOU.” Cass let out the faintest gasp. Bruce wasn’t lying. How the hell was Luthor still alive? The heart monitor was stuttering. BA-DEEEEEP

“Nonononononononononono.” Came Tim’s voice. “It wasn’t supposed to-”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“DICK.” Screamed Bruce. The camera rushed forward.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“NO!” Yelled Bruce and Tim at the same time. Damian had sunk to the floor.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

A fist kept pounding Luthor in the face relentlessly. “Batman, wait-” Luthor pleaded. This was not how Jason had wanted Bruce to break his code.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“YOU MURDERER!” Screeched Bruce, righteous fury echoing in his voice. The heart monitor cut off. A hand reached down to cut off Luthor’s windpipe.

“I have this…” Came Luthor’s strangled voice. He looked terrified. “Under control…Grayson…” The hand squeezed harder. “-kk-!” The man chocked. Bruce lessened up slightly. “It’s not too late, you idiot.” Spat Luthor. Bruce was apparently passed the point of listening.

“YOU MURDERED NIGHTWING.” He growled, tightening his grip once more. Luthor was going bug eyed. The man was going to actually die if Bruce pushed it much harded.

“Batman-” Came Selina’s voice.

“Luthor killed Dick, Selina.” Bruce said, his voice strangled.

“You said this lightning rod was from the future! Maybe we can use it to save him or something? I don’t know-!” She cried desperately.

A flash of light and crackle of electricity resounded through the cave. The screen went black for a moment.

Jason could hear metal clinking on the floor.

“Why are we still watching this?” Jason asked hoarsely. Tim looked at him palely.

“I need to know what happened next.” He whispered.

“If I hadn’t stopped Grayson’s heart, this ‘Murder Machine’ would have detonated and we all would have died. I had to make a choice, Batman. I made him flatline…after I forced him to swallow a cardioplegia pill.” The camera slowly tilted back up to focus on Luthor.

“A what?” Asked Steph and Selina at the same time.

“A drug that paralyzes the cardiac muscles surrounding the heart.” Replied Tim and Bruce in sync.

“Then…” Trailed off Damian. The boy looked up hopefully at the screen.

“And if this boy’s heart doesn’t get a shot of adrenaline right this very second he’s going to stay dead.” Luthor finished.

*kaff*

That small cough was the best sound Jason had heard in his entire life.

“YES!” Shouted Tim.

Damian swallowed. “As I expected.” He said shakily. No one called him out on it.

“Dick?” Came Bruce’s voice from the screen.

“Batman?” Dick’s wobbly voice whispered.

Cass tackled Steph into a bear hug, and Steph laughed widely as they clattered to the floor. Jason just sighed deeply and let his head drop into his hands in relief.

“Drake-” gasped Damian, “-get off.”

“You were right! Damian was right! Dick’s alive. HAHA Dick’s ALIVE!” Jason glanced up to see Tim squeezing the crap out of Damian who was going slightly blue in the face. There were words coming from the speakers still but they fell to the wayside in the celebration. Jason walked over and turned the volume down.

“I’m going to kill them.” Jason muttered under his breath. But he’d save that for later, for now, he just paced back to his chair and sunk into it. The cave was quiet for a few minutes, Dick and Bruce continued on whatever the fuck adventure they were on was. The rest of the video was a blur. By the end, Jason’s racing heart had settled, and the kids had stopped clinging to each other.

“But wait.” Said Steph as the video ended. “If Dick’s alive, where is he? How did you even know to look?”

Jason turned to see Tim babbling. “Well I have a few theories, we recovered more footage as well, you know? Like Damian found pictures of him all across the world so like, we don’t know for certain where he is, but like I don’t know for sure what happened, but maybe someone was compromised so like, he had to stay hidden or like…” Tim continued babbling as the next video began to play. It was once again footage from the cowl. “Bruce shut off all the camera’s in the cave for the next week, I thought he was sulking but like we were able to find some cowl footage that he deleted, and like hopefully from that we can figure out what happened and how to track him down-”

“Turn up the volume.” Demanded Cass from her seat. She was looking at the screen with an odd expression. Damian moved without hesitation. Jason’s eyes followed up to the screen. Dick was glaring into the camera his fists raised and wrapped.

“So, one more time Dick. But now there’s only one rule…You have to win.” Came Bruce’s gruff voice. The pair was in the cave. Dick lunged towards the camera. “You let the crime syndicate capture you. Let them torture you. You let them give your secrets to the world.” Bruce accused.

“Bruce man, what the fuck!” Steph yelled, masking Dick’s response.

Bruce continued “You let them turn you into a bomb. You let them kill you. Before Luthor rescued you, you let everyone WATCH YOU DIE.” He boomed.

“YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” Jason bellowed, knocking over his chair as he stood. He walked away from the screen. Only fucking Bruce. Only fucking Bruce would blame someone for their death. Jason knew that all too well. He walked away from the screen, giving himself distance to clear his head.”

“I trained you to LIVE, and I watched you DIE!” CRACK. Jason flipped around to see Bruce elbow Dick in the face, drawing blood. Bruce’s words cut like a knife. It wasn’t Jason’s fault he died. It wasn’t Dick’s fault either. Neither Steph’s or Damian’s. Damian had unconsciously taken cover behind Tim, who was standing between Damian and the screen with an arm hovering over the kid’s shoulder.

“WHAT THE FUCK BRUCE!” Screamed Steph at the screen, she was also on her feet at this point. Only Cass’s hand prevented her from trying to fight the digital apparition. “WE DON’T JUST GO AROUND DYING WILLY NILLY, IT’S NOT MY-, IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!” Her voice shrilly echoed around the cave, drowning out the audio temporarily.

Dick was on his knees, wiping his bloody nose, looking up confused. WHACK. A powerful kick sent him flying off the platform, crashing into a costume display case. “I have a mission for you, Dick. I need you to do something that will hurt your friends. Your family.” Bruce commanded. He could hear Damian inhale sharply. Tim stopped hovering and pulled Damian tightly into his chest, rushing forward to pause the video, with the boy in tow. His hand was over the button before Cass sprung forward and grabbed his wrist. Jason had never seen Cass look this angry without the mask.

“I deserve to know.” She said with conviction, anger deep in her voice. “I deserve to know what kind of father he is.” She spat. Jason wasn’t going to touch that with a ten foot pole.

“But he shouldn’t, I mean I don’t know if, I mean I don’t know what, I mean-” Tim sputtered glancing from the screen to Damian and back again.

“I want to know the truth.” Came Damian’s tiny reply. He looked so young, he pushed away from Tim’s chest, but leaned into his side.

Cass pulled Tim’s hand back. “I fought him once.” She admitted. “I need to know.” She repeated.

Tim looked at her pleadingly. Bruce and Dick raged at each other on screen. Blood flowed from the cuts on Dick’s back. “I…I…” Tim stammered.

“We all deserve to know.” Steph piped up, leaning against the side of the computer.

“Fight like you’re alive!” Bruce yelled on the screen. CRACK. An oversized die broke on impact with the back of Dick’s head. Dick retaliated, throwing a question mark back.

The words were blurring in Jason’s head, his rage clouding his thoughts, and overtaking his senses. The rest of the world was disappearing, leaving only the screen behind. His vision tunneled. He crossed his arms as tightly as he could, willing himself to stay in place. Stay calm. His hearing cut out. But he could still read his name on his brother’s lips just before Bruce delivered an uppercut powerful enough to knock Dick off the dinosaur.

The next thing Jason knew Cass was sitting on him. People were yelling at him.

“-on’t break the screen-”

“-up I need to see-”

“-op fighting-”

Cass smiled apologetically before tapping a pressure point. Jason allowed himself to fade into the darkness.

 He came to in a medical bay of the cave, with an intense desire to get out. This place was cursed. He needed out, he needed to think, he needed to process, but he needed to get out. He pushed himself up and swung his legs off the bed.

“Wait.” Came a voice from behind him. He spun off the bed to see Tim, awkwardly standing on the other side of the cot. Jason edged towards the door. “We know where he is.” Tim offered. Jason glanced at Tim, and back to the door.

“Can we talk somewhere else?” He asked quietly. He didn’t want to be in the cave for this. Tim awkwardly bobbed side to side.

“Uh about that. We’re moving out.” He said quickly. Jason opened the door.

“OMGIT’SREDHOODHIMR.REDHOODSIRPLEASEDON’TKILLTIM-”

Jason slammed the door in the kid’s face. He stared at Tim, who was banging his head into the wall with a hand covering his eyes.

“Do I even want to know?” Jason asked. Tim groaned.

“I called my team to help us move out, we’re going to use the bunker for Gotham operations from now on.” Tim explained. A loud crash came from outside. The door whipped open.

“Heythegiantpennyisn’t-” The kid started. Jason growled at him. “-nevermindbyebye.” The speedster zipped away and slammed the door.

“You decided this without me?” Jason asked, raising an eyebrow at Tim. Tim looked back at him sheepishly.

“You’re already out voted. Besides you really want to stay here?” He replied evenly. Jason shrugged, that was fair. He’d already tried to leave. “I know you said you don’t want to talk here, but I don’t know when I’ll get you alone again.” Jason sighed. That’s valid, he was planning on avoiding the family for a bit. “Please don’t pull a disappearing act.” Jason looked up at him.

“Why not?” He challenged.

“We don’t need Bruce to be a family.” Tim replied. It sounded rehearsed. That was also fair. “And we need each other too. We found some communications from Dick, Bruce left him stranded when he got amnesia, he’s coming back in a few days.” Jason couldn’t look Tim in the eye anymore.

“I don’t know what to do.” He said honestly, looking at Tim’s shoes. What do you say after something like this? After watching something like that. After knowing the truth.

“Neither do we, but we’ll figure it out together.” Tim offered. He looked sad, tired, his face fell before he spoke again. “He…he misses us.” He spoke softly. “On the recordings. I, I don’t think Bruce even told him about Damian.” Jason swore softly under his breath. Bruce was one fucking piece of work.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Jason said after a moment, catching Tim’s eye once more.

Tim shook his head. “The rest of the tape was mostly the same.” He said quietly. “He won.” He added as an afterthought. Jason snorted. Tim gave a warry smile. None of them ever won. Not in the ways they wanted to. Only when the prizes were more pain, more guilt, more heartbreak.

Jason leaned back against the wall. How was this the way things ended up? Was Bruce always this cruel? The man was unrecognizable to Jason. It was inexcusable. After Willis? After Cain? After Brown? Hell, even Tim’s father was emotionally abusive before he died. Why couldn’t any of them have a normal father? A stable parental relationship. It wasn’t fair. And it hurt more because he didn’t even know where it started. Bruce had been a good father to him. Had that been a lie? He’d never looked to closely at why Dick had left home, could it be that…that…? Had Jason missed something like this? Would he ever even know what he’d missed? They didn’t have as many cameras back then.

Tim had crossed the room and put a hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be okay.” He said confidently. “As long as we have each other, we’ll all be okay.” Tim squeezed his shoulder gently before disappearing through the door into the chaos that used to be his childhood fantasy. When had it all gone so wrong, he had to ask himself. He hated that he knew the answer. His death was this fucking family’s original sin. But you know what, that wasn’t his fault. Even if it felt like it. Even if Bruce still blamed him. Dick didn’t look at him like a ghost, he didn’t look at him like a kid in over his head, like a regret, like a mistake. It was time for Bruce to grow the hell up and move on. Bad experiences don’t justify beating your kids. Maybe from here, they could move on. Maybe from here on, they could heal. Maybe they could start over. Maybe they could make their own new family. Bruce had abused them, lied to them, manipulated them enough. It was time to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and fly again. He wouldn’t know unless he tried. He didn’t have to give up on Gotham. But maybe it was time to give up on Bruce.

Jason swung open the door, descending into a future unknown, diverging from the circle of heartache and abuse. He had broken the cycle once before, on his own, with a new family made of friends, one of his choosing. And now he chose to break it once more, and this time he resolved not to leave his siblings behind.

#dickgraysonweek2021 #dickgraysonweek #dick grasyon #nightwing #batfamily #my writing #tw domestic abuse #tw child abuse #tw swearing

[originalhybridloverfics]

Bodyguard CH10

A/N: No, your eyes do not deceive you. This is in fact a new chapter. I'm sorry about not updating in what feels like 87 years. I found my way down the Edser rabbit hole and can't find my way back out. I hope you like this chapter.

Felicity looked up as she heard voices and saw Oliver and Digg talking in front of her door.

Her chest tightened at the sight of Oliver.

Over the past few days, she had tried distancing herself from Oliver once she realized her feelings for him were anything but platonic or professional and were growing stronger by the day.

However, it was harder to do than she anticipated. Especially when she was living with him, temporarily, and spent all her time with him.

Still, she did her best to create a distance between them. She made sure whenever they were at the shelter that they were never alone, and when they were at his place, she was careful to not spend any time with him with just the two of them that wasn’t necessary.

She refused group dinners and drinks, she ate breakfast on the go and she kept their talks short and strictly business.

Oliver was persistent of course but she more than held her ground and stuck to her conviction of shutting him out as much as possible.

She knew Oliver didn’t understand why she was pushing him away but she had to do whatever it took to protect herself and right now every survival instinct was telling her she needed to protect every part of herself especially her heart.

Fear was a monster. It was ugly and it was consuming. It crept beneath your skin, shook you to your core, and made you question everything, every decision you make, everyone around you.

It whispered doubts in your head.

Felicity feared the connection between Oliver and herself. It felt stronger every single day he was at her side.

It terrified her.

She was scared that the connection between them would grow strong enough for him to completely break her and she couldn’t shatter again.

It took her forever to pick up the pieces of herself that Cooper had broken.

And even then she was never able to fit her pieces back together perfectly.

Felicity, she was Fractured. Scarred. Damaged.

Oliver deserved better than what she could offer him.

He just hasn’t realized it yet but he will. She was saving them from pain in the long run.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly, looking toward the door impatiently, sitting on a hospital bed.

He had spent half the day trying and failing to figure out why Felicity was suddenly shutting him out and the other half in the gym, training while John took over being Felicity’s full-time guard. Pair her orders.

Had he offended her in some way? Did his concern for her come across as too overbearing?

God, it bothered him that she was pulling away from him. It was like a sledgehammer was slammed into his chest and the feeling wouldn’t go away.

It was awkward as hell when they returned to his home. Felicity barely spoke a full sentence to him or stayed in a room alone with him for more than five minutes.

If he didn’t know better he would think she was afraid of him but that was crazy.

He would never hurt her. She had to know that, right?

His thoughts were going to drive him crazy.

The door to the room opened and in walked Tommy Merlyn. “When I saw your name in my folder, I thought I was seeing things. You hate hospitals.” Tommy looked his friend over. “You don’t look like you require emergency medical treatment.”

Oliver lifted his hands. “They might be broken.”

Oliver fought to keep a straight face. He knew his hands weren’t broken but he wanted an excuse to come to see his friend when he knew Tommy was busy working in the emergency room in the hospital.

Tommy sent him a doubtful look, setting his clipboard down, he pulled on a pair of gloves and reached for Oliver’s hands inspecting them.

“You have some abrasions, and your hands are pretty banged up but they’re not broken.” Tommy started cleaning the blood from his knuckles and applying a healing and disinfectant ointment. “You want to tell me what you’re really doing here?”

“I needed to talk to someone. I need an outsider’s perspective.” Oliver told him.

“And this couldn’t wait till my shift ended?” Tommy inquired, wrapping Oliver’s hands up.

“It could have but I can’t promise I wouldn’t have gone at least a little bit insane from not talking to someone,” Oliver responded.

“Okay,” Tommy laughed. “If you’re that desperate to talk to someone I can spare a little time. What’s on your mind, Ollie?”

“I’ve been working this new job.” Oliver started.

“The bodyguard job for some client or another.” Tommy supplied.

“Right, “ said Oliver. “Anyway, I met this woman and she’s amazing, she’s beautiful, kind, smart and her strength astounds me and it’s complicated, cause she’s the client,”

“Wait, you’re sleeping with your boss?” Tommy said surprised. Oliver had always taken his job seriously and didn’t like to mix his personal life with his business life.

“No, it’s not like that.” Oliver protested. “We’ve never-”

“But you want to?” Tommy interjected.

Of course, Oliver wanted to. He had to be blind and idiot not to but what he felt for Felicity was more than an attraction. He had feelings for her.

And it was so real for him. Maybe the realist thing he’s ever felt for a woman.

The problem was he didn’t know how Felicity felt about him. He knew she was attracted to him but was that all it was for her? He hoped not.

“I like her a lot.” Oliver finally answered.

“If you don’t care that’s she your boss then what’s the problem?” Tommy inquired.

“I think...I think she might be afraid of me.” Oliver hated having to say the words. He hated thinking it but lately, he felt like Felicity was shutting him out to protect herself. From him.

The notion was a jagged blade twisting in his chest, carving him from the inside. ‘

“Afraid of you?” Tommy repeated incredulously. “You would never hurt a woman.”

“I know that but I’m not sure she does,” Oliver confessed. “She’s been hurt before her.”

“Oh,” Tommy said.

“Oh?” Oliver repeated. “Why do you say it like that?”

“Like there’s more meaning behind that one little word.” Oliver insisted.

“When you say hurt, do you mean physically or emotionally?” Tommy questioned.

“Both,” Oliver said after a moment.

“Then I can see why she’s not open to growing closer with you.” At Oliver’s continued look of confusion, Tommy elaborated. “Women with a history of an abusive relationship have a harder time letting any man close again because the last time they did they didn’t just have their heart broken. In most cases, the woman was hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally. The physical wounds? Those heal if they’re lucky enough to get out but what stays with them the most are the mental wounds.”

“How do you know so much about this?” Oliver questioned in surprise.

“I’ve seen more than a few women come in here after being tossed around by someone they love since working in the ER for the last two years,” Tommy said. “Your girl, Felicity, if she’s purposely creating a distance between you, pushing you away then it is more than like self-preservation on her part. She’s doing whatever she can to protect herself and being alone is probably the only way she knows how to protect her heart.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Oliver asked.

“First, it’s important, you don’t push her,” Tommy advised. “Second, have a frank discussion about your feelings but you have to take her feelings into account, too. Tell her what’s on your mind, find out if she’s scared of you or of getting hurt, try and reassure as much as you can that you would never push her and finally, let her make the first move.”

Oliver nodded. “Okay,” Oliver grabbed up his coat, pulling it on. “Tommy, do you still get women coming in here recently who have been abused.”

“All the time,” Tommy admitted sadly.

Oliver pulled out his wallet and pulled out the business card for the shelter. “Give this to any of the abused women that come in here. It’s a place that can help them. They’ll be protected. Give them a chance at something better.”

Tommy accepted the card. “Do I want to know?”

Oliver patted his friend on the chest. “Thanks for the advice, Tommy.”

“Anytime, now get out of here. I have real emergencies to tend to.” Tommy walked out of the room, calling over his shoulder that a nurse would be in shortly with his discharge papers.

Oliver decided he wasn’t going to wait around for that and walked on out. He had a strategy forming in his mind, now he needed to get a plan together and make it happen.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity was surprised when Oliver called asking for the rest of the night off but she allowed calling in one of the recruits to fill in for him.

She wasn’t sure what he was doing but it wasn’t her business what he did with his free time or what he considered important to take time off work for. It didn’t stop her from being curious about it, though.

She didn’t even know if he would be home when Digg drove her back to the apartment at the end of the day.

She said goodnight to Digg who walked her to Oliver’s door and didn’t leave till Felicity was safely inside using the key Oliver had given her.

Felicity shut the door and locked it behind her. Oliver didn’t have one of those state of art security systems which she knew because he believed he was his own security system. Who better to defend his home than himself.

“Oliver?” Felicity called out, walking into his living room. She tossed her bag on the couch took off her coat, throwing it over the back of the couch. She held onto the back as she toed off her shoes.

The smell of food filled the apartment, a delicious aroma that made her stomach grumble with hunger.

“In the kitchen,” Oliver called out.

Felicity walked into the kitchen to find the counter, set nicely for dinner as Oliver set a pan he pulled from the oven in the center, followed by a pan of bread.

“Did you make us dinner?” Felicity asked in surprise.

“I did,” Oliver smiled at her. “And I got you this,” Oliver turned and pulled out a bottle of wine from a container of ice. “Red is your favorite, right?”

“It is.” Felicity felt a flutter in her stomach, a light feeling spreading across her chest. “You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

“I wanted to,” Oliver said, voice soft. “Sit please, everything is almost done.”

