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murder-popsicle · 2 years

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STUDY: BUCKY BARNES

— basics.

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? Pretty tall for a woman at 5′11.

▸ are they okay with their height? She was self-conscious about it when she was younger, but now she’s okay with it.

▸ what’s their hair like? Dark brown and naturally curly, though she sometimes straightens it.

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/grooming? It depends. Nowadays, if she’s not doing anything special she just washes and combs it. For missions and training, she keeps it braided. She’ll style it for more formal events. When she was younger, she was much more fashion-conscious and very finicky about her hair.

▸ does your muse care about their appearance/what others think? When she was growing up, Bucky was very tuned-in to what was and wasn’t fashionable. Now, she values being clean and presentable, but she isn’t so concerned with what other people think about her looks.

— preferences.

▸ indoors or outdoors? indoors ▸ rain or sunshine? sunshine ▸ forest or beach? beach ▸ precious metals or gems? metals ▸ flowers or perfumes? flowers ▸ personality or appearance? personality ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? both can be nice ▸ order or anarchy? order ▸ painful truths or white lies? painful truths ▸ science or magic? science ▸ peace or conflict? peace ▸ night or day? day ▸ dusk or dawn? dusk ▸ warmth or cold? cold ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? a few close friends ▸ reading or playing a game? reading

— questionnaire.

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? Overprotective, ruthless, sometimes a little too pragmatic. She’s not great at handling negative emotions like guilt or anger; she tends to bottle them up and try to ignore them, which isn’t a particularly healthy strategy.

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? Yes. The Barnes family lost Bucky’s infant brother, Joseph, to SIDS when Bucky was six years old. They lost her (at the time) youngest sister Eileen to influenza when Bucky was eleven; Eileen died in her sleep in the same bedroom as her three older sisters, and Bucky was the one who woke up in the middle of the night and discovered that Eileen was no longer breathing.

She lost several friends from the 107th during the war. The worst for her was Ruth Jones, who was Bucky’s closet friend in the unit. Ruth was a smart woman with a truly wicked sense of humor, and she was blown apart by a shell a few weeks before the unit was captured at Azzano.

She lost the rest of her family during her years with HYDRA, though she didn’t know it at the time. Her father, her mother, her sisters, and her close extended family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) all died while she was held captive.

She lost Natasha, for a time. When General Karpov discovered that the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow were romantically involved, he forcibly separated them and had all of the Winter Soldier’s memories of Natasha removed.

She lost herself for decades, too. Not sure if that counts for the purposes of this question.

Sometimes she feels like there’s some force in the universe that is determined not to let her keep anyone she loves. It’s like a great wave cresting over her, and someday it’ll crash down and take away Steve and Natasha and everyone else she cares for, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. She’s trapped waiting for it to hit.

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? Growing up during the Great Depression wasn’t easy, and Bucky’s family definitely had their share of struggles. But Bucky never doubted that she and her sisters were loved. She has a lot of fond memories of her life in Brooklyn – of pulling pranks with her sisters, going to mass with her parents, reading books with her father, and learning to cook from her mother and her Aunt Mo. She went dancing with her friends, and went to baseball games with Steve, and had good relationships with her neighbors. She cherishes her memories of the happy moments.

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? Yes. Even during the war, she found killing to be much easier than she expected it to be, and she worried that it maybe should have bothered her more than it did. But it was war; someone had to stop the Nazis and HYDRA. Bucky was in a position to do it, so she did.

She regrets all the innocent people she killed for HYDRA. But she is, in general, very pragmatic about death – maybe too pragmatic. As far as she’s concerned, sometimes, to solve a problem, someone has to die. That’s just how it is.

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? Yes. She trusts Steve. She trusts Natasha. She trusts Sam. She trusts @oftomorrow‘s Clark Kent.

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? Soft. So soft. Bucky is a very sweet and devoted girlfriend. She likes to spoil and pamper her lovers – cook for them, cuddle with them, give them massages, that kind of thing.

stolen from: myself tagging: @oftomorrow, @bokketo (Stevie and/or Nat), @invncibleiron, @nerdybirdboy, @wingedshield, @dontrequireyourhelp, @lovelostdelinquent, @dearlybelovad, @abrooklynboy, @symbioteburnout, @despair-with-walnuts, @knowseverythingaboutyou

#meme answers #dash games #headcanon #hc list #child mortality cw

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starcchild · 1 year

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How does Carter interact with the Avengers in the IKAU?

((aside from keeping her distance, she's... civil. Carter wants to get along with them, but Obadiah convinced her that she can't trust them, that they don't actually care about her, and it's something that she's not going to unlearn in a day. But, despite her not trusting them/refusing to let herself get close to them, she isn't actively hostile with any of them, and... does get along with them at times? During aou, for example, she genuinely has a good time during the party before Ultron crashes it, and during the events of the first Avengers movie, before Obadiah really starts cracking down on his control over her/the Iron Man suit, she gets along with them well enough then! She's shy and a little awkward, but she's also 15 so it's easy to be chalked up to that - but she does admire them! She also cares a lot about all of them, even when it's... not at all clear she even likes any of them. She cares so much about them, even despite believing they don't care about her, and won't hesitate to lay her life down to save them. She wants to do them good but feels like she can't, and doesn't... really know how to show she cares when she's afraid of them.

another issue she has when being unable to get along with them is the fact that some of them knew Obadiah personally. So, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Steve, and Thor all knew Obadiah, and Carter fully believes he manipulated them into hating her more than she already believes they do, which is why she tends to get along a little bit easier with those who didn't know him, because they weren't manipulated by him. She doesn't understand that sort of thinking is more in her head and from Obadiah manipulating her, but that's another story, ahah. But... yeah! overall, she cares deeply for all of them but doesn't know how to show it, and struggles to understand/accept that they genuinely want to help her/care about her, but she's driving them away both intentionally and unintentionally.

I do wanna say that she might get along with Steve the least, though? She definitely admires him at first and doesn't have that ego thing against him like Tony does in canon, but when she finds out the Winter Soldier was responsible for the deaths of her grandparents and father, and that Steve knew about it and didn't tell her... definitely fucks up her ability to trust him. Now, Carter can separate Bucky from the Winter Soldier even in the ikau, so she doesn't fight them like Tony does in cacw, but... it still hurts, and still doesn't make it feel any less of a betrayal that Steve kept that information from her, and she had to find out from Zemo. I mean, not that that was Steve's intention, buuut... it still doesn't look good. And that in general worsens her ability/inability to trust the Avengers as a whole, since she doesn't know if the others are also hiding things from her and/or if they others also knew about Bucky and didn't bother telling her, and it just kinda,,, snowballs from there, with her leaving the Avengers (in the rewrite, at least), though it does become a good thing because it gets her to get help for... everything, and gets her heading on a better path in general. I do see her, later down the line, reconciling with all of them, including Steve, and finally being able to connect with all of them fully, though! She just needs time and proper help.

also, I do like keeping this somewhat vague just for more freedom in threads! That way it can absolutely vary from thread to thread with how she perceives/gets along with any of the Avengers, but the overall mistrust she has will still be there.

#asks #anons #ground control (ooc)#ikau things #abuse tw #death mention tw

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schlattsdoll · 3 years

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hi i rlly liked the hcs of CE and his character fav position and kinks, do you think you could do one like that for seb? <3

of course i can!! 💛 i put seb up first so those who don’t like reading for him can scroll past it easier !

sebastian stan

favorite position: missionary

now i feel like seb loves good ol’ fashion missionary because he craves intimacy, he loves you so much and that’s the best way. he loves to take his time with you

kinks

ok so when he’s got longer hair, absolutely loves when you pull it. especially when he’s in between your legs, if you pull his hair, he’s moaning into your cunt and making damn well sure you cum

i feel like seb would like it if you rode his face? he just seems like the type to be into that idk

he’s a massive tease, it’s borderline torture. on red carpets when you’re with him, he’s got his hands on your ass when no one can see. he whispers in your ear all the stuff he wants to do to you when you get back to the hotel

he’s not vanilla, but not too kinky. this being said, he will try anything once

the winter soldier

yes, i am doing this separate from bucky, and hear me out on why

favorite position: n/a

the soldat doesn’t give a fuck where you are, if he wants you, he’s taking you. you’ve been pinned against many a wall, bathroom stall, hood of a car. literally anywhere he can take you.

kinks

fair warning; this are all gonna be pretty dark

so, knife play, duh. winter loves to tease you with his raw strength, the threat of how strong he really is hanging in front of you

total control. even while brainwashed by hydra, you are the one person to fully submit to him and give him what he needs so desperately when he can barely make a choice for himself.

definitely a fan of hypnosis or cnc? , again, it’s a control thing. he loves knowing that even though hydra can control his every move, he can do the same to you.

bucky barnes

favorite position: missionary or doggy

bucky’s old fashioned, he absolutely loves to see all of you, he thinks you’re the most ethereal being alive.

this being said, i feel like tfatws era would love to be rougher with you because he’s not afraid of his strength, and that’s when you end up in his bed, face down ass up, screaming his name

kinks

the knife kink is still there, just not as much as it was before

bucky still definitely loves a power dynamic, but not in the same way. he’d probably love a brat or a little, i can see him wanting to protect his girl at all costs

bucky is a little shit, he’s a massive tease and knows how to get you going in public. you’re shocked when he brings up getting you a vibrator he can control from his phone

call him sarge in bed, he absolutely loves it. it started out playful, but you realized he missed his power as a military man, and who are you to deny him what he so truly wants?

lance tucker

favorite position: some weird ass gymnastics pose or doggy

do i need to explain ? go watch that scene from the movie and you’ll know what i mean

doggy style is so impersonal, perfect for when you don’t really care about your partner. lance does care about you, he just still prefers doggy.

kinks

mirror kink, this man is so full of himself. he can’t tell who he likes watching more; you or himself

he definitely tried to get you to call him your god, but when that didn’t work out you quickly found out he has a thing for being called coach.

degradation, lance will call you the most vile things and then tell you he loves you afterwords.

i feel like he’d like public sex, i just get that vibe from him.

#sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #40s!bucky #winter soldier x reader #lance tucker #lance tucker imagine #lance tucker smut

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yawchannel · 3 years

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INTERVIEW: The Falcon And The Winter Soldier for SFX Magazine (Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan Part) (Issue 337, February 24th, 2021)

By Tara Bennett

WING MAN

Anthony Mackie is Sam Wilson / Falcon

SFX: You’ve admitted that initially you weren’t sure on the idea of doing an MCU Series. Why?

ANTHONY: To be honest, I’ve had trepidation from the beginning. I was really afraid of the idea. Working on so many Marvel projects, and seeing the end result and the effect that they have on people, I was afraid that the quality of the production would be taken down for television. I was afraid that you can’t do things on television that you can do in theatres.

Seeing people’s reactions to Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame in the theatres, and hearing the connection that the audience members have with these characters... that’s every actor’s dream, to affect an audience and expose them to a different way of looking at culture and the world around us. I was really afraid that I wouldn’t have that opportunity to step out on that ledge like the actors before me had.

But once we talked, and once they brought on Malcolm and Kari, I knew it was going to be something different. Kari is a phenomenal leader, and Malcolm is an amazing writer. And Kevin promised me that it wasn’t going to be different. He’s not going to tarnish the Marvel brand by trying to just blow out as much content as he could. And I trusted him on that. They haven’t let me down yet, so I just went along for the ride on faith of their past work. And I was really pleasantly surprised by how great everything turned out.

SFX: Steve was an integral part of both Sam and Bucky’s lives. How does the show explore his absence?

ANTHONY: With Sam and Bucky, the idea of losing Steve looms heavily in their day-to-day-life. Captain America - not just a moniker, but the person - was a huge influence on both of them. The idea of the moniker is not as important as the person that they lost. Their whole goal, and their whole focus, is to honour Steve, because he left them with such a huge task to pick up where he left off. Just the weight of the shield with no Steve leads us to believe that there might not be another Captain America. There will never be another Steve Rogers, so for the two of them, the idea of the Captain America moniker is more of a burden than a blessing. They really try and allow that to be an influence of the legacy that he left, and how they can keep that legacy alive and support him - while also missing him and being very sad that he’s not around any more.

SFX: Will we see more of Sam’s regular life?

ANTHONY: We get to see more of them in their surroundings, their personal life, with people who influence their life day-to-day: family members, friends, co-workers. You got a little bit of it with Sam when Steve went to the VA when they first met. But now you really get to see his twists and turns and where exactly he fits in his nine-to-five, as opposed to him just sitting around waiting for Cap to call. That was one of the biggest pitches that Nate and Kevin gave to me that really intrigued me and excited me about this story.

SFX: Exploring Sam’s big choice when it comes to taking up Cap’s shield encompasses so many real-life issues, including race. Was Malcom a solid partner in conveying that?

ANTHONY: You know, it wasn’t just Malcolm and I. What was really interesting was Kari [Skogland] and Zoie [Nagelhout] were very local in the idea of who this man was, and what he was going to mean to the society that we were presenting him to. It’s funny, with Kari being a white Canadian woman, and Zoie being a white American woman, they had such strong parts of opinion and such interesting ways of seeing this character that were way more aggressive than anything I could have imagined. Their perspective and bravery, as two women leading the charge, to show the situation that this character was being thrust into in the world that he lived in, was very humbling. I always felt support. It always felt like there were people around me who were paying attention to what we were saying as a show.

BUCKY STAR

Sebastian Stan is Bucky Barnes / The Winter Soldier

SFX: After Endgame, how did you feel overall, about staying in the MCU?

SEBASTIAN: At the end of Endgame it was sort of strange and emotional. At the time, it was the 10-year anniversary, so everything felt like an ending, of sorts, even though we recognised that there was probably going to be more to it. But it was great to be able to have a discussion about the future.

SFX: Who at Marvel Studios initially pitched the idea of this series to you?

