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bing-bang-bingo · 3 years

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- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

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widow-maximov · 3 years

Note

Hi can I request the the boys of the OG6 acting like older brothers of Natasha and then literally interrogating ceo!reader or something bc they’re known for being a player?

Natasha’s just watching them and being embarrassed.

You don’t have to if you don’t want to:)

Anything for you

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst :3

Summary: Your past impacted your future and others trust, are you able to change for her?

Word count: 3.7k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Being in a relationship has never been easy in your life, especially since you are the richest person alive, along side with Tony Stark. Since your dad retired and gave you the company you were doing pretty good for someone your age.

You were a 'player' or well that's what people did describe you, but you liked to call yourself adventurous, it was more of a stress relief type of hook ups never more never less.

Half of the time you thought that since you have money people will use you for it so you kept your cold bitch face and kept going with life.

There was a reason behind that thinking, you remember like it was yesterday. Back when you had less responsibilities on your head, you did date.

There was this boy, who was the most respected person in school, he always helped everyone and even turned you into a bit more social and nicer person to which you gained popularity.

You were practically swooned over this guy, not him as a boy but his personality, he 'loved' you or at least that's what you thought. Since you gained respect of practically every person in the school, there were rumours that your boyfriend only used you for the money.

He had a whole plan of how to get your money, by marrying you like he was going to stick with you for a very long time just so he can take your money and leave you dry.

At first you didn't want to believe it until you overheard his conversation with his friends, he was laughing and just being a dick about your whole relationship, telling them what you told him in secret.

You ended up getting revenge, since you were able to get away with most things, you actually punched him and outed him to the whole school with how he treated you, he was suspended and your father moved you to another school for 'punishment' but he really did you a favour.

Every since that you questioned any relationships after that, whether it was with girls or boys, to you they all seemed the same as your ex. So you stuck with being single for sometime until you accidently slept with someone at a party and that's where you picked up the habits of sleeping around.

It did kind of stop when you took over after your dad retired but as soon as you were doing a good enough job and providing the best solutions for the issues that occurred, you practically had many women in your office, no matter the time.

You tried not to mix work with your sex life which meant your workers were your workers and nothing else but there was an exemption, there was a woman, her name is Ava, who used to work along side of your dad and now she works along side of you, she become your casual hook up which sometimes interfered with work.

Since you always believed in good, Ava suggested for you to work with the Avengers, you agreed and reached out to Tony and offered a deal to help him with anything he needs but you wanted intel on everything they do which meant you were there pretty often.

When you first met the team, it was only a couple of them as most were away from a mission, they were a family that you wanted and lacked. Your father never was a feeling type of guy and your mother never really cared unless she didn't get her money.

The Avengers were different and even if you weren't physically fighting with them, you helped them out a lot since they ruined a lot of property to which you were quick to act to some point you were considered their teammate.

When you met this one particular team mate, you instantly knew she was different. You knew she existed from them being featured on the news but face to face with these people were so different. She was the reason you changed so much.

The more you started to spend time with the Avengers the more you were fascinated by her. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, the Russian, the redhead, you preferred stunning but Natasha would have to do.

She was just as into you as you were into her and you wasn't hiding it, you were obvious which only encouraged her to continue her exploring. Everyone warned her about you but she was too blind and stubborn to care.

You stopped sleeping around when you started to hang around the team more often, which didn't go unnoticed by your own company, especially Ava who worked with you, was she jealous? Of course, to the point where she tried to ruin your chance with Natasha.

You were busy that day, like really busy, ever since you were taking things with Natasha at some pace, you would neglect your work and overload Ava, she didn't mind it because in return she wanted you and she was going to succeed.

She was all over you to which you never paid any attention, your mind was occupied with Natasha, you literally did everything to spend more of your time with the Russian rather than here being a CEO.

You was standing near the elevators, talking to one of your other business partners and Ava was next to you since she was in a way involved into your business.

Natasha was planning to visit you at work as you couldn't leave this time, she wants to watch you be a badass CEO, it turned her on when you bossed people around plus it was more time together so she didn't mind.

Natasha appeared out of the Elevator to which she was spotted by Ava, there was a smirk at her lips as she started her plan. When you and the business partner made a joke, she laughed as she placed her hand gently on your shoulder.

Natasha saw it all, she narrowed her eyes and waited for you to push her away, here where the problems comes. The company didn't know who you starting to change for, so when the next person saw Natasha and where she was looking, they made a comment.

"I wouldn't look so surprised, they had a thing on and off all the time, since Y/n took over, Ava has been sneaking around but we all know"

Natasha nodded with a fake smile and turned around to the elevator, it took everything in her to turn around because all she wanted to do was walk towards you and Ava and literally kill yous on spot.

When Natasha arrived back, the team noticed her sudden change in her behaviour.

"Nat are you okay?" Steve questioned first as he observed the redhead.

She stiffly nodded and proceeded to walk out to her room but Thor stopped her "Okay, you're not okay now tell us what's wrong."

Natasha faced her team mates "It's stupid"

Clint shook his as he sipped his drink "It's not stupid if it's upsetting you"

Tony crossed his arms "Okay, spill Romanoff"

Natasha sighed as she walked over to where they were and sat in between them "I'm having doubts"

Bruce's head popped out from underneath a table "Doubts about what?"

"About what's going on between me and Y/n.." Natasha hesitantly told them.

Steve's frowned at her "Why?"

"I went to visit Y/n at work today and I hate to admit it but I don't think the player habits have stopped, it just worries me that I am being maybe used.." As Natasha finished, she was looking anywhere else but them.

Tony pulled Natasha into his side "It's okay, you have us to protect you, also I think Fury was looking for you so you might want to check that out first"

She nodded and just when she was about to stand up, Tony pulled her into a hug and suddenly everyone wants to hug her to which they did. They had their turn whispering sweet things to Natasha to calm her a little.

"We are having a party later" Tony announced just before the Russian left, she nodded at him and as soon as she left, they turned to each other.

"Okay, here is the plan, the party is there to keep her occupied whilst we question Y/n. I'm not going to allow a player break her sweet heart" Tony spoke up again as he looked from Steve to Bruce.

"I will get the ropes ready..." Clint stated as if he done this before.

Thor looked at Clint confused "I want to ask but at the same time I don't"

Tony rolled his eyes "It doesn't matter, we are going to find out and then decided what we should do with Y/n if it's true"

They all nodded and did their secret handshake that Natasha wasn't apart off because it was dedicated to her to protect her. They split and went to fulfil their parts of this secret mission.

Tony alerted you of the party, Steve kept his eyes on the door to see if you arrive, Bruce takes care of Ava or any other people, Thor takes you away as he is very convincing and Clint prepares for anything that could somehow disrupt the interrogation.

You were worried, each time you would message Natasha there would be no reply, that never happened before which was even more worrying. Your first irrational thought was to sleep with someone to take off the stress but after taking a deep breath you knew this isn't a way to solve this, you needed to talk to Natasha.

As soon as you received a text from Tony about a party, there was some sort of relief in your mind, she was busy with preparing maybe that's why she couldn't answer you.

You told Ava about the party so she cancelled any late meetings, any parties that Tony Stark planned had everyone invited so since you were a business partner of Tony, your whole company was invited meaning Ava was going to be there.

You always had a emergency suit in your office for unannounced parties when you had been stuck at the company for too long. You was ready within minutes and was out the door alone as quick as possible, in hopes that you will talk to Natasha before she gets lost in the part world.

You rushed over and as soon as you gotten into the building Thor stood in your way "Oh hello Thor, sorry I can't talk I'm in a bit of a rush.."

He simply smiled at you "It's okay but Tony really needs you, it has to wait"

You were going to protest but he pulled you along with him, he was much more stronger than you so you had no chance and just followed him.

He didn't simply let you walk in, he pushed you inside as he locked the door behind him, you huffed as you turned to face the door that now was locked, you looked around and suddenly Tony with Clint emerged from the wall.

"Woah, that's cool" You had your brows raised at their new thing.

"So why was I shoved in here?" You questioned now with a serious face.

Clint walked over to you and before you could move away he had you tied with this new invention, you looked at him with shock and then back at the ropes, he placed you down on a chair as suddenly everyone else but Natasha walk into the room.

Now you are surrounded by 5 Avengers death staring you like you had killed someone that was related to them "What is happening?"

Tony had a serious face "You're going to tell us about Ava"

You frowned in confusion "What are you talking about?"

Steve had his arms crossed "We want to know what is going on between you and Ava"

The boys tried their best to keep this whole thing a secret but Natasha was a spy after all so she knew what they were doing, she didn't want to stop them because if it meant somehow getting out the truth without lies she was okay with it, obviously to some extent, she didn't want them to hurt you so she observed from the other room.

"Is there suppose to be something going on between me and her?" You questioned as you stared at Steve with a serious face.

Bruce walked closer as he bend down to your face "There is 5 of us and just you, think wisely before answering Y/l/n"

Were you scared? A little, he was right you were alone and no one knew you were here, but you knew they wouldn't do anything to you well at least that's what you'd like to think.

"I will ask again, what is going on with you and Ava?" Tony spoke as Bruce walked back to where he stood before.

"Nothing is going on between me and her, what makes you think that?" You questioned this time.

Clint sighed as he dropped his hands "Because we know you were involved with her sexually"

You narrowed your eyes "So you five kidnapped me, tied and now you're asking me if I'm still sleeping with Ava, acting like this is your business because?"

Tony scoffed "Because you're messing with our family and we don't like people who hurt our family.."

"I'm not messing with no one-" You were quick to disagree but stopped yourself when you realised who they were referring to.

"You mean Natasha..." You spoke but rather to yourself than them.

"I'm not messing with Natasha" You stated simply.

"Then why is Ava all over you?" Clint asked as he crossed his arms this time.

"How am I suppose to know, I'm not a mind reader"

Clint faced Tony "Okay, I believe Y/n"

You smiled slightly at Clint, but his comment only caused an argument, your eyes wondered around the room, that's when you noticed that the corner of the room is different half way up as if there was glass, not making it obvious that you knew.

You cleared your throat "Can I say something?"

They all looked back at you and nodded in sync "I know yous don't trust me but I will try everything to show you that I don't have bad intentions when it comes to Natasha, now please can you let me go I really need to go"

Tony narrowed his eyes "If you want to show us that we can trust you then tell us where you are in such a rush"

You swallowed hard, you didn't want Natasha to find out this way so you tried your luck again "I can't tell you, I need to go"

Tony inhaled sharply as he looked over at the boys "Well what do you guys say about a round of beers and come back here in an hour to see if Y/n will say something then"

Thor smirked "We can also put the heating on, making it a little too hot here for our little Y/n here"

They all nodded and there was a sense of panic across your face "Okay stop, I will speak"

They all had a smirk and you just continued "I am in a rush to talk to Natasha.."

"Why?" Steve spoke as he walked a little closer to you.

"Well I was planning to do this face to face not through the glass but I'm head over hills with Natasha and I was planning to ask her out but I guess now she knows" You sighed with slight disappointment.

Tony was the one frowning with confusion "What do you mean? Through glass?"

You looked over at the glass "If you really think you know Natasha then think twice, because this woman is a spy, she is behind that glass listening to this"

Clint face palmed himself "I knew this was too good to be true"

Tony pulled out his remote that controlled the glass, he turned off the camouflage and there she stood, with her arms crossed and an embarrassed look across her face, well it was a death stare but you could tell them apart.

As your eyes landed on her face, a smile found it way on your lips really quickly, she always did that to you and you loved that feeling even if you were slightly terrified of it but you would do anything for Natasha even deal with your own issues for her.

Clint walked over as he untied you and allowed you to stand up with a little whine from the pain that the rope left behind, you looked at the boys and they moved out of your way, you looked at them and gave them a small nod as you proceeded your way out.

"You better not hurt her Y/l/n or you'll regret it" Tony simply whispered but just enough so you heard him, you looked at him and nodded with a smile.

You walked out of the room and shutting the door behind you, taking a deep breath and finally looking to your right as your eyes were met with the Russian's green ones, she was staring at you from across and all you wanted to do was pull her into you.

Nothing else but her was on your mind, you walked over to her and just stared at her without saying anything. You didn't even know what words would be right to say so instead she took your hand and pulled you to a less visited balcony.

She stood couple steps away from you to which she spoke up first "Did you mean it?"

Her naturally raspy voice was music to your ears, so you simply nodded because words could betray you quite easily, she sighed with relief as she looked down.

The boost of courage coursed through your body, you took those couple steps towards her as you placed your hand under her chin, making her look up at you.

"Natasha I am sorry if I made you feel like you were nothing more than some cheap hook up because you aren't and you never will be." You started off with an apology still holding her chin.

"You mean so much to me, you out of everyone could make me want to change is a lot for me, I knew the second that I would do anything for you that I was falling for you" This time you held her face with both of your hands as your eyes started to gloss.

"I also never told you how stunning you look" You manged to chuckle out before letting tears slowly fall from your eyes.

She chuckled with you as she wiped your tear of your cheeks "Thank you"

"I'm also sorry for them acting like that" Natasha tucked a fallen hair behind your ear.

You shook your head "You don't need to be sorry because if you made you more at ease then I would even let them kidnap me everyday if it meant you would feel better"

A smile made its way on her lips this time "I think I'm falling for you too" She whispered it as she searched in your eyes for any emotions.

You smiled with a relief sigh "We can take this at any pace you want and if you ever doubt anything, talk to me I will even take a lie detector test for you Nat"

She giggled as she nodded, instead of replying she hugged into your chest with a smile across her lips, you let your arms snake around her and close your eyes at her warmth.

You pulled away slightly just enough to be inches away from each other lips, you looked into her eyes and with confirmation from both parts you kiss her, your eyes flattered shut as if to see if this wasn't a dream.

You pulled away and rested your forehead against hers as you looked into her eyes, completely being pulled deeply into this moment, not realising that practically everyone could see this, but as long as you had Natasha with you, you didn't care.

The next day, you made Natasha meet you at the company along with Ava, Natasha worried rushed to you as she spotted you. Her eyes were quick to narrow at Ava.

You looked over at Natasha and with a smile you walked over to her as you took her hand and walked back to where you were, this time Ava had her eyes narrowed at Natasha.

"What am I doing here Y/n/n?" The redhead spoke up as she looked over at you.

"This is my way of showing that you can trust me Natty" You looked back at her with a smile.

She was still confused, so you looked over at Ava as you held a letter out to her, she hesitantly took it and opened it as her eyes scanned the paper so quickly.

"You're moving me to another work place?!" She screamed as she looked back at you.

You nodded with a smile across your lips "Yes, I have heard from so many people that you have been complaining about getting here so I did you a favour and moved you closer to where you live"

You pulled Natasha into you but kept your eyes on Ava, who pointed at Natasha "This is your fault, if you weren't here I would still have my chance"

You rolled your eyes, the Russian was ready to knock her out but you held her by her waist pretty firmly as you spoke "Don't blame this on others, this is all on you, it might be hard to understand for you but I didn't want anything else from you, now go pack your stuff as your new place awaits you"

She scoffed as she stormed away, you waved her goodbye as you giggled along with Natasha, you looked over to the redhead at your side, she smiled at you and without words, she kissed you to which you accepted it with open arms.

You wanted everyone to know she was taken by you and you were taken by her. She made you happy and you would do anything to prove to her that she is the one who has your heart.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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Tag list: @eilarch, @wandanatblogs, @madamevirgo @diaryoflife, @theprassebox, @wymer, @marvelwomen-simp

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha x reader #natasha fluff #black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #reader #marvel #the avengers #natasha romanov

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songmingisthighs · 3 years

Text

[19.06] mafia!hongjoong × reader

⇀ you were interested in hongjoong, a notorious leader of a very successful mafia organization. sadly he didn't see you that way. if only he knew the true you before making a rash judgement

⇁ tw : mafia life, angst, mentions of black market activities, death, violence, dark stuff. read at your own risk.

⇁ disclaimer : the author does not support any and all criminal/illegal acts. the narrative written in this story is purely fiction out of the author’s imagination. the things written here does not portray real mafia life nor is the author aware of how the mafia life is like. the author is a hermit loser.

The door to Hongjoong's office opened and in walked his right hand, with a teasing smirk on his face. Hongjoong looked up from the paperwork on his desk and looked up to the man with a raised eyebrow, "what are you smirking at?" he questioned.

Seonghwa nodded his head towards the door, "there's someone here for you," he said whilst holding onto his laughter. Hongjoong shifted his gaze from his friend to the door and then back to him again, "who?" "your girlfriend," Seonghwa teased.

Before Hongjoong could throw anything at him, though, Seonghwa had run off, laughing heartily.

Not long after, you came into his office with a wide smile. As per usual, you were dressed to impress, head to toe with a black and white vintage channel mini skirt and blazer, adorned with a channel necklace and earrings. As you walked in, Wooyoung, one of Hongjoong's trusted men, looked at your passing figure with mouth hanging low and a starstruck look on his face. But you didn't care, you only had eyes for Hongjoong.

It has been roughly five months since you started dropping into Hongjoong's office. Your dad, an equally highly successful head of the mafia from where you're from, wanted you to get married to expand his business and make more allies. He gave you several options but you were immediately intrigued by Hongjoong, one of the mafia heads he made a partnership with by providing him with weapons. The comprehensive file your dad gave you did Hongjoong no justice so you decided to get to know him for real.

Unluckily, Hongjoong is very secretive and protective of himself and his family (re: his brothers; his most trusted men in the mafia). He had been betrayed so many times before and his thirst for revenge both became his strength and downfall. While he managed to build a highly acclaimed mafia organization at such a young age, he closed off everyone who he deemed not worthy of his attention even after only seeing them for less than five minutes.

Sadly, that included you. You weren't the only one who got a comprehensive file on the other, he too had one of you. A straight-A student from Wharton with hobbies consisting of horseback riding and charity? He wondered whether you were preparing to take over your dad's mafia or to steal the Crown of England and be its ruler.

Hongjoong tried his best to hold in a groan of annoyance but even so, some still escaped him and you heard it. Though you were used to it so you just ignored him.

"Hi, Joong," you grinned widely at him, walking in and putting a medium-sized box of cake on his desk after closing his door. "Don't call me Joong," he grumbled.

In all honesty, your bubblegum personality sickened him. He knows for a fact that no one is that happy-go-lucky and excited and has rainbows shooting out of their asses 24/7. So there has to be something you were hiding from him.

You only chuckled at his response, "You're a sourpuss, you know that? You're gonna have wrinkles before you hit thirty if you keep frowning all the time like that," you said as you focused yourself on opening the cake box.

Inside it was the cake you made for him. All the times you visited him, you never made him something from scratch. You were trained to be the head of a mafia organization one day, not in the kitchen. So that cake was the very first thing you made and you were beyond proud of yourself.

"Look," Hongjoong exhaled sharply, starting to get annoyed even before you did anything, "You came at a bad time, I need to get a hundred thousand things done before tonight, in case you didn't realize, my organization is-" "in the brink of war with Stray Kids, I know, I've read the reports," you simply said, hands moving to cut the cake in front of you to hand to him.

"I have connections with the leader's soft spot, the foreigner one, I can make a deal that would help your case if you would jus-"

"NO!!!!" he yelled out, slamming his hands onto his desk, startling you so much that you accidentally dropped your knife and stepped back a little.

Maybe it was the stress of having to deal with things alone, or maybe it's just him finally snapping from overthinking about you, but one thing's for sure is that he had had enough. He needed to put you in your place.

"You may be your daddy's little princess back home, all dressed in white and pink and lace, showered with Channels, Tiffanys and your hoity-toity prestigious Wharton degree. But here, you're nothing, got me? You understood nothing about having to work your ass off to get the recognition and rewards you deserve, you had your daddy behind you this whole time and that's very convenient for you. But don't come here and act like you know shit, okay? Our worlds are different, you came from a cotton candy palace, I came from the ditch, your opinion means less than shit to me," he spat out so quickly, he didn't realize that your expression changed to something that he had never seen before.

Your eyes were blank and glazed, lips slightly quivering and chest heaving.

Hongjoong thought that he had really put you in your place and he was about to celebrate the fact that he might finally drove you away when you opened your mouth.

"Cotton candy palace? Not understanding having to work my ass off?" you choked out.

At first, Hongjoong thought you were gonna cry. But a sadistic, maniacal laugh resonated in the room from where you were doubled over, holding onto your stomach.

It was Hongjoong's turn to be stunned into silence.

"Oh my god, I thought you were smarter than that," you muttered as you calmed down, wiping tears from the corner of your eyes, "you think that this is who I am?" you asked with a raised eyebrow at him.

Hongjoong was confused about whether or not he should speak. It was the first time anyone had ever stunned Hongjoong and Hongjoong didn't know what to do.

"I was born from a girl who was en route to be sold in a human trafficking ring, I came out premature and was about to be sold to a satanic cult as their sacrifice but my 'dad' 'rescued' me. I was stored in a facility with thirty other children, we were trained to be assassins since before we could walk, brainwashed with ideals that ruined our brains. One by one, each year some of us were taken out if we show a lack of improvement or no promise," as you talked, you took off your earrings and necklace and put them on Hongjoong's desk.

While you ran a hand through your messy hair, you stared into him deeply, "I was seven when I first killed someone, my last competition. She was two years older than me and she was sold by her parents for coke money, or as the warden told us. We were reminded every day of how worthless we are so we wouldn't rebel and escape. But even in despair, I wanted something more. That's where daddy came in. He was impressed with me and he took me in as his daughter, telling people one of his whores were pregnant with me to assure my legitimacy. I was schooled in my own private red room. I had to fight for my right as a human being, I made deals with my dad to be able to go out with bodyguard escorts for only an hour every month,"

Hongjoong's eyes followed your hands that gripped onto the edge of your skirt, "did your little binder wrote that I went on my first official mission when I was just twelve? My dad cut the ballet lesson that I trade in for 120 hours of combat training short to gear me up, put me in a room of adult men and sent me off to plant an active bomb in 5 minutes in an air vent of the headquarters of his rival, crazy, right?" you chuckled humorlessly whilst ripping your skirt off to reveal your black shorts inside, a knife and a gun holstered on your thighs were revealed, making Hongjoond's eyes widened.

He never would have imagined someone like you to carry weapons under your very girly outfit. Or to even have such a traumatizing backstory.

"My whole appearance is compensation for my very dark upbringing, I wanted to hide it all. My dad told me I was stupid, that I belonged in the dark, dark world. But when I went to Wharton, I tried to change myself. I thought that I might be able to be the person I wanna be by marrying someone my dad approved so I don't have to take over wholly, I could just be the voice by the side, lending my skills and help the organization indirectly,"

You looked down at your heels clad feet for a second, letting your toes point and moving them from left to right to see what it looks like.

At this point, Hongjoong felt bad for having blown up at you. You had only wanted to spend time with him and even if he didn't want to see you, he could've said it nicely. Hongjoong never felt like this before, it was very weird for him.

He was about to walk over to you when you suddenly took your heels off in a flash and threw them both at Hongjoong so hard that it embedded deep into the wall on either side of his face.