Felicity took the seat and watch him move around the kitchen a quiet smile on her lips, momentarily forgetting that she was doing her best to avoid him.

Sometimes the pull to him was just too strong to resist. Like right now.

He was always so at home in the kitchen. There was always this weight he carried on his shoulders, this alertness about him like he was prepared to be attacked at any moment, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing since it was his job to be ready to fend off an attack but it made Felicity want to pull him in her arms and tell him it was okay to let his guard down sometimes.

That need to assure him everything was fine always left a flash of fear behind. She shouldn’t feel this away about him.

Watching him now, it was like all of that weighed him down and kept alert fell away and she got to see Oliver the man and not Oliver Queen the bodyguard.

“How everything go today? Any new problems?” Oliver asked as he set the table with their filled plates.

“No new problems,” Felicity answered as he poured them some whine. “What did you do today?”

“Let off some steam, visited my friend Tommy, I believe I’ve mentioned him a few times.” Oliver took the seat across from her.

“You did,” Felicity confirmed, she lifted the glass of wine to her lips, tasting the liquid on her tongue, she hummed quietly to herself. “He’s a doctor right?”

Oliver nodded, taking a bite of the bread he made. “He is. Works in the ED.”

“This is the same Tommy from Thea’s stories?” Felicity asked. “Because I gotta say I was still expecting to be more of a wild card.”

“He’s both.” Oliver gave a small laugh. “He’s serious when he needs to be but he lets out that other side of himself after a few drinks but he’s a good man.”

“Much mike yourself,” Felicity said, taking a bite of her food.

Something warmed in Oliver’s chest that Felicity believed him to be a good man. That had to help his case in the larger scheme of things. He opens his mouth to reply but snapped it shut, listening as a sound of pleasure escape Felicity’s lips.

Her eyes were closed as if she was savoring the taste and there was a flush to her cheeks that wasn’t there before, her tongue darted to chase the taste on her lips.

He tightened his hand on his fork as desire shot through him, wanting to hear the sounds she was making, the look of pleasure on her face for a different reason, involving him, and absolutely zero clothing.

Felicity’s eyes fluttered open slow. “Wow, that is really good. I know I said before I really didn’t expect you to be such a good cook. It’s like dining at a five-star restaurant.”

Oliver laughed. He knew his cooking was good but it wasn’t that good. “You don’t have to flatter me, Felicity.”

“This is not flattery, it is fact,” Felicity argued, pointing her fork at him warning him. “Don’t knock what I say. If I say it's the best meal I had in years then it is.”

Oliver held his hands up in surrender, a carefree smile pulling at his lips. “Got it, it’s utterly delicious.”

“Exactly,” Felicity took another bite, her eyes closing as she savored the food.

Oliver wasn’t sure if he was turned on by her utter enjoyment or amused that she was so vehement that it was as good as she thought.

Oliver spent most of the meal just gazing at Felicity, enjoying just being in her presence. Felicity excluded this light and he felt it cut through his darkness.

Felicity offered to clear the table and do the clean-up. Oliver was quick to tell her she didn’t have to, he would take care of it but Felicity insisted in the end they compromised and ended up, doing it together.

“So, I was thinking that tomorrow I was going to go out and look for something bigger for everyone to move to, I figured I take you and Digg with me. I could use both of your expertise because we want somewhere that’s fortified, somewhere that’s big, something that can give them home and not feel like they're being locked away for their safety.”

“We can have Slade looked after everyone while we’re out.” Oliver agreed as they washed dishes. “I think I might have an idea about where we can look. I need to make some calls first.”

Felicity place the last dish in the cabinet and dried her hands. “Really? That’s great. The sooner we find somewhere the better.”

“I agree,” Oliver said. “Now that we have business out of way, I was hoping we could talk.”

“Talk about what?” Felicity's brow furrowed.

“I know things have gotten a bit tense between us,” Oliver began, turning toward Felicity, he took her hand in his and stepped closer. “I know you think I’m being over-protective but that’s not it, it’s more than that. This job isn’t a job for me. I want to protect you, I want to help people. it’s who I am.”

“I know,” Felicity nodded, looking up at his earnest blue eyes. “Who you are is why I feel like I can trust you and trust isn’t easy for me. I trust you more than I thought was possible.”

But still, there were things she would never trust in a man again. It wasn’t Oliver's fault. It is what it is.

Oliver copper her cheek and his warmth soaked into her skin, making her feel at home. “Do you trust that you mean more to me than a job?”

Felicity’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. “Oliver,” she whispered. She didn’t think he would address this thing between them so head-on.

Oliver fell to the look in her eyes, the way she said his name. Like a prayer.

He closed the distance between and pressed his mouth to Felicity’s. He felt her tense, her body freezing up and he cursed himself.

He shouldn’t have done that.

But then suddenly, he felt Felicity’s lips pressing back against his.

He pulled back to look into her eyes, see her reaction.

Her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright.

“Felicity,” he whispered, voice low.

Felicity surged forward grasping his face in her hands and pulled his mouth back to hers.

Oliver groaned, he wrapped his arms around, pulling her flush against his front.

She was so small in his arms but so perfect, he licked at the seam of her lips. His tongue sweeping inside when she opened for him, tasting her mouth as her hands fisted his shirt and smooth up his arms, gripping his biceps.

He secured his hand across her waist and lifted her, sitting her on the counter.

He tilted her head back deepening their kiss, pulling her hair free from her ponytail and running his hands through her long strands.

Felicity’s hand moved over his back, hiking her legs up to wrap around his waist, pushing him closer.

Her hands dove into his hair, beneath slipping beneath his shirt. He didn’t care that her fingers trail across his skin. All he could think about was her skin pressed against his, her hands exploring her body.

He slipped one hand beneath her shirt, her skin was soft as he slid up her ribs, and gripped her pulling her forward and grounding his hips against her, desiring shooting through him.

Felicity gave a gasp and then she was placing her hand on his chest and pushing him back. “Stop, we can’t do this.”

Her words like ice on his skin. He stopped immediately, removing his hands from her body. “Felicity, I-”

“We can’t do this,” Felicity repeated, she pushed at him again and he took a step back giving her the space she wanted.

Felicity jumped down from the counter and ran her hand through her hair. “This can’t happen, Oliver. It’s important that we keep this professional.”

Oliver could see the way her hand shook, and how she avoided looking at him. Everything inside of him was telling him that she was scared. Scared of feeling something for someone? Scared of feeling something real. Scard to give her heart to someone again.

“I don’t think I can do that. It’s hard to be professional when you want to be with someone.” Oliver said, wanting Felicity to know how he felt. “I feel like we’ve been skirting around the attraction between us and I’m tired of pretending that I don’t have feelings for you.”

Felicity shook her head. “Oliver, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes, I do. I know how I feel about you and no one can tell me what I feel. I think I know my own heart.”

“You don’t want me, Oliver,” Felicity felt tears gather in her eyes but she refused to cry. “I’m damaged. I won’t ever be good for you. You are amazing and can do so much better than someone who still has nightmares about a piece of shit ex.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Oliver said vehemently. “You're the most amazing woman I have ever known. You're beautiful and smart and resilient and have a strength inside of you that I have never known, Any man in the world would be lucky to have you. I want to be that man.”

“No, you don’t.” Felicity shook her head and took a step away from him.

Oliver wanted to pull her closer but it was clear by the way she wrapped her arms around herself she didn’t want to be touch in any way and he was going to respect that.

“I get it you’re scared, you’ve been heart in ways I can’t imagine, you were betrayed by someone you loved and nothing I say will change that but you don’t have to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. I would rather die than to ever see you hurt let alone be the cause of your pain. Please, don’t turn away from this because you're scared I’ll be like him. I could never be like him.”

Felicity’s heart clenched painfully. Oliver’s words while meant to be reassuring were the opposite. He was making very clear how deeply he cared for her and it only made this harder for her.

“I know you won’t hurt me.” Felicity's voice shook with the effort not to cry, to stay strong. “I know you’re not like Cooper but I can’t let you get close. I can’t care about you so much that I let you have power over me.”

If Cooper taught her anything it was love meant having power over someone and she couldn’t let that happen again no matter what she felt for Oliver.

“I can’t do it.” Felicity felt herself breaking inside and was becoming increasingly difficult to keep it together. “I won’t.”

Oliver shook his head. Love wasn’t having power over someone. It was giving yourself to someone, it was caring for someone, it was putting their wellbeing and happiness before your own. It was trusting them with all you have. Your heart, your body, your soul, everything that made you who you are.

“I don’t want to have power over you, Felicity,” Oliver said earnestly. He needed to be open with her but he also had to let her make the choice of what happened next. “I want to be your strength. I want to be the pillar that holds you up when you need some help. I want to be the person you turn to but more than anything I want to love you and I want you to let me.”

His words were so beautiful and God, Felicity wanted to let Oliver be all those things but she couldn’t. “I’m sorry but I can’t. I just can’t.” She could no longer keep her tears in as they slide down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

A/N: I hope you like the chapter. The next Olicity update will be I Can't Let Her Die.

Thank you to everyone still here, reading my fics even though I take forever to update.

Tags: @mariestark @memcjo

Sorry about the lack tags but I lost my tag list for this story and can't remember all who wanted to be tag for this. Feel free to remind me if you want to be tagged so I can create a new list accordingly.

#arrow #olicity #olicity fic #fanfic #arrow fic #oliver x felicity #oliver queen #felicity smoak #bodyguard au #fic: bodyguard

[thegoddamnfangirl]

Ditz

Pairings: Damian Wayne x Reader

 Requested by anon: Hello there! Could you do Damian Wayne x Reader where the reader is super sweet and cute and stuff but she's also really ditzy so everyone (including the rest of the Batfam) thinks she's dumb and it's weird, because Damian hates being around dumb people, but then they find out that she's actually like a genius and she just comes across as ditzy like that because she just really loves being around people. By the way, I love love LOVE your writing!! Every story of yours I read makes me so happy

Thank you so much, anon! I hope you’re safe and healthy, wherever you are. I’m sorry I’ve been inactive forever, and this fic isn’t my best work, I’ve gotten really rusty- but it was really a pleasure to write this for you, and I’m glad you enjoy my fics!

“Father, I’ll be having a friend over today,” said Damian, looking keenly at Bruce across the dinner table.

Bruce looked up from his food, a bit confused.

“A friend that isn’t Jon?” he asked.

“No, she’s a classmate, she- don’t look at me like that Father. Stop. Stop smiling, it’s uncomfortable!” said Damian, scowling.

“What? I’m not smiling!” said Bruce, with humor in his voice. “It’s just, it’s good, I’m glad you’re making friends. I’ll tell your brothers to not walk around in their uniforms.”

Damian shrugged in response, hoping his father hadn’t noticed the slight redness in his cheeks.

---

“WhoOP-“

“(Y/N)!” sighed Damian, grabbing her by the arm as she half-fell over the threshold.

“Sorry!” she laughed. “I’m hyper when I’m excited.”

Damian didn’t respond. Not letting go of her arm, he led her into the manor, towards one of the more favorably furnished drawing rooms (there had been several incidents some others, including someone absolutely ravaging one of the stiffly furnished ones, and one of the sitting rooms being converted into a slobby, messy, caffeine scented “family room”).

“I’d take you to my room but I’m afraid my father wouldn’t permit it,” he sighed.

“That’s alright, Dami,” she responded, smiling at him. “Is everything good with you and your dad?”

“As good as it ever was,” responded Damian, glancing quickly around the room as they entered it. Then he lowered his voice, and said-

“I’ve found that it makes him…warmer, somehow, if I engage in typical adolescent activities. It’s…nice, that way,” he said, his voice catching on the last part as if he wasn’t quite sure what he was saying.

She squeezed his arm, eyes bright.

“I’m glad. See, I told you- with family, all it takes is effort.”

“Yes, well-oh,” Damian stopped mid-sentence, his eyes on the door.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” said Bruce, with a small smile at (Y/n).

“Oh, that’s okay! I mean, hi- hello, Mr. Wayne-“ (Y/n) said, or rather jabbered, words tumbling one on top of another as she got up to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, (Y/n). Damian-“ said Bruce, looking towards his son, “I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be flying over to Metropolis tonight, but Dick-“ he was interrupted by a giggle from (Y/n), which he chose to ignore “-will be coming over to stay till I get back. No staying out too late, okay?”

“Yes, Father,” said Damian, shooting (y/n) as amused look.

“Anyway, (Y/n), it was great to meet you, I have to get going-“ Bruce began, just as (Y/n) backed up a little and rammed into a small side table.

“WeLP-oh my god, I’m sorry,” said (y/n) as the table fell over. Luckily, there was nothing breakable on it.

Bruce made sure, in a few short words, that (Y/n) was okay, and left the two to their own devices, wondering how it was that Damian had not uttered a single disparaging remark the whole time.

---

“Damiiiii I’m hoooome~” sang Dick, deliberately adopting the high, jaunty tone of voice he knew Damian hated so much.

The manor seemed pretty much empty, so Dick checked all the training rooms, and then he checked the Batcave. No sign of his little brother.

He was just about to call Damian when he heard a resounding thud from upstairs, followed almost immediately by a clang.

It sounded like it came from the little attic room that Damian would use as a studio, so Dick rushed directly upstairs, and shoved the door open to see-

A girl around Damian’s age, sprawled on the floor, her legs dripping with white paint. She was laughing, and a large can of paint was lying toppled on its side. Damian was looking at the girl with a mixture of exasperation and- amusement?

They both immediately looked up when Dick entered the room, and the girl hastily got to her feet.

“Hi!” she said, in an excited, chirpy tone. “I’m (Y/n), and you must be…Dick?” She extended her hand, which Dick took without thinking.

“Oh, shiz, sorry!” exclaimed (Y/n)- her hand was covered in paint, and now, so was Dick’s.

“Heh, that’s alright, kid,” said Dick, slowly processing the scene. Damian’s eyes were set intently on his face.

“Yeah, I’m Dick, you’re a…friend? Of Dami’s?” he asked.

“Yeah!” she nodded, previous embarrassment forgotten as she began to bounce a little on her heels. “Damian’s doing a portrait of me,” she added.

“That’s really nice of him,” Dick said, looking at Damian with incredulity. “I mean it, (y/n)…Damian isn’t nice at all, not ever!”

“Shut up, Richard,” growled Damian. “I need to get back to work.”

Dick laughed, with (Y/n) smiling as she assumed her position on a small stool in front of Damian’s easel, which faced away from the door.

---

Sometimes, when you really, really, like a person, you don’t want them to meet your family, or your family to meet them. The smaller your family, the larger the chances that this person will quickly be exposed to your entire family, but with a large family, you may hope to keep them hidden from some members, at least for a little while.

Damian hoped. He hoped in vain.

“She visited you? She visited you? Why?” hollered Damian.

“Relax, I liked your sister! She’s not a woman of many words, but she seems really nice,” said (Y/n), sincerely.

“Cassandra is not nice,” grimaced Damian. “She’s feral.”

“Damian, that’s not nice,” said (y/n), leaning forward in her armchair.

It was one of those really nice days when everyone was busy in their own thing, and Damian and (y/n) had a little privacy in a sitting room.

“Besides, Jason seems really funny,” (y/n) added.

Damian sat up straight in his chair, eyes flashing.

“Todd came to see you? WHY?”

“He was with Cass when she came over to give me the book I left at your place!” said (y/n). “I like your siblings, I really do.”

“That’s because you don’t know them,” whined Damian, knowing full well the real reason why Cassandra and Todd went to (y/n)’s.

Todd would call it reconnaissance. Damian called it being a busybody.

---

Within less than a month, through some excuse or the other, (Y/n) had been exposed to his whole family. The whole nuthouse. All Damian really needed at this point for his mother to go barging into her room at some ungodly hour and take her for blackmailing him or something, and the picture would be complete.

Damian’s real problem wasn’t what (y/n) thought of his family. It was more the way they had taken to teasing Damian, randomly whispering her name through the comms, asking him about his giiiiiirlfriiiend, someone (and he suspected either Stephanie or Todd) had even left an elaborately embroidered handkerchief with her initials on his bed. Even his father had joined in the joke, occasionally asking him if he needed any “tips” and whether he wanted to be taken to the jewelry store to scout for rings?

It was insufferable.

What bugged him the most, however, was the little talk he had had with Richard.

“Damian…listen. You really seem to like this girl,” Dick had said, making himself comfortable on the bed Damian had just made.

Damian had just shrugged.

“Look, I know what it’s like to really have a crush on someone, but she’s been coming over a lot, and before you start to get serious, I want you to think about how much you really like her. Do you think you’ll, erm, continue to like her?” Dick had asked, a little confused as to how to ask Damian the awkward question.

In spite of himself, Damian had asked what he meant.

“(Y/n) is very sweet,” Dick said, “but she’s a little, she doesn’t really seem your type.”

Damian had stared, as if waiting for him to continue, and he did.

“She’s adorable, Dami, but do you really have fun with her? I mean, not that kinda fun, just, I know if you’re going to seriously like someone they need to challenge you, they need to be sharp and-“

“Are you calling her dumb?” Damian had snapped, feeling his defensive hackles rising.

“No! It’s just, she seems a little scattered and, I dunno, ditzy? I know for a fact that you’re intolerant of anything but the very best in people, both intellect wise and strength wise.”

Damian had just sighed. “She’s much smarter than she looks.”

----

Tim and Bruce were staring.

(Y/n) was sitting cross legged on the carpet, flipping through a case file they had told her Richard was “going through for work, consulting a bit for the GCPD while he took some time off of his job”.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” she said, a goofy smile on her face as she put the file back on the central table.

She had come over to see Damian, and had been talking to Tim and Bruce whilst she waited for him. She’d gotten curious about the case file lying on the table, looked through it, and-

“She might have solved it,” Tim murmured to Bruce, half wondering how he had missed the subtle details (y/n) had picked up.

Bruce looked thoughtful.

“You seem quite observant, (y/n),” he said. “Would you like to give your input on some of the other cases we have? It would be quite helpful for the, uh, the GCPD to gain some fresh perspective.”

“Oh, sure,” chirped (y/n), entirely oblivious to all the surprise she had occasioned. “Let me just-“

She stood up sharply, forgetting that she had sidled almost entirely underneath the extended arm of a hardwood chair.

“Ouch!” she exclaimed, rubbing her head where she’d hit it. “Damn, I need to stop being so hyper,” she grumbled, earning a look of amusement from Tim.

Damian was quite pleased to hear that all of Dick’s previous doubts had been removed, and that the GCPD has received a sudden influx of invaluable input helping them solve at least two cases gone cold.

------

Okay, so i got a little awkward at the end. I’ll get it with practice, though.

Requests are open! Give me something to do y’all I’ll be in complete lockdown for a few more weeks! 

Also, for Damian x reader fics, could you guys please specify in the request roughly what age you’d want him to be around?

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne #robins #robin x reader #batfam #batman #bruce wayne #richard grayson #dick grayson x reader #nightwing #jason todd #jason peter todd #red hood #cassandra cain #black bat #damian al ghul #damian al ghul x reader #wayne #wayne manor #gotham #gotham city #gotham city police department #gcpd

[heckinhacker]

Sett x Reader - Only good memories I have.

word count: 1, 264

requested: yes! by anon: “  I HAVE AN IDEA! Can you please write about Sett and his first love from childhood? I think it could be like, she would help him when people bullied him and she would also stand by him like a good friend, but her parents makes her go away because she made herself a bad reputation around village but they would meet some time later? I don't know it's a good one but I hope you like it and enjoy writing it. Love you. 💗 “ 

warnings: Fic is in first POV - From Sett’s perspective! ; not sure if there are any other?? Ask to tag I guess- 

A/N: at original ask! ^^” [here]

I usually never drink alone. 

Normally, I hang around many people, around many women interested in me, it’s always loud and fun. 

But the last party made me think...why don’t I have a stable relationship? I have many admirers to at least try with. But I never do. Why? 

Here comes my reason for drinking alone today. In a toast for them. 

[Y/N] [L/N]. 

I haven’t seen them in years, to be honest. I have no idea why I still wonder how they are doing in life. How they grew up. I’m not really a sentimental person, but I keep thinking about them every time someone hits on me. 

Let me be honest here, as a kid I LOVED them. I really admired their bravery. They never hesitated before standing up for me. Back then I was just a half-breed brat, no one really cared how I felt. Well, a certain somebody cared. Cared enough to protect me - then befriend me. Partly thanks to them I am who I am now. I am way stronger. 

Did I mention it’s only partly? 