SEBASTIAN: I sat with Kevin [Feige] initially. And then with Nate Moore, who I had done Civil War and Winter Soldier with, and had an unbelievable experience. I think I was a little nervous, because part of me felt like “I’m not even sure if I know what’s left to be explored with the character”. But we actually discovered so much more. And I feel like the character now is coming off in such a different, deeper and more complex way than we’ve seen him. I thought I had explored the character, as he was, enough, but we actually had only scratched the surface. What we’re able to do with him in this series is just on such a deeper emotional level, and we didn’t have that opportunity before.

SFX: What was most interesting to you about doing a series?

SEBASTIAN: The idea of exploring this character now, separately, from Steve Rogers and from that storyline, and putting him in the world, and giving him an opportunity to really, truly, have to face who he is - everything about that was exciting. And the idea of working with Anthony was exciting, because I know we have something special and we’ve never gotten a chance to explore it.

SFX: Who are Sam and Bucky to one another in this series?

SEBASTIAN: They both despise each other equally! [Laughs] I mean, there’s some truth to that. But it’s also a discovery for both of them to realise that they actually have much more in common than they thought. They come at it from different backgrounds. But essentially, they’re both two people trying to find their new identity, and that really has nothing to do with Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers is much more the catalyst, like the event that sets off the bomb that causes both of them to go, “Okay, that happened. Now, let me deal with these things”. I think it’s about them figuring out that they need each other much more than they want to accept.

SFX: With no Steve to lean on, what is Bucky focused on?

SEBASTIAN: It’s a bit of re-educating that happens at the same time. He’s learning a lot about Sam, and he’s also learning about the world, because it’s a very different world than when we was last “James Bucky Barnes” in the ‘50s. He’s always got to deal with the shadow that’s following him. Now it’s more of a question of, how does he take what he’s learned and apply it for himself, going forward? How do you go out there in 2021 and function, knowing what he knows and what he’s bee through? And also, how do you do it without somebody who was a brother by his side, who was a staple of strength, or familiarity? You take away even the last comfort zone - what does he have? That’s what the show is about for him.

SFX: Why do you feel that Bucky has been able to retain fan sympathy during his dark arc?

SEBASTIAN: He felt much more reachable and reachable than other characters, perhaps because of the arcs of trying to cope with the past, or getting over some trauma, or PTSD. And his level of finding oneself again, redefining yourself, your morals, your values, who you are, what you believe in, the challenges that you have - in terms of accepting the world a certain way - understanding that maybe how you grew up and what you’ve learned isn’t going to always help you find your path. You’re going to have to maybe go against the things that you’ve been used to. Those are all things about this character that are very interesting.

There are two more interviews with Showrunner Malcolm Spellman and Director Kari Skogland included in the issue!

If you'd like to get a copy, SFX Magazine Issue 337 is available to purchase both physically and digitally worldwide! https://magazinesdirect.com/mobile/az-single-issues/6937139/sfx-magazine-single-issue.thtml

#anthony mackie #sebastian stan #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #stackie #falcon and winter soldier #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #disney plus

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regencyslxt · 3 years

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In His Defense

1555 words.

Imagine Bucky catching you defending him at work.

warning: like 1 swear word.

You had been in the office now for around 7 hours. You were an agent in training, however, so far despite the sparring and training you had done in the compound with Steve and the other Avengers you were yet to progress further than your desk. You wouldn’t have minded, you knew your computer skills were advanced, if it weren’t for a couple of agents on your floor who didn’t quite understand that sound travels. Meaning every word that slipped past their lips, you heard. And you ignored it too, that was until they started talking about the blue-eyed god Steve always brought to your training sessions.

Bucky Barnes. Ex Hydra assassin turned hero. Your work crush. In fact, he was your crush out of work too. He seemed to have wormed his way into your every thought, not that you were complaining. He had been nothing short of a sweetheart. Holding doors open when he sees you coming, telling you good morning when you get to work early. Let’s not even talk about his constant encouragement during 1 v 1’s. He could sweep you flat on your ass and he’d still tell you what a great job you’d done. God you were whipped. And the worst part is, you knew he didn’t think of you even remotely close to the way you thought of him. How could he? You weren’t an avenger; you weren’t even a field agent yet.

Anyways, you could handle your co-workers (not that you enjoyed working with them) gossiping about you.

“Look at her, it’s no wonder Fury hasn’t put her out on the field yet.”

“She’s always glued to that screen and if she not staring at her monitor, she’s staring at Agent Barnes.”

“It’s so pathetic.”

You were used to it. Ever since they found out about your little crush on Barnes they hadn’t shut up about it. It was to be expected, it was all they were good for. The last mission they went on together went bust, they gave away their position within a half-hour of them arriving and almost got the team they were with killed. Dumbasses.

Recently, however, instead of focussing on you they had directed their attention to the metal armed veteran that walked through the corridors.

“I can’t believe he’s here…like how many people did he kill, and we’re just expected to work happily alongside him, I don’t think so” one scoffed.

“I know, I guess being best friends with Captain America means everyone turns a blind eye.”

…

“Do you think he remembers? I hope he does.”

“He doesn’t deserve to forget.”

…

You were very well aware of what he had done in his past, who wasn’t? You were also aware, though, of how hard he was trying to make amends. How every day he was trying hard to figure himself out, to figure out who he was before the Winter Soldier. So, when these two agents couldn’t keep their mouths shut for five minutes whilst the avengers were meeting in the conference room, you found yourself biting your tongue.

“He should’ve stayed frozen, maybe then they could get a mission done without having to worry about a random Russian guy triggering him.”

“Imagine actually trying to convince everyone he’s a good person after what he did, what a joke.”

You turned to them, unable to hold your tongue any longer.

“Can you guys shut up? I mean is it so hard for you both to just sit down and do the job you’re being paid to do instead of chatting shit because the last time I checked that wasn’t on the job description…” you spoke out.

They both looked at you wide-eyed.

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

“It doesn’t matter but I know you know who I am because you’ve had nothing but my name in your mouth since I started.”

You stand from your chair and walk over to them. They step back a touch. The conference room doors open behind you as you go.

“What I do want to know, is what makes you think you have the right to stand here and criticise Agent Barnes for moving on with his life. For trying to fix everything he’s done. He feels bad enough as it is, he doesn’t need you two chiming in with your rude comments every time he walks past or makes an appearance. So, you can stand here and act all high and mighty but in reality you’re both crap at your jobs. I genuinely don’t know how you managed to be let in the field because as soon as anything happens around here you are both the first ones to cower away and tuck your tails between your legs,” You exclaim.

They stand there, mouths gaping trying to think of something to say but they fall short.

“Y/N…” a low voice speaks from behind you.

Your body tenses and you inhale a sharp breath. You close your eyes and look down at your feet, all the confidence you had before was now washed away. You had done it now, all the time you had spent forming a friendship with the man was now wasted. You really didn’t want to turn to face him but you knew you would have to at some point so you slowly spun on your heels to face his direction. His boots were a nice view, at least that’s what you told yourself knowing you couldn’t bring yourself to look elsewhere.

“Look at me please...” he whispers, stepping closer to you. He looked towards Steve and the others and silently pleading for them to leave.

“I think we have somewhere else to be don’t you think guys?” A round of murmured agreements could be made out.

“You two as well, I’m sure Fury wants a word with you both.” Steve motioned for the two agents to follow him, and they quickly made their way over and trailed behind him.

It was just you and him now. His hand made its way to your chin and he tilted your head up.

“There you are…” he chuckles. You can feel your cheeks burning as he stares at you.

“Come on doll, don’t get all shy on me now. You weren’t shy 2 minutes go.” He laughs at your embarrassed expression.

“That’s not funny! “you groan.

“I didn’t know you were all there…I would’ve kept my mouth shut if I had.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t have defended me?”

“NO, I just meant that- I mean- You- “You let out a huff of air.

“You don’t need me to defend you, you’re James Barnes. You can quite easily defend yourself…”

“That is true but it’s so much nicer having a doll like you do it for a change,” he smirks as he traces his fingers down the length of your arm, taking your hand in his.

“And I’m hoping since you spoke so highly of me before, that I might actually have a chance with you.” He quirked an eyebrow. You gaped at the man in front of you.

“A chance? With me? You want a chance with me?” To say you were shocked was an understatement. To be honest you weren’t sure if your ears were playing tricks on you or not.

“Y/N you can’t seriously be that oblivious can you?”

“Oblivious to what?” What on earth was happening?

“You seriously haven’t realised that you’re the only trainee I force myself to talk to. It’s not because I have to, but because your voice is the only thing I want to hear at 8 o’clock in the morning when I’m still half asleep. You are the only person that makes my mind go blank, that’s why even if I want to spend my entire day talking to you all I can bring myself to say is good morning. You fluster me Y/N Y/L/N, and it’s an issue because Sam won’t leave me alone about it.”

You laugh softly, still completely in shock at the fact the man you have had feelings for since you got the job here is currently confessing his feelings for you.

“So to answer your question yes, I am asking if I have a chance with you.” his hands wrap around your waist and he pulls you close, his eyes move to meet yours and your breath catches in your throat. You blink up at him, moving your own hands to the nape of his neck, subconsciously playing with his hair.

“I can’t believe this is happening right now,” you admit.

“There isn’t anything on this earth that could make me say no to you Bucky, so yes. I will give you a chance. And one after that, then one after that…” you continue until Bucky catches you in a kiss. You pull back in surprise, but quickly return the kiss, pulling him as close to you as possible.

You both separate a few moments later, Bucky tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you do. A yawn escapes your lips, and Bucky smiles adoringly at you.

“There’s a coffee shop nearby, we can go get something if you’d like...”

“I’d like that Buck.”

He connects his hand with yours, and you make your way towards the elevator.

“It’s a date.”

#imagine #x reader #regencyslxt #marvel imagine #marvel #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #winter soldier #winter solider x reader

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theseerasures · 3 years

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a yearning nation’s blueeyed pride

honestly there is just like. no point as of Witch (if not earlier) in thinking about Marrow and Winter as following along the same defection path, and downright facile to compare the two in terms of who is “closer” to defecting and therefore “less problematic” (even setting aside that making value judgments along those lines in fiction is...never that straightforward), when the narrative has emphasized REPEATEDLY how they are on entirely separate tracks in terms of character and role in the Atlas military.

seriously, it’s like saying “this orange is bad because you can’t eat the peel like you can eat an apple skin”

so like, yes, Marrow is the one who has verbally expressed his misgivings, and has clearly articulated scruples (as opposed to just the dial-up noise) and will blurt them out any second now as soon as he gets a word in edgewise. but also: Marrow HASN’T gotten a word in edgewise (except with Winter, fancy that), and has done approximately fuck all to actually subvert the system that he is growing to hate. both his theory and lack of praxis are tied into Marrow’s relatively low, overlooked position in the Atlas system, and feed into the fact that for Marrow the project of Atlas is not personal.

Marrow joined the military on ideological grounds. he clearly does want personal connection, but that has been denied him at every turn, largely by his teammates, largely by his partner, all of whom use him to enforce their own struggles with the clash between political duty and personal grief. he has been alienated by the system he upholds, which started even before we meet him. this makes it much harder for him to rebel in deed, because he doesn’t have a lot of power to begin with and he knows the system will not protect him if he does; at the same time, that relative powerlessness and isolation keeps his investment in Atlas abstract, uncomplicated, and much easier to dispel. Marrow is still with Atlas because he has a job to do, because it’s his duty, because he is still clinging to the Atlas military’s illusory altruism. he wants Penny to come with them so she can save Atlas. his protestations at seeing Team FNKI, that they are “just kids,” comes from the belief that it is categorically wrong to send children into battle. what is keeping Marrow from defecting is belief, and once the belief is shattered--like, say, when his boss’ new ingenious plan is to Nuke the Poors--there is nothing keeping him around.

and once his path is set he will not waver, because Atlas, by design, has no hold on him materially or personally (outside of his own life, which he was already happy to dedicate to a cause). Marrow then, is the limit case of Atlas being hoist with its own petard: an exemplar for how it gives its people nothing while demanding everything, but also an exemplar for how quickly the entire system folds in on itself when the veil is lifted. when Marrow defects (and it IS when) it will represent Atlas as a whole defecting from itself, even if we don’t see it visually--from the civilians, to the enlisted soldiers, to perhaps even members of Marrow’s own team.

NONE of the things i just mentioned really apply to Winter, because there is nothing about Atlas that is not personal for Winter.

i have no doubt that Winter is in some ways invested in same abstract principles that swayed Marrow, but that is constantly overridden by the fact that Winter has family at all sides of this, even before everything fell to shit, and the narrative will not stop reminding her.

“what about your sister?” “would you say the same thing if it was your sister inside?” her father was gunning for a seat on the Council. the man who took her in is essentially Head of State. Penny has made herself Public Enemy Number One, and Weiss is actively abetting her. even Whitley has now thrown himself into the fray, unbeknownst to her. and another person might be better at compartmentalizing all this the way Winter clearly wants to, and stick to the party line, but Winter cannot, because the more i watch her the more i’m convinced that the current crisis in Atlas is just a microcosm of the real issue, which is to say: everything is personal in Atlas for Winter, because everything is personal for Winter.

at a moment-to-moment level, and especially when backed into a corner, Winter defaults not to ideology but her tightly coiled lattice of personal relationships. and this makes perfect sense, because Winter grew up in a household where she had to perpetually crisis respond, and then she never stopped. Marrow does what he does because he believes in the dream, in making the world a better place, and therefore it is more difficult in some respects for him to defect, because it involves taking a long hard look at and then rejecting the structures he bought into and made himself complicit in. once lines are crossed and he DOES do that, though, he’s home free. for Winter, there are no lines to cross, because all Winter wants in the end is to throw her arms around everyone she cares about and drag them to safety. to keep them there, closely held, where she can see them and make sure that they stay safe.

but what’s tricky about Winter--what’s fascinating to me, what Jacques tried to beat out of her, what James alternately capitalizes on and tries to quash, what she resents about herself--is that in times of crisis (which for Winter is again ALL THE TIME), “everyone she cares about” becomes everyone, so that suddenly she takes a shine to the General’s war machine, so that she’s risking her life to give Penny and Fria a few more seconds of time, so that she’s stepping in front of Elm’s incoming fist, so that she’s letting JYR go rescue Oscar. Marrow has ideals he values, but at her core Winter has nothing but the people, who are real the moment she sees and feels them--real enough to defend, or defend against.

