#caffeine is my enemy it gives me anxiety | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mindfulstudyquest · 1 month

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

lately i've been having trouble being productive and finding a healthy balance between study, passions, exercise and free time. i've been searching for a long time online for advices and ideas that could help me find my serenity, and my searches led me to this. i hope you appreciate it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. don't hit snooze ( ⏰ )

the "snooze" button is definitely my worst enemy, i simply don't want to get up and start a new day that will be tiring and hard, but when i realized the reasons why putting off the alarm is so harmful for me i seriously started to stop doing it. you will actually wake up even more tired and sleep-deprived after the second or third alarm goes off, since falling back to sleep after having already woken up causes your brain to begin a new "sleep cycle" that takes 75 minutes to complete, abruptly interrupting these cycles brings unpleasant side effects such as tiredness, irritability and headaches.

bonus start waking up at the same time every day, this will not only help consolidate your routine but is scientifically proven that it significantly reduces levels of anxiety and depression.

𝟮. don't check your phone (📱)

i've always spent at least an hour scrolling through social media right after waking up every day, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world. do not go on your phone for at least 30min/1h after waking up. i know it seems hard ( i have a severe phone addiction so i understand ) but i guarantee you that your days will be so much more stress free and productive. why? going on your phone as soon as you wake up gives you an instant hit of dopamine ( for more info, check this post ) that is gonna literally ruin your day, because your brain is gonna pretend more and more dopamine for the rest of the day in order to function properly.

𝟯. have a glass of water ( 🫗 )

you didn't drink for 8 hours or more so it's time to rehydrate your body. i hate drinking water as soon as i wake up so you can try adding some lemon juice to give it more taste, you can also try some herbal tea if it's winter and you don't feel like drinking cold water first thing in the morning, but avoid caffeine ( and theine ) for at least one hour after waking up. exactly like the hit of dopamine that your phone gives you, caffeine and similar stimulants will have the same effect on your body.

𝟰. have a cold shower ( 🚿 )

ok, i'm not one of those gurus who tells you to get up at 5 in the morning, take an ice bath and run 12 km before 7am, but switching to cold water for the last two minutes of your morning shower will have some benefits invaluable for you and your body. first of all it helps to wake you up, because it stimulates the nerve endings and makes the brain more active, it also helps to tone the skin and make the hair shinier. it's a difficult thing, but doing something like this in the morning will help your brain cope better with the workload during the day. it also reduces stress and anxiety, since the cold can activate the production of endorphins ( known as "happy hormones" ).

𝟱. physical and mental care ( 💕 )

take five or ten minutes to just look after yourself, do skincare - it doesn't have to be a deep session, just a little moisturizer and lip balm -, meditate, journal, cut out a few minutes from your morning routine where you leave out for a while all the negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, your body is your temple and you must treat it with reverence, your mind is your home, your safe place, and deserves your attention.

𝟲. get direct sunlight ( ☀️ )

apply some sunscreen and go get some sunlight, the benefits are so many that i couldn't list them all: i quote, production of vitamin D ( very important especially if you are a woman ), improved mood and, in general, physical and mental health, sleep regulation, improved skin. i know it's not always possible, especially in winter when there is very little sun, but for example if you have the chance to walk to school or work on a beautiful sunny spring day, take it!

𝟳. make the bed ( 🛏️ )

why should i make my bed if i'm going to have to sleep in it in the evening anyway? well, this is the mistake that i very often make and i admit that i am guilty of it. however, not making the bed is exactly the reason that pushes me to go back there immediately and sleep again. making your bed in the morning as an act of discipline will not only improve your self-esteem and make you less want to go back to sleep, but it will make your room seem cleaner and generally improve your environment, making you feel more productive and satisfied. completing that little task in the morning, even if it's small and simple, will give you motivation and will push you through the day.

𝟴. high-proteine breakfast ( 🥞 )

make sure you eat a balanced, protein-rich breakfast that will keep you feeling full until your next meal. it is useless to limit calories especially in the morning when we need an extra boost, this will only make us feel more tired and irritable and will significantly decrease our productivity.

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black-lake · 1 month

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2nd house profection year

it’s my 2nd house profection year and I’m noticing some changes in my life. < my 2nd house is in cancer for ref.

~༯ I’m eating more this year than ever tbh. like I started having comfort food!!! eating whatever I want whenever and not holding myself back as much, which is very unlike me btw. I have a virgo moon and I’m not just nitpicky but also strict with my diet, even tho I have a fast metabolism (aries stellium).

~༯ usually when I’m stressed I tend to starve myself or get over caffeinated but this year I’m leaning more towards eating for comfort < yes taurus core.

~༯ I started going to the gym again but I’d slack off and become uninterested and bored, then find it interesting again, but that could just be my gem rising.

~༯ It seems like life is more abundant. things come easier! there's less resistance. I’m able to slow down and smell the roses.. 𓇢𓆸 I even feel a bit too comfortable or stuck in my comfort zone. everything seems like it’s too much and I just want to enjoy life. ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

~༯ I started buying flowers, planting flowers, decorating my house a lot more, got more perfumes, more beautiful things. currently as we speaking I have like 10 different types of flowers in my house. I started cooking more, I even made up recipes that my family liked and started making them regularly.

~༯ I’m taking care of my skin, my body, and overall health. I'm investing more in skincare and health supplements. though sometimes I overdue it, like get fixated on one thing or another.

~༯ I'm someone that used to have high energy, I'd pull an all nighter or just wake up at 3am scroll non stop or put music on, it wasn’t energy it was ⋆˙⟡ anxiety ⟡⋆˙ , but I'm having more quality sleep this year! I'm in bed by 10 and maybe I just got older, but there's that.

~༯ giving my hair a well deserved break!! I used do dye my hair very often, this year I got a short haircut and I’m growing my natural hair back, I’ve only added a few subtle highlights and I don’t style it as often. I'm embracing more simplicity with my style, though could be that my ass got lazy 𐙚(ᵕ̤ᴗᵕ̤)

~༯ I'm planing more, working on my skills and hobbies, but not rushing or forcing things and not setting high expectations either. I don't feel like there's a rush like before. my values are changing significantly, I know what I like and don’t like and what I can put up with.

~༯ don't get too comfortable and not do anything about moving forward bcz you will be tempted to. remember to still challenge yourself!

~༯ I’m having a relatively comfortable year it got me having flashbacks of my 12th house profection year which was a fckin nightmare. It was all about the subconscious, mental health struggles, depression and overcoming these things. It really was about coming up with personified methods that help me deal with these internal conflict so I can move forward. It also was the year I became more spiritual.

~༯ my 1st house profection year wasn’t good either for me personally, it was super challenging and chaotic. it had me doing things outside my comfort zone. e.g. throwing myself in the ocean (i'm afraid of drowning). my individuality was constantly tested, my determination, my willingness to put myself first and not compromise my own needs and values.

~༯ there were instances where I felt like I'm compromising for the sake of keeping a friendship, which wasn’t reciprocated. I learned to not be afraid to walk away from ppl and places that don’t respect or value me. my cut off game wasn't particularly bad before, but I felt blinded, manipulated and pressured that year, I had to fully trust myself and only rely on myself. very much aries themes.

~༯ If you're going thRU it with your 12th or 1st house profection, know that it will teach you valuable lessons that lead you to know yourself and love yourself more. you will understand your triggers, your strengths, know who your enemies and true friends are. it gets better! this feels like the perfect year to take a break from all the past challenges that I went through, I'm able to slow down, enjoy life and reflect until I see where the next tides takes me.

stay blessed, much luv <333

#12th house #profection years #annual profections #1st house #2nd house #2nd house profection #12th house profection #1st house profection #solar return #astrology #taurus #aries #profection year

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wetratheadcanons · 1 year

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some battinson headcanons cause i still think about him almost a year later but 60% is actually just me projecting onto him

is autistic (obviously), but also has adhd

he also deals with intrusive thoughts, it's why his no-kill-policy is so important to him

loves video games, obscure internet lore and horror - especially analog horror and found footage

his favourite games are project deepweb, he solved it in just a little under 2 hours, and vampyr, he always plays the pacifist run despite it being harder

has a whole wall dedicated to the five nights at freddy's lore, scott cawthorne might be his biggest enemy

absolute animal magnet despite being kinda terrified of all of them

can't go anywhere that has animals because they're immediately flocking to him

the whole "introvert at a party finds the dog" - situation but instead the dog finds bruce and refuses to leave

ace was the first animal bruce wasn't ever really scared of, alfred thinks he may have been trained to be a psychiatric service dog prior to his adoption

wherever bruce is in the tower, ace isn't far away, his presence calms bruce

prefers loud music, he doesn't like being alone in his head too much and the noise helps him

apart from nirvana and my chemical romance, his favourite bands are ghost and ice nine kills because he likes their consistent themes

selina gifted him a pair of pink cat-ear headphones once and they're the only pair he ever wears at home

he claims it's just because they're comfortable but everyone knows it's because he loves them

eats when he's hungry but rarely at specific times, it doesn't make sense to him

he can't really eat after waking up

doesn't eat meat, he feels like it lies too heavy in his stomach

he also doesn't like the smell of cooked meats or fish

he loves sour fruits and has a mild sweet tooth

has a caffeine addiction but he doesn't like the taste of coffee, prefers black and green tea (to alfred's delight) and energy drinks (to alfred's horror)

he's trans ftm who is either gay or bi with a preference for men (he doesn't know and doesn't care to find out)

selina and him never went further than their kiss, bruce will always put gotham before anything else (until dick comes along) and selina needs a freedom that he can't give her

they also both realised it was a spur of the moment thing since they barely knew each other at that time and found they're better off friends

they're co-parenting a kitten though it's adorable really

bruce found her half dead on patrol one night and called selina in a panic about what to do, they named her chewy

ace loves chewy, she sleeps on his head, bruce has an entire folder on his phone dedicated to pictures of them

had a robin hood phase when he was 6, tried to steal from his parents to give to people in need

alfred continually reminds him of this after he takes in dick

his favourite rogue is ivy, they have important conversations (as in ivy talks and bruce hngs) about climate change while bruce tries to stop her from murder

he implements policies build after her ideals into wayne enterprise

his respect for her rises after she gets together with harley

for all that he fights it, he can't sleep without the sound of gotham - which includes gotham typical crime

he thrives when he's alone, it's how he does his best work, be it batman or wayne enterprise

has trouble admitting defeat, dick joining him as robin helped him in that department a great deal

is pierced. he did almost all of them himself, alfred has a heart attack everytime he spots a new one

the public has a weird badboy image of him, bruce has no idea where it came from

doesn't bruise easily but is still constantly in pain

has an absolute shit posture, social anxiety and crime fighting don't help

sleeps in the worst positions humanly possible

has a weird thing about mirrors, avoids them as much as he can

doesn't give interviews ever, it's part being a social recluse, part everything the press did to his parents, part hating to be perceived

has troubles with empathy, but his compassion makes up for it in great detail

dick uses him as a jungle gym, he pretends to be annoyed but secretly loves it

when bruce is working on cases in the cave, dick hangs head down off of bruce's back with his legs over bruce's shoulders

dick claims it helps him think, bruce knows it's because he doesn't want to be alone

bruce loves the relationship dick and selina have, might be a little jealous that cat got through to the boy much faster than him though

after taking in dick, bruce makes sure to show alfred that he actually does see him as a father figure - regrets all the times he told him that alfred's not his father

that's all i have for now

#the batman #bruce wayne #battinson #bruce wayne headcanon #headcanons #platonic batcat #dick grayson #batman #dc comics #catwoman #the batman 2022 #alfred pennyworth #selina kyle #battinson headcanons

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surplus-of-sarcasm · 1 year

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About This Blog

Hey, this is the little gremlin again, and since most tumblr users have some sort of 'about' page, I decided to create one. And also because why not?

Note: This is my main blog. Likes, follows, asks and replies are from here. It is also my writing blog, where I post my own writing and sometimes reblog other writers' works.

My Masterlist

Natalia's Masterlist

Not interested in all the semantics and just looking for the writing? You can find all my writing in the link above, as well as my master tag list All the other info, like rules, squicks, my special tags and some background info can be found under the cut.

About the person behind this

You can call me Natalia.

My pronouns are she/her

I'm straight

I'm 17

I'm a college first year majoring in engineering

I'm not sarcastic at all, no no no. And my non-existent sarcasm doesn't catch people off-guard at all, no sir. Totally serious 100% of the time. Even my url says it.

I write stuff here, and the details r in the next heading

I'm a minor, so please dni if you're going to discuss inappropriate content

Wanna spam my notifications? Go ahead, I'm not stopping you. I actually encourage it, lol.

I like fandoms, caffeine, chemistry, math, reading and writing (*le gasp), and a whole lot of other stuff!

I'm not mean, I promise. Just a little, snarky teen haha.

I look nothing like my pfp.

I'm a villanous assassin!

I have undiagnosed high-functioning anxiety, may have ADHD and I experience obsessive thoughts. So please, no hate on ND ppl here.

I'm fine w/dms! (as long as they're not creepy)

My fanfiction sideblog is @so-hot-i-make-hell-jealous

My silly, non-writing sideblog is @yoursssstruly

My Writing Rules

I may be an anarchist, but I need some rules here.

Stuff I do write: hero x villain (supervillains, sidekicks and whatnot too), hurt/comfort, and I might post snippets of a story I'm working on and whump, fluff, maybe some crack, and romance!

Stuff I DON'T write: NSFW content of any kind, smut excessively dark whump (I get anxious with things that take it too far), incest, pedophilia, rape, emetophilia, and while I do write romance, suggestiveness is toned down and I don't write nsfw romance.

Do not ask me to write anything I said I don't write. It's pointless because I won't force myself to write it.

I don't write make-outs and kisses on the lips

You can totally use my writing for inspiration, as long as it's tagged as a prompt, you can use some lines, but just not the whole thing word for word, provided that it's tagged as a prompt. You can continue it, even if I've done a continuation.

If you use any of my prompts, please give credit and tag me! I'd loveee to see what you come up with!

Anything tagged as NOT A PROMPT is not for use.

I DON'T appreciate reposts, but I do love reblogs. Don't hesitate to use super long tags, analyse it or give lengthy commentary, I'm actually down for that stuff.

I don't mind my stuff being reposted on other social media as long as you give me credit. NO reposts on Tumblr, please.

Pairings are usually gn/gn. The other alternative is f/m

I typically write hero x villain, but I have other non-hero x villain stuff out there! Like fantasy, sci-fi and certain fragments of my wip (some of em are actually h x v!)

I don't really do xreader fics.

Ask Box

Don't be afraid to send me an ask!

Please don't ask for any of the stuff I told you I don't write

I may take some time to respond because I have a crap schedule

I might not answer asks if I don't feel very comfortable writing them. No hate, I just got on this app for my own fun, so I don't want to force myself to do smth I don't like, and it'll probably come out as a crappy piece of writing anyway

You can ask me about non-writing stuff too! I don't mind talking! Just please don't make the questions too. . .creepy.

