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lovrre · 1 year

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Lost and found~ part 1

Crack baby by mitski ♫

Pre-outbreak Joel miller and post-oubreak Joel miller x Fem reader

Prt2 <<here

Word count: 3k

Warnings: cursing, lots of angst, a little fluffy in the beginning, and probably some other stuff.

Summary: you and Joel begin to plan your future together, but there's a secret you're just not ready to tell him yet, you're pregnant. When You and Joel get separated on outbreak day, you see him again after 20 years but now your secret is all grown up.

Author’s note: this part is really the warm up for part two that's going to get more into the relationship between Joel and his new kid and his kids relationship with Ellie. Also I wrote this all to Crack baby by mitski.

Sunday, September 25th, 2003, 12:15 Am, Austin, Texas

You and Joel sat on the couch, you let your legs sprawl over his lap as you two watched TV. You took a bite of the cookie you stole from the fridge and leaned over to give Joel a bite. “Open,” you say, pressing the cookie to his lips. Joel obeys, opening his mouth and taking a bite before returning his attention to the show. “Hmm, where did you get that,” he asks, gesturing for another bite, you smile, bringing the cookie back to his mouth.

“ It was in the fridge,” you say, laughing at the way he took a second bite. Joel goes to turn the channel and you stop him. “No, I like this one!” You say, gesturing to the little ballerinas on screen, practicing their Plié. “ They're so cute… When me and Nia were kids we wanted to be ballerinas and I mean so, so bad. We would buy tutus with our spare money, and we begged our mom every day for about a year to sign us up for classes” you say, finishing up the last piece of the cookie. “ It was that or a hairdresser”

“Did she ever sign you up?” Joel asks you shake your head, moving a bit closer, so you’re sitting on his lap.“nope, but good thing she didn't if I had become a famous ballerina I would be somewhere dancing instead of with you” you say, leaning over and planting a kiss on his lips.

“What I'm not good enough for a ballerina?” Joel asks, looking up at you with a smile on his face, his lips inches away from yours. “ You are for this one,” you say, giving him a small kiss on his lips. When you finish, Joel readjusts himself on the couch slightly but doesn't move you. “When I was younger I wanted to be a singer,” Joel says, turning to you, not a hit of humor on his face. You hold back your laughter “hmm” you say, pressing your lips into a tight smile, desperately trying to keep your composure. “What’s funny?” Joel asks his face bunching up in confusion “nothing”

~~~~~

An hour later

“JOEL, DON’T!” You say, putting your hands over your pizza, “you already had three” he says, trying to grab at it. “Sarah, are you going to let him do this?” you ask, turning to her for help. “Sorry, this is a couple

quarrel, not my business,” she says, walking out of the kitchen. “ JOEL, STOP, YOUR FAT ASS DOSE NOT NEED ANYMORE,” you scream as he comes over to literally wrestles with you over it. “I'm not giving it to you,” you say with a stern tone. “ I ain't asking,” Joel says, trying to take it from you. You pull your arm far behind you where he can't reach. “I’ll cough on it,” you say, holding it up close to your mouth. “Do it” you do exactly what he says, coughing all over the pizza. Before you can do anything, Joel Is kissing you, he takes advantage of your confusion, and he snatches the pizza right out of your hand and begins eating it, Taking large obnoxious bites.

You watch him disgusted. “you’re disgusting, I literally coughed all over that, I hope you get sick,” you say, still staring at him annoyed. “ After all I’ve done with that mouth, you think I care about a little cough,” he says with a smile, leaning against the sink and taking another bite. You roll your eyes, “why are you so nasty…?” you say, making a face as if you had something unpleasant in your mouth. Joel puts down what’s left of the pizza on the counter before walking toward you. “ You made me this way baby,” he says in a very fake thick country accent, that reminded you a bit of Elvis, you laugh, pushing him out of your personal space. “Don’t do that” you laugh, shaking your head in disapproval.

“ What baby, you don’t like this voice on me?” he says, leaning in for a kiss, Still using the funny accent. “ GET AWAY FROM ME,” you say, pushing his face away, trying to run out of his grasp. Joel follows behind, chasing you through the house, You make it to the living room before Joel grabs you, throwing you over his shoulder. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU” you scream, punching and kicking at his chest. “ Little lady, I gotta get you down to the station,” He says, making his way up the stairs with you over his shoulder. “ You're so weird,” you say, giving up On the fight

You get to the top of the steps and Joel almost trips. You laugh, “c’mon on cowboy, you can do it,” you say, slapping his butt. Joel makes a funny gasping sound and You both break out into silent laughter, trying to be quiet in case Sarah was sleeping. “GOOD NIGHT GUYS!” Sarah yells through her closed bedroom.

“Good night baby girl” Joel replies, still walking to his bedroom, you still over his shoulder. “Good night, Sarah,” you say before Joel opens his bedroom door, kicking it close with his feet once you two are inside.

Sunday, September 25th, 2003

8:32 Am

Joel wakes up in bed, the sun shining through the windows and onto his face. He rolls over, hoping to feel your body next to his, but instead was greeted with the feeling of cold bunched-up sheets. He sits up, rubbing his hand over his face and letting out a sigh. He looks over at the clock. It’s 8:32 he assumed you’ve probably gone home to get ready for work.

Walking down the stairs, he hears laughter coming from the living room. “You’re out!” you yell. Joel turns the corner to see you and Sarah playing what seems to be a makeshift Dance, Dance revolution with arrows made from tape on the floor. “YOU’RE CHEATING OH MY GOD” Sarah yells “no I said left, left, up, down, right, left, you went up twice,” you say, pointing to the arrows as you talk. “ NO, I WENT DOWN!” Sarah says, pointing to the arrow. “Proof?” you ask, a smile spreading across your face,

Sarah pushes you Lightly on Your shoulder and you both laugh, Sarah stops laughing before you, noticing Joel behind you “oh hi dad,” Sarah says. You turn around and see Joel standing in the entranceway with a big smile on his face. “Good morning ”

You walk over to him, leaving a kiss on his cheek before walking to the kitchen. “We made breakfast, well, Sarah made breakfast I made eggs,” you say, pouring a cup of coffee. “That’s probably for the best,” Joel says, sitting down at the table, Sarah rolls her eyes and pulls out a chair, and sits next to him. You made Joel a cup of coffee too, placing it in front of him before sitting down in your chair. “Thanks,” he says before going back to what he was about to say, “You took off from work today?” Joel asks, taking a sip of the coffee you gave him.

“Yeah I wasn’t feeling well, but I work tomorrow, I get off around six, so I’ll stop by, so we can do something” you take a sip of your coffee before continuing. “Tomorrow is the big day, anything particular you want,” you ask smiling into your mug. “This is good, all of us together,” Joel says, smiling at the two of you, his words hang in the air for a second before Sarah speaks. “oh god he’s gone soft,” Sarah says, looking in your direction “I know right? He couldn’t have said cologne or something” you both laughs. Joel rolls his eyes, “remind me not to be honest with you two”.

“Will do” Sarah replies, grabbing her fork to finish her plate from earlier. You hear a dog barking outside, and it reminds you of your own “Oh my god what time is it” you say, jumping up abruptly. Joel looks at his bare arm before remembering his watch is broken. His eyes search for the clock on the wall. “It’s nine o'clock – what’s the issue, I thought you were off today?”

“I am, I have to go home and feed Luna,” you say, walking over to the front door and putting on your shoes. “You can’t stay a little longer,” Sarah asks, making a funny lip pout, “I wish I could honey, but I’ve been here almost a whole two days and totally forgot to ask my neighbor to feed her” Sarah takes a sad bite of eggs. “ I’ll be back tomorrow after you come from school, actually if you call me early enough I’ll drop you off,” you say, finally getting your shoe over your back heel. “ You swear?” Sarah asks, raising an eyebrow,“ I swear” you say, walking back over to kiss her on the head. You stretch over her and leave one on Joel’s as well. “See you, tomorrow babe,” you say before running out the door.

When you’ve been gone a minute, Sarah speaks. “When Are you going to marry her?” Joel damn near choked on his coffee. “What?” Joel asks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’ve been dating for almost two years, you still don’t live together, and you’re not engaged yet. What are you doing ?” Joel goes silent for a second before speaking. “ I don’t know…things seem good how they are, I don’t wanna mess that up,” he says, getting up from the table to make himself a plate of the now-cold French toast. “ You just might do that if you keep waiting, you better hope she wants to wait around a hundred years for a ring”

“ You talk too much,” Joel says, sitting down at the table with his plate. “ I’m just not saying what you want to hear,” Sarah says, taking another bite of eggs. The door opens, and their heads turn, it’s Tommy. “ Y’all have to start locking this door,” Tommy says, jiggling the handle. “ Hi uncle Tommy, me and y/n made breakfast. There should be a little left if you want some,” Sarah says,

“ I just came to pick up my tools from the garage. I’m not staying long—wait, Joel, can you hand me the cookies wrapped in aluminum foil in the back of the fridge with the sticky note” Joel stays silent for a second before answering. “The chocolate ones?” “Yeah,” Tommy replied, already afraid of where this was going. “The cookies?” Joel asked, preparing his apology, already in his head. “Yeah” Tommy replied

“My bad, me and Y/N ate those” Tommy looks at Joel, slightly worried. “Joel those were edibles” Sarah lets out a laugh “that explains it,” she says, trying to finish chewing her food, so she can speak. “They were running through here like a bunch of kids,” Joel thinks for a second before talking, “Tommy, why the hell did you-“Tommy speed walks out of the kitchen to the garage “We’ll talk about this later!” Joel yells, standing up to put his mug in the sink, “we need to take away his key”.

“It’s not like we lock the door,” Sarah laughs, getting up to put her plate in the sink.