Winter jealously protects her web of people, but that web will also spiral out to infinity if she lets it--so she doesn’t. she has adamantly refused to move out of the mode where she lives present-by-present, only reacting to what is right in front of her, what she has been told, weighing her own life against the people who are closest, and no more. this is unquestionably a trauma response, but it’s also reinforced by 1) her choice to become a career soldier, and 2) the fact that Winter actually HAS quite a bit of power, and she knows that. but she has never trusted herself with any of it, largely because her hypervigilant response to situations has only ever been chastised instead of rehabilitated. Winter knows the weight of her name and her position, but she constantly tries to ignore it, or run away from it, so that she is only ever the heiress, the second-in-command, and never the Queen. she cannot be a leader until she is Good (that is to say, perfect and rational), so she tries to obliterate her power the same time she obliterates that pesky personhood: remaining still for as long as possible, avoiding situations that she knows will prompt action and choice, and when absolutely pushed to think through her power, moving the pieces around with extreme caution, hoping that the world won’t be burnt black by it.

Marrow and Winter are fundamentally at opposing ends of the personal-political bleed, and the story could NOT telegraph it any more clearly than their conversation in Witch, where Marrow makes a personal plea to Winter so that she can make a call far beyond just that, and she refutes him, by reminding him of his obligation to Atlas in the form of impersonal duty.

i’ll conclude by pointing out that there is something very interesting happening with Winter right now, that exceeds her power in-universe. because even as a Schnee, as Ironwood’s protege, what Winter can do is limited (partly because she limits herself), except for how the story has resolutely centered her actions and MADE them significant. in the course of this war Winter has let herself make exactly two choices--both of them noninterventionist, easily justifiable, and not meant to take any ideological stand--and they ended up altering the entire fabric of the war with Salem. all because she loved her sisters more than her duty. all because she was shown a slim chance to save the kingdom and a fourteen-year-old boy, and she thought just for an instant, what’s the harm

(and James Ironwood will never know. that even with his plan, his bomb, all his ships, all his soldiers...he was no match for her. his loyal lieutenant. the only child he will ever have, who has only ever called him “sir.”)

it is not about what Winter COULD have chosen in those moments, if she had the ability to stop Penny and Weiss from leaving, if JYR were even Oscar’s rescuers, in the conventional sense. it is about the fact that she DID make those choices, and the story has made them reverberate, in spite of the fact that she did not mean for them to. Marrow’s story is about being neglected and overlooked by the system, the moment of recognition that it needs you more than you need it, that there are so many more of you, and together you can stop chasing the dream and make your own. Winter’s story cleaves to the heart of not just Atlas, but the RWBY monomyth, which goes something like: stars are like us. the world was created because two brothers could not get along, and sundered because a woman could not cope with her grief. just because you move closer to the elite, to the center, to the top, to the sublime, it does not mean that you move farther from the fallible. we are all, at our deepest layer, people.

but the world does not tremble any less for it.

#winter schnee #marrow amin #rwby #helen writes meta #there is something like. gallingly poetic to the point where it's just shy of kitsch #about the throughline of winter letting penny go and then penny letting emerald go #(and then emerald helping free oscar with JYR and hitching a ride on the other strand winter left trailing behind)#it's not about causation. it's not that simple #it's about the ways that penny is both winter's apotheosis and (dare i say it) mirror #as maidens so often are for each other #so that winter's desperate compromise becomes in penny's hands a transcendent mercy #winter would not have spared emerald. and penny is not there solely because of winter #but they constitute and echo each other even apart in the kingdom of creation #winter might call that being 'human' but penny would call it something else #me yesterday: teehee i think i will make a leetle joke #about how winter has done more for the war effort than ironwood by basically doing fuck all #HOURS AND A ZILLION WORDS LATER #listen. do i regret it? yes. do i wish i'd done something more productive? absolutely. do i wish i could hyperfixate on anything else? ye

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beyondspaceandstars · 3 years

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While You Sleep

Chapter 11

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: nothing (i think?) Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

a/n: hi all please be patient I am having some writers block/lack of motivation lately for writing so this series may be a bit on a pause (hopefully not) but I am working to get out more drabbles to maybe just get some inspo or something!

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Waking up in Bucky’s arms felt just too good to be true. You were sure it was a dream, a nice, new dream Fate had blessed you with, but when Bucky shifted beside you and you felt every sensation, you knew you were truly awake.

It also helped tremendously that you had a pleasant dream about him. It feels like centuries since you were shaken awake by the actions of The Winter Soldier. You couldn’t even consider any of it the actions of him next to you, feeling like the person in your dreams was and wasn’t the man in this bed. Everything felt like it intertwined dangerously, vines running through your mind. But, truthfully, you didn’t wanna think too much about it. You were finally getting your chance at the real soulmate experience, dates and dreams and all, and that was too priceless to spend time dwelling over much else.

Bucky awoke slowly, his normally rough eyes met yours in the softest manner. You two were tangled comfortably, still in most of last night's clothing, minus your panties and Bucky’s sweater which he must’ve ditched in the middle of the night. But none of that bothered you for a second. You were just too glad to be in this bed with your soulmate, cocooned lovingly in the sheets.

Bucky’s hoarse morning voice broke the silence, “Good morning.”

You smirked. “Good morning.” You shifted on your side and Bucky removed his arm from your waist, letting you get comfortable. The other arm around your shoulder stayed put. Quite surprisingly, it was his metal one. You could see Bucky’s torso completely now, the light from the sun hitting him in just the right way. Your eyes traveled from his arm to his shoulder, looking curiously. He was a fascinating phenomenon that you couldn’t believe was yours.

Thankfully, Bucky didn’t shiver away at the interest you were taking again in his arm and instead, indulged in your curiosity. “What’s going on in that pretty brain of yours?”

Your eyes snapped back to Bucky’s face. Your cheeks heated up from the question, feeling like you were caught doing something wrong. But Bucky didn’t look at all upset. Slowly, your eyes drifted back down and your hand came up to caress the base of his neck, just barely skimming his shoulder. He shuddered under the feeling.

“Does it… Does it hurt or anything?” You asked, suddenly feeling very stupid the second the words left your mouth. You bit your lip, trying to find the words to peddle back, but Bucky didn’t seem very bothered by it.

“No,” he shook his head. “I guess I don’t think much about it now. It’s just part of me. Obviously.”

You nodded, still letting your hand trace invisible patterns on his skin. “And you use it to fight bad guys?”

Bucky chuckled. “You’re still on that, huh?” You smirked and shrugged, wordlessly asking him to continue. “I… I help where I can. Don’t think it’s much to get excited about it but I like to think I have a hand in making the world better. It’s the least I could do since…” His words trailed off, leaving a kind of heaviness in the conversation. Bucky’s eyes lost their softness. They were beginning to water up but before any tear could escape, he spoke again. “You know, I actually am glad you brought this up. I have a mission soon.”

Your brows furrowed. “What?”

He nodded and sat up in the bed, untangling you two. You followed his motions, gripping the blanket to you as you now sat side-by-side.

“Should just be for a day or so. Mainly just gathering intel, nothing really crazy from the looks of it, but I still wanted to let you know.”

“W-When?”

“Tomorrow.”

Your jaw went slack. “You have a mission to leave for tomorrow and I’m just now hearing about it?”

Despite your rising anger, you let Bucky take your hand in his. He rubbed soft circles on your skin. “Doll, I promise, I didn’t know about it until yesterday morning.”

“Were you going to tell me?” You were a bit surprised by how softly your words came out, just barely making it above a whisper. Your heart was pounding loudly in your ears, worry and uncertainty course through you. You didn’t know what these missions could really entail. Could they really just be intel gathering? What if stuff goes wrong? Stuff goes wrong all the time, right? Your head was swimming and all you really knew was that you were losing your soulmate for a bit. Sure, you had gone your entire life without him (and he went without you much longer) but now you two were connected. It was practically set in stone. The situation had changed drastically and now he was leaving to do God knows what…

Bucky let out a sigh, the noise forcing you out of your worried thoughts. He spoke gently as if sensing the uneasiness within you, “Yes, I planned to, doll, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. When you asked about my job again, I just jumped on the opportunity, okay? I swear, I wasn’t going to just disappear.”

You wrapped your arm around his, leaning closer to rest your head in the crook of his neck. He shifted to welcome the touch.

“You can’t disappear,” you whispered. “After what happened that night on the phone…” It flashed back. The dial tone in your ear, the thought of Bucky gone in the night. You didn’t want to remember those feelings, really. “You gotta promise me you’re going to be safe.”

Bucky let out a soft chuckle and you possibly would’ve found it comical, it was actually quite funny asking an ex-assassin to be safe, but thanks to the bond, there wasn’t anything funny about anything. You couldn’t imagine even having to put a bandaid on him.

“I’ll be safe, doll,” he said. “Try not to worry.”

You scoffed. “Impossible.”

A moment passed before Bucky reached to cup the side of your face. Instinctively, you brought your face up to meet his. His expression as he stared back with a true whirlwind of emotions. Sadness, appreciation, love… But he didn’t express anything outwardly, and instead just placed his lips on yours. His body pressed into you as the kiss deepened, slowly pushing you back to the bed. You two fell back once again into the entanglement of one another.

***

“You’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yes, sweetheart, I’ll be fine.”

You tried giving an understanding nod but still, all you felt was worry as you and Bucky stood outside your apartment building saying your goodbyes. It was early and he had made sure to stop by before you had to leave for work. You thought you two had said your goodbyes in more ways than one yesterday but he wasn’t leaving so easily and you were secretly glad.

“I’m just making sure,” you sighed and reached to grab his hand. He accepted, intertwining your fingers.

“I know,” he nodded. “Are you going to be okay?”

You raised your brows. “Me?” You let out a small laugh. “I’m not the one going on a mission to do who knows what in God knows where.”

Bucky shook his head, a small smirk on his lips. “No, but I still have to make sure you’re safe here.”

“Bucky, I’ve spent a lot of time alone. I’m going to be just fine.”

Bucky’s expression morphed into something unsettling. He looked quite distressed at your comment, which you hadn’t truly expected, but hearing it out loud, you wanted to cringe at the statement. It was probably the most uncomfortable reminder but Bucky didn’t mention anything about it.

“I’m just making sure.” He repeated your words as a teasing remark, making you let out a small sigh of relief.

In a quick last-minute move, you pulled him closer to place a loving kiss on his lips. He smiled into it as his other hand came up to caress your cheek. Warmth raced through you as he broke the kiss.

“Have a good day at work, doll.”

“Have a good mission, Buck.”

***

You thanked your lucky stars that work today was ridiculously slow. It was almost the weekend but the usual rush of morning folks had dwindled pretty fast. Truly, though, this was a best-case scenario in your eyes because in between the fleeting customers and out of the watchful gaze of your boss, you took time to send Bucky some texts. While, yes, you knew he hated texting (who could blame him with the T9 keyboard he was working with) but you still thought they would be nice for him to read.

I’m sure you’re high off in the sky getting briefed on your task but I wanted to wish you luck. You hit send with a goofy grin feeling a bit silly and a bit… concerned. Your worry for Bucky hadn’t stopped and you knew most likely it was consequences of being separated from your soulmate but you wished the gnawing at your soul would quit it. Still, though, a part of you felt giddy being able to send him cute little things while he was gone.

Your coworker took notice of your behavior quite quickly. As she came around the counter restocking the syrups, she asked, “What’s got you all lovestruck?”

You bit your lip, trying to suppress your smile. “Bucky’s gone for a bit and I was just sending him a little love note.”

Your coworker chuckled. “A love note. Oh, how far you two have come.” With that sentiment, she went back to her restocking, leaving you to stare at your phone. You nodded to yourself realizing, yeah, you and Bucky had come far. You didn’t know if all relationships hit the gas pedal but there had always been an urgency with you even before ever looking at Bucky. You had wanted this for a while, always unsure if you would get it thanks to what the nightmares showed, but now it was real. It was as Bucky said, if it felt right to you two, then it must be.

Thinking of you. You sent off another little message before sliding your phone back into your pocket. You waited the rest of your shift but never received anything back, not that you really expected it, though. You figured if he had time to call, he was going to wait for that opportunity.

Eventually, the clock hit quitting time and you exited the coffee shop, waving a brief goodbye to your coworker. Standing on the sidewalk, you half expected to maybe see Bucky eager to walk you home or take you to dinner but the street was gravely empty. You shook off the unusual thought and began your journey home.

It was a fairly quiet night and you were thankful for that. It gave you a chance to just be with yourself for a second after a whirlwind of days and nights with Bucky by your side. Maybe this distance would be good, you thought. The distance creates a need and your reunion would be unlike anything you had ever felt before. You blushed at the thought.

You made your way into your apartment building and up the stairs. Unlocking your door, you threw down your items and began getting ready for bed. The softness of it was just begging for you. While you would’ve loved to be back in Bucky’s, you were dying for a bit of sleep to maybe ease your hyperactive thoughts of your soulmate and his mission.

After taking off your make-up and getting on your pajamas, you crawled under the covers. Sleep hit you almost immediately, a new occurrence you were getting used to. You never really recalled a time when you were welcoming sleep with open arms.