Yeah, that’s because they disappeared out of sudden. Just...poof. Gone. I tried searching for them but no one really cared to help half-vastayan brat. I was too young to try and reach out to them, wherever they disappeared to.

No matter the reason, they made me live through good memories. Hell, they’re the only good memories I have. (Beside ones that made my momma happy. You know the drill.) 

Now - on the other hand - I was strong enough to search for them, but I’ve lost track a long time ago. (It’s not like I never tried. I tried, nothing worked.) 

I’m overthinking again. I should stop drinking for today, I think I’ll go to sleep. 

Shit! I knew I should’ve stopped earlier with drinking, now I overslept to work. Noone will give me an earful of that, but still, I shouldn’t be like that. 

...I don’t know why I’m so worried. I’d love to see someone TRY to tell me something. I felt honestly tired, and seeing the pile of papers on my desk just made me groan. On my chair was sitting Catherine, playing with her long locks, rolling them around pointing finger. Here goes my right hand woman. 

- You’re late. 

- You know I’m never late.

- Well NOW you’re late. 

- Don’t YOU usually make my paperwork? - I tried to change a topic. 

- I do! But even “”The Boss”” needs a punishment for not doing his duties right. Have fun, Sett! - ...and she wasn’t having any of that. 

She stood up and left, making me regret every decision made yesterday. I forgot why I trust her so much. She’s strong.

And I’m stuck with paperwork for the rest of the day. Great. 

It’s been three hours and I can’t keep my eyes open. How boring paperwork can get? I hope it can't be more than it is now. Maybe I’ll take a short nap? 

Idea was great, but then one of my people walked into the room with a nervous smile.

- What. - I said harshly. Maybe unintentionally, blame it on my tiredness. 

- Boss, that one, weird person wants to see you. I’m not sure what they want, they just say you won’t regret it… - God, how much can one person shake? I rolled my eyes, standing up. 

- Well I hope this “weird person” is right. I need some entertainment right now. - I stood up from my desk and gave this chicken of a dude a slap on the back, starting walking beside him. 

Now I started wondering how is this person so sure I won’t regret it? They think they can beat me? Highly doubt that. I’d love to see that challenger. I never realised I was smirking with determination. I wanted to punch out my frustrations, so good timing, stupid random dude. I was ready to approach the incarnation of an idiot, but to my surprise there was no buff guy saying he’d come back for my head. 

It’s…[Y/N]. 

What was going on- what- 

- Heyy...I see you’re glad to see me? God, how did you grow up so much, what was your mother feeding you? Sheesh…- you sighed happily, slowly walking up to me. I still can’t believe my eyes.

- [Y/N], what…- I started, but instead of thinking, I just made big steps  to approach you faster. I hugged you tightly, dearly, now laughing loudly. - Ohhh my God! I can’t believe you came here all by yourself! 

- Well it certainly wasn’t easy? Your mom told me you’re at-

- Shhh. - I stopped you from talking. Not here, in front of my people. - I know. Come to my office, let’s talk, it’s been ages! 

- That’s true, but look how you managed to grow up with life! To think I was the one to protect The Big Boss when we were little. 

- Ah, stop that, you’re embarrassing me… - I murmured, scratching the back of my neck. 

- Okay, I’ll wait with that to your office - you teased, making me chuckle. 

After that one we walked in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s presence. I can’t believe they’re here now, I’m so excited!

...come think of it. I have no idea when I was so happy earlier in life after they disappeared. It’s like my childhood feelings are coming back to me, hitting my heart really hard.  

We were already in my office. I sat on the table, ignoring completely my responsibilities that Catherine gave me. You sat on the chair in front of me. I never tear my gaze away from you, I just can’t stop looking. 

- You grew to be really attractive yourself, you know? - I blurted out of sudden. Well, I always was blunt with them. 

- O-oh, did I? It’s really flattering, coming from eye candy like you. 

- Oooh. That was nice, [Y/N]. - and after that we had a wave of laughter together. Feels like good old days.  After that they sighed and patted my leg. 

- But Settrig, be honest with me. Okay? 

- I don’t like this expression, [Y/N]. 

- Your mom doesn’t know SHIT about this place, right? 

- ...She doesn’t. She thinks that I- 

- Work on building an orphanage? I heard. Got really surprised you weren’t there! 

- Hey, don’t be like that, I’m helping with funding that one, don’t be so harsh. 

- I won’t tell her, I know how it would break her heart. 

- ...thanks, [Y/N]. Still really reliable, I see? 

- As ever ,Settie.  - Ah, that nickname again. I can’t stop smiling, this sucks. 

- So, now be honest with me. Why did you disappear, I really missed you.

- ...I’m...not as strong as you think. I gained some opinions of me around the village and my parents couldn’t handle it. So they decided to flee till they could. Just because their child befriended half-breed. I hated this. I wanted to tell you - they never gave me a chance. 

- Then why do you call yourself ‘not as strong’? Moron, it’s none of your fault. 

- I felt guilty of leaving you behind. You must’ve been so lonely…

- I was. Weren’t you? 

- ...I was. - I didn’t really like the frown you made.  

-...Awh, come on. C’me here. - I opened my arms for you to come for a hug. You stood up and hid in my embrace right away. 

It’s been years, but I can tell I feel as comfortable around them as they never really were gone. This feels right. They always felt right to me. 

About my feelings…

 They never really disappeared in the first place. 

#hacker writes #league of legends #league of legends x reader #lol x reader #league of legends x y/n #league of legends x you #lol x y/n #lol x you #sett x reader #sett the boss x reader #lol sett x reader #sett x y/n #sett x you #sett the boss x y/n #sett the boss x you #sett the boss x s/o #sett x s/o #lol sett x you #lol sett x y/n #lol sett x s/o #ask to tag #league of legends imagines

[daretosnoop]

Chapter 7: Dr. Buford

Chapter 6:

Coming out after a hot bath, Bess meandered around the hotel room and watched the rain drizzle down. The reporter mentioned it would rain every day for the rest of the week. Bummer, how are we going to enjoy New Orleans now? Deep down Bess new that the idea of vacationing was gone now that Nancy found herself a mystery. Joining in on Nancy’s mysteries were fun, and nothing brought a gleam in Nancy’s eyes like a mystery. She’d been like that since they were kids, so really, if it bothered Bess, she would have long stopped being Nancy’s friend. But, she couldn’t deny that it hurt to be tossed aside so easily. The only consolation was the rain, at least Nancy had an excuse to hang out elsewhere.

Through the rain Bess saw the yellow-green hue emanating from the sign of Zeke’s curio shop. It really was a doozy of a place, though Bess felt bad that she dumped a bottle of sneezing powder onto Lamont. The poor guy didn’t even suspect her and blamed customers moving things around. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the food truck and an old man who sat at a patio table reading a newspaper. Bess’s stomach rumbled. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to eat a bit while finding out about the old man.

 Bess hurried over to the food truck and placed an order for crawfish. She then moved towards the old man and asked if she could sit by his side while she ate.

“Now why would I object to having such lovely company in this lovely rain we seem to be having?”

Bess smiled and pulled out a chair. Southern hospitality was about to meet Midwestern friendliness.

“Are you, by chance, Dr. Gilbert Buford?”

“That I am miss--?”

“Marvin. Do you know a Dr. Bruno Bolet? He passed away recently”.

“Of course I know him. He was my friend, not to mention my patient. Whole of New Orleans knows about the Bolets”.

“Right,” Bess started on her food. “I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about him?”

“Now why would you want to know about Dr. Bolet? You look to young to be spending time with an old coot like him”. Gilbert lowered his newspaper and looked thoroughly at Bess. He’d never see her around Bruno. The only young person Bruno kept around him was that curio shop owner Lamont.

“Dr. Bolet was you friend right? I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about him. What was he like? How did he die?”

“I would prefer a topic of a happier nature, but I do not want to be inhospitable,” Dr. Buford hesitated.

Score one for hospitality!

“I was Bruno’s friend, however, I cannot say he was mine”.

“Oh? Why so?”

“Fact is, while socializing with my fellow people, such as you, give me happiness, it did the opposite for Bruno. He was an eccentric man, an acquired taste. And the older he got, the less he seemed to care about how his idiosyncrasies negatively affected others”.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, take his nephew for one thing. Never talked to him. Never even talked to me about him. Never talked about his family. He wasn’t an egoist, but some might take it that way.”

“Did his idiosyncrasies ever bother you?”

Dr. Buford hesitated before responding. “There were times when Bruno was plain ridiculous. But, how should I put this?” Dr. Buford rubbed his hand on his chin in thought, “A mad scientist has sound reasoning and end result, even if it’s strange and abnormal to the rest of us”.

So it’s a matter of perspective? After his statement, Gilbert looked out into the rain for a while and Bess had to wonder how personal his last statement was. If Dr. Bolet wasn’t Dr. Buford’s friend, why did he react like so?

“For such an eccentric man, surely only an eccentric death suffices?” Bess quipped, hoping it would draw Dr. Buford back into the conversation. The old man turned and smiled, the orange light warmed his dark skin. He looked haggard and it struck Bess that Dr. Bolet died not too long ago. Grief acted in mysterious ways.

In an old professional voice, Dr. Buford answered, “He died of myocardial infraction likely caused by age-old atherosclerosis”. He then laughed at Bess’s confused expression. In all his years of study, he never understood why doctors gave such long complicated names to diseases when simple names existed. He once asked Bruno this as a jest, but the dentist spurred up with such vigor, declaring the whole medical industry as a farce. Everybody stared at them with the outburst and Gilbert asked himself again why he hung out with Bruno when the man did nothing but embarrass him.

“He died of a heart attack,” Gilbert clarified. “All too common with old age and with people who are socially isolated. “Apparently, the Bolet family has a history of heart attacks in old age, though none of them were health related”.

“So they were all fit as a fiddle, then one day, boom?” Bess asked.

Dr. Buford nodded. “Odd one, that family. But then again, this is New Orleans. Here the abnormal is normal, for those of us who are really in it, that is”.

Bess waited for the man to explain what he meant, but Dr. Buford did not elaborate.

“Funny thing was,” he said, “Bruno wasn’t always so recluse. Sure he was more reserved than others. The whole Bolet family was, but Bruno—well, after his brother’s death, something in him just broke, I guess”.

“How do they know it was a heart attack? Did they do an autopsy?”

Dr. Buford shook his head. “No. Given Bruno’s age, his family history, and the absence of foul play, an autopsy was declared unnecessary. His body was cremated as per his wishes. Funny thing is, he was the only member of his family to want a cremation”.

“Who decided to not do the autopsy?”

“Why, me. I was there when Bruno died. Saw it happen”.

“What happened?” Bess urged forgetting about her food.

“Well, I hadn’t seen him for a while so I went to visit him. When I arrived, the door was unlocked, as usual. I opened it and saw Bruno lying on the floor in obvious distress. Next thing I know, his housekeeper comes running up and just stared in shock. I sent her to call the ambulance. Then I—“.

Gilbert paused and thought over what he was going to say next.  

“Well, I bent down and saw he wasn’t breathing. I pulled him away from the door and began to do chest compressions. I kept doing it till the medics arrived but nothing they did made a difference”.

“And Dr. Bolet was unconscious the whole time?”

“Yes,” Gilbert sighed. “Yes he was. One mercy I suppose”.

“You said you came to meet him, why then was he at the front door?”

Dr. Buford stared oddly at Bess. “You ask a lot of questions. You a reporter or something?”

“You guessed it sir. I am a reporter. Given that this is the Bolet family, it’s only natural everyone wants to know what happened in all the details”.

“Well, I don’t know if it’s any of the public’s business, but I suppose I could tell you. You’ve been nicer than the other reporters”.

Score one for friendliness!

Dr. Buford looked up and thought over Bess’s question. “Wait a minute. Why, yes—he was holding something. A piece of paper. And on the floor was an envelope”. Dr. Buford turned sharply at Bess, eyes widening in realization. “He must’ve collapsed after reading that letter!”

“Do you remember anything else?” Bess asked, leaning towards Dr. Buford. The story was finally getting good.

Dr. Buford chuckled. “Miss reporter, it’s quite a miracle I’ve remembered this much”. But the man still thought hard. “The odd thing is the letter. It was no longer in Bruno’s hand when the paramedics arrived. He might have let go when I moved him, but then it would have been lying around nearby and I did not see any paper around the area”.

Dr. Buford pressed his fingertips together as he went through his memories. Then, it dawned on him and he let out a grin.

“Iggy”.

“Iggy?”

“Bruno’s pet iguana. Bruno let all pets roam around the house freely. Iggy soon developed an irritating habit of stealing paper and stockpiling it in the vent system. I can’t recall how many times his housekeeper would call, asking for another copy of the medication because Bruno brought it home and left it on the table for Iggy to snatch up. Iggy must have taken the paper that day”.

“Did you see Iggy that day?”

“No,” Gilbert confessed. “But Bruno told me he was training Iggy to retrieve the things he’d stolen”.

“Dr. Buford,” Bess waited a moment before going forth with her question. “Do you think it’s possible that the housekeeper caused Dr. Bolet’s death? Maybe anger or vengeance or greed? Maybe she horded his pills and gave it all at once or something?”

“Young lady,” Gilbert exclaimed. “Are you insinuating that Bruno was murdered? I know you reporters need a good catch scoop, but possible murder is pushing the limits! And besides, if Bruno’d died from an overdose, he would have looked and reacted differently. No,” Dr. Buford hit the table with his hand. “I am certain it was a heart attack”.

Why is he so adamant?

“However,” Dr. Buford added as an afterthought. “I know Renee is deeply involved with the practice of hoodoo. As Bruno’s housekeeper, she had perfect opportunity to use it against my poor old friend”.

“Surely you jest! Hoodoo works?” Bess laughed.

“Miss reporter, one thing you should take to heart in your career is to never ever underestimate the power of suggestion. If a person believes something, even on a subconscious level, fantasy can easily become fact.  Who knows what rubbish Renee filled Bruno’s head with. Drink this, don’t eat that, this brings good luck, that brings bad luck. Day in, day out—even if he didn’t believe in the stuff, who knows how much his subconscious was absorbing. Remember he was very old, very isolated, very lonely. He was a vulnerable man”.

“So it is possible that Renee could have caused Dr. Bolet’s heart attack?”

“Now don’t quote me on this because I still say it was not murder, but yes, she very well could have”.

So he doesn’t have a good opinion of Renee. I wonder why? Bess thanked Dr. Buford and hurried back to her hotel. Once inside, she called Nancy and conveyed what she had learned.

 Nancy woke up to crows cawing at each other. For a sweet moment she relished going back to sleep. The bed and pillows were very soft and Nancy was not ready to take on the day yet. Then her body woke her up to her position. One leg was half off the bed, numb. One hand was holding onto her phone. Her notebook was lying open and her pen left an ink stain on the paper. Her arms were splayed out and her back was aching. Slowly she lifted herself up and her bed head came tumbling forward. Her eyes slowly closed but the caws opened them back up. Nature was in no mood to let her sleep.

Nancy recalled her conversation last night. Bess was right in her assumption that Dr. Buford seemed way too quick to make a diagnosis. Then again, he was a doctor. But he provided Nancy with a better understanding of that envelope. Now she was sure that Dr. Bolet was reading a letter from Milo Research and Technology, and Nancy had a hunch it was to do with the whisperer skull. She told Bess about Henry and his illegal sale, and what she learned about the crystal skulls and Bruno Bolet. Bess was silent for a moment, then in a worried voice, asked Nancy if she knew what she was getting herself into.

“Nance, this really sounds like a cult,” Bess remarked, and Nancy had to agree. There was too much hush-hush and a desire to put the past behind. Given how much everyone gained from Dr. Bolet’s death, it seemed like everyone would have a financial motive. Nancy even wondered if Dr. Buford and Renee were working together, but that seemed too cheesy. Not to mention, Bess said that Dr. Bolet did not seem to like Renee. I wonder if she feels the same?

But for now, Nancy had more pressing concerns. Iggy. She had to get Iggy to give that paper. Correction, I have to get Henry to get Iggy to give that paper. He seemed distressed when she bumped into him last night, but said nothing. Wonder if those ghosts came after all. She still could not believe that the supernatural existed. It seemed too ridiculous, but then the mystery was still young, and Henry said he felt nothing, so maybe the ghost thing was just a hoax. Nancy glanced at her phone and her eyes widened. It was nearing noon. She had slept late, but she was usually always an early riser. She quickly got out of bed and hurried to get ready.

When Nancy came into the kitchen, she was surprised to see Henry sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup to his head. He glanced up when she arrived, nodded at her, and went back to nursing his head. If Nancy didn’t know better, she would have assumed Henry had a hangover, but it seemed that both of them were beginning their day late.

“Did you eat yet?” Nancy asked. Henry shook his head. Guessing it must be too early for a meal, Nancy opted for toast and butter. She popped the toast into the toaster, and then buttered them heavily. She then poured herself a cup of tea and joined Henry at the table, giving him his plate. Henry seemed surprised at the gesture and mumbled a thanks. They ate in silence. Once the first toast and half the tea went down, Nancy felt invigorated to start her day. She turned towards Henry and started to talk.

“Got a task for you today”.

“Oh? The great detective need my help?”

“Yes, you should be so honored. I’m usually figuring things out myself”.

Henry laughed softly then asked what she needed.

“I need you to find Iggy and see if you can find where he stores the paper he steals”. Nancy pulled out the envelope. “We need to know what letter this envelope carried because your uncle was reading it on the night he died”.

“How do you know that?”

“Bess talked to Dr. Buford. Here,” Nancy showed Henry Bess’s number. She also gave him her number. You can call her if you want to know more about their conversation. Also, if you have any questions for Dr. Buford yourself. Henry took out his phone. He noticed there were two unread messages but ignored them for now. Instead, he quickly added Bess’s name to his contacts.

“Thanks. What else did she say?” he asked.

“Well Bess and I both think that Dr. Buford is trying to hide something. Bess also mentioned that Dr. Buford does not like Renee”.

“And how does Renee feel about Dr. Buford?”

“That’s what I’m going to figure out today”.

They finished their food and Henry took the plates and washed them. This time, Nancy helped to dry them and place them away. Henry then went to Bruno’s study while Nancy slipped out to the garden. Renee was in her usual spot, tending to her plants.

“Hello,” Nancy called out.

Slowly, Renee put down her garden tool and turned to face Nancy. She gave a nod but did not smile.

“Hello dear. Did you eat the rice and beans I left out for you?”

“Oh,” Nancy faltered. “No, I didn’t”.

“Oh”. Renee turned down towards her plants.

“I was wondering if I could ask you some questions?”

“Some more questions?”

“Yes”.

Renee sighed and nodded.

“What’s your opinion of Dr. Buford?”

Renee seemed surprised by Nancy’s question but did not hesitate to answer.

“Dr. Buford is a fine doctor. Treated Dr. Bolet well”.

“So you have no suspicions of his practice?”

“Dear girl,” Renee exclaimed with a laugh. “Why would I have any suspicions of Dr. Buford?”

Nancy took a shot. “Do you think he might be the skeleton man?”

Renee sputtered and Nancy continued.

“You mentioned that you saw the skeleton man too, right? Well from what I’ve learned, it seems that Dr. Buford was the only person who regularly meet with Dr. Bolet. So, it’s likely the skeleton man was him”.

Renee was quiet for a moment, then she said in a low voice, “I don’t know”.

Nancy tried another question.

“Your room, it’s, it’s got markings on the wall. What are they?”

“They are what keeps that dark being away from my room”.

“Dark being?”

“Those voices, they call to me at night. Can’t stand it. So I put those signs on the wall to send those spirits away”.

“Did it work?”

“Oh yes,” Renee gave a pleased smile. “They vanished the day I put them up”.

Nancy hesitated with her next question. “Dr. Buford doesn’t seem to like your practice in hoodoo. Has he ever told you that?”.

“Oh my dear,” Renee sighed. “The world is too complex for this question to have a direct answer. If I said I didn’t believe, then why do I participate in hoodoo? If I do, then everyone is ready to prove me wrong. But, my experiences are mine. I know there is something unnatural about our world. It doesn’t need a name, but if you want to give it a name, give it”.

Nancy groaned internally. In all of her mysteries so far, there was always some logical reason, something that would give way to some sort of explanation of unnatural causes. And yet, she knew that Renee was right. The atmosphere in the San Francisco house, the Mayan museum, Malone’s speakeasy, Camille’s sparks, they all exuded a presence of something beyond the fabricated ghosts, but she never bothered to investigate beyond the mystery. Now it was coming back to bite her. Then, Nancy realized a crucial question.

