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amisunderstoodgoddess · 8 months

Text

— point of no return

rating: explicit. 18+ only

summary: you're used to hiding your true feelings for your best friend, but tonight is the point of no return in your relationship.

Author's note: fic based on the Chaise Atlantic soundtrack - seriously, there's nothing more addictive than Jeremiah Fisher and Chase Atlantic.

English is not my first language

I apologize for any errors you may find.

"Jesus, you keep settling for these idiots..." You hear your friend Jeremiah's deep voice approaching you in the empty hall; the sound of the music and the banter of your friends downstairs is now more muffled.

His disdainful stance changes dramatically in the space of a heartbeat, his beautiful blue eyes soften and harden right in front of you as he looks all over your body for physical harm.

"Wh-what?" You ask as you try to wipe your tears quickly, hoping he didn't see it, forcing a shaky smile.

"Your boyfriend, or whatever he is, just passed me on the stairs and didn't even have the decency to respond when I spoke to him and-and...hey..." He trails off when he gets the full view of your face - your face flushed and wet with tears.

"What happened? Did he do something you didn't want? By God, if he did anything, I swear it-" he's grumbling and widening his already imposing posture, obviously prepared to chase your boyfriend for explanations - ex boyfriend, you mentally correct yourself. You would have laughed, if you had any presence of mind for it.

"Jeremiah." You take his hands in yours, so small and delicate compared to his, drawing his attention. "He didn't do anything…well, actually he did, but…it's complicated."

You know he doesn't understand, not with the confused way you're acting, but you're both interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Jeremiah acts quickly and pulls you into his room, locking the door before anyone sees the two of you.

He backs you up against the door without any warning, putting an arm to the side of your head so you can't escape. You try to ignore the swarm of butterflies that dance in your belly as he looks at you through those long dark lashes. The scent of his masculine cologne – sandalwood and something warm and rich, like the purest heat of the sun, something that seemed to cling constantly to his skin – now, suddenly enveloping you too.

A flush forms on your cheeks and you look away from him, embarrassed by his proximity.

Jeremiah is cozy. This is a fact. There's no way you can sit next to him on the couch, side by side, without his arm around you or his head resting in your lap. That's how it's always been since you became friends years ago.

But the way he's looking at you now, body so close to yours, eyes searching yours with sincere interest… somehow it feels different. It feels new.

"Tell me what happened, please." He says seriously, way too serious for him, cupping your chin with long fingers so you'll face him again.

"No-..." You take a deep breath, "it was no big deal. We just broke up. That's all." You want to say this without crying, but tears are already pooling in your waterline once again.

There are a few seconds of silence, filled only by both of your breaths. He just looks at you, carefully assessing your face.

Just when you think he's not going to say anything else, Jeremiah sighs, long and almost relieved, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

You frown at him and he has the decency to at least look embarrassed.

"Sorry, sorry! I know you feel terrible right now, but honey, breaking up with that guy was one of the best things you could have ever done. I can't pretend I'm sad about it." He says smoothing the flushed skin of your cheeks fondly.

"Actually, he was the one who broke up with me." You sniff, biting your lip nervously.

Jeremiah freezes and blinks a few times like an owl, processing what you just said.

"What?!" It suddenly bursts. "W-why? Why would he do that? You decide to break up with him…fine, understandable…but why the hell would he break up with you?" He's clearly nonplussed, brows furrowed and curls brushing his forehead as he shakes his head in denial.

"I don't know. He said something vague about me being too needy...he said that sometimes I 'feel too much', whatever that means."

This seems to drive him even more out of his mind.

"What the fuck is that explanation? He wants to tell how you should be, is that it?"

You sigh and try to slip under his arm, overwhelmed by the whole situation, but he squeezes your waist and pulls you back against the door, bringing your bodies even closer.

“That's not what he meant and you know it, Jere. You're taking what he said out of context and that's not fair."

It feels like a barrier has burst after your words, something that once held Jeremiah to sanity and is now no longer there.

"Fair?" He lets out a sharp sigh and shakes his head in disbelief. An oddly cruel smile curves his full lips. "You know what's not 'fair'? Seeing your best friend settle for someone who is beneath her in every way. They don't even deserve to lick the dirt off your boots, Y/N. You deserve so much more than that."

It's your turn to smile wryly. “Then how come no one wants me, Jere? My last two relationships ended in a matter of weeks and you know it. It's the most they can handle by my side. It's time to see reality. They're right, there's something wrong with me."

You are really crying right now. Heartbroken. Not for Mike. You really don't care about him, to be brutally honest. He was just another attempt to fill the emptiness.

The emptiness that left your aching and vulnerable.

Jeremiah reaches out to you, pulling you in and wrapping you in the warmth of his broad chest. "Shit. I'm sorry, princess. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just hate seeing you like this." He strokes yout hair and you sniffle into your shirt. “But you need to know that this is not true. People can't help but want to be with you. You are light. Everyone loves you.”

He pulls your head back, making you look at him again, almost touching your forehead to his, bending his tall body to maintain eye contact with you. Pale blue eyes meet yours, watery and fragile, and for just an instant, you know your eyes betray your secret hope, keeping your own love for him secret. Your eyes disconnect from the intense eye contact and look anxiously at his lips for just a second before re-establishing the connection.

You swallow hard and try to steel your resolve.

You can't do that, you can't confuse the common charisma and intense affection that Jeremiah expresses for basically everyone, with what you really want him to feel for you.

You cannot project your own feelings onto him.

You're not sure when that had changed. When did you start to think differently about Jeremiah, your best friend and constant presence in your life growing up. You moved in your teens and you both didn't have contact for a few years. And since you came back to Cousins, you decided you couldn't risk spoiling your friendship with mixed feelings - friendship that still remained strong, like when you were kids, like not a day had passed since you left.

But Jere certainly grew up while you were gone, and so did you.

Your feelings for him were no longer innocent.

Sometimes you could have sworn the feeling was mutual. You couldn't escape his smoldering gazes when he found you in the kitchen, sitting on the stool wearing one of his hoodies that looked giant on your smaller frame. He would confidently stand in front of you, leaning against the counter, sipping his coffee while his eyes roam your legs, not saying a single word to you.

Despite that, you weren't entirely sure. And Jeremiah was too important for you to risk ruining your friendship.

It was getting tough, though. Especially with the way he was looking at you right now.

There was a risk in that, you knew that. You were friends. Your family, friends, and social group were all intertwined. You weren't entirely sure how he felt. It could all come crashing down around you if it went wrong, whatever it was.

There would certainly be questions and there was a lot to think about. But, God, it really was hard for you to think of anything while you were pinned against his bedroom door, with his thigh wedged between your legs - testing, probing, discovering...

Maybe it was the alcohol you drank earlier, maybe it was just heartbreak from the humiliation of being rejected by Mike, maybe you just went really crazy and out of your mind after all...

But before you could think, you were acting.

You look at him, your eyes are still watery but your mouth is set in a firm line, something needy in your expression. “And you, Jere?”

He sighs: "What about me?"

"You want me?" It's a challenge. You say the words without really allowing yourself to think about the consequences. Part of you is so tired of it all - of pretending and hiding.

Your eyes follow the sweeping fall of his golden-brown curls across his forehead to his Adam's apple, which rises and falls with the way he swallows. You lick your lips. You want him. You've wanted him for so long. But there was always this fear of seeking more. He's your best friend and honestly, you don't think you could handle losing him.

He no.

Not Jeremiah.

He's always been the main constant in your life and if you didn't have him…you didn't want to think about what that would be like.

So why, why did you open your mouth?

You are so scared.

You think you might be going crazy.

“Y/N.” He swallows hard. You think he might try to deny it, and, as much as you shouldn't, you're the one approaching him this time, brushing your noses together...eliminating all doubt from the context of your question.

You just need to know. Even if it hurts. Your heart feels like it wants to get out of your chest, but you choose to throw caution to the wind - you've already gone too far. Your hand reaches out, sliding over his nice shirt, feeling the hardness of the muscles along his chest. His hands wrap around your waist and are so big that they reach your back, pulling you closer.

He's looking at your mouth and you think 'fuck', grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down as you go up on your toes, crushing your mouth to his.

He doesn't hesitate. He's leaning your hard against the door, his hand tangled in your hair as he returns the kiss fervently, sliding his lips over yours and pressing your body to his.

The kiss is everything and nothing you expect.

It doesn't start out subtly or in the weird, messy way that first kisses between two people typically characterize. No, this kiss is intense, hot and tastes right. Like he's kissed you a thousand times before.

He bites down on your bottom lip, making you gasp, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth and deepen the kiss. At the same time, one of his hands comes up to your throat, applying just enough pressure to make your mind spin.

His tongue tastes like mint bubblegum as he kisses you hard, deep and, oh, it's too much and not enough at the same time, because you think you'll never get tired of the taste of him - it burns you deep. You moan into his mouth and it causes something like a growl in the back of his throat. Something dangerous and full of need.

You move against him, wanting more, but the sliding of tongues and lips eventually overcomes you and you forget what you were going to do. When he stops the kiss to inhale for just a moment, sucking, tugging at your bottom lip, you barely have time to think before he's crushing his mouth to yours again. His teeth chatter softly and you feel your heart skip and stutter and pound at the intimacy.

His other arm pulls your thigh around his hips and he pins you against the door with his body, crushing you with broad shoulders and wet mouth and desperate intentions. You squeeze a handful of curly hair between your fingers and pull, and he sighs against your mouth in drunken relief.

And when he pulls back a little, blue eyes slitted, entranced, looking chained and addicted - vaguely you think that no one has ever kissed quite like Jeremiah Fisher.

His hand is still on your throat like a necklace, the other holding your leg around his waist as his lips trace along your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You cup his face with trembling fingers and pull him back into your mouth, catching his soft bottom lip between your teeth in an amused bite.

He moans into your mouth. “Y/N…princess…I've wanted you for so long. God."

“J–Jere…” You whimper and unconsciously push your hips into him, rocking against his hard, defined abs.

"Yes dear? Are you well? Still okay?" he asks, needing to know if it was still okay for you, if you wanted to stop.

You nod quickly – God, everything's more than okay – and he grunts contentedly, pressing your hips down so you can feel…oh…hard and big, hidden inside his pants, rubbing just once against you - just so you feel what you're doing with him.

You both moan at the contact, his thick fingers curling a little more into your throat. "I need your words baby, I need you to say it's okay."

You shake your head nonstop, starting to feel distant. “Please,” you murmur. “Please, Jeremiah, just—” your voice starts to crack, starts to shake, and he silences you, kissing you before you can say his name again.

You lean against him, desperately tugging at his shirt as you become frustrated with his intense presence. You crave his skin, but all you can hold onto is the soft cotton that hides what you want.

Sensing your uneasiness, Jeremiah smiles into your lips and holds your other leg against his body, squeezing you into him as he leads you towards his bed.

You barely hit the soft mattress before he pounces on you, kissing your lips vigorously, devouring you inside and out. His big palms are flat against the mattress, perfectly framing your head where you're lying, but it's not enough.

Of course, it's not enough. You want his hands on your body, taking everything he can from you and giving you back until you're exhausted and panting.

You pull hard on the shirt that still frames his broad shoulders, dragging the fabric up and away from his skin. In a desperate sigh, you spill syllables onto his lips, and all you can do is hope he has some mercy.

“Jere,” you say again, breathless and close to tears, revealing your surge of pent-up need for him. "Take it off. Please."

And he does. Finally, impossibly, he does.

You watch with glittering eyes as he drops to his knees and pulls his shirt over his head, the warm light from his room spreading over his golden skin until he glows. A perfect package of defined abs muscles, broad chest and shoulders, strong arms with veins running the entire length, curly hair falling around his face, and of course, blue eyes a few shades darker with desire...he's a like a Greek god.

You watch him with desire, watch his shirt fall to the floor beside the bed, watch his deft hands reach out to you, fingers hooking under your own shirt that's too big for your body.

Same exchange, maybe. You lose your own shirt to his purposeful hands, leaving you with nothing more than the plain bra you usually wear and little shorts that expose too much skin. Jeremiah pushes the big body back to yours, intoxicatingly but patiently, and kisses the last breath of your lungs until you're writhing and clawing at his skin.

It's unimaginable when your skin finally presses against each other. Bare bodies and desperate desires, nothing is left but desire burning between your flesh. You moan and allow Jeremiah to have you however he wants, and he wants to trace his lips across your front in a smooth line of kisses, fluidly unclasping your bra and pushing it off your body like the thing is an offense to him.

"God, fuck, you don't know how long I've wanted this…" By the time he got the thing off your body, his lips were all over your neck and collarbones. Kissing and sucking your skin into his mouth, leaving his marks on you. Your fingers dug into his hair and pulled, the reward was a strangled moan you could feel against your skin. "Fucking long, baby."

And suddenly he was leaning down with his mouth on your breast as his hand came up to caress the other.

Another sound, something between a moan and a gasp, escaped your mouth as he licked your nipple with his hot tongue. You tried to cover your mouth with your hand, but he pulled it away and placed it on his shoulders once more.

“I want to hear you, princess.” he whispered into your damp skin, looking up at you from where his face was buried in your breast and gently biting your nipple before sucking it into his mouth. "You're so fucking perfect, Y/N," he whispered, his voice husky with desire as he teased one of your nipples with his tongue. While the hand that wasn't occupied with your breast found its way between your legs, pushing your shorts off your body with a few tugs.

"Ah, fuck…" He sighed into your nipple, tingling your skin, feeling how wet your panties were as he probed you with two fingers, circling your clit over the fragile tissue tentatively once. You let out your most embarrassing sound yet: a high-pitched moan, whimper, something like that. You'd be mortified if you had the mental capacity for it.

But Jeremiah only grew up listening you.

"Do you like it, baby?" he asks in his husky voice, kissing your belly and reaching down.

"Yes, Jere, please...I want this so badly..."

His big blue eyes blinked at you from under the heavy curtain of lashes, staring at you so intently you thought you would come at that moment.

Swallowing hard, you took a deep breath as you watched him push the soaked fabric of your panties to the side, still not taking his eyes off you. And slowly, as if he were mocking you, his lips finally descended.

You threw your head back with a silent cry at the feel of his mouth on you, and then he was there, his tongue parting your wet lips and plunging inside you. His teeth grazed your swollen clit in a single pulse of pleasure that had you squirming involuntarily, making room only for him to get his hands under you and grab your ass, pulling you closer to him. The position allowed him the freedom to tongue fuck you, moan against your folds, and the vibrations combined with the lewd feel of him inside you like that…you had already reached the point of no return.

"Damn, you taste even better than I thought baby…" He mumbles drunkenly before returning to tease your clit with his lips, his tongue running fervently over the nub. His hands moved beneath you once more, resting your legs on his shoulder. Jeremiah looked down at your glossy folds, almost shaking with excitement. "You look yummy enough to eat, kitten," he said with a wild laugh. His lips found your clit once more.

You screamed, your fingers pulling at his hair. "Jere!"

You cried his name.

He growled into your folds at the needy sound of your voice.

Within moments, you felt yourself getting more and more tense. He moaned, sucking the sensitive flesh once more and you screamed. That small action was all it took to push you over the edge. Every muscle in your body snapped and you cried his name with passion. And he continued his cares, long after your body had stopped shaking.

Impatience quickly replaces momentary lethargy and you find yourself gently pulling his head away from you, still flushed and panting. "Jere, please, for God's sake..."

You don't even know what you're begging for anymore. All you know is what you want. You want his touch, this newfound pleasure. You want it all.

He licks his lips and stands quickly, pulling his pants and underwear off his body as he lets you look at every inch of his exposed body.

His cock is the most spectacular thing you've ever seen and you try to hide your shock; he's the perfect balance of long and thick, more than enough to let you know your pussy will be full, struggling to accommodate him.

Maybe he'll leave you with a memory, a delicious pain. Something to remember that night.

You desperately want to remember that. And you want him to remember you too - like this; hot, sweaty and needing him.

He crawls across the bed until he's on top of you once more, all golden skin and defined muscles, sun-kissed hair and cock leaking precum.

You don't think you've ever seen anything as beautiful as Jeremiah.

Your mouth waters, your eyes reveal your thoughts as you stare at him. The glow in that pretty face makes you hesitantly, shyly reach out and curl your fingers around him.

"You are so beautiful." You murmur against his lips, his mouth opening with a snort and his pool blue eyes fluttering at the feel of your soft skin caressing his warm length. He's heavy and wet between your fingers and you can feel the veins pulsing along his length with each slow stroke of your palm.

"Ah princess, that's it…" he moans before white teeth hold his lower lip hostage as he looks at you from under dark lashes and heavy lids. The question hangs there, needy and urgent. You nod, fingers of your other hand encircling the back of his neck in a confident grip, legs spread wide as he aligns himself with your pussy with one hand and supports his weight on the bed with his forearm next to your face.

“Tell me what you want, my love, and I'll give it to you.” His cock jumped and you felt yourself shiver in anticipation as his head slid up and down your core. The swollen tip is shiny and wet on you and you can feel your pussy trying to pull him in with the shallow thrust when he finally presses against your entrance. He does this a few times and you whimper in frustration. He just smiles one of his wide, bright smiles, except this time there's something almost desperate there too. You wrap your legs around him and take a deep breath as his cock pushes into you, just the tip remaining immobile as he stares at you blushing back at him. He combs your hair back and places a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I'm going to ruin our friendship baby…” he breathes and your heart almost sinks before he pulls away and slides inside you again. "You understand?"

He begins to sink into you in an almost affectionate rhythm, allowing you to become familiar with his length. You grab his arms and squeeze them tight each time he pushes himself an inch deeper into you, sighing and rolling your hips with him, grunting as he slowly advances on you.

You blush even more when he chuckles evilly at your reaction. But you can't stop. You're ready to cry, hypersensitive and aroused by the last orgasm, desperately needing another.

His cock moves inside you some more, your pussy straining to pull him in. You shudder, the sensation delicious and torrid and aching all at the same time.

Your eyes close when he's buried to the end.

“Fucking perfect,” he exhales, squinting his eyes and breathing through his mouth. "You were made for me, princess."

He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you in for another hungry kiss and when he hits you, you whimper, biting his bottom lip. He growls and runs his nails along the skin of your neck until he grab the strands of your hair, eliciting a loud, pent-up moan from the back of your throat.

"Please..." You start and don't finish, rolling your eyes with each thrust.

"Please what? Use your words, kitten." He's being cruel. He knows how desperate you are, how much you want him. He is trying to exert control over you.

But you don't like it? A voice from the dark depths of your mind mocks.

Yes, you do.

"I want you to fuck me, Jere," you gasped, your eyes heavy with desire. "Take me...make me yours. Please..."

"Good girl." he mutters, sending a shiver down your spine. He runs his thumb over your breast until the nipple forms a hardened peak. "So good for me baby."

You can barely breathe, you feel so full. Your nails dug into his back and you both hiss at the sensation. He thrusts into you hard, his hips rocking back and forth inside you. All you can hear is the sound of your meowing and skin hitting skin.

His hands grip your hips so hard you're sure you're going to hurt tomorrow. You beg, a strangled cry breaking from your lips as the pressure you feel builds.

And so he's turning you two; a quick, fluid movement, without leaving your body, until you're sitting on top of him as he's sprawled across the bed. You're panting and flushed, embarrassed that you're the one setting the pace now, but your desire is too high for you to remain quiet for long.

You bite your bottom lip and nod, indicating that you like this. Jeremiah smiles softly and cups your hips, pushing you back once, then pulling you forward. He groans and clenches his jaw as you circle your hips to tease his hard cock.

You feel his hands caressing your ass, squeezing, pulling and pushing you onto his cock.

"Damn, you look so good like that." he breathed, his husky voice reverent, dreamy, needy… "I can't wait to see you mess all over my cock."

Suddenly, he seems to lose his temper, pulling you up and down the base of his throbbing cock with force, making you gasp in surprise. Despite that, you feel a sly smile stretch your own lips, the satisfaction of good sex coursing through your body becomes addictive. Not that you'd have much of a basis for comparison, having only done it once - fast, clumsy and unsatisfying.

God, nothing like this experience with Jeremiah. He should have been your first, you are absolutely sure.

You rest your hands on his sweat-damp chest, forcing yourself to move your hips up and down faster. You moan, looking up at him as you tease your clit into his pelvis.

Jeremiah plants his feet on the bed and slides his hands behind you to cup your ass cheeks, opening you and lifting his hips to slam you deeper. You gasp and dig your nails into the skin of his chest, eliciting a hoarse moan from the man.

He looks at you, all clenched jaw, furrowed brows and hazy blue eyes boring straight into you. A moment passes, then another, the feeling of something big coming closer and closer.

“I could barely handle it..." he admits hastily, taking one of his hands from your ass to spread it across your belly, squeezing and massaging your flesh. “The idea of someone else's fucking hands on you, princess. Of those little guys touching what's mine…” Jeremiah lets out a shuddering breath as his hand continues up your side, thumb gently brushing the underside of your breast, causing liquid heat to pool in your core.

You whimper as he cups your breasts and pinches your nipple, moaning at the feel of his fingers sending electricity to your swollen clit, making you roll your hips harder against him.

Your toes curl and your thighs flex as you approach the edge. You lean down to capture his lips with yours, skimming your tongue along his before sucking mint and sunshine on your tongue. He moans into your mouth as you let your tongue run past his teeth and along his bottom lip.

His grip on your ass is almost painful, making you move faster. Jeremiah licks his lips and watches you as he uses the heels of his feet to thrust faster and faster into you.

"That's it love, let go for me, I want to feel you come all over my cock."

You part your lips and scream as you crush your pussy against his pelvis and come hard with your rolling hips. Pleasure rushes over you like waves as you tighten around him. Jeremiah gasps and watches your slow, hazy descent. He grabs your hips and throws you onto your back once more.

You squeal as he stands between your thighs, looking up at you with a dangerous smile before slamming into you and making you scream a loud moan. There's no patience or time for you to recover, he fucks you up during your overstimulation.

"Come on, princess, you can handle it…" You moan in response to his wild words, and grip the sheets beside you as he slides his forearms under your knees to push your legs against your chest.

You struggle to look down when you see that his gaze is fixed between your legs, nearly drooling as his watch his own cock enter your wet pussy with each hard thrust. His lips part and his messy golden hair falls in front of his electric blue gaze. He licks his lips and groans as he pumps into you harder, pushing you back against the bed.

The sight makes your pussy clench with a fresh wave of need.

You lift your hips and bend slightly as he tilts his hips, hitting your G-spot and making your toes curl. You flex your thighs and grab the pillow to scream in ecstasy as you suddenly collapse around him once more. Surprise etched across your flushed, sweaty face as you widen your eyes. Jeremiah laughs, but he's barely holding it together now, as broken as you are.

