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#idk im gonna be observing but im not feeling good about the state of the internet
ophexis · 2 months
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trying not to think too hard about how quickly a certain art site that shall not be named went downhill the second they started doing their opt-in/out bullshit
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hi hi idk how you feel about angst or hurt/comfort type stuff but if you’d be comfortable with it.. could i get a post about mercs caring for a depressed reader? like on a particularly “off” day? thank you and apologies if you dont do that stuff in advance im new here (ㆀ˘・з・˘)
Hi! i’m totally down for angst/comfort stuff! I haven’t been feeling very inspired as of late so this request speaks to me quite a bit. (I also just decided to do a handful of the mercs this time, hope that’s okay!)
Mercs caring for a depressed reader
Sniper:
He gets it, wholeheartedly. And you can most certainly expect him to have full empathy for you, with no room for judgement.
He’s had plenty of off days himself, he just happens to be really good at hiding it with his usual nonchalant attitude.
However, that doesn’t mean you have to have his shitty coping mechanisms. He’s a very ‘Everyone is allowed to have/express negative feelings except for me’ type of guy, which he knows is a bad habit, however he’s not gonna attempt to fix that anytime soon.
He’ll help by cleaning up your spaces, he knows that’s typically one way to start feeling like your old self again. But he’ll also make sure to get you food, something easy but also energizing. While also just.. being there, not forcing you to talk, but also not ignoring you.
Scout:
He’s so stupid, bless his heart.
But he means well, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something to try and cheer you up.
He might end up asking his mom for advice, and then using every possible solution known to man just to help you get out of bed in the morning.
He’s going into this with a severe lack of experience, considering anytime he’s upset he just goes on a run until his legs feel like they’re gonna fall off.
Medic:
His first thought is to go through all the ‘fix-it’ solutions so he could get you out of your depressed state.
And while obviously he has good intentions at heart, it just makes you all the more overwhelmed and probably even makes you want to shut yourself off from everyone else even more than before.
So after some heavy chastising from Heavy, he tries a different, more gentle approach. He won’t try to bother you or pull you out of bed, he’ll just sit there or lay there with you. Offering a shoulder to cry on, or just to let you cry it out in general.
Sometimes he forgets how to comfort others, and how to be less analytical. And your off day was a painful reminder on how he needs to be more observant of the people he loves.
Heavy:
He’s spent the majority of his life with his three sisters and his mother, he’s probably the most in-touch with his feelings out of all the mercs.
You can expect everything from this wonderful, perfect man.
Freshly cleaned bedding, laundry, home-cooked meals, taking you out to sit outside for a while for some air, making you tea, etc.
He will never force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but he will highly encourage you to do things he know that will help.
Demo:
He’s very similar to sniper when it comes to these situations, he completely understands what it’s like to be in such an awful slump.
His usual ways of dealing with negative feelings aren’t exactly.. the best, however: he’s gotten a lot better with confronting his emotions over time.
He’ll talk with you, give you advice, genuine advice coming from years and years worth of experience.
He also likes to just make you both some tea, and come sit with you in whatever space you feel the most comfortable in. Where the two of you will sit in a comfortable silence, drinking tea.
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!HOW PRO!IZUKU REACTS TO YOU BEING HIS SECRET ADMIRER!
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izuku midoriya x gn!reader
word count// 1k
notes// idk man i just b writing… anyways confident izuku 😵‍💫😵‍💫 maybe borderline ooc izuku? regardless i hope it’s not too bad …
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In all honesty, the love letters made Izuku nervous, and he's not sure if it's a good nervousness or not. Izuku was always the observant one, writing things about people—their quirks but still writing about them—so for the tables to turn and to have someone observe him and write about him left him fuzzy, not to mention the fact that whoever it was was writing about how much they liked him, admired him, and might’ve even loved him. Part of him believes that it’s probably just a crazed fan; that wouldn’t be too far-fetched considering he’s the number one hero, but something deep within him is telling him it has to be someone he knows, and it's probably because there’s no way for a fan to get into his office and leave these little letters when hes not there. 
It's been a few months at this point, and Izuku is frustrated. He’s the number one hero; solving mysteries is literally his job, and yet he still can't figure out the simple little mystery of who’s leaving these love letters for him. He decides he’s just going to give up on it, at least for tonight, which is why he finds himself waiting for you, his hero partner and best friend, in your office so that the two of you could go out for drinks. Izuku’s gaze falls on your desk; he picks up things at random to entertain himself as he waits for you to get off patrol. Among the clutter on your desk, his gaze is drawn to a pad of sticky notes—notes that look suspiciously like the ones on which his love letters are written.
He knows he shouldn’t snoop, but it’s in his blood to be curious. He finds himself holding his breath as he picks up the sticky notes and flips through them. The first few notes are blank, but then he hits the jackpot: notes upon notes confessing your love for him, and Izuku feels his heart swell. He bites back a smile; he can't say he's never thought about you in that way; in fact, he's thought about you quite frequently. though his moment of happiness is quickly ruined when he hears your foot steps approaching. He quickly shoves the notepad into his back pocket and tries to contain himself, even when it feels like every nerve in his body is on fire.
You walk in, surprised to see him there. “hey! I thought I was gonna meet you in your office?”
Izuku shrugs, a warm smile plastered onto his face. “Ah, I just got here actually; I was bored of waiting so I came to see if maybe you were here already.”
You return the smile. “well im here now. you ready to go?”
Izuku so badly wants to just wrap you up in his arms and kiss all over your face, but he doesn't. Instead, he nods, and then the two of you were on your way. 
Come the next day, you were already in a slight mood from being hungover. You don't mean to get so drunk whenever you and Izuku go out, but you do every time because every time you think that maybe tonight will be the night you get yourself drunk enough to confess, but just like every other night, it doesn’t work. So you rely on your little letters to get your feelings through to him, even if anonymously. So just like every other time you're hung over, you go to reach for your notepad, but it's not there. You feel your heart drop into your stomach, but you try to calm yourself down. Your desk is messy, and it's probably just hiding under some papers somewhere. So here you are at ten in the morning, practically tearing apart your desk just to find a stupid notepad with your stupid feelings written on it.
Izuku walks into your office to find you in a state of panic, and he goes wide-eyed at first, scared that something bad might have happened, but then it hits him. You’re looking for the notepad, and something inside him awakens. You’ve kept this from him for so long that it’s only fair that he gets to tease you, right?
Izuku clears his throat and feigns concern. “Hey, are you okay? what happened?”
Your head snaps up to look at him, your chest rising and falling quickly. “h-hey. im fine! just lost something…”
Izuku walks towards your desk as if he plans on helping you look for whatever you lost. “Oh, what’d you lose? maybe I could help you find it!”
“No!” you shriek, and Izuku has to use everything inside him not to laugh. 
Izuku pouts, “Why not?”
You nervously pat yourself down before clearing your throat and sitting back down in your seat. “It’s not important,” you reply meekly.
Izuku genuinely frowns this time as he speaks softly, “Your feelings for me aren't important?”
You look at him wide-eyed; surely, you must've heard him wrong, right? You laugh nervously. “w-what?”
You watch how Izuku reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the very thing you were panicking over, your stupid sticky notes with your stupid feelings, and you wish for nothing more than the ground to swallow you whole. 
Izuku places it on your desk in front of you. “That’s what you were looking for, right?” he asks with a small smile and a tilt of his head. 
"When did you—when did you find—?" You’re stumbling over your words, and it feels like you’re gonna throw up. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks as he makes his way behind your desk. 
You swallow hard as you look up at him now standing in front of you."I didn't think-- I mean, you probably have a long line of people swooning over you, so I--"
Izuku leans in, his face dangerously close to yours, and caresses your cheek with his hand. “What makes you think I'd seriously want anyone but you?”
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© LITTLEXBIMBO
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thinking about how so much of mental health recovery is self forgiveness and allowing yourself to move on and how (having been raised in religious shame structure) not being able to can really trap you into patterns if you don’t. im about to make this about that vampire show lmao. i tried not to. i didn’t even expect this. i was gonna just do a to delete personal post. but whatever. you don’t have to read. but, there’s so much shame in being unwell. all religion teaches you in that anyone of “sin” is deserving of instability, of punishment, unhappiness of hell. then religions tell people to turn that voice inwards and name it their governing god voice. thats so damaging.
my mind is whizzing with religious trauma thoughts in amc iwtv. as well as mental health aspects given how i’ve been and i haven’t really done wtf your call this in a while and i’m really too shrouded in the shame of being unwell to even feel like i should say anything at all anymore. i’m pushing through bc that’s honestly the problem.
that’s what i see reflected in louis. suffering silently bc you might be the hell you can’t escape bc the magnitude you’re experiencing it makes you feel like you must deserve it. if it’s you then what else could there be. doesnt seem like even what’s good can come without hell-in-tow. in his line of work, in his life with his family, in the only way he could be with jonah, in lestat, in claudia. hell is always right there where the good things are. and then everywhere you look the thought is it’s reinforced. religion indoctrinates in you that good is for those who are pure. louis was never afforded pure. even tho it’s actually an injustice and pure is a tool for exclusion and hatred etc. etc. sometimes even when you know that, even when you have the awareness of how unfair it is to be held to a standard never meant for you, it doesnt mean shame isnt effective.
im thinking about shame and self-flagellation in louis. someone on here once pointed out how louis might have thought he was really losing it where lestat was concerned, with all his tricks, and how that was probably why he didn’t want to look at it head on. i get that observation bc of the shame and i also get the appeal and seduction of just letting the mind go with whatever it is if you’re receiving something you’ve been starved of for a long time. bc sometimes losing your mind feels like chains falling and bounds expanding. and it’s all so alluring especially when the state of your mind is as a result of the rigidness of society and life around you. and then the shame that comes for what you perceive yourself to have allowed when things go to hell. especially when it seems like hell is a rapid endless thing with infinite ways to show you all you ever wanted decay before your very eyes bc trauma is death and death is trauma and this is the death and trauma show.
and religions determine what death is in your mind’s eye. and religious shame is a spider cocooning you and telling you to think yourself a butterfly all the while. how do you forgive yourself from there? and if you can’t can you even look at the full scope of your situation? what if the shame is a dead brother, a town burning, estrangement with relatives, abuse/victimhood, a dead sister/daughter all things that were core values to have a certain way. all things that you defined yourself by and the good times (sarcastic) keep on rolling. what hurts the most sometimes is what you did or didn’t do. idk that i have anything else to say. im getting to the point within myself where i keep thinking “who even cares” so imma stop here. bc i’d like to share before i convince myself to delete. but just if your out there struggling with mental health shit i hope you forgive yourself for things you’re holding onto out of shame. not even just as a self kindness but also bc you deserve to and progress is hindered if you dont in my opinion. i am not a professional. this is simply from what i’ve experienced/observed. if you got beef with yourself and you prefer to take it to your grave. do your thing. im just a username on this thing.
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egokillr · 1 year
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I feel like my view on the world and myself has been so tainted from since I was young. I'm struggling and I wanna start over but idk how. I wannwanna be a completely different person. Life now feels like someone's description of a painful past. I wanna get out but I have a fear of being trapped here and not knowing like my limiting and toxic beliefs are stopping and I'd never know and end up spending all my time here. I really don't want that, it's my biggest fear. Can you give me advice pls?
hey babe <3
i jus wanna let you know all of your feelings are valid and thank you for being open w me. from what i can tell, you have a fear of failing and staying in the same position. i wanna address this before i tell you what to do. all fear is, is a false construct of reality. because you can choose your own reality, you can either choose to make a rule that fear doesn’t effect you at all (bc it can’t, you will always win) or manifest a life without being fearful. here is a pic abt this topic from r/Neville Goddard that goes into this in loa terms:
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(and btw you don’t need to be happy to manifest what you want) my second point is, forgive yourself for the things that have happened in your past. you were always trying your best with what you had, there’s nothing wrong with that. stop judging yourself, catch yourself if you ruminate about your past and cut yourself off. not because you can’t think about it, but bc you deserve to live in the present moment, for your own peace. from there, you can decide whether or not you want to revise the situation to always having your dream life or you can just choose to accept it and move on. i know it may feel hard to move on now but you can make all of this much easier on yourself by setting the intention for life to be easier. also, you can never be stuck because we’re all just observing states of consciousness. we’re always moving through the motions; there’s a really good edward art video that explains this exact situation too. (i highly recommend watching, this totally changed my mindset towards my anxiety.)
okay, onto my last point, how to change your self concept and life. i actually wanna make a whole post on this but im just gonna tell you what i think you could do for your situation. you don’t have to do all of these things but just choose what works best for you c: so where i would start is with addressing self concept/ mental health. catch up with yourself, do some self care and take it slow. ask yourself what you want in life, maybe get a mental picture of what you would like to become as a person. if you don’t know what you want in life, note the things you enjoy everyday and it will come naturally. (or you can always manifest finding out what your desired life is) every moment is a new moment, you have a blank slate every passing second to choose who you want to be. so, start imagining yourself as the person you want to become. nothing is stopping you from being that person now. you don’t have to feel like it right now, you only have to intend/ think it. the rest will follow. any thoughts that say the opposite are completely invalid because now you know that only you can choose what you are. (no thoughts have power until you say they do!) so, onto the manifesting a new life part. first, pick which way you want to manifest. you can use subs, affirmations, knowing/ intention, scripting, void, etc. the techniques don’t matter, your intent and beliefs do. and then just stay consistent to it, don’t give up on your dream life because you deserve the best. that’s literally it! and i would always recommend to simplify it, make it as fun as possible, and make your own rules :D good luck anon, you got this!!
