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elliespillowprincess · 3 months

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SHES MY DRUG

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pt 1

pt 2

pt 3

a/n: this is my first ever (kinda) fic so it kinda sucks and is all over the place.. rockstar/band ellie has been on my mind too much lately so yk i had to.

c/w: modern au, reader is in college (premed), biker ellie!!! smut next part!! mentions of smoking, drinking and drugs (reader and ellie), fem reader, plus size reader, insecure reader, fluff, abby is readers mean ex (abby lovers im sorry, i still love her) angst, body dysmorphia, fatphobia, race of reader not specified, TERRIBLY WRITTEN, not proofread

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SUPPORT NEIL DRUCKMANN

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“hey did you hear about the music festival in town this weekend?” your friend, liliana, asks, making you wake up from the trance your computer put you in. you and liliana had been friends prior to college, meeting in your honors anatomy class in high school. with a similar career goal in mind, you two decided to go to the same college and become roomates. you two had been in your towns coffee shop for hours, trying to finish an assignment your biology professor gave you two.

“there’s a festival here? nobody ever comes out here.” you reply. nobody has ever done any concerts, festivals, or performances in your town. it was so small, they wouldn’t make enough profit so it just didn’t seem worth the trip. the only performances you ever saw were done by drunken men in your college bar.

“yeah! i don’t really know anyone that’s going though. it’d be nice to check out!”. she scrolls to find a post advertising the festival, with a list of who’s going. to nobody’s surprise, the list is small; 3 performers. “the tickets are only $50, we should go!!” she says whilst you’re reading the informative post. “i don’t know, lili, i mean who even are these people? is it even worth our money?” the idea of wasting your weekend at a festival, where you don’t know anyone playing, when you could be studying for finals makes you nervous.

“come onnn y/n, we can’t waste our uni years studying all the time! when we graduate, we’re gonna be swamped with med school work, might as well make the most out of the time we have!” liliana says cheerfully. sure, you could spare the hours, but you had so much on your plate. finals, work, and not even mentioning the fact you just broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years. you look at her face, she’s using puppy-dog eyes to hopefully persuade you into going. “i’ll think about it.”

you’re laying in your dorm room, back hunched over your laptop, with your hands in your hair. liliana was staying at her boyfriends house for the night, leaving you all alone. the amount of studying you’ve done in the past hours giving you a throbbing headache and double vision. you harshly close your laptop, saying “i’ll do it later.” in your head, lazily getting up to grab some advil from your medicine cabinet. you open the familiar bottle and pop a few pills into your mouth. walking to your bed, you plop down, and begin scrolling mindlessly on instagram.

then you remember what your friend was telling you about earlier, and you decide to look at your towns instagram. a new post making you curious as nothing had been posted since the fourth of july fireworks at the towns lake. you click on it, a flashy banner lighting up your screen.

GOLDWHIT GROVES FIRST EVER MUSIC FESTIVAL; FEATURING:

BEHIND THE ANGER

ELLIE WILLIAMS

DRAW MY BLOOD

THIS SATURDAY ONLY

you chuckle, finding the names of the bands amusing. one of them, however, drew your attention. the only one who was seemingly a solo performer, ellie williams. you decide to close your towns page and type the name into your search bar. your eyebrows raise at the amount of fan accounts this “ellie” has. you click on the only account with the blue verification symbol on it, her page filling your screen.

holy shit.

she was hot. like, really hot.

you click on her most recent post and it’s a video of her at one of her concerts. she’s playing an electric guitar furiously with gritted teeth. you hear girls screaming and see their hands reaching out trying to feel her. clearly, she craves all the attention so she pulls off her white wife beater, throwing it into the crowd. the screaming only intensifies as she has a douchey smile on her face. the video cuts of and you scroll through the different videos the post has, all of the same nature. you read the caption, “see you next time, dallas.” with no tags.

you open your messages app and begin typing to liliana.

you: ok maybe we should go to that festival i just stalked one of the performers and FUCKKK she’s hot

the bands have goofy names tho

“behind the anger” boy shaddup

you wait until you see the bubble appear, indicating she’s responding.

lili��: TOLD U WE SHOULD GO! venmo me the money im buying tickets rn.

you laugh softly at her excitement to go, and open venmo, sending her $50. another message pops up.

lili😦: *photo attachment*

who were you looking at btw?

you open the message seeing the qr code for your ticket.

you: that ellie williams chick she looks like an asshole but a HOT asshole yk

i want her to play me like that guitar

gonna become a groupie😋

your tiredness takes over after texting lili for the past few hours, telling her goodnight and closing your phone.

the brightness of the morning sun wakes you up. it’s saturday, and thank GOD you had no classes today. you stay in your bed, opening tiktok. it kinda creeps you out that the first video is an edit of the girl you were gawking over last night. as the edit plays, you become even more excited for the festival later in the day. you look to the top of your screen for the time, 12:37. you partially curse yourself for letting yourself sleep in that late, getting up to brush your teeth.

lili😦: ARE U EXCITED FOR TN??

andrew is asking if he can come

smh he’s so clingy

kinda cute tho

the pinging of your phone causes you to finish brushing your teeth, spitting out the foam in your mouth and wiping your face.

you: i don’t mind

yall better not be like those concert couples

sitting on his shoulders n shit i’ll knock you off

you didn’t really mind as you’ve known andrew as long as you’ve know liliana. they’ve been together for the past six years, and you guys used to go on double dates with your ex all the time, it was like a little group.

lili😦: LMFAOOO we won’t

can we get ready tg 🥺

you have all the cute body glitter

you: sure come home whenever

you turn on the shower, grabbing a towel from the cabinet before hopping in. while washing your body, you begin thinking about what you’re gonna wear. you start to think about what ellie williams would notice you in, before laughing at yourself for being so delusional. she doesn’t know you, or care about you.

you’re just another girl.

hours had gone by, liliana and her boyfriend were hanging out at your shared apartment, pregaming and getting ready. the festival started at 4, and ended at 10. “hey y/n? where’s the-“ you walk in, and liliana is making a gawking face. “you look SO hot hello?” beaming at you. partially, you feel a little silly. you’re wearing the outfit she picked for you: a lacy cami, short black skirt, and a leather jacket. you have dark smudgey eye makeup, dark red lipstick, and star clips in your hair.

“i feel dumb.” you say, looking down and laughing at yourself. you never wore revealing clothes, being wayyyy too insecure to show yourself off this this. i mean, your boobs were spilling out of your shirt, your ass visible under your skirt, and your stomach uncovered. “shut the fuck up, you look good. we gotta leave soon- shit wait do you have pasties?”

as andrew drives the three of you to the concert, liliana in the front and you in the back, you become nervous. what if someone’s mean? what if something bad happens? what if it gets too cold? what if you start your period?

“y/n?” the calling of your name makes your head perk up. “we’re putting on that ellie chick, gotta know some of the music if you’re gonna SMASH her tonight!!” she says with a giggle. you roll your eyes as lili goes to her music app and selects her top song.

she’s my drug

the title pops up along with a photo of ellie lighting what looks like a joint. the song starts and it eases your nerves, her raspy voice over the melodic electric guitar makes a perfect combination. the excitement for the festival grows once again as the three of you near the festival.

you were kinda surprised at the amount of people that came. it looked like the entire town was there. there were a lot of unfamiliar faces wearing the bands merch. you saw a lot of girls wearing shirts with ellie williams’ tour dates on the back. “i hope the bands aren’t shit.” andrew says, laughing and getting out of the car. “at least we know one of the performers isn’t.” the three of you, out of the car, walk to the entrance. there were old-looking metal detectors that look like they were borrowed from the local police department. you all go through and have your bags checked and tickets scanned, walking towards the one and only stage.

the first band, behind the anger, got on stage. not many people were going crazy, but there were a few drunken men screaming their songs. liliana and andrew were enjoying them, but you were dying for something to drink, craving a shitty festival cocktail and a cigarette. tapping liliana on the shoulder, “hey, guys? i’ll be right back, i’m gonna grab something to drink.” you shout over the music. “alright, don’t take too long! your girlfriend should be out soon!” you roll your eyes laughing and shuffle your way out of the crowd.

walking up to the one and only vendor, you gaze on the menu. different beers, seltzers, cocktails, and liquors. “can i just cut infront of you? i gotta get up there soon.” you hear a voice behind you say. you turn around, partially offended and, holy shit.

it felt like a movie, a book, a fanfiction. what are the chances that she’s infront of you right now? you blink your eyes, not really believing what you’re seeing. nobody’s around you two besides the vendor, shocking as you’d expect girls flocking around her. it’s her. it’s ellie williams.

“excuse me?” you blurt out, not realizing how rude you sounded. i mean, you were just standing there, the only one in line, not moving. was it rude for her to ask. she kind of laughs at you, kissing her teeth. you got a good chance to look at her. she’s wearing cargo pants with a black wifebeater shirt that lifted slightly, allowing you to see what looks like abs, her tattoo covering her forearm, and her hair tied messily in a half-bun.

“i said,” she says, taking a half step towards you, “can i just cut infront of you?” you look around, dumbfounded. “no, you can’t. i’m ordering right now.” you say, matter-of-factly. you spin on your heels and order whatever shitty cocktail your eyes first land on and she chuckles at your behavior. the vendor types it into his tablet. “that’ll be $9.24. cash or card?” you open your purse, looking for the $10 bill you stuck in your purse for this exact reason. of course, like a fucking movie, it’s gone. “sorry just give me one sec.” you say, furiously looking through your purse, embarrassed.

“i got it, put it with mine. lemme get a rum coke.” the girl says flatly, slightly pushing you aside. you roll your eyes at the push and step aside, very embarrassed at the entire interaction. you grab a cigarette from your purse and attempt to light it, but the fluid is all out.

of course. how much more cliché could this get? ellie puts her card away in her wallet and shoves it into her front pocket as the vendor goes to make the two drinks. “need help?” she says, reaching her hand into her pocket and getting out a lighter, it was black and very scratched up. “these are bad for you, y’know?” she says in a cocky tone before grabbing her own and lighting it. the two of you were so far away from the rest of the crowd it that it was almost quiet.

“i’m studying to be a doctor, i know.” you say, the cigarette hanging limply between your lips still attempting to light it. “what’s a smart girl like you doing smoking and drinking then huh? you’re the one who’s supposed to tell people not to.” she says, bringing the lighter to the stick in your mouth and lighting it for you, the closeness of your face to her hands making you nervous. “pineapple cocktail and a rum coke?” you hear the vendor shout; the moment breaks and ellie pushes the lighter into her pocket before grabbing the two drinks, handing you yours before turning around and waving slightly, with the cigarette in her mouth.

“see you up there, doll.”

“bitch you will not believe what just happened” you say, finally making it back to where andrew and liliana were after having to shove through the crowd, almost spilling your drink all over yourself. “i just spoke t-“ the sound of screams interrupts your sentence and people push you and your friends forward, trying to get closer to the stage. you look up to see what is making people so eager, and see her. and holy shit, does she look good on stage. “how are we doing tonight, goldwhit grove?” she says into the mic, making the squeals of the girls around you erupt even louder, some drunkenly trying to take their shirts off before their more sober friends stop them.

after speaking into the mic for a bit about god knows what, you could barely hear her, she strums her guitar making people scream even louder. “what should we start out with?” she slurs into the mic. she looks like she’s on something, but what musician isn’t. you hear people screaming different names you haven’t heard of, before she says “she’s my drug? that’s all yall wanna hear.” she laughs before starting the song. it is her top song for a reason, it sounds phenomenal. you’re trying to enjoy your time, but the amount of people pushing you and stepping on your feet is annoying you.

after a few songs you hear her voice echo, “guys, let’s back it up a bit, you’re crushing people.” part of you wants to think she said that because she was looking at you, but you reality check yourself quickly. nobody listened, and you feel someone step on your heel for the hundredth time, finally deciding to say something.

“did you not hear her? i can barely breathe dude chill out.” you say to the drunken girl behind you. she looks angry, angry that you had the balls to speak up. she shoves you aggressively, making you bump into the person in front of you. now they’re mad at you too, for bumping into them so harshly. you try defending yourself when you feel a cold drink splashed on your chest. your final straw.

you shove your way out of the crowd, leaving behind your friends and deciding you’ll wait until ellie’s performance is over to join them again. once youre out, you make eye contact with the girl on stage. she has her head low and it almost looked like she was looking at you. you get lost on her, she’s playing so aggressively but strategically. before your imagination goes too far, you see her look around to the rest of the crowd, girls screaming when they look her direction.

you walk away, deciding to take a seat on the grass and light a cigarette while you wait. there were a lot of other people sitting around you, assuming they left for the same reason. you’re scrolling mindlessly on your phone until you hear a familiar voice.