Each thrust sends the bed creaking and hitting the wall, the sound drowned out only by the loud music and shouting from the lower level of the house.

He smiles, breathless and close to the edge.

“Come for me, Jere, please...” you murmured to him, exhausted and shaky. You want to tell him to cum inside you, you're on birth control and you trust Jeremiah above anyone else. Do you really want. But all you can do is stare at him through narrowed, watery eyes, silently begging him to finish inside you.

He seems to understand you, like he always does.

He moans and pushes your legs even closer towards your chest, focusing on his own growing climax. He quickens his hips and his knees widen into the bed as he approaches. Moans escape his lips as his thrusts become erratic.

“Fuck, fuck, I've wanted this for so long,” he moans loudly, desperately. "Fill that sweet pussy. Fuck, take it all baby..."

His nails dug into yours legs as he slammed harder, his hip bones colliding with the backs of your thighs. His throbbing cock inside you soggy, wet pussy was music to his ears, pushing him over the edge.

“Fuck,” he groans and licks his lips before parting them in ecstasy, lost in the way his cock was fucking your tight pussy.

And then you hear his breath hitch. You can feel his cock swelling inside you, stretching your pussy and making you feel fuller. Jeremiah curses under his ragged breath, speeding it up until he lets out a loud groan. "I'm cumming, fuck, fuck..."

If you had any energy left, you would have cum from just the needy sound of his voice, but your body is limp and exhausted after three intense orgasms. So you just watch it carefully; the way his bushy brows are drawn together in the most beautiful agony, his golden brown curls sticking to his forehead, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, his golden skin glistening with sweat, his defined muscles flexing and relaxing...

He's perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Jeremiah pulls off of you and collapses noisily beside you, breathing hard and you slowly stretch your legs out, feeling like you might get a cramp at any moment. He lifts himself up on one elbow as your legs spread slowly in exhaustion along the sheets.

He grabs some kleenex from the desk next to the bed and goes back to wipe it between your legs. "Are you well?"

"Mmhmm...yeah, but I don't think I can get up." You said softly and laughed, putting an arm over your eyes.

"Don't worry about it baby, we don't have to leave now. We can stay here all night actually." He said and you can hear the smile in his voice, the satisfaction and happiness.

For some reason that made you more embarrassed than anything that had happened just a few minutes ago. The fact that he was obviously pleased awakened a kind of self-awareness in you that wasn't present before.

God, what did that mean to him? Was it something induced by the heat of the moment? A unique thing that you would keep only in your memory?

You didn't dare remove your arm from your face, too embarrassed to really look at him right now.

He had no idea. Inside, your heart was doing somersaults and you almost thought about crying with sheer relief and happiness at having fulfilled one of your greatest desires in life.

Here, in the low lighting of his bedroom, you couldn't pretend that you probably weren't head over heels in love with your best friend.

You could never again pretend you weren't in love with Jeremiah Fisher.

But your daydreams were interrupted when he moved beside you, and soon he was sliding under the covers with you, wrapping himself around you like a cocoon, like something safe and warm and fluffy - not the sexy man who just eat you and touched you and made you come three times in a row.

“I really like you, princess,” he whispered, his voice cracking in the process, right in your ear. You heard him smile as he gently pulled your arm away from your face, forcing you to look at him.

You swallow and try not to vent the insecurity you're feeling.

"I meant everything I said, you know." He continues, his eyes clear and shining like the sky, even in the dim lighting of the room. "You are mine. Always have been."

You let one of your hands rest on his chest, feeling his heart race under your fingertips. God, you want to agree. You want to give yourself to him more than anything...

He's right, you were always his.

But there is one thing that still troubles you.

“What if I want you to be mine too?”

He lets out a chuckle, bringing his head forward to rest in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. “That's easy, love. I've been yours longer than I care to admit. And now I've had you this way, I'm not at all willing to let you go."

You sigh and smile, your eyes becoming blurred with tears once more. When Jeremiah pulls away, he laughs at the satisfied expression on your face, placing a sweet, slow kiss on your swollen lips.

His tone was teasing and affectionate as he said, “What are best friends for anyway?”

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wandaslittlelove · 2 months

Text

Destined - Part 0

Warnings: Cheating, mentions of death

The rain poured as I stared out the window. It had been almost two weeks since I had seen Wanda and about a month since my sister had sacrificed herself for a stone.

When I came back from the blip it felt like seconds had passed but really it had been five years. In those five years my sister was alone. Grieving my loss. Then when I came back and found out she was gone I was grieving hers. It seemed as if neither of us could ever get a happy ending.

Being devastated by the loss my immediate thought was Wanda. Was she okay? Where is she? But I knew it all had to wait for after the battle against Thanos. I saw Wanda many times on the battlefield and tried to go to her but each time she would move away from me.

After the battle I sat in front of Tony Stark. The many who had been like another sibling to me for years. He was gone. I held Peter's crying figures in my arms that day as he cried for his mentor. Yet another family member had been taken from both of us.

Tony’s funeral is the last time I’ve seen Wanda. The last time I held her in my arms and the last time I was held in hers. I was told she stole Vision's body and had taken over a town called Westview to create her Perfect family.

I was devastated at hearing this. First my sister dies, then Tony, and now Wanda has run off with the corpse of a man she had always reassured me she never liked.

So I moved. I stayed in the compound as I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Natasha's room had become a safe haven along with the gray tabby.. A little gray tabby that enjoyed cuddles. Cinder was her name and she was the one thing that was currently keeping me grounded.

That was until Wanda came bursting through my front door with rain dripping down her body. A Pained expression on her face as she held her side. We both said nothing as I moved to quickly inspect her injury and when I saw it was just a couple of bruised ribs I let out a sigh of relief.

She was the one that talked first. She told me of Westview and how a woman named Agatha Harkness came for her magic and that's how she got the bruises. She told me of her boys, Tommy and Billy, and how they were the perfect kids. I listened silently as my ex Fiance told me all about the fantasy life she had created with a Robot. And I said nothing as she told me that she missed me. Nothing as she told me why she did it. And once again Nothing as she told me of the countless nights she spent with the man I had always been insecure about.

“So I just came to say that it would work out better if you stopped loving me. I’ve done so many things to hurt you. I cheated on you for two years. So please forget me.”

“So I'm not allowed to love you anymore?” I asked with my head turned away from wanda. Ever since Westview was created and she chose vision instead of me we had been arguing non stop.

“That's not what I'm saying!” I look at Wanda with a stone face not wanting to show her how much she's hurting me.

“Really? Because I believe the words ‘it would work out better if you stopped loving me’ mean that.” Wanda looks at me annoyed before she speaks

“I'm just saying it would be easier”

“For who? Me or you” the silence from wanda is all the information I need. With a scoff I pick up my bag before walking to the front door.

“Knowing that you chose a robot over your fiance really says a lot about you Wanda. You created a whole life with someone you had claimed to barely know while I was grieving the death of my sister. And when it all came crashing down you run back to me. I don't want that. I don't want you. I stopped loving you as soon as you ran into his arms” as i exited the place that had once been my home the tears had finally started to fall. Although they weren't out of sadness.

I was free. Finally free…or that's what I thought 4 months ago.

Until suddenly Wanda was trying to kill a child for her magic. Until Dr. Strange came to my door asking for help. And Until I found out our destinies would forever be linked.

Taglist: @alexawynters @username23345 @casquinhaa

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fairyhaos · 8 months

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❍ the 2k event: seungcheol + luxury

alternative title: what makes you happiest?

pairing: seungcheol x gn!reader

genre: non-idols au, angst, hurt/comfort, husband!cheol

word count: 1340

warnings: curse words, pet names

event taglist (send ask to be added): @slytherinshua @rubywonu @pepperonijem @amxlia-stars @weird-bookworm @hannyoontify @my-moarmy-heart @suminsfav @minhui896 @haocovr @lockburn-castle @sweet-like-caramel @horanghae8 @graybaeismytae @karionice @hopetiger10 @shuabby1994 @yonabutnotyuna @lvlystars @k-drama-adict

It’s dark when Seungcheol manages to get home, and he’s utterly exhausted.

The moment he opens the door and takes off his shoes, however, the lights flick on and he sees you standing in the hallway, arms crossed, and he sighs.

“Y/N,” he greets tiredly, standing there in the doorway. You’re here for a confrontation, and he’s not going to try and fight you on that. He’ll always give you what you want. Even in situations like this. “Hello.”

You’re in your pyjamas, the worn cotton dragging against the floor as you shift your feet, leaning on one hip. “You’re home late. Again.”

Seungcheol sighs. He’s so tired, having gone through probably a thousand meetings that day, having to reject and approve countless different projects, sitting there and unpicking and redoing all of his spreadsheets because his useless assistant was good for literally nothing. He’s late home, yes, but he’s always late, and he wonders why that’s such a big deal today.

“I know,” he says simply, rubbing his face. “Y/N, I know I’m late. Why are you up, anyway? It’s almost midnight.”

Your eyes widen, and a look of disbelief crosses your face. “Why am I up? Cheol, what about you?”

Seungcheol blinks, and then frowns. “I don’t understand. This is when I normally get home on a weekday.”

The disbelief is replaced by sadness, and anger, and upset. You bite your lips, fists clenching where you have your arms crossed, and you lean on your other leg. “And don’t you think that’s not right? Why do you think I’m up, Choi Seungcheol? Why do you think I’m here, right now, standing at the door and waiting for my husband to get home even though it’s well past midnight?”

“I… I don’t get it,” Seungcheol says, and he knows it’s the wrong thing to say because your eyes ice over and your knuckles go white. “Y/N, come on, this happens every day. Why are you so upset today?”

“Because you’re never fucking here!” you burst out, throwing your hands into the air. You scream in frustration, days and months of pent-up frustration and utter loneliness manifesting itself in a matter of seconds as you scream again, wringing your hands together.

Seungcheol flinches, surprised, but he keeps his gaze on you as you breathe heavily, eyes burning.

"I wake up every morning, and you're not there beside me. The bed is cold, Cheol, by the time I'm awake. That tells me you've been gone hours before me. Do you know how shitty that feels?" You hold up a hand when Seungcheol opens his mouth, barrelling on. "No, no, you're going to listen to me. I know you said that it's for work, that you're just so busy these days, but God forgive me if I just want to feel loved for once! You couldn't spare a minute to write me an adoring little note, to send me a text when you go, to do something to reassure me?"

Seungcheol purses his lips, willing the tears not to spill over from where they’d sprung up, startled, in his eyes. He tries to keep his voice steady as he says, “I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy.”

“I know,” you say, raking a hand through your hair, teeth gritted, trying not to scream at your husband more than you ought to. “I know that, Choi Seungcheol. But you’ve been staying out later and later, and I know it’s for work, but I barely see you these days.” You hold out your hands to him imploringly. “I just need to know you love me. I just… I feel like the Seungcheol I love doesn’t even exist anymore. And like I don’t exist to you anymore.”

Seungcheol frowns, the thought of you not knowing how much he loves you grating on his nerves. He’s still so exhausted, forcefully having to push the cogs in his brain to get them to work, but he knows that isn’t right. That he’s doing everything for you. Always for you.

He crosses his arms. “That’s not true,” he says. “Y/N, that’s not true. It’s because of me that you can have everything you want, at any time you want. It’s because of me that we have this house, the one you love so much. You can’t say that I don’t love you when I’m working my ass off every day just for you to have everything in the world.”

“Have you considered that maybe I don’t want all of this?” you spit.

“Of course you do!” Seungcheol fires back. He’s infuriated now, upset that you think so little of him. “You asked for this!”

You laugh, but the sound is high and mocking. “We really don’t know each other at all, do we, dear husband? I said I wanted all of this with you! This means jack shit to me if I don’t have you by my side! Because it’s you who I love so goddamn much!”

Seungcheol reels back, shocked.

“I don’t want a life of luxury if I can’t have it with you,” you say, and now there are tears in your eyes, glistening bright and crystal. “I just… I miss you so much, Cheol. I don’t—I’d go back to living through our college days in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you back, dream house be damned.”

You take a deep breath, and the anger drains out of you as you exhale, shoulders slumping. You look as tired as he feels.

“Sometimes, on really bad days, I don’t even see you,” you say, voice cracking. “You’re gone by the time I wake up, and I fall asleep before you get back. Do you know how lonely that is? I married you not because you’d make loads of money, but because you’re Seungcheol, and because I love you. And I—I don’t even get to see the love of my life anymore. It’s like I’m married to a ghost.”

The tears fall down your cheeks now, eyes all blurred, and you don’t even look at him, gaze fixed on some point past his shoulder, and you look so sad and broken and alone and Seungcheol realises just how much he’s been hurting you.

“Y/N,” he says softly, stepping forward, reaching for you as you collapse into the plush carpet, kneeling down in his work suit, letting you cry into his shoulder. “Y/N, my love, I’m so sorry.”

You’re trying to speak, but he won’t let you, the remorse and guilt forcing words out of his throat, trying to apologise over and over again.

“I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault,” he whispers, cradling you against him, wrapping his arms securely around you, keeping you safe in his embrace. “I’ve been inattentive, I haven’t been around enough lately, and I’m so sorry.”

“I—I just keep thinking—wh-where did we go wrong?” you manage to say, before dissolving into sobs again, shaking.

“Shh, I’m sorry,” he says, again, because there’s nothing else he can say. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I should have known that this was hurting you.”

You take a shuddering breath, and he hushes you gently, rocking you back and forth, your thighs wrapped around his waist as he hugs you securely, tightly.

“I just wanted you to be happy,” Seungcheol says thickly, swallowing his own tears as you cry harder. “I thought that giving you all of this would make you happy. I didn’t—I didn’t think about how you might want something else. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to make you the happiest.”

“Idiot,” you choke out into his chest. “I’m only going to be happiest if I’m with you.”

He laughs, the tears spilling over, his heart feeling so full and so empty and squeezing so wonderfully painfully as he holds you in his arms, blindly pressing his lips to the top of your head. “You’re all I need to be happy, too.”

“So stay home then, Cheol. Stay with me.”

And he does.

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auteurdelabre · 5 months

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Something to Fight For (Series) Part 18 Joel Miller x f!Reader

Rating: 18+ THIS CHAPTER'S TRIGGER WARNINGS: Emotional Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Drug Addiction, Mentions of Death A/N: I rewrote this fucking chapter about 8 times. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. It was a real hard one to write, ya'll. A lot of my own shit is mixed up in there with the story. MC is part me after all (and part all of you). So it was hard. Harder than I think I expected it to be. So I dunno how it ended up. Couldn't re-read it too much. I really need your reviews on this one folks. It's real important to me, 'specially now. I need to know how you feel, the good and the bad. I gotta get this right.

Story Masterlist HERE

You're overcome.

There's no other word for it. You've been sobbing in your shower for the last hour. After running from the barn, taking a taxi home and bursting into your suite you immediately fell to your knees, the warm water pelting down onto your back.

It's as close to being held, at being soothed that you can manage right now.

You can’t stop replaying tonight’s events. The song Joel chose. The one of longing and deep yearning.

"She may be the reason I survive

The why and wherefore I'm alive

The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years"

But also of a love gone by. A regret.

"She may be the face I can't forget

A trace of pleasure or regret"

Is that how he views you? A love gone by?

Of course he does.

Paul's engagement ring is in the velvet box it came in. It's being returned tomorrow. You'd have done it tonight if it weren't so late.

You need to end things. It's the only way forward. No matter what, no matter if Joel is in love with Tess, no matter if you'll never be with him, you *can't be with Paul.

You don't love Paul. It's obvious to everyone including yourself. It's been obvious for so long. You've wasted so much fucking time and energy on him.

You think of all the boxes packed here, the ones you were going to move to Leander. You think of how strange and sad it is that your whole life can be put into less than twenty cardboard boxes.

And even though Joel can't be yours and even though that hurts more than words can begin to say, you are so fucking grateful for him. You are so grateful you met Joel Miller because he's shown you what love is. True, caring love.

Even if it's not yours to keep.

You will never forget the way he looked singing tonight. The goodbye song from his heart to yours. You'd felt it. The bittersweet finality of your time.

More tears are coming.

"I love him," you say to the tile in front of you. You need to hear the words spoken out loud in the universe, even if it's hidden in the fall of the shower and heard only by you. "I love Joel."

You need to see Joel. You need him to hold you. Need his calming presence. You need to wrap your arms around him and press your face into his neck and just feel breathe that sweet, spicy scent of home.

He's not yours.

You don't get to see Joel. You don't get to have him. He's Tess'. You can't be his friend, you want him too much. So what does that leave?

That leaves you replaced and alone.

You pull yourself from the shower, shivering as you towel off, drying your hair the best you can. You go to your dresser and pull out one of the few remaining pieces of clothing there.

Joel's shirt.

You've washed it so it doesn't smell like him anymore. Doesn't smell like the laundry detergent he uses or that wood shavings scent he sometimes carries. But when you put it on it feels like he's there in some small way. You pull it on over your sleep shorts hiccupping a soft cry.

You remember so long ago, standing in Joel’s den as you pondered if he just played guitar or if he sang as well.

“S’weird how something can make you feel so good and then outta nowhere become the pain”

That’s how it feels now. Joel, the thing that makes you feel good has also become the pain. The wedding is tomorrow. You need to collect yourself by then. You'll see Joel and you need to be controlled. You need to be okay. You need to not ruin this for him.

Because you do love Joel. You love him in a way you never expected to love or be loved. You love him so much that you are determined to make his life better. Determined that you will not take away what he has carved out for himself.

You crawl under the covers, your face buried in the pillow.

"I l-love Joel," you whisper it again into the pillow only now it's broken by sobs. You curl up under the covers, your body trembling. "I love him I love him."

You feel lost. So hopelessly lost.

And then the phone rings.

///

It's late in the Miller house. Quiet. Sarah's been asleep for hours thanks to the sugar crash Bill's cupcakes provided.

Tommy's asleep in the basement apartment, exhausted from the evenings festivities and anticipating a long day tomorrow.

Or, as Joel glances over at the bright neon numbers of his digital clock, later today.

He's laying in bed, one arm behind his head, one hand over his sternum as he stares at the ceiling. In this pose he feels every breath in, every breath out. The studying rhythm bringing him peace. It's impossible to shake the image of you free from his mind.

He'd done it out of love for you. Out of a need for you to know how much you'd changed him. Changed his heart, his outlook, even his fucking idea on the concept of romantic love.

But the look on your face? The way it had fallen before you had dashed out?

Sarah had been bouncing up and down in her seat when he finished his performance, hugging him tightly and throwing things at him as he tried to contain his disappointment ("Daddy you sing so pretty!" And "Daddy will you teach me guitar?") Everyone was clapping him on the back, telling him it was wonderful, so romantic, that Tommy and Maria loved it.

He refused to let his eyes search for you, knowing you were gone. He refused to let his heart believe that you'd come back.

Joel knows he has to stay away from you.

Knows that singing tonight was a terrible idea because not only did he make it so obvious to everyone that he’s so deeply in love with you, but he also made you cry.

Watching your face crumple, watching the way your eyes fell to the ground at the last string. He’d thought you’d be happy singing, Maria had said how often you’d felt happy when you did. But that wasn’t happiness he saw tonight. It was pain.

Joel doesn’t know what to do. He feels so lost.

And then the phone rings.

///

"Joel, I need you."

Four little words over the phone at 2 am.

Four little words that have Joel stumbling out of bed, murmuring he'll be there before he's pulling on his jeans and a t-shirt.

He's half asleep, his mind whirring. He goes to the basement, rapping on the door. An equally tired Tommy answers, blinking in the light.

"She- I gotta go," Joel tries to explain in a rush. "I'll explain later. Can you come watch Sarah?"

Tommy gives a few bleary eyed blinks before nodding and following his brother up the steps.

Tommy settles himself on the sofa as Joel runs out the door. And all the younger Miller can think before he falls asleep is:

Finally.

///

Joel's shoulders nearly take up the doorframe. You notice this when the rap of his knuckles pulls you sniffling from the sofa and you open the door to him.

His eyes are sleepy, but wide. His hair is tousled from sleep and you can see the indent of his pillow faint in his left cheek. He scans your face, concerned.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry," you say as soon as Joel takes a step towards you. "I never should have called so late. I’m so so sorry, Joel."

"Just let me in," Joel insists, his hand coming to go to your cheek and then dropping. He doesn’t want to overstep. "Tell me what happened."

You try to make the words come out; you force them crackling and trembling out into the world.

"I don't want... I don't want to go back."

Joel doesn't have any context, but that doesn't stop him from rushing in. He closes the door behind him gently before bringing you into his arms. Your forehead drops against his sternum as he does this, your tears warm and free flowing.

As he rubs a soothing hand along your spine he realizes you're wearing his t-shirt again. For some reason this small thing makes Joel's eyes wet.

You're so warm in his arms, trembling against him as you hold in sobs. He wants to kiss away the tears rolling down your cheeks. He wants to carry you to bed and strip every bad memory and experience from you with his mouth and body.

That's not what she needs right now. She needs a friend.

He takes your hand in his, leading you to the sofa. A place where you can talk. The fireplace is on, bathing you in a warm flickering glow that makes his breathing hitch when he glances over at you.

Your eyes are puffy, your nose red and he thinks you might be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

He can't help himself but reach for you, bringing you to his lap as he sits. There's nothing sexual about it, just the need to hold you close, to make you feel safe there. Your arms wrap around his neck and he rocks you, his arms banding around your waist.

"Honey," Joel whispers into the crook of your neck. "What's wrong?"

Honey.

You melt into him just as easily as the word. This was a terrible idea. What had you been thinking? How could you ask Joel here?

Because of the song, your traitorous heart cries. Because you love him! Because his face is the first one you want to see!

You hold him tightly to you, unable to break from him just yet. Unable to tell him the awful ugliness. Instead your mind drifts to the rehearsal dinner. Your hand plays with the fabric of Joel's shirt, twisting it under your fingers.

"Joel . . . The song."

Immediately he tenses and you can't see his face, but you can imagine it. Eyes nervous, mouth hooked slightly to the side. The same way he’d held his face that night in his den, your hand around a glass of soda.

"Maybe one day we'll have reason to make music again.”

Joel smiles softly around his glass. "Maybe."

"Did you like it?" he murmurs into your hair. You can't help but hold him tighter, your eyes filling. He sounds so unsure of himself, so worried about what you’ll say.

"Yeah, I loved it. It was beautiful."

You feel him physically relax in your arms at this admission. The tension, the uncertainty is drained from him. You force yourself not to tilt your face to his, not to search for his mouth with yours.

"I thought you didn't play anymore,” you tell his shoulder.

"I don't. One time performance I guess. Shoulda charged for tickets."