~~~

Monday, September 26th, 2003

7:30 am

Sarah balances the phone in the crook of her shoulder while brushing her teeth “hello, y/n, I’m almost ready you can come ”she says, mostly muffled from the toothbrush. “Ok, I’m on my way right now,” you say and hang up the phone. Sarah does the same, placing it on the side of the sink.

You pull up outside Joel’s and debate going inside, the news you got yesterday making you a little unsure. You honk the horn and Joel comes outside, walking towards the car. He looks good, fresh like he just got out of the shower. You roll down the window, ”hey birthday boy, you look good ” you whistle. “Good morning baby,” Joel says with a wide smile, ducking his head through the window to leave a quick kiss on your lips

“Sarah’s almost finished, she's looking for her shoes,” he says, leaning on the car a bit. “ Can I get in, I wanna ask you something,” he says, moving back a bit, “Yeah, yeah of course you say. Unlocking the car door, Joel walks around and jumps in the passenger seat, he smells really good, probably because he used the cologne you got him last year on his birthday. He leans the seat all the way back, the way he likes to do when you too are having long car conversations. “What’s up,” you ask, a little worried for some reason, watching him look up at you for the seat.

“Do you think I would be a good husband,” Joel says plainly. You instantly relax at the question, you shake your head. “No, you’d be a terrible husband…” you say in a serious tone. “Really?” Joel asks, sitting up. You smile, “Ya, you’re way too thoughtful and kind to caring, wayyyy too good of a father, you would be a horrible husband. Joel's body relaxed and he laughs, “What about me, would I be a good wife?” You ask, the weird feeling of worry creeping back slightly. “ No you’d be a horrible wife, you’re wayyy too beautiful, too kind, I’d love you too much,” he says, laying back down in the seat.

His words hang in the air as you two sit in a moment of comfortable silence. “But if I’m being serious, I think you’d be a great wife” you involuntarily smile at his words

“you’re great with Sarah, you’re understanding, we barely fight. It’s good with you”

“Is this a proposal?” You joke, and Joel goes quiet. “ It could be,” he says, all his attention on you. Your heart feels like it drops for a second, “you wanna get married?” You ask, a little surprised. “ I understand if you ar-,” Joel asks, seconds away from stumbling over his words. “— No, no, no, Joel, I want to marry you,” you say, making it very clear you are serious. “ I just didn’t think you were ready yet, I know you’ve been married before, and I didn’t want to rush you”

“ I rushed into my first marriage, I was young and got married for the wrong reasons,” he says, still looking intently at you. “So you want to marry me?” You say again, shock still running through you. “When?” you question, excitement starting to enter your body. “Whenever, unless you want a big wedding,” Joel asks. “ I don’t have much family you know it’s only me and Nia, most of the seats would be empty,” you say, letting out a dry laugh.

“ Ok then it can be small, sometime this week, maybe this month,” Joel says, without a hint of humor, in his voice. “ Oh my god, you really want to marry me” you laugh, your smile hurting your cheeks. “Yes I do, Y/N” Joel replied, a smile creeping up on his lips. “ Only you would propose like this,” you say, shaking your head. “I wanted to do something romantic, I did, but it just kept me up all night, I was starting to get so Damn impatient I almost called you up Twice last night and proposed right then”. You laugh at his cuteness. “ Well my answer is yes,” you say, leaning over leaving a small sensual kiss on his lips.

The back car door opens, and you both look back to see Tommy plopping down on the seat. “ Oh, Tommy's here…” you say unenthusiastically. “Sarah's still looking for them damn shoes - am I interrupting something?” Tommy asks, looking between the two of you. “I proposed,” Joel said, looking back a Tommy, “you’re fucking with me” you shake your head and Tommy instantly lights up. “CONGRATS BROTHER, I DIDIN’T THINK YOU HAD I’T IN YOU,” he says, patting Joel on the back. “I thought it be a lifetime before he snagged you up,” Tommy says looking at you, “me too,” you say, smiling.

Joel doesn’t say anything else, taking a big gulp of the coffee that was in your cup holder.

“ If we’re being honest, I should be the one getting married, I mean I did know you first, the better Miller brother is right here if you change your Mind,” Tommy says jokingly a hint a truth behind his words. You did know him first an Tommy did have a brief thing for you years ago. “Nah… Tommy I don’t think you’d look good in the dress,” you say, trying very hard not to laugh. “I think he’d look more like a male-order bride,” Joel says, looking at you while putting back down your coffee, “emphasis on the male” you joke as soon as the words leave your lips, and you break out into laughter. “I changed my mind, you two are perfect for each other,” Tommy says, unamused before opening the car door and getting out. “Please Ask Sarah to hurry up, we’re late” you yell at Tommy right before he closes the door behind him.

You watch Sarah run out of the house seconds later, you lean In kissing Joel goodbye. “Love you, see you later,” you say as he gets out of the car. “ love you too,” he replies, ducking his head back into the open window for another kiss. “shit, I almost forgot… I have something to tell you” you shake your head, your courage instantly fleeting “never mind I’ll tell you tonight”.

“ Ok see ya, baby,” Joel says, hitting the car before walking back to the house. Sarah gives her dad a wave before jumping into the passenger seat. “ Girl, what took you so long?” You say, starting the car back up “I couldn’t find my shoes anywhere and when I did, they were in the wash, I tried to blow-dry them, but they're still wet” Sarah says, struggling with her seatbelt. You think for a second before answering. “Look in the back I should have some converses or something back there, I think we’re around the same size.

Sarah climbs over the seat and searches under the passenger side chair. “Found them,” she says before pulling out a pair of shoes and throwing them on. After she’s finished tying them, she climbs back over the seat, putting on her seatbelt.

“ I’m going to fix dad’s watch for his birthday,” Sarah tells you, looking at the passing cars. “ With who's money?” you asked confused, “his” Sarah replies, still looking at the cars. “ How are you going to gift someone something they paid for” Sarah shrugs. “You could have asked me,”

You say quickly looking over at her. “ But it's funnier if he paid for it,” you think for a second before answering. “ It is”

“What did you get him for his birthday” Sarah asks turning to you. you go silent at the realization that the real “gift” was growing inside you. “ It’s a secret” you say kee you eyes on the road

~~~

You drop Sarah off at school and hand her five dollars for lunch. “bring me back one of those muffins from the cafeteria” you yell as she walks towards the school entrance. “Chocolate?” she yells, turning around to walk backward, so she faces you. “Yeah” you reply and she turns around. You watch to make sure she enters the school before driving off.

You get into work late and your manager forces you to work a double. You spend your whole day thinking about what your wedding with Joel would be like. After work, you stopped at home to change into some cuter clothes before going to Joel's house. The News anchor was still going on about a virus, the Same stuff He’d been talking about all day. You lay down for what feels like a second, just trying to relax, the News anchor’s voice slowly fading into the background.

~~~~

Tuesday, September 27th, 2003

2:30 Am

You wake up to the annoying ringing of your phone, your eyes flutter open, and you jump up at the realization that you fell asleep. Your eyes land on your clock on the bedside table that reads 2:30. “Shit, shit, shit” you repeat, frantically searching for your ringing phone under your pillow and on the nightstand, You had slept through Joel's birthday and missed the perfect time to tell him. Frustrated you make your way to the floor to look for your phone. You found it between the nightstand and your bed. Finally, answer the phone.

“Hello?” You say, slightly out of breath.

“Y/N?” Sarah asks, worry coating her voice. “ yeah- you alright sweetheart, you sound scared” you reply, standing up from the floor and sitting on the bed. “Yeah, I woke up and Dad wasn’t here, I was wondering if he was with you, all the channels were off on the TV and I keep hearing helicopters ”. She says, her voice still sounding shaky “No, he’s not, but I can call him, Do you need me to come over?” You ask, already walking towards your bedroom door.

“Can you?” She whispers, you leave your bedroom and walk towards your front door, putting on your shoes. “Yeah, of course, I'm on my way right now, stay in the house and lock the doors”. You say, walking back to your bedroom to get your purse.

“Ok, see you soon” and with that, you hang up the phone and dial Joel’s number, but You only get his voicemail. “ You have reached the voice mail of… “Joel Miller”, please leave a message at the tone”.

“ Hey, baby it's Y/N sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I accidentally passed out as soon as I got home, Sarah just called me looking for you, she sounded really worried so I'm on my way to your house right now, please call me back when you get a chance.”

Tuesday, September 27th, 2003

3:25 Am

“Hello?” You called out, opening the unlocked door, the house is completely empty. You walk halfway up the stairs and called out again. “ Sarah?” No response, so you walk up the stairs, “Joel?” still no response. You Open Sarah's bedroom Door and are greeted by more nothing, you walk further in the room and a muffin on her table next to a birthday card for Joel catches your attention, It's not chocolate, but you can tell it's from Sarah's school, likely the one you asked her for yesterday.