Don't use the ask box to harass me. You'll probably regret getting on my nerves

Favourite Tropes

Where do I even start? I'm very indecisive.

Enemies to lovers

Alliance of convenience

Fake dating (turned not-so-fake)

Two whumpees caring for each other

Scary, unhinged hero x terrified villain (who's probably secretly in love w/them)

Flirty x flustered

Whumpee gets revenge on their og whumper, preferably through violent murder

Morally grey characters

Found family

Heavy angst w/a fluffy ending

Psychological manipulation

Cocky hero x flustered villain

Warnings

Because some of my content may be triggering to some people. I typically include trigger warnings above my posts in red, and I recently started putting them in the tags, too. Please note I don't condone any of the harmful stuff here IRL. I write FICTION, not meant to be used to judge me morally. ✨️Lmk if there's anything you want me to add here!

Violence

Blood

Bruises

Betrayal

Implied torture or past torture

Mental health issues

Manhandling

Drowning

Abusive relationships

Yandere whump

Bone Fractures

Failed escape

Miserable (I write sad stuff sometimes)

Threats

Fear

Description of torture aftermath

Occasionally, torture

Lying

Burns

Restraints

Usage and mentions of weapons (guns, knives, etc)

References to a difficult past

Vomiting

Starvation

Scars

Self-harm

Obsessive thoughts

Fear of heartbreak

Criminal activity

Death

Somewhat graphic descriptions (they aren't too horrible, but they may make some people uncomfortable

Non-con touch (not sexual)

Drugging

Poison

Kidnapping

Hostage situation

Exhaustion

Stress positions

War/war aftermath

Captivity

Fever

Delusions

Hyperthermia

Very flirty (Listen, I generally write pretty light stuff, but they can be seen as juuuust a little bit spicy, and different people interpret things differently, and I won't judge people for seeing things a certain way, but in case it makes you uncomfortable. . .)

Adding on to the last point, this kind of fic will contain touching (not sexual), kisses (not on the lips), and pretty flirty remarks (nothing sexual)

Smoking

Alcohol/use of alcohol

Squicks

I write violence n all, but I have limits. I will NOT write anything mentioned here and will refuse any requests with these.

Eye, mouth and ear whump

Extreme gore

Whipping

Branding

Vore

Amputation (unless it's a fantasy monster that has to die OR it's environmental whump. Someone doing it however, nope)

Muzzles (I'm fine with gags, though)

Collars

Sadomasochism (some of my characters are sadistic, but non-sexually. Also, no masochistic characters)

NSFWhump in general, (whether extreme gore, sexual assault or sadomasochism)

Anything I don't write in the Rules above

My Tags

Aside from the usual tags on writing, I like to add my touch to a few of them. You may see:

#nat writes

#a little gremlin's writing

#natalia's writing

And for asks

#the little gremlin answers

When it isn't about writing

#not writing and/or #natalia.txt

When I like it, but it isn't mine

#not my writing

When you can read, but you shouldn't USE

#NOT A PROMPT

Timezones n next days (yes, they're self-reblogs)

#timezone reblog

#next day reblog

To clarify

#hero x villain -> just means it has a hero and a villain. can be platonic, familial, just enemies or romantic (this applies to any A x B)

While. . .

#hero/villain -> means the pairing is romantic. (applies to anything with a slash)

I know other ppl use them differently, but that's how I do it. I typically tag with genre to help, like #romance or #friendship

And the most important rule of all

HAVE FUN!

Xoxo,

The villainous assassin

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

#about info #not writing #writers on tumblr

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leclerced · 5 months

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🐈‍⬛ again—AAAAH IM ALSO THE MEAN FRIEND I LOVE IT!!! i must ramble more if you'll let me!! also tw: just a brief mention of mental illness'

Candi with a driver!!! she teases about it but hey it works!! broadway is so demanding and she's also dabbling in film, girl is constantly BUSY. she just worried because she tends to overwork herself and doesn't really think a driver would be interested in her rather feisty attitude or want the baggage of someone with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and PTSD. like— they're people at the end of the day but famous people but candi tucks the insecurities away behind her walls like always.

CANDI AND CHARLES GETTING ALONG!!! Candi def would know french—it's not the best hell her english isn't 100% either. Italian american, born and raised in america but grew up knowing everything Italian and didn't start speaking english till the summer before she started any form of schooling so sometimes she slips that in to throw charles off. But red is like her only safety color and is like “angel i see that look, no, it’s not like that” “i think it is.” “no.”

but also charles is the only one that manages to weasels his way in with little resistance. like shes already wearing red. suddenly its a ferrari jacket. and shes always talking to charles. and suddenly shes added stuff charles would need to her bag. and shes playfully joking with him and trying to bite him. and now shes doing the same things she does with angel (more or less) with charles and barely notices until angel points it out teasingly. candi just shrugs “he’s my favorite driver and birthday twin” it’s a shit excuse. she doesn’t usually get long with people quickly, it’s scary but angel brushes the excuse off. she knows and is really proud of candi and doesn’t push to ruin it.

oh and Candi always had an energy drink on her. She will kill someone before they can pry it out her dead hands. she has tried to bite people who try to take it away!! she doesn’t play with her caffeine!! The funny thing?? it’s always red bull. she likes the taste!! she ignores how they all tease her because “it’s just for the taste i swear!!” and she proves it by accident one day!!

charles and angel hear from arguing and go to investigate and max is FURIOUS!! idk what happened, maybe just a shit practice day and candi accidentally bumped into her & he was just lashing out but he found the wrong bitch to do that to. so max is absolutely furious meanwhile, candi’s just standing there, holding her energy drink unamused at this guy yelling at her in dutch and turns her head like “is he always like this?” and sees an out. leaves max BAFFLED as she just deadass walks away from him. she ain’t arguing with him anymore!! candi just settles herself between charles and angel like “anyway, you guys mentioned shopping tomorrow…?” because she’s everyone personal reminders when you get close enough. charles is stunned and angel giggling while nodding before charles is ushering them away!!!! it becomes the talk of the paddock and candi’s like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he shouldn’t have been a bitch i wouldn’t have returned the energy” and now candi’s side quest is to annoy max!! doesn’t even call him max that’s her new enemy!! he gets title of ‘Verstappen’!!!

OOOOO and eventually Candi warms up to lando and oscar. like one day lando or oscar complaining they’re a bit hungry or thirsty and blinks with candi just holding out the items for them and she’s like “fucking take them??” and they snatch it so fast because she’s never done this before oh my god?? it’s really telling that she likes them when she lets them hang around while she’s working or something by themselves. like she gives her all for work so if you’re allowed to be around as she works or reads and especially if she TALKS during that time?? you’re a chosen one. like angel!! but lando and oscar?? charles?? not really

now imagine like lando after a bad qualify?? can’t bring himself to bring around oscar and angel (maybe oscar made pole while lando crashes) because he really is happy and wants to celebrate but he’s so upset and in his head that he can’t and doesn’t wanna ruin it for oscar that’s not fair, so he just goes to the first person that pops up.

Candi opens her hotel room door to see Lando and he looks absolutely miserable. Lando realizes in that moment he came over because usually angel’s here but she’s not, it’s out of habit and starts to apology but candi moves out the way and waves a hand for him to come in. “you look horrible.” she greets but she’s been there. after a really bad show. or a test. or a tech. she doesn’t understand fully what lando feels as she’s not a driver but she’s really fucking close to it so she shuts the door and goes back to working but she lets lando stay. she closes her laptop if he starts talking and finds herself plopped on the couch, listening to lando.

she asks if he just wants an ear or advice. she won’t talk if he says an ear but if he says advise candi is rambling. the other thing about why she’s so good at picking people apart is because her grandmother and older brother (five year difference) are both therapist so psychoanalyzing and stuff is what she grew up around. So she manages to say what lando needs to hear in a much nicer but up front way. hell, if he starts crying she’s gonna HUG him. SHE HUGS HIM FIRST!! and she doesn’t move till lando does first!! she doesn’t care her shoulder is wet from him crying!!

candi plays herself though cause after this, lando probably announces he’s going to the celebration and drags candi along. oscar and angel been worried sick because lando hasn’t been answering and honestly they’re about to leave to find lando but lando’s happily calling out for them and dragging a sorta dressed up and irritated candi behind him but she hasn’t yelled or argued or tried to smack lando at him holding her wrist and pulling her along. just looks irritated. angel is over the MOON seeing candi get along with her boyfriends!!!

candi gets lando to spill the beans about why he disappeared earlier in the day to oscar and angel. they deserve fo know. candi’s awkwardly with them before stepping to the sidelines as they have their heart to heart and whatever. she looks up when oscar comes over to thank her and she just shrugs with a small smile “it was nothing” and oscar wants to repay her but she won’t take anything and finally oscar is like “how about i buy you red bull for the week? please? i need to repay you or it’ll eat at me.” and candi stops for a moment, looks at oscar, and is like “…only because i don’t have to pay for red bull” and now angel can often find her boyfriends arguing with candi while she’s working or an arm resting on candi’s head (she’s the designated arm rest), or them having lunch together (which is HUGE for candi so angel might cry out of happiness for that one).

also cue candi finding angel one day like “word is you’re taking boyfriend applications from the drivers for me?? care to explain??” and angel looks up with lando and oscar who def support (lando’s soooo helping) this movement and they’re like “uh….no?” and candi raises a brow like “…uhhhh huh.” and sits down because she thinks it’s sweet and funny and no driver would actually be interested so she lets them continue because ha, she got nothing to worry about…right?

wow this is long and i went on a rant just AAAH JUST CANDI GETTING ALONG WITH CHARLES & THE BOYS AND A MENACE WITH ANGEL SUPPORTING AND TRYINF TO FIND HER A DRIVER IN THE BACKGROUND AND SO HAPPY HER MEAN BESTIE IS ACTUALLY GETTING ALONG GENUINELY WITH PEOPLE SHE LOVES 🥹🥹

hi sorry i wanted to answer this all day but i dont have time to replt to all of it but its so amazing ive read it like 6 times i am OBSESSED!!!

#ask #🐈‍⬛ anon

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orchidyoonkook · 1 year

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✨🙋🏻‍♀️❌💖🍷

Omg hi Katy! Thank you!

✨Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

(ILY Katy)

Me? Oh um. Okay.

I really like my eyes. I think they’re my best feature.

My writing? I like that I write what I want to. I like that it’s cathartic for me to get all the feelings out in the paper. Whether they be disguised trauma or just something I’d love to experience.

🙋🏻‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yeah, a couple of my friends do. All for different fandoms though.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Pregnancy. ABO. Anything shifting wise. I’ll probably just stay the slut that I am for enemies or indifference to lovers, college, falling in love, slow burn. But who knows. Maybe I’ll branch out! Just never those three.

💖 What made you start writing?

The fact that I felt like I couldn’t. I’m very much a person who either will accept I can’t do something. Or prove myself wrong and work till I can.

The best example for this I have is before I got into my relationship, I’d never dated in my life. And all my friends were getting tinder as a joke. But for me the idea of tinder gave me so much anxiety that my stomach would twist and I’d feel light headed. I hated the power an app had over me so I got it and set up a profile. I was fine after that.

🍷 Do you drink and write?

Nope

I don’t consume any forms of addictive substances aside from caffeine and sugar.

My dad and his entire side of the family have very bad addiction issues and from the way I consume my current vices (chocolate, chips, sugar) I know that I would very likely have the same problem. So I just don’t.

I’ve never had a drop of alcohol, a puff of a cigarette/vape/bong/etc or done any form or drug in my life and I intend on keeping it that way.

Ya girl is as sober as they come

#got a little deep at the end there but thank you!!#my friends always have a DD tho so it works out!#thanks for asking!!!!!#katykatmeow #asks #ask games with Yoon #ask games #ms.mailbox📬

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sidespart · 3 years

Note

For the fic title thing: Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling

Make Up Your Mind (this seriously got away from me and became basically a whole string of conscious fic whoops)

Logince, Bakery/coffeeshop AU Mutual Pining/ Not-Actually-Unrequited love, + loceit friendship

So Janus owns a Bakery (struggling to think of a snake/lie based bread pun for the name but ehh). He is the head only baker and sends most of his time in the basement kitchen blasting the phantom of the opera soundtrack and kneading dough.

Logan is his childhood friend. Janus hired him as cashier after Logan dropped out of collage but then he never left and is now basically manager/ accountant/ hbic of this whole operation.

So one night as Janus is leaving he’s casually like: ‘oh by the way, a couple are coming by tomorrow for a wedding cake consultation’

And Logan blocks the door and is like: ‘Janus. We don’t do wedding cakes. We don’t even do cake. You only make weird artisanal bread. it took me 6 months and 8 powerpoint presentations to convince you to sell banana loaf’

Jan, his eye enormous: ‘but Logan, you should have heard this guy on the phone. They only want to use LGBTQ businesses for their wedding, they want to support the community that’s supported them for so long. He spoke so passionately and eloquently about why it just had to be us I couldn't say no’

Logan, his eyes not enormous: did you tell this man we make wedding cakes just to make the phone conversation end?

Janus: I was going to miss the murder, she wrote marathon, Logan

So Jan manages to escape, and Logan rolls his eyes but like. This is nowhere near the worst ‘cleaning up after Janus lied to get out of a situation and made everything more complicated for no goddamm reason’ incident that he has had to deal with during the course of their friendship so, whatever: he can tell the couple there was a miscommunication when they show up in the morning.

Next day, the guys arrive. Virgil, who barley introduces himself and then stays hunched in his hoodie not speaking for the whole meeting, and Roman.

Roman does not have a problem speaking. Roman has lots of ideas.

Roman has a binder.

Somehow in the course of this conversation Logan goes from ‘we don’t make wedding cakes’ to ‘I’LL SHOW YOU, WE’LL MAKE THE BEST GODDAMM WEDDING CAKE THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN’

Maybe it was the passion of Romans argument. Maybe it was the slightly disdainful look on his face when he looked round the shop. Maybe it was the ridiculous amount of money he was prepared to pay (see: Janus insists on only making specific, weird bread as to why the shop’s always on the brink of collapse). Maybe it was the power of the binder (Logan is like 80% sure Roman hit him with the binder at one point). Maybe its just Logan hasn't had a full blown passionate argument like that since high school debate club and the rush of adrenaline made him dumb.

Whatever the reason - they’re now fully committed to making this 6 tier, purple and blue, Disney inspired, multiflavoured wedding cake

(Janus, who skipped out on the meeting because he is Like That: But Logan....we don’t make wedding cakes...this was really irresponsible of you...

Logan: I know where you sleep. I could kill you at any time)

Which would be doable (the weddings a while off, and Logan is ready to RESEARCH) except Roman keeps. Coming. Back.

With new ideas. And tweaks. And suggestions. All of them seemingly designed to make the cake less structurally sound.

Basically every time he comes in they end up having a blazing row, first about Romans inability to make up his mind about the cake and then about...literally everything. One time they spent 25 minuets arguing about whether or not Shakespeare wrote all of his plays, which somehow turns into ‘who was the best host of blues clues?’ which then turned into ‘how would nationalised healthcare best be implemented?’ (the loudest arguments were during the blues clues section).Logan had even fewer customers then normal that day.

