#she just finds him annoying af

[drama-by-daylight]

Ji-Woon, after being successfully convicted in the fog for murder: What?! This is crazy!

Skarlet, his 'defense' lawyer: I know this might be a bad time right now but you owe 32,000 dollars in legal fees. 😬

#dbd #dead by daylight #incorrect dbd #incorrect dead by daylight #incorrect quotes #dbd oc #dead by daylight oc #dbd oc survivor #skarlet defended him poorly on purpose #not because she's a good person or anything #she just finds him annoying af #me too sis

[covertblizzard]

jaykyle au where they're theatre kids in the same school but they're not the actors jason's the scriptwriter/director and kyle is the prop manager (i don't know the official terms sorry) and they'd probably do an amazing job on the backstage setting if they could stop arguing for 5 whole seconds about their artistic visions and ideas and how "this would obviously work better this way"

#jason todd #kyle rayner #jaykyle #mypost #dc thoughts #vp of the club: maybe we should find some other people to do the job if they can't get along? #pres of the club: no they're both talented af and i want this to be raving success just knock their heads tgt and tell them to play nice or #i'll make them wear the get along shirt again #WAIT ONE SEC DONNA'S THE PRES and overseer she's pissed bcos kyle played the same role last year and he was chill then #wally's vp no 1 and backstage manager and he's thinking of kicking kyle out #dick's vp no 2 and main lead and he's thinking of kicking jason out bcos it's embarrassing and annoying to work with your younger siblings #kon helps kyle with props and bart is one of the actors and kon is jealous af about it he grumbles a little #roy is the fight scene choreographer #i'm trying to think of something for garth but the only thing that comes to mind i'm not sure are fitting enough #actor manager? weapon manager? oooh maybe pet manager if they have animals... human and pet manager???? hr department but including animals #ooooh maybe pet manager if they have animals #raven can play bart's love interest (in play) maybe (wally doesn't like it and neither does gar for very different reasons) #eddie deals with the contraptions they build for this bubble machines smoke machines lowering and raising anything mechanical #rose and cass helps with the weapons stuff they keep fighting too and roy is TIRED #connor plays the villain he didn't mean to or want to but he got dragged into it and he's really hot and gunned in for next years main lead #he doesnt want this #steph and mia are hair makeup costume department but bart and kon love to hangout and help too #jennie-lynn and bart are in-charge of socials #tim pops up a lot because so many of his friends (and brothers) are here and when he does he helps steph and mia #damian too pops up to help with pet management and sometimes prop art #this is much to dicks annoyance jason is already here can his little brothers LEAVE HIM ALONE SOMETIMES UGH #damian (taking cues from talia and bruce loverenemies dynamic and wanting an artist in-law): we should set jason and kyle up #dick: no / tim: hmm / dick: NO #i want to add the yj girls (cassie cissie greta anita) but i know too little about them right now but imagine they're there and the roles #are to be determined

[ziracona]

I love finding someone who’s fucking angry about stuff and ranting about it like I’m so tired of the chickenshit popular fandom stance of “ : ) I like every character and pair and/or have no opinion bc this is a Safe™️ stance and will make me no enemies which makes me popular” like get in Bitch we’re getting you a backbone. Hatred is a supremely underrated part of consuming media like I’ve never been happier than seeing Hickey ripped in half at the end of The Terror I’d been wanting to do it myself for six episodes. But like, even when it’s stuff that’s truly annoying and stupid and bad even, or gross at least and it’s super fair to be peeved about it, people pretend to like so much stuff just to be accepted and you have no idea how happy I am when I find a real one.

It’s unreal how much some people act like Only Happy is the Morally Upright Opinion on stories, & I have just so much respect for folks who take no shit, and when they see people doing that it’s just “ : ( why are you complaining about this character being racist in the way they talk to X other person? That’s my fave can’t you just pretend it’s fine and focus on the good stuff?” “ : ( : ( I don’t like that you’re saying you think this character I like is boring or annoying, and if the opinion doesn’t agree w me I think you shouldn’t say it bc it makes me sad and it’s your job to regulate my emotions will you apologize and stop?” “I don’t like that you’re bringing up this character is a super ableist portrayal bc I find that trope sexy and I don’t like it being brought to task why do you have to ruin my fun by complaining about the portrayal of DID & it’s real world effects :( that’s so mean of you can you stop?”

No.

#I love it when I find someone losing their mind in rage at like. some bastard cop character being idolized by thirsty bitches while they #ignore the entire main cast of good poc. or someone wanting to commit second degree murder over the fact people are treating this Asian #stereotype as so sexy when it’s racist AF like go off sis I sincerely love you #I love people who hate for Less like Socially Responsible or whatever reasons too. ‘I can’t stand how manipulative he is I want to grind him #into a powder and flush it down a public stall’ ‘her voice is so annoying I want to beat her with a tennis racket’ ‘she killed my fave for #no reason and is bitching about how sad & sympathetic she is and I am going to EAT her just so I can shit her out’ I am kissing you on the #mouth (if you’re into that and if not I am giving you a check for the exact price of the video game you want)

[becomingmina]

thanks for the clarification ♡

so here is the thought I had

hyunjin and reader being each other's crush but absolutely idiotic about it so they don't know the other's feelings

they have common friends that are sick of the tension between the two. one decides to tell hyunjin, the other suggests the reader to do something to make hyunjin jealous so she can find out if he likes her. (boring I know)

one time when everyone's around, she flirts with jisung or something idk and she gets too touchy so hyunjin is annoyed af. pulls her away to somewhere private and voila, they've confessed in the best way possible 😌🌸

Crush - smut w/Hyunjin. 18+ only mdni.

{Mina’s notes: Anon also wanted to throw ‘kitten’ in it (my fav pet name 👀) Also I really enjoyed writing this & love how much details you put on the request!! My box is open for feedback 💓}

You don’t know how you got in this situation but here you are; staring at your friend who is currently playing basketball, topless. Well, you’re more like drooling over him.

He just looked so good, so hot. His tall, lean, milky body just running around on the court covered in a thin layer of sweat. Normally you hate the thought of sweat, but it works for him. It works well for Hwang Hyunjin, actually. He even looks like he smells nice too. You watch as he laughs at the other players, hogging the ball like the main character in some high school drama. Your eyes waver from his pretty smile to his muscular arms to his piercing, which is sitting so perfectly under his eyebrow, then to his burgundy hair.

You pay attention the beads of sweat that trickles from his hair to his chest, dripping down his body. You gulped when you see them land on the area just underneath his belly button. You completely loss your sanity as your eyes covered that area. His treasure trail? Happy trail? Whatever people called it. Why was it so sexy on Hyunjin?

You quickly look away before anyone catches you; you shouldn’t be looking at him like that. Hyunjin is your friend.

When you meet him two years ago in your first year of college, he was just some guy in class you become friends with. He is good looking, but you didn’t find him attractive. There was no chemistry, no tension, no feelings. You don’t know how it started but you find yourself thinking about him every other hour of the day now. You would freeze when someone else mentions his name, blush when he was in close proximity of you and even stutter when he speaks to you.

“Hey.. Hey Y/N,” a voice snapping you out of your thoughts, followed by a nudge on your shoulder.

“Hm?” You answered, unaware of who was even calling out to you. You turn your head and there he was, your crush Hwang Hyunjin crouching down next to you, smiling at your blank reaction. You’re used to him towering over you since he was way taller than you but to have him crouched down like this looking at you makes you feel a bit.. timid.

“I’m going to borrow this,” he says dangling your fresh hand towel in-front of you. Oh yeah, the hand towel you carry around in your bag just in case your physical education professor makes you participate in class. The one you won’t let anyone use or even touch.

When they say having a crush makes you do crazy stuff, they do mean it. You were quick to lean him it.

“Huh.. uhh yeah, sure,” you answered, eyes travelling from your towel to his face again.

When you realised you’ve been staring at him longer than you should have, you cough and drop eye contact, making Hyunjin gulped a little bit too loud. “I don’t need it anyways you can keep—”

“—I’ll return it,” he says with a smile. “I’ll wash it first of-course.” You nod your head quietly as you gather up your belongings, getting ready to go to your next class.

“Come on Hyunjin, we are going to be late for class!” Chan, the oldest out of the friend group, calls out to him.

“So.. I’ll see you at lunch then?” Hyunjin says after noticing your quietness.

“Yeah, I’ll see you at lunch,” you mumbled, shooting him a quick glance.

“Bye bro,” Hyunjin says to Minho, giving him a handshake before collecting his bag and going off with Chan.

Minho chuckles at the scene that just unfolded in-front of him; two of his best friends obviously crushing on one another but no one is making a move. Well, it’s not really you and Hyunjin’s fault since you guys don’t know about the other person’s feelings.

“You know he likes you right?” Minho blurted out and you turn your head to his direction.

“Who?” You answered nervously. Did Minho just witness everything?

“Hyunjin,” Minho replies with raised eyebrows, his smug a little bit too cocky for your liking today. You rolled your eyes at him but underneath your skin, you are hot, flustered, embarrassed.

“No way!” you denied. Hyunjin could never like you, he only saw you as a friend.

“He does—”

You scoffed a little bit too fast.

“Do you not see the way he looks at you Y/N?” You can’t tell if Minho was being serious or not.

Minho does have a history of being a joker which makes you think he’s just pranking you. But he also is a very honest friend, he would never joke around with stuff that could potentially hurt you.

“Uhhhh—” you hesitantly reply.

Minho takes in a loud breath, “—I don’t know if you’re genuinely dense or you just don’t want to admit it.”

“He doesn’t like me,” you answered.

“He does,” Minho turns his head behind to look at Hyunjin and you followed. You watch as the two made their way across the field, Chan wrapping his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulder trying to snatch your towel away from him.

“Oh, you don’t want to give it to me because that’s your girl’s towel?” Chan laughs, basically choking Hyunjin at this point.

“She’s.. she’s not.. my girl..” Hyunjin softly replies in a cough, not sure if he was actually being choked by Chan’s big arms or by choking up at you being called his girl.

“She’s not your girl.. yet?” The older boy teased.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin questioned, hoping Chan didn’t see through him.

Chan looked back at you and Minho who was still sitting by the basketball court. You swiftly turn back to Minho, hoping Chan didn’t catch you starring at Hyunjin.

“Trust me,” Minho said with his smug face, raising his brow to the older boy across the field. “You know how to tell if he likes you?”

You stay quiet. You were curious but didn’t want to seem like it, so you just raised your eyebrow. Tell me, tell me Lee Minho!

“Make him jealous,” Minho says lifting his chin to Jisung who was currently surrounded by a group of girls shoving their gym towel into his face.

You know what Minho was referring to; that’s how Felix ended up with Nayeon. Minho suggested to Nayeon to make Felix jealous by sitting next to Jisung at some dinner since he was such a girl magnet. Next thing you know she was pulled away from the table by Felix and they have been together ever since.

You scoffed. It sure worked for them, but you weren’t going to use Jisung like that; he was your friend.

“I’m not going to use Han-Ji like that,” you replied.

“Okay look..” he blinks a little too hard at you. “Just use Han-Ji.. He is also as tired as we all are of you and Hyunjin’s….” He pauses. “..tension..”

“Who is we?” You asked confused.

Who else has been noticing your little crush on Hyunjin? Is what you really wanted to ask your best friend, but you don’t.

“..And there’s no tension between me and Hyunjin.. I don’t know what you talking about,” deny deny deny.

“Everyone in the friend group can feel the tension, you idiot,” the nickname causing you to pout. “Felix, Bin, Min, Lia—”

“—Hyunjin doesn’t like me.”

“Bet?” He was too quick with this. “I’ll let you have bragging rights if he doesn’t like you. But I get the bragging rights if he does,” he suggested.

“Huh, what?” Both of them sound bad to you. Why would you be happy with bragging rights if Hyunjin doesn’t like you back? It would sting you! And if by chance Hyunjin likes you back, you would hate to deal with Minho’s telling the whole campus he was cupid. What the hell was Minho on?

“What?” He laughed after noticing your face, full of displeasure. “I mean, the worst that could happen is he doesn’t like you back.. But then that means you get bragging rights?” Minho laughs tilting his head to the side. He can read you well.

“Dude you’re insufferable!” You rolled your eyes. He was still looking at you with his smirk.. Oh wait. “What do you mean like me back? I don’t like him,” you denied, it but wasn’t fast enough, he had caught you.

“Sure.. I know everything. Come on, trust me. I’m your best friend,” Minho nudges your shoulders. “Remember the party this weekend? How you rather sit at home and do nothing. Well maybe you should just come. We haven’t seen you out in a while.. Come, and be prettier than this..” he says looking down at your gym wear. You were in baggy sweat shorts and an even baggier t-shirt. “And I’ll help you get with him-”

“—Hey!” you shove his shoulder back. “What’s wrong with me now?!” You look down at your attire. It was gym class anyways of course you would be in this, even if you don’t participate.

“What? Nothing,” he answers playfully. “Come on, we going to be late to our next class!” Minho gets up before opening up his hand to help you up.  “Han-ji, we’re late!”

It was lunch time and you and Han-Ji ditched Minho to go down to the college’s local bakery to get some lunch.

“You’re totally not coming to the party?” Minho asked Hyunjin who was sat at the lunch table, eating his huge burrito. Seungmin, Felix and Chan were also there chiming into the conversation.

“Who’s going?” Hyunjin asked, a mouth full.

“Just the usual.. us. So, Chris, Bin, Jeongin, Yeji.. and then half of the third years are invited,” Hyunjin doesn’t look too interested. Don’t get the wrong idea, he loves his friends and parties, but he had also seen them every single day on campus, so he had no fear of missing out.

“…oh and Y/N says she’s going to come too,” Minho blurted, playing full attention to his friends reaction.

Hyunjin’s ears perks up at your name, his cheeks suddenly growing pink as he looks back at Minho.

“Actually.. I’ll come. Haven’t been had fun in a while,” Hyunjin drops the eye contact when he notices Minho’s sneer. “You want me to bring anything?” Hyunjin continues a little twitchy, playing with his food.

Minho just laughs. This was getting too exciting for him. “Bring your courage!” The rest of the boys laughed.

“What?” Hyunjin asked, narrowing his eyes at the crowd.

“You like Y/N, don’t you?” Seungmin exclaimed catching Hyunjin by surprised.

“Umm...” Hyunjin freezes. He doesn’t know how to answer. Of course, he likes you, but he didn’t want to admit knowing the boys were definitely going to tease him even more for it. But he didn’t want to say no just in case they spin it around to say he doesn’t like you at all as a friend.  

“Don’t worry bro, she likes you too,” Minho break the silence. Hyunjin’s heart stop at his best friend’s words. He didn’t know what he expected but it wasn’t that.

“Really? She likes me back?” Hyunjin replies promptly, a sheer smile pulling on his face. He was definitely blushing.  

“Back.. So you do like her?” Chan torments Hyunjin again and Hyunjin’s smile slowly faded form his face. They had caught him too.   

“Hey Y/N!” Felix calls out and the rest of the boys look over Hyunjin’s shoulder. He wanted to spin back to check but he didn’t want the boys to play more into his eagerness, so he just freezes looking straight at them.

“Hi Lix!” Your voice calls from behind him.

“Come here! Hurry!” Felix continues to make conversation with you.

“Bro just ask her out already, we’re all tired of the tension,” Chan quickly expresses.

“What tension?” Hyunjin was desperate to see what they had to say before you got to the table.

“Sexual tension,” Seungmin whispers and everyone goes silence, pressing their lips trying to hold back their smile.

“There’s no tension between me and—”

“—Okay you say there’s so tension? I guess Han-Ji can make his move then,” Minho interrupted, surprising Hyunjin again.

“Does Han-Ji likes Y/N—"

“—Shh she’s behind you,” Chan shushes the younger boy up before he could finish his sentence.

“Hey..” Hyunjin says timidly before you could even sit down.

“Hey..” you replied back, climbing over the bench so you can sit next to him. The whole group watches as Hyunjin blushed at your proximity. “Sit here,” you pat the area on the other side of you for Jisung to sit.

“Coffee and pastries for lunch? That place is like a 10 minute walk,” Chan askes from across the table.

“It’s okay, Han-ji keeps me company,” you say as you nudge Jisung a little bit and you both open up your pastry bag.

Hyunjin glances at you from aside, he stays quiet.

Hyunjin doesn’t know how to feel. He didn’t expect his boys to catch on about his feelings for you and he didn’t expect Minho to blurt out that you like him back. Hyunjin is also confused after seeing how close Han-Ji is to you too, he never really questions your close relationship until now. Does Han-Ji actually like you? Thoughts flood his brain as he continues to eat his burrito.  

You rushed home from your last Friday class to get ready for the party. You threw on one of your mini sun dress, pairing it up with some sandals and a cross body bag before collecting your black cardigan and rushing out to Yeji who was ready in the living room waiting to do some pre-party shots with you.

You and Yeji tipsy-ly made it to the loudest house on the street. Lee Minho’s residency. It was only 8pm and it was already crowded. She held your hand and clumsy pulls you through dim-lit hallways packed with people before reaching the living room. There they were, all of your friends in the living room with a drink in their hand, conversing with one another.  

“There they are!” Seungmin yells as he sees you and his girlfriend. He quickly makes his way to rip Yeji off you, pulling her into the kitchen to get a drink.

“Wow, my best friend finally came to one of my parties!” Minho appears out of no where handing you a beer.

“I was here two months ago Min..” You playfully rolled your eyes. “When you and Nayeon vomited everywhere and me and Felix had to bathe you guys.. naked,” you refreshed his memory.

“I remember.. Crazy night..” Minho laughs. He stops to look you up and down before grabbing your shoulders. “Very pretty Y/N. You planning to make someone jealous?” He complimented before getting back to his little mischiefs.

“Maybe,” you answered looking around the room. You hadn’t seen Hyunjin yet and Minho notices.

“Your boy is hella tipsy by the way, he keeps telling me he’s nervous but won’t tell me why,” Minho informs you.

“He’s not my boy.”

“Sure.. okay, anyways so not your boy is currently staring at you from behind,” Minho also announced as he stares at Hyunjin from over your shoulder.

Hyunjin’s heart stops at your presence. He has always found you pretty but tonight, he found you extremely gorgeous. Maybe because tonight was the night, he was going to let you know about his feelings. He takes another sip of his drink, pondering how he’s going to pull you away. He wanted to find the perfect timing, he didn’t want to do it too early just in case you reject him, and he has to go home early.

He watches you as you make your way to Jisung who was currently sat on the tiniest fucking armchair he had ever seen.

“Han-Ji!” You were going to follow Minho’s instructions; you either leave tonight with Hyunjin or rejected by Hyunjin but with bragging rights.

“Hey Y/N, you look like you had a couple of drinks already,” Jisung says as he touches his owns cheeks to indicate where your pink complexion was. You nodded bashfully to your friend before getting up on the arm of the chair to sit.

“It’s wet there, I just spilled my drink there. Come here,” Jisung stops you before you could sit. He pulled your arm so you can squeeze next to him on the tiny fucking armchair. You hope Hyunjin was watching.

“You okay?” Jisung asks cupping your face to lean your head against his shoulder - he knows how tired you get when you drink.

“Mhmm,” you closed your eyes as you continue to converse with your friend.

Hyunjin was still watching everything from the other side of the room. His hand was wrapped around his drink tightly, expressing his annoyance at the skin-ship and at himself for not pulling you away the second you got here, like he wasn’t waiting all night just for you to arrive. He starts to feel a little jealous now that your attention is on Han-Ji. And maybe Minho was right, and Han-Ji does have feelings for you.

He had to do it. He had to pull you away and ask why you hadn’t noticed his feelings for you all this time. He feels himself grow hot, he was feeling tense.

Hyunjin takes in a deep breath before downing the drink, squeezing his cup on the process. The plastic from the red cup causes disturbance making the boys turn their head at their friend.

“You good, pretty boy?” Changbin asks noticing the change in Hyunjin’s demeanour, taking the red cup out of his hand.

“Yeah, just need some air,” Hyunjin says running a hand through his fluffy red hair as he makes his way to you.

“Can we talk?” Someone askes from above you and you instantly open your eyes, locking eyes with them.

You feel your heart skip a beat as you finally see him. He had on some baggy jeans with a black t-shirt, one sleeved rolled up complementing his muscular arm. God, he looked so hot; you feel yourself drooling over him again.

“Okay.” You answered softly.

“Come,” he says, grabbing a hold of your hand making you get up from the chair. You heart start to flutter at his brace. Was it happening now? Is Hyunjin jealous?

He guides you through the crowd of people in the living room before dragging you up the stairs and towards Minho’s bedroom. He lets you enter first before locking the door behind him.

Your eyes wonder around Minho’s bedroom - his room was dark, quite clean, quite quiet for such a loud guy. You scoff to yourself quietly at the contrast. As you spin around the room, Hyunjin watches you and smiles at your cuteness before getting back to his senses of why he pulled you here in the first place.

“Are you drunk?” He asked suddenly.

“Hmm? Not quite yet,” you answered, making your way into Minho’s ensuite. “Why?” You asked so he can follow you, just testing the waters.

You placed your bag on the counter before digging through it trying to find your lipstick.

“What are you doing then?” Hyunjin asked towering behind you looking at you through the mirror.

“What do you mean?” You glance up at him to ask before going through your bag again, acting like you had no idea what was going on, even though your heart was beating just as fast as his.

“What were you doing up on Han-Ji like that?” Yep, he saw everything.

“I wasn’t on him?” You lied.

“Y/N.” He was getting a little be frustrated at your replies, you were obviously up to something.

“Why does it matter to you anyways—”

“—It’s making me jealous.” Hyunjin interrupted you making you glance up at him again. Minho’s plan was working. Minho was right.

You spin around to face him and finally, you can feel the tension everyone was talking about. He likes you. You feel your heart beating rapidly as he stares into your eyes. Your breathing becomes heavier as he takes another step towards you. You try to keep eye contact just to see if he drops it first, but he doesn’t. Your eyes drop first, to his lips then up to his eyes then back to his lips. They looked so full, so soft. Wouldn’t be crazy if you guys just kissed?

“Hyunjin?” You say above a whisper, lips forming into a pout right after. Hyunjin found you so precious looking up at him like this.

His resting face rapidly turns into a smirks now as he watches your eyes flicker to his lips. He knew what you wanted; he knows how you feel now. “Hmm?” He questioned, just to tease you a little bit.

“Can you just kiss me already?” You say, not begging but with a hint of desperation. You like him and you just confirmed he likes you, what were you guys waiting for?

He chuckles before his hand comes up to your face, cupping it for a second then he leans and kisses you. His lips felt so soft, so warm just like how you imagined them felt. You couldn’t explain the feeling, it was like you were in dream, it’s incredible.

Soon Hyunjin deepens the kiss, letting his tongue enter your mouth as one of his hand keeps your face in place, the other snaked down your body to your waist. Your tongue swiped against his lips, and you tasted a bit of lemonade and tequila. If this was a way to drink tequila, then you were all for it.

“Up,” he pulls away to say and you listen jumping onto the counter with the help of his grip. You spread your legs so he can stand in between them. He looks at you in awe, he couldn’t control his smile.

“You didn’t answer me..” he says as his hands find their way under your dress just resting on your thighs.

“Hm?” You whimpered, wanting his lips back on yours.

“What were you doing up on Han-Ji like that?” Hyunjin asked again, a little lower, a little more raspier now that he’s more confident to dominate you.

“To make you jealous,” you whisper back to him, admitting to all your little shenanigans.

“Why?” He couldn’t hold back his smile.

“To see if you like me back.” You say, and his ears perked up at your words.

“You got your answer?”

“Mhmm..” you admit.

“Good.”

“But.. want to hear you say it,” you reply cheekily, your arms coming to wrap around his shoulders to pull him close to you so your lips are barely touching.

He lets out an airy breath before pressing a kiss to your lips, letting it linger on for a little bit just to make your heart flutter once more for him. “I like you,” he says, and you try to conceal the smile pulling up on your face. “Happy?”

“Yes.”

“Where were we?” Hyunjin says and you pull him back onto you.

Maybe it was the pent up sexual tension you both had been holding in as, as soon as your lips were connected again, it became again heated. His hands are fondling with your thighs, and his tongue is slipped back down your mouth. You feel a hot sensation making its way to your core, a moan slipping from your lips. He smirked in between the kisses, his hands inching up higher now hiking you dress up.

Hyunjin continues his kisses down your neck, and you tilt your head back, letting him cover more area with his lips.

As he harshly sucks on your neck, your hands start to explore his body, caressing up and down his chest, down his covered stomach. You slowly creep them lower to his hard on that was pressing against the counter, begging to be touch. He lets out a groan at the contact.

“Hyunjin?” you whimpered at how stiff he was. You both wanted more but not on this cold bathroom counter. “Are we actually doing this here?” You ask.

“Where else would you do it?” Hyunjin looks down at you his a raised eyebrow, his hands stopping at your hips.

You look around before cheekily suggesting, “Minho’s bed,” and he cracks up.

“Come,” he takes a step back to hold your hand as you jump off the counter.

Hyunjin pulls you back onto him as he sat back on Minho’s bed - it was comfier than he expected, it was actually quite comfy to fuck on actually.

“You’re such a good kisser, it making me so horny,” He says, gripping your thighs so you’re straddling him. You feel his hard-on abusing your core and you become like jelly, draping yourself onto him. God, it was also making you so horny.

Are you both really gonna fuck in your best friend’s bed? Probably.

“Hyunjin?” You start to suck on his neck, returning the marks he gave you. “Wanna blow you… can I?” You asked, rolling your hips onto his.

He sucks in a sharp breath at the pleasure, halting your hips. “Fuck— kitten..” The pet name slipping from his lips, making you stop whatever you were doing to look him in the eyes. Did he just call you kitten? And did you like it?

“Yeah? Wanna be a good kitten? And suck me off right here in your best-friend room?” He teased after seeing your eyes lit up at the name.

“Yes.. wanna be a good kitten,” you replied, lifting his shirt to slowly to expose his abs, your hand lazily runs across his milky body.

You shuffled back, kneeling down by the bed before peeking at his happy trail. You finally got to see it up close, and you didn’t waste anytime before attaching your lips to it. Hyunjin’s hand flung to hold onto your hair and he lets out a groan as you suck the skin around his navel.

“You’re just like a kitten, nipping into me like that,” he moans.

“You love it,” you teased him.

“Yeah I do..” he confesses breathlessly. “Couldn’t stop thinking back to gym class yesterday.. how you eyed it all lesson..” Oh, so he caught you staring but didn’t say anything?

“Was it driving you insane?” He torments and you murmured nodding your head.

“God, kitten… need your mouth now, I’m might cum untouched,” he begs and you chuckle, blowing hot air from your mouth at his skin causing him to flinch.

You give him what he wants. You undo his jeans, shimmering it down his thighs before palming him through his boxer.

“Y/N, please..” he begs again, closing his eyes to hold in his release.