But maybe you were counting your blessings too soon. Tonight ended up not being how it had been for the past few days. The nightmares came back in a sudden rush, way too fast for you to even think about what the hell was going on. You felt so lost, being pushed so many steps back in your progress, as scenes of fighting and guns blazing flashed in and out without any warning. The emotions came back as well. Need and anger were swelling in your heart as you fought and fought within the nightmares. Everything began feeling…so real. The nightmares felt strong as your body felt it had a mind of its own, tossing around your bed in panic as your brain filled with the images and… yells?

You were shaking now. You didn’t remember hearing sounds in your nightmares before but everything can be suppressed if you’re traumatized enough, you figured. But there was just something within you that didn’t feel right. Granted, nothing was right about the nightmares but this was different… these sounds felt real and sudden… Your brain was screaming. What the...

Something cold hit your back. At first, you had thought your blanket fell off but when you went to grab it, you found your hands were bound together. Real panic, nothing of the dream kind, raced through you. Your eyes bolted open.

You didn't find your blanket because it wasn’t there. You weren’t in your bed. Hell, you weren’t even in your apartment. You were alone, shoved into a dark cell, your back pressed against a cold, metal wall. The panic was settling in but you couldn’t find the strength to react besides staring around frantically in the dark. You couldn’t make out anything, barely able to even see your own body. It was deadly silent.

You began praying to whatever was out there that this was just a dream, that you just really couldn't wake up, you had only thought you woke up. But that just wasn’t the case and a sad part of you really knew it. Nightmares suddenly weren’t just reserved for bedtime.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x female reader #the winter soldier #fanfic #fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel #mcu #mcu fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #avengers #soulmate au #fluff #angst

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vdlest · 3 years

Text

I'm home in your arms

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary:

Bucky always comes to visit you, but this time, he asked you to come over to his place. Upon your arrival at his apartment, you found him sad and emotional.

Warning:

Fluff

When Bucky called you to ask you to come over to his place, you immediately felt something’s wrong with him. He would not ask you to come over in the first place if nothing’s wrong or bothering him. Otherwise, he’ll come to your place like he always does.

At times like this, you would understand why he wanted you to move in with him or he’ll move in with you. You two have been in a relationship for three years now, and secrets have no room between the two of you anymore. You are each other’s family. It’ll be much easier for both of you to comfort each other in times like this if only you are both living under the same roof. But you insisted to still live separately since you two still deserve a little privacy and you two planned to build your own house, and once that dream house is fulfilled, that's when you and Bucky will live together.

When you arrived at his apartment, you used the key which Bucky gave you to enter his place. You did not waste any more time looking for him in other parts of his place, you instantly knew where he is.

The door in his bedroom is slightly opened, you peeked first to see and confirm if he really is there.

You saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, both of his hands, the flesh one and the vibranium one, are on his head. He's looking down that's why you can't see his face, but you could already tell his sadness and his emotional self. You start to wonder what is happening to him and what made him feel this way. There's only one way to find out, so you entered his room. You went up straight in front of him, kneeling to announce your presence, but since your boyfriend is a super-soldier, he must've known your arrival already because of his super-hearing ability.

"Hey," you called him as you kneel in front of him, "What happened?" you asked.

Bucky lets out heavy breathing before he answers you, "I miss my family, y/n," his voice is breaking, and you could tell he's on the edge of crying.

You froze the moment his eyes meet yours.

His eyes are red and full of emotion, full of pain. It has been decades since the last time he saw his family, his parents, and his sister, he's a hundred years old man, but despite the years, he is still longing for them, still hoping that he would be able to talk to them and see them once again. But you know what hurts him the most, the fact that he wasn't there for his sister. His sister died and he didn't know about it because HYDRA erased every bit of his memories.

"I miss them," he sniffles.

"I know," your hands traveled to his nape, pulling him for a hug, which he obliged. He rested his head on your shoulder as his emotions finally show up, tears finally ran down his cheeks.

For the first minutes of your arrival in his apartment, you two remained in that position. You just sat down in front of him, while his head is buried on your shoulder. You didn't want to stop him from letting his emotions out, you thought it can help him ease the pain because the more you suppress your feelings from manifesting, the more pain you'll feel and you will not be free from it.

"Buck, you'll see them again at the right time, at the right place," you spoke, finally breaking the silence between the two of you, "But right now, you're here. You're here with us, with me. We need you here, I need you. I know no amount of words can make you feel better right now, and I know you'll always miss them, but it's alright, my love. It's normal to miss the people we lost but the very best thing to feel their love and presence even though they're gone is through their memories with us."

When your feet and knees start to numb because you've been in that position for so long, you cupped Bucky's face, making him pull away from your shoulder and meet your eyes.

"You want me to stay tonight?" you asked him.

He nodded, "Yeah."

"I figured," you kissed the tip of his nose before you stood up to remove your shoes and your jacket.

When you're left with your white v-neck shirt and your pants, you climbed up to his bed and lay down. Bucky did the same thing, he climbed up to his bed, but when he's about to pull you for a cuddle, you stopped him by grabbing his hand and you are the one who pulled him for a cuddle.

"Come here," you softly said as you pull him towards you.

You guided him on top of you, you rest his head on your chest as you wrapped your hand around his nape, giving it a caress. In that position, you could feel his heartbeat, you could feel his breathing, you could feel him.

"Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to leave my sister for war, maybe I could have a little more time with her," he uttered while resting on top of you, making you feel his vibrations. "I wish HYDRA didn't captured me. I wish I didn't became the Winter Soldier. I wish I lived a normal life."

Somehow, you felt sorry for him for not being able to join his sister in this cruel thing we called life. He should have been with his sister, but war and HYDRA made it so impossible for him to do that. But you knew that if he didn't go through all of that, he wouldn't find his way to you, the two of you wouldn't not be here. Your heart flinched a bit when you realized that Bucky wanted to live his normal life, and it means a life without you.

"Buck, you're also wishing that the two of us shouldn't meet at all."

Your words made him stood up from his position, he moved to your side as he meet your eyes, "No," he shook his head. His hand moved to your cheek, "I would never wish for such a thing. Your existence made me surpass all the odds, all the miseries I've been through. You are the only person that helps me to fight everything. So please, don't ever think that way."

"I know there's no way I could fill the longing and emptiness you feel in your heart because only your family could do that, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I will do everything in my power to help you in any possible way because.." you caress his cheek and smiles at him, "...because that's how much I love you, Bucky."

He gave you a small smile, "I know, and I'm sorry for making you feel you're not enough reason for me to be happy in this new life I have," he leaned forward to kiss your forehead before he continues talking, "You're more than enough."

"There's something I also need to tell you, Buck," you said.

"What is it?" he asked, a bit frowning.

Before you received a call from him, asking you to come to his place, you're about to take a pregnancy test. You've been feeling sick for the past few weeks, you would throw up, feel dizzy, the food you used to like, you hate it now, and most of all, your period is delayed. You wanted to take the test first before you consult a doctor, but you weren't able to finish the test because you are worried about Bucky.

"Hey," he sensed that you're worried after you told him that you might be pregnant, "You don't have to be scared or worried. We will make this work, and if you're really pregnant, that'd make me the happiest man alive."

When you first had a hunch that you might be pregnant, you got scared initially. You got scared that you and Bucky might not be ready for a very serious situation like this one, but you knew in your heart you will keep the baby once you confirmed you are really pregnant. But now, after you heard Bucky's reaction, all your worries disappeared.

You cupped his face, "You know, maybe you weren't given the chance to be a brother to your sister, but I could tell, your sister wants you to be a good dad," you told him. "Thank you, Bucky. Thank you for not freaking out, and thank you for making me feel better," you added.

He shook his head, removing strands of hair blocking your face, "I should be the one thanking you, my love. You always give me a reason to be happy, to fight, and now you just gave me another one," his hand moved to your belly, "I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for choosing to go through life with me."

That night, you and Bucky ended up endlessly staring at a white rectangular-shaped gadget with two red lines on it.

In 9 months, both of you will be called parents.

Bucky might not be able to fulfill his obligations so his sister, you knew he would make it up to her by being the best dad he could be to your child. From then on, Bucky realized that he won't be able to turn back the time anymore, so he have to live in the present and make the world a better place for his child with you.

-v.dl

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel #bucky barnes fluff

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peachscribe · 3 years

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peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

#book recs #book rec #book rec list #grasshopper jungle #burn #as meat loves salt #this savage song #monsters of verity #white is for witching #these violent delights #the antiques #fierce fairytales #just like my winter list i did write ever review immediately after finishing the book and i think.#i think here you can really tell what my immediate reactions were based on how the review is written fbfjfjd

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cheekygreenty · 3 years

Text

Little Witch - Part 18

The Darkling x Reader

The Winter Fete was fast approaching. The Little Palace was being cleaned up and stitched up in preparation and the seamstress unit was overwhelmed with orders of silk keftas and lavish gowns.

Aleksander was away at front lines on behalf of the Lantosv King again and you were buried up to your neck in work that would otherwise go to him. You pondered for much too long why he always left and you stayed. He constantly left for the camps and front-lines, tending to Grisha in the outposts and dealing with war duties while you were stuck in the confines of this very Palace, signing your name away and reading boring documents. From what you gathered though it had been the same before you arrived, your intelligence prevailing even now.

'You called for me Deputy?' An older Squaller loomed at your door, her greying hairs curling at the sides of her face.

'I did indeed, please sit.' You pointed towards the small sofa in the corner of your room and got up from your desk, heading for it too.

'I think it's about time I thanked you in person for everything you've done for me, Irina.' You picked up the sealed envelope sitting on the table and held it out to her.

'Is that what I think it is?' The older woman visibly teared up, a feathering touch on the envelope.

'I owe it to you and your mother, Irina. Take it.'

'This is so much more than we have given you.'

'Don't be fooled. , I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.'

'Does he know?'

'Of course he doesn't. I keep my own affairs in order without him prying in.'

'Are you sure?' It struck you with a strangeness that you were much older than the Grisha in front of you and had nothing to show for it. You had seen her as a newborn baby cradled in her mother's arms all those years ago and yet you stood before her, the epitome of youth.

'Go. Live your life. It's all in there.' You gestured to the envelope. Irina looked at you just as her mother once did, a look of gratitude and hope. 'He may not be alive anymore but your girl is. So go, I beg of you.'

She stood up and hugged you tightly, quietly crying out of pure joy. You sushed her like you did when she was just a child.

'Go before I decide to keep you around.' You tried to lighten the mood, to say goodbye without having to actually say it. You knew deep down you would never see her again, and given the fact that her daughter was an otkazat'sya, you had no use for her either. Her life was far away from the Os Alta, you made sure of it and now her mother would get to join her and they could live out the rest of their days as a family.

'Y/N you will always be family. My mother made sure of it. I will always be here to serve you.'

'Go'

And she did, with the envelope clutched tightly in her hand, the daughter of your long-passed best friend walked out the door, ending your relationship with the Volkov Grisha.

You met Inessa Volkov during your very first year in the First-Army. She was a Squaller too, stationed at Kribirsk to aid skiff journeys. She was a firecracker, a feisty Zemeni woman who could both bark and bite and never relied solely on her small science.

It was most strange to see soldiers from opposite armies be friends, but Inessa would always swear she knew you were special. She followed you to the Little Palace, helped you evolve into the infamous witch the Fjerdan's began to fear, but her life hit a standstill when she got pregnant. Twins, the girl a Grisha, the boy an otkazat'sya.

Your position allowed for you to help the boy along in life, to prevent him from being dumped in an orphanage by the other Grisha. You gave him a life of happiness and content away from the buzz of capital and for that Inessa was indebted to you, even after your supposed death.

Irina only knew you as a character in her mother's bedtimes stories until you reached out. From then on, Irina served as one of your spies in the Palace while you stayed in the shadows watching Aleksander's moves from a long distance.

Irina was the last link you had to your old life apart from Aleksander and Baghra, of course. You were lucky she was powerful and could live a long life like her mother, but it still hurt to know she would die eventually and you would still be you. You were used to watching those around you die, Aleksander had prepared you for it unintentionally through his various stories and explained life adventures but the sting was still there.

You and Aleksander were on the same page when it came to Grisha abandoning the war effort, but you couldn't help yourself to not let Irina go. She had a daughter and grandkids that she deserved to spend time with in her old age.

No doubt Aleksander would throw up a fuss about a missing Grisha, but you had planned for it already. In the envelope was Irina's death certificate, the address of her daughter's abode, and all the information on her twin brother's family. You wouldn't tell him the truth ever, you would take it to the grave, if you even have to pleasantry to meet.

If he were to find out, with it would come the bubbling question of 'How many spies were there?' and there were too many to count. You had a looming presence and influence in the Palace long before you physically came back and no doubt he would be pissed that you got away with it.

'Deputy, are you to dine in the hall today or in your chambers?' The maid was looking at you and asking the same question she asked every night.

'I think I'll dine with the Grisha, thank you.'

Lately, you ate your dinners cold and in your office, eating only when you remembered the silver tray sitting idly on the table. When Aleksander comes back he's getting an earful and a stack of papers to read. That'll show him.

The hall was filled with pleasant chatter as you approached your seat. It no longer went quiet as you entered, instead a smile or two were sent your way when you noticed. Alina was sitting at her chair sulking over her plate as she usually did and Zoya was too busy eating to notice anything going on around her.

Your food was warm this time as you dug in, drinking the hefty meal down with kvas. You weren't privy to the conversation taking place around you as your thoughts were suddenly overtaken by him. You were never needy, but as of late you wanted to be near Aleksander at all times which was difficult since he wasn't here. The quick kiss he bestowed upon you before he entered his carriage did little to appease you. He never told you when he would be back, but you hoped he wouldn't miss the fete.