Your usual smile was replaced with a frown, the eyes that usually twinkled showed nothing but darkness. He barely recognized you and he was on edge about it.

"You made your standing with me perfectly clear, Kim Hongjoong, while my dad is one to stop things before they become an issue, I like to see how things unravel," you smirked at him.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, not being able to process anything.

"It means that your partnership with my dad is off, good luck finding a new weapons supplier," you spat out before turning around to leave the room, leaving traces of yourself behind at his office.

Hongjoong wanted to call after you, try to make things better somehow. But his head still couldn't even wrap around the shocking information you had just revealed.

Not long after you left, Yeosang came in but stopped at the door, scanning the room that was littered with remnants of you. "What the fuck happened here? Did a hooker tried to kill you!?" he asked, still confused at the situation.

When Yeosang looked up, he saw Hongjoong in a way he had never seen him before.

Nervous.

"I-I- I think I just forged a war between us and the largest mafia weapons manufacturer on the eastern hemisphere," he uttered out.

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ravysu · 3 years

Text

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Text

disconnected

— Kirishima answers a phone call that wasn’t intended for him, and of course he can’t help but be interested in the beautiful voice and soul that angrily began to rant about their day. —

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, lil angst (lol sorry), cursing

word count: 7,786

a/n: this was a stupid thought that slammed into my mind, and here it is!!!! now I have a calc midterm tomorrow that I did not look at because why think about double derivatives and integrals when I can think about kirishima????

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It was eleven at night when Kirishima strolled out of his bathroom, ready to go to bed. After a rather long day, he was looking forward to sleeping and not having to wake up at the crack of dawn. Tomorrow for the very first day in a very long time, he wouldn’t have to work at the local coffee shop he was hired at. It was a job he had acquired with his good friends on the promise of it being a manageable job on top of his college work, and of course, the pretty girls who would go in.

From what Kirishima had gathered from the four months working there was that there were a lot of pretty girls who entered the coffee shop — most of which were focused on the angry ash-blond friend of his — and that it was so unnecessarily stressful.

Some days he was up at four in the morning to open at six for the morning regulars, then he’d go to his afternoon classes, only to return for a two-hour shift in the middle of rush hour, and would leave while trying to keep the peace between a certain ash-blond and two new hires. To say the least, it was hell on Earth at times.

Regardless, he didn’t have to open tomorrow morning, so he was content! On top of not having classes tomorrow, Kirishima was excited to sleep in.

Falling on his bed with a massive sigh, Kirishima snuggled his face into his pillow, rejoicing in the way that the laundry detergent still clung to the fabric and relaxed.

Sleep sounded so—

RIIING.

Kirishima’s eyes slammed open, his head snapping to see his illuminating phone on his nightstand. He had no idea who the hell was calling this late. There was no way it was Bakugou; he was asleep already at this point. Sero had broken his phone two days ago during a failed stunt and wouldn’t be able to get a new phone until the weekend. Kaminari only called him when there was a bug in his apartment, but he was currently closing… maybe it was Mina? Kirishima shook his head, no, he hadn’t spoken to Mina in ages.

Grabbing the phone, he didn’t bother to look at the caller ID and answered.

“Hello—?”

“Oh my god, I am fucking raging! You can’t believe what kind of fuckery I just went through tonight!” a voice shouted into the receiver, and Kirishima flinched a bit at the loud and angry voice. “So you know how I wasn’t supposed to work today, right? Because my coworker had sex with her ex-boyfriend like an idiot, and I owed her for covering my shift three months ago, but anyways irrelevant. I’m taking the order of this one group of adults. That’s right, A-D-U-L-T-S, adults! They are completely staring at my tits the entire time, and not my face. At first, I thought maybe you know, I had spilled something on my tits earlier, no. No! NOTHING! So I call them out on it, and they say something along the lines of ‘you could be a camgirl with that body, but like not in a sex sort of way’ I’m sorry, WHAT?! Like yes, continue sexually harassing your server who is a college student and therefore has no will to live, so will gladly beat your Gucci belt wearing ass into a bloody pulp! What they gonna do? Sue me? I have one dollar to my name, fucking take it, I don’t care, I’ll find another dollar in the sewer after I beat their asses up!

“But you know, I’m saying all this in my head because I’m broke and can’t afford to be fired from this place because the tips are hella good here. But they continue saying dumb shit, and then the obvious ringleader — I know he was the ring leader because his beard looks like it was the first picture printed on a new ink cartridge and his manspread was ten times wider than all of theirs — have the fucking audacity to slip his number while only tipping TEN DOLLARS ON A TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR TAB!!!!” Kirishima doesn’t know what to say, his jaw on his mattress, breathing having stopped while your voice wheezes from your lack of air. He makes a croaking noise, wanting to speak up and apologize for what had happened and for not being the person you thought it was, but it seemed that you weren’t over. “AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING KAREN!!! ‘I didn’t like the way you looked at me so I won’t be tipping you tonight!’ yeah, well maybe if you didn’t order enough FOOD TO FEED AN ARMY AND KEPT SENDING IT BACK I WOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT YOU LIKE THAT!!!”

There was a pause, and Kirishima, while feeling entirely sorry for you, finally spoke, “Fuck, that sounds... horrible.”

“Damn right, it was horri— wait, who the fuck is this?” your voice squeaked, and Kirishima almost started to laugh at the difference in the tone your voice took. Once so loud, angry, and entirely ‘fuck the world,’ had changed into a meek and embarrassed voice.

“Um, this is Kirishima. Kirishima Eijiriou?”

“This isn’t Hagakure?” you moaned into the phone. “03-9082-2395? That isn’t this number?”

“2-2-9-5,” Kirishima repeated his own number back, a small smile overcame his features knowing that you had accidentally misdialed a number.

“Fuck my fat fingers,” you cursed, and Kirishima chuckled lightly at the mutterings that were poorly picked up. “Well, um, I am so sorry for calling you and dumping that unnecessary bullshit on you—”

“No, no,” Kirishima interrupted, rolling onto his back, staring up at the dimly lit ceiling. “It’s totally okay! You seem less stressed out now too, and it really isn’t a big deal!”

“You are very kind, Kirishima Eijirou,” you laugh, and Kirishima can’t help but imagine a figure curled up on a couch.

“Thank you!” he beamed, a hand threading through his hair, “um, but what happened with the Karen? And why were you typing in your friend’s phone number?”

“Do you really want to know?” you ask after a fit of bubbling laughter; it seemed that you were not at all convinced.

“I work at a coffee shop for one, so I totally understand the Karen situations! Secondly, all my contacts are on my phone, I don’t have a single one of them memorized!”

“Okay, okay, okay, I do not have this number memorized! Hagakure is my roommate, and she has a new number that she left posted on our fridge and because Mr. Sprinkles left in the middle of my rant, I called her to finish it!” you explain in what Kirishima could only consider being childlike glee. “And a coffee shop? Oof, Kirishima, you might have it just as bad as I do then.”

“Ever had a boiling cup of coffee thrown back at your face?”

“Shut. Up.”

“I wish I was joking!”

“The nastiest thing I’ve ever been put through is a highschool couple breaking up in the middle of the restaurant, and a bowl of cold soup and milkshake were thrown at me! And I had to work for another five hours!”

“That… that beat mine by a long shot…”

“Okay, but like, it was cold. If you hadn’t dodged, you’d be dead!”

As time passed Kirishima soon found himself sitting up on his bed, his back pressed against the headboard, a lamp on so that he wasn’t in the dark while he talked to you. Somehow conversation flowed so perfectly between the two of you, so smoothly, so naturally. You had extremely compelling energy and a pretty bright one at that as well. Your stories were exceedingly extravagant, most derailing into hundreds of side stories before making its way back to the main point, but he didn’t mind. Though there was no proof, he imagined that your arms were swinging around while you talked, a bright smile on your face, and lights shining in your eyes.

“So anyway, I had to beg my professor to let me remake this exam because, for some reason, my brain would not switch back to Japanese. I almost cried because I was only speaking in English, and I think because I am an amazing person, my professor let me do that!” you laughed after explaining an issue with being fluent in a third language.

“My English skills deteriorated after leaving high school, I’m rather jealous you can speak three languages,” Kirishima admitted, his head falling back onto the cold wall. “My Japanese professors probably think my Japanese sucks too.”

“Just because I am amazing and can speak three languages doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it,” you laugh, obviously trying to make him feel better about himself.

“Mm, I don’t know, you’re painting yourself as a pretty perfect person,” Kirishima sighed. “Or you have an enormous ego…”

A loud scoff came from your end of the phone, and Kirishima waited for your verbal retaliation but was met with a moment of silence.

“Oh! Welcome home!” you called out, and Kirishima quickly put together that your roommate Hagakure was home. “Yeah, no, I’m talking to someone right now! ...who? Oh, um, a friend! ...no, I tried to call you when I got home but misdialed your number and got him instead! NO! You’re not going to get a pic of him! Wait, it’s what time?!”

Kirishima’s eyes fell over to his alarm clock and saw in the dim red light that it was 04:57.

His jaw dropped.

“Well, um, Kirishima, it seems that our call is going to end,” you whisper into the phone, and Kirishima lets out a breathless chuckle, sudden sleepiness creeping into him. “It was pretty fun chatting with you stranger, thanks for putting up with that ranting in the beginning! Most normal people wouldn’t have picked up or let me rant like that!”

“It’s no problem,” Kirishima smiled softly, his fingers stretching out to turn off the light. He licked his lips, five hours on a phone call with an absolute stranger, and he didn’t have your name, and better yet, a part of him wanted to ask if it was okay to be friends. You were magnetic to him, and he wanted to know more about you, even if this was this weird modern and accidental penpal thing. “I didn’t have anything to do today, and you were fun talking to!”

“Aww, thank you!”

Silence.

Ask, he thought, his teeth biting down onto his bottom lip. Ask!

“Um, I know this is weird and all, but do you think I can keep your number?” you ask, your voice almost timid and meek.

Kirishima’s heart rate spikes at those words, he very much wanted that, but his mouth had a mind of its own it seemed. “Why?”

“Wha— well, I just had a lot of fun talking with you! It was fun, and I don’t know, you seem like a pretty chill guy!”

His fingers gripped his phone, a warmth spreading through him when he relaxed under his sheets. “On one condition.”

“Oof, if you’re going to ask to decide between Crimson Riot or All Might you’re going to be—”

“No, no,” Kirishima lets out a snort, his shoulders rolling while he imagines the curious look coming over your face. “I would like to know your name?”

“My name? Why would you want— HOLY SHIT! I never gave you—” there was a loud noise on your end of the call, and Kirishima heard you apologize profusely before returning in a hushed whisper. “Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t give you my name?!”

“No,” he laughed loudly, one that was pushed from his belly, spreading warmth through his body. “You never did, but I did learn every name of every person you’ve ever talked with!”

“God,” you groan, a small whine emitted from you. “I’m an idiot, I’m so sorry! Y/l/n y/n at your service!”

Y/l/n y/n, that’s a pretty name, he thought while imagining just what you could look like.

“Well, goodnight y/l/n, I’ll save your number, and we’ll see if you still would like to be friends when you wake up?”

There was a small noise of agreement, “I’m like a drug, Kirishima, you’ll be back for more.”

“Okay, okay, goodnight…”

“Goodnight, sweet dreams!”

“Sweet dreams.”

Kirishima listened to the line ending, and he pulled his phone away from his ear and no sooner did he do that, a text came in at what he believed to be your number:

don’t let the bed bugs bite! 🕷😱‼️

He snorted and replied back before eventually letting sleep consume him.

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“You’ll never believe what just happened!” you squealed into the phone, and Kirishima laughed while wiping his sweaty face with a white towel. You had called thirty minutes earlier than usual and had caught him leaving the gym.

It had been a bit over two months since your misdial, and things with you had been going pretty well for strangers. The two of you didn’t talk every day, most weeks going by with just a single call, but they were always delightful talks. You worked most nights, and he most mornings, the two of you discovered. So most calls took place the night he didn’t have to work the following morning.

“You got a customer who complained that there was too much salt in their meal that had no salt in it?” he asked, pulling a random story of something that had happened at his own coffee shop today. You let out an amused snort, a clear indicator that he was wrong, but found his guess to be amusing at the very least.

“No, but oddly enough, someone did ask for an insane amount of salt on their food and hated it!” you sang, clearly happy with how you found their distress to be funny.

“Close enough!” Kirishima laughed, but he was straight out of guesses, so he stopped. “So, what happened?”

“I tried coffee for the first time ever today!” you squealed loudly, and Kirishima cheered happily.

Through these two months, there were some hard facts that Kirishima had learned about you. One, you were living in the same city as him. Two, you worked at a semi-classy restaurant. Three, you had two roommates named Hagakure and Jirou. Four, you were twenty, just like him. And five, you were a child who only drank hot chocolate and tea because you were afraid of coffee.

“Caffeine is a drug you know,” you had snarkily teased him one night when he said he was going to make a cup of coffee. “Nice to know I’m friends with an addict!”

“If drugs were as amazing as coffee, I’d be an addict!”

“You know…” your voice whispered, your voice suddenly taking a guilty approach. “I’ve never actually tried coffee…”

“WHAT?!”

“Wow, look at you, becoming an old woman in front of my own eyes!” Kirishima chuckled, starting his walk back home.

His fingers pushed the headphones to be more secure over his ears, hopeful that there it wouldn’t pick up too heavily on the wind of the outside world.

“To be honest, it wasn’t that good, your taste buds are just tarnished from drinking that bitter crap all day!” you huff and he half imagined you turning your nose up.

“Okay, okay,” Kirishima laughed, a warmth flooding in his chest at the sounds of your muffled laughter. A visible indicator that you were also amused at this. “I hated coffee until I started working at a coffee shop, and that was because I needed to know my shit.”

“Wow, you only got that job while not being a coffee addict?” you tease. “Seems like a fake barista to me.”

“It’s pretty hard to believe, I know,” Kirishima stated his tone one of fake melancholy. “I’m so sorry for deceiving you, and honestly, I am a shit barista.”

“Aww, don’t say that!” you exclaim, and it seems like you’re ready to fight him. “I bet you put all those fancy TikTok baristas to shame!”

“TikTok?” he laughed, his pace speeding up just a bit so he would get home faster. “Wow, I am honored you think that!”

The light conversation continued, nothing too deep or too intense, just chatter about today's shifts and classes. Eventually, Kirishima made it back into his apartment complex, and stumbled into his room, collapsing onto his bed.

“Can I ask something?” you ask suddenly, and Kirishima lets out a small hum.

“Yeah, of course, what’s up?”

“What do you look like?” you asked softly as if you were curled up in bed, seconds from letting sleep consume you. “I haven’t come up with a mental image that I like, and well, I want some hints.”

“I can just send you a picture of me,” Kirishima smiles, his eyes closing. “It would be much easier than me trying to explain to you what I look like.”

“No!” you disagree, and there's a long sigh from your end of the phone. “I’m not ready for that kind of information yet, Kiri. I just… I can’t accept a pic of you without sending one back, and I’m not mentally ready for that yet…”

“Don’t tell me the big fat Gucci bougie you is shy?!” Kirishima exclaimed, humor drowning his words as he referenced you to something you had called yourself one drunken night weeks ago.

“Not shy!” you bemoan, your voice muffling out at the end of it. “I’m more scared you’ll find me ugly and ghost me…”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Kirishima interjected, his voice stable and confident.

“Which part?”

“Both parts.”

“How do you know that? You don’t know what I look like…”

“...call it… Kirishima’s intuition,” Kirishima slowly stated, his eyebrows furrowing. “I find your voice and your personality to be attractive on their own, so I would never ghost you. And of course, appearance isn’t anything; plus, there’s no way you’re not gorgeous.”

He says these words with honest truth, and a part of him fears he overstepped and made you wildly uncomfortable with the amount of silence that is heard from your end of the line. But finally, as Kirishima is ready to apologize to you, a soft exhale is heard.

“You’re a dork,” you whisper, and a soft grin spreads on his own face. “Anyways, I’ll ask questions, you answer them first, and then I’ll do the same.”

“Sounds good!”

“Hair color?”

“Black, but I dye it red.”

“Mm, edgy teenager, I like it, and also knew that because you complained about your stained sheets! Eye color?”

“Red.”

“Oh, am I sensing a theme? How tall are you?”

“I’m… a bit over six feet?”

The list went on, most questions becoming more of a joke than anything else, but he was glad that you were asking these things because now he had an insight on how you looked too. You had told him your eye color, your hair color, how tall you were, and a whole bunch of trivial things he would have never thought to ask about to begin with.

“Okay, last question!” you cheered, happy to have finally included Kirishima into your inside joke that revolved around your eyebrows. “Do you have any distinguishing features?”

“Well, I don’t actually...” Kirishima admitted, his fingers brushing against the scar on his eye, and then it hit him. That was one! “Oh, wait—” CRASH. A loud crashing noise emitted from your side of the call.

“Shit, hold on!” you curse and Kirishima can only remain silent while he hears you yelling in the background, it was too far away for him to quite understand, but it was enough to know that it didn’t sound okay.

Kirishima sat on his side of the call, the phone pressed to his ear while he tried to strip his gross and sweaty shirt from his body. His teeth bit into his lip, his canine pressing into the permanent indent of his lip, an indicator of how anxious he used to be.

“Fuck, Kiri?” your voice suddenly snapped back onto the call, your tone frantic and quick.

“Everything okay?”

“No, Hagakure showed up drunker than… a drunken drunk, I don’t know expressions, ANYWAYS I know tonight is our unofficial official call night, but anyway I can get a rain check?”

There was guilt that swallowed your voice, a pang of guilt that made Kirishima warm a bit because it showed that you valued these calls, just like him.

“Of course, I don’t have class or work Friday morning this time around, so Thursday night?”

“That works perfectly,” you sigh, gratitude. “I owe you, text you later if you don’t fall asleep! Goodnight, sweet dreams, love ya!”

Kirishima couldn’t repeat the whole statement before you hastily hung up, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face the entire time he showered. The shower didn’t take too long, and by the time he emerged from the shower, towel around his neck and his waist, he had a text message.

sero - hey bro!!! i can’t pick up my morning shift tomorrow i know you have tonight to speak w y/n but todoroki and bakugou can’t cover it!

Kirishima sighed, he definitely didn’t have anything tomorrow anyways, he could manage with going in for an extra shift to help a friend.

kirishima - yeah sure what time?

sero - youre a life saver T-T im covering 8 am - 3 pm!!!

Kirishima sent a simple affirmative emoji before finishing up his nightly routine.

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Kirishima looked at his apron while he was assembling himself in the backroom. The aroma of roasted coffee beans and pastries was almost pungent in the back, and he was eager to get out of there. As per employee regulations, he was to wear a black apron, a name tag, and something to hold his hair because it was a bit too long, for that, he wore a white bandana around his forehead.

“Wait, where’s my name tag?” Kirishima called out, his eyebrows furrowing when he turned out to Kaminari, who was currently in the back with him.

The blond froze and scratched the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly, “About that…”

So Kirishima was in the front of the store with a shiny silver name tag that read Hanta Sero. Because Kaminari was the best barista they had on hand currently, he was busy teaching Midoriya — their newest hire — around the bar. For now, Todoroki was nowhere to be found, and Kirishima was handling the cash register.

Today was a slow morning, most people had their day off today, so morning coffee rush wasn’t in existence. Sure, there were a few outliers, but it was never chaotic.

The gentle bell of the front door rang, and Kirishima automatically called out.

“Welcome!”

You had walked into the store, your eyebrows furrowed while you prayed that this was the coffee shop your roommates had been raving about. You’d never been here before, but it was the closest coffee shop available that wasn’t something generic and basic like Starbucks. You looked up from your phone at the voice, a thank you automatically being repeated while you neared the register.

You froze when you saw the red hair and the red eyes of the handsome man at the register. A careless thought entered your mind, Kirishima said he had red hair and red eyes… but he said he didn’t work today…

A kind smile sat on his face, his eyes taking you in, waiting for you to approach him.

This couldn’t be him, right?

The last time you had assumed a redhead working in a coffee shop was Kirishima, it had ended embarrassingly.

“Um, hi,” you drawled out, your eyes reading the board to figure out your own order.

Kirishima couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, you were exactly what you had described to him, but he wouldn’t ask until he was sure. He would ask you for your name after collecting your order for either tea or hot chocolate, and if it was you, he’d reveal that he was Kirishima. But he didn’t want to be wrong; he didn’t want to pin any other person as you, after all.

“I’ve never been here before,” you confess, your hand rubbing the back of your head. You were transfixed on the caramel macchiato that was spelled in the prettiest font, though, plus Hagakure promised all their coffee was good.

“Oh, well, welcome! If you need any recommendations or have anything else to order, I can put those through while you look?”

His smile was kind, and you felt blood rush to your face, something you desperately tried to fight off by thinking of anything you didn’t like.

“Oh! I do have two orders, though! There’s going to be one chai tea latte with three pumps of vanilla, and a lavender tea with a splash of oat milk.”

Kirishima nodded his head, “Will this be for here, or to go?”

His voice sounds so similar to Kirishima, you hoped, studying his face. While you answered that it was to go, you saw a distinctive scar on his right eye. Kirishima had said he didn’t have any distinguishing features…

“What are your favorites here?” you ask, your eyebrows scrunched in confusion, your thoughts very evident in your face.

Kirishima couldn’t help but find hope bubbling up in his chest, there was always the possibility that you two lived in the same city-based off the same area code, and with what seemed like an incomplete knowledge in coffee, maybe…

Kirishima rambled off about the different seasonal drinks right now, his recommendations leaning towards the teas and non-coffee things primarily after his general and basic list. You seemed to take every word out of his lip like gospel, agreeing and nodding when appropriate, and his lips stretched into a grin when you bluntly exclaimed your ill knowledge of this all.

“To be honest, I only step into coffee shops to take a cute pic and then leave,” you laugh, pressing your hands against your lips and screaming a bit in your throat.

Kirishima laughed, more confidence blooming through his body over the hope that this was you. It had to be you.

Your eyes then found the nametag on his apron, and like a sinking ship, you read Sero.

Not Kirishima.

“And for you?”

“I’ll have the caramel macchiato,” you decide, a grateful smile on your face while he looks down and writes the orders.

“A name?”

“Penny,” came your automatic response.

You never used your real name in coffee shops.

Kirishima suppressed the way that his mouth wanted to drop into a sad smile, and like two rejected teenagers, the money was exchanged. Before Kirishima could attempt to calm his disappointed soul, you walked out of the shop with the coffees and tea in hand.

“What was that about?” Kaminari asked, his eyes wide. “There was so much flirting and then poof, gone from both sides. Come on, dude, it’s my job to fail at flirting, not yours!”

Kirishima laughed, ignoring the way that his three friends looked at him with concern and curiosity. “Nothing, I just… the customer looked like how y/n described herself to be…”

“Oh… sorry, bro.”