“You’re so big,” you say the second you pull down his boxer letting his red rock solid dick slap across his stomach. You didn’t expect him to be him to be this big, this thick. You gulp at it before wrapping your hands around him. “Wanna taste..” you blabbered as you brought his tip to your lips.

Hyunjin’s head kick back as you wrap your lips around his head. His hands gripped your hair tightly as he starts to set the pace, and you let him. He pushes you down taking half his length into your mouth before guiding you back up. You moan as he slides down your mouth, unable to control the pleasure you were having from just giving him head. Once you go match his pace, Hyunjin lets go of his grip and runs his through your hair, endlessly praising you as he tries to keeps himself together.

“You’re so good—” he sucks in another breath.

You take him fully into your mouth and gagged once he hits the back of your throat. “Ahh, cuming- cuming—” he lets out a low grunt as he paints your throat white. You swallow the warm thick liquid before letting go of him with a pop.

“Kitten, you’re so perfect. Such a good mouth,” he says finding your arm and pulling up to sit on his lap.

“Can I return the favour?” His hand wrapped around your hips, his finger carefully gathering the fabric of your skirt so he can expose your panties.

“I don’t know if I can keep quiet Hyunjin,” you admitted. You can still hear the loud music outside, even if it was muffled by the walls but a part of you’re still afraid someone might hear you. You couldn’t even keep it in while making out, nor sucking him off, you don’t know how you’ll be if you guys actually have sex.

“But I can’t leave you high like this,” Hyunjin replies, his two fingers just touching the fabric of your panties that was getting soaked by your wetness. You kick your head back at the pleasures “I just know you’re wet from sucking me off.. Let me, let me just eat you out..” he begged, his eyes turned dark full of lust.

“Please,” you gave in, out of breath.

Hyunjin plants a kiss to your neck before laying you down on the bed.

“Fuck, you are soaked,” Hyunjin says the second he lifts up your dress and sees the huge wet patch on your underwear. He kneels down and peels it off, watching a thin line of your wetness pulls off with it. Hyunjin spreads your legs wider and his eyes rolls to the back of his head as exposes you. You were wet, glistening, it was so hot to him.

You let out a moan as the cold from Minho’s room brushed against your core. “Please, need your mouth,” it was your turn to beg.

Hyunjin complies and attached his lips to your pussy. “Ahh! Mhmm.. More..” you weren’t kidding when you said you don’t know if you can keep quiet.

Hyunjin buries his face deeper as he contents to lick all over you, his nose rubbing against your clit. He was basically pussy drunk at his stage, gripping and pulling your hip closer to his faces. Your head falls back as you feel the pleasure building up in your core, your thighs volunteering closing around his head to add more pressure.

“I’m going cum, please.. Hyunjin— gonna cum..” you whine as he harshly sucks on your clit now, it was basically the cheat code in making you cum and he was able to get it the first time.

You moaned as you feel a glush of wetness explode from your core, you had cum. Hyunjin can tell you’re orgasming but he didn’t want to stop, you were too addicting.

You had to rip him off of you before you were overstimulated. “Hyunjin, too much,” you whined and he finally lifts his head.

“You taste too good kitten, sorry couldn’t stop,” he says and he wipes your wetness around his mouth with the back of his hand before licking it.

“Come here,” he jumps on the bed, pulling you into his arms. He runs his finger through your hair as you recover. You both stare at each other for a while before falling into a fit of giggles. How crazy is it that you were each other’s crush and not realising it.

“Should we go back out?” He asked smoothing down your hair.

“I have to touch up my lipstick first,” you say, pecking his nose.

“Let me help you,” he pulls you up from the bed before back hugging you to the bathroom where your bag was.

“Back to mine tonight, okay?” He reminded you softly as he wipes your lipstick in your lips - a hint of innocence radiating from him like he didn’t just lap up all your juices like a greedy animal.

“Of course, I have no where else I rather be tonight,” you answered, grinning from ear to ear at your pretty boy.

“Can’t believe it took you to squeeze into that tiny chair with Han-Ji for me to tell you,” Hyunjin beats himself up.

“It’s okay Hyunjin, I reckon the timing was perfect,” you reassured.

The house was packed now than before, it took you and Hyunjin a while to squeeze through all the people. Minho watch as you both hold hands, happily, making your way down the stairs, his smug pulling back on his face.

“Who got the bragging rights?” Minho asks cheekily as you both walk past him.

“You.” You answered rolling your eyes and Hyunjin laughs.

“You also got a messy bed too, bro,” Hyunjin taps Minho by the shoulders before following you.

Minho was left mouth agape as he stares up at the stairs. “Did they just…”

#becomingmina #skz #stray kids #skz smut #stray kids smut #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #lee know #hyunjin smut #Hyunjin suggestive #hwang hyunjin imagines #hwang hyunjin request #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin x y/n

[satoruxx]

SWEET SNACKS.

✧ PAIRING: gojo satoru x reader | 2.3k words

✧ SUMMARY: tooth rotting fluff, meet cute, battles with inanimate objects, reader's got exams bc i have exams, satoru's whipped af (as usual), sorry i love writing him as a simp, reader is also whipped bc this is gojo satoru, bonding over snacks !!

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: if you saw me tryna post this yesterday no you didn’t. this was supposed to be a quick drabble oops. but it's finals week so i'm offering this piece of fluff to maintain sanity and gush over the meet cute i will never have. if y’all are also dealing with finals, i'm wishing you the best !!

satoru strolls down the bustling streets with a quiet hum, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets to keep them away from the bite of the cold breeze. his boots crunch against the thin layer of melting ice that has formed overnight, now warming under the cold afternoon sun that coyly hides behind gray clouds.

honestly, he wasn't the biggest fan of weather like this, and he wouldn't have stepped out on any other day. but one meeting with the higher ups had his mood souring, and shoko had suggested he take a walk, maybe grab something to eat.

he knew better than to argue with her, especially since she could somehow read him better than most people could—scary.

so here he was, trudging down the streets of tokyo with his hat pulled over his ears, cheeks pink from the frosty air as it dances across his skin. despite the weather, satoru thinks there's something oddly peaceful about the city, the quiet chatter and sounds of boots scuffing against pavement as he turns a corner to head to the nearby vending machines he's frequented so many times.

the peace is broken by an annoyed grunt, and satoru looks up.

"are you serious?" another irritated groan. "of all the days…"

he takes in the scene with interest.

even with all the anger that he's not quite understanding, he thinks you're so undeniably pretty—puffy jacket hugging your body and the warm scarf resting around your neck. your brows are furrowed, exasperation tugging your features into expressions that shouldn't look so endearing.

you groan again, slamming your curled fist against the glass of the vending machine—frustration ticks at your brow.

and why wouldn't it?

nothing was going your way today. it had already started off badly, the atmosphere filled with gloom that made it impossible to want to leave bed. but you had to force yourself to miserably extract your body from the warm cocoon of blankets and pillows that urged you back with a siren's call—a promise of comfort that looked all too enticing.

and then, when you finally did manage to drag yourself to the library to sit down and study, nothing was sticking. you read through paragraphs over and over until your head was spinning, dizzy with information that wouldn't absorb, and that fact is nothing if not disheartening. the impending quickness with which your final exams were approaching made you feel even sicker, so you decided to take a twenty minute break to grab a drink from the nearby vending machines.

but of course, even that couldn't just work out.

satoru watches you stand in front of the machine with a glare, before you're shoving your weight against it, huffing as it remains in place and hoping that at least one of your efforts will prove to be fruitful. he's talking before he can help himself.

"hey, you need some help?"

you turn to face the owner of the voice, finding cerulean eyes behind black shades that so directly contrast the white of his snowy hair. he's tall—abnormally so as he peers down at you with curiosity and a bit of mirth.

you think you've never seen a man so handsome in your life.

then you remember he's asked you a question, and you attempt to swallow down the unnecessary nerves that have taken root in the pit of your stomach. "oh, my uh…my drink got stuck," you reply somewhat lamely, cheeks heating up under his gaze as you think about how utterly ridiculous you must've looked to passersby.

satoru's eyes travel from your face to the machine, noticing the way your drink of choice is stuck in a frozen free fall against the glass and the rack. he sighs in exasperation. "tried hitting it?" he asks, walking closer to stand next to you and take a closer look, even though he knows the answer already.

you're not sure what it is, but this man exudes a certain energy—confidence that leaks through his very skin. it makes you feel like you have no right to be standing this close to him, but all he does is smile at you patiently, waiting for an answer.

so you nod, brows ticking again as the dull throbbing in your fist reminds you of how you had lost the battle with the greedy machine. "yeah, i've been hitting it for the last ten minutes. didn't budge," you sigh, checking your phone to see that there are only a little over five minutes remaining for your quick break. "what a waste of time and money."

satoru watches you shrug helplessly, smiling up at him. "oh well—"

he takes two long strides until he stands right in front of the machine, grips the edges, and shakes it hard.

satoru can feel you gape at him, at the unfiltered display of strength, and the unbothered expression on his face that tells you it didn't faze him. you hadn't been able to move the machine even an inch.

his powerful movements earn you a tell tale thunk, and your heart leaps in excitement as he bends down to push his hand through the slot and pull out your drink. he returns to his full height, an easy smile on his face as he turns around and hands it to you.

"thank you." your voice comes out breathless, a weird kind of excitement thrumming through your veins because it feels like you aren't supposed to know this man.

satoru's smile stretches further when your fingers graze his, taking the drink and popping it open eagerly. he watches you take a sip, oddly pleased with himself at the sheer joy on your face. he doesn't quite understand why this drink looks like it's made your day, but he doesn't ask because you look so sweet drinking it.

"how did you do that anyway?" you ask after you drink a little, curiosity so obvious in your tone. "i tried so hard to move it and it didn't budge at all."

satoru smothers a smile, fighting back the urge to say something stupid. instead he grins, cheeks warming a little under your eager stare. "guess i'm just strong."

you make a face, raising a brow with a playfully disbelieving expression as you cross your arms—to which satoru just laughs. "what's your name?" he asks.

you purse your lips, hiding a smile as you tuck your nose behind your scarf. you give him your name, almost shyly, and satoru tests it on his tongue. he decides he likes the flow, cocking his head as he replies with his own.

"satoru."

for once, the pressure of his last name doesn't permeate the air, and he's all too grateful for it. he turns around to approach the machine again, and he can feel your somewhat confused gaze on his back.

you watch as he stands there for a good minute, his back to you as he ponders the choices in the vending machine like they'll lead to life or death. then he shoves in a bill and clicks a few buttons, and within a couple of seconds, you hear the thud of two things falling.

he remains facing away from you for a few more seconds and then turns around, and you see that he's bought a chocolate bar and the same drink that you have in your hands. you raise a brow.

"well you did almost just lose your life trying to fight a vending machine for it," he says, shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly. "figured it'd be good to try."

you sputter over your words, embarrassment crawling up your neck, but satoru laughs good-naturedly. his eyes shine with mirth as his shoulders relax. "i'm kidding." he stresses, smiling into the collar of his jacket. "but it does look good so…"

he opens the drink and takes a sip, eyes squeezing shut dramatically as he hums at the sweet flavors washing over his tongue. you suddenly feel like getting revenge for his unfiltered teasing.

"well?" you hum cheekily, taking a sip of your own and raising a playful brow. "taste good?"

satoru laughs—a full, pristine sound that makes him throw his head back. "yeah," he agrees easily, feeling oddly fond of the way your voice curls around your words. "it's sweet, i like it. you've got great taste."

somehow the words of this man you've met not five minutes ago cause the muscles of your heart to trip over themselves. you watch him peel open the candy bar, a brand that's unfamiliar to you.

"what'd you get?" you ask, unsure of where the confidence to speak up is coming from. a man like satoru—so unflinchingly ethereal—would normally have your lips zipping and throat muted.

he holds up the bar with a grin. "my favorite."

there's a pause, followed by your sheepish smile, and satoru gapes at you, cerulean widening so clearly behind a backdrop of white. he takes in your innocently confused expression and his ribcage shakes with thuds. "what, you've never tried it?!"

before you can even shake your head no, he's breaking off a piece and handing it to you.

"no, oh my goodness, it's yours—"

"take it." he pushes his hand closer to you, eyes staring imploringly, and you sigh, reaching up to take the piece from between his fingers. a graze of skin—he's warm.

"thank you." you slip the piece past your lips, not at all surprised by its sweetness and yet a little taken aback by its underlying comfort—a rush of warmth.

"good." you're nodding, smiling between chews as satoru's stomach flips. "really good."

he chuckles, all too triumphant for something so menial. "told ya."

you laugh, a quiet subdued sound that satoru wishes he could hear more of. "thanks for getting my drink out," you say. "i really needed it today."

"oh yeah?" he finds himself asking. "how come?"

you sigh, smile dropping as a bit of fatigue makes itself comfortable on your face. "ah well, i've got final exams this week. i've been studying like crazy. nothing's really sticking, and the closer i get to the exams, the more annoyed and stressed i get."

satoru hums, not envying you for a minute.

"so it kinda felt like a kick in the butt from the universe when the drink decided to not just…"

he laughs again, taking another piece of chocolate and chewing on it soundlessly. "i gotcha."

you grin, curling your fingers around each other to diffuse some warmth back into them. "yeah."

there's a silence that follows—not uncomfortable, not unwelcome. you take quiet sips of your drink, and satoru breaks off little pieces of the chocolate bar to chew on. his eyes linger on you, watching the way your lips curl around the bottle, the way your fingers rub against each other, the way the cold has settled into your nose and cheeks and made a home amongst your skin.

when you look up at him, he looks away, throat oddly parched. his fingers flex.

"here, the rest is for you," he says, pushing the half finished candy bar into your hands.

you shake your head immediately. "no way! you paid for it! besides isn't this your favorite snack?"

satoru shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets with a grin that looks too happy. "you liked it, didn't you?"

you nod, slowly, like you're confused at what he's getting at. "well then, enjoy the rest of it. i buy them all the time—i don't mind sharing this one."

you can't help the soft smile that graces your lips, looking up at him with an odd sense of gratitude and surprise—touched that someone could be so casually kind.

"then thank you," you laugh quietly, eyes fluttering against the gust of cool wind that tickles your skin. "i'll enjoy it."

satoru grins, uncharacteristically pleased—he won't ever admit it, but he's glad shoko told him to take a walk. he'll have to thank her when he gets back.

he clears his throat, offering you a small wave as he turns on his heel to head back to the school. "well then, see you around. good luck with your studies, yeah?"

you smile with a gentle nod, oddly rejuvenated after seeing bright blue eyes and snowy hair. "thank you."

and then he's disappeared into the crowds. you laugh to yourself quietly, looking down at your drink and the half-eaten candy bar nestled between your fingers. a part of you feels strangely forlorn, wishing that you had the guts or confidence to talk to him a little longer—ask a little more.

but you've never been good at that, so even just this small happiness you'll take in stride. you grin to yourself, shoving the drink into your bag and slinging it over your shoulders.

you begin walking back to the library, fingers breaking off pieces of the chocolate and savoring the sweetness on your tongue. somehow you didn't expect a man with such an imposing presence to enjoy simple sweet things like this, but that just makes you all the more fond of him.

by the time you've reached the entrance of the library, you're shoving the last piece of chocolate into your mouth, sighing as the doors of reality swing open once more. the meager slice of giddiness that enveloped your very being dissolves, and all the reminders of what's left to do come back to suffocate you.

you bite back a groan, about to throw the empty wrapper in the trash when something catches your eye. you double-take, peering down at it with wide eyes and rapidly heating skin. there are a set of numbers scrawled there, along with a haphazardly written message:

in case you need someone to fight another vending machine for you -satoru <3

#jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jjk drabbles #gojo satoru headcanons #gojou satoru x reader #gojo fluff #satoru gojo x you #gojo satoru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo x you

[janaispunk]

come morning light

chapter 2 • series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: An injured Joel and Ellie stumble into your home in the middle of the night. Against your better judgement, you decide to help them.

word count: ~2.5k

tags/warnings: post outbreak, slow burn, found family, age gap (sorry not sorry), able-bodied reader, angst, reader has a sad sad backstory and ptsd, hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual smut, vague description of an injury

a/n: i'm finally finished with chapter 2, and once again nervous af about it haha. there's not terribly much happening in this one, but i promise we'll get there, it just needs the buildup :)

thank you @catchallfangirl for beta reading <3

follow @janaispunknotifs for fic updates and find my full masterlist here :)

dividers as always by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🤍

You don’t feel like you’ve slept at all, but after hours of tossing and turning in the darkness of your bedroom, you think it’s probably time to get up. 

You’re halfway convinced that last night’s events were a product of your imagination, that your mind has felt so lonely that it conjured up the whole scenario. But when you step out of your bedroom and find the door of your parents’ bedroom only halfway closed, the way you have never left it before saying good night to Ellie earlier, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might actually be your reality. 

Ellie seems to be sound asleep, a lump under the covers, softly breathing, but when you head to the living area and switch on one of the smaller lamps, you’re met with the piercing glare of Joel. He’s still lying on the couch, much like you left him, still pale, still dark shadows under his eyes, but he’s much more awake now, his gaze following your every move. 

“Hey,” you say softly, sinking down on the same armchair that you sat in when you watched him last night while Ellie took a shower. You suppress a shudder at the way he regards you, his eyes flicking up and down your body, taking in your size, you presume, searching for weapons. Your gun is tucked into the waistband at the back of your pants, which you’re sure he’s already aware of. You don’t like the way he makes you feel, like somehow you’re intruding on him. You should have the upper hand, this is your home and he’s injured, you helped him for crying out loud, and here you are, nervously watching his every move. You did the right thing. It’s gonna be fine. 

“Where’s Ellie?” he asks, ignoring your greeting, his voice gruff. 

“Sleeping,” you reply, nodding your head to the bedroom door. “She’s okay, I promise.” 

Some of the tension seems to release from his body and he slumps back down a little, but the distrust in his expression when he looks at you doesn’t waver. Then again, you’re probably not much different. 

“Look,” you sigh, “I’m not playing some kind of game here. You came into my house, I saw that you needed help, so I helped.” You try to infuse your voice with as much confidence as you can. “Don’t make me regret that, okay?” 

He shrugs, a noncommittal grunt the only verbal answer. It could potentially be interpreted as a thanks, you guess. In a less tense situation, you’d probably grow annoyed by now. Shrugging yourself, you get to your feet and head to the kitchen. Anything to escape the way he’s watching your every movement.

“Hey, do you want coffee?” You don’t really want to offer him any, but you’d feel weird drinking it yourself without asking. 

He pipes up at the question, head turning in your direction, his face the most open that you’ve seen it yet. “You have coffee?” 

“Yeah.” That’s why I’m fucking asking. 

“I– yes.” A breath, a second of him not meeting your eyes. “Thanks.” 

You smile, small, fleetingly, busying yourself with the ground beans and the boiling water, reveling in the smell that slowly spreads throughout the room. It reminds you of happier times, when the world was still normal. 

He has pushed himself into a sitting position, breathing heavily, when you walk over to hand him the steaming cup, still careful to keep your distance. 

After you sit back down, the both of you stay silent for a few minutes. You enjoy the bitter taste on your tongue, the way you slowly feel your energy rising. 

“Does it hurt much?” you ask eventually, gesturing towards his stomach. 

Another grunt, the hint of a head shake. 

“So it does.” He opens his mouth, the protest most likely already on his tongue, and you raise an eyebrow. “I have painkillers, are you sure that you–”

“No.” It comes fast, his voice raised, no room for arguments.

You instinctively flinch back at the unexpected louder sound, the cup shaking in your grip. You set it down on the table in front of you. Have your hands free, just in case.

There’s a hint of regret in his eyes, his free hand slightly raised, palm open. He’s trying to calm you down, you realize. 

“Okay,” you breathe, working hard to keep your voice steady, “no painkillers, got it.” 

“Sorry,” he mutters, his face half hidden, words almost lost behind the cup. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“It’s alright,” you tell him as much as yourself. 

You’ve gotten jumpy, not used to loud sounds anymore, raised voices, not used to humans in general, you suppose. You hadn’t fully realized it until now, until there’s other humans around you again.

“Thank you,” he continues unexpectedly, “not just for the coffee, but– you know.” He’s struggling, the words not coming easily, but you think that he’s being earnest. “Patching me up.”

“Of course.” You nod hastily, your heart still beating a little too fast. 

Another moment passes in silence, both of you slowly sipping the coffee. He’s looking around, taking in his surroundings, eyes lingering on the closed wooden doors and the stairs leading up. You try not to get nervous about it. It’s normal that he would want to know more about where he is, after all. 

“This is the basement, right? Is it safe?” 

“Yeah,” you breathe. “No way to get in from outside.” As long as you stay inside, you’re safe.

He hums, appreciatively, you think.

“How long have you been living here?” 

“Always. It’s my parents’ house. I mean–” you laugh, but it comes out hollow, “we lived upstairs, obviously. But my dad was… kinda crazy. Or– not that crazy, I guess, all things considered.” Your lips curl into a wry smile. 

Your mind flashes back to long lectures about survival techniques, learning how to shoot, your father going on and on about first aid, hunting, all the things that you couldn’t have cared less about as a teenage girl, but were ingrained in your brain nonetheless. You’re grateful, now, but it’s laced with guilt about how often you snapped at your father, how often you told him he was paranoid, seeing dangers that weren’t there, that he was wasting your time. You couldn’t have known, the rational part of you argues. But you can never take it back now, the guilt whispers. 

When you look up, Joel’s eyes are on you, eyebrows raised in question. You shake your head, trying to clear it. Stay in the present.

“Sorry, what did you–?” 

Worry is painting his expression. “Are you okay?” 

Don’t show weakness. “Yeah, of course. Just spaced out for a second.” 

You force a smile onto your face and stand up rather abruptly, gathering both cups and putting them into the sink. Joel hasn’t moved, but you feel his eyes on you as you move. 

“Do you, um, do you want to shower, maybe? Or just wash up, I don’t know, how–” You gesture towards the dried bloodstain on his flannel, forcefully keeping your tone light. “I have clean clothes, too, if you want.” 

A shiver runs through you at the thought of going through your dad’s things, of someone else wearing them. He doesn’t need them anymore. He’s not coming back. 

You know that you’ve gone silent for too long again even before you see Joel’s expression. He doesn’t ask this time, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t place, something that almost looks like understanding. 

“Yeah, I guess cleaning up a bit would be nice. I– thank you. Again” 

His voice is gruff and he avoids your eyes. You think that he doesn’t like it, having to thank you. Owing you. 

Giving him a nod, you head to the bedroom, hoping not to disturb Ellie, but she’s awake already, her eyes glinting in the light that’s falling into the dark room from the living area. You clench your jaw, heading for one of the drawers, trying hard not to think about what you’re doing. It’s not like he ever wore this stuff, it was just sitting down here. It’s fine, you’re fine. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not about you,” Ellie says quietly from beside you, breaking through your racing thoughts. 

You turn towards her, confusion on your face. “What is?”

“Joel,” she shrugs, still keeping her voice low. “He’s like that with everyone. He’s a bit of an asshole, really.” She sounds fond, saying it, like it’s an endearing character trait. 

A surprised laugh escapes you. “I– okay, thanks, I guess.” 

She waves it away, swinging her feet out of the bed. “No, thank you for not murdering me in my sleep.” 

“Yeah, likewise.” You shake your head, still laughing to yourself. It’s so easy to like the girl, to feel like you already know her. 

You hand Joel a pile of clothes, purposefully avoiding to look at them too closely, explain where the towels are and he grumbles his approval before the bathroom door closes behind him. 

You release a breath and close your eyes for a second. You are undeniably warming up to Ellie, finding it almost impossible not to, but her companion is a different story. 

“Hey, do you drink coffee?” you ask in the direction of the bedroom. 

“Ew, no!” comes her reply as she steps out of the door, collecting the wild mess of hair on the top of her head and securing it in a ponytail.

Her offense at the mere suggestion makes you chuckle under your breath as you busy yourself with preparing breakfast in the form of porridge instead. She’s leaning against the doorframe, watching you, her eyes wide as she takes in the cupboards full of supplies. 

You’re glad that you don’t need anything from the storeroom, keeping that door in the corner firmly closed. You want to trust her, want to trust them, but a feeling of unease still lingers at the thought of letting them know just how much you have.

Instead, you voice another question, a thought that fills you with unease as well. 

“Hey,” you begin, keeping your eyes trained on the stove, “I’m sorry, but you and Joel, there– there isn’t anything weird going on, is there?” 

“Like what?” She sounds slightly defensive, but when you steal a glance at her, she’s eyeing you with curiosity. 

“I don’t know, like…” You shrug, stirring the mixture of water and oats, “you want to be here, he’s not forcing you to come with him or anything, right?” 

“No, don’t worry about that,” comes her reply, almost amused. It was a bit of a stupid question, when you think about it, considering how worried she was about him last night, how protective. 

“Okay,” you smile at her. You’re curious nonetheless, how they ended up together and where they’re headed, but it’s probably not really your place to ask. 

You divide the porridge into three bowls and hand her one, while you carry yours and one for Joel back to the living area and set them down on the wooden table. 

Ellie starts shoveling the food down immediately and you’re left wondering once more what happened to them and when they last ate something. 

“So…” Ellie begins, her mouth still half full, “you’re just down here with all this food? Because your dad stored it here, before… things went to shit?” 

You can’t blame her for her curiosity, you’re aware that you’ve probably found yourself in a better living situation than most people. Your thoughts go to the storeroom again, basically stuffed with enough supplies to last you multiple lifetimes, especially now that it’s just… No.

You hum in affirmation, not trusting your voice and you’re thankful that she’s too distracted by her breakfast to notice anything weird about your reaction. 

“So you don’t go out hunting or anything?” comes her next question. You freeze. 

You did go hunting, back when you cared about variance in the meals you prepared, about using fresh ingredients when you could. Until there was no need for that any more. 

You realize that Ellie is saying your name, not for the first time, judging from the look on her face. 

“Sorry,” you mumble, your hands tightening around the bowl. “No, I- I don’t go hunting.”

If she finds the situation weird, she shrugs it off impressively fast. 

She nods to herself, eating quietly for a minute, before she speaks up again. “So what do you… do? Down here all day?” 

“Uh…” What is it that you do all day? Time has been blurring together, days without anything happening repeating on a constant loop. You realize that you don’t remember, can’t talk of any activities that are part of your day. How long has it been like this?

You’re relieved from having to answer by Joel emerging from the bathroom, his face pale and his breaths going heavy. He has put on the sweatpants you gave him, but his torso is bare, the skin around the injury still an angry red. 

He sinks back down into the cushions with a heavy sigh and you quickly get to work, cleaning the wound once more and giving him more antibiotics before you redo the bandages and hope for the best. Your hands don’t shake as badly as they did last night. 