You walk out of her bedroom and into Joel’s, the windows are open, letting in the moonlight. You walk closer to the window, the cold air and the sound of sirens coming through, you could see the whole town up there. Your phone rings in your pocket, and you quickly fumble to answer. “ Y/N?” your body relaxes at the sound of his voice. “Joel?”

“Y/N were all ok, The highways packed were driving past the old movie theater,” Joel says, spitting out his words a mile a minute. Looking out the window, you can see a plane flying very low over the builds near the plaza where the old theater should be. “Joel… where are you again?” you say, fear racing through your body at the thought. “JOEL” He doesn't answer, and your heart starts beating harder in your chest, “JOEL WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU” you scream “where almost out of the plaza meet us about a mile down keep your pho-”

“JOEL! ” you scream, watching the plane seconds away from crashing into town. “SHIT, TOMMY MOVE MOVE MOV-” Joel yells from the other side of the phone, all you hear is a crash as the line goes silent.

“JOEL JOEL! ” you scream, tears running down your face. The silence feels like it’s surrounding you, the last seconds of the call reply in your ear like a recording. You stand completely still staring out the window for what felt like hours in disbelief at what you just saw and heard. When You finally get the courage to move, a blue velvet box catches your eye. It sticks out like a sore thumb on Joel’s messy dresser, A part of You already knew what it was, but your brain told you that you needed to open it. Even though if it was what you thought it was, it would make everything real. You slowly opened the box, your heart beating louder in your ears with each passing second.

It’s an engagement ring, the perfect engagement ring, your engagement ring from Joel. Tears in your eyes, you examine the ring band, on the inside, there’s writing “My Ballerina” Suddenly everything hits you, You let out the most blood cuddling sub as you fall to your knees holding on to the ring box.

Thursday, December 18th,2023

2:12 pm, Jackson, Wyoming

20 years later

Rae bends down, grabbing her book bag off the floor and rummaging through it frantically on the bed. Her best friend sits on a chair in the corner of the room, bouncing a ball off the wall and into his hand. “ What the hell are you looking for,” August says, continuing to bounce the ball off the wall. “My mom wants that damn picture of my dad, I think I put it in my bag somewhere,” Rae says, dumping the contents of the bag out on the bed. “Does she not have another picture?” August asks confused.

“ Yeah somewhere, but she gets in a way about this picture, I rather find it, I don’t feel like hearing her mouth right now,” Rae says picking through all the stuff on the bed. “I mean, does your mom even yell… I’ve never heard her raise her voice” August says, no longer playing with the ball, his attention on Rae’s frantic movements. “ Oh she yells,” Rae says, walking to the closet to look through her coat pocket, she rummages for a second. “Found it,” Rae says, taking the picture out of her coat pocket to examine it before putting it back and sliding on her coat. “Is your mom cooking tonight?” August asks, putting back on his jacket that was laying on your bed. “ probably not, she's in one of her moods today. I'm starting to worry again, she’s so stuck in the Damn past, all she does is talk about him” Rae says, zipping up her coat.

“Your Dad?” August asks, zipping up his jacket, “yeah, I know she loved him, but it's been twenty years now, she has to move on eventually. But in her defense it’s been a lot recently, Tommy coming here, finding out he’s alive and then finding out my dad’s alive… That just made it worse, I hate to say it, but I think it was better when she thought he was dead” Rae says, walking out of the room down the steps, August follows close behind. “ So if I died today, you would stop caring 20 years from now?” August asks, a cocky smile on his face. “ I love that, that's what you gathered from that….” Rae says, continuing down the stairs. “So…would you?” “Most likely” Rae states plainly

“ Wow, and to think I was gonna make you the godmother of my future children,” August says sarcastically, shaking his head side to side. “I wouldn't want to be the godmother of your ugly ass kids anyway,” Rae says, walking into the living room.” Why do my kids have to be ugly?” August asked, slightly offended. “ Because anyone willing to lay with your ass has to be hideous” August doesn’t say anything, just looks at her slightly annoyed.

You’re sitting on the couch in the living room drinking Tea watching Rae and August bicker in the entryway, Rae shoves August before walking over and plopping down next to you. “ I found it,” Rae says, pulling a picture of Joel out of her pocket and handing it to you. “Thank you, baby,” you say, taking a good look at it before putting it down on the coffee table. “Where are you going?” you ask, gesturing to Rae's big coat. “Me and August are going to the dining hall, you want anything?” Rae asks, sitting up from the couch,“ actually, I think I'll go. I should probably get out of the house”. You saying standing up “thank god” Rae whispers under her breath. “What was that?” you ask raising a brow. ”nothing” Rae replies giving you a tightlipped smile.

~~~

You’re in line with Rae getting food, she stays quiet for a while, taking time to think about what she would say. “I was thinking Me, you, and August go hunting tomorrow look for some deer,” Rae says, walking down the line with you. There’s a bit of silence as you consider your reply, “I don't know Depends on how I'm feeling-you want some corn” You ask, holding the spoon towards her plate, “I’m good-mom do you seriously intend to stay in That house doing nothing forever” Rae asks moving farther down the line. “Yes,” you say, letting out a dry laugh

“ Mom, It's not funny,” Rae says, her tone turning serious, stopping completely, so you both are entirely still in line. “I'm starting to worry…nowadays, you don't do anything but mope, It's affecting your health, It's Affecting me it's Affect-” You cut her off “-I hear you, I hear, ok I'll go hunting,” you say knowing that there's not one bone in your body that desires to do that. “ I promise I'll be ok, you'll be ok and my health will be ok” you laugh. “ See, that’s my moma,” Rae says, a smile spreading across her face as she looks at the smile on your own. Your heart warms at the words, and you think to yourself, maybe it might be easier to try to move on for everyone else.

You two walk a little farther down the line, just inches away from the end. “You’re not gonna eat that,” you chuckle, watching Rae pile a heap of diced potatoes on the corner of her plate. “I am,” Rae says matter-of-factly, “ we’ll see” you reply unconvinced.” “Yes, we will see” Rae replies, getting ready to walk to the table, you stop her, placing your hand on her shoulder “wait-can you take my plate I want to see if they have any cups,” you say, handing Rae your plate.

“Sure,” She says, taking the plate and walking towards the table before stopping dead in her tracks, completely frozen in shock, your back facing her you don’t realize, and keeping searching for the cups. “I don’t see any over here, do you know where the extras are?” You ask, but there’s no answer. You stand on your tippy-toes looking over the counter for the cups “Rae?” you call out, but There's Still no reply “Girl I’m talking to you-” You say, turning around to scold Rae but are instantly stunned. Your eyes land on Joel Miller, after 20 years of life without him, you think you must be hallucinating, but you don't wipe your eyes or shake your head in fear that he might disappear. He looks the same but so different at the same time, he’s aged so much since you last time you saw him.

Only a couple of feet separate you two, but it feels like he's miles away. You wanna talk, you want to say something, but your mouth feels dry. Your heart thumps heavily. In Your chest, you can feel every thump and jerk in your body. Suddenly, your legs feel weak like your body is forgetting how to stand. “Joel?” you finally speak, you move a step forward and suddenly grow very dizzy. Before you can do anything to stop it everything goes black.

“ Y/N-” Joel looks like he’s going to rush you to your side, but debates it. Instead watching Rae curiously as she runs up and helps you. She lightly shakes you, gently slapping your face “Mom?” you don't answer, and she puts a finger under your nose to see if you’re breathing. “ She's breathing” Rae says letting out a sigh, relief. “TOMMY CAN YOU HELP ME!” Rae yells, and He comes out of thin air. Ellie comes up from the side of Joel, “ You know her ?” Ellie asks, confused, looking down at the scene. Joel doesn't say anything, the world going quiet around him as he watches Rae With curiosity. Her hair was braided in two French braids, but he could tell it was curly, like Sarahs but also like yours. she had a small button nose like you, but her eyes reminded him of his own. The possibility swarmed through his mind as he watched her.

“ ARE YOU GONNA HELP?” Rae yells at Joel, making him instantly snaps out of it, quickly bending down to help her pick you up. ”Bring her this way!” Tommy yells as Rae and Joel carry you. Tommy leads you guys to an empty house next door, where they place you on the couch. “ Tommy can you get a wet rag please,” Rae says, bending down to move your hair out your face. “ How often does this happen,” Joel says, looking down at you. “Too often,” Rae says, pulling off your shoes and placing them on the floor. “ Is something wrong with her?” Joel asks, worry bubbling in his gut. “We don’t know-thanks” Rae answers, taking the rag from Tommy and placing it on your head.

Joel watches Rae's every move, the resemblance is uncanny. He wonders if it’s just his old mind playing tricks on him, making him see similarities that aren’t really there. “ How old are you?,” Joel asks this question would confirm or deny his beliefs. “ Seventeen” Rae replies, not looking up from you. A part of Joel hopped for a different answer, Tommy looks at Rae confused. She says nothing, giving Tommy a look that tells him to shut up.

“Can you watch her?” Rae asks, looking at Joel “yeah I-” she cuts him off

“-Good, Tommy can I speak to you for a second?” Rae asks, gesturing for Tommy to come with Her into the room down the hall. Rae hurries him into the room, closing the door and lowering her voice before speaking “what the fuck is going on” Rae asks confusion and anger lacing her voice.

Tommy looks like he’s about to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. “ First it was he died with you when the plane crashed, it was hard, but after a while, mom accepted that. But then…you came here, we find out you and him survived minus Sarah ok… she was hurt but still had hope of seeing Him, then you tell her that he’s not coming here for some reason, Now he's here?” Rae says, her words coming out a mile a minute. “ Look I found out around the same time you did, I only found out earlier today. I had no idea he was coming,” Tommy says, trying to calm down your upcoming tangent.