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lonlonranching · 9 months
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accidental ramblings about queerness and my experience in early-adulting
idk wtf happened but i feel like since graduating from undergrad to like a couple of weeks ago i had drastically lost sight of my queerness
like even tho there were a lot of labels i didnt know what to do with in undergrad - i still was on the road to self-discovery (and allowed myself to trek it). i came out as gay question mark queer question mark bisexual question mark NOT STRAIGHT in late hs to close friends (actually, a friend had asked me, and i realized i wasnt as good at hiding as i thought), and then i was very fortunate to go to a college that had a pretty clear queer community (though limited - im pretty sure i never found the spaces with aroace people in them, at least out aroace people- in fact i remember hearing a lot of reductive language about aroace people from those i considered friends. they said shit like aroace people are just repressed. they were just traumatized. they were just inexperienced… its a fake internet sexuality for deeply confused and weird people. yeah, not great, and certainly not safe).
so for me, my personal journey really started during covid - where queerness could be a thing between me and myself, and not the rest of the world to tell me who i was and what that meant to them.
my last semester of undergrad was fall of 2020, which about 6 months prior was when covid shutdowns started happening in the states. i went to a teeeny enough undergrad they let us come back if we abided by all the CDC requirements. i was graduating early, and a lot of my friends either had already graduated, dropped out, or they were out-of-staters who were just gonna continue with the online curriculum in place. also a year before, i had done a study abroad, and when i came back, the world went into shutdown pretty immediately. in total, i think i had 2 friends left and i hadnt seen them in a while.
it was the greatest semester. all i did was hang out with these two people, do nothing, and got to be myself without all those watching, waiting eyes…
with the lack of outside observation (observing isnt evil - unwanted and ignorant commentary however…), i became VERY visibly queer. it just didnt matter! and i felt good about myself! and made a lot of interesting outfit choices lol
but then i graduated, and i got my first real adult job and the road began to fog
i go by a name that isnt, errrrr, conventional. and because im a pretty feminine person, i think it confuses a lot of people when they meet me (as if i have to make sense to anyone but myself). i remember i worked for a really “trendy” and “forward-thinking” non-profit with a LOT of people my age, but the majority still treated me like that deeply confused, weird person i had heard about in college. i remember telling them the name i go by (we were still over zoom, the world still grappling with this global pandemic, seemingly no end in sight as we waited in our homes, in front of our screens, for the world to begin turning), and was met by one of the few moments in my life i could audibly hear crickets. my ears burned, and i looked away from their pixelated faces, and told them they could call me my government name if they preferred. i hear a woman who is a year older than me laugh, and then say: yeah im going to call you that one. it was mortifying. it was humiliating. it reminded me of every single second of my life - that i didnt deserve to be me. that there wasnt any room for that nonsense.
i quit that job only a couple months in - which blew for a multitude of reasons: i had to pass literally three different rounds of interviews, it was my only source of income, and i became incredibly mentally unstable. the latter part mostly caused by the actual work part - i worked for this guy who laughed at poor people, and profited off systemic racism. they shoved me and my bachelors in history in meetings with affluent white cis men who thought themselves titans - they had PhDs in fields that take up a lifetime and youre so high above the clouds the rest of us seem like ants. the way they spoke on people made it clear they didnt see others as complex, feeling beings like themselves. and while i was at these conversations, i was not in them, nor was i welcome either. i tend to feel a little uncomfortable around non-profits now. it seems like a misnomer
so i got a new job, after a couple months of heavy medication trial and error (another eldritch horror story). and ive been at it for a couple years! yay!
i will say its not perfect. and i definitely confuse a few people there, especially since the average age there is 60. and im not sure they know many queer people, especially the “weird, confused” ones like myself. i also dont go by my preferred name because its unfortunately just easier for me to not to. but im making it work! in fact, im showing them im pretty sure of myself. and being weird is actually very endearing!
i think ive had to spend the last couple of years relearning my footing on how to be me. i also had to figure out how to stand up for myself and others. to learn its not a bad thing to keep gentleness cradled in your arms, and show it to other people. if they aren’t interested, it says more about them than you. and hopefully they get back on the road sooner rather than later, trekking onward and earnestly.
but for me, because that is what happens here, maybe the road isnt getting less foggy, but im getting more confident in finding my own way.
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sailorhyunjinz · 3 years
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~ Discreet ~
Warnings: fem!reader x dom!3racha, smut, mentions of periods, foursome, voyerism, fingering, hairpulling, use of degrading terms, riding, nicknames, dumbification, penetrative sex (be careful), unprotected sex (BE CAREFUL), masturbation, double penetration, anal sex, creampie, cockwarming, the smuttiest of smuts...
Word count: 3.5 k 
Requested: yiiiip thank u 🧃 anoniee~ 
Note: ok i did more like...u know the days before ones period? am i making any sense? idk i just though that it would be such a hassle to write if the reader had their period so... im just leaving it here and... im gonna hide. 
i feel so bad for jisung in this AKSJS
also im in love with this gif akfhsfksjhf
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“No, stop nagging y/n” Bangchan said without turning around in his office chair. The studio contained your three loving boyfriends which were great most of the time but when you had to beg them to fuck you they weren’t the nicest.
“I’m not even on my period yet” you said to Bangchan in a cocky manner, sighing while looking at the backs of the two other boys, each one working on a computer with their headphones on. Bangchan fiddled with his phone before showing you his bright screen.
“But soon it is and according to the app you can start of feel higher levels of pain before your period” Bangchan stated with a half smile.
On his screen was the period tracking app you had shared with the boys but you were surprised to know that Bangchan actually checked it. You tried to grab the phone but he stood up hastily, lifting his arm up so the phone was out of your reach.
“Why did I even share that stupid app with you guys” you huffed, giving up on retrieving the phone and sat down on the leather couch behind the desks. He sat down moments after you and smirked at you. 
“So no, we won’t fuck you because we both know how rough things get, especially when Changbin is riled up” he said turning back to the computer screen.
A bunch of memories zapped through your mind. How they manhandled you and took turns to cum inside you, leaving you nothing but a wrecked and cum- leaking mess. Since both Jisung and Changbin had headphones on they hadn’t heard the conversation. Your realisation was genius. It’s just to ask them about it! Sure, Bangchan would be pissed about it since he was clear on a couple of rules, one of them being to not fuck behind each others backs but you were so needy. Your body ignited with just the though of being touched. Being determined you shuffled over to Changbin and lightly wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. He smiled, moved one side of the headphone off of his ear and turned his head around to face you.
“Everything good, baby?” Changbin asked, looking at you with adoration. 
You smiled back at him and hesitated asking him about the favour but with a slight voice crack you leaned into his ear and said;
“Bangchan is being mean and says that he won’t help me with... w-with my neediness”.
He nodded slightly as his gaze returned to the monitor infront of him, busy with some producing. 
“Babygirl got some wits I see. You thoughts I didn’t hear the conversation you just had with Chan?” he didn’t look at you, clicking and typing away at something. Fuck. How did he hear that?
“But please Binnie~” you wrapped your arms tighter around him and gave him a peck on the cheek but to no avail.
“You don’t know how difficult it is to say no to your pretty face” he finally looked at you and pecked you back on the lips. You laughed slightly at his corny remark and patted him on the shoulder before darting your eyes towards Jisung. He was sitting a bit away from the other boys in a corner, the ice in his americano had melted and diluted the coffee from the warmth in the studio. Changbin put on his headphones again and returned to his work as you sat down on the empty chair next to Jisung and looked at him with puppy eyes.
“What’s up bub?” he rubbed your thigh that was exposed from the fluffy black skirt you were wearing. You rubbed your thighs together, Jisungs hand stuck inbetween them. He laughed quietly to not disturb the other boys. 
“You don’t even need to tell me, I know what you want” he whispered, leaning into you and removing his trapped hand. You bit your bottom lip as you looked at him with innocence in your eyes, scooting closer with your chair. 
Your gaze traveled down his body until it landed on the tent between his legs. The warm touch of his hand grazed closer and closer to your heat that was uncomfortably wet, your panties sticking to your cunt from arousal. You cupped him through his pants, his breath hitched due to the friction. The both of you observed the other boys but thankfully they were deep into their work, their eyes glued to each computer screen, the blue light reflecting on their precious faces. Jisung and you turned back around and caught eye contact with each other to which the both of you laughed inaudibly. He leaned towards you, the hot breath from his mouth hitting against your ear.
“Chan will be so mad” he said with a ambivalent tone, not sure if he wants to receive a scolding from Bangchan after he fucks you. You shook your head from side to side, doing everything to convince him.
“Sungie~ I’m all wet for you. I’ll promise to not tell Chan” your eyes twinkled towards the boy that had removed his headphones and placed them on the keyboard of the silver colored computer. 
“Of course you won’t baby, I trust you” Jisung whispered in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. His fingertips began to graze your wet clothed cunt to which you had to muffle a whine by biting the inside of your cheek. Jisung smirked seeing you so sensitive and needy, ready to risk it all for his dick. Pushing the thin fabric to the side, Jisung felt your leaking wetness and exhaled loudly from excitement wanting to just slam you onto the couch and fuck you senseless. You jerked your head towards he couch, asking him to move to which he looked slowly towards Bangchan frame and agreed. 
The two of you stood up carefully and sat down on the black couch that you had been on moments earlier. Jisung sat down first, the weight of the couch shifting as he sat. You followed shortly, straddling him and facing away from the working boys. Jisung had a mischievous smile plastered on his face and your face was burning at the though of getting fucked by Jisung behind Bangchan. Your hands traveled to Jisung’s belt buckle and with the utmost care you unbuckled it. Jisung helped remove his pants and popping his dick over the band of his black boxers. You let out a breathy whine from just the sight of his veiny dick, the tip cherry red and a string of precum coating the slit. You pumped his length a couple of times, earning a hiss from the dark haired boy before your heated sex hovered above his hard dick. Sneakily you snapped your head towards the working boys and was assured when they were intranced in their work, the subtle klicking and typing creating background noise. Jisung held your hips hard enough to leave red marks the day after before he pushed you down onto his dick. Sparks were flying everywhere in your mind, the feeling of being filled to the brim by Jisung’s girth made you choke on a moan. Jisung gave you time to adjust as you bottomed out, lifting your shirt up just so that your bra covered breasts peeked out. Slowly you bucked your hips against his and the brown eyed boy hissed quietly. Grinding on him you felt the knot of nerve endings being stimulated as Jisung circled your clit with his slightly cold thumb that contrasted with your sopping heat. 
The added pleasure stringed out a string of whines from your lips until Jisung’s big hand covered your mouth, he looked at you with trust in his eyes and you smiled against his cold hand. You held onto his shoulders as you rode his length, your nails digging into the skin as the skirt pooled around your hips and shifted everytime you grinded onto Jisung that was now covering his own moans by clearing his throat. For one second he looked at your pink and red flushed face and then drifted his brown orbs behind you, making sure that neither Changbin or Bangchan glanced backwards. You shut your eyes tightly, Jisung’s pretty face disappearing as a rainbow of colors flashed before your eyes. The pace quickened due to Jisung’s hands being placed on your hips after momentarily removing them to stroke a piece of your hair behind your ear. He guided your cunt up and down his dick, the bouncing impacting the couch that let out a tiny creak. Jisung’s grip was hard on your hips as he let out a breathy moan behind his closed eyes. The knot in your stomach tightened, nearing your release as your mind blank. Both your and Jisung’s head was thrown back, eyes shut and everything tensing up. Just as the bundle of nerve endings was about to unravel with Jisung’s girth grazing your g-spot your hair was suddenly yanked from behind, you held onto the boys sturdy shoulders as a loud yelp forced it’s way out your mouth. 
“Dirty fucking slut” a voice growled behind you as the grip on your hair tightened, holding you with full force by your roots. Your and Jisung’s eyes darted open, panic slowly filling them. The big hand belonged to Bangchan that  was upside down in your sight since he pulled your head backwards. He glared at you with anger, brows furrowed as he spat out;
“Computer screens reflect but the two of you are too stupid for that”. 
He let go of your hair as he shoved you towards Jisung that was terrified of the consequences and quickly lifted you off of him. Changbin turned around due to the commotion and ripped away his headphones upon seeing Jisung shoving his dick back into his jeans. Bangchan grabbed your arm harsh enough to hurt you and lifted you up before slamming you against the white wall of the studio. You felt  Changbin’s and Jisung’s eyes burn into you through Bangchans back. Bangchan’s arm was at the side of your head as he looked down on you with disbelief. 
“I was t-trying to help he-her” Jisung stuttered behind Bangchan but he wasn’t having any of it.
“Shut it” he growled, inches away from your face as his gaze was black. 
Bangchan’s fingertips trailed down your torso before they plunged under the skirt and brushed your cunt that was now even wetter than before thanks to riding Jisung moments earlier. The boy tugged on you panties and they eventually fell down, pooling at your feet. Without warning, two fingers dived into your soaked pussy, a loud moan rolling off your tongue as the return of friction felt like heaven. Your legs automatically seperated but were stopped by the elastic of the panties not going further. His digits hammared into you, pain mixed with pleasure as your back was tightly pressed against the frigid wall. 
Changbin lurked behind Bangchan’s shoulder as Jisung was sitting on the couch helplessly, not wanting to anger Chan further. Changbin gave Bangchan a pat on the shoulder, Bangchans eyes still glued onto you, pure rage filling his dark brown orbs. He moved away upon Changbin’s arrival and instead glared at Jisung as he sat down into his office chair, now turned to face the couch. 
Changbin grabbed your warm and slightly clammy hand and led you to the couch, panties awkwardly grazing along the studio floor. You landed with a thud against the leather couch, Jisung stiff as a plank beside you. Fear charged thorugh your body since you knew how rough Changbin could be at times and you desperatly clutched Jisung, wrapping your arms around him. Bangchan tsked as he shifted closer with his chair and put his foot between the tiny gap seperating you from Jisung.
“You’re only watching tonight, isn’t that right Jisung?” he said, tilting his head slightly.
The boy beside you whined and pouted with his bottom lip sticking out. 
“B-but I didn-t even..” he tried to form a sentence but gave up quickly as a shiver ran down his spine from Bangchan’s fierce presence. 
Changbin removed your clothing in an instant as well as his own, clothing pieces sprawled out on the wooden floor. When the two of you were left in nothing but your underwear he attached his plump lips onto yours, coaxing your tongue by playfully licking your bottom lip. You moaned into the kiss as he fumbled with the bra clasp for a second before releasing you from your clothed prison. The chilly air hardened your exposed nipples and you felt the stares of the three boys in the room. The kiss deepened as Changbin grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you closer, his other hand hooking onto the edge of your panties and dragging them down. You broke the kiss momentarily to lift your hips upwards so that the panties were removed fully from your body, laying in the puddle of other clothes moments later. Both Jisung and Bangchan were palming themselves through their pants, the both of them visibly hard as the tents between their legs grew. Changbin felt up and down on your thigh and spread your legs apart and layed your down on the couch. It felt so wrong yet so right to be all spread out for them in the studio, their hungry gazes observing your wet sex. 
Changbin removed his boxers in a swift motion and his dick sprang, the red tip hitting his abdomen as his girth made your mouth water. You sat up and looked him mischievously into his eyes before opening your mouth without command. He scoffed at your boldness before grabbing your head by the roots in exactly the same place Bangchan did earlier which stinged with pleasure. Your head was harshly pulled down his length, giving you no opportunity to breath before he started to facefuck you. You grabbed his other hand as tears formed in the corner of your eyes due to his tip hitting the back of your throat making you choke. Changbin liked seeing you like this. Drool and tears running down your red flushed face. You peeked over to Bangchan that had already started stroking himself upon what he saw. You couldn’t help but to stare. The way his veins cascaded down his immense length, how his tip disappeared and reappered through his hand as he was bucking against it. You also managed to take a glance at Jisung whose ears were red, his pants straining his growing erection as he was unable to do anything about it. Changbin noticed you looking around.
“What’s the matter slut? You want us all three?” he cooed at you to which you responded with a slight nod of the head as you hollowed your cheeks, your jawline starting to hurt a bit. Changbin let go of your hair and instead grabbed your face as you pulled back, catching air and coughing with drool on your chin and chest. He leaned down to kiss you once, his tongue feeling soft as his lips hit your swollen ones. A string of spit seperated the two of you when he broke the kiss and slowly pressed up against you, your back hitting the couch. Your legs seperated automatically, already knowing what’s to come before he alined himself with your wet leaky hole. He hissed as he entered your tight pussy, your back arching slightly against the sofa. Jisung shifted uncomfortably in his seat, desperatly trying to get some friction by rubbing against his pants. Changbins pace gained quickly making the couch squeak like it did when you rode Jisung. Your clit was sore from earlier which you only noticed after Changbin placed his thumb on your clit and started rubbing it in fast circular motions, rubbing you raw. Pretty lewd sounds spilled from your lips and filled the studio as your eyes were shut tight from Changbin’s girth fitting perfectly into your pussy, like two puzzle pieces. 
“Look at your little cumslut, taking my dick so good” he cooed arrogantly, trying to make himself heard over your moans.
“P-please Changbin..let me c-cum” you pleaded, a blush creeping onto your face from your bold statement. 
He smirked towards you before looking at Bangchan whose strokes were getting sloppier and turned his head quickly in your direction, a signal to come and join. Before getting out of the chair he gave Jisung a glare and a mocking smile, showing him his place. 