“Nah, it’s all good,” Kirishima waved it off, and without so much as another slap on the back, he went back to work.

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“What the hell are you doing?”

Kirishima looked up from his phone, his fingers mid-type pausing only for a millisecond before continuing to text blindly.

“Oh, hey, Bakubro, what’s up?” he cheerfully spoke, ignorant to the controller in the ash blond’s hand.

“It’s your turn, shitty hair, pay fucking attention!” Bakugou barked, tossing the plastic controller into his chest. Kirishima grunted, the feeling of the plastic slamming against his chest was less than ideal, but the smile on his face didn’t waiver while he offered his best friend the controller back.

“It’s all good, you can have another turn, I can handle being out this round!”

“Kiri, that’s six rounds in a row,” Kaminari spoke up, his face in a teasing smirk.

It was then that Kirishima’s face turned approximately the same color as his hair. “I didn’t—”

“Awww, Eijirou has a little crush on y/n!!!” Kaminari sang, resulting in agreeing with noises from Sero and Midoriya. Only Bakugou and Todoroki remained silent.

Kirishima only laughed, he knew he couldn’t deny that fact, but he wouldn’t say it aloud — especially because Bakugou seemed to hate you. It had been now four months since the two of you had ‘meet,’ and while he still had no face to imagine you with, things had taken a slightly flirty route between the two of you.

Calls were much more frequent, nearly all nights the two of you would speak, even if it was just a measly summary of the day and a ‘sweet dreams’ and a ‘goodnight’ and an ‘I love you.’ It always happened nowadays.

Tonight was an exception, of course, because he was out with his friends, and apparently, you were doing the same.

“You can’t be fucking serious?” Bakugou spat, a laugh spluttering from his lips, but it was cold and held no humor. “You caught feelings for a person who’s too much of a fucking coward to reveal a picture of themselves?”

“That’s not fair; besides, it's not about physical appearance!” Kirishima waved him off, pressing send to his text message.

have fun tonight! text me when u get back home if ur able to!

“Just how naive can you be?” Bakugou sneered, his hand taking the phone from Kirishima's side. “Six months of talking every week, texting every day, and this y/n still hasn’t trusted you with a single picture of them? I know you said that she told you how she looked, and all that shit, but let's be real, it’s so easy to lie about how you look like when you don’t have to provide a picture. What y/n say? Big tits? Big ass? Small waist? What about her did she say that made you so fucking insane over her?”

“N-Nothing! We didn’t talk about our body types!” Kirishima’s eyes widened significantly, the once comfortable atmosphere of the room wholly gone while Bakugou’s vermillion eyes seethed silently. “None of that matters! I told you the truth! I like y/n because of her personality, she’s manly, and I like that a lot! It’s not about her appearance, how pessimistic can you get, bro! I promise you, she’s trustworthy!”

“Is she really?”

“What?”

“How can you be in love with someone who you trust entirely, but doesn’t trust you at all? You said that y/n won’t show you a picture of herself because she’s scared you won’t like her? How is that trusting you? How is that fucking fair? To me, that sounds like some fucked up catfishing thing.”

“We talk on the phone, dude,” Kirishima said softly, but those thoughts were invading his mind. Did you not trust him? He knew he wasn’t the best option in the world, and he had accepted that in time and by improving on what he thought he was best at. But did you, after all this time, really not believe him when he claimed nothing would change when he saw you? “Catfishes don’t even do that… besides, the first call was by accident, why would someone—”

“Dunce face, what’s that one fucking idiotic thing you do for fun?” Bakugou snapped at the blond, not even bothering to look at him.

“Well, there’s a lot of things I do that you—” Kaminari laughed awkwardly, his smile tight and awkward.

“Kaminari.”

“I call… random numbers… pretending to have a big issue to see how they react…” he admitted, and Kirishima’s stomach clenched.

“And?” Bakugou snarled.

“I pretend to be a girl…”

“Don’t be stupid, Bakugou, this is more than one time!” Kirishima groaned.

“It's a voice that you can’t attach a face to, who knows if this is a person you can trust! People with voice acting exist in this world, how the hell do you possibly know that they’re not one of them?! Be fucking real, if ‘y/n’ trusted you, if that’s even their name, they wouldn’t be hiding their face from you.”

Kirishima didn’t say anything else, the acid piling in his throat was too much for him to even look at his friend. The night didn’t really recover from that conversation, and Kirishima eventually found himself back home.

He sat at the edge of his bed, his phone in his hands, waiting for a message from you. He couldn’t sleep, and even though he had work tomorrow morning, he found himself wide awake, unable to let sleep consume.

It was three in the morning when you sent a text, his eyes still wide awake, and with shaky fingers, he read the message.

i just got home can you believe that i drank three cups of wine and didnt get tipsy??????? thats on being a raging alcoholic ;D

Kirishima wanted to laugh; on god, he would’ve found this beyond delightful to read because he knew you couldn’t handle your liquor, but that bitter stream of acid destroyed the humor in his thoughts.

Were you really telling the truth? Was this all a lie?

He didn’t text back; instead, his finger pressed the call button, and he held his breath.

“Helloooo?” a voice picked up on the second ring, but it wasn’t your voice. It was a voice he didn’t recognize at all.

‘Voice actors,’ Bakugou’s voice reentered his thoughts, and the phone in his hand nearly dropped.

“Sorry, hello?” the voice he knew as you finally came through, and Kirishima let out a shallow breath, one so small, so mediocrely weak it burned his lungs.

“Do you trust me?” he asked softly, maybe too softly because you asked with a strained laugh for him to repeat his words. “Do you trust me, y/n?”

There was a pause on your end, too long a beat for Kirishima to be comfortable with.

“Of course I trust you, Ei, are you okay?”

“Do you actually trust me, or are you lying?”

“Woah there,” you said a small laugh on your tongue, but there was only confusion in it, not your contagious sound. “Did you drink? It’s a work night, you never do that!”

“Answer the question,” Kirishima spoke with finality, his shoulders tense, tears pushing past his eyes while he struggled to maintain composure.

Prove Bakugou wrong, please, prove Bakugou wrong.

“Of course I do,” you spoke with genuine clarity, but still, Kirishima was rattled, his confidence blown. “What’s going on?”

Did he want to confess to his insecurities? Was it worth it? His breathing became frantic, almost as if he was going insane just thinking about where his thoughts were. But Kirishima was never good at hiding things, no he was as open as a book.

“Why won’t you let me see you… we’ve been friends for six months, and the only thing I know about you is your eye color and your hair color. It’s so insanely generic that I can’t… I can’t do this.”

“What are you trying to say?” you ask, your voice small, almost a whisper of all the energy one could have at this time of night.

“I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t trust me, who’s using me,” he spoke with perfect clarity that hid away his insecurities about this all. “For all, I know nothing about you is real, that this is all just some ploy to hurt me in the end. Six months and you can’t trust me with a single meet up or even a picture? I just… has this been a game for you, y/n? Or is that even your name.”

The call ended and a single message held on his screen, this call has been dropped, but you didn’t seem to want to call him back.

Kirishima didn’t sleep a wink that night, his words coming back to bite him in the throat each and every time he thought he was close enough to sleep. Insecurities riled up in him, consuming him entirely.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

He tried to call back.

For fourteen straight days, Kirishima attempted to call you back.

Every time he called you, he would always hang up before he could take back his words. But each call, after he had prematurely hung up, he would recant his mean words to the unresponsive phone. He did trust you, he was weak, he was unmanly to assume those things. You could take, however long it took to finally trust him again because he would wait for you no matter what. He apologized again and again until the very last one he broke down into silent tears, a single message of ‘I hope one day you’ll forgive me’ hung weakly on his voice and put his phone away.

It was sixteen days since he had spoken those cruel words to you, and in that time, he didn’t regret finally talking about his ill feelings towards wanting to reveal yourself to him. But he did regret the way it came out; instead of it being a deep and personal conversation, it came out as bitter and one-sided. The two of you were disconnected, and he felt empty.

But he couldn’t focus on it, not today, after all, it was Bakugou’s birthday, and everyone was gathering at the local fancy restaurant to celebrate.

Kirishima dressed up presentable, wearing a navy blue button-up, and dark slacks. He walked towards the entrance of the restaurant where Kaminari, Sero, and Midoriya were eagerly leading the group of them into the building. Typically Kirishima would’ve been with them in terms of spirit, but he felt energyless at the moment.

With the moon high in the sky, Kirishima stilled when Bakugou called out his name.

He stared at his best friend, the ash blond’s lip curled into a sneer while he huffed, “Listen, Kirishima, I’m sorry for what I said that night.”

“What? Oh, no, it’s okay, Bakugou!” Kirishima laughed, his hand slapping to the back of his neck. “You weren’t wrong.”

“I never said I was wrong,” Bakugou grunted, his eyes locked on Kirishima’s while he shoved his hands into his pockets. Kirishima stilled, unsure as to where this would be leading. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I know that Mina hurt you badly, and you’re too big of an idiot to not see when things arise. Maybe y/n is genuine, but if you aren’t fucking honest with her about your own feelings about how she’s so secretive, it’s not going to work.”

Kirishima smiled softly, a weak shrug moving through him, “I know, thanks, man.”

Bakugou nodded, and without a word, he continued on ahead where Midoriya was yelling at them to hurry up and come so they could be seated.

Kirishima sighed, rolling out his shoulders before following afterward.

Kirishima followed after the hostess, smiling at her gratefully when she sat the group into their own private room and left.

“Bakugou’s paying, right?” Kaminari stage whispered to Midoriya while staring at the prices on the menu.

“Eat shit, dunce face, learn how to save up your fucking money the next time you offer to come to this fucking place!” Bakugou roared, hearing the whisper.

“I’ll be covering the bill,” Todoroki informed with a smirk on his face. Kirishima laughed, looking at the prices and indeed agreeing with Kaminari’s statement. Having a wealthy friend was very convenient at times like this.

“Hi, welcome to Eiko, I’ll be your waitress today!” a voice chirped from the entrance of the room, and Kirishima froze, he recognized that voice and face.

It was the person he had mistaken for you all those months ago.

By the smile on your face, it seemed that you recognized them all too.

“And what is your name,” Sero winked, his eyes captivated by you.

“Oh, haha, sorry, my name is y/n,” you smiled, moving the menus you held in your hand to show the silver nametag on your uniform.

“Oh, like Kirishima’s y/n,” Kaminari laughed, pointing a finger at Kirishima, not at all being as quiet as he probably thought himself to be. But it seemed that he wasn’t the only one who thought that because while Kirishima was staring at your face, embarrassingly taking you in, you followed Kaminari’s finger.

Your sight sat on the redhead in the middle whose name was Kirishima, and you straightened up in what felt like panic.

“You’re Kirishima?” you asked quietly, your finger grasping the menus so tightly, your knuckles turned white. “Kirishima Eijirou.”

“The one and only,” Kaminari voiced for him, his arm thrown over Kirishima’s shoulder while he nodded like a scholar. “And why do you ask?”

“Shut the fuck up, dunce face.” Bakugou hissed.

Kirishima continued to stare at you, a million words running through his head, yet not a single one being translated on his tongue. You were beautiful.

What should he say?

What could he say?

Your lips pursed, and you shook your head, a smile of disbelief spreading across your face, “Unbelievable.”

“Y/n—”

“Be quiet,” you snap, your tone angry, but your eyes beyond hurt. “What can I get you guys to drink?”

Dinner wasn’t exactly a pleasant time, you came in and left faster than anyone could blink, and yet none of their drinks went empty, nor did they really have a problem. Much quicker than Kirishima would’ve liked, they were done and were soon piling out of the restaurant after Kirishima decided to leave a very, very generous tip.

“I’m going to stay until I can speak to y/n,” Kirishima said, waving off his friends who were expecting him to follow. But he couldn’t, not when he felt like the world's biggest ass for what he did to you.

“Good luck,” they all wished him well before eventually leaving, knowing better than to stick around.

So there at the outside bench, Kirishima waited.

Two hours he sat there until you emerged from the front door, your hair was no longer put back, you held your apron in your hand, and your purse on your shoulder.

“Y/n!” he called out, his feet no longer cemented into place; he strode after you.

You didn’t seem to pick up the pace, nor did you slow down. You were focused on your car that sat at the edge of the parking lot, and you ignored his calls.

It wasn’t until his hand touched your shoulder, and he appeared before you did Kirishima freeze again. Angry hot tears slid down your face, your face screwed up, your shoulders stiff.

“What do you want, Kirishima?” you spat, but there was only exhaustion in your voice, nothing bitter, nothing at all what Kirishima deserved from you.

“I want to apologize,” Kirishima whispered, his hands struggling to reach out and wipe your tears away. You were crying because of him, he did this to you. “I was a dick, I was… beyond unmanly to you, and I’m so sorry! I just let Bakugou get into my head, and I’ve never been a secure person because, well, I’m just… fuck, I don’t even know, but all I know is that you didn’t deserve this. And I like you so much, but I didn’t — I don’t know what to do?!”

Your eyes stared up at him, they were bright with tears, wounded beyond anything Kirishima could hope to fix.

“That night, you said if I didn’t trust you, but I did trust you! I’ve always trusted you—” your finger jabbed his chest— “but it was you who didn’t trust me! I get that it’s hard to not have a picture of someone you care about after a long length of time, but we were always fine for a while! It was going to happen, but while I trusted you, I didn’t trust myself, okay?! I couldn’t trust myself to see that if you were so much more handsome than me that I couldn’t be confident enough to let myself be friends with you! I constantly fuck up relationships when I have crushes on people because… I don’t know, I just do! But you were someone with no risk and the highest risk, and I wanted to be sure in my own feelings before giving you a picture of me! But… fuck, Kirishima, you didn’t trust me!”

Kirishima’s throat tightened, the tears on your face a guilty reminder that this was because of him. But how could he fix this?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his hands grabbing onto your arms just above the elbow, and his head hung by your forehead, not quite touching you, but just enough that his spiked hair teased the atoms between you. You were taller than he expected, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t deal with, no, not at all. “You’re right, I didn’t trust you, and you didn’t deserve that. I don’t think there’s anything that I can say, or do for that matter, to change your mind, and I’m sorry. I just panicked because who gets into this type of situation, how do I tell my phone friend that I have feelings for her? I was weak, and I am so fucking pathetic, and I just want to make things better. If you’ll let me be your friend again…”

He slowly looked back up at you, and you were frozen in your place, tears falling down your face still.

“I don’t think we can be friends,” you confessed, and Kirishima’s heart broke in two, his hands dropping from your arms in his embarrassment and humiliation.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry still, um… maybe I’ll see you again?” Kirishima smiled despite it all, he kept smiling despite the crack in his chest and his soul.

“You will,” you murmured, and before Kirishima could blink, your fists wrapped in his collar, and you brought him down for an ardent kiss that he was not quick to respond to. It took three seconds for him to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you in, kissing you again and again and again.

It didn’t seem to matter to either one of you that you were both now kissing without a care in the world in the middle of a parking lot, because you both had your emotions exposed to the other, and you didn’t want to be friends. At least not when the man who held your heart confessed that you held his in yours.

The two of you weren’t truly disconnected, it was just a little lost moment in your call.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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cheeriecherry · 4 years

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How would Tamaki, Kirishima, and Mirio deal with having a crush they've been pining over for literal months that's always pushing them away? It's not because she doesn't LIKE them, necessarily. But it's a grand combination of shyness, insecurity, never dating/fallen in love before, and being called ugly/being asked out as a joke. That's all their attempts at establishing a romantic relationship are to her: one big, mean joke. She gets a little mean with them sometimes, but that's just the hurt.

I felt that in the heart oof I hope anyone out there’s who’s experienced this kind of bullying from other people is able to one day overcome it and find peace and love in yourself, and genuine kindness and care in others! Until then, I will send all my love to you guys.

Requests are temporarily closed so I can catch up on the ones I’ve received!

AMAJIKI TAMAKI

-What first draws him to you is the surprising lack of anxiety he feels when you’re around. Like, usually people, especially strangers, would raise his stress levels significantly. But with you, he feels like he can think, and speak.

-Ofc he’s still shy on top of that, so he doesn’t usually say much...but baby steps. He finds himself falling into a friendship with you pretty quickly, and you’re attentive to his needs and struggles, which he appreciates.

-But then he realizes his heart is starting to speed up when you’re around, and at first he’s like ‘oh no is it the anxiety’ so he tells Mirio about it and Mirio is like ‘aw you have a crush, I think that’s the first one you’ve ever told me about’ and Tamaki is like, dying on the inside because what the heck is he supposed to do with a crush?! It’s not like he can tell you, he’ll probably faint.

-So the months go on and his feelings for you only get stronger. He learns to deal with it, but then...the worst thing happens.

-The day he finally psyched himself up enough to tell you about his feelings, he hears whisperings in the hallway about you getting a love letter on your desk that morning. And his heart just...implodes, and he feels kind of sick to his stomach.

-The whole day is thrown off, and he spends most of the time trying to talk himself out of his sadness, like ‘maybe it wasn’t meant to be, then’ and some more negative things like ‘as if she would actually return my feelings’. it’s sad.

-He doesn’t see you most of the day, under the guise of being busy, but really he just doesn’t know how to deal with the thought of seeing you with someone else.

-He even waits until everyone leaves the school before heading out himself, just so he doesn’t risk running into you.

-But fate has other plans

-He’s just about to leave the campus when he hears muffled sobs coming from somewhere nearby. he may not be a people person, but he’s still a hero. If someone needs help with something, he’s not going to ignore them.

-he follows the cries to a small patch of trees not too far away, unassuming looking but dense enough to provide some good cover. A good place for hiding and crying, also.

-He’s lowkey heartbroken to find out that it’s you who’s crying, and looking so broken and downtrodden. He makes sure to call your name quietly before coming up to you and taking a seat, so he doesn’t startle you (or your reflexes).

-You turn away from him slightly, but don’t outright tell him to leave, not yet.

-He just sits by you for a few minutes, letting you cry. he tries to offer you a gentle hand on the shoulder, but you wince away from him like is touch burns you, so he tries not to get too close after that.

-Finally, he asks you what’s got you so upset. And you pull that stupid love letter out of your pocket and shove it at him.

-He a little confused at first because like, isn’t a love letter usually a nice thing?

-But then you explain to him that a group of boys had written it as a joke and given it to you, and waited at the ‘meeting spot’ with a camera to capture your reaction and make fun of you.

-Never in his life has he ever wanted to beat up his fellow students, but there’s a first for everything I guess. He’s shocked and appalled that someone could be so cruel, especially to you. You’re so kind, and smart, and caring, and strong, and you make him feel safe. He couldn’t imagine ever hurting you.

-He tells you all of that, knowing from his own experiences that you probably won’t believe it, and he leaves off the part where he’s totally head over heels for you. to tell you something like that right now would probably only end badly for both of you.

-He’ll do what he can in the following months to try and boost your confidence, and he’ll absolutely confront the jerks who had the audacity to make you cry. For the time being, he’ll be a friend to you, a good friend, until you’re both in a place where it’s better for him to admit his feelings.

-And when he does, it probably takes some coaxing and a lot of patience, but he’ll never get short tempered with you, or give up on you, because he loves you so much and see so much worth in you, even if you might not be able to see it yourself.

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

-He likes you the moment you start talking. He’s just such a friendly guy, it’s hard to not get along with him, even if you tried. He’s got his own personal issues, but he’s genuine in everything he does and everything he feels. An actual ray of sunshine.

-It doesn’t take long for you guys to become friends, a few conversations in class and soon enough he’s actively seeking you out. He really likes how you guys just seem to click together, and how you work so well as a team - in all aspects. He starts growing feelings for you pretty soon after you become friends, though his own insecurities keep him from saying anything.

-He struggles with self worth sometimes, especially when he thinks about the person he used to be, so a little piece of him will doubt that you could ever return his feelings. So he decides to stay friends with you for now, until he deems himself worthy of your affection. But he’s happy you’re in his life.

-He hadn’t planned on confessing to you, not for a long time, but shit happens. A couple months into the school year, you guys are walking to class from the dorms, when suddenly you stop, and try to tug him in a different direction.

-He wonders what you’re doing, but you just say that you’d rather take a different route to class, one that’s less busy.

-He doesn’t get it, though. There are only like four people ahead of you, and one small group of girls standing around.

-You roll your eyes and huff a little, telling him that it’s fine, he can walk whatever way he wants to walk, but you’re going a different way despite the fact that it’ll probably make you late.

-He debates chasing after you, but you seem to be pretty upset about something...and it might be something important. A couple minutes probably won’t be enough time to talk about it, so he’ll wait for you to collect your thoughts some and then he’ll ask about it later.

-He continues walking towards the school building, but pauses momentarily when he passes the group of girls, who start giggling as soon as he approaches. He’s like ‘???what’s so funny??’ because they’re tittering and looking at him and tittering some more. Like, does he have something on his face?

-It turns out to be something not so benign. One of the girls is like ‘It’s nothing, you just look better without that awful girl lurking at your side’

-And he’s like ‘what awful girl? The only girl who was with me was-’ and it clicks for him.

-The girls continue chattering amongst themselves, making snide comments about you, the way you look, your skills, your personality. If they have the audacity to say those things in front of him, then there’s no doubt they’ve said them in front of you too.

-Boi doesn’t get mad very often, but this is one of those rare instances.

-He absolutely lays into the group of girls, knocking them down a peg and calling them out for what they are; bullies. They know nothing about you, about your kindness, or your smile, or your sense of humour, or the way you care about others.

-He definitely tells them what kind of strength you really have, both as a hero and as a person, and how you’re a better friend and a better human than any one of them.

-He’ll leave them with an offhanded threat, telling them that if they ever say another word to or about you ever again, there will be hell to pay.

-He’s kind of surprised by himself, like. He knows he cares about you deeply, but he never knew he’d be so fiercely protective of you like that. And little does he know, you heard every word he said.

-You had turned back a couple seconds after you stormed away, worried out of your mind that your outburst would cost you a friendship, as if Kirishima is that easy to get rid of.

-You don’t try to run up to him before class, and instead you wait until lunch to pull him aside and thank him for sticking up for you. He’s kinda saddened that you didn’t just tell him that you were being bullied, but he also kind of gets it. It’s hard to let people in when others are hurting you. Hard to trust.

-But he makes you promise to tell him if anyone else says anything, because he wants to make sure that no one hurts you like that ever again. You’re iffy about it, because like, what if he gets tired of you, y’know? There’s always been a group of bullies in all your schools who’ve set their sights on you and used you as a verbal punching bag; horrible ‘pranks’ and humiliating ‘jokes’.

-But like I said, he gets it with the self worth thing, and he can’t imagine what kind of shambles your confidence is in after so many years of being treated like shit. He’ll let you know that he’s proud of you for pushing on, and that he’s always gonna do what he can to take care of you, because he loves you a lot, even if you don’t believe it.

-It kinda just slips out that he likes you as more than a friend, and once he realizes what he said he turns as red a his hair. You’re also pretty flustered, and you don’t really believe him, but he’s okay with that for now. He can’t expect you to just jump blindly into something that has in the past proven harmful.