~~~~

Nervous to get close, Joel watches your breath rise and fall from the corner of the room. Your eyes flutter open after a while, and You look around confused, taking the wet rag off your head. Your eyes land on Joel in the corner of the room, and you quickly sit up. You both don’t say anything, waiting for the other to go first. “Hi” you speak first, your voice barely above a whisper. “Hi,” Joel says, awkwardly, walking slightly closer, you really missed the sound of his voice. Your eyes start to blur, your feelings start to overwhelm your body. “I missed you so much” you sob, holding out your arms. Joel is beside you in a second, your arms around him in an embrace, you don't say anything else, crying into his shoulder, at the same time, taking in the smell of him that you missed so much.

“I know, I know” You hear Joel whisper, letting out quite a sob into your shirt. When you finally have the strength to pry yourself from the corner of Joel's shoulder, you look up at him with tear-filled eyes. He looks back at you with the same, you kiss him, savoring the feeling of his lips against yours. Something in the back of your head wondered if maybe he had a wife now or a kid, and you were overstepping by kissing him. But you didn't care, you didn’t care about the repercussions, only that you were with him at this moment.

~~~~

“What about the radio you told me about, he didn’t tell you he was coming on there?” Rae asks, trying to make sense of the situation. Tommy sighs, wiping his face with his hands. “ You know the rules Rae” Rae’s whole demeanor, changes at his word.“Tommy are you fucking kidding me… You didn't tell him I exist, or that my mom was alive because MARIA TOLD YOU TO STAY OFF THE FUCKING RADIO?” Rae says her vision starting to blur. She quickly calms herself down, wiping away the tears that were trying to form from anger. “Do you know how Fucking hard it’s been these last couple of months, MY MOTHER IS A SHELL OF HERSELF TOMMY, she spends every minute of the day thinking about the past, do you know how long it took her to finally accept that you guys were all dead? Just to find out that you’re not dead, but she can't see Joel again”.

Tommy doesn’t say anything, your words making him rethink his previous decisions. “Some fucking uncle you are” Rae mumbles before walking out of the room, leaving Tommy alone with his thoughts.

#joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal #black reader #pedro pascal x black reader #joel the last of us #joel x black reader #joel x y/n #joel miller x fem black reader #joel x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x y/n #the last of us #joel miller

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aphrcdites · 9 months

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the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

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thatboisus · 3 months

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“english isn’t my first langua—“ say no more.

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shelbybyr · 7 months

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When you run out of fics to read

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bethsvrse · 1 month

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pov: I find a good smut fic but it includes a daddy kink

#I hate daddy kinks sm #I wanna start a petition to ban daddy kinks #joel miller x reader #bucky barnes x reader #tony stark x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #sirius black x reader #spencer reid x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #jim hopper x reader #derek hale x reader #steve rogers x reader #remus lupin x reader #steve harrington x reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader

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tarrensbookmarks · 5 days

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The Last of Us

➼ Joel Miller ‣Size Difference by palioom Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Angst in Age-Gap Relationship by inklore Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Ensnare by ozarkthedog CNC!Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Come Clean by futureman Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Keep It On The Low by futureman Ex!Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Shadows by ozarkthedog [Dead Dove] Noncon!Dark!Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Gimme What I Want: A Fic in Texts by atticrissfinch Joel Miller x F!Reader and sexting ‣Stiff by mothandpidgeon Erectile Dysfunction!Joel Miller x F!Reader with age-gap ‣Butterfly by stargirlfics Joel Miller x Black!Latina!Reader ‣Wolf Song by eupheme Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣In the Woods Somewhere by eupheme Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Greedy Little Thing by ozarkthedog Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Impetuous by inklore Joel Miller x Smuggler!F!Reader ‣Ain't No Sunshine by sunflowersteves Joel Miller x Sunshine!F!Reader [Part 2] ‣Just the Tip by toxicanonymity Dubcon!Joel Miller x Innocent!F!Reader ‣Reckless by psychedelic-ink Feral!Joel Miller x F!Reader ‣Misbehavior by stargirlfics Brat Tamer!Joel Miller x Black!F!Reader

dividers by saradika-graphics

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #x black reader

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gladiolusluvr · 5 months

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Me when I’m reading a good fanfic and the author writes “my knuckles turned white as I clenched the sheets"

After I read that I can not bring myself to read it anymore 😭

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stargirlfics · 20 days

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So Much Goddamn Talkin’

Joel Miller x Black F!Reader

Summary: Sometimes Joel has to quiet the noise in your head. Luckily he’s quite good at that.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, post outbreak—Jackson era, mutual pining, friends to lovers vibe, established relationship, some mentions of anxiety, feelings and fluff, competency kink, soft dom!joel vibes, smut: oral (both receiving), fingering, soft intense PiV, unprotected sex, praise kink, daddy kink, come marking

*reader is written and described as black but anyone is welcome and encouraged to read!

Word Count: 6k

Currently obsessed with the thought of older, domestic Joel in a relationship and couldn’t stop myself from getting carried away! Enjoy!

It wasn’t like this was the first time you’d ever spoken to Joel.

On the contrary, what had started as a timid friendship became something else entirely with one spontaneous kiss that only the stars bore witness to that night.

A silly dream of romance had landed right in your lap despite the crumbling of the old world behind you, taking everything with it and yet they took your breath away constantly, like a whirlwind, two grounding anchors were now tethered to your heart and their names were Joel and Ellie.

So why were you so nervous?

Sighing softly, you decided to blame it on the watchful glances Joel was giving you from across the yard, distracting you from the book you were reading. Eye contact with him could feel like the most searing heat, spreading like wildfire and at the same time the deepest depths of comfort.

Not always being a man of many words, the things he could express with a simple look or the weight of a hand fascinated you, made you fall so dangerously hard and with a certainty you’d never felt before.

Therefore you reasoned it simply couldn’t be your fault for being distracted and wanting him so much right now. Not when he made you feel this way without even having to try very hard.

You just needed to take a moment to soak it all in, a blooming hope carried in on the breeze now that it was the beginning of spring in Jackson, the wildflowers and planted seeds starting to sprout, and the soil and your own souls teeming with life after so long spent just surviving. Now there was space for healing.

Space for you to sit in the rocking chair Joel had worked on for months as a birthday present to you, or watch him get around to all the house projects (because once a contractor always a contractor) and strum out the prettiest chords on his guitar late in the evenings out on the porch.

This felt more like living and you never wasted a moment to covet it.

“You’re doing an awful lot of staring, Miller.” You looked up from the same page for the fifth time to catch him already looking your way.

He blinked and put another nail into the wood post he was working on.

“Hm, well damn right I am when you look the way you do. Now if I told you it’s been at least ten minutes since you’ve turned a page in that book you just might have to admit you’ve been starin’ too.”

There was that little smirk you knew so well, dancing on his lips as if he knew just how much it would drive you crazy, the confirmation that you hadn’t been subtle in the slightest either.

“Well, you’re out here giving me a show.” You make a point to turn to the next page then, looking away before he could throw you a look at the sass in your tone.

He was right of course but what he didn’t know was that reading had started all this to begin with.

The tattered novel had been a surprise find on a patrol one day and came with an unexpected eroticism, bits of dialogue and tantalizing imagery on the page you were stuck on making your mind wander and wonder.

It’s why you felt a little nervous, caught off guard, suddenly wishing you were in bed and underneath him.

He flashes his teeth at you, that smirk widening into a smile at your reply, his attention returning to the tools in his hands but your own continued to linger. Remembering.

A few nights before in particular, when he was fucking into you so deep you had to bite the sheets to keep your moans down. You could still picture the definition of his arms as they cradled you and kept the headboard from colliding into the wall at the same time.

Or how good you knew it felt when his broad palms swat across your ass, never failing to make you yield to him with such eagerness.

You wished you could have your hands on him now, petting, feeling, showing him how much he was desired and cared for, how much you wanted to be filled by him, stretched out and aching with nothing but his name in your mind and on the tip of your tongue for hours.

Those stray thoughts had you turning back a page, leaning into the slow burning fire lit underneath you.

Still unsure of how to initiate these desires, you didn’t want to distract him from something he’d been trying to get around to doing for awhile and at the same time felt a thrill at the idea of tugging him away, leading him to bed.

With some hesitation you decided to bide your time for a bit longer, getting caught up in words that made you squirm imagining Joel doing and saying them.

God, you weren’t sure how much more of this you could keep up, feeling the slick pooling of arousal between your thighs, the way you wanted to grind against nothing already.

Joel finished repairing the post in no time and moved on to patch up a hole in the wall of the old shed, unaware of your internal dilemma.

Eventually he gathered up his tools and stored them away, told you he was gonna head in and wash up but that you should keep relaxing out here for as long as you wanted and he’d get started on preparing things for dinner later.

He left you with a kiss to your temple and the lingering familiarity of his touch. Handsome and sweet, he was going to be the death of you.

Your mind felt too restless to keep sitting but you took him up on the suggestion just for awhile longer, trying to find the right way to move things in the direction you wanted. Family dinner wasn’t for another four hours and Ellie would be here a bit early but there was still time and you wanted to make the most of it.

So you finished off another chapter and finally closed the novel, ushered inside with the echo of birdsongs and the steady thumping of your heart in your ribs.

–

Joel had been so sure you hadn’t noticed his repeated stares as much as he’d noticed yours, bowing his head under the warm spray of the shower he could only think of how pretty you looked sitting there while he worked, fond of the fact that you liked to be next to him even if he was occupied.

At first he couldn’t wrap his head around it and was almost too unnerved and bewildered by the fact that you took such an interest.

Not at all used to someone touching him or looking at him like he was their entire world but that’s the only way you looked at him and as much as he had tried to be measured, tried not to get attached, he had come around to the idea of a relationship again.

Loving people was frightening, something he felt he’d lost the ability to do properly after all these years, all the blood staining his hands and his conscience.

He had lost so much, seen too much death and feared he would only bring ruin, that he would lose her too, until you came along and turned everything he thought he knew on its head.

Oh what secrets and stories of loss he had told you in the quiet of night, when old nightmares and new guilts collided and kept him from sleeping though that was much less these days now that you slept by his side every night.

It had been a long time since he’d shared his bed and now it made him smile thinking of how natural it felt to wake up next to you, how easy it was to be around you, in the quiet moments he could see how the foundations you’d both built together had been made solid and steadfast over time.

Silly to think how he fretted over ruining his friendship with you all that time ago, the way everyone was sick of him in the days leading up to when he would finally ask if you were interested because they all knew he had nothing to worry about and those worries in his head were swiftly put to rest when you tugged at his shirt to pull him closer and asked what had taken him so long.

He’d never forget that moment.

Joel thought then that this was the moment he knew but quickly learned there would actually be a collection of moments–several times a day–that would remind him just how hooked on you he really was.

Like the times he showed his age and your sweet giggles and clever retorts always followed soon after, or how much he’s come to love the summertime because your brown skin basked in the sunlight is like art to him and he relishes every chance he gets to see you exactly as you are.

You brought a fullness and meaning to life here, encouraging him to slow down, to breathe. Taking care of one another made him stronger, nourished in ways he didn’t think were possible.

“Honey.”

He grits the word out like he’s trying to call you up here, reminded of how lucky he felt to have you, to be so connected.

