Here I was thinking how nice it would be to have him here with me when my mind went "GIRL! He didn't even want to go near there because he didn't want to meet your family and you're now dreaming about him at your grandfather's place with you? HAHA" I swear. It was like my mind was talking to my silly heart...
And yes I know my mind is right. Yet my poor heart still misses him. What can I do?! Have patience, angry mind. My heart will get there. We promise you.
Your Heart Is Your Mind
Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
Genesis 6:5 And Yahweh saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually
Psalms 33:11 The counsel of the Yahweh standeth forever, the thoughts of his heart to all generations.
Job 17:11 My days are past, my purposes are broken off, even the thoughts of my heart.
Jeremiah 4:4 Circumcise yourselves to the Yahweh, and take away the foreskin of your heart, ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench it, because of the evil of your doings.
The toughest battle I’ve had to face
Mind vs heart
My heart tells me that I love you, We can make this work, That you didn’t mean what you said, That you love me too, that you’ll change
My mind tells me that I do love you, but we can’t make this work, you did mean what you said, if you loved me you wouldn’t treat me this way, and you won’t change
I would of held on forever
Thank you for giving up & letting me go
Because I wouldn’t have
My heart only grows fonder, it has its own mind & it was set on you
But my mind knew that we deserved better
My mind won, but my heart hurts
Broken but healing 🖤
Almost a whole week has gone by since that last contact and my mind is busy conjuring up one worst-case scenario after the other.
While my foolish heart still wants to believe that there is a good reason for your behavior, your silence, that it doesn't mean that this is the end, that it's over before it has even begun, that I've lost you before I ever truly had you, my brain, rational mind and anxiety scream just that.
Can't you see, you fool? You've clearly been rejected, perhaps, even played, tricked, fooled all along. It's no surprise, really. What were you thinking, falling for what is technically a random stranger? What's so special about her anyway, that you developed such unreasonably strong feelings for her?
You have barely talked as of now and while you still foolishly hope, are deluded to believe this wasn't your last conversation, that all she needs is more time. Can't you that this is a trick? That she's clearly stalling, trying to buy time, keep you under the illusion that she'll come back eventually, make herself known again, grace you with her presence when, in fact, that's never gonna happen.
You've fallen for an ancient, not even very creative trick. It doesn't take a genius to see that you've been trapped. You were an easy, willing victim. The fact that you already care so much for her anyway, love her even and you serving it to her on a silver plate was the perfect cue.
Then all she had to do was tell you that she cared for you as well, tell you what you wanted and needed to hear, all the while hardly revealing anything about herself, but telling you that, as much as she wanted to talk to you, stay in contact with you, she needed more time.
In comes my heart, yelling at my brain, asking how it can dare voice these things, badmouth Anna like that, an innocent, who has been nothing but kind, sweet, polite as of now and clearly doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, getting accused of these kinds of things, depicted as someone who is evil, has ulterior motives, a narcissist, with cruel, sinister intentions, self-centered, manipulative, controlling, toxic who is out to use, hurt and violate people, make fun of them, play them like toys and later throw them away once they've grown boring, lost their initial appeal, fun.
Anna is an angel who has presumably gone through a lot in her young life already, might have even gone through hell and back and not merely once, a fighter, a survivor, quite possibly a victim herself, by no means an aggressor, bully, someone plotting evil schemes, a manipulator.
Sure, it's hard and it hurts how she's giving Ray the cold shoulder now, hasn't even informed Ray that she needed more time, would not be able to respond to those messages any time soon and to please, be more patient with her, wait for just a little longer.
However, I'm sure she's got her reasons for that and we should not judge, condemn her, draw any quick assumptions, conclusions based on that behavior, fact alone.
She deserves the benefit of the doubt and a fair chance like everyone else, no, more than them even, because she is not a mere random stranger, unlike what you said earlier, brain, but it's plain to see that she's a very special someone, already plays a crucial role in Ray's life, that they have an obvious, strong connection with each other, a preexisting bond, were quite possibly destined, fated to meet.
It's true that the point in time they met was rather unfortunate, the conditions not ideal. Still, there's a reason they have encountered now, perhaps, because they both need each other, are good, healing for each other.
Ray is kind, patient, loving, caring and selfless, brain. Stop making it seem like that's not the case. Anna is going to eventually realize that as well and come back, open up, leave her shell, step out of the shadows, once she'll be ready.
Good things come to those who wait and in the end the wait will be worth it.
Patience is a virtue and I am going to stay patient, kind, considerate, compassionate, understanding, empathetic.
For you, Anna, only for you, my love. ❤