There, the humor you both needed to break the intense spell that weaves itself when you're in Joel's arms. You're thankful to him for that. Now you can pull back, still seated in his lap, but in control of yourself.

"I hope you keep playing forever."

Joel smiles wistfully at you, nodding. You let his dark eyes search your face. You let his hand cup your cheek, his wide thumb brushing away the tears there.

"I never told you about why I went back to Chicago," you sniffle. "Why I didn't call."

"You don't have to tell me," Joel insists. "It doesn't change why I'm here. I'll stay here all night just holdin' you if it's what you need."

He doesn't want to push you, doesn't want you upset because of him. This time in Chicago, the separation, it feels like an ugly part of your shared history that he just wants you both to forget.

"No, I want to tell you," you say in a sorrowful voice. "You deserve to know everything."

Joel nods and he wants to keep you there in his lap. But you shuffle back from him, sitting across from him on the sofa. It takes several minutes of staring into the flames of the fire before you feel you can begin.

"My dad has been in and outta the hospital a lot," you explain, looking at your hands in your lap. "It's because he's waiting for a liver transplant."

Joel is shocked. The way you spoke of Chicago, of your family, he'd assumed your father was dead.

"The thing is," you continue, unaware of his shock. "He can't get one unless he stops using and, uh, he won't."

"Using?" Joel is still taken aback by the revelation, not thinking clearly.

"Coke and heroin mostly," you say with a wince. "He's a drug addict."

Your father has been a junkie for most of your life.

And it's in part because you exist.

The same year you were born he'd gone to a party without your mom. She was tired, still breastfeeding you and encouraged him to go out and have some fun.

He did.

The kind of fun that had started as a party drug passed around and ended with him burning through the family savings and growing gaunt in the coming years. The kind of fun that had him doing eight balls during your soccer games and shooting up on your graduation day.

You were four when he first went into rehab at the insistence of your mother. A few weeks before your fifth birthday he'd come home sober and ready to change his life back around. You hadn't really understood what was happening. You'd just been so happy to be a family again.

That photo on your desk, the one the flood destroyed, the one that meant so much to you is from the only birthday party of yours that your father ever attended sober.

In the passing years he turned to drugs again but he hid it well from you and your mother. You never knew the severity of it until you turned fifteen.

Until you came home one day from your part time job at the Chicago humane shelter to find him covered in piss and his own vomit and barely responsive.

He died on his way to the hospital, a full forty two seconds he was clinically dead. Until they revived him and he sputtered back to life. You remember all of this because it was you in the ambulance with him.

Your mother was at work, unreachable. Your dad's sporadic unemployment meant she worked two jobs.

So it was a fifteen year old you with tears running down her cheeks that watched this unfold, completely terrified.

You were sixteen when he got out of rehab for the second time and promised his life was changed forever. He and your mother had almost two years of no fighting - a change of pace for you who had grown up to their constant shouting matches.

You were eighteen when he relapsed at a friend's house party. Twenty two and twenty five when he went back to the various rehabs that your mother always paid for in more ways than one.

And then he just stopped trying in the coming years. Still using, but not enough for your sweet mother to kick him out.

It's like he's infected by some insidious being inside him. A forever hungry thing that takes and takes, warping your once sweet father into something subhuman. A being that is frighteningly underweight, hollowing his cheeks and making his eyes bulbous in his face. He isn't your father anymore, not really.

But he is. That's the worst part.

Because if he wasn't your Dad you could hate him.

You tell Joel all of this, it spills from you like a stream and he sits across from you, nodding and never speaking. When your voice hitches or the tears begin fresh he instinctively moves towards you on the sofa, stopped only by your raised palm. You need to get all of this out and if he holds you, you never will.

"That night you left, like, two hours later my mom called me to tell me that my dad had a really bad seizure," You shake your head, wanting to stop the memory. "And she sounded so scared on the phone and I just had to get back. I had to get there, back home to help. I was on autopilot."

Joel recalls the hollow look in your eyes when he went to see you that day.

"I know you came to see me but I don't even remember it," you tell Joel. "All I could think of was that I fucked up, that I should have been there in Chicago with my mom."

Joel is stiff, watching you without speaking.

"And I got home and it was just as awful as I thought it would be." You start to shudder at the memory. "My dad could barely talk. And when he did all he wanted to do was blame me for leaving. Telling me I was selfish for leaving my mom and him. Telling me that without me around to help pay for things that there was more pressure on him and my mom to afford their place."

You break off only to hold in a sob, breathing deeply and continuing.

"And he was right, you know. Coming to Austin for school was so selfish of me. I could've just as easily gone to school back in Chicago." A look of disgust crosses your features as you talk now to yourself. "So fucking selfish."

"No," Joel's voice is quiet but firm. "That's not true."

You're ignoring him though, so caught up in your own devastation. Your eyes are shut tightly and your head is giving short jerks.

"I just run from everything, Joel. I ran from Chicago and I ran to Austin because I thought that if I kept running far away enough that, that his ugliness could never touch me. But it lives in me, Joel. That ugliness is in me forever."

Joel's eyes have grown glassy, even now he remains sitting there looking at you with unending patience and his hands twitching to hold you.

"I stayed there for a month,” you continue, not even aware that your head is tilted so low Joel has to lean forward to hear. “A month of my dad telling me I was selfish. A month of my mom trying to tell me that it's just his disease talking. A month of seeing your name come up on my phone and wanting so badly to talk to you but just thinking about how horrible I was and how you and Sarah deserved better."

You force yourself to breathe between sentences, your air hitching in your chest. Joel is staring at you, his eyes swimming over your features. Horrible? You?

"So when I eventually got back to Austin I was just so fucking sad, Joel. So tired. I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't want to be around anyone. Not you, not Sarah. I couldn't do that to you guys." You swipe at your eyes with the wrist of your sweater. "I should have called you and seen you but I was so selfish only thinking about me and how I felt.

Your eyes jerk open when you feel the warmth of Joel's hand on yours. He's leaning across the sofa, his wide hand placed gently over yours. A thumb gently strokes your knuckles.

"No," Joel breathes in a voice of gentle warmth. "Never selfish. Never. It was me that fucked up."

"No."

"Yes," Joel tells you and you can see the way his dark eyes are damp. "You are the least selfish person I've ever met."

"Oh yeah?" you challenge, your chin wobbling. "You know why I called you tonight? Because my mom just called to beg me to come home again. Apparently my dad's saying that if I move back to Chicago that he'll go to treatment again. That he'll stop using. That he'll be able to get the transplant."

Joel's eyes widen but he remains silent.

"And I don't want to go," you say, lips trembling. "I don't want to go back there. I don't want to fucking go even if it would mean helping because I'm a horrible, selfish cunt."

The sobs that burst out of you are pure anguish that you muffle in a pillow to keep Maria from hearing all those floors above. Joel is physically holding himself back, dying to embrace you but giving you your space.

All he can do is stroke your head, desperate to convey all of his care and affection for you through the gesture.

"He was always promising he was going to get clean," you say hollowly, moving away from the pillow and Joel's touch. "And my mom, she just, she just kept carrying on like there was hope. But there is no hope. Just this endless, bleak, fucking pain."

Your eyes meet his and you're overcome. You stand abruptly, feeling the scrutiny of Joel as sharply as if he were stabbing you.

"Joel, just go. I'm sorry I called. This was a terrible idea to have you come here. This isn't your problem. I'm so fucking sorry."

Joel stands and for a moment you think he's going to leave. You think that might be a relief because you're feeling too vulnerable, too exposed.

You aren't expecting Joel to quietly close the distance between your bodies and wordlessly pull you into his arms. You're shocked more however at how willingly you allow this, how easy it is to fall back into his embrace. To tangle your arms around his neck and hold him as tightly as you can. He's warm against you, his cheek resting on the top of your head as you press your face to his shoulder.

"I hate him. I hate what he put my mom and me through." Your chin is trembling as you blink back the onslaught of more tears. "And I hate that I love him so much because he's my fucking dad."

Your hands are gripping Joel around the middle as he holds you, his broad shoulders curling, his arms tightening.

"I hate that I just want him to die," you cry through clenched teeth. "To stop holding on. To bring my mother some fucking peace."

More tears come.

Joel thinks of James and the cocaine and how upset you'd been. He'd thought you were justified in the way you'd acted, the heated punch across James slimy face for treating you so rudely. But now he realizes why you'd been shamed, so terrified of your own fury.

"And I hate that I'm just like him."

You break off as Joel's large hand is cupping the back of your head, and he's gently swaying you, the way a mother would a newborn.

"It's okay," Joel murmurs in your hair. "I've got you. I've got you."

You don't know why, but this quiet utterance from him is that breaks you, and the wall against him that you've built so high for yourself collapses. Heavy sobs break free from you, stark mournful things that you muffle in Joel's shoulder. They make your body jerk, causing Joel to hold you tighter against him.

"Shhh," Joel soothes. "Just breathe, baby. Slowly, like me."

He takes a few steadying breaths, urging you to match the slow pace. After a few shuddering exhales you do so, your breathing staggering into a steady, even rhythm.

"Good," Joel whispers. "Good."

"I'm just like him," you again whisper the words you've only ever thought into Joel's collar. "I'm selfish and horrible and -"

"You're nothing like that," Joel assures you, pulling you back so that he can look into your eyes when he tells you this. "Not at all."

"Really? What do you call what we did in your kitchen?" You scoff. "Knowing that we were with other people? Or how about when you pushed me up against that wall over there?"

Joel is silent, only his eyes move around your face while the rest of him is like a statue. He doesn't need to look at the wall to know what you're talking about.

"I can't stop wanting you," you say with a look of torment in your eyes. "I can't fucking stop, Joel. I try and I try and I can't. I'm just like my dad. I want what I shouldn't. I want what's only going to hurt other people and hurt myself."

"Honey-"

"I can't stop," you repeat weakly, trying to step back from him. "So I have to stay away."

Joel hands are on either side of your face again and he's peppering your face with soft kisses and everything in you wants to rejoice because Joel is here and he's holding you.

"Don't stay away from me," Joel's tells you as he rains compassion down on you. "Never."

You can't keep him. He's not yours.

Both of you are being incredibly selfish right now. Tess is probably at home right now taking care of Sarah and Daniel. Tess who was made to be a mother. Tess who understands Joel. What is wrong with you?

Selfish.

Horrible.

"Stop, Joel," you say twisting from him, out of his grip. "I told you all of this so that you can understand why I won't be around as much. But I'll call Sarah every other night, if she still wants to speak to me. And when I come back for visits I'll take her to the movies and-"

It's like Joel is only just now noticing all the moving boxes. He's glancing around as you talk, his eyes widening.

"You're not actually thinking of moving back to Chicago," Joel interrupts in a horrified voice. "You can't be."

"Just for a few months, just until he's settled in rehab-"

"No," Joel is wild-eyed shaking his head, his eyebrows saddling. "You can’t. You just. . . You can’t do this. You can’t sacrifice everything. Your work - that sanctuary. You won’t come back. I know you, you’ll feel like you have to take care of your dad. You’ll stay there."

"It's complicated-"

"It's not."

"Joel, my dad needs me."

"That was a horrible thing to lay on your shoulders," Joel says and he looks furious and sad all at once. "And I'm sorry for your parents, I really am, but no. You can't go. You can't do this to yourself."

"I have to go," you tell Joel. You falter, pulling back from him, needing to be out of his orbit.

Joel stands there as you pull back from him, looking so out of place in your suite with its low ceilings, the space almost emptied of furniture. He’s like this beam you can’t look away from, this tall broad angel with eyes that look at you as if you’re actually worth something.

He breaks off, uttering a pained "Jesus Christ" and you're sure he's going to yell at you about Paul just like Maria did.

You’re sure he’ll run from the room shouting that you’re selfish. Positive that he’ll tell you that you’re not worth all this hassle.

Instead Joel does something you're not expecting.

He crosses the room over to you and slips to his knees, holding you around the middle before he presses his forehead gently against your abdomen. It shocks you, this action and this pose from him. He sits like this in silence for several minutes, holding you, breathing against you in heavy shudders. Your hands are on his broad shoulders, glancing down at him in confusion.

"I'm so sorry," he finally whispers, a little murmur against you. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"I didn't need you to be," you insist, your hand going to his neck, urging his face up to look at you. He won't move his face from where it is lodged against your stomach. He can’t.

"But I should have been," Joel insists, his voice a low rasp.

“It was so long ago.”

Almost six months since the awful incident. And you don’t carry it with you, not like Joel apparently has because now his head tilts back from your abdomen.

"I never should have walked away that day. I should have stayed. If I had none of this Tess and Paul shit would have happened. I would’ve gone back with you to Chicago." Joel's voice sounds thick with escaping emotion. "I ruined us."

His beautiful eyes open and you watch as tears slip down his cheek. You suppose that's what makes you freeze up, your heart sinking. You've never seen Joel cry before and the sight is as shocking as it is heartbreaking.

"Forgive me," he whispers brokenly. "Please."

You can see the anguish in his features and realize he's been living in it since you got back. This hellish landscape of grief and regret. He's been wearing it like armor weighing him down.

"Nothing to forgive," you tell him honestly, your knuckles trailing down his cheek to wipe the tears away. "Joel it was never a matter of fault. It was just how things happened."

His head drops against your stomach again and you can feel his strong shoulders begin to quake jerkily.

"I was fucking weak."

"You were human," you reply, rubbing at his shoulders, wanting to soothe him as much as he wants to soothe you. "You couldn't have known."

"I just left you there, all hollow and quiet and I walked away," Joel's voice is ragged. "I should have stayed. That's what you do when you love someone."

Love.

It hits you with a strong, visceral acuity. Starting in your rib cage and then spreading outward, causing everything in your body to wake up. It makes you breathless to hear it, though you've long suspected it, secretly hoped for it.

"Joel-"

"I'll never stop being sorry for it," Joel tells you simply, his face tilting up to look into yours. "Never."

Without thinking your hand is gently carding through his tousled curls. His eyes shutter closed as he leans into your hands. The moment is overwhelming in austerity and you need to break it.

"Not even if I asked nicely?" you say with a teasing lilt to your voice.

His eyes open and he gives you a small, watery smile before he stands. He towers over you again, taking your face in his wide hands and now it’s you leaning into his touch.

"I'd do anything you asked."

And all at once you know he's going to kiss you and that you want him to.

He tilts his head forward and lips move over yours so gently that you sigh into his mouth. Your entire body sags towards him and instead of the fervent kisses from not that long ago, this kiss is different. It’s soft and sweet and unhurried. His soft lips move over yours, taking time to memorize how your pliant mouth moves under his, the way you inhale softly when you break apart, his wide hands still cupping your face.

Tess.

Marmalade.

Selfish.

"I'm sorry I called," you sniff, tilting your face from him. "I never should have done that. You should go, Joel."

"You want me to go?" Joel's voice is a low aching sound. You can't look at him. You can't look into those intense, beautiful eyes of his so instead you face away from him.

"Yes."

You feel yourself floundering, that unmistakable voice in your head screaming to run. Run from the conflict. Run from your feelings.

Run. Run.

"You're lyin'," Joel insists.

"I'm not."

You feel his strong fingers on either side of your chin, dragging your face to meet his. But still your eyes remain closed.

"Look at me."

You shake your head the best that you can in his grip.

"I can't have you here, Joel. I'm sorry I called you, it was wrong.”

Joel's hand is flying to slide around the back of your neck. "Stop."

"You’re with Tess," you insist with a shake of your head, pulling back from his sweet touch. "She's perfect for you. She'll make the best mom to Sarah. It makes sense, Joel. You have to see that."

"I broke it off with Tess," Joel bites off. “I don’t want Tess.”

Your eyes fly open."What?"

"How could I keep dating her? I knew I couldn't stop wanting you. I never will." Joel feels his neck growing warm. "And she told me what she asked you to do, to stay away from Sarah."

You nod brokenly, feeling the tears gathering just at the memory compounded by this new guilt.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I just want what's best for you and Sarah. A chance at a real family."

You've ruined this for him. Joel's chance at a family, something for himself. Something for his own. Selfish like your dad.

"Go back to Tess, Joel. Tell her it was a mistake."

"I'm not gonna do that."

"You have to, Joel. She wants you."

“And you don’t?”

It hangs there, the truth between you. If you admit it, it’s over. Any pretense you would have carried is gone. He’ll choose you because of this unknowable, untenable connection. But you’re not good for him. You’re not the kind of woman Joel Miller needs. You’ll take and take from him, leaving him with nothing in the end. It’s how your father operates, and you are your father’s daughter. Your engagement isn't even officially off. You're moving to Chicago. So what? You'll confess you love Joel? Make him feel compelled to follow you to Chicago? And what about Sarah? You're going to disrupt her life too? How is that not the most selfish thing in the world?

“No.”

Saying it physically hurts.

You love Joel. You love this man in front of you. And it’s precisely that love that sends you pushing back from him. But you’re stopped by his hand on the back of your neck again, holding you there.

"Don't," Joel says through clenched teeth."Don't stand there and lie to me of all people. You wanna lie to yourself? Fine, but not to me. Never to me. I don’t deserve it."

It is. It is a fucking lie.

"Tell me the truth," Joel urges gently, pleading. "Tell me to my face that you don't want me as much as I want you.”

You try to form the words that tell him exactly that, but you can't.

They don't exist.

Joel nods in understanding, his warm eyes even warmer. But he can see the fear in your expression, the panic.

"Just let me take care of you tonight," Joel whispers, his thumb stroking your cheek. "Please."

You're trembling against his palm, tears coating your lashes. "Okay."

Joel seems surprised by your easy acceptance but he nods, reaching down to take your hand in his.

"Let's go to bed."

You follow him without question to the bed. He shrugs off his jacket, watching you watching him. You're eyes are owlish in your face, the tension clear. Joel brings himself up on the bed still dressed in his jeans and shirt. He lays overtop the sheet before bringing it back for you to crawl under.

You hesitate. There is nothing more enticing than the thought of Joel making love to you right now. But it feels wrong, rushed. Too many things going on in your mind.

"I just wanna hold you," Joel explains when he sees your eyes nervously move from him to the bed. "If that's okay?"

Relief floods you and you nod, moving under the covers of your bed. And all the aching loneliness, all the terror of being lost? It’s gone. It’s gone the second you snuggle up against Joel in your bed.

His broad hand moves through your hair gently, moving it back from your flushed face before stroking it in tenderly. He stares at you, barely blinking. You muse that you could have entire conversations like this, just staring into each other's eyes. That perhaps you're having one right now.

His eyes are so soft. How can a man made up of sharp angles and broad planes look at you with eyes so fucking soft?

"How can you look at me like that?" you ask blinking through new tears. "After everything I've told you how can you lie there and look at me like I'm not a piece of shit?"

"Because you're not," Joel replies swiftly. "None of what your dad did is your fault. How could it be?"

"If I was there-"

"He'd still be using," Joel tells you simply. "And he'd have a new thing or person to blame for it."

"Even if that's true," you insist. "I'm his kid. I should go back."

"You're telling me if I told a grown up Sarah she had to move back home to take care of me, even if I'd barely been in her life, even if she had a whole life somewhere else, you'd tell her she was selfish for not doing it?"

Your eyes widen. Sarah. Sweet, genuine Sarah. No, you wouldn't blame her. But that's Sarah.

"She's just a kid-"

"Same age as when your dad started." Joel's eyes are watery. "How come you're so unkind to yourself? Why don't you think you deserve good things?"

"A lifetime of experience," you reply darkly.

///

And for a moment there is sudden clarity for Joel that hits him in such a way he's shocked he never understood it as easily before.

In the job you chose, in the immediately natural way you were with the screaming Daniel, even quicker than you were with his sweet and calm Sarah.

In the way these animals, hurt and abandoned and ignored are so much more than just pitiful creatures that pass along your desk in files.

You see yourself in them.

You see yourself in their haunted eyes and terrible histories. You see it in the plaintive cry of the frustrated Daniel. In this world that turns its back and its ears to them you want desperately to embrace them, to hold them to you and communicate a perfect, unending love for them.

Because no one did that for you.

Your mom tried, Joel is sure of it. But love is hard to share when so much of it is reserved for a husband in constant crisis. When you're a frazzled mother working two jobs to keep your mortgage and your marriage and family together. Love is there of course, but it's not overt. Not like you crave.

The kind of love that Maria gives you without question. The kind of love Joel would give to you every fucking day if you said you wanted him to be yours.

"I know I have no right to ask you to stay or demand anything from you, but, fuck, please don't do this," Joel whispers earnestly. "Don't move back to Chicago."

You're silent.

“If you do you’ll never come back,” Joel murmurs, his voice full of so many emotions it would be impossible to pick just one. “I know you. You’d sacrifice everything for him.”

“I. . . I don’t. . .”

Your eyes are so heavy, almost as heavy as your heart. You’ve shared so much with Joel, brought up so many painful memories it feels like you’ve run a marathon. Your head tilts against the pillow.

"Go to sleep, baby," Joel tells you, holding himself back from kissing you. "I'm here. Just sleep."

When you finally fall asleep Joel continues to look at you. His dark eyes travel the curve of your cheek, takes in the length of your lashes and the way your mouth looks half open in sleep. He memorizes each part of your face knowing that this may be his only chance to do so.

You’re engaged. You still have that connection to your parents in Chicago. There is so much that exists in this world to take you away from him.

He still sees it this way, outside forces wanting to rip you from him, as if he has some claim on you. He doesn't care if Paul gave you a ring. You’re his. You’re his and he has never stopped feeling this way, even though he's tried. He doesn't know he'll ever stop.

He stops himself from kissing your sleeping mouth on more than one occasion during the night, desperate for that contact if this is really the end.

It can't be the end. It can't.

You sigh in your sleep, shuffling closer against him for warmth or for comfort. Joel allows this, his eyes skipping closed at the calm your nearness brings him.

I'll never ask for anything as long as I live. Just let her be mine.

He finally falls asleep with your soft breathing in the crook of his neck

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #smut #dad joel miller #fanfic #fanfiction #joel miller #pedro pascal

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punkette1026 · 3 months

Text

You Are Not My Mom Part 2

Summary:

In the aftermath of Sarah outburst, Joel tries to make you see that Sarah didn't mean what she said and wants you to come back home. However, you're own doubts about your place in the family keeps you from doing that. You didn't know if you were ready to face your daughter and the cruel revelation that you would never be her real mother.

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Bullying

Words:6,973

Pedro Pascal Master List

You Are Not My Mom Masterlist

Notes:

Thank you for all the support. Wow and to think that I was going to give this story up and throw it way. I really hope you like part 2. I didn't plan on writing on initially, but you all convinced me to do a part 2.

“Hi mom, can we talk?”

“Does your dad know where you are?” You really hoped that Joel understood your note and didn’t send Sarah over here to apologize before either of you were ready. You didn’t want to hear an unmeaningful apology if she didn’t mean it. You were not in the mood.

