#recovery is fucking exhausting

[borderlinebelle]

ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE LIVING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS?

Cool, me too.

I’m assembling a community of like minded humans who can relate to the feeling of their own flesh+bone matter constantly contending with their sentient consciousness in a bid for power and control over their decisions and emotions… and/or humans who love other humans who continuously battle their own prefrontal cortex and endorphin creators for a bid at happiness…

come… rest here, weary traveller. find out more below ⬇️

delivered in a clear & chaotic voice of authenticity, my content centers around conquering challenges made into marathons by, often times common, mental health symptoms.

FIRST EPISODE: MY ROTTING TOOTH THAY ANXIETY AND FEAR HELPED ME AVOID

i didn’t explicitly reveal in the video… but I lived with a rotting tooth in my skull for months until it finally fell out of my jaw, months after my first botched root canal. 🙂

EPISODE TWO: STUPID WACK TAXES AND SHOCKINGLY I END UP MORE POOR!!! BUT I DID IT! (spoiler alert)

this new editing style for the 2nd video is going to land so ✨wildly✨upon your retinas…

i wanted you to FEEL what I feel and understand what those closest to me experience when I bang their lines with a new story of hardship overcome, as friends often do 📱🧠📱

unexpectedly entertaining & a true visual representation, a reflection, of the way I often perceive and process information and life😵‍💫

EPISODE ONE… was the prototype

for a fleshy & meaty ep 2: TAX TORMENT

(because it IS and ISN’T that serious) 🫠

I also fought a bug i guess… because spring sprung all up on me…

SO JOIN ME IN BEING BORDERLINE MANAGEABLE!

You can support the channel by stubbing & turning on notifications so you’ll know when my new video drops. I really really appreciate your not being a jerk about the ad, thanks.

#borderlinebelle #mental health #mental illness #personality disorder #personal growth #recovery #support black women #support black artists #support black creatives #mental heath support #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #mentally unstable #sorry for being depressing #anxiety #borderline personality disorder #bpd #bpd community #bpd shit

[braindamaged007]

#hes just like me fr #dissasociation #ptsd recovery #ptsd vent #actually ptsd #oof lmao #memes #dank humor #dank memes #self deprecating humor #omg humor #dark comedy #darkhumourmemes #mentally fucked #mentally unstable #mentally exhausted #meme #lol memes #lmao #dark memes #stupid humor #dank meme #dankmemes #lol #funny meme #dankest memes #dark humor #humor #lol wtf #🧠

[dumbbitchdisaster]

I hate living in extremes

Its either starving or binging

Its either full recovery or full relapse

I can’t go in between, it feels like failing if I do

#disordered eating mention #eating disoder trigger warning #disordered eating cw #mental illness #mentally fucked #actually mentally ill #mentally tired #mentally exhausted #mentally unstable #ana miaa #mental health #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues #tw disordered eating #ed quotes #ed disorder #no eating #ed #ed recovery #tw ana diary #ana bllog #anatumblr #ana rant #ana trigger #tw mia

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 23

PREVIOUS

There were a few reasons that Andrew and Neil could not get past reception to go see FF or get updates on his current condition.

The first reason was that visiting hours were long over by the time they had arrived a little after midnight.

The second reason was that hospitals, in general, don’t just give out information on their patients to any random person that walks in and asks for an update on their condition. They are ESPECIALLY hesitant to give out updates on patients when the people who are asking can’t give you anything other than a first name, general description, and the reason that the patient is in the hospital.

Somehow “Completely average looking guy with the last name Smith who was stabbed in the stomach” is not enough for the receptionist to go off of.

“There are multiple people here that fit that description. I would need at least a first and last name before I could even begin to start seeing if you were someone who we even could give updates to. No, I will not continue to play your fun little game of guess the first name.” She says when Andrew opens his mouth to start listing off names alphabetically again.

So now Andrew and Neil found themselves under the watchful eye of a security guard as they sat in the back corner of the front reception area.

“I can’t believe we still don’t know what Smith’s first name is.” Neil says his face is buried in his hands as he and Andrew sit in the uncomfortable chairs trying to figure out where to go from here.

“I think she knows exactly who we want to see.” Andrew scowls towards the receptionist who, long used to the ire of the public, pays him no mind. Andrew just refused to believe that there were that many brown haired, brown eyed, average height and weight guys who had suffered a stab wound to the stomach that would have been admitted in the last two hours.

“I just hope they actually are looking after him and that no one went and forgot about him in an hallway somewhere.” Neil says hands sliding up into his hair to grip.

“That wouldn’t happen.” Andrew dismisses despite knowing that Wymack had ABSOLUTELY forgotten FF at a stadium once during the period where FF had been low presence to keep his family from bothering him.