Ellie gets him some water and pushes his bowl of porridge into his hands, urging him to eat, before she turns to you. She’s trying to be strong, to hide her worry, but the pleading look in her eyes when she asks you if he’s gonna be okay tells a different story. 

“Of course,” you say, giving her what you hope to be a reassuring smile. 

Joel does look better after he’s eaten something, but his eyelids are drooping and after a few more minutes, his eyes close and his breath evens out. You do the dishes and check the cameras, calming down a bit more when you’re sure that everything seems to be quiet upstairs. 

When you return to the living area, Ellie is rummaging through her pack, muttering to herself, until she pulls a book out of, proudly turning the cover for you to read it. No pun intended - Volume Too.

She starts reading them to you while you settle back down with a second cup of coffee and you share her laughs, enjoying the way it makes her look lighter, allows her to be a kid who can laugh at stupid jokes. You ignore the sting it causes in your chest because you once knew someone who would have loved this book just as much as Ellie does.

thank you for reading 🤍 if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an ask, it truly makes my day every single time!

#fic: safe and sound #janas fics #joel miller #ellie williams #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedrostories

[weebiewrites]

Things in the Miraculous movie that were way better than the show

Everything

Ok but actually, adjustments made in the movie that vastly improved the show’s canon:

Marinette’s awkwardness being equally applied to everyone she interacts with. Having her reputation be that she is a walking disaster makes Adrien’s (and Alya’s) kindness to her more impactful. Also makes Chloe’s bullying more believable. IN GENERAL makes Marinette’s character more believable.

In the same realm, the entire school and world not revolving around how perfect and cool Adrien is fixes SO. MANY. THINGS. The only person at school who seems to care about his status is Chloe, which not only makes his overall character less annoying, but also adds to Chloe’s characterization.

Speaking of Chloe, making her an actual character and not a bitch who torments her classmates relentlessly for no reason? Like yeah she’s still a bitch and a bully but she has sense of decorum and won’t take it too far if her reputation is on the line.

Sabrina having agency? Hello??

The subtilization of Marinette’s crush on Adrien. Like, hello, she has a lot of shit going on! She doesn’t have time to be swooning over her classmate all day! Yet another thing that makes her more believable.

TIKKI AND PLAGG CHOOSING THEIR OWN HOLDERS. Fuck Fu. Kwamis are literal eldritch gods, why wouldn’t they have a bit of agency?

The entire sequence of Marinette saving Fu. A clever way to have Fu meet the holder while still having Tikki be the one who chooses. Also way better storytelling for him to not intentionally put himself in danger to find a holder, makes the whole thing more organic.

The addition of the rule that the Tikki and Plagg only awaken when there’s a miraculous-level threat. Gives actual purpose to the role of the Guardian, imo.

Unpopular opinion but Tikki’s personality change was great. Once again, literal eldritch God!

Not to harp on this, but once again, the kwamis still having some level of control and AGENCY even when their holders are transformed. Tikki being in Ladybug’s yo-yo and actually guiding her was cool af and WHY WOULDN’T SHE BE ABLE TO DO THAT???

Ladybug and Chat having more general abilities BUT not having their special abilities right away. The sequence where Chat caught the invisible bullet? Cool af. And Ladybug NOT having the reset button right away really raised the stakes and honestly just felt right. It was really rewarding and triumphant when she used it towards the end.

The earrings/ring glowing as a way to communicate when one of them is not transformed. Such a good and cool idea.

Adrien and Marinette frequently hanging out together in a group with Alya and Nino without it being weird!!! Jesus!! Let the kids be kids!!!!!

Gabriel Agreste being less of a piece of shit.

Chat Noir’s “You’re my sidekick!” To, “I’m your sidekick!” progression. Followed by Ladybug’s, “we’re partners!” Immaculate.

Marinette gaining confidence as Marinette from being Ladybug AND ALSO SPECIFICALLY from her partnership with Chat Noir. LET THE SUPERHERO CHILDREN HAVE A MEANINGFUL AND UPLIFTING PARTNERSHIP FFS

Speaking of, LADYNOIR HANGING OUT

LADYNOIR PLAYFIGHTING

Ladybug liking Chat romantically maybe before the 5th fucking season? Making Chat’s first confession less cringey bc she actually really likes him back and totally wants to kiss him? Being internally conflicted ab it?

Marinette confessing right after she gently lets Chat down for the first time, literally perfect angst set up

Adrien BEING ABLE TO STAND UP TO HIS FATHER. Fuck Sentiadrien.

Gabriel being capable of feeling human emotions

Identity reveal

#ml #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml salt #miraculous movie

[pennyellee]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

title: champagne confetti pairings: heartthrob!jk, yandere!jk x fashion employee f!reader genre: dark romance, smut, porn with plot, 90s word count: 14K beta read by @chaoticpuff17 release date: 24.1.2024 23:00/11 PM CEST - 17:00/5 PM EDT

summary: You, a determined fashion designer, find yourself entangled in a collaboration with the irresistibly charming and egotistic heartthrob, Jeon Jungkook. Will this partnership remain strictly professional, or will he make the lines blur?

warnings: minors dni 18+ | sexual tension, emotional distress, teasing, unprotected sex, jk is selfish af, jk is delulu, oral (fem and m receiving), spanking, implied cum swallowing, creampie, soft yandere behaviour, obsessive behaviour, choking, rough sex, pussy pounding, bruises, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language disclaimer: this story is purely fictional, it does not depict real-life events or involve any actual members of BTS. This story will contain strong language, explicit content, obsessive behaviour, alcohol drinking, illegal activities, oppressiveness, which we do not condone.

author's note: so, ehm, this story got way outta my hands, it was supposed to be a goddamn rom-com with enemies to lovers trope - i wanted to build around the character trope of Rachel Green from Friends because she is my favourite character of all times, what i wanted to build around was how Rachel was offered a job at Louis Vuitton but it was in Paris - that was supposed to be the whole plot (with slight changes ofc), well and somehow it went in a different direction. Nonetheless I really enjoyed writing this fic and i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much. See you on the 24th chummers, love you! 🩵

“I know you took it,” you said, crossing your arms on your breasts. The heels of your black leather boots echoed in the apartment when you turned to face him.

“Took your breath away by that heated kiss, sexy, certainly. Otherwise I did not take anything.” Jungkook scoffed, crossing his arms defensively. The tension in the room was palpable as you square your shoulders, refusing to back down. You blinked twice at his cheesiness. The tip of your tongue moved to rest on the bottom of your upper teeth, your smile spreading on your face. The chuckle came out of you so naturally, laughing at his ridiculously ridiculous behaviour.

“Don’t play dumb, I know it was all you. You malicious sabotaging petty boy—” You retorted, articulation perfectly clear while the words laced with underlying frustration and anger.

He sighed, weariness settling over him. “You think I stole your portfolio to sabotage your career? You’re giving me too much credit, love.” Here he comes.

“I said nothing about my portfolio, Jungkook.” You said playing with his name on your tongue. A tense silence hung in the air as he considered your words, clicking his tongue, clearly annoyed and you were just getting started.

“I managed to figure that out. A drink?—” He offered, shrugging her statements of like snow in summer whilst he moved to the small bar that was a part of his spacious living room.

“I don’t want a drink, Jungkook. I want it back now,” you replied, your tone cutting through the casual offer. The anger in your gaze intensified, fuelled by the frustration of dealing with his nonchalant attitude.

“Let’s talk, baby.” He gestured towards the living room, as if trying to usher you into a more comfortable setting for the impending confrontation. He knew this was just a little shower, the real storm was still far away, giving him space to prepare.

As you moved, you couldn't help but notice the contrast between your demeanour and his. While your arms were still crossed defensively, his posture exuded a calm confidence that irked you further.

You took a seat on the edge of the sofa, not willing to fully settle into the illusion of camaraderie. Jungkook, on the other hand, sprawled onto a nearby chair, the picture of nonchalance.

“I need that portfolio to get a job because a certain someone has to be bitchy and sabotage my whole career because his big ass ego cannot take rejection. Give it to me,” you fired off, your words sharp and accusatory. He leaned back in the chair, smirking.

“Those are very bold words, Y/N. I would prefer to think of it as a wake-up call for you, not sabotage.” Your incredulous glare only intensified.

“Are you fucking serious Jungkook? A wake up call? You’ve just jeopardised everything I’ve worked for, and you’re calling this a wake up call?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze locked onto yours.

“I can get you a better job.”

You scoffed. The audacity of his response fuelled the simmering anger within you.

“You can’t get a shit, so give it back to me, and I’ll be on my way,” you requested.

Jungkook’s smirk remained, an infuriating mix of arrogance and nonchalance.

“No,” he said, smiling. Your hands clenched into fists at your sides, the frustration reaching a boiling point. He leaned back, seemingly unperturbed by your rising anger.

“What do you mean no?!” you shot back, your voice sharp.

“You were about to make a decision that would have consequences beyond your imagination. I had to intervene.”

“What the fuck are you on again?” Jungkook’s gaze remained fixed on you, the intensity of his stare almost unnerving while your voice went an octave higher. Your frustration reached its peak, and you stood up, pacing the room as you ranted. You were breathing heavily, trying to calm yourself.

You needed that portfolio, it was a collection of years of a work and your best work to be specific. The lousy new version won’t get you a job at no high-profile fashion brand and you cannot afford to go lower than your last position.

“Alright—” You said defeated, turning yourself to face him again, you put off your black leather jacket and fixed your low ponytail, slumping back to his sofa. Spreading your arms on the backrest and cross your legs.

Jungkook took a moment to breathe in the sight before him; he was throbbing for you.

“—what do you want?” you asked. He leaned back further into the chair, putting his masculine tattooed arms to rest on the back of his head, showing his abs from under the white tank top he is wearing.

“What do I want?” he mused, as if contemplating the question but he already knew.

“Spill it out.” You barked and he chuckled at your eagerness. He got up from his seat and dangerously slowly walked towards you.

When he reached you, both of his arms pressed to the leather of the sofa inches from you, caging your body. Your breath stammered as you looked at him towering over you, the golden chain around his neck hanging.

“Firstly, I want you to be my good girl, apologise for being a brat the other day and admit there is an “us”. Secondly—” he whispered seductively, closing the approximate distance while doing so. He was right in your face, looking over at your lips evidently he was controlling himself to not attack them. He invaded your personal space. The sudden shift in atmosphere left you breathless, and you could feel the heat radiating between you.

You squared your shoulders, refusing to succumb to the intoxicating energy he exuded. “I won’t apologise for any shit, now secondly?” You said while trying to hold your horses. You hate to admit your pussy was clenching and leaking under his gaze. He was attractive, and no one could deny that.

His fingers grazed your cheek gently, a teasing touch that sent a jolt of electricity through your body. You swallowed hard, trying to maintain a semblance of composure.

“I want these feisty little plump lips wrapped around my thick cock—”

.

.

.

read here

©pennyellee. please do not repost

tag list: @pamzn - @jaedayy - @mylyus-blog - @vanillacupcakefrosting - @jjeonjjk7 - @darkuni63 - @jeonaraathedreamer - @urlovelily - @kissyfacekoo - @looneybleus - @btspurplesky - @seokseokjinkim

ps: lemme know if you want to be additionally tagged! 🩵

lots of love, 𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖞𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊

#bts fanfic #bts #bts fic #soft yandere #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts jungkook #jungkook seven #jeon jungguk #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x calvin klein #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook yandere #bts x reader #jungkook scenarios #bts jk #bangtan #bts smut #yandere bts #yandere jungkook #90s aesthetic #fashion au #heartthrob #fic: champagne confetti

[espinosaurusrexex]

!this is a repost because something was wrong with the original!

Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun with this. Already looking forward to all the other imagines lined up 🥰

Secret Relationship (Bingo Game)

!BINGO ASKS CLOSED!

BuckyBarnes x Female!Avenger!Reader

word count: 1.4k

warnings: fluffy af, little angst

Your eyes stared over the coffee mug at him from across the room. He was stealing glances over to the kitchen in which you sat as Sam and Tony tried to convince him to meet the smoking hot yoga teacher bachelorette the two of them had found for him this week. 

You felt a little bad for him, to be honest. Bucky seemed exhausted from their constant nagging. It was weird to see the two men together like this. Normally, Tony and Sam would just pass in the hallway with subtle nods. But when it came to finding a woman for Bucky, the two could be mistaken for best friends. 

“Her name is Ronda and she is hot.”

“Mhm. Gives hot yoga a whole new meaning.”

“That’s right. And she’s willing to meet you!”

“Well, I’m not willing.”

“Why are you always like this, Bucky? We go out and we find you a nice girl and you decline every time.”

“Maybe he’s like this because Dr. No over here isn’t getting laid. Which is why you should go on this date.”

“I don’t need to get laid to be in a good mood, Tony.”

“We don’t know that. You’re always grumpy and you’re most certainly not getting laid. Doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me.”

“Oh, that definitely isn’t a coincidence.”

“I’m a scientist I know that stuff.”

“Yeah, he’s a scientist. Listen to him.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

But Bucky was panicking, you could see it in his eyes. He wanted to say it, that he didn’t want to go on dates because was already dating you. But you had forbidden him from doing so. It was better this way, and he had not spoken up when you suggested keeping your relationship a secret for now. 

With a small smirk, you got off your chair.

“Have you two geniuses ever thought about your annoying banter being the reason for his bad mood?” You sauntered past the men with your mug still in hand, the other slightly grazing Bucky’s back on your way to the door. You could feel his muscles relax just from the small touch. 

“How are we being annoying? We are literally helping him get some.”

“I don’t need to get any!” 

That was the last thing you heard Bucky shout frustratedly when you entered the hallway, a small chuckle leaving your lips before you went to your room to finish the report you had yet to hand in. 

-❁-

It wasn’t long before Bucky entered your room with an exhausted sigh. He leaned against the closed door when you looked up and then proceeded to approach you at your desk, where he leaned over your shoulder, arms caging you to his chest and chin nuzzling in your neck. 

“They’re the worst,” he mumbled into your sweater before placing small kisses along your neck. 

“I know, baby.” You stroked his arms. “For the geniuses, they claim to be, they’re really hardheaded.”

“I feel like it’s just me they’re bothering with this. For all they know, you are single too.”

Another pang went through your chest. Bucky had not been part of the team for long. And you had spared him all of the details about most members that Steve hadn’t already told him about. 

There was a reason why Tony and Sam didn’t suggest eligible partners to you, and that was because you had multiple suitors amongst the team and beyond already. If you wanted to have someone, they just assumed you would get them. Not to mention the total embarrassment they had witnessed when you had rejected Pietro in front of the team during movie night. You hadn’t meant to, but he had sprung it upon you without warning, and you hadn’t wanted to lead him on. 

Then there was Peter, the intern, that harbored a silly schoolboy crush on you since he had gotten his first action figure of you, and letting him down gently was harder than you had thought. Tony and Sam, especially, had gotten amusement from the frequent serenades and suggestive fan mail you received. They even suggested an “open mail + wine night” for their personal entertainment one time. And, well, you didn’t say no to wine and gossip. 

But despite all this, it wasn’t the reason why you wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Bucky had been closed up from the very first time Steve introduced him to the team. It had taken two months for him to reply to simple questions such as if he wanted coffee, too. But somehow, you had the honor of being the first person he trusted after Steve. And once you had gotten to know him better, he was the sweetest person ever. Caring, funny, charming - very touchy. But you were scared this would go away once everyone started teasing him about it. So yes, it might have been to protect Bucky, but it felt more and more like personal gain to you. 

“I want you to know that I don’t need Yoga Brenda, or Coffeeshop Mandy, or anyone else. I just wanna tell them that I’m already dating the most gorgeous woman they could ever find.”

“You are wonderful, do you know that?” Your head leaned against his shoulder when you felt Bucky smile into the crook of your neck. “And I guess I could deal with a little more PDA - warm the team up to it slowly.”

“Sounds like a great plan.” And with that Bucky turned your chair and pulled you up and towards the bed. “Until then,” he patted his lap once he sat down, “I demand a kiss for every time I had to vouch for us.”

You smirked before straddling him. “Oh, I’ll gladly pay up, then.”

-❁-

You knew Bucky was touchy, but now that he had permission to do so outside your rooms, it lit a whole new fire within you. You couldn’t reach the cupboard? He would press up against you with a hand on your hip and get whatever item you needed. You walked through a door? You bet he would hold that thing open until you were all the way through. 

But those were just the, in his way, subtle approaches for when everyone was around. When the two of you happened to catch a quiet moment, he wouldn’t hesitate to hug and kiss you in every common area of the compound. 

You didn’t mind it too much - Bucky was a great lover all around. But you were still a little nervous as to what the team’s reaction would be. You had already gotten glimpses of it. A raised brow from Natasha, who really was just surprised it had gone past her for so long. A double take from Pietro when Bucky brushed an eyelash from your face. And a knowing smile from Wanda, who to be honest, had probably known all along - your thoughts weren’t exactly subtle... or PG.

Though you had yet to see Sam or Tony react to the increase in affection Bucky gave you. It wasn’t unusual that he asked you to train or make a joke - you were friends in everyone’s eyes. But it would become obvious if he kept up the thing he was doing right now. 

Bucky had just swiped some chocolate from your face in the kitchen, and when Clint had left the room, Bucky’s hand just lingered on your face. You were staring at him. And every time those eyes gazed into yours, it was hard to remember that there was a world around you. 

“I like this,” Bucky smirked when his thumb grazed over your cheek. His mouth followed shortly and soon he was stealing pecks from your soft lips.

“It is very nice,” you admitted flustered from the kisses, your hands now grabbing at his shirt. 

“See, it’s not so bad.”

You just hummed in response when Bucky patted your ass affectionately.

“Ahhh! What did I just see?” Sam’s eyes were wide, his head immediately snapping to Tony. You just sighed as you leaned against Bucky’s chest. It had to happen sooner or later...

“Holy smokes, Barnes. Had we known you got Miss Unattainable, we would have shut up a long time ago.” Tony whistled in acknowledgment before he approached the fridge and retrieved a water bottle.

Bucky just looked at you with a lazy smile, his hands rubbing up and down your back. It was nice not to hide anymore.

“What can I say?” He was looking into your eyes when he spoke. “She likes to keep me to herself.” And when you responded with a smile, he leaned in and kissed you shamelessly.

“Geez, get a room,” you heard Sam mumble gruffly. 

But all you could do was giggle as Bucky hid his smile in the crook of your neck, his scruff tickling your skin and the weight of the secret falling from your shoulders.

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[kentosbabes]

Pool time

Best friends older brother trope with Gojo (smutty af)

Gojo, your best friend’s older brother, fuck this is going against every girl code in the world. You grew up with them, your families were close so you spent every summer at their grandparents and they came with you on holiday. And to be fair, you never saw him like that anyways, that was until this summer. Usually, he’d be stuck in hisgaming with friends or outside playing basketball. You stayed with your mother for the first half of the summer, and you were invited to stay with their family for the rest as she had a holiday booked with your father and Gojo’s parents abroad. It was just like normal, except well it was evident that he had a really good summer.

Walking into the living room and dumping your bag on your best friends bed, you went to get a glass of water and some snacks to watch some tv with. But there he was, hair annoyingly perfect and my god did he have abs now? Sweaty, shirtless and glistening. You could’ve had an aneurism right there and then. “-n, Y/n?” Spaced out of course you did, “Hey! How have you been stranger?” He throws a signature smirk your way and did your stomach just flip flop?

This isn’t right, you should see him like a brother or at the very least a very platonic friend. You both conversant with each other, it was like no time had passed- he still teases you and you still get playfully annoyed at his dumb remarks. You explain the situation, that you’re staying here until both of your parents come back from their vacation. “Well, it’s good having you around it hasn’t been the same without you.” You couldn’t tell if he was flirting with you or just playing around.

Days turned into weeks, and your time at the Gojo house proved to be an adventure of its own. There was an unspoken tension between you and Satoru that made you confused the most. It was the late-night conversations on the rooftop, stolen glances across the dinner table, and playful banter filled the air. There was an undeniable magnetism pulling you and Satoru closer together, yet the fear of jeopardizing your friendship held you back.

With each passing day, the bond between you and Satoru grew stronger, and the line between friendship and something more became blurred. The forbidden desires that had remained dormant for years began to surface, igniting a flame that couldn't be extinguished.

One scorching afternoon, as you lounged by the pool, the heat seemed to intensify between you and Gojo. Your friend left to hang out with her boyfriend so it left the both of you to try cool down in the pool. Beads of sweat trickled down your temples as you watched Gojo emerge from the water, his toned physique glistening.

You shook your head, unable to tear your eyes away from him. The air was thick with an unspoken tension, and your heart raced in anticipation.

“Do you feel this? Tell me I’m not crazy,” he starts to swim closer to you, “We can’t do this, you’re my younger sisters friend,” Gojo is looking at your lips and deep into your eyes.

“Yes, you can, I’m eighteen and she doesn’t need to know and if she finds out she can get over it.”The heat is unbearable, the tips of your noses are touching and you’re breathing in synchronicity. “Fuck,” he pauses, “I guess we are.”

Closing the gap between your lips, kissing you in the pool, underneath the water, his fingers are already slipping inside the lining of your suit, long, insistent. “Gojo,” you plead.

Sitting on the edge of the pool step, you settle in his lap- your chest still underwater but your head available for his miscreants. As you settles over his lap, a growing bulge you pretend isn’t there, like his dick isn’t burying itself up in your skimpy suit. “Please, Gojo,” you whine, you start to ache- unconsciously grinding on him. “I gotta say, I love hearing you say my name like that.” Kissing your neck and bitting the love of your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“You’re already wet for me right now, I can tell the difference between the slick your pussy makes and water.” He pulls the bikini bottom aside and his cock slides between your soft thighs, up against that wet flesh. Prodding. Teasing. Hard.

As he stretches you open, the initial thrust inside is slow and pleasantly sharp. He's big, shifting his hips slowly for you to take it all in. He feels unlike anyone you’ve ever been with; there's a sadistic edge to his slowness, dragging each stroke as if he wants to slide over every nerve in the tight confines of your cunt. “Fuck, I know you like this so let me hear it, she’s gone to the shops and won’t be back for a while.”

Moaning louder and whimpering his name like a mantra you listen well to his commands.

You gasp into his mouth, unconsciously raising your leg up to wrap around his waist as he supports you with his arm, your fingernails clawing at his shoulders as you feel yourself reach your high, the coil in your tummy snapping. Water rushes around your waists, splashes between your bodies, and you feels so warm, so weightless. Blissed out and fucked out.

“Gonna cum? I know you are I can feel it, it’s ok I’m right here, you can do it, don’t act like you don’t want me to fuck you even harder than this. You’re clenching and squeezing my fat dick that’s buried in your cunt, I’m right here babe. Come for me baby. ”

“Y/N? Gojo? I’m back! What’s up?” Your friend of five years asks, Gojo drapes his arms around you like he’s giving you a hug, innocent, friendly. “Nothing much, it was too hot in the house and we wanted a dip in the pool,” you quickly added.

“Ah, well I have an assignment that’s due tomorrow so I can’t join you but I put the ice cream in the freezer so feel free to get one.”

Gojo’s sister leaned in to theatrically whisper, “But if I catch you eating my Ben and Jerry’s cookies and cream ice cream I’ll kill you.” You shifted yourself further back into the pool to avoid her seeing what you two are doing, immediately regretting it because Gojo’s dick hit a spot that sent you a little haywire. Causing you to gasp. Your friend looked at you in concern, “Just stood on my foot wrong” reclaiming your composure.

Gojo started to rock his hips, pushing back into your soft body, ass bouncing against him underwater, before the door hushes over the frame again. Quietly shushing and grabbing a handful of your soft ass, squeezing and rubbing. He buries his fingers into your flesh till you feel that you’re going to be bruised. At this point, his cock is so hard that the friction of it inside of you makes you feel so full, that it’s so achingly deep. You cum fast and hard, ducking your head under the water and covering your mouth lips with his hand.

“We need to do that again. Fuck.” He whispers into your ear.

#kentosbabes #jjk headcanons #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen #jjk gojo #gojo smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo saturo #gojou satoru x you #gojo imagine #gojo satoru smut #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo x you #satoru x reader #pool #poolsex #exhibition

[chronicdisasterwrites]

you touched my hair and i almost passed out

pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader

genre + warnings: - SUPER FLUFF !!! jealousy, pining, kissing, megumi being a fantastic lil' wingman, swearing, a lil s2 spoiler.

word count: 2,750

summary: PART 3 of the gojo series !!! satoru is flustered, reader is dense af, she touches his hair and he almost dies.

enjoy this mess lmfao

“You’re pathetic.”

“Excuse me?” 

Megumi looks uninterested and downright disappointed as he glares at his teacher. Whereas, Gojo Satoru looks bewildered as to what he might've done to make his student extra bitter today. He always finds a way to piss Megumi off; even sometimes just by breathing too loudly.

Megumi rolls his eyes and sighs as he goes back to reading his book. Satoru crosses his arms across his chest as he leans back on his chair and crosses his legs. He waits for Megumi to explain himself, only to be answered with pure silence and an overwhelming aura of pity. 

Satoru pouts and scoffs, “Seriously?”

Megumi simply takes a sip of his ginger tea as he looks at Satoru with his usual look of pure disdain. He clenches his jaw as he looks as if he's waiting for Satoru to figure it out already, but to everyone else around them, it simply looks like they’re in the middle of a serious staring competition. 

“Your pining. It's pathetic.”

Satoru’s jaw drops and he quickly closes it and leans forward, putting his arms on the table, and staring intently at Megumi through his sunglasses. Megumi is unfazed.

“I am not pining. I am simply observing.”

Megumi raises a single brow and looks back to where you were standing and conversing with some guy. You've been talking to him for quite a while now and Satoru has been hopelessly staring since you left the table you three were seated at. Megumi turns back to look at Satoru and scoffs, “Yeah. Sure you are.”

This time Satoru does nothing to hide his gaping jaw. He lets out a humorless laugh and slaps his hand on the table,

“No no seriously, I don't care if she talks with some guy. I mean, it's totally cool. Some random guy shows up outta nowhere and sweeps her off her feet whereas I have been here all this time giving her very obvious signs all of which she'll just blatantly ignore, so yeah yeah it's totally cool.” Satoru leans back and crosses his arms across his chest, all while his face is burning red and Megumi almost sees smoke come out of his ears. 

Megumi’s eyes are wide with concern. Mainly because people around them heard Satoru’s little monologue and are now muttering amongst themselves and some even snickering. Megumi could die from the embarrassment. He always knew his teacher and guardian had a very obvious thing for his other teacher and sort of guardian. You were pretty much always around since Megumi and Tsumiki started living with Satoru. Or more, near Satoru, because there’s no way anyone could make Megumi stay in the same apartment as Gojo Satoru. So he and Tsumiki stay in the apartment right next to Satoru’s. And according to Megumi, you were a saint for tolerating Satoru’s ridiculous antics for so long. But Megumi’s observant. He sees through people, and he could see very well how much you both liked each other. In fact, it was sort of endearing at first; watching the two of you do small things for each other, give each other fleeting glances and hidden smiles, ghosting touches on each other's skin. But now, it's just plain annoying. The unreleased tension is killing Megumi and the boy is only 13. He shouldn't even know what this tension is. That's how obvious you and Satoru were. And Megumi had had enough of this ridiculous pining.

