Comin’ Out
Dear Friend,
Coming out was such a life-changing experience for me. Obviously. I came out to my friends in college because I saw them everyday. When I came home, I knew I had to come out to my family. This was the SCARIEST moment in my entire life. There were so many thoughts going through my head. . . “What if they kick me out?” “What if they don’t accept me?” “What if my mom and dad never talk to me again?”
I took this step by step.
First, I told my little sister. I texted her and I explained how I was feeling and what I believe is going on. Her response? It may shock you. It shocked me. She said, and I quote, “C, I have known my whole life.” You did what now? You knew?! In my head I thought, “How did you know and I didn’t even know? Wait, did I secretly know and just couldn’t admit it to myself? Probably... Damn.” She was so supportive. I told her my fear of telling our mom and dad. She told me that they would be supportive and accepting because they have been that way our whole lives.
So, next I traveled home to see my mom first. I was so nervous. My palms were so sweaty and my heart was beating so hard I swore I was going to have a heart attack at 21. When I explained to her what I was feeling and what was going on I finally told her “I am gay.” She paused. She looked at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said, and again I quote, “My girl, I have known for a while. I have been waiting for you to tell me. Every time I thought you were about to tell me you told me about some boy. . . ” WHAT?! Am I the ONLY one that didn’t freakin’ know?! She then proceeded to explain to me that she has known since I was in about 8th grade. . . 8TH GRADE!? Oh come on! She told me the story of how I could NOT stop talking about this girl that I met during that time in my life and how beautiful she was. She got the gist.
Lastly, it was my dad that I had to tell now. Not only did I have to go through all the anxiety again but I had to drive all the way to his house and my mom called him as I was on my way there to “update him on the news”. When I got to my dads, I was crying. I was upset but happy at the same time. But also full of anxiety and panic. A lot of emotions go into coming out, let me tell you. It’s freakin’ exhausting! My dad said with open arms for a hug, “Hi, you’re okay. Do you feel better getting all that crap off your chest now?”
Yup, I sure damn do dad!
The lesson from coming out: Trust your gut. Start off slow with the people you trust the most. Explain all your feelings and understand that it is okay if people don’t accept you. If they don’t accept you for who you are it means that they didn’t truly care about you in the first place. You are not alone in this process and having a support system is so important. Your support system could be 100’s of people, 10’s of people or just 1. And that is COMPLETELY okay!
-C
6 notes
·
View notes
A Story Of Stardust
I’m going to tell you a story, but we are not going to find out how it ends. I don’t even know how it ends. As we are different people, our stories will be different, and so will the endings. I’m just here to tell it.
One time, there was you, and you were just a speck of stardust. Swirling around with other flecks, other pieces, other building blocks, other stars, other galaxies, and there was you. You. In all of it. And you decided to go. You decided to come to Earth. You thought, Let’s see why everyone is always going there. Of all these places to choose, why choose Earth? Then, you were born. It wasn’t this time. It was many times ago. You chose a very specific life that you thought would give you some interesting experiences.
So, long ago, you were born. You had a mother and a father. They sure did want to take care of you, but money had already been invented by then so your father had to go. He had to go to get work, and he would send the money back. You wouldn't see him very often anymore. So, your mother did her very best to take care of you. To provide you what you needed. To be strong and to be both parents for you. She had help because there were other people she knew in the village. So, they helped too. Everything was still okay. And then, you met someone.
You fell in love and wanted to grow old together. You wanted to travel the world maybe, or maybe, you just wanted to stay home and create a family. Your father never really did come home. You don't know what happened, it was hard to communicate back then. Surely you should've gotten the message, but a message never came. And so, when the day came, that this person you fell in love with said they wanted to go to make more money to send home, you said no. You said no, because you wanted to see them everyday until forever. And they said, “Well how can I see you everyday until forever, when we don’t even know what forever looks like?” And you responded, “I’ll show you.” You grew old together, and you never had to part. Not for more than a day. You grew very old, and you fell asleep together one afternoon, a nice nap. That was it. That was the first one.
Back you went to all these little specks. All these little pieces of stardust. All of them look the same, yet all of them look infinitely different. All you know, is that you wanna try again. So, you come back. This time, you were born to a family that is very rich. You tell yourself, “Okay, no one will have to go away if we already have all the money we will ever need.” You have a mother, and you have a father. You have an aunt, and you have an uncle. They all lived with you.
One day, you were walking along the edges of your estate and you see someone. You've never seen them before, or have you? There’s something about them. You don't really think about it, since you're still a little kid, and they're a little kid. And you don't really think about things like that, do you? But the next day, you see them again. You say ,“Hello.” They say, “Hello.” You say, “Have we met?” They say, “I don't know.” And somehow, that just struck up a great friendship. In this friendship you played everyday, you laughed, you cried, you told jokes, you shared your deepest darkest secrets. As you got older, you never drifted apart. Then, you found someone to fall in love with in a different way. With your friend it was a bond that would never be broken. You met your partner, and you married. Your best friend met their partner, and they married. You always stayed in the same city together. When you wanted to travel, you went and traveled. And then one day, something went wrong. You got sick. Your best friend was taking care of you. And you said, “We’re best friends forever.” And they said, “Forever? We don't know what forever looks like.” And you said, “I’ll show you.” Then you were gone.
They were still there, and they lived, much longer. They never stopped missing you. You were a fleck of stardust, once again. Floating around, and you thought, Maybe I should wait. I don't know how long I’ll have to wait. I don't want to do this without them. Somewhere. Somewhere they're out there. And you waited. And you waited. And all the other flecks, they all looked the same. And yet, infinitely different. And then, you felt it. There they were. And you said, “lets go again.” And they said, “I’m so tired, I've missed you so much, but I need to rest.” And you said, “I’ll wait.” And they said, “Go on without me.” And you said, “Okay. Will you be here when I get back?” And they said, “I’ll wait for you forever.” And so you lived a life and you didn't see them, you didn't find them, but you met new souls. You met new people, of all shapes and sizes and colors, but it didn't really matter. Because back, back in that place, we all look the same, and yet, infinitely different. You can tell when you see them again, all these different people that you met. People, and cats, and dogs, and other plants and animals and creatures. After a long life, where you did many things and met many people, you went back to that space.
You were stardust. Stardust among other stardusts. You remembered them. They said, “Ready? Do you wanna go again?” And you said, “Yes, and I wanna bring my other friends too.” And they said, “Okay, We’ll all go together. I’ll meet them, and I’m sure I’ll love them too.” And you said, “They will. They’ll love you too, and you'll love them.”
And so, you lived more lives. All different kinds of lives. And now, you decided to go to this one. And in this life, you said, “Will I see you?” And your old, old friend who is sometimes your friend, sometimes your partner, sometimes your parent, sometimes a neighbor, any kind of person you meet said, “Lets make it a surprise.” And you said, “Then how will I know? You’ve had so many faces, how will I know its you?” And they said, “Well, we’ll figure it out, won't we.”
And so, here you've been going through your life. Maybe you've met them. Maybe you've met some of your other friends. Maybe you haven't met them yet. But they're there. And they're very excited to see you. But they don't remember. And you don't remember. You don't remember being stardust. They don't remember being stardust. But you’ll meet, just like every time. It’ll be a hug, and it will feel like home. It’s gonna be okay.
I hope you are my stardust.
1 note
·
View note