Watching you walk around batting your eyes acting like you don’t know that it’s the pretty, round edges of your nose, the smile lines, the plush of your hips and that glowing thing inside you beating in your chest that drives him crazy.

Simply put, he was impressed by you. Constantly. You could handle yourself, skilled in your own right, already handy with weapons long before he was in your life and even more proficient now, deadly, with the things he’d taught you since.

You were resourceful and calm in tricky situations or when quick medical training was needed and yet none of the carnage of infected and worse terrors ever changed the soft way you tended to people, almost like you couldn’t help but give a little extra love.

And you had certainly spared many an ounce of that love for him; he’d forgotten how good it felt to smile this much over someone, can’t remember the last time he felt this way and definitely can’t remember the last time he’s seen his Ellie look at someone with such admiration either.

Everything about you captured his attention and he was grateful to be able to live some sort of life again after so much heartache, after believing he could never have these kinds of things for himself.

Those hands of his could scorch the Earth but you made him understand they could build things too, could show love and give pleasure just as well and just as fiercely.

Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job of it.

All he knew was that he never wanted to let you go and that was enough for him.

–

When you venture into the bedroom you find him getting dressed, hair tousled from being towel dried, another wave of aching bloomed in your core as you thank yourself for having nudged him into letting it grow out a bit during the colder months.

He looked so handsome doing nothing at all in particular you were sure you’d implode if you didn’t just come out with it, you just hope he wouldn’t mind doing some undressing again.

“Hey, honey.”

His voice was low and gentle, the familiar pet name in his usual smooth rasp made you stride forward, sending you surging into his arms so that you were squished against his chest. He tilted his head at you just slightly in question before you were pressing your lips to his.

Your mouths met so tenderly at first, fingertips bursting with a nervous energy as they reached for his shirt, grasping needily as you lost yourself in the slow ease of the way he kissed you back.

But a little spark of anxiety makes you tense, overthinking the kiss, feeling a little silly for just how turned on you were, how much he could see it written all over you, dripping quite literally in desperation even if you tried to reason with yourself that you knew there wasn’t anything wrong with that.

“J-Joel…shit,” you whined and huffed through sloppy kisses, slowly finding yourself being walked backwards and held firm against the closest wall, “Oh…we don’t have to do this if-”

“The hell are you goin’ on about?” Joel grumbled against the column of your neck and all ability to articulate went out the window.

Rationally you knew it was a pretty good indication he wasn’t bothered by the spontaneity from the way those strong hands of his were already underneath your shirt, pinching almost in the haste to grip your flesh but you were already overthinking and it held persistent.

“Just…if you’re tired, I understand. We can wait till tonight. I don’t want you to feel obligated.” Your words were huffed out in nervous gasps, trying to will your knees not buckle when his scruff teased a swipe across your jaw.

Joel pulled back then so you’d have to look at him, knowing the anxious flit of your lashes well.

He knew what to watch for, patient when you needed reassurance that you were free to run wild with your desires, that he was never tired of having you bare and wrapped around him at any hour of the day but this was of no consequence, he’d make sure you knew where he stood.

Shaking his head, he doesn’t give you more than a moment to suck in a breath before his hands leave your waist to hold your face.

“So much goddamn talkin’, sweetheart,” the words are a heavy growl against your lips in between heavier kisses, “Think I need to remind you of some things and put those thoughts out of your mind, yeah?”

Your whole body felt hot, flushed with desire and aching for whatever he was going to do to remind you, nodding before your tongue could catch up with your agreeing thoughts.

“Let me show you.” Joel caged you in against the wall, broad shoulders blocking everything else out.

The steady rise and fall of his chest became your focal point and new arousal sparked at his attentiveness, so easily able to soothe, to make you unravel for him.

“Please, I want you so much.” Your softly sighed plea turned into a whine when you were crushed to his chest again and this time there were no reservations to the embrace.

He was so good at this, making you burn for him so often you wondered sometimes how you were able to get anything done.

Hungry fingers pushed the collar of his flannel back, jeans already unbuttoned for your wandering attention to latch onto and he encouraged it with a push of his hips against yours.

It’s an easy movement, dropping to your knees like you’ve done a hundred times before to see how just a simple kiss already had him stiff and straining against denim, teasing the kind of thickness you so badly wanted to fill your throat with.

Your mouth watered, fingers outstretched to wrap around hot skin the moment his cock was free, unable to stop yourself now. Joel’s rough sigh following the steady pump of your hands made you glance up, meeting the intensity of his gaze and you held it there for a moment before your tongue was tasting him.

“Look at you...already have it in your mouth like the quick learner you are,” He hissed through his teeth and you could feel where he throbs against the hollow of your cheek.

Pride swells in your chest from the praise, knowing the tone of his voice meant the restrained edge of patience from letting you tease him back was slipping.

You could feel it in the flex of muscle underneath your hands where they’re braced on his thighs and you hoped he was proud watching your lips stretch around him, head bobbing nice and easy the way you know he liked it.

You’re unconcerned with being neat about it, slicking him up with your mouth and still trying to take him deeper, trying to take all of him in fact.

You liked to flirt with dreams of your nose being pressed snug against Joel’s pelvis, wanted to feel him through your entire chest even if burned because there was sweetness in being deprived of oxygen like that. Call it an unwavering trust.

You gave in to the feeling and kept your eyes focused upwards on him, trying to relax your jaw despite all the anticipation, happy to let him take control.

“That’s it, that’s my girl. Stay just like that.”

Listening is hardly even a thought when you’ve hung onto his every word, every movement, not minding the strain in your jaw as he rocked his hips into the wet heat of your mouth. Tongue swirling over his shaft, the thick head of him, desperate to earn it, to make him curse and growl out your name.

The pressure of his fingers against your jaw and then the back of your head had you moaning, trying to speak while he fucks your mouth.

“P-please, make me take it.” Your heart lept with each languid thrust of his hips sliding deep so he could feel the softening of your throat.

He’d give you whatever you asked for when you whimpered like that.

Firm and sweet was his grip, raspy grunts and cursed out praises that flowed from his mouth even sweeter to your ears as your tongue slid over the soft, sensitive head of his cock and back down the length of him.

You’re insatiable and any anxious thoughts still rattling around in your mind were quickly fading, replaced with his touch, his smell, his taste. The salty smear on your taste buds had you pressing your thighs together, craving relief.

“Good girl, yeah that’s it. Startin’ to understand now, sweetheart?”

Your head tipped forward and the only response you could give was a heady moan, doing your best to nod knowing how much he’d like seeing that, the tears already welling along your lashes from the effort but you didn’t mind.

Knowing you made him tip his head back, a heavy palm braced against the wall above your head while he grunted out curses and filthier praise made you feel a dozen more times ravenous, encouraging him to keep going with sloppy, wet whimpers that were barely held back from your kiss swollen lips, stretched over every thick inch of him you could take.

“Love watching you choke on it, honey. Fuck that's good, show me how much you can fit.”

The sight of him is something you hoped to never forget, searching for and finding the slight snarl of his lips when the tip hits the back of your mouth and the flex of his biceps when you slide your tongue around to lick the underside of him.

Joel could barely hold himself back, the urge to bury himself in your throat almost overwhelming but he wanted more than that, he wanted to reward you for listening so well, for how much you make him feel.

It had been building all day and he knew you had to feel it too. He was loath to pull you off his cock, an ache through his chest at your desperate cries from the loss of contact but he was quick to remedy that with a searing kiss.

You melt and are grateful your knees are already on the floor when your tongue meets his. It was so messy, hungry and neither of you cared.

“Get on the bed. Go on, darlin’.” Joel’s voice sounded like warm syrup, covering you in adoring instruction, taking you and leading you where he knows is best.

And god do you love when he was in this mood, nothing but a filthy edge to his affections.

So you complied, ignoring the twinge in your tummy as you moved to the bed, sprawling out across sheets that smell like the both of you.

He watches you get comfortable, loosening a few buttons and those jeans finally discarded on the floor before the distance is closed and he’s all over you.

Every touch and caress was intentional as he undresses like he’s unwrapping a present, greedy for all of you but so passionate, so easily able to steal your breath at the same time, slowing down the tempo now that your legs have fallen open and there’s nothing left covering you.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy…and she’s all mine.” Joel admires you for a moment, firm hands tickling your thighs while his thumbs circled the soft, sensitive junction of your thigh so close to where you wanted him most.

The praise has you sighing breathlessly, peeking down to see the way he was looking at where you glisten, a sureness to his features that made you feel safe all while the clench of his jaw sent goosebumps across your arms.

You want to echo that he’s right but he doesn’t let you have the chance, a broad palm sliding down over the hair covering your mound, tugging at it gently before two thick fingers are swirling over your folds.

Muscles jolting, you were rocking up into a touch that is so expert and familiar you are helpless against it.

“Joel, oh! That feels so good,” You’re panting, trying to catch your breath while your body responds to the tight circles he was rubbing against your clit.

“Yeah? ‘Can tell. You’re so slick, honey. Did suckin’ me off get you this worked up?”

Your nod is pure reflex, hips grinding against his movements needing to chase the pleasure that was slowly oozing its way into your system.

It’s only something he can do and he’s so steady, so thorough with you even as you squirm, those two fingers now stroking at your entrance eliciting sounds that sparked heat in your cheeks and spread down to your chest.

You want to be as connected to him as you can, almost pleading for him to sink inside you already just desperate to feel completely surrounded by him.

And Joel can’t seem to grasp enough of you under his hands, gone for the way you cling to him as he fits his middle finger inside, marveling at the way your walls take him in.

He would never get over your strangled little cry at being stretched around his knuckles.

“I asked a question, lemme hear you.” He spoke a little more loosely, his Texan drawl slightly heavier now.

“Yes, yes,” you’re remembering yourself after a moment, “Fuck, yes I love sucking your dick.”

The words are shameless, falling from your lips as a promise, a proclamation that you know he feels the weight of when he leans in to kiss you again, muffling your sounds while he slides a second finger in alongside the first that’s filling you so perfectly.

Any concept of time or day is somewhere in the background muted, far away and suddenly you know you’re right where you should be, right where you belong, no traces of anxious thoughts lurking any longer.

You could sink into these sensations now, enjoying how his kisses had moved to your neck exploring the sensitive spots and smiling against your skin when a new one is found because he loves feeling you clench around him when he does.

It’s a gift to Joel, being able to draw out this kind of bliss in you.

He wanted you to feel good, wanted to be the one to make your world shatter and then piece it back together again when you came down to the ground.

Your eyes rolled shut when he plunged deeper, the pads of his fingers massaging at your walls in tandem with what his mouth was doing between the valley of your chest and further down to where your stomach fluttered.

Somewhere in the haze of it all you realize his mouth was at your thighs, the white hot touch of his lips closing around a stretch of supple flesh bringing another wave of heat before he’s licking gently, bruising a mark into your skin that only he will know is there later.

“I could spend hours like this, you know that? Could have you makin’ such a pretty mess all over my hands, all over our bed…and I know you love when I do this.” Joel husks before he’s finally tasting you properly.

He starts at your clit, tongue flattened against you in anticipation of the inevitable flex of your legs, determined to keep you right where he wants and you’re already so far gone for him and this moment that your head tilts back against the pillows in a gasp.

You feel almost weightless as you succumb to the pleasure and how he presses his mouth into your pussy like he wants to devour it. You’re sure you’d let him swallow you whole if it kept feeling like this.

It’s not even a question really, you know you would, until you’re between sinew and bone and part of him forever.

The plunge and curl of his fingers combined with the flick of his tongue had you panting, heat skittering across your body while your hips circled on their own accord.

“More! Please, Joel!” It’s a chant and a sob all rolled in one and you don’t care how needy it sounds.

He keeps going, lapping at your sex greedily until you’re clenching down around his fingers and your toes are curling, crying out for him not to stop as you hurtle towards the cliff’s edge.