(Logan: I hate that guy so much! He shows up at 2pm every day and now my blood pressure has started going up at 1.55pm in anticipation of the fight! He’s causing me actual medical distress because he’s so stupid!

Janus:...you’ve memorised some guys schedule and your heart starts racing whenever you see him?

Logan: yes! because he is my enemy!

Janus:...

Janus: mmKay.)

ANYway, one day Roman turns up and is like: Can’t fight today. Need caffeine. Must Study. and sequesters himself on one of their two rinky dink tables and starts pulling enormous textbooks out of his bag. Turns out Roman is in law school, he’s back home for the whole summer to help with wedding prep and has been neglecting his summer reading. He wants to be an environmental lawyer and, ideally, singly handily prosecute every oil company and give a speech at the UN whilst wearing an immaculately fitted Italian suit.

Logan has a panicked moment of OH NO HE’S SMART (he doesn't need an oh no he’s hot moment because Roman’s been hot the whole time). Very carefully he does not think about how upset hearing Roman mention the wedding again made him feel, and then shares a bit about his own anxiety during college which led to him dropping out.

Roman says degree or no degree its obvious Logan is one of the smartest, most capable people Romans ever met.

Cue: blushing, stammering, Logan standing up to quickly and knocking half a pot of coffee over etc etc all that good fluff.

And after that their conversations are less confrontational (although they still debate like. everything.) and more friendly.

They have one (1) more conversation about the wedding wherein Roman apologises for being so stressed and snappy over all the preparation stuff but he just wants everything to be perfect for Virgil. (Logan, awkwardly: you must love him a lot. Roman, himbo-ly: Yeah!) aaand then Logan changes the subject to the best rhyming structure because Romans big sappy grin is making his heart do awful twisty things-

And eventually, Roman asks Logan to go out with him outside the bakery.

Logan: hahaha this is friendship, we are great friends, we are going out as friends. I am not going on a date with a man with a fiancé because that would be the actions of a crazy person.

So they go on their date. It’s amazing. Roman leans in for a kiss at the end and Logan is delighted!

And then devastated.

He pushes Roman away, yells some creative insult (malodorous centurion?) and flees. Spends the next week basically hiding in the kitchen area, refusing to see any customers and working on the wedding cake.

(which is looking perfect by the way)

So after a week of Logan moping round the kitchen Janus finally blocks the door to stop him leaving and demand he tells him what the hell is wrong. And after a few minuets of filibustering Logan ends up telling him everything.

“In any case, the very fact that he is the kind of man who would cheat on his fiancé means he’s not the kind of man I thought he was. Therefore any alleged feelings I may have developed towards him would now be null and void” says Logan, looking like the worlds sadist accountant

Janus: So...wait. You’re saying wedding cake guy and hot lawyer guy are the same person?

(Logan: you need to come out of the basement more often Janus: YOU need to tell me what’s going on in your life more often. (they have had this conversation many times in the past))

So Janus sincerely tells Logan he’s sorry...and that he’s even more sorry that he needs him to help him deliver the cake to the venue tomorrow.

(this thing is way to big for one person to carry and there’s no way Jan would trust any of their occasional teenage cover staff to do this and ‘we’ll go round the back and you wont have to see anyone anyway comon Lo’ you basically built this monstrosity you should see it home)

So, reluctantly, Logan goes. And they go round the back as promised, and get this enormous cake settled, and then get told to wait there one sec cus one of the grooms is going to come sign for it and before Logan can throw himself out of the widow (get OFF me Janus we’re on the ground floor it’s FINE) from behind them they hear squeeing.

There’s a curly haired dude in a pastel blue linen suit who Logan has never seen before in his life looking at the cake and cooing over ‘all the little details! its perfect! oh Virgil is going to love this! You know he was so embarrassed about asking for a Disney themed cake he had to ask Roman to go with him to -”

“Who ARE you?”

The man blinked at Logan, who realised dimly that he still had one foot up on the windowsill and slowly returned it to the floor.

“I’m Patton” said Patton.

“And I’m Janus” said Janus, removing his arms from where they’d still been clamped around Logan’s waist and stepping smoothly towards Patton, clipboard held aloft “A pleasure to meet you, if you could just sign here...”

“BUT-” Patton paused, hand still raised to accept the clipboard, and looked over again at Logan who found himself mumbling: “but - but the groom is supposed to sign for it?”

And Patton just smiled at him looking a bit bemused and goes ‘I am the groom? And who are you kiddo?”

Logan says he’s Logan. Patton suddenly looks a whole lot less friendly.

“Oh.” says Patton. “You.”

And since Logan’s mind is currently refusing to take in the information in front of him Janus is the one who ends up stepping in between them and going “so just for 100% transparency - you are Patton.

“yes?”

“and today you are marrying the love of your life: Virgil?”

“Yes!”

“And are either of you, at any point today, also planning on marrying one Roman Sanders, caffeine addict and terrible communicator?”

And Paton burst out laughing and says “ROMAN? Virgil’s big brother Roman? He’s my best man but I don’t think we’re planning to take it any further...”. And because Patton is apparently much quicker on the emotional uptake than Logan he gives him a vey soft, if slightly exasperated, look and says:

“Roman - who again, is my future brother-in-law- is helping set up in the main hall.”

And Logan likes to think he said thank you before he took off fucking RUNNING through the building but he can’t be sure.

So he gets to the hall, where a load of people are setting out chairs, putting up flowers etc, and skids to a stop at one end of the aisle. Shouts: “ROMAN.” (Roman and Virgil, who were standing at the other end arguing over a flower arrangements, both look up) “YOU’RE NOT MARRYING YOUR BROTHER.”

“um.” Says Roman “No?”

Explanations are given. Virgil, who is a lot more talkative now that he’s not on 7th wedding appointment of the day burn out, is ready to physically fight Logan for breaking his brothers heart. And then once he understands the full story is ready to kill both of them for being such dumbasses.

Roman: But I s2g I told the guy on the phone that it was the groom and best man coming??? Logan: Yeah he might have lied and said you were a couple for a joke, or he may have just straight up not listened to you. Either way, he is just Like That.

Logan: WHY DID YOU NEVER MENTION VIRGIL WAS YOUR BORTHER?? Roman: I WAS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND ALSO SEDUCE YOU WHY WOULD I WASTE TIME TALKING ABOUT MY LITTLE BROTHER??? Virgil: Yeah...he does like talking about himself, sorry he’s just Like That.

Anyway it all ends fluffily, Patton and Virgil get married. Roman cries. Logan and Jan hang around for the wedding. Roman and Logan hold hands throughout the speeches and dance during the reception. Roman has to go back to law school soon but they agree to call each other every day at 2pm to catch up and argue.

Janus gets off with the moustachioed DJ.

And Roman and Logan get another chance at their first kiss.

#sanders sides fic #logince #roman sanders #logan sanders #Loceit #Platonic Loceit #janus sanders #SANDERs sides #YEAH THIS ONE ALSO GO AWAY FROM ME #i might write some of these scenes up properly or draw them out #this was fun #fake fic meme #sidespart writes #Anonymous

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prurientpuddlejumper · 3 years

Text

Death Threats

Summary: What if the people threatening Barba went after you, too?

Warnings: Angst. Injury. Fluff. (I realized the timing puts this in the episode Heartfelt Passages, so that was a busy day for poor Rafi.)

Dedicated to @teamsladsandgents for inspiring me to get stabby.

2,256 words

You thought he punched you, the man in the elevator. It wasn’t until the doors chimed open and he was striding quickly but casually from the building that you realized you were bleeding.

The inch-wide slit in your shirt took a moment to start bleeding in earnest as you stood in shock, time frozen along with your body. Then thick, dark amounts of it began streaming through your fingers.

The elevator doors were sliding shut before you thought to stumble out with your last ounce of strength—to scream for help—before your body sank to the ground, leaving you alone in your metal coffin. You tried to sit up again, but it hurt and made more blood come out.

You couldn’t reach the elevator buttons.

You were so tired.

The funny thing was, you weren’t afraid. Just disappointed. You always thought you’d turn into an action hero if you were attacked—that adrenaline would awaken some ferocious, hitherto unseen warrior within, like Jason Bourne.

But it all happened so fast.

It was over before you noticed a blade in his hand. Over before you processed that he had said something to you, just before that dull punch in your gut.

“That ADA you’re fucking sticks his nose in the wrong people’s business.”

It was strange that you weren’t thinking about your mom or your best friend of ten years. As you pressed as hard as you could to stem the bleeding, you didn’t see your whole life flash before your eyes. The only thing on your mind was your boyfriend of the last several months, the sarcastic lawyer who kept so many walls up, and the petty argument you got into earlier about his canceling lunch plans again.

None of it seemed real. Didn’t seem like the way the story of your life ought to end—bleeding out in an elevator.

It was getting hard to concentrate on what to do next.

OK. The buttons wouldn’t work. Too far to reach.

No one can hear you scream.

Phone.

Your phone was in your pocket, but you had to take one of your hands off of clamping your gut to reach it. Blood streamed through your fingers—so much blood from such a small hole. Your hand was too slick with it and shaking to grab hold of the phone. If you could get it, you could call 911.

“Work, you fucking hand,” you thought. You thought that was an undignified last thought. It should be something profound. Poetic.

But no. Your last thought was going to be swearing at a Samsung.

Tired.

You never remembered if you managed to get the phone from your pocket or not. It didn’t matter anymore.

The last thing you remembered thinking about was Rafael finding out you were gone, his eyes red from mourning. Blaming himself. You wished you could tell him… If you died, you wouldn’t be there to cup his cheek, to make him smile again. To tell him what you whispered to the dark elevator, alone.

“It’s not your fault, Rafi.”

***

The man’s name was Felipe Heredio, a lieutenant of the BX9 street gang. There was already a warrant out for his arrest when he stabbed you. ADA Rafael Barba identified him in a lineup as the man who was stalking him only an hour after a neighbor found you lying in a pool of blood. The fact that he was already in police custody might have been relieving to you if you were conscious. You might have felt proud that it was Barba who ensured he was arrested.

And your heart might have broken when Barba’s phone rang, and his entire world stopped.

***

Rafael’s eyes were red from crying when you woke up with oxygen tubes in your nose, and your hand cradled in his. Your throat hurt more than anything else, oddly, which you would later learn was from being intubated for surgery.

The first word you croaked upon regaining consciousness was, “Sorry.”

A collection of empty coffee cups was scattered around the feet of his chair so he could stand vigil for however long you had been out. His eyes were not only red and wet, but bulging with that jittery, over-tired, caffeine anxiety.

You knew how busy Rafael was. That it was a weekday (technically, it was already tomorrow), and he’d have court in the morning. What you didn’t know, because he didn’t want to weigh you down with his world, was that Barba had already mourned one death today, and that one more loss might break him.

You were sorry for causing him so much trouble.

Rafael was having none of it, of course. He tried to keep his voice from shaking when he told you, “Why in god’s name would you be sorry?” followed by barking, “Stop that—don’t try to sit up. Nurse!”

His bedside manner was well and truly atrocious.

The next hour was a dizzying blur of nurses checking your vitals and helping you use the bathroom, then answering a uniformed officer whose questions you could barely understand through the morphine haze.

When it became clear what had happened and why, Rafael became unusually quiet. All of his follow-up questions and complaints of, “is this really necessary? Can’t you do this later?” fell away. He slumped in the visitor’s chair beside your bed, his hand still holding yours, but in pensive silence until the officer finished, leaving you alone except for the security detail at the door.

Then the apologies came. The heavy confessions that he’d been receiving threats for a year, and this was all, all his fault. Admittedly, if it weren’t for the morphine drip dulling everything, you might have been pissed off that he knew this might happen and kept it to himself. He kept so much to himself, you had to read about his cases online to know what was going on in his life. But his face—which you always thought babyish, with his smooth cheeks and lips ever-ready to flash a sarcastic smirk—was drawn, making him look old and haggard. He was too serious, too raw to possibly blame him.

“I’m so sorry for putting you in danger. I never should have gotten you involved in this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he choked. “I’ve been getting threats since I indicted those cops, and I haven’t exactly been on… anyone’s good side. I should never have started dating you.”

Like a slap in the face, that sting made it through the morphine. You jerked your hand out of his.

“That came out wrong. It’s true, though. I was selfish to think I could…” He gave a melancholy sigh as he sank back in the chair. “It will be safer if we keep our distance from now on. This will never happen to you again.”

You never imagined you could get stabbed and have your heart broken on the same day, or that the latter would hurt worse.

“Then what are you even doing here?!”

“I had to know you were OK. But as long as I’m getting death threats—”

“Wait, wait. You’re saying you’d rather give up being with me than give up a legal battle with powerful enemies?”

His eyes widened and he stared like a deer in the headlights, only where the deer was an insensitive workaholic, and the headlights were the blinding rays of truth. It wasn’t even a surprise that he hadn’t thought of it that way—this was every fight he’d had with an ex just before they broke up with him.

“I, uh—”

You grabbed his face and dragged him down into the softest kiss, which was not what he was expecting. He almost yelped (though it melted into a whine) when his fiery hot, coffee-flavored lips hit your cool ones. When he pulled back, lips wet and parted, his brow furrowed in confusion over still-widened eyes.

“You are… the sweetest.” Your hand lingered on his cheek as you gave a doped-up-on-painkillers smile. “The most selfless, noble… bravest… amazing man I have ever met. I love you so much.”

“I… what?”

“Rafael”—your thumb lazily stroked his cheek—“I know how much you care about me. Even though you’re married to your job and it’s frustrating as hell sometimes, I’ve never been insecure that you don’t love me enough. I know you never tell me about your cases because you want me to be able to sleep at night. You worry about me too much. And you always look so nervous whenever I leave, like you think I’m never coming back this time.

“So the fact that you would sacrifice your own happiness before you’d let an injustice go unanswered… that’s incredible. You do nothing but give a voice to the voiceless all day, working yourself to the bone without considering the cost to your personal life. You’re like a superhero, ADA Barba.”

A short breath of a laugh escaped his lips as his hand came up to the side of his face to cover yours. His eyes were watery, and he looked like he was about to break down again as he bitterly whispered, “A superhero who almost got you killed.”

“I’m not leaving you, you know.”

“Cariño. If anything happened to you, I couldn’t—couldn’t…”

“Nothing’s going to happen. It’ll be OK. I’m not leaving you alone.”

A tear wavered precariously close to the rim of his eyelid until he turned away, rubbing his face. It was gone when he turned back. “You could have died because of my fucking work! I’ve never given you the time you deserve. How do you still want to be around me?”

“Hey, someone has to be there to protect you when you get yourself in trouble,” you grinned.

Rafael Barba couldn’t take any more. He bent over the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around you, doing his best not to snag any of the many tubes coming out of you or put any weight on anything below your diaphragm, but hugging you to him as tightly as he could. You felt his trembling breathing in your hair, and hot wet spots pooling on your neck.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Your free arm closed over his back, stroking his broad, tense muscles through his shirt. “I’m really glad I didn’t die,” you whispered, finally allowing yourself to feel scared now that he was here. “I didn’t want to die yet. Not like that.”