Sighing, Megumi crosses his arms across his chest and furrows his brows, staring intently at his guardian, “Just be a grown-up and tell her.”

Satoru scoffs, “Tell her what? That I obviously don't like her? Sure thing.”

Slapping a palm on his face, Megumi wishes he could slap the immature adult sitting across from him instead. Before he lets his intrusive thoughts win, you walk over and place a bag on the table, right in front of Megumi and Satoru. They both look at you with quirked eyebrows and you smile, thinking how strange it is that they both look so similar.

“This is for you. Call it a ‘first day as a teacher’ gift,” You look at Satoru with that dazzling smile and Satoru feels his resolve dwindling. Curses, he thinks. He skeptically peeks into the bag and sees a black box wrapped with a ribbon. Looking back at you through his glasses, he raises a silvery brow, “Did your little friend give this to you?”

Your smile drops and morphs into a perplexed look,

“What, Haru? No- wha- I bought this for you.”

“Ah, so he has a name. Didn't ask but okay,” Satoru huffs and you see the muscle in his jaw twitch. You cross your arms and stare down at him with extremely confused eyes, “What’s your problem?”

Satoru sighs, places a couple of notes on the table as he stands, and takes the bag, “Nothing. Forget it.” He walks away, you presume to the car, without another word. You look at Megumi and see that he's already looking at you with expectant eyes. You shrug and point your thumb at the obviously pissed-off man, “What’s with him?”

Megumi stands, tight-lipped, “He’s being a child because he’s scared of his feelings.” 

You're absolutely bewildered now. Feelings? What feelings? What did I even do? Wait- Is he jealous? No way. 

You think Megumi can see into your mind as he raises his eyebrows and looks at you, hoping you'd crack the code. When you simply stare with a slack jaw he sighs, “Talk to him, please.”

He follows his guardian and you stand there wondering what the hell was going on. 

—-

Satoru enters his apartment with a heavy heart. It's ridiculous to act like this, he knows that. You don't deserve his attitude just because he is incapable of expressing himself like a normal human being. All these years, he's loved you. As a friend first, then at one point, it exceeded that, and now he can't imagine his life without you. It's suffocating and he just cannot bring himself to tell you. He wants to, but then his mind fills with thoughts that keep him up at night and rob him of the little sleep he tries to get. What if you freak out and refuse to even be friends anymore? What if you run away? What if you say you feel the same way and then you end up breaking up? I don't deserve you. You can have someone normal, with a normal life, and a normal past. What if I can't make you happy? What if someone targets you because of me? What if I can't protect you? What if I lose you? 

Satoru sighs as he removes his glasses and puts them on the empty dining table, in the empty room, in his empty apartment. He pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales. I should apologize, he thinks. He will, but first, he'll open the gift. He takes out the black box and takes off the ribbon, opening the lid. His eyes soften as he lifts the long, midnight-blue blindfold. He smiles to himself. You remembered. He remembers years ago he told you he would start wearing a blindfold since glasses stopped being effective enough for his Six Eyes. He remembers telling you the glasses were hurting the bridge of his nose so a blindfold would be the best option, but he was too picky and couldn't find the perfect blindfold for his “perfect” eyes. He couldn't believe you remembered, considering your reaction when he told you this minuscule information was a simple, “Okay, you do you.”

He takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. I'll tell her. 

—-

“Hey, you busy?”

You jerk from the sudden voice as you turn around to see Gojo Satoru standing in your living room, uninvited. You breathe heavily as you relax your clenched hand that effectively ruined the report you were working on before getting so brazenly startled. 

“What the hell, Satoru?”

Satoru smiles sheepishly as he scratches the back of his head. He holds up the blindfold and says, “Thanks for this. I didn't think you'd remember.”

You sigh and turn back to continue working on your report, “Of course I remembered, Satoru.”

His heart is pounding and he can't remember ever feeling like this. He feels like a child with a crush and he doesn't know what to do. Just say it. For fuck’s sake, just say it. 

“Will you cut my hair?”

There's an uncomfortable silence filling the room and Satoru wants to teleport away and hope you'll forget this encounter. You slowly turn back to look at him with wide eyes. Satoru feels his face warm up. 

You blink, “You want me to cut your hair?”

Satoru gulps and decides to roll with it, “Yeah, I mean- my hair won't look nice with a blindfold the way it is. It'll just fall off. So I guess- y’know- gimme an undercut or something, maybe?” He looks everywhere but your eyes and continues fiddling with his hair. He's so adorable, you can't help but think.

You laugh and fully turn around on your chair to face him, “I can't believe you'll let me touch your precious hair.”

Finally looking at you, Satoru feels himself fall even more in love with you. Your effortless smile after the way he treated you earlier that day made him feel like absolute shit. But that smile; he'd die twice for that smile and then come back to life just to see it again. 

He smiles and shrugs, “Yeah. I trust you, so why not?” 

You grin and walk towards him. Bringing your hand up to assess his hair, you purse your lips, “Alright, I’ll cut your hair.”

—-

I can't do this. This is too much. She smells so good. Her hands are so soft. Fuck, this was a mistake. Killing Toji was easier than this shit.

Satoru was sweating and his brain was about to implode. You sat him down in your bathroom filled with everything you need to cut his hair perfectly. You were excited, as a child would be after getting an entire bar of chocolate for themselves or a cool pair of shoes. Little did you know, Satoru was freaking out. This wasn't even the closest he had been to you. He kissed you on the forehead, he had touched your chest. Albeit innocent, he knows that if he wasn't having a panic attack he would've short-circuited right then and there. And you didn't see him lean against the wall to control his breathing right as he turned the corner after kissing you on the forehead, after you almost died. He had been loving you for so long, that he wondered how dumb you could be sometimes despite being one of the smartest people he knows. But now, you're too close, your face inches from his as you check the length of his bangs. His eyes are locked on his clasped hands lying on his lap as you snip away. 

As you move behind him and turn on the trimmer, he finally releases the breath he had been holding. The cold steel of the trimmer touches his neck and shivers run up his entire body. You watch goosebumps form on his skin near his nape and ask, “You alright? Are my hands too cold?”

“No no, I'm good. Perfect, actually.” Satoru slaps himself mentally for being so painfully obvious. Then he remembers he was supposed to confess anyway. You mutter a small “okay” and get right back to working the trimmer on the underside of his hair. Taking the bottle, you spritz some water on his hair and comb through it with your little brush. Your hands run through his hair and Satoru feels he might just pass out. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and tries to control his racing heart. The sound of the scissors cutting more of his silvery white hair brings his head down from the clouds. The soft touch of your fingers against his neck just sends his head into overdrive again. Your hands fluff his hair as you move in front of him again to check your work. You look into his eyes and Satoru can't help himself anymore. 

“I love you.”

The way your eyes widen and shoulders drop almost breaks Satoru’s delicate heart. You open your mouth but Satoru beats you to it. He stands up and starts rambling,

“You don't have to say anything. I just- I love you and I had to tell you, I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I understand if you don't feel the same and you don't have to, It's okay, just please don't freak out and stop being my friend or something.”

You keep staring at him and he thinks this is it. The end of it all. Almost a decade-long friendship; thrown down the drain. He says your name and looks at you with the softest eyes you've ever seen in your life.

“C’mon say something. Anything. “Get out”, “Shut up”, something, anyth-”

“I love you too.”

Satoru stands still, mid-sentence, gaping like a fish out of water, “Huh?”

You snort and cover your face with your hands, shoulders shaking with laughter, “I said, I love you too.”

Satoru exhales deeply and leans down to rest his hands on his knees. He looks up at you, still laughing, and asks, “Why on Earth are you laughing?”

You chortle and look at him with gleaming eyes and the brightest smile he thinks he's ever seen, “You just look so ridiculous.” 

Satoru looks at the mirror and mentally facepalms at his appearance. A giant plastic bag wrapped around his upper body and half-wet hair making him look like a wet rat. Yeah, he did look ridiculous. He shakes his head and laughs. Moving closer to you he slowly places his hand on your cheek. He looks at the fully healed scar and leans down to kiss it gently. Resting his forehead on yours, he breathes, “I love you.” He then leaves an even gentler kiss on the tip of your nose, “So, so much.”

He's gazing into your eyes and you're gazing into his, with the same look you've always given him, which makes him think out loud, “How long have you…?”

You sigh as you close your eyes and bring up your hand to touch his wrist near your face, feeling his pulse. You release a short laugh, “Long enough.”

Satoru smiles and brings his other hand to caress your other cheek, “Can I kiss you? Please?”

You smile and loop your arms around his neck, “Yes, please do.”

He leans down as you lean up and you can feel his smile against your lips. His large hands on your face, his lips against yours, his breath in your lungs, all you can think is Satoru, Satoru, Satoru. The kiss is slow, like you're both memorizing each other's taste. Like you're fully immersing yourselves in this experience as if it's the last time you'll ever be able to do this. You never thought you'd have this, but now you do. He loves you. Your hands stroke his undercut, feeling the freshly cut hair on your skin as your hand moves up to brush against the longer strands on top. 

His hands are holding onto your face as if he's afraid you'll slip away if he lets go for even a second. Then he feels you caress the back of his head and he lets one of his hands travel down to wrap itself around your waist. This is real, he thinks and he can't believe it. You love him. His lips move against yours in a perfect rhythm, as if you've been kissing each other for years. It's comfortable, safe, familiar.

Finally stopping, you both breathe heavily with the dopiest grins on your faces. Beaming, Satoru wraps his arms around your waist and hugs you, clutching your head to his chest. You let out a breath, getting lost in the rhythm of his heartbeat. The vibrations from his laughter cause you to look up at him with a questioning look on your face.

He shakes his head and brings a hand up to gently rest your head back on his chest. Perching his chin on top of your head, he strokes your hair.

“Megumi will have a field day when he hears about this.”

------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: okkkk finally the morons confess! also I added a guy called haru bc i love haruka from free! and i could, so yay.

taglist: @thepup356, @porridgesblog, @stray-npc, @daisy-the-quake, @reignsaway, @ainetx, @icarusignite, @mariapierce789

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojo fluff #jjk imagine #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x f!reader #gojou satoru x y/n #jjk fluff #jjk x reader #gojou satoru #satoru gojou #gojo satoru fluff #jjk x y/n #bruh they're so stupid #megumi is so done #like grow tf up

[andysorbit]

I read your Jisung sfw and nsfw post…

Jisung is totally the type of guy who has dirty thoughts about you but he would never initiate anything sexual because he’s too scared of rushing you or making you uncomfortable, but if you were to ask him if he’d feel uncomfortable with the idea of y’all being intimate he’d get shy and struggle to admit he thinks about it way too often 🫢

sooooo.... I had started this because well... I'm always soft for that pinhead and this may be a bit redundant and some of it might not even mesh with what was in the other one but whatever we love our big fluffy boi

just as before this is fluff and light?? smut, fem!reader

if you wanna read the one mentioned, go here

MINORS, FUCK OFF

Boyfriend!Jisung Who...

Buys you flowers and slaps you with them because he's annoying

comes home with food all the time

and you complain but you love it because this man makes sure you're always fed

"if your tummy is always full, you can't run from me"

likes to hide your things because he wants you to ask him for help

"Andrew, I can't find my sewing kit"

"did you just call me Andrew?"

"Yes I did, Anderson..."

"d'you need help finding that sewing kit or not?"

he's a space boy so he's always talking about space and if he's drunk he's in the zone

"so aliens aren't stupid... if they're capable of creating and operating technology so advanced that they can travel all over the universe, then why do they keep crashing in cornfields? shit- why aren't they crashing anywhere else? I believe in them but I feel like mankind wants to be smarter and better than everything else so badly that they'll insult the intelligence of just about anything."

"aw babe you've really put a lot of thought into that"

"I had to... I needed to make sure it made sense before I mentioned it to you. I didn't want you to think I was crazy and dump me"

"Sungie why would I dump you?"

"for thinking I'm crazy.... I just said that but that's not important right now- you gotta keep up- this is serious, okay?"

calls your mom just because he can

"your mom said she hasn't spoken to you in a few days, why haven't you called her?"

"Maybe of you weren't always on the phone with her, she'd answer when I call her dude"

"Well she invited me out for brunch so maybe you can come along too"

"maybe?"

"y/n if you're jealous then just say so"

reads to you because he knows his voice is one of your favorite things about him

shares his little rants, rambles, and questions with you

"Okay but instead of sending Jesus to the cross, why didn't everyone get one chance to file for like... spiritual bankruptcy and then after that for every sin you commit then you have to do something that bothers you like walk around for a week with wet socks or with a piece of steak stuck in your molars?"

"baby, are you okay?'"

"no, I need answers."

is so respectful because he doesn't want you thinking he likes the sex more than he likes you

moans in your ear when you're close because he knows you'll cum harder if he's moaning and talking you through it

he can barely form a sentence if he looks at you for too long but he can look you in your eyes and talk dirty to you while he's throttling you

he loves the way his hands look around your neck

he has a big dick

like it's fucking huge and your favorite thing is when he's telling you that you take it just like a good girl should

he's cutie pooks in the streets and Mr. Park in the sheets

no seriously one day you called him Mr. Park and he practically took you right there

he loves watching the way you take his cock so he always slides into you so slowly that it's almost torture

had you convinced that he had the equipment but didn't lnow how to use it and after your first time together he was smug af

"are you okay?"

"Jisung... don't you... I thought..."

"what? you thought you were gonna have to fake it?"

he's nasty but he's classy about it

#neoculturecollectives #andy's mail #nct #nct smut #kpop smut #nct hard hours #nct hard thoughts #nct dream smut #nct dream hard hours #nct dream hard thoughts #andyception #ANDY PARK #park jisung #park jisung smut #nct x black!reader

[bloodycherry22]

Insomnia | Ellie Williams

Genre: Smut

Summary: Dina invites you over, you didn't realise that she would be there, nightfall hits and you just can't sleep, annoyingly, neither can she. (enemies to fuckers/lovers)

Warnings: Hate sex, smut, cussing, like alot of cussing, fingering, tribbing, Ellie is cocky af, kind of mock hate, Dina mentions a 'jen' this is a made up, filler character that means nothing.

Not proofread

----

Fucking liar. Fucking Dina said she wouldn't be here, said it was just a few people and that it would be no bother. Here you are, sat on the couch, holding a clear glass, half full of a brown alcoholic liquid, surrounded by some friends, Dina beside you, Jesse on the couch opposite you and next to him, Ellie.

God knows why you hated her, but she hated you, and it was rare you two could be left for longer than 5 minutes before someone was on the others ass about something, yelling their ear off. It was like she held some kind of enjoyment from pissing you off, the way she stared at you and smirked as she drank from her glass, not even acknowledging the burning sensation in her throat. Her slender fingers wrapped around the glass as she leaned back into the couch, man-spreading, deep eyes glaring into you. You scoffed, narrowing your eyes and turning away from her, if she wasn't such a dick, she'd be good looking.

Dina nudged your arm, making your gaze shift in her direction, she frowned at you teasingly "will you two be friendly for one night?" She huffed, drinking her beer. You smiled at her and nodded apologetically, finishing your own drink, biting down a sour face at the strong taste. "i'm going to get another drink" You state, internally fending off thoughts about outright leaving. As you stride by her, walking into the kitchen and pouring more of the thin brown liquid into your glass. Whiskey. It sucks ass, but sources are limited. The transparent liquid slowly began to overfill the rim of the glass as you zoned out, clueless to your surroundings.

A sculpted hand reached for the bottle and tilted it till it stood straight once again "Careful, some people also want to drink tonight." Her voice filled your ears. Instantly, you recognized her presence, the passive aggressive tone to her coarse voice. You sucked in a sharp breath and turned to face her. "I zoned out, sorry." You replied calmly, wanting the conversation to be quick and sharp.

"It's fine, just you know, takes weeks to find a crate of this shit, no bother" She shrugged and poured herself a glass, not spilling a drop before wiping down the counter. It gave you a moment to look over her, a brown shirt draped over her arms and shoulders, unbuttoned, covering up the lighter shirt beneath, her thighs jean clad, looking muscular and usual black converse on her feet, stained. Her hair was tied slightly, falling out of place and her expression was blank. You didn't like the feeling and tension in the air from the interaction.

The way she aggressively handed the cloth to you, a stench of whiskey filling your nose as you looked at her, raising your brows as she smiled sarcastically. "Bye" Her smile turned to a smirk as her eyes scanned over you, up and down, it was as if she had placed a frog in your throat, unable to respond as she calmly left the kitchen, heading back to the living room.

The kitchen suddenly seemed smaller and your heart began to beat faster, but you shook it off, knowing it was just her and you shouldn't let her annoying antics bother you. A sigh escaped your throat as you picked up the glass with so much care you swear it was worth more than a new born baby because you were not fucking dropping this.

When you stepped back into the living room, Dina waved you over happily, talking with a few friends and Ellie, was she trying to set you up? But, begrudgingly, you walked over and greeted everyone, nodding at Ellie who just seemed to be aggravated that you were here, maybe she was just as annoyed as you were. Yet, both of you kept your cool, seemingly for Dina but also because it could cause a scene.

Dina smiled at the both of you, placing a hand on each of your shoulders, both you and Ellie sharing uncanny glances. "So.." Dina spoke up and Ellie groaned at her tone, making you roll your eyes at her annoying attitude towards everything in life. "I know, you have your..differences, but, i'm worried that Jesse is going to kill a guy, he's been on me all night"

"Dina, babe, what does this have to do with us?" You interrupted and to your disbelief, she nodded in agreement.

"Well, the rooms tonight, were meant to be me, y/n and jen in my bedroom and Jesse, Ellie and that guy..in a room" She paused to scan both of your reactions. "I need you guys to stay y/n to swap places with Jesse so they don't kill each other is what i am saying" She said rapidly and you snickered, shaking your head in response "Funny"

"Yeah, funny, nothing will happen, i'll be there with Jesse" Ellie stated, putting her drink down to focus on the conversation. "Guys..please just make this easy on me, it's one night, your just sleeping, nothing more, no need to talk or yell or fight." She pleaded and picked Ellie's drink back up, handing her it. "Thanks!" She left.

"I didn't agree!" Ellie yelled and you scoffed, turning away.

Hours passed, and a few drinks, but just enough to sit a comfortable buzz in your head, it was pitch black outside and you grew weary of your night with Ellie, you expected her to just sleep outside or something, rather than sleep within 6ft of you, but when you stepped into your assigned bedroom, she was sat on the bed, kicking off her shoes.

"That guy hasn't even showed, i think i saw him passed out in the bathroom" She stated, voice sounding not so happy, her eyes facing her shoes.

"That sucks." You said. Carefully and quietly, you took of your own shoes, and jacket before looking at the double bed Ellie sat on, then the couch not too far from it. "I'll sleep on the couch, guessing thats 'the guys' bed" You huffed and flopped onto the old cushion, looking at her and seeing her gaze on yours.

Her eyes were dark and tired, hair slightly messy and freckles fading a little due to being inside more often. She nodded and turned away "If you get uncomfy, i don't bite" She teased. switching off the light. Other than the rustling of both your blankets, it was silent, and it stayed that way for what felt like hours.

Hours of nothingness, eery silence, she wasn't asleep, she hadn't even let out a snore or a heavy breath, she hadn't mustered a noise, she must've been awake. "Ellie?"

"What?" She asked, but it sounded like more of a statement, the tone of her voice being fed up.

"Jeez, just seeing if you were awake" You huffed, furrowing your brows, although you knew she couldn't see.

"Of fucking course i'm awake, it's like creepily fucking silent but you don't see me asking you questions" She spat

"Jesus Christ, i said your name, you so easy to piss off."

Suddenly, the bedside lamp clicked on and Ellie sat up, she was a little more disheveled and she squinted her eyes due to the light, her shirt fell off one of her shoulders. She ran a hand through her hair and tilted her head at you. "I'm not easy to piss off, your annoying" She calmly stated and you grumbled, turning away from her.

"Come on, you said my name, you must've wanted a chat" She teased, again, in that snarky voice.

"Shut the fuck up Ellie" You got up from the couch and walked towards the door but she was quick to jump up, reaching to stop you, hand landing on top of yours, not allowing you to move the door handle. "Okay, I'm being a dick"

"Yeah, you are" You tried to nudge her away but she stood her ground and looked at you in confusion. "What? I'm apologizing"

"No, your admitting to being a dick, which you are, but that makes you no less of a dick, in fact it makes you more of a dick because ultimately your simply saying it to make yourself feel better which is like the ultimate dick move-"

She kissed you, aggressively, her lips feeling like fire against your own, her hands grasping either side of your face as you imagine the dirty sight of them on your cheek, veins spread over her slim fingers which you stare at all the godamn time. Her lips move against yours and you find yourself doing the same in perfect symphony, your hands finding her auburn hair, tugging at the ends, making her gasp and pull back.

"Your the fucking worst" She says and you smirk

"I hate you" You tease, but she just grins, leaning down to kiss from your jaw to your neck, letting her tongue glide over the skin of your throat.

"I hate you more" She responded, hands moving to land on your hips, pushing you against the door with a gentle slam, she sucked at the skin of your neck, peppering kisses down your collarbone before pulling back. "No witty remark?" She snickered and you just scoffed, pulling her in for another rough kiss, her tongue pushing into your mouth and fighting with your own as her hands squeezed your waist.

Her right hand trailed to the zip of your pants before undoing them and slowly tugging them down. A hum left your mouth into the open mouthed kiss as she pressed her index finger over your barely clothed heat. A whine escaped you as she began to draw small circles against your clit, biting at your bottom lip before pulling back.

She pushed your panties to the side and swirled her finger over your cunt, watching the way your hips jutted ever so slightly at the 'touch' with focus, she pushed her middle finger into you, biting down on her lip as she stared. Your head fell back against the door as she curled her finger to meet your g spot, uttering out a moan, you grasped her wrist and she chuckled lightly.

"Fuck babe, you suck me in so well, not even two fingers" She commented, her eyes stuck on your hole, watching the way her finger slipped in and out of you perfectly, just the way you wanted.

"Y-your insufferable" You declared through gritted teeth, your eyes screwed shut as she began rubbed at your clit, breathing out small moans.

"Sure i am doll, and your the fucking worst" She pushed especially hard into you, knuckle deep, eyes trailing up to watch your reactions, loving the way she had you.

"Ellie-I'm gonna cum" You whimpered out, hips resting fully on her hand as her finger pummeled your insides, body shaking slightly. She nodded "Thats it, cum for me, you know you want too" And you did, with a few rocks of your hips, you released all over her hands, much to her pleasure and she laughed a little.

"Fuck, your a mess" She teased, wiping her hands on her jeans an looking at you, her hand cupping your cheek, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. "You really shouldn't go out looking like this" she joked

"Your not fucking funny" you panted and pushed her onto the bed, climbing on top of her and kissing at her neck, she hummed and placed her hands on your thighs.

"So cocky" She huffed, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of your lips just below her collarbone "Such a bitch" she mumbled. Your hips rolled against hers as you lifted your head to pull her shirt over her head. You then kissed at her rib cage as you undid her jeans, tugging them down with a desperation before sitting back up to look at her. She narrowed her eyes "You know your not in charge right?"

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"Me, don't be a fucking idiot" She grasped at your hips, hard enough to leave bruises causing you to let out a small gasp, building her ego even more. With a huff of defeat, you helped slide her underwear off before looking into her eyes, giving her your best puppy dog eyes. "Those eyes don't work on me sweetheart, maybe you should've tried that in the past rather than cussing me out or throwing hands hm?" She cooed teasingly and you scoffed, looking away.

"Your so easy to piss off" She mocked you from earlier, making you smile a little before groaning. "Ellie just fuck me already"

"So glad you asked" She announced and sat up, kicking off her underwear, she lifted one of your legs over hers so you were perfectly intertwined and smirked. "You ever done this baby?"

"Shut up and get on with it"

"So feisty" She commented and rested her head in your neck, pressing the odd kiss to your neck as she began to rhythmically move her hips against yours, the sensation overwhelming and amazing in the best possible ways. She let out a quiet moan into the crook of your neck, sending a shock wave to your core, keening your body against hers, you whined out. She panted and you felt the coil in your stomach growing tighter, suddenly she moved against you faster, her hips bucking and rolling out of sync with yours but somehow feeling amazing.

Her noises grew louder along with yours and the blended noise of both your curse words filled the room as you felt yourself coming undone against her. She seemed to do the same as she rutted a few mire times before resting against your frame.

"woah"

----

The next morning Dina raised her brow at the both of you, noticing the fact there was much less tension, and you were wearing Ellie's shirt, she smiled, her plan had worked.

A/N:i honestly don't like this but i disappeared for months and needed a comeback.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fanfic #tlou part 2 #ellie tlou2 #tlou x reader #the last of us #tlou smut #tlou fanfiction #tlou2 #ellie williams x reader #ellie smut

[goldsbitch]

That next Christmas flight

epilogue p.1 to That one Christmas flight

summary: Few months down the line, Y/N is getting onto the same Christmas flight as a completely changed girl.

warning: cheesy af, swear words I guess, cliche probably, typos most definitely

Another Christmas flight. Traditions linger long and strong no matter how much one tries to resist. It's been a year precisely since the last flight that had turned her life upside down and Y/N found herself standing at the same airport where she shared a first kiss with Lando. Except this time she was thrown off for a completely less glamorous reason, sitting all confused and looking at the cancelled note next to her flight number on the departure board. She was just one of the other anxious annoyed passangers, trying to figure out how to get to Japan on time. Her mom hated when people were late. And she was sure she'll find a way to blame it on her. Bad planning, she'd always say. Love comes in different flavors to anyone, Y/N sighed, looking forward to seeing her mom after so many months, which had brought a rollercoaster of unexpected emotions.

She has had the summer of her life, hard to imagine something topping this one. The ultimate love affair - exciting, sweet and eye opening. Made her question everything she thought about adult life. All those love song suddenly made sense. She understood why people do crazy things for love. There wasn't a cell in her body regretting getting her summer and early September got stolen by one guy. It would not have mattered if he was a server from a local café or a tattoo artist, he just happened to be one of the most famous racing drivers on the planet. She had followed him around his trips as long as her school schedule allowed, making new friends in the process and generally exploring a different way of life. Sometimes, she had to stop in order to take it all in, because his world shined just a little too bright. It took all of her free time to keep up. Once summer rolled to its very end, it started being harder for the pair. Coming back to the school environment was somewhat of a culture shock and suddenly her having her own life was making it harder to drop everything and meet him at yet another race track around the world. Their schedules seemed to be working against each other. Late night cuddles turned into late night / morning calls. Summer romance got a real hard test that October and was forced to mature real quick. And sadly, very few love affairs manage to survive this leap.