-He’s gonna work to prove himself to you, however he can! And when you finally do end up letting him in, he’s going to do everything in his power to keep your trust and your love.

TOGATA MIRIO

-Probably the most persistent out of everyone. Once he sets his sights on you, he doesn’t let you go. Not in a creepy way, though. If you really express a disinterest in having him around, he’s obviously not going to push your boundaries, but he’ll always be kind to you and he’ll be there if you need him.

-That being said, he’s an easy person to have as a friend. He’s strong and smart and so, so kind. His sense of humour never fails to lift your spirits, and training with him is what helps you improve the most in your studies.

-He doesn’t really change his attitude very much when he realizes he’s falling in love with you. He keeps being kind, keeps treating you well, all of that.

-But when you realize you might be falling for him? You’re terrified. You’ve never been in love before, so you’re not sure if what you’re feeling even is love! You’ve heard descriptions of love before, but everything sounds different depending on who you ask.

-On top of that, would he even feel the same?

-You’re training one afternoon when it hits you, your realization, as well as all the negative thoughts that come with it.

-You start losing focus, and you take a couple hits, and Mirio is like ‘okay something just happened, are you okay?’ and you tell him that you’re fine, you’re just tired all of a sudden, and you need to take a quick walk to clear your head.

-Unlike Kirishima, Mirio follows you. His intuition tells him that something isn’t quite right, and that it’s really taking a toll on you. You never get distracted like that, especially not when you’re training with him.

-He loses sight of you for a couple minutes, but finds you again on a bench just outside the Yuuei Gardens. You’re just sitting there, staring at the pathway, looking lost in thought and horribly sad.

-He takes a seat beside you, facing you slightly, and very slowly places his hand on yours. You startle a little, and glance towards him while trying to blink away budding tears. Once you see that it’s him though, you look away and try to wipe your face.

-He outright asks what’s got you so upset all of a sudden, or if something happened earlier, or if he did something that upset you. And you’re like ‘of course not, you’re perfect’ which he’ll remember and talk to you more about later. For now he’s focused on you.

-He eventually gets the truth out of you, though he pushes a little more than might be considered necessary, so it comes out as an outburst. Your voice is raised and your tone is stressed, as you cry at him that you think you like him but you have no idea what love is supposed to feel like, and even if you do love him why the hell would he love you back? You’re upset because you’ve basically set yourself up for failure and heartbreak, and because of your stupid feelings.

-He gets really serious, enough that it’s a little concerning, and he very sternly tells you that anyone would be lucky to have your love and your heart, and whatever that means for you is up to you, because love feels different for everyone and it feels different depending on who it’s meant for.

-Plus, if anyone ever thought they wouldn’t have their feelings returned, it’s him. He thinks you’re such an amazing person, strong and quick witted, compassionate and warm, always willing to stand up for others.

-He doesn’t like that you think so little of yourself, but he supposes he understands. He doesn’t know what kinds of things you’ve gone through, but he knows it isn’t always easy to love yourself, and that it’s something you need to work at.

-He just hopes that one day you’ll be able to trust him, and trust yourself. However long it takes, he’ll wait for you. He’s not gonna try and persuade you to enter a relationship with him right then and there, but h’s definitely gonna do his best to woo you. Even if it takes years, he’s going to work for your trust and stand by you while you work on yourself

-He is the number one supportive best friend, and when the time comes, the number one most supportive boyfriend..

#amajiki tamaki x reader #suneater x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #red riot x reader #mirio x reader #togata mirio x reader #lemillion x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #Anonymous

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bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture · 3 years

Text

And so preparations for the final event begin! Let’s see if these being one on one matches helps me get through them a bit faster when I’m not having to transcribe quite so much action all at once.

[No. 32 - Smile, Prince of Nonsense Land!]

Another character profile to start out with! (I swear I’m gonna have to make a post compiling these once we’ve gotten all of them for class 1a… maybe run a comparison with the end of chapter profiles? Eh shrug.)

I swear, my instincts say that something that that tail should not be as flexible as it is because of its circumference. I know, I know, quirks, freaking magic, don’t think about it, but still. It’s a very straightforward quirk with a surprising amount of utility, and he makes full use of it. Good for him! Now, onto the chapter proper.

Kirishima is pretty hyped for a tournament, thinking about how they’ll be up in ‘that ring he sees on TV every year.’ Mina asks him if it was a tournament last year as well, but Sero’s the one to answer - the format’s always different, but most years involve some kind of head to head competition. (Apparently the year before theirs involved foam sword fighting, and now I’m incredibly disappointed we didn’t get to see that for this sports festival finale… would have been absolutely hilarious.)

Midnight holds up a box of lots, saying that match-ups will be decided by drawing lots. Once that’s done, they’ll move on to the festivities and then the tournament itself. It’s up to each of the sixteen finalists whether or not they participate in the fun, since she figures some of them would rather take a breather and save their strength.

She starts to call for the first place team to draw lots, but Ojiro raises his hand, calling for her attention. He then states that he’d like to drop out, much to the shock of the others. Someone (I think Kirishima?) asks him why, since this is his chance of being noticed by the pros. Ojiro stats that he has no memories of the cavalry battle or anything that happened in it up until the tail end. And it’s probably his quirk that did that.

Ohh, ominous. And Izuku’s really concerned for Ojiro here. Ojiro states that he knows this is a great opportunity, and he knows it seems stupid to throw it away, but this final turnament… everyone else made it with their own strength. But he’s standing here and he doesn’t even know how or why. He just can’t take it.

Hagakure says that he’s thinking about it too hard, and that he can just show what he’s made of in the tournament. Mina agrees, saying that by that logic, she shouldn’t really be here either. Ojiro starts crying, hiding his face in his hand as he shakes, explaining that he’s talking about his pride here. He doesn’t think it’s right. (He also has no idea why the girls are dressed like that. Really, the entire cheerleader gimmick seems a bit… awkward, here.)

Izuku has no idea what to say. But class B’s Nirengeki does - kind of. He admits that he can’t remember anything either, so he wants to withdraw as well. This is a contest of skill, so letting someone who didn’t do anything advance… doesn’t that defeat the whole point of the sports festival? Isn’t it against the rules?

Kirishima starts to tear up, calling the two manly. Up in the booth, Present Mic announces the strange turn of events, while Aizawa wonders what Midnight, as the coordinator, will decide. Midnight’s ruling?

She likes it. The two are allowed to withdraw. Aoyama puts a hand on Ojiro’s shoulder and promises to win it for him.

Midnight tells the kids that replacing the two will be members of team Kendo, who took fifth. Kendo replies that if it’s gonna be like that, then shouldn’t it be team Tetsu instead? Her team was immobilized pretty much the whole time, while team Tetsu were giving it their all to keep what they had until the very end. She then hastens to assure that they aren’t colluding or anything, it just feels right.

Tetsutetsu is in tears by the gesture. After a brief transition, it’s decided that Tetsutetsu and Shiozaki will join the finalists, bringing the number back up to sixteen. And with that, the match-ups can be drawn!

Izuku notes that if he wins his first match, his second’s gonna be against Shouto. Which I feel is very rude of him to just entirely discount the possibility of Sero winning the match. I mean, it’s an honest assessment, but STILL. Rude. Anyways, before his match with Shouto, he still has to face off against Shinsou, who has to be-

And speak of the devil, there’s the guy in question. He wants to know if he’s Midoriya Izuku, which startles Izuku. Izuku recognizes him from the declaration of war two weeks back. He goes to respond, only to be cut off by Ojiro’s tail over his mouth. Shinsou huffs and turns t head away, while Ojiro warns Izuku not to answer him.

We get a few other reactions from some of the other students: Shouto contemplates how his match with Izuku will be sooner than expected, and that he wants Izuku to bring his best before he takes him down. Katsuki wonders out loud who Uraraka is, which startles an eep out of her, possibly for using her actual name. Mei approaches Tenya, chucking as she starts to ask him something. And Present Mic announces that they’re setting aside the tournament for the time being, and getting on with the thrill-a-minute festivities.

There’s a few snapshots of what everyone is up to over the course of the side events: some of the non-finalists racing massive balls (probably rubber?) around the inside perimeter of the stadium, Ojiro talking to a stressed out Izuku, Tokoyami napping in a tree, Tenya drinking five (5) cans of orange juice, Katsuki doing… something, Shouto crouched down resting somewhere outside the stadium, and finally some students searching for items on the cards they were given. Oh, right, and the girls are doing cheerleader stuff, with Hagakure being the most enthusiastic, and Jirou and Momo as the least.

Honestly, with that jump, Hagakure is either buff as heck, or Ochako is lending her a hand.

While all this is happening, Izuku is narrating how some people preferred to psych themselves up, while others tried to relax. Everyone was dealing with it differently. And before they knew it, the time had come.

We come back into the narrative as Cementoss is just finishing up crafting the battle platform from scratch, which is honestly incredibly impressive. I guess his manipulation of cement includes being able to dry it out super fast. And really, with how it looks, he’s just showing off. Especially with those torches, like, those can’t have been made from cement. Were they just put there and the cement set around them? Did he use the cement to manipulate them into place? I have questions, sir.

As I said, showing off just a touch.

Present Mic thanks Cementoss before asking the crowds if they’re ready. He talks about how the students have been through hell to get here, but now it’s time for the one-on-one tournament! They’ll only have themselves to rely on. Even if someone isn’t a hero, that saying holds true! You know it! Spirit, technique, strength, wisdom, and knowledge! Use them all and show us your best!

...They’ll only have themselves to rely on, even applied to non-heroes? Uh, wow. Talk about the underlying 𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓾𝓮𝓼 showing up here. I honestly can’t help but think that Izuku’s issues with heading off alone in the current manga arc has less to do with emulating All Might, and more absorbing all these small asides and comments from all the staff of UA. Which is fucking 𝕪𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤.

Anyways, while Mic’s doing his thing, Izuku is trying to calm himself before his match, only for Toshinori to come up to talk to him. He notes how it took a while, but Izuku’s finally getting the hang of using One For All, and gives Izuku a wonky thumbs up. Izuku is surprised to see his mentor there, but also corrects him - he doesn’t really have a hang of it, he’s still uneasy. He brings up his microwave visualization thing, and how he’s been trying to recall when he launched it at the villain, but it still feels dangerous. As if he could fall apart if he loses focus for a second, and, well, it’s like Toshinori saw. Given the level his body is at, even when Izuku controls it, it only gives a small boost in power.

Toshinoir thinks on it for a bit, before reminding Izuku about that talk about giving it between zero and a hundred. As Izuku is now, heis body’s capable of about five percent. Izuku considers that, thinking that if it’s like that, then he’s just gotten lucky with everything. Toshinori gives him a few thwacks on the head and neck, telling Izuku that that’s because he’s always been trying his hardest, calling him a prince of nonsense. He also chides Izuku, saying he’ll never be a hero looking so mopey.

While Izuku recovers from the assault, Toshinori tells him to listen, before stating that especially when Izuku is feeling worried or scared, that’s when he needs to smile. Izuku’s come this far, so show some bravado, even if it’s fake. To punctuate this, Toshinori swells up into All Might, giving him another thumbs up. And I guess it kind of works as motivation, since Izuku seems less stressed?

Anywho, we finally get into the first match! Present Mic announces the two, with Izuku getting a comment about his making a weird face despite his good performance, and Shinsou getting a comment about not having done anything to stand out yet. The rules are simple - win by knocking out your opponent, immobilizing them, or getting them to say ‘I give up!’ Bring the pain! Recovery Girl’s on standby. And fight dirty if you must! ‘Ethics’ have no meaning here!

...this explains why Shinsou immediately went for such a low blow.

Anywho, Cementoss makes himself a seat to watch from, so as to be prepared to stop the match at any time. Present Mic clarifies that going for the kill is a big no-no and will disqualify you, because a true hero’s fists fly only when in pursuit of villains.

Shinsou starts talking, contemplating the ‘I give up’ option before asking Izuku if he gets it? That this battle’s going to test his strength of will. If you have any kind of vision for your future, there’s no sense in worrying about how you get there. Like that monkey, babbling about his stupid pride.

Wow is Izuku pissed. Present Mic announces the start of the match as Shinsou rhetorically asks what kind of dumbass throws away a chance like this. Izuku rushes forward furiously demanding to know what Shinsou just said - only to stop dead. Shinsou calls it his win, while in the stands, Ojiro is stressing out, tail flailing as he snaps at how he’d warned Izuku about this. Toshinori is waiting at the entrance to the stadium, confused.

Present Mic asks what’s wrong, the battle’s just started, show some spirit! Mere seconds into the match, Izuku is frozen in place?

And we end the chapter on that cliffhanger. What an introduction to Shinsou, and we have more to go in the next… one or two chapters, can’t recall.

Anywho, see y’all next time for spooky quirk shenanigans! Can’t believe our first ghost sighting is about to happen. Fricken love ghosts.

#chapter 32 #readthrough #sports festival arc #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #yagi toshinori #shinsou hitoshi #yamada hizashi #aizawa shouta #ojiro mashirao #shouda nirengeki #kayama nemuri #Kirishima Eijirou #Sero Hanta #kendo itsuka #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #cementoss #ofa ghosts my beloved

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paradoxolotl · 3 years

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Are there any quotes or moments from any of your fics that you've had to leave out of the final product? Like, deleted scenes. If so, do you feel like sharing?...(Particularly Inked Truths because I'm obsessed with it. I fell in love with BoM, read it multiple times. When I found out you were doing a prequel I was very excited and have not been disappointed since.) (I also love TftR but it makes sad.)...Absolutely no pressure. If you don't want to answer please just ignore this, I'll understand.

Truths for the Roof didn’t lose anything but Inked lost a bit. Really, it was just redone to flow better and fit the characterization better, or moved somewhere later on in the series. I’m more likely to add then take away. It’s pretty rare I scrap something completely, and usually find somewhere else to put it, even if it’s a different fic. But originally BOM was very different. Andrew was medicated and Aaron knew Neil Josten from class.

Here’s a scene that was reworked in Ink Blotted Memories ~

Aaron did his best to avoid Andrew after that. He made himself busy at work, hauling dishes back and forth and hanging out with the bouncers on his breaks. When they were home Andrew was usually shut up in his room or outside smoking which made avoiding him all the easier, giving Aaron space to dick around on the TV or be in his room. Nicky still tried to involve both of them in stupid bonding activities like family dinners and movie nights. When they did happen, it was tense and uncomfortable, mostly filled with Nicky’s inane chatter. Aaron purposely did not look at his brother on these nights. He was torn between wanting Andrew’s acknowledgment and wishing he had never found out about him.

He marked his days with video games and his nights with alcohol and cracker dust, counting the days until he could once again use school as a distraction.

And the entire original Brother of Mine, which I rewrote most of when I got partway through ~

Aaron could still remember lying in his bed in his mother’s house, body bruised and hurting, wishing to have someone who could help him. Someone to make things better. To stand with him and hold him up when he was so close to crumbling. Learning about a long-lost twin felt like something out of a movie. An answered prayer. Finally, Aaron would have someone, a brother, who he could talk to. He imagined late night talks and secrets shared between them. They would have a bond so strong that nothing could come between them.

Andrew’s response of ‘fuck off’ had felt like a back-hand across his face.

Still, he held out hope. He was told to try again in the Spring, and that was what he planned on doing. Even when Andrew was sent to juvie, Aaron held onto his hope of a brother who would care about him. They were twins after all, how hard could it be?

The first time he had met Andrew face to face, Uncle Luther beside him and a metal table separating them, Aaron’s idea of what their relationship would be went up in smoke. His face was looking back at him, but there was no expression, no emotion at all. A blankness that revealed nothing of what he was thinking. It was hard to make eye contact with Andrew, his eyes sharp enough to be cut on. Andrew didn’t speak to Aaron at all that first visit; he just stared at him with a flat glare the entire time.

And yet he still came to South Carolina to live with Aaron. Aaron desperately wanted for Andrew to open up to him when they lived together. He thought he had to, now that they shared a room. He also hoped that home would get better, now that Andrew was home. Maybe mom would get better, would stop being so stressed. So angry.

It only took one incident for Aaron to believe Andrew was untouchable. They were in the backyard so Andrew could smoke, both sipping from a bottle of vodka Andrew had acquired. He had only moved in a week ago, and so far, things had been quiet. Aaron had no new bruises, but Andrew’s blank stare made him warry. The slam of the front door had made Aaron flinch, Andrew’s cold eyes tracking the movement. Aaron could hear their mother calling for him, her words tight with anger. Remembering the pills he had swiped earlier in the day, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and went inside.

He remembers her screaming. He remembers the pain of a hand across his cheek. Then there was Andrew, her wrist gripped in his hand, twisted far enough to make her bend at an awkward angle. It was then that Aaron saw the first expression on his twin’s face, and it terrified him. His lips had curled back in a snarl, his eyes bright with an anger Aaron had never seen before.

It was that night that Andrew had offered Aaron a deal. They would stick together, just the two of them, and Andrew would protect him. Aaron believed this was the answer to what he had been asking for. Finally, he wouldn’t be alone. He made his promise to Andrew.

Months passed, and Aaron was still collecting bruises. It was almost worse now, to have a witness to his suffering. Someone who had promised him protection but couldn’t stop everything.

Then, the accident where Aaron was left with only Andrew. Just the two of them.

The funeral where Andrew’s arm was in a sling, a cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a strange gleam in his eye as the dirt was poured on their mother’s grave.

Nicky coming back from Germany, taking them in.

Moving into a new house and Andrew installing a lock on his door.

The agony of being locked in that bathroom, withdrawal clawing his body to shreds.

The slow isolation at school, Andrew refusing to let anyone close.

Nicky’s assault and the mandated therapy.

That awful laughter and empty smile.

And Aaron had to wonder if instead of his prayers being answered, he had been cursed.

~~~

Things began changing the spring of their freshman year of college.

When they first joined the Foxes, there was a clear divide between Aaron’s family and the others immediately. Any interactions ended in spitting insults at best and violence more than not. The others feared Andrew and his knives, circling their group like alley cats. Not that the three of them were much better. Nicky constantly antagonized the others, and the twins’ general lack of effort to get along definitely rubbed a few people the wrong way. The Columbia trips solidified their isolation from the others. Honestly, Aaron couldn’t care less about getting along with his teammates. He would leave them alone as long as they did the same. He was here for a degree, not friends.

Now, they had officially been knocked out of the championships. Not that Aaron could bring himself to care, but games days usually also meant Columbia, and Aaron desperately wanted to get off campus. Between the upperclassmen, Day’s bitching over the season and Nicky’s whining, Aaron was looking forward to drinks, crackers, and music loud enough to lose yourself in.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t go without Andrew. His twin was currently perched on his desk by the window, smoking and staring out at the campus, fingers rapidly tapping. Normally they would already be packed up and gone by now, but they hadn’t gone once in over a month. At first Aaron thought it was because of exy, but then Andrew would disappear from the dorms for hours at a time, much to Day’s frustration. The only reason Aaron even noticed this as odd was because his brother rarely left Day alone. He never told them why they stopped going, or where he disappeared to, and any complaints fell on deaf ears.

“Come on Andrew!” Nicky whined, “We never go to Columbia anymore!”

Andrew’s laughter made Aaron’s jaw tick. “Oh, poor Nicky, don’t you know that no means no?”

“But why not?” Nicky was still going.

Aaron didn’t know why Nicky thought he could reason with Andrew. Unless you were Renee the best result from interacting with him would be victim to a cutting insult or dismissal. Worst case you’d need stitches.

His phone buzzing in his hand distracted him from the conversation happening. Looking at the screen, he felt a wave of relief wash over him, soothing the tension in his shoulders.

Katelyn

You played great today! It’s too bad the season is over

Katelyn was an instant balm to Aaron’s anger. It was still new, this thing between them. They had met in their intro biology class and had spent many late hours at the library studying. She had been the first person at Palmetto who had bothered to get to know Aaron for him, not just as ‘Andrew’s twin’. At first, he was a sullen asshole, but her endless patience and positivity snuck past his defenses and made a place for her in Aaron’s very bones. The only issue was they had to sneak around; Aaron couldn’t risk Andrew finding out about her.

Glancing up to make sure Andrew was still distracted with Nicky, Aaron settled further into his beanbag.

Aaron

Whatever it’s just stickball

Katelyn

Still, I’ll miss watching you ;)

Aaron had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the smile off his face.

Katelyn

How’s Columbia?

Aaron

Wouldn’t know we’re still in the Tower

Katelyn

Think you could sneak out for a bit?

We’re in that bar with the turtle

Nicky’s yelp brought Aaron’s attention back to the room in front of him. Andrew was still on the desk, but Aaron caught the glint of metal as a knife was put back in one of his armbands. His eyes followed Nicky as he retreated to the bedroom, face split in his usual grin. When the door closed behind Nicky, Andrew’s eyes snapped to Aaron, pinning him to his spot. Aaron glared back, daring Andrew to say something to him. To say anything.

Instead, Andrew flicked his cigarette out the window, slammed in shut, and left the dorm completely. Aaron wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or not.

He sat there for a moment, fingers tapping on his phone. If this was going to be following his typical pattern over the past few weeks, Andrew would be gone for hours, and wouldn’t notice if Aaron left. He would just need to be back before Andrew. Really, it wasn’t that hard of a decision.

Aaron

Be there in twenty.

Katelyn

Grabbing his jacket, Aaron hurried out of the dorm, eager to get away. Even if it wasn’t Columbia, even if it was with the Vixens, any time with Katelyn was worth it.

Aaron didn’t look up as he left the Tower. If he did, he might have seen a heavy stare and two lit cigarettes.

~~~

Summer came, and somehow Betsy had convinced the courts to change Andrew’s medication. Something about an incorrect diagnosis or dosage. Aaron wasn’t sure how they thought an Andrew off the pills would be any better, but no one asked him for his opinion.

The upside was that Aaron had weeks free of his oppressive twin, and he could spend as much time with Katelyn as he wanted. It was the first time in years Aaron felt like there was no weight pulling him down, like he could finally breathe.

It was in those few perfect weeks that Aaron came to a decision.

He couldn’t lose this.

~~~

Andrew had come back from Easthaven reverted back to the emptiness of when Aaron had first met him. He had barely said a word to anyone since he came back, simply leveling that bored glare at them whenever someone tried to speak to him. Whenever Aaron saw him, he was fiddling on that damn flip phone, barely acknowledging his surroundings. Even the upperclassmen had noticed his attachment to the device.

It was during a meeting before the first game of the new season that someone finally snapped.

“Damn it, Andrew, what are you doing?” When Kevin got really angry, his face flushed. Right now, he was approaching tomato.

Andrew snapped his phone shut, “Nothing.”

“Bullshit, you need to focus. Our first game is tomorrow, and we are nowhere near ready.”

“Maybe,” Andrew drawled, “instead of worrying about me, you should focus on what you’ll do when you see Riko again.”

It was a low blow, but effective. Kevin immediately fell silent, his skin changing from red to white so quickly Aaron was surprised he didn’t faint. Edgar Allen had joined their district after Kevin announced that he would be joining the Fox line-up. Last year Kevin had showed up, hand bloody and broken, looking for sanctuary. Apparently, Riko had broken his hand in a fit of rage. Kevin had tried to sue, but with the connections and money behind the Moriyama name, it was ruled as an accident. The public backlash of that along with Kevin’s transfer to the Foxes had caused several headaches last year.

“Jesus, Andrew,” Nicky whispered.

Andrew opened his phone again. No one else tried to speak to him for the rest of the meeting.