Skin dewy and alive, you decide that you don’t want to spare anything, not when he’s watching you as hungrily as he eats.

You give him all your sounds, all your pleas, handing him your body and your heart at once.

It’s amazing how it doesn’t take long for him to have you so close, right at the precipice, forgoing his own breaths to keep pace, to give you what your body is singing out for and when you finally let go, when your orgasm is finally coaxed from you he only presses his face into you further, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could in hopes of seeing that soft sweet look in your eyes afterwards.

“Attagirl, doin so well.” The words are a tether.

He’d take care of you and that’s perhaps what made it so easy to surrender yourself to the passion of the moment knowing it would linger long after you were both spent.

“Mmm you should see yourself right now,” Joel hummed, licking his lips while you attempted to catch your breath, “I always want you, don’t forget that yeah?”

The last part catches your attention through the curtain of bliss, a serious shift in his tone telling you that he meant every word; you had no reason to second guess yourself over your desires and he was making sure of that.

You nodded and sat up to reach for him, nevermind how you still trembled, your desire to be close to him was stronger than ever now.

“I need you, Joel! Please, I’ve been so good…” Your words tug at him, you can tell they do by the way he ruts his hips against the edge of the bed.

He crushed his mouth to yours before you could finish speaking, a much welcome relief, the burning flame inside you quelled for a moment.

“Sure have been, honey and I think good girls should be rewarded.” He nipped at your ear, stealing your breath with his words.

And even further when his flannel joined his jeans on the floor, climbing back onto the bed to follow the path of your body with his own, framing your limbs and wrapping you up in his embrace like you were made to fit against his chest.

Your legs fall open again to wrap around his waist as he settles some of his weight down against your hips, just giving you a taste, calling back memories and reminding you, funnily enough, of that novel you were reading earlier.

It felt like you were suddenly amongst the pages, chest heaving, your core tender and dripping as the man of your dreams was about to show you how much you’re his in every way.

Fairytales didn’t exist in this world but you felt like you were in one right now.

A giddy and timid smile spread across your face when Joel trailed warm hands down your body, catching on the bend of your elbow, wrapping around your ribcage to settle on the crest of your ass as he puts more of his weight down and uses his shoulders to nudge your legs apart and back towards your chest.

The air felt thicker but your breathing seemed to even out, everything in your body thrumming with energy and an intensity neither of you could ignore any longer.

Reaching down between your bodies you wrap a hand around where he’s thick and throbbing, guiding him closer with a soft smile, feeling how heavy he hangs in your hand, fingers pinching his skin when he rocks against your folds, the dirty sounds of his cock gliding through your stickiness.

Joel groans against your forehead, holding himself steady as your hips buck into his touch, the tip pressing against your entrance and finally, slowly, sinking inside.

Your moans are twined together in the quiet room. The stretch makes you keen, hands fumbling and grasping at strong shoulders, grateful he lets you have a moment to adjust.

But it’s not long before you’re squirming again, whining for him to go deeper, to fill you to the hilt and he made good on his promises to do exactly that.

He keeps your hips tilted up with the press of his palm underneath you, meeting little resistance the more he splits you open and it does something to him to see how much of a mess you are and he’s barely fucked you yet.

“You can do it, know you can…there you go.” Joel pulls back to give a shallow thrust, lips brushing your temple and a hand coming up to cradle your cheek.

The drag of his cock against your walls was everything, steady thrusts building up the tension coiling in your belly, fantasies from your novel melding with reality.

You felt like you were floating, your toes pointing when he changed the angle, brushing against a spot that had you crying out, ankles trying to lock around his torso.

Pressing heavier and faster with his hips however, your legs stay spread, the beginnings of a tremble rippling through your muscles now that he’s caught on.

His pace remained measured and deep, just the way you were begging for it, and he’s content to watch your brows pinch, your jaw slacken, content to hear every gasp of air and pretty sobs mixed in with your moans driving him crazy every time they slip from clenched teeth.

“Shit, I love watching you take me like this.” He cooed.

You can feel the heavy slap of his balls colliding with your ass when he pounds into you again and soon your hands slip from sweaty skin, scratching down his chest to pull at the sheets, so overwhelmed with feeling but never wanting it to stop.

“Daddy...Please, please keep going.”

You’re so caught up in the moment you don’t realize you’ve said it out loud, glassy eyes moving up from where you were trying to peek between your bodies to meet Joel’s careful gaze, only half registering how they widen for a moment.

He’s taken aback for just a second, almost questioning whether he heard it correctly but something’s been knocked loose within him now, his cock twitching from the reverence and adoration in your tone, bestowing him with a title he suddenly wanted to earn.

Joel was a grown man and had lived through many hells to be able to have you bare and underneath him like this, he reasoned he deserved to have a little fun in the bedroom especially when he hadn’t expected to be so affected.

“Ah so that’s what you’ve been reading in that book of yours. Just wanted Daddy to fuck you all day is that it, sweetheart? Yeah, I gotcha now.” He rasped low against the crook of your neck and started to fuck you harder.

His grip on you was less gentle but still just as passionate, the force of his thrusts stealing your ability to think properly. He wanted to make you say it again.

The burning in your cheeks only subsided a little at his acceptance, more heat flooding you from head to toe at being called out, wondering how he knew it was something you read in your novel, if it had been that obvious.

It didn’t matter now, you see where his dark eyes have narrowed, ready to make you come again with this newfound discovery.

So you try and be good for him while you moan and clench down on his length, your pussy swollen and aching but tingling for everything he could give you, “Yes, daddy! Just…oh! I couldn’t help it. Thank you, daddy!”

He knows you’re close, a familiar frenzy to your breathing, the slick wet sounds between your legs, it’s everything he dreams of and more, torn between watching your face as you come or watching the way his cock shines with your release.

With a few more strokes and the soft rubbing of his thumb against your clit you shatter, face pressing against the meat of his shoulder while you ride it out, feeling weightless in his embrace.

It makes you giggle when you can’t keep your head up any longer, neck lolling back against the pillow where he cradles your head in his hands, keeping you in place as he finds his own release swiftly after yours, pulling out to cover your puffy folds in hot ropes of his come.

You would never tire of being made a mess, even if you knew you’d be sore tomorrow, nothing quite ever beat the feeling of being fucked out like the way Joel could have you.

“Baby…” you’re breathless and bursting with emotion, “Thank you for that. Think I really needed it,” You laugh against his chest and sigh.

You’re almost too nervous still to look at him after your slip of the tongue but you know deep down there’s nothing you have to be worried about.

“Of course, honey. Anytime, and I mean that.”

–

You’re not sure how much time has passed, drifting in and out of a dreamy slumber still cradled against Joel, only now you realize you’ve been cleaned up and tucked under the covers but you don’t mind, you know you can simply lay here and soak it all in, he would take care of you.

Racing thoughts no longer buzz around in your head, all you can feel and see is Joel and you smile to yourself knowing the intimacy you just shared still lingered in your body, love etched in your fingertips where they’re laced in his hand against his stomach.

His lips press against your temple and you close your eyes again letting yourself be swept away with the sweet drawl of an “I love you.” in your ears and the gentle evening sun warming you both.

—

A/N: This was actually lowkey inspired by that scene where Joel is leading Ellie, Henry and Sam down the street after they come out of the tunnels and Joel just shakes his head and goes “so much goddamn talkin’.’ while looking like an annoyed father because they’re all being too loud…got very hung up on that bit of dialogue and could not let it go so here we are!

Also hope I added the daddy kink bit here in tastefully, it’s a fave of mine and I struggled a bit to think of how to incorporate it in a way that felt real for Joel so I only just dipped my toe in with it here but I hope you liked it! 👀

Thank you for reading <3

some no pressure tags! 💫 @eupheme @ozarkthedog @moreofem @tinydramatist @black-fairy3 @federalchickensoup @fluffyprettykitty @persona-enthusiast @moonstruksandco @ghotifishreads @communism-bitches

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x black reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x woc #amalia writes

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siriusly-parker · 2 years

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me, a supposed writer, when i can’t find the very specific scenario i made up in my head in any fanfic: am i- am i supposed to write it myself??

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littlegingerperson5 · 2 months

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Teamwork makes the dream work!

#ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #abby anderson #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams smut #ellie smut #ellie the last of us #ellabs #ellie x black!reader #ellie tlou #joel miller #joel tlou #tlou2 #the last of us

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chappellroansdreamgirl · 27 days

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ellie williams with a black gf!

A/N - my two requests are almost done chat i promise but i rly wanted to make something like this!!!!!

content warnings - JUST FLUFF!!!!

THESE ARE MY MODERN!ELS HEADCANNONS!

---------------‐----------------------------------------------------

- will ALWAYS compliment u after u get ur hair done. "your new braids look so good, baby." EHEHEHEEHE AAAAAAGHHGH (*screeches through the phone*)

- will learn how to take them out for you just so you don't have to do it all the time by yourself:

"make sure you're not cutting my real h-"

"shh, shut up! i know what i'm doing 🤬 !" <3

- will figure out how to tolerate your nails. always pays for them. ALWAYS tells you how pretty they look. (sry guys my praise kink wants to be set free from the shackles they're currently in.)

- although she definitely always wants to protect you and make sure you're safe at all times she isn't afraid of letting you stand your own ground. but whenever things get too out of hand or it seems to be heading that way, she'll be shutting SHIT down.

- your parents/guardian/parent figures love her. I DON'T CARE. this woman WILL be getting invited to the family reunions!

- ellie williams has zero tolerance for racists. if you guys are out at a store in a predominantly white area and it even SEEMS to her that the workers are racially profiling. lingering stares, periodic walks passing where you are, etc etc we know how racial profiling works. she's getting your ass out of there and making sure that her numerous email accounts are used for giving them multiple 1 star reviews that night.

- ellie williams has been indoctrinated into the cult of hotties. she hears megan's piano once while u were getting ready and now she can't get enough of her music.

BONUS ROUND: MOODBOARD🥶🥶

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lovrre · 1 year

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Baby protect me<3

Word count: 2k

Summary: On Joel’s birthday two men try assaulting you, when Joel takes care of them ,you realize how much you like the violence And Joel realizes he’s not over his trauma.

Warnings: slightly dark fic, a little Angst, attempted SA, cursing, sadistic themes, no smut but slightly suggestive themes 🌝

Author note: I’m mostly likely gonna rewrite this one later but I just really wanted to post something. So enjoy for now, Suggestion box IS OPEN!

You awoke in bed next to Joel for the third time this week. You watched his chest rise and fall like you normally did when you woke up first. You liked it, you liked him, apart from you hoped for more from the relationship than sex, but Joel tried his best to be distant with his emotions. Sometimes you guys would seem like a couple and other days not even friends. Joel sits up suddenly in bed, small sweat droplets sliding down his body.

You quickly sit up beside him rubbing your hand up and down his arm trying to console him “you ok baby?” you ask worried he takes a couple of labored breaths before speaking “I gotta get some air” he says plainly getting out the bed and walking towards the door. You laid back and enjoyed watching his sweaty shirtless body leave the room. When he returned, you realized you had accidentally fallen back asleep, you woke up to Joel sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his clothes. “Where you going” you say groggy rubbing your eyes “I think I'm gonna go for a walk” he says stuffing his foot in his shoe. “ Nightmare?” You ask, sitting up on your elbow. He doesn’t reply,“ are they about-” he cuts you off “ DON’T” he snaps. There’s an awkward silence before you speak “you don’t have to be rude” you say angrily, rolling over so your back is facing him

Joel opens his mouth like he about to say something, then closes it and walks out the room. You hear him leave, but don’t say anything. When the sun comes up you stretch hoping to feel Joel’s hard body next to you despite still being a little upset with him. But when you run your hands over his side of the bed you feel nothing but the cold mattress. You can tell by his blanket that he never came back to bed last night, mostly likely sleeping on the couch.