“y/n?”

you look up, and it’s her. why the fuck did she have to be here? you were actually enjoying yourself, besides the few rude people, and she had to show up and ruin it all.

“what the fuck are you doing here abby?” you spit out. you’re furious. you haven’t spoken to her in a few weeks, and there were actually days you didn’t think about her at all. “hey, i was just trying to be nice. what are you all butt hurt about?” she says, towering over you sitting on the grass. she always made you feel small, not just physically, but mentally too. you sigh, not wanting to let her control your emotions any longer. the partially-distant sound of ellie’s guitar stopped, making it seem so much more quiet.

“you here with ava?” you spit out at her. she looks like she took that offensively, even though she was the one who cheated on you. “what’s that supposed to mean?” she says back, her tone becoming more aggressive. you push your cigarette into the grass, putting it out and standing up. “what are you wearing?” now that you’re closer, you notice her cheeks are red, and so are her eyes. she’s crossed. you know how she acts when she’s drunk, so you simply gather your things, trying to ignore the entire situation and join your friends. the people who were previously around you had gotten up to go back to the stage as ellie had gotten off.

“where are you going?” it sounds like she expects you to stay. to come running back. to cling to her. “to my friends.” you flatly state while walking away. you feel a hand grab your wrist. “i’m talking to you, y/n. it’s rude to walk away from people when they’re talking to you, y’know?” her tone is that of mockery. like you’re a child and she’s trying to teach you a lesson. “did the breakup make you gain that much weight? god i really ruined you huh?” you try to yank your hand away, “let go of me abby, seriously it’s not funny.” her grip doesn’t subside and only grows stronger, making you wince.

“she said no dude, can you not take a hint?”

you turn around and see ellie walking towards the conflict. this is so cliche. “are you a groupie now?” abby laughs at you, and as soon as she says that ellie shoves her off. as attractive as ellie was, abby was stronger. she was built, and she could take down almost anyone. “stop, this is dumb.” you say as they get close to each other. “yeah, yeah it is. don’t know why i’m getting all mad over a groupie slut. you can have her.” she says, walking out of the venue. you see a ditsy blonde girl following after her asking if she’s okay as she furiously walks, not responding to her. you try not to cry at her words, why does she still have such an effect on you?

“you okay?” you hear ellie asking you, almost forgetting she was there. “yeah- yeah. sorry about that. and thank you.” you say, extremely embarrassed while wiping your tears. she’s just looking at you. not saying anything. she didn’t know what to say.

“wanna go get a drink to cheer you up?”

that’s how you ended up in a random bar, with ellie fucking williams. after she asked you to drinks, she took you to the back stage, careful not to be spotted by any fans, where she grabbed her bags and headed for the exit. she was able to sober up before the ride home. while walking out, girls spotted her, running up and asking for her auto graph. she obliged for a few until one asked to sign her boobs, “i gotta go, girls.” her bodyguards following behind the two of you making them back off. you were expecting a van or a car, but no.

she rides a motorcycle.

she just got hotter.

lifting the seat, she tosses her bag into the large compartment, replacing the extra helmet which she handed to you. your heart was racing, you’ve never ridden on a motorcycle before. you nervously put the helmet on your head. “here, lemme help.” she says, pulling the band tightening the helmet ensuring it’s on tight, before tapping it lightly and swinging a leg over her motorcycle. she reached her bent elbow out, waiting for you to use her to help you get on. you grab onto her arm and swing your leg over, getting more comfortable.

“hold on.”

“so where’d you hear my music?” she says, babysitting another rum and coke looking at you intently. she was careful not to drink too much knowing she had to drive home. the two of you had been at the bar for two hours, just talking. a few people coming up every so often to get her autograph. “i actually just only heard about it the other day, through the festival.” you say shyly, hoping she won’t take offense. she laughs softly looking down. “i guess it’s a good thing for me huh? got another monthly listener and a pretty girl talking to me.” everything she says is so blunt, so easy.

you start to wonder how many other girls she’s charmed with the same line.

“wanna head out?” she says. “you can come back to mine- fuck, i can take you to yours. sorry, that sounded desperate.” she laughs, picking up the two helmets and your purse, handing it to you. with the bill paid, the two of you walked to her bike. she opens the door and waits for you to walk through.

“why don’t we go back to yours?” you say boldly. she looks surprised, and sets her helmet on her bike, placing yours gently on your head. she puts hers on, hops on the bike, and helps you get on.

“alrighty.”

you didn’t know how much you’d actually like being on a motorcycle. there’s so much adrenaline, she’s speeding through cars and air is whipping around the helmet. your chest is pushed tightly to her back, your hands wrapped around her waist. luckily, her wearing her helmet made it impossible for people to spot her, making it an easy ride back to her hotel, the only hotel in town. parking her bike in a designated spot, she holds her arm out allowing you to slide off easily, her following behind you. she opens up the bikes seat, grabbing her backpack, and locks it.

“we should hurry before someone spots you!” you giggle. the alcohol making you feel so light and ditsy, following her to her room like a lost puppy. she pulls the key out and unlocks it, holding the door for you and locking it after you. she tosses her things on the hotels desk as you lay down on her bed. smiling to yourself.

“what’cha smiling about pretty girl?”

you giggle, tapping the bed indicating her to lay next to you. “this doesn’t feel real” you laugh out as she crawls on the bed, “i mean, im living every gay girls dream right now, hello? i’m in a hotel with ellie *hic* williams!!” she laughs at your drunken state, reaching to the bedside mini fridge to grab a seltzer. “you’re cute, y/n”. your ears kinda perk up, not remembering when you told her your name.

“how do you know my name?” you say, squinting your eyes at her. she cracks open the can. “calm down, princess, i heard it when that dick was talking to you earlier.” you notice she becomes a little annoyed. “i’m glad i took money out of her pocket but fuck, i got douches at my show.” she takes a long drink from her can. your rose-colored glasses didn’t even care about abby right now, or how much ellie hated her from their first interaction, you just wanted more of her.

you snuggle closer to her, wanting to breathe her in. you’re on the left side of her, laying on your side as she’s on her back. the level of intimacy between the two of you makes your head spin. you guys just met. part of you feels bad that she, a fucking rockstar, probably wants more than a simple conversation and cuddling. you sit up slightly, trying to remove your shirt, “hey, what are you doing?” she says, looking confused. you’re struggling to take your shirt off, it being tight and you being drunk. “feel bad. you probably get girls eeeeveryday doin this.. know why you’s wanted m’here so- so i’ll do it.” your works are slurring and hardly making sense and you’re starting to get frustrated. partially from not being able to take off the uncomfortable shirt, and part from not wanted anything sexual now, not in this state and not when you hardly know her.

she grabs your hands and stops you, making you look at her. “hey, i don’t wanna do anything, ‘kay? we can watch a movie after i get you some clothes to change into.” you put your arms down watching her get up and get an oversized band tee. “don’know if it’ll fit, els.” you say, sadly. she turns around, waiting for you to try it on. “just try it, princess.” you try taking the shirt off again, but just can’t. you get so frustrated you start tearing up, making her turn around and help you. “m’gonna take it off okay?” you nod, lifting your arms as she helps you take your shirt off. “don’t look!!” you say, laughing and pushing her away. she turns around, laughing, “okay, okay” allowing you to put the shirt on and take your bra off from under the shirt. finally, you slip your skirt off.

“done!” you say, smiling watching her turn around as she makes eye contact with you, her face turning pink. she walks towards you, smiling down at you on the bed. “wanna watch a movie?” she asks, picking up a remote and a bag of what looks like joints, pulling one out along with the lighter in her pocket. you nod, asking “can i have one?” she closes the bag, replying “you’re way too drunk, sweetheart.” she flicks on the tv, putting on whatever shitty movie was playing on the hotel tv at the time. you both crawl under the bed, cuddling up into her. you hear a familiar click of the lighter, and the sound of the paper and weed burning. she plays with your hair, making you more and more sleepy, drifting off into a deep sleep state.

the next morning, you wake up unsure of where you are. you look around the room, its messy and there’s clothes, food, and drinks everywhere. you lift your head and look to the right and see none other, than ellie williams.

what the fuck happened last night?

#ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams fluff #eillie williams x reader #rockstar ellie #rockstar gf #ellie williams smut

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torialefay · 4 months

Text

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 1)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f); (however, this is a bangchan-focused fic)

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? future angst and smut??? definitely fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ author’s notes: this is my first ever post, yay! i know i have a lot to improve on, so bear with me as i figure out all of the fun stuff. leaving this as a stand alone for now until i find out if anyone is interested in this becoming a series. any feedback is super helpful! taking suggestions as well 💜

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time. gets a little emotional towards the middle. that should be about it hehe.

“Holy shit.” You stared down at your phone. A notification highlighted in tones of pink, yellow, and purple clued you into the fact quickly that it had been an Instagram notification. But the words you were reading seemed to not register.

Message request from abcedfghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz.

Wait, hold up. That’s weird. There’s no way this is his real account… Hold on.

You hurriedly clicked on the notification to open the app. It brought up a white screen with a short message surrounded by the grey Instagram text bubble.

Hey! I was wondering if you’d want to hang out sometime before you go back? We can do whatever you want. I’d just like to see you again.

You hurriedly screened your eyes back to the top of the page. In bold letters: JungKook. Right underneath, the username sprawled again: abcdefghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz.

You clicked the name and went to their profile. As bright as the sky and as plain as day, a blue checkmark next to the username. What the fuck?! There’s no way. You felt your heart start to race and your eyes shot up, looking to see who was around. You went back to the message, clicked again, and sure enough, it took you back to the same verified account. You felt your breathing start to quicken and the nerves set in. The nerves- what were they from? Excitement? Nervousness? Confusion? A mixture of them all?

“Oh God, what do I do?” You whispered to yourself while shooting your head up. Skittish all of a sudden, you examined your surroundings. You had been in the JYPE dance practice room. Light wood-colored vinyl flooring laid underneath your feet, while red walls surrounded you all the way to the ceiling, where a huge JYPE logo was attached and acted as the bright overhead lighting. You still aren’t really sure how you ended up here. Well, I guess you were, but you still couldn’t believe it. One minute, you were on a 4-week vacation to Korea, and the next, you were here- standing in a practice room for JYP Entertainment.

Merely 2 weeks ago, you had been walking along one of the busiest streets in downtown Seoul with your friend Anna. The two of you had been inseparable for the past 2 years, meeting each other in medical school in the States and relying on each other and your friend group to get you through every waking moment of it. From exam study sessions to making sure the other had woken up in time to make it to the lab, you wouldn’t find one of you without the other. Which is why you were extremely thankful that both you AND Anna were politely paused on the side of the street, being offered the opportunity of a lifetime. JYP Entertainment planned to make a new show, Everyday Idol. The concept of the show was to recruit everyday people- people in various different jobs with various different lives- to spend one week as a JYP trainee. At the end of the week, a performance would be held. It was speculated even that JYP himself would be at the finale to make evaluations and possibly ask a select few to continue their training at JYPE. That part of it is still hearsay. No one knows what happens after the final evaluation, but it didn’t matter to you anyways. Both you and Anna had another calling- one in the medical field. You weren’t here to become an idol. You weren’t even here because you particularly liked singing and dancing. You were just here for the experience of it all… and maybe also a little because you had heard that JYP had some very handsome artists who would be involved in the training, judging, and making of the show. You told yourself that was just a bonus, but let’s be honest, it was really the deciding factor of whether you would go through with this or not. You never expected though to meet Jungkook as a friend of one of the JYP artists, but again, that was also just a bonus.

So now, here you stood. A confused mess, darting eyes across the JYPE practice room that you had finally started to feel comfortable with. One final glance at your phone. Where was Anna? You had to tell someone, right? Talk to someone before you did or said anything crazy. Flights of ideas ran through your head. You started to walk toward the exit door as fast as you possibly could without anyone thinking there was something seriously wrong. Anna had to be around here somewhere. At the cafeteria, more than likely. You two had gotten separated a short while ago, but you were sure that’s where she’d be. You paced hurriedly down the long corridor and down the 2 flights of stairs to the level holding the cafeteria. Upon getting there, a quick scouring over the room showed the strawberry blond waves of Anna’s head at a long table. She was seated at the end next to Felix. Felix was a member of Stray Kids and was also Anna’s mentor throughout her week of being a trainee. The 3 of you, well 4 really (counting your own mentor, Changbin) had gotten really close. You were introduced to the other Stray Kids members as well, as you had all gone out for drinks. Some members you got closer to than others. Like Chris for example. You felt so lucky to have really cool and down to earth guys to help you along your way. They were so much fun and made hard things seem a lot easier. But no matter how awesome they were, they weren’t Anna. You zoned in on her and quickly made your way over.