The U-turn he had pulled had definitely been illegal when FF called and asked where the bus was when they had been on the road for five minutes. Wymack had felt terrible about it but FF had just seemed relieved that the bus had come back for him.

Wymack.

Andrew pulls out his phone and dials a familiar number. Wymack, reliable as always, picks up on the fourth ring with the sound of cursing as he got the phone up to his ear. “What.” He asks and Andrew can hear the sounds of driving and Kevin’s infamously train-like snoring in the background.

“What’s Smith first name. You know it.” Andrew demands.

“Classified.” Wymack clips back immediately.

“I need to know it so that we can get updates.” Andrew hisses.

“He isn’t interested in people knowing it and you wouldn’t be able to get updates anyways.” Wymack dismisses.

“We want to be able to head back to see him.” Neil tries.

“Visiting hours are long over Josten. You know that I’m not settling that bet that you little fuckers have floating around about this.” Wymack responds back.

Andrew grits his teeth and then forces himself to relax his jaw, “It’s not about the bet.” Andrew shuts his eyes in irritation.

That stupid bet.

The betting culture within the Palmetto State Foxes Exy team that Reynold’s had cultivated held strong even after her graduation with the remaining Foxes. The Bet had started when one of the other freshmen had mentioned that it was funny that FF went around like Cher or Madonna. The realization that none of them knew FF’s first name was one that had them placing bets on a multitude of things. Things like: “Do you wanna bet it’s a super normal boring name?”, “Do you wanna bet that it’s a weird foreign name?”, and “Is FF intentionally not giving it out to people or since he goes by his last name normally he has no idea that anything is amiss?” Had lower pools since you were betting on a spectrum. The bet with the highest pool is: “What is FF’s first name”.

Wymack had categorically refused to answer it and all other attempts to discover FF’s first name had been met with frustration. There was a solemn agreement that no one could just go and outright ask him since that would ruin all of the fun. Andrew had agreed to not ask when the team had collectively filled his freezer with ice cream cake and he was a man of his word.

The general belief (after the revelation of his major and the number of languages FF spoke) was that FF’s name was just not easy to pronounce for English speakers.

Andrew hadn’t participated but he know that the Foxes do have a running list of names they know it’s not. (Greg, Will, Smith (again), Matt, Kevin, Neil, Andrew, Aaron, Nathaniel, Jack, Beyonce (Sheena’s drunken guess), Nicholas, John, Fred, Garfield, Frank, Alfred, Augustus, Adam, etc. (Andrew had been trying to guess with the receptionist for a while))

“You’re coming here aren’t you? We can get updates when you get them.” Neil says.

“He’s in emergency surgery right now and will remain there for the next few hours most likely. There’s not going to be any updates hopefully.” Wymack says with a sigh loud enough that they can hear it over Kevin’s snoring.

“Surgery? He needs surgery?” Neil asks sounding surprised s if FF hadn’t been stabbed to the hilt into his stomach with one of Andrew’s knives. He’s about to give Neil some shit for the question before remembering that if there was any person who would think that a stab wound to the stomach wouldn’t necessitate surgery it would be Neil “I’m Fine” Josten.

“Yes Josten, he needs surgery. They have to stitch up his stomach and the surgeons are also going to be dealing with some of the ulcers that were ruptured by the knife.” Wymack explains likely coming to the same conclusion that Andrew had on Neil’s stupid question. “They were a bit worried about him bleeding out but he stabilized before the surgery.” Wymack sighs.

“I’m going the hospital since I’m Smith’s medical proxy. If anything goes wrong with the surgery I want to be there so I can make an informed decision on his care.” Wymack says and… Andrew figured there’d be surgery but to hear it and the possibility that something could go wrong, that the last thing FF had said to him had been something non-sensical about “Gracie Hart wouldn’t have gotten stabbed. I’m Cheryl at best.”as he’d started succumbing to all the blood loss. “If you could stick around long enough for me to drop Kevin off with you I would appreciate it.” Wymack says.

“What if he needs a blood transfusion?” Andrew says.

“Smith is AB-, it’s the second easiest blood type to transfuse into. Go home Andrew.” Wymack repeats.

Andrew works his jaw irritated that there didn’t seem to be a path to getting his way.

“We’ll stay here until you get here.” Andrew agrees, “But you’ll get an update before we leave.” He adds.

Wymack sighs, “Fair enough.” He says before hanging up.

It’s 45 minutes of waiting and tossing a few more name possibilities at the receptionist who seems more amused than anything at their continued attempts to guess their friend’s first name (Neil goes through the entire list of names that he’s gone by and none of them get the thumbs up).

Wymack comes through the doors with a half awake Kevin Day following his steps. “I have another favor to ask you.” Wymack says instead of any form of greeting.