Alina was getting stronger, a messy report said that apparently something snapped in her and she grew in power almost overnight. Sometimes when you walked the Palace halls at night, you would catch glimpse of light coming out from under her door. She was growing confident and it suited her. You knew it wasn't any thanks to Baghra.

'Y/N'

'Hmm?' You looked up from your food to see who called you by your name and not your title and relaxed when your eyes caught Zoya's bored ones.

'Botkin asked me to ask you why you've been skipping your combat?' She looked around impassively as if this was the least of her problems but you knew she had nothing better to do given Aleksander's warning to her.

'Oh ummm, I've been busy.' You set your cutlery down and downed the rest of the kvas.

'A Grisha is never too busy to train, lazy perhaps.' You squinted up at the brunette with a false offense.

'Do you have something else to say to me Zoya?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Alright then if you say so.' You got up from your chair, coaxing her up from her own. 'Perhaps, your Deputy wants to train now. Should you care to join her?' You knew Zoya was an excellent Squaller, and an even better fighter but was she better than you?

You didn't miss the look of surprise on her face or the silent acceptance of the challenge as you both walked out of the hall, aiming for the training grounds.

'Don't worry about knocking me cold, the General doesn't speak for me.'

The spaces were empty, all Grisha being at dinner and Botkin seemingly busy too.

'I should hope so.'

If you looked at it from a subjective perspective, Inessa and Zoya were very alike. They both had that ruthless and vindictive aspect to their behavior paired with that sharp tongue and intelligent nature. They would've hated each other.

'Come on Nazyalensky, let's see what your made of.' You got into position, holding up your fists in front of you, ready to strike a blow if need be. You let her hit first, effortlessly dodging and ducking her punches and hooks. She was as fast as a bird in flight, swift and elegant. It impressed you, but unfortunately for her, it wasn't enough. You had her restrained in a matter of seconds, her arms behind her back and chest heaving against the wet ground.

'A worthy opponent. You're pretty good I must confess.' You let her go and stood up, adjusting your kefta around your waist.

'Again' You rolled your eyes at her inability to lose. Just like Inessa.

'Zoya, quit while your ahead. Besides I'm tired.'

'You do nothing all day, how can you be tired'

'Do you speak to the General the same way?'

'Only when he's not listening.' she joked and you actually laughed. It was refreshing to hear someone speak of him without that devout loyalty.

You walked back to the Palace, laughing and joking with the Squaller until you went your separate ways.

You didn't know what happened, but from that day onwards the rude Zoya Nazyalensky became a friend.

---------

Part 19

Contrary to popular belief, I would die for Zoya 😍🥰🥰

Taglist (tell me if you want to be added to the Little Witch taglist!!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal @eireduchess @lunas1x1 @adoringb

#shadow and bone #the darkling #imagine #the darkling x reader #ben barnes #grisha #alexander #alexander morozova #fanfic #alina starkov

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fullconstellationalt · 3 years

Text

You Weren’t My Mission: Ch. 2

Chapter Two – Making Amends

TW: alcohol, mentions of violence and death

Note: Hello! All chapters will have warnings at the beginning of their content and possible triggers. If you find that I miss any triggers, please let me know and I will add them to the chapter warnings as soon as possible. Thank you! <3

Series masterpost

Also available on Wattpad and AO3

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You stared blankly at the hand in front of you, still attempting to process his mere presence. After a few moments of silence, Bucky nodded and gave a slight grin, resting his extended arm on the edge of the bar.

“Tend to get that reaction,” he chuckled. ･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Tend to get that reaction,” he chuckled. You glanced up, meeting his eyes for the first time since he sat down. A look of worry and sympathy met your own hesitant gaze.

As you held eye contact, your mind reeled through what he’d said, trying to sort out what exactly he meant. Amends? What does he mean ‘make amends’? You didn’t realize that you’d asked your questions aloud in a frantic whisper until the bass of his voice rushed to your ears, making you jump.

“Sorry to startle you. Uh, it’s a part of this whole process I’m going through,” he explained. He paused, waiting for some sort of reaction, but you sat frozen still. “I’ve been meeting with different people that I hurt — no, the Winter Soldier hurt — over the years on Hydra missions. You’re one of the last few names on my list.”

You gave a small nod, eyes darting back to the hand resting against the bar. His list? you wondered. It was then that you noticed how long you’d been holding your breath. You let out a small sigh and briefly closed your eyes, attempting to ground yourself.

“Why?” you asked, shifting your gaze back to his. Your voice was small, barely above a whisper, but he managed to hear you.

Although quiet, your question seemed to grant him some relief from the silence that had been hanging. Taking in a deep breath, he explained, “You were one of the few people who survived Hydra’s attack on The Tribune. I’m sure you know that, though.”

You nodded, mind taking you back to the scene at the hospital in the aftermath of the attack.

Of the forty or so staff members in the office at the time, only six of you had survived. As you laid in your bed at the urgent care clinic, nurses and doctors rushing around you, you kept your eyes pinned on the entrance, praying that more of your coworkers would be wheeled in. After hours of watching from your bed, you came to accept that it was just you six that had made it. You’d lost your best friend and boss. The only person you knew well of the survivors was your boyfriend at the time, who you watched be rushed into the ER as a piece of shrapnel stuck in his side was dangerously close to shrinking that survivor count down to five.

You were snapped back to the present by the clinking of glasses behind the counter, Vincent cleaning up after a party had left.

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked, meeting Bucky’s gaze once again. He winced at the question, his eyes showing a shimmer of empathy.

“No, I’m not,” he assured you. “I’m actually here to say that-.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “That it wasn’t me who did those things.”

Confused, you arched your eyebrow, to which he continued.

“I was controlled by Hydra for almost about seventy years. They kidnapped me after an accident in Europe while I was on active duty and brainwashed me, making me into a living weapon. I was the Winter Soldier, they made me an assassin. But I wasn’t me, I had no control over myself.”

You nodded, vaguely familiar with the story. You’d known and read about him as the Winter Soldier, a Hydra assassin. While his pardon signified that there was a difference between Bucky and the Soldier, your memories subconsciously considered them as one.

Bucky’s eyes returned a soft and regretful look, glancing down at his metal arm before holding out his palm between you. You stared at it, eyes running over its ridges and flecks of gold.

“They gave me this, the arm,” he explained. “Well, they gave me the old one. This one’s new, from a friend in Wakanda.” Images of his old silver arm raced, memories of the way his metal fingers firmly gripped his gun, a red star painted on his shoulder.

Your eyes flickered between his dark metal fingertips and his gaze, trying to piece together what any of this meant and why he was here in front of you.

“What do you mean by making amends?” you asked again. He’d given the gist, but you couldn’t understand why he was here or what he wanted from you.

Bucky shifted in his seat, relaxing a bit as he sensed your fear turning into confusion. He delved into explaining the process of his making amends, telling you about the types of people on his list and how he wanted to give people closure. He talked about the memory wipes, the separation between him and the Winter Soldier. You nodded along, mind finally wrapping around the concept when he abruptly stopped his explanation.

“I’ll let you go,” he offered, aware of his intrusion on your evening. “I just wanted to explain, you know,” he paused. “That I’m not that person anymore. Or, I guess, that I never was.”

He glanced at the bar top before pressing his hand against the surface, pushing himself out of his seat and onto his feet.

“Thanks for listening to me. I’m sorry for-“ he glanced at the ground before meeting your gaze again. “For everything.” He turned to leave, straightening his arms and stepping out from between your seats.

Your sudden grasp on his arm startled him, Bucky whipping his head around to face you again. He'd never been able to shake the fight or flight instincts that Hydra had intensified in him.

“You don’t have to go,” you suggested. “I mean, you can, but we can talk about it more.”

Bucky nodded slowly, not used to your reaction. Most people were glad to see him leave. But you wanted to know more.

“I think talking about it could help. You know, with the memories and stuff. Plus, I don’t really want to hate you if it wasn’t you that hurt me,” you explained.

Glancing between your grip on his jacket sleeve and your gaze, he hesitantly sat back down. “What do you want to know?” he asked.

“Do you remember it?” you pressed. You relived the memory each night in your sleep and every day at work for years afterwards. It was only recently that you’d been able to suppress it, sometimes making it a couple of days without acknowledging what had happened. How did he even remember you?

“I remember all of them,” he admitted, a hint of sorrow in his voice.

Wanting to break the tension, you waved Vincent over to your end of the bar and motioned towards Bucky’s empty hand. He ordered a glass of whiskey before turning back to you, a hint of a smirk on his lips. Maybe a drink would loosen him up, you thought, unaware of the serum’s restrictions.

While the alcohol had no effect on him, having the drink in his hands seemed to help him relax. He asked about how you’d been faring in the years since the attack, to which you shared briefly of the recurring nightmares and post-traumatic stress you’d faced. You feared that you’d shared too much, but he nodded along, a sympathetic look in his eyes. You weren’t opening up much but talking about it with him helped.

It wasn’t taking you long to recognize that the man in front of you wasn’t the same man who had eyed you down the barrel of his gun. Although difficult, the eye contact and talking with him helped you make this distinction, as did his understanding and willingness to listen. Even when you were sharing about the effects of the trauma had because of the Winter Soldier, things you knew probably weighed heavily on him, he nodded along and gave you his full attention. You felt comfortable telling Bucky these things, and he seemed comfortable around you; neither of you were fully relaxed, but at least were trying to talk.

“What have you been up to all these years?” you asked. “Since Tony, you know …” Ever since everyone came back from the snap, you’d heard about him from time to time, still referenced to by most news outlets as ‘the Winter Soldier.’ You knew he’d been pardoned and seen pictures of occasional sightings, the metal arm a dead giveaway of his identity, but knew little else. He told you he’d been living in Brooklyn the past few years, to which you were shocked that you’d managed to avoid seeing him for so long.

“I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other until now,” you quipped.

Bucky smiled, but you could see the subtle grimace beneath the expression. “Yeah, I’ve been steering clear of anywhere you’d be,” he admitted. Your eyes widened — how had he known where you were? Where you worked now? “I’ve got people who’ve helped me avoid running into you or anyone else around here,” he explained as though he could read your mind, but offering no further explanation. Truthfully, you didn’t want to know the details.

“Why now? What made you come here tonight?” you asked. It had been nagging you the entire evening — what made him come to see you now?

“I’d heard you come here in the evenings,” he offered, exposing yet another detail you didn’t really wish to know. “Figured I’d give you some time before just showing up, didn’t want to scare you more than I have.”

You nodded, grateful that he hadn’t come sooner. Things had gotten better with the nightmares and flashbacks in the past few months thanks to work getting busier, and if he had come to see you any earlier you would have undoubtably had an instant panic attack. You were admittedly creeped out that he knew you would be here, but given his connections, you guessed that he had intel on nearly whatever information he wanted about anyone. Plus, talking with him had proven fruitful for you, helping you disconnect Bucky Barnes from the Winter Soldier. He didn’t say it, but it helped him too, helping him humanize himself.

Over an hour had passed since he sat down, and your stomach twisted in hunger. You’d had two drinks without eating dinner; it was beyond time for you to go home and eat. As the conversation came to a lull, you shifted to face him fully, looking him in the eye.

“Could we meet again?” you ask hesitantly. “I think it may help me, you know, with processing what happened. Only if you want to, though.”

He paused to consider your proposition and you watched as the wheels in his mind turned, weighing the possible outcomes. A moment passed and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a subtle smile. He nodded in approval.

“I’ll come back by soon,” he assured. You nodded and stood up, grabbing your phone and bag before adjusting your shirt, smoothing your hands over your jeans.

“I’ll see you soon, then.” You gave a small nod and did a quick wave to say goodbye, not comfortable with shaking his hand quite yet. While talking to him helped, you weren’t exactly relaxed around him. It was going to take some time for your mind to fully separate him from the man who had threatened your life and ended so many others’.

Fifteen minutes later you were at your front door, fumbling in your bag for your apartment keys. Once inside, you set your bag in its usual spot on the bench in the doorway and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab the takeout you’d saved from the night before. You dished out your food onto a plate and stuck it in the microwave. As you waited for the timer to go off, you leaned back against the counter.

Besides the sound of the microwave whirring and the occasional honk from the street below, your apartment was completely silent. The silence always gave you time to think, whether for better or worse. Tonight, your mind wandered to the conversations you’d had, running through the details he’d shared and wondering if you’d said too much. Was meeting him again a good idea? Was this really going to help, or were you doing yourself more harm than good?

Just as you began to question yourself, the oven timer rang through the kitchen, making you jump. You grabbed a fork and took your plate from the microwave, walking to your living space to curl up on the couch. Normally you’d put on the news, your mind always focused on work and the need to stay up to date on current events. But tonight, you ate in silence, instead looking out the window at the city street below as your mind wandered back to your interaction with Bucky.

You desperately hoped that this wasn’t a horrible idea.

Next Chapter (Chapter 3 – Adrenaline Rush)

A/N: Thanks for reading chapter 2! I posted both chapters 1 and 2 back-to-back, and am gonna take a little bit to get chapter 3 up but already know where I want for it to go. This is gonna be a bitttt of a slow burn, if you haven't picked up on that yet. Thanks for sticking around!

#Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #Winter Soldier #winter soldier fanfic #marvel fanfiction #Sebastian Stan #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #angst #bucky barnes makes amends #you weren't my mission #bucky fanfic

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astro-rain · 3 years

Text

delicate; b. barnes

chapter five - “fight or flight”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: bucky and (Y/N) have their first official therapy session.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this story is available my wattpad as an OC @/ typicaldaze :))

She stood in front of her bed, ringing out her hands. Her gaze trailed off to nowhere specific, feet planted firmly on the floor of her room, body rigid and straight. She was nervous. This was no foreign feeling, but unpleasant all the same. Today was the first ever therapy session with Bucky.