“I am quite literally not doing that,” you heard Anna say, while side-eyeing Felix.

“But think about how memorable it would be. They would never forget you at least. And as your mentor, it is my job to make you stand out during the finale. I mean, just think about it,” Felix was wide-eyed, making a rainbow motion with one hand across the sky.

You interrupted the conversation by arriving at the table. “What are we thinking about?” You asked, with a faint panic sound in your voice and out of breath.

Anna just rolled her eyes again. “Go on,” she said, head dipping down to motion toward Felix.

A huge grin spread across Felix’s face. You could tell he was about to break character and start laughing any second now. “Well, I was thinkinggg, you know since you guys are gonna be doing ‘Charmer’ for your performance, that Anna and maybe some others should draw on some fake abs since we have to show ours too.” Felix laughed and waited for your expression. You relaxed into the joke, thinking about how iconic it really would be.

An annoyed smile crept across your mouth. Finally giving an eye roll of your own, you responded, “As much as I do think it is a main selling point of the performance… yeah, I’m with Anna. No way in hell I’m doing that.” You looked at Felix with raised eyebrows and laughed. Thinking about it, Felix really is such a cool guy. I’m glad he’s Anna’s mentor, and now, a friend.

“Touché,” he grinned and looked down. Damn y/n, hold up. You almost forgot you’re supposed to be panicking right now.

“Anna, I need you for just a sec,” you blurted out quickly, while grabbing her by the arm and elbow at the same time. She stood up swiftly and you rushed a few steps to the next table over. Although it was a long table, no one else was sitting there, and you thought it would be fine. You hurriedly plopped down into the seat, pulling her with you. “Look who the fuck just messaged me,” you excitedly tried to keep your voice down.

Anna took the phone and focused on it, squinting her eyes. Again, you could tell that she was clicking the account’s username and icon. Then re-reading the message, back and forth, back and forth again. You saw her expression go from confusion to utter shock, jaw dropping open. She set the phone down face up. “Holy shit y/n!!!” she all but squeeled. It was loud, and you could tell people were now looking your way.

“Shhh,” you scolded her, bringing both of your heads down closer to the table and establishing a low tone. “No one can know. I do NOT want this getting out, okay?” You paused and felt your heart skip a beat. “Anna, I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t know what to do?!” She borderline yelled yet again, raising her body up in the air with her proclamation.

“Anna!” You hush-yelled at her, bringing her body back down again. “Please, for the love of God, we have to be quiet. No, I don’t know what to do.”

“Bitchhh, message him back and say ‘hell yes!!!’. If you don’t, I swear I will.” You could tell she was so excited for you and she could not keep the cheesiest smile from spreading ear to ear across her face. Her eyes were lit up.

“I just don’t understand,” you spoke quietly. “He was literally such an asshole when I met him. Just arrogant and rude. Thinks he’s hot shit. He made me feel like I was the most irrelevant person ever. Like why is he even messaging me? I genuinely do not understand.” You had only met Jungkook a couple of days prior, through your new friend Chris from Stray Kids. They had been hanging out in Chris’ living room when you had gone to pick something up from Changbin. The interaction between the two of you was brief, but long enough for you to know that Jungkook was not your cup of tea. Now Chris on the other hand… Chris was something else. Chris was the exact opposite of Jungkook. The fact that they could even hang out in the same crowd baffled you. You could think of 100 ways to describe Chris, but no single word felt like it did him justice. On second thought, ‘perfect’ might do it. Did you hope that HE would be the one sending you a message wanting to hang out? Maybe. Did you have somewhat of a crush on him? DEFINITELY maybe. Okay, definitely. But you didn’t mean to. And how you ended up with that conclusion in the first place… Well, it’s a long story:

The way that JYPE had Everyday Idol set up, you would start preparing for the show 1 week before the actual filming and training process started. You had to come to the company building everyday to go over contracts, meet your mentors, tour the buildings, all of that good stuff. Although that was only an orientation week, it was one that was very important. You got to meet several artists and make so many connections. Since both your and Anna’s mentors were from Stray Kids, naturally, you met the other members and became friends with them as well. They were a super friendly group of guys and made you feel much more comfortable about going through this whole process. Each member had their own quirks, which you learned at a group dinner where every member came with their mentee. Some much-needed drinks were downed that night, with resultant memories made. One thing you learned for sure- Koreans LOVED their drinking games, and they really did bring people closer together. Well, at least it did for you. It brought you closer to Chris.

Chris wasn’t always the drinking type. He was overtly responsible for the wellbeing of Stray Kids after all. But that night was a night to cut loose and get to know new people. You and Chris bonded almost instantly. First, you found out that he had a dog, Berry, who happened to be the same breed as your own. You cut up all night about how the 2 dogs sounded like something out of a children’s book- “The Adventures of Berry and Bella”- Bella, your baby Cavalier of course. He showed you Berry’s pictures, and you showed him Bella’s. They looked almost identical. When Chan made a remark about them being long-lost sisters, you felt your breath get taken away for a split second. You being Bella’s mom and Chris being Berry’s dad… it sounded like some “The Parent Trap” shit. You were feeding into it though. You jokingly asked if he called her “Barold like Harold” and Berry was just a nickname. You later found out that he grew up loving classic rock, just like you. Apparently he got it from his parents, just like you. Minute after minute, you kept finding more similarities and never-ending things to talk about. By around 2-3 AM, everyone else was ready to head out and go to bed. But for you, it felt like time had flown by. You silently hoped that Chris had felt the same way- that he had felt the same spark in the conversations. That he had held onto every word you said, just like you did to him. That he was desparately hoping that the night could last for just 5 more minutes. That he wished you would invite him over just to chat some more.

But these were things you could only hope for. You knew your place and you knew that it had to be called a night. You said your goodbyes and gave Chris a hug. You’re not sure if you imagined it, but the hug seemed extra long and extra warm. You tried not to read too far into it. That was hardly the end though. You two became friends, joking with each other whenever you ran into the other, like at his apartment that day with Jungkook, and always mentioning to the other that a group of you were going to dinner if the other wanted to join. All casually though. It didn’t matter that you found him extremely handsome. You never went out of your way to seek out Chris again, nor did he you. That is, until you found yourself as the last of the new Everyday Idols cast to remain in the JYPE building. Anna had gone home early, having a migraine but already having finished up what she needed for the day. You finished the day out until the others left, staying back to talk on the phone with a friend. It was Sammie, one of the girls in the close-knit friend group with you and Anna. There were 6 of you who had become the best of friends during medical school. And although you had the closest reliance on Anna, the other girls were about as close to you as any people could be. You had all consistently cried together, stayed up all night together, and hyped each other up, not letting anyone quit for the past 2 years. The kind of mental toll that medical school puts on people is pure psychological torture, and you felt sure that none of you could have withstood it without having each other.

“Hi Sammie!!! How are you?!” You were so happy to see her name pop up…. No response. You heard a lot of background noise and looked down to see that instead, it had been a group call. You were on the line with Sammie and Anna, as well as your other 3 best friends. Sniffles was all you could distinctly hear. The light lit up around her name, showing that the noise was coming from her line.

“Sammie, are you okay?” You heard Anna ask reassuringly. There was worry in her voice. You could tell that Sammie was trying to muster up her voice, but nothing was coming out.

“Sammie, please tell us what’s going on. Is everything alright?” You questioned her. There was definitely worry now in your voice too, but how could there not be?

“Guys, I just got my score back. I didn’t pass,” Sammie cried into the phone. You felt your heart break. You had all just taken the first level of the USMLE, the first exam in the series for medical licensure. You all knew Sammie had been struggling. She had to move her test date back by a month. But when everyone else had gotten their passing results, you knew Sammie’s passing score would could back following month. I guess it turns out it didn’t. And you all knew what that meant. Your throat got caught. Dead silence…

“Oh Sammie, no. I’m so so sorry,” you whispered in a hushed voice, straining to get the words out. You felt water welling up in your eyes. You sat down on the floor, criss-crossed, ready to settle on the phone for a while and braced yourself for the rest of the conversation. Your back was propped up against the wall-length mirror, but your entire upper body slouched over so as to shield your face from the world. All you heard on the other line was sniffles… still.

Finally, your friend Nia broke the silence. “It’s okay buddy, we are still so proud of you. We all tried so hard. It will be okay. Things just have to get shifted back a bit is all. It will be okay, I promise.” You made a mental note of how Nia said ‘things just have to get shifted back a bit.’ We all knew what that meant. Sammie was automatically going to be put on probation now. She would also automatically not be allowed to continue on with the other third years… She would not be allowed to continue on with us. If she failed again, she would be kicked out of medical school entirely, any hope of becoming a doctor shot out the window.

You could hear a rustling noise coming through on Sammie’s line, and you knew it was the sound of her using the sleeves of her sweater to wipe away her tears. “No, I know. It will be okay. I’m just- I just-“ you could hear the stuffiness in her voice and how close she was to breaking. “I can’t lose you guys,” she choked out, letting out a low, slow cry once it had been said. That one got you. ‘I can’t lose you guys’ rang in your head. You lifted your head up and all the way back, taking in a deep breath and blinking slowly to try and halt any tears that were trying to escape. You needed to be strong. For Sammie. Let her know that it was okay- that we would be okay. Things would be different, but we would always be friends. Hushed cries and sniffles could be heard from the other lines, with your other friends intermittently offering up their words of comfort. Once the line had gone silent for a moment, everyone sat in solitude. Not a word uttered, not a falling tear heard. Even though you wanted to believe that nothing would change, that you could all continue on the same as you had been for the past 2 years, you knew the reality of it. You knew how brutal medical school was, and how wrapped up everyone HAS to be in their own life and at their own level if they have any chance of making it. You know this because your friend group of 6 started out as 9. People just simply did not make it. People failed out, got so far behind that they couldn’t catch up, struggled so badly with their mental health that they couldn’t continue foreward, you name it. With Sammie risking that, and definitely falling behind to the class behind you, there was no denying that things would not be the same. It’s an unspoken rule that you cannot say that though. It’s an unspoken rule that you have to be cheerful at a time like this. Tears were streaming down each of your cheeks thinking about having to move on without her and how her heart must be breaking to see all of her friends moving on without her.

“We’re never gonna leave you behind, yeah?” you cried out, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your jacket. You would try your very best. She cannot be one more who doesn’t make it. Your heart wouldn’t be able to handle that. You felt so guilty. Tears of sorrow were now replaced with tears of guilt as you covered your mouth to try to muffle any noise coming out. This continued until you felt numb. Until everyone on the line felt numb.

After another minute, everyone had soothed themselves and were starting to offer more encouragement. A weight of emotional exhaustion could be felt over the phone. You each ended the call with how much you love each other, miss each other, and promised each other that nothing would change. Even though you knew it would. With one final sniff and wipe to your cheeks, you ended the call. It took just about everything in you to stand up from the floor and stabilize yourself. You stood there for a minute, just trying to look straight ahead and get your footing. You gathered your things and exited the practice room into a long hallway. You headed first to get a cup of water, all too aware of how dehydrated the crying had made you. Once you reached the machine in the break room, you swiftly but shakily grabbed a cup and pressed the button to let the water down. With your other hand, you cupped your forehead and leaned over onto the same side’s elbow, hoping to get some pressure on your head and to get some congestion out. You felt pitiful- looked pitiful too.

Inhale, hold… Exhale, hold… Inhale, hold… Exhale, hold…

“Long day?” You heard a familiar Aussie voice chuckle from behind you. You leaned up now that your cup was done filling and turned around to face Chris. He had been stood there, just gazing towards you with his hands tucked into the pockets of his black sweatpants. You figured that must have been his signature look- a black hoodie and black pants. Come to think of it, you didn’t recall ever seeing him in something else. The moment he saw your face, how puffy and red you looked, his expression completely changed. Did he look worried?