“Renee, where did you get that doll from? The one on your chair? I’ve seen it before, but only in a remastered train meant to look like something from the eighteen-hundreds”.

“Oh, that old thing? I just found it in a curio shop?”

“Which one?”

“The one where that young man who came over to visit Dr. Bolet works. What was it now?”

“Zeke’s?” Nancy asked.

“Yes! That one. He sells all sorts of antiques. Many of which decorate the manor”.

Nancy thanked Renee then went to find Henry. He wasn’t in the study, so Nancy went up to the secret room and saw Henry standing in front of the open vent, arms crossed. He turned, and when he saw Nancy, he beckoned her towards him.

“Iggy likes to hang out in Bruno’s study. Lots of paper to steal. So I watched him to see where he went. He went into the duct and I remembered this one was open, so I headed up here but he hasn’t come yet”.

Henry turned towards Nancy. “What did you find out?”

“Well, Renee has a good opinion of Dr. Buford. She doesn’t know he is the skeleton man”.

Henry sighed. “So we know nothing new”. He looked towards the vent. “I can’t believe we’re depending on a lizard”.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve relied on lizards,” Nancy said as she snickered. She moved towards the pirate marionette doll. It reminded her so much of the doll in Renee’s room, but the pirate theme screamed Bruno’s jolly roger club. It even had an eyepatch over the left eye.

“Hey, Henry, what eye was the glass eye?”

“Left eye”.

Nancy then noticed that the doll was holding some box with buttons, and each button had a word under it. Bah? Moo? Boo? They were the same words in the hoodoo book Renee had! Quickly she brought out her notebook and pressed the buttons in the order she wrote down. There was another button labelled ‘talk’ which Nancy pressed. Suddenly the doll whirred to life, blinked it blue eye and repeated the words in a low robotic voice. The voice attracted Henry’s attention who snapped his head towards the sound. When the doll finished, it’s eyeball fell out. Nancy caught it quickly and noticed a piece of paper inside the eye. Carefully she pulled it out and opened it.

It’s time to learn about the Bolet family Henry.

Follow the clues to learn about each member.

Learn their roles and duties.

Recognize your own.

Recognizing the scrawl as Bruno’s hand, Nancy continued to read and found that Bruno had created another scavenger hunt for Henry. The first clue was to go to the last denizen buried on Bruno’s guard. There were subsequent clues, but they did not make any sense and Nancy guessed that whatever they would find would make the next clue make sense.

She went over to Henry and silently handed him the letter and the eye. Henry read it quickly and shook his head.

“There’s eccentric, and then there’s uncle Bruno. Come on, Iggy’s not coming. Might as well do something else”.

“Maybe we should give him food? The smell might attract him”.

Henry agreed, then added, “But it can’t be anything that will rot easily. I don’t want ants”.

Nancy rolled her eyes and jabbed her elbow into Henry. “Such a clean freak”.

After a moment, Henry jabbed her back, hesitated, then said, “What can I say, I’m an accountant. I like everything to be organized neatly”.

They came out through Henry’s room and collided into Renee. She looked at them and her eyebrows raised a bit as if she were amused. There was an awkward silence and Nancy, hurried to fill it in.

“Uh, Renee. Can I ask you something?”

“Again?” Renee quirked.

“Um, yes. That box in your room. The one with blue circles on it. Is it yours?”

“No. Dr. Bolet gave it to me”.

Nancy nodded then hurried after Henry down the stairs. As they descended, Renee called out to them.

“It’s raining again. Would you like the beans and rice for dinner? It’s good on a rainy day”.

“Anything’s fine Renee,” Henry said.

“Very well”.

Renee went into her room and shut the door. Nancy and Henry looked at one another and Henry just shrugged and went towards the living room.

“Should we give Iggy the rice and beans?” Nancy asked.

“I don’t need a gassy iguana”.

#nancy drew #nancy x henry #henry bolet #CRY #legend of the crystal skull

[greasygyeom]

Title: Blame it on Me [Part I: Congratulations you got promoted!]

By: GreasyGyeom

Summary: what is someone supposed to do when they have to choose between the love of their life and the career of their dreams.

Word Count: 8.2k

Yugyeom x Reader / Angst, smut..more angst. (i use noona but just pretend it’s y/n)

Warnings: Mature content please read only if 18+

Author’s Note: i am back after another year yay! hope you like it!! if you do leave an ask or write in your tags. i love hearing from you guys! tell me if it made you feel something. if there’s spelling errors, let me know hahaha. love you guys and thank you for reading.

Read Part II here

[I]

Your heart felt heavy. It shouldn’t have. You should have wanted to celebrate. You’d just been offered a promotion. After giving your 200 percent for the past four years, you deserve the recognition, you deserve the pay-scale, you deserve everything your new title has to offer you, but instead it left you with tears of melancholy. It had left you at a fork in the road you didn't ask for. A choice you didn’t want to make.

The breeze you felt on your face, standing on the roof of your office building was cold, but you could hardly process it. 

You made your first phone call, after the meeting, to your best friend; to give her the ‘good news’.

It was an unscheduled call, and those were for emergencies only, so instead of beating around the bush you chose to open with it. 

“I have….. good news, I guess. I got promoted” you said, feeling the weight of those words like falling bricks shattering a windshield. 

There was no lustre to the statement and she knew something was not right. “This is not how you tell people you got promoted bro. Something’s up. Tell me?”

“I get promoted only if I transfer to the London office.”

The news would have affected your friend only positively, because she already was miles away from you. It wouldn’t have theoretically mattered to her what part of the world you FaceTimed her from. But, she also immediately understood your unpleasant mood.

“Oh. That’s a tough spot,” she replied, “have you told Yugyeom yet?” 

“No. I’ve just told you, right now. I don’t want to tell him without making a decision. This is fucking awful.”

You were on the verge of crying, so you pulled out your pack of smokes and lit one.

“Okay, that’s one way to look at it, but from another perspective, if you go with the decision and it’s a decision he doesn’t like, it might not end well. He might feel left out?”

“Neither of the two options here have a good ending man.”

“How long do you have till you decide?”

“They gave me two weeks.”

“Look, I know congratulations is probably not what you want to hear right now, but you fucking got promoted, okay? That’s a big deal. They want you to head an entire division in one of their best offices. That’s massive. And I know you love Yugyeom, but I also know how long you’ve busted your ass for this; so I’m going to support whatever decision you make. But don’t keep this from him. Delaying this will not solve anything at all.”

“I fucking hate this universe. Can I not once have everything I want without having to make these awful decisions.”

You knew you were at a risk of being called ungrateful and by everyone who didn't have the same opportunity. There were colleagues of yours who would throw themselves at a chance like this. But it was a little more complicated on the other side of the fence for you.

You wanted the job, you so badly wanted it. For every second of every day since graduating with a degree in visual design, all you wanted was to become an Art Director. But, you were also in a loving relationship with a boy who held your entire heart in the palm of his hand. He was considerate and caring and kind and he gave you everything you had deemed yourself unworthy of. He changed the way you saw yourself and filled your life with laughter. That was the choice you had to make —between what you always wanted that you now had a door to walk through and claim and what you thought you’d never have, which you might have to give up. And the way you saw it, it would have been easier to decide between life and death.

Death, you would choose death.

Just having to go back inside and accept everyone’s well wishes and scoffs alike, was making you sick to your stomach, but you somehow managed to power through it. What you truly dreaded, was facing the love of your life. Because there was going to be no easy way to do this. 

That night when you went home, tired and distraught, your boyfriend was there to hold you in his arms. You had kind of hoped that you wouldn’t have to face him, at least today, so there was an overwhelming amount of remorse when you flopped into his arms, on the couch.

“Aww...my baby is tired?”

You’d tried your very best to remove all evidence of having mourned silently on the metro ride while coming back.

“Very very tired.” you sighed.

He pulled you closer, getting you more comfortable in his embrace.

“How come you’re home? It’s just 8pm?” you inquired.

He was the principal choreographer at one of the most prestigious dance academies in the city and usually his days ran late creating new routines for Broadway shows and idols. You were so incredibly proud of him and everything he had done for his career; especially having seen him grow as a person and as an artist for the past three years. But his long hours had led to some harsh conversations and you just found it hilarious that the one time you wished his work would run later than usual, so you wouldn’t have to face him, is the one time he was home early. 

“Heyyy... you’re making me sound bad.”

“Noooo I don’t mean it like that! I just mean, it’s not often you’re home at this time. You’re usually locking up the studio.”

“Yeah rehearsal got called off today. I thought you’d be happier than this to see me home.”

“Baby, I am!” 

Even though you had hoped for some time alone to collect yourself, finding him sitting, waiting for you on the couch, felt warm and welcoming - like the second home you were trying to escape to, because your original terrain was turning hostile.

“I'm really happy to see you.” You nuzzled his nose, “I promise.”

“Okay I'll believe you this time. What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t think I’m hungry, baby.”

“Nonsense.”

“Really, Yugyeom, I don’t think I can eat.”

“But I’m so hungry. I was waiting for you” he pouted. You stroked his cheek, while he spoke, taking in every little detail of his face and leaned in to kiss him.

When his soft lips touched yours, you felt your shoulders give up all the worries they had carried around the whole day, but your mind almost immediately started accumulating the guilt of deciding to not tell him anything for now.

You wanted to ignore it, but the more he grabbed onto your body, the louder the voice in your head became, until you forced yourself apart.

“You need to eat first. I thought you were hungry?” You poked your tongue out, playfully, faking a giggle.

“Yeah, I can eat your pussy” he replied seductively

“Yugyeom!”

He did that often — making you flush with embarrassment, while talking dirty to you. It was his favourite hobby. The more inappropriate the setting, the better.

He knew just how shy you were about dirty talk and how your sexting game was not something you could brag about. But, while with ex-boyfriends you would immediately get put-off and awkward, he had the exact opposite effect on you.

Just the way he’d say some things – always with a teasing half-smirk on his face, and that strawberry voice fluctuating between sour and sweet, sending shivers down your body – would make you go red in the face. Instead of wanting to conclude the dinner at appetisers you ended up wanting to take him home for an ‘innocent’ cup of coffee.

He used and abused this information, to his advantage, every chance he got.

The same couldn’t be said once you were engaged in the act though, because he’d heard you say some sentences that would give a sweet, old pensioner a heart attack. 

Letting out a loud laugh, he put his entire weight on you, leaving you no room to escape and truth be told, you didn’t want to escape either.

“You look distracted noona, is everything okay?” 

“Uhh...yeah…”

“That would have been believable, but you’ve been frowning for the past ten minutes” he responded, touching the crease lines on your forehead. 

“Kiss me, please.” you whispered, coiling your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He caught your lips between his and stroked your cheeks.

When he pulled away, lips red and swollen, he smiled, “I love you”.

“I love you too, so so much.”

He sat back and pulled you up with him. “I’m going to order some food. How about you take a nice warm shower till then? I might even hop in, you know, save some water.”

“Where is this ‘save water’ philosophy when I’m running late in the morning and you’re hogging up the bathroom?”

“I never said you can’t join me. It wouldn’t be the first time anyway.”

“At 8 am? Can’t risk it.”

“Why? I can be quick.”

He’d successfully got you all flustered again.

“Oh my god, just order the chicken.” You rolled your eyes, “And I’m going to lock the door so don’t get your hopes up.”

“Aah so cruel.” He replied, dramatically holding his chest like you’d stabbed him.

All this happiness and normalcy that you were faking was emotionally draining; you needed twenty minutes of solace to silently cry it out while the hot water rained on you.

Debating on whether or not to just rip the bandaid and get it over with, you came to the futile conclusion that right now, you just couldn’t. You needed to be prepared, to weigh all the options; to play out all possible outcomes of your potential decision and find all the answers to the difficult questions that you would have to face later. All this overthinking required some time, so you had to keep the secret a little longer. 

You went into the kitchen, after slipping into your pajamas, to help Yugyeom.

“Is the food here?”

“No, I’m just setting everything up.”

You grabbed the two plates he’d kept out, only to be scolded by him.

“Noona, I’ll get everything, just pick something to watch.” 

“It’s okay, I can carry two plates.”

“I’m sure you can, but I’d like it if you didn’t?”

You chuckled and headed back into the living room.

The food delivery reached you halfway through an episode of Good Girls. So you ate your super spicy wings, while he ate the rice bowl he’d been craving, completely engrossed in the show. By the time you reached the third episode you were so full, you rested your head in his lap, sleepy beyond your control.

“I should never believe you when you say you don’t want to eat” he suddenly said, running his fingers through your hair. 

“I stress ate, I think, that’s worse”.

“What’s stressing you out, baby?”

“Rio” You pouted.

“Really. You’re telling me you stress ate because of a fictional gang banger? Actually, no, I take it back. That’s totally believable.”

“Yes, exactly, that fictional gang banger has a neck tattoo.”

“He has a fake neck tattoo. I have a real one on my back.” He sassed.

“Oh whatever, you’re just jealous.”

“Nah… I mean… He could try but I can actually kiss you.”

You laughed squeamishly when he started planting kisses all over your face, then asked you in a more serious tone. “Seriously noona, you look very down today.”

“It’s nothing just…. work.”

“You work too hard, I think you need a vacation. You wanna take friday off and go to the beach over the weekend?”

Unbeknownst to himself, his innocent remarks immediately unraveled the little cocoon you’d stitched around yourself. You wanted to trick your brain into believing, even if for a little while, that everything around you at that moment was not gloomy and dark. But as soon as his words registered, an alarm rang through your body; escalating your heartbeat and breaking you out in sweat. 

The sudden change in your physical appearance derailed his chain of thought.

“You’re suddenly sweating so much? Are you getting a panic attack?” he asked, aware of your history with anxiety disorders. 

“No, I’m fine,” you lied. 

“Then is it a fever?” He placed his hand on your forehead and then on his, to tentatively compare his body temperature to yours.

“It seems okay” he mumbled then spoke to you. “Get up, I’m going to get the thermometer.”

“I’m okay, Yugyeom. I’m sure I’m not sick.”

“I’m getting the thermometer.” 

Begrudgingly, you moved out of his way, sitting upright, your heart slowly returning to normal speed.

He came back five minutes later, and after thorough inspection, came upon the conclusion that your body temperature was no higher than normal. 

“Happy now? I told you I’m okay.”

“I just wanted to be sure.”

“Or you could have just believed me.”

“Noona?” 

“I’m… gonna go to bed” you replied, catching up with and simultaneously getting horrified by the unnecessary aggression in your tone.

“Okay.” he complied, “I’ll clear everything up here and see you in ten minutes.

The way you suddenly snapped at him, was unexpected, but only because you hadn’t behaved this irrationally in a long time.

The last time it happened was when he’d been dating you for a little while and you were terrified of accepting your feelings for him. 

In most cases, you were a rather level-headed, logical person. While you couldn’t do anything about being an emotional being, you still regulated the role it played in decision making.

However, the fear of committing to being so effortlessly in love with someone had paralysed you so intensely, it had caused your mind to lash out.

He knew about all this because much, much later you had apologised for hurting him in that battle with yourself. He’d stuck by you when you had tried your hardest to push him away. And you had felt compelled to right that wrong, even though you both had moved past it. His decision to not walk away had been instrumental in helping your relationship grow into the most magnificent forest of love.

He hadn’t experienced this unexplained, irrational irritability since that time, but he chose not to bring it up when he slipped under the sheets.

“Will you be my tiny spoon?” he asked, even though you were facing the wall already.

Without a word you turned around and scooted close enough that you could bury your face in his bare chest. He liked sleeping in his boxers. 

A small smile settled on his face. “Goodnight, noona.” 

“Goodnight baby. I’m...sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you’ll figure it out ... whatever it is.”

“I hope so.” you replied, defeatedly, knowing full well that one way or another ‘figuring it out’ was going to break something for you.

The next two days were dull and dark. You smoked a lot, cried a lot, avoided Yugyeom a lot, amongst other mundane routines.

You were on the precipice of adding a third day to the list, but around noon you received a call from Jinyoung – Yugyeom’s senior/ colleague/ childhood friend and by extension now your friend; and he unwantedly altered your ‘gloomy clouds and violent seas’ moodboard to ‘a chill night out in town’.

Since no was never an option with Jinyoung, you ended up going for dinner and a movie with some of Yugyeom’s friends and, to be honest, it wasn’t as bad as you had expected it to be. There were so many people you hadn’t seen in such a long time, it did take your mind off of all the overthinking it had been doing for some hours and as a surprise cherry on top, kept you away from your boyfriend.

By the end of the night you were so tired and tipsy, the only memory that remained of being back home was falling onto the bed and then being tucked in. 

The hangover, experienced by you, the following morning was not something you wanted to add to your already substantial list of inconveniences for the day, but it seemed almost inevitable at that point. When you rolled out of bed, he’d left for work and kept out a hangover shake in the kitchen, for you.

“Oh goddammit why could you have not been a douchebag.” You muttered in frustration. 

You were angry at your boyfriend for being caring. That’s where you were at in your life. You were so cowardly that you were wishing he’d become an asshole so you could hate him and make it easier on yourself.

It wasn’t a pleasant place to be in.

Fast forward to the weekend, you were painstakingly aware of how little time you had with your wishy-washy-bullshit procrastination. Subconsciously you were aware of the choice you were going to have to make, whether you liked it or not, you just didn’t want to make it. 

In the past week, every time your boss called you into the office or crossed you in the corridor you felt this overwhelming pressure, like you were being an ungrateful employee for taking so long to give an answer. And since you hadn’t yet told Yugyeom, who probably was the only person who should have been made aware of the situation the day it had transpired, it made everything even shittier. 

You felt like asphalt laid out on the ground ready to get bulldozed. 

“Are you sure you’re okay noona?” He asked, worry lines strewn all across his face as he once again caught you floating in your own world, on a very sunny Saturday morning, frowning at nothing in particular.

“I’m okay. I think. Maybe anxiety is catching up with me.”

“Do you want to visit your therapist?”

“Not right now… but, if it continues for longer than a month, I will. I can handle it”, you lied.

He gave you a small peck on the forehead, his way of offering comfort before asking if you needed anything from the convenience store. 

You thought about it for 30 seconds before sighing “No, I’m good.”

He felt helpless when you got into this state of mind. But he also knew the best thing he could possibly do was give you your space and silence. You’d been together for three years and he didn’t know he could love someone so much. Even though, sometimes, it came with it’s own curve balls, he was willing to deal with them; because being with you was better than being without.

He knew in his heart that something was wrong. But forcing it out of you was not what he wanted to do, no matter how much he wanted to know or help. Throughout your relationship, you had prided yourself in the fact that you both were always transparent with each other. Sure, it had led to minor disagreements, but choosing to never hide information, out of respect for the other person, was something you both mutually believed in.

So it came as a bit of a shock to him when he ran into your work friend, while buying kitchen supplies and they divulged some information he had not been made privy to. 

Needless to say, it didn’t sit well with him, but everything he’d observed about you in the past week suddenly made sense. He didn’t know how to process the information, so he bought the groceries and went back home to find you frowning, just as he’d left you.

“Oh, you’re back already?” You faked a smile, looking at your faint reflection in the window, to make sure you didn’t look like a mess after having cried in his absence. 

“Yeah, I just went to buy some ramen and eggs.” He replied. “And I ran into Ahn, from your work.”

“Nice.” The repercussions of that happen stance didn't cross your mind.

“Yeah… yeah. He told me some interesting stuff.”

“Yeah? What did he say?”

“He told me that my girlfriend was moving to London?”

You physically felt your heart fall to the base of your gut as your chest cavity tightened and it became difficult to breathe, all in less than a span of sixty seconds. 

“Funny right. And he told me to congratulate you on your promotion since he has been out of town and hasn’t been able to do it himself yet. Apparently it’s been the biggest source of gossip this week because everyone knows about it.”

You sensed the iciness in his voice and were ready to launch yourself out of the window you were crying by earlier. 

“Yugyeom....”

“What I don’t understand is why I heard about it for the first time from some random dude I’ve met once in my life for 2 seconds, instead of you.”

“Because, I – it’s not that simple.”

Your statement was met with silence. He didn’t look angry, he looked hurt and betrayed. He had the same face when he found out Belgian chocolate shakes weren’t necessarily always made with chocolates made in Belgium.

You wanted to just casually dissipate into golden dust.

“I might not have all day for this,'' he said, standing on the other side of the countertop.

When you still didn’t talk, because you were trying to squash your tears to avoid a pour out, he moved to leave the kitchen-dining area.