“No, he thinks that I’m in my room. Can I please come in? I really need to talk to you,” Sarah pleaded with you. She knew that she had a lot to make up for and it would start with an apology.

Sighing, you sat on the window seal and rubbed your temples. You had a massive headache. “I don’t know Sarah. It’s...it’s just a lot right now okay. I know you hate me right now, so if your dad put you up to this, I don’t want to hear it. Just go home and we can talk about this later alright.”

“Mom, wait please!” Sarah cried out as you went to close the window. “I really am sorry mom. Dad has nothing to do with this, I swear.”

You wanted to believe her, but her words from earlier still hit you strong. This was all happening so fast and too soon. “How...how do I know that you are telling the truth Sarah? How do I know that this isn’t some twisted game of yours to get back at me for whatever I did to you? Whatever it may be Sarah, I didn’t mean to hurt you or make your life miserable.”

Sarah's eyes began to well up with tears, “I know that mom and I swear that this isn't some trick. I really didn't mean to say what I said. I was just angry, and I took it out on you.”

“Sometimes our true feelings come out when we are angry Sarah. I never meant to make you feel like you weren't my daughter.”

“I know mom, but...”

“Sarah? Sarah Miller, where are you?!” The booming sound of Joel’s voice filled the air behind her.

“Like I said Sarah, you should go back. You're going to give your dad a heart attack and get into trouble."

“But...but”

Reaching out from the window you gently wiped the tears from her face and thankfully this time she didn't pull away, “no buts Sarah, I promise that tomorrow morning we will all sit down and work this out. For now, though, I need you to go.”

“Sarah!” Joel called out again.

“Go on,” you said a little louder this time. Your heart and voice broke as you saw her bottom lip quivering. Sarah just nodded and hung her head low as she turned around to leave. However, before she got too far, you called out to her to give her some parting words, “Sarah! Just know that I love you with all my heart sweetie. Nothing will ever change that. You will always be my daughter despite how you currently feel or how you think you feel right now. Just remember that and I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

Looking back at you with her big brown tear filled eyes, she gave you a small sad smile, “I love you too mom and again I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Hearing the hurt in her voice, you quickly shut the window as a loud sob escaped your lips. It was so loud that Maria came bursting through the door as you slid down to the floor. “Oh my god Y/N, what happened?” She ran over to you and when she looked at the window, she saw a distraught Sarah walking back home. “Was that Sarah? What does she do?”

“She...she...she came over to talk, but...but I just couldn't do it Maria. I... I couldn't get those words of hers out of my mind,” you cried. “I am such a horrible mother!”

“No, you aren't Y/N. Don't you say that! You were just overwhelmed, that's all. It's all going to be okay, you'll see. It was just too soon. You both need to think about what happened and discuss this with her again tomorrow.”

“That’s...that’s what I told her, but she... She just looks so heartbroken.” You couldn't get the look of hers as she walked away out of your mind.

Maria just held you as you cried. She couldn't help but have so much sympathy for you right now. She didn't know what she would do if she was in your shoes. Yes, Sarah was just a kid and yes, she made a mistake, but she needed to learn how her words and attitude could hurt people. Maria knew how hard you tried to make a difference in both her and Joel's lives. You were the missing piece that they were looking for.

“You listen here Y/N, I know how much you are hurting, but I really think this overnight separation will do all three of you some good. You all need time to process your feelings and figure out what to say to each other tomorrow. It's better going into this with everyone thinking straight.”

“I...I guess that I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that we won't get past this, and things will never be the same again. How will I know that this won't happen again? That anytime there is a disagreement or something, that this won't be brought up again?” All of these uncertainties were making your head hurt. The anxiety and fear were really starting to cloud your judgment. Maybe Maria was right, and that it was best to take this time to ease those doubts and feelings. You didn't want to make this worse by rushing into things.

“Those are all valid questions Y/N and maybe tomorrow you'll be able to work those out with Joel and Sarah. For now, though. Let's get you off of this floor and get some food in you. I made us some lunch, and those babies of yours must be starving,” Maria then helped you to your feet and you felt a wave of nausea hit you, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine,” you tried to play it off. “You are right, maybe some food will do me some good. Thank you again for everything Maria. I really do appreciate it. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

“Don't mention it. It's what family does. Now let's go eat!”

While you and Maria walked to the kitchen, next door, Joel was going crazy looking for his daughter. He had walked into Sarah’s room to check on her but found the room empty. Panic began to set in as he looked over and saw the window open.

“Sarah! Sarah, where are you?!” He feared that you either took off or worse. “Sarah Miller, answer me now!”

“I'm right here!” She called out to him popping up in the window.

“Jesus Christ Sarah, what are you doing out there? Do you realize how scared I was? Go around to the front,” he raised his voice at her. He didn't mean to yell, but he was just so scared. When he met Sarah at the front door, he took her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Joel then began to check her over.

Sarah got frustrated and pushed him away, “Dad, dad stop I'm fine! I only went next door to see mom and to see if I could talk to her. I didn't mean to scare you.”

“Oh, well you still should have told me or at least left a note or something," he huffed as they went to sit on the couch. “What did mom say?”

“She... She barely even spoke to me,” Sarah whispered. “I wanted to apologize and bring her back home, but she just told me that she wasn't ready yet and that she would be home tomorrow. Why won't she come home dad? We can work this out now!”

“Come here baby girl,” Joel cooed to her as he pulled her into a hug. “I want her here too, but we are just going to have to play it by her terms. She is also hurting in this too. I really hope you learned a valuable lesson here Sarah. I do know that she loves you more than anything though. She is right, we will work this out tomorrow and there is no other way around it.”

“Are... Are you sure?”

Joel looked down at his tear soaked daughter, “yes baby girl, with my life. She'll walk through that door tomorrow, we'll sit right here, and you'll get a chance to apologize and explain your behavior. Everything will be fine, you'll see.”

“She should still come home though. If she needs space, then I can stay in my room. I’ll do whatever she wants.”

Joel could see the desperation on his daughter's face. “Sarah, I know that, but we really need to listen and follow what your mom wants here, even if we don't like it. All this dress isn't good for her or the babies. Let's just let her relax for the night alright. I promise that I'll call her later and extend the offer and try to get her to come home, but we may just have to wait till tomorrow.”

“Alright fine, but in the meantime, can... Can I stay out here with you? It's a little lonely in my room.”

“Of course you can, I would love nothing more. Why don't you go get your stuff? I need to call your uncle Tommy and check up on him while you do that.”

Sarah nodded, but stopped briefly to muster up a smile the best that she could, “I love you dad.”

“I love you too Sarah.”

Later on, that evening after a quiet dinner of just peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches, Sarah and Joel remained in the living room trying to find comfort in each other’s company. Sure, you have left them alone with each other plenty of times over the years and it was always just the two of them before you were in the picture, but this time it was different. It was like the warmth in the house was gone. The usual laughter that also filled the air was now mute, leaving the house cold and quiet.

Getting up to excuse himself for just a few minutes, Joel went upstairs to your room and made sure the door was fully closed behind him, before he sat down on the bed. Pulling out his phone, his finger found your name and hovered over it for just a second. He knew that you needed your space, but he just had to hear your voice.

“Hello,” you tiredly answered after a ring or two.

“Hey darlin, how are you feeling?” He asked you nervously. He hadn't been this nervous since he had asked you to marry him.

“I'm OK, just tired,” you said softly. “How's everything going over there? Sarah in trouble for sneaking over here earlier?”

Joel got off the bed and went over to the window. There he could see you swinging on the porch swing. “No, not at all, but she just about gave me a damn heart attack. She is in trouble for everything else though. Look Y/N, I don't wanna talk about this over the phone. Can I just come see you for a few minutes? Then I'll let you get some rest.”

From where you were sitting, you could see Joel standing in the window looking down at you, “Yes, you can come down here. I think it will be good for us to speak and figure things out before tomorrow. Besides, I miss that grumpy face of yours.”

“It's not grumpy,” Joel mumbled as he walked downstairs. “And you are right, we do need to talk. Let me get Sarah settled then I'll head over okay.”

“OK sounds good, I love you, Joel.”

“I love you too darlin.”

Sarah watched as he hung up the phone and went to put on his jacket, “Where are you going?”

“Next door real quick. Why don't you go get ready for bed and I'll be back in a while,” he told her.

She quickly jumped to her feet, “Are you going to see mom? Can I go?”

“I'm afraid not right now okay. Your mom and I need to discuss some things first. You'll get your chance, I promise now off to bed.”

“Fine, but can you at least tell her I said hi,” she pouted.

“Of course, I will. And just so you know, I’m proud of you Sarah. You know, for trying to step up and doing the right thing. That you are willing to make amends for your actions to your mother,” he told her as walked her to her room.

“Thanks dad and you are right, she never deserved any of that. She has only been gone for a few hours and I already miss her,” she said sadly.

“You and me both kid. Let me just try to talk to her okay. You don’t need to be worried about anything else right now.”

“Okay, are you going to be gone long?”

Joel looked at his watch and saw that it was already getting late, “I don’t know, but you just try to get some rest. If you need anything, I’ll be next door. Just text me.” He then placed a kiss on the top of her head and sent her to bed.

Feeling like Sarah was going to be okay for the night, Joel went to the kitchen to quickly make him a cup of coffee and you, some tea. It was something that he would do when you two would stay up late talking whether it was just catching up on the day's events or just snuggling up on the back porch next to the fire pit that he built. It was actually one of your favorite things to do.

When both cups were ready to go, Joel carefully picked them up and began making his way to you, hoping that he didn’t burn himself along the way.

You couldn’t help but smile as you watched him walk through the grass with such concentration, “Took you long enough Miller. Thought you ditched me.”

“I would never doll. I just thought you would like some tea before bed,” he then handed you your cup as he took a seat next to you.

“Thank you,” you smiled weakly at him. “Man, what I wouldn’t kill for an actual drink right now.”

Joel just shook his head and grabbed your blanket that had fallen to the floor. “I know, what a rough day huh?”

“You can say that again. How did things get so out of control so fast? When I woke up this morning, I never thought I would be sitting here hiding from my daughter who hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you doll,” he told you and pulled you into him. “Far from it. I know for a fact that she didn’t mean what she said. Sarah was just going through some things and took all her frustrations out on you.”

“That still doesn’t make it right Joel. Yes, I know that she is still a kid, but Sarah needs to know that she can’t lash out like that on people that love and care about her. I thought we taught her better than that and I thought we taught her that if there is a problem, she could always come to us.”

Joel could see the discomfort on your face as he brought his hands up and took it into his hands, “I know that darlin and so does Sarah. I’m not going to sit here and make excuses for her. She made a mistake and now she is paying for it. She was in the wrong 100%. That’s why she tried to come over and see you earlier. She wants to make it up to you and let you in on what has been going on with her.”

“And I do appreciate that Joel, but I just wasn’t ready to hear it yet. Everything just happened so fast, and I needed time to process everything.” Even after your talk with Maria, you still had plenty of worries and doubts.

“Yeah, I guess you are right,” Joel sighed. “We really want you to come home though. I know it’s just an overnight separation, but this is killing us. Home just isn’t the same knowing that you are over here hurting. Despite how much we want to work things out with you, I don’t want to pressure you into anything that is going to make you uncomfortable. Just like I told Sarah, we are going to go at your pace. Whenever you are ready to work things out, I’ll be there to help you both in any way that I can.”

“I...I guess I just need a couple of reassurances before I do come back Joel.”

He quickly nodded his head up and down as he was willing to do anything to get you to come back to him. “Yes darlin, whatever you want. Whatever is going to allow us to move on from this and get you and Sarah talking.”

Sitting up more, you placed your cup on the floor, so you could take his hands into yours, “I don't mean to sound like a bitch or come off as controlling Joel, but I just don't want this to happen again, and I am terrified that it will.”

“I promise you that it won't darlin. I assure you that this will never happen again. Just tell me what I can do to make you understand that.”

“Well for one, we still need to come into this as a team. I’m afraid that and I know I may be reaching here, but I'm afraid that when the babies get here and as they get older, I don't want me not being Sarah's biological mother to come into play. I don't want that to be used on me in any way. I AM the mother to all three of our kids. Then I need to know that this will not become a habit either. That the next time that Sarah gets into trouble, she won't want to speak to me or see me, because I'm not her real parent and you are. Hearing her say those words really hurt me, Joel. I have spent most of the evening sitting here questioning if I have been a good mother figure to her and if I will be a good mother to the babies. And maybe I am being a little selfish here, but I don't like this feeling of having my kids hating me.”

You burst into tears and Joel immediately took you into his arms, “Oh doll, she doesn't hate you, I swear. I am so fucking sorry that she made you feel this way. You are not a bad mother at all. I can guarantee that. You are fucking fantastic. Sarah and the babies are damn lucky to have you as their mom. I promise you that this will never happen again. I think Sarah has learned her lesson too. I have never seen that girl walk around with so much guilt and shame on her shoulders. When we sit down and talk, I will let her know that we are her parents whether she likes it or not and that while I'll admit, I have been a little lenient with her with because this is the first time something like this has happened, but the next time something disrespectful like this comes out of her mouth again, there will be more severe consequences. You just need to hear her out Y/N. Everything will sort of make sense then I hope.”

“You…you swear?”

“Of course I do doll. Sarah keeps asking me the same thing and just like I told her, I promise you with my life, that everything is going to work out. You just have to trust me,” he gently reached out and wiped the tears from your eyes. “Besides I don’t think I will be able to sleep without you. This old man needs all the sleep that he can get before these two little rugrats get here.”

You looked down at where he had placed his hand on your belly, “You aren't that old Joel and I thought you said that you don't need that much sleep anyways?” You hated it when, even if he was playing, when he called himself old. He wasn’t that old, and he had the stamina of men your age.

“I don’t need that much sleep when it comes to mommy and daddy time, but I have a feeling these little ones are going to give me a run for my money,” he smiled as he felt the babies fluttering underneath his hand. “So will you come home, or do you still need time to yourself?”

If he had asked you that over the phone, you would have said no, but after having the face to face conversation with him and having him try to ease your doubts, that gave you the reassurances that you were looking for. “Yes Joel, I'll come home. I honestly don't think that I would be able to sleep that much without you either. Do you think we can stay here just for a little while longer? It's peaceful out here.”

“Of course, doll, whatever you want. Oh, and before I forget, Sarah told me to tell you hi. Like I said, she is really trying.”

“And I appreciate that. Hopefully when we all wake up in the morning, we can talk. For now, though, I just want to sit here and look at the stars.”

So that is what the two of you did. The two of you remained on the porch just making small talk and looking at the stars till you got quiet. When Joel looked down, he found you fast asleep, snuggling into his chest. It was time to go home now.

“Come on doll, let's get you to bed,” he whispered softly to you as he moved a stray hair out of your face.

“Carry me,” you mumbled as you wrapped your arms around his neck and snuggled deeper into him.

“You are such a brat, but I love it,” he chuckled to himself, but nevertheless lifted you into his arms and made sure that he didn’t jostle you around too much.

As he carefully carried you down the steps, Tommy opened the door to come and check on you. “Oh, hey bro, what are you doing here?” He and Maria were trying to give you some space, so they didn’t see Joel come over.

“I came over to talk with Y/N and try to talk some sense into her about coming home,” Joel explained. “She agreed to it by the way, so I'm not trying to kidnap her or anything.”

Tommy chuckled as he leaned against the door frame, “It's all good. Maria and I discussed things too and were about to come and tell her the same. This whole situation sucks, but she should be at home with you.”

“I agree and after a good night's rest for everyone, we aren't leaving the damn house until we get everyone on the same page.”

“Good, do you need any help bringing her in?”

“Yeah, if you don't mind. Once I get her into bed, I'll come over and get her things.”

Tommy nodded and followed his brother to his house making sure to open the door for him, so Joel didn’t disturb you so much. Joel then carried you upstairs and got you ready for bed. He realized just how exhausted you were as he was able to strip you out of your jeans and tuck you into bed without waking you up.

“I love you doll,” he whispered to you and placed a kiss on your lips before heading back downstairs. “Thanks for your help, Tommy. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime bro,” Tommy patted his brother on his back as they went to head over to Tommy’s.

The sounds of a door opening stopped them. “Dad, Uncle Tommy, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Sarah asked, peeking out of her door.

“Everything is fine baby girl. Go back to bed. Tommy was just helping me get your mom inside.”

Sarah's eyes lit up, “What, mom's home? Where is she?” She rushed out of the room trying to spot you.

“Whoa, whoa hold on there,” Joel stopped her. “Yes, she is home, but she is upstairs sleeping. You can go see her in the morning. Why don't you go back to your room, and I'll come see you when I'm done.”

“Fine, but can I at least get a glass of water first?”

“Sure, but then it’s right to bed young lady and I mean it. I'll be back in a bit.”

Once he and Tommy left, Sarah huffed as she went to the kitchen. Filling up her glass of water, Sarah couldn’t help but anxiously tap her foot. While she was happy that Joel had somehow got you to come home, the need to see you and physically see that you were home, didn’t allow Sarah to listen to her father. So, she set her cup down and headed upstairs to see you.

She slowly made her way up the stairs with them creaking with every step that she took. Walking down the hall, Sarah's heart began to race. With a shaky hand, she slowly opened the door and peeked inside. To her surprise, she didn’t see you in bed like Joel said that you were. Inside, the sheets were thrown back, but she could see your shoes on the floor. “Mom?” she called out to the empty room.

“Joel?” She heard a call from the bathroom. That's when you walked out half asleep, having changed into your pajamas. “Oh Sarah…umm, h-hi.”

“H-hi mom…” Sarah said awkwardly. “I umm…I thought dad said that you were asleep.”

“I was, but I had to get up and use the bathroom,” you told her. “It's getting late, shouldn’t you be in bed too?” You quickly winced, “I…I mean it's just that it's been a long day and all. If your dad said that you could stay up, that’s fine. I didn’t mean to boss you around.”

“Mom, mom, stop please, it's okay,” Sarah stopped you as she heard the panic in your voice. “Dad actually told me to go to bed, but I-I just wanted to see you one last time. I know that you said that we could talk tomorrow, but I just really needed to tell you that I was sorry again. I know that you don't believe me, but I really am sorry mom. I didn't mean to chase you away.”

As much as you didn't want to be having this conversation right now, there was no way that you were going to turn her away again. “Sarah, come sit,” you told her as you sat on the bed, “You, you didn't really chase me away. I mean it did play a part, but I really needed to get out and clear my head. Since you were so keen on talking with your father, I decided to give you and I some space. And it's…it's hard for me to believe you when I saw and felt the anger coming out of you. I really don't know what I did to make you hate me so much.”

“I don't hate you mom, I swear. I-I was just angry and took it out on you,” she explained as tears filled her eyes. “S-see, there is this group of girls at school that have been giving me a hard time, especially when they brought you into it.”

“Bring me into it? But why? What did I do?”

Sarah looked down like she was ashamed, “They were making fun of me for having such a young mom. They kept calling you a gold digger and that's why I punched one of them. They just wouldn't stop.”

You gasped and your face grew red with embarrassment and anger. You felt totally guilty. In the beginning of you and Joel's relationship, your age gap caused whispers amongst your friends and family. Neither of you cared though. You loved each other and that's all that mattered to you and Sarah was too young to understand or care about why people whispered about you two. Never once did you think as she got older, that her peers would start doing the same.

“Sarah, I am so sorry. I-I didn't even think about how you felt about mine and your dad's relationship. You have never said anything or showed that it bothered you until now, so we didn't even stop and think about your feelings. Does…does…it really bother you?”

Sarah shook her head, “No, it never did, because I didn’t care. It's just that they kept bringing it up every single day for the past month and then they started to say things like you were only with dad for his money and that these babies were going to be some sort of meal ticket, at least I think that's what they said. I guess I just let it all go to my head. I let myself believe what they were saying, and I took my anger out on you.”

“Listen to me Sarah Miller, none of those things are true, I can promise you that. Your dad and I love each other regardless of how much older he is than me and it’s only really like a ten year difference. And I don’t care about how much money he has. He could be poor and living out of his car and I would still love him. The only things I need in life are you, him, and these babies. Nothing else matters,” you reached out and took her hands into yours.

“I know you do mom and I know those girls were just looking to make trouble. But…but it wasn't just those things either,” she admitted. “They…they were saying things like how you must be glad that I’m only your step daughter. That there was no way that you would want me as your biological daughter. That…that you don’t really love me.”

Hearing the cry that came out of her mouth, you pulled her into your arms and held her tight. Tears of your own ran down your cheeks as you rocked her. “Oh sweetheart, I do love you. I love you with all my heart. You are my girl whether you share my blood or not. I could never imagine my life without you in it. Did you know that before I met you or your dad, I never wanted kids or a family. I always thought that I was going to be alone forever. Then all it took was meeting you and I instantly changed my mind. I wanted to be your dad’s wife and your momma.”

“R-really?”

“Yes, really Sarah. You made me realize what I was missing in my life. I loved spending every moment that I had with you. I loved and still love going out and doing all those girly things that your dad doesn’t like doing. I love sitting on the couch with you gossiping or you helping me out with dinner. I swear to you Sarah, the day that you called me mom, that was one of the best days of my life. I have never once thought of you as my step daughter. You ARE my daughter, and you will always be.”

“And…and when I said that you weren’t my mom?”

Ugh, just hearing her say those words again tore you apart. “It was one of the worst things ever, Sarah. It broke me to hear you say that. It was like my entire world shattered. It felt like I didn't have a purpose anymore, because I loved being your mom.”

“I-I sorry mom. I-I never meant to make you feel that way. I was just mad, and I guess jealous that the babies were going to have a connection to you that I would never get to have. Instead of talking to you and dad about it, I just chose to hold it in and then lash out at you.”

“Like I said earlier Sarah, blood means nothing to me. You are equally as my daughter just as much as these babies are. No one is going to treat you any differently. Not on my watch. I just really hope that you learned just how much your words can affect people Sarah.” You never wanted her to treat anyone disrespectfully again just because she was angry and refused to talk about it.

“Yes mom, I definitely learned my lesson,” she nodded. “I know that I should have told you about the bullying sooner and I should have never hit that girl either. Instead, I should have told a teacher or even the principal.”

“Well, as much as I do not condone violence, I think I will let this one slide. Also, I know it might sound crazy and I am now way rewarding you, because I stand by whatever punishment that your dad gave you, but I want to give you something.” You then got up and went over to your jewelry box. You pulled the item out from its box and went to sit back down beside Sarah. “This locket has been passed down to every first born daughter in the family. My mom gave it to me and now. I want to give it to you.”