~~~

After getting dressed, you walk into the kitchen, Joel is sitting at the kitchen table reading an old book. You sit across from him quietly for a second before talking. “Good morning, you still grumpy?” you ask, watching him pretend to be focused on reading. “ Joel?” You wave a hand by his face, Joel stays quiet for a second before huffing in defeat looking up from his book

“ I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, last night I’m sorry” he says sincerely reaching over the table to hold your hand, he rubs his thumb slowly over your knuckles “you know I’m no good with emotions a stuff, but I’m working on it ”He says letting out a deep breath.

A big grin takes over your face “Well good you apologized because now I can give you your present ”. Joel looks surprised as you jump up from your chair and go to reach under the kitchen cabinet for Joel’s birthday gift.

“How did you-“ you cut him off, “Close your eyes!” you yell, you wait for Joel to close his eyes before you hid the gift behind your back and walk towards him. “Hold out your hand” you say, try to contain your excitement. You place a big metal cylinder of Café Bustelo in his hand, You put the red mug you got to go with it on the table. “ Open!” You say excitingly. Joel opens his eyes, it takes him a second to realize what it is, “is this real?” He asks surprised examine the container “yep, 100% unopened espresso, none of that nasty homemade shit they sell at the market” you laugh “what the hell did you trade to get this…” he says opening the top “no that much actually the younger ones don’t care for coffee” you saying sitting on the edge of the table. “It still has the seal on it” he says surprised looking up at you, “I told you it’s unopened” you laugh at his giddy reaction over coffee

Joel laughs to himself before pulling you down by your waist onto his lap. He places the coffee tin on the table” is this mine too” he asks pointing to the big Mug “mmh” you smile, moving a small piece of hair his forehead. “Happy birthday baby” you say kissing his cheek, “Thank you” he smiles placing a kiss on your lips.