There are little things that people in love do for each other. One does not often realize that the other person had been doing these mundane gestures until they are out of sight. Lando would always put Y/N's airpods on the charger when they were together, because he knew that she would just never do that and then would complain about it endlessly. He was even looking forward to the annoyed text she'd send him two days after they parted, almost on the clock. Y/N never learned. Nor did she want to.

Y/N airpods were sitting in the pocket of her coat. Fully charged. Lando and Y/N had never spent more time together than this winter break. After few rough weeks, they got used to the changing tone of their relationship. She finally met his family and spent few very fun days at their house. Lando made fun of her afterwards, because she had been so nervous to fuck it up. He never doubted that she would do a good impression - he loved too much to think that.

Pair of hands hugged her from behind and the familiarity kicked in.

"Thought you got lost, honey," she greeted her boyfriend and potentially the love of her life (spoiler alert - yes, he really was).

"I actually kind of did, I'm sure there must be a bathroom closer that all the way back that hallway," he said, kissing her cheek softly. She was taking him home to Japan to get him introduced to her mom, which made him the proudest guy at that airport. He was worthy of getting introduced and to him, that was the biggest compliment one could give. It had been quite a hectic Christmas break for Lando so far, if he were to be honest, he was happy to get few hours alone with Y/N. On the outside, he was this cool racer chill dude. But he was also a sappy romantic, absolutely insisting on having them celebrate their anniversary on the same flight. Y/N grounded him, kept him at bay in the best way possible. He felt like the best version of himself. Which was also what he told her when they almost broke up over the phone one confusing November night. Their relationship was cut with difficult conversations and the need to untangle things, but it was strangely something Lando loved about their relationship. No stones left untouched, caring so much about each other that any shift in energy was a signal to the other party. Y/N taught him to notice things. He pushed her into making her feelings known.

"My love, our flight is cancelled for today," she said softly, not really knowing what to do. Lando usually had his travel booked by the team, so he was surprisingly not very skilled in booking things anymore. But he longed for any possibility to be the hero that saved the day, so he got to the counter and got them on tomorrow's flight, with an overnight at a hotel.

Y/N let out a sigh once he told her that there is currently no other option. She just wanted to be at her mom's place and show Lando off, like a proper proud girlfriend she was.

"I'm sorry, honey," he said, caressing her cheek. "I'll make sure you have an absolutely amazing evening with me, ok? Honestly, getting to spend an extra night with you alone is the best thing I could wish for." She looked at him and there was not a single cell in her body that would doubt what he was telling her. Even after months, every time Lando looked at her, her heart skipped a beat. Every time he embraced her, she completely melted. His skin still felt like the softest thing on this planet. His eyes were the bluest of green that had her mesmerised whenever he shared a glance at her. "There is nothing better I could wish for Christmas either," she said, kissing him softly. "Let's get to the hotel, give your mom a quick call, order a champagne and cuddle without letting anyone else know we're still in England," he whispered like a little devil on her shoulder.

"Hm, maybe we can cuddle like really fast," she insunuated, setting Lando's imagination on fire.

"I have many ideas, honey."

"Good, write them down."

"This will hardly ever skip my mind," Lando laughed lightly and the pair took off, with him having his shoulder around her, both of them hiding their faces under a cap. They soft launched their relationship in the middle of the summer, but there was still a cloud of mystery around Y/N, as she had made sure to set her socials on private. No more of a little secret hidden in a hotel room. Still, privacy was an important thing to the pair, that's why there was a whole fake social media trip happening for Lando right now to redirect attention.

So there they were, toasting with the same champagne a year later, lives intertwined and with their own set of Christmas traditions forming. Two young people with souls still undamaged by the tragedies of life, two young people not realizing how light and magical part of their life they got to call today and tomorrow. Next time you're flying somewhere, don' be a chicken and talk to your hot neighbor on the plane. You never know.

____________________________________________

personal note: thank you so much for all the support you guys gave me for this one, it has grown into my favorite story so far - mainly because I got to put in my own memories and feelings from when I accidentally started dating a semi famous sports guy while having no idea who he was, lol. it was in no way lando level kind of famous, but still, it is a great memory, so thank you for reliving it with me.

there will be blurbs of these two coming in the future, but i wanted to tie the main story to an end. but I can't wait to write more, so i'll be more than happy if you come back for some snap shots of their little moments. thank you - smutty epilogue p2. is on the way

Tagged all those who like to suffer: @prudyhoo @anuksunamon @sagestack @esquerkaren @ushygushybaby @ilove-tswizzle @thehufflepuffavenger1  @superlegend216 @mehrmonga @lovely-blackinnon @mylifeihate1029 @lausdigitaldiary @tswizzleismother @goldenharrysworld @llando4norris @classiclitfreak  @ophcelia @leclerc13 @starmanv @k4r1402 @biitch-with-wifi @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @starmanv @formulaal @scenesofobx

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris fanfic #ln4 imagine #formula 1 #formula one x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #lando norris angst #meet cute #fluff #slowburn #slow burn fic #lando norris fluff #formula 1 fluff #formula 1 fanfic #ln4 x reader #i'm sorry #there will be more #ln4 x y/n #lando norris x y/n

[kittysarchive]

Good day! This sh!t has been in my brain for a decade now.. What do you think of a txt smut where..

Dom! Football player! Yeonjun x Sub! Cheerleader! Fem reader!

The reader is kinda bratty and a b!tch while yeonjun is somewhat chill af, oh well let's just say they are rivals, where yeonjun tames the reader and also The reader is coquette ^^ but still a brat tho..

You decide^^

I hope I did well :)

"Come on! Do it for us!" Your friends teased. Knowing you disliked Yeonjun, they always tried to get you to go on date...and fuck him.

"No...guys I don't like him" Your friends groaned disappointed.

"Can you at least come to the party...you won't even see him! You friends begged. Being on the cheerleader team meant you had to be involved in parties, even if you didn't want to.

"I swear, if he has a small cock..." You laughed to yourself. If you see him... He better not be a waste of your time

*at the party

Pulling into the drive way, you entered the party. With your friends laughing and gushing a they entered the house, you rolled your eyes. You loved cheerleading, but parties involved with cheerleading. Not so much.

Walking past a staircase and to an overcrowded kitchen, you pulled one of your friends aside.

"So who is hosting?" You asked.

"Yeonjun" She said blankly, sliding past you to the table of food. Letting that sick in, you wanted to leave. Fucking Yeonjun? You friends knew you didn't like him! Rolling your eyes, you travelled around the room, looking for a decent guy to fuck.

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you eagerly turn around, only to be disappointed.

"Yeonjun" You said dryly as he smiled at you.

"What brings you here?" He teases, knowing dam well you didn't come here willingly.

"I thought you weren't coming that's why" You lied, you knew he was going to be here.

"Why are you so glum? Want me to introduce some people to you Sugar?" He smiled flirtatiously. Taking the offer, you nodded your head. You followed Yeonjun as he took you upstairs, passing a few rooms he seemed eager.... Opening one door, he led you in. Looking around the room, it was obvious you were in his bedroom...and with just him. Turning around annoyed, you are smacked with a heavy kiss.

"What the fuck Yeonjun!" You yell, backing away from him, unknowingly bumping into the bed, causing you to fall on your back. Yeonjun strolls up to you.

"To be honest, I was gonna fuck that bitch out of you" Still laying on the bed, Yeonjun straddled your hips. Noticing how you didn't fight back, he continued. Still straddling your hips, he slid off his shirt, throwing it off the bed.

"Brats like you need to be tamed" Yeonjun spoke up, smirking at how small you were. Thoughts swirling around your head, why weren't you fighting back? Why didn't you try to stop him? Why were you getting wet? Gulping, you played along.

"Fuck you, your the one that needs to tamed-" A harsh slaps lands on your cheek. Fealing the sting you fearfully look up at him.

Brats like you need to be tamed" He repeated, sliding off your skirt. Growing wetter but the second, you let him undress you.

"Such a slut, not fighting back now" Yeonjun laughed. noticing how your demeaner changed.

"Now be a good girl and stay quiet" Yeonjun smirks, holding his cock inches away from your pussy. Bracing yourself, you let him slide into your wet pussy.

"I thought you hated me" Yeonjun laughed, sliding all the way in you. Focusing on being quiet, you let a small moan out. Finding a pace, Yeonjun started to thrust.

"Was it all an act huh? You wanted me to get in your pants? Your such a slut" Feeling the degradation, you spiked up.

"You just wanted to get into my pussy didn't you? Your that needy?" You instantly felt Yeonjuns hands grasp around your neck. You went to far.

Never answering your question, he started to speed up his thrusts. Keeping a grip on your neck, his lips found yours. Sucking you into a passionate kiss, you returned it.

"Your the needy one" He finally spoke up, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, your moans fled out. Causing another smirk from him.

"Such pretty noises, all for me. And here I thought you hated me" He teased, thrusting deeper into you. His hand left your neck as it made own on your breasts. Squeezing them hard as he was about to cum.

"Your so fucking tight, squeezing me so hard like a whore" He insulted you, quickly pulling out of your warmth to cum over your chest. His own chest heaving up and down.

"Fuck.....you just needed to be tamed didn't ya?" Yeonjun laughed, quickly pulling out his phone to capture this moment.

#txt smut #txt scenarios #txt hard thoughts #txt yeonjun smut #yeonjun smut #brat taming #kpop smut

[moni-logues]

A Simple Favour

Pairing: Changbin x named reader (afab, she/her)

Genre: fake dating, friends-to-lovers, smut

Summary: Your temper got the better of you and you lied to your sister. Rather than coming clean, you get your best friend playing pretend, too.

Word count: 21.5k 💀

Content: fingering, protected sex, discussion about sex toys, some very uh, unshowered sex lol, reader is called Miki (Mikyong)

A/N: ahhhghheghhef my longest ever one-shot and first ever fake-dating fic is here!!!! And it's BINNIE!!!! this all started with this post and I truly never had any intention of turning any of them into proper fics. But then.... but then I honestly couldn't stop thinking about this Changbin and so I wrote a scene and then another, and then another and suddenly, it was happening! I HAVE given reader a name, because it's frankly annoying af to not be able to call your reader anything and I don't like using 'y/n' lol so hope that is ok with y'all hahah

Thank you to @minisugakoobies for beta-ing and @violetsiren90 for all the sprinting and enthusiasm!!!!!!!!!

* * *

“I need to ask you a favour.” 

“Yeah, ok, sure.” 

“No, no, I need you to hear what it is first.” 

You sat down next to Changbin on the sofa and it was only then that he started looking as if he was paying attention. 

“Ok...” 

“I need you to be my boyfriend.” 

Changbin was out of his seat before the word had come to an end. 

“What?!” 

“Not really!” you cried, immediately standing up again, hands raised, trying to placate him. “I just need you to pretend to be!” 

“What?!” 

You groaned loudly and tipped your head back to shout at the ceiling. Then you motioned for him to please return to his seat so you could explain. 

“I... may... have... toldmysisterthatwe’retogether.” 

He was on his feet again, roaring. 

“WHAT?!” 

“It’s not my fault, ok?! You know how annoying she is!!!! She won’t stop going on about how we act like a couple and how we’d be good together and why don’t we just get together and don’t I see and no one else wants to go out with me anyway, what, do I think I could do better and I just fucking snapped!” You gripped him hard on the arms and stared, wide-eyed and grimacing at him. “I couldn’t take it anymore,” you told him through gritted teeth. “I snapped. I told her we were already dating but trying to keep it quiet until we knew if it was going anywhere.” 

Changbin did exactly as you had not a minute before: looked skyward and groaned all too loudly at the ceiling of your apartment.  

“So you mean to say that your sister now thinks we’re a couple?” 

“Yeah... and I mean, Chan, too, obviously. He was there.” 

Changbin closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  

“You mean my best friend Chan?” 

“Hey! I’m your best friend!” 

“Not anymore!” 

He took a few steps away from you and shook his head, shook out his arms, rolled his shoulders. You did not know if you would be able to convince him to go along with your charade. It wouldn’t have to be forever, not even for long; you just had to find a way to back out of it that left both your names untarnished. Couldn't be that hard, right? 

“Please, Binnie,” you began, tone softer now, sweeter, pleading just a little. “I know, I suck. But my sister sucks more and I really just want to get her off my back for a bit and I promise I will sort it out. I promise I’ll let us break-up quickly and you’ll come out smelling of roses! But please, please back me up on this.” 

He turned around, looking at you seriously.  

“What exactly is involved?” 

“Well, y’know, if Chan asks about it or something, just... go along with the lie. You don’t have to do anything really.” 

“Except for the lying and deceit and stuff.” 

“Yeah.” 

There was a pause in which Changbin stood, staring out of the window, hands on his hips, deliberating. Then he turned sharply to look at you. 

“I have a date tonight. Can we start tomorrow?” 

You inhaled sharply through your teeth, eyes shut tight.  

“Nope!” 

You winked an eye open to see how he’d react. There was outrage on his face. 

“What do you mean ‘no’?!” 

“You can’t go on a date with someone else if we’re together!! What if someone sees you?” 

He shouted again at the ceiling. 

“I was going to get laid tonight!” 

“Sorry!” 

You cowered, made yourself as small as possible, watching him as he nevertheless unlocked his phone and fired off a quick cancellation text. 

“I’m going to make you pay for this, you know,” he told you as he typed. 

“I know. I deserve it.” 

“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll do it.” Then he flopped back onto the sofa and patted the seat next to him. “But to be absolutely clear, I am not going to your stupid family lunches.” 

“Actually...” 

* 

You were at your stupid family lunch. You had been going to Sunday lunch with your family for what felt like forever. At first, you and your sister schlepped way too far outside the city to your parents’ house, but now your sister hosted. Your sister and her husband, who just so happened to be best friends with your best friend. Why did the world have to be so small? 

This time, your boyfriend was here, too. Sorry, your ‘boyfriend.’ It had taken a thousand favours owed and promises of future gifts made, but Changbin finally agreed to come, and you had agreed the rules for this deception: 

1. You and Changbin had been dating for a ‘few weeks’ (since you got drunk at the river and decided to say ‘fuck it why not?’ to the whole thing).  

2. You made the first move. 

3. When in public together, you would always be prepared to act like a couple, should you run into anyone you knew.  

4. Changbin would lead and you would ‘yes, and’ him, no questions asked. 

5. Absolutely no dating other people, just in case.  

6. It was your job to find a way to end it that made both of you look good – or at the very least, made Changbin look good.  

7. No one—and that meant no one—else could know that it wasn’t real. 

Just as you were walking up to your sister’s front door, Changbin added another: you would give him servings of everything first – including seconds and thirds, even if they came from your own plate. He knew your mum and sister cooked well and he was going to enjoy at least some part of this afternoon. You felt you had no choice but to agree. 

“Hello,” you called as you entered your sister’s house, without enthusiasm.  

You had been dreading this since the second the words had left your mouth the previous week. You could have just not lied; you didn’t have to have said that you and Changbin were dating; you could have controlled your temper even a little and not have got yourself in this predicament. You could even have swallowed your pride and embarrassment and told your sister it was a lie, that you had said it to try to shut her up. It wasn’t like it would’ve been the first time you’d told her how annoying she was.  

But you hadn’t. You had lied and now you were sticking to the lie and Changbin was fully involved (if not invested) and you were about to spend an afternoon pretending to like him. 

You liked him fine, as a friend. You liked him a lot, even, as a friend. But he wasn’t That Guy to you. He’d never elicited so much as a single butterfly in your stomach. Not a flitter of a wing or twitch of an antenna. He was just Binnie. And you knew he felt the very same about you.  

“Finally,” your sister said by way of a greeting as she came down the stairs. “You’re late-” 

“No, we aren’t,” you snapped back, fully prepared to argue further but the look on your sister’s face took you by surprise. 

She was surprised.  

“Oh, Changbin! I didn’t know you were coming.”  

There was a sly smile on her lips as if there was a joke you weren’t in on, but you didn’t have capacity to be annoyed by that; you were waiting with bated breath to see what Changbin would do. 

“Hi, Hanbyeol,” he said, as polite and charming as he might ever have been. “Miki said she told you I was coming. I hope it’s alright I’m here.” 

“Of course it is! The more the merrier, right?” 

She winked at you as she walked past into the kitchen, and you rolled your eyes.  

“Absolutely!” Changbin responded, following her, grabbing your hand and tugging you along, too.  

This was going to be a very long afternoon.  

* 

The very longest afternoon of your life. When Changbin had made you promise to ‘yes, and’ him, you had thought he meant go along with his concocted story of your first date or something.  

You hadn’t expected... whatever the hell it was he was doing.  

The first time he called you ‘baby,’ you literally, physically flinched and had to try very hard not to scowl. The second time, the only thing that might have given you away was the flare of your nostrils. The third time, you dragged him off away from everyone to hiss viciously at him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

“What?” he asked, with as much innocence on his face as he could muster. 

“Calling me fucking ‘baby?’ Why? Why would you do that?” 

“Aren’t you my baby?” 

“For fuck’s sake, Binnie! NO, you know I am not! What are you doing?” 

“You said I could play this however I liked and you also said I wouldn’t have to do anything but here I am, in your sister’s house, performing my perfect little tush off to keep your lie intact! So suck it up, baby: this is how Changbinnie dates!” 

You rolled your eyes and swore under your breath once more. 

“So you mean to say that you’re going to make this as painfully cringe-worthy as possible and embarrass us both?” 

“Both? Oh, I’m not embarrassed!” 

He didn’t wait for your comeback to that one and strode back into the kitchen, leaving you quietly seething but not yet regretting sticking to your lie. You could cope with an afternoon of this.  

Which is what you thought until you actually sat down to eat and Changbin made you stick to your word and serve him first. It was almost impossible to do it with a smile on your face – you were sure you resembled some kind of grotesque, with a rictus grin and clenched teeth – but you did your best. You really tried to be sweet to him, to pretend to care that he got the best cuts and biggest pieces of meat, that you were happy for him to take the last dumpling from your plate.  

You were sweating from the effort of it. You have never wanted to leave your sister’s house more. You felt suffocated. Hot. Uncomfortable. Embarrassed. Your parents were there; they also had to think it was real and you hadn’t considered the implications of him meeting the parents until it was too late. Suddenly, this felt serious.  

You had thought it would be easy pretending that you and Changbin were together because... well, you did spend a lot of your time together as it was. You were close. You were so close that it was what got you into this mess in the first place! If you already acted enough like a couple for your sister (who barely ever saw past her own nose) to see it, then the job was already done – you had thought.  

You had underestimated Changbin. Of course you had. His mischief, his love of performance, his inability to not do something that he knew would stitch you up in some manner. They all combined into what was sure to become your absolute worst nightmare and there was no one to blame but yourself.  

You were just going to have to find a way out of it and quick. 

* * * 

“Changbin! How nice to see you again!” Hanbyeol crowed the next week when you dragged him along for a second time.  

“Of course! The food last week was so good, Hanbyeol, I had to come.” 

She actually blushed. 

“Please, Changbin, call me Hani.” 

You rolled your eyes; she was too easily flattered and Changbin was a little shit.  

You hadn’t planned to make him come again. You would have preferred that he didn’t. But... Well, your sister just knew how to press your buttons. She had expressed her surprise at your apparently real relationship with Changbin, even uttering the words ‘I didn’t really believe you.’ She had then proceeded to lecture you on how to behave in a relationship and warn you of all your ‘usual tricks’ that apparently kept romantic partners away. You had been so thoroughly goaded that you had hung up on her and immediately dialled Changbin, telling him, in no uncertain terms, that he was  ‘coming next week even if I have to kill you and drag you there.’  

He had put up a fight, but the food really had been that good (your sister had many flaws, but cooking was not one of them) and he let his arm be twisted in far less time than before.  

He behaved in much the same way as he had but, this time, you were prepared for it. You had braced yourself. You even managed a real smile at Changbin at the dinner table, despite the fact that he, once again, ate the last dumpling from your plate. He didn’t up his game or do anything more to try to embarrass you this time – perhaps he hadn’t expected your quick adjustment; he had overestimated your temper – but you were glad for this. You had to admit (for a microsecond only) that he might actually be a good boyfriend.  

Neither of you had had any serious relationships in the time you’d been friends. When you met, your relationship was in the middle of a breakdown and your ex had moved out before you and Changbin had become firm friends. Changbin had dated, a lot, but none of them seemed to stick. Sometimes, he was sad about it; he would show up at your door with ice cream and his favourite blanket (yes, really) and you would coax the story out of him, trying not to press too hard on his bruised pride, his wounded heart. Sometimes, he chucked them before it got that far.  

You’d actually not really spoken about relationships all that much. You assumed Changbin didn’t want anything serious because he never had it. You assumed that he assumed you wanted to be single because you (mostly) were. You shared horror stories from occasional bad dates and Changbin sometimes made you pick out his outfits, but you didn’t talk about them. You didn’t talk about your fantasies and dreams, your ideal partners, ideal relationships; you didn’t talk about how much you really did want to have one. You weren’t single because you didn’t want a relationship; you were single because you didn’t know where to find one.  

You had burnt out on the apps in double-quick time and weren’t really sure where else to find anyone. You would never take up your sister’s offer to set you up, which might honestly have been cutting your nose off to spite your face because you did like Chan and she was happily married to him, but there was simply no way you would ever have been able to live with her smug self-satisfaction if she had been the one to introduce you to a life partner. And that left you with very few other options.  

* * * 

Having a fake boyfriend—who was your best friend at that—turned out to be quite a lot of fun. You did all the same things you usually did, plus handholding when in public and tolerating whatever cutesy baby-talk Changbin threw at you during your family lunches. That was easy.  

Your friends were outraged when you told them. Not because they opposed the union but because you hadn’t told them before. They went back through your friendship with a fine-toothed comb, pointing out signs and hints that they had known ‘all along’ that you were into each other. 

There were no signs. There were no hints. Because you weren’t into each other. But you let them have their fun because it helped sell the lie you were trying to peddle.  

* * *  

“Sister,” your sister began, on the phone to you almost two weeks after your second lunch. 

“What, sister?” you replied, already unamused. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like Hani. She just... rubbed you the wrong way. A lot.  

“You and Changbin should come on a double date with us.” 

“What?” 

“A double date. Me and Channie; you and Changbin.” 

“Ugh.”  

You didn’t have a much more articulate response than that. Really? Why? Why did she always have to suggest these things? Why did she need to be so nosy? So many of the thoughts that stuck in your brain when it came to your sister began with the word: why. 

“Why?” you asked, already trying to think of excuses not to go.  

“What do you mean why? It’d be perfect! Channie and Changbin are friends; you and I are sisters; we all already know each other! You’re always such a spoilsport!” 

“But Binn- Changbin and I have already been for lunch twice; that’s basically the same.”  

You had stopped referring to him as Binnie since you had starting ‘dating’ him. You had deliberately not thought about why that was. 

“It’s not the same at all! Lunch is casual and boring! Our parents are there! We should go on a real date, have some fun!” 

“Maybe your relationship needs a fun injection but mine doesn’t.” 

You could see her rolling her eyes, hear the stomp of her foot on the floor. 

“Kim Mikyong,” your sister said and needed to say no more. When she full-named you, you knew it meant she wasn’t taking no for an answer, and you had given up fighting her on it because she showed surprising restraint in using it.  

You sighed. 

“When do you want to go?” 

“Ah! Perfect! I’ll ask Channie and get him and Changbin to set it up! It’s going to be so much fun!” 

She hung up without bothering to say goodbye and you looked at the phone in displeasure. You didn’t even know if Changbin would agree to it. It had taken so much coaxing to get him to lunch.  

And this was going to be so much worse. 

* 

But you’d been wrong before.  

Changbin lived two floors above you and, shortly before half-six, he was knocking at your door to pick you up for your date—your double date. 

You opened the door and surprise swallowed your greeting. He looked good. He looked like he’d put effort in. You remembered the outfit from one of the times he’d asked your advice; he’d worn this outfit on a date before. Your first instinct was to be peeved that he was recycling an outfit for your date. Then you remembered that you were only pretending to be together. And then you thought, actually, that maybe it was sweet he had put together a Date Outfit for the occasion.  

You’d put on a dress and everything, too.  

“You look nice,” he said, still standing in your doorway. 

“Thank you,” you replied sincerely. “So do you.” 

It was quiet in the lift as you descended, and you jumped a little when Changbin took your hand as you left the building. He looked at you, quizzical. 

“Sorry, just forgot what we were doing for a second.” 

“Hey, I’m happy not to hold your hand, but this was your rule.” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine; it’s good. I mean, we should. It’s safer. We should. I just- I just forgot; surprised me.” 

You squeezed his hand in yours, because it was there to squeeze, and you realised you felt nervous. Your sister had been right: this was different. Lunch was casual. This wasn’t. You tried to remember how your sister had previously acted on double dates, but she hadn’t been able to get you on one since you were with your ex and that was a long time ago now.  

You wondered how Changbin would act. He had been so keen to play the game and embarrass you up until now; would tonight be the same? He seemed normal so far, but he didn’t have his audience yet. And everyone was still sober.  

* 

Your sister cooed and stretched across the table to you and Changbin, grabbing your hand and his forearm and giving a squeeze. 

“Oh, I’m just so happy!” she exclaimed, and you could tell by the way she scrunched her nose as she smiled that she was in one drink too deep. “I want you two to be so happy! Aren’t they happy, Channie?”  

He grinned at his wife and nodded before turning towards you.  

“Are you happy?” 

You shrugged which was very clearly the wrong answer. 

“Mikyong!” Hani hit the table with her palm.  

You shrugged again. 

“What?! What do you want us to say? I’m not going to fucking rhapsodise about it at the dinner table!” 

That was a mistake. You’d have seen it coming one bottle of soju ago and you wouldn’t have set foot in that trap. 

“Then I will!” Changbin said, tossing back his maekju, punctuating the end of his sentence with the thunk of the glass on the table.  

You groaned, inwardly and then out loud. Changbin turned to look at you, a sweet, shit-eating grin on his face. 

“I feel honestly amazed,” he began, his eyes widening in what you knew he hoped your sister would take for some kind of wonder or awe. “It seems so weird that we didn’t see it before.” He took your hand, and you clenched your teeth so hard your jaw hurt. “It feels so natural to be together, y’know? I’m more than happy! I’m comfortable and content; being with your best friend is the greatest thing in the world.” 

Hani cooed for so long, you worried she’d run out of breath. She held a hand to her heart, and you almost thought you saw tears in her eyes. She could give Changbin a run for her money in the dramatics department. You didn’t see Chan’s reaction because he hid his face taking a drink. Changbin had promised, as part of the rules, not to tell anyone else and you trusted him, but Chan would be the person he’d tell. Which worried you. Because you could fool your sister; your sister was a fool. Chan wasn’t.  