Handing it to her, Sarah’s eyes lit up as she inspected the locket that Joel had told her about too. It was a 14k gold heart shaped locket that hung on a simple gold chain. Various small hummingbirds, a family symbol throughout the years, were engraved on it with a tiny keyhole in the middle.

“Press this button here,” you showed her as you pointed to the tiny ribbon looking button on the side.

When Sarah pressed it and it popped open, on the inside was a small picture of you and her that Joel had taken last year. “Wow, thank you mom!” Sarah said happily as she gave you a big hug. “I love it! Does this mean that you forgive me now?”

“Yes Sarah, I forgive you. Just please promise me that you will come and talk to me the next time something is bothering you okay,” you pleaded with her.

“I promise mom. Can you put it on me? I want to wear it to bed,” she asked as she handed you the locket back and turned around. With pleasure, you happily put it on her and smiled brightly. You had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Looking down at the locket secured nicely on her neck, Sarah gave you another big hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so much!”

“I love you too Sarah and thank you for letting me be your mom,” you hugged her back.

Just then loud thumping filled the room as Joel sprinted up the stairs and threw the door open, startling the both of you. “Dad!” “Joel!”

“Jesus there you are!” He breathed heavily. “You need to stop sneaking off Sarah Miller!”

The both of you just laughed at his grumpy out of breath red face. “I’m sorry dad, but Mom and I were just talking.”

Joel saw the locket wrapped around her neck and smiled. That was a good sign that you two had hopefully made up. “Oh yeah, and?”

“And everything is perfect,” you smiled and walked over to him. “It is getting pretty late though, so I think it’s time that we go to bed. We can finish talking in the morning. I have a feeling we will all be sleeping in.”

“If we all wake up late, do you think we can all go out for breakfast?” Sarah asked, trying not to get her hopes up. She knew that she didn’t deserve anything else after the way that she had acted.

You and Joel just looked at each other and neither of you seemed to have an issue with that request. “Yeah, I guess that will be fine. Just as long as you stay in your room this time. I swear the both of you are going to give me a damn heart attack.”

“Oh, don’t be such a big baby,” you rolled your eyes at him.

“Yeah dad, we already have two on the way and I don’t think we need anymore,” Sarah also chimed in. Things were already starting to go back to normal.

“Haha, very funny,” he pouted. “Those babies better be boys. I’m getting tired of being outnumbered here.”

You just huffed and leaned up to place a kiss on his pouty lips. “Sorry baby, but I have a feeling that we have two little girls in the way. You better get used to being a girl dad. What do you think, Sarah?”

She thought about it and shrugged her shoulders, “I really don’t have a preference. I’ll be happy with brothers or sisters. Heck, maybe it’s both!”

“Yeah, that could be it too. I wouldn’t mind one of each,” you smiled. “Anyways, off to bed missy. We will finish giving your dad a hard time in the morning.” You looked up at Joel who was rolling his eyes at you.

“Okay, I love you mom,” she hugged you tightly. Tonight, her hugs felt just a little more special.

“I love you too sweetie.”

Sarah then gave Joel a hug of his own, “I love you too dad.”

“I love you too baby girl. Sleep tight.”

Once she went back to her room this time, Joel took you into his arms. “How are you really doing doll? You figure everything out?”

“Yes, like I said, everything is perfect. We talked things out and I think that I can put all my doubts aside. I know this will never happen again. Oh, and just so you know, the school is going to get one hell of a phone call on Monday. No one bullies my daughter and gets away with it.”

“Okay easy there momma bear. Let’s wait to go full nuke mode until after your doctor’s appointment. Right now, I just want to get you into bed and have some snuggle time till we fall asleep.”

“Or…we can stay up just a little while longer,” you bit your lip as you slowly began to undo the button of his flannel.

Joel’s eyebrows rose as he caught on, “Oh yeah, yeah, we can do that too. In fact, I insist on it.” He then lifted you up and placed you back on the bed. Needless to say, neither of you went to bed for a while.

Monday morning came around too quickly after a nice relaxing weekend. The three of you hung out around the house watching movies and took Sarah out to brunch like she had asked. Now the three of you were at your doctor’s appointment getting ready for your ultrasound.

“So that will let us see the babies?” Sarah asked the doctor. She had asked a million questions already and the doctor didn’t seem to mind as she answered every single one. Both you and Joel decided that you wanted to involve her more in the pregnancy as this was a big transition.

“Yes, it will. We’ll be able to see how big they are and everything,” the doctor explained. “Are we wanting to know what the genders are if it’s possible?”

You wanted to, but you looked at Joel to see if it was okay with him too. “It’s up to you doll,” he smiled. “I’m okay with whatever you want.”

Taking his hand, you gave it a firm squeeze and turned back to the doctor, “That would be wonderful, yes please.”

“Alright then, let’s take a look.” The doctor then put the wand on your growing belly. After doing a quick check up on the babies and answering more of Sarah’s questions, she then began looking for the genders. “Well, if my eyes aren’t deceiving me, I would say…congratulations mommy and daddy, you are having…two little boys!”

Your eyes instantly filled with tears as you looked over at Joel who had a proud grin on his face. He got his boys. “Now who is outnumbered,” he laughed as he leaned down and placed a kiss on your lips.

“I guess you really are my number one girl aren’t you,” you said to Sarah as she intensely stared at the ultrasound photo that the doctor gave her.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Us women need to stick together now. We are surrounded by Miller men.”

“I think that we can handle it. We are smarter than them anyways,” you winked at her.

“Hey,” Joel pouted. “That’s not fair. Can we please refrain from ganging up on me till the boys get here. I need my backup.”

Both you and Sarah just looked at each other and laughed. Joel pretended to be angry, but inside, he was ecstatic. He was so glad that his girls worked everything out. He missed their laughter and sparkle that the two of you had when you were together. While he wished that things didn’t play out the way that they did, he felt like his family came out stronger in the end. Now he couldn’t wait till his little boys got there, so you all could be one big happy family. It was a dream come true..

@dontjudgemyobsessionpls @goldenhxurs @tupelomiss @szde8-blog @missladym1981 @sullyrocky44 @starry-eyes-love @jasminedragoon

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #pedro x reader #joel miller #joel the last of us #pedro pascal fluff #angst with a happy ending #joel miller x reader #joel tlou

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 5 months

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Come Back to You | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: Jungkook is going off to war but you can't let him go without telling him... Pairing: Reader x Soldier Jungkook Word Count: 670 because I cried the whole time and wanted to stop. Warning: Explicit language and angst :( a/n: Yeah no I didn't think I would cry as much as I did after seeing Jungkook's/the last BTS live until Jin comes back so yeah I figured I would channel some of that into writing really quick. Obviously written in one sitting and idk it's kinda shit but oh well lmao.

"Get out of here, just go"

"Please just let me explain" he begs chasing after me into my apartment building. "You had plenty of time to explain and instead you decide to tell me that you're leaving in the morning and you're not sure if you're coming back" I say getting even more upset. "How was I supposed to tell you when you kept ignoring my calls and messages and then when I finally got the chance to see you it would only be in places where we couldn't have private conversations" he explains.

"Oh, so now it's my fault?" I question as I unlock my door and leave it open, still letting him in even though all I want to do is shut him out. "That's not what I meant" he says softly, closing it behind us and lowering his voice since he no longer has to chase after me. "Then what did you mean Jungkook? That you felt like you had no choice but to leave things left unsaid until there was no going back? Jungkook I love you" I yell, tears stinging my eyes, threatening to fall. "I love you too" he reciprocates.

"No Jungkook, I'm in love with you" I say now with a softer voice as well, hating that he had to find out like this. "I know I've always said we're just friends and that's all that we were ever going to be but I can't keep saying that because I am suffocating" I admit, finally letting some tears fall and quickly wiping them away, mad and sad and embarrassed and heartbroken and a whole other range of emotion that a human could possibly go through in moments like this.

"I've been in love with you for years and you've known that all this time. Why didn't you tell me when you realized that you felt the same way?" he says trying to take a step towards me but I in turn take a step back. "I didn't realize it until now. As much as I fucking hate to say it, you never know how much you love something until it's gone" I say, letting the tears fall freely, mad that I let myself be so immature, keeping all of these emotions inside of me for too long.

"I won't be gone forever though" he says trying to take another step towards me and me again taking another step back. "Jungkook you're going off to war, you can't just say things like that" I let out, trying to keep my voice level. "People go off to war to serve and come back safely all the time. I don't think it'll be any different for me" he says, his voice soft and reassuring.

"And what if you don't huh? What if this really is the last time I see you?" I say, getting frustrated with him all over again. "But it won't be" "YOU DON'T KNOW THAT" I yell, all of the anger and frustration built up inside of me bursting at the seams. Not caring about my want for space anymore he rushes over and pulls me in, almost crushing me from his tight embrace. "I don't want to lose you" I sob, my whole body losing it's strength as he guides both of us onto the floor and has me straddle him so he can hold me closer.

"Shh, shhh" he soothes, tears of his own starting to fall, losing the strong resolve that he had tried to keep up for my sake. "I love you" I sob, hoping that this will somehow make a difference in the outcome. "I'll come home as soon as I can. I promise" he says running his hand along my back. "What if you can't make it back? What if they keep you there for years and you stop putting in the effort to come home?" I say, breaking even more if that's even possible.

"I will never stop trying to find a way to come back to you"

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nescaveckwriter · 25 days

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Lighthouse

A/N: 🐞... Okayz my dearest love bugs, 💕 another one done for @jacklesversebingo 🥰 yayaness, I know its been a while though, But I hope y'all are gonna enjoy this one, I must say I'm super proud and, a little terrified as this is 'Supernatural' based 🫣🤭, so let me know what y'all think.🥰 Okayz much love🥰❤️🩷

Warnings: *18+ Only* Horror, Thriller, Mentions of blood, violence, angsty, little fluff, heartbreaking, drama.

Line: Tree, Clock, Rope

Characters: Dean x Fem Reader, Sam, Benny, Cas, Crowley

Words: 6700 😱🫣 I know I'm sorry.

Cover & Pictures: Pinterest, Canva, Google

Side Note: Please check out my Masterlist for more, epic stories🐞💕

The sky has turned into grey, dark clouds threatening too cover the earth with its darkness, the smell of rain is everywhere as it nourishes the earth, as you stand under the pouring rain, listening too him say, goodbye, letting the rain mix with the tears on your cheeks. Not being able too move a muscle, you just stood there unable to make a single sound, unable to ask him why, why after this long, did he want to break up with you, did he want to throw away the life you built. Weren't you enough for him no more,? Is there someone else? Why Now?

The way he said goodbye wasn't with a voice filled with anger, no, his emerald green eyes was sad, his voice almost breaking when he said "I need too let you go sweetheart" and his lips found yours instinctively, it was a soft, kiss, mixed with the taste of him, salt and rain. You didn't want him too leave, you wanted to grab ahold of him, and beg him too stay, but before you could, he got in that Chevy Impala, the engine roared and the tires screeched, as he drove off into the darkness, not a single star in the sky, its almost as if the magic of the moonlight left with him.

Its been a little over three months since he left you standing in the rain, like some dumb country song, but you somehow found a way too move through your everyday life, you were a hunter before you met Dean, and you still are, well in all honesty saving people is the only thing that got you through the days.

It isn't really a job you tell everyone about, oh heck no!, its more a work you keep too yourself, letting your family believe, your just a traveling failure, well you always did kind of feel like you lost your way over the years, but these days your numb. Your best friend Sam doesn't even talk too you anymore, you don't really have a lot of folks who you could call, and say "hey, ya know I'm not really doing well, I need a pick me up or a damn hug" no you always kept too yourself, not trusting anyone, but the day you met Dean and Sam on a hunt it changed.! Sam quickly became your best friend and well Dean soon became the only man you'll ever love, even though he had his issues. And then there was Castiel the angel, he has always felt like a beacon of hope, making you laugh with his "I don't understand that reference" sayings. But the day Dean walked out they all left, leaving you completely alone in this damn scary world. It's not the monsters that scares you, no that you get, but it's the people. Every single person you have met in your life has a hidden agenda, why can't they just be good people.

Sitting at the diner in the small town, were you were investigating strange disappearances, ordering a black coffee, the display with the different pies catching your eye. Your mind wanders off to Dean's birthday... You prepared all his favorite foods, burgers, bacon, fries, the greaser the better, and then you started with the making of his favorite pies. But somewhere along the way you forgot about the pie's in the oven, letting them burn to a crisp, after you rushed in, trying to save what's left of the charred goods, seeing it was disaster, you wouldn't be able to save it, you burst into tears, cussing yourself for messing up what's supposed to be the perfect day, you felt his strong arms pulling you towards his chest, staining his shirt with the wetness of your cheeks. He's breathe hot as he kissed you, in a loving, comforting way, reassuring you everything will be okay, it's just pie's not the end off the world.

He always did know how too comfort you, how too chase the darkness away, he was your lighthouse, so to say, showing you the way, back too the light. And now, now there's no more light too go home. No more home, just nothing.

Taking a sip of the now cold bitter coffee, that kind of taste like, old shoes, not that you'll know how that would taste like, but betting its something like this. Placing the cup down, sliding the dollar's underneath the half full cup on the diner table, you get up, throwing your ball cap on, hair hanging loose on your shoulders, taking your leather jacket and phone, you start too head out of the small town diner. Walking towards your Harley Davidson, you've always liked the way, that bunch of metal, felt roaring as you sat on that leather seat, the wind rushing through your hair, the way those gas fumes, flowed through your veins, not even to talk about the adrenaline that went with it, oh damn, you felt about your Harley like Dean felt about his impala. Seeing a giant creep checking out your bike, leaning on it, irritation in your voice "excuse, what are you doing?"

His voice rough and unpleasant "why do you care, little missy"

Walking closer, your eyes darker than usual "that's my bike"

The bald man, with his long beard, hiding his tatted neck, started to laugh "No way such a small little thing can handle that sort of horse power"

"I'm only going to ask you nicely one more time, get off my damn bike!"

Crossing his arms in front of him, "Or what? You gonna call the little cops"

"No! I'm going to make you get off my bike"

"I'd like to see you try missy"

She really wasn't in the mood for this. So she tried to shove him off, but he was on the larger side and didn't really move a single damn inch. It just made him irritated "hey come here missy" he said as he grabbed a hold of your arm, you smiled, that made him look at you all confused, but he soon realized, he should not have messed with you, as you took his fingers, and started bending them backwards, bringing the big guy down to your size. With your free hand, you punched the sucker in the face. Got up on your bike, and drove down the road too the nearest bar you could find, for information and while you where there you might as well get something to drink.

The Black Chevy Impala roared as it parked in front of the diner, Dean and Sam got out, a big guy, with a black eye, just got off the ground as they started making their way towards the door, Dean looked at the guy a smirk on his face "What happened to you buddy?"

The man mumbled "crazy biker chick"

Dean just laughed, as he figured this chick was probably part of his gang, as the beaten up guy had a biker jacket with their logo on. He still smiled but he felt stabbing pains in his heart. His sweetheart was a 'biker chick' a swell, she could handle that roaring horsepower better than most men, and man!, was she tough, so fierce and fiery, so passionate and yet so gentle, vulnerable at times, so fragile, she cared more than most, people, and beautiful, so freaking beautiful, her smile could light up a room, he fell hard for her the first time he saw her, and it just grew from there he loved her , he still loved her, but he just had too walk away, for her own safety, everyone close too him get hurt or dies. And especially with everything going on, he couldn't risk it, if someone found out, that she wasn't just another hunter, no she was the love of his life, he'd never forgive himself if something would happen too her. Sam calling his name for the fourth time pulled him out of his deep thoughts, "Hey man, you with me?"

"Yeah, yeah, just thinking I need a drink not coffee"

Sam gave him a sympathetic smile, knowing his brother probably thought of her again, he just nods and says "okay sure let's go"

The only information she got was that, some of the missing folks were last seen close too a pig farm , on the outskirts of this town.

And now, now she just sat here swallowing the vodka, it was easier than too think that Dean aren't coming back, hating how she felt , how alone and miserable, how heartbroken, she really thought that she was stronger than this, but no, she's weak and pathetic, sobbing about a man, a damn man who left her in the pouring rain. What the hell was wrong with her, she never was the kind, to be good little wife material, who would cook for her husband and bake brownies for her children's school, but the sad truth was she wanted too be all that with Dean, she would've gave up hunting, too be his wife and the mother of his children. But clearly he didn't feel the same. Thumbing away a stray tear, she gestures to the bartender , for another. The music was loud and the alcohol made her slightly lightheaded, she knew she needed some air, sliding off the barstool, walking towards the exit, fumbling in her pockets for a packet of cigarettes, she only smokes when she drinks. Some guy, lit her cigarette, she just nods, thanking him with a smile as she stood in the crisp evening air, the air mixed with nicotine hit her lungs, letting a little cough escapes her lips. As she blows out the smoke, she heard that damn Chevy pull in, she couldn't miss it , Dean had a certain way if driving and it was him for sure. She just stood there, frozen in the darkness. "What the hell is he doing here" whispering underneath her breath. Hoping that he doesn't see her, knowing that she will burst out in tears the moment she tried to speak too him.

He wales past a couple of bikes, that's when he saw it, her bike, hard too miss it, on the rear bumper the lyrics of her favorite Bon Jovi song. He elbows his brother "Sam, she's here"

Sam looked at him shocked, "What? Are you sure"

Running his hand over his face "Of course I'm damn sure" clearing his throat "I can't see her, man, I just can't, I've missed her so much, it was hard enough too walk away from her that night, I won't be able to do it again"

Sam places his hand on his big brother shoulder "Don't you think, this whole protection thing your trying is dumb"

Dean's jaw clenched, "No, Everybody around me dies, and there's nothing I can do about it, I have to let her go"

Sam just shook his head, his known his brother felt like this for a while now, but it's gotten worse, his unsure why, but he will try and get through too him, Dean's only been happy, whenever he was with her. "Okay let's go"

Dean and Sam made their way towards the car, they're about to get in when they heard a spine chilling scream , Dean recognized her voice. He searches in the darkness, when he catches a glimpse of four men, throwing her in a black van. He didn't even realized it but he started running towards the van, as the last of them jumped in, he saw a glimpse of her, the last thing he heard, was her screaming his name and a gun shot, which brought him to a stop as he fell to the ground, chanting her name over and over, until his eyes fell closed.

Sam fired his gun towards the van, but couldn't get decent shots from that angle. He fell to his knees next to his brother, glancing at the bullet wound in his chest, the blood gushing out, he applied pressure on the wound, he could feel the life draining from his brother as he begged Castiel to come. Sam's eyes damp with tears, his heart pounding in his throat, a silent scream escaping his lip "Cas, please man, I need you Dean need's you"

You could hear the flutter of wings, when the celestial being landed, his face struck with concern "What happened?"

Sam glanced at the man in the trench coat, holding his brother in arms, "please, just help him Cas"

The angel approached his best friend, there was nothing quite as bad, as seeing him, in pain, placing his hand on Dean's shoulder and Sam's, the three men found themselves in a motel, Dean was still unconscious but breathing, Sam glanced at the angel, mouthing a "thank you"

Traces of the tears still evident on her cheeks as she recalled Dean getting shot, he was there, running towards her, he stilled cared. The four men watched her like a hawk, she cradled her legs in the corner, as if she's a animal trying too hide herself from the prey.

The van came to a stop, she knew something had to be done, so she took the knife she hid in her boots, covered it in her hand, she knew taking all four men was asking to much, so she'll have to isolate them. Take them one by one. The men double, maybe triple her size, but she aren't going down this way, without a fight.

As the two men , opened the door, she saw what looked like a barn, there where cages, with other people inside, seeing she's not the only one that needed saving, she slid the knife back in her boot. She needed more information than this, so she went with it. The man held her by her hair, threw her into a cage which had two other girls probably about round about 16 and 18, and much older man, in his late 60's maybe. Hitting the the floor, scraping her palms.

The older man helped her up, "you okay?"

"Yeah thanks never been better" the sarcasm rolled over her pressed lips.

A big guy, came standing against the cage, with a stupid smug on his round face. "When Ricky there told me about this little woman, who punched him, just for leaning against her bike, I knew I had too throw you in the ring"

She got to a standing position, striding closer, too this gigantic man, "What are you? A human trafficker , organ? What"

He laughed "None of the above, just a business man," he started walking away.

"What is he talking about?" Her eyes intensified "Does anyone know why we are here?"

She heard a man's voice coming from another cage, he was beaten pretty bad, "We are here too fight against each other, like the movie Condemned, apparently it happens in really life" he let out a defeated laugh. The whole barn filled with chatter, people gasping for air, as the initial shock took over. Those who haven't seen the movie, quickly got enlighten by those who have, the rich of the rich, places bets on the person, who they think will survive and it gets streamed on the dark web for everyone to watch.

There's a clock with a timer and the one who have killed all the other 'players' in that amount of time, gets to live another round. Some just cried, the others just quietly, sat in the corners of their cages, holding on too their knees, as if that's going to help, everywhere in that barn there's cages filled with silence and then those with chatter.

Then in the cage she's in, the two young teenage girls just hold on too each other, clinging for dear Life. The grey old guy, just kept mumbling too himself, "I can't kill these people" over and over.

Probably not the most polite thing in this situation but damn, it worked on her nerves, she's trying think of a solution, a plan something to save these people. But she was all out of ideas, to be honest, except maybe one, her back was against the cage, she silently started to talk to Cas, asking him to come and find her, but nothing, he didn't hear or he didn't want too, either way it was up too her.

Glancing down at the ground, then her leather boots she remembered the knife, she could use that too unlock the cage door, then start freeing the others, she took the last bit of hope in her hand, starting to put the blade in, turning and wiggling it, until she heard the click sound, she was overjoyed, she slowly opened the screeching steel door, every noise sounded as loud as thunder.

She could see the different keys, close to the barn entrance, almost walking on the balls of her feet, so that she didn't make a single sound, reaching for the keys, her fingertips barely touching it, she jumped into the air, grabbing ahold if it, she started making her way towards the first cage. Searching for the key that fits, the barn doors flung open, she recognized the guy, Ricky from earlier, and some other dude, who made her skin crawl , "Hey how'd you get out?" Ricky shouted.

"What you can see me?" She joked, something she always did, when she was very nervous.

The other guy ran to her, but she kicked him before he even could touch her, she still had the knife in hand, this big fella didn't say, much, he charged towards her, when that silver blade touched his arm, it made him squirm, "Oh that's just freaking lovely, what are you, a vamp? A wolfie?" She sneered

The moment he showed his, teeth she knew it was a werewolf, the other folks in the cages screamed, as they never saw such a creature.

"So this games rigged? Normal human being and creatures from the night, joining the game"

Surprised the wolf looked at her , a growl "your a hunter?"