“I’m sorry.” He breathed in, and his arms tightened protectively. “You have no idea how terrified I was. I’m so sorry…”

“Shh,” you whispered. You clung to him, soothed by his familiar cedar and citrus scent, fainter now after a long, harrowing day, mixed with the masculine smell of sweat.

“I’m glad you’re alive, too. I can’t lose you. I can’t. I love you more than anything.”

Soon—too soon, because you wanted to continue talking—you drifted to sleep in his arms. And once again too soon, you woke up with your entire abdomen on fire, and nurses bringing you pain medication. Rafael was still there, half asleep next to you in the narrow bed.

He didn’t leave you.

Even if it put you in danger, he would rather be beside you, making sure you were OK than cutting you out of his life and hoping the bad guys got the memo. He couldn’t put you through that pain, even if he could do it to himself. Especially when you pondered aloud to him whether you’d survived because you were thinking about him—that you refused to die before seeing him again, knowing what a wreck he would be.

Recovery was long, and interspersed with doing nothing but fall asleep when you’d rather stay awake, and not being able to sleep at all. Rafael (and his security detail) moved into your apartment when you were released from the hospital so he could take care of you—as grumpy and bossy and sarcastic as his bedside manner might be.

You swore you were going to sign up for Krav Maga or Cobra Kai or something once you could exercise again, since apparently you were not a secret knife-fighting ninja deep down. Next time, you wanted to be a badass who could fight back, and never let anyone harm your overzealous ADA when he kicked the hornet’s nest.

Eventually, you would convince him that it wasn’t his fault that bad guys had acted like bad guys. And he would convince you that taking care of you wasn’t a burden—that the emergency time off from work was worth it. He started replacing “sorry” with “I love you.”

In the end, while you wouldn’t say being stabbed was a good thing, or that you’d choose to be stabbed again if you had the option, it did ensure Heredio was put away for a long, long time. It left you with a cool scar, and a new catchphrase for expressing your displeasure—“I’d rather be stabbed again than do the dishes!”

Fine, it also left you jumpy and made your chest tight whenever you found yourself alone in an elevator.

But most importantly, it brought down the walls Rafael had been keeping up around himself. He talked to you more. You talked to each other more. And he remembered to—on occasion—take time out of his heroic, selfless life of battling injustice, and selfishly spend it with you.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

@beccabarba / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @delia26 / @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes / @storiesofsvu

#Rafael Barba #Rafael Barba x Reader #my writing

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supernova-variations · 4 years

Text

10th Doctor, Brave

(not my gif!)

10th Doctor x reader

warnings: mentions of anxiety. but overall a fluffy oneshot with a slightly angsty ending? word count: 2000! got carried away with this one but i don’t care. i had so much fun writing this! request: Ola could do a picture with Doctor ten and reader / fem with the music phil collins - you'll be in my heart

A/N: before all of you read it, i just want to remind you how brave all of you are. even if you don’t know it. you just need to be shown that you are capable of everything. i love you guys so much. thank you for the never-ending support. mary xx

“Brave”

Come stop your crying

It will be alright

Just take my hand

And hold it tight

The Doctor came when she needed him the most, crushed by her own expectations and broken spines of old university books. Y/N measured her worth in coffee cups and hours she spent not-sleeping. She couldn’t be the judge of her beauty, she was way past looking at herself on the mirror, striving to gain knowledge to please everyone around her. She wouldn’t allow herself to fail, even if it meant running on fumes with limbs shaking from a caffeine overdose.

Afraid of failure, that’s who she was.

But we all have our limits, don’t we? Apparently, Y/N’s limit was the Latin exam, the one that got lost in her mind, tucked between a fifteen pages long essay due Monday, and an oral presentation that was supposed to take place the next day. Even the books in the library – usually her friend – seemed to judge her incompetence. Absurd thoughts filled her mind – maybe if she hid under the table and closed her eyes people would just forget that she existed? Maybe she would forget that she existed.

“Taurus agricola fugat,” she mumbled, tightly hugging her knees, her stomach turning into a big knot of nervousness, a bitter taste in her mouth. “No! Agricolae taurum fugat. N-”

“Why are you crying in Latin?” A pair of converse-covered feet peeked under the table, soon to be followed by a head full of ruffled, chaotic hair and concerned deep-brown eyes.

“I’m trying to bring back the Roman Empire to life,” the bitter joke escaping her lips mixed with a waterfall of tears streaming down her pale cheeks.

“Come on then, it’s not a place to do that.” The man reached out his hand and she grabbed it without hesitation, holding it tight. His fingers were slim, tender and warm, bringing comfort to all the cells inside her body that shrunk with the terror of the upcoming exam. “I’m the Doctor by the way.”

I will protect you

From all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

Y/N pounded on the chamber’s door with great force, her knuckles turning pale and bloody. She was suffocating, but not because of the lack of air. Her body decided to shut down, anxiety shaking her bones to the core.

A small window provided the girl with a view on a narrow, long corridor. She looked around to find something heavy to crush the electrical mechanism of the lock, the lasts of adrenaline kicking into her bloodstream. There was nothing around her, she knew that already, but she couldn’t give up. The Doctor would give up.

Soon enough Y/N found herself on the floor, the walls getting closer and closer, pressing against her back and knees. She could do so much more, right? Discover the world beyond the coffee-stained pages of the university books, brush her fingers against the ancient ground – only with a snap of the Doctor’s fingers. He promised her that. He said she would be safe with him, only if she took his hand and held it tight.

The ship was about to collapse and the Doctor ran towards the vault. Y/N forced herself onto her feet, knees bending with fear. She could decipher her name from the movement from his lips. The coat floated outside of his slim figure, not being able to catch up with his fast movements. Even the time he was slowly running out of couldn’t stop him.

“Don’t you dare cry, Y/N! I will be there!” And soon she was. In his arms. With only one problem: the ship was about to collapse.

For one so small,

You seem so strong

My arms will hold you,

Keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

Can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry

Y/N wasn’t afraid to cry in front of the Daleks. It was good to show them her humanity, to remind them what they weren’t capable of. “Cry baby” they used to call her, but she wasn’t embarrassed by her feelings by now. The Doctor showed her the beauty of them, the beauty hidden within.

“You don’t seem to know who he is,” Y/N laughed bitterly, angrily wiping the tears escaping her eyes. Resting her ear against both of the Doctor’s hearts, reassured by their beating, she got up slowly, limping on her left feet. The sudden explosion knocked out both of them and she was the first one to regain consciousness.

The Time Lord laid on the ground, sonic screwdriver abandoned on the ground. Without a playful smile on his lips and sparkling eyes, he seemed out of place, like an impostor, and that broke her heart. But he needed her, even if she was small and fragile. He didn’t teach her to be strong, he simply showed her how.

She faced the Dalek, resting her teared-up but furious eyes on the creature. She would take one step at the time, just like the Doctor taught her, gravel shifting under her feet.

“He is the Doctor.” The Dalek screeched. “He has been exterminated. And so will you be.”

“He is so much more than the Doctor.” She moved further, jumping on her right feet, the sprained ankle sending fireworks of pain to her synapses. “And so am I.”

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart

Always

“Are you sure about this?” Y/N asked him, holding onto the sleeves of the Doctor’s jacket. He wasn’t terrified, not at all. A goofy grin lit his face when the heavy wind hit their figures. How they still stood in the middle of a storm was an enigma to Y/N. Maybe the Time Lords defied the laws of gravity.

“Was I ever sure about anything?”

“Don’t be cocky!” The companion scolded him, earning another boyish laugh from the Doctor. He expected her to jump off a building. Not any building; the highest building in the world. She rested her eyes on his face, focusing on counting the freckles on his cheeks. She knew that if she even dared to trail off her gaze towards the void beneath them, she would most likely faint.

“Thought you were deadly scared of heights, and here you are, lecturing me. I adore you, Y/N Y/S.” The girl shivered at how her surname sounded in Doctor’s lips. He made her feel like she was a giant, capable of anything. No matter if it was a Latin exam, deadly Dalek, or a collapsing ship.

“Allons-y before I change my mind?” Gripping on to his arms, Y/N took the first leap. They were so close she could feel the Time Lord’s eyelashes tickling her cheek.

Why can't they understand the way we feel

They just don't trust what they can't explain

I know we're different, but deep inside us

We're not that different at all

Even though they were so different – hell they weren’t even the same species – they belonged to each other. When one was anxious, the other one filled them with hope. When one needed slowing down, the other one told him to take a deep breath. The Doctor and Y/N found themselves in a curve of time, imprinted as a mere fraction in the universe’s history. It wasn’t possible and yet it was.

“What is this called again?” Y/N gasped, examining a tiny object in her hand. The surface of a shining ball seemed to shift it’s constellations and orbits every time she turned it around. The Doctor had told her that she was holding a miniature universe in her hands. “I mean, it’s not possible. In my physics classes, we’ve-,”

“Haven’t I proven to you that physics is so much more than school education? You can’t simply grasp it. It’s intangible. Well,” he stopped himself and cupped her hands with his own, “usually. Right now you are holding physics in your hands.”

“Physics, physics, physics?” Y/N reminded him, meeting his eyes and he smiled at her.

“Physics, physics, physics.”

She could hear the happiness stroking his vocal cords.

Don't listen to them

'Cause what do they know

We need each other, to have, to hold

They'll see in time, I know

“Ah, the Doctor and one of his pets. At last.” A voice echoed throughout the empty hall of the Westminster Palace. Who would have thought that the current Prime Minister was indeed a Reptile? Well, only the people on the internet.

“Yes, nice to meet you. Or not. Funny enough, you’re the one that resembles a…pet.” Y/N cocked her head to the side and looked up at the Doctor’s expression. She carefully studied his face, how his nose curved and the subtle raise of his right eyebrow.

“Twelve million people just punched the air,” The Doctor snickered and leaned onto the wall. “Sorry, a mistake in calculations. You can add two more people to that number. You know why? Never let me near all those buttons.” The sonic screwdriver pointed at the secret panel hidden behind a painting of one of the kings of Britain. Probably a Reptilian also.

“Are we officially a number one enemy of United Kingdom?”

“Oh yes! Yes, we are!”

When destiny calls you, you must be strong

I may not be with you

But you got to hold on

They'll see in time, I know

We'll show them together

Old Y/N would cry at this point – terrified of alien destruction, the Time Lords pulling through time itself, the unpredictability of the Master. It was time to be strong. She had to, the Doctor counted on her. The whole world did.

The Doctor didn’t need to hear the four knocks coming from the chamber, radiation levels rocketing on the panel where Y/N stood. The Time Lord already knew what had to be done, it was his time, his song was ending. He didn’t think of the things he could do if he had the opportunity, because he knew his Y/N could do so much more. Brave to stand where she stood, facing all the dangers and the end of the universe itself.

“It’s an honour, Y/N.”

“Please, don’t.”

Just look over your shoulder

I'll be there

Always

In his last hours, he allowed himself to push the leaver inside the Tardis and see Y/N for the last time. He went way back, crippled by pain, and peaked outside the blue door, seeing his beloved one walking on the sidewalk, buried with notes, ready to study for the Latin exam she had forgotten about. In just a couple of hours, they would meet for the first time, only she didn’t know it yet. But he did – the burden of the Time Lords, wasn’t it?

“Please, look over your shoulder,” he pleaded, his voice at the point of breaking, sharp pain bending his back, deep brown eyes hidden behind tightly shut eyelids.

“Y/N, please. Please look over your shoulder.”

But she didn’t. The last thing he saw before shutting the Tardis’ door was the time machine of his past self and the Doctor’s head peaking onto the street. He envied him.

The younger Doctor looked over his shoulder, staring confusedly at a disappearing time machine. A feeling in his two hearts told him to visit the library nearby.

184 notes · View notes

thetreeturnedoff · 3 years

Text

alright! hyperfocus was on my side tonight so i compiled a list of all the caretakers from @hetalia-caretakers for them since people were asking for a list and one hadn’t been made yet (also side note y’all should totally go check out that blog, it’s amazing). i’m planning on updating this list as more people are added, too, and if anyone spots any mistakes here please let me know so i can fix them!

first, here’s the list of the caretakers with names and pronouns:

america - jerry (he/him), madeline/maddie (she/her)

china - zhang huijiong (they/them)

cuba - maria elena (that’s just a first name) (she/her)

england - bruce (he/him), alicia (she/her)

finland - adelaide (she/her)

france - michel (they/them)

germany & prussia - edith (she/her)

iceland - gabriel (he/him)

japan - naomi (she/her), hotaru (she/her)

latvia - agnese (she/her), twins aivars (he/him) and anita (she/her)

liechtenstein - ana (she/her)

n. italy - dante (he/him)

norway - eleanor (she/her)

romania - alina (she/her)

russia - maeve/maeves (she/her), irene (she/her)

sealand - harold (he/him)

s. italy - juno (she/her)

s. korea - jin ae (she/her)

spain - santiago (he/him)

switzerland - leila (she/her)

next, countries with unnamed caretakers:

all the micronations - (he/him)

belarus

denmark

greece - (she/her)

greece & turkey - (they/them)

sweden - (he/him)

ukraine

and for fun, some honorable mentions:

alina’s dog - anghel (she/her)

bruce’s mom who sends bruce off with cookies to give to england

jin’s cat - gilmack (he/him)

jerry’s cat - sugar (she/her)

below this i’m also putting the appearance and personality descriptions that we have because i’ve seen people talk about that before. i’m really just taking quotes and sometimes rephrasing them to make more sense here, but i’m also providing a link to the post it’s coming from so you can see the original context. because this is coming from multiple anon messages, it’s entirely possible that i’ve gotten things wrong, so if anyone (especially the creators) find anything i did get wrong i’d appreciate being corrected.

first, appearances:

adelaide (finland)

taller than finland, standing at around 5′8; hair is shoulder length and curly, and brown with blonde highlights; eyes are hazel [x]

eleanor (norway)

much shorter than norway [x]

5′9; dirty blonde hair and brown eyes [x]

gabriel (iceland)

around the same height as iceland, give or take an inch or two [x]

roughly 5′4; brunette hair and hazel eyes [x]

gilmack (jin)

fattest boy [x]

harold (sealand)

a “middle aged dude” [x]

redheaded with a relatively short style; average height, around 5′9; brown eyes; wears glasses even with decent vision to prevent his vision from deteriorating; a bit thin and lanky, but with a little muscle; visible signs of not sleeping [x]

jerry (america)

5′7.5, or roughly 172cm [x]

argentinian, but born and raised in new york; has brown eyes, black hair, and tan skin; wears glasses and has a “typical cute, tired nerd look”; very skinny and pretty underweight, but he’s just naturally like that, it has nothing to do with him not eating [x] [x]

jin ae (south korea)

short and brunette [x]

maddie (america)

young and 5′ [x]

filipino [x]

maeve (russia)