* 

You kicked Changbin as you got up from the table and made sure you walked behind your sister and brother-in-law so you could punch him in the arm for good measure. 

“What the fuck was that?” you hissed, face hot with alcohol and anger. 

“What was what?” 

“That disgusting little speech you gave! ‘Oh, it feels so natural! I’m so content!’. Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Changbin chuckled and nuzzled his nose into yours. 

“Oh, baby, don’t you feel the same? You’re going to break my heart!” 

“Shut the fuck up! How am I supposed to break us up when you say shit like that?” 

He shrugged. 

“I believe that is your problem. Besides which, you promised I’d come out smelling of roses so I can say as much saccharine, embarrassing crap as I like and you can just ditch me like the cruel and heartless being you are. Problem solved.” 

“And you want everyone to pity you for having your soft heart broken by me? Because that’s what’ll happen! They’ll ooh and ah and ‘poor Binnie’ you for weeks. And how are we supposed to continue being friends if you’re that heartbroken?” 

You could tell by his silence that he was annoyed to not have a quick retort. 

“See? You’re trying to embarrass me and make me squirm and yeah, it fucking works, but you’re also prolonging this! You’re making it harder than it has to be!” 

“Oh, whatever!”  

* 

The four of you stood on the subway, going in the same direction for at least part of the way home. Hani and Chan only had eyes for each otherour sister claimed they were ‘still newlyweds!’ but you didn’t think that, after over a year of marriage, she had any right to do so. You were glad that they were busy being moony-eyed at each other; it meant you and Changbin could relax a little, finally out from underneath the scrutiny of the pair. You weren’t holding hands, but you leant a little against his solid body, letting him support you as the train twisted and jostled you.  

You wouldn’t have cared—wouldn't even have been looking--a few drinks ago but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the two of them. Envy grew like mould in your heart. You were happy for your sister, of course you were, but you wanted that. You wanted it for yourself. You wanted someone to look at you the way Chan was looking at Hani right now. You wanted marriage. You wanted that happily ever after shit that you knew didn’t really exist, at least not like in all the stories. But you wanted someone to believe it. Wanted someone to promise it to you even if it was beyond their power to enforce.  

It made you bristle, made you annoyed. At anyone. Everyone. Hani. Chan. Changbin. Yourself. You’d made this bed. It wasn’t as if you had been dating anyway, but now you had removed that as an option; you couldn’t even try to find what your sister had and it was all your own fucking fault. You watched as Hani took hold of the lapel of Chan’s jacket and lifted onto her tiptoes to press a giggly kiss to his mouth; you didn’t manage to hold back the scoff, didn’t manage not to roll your eyes.  

Your sister rolled hers in return and tutted. 

“What, Miki? I can’t kiss my husband?” 

“I didn’t say anything.” 

“Your face says it all. Kiss your own boyfriend, why don’t you? And stop looking at mine.” 

“He’s not your boyfriend.” 

“No, he’s my husband and you’ll never get one if you keep going around on dates with a face like that.” 

“Hey,” Changbin says, smiling beneficently, “I like her sour, ugly face.” 

You punched him hard on his left pec and he ‘oof’ed quietly but it didn’t stop him smiling.  

“Yeah?” Hanbyeol challenged. “That’s a face you want to kiss, huh? Really? Don’t believe you.” 

Changbin reflected her challenge in his eyes as he looked down at you.  

“Maybe I don’t want to kiss him,” you spat, glaring at your sister, ignoring Changbin’s offer.  

“Oh, Mikyong, you are a bitter old maid, you bitch. Let your boyfriend kiss you if he wants!”  

Did he want? 

Your heart was beating faster than you’d have liked. Your mouth went dry when you finally turned to Changbin to acquiesce. This hadn’t been part of the deal. Did he really want to do this? You didn’t. This was weird. It would be weird! How could you pull this off? It was your first kiss! Changbin was about to kiss you for the first time! His face was leaning down! He was really going to do it! How could you let him get this close? How can you pull away without ruining everything? What should you-! 

His lips were soft and the kiss was gentle. Lasted no more than a second. It took longer for you to come around from it, your mouth pouting and open, looking at Changbin as if you were lost and he would show you where to go. He lifted one side of his mouth in a lopsided grin and winked. 

That broke the spell.  

“Happy now?" you asked your sister, your ‘ugly, bitter old maid’ face back on-screen. 

She rolled her eyes, good-naturedly.  

“Whatever, Miki. You are so easy to tease.”  

She said it all looking dreamily at her husband and it made your stomach drop. She only had eyes for him. He only had eyes for her. You were desperately trying not to look at your ‘boyfriend.’ You didn’t know where he was looking.  

* 

You got off the train a few stops later, leaving Chan and Hani on it. You were itching to be by yourself. You had to process what had happened. Changbin had kissed you. Kissed you. Sure, he was goaded into it; he did it because your sister told him to. But he still did it. You didn’t know how you felt about it. After just ten minutes, you were starting to believe it hadn’t even happened, that you had somehow imagined it. Because you and Changbin didn’t kiss. Even though you were pretending to be together. You didn’t kiss. That didn’t happen. 

Changbin walked you to your door when you reached your floor and you turned in the doorway, looking at him as sour as you’d ever been. 

“Going to try to kiss me goodnight?” you asked, jeering and hating yourself for it.  

Changbin looked at you, a little hurt, a little annoyed, a little fucking tired of your prickly temper.  

“No,” was his simple reply.  

You didn't say anything back, but he didn’t leave, so you each stood in silence, one either side of your doorway. You knew he wanted to say something as mean-spirited as you had; you knew he was better than that so he wouldn’t. 

He turned his body slightly away, as if to leave, and then looked at you, mostly just sad, you thought. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. We haven’t talked about that; we haven’t agreed anything on that. I just thought you’d want to show your sister. Prove it or something. So I’m really sorry. I’ll see you later.” 

He was walking away and you could taste something bitter in your mouth: your own temper, your impatience with people, your totally unfair expectations of people that were better than you but liked you anyway.  

Steeling yourself and clenching your fists, you followed after him. 

“Changbin,” you called softly, prompting him to turn around.  

You took his hand in both of yours. 

“I’m sorry, too. Sorry I’m such a bitch. The kiss was fine. Thank you. It was good. Probably necessary; I don’t know. Thanks. I guess. Sorry.”  

Changbin just laughed and pulled you into a rib-squeezing hug. 

“You are so fucking stupid.” 

He was very, very right. 

* * * 

Changbin knocked at your door and entered your apartment with far less cheer than he might normally. You hadn’t spoken about the kiss since it happened and there had been no repeats of it. Things had fallen back into your new normal ‘friends who are pretending to be more than friends’ sham. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

He sat on your sofa and looked up at you, still serious. 

“Remember how you asked me for a favour?” 

You asked him for lots of favours but you immediately knew which he was referring to. 

“Yes.” 

“Remember how you said it’d be over quickly?” 

“... Yes.” 

You did not like the direction this was heading in, but he was owed, you knew that, so you determined to meet your fate with grace. 

“Remember how the very night you asked I had a date?” 

“Yes.” 

“Remember how long ago that was?” 

“... A month?” 

He hummed and nodded.  

“I was going to have sex that night, but I didn’t get to. Why?” 

“Because I made you cancel so you could fake-date me.” 

“Exactly. Know what that means?” 

You couldn’t see where he was heading because- well, you could see, but you didn’t really know what the favour was going to be. You weren’t sure you wanted to find out.  

“Uh, I don’t know.” 

“It means it’s been well over a month since I last had sex. Because of you.”  

“I’m sorry?” 

He chuckled and his face brightened. 

“I don’t want you to be sorry, babe-”  

You had long stopped flinching at the terms of endearment as they leaked into your non-fake-dating time, too. If Changbin had noticed, he didn’t let on, but you were aware every time he called you anything other than your name.  

“-I’m just saying. Aren’t you bothered? It’s not like you’ve been getting any either.” 

You shrugged. 

“No. I guess I’m not that bothered? I don’t know; I’ve been longer without. A month isn’t exactly that long. And it’s not like there aren’t ways to entertain myself.” 

“Don’t you get bored of that though?” 

You laughed. 

“Did you really come here for masturbation tips?” 

The tightened curl of his lips and aversion of his eyes told you he was embarrassed and he was never embarrassed. 

“No,” he answered pointedly. “I actually came to suggest that we have sex.” 

“What?!”  

The shock brought you out of your chair. He could not be serious. 

“What?” he returned. “We’re already fake-dating! Why not make a bit of it real? It doesn’t have to mean anything. Except both of us getting some... release. Relief. Call it stress relief! From the stresses of pretending to be dating. It’ll make the pretence easier, too, since it doesn’t seem like you are going to actually break us up anytime so-” 

“I am! I am! I’m working on it...”  

You couldn’t help the whine that crept into your tone. You were working on it. Or at least, you had been. It was too difficult. How could you find a way for your relationship to end and for you to remain friends at the end of it? And with each day that passed, it got harder, because your ‘relationship’ had gone on longer. And everyone was expecting it was getting more and more serious – especially as it was built on the foundation of your very solid, very real friendship.  

“Ok and while you work on it, we could be having sex.” 

“Changbin...” 

He regarded you carefully and you looked back, hoping you looked as pathetic as you felt.  

“You don’t have to say yes. I won’t take it personally. I just... I honestly just really want to get laid and you are the only person I’m allowed to have sex with at the moment. So you’ve really stitched me up here.” 

You sank down next to him on the sofa and laid your head on his shoulder. 

“I am sorry. I really didn’t mean for it to go on this long. I didn’t mean to stitch you up. It’s kind of got out of hand--. I actually didn’t mean to create this mess at all. My sister sometimes just brings out the worst in me.” 

“Yeah,” Changbin replied, patting your knee. “Family can do that.”  

There was a brief lull and then Changbin slapped his own thighs and stood. 

“Well, if you don’t want to have sex, I’m out of here.” 

“I didn’t say that!” 

He raised an eyebrow at you, and you were furious that your cheeks had the audacity to warm. You were a grown woman; he was a grown man. You should at least be able to talk about sex. You did talk about it! You had discussed it! 

But it was different when it was this – the two of you having it. Together. There was a line there. And he may have made some good points (you weren’t getting any; as long as you were pretending to date each other, you couldn’t sleep with anyone else; it would make the pretence easier), but suggesting it didn’t have to mean anything? Surely it meant something. It had to mean something! Friends didn’t just fuck their friends. That never worked. It always made things weird.  

Weirder than they already were? Wasn’t it already weird that you pretended to be together whenever you saw any of your friends, any of your family? Wasn’t it already weird that Changbin was so used to calling you ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ and god knew what else that he said even when you were alone? Wasn’t it already weird that you didn’t hesitate anymore, that the words ‘I have a boyfriend’ fell from your lips without your even having to try? Wasn’t it already weird that you were... getting used to this? Enjoying it even?  

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to. I also didn’t say I did. I don’t know. Don’t you feel like it would be weird?” 

He shrugged. 

“Maybe. Kind of too horny to care.” 

“Seo Changbin!” 

“What?! I'm being honest!” 

“I’ll think about it, ok?” 

“Sure. No pressure. I mean it.” 

“I know.” 

You did know. You would trust him with your life, and he was the softest little goober you’d ever met. That he might pressure you was not your concern at all.  

* 

You were true to your word: you thought about it. On and off over the next couple of days you thought about it. How much further over the line was it, really? You held hands. You had already kissed, a little. Ok, once. Was sex really such a leap? It would lend a lot of credence to this stupid lie you were both living. And you would get to have sex.  

But it would be with Changbin. What if he was bad at it? What if you discovered you were bad? What if his dick was weird? What if he liked stuff you hated? Or vice versa? You didn’t know if you believed that sex could be Just Sex, but, even if it could, that didn’t mean it wasn’t complicated. There were factors. A lot of them.  

A week and a half later, you thought you were experiencing déjà vu when Changbin entered your apartment again, asking for a favour. 

“Sex again?” you asked as you shut the door behind him. 

“Not exactly. It’s more embarrassing.” 

You did not attempt to hide your glee. 

“I love it; please ask immediately.” 

“Last time I asked about sex, you implied that you didn’t get bored getting yourself off. I’m asking, how? ‘Cause I’m looking at my hand like it’s my fucking enemy at this point.” 

You laughed. 

“Do not laugh!” he shouted. “I’m in actual need. I’m in agony. Please. Tell me how to make it more interesting for myself.” 

“I mean... Firstly, we have different parts, so my experience is not directly applicable to you. Secondly, how can you be that bored? Have you seriously never gone this long without sex in your adult life?” 

He shrugged but you recognised the look on his face: the one where he tried to hide a smug, gloating, little grin.  

“Are you seriously telling me you haven’t gone more than two months without sex?” 

“I haven’t had to!” 

“Oh my god.” 

You were in half a mind not to help, feeling like it might somehow expose you as undesirable, because you had been more than two months without; two months was currently very much in your rear-view mirror at that point.  

“Well,” you began, leading him into your bedroom, “for a start, if you’re only using your hand, then you are in for a treat. An entire world awaits you.” 

You knelt down next to your bedside cabinet and gathered all your toys, laying them out on the bed with a flourish. Changbin looked a little overawed.  

“That’s a lot of stuff.” 

“Yeah and you know you have to use them all at once?” 

For a second, he believed you and his eyes grew as wide as you had ever seen them before he scowled at you. 

“Shut the fuck up. I came to you for help. You owe me.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m just teasing. Now, like I said, a lot of these won’t be applicable to you, or might be but I cannot vouch for any kind of pleasure or satisfaction because most were designed for vulvas and vaginas and not penises.” 

“I love it when you talk dirty to me.” 

“Oh, now who’s teasing?! You want help or not?!” 

“I do! Sorry! Fine, carry on.” 

“Ok, well, this,” you held up a rather unwieldy, slightly inelegant thrusting toy, “is my favourite. It does not look sexy but it sure as shit feels it. The problem with the others-” you gave a sweep of your hand over a few other insertables on the bed- “is that I have short arms and sometimes I just can’t get the angle I need and keep a firm grip on them, right? Which is why this one is so good.”  

You stopped yourself just as you were about to- to what? Demonstrate? You put it back down on the bed in a hurry. 

“Ok, well, I don’t need anything like that.” 

“No?” 

“I top.” 

“Right. Ok.” 

You lifted another, much smaller toy. 

“That looks like something you’d use to clean your face.” 

“I cannot recommend it for that. If you want to get someone to squirt though, she’s your man.” 

Changbin looked surprised. 

“Ever made anyone squirt?” you asked, not sure if he would answer. 

He shook his head. 

“No, me neither... Except myself. With this. I’m not saying it’s guaranteed but she knows how to get the job done, y’know?” 

“Huh.” 

He took it from you, examining it as if he could learn its secrets from looks alone.  

“It’s a suction toy,” you clarified. “Works on the clit. Sucks. Hard. Not entirely sure what you might get out of it, but y’know, if you want to give it a try...”  

You laughed, feeling a little heat on your cheeks. It was both exceptionally weird and very not weird to be talking to Changbin like this.  

“Isn’t that weird?” he asked, looking at the toy in his hand like it was a live grenade. “To use your sex toys?” 

You shrugged. 

“They’re clean if that’s what you mean.” 

“Wasn’t suggesting they aren’t. It’s just... Isn’t that kind of intimate?” 

You hadn’t thought about it before, but he had a point. And the more you thought about it, the more intimate it seemed. These toys, all of them, had been used on you, had brought you to climax over and over again in the time you’d owned them. They knew your secrets; you were exposing your secrets to Changbin by even showing them to him. If he used them, too? A shiver like ice water slipped down your spine.  

But he was the one who had previously suggested you have sex. This was less intimate than that, right? 

You shrugged. 

“It’s just a thing, really,” you replied, even though it wasn’t at all what you thought. You moved the conversation on quickly. “I guess you’re not interested in butt plugs if you don-” 

“I didn’t say that.” 

You looked at his face but he was looking at the spread on your bed, his eyes roving across the row of plugs on the right.  

“Ever used one?” you ventured, a little tentatively, not sure if it would constitute a slight to suggest he had or hadn’t.  

He shook his head and you noticed the tips of his ears redden. 

“I probably don’t need to tell you to go careful,” you began, taking a few of the options away, the ones that were too big, a little too intimidating for a first-timer. “But you should go careful. Start small, start smooth. And never, ever insert anything without a ba-” 

“Yeah, I know!” 

His ears were redder now. He still had your suction toy in his hand and you could see how tightly his fist was clenched around it. It confused you because Changbin couldn’t possibly be that embarrassed. Could he? 

Silence fell and you weren’t sure what to say. Should you tell him which one to pick? Did you have to advise him how to use it? How could you do that when you had no idea the sort of things he liked? You wiggled your toes in your socks and tipped up lightly onto them before bringing your heels back down. 

“Ok,” you began slowly when it was clear he wasn’t going to speak. You picked up a little purple plug, soft silicone, bubbles of increasing size. You handed it to him and shrugged. “Give something like that a try. See how you like it.” 

Changbin didn’t look at you. He looked at the plug. He put the suction toy back down on the bed and continued to look at the small, beaded rod in his hand. 

“Uh,” you continued. “Ever used a cock ring?”  

He let out a comically enraged cry and stalked from your bedroom. 

“Bye!” he called, not looking back as he pulled open your front door and let it slam shut behind him. 

“Hey!” you shouted after him, catching his arm just as he walked out your front door.  

He stopped and turned. 

“You know the internet exists, right? Wouldn’t that have been less embarrassing than coming here and asking me?” 

He scowled, let out another anguished shout and stalked off. 

You laughed because you had to laugh, because he could have just used the internet—it would have been quicker, easier, less embarrassing, and probably more helpful. But he didn’t. He came to you and asked for your secrets. You didn’t know what that meant.  

There were nerves fluttering in your stomach that made you feel awkward and self-conscious. It felt like a line had been crossed somewhere. Not a bad line? But a line nonetheless.  

You returned to your bedroom and surveyed your collection left on your bed and wondered if you might take a few for a spin yourself. You decided not to. Changbin was in your head and if there was one person in the world you did not want to be thinking about, it was him.  

* * * 

You tried not to think about it anymore. Sex. Changbin. Any thoughts that involved either sex or Changbin. Nothing that strayed into that territory. It was a hornet’s nest, you’d decided. Nothing good could come from opening that can of worms. He could use each and every single one of your toys if he wanted but not your body. No. No. Nope. 

But you were having trouble focusing your mind. You were ovulating and this month in particular was being a real fucker. Your body was punishing you for being single. It was sick and tired of preparing a baby house and having you not put a baby in it. It was doing its damnedest this month to make it happen. 

You were out of your mind horny.  

You were beginning to sympathise with Changbin. You were, unfortunately and no matter how much you tried not to, thinking about his offer. His request. You were thinking about doing him, and yourself, that favour he’d asked.  

It couldn’t be that bad, could it? It could be good. He’d made some fair points. And you were curious now, you had to admit. You’d not, before this whole fake-dating thing, given much thought to how Changbin fucked, but your curiosity had been piqued. You hadn’t had your butt plug returned and you could only assume that meant he was enjoying it, though he hadn’t confirmed either way. You wondered if you could entice him to spice things up a little more. You wondered what he did. What he sounded like. What he- 

“Fuck!”  

You slammed your hands down on your desk and took a deep breath. You were not supposed to be thinking about this. You were supposed to be—you moved your mouse to wake your monitor—creating yet another tedious spreadsheet.  

You: you working rn? 

Bin: no. gym 

You: later? 

Bin: come over after work 

‘Oh good’, you thought to yourself sourly, ‘that gives me four more hours of this. I’ve got to stew on this for four fucking hours before I can even broach the topic.’ 

The thought made you sick. You didn’t examine why. You worked for five more minutes, messaged your manager to say you weren’t feeling well and logged off.  

Then you left your apartment and went down to the gym. 

* * * 

You were having a great day. A fantastic day, in fact. That was what you were telling yourself. Because you were about to hit a new deadlift PR and that made it fantastic, as long as you ignored everything else going on in your life. Which is exactly what you were doing. 

You were looking down at the bar on the floor, heavily loaded, and you were talking to it nicely. You were a team: you, the bar, the weights on either end of it. You were a team, and you were going to do this thing together.  

You took a deep breath, taking no notice of the guy a few metres away who was watching you. You didn’t care about him. You never cared about men in the gym because the gym was yours. And no two-bit, ’roided-out gym bro was ever going to put you off your stride. And certainly not today. Let him watch. You’d show him.  

You adjusted your feet and shook out your hands before placing them on the bar. You favoured a mixed grip. You got into position, took a breath in, braced your core, and lifted.  

It flew. 

This was not a weightlifting gym, or anything close to that; it was the gym in your apartment building that came ‘free’ with your exorbitant rent, so you had to carefully lower the weights back to the floor. Then you allowed yourself a loud, crowing whoop and a double fist-pump. 

You stood straight, victorious, not even trying to hide the grin on your face and, when you tuned back into the world, the man who had been watching you was clapping. You whipped around to face him, assuming the worst, assuming he was patronising you or mocking you, but he grinned brightly at you. 

“PR?” he asked.  

You nodded dumbly.  

“Nice one. Congrats. You made it look easy.” 

He smiled and nodded once at you and then turned back to his own workout: a push day, it looked like, as he sat down on an inclined bench and lifted two enormous dumbbells to his shoulders. 

Huh. 

That was nice. You didn’t have many nice interactions with men at the gym. Men like him anyway. He was big, hulking, probably bulking given the softness of his skin on his arms, the fit of his tight T-shirt. You’d noticed him before, once or twice; he must live in the building to be using the gym but there were hundreds of people living here so that didn’t help much. He lifted heavy and kept to himself. That was really all you knew. 

It distracted you somewhat from your victory, this guy. This nice guy who might actually have been normal. You turned back to the bar and tried to get back in the zone, remember just what you were doing. But that had been it. You were going to PR the fuck out of this lift and then stretch yourself into oblivion.  

It was only when you were moving to the free area, walking past him, that you realised you hadn’t responded when he congratulated you. 

“Thanks, by the way,” you said as you passed, timing it carefully so you wouldn’t take him by surprise with 20 kilos above his head.  

He smiled again. 

“You’re welcome. You’re not trying for more?”  

He nodded to rack, where you’d put everything away. You shook your head. 

“Quitting while I’m ahead.” 

“Well, you really did make it look easy. I reckon you’ve got more in you.” 

He meant with regards to deadlifting. He meant he thought you could probably take another five kilos, or maybe even ten, but it was exactly the sort of thing you needed to hear at that moment and a lump formed in your throat. It took you off-guard and you felt your cheeks heat. You just nodded and moved quickly to the floor where you put yourself in child’s pose to hide your face.  

You focused on counting your breaths and moving slowly between stretches. You didn’t look his way again when you left. You returned home, sat heavily on your sofa and cried. 

* 

That had been your first interaction with Changbin. And for a while it was your only interaction. Your workouts didn’t overlap and you didn’t see him in the corridors. 

Then you walked into the gym on a grey, cold November morning, barely awake and not looking forward to exercise. There were a few others there already: a much older man walking slowly on the treadmill, a very bendy woman working through some yoga on the mats, and that guy. The one from your deadlift PR.  

You were pleased to see him, though you couldn’t have said why. He had, technically, made you cry. Even though it wasn’t anything at all to do with him and everything to do with your relationship falling apart around you and your self-worth being at rock bottom and your absolute desperate need for a win, even a tiny win, anything.  

Still, it was nice to see him again.  

You took to a treadmill to try to shake off your sleep and then moved slowly through an upper body workout. Everyone always said they hated leg day but you? You hated arms; you hated chest; you hated back and shoulders; you hated pushing and pulling. What you wouldn’t have given for squats that frosty morning.  

You had just placed your dumbbell onto the floor with an unforgiving thud, setting your timer for a 30-second rest when he approached you.  

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” he began, and he did sound it, “do you have just a minute to spot me?” 

You couldn’t answer immediately. You? He wanted you to spot him? He could probably bench you; how on earth would you be any good to him? 

“Me?” you asked. “Are you... sure?” 

He just looked towards the old man on the treadmill (yoga woman was already finished and out of the gym) and shrugged. You giggled and stood. 

“I’ll do my best.” 

“Thank you!” 

You followed him to the squat rack and tried to do your quickest maths to calculate the weight he was attempting. You grimaced internally; that would break your fucking back. But you didn’t want to make him feel nervous or to knock any of his confidence, so you pretended you were confident, too, offering up your arms as he lodged himself beneath the bar. You kept your hands hovering as he stepped back, as he lowered, as he pushed up.... It was shaky and slow and you were genuinely worried for a second that you would have to really do something, but he made it. He took two steps forward, dumped the bar on the rack and let out a cry that was far too loud for the hour.  

You laughed. 

“PR?” 

He grinned. 

“You know it.” 

“I wish I could say you made it look easy but...” 

He laughed, properly laughed, and shook his head. 

“Why are you trying to ruin this moment for me?” 

You laughed in return and introduced yourself. 

“I’m Miki.” 

“Changbin,” he offered in return, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

* 

And that had been that. Somehow, though you didn’t quite know how, your workouts began to coincide more and more; you began to chat between sets; he continued to ask you to spot him despite knowing that you could do no such thing. Then one day you asked him to hang out outside the gym.  

Now you couldn’t shake him. Even if you’d wanted to. Which you didn’t. Never had.  

* * * 

You could literally feel yourself salivate as you watched him lift and you could not believe yourself to be such a basic, animal being. Humans were supposed to be above all that ‘in heat’ stuff, but apparently you weren’t. You were watching him—leg day, beautiful leg day—deadlift, watching him hinge, watching the tension on his face, the pump in his quads.... You had officially crossed the line into creepy, but you couldn’t help it. 

You were hot. Literally, physically too warm.  

“Binnie!” you shouted, striding across the room to him. It had slipped out, the first time in two months you’d referred to him as something other than ‘Changbin’. You didn’t even notice. 

He looked at you, confused. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Couldn’t wait until tonight. I need to talk to you.” 

“Is everything ok?” 

You shrugged, as if this was casual. As if you were about to say something normal to him. 

“Everything’s fine, but...” You scanned the room to make sure it was empty. “Look, I’m here to take you up on your offer.” 

The confusion did not leave his face. 

“Offer?” 

You shrugged again. 

“Favour, request, whatever. I want to have sex.” 

His mouth dropped open and he blinked twice before his brows furrowed again. 

“What?” 

“You heard! I want to have sex!” You whispered it, hissed it even, despite the empty room. It was embarrassing to be asking. 

“Ok,” Changbin shrugged. 

You had been expecting a fight, you now realised. You had thought he would protest a little – not necessarily against the sex itself but the fact that he had already asked and you’d turned him down. You thought his ego might make him string it out a little, make you work for it.  

“Ok, so are you finished here?” 

There was the surprise you were after. 

“Now?” 