Changbin lifted you up slightly making you half sit as he pounded into you, one knee bent on the couch and his foot on the floor giving him good aim and strength to wreck your sore pussy even more. You were practically crying, feeling sensations a thousand times more which made you go crazy as his girth dragged along your velety walls. You looked up at Bangchan that was standing at the side of the couch with his hard dick facing you. He dragged his open hand against your hot cheek and past your ear before placing his tip on your quivering lip that were working hard to hold back moans. His precum coated your rose-like lips, glistening in the light as you opened your mouth and took his length. Bangchan rolled his head back and placed held your face by the cheek. He looked back at Jisung to make sure that he was suffering and right so, the poor brown haired boy was pratically sliding of the couch as he fiddled with his legs and tried to avoid Bangchan’s lust filled eyes. 
You could feel every vein on Bangchan’s girth as he twitched in your mouth while you coated his dick in your saliva. Licking fat stripes against his shaft you narrowed your tongue once you got to the tip before flicking your tongue upwards, earning a hiss from the buff boy. Changbin’s thrusts were getting sloppier and his movements made your breasts jump up as well as your head accidently choking on Bangchan’s dick. The moans that were muffled by his dick sent vibrations through his body which made him even harder, it that’s even possible. Suddenly he laced his pretty, veiny hands in your thick locks and pulled you off his length before lifting you up by your hair and pushing you against Changbin. You straddled Changbin, slowly sinking onto his girth yet again, filling the momentary emptyness that made you whine. Bangchan was standing behind you and traced his hand across your back before his dick poked you in the butt and he slided into the hole that wasn’t filled. Your mind felt like static as you were filled up at both ends. Your head layed on Changbin’s shoulder as his hands were guiding your cunt against his dick. Everytime he moved you backwards Bangchan’s dick entered deeper into you, your moans becoming higher in pitch every minute. The knot in your stomach tightened, feeling a build up of tension in your core as your abused clit grinded onto Changbin. Your hands latched on the back of Changbins arms, nails digging into his skin as Bangchan’s pace quickened. His arms snaked around your neck and choked you, the lightheadedness of it making you swoon. The grip creeped up to your face as he harshly held your face and made you look at Jisung. You felt humiliated but that’s exactly what Bangchan wanted you to feel. Your loose gaze landed on Jisung’s soft eyes as your cheeks were burning and drool hanged from your chin. 
“Isn’t our y/n so pretty with her fucked out face” he growled at Jisung, his voice and his pace making your eyes roll back into your skull. 
Changbin moaned loudly once before releasing his hot liquid into your dripping pussy. His cum coated your walls and trinkled down to eventually leak out of you, Changbin’s dick still inside of you as he looked up against the ceiling and panted. Changbin’s girth twitched inside of you, chasing your high by grinding against him and overstimulating his delicate tip. Your broken moans echoed in the room accompanied with the sound of skin slapping and Bangchan hissing. Like a bunch of fireworks, your core ignited with Bangchan’s last thrust as he came inside of you and smirked with a devilish grin on his face. You flopped against Changbin’s chest as your orgasm crashed upon you like an ocean wave, leaving you stunned with your mouth hanging open and your legs shaking, feeling unstable and uncontrollable. Bangchan pulled out and Changbin lifted you off onto the couch. You could only breathe heavily as your head spun. Bangchan got closer to you and spread your legs apart which made you shudder, scared that they would start round 2. The three boys stared at your leaking holes, the white liquid mixing together with your own juices. Changbin and Bangchan turned to Jisung at the same time and his flustered gaze moved violently around the room. Bangchan approached the poor horny boy and bent down as he was sitting. His raspy voice formed goosebumps on Jisung’s soft skin.
“Clean up the mess however you like.” 
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hey!! im new to tumblr but i love your writing and i was wondering if you could do a request for me? basically the reader is assigned to share a dorm with someone in your university, but it so happens that your dorm mate is dream, but you both hate eachother. you can try working out how they start to get a long. it could be something like angry sex or some shit but idk, feel free to play around with it!!!
brat • dream smut
a/n : welcome to tumblr, anon !! so glad you like my writing, here you go :)
POV: first person
gn!reader
pronouns: they / them
gn!physiology
warnings: smut/nsfw, enemies to lovers, “sir”, degradation, very very VERY dom/sub, bottom!reader
University. It was most definitely a mixed bag; you shove your hand into it and have no clue what you’re gonna grab out of it. Was I gonna be sitting out on the grass with my new lifelong best friends, or was I gonna end up in miserable and making half-joking comments about how much I hate my life? I guess the answer ended up being neither, but something much more complicated.
I walked into my dorm room for the first time. It was pretty bare, both of the beds completely stripped of sheets, pillows, and blankets. I walked in, taking in the new environment that I was gonna be surrounded by for the next few months until my first break. ‘This looks... depressing,’ I thought, putting down my backpack as well as the suitcases full of all of my things. I began to unpack.
I heard a person come open the door to the room. “Hey, I’m Clay... I think you’re my roommate. You can call me Dream.” I spun around, looking at him. I simply nodded, not knowing what exactly to say.
“Uh, yeah, I’m [y/n].” I turned back to my clothes, letting the silence that was once there envelope the room once again. He tended to his side of the room as I tended to mine.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh god, he’s one of those people.’
“Uh, I mean I just don’t really know you yet.” I pulled my sheets out of one of the suitcases, unfolding them.
“That’s dumb, how are you gonna get to know me if you’re all quiet?” I ignored his question. I know that simply letting him talk will give me all of the information I need to know about him. “See, you don’t even know what to say, I’m right.” ‘Cocky much?’
“I don’t need to talk to you to know you.” I could almost feel his glare into the back of my head.
He scoffed, “No, you don’t need to talk to me to make assumptions. Tell me one thing you know about me.”
I turned around and looked at him. “First, people only show their good side, so I like to make my own observations of their behavior. For example, you’re cocky as fuck.”
He rolled his eyes, turning back to his bed to unpack his things. “Okay, then here’s my ‘observation’, you’re a bitch.”
“Okay, and you’re an asshole.” I retorted, childishly, before putting in my headphones and deciding to ignore him as much as possible. ‘Out of every fucking person I could be paired with... why him?’
-
I walked from the bus stop up the stairs of the dorm building and to my shared room with... him. Dream, as he told me to call him. As much as I hated his attitude and almost everything about his annoying personality, I had to admit that after a month I was coming around in a way. Maybe I didn’t find him completely unbearable, but I definitely still didn’t like him.
I entered the space and set my bag next to my desk. Dream was laying on his bed, looking at his phone. “Hey, I’m having like 3 friends over here tonight, so could you find a place to stay?” I looked at him, my expression dripping with ‘say deadass’.
“Uh, no? You can’t tell me things like this last minute, dude. This is my place, too,” I stated, letting the truth onto him. His attention darted from his phone to me.
“I can’t just cancel!” He exclaimed in defense.
“Yes you can, and you will! Reschedule it for another time.” He was silent, staring at me.
“Fine,” He mumbled after a moment of quiet. I turned to my desk, taking out my homework for the day and setting it down. I walked into our shared bathroom with some comfortable clothes and turned on the shower. Stripping off my clothing, I stepped in as soon as it was hot enough. I sighed in content, the steaming water caressing my body and relaxing my muscles. 
After a bit of washing myself and relaxing, I turned off the water and stepped out onto the tile. As I changed into my clothes, I could hear Dream talking through the door, “They’re fucking annoying, man, but they’re hot so whatever, I guess.” My eyes widened as he spoke. ‘...me?’
I can’t say that I never found him hot. He’s tall, broad shoulders, pretty green eyes... who wouldn’t be attracted to him? He’s hot, but he’s a dumbass, and I think that’s the only thing that was stopping me from pursuing him.
I walked out after I finished drying my hair, bringing the blonde boy’s attention to me. “I gotta go, talk to you later,” He rushed out, hanging up in a hurry. I quirked a brow at him in confusion.
“What was that about?” I asked, taking a seat at my desk.
“Had to cancel. Nothin’ else.” I chuckled at his attempt to not share much.
“So who’s this hot but annoying person you were talking about?” I questioned, my eyes changing course to look at his face.
His cheeks flared up, his freckled skin turning pink. “Don’t listen in on my phone conversations, bitch,” He said harshly.
I stood up. “Excuse me? Listen, I already told you to stop talking to me like that-”
“You’re so hot when you look like that,” He interrupted me. Now it was my turn to start blushing.
“L-Like what?” I asked, half mumbling.
“When you get all worked up. That’s why I like bothering you so much.” I was stuck in my spot, unsure of what to say to that. The thought of Dream finding me hot was so insanely flustering for whatever reason, and it never occurred to me until that moment. 
He got up, walking over to me. I looked up and into his eyes. “Sometimes, when you make me really mad, I think about slamming you into your mattress,” He said, quietly, making the rasp in his voice stick out. “And just taming you... because you’re just such a brat, sometimes.” My breath got caught in my throat, I felt like I couldn’t even speak. “Sometimes a brat needs to be put in their place, don’t you think?” I nodded. “Use your words.”
“I, uh- yes, sir,” I stuttered out. A smirk pulled at his lips, and his hand made it’s way up to my cheek, cupping my face. He slowly pushed his thumb between my lips, causing me to start sucking it. He pulled it out, my mouth releasing it with a quiet ‘pop’.
“Get on your knees, angel.” I obeyed immediately and got down on my knees. “You wanna undo my belt?”
I nodded, eagerly. “Yes, please?” He nodded, humming an ‘mhm’. I bit my lip as I undid his belt before unbuttoning his jeans. I glanced up at his face before unzipping them as well and pulling them down. I could see the outline of his hard-on through his boxers. I slowly and softly palmed him over the thin material, eliciting a low, quiet moan.
“Take them off, sweetheart.” I nodded and pulled down his underwear, his cock springing up due to the sudden freedom. I licked the palm of my hand before wrapping it around his shaft and slowly moving it up and down. I looked up at his face, seeing his lip between his teeth as I touched him.
“Can I use my mouth, sir?” I asked him, even though I already know the likely answer.
He nodded, “Mhm, use your mouth.” I softly licked the tip of his member before wrapping my lips around it, sucking lightly. I started bobbing my head, taking more of him in my mouth every time I went back down. “Do you think you can deep-throat me, angel?”
I nodded. “C-Can I do that, sir?” He nodded, his hand making it’s way into my hair. I slowly started to take more of him in my mouth, eventually getting to the point of him hitting the back of my throat. I choked a little but pushed through it. I continued to take as much as I could down my throat, Dream softly fucking my face.
“Just like that, baby,” He groaned as I continued to bob my head. He pulled a bit on my hair, sending heat down between my legs. He pulled my head off of his dick by my hair, a string of spit bridging the gap. “Get on the bed, safe word is puppy.” I nodded and jumped up off of the floor and onto my bed.
He yanked my sweatpants down, pulling down my underwear with it. I pulled my shirt over my head and he did the same to himself. “You want my cock, baby? Look at how turned on you are.”
I let out a soft moan as he rubbed me right where I needed it. “I want it so bad, sir, please..” I begged. He bit his lip before pulling a bottle of lube out of his dresser.
“Get on your stomach, I’m gonna fuck your pretty little hole from behind.” Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I followed his directions. I could hear the slippery liquid being drizzled and spread all over his cock, it only made me want him more.
He slowly pushed into me, making a moan uncontrollably escape my lips. “Fuck...” I whispered.
“Yeah, you like feeling all full, don’t you? Such a fuckin’ whore for me,” He teased slowly moving with my permission. He gradually sped up, the two of us letting out moan after moan, the sound of our skin colliding being the only other sound filling the room. “You’re such a goddamn brat,”
“I... I know, sir... please- please don’t stop!” His hand made it’s way into the roots of my hair, pulling it, making it hurt so perfectly.
“Yeah? Don’t stop?” He asked, breathlessly as he started going faster. “I’m not gonna stop, angel.” I bit my lip, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as he pounded into me.
I touched myself as he fucked me, making everything feel double as good. “S...s-sir, I-I’m gonna... D-Dream, please!” I let out incoherent sentences.
“Aw, look, you can barely talk. Come on, sweetheart, cum for me like a good little slut.” The knot in my stomach fell apart as he spoke, a loud moan leaving my body once again. He let me ride out my high before pulling out and stroking himself and releasing all over my back. I bit my lip as I felt the warm liquid hit my skin.
He laid down beside me. “What do we say?” He asked, teasingly.
I giggled. “Thank you, sir.”
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violenceenthusiast · 3 years
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im curious why people are saying supernatural is jewish like idk if jewish writers makes an inherently jewish story especially when things like following out the christian apocalypse from revelations and showing a real physical g-d who is just some guy i think is super jarring since though christians claim to be against idolatry they seem totally fine showing depictions of gd or whatever i dont get jesus honestly but jews are far more strict and the idea of showing gds appearance is pretty wrong
WOOF okay um. Maybe this is one of those Tone Doesn’t Come Thru Well Online things but to me this is soo fucking rude… I’m half way between John Mulaney we don't have time to unpack all of that & Ben Wyatt wait it’s gonna bother me if I don’t explain why you’re wrong. 
This turned into all my thoughts. 
So like. First off, it’s all fun and games. We’re all just joking and joshing and projecting here on destiel dot tumblr dot com and Jupernatural is not an exception in a lot of ways. And so when someone shits on what we’re doing here (yes, even unintentionally) what you get is what happened: oh you think you’re funny well I’m about to be hilarious!!! aka I’m gonna do it even more now out of spite specifically because you said not to. Like it really is all jokes but also you know what’s not a joke? Antisemitism in all its forms, even the casual shit! It’s really draining and it builds up in your veins!! Just. Yeah. You saw a lot of people talking about it today in particular because much like other topics of the day, one thing kicks off a whole other turn of events. So like. one misguided comment that’s playfully antisemitic and then one more little one, and then one big/obvious one launched us (Jewish spn fans) into a whole bigger discussion about antisemitism and erasure of Jews in the spn fandom writ large. It’s one thing to be descriptive, offer a headcanon/what if, or employ a certain mode of analysis. It’s another thing to definitively say This Is The Truth, specifically when to do so overrides something else, especially in this case when what’s being overridden is Jews, an ethnoreligious minority. It’s also another thing to talk over Jews. And mind this has been building for days. Not in a bad way just like, it’s been topical for days and then today one big thing pushed it over the edge to us actually posting abt it (partially bc at that point it’s a pattern, which feels like it needs to be addressed). Like, destiel tumblr is small we pretty much all see all the same posts, and then Jewish spn fans… we’re friends, we chat about life? We joke around together, y’know? If you’re being antisemitic (yes, even unintentionally) we’re all gonna hear abt it. It’s how we stay safe or in this case, curate the online exp.
That being said tho projecting on fiction is like fun and even a good thing at times, and def opens up new modes of analysis. But! the other big thing here is that there IS a LOT of evidence for a Jewish reading of spn, in a lot of ways, and particularly if you know what to look for. Like there’s lots of niche Jewish slang (non-Jews just don’t know these things, and that is a reflection primarily of the writers but once you put it in the script it implies things about the characters too of course), the theology of the early seasons (I’ll get to that in a second), main character motivations (hold on), “Moishe Campbell” implying Mary is (and therefore Sam and Dean are) Jewish, etc. 