“No, Yugyeom! Please don’t leave ”, you begged.

“Then talk to me.” 

“I don’t know how to talk about it. I’ve been trying every day.”

“It’s been a whole week. Seven days. You’ve known this for seven days.”

“It’s been five,” you sobbed, mutedly. “Okay… okay okay….” If you didnt let it out now, your chances of undoing the wedge that was now lodged between you two, were very low. So you began,

“I was offered the position of Art Director at the London office. I have one more week to give them a reply. And I don’t know what to do. There that’s all of it.”

“That took about three sentences and two minutes. Congratulations, noona,” he replied but his tone sounded the opposite of what encouragement would feel like.

He could feel his ears turn red and a sudden lack of oxygen in his lungs.

Without another word, he picked up his jacket and walked out, before the claustrophobia he felt in his own house worsened.

You saw his tall, lean frame close the door and your dam of emotions burst, like it was made out of twigs. There was no reason to pretend anymore — what you knew would happen, did happen. Could it have been avoided, yes, definitely; but at least, the cat was out of the bag. 

You waited for him to come back, in spite of knowing how foolish and naive it was to think he’d come back any time soon. You had sent him a dozen messages and calls, all of which he’d chosen to ignore. 

So you had to resort to contacting his friends, just to know if he was safe. Mark, Youngjae and Jinyoung were out of town on a business trip, Jackson hadn’t seen him since the movie night, Jaebeom was at the studio and hadn’t heard from him, which left BamBam. You prayed as you called him, for him to have answers regarding Yugyeom’s whereabouts

“Yeah he’s with me, don’t worry. He’s trying to get drunk, but I’m diluting all of his drinks.”

“What? It’s two in the afternoon!”

“What else did you expect? I’ll send him home in one piece.”

“Bam, I really need to talk to him.”

“I know, I know. He told me what happened. He’s… you know.”

“Yeah… I know. Thanks for keeping him safe.”

“Of course I’ll keep him safe, he’s my best friend. I’m also a bit mad at you, just by the way, but we’ll hash it out later- depending on how things go between you two.”

“I understand.”

“I’m gonna go back inside now before he hulks out and breaks some shit. Try to get some rest, okay? Don’t worry about him.”

“Thanks, I’ll try.”

You then heard a soft click and the line went silent.

At around five and much to your surprise, Jaebeom landed up at your doorstep.

Something didn’t seem right; because yes, you got along with him extremely well and had become good friends over the years, but he would never leave the studio in the middle of the day, especially when Yugyeom hadn’t come in. This was absolutely out of character for him.

“I got you some dumplings and kimbap.” He announced after you buzzed him in.

“I’m not really hungry.” You moaned, slouching back into the same position you had been in for the last several hours.

“You’ve been on that couch since morning, haven't you?”

His question was met with cricket noises. 

“Yo, listen. I’m not leaving until you have two pieces of each, at least. I will chew your ear out until you do. I know you haven’t eaten anything.”

That's when it hit you, that wasn’t him talking that was Yugyeom talking through him. 

“Jae... did Yugyeom ask you to bring this stuff?”

“Would anything change if he did?”

“For fucks sake… seriously?” You were definitely angry, but not sure at what anymore.

“He was worried you wouldn’t eat, so he told me to get you some food.”

“Even when he’s mad at me he has to be a fucking saint.”

“Are you surprised?”

“No, I’m fucking pissed. I know I was wrong but I’d much rather he fight with me than this passive aggressive shit.”

“I know.” He replied, “But…. I also know you know he’s not here because he doesn’t want to talk about it, just as much as you didn’t. Talking about it means he has to be there when you choose between him and your job. I don’t think he wants to hear it.”

“He’s just assuming I’m going?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Well fuck if I knew then I wouldn’t be crying about it would I?”

“Dude I know this is hard for you, but don’t lie to yourself about it. I know you want to go to London, that’s why this is so difficult.”

“But I don’t wanna go without Yugyeom.”

He went back into the kitchen where he had placed all the food and brought it over to the coffee table.

“Yes, but what if you have to?” he then asked.

Holding a conversation with Jaebeom was like staring at the blunt edge of a knife and hoping you wouldn’t get cut just by looking at it for too long. He was this pool of wisdom you could turn to, to reflect, but since he never learned how to sugar coat things, sometimes his words could get difficult to swallow; just like right now.

“I don’t want to.”

“Yes, but what if you have to.”

You turned to look away from him, because you knew too well what the answer to that was, you just didn’t want to say it out loud.

He read your silence and thought it best to give you your space.

“I’m going to keep everything here. Please eat and drink some water too. You’re going to get dehydrated otherwise. I’ll check up on you when I’m back at the academy. And I’ll be damn pissed if you waste any of those dumplings.”

“Fine.” You absent-mindedly replied having no intention of actually going through with it.

“It’s not for Yugyeom, it’s for me.”

You watched him leave and buried yourself under the blanket again. It wasn’t out of ego that you didn’t eat, it was more so the nausea and headache that had completely drained you and caused your body to shut down. You were asleep within minutes. 

And it wasn’t until the main door opened, at an ungodly hour, that you woke up and sat on the couch, alarmed.

“You’re still awake?” he asked, feeling just the tiniest bit of buzz from a mixture of drinks in his system.

“I wasn’t awake, I fell asleep after Jae left.”

“Oh” his eyes darted to the untouched packet of food, painting a vivid picture of dissatisfaction all over his face. He wanted to ask you to eat, but he was still incredibly hurt over the secret keeping to want to talk to you kindly.

“You can sleep inside,” he stated in a monotone, “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight. I’ll stay at Bammie’s, starting tomorrow.”

“Yugyeom please don’t do this, this is your house. Please talk to me?”

“You want to talk now, noona? Really?”

“I know I messed up. I know, okay, I know I should have told you earlier. But, every time I tried, I couldn’t. You think I didn’t want to tell you? You think this is what I want? Do you think any of this is what I want? I don’t want to make this choice, Yugyeom.”

“Do you have to make a choice?”

“Are you willing to uproot your life here and move to London with me, because if not then yes, I do. I have to choose between the only two things I love most and forgive me for not knowing how to do that. I don’t want to fight, baby. I love you and I love my job. You know how much and for how long I have wanted this. And you know I fucking love you.” 

You’d fought the tears so hard through this monologue, you could feel the strain on your throat. But it was all in vain, because you did breakdown. You didn’t want him to feel bad for you, so you covered your face with your palms, as best you could.

You wanted to scream and shout at the stars; to direct your anger somewhere, anywhere.

The entrapment that you experienced while blurting out all your emotions was a roller coaster ride you never consented to take. 

His footsteps echoed in the pin drop silence and you assumed he was moving towards the door, to leave.

Of course, it would make sense for him to want to leave. All you’d just said right now was that you loved him but not enough to make him the obvious first choice. 

So it came as a surprise when instead you felt his warm fingers run through your hair as he sat down next to you.

He didn’t say anything. He just pulled you into his chest, as you cried profusely. Fighting back his own emotions, he rocked back and forth, gently, in an effort to calm you down. You smelled of smoke. It was alarming because it meant you’d smoked enough for the smell to linger in your hair and on your clothes but it wasn’t the right time to bring that up.

“Noona, I love you too.” 

Your grip around him tightened when he said that, unleashing a new wave of tears that you were too exhausted to undergo.

“Come on, I know you haven’t eaten all day. Let’s eat something and then go to sleep.” He added, speaking softly, like he was talking to an injured puppy and was afraid to hurt it with his voice.

“Can we stay like this for two more minutes?” you managed to mutter, in between sobs.

“Okay baby, we can stay here as long as you want.”

You didn’t wake up until late in the afternoon the next day, still encased in Yugyeom’s arms. It was unusual for you to sleep in until 3PM, but your mind and soul were so spent from the past couple of days, it made sense to rest. 

Being in his embrace comforted you beyond what words could convey. You pushed your back into his torso, desperately trying to reduce any crevices between your bodies. 

In his sleep induced state he kissed your neck and tightened his hold around your waist. 

You could feel that he was just a bit turned on, with your ass pressed up against his boxers and you should have resisted the urge to move your hips against his pelvis.

The unspoken tension between the two of you hung heavy in the air but you’d been on a streak of making bad decisions this past week, so what was one more. 

His heartbeat quickened as your movements became more purposeful.

It was a confusing place to be in. You didn’t know if you were still fighting, if he wanted space, if you wanted more time. The only thing you knew with certainty was at that moment you wanted him.

By now he was fully awake and aware of your motives; and didn’t waste any time in reciprocating your pursuit either— his hands feeling up your body with an unmatched aggression.

Usually, he always made the first move, because you would get shy. So it took him by surprise when you pressed yourself up against him like that, but It didn’t take him long to get in the position of control. In a matter of seconds he had you pinned face down against the sheets with your ass protruding outwards, your clothes on the floor and his fingers slithering smoothly on your clit. 

You heaved in response when he smacked and grabbed onto your buttcheeks, with force.

“You like that baby?” he asked, roughhousing you to lay flat on your back, so he could kiss you and bruise you and most importantly, watch you gasp and pant as he manhandled your body pleasurably.

You loved it when Yugyeom played aggressive; and nodded in response.

A cocky smirk formed on his face. 

For the next several minutes he pleased you in every way he knew how to– kissing your body, sucking your nips, eating you out, pounding his fingers into you until you were begging to come. Just to tease you more he’d edge you then wait and start all over again. 

It was always hell for you when he made you beg for it.

“Baby, please fuck me.” you moaned in anguish, as he parted your legs and licked your folds again, needily. 

“Say that again, noona.” He demanded.

“Please, please fuck me. I can’t take it anymore” You dangerously tugged at his hair as he gently teased your lower body.

“Again.”

Your distress was giving him immense pleasure, tempting him to take his sweet time and get you even more desperate for his dick. 

“Yugyeom...... please.” 

The impatience in your voice was unmissable. You arched your back when he hit a particularly sensitive spot, losing all of the air inside your lungs. 

He pressed his lips against your labia even harder and licked you surreptitiously.

“Oh fuck…. baby…. oh keep doing that” you whined, but he stopped abruptly and looked up, to study your face.

“What? Why did you stop?”

“You were having too much fun.”

“It’s not my fault, you’re too good at it.” Maybe caressing his ego would get you somewhere. 

He laughed at your response and nibbled around your waist lovingly.

You sat up, messing with his hair and asked him to take his boxers off. 

He nodded and got rid of the only piece of clothing he was wearing, at lightning speed, while you got on your knees.

A small groan escaped his lips, as you grasped the base of his length and moved your fingers rhythmically, pumping him. You licked your lips thirstily and took in his tip, swirling your tongue around his skin, like tasting a new flavour of lollipop. 

It was no secret that he was turned on, but you miscalculated just how fast your manoeuvres would rile him up.

As you sucked his cock fully into your mouth, he grabbed a fistful of your hair and tugged at it, barely able to keep his composure.

You could hear him mumbling profanities when you deliberately took a long time to feel his ridges and bulging veins with your mouth.

“Noona… fuck…..” he panted deliriously, his mouth watering at the sight of you. He wanted to buck his hips and fuck your mouth harder, hit the back of your throat, make you choke, but he wanted you to initiate it so he’d know that you were okay with it.

You looked up at him lustfully, his cock still suctioned between your lips. The way he eye-fucked you spread electricity through your body; making you want even more of him. When you removed your hand from the base and squeezed his balls, he knew your intentions. It was your tell-tale sign; the consent he needed to go harder. 

He grabbed the back of your head and gained control of the way your neck moved on him. Your heart raced when he started hitting the back of your throat repeatedly, blocking your air supply every time he did so. 

Tears collected in the far corners of your eyes,  and you let out multiple muffled moans. You loved this feeling of asphyxiation, but your body’s reflex was to react against it.

It didn’t go unnoticed by him when a thin trail of collected water trickled down the side of your face.

He let go of your hair and asked “You good?”

That’s the kind of man Kim Yugyeom was, who’d stop in the middle of rough sex to make sure his partner wasn’t getting hurt.

That’s the man you were going to lose if you chose your job.

Did that possibility make right now the last time you could feel him like this?

You chuckled, licking your lips for residue, “I’ll be better when you cum in my mouth”.

“Fuck... you drive me crazy.” He exhaled sharply, finding your arms and pulling you up. 

The kiss you shared after that was sloppy and greedy, laced with a desperation you’d experience if you were running out of time.

You moved backwards towards the bed, his lips wandering on your neck voraciously. 

“Baby….baby please fuck me” you cooed, digging your nails into his flesh.

This time, you didn’t have to ask him twice.

Before you could wrap your head around it, he’d worn protection and was pounding into you greedily, ecstasy flowing through his veins.

The loud, wet sounds of his thrusts, as you writhed pleasurably under his lean form, were catalytic. Your walls clenched around his cock as he fucked you until he hit your spot.

Mesmerised by his lustful yet soft brown eyes, you let the wildfire, burning at the pit of your stomach, dictate your thoughts and move your body in-sync with his rapidly escalating fervour; making you huff and hum in relief. 

With your eyes closed, you experienced the seventh heaven. He literally made you see stars. The tension in your pelvis dissipated and you came undone, panting and sweating heavily.

You wanted to at least make him feel an equivalent amount of gratification.

“I want you to cum in my mouth, baby. Will you cum in my mouth for me?” you asked, salaciously.

“Oh god noona you’re so fucking hot” he whined, fastening his momentum. Even though he’d made you orgasm, his thrusts were getting you all riled up again.

When he was dangerously close to erupting inside of you, he pulled out; and you greedily crawled towards him, to help him finish. As Yugyeom released in your mouth and you swallowed, not breaking the heated eye contact you had going on, he sighed delightfully.

He watched you lick the last traces off of his dick and your mouth, and he couldn’t get enough of the sight in front of him. 

Catching you in his embrace, he kissed your forehead and tackled you back into bed. 

Your heart felt full and empty at the same time.

“You got me all tired now.” he hummed, pulling you into his chest.

You checked the clock on your bedside table;16:30 it read. Never in your life span had you wanted to freeze time as much as you did that very second.

Yugyeom continued to shower you with more kisses and somewhere between his touch and the faint sound of the piano being played somewhere, you fell asleep again.

Filled with anxiety and your heart beating out of your chest, you sat up in a jerk movement. You didn’t know if it was day or night, if you were late for work or if you’d just woken up from a nightmare.

Nothing seemed to make sense to you. Yugyeom wasn't occupying his side of the bed either. 

You took a few deep breaths and checked the time again. It was 8PM and you were still on Sunday. 

You let out a sigh of relief and fell back on your pillow, your heart still beating like crazy.

“What an awful way to wake up” you thought to yourself, turning towards his empty pillow. It was then that you noticed the vase placed by Yugyeom’s bedside. 

Flowers weren’t your thing, but they were his. He would get cheered up so easily if anyone got him a bouquet. He’d just shove his whole face in the petals and smell them and smile like a fool. There was a piece of paper still attached to the bunch, with ‘noona’ written on it.

Wait… did he actually get those for you? You rolled over to his side and started reading the contents, entering a panic induced state of mind immediately. It was barely five lines but it felt like an eternity to get through.

“Noona, I’m breaking up with you. You should accept the promotion and go to London, without me making you feel guilty about it. I couldn’t say this in front of you because you know I suck at this stuff. But I was more afraid that I’d ask you to stay. I love you. I want to make this easy for you. Please don’t call me…. I’m sorry.”

After the tenth read his words registered in your brain, like a ten year old typewriter running low on ink – the words were all there, just impossible to interpret.

This was fucking ridiculous. 

Immediately you sprang out of bed, took a bath and got dressed, unwilling to accept this predicament on face value. Even if it was the only foreseeable decision, you couldn’t let him take the fall for it. You were the bad guy in this situation and you had to face it. 

You first went to the academy, just in case he’d gone there to bury his emotions under a thick layer of hardcore choreography. To your dismay Jaebeom was the only one burying his feelings in the building.

“He wrote a note? Really?”

“Yeah he said he’s breaking up with me and left.”

“But… wasn’t that going to happen anyway?”

“Jae… not right now, okay? I don’t want your bitter pills at the moment, ‘cuz they will make me want to punch you.”

“You’re fucking violent. Fine. He’s probably hiding at Bambam's.”

“Yeah I was planning on going there if I didn’t find him here.”

“Cool, call me if you need anything.” You nodded and went outside to hail a taxi hoping and praying to find him.

If Yugyeom really was at Bambams, there was a good chance you wouldn’t even be let in, on account of you having hurt his best friend and all; but you still had to try.

Luckily, since his house was on the second floor and had a window facing the entry, you at least could be sure that he was at home. The lights were on. 

You rang the bell and waited. 

No answer

You rang it again.

Still no answer.

You then called his number, to see if the incoming call ringtone could be heard from outside. A millisecond later you heard his phone. There was no doubt that he was inside. And there would have been no need to keep you out unless Yugyeom was there as well.

“BamBam come on.”

The door knob melodiously clicked open and he slipped out through the tiniest gap, not letting you peek inside 

“I can’t let you in bro.”

“I know Yugyeom’s here.”

“That’s why I can’t let you in. Didn’t he say not to contact him?”

“He said not to call. I didn’t call. Just let me see him Bam.”

“Why do you want to see him. He broke up with you, didn’t he? I told you we’ll hash it out depending on how it goes between you both. Well, this is how it is. He doesn’t want to see you.”

“Bam he broke up with me to make it easy on me. So that I can leave ‘guilt-free’. Does that make any sense to you?”

“So you’re actually going huh?”

“I-”, you fumbled “I don’t know. Part of me that loves my job tells me I have to. The other part that loves him tells me I don’t want to. Let me talk to him, please Bam? It’s the last favour I’ll ask of you for a long time.”

“You know, you both are being really messy.” he sighed and punched in the code to his apartment. “I’m going to get some drinks. Make it quick.”

You hugged him before heading inside “Thank you.”

When Yugyeom saw you at the doorway, he cursed. “Fuckin hell Bam.'' He was not pleased to see you.

“He left to get some drinks.”

“Please I’m not in the mood for this, just leave. I know you came here hoping to change my mind.”

“Yugyeom did you really think you cutting me off like that was going to make me feel any differently?”

“Did you even try?”

“Try what?”

“Feeling differently?”

“Why don’t you tell me first?”

“I don’t have to. I’m not the one leaving.” That sentence stung you in the chest. 

“And what if I don’t?”

“What?”

“What if I don’t go to London. What if I don’t accept it?”

“Then you’re a dumbass.” He got up from the chair he’d been occupying, several paces away from you and moved even further away as you finally stepped out of the foyer and inside the living room.

“Excuse me?” Did you just call me a dumbass?”

“Yeah, I did. Because you’re acting like one. Why the fuck would you turn down your dream

job?”

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

“Wow, the one time I expect you to use your logic, you don’t. Remember yesterday, you asked if I would pack up my whole world and shift to London with you? And I said nothing? So if I can’t do that for you, then you shouldn’t have to do that for me. I don’t want you to have to choose between me and your career noona.”

“But I have to Yugyeom. If I choose my career, we break up. If I stay here, I lose my promotion. Let’s call a spade a spade, yeah?”

“Yes that’s why I took myself out of this equation. I know I said I’m giving you an easy out, but really, it’s for me. I didn’t want to hear you say you’re choosing your job. Because of course that shit will hurt me. And I can’t ask you to stay because that’s a selfish thing to do. You know you don't want to pass over this opportunity. Why are you making this so hard for the both of us?”

“I’m making this hard?” you questioned.

“Yeah, you are. The faster I’m trying to bury it, the more you want to dig it out.”

“So is this it? This is how you want it to end between us?”

“Do you have another way?”

“We have five days.”

“I can’t watch you leave me and not be able to do shit about it. I fucking can’t.”

“Okay.. and you have made up your mind?”

“Yeah”

“Do whatever you want then, I guess” you conceded, your words full of anger and frustration, and went back towards the door.

His heart felt so heavy. He wanted to run to you and ask you to never leave him and kiss you so badly, but held himself back with everything he had. He had to hold himself back. If he gave in right now, he’d be in a much stronger world of pain later. 

“Yugyeom, if you change your mind…. you know where to find me” you stated before slamming the door shut.  

There wasn’t much else you could really do about it other than comply with his wishes.

The sad part of it all was that you always did intend to accept the promotion and transfer to London, you were too ashamed to admit it. The decision you’d been stalling had finally reached it’s obvious conclusion and you felt nothing. No happiness, no sadness, no anger - it was like falling into a grave of white noise, endlessly, without any safety net or ground to actually hit.