Mischievous smile on her lips "why would you say that?" The wolf growled once again, as he charged towards your position, clawing your back, as he flung you against a cage, everything is swimming before her eyes, all you could make out was that she was flung against the beaten up man, he had the bluest eyes, which kind of reminded her about Castiel's eyes.

The wolf like creature came closer, looking for your blood, that's when the man stood up, black coat drenched in blood, unsure if it was his own, or some of the creature's his killed, the last time, his blue orbs, illuminated, bloodshot veins stretched like a roadmap in his eyes , his fangs came out revealing that his a vampire.

Laying there, you where left at the mercy of these two, but you were surprised when the vamp, took ahold of the wolf, smashing his head against the bars, he had this deep old time southern voice "leave her alone"

The man, glared at her and the vamp, picking her up, letting her sway like a sack of potatoes in the air. Ricky quickly came to open the cage, throwing her in by the vampire, "You can have her".

Knowing the open wounds made the situation worse, as it was like a magnet for the vamp, she tried too get up, too defend herself but, in that moment she was too weak.

The vamp, came closer towards her, his features returned to those of a man, his voice kind "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm Benny"

Shocked "Benny, like in Benny Lafitte? Dean's friend?"

He smiled, "I thought I recognized you, saw you once on his lock screen, asked him about this new women in his life, he told me you are the love of his life"

Smirking, "Yeah that's awhile ago I guess"

Confusion written all over his face, but before he could ask, the barn filled with gas, hearing Benny say "its to knock us out so they can take us to the next location" before you could find out more, the knock out gas started taking its toll.

His eyes flutter open, Sam and Cas both sharing the same concerned facial expressions, his voice croaky "what did something happen? Is.." struggling to form the words "is she gone?"

Sam spoke quickly, trying to reassure his big brother "No! We don't know, Cas can't pick up her location"

Cas spoke "Wherever she's at, must be warded off with sigils"

Dean groaned when he sat up, "we have to save her, I can't loose her"

The three of them turned their heads when they heard the familiar phrase from Crowley "Hello Boys"

Dean immediately got up, pointing a finger at him, "Do you have something to do with her disappearance, tell me now!"

Crowley gave him a sympathetic look, that lasted about an second "Squirrel I had nothing to do with her, but I know where you can find her"

Dean could not control the anger that intensified in his chest, he smashed Crowley against the nearest wall, his arm pressing against his throat his forest green eyes pierced the black ones, his voice low, and stern "Crowley if your messing with me, I will kill you, I swear I'll kill"

With the flick of Crowley's fingers Dean flew across the room, he shouts, this whole situation clearly upsetting him as well. "She saved my damn life, why would I want something to happen to her, she cared enough to save me, ME!!!" Crowley shouted.

Sam hurried to help Dean up, recalling the saving Crowley is talking about, he was stuck in a devils trap, bounded with chains around his hands and neck, as some other hunter took out all his anger on Crowley, stabbing him over and over, when she came in, tried talking the man down, but he didn't see any reason as he thought Crowley was to blame for the death of his family, but he wasn't, he had nothing to do with it. As she was talking to this guy, she slowly started to scratch the round red chalked circle on the floor with the heel of her boots, so that Crowley can break free, the line was finally broken, by clicking his fingers the chains shook loose and fell into a thousand pieces, the other hunter saw what she did, ran towards her, pushed the blade right through her upper torso. That's when Dean and Sam ran into, her for the first time, they where hunting the hunter who they thought was possessed but turns out he had such an amount of rage inside him, that whom ever got in his way, he'd kill.

Dean's harsh voice pulled Sam out of his thoughts, "Where is she Crowley"

"Well not only her , but other people as well, even Werewolves and vampires, you named it they have it, I know the location, but we have to go now," he clears his throat, "there's only one snag, neither can I nor Cass get in their, the damn sigils on the barns wall, wont let us through"

Dean's already halfway across the room, towards the door, "what are we waiting for"

In a matter of seconds the four of them stood In front of the barn on the pig farm, Sam is busy discussing a plan of action but Dean, already pushed the barn doors open, "what the hell Dean" the loudness in Sam's voice makes Dean face him, but he just shakes him off, not answering, too determined to safe her, he walks in, gun in hand, ready for anything, everywhere you look, all the cage doors stands open, not a single trace of anyone, something glistening on the floor catches his eye, its a rose gold chain with a heart shaped locket, he didn't need to turn it around, to see the engraved 'love you always D.W' to know its hers, he opens it anyways, glaring at the picture, both off them laughing, the way they looked at each other, you could feel the electricity, the love they shared, he folds it closed in his fisted hand, his eyes damp with emotion. He runs outside, punches Crowley straight in the face. Cas takes ahold of Dean's arm's demanding him to stop. The defeated look on his face is too much too bare for the three men looking at Dean, disappointed and unsure where to look next they start looking around the farm for clues, for something that can give him a glimpse of hope.

The strong sunrays, burning her eyes, as she opens them, the pain from last night's fight, let's her realize what's happening, she tries too move, but can't, searching for the reason, she sees the rope wrapped around her arms, and waist, too a tree, she tries too wiggle, to get out off the tight grip, that's when she hears a ticking of a clock tick-tock, tick-tock, it sounded incredibly loud, looking up to where the sounds came from, seeing giant speakers blaring the sound of a clock. A rough unpleasant voice spoke, game rules: "Everything goes, you can use any weapon you can find, to kill your opponent, and also remember the last one standing gets too live" he lets out a snotty laugh. "Oh yes, and contestants, we made the first kill very easy, if you can find contestant five, she's tied up and ready to kill, oh and give us a show" he laughs harder, then all of the sudden its dead silence, figuring she's contestant no: five, she'd better think of something to get out if this situation. Her words barely a whisper, "I don't even know why I try, but Cas are you there, Crowley, can someone hear me? Please I need someone"

The rustling of the leaves, let's her know there's someone, maybe it's Cas or Crowley, maybe its someone's who wants to take her as their first kill.

The large man with his black coat walks towards her.

He's voice hushed, "let me get you outta here"

"Oh darn, I'm so thankful its you Benny"

As he unties her, they hear rustling in the bushes, he hands her a knife, and they stand ready for action, back against back, three people came closer, it's the three she shared the cage with, she and Benny suggested they walk behind them, so that the two of them can protect them.

The further they walk the more danger they seem too run into, Benny takes the most werewolves, windigos and Leviathan's , as for you, you take most of the other human beings, who wants to attack the two teenage girls and old man.

You are bruised, beaten and torn up, unsure if your body is covered in your own blood or those of the enemies, you keep on going, grateful, that you had these people to protect, because if you had to be honest, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't fight so hard to survive, every now and then you get flashbacks of how Dean got shot, knowing it was fatal, you don't want to allow yourself to think that he could be really gone, there's this glimmer of hope that he might still be alive, maybe Sam helped him, maybe Cas or Crowley.

Resting against a tree to catch your breath, you see the blood gushing down your arm, one of the men came at you with a damn axe, and in the fight he threw the axe towards you, pinning you against a tree, it must've been the adrenaline but you wiggled that axe, out of you arm, screaming while throwing it back at him, which ended up between his eyes. You fell too your knees, the emotion welling up behind your eyes, you get caught off guard when someone or something picks you up in the air. A little weak, and confused all you can see is that your draped over the large man, with multiple tattoos shoulder, it didn't take long, too lose consciousness.

Dean could not believe what he just heard, both Cas and Crowley told him, that they heard you call out too them, they knew where you were, you where caught in Purgatory, damn Purgatory. What the hell is going on. It felt like someone took his very last breath. His been too Purgatory, It's no joke for sure, it changed him, the only person who made him whole was her, his sweetheart and now, now she's going through all of that.

Crowley spoke with his people, which revealed, that the one and only Dick Roman sits behind it all, with a connection in the real world, who takes normal people, of all ages just to make money, and feed his obsession of killing people.

His quiet, as he drives too the place where the portal opens to Purgatory, thinking about all the things there, so many monsters, dangers around every corner. He just hopes, his going to make it in time, she just has too be okay, has to be alive, squinting his eyes as he recalls what he had too do, too survive.

"Sweetheart you awake?" Rolling over too the right side of the bed, emerald green eyes looking back at you, "Baby?"

"Why do you look so surprised sweetheart"

"Uhmmm I'm not really sure, it feels so right yet so wrong" she smiled

Without a single word, Dean cups your face, places his lips on yours, its sweet, it's sensual, yet filled with passion. Breaking the kiss, you look at him, studying his face, the speck of hazel around the black pupil, the way, his freckles runs across his nose, almost like the milky way, the corners of his mouth, that is slightly curled in a smile, his plumps lips, that's slightly swollen from the kiss, the little stubble on his chin and cheeks, the way his jawline just kind of frames his picture perfect face, the way his deep smoky voice fills the air, and your body with a exhilarating energy, "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.

Your voice barely audible and brittle, "I just love you, I love you more than life itself"

His voice calm, but certain "Marry Me"

Your jaw dropped, "What?"

He started to kiss your lips softly, his breathe hot as he said "Yes babe, I want you to be my wife?"

Searching his eyes your lips crept upwards into a smile, your voice sounded more brittle than you intended "Yes, yes Dean Winchester, I'll marry you"

The joy dancing in his green eyes, made you happy, even though a few stray tears rolled over your cheeks.

Feeling like your walking on cloud nine, then all of the sudden, you get this sharp pain in you ribs, unwillingly your eyes flutter open, gasping for air "what the hell?"

Looking around you, seeing your in some kind of room, chains around your wrists, hanging from what looks like the ceiling, clothing blood-soaked. Hair sticking to your face, sweat mixed with blood. Your feet barely touching the floor, it feels as if your arms is getting pulled out of their sockets if you move to much, your throat dry, realizing you must've been passed out, it wasn't really a dream, more like a memory, Dean did ask you too marry him, and then outta nowhere, two days later, you where left standing in the rain, the tears streaming down your face, unsure if it's about the way Dean left things, or the situation your currently thrown in.

Sighing, whispering to no one really "I'm tired, I'm so tired, I can't anymore and I don't want to anymore" head hanging down, looking at the floor, closing your eyes, wishing all this could be over, you heard heavy footsteps, laughter filling the dark air.

His voice smooth "All this turned out better than I could've imagined"

Confused you glare at him "okay, fine you win, get it over with"

Walking closer towards you, big smug on his face, "see, I can't deal with you yet, I know who you are" getting angrier now "I'll finally get my revenge, Dean will watch you die, he wanted to send me here, now I will take something precious from him"

Shocked to hear that he thinks Dean is still alive , she plays along maybe, it's her way out, Scoffing "Well sorry to hear you think he'd be coming to look for me, because we aren't together no more"

He laughs, "oh no, he is already here, searching for you, my men left him a little bread trail, as to where you are"

Furious now, you shake, trying to get loose, shouting "You leave Dean alone, kill me , but let him go please"

Clapping his hands together, "Ah, young love" he laughs harder "I am going to kill you, but Dean needs to watch, then I'll kill Sam, Cas and even Crowley, all while Dean has to watch"

Eyes wide, barely audible "They're all here"

His smug smile never leaving his face "oh yes, all of them, clearly they care, its so pathetic, you humans, you know that?"

Squinting her eyes, trying too fight the tears threatening to spill over, you care about all of them, more than you care to admit. He just simply walks out of sight. The silence is deafening, the only thing she can hear is her heart racing, Dean's alive, he came looking for her. Somewhere between the excitement of hearing Dean's alive and the spine chilling silence, she lost consciousness.

They hardly had too beat the crap out of some of the men, on their road to this half torn down, factory like building, all of them agreed, it felt like a trap, but Dean didn't give a damn, he needed to find her, save her and bring her home, he has been cursing himself internally, the whole damn way, if only he didn't freak out, but the moment he realized he wanted to marry her, be her husband, wishing he never said that, went on that hunt, saw how that ghost threw her against the wall, the pain she must've felt, he couldn't bear the thought of her getting hurt or worst getting killed, just because that's what he did, so saying goodbye, felt like the best thing to do, hoping she'll give up hunting, but he should've known better. He should have stayed by her side, he should have discussed his fears, the way he felt, but instead he went and broke her heart.

The four of them split up, there's to many halls, and doors too search, mostly the halls are filled with darkness, its filthy and disgusting, dried splattered blood on the walls, scattered human bones on the cement floors. There's scratching sounds coming from one of the rooms, the gun in Dean's hand is loaded, opening the door, unsure of what he's going to find, he's skin crawling as a bunch of rats, runs past him, some over his feet, slapping against his legs, whispering underneath his breath, "damn filth". He's heart, beating out of his chest, the more he walks in the darkness the more he can feel the darkness entering his mind, his heart, every grain of his very being.

He stopped in his tracks, the moment he saw her, hanging by chain's, her whole body is slumped over, hair covering her face, he can't make out if she's still breathing, for what felt like an eternity, he froze, almost too afraid to take a closer look. Striding closer till he's right in front of her, he gently takes her face in his hands, concern painted on his face, a burning pain in his chest, her beautiful face is bruised, and bloodied, her breathing faint, but still there, his voice hushed "Sweetheart, can you hear me"

Watching her open her eyes, was a beautiful site, she looked tired, a smile across her busted lips, "Dean,"

"Yes sweetheart I'm here, I'm sorry, I love you" he declared.

Sobbing now, "I... I thought I lost you forever"

"Baby, you'll always have me, always you hear me" he pleaded

Before she could answer a couple of men appeared out of the shadows. There were maybe six or seven, Dean got up, in a fighting stance ready to beat the crap out of them, he started punching and kicking his way, through the men, it wasn't until the last one hit the ground that he'd stop, blood splatters across his face, glancing over at her, he hears the familiar voice of Dick Roman "crashing the party are we?"

"Yeah well I didn't receive an invite so thought I'll invite myself" Dean smirked. He drew his gun, knowing it won't really help, but it's more a habit, "What do you want?" He questioned

Crude laughter fills the air, "I want you to pay Dean" he snapped his fingers, more men came running towards Dean, he tried his best, but he was one against, all of them, they over powered him, one clocked him against the head, in his unconscious state, they were tying him to a chair with chains, facing you.

It didn't take long before they were beating you, biting your lower lip, not wanting to give them the pleasure of seeing you in so much pain, you could taste the blood on the tip on your lip.

Dick Roman came walking towards you, dagger in hand, hoping he couldn't see the pain, and fear in your eyes, your eyes pierced his, he didn't say a single word, he pushed that dagger, through the skin and bone, wedging it between your ribs. Your scream filling the dark room.

Dean's eyes flung open, he's jaw clenched, he's voice angered and defeated "NO BABE" he shouted.

"Ah poor Dean Winchester" he laughed

Dean's green eyes, now almost black, "I'm going to kill, I promise you that"

Laughter filled the air, once again, it didn't last long though, surprised he glanced at them, Sam, Cas, Crowley and Benny, all four off them stood their bloodied and beaten, but ready to fight. All four of them started fighting and killing their way towards Dean and you, Crowley was the first one to stand next too Dean, his British voice almost inaudible "This belongs to you" he's face lit up with a sly smile.

Dean looked at him all confused, "I thought you threw this in the sea somewhere"

Crowley just shrugs his shoulders. The moment he placed that blade in Dean's hands he could feel the mark, turning a fiery red, the power pulsing through his veins, it didn't take long for the effects to take control of him, breaking loose out of the chain's, he faces Dick Roman, a smirk on his lips, he's features darkens. Taking that blade right too his chest, he kept going over and over, not stopping for a second, driving the blade further and deeper into his now lifeless body.

Sam tried to make him stop, even Cas, Benny and Crowley, but it didn't work.

Your voice brittle, revealing the pain, "Dean stop, please Baby"

Immediately stopping, he threw the blade down, running towards you, his eyes pleading, his voice soft "Sweetheart I'm so sorry" cupping your face, kissing your lips, holding you close to him, as Cas and Sam unlocks the chains, your body went limb, all you could feel is his hands holding you upright. Staring into his emerald green eyes, mouthing "I love you" the last thing you catches a glimpse off, was the light in his eyes as he replied "I love you too, Sweetheart, come back to me, come home please"

It's been almost three years since that dreadful day, smiling now, if it weren't for Dean begging Cas to save you, you wouldn't be here baking your husband his birthday pie, getting ready for the barbeque, with your good friends Sam, Cas, Benny and yes even dear old Crowley.

Did you and the Winchester Brothers stop hunting, no, of course not, but the two of you have each other and that's all you'll ever need, whenever your lost, knowing Dean's your lighthouse showing you the way home, with those beautiful green eyes.

#jacklesversebingo23 #nescveckwriter #lighthouse #spn fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #jensen ackles x reader #spotify #jared padalecki #sam and dean #dean winchester imagine #benny lafitte #castiel spn #spn #Spotify

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softhairedhotch · 6 months

Text

this one to me feels much more oc-like than a reader-insert (bc of all the details i added) but a few of yous said to keep it as a reader fic so i hope this is okay!! don't hate me if you can't relate to it please n thanks <3 also sorry for the weird formatting of my fics/the random bold or italics or small text idk tumblr hates me and keeps doing it!!! comfortember day five: treehouse (+day eight: grief/mourning) aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader aaron is there for you, just like he always is, after you lose your mother. word count: 2.1k warnings/content: parent loss, death of reader's mother, hurt/comfort, some emotional conversations and sad topics, mentions of crying, pet names, kissing, hugging, established relationship. lyrics that inspired this: "do not enter" is written on the doorway / why can't everyone just go away / except you / you can stay / what do you think of my treehouse? / it's where i sit and talk really loud / usually / i'm all by myself

comfortember masterlist here!

also on ao3!

the treehouse

You step out into the back garden and take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you allow the crisp air to wash over you. Aaron steps out moments after and closes the door quietly before his hand finds your lower back.

"You okay?" He asks, his voice just above a whisper. It's almost drowned out by the sound of mourning doves overheard.

You shrug, your shoulders feeling as though they’re being weighed down by the heavy armour you’re trying–and failing–to shield yourself with. “I will be.”

“Yeah.” He looks around the garden and lets out a short, flat hum. “But no one is expecting you to be okay, you know that, right? There’s no time limit; you’re allowed to grieve.”

“I know.”

“I know you do, sweetheart. But I just wanted to remind you.” You turn to look at him and, at the sight of his genuine concern, your brave face crumbles. He wraps his arms around you immediately, pulling you close and enveloping you in his warmth. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whisper as you cling to him, trying your hardest to hold back your tears but failing miserably. “I know.”

“Good.”

“I just don’t know what to do.”

Aaron presses a kiss to your forehead. “You don’t have to do anything.”

You pull back and look up at him, confused. “Yes, I do. I have to… to get rid of everything and sell the, the house. And do all the paperwork and figure out what to do with her antiques and, and, and–”

“Hey, hey,” he interrupts you gently, pulling you back into a tight hug. “Don’t worry about any of that right now. I’ll do that.”

“What, no–”

“Let’s not talk about this now, okay? We’ll sort it out later or tomorrow. Give yourself some time to think about it.”

“But what do I do in the meantime? I can’t just… sit around.”

He thinks for a moment. “Show me around.”

“What?”

“Show me around the house. Tell me everything you can, anything you can remember, and I’ll listen. I wanna know what life was like for you.”

You almost burst into tears at his words. “Really? You wanna know about my childhood?”

“Sweetheart, I wanna know everything about you.”

***

You take Aaron inside the house, taking him to the living room. The room hasn’t been touched in a few days, save for a few files on the coffee table you checked earlier, and you feel sick at the thought of leaving the house behind once everything’s packed away. Then the thought of having to pack everything away makes you feel even worse and you sway on the spot. Aaron notices you falter and reaches out to squeeze your arm gently, standing beside you patiently.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do when all this is gone.”

“It doesn’t have to be gone,” he replies. “You can take it all.”

“And keep it where?”

“In our house, in a storage container… there’s many places.”

You think for a moment, holding back tears, before shaking your head. “No. I need to… to let it go. Not all of it, but I can’t keep everything. She wouldn’t wanna weigh me down with all her stuff.”

“Alright,” Aaron says, squeezing your arm again and leaning to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “Take anything you need. I promise we’ll find a place for it. That sound good?”

You nod and lean into him for a moment before slowly making your way through the living room, grabbing the objects with the most significance to you and telling Aaron about them before sorting them into a box to take back to the house. You pack a few of your favourite DVDs, ones you’re sure won’t even play anymore with how scratched they’ve become, as you tell Aaron vague memories of watching them as a kid. What happened when you watched them, who you watched them with, how you felt–anything that comes to mind because you know he’s listening.

A few family photos are displayed on the TV stand, as well as a cabinet in the corner, and you relive the memories of when they were taken as you tell him all about them. He asks to look at one closer and you give it to him, watching as he smiles down at a photo of you with your old dog. “You looked happy.”

“I was,” you reply, nodding. “Some of the time, anyway.”

He gives you a small smile and hands you the picture. “I know what you mean.”

You continue to walk him around the house, showing him dents in the wall from where you hurt yourself and little drawings you hid behind drawers and peeling wallpaper. He listens intently, smiling at your happy anecdotes and comforting you when tears well up in your eyes as the worst memories cloud your mind. You show him your childhood bedroom, telling him about friends that used to come over for sleepovers and the first time you kissed someone behind the open door so no one would see.

“My first kiss was with Haley,” he replies. “In the theatre room at our school.”

“Isn’t that where you first met her?”

“Yeah. I kissed her in the same spot I first saw her.”

“Aw,” you smile as you grab an old diary and throw it into your bag. You’ll read that later when you’re alone so you don’t embarrass or upset yourself anymore in front of Aaron. “You’ve always been a romantic, how cute.”

He blushes and presses a kiss to your cheek as he passes by, making his way to your desk and flicking through a few papers you left there when you were last over. “You think you’d want these?”

“Probably not, doubt they’re important.”

Aaron nods and begins to open the drawers, pulling out miscellaneous items and silently dividing them into piles of things you might want to keep and things you’d throw away. You watch him with a sombre smile, feeling your chest ache at the realisation that he knows you so well and that his love for you is endless. When he catches you watching him, he pauses and raises an eyebrow. “You okay?”

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” he replies, closing the drawer and walking back over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist to tug you close. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

“Hm, I don’t know. I think I have a pretty good idea.”

“I don’t want to doubt you, sweetheart, but I really don’t think you do.” He presses a sweet kiss to your lips, channelling all his love into it. “I can’t even begin to express how much I love you. I just… do.”

You press another kiss to his lips to hide the tears welling up in your eyes. The love you feel for him is so strong it feels like you might burst. He kisses back, letting you take the lead. Pulling back, you look deep into his eyes and smile the first genuine smile you’ve been able to manage since you first heard the news. “I love you more.”