“I’m not going to leave Kevin in the car overnight again. It was just that one time.” Andrew says with a roll of his eyes and honestly he’d been punished enough listening to Kevin bitch, moan, and sneeze for the following week while talking about all the supplements he was taking.

“Not that,” Wymack pauses, “I have two favors to ask you. First don’t do that. Second, would you be able to pick up Smith’s grandma from the airport tomorrow?” He asks.

Andrew blinks.

“She’s coming here?” He asks.

“I updated her on my way here. She booked a flight and will be arriving around noon tomorrow.” Wymack says and Andrew doesn’t know why he’s confused by this. FF’s grandma got him two still warm pies to cheer him up on Thanksgiving.

He’d stabbed that woman’s grandson.

“I’ll pick her up.” He agrees.

Shorter one today

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themundanemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees  @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds @thesenseinnonsense @let-tyrants-fear @ketchupandfries​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​ @lesbian-blackbeard​ @lesbiansupernatural​ @silvermasquerade​ @thepeachfuzz​ @minniemariex​ @kazoo-the-demjin​ @gaypomegranate​ @ji-nk-ies​ @neilimfinejosten​ @omgrubelangel​ @itsyouitsmeorpheuseurydice​

The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

#Fluent Freshman AU #Might be taking a bit of a break after this post #I wanna figure out the overarching joke of the next part #So FF is under the knife getting stitched up so he doesn't make an in person appearance this chapter #Kevin is coming along with Wymack because he wants to figure out the recovery time and PT FF will need #They were planning on having him be the starting Dealer next season #Honestly he can't BELIEVE that Romero would fuck up his line-up like this #Yes Kevin is aware that he is not the Captain #FF never lets anyone forget who the Captain is #It's Captain Neil #Neil and Andrew try to become close to the receptionist so she will release FF's first name #But god they are both super bad at small talk #Andrew and Neil: So...busy day? #Receptionist: Actually considering the fact its Black Friday it wasn't that bad #Neil: Is it...is it that dangerous? (Thinking about FF this morning) #Receptionist: I've seen body builders get their thigh bones snapped in half by exhausted stay at home moms for a blender you tell me #Neil: Anyone from the (location) Target? #Receptionist: Oh that was a bloodbath didn't you see the news? #The misconception that FF is a cool badass guy continues to grow throughout the Foxes #AFTG #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG Fic #FF - Pt 23

[boojangs]

The universe decided that I have too much smut left to write, and spared my miserable existence. Thank you to everyone who reached out to check on me both here and on discord, and even in ao3 comments. I made it 🩷🖤

I got an emergency appendectomy. I am miserable and hate everyone. Don't look at me. My updates are coming as soon as I can.

#when i tell you i am so fucking sore #they also told me walking will help aid my recovery and I'm like... drop dead jan #but I'm home now and gods above i am going to bed #no update yet as i am just... exhausted #I'm trying very hard to not feel like a failure 🥲 #i don't deserve y'all

[prettybones05]

My old acc got banned please share this xx

Active 18+

#4norexla #i wanna be tiny #tinybones #4nor3xia #4norexia #anor3c1a #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ed sheeran #tw edtwt #tw ed implied #tw ed descussion #tw ed ana #tw ed not ed sheeren #tw ed trigger #th1nsp1ration #th1gh g@p #th1n$pø #th1nspø #bonespø #4n4blr #4n4rexia #4n0rexic #4n4t1ps #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #4n4m1a #th1nnsp0 #tw eating issues #tw ed recovery

[ididoktoday]

#self care #mental health #self love #therapyworks #recovery #positive mental attitude #kindness #spread kindness #kind notes to self #recovering people pleaser #mental health poll #mentally fucked #mental illness #mentally exhausted #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentally drained #mental instability #mental wellbeing #mental therapy #mental illness recovery #mental problems #care for yourself #care for others #meet your needs #take care of you first #take care of your body #take care of yourselves #take care of me #take care everyone

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

#burnout #fuck burnout #don’t exhaust yourself #rest #be gentle with yourself #doodles #bad art #lousy drawings #doodle #positivity #self love #healing #recovery #boundaries

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels-“ thats funny bc today i ate until i was full for the first time in weeks and its honestly the best feeling ever

#intentionally not eating when you’re hungry is EXHAUSTING and you’re tired from having no energy and you have a pounding headache #can’t concentrate because all of your energy is spent planning what you’ll eat that day and trying to muster the willpower to not eat #Weighed in at 103.0lbs two days ago and it terrified me #Had three cupcakes and a giant plate of nachos today fuck you #tw disordered eating #disordered eating recovery

[yung-gxd]

I rarely give myself credit where it’s due because I feel like I don’t deserve it. This is an exception. I truly wish that in my entire childhood and teenage years that I had an adult I could trust and talk to about being depressed and suicidal. I yearn after all the years I’ve lost to silence that I let myself go to. I wish I get what doctors send out to 14 years old now with options to speak to them independently. Imagine if I felt safe enough to speak to a GP about how I was feeling, how badly I wanted to die. Sometimes it’s hard to think about those expired possibilities because who knows how much better I would’ve felt now if I’d gotten help at that age? Maybe I would be happier, less lonely and yearning after death so clearly. I’m sad all the time crying inside my brain because tears don’t come to my eyes no more. I’m devoid of emotion if not only on the outside. Maybe my traumas could have been healed or at least become manageable not like now where I’m getting triggered and thrown into fugue states constantly, disassociating everytime i get overwhelmed. Life could’ve been so much different so why can’t I choose to die on my own terms.