During the ride back home, while you sent out messages to all the people who needed to be told; back at BamBam’s house Yugyeom had chugged two bottles of Soju in spite of BamBam’s protests. 

“You fucker, I’m gonna call everyone over so they can beat your ass, if you don’t slow down.”

“Don’t care” Yugyeom muttered, while opening a third bottle. “Let’s party. Fuck some bitches.”

“Oh you wanna fuck some bitches or you wanna fuck a bitch who just left like fifteen minutes ago.”

“She’s not a bitch be nice.”

“Oh fuck’s sake, I’m calling hyung”.

“Which one?”

“All of them”.

#got7 #yugyeom #GOT7 fanfiction #got7 fanfic #yugyeom smut #got7creators #got7 yugyeom #yugyeom fanfic #yugyeom angst #got7 smut #greasy posts #fr:yugyeom #rating:m

[anchanted-one]

Dragon Age: the Inquisition Bias

I've long wondered what the deal with Dragon Age Inquisition was. For one thing, it completely ignored the setup of the main conflict of the preceding game, that is, the Mage Freedom. Worse still, it actively mocks the very need for the sentiment. There have to be at least three separate occasions where a character straight up calls it a petty issue ("The hole in the sky? That there's the real problem").

Warning: this is a long essay

And right from the start we have NPCs sneering about the mages, and about the Dalish treatment of the gifted, and about how great the Circles are.

For example there is the scholar in Haven who says that as a child she was abandoned by her Clan because their Keeper already had an Apprentice. She makes a big deal about how the Templars saved her. This... Goes against what we know about the Dalish. They are folk who take in runaway City Elves without question. Zathrian’s clan is known to have aided Wynne’s former apprentice (Anerian, I think) in starting a new life. And Merrill’s clan took in Feynriel—a half human mage—without question or complaint.

Then there are the advisors. Josephine does not have any particular leanings, Leliana speaks up for the mages every now and then, but Cullen takes every chance he gets to decry the Mages and praise the Templars.

Cullen, who after his trauma from Origins, went on to become one of Meredith’s enablers, turning a blind eye and covering for her with younger recruits. Cullen, who has pointedly said that mages are not people in DA2 all the way till Meredith snapped.

Cullen, who went from looking like this in Origins and DA2:

to this

In DAI, Cullen is probably the returning character with the biggest upgrade in raw looks, with a brand new aesthetic featuring that beautiful ornate armor and furs. But setting comparison to previous versions aside, this avatar is perfect for persuading players—especially newcomers to Dragon Age—to his line of thinking. 

It doesn’t hurt that the Templar Quest has some major advantages over the Mage one, including better characters and a better story involving an envy demon who has led the mostly well-meaning bunch astray. 

Meanwhile the Mage quest has a time-travel subplot which only serves to underline the dangers of magic.

Cullen is openly furious if you side with the mages—or worse, invite them as free allies rather than subjugate them. Again, I remember his trauma from Origins. But maybe that just means he wasn’t the best one for the job of Inquisition Commander? Couldn’t we have chosen someone else to lead and Cullen as the companion?

Leliana on the other hand, isn’t nearly as vocal in her defense of the Mages.

It gets worse when we come to the (esp mage) companions. 

Solas cares little for the fates of Mages or Elves. He cares more for the denizens of Fade, and for lore of days long gone. In fact, Solas reminds of an Ascian from FFXIV. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll talk about that some other time? Anyway. In one of his personal quests involves confronting Kirkwaller Mages who have summoned one of his Spirit friends and turned her into a demon of Pride. One of them even adds insult to injury by claiming to be Kirkwall’s leading export on them.  

Vivienne is openly ambitious, and is pro-Circle because she was already at the highest echelons (after a lot of hard work in both study and politics, so I do understand where she’s coming from), a place she’s worked to gain. For her, restoring the Circles is in pursuit of regaining her own lost prestige with interest. 

Dorian is the only mage in favor but he arrives very late to the discussion, and even he doesn’t dispel the cloud around unchecked magic. He is after all, one of the leading researchers who made time travel work. And he is always talking about how bad the Magisters (unchecked mages) are.

Among the other companions, most aren’t as invested in the issue, but Casandra—by inviting Cullen (aka Second in command during Meredith’s reign of terror and red lyrium) to take the top post in the Inquisition’s army—has already made her position clear. IIRC she is okay with not imprisoning the mages though.

The lessons of previous games are forgotten. The oppression of the Mages in Kirkwall. The complete uselessness of the Templars during Uldred’s rebellion (Vivienne remarks that at the time First Enchanter Irving would have been happy to have more Templars, but conveniently omits the fact that the situation the Templar army couldn’t handle was brought under control by a small party composed entirely of non-Templars. Another interesting thing to note is how Wynne—a Senior Enchanter—is tricked by the Sloth demon’s tricks whereas Morrigan—the ‘unlearned’ apostate—and Sten are not fooled. This raises questions of just how well the curriculum in the Circles prepare a student for such an encounter. Templars are also just as easily hoodwinked by desire demons as mages are, which adds to the feeling that maybe they’re not that good after all.

But I think there’s a reason for all of this. The Inquisition is meant to be an ultimately Andrastian force. The Inquisitor does not come in with firsthand knowledge of previous games’ events. They have only heard tales distorted by a dozen reteller (again, Vivienne’s version of Kinloch hold). They have mostly grown up with the Chantry’s philosophy dictating their thinking pattern. The Dalish are already quite aware of the dangers of debased mages who form a ruling class, namely Tevinter, so they too would understand the fear and distrust, though they have been known to relax it in favour of trustworthy individuals and Keepers. And no matter the Herald’s backstory and leanings, much of the Inquisition’s core is formed around the faithful. Even if the Sunburst Throne is taken by the progressive Leliana, I think the Inquisitor is meant to be biased against total Mage freedom.

As with DAO and DA2, we have only limited control over the ultimate fate of the world. That is why each game features a different protagonist, and no matter how well they do, they get swallowed whole by the inrushing tide of history in motion. (from a meta perspective, this makes it easy for newer games. Fewer world states and all that. This would be harder if a player was allowed a wider range of outcomes)

#Dragon age #dragon age origins #Dragon age 2 #Dragon age inquisition #meta

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, magnus-the-maqnificent!

For @magnus-the-maqnificent. Greetings!I hope your holiday season has been good.You honestly challenged me a bit with your request because you made me think of soulmates in a different light.Thank you for the new perspective and challenge.Enjoy.

Read On AO3

*****

Strawberry Expectations

Chapter 1

“Please wait to the side, and your name will be called out shortly,” Alec directed as he handed the professor her receipt back. “It should only take five minutes.”

“No worries, I’m just glad I made it before the evening rush.” she politely excused herself and went to the side to play on her phone while she waited.

Alec turned and pressed the button so the order would pass over to Bat, who was working at the coffee machines today. He turned back and started to wipe down the counter. The customer had been right. In a few minutes, the 5 pm classes would release, and college students would flood the small college coffee shop. Alec knew he only had a short amount of time before that happened.

“Excuse me, this isn’t peppermint, right?”

A melodic voice pulled Alec from his thoughts, only for them to steal his breath. He knew those words. Not the voice attached them, but he knew those words, and had memorized them since the first time they had appeared on his shoulder blade. He recalled standing with his back to the bathroom mirror as his fingers swept over the intricate text.

When Alec got the job at the small cafe, he knew that there would be a few times where he would hear that line and not be his soulmate. Alec was well aware of how common his soul mark’s words were when working during the holiday season. Still, this was the first time someone had spoken the words.

Alec looked up, finally to see who had said his words, and immediately felt his stomach start to flutter. The man in front of him looked to be around his age, and by the backpack slung over his back, he was a college student just like him. Alec tried not to make it evident while checking out the other student, but the way the other’s chocolate eyes followed his own assured Alec that the student had caught him. Alec quickly looked instead to where he was pointing and was glad to see that it was some of their sugar cookies with strawberries in them; the specks of red in the soft colored cookie often gave the impression of a candy cane flavor.

“N-No strawberry, is that okay?” Alec cursed at himself when he stuttered his reply.  Alec tried to reason with himself that there was still a high chance that the student wasn’t even his soulmate. But when Alec looked up to see them again, the other man’s wide eyes stared back at him.

“Are you allergic to strawberries?” the man asked in a hurry.

“No, they are my favorite fruit,” Alec found himself answering for some reason. He didn’t understand what was compelling him to this man. Alec didn’t know if it was the soul mark or himself trying to fool him into thinking he was lucky enough to find his soulmate on the first try. Alec shook himself back into reality and tried to mask his nerves. “Would you like one of the cookies with a drink?”

“I’m Magnus,” the man, Magnus, replied instead, extending his hand out for Alec to shake. “You’re Alec, right?”

Alec wondered for a second how Magnus knew his name and remembered he was at work and had a badge with his name on it. He took the offered hand and instantly understood why Magnus had acted so oddly and asked about strawberries. Alec felt a slight burn on his shoulder blade where his soul mark was and understood.

“Look,” Magnus called out to Alec as he rolled up his sleeve and allowed him to stare at the shining text.

‘N-No strawberry, is that okay?’

Alec saw his response to Magnus, neatly displayed on the other’s arm. It still held a soft golden glow to it,  from just having established the bond.

“Dammit, Alec, only you could get yourself out of rush hour with a bond!” Bat cried out, annoyed behind him. “Go on, then. I’ll call Clary in to cover for you.”

Alec was still trying to process what was happening and why Bat was yelling at him about the Bond Protection Act. His mind was buzzing from the events. Then he felt a small squeeze on his hand, and he started to focus back on Magnus.

Magnus had his soul mark.

Magnus’ words were on his shoulder.

Magnus looked so beautiful with his slightly tinted blue hair styled perfectly, so that only a few strands fell over his eyes.

Then the panic started to return. Alec had no clue what came next. Everyone talked about the moment they met their soulmate, but no one ever explained the steps between finding them and loving them.

They surely couldn’t expect you to love a total stranger you just met. Right?

Alec’s eyes kept shifting between Magnus and the mark still displayed on his soulmate’s arm. The golden glow had subsided entirely now, and all that was left behind was the neat black text clinging to Magnus’ arm. The words brought an indescribable warmth over Alec, but with it came the whispers of uncertainty on what was to come. What ifs flooded Alec’s mind, robbing him of the small joy from the bonding.

Alec shifted his eyes away from the other and stood frozen behind the counter. His mind riffled through every romcom Izzy forced him to consume, and came back empty. None of the movies had ever talked about what was supposed to happen now.

Chapter 2

“Darling, are you okay?” Magnus asked as he looked at Alec, concerned. He hoped that the cafe employee was okay. He had come here looking for a pick me up after one of his professor’s monotone lectures and instead found his soulmate. “Alec?”

“Give him a moment,” the other attendant told him. “He’s free to go when you get him to move. Tell him not to worry about it; I will sign the witness papers if it comes to it.”

Since the initiation of a soul bond could sometimes disorient the pair, the government had agreed with doctors and set a protection law that allowed freshly initiated soul bonds a leave for two days to balance themselves without repercussions. A witness was only necessary if someone thought a pair was faking a bond initiation to get free time off. It was rare, but some people were that deplorable.  

“You said my words,” Alec finally responded to him. “That was the first time anyone said them all in the correct order .”

Magnus understood the meaning of that. He, too, had heard many variances of the words on his arm. Magnus had allowed himself to cling to them only for him to end up crushed when the person would utter ‘I don’t like them’ instead of ‘is that okay?’, or the one time Magnus had tightly held on only for the last word to be wrong. Magnus knew that a soulmate wasn’t something he needed in his life. On his own, Magnus was strong enough to survive if he ever happened to be one of the 33% of the population that never found their soulmate. Still, Magnus couldn’t help how his heart skipped a beat at Alec’s wide eyes and adorable expression when Alec looked at Magnus’ soul mark.

The silent moment between them seemed to span, and as it did, Magnus watched as Alec’s expression turned to panic. He watched as the chime from the opening door startled Alec into the present. Magnus could hear the chattering of groups of customers starting to flood the cafe. He saw the way Alec began to rub the back of his neck and realized that this wasn’t the place they should have their conversation. Magnus lived on campus, but he didn’t want Alec to feel trapped in a room with him.

Magnus started to hear the students and professors behind him lining up. His mind was racing, trying to come up with a neutral private area. It wasn’t till he heard someone behind him complain about forgetting their student ID, because of that they couldn’t access the library, that Magnus found the right location.

“I think we should go somewhere else,” he offered, motioning to the people slowly starting to flood the small college cafe. “We can rent a room from the library to talk privately.”

“Yeah. Let’s go,” Alec mumbled to him in response.

Magnus watched as Alec grabbed some things from behind the counter and shoved his hat and name tag in a backpack. He followed Alec’s lead, and after an apologetic wave at Bat, they both headed out to the filled sidewalks.

The silence continued between them as they both made their journey through the campus. Magnus stole glances at the other, observing how Alec was fidgeting with his backpack as they reached the library. He started to question if Alec was instead one of the rare few who never intended to meet their soulmate, and wondered if he had forced Alec to follow him out of pity. Magnus thought of how maybe his soulmate was only following him so that Alec could reject him in private.

He opened the grand library entrance for Alec, while offering him a small smile.

“Thank you,” Alec softly responded as he entered the building.

Magnus followed after him and felt his heart start to summersault again from Alec’s shy smile. Even if Alec didn’t want to explore the bond romantically, Magnus silently hoped Alec would at least entertain the idea of a friendship. Magnus wouldn’t mind the idea of being friends; if he was honest, he preferred to know Alec before starting a relationship, but he would honor and accept whatever Alec offered him. He had witnessed what happened when a soulmate bond was forced and twisted into love. Magnus refused to put Alec through that.

“Study room for two, please,” Magnus said as he handed the library assistant his student ID. “They need yours as well.”

He watched as Alec jumped once again and shuffled quickly to retrieve his card from his back pocket.

“Sorry. Here you go,” Alec apologized, as he handed his card over to the clerk.

“No worries, at least you both have your IDs.” She took their cards and started to input their data. “I’ve had people come in here thinking we would rent them books or rooms with only their ID number and not the ID itself. Alright, you two have one hour in room 25; it’s the last one on the left down the hall. If you need it for longer, only one of you has to come back to renew it for another hour. Both of you can keep doing so, unless we have a queue.”

“Thank you,” they both chorused, causing them to stare at each other for a second.

“Shall we?” Magnus took the red card the clerk gave them to put outside the door. He watched as Alec nodded and made his way to the room. Magnus could feel his stress rising. He had always been confident when he did things, but this was uncharted territory, and he was afraid of sinking.  

Chapter 3

They both entered the room, shutting the door behind them after placing the red card on the small outside sleeve.

Alec looked around the room and took in the window wall framing the door they entered. He assumed it was glass, so no students got any creative ideas while using the spaces. Alec watched his soulmate close the door and enter the room.

Magnus was trying his best to calm himself. The walk from the cafe to the library hadn’t been as soothing as he thought it would be. Magnus placed his backpack on the wooden table and pulled one of the four chairs out for himself. He drew the bag close to himself and looked up at Alec.

“I don’t know how this normally goes, if I’m honest,” Magnus confessed, as he watched Alec take his seat across from him. “Better introductions might help us get started. I’m Magnus Bane. I’m a sophomore and currently live on campus. I’m happy you aren’t allergic to strawberries.”

“I’m Alec Lightwood,” Alec responded, relieved that Magnus had taken the lead in the conversation. He wasn’t precisely uncomfortable with the situation; he just didn’t know what to do, “I’m a freshman but a sophomore in credits. I live off-campus with my twin sister and our brother. I still don’t understand why you keep saying the stuff about a strawberry allergy.”

“Well, darling,” Magnus replied, watching the way Alec slightly blushed at the endearment, “When I first got my soul mark, my dearest friends thought it was funny to put in my head all of the scenarios in which I could meet you. Ragnor and Raphael used to be fond of teasing me about eating strawberries, telling me to enjoy them while I could, in case your line meant you were allergic to them.”  

Alec found himself laughing at Magnus’ statement. Jace had attempted the same with him, but he had always thought it just meant his soulmate didn’t enjoy the taste of peppermint.

“Just to be clear, I do like strawberries,” Alec replied while trying to suppress his laughter. “I take it you don’t like peppermint, though, or are you allergic?”

“I like some peppermint stuff, but I’m not keen on it being in my baked goods,” Magnus explained. He found himself staring at Alec and the way his eyes would crease a bit when he laughed. Magnus had been afraid that his soulmate would proceed to reject him as soon as the door shut. Instead, Alec was indulging him and enjoying himself. The conversation seemed easy; sure, it was awkward, but it didn’t feel forced.

“Wait! Lightwood related to Isabelle Lightwood?” Magnus asked as he recalled one of the girls in his Design Study class. Now that Magnus had a better look at Alec, he could see the girl and Alec’s resemblance.

“That’s my younger twin sister,” Alec proudly confirmed. “Are you in the fashion design program as well?”

“Yes, I had to do the introduction course this semester since I didn’t know they only offered it during the Fall and not Spring last year,” Magnus explained. He started to feel more at ease as the conversation flew by. The thought of Alec rejecting him was still present in Magnus’ mind, but it was like a faraway echo now. “What are you studying?”

“I am going for a bachelors in education,” Alec answered. He stopped fidgeting with his backpack and risked another look at his soulmate. Alec still couldn’t believe this was who fate had decided was destined for him. He noticed how it wasn’t just his hair that Magnus styled to perfection. Alec noticed his soulmate’s nails as he drummed them on the table. Magnus had painted them with a deep blue that matched the intricate designs on Magnus’ white shirt. “So you want to be a fashion designer?”

“That’s the dream,” Magnus answered. “So you have two siblings and want to be a teacher?”

“Three, I am the oldest,” Alec smiled at the turn the questions were taking. Talking about his family or degree were things he was capable of doing. “I want to be a child counselor. I am double majoring in education and psychology.”

“Wow!” Magnus exclaimed, surprised by Alec’s ambition. He was already buried in course work and intimidated by his degree plan. Magnus couldn’t imagine adding another degree to it as well.

“It can be a bit much at times, but it will be worth it,” Alec smiled as he explained. “Honestly, I am surprised I was able to meet my soulmate. Izzy and Jace kept teasing me that with the amount of time I spend in the library or study center, my soulmate had to be either a librarian or someone at the center itself.”

“Guess we have my economics professor to thank for that,” Magnus teased. “If he hadn’t driven me so close to slumber, I wouldn’t have gone to your work and met you.”

“Mr. Starkweather?” Alec asked. He attended an economics course, too, so Alec wondered if Magnus had the same teacher but a later class.

“You have him too?”

“Sadly,” Alec responded with a grimace. “I don’t understand why he hands out so many reading assignments. He is the only professor that uses the textbook. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad we are at least getting to use the ninety dollar thing.”        

“Ninety? Mine was over a hundred! Where did you get yours?” Magnus asked. The book had initially been two hundred dollars, and he had found it online for almost half that price. Magnus had searched for a full week, convinced he had the cheapest option.

“I got lucky one of Izzy’s friends was a sophomore and took the class last year,” Alec explained triumphantly. “She needed the money for some new books, and the school store was only going to give her fifty for it.”  

“Lucky!” Magnus agreed. He enjoyed this side of Alec and wouldn’t mind getting to explore more of it. “Is your cafe work part of work-study?”

“Yeah, I was hoping the library would be hiring, but you can’t be picky with work-study since they take it if you don’t use it in time,” Alec groaned. When the semester started, he had hoped that he could get a position as a library assistant or even a book sorter but no luck. “Serving coffee isn’t so bad. The worst part is getting yelled at cause you put one too many ls or ms in someone’s name on the cup.”

“People yell at you for that?”

“Not often but once or twice we’ve served customers like that. Bat just smiles at them while they yell and have their tantrum. It scares and frustrates them that he won’t respond,” Alec smiled as he recalled the man who just gave up and left with his drink. He heard as Magnus chuckled at his story and decided that he really wanted to listen to that sound again. Magnus’ laughter, even as a chuckle, was beautiful. The fear and uncertainty of having met his soulmate had subsided and in its place was excitement. Alec wanted to get to know this man more. “Do you have work-study?”

“Yes, but I’m the lucky one this time; I work at the dorms as the person who signs in people who want to visit the residents,” Magnus smiled and started to play with his rings. “I do get my share of problematic people, though.”

“Let me guess they forget their student ID?”

“They forget their student ID,” Magnus confirmed with another chuckle. “It’s even worse because we can also accept their driver’s license or state ID but guess what? They usually don’t have those either! I swear what person goes to campus and doesn’t think to bring some form of identification.”  