“has a death glare that makes flowers wilt” [x]

somewhere around 4′11 [x]

sugar (jerry)

grey with green eyes [x]

drawings of caretakers:

jerry

maeve, michel, jeremy, naomi, irene, and maddie

jerry and maddie (and alfred)

michel

maeve and irene

maeve and maddie

and now personalities (and some other facts):

adelaide (finland)

probably scared of finland because he sleepwalks with a gun or something [x]

"helps Finny with his Santa job every year and loves it" [x]

agnese (latvia)

started out sweet and outgoing, and now she and latvia are drinking buddies; keeps trying to keep up with drinking with latvia, despite him being immortal [x]

alina (romania)

"absolutely the snarkiest person you will ever meet"; "will absolutely bully romania into behaving, too varying degrees of effectiveness" [x]

ana (liechtenstein)

"[liechtenstein's] easy to lose due to both of them being easily distracted, so Ana's life is a constant game of hide and seek" [x]

anghel (alina)

"[alina's] main method of tracking romania" [x]

belarus’ unnamed caretaker

"flips between "oh you're angry don't worry I'll leave you alone for a bit" & "drop the knife belarus, don't play that shit with me"" [x]

denmark’s unnamed caretaker

“just as chaotic as Denmark himself” [x]

edith (germany and prussia)

super lax, and lets germany and prussia do whatever; gets into frequent trouble for not doing her job [x]

while supposedly watching prussia, she plays on her phone the whole time, loses track of him, or “helps him with whatever crime he’s trying to commit”; is definitely addicted to candy crush [x]

eleanor (norway)

"carry a spray bottle of water for when [norway] gets sassy with her"; "essentially “screw the rules you’re gonna do it no matter what I say”" [x]

gabriel (iceland)

he and eleanor are enemies because she feels like he’s too strict with iceland; he refuses to relax the rules he has for iceland [x]

"has threatened to quit because of how whiny Ice gets" [x]

has a long list of rules from both iceland’s government and norway that he enforces with iceland [x]

gilmack (jin)

laziest boy; “lives up to his name [name means roadblock]”; “will always be in front of your feet, or in the way, or be a bed hog” [x]

hotaru (japan)

actually enjoys her job, for the most part; “internally screams” around other nations because she only knows how to handle japan [x]

irene (russia)

“just rather confused” [x]

jerry (america)

probably has ptsd [x] [x]

has hit a point where he just kinda goes along with everything [x]

is aroace; is good at playing classical piano; "anxiety is through the roof, as are his caffeine levels"; "most unlucky guy in the world" [x]

gets random instances of super strength on occasion [x]

jin ae (south korea)

headstrong; “will thwap South Korea with a newspaper if he acts out“ [x]

leila (switzerland)

"sort of a pushover, but can be an amazing older sister figure when [switzerland] needs one" [x]

“not the interrupting type” [x]

maddie (america)

"made [america] back down with a single glance" [x]

is probably a black belt [x]

maeve (russia)

russia is the one scared of her; she doesn’t take russia’s shit [x]

“terrifying” [x]

“would just generally do questionable things, such as eating red red meat at 3 am with all the lights off”; actually volunteered for the job [x]

“small feral woman [who] can and will climb onto everything to get what she needs” [x]

maria elena (cuba)

"super chill, but super strong"; "Whenever Cuba and America get into a fight, she's usually the one to hold back America"; "She's a combo of the mom friend and the wine aunt" [x]

naomi (japan)

seems lazy or like she doesn’t care but actually just constantly gets lost; is always losing track of japan or getting turned around or distracted; probably pretty anxious too [x]

santiago (spain)

“stressed 24/7″; can’t really be upset with spain though [x]

really relaxed with spain as long as he’s alone, but things can get out of hand when he’s with portugal [x]

sugar (jerry)

mean to everyone but jerry; anything but sweet; also basically jerry’s emotional support animal [x]

sweden’s unnamed caretaker

can find sweden in ikea when sweden’s in there [x]

ukraine’s unnamed caretaker

just as emotional as ukraine is [x]

32 notes · View notes

puddygeeks · 3 years

Text

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 72: Hᴀʀsʜ Rᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Episodes: Watch The Thrones

Chapter Seventy-Two

Convincing Jackson to allow me to leave Medical was more challenging than we had even expected and after a considerable effort from both of us, he finally conceded. He agreed for me to briefly visit Bellamy due to the circumstances, but stressed that I was to return immediately after and that if I didn’t, he would send guards to retrieve me.

The camp was eerily quiet as Octavia and I crossed the courtyard and a tense atmosphere could be felt in the air. With the vote for the new Chancellor taking place in the morning, the delicate balance of power seemed ever present and there was the constant sensation that each of us was barely holding back the tide of rebellion.

I paused at the entrance to the holding area, taking a moment to steel myself the reality of Bellamy behind bars, beside Pike. Though I was furious with him and undoubtedly hurt, I couldn’t deny that it would be difficult for me to leave him in that position and reminded myself that I needed to be strong. Octavia slipped her hand through mine, giving me a supportive squeeze and I smiled gratefully at her.

“You’re gonna have enough of an audience already. I’ll wait out here for you.” She explained, placing herself by the door protectively as if assuring me that she wouldn’t allow anyone to interrupt and I took a deep breath before entering.

The room inside was dimly lit and I was met by a guard who explained that I wouldn’t have long. It felt strangely similar to the Skybox as they led me to the cell where Pike and the others were being held and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest from nerves. Bellamy immediately rose to his feet when he noticed me and approached the bars to view me with a conflicted expression.

“Well. How the tables have turned.” I remarked lightly, causing a slight hint of a smile in his tired features and I sighed as I studied him. “What were you thinking? Were you even thinking?” I muttered as I stared into his eyes with intensity and he shuffled on the spot as if he wasn’t prepared to face me.

Bellamy’s faze fell down to his feet and the finer details of his posture indicated that he felt guilty about his actions. Deep down, he knew that this had been a mistake, but I could tell that he wasn’t ready to admit this yet. If anything, being arrested simply gave him an excuse to feel victimised and provided him with a reason to push harder against our leaders.

“I can’t believe that you would do this.” I appealed as I desperately attempted to reach whatever ridiculous justification had convinced him to take part in this, but I could tell that he was conscious of his allies listening.

“You were willing to kill everyone in Mount Weather to rescue us and I’ve watched how that affected you since. It’s torn you apart from the inside. You think that you’re hiding it, but I can see the pain in your eyes. I can’t bring myself to believe that you want to do that again. You’re not that person.” I stated insistently and appeared utterly shameful. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. You’re seeing threats everywhere and it’s like you think you can justify killing anyone who makes you nervous. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you can’t!”

“You’re being an idiot.” He snapped, forcing his face back up and when our eyes met, the guilt that had been present at first was replaced with defensiveness. “You think that every grounder is going to respect us like Arlo respects you, but I remember a time not so long ago when Trikru were spearing our people to trees. They hunted us, Indie. Now, there’s an entire army surrounding us! How can you not see that as a threat?” He presented in a passionate manner, seeming entirely convinced by his points whilst I stared at him in disbelief.

“Because I’m able to understand that they are here to protect us! Clearly that concept is too complicated for you to wrap your head around.” I spat nastily and he shook his head as if I were the one that was being foolish. “We finally have peace. What I can’t understand is why after everything that we went through and everyone that we lost fighting against Trikru, why would you ever want to go through that again?” I interrogated, pleading with him to offer some kind of explanation that I could understand and instead, he simply glanced over at the others in the cell, causing my blood to boil.

“Please don’t tell me that all of this is just because that psychopath thinks that war is the answer?” I growled as I indicated towards Pike and he chewed on his lip. “You are smarter than this, Bellamy.”

“I know that! I’m the one who kept us safe when we had nothing to defend ourselves with. I have to act, because no one else will. I have to protect us before it’s too late!” He yelled, riling himself back into a frenzy and I sighed in disappointment.

For a while I’d known that he felt responsible for us and I understood well how protective that could make someone. I’d considered some insane actions in the past, but Bellamy seemed to have completely lost his grasp on who the enemy was. It pained me to witness him fighting with such passion to do the right thing, whilst we were on opposite sides.

“Indie. Listen to me. You weren’t there when Lexa turned on us. She cut a deal for her own people that handed us over to be killed. The army turned around and left us all there as if it was nothing. I came back to an empty harvest chamber and no way out. This Commander that you are trusting was willing to allow Mount Weather to exterminate us like rats. Even Indra left. She abandoned Octavia and renounced her as her second. How can you honestly stand here and tell me that you trust them?” He recalled with an earnest pain filling his expression as he regarded me and I felt lost for words.

A few moments of silence passed as I battled my emotions, which all swirled around too quickly for me to untangle and Bellamy stared at me with vulnerability as he awaited an answer. Despite the heartbreak that it caused, I had to accept that I couldn’t reach him through the hate that had poisoned him against me and I forced myself to put on a brave face as I clarified our positions.

“If Pike becomes Chancellor and you stand by him, I can’t stand by you.” I declared coldly and though my words were clearly hurtful for him, his expression remained unchanged. “I will never be able to forget that you did this. You will have destroyed everything that we’ve worked for. There will be nothing left for me with you.” I explained, ensuring that he understood the cost of this decision and he nodded slowly as his eyes filled with tears.

“I’m trying to protect you.” He muttered firmly and I had to swallow hard to contain my reaction as I struggled not to crumble right then. “If I have to lose you to keep you safe, then so be it.” He confirmed, his voice shaking slightly as he spoke and I struggled to accept that he was willing to allow me to hate him for his cause.

“Earlier you told me how much it destroyed you to think that you had caused my death. If you kill this army, then my blood really will be on your hands, Bellamy. I hope that you can live with that.” I responded curtly with a stern tone and his brows furrowed just slightly, despite his attempts to remain emotionless.

“I always thought that you were a survivor. You don’t have to die alongside the grounders. You’re not one of them. You’re one of us. Choose the winning side.” He pleaded, placing his hand on the bar beside mine and I stepped back, snatching my hand away in disgust.

“And I thought that you were your own man. I never realised that you were such a sheep.” I spat cuttingly as I regarded him with a barely contained fury and I sighed as I battled to contain my anger. “There are 300 warriors out there. If you attack, then hundreds more will come seeking vengeance. You might be too blind to see it, but I know that I am choosing the winning side and the right one.” I growled, watching him slowly step back too and as we both stared into each other's eyes, it was clear that we had reached an impasse.

Part of me longed to remain, to keep arguing until we could reach a solution, but I knew that both of us were equally stubborn. Regardless of how much it pained me to admit, Bellamy had openly admitted that he was content to lose me and I couldn’t think of anything else that could convince him to reconsider. If he wouldn’t fight for us, then I had no choice to accept that we were through.

I sighed deeply and turned to leave, when a familiar voice caused my blood to turn cold.

“I guess that makes me the wolf in sheep's clothing in this analogy then, Sloan?”

Pike called, wandering over to view me with his usual smug attitude and I found myself clenching my jaw the moment that he came into my sight. I trembled with anger as he surveyed me and it took every ounce of my self control to prevent myself from striking at him through the bars.

“Please. You are nowhere near that subtle.” I drawled, thinning my eyes at him and he chuckled under his breath at my comment.

“We have a new start here. Our previous structures are no longer relevant. Our laws are not needed. People are free from oppression and control. I thought that would appeal to you.” He preached, every word that he spoke only increasing my anger and I had to concentrate on controlling myself. “We don’t have to be the people that we were on the Ark. You can stand with your people, instead of struggling against them.” He offered in the kind of tone normally used when presenting someone with a grand gift and I gritted my teeth from the intensity of my scowl.

“The person that I was on the Ark saw you for what you are and that person hasn’t changed. If anything, I’m more certain of my opinion every time that you open your vile mouth.” I spat as my words escaped me like venom and he held his hands out, gesturing for me to elaborate on what I thought I knew of him.

“You’ve always been a manipulative little worm, desperately clinging to any hint of significance and power. It was clear to me in that classroom exactly how self important you are, viewing yourself as our one and only saviour. Look at you, here to save us all, again. Well, let me enlighten you on something. I don’t give a shit what the outcome of the election is, I will never bow to you. One day, you’ll finally get what's coming to you and you had better believe that when you do, I’ll be the one pulling the strings.” I threatened with as much spite as I could muster and he simply sighed, shaking his head at me in disappointment.

“You’re an intelligent girl, Sloan. Headstrong and capable. There is not a single person in this camp who isn’t aware of how useful you are.” He complimented and I rolled my eyes in disinterest. “It's a shame that you couldn’t see sense like your partner here. I heard that the two of you made a hell of a team.” He added with an entirely false sympathy and I bashed my hands against the gate in fury.

“Whatever you did to manipulate Bellamy into following you, I promise, you will pay for it.” I hissed viciously before the guard returned to pull me away from the cell and I shook his grip off to storm out of the holding area in fury.

Octavia hurried after me in confusion as I passed her outside and I could feel my entire body shaking with anger, until she placed a hand on my shoulder. I paused on the spot, allowing a long breath to escape my lips as I closed my eyes and tried to summon the energy to cover my emotions from her.

“What happened?” She enquired, moving in front of me to take both shoulders in her hands and I opened my eyes to face her with an even voice.

“He won’t listen to me. He’s chosen his side and nothing is going to change his mind. We’re on our own.” I answered in a calm manner and surprised even myself at my ability to mask how broken I felt.

“What? I-” She stuttered in disbelief as she tried to form a response and I observed the same mixture of hurt and anger cross her face as I currently felt. “Are you okay?” She asked gently, regarding me with a deep sense of concern and just as I worried that I wouldn’t be able to maintain the façade, I noticed Lincoln waiting for her out of the corner of my eye.

“I’m fine. I just really need to get back to Medical. I’m sore and pretty drained.” I excused, hoping that I could use my condition to escape her scrutiny, before my emotional pain burst out of me. “Besides, I think someone else needs your comfort right now.” I added with a glance in Lincoln’s direction and she peered over her shoulder at him.

Though his timing was convenient, his need was genuine as he watched Octavia with an expression that revealed a sense of betrayal that I completely sympathised with. She turned back to face me with a visible conflict and I squeezed her arm gently in approval, before slowly moving away to return to Medical, allowing her to support her lover.

Every step that I took back toward the solitude of my room took too long and it became a battle to keep myself from crumbling whilst I could still be caught. It was fortunate that the halls were empty at this time of night, as I knew that I would not manage another conversation without the dam inside of me bursting and I willed myself to hold it together for just a little longer.

Closing the door carefully behind me to avoid drawing attention, I leaned against it and sighed as I covered my face. Bellamy’s face was clear behind my mind, the pained expression that he wore as he said that he was willing to lose me already haunting me and my heart shattered into a million pieces. Doubt crept into my mind, questioning if anything between us had ever been real and as I caught sight of The Iliad on my bedside, the last of my self control snapped.

I stormed over to the book and snatched it up, launching it across the room with a yell. My ribs ached from the movement, but I was too out of control to stop myself as I began clattering things over in a mania. Rage that pulsed through me, feeling like a force of its own and I was puppeted by its whims as I tore around the room.