“Yeah a little bit,” you tried to say with a sheepish smile, but a small crack came out. It was okay enough. Holding firmly on your cup, you looked down, took a long drink of the water, then lowered your hand again to start your trek out of the building. As you stepped past Chris, your arm brushed the fabric of his hoodie.

“Y/n?” He questioned abruptly, making you turn halfway around at a slow speed. You popped your head to the side a bit and looked him in the eyes but couldn’t muster up the energy to verbalize a response. You stood there waiting for him to continue, still with a worried expression evident on his face. “Are you okay?” He stared a hole right through your eyes.

You weren’t. Not really. But you didn’t know Chris enough to dump any of that on him. He’s here late too; you were sure he was busy and had plenty of work to do. Even though you did like to vent and talk things out to relieve the stress of it, that wasn’t something to do with someone who doesn’t deeply know you. That will be an activity for you and Anna once you get to the hotel. With all the strength you had, you lifted your head up high to meet his gaze. You lightly bit your cheek and feverishly nodded your head up and down. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Shallow breath in and out. “Thanks though.” You offered another low smile and turned on your heels to leave.

“I’m serious, you know. If you need someone to talk to, I’ll be in my studio. I’ve been through this before too, yeah?” You heard him call out behind you as you walked. It made you hault and think on what he said. ‘I’ve been through this before too.’ … Oh, he thinks you’re upset over the training process- over the show and the practices you’re having to do and classes you’re having to take. You wanted to do well, yes, but you couldn’t care less about the outcome of the show. You didn’t want to be an idol- you probably wouldn’t even take the offer if it was given to you. Not that it would be. But you had another calling, one that you loved and that you deeply cared about. One that made you feel like you made a difference in the world and could actually help people. Sammie had that calling too, or that same feeling at least. You weren’t sure if her chance was gone now.

“It’s not about the show or the training. I just- I’m sorry, I don’t think you’d understand,” you quietly muttered, only half turning back. The exhaustion and lack of emotion in your response was evident. You started making your way again toward the company building’s exit door.

“Try me,” you heard Chris call, sounding half stern but half playful.

“Fine,” you gave in. You crossed your arms on your chest after you had turned your body around. You let out a breath that you didn’t even know you’d been holding in and walked forward towards Chris. “Can we go to your studio?”

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“It just feels like I keep losing the people that I care about. I feel so hopeless, like there’s nothing I can do to help them,” you were lightly crying, holding onto a pillow and looking down so as to shield your face. “And I know it’s ridiculous. And I know it’s not my responsibility to make sure that everyone makes it through. But that’s my friend, you know? And I know that she can do it, she just needed more time. When she pushed back her testing date I told her to call me if she needed any help… God, why didn’t she just call me? Why didn’t I call her? I knew she was struggling, but I didn’t bother to do anything… Didn’t do anything to help… I mean I know it’s not totally on me, but GOD I feel like I’m responsible. We always worked through everything together for studying. She was the reason I even made it through the first two years. And now it feels like I’m abandoning her and there’s nothing I can even do about it. Fuck, I just feel… I feel so guilty. So so guilty. And it’s like, if this happened to her, then when is it my time? Ya know? Like she is so smart. Smarter than me. I just, I don’t see how I can do this,” you kept rambling and rambling. Chris had led you a few doors down to his studio, where you both had plopped down onto his grey leather couch. Each of your bodies were turned toward the other, one leg up on the couch, so close to touching one another’s knees. You didn’t mean to ramble on like this. Honestly, you knew you were emotional, but not to this point. Feelings and emotions came out that you didn’t even register you had yet. Guilt being a big one. Chris didn’t say anything while you were talking. He just sat patiently, nodding along to what you had to say. He looked deeply into your eyes as you confided in him, looking like he was trying to search for something there that he hadn’t yet found. Once he realized you were done with what you had to say, he took a breath in and began with his words.

“You know, I felt like that too before,” he said, scooting in slightly to bring his face closer to yours and lowering his voice. “It’s not so different, being a trainee and being in med school. You kill yourself trying so hard each day, only to see the people you love not make it. It hurts. It hurts a lot.” He said this with so much conviction. His brow began to furrow and a seriousness came over him. “And it makes you turn cold, to want to hide away and recluse those emotions. Trust me, I get it. And I’m sorry you’re having to go through that. I’m sorry to your friend as well.” His eyes were big, something was in there- it looked like genuine hurt.

Tears were welling in your eyes. You broke eye contact with Chris to look up and over to the corner of the room. To look at anything else so you didn’t start letting tears stream again. You clicked your toungue, then ran it across your teeth before taking a gulp. Once you had calmed yourself to the point you didn’t think you would cry anymore, you looked back down to a sweetly, patiently waiting Chris, who still had just as much concern on his face. “Chris, what do I do? What did you do when you felt like this?”

You could see him almost smile in a way. Or blush maybe. His eyes lit up the teeniest bit. You could see it. There had been new look on his face. Was it endearment? Whatever it was, he must have liked when people asked him for his advice or trusted his judgement. The expression was fleeting, and he went back to his prior worried face. “There’s nothing you can do besides try to learn to be okay with it. I know that’s probably not an answer that helps very much, but there really isn’t much you can do to fix it, yeah? It will be okay.” You had looked down by this point, so Chris leaned down to meet your eye level, locking you in. He extended his right index and middle fingers to hold the bottom of your chin, slowly but delicately bringing your face back up to normal with his head following right along. He never broke eye contact. He started to whisper. “Hey, you’ve done nothing wrong. Sometimes things happen, things that we can’t change. And if we spend our whole lives worrying about those things, then we will never move on to what we are meant to do. I know it must be hard seeing your friend not move on with you. And I know how discouraging it feels to think that it’s just a matter of time before you’re next. But you have to keep your head up and keep going. You can still be a good friend. You can still be a supporter and a helper. You can still be a confidant. But you can’t forget that this is your dream too. And as harsh as it sounds, sometimes you’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do to stay alive… Whether that means push your feelings aside or not. You still have your other friends to go through this with, yeah? Let them be your rock, and you be theirs. I can’t promise you that you’ll all make it through together. But I can promise you that if everyone works hard enough, they will make it through… You will make it through.” You had a few stray tears rolling down your face with Chris’ words. Somewhat because of the situation, yes, but the words did help. They made you feel reassured. More than anything, they made you feel seen. Made you feel like someone understands the pain you felt, even if it was a bit ridiculous to be so worked up. A small smile crept up. You looked down, then back up at Chris with an approving nod.

“You’re right,” you took a deep breath out. Your hands reached for your eyes to wipe at them and then went right back down to your lap. The mood had quickly shifted in the room from something serious and uptight to calm and relaxed. “Thank you Chris, really. Even just letting me get everything out made me feel better, but I do really appreciate your advice. I really value the way that you think. Really. Thank you.”

Chris blushed. He reached for the back of his neck to hold it, feeling obviously shy. “Don’t say that,” he looked down, smiling. “It’s no problem.” He put his arm down and looked up. “You feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you,” you chuckled. You instinctively went in for a hug, which Chris reciprocated. The moment he locked his arms around your back, he felt so warm… so comforting. It was like his warm words had been personafied into an action, the everyday expression of a hug. Something about this moment just felt right. You leaned in even closer, deepening the hug. Chris picked up on your cues and gently reciprocated, pushing you closer into his chest as well. He started to rub your back, making contact with your hair and neck, ever so slightly. You let out a small sigh and melted in. You felt his breath hitch, his heart stopping for just one second while he seemed to tense up. Just for a split second though. He soothed down into your grasp as well and started to rock into the hug, rubbing larger circles onto your back. You stayed like that for a few more moments, just enjoying each other’s body heat and the calm silence that remained in the building since you were the only two left. You wished you could stay like that for the next hour, but then again, you knew if you didn’t pull away soon, things would start to feel awkward. You slowly started to pull your arms back and away from his back and waist, dragging your hands lightly along the black hoodie as you went. Chris matched your actions and untangled his limbs from around your body, pulling away from your side and upper back. It was slow. It was meaningful. You weren’t sure if it was intentional, but he continued to slowly drag his hands away until one was resting on your waist and the other on the opposing side of your neck between your ear and jaw. For just a split second, he held his position, then slowly pulled his hands completely off of you. He smiled but looked down while pulling his body back, from only inches away to now a couple of feet.

You returned the smile and looked down to your hands folded in your lap. “I appreciate you Chris. I really really do. I know you’re super busy, so it means a lot to me that you’d take the time to listen to me. Hopefully one day, I can return the favor.”

“I’ll never be too busy,” he said under his breath while still looking down, almost like he didn’t want you to hear it. “People like us, we’ve gotta stick together, yeah? The world is hard sometimes, but we can lean on each other to make it a bit easier… Plus, we’ve gotta stick it out so Berry and Bella can have some play dates the next time you come back,” he giggled and looked at you endearingly. Something about that comment made your heart swell. “You will come back, won’t you?” He raised his eyebrow and gave you and over-dramatic expression, like he was wanting to get a laugh out of you. This man lol.

“Of course I’ll come back. Our long-lost daughters will be dying to meet each other, I’m sure.” You cracked a smile. A genuine smile. “Plus, people like us have to stick together, remember?” You lightheartedly asked, mirroring what he had just told you.

“Yeah, yeah we do.” He smiled and looked straight into your eyes. You could have sworn he was closer now than he had been a few seconds ago. Or maybe you wanted him to be. You could have reached out, pulled him into another hug. It would have felt natural. Well, to you at least. You didn’t want to out-hug Chris for the night. Plus, I’m sure you were somewhat swayed by how handsome he is, which factored into it. You shifted your position back slightly.

“I better get out of here and get back to the hotel. Anna thought I was headed back like 30 minutes ago. I know she’s probably as stressed as me about everything going on,” you stood up off of the couch. Chris followed suit as you shuffled past him toward the door.

“Tell her what we talked about and hopefully it can calm her down some too.” Chris caught your waist with his hand as you went to open the door. “Do you want me to walk with you back to your hotel? It’s late, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.” You turned to face him. What a cutie. He was probably just saying it to be nice. Also probably because you were still a distraught foreign woman about to wonder the streets alone after midnight. Still cute though.

“That’s okay. It’s the opposite direction from your apartment anyways, so I wouldn’t want to put you out that much.” You knew from meeting up with Changbin at their apartment that it would probably take around 30 minutes for him to get back to his place if he accompanied you to yours. Just seemed like a bit much at this time of night.

“I know, but I promise I don’t mind.” … Wait hold up. ‘I know?’ How did he know where your hotel was? You didn’t think you’d mentioned it. Old conversations started to scan through your mind, trying to think of any time you may have mentioned it to him. Nothing you could think of. Maybe you had drank too much the night everyone was together. Maybe a bunch of other Everyday Idol contestants were staying at the same place. Whatever, not a big deal.

“It’s okay Chris, really. But thank you. That’s very kind,” you smiled warmly at him. He took it openly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, of course!” He exclaimed, sounding a bit off. Almost… nervous? One more quick exchange of smiles and you were off. Once you had reached the cold air that hit you outside of the confines of the JYPE building, you silently thanked yourself for telling Chris you’d be alright on your own. You didn’t want him to see you with your teeth chattering, lips getting chapped, and nose about to run from the cold. The only thing that kept you thawed while on the trek back was thinking about Chris’ kindness. The fact that he even offered to walk you to your hotel made your cheeks heat up. Did he mean anything else by that? You were sure not. He’s just a good guy. But you couldn’t help but let your mind wander just a little bit. I wish he was my good guy. Maybe he could think that too?

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

And that is why, here you were, arguing with your best friend over whether or not you should respond to a message from Jeon Jungkook, of all people, wanting to see you. I mean, you weren’t blind. Jungkook was cute, yes. But having his first words to you be: “Heyyy there,” while smirking and definitely looking at your tits instead of your face, didn’t exactly make you want to see him again. How could that even be an option when you could only think about Chris? Sweet, sweet Chris.

“Okay, so he was a little bit of an asshole,” Anna started. “But you literally only talked to him for like 2 minutes. How do you know he’s really like that? What if he was just putting up a front trying to seem cool? Obviously he’s interested in you, I mean he Instagram messaged you for God’s sake. I’d bet he was just nervous and didn’t know how to act around you. I think you should give him another chance.” You pondered this for a second. Jungkook was weird around you for sure. But knowing what you now knew, you guessed it could be from putting up a front with you. You guessed that could be a possibility. The more you thought about it, the more you thought Anna’s points were valid. What about Chris though?