Alec smiled as he watched Magnus rant about his work. He started to think that maybe he could see a future with Magnus. Not immediately a romantic one, but Alec wanted to see where his soulmate could lead him.

“I think our hour is about to run out,” Magnus stated, looking at his phone. “We can ask for another hour if you want?”

“I can’t.” Alec regretfully answered. He knew it was a mistake when he saw the way Magnus’ eyes lost some of their previous shine. Alec truly wanted to spend more time with Magnus. But he was supposed to pick up Jace from some art exhibit he attended because of a girl.

“I understand,” Magnus smiled at him and tried his best to hide his disappointment. Magnus thought he could talk Alec into giving them a chance, but perhaps he had spoken too much. Magnus stopped himself before his mind dove too deep into those thoughts. If his soulmate didn’t want him as he was, Magnus wouldn’t betray himself. He refused to change himself for anyone else but his own whims. “Hope we can hang out again soon.”

Alec watched frozen as Magnus started to move away from the table and straighten himself up. He realized  Magnus hadn’t understood what he meant and that had been partially his fault. Alec knew he didn’t always pick the best words to express himself. Magnus was already pushing his chair back in, when Alec heard the tender statement.

‘We are Lightwoods, big brother. We break noses and accept the consequences.’

He didn’t know if his little sister’s words applied right now, but he refused to let Magnus walk out of there, believing Alec had no intention of seeing him again. Maybe there was a chance that he was misreading this, and Magnus was relieved that Aled didn’t ask him to stay longer, but Alec was willing to accept the outcome if that was the case.

“I was wondering if you would like to come out to a small show with my siblings and some friends tomorrow,” Alec took the chance and reached out to grab Magnus’ sleeve as he spoke. Alec had pulled his backpack off the table in a quick motion and spilled some of his things. None of that mattered to him right now, though. His focus was entirely on Magnus right now.

“I don’t know what the proper etiquette for soulmates is, but I would like to see you again.”

Magnus stopped, turning to look at Alec in shock. He had been so sure that the other had just politely rejected him. Magnus had never been so glad to be proven wrong about something.

“I don’t think there is a proper etiquette,” Magnus answered as he turned to face Alec properly. He could see the sincerity in Alec’s eyes and knew he wasn’t doing this out of pity for his soulmate. “I think we should just do what feels right for both of us. I want to see you again as well, darling.”

Magnus watched as the light blush returned to his soulmate’s face and relished in the fact that he had caused it. He was still in uncharted territory, but it seemed less scary with Alec beside him.

“I’m not asking for a date, I think that’s too soon for us, but I would like the chance to get to know you,” Magnus continued with his newfound bravery, “maybe we could start as friends and see where that takes us?”  

“Yes,” Alec immediately responded and decided that honesty was his best bet now. “I know everyone says that once you meet your soulmate, your whole life and relationship will just fall into place, like some sort of fairy tale ending. While that sounds nice, I want to know the person better before I jump into anything.”

“So we'll go slow, get to know each other first, and go from there,” Magnus reiterated.  

“My sister’s boyfriend has a show coming up,” Alec stated, rubbing the back of his neck. “He isn’t great, but the food at the bar he is playing at is good. I-I don’t mean like a date, but maybe we could talk more there?”

“I’m sure if your sister is dating him, he can’t be that bad of a musician,” Magnus teased. “If you tell me the day, I can check, since I do have some evening classes.”

“It’s tomorrow,” Alec provided and remembered Magnus lived on campus so probably didn’t have a car. “I could pick you up? You could invite some of your friends as well.”

“Friday is one of my easy days. I should be able to make it,” Magnus eagerly agreed and noticed a paper that had fallen from Alec’s backpack.  He kneeled and picked up the sheet, seeing something interesting in passing it. Magnus stood back up, sporting a smirk, and handed the paper back to Alec. “Here you go, Alexander .”

Alec’s hand stopped mid-reach when he heard his full name. He had never liked how his name sounded when others called him, but Magnus made it sound like a gentle call home, rather than the scolding he expected. Alec picked up his bag and took the sheet, still stuck on the way his name sounded coming from Magnus’s lips.

“As much as I would love to associate seeing you with coffee, I think it is better if we exchanged numbers,” Magnus suggested as he watched Alec stuff everything back into his backpack.  Magnus noticed how Alec’s ears had turned red from him saying his full name. Magnus didn’t know still where things were going with Alec, but he knew his soulmate interested him. Not just as someone he could see himself dating - though that was a desirable option - but as someone who Magnus wanted to keep in his life.

“Here,” Alec held up a small piece of paper to Magnus. “I usually keep my phone on silent, but I check it often.”  

“No worries, darling. I promise not to text you during your classes,” Magnus teased as he took the paper and retrieved his phone from his pocket. He quickly sent off a text and saw Alec smiling, looking at his phone. “Now you have my number as well.”

“I promise not to text you during classes as well, though I don’t know when that is,” Alec offered and saved Magnus’ phone number. He looked at the clock on his phone and grimaced. As much as Alec wanted to keep talking and getting to know Magnus, he was already going to be ten minutes late to pick-up Jace. “I have to go, though. I promised Jace I would pick him up.”  

“No problem, Alexander,” Magnus smiled as he opened the door, seeing how once again Alec had slightly frozen when he used his full name. “I can stop using it, sorry.”

“No! I d-don’t mind when you use it,” Alec stuttered and turned to the side a bit to hide the blush making its way up to his face.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Magnus replied with a smirk and grabbed the red card from the door. “I’ll see you around, Alexander. Don’t be a stranger. Text me.”

“I will,” Alec called out as Magnus waved. He knew his sister was going to ask him a million questions, but it was okay. Magnus was another topic Alec didn’t think he’d mind talking about.

#magnus-the-maqnificent #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

[tvdstelenaforever]

Nowhere Like Home

TVD Kai Parker imagine | Who is She? Part 2

Theme: Fluff, smut

Other: Y/N pronoun is she/her and is a human

Plot: Kai coming to the Salvatore Boarding House to talk with the Salvatore Brothers and the Mikaelsons when he comes across Y/N, completely enchanted by her beauty. He is curious about her and wonders why he’s never seen her before. As time goes on and they hang out with each other, they develop feelings for each other.

Word Count: 3.3k

Author’s Note: This is the second part to the fanfic, I hope you enjoy this just as much, if not more than the first part. I am open to constructive criticism. I want to write a part 3, I just need to figure out the story-line. I have something in mind, so it’ll take a while before I’ll be able to publish part 3. In regards to the smut, I am not fully comfortable writing it yet since I am not experienced (this is my first written smut) so I hope you enjoyed what I was able to come up with.

Part 3: Till UnDead Do Us Part

--------------

Y/N and Kai looked each other in the eyes, the longing being overpowering. Y/N immediately grabbed Kai’s face and smashed her lips to his. Kai grabbed her waist as he sunk into the kiss.

Y/N pulled away to catch her breath. She looked into his eyes again and smiled.

Suddenly Kai pulled Y/N close so that their bodies were touching. Kai could feel Y/N’s heart beating quickly so he knew she was into him. He smiled into the kiss, before moving down her body. He started with the neck as he placed kisses sloppily, trailing down her stomach right until the hem of Y/N’s shorts.

Just as Kai was about to touch her right where she wanted, Y/N was brought back to reality. Rubbing her eyes, Y/N let out an exasperated breath. Then she remembered where she was and felt on the edge of tears. Why was she feeling so emotional?

Then it dawned on her. Damon. A sudden burst of anger was let out as Y/N stood up, needing to shake off this feeling. She looked around and was still in the spare room. What time was it? When Y/N went downstairs, she could see her siblings with the Salvatore brothers.

“Y/N, did you have a good beauty sleep?” Klaus winked. Y/N nodded because she thought her voice was going to betray her. Rebekah sensed that something was off but chose to keep quiet. She decided that she would question Y/N about it later.

“We’ve finished our business here in Mystic Falls. Y/N, is there anything that you’d like to do before we leave?” Klaus asked. Y/N wasn’t ready to leave so soon. “Actually, um, I was thinking about staying in Mystic Falls for a little while longer. I’d like an extended break from New Orleans”. Klaus was surprised and took a few seconds to process Y/N’s request. After what felt like an eternity, he made his verdict.

“Well I don’t see why not, you can stay here with the Salvatore’s if they’re happy to host you” Stefan nodded in agreement. “That’s settled then. Rebekah will come and pick you up in a week”. Before the Mikaelsons were about to leave, Rebekah pulled Y/N to the side. A concerned look was worn on her face. “Y/N, are you okay? You seem a little off” Y/N didn’t want to give anything away especially since she wanted her Kai crush to be kept a secret.

“Yes I’m fine, just a little tired is all” Y/N replied with a soft smile. Rebekah didn’t seem convinced but decided not to push it. She pulled Y/N into a warm hug before walking over to their brothers. “Don’t get yourself into any trouble miss” Klaus warned jokingly. Before Y/N could reply, Damon interjected. “She’ll be in good hands with us, don’t you worry” Y/N let out a sigh a bit too loudly and everyone looked at her.

Damon gave her a look, understanding the reason behind the sigh. He gave Y/N a warning eyebrow raise and she rolled her eyes in response. “Okay, well I guess I’ll see you all in a week. Stay safe on your trip back” Y/N said as she went to give all her siblings a goodbye hug. As soon as they left, Damon decided to set some boundaries.

“Y/N, for your safety we’re giving you a curfew of 10 pm and you have to present yourself at least once a day so we know you’re safe”. Not wanting to get into any arguments with the brothers, Y/N accepted. It wasn’t that bad of a rule. Before Y/N had a chance to leave and visit the town, she was told that she could hang out with Elena, Caroline and Bonnie when she wanted. With a smile, she excused herself.

***

Kai was pacing around his living room, thinking about Y/N. He was eager to see her again. He didn’t know how long she was staying so he went to grab his jacket and headed out the door.

When he arrived at the Mystic Grill, he sat at the bar and ordered a whisky. He hoped that by being there that he’d run into Y/N.

Before long, he looked up from his drink and laid eyes upon her. She was accompanied by Caroline and Bonnie as they went to find seats at a booth.

The three girls were laughing together and Kai couldn’t help but notice Y/N’s beauty radiate from her. They ordered drinks and were chatting happily among themselves. Kai swirled his drink around and downed the last of it, slamming the glass down on the counter. 

As he was about to walk towards the girls, he caught sight of Damon and Stefan. He sighed in frustration about having to potentially argue with the boys. Either way, he was going to Y/N. When he finally came into view, Y/N blushed as they locked eyes. 

Damon spotted the young heretic and stood between him and Y/N. “Nuh uh, what did I say about you staying away from Y/N” he accused. Kai’s patience was running thin. Without saying a word, he pushed past Damon and placed his hand on Y/N’s upper back. She shifted slightly under his touch.

“Hey sweetheart, do you want to spend some time with me?” he smiled. Y/N’s cheeks reddened but grinned in response. As Y/N stood, Kai took her hand in his and pulled her away from the booth. 

Damon threw Y/N a cold stare as a warning. Caroline and Bonnie were clearly confused about what was occurring in front of them. They felt uncomfortable being in Kai’s presence and were confused about Y/N’s attraction to him.

“He’s just going to end up hurting you” Caroline stated with concern.

“I’m not going to hurt her” he growled as he brought Y/N close to him by grabbing her waist. Y/N linked her arms around his torso for a close embrace. The look in Damon’s eyes was close to defeat and he sighed. It looked as if forcing both Y/N and Kai to stay away was going to be a tough thing to enforce.

“I promised Klaus I’d keep Y/N safe” Damon iterated. “And I will” Kai smirked, before leaving with Y/N using his magical powers.

***

Y/N sat on Kai’s sofa trying to get comfortable. He handed her a glass of water and she drank it all in one swift motion. Setting the cup aside, Y/N then snaked her arm around Kai as he sat down next to her.

“So tell me more about yourself, what is your favourite pastime? Are you more of an adventurous type or are you more of a homebody?” Y/N asked, wanting to get to know Kai on a deeper level. He smiled, but wasn’t sure how to respond. “Well, I don’t have any friends or family so all I do pretty much is cause havoc in my wake. I guess it’s because I’m bored and need something to do to pass the time. I’ve been so lonely and I know it’s my fault but...” Kai trailed off. 

Y/N gave him an understanding look. She knew about his backstory based on the stories she was told however it was interesting to hear the perspective straight from the horses mouth. “That must be tough, but you’ve got me now”

Kai’s eyes lit up, hearing those words made his heart rate increase. “I’m glad to hear that. I feel safe with you and I’m also really attracted to you”. Y/N swallowed, realising that she wanted to kiss him. As if he read her mind, Kai leaned in and pressed his soft lips to hers. A moan escaped both their mouths.

Before they could continue, Kai pulled away. There was a hunger behind his eyes but forced it away. Y/N traced her index finger across his lips whilst licking her own. “Y/N, I can’t” he said regrettably. “It’s okay, we can continue when you’re ready” Y/N cooed as she sat back against the sofa and holding Kai’s left hand in her right one.

Hours passed as Y/N and Kai sat together chatting idly and having the TV play in the background. It wasn’t until Kai shifted in his seat that Y/N woke up from her nap she didn’t realise that she took. “Maybe I should take you back now?” Kai offered, not really wanting Y/N to leave just yet. Y/N nodded sleepily. 

***

Damon was getting increasingly frustrated at the situation. He was brainstorming ideas with Stefan, Caroline and Bonnie. They could keep Y/N locked in the Boarding House, or they could compel her to stay away from Kai. As Damon was observing his brother and friends, an idea formed in his mind. With a devilish grin, Damon formulated the perfect idea. “Bonnie, I know what we need to do”. 

It was late afternoon when Y/N arrived at the Salvatore Boarding House with Kai. Before they could get to the front door, it opened. Everyone walked out and were face to face. “You’re back, thank goodness” Caroline said as she hugged Y/N.

Damon and Bonnie exchanged a look and nodded in understanding. Bonnie started chanting when suddenly Kai and Y/N felt an invisible tugging.

It finally dawned on Kai what was happening but before he could do anything to stop it, he was hurled across the ground with a strong force. He now found himself back in his old prison world. He screamed out in anger as he fell to his knees. 

Shortly after, a voice came from behind him. “Kai?” As he stood and spun around to face Y/N, he looked at her in confusion. Was this a sick joke to torture him? “Why are they messing with me?” he said as he cried. Y/N was taken aback by the sudden outburst. 

“Kai, it’s really me. Where are we?” Y/N was confused. When realization hit, Kai walked over to Y/N and brought her in for a tight hug. “We’re trapped in my old prison world. It’s where I was sent when my father wanted to get rid of me. There’s no way out”. 

Y/N looked horrified which soon turned into anger. “What, how?! This is all your fault” Y/N exclaimed as she pulled away from him. Kai was caught off guard and automatically felt vulnerable. 

“Don’t you see Y/N? They did this to me to hurt me. I don’t think they meant to send you here too” Tears started to well up in Y/N’s eyes. “I need some space from you, please leave me alone” she cried as she ran off. 

He despised the feeling that was brewing inside of him that was caused from the one and only person that he felt safe with. It stung. 

Y/N was just annoyed at the situation and not actually at Kai. She hadn’t meant to accuse him but the idea of being stuck in a prison world for who knows how long, forever even, was a scary thought. Y/N decided to wonder around, trying to get acquainted with her new reality. 

***

Y/N came across a white house, which was grand in it’s splendor. There was a front porch with a swing and black shutters on every window. There was a massive willow tree in the front yard which was beautiful as the leaves moved with the wind. She went to sit on the swinging chair and inhaled deeply. 

Looking out at the scenery before her, Y/N contemplated what her life was about. She thought back to her family and New Orleans. Then her mind wondered to Kai and his situation. He was all alone with nobody to care about him. It automatically dawned on Y/N that she was the only one who cared for him. She immediately felt bad for their squabble earlier.

Y/N chose to go and find Kai. She walked back the way she came but when she arrived back to the clearing, he was nowhere to be seen. Oh, she thought. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Y/N trudged back towards the house. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Kai standing on the porch before the door.

As she approached and climbed the porch stairs, Kai turned around. His eyes were red, visible sign of crying. The sight of him made Y/N ache for him. “I’m really sorry for how I reacted earlier, I was just scared and angry, but not at you”. The words seemed to wash over him as he ignored Y/N and walked into the house.

Y/N followed suit, needing him to know she was sorry. The interior of the house was warm and cozy. It looked lived in. I suppose it made sense, Kai must have used this as his home the last time he was trapped here. Somehow the home reminded Y/N of the Salvatore Boarding House. That was quite an interesting observation.

Kai walked into the kitchen and got himself a glass, pouring in some bourbon whiskey. Y/N followed him, stopping at the island situated slap-bang in the middle. Staring at Kai until he paid attention to her, Y/N pleaded sorry with her eyes. She could sense that he was tense so she went over to him and hugged him. He froze, before breaking down into the hug and let out some sobs.

“Baby, I’m here” Y/N soothed and Kai tightened the hug. Y/N walked Kai to the living room and made them sit on the sofa. Y/N promised Kai that she was here for him through all his highs and lows. He also promised that he was going to be the man she deserved to be with. After a tiresome day, they both fell asleep in each others arms.

***

It was finally reaching the end of the one month mark of their imprisonment in the prison world. Y/N and Kai’s bond got stronger as they got to know each other more and joke together. Y/N found that Kai had a really good sense of humor and Kai saw just how compassionate Y/N was. The hole in Kai’s heart was slowly starting to heal. 

They both returned from their free shopping trip, putting the groceries away. Kai decided to make Y/N some blueberry pancakes. “Breakfast is served Princess” Kai laughed. Y/N had a huge grin on her face as she saw the pancakes had a smiley face using the blueberries as the eyes, and whipped cream as the nose and smile. Y/N poured maple syrup onto the pancakes and dug in. It was adorable how Kai was secretly a sweetheart. 

Later that day, Y/N was absentmindedly twirling her hair between her fingers as she lay cuddled with Kai on their bed. They were just relaxing when Y/N could feel warm fingers tracing their way up her thighs. She took an intake of breath, keeping very still. She locked eyes with Kai, looking for confirmation. Once she was sure he wasn’t going to pull away, Y/N placed her right hand on the side of his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

Kai closed his eyes as Y/N deepened the kiss. His fingers kept stroking her thighs, until he pressed his fingers to her clit through the fabric of her underwear and started rubbing circles. Y/N tilted her head back against Kai’s chest and let out a moan. His pace quickened and Y/N was left feeling breathless. Once Kai was satisfied, he plunged two of his fingers inside her and moved in and out slowly, picking up the pace when Y/N was grinding her hips against his fingers.

“Mm, that feels so good” Y/N moaned. Then Y/N’s hand trailed down Kai’s chest, making her way down to his jeans. She shoved her hand under the fabric, feeling him hardening. He moaned at the touch, wanting to rip Y/N’s clothes off and see her perfect body.

Kai’s eyes were full of lust, and Y/N bit her lip in response. “Please Kai, I want you” and those words was all the confirmation he needed to pull Y/N’s shirt off, followed by her shorts and underwear. “Gosh, you’re beautiful” Kai smiled.

Y/N proceeded to pull Kai by the collar of his shirt and bring him close to her. Then she used her right hand to unbuckle his belt and undo the button holding his jeans together. Kai then took his jeans and boxers off and discarded them.

She bit her lip at the sight of him. She wanted him to fuck her senseless. He lined up with her entrance, using his thumb to pleasure her clit. As he pushed in, Y/N let out a deep moan. He started slow, letting Y/N get used to him. Kai then quickened his pace as he held onto her hips.

Y/N dipped her head back, eyes rolling. “Please go faster, you feel so good inside me” she pleaded. Kai loved the sight in front of him and was happy to oblige. Y/N’s walls were starting to clench around his length which meant she was starting to reach her climax.

He kept moving in and out of her to ride out her orgasm and soon his own orgasm washed over him. Kai moaned against Y/N’s mouth as his eyes closed shut. When they calmed down Kai pulled out and rolled over on the bed, taking Y/N in for a warm embrace.

“I love you” Y/N said breathlessly. Kai’s eyes seemed to water at those words. “I love you too Y/N”.

Y/N felt lightheaded but was still feeling like she was on cloud nine. There was nowhere else she’d rather be right now than in his arms and Kai felt the same way.