Aaron chuckles. “Sure you do.” He presses a chaste kiss to your lips with a hum. “Ready to carry on?”

“Yeah,” you mutter, going to pull away before a thought strikes you and you let out a sharp breath. Aaron pulls you back into his arms immediately, looking down at you in concern but keeping silent to give you a moment to think. “Sorry, I just… realised that that was gonna be my last kiss in this room.”

“Is that a good thing? Or bad?”

“I don’t know,” you reply honestly, feeling out of it. “I don’t like the thought of everything we do in this moment being the last of anything, but… the fact that it’s you that I’m doing all this with… yeah, I think that’s a good thing.”

He smiles sweetly at you, love shining so clearly in his eyes, and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Then let's stay here for a little longer.”

“We should get it over with, I don’t wanna waste all your free time off work. You deserve to get some time to yourself.”

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and resting his head against yours. “This isn’t a waste of my time. Trust me. I want to be here, with you, for you, and that’s all that matters. Don’t think like that, okay? I’m here because I want to be, not because I feel like I have to. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” you whisper. “It does.”

***

“I guess that leaves the treehouse,” you shrug, feeling drained as you step back outside with Aaron following you. You stare up at the treehouse, wondering if it's necessary to go up there. “You don’t have to come up. It’s pretty small.”

“I’ll go wherever you go.”

“You’re so cheesy,” you say with a small smile, even when his words mean the world to you.

He smiles at you. “You love it.”

“I really do.” Making your way to the treehouse, you glance at Aaron and allow a small smirk to dance over your lips. “Don’t stare at my ass as I go up.”

Aaron laughs. “No promises.”

You roll your eyes and begin climbing, risking a glance back to find Aaron’s eyes firmly on the ground and being as respectful as ever. It makes your heart skip a beat. Reaching the top of the ladder, you look at the treehouse's entrance and cringe at the big ‘DO NOT ENTER’ sign hanging beside the doorway. It was a sign you carved yourself when you were younger. When you look inside the treehouse, your heart aches as memories flood through you. It takes you a few seconds to force yourself inside but once you clamber in, you call down to Aaron to let him know he can join you.

The sound of him climbing up surrounds you as you push yourself into your favourite corner, one filled with soft padding and blankets. A few of your favourite books are scattered across the floor and pictures of you and your childhood friends cover the walls. The nostalgia hits you hard and you bite your lip to stifle a sob.

Aaron joins you, crawling inside and looking around with interest. As he gets comfortable in the small space, his long legs curling against himself to fit, you realise it’s the first time anyone’s ever been in the treehouse with you. Or at all.

He remains silent, waiting for you to be the first to talk. You appreciate that.

“I used to come up here a lot,” you say after a few minutes. “To read, to think, to talk to myself out loud… everything.”

“And did it help?”

“Yeah,” you nod, reaching over to grab one of the books beside you. It’s one you’re sure you’ve read a million times over, the pages worn and yellowing and a small layer of dust covering the outside. “It was nice. Peaceful. Somewhere I was never bothered.”

“I had a place like that,” Aaron muses, smiling at you. “Not as personal as this, though. It was a bench a few blocks from where I grew up, hidden by a few overgrown trees. I liked it.”

“Did you go there a lot?”

“Whenever I could. Couldn’t go much in the winter because of the cold, though.”

You huffed out a laugh. “Same here. Still came here even if I meant I almost froze to death.”

His smile becomes sad but there's clear understanding in his expression. “Yeah.”

The two of you sit inside the treehouse for almost an hour, talking about whatever comes to mind. Aaron listens intently to every word you say, his comforting hand drawing patterns over your thigh and eventually over your side when you move to curl up against him. You feel yourself drifting off at one point when the exhaustion settles deep in your bones, feeling so safe and warm and loved and comforted beside him, but you force awake to finish back up in the house.

Aaron follows you inside, as he always has and always will, and comforts you through everything that comes after that. He helps you pack up the house, assuring you over and over that you can take however many boxes you want back to the house you share with him. He sits with you for days after, mostly in silence when the grief catches up to you and you can hardly think, never once looking as if he’d rather be elsewhere. He holds your hand throughout the funeral, never once leaving your side or once letting you think for a moment that you’re ever alone. And even after it’s been weeks, months, years, since that moment, he’s there for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. Just like he always has been.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader #criminal minds #aaron hotchner fanfiction #tw parent death #tw parental loss #parent death tw #comfortember #comfortember 2023

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deadricslover · 8 months

Text

tracing roses

a/n: first post for the loml! I'm a harry Stan 'til I die.

summary: with a whole bunch of changes for the future of one direction, harry doesn't know how he will cope and thankfully you're there to comfort him in his favourite ways.

warnings: no established relationship, anxiety, cursing, Zayn leaving :(, mentions of the management ugh (that deserves a full tw), short post?

pairings: lhh styles x sixthmember!reader

I know that the timeline of events doesn't match the real life one but it's all for the post ok?

-------------------------------------------------

What the media portrayed harry to be was the complete opposite of what he was actually like. His reputation was the womanizer, cool and reserved guy who didn't have the time of day for anyone other than the band, and really, it was just unfair because none of that was true. Really, Harry was the sweetest guy who cared for every single person he met and would make a whole room light up with the sparkle in his eyes. Despite what the media thought, He had feelings, and needed comfort here and there like every other person.

This particular upcoming show was an important one, it was Zayn's last show in the band but the public didn't know yet, so they had to make it count. Nobody was really themselves today as they knew they had to make a good impression for management if they wanted to continue touring and making music without him as a five person group. These emotions were hightened due to the overwhelming sudden surge of sadness and loss due to Zayn's news. Zayn was your best friend alongside Harry and you honestly didn't know how you were going to cope with not having him around when writing songs or performing anymore.

You stumble into Harry's dressing room to let him know we will be going on stage soon, but are met with a teary eyed Harry with his head in his hands. You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around him from the back whilst tracing circles on his arm and place your head on his shoulder, comforting him.

"I know, Haz. I know" you whisper kissing his temple slightly.

"this is just such a big change" he cries

"I know. and it's going to be so hard for us all to adjust to. But, we have gotta support his decision" you explain squeezing him a little tighter. he replies with a teary sigh, gazing at you through the mirror silently asking to be comforted

"even though I can't fix it, I can help you through it" you add leaning your head on his, sadly smiling a little bit, closing your eyes momentarily.

"I'm just gonna miss him" he confesses, the tears making their way to his eyes once again. Seeing him upset always made your heart drop with sadness, and a set of your own tears pricks your eyes seeing one of your favourite people upset.

"I know, haz. let it out, ok? I'm right here" you comfort as he stares blankly at the desk ahead of him

"I think that the mix of Zayn leaving and the anxiety because this show being so important is just making me so much more emotional" he explains his feelings and you listen intently the entire time, empathizing with him as you feel the same way. This is about him though, he doesn't need to know.

you plant kiss after kiss onto his face, cheek, temple and hair in comfort and keep twirling pieces of his hair around your fingers to calm him down. He takes a deep breath in and out to regain himself before looking back at you through the illuminated mirror.

"what time are we on?" he asks

"we have time" you lie. you came into him with fifteen minutes before the show and now you're running late, but, for an important reason. You didn't want him suppressing any feelings.

he looks at you confused, not entirely believing you but leaning back into your touch and closing his eyes nonetheless, while tracing shapes onto your arm wordlessly telling you that he's grateful for you.

your moment is rudely interrupted by Louis Bursting in the door chaotically.

"guys, why the fuck aren't you on stage. we are late. stop cuddling and kissing and get out and get your mics" Louis demands

Harry hops up and looks at you accusingly. You shrug and leave the room with him, both of you following Louis to the stage. You get your assigned microphones and head towards the stage. Harry grabs your arm on the way and stops you both, facing you and looking down at you with a hand on your upper arm.

"Thank you so much for that. I don't know what I would do without you, I really don't" he informs you referring to you comforting him, making your heart throb.

"it's nothing, harry. just want to make you feel better" you reply smiling wholeheartedly at him.

"I love you so much" he confesses, wrapping you in a hug around your arms and you slip yours around his waist to reciprocate.

"I love you too, haz. always here for you" you reply before the six of you get on stage and open with clouds, and nobody can deny that this show wouldn't be the same and that you would all be acting different.

halfway through 'story of my life' harry was sitting down towards the back of the stage looking quite down and nervous as he knew come the end of this song, you guys would have the encore and then the show would be over, concluding the chapter with Zayn in the group. you jog to the back and sit down next to him grabbing his hand in yours lightly and he lays his head down onto your shoulder.

"you good?" you ask him

"mhm" he replies humming. you didn't buy it, you knew him better than that.

you look down to his hand in yours and examine his tattoos for a minute. your eyes land on the rose tattoo next to his elbow and the perfect shading. Your thumb starts tracing the petals and thorns on the design, comforting him as he is focusing on the feeling of your hand. You knew this calmed him down. He takes a couple of deep breaths and continues singing after Louis finishes his part whilst visibly calming down yet again. He gets up from where he was sitting and starts walking around the stage interacting with a couple of fans and the guys maintaining the hold on your hand bringing you around while you giggle to yourself. This doesn't go unnoticed by fans and you were sure you would see some twitter posts about it later, but in the moment you didn't care, all you cared about was making him feel better and calming his anxiety about this whole show.

you were super lucky to have a harry in your life. You think everyone should have a harry in their life too. And he feels the same about you, he thinks everyone should have one of you in their life too. But then again, he didn't want to share you with anybody. He loved you comforting him, and knew that you would always be there for him and visa versa.

everyone needs a you and harry pair in their life.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #long hair harry x reader #long hair harry #long hair harry fluff #deadricslover #one direction #one direction imagine

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beanzfandoms · 8 months

Text

I Miss Her Too

Dean x Sam (Platonic), Sam x Sister! reader

Warning: Mentions of character death, cursing

Description: The brothers open up about their dead sister

・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・

Dean releases a long sigh as he stares out at the parking lot of a raggedy motel on the side of the interstate. The flickering multi-colored sign bleeds into the inky blackness of the Impala, causing the pulse in the man's frustrated mind to burst against his skull repeatedly. Dean's knuckles were sickly pale in contrast to his freckled tan skin as he held the stirring wheel of the parked car in a vice grip.

His cheeks sag under the pressure of the heavy bags carried beneath his sad hazel eyes. The smile marks that tug at the edge of his lips barely show as a deep frown etches across his face. His usual neatly done hair now stuck out in a disheveled state.

Dean notices a tall shadow rising behind the illuminated brownish-white curtains in one of the rooms. The material tugs slightly from the window and soon enough the deep green heavy duty door opens to reveal his brother. He looks down at the wrapped burgers set on the passenger's seat and grabs them before exiting the car.

"These are cold," Sam remarks as Dean pushes them against his chest.

"There's a microwave for a reason," Dean grumbles in response and sits at the edge of the bed to take off his shoes.

"You do realize you got three," Sam asks softly after a short pause.

"We'll eat it later; It's no big deal."

""This was how (Y/n) liked it," Sam states while observing the content inside one of the burgers.

"I said we'll eat it later," Dean snaps. He snatches the wrapper from Sam's hands and lays it on the drawer between the beds. He keeps his back turned from his brother as the atmosphere becomes tense.

"Dean," Sam whispers. He presses his calloused palm against the eldest Winchester's shoulder. Dean looks over with a distressed expression and places his own hand over his brothers. "I miss her too."

"I'm sorry," Dean apologizes.

"Let's talk about it," Sam insists.

"No."

"Dean-"

"I can't."

"We promised her, Sam cries, "we promised her before she died that we wouldn't end up like this- distancing ourselves and pretending everything is alright when it isn't. We're letting her down."

"I know."

"I know? That's all you have to say? Dean, she was my sister too. She's gone now and faking a world where she still exists is just hurting us."

Suddenly, Sam slams into the wall with Dean's arm against his neck. Dean glowers over him, scrunching his nose into a snarl. "Don't talk about her like that," Dean mutters before releasing the pressure from Sam's body.

"It hurts me too. It was just the two of us, then she came along rocking our boat and it seemed like we were an unstoppable trio. It's going to be so hard going back to the way things were before bug showed up." Sam collapses on the bed as tears stream down his sun-kissed face.

Dean wraps his arm around Sammy in a brotherly hug. "(Y/n) was one hell of a gunslinger."

"Yeah," Sam smiles.

"And a brat too."

"Hey, she wasn't that bad; Although, she did have her moments."

"Your right."

"She kinda gets a pass for being a girl though."

"That's not what I meant- yes, but no- I meant it's good talking about her," Dean confesses.

"See, I told you."

"Alright, alright. I'm done," Dean whines as he gets up, "We may have opened up a bit, but we are not turning into a chick flick."

"We were having a bonding moment, you jerk!"

"Bitch."

"Really?"

"Rest up. We're leaving in the morning."

"Yeah, you too. I don't need you looking like a living corpse anymore," Sam comments.

"Shut up."

---

A shiver trails up Sam's spine and his eyes jolt open in shock. The dark motel room was silent besides the soft snores coming from Dean's side of the room. A soft blue glow appears and shines over the popcorn ceiling. Sam immediately feels each of his tired muscles tense in alertness as the overwhelming foreboding thought that something else was in the room punches his gut.

He slowly reaches under the flat pillows beneath his head for his knife. His fingertips gently graze along the handle and he grasps it tightly. Sam settles his ragged breathing before springing to action. He rushes off the bed in a defense position, with the knife pointing threateningly at the figure leaning over Dean. A soft glow emits from their body as they brush their thumb over Dean's forehead with a gentle smile.

"(Y-Y/n)?" Sam asks feebly. The girl lifts her eyes to him, her (E/c) orbs glittering softly with curiosity. The knife falls from his hand and clatters to the carpeted floor. "You were dead..."

(Y/n) straightens herself, her brows furrowing.

"What happened, bug? Why show up now when we are finally getting over losing you?" Sam's voice cracks and he takes a step towards his little sister. "How exactly did you die?"

The deceased Winchester shakes her head, turning her body away. "Too soon," She gasps out, grabbing at her throat painfully.

"W-what?"

"Love you, Sammy," She whimpers out, before disappearing like smoke and the pale glow fades out.

"(Y/n)? (Y/n)! Don't leave us again!" Sam scurries to unlock the door and runs out. He looks around in a panic, only to find empty cars in an empty parking lot.

"Sammy? What's going on?" Dean calls wearily from the inside, "What is it?"

"N-nothing. It's nothing."

Was he dreaming?

#supernatural x reader #sam winchester x sister reader #sam winchester x reader #sam x dean #platonic #brotherly fluff #angst #supernatural x sister! reader #fanfiction

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

Note

Hi!! Can I request an Ateez reaction to you being unusually cuddly and just latching onto them after a long day? Maybe because you're upset about something, or just tired, on your period etc. I've been feeling really tired lately and the thought of cuddling the fuck out of them is one of the few remaining things that keep me going lol. But if you don't want to write this, that's completely fine too of course!!! Thank you and have a nice day :) ❤️

ateez reaction to you being in need of comfort

genre: fluff

word count: 1k

warnings: joong's and hwa's reactions are sort of like mini scenarios?? idk it still cute and fluffy all the same

author's notes: lowercase intentional. oh anon i totally feel you on this one :( i am super proud of you, please get some rest when you can. i hope these reactions make you feel a little better. sending lots of love <3

hongjoong

it had been a long, stressful week, to say the least. so you decide to join hongjoong in the studio one afternoon. you'll be sitting with him quietly, watching him do his thing. but the need for physical contact took over you. you decide to get up, walking over to him, at first wrapping your arms around him from behind. he smiled fondly at your touch, turning around to look at you. what he didn't expect was to see tears glisten over your eyes. "jagi..." hongjoong's voice was soft, quiet, laced with sympathy and love. he turned his chair around to face you fully and pulled you onto his lap. "i'm sorry joongie" you whimpered as you hugged him tightly. "i'm just a bit tired and sensitive today that's all." hongjoong would shush your apologies and rub circles on your back to soothe you. "it's okay, i got you."

seonghwa

life just wasn't treating you right lately. you had become emotionally exhausted and it took a big toll on you. so when you slipped into seonghwa's room, you didn't want to make eye contact with him. he immediately notices your uncharacteristic demeanour. "y/n? you okay sweetie?" he inquired. finally giving in and looking at him, you burst into tears, not being able to control yourself anymore. seonghwa would rush up to you, extremely concerned. he would scoop you up in his arms and cradle you, letting you cry into his neck. he himself would probably be emotional and distressed from your crying in general. you cling onto him for the rest of the night and he clings onto you too. there's no way he's letting you go.

yunho

yunho is such an easy boyfriend. if you want space? he will give it to you. similarly, if you want to hang off of him like a koala bear the whole day, who is he to deny such a request? yunho just loves to know that he is your source of comfort. his way of soothing you is by distracting you from any negative thoughts by talking about other different random things. he likes to make jokes here and there because he wants to see you smile <///3 but all this time he is using the sweetest, softest voice for you. as much as he likes joking around he does take your emotions seriously, so if he senses that his jokes aren't landing the way he wants them to, he will stop and provide you with a big bear hug <//3

yeosang

i know yeosang seems quite shy but he does like to feel needed/wanted. so on the days when you just need him to hold you and cuddle you softly, he would really like that. he is such a softie :(( he would just love cuddling in peaceful silence with you, both of you relaxing together and dwelling in each others company. you both are very comforted. if you are just tired, it is easier for him to comfort you, getting you relaxed and making you comfortable enough to drift off to sleep in his arms. however, if you are sad, he might be a little awkward at first, not knowing how to comfort you. he would likely stay silent and pull you in for a tight hug, letting you cry and vent to him about anything.

san

he is like an expert in comforting you because he knows exactly what to say and do to make you feel better. san is would be just as clingy as you tbh. he just lives and thrives off of cuddles so when you tell him you are sad and weak and just want to be close to him the boy literally melts. 'ahh my baby you have nothing to worry about, i'm here" he would say in his cute pouty voice that he does, all to make you feel better. he will sit you on his lap and cuddle you so close, cooing and kissing all your worries and negative thoughts away. looking at you with so much affection in his eyes, he will not stop saying how much he loves you.

mingi

this guy wants cuddles all the time like it's not a joke. he might stiffen up a bit when he sees you upset because he is anxious he might say or do the wrong thing and possibly hurt your feelings or make things worse. but he tries his very best. you will both get into your pyjamas and he will pull you onto his chest so you guys are all snuggly together. he will probably put on a comfort movie and play with your hair, whispering different compliments here and there: "you look so beautiful today" and "i can't believe you're mine." would feel proud if you fell asleep on him, because he knows he's made you feel relaxed <3333

wooyoung

"why are you latching onto me huh? did you miss me that much today?" wooyoung's tone would be playful as he teased you, feeling your arms wrapped around his form in a back hug. when he doesn't hear you respond he turns around to face you, and after seeing your tearful and exhausted face, he softens and pulls you in for a deeper hug. "well i still don't think you missed me as much as i missed you baby" he says in a gentler tone, giving you a reassuring squeeze before plopping on the couch with you, cuddling the night away.

jongho

jongho isn't used to you being extra cuddly. he doesn't really know what to do at first, sort of quirking up an eyebrow when you continue to hang onto him and embrace him. but he will accept your affection with a light-hearted chuckle. still, he can sense something isn't quite right. "you okay, jagi?" he would ask in a soft but firm voice. when you lower your gaze, he would reach out to grab your hand and pull your body closer to his. "tell me what's wrong then. i'm here. i'm listening."

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munson-blurbs · 1 year

Text

Hawkins Boys (Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader angst/fluff)

Summary: You work up the courage to ask Eddie to the prom, but he seemingly turns you down in favor of Chrissy Cunningham. How will he feel when you show up with Steve Harrington?

Warnings: language, sadness, Eddie is an idiot, brief violence, Chrissy is lovely as always

WC: 2.7k

You:

Today is the day you do it. The day you face you fears, swallow your anxiety, and ask you best friend to the prom.

Eddie Munson is not a prom guy. He doesn't wear suits, he doesn't slow dance, and he probably wouldn't know romance if it smacked him in the head. But you've had a crush on him for ages, and you had to make your move. If he was going to fall for you, it would be on a night when you were dressed up and gorgeous.

He's sitting at the lunch table alone, waiting for the rest of Hellfire Club to come back with their trays of hot food. He nibbles at a pretzel, smiling when he notices you plunk down next to him. You fish two peanut butter sandwiches out of your bag and hand him one. You've been telling him that your mom insists on packing you two, but the truth is, you always make an extra one for him.

"We're almost done with this godforsaken place," you remind him. "You're gonna walk that stage and finally get your diploma."

"Can't come soon enough," he replies, taking a bite of the sandwich. "Told you all that '86 is my year!"

You giggle. "Would've been more believable if you didn't say the same about '84 and '85." He gives you a playful shove, making you laugh harder.

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters, but he's still smiling. "I'm gonna miss these sandwiches when you go off to college." He raises it for emphasis.

"I'll send you peanut butter so you can make your own," you tease, though the idea doesn't sound half-bad. You just imagine him opening up a package filled with jars of Jif.

He cocks an eyebrow. "I thought I was supposed to send you care packages," he says.

There's a brief silence before you begin to speak again. "Eddie?" you start, "would you wanna go to prom with me?"

Eddie:

"Would you wanna go to prom with me?"

Eddie feels himself freeze. He was going to ask you later today after Hellfire, but now he's caught off-guard. He wracks his brain for what to say.

Steve had given him advice, the same that he had given to Dustin: don't seem too eager, too desperate; keep it casual.

"Oh, uh..." he stammers, running his fingers through his coarse hair. "I dunno...I was thinking of asking Chrissy." There. That would throw you off until he could ask you properly.

He notices as your face falls, and while it makes his heart pang, he doesn't read too much into it. He's already planned how he's going to ask you to prom, and he'll make up for it then.

You:

Tears sting at your eyes when you hear that Eddie's asking Chrissy Cunningham to prom. It makes sense: she's beautiful, sweet, kind, and recently broke up with Jason Carver. You blink until your watery eyes clear, but you know it's only temporary. As soon as the Hellfire boys crowd the table, you quietly slip away. The tears start to fall when you burst into the girls' restroom; sobs make your chest heave.

How could you be so stupid to think that Eddie Munson liked you. You'd been friends for ages; if he wanted to take things farther, he already would have. You lock yourself in a stall until you begin to calm down, at least enough so that you can wash your face and look halfway presentable for your next class.

You're blotting your cheeks with a paper towel that resembles sandpaper when she walks in. Chrissy fucking Cunningham.

"Y/N!" she exclaims, worry evident on her pretty face. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," you lie plainly, buying time to think of an excuse. "Just overwhelmed with the idea of everything being...over." Mostly your fantasies of you and Eddie, but you omit that crucial detail.