~~~

It was a new bet among the Foxes: what Andrew was doing on his phone. Everyone agreed that it was pretty clear he was texting someone, but the question was who. Some believed it was a secret girlfriend, while others were still convinced Renee and Andrew were together. Others thought it had to be something illegal.

Aaron knew what he thought, and he silently watched and cataloged information away.

~~~

The season was going terribly. They were winning games by the skin of their teeth and they were more divided than ever. Seth and Kevin couldn’t stop fighting, their newest striker was a nervous wreck, and Andrew didn’t give a shit.

Their last game was against the Ravens, and they had been destroyed. Now, Wymack and Dan were looking for a win.

They were in the locker room getting ready for the game when Andrew’s phone began to ring. Aaron didn’t recognize the song Andrew used, but he knew he normally used the default setting for his ringtone. Andrew picked up before Aaron could think too much on it.

“What?”

At this point everyone was staring at him, not even trying to act like they weren’t eavesdropping.

Andrew scoffed, “Junkie,” he said before snapping his phone shut, tossing it into his locker, and slamming it door closed. A moment later he was stalking out of the locker room.

Silence was left behind in his wake until Nicky broke it, “So it isn’t a girlfriend?”

When the team was gathered again (...missing...)

~~~

(...missing...)Today though, Aaron needed to talk to him.