***

Two months had now passed. The time spent alone together was bliss, that they forgot that they were locked away from the real world. Later that evening, Y/N and Kai had another re-run of the show Brooklyn 99. It wasn’t until the light shone through the window that they both got up to see the sun rise.

The sun started rising over the horizon as Y/N and Kai were sat outside in the front yard entwined together. Y/N felt comfortable and safe with Kai and loved that they had gotten even closer over this time trapped in the prison world. She didn’t want their time alone together to end.

They weren’t sure if their eyes were playing tricks on them, but they swore they could see Bonnie in the distance making her way towards them. Y/N raised her eyebrows as she came into close proximity. Kai tensed in Y/N’s arms.

“Bonnie?” Y/N yelled out, not close enough to keep her voice down. Bonnie waved towards them with a sheepish smile. When she approached, she avoided her gaze with the heretic as she went in for a hug with Y/N. 

“I’m here to get you out” Y/N looked at Kai and gulped. “I’m not leaving without Kai and that’s not negotiable” Y/N was adamant. Bonnie nodded “I expected as much” and took Y/N’s hand in hers. She hesitated before grabbing Kai’s hand too. Before they knew it, all three were suddenly back outside the Salvatore Boarding House.

Among hearing the commotion outside, Damon walked out. He sighed in relief upon seeing Y/N safe and sound. As his eyes landed on Kai, he gave Bonnie a look. “You let him out too?” but there was no hostility behind his words. He was more exasperated than angry.

Y/N had to make things clear so everyone would know where they stood. “I’m in love with Kai and you’ve all got to accept that. I see the good in him, and over the last couple of months I’ve seen a side of him that you all would’ve dreamed of witnessing beforehand. If any of you try to hurt Kai or worse, I’ll never forgive you”. Bonnie gave her a quizzical look whilst Damon looked confused, however they agreed.

“I miss being in the prison world alone with Kai already” Y/N said absentmindedly. “Being trapped in the prison world was the best thing that could have happened for us” Y/N smiled sheepishly, adoringly looking Kai in the eyes before he pulled Y/N in for a loving kiss.

#fic #fanfic #fan fiction #first story #part 2 #fanfic part 2 #tvd #tvdverse #tvd kai parker #kai parker #kai parker x reader #kai parker x you #smut

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 2.8 (Inner Beauty)

Miranda and Lizzie making detention fun

- Gordo wants to expand his filmmaking repertoire and so, he wants to shoot his own music video for the song, ‘Us Against The World’ by Play, starring his best friends, Lizzie and Miranda whom are both practicing their dance moves in Lizzie’s living room:

“Britney, Britney, Janet and J Lo” vs “ Brtiney, Janet, Janet...”

- The both of them then take a snack break to which Gordo get all concerned about because he thinks they’re not taking his new venture seriously. Relax Gordo, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break lol. 

- In school the next day, we see Miranda being upset about getting a B on a recent Science test. She basically feels like she’s coming up short, which I can totally relate. 

- To make matters worse, she now thinks she’s fat after looking at the stills Gordo took of them from rehearsals the other day. It’s sad to see her nitpick every single body part on that photo. Anyways, it’s pretty clear what direction this episode is going to take and what issues that are going to be tackled, which are body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I definitely have my own personal opinions regarding how Miranda’s storyline was handled in this episode but I’ll save it for the ‘Overall Thoughts’ section. 

- Lizzie and Gordo are clearly shocked to hear how negatively Miranda views herself and she also declares to them that she’s going on a diet. 

Crash Diet Woes

- At lunch, Gordo notices that Miranda isn’t having anything to eat. Miranda gives the excuse that she had a very heavy breakfast in the morning. Even after Lizzie tries to offer her some of her own lunch, she strangely acts like she just got a paper cut and has to go to the bathroom to run her finger over cold water. Girl, we know you’re not a good actress...stop it! 

- After leaving in a hurry, both Lizzie and Gordo are even more concerned now because it’s obvious that Miranda is forcing herself to go on a strict diet. Lizzie even points out that Miranda is not that kind of person to starve herself like that.  

-  After school, Lizzie and Miranda are going through another practice session and this time around, they’re showing their moves in front of Lizzie’s mom, Jo. Jo is super impressed with the girls and asks Gordo if she can be in his MV (music video) too. but he kind of indirectly shot her down lol. But worst of all, she was trying to act all cool despite being disappointed about being turned down:

Her face here definitely does not read “I’m kidding” lmao

- Anyways, throughout the rehearsal, it’s very apparent that Miranda is starting to feel woozy based on her facial expressions. Despite this, she still insists that she and Lizzie continue practicing. Big mistake here because a few seconds into their next run-through, she becomes lightheaded and drops to the floor. They all rush over to help her up and they ask her what’s up. Miranda lies again and says she had a really heavy lunch when she definitely did not. Lizzie is definitely concerned about her best friend’s wellbeing. 

Defensive Miranda

- Some time after Miranda’s fainting spell, Lizzie and Gordo are discussing what they should say or do with regards to Miranda’s problem. Well, it’s mostly Gordo who’s talking because he’s not giving Lizzie any chance to give her two cents. But I got to say this; It’s unfortunate that Gordo thinks that just because Miranda is a girl, he feels like he can’t talk to her about the issues she’s facing with her body image. As her best friend, I feel like he should at least hear out what's going through her mind. But again, I need to remember that Gordo is just a teenage boy and he can’t help but to feel awkward in this type of circumstance.

-  Next, we see Lizzie at the mall with Miranda to shop for new outfits for their upcoming MV shoot. As I’ve predicted, Miranda feels dejected going through the rack of clothes she thinks she won’t look good in. Lizzie tries putting things into perspective with Miranda but she just gives off this nasty and defensive attitude towards Lizzie.

Again, what’s with the attitude?

- Lizzie decides to come clean and be honest with her best friend by saying that she’s making a bad decision by going on all these crazy fasts. I generally feel like what Lizzie said to Miranda was appropriate, especially after reminding her that they’re best friends and she should feel comfortable being able to open up to her. 

- Miranda is just not having it with Lizzie and says something really passive aggressive and in the end, she just storms off. I feel like being Miranda’s friend is exhausting at times. 

- At home, Lizzie is feeling down about what just happened and she explains to her mom about the problems she’s facing without revealing Miranda’s identity. Poor Jo first thought that her own daughter was the one with body image issues. Also, who is Lizzie fooling when she tells Jo that she’s talking about a friend? It’s pretty clear that this friend she’s referring to is Miranda lol. Well, at least to me it would have been obvious.

-  Well, Jo is just as shocked to find out that the person is actually Miranda and she freaks out about it some more after connecting this to the fainting incident in their living room a few days ago. Luckily, she calms down and tells Lizzie that if the situation doesn’t improve in a few days, she will have a sit down with  both Miranda herself and with Miranda’s mom. Daniela. 

Opening Up

- It’s the day of the actual music video shoot and Miranda surprisingly shows up. Gordo tries apologizing to her for the comment he made about her eating too much but Ms. Sanchez is still upset at him for who knows why. Lizzie then steps in and apologizes to her for butting into her life and her issues at the mall.  But she also tells her that she’s very concerned about her wellbeing and it’s actually scaring her. Aww poor baby.

- In my opinion, I feel like Lizzie doesn’t have to explain her concern over Miranda. I think it’s very obvious that Lizzie only has good intentions. But I guess sometimes it’s good to break it down to the other person who is going through the motions. Fortunately for all three of them, Miranda opens up to them about all the issues she’s facing at school and the pressure she feels coming from her parents regarding what she wants to do in the future. 

- Because of the overwhelming pressure she’s facing, she feels like she needs something in her life that she is able control, which are her eating habits. I think this is a very common feeling to have amongst people who suffer from eating disorders or body dysmorphia. And I like how Miranda explains that it’s something that she really feels deep within even though it doesn’t make sense on paper. It’s just how our brain works really. 

I wonder if that look Miranda is giving to Gordo is a good one or a bad one lol

- Lizzie explains to Miranda that she relates to her struggles as well because she too, feels pressure to fit in. Even Gordo shares the same feeling for being non-muscular and probably short lol. She then reassures Miranda that being her best friends means that they will support her through this no matter what.  And  in the end, Miranda thanks them for having her back. I'm glad she came around lol.

Rock those flips Hilary!

The teacher definitely has some moves of his own too!

- The episode ends with our favorite trio watching the fully-shot iconic MV of Miranda and Lizzie dancing incredibly and looking amazing together at the same time. But most importantly, they look healthy and happy.

Miranda is definitely feeling herself in this music video

B-Plot: Matt’s 5687th Career, An Artist 

The resemblance is uncanny

- In this episode, Matt’s storyline centers around him being an artist, to which his school apparently thinks he’s a very talented one at that. They notify Jo about his ‘newfound talent’ and she wants to nurture that in him. I can already tell this whole plot is going to be campy. At least Sam is questioning this whole thing:

“Sensitive? Matt eats mud!”. ICONIC

-  We then see Matt creating a portrait of Lanny in the backyard using the splatter paint technique, if I’m not mistaken. As expected, he makes a mess outside because he got his paint all over the patio, the plants and even Lanny himself. I don’t get why Jo is encouraging this given all the shenanigans he  pursued in majority of the past episodes. But most of all, I wonder who is the teacher at his school who thinks he has this talent? I could be wrong though; He might actually have a gift....

- Later, they decide to take Matt’s work outside and both Matt and Lanny are now going through pieces of junk outside to see what can be used for his next masterpiece. I smell disaster in the horizons for sure.

- And I was right! The Mcguire home is ridden with all the trash Matt and Lanny brought home with them from the junkyard.  Jo and Sam sees this and they are just shocked. But I’m very surprised to see that Jo is still trying to encourage Matt. I thought she would put her foot down by now. 

OK. This should be the trigger lol

- Matt pretty much butchered poor Sam’s car. Jo finally sees that Matt has crossed the line (when she should have reeled him in days ago) and tells him to stick to creating art on paper. This boy needs to be restricted, which come to think of it...it’s not really an appropriate word to use given the main storyline of this episode but I’ll just leave it at that lol.

Overall Thoughts

- I feel like this is the first episode of Lizzie Mcguire so far that dealt with a very serious topic, apart from maybe the bullying situation Matt was facing in the season 1 episode, ‘Sibling Bonds’. Episodes like this one really stood out to me over the years till today because it was mainly on an issue a main character was facing both physically and internally.  And it had nothing to do with relationship drama or girl drama. So naturally, the episode was very memorable.

- In terms of the execution of Miranda’s eating disorder storyline, I had issues with it but I also have some positives to say. Let’s start with the negatives; I just feel like the show kind of made it seem that Miranda’s body image issues went away within a week of it popping up. You can see by the end, Miranda was happy with how she looked in the music video. In fact, she was even praising herself. And that’s just not the reality of most people’s struggles with ED and body dysmorphia. These things just don’t go away so quickly. That being said, I definitely don’t think Miranda had an eating disorder based on what I’ve seen in this episode. But because things are shown through the lens of a children’s TV show camera, things might not appear to be so clear cut. 

- But I could view them having showed the viewers that Lizzie and Gordo having Miranda’s back no matter what means that they will continue to be there for her in case the issues she’s facing do come back. Moreover, I wish that the show would’ve added a separate conversation between Miranda and her mom or at least show Jo talking to Miranda because I think including adults in this would add more seriousness to the situation. Again, this is a TV show that is targeted towards kids and young preteens. So, there’s bound to be some problems here and there. 

- As for the positives, I recall myself pointing out earlier in this review that Gordo should feel like he should be able to talk to Miranda about her issues. And so, I’m very glad that he was included in the scene by the school staircase with Miranda and Lizzie. If it were just the two girls, I would honestly be upset because Gordo is supposed to be Miranda’s best friend too and differences in gender shouldn’t dictate the conversations best friends should have with one another. So, that made me feel really glad.

#lizzie mcguire #disney #disney channel #disney plus #hilary duff #lalaine #adam lamberg #jake thomas #robert carradine #hallie todd #inner beauty #episode review #nostalgia #early 2000s #throwback #old school #eating disorder #body image issues #body image #body dysmorphia #play #us against the world #dance practice #pop songs #body issues #music video

[billcpher111fics]

Stress Baking

--------

AO3

--------

Patton sighed heavily as he mixed up another batch of brownies, he had been baking all morning and it was only noon. The house was filled with the wonderful scent of freshly baked goods that had taken hours of his time. Cookies and brownies and cupcakes, even a few tiered cakes, filled the kitchen counters and on cooling racks, just waiting to be topped with sweet icing and sprinkles with a few other finishing touches. 

He knew he should have stopped baking a while ago, no one in the imagination is going to be able to eat all of these before they go stale but he couldn't. He had been so stressed lately. So tired.

Thomas's boyfriend had recently broken up with him, they were on good terms but it still hurt. Thomas was preparing to audition for a few musicals that he couldn't pick between. Steven Universe had just ended, Patton and Emile cried when that happened. 

Patton was just emotionally exhausted and stressed. And baking was probably his only healthy way of destressing. He used to try to repress all of his negative emotions and try to make himself seem perfectly happy all the time and. He didn't even know it was bad till the DWIT video when he learned what repression was. His boyfriends had been a big help with getting him to open up about all of those icky emotions he refused to acknowledge before.

He had another coping mechanism that was... Less than pleasant. It's hard to describe and it only happened a few times now. 6, maybe 7 times... He would be sitting in his room or somewhere secluded, stressed, and suddenly things started to feel like nothing was even real. Like he was looking out at himself from another person's perspective. It would scare him so he would try to grab onto something, anything to stabilize himself but he could move too far, everything felt like it was floating away, so he grabbed onto his forearms. He would hold on as tightly as he could as everything else seemed to fade away.

He couldn't really feel much pain when he was like this so he didn't notice that the clawing and gripping onto his skin had started to make himself bleed. A lot. Well, Patton wasn't sure how much he bled but it looked like a lot. He probably wouldn't even have noticed it was happening if Virgil added walked in. It was fuzzy but he thinks he heard Virgil scream. The Logan was there. Then Roman. And someone was bandaging his arms. And the next thing he knew he was waking up on the couch being cuddled and taken care of by his wonderful boyfriends. Logan had told him he was disassociating. He didn't even know it had a name till then.

So, yeah. It was best he sticks to baking.

He didn't really feel like talking about his feelings at the moment anyway. He couldn't even if he wanted to. Roman was either in his room or off adventuring in the imagination. Virgil was probably in his room, listening to his pg13 music or watching Netflix on his phone. And Logan was most likely doing something important and Patton didn't want to bother him. But the kitchen was starting to get to quiet for him. He needed something. Some noise or music. Something to fill the silence.

He grabbed his phone and put his headphones in and pressed shuffle on his music app a few times, trying to find a good song that could help him relax. After a moment he found something that might work. It was Austin Weber's cover of Mama Mia, the ABBA song. Or, at least, Patton thinks it's from ABBA. He wasn't too sure about that.

He continued to make the brownies as he hummed along to the song and soon he began to sing along. Now, he didn't sing to often and his voice was definitely nothing compared to Romans, but he was an ok singer. At least he thought he was ok.

"I've been cheated by you since I don't know when

So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

Look at me now, will I ever learn?

I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control

There's a fire inside my soul"

He pored the brownies into the pan and stuck them in the oven as he went to frost a previous batch of cupcakes.

"Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

One more look and I forget everything, Woah"

He swayed his hips to the tune.

"Mamma mia, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, does it show again?

My my, just how much I've missed you

Yes, I've been brokenhearted

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, now I really know

My my, I could never let you go"

He put the chocolate icing into a piping bag and filled another bag with crofters, planning to fill a few of the cupcakes with the tasty jam.

"I've been angry and sad about things that you do

I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through

And when you go, when you slam the door

I think you know that you won't be away too long

You know that I'm not that strong"

He continued to sing as way his hips as he began to fill a few batches of cupcakes with the jam the ice them with the chocolate icing. Half of all the cupcakes were going to be filled with crofters with chocolate icing and a strawberry on top.

"Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

One more look and I forget everything, Woah"

And the other half was going to be filled with crofters and have a whipped cream-based frosting with a strawberry on top.

"Mamma mia, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, does it show again?

My my, just how much I've missed you

Yes, I've been brokenhearted

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, even if I say

Bye bye, leave me now or never

Mamma mia, it's a game we play

Bye bye doesn't mean forever"

The brownies were going to have a chocolate drizzle on half and a caramel drizzle on the rest. Or maybe he should also have them dipped in chocolate? Maybe. The cookies, all chocolate shipped were definitely going to be chocolate dipped. Only half of each cookie. It will look cute and taste even better!

"Mamma mia, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, does it show again?

My my, just how much I've missed you

Yes, I've been brokenhearted

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, now I really know

My my, I could never let you go"

He finished frosting and filling half of the half chocolate ones so he was a quarter of the way done with the cupcakes. This was going to be a lot of work. But he had started to feel quite relaxed already. Maybe he should sing more. It really seemed to help. Patton took off his headphones and immediately jumped as he heard clapping behind him. He swung around to see his boyfriends standing in the kitchen door, watching him. "Magnífico! That was Amazing my dear!" Roman cheered.

"It was definitely better than pricey's screeching," 

"Hey!"

"Joking, Ro. But that was pretty good, Pat." Virgil said.

"I concur with Roman and Virgil's previous statements. Your singing was more than adequate. And I see you've been quite busy." Logan said as he looked around the kitchen and seeing the plethora of baked goods. "Is everything alright Love?" He asked, knowing about Patton's reactions to stress.

Patton, still embarrassed for being caught, hesitantly answered, "Everythings alright, Lo Lo dear. Just a bit of stress. Nothing I can't handle." He said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Virgil asked as he moved to hug Patton.

"No," Patton said, "Not right now, Virg. I'm alright."

"Would you like us to help you ice all of these?" Roman asked, looking over the many baked goods that needed to be toped, knowing that it would be too much for Patton alone.

"You don't have to!" Patton insisted. It was his mess after all. He could take care of it on his own.

"We insist," Logan said, "It would be ridiculous and unproductive to have you do this alone. Just think of it as a bonding time." He said.

"Yeah, just tell us what needs what," Virgil said.

Patton was hesitant, not wanting to drag them into his mess but he knew they weren't just going to back down, "Alright," He smiled. "Virgil, could you help me finish icing the cupcakes over here," he gestured to the cupcakes that were topped with chocolate frosting, "Roman, could you grab that piping bag full of jam and start filling the cupcakes over there?" He pointed at the Cupcakes that were to be toped with the Wiped cream frosting. "And after those are filled could you ice them, Lo?"

"Is there any chance I could fill them?" Logan asked.

"No, dear, sorry. Youll just eat the jam." Patton said.

"And he won't??" Logan said, pointing an accusatory finger at Roman, who in turn gasped dramatically.

Patton hummed, "Good point. Virgil, could you fill the cupcakes while Roman and Logan help me ice these? Afterward well move to the brownies." Virgil laughed while Roman and Logan pouted.

It took them a few hours but they ended up getting all of the sweets iced and decorated. "What are we going to do with all of these?" Virgil asked staring out at the sea of bake goods.

"Well... I was thinking of giving a few to Deceit and Remus. But that would still leave us with so many" Patton said.

"What if we gave a few to Thomas?" Logan said.

"Knocking a few from the number of deserts we have here isn't going to do squat Lo," Virgil said as he grabbed a cookie that was half dripped if a fudge drizzle. "These are amazing, Pat. You truly the best baker here." He said munching on the cookie.

"What if we take them to the mindscape?" Roman askes.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Roman begin, "Between me and Remus, the mindscape has two large kingdoms and a bunch of people. We could give some to Deceit and Remus, Give a few to Thomas and his friends, Keep some for ourselves, and sell the rest in the mindscape! Problem solved! Everyone gets some and no food is wasted!" Roman said.

Logan looked amazed, "That is probably the single smartest thing you have ever said."

"Hey!"

"I agree with logan!" Patton said, "Well except the 'single smartest thing' part, I'm sure you've said other smart things, Love. But that was a brilliant idea of yours!" Patton said, kissing Romans cheak.

"Why of course!" He blushed, "A prince as magnificent as I must be able to cume up with such things! What kind of prince would I be otherwise!"

"Does anyone else smell burning?" Virgil asked.

The others looked around confused till their eyes landed on the oven. "On no!" Patton yelped, "The brownies!"

#sanders sides #fic #fan fic #my fic #patton angst #LAMP #lamp #logan/patton/roman/virgil #baked goods #mentions of blood #tw blood #harmful copeing mechanism #stress baking #copeing #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #disassociation #singing #mama mia #fluff #protective sides #implied refrence to self harm #past self harm