It’s not surprising to me or anything that non-Jews don’t catch anything/everything Jewish about spn but that Jews catch both sides of it, because that’s just how being part of a marginalized group works. You learn about your own stuff AND the dominant culture’s stuff because that’s how you survive (socially, psychologically, literally). Members of the dominant culture don’t need to learn the marginalized one, are never confronted with it, and so they just.. don’t. I don’t even mean that in a normative or accusatory way, that’s just an observation on the state of things. Non-Jews who aren’t part of another marginalized religion, aka expressed xtians and cultural xtians, have a ton of misconceptions about Judaism, for example, “Jesus was Jewish” and not, “Jesus was an asshole of an apostate who made life harder for Jews at the time in a myriad of ways and whose movement has had a lasting negative impact on world Jewry (and other peoples) for the ensuing millenia”. I truly Don’t Have Time right now to get into the varied and intense history of antisemitism in all its forms but. the point I’m making here is that I’m not shocked I need to explain that life experience shapes your worldview?? So if you’re Jewish you’re always gonna be living life through that version of the world and it does impact you?? Same as anything else?? As unwell as they may be, spn writers aren’t exempt from that. Jewish people writing about xtianity are doing so thru a primarily Jewish understanding and vice versa. Jews can (and did!) write about xtian lore but in a Jewish way! Some core Jewish themes: wrestling with angels/G-d, questioning G-d, IF there’s a G-d they will have to beg MY forgiveness, the afterlife isn’t really a big thing so all that matters is your time on earth, make amends to others directly and thru your actions rather than seeking absolution with G-d, you are not obligated to complete the work nor may you abandon it, etc… So that’s the other reasoning why we say “spn is Jewish” based solely on it being written by Jews. Rather than Death of The Author, let’s look at what the author has imbued the story with, both intentionally and unintentionally. And re: Chuck and idolatry… I don’t even know where to start with the way you phrased this but. the Jewish Spn Writers of Note are apparently Kripke, Gamble, and Edlund. All of whom stopped writing for the show years before the Chuck Is God plot! 
Like yes it feels very stupid to be writing a thousand words on antisemitism and supernatural but like. this is a spn blog run by a Jew so. This whole thing is also just the same every time. This is very representative of typical casual antisemitism.
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fandom-blackhole · 3 years
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I'm back from my mandatory two day socialization recovery period required for all socialization even if I enjoy it. It's time for some Mermaid!Din au thoughts (No thots unfortunately but we'll live)
First off I love the isolation that the reader faces because of the lighthouse they live in. And I love how the townspeople being nice to the reader help give them a reason to stick around when weird things start happening.
I love how it took months before anything strange starts happening, like were Din and Grogu just not around or were they observing the reader. Did Din ever try to stop Grogu from damaging the lighthouse or did he let the little rascal do as he pleased.
· And gosh I love the idea of reader dressing in old worn clothing, a knit sweater with fraying sleeves, sweat pants covered in paint from repairs, an old windbreaker to help keep the cold out. It makes me heart all warm and fuzzy.
Edna, who i've head cannoned as this series Miss Chatham (H2O: just add water charter) is honestly life goals. Like live near ocean - check(ish), have rare knowledge that can be used to help new person - check, being just slightly spooky -amazing. And is that a little matchmaker I see her playing? I love it.
Then Grogu being injured :( I bet that Din is absolutely being eaten alive by guilt even though we all know it’s not his fault and he does literally anything he can to keep Grogu safe and happy.
And In love how Din is venerable enough to ask for help, like he recognizes that this is something out of his area of expertise so he goes to the person he knows is “safe” to get help. He’s humble enough to admit that he needs help and is not capable of doing everything for Grogu. And being able to admit that is an important life skill that not enough people have.
· But even after he ask the reader for help he is still hesitant which shows that even though hes trusting reader he will still kick (is it still a kick if its with a tail) the readers ass if he hurts him.
“But you can help him” Oh my heart the trust in that sentence. Like Din just heard, “so yeah I can help your son but I have to take him somewhere it will be hard for you to follow. And he needs to stay there for at least a week, and even if you manage to come its going to be so far from your natural element.” But he was still on board with the plan. And then he goes to climb on the rock so he can drag himself all the way to the light house because he can’t let his little boy go alone even if it means hurting himself to do it.
Reader was smart af for doing the old blanket slipperaroo trick
Reader immediately knowing something was up when she walked into town is so realistic. She literally is hiding a massive secret at her lighthouse of course anyone would be on edge walking back into society. Especially a society that already knows a little something about the secret. But them to amplify it. Miss Chatham to the rescue. She knows that reader is up to something and she uses her powers as an old lady with lungs and karen potential to scare off the problem for a little bit. The reader just placed so much trust on Edna by straight up telling her that she's housing Din and Grogu.
· Also that fool browsing the menstrual hygiene rack, like dumbass. Is this your way of making him miss every shot? Because we know that storm troopers are well known for their ability to miss every shot so making him automatically turn to tampons? Genius
Cashier for the win, like beep beep bitch now pay up
The "cyare" omg and then the reader warning Din about the cookies and him being so curious about them. The way Din is so perceptive of the readers mood that he is already able to tell that something is wrong. It was such a smart idea to have the reader lead with asking him to give her a small chance to calm down about what happened in the town.
Din and the reader low-key flirting and teasing each other at the end is so adorable. Grogu with the cookie absolutely melts my heart like of course that boy is hungry.
So this is a slightly polished layout of my stream of consciousness while reading this. Does it make sense? Probably not. But I love this idea and you have done it justice.
Ahhhhhhz thank you for all of the lovely thoughts and compliments, im glad you like my story and I hope it continuesto meet your expectations!!!! And you made perfect sense darling!
To reply to some things:
Honestly, I chose the isolation for two reasons, 1- it made sense, especially for how the plot is going to play out, privacy and isolation is needed, and 2- im introverted and I like being alone, so I just projected
The town's people are great! They are used to having lighthouse keepers just up and leave because of all the weird stuff, so the second that one sticks around they were all overjoyed, because like I said, a lot of the people work on boats fishing so the lighthouse is super important to them
Din did wait and observe the reader, wanting to know what to do when to attempt to scare them off. But also like no, he tried keeping Grogu away from the lighthouse as much as possible, not knowing what the reader might do to him, and just being a protective father, but we all know Grogu is a little shit and he snuck out before Din could stop him
Reader dresses in the COMFIEST clothes, and honestly, I am very much a sweater and comfy leggings kind of person, so again, something I am projecting
I love that you and everyone is loving Edna, she is definitely one of those cool old ladies that sneak you treats and shenanigans when no one is looking!
Also because idk if anyone has pointed it out.... in the last chapter I thought I was heavily hinting at it, but maybe it was more subtle than I thought, Edna and her MERMAID were alot more than friends *wink wink* she's gay as fuck and thats why she made the joke about not liking NUTS
Din loves Grogu, in and out of this AU, and it was 1000% not his fault that Grogu got hurt, in fact he was trying to protect him! Din definitely panicked and the first person that came to mind was the reader, and while he didn't know them, he knew for some reason they were safe to go to for help (as well as knowing the lighthouse would be a good place to hide while some things cooled down 👀), but Din will always be cautious because he is scared for his son
Din is just *chef's kiss* 👌, an amazing father who will do ANYTHING for his son, no matter what it takes
The whole blanket thing literally came from my childhood, thinking about how my sisters and I would drag eachother around on blankets, and I just thought it would be great for this scenario
Like the reader is gonna get real paranoid during this series, im not going to lie to you, things are gonna get rough, but Edna is the MVP she's one of those people that could pull your darkest secrets from you just by glancing at you, and the reader pretty much assumed she was safe to talk to after she had informed her about the food offerings
Ok ok, as for the dudes, I was too lazy to look up their names and stuff but they were these dudes from season 1 that gave Din Grogu's bounty: the first dude is the one 'hiding' in the women's hygiene section
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Din is just obsessed for human food at this point, and he feels things for the reader even of he doesn't want to admit it quite yet
Din also may be oblivious as fuck, but he's also observant, hes a bounty hunter for fucks sake, he needs to be able to pick up on these things, so yes in my stories Din is really good at picking up on emotions, even if he doesn't fully know how to react to them
Im aiming for a slow burn foc, but to be honest with you all, chances are it is going to be a regularly paced romance, which for my writing is slow paced, so yeah the idiots are flirting and teasing eachother, but also like they will not be talking about or admitting feelings for at least a few more chapters
Grpgu deserves all the cookies!!! He's a growing tadpole, who has been magically healing himself while in a coma like state, so he hasnt eaten in days, and if he wanted he'd probably be able to devour 2x his body weight and then some, so a few cookies recieved in some kind of mysterious way are well achieved
Merman!Din Tags: @writeforfandoms @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @honey-goth  @mando-abs @lux-cream-67 @rachelle-on-the-run @katcharm   @ladamari68 @bluegalaxyprime @my-life-as-a-bird @altarsw @zarakem @stargazingthenightaway
(Added the taglist in case any of you guys wanted to read over my thoughts and things bc I have some hcs and cleared somethings up ypu may be wondering about)
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daaziscoolbesties · 3 years
Text
[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM
‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️
disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.
-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often
-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.
-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??
-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities
-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK
-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.
-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)
-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these
-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times
-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE
-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this
-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista
-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house
-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm
-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)
-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)
-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state
-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO
-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.
-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL
-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers
-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍
-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀
-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did
-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one
-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks
-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES
-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it
-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON
-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting
-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—
-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—
-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again
-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo
-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch
-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—
-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*
-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)
-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—
-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream
-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be
-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.
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zirkkun · 3 years
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What are your views on UT!Chara? Are they good, neutral, evil (in your opinion) (No need to answer this ask if you do not want to)
hoo boy let me just. you’ve activated a Secret Essay(tm) of mine anon fbdshabl sorry i’ll try to keep it short LMAO
(under a read more just for a) length b) ut spoilers.. even tho im p sure most of you have beaten the game but who knows lol c) uhh Chara’s story is pretty dark so this has mentions of abuse and whatnot so please be aware of that ^^;;)
Morality alignment wise is like. Idk. I’m bad with assigning that half the time because it’s all subjective in a way right oh no my true neutralness surfaces like for example I wouldn’t do something I think is bad right? But someone else might think it’s bad. (Like my 16 yr old self might consider me today a terrible person just bc I like Undertale lol 16 yr old me is rude don’t listen to them) If I were to put them on a kind of DnD like alignment scale though, I think I would probably put them in a lawful neutral kind of alignment, maybe leaning a bit towards lawful evil.
But here’s the thing. Without Chara having any sort of backstory as to why they hate humans? It’s very hard for me to gauge where their motivation lies for the things that they did. Based off of what Asriel tells you when you talk to him in the Ruins, the genocide route, and the bits of narration we have, we can pretty much assume:
- Chara was pretty abusive, this is undeniably a fact even from just watching the videos in the True Lab; and while Asriel recognizes this, he didn’t want to lose them because they were the only one he felt close to. Which is likely part of the abuse they dealt by making him feel alone without them. - Chara hated humanity for reasons they would not disclose to Asriel, but it’s pretty implied that they attempted to commit suicide by jumping into Mt. Ebott. This could mean that they were abused in their past, which could in turn provide reason for their abusive nature (because, with Chara being a child, it’s very likely that they took in the personalities of those around them to make their own person up. Even though they were hurting, they didn’t exactly know why, and even still, many people with an abusive history that end up abusive themselves might not even recognize that they’re being abusive, which might be the case for Chara as well.) - Chara probably cared for Asriel. There’s a lot of things to indicate that they may have faked it or maybe it seems like they didn’t by their abusive nature towards Asriel, but it’s unlikely that Chara would fake caring about someone. If they jumped off the side of a mountain because they hated the people they were around so much, there’s very little reason for them to pretend they liked someone at the potential expense of their own happiness. More likely than not, Chara desperately wanted to keep Asriel close, but ended up being really controlling in an attempt to keep him close. Additionally, when you hug Asriel at the end of the True Pacifist route, the line “Hah... I don’t want to let go...” is said by the narrator, indicating it may have been Chara who said it. But considering how Sans also has lines that are spoken silently and in the default font, this may not be entirely accurate.  - Imma go off for a second about genocide because i have a pet peeve about when people suddenly decide that Chara is the one that caused it. This doesn’t make any sense -- but at the same time, with little to no games considering the Player and Player-Insert character to be two seperate characters, it’s no surprise to me that people i guess “projected” onto Chara. However, if you seperate the player from Frisk (in the same manner that Kris and the Player are seperate in Deltarune), it becomes easier to understand. Chara had nothing against the monsters. They liked monsterkind. It’s extremely unlikely that they would have the motivation to kill all of the monsters on their own. This wasn’t created until far into the genocide route, where the player has done most of the work for them. Chara is now living on pure Determination, which as we know is void of care and purely puts a person on a path of achieving their last desire, and once they wake up like this, with most of monsterkind already dead... well, what else is there to live for? They already attempted to kill humanity, failed, and now the only people they treasured have fallen like flies. Nothing matters in this world. Might as well delete the whole thing to finish the job. (also Frisk doesn’t have any motivations of their own either... unlike Kris they are shown to have no specific motivations (that i’m aware of?) one way or another and don’t reject the player ever so the idea that a canon frisk would reject the genocide route doesn’t make sense to me either. obvs au’s are exempt because they’re free real estate lmao anyway this is unrelated) - Chara’s a very calculated and observent person as well -- just look at how they died? They weren’t even afraid of death. They poisoned themselves with full faith that Asriel would take their Soul and bring them back to life (which also goes back to my point about how much Chara cared for Asriel, since, if they didn’t trust him, they would not have left him with that huge responsibility) by absorbing their Soul into his own body so they could exist as one. Chara saw their death as a stepping stone in their plan. All this from just seeing Asgore accidentally eat buttercups once and getting sick. A whole plan to get revenge on the people who hurt them from that. They even made a statement about wanting to be placed back on the Surface just to cover Asriel’s ass when he eventually took Chara on his own to the Surface. - okay this is probably just more of a me thing, but I’ve never gotten the whole “Chara hates Sans” concept. But considering I also don’t really think of Chara as the one who attempted the genocide route, I guess it makes sense. Chara probably doesn’t care about Sans one way or another, really, and Sans probably has very little idea who Chara is. I’ve always seen Sans’s statements during his battle said directly towards the Player, more or less using Frisk as the messenger -- like, for example (yes I have this on hand don’t judge me):
“sounds strange, but before this i was secretly hoping we could be friends. i always thought the anomaly was doing this because they were unhappy. and when they got what they wanted, they would stop all this. and maybe all they needed was. i dunno. some good foods, some bad laughs, some nice friends. but that’s ridiculous, right? yeah. you’re the type of person who won’t EVER be happy.”
- (cont) At this point it sort of taps into something I was gonna write for that Sans essay but here we go. I bolded “the anomaly” because this is the point where he directly refers to the player as their own individual in the game. What’s the only thing that’s different between Undertale and any moments of his life previous? The player. Hence, anomaly. Even Chara would have existed before the player showed up, right? Chara fell sometime within the 2010′s according to the opening of the game, and in between that time and when Frisk showed up, 6 other humans fell into the Underground. Clearly none of them had the same powers Frisk did, because otherwise, they would have not died and left their Soul behind for Asgore to use. That leaves one thing different -- player interference. Chara even directly states that the player is the one who woke them up with Determination, meaning they were asleep (or dead) for every year previous to their arrival. Sans probably only knows them as “the first human” like every other monster in the Underground (aside from the Dreemurs, of course).
i could probably go on for a while. but i will save you the time you probably didn’t want to spend reading this already by shutting up fdbshafb
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muwur · 4 years
Note
idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this
self-love
♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo
❧ gn reader
✎ 3.7k words
a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors
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 oikawa
♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice
♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look
♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked
♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”
♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full
♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack
♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school
♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach
♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained
♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual
♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant
♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it
♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you
♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”
♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...
♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips
♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away
♡ ”I’m fine..!”
♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush
♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”
♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself
♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply
♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him
♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you
♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies
♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch
♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together
♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well
♡ You could manage on just water
♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals
♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it
♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in
♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere
♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty
♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal
♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”
♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”
♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame
♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading
♡ “Y/n, look at me.”
♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”
♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”
♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response
♡  “Do you know why?”
♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question
♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile
♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”
♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”
♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”
♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”
♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”
♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently
♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”
♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow
♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”
♡  “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”
♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”
♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”
♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner
♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious
♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa
♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:
♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’
♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’
♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘
♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’
♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’
♡ True to his word, he remained understanding
♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence
♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid
♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him
♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated
♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you
♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him
♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally
♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts
♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)
♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay
♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone
♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day
♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man
♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him
♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement
♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)
♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie
♡ Mid-movie be like:
♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?
♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”
♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”
♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)
♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once
♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing
♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair
♡ Y’all get better at it tho
♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)
♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)
♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended
♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too
♡ Has help resources READY
♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint
♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits
♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you
♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities
♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect
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kuroo
♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him
♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs
♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable
♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly
♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness
♡ And so you tried to cope
♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you
♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin
♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you
♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right
♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them
♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere
♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame
♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards
♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc
♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look
♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud
♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt
♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose
♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve
♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself  
♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself
-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--
-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace
-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame
-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall
- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”
-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today
- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”
-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial.  You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--
-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed
-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone
-You were about to murmur in response when,
- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”
- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response
-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders
-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips
- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”
♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”
♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”
♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”
♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”
♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”
♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm
♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth
♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack
♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”
♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop
♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”
♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you
♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)
♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits
♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”
♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)
♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc
♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing
♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)
♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)
♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer
♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing
♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder
♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up
♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt
♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water
♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you
♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change
♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕
a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF
also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat
also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more  of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get  to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.
by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u  or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it  right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note  rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all  , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3
65 notes · View notes
yourfriendsimf-o · 3 years
Note
Me when I think about Tagora for 5 seconds
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no but okay. had to find the messages but. i was talking with a friend about tagora and his personality and. wow i love him. i’ve been thinking about him a lot the past couple of days.
like. yeah okay he’s petty and rude but he doesn’t go out of his way to be an asshole or to be unnecessarily mean to people?
and he values his independence and having his space. and while he might act annoyed or irritated like when you’re around, he’s the type to where he’ll seek out attention from you when you stop giving it to him ya know.
there’s a lot of insecurity and trust issues im sure. as well as social anxiety, maybe even to go as far as (t)agoraphobia. might analyze that one but like. the pettiness and rudeness and the “i’m going to charge you for breathing” attitude could be part of covering up insecurity? like tagora is very self-aware. he knows what he wants, how he wants it, and when he’s gonna get it. he knows what he needs to do and say ya know. not in a manipulative way but if he has to bend the truth a little bit than so be it ya know. hes a lawyer. they do that probably idk im not one
like for example, headcanon that he can be a pretty big flirt when he wants to be. he enjoys going out to the occasional bar and ya know, if he finds someone interesting, he knows how to play his cards right to pique their interest ya know? idk where tagora goes to socialize and hang out but yeah. he’s good at dropping hints that he finds someone attractive. but then when the other person shows interest and does it back is when his resolve starts to crumble because he didnt think he’d get this far
but ya know, anxiety can unintentionally get in the way of all of that that which puts you in this awful loop of trying to get things done and stopping yourself before you even try. and i feel tagora is very much in that loop and may even have trouble getting out of his own head. he is also a derse player which ups the skepticism.
i feel tagora values feeling wanted, and highly values reciprocation and loyalty in a relationship. he’s okay being independent but he still enjoys having a few stable, consistent connetions. he values praise and being acknowledged for what he’s doing; he loves having other people state what they observe/notice about him. a little ego boost and it also helps him think outside of his own self-image a bit.
so yeha tagora? love that guy. love that short guy. ferret man. love him.
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lavenderlattaes · 4 years
Text
let’s get married. | kim seokjin
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⇒ summary: it’s no secret to your friends that sneaking into wedding receptions for the buffet table has been an ongoing tradition between you and your best friend, kim seokjin. but what happens when your friends get engaged? you become their wedding planners. and, let’s also not forget about the fact that you’re both in love with each other, so maybe all the wedding planning has gotten the best of you.
⇒ [ friends to lovers! au, wedding crashers turned wedding planners! au ]
⇒ pairing: kim seokjin x female reader
⇒ word count: 11.4k words
⇒ genre: fluff
⇒ warnings: like, one or two swear words and an excessive use of the word stupid/dumb, just me being absolutely in love w kim seokjin so this is me imagining what it would be like to end up w him lmao (send help) this may or may not be a slow burn but idk how slow burn fics work so
⇒ note: hello and after an entire decade (lol jk) i am back w a bts fic! I feel like i’ve only been writing for txt lately so here’s a long ass seokjin fic for you guys! I’m a lil bit rusty so please forgive me in advance. without further ado, ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy!  \ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ/
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i.
“Saturday, 10 am, at the hotel near the publishing house,” Seokjin throws a pastel pink cocktail dress at you, and you groan at his actions, pushing the freshly dry-cleaned dress away as you directed your attention to a rerun of your latest drama that aired last night. Being an editor for a magazine had its perks, that’s for sure, but you absolutely abhorred the times when you’d have to work overtime and miss your dramas.
“Who’s getting married?” You ask, popping popcorn in your mouth as your roommate slash best friend, Kim Seokjin plops down onto the couch beside you, grabbing a handful of popcorn for himself.
“I don’t know them personally of course, but I heard they’re Jeongguk’s friends from college,” Seokjin shrugs and you choke on your popcorn.
Seokjin turns to you worried, and pats your back comfortingly as you take exaggerated coughs. When he realizes this, he rolls his eyes and goes back to looking at the tv.
“Jeongguk’s friends?! So they’re his age?” You sputter and Seokjin can merely sigh. “Unfortunately, so. We’re definitely gonna end up alone with about fifty cats.” You snort at his statement, folding your legs underneath you.
“Firstly, we’re not that old. We’re just older than Gguk by what, five years? And secondly, you’re not gonna end up alone because you have me, and you don’t even have a single cat.” You point out the facts and Seokjin looks up in thought before shrugging.
“You’re right. Besides, I’m too good looking to end up alone.” He proudly states. You can only nod in agreement.
“What are they having for their lunch?” You return the topic to the next wedding you’ll be crashing and Seokjin shrugs.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask Jeongguk because I think he knows.” 
Most of the time, you didn’t exactly get caught when you pretended to be on the guest list and act like you knew the couple despite having a few loose ends; you were just that much of good actors. You’ve known Seokjin all throughout college and you know how good he is at acting too, despite being a business major. He once told you that if it were up to him, he wouldn’t even be taking up business if he didn’t have to inherit his dad’s company. He wanted to be an actor, or at least have any job related to the field. 
You hum in response. “Can’t believe kids younger than us are actually getting married before us,” Seokjin speaks up after a while, and you snort. He still hasn’t moved on from it, apparently.
“You’re gonna find someone to marry soon,” you reassure your best friend and he only shrugs.
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It’s the day of the wedding, and you’ve both managed to sneak in — again, and you’re both enjoying the food by the buffet table while couples danced in the middle.
“Hyung!” You hear a familiar voice and both you and Seokjin stop munching on the chocolate truffles to find the owner of the voice.
It’s Jeon Jeongguk.
He grins mischievously at the both of you, and gives you a hug as he squeezes himself in between you both. You feed him a truffle and he gladly accepts, his cheeks puffing out as he chews on the sweet dessert happily.
He swallows the bits of the truffle before turning to Seokjin. “I see you’ve managed to sneak yourselves in, again.” Jeongguk laughs and you let out a scoff. “It was easier this time, actually. Turns out Jin actually somewhat knows the groom so we managed to play it cool with a few facts about him,” you shrug and Jeongguk raises an eyebrow.
“Really?” He looks at Seokjin in disbelief and the older boy grins proudly. “You have so little faith in your hyung, you know? You underestimate me,” he pats the younger boy on the back and Jeongguk shakes his head, a twinkle in his eye.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you guys would end up together,” he comments and you and Seokjin both choke on your food as Jeongguk giggles, snatching another truffle and stuffing it in his mouth.
“See you later, guys!” he turns around and runs back to the dance floor where he starts breaking out into dance when he sees his friends. You turn around fully, watching Jeongguk in the middle, when your eyes flit over to the couple. You observe the gentle way the groom held onto the bride’s waist as they danced, the way he looked at her with so much love, and you can’t help but sigh.
Seokjin turns around after swallowing his fifth - or probably sixth - cream puff, glancing at you before following your line of sight. “What’s with the sigh, dork?” He bumps his shoulder with yours and you break out of your trance, turning to look at him. He looks at you curiously and you break eye contact to take a sip of your wine.
“Am I ever going to get married? I’m almost 30 and I haven’t dated anyone since college,” you state worriedly, and Seokjin stares at you long enough to see if you were joking or not.
You weren’t.
When you don’t hear a reply from your best friend, you turn back to look at him again. “You okay?” You ask and Seokjin looks at you for a while longer before shaking his head. “You’re gonna find someone who’s gonna love you for you, I’m sure of that.” He ends up saying and gives you a close lipped smile. You chuckle and sip on your wine again. Seokjin follows your movements before turning back to the floor where Jeongguk was already leading a train with his other college buddy, Kim Yugyeom. 
With his own glass of wine just close to his lips, Seokjin whispers, “If you don’t find anyone by then, you’ll have me, at least.” 
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ii.
“Hey, how was the business trip?” You greet from your spot on the couch, typing on your laptop as you hear the door open. Seokjin’s suitcases land on the ground with a soft thud. You soon feel his lips plant a small kiss on the top of your head before ruffling your hair.
“Tiring, but I think we got the investors to go with our proposal. We’re gonna find out by the end of week,” Seokjin finally speaks up, walking over to the kitchen where he grabs a bottle of water. You stop typing and decide that your article can wait until tomorrow. You close your laptop and stand up to grab some food in the cupboard, knowing all Seokjin needed after a long business trip was to watch movies and eat until the early hours of the morning.
“Let’s go out for some pizza,” Seokjin announces and you stop in your attempt to climb a chair and open the top cupboard. “Aren’t you tired? You just got back,” you ask him, and he shrugs. “I’m craving for pizza right now. Let’s just go out for dinner then come back.” 
You plop down on the chair you were supposed to stand on and pull your legs up. “Then we can just order in some pizza then,” you propose and Seokjin pouts at you. “I wanna go out, I’ve been so cooped up in offices and cars lately,” he whines. You stare at him and he just pushes his lips even more and you hate the fact that when he’s trying to be cute, you can’t resist him.
“Ah, whatever. Let me go get changed,” you stand up and Seokjin claps his hands triumphantly. “Tonight’s dinner is on me!” He calls after you and you laugh, climbing the stairs to your room. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” you shout back, waving a hand dismissively.
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“I thought we were just going to have dinner?” You ask in confusion as Seokjin suddenly drives to the boardwalk after receiving a text. “What are we doing here?” The car comes to a stop and Seokjin looks at you. “Someone’s going to propose tonight, remember?” Your eyes widen in realization.
“Wait, Yoongi’s going to propose tonight?! I thought it was next week,” you mentally facepalm. Seokjin unbuckles his seatbelt and turns the car off. “Me too, but I got a text from Namjoon asking where we were. Apparently, we were supposed to help them set up hours ago,” he says and the both of you get out.
Shutting the car door, you run around to Seokjin’s side as you both hurriedly make your way to the beach. “Ugh, I feel so bad now. Yoongi’s proposing to my best friend and I was stupid enough to forget,” you sigh and Seokjin pats your shoulder. “We were both busy, so they’ll understand.” You both make it in time to see Namjoon asking your other friends to get into their positions. Hoseok notices the both of you approaching and laughs.
“Where have you guys been? Hopefully not at some wedding again,” Hoseok teases and Namjoon turns around to greet you both.
“You’ve got a wedding about to happen in a few months right here where you don’t have to actually sneak in and you don’t even show up on time?” He adds and the younger guys laugh.
“You think about food way too much,” Jimin pipes up and you both groan. “We were busy with work, don’t make us look that bad,” You whine and they all laugh. 
“Okay, okay. Y/N, you can take care of the lights, and Jin hyung, you can go give us the signal when Yoongi and Y/F/N walk past your hiding spot.” Namjoon instructs and you both nod, going over to your spots.
“Hey, when am I going to give the go signal?” Seokjin asks and Namjoon’s about to answer when Taehyung suddenly speaks up, “Guys, they’re almost here!” “Quick, hide!” Namjoon calls out and all of you get ready in your hiding spots. 
“Wait, wait-” Seokjin shuts up when all the lights go off and he can hear the sounds of footsteps approaching.
“Yoongi…” the soft voice of Y/F/N dies in the air and Seokjin can see their footsteps move past him.
“Y/F/N, we’ve been together since college. You’ve been my best friend for a longer time, and I’ve always known that it was always you,” Yoongi begins and Seokjin got so focused on Yoongi’s words - his friend is being so expressive right now, when did this happen? - that he forgot to give the go signal. The place was still dark and Yoongi was already down on his knee.
“Y/F/N, will you raise Min Holly with me and stay up writing songs with me? Will you make me the happiest man and marry me?”
It’s only then that Seokjin suddenly breaks out of his trance and panics, giving the go signal, just as you manage to realize what’s already going on and turn the lights on as Hoseok plays the music and Taehyung and Jeongguk start taking pictures, all a little too late. Y/F/N jumps in surprise at the sudden flash of lights and the music that started playing. Jimin plays the surprise video a little too late and Namjoon pops the confetti way too early.
In conclusion, you guys were terrible friends and ruined the perfect proposal Yoongi had planned in his head for weeks. Y/F/N looks around and despite the fact that for Yoongi it looked absolutely terrible, her eyes only saw how much Yoongi loves her. Her eyes started to water and she turned back to Yoongi, smiling down at Yoongi who had his head down, thinking that he probably ruined his chances of marrying the only girl he loves.
“Min Yoongi, look at me,” she whispers softly and all of you managed to tone down the chaotic mess you created. Hoseok turned the volume down a bit and Jeongguk started to film the moment instead, while Taehyung turned the flash off. 
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t supposed to go like this, I promise everything was carefully planned out, I- I don’t know what happened and I know it’s a mess but -”
“Yoongi.” Y/F/N giggles and Yoongi looks up at her. His eyes widen and his mouth is slightly agape as he sees tears in her eyes. “Yes.”
“Wait, what?” Yoongi tilts his head in confusion and your best friend lets out a watery chuckle. “I said yes, Yoongi. Yes, I’m going to raise Min Holly with you, yes, I’m going to stay up late and write songs with you, yes, I’m going to make you the happiest man. Yes, I’m going to marry you.” She finishes, and pulls Yoongi up to stand.