Chrissy nods knowingly. "I get it. It's like, we're big fish in a little pond, and soon we'll be little fish in a gigantic pond." She manages a small smile. "At least we still have prom!"

Your voice catches in your throat, and you cough before speaking. "About that..." You're not exactly sure why you're doing this; maybe because you really care about Eddie's happiness, even if it kills you. "I think Eddie Munson wants to go with you. But he's shy about it--you should ask him."

Chrissy wrinkles her nose in confusion. "Me?" she asks. "I've, well, bought from him a few times, but I never knew he was into me."

You laugh. "Chrissy, you're the Queen of Hawkins High," you say gently. "It doesn't take much for the guys here to fall in love with you."

She blushes, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. "Well, it's not like Jason's gonna take me anymore," she laments, "and Eddie's always been nice to me. Sure, why not?" She pulls you in for a quick hug before flouncing off.

Eddie:

Eddie's relieved when you leave the table; it gives him a chance to go over the plan with the rest of Hellfire.

"So remember," he states, "the goal of today's campaign isn't to win; it's to ask Y/N to prom. Got it?" He looks around sharply at his flock of sheep.

"Got it," they chorus, and he grins.

"Excellent," Eddie says, clasping his hands together. "Now, Sinclair, you're going to--"

"Eddie?" a polite voice breaks his train of thought. He glances over to see Chrissy Cunningham, ponytail swinging in its green scrunchie. "Hi!"

"Um, hi," he answers with a cautious smile. He's not totally opposed to dealing in the middle of the cafeteria, but he prefers the privacy of the woods. "What's up?"

"I was just talking with Y/N," she starts, and Eddie's heart leaps at the mention of your name, "and she said you wanted to take me to prom but were a little nervous to ask."

The other Hellfire members gawp, puzzled at what's unfolding in front of them.

"Anyway," Chrissy continues, "I'd love to go with you! Meet at my place for pictures around 5?"

Eddie sits, slack-jawed, which Chrissy mistakes for introversion. "Here's my address," she slips him a piece of paper and beams. "I really thought I'd have no one to go with after Jason, you know..." she trails off, thinking about her ex's infidelity. "So I really appreciate this." She presses a chaste kiss to his cheek and heads back to her table.

"Dude," Mike Wheeler says finally, "What. The. Fuck?"

Eddie buries his head in his hands. "Y/N asked me to prom, and I told her that I wanted to take Chrissy so she wouldn't be suspicious of my plan, but I guess she...FUCK!" He slams his fists on the table. "What do I do now?"

Dustin slaps a hand to Eddie's back. "Looks like you're taking Chrissy Cunningham to prom, hot shot."

You:

You drive directly to Family Video after school to visit your friend Steve, ditching Hellfire without a second thought. Keith doesn't work Friday afternoons, and you know Steve will let you hunker down in the break room while you throw yourself a pity party.

The tears start up again as soon as you walk through the door. Steve notices immediately, hoisting himself over the counter.

"What happened?" he murmurs, pulling you in for a hug. His eyes widen when you relay the story to him.

"That doesn't make any sense," Steve mutters under his breath, rubbing your back with his strong hand. Eddie had just come to him for advice about you, like, last week. He'd made it abundantly clear that he wanted to take you to prom. Steve hadn't a clue about what changed since then.

"It makes perfect sense," you choke out. "Chrissy is perfect. Everyone loves her; it's not like Eddie is immune to her charm."

Steve takes a deep breath. "I can take you to the prom, if you want," he offers. "I know I'm not your first choice, but at least you won't have to go alone."

You nod gratefully. "Thank you, Stevie," you hug him, smushing your cheek to his chest. "You're the best." The thought of watching Eddie and Chrissy slow dancing still makes you feel sick, but you feel safer knowing that Steve will be by your side.

Your stomach is in knots as you, Robin, Nancy, and Vickie crowd around your vanity, teasing hair and applying makeup. The four of you look incredible: Robin in a red pantsuit, Vickie in a matching knee-length dress, Nancy in a baby pink tulle gown, and you in an emerald dress that ends mid-thigh. You've never felt more beautiful.

Your hand shakes as you bring the mascara wand to your eyelashes, and Nancy notices.

"Nervous about seeing Eddie?" she asks knowingly, and you just nod. She sighs and takes your manicured hands in hers, squeezing them tight. "He doesn't know what he's missing. Chrissy's great, sure, but you two could be soulmates. If he's too dumb to see that, he doesn't deserve you."

You give her the best smile you can muster and go back to readying yourself.

Steve arrives right on time. He takes a sharp breath inward when he sees you make your way down the stairs. You'd been friends since you were kids, seeing each other go through all the awkward stages of life, and he always considered you to be a little sister to him. Tonight, with you in that dress, he's thinking different kinds of thoughts.

"Y/N, you look amazing," he tells you, sliding a corsage onto your wrist. You pin the boutonniere to the lapel of his suit jacket, giggling as you accidentally prick your finger.

"You look so handsome, Steve," you say truthfully. "Thank you so much for taking me."

"My pleasure," he says, losing himself in your eyes for a moment. He clears his throat suddenly. "All right, let's ship out!"

The gym is decorated beautifully; it's hard to tell that it's usually filled with the sound of squeaking sneakers and basketballs bouncing on the wood floor. You make your way to the dance floor with Steve, Robin, Vickie, Nancy, and Jonathan. You're swaying your body and having such a great time that you don't even notice Eddie walk in with Chrissy.

Eddie:

But he notices you.

You're the first thing he sees when he enters the gym, looking absolutely breathtaking in your green dress. Eddie watches as you take Steve Harrington's hand in your own, twirling around and laughing. It's then that he realizes that Steve's tie matches your dress--he's your prom date.

That son of a bitch gave me shit advice so he could steal her, he thinks angrily, clenching his fists. I knew he was still a douchebag. I shouldn't have ever trusted him.

Chrissy wraps her hand around Eddie's bicep, pulling him closer. "You good?" she asks.

"Yeah," he answers too quickly. "Actually, no. Chrissy, I-I think you're an amazing girl. But I wanted to bring Y/N; I got scared when she asked me and made up something about wanting to take you, and not that I don't, but--"

"Eddie, relax," she puts out her hands to stop his rambling. "I thought it was kinda weird when she said you wanted to take me. I mean, everyone can see that you're in love with the girl."

Eddie blushes, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Is it that obvious?"

Chrissy laughs. "Do me a favor?" She waits for him to nod before continuing. "Go after her." The band starts playing a slow song, and Chrissy grins harder. "Perfect timing--ask her for a dance."

Eddie pushes aside his anxiety and turns to go find you. And he does--just as Steve leans over and pulls you in for a kiss.

You:

The band starts playing "Take My Breath Away" when it happens: Steve kisses you.

His soft, pillowy lips crash into yours haphazardly, like he hasn't thought his actions through. He gently places his hand on your forearm. You're too stunned to moved, and even more so when the kiss ends abruptly.

Or rather, it's ended by Eddie grabbing Steve by the collar, slamming him into the nearest wall.

Eddie:

"Harrington, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Eddie snarls, shoving Steve so that his head nearly hits the wall.

"I could ask you the same thing!" Steve retorts. "Get your hands off of me and go back to your date!"

"The only reason I had to take Chrissy was because of your shitty advice," Eddie hisses, never letting go of Steve. "Telling me to play it cool, not to show too much interest. See how well that worked out for me."

"I said be aloof, not be an asshole!" Steve spits back. "Y/N asked you to prom--you should've said yes. Is she supposed to sit around and wait for you? After you straight up rejected her for the head cheerleader?"

And then Eddie finally sees it from your perspective. You worked up the courage to ask him out. You stood there while he seemingly chose Chrissy over you. You set him up with her, still wanting to ensure his happiness. And now you had moved on, moved on with Steve Harrington, and Eddie just had to accept that.

Unless he didn't. Unless he fought for you, like she should've been fighting for you this whole time.

"Where'd she go?" he asks, wide-eyed.

"Put me down, and I'll help you find her."

You:

You run out of the gym, desperate to escape the escalating drama. Footsteps echo behind you, and a male voice says, "There she is."

A large hand grabs your small one. You're pulled back, finding yourself face-to-face with Eddie.

"We need to talk," he says, his voice serious but gentle.

You shake your head. "Go dance with Chrissy and stop worrying about me," you tell him. "Please just leave me alone."

"I don't wanna dance with Chrissy," he says. "I wanna dance with you. I had this whole campaign planned out where I was gonna ask you to prom at the end, and all the Hellfire guys were in on it, but then you asked me and I panicked."

"I don't need your pity, Eddie."

"It's not pity," Steve interrupts, hands in his pockets. "It's the truth. He's an idiot, but he's an idiot who loves you."

"And you?" you ask quizzically, still confused about the kiss.

Steve chuckles softly. "I'm just an idiot who got caught up in the moment. I shouldn't have...I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you tell him, and he nods before starting to leave.

"Hear him out," he says before going back to the gym, jerking his thumb at Eddie.

You cross your arms over your chest as you turn to the metalhead. "It's really hard to be mad at you when you look so good in that suit," you admit shyly.

Eddie takes a step closer to you. "Remind me to wear suits more often," he jokes lightly,

"Or just stop doing dumb things."

He nods. "Noted." He turns slightly towards the gym doors. "Can I...will you dance with me?"

You grin. "Only if you tell me about that special campaign you had planned. Piqued my curiosity, I can't lie."

Eddie leads you back to the dance floor. You wrap your arms around his neck; he places his on the small of your back.

"So," you start, "that campaign?"

"Oh, right," he says, and you sense some anxiety in his tone. "Yeah, I'll tell you about that. But first..."

And then he kisses you, parting your lips with his own. You kiss him back, never wanting to break it.

It ends naturally, with Eddie smiling too wide to continue.

"What are you so happy about?" you tease, rubbing your thumb against his smooth cheek.

He presses his lips to yours again, more briefly this time. "You're finally my girl. Finally mine."

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #fanfic

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bts-0t-7 · 5 months

Text

So What? | MYG | Chapter 14

Pair: Hybrid Cat Yoongi x F Reader

Summary: Running from a past that foreshadows him, Yoongi is adamant about ever turning back to his human counterpart form, in hopes that nobody would recognise him and take him away. You worked at a cafe with your best friend. As a more-than-normal day seemed to go by, you discovered something amidst your housing block. Perhaps - just perhaps, the nighttime is where the angels arrive.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hybrid, non-idol au

Warnings: Contains explicit language, abuse

WC: 2.7K

Taglist: @bearr02 @svnbangtansworld @vintageoldfashion @rkivemaar @bontensbabygirl @codeinebelle @ldysmfrst @idkjustlovingbts @popcatx0 @yoonjinsgirl @marblemoonstones

A/N: As promised :) hehe...

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Seokjin had come over in the middle of the night when you couldn’t sleep and inerputed him for a movie marathon. Beyond tired was a mild way of putting it. He woke up early in the morning, struggling and finally managing to shimmy out of your grasp after a long fifteen minutes. He stilled against the bed, one foot out on the floor, bed hair spiking everywhere, and head slowly turning to you as you whined about the loss of contact. Acting fast, Seokjin tucked a pillow under your arm.

You sighed and nuzzled it, quickly falling back into the Dreamland.

Seokjin rubbed his face and got out of bed, padding to your kitchen on soft feet to prepare some breakfast. As he opened the refrigerator, he found two lunchboxes of overnight oats. Opening them, he took a sniff, trying to sense how long they had been in the fridge. After he deemed that they were edible, he placed one on the table and headed to pack your living room as he ate.

It wasn't long before you woke up to the birds cawing outside your window, silently cursing them to let you sleep a little longer. Just as you were almost back asleep, they started calling again, causing you to groan out in frustration. Everything has been frustrating recently. You patted the space beside you, only for your hands to touch against the cool sheets.

Sighing, you pushed yourself out of bed, heading to the kitchen where you were sure your brother was.

Only to find it empty with a box of half-eaten overnight oats you had just made last afternoon. You tilted your head, yawning as you tried to think.

"That's mine." Seokjin came into the kitchen with arms full of opened snacks and dirty, empty cups. "Go take yours. I left it in the fridge."

"Where were you?" Your voice came out scratchy and hoarse, the aftermath of all the tears and screaming last night.

"Living room." Seokjin placed the cups in the sink. "I'm surprised you walked straight past me at the couch just now." He snickered, keeping your snacks in the baskets.

"You were probably hiding from me, waiting for this moment."

"Nah, I wouldn't be so bad."

The both of you started the day by cleaning your house, Seokjin nagging at you for not taking care of yourself and the place you live in. The constant "Look at the amount of dust there is on this!" and "Oh my gosh, Y/N!". At least your brain took a break from what you were running from. After dinner, Seokjin had left, saying that he was called back to the hospital. You shooed him off despite him worrying over you.

"Are you sure you'll be fine?" His brows were creased against his forehead. "I can cancel anyway. My licence is no longer valid so technically calling me back is unnecessary. So I can stay if you need me."

"Just go, Seokjin."

"They'll probably make me stay the whole night, you know that."

"I know that." You patted his shoulder. "Just go, I'll be fine."

With your constant pestering and deflection, Seokjin reluctantly left your house, leaving you once again in your mind. You watch as his car revered from the parking lot, driving away. You closed the curtains and turned off the lights.

Might as well get some sleep to escape reality.

The sad truth of that.

You had woken up just as Lillianne burst into your house screaming, “FBI, OPEN UP!”

Groaning, you turned to the side, hands blindly grabbing your phone off the coffee table. When your sleep-muggled brain finally registered the time that your screen showed you, you shot up, cursing your way to your room.

“I was wondering why you weren’t out yet. You better be lucky I came in.”

Hastily, you got yourself ready, shrugging on clothes like you were just caught. Technically, you were. You and Lils managed to leave the house in a record time of seven minutes, only missing your water bottle. But the water in the shop was free anyway, so you’d just take that.

Starting the car, you drove off in the direction of the shop. The moment you stepped in, you were already dreading coming to work. The shop was filled with customers.

Good for the business, not good for your health.

Starting the orders in the receipts, you prepped yourself for a long night ahead. Lils worked at the cashier, shoving more receipts your way as you balanced making drinks and serving to scoop ice creams.

You were certainly not pleased with the amount of people in the shop at four in the afternoon. But it was a Saturday - what could you say?

Family gatherings, children playing around, couples on dates. It made your heart clench every time you had to serve a couple. Seeing the lovey-dovey looks they send each other reminded you of a certain hybrid. Shaking your head, you tightened your apron and continued. The coffee would not make itself and the food would not serve itself.

Oh, how you would love that.

Then, you wouldn’t have to constantly run about. But that is the nature of the job. One could only expect so much from a food and beverage job. The night went on much busier than usual on a Saturday night. Parties were held there with big gatherings and by the time the shop closed, you had heard a good four birthday songs and seen an uncountable amount of bouquets.

Cleaning up, you cleared off the used cutleries and dishes, setting them in the sink for the kitchen staff to wash. Ensuring that no ice cream scooper is left in their respective boxes overnight, you then swept and mopped the floor before cleaning the tables. Going out to throw the trash, you grabbed the bags from the kitchen and outside.

Spotting a black cat sitting idly at the bus stop, you gave it a small hello before speed-walking to the bins. They were heavy trash bags. There were a lot of baking and alcohol bottles used today. You weren’t sure when the cat had leapt down and followed you, but you soon found yourself stumbling over, trying not to step on the cat’s wagging tail. It walked in between your legs, rubbing its head against your calves - chasing it was more likely - as its tail swished violently.

Its actions reminded you a lot of Yoongi. That cat loved to show affection by constantly rubbing your calves and scenting you in between your shoulders. He had said that it was a comfortable spot to sleep on.

Your heart clenched at the thought of him.

After throwing the trash away, you squatted down to give its head a small pat with the back of your hands. “I’m sorry, buddy. My hands are filled with syrup right now and I wouldn’t like you for you to get sick when you groom yourself.”

It followed you to the shop, stopping just outside the doors.

“Come on in, buddy.” You gestured for the cat.

It was dark outside and with the heavy trash bags, you didn’t take a good look at the cat, trying to work your way around not hurting it. But now that it was inside, it mewoed and continued to rub at your ankles, going around you in circles.

“Sit.” You instructed it. It was something you hoped it could understand. And it did.

After washing your hands, you rummaged through the kitchen for a can of tuna. Spotting three, you took them all with you and headed out. Opening one, you placed it in front of the cat. “There you go, you can have all three. I’ll go get you some water, okay?”

When you headed back to the front, you found it prodding at the second can. “Here,” You placed the bowl of water onto the floor. “Have some water first. I’ll open it for you.”

You were stopped with two paws on your arm, the cat jumping up onto your lap. Sitting down in a cross-legged position, gave it more space to roam. But it seemed to know exactly where it wanted to be. In the middle with his head propped on your upper thigh. Its loud purrs fill the room as you stroke it from ear to snout.

It looks just like Yoongi.

You knew that but your conscious brain was just trying to reject it.

It wasn’t until its moonlit eyes slid to yours did the waterworks started. Carrying him up, you looked at the cat in your arms through watery eyes. Its shocked expression and terrified meows -

Your eyes closed the moment you felt his rough tongue lick your cheek. Tilting your head away from him to not cover his shiny fur in your slob, you tucked him between your neck and shoulder, head hanging down.

Yoongi knew Jimin was right.

Yoongi knew that he needed to talk to you.

Yoongi also knew the address where you stayed and worked.

So when he overheard Seokjin asking a favour from Jimin to keep his phone on call in case you needed him, Yoongi dashed out of the house. Scurrying from Jimin’s home to the shop, his little cat paws could only get him there so fast.

By the time he reached it, he was parched. Panting, he stuck his tongue out to moderate his temperature. He wanted to take the chance of the next customer to enter the shop and call your attention to him. But seeing you so busy, running from place to place without a stop, Yoongi decided that it was better if he waited until the shop closed.

So Yoongi took his spot at the shaded area of the bus stop and watched you work. You were quick and agile, moving like the wind. Many times, he saw the flinch of pain and growth of your eyes when you were scared. When big groups of people came in, he could see the exhaustion in your eyes. You tried not to show the customers - but Yoongi knew better. The pain in your eyes when you see couples made his head hang.

It was his fault.

When the day was finally over and the shop closed, Yoongi waited for his chance. Like a cat hunting for his prey, Yoongi’s attention grew sharper. He noted each of your movements and when you finally came out with trash bags in hand, he leaped for it.

He did not expect you to spot him from far but you did.

It made his heart swell with a feeling he couldn’t quite describe. Pride, most probably.

She noticed me.

Rubbing against your ankles, he meowed for your attention, glad to finally be close to you. You hadn’t recognised him and it made Yoongi feel a little… sad. But the moment you did, you burst into tears and Yoongi couldn’t find a way to stop it. He was essentially trapped in your hold. He meowed frantically, hoping that you would sense the distress in his voice and stop. But you didn’t.

You continued, caressing his fur and mumbling his name over and over again.

With a meow and a particularly harsh tug, he slid out of your grasp and stood on your thighs, licking your face. You laughed as he found your sensitive spot just behind your ear. Trying to get him out of your face, Yoongi held on and continued. It was better than you crying.

“Okay, okay.” You got up, placing him on a table as he hissed from the cold contact. “I’m okay. But now I have to go wash my face since you just covered me in slobber.��

Yoongi sat up and watched your movements. From cleaning up yourself to cleaning the floor and leftover water to you turning off everything and picking him up, he didn’t dare relax. It wasn’t until you placed him in your car and wrapped him in his favourite towel did he started to feel it.

He was holding it in for such a long time that -

Tears unconsciously slid down his eyes, matting his fur.

He didn’t know how long it was before your arms pulled him up again, carrying him onto your lap. “Yoongs… Don’t cry… We’ll figure it out, I’ll try harder. I promise.”

But it has nothing to do with you.

It’s me.

The silence was kept at a peaceful wavelength until you reached home. Picking him and your bags up, he cuddled closer to you, seeking your warmth in the chilly air. The moment you opened the door, Yoongi lept out of your arms and slinked through the cat door on his door, pleased to find that it had not been locked.

Quickly shifting and changing, Yoongi left the room and slid to your side on the floor.

You brought your hands to his face, cupping his cheeks but he did not dare grumble. He wanted this to last as long as possible.

“I chose you, Y/N. I choose you, mate.” Yoongi confessed.

You closed your eyes as your lips trembled and Yoongi brought his hands up to wipe away the tears that streaked down your face.

“I’m sorry…” You whispered.

“No, please don’t be. Please.” Yoongi begged. “You are the most amazing person ever. The most beautiful and does everything you can just for me. I am sorry. I have let you down - hurt you just because I thought it was easier to let you hate me than love me.” Yoongi let himself go, crying in your lap. “My strong, beautiful, exceptional mate.” Yoongi looked up at you, voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”

This is one of the few times that Yoongi broke down in front of you.

“I’m so, so, sorry.” Yoongi kneeled in front of you, head in your lap. “I’m sorry. I did not mean - I -”

You gently placed your hands in his hair, ruffling them and stroking his ears. Yoongi’s harsh sobs could be heard throughout your house. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” You mumbled into his hair, bent over onto his body. “It’s okay, Yoongs. I’m sorry too.”

Yoongi’s head tilted upwards, voice hoarse as he asked, “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I jumped to conclusions and didn’t put enough trust and hope into our relationship. And that I let this become when we could have easily talked it out properly if I had chosen the right words to tell you.” You smiled down at him.

You had never thought that you would ever say these three words that would mean so much. You thought that our chance had been blown the moment you started that argument. You expected your chance to stay blown when Yoongi walked out of the courtroom without looking back. Saying them to Lils and Jin was a different thing from saying to Yoongi. You were always the person to express instead of say but this time -

“Yoongi,” You tilted his face upwards to you, eyes boring into his as you muttered the three words of magic. “I love you.”

From this view, you can see the widening of his eyes.

“You - You love me?” Yoongi’s eyes sparkled with a shimmery glow. “You love me?”

You nodded, smiling at his goofy expression. Yoongi suddenly shot up, bouncing around the house - much like an excited dog might when he goes on walks.

“You love me! You love me!” Yoongi ran to the windows. “Y/N love me!”

Your eyes widened, hands instantly pulling him back. “Don’t go screaming it to the world! It isn’t even 5 a.m.!”

Yoongi turned, the light in his eyes knocking the breath out of you. “But you’re mine.” Yoongi’s eyes crinkled and a gummy smile was full on show. “And you love me.”

You nodded undoubtedly. Yoongi brought you close to his chest, hugging you tightly. “You love me and I love you too.”

“Yoongi -”

“I love you.” He shook his head, eyes shining with inner light and it knocked the breath right out of you. “I love you, wholly.”

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