She hadn't realized how strange it felt until she really thought about her position here. She never worked as an official therapist. She studied neuroscience and psychology, and the relationship between neurobiology and behavior. Don't get her wrong, she knew psychology, she knew trauma and how it interacted with the brain. In fact, sometimes her knowledge seemed like the only thing she could rely on, a consistent comfort and constant truth to keep her feet on the ground.

She shook the thought with a shake of her head, cracked her knuckles, and went for the door. She would have to get used to the Wakandan royal-guest living quarters. It looked like a five star hotel. No, a six star hotel; there is no such thing as a six star hotel, but Wakanda made it happen. That's what Y/N thought, anyway.

Briefly, she wondered what Bucky thought of it. Was he staying in the same area? He could be across the lake for all she knew. The castle was huge and had extensions everywhere. She wondered if he felt lonely here. She wondered if he felt scared, or relaxed, or if he didn't care at all. She thought this was all a little intimidating. She was wary of getting lost as she followed the directions Shuri gave her yesterday.

Her hands found themselves fidgeting again as she continued walking. Before, she was standing by, assisting Shuri and Bucky when needed. Now, she was going to be sitting in a room alone with Bucky. One on one. This would be more personal. (Y/N) was again intimidated. Not by Bucky, but by the nature of their relationship. She just wanted to do well. She just wanted to do right by him.

Alone in a room, tips of fingers tapped restlessly on the arm of a chair. Simultaneously, while walking down the hall, tips of fingers tapped nervously on the side of a thigh.

(Y/N) stood up as a Wakandan royal-aid escorted Bucky into the room. Immediately, she noticed his eyes scanning over the room, undoubtedly and probably unconsciously surveying for exits, possible threats, etc.

A brain that never rests, she thought.

The two of them thanked the aid and bid him farewell before standing in an awkward silence.

"It's nice to see you again, Bucky. I trust you're doing well," (Y/N) cut the tension.

The eloquent politeness was a weird taste on her tongue. She put up with it.

Bucky offered a smile. "Yes, thank you."

It took her a second to realize they were still both standing.

"Oh! Please sit. We can get started."

There were two couches across from each other. One a deep green, the other a pale blue. They were a nice contrast again the walls, which were clad in beautiful Wakandan designs of various shades of orange, yellow, and red. Except for one. On the far end of the room was a huge glass window, taking up the entire span of the wall. There were two end tables on each couch, and a small desk in the one corner with a warm golden lamp. The room was calm and welcoming.

"So, today isn't gonna be huge," (Y/N) started. "It is our first session, so we'll just talk, ya know, settle in."

Bucky nodded.

"So, how have you been? Adjusting well? Hating it? Absolutely no opinion?"

There was then a slight lightheartedness in her professionalism. It helped to put him at ease.

Bucky looked at his hands. "I'm doing alright. This place still needs a little gettin' used to, but that's expected."

"That's good to hear." She smiled slightly. "Wakanda is... a lot for an outsider. I don't think it matters if you're from another century or not."

Bucky chuckled.

"To be honest, I don't even know what therapy really is. They didn't have much of it in the forties."

"Well, it can be pretty hard sometimes, so here's a fair warning. Especially seeing the stuff you went through, just be prepared for difficulty."

As soon as she mentioned this, his demeanor changed.

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess difficulty is to be expected... with me."

That last part was so quiet she almost didn't hear it.

"Hey," (Y/N) said softly, "difficult is fine. It just means a little extra work.

Bucky looked up at her.

His eyes are very blue.

"A little extra work," he repeated, thoughtfully. "I think can do that."

"Do you get escorted everywhere like you did earlier?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Security measure, I guess," Bucky shrugged.

"I can understand that. You don't look scary though."

He then looked very confused.

"Th...thank you?"

"I'm just saying-I feel like it would probably be fine to let you walk here by yourself. It's only a problem when you hear the trigger words, right?"

"I think so, but I can't be sure. Neither can they. It's best to just keep everyone safe."

"Safe from..."

"Me."

"Well, you look perfectly gentle to me. I think it's the Winter Soldier they want to keep at bay."

That threw him for a loop. Gentle. Never in Bucky's life has he been described as gentle. At least... he didn't think so. He wasn't overly trusting of his memory.

"Kinda the same thing, don't ya think?"

"No."

Simple and head first into the point. Bucky once looked confused at her sureness.

"No?"

"No. You and the Winter Soldier are separate. It's not like you decided to go down that road. You weren't given a choice."

"Yeah, I guess."

She didn't seem the least bit convinced of his answer, but she decided to leave it alone.

(Y/N) uncrossed and re-crossed her legs, changing the subject and the mood.

"So, tell me about Steve!"

"Steve?"

"Yeah, I mean he rebelled against like a hundred countries to help you. I assumed you guys were close."

"Well," he started, leaning back in his seat, "he's my oldest friend, and my only friend now, I suppose. Stubborn ass, isn't he?"

"Maybe," (Y/N) smiled. "Sometimes stubborn is good, though. I can admire that. He isn't easily pushed around, that I can tell."

Bucky nearly snorted. "You should've seen him back when we were kids. Pushed around was part of his daily routine."

She almost giggled. "Oh, man. Poor Steve. He was lucky to have you, I take it?"

"We were lucky to have each other. But an argument can be made in Steve's favor 'cause he always made me look good. Not even because he was small or whatever, but because he was always puttin' me in situations where I'd act like a hero. Ya know, savin' his ass in the back of an alley or somethin'."

He seemed to get more comfortable as he talked about things that made him happy. Familiarity and goodness opened him up like a blooming flower. (Y/N) wasn't sure how to describe the sight, but the word that came to mind was golden.

"Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun."

"Yeah..." Bucky trailed off with a smile, thoughts tinted by memories of the past. Memories of an easier time.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask. What did you think of all the exams we did with Shuri? How was it for you?"

"There's so much... stuff, and I have no idea what any of it is or does. I mean, it's been fine so far, but I can't help feeling constantly... confused. And unaware."

"Is that uncomfortable? Being unaware?"

"Well it's not a pleasure, that's for sure," Bucky said with a slight chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.

He seemed nervous.

"Does this place make you nervous, Bucky?"

"Nervous? I don't know if I'd say nervous, but it is a lot to take in."

"That is true. Is that why you looked around the room for exits when you first came in? And why you're sitting facing the door instead of having your back to it?"

Bucky straightened his back.

"Didn't realize you caught that," he shrugged. "Just a habit."

And the flower began to wilt.

"Do you do that in rooms that you feel comfortable in?"

"I-uh... I'm not sure."

"That's alright. It's called hyper-vigilance. You're on high alert at all times. It's a common symptom in PTSD."

"In what?"

Bucky began to wipe his hands on his knees.

"PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but we can get into all that in a later session."

"Do I... do I have that?"

"I think so," she answered calmly and surely, "but I'd wait 'til I got to know you before I formally made that diagnosis."

He glanced at the clock. A few dense moments of silence pass.

"Bucky?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

The blue in his eyes looked like ice. They were frozen. Most people think that in stressful situations the body activates the fight or flight response, but there aren't only two options. There's fight, flight, and there's freeze. Bucky was freezing.

The irony, (Y/N) thought.

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and stood up abruptly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just-"

His head shot to the door and he wrung out his hands as his feet shifted in place. Mind undoubtedly going haywire trying to decide what to do.

"I think I need to go," Bucky said so fast he didn't realize he even said it.

He made a beeline for the door, restlessness all but pouring out of him.

"Buck-"

She couldn't get through the rest of his name before the door had open and shut, leaving her sitting alone on the couch.

Now she could check off freeze and flight...

PLS feel free to leave some feedback/constructive criticism, i’d really like to know what i can do to make this story better!

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky headcanon #marvel #steve rogers #bucky reader insert #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel fanfiction

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lucisfavoritedemon · 3 years

Note

Platonic male reader x bucky

The reader used to train with bucky in Hydra. Making the reader one of the best secret agent(s) in th world. (Think Ethan Hunt & John Wick wrapped into one) The reader is a master at C.Q.C & marksman who has near excellent healing abilities. On a strike in a hydya gulag the reader escapes faking his death. Two years go by while in the reader is living a normal, when Bucky hunts down the reader to bring him onto captain America team.

Pairing: Bucky x platonic!male reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence, mentions of torture, PTSD attack, some fluff, sad Bucky (yes it’s a warning). If I left anything out let me know.

Word Count: 3976

A/N: This was requested by @lunchawx. I really hope this is close to what you were looking for. I know there weren’t many fight scenes in here where the reader could show off their marksmanship, but I tried my best. All mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!

I wish I could tell you how my life turned upside down. I can’t though. I don’t remember how I even got to the base in Siberia, or how I came to America. All I know is that this has been my life, and I knew nothing more. I knew nothing more than being a sharpshooter, and a good soldier. I couldn’t remember if I had any family, or what family really was. I was a soldier. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

The person I felt like I could really trust was the one who had been here the longest. He knew the best moves when it came to fighting. It was an honor to train with him. We were a challenge for each other, and I felt that was why we worked well together. We had the same mindset, and knew what had to be done, and just did it. No questions asked.

When we were in Siberia we trained together, and went on missions together. We made the perfect team, and we always found solace in each other’s company. A bit of peace in the midst of the chaos.

There was always one thing that separated the two of us from each other. He was just a soldier who was made into an assassin with new hand to hand combat skills. He was recruited for his military background. I was recruited for my healing abilities. They then turned me into a killing machine, and used my powers for their benefit.

I didn’t see it then, but I see it now, as I look back on my time with the group. HYDRA was nothing more than a place for them to corrupt the easily corrupted. I was one of them. Barnes was too. He said he didn’t really know much about his past, and when he thought he started to fit the pieces together, they took him away. He always came back different. More damaged, and quieter. I never liked it when they took him away. I didn’t like the man who came back right after.

It would take Barnes days to go back to his normal self. The normal self I knew. That only grew worse when we came to America. Mr. Pierce wasn’t the friendliest. I was the only other of the army HYDRA was making that was escorted with Barnes. I didn’t get decent treatment either. I was treated better than Barnes.

One time I remember very distinctly, Barnes was hurt so bad from keeping a mission report from Pierce they asked me to heal him, so they could continue to torture him. It wasn’t fair. I had to heal him, just for him to get hurt again, and have to heal him once more. Over and over again I did this. I had no choice, but I never thought they would hurt me. Not really, but I also couldn’t risk calling their bluff.

“I need you to eliminate someone for me. Once he’s dead you can be free. Free from all of this. No more killing.” Pierce promised Barnes as he prepared him for this mission.

“If he does this, we’ll be free to leave?” I asked, not trusting a word he was saying.

“Oh he will be free to go, but you, on the other hand, aren’t going anywhere. We could use someone with your abilities. Not only are you trained like the Winter Soldier, but you have more to add to our little group than he does. He has been a gift to mankind, but you will be the greatest gift known in the history of mankind.”

“So Barnes will be free, but I won’t?”

“There must always be sacrifices made.”

“As long as he gets to go free, I will make that sacrifice.”

“Y/l/n, you can’t do that for me. You deserve your freedom too.”

“I won’t get my freedom till I’m dead. I’m sorry Barnes. It’s the way the world turns.”

Barnes looks down with a sad look in his eyes. I knew this conversation would cost him a great deal of torture. Pierce needed him sharp and ready to kill, not all mopey and emotional.

“Prep him.” Pierce spoke.

“Yes sir.” One of the scientists answered.

They took Barnes away, and I felt responsible for that. The S.H.I.E.L.D. Strike crew came in and had me wear a disguise to make sure that launch day for project insight went according to plan. I just hoped that Barnes would be okay, and he would finally be free. Get away from all this fighting and blood shed. Though it was the very thing we had been created to do.

After the assassination of the director of S.H.I.E.L.D., I stayed close and guarded the building. My target was Captain America himself, and all I could say was this was going to be a difficult task, even for me. I watched from one of the balconies to watch for him, when I heard the others over comms say he was headed for the garage, and to shut down the bridge. This was my chance to hit where he least expects it.

I aimed, and waited for him to get in range. One of the jets came out to block his path, and I took my chance to shoot one of his tires, but I took the shot, he jumped onto the jet, and took it down. He took off on foot. I knew I was in for it.

“You had your chance to shoot him, and you missed. Maybe you’re not as good as they say you are.” Rumlow shouted.

“Look, I was aiming for his tire, make him roll and give you time to get him.”

“Next time, you do things our way. Not yours.” He glared at me before walking off.

“Where’s Barnes?”

“Not here! Getting an assignment!” He said, as he walked down the hall disappearing around the corner.

I went to the training room and waited for him. He eventually showed up, but I knew that he was going to be quiet this entire time. There was no use even trying to talk to him. He wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was saying anything. After our training, he walked away, and prepped for his next assignment.

“You okay Barnes?”

He just looked at me, then went back to what he was doing. This wasn’t normal. I knew that what Pierce did to him this time had gone too far.

“Barnes talk to me. At least say something. A word, or sentence, anything to tell me you are still there.”

“I’m here. I have to go.”

He never gave me the cold shoulder like that before. I knew he had to focus, and we would talk later. So I geared up, and followed Rumlow, and his team. We waited till we heard a police dispatch for backup for gunfire near the highway. Our trucks headed out, and arrested Black Widow, Captain America, and some other guy who I had never seen before.

Rumlow tells me to head to the location, and be ready to shoot if things go wrong. I nod and head to the location where we would execute these three felons. I set up my stuff and prepared to aim. Rumlow came into view and signaled to abort the mission. I get down, and we head back to our facility. I walk in, and see that Barnes is fighting one of the scientists. I have only seen him fight back a handful of times. Pierce usually tortured him really bad, so he was mostly well behaved.

Pierce walks in and he doesn’t look very happy, “mission report.” Barnes doesn’t answer, he just has this far off dazed look, “mission report.” When he didn’t get an answer the second time, he slapped Barnes across the face.