“Wait, are you serious?” Yoongi asks again and she hits his shoulder weakly. Her tears fall and she laughs, “Of course, you’re crazy for thinking I won’t spend the rest of my life with you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” she starts crying now and your tears start to well up with happiness for the couple. Yoongi slips the ring on her finger before pulling her into a tight hug. 
Seokjin is the first to clap and everyone follows, hoots and cheers coming from the younger boys. You start clapping too, wiping the tears away as you cheered for the engaged couple. When Yoongi and Y/F/N pull away from the hug, they turn to look around and all of you come out of your hiding spots to properly congratulate them.
You dash over to Y/F/N and she looks at you in surprise before pulling you in for a hug. “You’re part of this too?” she squeals and you chuckle. “Apparently,” you shrug your shoulders and hug her tighter. “I’m so happy for you and Yoongi,” you coo and she smiles as the two of you pull away from the hug.
“Alright, alright. Now, who messed up my proposal?” Yoongi calls out and the laughter dies down a bit as Seokjin sheepishly raises his hand up. Yoongi’s eyes widen.
“Hyung? I thought it would be Jeongguk or any of the maknaes!” Yoongi exclaims in disbelief and the younger boys start to protest.
“Hey, if you must know, I was the first to arrive here!” Jimin speaks up.
“I came right after Jimin did! I knew what to do too,” Taehyung pipes in.
“I’m in charge of taking pictures so I definitely wouldn’t be late! Besides, Seokjin hyung and Y/N almost didn’t make it because they forgot!” Jeongguk exposes the both of you and the couple turns to you.
You raise your hands up. “Hey, again, we were busy with work,” you try to reason and Yoongi waves his hand dismissively. Y/F/N giggles, nudging you playfully as you wrinkle your nose at her.
“You guys were probably eating at home again!” Yoongi accuses you both and you sputter out excuses.
“No, we weren’t!” “We went out for pizza because Seokjin didn’t want to order which means you’re lucky we were out and were just around the area!”
“Oh, so you guys went on a date?” Y/F/N raises an eyebrow and you stop trying to explain yourself as Seokjin stops talking as well.
Jimin pulls you to stand beside Seokjin and you almost stumble, but he manages to catch you and steadies you by the shoulders. Your friends all turn to look at the two of you with curious eyes.
“So,” Hoseok smirks. “Is there something we don’t know about you guys?” Namjoon asks. “Do you, maybe, I don’t know, wanna share something with us?” Hoseok adds.
“Are you guys dating?” Taehyung wastes no time in beating around the bush, causing yours and Seokjin’s eyes to widen.
“WHAT!? No, we’re not!” you both say at the same time and everyone breaks out into laughter. You start to fan yourself, your face heating up. Seokjin looks away, causing the guys to laugh even more, as his actions only expose his red ears.
“You guys seem pretty bothered by it,” Yoongi comments and you stop fanning as Seokjin faces them again.
Before you can say anything, Seokjin beats you to it. “There’s nothing going on, okay? We just went out for dinner. We were supposed to go home right after but then Namjoon reminded us about the surprise that we completely forgot about because again, we were busy with work, so that’s why we were late and I didn’t know when to give the signal and that’s how I messed up your proposal,” Seokjin explains.
The boys turn to look at each other, laughing lightly, and Seokjin stares at them as your eyes stay fixed on Y/F/N who was whispering something in Yoongi’s ear, giggling quietly. Yoongi nods and grins as his eyes glance at the two of you.
“Y/F/N and I have agreed on something,” Yoongi speaks up and everyone quiets down.
“To make up for tonight, the two of you have to help us with the wedding preparations.” Yoongi proclaims and your mouth drops open.
“Yah, why? I’m going to be really busy starting this month! Father’s going to hand over the company next year and there’s still so much to do!” Seokjin complains.
“And I have a lot of schedules set for this month! There’s so many deadlines to do!” You add in.
“Firstly, you guys are gonna have important roles at our wedding. Y/N, you’re obviously going to be my maid of honor. And Seokjin, didn’t you have a rock-paper-scissors battle with Hoseok for best man when I first told you guys that I was gonna propose?” Yoongi points out.
You both shut up.
“And secondly, who knows how to handle weddings the most than the two of you? You know what kind of food goes well together, right? You know all the best venues in Korea, and I’m sure you guys can take care of a lot of stuff, considering how you’re used to hectic lifestyles anyway,” Y/F/N adds.
Hoseok bursts out in laughter, making the others laugh as well as you chuckle weakly.
“I guess you’re right,” you give in and Seokjin scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I guess we can make our schedules work somehow.” Y/F/N claps her hands excitedly.
“Great! You guys are meeting up with us tomorrow, okay? Make time for us around 3-5 pm,” Y/F/N informs you and you turn to look at Seokjin. The guy can only shrug and offer you a small smile, making you grin at his actions.
Wedding crashers turned wedding planners, huh?
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iii.
For the past two months, you and Seokjin have been meeting up with Y/F/N and Yoongi to help out with the upcoming wedding which was set to happen in three months. Which also meant that you hardly got to crash other weddings OR have marathons with each other.
“I’m going with Y/F/N to fit her wedding gown today,” you explain as Seokjin eyes you all dressed up early on a Saturday. He hands you your cup of coffee which was made just the way you liked it, not too sweet, not too bitter. You sit down across from him on the table as he eats a spoonful of cereal. “How about you? Any plans with Yoongi today?” you ask, before taking a sip of your coffee.
He plays with his spoon before putting it down, leaning back in his seat. “I’m supposed to go look for a suit with him too, but I have to go meet with some of the stockholders with Dad today. He really wants me to go with him but I’m not sure if I’ll make it on time so I told him to ask the other guys.” 
You nod and finish your coffee, standing up to bring it to the sink. “You go ahead, I’ll wash it for you,” Seokjin tells you and you grin.
“This is why I’ve always loved living with you,” you comment. “Don’t mention it,” he replies casually as you go back upstairs. You almost make it to your room when your exchange suddenly registers in your head. You pause and turn back around, debating if you should correct yourself or not. The reasonable part of yourself assures you that Seokjin thinks nothing of it anyway and you turn back around again.
Meanwhile, Seokjin’s thinking heavily about your words, even long after you’ve left the apartment.
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“Hm, nope not that one,” you say, leaning back against the velvet cushions, as Y/F/N groans and goes back inside the dressing room. You laugh and she whines, “Why are you deciding for me? You’re not the one getting married.”
“Remember what you asked me two months ago? ‘Who knows how to handle weddings the most than the two of you?’ You have complete faith in me, don’t you, Y/F/N?” You tease her and she shuffles out of the dressing room again as you check a text message on your phone.
“This better be good, because we’ve been here for the past four - wow,” you’re cut off when you look up at her. The dress was beautiful and the fact that it perfectly embodied Y/F/N’s personality made it look stunning. It hugged her body in all the right places and it was both parts stylish and sophisticated. Wordlessly, you made her turn around and she obeyed you, feeling a little anxious at your reaction.
“What? Do you not like it?” Y/F/N finally asks and you look at her directly, tearing your eyes away from the gown. You give her your brightest smile. “You look beautiful. It’s this one, you should get this one.”
She lets out a relieved laugh, telling the boutique assistant she’ll get the gown. “That’s the most sensible thing you’ve said to me the whole day. I thought you were going to say something like, ‘wow, you clean up nicely, Y/F/N’,” she teases you and you chuck a pillow at her. “Whatever, go get changed. We have to look for your shoes.” She salutes playfully and goes back inside the dressing room.
Your phone beeps with a text and a smile makes its way onto your face when you read the text.
Partner in crime???: hey, how’s the wedding gown hunting going? 
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“I’m so sorry, the meeting ran a little longer than I expected,” Seokjin rushes inside the store and is surprised to see all five of their friends there with Yoongi. They all turn to him and Taehyung greets him. “Hey, hyung! That’s okay, we just got here awhile ago, you’re just in time.”
Seokjin plops down beside Taehyung and Yoongi’s going through the racks of black tuxes. “Hey hyung, what if you wore a pink tux?” Jeongguk suggests playfully and Yoongi turns around to give him a look. 
The younger boy laughs and Yoongi sighs. “It’s not going to match the theme you know,” Yoongi comments, making the others laugh. “But what if you did wear pink? Would Y/F/N get mad?” Jimin pipes in. 
“She won’t,” Yoongi leans against a wall casually. “The fact that she said yes even after hyung destroyed my proposal is enough proof that she loves me a lot.” The boys all burst in laughter at that while Seokjin just leans back in defeat.
“Min Yoongi, go find your top choices and we’ll help you decide,” Seokjin says tiredly, and Yoongi grins at him. 
When Yoongi enters the dressing room to try on his top picks, Seokjin whips his phone out to text you. Almost immediately, you reply and Seokjin smiles at your response.
Wedding crasher buddy: all done! We found the perfect dress. How about you guys? And how did the meeting go?
“Hyung, do you seriously not have any feelings for Y/N? You’re smiling at your phone like an idiot,” Namjoon comments from across. Seokjin looks up and sees all of them looking at him.
“He has, but he’s being a coward about it,” Yoongi calls out, walking out of the dressing room all dressed up. They all turn to Yoongi and grin.
“We’re not being lazy but you should get that,” Hoseok comments. “Yeah, you look good in that,” Namjoon agrees. Yoongi nods. “I personally like this one the most too.” He goes back inside and the boys turn back to look at Seokjin.
“You’ve been living under one roof since you were freshmen in college, don’t you ever get jealous whenever she brings guys home?” Taehyung asks. 
Seokjin blinks. “Woah, what’s with the interrogation? And no, because she never brought any guy home.”
“Has she ever spent a night away from home? Like, slept over at someone else’s house after a party?” Jimin continues.
“Uh, we always go home together after parties and if she did sleep over at someone else’s house, it would always be at Y/F/N’s and I know because I drove her there every time,” Seokjin answers.
Without looking at each other, the boys all say, “They’re in love with each other.”
“I agree!” Yoongi shouts from the dressing room and Seokjin groans. “Min Yoongi just come out here, will you?”
On cue, the man in question walks out. “Do I tell them?” he smirks. The five all turn to look at each other. “Tell us what?”
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“This was a stupid idea,” Seokjin groans, picking your wasted self up on Byun Baekhyun’s couch. You had insisted on attending the friendly and energetic boy’s party after stressing out on your finals the entire week. Now that it was all over, you wanted to relax. Your brain had enough of words and you claimed that Seokjin’s supposedly had enough of numbers as well.
‘It’ll be fun! I promise’, you told him prior to leaving the apartment, and Seokjin gave in. Apparently, your’s and Seokjin’s definition of fun weren’t the same. While Seokjin drank moderately and talked occasionally to his classmates and friends , you downed just about every cup of liquor you could get your hands on, and that also included having dance battles with Park Jaehyung from your creative writing class and trying to sing higher notes than Baekhyun’s best friend, Jongdae. 
So here you were, passed out on the couch and Seokjin could only hope you wouldn’t vomit the following day. He was expecting to carry you normally like he usually did when you stayed up late to study and fell asleep on the couch but he wasn’t expecting you to weigh like a huge rock boulder. You were heavy and maybe it was because you were completely passed out. He adjusts his hold on you and manages to somehow thank Baekhyun for the invitation before leaving.
He’s lucky enough to hail a taxi almost as soon as he steps out of Baekhyun’s apartment, and he manages to bring the two of you home all intact. The ride home was really peaceful - you were asleep in Seokjin’s arms and didn’t move much.
But when you arrived home and he had to put you down on your bed, that’s when things started to get a bit messy. “Hmm, it’s hot,” you mutter, and Seokjin sighs. He takes your socks and jacket off, and you’re left in your jeans and shirt. “Y/N, go get changed.” 
Your eyes open slightly, and you give him a lazy grin. “Help me out, Jinnie.”
Seokjin’s ears turn red. You hardly called him Jinnie and when you did, it always got him flustered. Your arms reach out for him and he pulls you up gently, but you wouldn’t budge. “Y/N. I need you to get up for me,” Seokjin begins gently, tugging on you. 
You weren’t doing anything and Seokjin’s been trying to get you out of bed for the past ten minutes. “Y/N,” Seokjin tries again for possibly the twentieth time that night. He tugs on your arms a bit harder. “Y/N, I swear to -” when he pulls on your arms with more force than intended, you suddenly sprang up, and your sudden action surprises Seokjin that he pulls on you even more. 
The action causes your lips to land messily on his and his eyes widen at your action. His arms go still at his sides while your hands rest on his shoulders. Truth be told, Seokjin’s always thought something like this was bound to happen between the two of you; you’re now in your third year in college and you’ve both been single ever since. And maybe because Seokjin was starting to fall for his best friend.
Your lips move slowly against his and what was he supposed to do? Ignore you? Seokjin kisses you back and his arm wounds around your waist, pulling you in closer. Seokjin was getting lightheaded and he’s stupid for not acting on his feelings sooner. He would’ve saved himself from going insane all these years. He pushes you back to lie down and he’s hovering above you. But then you suddenly fall asleep…?
Seokjin breaks the kiss and lets out a small laugh. He looks at your adorable state - eyes closed, lips pouting slightly, hair a mess and flushed cheeks. Seokjin decides to just turn the temperature down and tucks you in properly. He smiles and presses a soft kiss to your forehead.
And Seokjin thought, that maybe it wasn’t such a stupid idea after all.
Until the following day came and you couldn’t remember anything except for Baekhyun’s other friend, Park Chanyeol. 
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“You kissed Y/N?!” All five of them exclaimed while Yoongi just casually sipped his coffee. Seokjin throws his head back on the couch and groans.
“And you never told us?” Hoseok gapes at him. “He told me,” Yoongi points out. “But I was drunk when I told you that!” Seokjin exclaims and Yoongi shrugs, “Point taken.”
“So, you just never told Y/N you kissed her and just let her date Park Chanyeol until the end of your third year?!” Taehyung exclaims. “Hyung, why would you chicken out like that!” Jeongguk adds.
Seokjin sighs. “They just dated for the second semester guys, calm down. I couldn’t lose Y/N as a friend, okay?”
“But hyung, how could you just watch the girl you like date someone else?” Jimin asks sadly. Seokjin purses his lips before answering, “I guess it was better to see her happy with someone else than to risk her not looking me in the eyes. I don’t know if she felt the same way, and I just couldn’t risk it.”
“But don’t you think it might’ve made a difference if you tried? Knowing Y/N, I don’t think you’d lose her as a friend,” Namjoon joins in. Seokjin just looks down and checks the time on his phone. He’s greeted with a picture the two of you took after meeting up with Yoongi and Y/F/N two months ago. He hasn’t changed it ever since. You were pouting and Seokjin was giving you a weird look and on most days, it made him happy. Now, it just made him feel hopeless.
“Well, we can’t change what already happened.”
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You plop down in the corner booth of the cafe you frequented at while you were in college, exhausted from all the shopping and going around with Y/F/N. She sits down in front of you, equally exhausted. 
“I don’t understand why you didn’t just get a wedding planner, you dummy. It would’ve saved us all the trouble,” you breathe heavily. Y/F/N kicks you under the table. “Ow!”
“We’re talking about my special day, Y/N. I want it to be perfect and you’re the only I trust enough to be able to pull it off. Both you and Seokjin know us better than anyone else,” she points out. 
You sit up. “That is true.” She smiles and sits up as well. “Now, do you want anything? It’s my treat.”
Your eyes sparkle and she laughs. “The usual?” You nod, and she pats your head playfully before standing up to order for the both of you.