“I guess you have a point,” you gave in. Anna looked at you with a smirk and an “I-told-you-so” expression. “But even if that was the case, I don’t… I’m stuck.” You leaned down closer to the table and lowered your voice even more, as if it were possible. “I think I have a little crush on Chris.”

“It’s about fucking time you said it!” Anna laughed, her voice growing louder. “I just knew you and Chris had something there since the night we all met for drinks. Ahhhh my bestie has a little crush!!!” She reached out to grab your cheeks. You turned red and swatted her hands away, pulling them down onto the table, bringing the rest of your body with her.

“Keep it down,” you scolded her. “It’s a one-sided thing. I don’t want anyone to know please, it’s low-key mortifying,” you scoffed while saying it, looking around the room to see if Anna’s wonderfully “robust” voice had grabbed the attention of some wondering ears. You didn’t see anything. “But even if it is one sided, I don’t want to ruin my chance before I even get one. Jungkook and Chris are friends. Surely, he’d find out.”

“Okay… So let him.”

“Huh?” You questioned, not sure what she was getting at.

“Let Chris get jealous.” She was being so serious. “It’s not like Chris has tried to make any kind of move on you since you’ve seen him. And neither have you. I mean you literally saw him the other day when you met JK and he said absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. In my book, JK is at least trying. Just go for it. See what happens.” You contemplated her words. “Maybe Chris will get jealous and confess his love to you,” she said taunting, opening her eyes really big to tease you. “Or maybe… maybe you’ll find out Jungkook is actually a pretty cool guy… And a guy who’s really into you and willing to make a move at that.” Damn, she is really coming through with some good points today.

“I’ll think about it,” you smiled back. You looked down to check the message again, only to realize what time it was. You both needed to get going to a meeting. You motioned down for Anna to look at the time.

“Come on, we better go.” You both stood up and turned to walk toward the exit. You passed by Felix’s table on the way through and looked over to give him a smile and wave, so as to say goodbye. Instead of the usual wave back, he just looked at you and smiled, brows raised high on his face, almost teasingly. He gave you the expression of knowing something that he shouldn’t. Or maybe HEARING something that he shouldn’t. OH SHIT. Your eyes shifted to Anna, wide as they’d ever been; however, she didn’t seem to notice and walked along without a care in the world. Your eyes darted back to Felix for a split second, hoping he’d looked away and you were misreading things. Surely you were just paranoid. His eyes met yours, still with the same gleefull smile. He let out a small chuckle, held the eye contact for one more second, and looked down at his phone, suddenly typing away. FUCK.

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✨Continue to ➡️ Chapter 2

✨next chapters can be found on my masterlist :)

✨if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or reblogging <3

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csuitebitches · 11 months

Text

Rebranding Yourself Online using ChatGPT

Summary from “Brand Aid: Taking control of your reputation before everyone else does” by Larry G Linne and Patrick Sitkins. This book is from the early 2010s so some things are outdated and not exactly applicable. It’s also a more corporate/ business focused book. I took away what i felt were the major lessons and were more applicable to young adults/ teens/ people on social media today (because social media in 2013 vs today is very different).

I also wanted to add my own input to the summary. I’ve added prompts for ChatGPT that you can use to help figure your personal brand out better.

When rebranding yourself online, I would highly recommend:

1. Archive all your personal Instagram account’s posts (if you have an online business, create a separate page and show very little of yourself). Remove all your stories and highlights. Deactivate your account for at least 8 months.

2. Spend the next 8 months building your social media strategy, your personal brand and reinventing yourself in any way and form you want to (mental, physical, spiritual, etc).

3. Use Pinterest and figure out a theme that defines you the best. Take a look at @mafeanzures

————————-

* A brand is what people think of you.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you think other people think of you?

2. What personal attributes would you benefit from the most if those items were well known to everyone?

Question 1 and 2 in the next few prompts refers to these 2 questions.

ChatGPT prompts after you finish writing down the above answers:

“I want to develop my personal brand on instagram (or any one social media site at a time). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What should I do to be seen as that?”

This will give you a STRATEGY that you can further modify.

Now, ask the same question again but with one change:

This will give you CONTENT that you should consider posting.

* It is very likely that if you are to meet someone new and you’re aware you’re going to meet them, you’ll check their social media out. Whether its LinkedIn, facebook, twitter, instagram… keep your online presence clean.

* Before you post ANYTHING online, ask yourself: “how will this affect my brand?” If you post a story about a nasty break up/ a friendship falling apart/ a negative restaurant review… how do you think other people will see you? Be extremely mindful of your brand and what you post online.

* Rather than the age old advice “just be yourself”, look at “just be your best self.”

7 steps to a great brand:

1. Write down what you think people think of you: both positive and negative

2. Determine your goals in life (career, family, etc). What brand items do you need to get there? For example, the brand item “intelligent” to move up the corporate ladder. What will you need in order to be perceived as intelligent?

3. Gap analysis: the difference between point 1 (current situation) and point 2 (desired situation).

4. Develop action items. For example, if you want to be seen as innovative at work, start bringing ideas to meetings.

5. Influences on your brand: your dress, style, voice tone and quality, health, recreation, the car you drive, social environments, where you live, the language you speak, the subjects of your conversations, social media postings all impact your brand.

6. List what you must do to protect your brand. For example: not drinking in public; dressing a certain way; etc.

7. Review every 6 months.

Ask ChatGPT: “I am (ethnicity) (gender), (age) years old based in (City, country). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). My viewers would mostly be people from (conservative/liberal/ rural/ urban/ define audience. In case there are two audience types, ask one at a time) backgrounds. I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What behaviours should I not engage in?”

Using the power of “always”: 5 specific things you pride on yourself for doing regularly.

“I always take the time to be updated in my field of work.”

“I always volunteer every Sunday.”

Things to keep in mind:

A. Are you easy to find online?

B. Is your content consistent?

C. Do your pictures, videos convey your personal brand?

D. What will enhance your brand?

E. What will damage your brand?

Ask ChatGPT: “I want to develop my personal brand on instagram (or any one social media site at a time). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What can potentially damage my brand if I’m not careful?”

If you are willing to see what you are doing and saying on the front page of a newspaper tomorrow, proceed with it. If you wouldn’t want it on the front page of the newspaper, STOP immediately.

More things to keep in mind:

1. The internet amplifies everything

2. Context matters

3. Consistency is everything

4. Your “at home” brand is as important as “outside of home” brand

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aftgficrec · 6 months

Note

ah I'm so excited you're open!!! thank you for the ridiculous amount of work you all do 🙏ok, this might be too specific but any fics with an alternate take on Andrew and Neil's post-trk reunion? Andrew gets out of easthaven early, Neil leaves the Nest later, AU's, etc.? i think it's a really interesting point in their dynamic, and I'm a sucker for sober Andrew realizing someone was watching his back for once

Feeling a bit like a Bernie Sanders’ meme – ‘I am once again asking myself why I spent so much time on an ask,’ 😅 but it's because this is such an iconic and beloved scene for our fandom. For a super fun ‘live’ first-time reader reaction to this high drama, check out ‘The King’s Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend’ by @nickireadstfc here. -A

also see

Andrew's POV of throwing keys off roof here

‘Come and Save Me From It’ here (completed)

‘Learning To Feel (When You've Forgotten How)’ and the fandom meta posts here

‘pipedream’ here

‘reaching for the heights’ here

‘Lost boy’ and ‘[Un]broken’ here

‘I Know You From A Nightmare,’ ‘The Marks We Make,’ and ‘Draw Me Out, Mark Me In’ here

‘Marked’ and ‘Soulmates who can feel each other’s pain’ here

‘Of Stars and Stories’ here

‘What’s normal now?’ here

long previous recs with reunion mention

‘No More Fucks To Give’ here (updated)

‘The Sphynx and the Hare’ here (completed)

‘corvus, vulpes, lupus’ here

‘never fallen (from quite this high)’ here

‘Not a Pipe Dream’ here

‘everything and nothing begins with you’ here

Andrew gets sober, Neil stays at Evermore

‘Oh Raven,’ ‘Jailbird,’ and ‘Take to the Wing’ here

‘Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die)’ here

‘Comeback’ here

you may also like

in the dream I don't tell anyone (you put your head in my lap) by Fortheloveofexy [Rated T, 1850 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

The real Neil would never allow this, would not let himself be this vulnerable. The real Neil can barely stand to be around him. Andrew knows this. But Dream Neil? Dream Neil is a different story.

Will you be there when I come back? by Shamman [Not Rated, 299 Words, Complete, 2017]

Andrew is trapped in Easthaven with an eidetic memory and tries to focus his thoughts on the confusing image of Neil Josten's face. -Because however terrible it may look, Andrew's current circumstances are much less pleasant. Furthermore Bee has been making him sing and play the guitar in a very therapeutic attempt to make him express some sort of actual emotion over the past year.

tw: violent imagery

You Gave Me A Key And Called It Home by glintchi [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2019]

Chapter 19: Yes, I Admit It, You Were Right [460 Words] Renee was waiting for him in the basement, fingers already taped, hair pulled back into a tuft of a rainbow ponytail.

Foxhole Tidbits by SpangleBangle [Collection Rated T/M, Updated 2018]

Chapter 14: My Friend, O My Friend [M, 953 Words] Prompt for Renee's reaction after Drake/Easthaven and Andrew's return.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: canonical character death

Did You Miss Me? by Deathandcommas [Rated G, 555 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]

Aaron and Andrew have a late night chat after Andrew gets back from Easthaven.

tfw spoons by StrawBerryRains [Rated G, 216 Words, Complete, 2021]

Nicky offers Andrew ice cream when they arrive home from Easthaven.

A Taste of Your Own Medicine by caffeine_withdrawl [Rated M, 66454 Words, Incomplete, Updated March 2023]

Set after the infamous Thanksgiving, but then diverges from canon. Andrew and Bee decide it’s time for Andrew to come off the drugs, but works some magic so that he is allowed to do it in Columbia. Neil is tasked with helping him through it. They decide to do it the same way Andrew helped Aaron sober up, by locking him in a bathroom. Andrew doesn't react well, and switches between rage and panic. Andrew wonders if Neil is real or if he made him up because of the drugs.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: body horror, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: drug addiction, tw: withdrawal, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: ptsd, tw: emotional abuse, tw: hallucinations

making it harder to breathe by Azure_Allumiia [Rated T, 1643 Words, Complete, 2021]

Christmas Break with the Foxes, featuring Andrew at Easthaven and Neil in Evermore. Foxes celebrate New Years in NYC with the ball drop.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: medical abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood

Dead Birds by Noah98 [Rated G, 1601 Words, Complete, 2021, Locked]

Neil just got back from Evermore and Andrew has returned from Easthaven. Riko calls. He wants a rematch and oh boy does he get it.

tw: violence, tw: blood/gore

Art

NB: just a sampling of art for this scene

“Feel Again” original song by @whatbutandreil [Tumblr, 2020]

Picking up Andrew from Easthaven part 1, part 2 comic by @coldcigarettes

andreil keys off the roof scene: animation by @hahanken | comic by @rainbowd00dles | comic by @lunapiq | art by @esklinray

I hate you comic by @thematicallycoherent

I’m not a hallucination art by @clumsyartish

Stick around long enough to figure it out for yourself. edit by @m1nyards

You are a pipe dream art by @viennemort

“you spend all this time watching our backs” edit by @matthcwboyd

not a hallucination a pipe dream art by @kryptidfox

“you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” art by @planetmontressor

"Go inside and leave me alone." art by @dimsunstuff

“No, you’re a pipe dream.” art by @starkingdraws

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syninplays · 1 month

Text

So uhm... I did a thing...

✨Character Info Template✨

Been meaning to do this a long time ago (and actually started it but never finished it, lol) as a way to share some more information about my ocs without needing to use a custom page theme, but mostly because I haven't found any page theme that looks exactly as I want and allows this much customization.

There are two versions and both are almost exactly the same; but the example shown in the left has an 'appearance' section which is small and has few quick facts regarding the oc's appearance; while the example on the right has a 'moodboard' section instead which allows you to add more info about your oc.

You can change every section/title to fit your needs like I did in the examples below; I personally removed some categories as well and got rid of some connections as this oc doesn't have that many close friends/partners to fill the original template. However, I also included an extra separated 'connections' section in the download in case you want to add more people and more information.

I recommend you stick to square-shaped pictures so it's easier to fit them to each section. Also if and when you edit the information or section titles, please select only one line at a time to replace it so you don't lose the text format. (Titles shouldn't change because that's a single format/font within the same text box, but should it change you can always hit ctrl+z hehe) When you're done, I strongly recommend you save this as a .png instead of .jpg so it's the best possible quality!

