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aamethyst000 · 8 months

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Aug 17,23 3:33pm - feeling a shift

lately, I haven't felt like the old me, which should be a good thing but it feels weird. on the one hand, I feel like "fckn FINALLY! I can breathe!". then the next, I feel like grieving the old me, knowing that she tries so hard and never felt like she did enough accomplishments before graduating. as if that was my only deadline to hand in my "work". I know the old me wanted to ses this through the end, but she's had enough. I need to let her go. I need to lay her down to rest now. she deserves it after all this time ♡ I think that's why I felt the need to move out for so many years. it's because I know I gotta get out of these old habits and survival skills that helped me throughout my teen years. I don't need them anymore, I am safe and I am able to be my authentic self now ♡ I can breathe ♡

aug 23,23 12:45am - I FUCKING HAVE A CRUSH ON STRAIGHT GIRL GODDAMMIT! THE ONE THING I TRIED MY BEST ‼️A V O I D I N G ‼️ FROM BLOODY HAPPENING BUT NOOOOO!!! IT HAPPENED ANYWAY !! NO MATTER THE AMOUNT OF REMINDERS I GAVE MYSELF THAT SHE IS S T R A I G H T IS UN FUCKING REAL I STG—

1:25am - I've been thinking about this for MONTHS! dude,

I kinda thought it was just "hey you're cute" and asking her if it was okay that I sort of flirted a little bit, just playful. and I wanted to be clear with her about both of our interests and sexuality. and I heard her at least 3 more times saying she's straight to other people who asked. so of course, I thought that was all the proof I needed for me to be like "hey brain? heart? don't fckn play me, she's straight, she's said so multiple of times, get over yourself"

apparently not.

Aug 23,23 5:28pm - like, is it just envy? gender envy? or just wanting to get to know her as friends? who tf am I supposed to tell— hang on.

Aug 24,23 2:53pm - I really hope that this isn't a crush and it's just me wanting to get to know her more as F R I E N D S and not as anything more. I know for sure that she is straight. i know I am not her type. I cant think of anything else but I didn't want anything romantic with her! all I wanted was to be friends, best friends even. so wtf is going on with me? I even checked in with her if I made her uncomfortable if and when I flirted at her (wasn't with cause yknow, she's straight) and as far as I know, she was honest about me NOT making her uncomfortable. I'm still trying to hold back on the flirting.

anyway, since I turned 25. u have been feeling more and more different. I don't know how else to explain it other than I can literally feel a shift in myself. it's hurting but I am learning to let go old survival tactics and habits that I no longer need in my adulthood. anything from my childhood, I no longer need, anything from my teenage years, I no longer need anymore but the teenager bit is (noticeably) hurting me more, only because I genuinely thought I wouldn't grow up this fckn fast. I certainly didn't believe it when every other adult around me told me that years go by in a blink if an eye

now I do, but I am glad I got to enjoy being in the moment in grade 11 and 12 and then the one year in university. and I am going to continue to be in the moment right now ♡

#happy #lgbt #2spirit #journal #journal entry #journalist #lgbtq #journalist amethyst000 #they/them #nature #photographer amethyst000 #photographer nature #photographer #sunset

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noisyunknowncreator · 2 years

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catchymemes · 19 days

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Ohio Total Solar Eclipse

#solar eclipse #eclipse #space #astronomy #sun #sky #clouds #landscape #nature #naturecore #science #nasa #photography #moon #photographers on tumblr

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ur-daily-inspiration · 19 days

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Someone captured the solar eclipse on an airplane

#astronomy #sky #solar eclipse #nature #clouds #photography #photographers on tumblr #tiktok #nasa #moon #sun

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cansu-m · 1 month

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emirkocturk · 4 months

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Bazen öylece rüzgarın ahengine dalar insan. silkeleyip dururken yemyeşil çimenleri..

A momentary breeze..

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dennybitte · 23 days

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crocus bed

by Denny Bitte

#landscape #nature #artists on tumblr #photographers on tumblr #original photographers #spring #crocus #flowers #denny bitte #photography

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landsccape · 1 month

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gulistan-blog · 14 days

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㋡🥀

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iknowmorethanyou · 1 month

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Follow for more ❤️

Click This For Powerfull Necklace ❤️

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aamethyst000 · 1 year

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merry Christmas & happy new year! - Dec 29,22 3:02pm

Holy fck, I slept in late. I just woke up! how has your year been? bad? good? meh? mine was like a rollercoaster, one month, I feel gross, I don't want to move or even make myself something to eat. the other 3 months, I feel like I am walking on clouds. all in all, i am learning alot of myself. also, trying my best to unlearn and let go of old habits. letting go of my past, I am thankful that therapy helps and that I found a therapist who would actually help me. I admit, this year has been rough for me but so was last year, and the year before that. I would say it is starting to get easier but it is not. however, I am spiteful and chaotic, I will not stay down long. trying that sentence made me smile, not gonna lie

5:44pm - my tooth fckn HURT, I can't eat on the left side of my mouth.

9:22pm - I definitely need to make an appointment with the dentist. HOWEVER! I will be a busy cleaning up my room for a bit. then check on my mums laundry, after that we will have ice cream ^-^ and maybe hot chocolate.

10:01pm - almost done with my mums laundry, I am currently debating if I want to have an egg sandwich rn or just scrambled eggs. all while charging my phone, I think ill be buying myself a laptop before I buy the picture printer for my phone. I want to see how it feels to type my journal entry's on a laptop instead of my phone. I am getting tired of using my phone for everything, well, almost everything. yeah, I think that is what I am going to do. I'll be doing the rest of my planning in my personal journal.

speaking of, as far as I know. none of my family members here have read my journal. as far as I am aware of, at least. I'm still pretty upset that my mother read a page. I can't be too upset though, I used to do the same when she'd leave an open letter on the table or within her area. when I really think about it. I did a lot of snooping around. I need to bring that up with my therapist.

#happy #lgbt #2spirit #journal #journal entry #journalist #journalist amethyst000 #photographer amethyst000 #lgbtq #nature #they/them #photographer nature #photographer #photography

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art-of-beauty · 27 days

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