While waiting for her, you look outside the window and see couples left and right, going on dates. You rest your chin in the palm of your hand, sighing. You haven’t dated in so long, you’re sure you’ll end up alone. The first and last person you dated was Park Chanyeol, and it only lasted for one semester because he thought you were cheating on him with Seokjin. Besides, you didn’t really have much to talk about. 
You scoff at the memory. Seokjin didn’t even think of you as a woman. You’ve always been Y/N to him, his best friend whom he met the summer before college.
“What are you thinking about?” Y//F/N breaks your train of thought and you turn to look at her. She’s back with your order and you help her set everything on the table. She returns the tray before sitting back down in front of you.
You take a sip of your drink. “Just, how single and alone I’ve been since college…?” you offer a lame response and she rolls her eyes. “You haven’t been alone, Y/N. You’ve always had Seokjin.”
“Yeah, but I mean, romantically.” You explain and she shakes her head. “You have Seokjin.” Confused, you furrow your eyebrows at her. “What are you talking about?”
Y/F/N sighs and leans back in her seat. “You have Seokjin so you’re not alone and you’re not gonna end up alone, okay? I know what you’ve been thinking, that you’re not gonna end up marrying someone and you’re gonna die alone.”
You give her a look. “That’s a bit too much, don’t you think? The dying alone part,” you say. She smiles sadly at you. 
“Why are you looking at me like that? Y/F/N, don’t give me that look,” you inch further into your seat. She shakes her head at you. “You’re both so dense, you know that? Anyone with eyes and a common sense can tell how much you love each other. Except for the two of you, unfortunately.”
Sighing, you hold Y/F/N’s hands in yours. “I think you’re just tired, let’s get you home, yeah?” She rolls her eyes at you playfully. “I’ll leave you to figure it out on your own.”
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Y/F/N opens the door to the apartment and inside you see all seven boys deeply immersed in a black and white film. “What’s up with them?” you whisper and Y/F/N snorts quietly. “I don’t know, let’s just go watch with them.” you nod and Y/F/N makes her way over to Yoongi. 
“Hey, you guys are here,” Yoongi greets and the boys all raise a hand in greeting, their eyes still focused on the film in front of them. You laugh at how in sync they are and plop down next to Seokjin. Out of impulse, he raises an arm to wrap around you and you cuddle closer to him.
“I’m tired, let’s all just sleep here,” you mutter, resting your head on his chest as he rubs your arm gently. “If they don’t kick us out,” Seokjin whispers into your head and you grin, nodding. Suddenly feeling sleepy from the warmth Seokjin was radiating, you chose to close your eyes instead of watching the film.
The next time you open your eyes, you’re facing the door to your closet and you realize you’re already in your own bed. You pout, because Yoongi and Y/F/N kicked everyone out for sure. You turn around and come face to face with Seokjin’s sleeping figure, soft snores leaving his lips.
A gentle smile crawls up your lips, and your finger reaches out to run along his face. You trace the bridge of his nose, the curve of his lips, and count the lashes on his eyes. He looked so peaceful sleeping. It’s then that you realized how long it’s been since you last fell asleep next to Seokjin. It usually happened on really cold nights in the winter when you just needed that extra bit of warmth.
Your finger moves up to brush the hair out of his face when you suddenly remembered Y/F/N’s words from earlier that day. 
Anyone with eyes and a common sense can tell how much you love each other. 
You look at your best friend. Kim Seokjin understands you better than anyone else. Y/F/N understands you too, but Seokjin knows you like the back of his hand. He can read you like an open book and you could say the same for him. It’s always been like that. Ever since you both met way back in the summer before your first year in college (at a wedding you both crashed on your own for fun), you’ve been attached at the hip. Maybe it’s also why neither of you have been in long-lasting relationships. Seokjin dated like, one girl in your freshman year and you dated one guy in your third year in college. That was it. People either thought you were a couple or you were just too focused on your studies to actually date, but it was neither of those reasons. 
But if you knew Seokjin as much as you thought you did, why couldn’t you tell whether he actually loved you or not? 
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As you’re approaching the buffet table, the alarms start to go off in your head. A guy around your age was hanging out by the table, munching on some cupcakes. He spots you and immediately straightens his posture, suddenly looking just a tad bit alarmed at your presence. Noting how he suddenly felt after seeing you, you calm down and approach the table.
“Excuse me,” you say calmly, and he moves to the side as you reach for a cupcake. 
From your peripheral, you can see him watching you. Deciding to take the risk since you weren’t going to lose anything anyway, you ask, “So, whose side are you on?” 
He blinks, once, twice, surprised at the sudden conversation starter. You glance at him before turning to fully face him. “The groom’s,” he answers you confidently and you nod, smirking.
“Me too,” you decide and you turn to face him. “Really? How come I’ve never seen you at previous events before?” He asks casually, giving you a suspicious look.
You take a bite of your cupcake before answering. “I studied in the U.S. and I flew in just yesterday for the wedding.”
He shrugs, accepting your answer. “My brother’s great friends with the groom,” the guy says and you look away, hiding your smile.
“Rule number 1. Don’t say stuff like that unless people ask. It blows your cover,” you say and turn to him, grinning.
“I- how did you-” 
“Seeing where we’re standing right now, I think we’re here for the same reason. I’m Y/N.” You extend your hand out for him and he looks at you in awe, before taking your hand in his.
He gives you a firm shake.
“I’m Seokjin.”
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iv.
Stupid idea. Bad idea. Dumb idea.
You sigh, leaning back in your chair as you tried to find the energy and motivation to write an article about the rising new rookie group that was set to perform at the PlayStation Theatre in New York, just two months after their debut. But instead of going over the recording of your interview with the group, your mind was somewhere else. 
Just two days ago, you (somewhat) finally acknowledged that maybe you actually had feelings for your best friend. It didn’t help that apparently, everyone kept saying that they knew that the two of you were in love with each other. Except for the two of you. And ever since then, you’ve been ignoring Seokjin. Well, trying to.
Stupid idea. Bad idea. Dumb idea.
The wedding was set to happen in three months. Can’t you wait for the wedding to be over before you started avoiding Seokjin? Or maybe at least, until the month ended so you’d reason with the monthly pay for the rent, or something? 
Can’t you wait for a reasonable excuse before ignoring your best friend? 
Seokjin immediately knew something was up. From the moment he woke up in your bed and you weren’t there to poke fun at him, he knew something was up. He thinks maybe you found out how he felt and just wanted to stay away from him as much as possible. What he didn’t know was that you were just conflicted about your own feelings and didn’t even know how much his heart yearned for you.
He gave you your space, although not entirely. He still made your morning coffee for you, he still left the curtains open for you in the morning because you loved how the sunlight streamed in through the windows at 7 am, he still did little things for you. It was hard to get rid of doing those things for you, especially since he’s been doing that for years now.
Your phone beeps with a text and it’s Seokjin himself.
Partner in crime???: i’m going to check on the venue and decorations today, are you coming?
Despite everything that’s been going on between you two lately, Seokjin still kept things professional. You stare at your phone long and hard, when another text comes in.
Partner in crime???: it’s okay if you’re not coming, i can go alone. You must be busy.
You think about Yoongi and Y/F/N, who both entrusted you with the most special day of their life. You can’t let them down just because you’re clueless and lost about your feelings for your best friend.
You: I’m going, I’ll meet you there?
Partner in crime???: i’m downstairs.
Oh. 
Shutting your computer off, you grab your bag and exit your office.
“Oh! Noona, are you going somewhere?” Your intern, Kim Seungmin, asks when he passes by your office. You nod and he bows lightly. “Okay, I’ll just leave some papers on your desk, I’m getting them from Mr. Lee’s office right now.” 
“Thanks, Seungmin,” you smile at the young intern and he smiles back before going on his way. 
The sun is shining brightly when you step out of the office and Seokjin’s leaning against his car, scrolling through his phone. “Hey,” you call out and he looks up. He offers you an awkward smile and you smile back softly. He opens the car door for you and without looking at him, you get inside.
He soon follows and he starts the car right away. He drives away from the curb and out onto the main road, and you turn the music on to get rid of the awkward silence. You stop at a red light and Seokjin taps on the steering wheel softly.
You clear your throat and Seokjin turns to you. When your eyes meet, you turn away and face the window, causing him to focus back on the road instead. “I’ve already checked on the invites, and almost everyone has confirmed their attendance. I’m just waiting for a few more people.” 
“That’s great, all that’s left would be the food, if we finalize everything for the decor and venue today.” Seokjin replies and you nod. “We’ll be meeting up with Yoongi and Y/F/N for the food tasting tomorrow, right?” You ask.
“Yeah, we’ll just meet up with them at the restaurant.”
“Okay.” you reply.
Seokjin doesn’t say anything else after that.
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v.
You’re almost done with the food tasting when Y/F/N puts her fork down and folds her arms. You pause and look at her. 
“Alright, what’s up with the two of you?” she wastes no time in beating around the bush, catching you both off-guard. 
“Yeah. We can practically feel the tension radiating off the both of you,” Yoongi comments. 
“Nothing’s wrong,” the both of you say and they give you looks. “We’ve known you both since college. We know something’s wrong,” Yoongi frowns. “Did you guys get into a fight or something?”
“No, we didn’t.” You say first and you can see Seokjin lean back in his seat tiredly. 
“Then why-” your phone rings and you take the call immediately, grateful for the interruption.
“Hello?” the three turn to look at you and your eyes widen. “Yes, what? Okay, I’ll be there, thank you.” You end the call and stand up. Seokjin stands up too and you turn to look at him.
“What happened?” Y/F/N asks. You break your gaze from Seokjin and turn to look at Y/F/N. “There’s been a problem with your flowers, I’m heading over to the flower shop to see what it is. Just finish up here, okay? Don’t worry about it, I’ll make sure everything goes well.” You take Y/F/N’s hand in yours and give it a squeeze.
“I’m going with you,” Seokjin announces and you shake your head. “Stay with them, I can do it.” You insist but he just sighs. “You don’t have a car and I have one, we’ll get there faster,” he latches his hand onto your wrist and pulls you along with him.
“Uh, drive safe?” Yoongi suggests and Y/F/N lets out a laugh when you’ve both left. “What the hell was that?”
Yoongi smirks. “I think they’ve both figured it out, but they’re just missing a piece.” Y/F/N picks her fork back up and takes a bite out of the ice cream cake. “Hmm, this cake is good, but their tea is better,” she laughs and Yoongi stares at her.
“Babe, your jokes are-” Y/F/N pushes a finger to his lips. “I know I make no sense, but you should really try this cake,” she offers a slice and Yoongi rolls his eyes playfully before opening his mouth. He chews on the sweet dessert, nodding in agreement.
“Told you so.” she grins.
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The bell above the flower shop door rings noisily, signalling your presence. “Hello?” You call out, stepping inside with Seokjin following behind you. A woman in her sixties comes out from the door behind the counter and you both give her a bow. She smiles and walks from around the counter.
“Hi, you’re Y/N, right?” she greets. “Yes, ma’am. What happened?” you ask and she sighs. “One of our gardeners got into a minor accident and another two have been called back to their hometowns for family emergencies. Given the lack of manpower right now, my grandson and I won’t be able to finish carrying out your order in time for the wedding. We’ve received a lot of orders lately, because so many people want to get married in spring. We’re really sorry because we wanted to arrange for your wedding as well but we probably won’t be able to do it.” 
You turn to look at Seokjin but he’s thinking deeply. “We can recommend a few other flower shops that would be able to do rush orders, if you want,” the woman suggests. “How hard is it to arrange flowers for a wedding?” Seokjin blurts out and you and the woman turn to him. 
“Well, it’s not that hard, but it’s a lot of work. Why do you ask?” the woman answers. “Maybe we can help out? Our friends really wanted this flower shop, because the groom has been buying flowers for the bride since they first started dating. Maybe you know them? Yoongi?” Seokjin replies.
A look of realization and recognition crosses the woman’s face. “Oh, Yoongi! Yes, he’s always bought bouquets here. He’s great friends with my grandson, Jisung. And oh my goodness, I apologize, I thought you were the ones getting married,” she chuckles, embarrassed. You and Seokjin laugh awkwardly.
“No, we’re just the wedding planners,” Seokjin answers. “Slash best man and maid of honor,” you add and Seokjin nods. 
The woman laughs in understanding. “Well, of course you can. But only if it’s not getting in the way of your own personal schedules. We’re trying to look around for people looking for a part-time job for spring break, so maybe we can find more help,” the woman answers.
“I can leave the office anytime as long as I don’t have any meetings to attend,” Seokjin says and you look at him. “I thought you were still busy this month? You’re replacing your dad in a few months.” Seokjin shrugs. “It’s fine. He knows I’m busy with Yoongi’s wedding so he’s kind of given me a break.”
“Okay, then. I’ve been kind of chill at work lately so I guess we could make it work?” You turn to the woman. Her eyes shine brightly. “Oh, that’s lovely! You’d really help us out?”
You smile and nod. “It’s the least we could do for you and for our friends. We just want their special day to be perfect.” 
The woman holds onto your hands and gives it a squeeze. “Of course, you must know how that feels, right? Wanting your special day to be perfect,” she glances at Seokjin and you both realize what she’s saying.
“Oh!” you wave your hands in front of you frantically. “Uh,” Seokjin says at the same time. “We, uh, we’re not exactly...dating,” you trail off.
The woman looks between you two and blinks. “Really? I thought you were even married.”
You turn to Seokjin and back at the woman. You purse your lips and shake your head slowly. The woman looks at the two of you again before giggling. “Ah, my bad. Sorry!”
You and Seokjin can only give her an awkward laugh in return.
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vi.
“Tomorrow’s the big day, huh?” Seokjin starts a conversation and you hum in response, taking the used plates to the sink as he clears up the table. “I didn’t think we’d be capable of pulling it off, honestly,” you comment and he chuckles. The past three months went by so fast, you could hardly catch your breath. And how you managed to somewhat ignore Seokjin whilst continuing to work by his side for the wedding amazed you. 
“Yeah, me too.”
Neither of you say anything after that.
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vii.
You’re holding back tears as you listen to Yoongi say his wedding vows. Yoongi’s standing in front of the altar, Y/F/N’s hands clasped in one as the other held the mic.
“Y/F/N, you’ve been there for me since the day I was late to music history and the only seat available was next to you. I was up the night before composing my shitty songs and you were kind enough to lend me your color coded notes with all those cute little borders and banners. I couldn’t even arrange my music sheets properly and here, this pretty girl was so organized to have her sheets arranged in a folder and her notes neatly written. You stayed up with me all the time, and you helped me out of my writing slump every time. Y/F/N, now that you’ve given me the honor to spend the rest of my life with you, I promise to be there for you always, like you always have been for me. I’ll write songs about you until the day I die and I’m going to make you laugh for as long as I can make stupid jokes. I don’t ever want to make your heart ache and if I break that promise, I’m giving you the rights to sabotage my compositions. That’s how much I love you,” Yoongi says, and everyone’s both laughing and crying by the time he’s finished, especially Y/F/N. 
You wipe your tears away and from across you, your eyes lock with Seokjin. He gives you a smile and you can only smile back at him, ignoring the way your heart sped up. Just a little bit.
The wedding ceremony soon ends and after taking the mandatory wedding photos, Seokjin leads everyone to the reception while you sit down on one of the church pews. 
“I don’t think I’ve sat down to talk to you in such a long time,” Namjoon speaks up from behind you and you turn around. He sits down beside you and you smile at him.
“I’ve been really busy, I guess.” He nods at your answer. 