“Who was the man on the bridge?” He asked, and he looked so sad.

“You met him earlier on another mission.” Pierce spoke.

“I knew him.” Barnes looked even sadder, knowing that, saying these words, he would be punished.

“Your work has been a gift to mankind, and I need you to do it one more time.” Pierce said sitting down.

“But I knew him.” Barnes gives a sad smile. He knew he was in for it now, and I couldn’t sit and watch this. Barnes needed to get out of this situation, and so did I.

“Prep him.”

“Sir he’s been out of the ice too long.”

“Then wipe him, and start over.” Pierce ordered.

They strap him in and begin to wipe him, Rumlow motions me to follow him and his men, and we follow Pierce out. We station all over the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, and make sure that no one disturbs project insight launch. I stick with Rumlow, so he has protection. I could risk getting hurt, but I din;t want the others to risk the same thing. As we heard Captain America over the intercom, we headed to the launching station to initiate an early launch.

The employees gave a little trouble, but it was nothing we couldn’t handle. Especially when they started shooting their guns. Rumlow told me to run to the helicarrier level and shoot anyone who fought the launch. I nodded and headed down. I shot down everyone in my way trying to stop me. That’s when I ran into Barnes. I helped clear him a path to the Captain. I gunned down men, and didn’t miss a single shot. I tossed Barnes a grenade launcher, to shoot down the jets.

Once I knew he was on a good clear path, I went down to meet Rumlow. We headed up to the 41st floor where we were ambushed by the man I had only met a day ago. He started to kick and punch us, but I was quicker than he was, and was able to dodge them. I didn’t know how I was going to get out, and I knew I should have stayed with Barnes, but it was too late for regrets.

I looked out the window and saw that the helicarriers were shooting at each other. I saw one crash into the water, right near the opening of the hanger. Another had completely blown up, and the pieces were everywhere, but the last one was headed right towards us. I ran to try and out run it, but even as a super soldier, that was nearly impossible.

I looked back at Rumlow who was now being crushed by debris. I knew if I needed to make a clean escape I could. I dropped my guns, and the first layer of my clothing, and jumped into the water. The world would now believe I was dead, and I could live in peace. I just hope Barnes got the same treatment.

~*~

I was now living in Germany. In a quaint little town outside of Berlin. It was peaceful, and I had no worries in the world. Granted the world did believe I was dead, and assumed I was no longer a threat. I volunteered my spare time to help heal those at a nearby hospital. It wasn;t well funded by the major cities, so getting supplies they needed was difficult. I felt if I could help save some of the people who were suffering from chronic illnesses, then I was doing something right.

HYDRA still haunted my thoughts once and a while, and I just hoped that Barnes was free like I was. I had no way of knowing though. I had no contact with anyone I used to know. That was for the best.

I came home one afternoon, and turned on the international news. There plastered on my screen was Barnes.

“The suspected bomber at the UN meeting in Vienna which has killed Wakandian King T’Chaka, is none other than James Buchanan Barnes, also known as the Winter Soldier.”

His name was James. I only knew him as Sergeant Barnes. It didn’t make sense though why would HYDRA want to kill the king of Wakanda? That didn’t seem like something they would do, and it wasn’t like Barnes to get his face caught on camera. Something wasn’t adding up, and I knew this. Someone was trying to set him up, or drag him out of hiding if he was still alive out there.

There was nothing I could do for my friend. I knew if I decided to track him down, then the whole world would know I was still alive, and try to experiment on me. I had to stay where I was, and just hope that Barnes was going to be okay.

I spent the rest of the day trying to keep my mind occupied. I couldn’t keep thinking that my old friend was in any sort of danger, or that he had resorted to his old ways. I really thought that he was innocent. It wasn’t like him to look directly at a traffic camera. We knew where every traffic camera location was all across the world. It was in our ‘programming’.

The next day I went back to the hospital to visit some patients who were not in critical condition. It was always nice to just sit and talk to them. I was sitting and visiting one of the elderly ladies who was sitting watching the news. I watched with her just talking when I saw a breaking news story pop up saying Steve Rogers, Prince T’Challa of Wakanda, Sam Wilson, and James Barnes were all in custody, and being interrogated at Berlin prison.

I said goodbye to the woman, and walked home. I couldn’t believe that Barnes had been captured, and was now being charged for the bombing in Vienna. Everything was happening so fast, and I was having a hard time processing everything. I ignored my TV the rest of the day, and decided to work in my garden. I was aggressively digging holes to plant new flowers. I had to get my anger and frustration out somehow.

I planted the flowers, and packed in the fresh dirt more aggressively than I meant to. I heard someone coming up the driveway, “I don’t want any visitors today.”

“Is that how you greet an old friend?” The stranger asked.

I thought they were a stranger at least, but the voice sounded so familiar. I looked up, and there he stood. It was Barnes. He could tell I looked like I had seen a ghost, but he had the same look.

“Good to see you’re doing well. It’s a nice place you have here.”

“Thank you. I tried to forget about my past. By the look on your face, much like the rest of the world, you believed I was dead.”

“Yeah. It’s good to see you’re alive old pal.”

“So, where’s the fight.”

Barnes chuckles, “we need your help. Steve wants to help prove my innocence. We’re going back to Siberia.”

“Do you think that’s the best idea, Barnes?”

“It’s Bucky actually.”

“I like that better than Barnes in all honesty. I’m assuming you found your family, or friends?”

“Friend. Steve and I have been friends since we were kids. Which was back in the 20s.”

“Well, if your friend needs help, I’ll gladly help. Especially if it proves your innocence.”

“Just a warning, there is a man out there with our trigger words. He may try it again, and Steve won’t be able to fight both of us off.”

“Good to know. I’m in though. I knew you were innocent the moment I saw the traffic cam footage. You wouldn’t be that careless, and look straight at it.”

“Yeah. I wish everyone else thought about it that way.”

“Steve does, so that has to amount to something right?”

“That’s fair.” Bucky said, looking down slightly.

I give a small smile, and follow him to a little volkswagen. There I see Steve, and Sam sitting in the front. Sam gets out, and let’s me in. Bucky follows in next to me.

“I’m Sam by the way. Not sure we’ve met before.”

“Nice to meet you Sam. I’m Y/n, an old friend of Bucky’s from HYDRA.”

“Good to meet you man.”

“Bucky has told me a lot about you, and your combat skills, Y/n.” Steve spoke up as he began to drive.

“Yeah. I don’t really do that anymore. I mostly use my healing powers. I have been volunteering at the local hospital that doesn’t really get support from the major city for some of the critical patients. Especially those with chronic illnesses like kidney, and liver failure. Those who need transplants. I help heal them. They are so appreciative, and super sweet people. I can’t just sit and not help them.”

“Good to see that you are able to help people, and be beneficial and no one fron HYDRA has found you out.” Bucky chimes in.

“Me too. That was the reason I had to get away. I couldn’t let this power be used for evil. I knew I had to use it for good. I can’t over use it though. I can’t have people coming to me, and completely drain my energy.”

“What you’re doing is amazing. The world could use someone like you.” Steve spoke up.

“That’s what I’m worried about. No one can know. No one. I don’t want to be misused.”

“I won’t let that happen. Once we find this guy, you can go back to the life you’ve been living. No one has to know about what you’ve done, but there comes a price with helping us.”

“I understand. If prison is what comes out of this, then I will be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that Bucky continues to be a free man.”

“With your help, he will be.”

We get to the airport, and meet up with some of Steve’s other friends. An announcement comes on over the intercom that the airport is being shut down. Steve says something about this being Stark’s doing, and we all split up. Sam, Bucky, and I all go in and wait inside the airport.

The fight quickly begins when a kid dressed in a red and blue onesie broke in through the windows. He knocked Sam down, and went to fight Bucky. He caught Bucky’s fist, then got distracted by his metal arm. That gave Sam the chance to tackle him, and for Bucky and I to run.

The kid came after us, and we went flying through the glass hand railing barrier, and fell down to the lower level. He then sprays webbing at us, keeping us stuck. The kid goes to swing away, but Sam’s little flying drone thing came and carried him away.

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” Bucky groaned.

“I hate you.” Sam spat back.

We break free, and stand up rushing to the runway where Steve and the others were. The ultimate fight began. I took on one of the guys in the metal suits. Kicking, punching, and pushing him to the ground. I knew that Steve didn’t want anyone to get seriously hurt, but all of my training came flooding back. I couldn’t help but have a fight response in this situation. I wanted Bucky to be free, even if it meant I ended up behind bars. He deserved that much, and I would give anything to make sure he was free.

Bucky and Steve broke through, and were able to get the Quinjet. That left the rest of us to get arrested, and locked in cells in the middle of the ocean at a highly guarded facility. My instincts were still kicking in, and all I knew was that I wanted to break free. Get away from being imprisoned again. I feared that I would be experimented on, and that was the one thing I couldn’t handle. Stark finally, and with a lot of struggle, got me into my cell. I kept ramming into the glass. I felt like a caged animal, and I couldn’t take it.

“Okay, calm down there soldier.” Stark said, trying to get me to stop.

“I’m not a soldier!” I yelled, ramming into the glass more.

“Okay, okay. Just calm down.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. They won’t experiment on you, I promise I won’t let that happen.” I heard Sam say.

“I don’t trust them. I don’t trust people who put others in a glass cell.”

“Y/n, just calm down, and breathe. It’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll make sure Tony doesn’t experiment on you. It’s going to be okay.” Sam spoke softly, and I slowly started to calm down. Having someone like him there to help calm me down. I knew I could trust him because he helped Bucky.

“What’s his problem?” Tony asked Sam.

“He was an experiment for HYDRA with Bucky. He was triggered with the fighting, and his instincts to fight kicked in. How’s Rhodey doing by the way?”

“He’s stable. Probably will be paralyzed. So, he knows where they are going?”

“If you’re trying to get information from me Tony, I won’t spill.” Sam said sternly.

Tony messes with a watch, “We have 90 seconds before they realise it's not their system,” Tony shows a picture of a man dead in a hotel bathroom, “this is the psychiatrist that was supposed to interrogate Barnes. So where were they going?”

“Siberia. Where we were kept and trained for most of the time we were with HYDRA.” I spoke, mostly calmed down.

“Thank you. I will try and fix this. It doesn’t change what he has done, but the Vienna situation wasn’t him. I know that now.” Tony said, walking away.

“Do you believe he really wants Bucky to be free, Sam?”

“I hope so. I hope he helps Steve and Bucky take down the man behind this.”

“Me too.”

We sat there in the cells for what felt like to me, years. I had gotten lost in my thoughts, and all I wanted to know was if Bucky was safe. He deserved his freedom, and I hope he got it. I was sitting against the glass when I heard footsteps coming from behind me, “come to take me away too, Stark?”

“I came to set you free. For you to go back to the life you were living before you came to help us.” It was Steve.

I stood up and faced him, “is Bucky safe?”

“He’s safe, and on Wakanda. He went back under just till he got his mind straightened out.”

“Will he get the freedom he deserves?”

“Yes. Once he is stable enough, he will have the freedom he deserves.”

“Good. I don’t blame him for going back under. It’s the safer option. I would have done the same thing if I were him.”

“You’re free too. No one will come and bother you anymore. I will make sure of that.”

“Thank you Steve. You really are a good friend.”

“You are too.” He unlocks the doors for all of us, “enjoy your new found freedom. Enjoy it.”

“If there’s another fight, and you need backup, don't hesitate to reach out. You know where I’ll be.” I reach out and shake his hand.

“Same goes for you pal. I won’t hesitate. We could use someone like you in a fight. Now go and enjoy your freedom. Live a normal life.”

“Thank you again Steve.” I smile and walk out. I take in the air before getting in a helicopter and heading back home. It felt good, and I felt like I had a new look on life, and now I had some new allies that would be useful if the time came for a proper fight.

#bucky x platonic!male reader #winter soldier #Steve Rogers #captain america #sam wilson #falcon #tony stark #iron man #t'challa #black panther #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #hawkeye #ant man #shield #hydra

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

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SPOILER WARNING: Do not read if you haven’t seen Season 1, Episode 5 of “Loki,” now streaming on Disney Plus.

I think it’s when Alligator Loki ate President Loki’s hand that I realized I was in love.

To be sure, I was always into “Loki,” Marvel Studios’ third Disney Plus series and the first devoted to exploring a single character: the god of mischief as played by Tom Hiddleston. From the first episode, I dug the absurdist deadpan humor imbued by head writer Michael Waldron, and I was immediately smitten with how director Kate Herron employed ’70s sci-fi brutalism and a particularly British affinity for bureaucracy to build out the world of the Time Variance Authority.

“Loki” looked unlike anything I’d ever seen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, an increasingly difficult prospect given there are now 26 discrete iterations of the MCU — soon to be 27 with the impending debut of “Black Widow.” As the show has progressed, that feeling has only grown more acute as “Loki,” in its exploration of its title character’s identity, managed to carve out its own unique personality not just in the MCU, but also in the grander landscape of sci-fi storytelling.

To put it as simply as I can, “Loki” is a cosmic-yet-intimate time-traveling romantic action comedy about how Hiddleston’s sexually fluid narcissist finally learns how to fall in love with himself — or, rather, the female version of himself who has lived a whole lifetime of harrowing experiences apart from his own. In doing so, the show has proven that not only can the MCU work on television, it can thrive on it.