Last but not least, this is a .psd file. So you'll need either Photoshop (I did this with Photoshop Portable, but it supports newer versions of PS and it *should* support older versions too) or Photopea to open and edit this file.

Credits: Adobe Photoshop, Inter font, Golften Vintage font

>DOWNLOAD< (patreon but free :p)

(note: I'm posting this with my gaming blog because I think my fellow gamers might be interested in this, but please consider giving credits to me if you use this template by tagging @synindoodles instead of this blog)

More info on how to use and edit this template below the cut!

Layers:

>Each layer is properly named and categorized. The general layers such as the background, the icon shape and background shapes are under the groups.

>If you don't want to see/don't need one of the connections' pictures and information, I recommend you find which one it is (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6) and click on the eye symbol next to the layer to hide it so that way if you ever need it, it won't be truly gone.

>To edit a text section, simply find the layer (such as General Information>Left Column) and double click on the 'T' symbol next to the layer. That way it will open edit mode and allow you to edit the text, just don't hit delete or enter while everything is selected or you'll erase it :p

>Main text sections aren't separated, they're blocks of text. I recommend you don't remove the amount (for example, if you downloaded the version with the 'appearance' section, which has 5 sections of information, don't remove the fifth line.) Either leave it empty or replace it with another data, otherwise it will look weird. The 'general information' section might look good even if you remove a few lines, just don't get rid of the whole block of text.

Pictures:

>To add a new picture, simply paste it over this document and move it using the Move Tool.

>To frame it (so it becomes a circle or fits over the shape you want), make sure the picture layer is over the layer you want, then while holding alt click between the two layers. [For example, if you want to add a new main oc picture: 1) paste the pic you want, 2) move it with the Move Tool so it's covering the big circle, 3) once you've fully covered the shape (if it isn't you can resize it by right clicking on it then on 'free transform', sometimes you might need to hold shift to proportionally resize it) make sure the newly pasted pic layer is over the layer named "picture goes here", 4) hold the alt key and hover your mouse cursor over the line between your pic layer and the circle layer until you see an arrow going down symbol, once you see it click it and tah dah! your picture should now have the same shape as the circle! - you can further move it if it doesn't fit the way you want with the Move Tool (;

Others:

>You can change every color, font and section to your liking, just don't change the general layout of the template.

>To hide/show the guides (those bright blue lines all over the document), click ctrl+,

>'Inter' is a free font and you can get it in the link above (linked with the credits), Golften Vintage is not, but you can get the demo version >here< (just scroll down and click the blue download button under license). I will not tell you how to install fonts as it might be different for everyone (for me it's C:/Windows/Fonts and I just drop the zipped files (except the .txt one) there), but google is your friend.

>I can't think of anything else that needs to be said here, but if you have any other question feel free to send me an ask or dm and I'll help you out!

>Last but not least, a like is appreciated if you plan to use this plus consider tagging @synindoodles if you use it <3

#psd template #template #characters page #muses page #muse page #muse template #character template #character page template #oc page #oc page template #synindoodles #rp resources #rp template #roleplay resources #roleplay template #writers resources #writing resources #writing template #writers template

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ladykailitha · 1 year

Text

Can Anybody See Me? Part 8

Now we’re getting to the reason behind the title.

On the tagging, I HAVE REACHED MY HARD AND FAST LIMIT OF 50. I love the response this story has gotten. I do. I love you all. I love every reply, like, and reblog. It brings me so much joy, you don’t even know. But tagging is hard for my ADHD brain. I have gone up from 20 to 30 and finally 50 as my system improved but I think if I do any more than that I’ll go insane. So any future tagging requests will be ignored. Sorry.

The best way to keep update on these stories is follow me and set me on notifications. I rarely do a lot of reblogging these days (too busy churning out stories like whoa), so more often then not a post will be a story. I try to post at least once a day (some times twice if I’m trying to rush through the posting a bit like I did to make sure the Valentine fic got out in time without making people wait on Vamp!Eddie), just never at set time.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

When Eddie heard how Gethin had done it, he was starting wonder who the smart twin was, because it was brilliant.

The chemicals for developing film were kept in Miss Chen’s room and he took some quick pictures of Steve’s piece before promptly spilling some of the chemicals that the teacher had in her class room all over it.

It ATE the paper. Gethin had tried to mop it up before it got too bad. But alas, it was too late.

“Mr Hughes!” Miss Chen protested. “Please be more careful next time!”

Gethin apologize profusely. He begged her to give the poor student whose piece he had just destroyed an extra week to finish the project, because he had been soooo careless.

She agreed.

He ran out of her class with the chemicals he needed to develop the film in his camera.

Pictures he slipped into Eddie’s locker during lunch.

After school Eddie waited until the halls were empty before he opened his locker. He knelt down to pick them up and blinked. Steve was really good. The composition was sound and colors were great.

The page wasn’t even that scary. It was just of this boy walking up to a house in the dead of night. In one of the panels you could almost make out something watching the boy, but it was the vague sense of unease made it so you could tell it was going be a horror comic. It was good. And suddenly Eddie was pissed at Miss Chen for calling Steve out for this.

Especially since Eddie’s own comic was about slaying a dragon.

He shoved the pictures back into his backpack and slammed the locker shut.

“Well what have we got here?” a voice said from behind him.

Shit.

Eddie turned around slowly. There was Tommy H, Billy, and Kyle, standing there with their arms crossed.

“Hey, boys,” he said with a grin. “You looking to buy? I’ve got about four kilos.”

Tommy and Kyle looked at each other, nervously. They didn’t want to antagonize their drug dealer.

Billy ran his tongue over his teeth thoughtfully. “I just wanted to talk. I’ve been seeing Harrington hanging around you freaks lately and wanted to know why?”

Eddie folded his arms. “I get you’re new here, Hargrove, but your friends should have told you: I’m the king of picking up lost sheep. I like bringing people into my fold that the rest of this school has deemed outcasts. Steve Harrington has become one of those. And how could I resist such a tempting treat as the former king of Hawkins High?”

“You leave him the fuck alone, you hear me?” Billy growled.

“Or what?” Eddie asked. “You’ll do me like you did him? And then where will you get your weed? Because if you do I will make sure that I don’t sell to you or any of your little friends.” He wagged his finger as he indicated to Tommy and Kyle. “I’ll fucking cut off the entire basketball team. Don’t think I won’t. How long do you think you’ll be king then, Hargrove? When suddenly everyone’s supply dries up because you fucked with me?”

Kyle tugged on Billy’s arm. “Come on, man. Whatever your beef with Harrington is, it’s not worth this.”

Tommy just stood there looking Eddie in the eye.

“So what’s it going to be, Hagen?” Eddie asked. “You going to side with King Jackass here and alienate the whole fucking basketball team because you’ve got a hard on for Harrington? Or are you going to the smart thing and walk away?”

Tommy grabbed Billy’s other arm. “Let’s go.”

Billy wrenched his arms from both of them and stalked off.

“Run along, Tommy,” Eddie said making a shooing motion with his hands. “Go suck Hargrove’s dick.”

Tommy made to swing at Eddie, but Kyle stopped him. “Don’t do it, dude. He’s trying to get a rise out of you.”

Eddie grinned. He blew a kiss at Tommy and then walked off, a nervous energy humming in his veins.

He walked out to his van and found Steve waiting for him. Eddie smirked.

“You waiting for me, big boy?” he asked walking up to the other boy.

“I wanted to thank you for what you did about my art project,” Steve explained. “And then I saw Billy and Tommy and I got worried.”

Eddie patted his cheek. “You’re sweet, but I told you, I’m immune.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Plus, pretty boy,” Eddie said. “You won’t have to worry about that lot anymore. They came after me and I set them straight. If they want to keep buying weed, either they’ve got find someone new or leave you the hell alone.”

Steve sighed in relief. “So everything’s cool?”

“Cool as can be,” Eddie agreed. He opened the door and hopped into the van. “And I didn’t do anything to your project, Stevie.”

He saluted Steve and drove off, leaving behind a very confused, but very happy Steve Harrington.

Steve kept his eye on Tommy and Billy but by the end of the week there was no doubt that whatever Eddie had said them, made them back off.

“Hey, Steve,” Gareth said, nonchalant. “Did you know that there chemicals used in the art department for all sorts art related shit that can dissolve paper?”

Steve cocked an eyebrow at him. “You don’t say.”

“Didn’t you now,” Brian said with a grin, “Gareth’s brother is a big photography nerd.”

“Oh, he must know Jonathan Byers, then,” Steve said, deliberately not taking their bait.

Gareth cocked his head to the side and hummed. “Maybe not. Different grades. But still could do, I suppose.”

Steve grinned. “Miss Chen did say it was a photography student that ruined my comic, maybe I should go thank Jonathan.” He winked at them and they burst out laughing.

Which was actually what Steve thought had happened when Eddie denied all knowledge of what happened. That Jonathan had recognized the scene of Steve on his way to Jonathan’s house and messed it up, worried Steve might get in trouble with the government.

But Gethin doing it made Steve sigh in relief. He already owe his life to Jonathan, owing him for the art project, too? That was too much for even Steve’s wounded pride.

Steve had already fobbed Nancy off earlier in the week because Jonathan had snitched.

She was practically screaming about being so careless. As if Steve would make the characters look like them. He had asked her if she had seen it herself and when she admitted she hadn’t, Steve told her to back off. Which lo and behold, she actually did.

“It’s bullshit Miss Chen even said anything,” Eddie growled. “It’s of this boy walking up to a house at night. It could’ve been of a boy going to pick up a girl on a date, but because Steve used muted tones and creepy vibes, she decided it was sad or some shit and threatened to call Steve’s parents.”

The other three boys looked at each other. “That is bullshit,” they all agreed.

Steve shrugged. “I changed to be about a lost little girl who connects with a social recluse and they become a family. If she gives me shit about that one, I’ll kindly let Chief Hopper know that Miss Chen thinks him and his adopted daughter’s story is toooo depressing for school.”

“I like the way you think,” Jeff said with a cackle.

Steve grinned. Silence descended as the boys ate their lunch. As they were packing up, he casually dropped a bomb on them.

“Miss Lucy wants me to try out for the school musical...”

“No way, dude!” Eddie said. Miss Lucy was the drama teacher. Her last name was one of those that looked easy on paper but really wasn’t. So she had all her students call her by her first name.

“I thought you were new to the whole drama thing,” Brian said.

“I am but she seems to think I’m good enough to tryout,” Steve said with a shrug.

“Are you going to do it?” Eddie asked in all seriousness.

Steve bit his lip. “I want to but I don’t want people to get mad at me if I do a get a part.”

Gareth’s brow furrowed. “Why would they be mad at you?”

Steve shrugged again. “That a newbie like me is taking away a roll from one of the more seasoned kids?”

“If that’s the case,” Jeff said, “then fuck them. You didn’t know you had a talent for it.”

Steve smiled warmly at them. “Thanks, guys.”

Eddie clapped him on the back. “You go get ‘em, tiger!”

Steve laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

He felt the warmth from where Eddie touched his back all day long. And he carried that feeling all the way through his audition.

“You are such chicken shit,” Eddie told Steve. The results were back for call backs and he was too afraid to look.

“I know, I know,” Steve murmured. “But I would rather walk through an entire pack of demodogs then look at that stupid piece of paper.”

“What the fuck is a demodog?”

Steve blinked. “Something the kids made up for their D&D campaign.” Which was true. Mostly.

“Uh-huh,” Eddie said, licking his lips. “You owe big time for this.”

“I’ll buy you dinner,” Steve promised.

“And it better be somewhere nice!” Eddie called back over his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbled.

Within seconds Eddie came flouncing back. “Bad news, Stevie...”

“I didn’t get called back?” Steve asked.

Eddie cackled. “You got called back for Charles Thomson. You’re going up against Kyle Carver.”

“Fuck.”

“Language, Mr Harrington,” Mr Hall, one of the swim coaches murmured as he walked by.

“Sorry, coach,” Steve said automatically. He turned back to Eddie. “He’s going to get it, isn’t he?”

“Kyle?” Eddie asked. Steve nodded. “Probably. Though it would be a serious miscarriage of justice if he does.”

Steve grinned. “Good thing you’re a fan of those. Maybe you start a letter campaign against bias casting in school plays.”

Eddie looked around to make sure there weren’t any teachers. “Fuck off, Harrington.”