“Let me make us some of that coffee” Joel says, moving you off his lap, so he can make the coffee. “You know what would be good with coffee, cake!” you say clapping your hands together

“what, you got some?” Joel questions “no, but I can make some… tonight ”. You say excitedly “I’d like to see that” he muffles coughs under his breath. You elbow him in his ribs, making him laugh “you will”.

~~~~~~

Later that Day, you decided to try to go to the street vendors and see if you could scrabble up enough ingredients for a small cake. “I’ll be right back” you yell out by the door, zipping up your coat. “Where you going?” Joel asks, poping up from around the corner. “I’m just going to the market vendors” you say, ready to leave. “ It’s drizzling and The suns almost gone, I don’t think they’re out there”

Joel says, pointing to the window covered in rain droplet’s. “Well I just wanna see if they have something, I’ll be back soon ”you say getting ready to open be door. “ok I’m coming with you” Joel says turning to get his jacket “it’ll only be a minute promise” you say giving him a quick smile before opening the door “be careful!” Joel yells before you close the door.

~~~

Joel was right, most of the vendors were gone except an old man selling shovels and a lady selling potatoes. Not wanting to go home empty-handed you thought you should try to go to someone you knew of who bakes. But you knew they would probably charge you more for it. You walk 5 minutes down the pathway and turn down an alley you knew he lived on. You knocked one of the doors hoping it was the right one, you a stepped back looking at the rain hit your shoes as you waited for someone to answer the door.

A tall nice looking young man answered the door maybe 27or 26 definitely young when the world went to shit. By the big scar from his eyebrow to cheek, you knew he was the baker everyone spoke of. “Hi not trying to bother you, but I wondered if you could sell me some ingredients for a cake about… this big” you say showing him the size with your hands. You laugh at your own gesture, “Are there not any vendors you can bother?” He says scrunch up his face in disgust showing his rotten looking teeth.

“Ain’t none left out” you reply not as humorous as before. “uhhh I guess I can, but it’s gonna cost you about 35” he says giving you a creepy smiling that made you insanely uncomfortable “fuck that, for two eggs and some flower, 30 max” you low balled, you had forty but wasn’t willing to spend it all on a small cake “you out here by yourself? ” he asks, looking down the ally to see if someone else was with you

“no I’m not” you reply quickly hoping he doesn’t try anything stupid “so who you out here wit because I don’t see-“. You cut him off “are you gonna sell me the damn eggs or not” you say, bringing back his focus to the deal “35, final offer” he yells out you stay quiet for a second “Deal” you say grudgingly.

“Pay upfront” he says, holding out in a grabbing motion. “No, half” you say irritated “ok that works” he says looking down the ally again you count out 20 but hand him 17. He walks back inside for a second before coming back with a similar looking man, only older. The man looks you up and down like he’s plotting something “yeah she works”. You look down at his hands, there were no ingredients in sight just a rope. The old man looks down the ally “shi-“ before you can react the older one grabs you trying to pull you in the house.

You punch him in the face, making him lose his grip on you. You fall back on the concrete hard, You try to get up but slip on the wet ground. Before you can try to get up again, a fist connects to your face making the side of your face throb. The younger one grabs your arms, trying to tie you up. “Please no” you scream attempting to kick the older one away, “Stop moving Bitch!” the younger one yells trying to knot the rope. You kick the older one again and miss. He punches you again square in your jaw. You feel blood trickling down your lip and tears sting your eyes, “fuck you!” You scream, trying to kick as the older attempts to pull off your pants. Your shoe connects to his jaw.

“BITCH” he hissed, stumbling back he quickly picked up a large loose brick and smashing it against your leg at full force. You scream out in pain and everything goes black, amidst the darkness you swear you could hear Joel’s voices. When you wake up a couple of minutes later from the continuous rain droplets hitting your face.

Your eyelids feel heavy, and your head pounding, you realize Your arms are free. In the distance, You see Joel on top of one of the men, his fist connecting with his face over and over again. Slowly sitting up, you wipe your eyes, confused if what you were seeing was real.

As soon as you stand up completely, you wince in pain trying to keep your leg from giving out. Looking over, you see one of the men covered in blood in the doorway of the house. You couldn’t tell which one because of how badly his face was beaten in. In his pocket was your 17 ration cards, you bend down carefully yanking the blood covered cards out his pocket. “Cunt!” You say spitting at the unrecognizable face. You slowly stepped over the man and limp over to Joel, who was still punching the man. Instead of intervening you watched for a second as Joel punched him again and again and, again, without mercy not noticing your presence . You had never seen someone fight so ruthlessly for before you, and deep down you liked it.

You watched the rain carry the man's blood down into the cracks in the ground. Walking directly behind Joel, you finally grabbed his shoulder, “j- Joel, you can sto-“ suddenly you feel dizzy and you collapse. Joel instantly catches you, his blood hands gripping into your shirt.

He holds you in his arms for a minute, his shaking hand coming up to move away the bloody pieces of hair stuck on your face. “I thought I lost you” he quietly repeats, caressing your face for a second before hoisting you up in his arms and fire man carrying you away from the bloody scene.

~~~~

Two days have passed since the attack, you have probably been awake a total of 5 hours. Mostly in and out of consciousness, sleeping in bed and eating the little bits of food Joel brought you. Waking up you felt a bit better than yesterday, you decide to get up. Limping to the bathroom, you see yourself for the first time in the mirror since the attack. You walk closer to the mirror, slowly turning your head to examine your face and all its bruises. The whole right side of your face was partially swollen and bruised. Your lip had been busted, a big gash on it close to the corner.

You touched your lip to see if it had scabbed some. You wince, pulling your hand back in pain. You hear footsteps behind you and jump back, making your legs buckle. Joel quick grabs your waist, keeping you from falling. “It’s just me y/n, you’re ok” Joel says helping you regain your balance. “ Sorry I thought- never mind” you say letting out a tired sigh, you hold on to the bathroom sink for a better balance. When Joel see’s you're stabled, he finally lets go of you.

“You need to be in bed, your leg isn’t healed yet ”he says look at you with concern in his eyes. “ I thought I was feeling better” you laugh out, limping back towards the bed. “ I hate seeing you like this y/n” Joel says sitting down next to you, “ what do you mean I look great ”You say gesturing to your swollen face while positioning yourself up on some pillows. Joel lets out a small laugh “ at least you still got your humor” he states, grabbing the mug you gave him off the dresser before handing it to you.

“ At least…- what’s this ?” You ask looking down at the cup “it's coffee, to wake you up a bit” he says “thanks you” you whisper taking a sip the hot coffee stings your lip. There’s a beat of silence before he speaks,“ I should’ve been there earlier” Joel mumbles looking at you with tired eyes before wiping his face and sighing in his hands. “ There’s nothing else you could have done” you say, putting the coffee back down on the night stand.

“No, y/n There was… I followed you, it was late and raining, I didn’t want anything to happen, so I followed, when you passed the market I followed you to that alley. I saw you there smiling with that man a-and I don’t know what I thought but… I left you, I regretted and when I turned back I saw-”

He cuts himself off looking at the ground angry distorting his face, his fist balling up tight.

You don’t respond right away, letting the words sink in before you answer. You run your hand up the side of his face, resting it there.

“ Did you like it?” You ask, staring intently at Joel, “like what?” He asked confused. “Did you like beating them bloody?” you ask, eyes never leave his search for a reaction. “Y/N I-I Couldn’t control m-“ he says slowly shaking his head as thought about the incident in detail swirl through his mind.

“yes or no” you ask again plainly “yes, I did but-“ you cut him off quickly “good, they fucking deserved it” you say angrily.

“Why did you do it baby tell my why you did it, I wanna hear you say it” you say desperately want to hear Joel’s reasoning. “ When I saw you like that… it was like I couldn’t see or feel anything but anger, I hadn’t even realized how bad it was until I heard your voice calling for me“. He says look back at you with tired eyes “I thought I had lost another person I cared for, I never wanted you to see me like that” he says with another stressed filled sigh “they deserved it, if you hadn’t come when you did…”

You takes a deep breath before talking again “all I know is when I woke up, the people who had hurt me were hurting as well and I Revel in the thought, of them knowing you killed them for me, to protect me, when nobody else would. You did nothing wrong baby you protected me”

Joel doesn’t say anything, just leaves a lazy kiss on your lips. You deepen the kiss ignoring the pain, pulling him closer, Joel cups the back of your head and you straddle him. He breaks the kiss for a second to kiss your forehead “I don’t ever wanna feel like that again” he says pain straining his voice.

#joel the last of us #joel x reader #joel x black reader #last of us fan fiction #Joel #joel miller #Joel miller x reader #Joel miller x black reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x fem black reader #pedro pascal #Pedro #pedro pascal smut #Pedro pascal x black reader #Pedro pascal as Joel #Pedro pascal /joel miller x reader #lovrre

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