“Yes, now!” 

“I’m- I’m at the gym!” 

“So finish.” 

“Well, I...” 

“I’ll wait if you really haven’t finished your workout.” 

Taken aback by the turn of events, Changbin looked a little dazed and nodded. 

“I only have a couple of sets left,” he said and you nodded. 

“Cool, I’ll wait for you upstairs. My place?” 

He shrugged, looking as if he had no idea what the right answer was.  

But it had to be your place. It had to be on your ground, not for a home advantage but... something like that. Somewhere you felt in control. Somewhere you felt comfortable. Somewhere you knew exactly what your bed was like and where the condoms were.  

You decided to take the stairs, initially, because you had energy to burn. Then you realised that tiring yourself before the sex was an even stupider idea than the sex itself, so you opened the door at the top of the next flight of stairs and used the lift.  

Bin: gonna shower. Be there in 15? 

You: no come now. 

Bin: ??? 

You: what? 

Bin: I'm sweaty 

You: so? 

When he didn’t reply again, you assumed he was ignoring you and showering anyway, but then you heard the beep of your keypad and the door opened.  

“Can I just ask,” he began, no greeting, “before we do this... What the fuck has got into you?” 

“What?” 

“You were not exactly up for it when I asked about it and now you’re skipping work to fuck me? You’re not even letting me shower?” 

Your face heated with embarrassment, but the mere fact that you were asking for this gave the game away anyway, so was there really any shame in it? 

“I’m ovulating,” you stated, as if that would explain it.  

It would, to you. Possibly to anyone else who menstruated. Changbin looked at you wild-eyed. 

“Uh...” 

You saw his hands just barely raise at his sides, his right foot stepping backwards as if he were trying to surreptitiously retreat. 

“I’m not trying to get pregnant, you moron! I’m ovulating and that means I am out of my fucking mind with- with wanting to get laid! I am desperate.” 

“Well, you sure know how to make a man feel desired.” 

“Oh, shut up. You know the situation we’re in and you said as much to me last time: there is no one else we can fuck right now, but if I don’t fuck someone, I’m going to lose my mind.” 

“What happened to your arsenal of toys?” 

“Not the same and you know it. I just need to be fucked right now. I am desperate; don’t make me say it again!”  

You couldn’t help the impatience and frustration in your tone and you knew it wasn’t sexy, wasn’t encouraging, but there was nothing you could do about it. You were beyond help of any kind other than his cock stuffed inside you. It just happened to make you a little less nice.  

“Don’t shout at me! It’s no wonder you’re single if this is how you proposition men!” 

“This is not how I proposition men! You propositioned me first! I’m just taking you up on it!” 

“Well I’m not going to do it if you’re going to look that fucking angry the whole time!” 

“I’m not angry; I’m frustrated!” 

“Potayto, po-fucking-tah-to!” 

“Are we doing this or not?!” 

Changbin didn’t answer immediately and you swore to yourself that, if he said no, you would be fine with it. You would not explode and die right there on the floor of your living room. And you would not hate him forever. 

He jabbed a finger at you. 

“We’re doing this but you have to not be a total cunt to me the whole time.” 

You decided not to hesitate. You didn’t have the patience for taking it slow anyway but one of you had to be decisive; it would be awkward if there was hesitation and stumbling and embarrassment. He had just confirmed his agreement. He had said you were doing it. So you had to do it. Do the damn thing. You grabbed the front of his T-shirt and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips into his.  

It was nothing like the first kiss. That was gentle and short and chaste and this was everything but. Before you’d snaked your tongue into his mouth, he had hoisted you in the air. You wrapped your legs around his waist, and he carried you to the sofa and lay you down. He moaned when you sucked at his tongue and you moaned back, your hands already pulling his shirt up his chest.  

His skin was damp and sticky with sweat, salty when you put your mouth on it. You didn’t care. You liked the soft animal of his body, liked its power, liked the way it was firm under your hands, unyielding. Liked the way he could so easily have his way with you if he wanted; it’s not like you were weak yourself but Changbin was stronger and you knew you couldn’t take him in a fight. You wanted that. You wanted all that used against you right now. Not to fight but to fuck. You wanted him to fuck you so hard, you couldn’t stand. You could already feel the intense ache in your core as it radiated heat. You needed to be touched. So badly. Now that it was actually happening, you couldn’t believe you had let yourself go so long without it.  

“Binnie,” you panted, clutching the waistband of your trousers, shuffling them down, trying to discard them. “Binnie, touch me, please.” 

He responded with a nip to the delicate skin of your neck and a hand sliding down your stomach.  

“Fucking hell,” he breathed when his fingers found your wet slit. “You weren’t kidding.” 

“What?” 

“You are desperate.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Changbin,” you spat, with perhaps too much bite. 

His fingers withdrew and he leant up on his hands, looking down at you with his brows raised. 

“You can’t ask me to touch you and then speak to me like that when I do.”  

You rolled your eyes and gave him a simpering smile. 

“Aw, does Binnie not like it when I’m not nice to him? Oh, poor Binnie,” you cooed in a baby voice. “Does Binnie like praise, huh? Want me to praise you?” 

His face hardened but he didn’t tell you it was over, that if you were going to behave like that, he’d change his mind. He didn’t say anything and you knew it was because you were right but he didn’t want to tell you. That was one benefit of sleeping with someone you knew so well. You could read him. You didn’t need him to confirm.  

But you also weren’t great at being nice. Praise was not a thing that came naturally to you. And he had said you weren’t allowed to be a total cunt to him. That was fair. You rolled your eyes. 

“Fine, I’ll be nice,” you huffed. “Promise.”  

It was Changbin who rolled his eyes then and looked as if he didn’t believe you but didn’t care either way. He lowered himself down and brought his lips to yours.  

His kiss swallowed the loud sound you made when his fingers found their way south and made their entrance. It had been too long since someone else had got you off. Way too long. You knew it from the way your walls were already spasming, your muscles tightening, your breath catching. 

“Harder,” you gasped when he let your mouth go. “Harder, faster, please.”  

There was a minute pause in which he registered your instruction and then he complied, but it wasn’t enough. 

“Seriously,” you continued. “You don’t have to be nice to me. I want more.”  

His eyes met yours and when he raised his brows this time, your stomach swooped; it was dark and promising and there was something in his eyes that said he was going to give you everything you wanted. 

He slid another finger inside you and drew back so he could focus his other hand on your swollen clit.  

You couldn’t speak. You whimpered and keened and nodded; you clutched at Changbin’s arm and the sofa cushion; you arched your back and drew your feet in. You came with a loud cry and your body flopped backwards, your chest heaving as you got your breath back, your body shaking just a little. 

“Thanks,” you panted. 

Changbin laughed. 

“You’re welcome.” 

You pulled him closer, slipping a hand around the back of his neck to bring your face to his, to kiss him, hard, deep, indulgent.  

“Where do you keep condoms?” he broke away to ask and your mind was still dazed enough that it took you a second. You shook your head, tried to clear it, and pointed into your bathroom. Changbin moved off you and you stumbled as you got to your feet. He was rising as if to go himself, but you waved him off, sat him back down.  

The few steps between him and the bathroom gave you a second to catch your breath, to anticipate what was about to happen with a buzzing kind of glee wailing in your head (and elsewhere). You felt greedy. Insatiable. You wanted to take an entire box of condoms out there and use them all. You wanted to break yourself on him, break him, until there was nothing left of you but dust.  

You took one foil packet from the box and returned to Changbin who was still standing next to the sofa, waiting for you. His black shorts hid the damp spots of pre-cum but couldn’t hide the tent of his erection. You felt your mouth water at the thought of it. An icy streak of doubt passed through you when you realised you’d never seen it before. Never had cause to give it any thought at all. What if it was disappointing?  

Then Changbin dropped his shorts and his boxers, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding.  

“Thank god,” you muttered under your breath, not intending for him to hear, but he cocked his head at you. 

“For what?” 

You snorted. 

“Thank god you have a nice dick.” 

He laughed and you could almost see his pride swell in the way he tucked his shoulders back and raised his head a little, the ever so slightly bashful grin that nevertheless carried a certain smugness. You had never known how he did that: vulnerability and arrogance at the same time. But then again, he was a Leo. 

You wasted no more time. You pushed him back onto the sofa, tore open the condom packet, and rolled it down his length. You held his cock as you positioned yourself over him, making yourself sink slowly. Making yourself take him inch by inch not all at once, because you would never get this first time again and you wanted to savour it. You wanted to remember exactly how he felt, his girth stretching you in a way that bordered on but didn’t cause pain.  

When he was fully sheathed, you sat your full weight on him and took his face in your hands. You kissed him, sloppy and wet and full of tongue, then slowly began to roll your hips. He groaned, squeezed at your glutes, tipped his head back and sighed. 

“Fuck, you feel amazing.”  

You nodded, but he had his eyes closed, and you remembered just exactly who it was you were dealing with.  

“You, too,” you replied. You tucked your face into his neck and keened as you adjusted your angle. You didn’t really talk much, usually. Weren’t sure what to say. Knew you had to say something. You kissed his neck to buy some time, sucking a bruise into his soft skin, tasting the salty tang of his sweat. “Fuck, Binnie,” you whispered. “So good.”  

Lame. But you didn’t have the headspace to dwell on it because it was so good. He fit you just right; you were tight and wet and hot and your legs trembled every time the head of his cock squeezed past your g-spot.  

“I’m gonna flip you,” he grunted, having noticed it, feeling the clench in your walls with each pass.  

Then without another second’s delay, he did, and you were on your back and he was drilling into you with hard, precise thrusts of his hips. You let your head tip back and your mouth hang open, just as he had only moments earlier.  

“More,” you murmured as you felt you lose yourself to it. To him. To the pleasure of it all, the pressure building, coiling like a spring. This was exactly what you had wanted. Needed. The relief of it was breath-taking and that was before the orgasm hit you.  

Then it slammed into you like a train on a track and you cried out. Your eyes squeezed shut and your muscles tensed hard and your cunt clenched tight around Changbin’s thick length. He grunted, he gasped, he cried out, too, spilling into the condom and letting the tension in his body go, just enough to relax, but not so much to crush you.  

When you opened your eyes, stars danced in front of them, the ceiling of your apartment temporarily transformed into a night-sky kaleidoscope. You brushed the hair from Changbin’s face. 

“Relax, Bin, you can’t crush me.” 

He snorted lightly and let himself put his weight onto you.  

Maybe he could crush you. But you could take it. For a moment at least.  

“Thank you,” he said, his breath coming in heavy gasps, his stomach pushing against yours with each inhale.  

You laughed breathily, your lungs buried under his weight, trapped. 

“You’re welcome.” 

He lifted his head and the look on his face was hesitant, possibly even a little shy, but you knew what he wanted because you wanted it too. You drew his face to yours and kissed him, soft and sweet, then a little less, then a little deeper, with a little more urgency, your tongue dancing with his, his teeth biting down on your lips, little moans escaping the both of you.  

It lasted longer than you had intended. So long that you wanted to go again, that you’d recovered enough to want him some more, to want seconds and even thirds. The box of condoms in your bathroom cabinet sprung into your mind and your heart quickened.  

“Hey,” you said quietly, holding his face back from yours so you could look in his eyes. “Do you want to do that again?” 

It took a second for your words to register and he didn’t reply except to bring his lips to yours once more. He twisted his body so he could rest on his forearms above you, then he put his weight onto his left side, his right hand trailing down your body as he kissed you.  

* 

“Ok, now I really have to shower,” Changbin said, standing from the sofa with a long, tired groan.  

“You can shower here if you want,” you said, twisting around to watch him get dressed.  

He smiled but shook his head.  

“No way. I’ve never known a single person who takes less care of their skin than you do. Your soap would strip me like paint thinner.” 

You snorted and rolled your eyes. 

“Whatever. My skin is just naturally soft.” 

Changbin chuckled. 

“You keep telling yourself that, babe.”  

You rose, too, as he reached the door and, without realising it was happening, he turned with his hand on the doorknob and you kissed goodbye. It wasn’t until the door was shutting after him that you realised it had happened. Was that weird?  

You didn’t have the energy for it. You showered quickly and flopped onto your sofa for an ill-advised, late-afternoon, post-coital nap. 

* * * 

The next morning, you woke late and rushed through your morning workout, your morning shower, your breakfast, and hurried out of the door to the office. You made yourself a coffee, logged into everything, and then sat staring blankly at your inbox.  

You had sex with Changbin. Twice. You hadn’t given it enough thought yesterday—not after and certainly not before. But that was crossing a line, right? Sex changed things. You had put him off the first time because you thought it would make things weird, that it would be weird. 

But it hadn’t been. It wasn’t awkward or embarrassing. It was good. So good you’d asked for it again. So good that you could still feel it in your body as you twisted vacantly from side to side on your chair. It had been good for him, too, right? He had been vocal (that much you had expected) but was that acting? 

He had been a very convincing fake boyfriend so far. Maybe it had just been a continuation of the act. 

Except it had been his idea. In the first place, anyway.  

You could feel yourself getting tangled up in knots, so you had a stern word with yourself and set up blocks on your phone so that you might be able to focus better.  

* 

The frustrating thing about it was that you couldn’t talk to anyone. You couldn’t go to any of your friends and say ‘oh my god, I slept with Changbin’ because, as far as they were concerned, you’d been sleeping together for weeks—months!—now. It couldn’t be new, couldn’t be news.  

You stopped at the shop on the way home for a bottle of wine, then you took it two floors beyond your apartment and let yourself in. 

Changbin was on his sofa, shaking a protein drink in a plastic bottle. He looked surprised to see you. 

“Look,” you began immediately, plonking the bottle onto the coffee table and retrieving two glasses from his kitchen cupboard. You placed these on the table and poured a generous glug of wine into each. “I have to talk to you and you are just going to have to go with it because I cannot talk to anyone else about this, alright?” 

“Ok.” 

You took a deep breath and blew it out sharply. 

“I slept with Changbin.” 

His eyes narrowed and he looked from side to side and back to you. 

“Uh... You know I’m Changbin, right? That’s me.” 

“Yes, I know!” you shouted, flinging your hands up, sloshing wine over the rim and onto your trousers. “But I can’t tell anyone else, can I? Because then they would know we haven’t been sleeping together! So you are the only person I can talk to! Just go with it.” Then, to let him know you actually really needed this, you added, “please.” 

“Ok.” 

“I slept with Changbin,” you repeated. 

“Right,” he started, and you could tell he wasn’t quite sure what response was the right one. “Uh, how was it?” 

“Honestly, really fucking good.” 

He grinned, his proud ego shining through, and you slapped him hard on the arm. 

“Shut up!” you hissed, even though he hadn’t said anything. “I’m saying it was good.” 

“And that’s... bad?” 

“No! ... I don’t know! I don’t know anything! Isn’t it weird? Why did we do it? Why wasn’t it weird?! Aren’t you confused?!” 

Changbin looked away for a moment and thought it over.  

“I’m not confused.”  

“You aren’t?”  

He shrugged.  

“Should I be?” 

“It doesn’t affect you at all that we slept together?” 

“Does it affect you? Affect you how?” 

“I don’t know!” you wailed.  

“It’s like I said before, we’re pretending to be dating so we can’t sleep with anyone else. It’s, what did I call it? Stress relief.” 

“You also said you were too horny to care if it was weird, but now we’ve had sex, so the... the pressure is gone, right? As in... We’ve had relief... Does that change things?” 

He shrugged again and it lit a match of frustration within you. 

“Changbin! For fuck’s sake, stop shrugging! Stop being so unbothered by this!” 

“Why do you want me to be bothered?! It sounds like you want it to be weird, to come between us, or ruin our friendship or something!-” 

“-Of course I don’t!” 

“Then why are you here insisting things have to change?” 

“I don’t know!”  

A loud thumping from the apartment next door broke the tension and you both slumped back on the sofa. You would have to stop shouting if you were going to continue this conversation because Changbin had lived here long enough for you know that that was a polite warning call.  

“If it’s made you feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it again,” Changbin said, his voice softer now, quieter. 

“I’m not uncomfortable. I could never be uncomfortable with you. It just... I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking it. You’re right. It was just sex. And we’re just friends.” 

“Exactly.”  

“Ok.” 

You drained your wine glass and re-filled it, putting your feet up on the table as Changbin switched on the TV. He took a minute selecting something to watch (opting for a youtube video on the best mechanics of the Romanian deadlift which was not as boring as it sounds) and, once it was playing, he picked up his wine glass and asked, without looking at you. 

“But where does that leave us, exactly? Re: sex. Is it off the table?” 

You took a minute to think about it. You didn’t want to say no. Because you knew what it was like now. You knew what you’d be missing. And, if he was right, then it wouldn’t change anything between you. You could have it all. But saying yes still felt like saying something. And you weren’t sure exactly what.  

“It’s not off the table,” you answered quietly, your glass perched on your lips so you could take a drink as soon as the sentence ended. You took a gulp larger than you’d intended and tried not to choke.  

“Ok, then.”  

* * * 

It was so not off the table. It was so on the table that it almost became a permanent fixture. It seemed silly not to. You couldn’t sleep with anyone else while you were pretending to date each other and the seal was well and truly broken. It didn’t feel as though you had anything to lose, not since it became clear that it didn’t change things between you. 

If anything, it made things better.  

It was as if a barrier that you hadn’t known existed between you had dissolved. Pretending to be his girlfriend was so much easier now. You’d always felt awkward about the physicality of it: having to hold his hand, make sure you were near him, the occasional jeering pressure to kiss in front of people as if you had something to prove to them. It was easy now because you’d touched far more than just his hands, kissed him in ways that would be indecent viewed by an audience.  

“You guys seem good,” Chaeyong commented lightly from across the table.  

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. 

“Uh, we do?” 

“When did we seem bad?” Changbin asked at the same time. 

“Honestly, no one had any hope of the two of you making it,” Seungmin added. “You were always so weird with each other. We thought you might have broken up but didn’t want to tell people or something.” 

You and Changbin exchanged a quick glance and you tried not to make it obvious when you gulped and found the inside of your lip between your teeth.  

“You mean you think we were pretending to date?” Changbin asked, thoroughly convincing in his bemused scorn.  

“Fuck knows! But something was going on, for sure.” 

“But you seem normal now.” Chaeyoung smiled sweetly and she looked innocent but, truthfully, she had been your biggest concern: nothing got past her and you were worried that she was still unconvinced.  

“Gee, thanks.” 

Thank god for Changbin, who was unflappable in the face of his own deceptions.  

“We’re saying we’re happy for you, idiots,” Seungmin offered with a withering glare before turning to his other side, where apparently the conversation was of greater interest.  

You turned to Changbin with a slyly triumphant smile on your face, which he returned exactly. You didn’t stop yourself leaning forward to kiss him and he didn’t stop you either.  

* * * 

For the first few weeks of your ‘relationship’, you had genuinely spent time and effort trying to think of a way for the two of you to end it. None seemed satisfactory. You weren’t really an experienced liar (not to this extent) and they all seemed transparent, lame, obviously made-up. It was as if you had never experienced any sort of relationship before because you just couldn’t think of a reasonable way for you and Changbin to stop dating. 

Frustrated by your lack of progress on the topic, you thought of it less and less often. Then you and Changbin started sleeping together and you stopped thinking about it altogether. This situation was working out quite nicely for the both of you. All the fun parts of a relationship with none of the drawbacks.  

You were enjoying it so much, you were annoyed you hadn’t thought of it before. And it seemed like the feeling was mutual. Changbin hadn’t raised the topic of your break-up; he still called your pet names and kissed you in public.  

You had been sure, when you first suggested it, that it would be a disaster. But your desperation to get one over on your sister had been just enough to override that worry. Now, you were certain it was the best idea you’d ever had, and you were very nearly grateful to Hani for forcing it.  

“Hey,” Changbin said softly, catching your hand and dragging you away from the group.  

It was summer and the river park was busy. You had amassed a greater group of people than you’d expected – word going around to friends of friends of friends – and your absence from it would not be noticed quickly.  

Not that anyone would care if they did notice. You were a couple now; you were allowed to disappear by yourselves. 

“Have you met Sakura?” he asked.  

“Uh, yeah, Felix’s friend, right?” 

He nodded. 

“Yeah, I mean, we met today. I don’t know her. Why?” 

“She asked me out.” 

“What?! Doesn’t she know you have a girlfriend?” 

It shouldn’t have bothered you. Because you weren’t his girlfriend, not really. You didn’t have any real claim to him. In fact, this should probably have happened before now, you told yourself. Changbin was a catch; he was hot and fun and kind and, frankly, anyone would be fucking lucky to have him.  

But you had him. As far as anyone knew anyway. Hadn’t you literally been introduced to Sakura as his girlfriend earlier that day? Where the fuck did she get off asking out your boyfriend? 

Changbin shrugged again and you felt your hackles raise. 

“I guess she forgot? I don’t know.” 

“Well, why are you bringing it up to me? Obviously you said no.” 

“I said no.” 

“So why bother telling me? Are you saying you want to go out with her?” 

“I was just checking whether or not I’d ever be allowed to go out with anyone again. Y’know, if you were ever going to end this thing like you promised you would months ago?” 

You started. He hadn’t brought that up for ages. You hadn’t thought about it. You felt strongly that you should not admit to not having thought about it.  

“Of course, I’m going to end it,” you hissed. “Want me to do it right now so you can go over and tell Sakura you’ve changed your mind?” 

“Don’t overreact, Miki. This was always going to end. You specifically promised me that it would, in fact.” 

“And it will! I actually thought we were both ok with things as they were, since we’re both getting something from it, but fine. I’ll have your break-up ready for you tomorrow.” 

You didn’t wait for a response. You stalked off, too angry to notice that you were leaving your phone and your bag and everything else in the park. Too angry to turn back when you did notice. You walked, with heavy, angry footsteps, for a mile or two in the direction of your apartment which was still several miles away. Then you stopped and stood and didn’t know what to do. Your heart was still pounding, your breath coming heavily because you did not commit yourself to cardio in the way you did to lifting, and you were still shaky with anger.  

You could not turn back. The horror of the embarrassment you would feel having to return after storming off was too strong. But you couldn’t walk all the way home. You weren’t even sure exactly which way to go, having never done the journey fully on foot before. You were stranded. You knew your only option was the river. But you decided you would rather die than go back there. You would rather sleep on the street than show your face.  

You continued to stand there, waiting for your anger to fade, to be replaced by worry and, yes, embarrassment. You tried to guess what time everyone would start leaving. It was still light (such was the curse of the summer months) so it was entirely possible that some would stay late into the evening, the night even. You couldn’t stand out on the street for that long.  

“Hey.” 

You whipped around at the sound of his voice. He was five feet away. 

“What do you want?”  

You could see him biting his tongue, being the bigger person.  

“Thought you might you need this,” Changbin said, holding out your bag. 

“Whatever,” you replied, neither turning away nor reaching out for it. 

“Well, if you don’t want it...” 

He went to turn, to walk back the way he had come, but you snatched your bag from his hand. Before he could react, you put your feet to asphalt, as quickly as you could without running. 

“You’re fucking welcome!” he shouted after you. 

You were seething again, your stomach roiling, your blood boiling, sweat pricking in your hair. You walked to the nearest subway station in a kind of red haze, barely aware of your surroundings, cognisant only of your own body and its rage.  

* 

He didn’t call you the next day. 

Or the next day. 

Or the one after that.  

You wondered if that was it. If that would do it. Break you up. Was it already over? The thought pained you, but you were still angry with him. He had pulled you aside to tell you that another woman was interested in him; he had suggested he was interested in her. But he was supposed to be yours.  

He wasn’t yours. You repeated it to yourself, knowing that it should help, that it should make it not hurt, that it should make you not angry with him, that it was the truth. But it didn’t work. You couldn’t make it go away.  

He didn’t call you for a full week and you were scowling at lunch with your sister and her husband, your parents, too. Chan asked if he could speak with you. It shook you from your sour stupor and you followed him without hesitation. 

“So what’s up with you and Changbin?” he asked, casually, as if he weren’t kicking a hornet’s nest. 

“Nothing,” came your sullen reply. 

“Ok... So what’s up with you and Changbin?” 

You scowled some more and kept your mouth shut. 

“There’s obviously something going on between the two of you, and he won’t tell me what it is so I’m asking you. It sucks to see you two like this. You know how happy Hani and I were about you two getting together....” 

If you hadn’t been so self-indulgent with your week-long bad mood, you might have sensed his tone, caught the micro-expressions on his face that were giving you an opening. But you had been self-indulgent, so you missed them all.  

“If he won’t tell you, I don’t see why I should.”  

“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I thought I would ask you myself before I tell your sister.” 

He had your full attention now.  

“What do you mean tell my sister?” 

“I mean tell her that I’m worried that something has happened between the two of you. You’re fighting or not speaking or somethin-” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because I know both of you? Changbin has been out of sorts all week and you have barely touched your food, barely uttered a word except to be as horrible to your sister as you’ve ever been.” 

Chan never told you off. He never told anyone off. You felt chastened and shamed but that only fuelled your anger.  

“Fine, I’ll go.” 

“That’s not what I said.” 

“I’m clearly not wanted here if I’m so horrible to your precious, little wife-” You saw the way his jaw clenched and you knew that he would kick you out himself if you said much more; it felt good, pushing that button. Made you feel like you had a little bit of control, a little bit of power. “As if I ever gave a shit about her anyway. I only come to these stupid lunches because my parents make me. I hate coming. I hate Hani. I hate you. And I fucking hate Changbin!” 

Chan said nothing. He looked at you with dark, furious eyes and took hold of your elbow. He escorted you carefully to the front door, waited while you put on your shoes, handed you your things, and shut the door firmly behind you.  

You wished you could scream. You immediately ordered a taxi and waited impatiently until you got home. Then you picked up your pillow, pressed it to your face and let rip. You raged until your head hurt and then you fell asleep on your sofa, waking in the small hours of the morning with a sore neck. You climbed into your bed and tossed and turned. You did not sleep. You refused to get up.  

When the sun was high in the sky and streaming into your apartment, there came a knock on the door. You thought for five seconds about ignoring it because you weren’t expecting and didn’t want to see anyone. Then you got up to answer it anyway. 

“So apparently you hate me,” he said in greeting.  

Changbin stood at your door. He didn’t let himself in. He knocked. He waited for you to open it.  

Then he said that, and you bit back before you could stop yourself. 

“Isn’t the feeling mutual?”  

Changbin sighed. Rolled his eyes. 

“Ok, let me know when you’ll stop being a cunt and maybe I’ll try again.” 

He walked away and you let him.  

* * * 

You kept waiting for him to come again. He didn’t. You waited for him to call or text. He didn’t. As time went on, you had assumed you would care less, get over it, stop being bothered by it. You didn’t. 

It had started to hurt. It began as a needling kind of pain, sharp but small. Then it began to grow and now you woke with a hole in your chest and bitterness in your heart.  