Marvel Studios’ first Disney Plus series, “WandaVision,” was a fabulous first step onto TV, proving that the MCU, itself an experiment in creating an episodic series of blockbuster feature films, could shrink itself down to the scope of an American sitcom. Its exploration of grief and the restorative power of comfort TV could not have been more relevant to an audience enduring a devastating pandemic. But as it unfolded, the escalating mystery of what was actually happening on “WandaVision” — Evan Peters showing up as Pietro-but-not-actually-Pietro, Kathryn Hahn hiding in plain sight as Agatha, Elizabeth Olsen unwittingly responsible for almost everything on the show as Wanda — began to overwhelm it. Fans and major entertainment news outlets alike began wildly theorizing each week — it’s Mephisto! it’s Magneto! — and the pressure to achieve a Marvel-sized scale, service a wide ensemble of MCU characters, and resolve all its narrative strands made the final episodes of “WandaVision” feel, to some, misshapen.

Marvel’s follow-up series, “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” meanwhile, was at once more conventional and more ungainly, with five separate antagonists (John Walker, Karli Morgenthau, Helmut Zemo, Sharon Carter and Valentina Allegra de Fontaine) operating at cross-purposes and overshadowing the two title characters meant to be at the heart of the show and the exploration of being a Black man in America meant to drive it.

“Loki” avoids all of that, because it’s the first MCU show that understands to its bones that the best television is about its characters first, and its story second. The lasting pleasure of longform storytelling is allowing the audience a far deeper understanding of who is on screen than a two-hour movie can allow. That sensibility is already woven into the MCU: Watching Tony Stark, Thor, and Steve Rogers grow and changed over multiple features has been central to the franchise’s unprecedented success. But while Marvel’s conviction to make their shows the same way they’ve made their movies makes sense, it’s also had the paradoxical effect of making “WandaVision” and “FAWS” feel too overloaded with their characters doing stuff than just letting them be.

Each episode of “Loki” does just that. In Episode 1, Loki and Mobius (Owen Wilson, never better?) sit and talk about why Loki does what he does; in Episode 2, they ruminate on the nature of accepted reality while trying to solve the mystery of the variant Loki’s whereabouts. In Episode 3, Loki and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino, an instant star) spend the entire hour walking through a doomed planet getting to know each other, and casually coming out in the process. Episode 4 is when the story shifts into a higher gear, with Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s Ravonna Renslayer emerging as its true antagonist, but even that episode allowed for several extended scenes of human connection, between Ravonna and Mobius, Loki and Mobius, and Sylvie and Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku, richer with each episode).

This week’s penultimate episode, “Journey Into Mystery,” introduces several new Loki variants, a critical new location in the Void (the purgatory at the end of time into which all pruned entities are dumped) and a blockbuster movie sized enemy in the monstrous, timeline devouring Alioth (re-imagined somewhat from the comic books). And yet, there’s still time for Loki and Sylvie to sit on a hill, share a conjured blanket and quietly express how much they mean to each other, and there’s also time for Classic Loki (the great Richard E. Grant) to get a deeply satisfying character arc. After explaining how his own existential despair at his lot in life allowed him to live well past his encounter with Thanos, Classic Loki’s encounter with Loki and Sylvie reinvigorates his sense of glorious purpose — and helps Loki to understand he’s more powerful than he’s ever allowed himself to be. It’s a full meal in miniature, and Grant makes the most of it.

All the while, Herron and writer Tom Kauffman work in all manner of delightful alternate reality Easter eggs, from the USS Eldridge (purported to have been part of an experimental cloaking and teleportation device in 1943) to the Polybius video game (purported to be a government psy-ops scheme). More notably, there are also some MCU Easter eggs, including the Thanos helicopter and the Living Tribunal that flit by quickly and appear designed to tickle Marvel die-hards and pleasantly mystify everyone else. And then there’s Alligator Loki, a flawless creature who should be protected at all costs.

There is one blink-and-you-missed-it moment, though, that could be something more, when the Qeng Enterprises logo shows up on the Avengers tower. In the comics, Tony Stark sells that tower to Qeng, which is secretly connected to the same Marvel boogeyman that’s haunted “Loki” from its premiere: Kang the Conqueror. The decrepit house Loki and Sylvie are stepping towards at the end of the episode also looks like it could — could — be Chronopolis, Kang’s HQ in the comics, although the TVA itself could be that as well. In any event, it’s been well documented, here and elsewhere, that Kang could be the entity who is really behind the TVA, especially since “Lovecraft Country” star Jonathan Majors has already been cast in the role and will appear in 2023’s “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.”

If “Loki” does introduce Kang in its finale, however, then the show is stepping onto its highest, thinnest tightrope yet. This is supposed to be a show about Loki, not about a villain that, within the world of the MCU, remains a total unknown. It’s a massive risk for any series to bring in a brand new character — let alone the Big Bad! — in the final episode, so this could be another example of an MCU series serving the larger franchise at the expense of its own story. That would be a shame. Sticking the landing, after all, has always been troublesome for TV because TV is so much more about the shared journey than the ultimate destination. And yet, if anyone in the MCU knows how to alight onto safe ground despite impossible odds, it is the god of outcasts, who lives to survive.

“Loki” streams new episodes Wednesdays on Disney Plus.

#Loki #episode 5 review #spoilers

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I started typing this in the tags of this post, and it got too long, and then I was going to just reblog the post with this as an addition but that got too long too, and I've been meaning to make a post addressing free will vs. predestination since the premiere anyway, so - here we go. Spoilers, obviously.

Cut for length and spoilers. Please blacklist #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, and #loki spoilers.

This is kinda rough and I'm not sure it actually makes any sense but I'm posting it anyway.

I realize that the post is a joke, obviously (and it is hilarious) but I started thinking about the implications and couldn't stop because it's honestly a goldmine of existential reflection and an inevitable crisis or three.

Let's look at a scenario.

Say you're late to work for reasons totally beyond your control: your neighbor stopped you to ask a question on your way out the door; you swung through the drive-thru for a quick coffee but the person in front of you is ordering a full continental breakfast ffs (this happened to me this morning); there was an explosion and then the Winter Soldier randomly dropped from the sky and landed on the hood of your car. Whatever. Shit happens.

So you're late, but on this particular day, your lateness somehow has consequences that lead to and create a nexus event and the next thing you know, you're being arrested, tried, convicted of time crimes and ultimately (a version of you is) erased from existence.

And this is if it's not even your fault you're late.

Now say that you're late and it is your fault. You took a new route on a whim and drove a little more slowly because you passed a particularly pretty meadow; you hit the brakes at a yellow light instead of speeding through bc you wanted the quick chance to check your email; you sat in your car for a few extra minutes in the parking lot, because maybe your job sucks and you really needed those extra minutes today to psyche yourself up into getting out of the car and going inside and clocking in.

These little choices are you exercising your free will. Because to me, free will is all or nothing - it doesn't just apply to the big decisions.

On the other hand, predestination means that regardless of the choices you make or if it's a big decision or not, everything you do is ultimately going to lead you to a set point or position or place (your destiny).

And I can kind of look at it like a GPS - that is, there are a number of "insignificant" choices you could make and they will still lead you to where you're predestined to go. Like how a GPS will reconfigure your route if you miss your exit on the highway. It doesn't matter if you took Route A or Route B, you're still going to end up at your destination.

But say sometimes the route does matter. Say that there are certain scenarios in which there's only one road (for example, 14 million losses vs 1 win) and you can only get on it by following a specific series of events and what determines the ultimate outcome is whether or not you're late to work that day.

If you decide to wait those extra five minutes in the parking lot, that means that you weren't in your cubicle at 9:03 when Stanley from Accounting wandered by with his giant stack of papers, and when Mary Sue said hello to him, he got distracted and tried to wave and ended up dropping those papers. Had you been at your cubicle, you'd have swooped down to help him but since you weren't there, Stanley is crouched on the floor alone and doesn't notice Joe coming at him with a paper trolley so when he stands up, he and Joe collide and Stanley loses his balance and goes face-first toward the trolley and breaks his nose when he hits the metal handle on his way down.

Now Stanley has to go to the hospital to get his nose set because you wanted to sit in your car and spend five extra minutes hating your life that morning.

If the sacred timeline says that Stanley is supposed to be in that ER at that specific time on that specific day, and no other set of circumstances would get him there, because this will ultimately take Stanley down the road to whatever greater journey he's supposed to go on, then it has to happen. But say you exercise your free will and decide not to wait those five minutes, because the free will applies to every choice you make, even the tiny, insignificant ones. You chose to put on your big person pants and took a deep breath and just head inside - and because you chose to do that and because you were at your cubicle to help Stanley with his papers, Stanley never ends up in the ER and the timeline that's supposed to happen is suddenly at risk and the TVA has to get involved (I assume).

So having free will introduces way, way too many variables into a fixed timeline to ever keep track, because you're taking these tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that people are making every minute of every day, and you're multiplying them by trillions of sentient beings in the universe, and you're saying the fate of the timeline and reality itself depends on all of these beings either always making the choice they're supposed to make or constantly sending the TVA out whenever they don't.

It's fair to conclude, then, that both free will and a fixed, single timeline can't exist at the same time. Either you adhere to the fixed timeline and everyone does exactly what they're supposed to do every second of every minute of existence, or you have free will and autonomy over all of your decisions, no matter how big or small, and those decisions can result in a number of outcomes, ultimately leading you to one of several possible destinations.

Case in point: Tony didn't have to snap his fingers in Endgame. He chose to. Had he not, Thanos would have won. It doesn't matter if there was one way to victory or 14 million ways to failure; the timeline could ultimately only go one of two ways and the choice Tony willingly made determined that Thanos lost. It wasn't predetermined because if Tony had not chosen to snap his fingers, the timeline would have gone the other way.

My personal belief - and this isn't necessarily for the MCU, but in general - is that we do possess free will and the future is ever shifting and changing because nothing is written in stone. It holds up against most, if not all, of the world's belief systems. For example, if you believe that people have guardian angels, the rule is generally that your guardian angels can help you but you have to ask them; they can't decide to intervene without your permission because to do so would infringe upon your free will.

Similarly, you can go on etsy and pay $5 for a funsies psychic reading or pay a lot more money for an in-depth, specific tarot reading and both will tell you that the outcomes may change depending on the paths you take, and that their ultimate advice is for you to keep your focus on your goals and your own self so that you can be subconsciously manifesting the best possible future for yourself. (Not that I know this from experience. It was one time. It was a few times. My point stands, and also stop judging me.)

To get back to the MCU, though - if you determine that both a single, fixed timeline and free will can't simultaneously exist, and your ultimate purpose is upholding said timeline and not letting anyone fuck it up, lest it break off into lots of different branches, then it poses a pretty serious moral and/or ethical question of - who decides what choices we make and what paths we're destined for? The time lizards? Who gave them that authority? Did anyone, or did they just manifest themselves into existence one day, create the universe, and then decide all of the rules (and, if so, where does that leave the norns and the gods and other super powerful beings who are generally thought to be in charge of things)?

If free will doesn't exist and everyone is acting based on what has been predetermined for them by some higher being (or, in this case, time lizards), it takes away our autonomy, and if everything we do and every single tiny step we take is decided for us, what makes us any different than cogs in a machine just following orders? What separates us from robots?

Speaking of robots, it's interesting to me that the TVA's screening process (if you can call it that) has a failsafe against robots specifically. Any robot that might come through is destroyed immediately and in this case, “not a robot” is defined, more or less, as a sentient being that possesses a soul. What does the TVA have against robots if their ultimate goal is ensuring that the robotic machinations of the time lizards are consistently carried out to protect the sacred timeline?

A soul makes you human; the energy of the soul is what you, at the core, are. It can be assumed that having a soul also means that you have some sort of moral and ethical code by which you live your life but, if you don't also have free will, then what is the point of possessing a soul and a moral and ethical code?

Loki is a villain and he's told by Mobius, the TVA, Odin, and pretty much everyone who ever meets him that the only thing he's good for - the only reason he exists - is to cause pain and suffering and death. This has been predetermined for him; this is not his fault and he did not choose it. And every single choice he makes has either already been destined as the choice he was supposed to make, or will be pruned so it won't grow into the wrong timeline. Ultimately Loki can change neither his final destination, nor the purpose and meaning of his existence.

Which leads me to the theory that the several Loki variants that the TVA keeps coming across are the result of Loki consistently resisting against his predetermined path; he's trying to find the timeline where he is able to latch onto and keep his own free will in defiance of the timekeepers but, so far, he hasn't been successful. This could segue into why the current Variant is now going scorched earth and just obliterating the main timeline completely - because if there is no sacred timeline, there's nothing dictating who or what Loki can be, and free will is regained. If there's a multiverse that branches and branches beyond anyone's control, then there must be a branch in there, somewhere, where Loki can exist on his own terms and decide how his own story goes.

This also might be a theory for why Loki is already setting his sights on taking over the TVA (assuming that's not just something he told the variant for reasons). But my original point in delving into all this is to ask: if Loki is predestined to always be a villain whose story plays out exactly the same way because that's what's supposed to happen, then how can anyone ever hold his misdeeds against him? He's literally just existing as the timekeepers decided he would exist and everyone is blaming him for it.

And this leads me to ask, as well, if one's soul is generally good, and one possesses more good traits than bad, what is the logic in making them exist only for pain and destruction? If it's for a greater good, then it stands to reason Loki is not the only one predestined for misery, and what greater good could come from all that suffering?

Conclusion: the existence of the TVA as an organization means that there is one fixed, sacred timeline but the existence of said timeline is immoral and unethical because it means no one actually has any free will at all in the MCU. The very notion of heroes and villains is pointless because it has nothing to do with your own qualities or morality, it's literally the luck of the draw. In order to have free will, the sacred timeline has to be destroyed, and so my prediction is that the Big Bad of the Loki series is not the TVA and not the time keepers but the actual timeline itself, and the entire fate of the MCU rests on whether or not Loki can ultimately succeed.

Also, don't be late for work.

#well this was a journey #smfh #i hope it at least makes *some* sense #loki series meta #loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #long post #i should have revised this before posting lmao #i went back and edited some of it but meh #it's pretty nonsensical i think but also i confuse myself really easily so

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