The chances of Andrew brushing off any attempt Aaron made to speak to him were high, so Aaron waited until Andrew would have to acknowledge him. On Wednesday, when Andrew walked into Reddin, Aaron was waiting for him.

~~~

“Fuck off,” Aaron growled.

Josten had that stupid smirk on his face, his finger tapping on his test score. It wasn’t even that Aaron did bad. It was that Josten did better. He always did better in this stupid class. Aaron hated statistics, but apparently Josten was a math major and took every opportunity to show him up.

From day one Aaron had disliked him. He had plopped down beside Aaron, ratty clothes and shaggy hair, and called him ‘the second Minyard’. Not only was he a complete ass, but he was completely unnerving. His eyes were a blue so pale they were almost glacial, and his face and arms were covered in slashes and burn scars.

Once, Aaron had overheard someone call him ‘Scarface’, and Josten had just asked, with a terrifying grin, if they were looking for some to match.

And Aaron was stuck in a room with him twice a week.

Josten tsked at him, still tapping at his score. “What? Still second?”

“Fuck off,” Aaron really wasn’t in the mood.

He just hummed, pulling his phone out, a god damn flip phone, and spent the next few minutes ignoring the review happening. Aaron could barely focus as Josten texted away; each click grating on Aaron’s already frayed nerves.

Aaron wasn’t even sure how Josten did so well; he spent most of the class doodling in his notebook.

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #aftg fanfiction #para's fics #ask para

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juicebox-sys · 2 years

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hey um we're a system with unknown origins and we're finding it hard to navigate the interwebs with all of the gatekeeping and fakeclaiming and anti-endo stuff so 2 things 1) are u a sysmed or something and 2) how in the heck do we navigate any of this without getting stressed over f*keclaiming for not knowing if we're traumagenic/what that trauma is

First off, if you ever use the term "sysmed" at me again, anon privileges are getting revoked. That term was appropriated from trans culture and y'all have absolutely no right to use it the way you are. It comes from the word "transmed," short for "transmedicalist" which means a person who thinks that if, for any reason at all you cannot or will not fully medically transition, you are not trans. They treat transness as a disease or disorder, which it is not, and it has caused real world harm. People were harassed, doxxed, sent death threats, and some have even committed suicide.

"Sysmed" means someone who thinks systems form from trauma, and I have looked and found absolutely no sources credible that say systems can form without trauma.

With our current understanding of how systems form, you cannot be a system without trauma. Maybe one day that will change, there still isn't a lot of research on systems. Maybe one day there will be multiple credible sources out there that say this can happen, but as of right now there aren't and I am inclined to believe the science.

On the day when multiple research studies have been done and peer reviewed and published officially and all of that good shit, then I will believe that systems without trauma can exist.

Until then, I really don't give too much of a fuck about people calling themselves endogenic or mixed origin or whatever. It's not my life, I've got my own shit to deal with, so I mind my own business. Let them handle their shit, I really could not care less. If you call yourself endogenic or whatever and follow me, I'm not gonna get pissy, just don't drag fucking syscourse into my inbox.

Speaking of syscourse, in regards to your second question; stop engaging with syscourse. I promise your life will get so much easier.

Here's a dose of reality. Regardless of who you're talking to, singlet or system, traumagenic or endogenic, black or white, gay or straight - we're all just trying to live our lives and find a way for the world to make sense.

Syscourse is fucking stupid. Someone says they're endogenic? Okay, whatever, that doesn't affect me. Someone says persecutors are evil? Damn, they're a shitty person, I hope I never meet or talk to them. Someone says introjects aren't real? They're very uneducated, but it's not my job to educate them, and I'm hungry so I'm gonna grab something from McDonald's down the road.

I have never had any of these problems in the real world, and I know like 3 different systems IRL. That's a lot when you live in the ass crack of nowhere. They only exist online because people love to argue and fight and blow shit out of proportion, and that can make those problems seem way worse than they actually are.

I also recommend taking a step back from the Internet. That doesn't mean leave it completely, or forever, but just step back for a bit and think about you, your system, what being a system means to you, etc.

If you have decent communication within your system, have this conversation with them, too. You're part of a team now, a team whose goal is to keep everyone in your body safe, happy, and healthy. You may have different ideas on how to do that, and that's okay, but you need to talk that out between yourselves at some point, if and when you can.

It will be far easier to focus on yourself and your life if you stop giving a shit about things that don't matter in real life. There are far more pressing issues for systems in the real world then whether or not that alter is a protector or a caretaker. Have you ever tried looking up "DID in the workplace"? It's tips for therapists on how to deal with systems, not tips for systems on how to find and maintain a steady job.

There aren't many resources out there for systems right now. We don't have much, so we make do with what we have. The last thing we fucking need is to be arguing over shit that, again, does not fucking matter in the real world.

Any further syscourse shit in our inbox is getting deleted. I don't want to give it any more of my time than I already have.

#tw suicide mention #eli speaks #syscourse #did system #ugh fuck tags im gonna go make food

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whatifxwereyou · 3 years

Text

Firestorm Part 12: Chongqing

Fandom: Mortal Kombat 2021 Liu Kang x Reader

And now for an interlude where you go shopping with Chen and Lao. It goes just about exactly as you expect until Lao becomes serious Lao. You needed this.

A/N: longer chapter but had a blast writing it! enjoy, friendos.

Start From the Beginning << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index

Chongqing was overwhelmingly loud and bustling. Your trio couldn’t have stood out more amongst the crowds of the busy shopping district. Kung Lao with his hat and tunic, Chen in her simple robes, you dressed like a vampire. Black had become your new favorite wardrobe color. The ink didn’t stain it quite as badly.

The perpetual lump in your throat was going to drive you completely mad. You’d never felt this kind of anxiety before. In fact, you had been used to being the butt of every joke in your hometown. Wherever you went people would stare. But you’d never actually put any of them in danger before. This was different.

It felt like you were wrapped tight in explosives and had to pretend you were normal while walking through a busy street. No one noticed you was explosive. Kung Lao seemed pleased to be out and about with you in the world. Chen stood next to him, scowling at Kung Lao for whatever reason. You had enough to deal with without trying to understand what Chen was mad about. Chen grabbed your wrist and checked your pulse. You sighed heavily and looked away. She’d done that twice since you’d left.

“It’s not going to get any slower.” You whispered and Chen looked to you disapprovingly, then wrote something down in her little book. “We really don’t have to do this.” This was about the seventieth time you’d said that this morning. Kung Lao had insisted you run your errand. “It’s a stupid little errand and it seems silly.”

“We’re already here, Y/N. Don’t stress so much.”

“Yeah, but we’re going to Andong soon and I can get what I need there. Really. There’s way too many people here.” The dangerous scenarios that repeated in your head were wild. Chen then stepped back and Kung Lao smiled brightly at you. He was confident as ever for a man who you’d maimed just the other day.

“It’s just a few hours, Y/N. Just the two of us.” He rested his hand gently on your shoulder. Chen cleared her throat behind you and Kung Lao’s smile fell. “And her I guess.”

“As rude as ever, Kung Lao.”

“That’s Master Kung Lao and if I didn’t have to bring someone who could handle Y/N’s health issues if they creep up then I wouldn’t have.”

“Well, you had to. Sorry to break up your romantic day out, Master Kung Lao.” Chen bowed but the sneer on her face was priceless.

“Romantic? No, no, no.” You thought this couldn’t be further from romantic. A trip to the biggest city in China to get birth control was more like a bad dream. At least right now. Maybe it was a little funny but only if everyone came out of it unscathed.

“Where to first?” Kung Lao looped his arm in yours and guided you down the road slowly. With a heavy sigh you gestured down the street.

“Anywhere. Even a drugstore would do.”

“What could you possibly need from a drugstore that we don’t have at the Temple?” Chen had volumes to say on the matter but was being on her best behavior.

“I’m sure Y/N has her reasons.” Kung Lao defended you and then leaned closer to whisper. “…but what do you need?”

“It is no one’s business.”

“Wow, defensive.” Kung Lao grinned. Chen pointed at him and nodded to agree.

“Lady stuff. Okay?” An easy answer to make Kung Lao stop asking you questions.

“Oh.” Both Chen and Kung Lao seemed disappointed that it wasn’t something more exciting.

“It was bound to come up eventually.” Chen narrowed her eyes suspiciously. You were grateful that Chen didn’t seem nearly as bold in front of Kung Lao.

“This is suddenly a much less exciting trip.”

“What did you think I needed to buy, Lao?”

“Clothes? Lady… things?” He looked you over from head to toe and your jaw dropped. You stopped your walk and pulled your arm away from his, resting your hands on your hips. Chen was trying very hard not to laugh, face turned away but beat red with effort.

“Are you implying that you thought I had invited you to come shopping for lingerie with me?” You gestured to yourself. Chen was now failing at her task of not laughing. She was open mouth wheezing, bent over with one hand on her knee.

“I feel like that’s something I would excel at.”

“I think that you would be the exact opposite of helpful.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous, Y/N.” Kung Lao grinned, delighted that he’d managed to turn your face red. Chen was practically crying tears of happiness.

“And just what would you do if I took you into a lingerie store, hmm? I’m calling your bluff.” You tapped your foot expectantly and Kung Lao stiffened up. If he wanted to tease you then you would tease him right back, Chen be damned. He stuttered, ran his tongue over his teeth, but then grinned and pointed a finger at you with no words to back it up. “That’s what I thought.”

“If that’s a challenge Y/N, then you’re on.”

“Are you sure? Tall man, already standing out like a sore thumb with that hat, towering above a store full of women shopping for lacy underthings? Really sure you want to do that?”

“I uh…”

“Because it will be awkward. Not the fun, sexy thing that you think it’s going to be.” You were winning and rather happy about it.

“I can’t breathe, you two have to stop.” Chen was coughing with laughter. You patted her on the back.

“At least someone thinks we’re funny.”

“Not for the reasons you’re thinking.” You muttered and then gave Chen another smack on the back and then cleared your throat. Chen wiped her eyes. “I do need clothes but it’s not urgent. And I’m not underwear shopping with you, Kung Lao. No offense.”

“We’re here so you should get what you need while we are. I’ll just be the creep standing outside the store.” Kung Lao slipped his arm around yours again and then led you further down the street, eyeing the shops. You had to dart between people as you walked and being in this big of a crowd made you visibly uncomfortable.

“We should get this over with quickly.” You didn’t mean to sound like you didn’t want to spend time with him. You were uncomfortable but only partially because you were out with Kung Lao and Chen.

“Come on, Y/N. Relax a little.”

“It’s dangerous to be around this many people.” There was no point in dancing around the truth. They didn’t seem to take you seriously. How many times had you wounded Kung Lao and Liu Kang? These were men that you cared about deeply. Unusually tough men with magic powers. Imagine what kind of damage you would do to Chen if you lost it. And the ten people who had just walked past you! You shivered at the thought. Chen patted your shoulder comfortingly then drifted behind you and Kung Lao as if to try and alleviate your worry.

“Try not to think about it.”

“Really? I… let’s just get it over with.” You laughed in disbelief. You wouldn’t ruin their mood just because you were nervous of what could be. Kung Lao led you into the massive store on the corner. It was a towering building. Just inside there was a sign along the wall listing each level and what was sold on them. This floor was convenience. The floors above were separated like a department store.

You pulled your arm free of Kung Lao’s and meandered through the aisles. There was a pharmacy at the far end. Yes, your target. You stopped in the middle of the aisle and frowned. You didn’t have a prescription. Damnit. What had you been thinking? None of this was working out the way you’d wanted it to. It was comically bad! You laughed at yourself and Kung Lao furrowed his brow next to you.

“What’s wrong? You okay?”

“Yeah. It just struck me how weird it is to be shopping with you like life is normal.”

“I do it all the time.”

“Does it ever stop being weird?” You had been lying and Kung Lao hadn’t noticed. Score one for you.

“People stared and pointed at you all the time when we were kids. I can’t imagine that changed much after I left. You can’t possibly feel weird about it now.”

“Well, there’s a man standing next to me with a big weapon-y hat and… we stand out in a different way. Plus I’m dangerous.” You nudged him. Kung Lao grinned.

“I’m happy to stand out next to you.”

“You’re so corny.” You pointed to the next aisle. “Lady things. My mission. You coming?” You dared him.

“Ugh, no. I’m going to go look at literally anything else. Ruining all my fun…” Kung Lao teased, patting your shoulder before walking in the opposite direction. Good. Chen was nowhere to be found. She’d probably been distracted by something or another. Good. She’d needed to get out too. With a sigh of relief, you made your way to the pharmacy counter instead of the next aisle. The woman behind it looked so tired that you thought maybe she was a prisoner there.

“Picking up?”

“Actually… and I know this is going to come across at stupid but… I’m from out of town and I’ve forgotten my birth control.” You lied. You sounded like you were lying. It was so terrible. You were the worst! You’d used all your lying skills up for the day. Thankfully, the pharmacist seemed so tired that she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “I know that usually I can’t get it without a prescription but I was hoping there was something I could pay for outright over the counter, maybe?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. The only thing I have over the counter is for the morning after.” She was surprisingly sympathetic for someone who was most definitely not paid enough. “I can call your doctor’s office and see if they’ll fax over a prescription if you like.” That was helpful except that you were supposed to be dead so that didn’t work out.

“No, no. I don’t have a primary care doctor here and…”

“Oh, I can call just about anywhere.”

“That’s nice, um… no, it’s okay. Thank you though. I’ll take some of the morning after stuff if you have it.” You sighed heavily. It was better than nothing. You tried to figure out a way to sneak into a doctor that day but it didn’t seem possible without completely abandoning Chen and Kung Lao. Maybe you would be able to do it later with Liu. Ugh, you didn’t want to wait that long. Your face flushed just thinking about it. You couldn’t wait to share this story with Liu later. It was hilarious. You paid for the medication which you asked to be double bagged. When you turned around, you found Chen standing behind you, hands on her hips, a smile on her face.

“I knew it.”

“You knew what?” You tried to play it cool but your face had immediately turned red and betrayed you. Chen tapped the bag and the burning in your cheeks intensified. “What? My hormones are being whacky.”

“Bull. You’re a terrible liar. I knew something was up. You are trying to be prepared before sleeping with one of those boys. Or both if you’re smart. Trying not to get pregnant, right?” Chen pointed an accusatory finger at you but her eyes were sparkling with joy. The woman behind the counter was now watching you with delight.

“Shush! Quiet!” You grabbed Chen’s arm and pulled her further from the pharmacy counter. “Please.”

“If you don’t tell me I’ll get louder. Kung Lao isn’t that far away, you know.”

“Fucking fine, you are mean, Kung Lao was right.”

“I love when you curse.”

“You are the worst…”

“Yeah, I know, the worst monk.” Chen brushed off the insult. “Tell me! It’s been ages since I’ve had anything juicy.”

“Fine. Yeah, I wanted to try and get some birth control. But I’m a moron for… numerous reasons. I forgot that I needed a prescription. So this whole embarrassing and stressful trip was next to pointless.”

“You should have told me, Y/N. I work in the infirmary. You’re not the only girl in the temple who needs birth control. Some of the hormones in there are crazy. I’ll get you some when we get back.”

“…well, now I feel bad. That was nice.”

“If you didn’t buy birth control then what did you buy?” Chen narrowed her eyes suspiciously then in a flash snatched the bag from your hands before it could be pulled to safety. She stepped back toward the pharmacy counter out of your reach and then looked into the bag. “Y/N! You dirty girl!” She grinned. You yanked the bag back from her. “You slept with one of them and didn’t tell me?” Your face was so red you thought you might explode. There were no words, just embarrassment. You weren’t the one who was a gossip, this should not have been surprising. “By the way? You should buy some tampons to cover your tracks. I keep those in the temple too, by the way. You really should have just saved yourself the trouble and just talked to me.” You felt more and more like a moron. You deserved this. Your shaming had been earned. “Did you have unprotected sex with one of them? Here I was thinking that you were never gonna spread your legs and…”

“Wow, wow… okay shush… this is a rollercoaster and I need off.”

“You didn’t have to make this trip. All you had to do was talk to me.”

“Yeah, so you can have your weird vicarious fantasy.”

“Obviously.”

“And you’d help with the Plan B, huh?”

“Maybe. Did you sleep with Kung Lao? Bareback? Really? You want to breed with that?” Chen seemed to be considering if this were a viable option and you wanted to bash your head repeatedly into the wall until you were unconscious to escape this embarrassment. “I mean, I guess that wouldn’t be the worst thing but you…”

“No! No I did not.” You were practically squealing.

“Oh.” Chen grinned from ear to ear and your face dropped. “So it was Liu Kang then.” Your face was so hot you were practically suffocating. It was not nearly as fun as the kind of suffocation being with Liu Kang had provided. The woman behind the counter was listening to you with rapt attention but pretended to go back to work when she realized she was caught.

“You have got to be quieter.” You walked away from Chen, down the aisle, grabbed a box of tampons then paid for it at the pharmacy counter. Then you shoved it deep in your bag. Chen was grinning so wide that you thought she looked deranged. Before you could say anything further on the matter Kung Lao joined you from the other end of the aisle.

“Oh, good. You look done. I was bored.” He looked you over and narrowed his eyes. “Your face is red.”

“Uh… hot in here, right?” You fanned yourself and Chen snorted with laughter. This had to have been Chen’s dream come true, short of walking in on you with one of them.

“…that woman is staring at me.” Kung Lao whispered, stepping closer to you, and nodding toward the pharmacist.

“It’s the hat, I’m sure. Didn’t notice.” Every word was a struggle to say without bursting into laughter. You then grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the pharmacy counter. He slowed you down, pulled his hand free, and then slipped his arm around your waist lazily.

“I was thinking that we could grab something to eat if you’re up for it. I’m hungry.” Thankfully Kung Lao hadn’t needed any answers. Chen joined you, walking on the other side of you. “There’s a pretty good sushi place around here if I remember correctly.”

“Do you think it’s responsible for me to sit in a restaurant?” You were in disbelief but at least your face was finally cooling down.

“You’re still allowed to live, Y/N.” Kung Lao’s grin finally fell.

“Yeah, live a little.” Chen added. You could practically see the devil horns sprouting on her head.

“You guys don’t… get it.” You pulled away from Kung Lao and stopped your walk, turning to face them.

“I really don’t.” Kung Lao pouted and then mouthed that he was hungry. For sushi.

“Look at yourself, Kung Lao.” You gestured to him. “You’re bruised to hell.”

“Bloodied too.” Kung Lao seemed proud of it.

“Wouldn’t know. He never comes to the infirmary unless he’s dragged there. Even then, he’s the worst.”

“I’m only the worst because you’re so mean.”

“Is that reason? Because if that were the reason then it would only be me dreading you visiting the infirmary.”

“I’m… going upstairs to buy some clothes. You can keep bickering and I’ll think about food.” You turned away and walked to the stairwell around the corner. You breathed a sigh of relief to be away from people and then fanned your still red face. Only seconds later, Chen and Kung Lao joined you. They were still bickering. The permanent look of disgust on Kung Lao’s face as they argued about his health was hilarious.

Let them argue. You walked up to the next floor and found it was women’s clothing. You searched the rack for some staples. Now that you thought about it, you really did want to buy some lingerie but you couldn’t dream of doing that with those two breathing down your neck. Instead, you focused on staples. You found a few things to sleep in, more pants, cute black shirts. Black was your new aesthetic, apparently. You couldn’t help but think that you were beginning to dress like the witch that everyone in your hometown had accused you of being. It was a little comical.

Kung Lao stood next to you and Chen disappeared in the stacks. You were trying not to laugh at how annoyed he looked. He shoved his hands into his pockets and then peered over your shoulder, purposely trying to catch your gaze and distract you.

“Yes?” You turned toward him.

“None of this is lingerie. Boring.”

“Wow, so funny.” You rolled your eyes but smiled. You gave him a hard time but it really was fun to be out and about with him. He made you laugh. This experience was stressful for too many reasons but he managed to make it a little less nerve racking.

“I’m sorry for being a dick about this.” Kung Lao rocked on the balls of his feet, avoiding your eyes. “I know that you’re afraid of hurting people. I’m just… used to deflecting everything with humor. Tried to ease the tension and made it worse. And your friend being here isn’t making it easier. I swear she has it out for me.”

“She does seem to.” You smiled sympathetically. Now that you thought about it, Chen had tried to tell you something a few days ago. It felt like a lifetime since then. Maybe her attitude had something to do with that.

“I was kind of hoping that we could find some alone time. I could sneak you into a movie.” That sweet smile was back and you had to avert your eyes. It was a cute idea but it also made your stomach drop.

“That’s probably not safe unless we’re the only ones in the theater.” The weight of your truth made your knees buckle. “Maybe after we figure this out.”

“I figured that’s what you’d say.” It was Kung Lao’s turn to look disappointed. “Maybe Liu is right to worry about you.” He slipped his arm around you again. “It’s going to be okay, Y/N.” Was it though? They really didn’t get it.

“I could explode with ink right now and you would be impaled.” You placed the clothing you’d picked up back on the shelf. Shopping didn’t seem so important anymore. Kung Lao cocked an eyebrow in surprise. “Those women walking behind us? Dead. The damage I’d do to the store and the employees would be irreparable. You’d be incapacitated if not dead. Who knows who else I’d hurt? I’d never forgive myself, Kung Lao. I don’t think anyone has really thought through the danger that I truly pose. Raiden seems to be the only one who gets it.” You didn’t like having this conversation with anyone, especially Kung Lao.

“Y/N… I…”

“Chen’s so busy teasing me about you and Liu that she forgets how dangerous this is. You… it’s sweet. You’re so confident that we’re going to figure this out and that we can handle whatever happens but one wrong move? And you’re dead.” You knew it was harsh to talk like that but you thought about it constantly. “You were confident about it in the arena too and look what happened, I…” You were upset and you didn’t want to be upset.

“Hey, hey…” Kung Lao placed his hand on your cheek to stop you from going on. Brow furrowed he pushed your hair away from your face. “Take a breath.” You did. It helped a little. He urged his hands to your shoulders and then down your arms. “I know all of that. I really do. I don’t mean to be dismissive… but I can’t help but think you have to take the risks. You can’t just hide away forever.”

“Am I hidden, Kung Lao? We are in… arguably the biggest city in the world. I’m here. Just… cut me some slack for being nervous. This is a new anxiety for me and I am learning to deal with it.”

“I don’t want you to stop living because of this. I want to make sure you still have fun.”

“I’m not worried about that! I’m not worried about having fun…” What did that have to do with anything?

“I know. And that worries me.” Kung Lao seemed exasperated. “This is so much stress and it’s going to eat you alive. Come on. Come with me.” He took your hand and started through the aisles.

“I’m shopping, Kung Lao.”

“It can wait.” He led you through the store and to the elevators. Pulling you inside, he pressed the button for the top floor. Your heart was suddenly racing. Kung Lao had been flirting on and off all day but this was different. You and Liu hadn’t drawn any lines in the sand about what you were but you knew she wanted to be with him. Don’t overthink it. That was all you had to do.

The elevator dinged and you walked onto the top floor that was filled with various appliances. Lao led you into the stairwell and you climbed the last staircase that led onto the roof. He pushed open the door and then walked with you to the edge of the building. A railing had been installed to keep people safe and there was a garden in dire need of watering. From there you could see much of the city. The air wasn’t exactly clear that day but it was still breathtaking. You hadn’t seen that much life in a long time. You leaned against the railing and watched the world below as it passed by. The wind howled that high up and whipped hair around.

“Everyone’s afraid of something. Every single one of those people down there.” Kung Lao had his arms folded on the railing, chin resting against them next to you.

“That’s true. But not everyone could kill the people they care about with the things that frighten them.”

“Maybe some can. Who are we to say?” He joked but then leaned up from where he’d rested his chin. “Y/N?”

“What, Lao?”

“I’ve been thinking and…” He hesitated but leaned one arm on the railing as he turned to face you.

“What is it?” You turned but felt your heart instantly leap into your throat. He took a step closer and towered over you. Panic. Sudden panic. Your first instinct was to stop him and tell him about Liu but nothing came out. The idea of hurting him was crippling. Part of you loved Kung Lao. You’d always loved him. You’d had a love affair without having ever been together. But this was different. He pushed your hair away from your face again, hand brushing gently down your cheek and then beneath your chin.

“You’re really special. You know that, right?”

That hadn’t been what you’d expected. What did he mean? And why?

“I’m sure that you feel as cursed as I tease you about being but… you’re special. Not everyone could handle the weight of what you’re dealing with. And not everyone would be responsible with it. Most people wouldn’t be, I think.” Kung Lao smiled. “Think of the kind of villain you could be. If you were to side with Outworld with this… insane power you have? The destruction that you’d be capable of… look, I’m not trying to convince you to do crimes, I’m just trying to say that you’re special. And you should know that.”

“Lao, I…” You furrowed your brow because through this whole thing you hadn’t thought of yourself as capable or special. But there Kung Lao was, rearranging everything in your head. How had he seen it but you hadn’t? Maybe you’d been given this gift and this curse for a reason. Maybe it was because you could handle it when others wouldn’t have been able to. His thumb brushed against your chin and then traced up your jaw. Okay, now he was going to try and kiss you. The mood was right but you kept thinking about Liu Kang and how deeply you’d fallen for him.

Then the door opened behind you.

Chen.

“Did you two really abandon me to have a romantic moment on the roof? Leaving me wandering the store in search of you for an hour?” She huffed and puffed but had several bags on her arm. She had enjoyed shopping at least. “I said to myself, I bet they’re on the roof. Having a romantic moment. Just had to sneak away. And here you are. Having a romantic moment. As predicted. Unbelievable.”

You took a step back and wiped your face, embarrassed. Kung Lao pulled off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair, and then replaced it again.

“Sorry. I got in my head. Needed to breathe.” Your face was red again.

“Sure, breathing is what that was.”

“I’m not sorry. Wish you’d been lost looking for us for a few more minutes.” Kung Lao sounded arrogant even as he slipped his arm around your shoulder and led you back toward the stairwell.

“Not at all surprising!” Chen called after you before joining you.

“Stop arguing. You’re making my head hurt.”

“But Y/N…”

“If you stop arguing, I will agree to get sushi.”

Chen and Kung Lao exchanged a glance and came to a silent agreement with a nod.

18 notes · View notes

dlwritings · 4 years

Text

Moving Out (and On?) | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader (ft Niall Horan) word count - 3,618 warnings - language A/N - for the anon who requested x | this edit was fun to make | ya’ll love a secret dating gone wrong fic

summary - You’re sick of being Tom’s secret girlfriend, always coming in second to his career. But you didn’t want your relationship to end. When everything goes up in flames, you turn to your favorite Irishman to give you some support.

It was basically the most cliche issue you could have when secretly dating a celebrity. If the world doesn’t know you exist, interviewers are going to ask about other women. After almost two years of dating Tom Holland, you still weren’t quite used to it. For a while, it was always about Zendaya. Then, it just became any famous girl he was seen with. But Tom wasn’t with any of them. He was with you. And you were getting a little tired of hiding it.

You did your best dealing with it. You loved Tom, and you didn’t want to ruin what you had just because you wanted to go public and he didn’t.

Tom was away on press for The Devil All the Time, and you were missing him a lot. You talked on the phone every night, but it didn’t make you miss him any less. To make up for his absence, you were keeping up with the videos different news outlets were posting from his press tour. You were pumped to see that he had done another Wired autocomplete interview. His previous one had been with Zendaya and Jacob, so you were kind of excited to see him do one alone.

Tom introduced himself, and you couldn’t help but smile at his voice. Once he was handed a board, he was quick to begin. “What is Tom Holland’s,” Tom read, peeling off a strip, “phone number.” He laughed. “Uh, I won’t pick up my phone, but you can try calling my husband, Jake Gyllenhaal at (213) 406-6007.”

You laughed at his joke and continued watching. Some of the questions were interesting (What house is Tom Holland in? got him on a Harry Potter kick), but others just made you laugh some more (Is Tom Holland a dad? was a good one).

“Is Tom Holland,” he read after laughing over the previous question, “dating anyone?”

You took a deep breath and let it out through your nose as Tom was able to maintain his poker face. “Tom Holland is enjoying his 20s right now,” he answered, “and he is very focused on his work. So you could say he is dating his career.”

Your mood shifted significantly after that question, and even though you continued watching the video, you enjoyed it much less. If you were any normal couple, he would’ve been able to say yes. Give the real answer. But this was you and Tom, and apparently the public wasn’t ready for that yet.

Just as you finished the video, as if he knew, Tom called you. You answered and tried to sound cheery. “Hi,” you said. “How’re you doing, Tommy?”

“Tired,” he answered honestly. “S’been a long day.”

“I’m sorry, love,” you said. Tom was quiet for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“What?” you said. “Nothing. What’re you talking about?”

“You sound upset,” he said.

“I’m not,” you said.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you said again. “I’m just tired, too.”

“Why’re you tired?”

“Can’t I just be tired?”

“You’re not usually tired.”

“Well today I am.”

“You’re lying.”

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

“Because I know you.”

“It’s fine, Tom.”

“(Y/N), just talk to me. I hate knowing you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” you shouted. You took a deep breath and sighed. “I just miss you. That’s all.”

He sighed as well. “I miss you too.”

“I was watching some of your interviews,” you told him.

“Yeah?” he said, his tone lightening up a little. “Which ones?”

“I just finished your Wired autocomplete,” you said.

“That’s always a fun one,” he said. “That board though-” He made a sound like he shivered. “-like a nail on chalkboard to me.”

You laughed dryly. “I know.” Tom was quiet for a moment.

“Can you talk to me?” he asked. You could tell he was hesitant, like he didn’t want to upset you any more than he already had. “There’s something else going on. I can tell.” You didn’t want to fight with him, so you decided to tell him the truth.