Steve kissed his nose and ran off giggling. “See you later, Munson.”

Eddie stood in the hall being jostled by other students as he thoughtfully rubbed his nose.

Steve watched Kyle audition from the audience and was so sure Kyle had it in the bag. Until he opened his mouth to sing and what came out of his mouth was horribly off key.

“Mr Carver, are you all right?” Miss Lucy asked.

Kyle nodded and tried again. This time it was better, but no where near it was when he auditioned the first time.

“I must be coming down with a cold,” Kyle excused.

Miss Lucy frowned. “Your turn, Mr Harrington.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slow, like Eddie had taught him. He stepped up to the stage and turned around.

“You know, sometimes I think the general is speaking to me,” Steve recited his lines, his voice breaking on the last word. And then he used the scene to launch into the singing part of his audition.

Miss Lucy was humming and nodding as Steve finished up the song.

“Thank you, Mr Harrington,” Miss Lucy said. “Results will be posted on the drama room door tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Miss Lucy,” Steve said.

As he passed Kyle the boy hissed, “Suck up.”

Steve just shrugged. “Or maybe it’s just polite to thank someone for their time.”

Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21

Tag list: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites @garden-of-gay @anaibis @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @jinxjinn @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @dangdirtydemons @lovelyscot @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #canon divergence #the boy with the bat #ladykailtiha writes

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novasintheroom · 25 days

Text

008. Kindness

♡ Pairing - Vash x Reader

♡ Word count - 1.1k

♡ Warnings - none

♡ Description - You continue to send Vash letters.

Part of the 150 Bullets drabble series on AO3

Part 1 ---- Part 2 ---- Part 3 (you are here!) ---- Part 4 ---- Part 5

The next letter comes a week later on a Tuesday. The one after that, two weeks and two days. And the one after that, just four days later.

You’ve made a habit of writing at nearly every post office and leaving it to be picked up by Vash if he chooses. He tries to resist and leave the letters there, but loneliness and the want to know how you’re doing always wins. He’s returned to a town more than once just to get a letter.

This week’s letter comes from a little town called Bangs. The mailwoman hands him the letter from the top of her tomas, and he gives her the twenty-six C-cents for handling it.

The paper inside is pink this time and smells a bit like almond lotion. Your curving and slanted writing greets him:

Birdie,

I’ve managed to add three new towns this week to the roster. There’re only a few people in each who are willing to join in on the book exchange, but a win’s a win. HQ says I’m doing great, and they’ve already gotten a few applications from some teenagers in the towns to apply for college in the bigger cities.

In fact, they’re moving me to a new route soon. One that’s a bit more challenging due to it being so far out and away from most other places. I’m getting my own tomas for it since the towns are so spread out. I’ve drawn the map they sent me on the back…in case you ever want to visit.

I hope you’re doing well. I wish I could see you. I know you’re getting my letters. Write to me, please. Even if you don’t think we should travel together anymore, we can at least be friends, right?

Forever yours,

______

P.S. What do evil toma lay? Deviled eggs.

He’s surprised to find two blank pages nestled into the envelope. You really want him to write you? After abandoning and dodging you for nearly two months? But he shouldn’t be surprised. You’re always adjusting to his boundaries, always making sure he’s comfortable, even if you disagree. You’re too kind for your own good. The least he could do is tell you he’s okay.

So, he writes back.

______,

I’m doing fine. I’ve got a few jobs lined up in the town I’m in right now. I was able to help nurse someone’s grandma back to health here too. I’m doing my best, just like you are.

He taps at the paper. What else should he say?

I’m sorry I I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. You’re making a huge difference by helping build up people’s education. It will help so many people in the future.

What do you know about the region you’re getting assigned to? I’ve only been around there a few times, and I’m sure it’s changed since then.

Best,

Vash

P.S. Why can’t you ever trust stairs? They’re always up to something.

He’s left with an extra page to write with, but just stuffs it in his pocket. He doesn’t have much of worth to say right now; he still feels bad about…everything. He finds the postwoman again, who takes the new envelope and trots off on her tomas, and that’s that.

The next letter comes on the road as a courier passes by on her own walk back toward a town called Ferret’s Claw. She hails him, and hands it to him. “Already paid for,” her gravelly voice says, then continues trotting down the path of dunes.

Vash watches her leave before he opens and scans it over.

Birdie,

I’ve heard about you helping the Plants in the region. You’re not as sneaky as you used to be. That, or people are a lot more talkative about the talented, young, handsome man going around fixing Plants.

Sure sounds like you.

I’ve had to deal with some bandits on the road. Been chased a few times. Luckily they either aren’t great shots or don’t have their own toma to chase me on. They seem to be young kids with nothing better to do. I hope the more we spread education, that will lessen.

Be careful around here, birdie.

Forever yours,

______

A blush rises to his cheeks when he reads over the “talented, young, handsome” line again. Leave it to you to still get his stomach fluttering with butterflies, even at a distance. Vash lets a breath go through his nose, then folds the letter, putting it in his “letters pocket,” so dubbed now after receiving them. He brings out the spare piece of paper from the previous letter and begins to write, using his knee as a ‘desk.’

Mayfl______,

Don’t worry about me; I know how to run handle bandits. You should be more careful, though. Do you still have that knife you got from the pawn shop?

I won’t be staying in the region long. There’s a call coming from somewhere else, and I need to go to it.

He taps the paper, looking up and around as he thinks. Should he tell you where he’ll be? He’d like more letters…

It’s coming from a town in the east, I know that much. Hopefully I can get there in time.

Be safe.

Vash

P.S. There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.

There. That ought to be enough.

And when he’s in the east, he isn’t as surprised to find a letter waiting for him at one of the towns.

Birdie,

I’ll keep writing to you if that’s alright. It gets lonely on the road, and I don’t doubt you feel it too. I love getting your letters.

HQ says I’ll stay in this region for at least a few months. Please let me know where to send my letters; I promise I won’t follow – I’ve got too many people relying on me and the books now. But I’d still love to hear from you. Tell me about what you’re up to, any adventures, even the shoot-outs you’re in. I’ll worry, but I’ll know you’re okay with each letter.

I hope you’re well. I hope you find happiness wherever you go.

Forever yours,

______

P.S. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

And Vash does write back. Even if it’s so much less than what you write, he keeps you updated.

Vash wonders, when he’s writing his next letter, if this should stop. He’s leading you on; he hasn’t stopped contact like he promised he would. He looks down at the paper and crumples it in his hand, then opens and smooths it out again. Your kindness is like a drug he can’t quit. It’s selfish, but he wants to keep you, like the letters he keeps in his pocket. Is it so bad to want one friend in the world?

Maybe. Perhaps not.

And so he writes.

#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #tristamp #writing #vash x reader #vash the stampede x reader #reader insert #self insert #nova writes #150 bullets #trigun x reader #vash x you #trigun stampede x reader

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cedricsnotdead · 3 months

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here’s a post about writing tips from an excessively prolific fanfic writer

a question i’ve been asked is how do i manage to write so much in so little time, as for many people even putting down 500 words of a story can take a very long time

i don’t know if i’m the right person for giving writing tips but here are my answers to this (long post, sorry)

first there are two points that i should make clear:

1) i would not overestimate my productivity - if the plot is complex, i’m not that fast either. it took me a long time to put together ink and blood parts 1-3 which have a more complicated story. the other things i wrote were very simple in the plot or, like with the prequel, they followed the canon very closely so the plot was already done

2) even though it feels strange to say it, my real life job is professional writing. i don’t write fiction for my job, clearly, but even if it’s a different type of writing, the routine is always the same: elaborate a chunk of information, put it together in a way and order that makes sense, and sit there and write pages and pages under time pressure. this means that i’m used to produce coherent written pieces and to do it fast.

that said, i think my writing tips are the lamest ones i can give and you’ll hate me for this:

practice.

the fact that i’m fast at producing stuff is because as a consequence of my job i have been writing and doing this process of transforming information from my head to a page for years.

and even with that professional background, the quality of ink and blood 1 is not the same as that of ink and blood 3.

as you keep writing you can see how you dramatically improve from one piece to the next one, so just do it. you have an idea? write it down, even if it’s not for publishing it. i have a lot of old scraps of scenes i wrote down, some eventually made it into the published stories, some will stay there in the shadows of my files forever.

let that little seed grow on the page.

i think one point that blocks many people is that they feel like they don’t have a full plot with characters and worldbuilding in mind when they start writing.

but this is normal, it’s not like you wake up one morning and you have a full plot in your head that appeared overnight. for me, most of the things i wrote generated from one little seed, one little random scene that appeared once in my head while doing a random task and that had likely nothing to do with the big picture of the plot.

an example? ink and blood, a series of now like 9 fanfics and countless chapters, was generated by a random scene in chapter 4 of part 3 that i published last week.

if you have a random scene in your head, write it down. maybe it will stay a random scene and you’ll have practiced some writing, or maybe you will find yourself thinking how the characters ended up there and why, and what’s the background, what will they do next. and then one idea will pull another one and you may find yourself writing many chapters of a long project.

find a beta reader.

find someone who is willing to read your drafts.

agree on the boundaries of what “beta reading” means for you (spellcheck/language mistakes? just general impression of the story? more criticism on finding plot holes?). make clear from the beginning how much you are willing to give up of your original idea.

setting those boundaries is very important - years ago i had experiences with beta readers without agreeing on these things and i found myself hearing very harsh and frankly unnecessary feedback that just made me give up instead of trying to improve the piece. the original idea of ink and blood that i had many years ago was trashed down as painful to read and completely dismantled by the first two people who came in contact with it.

but finding someone who is even just there to talk about your story will help you improve and motivate you as well, if you set the boundaries right. and if you’re motivated, you’ll be faster as well.

read.

read as much as you can of the genre you want to write. this will help you both developing the language skills (especially if you don’t write in your first language) and developing a bit of critical thinking when it comes to character development, worldbuilding and plot, and on what you as a reader of that genre would like/not like to see on the page.

it’s not easy to have the headspace for reading someone else’s writing when you are in the zone of your own story, so you may have to do some hard stop breaks between one piece and the next one such that you can read something that is not yours. it can also help you recharge your brain a bit and unconsciously get new inspiration for your next piece.

so yeah i think that’s it. but if you have questions or remarks on these things feel free to use the ask button, asks are always open ✨

#w.i.t.c.h. fanfiction #fanfiction writing #ao3 #ao3 writer #writing tips #writeblr #ao3 fanfic #resources

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fuck-customers · 5 months

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One of these days I'm gonna snap and tell this one lead to go fuck herself and probably punch her in the face.

She is always so rude and condescending for no reason. I personally have worked here long enough to not need to ask a whole lot of questions, but I've seen how she treats the new hires when they ask questions and it's extremely disrespectful.

They'll ask a question that sure, is obvious to those who've been working here for many years, but they've only been here a week or so, so it is not obvious to them, no one is born knowing every single one of Store Procedures so managers should be nicer to new hires. Especially since THEY hired them.

For example, this rude ass bitch will listen to a new kid ask a question like "hey I'm out of receipt paper, where do I get more?" Which, in their defense, is in an unlabeled drawer that looks exactly like 3 other drawers right next to it, so...I can understand how a new person wouldn't be able to immediately figure that out. And this rude ass how will be like "UMM...you should've been shown WHERE the paper is on your first day, you've been here A WEEK, you should know this by now." Which. 1. Is unnecessarily rude and 2. I've seen how pisspoor the management and training is here, I would safely bet the new hire was never shown where the paper is kept. And 3. The hours are so fucking shitty that I guarantee that even though the new hire was hired a week ago, they've only had 1-4 shifts max and it would not be unsurprising if they were unable to remember after having so much time in between shifts, IF they were even shown in the first place. Plus even if they worked a week straight, it's only one week and they're human and humans forget things sometimes. Chill.

She'll also make passive-aggressive comments about something an employee has done that was wrong (that most likely was an honest mistake) and instead of taking that coworker aside and talking to them privately, she'll make a passive-aggressive announcement over the radio (something like "just so WE ALL ARE ON THE SAME PAGE, we're not supposed to do [XYZ specific thing that coworker accidentally did wrong, and all other employeescan easily deduct who she's talking about, since there's only 1 employee per department]") so all the employees on the floor can hear, instead of just speaking to that individual employee privately.

But her disrespectful attitude does not stop at new hires. No. I've been here much, much longer than her (multiple years longer) and she's so fucking rude to me and other established employees as well.