The door swung open as Jackson rushed inside and regarded me with an expression of disbelief.

“Indie! What are you doing?” He gasped as I continued on my path of destruction, blinded by emotion and he ran over to block me from continuing. “Stop this! You’ll rip your stitches” He pleaded as he grabbed my arms in an attempt to contain me and I fought against him in desperation.

“I don’t care!” I howled as I struggled against his grip and without warning, my body lost all strength as tears exploded out of me.

Jackson held my arms to steady me as I sank to the floor and didn’t hesitate for a moment in sitting at my side. Sobs wracked my delicate chest as I gasped for breath and he carefully pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me protectively. I couldn’t calm myself enough to speak as months of buried emotion forced its way out of me and Jackson held me tight with a hand stroking my hair for comfort.

“It’s okay. Let it out.” He whispered as he gently rocked me just slightly and I clung to him with desperation.

Denial had allowed an overwhelming amount of fear and pain to gather within my mind and now that I finally released it, I understood how destructive it was. My body trembled violently, as my mind filled with all of the recent horrors that I had buried, such as the captivity in Mount Weather, the pain of my loved ones in the aftermath, the guilt of my own actions, the loss of Gina and, the final straw, Bellamy’s betrayal by attempting to murder Trikru in cold blood. In all of the time that I had leaned on him, I’d failed to rebuild myself and now that I was alone, I felt like an empty void with nothing else to give.

Jackson patiently waited for me to calm myself enough to risk moving me and once I caught my breath, he lifted me gently onto the bed. Tenderly, he wrapped the sheets around me to combat my trembling, before sitting closely at my side and allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder.

“I can’t do it anymore.” I whispered, my chest burning from the strain and he threaded his hand through mine, tracing his thumb along the back of my hand soothingly. “I can’t carry it all. I can’t carry everyone. It’s too much.” I confessed in a voice that was hoarse from my tears and Jackson sighed thoughtfully.

“You know, I admire all of you kids for surviving. All of the odds were against you and still, you held out. But honestly, it’s you that I admire most of all.” He divulged in a soft voice and I glanced up at him in confusion.

“Most people would be broken after a day in your shoes. I remember your case. You’ve never had it easy and I can’t even imagine how you’ve not gone completely insane at this point. You have every possible reason to be a hateful, distrusting sociopath, but instead you have the biggest heart and I’ve watched as you wear it on your sleeve. You love so earnestly and you stand up for what you believe in, even when you know that it will get you hurt. You are endlessly brave, Indigo and I wish that you could see yourself as I see you, because you amaze me.”

“They say that there’s a fine line between brave and stupid.” I muttered, rubbing at my tired eyes as I tried to comprehend the idea of Jackson admiring me and he chuckled sweetly under his breath.

“And yet you balance it so well.” He praised, flashing me a reassuring smile and I fidgeted awkwardly under his gaze. “Listen. I know how much it hurts to be betrayed by someone you love. It feels like your heart will never heal right now, but I promise that it will. What’s important is that you allow yourself the time to do so. You need to rest your body and stop putting everyone else’s needs first. I know that you think of yourself as the mom of your little family, but they’re all adults. They can take care of themselves whilst you take a little time to rest.” He advised with a wise attitude as he smiled fondly at me and I scoffed at this idea.

“Now is hardly the time for me to take a break, Jackson. If you hadn’t noticed, we’re on the verge of either a rebellion, or a war. Hell. Both is also possible! They need me.” I argued, sniffing from my tears and he raised a brow at me sceptically.

“Things will always be chaotic. No one said that life on Earth was gonna be easy. Fortunately, though, you are not the Chancellor, so it’s not your job to care of everyone. Your only job is to take care of yourself and it’s my job to make sure that you do that.” He remarked lightly as he stood and left the room, returning with a medical cart.

“Speaking of rest. I’m going to give you something to help you sleep. The votes won’t be counted until tomorrow, so there is no reason for you to be out of bed tonight. If things are as bad as you say, then you’re going to need your strength.” He lectured as he injected me with a sedative and I simply sighed in defeat, feeling too drained from my outburst to argue with him.

“Promise that you’ll wake me to vote.” I ordered drowsily as I felt the last of my reserves fizzling away and he smiled fondly at my attitude.

“Promise.” He confirmed as he dimmed the lights and carefully ensured that I was tucked in, holding my hand gently whilst I gradually drifted to sleep. “Goodnight, my little rebel.”

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

Jackson kept his word to ensure that I was able to submit my vote for Kane, forcing the team to attend my room to collect it so that I wouldn’t leave my bed. I managed to stay awake for long enough to complete the process, before slipping back under the effect of the sedative.

When I next woke, afternoon light streamed through the window and I felt better rested than I had in a while. Regardless of the outcome of the election, I knew that today would be difficult and took some time to calm my thoughts before I got dressed.

After yesterday’s breakdown I felt much more in control of myself, having released all of my hidden upset and all that remained was a subtle anger that simmered in my stomach. Though I knew that this was the most dangerous for me, hiding from the chaos of camp wasn’t an option and I had to believe that I was strong enough to control it.

I didn’t rush to leave my room, taking the time to brush my hair back into a neat ponytail and splashed my face with cold water to calm any redness which might reveal how much of the night I had spent crying. Bellamy’s jacket remained on the chair beside my bed and I stared at it for a few moments, before leaving the room without it.

The air outside was cool, but it simply allowed me to feel clear headed as I wandered toward the courtyard to find a crowd was already gathered. It seemed that the election results were due to be announced and from the grim expressions that Kane and Abby wore, I felt dread pooling in my chest.

Kane took the responsibility of informing the crowd, whilst Abby silently seethed at the edge and I began trembling again as he cleared his throat to speak.

“Listen up, everyone! All of your votes have been counted and verified. It was a close decision, but I can now confirm that Charles Pike has been elected as the next Chancellor.” Kane declared in a remarkably calm voice and I feared that I might vomit as I held a hand to my mouth in shock.

Much of the crowd cheered in celebration, more than I could believe and for a few moments, it was as if the world was crumbling around me as I considered the power that he would now wield. Fear clutched at me, as I worried for Octavia and Lincoln, and all of the sick grounders that were currently being treated within our walls and a surge of anger burst out of me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled in exasperation, drawing the attention of the crowd as I glanced around me in disbelief. “It is statistically impossible for this many of you to be this stupid!” I exclaimed, causing several sounds of disapproval, but I couldn’t stop the words that flowed out of me.

“Charles Pike is a class A manipulator and a borderline sociopath and you all want him to be your Chancellor?! Fuck. We were better off being led by a bunch of terrified teenagers! This man was supposed to prepare us to come to the ground, but instead he abused his power by assaulting his students, inciting a riot and threatening us with manic behaviour. What a fucking glowing example of the Ark way of life!”

“Pike has already answered these accusations, Sloan. Perhaps if you had been willing to learn, then he wouldn’t have had to resort to such desperate measures.” A familiar member of Farm Station called out and although I could see Kane making his way toward me, I refused to be silenced.

“What the hell was attacking us supposed to teach us? How to identify dangerous lunatics? Yeah, we never would have learned that down here. Or maybe we were supposed to learn to fight for survival? But then, we were born on the Ark. We’ve fought for our right to live every single day of our lives!” I yelled as people shook their heads and hurled insults back at me.

“You know what. Fuck it! He is exactly the kind of leader that you deserve.” I spat, before turning on my heel and stomping away, needing to escape all of the furious eyes that currently viewed me.

Before I could even decide whether it was a wise idea, I found myself inside Octavia and Lincoln’s quarters and dove into searching the chest where I had hidden my things from Arlo. I pulled out all of my clothing and daggers, before finally reaching the radio at the bottom.

Holding it in my hands, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as I tried to decide whether I could allow Bellamy the element of surprise to strike the army, knowing that alerting them to this plot might result in his death. My heart ached from being forced to choose between Arlo and Bellamy to such an extreme degree and as I battled over it, the faces of all my loved ones that were being put at risk by this plot flashed through my mind. I tugged at my roots in stress and took a deep breath, before pressing the button to speak.

“Arlo. It’s Indigo. Are you there?” I asked in Trig, my voice small and uncertain.

The minutes felt like hours as I waited for a response and I agonised over the decision in the silent that followed. Despite my feelings for Bellamy, I couldn’t sacrifice my entire family for his delusional commitment to Pike and I prayed that my decision wouldn’t cost me his life.

“If you can hear me, please. Press the button and hold it in whilst you talk. Just like I showed you, remember?” I instructed carefully as anxiety gradually overwhelmed me. “It’s an emergency.” I added, holding my breath in anticipation, but after another few minutes passed without a response, I began to feel deflated.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but I don’t know what else to do. There’s been a coup. A tyrant has overtaken Arkadia and he means to start a war. They will attack the army that surrounds us soon. I can't get out to help. There are still people here who want peace, but we’re trapped inside. Please, if anyone hears this message, you have to warn them. You have to stop this.” I rambled, using every ounce of faith that I had to believe that she would hear me and in the silence that followed, I felt my hands begin to shake as tears filled my eyes.

“Please, Arlo. I need you.”

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flowerspecial · 4 years

Text

Jinyoung Imagine: Enemies to Lovers

So you and Jinyoung have been rivals at school for the majority of your lives. You two were constantly fighting about who was going to be number one in your class. What made matters worse was that you were both trying to get into the same university, and the same scholarship. The scholarship can only have one recipient though, so the pressure to succeed was very high.

For the most part, you tried to stay away from Jinyoung. You never saw the need to know his every move. Sure he was your main competition, and it was helpful to know which classes he was succeeding in and which ones he wasn't. However, if you focused on him too much, then you would lose sight of your own studies, and that would be detrimental to your progress.

Of course it was inevitable that teachers sat you two next to each other. Most teachers could not see the burning rivalry between you two, so they thought that it would be a great idea to sit you two together. Their logic was something that you could never refute, however they were very wide of the mark.

“Good morning, are you ready to fail this test and give me the scholarship?” Jinyoung said to you as you sat down next to him. Today was the starting day of a series of very important tests, these tests decided which one of you would be successful in receiving the scholarship.

“Oh Jinyoung, I just love that you continue to undermine me. It makes my victory so much sweeter when you have to realise that I am smarter than you.” You retaliated. You could never be sure how much revision Jinyoung had done for a certain test, but you promised yourself that whatever amount he does, you will double it. Truthfully, your revision schedule had gotten a little bit out of control, you were sacrificing so much in order to achieve this scholarship.

“Your victories are the ones that you imagine, don't you forget for one second that I am top in this class. I will do better than you, and God is it going to feel good when I get that confirmation that I am superior to you.” You were desperate to wipe that smug look on Jinyoung’s face with the back of your hand, but you knew that violence is futile in situations like this. Instead you roll your eyes at him and continue to get all the equipment that you need out of your bag.

When the whole class was ready, your teacher announced that you had one hour to complete the test. In test situations, you hated sitting next to Jinyoung more than ever. He always seemed to fly through the paper, whereas you appeared to take longer to understand the question. You definitely were not one of those ‘natural’ learners, you worked hard to get the results you achieved.

Jinyoung finished his paper with around 20 minutes to spare, you however felt like you were going to run out of time. You could feel Jinyoung’s gaze burning into the back of your head every time you had to pause to think about your answer. It is always devastating when the amount of revision you do does not seem to pay off in exams, but it is even worse when there is this much on the line. You read and reread the questions a dozen times, but it was like your brain had gone blank. The combination of caffeine, sleep deprivation and anxiety was playing havoc with your brain, and you were annoyed that you only had yourself to blame.

Before you could really register what you were doing, you pushed yourself out of your chair and ran out of the classroom. You had already screwed your chances of getting that scholarship, what difference would leaving the test early make? You did not really know where you were trying to go, but you decided that outside would probably be your best option. You found the nearest exit and ran as fast as your lungs could handle. Once you were outside, you looked up at the bleak sky, took a deep breath, and let the tears flow.

You were crouched on the ground, hugging your knees while you cried. You didn't know whether the tears were out of anger, frustration, or sadness. Or maybe there were a twisted combination of the three. You were furious that you let yourself get into this much of a state, you promised yourself that you never would end up like this. You were focused on getting your breathing back to a normal state, so you didn't notice someone walk up beside you.

“You know, if you leave the exam, you've practically let me win.” A voice you recognised all too well said to you.

“Please Jinyoung, I am not in the mood right now.” You pleaded with him. You kept your head down between your knees, not wanting to look at anything right now. Jinyoung crouched down beside you.

“Why did you leave? I checked your answers, they were all correct.” Jinyoung spoke softly, which was in great contrast to how he spoke earlier.

“I don't think I can handle this anymore.”

“Handle what?”

“The pressure of everything. I can't spend every waking moment revising in fear that I am not going to be good enough. I clearly don't have what it takes so I may as well quit now.”

Jinyoung stood up abruptly and grabbed your arm so he could pull you up with him. “Hey come on now, don't talk about yourself like that. You are the most capable person I have ever come across. If you don't have what it takes to get into one of the most prestigious universities in the country, then all of us have no chance.”

“Oh shut up Jinyoung. How can you even say that? You are better than me in almost every class. I’m clearly not as good as everyone makes out to be, and I am killing myself to prove otherwise. I can't keep doing this, not if I am going to fail anyway.”

“You want to know something?” Jinyoung asked, looking down at you. “If all you are studying for is to move onto the next place, then yeah, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. It's easy to beat yourself up when you correlate success with the comparison of your peers. You should want to study because you enjoy learning. Because you enjoy expanding your mind and feeding yourself knowledge.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I really want you to achieve.” Jinyoung said, very matter of factly. “I know that you think that I hate you, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Ever since the first time you beat me, which was in a science fair years ago, I have always wanted you to go somewhere amazing.”

“Then why do you constantly like to remind me that you are better than me, and are going to succeed more in life?”

“I guess it's because I sometimes forget that people don't thrive on that tactic. I like trying to prove people wrong, and I thought you did too. But now I know that actually trying to prove people wrong is making you ill, I am going to have to try a different method.”

“Oh yeah? And what method might that be?”

“We are gonna be study partners. I will encourage you everyday with compliments and maybe the occasional snack.” Jinyoung winked at you. “I will be your own personal cheerleader, and I will help you get yourself to where you need to be.”

“But why do you want to do all of this for me?”

“Isn't it obvious? I kinda sorta like you…” The rosiness of Jinyoung’s cheeks made you smile, and it was weird to see such a different side to him, but you didn't mind. “But first, we need to do one thing!”

“What's that?”

“We need to persuade the teacher to let you do a retest! We can't have anything like this affecting your grade! Come on let's go!” Jinyoung took your hand in his and practically marched you back to the classroom.

It was weird to think that Jinyoung liked you, you hated to admit that some cliches were real. But you couldn't deny that there was something that attracted you so much to him, and it is not like you were going to deny this beautiful boy being your own personal cheerleader. There are worse people to have by your side!