“You should talk to him. Properly, I mean,” Namjoon corrects himself and you look at him. “What?”
“Hyung. You’re both running away from each other,” Namjoon continues. “You’re scared to face each other, because you don’t know what or how much you could lose.” Namjoon turns to face you.
“Just try talking to him about how you feel, Y/N. You’ve both been busy with the wedding so maybe you haven’t really had the time to think about your feelings, but I don’t think you need to think too deeply about it,” Namjoon begins.  “You met in the summer before college. You hit it off really well and the fact that you were lucky enough to have been accepted into the same college way before you even met made things even better. You both lived in the same apartment since your first year and until now, you still do. He makes you laugh, he understands you better than anyone else,” Namjoon pauses. You stay silent, and Namjoon decides to continue. “He loves you and you love him. What’s there to be afraid of?”
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“Okay, in 3, 2, 1!” Y/F/N tosses her bouquet and all her bridesmaids giggle and move to the side, leaving you in the center. “Wait, what-” the bouquet lands in your hands and everyone cheers, rendering you speechless.
“Hey, wait! Is this even legal?” You protest and the crowd laughs. Y/F/N laughs hysterically, taking the microphone Jimin hands to her. “Oh, come on Y/N! You’ve been complaining about how single you’ve been since college! This is my gift to you for planning all of this for me and Yoongi,” she teases while you bury your face in the bouquet.
“Now, onto the next part,” Y/F/N grins and sits down on a chair. Yoongi laughs before walking over to her. He whispers something in her ear and Y/F/N nods, laughing. He kneels in front of her and pulls the garter down and the guests all cheer.
“Oh, boy.” You decide to take a break and head over to your favorite part of the room, the buffet table. You eye the chocolate fondue and grab yourself a plate, selecting all the desserts you’ve been lusting over since the food tasting when people start cheering and laughing from the front of the room. You turn around when you recognize Hoseok’s loud laughter and the sound of someone falling to the floor, most probably Jeongguk.
When you turn around, Taehyung’s already running towards you. Sensing the possibility that he’s going to drag you, you put down your plate of desserts just as Taehyung reaches you.
“You’re so dead,” He cackles, pulling onto your wrist just like you had expected. “Kim Taehyung, I’m wearing heels! Calm down!” Taehyung doesn’t stop dragging you and when you reach the front, you’re greeted with all of the boys and the bridesmaids laughing and cheering. An empty chair is positioned next to the laughing newlywed couple and beside the chair is none other than Kim Seokjin, holding the wedding garter in his hand. 
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you mutter and Jeongguk excitedly takes you from Taehyung, leading you to the chair where he pushes you down to sit. 
“Jeon Jeongguk,I swear-” he shuts you up with a chocolate coated marshmallow (where did that come from?) and you have no choice but to eat the fluffy sweet.
Seokjin appears in front of you and suddenly you’re self-conscious, the marshmallow making your cheeks puff up. Despite his red ears, Seokjin still laughs at the sight of your cheeks. He kneels down and your heartbeat picks up. He looks back up at you and your eyes lock.
Lifting your foot gently, he slips the garter on and pulls it up your leg. Your cheeks heat up and if it weren’t for the camera clicks and flashes going off around the two of you, you would’ve forgotten people were watching. 
Contain yourself, Y/N. You remember your sophisticated British classmate, Alexandra, from college. It was something she would often say to you, whenever you passed by the cute athletes on the field. It was a sucker that she didn’t finish her studies in Korea, since she had to go back home to the UK.
Your thoughts are interrupted when the garter moves past your knee. Seokjin stops momentarily to look at you and you just nod at him. You don’t know what happens next, except that Y/F/N suddenly pulls you up and a slow song starts playing. 
“Go dance with your future groom,” she whispers in your ear before she’s whisked away by Yoongi. You look at them fondly and you aww at the sight before you, Y/F/N tearing up as Yoongi led their dance, words leaving his lips and his eyes bright. You can only guess whatever he’s saying to be full of love and you can’t help but smile brightly.
A gentle hand rests on your lower back and Seokjin stands beside you. You look at him and lock eyes. Cliché as it may be, the world around starts to blur out and you can only focus on your best friend.
“Is it too much to ask for a dance?” he smiles softly and offers his hand out for you. Placing your hand in his, you shake your head. “If it’s you, never.”
Seokjin smiles, and leads you to the dance floor along with the other couples. Your eyes meet Namjoon’s and he smiles at you. You smile back, before turning to fully face your best friend.
“Hi,” he begins and you laugh softly. “Hello.” Seokjin sways the both of you slowly and you sigh. 
“I’m sorry I tried to stop talking to you,” you apologize and Seokjin nods. “I was confused and scared, I didn’t know what to do about my feelings.”
“I wish you would’ve talked to me about it, but I understand. We were both cowards, let’s not deny that.” He replies and you nod. “But,” Seokjin tightens his hold around your waist and pulls you closer.
“I’m also sorry for not telling you things sooner. I’m sorry for keeping things from you,” he says, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean? You’ve never kept anything from me.”
Seokjin sighs and looks down. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he looks up again. “I kissed you. Long before Chanyeol ever did,” he admits. You can only look at him and he decides to just tell you everything. “Baekhyun’s party, the end of first semester of our third year in college,” he starts. “You were passed out on the couch and I had to carry you all the way home. I was about to tuck you in when you somehow regained consciousness. You were feeling a bit hot so I told you to get changed. I’d already taken your socks and jacket off then. You wanted me to help you get up so I did but you wouldn’t budge,” Seokjin watches your reaction but he can’t get anything out of the stare you gave him.
“After a few more tries, you finally decided to get up but I pulled on you too hard and you ended up kissing me. I thought you’d just move back but you kissed me and I kissed you back. I already had feelings for you back then,” Seokjin notices the light pink shade dusting your cheeks and it definitely wasn’t because of the makeup. “But when you woke up the next day, you only remembered Chanyeol.” 
“Jinnie,” you whisper and he chuckles softly. “You called me Jinnie that night too, and I guess because I always loved it when you called me that, I badly wanted to confess to you.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” 
“I was stupid, I was scared that maybe I’d lose you if I told you how I felt. And, as a roommate. I couldn’t pay for the rent on my own you know,” Seokjin jokes, trying to lighten the mood. You laugh and poke his cheek.
“You were stupid. I remembered the kiss, but I was scared that it meant nothing to you and you were only being nice. That’s why I said I only remembered Chanyeol because I was hoping to get a reaction out of you.”
Seokjin throws his head and lets out a whine. “Ugh, you mean to tell me we could’ve possibly been engaged or married by now if we weren’t such cowards in college?!”
You giggle at his annoyed look and nod. “Yes, you dummy. I can’t believe us,” you say and Seokjin huffs. “I can’t believe I let you go on all those dates with Chanyeol,” he pouts and your heart starts to ache for his adorable pout. “He even kissed you, held your hand and hugged you for an entire semester!” Seokjin starts to rant, and you laugh, knowing he’s not going to stop talking.
“How could I let him buy you that shitty coffee at the café when I knew how to make it better than those baristas? How could I let him give you those flowers that wilted after a day-” your lips shut him up and he stops talking.
His eyes widen and his ears redden again. “You’re talking too much, Jinnie. I didn’t even like Chanyeol that much,” you lead him away from the dance floor and out onto the balcony outside.
The cool spring breeze blows softly in the night and before you could even react, Seokjin drapes his coat around you. He rubs your covered shoulders in an attempt to warm you up and you smile at him. He makes you face him and before you could say anything, he leans down and kisses you softly.
You smile into the kiss and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His arms wrap around your waist tightly. He tilts his head so he can kiss you better and if it weren’t for his arms around you, your knees would’ve given up on you.
“I love you,” Seokjin whispers, when you break away for air. His lips are still brushing against yours gently, and you give him another short, sweet kiss.
“I love you too.”
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vii.
1 year later
“Gucci, come here!” You call out, and the overly energetic Maltese puppy jumps onto your lap, his tail wagging excitedly and his tongue sticking out. You stroke his hair and scratch his head happily, the puppy leaning into you.
“Ah, you’re so adorable, baby,” you coo, nuzzling your face in his neck. You hear the door opening and a smile crawls up your face. 
“Aish, I can’t believe I bought my girlfriend a puppy for her birthday so she wouldn’t feel lonely when I’m away and now I have to fight said puppy for my girlfriend’s attention because apparently she loves him more than she loves me,” Seokjin announces, walking into your apartment. 
You remove your head from Gucci’s neck and let go of the puppy, who barks happily and runs over to Seokjin, jumping up and down. “Hey, you’re home,” you greet and Seokjin bends down to greet Gucci with a few head scratches.
He walks over to you and you lean up, kissing him on the lips. “I missed you,” he whispers and you grin, pulling him on the couch. You lie back down and he crawls on top of you, his arms resting on both sides of your head. He presses a kiss to your forehead, and you lean up to kiss his jaw.
“Can you not go away for more than a week?” You ask, cupping his face as he adjusts the two of you on the couch so that you’re cuddling. You lie on his arm as he entangles your legs together.
“I’ll try not to, but I really can’t help it, babe.” He kisses you again and you hum, burying your face in his neck.
You love it. You love the lazy days with Seokjin on weekends, but you love the days that he comes home after business trips more. “What did you wanna do this weekend?” He asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence and you look up at him. You purse your lips and look up in thought.
“I don’t know, but we have to take Gucci to the groomer’s though,” you say and the puppy comes running back, jumping on the couch to squeeze himself in between you. Seokjin groans and you giggle.
“He’s being too much. He’s had you all to himself the entire week!” Seokjin whines. You kiss his nose fondly. “I love you more though,” you point out and Seokjin grins.
“I miss sneaking into weddings with you,” you sigh, and Seokjin rubs your back comfortingly.
“Wanna sneak into another wedding again?” Seokjin sits up, pulling you up with him. Your eyes sparkle and Seokjin’s heart starts to pick up its pace. He nods and you squeal.
“Really? Where? When?” you ask and Seokjin reaches into his pocket.
“It’s not happening anytime soon, but I think it’s happening in 8 months or so,” he says and you look surprised. “Wow, how did you know about it this early? Is it someone you know?”
His hand comes out of his pocket and you raise an eyebrow at his clenched fist. “I don’t, but I’m just hoping it happens in 8 months,” he says and you laugh. “Jinnie, you’re not making any sense.” He smiles and lets out a shaky exhale.
You gasp because Seokjin’s suddenly kneeling in front of you, and in his hand is a velvet box. He opens the small box and a shiny, diamond ring greets you.
“I met you in the summer, when we both snuck into a wedding. We didn’t know each other that well but we clicked and the next thing I knew, I was sharing an apartment with you the entire time I was in college,” Seokjin begins, his eyes watering slightly. 
“You kissed me first when we were in our third year, and you still kissed me first last year when we finally had the guts to admit we were both in love with each other. Y/N, I ruined Yoongi’s proposal last year so that’s why I’m doing this here, and now. I don’t trust myself enough to be able to pull off something extravagant like Yoongi. But I hope this is enough to let you know that I really want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t wanna sneak into weddings anymore, because I want to have our own. I know a year ago I said I was worried about ending up alone and raising fifty cats, but you told me that I already have you and Gucci isn’t a cat.” You chuckle, the tears falling down.
“Do you wanna do the same things we did for Yoongi and Y/F/N’s wedding last year again but this time, for our wedding, with me? Will you marry me?” Seokjin asks and you don’t waste another moment. You kneel down in front of him, nodding and hugging him.
“Yes, Seokjin. Yes, I’ll marry you,” you answer and Seokjin wastes no time to slip the ring on your finger. He brings your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss there, his tears falling on your knuckles. You let out a watery laugh, and he looks up, kissing you on the lips.
“I love you, Y/N. I always have.”
“I love you too, Seokjin. Let’s get married.”
Gucci barks up in excitement and your moment is broken as the puppy starts to wiggle his way in between you, again.
“Are we gonna raise fifty dogs instead?” You ask Seokjin and he shakes his head immediately, making you laugh.
“I’m not competing for your love and attention with 50 dogs, Y/N.” Seokjin states firmly.
“But, Jinnie!”
“No.”
“Can we have a kid instead?”
“Well, I can’t say no to that.”
“I love you, Kim Seokjin.”
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⇒ let me know what you think or hmu with anything under the sun here!
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kingofstag · 4 years
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meetings have biscuits: part 1
hey guys okay I was gonna do a proper analysis of episode 3 of killing eve but im tired from finals and I have a lot of feelings so im just gonna geek out, disclaimer I know nothing these r my own thoughts
the relationship between eve and villanelle just becomes more complex and more intriguing with every episode. I swear I've never seen a show that dares to challenge the complexity of attraction this way. i love eve’s refusal to openly acknowledge her own moral ambiguity and the fact that villanelle isn’t even responsible for its existence, though she is a stressor. vilanelles is just a physical affirmation that eve is in fact abnormal and the life she’d been leading is one that is worth abandoning. from the beginning she’s been struggling between being powerless to her curiosity and maintaining control. she’s always fighting between what she should do, the life she should live, the husband she should love. she’s been living a life that would be traditionally fulfilling to someone else then villanelle entered the picture and she instantly diverged from her practiced normalcy. something that struck me as such a connecting trait between villanelle and eve was how bored they are (I'll explain). 
villanelle openly states this, (I forget the episode in season two; when she’s pretending to be in group therapy for drugs) that she’s bored and struggling for an inkling of fascination in anything and while eve never openly states the same, it’s quite obvious in her actions. her relationship to her husband (pre-season 3) was fine but lacking any real emotional substance. their back and forth is, while comical, empty. the exception to this (again idk the episode number but its in season 2) is when their relationship diverts from the norm. nico incites eve’s curiosity with the question “do you want me to love your or frighten you?” to which she responds she’s not sure. 
this exchange, in my opinion, is the most lively we’ve ever seen eve in the presence of her husband; and it is only because he’s incited her curiosity. (seriously someone find this episode it’s very good) nico, for once, asserts a dominance eve is unfamiliar with, to which eve responds with submission. preceding this moment, we have seen similar instances in which she toes the line of moral ambiguity in favor of seeing how elastic the confines of her control are. my point is, eve is a heavily complicated character who is endlessly juggling deprivation, boredom, and curiosity. and that’s exactly what I feel she shares with villanelle. 
kinda went on a tangent there but yeah back to my main point: the bus scene
the power dynamics within this scene seem to juggle interchangeably between the two of them. villanelle is highly narcissistic and entered the situation with a probable outcome already in her mind. though what she hadn’t accounted for was eve’s ability to deviate from the norm. something to note as well from eve’s perspective during this scene is that previously (before villanelle entered the bus) her state of mind seemed scattered. the environment of the bus was hectic as well as the personal chaos she was experiencing trying to locate nico. but when she catches sight of villanelle, she ceases action and observance. 
she only perceives villanelle. even the sounds from the outside world become mute. now of course what comes next is eve lashing out towards villanelle in a rather disorganized fashion, as if she wasn’t even sure what kind of harm she intended to inflict. it seems very instinctual and there isn’t even any dialogue past her shrieking, which seems to be an effective enough communicator. something to note that’s so significant about this pair is their habit of ignoring their surroundings and allowing their focus to single-handedly be held by the other. the outside world becomes irrelevant, people become irrelevant. this is hilariously apparent when they’re fighting and using innocent bystanders as landing pads for their aggression. further than that the act of initiating a fight in a closed space such as a bus is such a single-minded pursuit to begin with. 
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