“I don’t want to hide our relationship anymore,” you said. “I’m tired.”

“(Y/N),” he said with a sigh. “We’ve talked about this.”

“And you tell me the same thing over and over again,” you said. “That you’re just not ready and that you don’t think I can handle it. I can handle it, Tom.”

“We’re not having this talk again.”

“Yes we are!” you said.

“(Y/N)-”

“In the interview, you said you’re dating your career,” you told him. “And you know what? That’s what it feels like sometimes! I feel like I’m falling to the backburner, because if I’m a secret, I don’t affect your career, and if it’s not about your career, then it doesn’t matter. Not to you. Not right now. You feel like a different person right now, like you’re living and breathing your work.”

“What, so you want me to stop?”

“Of course not,” you said. “Don’t be stupid. I just want you to be proud that we’re in this relationship. To value me as much as you value work.”

“I can’t just put down what I’m working on to make you feel important,” he said.

“That’s not what I’m asking you to do!”

“I’m not going to keep having this conversation with you,” he said. “This isn’t the first time you’ve brought this up, that I don’t care about you or this relationship or whatever. Frankly, (Y/N), I can’t handle this right now. Every time you bring it up it just raises my stress level. I can’t afford to be stressed right now.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means if you really feel this way, then I’m done.”

“You’re done,” you repeated.

“Yeah,” he said. “I can’t keep babying you so you can feel secure in this relationship. I’m done.”

“Tom-”

The dial tone on the other end cut you off, and you felt tears come to your eyes. This hadn’t been your intention. You just wanted to have a conversation, and hopefully come to a better conclusion than you had every other time you brought it up. Maybe it was your fault. Maybe you should’ve just let it all be. Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned it over the phone when he was busy with press. Maybe you had just lost the love of your life because of one rash decision.

You were quite young still. 21 wasn’t old. You still had your whole life ahead of you. But you were certain you and Tom were going to live happily ever after. So what were you supposed to do now?

You did the only thing you could think to do: call Niall.

Tom had gone golfing with Niall Horan a couple of times, and he would invite the Irishman over for dinner afterwards. You had been hanging out at Tom’s flat the first time he brought Niall over, and you were shocked when he walked through the door. You had always been a big fan of One Direction, and you were obsessed with Niall’s solo work. Luckily, after dating Tom for so long, you were a lot better at talking to famous people. Plus, Niall was crazy nice, and the two of you clicked instantly. After that, you considered him a good friend. A best friend actually.

So you gave him a call.

“‘Ello!” he said cheerily. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, Ni,” you said, your voice cracking. “You got a minute?”

“Always got a minute for you,” he said. “What’s wrong?” You opened your mouth only to close it again once you could tell you were about to break down into sobs. You sniffed a few times and finally composed yourself.

“Tom broke up with me,” you whispered.

“Ah, shit,” he said. You could hear him moving around a bit on his end. “You want me to come over?”

“Do you mind?” you asked, looking over at the clock. It was already 10:30.

“Course not,” he said. “I’ll be over in a bit.”

“I’ll leave it unlocked,” you said.

Niall was over in a few minutes, ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. “What happened?” he asked as you cuddled up to him on the couch.

“I just-” You were sniffing, practically blubbering. “I told him I was sick of, of keeping our relationship a secret. And that I didn’t want to keep, keep living in the shadows. He got mad, and, and he told me that he didn’t want to do it anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Have the same conversation we’ve been having,” you explained. “I bring it up all the time. I just want him to, to-” You cut yourself with a sigh. “I don’t know, Niall. I just felt like I was second best to all the work he’s been doing. And I’m not trying to sound unsupportive, but-”

“You don’t sound unsupportive,” he said. “Sounds like you want to be in a relationship that makes you happy, and Tom wasn’t doing that.”

“Most of the time he was,” you said. “But you know how he gets when he’s got a new role. It, it’s like it consumes him.” Niall just nodded and massaged the top of your head with his fingers.

“Maybe it’ll all work out,” he tried to offer. “Maybe it was just a fight.”

“We don’t ever fight like that,” you told him. “I try to be optimistic, but this is just-” You swallowed back more tears and shook your head. “This felt final.” Niall sighed and placed a kiss to the top of your head.

“You know I’m here for you,” he said. “However and whenever you need me.”

“I know,” you told him, putting your arm around his stomach to hold him closer. “Thank you.”

You spent every day with Niall for the next two months. He helped you move out from the flat you shared with Tom and let you stay with him until you could get back on your feet. You didn’t hear from Tom once. Niall was the perfect friend. He did everything he could to boost your spirits, constantly getting you ice cream or takeaway, and forcing you everyday to get out of bed and take a shower. He knew you well. Knew you’d mope and stop taking care of yourself if he let you.

After two or so weeks went by, you forced yourself to put on a brave face. You didn’t want Niall to have to keep babying you. Tom wasn’t coming back, and there was nothing you could do about it. He hadn’t reached out to you once, and his Instagram stories were proof he was doing just fine. You were able to convince Niall you were okay with your fake laughs and pretty smiles.

Or so you thought.

Niall wasn’t dumb. Everyday, he saw you staring blankly at your black phone screen like you were waiting for it to light up with a call or text from Tom. He heard you crying in your room most nights, and he saw the redness rimming in your eyes every morning. He wasn’t sure you were even sleeping. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t reach out to Tom. He couldn’t help you if you didn’t want it. So he gave you space and let you recover however you needed to.

At the two month mark, Niall took you out for breakfast at your favorite cafe. You agreed eagerly, especially when he said he’d pay. In no world would you turn down a free breakfast.

Across town, Tom’s flight had just landed. He pulled out his phone and decided to scroll through some social media before Harrison picked him up. When he opened Instagram, he clicked through the stories of people he was following. He clicked through them absentmindedly, but his thumb froze when he saw a picture of you. You had your hands wrapped around a coffee cup and a huge smile on your face. Instantly, his heart dropped. Had you really moved on so soon? To Niall? He thought back to that day two months ago. The day he broke up with you. The worst day of his life.

“So what does that mean?” you asked him.

“It means if you really feel this way, then I’m done,” he said.

“You’re done,” you repeated.

“Yeah,” he said. “I can’t keep babying you so you can feel secure in this relationship. I’m done.”

“Tom-”

He hung up before you could finish your sentence and threw his phone against the wall. His case would protect it, he knew. He put his forehead in his hands and clenched his jaw. “Fuck!” he shouted. He meant what he said. He was sick of having the same conversation over and over again. He wasn’t ready to go public. End of story. Why did you keep having to push it? He just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was raising his stress level, and after filming his most recent movies, he couldn’t afford to be any more stressed than he already was.

Now, two months later, he was questioning everything. Had he overreacted? Deep down, he really thought you’d end up getting back together. That this was just a fight, and that you’d reach out to him. When months went by and you didn’t, he knew he had really fucked up. Maybe it was his place to reach out, but at this point, he felt like he didn’t have the right. You had already moved on. How could he just push his way into your life again?

But he had to. He had to talk to you. To say he was sorry. To get on his knees and beg to have you back, if it came to that. So, he made a snap decision. When Harrison brought him home, he asked if Tom wanted to hang out, but the ladder said no. He got in his car and headed off to Niall’s house.

You and Niall were sitting on the couch watching Harry Potter when there was a knock at the front door. You groaned and reached for the remote, but Niall just laughed. “Don’t pause it,” he said. “I’ll go check.”

“You’re going to miss Sirius’ death,” you said with a pout.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” he said back. You scoffed and nodded, adjusting the blanket you were using and turning back to the TV. You couldn’t hear who was at the door, but you could make out the muffled sounds of Niall speaking with someone.

When Niall opened the door, the last person he expected to see was Tom. Niall turned to look over his shoulder and make sure you hadn’t crept down the hall, and when he saw it was clear, he turned to his friend. “Hey,” he said awkwardly.

“Hey,” Tom said back, just as uncomfortable. “Is (Y/N) here?”

“Yeah,” Niall said. “She’s been staying with me since you two-” He cut himself off. Tom hung his head and ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, Tom, I don’t know if she’s ready to see you.”

“Come on, mate,” he said. “I’m begging you. Just let me talk to her.” Niall studied Tom. He could tell he was broken up, and he felt bad for his friend. But he felt bad for you too. He had been with you through all of this, and it hadn’t been a pretty picture. You still weren’t yourself, and he knew seeing Tom again would just bring you back to square one. But maybe you needed this closure. Who was he to stand in the way of that?

So he stepped to the side and let Tom in.

You heard footsteps approaching, so you turned to see who had stopped by. When you saw Tom, you sat up a little straighter. “What are you doing here?” you asked. Niall shoved his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat awkwardly. You shot him a glare.

“I’ll be in my room,” he said. Tom nodded, and Niall left you alone. You pulled the blanket a little closer to you like it could be a barrier between the two of you. Tom noticed and took a step closer to the couch so he could sit on the opposite end.

“What are you doing here?” you asked again.

“I just want to talk to you,” he said.

“About what?” you asked.

He hesitated. “You been living here long?”

“Since you broke up with me, yeah,” you said. “I needed a place to go.”

“So you moved on that quick?” he asked, his voice small. You raised your eyebrows.

“What does that mean?” you asked.

“I break up with you, and the next day you’re with Niall?”

“I’m not with Niall,” you snapped, realizing what he was implying. “I needed a home, Tom! You broke up with me! I had to move out! I couldn’t move back home, I couldn’t afford a place by myself! Niall was here for me!” Quickly, you added, “And even if I was with him, what right do you have to be upset about that? You broke up with me! At least Niall isn’t scared of posting pictures of me! Of people knowing who I am. You know how refreshing that is? I’ve been hidden for two years. Going out in public with Niall is like-” You let out a dry laugh. “It was like a breath of fresh air.”

“Well, then be with Niall!” Tom shouted. He was getting frustrated, but more with himself than with you. He deserved everything you were saying, and it just made him mad at himself.

“I don’t want to be with Niall!” you shouted back. “I don’t love Niall! I love you! But you didn’t want to make it work!”

“I never said that!” Tom said.

“You didn’t want to take the next step!” you said. “You, you keep hiding me, Tom! Why are you so ashamed of me?” Tom didn’t answer for a moment, too taken aback by your words.

“Is that what you think?” he said. “That I’m ashamed of you?”

“I don’t understand why else you would hide me like you had for two years,” you said.

He started stuttering through his response. “(Y/N), I’ve, I’m, it’s not that at all.” You didn’t say anything, and he sighed. “I’m scared of what could go wrong.” You furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head.

“I don’t understand,” you said.

“It’s easy right now, you know?” he said. “It’s easy, and it’s safe, and there’s no chance of someone hurting you or you getting, getting too overwhelmed by everything.” It still wasn’t clicking to you.

“I don’t understand,” you said. “So, so you-” You sighed and pressed your fingers to your temples. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about it? Instead of shutting me down every time I brought it up?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I just wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

“Jesus, Tom,” you said, feeling a lump rise in your throat. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “If I could take it all back, I would.” You looked at him just as he lifted his head to look at you. His eyes were brimmed with tears, and you knew yours were too.

“I won’t be in the shadows anymore,” you told him. “I won’t.”

“I know,” he said. “I swear, you won’t be anymore. I’ll tell everyone. I’ll shout it from the rooftops, whatever you want.” You couldn’t help but giggle a bit, which made Tom’s face light up. “Move back in with me?” he asked. Your smile dropped a fraction, and you looked down at your hands.

“Can I stay here a while longer?” you said. “If it’s okay with Niall? I just-” You sighed. “I just want to take this slow moving forward. I need time to, to get back to where we were. I still love you,” you added, “but I just-” You took a shaky breath. “I’m not there yet.” Tom nodded in understanding.

“Okay,” he said. “Whatever you need. Just-” He moved a little closer to you and stroked your cheek with the back of his hand. “-know that I love you so much, and however you want to go public, I’m game.” You nodded, and Tom smiled and leaned forward, hoping you’d meet him halfway for a kiss. You did. He smiled against your lips and put his hand on the back of your head, keeping you close to him.

You pulled away from each other when you heard a dramatic clearing of the throat. You turned your head and saw Niall leaning against the doorframe with his arms across his chest. “I see you lovebirds patched things up,” he said. You and Tom both chuckled, and Tom hung his head as the tips of his ears turned pink.

“Is it okay if I stay a little longer?” you asked Niall.

He nodded without hesitation. “Stay as long as you need.” He paused. “You guys wanna get some food?” Tom looked at you, and you bit your lip and hung your head.

“I think we might head back to my place for a while,” he said. “You know, catch up a little bit.”

“Ah, ah, ah,” he said, covering his ears. “I don’t need to hear anymore. I get the picture.”

You and Tom said goodbye to Niall, and as soon as the door shut, Niall put his hands on his hips and sighed. He thought for a moment and reached into his pocket for his phone, clicking on the first contact name that came to his mind.

“Tommo! You up for some Nandos?”

----- ----- ----- -----

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whump-town · 3 years

Text

A Matter of Trust

I do really hate this fic but but it’s whatever and I’m tired of looking at it. I have homework to do so it just is what it is. This probably takes place pre-season one.

Here’s the Derek and Hotch fic:

“Derek!”

Morgan stops dead in his tracks, spinning on his heel to see who it is jogging down the hall after him. JJ with her blond hair tied back in a messy ponytail is hurrying towards him. He watches it swish back and forth over her shoulders. Pressed to her chest is an assortment of papers, only some bound by the traditional manila folders their work is found in. She puffs out a breath, slightly winded, as she nears him. “What can I do for you?” he asks.

She extends the pile of papers, “can you take these to Agent Hotchner?”

He bottles the immediate frustration he experiences. Mostly because he’s not frustrated with her and Gideon is always riding his ass about his “displacement” of emotions. To which, Morgan really wants to suggest Gideon take his Freudian ideology and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Yet, he knows this would be falling directly into the displacement Gideon is talking about. Besides, JJ is a saint and a little scary (if he’s honest), and keeping himself on her good side is ideal.

So, he accepts the papers. “Sure,” he says with a smile. “That’s no problem. Anything else?”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “No,” she answers, simply. “Not unless you can call the Washington branch and explain, again, that we are not needed in their arson case.” She rubs at her forehead, fingers creating the stress wrinkles she’s certainly feeling. “Agent Hotchner sent them a profile last week but they really want him to come down there.”

Morgan hums, nodding. He’s aware of that particular issue. Everyone wants them somewhere and they never want just the profile being offered, they always want someone down there. Which, until JJ was hired, was a problem Hotch had taken on. He devoted time to explain that they didn’t have the agents or the time to send someone out for every minor issue. There are three profiles in the entire unit. The sexism that JJ faces with this now as her job is infuriating and Morgan finds himself blaming Hotch for that.

The man has been doing that job for years, why hasn’t he warned her better? Taken to feeling some of the calls himself to throw a little bit of that temper at them?

Then there’s the issue of this “Agent Hotchner” nonsense. No one, not a single agent that Morgan knows, calls Hotch anything but Hotch. Hell, a good fifty percent of the time, Gideon calls him by his first name. So, where does Hotch get off on having JJ call him Agent Hotchner?

Morgan feels for her but mostly, he feels anger.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that,” Morgan says, shaking his own head. “Come get me if you need me to shake them up a little?”

JJ smiles because she appreciates the gesture but shakes her head, denying the offer. “Don’t worry about it,” she assures him. “It’s being handled.”

What Morgan doesn’t know is that Hotch is calling Washington and JJ doesn’t need both of them calling up to chew out the branch. The way that Morgan feels is not unwarranted and it’s protective… really, it’s sweet. He’s known Hotch for years and he’s willing to toss all of the trust he has in his partner out the door for a woman he’s known for about a month. Mostly because he grew up with two sisters and he knows how men in power can be.

(And, in part, because it seems unrealistic that Hotch is as nice and forgiving as he always seems to be).

“Oh!” JJ cringes, wincing as she realizes that she has forgotten something. “Heads up,” she offers, “I think you guys are heading out for a case.”

Morgan sighs but nods, “okay.” Great, he thinks, a case is the last thing he wants to deal with right now. If there’s one thing he’s learned on this job it’s that there is no such thing as a break.

And sure enough…

“We’re going to Arlington.”

Arlington? That’s only about an hour’s drive from the offices.

Hotch hands Gideon and Morgan both a file, stepping backflip his own open. He flips through it, never even flinching at the pictures his eyes scan over. “They have a serial arsonist,” he mumbles, allowing them just enough time to come to this conclusion on their own. “He’s not escalating but there are no clear signs of remorse or a cooling-off period.”

Gideon hums at this, thoughtfully examining the pictures himself. His lack of comment is an agreeance.

“It’s all women,” Morgan notes with a frown, looking up with Hotch. “Arson-Homicide cases with a death caused by burns and fire is… it’s not actually-- Statistically speaking, arson-related deaths caused by direct burns wounds, and fire are averagely male. The fact that all these women died of direct wounds like this, all of them, that’s strange.”

Gideon hums, leaning back in his chair as he shifts around. “There are no defense wounds either,” he pulls his glasses up. “If you want to talk statistics,” Gideon says, glancing over to Morgan. “Most women are wounded or killed and then burned. To get rid of evidence or as a means of disposal. That is not what he’s doing here.”

Most are killed with bladed weapons but Morgan doesn’t feel the need to add that. It does add to the strangeness but he’s certain if he goes on too much about that Gideon will no longer be amused with his knowledge. So he looks to Hotch, waiting for him to guide them a little more.

“I think Morgan and I can handle this.”

Morgan glares at him. That sounds like an awful idea.

Gideon looks up, though he says nothing, he’s thinking the same thing. For a different reason than Morgan. Gideon knows how Morgan is. He’s a brilliant agent but just like Hotch their aspects of him that need to be worked on. Ironed out. Hotch’s temper is getting there and his need to keep everyone at arm’s length. Morgan has that pesky trust. It’s always trust. Especially his trust in Hotch. Gideon watches their relationship. The way the two men push and pull-- Hotch hesitant to let Morgan near and Morgan just waiting for Hotch to shatter his fragile relationship.

“Go,” Gideon finally decides. “I’m sure I can hold the fort down without you.”

Hotch nods and Morgan just… stares. This is such a bad idea.

Gideon smacks the table, standing with a nod. “Good luck and… best behavior, okay?”

They work well together but not when Morgan’s looking for something to pick apart.

-------------

Fuck Arlington and fuck Hotch.

His best behavior is all he can manage. Reasonably, Morgan knows that if all of his searching turns up nothing then that should lead to the explanation that there is nothing wrong with Hotch. However, the part of him hurt time and time again by men that he trusted… he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Which path will Hotch take?

“Derek!” Hotch knows, more or less, that he’s currently being tested. On what, he’s not certain but he doesn’t try to figure it out. Whatever it, he’s sure he and Morgan will be fine. He smiles, softly and hardly there, and nods his head towards their SUV. “You wanna drive?”

Morgan catches the keys against his chest. Bastard, he thinks. He’s starting to feel bad about the strength of distrust, hate, and pain he’s been to Hotch. He’s not even been helpful to the investigation. If Hotch were anyone else, he’d have pulled Morgan off this case and sent him home.

Morgan doesn’t want to unpack that too much.

“Sheriff, if you and your deputy take the back door, Agent Morgan and I can cover the front.”

And just like that, they’re partnered off and storming into the Unsub’s home. It was an easy enough case. Not too demanding so… naturally, things can’t be that easy. Something has to go wrong.

Hotch sees it first. It has nothing to do with who has more training or who was paying more attention. There’s just this raise the hairs on the back of your arms type of fear that digs into the nerves shooting down his back. A twist in his stomach and this very instinctual, primal knowledge. The type he grew up perfecting. He knows with certainty that the room is bad, dangerous. The same way he could step into his childhood home and feel his father’s drunken belligerence from the door.

“Out!”

Morgan jumps, flinching at the sudden order. For a stunning moment, all he can do is stare back at Hotch.

“Get out!” Hotch reaches out, grabbing Morgan by his shoulders and pushing.

He’s stronger than he looks and Morgan nearly falls with the force. He stumbles, dumbly as he takes a few steps towards the door. All he can see is the sun’s blinding rays right in his eyes, eating the hole of the door like a ring of fire. It’s blinding. The pitch of the ground is purely his imagination. The world keeps spinning and he remains in spot, watching and being herded with the other agents. A cop smashes into his shoulder and all he can hear is Hotch’s voice. Repeating himself he pushes them. Commands they leave.

He lands heavily on the grass, two hands pushing at his back, and he watches-- eyes wide and confused-- as the entire compound goes up.

“No!” He’s disconnected, his mouth open and he can hear his scream tear from his throat, but he doesn’t feel it. Nothing. Just the arms wrapping around his hips and pulling him off his feet, stopping him from blindly throwing himself back towards the fire. The heat of which, even from the distance he’d managed put between them, he can feel painfully licking up his face. “No,” he throws himself like a child in every direction that he can. “No! Aaron! Hotch! Hotch!”

The flames don’t die but whoever is holding him back caves and he’s released. The second that his feet hit the ground he’s tearing off in the direction of the flames. Moving around scattered debris. “Hotch!” He’s searching through the mess. “Hotch, say something, man!” There’s nothing. Just dirt, fire, and soot. Until-- “Fuck!” Morgan tears through the wreckage. One hand raised palm up and that stupid white starched shirt. “Hotch?”

He falls roughly to his knees, kicking up dirt as he does so. His fingers pry at the metal roofing laying across Hotch. Hissing at the heat that blisters his skin and where the warped edge cuts into his fingers. He manages to move it with a loud curse, paying it no more attention. He freezes for a moment-- everything he’s ever learned about first aid is screaming through his head. Hissing out and pouring down his ears. Not a bit of it is any damn good.

“H--Hotch?” With a shaking hand, Morgan presses his fingers under Hotch’s chin, startlingly back when Hotch’s eyes blink open. They’re unfocused, darting as he struggles to keep them open and direct them to a single, solid thing. “Hey, hey,” Morgan greets, shifting so he can lean closer beside him. He presses his palm to Hotch’s cheek, smiling when Hotch’s eyes slowly land on him. “You scared me there for a second,” Morgan whispers, breathlessly, shaking his head.

Pinching his eyes, Hotch groans, turning his head as he writhes in place. He whimpers, a soft sob tearing from his paling lips. Morgan blanches in horror, unable to move, unable to think as Hotch coughs up blood. An alarming amount of blood just pouring out of his mouth. All over the crisp, starched white of his dress shirt. Weak, hardly controlled movement turns frantic and Morgan is frozen in fear as he watches.

Bloodied and an angry red, Hotch’s hands raise to his throat-- hand, while the right scratches deep contusions into the tender skin on his neck the left remains limply pale and unresponsive on the ground. Morgan pulls Hotch’s hand away, working his own finger between the collar of Hotch’s shirt. He’s shaking, terrified. His own hands are uncoordinated and he struggles with the tiny button keeping Hotch’s shirt so tightly pinned.

“Okay, okay,” Morgan pulls Hotch up-- the last thing on his mind the array of spinal related injuries he might be fucking up worse by pulling Hotch up. He pins Hotch to his chest, keeping him from pitching forward as he coughs up large globs of blood. Blood laden drool falling out of his parted blue lips.

Morgan runs his hand across Hotch’s chin, wiping the blood off and then onto his ruined jeans.

“Derek?”

Morgan looks over his shoulder, scanning the field behind him for any sign of help.

“Derek.”

Morgan turns back, “what?”

The dark circles under Hotch’s eyes are made startlingly apparent by the pale, colorless tone of his face. Looking down, Hotch guides Morgan’s gaze to his bloodied right hand, slowly he moves his hands away from his stomach and reveals a thick, crimson stain.

“Fuck.”

Hotch swallows audibly and Morgan can see the haze falling over Hotch’s eyes. Eyelids drooping. Morgan pulls Hotch to his shoulder, letting him rest his cheek there. Unmercifully, Morgan presses into the wound and apologies profusely when Hotch weakly fights against him. Crying softly at the pain. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Morgan tries to shut out his thoughts but it’s futile. All he can think about is how hard Hotch is shaking. His body cool to the touch. Morgan's aware of how naturally cold Hotch runs but his hand-- Hotch’s right limply laying against where Morgan’s keeping pressure on his stomach-- is cold. Like he’s been out in the cold too long.

“Morgan?” Hotch slurs his name out, moving himself slowly like he’s trying to get up.

Morgan effortlessly wraps him back up and pulls him down. Using his own legs to pin Hotch’s hips. An old wrestling trick he’d learned years and years ago on his sisters. At twelves discovering that move had been eye-opening and he’d have no idea that he’d be using it some twenty years later. “Stay still,” Morgan hushes.

“What happened?”

Morgan freezes… “There was an explosion,” he explains, trying to prompt Hotch into remembering. “You got us out, you remember, right? You saw it.”

Hotch doesn’t remember but that confession takes the back burner as paramedics swarm them.

Morgan tries not to panic when Hotch is guided out of his arms and strapped down to the stretcher. They secure his body with straps and Morgan wants to stop them but he knows this is not’ within his control. “It’s okay,” Morgan soothes. Hotch’s eyes are darting madly to keep up with all the changes, his breathing becoming distressed.

The paramedics hoist him up and Morgan follows quickly on shaking legs.

“Easy, Hotch. They’re just trying to help.”

Whimpering Hotch tries to protect his head, knees curling up towards his bruised ribs. His eyes pinched shut, he tries to move away from the EMTs attaching leads to his chest and pushing sedatives into the line they’d started. The hand that Morgan pushes into Hotch’s shoulder, the only thing keeping him from writhing himself off the stretcher, steadies him just the faintest.

“D--Derek?”

Morgan leans down near Hotch, watching the EMT strap his hips down to the stretcher, not liking how squirmy Hotch is getting. “I’m right here,” he promises. He soothes a hand through Hotch’s sweat-soaked hair. Not surprised to find the faintest resistance of dried blood in the strands. “You’re okay, Hotch. We’re taking you to the hospital to get you checked over, okay?”

Hotch’s eyes dart, taking in everything and seemingly nothing. “Don’t,” he pleads softly. “I don’t want to go back--” his sentence is cut off by his strangled cry. His entire body tenses, both hands clutching at his head.

“Agent Hotchner,” one of the paramedics calls. “You’re experiencing some anxiety and mild discomfort. It’s causing your oxygen and blood pressure to elevate so I’m going to give you something to calm you down, okay? It’s going to be much easier to breathe.”

Morgan watches the liquid descend into the IV. Jumping when Hotch growls, shouting hoarsely as it enters his body. He sobs, kicking out as much as he can given his limited freedoms. Morgan is frozen in fear and uncertainty, having no idea what he can do to help. He’s forced to watch Hotch’s fighting die. His breathing deepening from his short pants. His eyelids flutter.

Slowly, his legs fall back down on the stretcher, limply turned outwards. His hand flexes once, twice before his anxious grip on Morgan’s hand falls still.

The paramedic places a mask over Hotch’s face.

Morgan wants to cry as Hotch’s eyes slide over to look at him, no sound leaving his parted lips. Just watching Morgan, silently pleading. “I’m sorry,” he offers.

Hotch’s eyes slip shut, he turns his head away.

“Stay with us Agent Hotchner.”

There’s a loud banging on the side of the ambulance and the doors are thrown open.

“Agent Hotchner approximately mid-thirties, experiancing some mild tachycardia a possible--”

Morgan is following numbly along when two hands plant themselves on his chest. Stopping him in his progression. “I--I--”

The nurse shakes her head, “I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m going to need you to sit in the waiting room. We’ll call you when you can come back.”

Right.

Morgan sits down in the waiting room and pulls out his phone. He’s got to call Gideon and Haley… Oh, God. Haley.

Eventually, they do call him back to see Hotch. It’s nearly four hours later and surrounded by the meager remains of the team and Haley Morgan doesn’t go back. Haley and Gideon do, though Haley does try to get him to come back.

“I’m-- I’m good.”

-------------

“You can’t avoid him forever.”

Derek Morgan is flipping through a magazine in the waiting room of Saint Sebastian's hospital. Without looking up, he knows it’s Haley standing just a few feet away from him. Her body leaned against the opposite wall and arms wrapped around her chest. He doesn’t look at her. Doesn’t pay her any more mind than he has to. “Avoiding who?’ he asks.

Hotch.

Haley pushes herself off the wall and takes the chair beside him. Her trust in him is unwavering and her understanding of him is scarily accurate. “He knows,” she tells Morgan. “He knows that you’re avoiding him and that you’re out here blaming yourself.” She tucks her arms around her chest and leans back in the chair. “It bothers him. Mostly, I think, because he can’t do anything about it.”

She starts to pick at her nails. It’s not just an observation, she knows that’s how he feels. Since most of the sedatives have been lifted, Hotch has been antsy. Easy to work up and harder to calm down. Stuck there in that room, anxiety through the roof, and Derek out of sight-- it’s starting to get to him. They’re steadily working to a point where she’s certain the doctors are going to start sedating him again. Anything to keep him from moving around and getting so worked up.

The nightmares are bad enough.

“It shouldn’t,” is Morgan’s simple reply. “I’m not avoiding him.”

Haley hums. How did she get surrounded by such hard-heads? Her silly husband and the mischief he attracts… Pushing herself up out of the chair, she yawns into her fist. She’s pulled the night shift with Hotch all week. There when he wakes up thrashing and confused from nightmares and still there when he’s hit with insomnia and stairs at the ceiling all night. She’s his only comfort. The first person he cries out for and she sees that look in the other’s eyes.

She knows that not a single one of them wants their names to be yelled. And it is hard to see him like this. So confused and lacking any of the authorities and shields that typically drive him so distant. She lets it go knowing that they will step up in their own turn, they just need time.

“Well,” she rubs her eyes and sighs. “Either way, avoiding him or not. He’s in his room. I’m leaving. No one’s going to be in there for at least two hours.” This is the nail in the coffin: she knows Morgan can’t stand by and do nothing-- “You don’t have to but he hates being alone, won’t admit but it’s true. I’m sure he’ll be relieved if you go in there and sit with him.”

Derek glares at her back.