#got7 #got7 imagine #got7 scenarios #got7 blurbs #got7 jinyoung #got7 boyfriend

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foodcourtdetective · 4 years

Text

thinking too hard

summary: barry berkman has been trying to forget about his soulmate for both of their sakes, but Y/N is making it very hard and using their soulmate connection to draw all over him.

tags: angsty, soulmate au, love at first sight, very brief Barry x Sally, definitely a happy ending!

A/N: I’m just really into soulmate!au’s and Barry Berkman okay?!?! (and // means time passes)

word count 2.4k

AO3 x

He hated Los Angeles. Barry’s long sleeve shirt stuck to him in the desert heat, sweat pooling in his armpits and on his back. NoHank asked him about his outfit choice, offering him a short-sleeved shirt or a tank top.

“You want to take one of their shirts? They won’t mind, they’re confident in their bodies!” NoHank said, gesturing over to the Chechen recruits. Barry shook his head, clearing his throat in discomfort. After a moment, NoHank made a movement to push up Barry’s sleeves for him, but Barry was too quick and grabbed NoHank’s pinky, bending it all the way back.

“Shit shit, okay okay! Someone has body issues! We will talk about accepting your body some other time then.” Barry ignored him, staring coldly ahead as the young Chechen recruit finally hit a beer can with his bullet.

When he finally got back to his apartment, Barry made a beeline for the bathroom, nodding briefly at Jermaine and Nick on his way. After peeling off his shirt and grabbing the sink, Barry took a look at his body or rather what was on it. Today, his soulmate had kept it simple: a heart on his wrist, a note to pick up two lattes at 9, and a flower chain that started at his trigger finger and trailed all the way up his forearm. He sighed, holding back a soft smile as her traced up the stem of flowers with his other pointer fingers. As he ended the journey at his inner forearm, Barry stopped to see a less traditional note: written on his upper chest right over his heart, in simple cursive, it read please talk to me, Barry. A deep sigh filled the tiny bathroom and he gently caressed their handwriting. The familiar movement triggered a whirl of memories.

Writing excitedly on his leg the moment he turned sixteen to introduce himself to his soulmate only to get no response. Giving up on love and joining the Marines shortly after. Noticing the shy hello scribbled on his hand seven years later when he was already too far gone. Writing to them any chance he got once he find out the silence was because they had not been old enough yet. Learning her name was Y/N and that she lived in California. Having to break off communication once Fuches put him to work. The sharp lines she had drawn as she had asked if he could feel the sharp indent of her pen, told him that ignoring them for their own good was ridiculous. The obscene images Y/N had drawn all over him the first couple of years, trying to get an angry message from him, any message.

His heart sank, but Barry knew as much as it hurt both of them, it was better for them to move on, to pretend to not have a soulmate. God knows Barry would rather hide her away, hide his shot at happiness, than have her be tortured or worse by any of his enemies or allies. He groaned, his knuckles turning whiter than the sink.

His acting class didn’t know what to make of him at first; his long, dark clothing sharply contrasted their tight shorts and tank tops, skin flaunting their connections. But despite himself, Barry grew close to Sally, a girl who had never seen any marks on her body. After hearing that Barry also had a blank canvas, she pounced on him with a marker she had seemingly pulled out of nowhere, drawing a star on his knuckles. However, despite her persistence, no matching star appeared on her own. Sally declared them star-crossed soulmates and asked him on a date.

After a late night of drinks, Barry found himself making out with Sally on her couch. She went to pull off his shirt and for the first time in his life, he mindlessly complied, distracted by the intimacy. Sally suddenly shot up from the couch, crying out as she pointed to the drawings adorning his chest. Y/N had seen the star Sally had drawn and, hopeful that it was a message to her, drew out an intricate night sky. Hidden among the stars, scrawled out in cursive, she wrote I’m here when you’re ready, Barry. -Y/N.

“How dare you! You lied just to get into my pants?!” Sally tripped over herself to pick up his discarded shirt, balling it up to chuck at him. Barry pulled it on, dazed all the way home until he saw the message glint in the mirror as he was getting undressed. Barry slammed his fist into the wall, shouting out in frustration. Ass his phone rang, the caller ID revealing it was Fuches, Barry scrambled to put his shirt back on, scribbling a message to Y/N on the fleshy part of his bicep. I’m a hitman. Don’t message me unless you want to die.

After the assignment, Barry found himself staring at his chest and reading her pleas to talk further. That’s not funny. Barry. Barry! Oh my god, you’re serious. That explains a few things. You gotta talk to me, your soulmate? I need to know why. Barry sighed, wandering over to his bedroom to get a pen from his desk. He sat on the bed, anxiously fiddling with the pen in between his fingers before writing on his trigger finger: you still want to talk to me? He waits, watching the loopy letters sweep down his arm like a signature under the floral art she continued to draw every day.

Yes, I have a death wish. He laughed at the absurdity of their conversation before responding.

Why are all artists suicidal?

See, I’d rather have this with you than live without it. Her words made him freeze in his tracks, his fingers gently stroking over the confession as they faded away, scrubbed off by the writer. She filled the now empty space with a series of numbers; Barry furrowed his brow, trying to decode the secret message. After a moment Y/N wrote again underneath them.

Running out of space! Text me! He hesitated, his heart in his throat as he debated if the convenience was worth sacrificing her safety. Finally, with shaking hands, he dialed the number and hit call. A soft hello followed the ringing, the voice so angelic that he knew he would do whatever she asked him to do.

“I said text, not call! You do know how to read, right?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s nice to hear your voice!”

“What? No, I mean I’m sorry for…” Barry trailed off, his mind swarmed by memories of pushing her away and feeling her anguish through the pointy pen tip.

“You wanted to protect me. I get it. Now we’re even from when I couldn’t write to you.”

“That wasn’t intentional.”

“It would have been! I was a pretty rebellious eleven year old.” He laughed, the silence after he finishes awkward until he breaks it.

“I’m in LA.”

“For work?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

Barry doodles a flower on his thumb. It’s not as pretty as any of hers, but she draws a faint heart around it. He brushes the heart, his own beating so loudly it was in his ears.

“I’m scared.”

“Me too.”

“Because of who I am? What I do?” His throat was thick from holding back the dam of emotion, but his voice managed to crack in desperation.

“I’m scared you’re going to leave me again.” Barry paused at that, his own heart breaking a little at the thought of all of the pain he must have caused Y/N by abandoning her. He’s now drawing a bouquet on his forearm, a sloppier version of her own.

“You don’t have to be afraid of that. Once I see you for the first time, I’m probably never going to leave you alone ever again… Not in a creepy way…”

“I would love that.”

“I’m giving you an out right now. You can hang up, stay in the safety of your life as a… what do you do again?”

“Graphic design!”

“I knew you were an artist!”

“And I knew you were a comedian!”

“Weird way of pronouncing what I actually do…” She giggled at that, falling quiet after a hearty laugh.

“Look at your leg. I’ll see you there at 9. Don’t be late!” As she hung up, Barry pressed his phone to his lips in shock. Remembering her words, he pulled his pants down to read the directions she had jotted onto his thigh, the dots in the I’s drawn as hearts instead of dots; he almost died of pure joy right then and there.

In hindsight, it was good that Y/N had suggested a coffee shop to meet because Barry had not gotten a wink of sleep the entire night. He had stared at the ceiling, flat on his back and still fondly stroking her writing on his leg. As his pointer finger traced the hearts, he felt his own thud loudly in his chest. It was easier to protect her when she was just lines on his person, just another part of him that he hated, another vulnerability. But hearing Y/N’s voice, imagining what she might look like, had ignited a wanting within him, a need to be with her, his other half. She was no longer just a part of him; she was a separate entity that he wanted to get to know and love.

He had gotten to the shop as soon as it opened at 4, wanting to figure out where the best table inside would be and staking it out for them. The barista had made him order a drink at 5:30; panicked and feeling about a thousand years old, Barry ordered “something to bring me back to life.” At 6 he was shuttering, borderline convulsing from the quad espresso that he consumed quickly. His anxiety was through the room, but all he could do was dig his fingernails into his palm which was resting on his jeans over her handwriting. What if she wasn’t as okay with the age difference as she thought she was? What if it hits her that her soulmate is a hitman? What if the drawings stop appearing. What if—

Barry jolted awake in his seat, now realizing that he had crashed from the overdose of caffeine. The barista (Stacie, he later learned) made a joke about having to restart his heart. He checked his phone: 8:30am. Suddenly, a thought dawned on him and he ordered another drink. By the time Stacie brought it over and started walking back to the counter, the bell above the door tingled. Barry immediately stood up like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, turning to look at the customer. She sensed his stare immediately, turning to look him over as a dreamy blush painted her cheeks.

“Barry?” She whispered, his name less of a question and more of a disbelief. He swallowed, his throat dry as he looked over Y/N, his soulmate. She was absolutely picturesque, an almost pure aura of light around her as the door slowly shut behind her. As she drew near, Barry was almost too aware of how he towered over, a menacing presence.

“I gotcha a latt-“ Barry didn’t even get to finish his stuttering as Y/N grabbed his collar and pulled him down into a kiss. His mouth was already half open and he stumbled forward from the force of her tug. It wasn’t the most coordinated kiss in the world, her mouth mostly on his bottom lip and her teeth lightly bumped his by accident; but it was theirs. Barry felt his body fill with a warmth, like his whole being was sighing with relief at being united with his soulmate as he kissed her back. He had thought that the doodles and the sound of her voice would do him in, but this… this would knock his entire life’s path off track. After a moment, Barry gently placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled away, just looking down at her in awe.

“How did you know my coffee order?” Y/N asked, her grin stretched out wider than Barry previously thought possible. He babbled for a few seconds, removing his hands to gesticulate as he just expressed a bunch of word fillers before finally managing to get something out.

“Y-you, you wrote it on your hand as a-a part of your to-to-to do list,” he explained, trying to stick his erratic hands in his pockets but Y/N swung her hand forward to snatch his hand. She squealed, making a joke about how sweaty his hand was and Barry thought he would die of a heart attack right then and there. She pulled him down again, this time so they could sit at the table together and she could take a sip of her latte. Barry simply stared at her, his brain slightly short circuiting with delight. Eventually, rational thought caught up with him and Barry tried to remove his hand from hers, but she had a firm grip and a look in her eye that told him she already knew what he was going to say.

“You’re not worried about…”

“I thought we already went over this, Barry. I’m in! I’m all in,” she declared sweetly, leaning over to capture his lips once again. He was consumed by it, by her, his head swirling with a dizziness of emotion and his lungs burning with a heartache of regrets. They could have had this so much sooner, if he had left the army, if he hadn’t made that deal with Fuches, if he hadn’t been an idiot about wanting to protect her. The deep and mind numbing kiss ended as Y/N broke it to breathe heavy. Barry looked at her through lidded eyes, revering her with every fiber of his being.

“You are good at that! It’s a good thing too because it looks like I’m gonna have to kiss you every five minutes to get you out of that type of thinking,” she giggled, moving to lean back in her chair but Barry slung an arm around her waist, pulling her back into him with a soft smile.

“Better make it every two minutes because I’m thinking again,” he joked, his heart glowing as the love of his life obliged his request and kissed him senseless.

#barry berkman x reader #barry #barry hbo #barry block x reader #soulmate au #soulmate!au #barry berkman imagine #barry block imagine #barry berkman #barry block #bill hader #hbo #bill hader x reader #my words #barry x sally

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pinnithin-writes · 3 years

Text

Good Jokes

Chapter 3

Gordon had become increasingly protective of Tommy as the day went on, which would be sweet if it wasn’t ridiculously unnecessary.

The team reached an area equipped with automated defenses, steel paneled rooms studded with turrets that fired off rounds indiscriminately. Apparently Black Mesa’s heat seeking technology wasn’t refined enough to differentiate between friend and foe. Or maybe no living soul was allowed in this part of the facility regardless of planar origin.

Either way, they were all getting shot at.

They took cover, shielding themselves from the popcorn of gunfire. Tommy tucked himself behind a wooden crate, content to wait it out, when he heard hollering from the other side of the room.

“Tommy!” It was Gordon, lying flat on his belly around a corner. He was panting, curly hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, adrenaline making his dark eyes wild. “Get out of the open!”

Tommy tried his best to make the short sprint across the room not look like a stroll. Once he was out of firing range, he stood against the wall and tucked his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. Gordon was still prone, popping the occasional stray alien with the pistol in his hand. He passed Tommy an incredulous look, and Tommy was only able to stare back mildly.

It wasn’t that Tommy was hiding the fact that bullets had no effect on him, exactly. He just figured Gordon was already dealing with enough already without Tommy adding, “hey, by the way, my dad is a god and I inherited his power,” on top of it. Didn’t want to break the guy’s brain any more than it already was today.

Lamely, he tried lightening the mood. “It’s okay, the turrets can’t hurt you,” Tommy said, gunfire crackling around them. “It's part of our… turret-ing test.”

Nailed it. Puns were good sometimes, right? Gordon had been chuckling at his silly rhymes a few minutes earlier. Maybe a pun would land.

“I don’t know what you just said to me!” Gordon shouted over the noise, twisting to fire off a round at an advancing creature.

Tommy sighed and casually jammed the turret with a subtle wave of his hand. This afternoon was way too loud. He needed a break. Five minutes of silence. Please. The gunshots died.

When the coast was clear, Gordon clambered to his feet and the rest of the group emerged from their respective positions of shelter. They gathered in the room together, casting wary glances at the automatic rifle bolted to the wall.

Gordon flicked a questioning look to Bubby, who had so far shown the most initiative in their endeavors aside from Gordon himself. “Did you deactivate it?” he asked.

The other scientist just shrugged and made a noncommittal sound before excusing himself to investigate the surrounding area with Dr. Coomer. Tommy, seeing the concern on Gordon’s face, tried once again to reassure him that they were safe. Give him a little peace of mind while still keeping it vague. He wanted to iron that troubled wrinkle out of his forehead.

“It can’t hurt you if you’re smart,” Tommy told him, the words falling out of his mouth without a real plan. “That’s… why we’re all scientists…”

Oh, no. Too vague. Gordon, apparently misinterpreting his nonchalance for ignorance, turned his anxious stare on Tommy. And then he was raising a gloved hand toward Tommy’s face. And then, oh god, he was cupping Tommy’s cheek, locking eyes with him intently.

“Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy,” Gordon told him. “That’s not how that works. That’s not how that works.”

Tommy’s pulse was running a marathon under his skin. He couldn’t look away. Gordon’s eyelashes were… so long. He and Gordon both were flecked with blood and alien guts, surrounded on all sides by enemies, and all Tommy could do was stare. Why was he fixated on this, why was he like this? He could cruise through a room riddled with crossfire no problem but he froze when the new guy touched him?

Gordon dropped his hand to Tommy’s shoulder, gripping him firmly, still pinning him in place with those dark, fervent eyes. “I need you to preserve yourself,” he went on seriously. “I need you to keep yourself safe, so that you don’t-”

Tommy frantically interrupted Gordon before any more words could come marching out to shock his brain. “This is the Turing test room,” he blurted, reiterating his earlier pun. “The turret ing test room.”