You thought about him all the time. What he must be telling people. You had refused to talk to anyone about it, refused to go out, shut yourself up in your poky apartment waiting for it all to go away.  

It didn’t. 

There was a knock on your door and you jumped, because it had to be Changbin. Because who else could get into the building? 

Your body physically withered at the sight of your sister. 

“How did you get in here?” you asked. 

“I know your building code, Miki. I know your door code, too, but I didn’t want to just barge in.” 

“Why not? You love barging in. You love poking your nose in where it’s not welcome.” 

Hani did not reply. She sat on your coffee table and gestured for you to take a seat opposite her on your sofa. 

“What do you want?” 

“I came to see if you wanted to talk about it.” 

“Talk about what?” 

Hani closed her eyes briefly and you knew she was rolling them beneath her lids. She was too polite to just do it outwardly, even though it was obvious how she felt.  

“You and Changbin haven’t been speaking much, huh?” 

“Fuck off, Hani.” 

“I know he misses you.” 

“You don’t know anything.” 

“I’m married to his best friend, M-” 

“I’m his best friend!” 

“Ok, ok, I’m married to one of his very close friends. Chan says he’s miserable and I know you are, too.” 

“You don’t know anything.” 

“I don’t know much, I’ll admit that, but that’s because you don’t tell me anything. Have you ever considered that I’d be less ‘fucking annoying’ if you ever let me in? If you ever volunteered information about yourself and your life? I don’t like being the person you think I am. I know you think I’m hen-pecking you, I’m a nag, I’m just like Mum and all the much less kind things you’ve said. But I’m not. You just think I am because you take every question as an attack; you think every inquiry is an interrogation.  

“You are the spikiest person I’ve ever met and the reason I was pushing the boyfriend thing with you is because you’ve got worse since you and-” 

“Don’t say his name-” 

“... Since the break-up. You were spiky before but now you’re mean and you’re bitter and miserable. And I know you want to be happy, so I pushed it. And then you got with Changbin and I was so happy. You were so happy. Now you’re going to ruin it all by being your-.” 

“That’s why I think you’re a cunt,” you interrupted. “I’m going to ruin my relationship by being myself? Thanks a fucking bunch.” 

“I was going to say you’re going to ruin it by being your worst self. Your scared self. Your angry, short-tempered self that lashes out at people. You have a soft centre, Miki, but you also have a moat full of spikes and a portcullis. You have thorns and a dragon guarding you.  

“But I saw the way you looked at Changbin and I haven’t seen you look like that for a long time. Even towards the end of your last relationship, you’d lost it. But you had it back. And I don’t want you to throw it away.” 

You didn’t reply because you didn’t have anything to say. You couldn’t argue with the truth, but you weren’t going to tell her she was right. You couldn’t take it.  

You’d spent your whole life feeling like the fuck up, the first pancake, compared to Hanbyeol and her ability to get everything right. She had one boyfriend before she went to university and they were sweet and innocent and didn’t even sleep together. Then she met Chan on her first day at university and they’d been together ever since. She graduated with a perfect degree and got a good job on a good career path and has been walking it ever since.  

You slept with your first boyfriend at the age of 15 and he promptly dumped you. You spent four years on an art degree that went fucking nowhere and did nothing for you. You’d had jobs and quit jobs and been fired from jobs; you’d dated and had partners and dumped them and been dumped by them. Nothing stuck.  

“You don’t know anything,” you mumbled sullenly back, your fire extinguished.  

“I would if you told me.” But she wasn’t chastising, wasn’t telling you off. She was just saying it, softly, gently now.  

“I don’t want to talk about it.”  

“That’s ok. You don’t have to talk about it with me if you don’t want. But you should talk to Changbin. He really does miss you. And I really don’t want you to miss out on what you had with him because you’re afraid or being stubborn. Sometimes you have to meet people halfway, Miki; it’s not fair to make him come to you every time.” 

She stood and left your apartment without another word. Your bottom lip wobbled.  

Was it too late? 

* 

You didn’t know where to start. How to start. What to do. Who to turn to. The only person you could talk about this with was Changbin because he was the only person who knew the truth. It wasn’t even a matter of your pride anymore; it would have felt like a betrayal to reveal the secret to anyone else. But you couldn’t just go to Changin, half-cocked, with nothing in your head but a jumble of half-formed sentences and no idea what you really wanted. 

You let another week go by. 

* 

The gym felt stuffy. You were sure the aircon wasn’t working properly because it should not have been that warm in there, even if it was over 30 degrees outside. You were dripping with sweat and  looking around, praying for chalk so you could dry your hands properly. You had given up on the barbell because you didn’t think you’d be able to grip it with such wet hands. You were miserable and grumpy, and the workout sucked. 

Then Changbin walked in.  

You felt sick. Your first instinct was to hide, but there was nowhere to hide. And he’d already seen you. Your eyes caught and he slowed to a stop, just looking at you. You had to make the first move. You knew you had to.  

You stood from the bench and walked towards him, crossing your heart and hoping to die that he wouldn’t walk away.  

“Hi,” you said, your voice small. 

“Hi,” he returned.  

You could barely look him in the eye. You hadn’t prepared for this. 

“It’s pretty unbearable in here, right now. I think the aircon is broken,” you offered, cursing yourself all the while. 

Changbin seemed surprised and he nodded with a small ‘oh’. 

“I think I’ll be fine,” he said. “I wasn’t planning to be long anyway.” 

“Right. Yeah. Ok.” 

It was tugging at your heart, this need to say something, this inability to do so.  

Changbin waited only a few more seconds and then he pointed beyond you and began to move away. 

“Wait!” 

He stopped.  

“I... can we talk? Sometime. Not now. Later. I don’t know. I- I... We should talk.” 

You kept your eyes trained on the ground and could feel his gaze on you. He answered slowly. 

“Yeah, ok. Text me or something.” 

You nodded and scarpered, workout unfinished, but you reached the lift and breathed a sigh of relief. Had that been so bad? You’d survived. You were still in one piece. And he’d agreed to talk to you.  

Part of you wanted to go back and tell him, actually, it has to be now. You wanted to get it over with. Another part of you wanted it to never happen. You still didn’t know what you would say to him.  

* 

You stood, nervously, outside his apartment, waiting for your courage to build to a sufficient level for you to knock on his door. It was taking its sweet time. You weren’t sure if it would ever get there. Your palms were sweaty, the backs of your knees, too. You realised the last time you were this nervous to speak to someone was the day your last relationship ended and you stood outside your shared apartment, waiting for the courage to go in and end it. Have it ended for you. Not by you. You had certainly never been this nervous with Changbin: not the first time you went to your sister’s pretending to be together, not the first time you had sex. You had always felt comfortable with him. 

Now you didn’t. And that was on you. 

You closed your eyes, gritted your teeth, and knocked. The door opened almost instantly. 

“Oh. Hi. That was quick.” 

“I know; you’ve been out there for ages. I’ve been standing here waiting for you to knock.” 

“Oh.” 

Your face flamed so hot, it made your eyes sting. Changbin stood back and gestured you into his apartment. You waited for him to sit on the sofa and then you took your place on the floor, just off to the side. Somehow, you didn’t feel like you could sit equally next to him. You had apologies to make, grovelling to do.  

Changbin waited.  

“I’m sorry,” you offered first. The easiest thing to say because it covered all manner of your sins. 

“What for?” 

Less easy. 

“Everything,” you choked. “For making you pretend to be my boyfriend, for not breaking us up, for my short temper and impatience, for overreacting to the Sakura thing, for not speaking to you. All of it, really.” 

You heard him take a deep breath but didn’t dare look at him. The silence felt stiff. You couldn’t say anything more even if you’d wanted to. You needed to know what his response was first.  

He sighed. 

“They’re not the things I want you to be sorry for... I suppose I should apologise, too.” 

“What for?”  

You were struggling with the silence. If there was one word that could never describe you or Changbin, it was ‘quiet.’ You would have needed more hands to be able to count on fingers the number of noise complaints he’d received from his neighbours. It was never like this between the two of you. It was never awkward like this.  

“I don’t want to say it,” he said eventually. “I feel like shit and I don’t want to say it because I’ll feel even more like shit.” 

“I don’t want you to feel like shit.” 

“That’s how you’ve been treating me.” 

Tears pricked in your eyes and you did your best to swallow the anger that was rising with them. Your temper was the reason you were in this mess; it could not get you out of it. But Changbin continued before you could find a word to say. 

“I got it wrong, obviously. I thought it was going somewhere. Not at first, obviously. But something had changed and I thought, ok, maybe something is happening now. Maybe this... Maybe this could be real. Then it went on longer and longer and I realised how stupid I was to think that. Because you didn’t want anything more. That was clear. That was really clear and I should have seen it long before I did.” 

He sighed heavily and fell back against the sofa cushions. You risked a peek and saw him contemplate the ceiling. 

“I made the Sakura thing up.” 

“What?” 

“I made it up. Of course she didn’t ask me out! She had been introduced to us together. You were introduced as my girlfriend; why would she have then tried something? I just had to see how you’d react. I wanted to... test, I suppose, how you felt.” 

You took your time speaking because you could feel your rage simmering in your gut. You were trying so hard not to be angry, not to react. But he’d lied to you. Manipulated you. This was his fault and all this time you thought it was yours? Why would he do that? 

“Are you going to fucking say anything, Miki?” 

‘Yes,’ you thought, ‘just as soon as I can stop seeing red.’  

“I don’t understand.”  

The words were sharp in your throat, painfully clawing their way out. You could feel Changbin’s patience ebbing away, too, and the whole situation was as if you were dancing on a tightrope. You had thought it would be easy to straighten out: an apology, some reluctant forgiveness, a few jokes and things would be back to normal. Guess not. 

“It made me feel used.”  

His confession was small. Small and quiet so you knew it was real, that he wasn’t after a reaction or a fight. He was just telling you the truth. 

“Used?” 

“I was up for it, at first. I agreed, I didn’t have to but I did. I signed up for it. I know that. Pretending to be your boyfriend was fun to start with. Making you squirm. Though, to be honest, it wasn’t fun that you were so... disgusted by the idea of us being together. The way you flinched every time I touched you or looked nauseated half the time at the thought of us so much as kissing. That wasn’t exactly a balm to my ego. But I could take it. And you got used to it, I thought. Got less disgusted.  

“Then we started having sex and things changed. You changed. And I didn’t really know what it meant but I know you well enough that I knew not to push too hard. I guess I thought, at some point, you would come out and say it. But you didn’t. At all. Things carried on exactly as they were and I realised that’s what you wanted. You didn’t want me for anything more. You wanted to have sex and pretend we were together but you didn’t want to be together. You didn’t want me. You just wanted me to keep up your pretence to get one over on your sister; you wanted the convenience of, I don’t even know what. It was like you liked the idea of being with me but not the reality of it. And I got sick of it, ok?  

“That’s what made me feel like shit. That’s what made me feel used. And I know you; I knew you were never going to talk to me about it. So I made up the Sakura thing. I wanted a reaction from you. I wanted to see if you gave a shit at all.” 

You wanted him to continue, to say things so that you didn’t have to. Because you did give a shit. You were incensed that Sakura dared to ask him out. You were angry with him because you felt like he wanted to go out with her. You felt betrayed by it. Abandoned. Rejected. Surely that had been obvious by your reaction. Surely you didn’t have to say that now? 

Though you still weren’t sure what it meant. Hearing Changbin spell it all out like that: his hurt, the word ‘disgusted’, his hope, your inability to communicate being thrown in your face when you had hoped it was a secret. You didn’t want him to see you like that: inept and selfish and inconsiderate. Used. You had used him. Your first instinct had been to kick back at that, deny it vociferously, scream at Changbin and call him every name under the sun, storm out.  

But you weren’t doing that anymore. You weren’t going to let your temper ruin this. Again.  

Or you were trying.  

“Obviously I give a shit,” you said sullenly, a little sulkily despite your best efforts.  

“I don’t know.” 

“How can you say that you don’t know? Don’t you know me?” 

“Yeah, I know you but I’m really beginning to see the limits of my knowledge. I can’t know everything, Miki. I can’t read your mind. Sometimes you have to say things. Sometimes you have to say things even if the other person already knows them! Things need to be said. They need to be heard.”  

“What things?” 

“I don’t believe you don’t know what I’m talking about.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You could hear your voice rising but couldn’t stop it.  

“Yes, you do!” His was rising, too. “You know exactly what I’m saying and you know what I want you to say but you won’t say it and that’s the fucking problem, isn’t it?” 

You opened your mouth to argue back but he got in first. 

“Or you really, actually don’t know what I’m talking about and that, in itself, is a problem. Either way, you need to figure it out.” 

His tone was final. Conclusive. Dismissive. But you had only just got started so you weren’t going to leave just yet. 

“Why do I have to figure it out?” 

“Because it’s your problem!” 

“No, it’s not! You’re the one who lied about Sakura! You made this mess!” 

Changbin got to his feet. 

“I made this mess? This entire thing was your idea! I have followed your lead the entire time and you have led me down a fucking merry path! Do you kn-” 

“I’ve been leading?! You’re the one who suggested we have sex!” 

“You’re the one who took me up on it! And I’d never have suggested it if we weren’t trapped in a situation of your making!” 

“You didn’t have to go along with it!” 

“You asked me to! You’re my friend! Friends do each other favours! Of course I was going to say yes!” 

“I didn’t force you to!” 

“Friendship forced me, you idiot! But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t understand that.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

You were interrupted by a knock at the door. Changbin answered and it was building security, here to offer up yet another warning regarding the noise. Changbin apologised, promised to keep it down and returned to the sofa. 

“Ball’s in your court,” he told you. “It’s up to you.” 

“What’s up to me?” 

You made the mistake of looking up at him and his glare could have turned you to stone.  

“Don’t act stupid, Miki. You figure it out.” 

You wanted to argue. You wanted to have this out right here, right now. Arguing cleared the air. You had been getting somewhere before his pathetic, meddling neighbours had gone and complained about the noise. Maybe you should have made him come to you; your neighbours had never complained, never even made a peep. Maybe you should have gone somewhere open – the park, the river, somewhere you could shout at each other amongst all the noise of the city.  

You didn’t want to leave. 

“Will you just go?” he asked, impatience ringing clear as a bell through his tone. 

You bit the inside of your lip to stop yourself saying no. Then you let it go. 

“No. I’m not leaving.” 

“I don’t have anything more to say to you.” 

“Well maybe I have things to say to you!” 

“Do you?” 

Yes. No. Maybe. They were there somewhere, the words you wanted to say, the words he wanted to hear. You knew they were there, germinating somewhere deep and dark and bloody. You weren’t ready for them to sprout, to grow, to bloom.  

“Miki, I don’t want to ask you again. Please leave.” 

When you remained sitting on the floor, he sighed and turned the TV on; he watched and didn’t look your way. He kept watching and didn’t glance down even once.  

You knew you weren’t going to say anything but leaving felt like defeat. It felt like walking away. It was walking away. You didn’t want to walk away from Changbin. 

You had no choice but to. 

* * *  

“Can I talk to you?” Chan asked, the following Sunday. 

You didn’t get the sense this time that you were in trouble, but you knew you would deserve it if you were.  

“I wanted to apologise,” he began and you started. 

“You want to apologise to me?” 

“Yes. I should have known better than to ask you so directly about you and Changbin. I just didn’t know how to tiptoe around it and, to be honest, I was kind of worried about Changbin; I was thinking of him, not you. So I’m sorry for pushing it.” 

No wonder Hani fell in love with him. 

“You don’t have to apologise to me, Chan. I should be apologising to you. I was rude; you were just being nice. I appreciate it, actually, that you came to me yourself before siccing my sister on me. I didn’t mean what I said.” 

“I know you didn’t.” 

“Did you tell Hani I said it?” 

He chuckled. 

“No, of course not.” 

“Good.” You paused. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok. Air cleared. We’re all good. But... can I ask now about you and Changbin? He said you talked.” 

“Then you probably know everything already.” 

His eyebrow quirked and you weren’t too angry to miss it this time.  

“What?” you asked. 

“I don’t think I know everything.” 

“Enough.” You shrugged. “He says the ball’s in my court, but I don’t know what to do with it.” 

“Don’t you?” 

You could feel your conversation with Changbin started to repeat itself.  

No, you did not know what to do with the ball and you were getting pretty tired of holding it. It was Changbin. Your Binnie. Not your Binnie. Just Binnie. He was your friend, your best friend. He was your fake boyfriend because your sister had bugged you just one too many times about it. He was your friend-with-benefits because you couldn’t both keep the lie going and sleep with anyone else. He was...  

He had said he felt used. You hadn’t felt like you were using him. Or maybe you thought you were using each other, in which case it was fine. You were both benefiting, weren’t you? You got all the perks of a relationship with none of the obligations. It was ideal. It was really the perfect situation. You had thought. 

Changbin obviously didn’t feel the same. You kept running it through your head, the things he had said: 

“I thought it was going somewhere.” 

“Something was happening.” 

“Maybe this could be real.” 

It wasn’t real. That was the whole point. It wasn’t supposed to be real.  

But your anger when Changbin lied about Sakura was real. The sense of betrayal you felt. The abandonment. 

Your comfort with him was real. The ease you felt in his company. The joy and contentment in just lounging around together, with no pressure to be anything other than who and what you were.  

Your pleasure was real, once you started sleeping together. The literally toe-curling, hair-raising, blood-curdling ecstasy he ripped out of you. Gave to you. The soft sweetness of his kisses and the unyielding strength of his body; his smooth, golden skin, and curly, black hair. The noises you’d never heard him make before that you could now conjure up whenever you liked, that echoed in your dreams. All of that was real. It was more than real; it was animal. It was pure. It was mindless and easy and natural.  

Natural, too, it became when you kissed outside of the bedroom. When you leant into him and he pulled you close with his arm around your shoulder. When he held your hand. When he placed a protective hand on your back on the subway, in a bar queue, just letting you know he was there. He was there for you.  

He was right that you’d felt awkward at first. That you hated the pet names and the embarrassment that came with them. You hated him for being mischievous and jeopardising the whole operation by testing your non-existent acting skills. You weren’t sure when that feeling stopped. You were sure it was before you slept together but then you remembered the watershed that occurred afterwards. 

An invisible wall between you had disappeared; a veil had been lifted. It was as if all your interactions with Changbin before that moment had been happening behind a barrier. You were holding hands through the holes of a fence, one of you on either side of it. You were clinging to each other from far away.  

Then suddenly, you weren’t. You were on the same side of the fence. You were not just close but united. Joined. One.  

It hurt your heart to think about it. It hurt so much. It hurt like a break-up. It hurt like heartbreak.  

So you knew the answers. The answer. But you didn’t want to. 

You looked up at Chan, the inside of your lip torn to shreds.  You shrugged. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you said, and it came out tight and choked, tears you hadn’t realised were there stinging in your eyes.  

Chan pulled you into his arms for a hug and, on any other day, you’d have shoved him off, but it came as a relief. You leant into him and wrapped your arms around his waist.  

“You’re a good brother,” you said quietly, trying not to sniffle. “I’m glad Hani married you.” 

“Thanks, Miki. That really means a lot to me, you know.” 

He rubbed your back and you felt like the world’s most pathetic loser, and sickeningly grateful for Chan at that moment.  

“You and Bin can work it out, I promise.” 

You could only hope that was true. 

* * * 

You sat with the answer for longer than you should have. You should have taken it to Changbin as soon as you knew the truth. You even knew what was stopping you. But that knowledge wasn’t helping you get past it.  

You lay on your sofa, rotting, hoping to decay to the point that your decomposing body could leak into the cushions and you could become one with it. You stared at your ceiling. You were putting it off. You didn’t want to do it, but doing anything else felt like defeat, felt like shirking your responsibility, felt like running away. So you just lay and stared and waited for something to make you move.  

The longer you left it, the harder it would be. The longer you left it, the less likely it was that Changbin would respond how you wanted him to. Because you were leaving him hanging. Stringing him along—you had been stringing him along, however unwittingly, for weeks now. That wasn’t fair and he had every right to be angry, to dislike you, to not want anything more. To have changed his mind.  

God, you hoped he hadn’t changed his mind.  

You could scarcely believe that it had been three weeks now that you’d not been speaking. Three weeks with just one argument between you. No wonder it felt like a break-up. Your relationship might technically have been fake, but you had dug deep enough to realise that your feelings weren’t. 

You cringed to yourself. You hated that. You hated thinking about your feelings. You hated that they existed. You hated that they hurt so much, all the time. You hated how much you missed him, how scared you were to lose him.  

That was enough, you’d decided. It hit you over the head, your oldest friend, impatience. You had had enough of this, you said to yourself. Rip the fucking plaster off and, if you bled all over the floor, so be it. At least maybe you’d bleed to death. 

You took the stairs to Changbin’s floor and hammered on his door. No answer. You let yourself in, using his door code. 

“Binnie?” 

The apartment was empty.  

Not wanting to lose any momentum, not wanting either to give him any notice, to initiate any contact that might psych you out or knock you off-course, you decided to head to the gym. It was as likely a place for him to be as any.  

You were right. He was on the floor, stretching, when you entered. That was good; that meant he had finished. Also good: the gym was empty but for the two of you.  

You strode over and sat next to him. You placed your hand on his arm. You knew what you had to tell him but hadn’t quite picked the words. They were never your strong suit. He turned to look at you, his face an open question, and shuffled into a more comfortable position.  

The words didn’t come but the impulse did. You leant forward and kissed him. Tentative, hesitant, light. The second seemed to stretch forever; you were desperate for it to end and dying for it not to. Your heart was pounding so hard, you could hear it in your ears. Your body was flushing warm, running hot and you could feel the heat from him, too, though you knew his wasn’t anything to do with you.  

The second finally ended and you pulled back, but only barely, just enough to see his eyes, usually so intense but, at this moment, open, sparkling, asking.  

You kissed him again. You hadn’t meant to; it happened without your say so. This time, he responded. You felt his lips move against yours, his head turn so they slotted together, so he could run his tongue over your bottom lip. You moved your hands into his hair, damp with sweat, curling at the edges of his face.  

“Binnie,” you whispered, when his lips left yours a second time.  

“Miki,” he returned. 

“I want to tell you-” 

He interrupted you with his mouth on yours again. You made a noise of protest, but it was weak and you didn’t follow through because it had hit you, how much you missed this. How much you wanted it. How much you had liked it at the time and not allowed yourself to notice.  

You had to be closer to him. You shuffled on your knees and sat yourself in his lap; he pulled you to his body until his sweat soaked through your shirt. Your mouth journeyed across his face, to his jaw, walking a trail down his neck, kissing wet drops of sweat from his skin. 

“Miki...”  

“Binnie...” 

Your mouth reversed its travels and you sucked his bottom lip between yours, sank your teeth into it gently and then not so gently. The groan he made, deep in his chest, lit you up on the inside, burning hot now, your own sweat starting to prickle on your skin.  

Before you lost your mind completely to the heat and the haze, you pulled back. You pressed your forehead against his and took a second to get your breath back, breath you hadn’t noticed he had taken.  

“I need to tell you,” you repeated. “I have to tell you things.”  

You felt him nod against you. 

“Ok, you can tell me.” 

“I’m sorry.”  

It wasn’t the thing you wanted to start with. You wished you could have said it all without having to apologise. But you’d done things that you were sorry for and he had to know. 

“I’m sorry I’m so stupid and I’m sorry I used you and I’m sorry I don’t know how to be honest with you and I’m sorry I don’t know how to feel things and I’m sorry I shouted at you and was a dick to you and said I hated you. I’m sorry I did all this stupid shit. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I'm sorry I didn’t realise. I’m sorry I didn’t speak to you. I’m sorry for all of it.” 

His lips were back before you had even closed your mouth. You pushed against his chest with your hands. 

“Stop kissing me! I have to say stuff!” 

“I know, but I have stuff to say, too, and I want to say it like this,” he replied, pausing between each clause to press his mouth against yours, staying so close that you could feel his lips move as he spoke. 

“You said I had to go first,” you reminded him. “Let me go first.”  

He huffed but leant back a little and you did the same, the air between you clearing just enough for you to remember how nervous you were, how terrified, even though he’d just been kissing you, even though you sat in his lap with his arms around you.  

“It started out not being real,” you began. “It really wasn’t real and I intended for it to never be real because I just wanted Hani to leave me alone and I was going to end it. I swear. I was racking my brain trying to come up with a good solution. Especially because you were being so annoying! I thought you wanted it to fail because you were winding me up so much. And you were right, I fucking flinched and I hated it; it made me so uncomfortable because it was so weird to have you doing that. We didn’t do that!  

“Then you kissed me on the subway and it was... nice. And then horrible because it shouldn’t have been nice! And then we had sex and it was... more than nice. And I... I didn’t want to break us up anymore because I liked how it was. I kept saying to myself that we had all of the perks of a real relationship with none of the drawbacks but what I really meant, though I didn’t know it, was that I had all the security of a relationship with none of the risk. 

“I didn’t want to risk it. Having feelings. Going there. With you, especially. Not because—not because I d--... Not... It was you, Binnie. You were my best friend. I trust you with everything. You know all of my stupid secrets; you’ve seen me throw up on the street; you gave me food poisoning so bad I literally shit myself in your doorway; it’s you--” 

“Can I make a recommendation?” 

“What?” 

“Maybe don’t talk about shitting yourself while you’re trying to confess your undying love for me?” 

You slapped him hard on the arm. 

“Shut the fuck up! I’m being fucking vulnerable here, you prick!” 

He laughed and you let him kiss you, just a little, just long enough for the flash of your annoyance to fade.  

“My point is,” you continued, pushing back against him, “that if you didn’t want me, who the fuck would? You are the person who could... You’re the person who could hurt me the most. Out of anyone. Out of everyone. If I didn’t have you, if you said no, if I fucked things up, who would I have? I didn’t want to lose you.” 

“So you kept me at arm’s length and pushed me away and didn’t speak to me for weeks.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.”  

Shame flamed on your cheeks. It swallowed your voice, made your throat tight and your eyes sting. You dropped your gaze, focusing on your hand around his bicep, your ragged thumbnail that you had chewed to bits. You watched it raise and lower as Changbin shrugged. 

“It’s ok. I did it, too. I could have brought it up. But I didn’t. Because, honestly, I knew it would go badly and I thought it would be easier to fight than talk about it. I thought you would find it easier if I pushed you to be angry rather than pushing you to be... open. I thought if you really felt anything, it would come out in an argument. That wasn’t fair of-” 

“No, that is pretty much right on the money. You’re right. It’s so much easier to be angry with you than... than this.” 

“Are you still angry?” 

You shook your head. You were as far from angry as you’d ever been.  

“Are you still angry with me?” you countered, swallowing hard. 

“No.” 

A sigh of relief.  

“Tell me, then,” he whispered, his lips moving against yours in anticipation of a kiss. 

“Tell you what?”  

“What you want.” 

And it came out easily. 

“You.” 

* * *  

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