For example, today, I worked an extended shift, so I had to take a lunch and our store manager told me that she was going to go do something and then she'll be back in a minute to cover my lunch, since I can't just leave my department unattended. So after 10 minutes of her not returning, I ask over radio if she wanted me to clock out for lunch now or wait a few more minutes for her to come back. And instead of just fucking saying "yeah I'll cover you" or simply just not responding considering I WASN'T TALKING TO HER, the fucking lead no one likes comes over to my department and starts grilling me because I was "supposed to already be clocked out ages ago. Why are you still here?" Yeah next time I'm just gonna fucking walk away and go on lunch without confirming that I have coverage. Fuck you.

I've talked to a few coworkers and apparently she's always rude and condescending when speaking to any employee, so I'm surprised she's even managed to last as long as she has (one month) because she's already made an immediate enemy out of every employee that's had the misfortune of interacting with her.

Posted by admin Rodney.

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writingquestionsanswered · 8 months

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I'm not quite sure if I should be going to you for advice on this, but I figured it was worth a shot! So, me and my friend are co-writing a story. However, me and her have a lot of differing opinions on many things (Particularly when it comes to character relationships), and I was wondering if you had any advice for creative differences in co-writing?

Creative Differences During Collaborative Writing

Collaborating on a story with another writer can be hard, especially if you have a lot of creative differences, but there are some things you can do to make things go a little more smoothly.

1 - Figure Out a Game Plan in Advance - If you've already started the story, it may be too late for this step, but you can keep it in mind for your next collab. Figuring out a game plan before you start writing can help iron out the wrinkles before they become a problem, so it helps to get on the same page as far as: logistics (how the story will be written/who writes what), goal (is this for fun? Future publication? Posting online?), timeline (when should the story be finished? What is the deadline for each individual part?), expectations (what do you both want to get out of this project? What are your expectations of one another? How will you communicate delays and other issues? How will creative differences be addressed and resolved?), and a contingency plan for if one of you doesn't finish their part of the story. (Can the other finish it? Can a new partner be brought in? Can the other person incorporate their own characters and parts of the story into a new story?)

2 - Analyze the Conflict - When you find yourself butting heads with your partner over a creative decision (let's say you want Todd to be with Jack, but they want Todd to be with Brandon), the first thing you should do is analyze why you want the thing you want. Why do you think Todd should be with Jack? Is it because they genuinely work better? (Better chemistry, earned relationship, better outcome?) Or is it simply because you like Jack better?

3 - Choose Your Battles - If the thing you want wouldn't genuinely work better for the story, you may want to just let it go and roll with what the other person wants. Save your battles for the things that really matter to the story.

4 - Be Gentle - If you find yourself choosing to fight for something that is genuinely important to the story, instead of just saying, "I think Todd and Brandon are a bad couple, Todd and Jack work better!" Try putting it like, "I know you really want Todd and Brandon to get together, but I'm concerned they haven't had time to develop a believable relationship. Can you think of ways we can strengthen their bond in that short time? This points out the issue, explains why it's an issue, and offers a solution, which gives your partner control over the decision. Hopefully they'll realize you're right, and either agree that Jack works better, or at the very least, you can meet in the middle and find some ways to address your initial concerns.

5 - Avoid Pushing Too Hard - If they're not willing to budge, don't push it. Just do what you can to address the issue on your end if possible. If this story will be shared online or published, and you're deeply unhappy with their decision--to the point that you don't feel comfortable having your name on the project--just be honest (and gentle) about how you feel. See if there's some way to come to a compromise, and if not, it's probably a sign that this person isn't someone you work with well creatively, and that's okay. :)

Have fun with your collaboration!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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#writing tips #writing help #writing advice #wqaadvice

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hollowed-theory-hall · 3 months

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The Riddle of Tom Riddle: Part 2/?

(Part 1, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7)

Voldemort Isn't Insane, At Least, Not in the Way You Think

Horcruxes and Dark Magic don't cause insanity and physical deformity the way Dumbledore implies, and I can prove it.

So, first Dark Magic doesn't make you go mad

So, first off, let's just set the record about Dark Magic not causing the changes in appearance we see in Voldemort and neither does it cause insanity. (I'm talking of run-of-the-mill Unforgivables here, I talk about Horcruxes more in-depth later in this post)

Now, what other character we can be sure practiced Dark Magic... Bellatrix, of course.

And, as a matter of fact, we do get a look at her before she goes to Azkaban:

The dementors placed each of the four people in the four chairs with chained arms that now stood on the dungeon floor. There was a thickset man who stared blankly up at Crouch; a thinner and more nervous-looking man, whose eyes were darting around the crowd; a woman with thick, shining dark hair and heavily hooded eyes, who was sitting in the chained chair as though it were a throne; and a boy in his late teens, who looked nothing short of petrified. He was shivering, his straw-colored hair all over his face, his freckled skin milk-white.

(Goblet of Fire, page 594)

She is clearly not deformed. None of the Death Eaters show any sign of physical changes to their appearance or behaviour due to Dark Magic in general.

the woman with the heavy-lidded eyes looked up at Crouch and called, “The Dark Lord will rise again, Crouch! Throw us into Azkaban; we will wait! He will rise again and will come for us, he will reward us beyond any of his other supporters! We alone were faithful! We alone tried to find him!”

(Goblet of Fire, page 595)

Bellatrix is sane and coherent before Azkaban. I believe most of her baby talk and more manic behavior we see in the series is caused by her time in Azkaban. While she was definitely loyal to Voldemort to a fault — she wasn't laughing maniacly in a baby voice like in Order of the Phoenix...

So, it isn't Dark Magic that made Voldemort snake-faced, so, maybe it's Horcruxes...

Second, Horcruxes don't make you go mad either

So, I talked about Horcruxes a bit here. But not about their effects on the person casting them.

So, let's try and trace the moments in time we meet Tom and count his Horcruxes. If his Horcruxes were indeed the cause for the change in his appearance, we'd expect to see a gradual change after each one in his appearance and behavior, if they indeed caused his insanity.

So, the first account we have of Voldemort is from Slughorn'smemory in 1943:

Half a dozen boys were sitting around Slughorn, all on harder or lower seats than his, and all in their mid-teens. Harry recognized Voldemort at once. His was the most handsome face and he looked the most relaxed of all the boys. His right hand lay negligently upon the arm of his chair; with a jolt, Harry saw that he was wearing Marvolo’s goldand-black ring; he had already killed his father.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 494)

As Tom is mentioned wearing the Gaunt Ring, we know this memory takes place during his sixth year, after he made the Diary and the Ring into Horcruxes already. (Why ask Slughorn about them if he already made two? Well, I'm gonna write a whole post about that don't worry)

But the point is, 2 Horcruxes in and there are no discernable changes in behavior or appearance. Harry actually describes him as very handsome, so clearly, he isn't snake-like yet.

The next time we see Tom is with Hepzibah Smith in 1956, the thing is, this memory doesn't give us much since it's before he killed her to make his third Horcrux, so we should expect nothing to change.

That then leads us to jump straight to 1967 and his job interview with Dumbledore. Between the talk with Slughonr about Horcruxes and this memory, Tom added 3 more Horcruxes to his collection (the cup, the locket, and the diadem).

So, we should expect to see a drastic change in behavior and appearance, and, well:

Voldemort had entered the room. His features were not those Harry had seen emerge from the great stone cauldron almost two years ago: They were not as snakelike, the eyes were not yet scarlet, the face not yet masklike, and yet he was no longer handsome Tom Riddle. It was as though his features had been burned and blurred; they were waxy and oddly distorted, and the whites of the eyes now had a permanently bloody look, though the pupils were not yet the slits that Harry knew they would become. He was wearing a long black cloak, and his face was as pale as the snow glistening on his shoulders. The Dumbledore behind the desk showed no sign of surprise. Evidently this visit had been made by appointment.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 441)

Tom's behavior throughout this interview isn't any different from what we've seen in his interactions with Dumbledore up to this point. So, I'll take that as a no, for Horcruxes causing insanity as he showed no sign of gradually deteriorating with each one.

And as for his appearence, yes, we see a change. But something about the wording bothered me. Harry referred to his face as looking: "burned and blurred; they were waxy and oddly distorted". This is a really off way to describe a face.

And it actually reminded me of a different description from Harry for a different memory:

And it happened all over again: The dense fog filled the room so that Harry could not see Slughorn or Voldemort at all; only Dumbledore, smiling serenely beside him. Then Slughorn’s voice boomed out again, just as it had done before. “I don’t know anything about Horcruxes and I wouldn’t tell you if I did! Now get out of here at once and don’t let me catch you mentioning them again!” “Well, that’s that,” said Dumbledore placidly beside Harry. “Time to go.” And Harry’s feet left the floor to fall, seconds later, back onto the rug in front of Dumbledore’s desk. “That’s all there is?” said Harry blankly. Dumbledore had said that this was the most important memory of all, but he could not see what was so significant about it. Admittedly the fog, and the fact that nobody seemed to have noticed it, was odd, but other than that nothing seemed to have happened except that Voldemort had asked a question and failed to get an answer. ��As you might have noticed,” said Dumbledore, reseating himself behind his desk, “that memory has been tampered with.” “Tampered with?” repeated Harry, sitting back down too. “Certainly,” said Dumbledore. “Professor Slughorn has meddled with his own recollections.”

(Half-Blood Prince, page 371)

Memories can be edited and when they are, they become fogged and blurry. Slughorn's memory is clearly very crudely edited, but a master Legilemence like Dumbledore could surely do a better job of it.

Because Dumbledore has an agenda with all these memories, he needs to convince Harry to be ready to die to kill Voldemort — that's his end goal. And as such, yeah, he could reasonably edit Tom's appearance. As he seemed to have.

So, do we have a different source about Tom's appearance during the First War, because the next Horcrux after the diadem is Harry?

We do, Voldemort himself:

“Nice costume, mister!” He saw the small boy’s smile falter as he ran near enough to see beneath the hood of the cloak, saw the fear cloud his painted face. Then the child turned and ran away. . .

(Deathly Hollows, pages 295)

In this memory Voldemort shows mercy to a muggle child, not killing someone whose death isn't necessary — another point to him not being insane.

As for appearance, well, his face scared the child, but, it's hard to tell why. I'm sure JKR intended us to assume it's because he looked snake-like, but, again, no Horcruxes were made between the interview in Dumbledore's office and this scene, so he shouldn't be any more distorted. And while Harry's description in the interview memory isn't flattering, it isn't horrifying either.

Therefore, my assumption is that Voldemort is staring at this little child dressed like a pumpkin with the most impressive death glare the child has ever seen and this kid actually thinks, Tom is going to kill him. Which, well, it's a fair reason to be scared, I'll give him that.

His white hand pulled out the wand beneath his cloak and pointed it at the door, which burst open.

(Deathly Hollows, pages 296)

"White hand" doesn't say much. Tom was always described as pale and nothing odd about the skin texture is mentioned.

I'll add, that magically speaking, at least, according to the way I believe Horcruxes are made, it makes no sense for them to effect one's appearance and sanity negatively. Well, making them isn't pleasant, but they won't make you lose your intelligence and coherence.

So, what's up with Voldemort?

Well, I'm getting there.

For his appearence, my assumption was always that Pettigrew butchered the resurrection potion (when making a potion or alchemical concoction the mindset of the brewer matters. If Pettigrew was adding Nagini's venom without thinking of it as a soul component but as a body component, it can cause the changes in appearences we see). It can also be affected by the unicorn blood, which we don't really know the negetive effects of.

As for the insanity... When talking about insanity in fiction the conversation is sometimes very shallow. the word "insane" is just used to describe any character people don't understand, or that acts somewhat unpredictably. But if we look at insanity as a concept, as in a mental illness or delusions of some kind, they always have consistency. Both in fiction and reality.

Say, if a person believes they are a butterfly, they would always believe they are a butterfly. All their actions and behavior would stem from that delusion. We would expect them to try and drink from flowers, or try to fly — because that's what butterflies do.

Voldemort doesn't have that.

He doesn't have a consistent behavior pattern I could chuck to insanity and call it a day. No, Tom Riddle is a more complex character than that and I feel calling him "insane" is a cop-out from analyzing his character properly.

I'm gonna make a full post about it and what exactly is going through his mind, but I wanted to cover the insanity claims first.

#harry potter #harry potter theory #harry potter thoughts #hollowedtheory #hp theory #overthinking #wizarding world #voldemort analysis #lord voldemort #voldemort #tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle #first wizarding war

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