The record in Gordon’s head skipped for a second before he caught the joke and began snickering. He released Tommy to cover his hand with his mouth as he shook his head. Tommy relaxed an infinitesimal amount. Crisis averted.

Bubby, who had returned and was hovering nearby, sent Tommy a cool look before turning his attention to Gordon. “I found a present for you,” he said, beckoning him toward an adjacent room.

Gordon’s head snapped up. “The gun?”

He followed the old man out of the sector with the turret, and Tommy, red-faced, had to take a second alone to calm his racing heart. That was… a lot. It made sense; Gordon himself was a lot. But Tommy hadn’t expected to be so utterly blindsided by the exchange. He drew in a deep breath, let it out slow.

Gordon Freeman was a passionate, caring guy who would have insisted any idiot running through a sheet of bullets should keep themself safe. And he was so wired on stress, maybe he would have clutched at anyone’s face to drive his point home. Tommy had a feeling that wasn’t the case, though, and it scared him as much as it thrilled him.

He composed himself and rejoined the group. Benrey, lounging unhelpfully on a crate in the corner, caught his eye when he entered the room. He sneered and made a jerking off motion. Classy.

---

Things got easier for Tommy once they gave him a Glock.

He hadn’t used one of these in a while, but he remembered the rudimentary training they gave him when he took his position in the Anomalous Materials department. Bullets paled in comparison to spontaneous combustion in terms of alien elimination, but they got the job done. Pulling the trigger and feeling the kick in his hand was incredibly satisfying.

It also felt good to charge ahead at the front of the group, firing off rounds at blinding speeds. Punching bullets through the monsters that lurched toward them was an excellent way to burn off some of the pent up anxiety he had been collecting. He watched sickly green gore spatter the wall as he picked off another one. Cheaper than therapy, he thought wryly. They were… all going to need therapy after this.

Tommy had to admit the admiration his marksmanship drew from Gordon was equal parts gratifying and hilarious. He might as well have been playing hopscotch in the middle of an air raid. Tommy could snap his fingers and immolate these beings instantly if he really wanted to. Freeze the blood solid in their veins. But he wasn’t a showoff, so he accepted the man’s compliments by chalking it up to instinct, keeping his head down and playing the mortal game with a mortal weapon.

At one point, he peeled off from the group to neutralize one of the lumbering beasts they were being accosted by, leaving his colleagues high up on a catwalk and out of danger. It should have been an easy shot for Tommy, but Gordon’s protective streak was apparently a mile long, and he scrambled down to his level to attack the creature with the crowbar. Tommy watched him, bemused, as he took out the alien on his behalf. So brave. So utterly pointless.

He flicked his wrist and winked Gordon out of there, carefully depositing him back up on the catwalk. Faintly, he heard Bubby utter a bewildered, “how did you do that?” to an equally puzzled Gordon and let out a private chuckle to himself.

They eventually reached a cafe of sorts, and after they cleared the room of monsters, Tommy set to brewing up drinks from the machine on the wall. Coffee was good. He always felt he operated at a little slower pace than the steady sprint of time, and caffeine tended to catch him up with everyone else. The other scientists, thoroughly wiped, settled down on the floor to catch their breaths and slow their racing hearts.

Sitting in a circle, mugs in hand, they talked. Grounded themselves in some normalcy. Got to know each other a bit. Benrey was nowhere to be seen, off somewhere doing whatever it was that shithead entities did, which made the flow of conversation infinitely smoother. Tommy sipped the house blend, listening to Gordon as he led the discussion, prompting the team with questions about their homes, their families.

His mouth really never stopped, did it? Gordon had been pelleting them with words ceaselessly almost the entire day; one would think he’d need a break eventually. It was nice that he was curious about his colleagues, though. The fact that the group consisted of a lab experiment, a clone, and a demigod made conversation a little tricky, but Gordon’s genuine interest and concern for each of their lives was lovely.

Tommy learned that Bubby did, in fact, possess a sense of humor, catching Gordon with a zinger about friendship that was as touching as it was mean. Dr. Coomer had his own jokes, too, and Tommy just about snorted into his coffee when he declared, “I had a wife, but they took her in the divorce.” These guys weren’t bad, Tommy decided. Just a little unhinged.

And then Gordon’s attention was on him. “How ‘bout you, Tommy? Where are you from?”

He was from here, of course. Well, technically, he was from all over. His father had made sure Tommy took in a wide range of experiences as he grew up, but he always returned to Black Mesa like a homing pigeon in the end. While the facility had its flaws, the New Mexico wilderness that surrounded it was beautiful. Tommy loved the desert, and he liked to think the desert loved him back.

How did Tommy put something like that into words? How did he explain to Gordon that his only family was an ageless, supernatural being with the ability to bend time and space to his will, and a golden retriever? Coffee steamed in his face as his brain disconnected from his mouth.

“I don’t know, I’m an orphan,” he answered, haltingly. Then, because that was a fucking depressing lie, he cheerfully added, “but I have a dog!”

Gordon, caught off guard, let out a startled laugh. God, those dimples were just stunning. “What’s your dog’s name?” he asked.

“Sunkist,” Tommy answered fondly.

He had no reservations about sharing his dog with the man sitting across from him. He loved Sunkist, and he imagined Sunkist would like Gordon if they ever met. He could already picture the guy’s cheerful smile as he patted the retriever’s head. Good dog. Best friend.

“You named your dog after a soda?” Gordon asked, still grinning outright. “You really like soda, huh, bud?”

He briefly squeezed a hand on Tommy’s knee, and his stomach did a funny swoop like it was on the end of a yo-yo. Tommy blankly held Gordon’s expectant stare for a while and then realized he hadn’t answered.

“Yeah,” was all he could come up with in response.

He sure did like soda. Helped him see faster. That was a thing he had said today. Tommy had said a lot of things today. He was usually a man of few words, but Gordon got him talking, pulled the dialogue right out of him, whether it made sense or not.

And hell, he wanted to keep talking, which was a new feeling for Tommy. He wanted to keep sitting here on this grimy tiled floor and drink coffee and shoot the breeze with this little ragtag team all afternoon. When it was time to move on, he was reluctant to get going.

The apocalypse, however, waits for no one. So he went.

---

Further along in their road trip through hell, Tommy’s father made an appearance. His haunting visage materialized down a hallway, the air shimmering and warping around him like a desert mirage. Nobody really noticed he was there, but Tommy saw him. He always did.

It was later than he expected; Tommy had hoped his father would have found him hours ago to fill him in on what was happening, but that, apparently, was not his plan. His swirling eyes met Tommy’s from where he stood a few yards away. The crimson security lights made him look ghoulish. He didn’t say anything.

Tommy wordlessly jerked his thumb toward the team of scientists he had been tagging along with. Raised an eyebrow. These guys have anything to do with it? his motions asked.

His father tipped his chin back and passed a glance to the distracted team, then back to Tommy. He gave a solitary nod.

Tommy pointed to himself. And me?

He smiled like a bobcat on a moonless night. You are exactly where you need to be.

Tommy sighed. His dad was playing chess again. Odds were he knew far more about the Resonance Cascade than he let on, and was choosing to leave Tommy in the dark to further whatever ends he had in mind. Tommy didn’t exactly resent him for it - possessing cosmic knowledge would probably make anyone’s parenting style a little strange - but he’d appreciate at least a hint about what was happening.

Gordon suddenly pulled up beside him, shining his flashlight directly into his father’s face. The man just eyed him back silently, unaffected by the harsh beam of light. Tommy watched Gordon’s gaze focus disbelievingly on the mirage in front of him.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“What?” Bubby called distantly. He was working on an exit door further down the hall, trying in vain to bust it open while Coomer hooked his fists at the deadbolt.

“The guy in the suit,” Gordon clarified. He gave a concerned look to Tommy. “You see that, right?”

Still clutching his flashlight, he was glancing back and forth between Tommy and his father, grasping at a shred of assurance that he wasn’t completely losing it. Tommy looked back at him pityingly. He wanted desperately to explain things to Gordon, to tell him that there was a plan, to offer his hand in an act of trust.

But his father was staring at both of them wolfishly, and he bit down on his words. Later, perhaps. When Tommy himself felt he had a firm enough grasp on the situation to relay it to Gordon accurately.

Tommy shook his head. It felt like he was slapping Gordon across the face.

Bubby, impatient, scoffed, “What are you talking about? Open the door.”

Gordon ripped his attention away from the shimmering man in front of him. “It’s locked, bro,” he called, and he left Tommy’s side to do damage control. “You can’t - stop. Don’t shoot it open.”

The fact that Tommy’s father had revealed himself willingly to Gordon indicated that he was a person of interest to him. Knowing how he operated, Tommy deduced that this could either be very good or very, very bad. He gave the man a tight-lipped smile. Good to see you, dad.

His father winked. Keep him safe.

I was already doing that, Tommy wanted to argue, but his father was warping out of the room, leaving him to handle the consequences of a dimensional rift on his own. Tommy rubbed his temples with his fingertips. Back to the chessboard.

Chapter 2 <-----> Chapter 4

#ink #fanfiction #good jokes #part of my endeavor to relocate all my ao3 work #guns #violence #hlvrai

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spiritmoony · 3 years

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The Loyalists, Enneagram Type Six

Positives: committed, security-oriented, engaging, responsible, reliable, hard-working, responsible, trustworthy, excellent "troubleshooters," foresee problems, foster cooperation, internally stable, self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others, dutiful

Negatives: anxious, suspicious, defensive, evasive, complaining while stressed, cautious, indecisive, reactive, defiant, rebellious, problems with self-doubt and suspicion, fearful, pessimistic

Basic Fear: being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: security and support

Enneagram Six with a Five-Wing: "The Defender"

Enneagram Six with a Seven-Wing: "The Buddy"

Key Motivations: security, support by others, certitude, reassurance, test attitudes of others toward them, fight against anxiety and insecurity

Direction of Disintegration (stress): suddenly competitive and arrogant at Three

Direction of Integration (growth): more relaxed and optimistic, like healthy Nine

Of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all ideas or authorities should be questioned or defied. Their beliefs may be rebellious and anti-authoritarian, even revolutionary. In any case, they will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.

They are so loyal because they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence. Sixes come to believe that they do not possess the internal resources to handle life’s challenges and vagaries alone, and so increasingly rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside themselves for guidance to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them.

Sixes have the most trouble contacting their own inner guidance. As a result, they do not have confidence in their own minds and judgments.

This does not mean that they do not think. On the contrary, they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.” (The old Japanese adage that says, “The blade of grass that grows too high gets chopped off” relates to this idea.)

If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear. (“I’m on my own! What am I going to do now?”) A good question for Sixes might therefore be: “When will I know that I have enough security?” Or, to get right to the heart of it, “What is security?” Without Essential inner guidance and the deep sense of support that it brings, Sixes are constantly struggling to find firm ground.

Sixes attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. (“If I don’t trust myself, then I have to find something in this world I can trust.”)

"About nearly every decision would involve a council of my friends. Please make up my mind for me! Recently, I’ve narrowed my authorities to just one or two trusted friends, and on occasion, I’ve actually made up my own mind!"

Until they can get in touch with their own inner guidance, Sixes are like a ping-pong ball that is constantly shuttling back and forth between whatever influence is hitting the hardest in any given moment. Because of this reactivity, no matter what we say about Sixes, the opposite is often also as true. They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, bullies and weaklings, on the defensive and on the offensive, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionistic, tender and mean, generous and petty—and on and on. It is the contradictory picture that is the characteristic “fingerprint” of Sixes, the fact that they are a bundle of opposites.

The biggest problem for Sixes is that they try to build safety in the environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance. And they can attain the greatest gift of all, a sense of peace with themselves despite the uncertainties of life.

Levels of Development

Healthy:

Level 1 (At Their Best): self-affirming, trusting of self and others, independent yet symbiotically interdependent, cooperative, belief in self, courage, positive thinking, leadership, rich self-expression

Level 2: able to elicit strong emotional responses from others, very appealing, endearing, lovable, affectionate, trust, bonding with others, forming permanent relationships and alliances

Level 3: dedicated to individuals and movements they deeply believe in, community builder, responsible, reliable, trustworthy, hard-working, persevering, sacrificing for others, create stability and security in their world, bring a cooperative spirit

Average:

Level 4: investing their time/energy into whatever they believe will be safe/stable, organizing, structuring, look to alliances and authorities for security and continuity, constantly vigilant, anticipating problems

Level 5: resist having more demands made on them, react against others passive-aggressively, evasive, indecisive, cautious, procrastinating, ambivalent, highly reactive, anxious, negative, giving contradictory "mixed signals," internal confusion, react unpredictably

Level 6: compensate for insecurities by being sarcastic and belligerent, blaming others for their problems, taking a tough stance toward "outsiders," highly reactive and defensive, dividing people into friends and enemies, looking for threats to their own security, authoritarian while fearful of authority, highly suspicious, conspiratorial, fear-instilling to silence their own fears

Unhealthy:

Level 7: fearing they ruined their security, panicky, volatile, self-disparaging, acute inferiority feelings, see themselves as defenseless, seek out a stronger authority or belief to resolve all problems, highly divisive, disparaging, berating others

Level 8: feeling persecuted, others are "out to get them," lash-out, act irrationally, fanaticism, violence

Level 9: hysterical, seeking to escape punishment, self-destructive, suicidal, alcoholism, drug overdoses, self-abasing behavior, corresponds to the Passive-Aggressive and Paranoid personality disorders

Addictions: rigidity in diet causes nutritional imbalances, working excessively, caffeine and amphetamines for stamina, alcohol and depressants to deaden anxiety, higher susceptibility to alcoholism than many types

Personal Growth Recommendations

Be more present to your anxiety, explore it, and come to terms with it. Work creatively with your tensions without turning to excessive amounts of alcohol (or other drugs) to allay them. In fact, if you are present and breathing fully, anxiety can be energizing, a kind of tonic that can help make you more productive and aware of what you are doing.

You tend to get edgy and testy when you are upset or angry, and can even turn on others and blame them for things you have done or brought on yourself. Be aware of your pessimism: it causes you dark moods and negative thought patterns that you tend to project on reality. When you succumb to this self-doubt, you can become your own worst enemy and may harm yourself more than anyone else does.

Tend to overreact when they are under stress and feeling anxious. Identify what makes you overreact. Realize that almost none of the things you have feared so much has actually come true. Even if things are as bad as you think, your fearful thoughts weaken you and your ability to change things for the better. You cannot always manage external events, but you can manage your own thoughts.

Become more trusting. There are doubtless several people in your life you can turn to who care about you and who are trustworthy. If not, go out of your way to find someone trustworthy, and allow yourself to get close to that person. This will mean risking rejection and stirring up some of your deepest fears, but the risk is worth taking. You have a gift for getting people to like you, but you are unsure of yourself and may be afraid of making a commitment to them. Therefore, come down clearly on one side or the other of the fence in your relationships. Let people know how you feel about them.

Others probably think better of you than you realize, and few people are really out to get you. In fact, your fears tell you more about your attitudes toward others than they indicate about others' attitudes toward you.

#long post #Enneagram six

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