“Have a good afternoon, Derek.”

Derek Morgan is not avoiding Hotch. He isn’t.

Really.

He isn’t.

He just… can’t go in there.

Hovering just outside the door, fingers brushing against the paper labeling the room as Hotch’s, Morgan stands. He can hear the machines snaking in and out of his friend from here. That heart monitor tracking the pace of his heart and the hiss of the IV line and oxygen canal. Morgan hasn’t even seen Hotch since they were separated in the emergency room. He doubts too much as changed.

Stepping into the room takes an abhorrent amount of courage. It takes, even more, to keep going.

Tired eyes crack open, darting along the room as Hotch struggles to identify the new movement in the room. Seeing Morgan he calms, instantly sinking back into the pillows and the alarm in his eyes calming. Eyelids sliding back into a hazed, sleepy state. “Morgan,” his voice cracks, hoarse from disuse.

He’s got the worst case of bed head Morgan has seen on a human being. His normally gelled into place closely cropped hair is loosely laying wherever it wants on his head. It reminds Morgan of how young Hotch really is. In his prime for a family, no grey hair in sight. Too young to die.

“Hey man.” A little awkward, Morgan takes the seat by his bed. Sitting so his back is against the plastic-- putting as much room as possible between himself and Hotch without it being painfully obvious.

Hotch grunts, clearly disoriented, but not caving to his screaming body. Morgan’s here now and he needs to find it within himself to have this conversation. He just--

Biting down against his pained whimper, Hotch writhes at the pain eating its way through his body. Blinded for too many seconds and only aware of the heat and his body desperately trying to move away from the source of pain. Stiffening and rigid, he can feel his grasp on the situation rapidly dwindling. He holds his breath to try and abate the pain, more of a half-conscious decision that makes his eyes roll back into his head and--

“Hotch!” Morgan looks frantically between Hotch’s limp body and the howling monitors. “Hotch!”

A nurse steps in, stethoscope already making its way to her ears. “Sir, I’m going to need you to leave.” She doesn’t wait for Morgan to listen before hooking her finger in Hotch’s ill-fitting gown top. Pulling it from his torso so she can guide the end of the instrument along his chest.

Hotch’s eyes flutter back open, his breathing hitching at the feeling of the cold metal touching his aching chest. “N-No,” he rasps, trying and failing to get away. He’s too weak, too disoriented to push his body from the nurses. But to him, there is no nurse. Just pain and metal and -- and then…

“Hotch.” Morgan.

His eyes focus slowly. The rest of the world is sinking in. Morgan’s hand on his face and the other gripping his gown sleeve tightly.

“Hey,” Morgan greets, head shaking. “You scared the hell out of me.”

Blinking dumbly, Hotch just looks back at him. The pain is still throbbing. Just behind his ears, this stabbing feeling. As he blinks, the light beaming down at him, he can hardly force his eyes on Morgan. Hardly open them at all. His mouth is dry but he still parts his chapped lips and forces himself to stay here a moment longer. “You… been gone.” He slurs, turning his head he looks around the room. “Couldn’t… couldn’t find you.”

Morgan tries not to let that hit him like a ton of bricks. “I was just…” avoiding you. “I was out thinking. Walking.”

One of those bloodshot eyes is peeled open, a boyish, crooked grin pulling one half of his face up. “Didn’t know you did that,” Hotch whispers, “thinking.”

Morgan rolls his eyes, knowing that if anyone else had said that he would have slugged them in the shoulder. But he’s never once done that to Hotch, not even when he deserved it. Which is really because that’s crossing a line. A playful hit is nothing to the likes of the other men in the office. He might even get by doing it to Garcia or JJ but Hotch is… It’s different. He knows, though he’s not supposed to profile amidst the team, that if he moves too quickly, if he coils back, Hotch will flinch.

Not… it’s just, he doesn’t know how to explain it. He just knows the way Hotch flinches back is different and after observing that the first time, Morgan’s never done it again.

“Shut up,” Morgan grumbles. Softly, he takes Hotch’s right hand, eyes glances to that limp, braced and wrapped left one, before swallowing thickly. “Get some rest, man. I’ll--” the words are coming out so quickly he doesn’t even think about it. “I’ll be here when you wake up, okay? We can talk more.”

Hotch nods, pale lips still cracked open. Drowsily he mumbles, “won’t… won’t go running off on me?”

Morgan squeezes his hand, “no. No, I’ll stay.”

“...k…”

-------------

Morgan wakes and immediately blushes hard at the state of the room. His only comfort is that Hotch is also sleeping but even then, Hotch is drugged and injured. Morgan clears his throat as he sits up, looking around the room. Watching the other’s seemingly unaware of him. Which is also a relief. It’s unnerving to be asleep in a room full of awake people.

“I brought everyone tea,” JJ offers softly. She’s got the cups in a cardboard holder, shyly showing them. “I got Agent Hotchner Earl Grey,” she tells Haley. “It’s probably too hot for him to have and I don’t even know if he can--”

Haley stands, there’s this ease about her that Morgan has always been in awe of. She’s so gentle, effortlessly. The kind of hospitality and love that makes anyone near her calm and Morgan has always easily understood exactly what it is that draws a man like Hotch to her. Hotch is just six feet of pent up nerves. Morgan’s always enjoyed being privy to their relationship. To see Haley’s instinctual grounding of Hotch.

“He hates it when you call him Agent Hotchner,” Haley chides softly. She presses her hand into JJ’s arm, a simple comforting gesture. “And I’m sure he’ll appreciate the tea.”

Morgan feels a knot form in his throat. He’d stupidly assumed Hotch had asked JJ to call him Agent Hotchner and what a silly thing to think. God, why has he been so keen to find something to hate about Hotch? Why does he want to start something so bad with him?

“Tea?”

Morgan looks up and JJ’s tilting the box his way, offering him the last remaining one. He takes the tea with the nod of his head, rubbing his eye with the other. “Sure, thanks.”

“Is Hotch gonna be alright?” Garcia asks.

Morgan gets transfixed in watching Garcia scratch at the cup. Her brightly painted nails against the brown of the cup. Again, he’d accused Hotch, in his head, of misogyny. This idea that Hotch might unequally treat JJ and Garcia than him and Gideon but… Was it not Hotch who bought Garcia that exact shade of neon pink on her nails, right now?

He’d showed it to Morgan that morning in the office. The day before the director had commented on Garcia’s attire and implied that it would be considered unprofessional. She’d looked heartbroken and Hotch shattered just to see that but she’d changed. And the next day had come in slacks and a button up shirt that just looked… so unlike her. So Hotch had gone out on his lunch break in search of something, anything to make her look more like herself.

And it’s Hotch who despite Gideon warning him against it, has been fighting everyday since to allow Garcia to wear what she wants. Together, she’s acquired the perfect little style that walks the line. She’s professionally dressed just brightly so.

Morgan’s so enraptured that he misses that the room’s attention has mostly turned to beside him. He sits up, attentively taking in Hotch’s appearance. His head is turned, looking at Haley. Watching her and listening to whatever it is that she’s whispering. Morgan’s heart pounds in his chest when he hears Hotch rasp his name.

“He’s right beside you,” Haley promises, brushing her fingers through her husband’s hair. “He’s right here, Aaron. He didn’t go anywhere.”

Hotch turns, eyes moving over Gideon, JJ, and Garcia. “You stayed,” he smiles when he sees Morgan.

Hotch is looking back at him, far more there than he had been some few hours ago. He’s still beaten to hell and Morgan can’t fathom why it is that he’d just assume that Hotch would magically heal with a few hours sleep. “I promised, didn’t I?” he manages.

Hotch raises an eyebrow and hums in agreeance and Morgan is glad for that minimal interaction. The first real proof that the real Hotch is back.

“Want some tea?” Haley offers.

Hotch shakes his head. He clears his throat and pushes at the blanket pulled up to his chest. “Gotta use the bathroom.”

Morgan stands up, numbly falling into the same pattern as everyone else. Gideon moves the chairs in between the bed from the bathroom. JJ helping Haley pull the blankets out of his way. Morgan pulls down the guardrail.

“Easy,” Haley whispers. She uses her own hands to brace his body as Hotch sits up. Slowly, they work his legs over the side and he just needs to stand up. “Do you want me or--”

“Morgan,” Hotch whispers, smally. He looks up vulnerably and Morgan doesn't hesitate to slide in beside him.

Morgan wraps his arm around Hotch’s hip, holding tightly to the wrist Hotch has over his shoulder. “Alright,” Morgan whispers to himself. “Are you sure?”

Hotch nods, “I trust you.”

Morgan stops. He swallows thickly and glances up at Hotch before nodding. “Okay.” I trust you. “One step at a time,” Morgan assures. Though, he’s not sure if he’s talking to himself or Hotch. One step at a time. Morgan’s not so sure but Hotch is confident that eventually the two of them will be alright. Trust is hard but it has to be earned and Hotch is willing to do anything to earn Morgan’s trust.

“Almost there.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #criminal minds fanfiction #hotch whump

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baoshan-sanren · 4 years

Text

Chapter 55

Emperor Wei WuXian And His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Birthday

Google Docs file

“I want to see A-Yuan.”

WangJi suppresses a sigh, and makes no response.

Jiang WanYin, who has likely never suppressed a single thing in his life, bristles like a cat, “Are you deaf, as well as stupid? The Lan Sect Leader has ordered that you rest. Granny Wen has ordered that you rest. You are not going.”

Slumped against the pillows, Wei Ying does appear feeble and weak, his body motionless in a way that suggests an exhaustion too deep for needless activity. It had taken a long time to remove all the trappings of rank necessary for the audience he had held. It had not taken nearly as long as the initial preparation, but long enough where even Lady Jiang had looked worn down by the process. WangJi’s task during this time had involved standing on the other side of the screen, listening to the faint mutters, and being handed layers upon layers of silk. The disrobing process had resulted in a succession of whispering, slithering sounds, both of silk against silk, and silk against Wei Ying’s skin, sounds that will doubtlessly haunt him in his dreams.

He is not precisely tired, but he is beginning to feel brittle in an unfamiliar way. The day had been long and stressful, allowing no time for contemplation and reflection. There will be consequences to the assistance the Lan Sect had provided to the Emperor. There will be consequences to such a blatant attack on the Divine Ruler, and these consequences may range anywhere from a set of executions, to an outright war. There will be consequences to Wei Ying’s actions today, the audience he had held, his defense of Wen RuoHan, his order for the immediate release of the Wen Sect from the Imperial dungeons.

Only days ago, WangJi would have disregarded the majority of these events as issues beyond his scope of understanding and responsibility, but today, he cannot. Soon enough, this will be his world as well. The Second Young Master of a disgraced Sect need only obey. The Emperor Consort must understand the complexities of ruling an Empire, the consequences of each decision made, the hierarchy governing the sect relations, and the full scope of the delicate balancing act that keeps the Empire peaceful and prosperous.

This is the cost of marrying Wei Ying, a price that WangJi is more than willing to pay. But it is a cost made no less overwhelming by his willingness.

Wei Ying’s expression turns stubborn, “He is alone among strangers, thinking I am on my death bed. I want to see him.”

“Wei WuXian,” Jiang WanYin says tightly, “if you can get up right now and walk out of this palace on your own two feet, you can go see A-Yuan, or go straight to hell for all I care.”

Lady Jiang may have acquiesced to his request, but she had taken her leave. The Imperial guards could have been ordered to carry Wei Ying anywhere he desires to go, but this would defeat the purpose of keeping the child hidden.

Wei Ying had been ordered to sleep.

WangJi thinks, if he could only be persuaded to close his eyes and stop speaking for a moment, the exhaustion he is trying so hard to ignore would accomplish the rest.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whines, turning his head, his eyes large and shining, “I want to see A-Yuan.”

Wisps of hair are stuck to his cheek, curving around the line of his jaw. His face is pale, but his lips are no longer bloodless, hovering just on the verge of a pout. WangJi knows that this is an expression Wei Ying has used before; he has seen it turned on Lady Jiang, and he has seen it throughly shatter her resolve. He remembers thinking Lady Jiang too easily swayed by such obvious tactics. He remembers thinking that he, himself, would never fold so easily by a mere hint of a pout.

WangJi is a fool. Love must permanently remove the most essential parts of one’s brain, because he can say absolutely nothing in response to Wei Ying’s plea.

Instead, his mind unhelpfully provides the memory of Wei Ying’s braid coiled in his lap. Wei Ying’s temple pressed to the side of his neck. The rich scent of ripe pears. The curve of Wei Ying’s waist through the heavy silk of the Imperial dragon robes.

Underneath these memories, his mind is hopelessly sifting through possible solutions to the issue. Wei Ying most certainly can not walk out of the palace on his own two feet. He can not cross his own chambers without being supported, and would likely need to be carried any longer distances. A-Yuan cannot be brought to him, as the situation at court is still dangerously tense, and the child must remain hidden.

“If you attempt this,” WangJi says carefully, “you will fall ill before you reach him. It will scare the child, to see you so weak. But if you must go see him, I will carry you.”

Jiang WanYin splutters.

Wei Ying’s eyes widen.

The expression on his face, the baffled disbelief slowly melting into a familiar softness, is so open, so transparent, that WangJi feels his own face heat in response. He is suddenly finding the embroidery on Wei Ying’s bed curtains extremely fascinating.

“You are both right,” Wei Ying says after a few moments, “I should not go tonight. Tomorrow is soon enough.”

“Ugh,” Jiang WanYin says, “Now I feel ill too. Just go to sleep.”

“You leave first,” Wei Ying says, “I want to speak to Lan Zhan.”

Jiang WanYin makes a noise. It is a wordless one, but it still manages to perfectly express a hefty dose of disgust. He leaves quickly, as if afraid that Wei Ying will begin to speak to Lan Zhan before he has managed to make his exit.

Wei Ying reaches out, but seems to do so unthinkingly, the motion immediately interrupted by a hiss of pain. Perhaps the wrist injury is not the most serious one he had suffered, but WangJi has noticed him forget that particular pain often enough, where each resurgence catches him by surprise. In two steps, he finds himself by the bed, but once there, he is forced to stop and practice some self-restraint.

“You promised to be more careful,” he says, “The Head Healer should have strapped that arm to your chest.”

He means it as an admonishment, but his voice does a poor job conveying anything other than worry.

“It does not hurt,” Wei Ying lies with a smile, “Come sit next to me. That way, I do not need to move much.”

Only moments ago he had insisted that he is well enough to visit A-Yuan. Now, he is too weak to move on his own, and must have WangJi sit by his side.

WangJi wonders why these brazen tactics, which would be abhorrent in anyone else, are so irresistibly appealing when employed by Wei Ying. He wonders if there is anything about Wei Ying that will ever be unappealing. He is, again, forced to consider the possibility that love makes one unbearably stupid, and that this is precisely why he has already moved to sit down by Wei Ying, without giving the consequences of such action any further thought.

Wei Ying reaches for him again, the moment he has settled on the side of the bed, and WangJi takes his hand carefully, supporting the splinted wrist with his palm.

“You said you would not move.”

“I forgot,” Wei Ying says shamelessly, his fingers warm against WangJi’s pulse.

“You should sleep,” WangJi admonishes.

“I will,” Wei Ying says quickly, “but I have not-- had the chance to speak to you. After-- the Gifting Ceremony.”

His gaze lowers to their joined hands, fingers restless against WangJi skin, despite the fact that even this small movement must pain him.

“A great deal has happened,” he goes on, the words rushed, “There is so much I was not aware of before. About YanLing DaoRen, and his use of resentful energy, and this-- apparent affinity for demonic cultivation present in his descendants. The Lan Sect takes pride in the purity of their cultivation techniques. Over the centuries, they alone have remained unblemished by unorthodox practices.”

He falls silent then, letting WangJi try and make sense of the words on his own. This feels much akin to Wei Ying’s proposal, where WangJi must separate the words, then place them in a different order, just to discern the meaning behind them.

Once he does, however, he feels frustration and fondness flood him in equal measures.

“I still want to marry you, Wei Ying.”

“You--“ Wei Ying shifts, “Are you not worried? This affinity does not bother you?”

“Will you begin practicing demonic cultivation?” WangJi counters.

“What? Of course not!”

“Then it does not matter,” WangJi says firmly.

“How can it not matter?” Wei Ying says, agitated, “YanLing DaoRen nearly destroyed the Empire. He slaughtered thousands. How can you be sure that his madness will not become my own?”

WangJi, prepared to call his assertion utter nonsense that it is, pauses before speaking. It had not occurred to him that Wei Ying would be so throughly rattled by Nie HuaiSang’s revelation.

In retrospect, it seems obvious that this had to have been the purpose of Xue ChengMei’s story. To sow doubts and fears, not just in Wei Ying, but in all those closest to the Emperor. A filthy tactic, meant to cause chaos and uncertainty. It is no wonder that Song ZiChen had demanded no one speak to the boy.

“Wei Ying,” WangJi says carefully, “You are not YanLing DaoRen. I am not Lan ZhongYi. We exist under the shadow of those who came before us, and bear the burdens they have placed on our shoulders. But we are not them.”

Wei Ying’s breath stutters, his fingers pressing against WangJi’s wrist.

“But--“

“We spoke of Lan ZhongYi, and the reasons behind his actions. Do you remember what I said to you?”

“My mother did not kill Xu XiaoYun,” Wei Ying says softly.

“And I did not kill the Empress,” WangJi responds.

The words feel much lighter than he had imagined they could be, if ever spoken out loud.

Wei Ying falls silent, a rare enough occurrence where WangJi allows it to happen. There are now dark shadows under his eyes, and it takes a great deal of restraint not to issue another reminder about the necessity for rest, and long, uninterrupted sleep. Perhaps Wei Ying’s stubbornness requires a different type of approach. WangJi is starting to believe that any firm insistence on a specific course of action is more likely to propel Wei Ying in a completely opposite direction. This is something that will require further thought.

“You still want to marry me?” Wei Ying says, the corner of his mouth now slightly lifted, an expression that is not quite serious, but not quite teasing either.

“Yes,” WangJi says, “I still want to marry you.”

Wei Ying grins, shifting a little closer, “Will you allow me to make the announcement? Before the Lan Sect departs?”

WangJi is certain that the events of the last few days have already reached Cloud Recesses. The delay to consult with the Elders seems pointless now, as the rumors of the betrothal have been running rampant since the last Sect Leader meeting. Uncle’s actions, during and after the Gifting Ceremony, must have only served to reinforce these rumors.

It is difficult to decide which course of action will result in greater impropriety. An immediate announcement, or a lengthy delay, during which the entire court will ruthlessly judge his every interaction with the Emperor. The Emperor who is wholly unashamed of expressing his affection, and insists on behaving as if they are already betrothed.

WangJi sighs, “You must obtain uncle’s approval for the announcement.”

“Will you come and visit A-Yuan with me tomorrow?”

WangJi nods. It is a small enough request, and he is fond enough of the child where a visit would not be a chore.

“Will you spend the night?”

“Wei Ying!”

It is unbearable, the sheer number of times Wei Ying can make his face heat in a single day. How can an Emperor be so utterly shameless?

“Ahh, Lan Zhan, do not be angry. I only meant that you should stay in the Imperial chambers. What if I were to fall ill during the night and need assistance?”

Carefully, WangJi places his hand back down, and rises from the bed, “If this is the case, we should summon the Head Healer right now, and request that she spend the night in the Imperial chambers.”

Wei Ying splutters, “Wait-- that--“

“I would not want to take the chance of you falling ill during the night.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whines, “Why are you so cruel? Can I not ask my future husband to spend the night with me?”

“No, you may not.”

“What if I were to find myself unable to sleep, and in need of company?”

“Summon the Royal Companion. I am sure he will be equal to the task.”

“But--“

WangJi bows deeply, “Good night, Your Majesty. I will take my leave now.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying’s voice follows him out into the hall, “Hey, Lan Zhan! Wait!”

WangJi closes the door behind him, and turns to the nearest guard, “His Majesty requires the presence of the Royal Companion. And the Head Healer.”

The guard does not question the order.

#the untamed #cql #mdzs #ficlet #m #wwx emperor au #wangxian #wei wuxian is whiny #lan wangji is mortified #jiang cheng hates them both #we're gonna check on xue yang next #then find out what nie mingjue has planned #at least one person will die by the last chapter #but they will have deserved it #thank you for all the nice comments guys #ily chickens

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purplerose244 · 3 years

Text

Irrational - Chapter 4: Study

Fourth day of the @spacecampweek, here I come! We’re talking ‘Freckles’! 😍

This is a short, fluffy one, with the participation of head over heels Seamus and oblivious Krel! Enjoy!! 💙💙

Summary: It had started as a random subject of a research during his free time. It had turned into a realization science could hardly explain.

Read it on the AO3

Krel was finally ready to put an end to this.

After all, at first, it had been all abound finding a way to pass time while Mrs. Janeth explained her limited understanding of math to the class. In all honesty, it could had been anyone else in that room, every single human might had caught his eyes during his desperate effort to find something interesting to do. It had turned out to be him probably because having another person besides himself appearing this bored – to the point of falling asleep, impressive – had been almost comforting. Giving a look had been normal, staring a natural consequence.

Then, he had noticed them.

Despite what absolute new environment was this planet, he had taken his time to discover a bit about this place. It had turned out that biological bodies possessed quite the variety of features, and those red dots were only a minuscule part of it. They were called ‘freckles’, defined as extra patches of coloring or pigment under the skin: a hereditary trait, typical of humans with clear skin and called ephelides by professional human healers. They apparently emerged as an over product of melanin, and they reacted to ultraviolet radiation – if their morning star was such a problem, how come they had not worked on a planetary shield yet? Ay ay ay, these humans.

Even with this knowledge and the awareness that it was nothing more than a few points, Krel hadn’t been able to look elsewhere. There was something fascinating about seeing theory applied into reality, even for a matter as simple as this – besides, anything was better than this lesson.

It had started like this.

Then, it had become a constant. A regular occurrence to hold on to.

His life was the very opposite of normal, his existence alone would have gained him that infamous ‘weirdo’ nickname even without his own apparently unnatural personality. There had been hardly a time where he had the benefit of having something to hold onto, his sister was his rock but with the arising danger the risk of losing her as well as their parents had made him grown restless. His mind was too much sometimes, highlighting every single thought. He had needed a distraction.

A study.

Of course, it was so simple! There was clearly a reason why that freckled face was so captivating to him, he needed to research, as always! When something other than fixing their ship to go back home had made its way into his mind, life had turned out to be a little less stressful.

Getting a good look at Seamus during lunch was awfully easy, the blonde himself always seemed interested in him – not sure why, perhaps Krel’s way of eating was almost too human like –, and it seemed like every time those red points doubled. He was sure of it, even during the skelteg situation, seeing him run away had been enough to notice the change – that occurrence had been particular, especially since Mary had given him such a smirk, was she aware of his experiment? –, concluding that there was definitely something going on. Between bounty hunters and school, the chances to take a look had been quite numerous, to the point he had noticed Seamus staring back sometimes, a scowl on his face – hard to tell if it was threatening or his natural expression.

Then the math duel had happened, some pleasantries had been exchanged, the subject had turned out to be someone he might had been interested even as a friend – hearing him looking at him in amazement later in Battle of the Bands had definitely helped –, yet somehow Krel had managed to forget to check on his face the entire time. Which was ridiculous, since he had been unable to think of anyone else but him, even after the delson was over.

What was worse, observation had turned out to be extremely difficult from that moment forward.

It was clear, the blonde was now aware of his study and was doing his best to prevent him from doing it. That had involved covering his face, turning away from him when he was around, and most of all activating biological defense mechanisms. Turning his face red in order to hide his pigments, a truly advanced tactic.

Luckily it worked only when Seamus noticed him staring. Seeing his freckles over his nice, relaxed, pink skin was quite the moment. Even a pleasant one.

More delsons had passed… more than they were supposed to.

Krel was still not back to Akiridion-5. They were still not home.

Not only that, but everything in his life was crumbling. Morando was still out there plotting who knew what, the Mothership was grounded with little chance to go back to fly, Varvatos was a traitor and had almost died for them and now had disappeared. It was piling all over, one brick over the other, it was getting hard to deal with everything. Aja had said it was going to be okay and that had been nice at first, but somehow infuriating later. What did she know? What if it wasn’t? what if it wasn’t going to work out, and they were only stalling the inevitable??

At the end, behind all of these problems, all uncertainties about the future, everything came down to this stupid, insignificant thought into his mind, the one that kept making him inevitably interested into that guy. His own most serious issues weren’t going to be solved anytime soon. If he could at least stop stressing over one thing, it was going to be for the best. It had started as a way to spend free time, but now… he was afraid of what it implied.

Steve had been useful for once, explaining to him where to find Seamus – “Good luck lovebird!”, he did not need that name after the birdie encounter. The theatre was not very crowded for now, he had been able to lean against the wall to wait without being bothered by humans. Today it felt like he could had lost his patience very easily.

At some point a group of guys exited the building, blues eyes crossed his.

There they were, those freckles. They were more than ever. He truly didn’t understand what was happening, why couldn’t he give it a rest and- ah, there it was again, that defense ability of his. Biological beings were such a mystery.

“Tarron?” Seamus blinked at him, confused. “Huh, uhm, hi, what are you doing here?” His friends waved at him with little grins, leaving them alone.

Krel breathed out, feeling the weight of everything ease a little from his shoulders. Huh.

“I am here for an experiment. I have been conducting it for some time now, I am sure you have noticed.” Judging from his confusion it seemed not, which made no sense considering his responding attention to his movements. “I have a certain fascination towards an aspect on you, and I would like to conduct one last test before leaving out the question once and for all. I am dealing with a difficult situation, I do not want any other problems getting in the way.”

“Problems…? Wait, f-fascination?” Oh, apparently there was no limit on how red this human could get. If only he wasn’t there to end his research he would have gladly tried to pick on this new topic. “F-for me? Huh, I mean… what experiment?”

“I will need you to stay still for me. I promise I will not harm you.”

“Whatever you wa- I mean, uhm, s-sure no problem!” Seamus was still staring, a little red, nodding his head. He looked in a way Krel couldn’t described. Not bad. Very nod bad.

“Very good. With your permission.”

It was only a study. He had weirder stuff in the past, especially during his skelteg interest phase – he had enough of those bugs for now –, this was nothing. Observation had brought him nothing, there was a chance tact was going to be useful and lips were the most sensible part of the human body. It only made sense, so he held Seamus’ cheeks and pressed his mouth over his freckles, between his eyes and his nose. Nothing. No difference in texture, nothing he could reasonably conclude. There really was no point into his tests. Despite the feeling of failure, there was something pleasant into touching warm human skin like this.

When he pulled away, a wave of shame hit him, as this problem wasn’t going to be solved and was going to be add to all the others. Then he looked up, seeing the freckles disappear once again, and the largest grin he had ever seen appear.

Seamus was giggling, eyes glimmering.

“That… that was… eheh.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “… nice.”

“Nice? Really?” Krel was confused. Was his failure a joy for others? This human couldn’t be that cruel. “It is good to know I guess, because my study was a complete failure.”

“Your what now?”

“It does not matter… I should go.”

“What?! No, wait!” Humans could be quite swift. Even strong, at least judging from the way Seamus had clawed his shoulders. “You didn’t! I mean, I have no idea what this is about, but it wasn’t a failure, I promise!” There was still no trace of the freckles. It felt like this entire experience was place outside his comfort zone, Krel was starting to shake. Curiously… he didn’t hate it. “I liked that, I swear, I’ve been thinking about doing stuff like that with you for a while now!”

Krel widened his eyes. Stuff like that? Stuff like what? Checking the subject of his study? Allowing others to perform tests on him? Why was this confusing, he was never confused!

“I don’t understand…”

“You kissed me, you do understand! And it felt good, and I would like to do it more!”

Kissed?… wait.

“It felt good? Really?” Seamus nodded vividly, looking like he was dying to be understood. But… but that was ridiculous, it was only a brush between human skins. How could it be something pleasant to experience? “Does it truly feel this nice?

Seamus widened his eyes. He swallowed, stepping closer.

The prince felt a sudden wave of tension hit him.

“Yeah, it does. It’s like, well…” The blonde swallowed again, slowly holding up his chin. “It’s… it’s probably clearer through practice than theory.” His finger was shaking. Krel was also shaking. His blue eyes were getting closer and closer, bigger and deeper, something he had always known from the very beginning. Huh. Perhaps he didn’t notice his freckles alone. A sekton later they were closed, and the prince felt a pressure over his cheek. His entire body was enveloped by flames. His mind was emptied, finally free from pressure and pain. “… s-so?” Seamus was looking again, still with those enormous eyes, expecting a conclusion.

Krel was frozen. Oh. Huh. That was new. Feeling stupid. That was very new.

Those freckles were never multiplying, nor they were particularly engaging on a scientific level. They were Seamus’, he was getting closer. That had always made the difference.

A little smile arrived, because at last, he did have one answer.

“You’re right, it does feel nice.”

Seamus breathed out, looking relieved and so, so happy. So very endearing.

“Good. Great, awesome, I mean…” He reached out for him again, embracing him, close to his chest. Krel could hear his human heart. It was beating. What a very fascinating topic again. “D-does this mean the experiment is still on? Are you still gonna watch me during math class and all those times?” He did notice. He really was smart. Perhaps he wasn’t completely accurate at determining exactly the topic of the research, but he was close enough. Krel really liked that aspect of him. “Because, well, in case you want to go beyond observation and deepening the study, we could, I don’t know…” He laughed nervously, his hold tightening. “Uhm, deepening the research? Maybe d-during lunch or something?”

It felt like reaching a very high point in science. It felt like at least one thing was going right into his life. He was right, the research was still very much open and able to develop, it only had a wider subject now: the entirety of the Seamus Johnson.

The prince slowly smiled, welcoming the feeling of warmth over his face.

“I’d like that.”

#space camp #space camp week #toa space camp #kreamus #krel x seamus #toa kreamus #krel tarron #seamus johnson #tales of arcadia #toa #toa fic #toa fanfiction #fanfiction #toa 3below #3below

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