#complex ptsd #poetry #help #tw ptsd #ptsd recovery #cptsd vent #living with cptsd #just cptsd things #cptsd recovery #child abuse #childhood trauma #mental illness #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #mentally tired #mentally unstable #exhaustion #emotionally exhausted #actually cptsd #tw cptsd #cptsdhealing #cptsd problems #living with ptsd #social anxiety #abuse recovery #sad thoughts #longing #i deserve to die

[braindamaged007]

#doubt #lmao #mentally fucked #mentally drained #mentally unstable #mentally exhausted #mental illness #manic bipolar #manic depression #manic episode #manic depressive #ptsd recovery #ptsd vent #actually ptsd #bpd sucks #bpd meme #bpd problems #memes #dank humor #dank memes #dark comedy #darkhumourmemes #dark memes #meme #lol memes #dank meme #dark humor #self deprecating humor #omg humor #🧠

[dumbbitchdisaster]

Sitting through the discomfort of eating sucks

But living with an ed my whole life would suck even more

#tw restrictive ed #ed disorder #tw ed diet #ed not ed sheeran #tw disordered eating #disordered eating cw #disordered eating mention #eating disoder trigger warning #tw ana diary #actually mentally ill #mentally tired #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #mentally unstable #mental illness #ed recovery #recovery #ed not sheeren #ed vent

[ed-recoverry]

Original post

#mental health #positivity #self care #mental illness #self help #recovery #pro recovery #ed recovery #actually cptsd #actuallytraumatized #actually mentally ill #mentally ill #mentally fucked #mentally tired #mentally unstable #mentally exhausted #mentally drained #depressing shit #tw ed diet #ed disorder #tw ana trigger #tw ana diary #self h@rm #sh #disordered eating thoughts #trauma #childhood trauma #traumacore #actually traumatized #actuallydid

[insignificantfailure]

cried about my trauma again today

#personal #vent #venting #depressing shit #actually mentally ill #tw depressing stuff #tw depression #trauma related #trauma recovery #mental health issues #generalized anxiety disorder #anxitey #mentally fucked #im sad and tired #im exhausted #mentally tired #i'm sad #tw depressing thoughts

[tenspontaneite]

Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn

#covid #life of sponty #ive been sick since i got back home on 12th #infected probably 1 to 3 days before that #so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid #and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion #i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed #it's effort to stroke the cat #the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery #just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them #shits fucked bruh #also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke #it's wild #desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever #i love onions #i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine #cough was only monstrous for like a day #rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable #the fatigue is wack though #I've never been this weak before #it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective #this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks

[thethingything]

deleted a bunch of the posts from yesterday because the paranoia finally caught up with me 🙃 but anyway we can't taste properly, we're constantly shaky and wheezy and dizzy, and the cough we've got has gotten significantly worse, and I called our GP to ask about paxlovid or similar treatment and got dismissed before I could even speak to a doctor and I really, really just want to go scream at someone but that would be a shitty thing to do.

I fucking hate that people keep going out while ill and not taking even basic precautions to avoid infecting others. I hate that we're basically at the mercy of everyone else because no matter how hard we try people still infect us and doctors just end up dismissing us. this is... what, like the 6th time we've had covid and we don't even fucking go outside.

I just want a break. I just want to be able to get on with life and get my shit together without being constantly screwed over by other people's reckless decisions and a frankly ridiculous amount of bad luck

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I'm so tired and so pissed off and I need a fucking break that I'm clearly not gonna get #and I'm using healthy coping mechanisms as much as I can #I'm journaling. I'm setting aside time to relax and do self care. I'm trying to pace myself and feel my emotions properly #I'm putting effort into noticing unhealthy behaviours and redirecting them and it is so much fucking work #but I'm doing it anyway and yeah it is helping but christ alive there's only so much it can do for you #when you do not get a fucking break from shit that's actively ruining your mental health and ability to function #and I am exhausted and recovery takes energy and learning healthy coping mechanisms takes energy and I'm doing it anyway #and I'll keep fucking doing it but I desperately need our circumstances to improve too